#M2D2 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mominousrex · 2 years

Text

The Jola Moon (A Rexsoka FanFic) - Ch. 4: Free & Clear

WARNING: 18+ ONLY - Mature content, graphic depiction of shrapnel removal from wounds, trauma & grief (post Order 66).

This chapter was written with a lot of love. There's a lot of emotions in this one. New to the story? Start from the Prologue on AO3

Music that helped me get through writing this: Funeral For A Friend - Elton John, Pride & Joy - Brandi Carlile, Freedom - Rage Against The Machine.

Thanks to @cuteshinymew @catsarefurrypeople for being awesome betas on this for me. Huge shoutout to @am-i-beast-or-beauty for your awesomeness and support! And @m2d2-mm8…you are the peas to my carrots! 💜💜💜

“You said the last one was the last one, Rex!”

Ahsoka was at the final threshold of pain. Rex was being as gentle as he could be with those damn tweezers, and that may have been the problem.

Ahsoka braced her hands on the counter. She was sitting on the small stool that was probably where Padme once did her hair and make-up, two things Ahsoka never needed to be bothered with. Instead, she used this stool to buckle down and let Rex do his best to get her wounds cleaned properly this time. On the outside of her right bicep, she had two decent-sized gashes, but on the inside of her bicep, some nasty bits of explosion debris had settled into a particularly painful spot.

She was pressing her forehead into the cold counter. Taking very measured breaths, she was trying to both recover and prepare for the last extraction of the metal shards that had lodged into her arm while escaping the Tribunal. She was able to leap, run, and soar her way through a crashing Star Destroyer, but it could be a finger-nail-sized piece of jagged metal getting infected that takes her down. It has to come out. They don’t have access to a proper medical bay, and probably won’t for a while. There was a time when every resource of the Republic was available to them. Now they would have to make do with what they could get and be glad for it. Maybe this is when all of the training that replaced their childhoods was going to prove worth anything at all.

“You want a minute?” Rex knew this last one was going to be the worst of all.

He could get it out in one go if she didn’t squirm or flinch. Though he had to admit he would have tapped out after the first two larger shards came out. Those were easier to grab but came out nasty for her. She was tough as nails. The current dilemma they were facing was the fourth shard snapped in half and they had to deal with the now tiny, final fifth shard. Rex had to carefully get an even smaller piece out and he was fully committed to getting this done.

She winced and fought back the tears that were anticipating the next screeching sting, stab of pain that he was about to inflict upon her.

“Hold— hold— hold on,” She looked at her wound with examining eyes. Then she looked down at the cloth that had the pulled debris shards laying in a neat row. Some no longer than her fingernail, another as long as Rex’s thumb, but this last one had been the thin and gnarled extension of the previous one’s odd shape. Try as he did with the med tweezers, Rex couldn’t keep the shard from snapping in two when this last bit just refused to budge out of her.

“I’ll be quick. You can bite down on the towel again,” he said as he disinfected the tweezers again.

“No, biting the towel didn’t help at all. Just…let me do it,” she said with a subtle authority.

Rex was confused, “You can’t pull this one out, I have the angle right here."

“I don’t need the angle, Rex.”

Rex now realized what she was going to attempt to do. How could this be less painful?!

“You don’t mean…,” once Ahsoka made her mind up she was rarely convinced otherwise.

“Will you please hold my shoulders down? Use everything you have if I start to move,” She looked at Rex with her wide, blue sapphire eyes that seemed to be begging for mercy, “I just want to do this myself.”

“Sure...uh, okay. I’m not sure how this is going to work. I don’t want you to hurt more though. Why don’t we just take a break, huh?” Rex was nervous they both could get hurt doing this.

Ahsoka was calm, as she was mentally preparing herself, “Rex, I need to focus.”

He knew that she wouldn’t hurt him on purpose, but he’d seen her pull some risky stunts with herself that would have been worthy of a decommissioning if any clone had tried it.

He reluctantly put down the tweezers and edged behind her, “Okay. Tell me when,” he said in a supportive tone that ignored his fear.

Ahsoka had her right arm braced on the counter. Her left arm was crossed in front of her chest with her left hand just a touch away from the nasty wound.

She took three big cleansing breaths and stretched out her left hand over her wound. Rex watched her face get scrunched up in Force concentration and then he quickly swooped his eyes to watch the wound.

Rex had seen plenty of Jedi tricks from both Skywalker and Ahsoka in his short clone life on the battlefield, but this? This he had never seen.

Ahsoka was grunting through her concentration. She made small, wincing whimpers that were followed by more determined endurance groans. These were not her usual whiny winces that Rex had heard before. By using the Force to physically remove the last jagged bit from her wound, she had to endure her own Force strength to pull only the tiny shard from her body. Each movement of the jagged metal piece was hitting incredibly sensitive nerves and tearing little by little at the flesh it had lodged itself into.

When she vocalized a whimpering sigh, Rex hadn’t realized that he was no longer looking at her wound but he was now watching her face in the mirror. Her eyes closed and brow twisted up, fighting back, her mouth was bellowing puffs of breath to combat any weakness.

He wasn’t trying to think this way, Rex had just never heard Ahsoka be this intensely vocal when dealing with pain. The whimpers and heavy breathing crescendoed into a long-drawn-out squeal that finished with a deep grunting moan.

His brain, or his body, in the tiniest moment, couldn’t help but associate the sounds and he thought to himself, “she sounds like she’s.. .” He shot his eyes back down to his own hands holding her shoulders down.

Standing behind her, the valley between her montrals was now hypnotizing him and he knew he needed to close his eyes and clean up his rarely dirty mind. Now with his eyes closed, he was hyper-focused on anything but the way she was lightly moaning and breathing. At this point, even Rex looked like he was trying to wield the Force. He needed whatever help he could get.

Internally scolding himself for being so insensitive at this moment, Rex then felt her lift a little bit from the stool. She grunted, “Ahh…ow, Rex! REX!” He felt her body trying to lift off the stool and he pushed down to hold her still. He was nervous her slim shoulders would snap from all this competing pressure, “Grrrrrrrr….I gotcha! We’re good.” Rex was now bracing his legs to anchor his weight down. He needed to get a stronger grip and shifted his left arm to cross in front of her collar bone. His left arm was now coupled with her arm across her chest.

“Hold me down! Almost….aggghhhhhhh!”

“You got it. I gotcha!” He was using all of his strength while grunting his encouragement to her. His eyes (and mind) were now focused on her wound again and making sure she was okay.

“Rrrrrrrrrex!!! Ow-ow-ow!” she then gave a long, deep hiss as the tiny piece of blood-soaked durasteel floated out of her and then plopped down on the floor.

Her eyes were filled with tears, as she groaned through her last wave of pain and slumped back down on the counter. Her right arm was hanging limp at her side. Her left hand flopped in her lap. Rex carefully removed his left arm from its bracing position across her front. He was standing there behind her, waiting to make sure she was okay.

Even Rex felt like something was removed from him. He was briefly exhausted but would recover soon enough so he could bandage up her wound. He reached over and picked up the tiny shard and put it with the rest.

He stood next to her now, still slumped over on the counter. His hand attempted again to comfort her and this time, thank the stars, he didn’t panic. There was nothing to be afraid or unsure of. He was so impressed by her strength and what she just pulled off, he simply placed his hand softly on her right shoulder blade to gently comfort her at this moment.

She reached her left hand across her chest and over her right shoulder to put her hand on his, “Ugh, thank you.”

Rex felt her hand squeeze his hand and wondered if the Force radiated after-shocks. The energy of her touching his hand somehow made him jumpy where all of the sudden he didn’t know how to speak or what to do with his body. Surely, at some point in the two-plus years of battles, missions, and flights his and Ahsoka’s hands had touched before? He’s carried her, she’s climbed over him, they’ve handed each other equipment, and have certainly been in crowded hideouts.

Maybe it was the quiet stillness of this clean bathroom? Maybe it was the absolute certainty that they were the only ones here on this moon? Whatever it was, Rex was very, very aware of every tiny touch and small interaction.

He knew he needed to get her patched up so he could take a shower and get some rest. His mind was mixed up and was a little less reliable at the moment. Neither of them needed that kind of nonsense today. He needed to break the silence, “You’re something else, Ahsoka. Come on, let me finish this up.”

Ahsoka stood up to stretch her legs, “I can’t shower right now, right? I’ll have to let the bacta heal it up first?”

“Yeah, you should wait. They’ll close up within the hour, I think,” Rex was once again back to his simple medical station preparing the bandages and small amounts of bacta.

Her eyes were glazed over from the full exhaustion of the day. She was tired but not broken as she sat and watched Rex get ready to finally bandage her up. Now leaning her left hip against the counter, she looked up at him, “Ok, you’ll shower first then?”

“Sounds good,” he knew now was not the time to pick on her by bringing up the bathtub again, “When I’m done, I probably will pass out in the bed and you can jump in the shower then. Just remember to be careful to not get them too wet,” he remarked assertively.

He hadn’t looked at her through that whole conversation. Ahsoka was now listening to her feelings, drained as they were, “Yup, I know...,” a moment hung there between them before she spoke again, “...Rex?”

He was cutting the long, neat, and even bandage cloth pieces with his utility knife, “What is it?”

Rex stopped what he was doing and looked up at the mirror to look at her reflection. For some reason, Rex felt like that was easier than looking directly at her right now. He saw her profile in the reflection as she was still looking directly at him.

“Rex, look at me,” she could also be assertive when it was needed.

Oh kriff. Did she sense what he was thinking before? He didn’t know how any of this worked. He was prepared to explain himself and apologize for being inappropriate. He looked away from the mirror to face her, “Yes?”

Rex was praying that he wasn’t red in the face.

With that same look she had given him on the Tribunal, Ahsoka was studying him, “Are you…alright? You seem disturbed somehow?”

“Dis-Disturbed? Wha—why?” Now he was confused.

“With everything that has happened…since the crash site, you…you haven’t cried since or anything?”

“I don’t really cry, Ahsoka. I know I…well…look, what happened up there…,” he was relieved it wasn’t what he thought she had sensed, but he wasn’t exactly in the headspace to have this conversation, “…I don’t know what to tell you. I guess...I can only deal with as much as I can handle if that makes any sense? There’s nothing really to talk about. That’s how I see it anyway.”

That mostly made sense to her. If something was wrong, she wished he knew that she would help him. Maybe he does. Something was unquestionably different about him. “I’m sorry if it seems like I’m being invasive, but I can’t help but notice...”

“Notice what?” He gestured for her to sit back down on the stool so he could start wrapping her up.

She chose to stay standing and simply side-stepped to be closer where he could finish. Still standing, her body was facing the mirror, but she kept her head turned to the right to look at his face, not his reflection. She lifted her right arm and Rex got to work.

“Nevermind, sorry. I ventured too far into your feelings.” She watched as his hands were careful and steady, cleaning the wounds, then applying the healing bacta salve.

Rex looked up at her and had a curious look on his face. His usually intense brows were soft and raised.

“No, it’s okay. I mean, you do have that ability,” he was now intrigued, “What…what do my feelings…uh, feel like? Is that the right way to say it?”

She allowed a soft smile, “Sure, that works,” she then softened her approach, “I thought I noticed it before when we were…on the Tribunal. When we were talking on the flight bridge…before...,” she took a deep breath, “...you know when.”

“Before I tried to kill you.”

This was the exact type of disturbance she had noticed in him. He consciously understood that devastating events were happening in his life, but it was as though his mental wall would not come down. She could feel what was behind the wall, but he could not or would not.

“Rex, please don’t say it like that. That’s not fair, to either of us.”

“It’s what happened.” he shrugged as he began the careful placement of the cloth bandage. “So, what did you notice before? I’m curious. I remember you saying the kindest thing to me before all that. I remember feeling, uh, appreciated. Is that what you noticed?”

Ahsoka considered where to go with this conversation. She knew something was very different with Rex before Order 66 happened. She sensed a void in him that was full of pain or maybe it was grief. It was confusing because she never had a sense of such severe despair in him before, even after Umbara. She figured Rex had a bog of confusion that even he could get stuck in.

“Appreciated? Um, well I did feel that from you then,” she smiled timidly.

He had finished securing the bandage. And she decided to table this discussion for another time, “I don’t know, Rex, I guess I got confused about what you were saying up there about ‘mixed-up’ feelings. Plus, we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. You just…seemed different somehow.”

Rex looked at her and smiled, “Well, so did you. I’m no Force wielder, but I can guess that your year away from the Order and the war...it affected you, right?”

“Yes. You’re right,” she could see that this conversation may lead down a dark place for both of them.

It occurred to her that she hadn’t sensed any more Jedi deaths or intense disturbances in the Force in the last few hours. The pall of darkness that had overtaken her sense of the Force had not let up once since Order 66 happened. But, the levity and comfort of being with Rex had been nice. It was comforting to know that their friendship could get them through this. Though they could bicker at each other endlessly, they also were naturally patient with each other when it was needed.

And right now, patience was very much needed.

She decided to smile at him as she examined the bandages, “Thank you, by the way. It feels better already.”

“You’re very welcome. But don’t scratch at them, you hear me?

“Yes, Captain” she happily rolled her eyes at him as she stood up straight from her leaning position.

“Alright!” he clapped his hands together, “Now get out,” he chuckled, “so I can take a shower already.”

She smiled, grateful that Rex knew how to snap out of a heavy moment, even if it was concerning how easily he could do that to avoid said heavy moments.

“I’m going, I’m going,” She grabbed the cloth with the shards, “I want to keep these.”

His eyes widened with concern, “Uh...that’s pretty gross,” Rex removed his belt and kama before getting started on his thigh and skid plates.

“You’re pretty gross. Take a shower already, Rex. You stink.” Ahsoka snickered as she grinned and pushed through the bathroom’s swing doors which swung back and forth reacting from her exit.

He guffawed back at her and threw the useless “biting towel'' at her exit. The towel got stuck in the space between the two doors swinging shut. From the bedroom, she yelled, “Don’t throw fancy towels at me, Rex!”

He went to grab the towel out of the doors, but she yanked it out first and tossed it on the bed. He heard her head down the hallway to the kitchen.

Rex was left at the bathroom sink counter shaking his head with a small smirk of laughter. It quickly died out when he looked in the mirror and noticed his scalp’s new scar. He stared at himself closer and traced the scar with his fingers. He looked at his face. His standard-issued face, weary clone eyes, and the old, reliable scar on his chin from his days as a recruit. He squinted his eyes and rubbed his jaw, his scruff will be coming in soon. Oh well. Can’t do anything about that. He was curious to see what a beard would look like. Behind him, he noticed the chair next to the bathtub where she had placed his upper body armor. His armor was all over the place now. His helmet and pistols were in the receiving room, the pieces here in the chair, his kama, skid and thigh plates on the floor, and his belt on the counter.

He was all over the place, and she could sense it.

Ahsoka walked down the hallway to the kitchen with her weird, morbid mementos and looked for something to put them in. On the counter next to the kitchen sink, she noticed the empty bottle of fizz water she had polished off earlier. That could work. She could fashion a cap for it with the tools in the hangar. It was a strange thing to do, but this was a strange time and she did not want to forget what survival felt like. She dropped the five shards into the bottle and left it there on the counter. Rex will hate it, but he’ll live. She put the bottle with the shards inside back on the counter by the sink. Proud of her strange, sentimental trophy, she headed back towards the bedroom.

Then she caught Rex’s DC-17’s and his helmet on the end table in her peripheral line of vision.

She stopped. She dared herself to stare. The tear that was running down his face, “I’ll do it.” His words rung in her head. She decided to face this fear and turned to stare at the pistols that were once pointed at her, “Find him! Fives!”

She reached out to touch his helmet. Her fingertips examined Rex’s signature markings of jaig eyes. She would not touch his pistols, but she kept looking at them. Part of her wanted to toss them into the lagoon or crush them with a boulder. Instead, she decided to keep walking quickly. She could handle stripping the bed and flipping the mattress to get back in a positive mood. At least she hoped so.

As she walked into the bedroom, she headed to the far side of the giant bed. When she looked up, she gasped…

OOPS.

A space between the two swinging doors was revealing the slimmest window into the bathroom where Rex’s backside, in all its muscular nakedness, was just standing there about to get in the shower. It was just there for her to take in. She was now both frozen and burning with shock.

The perpetual motion of her grabbing the towel earlier had shifted the doors to remain somewhat ajar, resulting in her now standing next to the bed transfixed. She had never seen a man’s naked body with her own eyes before, Rex’s body at that. Then when he stepped into the shower, the lighting accentuated the contours of his lean and cut back, shoulders... and the rest.

Oh no, he’s turning around!

She quickly rolled herself over to the other side of the bed to ensure he didn’t see her standing there. Did he?! She almost saw him completely naked!

Now sitting on the other side of the bed with her hands to her mouth, her eyes were darting back and forth. It’s not as if anyone else knew what just happened. She’s now positive that Rex didn’t see her because he would surely be yelling at her right now. Which made her giggle.

Why am I giggling? Why is this so funny?

Ahsoka had the image of his body in her head and was still holding her hands over her mouth giggling. She was flushed in the face and feeling a bit giddy thinking about the way his body impressed her.

Oh no. I can’t believe this. Rex would die. What is wrong with me?

She shook her head and stood up.

Just forget about what you saw...and definitely do not think about what you almost saw.

Wow, Rex. For a moment, she wondered if she could…No, don’t.

She coached herself out loud back to decency, “Ahsoka, focus.”

But she could not focus. This whole line of thinking was way over her head; regarding his body, almost seeing the rest of him naked, her bizarre response of feeling flushed. She needed to go outside and get some air. She needed to clear her mind. She grabbed the towel (that had caused all of this) off the bed and headed out the sliding glass door of the bedroom that led to the balcony.

Before she closed the glass door behind her, she looked back to the swinging doors and from this new angle, they looked closed. Knowing that they weren’t truly closed, she gave Rex the privacy he deserved and with the smallest flick of her hand, she used the Force to make sure to close the swing doors properly. Gone was that generous gap that had given her the unexpected view of him. The view that made her think and feel things she had no idea what to do with.

She finally closed the glass door behind her. Shaking her head to dismiss her ridiculousness for going there in her thoughts. She looked out at the lagoon. She felt like she needed to jump out of her skin but instead leaped upon the railing. Looking over at the clear blue-green water of the lagoon, she considered her next move. Rex was still in the shower, he couldn’t see anything. And so what if he did? Then they’d be even. He could deal with his own “oops“ moment. They were safely stuck here with each other. They were going to have to get used to being in close quarters.

Ahsoka breathed in the clean air and listened to the sound of the rushing waterfall. She felt a wave of warmth that made her consider her youth and how it was gone. After everything today, yesterday, and all the days past, she just wanted to strip off her armor, her tunic, her tights, and everything else and just be Ahsoka, whether anyone saw her or not.

She used the Force to leap high into the air from the balcony’s railing, landing at the edge of the lagoon where she proceeded to get undressed. Her feet were now deep in the soil of the strange place. Her Togrutan feet have an extrasensory system that can feel the energy of the land. Like her extrasensory echo-location in her montrals and her extended peripheral vision from her wide eyes, her feet allowed her to feel the power and energy of a place.

She undressed without a care in the galaxy.

This moon, Splendor, gave her an intense feeling that made her toes curl and a confidence that strengthened her shoulders. The moon somehow knew that right now she was hurting, exhausted, and confused. But it also let her know that it welcomed her energy, her sense of good, her compassion for others, and persistence to protect anyone and anything from harm that she could. She was here for a reason, but she was not ready to know yet what that reason was. She needed to wash away what had brought her here, all of it. She needed to let the lagoon’s waters purify her skin.

Now standing as naked as Rex was (and perhaps still is), she stepped into the lagoon. Its waters were cool, but not too cold. She felt her dark nipples perk up as the chill hit her, looking down at her breasts she almost wanted to hold herself. She felt a shiver rush through her body that made her lips quiver and teeth chatter. As she tried to submerge all of her body in the water, she had to leave her one arm out so the bandages would remain dry. Ahsoka had no idea where it was coming from, but she had the distinct desire to be completely soaking wet right now and just float in the water. Seeing Rex like that had made some strange imprint on her mind and she was doing her best to not sense him.

Neither she nor Rex needed this kind of nonsense now.

If there was one thing she knew how to do from her years of Jedi training, it was that she needed to detach from any feelings like this. But she had never had feelings like this before. The teachings of old Masters talking to a young girl about something she had no understanding of were all that she had to go on.

She turned to look at the lodge from the lagoon. What happens when you don’t listen to the old Masters?

The thought of Skywalker crept in and she felt the lagoon’s water shift to warm and then suddenly boiling hot. She quickly reacted and moved to rush out of the water. With the water up to her ankles, she curled her toes. She stood her ground and stared back at the house. The steam from the water’s heat was burning into her feet, but it was bearable. She faced the gorgeous lodge that had been her Master’s secret hideaway. The secret of love, marriage, and deception. She was dripping wet and naked as the day she was born. She was born to a Togrutan huntress mother who carried her in her sacred womb. Then all but rejected her for her ability to wield the Force. Her ability allowed her to protect and defend, but her people considered this uniqueness unacceptable.

Master Plo’s first words to her have always helped Ahsoka center herself, “Hello good child. You are very special indeed. You will come with me and we will help all who need us.”

The lagoon was reacting to her thoughts of her former Master. She would defend the lagoon from whatever disturbance was invading its peaceful and serene waters. She concentrated her mind to focus instead on the kind words of Master Plo. She was not afraid of the agony that was surrounding the mystery of Anakin or why she was sensing Padme. She and Rex were surrounded by memories of them, but they were not here. Ahsoka and Rex were here and would have to find a way to get through these next few days. The lagoon’s water began to cool down. She slowly eased her body into the calming water again.

She allowed it to wash away everything.

Rex rinsed the last of the soap out of his buzzed hair. He eventually opened his eyes to watch it trail down his legs and crawl to the drain in the floor. He had never experienced a shower with this much water pressure. The water was also at a perfect temperature. This was the cleanest he’d felt in a long time. He sat down on the shower bench and let the water run over him some more. That felt nice. To sit, just to sit and let the water run everywhere. He looked up and in his line of vision there it was: the bathtub.

He shouldn’t be smiling. He should be thinking about his general, his lost brothers, and everything else. He faced the fact that Skywalker would probably kill him if he found out that he had brought Ahsoka here. One thing the general could never handle was a taste of his own deviant medicine. Ahsoka was the embodiment of that fact. Rex’s smile was now long gone when he thought about how much he wanted to hear Anakin yelling at him for bringing Ahsoka here. At least then Rex would know what to do.

Maybe this was a terrible idea. I thought we’d be safest here. Where else could we have gone that would be safer than here?

It didn’t feel right to think about Anakin and Padme in that tub, the bedroom, or anywhere in the lodge.

Rex recalled the energy on the shuttle when he rode out here, all three of them. He had never seen Senator Amidala act like that and Skywalker? He was a completely different person around her when they came out here.

Rex could feel the infectious energy between them anticipating their escapade and the love they would be making. He remembered feeling like the third wheel and made sure to just keep cleaning his pistols and reading his datapad. At one point he just stared at powered down R2 for what seemed like hours.

Rex was not a droid though. He had thoughts. He had a body like any other man. He just dealt with that stuff in different ways. Skywalker was young, powerful, good looking. Padme was kind, gorgeous, and brave. They were the type of couple that if they weren’t together you just die wanting them to be. Rex had decided that he was more like Obi-Wan; he was stronger for being able to dismiss the notions of ever being in love. His brothers toyed with the notion of love, but mostly they just acted like brutish animals when it came to women.

What he had learned in his youth on Kamino was how to deal with his sexual impulses. They didn’t learn anything about romance or love. They only needed him to learn how to handle his body. His body wasn’t his to be reckless with or indulge in random pleasures. It was meant for something greater ...the Republic.

What a bunch of banthashit that was now.

Neither he nor the bathtub had moved, and it almost felt like it was now taunting him. The hot water dripped down his face, into his mouth and he’d spit it out.

Rex shook his head. He was still so shocked. What was Ahsoka thinking? I hope she wouldn't say yes to just anyone like that? Something in his chest burst wonderfully when realized: No. She wouldn’t say yes to just anybody, but she did say to him (multiple times) that she would...with him.

Fuck, fuck! He can’t be thinking like this. He started getting turned on and the blood was rushing down below.

If he’s in the shower, he needs to take care of this now. No way he’s sleeping in that bed, that’s for sure. But just being around her now. He closed his eyes tight thinking about the view of her now longer, taller montrals. She’s so grown up now. Now he felt the contradiction that was his youth and his accelerated age. He felt the insecurity that fixated on what she was thinking when she saw him after so long.

Was she happy to see me? Did I look as different as she did?

She said yes. She was willing to be naked and wet in a hot, soaking tub with me? He hissed as he inhaled his breath, rubbing his right hand over his blonde head. If he touched any part of his own skin right now he was going to go there in his mind. He didn’t need this right now. But he needed something…

Stop thinking about that.

Rex’s regimen of getting off was just to “clean the pipes” to make sure he didn’t “let things get backed up.” This is the advice he would give to his men, the ones who would listen anyway.

Two showers a day if possible, but when in battle, wait until the mission is complete and take a good and long, earned shower alone where you can take your time and relax. Getting a shower alone was harder for his men, and they never failed to remind him of that. He had the rare privilege of a captain’s quarters and his shower. Which was where the majority of Rex’s solitary sex life took place, by choice.

He had a couple of go-to holovid images and fantasies that got him to finish every time. The most effective fantasy of late was a real event, but he only watched. One of torrent squad’s infamous nights out with the “shebbies”, the always willing clone groupies that always kept themselves and all the boys happy and satisfied.

Rex was too drunk to participate but he sat and watched like some sort of bizarre chaperone. He couldn’t handle touching himself in front of anyone else. He still isn’t even sure if that one shebby finished him off at his lap at night's end or if made that part up from fantasizing about it so many times. Just thinking about that night always turned him on intensely. He had watched how his brothers, his men, did all the things he never tried. The sounds the girls would make...

Ah, like the sounds Ahsoka was just making earlier. Ugh, this is so confusing.

Now he’s hearing Ahsoka’s whimper and moans while he’s trying to get off and it’s working. Really working. He was working himself into the twisted up and burning ecstasy of self-gratification. His mind was starting to surrender.

She probably sounds just like that… Oh, man...shit, yes.

The sound of her hissing and breathy moans mixed with those images of wild shebby girls with their legs everywhere and their breasts all wet with sweat.

Think of that wild night, Rex. You can do this. Focus and get her out of your head.

Finally, he got the image back of the darkly lit and musky but freezing, backroom of 79’s. The way Hardcase’s sweaty and flexed arm stretched out holding that one girl’s pair of legs down to the side and her begging screams for more in that sideways position. That same girl looked right at Rex, sitting by himself not too far away, still drinking his now glass of ice. Moaning with lidded eyes, she was barely hanging on as she reached out for Rex to let her pleasure him too. Her eyes were big and blue, too. Fuck. Now he was seeing Ahsoka there instead of that girl and himself where Hardcase was in his memory. The newly updated fantasy was now a full feeling of enticing excitement that started to take over him. Now standing, his left arm pressed into the tile, his right working vigorously on its assigned mission below.

“Ah fuck,” he hissed his tongue to his teeth, in and out with a breath at this rush of possible pleasure that went all the way to the farthest reaches of his mind and the length of his manhood.

C’mon, that girl was human, remember? Remember that girl. Her face was indistinct now, but he remembered how she was sucking her own fingers. Then she was wiping away her sweaty hair desperately, her sweaty blonde hair. She started playing with herself until Hardcase noticed and took over playing with her while pounding into her. With that, she forgot all about Rex. She started grabbing at her own bouncing breasts and was now looking up at his brother, who was pleasing her so perfectly. She wonderfully started moaning to her finish as she scratched at his abs.

Okay, now he’s got it, “Oh that feels good .” Getting the rhythm, there, ah yeah, that’s it…

He now had a tighter grip with his thumb pressing the spot, “Oh, there…krrriff!”

That night the boys had insisted Rex get debauched and laid or there would be a mutiny led by Fives and Hardcase. It was that week. That week they all were miserable. Was that a year ago when she left?

Ahsoka.

Don’t think about her anymore. You can’t think …her longing eyes looking at him, so many memories of her looking to him for…anything. He would always give her anything she needed or asked for. He always obeyed her like he was supposed to and she just left them.

“Don’t think about her anymore, Rex .”

“Damn!” he’s losing his excitement. Now he wasn’t thinking about Ahsoka, he was thinking about his brothers.

That night. Remember that night...

“C’mon! Let’s get some real women for the Captain and for all of us tonight!”

Those shebby girls at 79’s were wild. Thinking about the way the girls adored the boys and let them do anything. Anything.

He was getting turned on again. He can do this.

Seeing Tup with his hair down while that cute and completely naked girl mounted him, him all over her breasts, her working her hips and running her fingers through his mess of long hair. Jesse had two girls all over his lap going to town on him and each other. Rex had never seen that before. That was pretty incredible. He just couldn’t move from his drunken stupor in his seat.

And Fives? Maker. Fives had his face buried in that Twi’lek’s lap with her legs draped over his shoulders as she wailed with her sultry accent and hisses. Rex wanted to study whatever Fives was doing because she sounded like a tooka in heat crying for him to take her already before she finished again.

He tried to be a good sport that night, but it just really wasn’t his scene to do any of that, let alone in front of others. Rex simply got too drunk at the bar earlier in the night anticipating the impending scenario of a room with him and his brothers all getting laid, which is how Jesse ended up with those two girls at his lap instead of just one. And Rex watched as Jesse expertly got both of them off, as only an ARC trooper could.

Jesse. Shit. no.

Whatever erection Rex had started to get was now quickly gone. Now he’s backed up even worse, distraught with grief and pissed.

The thought of Jesse hit him like a blaster. Suddenly tears were in his eyes and he was filled with anguish for his whole squad. His family. Hell, all of his men.

That night before heading out to Mandalore, he had cut the stencil with his utility knife. Jesse had drawn it exactly the way Rex told him to. We were all so pumped and excited for this mission. For Mandalorians to be asking clone soldiers to help them? And Commander Tano was back? ! Rex had kept his helmet on all day to hide the beaming smile on his face so the men wouldn’t see how emotional he was.

I was so stupid to be happy. What in this life was ever supposed to be for him? Nothing.

A fury of frustration and grief was mucking up any peace he could have alone. Now he was furious…because he can’t stop crying. He can’t even get off by himself now.

Jesse. I’m so sorry, brother.

Now Rex was angry, he can’t even have the few things that made him feel good. Just some peace? Anything! He had always wanted that for himself and for all of his brothers to get through this damned war and not have to have them all die.

Rex was no longer fighting the tears, he felt as torn as he did when Order 66 came in, and what it felt like to have no control over his mind and body, his hands going for his blasters knowing what they were going to do.

NO! STOP!

The agony of that moment.

Her face, Ahsoka’s fearless face at that moment was framed on the sides by his pistols.

I can’t…

PLEASE, NO! SOMEONE STOP ME!

FIVES TRIED TO WARN US! FIVES WAS RIGHT!

…The chip. The mission. We were made to kill them.

But Rex also remembered that Fives was right about her. She was the only female in the galaxy Rex would ever care about.

He had said that to Rex as they left the barracks and went out for that wild night at 79’s. After she had left for good.

"Brother, I miss you."

“It’s over,” were the last words Fives ever said to him. It wasn’t over for Rex. He had to go on living and had no idea how at this moment.

Seated on the bench again, sobbing like a child, he was gripping the bench with white knuckles. His tears flowed with the once pleasant water from the powerful shower head.

Rex didn’t want death to be his only freedom from this nightmare. He stood up to stop crying and tried to let the water drown out his tears. He was banging on the shower’s nice white wall, not caring, almost daring Ahsoka to come in and rush to stop him from feeling like this. He couldn’t ask that of her. He was disturbed. He was hopeless really.

This didn’t feel like freedom.

Being around Ahsoka felt like some version of freedom. She had saved him when nothing required her to, “I’m right here. Rex, I can help you.”

His forehead pressed against the tile, while his hands tried their best to not touch his body.

She might need to help him again right now. She would never actually know and he certainly wasn’t going to tell her. Just to get through today and get it out of his head. He knew they were just friends and nothing more. But right now, he wanted to imagine what could have been more.

He opened his eyes and tilted his head to look at the bathtub. The thought of the two of them sitting there warm, calm, safe, maybe even laughing at each other again. He could make sure her wounds didn’t get wet, she could make sure he didn’t lose his mind and cry like a child again. Maybe they could have just held each other for a little bit. She would have with him.

“Why not?” she said.

It’s over, and they are safe.

It’s over, and they could be free with each other in his mind.

Rex let himself go there to feel the freedom of this fantasy.

It was his and his alone to have.

The relief that finally came was intense and wonderful. Rex could breathe again. His chest was full of life again. His heart was racing to keep up with the rush that ran through his body.

Then he let it all wash away, never to be felt again. Rex promised himself, “Never again.”

He grabbed the soap, washed himself up a second time, and turned off the shower. As he stepped out of the shower to dry himself off he noticed in the mirror a natural beaming grin that couldn’t be removed from his face, but whatever. He felt alive and okay again...

...until he realized that he had absolutely no clean clothes to wear.

“Karking kriff shits.”

Next Chapter...

CHAPTER 5: WING IT

btw…ALL UPDATED chapters are pinned to my tumblr

or click here to read on AO3

#rexsoka #tcw rexsoka4ever #thejolamoon #the jola moon #long reads #really long post #rex needs a hug #ahsoka needs a hug #rexsokaontherun #rex and ahsoka #captain rex in the shower #clone wars trauma #Rexsoka Shipping Company #captain rex #ahsoka tano #order 66 #order66 #the clone wars #tcw fanfic

48 notes · View notes