#Like man fucking Phineas and Ferb is so much more fun to look at than big mouth jfkslgl

[meowzahzzz]

bowser headcanons ft. evil gn reader  ( ♡ )

last one went rly well and i wanted to do something fun...... i did a bit of a redeeming thing for bowser in the previous one, but what if ur both fucked up and evil. couple goals. that one evil love song from phineas and ferb

there’s no fancy, elaborate way to say it: you are bowser’s soulmate.

would he be willing to give up (mostly) his life of evil for his partner? of course.

but a partner who ENCOURAGES it? you’re never getting rid of him.

you and bowser’s first scheme is to make it seem as though you’ve been kidnapped and you’re just a poor damsel, needing to be rescued.

mario, obviously, takes the bait, only to find out it was an elaborate trap.

instead of finding you in a cell, he finds himself in one.

this sparks the other characters like luigi and peach to try and save mario, but with you and bowser as their foes, it’s certainly no easy task.

oh man, the bonding time you two will have tormenting mario together ♡

if you’re more of the manipulative, strategist kind of evil (as opposed to bowser’s menacing strength and brute force approach), he definitely appreciates your efforts. even if he doesn’t really... understand them like you do.

bowser is the figurehead, so to speak, but he’s more than happy to give you the credit you deserve when you start making plans.

bowser finds it especially maniacal if, before tricking mario into getting captured, you try and befriend the pesky plumbers and the princess.

you create this facade of being a nice person, and then BOOM! they all see you for the evil genius you are.

or if you’re the same kind of “big tough guy” evil like bowser, you two will get along even more than before.

it makes things harder for kamek, as he needs to corral both of you into doing your evil deeds as planned instead of destroying whatever’s in your path.

but who cares? it’s fun!

either way, bowser is as happy as can be.

and you’re a great influence on the koopalings.

i imagine it’s like the addams family where the koopalings try to murder each other and rather than trying to stop them, you help them along.

you see iggy chasing after lemmy with a flail and you stop him in his tracks.

“is that for your brother?” you ask scoldingly.

you take the flail from him and instead hand him a machete that’s even bigger than him.

life continues as normal ♡

and this is definitely you reading stories to the koopalings LMAO

SPEAKING OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY...

you are the morticia to bowser’s gomez.

if you thought this king worshipped you before, he’s practically kissing the ground you walk on.

there’s nothing more beautiful (and hot) to him than you being as malicious and evil as possible.

you’ll catch him giving you heart eyes as you torment some poor, innocent toads.

of course you two are to marry immediately. this is TRUE LOVE.

for the reception, you’ll rain on the mushroom kingdom’s parade and cause some chaos.

and for the honeymoon, you’ll invade another kingdom and make it your vacation resort.

the servants and soldiers of bowser’s army see you the same way they do bowser: terrifying.

you might be more approachable in comparison, but with the way you have bowser wrapped around your finger?

you could sic bowser after anyone and he’d leave them looking like a torn-up ragdoll.

speaking of which, he’s very protective.

he understands you’re very capable, he has no doubts.

but he very much wants to prove to you and the entire world that he values and worships you.

and that means he’s not gonna let some jerk try and mess with you.

or, in most cases, have anyone even slightly inconvenience you.

you usually have to keep him on a metaphorical leash (though i don’t think he’d entirely object to an actual one wink) but sometimes it’s fun to let him go apeshit on a poor, random person just because you can.

if you’re comfortable with PDA, bowser is going to be all over you.

to him, you are his king/queen, and everyone should see how lucky he is to have you.

it’s like he’s bragging.

very smugly smiling as he stands next to you like “yeah that’s right THEY’RE with ME and not you 😈”

and he loves if you initiate it too, hanging off of his arm, or even small things like going to touch his shoulder or arm in reassurance.

no defeat ever puts a wedge between the two of you.

if anything, it brings you closer together with the growing hatred of those damn mario brothers.

you two are MADE for each other. no doubt about it.

and everyone would be so happy for you, if you two weren’t trying to destroy their lives with the power of your love.

#I LOVE THIS #THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!! #bowser x reader #bowser #nintendo #nintendo x reader #super mario #super mario bros #f/o #self insert

[puckrph]

SHIT MY FRIENDS HAVE SAID PART 5

feel free to change pronouns, etc.

“i’m serving only the coldest, stalest opinions in this chilis tonight.” “this man is girlbossing WAY too close to the sun right now, which is bad, because he’s a vampire.” “he looks like if they peeled the grinch.” “i wish desolation row gerard way had me by the throat for real” “absolutely insane in shows and movies when people don’t have their window screens down. you’re just raw dogging life like that?” “it’s not sadistic if your players can take it.” “i’m doing this all in the service of the christian god, so it’s fine.” “wine-horny is what the fuck or die trope is about.” “it’s hot gay serial killer vampire summer” “[in a yoda voice] MMM. CUNT, THEY ARE SERVING.” “boytoy, enable kill mode.” “your father eats tomatoes like a beast of a man.” “you fool. my muppet-like behavior has blinded you to my competency.” “you people need to calm down.” “you know it’s a good joke when i start whimpering like a hurt dog.” “i’m insulted to my core. are you questioning my patriotism? my dedication to this country? my belief that the american dream is witnessing two f-150’s making passionate love on 690? i’ll have your badge and your head, [NAME].” “your influence is both vast and perplexing.” “putting your blood through a brita filter is discount dialysis.” “people is like sauce: more is better.” “hell would be more fun than this, i think.” “hard to believe the same studio made two games where you get to run around, steal vehicles, and be an asshole, if you want.” “pda stands for people doing atheism.” “first of all, through the power of keanu reeves all things are possible, so jot that down.” “i don’t feel like his name should be david. i feel like it should be… giancarlo.” “you aren’t laughing or loving this, and soon you won’t be living either!” “did i ever tell you about the dream i had where baljeet from phineas and ferb got lightning powers and fought in the clone wars.” “everyone is bullying so much about cooking meat that i simply must become vegan.” “i’m gonna deep clean you out of my life.” “the only difference between a twink and a frat boy is a limp wrist.” “he’s right, of course, i am going to do that. but still.” “what is a roommate if not blorbo from your house?” “i just realized that i’m going to medieval times for the first time on the destiel putin election anniversary. none of those words are in the king james bible. how am i going to cope.” “body dysmorphia? yes, but you can hang dong like nobody’s business.” “he can’t do anything wrong, he’s too cute.” “so many people eat an orange normally. isn’t it better, really, to do it like a weirdo?” “i’m probably in the top 98th percentile of pez dispenser information knowers by the way. most don’t know that about me.” “there is always further to fall from god’s grace.” “jesus is rizzin’?? amogus???” “you think i could gauge the emotions or feeling of any human beings in high school?” “sorry, the coffee never actually kicked in so i’m stupid now.” “the bar for men is so low. just be fun, slay, and be a little fruity!” “i feel like JC probably has some hilarious lines in the quran.” “side note: does anyone else initially read FMA as ‘fuck my alchemist.’” “astigmatism is when you have an eye issue and stigmata is when you have the wounds of christ, right? because i was at the eye doctor and he said ‘looks like we need to correct a stigmata in your eye’ and i was like come again?” “surely the micro plastics and lead cancel each other out, you’ll be fine.” “schrodinger’s sports call: the call exists in a quantum state of correct and bullshit until i figure out how it affects my guys.” “oh, tom waits makes some good songs. he just sounds like a gravel beach got a wish to become a real boy.”

#sentence starters #rp sentence starters #rp memes #askbox memes

[bi-vexual]

i've never seen an episode of rick & morty in my life but every time i see a screenshot or a gifset or a clipped scene somewhere i have to wonder why ~edgy adult cartoons~ are so intent on having the ugliest fucking art style you have ever seen

#I don't get it oh my god they're so visually u pleasing #And I'm not even talking about the dark muddy colors although that's part of it. All their character designs look like complete shit lmao #Not just r&m either. It's about all adult cartoons #They're visually so insanely unappealing that that alone makes me not wanna watch any of them lmao #Like who told these studios that adults don't like seeing pretty things? 😭 #Just compare something like she-ra to fucking rick n morty #Even though it's intended for kids she-ra is STUNNING. everything is so pretty and there is clearly so much love put into every frame #And character and background #Whereas with adult cartoons it straight up looks like the creators themselves hate their cartoon lmao they all look so uninspired and #Frankly? Kinda lifeless lol #Don't know it's always bothered me so much and I think that's one of the reasons why I've never watched any of the adult cartoons #If you get to draw a whole world why wouldn't you make fun designs??? You can literally draw WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! Your character can have #Anything you want! Anything!! Wings!! Horns!! Tails!! Anything lmao #And you choose Generic White Male Number 5 In A T-Shirt???? WHY JFKSFK #Like man fucking Phineas and Ferb is so much more fun to look at than big mouth jfkslgl #The only adult cartoon I actually find pretty cool looking is bojack and I still intent on watching it some day #And btw I'm completely not talking about the story that's a whole different topic #I'm just talking about anesthetics

[nessinborderland]

Be Mine (04)

Pairing: Niragi x Reader / Chishiya x Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Omegaverse

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary: You were able to stay unbounded throughout your life. You didn’t want an Alpha; you didn’t need one. You would rather die than to give yourself to some random male. But the man that saved your life thinks differently.

Warnings: Alpha/Omega, Dubious Consent, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Finger fucking, Rough Sex, Rough Kissing, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Drama, Developing Relationship, Past Abuse, Scars, Death, Blood and Gore, Animal Death

Notes: Okay so, not much to say about this chapter. You'll find out why :) Please mind the new tags :) we don't want anyone getting triggered here. Fun fact: every time I write "x growled" I imagine Perry the platypus from Phineas and Ferb doing his signature growl lmao. Cracks me up every time :D

AO3 Link        Masterlist

Game, “Akazukin: Red Riding Hood.”

Everyone’s eyes are locked on the screen.

“Red Riding Hood has to run from the Big Bad Wolf while being protected by the Huntsman,” starts the robotic voice. “One person will be Red Riding Hood, while the others will be divided into two groups: the Big Bad Wolf and the Huntsman.”

“What the- “

“Clear conditions,” the voice continues, “Whoever manages to bring Red Riding Hood to the final checkpoint, wins. The time limit is thirty minutes. After thirty minutes, the losing group dies. If after thirty minutes no one is in possession of Red Riding Hood, both groups die. Is instant Game Over if Red Riding Hood dies or refuses to follow the rules.”

You were terrified of this tale as a child; you had nightmares of an actual wolf coming in the night and devouring you and your mom. Then you had grown up and realized how the tale could be interpreted as a warning to Omegas when it comes to Alphas and their manipulative nature. That hadn’t changed your opinion on the story.

The screen changes to white.

“Now for the groups,” says the voice once again, “Red Riding Hood- “

You gasp; it’s you. It’s a picture of you. You’re Red Riding Hood.

“Big Bad Wolf- “

Your eyes go wide again; Niragi and Chishiya.

“How unoriginal of them,” you hear Chishiya remark with a huff.

“The Huntsman-” and it shows the faces of everybody else in the game. There’s a pregnant pause where everyone just stares down at their phones as it dings.

“Rules,” reads the voice, “No outside weapons allowed. There are axes, as well as other useful weapons hidden throughout the area that are only to be used by the Huntsman. The Big Bad Wolf is not allowed to use any weapons besides the ones already in their possession.”

“What weapons?” you ask no one in specific as you look at Chishiya and Niragi.

They both raise their hands as Chishiya simply replies, “Claws.”

You make a surprised sound, “How are you supposed to protect yourselves like that!?”

They both look at you, and this time is Niragi that says, “I don’t know about this dog but I can do a lot with these.” You don’t fail to notice the threat in his voice as he looks down at Chishiya. The other man just huffs out a laugh.

“The game will commence in five minutes,” says the voice in a cheery tone, “Use that time wisely.”

A commotion erupts as everyone starts realizing what the game consists of. You can’t believe it yourself; you’re nothing more than a pawn in this game. Shouts of “We have to fight two Alphas to death?” and “We can do this, there’s a lot of us.” start all around you. Someone is crying. Some people just run into the dark. You ignore the loud voices around you and focus on your phone as it lights up.

If you stop running or hiding, it’s game over. If you show yourself to the Wolf, it’s game over. If you try to cheat in any way, game over. 

A hand on your shoulder makes you jump. Niragi is looking at you with that expression you hate; betrayal and pain. But now there's also serious determination.

"No matter what you do, you can't stop running," he says. "This seems way too easy for a Ten of Spades, so watch your back."

"What about you?" you ask, eager to cover his hand with yours.

"Oh, so now you worry about me?" he retorts with a bite to his words. You can't help but flinch when his hand drops to his side and his expression changes to a mean smirk. "I'll live so I can kill that motherfucker and make you regret the moment you fucked him." 

"Niragi I- " 

"Save it," he turns your back to you. "I don't wanna hear it." 

You see him walk away, approaching the two other militants that came with him. At least the imminent game made him pause his murder attempt. You take a glance at Chishiya, who is still focused on the screen. You wonder what is going through his head; if you know something about Chishiya is that he always catches details others don’t.

"You!" someone pushes you in the back, and you fall to your knees before you can balance yourself "Who the hell are you?”

Two different growls sound at the same time someone lunges themselves to whoever pushed you. You look up to see Chishiya in front of you in a protective stance. You take the hand he offers you and stand up to see Niragi, currently on the ground punching a man.

“Niragi stop!” you scream. He either ignores you or doesn’t hear you. No one else tries to stop it either; Chishiya simply because he doesn’t care, and everyone else out of fear. The man being beaten tries to fight back but is clearly at a disadvantage. You gasp when you see Niragi’s fingers take the shape of claws. You jump, grabbing his arm before he can slice the man right in the face. “Stop!”

Niragi looks back at you with yellow eyes, and you see as his hand takes a human form again. You pull him out of the crying and bleeding man on the ground. He doesn’t make any effort to stop you. His eyes are locked on you, still animal-like.

“You- you’re part of the game, aren’t you!?” coughs the man Niragi had punched. He sits down holding his nose, quickly dragging himself away from the other man. “You- you have to be!”

“E- Excuse me? you shakily ask in a confused tone. 

“You’re not even a player, you’re just part of the game!” the man continues, “Are you gonna tell me that is a coincidence that this game is the way it is?! All you have to do is follow some rules! You live either way!”

You shake your head, “I- I am not sure what you’re implying, but I have nothing to do with this!" you reply. You confess that yes, you think it’s a big coincidence you got the role you got, but you’re not involved. You had no idea.

The man takes a step in your direction, but Niragi puts himself in the way.

“Watch it,” he says in a commanding tone. “Remember who you’re talking to.” The man holds his stare for a moment, before looking down and taking a step back. Niragi turns to the rest of the group. “Whatever you shitheads are thinking, she’s not involved in any of this. So, unless you wanna die before the game even begins, I advise you to shut up and focus on the game.” The corner of his lips pull up in a smirk, and you see the glint of fangs. “May the best wolf win.”

He then turns to you and your eyes lock. You want to talk to him, explain how and why things happened the way they happened. But you can’t say anything, not when he steps closer with a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“You’re wasting time, go!” Niragi orders as he pushes you forward. You stumble a little as you start walking into the dark park. You look back at him and Chishiya, and you nod to each other; they will be able to find you. You’ll be alright. They will be alright.

You bolt into the night. You can barely see anything in the dark, except for the shadows that the moonlight helps casting. You just know you have to run, or you’re dead; they’re dead. The conversation from moments ago keeps playing in your head; could it be possible that this game was made specifically for you? But how would they know that the three of you would be in the same game? It sounded so far fetched; but also...possible.

Hunting horns blast through the air, making you jump and cover your ears at the awful sound. You know what it means.

Game Start.

You start hearing rustling and footsteps behind you as the other players soon follow in your steps; if to catch you or find a weapon, that you don't know. You keep running until you’re out of breath, stopping for just a few seconds behind a large tree. Your legs are shaking and your lungs are burning. The area around you is silent though, and that gives you some peace of mind. You close your eyes and sniff the air. Nothing. 

You’re about to start running again to look for an actual hiding place when a sound makes you freeze in your tracks.

A howl.

And not from a regular wolf. You recognize it instantly.

Never in your life had you heard a werewolf howl until now. After the war, an Alpha fully transforming very rarely happened. The ones that did only transformed in extreme situations, usually to protect a loved one. The regular individual would not transform not even once in his lifetime. And here you are, hearing two of them. It awakes something primitive in you, and every single hair on your body stands up in a shiver. You have an impulse to howl too, but control it at the last second; you’re not doing that. You’re not an animal, as much as the wolf inside you likes to prove you wrong.

You’re startled when a hand covers your mouth, something cold pressing against your neck. You try to move, but the blade nibs at your skin. So you stop, trying to control your breathing.

“Don’t you dare to make a sound.” whispers a male voice. “I’ll chop a finger for every sound you make.”

You give a trembling nod, letting yourself be dragged by the unknown man. He’s way taller and stronger than you, so you don’t even try to fight back. You notice he’s not alone. What seems to be two young girls walk behind you, whispering in agitated voices. 

“Kai, are you sure the checkpoint is this way?” asks one of the girls in a low tone.

The man grabbing you, Kai, shushes her and stops. You can hear him sniff the air, probably looking for signs of an Alpha close by. He suddenly pushes you against a nearby tree and locks eyes with you. You’re surprised to see that Kai is not much older than a highschool boy.

“Mira, press this against her neck,” he whispers to one of the girls. She approaches you, trembling hands holding the small ax against your skin. The boy stabilizes her grip before nodding, “Don’t let her move or make a sound,” he says looking into the girl’s eyes. “If you do and those Alphas hear us, we all die.”

If you’re honest with yourself, you would stay quiet either way; the last thing you want is the blood of those kids in your hands. You watch as Kai takes a map from his pocket, opening it and analyzing it for a few moments.

“If this map can be trusted I’m pretty sure the checkpoint is this house right here,” he points at a place on the map and then ahead on the path, “About three kilometers that way. We can do this.” he checks his phone. “C’mon, we only have about twenty minutes.”

You have been walking for a short moment when the smell hits you.

One of them is close; Niragi, you’re pretty sure. The others smell him too, and you notice in the dark as their eyes widen in a panic and they start running, pulling you with them. You can hear him as he gets closer, like a monster in the night. You try to ignore the exhilarating feeling that goes through you at being chased by him; it’s just like the first time you met.

One of the girls trips and falls right behind you. You flinch at hearing her screaming get louder until it abruptly stops. The other two kids hesitate before Kai stops, pushing you and the other girl to keep running. The girl, Mira, grabs your hand as you both run, and you can hear her crying.

A far away whimper of pain makes you stop in your tracks; one of the Alphas was injured.

“We have to go, please!” begs Mira as she pulls your hand, “Please, we have to-”

Mira’s words are cut short when she falls and you’re pulled down with her. You gasp in pain as you hit the ground, arm stretched into whatever hole the girl fell into. You hear a scream, then silence, as you hear a sound you can’t quite place. It’s dark and you’re not sure of your surroundings, but you could swear that hole on the ground wasn’t there seconds ago.

You’re about to ask if she is okay when the metallic smell of blood hits your nostrils. You squint in the dark, trying to see something in the black hole. The moonlight appears out of nowhere, and you can finally see. You gag when you notice the contorted body of the girl, now impaled in wood spikes. Her eyes are wide, mouth open in a permanent scream.

There are traps.

There are traps everywhere and you can’t see them.

You drag yourself away from the hole, feeling a panic attack start to form as you struggle to get air inside your lungs. You try to shake the image of the dead girl from your mind, shakily rising to your feet. Your phone gives an alarming beep, and you take a look at the screen to realize you have been in the same place for too long. You have to keep moving.

You shake the tears from your eyes and walk by the hole without a second look. 

A scream far behind you snaps you out of your stupor, and you immediately take off running again. You don’t want to think about what might be happening. Despite their numbers, you can’t imagine how Betas can ever win against two fully transformed Alphas.

You’re running through an open field now, surrounded by flowers that you can barely see. A noise to your left makes you look at the line of trees, but you can’t find the source of the sound. 

You’re so distracted that you don’t notice the open trap right in front of you.

You scream as the dented iron snaps around your ankle, pain sparking up your leg. You fall to the ground like a bag of potatoes, and immediately try to open the trap up. But you’re not strong enough, and the iron teeth just dig deeper into your skin. You control a sob as the pain and panic grow; you have to keep moving. You have to hide. A sound, now closer, makes you stop whimpering, and you hold your breath as you see them.

No, not Niragi and Chishiya.

No, not the Huntsman either.

Wolves. Real, wild, one hundred percent animal wolves. A pack of them. No more than twenty meters from you.

You stay still, hoping that they won’t take an interest in you.

But no. Of course that’s not what happens. 

You look around for something to defend yourself with, but you’re defenseless. Here you are, trapped, wounded, on the ground, and without any means of defending yourself. The wolves approach you slowly, like they know you have no means of escaping. They start surrounding you.

“Stay away!” you scream, shaking your arms in hope that the movement will scare them away. “Shoo!”

It does not.

One of the bigger wolves prepares himself to jump. You close your eyes with a sob, waiting for the moment they will tear you apart. 

He’s here.

You feel the air shift as a big dark form covers you. You’re now completely involved in his scent; cinnamon and wood. You keep your eyes closed and brace yourself. The air is filled with the sound of growls and whimpers and teeth ripping flesh. Something warm and wet splatters on you and you know it’s blood. A loud whimper of pain, a strange mix between a wolf and a human, makes you snap your eyes open.

In the moonlight, he’s huge. Terrifying. Beautiful. Bodies of wolves are on the ground. The survivors try to fight the much bigger werewolf. His fur is black as a raven’s feathers, thick and glossy and matted with blood. You can’t look away until he’s done.

Niragi is clearly tired and injured. Saliva drips from his open jaws as he takes labored breaths. He turns to you, and you notice one of his paws is practically mangled, a shine of white bone contrasting with the black fur. A big oozing laceration runs down one of his flanks, and you’re not sure if it was done by an axe or a wolf.

You snap out of your freezing state and make a move to go to him. You scream when the trap still around your ankle makes itself known. He’s on you in less than a second, hovering over you as his snout touches your leg lightly. You can’t resist the temptation to touch him, grabbing the fur of his neck and pressing your face against him.

You feel him when he suddenly changes back into a human, and your face is now pressed on his bare skin. You notice he’s naked, pale skin now almost fully covered in blood and dirt. A cut you haven’t noticed in his wolf form now clearly shows on his forehead, making blood run down his face like a waterfall.

“Niragi-” is all you manage to say. You want to cry, ask him if he’ll be okay. You panic again when you notice how much time you have left; probably not more than ten minutes. Niragi says nothing as he focuses on opening the trap with a grunt. You let out a cry of relief as the thing leaves your ankle. The wound bleeds profusely, so you take off your top, tying a makeshift bandage around the injury with the help of Niragi.

He finally looks you in the eyes as he helps you to your feet, supporting you against him.

“Y/N we-”

That’s all he manages to say.

The next moments happen so fast you can barely process it. 

An arrow comes flying out of nowhere, burying itself into Niragi’s chest. His eyes go wide as he looks at you, a surprised expression in his eyes. You watch him with an open mouth as his eyes turn to gold for a moment. Then he falls to the ground. Rough hands grab you and pull you. Someone is screaming; you realize later that it’s you. Other voices laugh and they sound...excited? Happy? You can’t understand why. You trash around in an effort to get free. Whoever grabbed you punches you right in the face. For a moment, all you see is black with sparks of white. You hear a faint, “We only have five minutes!”. No. Niragi and Chishiya have to find you. They promised. They can’t die. Then you’ll be alone again.

Someone screams again. Loud voices. People running all around you. You hit the ground with force enough to take the air out of your lungs. Someone tries to grab you again, but their grip disappears like they have been pulled away. Tears are streaming down your face, but you can’t open your eyes. You can’t stand up. You hear the familiar sound of a wolf growl.

Niragi? 

No; peppermint and rain. 

Then you feel something warm touching you. You feel soft fur under your skin. Then it’s like you’re flying. You grab onto whatever is moving under you out of instinct. You know you have to hold on tight. You try to focus, but it’s too much. 

Then nothing. Darkness. You’re not sure if you lost consciousness or not. A loud sound, similar to a siren, is what makes you open your eyes. You’re on the ground, stone cold under you as you try to sit up, covering your eyes from the sudden bright lights. 

A cheery tone comes from your pocket. You stare at the phone; Game clear.

You finally look around, and there he is.

A big white wolf. 

Not as big as Niragi, but still impressive. His white fur is covered in blood; if his or someone else’s, you can’t say. Your vision turves as you try to stand up and lose your balance. He catches you before you can fall, teeth gently grabbing your jacket. You stare at him in confusion; what the hell just happened? A spark of pain makes you look down at your ankle. Memories come rushing back.

You gasp. No. It can’t be.

“Chishiya, where’s Niragi?” you ask in a trembling voice. His cold eyes stare at you for a moment too long. You’re about to make a move to find Niragi yourself when the white wolf changes right in front of you. Like Niragi, the man is naked and mostly covered in blood. There’s a cut on his arm, still bleeding. A wave of concern runs over you, and you feel yourself panic even more. He sighs before his eyes lock on you.

“He’s dead.”

Next Chapter

#alice in borderland #alice in borderland fanfic #niragi suguru #chishiya shuntaro #niragi x reader #niragi fic #chishiya x reader #also on ao3

[number5theboy]

The notes I took while reading the comics are under the cut. These are not my ordered thoughts, just thoughts I had while reading. I’ll write something more coherent a bit later, once my thoughts are sorted better than these

APOCALYPSE SUITE

Diego repeatedly stabbed a Caravaggio, which just personally offends me. Also @ Reginald the fact that you left a Caravaggio in reach of your KIDS, who have KNIVES, is just as insulting. Someone save that Caravaggio since anything and anyone else is beyond saving

“Inexplicable resemblance to an Ingmar Bergmann extra” askjdsgbkdsbhsd Gerard sir that is so oddly specific. Is Reginald an Ingmar Bergman fan. Is that what you’re trying to tell us. Or is Klaus just a silent movie type

Right off the bat, the comics universe is so much more interesting than the show universe. They have boxers who beat up squids like??? Give us an adaptation with the comic world, preferably animated

The kiddos were all born to “mostly single women” dsbksdgbksdgbdsg??? Did the magical alien thingamajig check their relationship status first?

“Inventor of The Televator, The Levitator, The Mobile Umbrella Communicator, and Clever Crisp Cereal” dgdsghsgdhjsdkjhg Reginald names his inventions like Dr. Doofenschmirtz from Phineas and Ferb

Also the page that reveals/introduces Reginald is SO good, just the panelling and the action tells you so much. There’s dead bodies and excavations and masks in addition to text. It’s great.

“The Day The Eiffel Tower Went Berserk” is an EXCELLENT hook to a story

“It’s your Eiffel Tower, it’s gone insane and must be stopped at all costs.” Dksgdhjbkgsdhjbdsghjb the show could never

This comic keeps disrespecting cool art. Why is it doing that to me. Don’t let the musée d’orsay get robbed

Okay, luther came through for me on that

Dsdhlsdghlgsdhldsh the siblings arguing while the Eiffel Tower is falling apart around them had me cackling

“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE” dsbdgsbgsdbdgsbklsd okay diego

“And just as I suspected – ZOMBIE-ROBOT GUSTAVE EIFFEL!” hello I need at least three comics of back lore on this. Why does luther have that hunch. Why is Gustave Eiffel a zombie-robot. How did we get here. Please I want answers

The missing line on the ‘e’ of ‘touché’ makes that dramatic moment way less dramatic and more funny ngl

Oh but you can be bothered to put the accent aigu on ‘séquence’

“And while you lost the Eiffel Tower, you saved Paris.” I am laughing too hard by this point. How dare this be a barely brushed upon adventure. Please I need to know more about zombie-robot Gustave Eiffel

Te Ben-robot makes me emotional and “Only my father calls me Number One”? ouch.

Also for the record, I love Luther’s design SO much

“Hello your father is dead. Please audition for my orchestra for revenge. Many thank. Bye.” Okay Conductor, whatever floats your boat, I guess

“and something worse is coming” dbhsdghbjgshbjsgbjhkgf okay Five, whatever floats your boat I guess

Allison immediately coming in with the ‘I know everyone blames you for Ben’s death, Luther, but honestly, who the fuck knows?’ dsbgbhdgshbsgdhkbj

Klaus has such an entrance and I honestly didn’t know that Claire was a comic character

The introduction to the apocalypse comes SO the fuck out of nowhere, but grumpy little Five with the ‘I knew I shouldn’t have run away from home’ speech bubble? Awesome

Also just genuinely interesting that Five truly hated Reginald and was aware of these feelings

The apocalypse introductions in the show and the comic are going for different feelings but they are both equally devastating, which is a nice touch

Also someone give show! Five a sword

Comic Diego is a fuckboy, and that’s obvious from a hundred paces

Apparently Grace makes me sad in any incarnation

Okay but the backdoor of the Icarus in the show is lifted straight out of the comics

I love the Conductor’s design so much, and his introduction is so good

Oh my god someone get a language checker, The Orchestra Verdammten doesn’t even make grammatical sense

I love the Conductor, he is so extra and just the concept of a piece of music that destroys the world…….it fucks so hard

This comic just throws wild shit at you and expects you to keep up

Just read the instructions Dr. Terminal gave his bots. Is he okay.

Why does Dr. Terminal want to eat Finland. Please I need to know what’s going on in that head of his

Gabriel Ba has excellent comedic timing

Five is a bitch and I love him

Diego hiding in a haunted house…….what a drama queen

Klaus is so fucking funny oh my god

Diego is so hilariously bitter towards Vanya. No need to destroy her like that, asshole

Love how Diego single-handedly brought about the apocalypse. What an idiot.

Dr. Pogo deserves the world

The Vanya reveal of powers is a bit. Uh. Underwhelming. Love the Frankenstein set-up tho

The art, man……..it’s so good

Comic Luther is SO savage holy shit

I love you Mister Conductor, but please stop butchering languages I know, thanks

I knew he was gonna die, but I am still hurt. Please bring him back, he’s the best character in this

“I don’t know where to begin…But I suppose I should start with the Kennedy assassination.” Okay five you drama queen

Allison is a bitch, and I mean that as a compliment

Honestly these Five and Vanya are made to be enemies, it’s great

HELL YEAH YOU GO KLAUS

This wraps up a little too nicely. Where did the moon boulder go

DALLAS

Sagfdghjasfkjghdsfjhksfhkj it opens with a ‘by the way, I’m still dead’ from Pogo

I can’t believe TUA directly inspired Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian

No seriously, I knew about sentient monument Abraham Lincoln but this entire scene FUCKS

Dsbksgdbhsgbhksgdhbkj Celebrity Surgery, the big popular reality TV show, I’m laughing

Luther and Klaus are both such messes jeesus, even if Klaus is coping better

Allison immediately kidnaps Vanya and exposes her to all the horrible shit she caused?? Dbgbhjdgkjhbgdhkj I love these versions of the characters

While Show!Diego is Walmart Batman, Comic!Diego is Walmart Rorschach

I thought I got the gazelle speech but now I’m just confused

It literally is an epiphany AND WHAT GOT HAZEL AND CHA-CHA SENT ON HIS ASS I’M

CACKLING

Also that one wordless Hazel and Cha-Cha panel……..so good

Five is a communist lmao Diego

Luther and Diego arguments are tedious in both versions

I hate the Marilyn Monroe ape scene. With a passion. It is so cursed

Also show Hazel and Cha-Cha were partners that grew apart. I think comics Hazel and Cha-Cha are in love

I am every killer ever. That is one cute puppy.

Also Klaus and God is great in every universe

Dsjfghjdhjdgjhbdgbjhkdbkjhgb Five’s face when he is outfoxed

Why do dream!Luther and Allison have am ape cyclops daughter

I love the Luther&Klaus dynamic

This is just a remix of Watchmen

I have no idea why they suddenly know what Five is up to, from the corpse of a Commission agent. What.

Wait now they can use corpses as time travel devices. What.

Okay, Klaus accidentally blew up the world. Cool?

I am so confused

Now Diego Klaus and Luther are fighting vampires in Vietnam and hurling mummies through the bush. Okay.

So Pogo always knew what kind of disasters they’d turn into? Dskbgdsbkhsdgbkgsdkh

THE WHOLE JFK ASSASSINATION ARC IS AMAZING

HOTEL OBLIVION

Hotel Oblivion really just presents a cockroach on a plate to you, huh

Reginald’s aesthetic is seriously so much cooler than he deserves

EVIL IS THE NAME OF THE FIRST PART OF HOTEL OBLIVION?!? I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE MR. AIDAN GALLAGHER

Five is a hired gun now?!? Man, that dude cannot catch a break ever

“TV is a healthy alternative to dying” esjkdsgbkgskbhdsgkbes

Who is Luther’s Japanese bro?!?

Also I just kind of really like the Luther&Diego dynamic in the comics

The show robbed us of Allison helping Vanya recover. It robbed us of Vanya getting injured in the first place, so what recovery, but still. This is incredibly sweet

God, all the villains in this universe are so intriguing. Except for Knock-Off-Adrian-Veidt, I keep forgetting that Perseus exists

“I’m a haunted house.” Is so metal as a self-descriptor

What the FLYING FUCK is Klaus doing there

Giant chicken?

The Enterprise???

“What are you doing?” “A report. I’m really interested in capitalism.” Djhsgjgskjvsevksevjesvjsefjv maybe Diego is right and Five is indeed a communist

“I know what it feels like to be unloved. I was born an object, and never treated as anything but.” It really was that bad, wasn’t it?” “For the both of us, yes.” B R U H

Evil Grace is fun

I love Allison and Five and their relationship so much

Five is interested in the stock market??

I am way too emotionally invested in whether Murder Magician and his baby make it out of there

Oh I CANNOT believe their romantic loves for their SISTERS is what unites them. I hate this.

What on earth is going on with Perseus and the flying head of Medusa

Alive Ben 😊☹

I am an idiot for not making the Perseus-Medusa connection sooner.

The Eiffel Tower now looks like the love child of the actual Eiffel Tower and the Atomium.

And now the Dr. Manhattan knock-off is here

God I love Allison so much

What the fuck is Pereus on about

Terminal eats a zoo

Scientific Man borders on plagiarism I’m sdhbgshsvjhksfvjksdjhkdsj

No no no no no not the Murder Magician

This whole baby arc makes me so soft

HELL YEAH LUTHER

Well this ended on a cliffhanger

#Lizzie reads the comics #i mean i made the notes might as well share them #i made progressively less because i really got into some of the parts of dallas and hotel oblivion

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Have you ever thought of a scenario where Perry never managed to write the mirrored phrase "I fight evil" on his chest before Doofenshmirtz's Butler-Inator caused him to have no recollection of his past life? It'd be like Platyborg all over again, but much less tragic and dangerous

Okay the thing about the asks I get which I love please don’t stop sending them is that most of the time they’re about some possibility that has crossed my mind briefly but I never spent too much time thinking about, so I get really excited to explore whatever idea I’d thought of previously. This one has never occurred to me before. I don’t know how, but I’ve literally never thought of this, and I spent, like two hours lying in bed last night thinking about it because I really just don’t know. This got kinda long so I’m gonna put it under the cut so people who don’t care don’t have to scroll through a solid six-paragraph what if.

The thing is, butler!Perry was so different than normal Perry. I mean, Perry’s usually fairly stoic, but never to that extent. I don’t know what exactly it was about Perryborg, but despite also being under Doof’s control, I felt like he had more personality than butler!Perry did. That basically means there’s nothing to base this on outside of that one 12-ish-minute backwards episode (and, of course, Doof’s personality, because we definitely know that).

I think the other big thing that's throwing me off here is that butler!Perry is such a behind-the-scenes character. Usually when I think about evil!Perry, it's in the context of "How do other people react to this?" but that's not much of a player in this scenario. I mean, Phineas and Ferb would have absolutely no idea where their pet went. Carl the furry would just be stuck in a cage. Monogram was barely a functioning human being by the end of that episode (like, less than usual, which is really saying something), so he wouldn't find out for a while. People might notice that he was gone, but no one would know that he was evil.

Unless, of course, Doof used that for bragging rights, which tbh is probably what would happen. Maybe Monogram’s cheesy swelling goes down by the nexy day and he heads into work and Carl’s not there and he’s like ??? and then he goes to brief Agent P and Perry’s not there and now he’s like ?????and then he gets a text from Doof and it’s just a picture of Perry the Butlerpus and something like “Haha he’s mine now” because immaturity, right? And Monogram is like what the fuck because usually he’d send Perry in to save his agents but like he can’t really do that now, can he? 

And Doof would just be so smug back home, hours after the party ended, chilling on the couch in his underwear while Perry is still cleaning up from last night. This is great, right? He basically owns Perry the Platypus, his nemesis and OWCA’s best agent. No one can stop him now. And the best part is, the high of capturing Perry the Platypus is keeping him so entertained, he doesn’t even want to take over the tri-state area yet. He just wants to enjoy this. I mean, how often does he get to mock Francis like this? The guy’s getting a new picture of Perry the Platypus every hour, and there’s nothing he or his squirrel man whom he eventually let go because he draws the line at kidnapping furries can do about it.

But I think he would get bored of it eventually. You can only taunt Francis for so long, right? And sure, he’s glad he has a servant that does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, but he’s so much less fun now. Doof asks him to pose for a picture and he just stands there and looks at the camera. Doof tries to give him a pose but it lacks personality. Hell, he doesn’t even smile anymore. Sure. on duty smiles were always few and far between, but they still happened, and that’s not even including the smiles he would see off the clock when they were, say, on vacation in Egypt or watching a movie together or something. He liked that version of Perry. Sure, he likes the help he gets now, but it’s not the same.

I think the final straw would be when Doof tried to build an inator, and Perry helped him do it. It would be coo for the first few minutes, but he’d finish the inator -- with the parts that Perry brought him, no less -- and he’d trap Perry and start his monologue, and Perry would just stand there? And Doof would try to tell him thwart him, but it would be so robotic and emotionless, and that’s when Doof would realize that this isn’t Perry. This was never Perry. And sure, he now has a free shot at the tri-state area, but what’s the point if Perry’s not here to stop him? 

So in the end, I don’t think it would really be like Perryborg. I don’t think our Doof has the same ruthless drive that 2D Doof has. I kinda touched upon it here, but while 2D Doof really wanted to take over the tri-state area, for our Doof, it was always just a game for him, and sure, maybe he finally won it, but at what cost, right? He’d have to turn Perry back, and he’d do it of his own free will. Perry the Platypus is supposed to be his friend, but this Perry wouldn’t even know what the word means.

#does that make sense #idk if that makes sense #it felt really rambly #i came up with a really good line last night that i was gonna include in here #and then i forgot it #so that's awkward #but yeah that's my take on what would happen but i'm totally up for hearing other ideas #phineas and ferb #pnf #remains of the platypus #perry the platypus #heinz doofenshmirtz #look i have an ask #okay i typed this on my computer but i couldn't find the post to link in the last paragraph on my pc so i found the link on my phone #but the updated version of this draft didn't sync to my phone so I couldn't link it there #so i needed to get the link on my computer somehow #so i sent it to Barack Obama so I could find it in my text messages on my computer #so if Obama really does check these text messages he can learn more about Doof and Perry's relationship in the two dimensions lmao #fic idea?

[amigolupus]

Thoughts on PnF Season 3

I’ve actually finished Phineas and Ferb season 3 a few days back, and am now in the middle of season 4. All in all, WOW! I’m really impressed at how they ramped up the quality of the episodes. While season 2 episodes ranged from ‘okay to great’, season 3 episodes turned it to ‘great to amazing’.

Besides the increase in animation quality, they’re also playing around with the formula a lot more. Like how some episodes Candace never even tries busting the boys, or even joining them, or the episode focusing on other characters.

It’s also neat how other characters have bits of development. Like Norm being a complete sweetheart. or some of the Fireside girls being differentiated, or even Jeremy and Stacy. It’s honestly kind of a bummer that Jeremy and Stacy don’t get to appear more in future episodes when they’ve been more prominent at the start of the season.

Monty as the newest addition to the show is alright. He fills the niche of competent human agent in O.W.C.A. I like him a lot more when he’s not being developed as Vanessa’s love interest (though I think Monty and Carl are cute together)

Also, remember me mentioning season 2 had a lack of adult jokes due to S&P meddling? Well, never mind that for season 3 lol.

Some brief thoughts on other episodes under the cut:

Canderemy:  Stacy’s got a point that Candace does bring up Jeremy a lot when she’s not trying to bust the boys. It’s totally a friend thing for her to mess with Candace by pretending she doesn’t know the two were joined though.

Candace Disconnected: The true millennial or gen Z horror story: Your phone’s broken and you have no way to replace it...unless you have genius siblings to make you a new one.

Magic Carpet Ride: Lawrence being so accepting of the way the boys defy the laws of physics and just enjoying spending time with the kids is so dang wholesome. Also, wow, Doof’s backstory here is just painful after watching Gravity Falls. While Doof is similar in a lot of ways to Stan, here we see that he’s in the same position as Ford where a very important project of his got ruined by his brother’s carelessness. And then Roger spent twenty years restoring Doof’s painting... Just. OUCH. If Stan and Doof met, this would prolly be one thing they’d have an argument about.

Phineas and Ferb Interrupted: I love that Linda spends time willingly with Candace this episode because she wants them to bond. Also Perry’s face when he realizes Doof’s Inator hit PnF was priceless, especially how this is one of the few times Perry doesn’t mess around to bust Doof because of the boys being in trouble.

A Real Boy: I think of this more as a dark comedy. I’m thinking the reason Doof doesn’t treat Norm right is prolly a mix of Doof not being too attached to his Inators since it gets destroyed all the time, and him designing Norm to look kind of like Roger makes Doof more predisposed to be mean to Norm.

Escape from Phineas Tower: Gotta love the moment of PnF asking the others if they want to go to the death trap tower and them going “Yeaaaaah, nope!”.

Ferb Latin: Seriously, Linda and Lawrence alone in the Sensory Deprivation Tank? How did this get past the censors?

A Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas: This episode works as a half-loving/half-mocking tribute to tacky network-mandated Christmas specials. The best joke is getting a Celebrity Guest Star to sing a song and never letting them sing anything.

Tri-Stone Area/  Doof Dynasty / Excaliferb / Phineas and Ferb and the Temple of Juatchadoon: Just bundling these together as a bunch of specials that are loving homages to different types of shows/genres. It’s cool how well PnF work with just about any genre.

Monster from the Id:  Candace being a neurosis and anxiety-riddled mess in her mind is so relatable. Also this is one of the few episodes we get hints of Candace and Buford being unlikely friends.

The Remains of the Platypus:  What. The. Fuck. This remains the most insane PnF episode ever. It’s GREAT!

Meapless in Seattle: Knowing that this was just a bunch of unrelated scenes made for a fake trailer that went on to be a full episode is awesome. I bet the creators had a hell of a time trying to come up with a series of events that would stitch the entire thing together.

Delivery of Destiny: Now this is a pretty cool concept, basing the entire episode around one of the regular folks in PnF-land. I do feel sorry for poor Paul, sticking with a job he doesn’t feel hot about (even if he did get some new perspective to appreciate it)

The Mom Attractor: While Candace gave the idea to create something that will bust the boys, it’s really heartwarming how it ended in a small party for Linda with Candace getting the credit. Also Lawrence is such a good dad, when Candace asked him what Linda liked he immediately said Candace, Phineas and Ferb.

Cranius Maximus: I was wondering if Buford would keep up the characterization and never give Baljeet a wedgie again after the events of ‘Bully Bromance Break-Up’. Technically, he doesn’t actually do it to Baljeet but to his death machine. And I suppose if you tried to destroy the entire world after you go on a power trip from a brain-enhancing device, the threat of a wedgie is probably kind of deserved. But yeah, it looks like Buford has dropped giving Baljeet wedgies!

Sipping with the Enemy: Man, Perry is an absolute friend this episode, covering for Vanessa like that. Also hipsters being treated as cool folks is hilarious considering what people think of hipsters nowadays.

Tri-State Treasure: Boot of Secrets:  Fun as the A-plot was, I do feel sorry for Candace going through all that trouble to get the memorabilia she wanted, only for The Mysterious Force to screw her over in the end. Seriously, OUCH.

Doofapus: This has to be up there as one of the “this is so wrong” episodes. Doof turning himself into a platypus was bad enough, but then Candace got turned into a friggin’ puddle. By comparison, Buford keeping life-sized moulds of all his friends is tame. Also hey, Buford considers Candace his friend!

Where's Perry?: I’m a huge sucker for Perry being so caring to PnF so this episode hit me right in the heart. Just one big awwwwww. Also, Evil Carl’s biker outfit is so fab~ Also scarily competent. This is what, the second or third time another character got turned evil and proved WAY more competent at it than even Doof? And yeah, Carl STILL being an unpaid intern for all his services is pure evil. Doof Was Right!!!

Road to Danville: Perry and Doof are the best of friends. Seriously, Perry doing the chestbump and pointing at Doof made me teary-eyed. Also, it’s been pointed out that Perry and Phineas did the same thing in PnF: Across the 2nd Dimension, so it just highlights how important Doof is to Perry as well. Also Doof is an amputee with titanium arms. ...What?!

This Is Your Backstory: Despite being a clipshow episode, the fact that Doof gets defeated by being reminded of his friendship with Perry had me smiling.

Blackout!: This was actually just a merely Great episode. It just SEEMS worse only because the past few episodes preceding it were all pretty fantastic. I really liked how setting the entire episode in a blackout was pretty much an excuse for the artists to take it easy and not have to do much work haha.

#phineas and ferb #pnf #amigolupus talks

[heaventide]

An Overrated Cliché

Summary: That Spider-Man kiss video was definitely cliché and cheesy, which is exactly the reason that Spidey and Y/N have to do it.

Word Count: 2235

Warnings: Heights and Swearing.

A/N: casually drops this after almost a year without writing like okay!! okay!! please enjoy this (it has good format!!) :0 and thank you to @buckys-fossil for actually tolerating me and proofreading this, i love you!!! also this is a gender neutral fic!!!! if you followed me when i was strictly an aesthetic blog well then, hello i write fics too

Summer weather was the worst.

Summer holiday wasn't that much better, what with having cabin fever and all. It had been a week since you had left the comfort of your apartment and three hours since you flopped onto the couch and lay there. All of your friends had been busy, Michelle doing her protesting, Liz with college preparation. It left you with nothing much to do other than lounge around your home.

The fan placed on the coffee table was set on revolve and hit your body with cool breezes. Laying on your side and absentmindedly watching season three of Phineas and Ferb, you felt jealous that those children were creative enough to make the most of your summer. It was a big contrast to you, as you hadn't done anything the entire few weeks of summer there had been.

A thought suddenly came to mind and you decided to act on it. Shutting off the TV and fan, you put on actual clothes and took care of your hygiene before fixing your hair and pulling on your sneakers. Making sure to had some money and the house key, you texted your mom.

to: mom hey i'm leaving the apartment for the first time in days are you proud of me

It didn't take her long to reply.

from: mom Fine with me, I was about to kick you out and make you do something.

You laughed at her text before tucking your phone away and leaving the apartment and locking the door.

This was the life.

Visiting the ice cream shop down the street and getting your favorite flavor was one thing, but eating ice cream on the roof of your apartment building was another.  Swinging your legs over the busy streets while watching everything below amused you more than anything on TV could. You sighed happily as you took in the moment.

"Well you look like you're having fun." a voice said behind you, making you jump in surprise. You steadied yourself before looking behind you, seeing the one and only Spider-Man.

"And you look like you're dying in that suit." You shot back, turning around and stepping onto the roof. You knew Spider-Man somewhat well, only because you guys would usually have some random talks back when school was taking place. While you didn't know who it was under the mask, you knew he went to your school and you were actually quite chummy with him. It was the first time you had seen Spidey since then.

"Surprisingly, I'm not hot. Well, I'm hot with my looks but not with the weather." Spidey remarked cockily, earning a light shove from you as you laughed.

You licked the slowly melting ice cream before it could drip. "I can't be the judge of that. Unless you're Flash Thompson, because then I can judge that."

"Well, Y/N, I'm not, so you can be relieved."

You raised a suggestive eyebrow at him, smirking a bit. "So what've you been up to lately? I'm talking about kickass crime fighting stuff— not your boring civilian life. C'mon, Spidey, impress me."

"Y/N, my boring civilian life isn't that much boring, just interning and—"

"I didn't ask for that…" you sing songed as you ate parts of the ice cream cone.

"Right, anyways, I stopped a haywire bus with my bare hands, worked with Iron Man— which was pretty badass. Then I helped an old lady cross the street and then she bought me a churro. Best churro I've had."

"I'm impressed. Not by you, the old lady. She spent her money even though she could cross herself. She could be an ultra-cool ass-kicker," you noted sarcastically. "Nothing over the top by you though."

"Wow Y/N, I'm hurt," Spidey feigned pain, putting a hand over his heart. "I thought you loved me."

"I love Scarlet Witch, not you."

"She threw a car at me once." he mumbled, but you heard him clearly.

"HOLY SHIT, REALLY?!" you yelled, eyes widening from shock with your jaw dropped. 

Spidey threw his hands up in frustration, appalled that you were more impressed with that. "Why is it so hard to impress you?!"

"It's not that hard. But if I had to pick something to be impressed with you, it's that you're actually hanging out here, with me, instead of being a kickass vigilante." you crossed your arms, shrugging.

"Oh fuck, that's what I'm supposed to be doing." he recalled, as his mechanical eyes suddenly widened. Amusingly, you raised your brows, and bit your lip at the sight of this. He stepped onto the ledge of the roof saying, "Sorry, Y/N I gotta go—"

"WAIT!" you exclaimed before he could swing away. "Please take me with you to relieve my boredom, I promise I will owe you with something, just PLEASE take me with you."

"Will you be impressed with me after?"

"Sure, why not?!" you exclaimed before he grabbed your waist and  shot a web at a nearby building and jumping off.

You let out a scream at the sudden thrill, putting your arms around his neck and holding as tight as you could. Your heart dropped as he let go of your waist to shoot another web, but his hand was put on your back afterwards, making everything seem somewhat alright.

"I'M NOT DEAD!" you yelled, throwing your arms in the air as Spidey set you down on a fire escape far from your apartment.

"You thought I'd kill you?" Spidey spoke as he looked over the fire escape for the thief he sensed while swinging. "Can't believe you think of me so lowly, Y/N."

"I'm not thinking of you lowly, I'm just… fearing for my life." You shrugged, pacing back and forth as Spidey was targeting the thief. There was a comfortable silence between you both as you made your way to his side and tried to observe like he was. A man in a black balaclava suddenly appeared on the sidewalk, holding a sack of something most probably stolen. You looked to your side to see Spidey already gone, and back to the ground where he was in the middle of kicking the thief in the face. Your eyes widened as the thief was suspended into the air from one of Spidey's webs. You grinned at him as he swung himself up and ascended to where you stood, absolutely impressed by him.

"So what'd you think?" Spidey inquired, climbing over the rail and stepping onto the platform.

"Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before." You gushed excitedly in the words of Lady Gaga, stepping closer to him with a big smile on your face.

"I'll take it!" Spidey pumped his fist, over the mood that he was able to impress you. His excitement made you giggle as you moved a strand of hair behind your ear.

You sat down on the steps of the fire escape, making yourself comfortable. "Anything else we're doing before I go home? More ass-kicking? Banter? I’m up for anything, Spider-Boy."

"I mean, nothing's coming to mind right now. What about you?" he asked, leaning against the railing.

"There's one thing I wanna try…" you remarked.

"Lay it out for me."

"I watched this really corny video and it was this guy and his girlfriend. The guy was dressed up as you, and he was upside down hanging out something. And then all of a sudden he basically he kissed his girlfriend while being upside down and it was absolutely corny." You recalled that video you watched a while back, silently laughing still because of how cheesy it was.

"I'm in." Spidey consented, agreeing way quicker than you anticipated. You raised your eyebrows at him, actually making sure he was fine with it. It just now got through your head that this was the real Spider-Man, and not some carbon wannabe.

Holy fuck, I'm kissing Spider-Man, you thought.

"Y/N, I give you my full consent for this. If you wanna try it, then we can do it." Spidey confirmed, making you grin.

Your doubt faded away, taking Spidey's hands and quickly telling him, "Meet me in that alley next door."

Spidey nodded and let go of your hands, moving to a point where he could hang from. You stepped down the fire escape and ran towards the alley, stepping into the dreary passageway. It wasn't inviting at all, the muck on the walls and trash littering the ground made you cringe from disgust, but your negativity instantly dissipated as you heard a familiar presence behind you.

You stepped closer to the webbed vigilante, taking his mask and adjusting it so that his lips were visible. "I can't believe we're doing this just for the cheesiness."

"I mean we're doing it for aesthetic too."

“Shit, you're right." You laughed before closing the distance between the two of you, pressing your lips against his and placing your hands on his cheeks. Spidey kissed back after a few moments, putting his hands on the back of your head. The world, cornily enough, seemed to stop as the kiss continued— but it was as if a record scratched when you pulled away laughing.

Which, surprisingly, wasn't awkward because Spidey was laughing too. 

You stepped away from him and cupped your mouth due to your laughter, absolutely amused by what you had just done. Spidey stepped back onto the ground while still laughing, pulling his mask back over his mouth. Your laughter began to die down but a wide grin still remained on your face.

“That was probably one of the best things I have ever done in my years of life.” Spidey acknowledged making you chuckle.

“Aesthetic came in clutch at the last minute. But holy fuck— that was so corny.” You agreed, putting an arm around him and looking up at him.

“I will say that while it was really overrated, it was also pretty cool.”

“I guess it was.” You shrugged, glaring at the dirty alleyway you were standing in. “Can you take me home please? I don’t really wanna be in this dingy alleyway anymore.”

“Of course, Y/N.” Spidey acknowledged before shooting a web and swinging the both of you up into midair, you clinging onto him as the sun set and city lights began to illuminate the streets below.

The sky was a dark shade of peach when you finally got back home. Spidey set you down on the roof before stepping on himself. “Here you are, not dead and home safe. Do I get brownie points for that?”

 “Of course you do, Spidey. And you also get points for amusing me all day and for beating up that thief. High quality deeds earn high quality brownie points,” you remarked, nudging him in the shoulder. "Kinda curious as to who I’ve been hanging out with all day, not to mention who I kissed, but I know you gotta keep your identity. So it’s alright.”

“I mean, I’m not opposed to taking off my mask in front of you. I think it’s alright if you know.” Spidey shrugged, causing you to look at him confusingly. He seemed somewhat out of character to you— as he never took that mask off on duty.

“Your superiors won’t get mad?”

Spidey shook his head. “I don’t really think so. If they do, I think it’s alright either way.”

He reached for his mask and took if off, his hair bouncing as the garment was removed. You took in the sight in front of you, mouth curving into a smile and your face brightening up.

“Peter Parker, who would have thought?” You stated, stepping closer to him and ruffling his hair. “I mean, I'm just glad you're cute and not Flash Thompson and— Damn, you got muscles! How’d you hide that?”

“Oversized sweatshirts tend to do wonders in cases like that. And thanks for calling me cute, I don’t get that a lot.” Peter shrugged, giving you a lopsided grin.

“I don’t understand how people can just look past your looks. I mean, yeah you’re a fucking genius but you’re also really cute. And that’s like, the best qualities to have. Have you seriously never seen me admiring the art from afar?” you mused, making Peter’s cheeks go red from all the compliments.

“I-uh, probably not? I was a bit preoccupied.” He admitted, holding up his mask.

“Eh, it’s alright, I think I like it up closer anyways.”

You led Peter over to the rooftop ledge, swinging your legs over and making yourself comfortable. Peter settled next to you, scooting closer to you and letting you rest your head on his shoulder. 

There was a silence between the both of you as you took in the moment and let your feet dangle a hundred feet above the ground. The sky was now a navy color and the waning moon soaked the both of you in moonlight. The New York city hustle and bustle was only background noise due to both you and Peter being completely engrossed in this absolutely cliché he and overrated setting. However, you decided, it was completely worth it.

“At least you didn’t reveal yourself in some super angsty moment. That’s almost as corny and cliché as the kiss.”

“I mean, aesthetic.”

Your laughter echoed throughout the street below.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #spiderman #spider-man #spiderman fanfiction #peter parker fanfiction #rose writes #marvel imagine #peter x reader

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Do you know how crazy it would be if there were an AU where all of the Perry-centered AUs anons have pitched to you over the past few months were all stitched together? Say there was as alternate universe where Perry is a robot and OWCA has many copies of himself and he's raising an organic platypus baby with whatever the heck a capybara is, and that's all without context!

okay I literally have three asks that I should be answering before this one if I go in like wait-list order (is that even English who the fuck knows at this point) but this one is KILLING ME and I have an answer it immediately okay hold on I gotta go check my list of asks to see what we gotta work in and I’m totally including headcanons with the AUs to make this into the biggest and best trainwreck of all time

Okay so we start with day one: OWCA’s training regiment at The Academy is super harsh, and it turns Perry into the supersoldier he is. This is, of course, because Perry is a robot.  One day, robot Perry stumbles upon Phineas and Ferb, and the kids play around with his wiring and give him Feelings™. Essentially, this means that the kids saved him from a cold, dark, meaningless existence. They don’t know it yet, but Perry was actually sent to them to keep an eye on them, though OWCA did not anticipate that the boys would mess with his software. 

Perry goes missing one day, and OWCA panics and makes a whole new Perry robot to replace him, thus inventing the Perry clones. Each agent has to upload their memories every now and then, which means Monogram can just insert Perry’s mental hard drive into a new Perry robot. I guess somehow in the process the og blueprints got a little fucked up because they now match what Phineas and Ferb did to Perry, and while OWCA had questioned it at Perry’s last physical, they note that Perry is doing better than ever -- though he is a little more benevolent, which they’re not sure they like -- so they don’t really question it.

As the years pass, more and more Perrys go missing or die or get captured or whatever, and at this point, OWCA just has a whole fucking army of robot Perrys chilling in the OWCA basement so that whenever a new one needs to replace an old one, he’s ready. He lets all the platypuses run around Danville, possibly after they escaped on their own, and now all the platypuses in Danville are Perry clones. Across the 2nd Dimension comes along now, and in the 2nd Dimension, the clone robot Perry program has already been shut down because 2D Doof would be too powerful with an army of Perryborgs. Perry does a really good job at keeping the mindless platypus facade up at first, even though 2D Doof knows it’s him because he recognizes Phineas and Ferb from Perryborg’s locket. They mostly manage to work together without Perry revealing himself until the very end, when they’re having that last-ditch effort back in the first dimension to stop 2D Doof from taking over. 

Okay this is where I’m getting a lil confused because I have four ways this could go right now: Coby the Capybara starts working for OWCA, the og robot Perry from before the clones thing shows up, the butler!Perry doesn’t write “I fight evil” au, or the au where Perry gets zapped by the ultimate-evil-inator in Where’s Perry. They all gotta make it in here eventually, but I have spent like ten minuntes trying to decide whether I want Coby or the og Perry to come back first, and whether either or both of them should be back for butler!Perry or evil!Perry, and I do not fucking know so I’m just gonna wing it and hope for the best lmao

First comes Coby the Capybara. I guess he’s now also a robot, right? But he doesn’t have any clones? I think is how these headcanons work? So Perry has no idea why the fuck this new guy is so happy and annoyingly optimistic because he’s literally just a robot but whatever, as long as Perry can stay away it’s all good, right? But Coby basically inserts himself into Perry’s life, and while most agents don’t have host families, OWCA makes an exception here because the Flynn-Fletchers have basically already adopted him and it can’t hurt to have two agents keeping an eye on those kids, right? And they don’t really get along that well at first because they’re so different. Usually it’s Perry that gets annoyed at Coby, but sometimes it’s the other way around. For instance, Coby gets really fucking annoyed at how Perry doesn’t let him have any fun. So what if he gets needlessly risky when it comes to almost revealing his secret identity? It’s fun, something that Perry has apparently never heard of. And while Coby is fooling around with all Perry’s shit, he finds the pictures from the second dimension, and he’s about to go chew Perry out for being such a fucking hypocrite until he reads the lowkey diary entry that goes with the pictures where Perry admits to being scared out of his mind the entire time and how it crushed him because he can’t let it show that it got to him at all because he’s a robot and he’s not supposed to have feelings. I choose to think for maximum angst reasons that Phineas and Ferb didn’t play around with his wiring because unlike when Perry first wandered in, they knew Coby was a conscious animal. Still, Coby knows Perry has human-like emotions, even if he can’t quite understand them, and he knows he can’t imagine what Perry had to go through. Coby is a lot nicer around Perry and doesn’t risk blowing their covers as much after that or at least not where Perry can see it, and as time goes on, Coby also becomes a much better agent, too, until they’re basically equals, and, more importantly, they’re family. 

I think I’d rather the evil Perrys come before the og Perry comes back but I do also wanna throw Coby in just for kicks, so we’re gonna skip on over to the ultimate-evil-inator Where’s Perry au. The Flynn-Fletchers and their friends are all in Africa, but, unlike Coby, Perry couldn’t get the time off. He gets hit by the inator, obviously, and turns evil, and he strings Heinz along to get what he wants. To briefly summarize the description from the post, basically Perry uses Heinz just long enough to take over the tri-state area, and to do so, he needs to capture everyone he deems a threat, which includes everyone from OWCA. 

The kids come home to find that somehow their dumb little platypus took over, and they decide they’re the tri-state area’s only hope so they set off to stop him. This is where it differs from the og ask: now we’ve got Coby in the picture. Coby works for OWCA so obviously he knows the ins and outs of the city better than these kids do and he makes it to wherever Perry’s hiding out before everyone else. Perry has his robot army grab him, but Coby demands that Perry let him talk and for some inexplicable reason, Perry does. Coby basically begs him to back down (and it doesn’t work). He reminds Perry that these people did nothing wrong and they don’t deserve this (and it doesn’t work). He tells Perry that this is just a victory for Heinz, even if the poor dude’s now in prison, and that Perry’s not supposed to let Heinz win (and it doesn’t work). He pops open his collar locket and shows Perry the picture of the two of them with the three kids, and begs Perry not to let anything happen to them because they’re family... and it still doesn’t work. Perry orders the robots to execute Coby, but then Phineas, Ferb, and their friends show up and start talking over each other a mile a minute except Ferb but his silence is just as wholesome in Perry’s eyes and Perry looks between the kids and Coby and he realizes that this is Not Good™ 

Perry just drops to all fours, orders the guards to release everyone, and pretends it never happened. Coby’s kinda taken by surprise, but he’s not shocked -- Perry is nothing but a family man, even if he can’t admit it -- so he also drops to all fours and pretends nothing happened. The kids are really confused, but hey, everyone’s happy so it’s all good, right?

But now that we’re basically talking about the entire summer, I feel like this is a great time to talk about what happens after he becomes evil and then becomes good again, and how that sets him up for the next time he becomes evil because the poor guy can’t catch a break. I know I touched upon it in the reblog that’s linked with the post, but because of all the AUs, it’s more complicated than that (not because it has to be more complicated but because I like overcomplicated things). At least in the original AU, OWCA would probably expect Perry to feel a little down, but now that he’s a robot who’s not supposed to have feelings, he has to pretend it doesn’t bother him, and I have to imagine that would make him feel even worse. He’s a little wary around not only Heinz because he’s seen for the first time what his nemesis is capable of without remorse bearing in mind that the second dimension didn’t go the way it went in the movie so he never saw the worst of his dimension’s Heinz, but also around the kids because he’s afraid of them getting hurt if he gets too close, especially because OWCA doesn’t know he actually cares about them.  

And that’s where everybody’s favorite capybara comes in. Coby himself may not have real feelings, but he knows Perry does and he does consider Perry to be family, even if it doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to him as a robot as it would to anyone else. Coby tries really hard to cheer him up and to assure his friend that he’s here for him if he ever wants to talk, but Perry turns him down every time because even though Coby can handle himself, Perry doesn’t want his own dumbassery to put him at risk. Still, even if he doesn’t consciously realize it, having Coby around makes him feel a little more welcome, even after that whole debacle. 

And then we’re gonna go with Butler!Perry, because why not make him turn evil twice? But again, because Coby’s here, I’m gonna change up how it goes just a little. So basically Remains of the Platypus goes how it usually does, with Heinz turning Perry into his butler and Carl trying to give Perry his hat and Monogram is eating cheese and all that ish. But as the au says, Perry doesn’t write “I fight evil” on his chest, so he doesn’t remember that he’s one of the good guys after Carl spills juice all over his shirt. Heinz sends Carl back to OWCA and spends the next few days gloating because haha I have your favorite agent and in your face, Francis! and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. 

Coby has been trained not to ask questions, and, as a robot, he’s really not supposed to break protocol or people are going to start asking questions. But the boys are starting to get really nervous and honestly, so is he, so he finally says “fuck it” and during his next mission briefing, he asks Monogram where Perry is. Monogram explains the whold predicament and basically says that as long as Perry doesn’t want to come back, their hands are tied. Coby’s hands are tied, too, in the sense that he has to take the case he’s given regardless of his own feelings and preferred agenda, so he reluctantly accepts his case and does his shit, and then he heads to DEI to see Perry. Heinz is just kinda vibin, probably watching TV and Perry’s, like, massaging his feet or something idfk Heinz is a weird dude. Coby breaks down the door and Heinz would do something about it but he’s also really investing in his relationship in the soap opera so he tells Perry to go take care of it. This time, since the problem is that Perry doesn’t remember anything and not that he’s legitimately evil, Coby manages to bring back his Perry by taking Perry’s collar off and showing him the locket and idk maybe he has to show Perry that he has a locket like that, too, just for the cuteness factor. Perry snaps out of it, and he and Coby beat the shit out of Heinz before heading back home together, and fortunately no one at OWCA questions it because they’re just glad to have Agent P back. 

Now Perry’s really wary around Heinz because this is the second time he’s turned him evil and, unlike the in original au, it wasn’t Heinz who decided to change him back. Their nemesisship takes a really big hit here, and nothing Heinz does can fix it. At the same time, though, Perry’s almost feeling better now than he did before, because even if he can’t trust his nemesis, he knows he can trust Coby. They truly are an inseparable duo...

Until they become a trio?

One day, a new platypus robot walks in the yard and he looks like a mess. He’s covered in scratches and wounds so deep that his wiring is coming through and sparking and it looks like he’s about to explode at any minute. That ends up being the original Perry robot, and he’s not very happy to see another platypus in his yard. Phineas and Ferb see him and they take him in because he obviously needs help, and once they’ve fixed him up, they decide they’re going to keep this new platypus and name him Bartholomew. Everything is sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows because yippee-doo, their family grows, right?

But Perry and Coby aren’t stupid. Contrary to popular believe, robot animals don’t wander into yards for no reason, no matter how many times the boys think it’s happened to them. So the three of them finally get the chance to talk, and it doesn’t really go well. Neither Perry was aware that there were Perry clones, and though they can sort of figure it out because they both have their one-of-a-kind locket with a picture of them and the boys as babies (though Perry is very disappointed to realize this is actually a picture of Bartholomew as a baby, not him), they’re not happy about it. The three of them head down to Perry and Coby’s shared lair and demand answers from Monogram, who basically explains that yes, they did clone Bartholomew, but they’d been looking for hi for days and the boys were getting antsy. They didn’t want to put the kids in danger if they discovered something they weren’t supposed to, so they basically said fuck it, let’s make a new Perry. Monogram neglects to mention that they’ve done this numerous times before and that every Danville platypus is a Perry clone.

Bartholomew and Perry don’t get along at first, and since neither of them have any reason to dislike Coby, he ends up being the mediator most of the time. Monogram tries to assign both platypuses to the same mission once, and Coby shuts that down immediately because they would literally murder each other. Bartholomew never met Heinz so that stays Perry’s thing, even though they’re still on pretty rough terms. Coby and Bartholomew do their own stuff, and for the most part, the two platypuses only interact when they have to -- when the boys want all their pets together or when Monogram needs to see all three agents.

And then Monogram realizes that he doesn’t really need three agents to watch two boys, so he reassigns Bartholomew to the Regurgitator case. He figures Perry’s been there the longest and Coby’s more familiar with the older Phineas and Ferb. Bartholomew’s been gone for so long that he’s probably the least useful one there. Monogram delivers the news to him alone, and when he refuses to take no for an answer, Bartholomew rebels. He explains the whole predicament to Perry and Coby, and while Coby sympathizes, Perry agrees with Monogram. Neither of them want to do anything to help, so Bartholomew basically says “fuck it, I’ll give you a reason to help me,” and reveals his identity to Phineas, Ferb, and Candace. At that point, there’s no reason for Perry and Coby to keep theirs a secret, because the kids are smart enough to figure it out themselves. Now that they’ve all revealed their identities, they’re all at risk of relocation if OWCA catches them (except Bartholomew who’s probably in more danger than them because he directly defied orders to do this, but come on, after the shit he’s seen, he can deal with them). In a desperate attempt to keep the family together, the three of them, accompanied by the kids and all their friends, start an uprising against OWCA. Perry decides to meet up with an old friend, Dennis the Rabbit, for a little help because he knows Dennis is just as pissed at OWCA as they are. 

I feel like that should be enough to reform OWCA, but because we still have a fuck ton of AUs left, it’s just enough to convince OWCA to lay off the punishments a little bit. The family gets to stay together, but only if the kids lose their memories. Just for kicks, Dennis gets to join the Flynn-Fletchers’ pet squad, too, but he comes with a collar this time that has his name so Candace stops calling him Mr. Cutie Patootie. Otherwise, everything goes back to normal, and now there are four animal agent robot thingies living with the Flynn-Fletchers, which is exceptionally weird because, again, the agents don’t typically have host families. Still, at least they kids are being watched, right?

One night, Heinz breaks into OWCA for one of his schemes, and he discovers the Perry cloning program. He only gets to read some of it because most of it is classified, but he gets the gist. He’s not sure what to do with this information, so he just kinda leaves and pretends he never saw it. But when he sees Perry the next day, he decides that’s not something he can just leave alone. He tries to get access to the files with Perry’s DNA and with Carl’s, but neither of them work so he somehow copies Monogram’s handprint and uses that. He’s in the middle of reading all about the program and all the different Perrys they’ve made and how different ones have been lost and/or destroyed, and then Monogram walks in. In the original au, Heinz destroys the machine, destroying the clone Perry in the process, and runs from OWCA to find the real Perry. I don’t particularly want this Perry to die, nor do I want Heinz to go on a wild goose hunt when the original Perry is literally Bartholomew and probably like two miles away, so that’s not gonna happen. Instead, Heinz promises he’s not going to do anything with this information and he leaves.

When he fights Perry the next time he tells Perry all about what he found. He admits that he tried hacking in with Perry’s handprint and with Carl’s and that he eventually had to use Monogram’s. He explains that the whole idea makes him incredibly uncomfortable and feels too evil, even for him, and that he almost destroyed the machine because it would end the program, but he decided against it because he likes Perry a lot, even if it’s just a clone of him and even if the feeling obviously isn’t mutual, and he wasn’t going to do that to the guy. He just figured this is something he should make sure Perry is aware of, because it sounds like it could have consequences.

It doesn’t have any dire consequences, but it does make Perry very happy. He’d been really iffy around the guy after the whole “turning him evil” thing, so this means a lot. Heinz had no reason to tell him any of this. He really just admit all these things that he knew could make Perry very uncomfortable just because he thought Perry should know the truth, and that’s not even taking into consideration that he has no idea how OWCA would respond if they knew Heinz had told Perry anything. Of course, Perry already knew about the cloning program (though not about the Danville platypuses; that one is new), so he’s not too phased by it. That helps bring their relationship back closer to the level of trust they used to have.

Perry goes home and explains it all to Coby, Bartholomew, and Dennis. None of them are comfortable with the newfound knowledge that there are, like, 50 Perrys out there, but hey, that’s life, right? Bartholomew kinda stops hating Perry as much now that he knows there wasn’t just one Perry that replaced him, and that’s it’s really been a big cycle that OWCA is prepared to continue if given the opportunity. When Bartholomew stops being as mean to Perry, Perry starts liking him a little more, and it kinda helps mend their relationship too.

And now it’s Last Day of Summer, except after the boys get sucked out of the universe, Perry does, too. He’s too disoriented to really process what’s going on until the boys have already noticed that he’s standing there on all fours, so his cover’s officially blown. Together, they have to figure out how to get back home. The rest of the day pretty much goes as it does in the episode, and in the end, one is okay. Heinz turns good, which means Perry now has to meet him in secret because he’s a robot and not supposed to have friends but that’s okay. He can deal with that. 

For some reason or other, Perry accidentally “has babies” because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when three platypus eggs appeared. They end up being Horatio, Ornithorhynchus (Ornith), and Anatinus (Ana). Hey, you said all the AUs, and there are two Dad!Perry AUs so thsi is what we got lmao. Horatio is a lot like Perry overall, Ornith is a lot like the Agent P side of Perry, and Ana is a lot like the mindless pet side of Perry. It’s a lot of work trying to balance looking after three baby platypuses, especially because they’re actual platypuses and he’s literally a robot. Fortunately, he does have his friends to help, and Bartholomew kinda likes having these kids. It almost reminds him of Phineas and Ferb back when Bartholomew first met them. 

But OWCA tries to get the babies to join no matter how many times Perry tells them to fuck off. One day Perry comes home to find OWCA trying to recruit them behind his back and he’s furious. He throws his hat down and quits because if they’re not going to respect him, he’s not going to respect them. That’s kinda OWCA’s first real glimpse into the fact that Perry has feelings because he’s done a good job at hiding them until then, and they don’t really like it but there’s nothing they can do. When the rest of the agents come home and hear what happened, most of them quit, too, but Coby doesn’t. OWCA is going to want someone to keep an eye on the boys regardless of whether Perry, Bartholomew, and Dennis are up for the task, so he might as well take the L so OWCA doesn’t try to run them out of the house and replace them with a different agent. 

Horatio feels really guilty because he thinks this is all the his fault, so he runs away under the impression that Perry will have an easier time dealing with this if there are only two platybabies instead of three. Now Coby has to balance watching the human kids with taking on his cases and making sure Ornith and Ana don’t wander off. Perry, Bartholomew, and Dennis all have to track Horatio down, and they end up finding him at Doofenshmirtz Good Inc. because Heinz saw him on the street and after the clone Perry debacle, he’s a little wary of seeing non-robot baby platypuses on the street by themselves. He’s a little bitter that no one ever told him that Perry had kids, so Perry assures him that he can meet Ornith and Ana soon. He also gets to meet Bartholomew, which blows his mind even more than the platybabies because holy shit it’s the original Perry, so they lowkey become friends too (but not as close as he is with his Perry). Also just for kicks I’m gonna say he befriends a different platypus clone completely unrelated to this and names that Perry “Steven.”

Shit gets real complicated when the kids from the second dimension cross over into the first. Perry immediately informs Perryborg that his cover is still intact and hands him the pamphlet, and Perryborg has to explain it all to the kids. They can’t admit that they know something that the first dimension kids don’t, so they have to pretend they’ve never met before and hit it off like new friends. Meanwhile, Perry has to explain this to his friends, because the only one with any semblance of an idea that this went down is Coby. Perryborg kinda wants to befriend the platybabies, but they’re kinda terrified of him because, you know, he’s a big scary robot that can obliterate sticks. Perryborg’s jealous of Perry because he has this whole big family to himself now, and because he didn’t lose years of his life with them like Perryborg (and Bartholomew) did. It was enough to upset Bartholomew when he came back, and it’s enough to upset Perryborg. Meanwhlie, Perry’s jealous because Perryborg gets to be himself instead of pretending to be a mindless pet, and Perry wishes he could do that, too. In the end, they both decide that they’re probably bette off how they are now, and when the second dimension kids head home, Perry and Perryborg part as friends.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

This is 4400 words and has taken me many, many hours so if anyone actually reads this whole thing I am very sorry but this was my idea of a “quick fix” for yesterday’s depressive episode lmao anyway gtg gonna buy some more discount halloween candy 

#pnf #look i have an ask #i usually semi-proofread these but i'm far too lazy to do that so you get what you get and you don't get upset lmao