#Like naw dawg i have to perform socially and be in an uncomfortable environment for 6+ hours and have to be on guard every minute

[mrfoox]

'so what would you like to do (as work)? If you could get to do anything, without anything holding you back?'

Me, sweating bc I haven't dreamt of a job since I was 7 and wanted to be a dentist: haha

#miranda talking shit #My therapist really is trying but honey... I havent decided if i want to be alive yet.... #'uh... Nothing ... My solve reason id ever work would be from guilt and necessity. I have nothing id want to do. I dont WANT to finish #High school but it is basically an requirement for any low paying job here so its basically a given... I myself have no want or drive to #Work or study (: (i can barely force myself to do things i enjoy and struggle greatly with basic things like food exercise and balance irl)' #First time ive ever admitted i dont actually WANT to do anything lmao... Every offical person and even my mom i just say i guess i want to #Finish high school.... Just so they get some answer and think a little more of me lol #The older i get the more honest im becoming and the more depressing my existence is.... #'miranda you have on paper by doctors that you are depressed and too sick to work and is allowed to be home . Its not something you should #Be ashamed for. Youre not doing anything wrong its just how it is right now. You have the right to do that ' haha... Ok but we both know im #Hogging tax payers money and should have been eliminated long ago but okay haha #Mentioned like... Another type of therapy where one goes out to do things they want to do and then will be able to get energy to do things #They dont want to do (chores etc etc) and im like... Uh... Ok but i feel too guilty to even play video games which is my hobby and when i do #I kinda just feel guilty instead of enjoying it uh... But ...... Uh.... Yeah #Everything just tires me. Like the idea of some kind of work or even just events to go out of the house just sounds exhausting #Like that would be like the school environment which i have always struggled with! Even if school had no grades and was all just a place kid #Went to hang out I'd not want to go. Id be uncomfortable and still feel like shit. Less like shit but still shit? #And its hard to explain to people bc theyre like ah yes you struggle with the expectations set on you only i see #Like naw dawg i have to perform socially and be in an uncomfortable environment for 6+ hours and have to be on guard every minute #Among 95% of people i dont like or want to be around AND THEN forced to work and concentrate and shit #The situation in itself is just . .. Awful. I never did great in school but i still passed with at least E-D in all subjects... And that #I did without like... Doing any research or homework one need to 'study' for... Because i tried it for one period and none of my teachers #Seemed to notice it and i didn't do better so like... Why spend 90% more of your mental energy if the end results is still the same as when #You just swing it? Im not smart and im sure i could 'do better' and manage something if i actually wanted to do it or someone helped me #But like that ship has sailed. I got way off track and lost my point but uh i just ... Hate the social aspect of school and since our sociey #Is mostly built in that way unless you work at some small business or such its uh... I cant see myself ever enjoying working... #Negative