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avatar-anna · 2 years

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Better Off

Part Three

part three is here! sorry for the long wait, i've been really busy with work, but i have not forgotten about this fic! enjoy!

Series Masterlist

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June

I was at an end-of-the-year pool party one of the parent’s in Maddison's class was putting on. I didn’t expect an invitation for myself, but it was the dad that stayed to help with Maddie’s birthday party, and after seeing him more at a couple events and talking amicably with him a few times, I thought we had become somewhat friends, so I decided to go.

What I didn’t realize was that there seemed to be a dress code for this party. I showed up in a bikini, one of my old college t-shirts, and denim cut-offs, but when Michael, the dad who was hosting the party with his wife, led me into the backyard, I realized I was terribly underdressed. Not that I would ever own or wear a patterned kaftan or wedge sandals, but I could’ve at least worn one of the few sundresses that I owned. I tried to ignore some of the looks that I got and focused on getting sunscreen on Maddison so she could swim with the other kids. Once she was all set, I shrugged out of my shirt and stuffed everything into the beach bag I brought with me; because of my work schedule, I didn't get much time in the sun, so I was going to make the most of it, judgemental moms in kaftans be damned.

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to make it.”

Pushing my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose, I smiled and pulled Harry in for a hug.

“Yeah, Maddie wanted her polka dot swimsuit, but we couldn’t find it, so we had to scour the whole house for the stupid thing. But we made it.”

In the three months since Harry and I “started over,” we’d actually become good friends. We realized that aside from becoming parents at nineteen and twenty, we had a lot in common. Like me, Harry was incredibly hard working—though I often joked that I didn’t understand what he did the few times he tried to explain it to me—and he loved his son with everything he had. Over these last few months, he’d told me a little about his situation with his ex, but just enough to explain why he’d been late to pick Devon up from Maddison’s birthday party. I told him it wasn’t necessary, but I got the feeling there weren’t very many people he could talk to about it.

“We never did the whole custody thing when we got divorced. Taylor made it seem like I was lucky enough to be in his life at all. And at the time, I agreed with her, so I went along with everything she said.”

Family law wasn’t my specialty, but I knew enough about it to know that while custody battles could be sticky situations, sometimes they were necessary.

“I’m sorry,” I told him. “That must’ve been difficult.”

“It was alright at first. He stayed with me every other weekend and for Christmas, but then something happened, and it was like Taylor stopped caring. I came to her house to pick him up for the weekend once and he was in front of the television by himself while she was entertaining some guy by the pool.

“That was when I realized things needed to change. That and the day we were called into the principal’s office. When you told me Devon had been bullying Madison, I couldn’t believe it,” he said, shaking his head a little as he recalled the memory. “I knew that being a mother at twenty wasn’t exactly in her plans, but I never thought it would be this bad. So I’ve been trying to get full custody ever since.”

Hearing Harry’s words made me feel terrible for him and Devon. I never thought there would be a worse boat than Maddison’s dad wanting nothing to do with her and leaving us high and dry the second he found out I was pregnant, but now I wasn't so sure. One thing confused me though.

“But if she doesn’t want to be as involved, why not just let you have custody? Why all the trouble?” I realized that while Harry had opened up to me, he might not want to divulge everything all at once. We were friends, but I wasn’t sure we were that close. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you don't want to.”

“It's fine,” he said, but remained quiet as he watched our kids run around the park we decided to meet at. “It’s more her family than Taylor herself. They’re, like, old money rich and very proud. When they found out that their daughter got pregnant from some poor bloke from a small village in England, they weren’t exactly thrilled. But to their credit, they took care of everything—the doctor visits, buying all the necessary stuff, they even bought us a house and set me up with a job at one of the companies they owned.”

“But?” I asked, knowing there was more to the story.

“But,” Harry continued. “Their one stipulation was that we get married. I was alone here in America, my family was on the other side of the world, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so it seemed like an okay deal at the time, but it was a disaster from the start.”

Harry didn’t need to tell me the rest to know why it was a disaster. She and Harry were two kids thrust into a life they weren't ready for. I knew the feeling well. I found myself feeling bad for Taylor too, even if she was dropping the ball as far as Devon was concerned. It wasn't easy being a mom in general. Being one while you were still in college was almost impossible. Still, the situation Harry and Devon were in now was not ideal. And whatever Harry’s ex was feeling shouldn’t have been projected onto her son.

“I’m sorry. This can’t be easy for you, especially when your family isn’t here,” I said. Harry hummed, and I got the feeling he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “I know you probably have an excellent lawyer and everything,and it's not exactly my area of expertise, but if you ever want someone to look over anything with you, I’d be happy to.”

Harry turned his head to face me, something in his eyes I couldn't read. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. And so is Devon, obviously,” Harry said now, adding the last bit as an afterthought. We never talked about how we’d slept together on Halloween or kissed in the restroom at the school’s Valentine's Day carnival, and for the most part, it was fine, but we did have our awkward moments.

I smiled and walked with Harry to where a couple of parents were standing around and talking. He grabbed me a juice pouch from the cooler on the ground and one for himself. He’d learned over time that while I liked to drink and have a good time, I normally didn’t do it when I had to drive Maddison anywhere. I never made him do the same, but Harry just smiled and poured himself a glass of apple juice and clinked his glass with mine the first time I told him about my little rule.

“Cheers,” he said, tapping his juice pouch with mine and taking a sip.

I stayed with Harry for a while, the two of us talking about our plans for this summer. Mine were small and not all that elaborate—Maddison’s dance camp in July and going home to see my parents a couple times. Harry told me he was still trying to finagle a trip for him and Devon to go to England and see his family, but with everything going on, he wasn't sure he could make it happen.

“It’s been so long since he’s seen his grandma, Y/n,” he said, but I could hear what he wasn’t saying. I myself wasn’t very close with my parents, but I couldn’t imagine being away from Javi or Sadie for so long. They were my support system, I needed them.

“Well,” I started, walking towards the deep end of the pool so we were alone but could still keep an eye on our kids. “You have a steady paying job, you’ve stepped up where your ex hasn’t, and you don’t live in a total bachelor pad as far as I can tell.”

“Hey,” Harry said, pushing my shoulder. I laughed and shoved him back.

“What I’m trying to say is that you’re making all the right moves. The judge and the social worker will see that. Just try not to make any drastic, life-altering decisions until after you’ve won your case.”

Harry was quiet for a moment while he considered my words. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close. “Thank you.”

I closed my eyes and smiled, patting him on the knee. When I opened them again, I noticed a couple of the moms at the other end of the pool eyeing us. None of them were ever explicitly rude to me, but I could tell they didn’t like the way I seemed to be closer to Harry than they ever would be. Their obsession with him really put me off, and after spending more time with him, I knew that Harry was uncomfortable with it too, he was just too much of a gentleman to turn them away. I took that mantle upon myself when I could, pulling him away from conversations and diverting his attention from these women. Hopefully he would get a reprieve for a few months until school started back up again.

Still, I often found their narrowed eyes to be unsettling, especially when Harry and I were talking about something serious. Leaning away from him a little, I brought my arms up and with all my might, I pushed him into the pool.

Harry fell in with a yelp and a splash, causing the kids at the shallower end to look over. I quickly got up from my spot sitting at the edge of the pool as I heard fits of giggles erupting from the kids, knowing that Harry would be quick to retaliate. Walking past all the parents, I slipped inside the house in search of a bathroom. When I stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me, patting dry my hands on my shorts, I ran into Michael.

“There you are,” he said, a smile on his face.

I guess as far as middle-aged dads went, Michael was attractive. He was tall and had what looked like red hair that had slowly lightened with time. He was incredibly nice, always stopping to say hello as he dropped off his daughter and never once looking like he judged me for having a seven year old at my age.

“Here I am,” I said, smiling at him as I walked towards the backyard where everyone else was.

Before I could get very far, Michael placed a hand on my arm. “Did you get a tour of the house yet?”

When I shook my head at him, he pulled me in the opposite direction. Not wanting to be impolite, I followed. I half paid attention as he explained things to me like where this painting came from, or what photographer he hired for that family portrait. At the base of his staircase, he stopped, leaning an arm against the banister. It felt a little odd that we were talking away from everyone else, and the hand he still had on my arm felt a little too friendly for my taste. It never occurred to me that Michael might have had some sort of attraction towards me, but I was usually so caught up in Maddison’s dance classes and cases at work that I hardly paid those things any mind anymore, especially after the fiasco with Harry.

“I should probably get back to watching Maddison,” I said lightly, stepping back and away from Michael. He didn't seem phased by my words, just stepped even closer to me than before.

“Come on, Y/n,” he said, his voice low. I had a feeling he was going for sexy, but it didn't come off that way at all. I felt like I was being chided by some kind of father figure. Barf. “You can't expect me to ignore this thing between us. Not when you look like that.”

I felt like thousands of tiny insects were crawling over my body as he looked me up and down, his gaze lingering on my chest. I felt utterly exposed. Bile rose in my throat as Michael raised a hand like he was going to caress my face or tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I choked it down and raised my hand to catch his wrist before he could touch me and squeezed hard enough for him to wince.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” I said to him, trying to ignore the way my voice quivered. “But I would think very carefully about your next move.”

Michael had the audacity to smile at me, and it only made my skin crawl even more. He tried to step closer to me, tried leaning in, but I stepped on his foot and hastily backed away from him. I stumbled back into the bathroom and locked it, trying to catch my breath and steady the rapid beating of my heart. I waited for the sound of Michael's footsteps to pass by before opening the door again, taking one last deep breath as I stepped out.

Finding my way outside where everyone was still having a good time, I started collecting my things. The laughter, the music, and the conversation coming from all directions blended together like white noise buzzing in my ears as I put my shirt back on. I felt a lump form in the back of my throat, but I ignored it to look for Maddison in the sea of bobbing heads in the pool.

“Maddie—” I tried to say, but my voice faltered. Taking a breath, I tried again. “Maddison!”

She looked over to me, and seeing the bright smile on her face brought me some comfort amidst the feeling of utter disgust Michael’s actions brought me. I didn't want to interrupt her fun, but I couldn't stay. I could make it up to her somehow, I just had to leave. “Levántase. Nos vamos.”

I didn't always speak Spanish to Maddison in public, usually just around the house, but it came in handy when I didn't want the people around me to know what I was saying.

Maddie looked upset at having her fun cut short, but she didn't question it. She slowly waded to the steps at the shallowest end of the pool and got out, trudging over to me, her little shoulders slumped and feet making wet footprints on the concrete.

“Rápido, por favor,” I said, slipping a towel over her shoulders. She nodded, the braids I did for her a couple days ago swinging as she moved. As I helped her get into the shirt she was wearing when we got here, I heard the pitter pattering of feet on concrete coming towards us.

“Miss Y/l/n, can Maddie stay longer, pleeease?”

Looking up, I smiled at Devon. While watching Maddison today, I noticed that most of the time it was just the two of them doing their own thing. It made me happy to see them becoming such close friends, and I thought it was adorable the way he asked if Maddie could stay, but I couldn't, and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her here without me.

“We can't, but we'll definitely have a beach day soon. How does that sound?” Devon and Maddison nodded enthusiastically at my suggestion, and I stood up from where I was kneeling in front of them. Maddie and I started saying goodbye when Harry walked over.

“Going so soon?” he asked. He'd taken off the black linen button up he had been wearing, most likely letting it dry somewhere. Now he was just in a pair of white shorts, his tattoos stark black in the hot summer sun.

I smiled weakly at him, trying not to appear as freaked out as I felt. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Michael walk over to where his wife was sitting at one of the patio tables. The disgust I felt earlier returned, and I hoisted my bag over my shoulder. “Yeah, um, something came up at work, so I—we have to go.”

Harry immediately knew something was wrong, I could see the realization on his face. But I didn't want questions, and I didn't want his sympathy right now. I just wanted to leave.

“Well then I guess we're out of here too, little man,” Harry said, ruffling Devon's hair. “Why don't I take Maddie and Devon out for ice cream while you handle work?”

“No, really, that's not necessary—” I started to protest, but Harry cut me off.

“Fear not, Y/n. I will have the miscreants home at a decent hour.” Looking in his eyes, I saw the silent message in them. Go take care of you. I got this. Loosening a breath, I nodded, and Maddie and Devon cheered.

Walking over to where all the other parents were, I thanked Michael's wife for having us, ignoring Michael himself with everything I had. She gave me a big smile and said that Maddie and I were welcome anytime. Her kindness made me feel sick, and I was suddenly grateful that Harry was taking Maddison for a little bit so I could freak out without worrying her. Michael had a wife. And there he was, trying to make a pass at me while she was just outside. I didn't pretend to know what their life was like when people weren't around, but she seemed wonderful. I didn't want to get in the way of that, not to mention I didn't see Michael like that at all. With shaking hands, I walked with Harry, Maddie, and Devon outside.

When we got to Harry's car, I kneeled down to give Madison a kiss. “Be on your very best behavior, okay? Remember to say please and thank you, and you listen to Mr. Styles when he tells you to do something.”

Maddie nodded, and I pulled her in for a hug. It was probably more intense than what the situation called for, but having her in my arms brought me comfort like nothing else did. I squeezed her until she started squirming, standing up and fishing my keys out of my bag.

“Thank you,” I told Harry earnestly. Getting my wallet, I pulled a couple bills out to pay for Maddison's ice cream, but he waved me off.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. Knowing him, I knew that this was nonnegotiable, so I put the money back in my wallet. Turning his head around a bit, he saw that Devon and Maddison were far enough where he could whisper to me. “Is everything okay?”

I nodded, even though everything was not okay. “Yep. Everything's just fine. Don't keep her out too late, please.”

I could tell Harry wasn't buying my nonchalance, but he didn't press the issue any further. Once they all got in his car, I started walking to mine. Now that I was alone, the last twenty minutes started to take its toll on me in full. Part of me felt like an idiot for not seeing the signs that Michael felt the way that he did, but we’d never had more than friendly conversation. He was a nice guy who had a daughter that was in the same class as mine, never did I ever think of him in the way he obviously saw me. Not to mention the fact that he had a wife and was considerably older than me. I felt dirty. Even though nothing really happened, I felt like I could still feel his eyes as he looked me over, like I was his for the taking.

As I drove home, my thoughts started to have a mind of their own. Did I lead him on somehow? Was this my fault? I tried to think back to any and all interactions with Michael I could recall, but I didn’t think there was a time where I encouraged his behavior today. When I got home, the house was empty and dark. With Javi out at work and Maddie with Devon and Harry, I had the whole house to myself. While I appreciated Harry taking Maddison out, I kind of wished she was here to distract me from this gross feeling that I couldn’t shake. With my skin still crawling from Michael’s gaze, I decided to hop in the shower. I threw my hair up into a bun and stepped in, trying to wash away today.

And the problem with that was, outside of Michael’s advances, I was actually having a good time. I was happily watching Maddie play with Devon and her other classmates while sipping on juice pouches with Harry. Now any time I would think back on this day, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I got out of the shower feeling a little better, more tired than anything, but I didn’t want to be asleep when Harry dropped Maddison off, so I took a couple of my files from my bedroom to the couch to work on while I had a movie playing in the background. My eyes danced over case files without really paying attention to them, but after about half an hour my mind started to shove thoughts about this afternoon away and focus on the work in front of me. Being upset over what happened today wasn’t going to change anything. Maddie didn’t need a frantic mom, she needed a strong one, and the people I helped at the office needed that from me too.

A while later I was on a roll, taking notes and writing down reminders of phone calls I needed to make later this week. With my highlighter in my mouth and a case file open on my lap, the door opened. “I’m home, Mommy!”

With my highlighter still clutched between my teeth, my head turned to where Maddison, Devon, and Harry walked through the entryway of the house. Removing my file from my lap and capping my highlighter, I stood up to greet everyone. “Hi, mija, did you have fun?”

Maddie nodded and gave me a hug and a kiss before taking Devon outside to play in the backyard, leaving me and Harry alone in the living room. Harry raised two paper bags in his hand. “I felt bad for leaving you with a sugar-crazed kid, so I brought dinner. Hope that’s okay.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” I told him, but took the bags from him anyway and set them down on the kitchen counter. Deciding to let our kids play for a little bit before sitting down to eat, I brought Harry over to where I was sitting on the couch a couple minutes ago.

He sat on one side, and I sat on the complete opposite, drawing my knees up to my chest. Harry grinned a little as he teased his bottom lip between his fingers. “Well, it was more for me, really. I was quite hungry.”

I laughed quietly with Harry, watching as his eyes crinkled at the sight of my smile. He was still in his clothes from the pool party, his black button up looking a little wrinkly from getting wet earlier. One thing I noticed that he wasn’t wearing before was a tiny little clip that held up some of his hair away from his face. I found it cute the way it created a little tuft of hair on the top of his head, a little surprising that he owned a hair clip at all, but cute all the same.

“What happened today?” he asked me, making my eyes trail from his hair to his face. Harry looked passive, like he was trying to appear casual, but I could see little traces of concern in his features.

I didn’t answer for a moment, playing with the hem of my shirt as I thought about what I wanted to say. Right now, this afternoon was behind me; I had all of summer to spend with my daughter and away from the parents at her school, Michael included. It was so early into summer that I didn’t want this one incident to put a damper on our two months of freedom. Well, Maddison’s two months, I still had to work, but we were going to make the most of it.

I was also wary of telling Harry about this at all. Anytime I talked about my “friendship” with Michael, he always got moody. He would cross his arms like a little kid and try to change the subject. I wasn’t sure if Harry was just territorial of his friends by nature, or if he was jealous, but I told myself it was the former, mostly because nothing about my interactions with Michael or how I spoke about him indicated I was interested.

Quietly, but not weakly, I spoke to Harry. “Nothing really, Michael was just being an ass, and I didn’t want to be there anymore.”

Harry’s reaction was almost instantaneous. His face became angry, morphing into something I hadn’t seen before, not even when Principal Stevens told him Maddie punched Devon. I wasn’t necessarily worried about Harry’s reaction when I told him, but now I wondered if I should’ve said anything at all. He’d proven himself to be a good friend and person in general, but I didn’t need him to fight my battles for me. I could handle Michael on my own.

“I handled it, so let’s not make a big deal out of it, okay?” I told him, causing his face to soften a little. Harry inched forward carefully, almost like he knew that Michael had done more than just say something to me, even if I didn’t tell him that.

He offered his hand out to me, a question in his eyes. I took it, letting the warmth of his fingers encase mine. What I didn’t expect was to be pulled into his chest. Harry held me close, a little awkwardly because of how I was sitting before, but it still felt nice. His chin rested on top of my head as his hands rubbed soft circles into my back. I couldn’t help the small smile that split my face. Harry really did turn out to be a good friend.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Why? You didn’t do anything,” I said, a little confused. Harry wasn’t even there when it happened. “And it’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything. There wasn’t much you could do.”

I don’t know why I said it. It was a stupid thing to say, especially when Harry was being incredibly kind and comforting. I guess I hadn’t put the frustrations I felt earlier completely behind me. I felt Harry stiffen a little against me, and I immediately felt awful. Pulling away from his embrace, I opened my mouth to apologize, but Harry was already standing up from the couch. Still, I tried anyway.

“Harry, that came out wrong, I’m sorry—”

“No, you’re right, I’m not.” He didn’t turn around, just kept on walking towards the kitchen counter to take out the food he’d brought over.

Sighing, I stood up and followed him into the kitchen. There were things we never talked about since we’d become friends, our feelings for each other being the main one. Despite my best efforts, I really liked him, but I really didn’t want to. My life was so hectic and things were good between us as friends, I didn’t see the need to complicate things further. But that didn’t change the fact that I found him endearing and had grown to love his collection of colorful cardigans and sweaters, or that I would catch him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. It was a weird place to be in, but most days we ignored it, only now I wasn’t so sure how long we were going to be able to do that.

Leaning against the counter, I watched him pull to-go boxes out of the paper bags. I was relieved that he stayed because it meant he wasn’t super pissed at me. He would’ve been gone already if he was. Coming around to where he was standing, I wrapped my arms around his torso. “I’m sorry.”

I felt Harry take a deep breath, my arms rising and falling a little as he inhaled and exhaled. “It’s fine.”

“See, you say that, but then I hear you say it and I see the look on your face, which tells me it’s not,” I said, and maybe I was poking around somewhere I maybe shouldn’t have, but I wanted to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

I removed my arms from his waist so he could move around the kitchen counter, placing sushi pieces on paper plates from my cupboard. I raised an eyebrow at his choice of giving sushi to two seven year olds, but didn’t question it. Harry was a pretty down to earth guy, but he had expensive tastes.

Taking his clip out of his hair, he ran a hand through it and put it back in its place. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/n.”

“The truth, preferably,” I said, chancing a little humor.

He rolled his eyes at me, but kept talking anyway. “See, you say that, but I don’t think you really want to hear what I have to say.”

His words scared me a little, but I made this bed, now I had to lie in it. “Try me.”

Harry took another deep breath, his fingers pulling at the paper casing of a set of chopsticks. “I like you. A lot, actually, but you’re afraid of change and letting people in, so I’ve settled for being your friend, which is fine, I just…it’s just difficult to see you get upset over assholes like Michael when—when, you know, I’m here.”

I’d asked for honesty, and that’s what I got. I had an idea that Harry’s feelings went beyond the scope of friendship, but I didn’t know how much. I also took offense to what he said about me, but that was mostly because he was pretty spot on. He was right to say that I didn’t like change and had a hard time letting people in, but history had made me that way, and I was having a hard time changing that.

“Harry,” I said, reaching to grab his hand. He pulled away to continue setting up dinner, but I knew there was more intention behind it than that. It hurt more than I liked to admit to see him blatantly refuse my touch, but I figured it was probably deserved. “I didn’t—I didn’t realize how much…”

“I think about you constantly,” he admitted. He kept his head down as he folded and unfolded napkins, but I could see the nervous tremor in his hands. “I think about the way you laugh at my jokes when no one else does, I think about how good you are to Maddison and how you would do anything for her to make her happy, and I see how much Devon likes you, despite the fact that he’s never taken to strangers so easily before.

“But mostly, I think about that night months ago,” Harry mumbled, like it was a secret. He didn’t need to say which night he was talking about. I knew. “The perfume you wore could’ve gotten me drunk because it was so intoxicating, that red bra-thing you had on was absolutely sinful.”

Harry finally stopped playing with the napkins and walked over to where I was rooted to the floor in the kitchen. Normally I would’ve snorted at him saying “bra-thing,” but I was stunned into silence.

“I think about how soft your hair was in my hands, how soft you were underneath me, on top of me, how you whispered my name like a prayer.” Harry’s lips ghosted the top of my cheekbone, his hands dancing along my shoulders. I felt hot and cold all at once, goosebumps rising underneath the fabric of my shirt. “I think about how right that night felt. Did you feel it too, Y/n? Do you still think of me?”

Lost in the feeling of his closeness, I nodded, revealing the one thing I’d been trying to ignore in order to maintain the friendship we had. I thought about him too, more than he could ever know, but it wasn’t so simple. We had young kids, I shared a bedroom with Maddison, and Harry was struggling to get custody of Devon. There was just too much going on right now, adding a budding relationship to the mix would only add to that.

Harry’s lips brushed over mine, the barest touch sending sparks shooting up my spine. My body involuntarily moved forward to meet his, the way his nose barely brushed against my cheek almost too much, that one bit of contact making me weak in the knees. My movements became hasty and rushed, but Harry remained languid, his lips pressing against mine and focusing on my bottom lip in a way that had my head spinning. My hands were everywhere, but his left remained by his side, his right lightly cupped against my jaw. It was like he was putting all the power in my hands, how far we took this kiss was up to me.

Craving his touch in a way that was a little embarrassing, I took his hands in mine and brought them to my waist and flattened them against where my hips curved. My movements spurred Harry into action, his hands acting on their own as they moved up and down my sides and his lips moving with more purpose as they opened mine, his tongue sliding against my own with a precision that had me melting in his hands. I fisted his black shirt, then reached underneath the unbuttoned bit to lay my hands flush against the smooth skin of his chest. He was impossibly warm, and I could feel the rumbling of his groan as my hands wandered, spurring me on to travel further.

With great difficulty, I detached my lips from his to press lazy kisses to the base of his throat, smiling against him as I felt him take a shuddering breath. I wasn’t sure that taking things between us further was the best idea, but his kiss and gentle touch made me want to try anyway. Maybe down the line, I would come to regret my choice, but I felt like I might come to regret not trying even more. As I kissed along his neck, though, I could still feel some lingering tension where his shoulders rested underneath my hands, like he was unsure of my intentions right now.

“I think about you too,” I whispered as I placed a kiss to where his ear met his jaw. Harry shook his head slightly.

“Don’t,” he breathed. “Don’t say that unless you mean it. Please.”

Pulling away, I brought my hands up to either side of his face. He looked hopeful and ready to face rejection at the same time. Rubbing my thumb along his cheekbone, I kissed his face.

“I like you,” I whispered, kissing one brow. “And I think about you constantly too.” His other brow. “I think about these beautiful eyes of yours.” A kiss to each of his eyelids. “And I think about your smile.” A kiss to the corner of his mouth. “And that dimple that has no right being as cute as it is.” Harry smiled, and I kissed the indentation in his cheek. “That’s the one.”

I moved so that we were nose to nose, my hands still caressing his face. “I’m cautious because my life runs on a very delicate balance, and just one small change could set everything off course.”

Harry nodded, his shoulders slumping the slightest bit, but I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “But I haven’t felt like this for anyone… ever, I don’t think, despite how much you irritate me.”

He chuckled and I smiled at him, butterflies taking flight in my stomach. “What are you saying?”

Pursing my lips, I took his hands in mine. “Let’s just take things slow, see where life takes us this summer.”

It was imperative that I stressed the importance of going slow. Maddison and I were a package deal, and I knew Harry and Devon were the same way. Harry had a lot going on in his personal life, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that. And for the sake of everyone involved, I thought it was best to just take our time. We knew that we both liked each other, and for now, that was enough.

Harry grinned, the same smug one that I’ve had a love-hate relationship with over the last few months. I asked him what had him smiling that way, and it just made him grin even more. “You like me. Like, you like me like me.”

“What are you, twelve?” I asked, taking my hands out of his. I backed away from him and went towards the backyard to call Devon and Maddison inside. Halfway there, I felt a hand on my shoulder spin me around, and before I could even take a breath, Harry’s lips were on mine again. This kiss felt different from before, more hungry and needy than the last, and I could feel the message in it as his tongue tangled with mine. I’m not a boy, he seemed to say. And I won’t let you forget it.

“Alright, alright, I get it. Now can we please feed our children? Remember them? Mine punched yours in the face once?”

Harry tipped his head back, as if he just remembered Devon. “Right, them. I don’t suppose we can just put some kibble and water into bowls and we can have the night all to ourselves?”

I shook my head at him, but talking about Maddie and Devon made me think about how they came into play. I was very conscious of Maddison and what she knew and didn’t know about my meager (until now, I guess) relationships. Maddie already knew Harry, and I didn’t know how to tread this unfamiliar ground.

“What do we tell them?” I asked, my voice taking on a serious tone.

“Well, what do you want to tell them?” He replied, and I opened my mouth to tell him that that was a non-answer, but he spoke again. “And before you say something about how I’m passing this off to you, I just genuinely want to know how you feel. This is important to me too.”

It was a little unsettling the way he seemed to know me as well as he did, but he was my friend, and had become quite good at reading me, despite my efforts from trying to keep him from doing so. But if he wanted the truth, I’d give it to him, the same way he had been open and honest with me. “I don’t think we should say anything. Not yet.”

“I agree,” he said. “And I’m not just saying that. I mean it. I think it’s the right thing to do for now.”

I felt relief wash over me, not even realizing that I was worried he wouldn’t agree with me. It was important for me to see if we were serious about this before saying anything to Maddison. “Okay, so, that means you have to let go of me now.”

Harry frowned, pulling me in for another kiss. “I’ll try to keep my longing glances to a minimum.”

“Ha!” I laughed at his antics. I’d seen a lot of sides to Harry over the last few months, and I wondered what he would be like in a relationship. “Please do, now let’s eat.”

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

july

“Mommy, why didn’t you tell Grandma and Grandpa about Harry?”

In a panic, I whipped my head around to where Maddison was sitting in the backseat. “What are you talking about, kiddo?”

After a month of doing whatever we were doing, Harry and I had yet to say anything to Maddie or Devon. It was still new, and with our constantly conflicting schedules, we’d only gone on a couple dates, if you could call them that. We went out for lunch during work breaks a few times and went out for drinks once when Javi could watch Maddie and Harry’s ex had Devon for the night. It didn’t end the way Halloween did because I had to get Maddison to ballet class early the next morning and then haul my ass to work, but Harry didn’t seem to mind, content to keep taking it day by day.

We were careful around our kids, though. Harry never held my hand while we took them to the park or when we went over to his house for playdates. I didn’t think either of them had caught on, but now I wasn’t so sure, and the constant questioning from my parents didn’t help.

“So, Y/n, anyone new in your life?” my mother asked.

It was the Fourth of July, and Javi, Maddison, and I were at my parents’ house for the holiday. This wasn’t the first time my mother had asked me about my dating life, but this time around, the questions felt more frequent, more incessant. There were many reasons I hardly went home anymore, and while her questions weren’t at the top of the list, they were definitely on there somewhere.

“No, Mom, there isn’t. It’s just me and Maddie against the world right now, isn’t that right, mija?” I said the last part to Maddison, who happily licked on a red and orange popsicle.

She nodded around her popsicle, the edges of her mouth red from her messy eating. My mother, however, didn’t look as pleased by my answer. “You’re getting a little old, don’t you think? Time’s ticking, Y/n.”

“Rosie, that’s enough,” my dad chided, placing a hand on her arm.

“It’s fine, Dad,” I told him. “If that’s how she feels, that’s how she feels. That doesn’t mean I have to listen.”

My mother rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so cross, Y/n. You’re always so defensive with me.”

“Because you’re never satisfied with what I’m doing. I could win a case in the Supreme Court and you would still complain that I don’t have a husband.”

My mom set her glass down with more force than was necessary. Before things could really get ugly, though, my brother returned from where he had gone into the house for a moment.

Ah yes, the favorite child. I loved my brother to death, but there was clear favoritism in our family. I knew it had to do with the fact that I had a child at twenty and he didn’t, but I didn’t really care, I had let that go a while ago. I didn’t need my parents’ approval to be successful or happy.

The rest of the night was tense, but there weren’t any more hiccups or squabbles. I tried not to fight with my parents in front of Maddison, but sometimes my mother really brought it out of me. Looking at my daughter now as I drove her home from dance camp, I wondered what the hell she was talking about.

“Isn’t Harry your boyfriend?” Maddie asked, and I nearly pressed my foot on the breaks.

My eyes flicked to my daughter in the rearview mirror. She didn’t look particularly upset, just as curious as always. “What makes you say that, Maddison?”

“He always stares at you while Devon and I are playing. And you have a heart emoji next to his name in your phone.”

I sighed, pulling into the driveway and turning the car off. Getting out, I opened the backseat and grabbed Maddie’s dance bag. She unbuckled her seatbelt and walked up the front steps with me. “You’re too smart for your own good, you know that?”

Maddie giggled and did a pirouette into the kitchen. “And a great dancer.”

“Oh, that goes without question.”

We hung out in the kitchen together as I fixed her up a sandwich for lunch, and I thought about how I wanted to address Harry and me. Maddison obviously picked up on cues and subtleties more than I gave her credit for. What I didn’t know was how she was really feeling about what I clearly had been trying to keep from her for the last month.

I played some music for us while I made her lunch and put Maddie to work making her get out the peanut butter and jelly, spinning her around the kitchen every now and then. When we finished, I sat down with her at the kitchen table while she munched on her sandwich. Opening up my phone, I sent a quick text to Harry, sighing when I saw the little green heart next to his name. I wasn’t even the one to do that, he was, and now it had come back to bite us in the ass. I asked him if we could talk later or the next time he had a moment. He’d finally managed to get him and Devon to England for two weeks. We’d spoken since, obviously, but it was limited because of the time difference. Switching my phone off, I looked over at Maddie.

“So, I know you think Harry is my boyfriend, but he’s just a really good friend.” Harry and I hadn’t put labels on anything yet, and I had no plans on doing so for the time being. This was the moment I wanted to avoid so much, but it had snuck up on me anyway, despite my best efforts.

“Oh,” Maddie said, licking a little stray peanut butter from her thumb. “Well, does he know that?”

Now that is something I didn't expect. “What do you mean?”

Maddison tilted her head, the little ballerina bun that took an arm and a leg to perfect each morning this week listing to one side. “I don’t know. I just think he really likes you. Devon does too.”

She said it so simply, the only way a seven year old could. In her mind, I suppose it was that easy, but in reality, I knew there was a lot more to consider. These past few weeks with Harry had been great, and I hoped that the coming weeks would also be great, but I still felt like I was walking on a tightrope with this budding relationship. Leaning over, I peppered Maddie’s cheeks with kisses.

“No, Mommy! No more kisses!” she shouted, but I didn’t stop, tickling her sides too.

I finally stopped after a few seconds, pulling her up to her feet. “Okay, kiddo, let’s get you showered and then we can figure out what we’re gonna do the rest of the day.”

I helped Maddie take her shower and get her dressed in more comfortable clothes. We spent the rest of the day around the house, me working and Maddison playing in the living room with her mix of dolls and action figures. It was a mellow summer evening for us. Javi came home early and we all watched a movie on the couch together, Maddie falling asleep on my shoulder halfway through. Javi turned in early and carried Maddison to bed while I stayed on the couch to work a little more and text Sadie in between shuffling documents. Like Harry and Devon, she was also on vacation, so it really was just me and Maddison against the world right now.

I also thought about the conversation I had with Maddie today. I wasn’t sure why I expected her to scream and shout and be completely against the idea of me and Harry together, but I did. Maddie had always been a pretty chill kid, and she liked Harry whenever we got together. I think part of me maybe hoped she would hate us together so I could have an excuse to end things if things went south between Harry and me, like a back door or something. I liked Harry, and I liked the time we spent alone together outside of a playdate with our kids, so I didn’t know why I had a self-sabotaging loophole in the back of my mind. We never really finished our conversation at lunch, but from what I could tell, Maddie was unbothered by Harry and I being more than friends. This is a good thing, I told myself, hoping that saying it over and over in my head would make me believe it.

As my thoughts took me away from my work, my phone rang. Speak of the devil. I nearly forgot that I asked to talk to him earlier. Holding my phone up in front of me, I blew a curl out of my face and answered the phone. “Hey. It’s a little early over there, isn’t—Oh, hello.”

Looking at my phone screen, I saw that it was not Harry looking back at me, nor was it Devon, who sometimes answered Harry’s phone when I called. It was a middle aged woman, her hair dark and eyes a similar shape to Harry’s. I had the urge to hang up because I was ninety nine percent sure that this was his mom, but I managed to control myself.

“Oh, she’s just gorgeous, isn’t she, Harry,” the woman said, and now I really wanted to hang up the phone. She must’ve seen the frantic look in my eyes because she slowly backpedaled. “Heavens, I’ve scared her. Please forgive me, I sometimes forget to shut my mouth. I’ve just heard so much about you.”

I could tell Harry’s mom was trying to make me feel better, but I only felt more flustered. Two days ago, I told my mom that there was no one in my life at the moment, and here was Harry’s mother, talking to me like we were long time friends. Outside my view of the camera, I could hear Harry’s muffled voice.

“Mum, did you call Y/n?” His voice sounded surprised and exasperated at the same time, his face matching it when he popped onto the screen. Reading the expression on my face, Harry worried his lip between his fingers. “I just want you to know that I didn’t say a word to her. She figured it out on her own.”

I was speechless. I thought I was going to talk to Harry about how his day went, the tap dance Maddie learned today, and the fact that Maddison seemed to put together that there was something going on between us. Meeting his mom while I was in my pajamas wasn’t part of that plan. Something about this situation felt unsettling to me. A lot of things didn’t go to plan today, and this was just the icing on the cake.

Forcing a yawn behind my hand, I blinked at the screen. “I was actually just about to go to bed. But I would love to talk later?”

I didn’t want to sound like a complete bitch, but I was tired, and I didn’t like being put on the spot. Harry’s mother seemed to understand, apologizing for keeping me up and saying how excited she was to speak to me another time. Harry, on the other hand, saw right through me. He asked his mom to let him say goodbye alone, and then it was just the two of us.

“You’re upset,” he said the minute we were alone. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it to him anymore.

“No, I told you, I’m just tired,” I said, but I could tell Harry didn’t buy it at all.

He rubbed a hand across the slight stubble growing on his face. “I’m sorry about my mum. She can be a little overbearing.”

I nodded, but my heart wasn’t in having this conversation. He knew it, I knew it, but neither of us hung up the phone. I missed his stupid face too much. “I miss you.”

His face broke out into a smile, but he hid it behind his hand. “I’ve missed you too. Absolutely dreadful not seeing you and Maddison every day.”

My cheeks warmed, a small smile of my own forming on my lips. I heard Harry mumble, there she is, and it only made my cheeks heat up even more. The truth was, I knew that Harry wasn’t the reason for my sudden change in mood. In fact, he was in the same boat as I was.

“Now, are you going to tell me what’s got you feeling so blue?”

I shook my head, but it was playful. He grinned a little when he saw that I wasn’t as icy as I was a few minutes ago. He kept jokingly needling me for information about my day, and I kept my mouth shut for a little bit, but I eventually broke the news to him. “Maddie knows too. She figured it out.”

Harry was quiet for a few seconds, dumbstruck. “Wow,” he breathed. “We suck at keeping secrets.”

That made me laugh. “Me? Maddie said she caught you staring at me all the time. And you said your mom figured it out when you got home.”

“Alright, so I’m terrible at keeping secrets,” he said, laughter still in his voice. Sobering up, he looked at me with an earnest eye. “Are you okay with that?”

“I mean, it’s not ideal, but she took it better than I thought, so,” I told him, my voice trailing off. At this point, there wasn't anything I could do about it, and Maddie’s positive reaction should’ve had me doing cartwheels around the house instead of moping to Harry. Maybe I was just tired. “Is this okay? I know this means you might have to have a talk with Devon sooner than expected.”

This was also an issue that itched the back of my mind. I liked taking things slow, and I knew Harry did too. Our plans for seeing how things went flew out the window now that our kids knew, or would know in Devon’s case. Harry also had a lot going on in his personal life. He was still battling for full custody of Devon, and by the looks of it, it was going to be ugly to the very end. I didn’t want to be cause for distraction or unnecessary drama in his life.

“Erm,” he started. “Yeah, I mean, I wished I could’ve planned or prepared for it better, but I don’t think it'll be too bad. He’s grown quite fond of you.”

I felt my face flush again at the compliment. Most of my time spent with Devon was when he and Maddie were on a playdate, but I always went out of my way to ask how he was doing or what he was up to that week. Every time I saw him, I thought of how he looked when he got dropped off for Maddison’s birthday party, and how I never wanted him to look as sad as he did that day. He might have been a punk to my daughter at the beginning of the school year, but the more Maddie and I got to know him, the more I realized how much of a lover he was. He was a sweet boy, and I cared about him as much as I did Harry.

Nodding at the camera, I replied to Harry. “Well, the feeling’s mutual. Now tell me how your mom found out about me.”

The camera quality was bad, but I could see a little pink on Harry’s cheeks. Now that I talked to him about it, I didn’t mind as much that more people knew, I just didn’t like being ambushed. He told me that he didn’t breathe a word to his mom, his mum, he said, but that when they got to her house, she could tell something was different.

It was funny to listen to him explain his mother’s odd sixth sense for sussing out personal information from Harry because I was in a similar situation and my mother had no clue about my life or who was in it outside Javi and Maddison. Not that I cared, I preferred that my mother knew nothing about my personal life, especially where Harry was concerned. Things were good because they were easy. We didn’t see each other as much as we might’ve liked, but there weren’t any expectations right now. It was like we were in a delicate bubble floating through the sky, and my mother was the needle that would pop it, causing Harry and me to scramble for purchase where we could find it before we hit the ground.

“And then of course Devon mentioned you and Maddison, and that pretty much told her everything she needed to know,” Harry said, pulling me from my thoughts. I stayed quiet, thinking. I’m sure Harry's mom was a wonderful person and nothing like mine, but I couldn’t help but think that this was somehow going to change the dynamic of our relationship, solidify it more than I was ready to right now. Harry and I had only been seeing each other for about a month, and to me, that wasn’t a lot of time. Harry spoke again, trying to comfort me, but only making my mind scramble even more. “I’ll talk to her today, explain that we’re not really that serious right now.”

I tried not to visibly cringe. We’re not really that serious. As it usually goes with taking things slow, we decided not to label what we were doing just yet, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t serious about Harry. I wouldn’t have said yes to giving us a try if I wasn’t. And I wasn’t seeing anyone else right now either. I got that Harry was trying to ease my mind, but he only made me feel like what we were doing wasn’t important to him.

What’s his mom going to think when he tells her that? I thought. She’s going to think I'm some girl only out for a good time or something equally horrible. I didn’t really want Harry’s mom to know about us in the first place, but now that she did, I didn’t want her to think ill of me.

My mood was worsening, and I didn’t want Harry to see it. I just needed to go to bed and maybe talk to him later. “Tell her whatever you want, Harry. It's late, so I should probably get to bed.”

His face, which had been calm until this point, became concerned. “Did I say something? Don’t just leave, Y/n, let’s talk about this—”

His voice, still calm but steadily becoming irritated seemed to grate on my nerves even more. “I’ll talk to you later. Good night, Harry.”

I hung up the phone and climbed into bed with Maddie, rubbing a thumb across her cheek. Shutting my eyes, I tried to go to sleep, but it would be a while before I actually did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...

so miss girl is a little dramatic, but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ i am too low-key. anyway, next part should be up in the next few days!

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