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foxgloveinspace · 1 year

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Spoonie Neil headcanons (pt. 1/?)

Hey I decided to write this, and probably won’t be updating this headcanon series, sorry guys!! (You have to be logged into ao3 to read it)

It all starts when Abby jokingly says ‘and remember, the normal amount of pain is no pain’ as they get ready to start a game. He rolls his eyes at first, but then that night when he really thinks about it he starts to wonder to himself

Is the pain I remember having constantly from a life on the run and then a life of constant practice?

He takes a couple nights off of extra practice, making Kevin pissed at him, and Andrew silently concerned, but him pulling back in day practice as well has most of the team on edge for the week it keeps up.

On that Saturday he walks into Abby’s office and sits on her table, and looks her right in the eye and says ‘I have pain all the time. I have been in constant pain since I was a kid. I don’t know if it’s something my dad did, or if I’ve always been like this.’

She’s concerned. Duh.

They do some tests come up with 🤷🏼 it’s pain.

She asks Neil if she should tell coach or if she should, and he says he’ll take care of it.

He doesn’t.

He doesn't tell anyone and starts practicing hard again.

Except that now that he knows about it, it's harder to ignore.

The constant ache in his left hip and ankle that are just barely there, the way his fingers hurt after it gets cold, when he feels it down to his bones.

It's all harder to push to the back of his brain now.

Kevin notices first. (Andrew knows something is up, he just figures Neil will now tell him about it....) He notices Neil rubbing his left knee in the hall once, when he thinks he's alone in between classes.

He corners Neil before night practice, Andrew already in the goal, and them putting on their gear.

'you pushed yourself too hard, your injured, you don't play while injured' lecture.

'it's not an injury.' 'I saw you rubbing your knee, and limping. Stop Lying to Me'.

He ends up shouting it, 'Im always in pain'. He's so loud even Andrew stops what he's doing (swinging his racket around, practicing sick af spins).

They all stand there. not saying anything, Neil's panting even though he doesn't even feel out of breath.

'what.' Kevin says it in an icy voice.

'im always in pain, I have chronic pain, I don't know why, but I hurt all the time.'

Kevin is quiet. and then he says, Neil's worst nightmare, 'we're not practicing tonight.'

Neil hasn't shed tears since he was a kid, since before his mom knocked it out of him (literally), but he's close in that moment, taking off his gloves and throwing them on the ground/at Kevin, and stomping back into the lockers.

Kevin doesn't even say anything, just picks them up and Andrew walks out after them, having come close enough to the door to hear the conversation.

When they get back to the room, Neil just wants to be alone. But instead Kevin follows after him, and pushes him down on one of the bean bags.

'stay'

Neil's leg hurts too much to really argue, but he sits there stewing.

Andrew is staring at him fron across the room, he's sitting on his desk, and Neil looks at him, but he can sort of read Andrew's expression, and he doesn't like it, so he looks at the black tv screen.

the microwave goes off, and Neil almost jumps. he almost does again when the door to it is slammed shut.

Kevin comes back in the room, holding a heat pack.

He walks over to Neil, and drops down to his knees in front of him, 'which knee?'

Neil shakes his head, and presses his hand to his hip, and Kevin lays the heat pack over Neil's side, and Neil makes a quizical sort of noise, but then he sighs as it starts to ease the pain a little.

Kevin hesitates for a moment, his eyes flickers toward Andrew's direction for a second, before he sighs, and reaches up to ruffle Neil's hair.

'I'll teach you how to take care of it better, ok?'

Neil sighs, but nods, his hands curling in the front of his hoodie.

'We'll try ice for your knee, hows that sound?'

Neil just nods again.

he dozes to the sound of Kevin and Andrew discussing compression leggings.

they get them overnight shipped.

Kevin places both hands on Neil shoulders and stands him in front of Coach until Neil finally tells him.

'Yeah, so. Me and Abby figured out I have chronic pain.'

Coach nods, 'ok. That why you where late this morning?'

Neil cringes, 'no, Kevin got me weird leggings that seem to help.'

Coach pauses his watching of the rest of the team, and turns too look at Neil, 'when did you and Abby figure this out again?'

Neil, finally getting fidgety, 'uhh, last month.'

Coach pinches the bridge of his nose, 'ok, dipshit, I'll work on changing your routine now.'

the tension melts out of Neil's shoulders. Kevin sighs. David looks frustrated, 'did you think I was gonna bench you?'

Neil doesn't do anything, but Kevin nods his head.

David sighs, 'get back to practice idiots.'

#aftg #neil josten #kevin day #uhhhh this is technically #kevneil #kevineil #no one worry though cause its still #andreil #its just that I don't ship andrew and kevin so its not the three sorry sorry #but Andrew and Neil are very soft for each other. and Neil is gonna be getting a lot of attention from Andrew. hence this being part one.#come back in a few weeks or so for part two!#considering I started this in like. June.#but kevineil is like. this ship I have a soft place for in my heart and I want to make more content for them. i should finish #that smut i started where Andrew is platonic with Kev but he watches Kevin and Neil fuck lol.#which is their ship name btw I do not know. oof

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cosmicjiver · 2 years

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*holds softly*

#artists on tumblr #fanart #cosmic jiver art #aftg fanart #aftg andrew #aftg neil #aftg andreil #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #the foxhole court #tfc #foxes #I just need them to be soft #like soft Andreil I need it more

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gaypomegranate · 1 year

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Quotes that remind me of Andreil:

Neil:

“Like any unloved thing, I don’t know if I’m real when I’m not being touched.” (Natalie Wee)

Thinking in the context of Neil’s life living in Baltimore, going on the run, playing with the foxes, falling for Andrew, etc. While he may not like all touch, or is hesitant to it, he is grounded by the touch he experiences, both the good (His touches with Andrew, “Yes or no?”, the ruffling of his hair from Matt, the casual touches from the team he slowly grows more accustomed to) and the bad. (The abuse from his father, Lola’s knives, his mother’s tugging of his hair and hard hands, Riko’s violence)

Andrew:

“I wept and wept. I had come to believe that if I really wanted something badly enough, the very act of my wanting it was an assurance that I would not get it.” (Audre Lorde)

I associate this one with Andrew more so in his earlier years, in the years in which so much was taken from him he had to learn to give up his needs and wants for survival. His continued denial of his wants in reference to his growing relationship with Neil due to the fear he has of losing the little he does want, much like what had happened in the past.

Neil:

“I was so alone that every day was like eating my own heart.” (Junot Diaz)

Makes sense throughout the majority of his life, but is specifically relating to the period he spent truly alone for the first time after losing his mom. His loneliness and bone crushing fatigue of trying to keep going, keep running, to stay lost, keep away from the very little he has. (Exy) Past tense because he has grown and found a home and people he cares about who care about him. Found a home in Andrew and given him his heart to hold.

Andrew:

“Where can my lovers touch me when all of me hurts? Certainly not my body. Certainly not my heart.” (Molly Burton)

Obviously connecting to Andrew’s trauma. I was thinking about this in terms of him and Neil, in his refusal to think of their relationship as anything more than “nothing” (at least at first), his need for control and fear of giving up what little he does have due to having it be taken from him so much. Obviously he outgrows this, at least to an extent, (I like to think his need for control always stays but overtime evolves and changes) but I think of this as a internal background thought in his mind, an insecurity he had to learn to overcome through his trust in Neil.

#aftg #aftg textpost #aftg text #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #all the kings men #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #SOFT ANDREIL #i love them so much #quotes #this turned into much more of an analysis than i was planning for #but oh well #aftg headcanon #all for the gay #andreil in general is what i live for

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tidalst · 2 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/40055931 My @aftgexchange for the lovely @trenchcoat-moth! Sorry for the wait, this fic ended up going on way longer than I expected. Hope you enjoy reading it!!

#aftg #aftg exchange #my fic #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #i can't believe its done #sorry again for making you wait!#writing this has made me learn to appreciate fic writers 10000000x times more #ily guys & thanks for writing #andrew & neil are very soft & in love in this fic #its a bit ooc #but fluff wins #or love #also a bit of twinyard love because they deserve it #aaron and neils interactions with each other were very fun to write

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alcego · 1 year

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i think part of what makes Andreil work is that they’re both so fucking skilled at sussing out other people’s soft spots. they find boundaries and push at them, seeing where the other will bend and where they’ll break. it’s a survival thing for both of them: Andrew needs the upper-hand so he can maintain control over any given situation; Neil needs to know how far he can go before the people around him turn to violence.

the thing is, they also understand which boundaries are inviolable. some of this is communicated, such as Andrew’s “grudge against the language”, while others are simply identified and observed, such as Andrew’s aversion to touch. they’re both feral, fighty motherfuckers, which ironically is what lets them relax into each other.

the game of truths is possibly the best example of this: we see Neil sorting through potential questions and discarding some because it’s too much/too soon; he doesn’t know enough to see if this is a soft limit or a breaking point. they spend most of the first book mapping out boundaries, unintentional as that may be, and by the time Andrew’s lust has turned to devastating trust, to the point where Neil need only ask, it’s because he knows that he can say no and Neil will listen.

(i suspect Andrew’s joy of telling Kevin no stems from a similar place; Kevin responds, and he pushes, but he does nothing to truly threaten Andrew or violate his no. he’s all bark and no bite, as Kevin fully believes that getting Andrew on the court is worthless if it isn’t his own decision. thus, Kevin is another person for whom no is safe, albeit in a different and more entertaining way; with Kevin, Andrew’s no has power, and exercising that is no doubt cathartic.)

my point, if there even is one, is that Andrew and Neil work because they’re abrasive—they push at boundaries and recognize when to stop. Andrew’s hard limits around sex are the most obvious examples of where this antagonistic courtship bring them, but consider also Neil’s phone: Andrew has Nicky text Neil, instructs him to push against a bruise knowing that nothing will break in the process. if they didn’t push, explore, they wouldn’t know where to stop. if they weren’t so abrasive, so determined to suss each other out, there would have been no proving grounds for trust, and they never would have figured each other out.

basically, they’re both assholes, but that’s why they work.

#andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #aftg #tfc #god i am now haunted every time i type minyard bc of that twitter poll #y'all really out here saying minYARD like that's not the weirdest way to put together those syllables #i say this as a texan. so like. apparently i have twang.

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cubbyyyy · 1 month

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Andreils peaceful violence

In my other post I mentioned how Andrew and Neil are never afraid to point out each others flaws because they know the intention is never to actively hurt the other.

I wanted to expand on that.

Andrew and Neil both have violent tendencies. It’s a result of their life and circumstances. Life never showed them kindness, so they never learned it. They don’t know how to be gentle, they don’t know how to be kind, how would they? The world never was kind to them. Being raised with brutality, seeing the worst of human life doesn’t make room for much softness.

So they leash out. Andrew with his knives. Neil with his mouth. If someone does them wrong, they aren’t afraid to snap. Their temper is hard to control, life was too unfair to them to teach restrictions in their behavior.

Yet. They learn to show kindness, in their own way.

Nicky once asked who humanizes who in this relationship and the answer is both.

Their kindness is in their trust to say what’s on their mind and knowing the place it comes from. Both aren’t afraid to address each others flaws but for once in their life they learn not to leash out, not to snap as an answer. Why? Bc they know it’s what needs to be said and that’s the only reason why it’s being said at all. It’s not to hurt and it’s not to break the other. And they trust in that. Their bad sides aren’t overwritten, they don’t pretend like the other is flawless, they aren’t afraid to address sore spots, instead they take it in. And learn. It’s a peaceful violence. Pretending like their wrongs don’t exist would be brutality. It shaped too much of their characteristics to be overlooked or talked down. They would never learn to grow out of their tendencies if they wouldn’t hold the other accountable for it, so they do it and they know the kindness that comes from it. I want you to be better. We are better than this. We deserve more than this.

Their violence isn’t an answer, their violence became a question. You want to be like that? They say. It’s peaceful.

little extra;

Andrew and Neil are kind. They don’t let the other stay the way the are. They force each other to learn, to be better, to not give in. I see you and I won’t let you become what you think you are. Your future doesn't need to be as dark as you make it out to be. Lets become something together.

Andrew and Neil are gentle. I will listen but I hear the lie. I will point out that lie and wait till you hear it to. They aren’t nothing, they are everything and eventually they know it too.

Andrew and Neil are soft. I will kiss you rough while exploring every inch of you, feel every angle bc i want to know you. Your hand is rough and tender and all I can think about is how it’s your hand and how that makes all the difference.

#andreil #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #they are in love sir #and literally perfect for each other #I’m not lying when I say they are exactly what the other needs #they make each other human #they understand each other more than anyone ever could #and based on that they can help the other the most #brings me to my next point #they don’t judge each other based on what they do #they understand it #i really need to write that analysis about neil deeply understanding andrews core #neil found peace in andrew #andrew found peace in neil #and isnt that beautiful #the foxhole court #nora sakavic

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ninyard · 4 days

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"if you can't figure it out by now, then i don't have anything else to tell you."

This would be perfect for Andrew to say to Neil

“If you can’t figure it out by now, then I don’t have anything else to tell you,”

(aka an Andreil “what are we?” conversation.)

“Allison hasn’t stopped calling you my boyfriend since we got back from the cabins.” Neil was sat parallel to Andrew with his arms wrapped around his knees in a meagre attempt at keeping warm, next to Andrew’s outstretched legs. The air on the roof of the dorms was crisp with a fresh Spring breeze, the wind swirling debris in little whirls around them. “I haven’t told her to stop, but I will if it bothers you. ”

“Is that what you’ve been thinking about for the last twenty minutes?” Andrew asked, a rhetorical air to the question he didn’t really want answered at all. The smoke that left his lips disappeared quickly in the wind, miraculous that his cigarette was still burning. He brought it back up to his lips and inhaled before turning to look at Neil. He didn’t say anything, and his bored gaze didn’t say much either.

“It’s Allison.” Neil settled for, as if it were explanation enough. He sat up straight to match Andrew’s eye-line. “It’ll catch on.”

Andrew regarded Neil for only a second longer before turning back towards the view in front. “She has never strayed far from being a tabloid princess. It’s nothing more than front page news to her.”

“I told you she was betting on us,” Neil said, but Andrew held up a finger to stop him. “What?”

“Their poor choices in gambling are not my business.” He said, stubbing out the finished cigarette next to him and flicking the butt over the edge. His hands found rest in his lap, interlaced into each other. “They chose a horse in a race and think that they’ve won. I don’t care.”

“Tell me to ask her to stop, then.” Neil looked away as well, arms crossed over his chest, close to asking Andrew to go inside. They could talk in their dorm, except for the fact that Kevin had surprisingly invited Matt over to discuss his playing strategy, and this was not the kind of conversation Neil wanted to have with company. They could speak in German; but he’d made a conscious effort to speak in English in front of his teammates since he promised not to keep secrets from them anymore. “Say the word and I’ll tell her, because I don’t care.”

“Evidently not.” Andrew said. “Why bring it up if you didn’t?”

“Well, does it?” Neil didn’t want to indulge in his desire to dodge his questions by changing the subject. “Bother you, I mean.”

“Irrelevant bullshit doesn’t bother me.” Andrew pedantically emphasised the word bother with quotation marks in the air. “You’re asking stupid questions.”

“Valid questions.” Neil corrected.

“Needless questions.”

Neil sighed and extended his legs. He had to brush the hair from out of his eyes to look over at Andrew, reminding himself that he needed a haircut. “I’ll tell her to stop, then.”

“That is not what I said.” Andrew brushed him off with a wave of his hand.

“So are you my boyfriend?” Neil wasn’t sure why he cared so much, or if he even cared at all, because he knew in truth he would never go out of his way to call Andrew his boyfriend anyway. But in some ways it felt important to understand what was really happening, and how exclusive was their nothing? In his own mind, never to be spoken aloud, did Andrew even believe that they were a thing?

Andrew looked at him, his gaze falling from the top of Neil’s head to the bottom of his chest and back up again. He tilted his head, and landed on Neil’s eyes. After a small inhale, he nodded forward, “No.”

Even expecting it, even knowing that was what he was always going to say, it still felt like a surprise punch to his stomach. That’s what Andrew had done to him, he’d turned him soft, he’d turned him into someone with an interest in normality. He’d turned him into someone who longed for a boyfriend and a life, a home, a future, even if his stomach twisted at the thought.

He pushed down the tiny feeling of disappointment that radiated through his gut, and smiled, “Okay.” Andrew didn’t look away, but he remained silent, and Neil filled the space with a question he knew he shouldn’t ask, but had to ask anyways, “So what are we?”

“You are living inside a movie.” Andrew didn’t laugh, but Neil was sure that the desire to was buried somewhere beneath his stoic expression. “Is that how far removed you’ve become in your freedom, that you think that is something you have to ask me?” He shuffled himself over so he was better facing Neil, and he glanced between his eyes. “We are nothing.”

“A truth?” Neil tested.

“Fuck off,” Andrew poked Neil’s chest hard enough to hurt. “That is the truth.”

“So I’ll tell Allison to stop.” Neil’s head bowed in an over exaggerated nod of understanding. “I’ll tell her that you are not my boyfriend, and you don’t want to be called that. I’ll tell her you said that.”

“I hope that is not supposed to be a threat.” Neil had hoped his response would be more telling, but Andrew continued with, “Would you like to be called my boyfriend?” His tone was less inquisitive than it was mocking, the slightest grimace in his face telling Neil that he hated even saying it.

“I don’t know.” Neil reached a hand out towards Andrew, pausing for a silent glance of approval from him before he placed it on his chest, playing with the strings of the black hoodie he wore. “I’m mostly tired of not knowing what I mean to you.” Andrew’s expression hardened into something resembling annoyance as he continued to speak. “I’m not asking you to call me your boyfriend, okay? I just want to know if you‘re going to meet another guy, and think it’s okay to get him off, because we’re not together.”

Andrew didn’t move to reciprocate the touch Neil had given him, but raised an eyebrow at the hypothetical. “It sounds like it would be a problem for you if I did.”

Neil matched his stare and coolness in his response, “And what if it is?”

“This is an entirely unproductive conversation to have,” Andrew rested a wrist on Neil’s shoulder and brushed a piece of hair back behind his neck. A small but meaningful gesture that perhaps was given in lieu of ensuring Neil that his example would never happen. “I will not give you the pleasure of reassurance. If you haven’t figured it out by now, then I don’t have anything else to tell you.”

“How can I figure it out, when you keep telling me it doesn’t exist?” Neil’s voice was low, and Andrew’s sigh meant he heard the gentleness in it. He heard the way Neil hadn’t meant to sound so pleading, the words leaving his lips in such a way that felt like a desperate whisper for answers. “I want to hear you say it.”

Andrew looked down at the hair by Neil’s neck. “You know that I won’t.”

“Then tell me that we’re not just fucking for fun.”

Andrew dropped his hand and pushed Neil off, seemingly thrown by his bluntness. His laugh was a single short breath, not a semblance of a smile or humour in it. He shook his head as he took a cigarette from the packet he’d pulled from his pocket. Once the cigarette was placed between his lips, he stopped with the lighter a few inches away from his face, pointing the fire starter at Neil. “Well, we’re certainly not fucking for love.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Neil watched as he struggled to ignite the lighter, hand cupped around the flame, the wind set on blowing it out. After the third unsuccessful try, Neil reached forward to help him shield it with both his hands, until three short puffs in from Andrew told him it was lit. Andrew leaned back and exhaled. He watched as Neil pulled his hands away.

“You want to know if I’m going to get bored of you, then.” He said through smoke. Andrew adjusted himself to tuck one of his legs beneath the other, leaning his elbows on his knees. “You want to know if I have feelings, is that it?”

Neil shrugged his shoulders and looked at his hands. “Maybe.”

Neil listened as Andrew let out another smoky exhale. He cleared his throat, and when Neil thought he might speak, he instead filled his lungs again. There was no need to flick off the ash as the wind did that job for him, but from instinct he did it anyway. He let out another humourless laugh, two short puffs following in order to keep the stick lit. Andrew was not looking at Neil as he lifted his eyes to watch him, Andrew’s hazel gaze fixed on something in the distance. Using the thumb and index finger of his free hand he wiped the sides of his lips, tensing his jaw like the words took it out of him just to say. “Fuck you for even asking.”

The tug in Neil’s chest was impossible to ignore. It felt wrong to hear Andrew’s voice wrapped around those words, words that separately read like an insult, yet meant something different to their original form when he uttered them. Like watching a fish out of water, like listening to a mime sing; to have these moments of vulnerability from Andrew were as beautiful as they were rare. He hadn’t intended to steer their conversation to the place where it had landed, and part of him felt guilty as he watched Andrew silently struggle through the side of himself he swore did not exist. The side of Andrew that kept itself buried six feet below, hidden from anyone who asked, except for Neil, who’d been digging a hole for months trying to find it.

“When you put a name to something it gives it permanency, yet an opportunity to end,” Andrew sat up and moved closer to Neil, finding his position with one knee in between his legs, sitting back on a spot on the lower half of Neil’s thigh. He threw the cigarette somewhere behind him as he settled. Taking Neil’s hair into his fists, he examined the look on his face with his lips slightly pursed. He considered his words and took one hand out of Neil’s hair to hold his chin up, making sure he was listening. “You label it however you wish. I will not. Do you understand?”

Neil nodded, afraid to speak, as if any words insufficient would cause Andrew to change his mind about where he rested his body weight. It was reassurance enough that he’d found his way there, and that he remained, comfortable by his own volition.

“And for the record, Abram,” Andrew leaned in close, wisps of his hair tickling Neil’s face, his breath hot as he left a gentle kiss on his jawline. Neil shut his eyes and breathed in the moment, hiding his fists in the pocket of Andrew’s hoodie. “To answer the question you so annoyingly want answered,” He left another kiss higher up on his jaw, brushing his lip against his ear lobe as he moved, slowly, so gently Neil was both afraid he would fall apart, or that he would be able to feel his quickly beating heart through his skin. The hand that had sat in his hair moved to cup the opposite side of his face, the other tucking Neil’s hair behind his ear and holding him by his neck. Neil couldn’t help but shiver as he whispered in his ear, “I will not be fucking anyone else, and I am not just fucking you for fun. Happy?”

Neil nodded as he turned into his lips, melting into the kiss that warmed him up as the wind persisted. His hands pulled out of the hoodie pocket, and he tapped Andrew’s neck for permission to hold him. When Andrew hummed with a barely there nod, he hooked his hands around the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

There were a million things Neil could label Andrew;

Terrifying but caring. Gentle while violent.

Beautiful, like something that deserved to be hung on a wall, yet so precious Neil wished nobody else could see.

Rough. Jagged.

Talented. Human.

Misunderstood, perhaps. Genuine, most of the time.

When he thought about Andrew, there were a million things he could identify him as before landing on Neil’s boyfriend.

He would not tell Allison to stop, nor correct Nicky when he joined in. He would not say it out loud, either, as if their nothing that is something was so sacred it couldn’t be uttered. It was a relief of course to know that Andrew was his, and though he felt embarrassment rush through his blood at the idea of it, he was certain that what they had both found in each other was glaringly rare and hauntingly perfect. He noticed how perfect they fit together in each others space, lips on lips, hands on skin, and wondered how he ever doubted this was it; that this was real.

He was sure that no one else could experience such a thing.

#this got a little too long but I could keep going #the prompt is supposed to be angsty but <3 look at these two <3 #look at how they love each other #I hope this is okay! I hope you enjoy!#I love these funky little guys #Neil josten #Andrew minyard #aftg #all for the game #andreil #andreil fic

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emry-stars-art · 7 months

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i am FERAL for the royal au and i am curious, what is neil and andrew's first kiss like in this au? all the art you drew is giving me thinky thoughts

[The thinky thoughts art in question] and THANK YOU for this ask!! (sorry about making u feral pls take care 🙏)

I don’t even remember how the scene idea came to me but I do remember thinking that royal au andreil first kiss would in fact be pretty different than canon only because Andrew, knowing Abram’s had bad experiences with touch beyond violence (I believe unlike canon), would somehow be even more careful about how he approached it (coming from the one “I want to see you lose control” is directed at. Impressive)

And also we’re in the middle of these two’s fun game of “is he trying to court me or am I making inappropriate assumptions” so that’s super cool and fun TT

Anyway read it here and have a little taster (but first go look at @astridsbirdskulls drawing of their kiss bc it’s SO sweet omg)

Find the royal au masterpost here 💕

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fortheloveofexy · 4 months

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I know Nora says andreil don't say "I love you" and I know many people prefer that take and I also know that saying the words is not necessary to have a loving, healthy relationship and that some people love differently etc etc...

BUT! I think they do say the words, at least once. And here's why:

Neil needs things spelled out. He might know that he loves Andrew, but he will never, ever make an assumption about how Andrew feels about things, including Neil himself.

Additionally, Neil is not used to being loved. He isn't used to assuming that the people in his life actually love him. So why would he assume someone loves him just because they do nice things for him sometimes? Maybe they're doing it out of pity. Maybe they have ulterior motives. Neil doesn't know and the idea that it's out of love would not be his first guess.

So, if Andrew doesn't come right out and say it directly, Neil will live under the assumption that Andrew doesn't love him.

He might be fine with that, going about his life believing Andrew doesn't love him the same way Neil loves him. Neil is used to loving things that don't love him back, and at least Andrew seems to care enough to let him stick around. That's better than nothing.

However, the minute Andrew finds out Neil thinks his love is one-sided, he makes sure to correct that.

It's like pulling teeth for him - getting the admission, the words out there - but Andrew refuses to let Neil carry on believing he is unloved.

It comes out more like an insult and a curse, wrapped in barbed words to hide the soft underbelly Andrew is exposing ("God you are so dense sometimes. I love you, you fucking idiot.").

But the fact that Andrew utters those words at all is enough to make Neil's eyes widen ("Do you mean it?") and Andrew's ears turn pink as he nods ("Don't make me say it again.")

And then Neil says it back, and he says it so plainly and so honestly ("I love you too.").

And this is the part Andrew had not expected, because he knew all this time that Neil loves him. Neil had stayed - without a deal, without a promise, expecting nothing in return. He gave Andrew all of his truths and then some. That was all the proof Andrew had needed.

But then he hears the words out loud and it's overwhelming. Neil has always been shameless in his feelings and his affection, and there was never any doubt, but-

It's nice, to hear the words out loud and know for a fact that they are true. In the past, "I love you" has always been a lie, a trick, a shiny veneer to hide the ugliness beneath the surface.

But not so here. Neil has backed up that "I love you" every step of the way through his actions. This "I love you" is not a lie. It is just another one of Neil's truths, given freely.

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #andreil #neil josten

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jeanvaljeancheri · 4 months

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Here are some recs with the secret relationship trope! Most of them are andreil but the last one is jerejean :) i organized them by word count to make it easier.

The Enemy of My Friend is My Super Enemy 2k

Grace stands in solidarity with her teammate and friend Andrew Minyard.

Therefore, she hates that asshole Neil Josten.

don’t hate the player, hate the game 2k

Allison smirks suddenly. “At least I got an up close view of that ass.”

“Not a total loss then.” Nicky grins at her and they fist bump.

Kevin just sits there watching them, silently judging them and siping his vodka.

(neil is a hot stranger at the bar. people try and get with him. kevin drinks copious amounts of alcohol.)

Raven's Nest Burning 2k

While Andrew and the Foxes were in the stadium parking lot, next to the team bus, waiting for Wymack to appear, Evermore's East Tower exploded.

Pointless 3k

The Foxes have only ever known him as the vicious, vindictive Monster he’s portrayed himself as. Now, he’s a mystery no one knows how to solve; hard and violent for strangers, soft and gentle for this boy with the sharp smile.

5 times the Foxes accidentally spied on Andrew and his secret boyfriend and the 1 time they actually get to meet him.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day 4k

Neil has one of the worst days and Andrew is able to make it a little bit better.

Welcome to my Professor Neil and Professional Exy Player Andrew world! This is probably going to be a series where I explore more of this little AU that I love dearly!

i'll keep you 4k

Aaron asked, “What’s your deal? What’s going on?”

Andrew had no choice. He stood up, walked to the bowl of freshly cut melon surrounded by pools of watermelon juice and an assortment of black seeds, and plucked a piece of the fruit. It was dark red and glistening and sweet on his tongue.

It tasted like ash. Like a dirty little secret. Like a mistake.

The Bet 5k

“I bet the monster will come alone again this year,” he says, his voice scratchy like the sound of a blender in the early hours of the morning.

“I’ll take that bet,” Aaron says, face a blank slate, anger cooling behind his eyes.

“Five hundred bucks,” Seth replies, eyes sparkling in amusement. He’s got the face of someone who thinks they’ve won.

“A thousand,” Aaron counters. Andrew’s eyebrow twitches up imperceptibly, a feeling like a laugh bubbling up his throat.

(In which Neil and Andrew are secretly married.)

it's disillusion, and confusion (this illusion of me) 5k

“Okay, kid. You can fend for yourself I’m sure, but you won’t be able to beat the guy whose car this is. He’s dangerous.” Ignoring the way Neil snorted, Matt barreled on. “Like, really dangerous.” He trailed off; Neil looked as though he was torn between amusement and anger.

or; 5 times the foxes were confused over neil and andrew's relationship and the 1 time andrew made it clear

Not-So-Secret Someone 6k

Eight times the Foxes discover that Andrew is seeing someone and one time they meet Andrew’s elusive partner

about u 9k

Neil and Andrew have been friends since they were kids. Recently though, those feelings had turned into more. While they try to keep their relationship secret because they’re scared of their families’ reactions, they go on a family beach vacation. Chaos ensues.

Brother of Mine 12k

'Aaron should have known something was going on with Andrew when he had agreed to change their deal.

Thoughts of Katelyn, of not having to hide her anymore, took up all the space in Aaron’s mind and he never wondered why Andrew would have relented so easily.

Looking back, it should have been obvious what was going on.'

OR: 5 times Aaron should have realized Andrew had somebody, and the one time he met him.

Odd Eye 16k

Andrew spends most of his childhood thinking he is a psychopath. He is not. Andrew is, and always will be, just Andrew.

That Isn't Nothing 38k

A look into the lives of pro exy players Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten. The world says they hate each other, but when Andrew gets transferred to Neil's team, their teammates begin seeing something else between them.

Sixteen hours 120k

started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this (affectionate)

Jean and Jeremy secretly start dating in their final year at USC.

In my top three favourite jerejean fics of all time!

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aftgficrec · 5 months

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Fics where Neil gets in a fight and actually wins!! I know it’s more commonly said that he can start fights and not finish them but let’s be for real, the boy was raised by two mafias and is scary as hell (I think i’ve seen someone ask this a while ago but i’m not sure if there’s an updated list) Mainly wondering for like post-canon fics, but au’s are cool too!

There’s quite a bit to discover on this topic, be that AU or in the context of canon. Of course, Neil rarely comes out of these troubles unscathed, but he wouldn’t be Neil if there wasn’t also a little martyrdom involved. You might find more on this under our bamf!Neil, butcher!Neil and occasionally raven!Neil tags. Have a browse, and see if there’s anything you like. - S

Some previous recommendations:

BAMF!Neil here

BAMF!Neil 2 here

BAMF!Neil 3 here

BAMf!Andreil w/happy ending here

badass Neil here

Neil fights and wins here

A dark Neil here

Neil says it's fine i've had worse here

Neil protects Katelyn/the foxes/Andrew here

Foxes find out Neil's not soft here (see list of recs at top of post)

Neil hurts/kills in front of foxes here

new BAMF! or Raven!Neil here

dark!Neil & Andrew here

bad boy Neil here

Neil Josten: Moriyama spy here

Neil kills Nathan here

Killing Eve AU here

‘Skin Comes Apart (Angel in Lothian)’ here

‘Bound for Error’ here

‘turn out the lights’ here (completed)

‘From Dungeons’ here

‘Whiskey Sour’ here

‘Negotiations’ and ‘The Butcher's Hello’ here (updated)

‘Shake my Tomb’ and ‘Appendages’ here

‘The Butcher’s Son’ here

‘it takes two (but you and i are one)’ here

‘monster (under my bed)’ here

post-canon (more or less):

Out for Blood by Aquared46 [Rated M, 27975 words, complete, 2023, locked]

"Neil’s first thought upon opening his eyes was that he was lucky to be in the trunk of a car instead of the back of a van. His second thought was that even if he survived this, Andrew might finally give into the temptation to kill him." AKA Neil is abducted and everyone has a bad time.

tw: kidnapping, tw: torture, tw: nightmares

born for this by dovegraye [Rated G, 1278 words, complete, 2023]

There are some parts of Nathaniel Abram Wesninski that Neil Abram Josten can’t ignore and refuses to play at trying anymore. This is one of them.

tw: violence

My Lover Writes Me Letters by AceSirenSinger [Rated M, 23018 words, complete, 2023]

He feels it again – the fury, of Neil’s taunting precision, of his expertise honed specifically for Andrew. It makes Andrew furious. Andrew has not felt anything since he woke up with his head on fire, in a room with a man made of compressed violence. *** Andrew loses his memory of the last five years, and forgets Neil. Neil martyrs himself because of course he does.

**tw: threatened rape/noncon between major characters**, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: referenced animal cruelty and death, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: murder, tw: implied disordered eating

five times neil beat the babygirl allegations, plus the one time he didn't by r3mus [Rated T, 7488 words, complete, 2023]

neil will NEVER beat the babygirl allegations in MY heart but, alas, he would probably punch me if i called him babygirl to his face.

tw: violence

Damnation by X0X0HauntedX0X0 [Rated M, 15572 words, incomplete, last updated Jan. 2022]

Unkind and ever familiar, that anger Lola had triggered earlier returned with sharp teeth and without mercy. He would rip his time from their hands by force, like he’d been doing every day since he was born. Lola was clever as the devil, but Neil had been raised through the loopholes. She couldn’t hurt his Foxes if she was dead. Or Neil is much more dangerous than anyone gives him credit for.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: torture, tw: blood/gore, tw: alcohol, tw: drugs

NB: fic art of post-torture Neil by @kazzyboy here

Maybe a Mobster by definitely_not_loki [Rated M, 1558 words, complete, 2022]

Neil Josten had transferred at the beginning of this season, and sure he'd been a nightmare for the team, but not in the "I was raised by a serial killer" kind of way. He was hard on the team—way harder than anyone had been before—and he wasn't even the captain. He was just some rookie striker from South Carolina. Most of the time she forgot he was anything but a rookie striker, but then someone would ask about his scars or call him a different name. Those were the few moments she remembered he wasn't just an asshole. He was an asshole with a past. So when The Event happened, she was terrified, horrified beyond all reason, but she was not surprised. Or, Neil is a badass motherfucker.

tw: violence, tw: blood

Neil has some bad habits. by evelynreads23 [Not Rated, 1068 words, complete, 2022]

Neil learnt things when he was young, how to wield a knife, how to hide a body. He was doing good and not thinking about it until someone was telling him he was a fan of the butcher. He was in a haze afterwards and freaked when Jack was being an asshole. This is Neil going to his roots but staying Neil, protecting Andrew and the foxes and not having fun when his past is brought up. Read at your own risk! :)

tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: homophobia, tw: panic attacks

Dart Boards and Knife Fights by clumsylittlewriter [Rated T, 2983 words, complete, 2022]

"As if in sync, both of them dropped down into fighting stances and tensed their muscles. 'I apologize in advance if I end up killing you,' Nathaniel said, his voice dangerously quiet. Natalie threw her head back and released a sharp peal of laughter, more malicious than anything Andrew had ever heard from her. 'Don’t get cocky, Butcher-boy,' she taunted, her eyes glittering with vicious glee. The Butcher’s smile reappeared on his partner’s face." (a game of darts reminds Andrew that Neil was raised by someone fascinated with knives)

All the masks I've left behind by SagaEllen [Rated T, 1879 words, complete, 2021]

Neil does not cry. Aaron asks for help. And everything is such a mess.

tw: knives, tw: violence

all for his foxes by Olympyas [Not Rated, 2469 words, complete, 2021]

If he wanted to defend his family Neil wouldn't be enough, but someone else would, just this time, just for them. This is how Nathaniel opened the door and managed to stop the knife threw at him. And that was familiar, It even became a reflex by now. They taught him. Lola taught him in a way he wouldn't be able to forget. Lola and Romero come for Neil directly at Palmetto and Neil defends his family.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: blood, tw: knives

AU:

Dead Ringer by HalloweenReaper [Rated E, 18892 words, incomplete, last updated Nov. 2023]

“Potential.” Riko slammed Neil against the wall again and whirled on Kevin. Kevin stared back at him, white-faced and tense. “You said that goalkeeper had potential and then wrote him off as useless when I offered him to you....” - The Foxhole Court, Ch. 13. Nathaniel was given to Ichirou as his private hitman after his skills as a marksman were revealed when the Moriyama tracked him and his mother down after they ran away. Riko decided to surprise Kevin with matching “pets” after he found out the goalkeeper Kevin was interested in had a twin. When Nathaniel is ordered to join the Ravens for a year to cover for a series of hits, his smart mouth meets Andrew’s prickly attitude and things get interesting.

tw: abuse, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: animal abuse, tw: panic attacks

Different Roads by frankelled [Rated T, 33944 words, incomplete, last updated Oct. 2023]

Nathaniel became Ichirou's 2nd when he was 10 years old. To protect Nathaniel from becoming a target no one can know, which leaves him in the Nest. When Kevin's hand breaks Nathaniel is in charge of protecting him from Riko, but now in Palmetto

tw: violence, tw: injuries, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks

Andrew's Regret by pandaseek [Not Rated, 13860 words, incomplete, last updated Oct. 2023]

“The first three were all former foster parents of Andrew.” Piggins continued, unable to take a hint from the frosty office he’d admitted these things too. “No.” Aaron panicked, staring at Andrew in disbelief. “Andrew has never been…!” Wymack shifted his weight on the filing cabinet, reaching down to grab his trash can and passing it across Andrew in time for Aaron to grab it and spew a cascade of vile liquid into it, while Andrew pushed his chair onto its back legs and avoided all eye contact with those in the cramped office. Andrew knew who did this. The only person who had ever willingly gone to bat for him. A person he had mistakenly believed to be dead long ago; this was proof to the contrary. Except… Except that there was one name missing. - A prompt from Justthislazy, based on my original Lifeline, that I just had to pick up and run with. Thank you for the amazing idea!

tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced csa

Promise, I Can Give You a Reason by maydaykevin [Rated T, 1689 words, complete, 2023]

Something else happens in the fated Millport locker room.

tw: violence

I'm An Accountant by boomba77 [Not Rated, 24101 words, incomplete, last updated Oct. 2023]

Abram Hatford is an accountant. A legitimate accountant. He may work for an infamous crime family, but his hands have been clean for years (of blood, at least). He is a translator and an accountant. He flies under the radar, his existence hidden from the public by his family, and he prefers it that way. For him, the words ‘safe’ and ‘unknown’ are synonymous. So, when one of the Hatford empire’s more lucrative businesses begins stirring up the wrong kind of attention and losing money as a result, the Hatfords require discretion and brains. Their elusive Abram is the only person for the job. Andrew Minyard is a part-time server at a random diner and a part-time bartender at The Den, where he spends most of his time drinking what he’s supposed to be serving. It isn’t until strange things start happening around the club that Andrew decides to pay a bit more attention to the shady shit going on at his work. And then, when a stranger shows up looking for work with a perfect resume and a symmetrical face, Andrew finds his suspicion, and his interest, double. All of the death and destruction is bad, sure, but at least it’s interesting. OR Waiting for death is not living.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: dissociation, tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: scars

Rheostat by NeilfuckingJosten [Rated M, 14315 words, incomplete, last updated Aug 2023]

Nathaniel Wesninski, alias Neil Josten is finally out of the Nest and into the world of professional exy. Deadly, smart and worse than his father, Nathaniel will bring a storm into Andrew's quiet world. AKA, they meet in the pro's.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced abuse

I Was Ruined From The Start by BrokenPineTree [Rated M, 39021 words, incomplete, last updated April 2023]

Neil’s grin is audible as he replies. "Riko’s antics getting outed to the public would make him a liability. And I do remember telling you that threats need to be dealt with accordingly." Kevin's stomach lurches into his throat with the conclusions he jumps to. "So, you’re gonna go back to the Nest?" He asks quietly. Slowly. Unsure how to feel about Neil putting himself in that situation again. He can't do that, right? He has other things to worry about now. Neil hums disapprovingly. "Try again," He offers. Kevin does. "You're... coming to Palmetto?" The au where Kevin doesn't have full confidence in Andrew's ability to stand between him and his lurking demons after only spending a few months at Palmetto. But with the dangerous card itching to emerge from under his sleeve, does he really need to?

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: panic attacks

True Crime by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 1789 words, complete, 2022]

All Andrew needed was the WiFi password.

tumblr posts:

Neil Does Not Like when people mess with his people. by @hmmm-shesucks [tumblr, 2023]

Whenever any of the foxes are slightly inconvenienced by someone enough to complain about them, Neil always asks, “Do you want me to take care of it?”

tw: implied/referenced violence

Neil gets in a fight by @hmmm-shesucks [tumblr, 2023]

Neil gets in a fight on the court and it’s one of those where gloves are dropped and helmets are thrown and the punches are quick and hard.

tw: blood, tw: violence

Neil is dangerous and Aaron knows it hc by @thefoxholestuff [tumblr, 2021]

I love the idea of Neil being the really dangerous one rather than Andrew and the Foxes all being Shook and Andrew being a gay disaster over it

Part 2 - an expansion

here’s an expansion of my Neil-is-dangerous-and-Aaron-knows-it post,

one night the foxes are at edens and some guy starts to harass Andrew hc by @zipperuser103 [tumblr, 2021]

I know that Neil “starts fights that he can’t finish”, but I refuse to believe that he has no fighting skills at all.

tw: violence

Art

bamf!Neil by @emry-stars-art

(Feat. BAMF? Assassin? Secret Agent? Neil) by @baylecn

Good boy, junior by @jayjuls

Killer In The Mirror by @allfortheslay25

Killing Eve AU by @rainbowd00dles

Wesninski looks good on you by @ouijacine

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