#Just a thought y'know...
It’s impossible to sneak up on Steve
Like, actually impossible
Dude has eyes in the back of his head. It’s some kind of mom superpower. (Or maybe it’s just the hypervigilance. Whatever)
Eddie first notices because the kids try to sneak past him a couple of times and he always catches them
He even calls them out by name. And he’s always right
Every single time
He catches Henderson trying to get a snack before they’re about to eat (not that Henderson particularly cares he’s been caught; he eats his chips without remorse)
He catches Small Wheeler trying to smuggle an R-rated movie over the Buckley’s side of the counter while Steve’s back is turned (not that Buckley would’ve rented it to him)
He catches Red and Supergirl both sneaking junk food into the cart while they’re out grocery shopping (neither of them are repentant, and Steve rolls his eyes but does exactly nothing about it)
Eddie’s interest is piqued
The first time he tries sneaking up on Steve, Steve catches him before he gets within three feet
How
“You jingle when you walk, Eddie.”
Okay, yeah, that’s fair
Next time, Eddie takes off his wallet chain and all his jewelry
Steve still catches him before he gets close enough to reach out and touch
“Your shoes squeak.”
Eddie’s pretty sure they don’t, actually, but fine. The shoes are next to go
And Steve still fucking catches him. Eddie can hear the goddamn smile in his voice as he says “Hi, Eddie,” just as Eddie is reaching out to grab his waist
“I could smell your shampoo.”
He could smell Eddie’s shampoo?
His fucking shampoo??
Alright, no, actually, that’s kind of sweet. But Eddie can’t exactly stop using shampoo, because then Steve will probably just be able to smell his hair grease or something. Eddie has to get creative, but he makes sure he’s not downwind of the AC vent next time
Yet Steve is the one who manages to ambush Eddie while Eddie is ambushing Steve, turning around and pulling Eddie right into him before Eddie can pounce, kissing him hard and quick, asking if that’s what Eddie was going for when he pulls away
Half dazed, half aroused, entirely frustrated, Eddie demands to know how the fuck Steve caught him this time, and Steve shrugs
“It just... feels different, when there’s someone behind you. The air, maybe? I dunno.”
Is this man even human?
(Given the general state of... everything, Eddie feels this is a legitimate question)
But Eddie isn’t one to give up once he becomes fixated, so he bides his time
He waits
And he waits
And he waits, until it seems like Steve is engaged in something distracting enough that he’s not going to be paying attention to how the room behind him feels, or however the fuck that works, and takes his shot
AND HE SUCCEEDS
He has to promise never to do it again, because his ribs are now bruised from Steve’s very surprised elbow, and Steve is mad and handing him and ice pack and bitching at him at full volume, but y’know what?
Fucking worth it
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I love how much Joe just loves helping people, like a hermit will say on stream ''hmm where did my silktouch shovel go'' or ''hmm i need some nametags'' and Joe will log in 3 seconds later and appear in their base 5 seconds later like ''hi! i have the thing you need, here you go!'' and then disappear again like some benevolent faerie or something
which is also why, out of everyone, Doc really can't blame Joe for covering the perimeter, because the buttercups asked for help! it's instinct! Grian, Scar and mumbo probably went ''hey we need some help-'' and Joe was logged in before they could even finish the sentence ''- covering Doc's perimeter''
Like the other hermits likely helped partly because it's nice to have something to do while having a meeting and partly because fucking with Doc is funny but Joe? No Joe simply can't not help someone!
(Of course this does also benefit Doc because Joe already gifted him a bunch of shulkers full of sand when he heard about Doc's sand problem without even needing to be asked)
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So I am rotating the batfamily, but not like, civilian or vigilante. I am slowly rotating them all having a Malone-sona of sorts that is their in to organized crime.
Like you can't tell me people wouldn't start noticing this family that the bats, the literal cryptids and monsters of Gotham, don't even touch and lets continue to operate despite taking the older crime families apart.
And to Gotham that screams power.
Alfred = Albert “Old Al” Malone
I wanna say that he doesn't go out as 'Old Al' often, but gives off Godfather sort of vibes. Usually sitting there with an old cane (that definitely has a sword, they're all dramatic like that lol) half in the dark with a cup of tea or other drink.
He gets to stretch his acting skills and honestly the kids definitely had a say in the persona. Old Al is something they all made together and they have fun implying so much fun shit.
Kate = Mary “Madam” Malone
She definitely gives off 'snap your spine over her knee if not for the fact it would get your blood all over her clothes' vibes. Stylized nails, hair up in fishtail braids or ponytails or whatever, looks like she could tear out ones throat and they'd thank her.
It's a running gag that she's in finances, even if no one in the underbelly believes it.
Bruce = “Matches” Malone
I mean, it's classic Matches (though most probably assume that Matches isn't his real name) who seems rather chill until someone breaks the rules. Gives off vibes that he doesn't usually get his own hands dirty but will do so to make a point, and enjoy doing it.
He sometimes uses Matches to check in on places he can't as a shadowy cryptid, and it's not like the lower income areas would fully trust Brucie Wayne.
Barbara = Madison “Maddie” Malone
Now let's be honest, Barbara enjoys messing with people, she enjoys knowing every little thing as Oracle, and she definitely does that as Maddie. The thing is, no one knows how she learns about things, other criminals search for a traitor, for a leak, for anything, and get nothing. Which is utterly terrifying. Because there has to be some sort of information network, there has to be. And somehow they're so good that they're indistinguishable to any others.
Dick = Micheal “Mikey” Malone
Honestly Dick uses this chance to get into a bunch of fights just for fun. Flirts a bit more freely but doesn't really have an interest in actually getting with someone. Just has funs and is known for throwing his own parties that usually end in free-for-all brawls.
He absolutely loves being able to have parties that are the opposite of galas he's usually dragged into.
Cass = Molly Malone
She's quiet and graceful, but she takes it to unnerving levels as Molly. Looks slim but carries guns on her at all time to better differentiate between Cassandra Wayne, Black Bat, and Molly Malone. Everyone knows if you need a weapon, guns, meelee, whatever, she's the one you go to. Gotham help you if you cross her though.
Jason = Peter “Petey” Malone
Where Molly Malone goes, everyone knows Petey will be there as well. Jason absolutely adores the time he gets to do so, it's his turn to be silent and dramatic. Everyone can recognize the jagged scar over his neck, they can recognize it from corpses the Bats have gotten their talons on.
Honestly he's delighted in being able to be Cass' enforcer of sorts and just have a good fight. Even if he complains about how making his Malone mute makes it where he can't quote Shakespeare like he wants to.
Steph = “Mia” Malone
Ah yes, the explosive Malone. The one who has more arson charges than Firefly. Or at least she would if she was caught, but the entire Underbelly knows it was her. Steph is living her best life being able to pull all sorts of pranks and crazy shit and takes several ideas from Harley.
Honestly she probably smells like gasoline or smoke all the time, and definitely put glitter in her hair. Maybe even has red hair as a Malone as well.
Tim = Alvin “Al” Malone
He still goes by Alvin Draper too, which results in half the underbelly thinking that Draper is his middle name. Honestly he's having the best time, everyone knows to come to him for forgeries and less than legal identities, which he loves to create. I mean just look at how many new identities he creates for himself alone.
He enjoys this type of thing, and hey, it's so easy to keep track of whose identity is fake when you're the one who made them. Plus it also lets him do good for those on the run for good reasons, a way to make sure people are safe.
Duke = Dennis “Denny” Malone
Everyone knows Denny was adopted, but y'know what, I bet they don't care. And you know Duke is utterly insane, like jump off a bridge to escape the cops and create the We are Robin gang insane. And he gets to play that up as Denny. He will put forth the most batshit ideas and actually pull them off.
I bet he uses his future-sight to cheat at different games and pool tables and all sorts of things, but no one can ever prove it. Because there is no proof, and the other people playing just has to deal with it.
Damian = “Mini M” Malone
The little baby of the family, who everyone knows the older Malones absolutely dote over. This is his chance to act like an actual child, just with a hint of art theft. Hey, it wasn't like they got it legally either, so it's free game, especially if they weren't taking proper care of the art or a pet.
He's just pleased to get to have even more pets, and that Goliath his demon dragon-bat gets to go on walkies.
Jarro = Jadan “Lil J” Malone
Now Jarro is delighted to have a third mech, and is even more delighted for people to believe Damian (or technically M jr) and him are twins. Gives off someone is going to die- of fun with Mini M, and honestly enjoys being able to use his natural telepathy to be a small horror movie child that knows too much.
Like will stare up at someone with wide eyes covered in blood and the others in Gotham's underbelly still aren't sure if the blood was his or someone elses. (it was neither)
================================================
Honestly I might write a oneshot or something for the Cryptid Batfam focusing on just them as the Malones family.
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I said I wasn't going to get started on the topic of Aveline ruining Carver's chances with the guard but I lied okay, it's Carver Hawke defense hours.
Here's the thing; it doesn't matter if you believe Carver was or wasn't fit for the guard. That's a different debate that I'll get to. What matters is Aveline's in no position to tell the guard not to accept his application. Why does she think that's her right to judge whether or not he's fit?
Carver should've had the chance to prove himself one way or another. If it turns out he's not a good fit, then let him fail. Let him learn from it.
"Oh but failure could mean lost lives-"
Aveline doesn't get to talk shit about failure and the people. Plenty have died on her watch yet she still believes she's a good guard and Guard-Captain.
"maybe Aveline's protecting him, Carver could die while on patrol-"
Carver could die working in the Bone Pit, or serving as a templar, or when he's running around with Hawke. Carver could trip and fall down a set of stairs and die. In fact, he can die in the Deep Roads, somewhere he wouldn't have to go if the Hawke's weren't desperate.
Either Carver fails as a guard, or more likely, he succeeds and proves himself worthy of it.
But let's be real, Carver probably kept getting rejected due to being a Fereldan with a past of smuggling/mercenary work and Aveline only reaffirmed the decision, either because they asked her what she thought or she stuck her nose in unprompted.
But what irritates me is that she admits to telling them not to accept his application, and then has the balls to call Carver too proud to take up a trade or find another line of work.
Carver tells her, "And who would take on a Fereldan apprentice? Maybe in another year I could work my way up to pissboy." He has a good point here. Aside from the guard, the only other place Carver could work and use his skillset is with the Templars. Or go back to mercenary/smuggling work.
And Aveline doesn't even have a real answer for him. No suggestions, no encouragement, nothing. Just "Fine, let's crawl down some holes. Good bloody luck for your sake."
Also, if you do the Mark of the Assassin DLC in Act 1-
Aveline: You should see if any of the noblemen are looking for new men-at-arms.
Carver: Are you trying to get rid of me?
Aveline: It's a role with some autonomy. A good fit with your training and... tendencies.
Carver: After serving King Cailan? You want me to suffer some poncy git who needs two servants to wipe his own ass? I'll find my own way, thanks.
Aveline: I wish you would.
You wish he would?? Aveline, he was trying to find his way into the guard, a position he'd make a good fit for, and you helped deny him of it because YOU didn't think he would be good enough, I just-
If I haven't made it clear yet, I firmly believe that Carver would've made a great guard. He wants to help people, to be a protector. He's loyal, and despite what Aveline claims, he can follow orders and take his duty seriously. We see him do incredibly well with the Grey Wardens, after all. If he were a guard, he wouldn't have to go down into the Deep Roads with Hawke, and I think he would've been okay with that! He's so hurt and bitter when you leave him behind because that effectively tells him, "I don't need you." Carver's spent the whole first act telling you he wants to go on the expedition aka that he wants to be needed.
But if he were a guard, he would be needed elsewhere. He'd be in training as a recruit. He'd look after Leandra while you go. He wouldn't be backed into a corner with no income and only the templars left as his chance at forging his own path and providing for his family.
He doesn't get that opportunity, though.
By the way, if he becomes a warden, you can get this banter:
Aveline: I'm glad you found a place with the Wardens.
Carver: Well, it's not the city guard, but it'll do.
Aveline: Carver... it wasn't the place for you.
Carver: No, it's all right. It is. It cost a lot, but I get it. I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I?
Aveline: Well...
This banter makes me want to scream.
Aveline's just... she's so insistent that she's right. She's someone who will double down rather than entertain the idea that she's wrong and it's not just with Carver and the guard, it's with everything. The "my beef with Aveline" list gets longer and longer every time I replay da2, I swear.
Say what you will about Carver, whether you think he would've been a good fit or if Aveline's right and it wasn't for him, he was denied a chance and it cost him so much in the end. He either dies, or he joins the templars where he deals with Chantry's bullshit trying to brainwash him with "mages aren't people" and "magic is a cancer in this world", or he's infected with the blight and becomes a Grey Warden, forced to serve the rest of his life fighting darkspawn, tormented by voices and nightmares.
I will never not be bitter about this.
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"I'd be up shit's creek by myself. I was by myself. It's not great."
"Yeah. No, it's not."
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I went to a local yarn store for the first time, and while I was there, somebody was talking about getting a beginner's knitting kit, and she inquired about when lessons were, and when she was told that they'd be happy to sit down with her and teach her, she was so delighted. She talked about how excited she was and how much she wanted to learn to knit, and it just... it made me fall in love with humanity. It was this pure, unadulterated happiness coming from somebody and it was so genuine and kind, and I couldn't help but smile.
I guess all of this is to say... every moment, there are tiny little joys like this all over the world, and it makes this life worth living. I hope you witness and feel joy this simple, this pure.
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generally I just don't think elves are all that hot. like they look nice, yes. but there's just a certain vibe you gotta have to reach the level of being hot and elves never really get there in a way thats 100% 'mhm that's hot'. they're like really pretty antique vases nice to look at and admire for a lil bit but I mean im not gonna fuck the vase.
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In a conversation the topic of childhood comes up and the human part of the Fontaine cast (Wrio, Clorinde, Navia) is hit by 3 consecutive mental sucker punches when Furina, Neuvilllette and Sigewinne all reveal one after another that they have Never Been Children
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Wow, okay, I thought it was going to turn out that Zur was largely in control of Bruce's actions during Gotham War hence the whole Jason thing, but both Bruce and Zur confirmed Bruce's actions weren't Zur's doing.
DC cannot make him do something so incredibly unethical and then try to pass him off as this loving father who only wants what's best for Jason. I mean, sure, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Bruce obviously views what he did as an act of love, but if you play a card like that, you damn well better show the repercussions of it, which would be Jason cutting ties with Bruce completely and forever.
But nooo. You know what they made Jason do after all this? Offer Bruce emotional support after Selina "died." Get bent. They should've had Jason walk over to the pit looking distressed over Selina's fall, had Bruce try to put his hand on Jason's shoulder, and then had Jason smack Bruce's hand off with a, "Don't you ever touch me again you piece of shit."
Like fuck! Where's the lingering feeling of betrayal?! The lack of trust?! Don't give me this "you did a terrible thing to me, and I haven't had any time to process it, but I still care about you and love you, so I'm here for you" type of bullshit. Siiigh. I'm so tired.
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An Agonizing and Passionate Eclipse ✨🌑☀️
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thinking about how the captain would have become a ghost and had to watch the aftermath including both Havers' reaction and the reaction of all those other soldiers
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Anne Rice's Notes for TVA: Some Context Behind Armand & Daniel's Breakup...
... that she didn't end up using!
Great for fic fodder though — if you're like me and like angst:
But the parting from Daniel had been the worst. Daniel had no eyes for him. Daniel stared only powerful ancient Khayman whom he had taken as a wandering partner, and how he Armand realized that he was glad Daniel was going, that he felt no love for him, no love since the moment that he'd given him the dark gift. "And this my only child, where is he now? I can not call to him. I will not call to anyone."
At one point, Anne Rice really sat down and had Daniel leave Armand... not for Marius... not even for Lestat... but for Khayman!
ANNE.
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Valentin Da Silva | 177/??
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i want to go on a big and elaborate date with papyrus SPECIFICALLY bc of the way u draw him bc he’s so bbg cutie patootie
PapyrACE 💚💜 Happy Valentine's Day!
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y'know, the fact that we can see childe's memories from a time when he didn't have his vision with him really makes me wonder if kaeya saw anything while diluc was away from mondstadt
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