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starryxnightt · 2 years

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Loving and Forgetting

Summary: In which Avery thinks it’s time for Suresh to let go.

Warnings: spoilers for episode 8, angst

Word count: 3.3k

Read it on ao3

Avery is in a deep sleep when she is suddenly awoken by the familiar chime of her phone. She hears a groan from a few beds over and blindly searches for it. Squinting slightly at the bright light in the otherwise dark room, she reads the text.

Avery, it’s time to get your graft on- you’ve been chosen to go on a date with a new islander, Grayson! #newbeginnings #beachbreakfast

Her eyes widen slightly when she processes the words. A new islander? And she was the first person in the villa to get to know him? Talk about perfect timing. There was nothing that Avery wanted more than to get away from the villa, and more specifically Suresh, to collect her thoughts. These last few days were so emotionally draining with Suresh’s constant presence around her and all the drama that he carried with him. Everyone had asked her how she felt about her situation, and that was the problem. She didn’t know. How could she when she wasn’t given the time to process any of it? A date is exactly what she needed.

As quickly and as quietly as she could, Avery slips out of her bed and makes her way into the dressing room. She changes in her black floral bikini, throwing on a pair of jean shorts over her bikini bottoms. Albeit a little shaky from her nerves, Avery does her light make up and takes her hair out of the braids she slept in. She had to admit, she looked good. Feeling confident in her appearance, she strides out of the villa and into a nearby car, all the other islanders still fast asleep.

On the way to the beach, Avery can’t help but wonder if this boy will be her saving grace. She was in need of a fresh face in the villa, one that wasn’t so invested in her relationship with Suresh. That was the last thing she wanted to think about. Not only that, but Avery wonders if the public voted for her to go on the date or if Grayson himself chose her. She didn’t know which she wanted to be true. If he hadn’t picked her, Avery would be well disappointed, but she had hoped that he would be good company anyway. However, if Grayson had chosen her for his date, she worried that perhaps that she wouldn’t be as into him as he would be with her. That maybe she wasn’t as over Suresh as she had pretended to be. And facing that feasible reality terrified her. She didn’t have time to think about Suresh and where they stood. Avery physically shakes out her anxiety as she arrives at her destination.

Sitting on a picnic blanket close to shore is one of the fittest men Avery has ever laid eyes on. He’s tall, tanned, and has got slightly messy curly brown hair with a scruffy yet well kept beard. He appeared to be like a proper boy next door, and Avery was surprised how close he was to her physical type. Her breath catches slightly in her throat as she takes him in. Based on his looks alone, Avery was definitely interested.

Grayson sees her approaching and stands politely to greet her. “Good morning! I’m Grayson, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” He wraps his muscular arms around her in a quick friendly hug. Avery hugs him back and detects a whiff of his woodsy cologne.

“Nice to meet you, Grayson. I’m Avery.” She gives a flirty look while holding eye contact. Avery notes his beautiful green eyes and bright smile. She was a sucker for a nice smile.

“Shall we?” Gesturing towards the blanket, Grayson sits down and proceeds to hand Avery a mimosa.

To say the least, Avery’s head had turned quite rapidly into her date with Grayson. He’s kind, funny, charming, and understanding. She learns that he's 26, a year older than she is. He works in real estate at a family firm. He has an older brother and a younger sister and lives alone in a flat in London. He came to Love Island looking for someone to spend his life with or at the very least, to meet new people. On top of that, he was the one to choose her for the date. But most importantly, Grayson tells her bluntly that she doesn’t have to talk about Suresh if she doesn’t want to, and he’d never bring up the subject if that’s what she wanted. That sentiment alone nearly had her swooning on the spot. Avery felt so comfortable with him, like she had known him for her whole life. She finds herself smiling, blushing, and laughing, feeling the most at ease she has in over a year. To be honest, Avery didn’t think of Suresh once during her time with Grayson.

Much sooner than Avery and Grayson wanted, their date comes to an end, and the pair find themselves back at the villa.

Avery glances at the villa doors then up at Grayson. “You nervous?”

“A little bit, yeah. Obviously I’ve seen things on the telly so I know things here and there, but it’s going to be weird to actually meet everyone, you know?”

“Don’t worry. Of course they’re gonna like you. I mean how could they not?Come on.” Avery grabs Grayson’s hand and gives a comforting squeeze, turning her head to flash him a reassuring smile. Walking ahead of him, she tugs on his arm faintly, sliding her hand down to grasp his. “Maybe not as much as me, but it is what it is.”

Grayson chuckles lightly, eyebrows raised in interest. “Oh, so you like me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Avery replies, playing coy. Shaking his head in amusement, Grayson follows Avery into the villa and then promptly into the kitchen where the others are. He keeps his hand firmly in hers the entire time.

“For the record, I like you.” Grayson discloses. Avery looks up at him and beams, her cheeks reddening.

“Avery! There you are! We were wondering where you disappeared to!” Eddie notices the unfamiliar boy next to her. His eyes widen slightly in shock but quickly hides it. “And who’s this you brought with you?” Everyone’s attention shifts to her.

“Hey everyone! This is Grayson.”

The islanders come over to greet Grayson while Avery takes a step back to observe, basking in the happiness she now feels. She knows she has a goofy grin on her face, but she can’t help it. Avery believes that things with Grayson could go somewhere special. For the first time in a while, Avery feels hopeful. She couldn’t blame herself for being excited.

While Kat and Eddie rush off to give Grayson a tour of the villa, the rest of the islanders stay back to talk. Grayson gives her a smile before Kat practically drags him away to the bedroom.

With a look of excitement on her face, Dana turns to Avery as the others chat amongst themselves. “So?”

“So what?”

“Tell us how your date went! Are you into him?” Dana blurts out. Avery is suddenly aware that the kitchen has gone silent as everyone waits for her answer. She can feel Suresh look at her intently. She doesn’t look in his direction.

“Well… To be honest, yeah he is a bit of me.” Suresh shifts uncomfortably in the corner of her eye. Dana squeals, appearing to be overjoyed at the news. “The date went really well. We sat on the beach and had some drinks and just got to know each other. He’s got great chat, and there’s definitely a spark there. So yeah I think I’d be interested in seeing if there’s something there beyond that.”

“How exciting! I hope it all works out for you, Avery. Know you need a good lad who treats you well.” Finn grins at her warmly, shooting her a friendly wink. Avery returns his playful glance but she can’t help but notice the look on Suresh’s face. It was one of defeat and regret. Jealousy and sadness. Longing and despair. Good. He deserved it, especially since he had said a few days prior that he would be happier if he had forgotten her.

There was no point in lying and saying that Avery wasn’t hurt by what Suresh had revealed that day because she was. It hurt more than she ever wanted to admit. It had replayed in her mind since, haunting her and never allowing for a quiet moment. Maybe I would be. There was such finality in his voice. Like he had come to the realization that she wasn’t worth all the trouble that he had swore up until that point in the villa that she was. That he had believed their connection and relationship was worth all that and more. Apparently not.

Avery didn’t understand how he could change his mind so quickly. One minute he was practically begging her for another chance, for her to see that he could be the man she deserved and the next he was saying that he wanted to forget her. His hot and cold routine was exhausting and confusing. She was exhausted. And to be frank, before the whole situation there was a small part of her that was willing to give him another shot. Blame it on pure stupidity or her being a hopeless romantic, but there was always something deep down inside of her that wanted to be with him. A side of her that believed that he was different and that their relationship could still be as perfect as it was before, not that she would ever tell him. But now? Now there wasn’t even the smallest sliver of her that still held the candle for him, and it was nobody’s fault but his own.

To make things worse, he hadn’t spoken to Avery since his admission. He didn’t pull her aside the next day to apologize like she thought he would. He didn’t talk to her when they had gotten a text saying that a recoupling was to happen the following day. He didn’t speak to her on the day of the recoupling to see where her head was at. He didn’t utter a word when she got first pick and chose to couple with Eddie, and Dana recoupled with him. He didn’t say anything to her in the three days that followed the recoupling.

And somehow, it’s now been five days since they had even acknowledged each other, let alone talked.

However, Avery didn’t miss his private smile after Dana had said his name at the recoupling. He seemed happy as he confidently strode over to her and gave her a peck on the lips that lasted a second too long, instead of on the cheek like she had done with Eddie. He sat down next to her and put his arm securely around Dana’s shoulder just like he used to do with Avery when they were dating. Avery also didn’t miss how well they seemed to get on, laughing loudly during their chats and giving each other not so subtle looks from across the room as the islanders hung out together. And most of all, she didn’t miss how he had spooned Dana while they slept peacefully in their bed one morning when she woke up earlier than everyone else. It was a curse to know Suresh so well in those moments because she knew that none of their actions were staged for her benefit. None of it was a ploy to get Avery to realize what she was missing. Suresh and Dana were genuinely getting along quite well, and it was hard for Avery to see it all unfold right in front of her. At first, she told herself that it was only because he was her ex and watching an ex move on would be weird for anyone. As the days went on though, she realized it was because he had dropped her in a matter of seconds and had seemed to forget about her in that time too, just as he had wanted. He replaced her like their relationship meant nothing to him.

Maybe Avery meant nothing to him.

“Hey, Avery?” Suresh breaks Avery out of her thoughts, now standing next to her. “Can we talk for a second?”

She can’t help the animosity that spills out of her mouth. “There’s nothing I have to say to you.” Suresh barely suppresses the flash of pain in his eyes.

“Please?” His tone is desperate, and it throws Avery off guard. She’s never seen nor heard him like that before.

“Fine. You get five minutes, and that’s it.” He looks relieved he as nods wordlessly and leads her to the daybeds. Avery places herself on the edge of the bed with a respectable gap between them, one that was never there before, even when they first came into the villa. Suresh notices and stares at the mountain of space that separates them. It was clear he was hurt by her physically distancing herself from him, yet she didn’t know how she should feel about it. She would never hurt him intentionally, but that didn’t change that he had done that time and time again to her. “Well? Are you going to say something?” Avery snaps, aware that her pent up frustration was about to bubble over. She could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to find the right words to say.

“Did you mean what you said?” Suresh asks quietly, staring at his hands clasped together in his lap. He was obviously nervous. It was so unlike the usual cool, confident, cocky Suresh she was almost too familiar with.

Cocking her head to the side, Avery looks at him with indisputable confusion written on her face. “What do you mean?”

“When you said that you want to get to know the new boy. Did you mean that?”

“So you haven’t spoken to me in nearly a week, and you think you have the right to ask me that? Are you joking?”

“Just answer the question, Avery.”

“Of course I did. Why would I lie about that?” Avery knew where this conversation was headed, and she wished that she stood her ground and refused to speak to him in the first place.

“I don’t know. To make me jealous? To get pay back for everything I’ve done to you?” He throws his hands up marginally in frustration and finally turns to look at her. His voice raises slightly with anger. Avery feels her own irritation surfacing as a result.

“I know it may be hard for you to believe, but not everything I do revolves around you, Suresh. I like Grayson a lot, and I want to explore where that could lead me. What I do is none of your business. Plus, what does it even matter? You’re coupled with Dana now anyway.”

“That isn’t going to go anywhere.” He states matter-of-factly.

She rolls her eyes and lets out a huff of annoyance. Like she could ever believe that. “Oh really? And why is that?”

Suresh catches Avery’s eyes and holds her gaze. She shifts uncomfortably at the intensity they carry.

“Because she isn’t you.” And just like that the spell is broken almost as quickly as it began.

“Wow.” Avery says sarcastically, almost laughing at the absurdity of his confession. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

Suresh repeats her previous question. “And why’s that?”

“Because! The last time you acknowledged me you admitted that you’d be happier if you forgot me.” Avery is struggling to keep her voice down, and knowing the other islanders, they’d do everything they could to listen in. That was the last thing she wanted.

“It was just something that happened in the moment. I didn’t really mean it.”

Avery scoffs. “It seems like a lot of things just happen in the moment with you.”

“Look, I know I’ve hurt you before and I keep doing it, but I want more than anything for us to be together again. You have to know that.” She wanted to pull her hair out. She was so irritated. Since they had gotten into the villa, all they had done was play this stupid game of back and forth, and Avery was sick of it. She wanted it all to be over- for good.

“You’re neglecting to realize that you’re coupled up with Dana, not me. Not to mention that you two are clearly cracking on.”

“I’ll admit that I do rate the girl. She’s beautiful, and she’s got good chat. I do like spending time with her, and I should like her a lot more than I do but I don’t. I can’t ignore the simple fact that there’s something missing, that something isn’t entirely right.” Suresh pauses for a moment as he scoots closer to Avery and lightly grasps her hand in his. For whatever reason, she doesn’t move it away. “She doesn’t make me feel the same way you do. When we were together, I felt like I was on the top of the world, like nothing could ever tear me down. You made me feel like I could do anything I wanted and more because I had you by my side. You made me the best version of myself, someone who was worthy of your love.”

Defeated, Avery replies, all the fight left in her gone. “Maybe you’re just not giving yourself the proper chance to get to know her.” She hopes that Suresh understands the implication behind her words. He does. He always does when it comes to her.

“Don’t.” He utters. ”Don’t say that.” His words are a command, but his tone is soft, almost pleading.

“It’s true. You’re holding back because of the smallest possibility that we’re going to get back together.”

“What, is that wrong?”

“Yeah, it is. You have a girl that is really interested in you, but you can’t give her your all because you think that one day I’ll wake up and magically want you back. You can’t keep torturing yourself like this.” Avery feels nothing but compassion and empathy for him. Although she may not love Suresh in the same way that she had before, she wanted him to be happy. And he couldn’t do that if he was hung up on her.

“I don’t want her. I want you. I would wait until the end of time for you. Only you.” He squeezes her hand in desperation, imploring Avery to accept that she was it for him, and it didn’t matter how many women were interested in him. All he wants is her. From the moment he opens his eyes every morning to the second he falls asleep every night, all Suresh wanted was to be with Avery.

“If you ever want to be happy again, Suresh, you need to let the possibility of having me again go. Let me go, move on.” Her words, despite her soft tone, are like a slap to the face. Is that how she truly felt? Did she really want him to give up on her, on their relationship? Suresh felt his heart clench at the chance of it being her sincere feelings. She couldn’t back down and abandon what they had, just like he couldn’t. Avery is his soulmate, and you don’t give up on your soulmate.

“I’ll only ever be happy again if I have you, Avery. You know that.”

“Suresh, you said it yourself that you wanted to forget me. I’m just giving you a head start.” Avery gently slides her hand from his and climbs off the daybed before softening her voice slightly. She gives him a kind, sympathetic smile. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

With that Avery walks away, her head held high and all the weight from her shoulders removed. Just as she’s almost out of earshot, she hears Suresh speak again.

“I have, but I don’t think it’s me she’s looking for anymore.”

#ahhhhhh I’m so excited about this!!!!#this is my first time writing fan fic for litg so please be kind!!!!#I am just a sl*t for Suresh and angst #let me know what you think!!!#I hope you like it :))#litg #litg s5 #litg suresh #litg fanfic #litg ff #suresh x mc #love island the game #litg ex in the villa #litg eitv #etiv #ex in the villa #my writing

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thatwheelchairchick · 5 months

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💖LITG Positivity Ask Game💖

With everything going on, I thought I'd put together a little ask game - I love how everyone is banding together to get everything possible, but I feel like it could be helpful for people to share the things they love/have loved within the fandom, whether it's the people, the content, etc.

What are some fics you go back and read over and over?

What character did you start liking because of someone else?

What do you love about fanworks in the fandom?

What inspires you to create in the fandom?

What is a song you associate with a specific character?

What is your favourite part about being in this fandom?

What OC (yours or someone else's) can't you get enough of?

What pairing can't you get enough of?

What WIP from another creator are you most excited about?

What's a theory/headcanon that you would die on the hill of?

What's something that lives in your brain rent-free and you want everyone to know about the fandom/game/your fanworks?

What's your favourite fanwork of yours?

What's your favourite moment during your time in the fandom?

What's your favourite universally-accepted headcanon about a character?

What's your favourite WIP of yours?

Who are some of your favourite fan-creators/mutuals/etc?

Your favourite fandom meme?

Your favourite fanwork about a canon moment?

Your favourite fanwork of an underrated character?

Your favourite underrated character?

#litg

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mrsbsmooth · 6 months

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While we’re on the subject, have you read any good Luci fics? I have a few faves but I have a hard time finding new ones😭

Hi beautiful!

I am the wrooooong person to ask, I"ve literally read like two other RC/HS fics bahahah! I'm not that interested in a rewrite (at least not at the moment), but I did find some lovely oneshots!

Particularly recommend Rendezvous (MC x Lucifer main, but it's a foursome with Mimi & Dino) and Demons Use Unconventional Methods (MC x Geralt, Luci, and Adi) and Third Life (MC x Luci) (All Explicit)*

If you're looking for multi-chaptered stuff, I haven't read these two, but I'm familiar with the authors' work and I already can guarantee they'll be of super high quality. So I'd give Empires by @bypine (LITG S1 x HS crossover) and Dead of Night by @0shewrites0 (MC x Malbonte) a go.

*Where the f are all these foursome writers in LITG? HS fans out here getting spoilt I'm jealous

#rc fic recs #romance club #hs #heavens secret #hs lucifer #hs malbonte #hs fanfic #rc hs 2

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eskiix · 2 years

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Playing By Your Rules - Chapter 8 - Solitaire

Lucas Koh x OC

Moodboard by the very talented @csmicletters

Read it on Ao3

Fic Summary -

Fresh from a break up, Lucas meets Katie. Flirty and fun, but emotionally unavailable, she's stuck in bed and bored out of her mind after breaking her ankle.

What better way to cure her boredom and help Lucas get over his ex than by falling into bed together?

Their arrangement has three rules: No kissing If it stops being fun, it ends And - most importantly - no catching feelings

#Playing by your rules #Lucas Koh #Litg Lucas #Litg OC #Litg fic #Litg Fan fic #Love Island The Game

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sophiebernadotte · 10 months

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Writing Scandinavian, Nordic &/or Swedish characters

Maybe someone has done a guide like this & I've missed it, but I wanted to gather some words & phrases for all of my writer friends who have or are thinking about adding a character of Scandinavian/Nordic descent.

This came to mind after seeing too many litg fics where people have Henrik speaking Swedish & no shade to the writers, but it was obvious they used Google Translate & hoped for the best. That's not to say that writers from other communities &/or fandoms can't use this guide, but just to be transparent, that's where I got the inspiration from :)

That said, let me talk you through some basic info & then some basic phrases so you can make your bilingual or trilingual character sound legit!

The Scandinavian countries = Sweden, Norway & Denmark.

The Nordic countries = Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Greenland, Faroe Islands & Åland.

So, an important distinction to keep in mind is if you're talking about Scandinavia, you're talking about those three "bigger countries" (aka the ones who have f*cked over the rest at one point or another throughout history).

As soon as you bring, for example, Finland or Iceland into the mix, you're talking about the Nordic countries.

On the language aspect, I suggest checking out this post where I've talked about it a bit, but as a general rule of thumb, Swedes & Norwegians can understand each other whilst still speaking their respective language. When Danes & Swedes, or Danes & Norwegians speak with each other, one generally switches over to English. Same when communicating with people from Iceland. Swedish is one of the official languages in Finland & Åland, whilst Danish is one of the official languages in Greenland & the Faroe Islands.

Also, English is taught from first grade until upper secondary (high school) but is already introduced to children in kindergarten. I don't know how it's in the other Nordic countries, but in Sweden, it's mandatory to study either Spanish, French or German from sixth grade until the first year of upper secondary.

Swear words

Fan - this is the most common swear word in Swedish & whilst the most accurate translation would be "damn" it's used similarly to how "fuck" is used in English. So, this is the word I mostly see mistranslated & the tell-tale sign (for me) of someone who has relied on Google Translate because they will have their character say "knulla" when they're swearing. Technically this isn't wrong because knulla is slang for sex... but yeah, I think you get it

Helvete - literally means "hell" & could probably be compared to how Brits use "bloody hell". If I got a paper cut or stubbed my toe, I would curse "helvete!"

Jävlar - this is the one that's most difficult to translate but one could say it means "shit" or "sodding". Whilst it's a curse word in itself, it's primarily used in front of another word. So for example, if you want to say "you're a goddamn idiot" you would say "du är en jävla idiot"

Helvetes jävla skit - if someone says this, it's a sign that you should either try to calm down the person a couple of notches or flee the scene as quick as possible because this person is pissed. You're already familiar with what helvete & jävlar mean, skit is the word for, you guessed it, shit/crap.

Words of endearment

Älskling = Darling, love, babe, beloved

Jag älskar dig = I love you

The word "älskar" is the Swedish word for "love", so if you bend it, you get the word "älskling", which is the most common term, or nickname, for your partner. I would say it's best compared to how darling, love or babe is used in English.

Käraste/Käresta = Beloved, dearest

It can get confusing because "kæreste" means girlfriend/boyfriend in Danish, but in Swedish ", käresta" is just an affectionate word for a partner. If you want to say "my dearest XYZ", you would say "min käraste XYZ". The word means girlfriend/boyfriend in Danish but is just a nickname for your girlfriend/boyfriend in Swedish. Are you still with me?

Sötnos = Sweetheart, honey

Sötis = Cutie

Okay, so to start off. "Sötnos" is the full word, whilst "sötis" is the short version of the word, but they mean two completely different things. If you're talking to a partner or a really close friend & go, "oh sweetheart", you would opt for "sötnos". But if you're talking to someone from your friend group, you would opt for "sötis".

It's in no way an insulting word, but if you called your partner "sötis" they would probably be offended & question what they have done to offend you. I would compare it to when your dog does something stupid like trip over their paws & hit their head, so you laugh at them like, "oh sötis!" Similarly, if you usually call your partner "älskling" & then go with "sötnos" they would know something is up or that you're being affectionate but in a condescending way.

#writing #love island the game #litg #litg henrik #litg fanfic #saga.txt

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mrs-mckenzie-koh · 9 months

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Introduction, I guess

Hey, I'm Esme and I'm 23 years old.

I'm a big fan of LITG, I actually wrote a fic a few years ago with a similar concept to double trouble but with two siblings and not twins, and it was only the two OCs I made. It's not great and needs a rewrite, but I hope to share that at some point, as I never did. I would also love to write a s4 fic, but the idea scares me because I don't feel like I know the characters enough, despite replaying the game twice.

When I first played, I immediately fell in love with Bobby, which is why I chose that username and although I'm not a huge fan of it, it still works for me. I also have a soft spot for other characters like Jake, Talia, Lucas, Hope, Yasmin, Ciaran, James, and Angie.

I did try Couple Up previously but I had a hard time getting into it. If anyone has recommendations for similar games/IFs to LITG, I would greatly appreciate it since I need more content.

#litg #introduction #i've never done this before #i wonder whether mrs-mckenzie-koh would work or if that's too boring #literally just threw whatever into the bar

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rebelrayne · 8 months

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My favorite moment — Yosef talking about playing litg and being a fan of his own pixel 😂

No one loves Youcef more than Youcef 😂 that whole fic is both a fever dream and hilarious that Youcef breaks the fourth wall. A product of The Crew’s encouragement 💀

What’s your fave moment?

#jesslay answers

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litgwritersroom · 2 years

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Hi! It would be lovely to read some good writing about Youcef, his smouldering, but really vulnerable character underneath all of his confidence and beauty. Maybe like a mix of season 2 and 4? Like season 4 but there is Casa Amor and the reunion after, and u know, Youcef is confessing his feeling after all this time and they catch up and have some alone time... But I would read anything about him, really, it would be wonderful, because right now there is not much stories and I'm not a talented writer, so i cant contribute to the society of fans of litg by writing. Sorry if I wrote something in a strange way, english is not my first language xd

And thank you in advance!

I wish you all Bobbies, Brunos, Angies, Jakes and Talias in your life!

CHANEL PARIS-BIARRITZ

S4 | Youcef | 2100+ words | @mrsbsmooth

Youcef's perspective. A little smut. Lots of romance.

It's not exactly what was asked for, but there are like five different fics to write in just these asks alone! However, I highly recommend Mon Amour by @rebelrayne for a S4 Youcef Rewrite.

🎵 U Remind Me - Usher 🎵

His greeting left his lips in a much deeper growl than was usual.

He could barely take his eyes off her. She seemed to move in sync with his heartbeat.

Step. Step. Step.

It was only a few steps before he realised it was his heartbeat that was syncing to her steps.

He swallowed, imperceptibly, and turned his face back to Najuma. She was beautiful, of course.

But her.

He hadn’t come all the way to Mallorca just to find another Camille. But she reminded him so much of her. The same coffee-coloured skin he used to taste. The same long, thick hair he used to run his fingers through. The same fire in her eyes. The same playful smirk.

Their names even started with the same letter.

Chloe.

Non.

He tore his eyes away from her. He must stop looking at her.

That was the second, and final time, for certain.

He would not do this to himself again.

He refocused on Najuma, smiling at her, fighting with every urge in his body to look back at Chloe. She slid into the water beside Bruno, but she couldn’t have been less interested in the comedian.

He could feel her eyes on him, and he watched the oceanic blue of them caressing his body as if she was kissing it.

Merde. Looking at her again.

The third, and final time, for certain.

*****

Najuma was fun. Sans filter. She could not have been more different to Camille. Precisely the kind of girl he needed. But she seemed more interested in dating Chloe than in him.

One way to find out, je suppose.

He deliberately kept his eyes locked on Najuma. But as Chloe openly agreed with him, he caught himself glancing at her again, his eyes flickering to her lips.

Zut alors. The ninth, and final time, for certain.

Wordlessly, she floated across the hot tub, and placed herself immediately in front of him, waiting for him to pull her closer. Najuma and Bruno both ceased to exist, as he recognised her perfume immediately.

A woman’s choice of scent, you see, says a lot about her. And Chloe’s was a letter, sealed with a press from her beautiful, lightly painted lips, and a spritz of Chanel Paris-Biarritz.

Vibrant. Citrus-y. Fresh. Mandarin and Lily-of-the-valley.

She smelled like summer and the city; of orchards and sand, of fresh sheets and sea salt.

Such playfulness. Such elegance. Not a hint of darkness or danger.

It was innocence and honesty, femininity and integrity.

Oh, putain.

He reached out to her, tracing his fingers across her collarbone and down her arm.

Where had she sprayed it? He wanted to kiss her where it lingered on her skin.

Stop, Youcef. He begged himself.

But his body betrayed him, as he took her chin in his hands, planting a kiss behind her ear, the fragrance overwhelming him. His lips wordlessly traced a line across her cheek, pressing gently over the soft dimple lingering from her enjoyment of touch.

Her innocent gaze met his, and she lifted her chin, letting her eyes half-close, a warm invitation to do with her lips whatever he pleased.

For a moment, he wondered whether he should stop. But it was only a moment, and it soon passed.

He was only a man, after all. What hope did he have of resisting the gift in the form of this woman who had floated into his arms?

He pressed his lips to hers with the confidence of a man who knew how to kiss, and kiss well.

But he couldn’t kiss her too deeply.

He could kiss her, just this once, but then he had to resist her. She was too much of what he already knew would hurt him. And he could not allow himself to be so hurt again.

But her lips… they were so different. Instead of the cold reluctance of Camille’s, he tasted reciprocation on Chloe’s. Could he allow himself a moment to enjoy it?

Surely there was no harm in just a moment?

He allowed it for himself. Permitted himself one moment of weakness, as his hand found her waist under the water, pulling her closer to him. She brought hers to his chest, a gentle invitation to pull her as close as he wanted her. To let him know she would submit herself fully to his kiss.

How joyous it would be if one day she were his? A woman like this?

Youcef broke the kiss, smiling warmly at her, but swallowing hard.

Non.

*****

He’d made a joke about Kobi not being his type. Chloe’s eyes sparkled, and his heart almost hurt.

Non. Please don’t laugh, please don’t laugh.

He looked away.

The fifteenth, and final time, for certain.

Camille’s laugh had been the most cinematic laugh in the world. It was melodic. Soft. So elegant. So feminine. As flawlessly composed and orchestrated as her outfits. She'd spent hours practising it. Perfecting it. Demanding perfection from it.

A wide smile formed on Chloe's face, and he almost braced himself for the heartbreak.

And she snorted.

Out of her beautiful mouth came the most hideous, guttural cackle. The most deliciously flawed, awful laugh. She clapped her hand to her mouth to hide it, embarrassed by it.

Oh mon dieu. He was in love.

*****

He paced the roof terrace, shaking his hands as if they were wet. And he supposed, in some way they were, with how warm and sweaty they felt when he thought about what he was about to do.

Was he really going to do this?

Weeks. Weeks.

He’d denied her at every opportunity. He refused to believe he could fall in love with someone as quickly as he had. And from afar? While she shared a bed with another man? While he'd slept with his arm around another woman?

How could it be?

But from their adjacent beds, they faced each other every night. He always woke up looking at her, and she always woke up looking at him. Most mornings, they lay like that, silently looking in each others direction, waiting for that brief moment just before the dawn. Where it was not dark, yet not quite light. Where he could drink in the details of her face as he looked at her, while he was still blanketed enough by the darkness to pretend that he wasn't. This morning ritual had become the best part of his day.

He’d almost told her yesterday, before her date with Dylan. But she had been hurt before, too. And he knew she needed a stability in her life that he could never give her.

So when he looked at her, he’d cursed himself.

The six-hundred and twelfth, and final time, for certain.

But he couldn’t hold it inside him any longer. Not after last night. Bruno had banished her to sleep outside like a dog, so he and Cora had joined her without hesitation. Somehow, during the night, Chloe had ended up in his arms. Her tear-stained face millimetres from his. He’d held her. Stroked her hair. And they’d lay silently together, their eyes fluttering open and closed as they tried to fight sleep. Because come the morning, they would go back to being just friends.

But the morning had come, and they’d lain face to face, drinking each other in like the first sips of coffee. And he knew.

Stability or no, if he went one more day without her, he would crumble. Even the bitter sting of her rejection would be sweet relief from not knowing.

And here, she was coming to meet him. It was evening, and the final recoupling wasn’t for hours. He had to do it now.

“Youcef?” she whispered, and he turned to her, the weight of the world suddenly featherlight as he saw her.

“Chloe” he whispered in return, taking her hand, and leading her to the benches.

Her sapphiric eyes met his. The colour of deepest oceanic trenches.

Almost on instinct, he turned his away.

The six-hundred and fifty-first, and…

Non.

He turned his eyes back to hers, deliberately looking at her with the love and honesty he should’ve shown her all along.

He steadied himself, resolute as the words formed in his mouth. I am in love with you.

She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Every time you look at me, I fall in love with you more. It’s you. It’s always been you. You’re the only one I want.”

Youcef said nothing, not taking his eyes off her.

But he didn’t have to.

She fell into his arms before he even had a chance to pull her into them.

He pressed his lips to hers over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Again, and again, and again, and again.

He would kiss her for every time he had to look away from her. For every time he’d had to call someone else’s name at that maudit firepit, while she stood with another. For every time her gaze had flickered to him, as he stood, already chosen by someone else. For every time someone had traced a hand on her waist. Every time someone else had kissed the lips that should’ve only been his to kiss.

He’d never been the type to be overcome by physical need. But he needed her. It was almost as if his body was choking him with how badly he needed her. But his hands were on her, and hers on him, stripping layers from each other with a perfect balance of urgency and gentleness.

He’d always pictured their first time being tender. Soft. An exploration to discover each other’s sensuality, coming undone hour by hour. But instead, here they were on the floor, all hands, mouths and sweat, holding each other as if they’d never have another opportunity. She flung his swim trunks across the terrace, pulling him on top of her, not caring about the soft fairy lights which illuminated their naked bodies.

She was so ready for him, and he pressed inside her with a groan, her sweet mouth opening with a gasp, her eyebrows furrowed. And even still, he had not taken his eyes off her. He would never deny himself from looking at her again. He would look at her every day for the rest of his life.

No view from a mountain, no bluest ocean, no art, no theatre, no photograph could be as beautiful as she looked as she lay naked beneath him, coming slowly undone.

He kissed her over and over as he thrust inside her, the most beautiful, most simple, purest act to show her how deeply he loved her. How entirely she owned him. Her hands caressed his face like she had created it, her fingers traced his hair like she'd drawn it from her dreams.

Her soft thighs were wrapped around his waist, and she whispered his name, the sound of it sweeter than any honey or dessert he'd tasted.

His lips parted with gentle prayers to God, the same one that hadn’t existed before he’d felt this woman underneath him.

He’d never felt any drug, any cigarette, any wine as delicious and addictive as the way she felt as she pushed her hips back against him, whimpering, breathing heavily.

But the truest euphoria was in her eyes. And in her voice, as she spoke the words that healed every part of him.

“Youcef, I love you, I love you”

Her back arched, and he felt her crumbling underneath him.

“I love you” he whispered in return, as their bodies went over the edge together, rolling in waves as they moved of their own accord, as though it was their purest and basest nature to do so.

They lay like that for what seemed like hours, and he pressed his lips to hers, over and over. Her soft lips on his. Where they belonged, only parting to whisper the words to each other over, and over, and over. He would never tire of hearing them.

*****

“Chloe” he said, proudly, confidently, and with zero hesitation.

She smiled at him, walking across the firepit to stand beside him. She slipped her hand into his, and he leaned down to kiss her once more.

He lingered for a moment, bringing his lips behind her ear, and inhaling. Chanel Paris-Biarritz.

She hadn’t worn it since the day they’d met.

He wondered if it was especially for him.

The sparkle in her eyes, and the gentle brush of her fingers on his told him that it was.

He let his eyes linger on her, as he whispered it into her ear again.

“I love you”.

The thirty-eighth time he’d told her that day.

And he’d tell her every single day for the rest of their lives.

Nine hundred times a day.

For certain.

#litg #litg fanfic #ask #litg youcef #litg s4 #litg season 4 #mrsbsmooth #litg writers room #writers room

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