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alangdorf · 7 days

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Untagged ramble post about the the fic writing I’ve been doing + snippets (kind of a lot of them actually whoops) since idk if I’ll ever actually finish them let’s gooo (spoilers for said fics obvi)

Forgetting about Tsubakura’s hat when writing is my new forgetting about Vanitas’ Unversed when writing. Though in my defense I refuse to believe that their current normal outfit is what they used to wear to work because that is so many lab dress code violations including OPEN-TOED SHOES??!??!

Relatedly I had a funny moment of realization where I was like “wait I’m writing about throwing up black goop AGAIN??? What a coincidence”

Thus far I have caused one of my friends (not a len’en fan, only knows about it through my talking about it) to have TWO separate dreams about Len’en characters. I have since also had a dream about them but this friend had two before it even happened to me once (also I may have incorporated one or two aspects of said dreams into my stuff…)

I still write in my notes app with asterisks (discord markdown) for italics. I will never change and that is a promise

Btw in order the fics are: “Tsubakura makes terrible life decisions for two months straight and then Suzumi responds to them breaking up with her by faking her own death: the fic”

Followed by “The fact that there isn’t a unique ending for BPoHC Secret Team neutral route with Tsubakura as stage 6 boss has been plaguing me and I’m ‘boutta make it everyone else’s problem” (the actual current working title) (aka thinly veiled excuse for characters having sex that’s actually a thinly veiled excuse for Suzumi to explain why they did all that nonsense in the previous fic)

Then “Hamal Cine Bad End but I had to make a whole entire oc before deciding there would be anything there worth writing because if it was just Hamal and Tsubakura interacting it would be completely unreadable (featuring second person pov yet again!! So maybe it’s unreadable anyways idk)”

And finally “I couldn’t figure out how to finish that last fic satisfyingly so instead I started writing Tsubakura pov of before and after it but that means like half of it is just Hamal and Tsubakura which is what I was trying to avoid earlier whoops! The other half is logistics (actually that’s a lie the vast majority of it is logistics. What can I say I like logistics in my angst)”

Assuming Suzumi’s eye color just looks like brown to other people cause otherwise that would make the alters extremely obvious (I think zara also did this the other day ehe)

Arde should’ve been at the cluuuuub (Seriously though Arde has quickly skyrocketed into being one of my fave Len’en characters and also probably the person I feel the most bad for in at least my version of pre-canon. Like they all made bad decisions there but Arde had soooo much nonsense to deal with and extremely few viable alternatives)

I just now remembered the Japanese school year is different and I should look up what colleges typically do there

Unfortunately I cannot figure out how to google “what is the Japanese government’s procedure for reintegrating a formerly missing person into society when their kidnapping was a 37-year-old cold case (completely unrelated to the kidnapping they just escaped from) and also they’re largely made up of nanomachines or whatever now and have very advanced peripheral neuropathy and no living friends or relatives aside from this one rando who’s known them for about an hour (in the year 2050)”

Trying to make sense of Suzumi’s powers AAAAAAAAAA are the clones DIEGETIC??? Is Hooaka’s arm just gone FOREVER?? At the very least the disguise ability being Benny’s main ability would make some sense for how I’m writing them if. It’s even possible for them to turn it on and then have Arde front afterwards agh idk

Period-accurate communications tech also continues to be a completely self-inflicted thorn in my side. I’m assuming you could delete sent messages on whatever mobile messaging service Japanese young adults were using circa 2010 because I saw a post from 2017 saying you could do that on wechat and I can’t be bothered to do deeper research when it would significantly change my plot to find out otherwise

So you know how that one drawing of mine with Tsubakura and Tsurubami keeps just getting tagged as those two when it’s actually secretly suzutsuba (even moreso now that I’ve been developing Arde more lol)? That’s how I felt realizing that all my suzutsuba stuff is actually pointing to endgame yabutsuba (romantic or qpp idk idc) (also sorry ybtb fans I’m with you but I’m probably just gonna keep writing suzutsuba instead because my brain focuses on angst 100% of the time)

Semi-relatedly the aforementioned oc is named Koemi Oumura and happens to look a fair amount like Yabusame, which is presumably just a coincidence because Yabusame is the one character confirmed to not have any homeologues (extremely funny and scary fun fact), though I did come up with her name by like moving all the kanji in Yabu’s name a little to the left so lol who knows

While doing game dialogue research I ended up realizing that part of shrine team’s convo with Sanra is Tsubakura going “yeah clothes should be comfortable and unrestrictive!” and I was like “whoops… just gonna partially ignore that cause I’ve already been hcing the fact that you bind sometimes lol sorry”

Hamal gives herself biological immortality which is brought up only as a one-liner gag

Also I hope the way I write her dialogue isn’t like, too annoying. I cannot be bothered to copy paste unicode eighth notes wait a second I have a Japanese keyboard??! Oh well; still can’t be bothered so I’m just working with tildes and hearts. My friend tried to express which Len’en character showed up in its dream by saying “which suzumi is the ~ one. that one”

Ok time for assorted snippets (all mixed up just to keep ya guessing, though they also feel a little poetic in this arrangement. Mostly from the first fic since that’s the one I most want to post [and also the only one that’s T instead of M]) and then the sex stuff will be quarantined afterwards

Tsubakura pulls out their phone and sinks to the ground, breathing heavily (partially from the exertion). They look through their contacts. Yabusame is missing yet again. Haltingly, they punch in her number (they have it memorized, they triple-checked that they had it memorized just yesterday) and hit dial.

They start talking as soon as it picks up. “Yabu, I know I told you to let me handle things on my own for now, but I… I changed my mind; I need help, I-I don’t know what to do—”

The voice that interrupts them is not Yabusame’s, but they’d still recognize it anywhere. “Oh! Hello~! Expecting someone else, were we? Silly Tsuba~<3”

Tsubakura hangs up abruptly and just. Sits there. After a few minutes they check their phone to confirm, but it’s obvious that the number they have in their head is Suzumi’s. In fact, every number they have saved to their contacts is Suzumi’s. They don’t even bother with trying to remember their friends’ street addresses; they just hope she at least left them the route to the lab.

So. The message is abundantly clear. They’re alone in this. (And if the reason they’re late to work that day is because they curled up next to a dumpster and cried until they got scared she might come outside looking for them, well, that’s nobody’s business but their own.)

“The old Suzumi never quite worked up the courage to tell you all of this, but they really looked up to you, y’know? She was awestruck from the day you met. Renowned prodigy Tsubakura Enraku, this kid who was so smart, and educated, and accomplished, and cool, and attractive, and self-assured, and not even any older than she was? Who not only accepted her affections, but reciprocated them? Invited her to live with them? Ohh, she put you on a pedestal a mile high~! Gave them quite the inferiority complex, you did~ And then—“

“Don’t,” Tsubakura breathes, but she’s not done saying her piece yet.

“—The Accident happened. And what did you do? You blamed everything on her to save you own skin. While she was in the hospital, even! You betrayed her.”

“But that wasn’t—”

Hamee clamps a hand over their mouth and clucks her tongue disapprovingly. “It doesn’t matter what you thought you were doing. You’re smarter than that, Tsu~ba~ku~ra~. You know what it would’ve looked like. Felt like. And you certainly didn’t try to clear up any misconceptions with the higher-ups afterwards, did you~?”

Tsubakura looks mortified. It’s a good look on them.

Hamee chuckles and skims her hand down to the center of their chest. “And it broke Suzumi’s poor li’l heart~</3 Well, specifically Ardey’s, at that point. All her monumental faith in you just crumbled to dust. She’s wanted nothing more than good old-fashioned revenge on you ever since.”

…

Ardey’s silence in their head is palpable.

What? No pithy comments this time~?

Don’t talk to me right now.

If you say so~

Tsubakura’s heartbeat feels like a hummingbird caught beneath her fingertips, but they put on their best brave face. “And? What about you, Ha- whatever you said your name was. What exactly is your deal supposed to be?”

“Oh, me? Pretty little Hamee~? Well…” She gently cradles their head in her hands and leans in close, smiling serenely. Their already barely-stoic facade cracks just from that. “I never stopped seeing you as that beautiful, perfect genius that Suzumi idolized so! I still keep you up on that pedestal, Tsubakura-sama~<3 And all I want to do…” She whispers the last part in their ear like a catty schoolgirl telling a mean joke. “…is drag you down from it. Until you’re just as sad and broken as the rest of us~ Forever and ever <3”

And suddenly Hamal is there (still pretty hot, admittedly, but the effect is mitigated significantly by literally everything else about her), smiling without a care in the world, cupping Tsubakura’s face delicately in her hands like she isn’t currently out in a thunderstorm with a pistol tucked into her waistband, about to actually kill someone (specifically, YOU!!!) just to torment them. “Ohh, Tsubakura-sama… did you really think you could ever escape me~?”

When they tune back in to the present, Yabusame’s talking again. “—and a little while after you hung up, you sent me a photo of a handwritten note, and I didn’t really understand it, ‘cause the handwriting was weird and I think I didn’t know some of the kanji, but before I could ask you what that was all about, you deleted it, and none of my messages or calls have gone through since then!”

Tsubakura looks up from where they’ve been reflexively clutching at their head to see Yabusame standing over them all concerned, hands still out like she wants to touch them but can’t. (Right; she doesn’t know where they’re injured. They’re not 100% sure themself.) Mechanically, they reach down to grab their phone from their pocket and check it over. Nothing out of the ordinary except that there’s no trace of last night’s call, and Yabusame’s number is blocked and deleted from their contacts, which they quickly rectify. “Issue was on my end. Should go through now.”

“Okayyyyy…” Yabusame pouts, and then draws back a little and fidgets nervously. “Y’know, I checked for you here and at your favorite bar, and when you weren’t either of those places, I thought reeeeally hard about checking your apartment, but you said that if I ever popped into your apartment without an invitation again, you’d string me up by my ankles!” They briefly do an impression of Tsubakura lecturing them before getting even more subdued. “And, I figured, if you were at home, and Suzumi was there, ‘cause they’re always at home these days, that either Suzumi could fix the problem, or maybe Suzumi was the problem, and I was worried that me showing up maybe would’ve. Made it worse.” She tilts her head and looks at them imploringly, the platonic ideal of puppy-dog eyes. “Was that stupid of me?”

(There’s very little point in attempting anything else, even if they were able to; it all leads to the same outcome. She loves them when they struggle against her. She loves them when they love her back. She loves them when they give up entirely. She loves every single aspect of them. She loves the very concept of them. There’s nothing they could do that could possibly dissuade her. There’s no way to win anymore.)

Hoojiro’s brows knit together, but she doesn’t make any sort of remark about the strangeness of their behavior just yet, instead holding out their phone, which she must’ve retrieved from wherever it was they’d flung it last night. Or this morning, technically. Who cares. “Your phone. It sounds like Su-somebody’s calling?” She’s clearly trying to be delicate, but it’s on silent. She must’ve looked at the screen. She knows who it is.

Tsubakura deflates back into their chair, taking the phone only to drop it face-down on the table in front of them. (They don’t want to risk declining the call; that would just tell her that they’re awake and paying attention.) The jig is pretty much up anyway, so they bury their face in their arms and groan. They’re so tired. “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know…”

Hoojiro shuffles and hesitates before addressing the elephant in the room. “Doctor, I… you claimed it was just an accident that you fell asleep here the other night, and when I left yesterday you told me you’d make sure to go home, but you clearly didn’t, and now it looks to me like your girlfriend has been unsuccessfully trying to contact you, so I guess what I mean to say is… How long have you been here? Really.”

Tsubakura groans again in response.

“Doctor,” Hoojiro admonishes.

“Shitodo,” they reply in a similar tone.

She sighs. “Tsubakura…”

They peek out at her guiltily. “…..Four days. I think.”

With the short hair, loose-fitting hospital clothes, and useless blackened limbs, they’re hardly recognizable as Tsubakura Enraku, genius prodigy, groundbreaking scientist, honorary Senri priest. But that person was killed decades ago along with everyone else (and thousands more times afterward for good measure), and all they are now is a lingering ghost left trapped in their own decaying corpse. Or maybe, if you just focus on the wan face, the dark, sunken eyes, they look like the exact same clinically depressed and perpetually exhausted Tsubakura Enraku that they’ve always been, just currently lacking any work or leisure or alcohol in which to drown themself so they can forget about the absurd tragedy that is their life. Hard to say; they’re kinda mixing their metaphors here.

“The angry one is called Ardey. Most of our ~trysts~ in the past have actually been with her fronting, but she decided it would be more practical to just straight-up kill you after you stopped wanting to have anything to do with us. Soooo she’s trying to pretend like she isn’t watching right now, teehee <3”

HEY.

“She says hi~!”

I DO NOT. SHUT UP.

Ok, this is all very. Beside the point. The point being that Tsubakura woke up to their girlfriend smothering them with a pillow. They attempt to calm down and take a deep breath, neither of which is made easier by Suzumi’s weight on their stomach. “So… uhh… did you just try to kill me?”

Suzumi laughs airily, but with an ever-so-slightly nervous edge. “Ohh, ‘kill’ is such a strong word…” She trails a finger down the underside of their jaw. “Really, what’s a little bit of suffocation between friends~?” She continues down their throat and traces along their collarbones. “If it helps, it was just a… mood swing thing. Shouldn’t happen again. I like making you squirm a liiittle too much to actually want to get rid of you~” She hooks the finger on the collar of their shirt and tugs.

“You’re trying to distract me now, aren’t you.” It’s hardly a question.

“Is it working?” Suzumi deadpans.

They should probably be more concerned, and will definitely start sleeping on the couch after this, but for now, Tsubakura swallows and makes a decision that is… not one of their smarter ones, to be honest. Whatever. Blame the oxygen deprivation, if you must.

“Well. You could be trying harder.”

“I always took you for granted, because I’m a black hole of a human being that just takes and takes and takes until there’s nothing left. I don’t know if there’s even any of the real you left in there, Suzumi. So:”

Tsubakura sinks down to one knee and reaches up a hand, their dark eyes as unreadable as ever. Hamee feels their heart skip a beat at the sight, but for all the wrong reasons. She won’t lie and claim that she hasn’t fantasized about setting up a scenario like this someday, buying a white dress and a real tux and rubbing in her victory over them with the “‘til death do us part”s and all that, but not like this. Not on their terms; not with them real and in the flesh and kneeling right here in front of her, acting out something that could’ve happened years ago if they’d been either a whole lot better for each other or just a little more stupid, but asking for a knife to the jugular rather than an “I do”. Everything about this is wrong.

“I’m giving myself to you,” Tsubakura says. “Will you take me?”

The police haven’t even bothered to get back to them about pressing charges (a laughable attempt, they know, but they had to try something) by the time Tsubakura’s old apartment goes up in flames, and the obituary of Suzumi Kuzu gets printed in the papers, accompanied by the awkward university ID photo of somebody they maybe loved, once. Just making it official that that person is long gone, they suppose.

(But they don’t believe she’s dead for even a second.)

Sex stuff is down here

They just keep having sex. It just keeps happening. I’m aroace-spec and actively religious; how did I get here? Where am I?? Hello????

The number of sex scenes I am writing around is absolutely crazy given that like. I literally can’t even bring myself to use the word “butt”. Tsubakura is mostly naked about half the time. I am matrix dodging specifics out here (to be clear all intercourse is either before/after the parts that I’m actually writing or it’s vaguely skipped over. Even if I wasn’t holding myself to particular language standards I’m always in it more for the emotional part of it and don’t care for the explicit sex stuff so everything I write should be M at most)

I am extremely aware that Hamal Cine Bad End is a lot (and definitely an extreme canon divergence; like perfect storm of things going wrong, Arde and Benet would have to be out of the picture, Hamal would need to get like 10000% less impulsive) and I’m very nervous about sharing any of it at all!! Uhhhhh what else to say about it… I’m trying not to be too gratuitous? The one actual beat-by-beat scene I have any plans for atm is much more focused on the psychological/torture aspects once it flips into gear (not particularly gory either)? Hopefully I’m handling it well? Idk I just hope if I do end up posting it that my writing speaks for itself. Stands on its own. Or whatever like you know what I mean

Ok moving on so you remember that first fic I was writing a few months ago and then abandoned? That fic was funny cause the whole idea I was going off of was using marriage as a metaphor for getting murdered (second to last snippet is a surprise cameo from that heehee; I couldn’t figure out how to write into it in a way that would make sense though) and if I ever published that one I would definitely have needed to put out a disclaimer that’s like “Yes I am happily married, yes I am aroace, yes I am only interested in super toxic shipping; I contain multitudes” (also no ace discourse please; despite the fact I could pass for allo in some ways I still choose to identify as aroace because my aro/asexuality affects a lot of areas of my life even if it’s not that visible to others)

Unsure whether my friends are making fun of me for getting my sex ed from wikipedia but like, how else am I supposed to learn about bdsm and gay sex; ask my mom?? I don’t even ask her about straight sex!

Hopefully it’s very clear when I’m writing stuff that isn’t supposed to be healthy? I watched some video essays on fifty shades and other bad romance novels for fun recently and hoo boy!! That’s certainly something to avoid. I also finally finished reading through Lolita (read the first half in like middle school or smthn) and I felt like that was a good lesson in how to write obviously abusive relationships and also how to avoid writing sex scenes. (Also that was the first real book I’ve read in a whiiiile lol) (I also finished reading a certain manhwa I half-read years ago, mostly out of morbid curiosity cause the wiki was very vague on how it ended. Didn’t really glean anything immediately helpful from that and there was way more sex and nudity than I remembered; kinda regret it)

I know I mentioned a while ago that I was projecting somewhat onto Suzumi but just to be clear I’m definitely also projecting onto Tsubakura. Sorry for giving them all my sexual preferences (and one very specific fairly minor parental trauma); it will happen again (that’s me on the left; I haven’t changed my pfp to reflect my current sona) (don’t mind the koala)

#suggestive #but just at the bottom (ha)

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chthonic-cassandra · 1 year

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I’ve been considering writing fanfiction again after 5 years, but I’m quite nervous. Reading your Compromise series inspired me to get back into writing, but I’m worried about how the fans will react to the subject matter of abuse and complicated feelings in the gray zone between romantic and familial. How do you deal with the anxiety of people misinterpreting your writing?

First, I wanted to say how moved I am that reading something I wrote inspired you to return to writing! That touches me very deeply and I so appreciate you sharing it with me.

This is a good question, and I don't have an easy answer to it, but I do have some thoughts. I do want to distinguish between misinterpretation which is just readers having a different experience of a story than the one we've intended, and actual hurtful and judgmental responses - I think you're most talking about the latter, but I'm not sure.

As far as hurtful responses, I've honestly been pretty lucky with that, at least in comparison with a lot of other people I know here/in fandom. Part of it is that I do deliberately keep a pretty low profile in a number of ways - I write quietly in my tiny fandoms - and I take steps to insulate myself from judgmental responses, like not allowing anonymous asks. I've made a decision in the past several years to just straight up not engage in internet debate, and this has served me well. These choices aren't right for everyone, but the risk/reward calculation of them is very definitely right for me. (I was a little worried that the increased popularity of Dracula in the past year would make all of this harder, but insofar as drama has happened there I think I've stayed largely oblivious to it or at least out of the way.)

But that doesn't mean those kinds of responses never happen, or that I never have anxiety about them, with the kinds of things I write. What's helped is honestly getting to a place with myself where I can hold a lot of confidence in my own understanding of trauma and abuse, both generally and in my own life, that cannot fundamentally be shaken by others' responses. So someone commenting on one of my stories that I'm writing Mina as "weak" and "allowing herself to be defined by her assault" (real example, albeit from a while ago) can make me angry, but it doesn't make me spiral or question how I understand myself. (I can't say how I would hold up to really persistently cruel harassment like I know others have had to deal with, and I count myself as lucky that I haven't encountered that so far in my fandom experience.)

I know what I believe, and I know how I choose to ethically engage in the world, and people can think that my fic is weird or gross if they want and that doesn't change what I know to be true. It feels really good in a lot of ways to put my stories out in the world and to hear that people are impacted by them, and a big part of that does have to do with finding ways of communicating aspects of my own experience, but I also can't expect readers of my fic to give me that validation; I have to get it elsewhere.

As far as general misinterpretation without hurtful responses...I don't know, I think I just have to be okay with it, and at this point I don't consider there to be a correct interpretation of my fics really at all. I do (often) write about kinds of violence that come close to things I've experienced, but it's also really okay with me if people read those stories and their primary take away is finding them sexy. There are also ways in which I find those elements of my own experience sexy! (And horrific and terrifying and devastating and and and...) That's part of what I'm doing by writing about them, letting myself feel out all these edges and angles and sites of messiness. That's one of the reason to write hundreds of thousands of words of fic largely about sexual violence rather than writing a memoir.

With Compromise in particular, which you mentioned here (I'm glad you're enjoying it!), part of what has been so interesting for me about trying this slow, serialized format for a story about tangled webs of violence and attachment is seeing the range of different ways people react to it, the people who are angry at Jonathan and the people whose hearts are breaking for him, the people who are hoping for Jonathan and Mina to come back together and fight back and the people who have become most invested in the brides and their arc. I'm sure that there are people who find the whole premise distasteful and I hope they simply don't read it rather than telling me so, but alongside that there's this particular energy and interest in the expansive range of possible interpretation, and if you do choose to write and post fic again I hope that's something that you can enjoy.

This is a long-winded answer that maybe didn't get at your question! But your question made me think a lot - thank you for that.

#riverwife #on writing #my writing #trauma frameworks #compromise series

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julietasgf · 2 months

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Yeah well, my rant about Clemensia and the movie is Snow propaganda will have to wait because my head is empty, there's only Plinth family stuff

I'll start by saying that I also firmly believe that Suzanne probably has in her house a notebook filled with the background info of ALL the secondary characters of TBOSAS AND THG, she KNOWS it, she just decided not to share it, which I admire greatly, I couldn't keep my ocs info that way *shaking*

But until her says to us otherwise, I guess we are on our own, so because you ask me, lets began with the parallels between Ma Plinth and Katniss' mother.

So as far as we know Katniss' mother belonged to the merchant class, she was of a high social stratum in her district, but she descended socially to marry a miner from the Seam. She abandons her entire home, her past life to be with the man she fell in love with, a gentle man we are told, that likes to sing and who taught his eldest daughter to hunt and other skills necessary for her survival. This men sadly passes away, leaving Katniss mom alone with her daughters whom she cannot care for. And I think you'll agree that if you think about it the other way around, that's the same story as Ma Plinth.

It is possible that Vesta came from one of the slums of District 2, but she meets a man, with whom she falls in love, with ambitious, cold characteristics, not a friendly image but still devoted to him. The man ascends socially, and gets Vesta to leave her life behind, with all the sacrifices that implies to be by his side. Vesta betrays her district in favor of Strabo, and yet she ends up alone caring for her son, one whom her husband leaves almost completely helpless.

I have to concede to Strabo that he ultimately tried to teach Sejanus the way he knew how to survive in the Capitol (which as we see it is to be intimidating so you don't get screwed, prove you are lethal and have money to fix everything) but neither he nor Ma had the tools to deal with Baby Sejanus' trauma of being ripped from his own home, from everything he knew to be forcibly inserted into a society with incomprehensible rules. Especially Ma, the only one who could communicate with her son, did not know how to cope with her own trauma and depression (HER OWN 8-YEAR-OLD SON HAD TO CONSOLE HER).

Because another problem Sejanus faced is that he never received any truly useful guidance from any adult on how to exist in the Capitol. I think the closest thing he ever had to a guide was Coriolanus the snake (a guy too similar to his father, oh yeah let's bring daddy issues into the conversation), who he actually listens to most of the time on how to handle situations or certain feelings.

About what the other anon said: Why Ma didn't divorce Strabo if she only saw how he was hurting her son whom she clearly loved?, I think this is the material and logistical aspect of the situation that you explained well (With what money? Where would they go? ?, Who would receive them?, etc), there it is also the irrational and painful thing about she having loved Strabo and being dependent but here I establishing the most explicit parallel with Katniss's mother: Ma has a small corner decorated with things from D2, Ma says with her heartbroken that only one of her sisters speaks to her after the rebellion, Ma when she can't find Sejanus spends an entire afternoon looking for him on her own, Ma offers to rescue her own son from his own suicide mission.

It is a risky decision. Dangerous. And just as suicidal.

Vesta was depressed and had unresolved trauma. She has the financial stability that Katniss' mother didn't have, so she can be more functional and take care of Sejanus as much as she can but she can't do more. She can't change anything.

But enough of sad things.

Well. Once before I end to write, bc you know HOW MUCH IT EXCITES ME THAT THE IDEA OF DURING THE FIRST QUARTER QUELL D2 CHOICE A PLINTH RELATED ALSO STAY IN YOUR HEAD??!?!? BECAUSE I CONSIDERED THAT IDEA FOR A FIC ONCE A LONG AGO AND I THINK SO MUCH ABOUT IT EVERY DAY AND MY GOD YOUR TAKES ON THAT. They gave me chills!!!

18 YEARS THE TRIBUTE. They were so close to being free and comes to pursue them the sins of a man they even didnt knew. Painfully perfect <3

If you make a Sejarcus playlist by Mitski, I need for my life that you give it to me and by the way. Can I contribute to the Plinth Family soundtrack with songs by Marina with the incredible song of her called: Rootless?

About the latam AU GOD YES! TIGRIS AND CORYO INTEPRETING THE DIVINAS IN FRONT OF THEIR GRANDMOTHER IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING, I love the uruguayans too, <3, they are great and very kind (at least the ones I have met) SO that Tigris is uruguaya now is canon, AND LUCY GRAY AS COLOMBIAN WAS ANOTHER ONE OF MY CHOICES, LET'S GIVE HER THE PAISAAA ACCENT (although being Venezuelan also fits her so well, and yes please her with Boricua Sejanus cursing usa, is what I need, and that both of them together make Coriolanus Arg change for the better by making fun of him and his vast knowledge in children and adult telenovelas. PD: SOMEONE DONT SHOW HIM TERESA). ITS SO TRUE, the Latin American need to made ur fav of your country (I need Sejanus putting up an altar of the Muertos for Marcus, ah, who said that?) But I had homework to do, sadly, so this one is a short answer about our headcanons and so. Before I leave: 1. ANTES DE QUE NOS OLVIDEN IT IS SO D11 CODED MY DEAR LORD. 2. I wouldn't say that I see this song in a particular character, but since we are talking about mothers and complicated relationships between their children, I leave one of my favorite songs related to the subject in Spanish because I have decided to enter into a crusade against songs in English /j Azul- Natalia Lafourcade

save me plinth family.... plinth family save me... (not, but fr, I would love to hear your thoughts regarding this because it's so sad what the movie did to clemensia, the scenes with the snakes are clearly to make snow seem a much better person, when in the book she was just a kid grieving her classmate who just died :(

HELPPP ngl she's so real for that, I couldn't spend two seconds without talking EVERYTHING i planned for an OC that appears for a single minute kskskslskl but at least it gives us space to a lot of hcs and theories (she's also so real for not telling us anything about or theories or thoughts, she lets the fandom overthink and go insane alone).

mate, let me tell you: your brain!!!! YOUR BRAIN!!!! because I haven't to stop about it before, but OH MY GOD. they're almost like a reverse mirror of each other when you stop to think about it, even with the way they chose to cope with the pain, one being devoted to their kid and the other almost abandoning them completely (and both ending with a dead child.... I'm sick to my stomach)

mrs. everdeen has such a tragic story; ofc she was wrong for leaving katniss to basically raise prim by herself, but it's such a depressing and traumatic situation, I'm not sure what I would do myself in that position because it seems horrifying. now, regarding ma plinth, I think people really underestimate how fucking TRAUMATIC her situation is. she just left her home being despised and then gets into another place being equally despised, if not even more. moving countries (I know the districts are in the same country as panem, but I'm assuming the culture is so different that it has the same impact) is traumatic by itself; it's getting inserted into another culture, another reality, dealing with the change, with the new food and routine and even the water's taste is different, and dealing with violent and constant xenophobia. when you move, you're usually conscious of this, and that's why it's important to have a support network because this is going to be hard. now, ma didn't even want to move in first place, as it seems. she seemed to move to the capitol pretty much against her will. when you go by your free will, it's already hard... imagine being almost forced to do it??? and to this, add to the equation a child, who's going through the same traumatic experience as her, who she's responsible for.

(the scene where she says that baby sejanus tried to comfort her, tried to say that it would be okay, BREAKS MY HEART :((( because ma seems so devoted to him, how disturbed she was to the point HE had to comfort her???? a child had to act like a grown up and tell his own ma that everything was going to be okay???)

((plus, a bit non-related, but when "mama's boy" by dominik fike was a hit on tiktok, I remember a post that really marked me. the person said that there's a big difference between a mommy's boy and a mama's boy, and the difference is that a mama's boy went through very traumatic experiences with their mama and that's why they're so close, it's a bond forged in pain, and that sums pretty much my thoughts regarding sejanus' bond with his ma))

sejanus had two adults in his life: one was his father, the same one that took him away from home, the same one his relationship with is pretty strained. the other one is ma. the same ma that loves him so much, but is as hurt as him, and doesn't seem to be able to fit in the capitol either. no wonder he got close to coriolanus (daddy issues go brrrrrr sejanus, go to therapy, please, you can't replace the guiding role you wish of your father with a guy that's exactly like him, if not even MORE dangerous than him)

YOU!!! ARE!!!! SO!!!! ON!!! POINT!!! and I'm going to be honest, I didn't even had made that connect, I'm flabbergasted because OH MY GOD (not only the bad tast in men being generational, but the depression as well, pls). there's a line strabo says when talking with coriolanus after sejanus' death where he says that now, ma plinth needs something to live for. ma was willing to DIE for her son. because without him, what would she live for? she doesn't have anything else. not friends, not purpose, not even family anymore. it's just her and her boy, her boy and her, the only last living piece from her home. but it works much like a sedative; it makes the pain go away for a awhile, but the problem is still there. it doesn't really solve anything.

(now excuse me, I'm going to cry on a corner, I love ma plinth so much it hurts)

BROOOOOOO IF ONE DAY YOU WANT TO, I WOULD LOVE TO READ A FIC FROM YOU WITH THIS CONCEPT, BECAUSE IT'S. JUST. SO. GOOD!!!!! D2 being a district with a culture known to be proud, and resentful, and they never forgetting this surname because the enemy came from within. then the first quarter quell comes, and they get the chance to get revenge, for their sisters, brothers, daughters, sons who were killed by guns bearing the surname plinth. even if it's not fair, even if it's just symbolic. THE PAIN UGHHHH

ONE DAY I'LL MAKE THAT PLAYLIST, I SWEAR, it's just that mitski has so many songs that are just SO them- i will??? francis forever?? TWO SLOW DANCERS??? and SPECIALLY star. it makes me want to scream cry throw up. literally them.

(also, your best american girl is pretty much snowjanus; your mother wouldn't approve how my mother raised me!!!)

the plinths are already so marina coded, but THEY ARE LITERALLY THIS SONG????? not belonging to anywhere anymore, too district to be capitol, too capitol to be district, not able to get accepted in neither, foreigners to both. NO HOME SWEET AND NO SWEET HOME.

KSKSKSKS tigris even making coryo dress up just to perform in front of their ma (ofc she took a pic of it, and ofc she showed sejanus and lgb when she met them bc tigris keeps this pic on her phone bc of how funny it is 😭) LUCY GRAY HAVING A PAISA ACCENT OMGGGGGG girl would sound even MORE charming than she already does, now I'm thorn but it's just. colombian lucy gray. COLOMBIAN LUCY GRAY!! sejanus and lucy gray would be such a fun duo, both of them #1 enemies of that place (him even more, sejanus growing up and getting even more mad that he can travel to all the states bc his passport has the stupid eagle, but he can't even VOTE, and lucy gray hearing him vent and being "that's so right mate, get their ass" while drinking on her coffee) THEY WOULD MAKE SO MUCH FUN OF HIM probably either bc tigris showed them the pic or bc they caught coriolanus gossiping online with old aunts on facebook under a fake account about this day's chapter. PLSSSS IF HE SAW TERESA IT WOULD GIVE HIM IDEAS, IT'S BETTER LEAVE HIM AWAY FROM IT (non-related, but coriolanus would be such a girly pop regarding the villains in general, he would see a pretty woman getting rid of their niece and be like "so what? at least she looks good doing it! good for her!")

(non-related again, but also, ma during parties putting baby sejanus to sleep on two plastic chairs <33)

bro. BRO. WHYYYYY I'M SO HEARTBROKEN NOW 😭 (even after sejanus is dead, ma keeps putting up an altar to marcus because she knew how important it was for sejanus, and she puts it next to the one she puts to sejanus so they can be close)

good luck with your homework!!! :D

D11 is such an interesting district, these guys are always so important and in the frontline of things, the lyrics fits them so perfectly during both the games (and I wish he could know more about their role on their rebellion, because I'M SO SURE they were so important)!!! PLSSS and I'm with you on that, enough of english-speaking songs ☝️ I LOVE NATALIA LAFOURCADE SM AND I LOVE THAT SONG, I know you said you didn't think about a specific character but all I could think about while listening to it was ma plinth, I'm hearbroken rn omg 😭

#tbosas #tbosas movie #sejanus plinth #ma plinth #ask #sort of analysis #I love the plinths so much #and boricua sejanus you'll always be famous!!!#my silly little thoughts

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semperama · 10 months

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hi erin i was wondering if you had any advice for how to deal with not getting any comments on a fic. i'm in a pretty small fandom and i get the same (small) amount of kudos as many other writers there. but i recently posted a pretty personal fic that i worked extremely hard on for months, so hopeful that it might resonate with people, and now i just feel crushed. i'm working on new fics but I keep thinking that I’m probably only setting myself up for more disappointment ;(( any thoughts? ty <3

Hi, anon! I'm sorry to hear you feel like your hard work has gone unnoticed. That's such an awful feeling. I can't say I'm an expert, because I haven't been in a fandom small enough that it was normal to get no comments, but I do know what it's like to work hard on something and be disappointed by the response. I have a few things that might help.

If you can, I really recommend trying to make friends in your fandom. Especially in small fandoms, it can be such a lifesaver in terms of getting feedback and keeping your motivation. A good keysmash in the comments of a Google Doc can be just as satisfying as a dozen comments on AO3. Finding someone you trust to beta read your fic, or to bounce ideas off of, is a good idea in ANY fandom, but it can be especially helpful in small fandoms to keep from feeling like you're shouting into the void. And make sure you're giving back to others as well! Leave some comments on other people's fic! Follow them on tumblr and hype up their projects! Do whatever you can to tap into the community that is there.

I hate to say it, but part of it really is adjusting your expectations. If everyone in the fandom gets a handful of kudos at most, then you need to go into writing for that fandom with your eyes wide open, knowing that even if you pour your blood, sweat, and tears into something, all you can expect is that same handful of kudos. That says nothing about you as a writer. You could write an absolute masterpiece, and if there are only 10 people interested in that subject, you're only going to get 10 people to read it. And that's okay! That doesn't mean you've failed in any way, and you should still be proud of your accomplishments. But you can't get blood from a stone, you know? If the audience isn't there, it isn't there. In a way, that can be freeing though. The problem with large audiences can be the expectation of a huge response every time and feeling like you failed if you don't get it. In very small fandoms, at least you know the lack of response is due to the lack of people, not something you did wrong!

Related to the previous point, if you're going to be writing for a fandom where getting lots of (or any) comments isn't the norm, then you should try to find a way to measure success for yourself that doesn't have to do with comments. That often just means writing something you are proud of and you enjoy reading. Especially in the case where you're writing about subjects that are personal to you, make sure you take the time to appreciate the catharsis it brings you. Pat yourself on the back for how you're improving your writing skills by getting in touch with your own emotions and experiences and turning them into stories. Those things aren't useless if they don't reach a huge audience. You are improving yourself by doing it!

All that being said, if it really is a super duper tiny fandom and there's no community to get involved with and you don't think you'll ever be happy writing for mostly yourself, I do honestly think there's a time when you have to ask yourself if you need to move on. I personally suck at writing for myself. If no one's going to read it, I don't want to write it, haha. In the past when fandoms have died or my friends have left, I've jumped ship too, because I need the community aspect. Fandom isn't fun for me without it. Everyone's different though! I've known people who are happier writing for fandoms so rare no one else is writing for them. It just comes down to both your tolerance for the lack of feedback and how much you feel compelled by this particular fandom.

Anyway, sorry I got so long-winded and I'm sorry if none of that is helpful! I hope you can glean something from it at least, and I hope you are able to feel proud of yourself for finishing a personal fic, which is SO hard to do, even if it didn't get the response you were hoping for. <33

#replies #writing #writing advice

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bacarasbabe · 10 months

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Hello hello my love, may I please ask about 21, 73 and 76? x

Hello my beloved 💕 I'm so sorry for the late response. I've started answering you multiple times but irl things kept getting in the way and I took a small break from here! Really, I just wanted to give you a serious answer that I took my time with instead of something rushed and not very well thought out. I hope you can forgive me darling.

21 - Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I don't have very many chaptered fics but as I've been growing and evolving in my writing style I think I've begun to gravitate towords chaptered fics. I find a lot of joy in developing plotlines and characters through multiple chapters. It's an interesting and fun challenge to face, but one-shots will always hold a special place in my heart.

73 - What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

Hmm, this was interesting to disect but I think I get complemented on my aestetics the most lol.

76 - How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

Fyi, I've written the response to this question like five different times now. I think I've settled on an okay respose, but I wanted to take the time to get this right. I know so many fic writers and creators deal with stress, and not all of us come out the other side as creators still. While I'm unsure if my insights will be helpful to you, I hope you can find something valuable in my perspective.

(Full answer under the cut bc it's long.)

We've previously discussed the unique frustrations that fic writers face, particularly on this website. The constant barrage of anonymous asks, only inquiring about more content or the release date of the next chapter, the likes without comments or reblogs, and the limited interactions can wear you down over time. I know that I've felt the weight of these pressures and so have so many countless others. There are numerous other aspects I could complain about, but I am actively working on letting go and trying to move past these things.

It can be difficult when, at one point, fic writing felt like an avenue to engage in commentary, discussions, and the social aspects of the community, rather than merely producing content for others to enjoy. The stress and perceived pressure to consistently create began to erode my love for writing, prompting me to step away. I needed to distance myself from everything, and surprisingly, it turned out to be a positive decision. During my break, I created a side blog using a completely different email address, allowing me to enjoy things without feeling the need to hold myself to any standards or obligations. I granted myself permission to consume instead of constantly create, and to enjoy without worry. Taking that break was a significant step for me, enabling me to establish boundaries, which was exactly what I needed. I realized I had been giving too much, rushing through writing instead of savoring the process.

Now, with a story that I hold dear to my heart, I find myself in a place where I can dedicate myself to it and genuinely enjoy the journey. I am completing the story for myself because I genuinely want to, without the burden of writing other fics or constantly trying to entertain followers. Even with this mindset, I must admit that I don't have a comprehensive answer for you. After being away for over a year, gaining a fresh perspective on things helped immensely. Additionally, the words of a cherished mutual we share had a profound impact on me. They expressed, in their own way, that my fics are already complete the moment I posted them. Regardless of any future chapters promised. It's perfectly acceptable if I never post an ending because the audience is not entitled to one.

Dealing with writing pressure, whether it stems from internal expectations or external demands, requires a conscious effort to set boundaries and prioritize personal enjoyment and fulfillment. Taking breaks, gaining perspective, and finding solace in the fact that your creations are already complete can all contribute to a healthier and more enjoyable writing experience. Remember, your writing journey should ultimately be driven by your own passion and desire, rather than solely catering to the expectations of others. I know that this is easier said than done. I know. But hopefully you can take a piece of this and apply it to your own stess.

#fanfic asks

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anneapocalypse · 11 months

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✨🌿🤲🎀☯

(My deepest apologies to the people who sent me asks for this meme which have now been sitting in my inbox for three weeks.)

✨What’s a fic you’ve posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

You know what, since this question is basically a sneaky excuse to self-rec old fics 😉 ...I'm gonna shout out my main Kimbalina series, Inroads. (It's a series of one-shots that wraps up with a longfic, which probably could have been all one even longer fic if I had planned it that way from the start buuuut I did not that. I still think it's pretty good!) Kimbalina kind of fell out of its heyday once the Chorus trilogy was over, and I understand why, but it's still one of my favorite RvB ships and just favorite ships of all time, period. Writing this series let me explore so many of my favorite things about RvB! War and politics and Carolina and loss and grief and Carolina and women with huge messy complex trauma and anger and trouble communicating. And Kimball. And Carolina. And an ensemble cast of characters who care about each other but still don't always know how to do that right. And Carolina. This series is still really close to my heart, and I'm not at all unhappy with the readership it had! But I won't pass up the opportunity to put it out there once again.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Alive. Real. Comprehensible.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

I honestly feel like writing is something I can't not do. If I wasn't writing fiction I'd be writing something. I think almost entirely in words, and writing is a way of making my thoughts solid. It's how I make sense of myself and life and the world. It helps me remember things and gives meaning to memory. Like not to be dramatic but the answer to what I get out of writing is everything. I can't imagine not doing it.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I FINISH SHIT! It certainly isn't going to be perfect, but I can make it a complete Thing! Finishing is a skill and it's one I worked hard at and I'm proud of it!

☯️ how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you’re not a social person/experience social anxiety

I truly do love fandom community and the sharing of creativity that goes on here. It's not just about having an audience for your own work, but about sharing creative energy with others. I might have completely different tastes and interests that someone else and maybe we're never going to read each other's work but we can still enjoy talking about writing and sharing our enthusiasm for our projects and fandoms.

I do think it is important as a creator to learn self-motivation--which sometimes sounds like I'm saying you shouldn't care about getting readers/viewers or feedback, but that's not what I mean. We share our work to find connection, and feedback is a part of that, and I myself do try to be a pretty active reader and commenter and reblogger and reccer! I love receiving feedback on my work, same as anyone. But when I'm actually writing, I don't think about comments that much. I focus on the story I want to exist--the shape it will take, the moments and beats that are meaningful to me. I get excited about the story itself, not about how people may or may not react to it, and I find that a better motivator, personally, than "I need to finish this so I can post it and get comments."

As for the social aspects of fandom, all social media has its highs and lows and I think to engage with it in a healthy way you kind of have to be intentional about it. You get to decide how big a part of your life it is and if it's affecting you in a negative way, it's ultimately up to you to change the way you engage with it.

#ask anne #donprisciotte #ask meme #fic writer meme

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xdeusxmachinax · 2 years

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So, I was thinking yet again about 31 Days in the Darklands, because its an absolutely amazing fic and l love your writing style, and I was thinking about your headcanon about Trans! Strickler. I don't personally HC it, but I do find it a very interesting take. I was wondering, Strickler's familiar is male, so is that a reason, in your fic, why he's so much more comfortable human? Cause that would make sense then. Also, when did Strickler transition? It seems like he transitioned while still a whelp, and I'm thinking trolls are naturally able to change gender and its not a big deal. I just want some answers and more background on it, if you don't mind, because different species views on gender/sexuality are fascinating.

This headcanon actually came from a dear old friend of mine in the fandom, we've gone to separate fandom since then, but they remain an inspiration in my writing.

I didn't 'get it' at first, but the more I thought on it, the more interesting the idea became. An extra layer of out of placeness in the trollworld, but at the same time, another aspect of how 'alien' human gender norms are to Trolls. I think Strickler identified at a fairly young age, five, six, seven. Probably to Bular and Kodanth first. Bular didn't second guess it, because gender and sex aren't the same in modern Gumm-Gumm culture, especially with such a wide variety of reproductive methods.

I think Kodanth went out of his way to find his student a 'male' familiar. A chance to feel more comfortable in his own skin. But even as I type this, I know I might not be the best person to write about it. I have no idea about the trans experience, I can't begin to imagine, and I can check with the community around me, but I'm so worried i'm going to get things wrong.

But at the same time, how could I resist the chance to include not just a fan-favorite as the main character, but to give him another aspect that just doesn't get explored enough in modern media. If anyone has any tips or ideas to include on this subject, I am very happy to listen.

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 6 months

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"send me a character" you get abed and adam faulkner stanheight (from saw was i close?)

Aaaugh!!!!! YES thank you so much!!!!!! I could talk about both of them for weeks!!!

Abed:

First impression: I loved him really early on and he really quickly became my favourite character in Community. The second they showed Abed's short film to Jeff, Britta and his dad, it was all over for me

Current impression: I love Abed even more now. He's probably one of my favourite, most likely even most favourite character ever. He's so so relatable and I could watch Abed just being Abed forever. I honestly am not even sure i could put into words how much Abed's character means to me and how much I love him!

Favorite moment: I'd say all the times he dresses up as a character and acts as that character/just acts as someone else for a bit. I used to do that a bunch when I was younger so I love seeing Abed doing stuff like that, it makes me happy. Especially when it's Inspector Spacetime. Also: the scene where its mentioned that he has a 2 hour long analysis of the Saw movies because that's gotta be the most relatable scene ever made for me

Idea for a story: I have so many. I have already written way too many and have way too many more. So I'll share one which I don't think I've mentioned before: I'd love to write a fic about all the times people call him emotionless or a robot, and just sort of write out how that makes him feel and view himself until he finally decides to tell people to stop calling him that. Because it happens quite often in the show and I want some kind of a moment where he just stands up for himself and puts a stop to it.

Unpopular opinion: umm, I'm not sure if I have one, at least from all the opinions people on tumblr have. For the most part, I agree with a lot of opinions people have of him on here. I think people sometimes overexaggerate some aspects of his character, but that just kind happens in fandoms and its not a big deal.

Favorite relationship: obvious answer, but it's trobed!

Favorite headcanon: okay, this is my own personal headcanon, but I hc that he keeps a notebook not just of people's traits and things he notices about them, but also has a seperate notebook about the movies and shows he's watched. He writes down every show and movie he's seen, main characters' names and actors, and any other info he wants to remember. Mainly this headcanon is just me projecting bc I have a spreadsheet I made for the horror movies I've seen, so I'd like to believe he does something similar!

Okay and Adam:

First impression: I don't remember what my very first impression of him was tbh because I didn't yet have the sawtism on my first viewing of saw. But I did quite like his character.

Current impression: not a single normal thought has entered my brain about Adam. Every time I think about him, I feel the need to scream about him for days. He's such a tragic character and he hides all that behind his snark. And he wanted to live!!! He wanted to live and do more, but he couldn't!!! Adam also has some hilarious and great quotes, which at this point I'll admit I have like memorised because apparently I've just memorised half of Saw.

Favorite moment: oh my god, either the moment that Lawrence says "there's something you're not telling me" and Adam starts listing a bunch of unrelated shit to Lawrence (which includes the iconic "my ex-girlfriend was a feminist vegan punk who broke up with me because she thought I was too angry"). Or the moment he discovers the camera behind the mirror and says the iconic "this is the most fun I've had without lubricant". Or the deleted Saw III scene where he and Amanda interact. I love that scene so so much and I wish they had kept it in.

Idea for a story: not really a story, but I have thought about writing like a character study of some of the characters from saw. Or I guess more like a partial character study, partial what were they like in their daily lives type of thing. I've also thought of doing something like that with Amanda. Idk if I would ever write a full on fanfic with a plot for the saw characters, but character study-like thing would be cool imo

Unpopular opinion: quite a lot of people want him to come back and be alive, but I am fully against that. I love Adam and the "Adam is alive" au's are great, but realistically I don't want him to be alive in the movies. It wouldn't make sense and it just wouldn't work well imo, especially with how his death impacts the other characters and their stories.

Favorite relationship: Adam and Lawrence of course. But I did see one post of a theoretical ship of Adam and Mateo from Saw X (even though they've never met) and that post was pretty cute!! I should look for that post again

Favorite headcanon: gonna be a stereotypical saw fan and say: gay and trans Adam. It's a good headcanon, I think it can definitely make sense canonically and it just fits! Gay and trans Adam is canon to me

#thank yoy for the ask!!!!!!#v happy to get to talk about the two guys im abnormal about

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satancopilotsmytardis · 8 months

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🌈☯️

I need you to know what a profound impact your fics have had on my life. They helped pull me out of a troubling mindset and were the driving force behind me picking up writing again and genuinely makes me feel understood and acknowledged dispite have nothing to do with me, I'm not fighting a war I have only a third of a chance at winning against superpowered child soldiers. But the the scale you bring your stories down to the focus on the internal aspects, the self understanding (and lack of sometimes) present in every situation and the way the characters relationships effect each other... Ugh your fics are both killing me and giving me new life. So thank you.

Oh man, wow. I really don't know what to say, I'm so glad that you're getting so much out of my silly little stories. I'm also so happy to hear that you've started working on your own! I personally think that the act of creating something (anything) is such a great way to examine the self and one's relationship with the rest of the world, I hope that doing so can keep helping you the way it seems like it already has! Thank you so, so much for always having a kind word for my stories, it always encourages me to keep creating more!

🌈 Is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Ha ha, you all know by now that I am really actively still struggling with Shattered and have been for a few months now. I think I've determined that I just absolutely fucking hate writing in chaptered segments. Something about breaking things into chapters ruins my brain and flow of writing because I also struggled constantly with Playing Favorites and that's a multi-chap too.

☯️ how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

Oof, fucking coming for my kneecaps with a serious question that I don't have a strong answer for. I'm going to be honest, I haven't been active in fandom spaces for many years because while interacting in fandom spaces can be really encouraging and create a wonderful community, it can be really toxic too, which I don't think is a controversial take. I don't think I have room to talk on this subject because I am a person who isn't social and who experiences social anxiety. I'm very sensitive and just a bad experience or two is enough to poison an entire thing that I liked and make me give up on it, so I really avoid going into bigger and more generalized fandom spaces. I live by the rule of creating my one little tiny corner and then making everything in it work for me, and if other people see it and like it then they can come and hang out and we can all have a nice chill time, but if I see something I don't like, then I'm very liberal with my block button and policing my own internet experience. This blog is the little corner I've made recently! So far everyone who has joined me here as been so sweet, kind, and encouraging and that has been so good! It makes me want to make even more things and then I get so excited because the things I've made have apparently inspired other people to make their own things too! That feedback loop of inspiration and encouragement is definitely the best and most healthy thing that can come out of fandom experiences to me!

#tanco speaks #writer asks #asks #ask

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coolcattime · 9 months

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🤲 & ☯️

also! if you’re okay with it, could you go into what would’ve happened in Still in the Night? You set up Mianite as an antagonist, and I’m curious to see where that would’ve gone in the story. I’d love to know more if you okay with sharing!

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

What I get out of writing is mostly getting the jumble of ideas out of my head and like into a mostly coherent form that's typically thousands of words long. Like it feels like an accomplishment and also it makes my head a bit less jumbled! Like, even if not as full stories/fics that I'm actively posting, I typically have somewhere between 2 and 4 stories I'm actively working on at any one time so getting them written down just feels nice.

Also it lets me fill the massive amount of notebooks I own with stuff! (which is good since, while most of them are currently in the attic, I own so so many notebooks)

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

So I think that social media interactions make healthy fandom experiences mostly by giving every aspect of a fandom the ability to be seen and found by people who want to see it. Like I write f/f rare pairs in a fandom with like 10ish active people but people still see and interact with my work and that's so cool.

I do have some social anxiety, which kinda interacts weirdly online. I've never had all that much trouble posting my own stuff, but interacting with others has always been something anxiety inducing. I've kinda found a way to deal with it by thinking about how I'd like other people to interact with me and my content, and giving that energy when interacting with others work, if that makes sense.

And yeah you can definitely ask about Still in the Night! I had the first act mostly planned, though that was mostly relationship build ups before the festival. So, Sonja getting used to her new surroundings and becoming more confident that she isn't less than anyone else. As well as building friendship with Jordan, and Capsize. Capsize was going to have relationship stuff building with Ianite and Sonja, since this was going to be a poly ship story.

For the Mianite as a villain, the first act ended with his first move into being the main villain of the story. At the festival, a Mianitee ship was going to arrive. The crew was small since they weren't there for a full scale invasion, but rather to capture high-ranking Ianitees while they were distracted (and also mostly unarmed). I had the idea of making it look like there were two groups, one going after Capsize and the other after Jordan. With the first reveal being that the "group" after Jordan was actually just Tucker and he was trying to rescue Sonja. Sonja doesn't want to be rescued by this point, and is frankly suspicious of the idea that there was a plan to rescue her. Which Tucker would admit wasn't quite the actual plan. Meanwhile Capsize puts up as good a fight as she can against multiple people while unarmed, but gets subdued and captured. She uses the silver bird to communicate with Ianite what happened.

There were a couple of details that I hadn't decided, namely if Tucker managed to make it back to the ship with the captured Capsize, or got subdued by Jordan and therefore stuck with the Ianitees, either of which would've changed the story quite a bit. And then I had the vague idea of Tom being captured alongside Capsize to give her someone to interact with (and also bring some Dianite stuff into the story).

#i typically have the first act of any fic planned from the beginning #so i'm like good to answer questions about the mass amount of unfinished ones #i did look to see if I had an unpublished chapter for Still in the Night but if I do it wasn't typed up #and the notebook with that fic is in the attic #so i hope the answers i could give here were enough!#ask #ask game #licantropa

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staycalmandhugaclone · 10 months

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Hey Jenna! This is more of a private DM that you don't have to post but I just wanted to say I'm sorry about all the drama going on in the community lately. I saw your 'correction' post and just wanted to share a few things: 1. I am SO happy to know that I'm not alone in the 'older' fic readers on this site. I'm almost 30 so I usually feel shy interacting with a lot of the blogs I read and support because I feel that I am so out of the element haha. It's nice to know someone else here is in the same life phase as me (Just moved into our first home and getting married next year! No kids yet but in the future for sure) 2. With that said, I have a full time job that pays for that mortgage and that wedding- and friend, it is STRESSFUL. You get it. So after a stressful day of work responsibilities, wedding planning, family craziness, wedding paying (did I mention the stress yet?) I just want to let my mind escape to somewhere more wonderful. That's where this site comes in but more specifically that's where you come in. Your stories have truly given me so much joy and comfort in ways I didn't know could be satisfied. I don't have a lot of friends who enjoy some of the things like I do (Don't get me wrong, they are fantastic but none of them would be willing to talk for hours on end about Hunter's waist, Echo's gentleness or how handsome Rex is when he's serious haha) Your series with Doc is truly one of the best stories I've read in a very long time- and I love to read! There's just something about how you capture pure emotion and your words truly feel like a dance as I read through Doc's internal monologue. It's a long-winded way to say that I appreciate your work here and even though I may not be as active as others, I very much look forward to when you post and when I have the time each week to come here and read what you've done. I hope you don't feel discouraged when someone comes on here with such entitlement they feel they are owed your work. I am just happy to see that notification turn on whenever you post, no matter the time between.

I hope you don't mind my answering this - I kinda went back and fourth given your initial comment (I'll delete this if you didn't want it to be public!!)

But I wanted to say, on so many levels: Thank you

Thank you for taking the time to write such a heart-felt note. Thank you for putting yourself in such a vulnerable position as to share your age group (and thank you for making me feel not so alone in that! There are a couple of us on here, but it does feel a bit rare lol), and thank you for your incredible warmth and support! So many people in this fandom strive to enjoy our shared passions and use that connection to bolster others, but, unfortunately, greed and envy are human conditions and are bound to make themselves known in such a thriving and varied community. All we can do is stand together when that happens and try to help those who are hurt when those emotions cause people to lash out. For what it's worth, the friend that I mentioned who was so terribly bullied is still on here and still creative amazing works, and has found themselves in an amazing little family of supportive, loving friends.

Also, can I just say: CONGRATULATIONS!! What an incredible time in your life! New home, new husband, and, maybe soon, a growing family of your own! I have to admit something here: I hated dealing with almost every aspect of my wedding. My mother was amazing, my friends were supportive, but, gawd, that is just not my scene. I wanted to do the courthouse thing and have a fun little ceremony in the woods, which is, decidedly, not what happened lmfao. So I sincerely hope your wedding is everything you want it to be, but, even moreso, I hope the honeymoon and the many, many years that follow are even better! And I am so, so honored that my little blurbs of self-indulgence grant you even brief moments of reprieve from the very real and overwhelming stress of your crazy life.

Thank you

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thetragicallynerdy · 10 months

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All the fic writer ask questions are so interesting - I couldn't decide on one (or even a few) so please just choose the one(s) you'd like to answer the most!

Aww thanks friend!! Okay okay I went with these ones because they were calling to me:

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

So - I think it really depends on how you engage, but fandom isn't really fandom without some sort of community aspect. I say this as someone who lurked at the edges of fandoms for about 15 years before finally picking up writing, joining a discord server and fandom tumblr, and really becoming involved. Fandom before I started engaging was a sort of space that was fun to visit, but that I didn't feel any sort of belonging to - it wasn't until I actually started actively engaging that it became a community I was a part of. And community is lovely! We all need community, we're social creatures, etc. Engaging with so many different people in fandom also gets you out of your own head and experiences, and can be a really beautiful thing. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone has led to some absolutely wonderful friendships, and a community that I'm really grateful to be a part of <3

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

This is something that I still actively struggle with in different ways - I mainly write for small ships and small fandoms and it can lead to a lot of "well why aren't people noticing my work" type thoughts. I think the things that have helped me the most are:

being careful of my social media use and expectations around posting. I don't use twitter much because it isn't a healthy place for me re: fandom jealousy (and many other factors, but that's one of them). I also have all notifications off on sites like tumblr, so I'm not constantly watching for responses to things.

reminding myself that the responses to a fic don't really mean anything in regards to how well its written or how good it is - sometimes things just resonate with some people! I've gotten a TON of responses to what i consider one of my weaker works, and very few responses to other things that I consider my best work.

i am lucky and have some absolutely amazing readers and also amazing friends who hype up my work - finding those one or two people is so helpful! because it can change it from feeling like writing was pointless to remembering that 'hey, i'm writing for these people that i think will love this'.

for me personally, feeling bad about how a fic is doing is also often a sign that there's some other area of my life where my needs aren't being met - either i'm lonely, or a bit anxious, or sad, etc. So sometimes looking at 'what need am i trying to meet with this and why isn't it working' is helpful!

I think overall it is a PROCESS to disentangle the "my worth is tied to my work and people's love of it" and the more you practice the easier it gets - and if you notice it's particularly bad right then, it can be a good time to take a step back and re-evaluate your needs!

Thanks for the open ask pal <3 I hope you have a lovely day!!

Fic writer ask game can be found here for the curious!

#ask game #fic writer ask game #zombiethingy

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figbian · 1 year

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thanks @sharpbutsoft for the tag <33

rules: recommend three of your own fics (1 most popular, two hidden gems) then tag some people!

tagging: @mercymorns @warmsafflinas @cathedralbells @stillmadaboutpetra + whoever else wants to (just say i tagged you!)