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oceanblueeyesoul · 1 year

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Hi!! Could I request a Stanger things matchup please? No gender preference.

I'm an INTP 5w6, demisexual/bi woman. I'm plus sized and 5'9" with 2b hair that is naturally dark/dirty blonde but it's currently dyed purple.

I am slightly nearsighted and have glasses, though I tend to forget to wear them. Sometimes "losing" them on my own head.

I have very low self-esteem and a self deprecating, dark and offbeat sense of humor.

I manage to be both touch adverse and touch starved. I have to know and trust someone enough to be comfortable with physical touch. Minor things like a handshake don't typically bother me though, unless I get bad vibes off the other person.

Due to being raised by an entire family of narcissists, whenever I tried to speak they'd interrupt me or complain about me talking too much or too loudly. So I'm usually pretty silent unless you can get me started on something I'm passionate about.

Most of the time when I do speak, my words get muddled up. I especially struggle with words that have R in the middle of them.

I frequently get lost in daydreams.

If I get hyperfocused on something, I'll go the entire day without remembering to eat or drink anything.

That being said, one of my stims is eating. Particularly foods I call hand to mouth like grapes or m&ms. Which is how I got to be plus sized, though my hypothyroidism certainly doesn't help. So I try to keep myself, particularly my hands, busy.

I like to craft things, though I'm not all that great at it. I also like to play video games, though primarily I just replay my hyperfixation franchises over and over again. (Dragon Age, Saints Row and Elder Scrolls)

I'm also into floriography and all things personality. (like MBTI and enneagram)

Because of the latter I actually made an algorithm where I can create the most ideal build for D&D or Skyrim for any individual player. For instance, I used it to make my go to DnD build which is a Mountain Dwarf Abjuration Wizard. And my current Skyrim character. A Breton Nightblade.

I always have the urge to "collect" (horde) which I've primarily focused into my video games to keep me from doing it in real life. But I still collect books and novelty drinkware irl.

I cannot stand the feeling of water on my forearms/elbows. Or have wet clothing on.

I'm very clumsy, frequently tripping over my own furniture. (and feet) I will always have at least one bruise on my body and there's less than 50% chance I can tell you how I got it.

I'm quiet, reserved, and thoughtful. I prefer to socialize with a small group of close friends that I share common interests and connections with.

I enjoy thinking about theoretical concepts and I tend to be flexible and good at thinking "outside of the box."

I am constantly trying to understand how things work. I like to break down larger things or ideas to look at the individual components to see how things fit and function together.

I often go over what I know, seeking patterns until I can achieve a flash of inspiration or insight into the problem.

I can be outgoing, warm and friendly when I am around people with who I am familiar and comfortable. I'm definitely the type of friend who's always up for some quipping and bantering. I like to listen to my friend's problems and be a shoulder to cry on. Or plot revenge with them when needed.

I am often uncertain and will seek multiple sources of confirmation before making a decision. I will not disclose my own opinion unless triggered by anger.

I'm very much conflict averse but will jump into a confrontation or even start a brawl if someone is messing with someone I care about. Or if my anxiety causes me to snap.

For a lot of things it's rare for me to have actual favorites. One day I may prefer ethereal wave music and the next I'll be more in the mood for 80s rock. I usually have a top 3, 5 or 10 but no absolute favorites. And this goes for all sorts of things, food, movies etc.

My 'fashion' sense is somewhere between Green Academia and Feralcore.

I adore animals, especially the kinds that are less liked by society. Possums, snakes etc. Though I also love cats and currently have a cat. I would have more if I could. I handraised him, bottlefed him after rescuing him. He's 10, spoiled rotten and I defy anyone to tell me he isn't my child.

I struggle with driving cars but motorcycles or scooters, I can drive like a bat out of hell.

Hi there sweetie! I really hope you like this!

Your Stranger Things soulmate is...

DUSTIN HENDERSON!

The both of you would love to play DND together because the both of you would have fun together and he would love to spend time with you.

You would pet his animals back at home and Dustin would adore you for it because he does the same thing to your cat.

He would talk to lots of people for you and help you to speak up more and listen for your ideas and opinions.

He thinks that you're funny and you make him laugh so hard he ends up a sore stomach at the end of the day.

#stranger things matchups #dustin henderson #dustin henderson x reader #stranger things #oceanblueeyesoul

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thatspookyagent · 3 years

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🦊

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lonesomelavender · 4 years

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Going off

ALRIGHT Y’ALL I AM FUCKING READY TO GO OFF ABOUT MY FUCKING ROOMMATE. LET’S SEE, WHERE DO I MOTHERFUCKING BEGIN??

AT THE START OF THE YEAR I THOUGHT SHE WAS COOL AND WHAT NOT, BUT I QUICKLY FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS HORNY AS FUCK AND CONSTANTLY COMPLAINED ABOUT THE LACK OF CUTE GUYS AROUND

BITCH WE ARE AT A WOMEN’S COLLEGE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT???!!!

ON TOP OF THAT, SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS ABOUT SEX WITH PENIS LIKE YEAH, I KNOW YOUR DAD NEVER LET YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND BUT CAN YOU PUT A FUCKING LID ON IT?? I AM GAY! I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL OF PENIS!! WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TELLING ME ABOUT IT???!!!

SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS IN OUR CLASSES (we have 2 classes together) AND MAKES COMMENTS AND I AM READY TO PUT FUCKING DUCT TAPE OVER HER MOUTH. SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS ABOUT HER ALGERIAN FAMILY OVER AND OVER AND OVER, RESTATING FACTS WE ALREADY KNOW SHE TOLD US, AND BRAGGING ABOUT HOW ‘EXOTIC’ HER BLOOD IS.

SHE SEEMED COOL ABOUT LGBT AND SEEMED LIKE A GOOD ALLY, BUT I FOUND OUT SHE FETISHIZES GAY COUPLES AND COMPLETELY LOSES IT WHENEVER TWO GUYS KISS IN A TV SHOW LIKE ‘OMG THEY’RE SO HOT TOGETHEEEEEEER!!!!!’ LIKE BACK THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT FETISHY BULLSHIT. ONE TIME I ASKED IF SHE WOULD READ SOME FANFICTION I WROTE TO PROOFREAD IT. AS SOON AS SHE SAW IT WAS LESBIAN-CENTRIC, SHE WRINKLED HER NOSE AND WAS LIKE ‘yeah... lesbian fanfiction doesn’t really get me going... I like fan fiction with gay guys more...’ WTF

WHEN SHE WAS HELPING OUT WITH A THEATRE THING (I wasn’t there, but I heard about it from my gf), SHE KEPT TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT A VISITING PROFESSOR WAS, TO THE POINT WHERE SOMEBODY HAD TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT AND TELL HER TO STOP. ALSO, SHE TRIED TO TALK OVER A GIRL WHO HAD WORKED AT THE THEATRE FOR 3 YEARS AND WHEN SOMEONE TRIED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT, SHE WAS LIKE ‘Well, you just say that because you’re white’ WHO GAVE YOU THE MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT???!!!

SHE DOES THIS KNOW-IT-ALL THING WHERE SHE CONSTANTLY CORRECTS MY KNOWLEDGE ON THINGS EVEN IF SHE KNOWS JACKSHIT ABOUT THEM AND SHE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE EVEN MORE OF AN IDIOT THAN I ALREADY AM AND ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL BAD ABOUT IT

WHEN SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO HEAT UP CANNED FUCKING SOUP!!!!! LIKE YOU DON’T PUT THE FUCKING TIN CAN IN THE MICROWAVE UNLESS YOU WANT ANOTHER GODDAMN FIRE IN OUR DORM FOR THE 111111TH TIME!!!

ALSO, WHEN OUR FRIEND WAS SICK WITH MONO, SHE WAS TRYING TO SIMULTANEOUSLY CONTROL EVERYTHING THE FRIEND DID, LIKE WHERE SHE WENT AND WHAT MEDICINE SHE TOOK WHILE ALSO ACTING LIKE IT WAS A FUCKING EBOLA VIRUS AND NOT WANTING TO GET ANYWHERE NEAR HER! SHE DOUSED HERSELF IN PURELL WHEN SHE GOT BACK FROM OUR FRIENDS ROOM!!!

SHE IS COMPLETELY UNHEEDING OF THE BOUNDARIES OF OTHER STUDENTS. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’S A TRANS BOY ON OUR CAMPUS WHO ISN’T OUT TO EVERYONE (especially not his parents) AND SHE FEELS IT’S APPROPRIATE TO CALL HIM BY HIS PREFERRED NAME AND PRONOUNS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW, ESSENTIALLY OUTTING HIM! AND WHEN HE TRIED TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT SHE WAS LIKE ‘well, I didn’t know! You can’t expect me to know who you’re out to or not! :(((’

SHE ALSO MAKES COMMENTS ABOUT MY BODY LIKE ‘Damn, you got some porn tits ;))) Do you shave there ;))) I don’t ;)))’ LIKE PLEASE STOP??? ALSO I DON’T CARE IF YOU SHAVE OR NOT????? WHY DO YOU CARE IF I DO??? I’M NOT PLANNING ON GOING INTO PORN, SO STOP SAYING I HAVE PORNO BOOBS???

FINALLY, SHE ASKS REALLY INVASIVE QUESTIONS ABOUT ME AND MY GF. AT ONE POINT SHE ASKED ‘Has Avery seen your tits yet ;)’

FIRST OFF: NONE OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS

SECOND: MY GF IS ASEXUAL AND YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT. I DON’T CARE IF WE NEVER HAVE SEX! I’M DATING HER FOR HER, NOT FOR PUSSY.

THIRD: WHY DO YOU CARE????

FOURTH: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW I GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE YOU DID LIKE IT’S A COMPETITION. IT’S NOT!

FIFTH: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH TIME I SPEND WITH HER VS YOU. SHE IS MY GF AND SHE’S FUNNY, A PUNMASTER, ADORABLE, NERDY, SHE LISTENS TO ME WITHOUT TURNING EVERYTHING INTO SOME SORT OF NARCISSISTIC SADSACK COMPETITION BS LIKE YOU DO, AND SHE’S MORE CHILL THAN YOU EVER WILL BE, SO OF COURSE I’M GOING TO SPEND A TON OF TIME WITH HER!!!

I know that I could probably request a room change, but that feels rude towards her and also costs money. Even though I just wrote all this, irl, I try not to be rude to her.

Whew, I think that’s everything. Feels good to get that off my chest.

#personal #college #yay #roommate problems #lesbian #gay #lgbt #lgbtq #straights are wild

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chainsawb0y · 5 years

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hi sorry for not really doing much lately ive been kinda super out of it but when am i not anymore

more venty stuff under the readmore tldr: shit sucks and im decorating my house and i hate myself the usual affairs if you read it all the way through i commend you for your dedication for wanting to know why im bummed out rn. this is basically like a long rambling thing that i kept adding shit to in random places

tw: dysphoria

i keep thinking about things and just feeling generally kinda bad about lots of shit and like it swings a lot from me feeling like happy and then just being totally fucking miserable at random all the time. i dont know what it is but its annoying the shit out of me. i feel like im ok like 10% of the time and then the other 60% is me feeling like shit and 30% trying to recover from feeling like shit

ive been decorating my house too and thats been shit tbh my housemate gets stressed out and then takes it out on me but i cant afford to go anywhere else and id rather be dead than live with my mother and i just dont want to live in the city where my dad is

i want to do more stuff creatively this year but every time i pick up the pen i just think of my long term ambitions and realise this website isnt exactly the best for it anymore, but theres nowhere else i feel comfortable posting it anymore. i keep doubting myself and my work and when i draw certain characters i get anxious im going to be accused of ripping other people off. i know it wont happen, but i just have horrible anxiety when it comes to these things. i want to work but i feel like nobody takes me seriously as an artist or a comedian. i know where a lot of my self doubt/anxiety comes from but its just upsetting because i have so much stuff in my head that i cant even bring myself to do because i just dont see the point of it. i know it’ll get no attention at all whatsoever apart from roughly 2 likes, 3 reblogs and then at least 5 self reblogs from me desperately trying to get someone to see something i spent so long on. i dont do art for myself, i do it for other people to see the cool stuff i made up to entertain people and i like to make people happy and i just get upset constantly feeling like nobody is seeing anything because this hellsite is going down the shitter and people are jumping off like old people from a sinking ship. slow and fucking painfully because of the fucking bots everywhere

im like, constantly bitching about gender and sexuality shit but like.......... i always feel like im never gonna have anyone really love me. . like. people like me. people know who i am. nobody knows me. nobody gets me. i know thats bullshit lone wolf talk but like im not even kidding tbh. im so massively fucking lonely it hurts it just fucking hurts so much i just fucking miss feeling like someone actually cares about me . i feel like i have no friends sometimes. like, i have online friends who i love with all my heart but i just dont feel like i have people in real life i can really talk to about deep personal shit. i dont feel close to people irl anymore and i cant understand why. i feel like this is cause of some bad shit thats happened in the past and its just made my brain turn off the “trust people” switch. my brains gone from “everyone is friend” to “everyone is person and people scare and upset me so i cant engage properly because i dont know what they will do. must keep some kind of distance, put on some kind of persona or something and be nice” i dont know what that persona is but im sure as fuck not able to look into it without being some kind of horrible mess. i dont know if im nice or not. i dont know who the fuck i am and it freaks me out because im sure i have some kind of horrible thing deep inside me that i have to cover up by being overly nice and sweet and an actual doormat .. most of the times the conversations i have with real people always have some kind of sex talk in them at one point and i dont have the heart to tell people it makes me uncomfy. i want to talk to people again and i want to go out more, but i just dont know how to get myself outside with people without feeling massively anxious or just feeling like nobody wants me around. like i feel like nobody ever really thinks about me in the least selfish sense. i know it sounds weird and narcissistic but i never get messages off people. i try to interact with people. i want to be friends with people but i just dont feel like i fit in anywhere and i really wish i did. i wish i felt like i could anyway. every time i go out i just feel like i dont belong anywhere with anyone and i thought i did for a little while but then i just couldn’t afford to go out anymore and it just went away immediately. i dont know why but sometimes i get really overloaded by people really quickly but when im outside i find it really easy. i just wish it was easier to talk to people about things. its like whenever i talk to anyone i immediately worry that im being weird or dumb talking about specific aniamtion things or stuff i can actually contribute to but everyone else is always talking about politics or sex so like.... i cant contribute ever cause most of the time its sex stuff or devolves into sex stuff and i just ?????? cant

also dysphorias back whee i hate having a chest it makes me so mad that i cant wear nice things because im constantly paranoid people will see my chest and assume im a girl. i hate people see my face and assume im a girl. i would rather see myself slowly rot away than take female hormones to solve my hormone issues because i dont want to lose what little i had that makes me look a little bit masculine and i know it sounds fucking idiotic but oh my god im so sick of looking and sounding like a girl!!!!!!!! i hate being called miss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate that my mother wont even call me ash !!!!!!!!!! 2/3 of my family members refuse to think im not a girl and i want to die bc of it !!!!!!!!!!!

im just fuckin trying to deal with all this stupid fucking shit and i keep getting appointments for help cancelled and pushed back and i need help but i never get it !! : ))) the only help i managed to get just ended up talking about fucking specifically sex shit and it made me so uncomfortable i never went back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even tho its literally the only place i can go for trans/ace specific help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#dnr #its a long one #you can tell where i start losing it a bit #v//e//n//t////

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starboi14 · 3 years

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Hey everyone, this post is just going to be a rant about my (now I’ve written this, admittedly shitty) life. Even if you don’t read it, I hope everyone has a wonderful day! TW: Suicidal thoughts tw, violence tw (nothing serious), possible ED tw.

I’ll start with how I’m going back down a spiral of suicidal thoughts that I haven’t had in a few years. I attempted about two years ago this October and I’m wishing it worked and wondering how I’ll do it this time so I do die. The only reason I’m not doing it is that one of my friends has already had 2 people in their life commit suicide. I can’t put them through it again but I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on.

There’s also intrusive thoughts (I’m not sure if that’s the right term) about how awful I am. Mostly just how I don’t deserve a lot of the suff I have. Like I know that I don’t need to do anything to make up for it but my brain is still telling me that I don’t deserve what I have and that there are people suffering worse than I am and that I have to suck it up. I have a good home and should be glad for that and I shouldn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself. Other people have gotten out of worse situations and I should be able to do the same. I feel so useless and lazy.

I also struggle with stress eating and then feeling guilty about it and skipping a meal or two to ‘make up’. I’m trying to exercise more but I push too far and then I can’t move my arms or legs and can’t exercise the next day. It makes it harder to just exercise and I feel so stupid doing it because no one in my house does it.

Since I live with my parents still I also have to deal with my older sister who I avoid as much as I can. She sees me like personal therapy and whenever our parents wrong her, it’s got something to do with our mum loving me more and that I make her stand in my shadow and that I’m just copying her because I like some of the same stuff. She can’t talk to me on equal footing and she’s always poking fun, calling me fat, saying I’m stupid, calling me a narcissist and when I snap that I want her to stop she says I can’t take a joke. When I do ‘talk back’ she starts saying that I shouldn’t make fun of her first, even if I never do because I know how awful it can make someone feel because she’s done it to me for years. She used to hit me when it happened and she did it today for the first time in a while and it’s bringing back a lot of bad stuff. I know she’s in the wrong and I try to talk to her but she gets violent when she doesn’t get what she wants. She constantly cyberstalks my accounts (I didn’t tell anyone irl about this one) so I can’t post anything bad about her or my parents and so I can’t rant about anything anywhere else but Tumblr or else she’ll get mad at me for slandering her and how I’m blowing it out of proportion and I should shut up. She drags me down whenever I find something I like and makes me feel stupid or guilty for liking something.

The worst part is her words really hurt and now I’m constantly looking out for her approval and second guessing myself about things I like or want to do because she doesn’t approve. I know she’s a bitch but my parents always push ‘family first’ even if my family is actually full of rapists, abusers and manipulators and I can’t hate her openly without having my whole family turning against me.

In real life I struggle to talk to other people to get help because a lot of people rely on me to be the ‘go-to listener’ and I feel so awful burdening others. I know they won’t judge me but it’s still so hard when my parents are always trying to one-up us with their trauma. My problems don’t seem important in comparison to my mum and dad’s. Therapy won’t be able to help me until I move out either (I’m too young right now but I plan on moving out as soon as I can and cutting of contact) because most of my problems come from stuff that happened when I was younger. I’m also admittedly bitter that I can’t just rant beca some of this weighs so heavy on me and yet I can’t every really talk about it because my teachers aren’t safe, my parents aren’t safe and my friends already have enough to deal with.

Thank you to anyone who read this mess and I hope you’re having a better day than I am.

#life rant #rant #suicide tw #ed tw #eating disoder mention #violence tw

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nearlyhuman · 7 years

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Long Post: An explanation about what anarchism is, why i’m an anarchist, and why it’s such a big part of my life all of a sudden

[[Since I don’t have much time before I need to get back to my homework, I am not going to edit this post super carefully to make sure I don’t sound like a dork or a narcissist. This post isn’t really meant for random followers, but people who know me irl. And I hope the people who know me irl don’t think i’m a narcissist and forgive me for being a dork. ]]

Beginning two years ago but not really taking root until a year-ish ago, anarchism became an idea in my mind with increasing pull and importance. As it has become a bigger inspiration and influence in my life/brain, I’ve brought it up in countless conversations and for the most part get blank stares, confusion, misconception, or the impression that the person i’m talking to wants to leave immediately because i’m scaring them or weirding them out or coming on too strong or w/e. I accepted, several months ago, that I can’t keep bringing it up if people aren’t interested. But recent weeks have made me realize that I should at least explain myself somewhere, once, in an impersonal setting, just to avoid constantly feeling like i’m weirding people out or confusing them.

A foundational value in my life, spanning all kinds of religious metamorphoses, is the concept/verse “to those who have been given much. much will be expected.” In left-speak, I’m a Person of Privilege. I have been given access to a lot of things and have not faced hurdles many others have faced. I do not believe it is fine for me to simply enjoy my life however is easiest or happiest for myself -- I believe I had a god-given responsibility, a sacred duty to the world -- to give back, not just tithe-percentages but wholeheartedly.

That core value has driven me, again, from a young age, to self-educate about how the world works, and to be keenly invested in caring about the welfare of others, especially those who are extra vulnerable, disadvantaged, exploited, and oppressed. As I’ve slowly learned bit by bit, my attention has changed -- instead of focusing, for example, on the problem of suicide itself, I now invest more energy in the systems which create and allow for suicides to occur in epidemic proportions. While searching for the roots of the problems and the places where impact can be greatest and change is needed most urgently, I’ve been compelled to learn more and more about government, legislation, and those in power. Politics. That word everyone hates and removes from their own lives, but is really encompassing everything we do/think/are, every day, all the time.

For a long time, the world of politics seemed like this enormous, hopeless, endless tangle of corruption and arbitrary interpretations of morality and justice and who has a right to what. It felt like there were good guys and bad guys on every side, that things were always convoluted, that no movement ever made sense for that long. None of it ever felt right, reliable, honest, trustworthy, or transparent.

And then, I learned about anarchism.

When most people that I know discuss politics, there are roughly two sides. Sometimes people are vaguely aware of a third of fourth, but still, it’s largely a dichotomy. But what makes a Republican a Republican? What is the Republican platform, philosophically and policy-wise? What is a democrat? if you were to sit down and try to write a paper on what democrat ideology is, or what republican ideology is, could you do it? Do you know where the economics come from? Where the sense of authority comes from? Where the morality comes from? I think most of us just have these really vague notions about them, like “Republicans like small government and democrats like big government,” or “Republicans are christians and democrats are atheist.” But even these vague notions are usually pretty wrong -- for example, Republicans LOVE a large government regarding social justice issues, and there are MANY Christian denominations that are more populated by Democrats than Republicans. So what are these parties and how did they get so much power in our nation that they’re the only two platforms that Really Matter? Why do we accept the power they hold? Why do so many of us register as one or the other, and then vote down the ticket pretty much all one or all the other? When we don’t even know what they are and can only pick or choose a couple issues here and there that we feel like we maybe have kind of gotten a grasp of, like gay rights or abortion or gun control.

So to explain anarchism and avoid that enormous mess about parties and what we think we accept even when we don’t understand it, let’s start at the beginning, and leave all preconceived notions behind.

Who do you trust to be an authority over the world? who do you trust to be an authority over your life? Why? The people in power are not a special breed of person -- they don’t obtain power because they are more intelligent, more discerning, stronger of character, or more stable. For the most part, they obtain power because a) they want it and b) they’ve decided to spend their lives figuring out how to get it. And so now we’ve found ourselves in a society with myriad arbitrary laws dictating whether or not we can buy raw milk, who is permitted to marry who, that we can’t smoke weed but we can drink all the alcohol we want, that it’s okay to prescribe opiates regardless of alternatives/risks, that mass incarceration happens, police brutality happens, occupying other people’s countries and homes happens, patriarchy happens, white supremacy happens, that healthcare and justice can be bought only by those with wealth, and that wealth dictates everything. Seriously, from the nutrients we eat to the ratio of time we spend caring for ourselves to the lawyers we can afford to the healthcare we can afford to the education we can obtain to the amount of safety we can purchase etc etc. The more you know, the more evidence you see that having people calling the shots about how your personal world/life should go either don’t have your best interest in mind at all or don’t have the information and position they need to be in in order to make good decisions for you. Any direction that you look in -- economically, socially, geographically, culturally, you name it -- the people in power have really screwed us all over, majorly. And those of us w/ a decent amount of privilege can get by okay, most of the time. But it’s a sharp ledge to fall off when your luck runs out, when you quit winning the life-lottery that put you in a position of relative safety. Everyone hits that patch at some point. They get sexually assaulted. they can’t pay a debt. they find themselves with a chronic illness or a disease. will the system have your back when it happens to you? Look around and see that it absolutely will not.

Okay, so, I’ve made a broad, quick case for why having a small subset of people in power over the rest of the world sucks. In anarchist lingo, we refer to that problem as being a problem of hierarchy. The idea of anarchism is to create a world without hierarchy. Again, PLEASE, keep leaving your preconceived notions at the door. Don’t bring up but what about X republican idea or X democrat idea and don’t bring up black masks and molotov cocktails, just hang back so we can keep working this out from scratch.

So what does anarchism suggest? It suggests that we should be able to directly make our own choices in our lives. It suggests that we, the people, know what’s best for ourselves and can solve our own problems and make our own decisions and call our own shots. In effect, that means, instead of having a CEO or board make decisions about what millions of employees do, employees make decisions for themselves. Instead of having a department of education deciding what curriculum is being taught to our kids/us, we get to choose what we want to learn. Instead of having a department of state deciding when to draft us and send us into combat, we decide how to protect ourselves and make ourselves safe. We get to decide where to live, who we want to live with, who we want to work with, what we want to belong to, and how we make our communities work. Anarchism hinges upon the idea that, despite the fact that hierarchies have hit our culture hard (intelligence/information/mental health/opportunity-wise,) people WANT GOOD THINGS and can make decisions for themselves. People are a social species. By nature, we love to work together. We have families, we have friends, we seek community and partnership. We succeed when we cooperate and not when someone else makes our decisions for us and we are forced to comply. By giving power back to people, to be self-determining, we will be able to make progress together. And that governments and economic hierarchies that pose as being for our benefit/motivation/safety are actually ultimately getting in the way, and need to be dismantled and replaced with more cooperative, collaborative, empowered systems in order for civilization to avoid its descent into a melted planet where a tiny group has everything and the rest of us/our ancestors either die or get effectively enslaved.

Honestly, the anarchist platform is kind of easier to understand than the Republican one or the Democrat one or the Libertarian one. It’s pretty simple. And we teach it to ourselves in all kinds of other situations. You know, all of that language about believing in ourselves and being empowered and being independent and knowing our worth and knowing what’s best for us and making or own decisions and respecting each other’s decisions and goals and dreams? We all talk about that all of the time! It’s just expected that if you’re a decent friend, you talk to your friends like that and you treat them like that. So anarchism really just takes what people sort of already understand on an internal/personal level and then expands that to encompass everything else, too. It’s not a big leap. Once you make it, it seems incredibly obvious.

And that’s why it’s become so important in my life. I mean, for one, it’s beautiful and optimistic. Two, it’s really not a change at ALL from how I already lived and thought, it’s just putting how I lived and thought into a larger context. Three, it has helped the world make so much more sense to me -- it’s like Occam’s razor. If you apply an anarchist perspective to almost any problem, it’s solved pretty easily and neatly. Respect autonomy. Mind your business. Help your neighbor. Work together. Don’t oppress anyone. Don’t push anyone around. Be independent. Build what you want and what you love.

So anyway. I’ll probably keep editing this post and improving it as time goes by because this is a rough draft on an important topic that will probably influence all kinds of things forever, unless I one day change my mind.

#my life #anarchism #long post

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corrah-draws-stuff-blog · 7 years

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Some of these are kinda depression facts????

1. I used to prefer getting called Lyli, but now people use it to insult me so I’m getting sick of it. 2. People constantly misunderstand what I’m trying to say at school tbh 3. I lost interest in becoming a doctor

4. Everyone has been talking bad about me since grade school even tho I never even done anything???

5. I really love @dabuttacup more than anything tbh

6. I have changed into a even worse person than before :’0 7. I still dont know what I want to do for the future 8. I have horrible reaction time 9. My art sucks 10. I suck at sports too 11. I am aggressive 12. I act very hostile toawrds my ex if she’s around and she thinks I’m a dick :D 13. I dont address anyone as my friend if they are being a fucking nuisance about it (Example if I don’t give them food/money they’re like “You’re so fucking greedy” “Wow we’re not friends anymore”) 14. I feel anxious and I end up having panic attacks in class 15. I don’t really know much about anyone at school, really, I have like 2 friends 16. I’m pathetic 17. I’m selfish and narcissistic AS F CUK 18. I am almost never sincere

19. I am only happy when I talk to Buttercup~ 20. I am trying to change but everyday my family is pushing my past mistakes onto my face. :”) 21. I am often emabarrassed and I become really gay constantly when I start liking some girl. U////w////U 22. My horrible self esteem was a result of being with my ex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 23.I lost all my closest friends thanks to my short fuse and because I got fed up with many things (THEY did.) 24. People irl do actually hate me now, No one takes me seriously anymore.

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saints-row-2 · 7 years

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i'd scannen over the name Dick Ryder enough by now that i accepted him as a canon person. an irl dude. now i scrolled down to check cool stuff about ocs and i came across his creation.... it was a twist in my world. bad q but can you give us a short summary of your three favourite ocs? or five? or 200? just the ones you feel like talking about tbh but please include Dicko bc i am craving information now

this ask is fucking incredible this is my fave ask. i love u. heres the Dick Ryder blurb:hes a piece of shit. nah that's not fair hes just dumb and narcissistic and mostly only cares about having cool parties. but his entire fucking family signed up for the Andromeda initiative and he wasnt going to let Sarah go without him because i think he'd be kind of lost without her? theyve always been together. i deliberately haven't decided on a lot of the details about him because i want to develop him while im playing the game, so i dont have a lot of depth to him at the moment. i dont really know his goals or secret hidden depths but... he does everything he can to seem like a dumb idiot. i think he's kind of really super into seeming like a bombastic jerk because he likes the attention. also hes gay. my thee faves: Nicolæ "the Boss" Anghelescu is the leader of the Third Street Saints. theyre english but they were born/currently live in america. they love violence, guns, Johnny Gat, shorts, painting, classic literature, burgers, motorbikes, and murder. theyre very sarcastic, have nearly no emotions outside of anger, and are massively insecure but dont say so because theyll kill you. theyre a very cold, angry person who is primarily driven by revenge, but they have an enormous amount of pride and love for their gang and their friends, especially their best friend/love of their life Johnny. theyre ferociously loyal. theyre obviously a terrible person but. theyre funny sometimes. theyre very impassioned and kind of funny. they spent some time in the army. Vincent "Valentines Day" Hart is a supervillain who used to be a superhero but they dont talk about that. they used to have a pretty good career but they literally stabbed their old boss/boyfriend in the back and now they work for someone new in a tiny city and destroyed their reputation. theyre finally being sick of being pushed around so theyre trying to stand up for themselves by taking back what they think they deserve. theyre terrifying, but theyre generally charismatic, friendly, and funny, all of which is a cover for the fact they have uncontrollable panic attacks and extreme issues with anger and anxiety. they were abused and manipulated for a really long time and its permanently scarred them. they have a boyfriend called Rudy who is a superhero who's bad at his job. Vince loves him very much although they constantly lie and hide everything about their past including their real name (its not Vince). they actually really badly want to be loved and to have a family :( theyre very lonely and sad. Ezra-Kane Pilgrim is the Lone Wanderer/part time Courier. he is the worst person who's ever lived. no that's not fair. but his goal in life is to be the most evil monster who's ever lived in order to kill all the other monsters so no one has togo through what he did and no one will try to hurt him if they're all too scared. hes. a cannibal. he hates all humans (he's engaged to a ghoul and becomes a ghoul later). he is incredibly antisocial. he loves his fiancé Teddy Tallahassee and no one else. he Loves Dogs. he is incredibly angry and super hostile. hes a mixture of... thinking he's the greatest person in the world and adamantly believing he's terrible and evil and has to be away from most people. he's basically like... just horribly bitter and miserable and has been abandoned and thrown into a world he wasn't prepared for. he mostly just wants to survive? he cares more about being powerful than he does about being happy because he never feels safe. he is incredibly overly nice to boys he thinks are cute. he gets incredibly flustered around the cute boys. uuhhhh this ask is 8 years long

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borderlinebastard · 5 years

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1/? Tw - Shot in the dark maybe, but do you ever feel like... You're not good at anything (bc no real personality, and it constantly changes) and so there's Literally No Point to continuing to live? Because that's how I'm feeling, especially the past couple of weeks. Like I know what I WANT in life but I'm quite literally 1) too ugly 2) too fat/scarred 3) sorely untalented 4) underprivileged and 5) mentally fucked to ever achieve that thing, because only like 1% of the world ever will anyway.

2/? And it's HEARTBREAKING because if all of those things weren't true about me, then I could probably achieve said thing. Like yeah, I could lose weight, but I'd never look "normal" even if I did bc stretch marks, loose skin, etc. I'd never look good, in my own opinion. It'll always hold me back. And yeah, I could practice and work really hard to get better at That Thing that I'm passionate about, but I'd never be even a fraction as good as I'd NEED to be to excell. Ygm?

3/? Plus having a brain that's bad + being underprivileged means no access to mental health-care, and even if I wasn't underpriv, there's still no therapists in my city and I can't ever move bc no skills for a good job, no passion for anything other than that One Thing. I just feel so so hollow and empty constantly, and like I periodically go through the 5 stages of grief × 12838384 when I realize these things. I just feel like there's no point in continuing to live if I can’t be who I want to be?

4/? And like maybe it sounds stupid/immature/delusional but another thing that's really hard to deal w/is the fact that I'm so in love w/this one artist (not just for the fact that hes immensely talented but bc he's a gr8 person too), and even if by any miracle I were able to end up with him (or anyone that's even a fraction as talented), I still have to contend with the fact that I'm so! boring! and talentless and uninspiring and not worth keeping around for anyone. Ygm?

5/? This is so long, sorry lmao. Idk, I just hate it when people are like "you can do anything you put your mind to, nothing can stop you if you work hard enough!! 1!" but that's a lie. Or maybe it isn't, but they mean being doctors or lawyers or having a normal family or something like that. It's such useless, pseudo-motivational bullshit. I could never settle for less than what I want more than anything, that's just who I am. Maybe it's just the bpd talking, but it's just how I feel.

6/6 It's something that I'm super embarrassed about, it sounds silly and immature and I feel like that's my biggest secret. Not the darkest, but. I could never talk to a therapist or anyone irl about this, because it just makes me feel ridiculous. I think this is also why no treatment that I've ever had really helps, bc it's the one thing that can't be fixed. I'm losing my will to live year by year, I've lost most of my youth to bad mh, and I'm just wondering if anyone else feels the same way?

Hi anon, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You don’t have to worry about being embarrassed by it. Because it’s pretty much guaranteed that if you’ve had a thought: someone else has already had it before. And I think it’d be a good idea to bring these thoughts up with a therapist if you get the chance.

I’m also struggling with my weight and mental health, seeing as I weigh over 200lbs and have been trying to get help for my mental health for years but therapy hasn’t done shit, and I’m too poor to afford private healthcare. I’m half asleep right now, but I’ll do my best to reply.

From what I can tell, you’re catastrophising (you’re guessing how things will turn out), beating yourself up for things that aren’t your fault, comparing your life to others, and have really high expectations of yourself. But it’s understandable why you feel as though you have to be “fixed” and have the thoughts that you do. Because you don’t feel good and not feeling good isn’t good, or so we’ve been told.

This is really hard for me to give advice on. Because like I said, I’m dealing with it too. What am I supposed to say, “Yeah maybe you’ll always be ugly, but you either deal with it or find a way to fix it.”? But I think you need to have some.. emotional goals before trying to reach your bigger ones. Like learning to love your own body, learning to want to be healthy rather than attractive, redefining what attractive means to you, etc. Yeah it’s cheesy as fuck but if you haven’t been achieving what you want you gotta find another way to do it, y’know?

And that attitude of not wanting to settle for anything less is because you’re a perfectionist or a bit narcissistic (I’m both too). Needing to excell and inspire others and be the most interesting is making your goals further than they need to be.. You probably know this, but you haven’t challenged it.

There are people who have been in your position and achieved their goals but you’re letting your challenges decide things for you. People only go to therapy when they’re ready to have their beliefs challenged and changed. It’s goal is to challenge everything negative you think about yourself and it won’t work until you start to do that a bit by yourself.

I recently got kicked out of therapy because I felt like they couldn’t help me, that it was the equivalent to writing in a diary, when in reality I wasn’t putting in the work to challenge my beliefs, because I was clinging onto them so tightly and getting mad when anybody tried to alter the way I see reality. I was gaslighting myself and convincing myself that my childhood “wasn’t that bad” and telling myself I wasn’t working hard enough despite my achievements. I wasn’t letting myself change my mind. To call myself attractive, competent, or interesting while I’m like this is blasphemy!

So lately I’ve been forcing myself to accept that good enough is good enough even when it doesn’t feel genuine. Eating a banana and going for walks isn’t going to make people chase me down to get a kiss, but at least I’d fit into my clothes better, and that’s enough. It doesn’t feel like enough but I’m telling myself it is anyway. It’s basically a “fake it til you make it” attitude and I HATE it.

But when I have people telling me I’m doing more than what’s expected, should I really trust that thought of “I’m not good enough” and that feeling of “out of place discomfort”? I guess I’m saying maybe you should stop listening to that voice that’s telling you who you want to be. If it’s a goal you can’t accomplish it’s not a goal, it’s a fantasy.You want to die because you have a fantasy you don’t expect to attain? Think about it.

And I mean, along the way you might find solutions that you hadn’t expected to find, like I said other people have had the same challenges/goals and found a way to do things like get job skills and how to prevent loose skin. Learn from them, maybe even talk to them.

I think mainly, you have to stop relying on your imagination in order to set goals. There’s always going to be a difference between what you want and what you end up getting, but it doesn’t mean that what you end up getting isn’t worth anything!

And god, I’m so sorry if this sounds like dumb motivational bullshit. Really, I am. It’s thoughts like these that keep me going, not the You Can Do Anything American Dream crap. But things like questioning myself and reflecting and forcing myself to see every angle of a situation.

I’m still trying to get myself out of this mess, and I do understand how you feel even if my ramble suggests otherwise.

#asks #anon #long post #Anonymous

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goodforyourego-blog · 6 years

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I Was Cooler on Facebook than IRL, and I’m Cool With That

About a year ago, I began the surprisingly long process of detoxing from a 10-year dependency on Facebook and social media. At many times, this process of detachment has left me feeling socially impotent and heavily isolated from a world desperately in need of spreading inter-connectedness. Despite this, I remain convinced that quitting Facebook has been the best decision for my overall health and well-being in the world.

It is imperative that I elaborate upon my meaning when I refer to “the world.” I use this term to imply a summation of three distinctly different dimensions of modern living: The Inner World, The External World, and The Social World.

The Inner World could also be known as spirituality, mental health, emotional intelligence, or simply, thought. It is the teleprompter off which we all read constantly; the ever-evolving and living script which provides us with our lines of narrative and dialogue. Our own thoughts are a world unto themselves, rife with context and subtext only digestible to the human brain. And, even it makes frequent mistakes in understanding life’s plot.

Beyond this primal, intuitive plane, there is the world of the external. The External World begins with the body and ends with the infinitely expanding blackness and light of the universe. Whereas thoughts represent a boundless, internally spiraling realm with no form, The External World is one of mass, matter, and a quantitative quality which boggles the mind in its scope and limitation.

And, finally, all living creatures must exist in some form of The Social World. Animals travel in herds and packs, as do human beings, and no creature has surpassed mankind in our ability to dominate our dominion with social prowess. Our reproductive and industrial abilities have allowed us to reshape the face of the earth, if not her very foundational ecosystem and structure. The Social World is the most rapidly shifting environment humans must cope with, and it is made this way by our own doing.

Each of these worlds must contend and collaborate with the others for there to be harmony within the individual. Thoughts must be allowed to roam without endangering the physical home of the human thinking them. Likewise, a healthy body informs healthy thought.

This is where the ambiguous nature of The Social World becomes a problem, particularly in an era during which most people experience The Social World through the channels of social media.

Using social media, we have adapted one of our habitats to such a drastic extent that this plane of existence is no longer in sync with the holy trinity of the human universes. We can thrive on social media without thriving in the inner or external worlds, and this creates unquantifiable discord in every aspect of our lives.

This discord is the very bread and butter which feeds Facebook and other corporate entities masquerading as tools for "connecting people." Facebook advertisements utilize subliminal messaging to undermine small business and turn every user into a point-of-sale statistic. News is butchered, clumsily re-built, and then delivered to the masses through newsfeeds with devastating consequence. Faith, politics, and isms of all types are debated and degraded in comment boxes at a blistering pace on our screens and at our fingertips.

None of these statements I’ve just made are conspiracy; they are simple facts about social media which we have all come to accept and even embrace with a satirical grin and a nihilistic meme. Each of us is guilty of over-indulging in the negative aspects of Facebook, Twitter, and dating apps like Tinder in some way or another, at some point in our scrolling history.

I was a prolific Facebook narcissist.

I got on Facebook in 2006, back when you needed an email address distributed by a college or university in order to sign up. We were all coming off of the Myspace days, and as a musician on the former platform giant, I became comfortable with the self-promoting environment of the new digital age during early adolescence.

Our generation moved from dully designed forums and chat rooms to glittering, sparkling pages with pictures, music, and video. We readily embraced a fun new internet society, and when it grew up, we allowed it to do so for us.

Facebook represented a more mature tool for gossip, sharing snapshots of our lives, and hooking up with our barely-known peers. It started as a casual accessory and became a needed commodity so subtly that we hardly noticed it happening.

When Facebook became available to me during my early college years, I sought to master the platform. Zuckerberg himself couldn’t have designed a better candidate to get lost in Facebook’s jungle of opportunity for egoism. I was a former troubled youth, a self-styled artist/entrepreneur, and a witty, wordy writer with a desire to come across as worldly - a desire fueled by my massive, male insecurity.

Over the years, I played many roles on Facebook, all of which were small exaggerations of actual events and identities I took on in my life. Meanwhile, there were intense, inescapable memories being formed in the inner and external worlds which weren't being expressed or explored in The Social World to any degree.

I posted about the concerts I performed at, the beautiful moments in my life, and even many of the tribulations which I deemed to have some honorable or enviable aspect to them. I didn't post about the embarrassing sexual encounters, the dark decisions made under the influence, or the borderline unforgivable things I did to and with other people.

On Facebook, at worst, I was another narcissistic young white man with too much to say and too much time on his hands. At best, I was a small-town rock star living his dreams, traveling the world, and befriending beautiful people everywhere I went. The problem is that I have often been far worse and/or far better than either of those things in the real world.

During most of the last year that I was on Facebook, I worked as a content specialist for a social marketing company. Essentially, I was a copy writer working on social media and web content for individual service providers and small businesses.

This was 2016, mind you. Not exactly our golden age for communication.

At some point, it became clear to me there was a serious problem with how I/we conducted myself/ourselves in our current Social World. I think one of the first big indicators that Facebook had a dangerous role in our lives was actually its emerging role in dating apps.

Think about it: Dating apps are a fundamental aspect of our contemporary mating and hedonism practices. We've replaced conversation and time spent getting to know an individual on a real basis with a right or left swipe based on a photo and a few words. Even more interesting - all of those dating apps highly recommend or require that you have a profile on a social media network like Facebook or Twitter in order to register for the service.

Imagine that you are a stranger in a strange town, looking for some strange in a strange region without cell phones. It sounds strange, I know.

You decide to venture down to the local watering hole to see if you can meet a compatible person and to quench your thirst.

Upon arriving at the bar or restaurant, an insurmountable man at the door informs you that, because you prefer another brand of swill to the stuff served inside, you are not welcomed in the establishment. Because you do not adhere to the same corporate allegiances as everyone else in town, you are not allowed to check out the club, so to speak. Here, in this town, The Social World is cut off from those who do not drink the proverbial "Kool-Aid."

This is the situation we have created with Facebook and other modern services, even ones offered by seemingly all-encompassing entities like Google and Amazon. This exclusivity is not exclusive to dating apps, but can be found in all miracles of modern convenience.

Nearly every small business owner in America is under the misguided perception that the greatest thing they can do for their business is to master social media.

What social media experts and marketing professionals won't usually tell you is that in the equation of social media, the platform is always the master and the user is always the slave.

Facebook's algorithms function without the juxtaposing advocacy of human thought, and they exist for the sole purpose of encouraging people to make purchases. The resulting forum is an environment in which collaborative thought can not thrive, and competitive thought is championed constantly.

Socially, we are each struggling to balance an internal monologue and an external dialogue which can never share equal space, for they each take up infinite space on their own.

If you have made it this far, I urge you to re-consider the so-called convenience of Facebook, if nothing else.

When I was preparing to delete Facebook from my life for good, at the end of 2016, most people said they wished that they could do the same. Other artists and entrepreneurs said they couldn't operate their businesses/networks without Facebook. Friends and family told me it was how they stayed in touch with one another. But, the more I thought about these claims, the more I found them to be categorically false in their assumption that Facebook provided anything revolutionary in terms of convenience.

Did life not include enough charming moments and heartwarming videos in all the years before Facebook's existence? Were we not able to express ourselves to one another, either in writing or through some other medium?

I began to realize that all of the convenience of Facebook exists whether the platform does or not. We can send all forms of media to one another instantaneously. We can chat in real time across vast distances. We have been able to communicate and stay in touch with one another since well before the first telephone lines were strewn across the continent, so why does Facebook suddenly seem so crucial to our correspondences?

The truth is that, with social media, the onus of responsibility is removed from the individual themselves. It is not that our individuality has been lost through some Machiavellian scheme to destroy human awareness, but simply that, with all of the burdens the world offers, we each often delight in being able to give the one burden up. We eagerly defer the need to direct our own social world by submitting to the preferences and practices of cold, capitalist algorithms.

Make no mistake, in some sense, I have lost touch with thousands of people over the last year. I enjoyed writing a post that earned dozens, or hundreds, of "likes.” It fed my need for admiration, and made me feel as though I was connected to those people. But, I was connected to those people through Facebook in the same way that doing cocaine makes you supernaturally powerful.

It doesn't. But, it sure as hell makes you think that it does.

I may not experience the instant gratification of Facebook dope anymore, but I've got to tell you that sober living really is much more rewarding. It's taken the entire year to do so, but I've truly begun to form my own rich, offline community. Once I removed the newsfeed from my life and replaced it with my own self-driven use of phone numbers, email, and mailing addresses, I began to remember what relationships are supposed to feel like.

To those of my generation and prior: Do you recall having long conversations on the phone, your movement perhaps limited by a stretchy, curly cord? Remember the sense of excitement you would experience when someone you cared about would call or pick up the phone when you dialed? This feeling still exists, and these types of interactions can still be yours.

I find it ironic that, as I typed these words, Macy Gray's "Beauty in the World" came on the radio. There is beauty in the world(s), girl.

Facebook takes all of the world's beauty, misery, complexity, and compassion and condenses it down into an easy-to-swallow pill. This facsimile of life and The Social World makes for a powerful and stimulating simulation of the living experience, but it also renders the user blind to the edges and fine lines around them.

About a year after Facebook, I'm kind of a bigger loser than I've ever been. I definitely deal with a sense of isolation on a daily basis, and I often feel that nobody likes me or wants to spend time with me. I make frequent attempts to be social, but those efforts go unrequited - it often seems as though no one has time for my antiquated methods of correspondence.

I remember this feeling well, this sense of overburden. Everybody seems to think that they are busier than they are, and I believe this has a lot to do with our social world weighing too heavily on our internal and external worlds. Our lists of friends and those we influence climb into the thousands, and we never think twice about the burden this places upon our brains.

Now, with all of that being said about being a big ol' loser these days, I might as well point out some other things. Despite those frequent feelings of inadequacy, I have also established myself in three new reputable careers this year. I am in a dynamic and deeply rewarding relationship with a partner I love beyond description. I have an email list of about 30 people I can send a heartfelt message to, and I can expect a trove of supportive and encouraging responses. I may not be able to address the masses as I once could, but the masses can no longer address me either, and that is a balance I'm perfectly fine with.

All of the insecurities I am experiencing now were also there when I was a daily Facebook user. The difference is that the platform gave me constant adrenaline rushes and an unending source of distractions, and as a result I never looked at myself straight-on. Facebook was a house of mirrors in which my inner child, angry old man, and present self were constantly having a staring contest.

I could spend all day, every day, urging others to see the insanity in all of this. But, I would soon find myself in an Orwellian nightmare with my role being the presumed-to-be lunatic ranting against a world gone numb. Since I'm more of a Huxley man, I suppose you could say that I have stopped taking my soma since I stopped posting my status.

I recently described the social media platform as a place where everybody is trying to prove that they are the least lost. On Facebook, your insecurities can be worn like badges of pride, and the accolades you will receive for wearing those insecurities proudly can almost make them seem to disappear.

Almost.

Look, I'm not saying that real life doesn't require a bit of posturing here and there - it does. We have to puff up our chests and make a brave face now and then, which is an acceptable part of the human experience. The problem is that, on Facebook and other social media sites, all we seem to do is compete with one another in an attempt to escape being deemed the biggest loser of the day.

Admittedly, in my personal life, I would say that this mission also compels me even in my largely offline persona. I was bullied, neglected, and abused by a cruel world like so many others, so why wouldn't I feel the need to prove something? Leaving Facebook did not rid me of my shame or guilt, it simply silenced the echo chamber in my skull.

The difference is that, with some distance from Facebook, I no longer feel the need to prove that my experiences have in some way made my perspective more valid than anyone else's. I'd rather be okay with the loser I am, than be competing with the rest of the world to prove I’m not.

I was much cooler on Facebook than I am in real life, but deleting my account helped me realize I'm cool with that.

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