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#Luca is the most adorable thing I've seen in a long time
tarisilmarwen · 1 year
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Why is Luke's characterization in TBOBF Chapter 6 considered OOC and character assassination when it is fully in-line with Jedi teachings? (Even if it was written by Lord Darth Dave Felonious and was clearly framed in a bad light because of that)
That... is a complicated story that basically boils down to two things:
1. A long-standing fandom-wide misinterpretation of Jedi philosophy and teachings.
2. Fandom nostalgia and attachment to Legends EU material. (That's pre-Disney-buyout Expanded Universe books/comics/games/whatever wasn't the six OG films. Note that EU material operated on a nebulous and often contradictory tier system of canon and could be overwritten at any time by Lucas himself on the "G tier".)
See, fandom conflates "attachment" with "any close or intimate interpersonal relationship whatsoever" and think the Prequel Order's prohibition on marriage is stupid so they basically have this whole insidious pervasive fanon where Jedi aren't allowed to love or have friends or express feelings/emotions and therefore they adore and One True Jedi Luke for "bucking" all of that and having compassion and saving his father and his friends with The Power Of Love or some shit and for allowing the members of his new Jedi Order to marry and have families.
A good chunk of the material about Luke's New Jedi Order, it should be noted, was written before the Prequel Trilogy came around and clarified how the Jedi Order of old actually operated (more monastic and structured, under the Senate's authority). And people... did not like that the portrayal of the Jedi in PT contrasted with the EU material they were reading and preferred Luke's Order to the seemingly more sterile and esoteric Prequel Order.
And thus emerged the first roots of the fanon idea that the Prequel Jedi were supposed to be portrayed as Having Things Wrong and that Luke, being of course the One True Jedi, came along and "fixed" things with his new order.
You can see now how people who were operating under this fanon framework came to decry Luke's The Last Jedi portrayal as him having "repeated the mistakes" of the old Order. (That's not why TLJ Luke was OOC but that is a rant for another day my friend.)
TBOBF Luke, being in line with the Prequel Jedi philosophy of "attachment bad, this is a serious commitment and you can't half-ass it, you gotta be 100% in on this" is seen as a continuation of the "bad characterization" established for him in The Last Jedi, because again, Luke is supposed to be the One True Good Jedi Who Fixed Everything Wrong About The Old Order.
Even though the things that fandom thinks were wrong about the old Order weren't actually problems, for the most part, because "attachment" =/= "love" and Lucas has been clear and explicit about this from the beginning, attachment is the fear of loss and the inability to let go. Not "romantic relationships", not "family and friends", it has a very specific connotation in the Star Wars universe and people are very stubborn about ignoring that fact in favor of their preferred fanon interpretation.
Full disclosure I haven't actually seen TBOBF so I'm unclear about the tone of Luke's portrayal but just from what I've seen in gifs it seemed honestly more neutrally portrayed than negative. (Though given Filoni's track record of being mostly in-line with Lucas aside from annoying moments of, "Well but weren't the Prequel Jedi just a little bit in the wrong?"/"Isn't attachment just a little bit good sometimes?" I wouldn't put it past him to lean that way.) And you're right, nothing Luke said or did is out of step with Jedi teachings.
It's just that fandom doesn't like/doesn't understand Jedi teachings so they don't like Luke adhering to them.
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knackfandomarchive · 9 months
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Artists, writers, and assorted friends (alphabetical, not exhaustive alas):
Any link will just take you to my blog with the tag searched.
an0n-1o1 - One joke post about how Knack interacts with a goblin in the second game.
ari-draws-things - Several art pieces. Ohh I can't pinpoint my favorite thing, but if I look at them too long, I fear I will die. The shapes? and the style is so cute? I see lots of drawings of Gundahar, Rothari, Knack and Lucas being adorable.
at7outof10 - One post of digital art of Little Knack, along with some non-KNACK characters. And apparently, one post where they made a Knack Mii, like from the Wii?
bestbuybathroom - Shared a one-shot fic I really like, and made some image macros, jokes, and opinion posts. I like their sense of humor, but it is perhaps not for kids heheh.
bm13 - so far, a page of Little Knacks. So cute!
celiasvalley - I see an opinion post and possibly a joke.
chibifox2002 - Adorable digital art! This person has an AU and sometimes posts sibling shenanigans involving Knack, Lucas, and an OC named Penny.
chrisophur - Some screenshots of the ps4 game and I think of the sadly-discontinued Knack's Quest.
creamsodathe1st - So far, a cute digital piece of Robo Knack, aka Player 2 of KNACK 1, petting a beetle. Also some of their OCs.
crimmy10 - Super cute sketches and colored pieces! I'm noticing lots of art of Knack romantically paired with an OC.
dbnogaming-blog - One screenshot of Abominable Knack, aka Ice Knack.
deequeen1512 - No posts of her own yet, but prompts chibifox2002 about their AU or asks questions through the ask box.
discoknack - it me! I'm a chatterbox who rambles and complains a lot. Sometimes art.
doubleleaf - One drawing of Viktor propped up by one of his robots. Very technique; me gusta. Seems to be an art blog.
emmatheward - Probably one of the most ambitious pieces I've seen so far of Giant Knack's upper torso and right shoulder in meticulous detail.
frenchie-sottises - So far I've shared a post of theirs where Knack has a dinosaur tail, scales and also a bellybutton. So cool! And in full color, too.
gummiscr1bblez - Two art posts about their escapades playing the games.
hervygervy - looks like discord screenshots and memes mainly.
indoobs - One photo of a little crochet plush of Knack made as a present.
kyledahl - An animation cycle of Lucas skipping. This seems to be one of the creators, but I reblogged it on purpose because they deleted the original post and I'm under the impression they won't get notifications.
littlebomba - Uh oops, this person mentioned working at PlayStation,, Plus they shared what looks like a promotional image or poster or wallpaper of some kind, which I have reblogged. Also several more adverts which I have not. I hope they don't look in this direction O_o
thelivingrelic - I have in the queue what looks like a very old roleplay invitation that was never responded to? And the blog itself used to be an RP blog. Sadly this person seems to have deactivated, but I can occasionally find posts from deactivated users if someone still around had reblogged it.
majorpepperidge - some screenshots and cute sketches!
munchiemooz - one GIF of Knack in the trailer for KNACK 1 assembling for the first time.
mypunkpansexualtwin - shared some screenshots of Knack in a character appreciation post.
n-jay79 - Drew one very nice colorful sketchy Doctor Vargas and shared some in-game screenshots. Haven't seen any more KNACK stuff, but this person does draw other middle-aged men on the reg if that's your thing.
pepperishstudio-blog - One "warmup doodle" of Little Knack.
pit--rat - One short text post. If I say more about it I'll spoil it.
playstation - oh shit, the actual PlayStation? and not a fanblog pretending to be playstation? I may be stupid.
robertamew - Several posts of screenshots of Iron Knack, Metal Knack, however you'd like to call him. Also an art piece of Knack, and another of an OC.
sbb-thumbnails - SuperBeardBros apparently did a playthrough series and this person makes the channel's thumbnails.
sonicasura - Crossovers! Some art, mainly talk? I think they're neat, but I am not familiar with the other works being crossed with. A lot of idea stuff.
speedartist-skyliner - Drew two pieces of their version of Knack; one of him small and one of him around six-and-a-half feet tall.
stealthknack - Ugh such a cute but short-lived blog! Shared edited screenshots of the game.
totally-jammin-bridget - Shared some things on a post about how they liked Knack 2. They go by a different name now, so I'll update it soon.
thewizardlywyrm - Two (I think?) super cute digital pieces and one celebratory post about Knack 2.
woodenplankstudios - one comic about Knack, about 7 feet tall or so, breaking into the "mascot lounge" and being obnoxious for four panels. I have to admit, the art is well done.
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abybweisse · 1 year
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Hello Abby,
How are you?
I read that the planning for the former Queen Elizabeth's funeral (in real life) was codenamed "London Bridge" and was planned 30 years ago/since 30 years. Can you imagine that this also plays a role in BB, since the focus was/is on the construction of the bridge and it's actually also about the Queen's funeral and is supposed to be a hint as to when the Queen will die? so when the bridge is finished, the queen dies? Or something similar?
it's probably just a coincidence. I find the fact interesting nonetheless. Maybe yana came across it during her research and included it.
Btw iam glad that i found your blog🙏. Please keep writing your blog.🤗😉
London Bridge falling down
I've never heard the idea that Tower Bridge (or even the name of it) was ever associated with the death of Queen Victoria or planning for it. I've never come across that in my research about Tower Bridge, but that's interesting about "London Bridge" being the code name for planning QE2's funeral.
What I have learned about Tower Bridge is that:
It was built to make a more direct connection to east end London, because industries had expanded there.
It's the only bridge going across the Thames that raises up to let taller ships go through.
It's got an upper level for foot traffic, so people can cross even if the lower section is raised. But that path wasn't very popular for a while and was temporarily closed off because of that.
I'd read on the Wikipedia page that it was dedicated to Prince Albert, the queen's dead husband.
And that last one -- the dedication -- might be the most important aspect in Black Butler. That and how it would have been a symbol back then for England (and all of Great Britain) of the industrial revolution taking place. A symbol of the nation's strength and technological advancements.
I'm not entirely sure, from how your ask is worded, but perhaps you are not saying Tower Bridge is the code word... but how cool it would be if Yana-san decided to make that true in the Kuroverse. I just think that if that were the case, the queen (with a premonition or something from John Brown) would know, and she would try to postpone its construction to extend her own life. She seems like the sort who would delay something to keep herself alive a while longer... as long as the public didn't know that's what she was doing! 😆
Truthfully, I think it's quite the opposite here; I think she wants to finish this project, dedicated to her dead husband, and others have been delaying its construction. If you look up "tower bridge" in my blog, you will find a bunch of posts about my theory that Vincent wasn't cooperating with the queen (as much as demanded) regarding money and manpower for the project. It might be on purpose to slow it down, or it might be he simply had other priorities (which is what our earl tells Sebastian about why humans take so long to build things like that). Our earl says maybe the construction was delayed because people had other priorities. He wouldn't know he was talking about his own father here; it's a general statement, but he might have hit the nail on the head with that observation.
My observations about Tower Bridge are deeply rooted in my Mother3 theory, since King Porky is obsessed with technological advancements and maintaining popularity among his subjects (even if it means forcing or brainwashing them to adore him). The king has your house burned down, if you don't pledge allegiance to him... or if you do anything that shows a lack of loyalty to him. Lucas and Claus' house gets burned down at least twice. Nippolyte, the local and very eccentric gravedigger, has seen his home burned down something like 14 times. Eventually, he boards up what's left of it with a sign telling people to go away (or something like that).
So, I believe the Tower Bridge project might have something to do with why the Phantomhives were targeted on December 14, 1885. Not the only reason, but a big one. The project's timeline in real life is a bit different than in the manga. Notice that the plan was approved in 1875, around the time the twins were born. Then basically nothing for ten years. As soon as the Phantomhives were attacked and their estate was relinquished to the crown, the Tower Bridge project finally got into gear. The estate was back under Phantomhive ownership on March 15, 1886. But it was in the queen's hands long enough for her to take whatever funds she wanted for the project... as well as move people off the estate/out of the village and into London to help. Ch132 is extremely important for my theory on this, because Vincent specifically talks about the money and help needed to construct/repair bridges and dig ditches. He also explains that the estate and earldom do so well because of the people who live and work there. It's also around that time that Vincent and his sister argue about preparing his heir, and he half-jokes he might have to relinquish the earldom to the crown if he doesn't have an heir ready to take over. When our earl returns to the estate, he finds it's not just about a burned down manor. The estate and the village are run-down and slipping into further debt.
I know that ch151 has real Ciel learning about competition from the US due to cheaper imports, etc., but I don't think that's all of it. There was no indication, from Vincent or anyone else, about the estate or earldom suffering from financial or infrastructural decline as the twins' 10th birthday approached. Our earl might not have even known the entire truth about what the queen did with the Phantomhive coffers and workers while she had full access to them.
Now... if the bridge is finally finished and she dies? That would be an interesting touch. But I don't think it's particularly significant.
ETA: In Mother3, there's Lightning Tower, with some floors still under construction, but it's this structure that's used to strike down houses and other buildings, whenever King Porky is upset by disloyal subjects. There's also Empire Porky Building, which has 100 floors (so also a tall tower), and many parts of it are also still under construction.
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formulatrash · 2 years
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Hi Hazel! Same question as previous but with FE drivers if that’s ok?
oh sure. this one is easier because I speak to them all the frickin time. or, I guess. I used to. ow.
so basically all the FE drivers are really nice. I can't really think of any of them that have been anything but nice to me apart from Sam Bird has a slightly aggro tendency that you can't read anything into. (he gets super stressed sometimes and will be snappy but there's nothing like, personal or bad about it. it's just like if a cat gets stressed and has a screechy moment. (he also for whatever reason just does not like being interviewed by me so I try to avoid it unless absolutely necessary)
JEV can be a pain in the arse to journalists (apparently) but he is absolutely an adorable kitten with me and has never been anything but extremely sincere and willing to discuss anything. he made me cry on the Saturday in Berlin because as we were leaving the media centre to go to media pen he hugged me and said he had to win the race for me tomorrow, if it was my last - he didn't but that's irrelevant. idk if drivers are attached to journalists like that in other series. tbf idk if they are attached to other FE journalists like that. oh no now I've upset myself, my stupid blorbos I miss them.
if you get Sam in a non-aggro mood he's also very sweet and patient (I totally understand the aggro-ness, definitely don't want to make him sound unpleasant because Sam Bird is A Genuinely Very Good Man) and has given me some really heartfelt answers over the years.
Lucas has never been anything other than hilarious and friendly and very kind to me. he's awesome to talk to and contrary to what his internet persona might project, really good at listening and understanding things that are new to him. asks a lot of questions.
Pascal once gave me a tour of his house on Zoom because he was, idk, just a bit bored in lockdown. Mitch is just an endless joy to interview because he gives incredibly long answers and is like, fervently sincere about them. Nick Cassidy gets super anxious about giving good enough answers - I did a podcast with him that I need to edit and put up and he was so nervous he wasn't doing well enough but so friendly and sweet, he's really lovely.
Edo is the genuinely most sincere man alive. Alex Sims is so nice, the absolute nicest man. all men should either be Alex Sims or Jake Dennis, ideally, who is also incredibly lovely.
idk, I could list all of them really? Seb Buemi is genuinely lovely, not at all the image you'd get from the infamous clip. the Olivers (collective) are all very down to earth, generous people. Antonio Giovinazzi gets in that goddamn travesty of a car every weekend and does it with a smile and with nothing but generosity towards his team and the fans. I mean, I literally could pretty much list all of them tbh. even Lotterer, who I had a bit of a conflagration with in season 4 and took quite a dislike to, has mellowed and is honestly lovely.
there is one of the drivers I have never seen anything but total mardiness from even when I told him he'd scored a point but I don't see any point in calling him out for it as he clearly has either no intention of or no ability to change and already has a reputation for it.
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Stranger Things 4 thoughts (SPOILERS)
ALRIGHT! Now that I've finally finished the new season of Stranger Things (my family didn't want to cooperate at all) and I've had some time to process everything, I want to share my thoughts.
I have to be honest, I didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped. Sure there were a lot of exciting moments (like seeing papa alive), but some things felt.. forced? Or they didn't give much attention to them.
What I loved about season 3 was how great the Duffer Brothers were to have four-three different storylines AND making it work perfectly. None of the groups felt overlooked or overdone, it was the perfect balance between the characters, their emotions and their goasl and it was awesome to see how everything connects and how all the groups together can work with one another at the end. I haven't felt that with this season yet.
I guess that the groups maybe will meet up in the upside down, at least that's what I hope for tbh, but I haven't seen some build up for anything. Maybe they're saving the most important things for the last two episodes, idk.
Now let's talk about the groups. Imma start with everyone's favourite couple, Hopper and Joyce and of course our karate kid, Murray. Their plot was by far my favourite. It was so interesting to see Hopper in Russia, his hope slowly fading away, but then gaining it immediately back the moment his eyes landed on Joyce. Plus, her and Murray were so funny and so chaotic, I love them.
Now for Jonathan, Will, Mike and Argyle. I wanted to see more. It didn't feel like much, but I did enjoy their moments together. Argyle is super funny and Jonathan is adorable when he is high. Mike is well Mike and Will needs to accept himself and talk to Mike about his crush on him (also about them forgetting his birthday, yikes). I like how they kind of point out Mike's lost feelings for Eleven, idk if we will have an actual chance with Mike and Will, but I don't believe that mileven is going to last much longer. That or Mike has commitment issues, since he can't write I love you, because he did say it in season 3.
(Also, Suzie's house is a nuthouse.)
I guess it rans in the Wheeler family, because the Wheeler's this season have been confusing af. Nancy what is happening? Why is there unwanted tension between you and Steve. Why is everyone around them pushing the two together? We had a whole plot point about how Nancy and Jonathan are best for eachother and how much they cared for one another in season 3 despite their arguement and now what? We just going to throw all that away? I cannot tell you how excited I was to see those two combine forces together as friends, but they had to ruin that for us with shit that doesn't even make sense. Nancy deserves so much more than making her character fight between two boys.
What I got from this whole plot was that Nancy started seeing Steve in another light, because she's scared that Jonathan might be pulling away from her. Sure, writers have her be worried about that, but the answer here is communication, not cheating. Steve better make her remember the reason why they broke up, if they don't I'll hate everyone.
Moving on. Dustin is awesome as always. I love Lucas. We need more of Erica. Max has SERVED this season. Eddie is hilarious. Robin was nice (in some points a little annoying but I still love her). Steve is the love of my life (that scene with the bats had me on the floor). These new bullies annoy the living crap out of me. Plus, Eleven needs to have some peace for longer than a year for the love of god!
I'm not really sure how I feel about vecna.. yeah he's terrifying, but this humane approach to the upside down makes me fear that they will pull a riverdale and I'd hate to see that happening with one of my favourite series.
Overall I both liked and disliked this season for many and different reason, but I still have hope for the last two episodes. Sorry if this is too long, but thank you if you beared with my thoughts till the end!
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myspacerebels · 3 years
Conversation
The chip: Good soldiers follow orders.
Wrecker: Silenzio, Bruno !
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johnsamericano · 3 years
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𝓓𝓪𝔂 11:
ωσиg уυкнєι
23 days of NCT masterlist.
taglist: @notbeforelong @whathamelon @mrcarbonatedmilk @silent-potato @unknown5tar @ajhdr @curieouscapt
warnings: drunk y/n, this isn’t my best work so bear with me.
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“Would it be too hard to focus on your work for once?” You huffed in annoyance, tapping his notebook with your pen.
“Yeah.” His hand rested on top of his palm, attentively looking at you with a child-like smile. “When will you agree to go out with me?”
“I've already told you a million times I'm not interested.” Your fingers angrily moved over your laptop’s keyboard.
“Give me a good reason.”
“You’re a player.”
“I don't do that anymore!” You hummed, eyes scanning the screen of your computer. “Let me take you out once, if you still don't like me afterward I'll stop insisting.” It sounded tempting, but he’d probably use some kind of trick to get you in bed.
“I'll pass.”
After picking up your things, you exited the library with him following closely behind. A high pitched voice stopped your walk, a girl approaching your project partner with a wide smile.
“I haven't seen you in ages!” She clung to his neck, the simple action setting off a small fire inside you. “You should come by my house someday.”
“I-I...” Lucas stuttered, looking in your direction only to see your back as you walked away from them. “I’m sorry, I need to go.”
It wasn't long until he was walking beside you once again. You rolled your eyes.
“Don’t you have anything better to do than following me around?”
“Not really. And who knows, maybe if we spend enough time together you'll end up liking me.” He laced your arms, not allowing get rid of his hold.
“As if.”
A few days later, Lucas showed up in front of your class with a colorful bouquet of your favorite flowers. ‘How did he even know?’ You looked at him with horror as your classmates started gathering around you, collectively gasping at his antics.
“Wait, don't run!” He chased after you while you tried to escape the expectant gaze of everyone. “Y/n!”
“Why don't you just give up?” He grabbed your open hand, closing it around the bouquet.
“Here, I thought about you when I saw them. They seemed like your style.” You looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer to your previous question. “I simply like you, y/n. I don’t have another explanation to it.”
“Why me?”
“Why not you?” You clenched your fist around the bouquet, your other hand flying to grip his wrist harshly. “Huh?”
“You’re taking me out for dinner.” You said, hoping a date would finally put an end to his advances.
Four hours and three vodkas later, you found yourself sitting on Lucas’ lap, who had an amused, yet worried look on his face as you repeatedly tried to kiss him.
“Stop” hiccup. “Avoiding me.”
The pout on your lips was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen, which made him even more protective over your drunken self.
“I’m taking you home, give me your address.” He whispered softly, hand rubbing your back.
“I want to spend more time with you.”
He gave up after a few minutes of insisting, deciding it was better to take you to a hotel so you could rest. But how wrong was he. As soon as you entered the room, you started stripping off your clothes, Lucas having to forcefully put you to bed before you ended up completely naked. He picked up the clothes you left behind, neatly folding them and placing them on top of a chair.
“Lucas.” You whine for what seemed like the hundredth time in the night, struggling under the beddings that he’d tightly wrapped around you. “Please.”
“Go to sleep, y/n.” He murmured, tiredly rubbing his eyes. “I’ll take the floor, so please, close your eyes.”
“I will if you give me a kiss.”
“Can’t you settle for a hug?” There was a small, goofy grin creeping up his lips. “Fine.” He gave up as your face remained stoic.
You closed your eyes, waiting for his lips to touch yours, but it never happened. Instead, he kissed your temple, smiling at you before using his palm to close your eyes.
(...)
Little did you know you’d wake up in an unknown bed, head sore from drinking too much the night before and most of your memories missing. You were tucked inside the bedsheets wearing nothing but your undergarments.
“Shit.” Your head darted up, scanning the hotel room you were currently in. There was no sign of Lucas, whom you assumed had taken you there.
Did he take advantage of your intoxicated state? Had he deliberately offered you to drink? Thousands of questions ran through your mind, the booze from last night making your memory blurry.
You found your clothes neatly folded over a wooden chair. Had you done that before sleeping with Lucas? Had you even slept with Lucas?
“Agh.” You whined, screaming into a pillow, frustrated at your lack of memory.
He’d probably left after getting what he wanted from you. How stupid you were for thinking nothing would happen over a small date. Just as you were about to start crying, a loud beep echoed around the room, the door opening to reveal Lucas carrying your and his breakfast.
“Thank god, I thought you were in a coma.” He mocked, carrying the food all the way to the table under your confused gaze.
“What happened yesterday?”
“We didn’t fuck if that’s what you’re asking.” He smirked, enjoying your flustered expression a little too much. “You did try to get into my pants, though. But don’t worry, I tucked you in before you did something you’d regret later.”
“Did I strip off my clothes?”
“As I said, you were really needy last night.” You groaned, letting your head fall into the pillow. “Get up before your coffee gets cold.”
“Don’t boss me around.” Still, you got up from bed, the bedsheets wrapped tightly around your body to cover.
You changed back into your clothes, joining Lucas on the small table to have breakfast. He got you a white mocha along with a chicken sandwich, your favorites. Where did he even get the information on what you liked?
“So...you still don't like me?” This was it, your chance to get rid of your annoying project partner. But why didn't the thought sound so tempting as it did a few days ago?
“I think I'll need another date, just to make sure.”
“Are you sure you can keep it in your pants next time?” You kicked his leg under the table. “Ouch!”
“I suggest you stop talking before you lose all the points you gained with me last night.”
“So I gained points?” He looked at you curiously.
“Shut up already.”
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corner-stories · 2 years
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the day you found me i remember what we wanted to be
Trainer Dawn. Trainer Lucas.
Growing Up. Heartbreak. Adulthood.
(ao3.)
8042 words.
In honour of the Sinnoh remakes allow me to share the Sinnoh fic I'm most proud of and the longest fic I've written to date
the day you found me i remember what we wanted to be
A long time ago you’re 13 years old. You’re known in Twinleaf for being the Top Coordinator’s daughter, the Twinleaf Junior Chess Champion, and the quiet girl who barely speaks.
You’re young, fresh-faced, and getting a Pokemon is the best thing that has ever happened to you.
When Professor Willard Darwin Rowan shows you three little creatures you’ve only seen in books and TV, you find yourself gravitating towards the blue penguin the most. It’s feisty and prideful, yet you can already sense a bond forming between you two.
Your childhood friend Barry takes his pick after you and selects the small green turtle as his partner.
You begin to wonder where the remaining Pokemon will go, but the Professor simply closes his suitcase and goes on his way. He tells you and Barry to visit him in Sandgem when you can. Trailing after the man is his assistant, a young boy just about your age.
The boy gently brushes past you and Barry. The way he politely mutters “Uh, sorry folks” sticks with you in a way you have yet to understand. You and Barry watch as he goes through the grass to chase his employer.
Suddenly you get an idea of where the adorable orange chimp will end up.
...
...
...
A day later, you come to Sandgem and find the Chimchar sitting on the shoulders of the assistant.
You get formalities out of the way — you tell him your name is Dawn and he says that his is Lucas. You think it suits him.
Lucas is a head of dark hair and a pair of pretty grey eyes. He smiles cheerfully like the 13-year-old is, but speaks with a kind of professionalism that comes across as more endearing than civil.
He explains that he works as both a personal assistant to the Professor and as a lab aide. His father is a high-ranking biologist who helps Rowan out in his studies. He gave his son the lab job because someone needed to sweep the floors and keep the fridge stocked, but being somewhat bright for his age definitely helped Lucas get the gig.
He seems nice for the most part. Most people your age don’t talk to you this way — you’re either too silent or too freaky to be around. The way your eyes look when you’re thinking makes you look intimidating, even if you don’t mean to be. The way you don’t often speak makes people think you’re dumb or aloof — it’s not the case, it’s either that words are unnecessary or that Barry is better off doing all the talking.
Lucas doesn’t mind. He smiles at you and you smile back because it’s the polite thing to do and your mother raised you with manners.
After the Professor entrusts you with a Pokedex and Lucas teaches you how to capture a Pokemon, you walk north to Jubilife and your thoughts begin to wander.
You think it’s interesting that you’ve known Barry for most of your life and it still took a decade for you to form the bond you have now, yet you’ve only known Lucas for a day and you feel like you’ve been friends for years.
...
...
...
The months of journeying and training go on and you discover that you’re not too shabby at this Pokemon trainer thing. You also realize that you and Lucas have more in common than you thought.
From being raised to know the region’s legends by heart, to being taught Sinnohan folk dances from the moment you could walk. You both care about Pokemon and have been raised around them all your life. You both love the notes of the same piano sonatas and know the lyrics to old west Sinnohan folk songs.
Even in the ways you two may be different, you find a way to connect them.
You’re known in Twinleaf for being the coordinator’s daughter. He’s known in Sandgem for being the biologist’s son.
You’ve made a small mark by proving to be a chess prodigy before the age of 10. He’s made a smaller one by displaying a gifted grasp on abstract mathematics before his 11th birthday.
You understand battles and folklore more than your mother’s contests. Lucas understands numbers more than his parent’s arguments.
You don’t love Sinnoh’s endless cold, but you love it more than the way hot weather overwhelms you. He doesn’t love wearing contacts, but he loves it more than wearing his glasses.
You’d rather explore Sinnoh than ask your mother who your father is. He’d rather work as a lab aide than spend time at home being poked and prodded by his kid sister.
It all makes sense in a way.
You bump into Lucas every once in a while on your journey — sometimes he’s hoping to find you, other times it’s a happy coincidence.
When it’s intentional, Lucas is delivering a gift from the Professor, something the scholar thinks would help you on your journey. When it’s not, Lucas is just excited to see you. His eyes light up whenever you enter his sight.
And more often than not, you’re excited to see him, because unlike Barry he doesn’t challenge you to battles, though your team is growing impressively strong. Lucas doesn’t ask you how many badges you’ve won, just how your Pokedex is going and how you’ve been. He talks to you like you’re friends and you appreciate that.
Sometimes you spend time chatting under trees or enjoying cups of pecha berry tea in cafes. Sometimes you let your Pokemon out so that you and Lucas’s teams can play together.
Your starter appears to recognize Lucas and he explains that it’s because he raised the trio from when they were eggs. Your Prinplup pokes curiously at his Chimchar — it has yet to evolve but Lucas is in no rush to form his team.
There’s one day where you explore Eterna Forest together. He takes you to a rock in the south west end and shows you how to evolve your Eevee into a Leafeon. There’s another day before your sixth gym battle where you spend hours in Canalave’s library together. He shows you his favourite book about the beginning of the universe and you show him your favourite book about Sinnoh’s folklore.
You begin to appreciate these little moments between you and him. Because as you travel farther into the region, the world you find seems to get darker and darker. Danger appears to be hiding every corner, you can’t avoid it. It makes you wonder if you’re just some cosmic plaything that Arceus cursed with the misfortune of running into trouble everywhere you go.
From space cults to nihilists, from lake guardians to the beings of time, space, and antimatter, the world you live in proves to be a different place than you thought it’d be.
But you find a way to live with it.
You realize that as difficult as life can be, it is worth living as long as you can see light at the end of the tunnel. Although you’re young, your voice is only used for loved ones, and you’ve still got a lot to learn, you find it in you to keep going.
So you battle the space cults, you battle the nihilist in hell, you free the lake guardians, you witness the beings of space and time bound by red chains, and you fight a demon in a world beyond your wildest nightmares.
Because when trouble finds you and refuses to leave, you can either run from it or challenge it to a battle.
And you’re not one to say no to a fight.
...
...
...
You grow up a bit more. Over a year has passed since you got your first Pokemon.
It takes you three tries to defeat Cynthia. In the first battle, she retains three of her team members after her Milotic finally annihilates your Magmortar. In the second, you find yourself fighting back stressful tears when her Spiritomb takes down your Dusknoir. In the third, both teams get whittled down to their last players. Your Empoleon manages to take down her esteemed Garchomp with a single, lucky Ice Beam.
Then suddenly you’re the champion.
The whole region suddenly has its eyes on a young girl from Twinleaf Town. Sinnoh watches as you dethrone Cynthia in a breathtaking battle, then take your steps into the Hall of Fame.
You don’t want the position to change you. You still want to be the same quiet, soft-spoken, mild-mannered Dawn that you are.
You continue on with your life and head to Sinnoh’s north east where the Battle Frontier and Stark Mountain await your arrival. You fight trainers that are wicked strong, much more powerful than the ones on the mainland.
Something you learned about on your journey is that your sense of justice is stronger than you thought it was. So you head up the mountain and fight a few remaining Team Galactic grunts, then witness the strange man you met in Jubilife over a year ago arrest the final one remaining.
The media starts to give you attention. Cameras get pointed in your direction, reporters become far more interested in you than they ever were with your mother. The tabloids gush about how beautiful you will look once you transition from a cute teenager into a full grown woman.
Sometimes the attention makes you uncomfortable, but you know better than to lash out against it. Your mother certainly taught you a thing or two about handling the spotlight. Sometimes you call her and she gives you tips and pointers about handling a crowd, like when to smile and when to give them a big finish.
You take up residence in a villa in the Resort Area. Having lived a modest life in Twinleaf, you wonder if the place really suits you. People come to the place to relax and show off their wealth, you’re here because someone gave you a villa and you found yourself unwilling to refuse.
You furnish the place with things you want — a piano, a bookcase, a sofa, a comfy bed. When you’re not training, you’re practicing your favourite piano sonata (but you’re utterly rusty.) When you’re not working with the league, you’re reading old Sinnohan folktales with the new knowledge that all the legends are real. When you’re not taking challengers, you’re napping because you’re sacrificing sleep to fit everything in.
You get visitors every once in a while.
When it’s Barry, you chat and battle him. When it’s Professor Rowan, you discuss the Pokedex and enjoy a cup of chesto berry tea with the esteemed scholar. When it’s Maylene, you spar hand-to-hand in the front yard and make the neighbours wonder what in Arceus’s name is the weirdo in the villa doing. When it’s Candice, you show off your team and she studies them with fascination. When it’s your mother, you watch movies together like when you were a kid.
When it’s Lucas, you take in how he’s changed.
You don’t see him often now, usually there are months between your meetings. You notice that he’s grown a little bit taller. You have too, but even then you have to look upwards to meet his eyes.
He looks more confident. Last you saw him, he was worried over filling the Pokedex and would state that he was worthless without it. Now when he smiles, it doesn’t feel like a front for smaller insecurities. When he cracks jokes, it’s not to distract from shortcomings or to downplay himself. He’s even wearing his glasses now, something he detested as a 13-year-old but now does with pride. He’s come to peace with his lack of battling skills and finds more value in his Pokemon’s friendship than their strength. There’s a new kind of assurance in him and you’re quick to take a liking to it.
And after all this, you can still talk to him like an old friend. He’s still a cheerful, bright mind that’s eager to explore the world of Pokemon. You’re still a curious young girl that sees the world in your own special way.
Lucas usually stops by your villa when he’s in the area, often doing research or running errands for the lab. He stops by to rest, but also to see you.
As he’s resting, you two catch up over a pot of tea and a tray of gingersnaps. Sometimes you show off your work on the piano or the latest ribbon you’ve earned. Throughout your meetings, you come to find that his Monferno has finally evolved into an Infernape. Sometimes you let your starters play outside in order to properly catch up and even your Empoleon is always overjoyed to see their old friend again.
You learn more about what Lucas is researching, as he’s beginning to explore fields outside of Rowan’s usual work. After stumbling upon his mother’s old notebooks, Lucas had discovered a bunch of theories and equations regarding Giratina and antimatter. Once he went over them, he began creating some theories of his own.
He decided to research this ever since your adventure in the Distortion World. You didn’t realize it then, but the few moments you spent in that dimension has opened up more scientific possibilities than you expected. The world of scholars apparently had a field day over the discovery.
You smile, listen to Lucas’s words, and realize just how far you’ve come. You’ve both grown in your own ways — you still understand battles like they’re your own personal language, he still sees numbers and equations as the bridge between the human mind and the unknown. You have both managed to turn your different understandings into careers, a true blessing from Arceus if there ever was one.
Your world grows in its own ways. You manage to conquer the Battle Frontier, first earning the silver commemorative prints then finally the gold. It’s a glorious day when Palmer, a man who has watched you grow up, gets to witness you defeat him. In a way, he’s like a father you never had, so when you finally win a gold print, he hugs you and ruffles your hair like he does with his own son.
You meet the other champions of the world — Hilda from Unova is a boisterous but ruthless battler, Ethan from Johto and Kanto is a kindhearted nature-lover, Brendan from Hoenn is cocky but lives up to his reputation, and Serena from Kalos is as compassionate as she is beautiful.
Lucas manages to meet more researchers, sharing his theories with other scholars and earning some very well-deserved attention. One particular researcher in Alola is very impressed with what he’s been able to theorize by synthesizing old information with new.
He begins studying with other brilliant minds, leaving Rowan’s lab to converse with people in the field of theoretical physics in relation to Pokemon. There’s a resilient (but underfunded) lab at the base of Mt. Coronet that monitors space-time in Sinnoh. Last you heard, they set him up in a small room filled with blackboards and several boxes of premium Kantonian chalk to crunch numbers and present theorems all day.
It doesn’t sound like the most appealing line of work, but you know him enough to know that he would be beyond happy to be given this privilege. So you smile for him and concern yourself with other things, like when you might see him again.
...
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...
One day you’re just about 18.
Barry tells you that Lucas is planning on leaving Sinnoh for a while. There are plenty of internship opportunities overseas, many labs would kill to have a brilliant mind like his on their roster.
You know that Barry would never lie to you, but for some reason you don’t want to believe him.
Your heart sinks when you hear the news, so you tell Barry that there’s no way that would happen. It’s denial, but denial feels easier to swallow now.
But Barry persists. He even stops your shared training session to tell you what he’s heard. Even he believes that you should know.
You still don’t want to take in the truth and insist that the training continues. Barry agrees and lets his Heracross and your Gallade continue the fight.
You keep the news in the back of your mind. You’re unsure whether you're more afraid of it being true or it being false.
Professor Rowan confirms the truth for you. When the old man stops by your villa for tea, he dispels any false words that may have reached you.
Lucas’s mother has been out of the region for many years, researching the Creation Trio at the Sinjoh Ruins for as long as her family can remember. She doesn’t intend to come back to her homeland anytime soon, but has offered her son an opportunity to join her at the Ruins. The contributions Lucas had made to her antimatter theories are invaluable.
The trip would not be temporary, as there’s no telling just how long this sort of research will take. Lucas would be away from Sinnoh, but he would be studying among scholars in his field, something he had been dreaming about since he was a little boy. You know that because Lucas told you long ago, when you were no older than 13.
The news makes your heart hurt. The idea of not seeing Lucas is something you’re not sure you can handle. Yet a part of you knows that it may be for the best.
Lucas has spent years of his youth trying to prove himself as a competent researcher. He beat himself up for letting his Pokedex fall into the hands of Team Galactic, the expectations of his critical father has been a heavy burden on his heart at a shockingly young age. When he realized he wasn’t as strong of a trainer as he thought he’d be, he felt as if his world was collapsing before his very eyes.
Going to study the Creation Trio at this caliber may be one of the greatest things that ever happened to him.
You just wish that the news didn’t make you feel so heartbroken.
...
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...
After a few months, Lucas comes by your villa. As per usual, you offer a pot of tea, but then he asks you if you want to go for a walk. Immediately, you know that he didn’t come all this way to study the wildlife.
You agree and grab your topcoat before walking out the door with him. You stride down the beach, watching the waves crash onto the shore and the sun shining bright in the sky.
You look to Lucas and take note of his pretty grey eyes behind the thick frames of his spectacles. You know what he’s going to say, so when you and him get to a more secluded part of the beach near a cave that fills with water at dark, you cut him off when he starts to speak.
“Dawn-”
“I know.”
Lucas raises an eyebrow at you. “You do?”
“That you’re leaving Sinnoh?” you continue. “To do research at the Sinjoh Ruins with your mother?”
Lucas goes silent and looks down, placing his hands in the pockets of his coat. He pokes at the wet stand with the tip of his shoe, then asks, “... how’d you find out?”
“Barry told me, so did the Professor.”
He lets out a sigh and finally meets your gaze. “I’m sorry.”
You’re unsure what he means by that, so you press further. “Why?”
“That I didn’t tell you myself,” he explains woefully. “I… I fucked up, Dawn. For that… I’m very sorry.” He goes silent again, then forces himself to continue, “It’s just… out of everyone I was worried about telling… I thought about you the most.”
The words hit you gently. You have a faint idea of what he may be trying to say, but your instincts may be betraying you.
“So what do you want me to say about it?” you question in a tone that sounds slightly accusatory.
“How do you feel about me leaving?” he asks more directly.
What is there to say?
You want him to stay, but you know you refuse to be the reason he holds himself back.
You want to continue being in your life, but you know that there’s more to his existence than what he means to you.
You can’t lie to him, so instead you decide to withhold the entirety of the truth. It doesn’t really feel like a lie if it’s for his own good.
“I’m happy if you’re happy, Lucas,” you say truthfully.
“That’s all,” you say falsely.
You step towards him, get on your tiptoes slightly, and embrace him with a hug. It’s a gesture you only reserved for loved ones. Considering how long you’ve known Lucas and how strongly you feel about him leaving, it’s fair to say that he counts.
“Congratulations, by the way,” you whisper into his ear.
Lucas stiffens upon your touch, but he soon hugs you back as well. It’s a comforting feeling, his arms around you, you try not to get used to it.
“Thank you, Dawn. It means a lot, coming from you.”
You wonder why his words make your heart beat just a bit faster.
...
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...
You get an invitation to Lucas’s going-away party. It’s from his grandfather, which makes you wonder if Lucas had trouble sending it to you himself.
Nonetheless, you decide that it’s best to go. Lucas showed neverending support on your journey to become a champion. It’s only fair that you do the same.
The party is in Rowan’s Lab, so you fly over on the back of your Togekiss. You recall your main flyer and make the short walk towards the building. It’s a cold Sinnohan night, you can see your breath turn to clouds and feel the chill biting your cheeks.
When you enter the lab, it’s moderately crowded. For once, the people inside are not all dressed in white lab coats. Everyone is focused more on boozing and schmoozing than researching.
You look around and you can recognize a few faces — Roark and Byron are here, as well as Gardenia, Candice, and Maylene. The faces you don’t recognize make you realize just how big Lucas’s world really is. You feel stupid for thinking that you were ever important enough in his life to matter.
You hang up your coat and get a drink. On a table in the lab is a bowl of hot mulled spirit that’s dark red and smells like citrus fruit and spices. You get a whole mug full and feel a warming sensation in your chest whenever you drink it. It also has the added side effect of relaxing you. The concoction is dangerously delicious and makes the gathering more tolerable.
You take more sips from your mug and try to navigate the party. From across the room, you eventually spot the man of the hour.
Lucas is standing between Professor Rowan and his father. With his glasses on, he looks like the spitting image of his old man, from the shade of their messy dark hair to the way they smile. They’re even the same height. To your surprise, anyone who looks like they could be Lucas’s mother is nowhere to be seen. You’ve only seen pictures of the lady and really thought you’d finally meet her in the flesh.
Professor Rowan is smiling for once. He affectionately ruffles his former assistant’s hair, a rare thing to witness from such a stoic man. You realize that the Professor was not just a fatherly figure in your life, but in Lucas’s as well.
You consider approaching him, but Lucas is surrounded by people that you don’t know. He’s constantly giving out handshakes and smiles, listening to every “congratulations!” being thrown his way. The wall of people around him becomes an impenetrable force that you can’t even dream of getting through.
You don’t want to ruin the mood either. Considering how your last meeting went and the fact that you haven’t spoken to him in months, you think that your presence would disrupt the celebratory ambiance.
So you distract yourself with anything else. You spot a pair of familiar faces gravitate towards them.
Candice is an absolute sweetheart. When she sees you, she cheers your name and pulls you into a warm hug. Maylene is behind her, being the one who holds the drinks while her girlfriend greets everyone in sight. Drunk Candice always tends to be more affectionate than sober Candice.
You find yourself in a corner with Candice and Maylene, as aside from Lucas and the Professor (and Barry if he’s somewhere here), they’re the people you’re most familiar with. Maylene has been teaching you how to physically fight since you met years ago and Candice is always eager to befriend highly skilled trainers.
Maylene proudly holds her left hand up to show you the diamond ring on her finger, Candice does the same and it takes you an embarrassingly long time to put two and two together. With a smile, you hug the both of them and congratulate your friends on their engagement. They ask you to attend their wedding and you say yes in a heartbeat.
You find yourself listening to Candice and Maylene’s wedding plans so much that the sound of the party begins to drown out. You drink some more, you listen some more, and soon you start to forget why you were so nervous coming here in the first place.
In the late hours of the night, you find yourself in the lab’s kitchen. A good chunk of the guests have left already, as some have work in the morning or have had a little too much to drink. The image of Candice and Maylene working together to escort a drunk Gardenia out of the lab is one that you’ll never forget.
You pour some tap water into a mug, as you’re parched from the party. While you sit on the counter and take gentle sips, you hear the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway.
“You came,” says a familiar voice.
Lucas is standing in the doorway with a bottle in his hand and a surprised look on his face.
“I had to see you one last time,” you admit sheepishly.
You give him a nervous smile and he returns it. You take a sip of your water, then feel the sudden temptation to walk over and hug him like you did on the beach.
But you don’t do that.
You don’t need to give him another reason to stay.
Lucas approaches you with slow steps and holds the bottle up. It’s some kind of sparkling wine from Kalos.
“May I offer you a drink?” he says. “I sure could use one too.”
You raise an eyebrow at him. “I thought you were happy to leave.”
“I am,” he confirms. “Leaving to study, I mean. It’s just… saying goodbye to home is a lot harder than I thought.”
When he says that, you find yourself nodding along to his offer. You dump the water in your mug into the sink and hold out the vessel. Lucas fills it up like a gentleman. He takes another mug from the cupboard and pours some bubbly for himself. He then puts the bottle down and holds his mug up as if it were a brass chalice.
“To new beginnings,” he starts.
“And new adventures,” you finish.
You tap mugs gently and take a drink of the sparkling spirit. It goes down easy and you find yourself consuming more of it than you anticipated. It’s an interesting testament to how long your friendship has been — five years ago you two were just kids, now you’re both basically grown-ups and even more ready to take on the world.
When you’re both done drinking, you remain sitting on the counter and Lucas remains in front of you.
He’s almost dressed like the Professor — a button-front shirt, a sweater vest, and a black tie that hangs loose from his collar. His hair is as scruffy as always and his glasses are nowhere near as bad as his younger self made them seem. You think he looks rather handsome like that, but maybe that’s just the sparkling wine speaking.
“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you all night,” you tell him sincerely.
He gives you a gentle smile that makes your heart skip a beat.
“It’s okay. I’ll write to you when I’m gone. I hear there’s wi-fi up in the Sinjoh Ruins.”
You let out a polite chuckle. “There’s no need to worry about me, Lucas. Just live your dreams.”
“Easier said than done, huh?”
A silence follows. You can feel something in the air as a heavy wordlessness hangs between him and you. The saddened look he gives you doesn’t make you feel any better.
“I’ll miss you a lot,” you eventually say, keeping your eyes down on the ground. It feels cliche, but a part of you just needs him to know it.
“Me too.”
Suddenly his hand is on yours. He’s shaking. You look up and meet his grey eyes for what feels like the last time.
Your heart continues to beat like mad.
You think you can infer what he’s doing, but see it in his fragile gaze that he’s too shy to initiate any further, so you do the rest.
You lean forward and meet his lips with yours.
.
.
.
The kiss is gentle and slow. Your forehead brushes with his. You find your arms moving upwards and snaking around his neck. You pull him closer and he reciprocates by doing the same. One of his hands plays with your hair and you grip onto the material of his shirt.
You kiss him like it will get him to stay. You kiss him like you’ve been thinking about him from the moment you met. It took you a stupidly long time to realize that all his friendly smiles, casual texts, or his treks up to your villa existed because he felt something for you, something beyond the realms of casual friendship. Sometimes you think about how you look when he’s around, sometimes you find yourself caring too much about how neat your hair is or how well your clothes match, feelings you have never experienced with another person. You berate yourself for waiting this long to actually act on your feelings, all those years wasted on doubts that were never really there.
When you pull away from him, your eyes meet again. Your breathing feels rushed and your heart is beating inhumanly fast. Lucas is doing the same.
You don’t know what else to do. You know that this won’t make him stay, you love him too much to hold him back.
So you pull him into a hug, holding him close and letting your face fit into the crook of his neck. He knows you’ll miss him, you’ve shown him how much. He knows that you feel the same way now and you wonder just when did he start feeling that way about you. You’re too afraid to ask. If he loved you from the very first day, then your heart will break even more.
He holds you in his arms and you hold him even tighter. You stay like this for a while, wondering if just how much you’ll regret it if you let go too early.
His flight leaves at noon and a confounded, unavoidable league meeting is the only reason why you can’t be there to see him off. You know he would understand why, but that doesn’t make you feel any better.
Twelve o’clock comes and goes like always. You push yourself to get through it in an attempt to act like nothing is wrong. At the end of the day, you find yourself back at your villa, looking up into the sky at the countless stars and you think about how the world must look like a bunch of lonely lights to the cosmos above. You see a plane flying in the south and his name slips into your mind.
You hope it’s for the last time.
...
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...
The years go on and reality ensues. Staying in touch is as difficult as you thought.
A televised charity match between you and Leaf — a wicked tough trainer from Kanto — graces the screens of the world. Your Empoleon and her Venusaur clash like meteors hurtling through the atmosphere. The match ends in a tie, but weeks later you’re suddenly swarmed with loads of trainers ready to take on the Elite 4 in the hopes of maybe facing you.
It whittles down on your spare time, so when you’re not annihilating newbie challengers, you’re healing or training your team.
As a result, emails and texts go unread. You send messages but don’t respond to new ones. You live your life and Lucas lives his. Sometimes you think about what it’s like researching all the way in the Sinjoh Ruins. You think about the cold and how it may compare to an average day at Sinnoh. You find a way to make peace with how things ended up between him and you.
You make new friends and meet new people. You attend Candice and Maylene’s wedding as Maylene’s maid-of-honor. You think Candice looks absolutely gorgeous in her pale white wedding dress and that Snowpoint has never looked more beautiful. You think Maylene is now the luckiest woman in all of Sinnoh and wish them many many years of happiness in your speech at the reception.
You watch your other friends get into relationships. You witness Riley meet Cheryl at the Battleground and suddenly he finds other reasons to leave Iron Island aside from re-challenging you. You run into Roark and Gardenia on a date in Floaroma Town, there’s a nervous, yet earnest gleam in both of their eyes and you secretly hope that they can make things work out.
You run into Lucas’s kid sister, Lucy. She’s attending Jubilife’s trainer school with the Clefairy that once belonged to her brother. She happily tells you that she’ll be at the league in no time, so you ruffle her hair playfully as a way of accepting her challenge. She tells you that her brother doesn’t write home often, but she’s used to it because neither does her mother. She says that she’s sure that Lucas misses you and you’re unsure on how that makes you feel.
You move into a place in Canalave because you like the ocean but miss the west. The villa in the Resort Area remains under your ownership and you use it as both a vacation home and when you’re too tired to commute from the league to your townhouse.
You don’t date because you’re okay with being single and no one has ever made you feel as passionate. Candice attempts to set you up on blind dates. It takes several polite rejections for her to finally get the idea. Sometimes you don’t like the way other men look at you, because part of you knows that they’re just interested in you for the glory associated with being a champion’s partner and not who you are underneath. You’re the toughest trainer in Sinnoh yet dating is the thing that you refuse to touch with a ten foot pole.
You finally get a vague hint as to who your father is. Your mother claims that he was a dashing, handsome policeman who went by many names — allegedly he worked for Interpol . She had a fling with him when she was young and never heard of him after he left Sinnoh, she didn’t even get a chance to tell him she was expecting. Her words cause a strange theory to form in your head, something that makes you think of the strange man you met in Jubilife long ago and hadn’t seen since your adventures on Stark Mountain. But the only thing you had in common with him was the same pair of eyes. You don’t think about that for too long in fear of causing more lifelong regrets.
You practice fighting with Maylene more. She teaches you more takedowns to the point where you could maybe survive a scuffle without the help of your Pokemon. There are days where you find yourself tossing her onto the mats more than she does to you. You become proficient with a bo staff, something you use to enhance your training with your Empoleon, Gallade, and Leafeon.
You become a patron of various charities. One helps fund trainer schools in impoverished areas, another helps the preservation of Sinnoh’s ancient monuments, and several are dedicated to protecting the environment around the region, especially the lakes.
You meet Nate, the current champion of Unova who fears that he’ll never live up to the expectations set before him. He’s shy, quiet, and a few years younger than you. When you look at him, your mind begins to think about your teenage self and whether or not you acted in a similar vein.
You establish a correspondence with Serena the Kalos Champion, a master of Mega Evolution and a region-wide fashion icon. Through her invitation, you end up coming to Kalos for a few months to study the art for yourself. Your french is utterly horrible, but you manage to impress a man in a coastal city named Gurkinn and he gives you a Key Stone Mega Ring in return. The ring fits on your left middle finger and your Gallade happily holds a sphere of Galladite to complete the transformation.
You read folktales from beyond your homeland and begin wondering just how everything is connected. You become more interested in the field of history and anthropology and considering going into academics yourself.
Life goes on and you learn to get by. There are days where you’re beyond happy, there are others where your thoughts get dark and you cannot bear to leave your home. Yet when duty calls and Sinnoh needs its champion, you buckle and embrace the unknown.
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...
One day you’re 21 and adult life seems to be treating you well. The Sinnoh media glows with praise whenever you show off a new look or start a new fashion trend. Turtlenecks have always been popular in Sinnoh, but the photos snapped of you in a heated match against Bertha has caused sales to rise through the roof.
You commute everywhere for work now. When you’re not at the League, you’re training in the north east. When you’re not prepping younger Pokemon to add to your team, you’re attending interviews and photoshoots in Jubilife and Hearthome. You still find time to do familiar things, such as visiting your mother, saying hi to Professor Rowan, and kicking Barry’s ass.
On a rainy afternoon, you walk to Sunyshore City from Valor Lakefront. The droplets beat down on your umbrella but you pray that it stops by the time you get to the city.
You head to a cafe to wait out the rain. As you drink your cup of chesto berry tea, your Pokegear receives a text from Mira, the Elite Four’s newest member. The meeting has been postponed by two hours, a fortunate incident as the rain in the sky has started to cease. The clouds begin to part to reveal the sun shining in the great big blue.
So you leave the cafe and walk down the streets in the aftermath of a downpour. You love this kind of weather, when the droplets drip off awnings and street lamps and are illuminated by the light. You let your Empoleon out of his Pokeball to share this moment with him.
You go to the lighthouse and head to the top viewpoint, a place you haven’t visited in over a year.
The elevator door arrives in a large wide room accompanied by a large wide window. Outside is the big blue sky and the big blue sea. Waves crash against the rocks. The sun above peaks through the clouds and shines a light on the world.
There are only a handful of people around you — some young, some old, some exactly your age.
You go to the window and take in the view. It calms you just like it did when you were young.
Suddenly your Empoleon lets out an excited squawk and starts jumping up and down, something he rarely ever does. You turn your head to see what has your partner so excited, and then you see him.
It’s been three years and he hasn’t changed a bit.
He still wears the same glasses, the same dorkish sweaters, holds the same gaze, and smiles the same smile. He still has a familiar air of earnestness to him, something that immediately strikes a familiar chord with you.
“Hi,” he greets softly. “Remember me?”
You don’t believe what you’re seeing at first, so like an idiot you just stand there and blink.
“Lucas?”
Like the notes of your favourite song, everything falls into place.
You find yourself smiling. You drop everything — your bag and your wet umbrella — and find yourself jumping into his arms. You hug him dearly, as if the last time wasn’t hard enough. You feel him lift you up and spin you around and by Arceus, that feels so good . You can’t stop yourself from smiling as he holds you, and you finally say the name you’ve been missing for years:
“Lucas.”
...
...
...
You slip to each other’s lives again. It turns out that after his stint at the Sinjoh Ruins, Lucas worked in Alola for a year to monitor space-time at the Dimensional Research Lab in Heahea City. It was through his work with the brilliant Professor Burnet that he nabbed another research job that would take him back to Sinnoh. The DRL was opening a branch in Eterna City as an extension of their studies and Professor Burnet recommended Lucas for a position there herself. In a way, it would replace the lab at the base of Mt. Coronet that had to close due to lack of funding.
Lucas took the job because he missed his home and you’re beyond overjoyed that he did.
Your life goes on quite simply. You continue commuting around for battles and charity work and corporate sponsorships. Lucas gets started in Sinnoh’s Dimensional Research Lab, where his office consists of a personal coffee maker, many many blackboards, and his own personal stash of his favourite Kantonian chalk.
Lucas and you hang out a lot more and get along without missing a beat. Like when you were young, you and him drink tea in cafes, check out the Canalave Library, and train your teams. Sometimes you find yourself holding his hand and doing so tightly because you don’t want to let him go ever again.
Lucas has gotten a lot stronger since travelling around. His Infernape is much tougher, his Riolu finally evolved into a Lucario, and he even brought back a wicked Pokemon from Alola named Vikavolt.
You go on more adventures together. When Lucas says he wants to check for signs of the legendary golems in Mt. Coronet, you say you’re right behind him and follow him to the caves to meet the beasts.
Your relationship forms gently. You’re both tired of holding it in and wasting time fearing rejection, so you go on dates together. When the Hoenn Champion Brendan announces his engagement to the famed researcher May Birch, you ask Lucas to be your plus-one to the wedding. To your delight, he agrees.
Sometimes you sleep next to him in your Canalave Townhouse, other times you crash in his ground floor apartment in Eterna City. You bring him dinner when he’s too busy working to eat, he brings you your favourite tea and milk bread when he knows you’ve had a long day of battling and training.
At one point, he starts getting tired of all the commuting between homes. You ask him if he’d like to live with you and he says yes. You refurnish the place together, adorning the walls with Alolan art and paintings of the Creation Trio.
You join him when it’s time for his sister’s graduation from Jubilife’s trainer school. You have to hide your face to avoid stealing attention. From the crowd, you smile at every trainer on stage and get psyched at the sight of your next batch of challengers.
You travel to Kalos with Lucas to meet Professor Rowan’s former pupil, Professor Augustine Sycamore. You travel to Alola to meet Lucas’s former mentor, Professor Burnet. You travel to Galar to learn more about the G-max phenomenon. You travel to Johto to meet the champion Ethan again and he offers to take you and Lucas up to Mt. Silver for an adventure.
Sometimes Lucas’s work takes him to labs around the world. Sometimes he leaves for weeks to study, yet somehow you find contentedness in this.
Because with Lucas by your side, you discover a new kind of happiness you had only ever dreamed about. At night you sleep next to him soundly, as if you’ve finally started living life in the good seats.
...
...
...
You’re 23 when Lucas asks you to marry him.
His proposal is somewhat informal. He doesn’t do it at a candlelight dinner, he stutters a lot when speaking, he doesn’t preface the question with a speech about how far you’ve come, he even forgets to get down on one knee first because he’s so damn nervous.
But he asks you in Floaroma Town when the sun shines bright and the flowers bloom. He kisses you dearly, then whispers the words when his forehead is pressed against yours:
“Be my wife. Will you?”
In your hands he gently shows you a diamond ring. It’s in a plain box, it’s simple and elegant, and when you see it shining in the sun your heart starts beating so fast you swear that it will burst out of your chest.
So you say yes.
Yes, you’ll be his wife.
Yes, you’ll marry him.
Yes, you’ll take that vow.
...
...
...
The word of you and Lucas’s engagement spreads fast. Your mother cries when she hears the news, Barry cries even more, Candice jumps for joy while Maylene pats you happily on the shoulder, Professor Rowan even gives you a small smile.
You push back on your publicist’s insistence that you have a public wedding. Lucas backs you up, as he wants to get married in private as well.
You get married on Sandgem’s shores, close to where your journey started all those years ago.
You wear a pale white dress to the ceremony that has a floral pattern embedded into the fabric. Lucas wears a steely blue suit and a floral tie. The weather is mild but the sun shines bright in the sky. When he sees you walking down the aisle, you can’t even find the words to describe the way his eyes shine.
You swear you can hear Barry sobbing harder than your own mother. It makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time. Lucas’s family is here as well — his aging grandfather, his proud dad, his sister, even his mother came down from the Sinjoh Ruins to see her son get married.
Petals of Gracidea flowers are scattered around the sand, a staple of Sinnohan weddings. You and Lucas stand at the altar and listen to the minister speak. Your heart cries out this is where you belong as you and Lucas exchange vows and place rings on each other’s fingers.
You both say “I do,” then you and Lucas share your first kiss as husband and wife. The sound of clapping erupts around you, a noise that mixes well with the waves crashing on the shore.
When it’s over, you take Lucas’s hand, hold it tight, and take your first steps with him by your side.
Somehow everything has led here. You can’t help but realize that while it seems like one journey is ending, the true adventure is just waiting to begin.
and now whenever i meet your eyes i can see much more than we can ever say
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athys-obelia · 3 years
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summary: no one's evil au lmfaooo but make it pt. 2
character/s: anastacius de alger obelia, claude de alger obelia, athanasia de alger obelia, jennette de alger obelia
and here's part 1 <3
oh my god okay. okay. so.
ana, claude, athy and jennette - they go on a LOT of vacations
claude complains every single time but anastacius pulls his trump card and sends athy and jettie BOTH after him
u think he's strong enough to say no after that? lmao jokes
and their vacations always go this way:
jennette: isn't this scenery just gorgeous, uncle
claude: indeed it is. and...quiet
jennette: ...too quiet
[cut to anastacius in the distance, fighting a bear as athy cheers him on]
athy + anastacius, hands down the most chaotic pairing yes i will not be taking criticism
they have tea in ana's palace everyday, just the two of them, they're so poised and picture perfect through the entire thing everyone thinks it's just the emperor giving profound advice to his heir
it's actually them deadass scheming,,, ana has no qualms discussing everything from court gossip to military tactics, both of which she's so on top of all the time
if anyone shit talks jennette or claude, this tea party is where their slow and agonizing demise is planned out to the dot
[true story - count sivan once made the fatal mistake of expressing his favour for athy as the next empress, dissing jennette by comparing her to athy sm which inevitably sparked a debate that ranked the princesses. a week after athy's sources informed her of the kindling behind this new debate, the count's sudden divorce became the talk of the town, and the man's business faced bankruptcy all of a sudden. the sivans still haven't recovered.)
athy n jennette were actually allowed to visit kiel in arlanta a few times, except it was too dark at their first arrival, postponing the meeting to the next morning
buttt then jettie can't sleep and she decides on a midnight snack run (their hotel doesn't really have the maids the palace does, but oh well. she's left the palace w lucas n athy plenty of times)
felix tags along btw, he knows this trip is important to the girls since they're leaving the palace without their Overprotective Papas™ for the first time and want some sense of independence, but... she's just so smol n he couldn't bear it if anything happens so he just shadows her
she totally knows he's there
n e ways so there's a juice place right beside their hotel which she aims for, but when jennette reaches it, it's closed
and out of nowhere, a voice addresses her - "hey you, do you come here a lot?" she nearly jumps out of her skin at the brunette, relaxing when she sees he's literally a kid around her age and not a murderer lmfaoo "me neither," he continues without waiting for her, pouting at the closed sign, before he asks for her name and whether she's new in arlanta
she confirms that yes, she's only visiting, and refuses to tell the stranger her name, still feeling strange at being addressed as 'you' for the first time (well, minus lucas, but he was like her brother and had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, so)
he eyes her. "you're so weird. i've never seen a girl out so late before, and alone too. are you stupid?"
(felix has his sword out at this point)
she's flushing now and has no idea why she's still out here, but then this stranger kid apparently senses her mood and tells her the best ice cream store in arlanta is not too far away
(he also explains he knows someone who's starts doing weird things when she's hungry as well, and tries to defend that ice cream is actually a healthy midnight snack, "you can just take a healthy flavour like strawberry or mango, mangos are healthy,,right"💀️💀)
so jettie has travelled all the way from obelia, she loves her papa but he would have a heart attack if he found out she was ever awake this late?? yeah bc she's never getting this chance again, jennette accepts the offer
the stranger boy seems to be taking the whole "i'm not telling you my name," thing like a joke, and asks what he should call her since 'you' was getting boring
she goes with "lady j" and like a knight, the boy becomes "sir c"
(felix is on the verge of committing a crime - the princesses can only have one knight, after all)
they walk as the the boy navigates the streets in the dark, and she asks whether he's from the academy, seeing his uniform
"of course i am! you could probably tell bc i look so smart, right?"
she snorts. "yeah, that."
she also comes to know that this guy,,,well he might as well be a tourist? she's out here asking stuff like "oh where's the statue of lady alphia?" or "aren't we really close to the museum where they keep the first emperor's sword?" and he goes "lady do i look like your brochure?? but if you turn right from here there's a cool arcade and across the street from there is the best street food vendor you'll ever eat from."
well at least mans had his priorities straight 😌
"so can you take this off?" he asks, pointing towards her dress once they've neared the store
um???????? sir tf????????????
anyways jettie has been living with lucas n her dad farr too long to not take this the wrong way?? "...no?"
the boy raises an eyebrow "look, it looks like an expensive cloak but i promise i'll return it, alright? i gotta hide my uniform."
ohhhhhhh. 😳.
so she unfastens the cloak and because he's kinda just staring at it cluelessly (he can't even tie his shoelaces fight me), jennette sighs and moves the clothing over his shoulder, fastening it in place at his neck
he's literally a tomato when she looks back up and realises that yes, we are way too close rn
bc she's ana's daughter, jennette by default cannot function when she's flustered. so she kinda stumbles backwards like a fish out of water (years of princess training n etiquette? where art thou??) and 'sir c' has to grab her forearm so she doesn't bump into the pillar behind her smfh
the shopkeep is definitely suspicious of this pair that's definitely too young to be out so late, but chalks it down to his sleeplessness
they escape the store with the ice cream before the shopkeep can ask any questions, and 'sir c' escorts jennette back to her hotel. he climbs onto the roof of the building, helping her up as well
(felix wishes he had a magic stone to capture this moment, this is the first time he's seen jennette become such fast friends with someone)
she stands on the roof (it hurts her butt so she doesn't wanna sit)
"my sister would be so jealous right now," jennette murmurs, "she told me her ideal first date would be either a picnic or something like a moonlit walk. we're having like a moonlit picnic."
it's silent for a few seconds the boy speaks up, "is this a date?"
oh-
oh.
"i mean- i didn't- i don't- uh."
give her some time lmfao she's loading
"i don't really mind that," he tells her, and she thinks she might just walk off the roof in her embarrassment - who just says something like that?? "you're probably feeling really lucky right now, right?"
jennette: ✊😔
he does look pretty in the moonlight, she admits to herself, listening as he excitedly tells her about his siblings at home and how she should send an offering to the gods since they gave her the good fortune to be on a date with the most good looking one of all four of them
in turn, she tells him about how she spent her childhood away from her amazing dad and had gotten closer to him recently, about her sharp-witted uncle, her sister and friends
(the 'friends' section includes felix and he's melting)
she smiles - it's almost as if, at finding out he treasures his family just as much as she does, they've gotten a bit closer
and he tries to listen. jennette had guessed that his temperament was somewhat like her dad's - her dad didn't know how to listen, always making his opinion known before anything else, though she supposes as emperor he could do that
'sir c', on the other hand, tried his best, his blue eyes focused on her as he almost burst from the unsaid words he was holding back, trying to let her finish. the sight was an odd mix of sad and insanely adorable that she couldn't help but let him tell her about everything he couldn't hold in
sensing she could pass out from her exhaustion nearly half an hour later, and 'sir c' escorts her to her window and helps her sneak in bc "what sort of knight would i be otherwise?!"
(felix can't stop shaking the entire night)
the next morning, jennette's heart is pounding as kiel shows her, athy and felix across campus - the chance is low, but still...
"ezekiel!" comes a voice, and the four watch as a turquoise haired boy waves down the alpheus heir "are these the guests you mentioned?"
kiel introduces the trio to johannes vastia before asking, "where's cabel?"
"at the training grounds, he asked if you could bring everyone there so he could show them around there."
"... they're my guests though?"
athy is quick to befriend johannes (i mean she and his sister are practically the same person, so) and at the grounds, jennette's blood runs cold
(so does felix's)
the brunette doesn't notice her at first, arguing with johannes about something as kiel introduces him as cabel ernst
jennette is hyperventilating?? actually back up is this girl even breathing??
cabel ernst from kiel's letters? the 'loud and obnoxious cabel ernst', who gradually turned into 'my acquaintance cabel ernst', then 'hardworking, passionate cabel ernst', and finally 'my friend cabel'?
she'd actually rather admired this slow build of respect between her friend and the ernst boy, and had even expressed her interest to meet him
"this is the first daughter of his highness prince claude de alger obelia, princess athanasia-" cabel mock salutes the princess before his mouth forms an 'o' and he remembers to bow, "-and here's the emperor's only daughter, her highness princess je-"
andddd his eyes widen comically "-hey, lady, it's you?"
yeah jettie is on the brink of literal death - her entire face reddens as this...cabel, grins at her
she watches as he glances behind her, "and you're the guy who was following us - sup?"
felix flinches "...you knew...?"
cabel shrugs. "i mean you do kinda suck ass at the whole subtle thing."
"don't say it like that," jennette retorts, "felix was trying his best."
"princess 😭😭 you knew as well?"
"uhhhh no?"
athy + kiel in a corner: 👁️👄👁️
they watch as cabel's eyes widen all of a sudden and he just,,,runs away
...🐦...🐦...🐦...
yeah well anyway he comes rushing back a few minutes later, a piece of cloth in his hand "...*huff* here *huff*...you go."
athy totally flips out "jennette is that your CLOAK???!??"
"uhhhhh no?"
"um do you realise uncle would literally wage war at this."
and as if it would make everything better,
"i washed it," cabel offers with a grin
"you didn't," the vastia heir deadpans
"i mean, johan helped a little bit."
kiel smiles murderously at the pair. "johan, did you know cabel took the princess out?"
"wait, you're a PRINCESS??"
your honour they aren't very smart
so the group orders some coffee (milk for cabel smfh) to find out what happened, cabel mentions "date" and everything goes to shit again lmfao
kiel and felix scheme against poor cabel while athy n johan get over that stage pretty quick ("listen. MY sister will be living with ME after the marriage and if your friend wants to be with her he'll have to come with us to obelia." and johan's just like "fine by me ✌️😊") and start planning the wedding
cabel + jennette dip n sneak out of the academy again to get the juice they couldn't the night before bc shit is getting awkward here
on another note, our uncle cius' musical intelligence is actually very high - he can probably play more instruments than i can name tbh, but he feels most comfortable singing and i shit you not, this man has straight up an angel's voice
(didn't like singing in front of others coz he was secretly a nerd and only knew old love songs with deep lyrics, athy found out and educated him)
jennette tends to have nightmares often, most often regarding their family - she's seen her father murder her uncle for the throne, and vice versa, athy admitting her affections towards jennette were a front to get the position of crown princess, her uncle killing her to solidify athy's claim, etc - her family is her everything, so despite however many times these horrible scenes play before her, she's left sobbing uncontrollably
and on these nights, she leaves for her father's room, who holds her close and sings her to sleep
also lucas n jennette are like sibling duo# 1,,, jettie is an active lucathy shipper even though he denies it sm - like their dynamic is just peaceful walks in the gardens as she watches the plants n lucas shi talks the nobility and kiel
claude and athy have a thing for each other's sleeping on each other? idk it's weird
athy once fell asleep on the couch while reading with him, and claude moved her head onto his lap so she wouldn't be uncomfy sitting - well, she woke up to his hand absentmindedly raking through her hair and it was just so soothing that whenever she's tired and he's working or reading, she just plops her head on his lap and zzzz
and claude wondered what was up with that, so she proposed they switch roles and he felt so awkward trying to lay down in front of her lmao
obviously athy noticed and she just started reading, thinking he might be more comfortable if her attention isn't on him completely - she ended up reading out loud while playing with his collar and he just,,,passed out
also anastacius has definitely pulled jennette aside regarding the issue of his heir at some point - she had been hesitant at first before admitting she wouldn't like to be the empress at all
i know we'd all love to see empress!jettie and her sister duchess!athy ruling the court, but i really really really can't see her wanting the title?
so thus start athy's empress lessons, but holy shit her teacher is mean
like this man makes me want to bash his face in?? so he doesn't like the idea of athy becoming empress over jennette at all, all bc of both hers and claude's mothers being commoners
he has one of those long ass sticks that you use in presentation to point at stuff?? idk but basically mans has athy name every region, its lords and their vassals during their first lesson
the first time she gets one wrong, she's too shocked as the stick meets the delicate skin of her forearm to react
now the thing is, wmmap!athy would probably stand up against this bc her dad is the emperor and she's his only heir, but i imagine with anastacius' social nature he holds many parties / balls where she's probably heard claude's mom + diana slander and it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to be self conscious abt it (now she's the emperor's heir while jennette, 100% royal + noble blood, is right there which probably makes her feel even less legitimate)
so she endures it, the light marks on her arms as well as the taunts of his she's too smart to not understand - perhaps this is the price to be accepted in jennette's place?
and honestly, no one really notices until at breakfast a few weeks in, where jennette mentions how her dresses are still so modest when sleeveless dresses were more in fashion - ana is suspicious because athy is always on top of these things, societal trends and such, and claude is sus from the way she hesitates slightly in her answer, "i haven't had the time lately, i suppose"
the lesson after focuses on ettiquete since everyone knows she's good at politics and such already, but now tears of frustration are pooling in her eyes because what the hell?? this guy had made an opinion of her long before he even met her, so anything she did would be wrong in his eyes
he gives her a sinister smile, "tired, princess?"
"no," she insists, keeping her voice level. he's about to spout some other nonsense, when anastacius enters the room, taking a seat across from her
anastacius watches quietly as athy answers the teacher's questions in her "public" voice. he watches as her usually cheery disposition is replaced by something far more...dead, despite the front she puts on for him. he's soundless as she hesitates in her answers where she normally would've been louder, more confident. he stops watching in silence when his niece flinches at the sight of the stick
oh.
he interrupts her lesson, not missing the way she winces almost imperceptibly when he grabs ahold of her arm, announcing, "we're going."
he just- it's just that that was the moment he knew for sure - the sight of his niece emotionally disheveled for the first time reminds him too much of how his own brother had once been, and he'd... he'd promised he wouldn't let anyone hurt his family anymore
he ends up taking her to the port with some of his advisors to welcome some royal guests, insisting that she would learn better from experience rather than books - but the guest delegation gets so boring that he sneaks her out of the meeting n they end up in the streets
now athy has no idea where they are, but apparently her uncle does?? ana has his hand on her head as he navigates the streets of the capitol as if he comes here everyday, using magic to casually disguise the two of them
in the meantime?
felix is at the port trying to cover for them smfh, he makes up this huge story about how the great wise emperor wanted to familiarize his heir with the locals, understand her subjects, yada yada
back at the palace prince claude is currently dragging a man by his collar and only upon jennette's insistence does he throw him in prison rather than literally kill him
(jettie visits him later in prison to give the guy a piece of her mind, after felix's visit he's sporting a few noticable bruises and the prisoner is practically unrecognizable once lucas visits)
back to athy + ana, they end up stuffing themselves with some super good street food as anastacius confesses that yes, he has definitely been sneaking out of the palace ever since he was a lil kid
athy almost mentions that she, lucas n jettie sneak out too but that might give him a heart attack, so
"it's so pretty, uncle cius," she says, gesturing towards the necklace he holds up. once he's paid for it, anastacius fists the necklace, opening it to reveal the jewel pendant - now imbued with his magic and replaced with gold lettering of the word athanasia
and she realises that yes, that's what both him and her dad have called her all her life, haven't they?
"you're my heir, athanasia," he uncle tells her with a small smile, "i am proud of that."
getting teary, she tells him, "i'm really proud of you too, uncle cius," triggering a very flustered + blushy anastacius
this mans craves validation - not from the sycophantic nobility, or the obsequious concubines he'd dismissed all those years ago, but from the family he thought he'd neither have nor deserve
and just the acknowledgement is so large for athy - he wants her as his heir, not because she's his niece, but bc he trusts her to look after his hard work after him??? - yeah she's totally bawling her eyes out
anastacius magics her a handkerchief but my mans magic isn't that strong?? lmao he's used up so much by now that the 'handkerchief' turns out to be some scratchy tissues
awkward amirite
nope! athy laughs at that, offering him a sip of her drink as she magics another straw and a proper handkerchief lmfaoo
n e ways so when they return, everyone's shocked to learn that the crown heir, princess athanasia will actually be joining the official circles as anastacius' temporary aid - he doesn't wanna entrust her to anyone but family, and decides that the best way to learn is by his side
(she's so confused bc lucas doesn't normally bat an eyelash when she wears the prettiest gowns, but he deadass can't look her in the eyes when she's in her aid uniform - it's more like a suit than it is a dress)
yes lucas women in suits >>>>>
everyone is STUNNED when at dinner, claude proposes they leave on vacation??
anastacius is just not having it?? like no, this is not my brother, and he throws a grape at claude to check if it's a clone or sum (¿¿how does that work??)
anyays so he ain't no felix, ana's aim is ass and it hits jettie instead
mans nearly gets on his knees to apologise
long story short everyone preps for vacation, but by some aCCiDeNt claude n athy end up at a different destination than jettie n ana, when she suggests returning to the palace to regroup, mans deadass sulks
"so you wouldn't like to spend this time with your father, despite barely visiting my office for weeks?"
o-oh
so at their return, the nobility starts pestering everyone that the princesses aren't independent enough, yada yada idc so to quell this annoyance, to the girls' joy, they get to move into emerald palace together, while claude and ana stay in the ruby and main palaces respectively
literally emerald palace becomes such a cool place to be in since it's the residence of the only decent people in this family, the brothers spend hours going through the requests of maids who want to be transferred
it's such a busy time because of athy joining the court and jettie starting her studies as well - naturally, since she isn't becoming empress, she'll be getting the duchy claude + athy were to be given in the beginning
speaking of futures, jettie's interest in plants and cooking has definitely branched out into herbs
claude notices her tending to a small garden during his visit to athy and even gives her a few tips (he had been studying medical since he was a kid, and picked it up again when athy was born and the empire stablised somewhat)
this soon becomes a routinely thing, and he actually starts reading up on some herbs and even orders a few for her prospering garden
after a month of her learning from books, claude proposes adding a medic as one of her teachers, and turns out his hunch was right?? she's excelling at medicine and they keep it between themselves for the time being
it doesn't last long though, bc they're on a hunting trip when ana injures his leg
and !! this girl istg, she gets to cleaning and wrapping the wound without blinking an eye, as if it's the most natural thing ever, and claude is just smirking while athy and anastacius and literally everyone else: 🌟💞✨jettie✨💞🌟
literal tears coming out of anastacius' eyes "how come my daughter is smarter than me😭💅"
claude: that's not a very high standard, brother
anastacius: ✨suddenly i'm an only child✨
behold, the people in charge of running an empire everyone 👏👏👏
even though jennette is claude's (unofficial) student and athy is her uncle's heir, they both ask their dads to the debutante
yes athy does dance with lucas, anastacius sent him an invitation even though he wasn't a noble (he's an active match maker 😌) and nobody dared question the emperor's special guest
at the end of the night, kiel gives jettie a letter from arlanta - it's an invitation to the academy during holidays, from a certain brunette
when she brings up the subject, felix lets out a squeak and literally everyone goes silent 😭😭
athy n kiel are just out here DARING him to spill them beans
but anastacius takes on look at his excited lil kid and decides that yups, she's going to get everything she wants
a/n: i literally don't know how many parts this should have lmaoo but y'all made it this far!! thanks for reading i hope you liked it<3
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For You: 4 O’Clock
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All This Time
"Honestly, Yesung," I smile as we wrap up at the studio, "I'm gonna miss this. I can't believe this is our first time singing together!" 
"It does seem long overdue, huh?" Yesung grins, sitting back in his chair. "We can always do this again, Lei. I'm happy to see you back in the studio after all this time!"
"You know," I sigh, "I think I am too." 
I hadn't planned to return to S.M. as an artist, but I never quite ruled out the possibility. I guess I find comfort in open endings. When I first went on leave, I started working toward degrees in a variety of foreign languages— the ones I learned as an idol— intending to return to the agency as a translator. 
Then, Yesung sent me a demo of the perfect duet and asked me to sing it with him. Being the perfect husband, Taemin encouraged me to do it. "One song doesn't commit you to a career," he said, so now I am here: reimagining my dream of being an artist. 
The days of nonstop touring and practicing from sunrise to sunset have passed; my priorities are different now. Here in the shade with Yesung, where the light is gentle, I am comfortable. I am not ready to take the next big step. 
"You're glowing, Lei; you were meant to share your voice." Yesung beams at me. 
I want to tell him that I am only reflecting the light he and so many others have shone on me, but I don't get the chance. In his next breath, he asks, "How's our little miracle doing, by the way? Do you think he's expecting tomorrow's surprise party?" 
As fond wrinkles form around Yesung's eyes, my heart swells and overfills with adoration. I shake my head. "No. Obviously, Mom can keep a secret. With time, Taemin has gotten better at holding his tongue. With Lucas, Donghae, and Heechul running around the house, though, it's amazing that the cat is still in the bag. I try not to question miracles." 
"That seems wise," Yesung hums. "Best to enjoy secrecy while it lasts; they still have a full—" he glances down at his watch— "almost a full 24-hours to spoil the surprise!" 
We laugh. Then, a joyful sort of pout— yes, I realize that is some kind of an oxymoron— pulls at my lips. I run a hand through my hair after releasing it from its ponytail. "Can you believe that Tue is turning five?" 
"No!" Yesung's hair falls into his eyes when he shakes his head. "Just like I can't believe that you actually came around calling your son Tue after all those times you scolded Kim and Lucas for using that name!"
"Having two Lucases around gets confusing." I justify my change of heart, shrugging. "Plus, my boy is unique enough to justify that kind of name!" 
Yesung repeats, "Unique," agreeing with a subtle nod. "He reminds me a lot of you, especially now that he's reaching that age you were when we first met." 
It's strange— thinking about how much time has passed— thinking about how some things never change— realizing that some images repeat and replay. 
"Really?" 
Tilting my head, I study my lock screen picture. Lucas took it just last night; he immortalized the moment that Tue sat between me and Taemin at the piano in the den, and I don't know if I have thanked him enough. I squint at the photo as if that will help me see similarities between myself and my son; it doesn't help. 
"I think Tue is a carbon copy of Taemin in appearance and personality," I admit through laughter. "These days, he loves to watch music videos. He can replicate any choreography— and I mean any choreography— after seeing it just once. I've never seen anything like it!" 
Should the agency find out, I sometimes think and spark worry in my gut, they will set their sights on him. 
There it is— the reason why I am so reluctant to return to the stage as an idol: fear of drawing attention to Tue. It was difficult enough when he was born and everybody felt entitled to see him when he was too little to decide whether he wanted to exist under strangers' stares. 
What worries me most, I think, is the fact that I don't know when he will be old enough to make that decision. Five is definitely too young— Taemin and I agree about that, so we take great precautions to protect his privacy. Nobody who knows Tue posts pictures of him on social media; whenever he leaves the house, he wears a mask like we do; as Mom considers early retirement (and therefore takes on fewer group clients), her job has become primarily threatening paparazzi who consider releasing rare photographs of him. 
I have never cared whether people think I'm overprotective. I know too well of the pressures that come with living in the public eye, and I will defend my son from them for as long as I can. Tue is a star, and I know it's just a matter of time until he tries to follow in the footsteps of everybody he loves. I only comfort myself with the thought that it's not happening yet; it's not happening today; it probably won't happen tomorrow. 
"I've seen something like that!" Yesung's boast drags me out of my train of thought. "I don't know if you can still do this— I don't understand child prodigies all that well— but when you were a kid, you could play any song on the piano right after hearing it for the first time. Donghae said teaching you to read sheet music was like pulling teeth because you played everything by ear." 
Knowing that reading sheet music is still not my strong suit, I redden at Yesung's recollection. "Tue can do that too!" I want to brag. "He's the most talented person I've ever known, and he is barely five years old. He's the most gifted person I know, and that's saying something, given how many gifted people I've loved." 
Yesung nudges my ribs. "Why else do you think Henry was so obsessed with you? You both spoke the same piano language!"
"You know," I say, "Henry asked about interviewing Tue for his program about child prodigies."
"Oh yeah?" Although he knows me well enough to predict the answer, Yesung asks, "What did you say?"
"I said that he's welcome to see Tue and play music with him any time," I answer Yesung just as carefully as I answered Henry. "You know that there's nobody I could trust more than you guys— Super Junior— to lead Tue into the entertainment industry, but—" 
I squirm, and my stomach knots. "You know how I am. You know that the thought of sharing Tue— no— not the thought of sharing his talent and his sparkling smile and his sweet voice and his kindness— that's not the problem. I know that the world needs more people like my son. I just—" 
After all this time, my voice still trembles when I think about how cruel strangers are to good people. "I just wonder how well the world treats people like him. I wonder how much the world deserves people like him." 
Yesung rises from his seat to embrace me. His chin rests on the top of my chair. "I don't think anybody understands that anxiety better than your Mom." 
And it happens again: my love for Mom grows. My beautiful Mom. My kind Mom. My Mom who stood in the wings, my Mom who stood comfortably in my shadow. I always thought she was naturally aware of when to hold on and when to let go, but maybe balance was challenging to her too. 
Hearing Yesung describe our shared fear makes me imagine that I have grown to resemble Mom. Tears fill my eyes. I am always sensitive; especially about Mom, and especially around Tue's birthday. 
Before the first tear can fall, he is running to me, crawling into my lap, and holding my face in his hands that are so small, so soft— uncalloused and young. "What's wrong, Mommy?" 
Because the tears evaporate so quickly, I almost believe that they never existed. For a moment, when I cup Tue's rosy cheeks and give him my truest smile, I believe that I have never cried in my entire life. "I was just thinking about how much I missed my beautiful boy! It's all better now that you're here!"
Tue giggles when I push his dark curly hair out of his face and kiss his forehead. He's especially cute these days because he likes his hair long; he likes for the ends to tickle his dimpled chin. 
"I missed you too! I asked Daddy to bring me to see you and Uncle Lucas and—" his eyes— the feature that most closely resembles Taemin's because they contain all of the universe's stars— widen in time with the growth of his smile. "Great Uncle Yesung!" 
Tue transforms into a reincarnation of my childhood self when he abandons all thought in admiration of Yesung. He leaps out of my lap and runs into Yesung's laughing embrace. 
It's beautiful— thinking about how much time has passed— thinking about how some things never change— realizing that some images repeat and replay.
I consider that on my walk to the doorway, where Taemin stands, watching the scene with a smile. His fingers trace absentmindedly at the ribbon on his wrist that hasn't faded with the passage of time. The color hasn't faded since he restored it on that night by the lake. 
"I'm sorry if we interrupted your work," Taemin says softly when he catches me staring. "I told Tue not to just run into the studio, but you know how he gets when he's excited: just a teeny tiny bit disobedient. Or a teeny tiny bit forgetful." 
After teasing, "I wonder who he gets that from," and earning a chuckle in response, I assure Taemin, "You didn't interrupt anything. Yesung and I are done with the song. We just got to talking." 
Maybe Taemin noticed the tears before Tue carried them away, or maybe he hears that longtime blend of anxiety and craving for peace that almost always reveals itself in my voice through our conversations. His brow furrows as he wraps an arm around my waist. "Do you want to talk about it?" 
"Yeah," I answer immediately because I always want to talk about everything with Taemin. I told him once that I would grow to trust him with everything, and I have; for better or for worse, I hold nothing back. Watching Tue throw his head back laughing as Yesung tickles his ribs just below his armpits, right where he knows he's most ticklish, I condition, "Later though. Smiles and laughter for now, please." 
Taemin doesn't press the issue. In the beginning, he was always in such a rush, determined to force intimate conversation, no matter my discomfort. Now, he must realize that there is nothing I will keep from him forever. Now, he must understand that everything will come to light when we lie together under the moon. He no longer races to the rising of the moon or the rising of the sun; he lives in every moment. I admire him for that. 
Taemin smiles and winks at me before fixing his sight on Tue. "Hey little dude," Taemin says during the brief break in Tue's laughter, "Mommy is done for the day, and she wants to hang out with us! What do you wanna do?" 
Tue runs to us from Yesung's side. He reaches for Taemin, knowing well that his father will waste no time in lifting him onto his shoulders. 
"Alright." Taemin squats so Tue can climb on easily and so he doesn't hit his head on the doorframe. It's funny to watch Taemin, who was once spoiled rotten, who is still a bit rotten at the core, literally bending to the will of a small child. "What's the plan, kiddo?" 
Tue wastes no time pretending to think about his dream activity. Although he sees his namesake almost every day, he declares, "I wanna see Uncle Lucas!" 
Trusting that I still memorize my best friend's schedules, Taemin glances at me. Luckily enough, I still know where Lucas is at all times. Some people jokingly call it twin-telepathy, but it's only through my nagging reminders that Lucas ever gets where he needs to be. 
"He's downstairs teaching a dance class with Mark." I look down at my phone again; I couldn't hide my smile at the picture even if I tried. "It should be wrapping up soon, so—" 
Taemin cheers, "Off we go!" and runs toward the elevator. Tue squeals all the way down the hall, and I wish more than anything that I had been ready to record this moment. 
Before following my boys, I linger in the studio to tell Yesung, "Bye! Thank you for everything!" 
"See you tomorrow!" Yesung waves both hands. "You're welcome for everything! Never forget that I'm proud of you!" 
I smile because it is impossible to forget what Yesung has told me since we met.
. . . 
Although Taemin, Tue, and I stand quietly at the back of the room, Lucas notices us immediately. 
"Hey!" His booming clap disrupts the class, and all eyes fall on us. "There's my mini-me!"
It doesn't matter that Tue is identical to Taemin (apart from the wavy hair he inherited from me); Lucas has called him "mini-me" since the day he was born. That's just a consequence of naming my baby after my best friend. It's a consequence I can live with. 
It doesn't matter that Tue sees Lucas almost every day; they always greet each other with wide smiles and open arms as if they have been separated for lifetimes. That's just a result of the bond they share. 
Sometimes, I think that Tue was born not just to fill my every void and fade every scar. He was born to be the best friend Lucas always deserved. He was born to teach Taemin that he is much more than an idol. He makes us better just by existing. I have never loved anyone so much— with my entire heart, my entire soul, with every part of me that has ever existed and will ever exist. 
I run a hand through Tue's hair before Taemin passes him to Lucas. This transition of our most beloved person into the arms of another dear friend occurs without the arguments that gave me headaches at the start. We have accepted it by now: Lucas is Tue's favorite person on the planet. 
I don't care much to challenge that title since it means so much to Lucas and since I know from experience that the role of the mother is special on its own. I don't know much from experience about the role of the father except that its absence painful in more ways than words can describe; I don't know much except its absence leaves a void that most will try to fill with anything; I don't know much except Taemin is doing a good job, and I tell him so every day. 
Now, I tell him by reaching for his hand and lacing our fingers together. This— holding his hand— has always been my favorite act of affection. It's crazy to think that, once upon a time, I would have hesitated— I would have refused— I would have denied the desire to reach for him outside of our hotel room and our home. 
Sometimes, like now, Taemin looks stunned when I touch him. He flinches as if my touch is frozen or scalding or electric, but then he smiles and melts into me a little more. Every time I think we're done melting into each other, when I think that we already blended to create the perfect human being, we take another step together. 
"Hey!" Tue leans over Lucas's shoulder to look him in the eyes. "It's big-me!"
"Sh," I instruct quietly, bringing a finger to my puckered lips. "They're practicing, baby. We're guests, so we have to be quiet." 
Generally, Tue is a well-mannered boy. He just forgets proper etiquette when excited, and nobody excites him quite like Lucas. Turning slightly pink in the face, Tue nods and brings a finger to his puckered lips too. 
Moments of correction are always short-lived because Tue takes instruction well. I wink at him, and he winks back. The thing is— Tue has inherited Mom's lack of facial coordination, so he blinks both eyes. 
The sight makes Taemin laugh. When I was a kid, I would have wanted to cry if someone (especially someone as beautiful as Taemin) laughed at me. Tue's lips don't tremble in preparation for tears, though; his lips curl into a gap-toothed smile. Oh, there's another thing my baby gets from me: a gappy smile! It looks much cuter on him; I almost hope he never corrects it with braces.  
Because Taemin laughed, Tue laughs. He always copies his father. 
Raising my eyebrows, I give Lucas a look that clearly means, "Aren't you supposed to help Mark with this class?" 
Lucas understands. Maybe his understanding is the result of (fake) twin-telepathy or— more likely— it is the result of having known each other for eternities. Securing his hold around Tue, Lucas softly sings, "Priorities change, Lei." 
Because I completely restructured my life for Tue— and that's much more significant than ditching the last five minutes of a dance practice— I can't argue with Lucas. I can only nod. 
At the front of the room, Mark announces, "Alright guys, we're done for the day! Great work!" 
I hope that he hasn't ended practice early because we have caused an interruption, but it's hard to stay worried when Mark's trainees break into excited chatter. The atmosphere in this room is unlike anything I experienced as a trainee. People like Mark, people like Lucas— they have changed this place. They have brought light into the rooms, and I— I think I want to help them. 
Then, I look at Tue, and I know that I don't want him to spend his days sitting alone by the vending machine. I don't want him to spend his days sitting in the corner while I teach trainees. In no way do I resent my childhood; I just want to protect Tue from the loneliness that darkened too many days. 
Life is about finding balance, I think. Balance between Lei the idol and Lei the human. Balance between Lei the fearful and Lei the brave. Balance between Lei the skeptic and Lei the romantic. Balance between Lei the individual and Lei the wife. Balance between Lei the idol and Lei the mother. Balance between Lei of the past and Lei of now. Some of these, I have mastered. Some of these were easier to achieve than others. Some of these are a daily struggle. Some of these remain a mystery. 
I'm trying, though; that's enough for me now. I am proud of who I am now. I am proud of who I will be tomorrow. 
I wave to Mark, thinking that he has always had the best influence on others. Smiling, Mark waves back, calling "Happy Early Birthday, Lucas Tue!" (and receiving a chipper, "Thank you, Mr. Mark Lee!" in response) before I follow my family into the hall, led by Taemin's hand, with the sea of trainees. 
We sit at the table by the vending machine. It's much smaller now than it is in my memories. Maybe that's because I've grown so much; maybe that's because my family fills it with energy so bright that I don't notice the empty seats. 
Sitting in Lucas's lap, Tue asks, "Did you know tomorrow is my birthday?" 
Lucas gasps, "Tomorrow is your birthday?" 
Taemin laughs at how Tue's face contorts in utter bewilderment. His lips part, his brow furrows, and his skin is painted a flustered pink as he whines, "I don't know! Is it?" 
Because everyone has been so quiet in discussing birthday preparations around Tue, he must not realize the date. "Tomorrow is May 29," I tell him, "so you're gonna turn five years old!" I wiggle five fingers toward his face; he laughs when I tap his nose with one of my fingertips, throwing his head back against Lucas's chest. 
"What?!" Lucas cries; Tue laughs harder at the overreaction before Lucas even prods at his ticklish ribs. "Five?! That's crazy, man! That's older than me!" 
Tue sputters, "No— no it's not! You're way— way— way older than five!" 
"I am not!" Lucas argues, dropping his jaw to feign offense. "You know who is way older than five, though?"
As if sharing the same brain cell, Lucas and Tue settle their sights on Taemin, who, tightening his grip on my hand, drops his jaw, taking genuine offense. “I am not! I’m the biggest baby at this table!”
When Taemin crosses his arms over his chest and pouts his pretty lips, nobody thinks to argue. Lucas and Tue snort, failing to contain their laughter at Taemin’s expense. I so badly want to laugh with them, but I want more to kiss Taemin, so I peck at his lips. 
At the kiss, Lucas and Tue do not squeal in disgust like most little boys would; they squeal in utter delight. 
. . . 
It’s hard to find an alone moment with Mom in our full house, but I find one after Taemin and I tuck Tue into bed. Mom is setting up Finding Nemo decorations around the pool. We chose that theme for Tue's party since it's his favorite movie. 
Even wearing her pajamas with her hair tied up in a messy bun, Mom looks beautiful among the moon and stars. "What's going on, Lei?" She drapes a cloth over a fold-out table. "You're wearing your pensive face." 
I try to laugh at myself by saying, "I'm always wearing my pensive face." 
Because I have yet to tell Taemin about my conversation with Yesung, my worries are a tangled knot at the forefront of my mind. It's a messy business, untangling the knot, and it's always easier with Taemin's help. 
Tracing my finger along Nemo's little lucky fin on the table cloth, I prod at the knot on my own. "I'm just wondering how you knew when to hold me close and when to let me stand in the spotlight." 
Mom stills to meet my eyes. "I know I wasn't perfect," she prefaces. When I try to disagree, she interrupts. "I'm human, Lei. I did the best I could, but I know I could have been better. Anyone can see through hindsight, in any situation, that they could have been better. They should have been better." 
Mom has this way of speaking that nobody can replicate. She acknowledges faults and shortcomings through a lens that is never degrading, never belittling. She looks at the past in such a light that does not inspire regret but instead inspires a better tomorrow. 
I admire Mom for that. I want to be like her. After all this time, I have not grown out of aspiring to be like Mom. 
"When I think about how you used to sit alone at that table by the vending machine before Lucas walked into your world; when I think about how you used to cling to the wall in the corner of every room; when I think about how I used to hear you crying in your room at night when you thought I was asleep— when you thought your radio was loud enough to drown out your tears with SHINee's voices—"
Mom's voice wavers, and her gaze crashes onto the table. Now that I see her so affected by past pains even in the happiest stage of life to date, I understand: it was never easy for Mom. She just carried the burden where I couldn't see it. 
"I always wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered if the spotlight found you because you walked into it or because I nudged you toward it. When you became a trainee and Donghae told me that Sehun said people were being cruel to you—" Mom bristles— "you don't know how much I wanted to pull you out of the agency. You don't know how badly I wanted to take you and hide you someplace where nobody could hurt you. But—"
Mom laughs— genuinely laughs— when I wrap my arms around her, thinking, knowing that a place without pain does not exist (at least not on earth). It's enough that she wanted to take me there, I think. It's enough that she wanted that place to exist for me. 
She asks, "Do you know that part in Finding Nemo where Dory tells Marlin, 'Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him'?"
I nod. Even though Tue often falls asleep in my lap by that part of the movie, I know it well.
"Quickly— maybe instantly— I realized that you are too special not to share with the world." Mom cups my face with both hands. She kind of pinches my cheeks because they are still full; they still make me look very much like a child. "This world would be a sadder, duller place without your light shining in it. I decided that if anyone out there tries to dampen your light— well—" 
Mom smiles, so I smile too. 
"I would work a million times harder to keep it burning."
. . .
When I tell Taemin about my conversation with Yesung in the studio and my conversation with Mom under the moon, he says, "That's all very beautiful, baby. It almost makes me want to cry. But I still think Tue is way too young to be an idol." 
I have almost drifted to sleep with my head on Taemin's chest because the steady beat of his heart has always been one of my greatest comforters. I lift my head to narrow my eyes at him. "How did you gather from any of that that I want our son to be an idol?" 
Taemin squints, trying to make out my features in the dark. "I don't know! It just seemed like you were coming to terms with letting him wander into the spotlight, and I thought maybe it was my turn to be the voice of reason!" 
Even without the slightest aid offered by the pale moonlight, I would see the smirk curling his lips. "The last time I was the voice of reason was during our first New Year when you dropped your dress—"
"Let it go, Taemin!" I chastise, wondering how and why I let his sentence get that far before rolling my eyes. "That happened how many years ago?" 
"I don't know. Time is all relative anyway." Taemin probably feels like some kind of genius or the mysterious picture of a soulmate he was at the beginning. "It happened how ever many years ago, and it's still one of my favorite memories! It never fails to make me smile." 
I shake my head and lay on my back beside him. "We're way off track. Anyway, I completely agree: Tue is too young to be an idol. The agency wouldn't even let him audition until he turns ten. Even then, I'm not going to suggest that he audition. I'm not going to actively nudge him anywhere near that path." 
Moments pass in silence. Taemin rolls onto this side to trace patterns on my stomach. In addition to calming me, this gentle affection helps him organize his thoughts.
"I think we should cross that bridge when we come to it," he says, as usual. "Obviously, I want to support him in anything he wants to do. I won't really know how to help him if he wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, but— well— think of how much we can guide him if he wants to follow in our footsteps." 
Taemin makes a good point. Having two idol parents might make Tue a target for bullies— I know that having a manager for a mother made me one— but cruel people will justify their actions with any excuse. What makes Tue stand out could double as a strength; I know having my particular mother made me stronger. Similarly, Tue could turn to me and Taemin and Mom and Lucas and his entire network of well-wishing idols for advice, and we would all be equipped by our experiences to help him in some way. 
"I'm so glad I have you." I roll onto my side so that my face is level with Taemin's and I can clearly see the night sky reflected in his eyes. "You embody that perfect balance between listening and advising. You always have. I love you so much for that. I always have." 
He smiles, and my heart flutters. "I'm glad I have you too. Thank you for trusting me and listening to my advice. I love you so much for that. I always will." 
Taemin creates the perfect atmosphere for honesty. With a glance, he encourages me to carry my darkest thoughts into the light. It feels like he is carrying them with me; they are less heavy this way. That's why I admit, suddenly on the verge of tears, "I'm afraid that I haven't made my love for Tue clear enough."
I have rarely cried since taking a break from being Lei the idol. My outburst must send Taemin back in time to the very start when I first cried to him under the moon's watch— to the night when the moon became ours. Back then, he was so careful. He resisted the destined desire to touch me, to embrace me, because he didn't want to frighten me. Now, he moves instantly, instinctively, to hold me. 
His lips meet mine for a second. After just a second, he tries to part, but I need him. I need him, and that hasn't scared me in so many moons. I need him, and I bring him back down to me and hold him here until we have kissed most of my worries away. 
We always keep a few worries because Taemin says they keep us safe. He thinks my talent for spotting danger is, in moderation, one of our greatest strengths. I'm good at seeing a storm cloud from a million miles away; Taemin is good at making a hurricane feel like an overdue summer drizzle. That's why we are the greatest team to ever exist. 
"Tue knows you love him," Taemin assures me in a whisper against my lips. "Anyone who knows you— anyone who knows us knows that we weren't really breathing until Tue took his first breath."
That's not to say that life wasn't worth living before Tue existed. Just like my life was as happy as it could have been before Lucas, and it was happier once he laughed and painted the world anew; just like my life was as happy as it could have been before Taemin, and it was happier once he handed me the moon; my life was as happy as it could have been before Tue, and it was happier once he breathed. 
Tue's breath gave me every beautiful wonder I never knew existed— the heavenly traces on earth that nobody can see with the naked eye until they have seen and felt and loved their child. 
"Does the world know?" My mouth hurts from frowning. "These past five years— have we done the right thing by keeping Tue off of social media? The agency issued the briefest statement about him, like, a week after he was born, and I don't even know if they mentioned his name. Mom deletes all leaked traces of him from the internet. Any time interviewers are bold enough to ask you about him, the agency pressures the network to cut the clip." 
They do all of these things at our request. 
Taemin wipes the tears spilling from my eyes as I wonder, "When Tue gets older, what will he think about the fact that his parents said nothing about him where the world could hear?" 
"Hopefully he'll understand that his parents loved him enough to protect him until he was old enough to protect himself," Taemin answers in a tone that does not belittle my fears in his effort to quell them. "It's not like you've been active on social media at all these past five years, Lei. If Tue ever asks, and I doubt he will, we can explain that you spent all of your time with him while I—"
Taemin's voice falters. 
One of his biggest insecurities— maybe you could call it a regret— is that while I walked away from my career the moment I felt Tue's life, he hadn't deviated much from the course he had been on most of his life. I never pressured Taemin to make a career shift in any direction; at every opportunity, I expressed my belief that there is no right or wrong move when finding the balance between family life and work. Needs vary, and I believe that people can adapt to almost any situation. 
Taemin's pace has changed somewhat over time. Early morning practices with Jongin became scarce after Tue was born; now, they are almost obsolete. He says that he likes to be home for breakfast and early morning cartoons. 
He isn't as excited about promoting abroad when Tue and I can't tag along. As you can probably imagine, some trips cannot function as family vacations. He swears that video calls before bed are not enough to fill the void in his day when we aren't there. 
He doesn't look forward to awards ceremonies like he once did. We agreed that Tue shouldn't attend events where strangers' cameras abound. He says that even if we did attend, he would be expected to sit with his group, not with us. 
The studio isn't his second home anymore. Whenever he has to stay later than expected, he comes home with a million apologies, a bouquet of roses for me, and a new toy for Tue. At this point, Tue has an entire colony of plush Nemos on his bed; he sleeps cuddling every single one. It doesn't matter how often I tell him that he has nothing to apologize for; he apologizes and apologizes and I know he will apologize again. 
I know that he feels torn between his roles as Taemin the idol, Taemin the husband, and Taemin the father. I just don't know how to help him. He made so little time for Taemin the human being that, sometime during the first week of May, he had some kind of emotional breakdown at the studio that compelled SHINee to delay the release of their new album. 
Deciding that he didn't want anybody to blame Taemin for the postponement, Jinki offered to take the heat. He told Mom, "Issue a statement claiming that I'm suffering from a gluteal strain after an impromptu breakdancing battle!"
Jinki's Rationale for the Gluteal Strain Story:
"The key is to tell a lie so outrageous that nobody can doubt it! Nobody will question a story about a literal pain in the butt!"
Anyway, that's why Taemin and I have swapped roles lately. He is taking his first break from being an idol to spend time with Tue. While they watch movies and play the piano and work through those online pre-school activities, I am dipping my toes back into the world of recording. I don't know yet what I will do in terms of a career, but I know that Taemin will return to the stage revitalized. He is remarkably resilient, born to shine. 
Knowing I can't alter Taemin's self-perception, I card my fingers through his hair and praise him anyway. "Taemin, Tue learns so much about hard work, passion, and dedication from you. He truly admires you in the purest way. He doesn't see the distinction between his father and his idol because you fulfill those responsibilities so well—so much better than I ever could— so much better than I was willing to try." 
I kiss the crown of Taemin's head as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. "We're so proud of you. Don't forget that." 
"Thank you," Taemin mumbles against my skin. "I haven't forgotten. I just— I'm so proud of you for being Tue's mom, but I'm sorry if I pressured you to walk away from your dreams to carry my weight here—"
"Taemin." I nudge him until he looks down at me with wide apologetic eyes. "You didn't pressure me into anything. You didn't pressure me into anything at all." 
He looks unconvinced, judging by his pout, so I explain, "I have so many dreams! To be a genuine artist, to be a loving daughter, to be a reliable friend, to be a comforting wife, to be an inspiring Mom." 
I wrap my arms around Taemin's waist and hug him closer. "I heard once that growing up is a process of letting your dreams die one by one, but I disagree. Every day that I'm with you, I discover a new dream I don't think I have to choose one over all the others. I just have to find balance. And we'll find it together; that's what we always do." 
Finally, Taemin smiles. I smile. We can breathe again. 
He lays against me, and our chests rise and fall together. We melt a little more, and I— I can't tell where he ends and I begin. I can't remember a time when we were separate beings. I don't ever want to remember. 
"Do you want me to go on Instagram live to say that my wife and son are everything to me? Or should I air footage of one of Tue's baby albums? Or should I post videos and pictures from life with you these past five years? Or should I read our story where anyone can hear?"
Between each question, Taemin has kissed me. His lips hover over mine as he begs, "Tell me what to do, Lei. Tell me how to make your dreams come true, and I'll do it. I'll do anything." 
He doesn't understand that I am already living my dream. I don't know how to make him understand. 
"Just kiss me again," I instruct softly. Sweetly, Taemin complies. "And let's think about something special we can do to love our son on his birthday."
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When Taemin and I tiptoe into his room early the next morning, we expect to find Tue fast asleep, snoring into his pillow while clutching a Nemo plushie. Instead, we find him lying with his belly against the floor, kicking his bare feet int he air while doodling on a piece of paper. 
While Taemin sits before Tue, I sit beside him and ask, "Can I see your drawing, baby?" 
Tue has never denied me access to his art before. I love seeing the smile that curls his lips whenever I express interest in his creativity. "Yep!" His enthusiastic nod sends his unruly morning curls flopping. "But I'm not just drawing something, Mommy." 
Taemin's brow furrows as he tries to decipher Tue's handwriting. He is at a disadvantage because a.) from where he sits, Tue's letters are upside down, b.) the note is written entirely in English, which still isn't Taemin's strong suit, and c.) Tue has chosen to write with the palest yellow crayon in his arsenal. 
Sweetly, Taemin asks, "What is it?" Leaning forward, he sets his elbows on the hardwood floor and props his chin in his hands. 
Tue delights in the opportunity to explain anything from why he thinks the sky is blue to why he thinks roses are the prettiest flowers to why Finding Nemo is the best movie ever. His face lights up at Taemin's question.
"It's a letter to Mr. Mark Lee!" Tracing his little fingers along his letters, Tue reads, "Thanks for saying 'Happy Birthday' yesterday. I forgot my birthday. You didn't. You make me very happy!" 
Tue turns the paper so Taemin can read it. "And look! I drew me here and Mr. Mark Lee here, and we have big smiles and party hats!"
When Tue gives Taemin his gappy smile, I can't contain myself. While Taemin takes the paper from Tue's hand, my heart explodes as I pull Tue onto my lap. Holding him around the waist, I pepper his forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin with kisses; he giggles all the while. 
"You're the sweetest boy in the whole world, Tue!" I boast, and he beams at the praise. "Who taught you how to write 'Thank You' notes?" 
"I dunno!" He shrugs his shoulders. "Probably you or Daddy. You and Daddy teach me everything!" 
I raise my eyebrows, giving Taemin this look that means, "I told you so. He knows that you're a great father. I told you so!"
Taemin probably doesn't notice. He smiles at Tue as he returns the paper to his baby soft hand. "You're going to give this to Mr. Mark Lee the next time you see him, right? I bet getting a letter like this would make him very happy." 
At that suggestion, Tue's face burns crimson. In many ways, he is one of the most confident, outgoing people I have ever known; in others, he is even more bashful than I have ever been. In five years of knowing him, I have yet to figure out how he manages that degree of duality. Considering that Tue is forever charming — whether bold or shy — I am inclined to believe duality is another quality he inherited from Taemin. 
As he leans into me and hides his face in my shirt, Tue entrusts his paper to my hand. "Can you give that to Mr. Mark Lee, Mommy? I want to make him very happy, but I can't give it to him! I just can't!
Maybe I should gently nudge Tue out of his comfort zone, especially since there is nothing to fear about approaching Mark. Maybe I should take this chance to teach him that self-expression is nothing to be embarrassed about. I can't do it, though. As precious as he looks with rose-colored cheeks, I can't darken my baby's blush. 
"I'll give it to him," I promise, urging him to lift his head to meet my bright smile. "He'll love it! Now go to Daddy, alright? He's gonna help you get dressed." 
Looking down at his pajamas donning Nemo's face, of course, Tue pouts. He crosses his arms. He really looks and sounds like Taemin when he whines, "I don't wanna get dressed!"
"Well, you have to," Taemin says as he scoops Tue into his arms. Carrying him to the closet, Taemin responds to Tue's whines, "If you don't get dressed, I can't take you to your surprise!"
As I walk to the door, I hear Tue squeal, "Surprise?" Taemin laughs at his reaction. Tue's squeal and Taemin's laugh are the reasons why I smile when I walk downstairs to tell everybody that the birthday boy is on his way. 
. . . 
I push the curtains aside and from my side of the kitchen window, I watch Donghae carrying Tue on his shoulders in the pool. Following Mom's instruction to "Behave! At least around the baby!" Heechul stands beside them, donning a smile for Lucas's camera. 
The sight is especially comforting considering how annoying Donghae and Heechul were at the beginning. Apparently, when nobody was listening, Heechul told Tue, "Call me Grandpa, and call him—" he pointed a finger at Donghae— "Grandpa 2." 
Tue was too young and too sweet to understand that Heechul was up to his old shenanigans of competing with Donghae, so he followed the instruction faithfully, much to Donghae's dismay. 
"Don't worry," Tue said to Donghae's frown, flashing him a big toothy smile. "I'm a 2 too!"
I wish I or Mom or Lucas— since he has appointed himself the family photographer— had recorded the smile Tue sculped onto Donghae's face. I would love to carry a picture of it with me so I could show it to you and everybody I meet, saying, "This is my son's mark on the world, and it's the most beautiful mark anybody has ever made. He is five years old, and he has never hurt a living creature. He is five years old, and he makes smiles wherever he goes." 
My mental images of Tue's gappy smile and those he leaves in his wake are among my most prized possessions. I am admiring them when Mark walks in through the back door, carrying an empty bowl. 
His eyes widen as if he has interrupted something. He beelines to the refrigerator, muttering, "Your mom said there's more watermelon in the fridge." 
Glancing down at the platter of snacks I have assembled, I frown at the utter lack of watermelon. "I should have known that we would need more watermelon with you and Tue eating at the same place at the same time." 
Mark laughs, dropping the empty bowl into the sink. "Well, what can I say?" He grabs the bowl of sliced watermelon Mom prepared last night and tosses a slice into his mouth. "Little man and I have good taste!"
"Speaking of little man—" I smile at Mark's nickname for Tue as I close the refrigerator door and point to a pinned paper— "he wrote this for you." 
After setting the bowl onto the counter, Mark takes the page into his hand. He doesn't have to squint to make out the letters. "He's writing 'Thank You' letters? To me? At five years old?"
I can't help but smile at Mark's awestruck expression. "You made his day, and I guess he wanted you to know."
Mark's slack-jawed expression transforms into a radiant smile. "Can I keep this?" 
"It's for you," I repeat, nodding, "so I think you're supposed to keep it. See the little faces at the bottom?" Mark nods, so I explain, "The artist says the big one is you and the little one is his latest self-portrait." 
Mark smiles at the paper once more before folding it into his pocket. As we grab our snacks, we walk together to the back door. We stop once Mark asks, "Before we go back outside, can I ask you something?" 
"Yeah." There's something petrifying about Mark's quiet voice, so I hope my smile will encourage him to speak up. "What's up?" 
"You know how I'm working with the trainees?" When I nod, Mark continues, "As far as I'm concerned they're all set talent-wise. I only really work with them on dancing and rapping— Taeil is the vocal instructor." 
Based on what I saw in the final five minutes of dance practice yesterday, I agree. It seems that the trainees get better with each generation. "They seem like they will make excellent artists one day." 
"They will!" Mark beams, seeming as proud of his trainee's progress as he is of his own achievements. "I've been thinking about how else I can help them grow, and I think maybe we should spend time talking about, like, emotional wellbeing."
"That sounds like a good idea." I, for one, could have benefited from learning about that as a trainee. 
"I'm glad you think so," Mark says slowly, "because I kind of want you to help me with those conversations." 
My jaw drops. "Me?" By no means have I ever considered myself an expert on emotional wellbeing. "Why?"
Mark's head goes aslant; he looks at me as if challenging me to look at myself. "When I think of strength, I think about how you carried yourself in training when those girls were mean to you. I think about how you stayed best friends even when people watched you and whispered. I think about how you didn't fall apart when the media used to speculate about the idol who never debuted. I think about how you held your head high when people criticized you for dating, then marrying, then having a baby with Taemin. But mostly— " Mark smiles — "I think about how you changed your whole life for Lucas Tue. I can't think of anyone better to teach the trainees that as much as we love music, as much as we love being idols, there is a lot more to life than the spotlight." 
I blink, wondering how, when, and why Mark became so well-spoken. My gaze falls onto the snack platter in my hands. "I— I don't know how to teach anybody that." 
Mark sighs, dejected, and I compulsively admit, "But I want to learn. I would love to learn, Mark."
Before Mark can reply, Tue runs in through the open back door, asking, "Mommy, where—" 
His voice falls flat as his eyes widen at the sight of Mark. "Mr. Mark Lee," Tue stutters, "I— I—" 
Before Mark can reply, Tue runs back outside. 
Mark looks at me, raising his eyebrows. "What did I do?"
Making my way out the door and into the summer sun, I explain, "He's being bashful because of that letter. He gets into shy moods from time to time." 
"Oh, okay." As we set our snacks onto the table, Mark asks, "Wait, did I hear you right? Did you mean that you would help me with the trainees?" 
From their sunchairs nearest to the snack table, Lucas and Taemin look up. Tue has concealed his flustered face against Taemin's chest, and he doesn't perk up at the sound of Mark's voice; he retreats further into Taemin's embrace. 
Taemin meets my eyes. Although he is reluctant to pressure me with vocal encouragement, he offers a gentle smile that seems to whisper, "Go for it. You can do anything." 
Lucas, true to who he has always been and always will be, is much louder about his support. He lowers his sunglasses. "Wait, you're gonna help me and Mark with the trainees? As in, we're having a mini ot8 SuperM reunion?" 
Mark glances at me with apologetic eyes as he pops another slice of watermelon into his mouth. Once upon a time, I think I would have glared at anyone for putting me on the spot like that. Depending on who it was, I might have even scolded them. I can't bring myself to scold Mark, though; I can't bring myself to glare at him, and I don't want to try. 
"I'll help," I decide easily, "in any way I can." 
I guess I don't want to disappoint Mark's perception of me; I want to live up to it. I guess I want to believe Yesung— that I am meant to share my voice. I guess I want to believe Mom—  that I can make the world a happier, brighter place with my light shining in it. I guess I want to be to the trainees who Mark is to them, who Mom has always been to me: someone who works a million times harder than the light dampeners to keep their light burning. 
Tue lifts his head from Taemin's chest to cheer, "You can do it, Mommy! You're the best helper!"
As I sit by his side, Taemin raises his eyebrows, giving me a look that means, "I told you so. He knows you perfectly. I told you so." 
"Thank you, baby," I wink at Tue. I whisper in his ear, "Mr. Mark Lee loves your letter, by the way." 
Tue smiles and lays his head back on Taemin's chest. When he closes his eyes, he looks exhausted. I think he falls asleep in an instant.
Lucas follows Mark to the pool, I think, for fear of waking Tue with his booming voice. Thus, Taemin and I are alone with our son again, even at the bustling party hosted in his honor.
Taemin asks, "Are you happy today?" in a voice so quiet that I think he's whispering sweet nothing to our sleeping boy until his eyes rise to meet mine. "I remember you said, once upon a time, 'Life doesn't always go as planned, and I think that's okay as long as you like where you end up.' And I'm wondering again if you like where you ended up— if you like where you're going next." 
My heart always flips when Taemin quotes our story. "I recall saying, 'Anywhere with you is where I want to end up.'" I reach for Taemin's hand— the one closest to me, the one that isn't secured around Tue. "I still feel that way, Anywhere with you is where I want to go next." 
Taemin flashes a sparkling smile before puckering his lips, wordlessly daring me to kiss him. Because I am no coward, I accept the dare before he can even blink. And just when I think that this moment is too beautiful to pass, I hear it. 
The snapping of Lucas's camera capturing us in a photograph.
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