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gettothestabbing · 5 months

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Putting in another Christian Science ask: what kind of position does Mary Baker Eddy have? As in, are you required to accept all of her pronouncements, and if not, what's the criteria for what isn't and is accepted? Is she a prophet, or just the person who figured out Christian Science?

This is one of the things that people wonder most about Christian Science, and which also invites comparison to Scientology, which during its founder's lifetime was constructed around his personality. First off, no one ever prays to her. She is not an intercessory figure. We are not required to have all the opinions Mrs. Eddy had as a person, but we do follow all her writings. The only writings of hers we do not follow are her older drafts of Science and Health. While they are historically and theologically notable, Christian Scientists only follow the final, authorized 1910 edition of the book, in accordance with her wishes. She also wrote a lot of poems. 7 of them are the lyrics of some of our most beloved hymns. But we do not go to her poetry for theological instruction.

Mrs. Eddy held a few titles in her lifetime, notably Discoverer and Founder, but the ones that have officially endured past her death are Leader and Pastor Emeritus. I think the term prophet would be appropriate too; I certainly consider her such. But most CS people would stick only to the titles she allowed in her lifetime. They do this out of respect for her heightened spiritual understanding.

For those unaware, a brief explanation. [Well as brief as I, the perpetually long-winded person, can be.] Mary Baker Glover Eddy (1821-1910) was an American woman who had poor health and bad luck in marriage for the first half of her life. After a bad fall on ice in 1866, attending doctors told her that death was imminent and they could do no more for her. She asked to be given her Bible to read, and turned to the gospels. Reading a story of one of Christ Jesus' healings (which one has been long forgotten, even by Mary herself), she soon rose from the bed, and, after a short relapse later that day which she treated through the same method, she was fully healed of the injury. She spent the next three years completely focused on reading Scripture and praying to try and figure out how the healing had occurred.

The rest of her life was devoted to writing Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, a text Christian Scientists hold with the Bible as central to our faith and practice. Though first published in 1875, Mrs. Eddy continually revised and worked on this book for the rest of her life, with the final edition coming out the year she died. She always described this as being " a scribe under orders." She hoped that all Christian churches would read and accept the ideas in her book and that it would leaven the whole of Christianity and elevate worldwide Christian practice. This did not happen, and while some considered her ideas helpful to their understanding, many more clergy and Christians were openly hostile or declared it unchristian.

So eventually Mrs. Eddy founded her own church, now known as the Church of Christ, Scientist. In her lifetime, the Mother Church in Boston was built and then extended to fit the rapidly growing congregation. There was a room built in the original edifice called the Mother's Room, specifically for her to use and take rest in before or after giving a sermon. Many Christian Scientists called Mrs. Eddy "Mother" during her lifetime. She wrote against this several times, but among the people who worked in her household, she was less strict about this affectionate title. No one uses it today, and it would be weird and frowned upon if they did.

After her three years of study, Mrs. Eddy increasingly became famous as a healer. People would be healed passing her on the street, having only made eye contact with her, or while attending her lectures and sermons. But most healing accounts were the result of direct conversation with her or the patient requesting her to come. There are hundreds if not a thousand or more accounts of her healing works, and the Mother Church (the central governing body of CS) works hard to preserve, retrieve, and triple-check the authenticity of all such accounts.

Mrs. Eddy is deeply revered by Christian Scientists today as in her lifetime. I would never deny that there were personality-cult elements in the first generation of CS believers. It was easy, due to personal love for her and to her many healing works, for early students to make the mistake of focusing on her personality and imagine her as more than she said she was. Some students would lavish her with praise that made her uncomfortable and was theologically inappropriate, such as calling her Christ come again or claiming (as Bliss Knapp famously did in his 1946 book) that she was the woman crowned with stars from Revelation.

The Bliss Knapp book, The Destiny of the Mother Church, was controversially printed and briefly distributed by the Mother Church in 1990, which caused a minor schism within CS. The Church Manual has a section about Incorrect Literature, which this book clearly violated:

No Incorrect Literature. Sect. 11. A member of this Church shall neither buy, sell, nor circulate Christian Science literature which is not correct in its statement of the divine Principle and rules and the demonstration of Christian Science. Also the spirit in which the writer has written his literature shall be definitely considered. His writings must show strict adherence to the Golden Rule, or his literature shall not be adjudged Christian Science. A departure from the spirit or letter of this By-Law involves schisms in our Church and the possible loss, for a time, of Christian Science. (Manual of The Mother Church, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 43:21)

It was done for monetary reasons, which the Directors admitted, and has only recently been removed from publication. Bliss Knapp is one of the few students who both knew Mrs. Eddy personally and who proclaimed such heretical statements about her without being rebuked by her (as she was already dead) or being excommunicated. But this is purely due to how he set up his will and this book in trust, leading to the complicated monetary/theological situation in the 1990s. Had she read the book, Mrs. Eddy would have never allowed it to be published.

There are a lot of directions this could go, but I think the best way to explain Mrs. Eddy's ongoing role in the church is to tell you about Augusta Stetson. Augusta was an immensely popular preacher of Christian Science. Trained as a professional elocutionist, she converted to CS after hearing Mrs. Eddy speak in 1884. Although Mrs. Eddy disliked Stetson's style of preaching, she still sent her in 1886 to help found a church in New York City. Stetson's personal magnetism led her to develop her own cult of personality and enormous influence within this branch church. It became the largest and richest of all the branch churches.

Even when preaching was replaced with reading the weekly Bible Lesson [explained in a later paragraph], Stetson would not stop preaching until Mrs. Eddy personally told her to, and this change did not lessen her absolute control over that church congregation. Stetson held the First Reader position for so many years that as a direct result, the Church Manual specifically includes a term of three years for readership. Mrs. Eddy cared for Stetson personally, and for twenty years she tried to alternately praise and rebuke her into correct behavior, but she was not stern enough to cause Stetson to truly repent. Stetson saw herself, and soon styled herself to others, as Mrs. Eddy's successor. Mrs. Eddy and Stetson had their final conversation in 1908. Stetson appeared repentant, but the next year, she wrote a letter to Mrs. Eddy speaking of her in deifying, heretical terms, at which point Mrs. Eddy sharply rebuked her and asked for the Board of Directors of the Mother Church to investigate her. When Stetson heard of Mrs. Eddy's death, she declared that Mrs. Eddy would rise from the grave, appear to her personally first, and then appear to the rest of the world. She repeated this claim the rest of her own life, while running an offshoot of CS centered around her 'Church Triumphant,' noted as being anti-CS, anti-Catholic, anti-Semitic, and promoting protofascist ideas and Nordic supremacy at various points in the 1920s. [None of these elements were ever present in CS theology or literature, naturally.]

I think that many people unfamiliar with Mrs. Eddy would assume that she was a person like Stetson. Mrs. Eddy never claimed to be a second Christ, the woman in Revelation prophecy, a reincarnation of any Biblical figure, or any part of the Godhead. Students who claimed this were rebuked universally. We refer to Mrs. Eddy as the Discoverer, Founder, and Leader of Christian Science. The discovery and founding are complete. They are not perpetual, as Christian Science recognizes no successor to Mrs. Eddy's work or position. She retains the titles of Leader and Pastor Emeritus.

Partly due to students like Stetson, who both wanted her position for themselves and attempted to flatter or deify her inappropriately, and partly because of the many offshoot spiritual movements that tried to appropriate her ideas without giving her credit for introducing them and tried to remove the Christian theology that gave those ideas backing, Mrs. Eddy was very firm on remaining Pastor Emeritus after her death. She often said that those who sought her [as a person] would find her in her writings. She also spoke out emphatically against Spiritualism in her writings and speeches. Our theology holds that there are no ghosts, nor can there be any communication between the dead and the living. Any Christian Scientist who claimed or claims to be in communication with Mrs. Eddy personally after her death is rebuked or excommunicated, depending on the extent of the claim made. Her leadership of the church is purely in her writings, in the ideas she gave us "as a scribe under orders."

But, to be fair, there is a lot of respect and interest in Mrs. Eddy's personality anyway. She was a warm, loving person. She was very strict about cleanliness. She loved ice cream. There are a multitude of church-sanctioned biographies about her, most of which I've read, some of which were even part of my homework for Christian Science Nursing training. Growing up, I had a children's book about her life.

Many CS churches also have one or more portraits of her, usually as an older woman with a serene expression. And because more CS churches have portraits of her than of Christ Jesus, I have been asked more than once if this means that we see her as a replacement for Jesus. To this I would say that Christ Jesus lived long enough ago that CS people are uncomfortable choosing a portrait of him, whereas Mrs. Eddy lived recently enough that we know for sure what she looked like. But I admit that it does invite suspicions of a cult of personality more than anything else.

In turning her church away from personal preaching by establishing the system of Bible Lessons and readership, Mrs. Eddy denied power to those who would seek, like Stetson, to take the theological rudder of the church away from her writings. Bible Lessons are compiled by a committee within the Mother Church three years in advance. There is one every week of the year, in a rotating system of subjects set out by Mrs. Eddy, so that we have each subject twice a year. The Sunday sermon is always a reading of this weekly Bible Lesson, with the First Reader reading the Bible citations and the Second Reader reading those from Science and Health. The books are meant to be read together, but the Bible always comes first. Wednesday sermons are compiled by the First Reader, but they must purely consist of quotations from these two books, which we collectively consider our Pastor.

Mrs. Eddy as Pastor Emeritus is similarly in a position in our church from which she cannot be removed. To pretend that CS owes her nothing would be wrong, and would inevitably lead us theologically astray. Every splinter group off of CS makes this mistake, and all of them lack the power to heal that CS demonstrates. Mrs. Eddy learned very early that the only way to heal was to understand that it was not a personal power. Only by knowing God as the only power and healer could she see others be healed while praying for them.

Sometime in the 1870s, she did take personal pride in having healed a little girl. When she reached home, a message had come saying the child had relapsed. In grief and repentance, she fell to her knees and spent the next several minutes repenting of this self-centered pride and giving the glory back to God. Soon, another message came from the family saying that the girl was perfectly well.

It was a lesson swiftly and absolutely learned, and it shows how Mrs. Eddy saw herself. She was the scribe under orders, no more and no less. To finish up, here's what she said in her Message to the Mother Church for 1901:

Finally, brethren, wait patiently on God; return blessing for cursing; be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good; be steadfast, abide and abound in faith, understanding, and good works; study the Bible and the textbook of our denomination; obey strictly the laws that be, and follow your Leader only so far as she follows Christ. Godliness or Christianity is a human necessity: man cannot live without it; he has no intelligence, health, hope, nor happiness without godliness. (Message to The Mother Church for 1901, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 34:20–28) (emphasis added)

#personal #asks #inbox #pers com #Christian Science #Mary Baker Eddy #I'm sorry to be so long-winded but I really want to be thorough especially when it comes to CS #cult of personality #Augusta Stetson #Bliss Knapp #long post

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thomasraukamp · 1 year

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Mary Baker Eddy

#mary baker eddy

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thirdchurchnyc · 2 years

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Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground:

Hosea 10:12

#third church nyc #Thought of the Day #mary baker eddy #christian science #hosea #mercy #god #bible #scripture #health #cure #truth #children #soul #peace #grace #immunity

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violettesiren · 1 month

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Come to thy bowers, sweet spring, And paint the gray, stark trees, The bud, the leaf and wing— Bring with thee brush and breeze.

And soft thy shading lay On vale and woodland deep; With sunshine's lovely ray Light o'er the rugged steep.

More softly warm and weave The patient, timid grass, Till heard at silvery eve Poor robin's lonely mass.

Bid faithful swallows come And build their cozy nests, Where wind nor storm can numb Their downy little breasts.

Come at the sad heart's call, To empty summer bowers, Where still and dead are all The vernal songs and flowers.

It may be months or years Since joyous spring was there. O come to clouds and tears With light and song and prayer!

Spring by Mary Baker Eddy

#mary baker eddy

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hkunlimited · 5 months

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Buddhism in the Bardo Realm: Facing Reality

All critiques, analyses, and deep discussions of arcane doctrines fall flat in the face of reality. The only important thing is the reduction of suffering. That’s why the Buddha made suffering the focus of his Four Noble Truths, the bedrock of Buddhism, without which there would have been no Buddhism. Because this is the heart and soul of Buddhism, long before the superstitions began creeping in,…

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#Calvin #duality #ego #Four Noble Truths #Freud #Hardie Karges #hungry ghosts #maharishi #Maharshi #Mary Baker Eddy #predestination

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ad-lucem-et-amor · 1 year

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When angels visit us, we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove; but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts.

Mary Baker Eddy

#poetry #Mary Baker Eddy #Poems by Mary Baker Eddy #Angels #love #feathers #hearts

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nerdandtie · 1 year

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BS-Free Witchcraft: 55. Lucky Girl Syndrome and the Law of Attraction

#Law of Attraction #Lucky Girl Syndrome #Mary Baker Eddy #new age #New Thought #Norman Vincent Peale #Phineas Quimby #Prentice Mulford #Prosperity Gospel #Rhonda Byrne #The Power of Positive Thinking #The Secret #Warren Felt Evans #BS-Free Witchcraft

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streetsofsalem · 2 years

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I Went for the Wallpaper

I love Waterhouse Wallhangings, a company which has been manufacturing wallpapers based on historical patterns for decades, and will do anything or go anywhere to see their papers in situ, so when I saw an instagram post about a recently-completed restoration project up in Amesbury featuring their work I drove right up there despite the fact that I had just returned from another road trip and was…

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#Amesbury #Historic Houses #Historic Interiors #Home #Interior Decoration #Longyear Museum #Mary Baker Eddy #Museum Houses #Religion #Wallpaper #Waterhouse Wallhangings

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the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis · 1 year

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#there is something so viscerally fucking satisfying #about ripping pages out of the holy book i grew up with #and turning them into blackout poetry #take that mary baker eddy #this faith destroyed me and i'll make something beautiful out of it anyways #fuck you

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brainjuicey · 6 months

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that e news article about tom cruise's ex wives is stuck in my brain just like that nyt article about Val kilmer. I love impossible displays of wild delusion with all my heart

#is that the story that i chewed up that boy and spat him out?#there's something eternally searching about kids from broken homes #the story is mark twain hated mary Eddie baker until you can will him into a dream where he doesn't #his brother is dead but only to our senses and god is good and there wre no ventilators #in no particular order #words in my head

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theexodvs · 3 months

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The leading figures of neurodiversity are Grandin, Robison, Silberman, Baron-Cohen, and Atwood. All of them are 65 or older, so adherents of the movement will have to consider, "Where do we go from here?"

While one might want to hope that one group keeps the name while abandoning the cultic teaching, like what happened after the death of Herbert W. Armstrong, but most Armstrongists broke fellowship with this reformist faction led by Tkach and continued promoting Armstrongist doctrine.

On the other hand, one might envision a scenario where the group remains, and its teachings do not change substantially, but its numbers and influence wane, like what happened after the death of Mary Baker Eddy. While the disease denialism certainly paints the picture of the neurodiversity movement consisting of Eddy's spiritual descendants, her group was way too small and centralized and she did basically everything possible to avoid splintering.

One might anticipate something similar to the aftermath of Joseph Smith, CT Russell, or Ahn Sahng-hong, where two major groups emerge, or one major group amidst a flurry of smaller groups emerge, each swearing on their life they are promoting their founders' actual teaching. However, again, these movement were way more centralized than the neurodiversity movement.

The best comparison is likely what happened in the years after the deaths of Alexander Campbell and Barton Stone. They engineered a movement that was decentralized by design, so there were several different figures all insisting the others were promoting false ideas. A few major groups have arisen, some more decentralized than others, but their movement is still primarily decentralized.

The likely causes of splintering for the neurodiversity movement in the coming years will likely include functioning labels, which illnesses they think are quirky enough for inclusion under their umbrella, whether to use communication devices and which, the validity of self-diagnosis, how much treatment is too much treatment, and which books and studies fit into the neurodiverse canon.

These are the issues the neurodiversity movement will find itself contending with.

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edwardsynqbatchelor · 2 years

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Fantasticfiction My Vampire System novel - Chapter 1003 - Sil's anger handy calculating propose-p3

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Novel-My Vampire System-My Vampire System

Chapter 1003 - Sil's anger needle nondescript

'I wonder what kind of daily life Sil lived to assume individuals?' s.h.i.+ro idea. When Sil checked backside at him, he converted around to stop eye-to-eye contact and knocked his carton of extract on the ground. Heading down to get it, a little something possessed went previous every one of the, at the table and due to s.h.i.+ro ducking with a certain time the item obtained whacked Sil in the facial area. 'Maybe I ought to hold out to counsel Leo when he's back again, it still doesn't experience appropriate for me to only instruct other folks without questioning him first.' Quinn imagined. The lecturers who are inside the canteen ended up soon traveling. Finding the scholars combating these were planning to start and stop it, but they also just uncovered themselves getting struck absent by a few lashes of water that will look out of not anywhere.

'You ought to recall there will invariably be many others that are more effective at certain things. Some children are greater at writing, although some are better at maths. This might be something you just can't quit. And keep in mind, 100 % pure may be teaching all their participants soon, the armed forces currently is weaker.' Vincent spelled out. With how individuals had been speaking about s.h.i.+ro and the some others, whenever they saw Zhen it was actually a similar, yet they didn't communicate positively about him and instead imagined he possessed gotten an imitation succeed. In truth, Zhen was finding paranoid over this themselves. Although walking he considered he could notice everybody referring to him, mouth area moving into the phrase champ and loser, and the man idea they had been getting aimed at him. Inside the homeroom cla.s.s, he seen that the scholars had been filled with lifestyle and excited unlike ahead of, and none seemed to be coated in bruises and signifies. What happened to Erlen experienced picked up around to see Swin and s.h.i.+ro placed on an excellent display screen of expertise, made the others not view their cla.s.s as weaker. Individuals close to him made an effort to relax Zhen decrease, though s.h.i.+ro was much more involved for Sil at this time, but once he raised his travel, he had a step back again a little. For Sil's confront was disfigured, one half of it appeared to be falling, broken out of the very best correct and around the jaws vicinity, where by it had been bleeding quite severely as a handful of his teeth were actually broken or built loosened. 'I imagine it's a very important thing that they could do the job so well without me.' Quinn idea since he reminisced about yesterday.

Ability to hear this, Sil just nodded and persisted to shove a tiny piece of bread into his mouth area. Chucky's try at rooting him up had unsuccessful.

Now every one of the college students were definitely living effectively clear of Sil and Zhen, and very quickly a giant put was listened to as Zhen's arm have been dragged from his socket.

"Hi, I don't know much regarding what we are trying to do, but we are going to obtain the capacity you are looking for inevitably. We have Logan, who has access to the many directories. So any new skills which can be noted he are able to find out, and Quinn is amongst the Community management now so obtaining facts shall be quick."

s.h.i.+ro would guess depending on the reality that this boy got exactly the same demeanour as Sil, and was dangling around with Chucky, that this was Sil. He wanted to want to do something to cheer him up, in fact, the phrase Sil claimed that day acquired really attack him. "My brother?" Chucky replied again, and this man discovered people were referring to Sil, considering that his appearance was now the same as his. "Oh yeah, he's just annoyed about failing to get some thing."

Sil, immediately picked up your back baseball in the soil, then located his fingers on Chucky, Sil and then finally Venus also. He walked forward and the cover up did start to crumble gone since it would not anymore do the job in addition to a b.l.o.o.d.y encountered Sil could now be viewed. Sil, promptly discovered the rear soccer ball coming from the ground, then located his hand on Chucky, Sil and finally Venus also. He walked forwards and his awesome face mask began to crumble out mainly because it would not do the job as well as a b.l.o.o.d.y confronted Sil could now be viewed. Hearing this, Sil just nodded and continuing to shove a tiny part of bread into his oral cavity. Chucky's try at cheering him up possessed unsuccessful.

Sil, right away picked up the back tennis ball from the floor, then positioned his hands on Chucky, Sil not only that Venus too. He went ahead along with his mask did start to crumble aside simply because it would will no longer job along with a b.l.o.o.d.y faced Sil could now be seen.

'Is it truly recommended that you train anyone it, exactly like proficiency there are a few which can be skilled in Qi and many others that are not, it might just lead to another issue.' Quinn believed.

The three boys ended up enthusiastic as they quite simply appeared to have gained new popularity. Pa.s.sing out individuals inside the hall would look at them all the time which was a first for every one of them. After excitedly speaking and bragging, they discovered the boy's disheartened feeling. "What the h.e.l.l occurred, managed somebody just put anything at us?!" Venus claimed, looking at the place that the object was tossed from. 'You have got to consider there will always be other folks that happen to be far better at specific factors. Some children are more effective at writing, and some are greater at maths. This can be something you just can't prevent. And bear in mind, Absolutely pure might be coaching a bunch of their members rapidly, the armed forces at the present time is weaker.' Vincent spelled out. The alongside him tried to relaxed Zhen decrease, when s.h.i.+ro was even more worried for Sil at this moment, however, when he lifted his mind, he had one step rear slightly. For Sil's experience was disfigured, half it seemed to be falling off, damaged coming from the very best proper and round the oral cavity spot, where by it was actually blood loss quite severely as a few his tooth enamel were definitely ruined or manufactured loosened.

It was actually an additional regular college working day. While one more and frequent had been rarely created. With everything else transpiring thus far, a normal morning seemed bizarre for Quinn and the gang. He had a excellent party that he would remember all through his everyday life, but shortly all others possessed left to do their regular tasks. "Do you find yourself fine?" s.h.i.+ro questioned, as Sil was standing up and blood vessels was falling towards the floors, dipping from either his lips or nostril but it surely was tricky to explain to due to the fact Sil was checking out the floor. That which was odd however, was s.h.i.+ro could see parts of dust slipping into the surface likewise. It had been another regular classes day. Despite the fact that one more and regular were rarely come up with. With everything else developing at this point, an everyday day appeared bizarre for Quinn as well as gang. He enjoyed a wonderful party which he would keep in mind throughout his life, but quickly everyone else possessed left to perform their ordinary tasks.

Three of the young men were ecstatic as they seemed to have earned new popularity. Pa.s.sing students within the hallway would speak about them constantly which was a first for all of them. Right after excitedly talking and offering, they seen the boy's frustrated state of mind. s.h.i.+ro would guess according to the fact that this boy experienced the exact same demeanour as Sil, and was holding around with Chucky, this was Sil. He needed to take action to cheer him up, in fact, the words Sil declared that time acquired really struck him. 'Is it some type of mask?' s.h.i.+ro figured it. The teachers who were inside the canteen were definitely before long traveling. Finding students fighting they had been attempting to jump in and avoid it, yet they just uncovered themselves becoming hit out by a few lashes water that could appear from not anywhere. It absolutely was an additional regular institution day time. However one other and ordinary were definitely rarely assemble. With everything transpiring until now, a normal day appeared weird for Quinn plus the gang. He experienced a great birthday party that he would consider for the rest of his life, but rapidly all others acquired left to accomplish their typical jobs.

Now each of the university students have been keeping well clear of Sil and Zhen, and shortly a huge put was been told as Zhen's shoulder joint were pulled from his socket. People alongside him attempted to relaxed Zhen straight down, whilst s.h.i.+ro was a lot more involved for Sil at this moment, when he lifted his head, he had a step back again slightly. For Sil's encounter was disfigured, 1 / 2 of it seemed to be falling, cracked in the very best perfect and round the jaws spot, in which it absolutely was bleeding quite severely as two or three his teeth ended up ruined or designed loose. "My buddy?" Chucky responded again, and then he spotted these were writing about Sil, considering that his appearance was now similar to his. "Oh yeah, he's just irritated about failing to get one thing." With how pupils ended up writing about s.h.i.+ro as well as the many others, whenever they spotted Zhen it was actually the identical, nevertheless they didn't talk positively about him and instead imagined he experienced gotten a fake gain. The truth is, Zhen was finding paranoid over this himself. While walking he considered he could listen to every person dealing with him, lips moving to the language champion and loser, in which he idea these folks were becoming instructed at him.

#ull #poems by mary baker eddy #the parish clerk

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thomasraukamp · 1 year

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The realities of being, its normal action, and the origin of all things are unseen to mortal sense; whereas the unreal and imitative movements of mortal belief, which would reverse the immortal modus and action, are styled the real.—Mary Baker Eddy

#mary baker eddy

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strangersteddierthings · 8 months

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The thing is, Steve has learned, that becoming untouchable isn't all he wants it to be.

People were too quick to try and reach out for him, ask for more than he was willing to give. He hadn't wanted to give up his first kiss to some random girl at some random boy's twelfth birthday party because of spin the bottle. He hadn't wanted to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with Jenny Jackson or Linda Simons at Tommy's birthday party the following year. He did want to take Mary Linscott to Snow Ball, but she just wanted to make out behind the bleachers instead of dance with him. He didn't want to do that but then Brian called him stupid for not wanting to, and asked if he was queer. So, Steve had turned right back around and dragged Mary back under the bleachers, kissing her until it was time to go to prove Brian wrong.

(Even though Steve knows Brian isn't wrong. That Steve had wanted to ask Brian to the dance as much as he'd wanted to ask Mary but knew better than to do that. He saw how they treated Eddie Munson last year for the suspicion of liking other boys and Steve wasn't going to let that happen to himself.)

Brian had congratulated him after and asked what base he got to. Steve didn't want to get to any bases, but he couldn't say that, so he just punched Brian in the arm and said 'more bases than you' which was true because Brian's date didn't kiss him even once.

Then Carol Perkins approached him at lunch, shortly after Snow Ball, and asked if Steve would be her first kiss. Not because she wanted to kiss Steve, but because she wanted to kiss Tommy H, but didn't want to be bad at kissing. Steve agreed because he liked Carol. Not in the way she liked Tommy, but mostly because she'd asked.

No one had done that yet.

She came over to his house on a Saturday because she didn't want Tommy to catch them and think she didn't like him. They made out in his room because, despite his parents being home, they didn't really care who was in his room with him or if the door was open or shut. Probably didn't even notice he had someone over. She leaves an hour later.

By Tuesday Tommy and Carol are an item and by Friday they were Steve's best friends.

However, for reasons Steve doesn't understand, more girls keep asking him to be their first kiss. And maybe it's because he's already got a reputation, or maybe Carol let slip he'd said yes when she asked, but Steve finds himself kissing a lot of girls he doesn't want to. He doesn't know how to say no. Can't find a reason too. Brian's words play in the back of his mind every time he thinks about saying no.

(Are you stupid? Are you queer? He doesn't want to be either of those things, and given his grade in biology and pre-algebra, he's really only got a hope of avoiding the queer label. His father would tolerate a stupid son. He doesn't think he'd survive if his father had a queer one.)

There are a few girls he's been crushing on that ask him and that was nice. One, Alice Baker, even becomes his girlfriend for a month. His first relationship.

Soon eighth grade gives way to being a freshman and Steve, who has always been handsome and cute, catches the eye of upperclassmen now.

And Steve's not sure how it happens, but he ends up moving past first base with another girl whose name he can't remember, or possibly never knew. He doesn't remember asking her for hers when she led him into one of the bedrooms at the house this party was at while he was way too tipsy.

And then it just grows. The reputation and what people expect from him, and he doesn't want it, but he's never said no before so can he start now? Doesn't he need a reason to say no? If he doesn't have a reason, does that make him queer? He should be wanting this. What boy doesn't want this?

And maybe he does want it. But not like this.

He doesn't want to be slightly drunk at yet another party, following the first girl that grabs his wrist and pulls him after her into whatever secluded area they can find. He doesn't want to keep saying yes when he wants to say no.

The summer between freshman and sophomore year he confides in Carol. It's a risk. Carol can be cruel, quick with her words to tear you down, to spread the rumor that will ruin your life. But she's also fiercely loyal.

He tells her he's tired of kissing people he doesn't want to.

Carol is quiet for a long time, and Steve almost thinks he's made a mistake. But then she speaks.

"Okay. Let's make a plan."

And they do. Then suddenly Steve is untouchable. Carol teaches him how to see the weakness in people and call it out. How to wield his facial expressions as a weapon and a shield. How to put on the air of being the most important person everywhere you go so well that everyone else begins to believe it. How to fall back on the fact his parents are rich, gone often, and, almost most importantly, well known in the community. It gives Steve's name a weight to throw around.

More importantly, all of that culminates in people no longer asking things of him. Instead, they look to him to take the lead, they wait to be asked. It makes Steve feel in charge of his life for once.

But now.

Now, years later, having survived a spring break from Hell and averted the apocalypse, Steve watches Eddie hang off Argyle with ease, fling an arm over Jonathan's shoulder while laughing at a joke, easily pull Dustin into a headlock or wrestling match.

Easy touches that Steve should be able to do, too. A jealousy wells inside him almost as much as the unease he feels in his stomach at the mere thought of letting them know they're allowed to reach out and touch him, too. That Eddie's allowed to reach out and touch.

But then he remembers what happened when he let people have that power over him and he can't bring himself to do it.

It settles in Steve, then, the realization. When you become untouchable, you're unable to touch.

@nburkhardt @i-less-than-three-you adding my own lil bit of angst into the mix now (:

#pre steddie #my fic #cw dubious consent #internalized homophobia #steve kisses a lot of people he doesnt want to because of peer pressure and his own fear of not fitting in #it is also implied steve has sex with people when he didnt really want to #steve harrington has bad parents #touch-starved steve #also if you know the song that last line is from i am smooching the top of your head softly

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