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edsbrak · 6 years

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let the light in

pairing: Steddie word count: 3k summary: Eddie wants to have his first kiss. Stan unexpectedly volunteers.

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(a short n sweet little steddie drabble bc I love them and I couldn’t stop thinking about this prompt for weeks! I hope you guys like it! enjoy! xx)

Being in the Kaspbrak household always keeps Stan on edge – mainly because of the woman downstairs he and their group of friends all call ‘The Terminator’. Not in front of Eddie though, of course. Stan knows that even with how crazy she is, Eddie would still take offence to it, his small stature figuratively growing in what Stan believes is just Eddie defending himself instead, not her.

It’s only himself here at the moment, perched precariously on Eddie’s desk chair as said owner of the chair sits comfortably on his bedsheets, legs crossed as he nibbles absentmindedly at the end of his pencil. Stan wants so badly to rip it out of there, watching as the thin layer of mental bends with each bite of Eddie’s teeth.

Eddie had asked him earlier that morning at school if Stan could come over and help him with an assignment. He’d agreed, knowing Eddie must really be struggling if he was asking just Stan.

They’d ditched the other Losers and watched as they made their way over to the Aladdin as he and Eddie turned the other way. These days Mrs. K only ever let Eddie have friends over if it was for study purposes, and they’d both shown their math textbooks as proof when they’d walked through the front door not an hour ago.

“How are you going with question five?” he asks after a few minutes of silence have passed. Stan himself finished up 10 minutes ago, but Eddie hasn’t written anything down in that time, which Stan guesses means he’s struggling again.

“Fine,” Eddie lies.

Eddie knows how Stan feels about lying, so he must really be determined to work this out by himself. But it would only defeat the purpose of inviting Stan over to help him in the first place, so slowly Stan gets up to walk over to the bed and sit down on the edge.

“Really?”

Eddie huffs quickly before shifting his book up further to his face. Stan sighs gently and reaches out to lower it.

“Where are you stuck?” he asks.

Eddie’s mouth twists, and that’s one thing about Eddie that is like Mrs. K: they’re both stubborn in nature.

“Here, let me show you…” Stan says tentatively, trying not to sound pitying, knowing Eddie hates it whenever anyone treats him incapable of doing things.

He begins going over the numbers, being cautious not to talk too fast. The Losers were all in junior year at the moment, and both he and Eddie were taking advanced mathematics. Eddie because Mrs. K had it out for the other maths teacher at school and demanded he be transferred, and Stan because his parents discovered how well he could calculate when he was 10 and in his dad’s study counting up the bills.

When he’s done, Eddie mumbles out a small ‘thank you’ before he tries his hand at it. Stan watches on, shifting sideways on the bed so his back isn’t twisting uncomfortably anymore. Eddie’s nose scrunches up as he works, the end of his tongue peeking out occasionally as he writes down each equation. It’s endearing enough that Stan becomes distracted and misses the moment Eddie finishes writing the answer and he’s looking at Stan with a proud smile, eyes deep and wide.

Stan clears his throat before reading over Eddie’s reasoning, finding that it all checks out.

“Nice job,” Stan smiles back. “Pretty soon you’ll be making linear inequalities your bitch.”

Eddie fake gasps. “He swore.”

“Don’t tell anyone I’m funny either, or else I’ll have to kill you,” Stan whispers dangerously, and it only puts Eddie in a state of giggles. Stan finds he enjoys it very much.

They work on finishing up the next 4 questions together, each one longer than the last, their shoulders touching as they lean up against the wall. Eddie thinks if he can get them done quickly they can still meet up with the other Losers and maybe head down to the quarry and soak up the remaining hours of daylight. In a perfect world it might be possible, but Stan isn’t sure about Mrs. K letting their little club interrupt her son’s precious dinnertime.

By question 8 Stan gets up to use the toilet, going through the process of washing his hands three times before closing the door behind him. As he’s walking back, Eddie appears stuck again, looking anywhere but his textbook as he chews on his bottom lip.

“Everything okay?”

Eddie’s eyes snap up to meet his, and he looks away just as quickly. Stan frowns, wondering what could have happened in the time he was in the bathroom.

“Nothing, ‘s fine,” Eddie mutters.

“Clearly,” Stan challenges.

Neither say anything else for a beat, until Eddie’s shoulders unclench and he releases a deep sigh. He looks slightly uncomfortable and Stan can’t help but be a little on edge about it.

Finally, Eddie says, “Have you had your first kiss yet?”

Stan blinks, not expecting that to be the cause of Eddie’s stress. “What?”

“I feel like I’m the last one in the group to have a first kiss,” Eddie continues as if Stan hadn’t said anything. He’s twisting his pencil around, obviously nervous. “We know Bev, Bill and Richie have all kissed someone, right?”

Stan sighs softly. He sits down again where he’d been before, thinking over his next words carefully. “Well, I can’t say for sure about everyone. But…” he stops to swallow. “No, I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

Eddie doesn’t react with surprise like Stan had thought he might. He’s still biting his lip as he looks at something across the room, as if deep in thought. Stan is about ready to move on with this conversation and return Eddie’s focus to his homework, but Eddie isn’t finished with it yet, apparently.

“Stan, I…” he starts, gaze darting every which way before he shakes his head. “Um, never mind.”

There’s a feeling deep in Stan’s gut, an inkling to what might have been on the tip of Eddie’s tongue. It sends a shiver up his spine; unexpected, but not unwelcome. Mind working a mile a minute, he goes through all the ways in which this could be damaging territory; instincts yelling at him to let it go. But there is a small part of him, hidden deeper; a part he isn’t sure he was even aware of until right now, as if Eddie had unlocked it with his perfectly innocent question.

Breathing through his nose, Stan exhales with a tremble before uttering, “We can try it.”

Stan’s suspicions are confirmed when Eddie’s expression morphs into surprise.

“We can kiss.” Stan isn’t sure why he repeats his statement. To assure Eddie or himself, he doesn’t know. “That’s… would you like to?”

Almost in slow motion, Eddie nods in answer. His eyes are still blown wide, like he’s waiting for Stan to yell ‘Ha! As if I’d kiss you, weirdo!’ To show he’s serious, Stan removes the textbooks in Eddie’s lap and places them carefully off to the side out of harm’s way. Eddie is still frozen, and Stan stops to ask, “Eddie?”

Instantly he’s snapping out of it, but still looking unsure. “Right. Yep. Okay.”

“We don’t have to,” Stan offers gently.

Eddie is shaking his head again before Stan even finished. “No, I want to.” And he sounds genuine this time, eyes set as he glances down to Stan’s lips occasionally. “I trust you.”

Stan feels another thrill, trying to keep it under wraps because it seems like he’ll be taking the reins on this one, despite the both of them being unfamiliar in this area. The most Stan has ever seen of kissing is from his parents and the various movies they all watch together. Eddie on the other hand, Stan thinks, is less aware, only having Richie’s less than tact descriptions about him and some girl going at it behind the school’s sports shed.

“Okay, well…” Stan stops to think again. “Let’s get comfortable first, right?”

“R-right,” Eddie answers, but when he makes no move Stan takes initiative and scoots back to the edge of the bed, feet planted on the ground. Eddie follows, his hand brushing against Stan’s as he goes. “Now what?”

“I guess we just… kiss?” At Eddie’s small noise that directly translates to ‘And?’, Stan clears his throat. “Alright. Well, when kissing, you close your eyes just before your lips touch.”

“Right,” Eddie nods, licking his lips almost subconsciously.

“And it’s best of your lips aren’t too wet, either,” Stan adds, hating when his aunts greet him at family gatherings with a spit-slick kiss on his cheek. Immediately Eddie is wiping at his lips with the back of his hand and Stan inwardly smiles. “Okay, we’ll start with a small kiss first; closed mouth.”

Eddie releases a slow breath, hands fisted into the sheets by his sides. Stan keeps one hand in his lap and the other on the bed next to Eddie to maintain some balance. Tentatively, he leans in, eyelids dropping halfway as he watches Eddie copy his movements. There’s no denying how badly Stan’s body is shaking right now, not wanting to screw this up as he puts on a front of faux confidence.

When their noses brush his skin tingles, and this close up, Stan can see Eddie’s freckles ever clearer than usual. Before he can chicken out, Stan closes the remaining gap and blindly finds Eddie’s lips in a soft kiss.

It lasts maybe 3 seconds, but for Stan, at least, it felt like a lifetime. A good one at that.

Simple, quick, foolproof.

They both draw back, and Eddie still has his eyes closed when Stan opens his.

“Was that okay?”

Eddie’s eventually flutter open, and Stan notices his cheeks are slightly flushed, eyes practically sparkling. “Yes.”

That one simple word is enough to have Stan boasting on the inside, completely chuffed he was able to give Eddie a nice first kiss after all. Feeling accomplished, he pulls back further to give Eddie his space, only Eddie doesn’t look relieved that it’s over, more like he’s shocked that Stan is moving away at all.

“Wait,” he says, his hand landing on Stan’s forearm quickly.

Stan gives him a curious look, trying not to linger on the heat emitting from Eddie’s skin. “What is it?” Perhaps he read the signs wrong and Eddie actually isn’t satisfied with that being his first kiss experience.

“Do you think…” Eddie’s hand grips tighter, almost fidgeting. “Can we… do it again?”

“You… want to do it again?” Stan repeats, more so making sure for his own sake.

“I mean, we don’t have to—” Eddie murmurs, withdrawing.

“No!” Stan interjects, lowering his voice when Eddie jumps slightly. “I mean – yes, I – I would like to.”

Eddie almost appears to sag in relief, energy giddy if Stan had to describe it somehow. They resume their previous positions, this time slightly closer than before.

“I know people begin to move their lips when they get more confident, right?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah,” Stan says. Despite having just kissed each other, the thought of kissing Eddie again suddenly has Stan even more nervous than before. “Keep it slow and steady. Remember to breathe through your nose while you do it.”

“Okay.”

Stan’s pulse quickens when Eddie grabs onto his arm again, shifting in as close as they can possibly be while sitting side by side. They begin to lean in, eyes slipping shut when their lips are close enough, and it’s just as electric as before when they press together.

Stan tilts his head marginally, his free hand twitching with a need to grasp something. And then Eddie opens his mouth slightly and Stan follows suit, lips parting as his bottom lip slips in between Eddie’s own naturally. He can feel Eddie’s breath hitch, obviously forgetting to breath with his nose, but Stan can’t bring it in himself to stop and remind him, so incredibly overcome with glee as he slowly becomes lightheaded from the feeling of… everything.

He can hear the small wet sound when their lips separate, slow and intimate, and without realising what he’s doing, Stan reaches up to cup Eddie’s cheek to angle Eddie to his other side. Stan reconnects their mouths again, working in tandem as he guides Eddie through the motions of it. Stan can’t believe they’ve managed to get this far, and from the sounds of it, Eddie is pleased with the results.

Eddie makes another small noise, a happy one, Stan’s sure, and Eddie’s other hand moves up so he’s gripping both of Stan’s arms tightly, like he’s scared he might fall.

Only when an unexpected touch appears in the form of the tip of Eddie’s tongue does Stan draw back, slightly startled as he looks at Eddie questioningly. Eddie seems embarrassed until he starts to panic at Stan’s expression.

“Sorry, I’m—” he says through short puffs. “I didn’t know if – I – I thought that was the next step. At least, that’s what Bill and Richie say—”

At the mention of their friends names, Stan can’t help but fixate on it. The entire Losers club, sans Bill, are all aware of Eddie’s childhood crush on their unofficial group leader. Stan’s never stopped to ask Eddie if he still likes Bill, and now he’s wondering why that’s even something to worry about at all. But the thought of Eddie kissing someone else after this, of maybe just using Stan as a means to show Bill that he’s more mature and grown up now doesn’t sit right with Stan.

Mind clouded with Eddie and Eddie only, Stan shocks himself and reacts purely on impulse as he dives back in to claim Eddie’s lips. He ends up hitting the corner of Eddie’s mouth, and there’s a small struggle as they rearrange for a better fit, lips moving more urgently than they need to be as a wave of need and want washes over Stan unexpectantly.

Eddie releases his grips on Stan’s arms to grab the collar of his shirt instead, pulling him in impossibly closer as Stan cups both sides of Eddie’s face.

Lips detach and reattach, sharing breaths and teeth accidently bumping together. Feeling bold, Stan tries what Eddie had done and pokes his tongue out, slowly grazing over what he thinks is Eddie’s top lip. Eddie produces a noise that makes Stan’s blood pulse, buzzing all around him. Finally their tongues both touch, not delving deep but sliding together occasionally as Eddie’s hands roam up closer to Stan’s hair.

Stan doesn’t know how it got to this point and isn’t sure he cares. “Eddie,” he manages to whisper between their mouths, and Eddie takes this as a sign to draw his feet off the floor and twist, desperate to keep their lips connected as he moves.

Stan isn’t sure where he’s going until Eddie is trying to get one leg over Stan’s to land in the middle. Instinctively Stan allows it, nerves overwhelmed as Eddie towers over him and sucks all of the air out of his lungs, fingers pin-points of warmth along his skin.

It’s nothing like Stan thought it would be and everything he’s glad it is.

Just when Stan’s sure his heart is about to jackhammer right out of his chest, a shrill cry booms from downstairs.

“Eddie! Dinner!”

They practically jump apart as if they’ve been burned, Eddie stumbling back on the carpet as Stan stays locked on the bed. They’re both panting hard, faces flushed and lips shiny with spit. When Eddie makes no effort to answer his mother, she predictably calls up again.

“Eddie-bear!”

Eddie visibly swallows. Stan is thankful Mrs. K never wants to trek the short walk up the stairs, otherwise she might have caught them in the act, and there is no way that could ever end well.

“Coming, ma!” Eddie manages to get out.

As if his ass is suddenly on fire, Stan shoots up from the bed and begins to pack up his things at the same time he tries to calm his body down.

“I’ll, um…” he begins, zipping his bag all the way over and hiking it over his shoulders. “I should go.”

“Right,” Eddie says, voice small.

Neither make a move for a few seconds, just staring at each other like their brains were just now finally catching up on everything that just transpired. It honestly felt like a fever dream, like stepping out of the twilight zone and back into reality after years without it. Stan can’t believe his first ever kiss was with Eddie of all people, and even more surprising he can’t think of one single fault in that knowledge now. It just feels right.

Clutching his backpack straps, Stan nods and begins the walk downstairs with Eddie in tow. Mrs. K is in the lounge room, dinner set up on the small table next to her, and she looks over at the two boys when they pass.

“Did you get your homework done, Eddie?” she asks.

“Yes, mommy,” Eddie mumbles.

“Good boy.”

There’s a lot Stan wishes he could say but knows he can’t. Instead, he says his goodbyes to Eddie before reaching for the doorknob, heart still beating fast even when he steps outside into the fresh air. He takes a moment to compose himself, straightening out his collar and hair as he sucks in several deep breaths.

As he starts to walk away, the shocking revelation in the pit of his stomach only seems to grow, desperate to find out exactly what was going to happen now that he and Eddie shared a moment together that Stan would argue was anything but a friendly lesson of kiss-and-tell. And before he can fester anymore on it, he hears the familiar creek of the front door opening and small, fast steps running after him.

“Stan!”

Stan turns around, about to ask Eddie what could be wrong, but his words are silenced when Eddie leans up to kiss him swiftly.

“Oh,” Stan says when it’s over, unable to think of anything else.

Eddie is already stepping away, expression shocked like he’s surprised by his actions, and he leaves Stan with these parting words: “See you tomorrow in class?”

Stan simply nods, watching as Eddie disappears back up into his house.

Maybe it’s not the exact answer his fast-working mind wants right now, but in his heart, he knows it’s the best one he could have gotten.

Stan smiles all the way home.

#steddie #my fics #pure fluff honestly #spread the love!!

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primallifecoach-blog · 7 years

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I have been where you have been

I have lived a great life - Good and bad. I have lived.

I have witnessed the birth of child, I have made money hand over fist, I have been around celebrities and experiences that most people would dream of having. I have owned fancy cars and I have owned beautiful homes. I owned expensive watches and clothes and shoes.

I have had the highest of highs---

But ...

I have been depressed - I have wondered what the next day would bring. I have had my heart wounded by the actions of someone else. I have puzzled my mind over where my next meal would come from - worse - HOW was I going to feed my son.

I have been injured more times than I can count. A couple of those times, the injuries were so bad that they totally changed my life.

I have had a debilitating disease that nearly ended everything for me.

I have owned and lost businesses, I have had to take jobs that seemed "beneath me" at the time.

I have been three days from homelessness and closer to death than I care to remember.

I have had the lowest lows.

But NOTHING written above, from the bad to the good defines me. It could have. Sure, it had am impact, but it doesn't define who I am now. My past is gone. Truly. Gone.

Why? Because I am not any of those things. I am simply who I choose to be TODAY. In this moment, which leads to the next.

I was recently speaking online with another coach- and she asked how I explain to people about how to explain this concept of letting go to my clients. I told her that It depended upon the individual. Some people are abstract thinkers and some people are linear thinkers. The linears have a very difficult time understanding that the past doesn't exist - whereas the abstract thinkers can more easily put the past in its place and move on. This coach then said to me, "I just try to get people to understand and tell them to 'fake it until they make it' and we move on to something else."

What kind of coaching is that? I simply can't do that. When people's past is haunting them or weighing them down, I have to be able to communicate with them and give real time exercises and hands-on homework to do. I have a litany of projects that will help people grasp and consequently 'let go' of the past - but it can't be done with a simple conversation and some flippant advice to "fake it until you make it." -

I will give you one of the simplest exercises now, but realize that this is just the tip of the iceberg and is just one of a dozen or so tools that I use to help you on your path to your truth--but try this:

Take a piece of paper and, as quickly as you can, write down 7-10 things from your past that you feel is driving your life today. Do it quickly. Then, without re-reading or dwelling on it, put it away someplace where you won't randomly see it. A week from today, get out a piece of paper and re-write the list.

Compare the two lists. Chances are very good that, not only did you forget one or two things, but you won't have them in the same order and you might even have something different written altogether.

What's the point? The point is that, unless you are a rare person who copied it exactly, YOU are different today than you were the day you wrote that list (which, incidentally, was also written in the past). The things that bother you today, may not have been hassling you on that original list day, and vice-versa. So if you can't even trust yourself to feel the same as you did a week ago, then what is the point of letting those things ru(i)n your life now?

It seems abstract, I know. But stay with it. Think about it. Ponder the process and you will see that you are a changeling. Different this moment to the next. On your soul level, on your primal level, you are an ever changing ball of energy.

Don't waste that change by trying to re-live what has already gone

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