seaon one wilson: [knows that house is vulnerable in ways no one else is willing to see and is visibly nervous about the prospect of house going out with someone who can’t see this]
season two wilson: i’m going to force house to meet up with his parents who he is desperate to avoid. this is a rational thing to do and i’m very smart
WORLD IS MY BACKYARD
Bash Em All 2021
I am willwoof
410,757,864,530 DEAD MONSTERS
she will beat you with an oversized instrument without hesitation
Oh my God, first of all. Pretty sure the word iconic was coined to describe this scene. Second of all, the whole time I was watching it, I was lowkey thinking, "this seems like a gay dude who can't stop this girl from hitting on him but also can't come out to her"* and then I realized it was actual, factual homosexual Tab Hunter! Oh Lola, barking up the wrong tree.
Anyway karaoke/gender/life goals.
*this is absolutely not the plot of Damn Yankees, and if you go in expecting that, you will be disappointed. Well, maybe it's subtext? I haven't seen it in a really long time. Boy this sure is the type of meandering aside I usually leave in the notes.
“.... And when my thoughts become an overwhelming ocean, you comfort me in your shores and remind me I have a home.”
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i think finding your 1x1 partner is as hard as finding your real best friend or your love. it has to click, you know? maybe i'm the only one with that selective mindset, but when you find that right one, you just know it. it's about the vibe. i mean it's also cool when that lil chemistry happens in groups too, i do live for that as well, but in groups i mostly stay to myself i guess? idk. but yeah, conclusion is, i love ships. and when you have someone to make them ships happen? the best thing ever.
I follow so many pretty people. I want to be anyone but myself. I hate everything about my face. My body is worthless. Being anyone but me would be a blessing.
I know it's not healthy to follow all these people, Cosplayers and OF models. They make a living out of looking good. But like, the others that I follow don't. Twitch streamers, workout enthusiasts, and just regular gay people. But every one of them looks better than I ever will. And it's so hard. It's so hard to not just give up and think I should end it sometimes. What's the point of transitioning if I only get worse. Better the devil you know and all that.
But I hate this body so much. I want to tear off my face and rip out my voice. It's not mine. It's not me. Why can't I have a nice voice. A pretty face. Something that feels more like how I see myself in my mind's eye. Something that represents me at least a little bit.
I want to be so many things. And not one of them me.
I want to rock the alt/goth/emo/scene aesthetic. I want the black clothes and the chokers and the leather jackets and the piercings and the metal studs and platform steel toed boots. I want that and I want to look good in it.
I want to be the stereotypical pretty girl. With skirts and long hair and pastel colours and jackets and a cute laugh and to have people say I'm cute and pretty. I want it so bad.
I want to be able to change style at will. To go from emo to pastel to flannel and jeans. I want to be able to change my hair colour and piercings to match me too.
But here I am. Unable to actually get a single regular ear piercing. Unable to get a tattoo. Unable to dye my hair or get it cut even remotely feminine because hair stylists see me as a guy. Unable to switch clothes to a new style I want and love. Unable to change.
I want to change. I want a redo of life at this point so I could be me. I want to change everything about me so fucking god damned badly. But I never seem to be able to. Whether it's from external or internal issues. Parents screaming at me. Losing internships. Or just the constant unending crushing fear of deviation from what I've been.
Idk. Change is what I need and what I'm unable to do. It's be easier to kill myself I feel lol
I forgot how much retainers hurt when you wear them for the first time
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Finally my girl Gina gonna get what she deserves
Barbara (2012) dir. Christian Petzold
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GUYS i finally came up with an ok-ish loki url
me: buenas night
my roommate: 好 night
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people thinking akechi is hot is so weird. what do you think he’s gonna do, top you?
Just out of curiosity: how do y'all like your eggs?
BoN and 93. Makeovers!
Thinking about how I would write anything makes me nervous but uhh
For a BoN makeover, I'm kinda imagining that one scene from The Man From U.N.C.L.E? Where Gabi needs to blend in with a country club or smthg but as they're finding the outfit Illya and Napoleon keep fighting about what she needs to wear? Only Nile is both Gabi in this situation and one of the men.
Like they have to go undercover (I'm thinking she's partnered up with Nicky (a dynamic I would like to see explored more in BoN fic)). The event they're going to is high class, and does Nile - the ... lower-middle class kid (??? was it Marivan? nevermindirah? who made those posts a week or so ago? I can't remember but a lot of discussions about what Nile's socioeconomic life in Chicago would have been happening but in non-AUs, she's not rich anyway I'm rambling), who enlisted in the marines know a ton about high-end designers and silhouettes? Maybe enough for a night at the club with her friends, but not to fit in with people whose money goes back generations! Not with people whose daddy made some investments both clean and dirty/exploitative and have shaken hands with the likes of Bezos and Musk! but she's Nile Goddamn Freeman and everyone is still babying her and she can figure out how to dress herself for this .... gala(?)!
(they try, they really do, but Andy and Quyhn have been around for multiple millennia, Joe & Nicky crossed the millennia mark a few decades ago. Time just is different for them. Booker is the best about it because they're the two babies, but even he slips up sometimes because though time isn't as ... fluid? vague? for him it does sometimes hit him that he's almost 250yrs older than her and thats not taking into account their eternal ages PLUS he's only been back from exile for like??? a little under a decade so he's only 85/90% internalized how much of a competent leader she is who does not need to be babied on missions for the millionth time Joe)
So why? the hell is Booker giving his very strong opinions on what gown she should wear, what shoes, what jewelry, how she should do her makeup (he's smart enough to not say a word about her hair[also as a non-Black person who hasn't had a lot of interactions with Black culture I, as a writer, wouldn't even know how to address that kind of interaction. Booker's smart hesitancies are my hesitancies]).
If Nile suggests whatever bracelet option it's shot-down and different on is offered. He has her slipping in and out of ensembles, some of which make sense, others absolutely do not. And Nile. Is. Getting. Very. Frustrated. Sebastien. Joe's been offering his two cents on every outfit she comes out with and sending pics to Nicky who's out with Quynh getting his own tux, and Nile bitches to Nicky later that his only decision being a pocket square was super unfair, but is otherwise just teasing her. Andy doesn't really care and would have left the shop to get a coffee ages ago if Quynh hadn't texted her that they're bringing some for everyone. And finally the last two amble their way into the shop, Nicky takes a look at Nile who is glaring at Book and Book who is sarcastically smiling at her, takes one look at the multitude of dresses on the hanging rack and tells her to go with the green one, with associated accessories. It matches the pocket square Quynh picked out. And Booker relents that its a good choice (and that she'd look beautiful/fine regardless of the choice under his breath but Nile hears and is seeing red and has to be restrained)
Yadda yadda yadda the mission goes well, they get the info they need and plan to take the baddie down later in the week (also despite him being affable, Nicky Nicks is kind of inherently imposing and the baddie du jour definitely thinks to himself that if this striking Italian wasn't so friendly then he would absolutely piss himself.)
So Nicky and Nile finally get back to the hotel and she's still pissed at Booker bc a) changing in and out of that many intricate outfits its tiring and b) its the principle of the matter!! Why couldn't rat bastard man just trust her opinion??? Imbecile!
(you don't trust Nile to make her own decisions? You make her feel small? Jail for Booker! Jail for one thousand years!)
But yeah, she ends up slinking away to her room early, and Books comes a knocking and apologizes for being a gorilla man and slipping up, but also it somehow lets slip that he couldn't get it out of his head that these gowns were just costumes and clearly clearly Nile is at her most beautiful and breathtaking when she's dressed up like herself and what they were picking at in the shop earlier absolutely pales in comparision (also like ... I feel like its understood that Nile had to almost beat this out of him. Like he hemmed and hawwed when she called him out on his shit and like ... idk barricaded the door ... actually no she absolutely did that, has a split second silly where she references the Les Miz movie and Booker takes a second to stop being a Wide Eyed Wreck to contemplate smothering her with a pillow). And they kiss? maybe have emotional sex? Like ... again, its me so it'd be very 'fade to black' sex but its finally happening? Mayhaps? idk. My favourite BoN is soft, tender BoN.
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