#John Cena Fan Fiction

[nevereverafter45]

Never Ever After|1| John Cena

masterlist

When The WWE rolls into the Windy City for Payback 2014, John Cena goes against his better judgment and goes sees Rhett Brooks, the one woman that he couldn't get off of his mind. And after seeing her and meeting their son, everything changes and his relationship with Nikki Bella suffers.

crossposted on FFnet and AO3

Rhett Brooks sighed pushing her long bangs behind her ears, today was a never-ending day of crap and it had gotten worse when she found that the WWE was in town, a company that she had a love-hate relationship with. And that was mostly due to the way they had treated her and her brother during her short tenure there, the emotions grew deeper when she ended her rocky relationship with now 15-time World Champion John Cena. A relationship she swore she would never get into, she had refused to date wrestlers from the get-go, and yet she found herself drawn into him like a moth to a flame.

A dangerous flame that she ended up getting burned by.

The flame that her brother and Colt had warned her about and warned her about time after time. But she didn't listen, she never did. She liked doing things on her own and a majority of the time she got burned but it was the best way she learned. 

"You know if you want something to do. You can always wipe down tables." Rhett's long-time friend Natalie said looking at her.

 Rhett turned her attention to her and gave her a tense smile, "If I have too."

 Natalie held out a towel for her, "Get to working.' 

"Yeah, yeah." She muttered putting the damp towel on the sticky table and started wiping the table down.

The little bell tolling over the door minutes later caused Rhett to pause and look up from what she was doing. 

"John." She breathed.

"Hey Rhett, got a minute?"

 Terror-filled green eyes went from her former flame to Natalie who nodded her head, she was one of the few people that supported Rhett being with John and trying to follow in her famous big brother's footsteps.

Rhett nodded her head and shakily sat down on the padded chair. 

"You look good." John complimented letting his blue eyes trail over her form before sinking down across from her.

 "So do you. Skank looks good on you." 

"Hey." John said, his demeanor changing quickly.

"Truth hurts doesn't it?" She asked folding her arms under her chest, "You were all serious with me then you cheated on me with Nikki Bella and your high school sweetheart. "

"I am sorry." He started holding his hands up. 

"Oh you are sorry that's really rich John! What's next you are going to tell me you are sorry that you missed our child's birth because you were too busy getting her a boob job.' Rhett said, her green eyes flashing.

John's frown deepened, this is not how he wanted this visit to go he wanted to see her and get her out of his head and then go back to his relationship with Nikki.

 But now that he saw her he wanted to stay with her and find out about his child and know what she was up to. 

"How is our child?"

 "Our son JP, is fine, he is with his uncle Punk and Aunt April they are taking him to the hockey game tonight."

"JP?"

 "Jonathan Philip. He loves his Uncle Punk." She pulled out her phone and pressed the button showing him the small boy with her piercing green eyes and his dimples and dark blonde hair sitting on his uncle's lap watching a movie.

"He is.'

"He is you." Rhett said, "With parts of his uncles sprinkled in. He is my whole world." 

"Does he know about me?" He asked. 

Rhett licked her lips and stole a glance at Natalie who nodded her head, "He does know who you are. But he doesn't know you are daddy. You made it clear that you didn't want to be a father and I am not going to force it on you. In fact, you say it all the time on Total Divas with Nikki. Tell me John why is it that you don't want those things with her and you were willing to do it all with me?' She asked folding her arms under her chest.

John lowered his eyes down to the table, he never really had the answer for it. He never did. Nikki asked him all the time about it.

 "Does she even know that we have a kid?" 

"No." He stared. 

"Really rich John. You want to sit there and like you are a good guy but you aren't."

 "Because Rhett at the time I could see myself settling down and having a family with you." 

Rhett laughed bitterly and raised her eyes to the ceiling. Starting to count the cracks in it. Anything to distract her from the pain that was surfacing again.

"I could. Liz was a mistake, she talked me into marrying her, she found the ring I bought for you and thought it was for her."

 Rhett lowered her eyes and looked at him. 

"What?' 

"Yeah, I was ready to have you move in with me and marry you. I even went as far as to ask your brother for permission.'

 A small laugh escaped Rhett's lips, "Oh Punk must have gotten a kick out of that." 

"He did, he was protective of his little sister."

"He still is. He was with me when JP was born, he and Colt traded off going with me to doctor's appointments and parenting classes."

 "She use to joke that it was their baby and not hers because they were so involved in it." Natalie piped up from behind the counter. 

John nodded his head with a slight laugh, "I want to meet him."

"I don't know John, I don't want to get his hopes up, you have Nikki in your life and you are gone 300-plus days a year.' 

"Please." He begged, and he tried not to beg often but he knew he had to, he needed to meet his son once and see what he was like. 

Rhett shook her head and looked at Natalie again for support but she shrugged her shoulders. 

"Please." He repeated looking at her. 

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded her head, "Come by before you leave tomorrow, Punk is bringing him over after the hockey game."

 "Thank you, Rhett," he said covering her hand with his ignoring the familiar flip of his heart in his chest. 

She pulled her hand away and stood up from the table.  “Just don’t make me regret it, John. My son doesn’t need a broken heart and neither do I.” 

#ash writes #oc: rhett brooks #john cena fan fiction #john cena imagines #series: never ever after #wwe fan fiction #wwe imagines

[mangio-formaggio]

'argylle' was designed to check all my personal boxes with sam rockwell being silly and sexy malewife to a realistically built female superspy, who is very capable but also writes cringe gay fan fiction about henry cavill and john cena. there's also a cat.

#argylle #sam rockwell #bryce dallas howard #henry cavill #john cena #my absolutely favorite kind of a movie where everything is damn and camp but people are hot and fight scenes are just music videos

[atlasscrumpit]

Treating Fan fiction Writers like humans

On the subject of the mistreatment of fan fic writers

So, I'm not sure if it's maybe because of character Ai? But, lately people have been a lot more casual with insulting fan fic writers.

I thought maybe because so many people are used to Character Ai they forget that fan fic writers are actual people.

If you see mistakes in a fan fiction you can politely correct them but don't be rude about this. This isn't our job, we don't get paid to write these fan fictions. We are literally doing this as a hobby and for free for everyone.

I can't stand when people are like 'you should've done this' like, shut tf up and you start writing then.

This isn't my fucking job and you are not paying me for this, so for the love of John Cena start respecting people who write fan fictions.

And another topic is requests.

When writers write a request for you, you do not own that piece of work. It is not a commission, do not ask for them to rewrite it. We are doing it as a thank you for supporting us.

To sum up, don't be a dick.

#Writer #writers on tumblr #Support #Writers support #Fan fiction

[olderthannetfic]

Sorry to dredge up the "does mcyt count as rpf" discourse again https://www(.)tumblr(.)com/olderthannetfic/711510817838972928/honestly-the-only-time-i-regret-stepping-near-the

Someone's brought this up before, but people in rpf-adjacent fandoms really need to look into how professional wrestling fandom handles kayfabe i.e. the blurring of boundaries between what's real and what's not.

To demonstrate, let's take popular wrestler John Cena. Anyone who's followed his WWE career for a decent amount of time would know there are storylines that make it ambiguous whether it centers around John Cena the IRL person (who may or may not have done questionable career moves as the company man for an actual bastard who's besties with Trump), or John Cena™ the TV character and/or living meme. The problem is wrestling as a fandom THRIVES on behind the scenes gossip, and even if you're dealing with the fictionalized version of the persona, as a fan your interpretation is inevitably going to introduce real-life baggage that has nothing to do with the TV character. A lot of wrestling fandom (say, anything involving CM Punk or the Bullet Club guys) deals with this kind of duality - even if you're writing fic about a fictional character, parts of it will veer into what feels like rpf territory.

I'll leave it to the mcyt fandom to figure out where that line falls for them: if they're really convinced it's not ACTUALLY rpf because it's a caricature of a caricature of an irl youtuber, whatever. But in the end ALL rpf is just caricatures of real people anyway, and I don't see how adding an extra layer of fictionalization can erase the reality they're using celebrities as barbie dolls for harmless make-believe.

--

I'm not in wrestling fandom, but mcyt always makes me think of it too.

[agentnico]

Argylle (2024) review

Mr Cavill, you sir are fine class gentleman. But that flat-top haircut is a disgrace and you know it.

Plot: Reclusive author Elly Conway writes best-selling espionage novels about a secret agent named Argylle who's on a mission to unravel a global spy syndicate. However, when the plots of her books start to mirror the covert actions of a real-life spy organization, the line between fiction and reality begin to blur.

I have noticed critics have really been harsh on this movie, with as of this writing Argylle holds a 35% review approval from Rotten Tomatoes. It’s not that bad. In fact it’s really enjoyable. Yes, it’s really dumb, but it’s also fun. Director Matthew Vaughn’s latest is gladly a crowd-pleasing action spy flick that is full of twists and bombastic set pieces, that takes inspiration from the 1973 French comedy The Man from Acapulco starring Jean-Paul Belmondo, where the novelist too was getting mixed into their fictional created spy world. Yes, there are an abundance of twists, so much so that if you really look into it there are so many logical gaps and absurd plot holes, however this movie embraces its silliness and simply tries to out-do each twist with another one, as if in a personal race of wit. Some turns are predictable, some less, but it’s all good fun and every time the story threw another narrative curveball I couldn’t help but have a smile on my face.

That’s really what this movie boils down to - it’s an irreverent over-the-top espionage blockbuster that’s a ton of fun, featuring an all-star cast of famous people, most of whom are only cameos (Dua Lipa fans please reserve your expectations), all of whom are having the best time ever and you’re enjoying the ride alongside them. Henry Cavill does his best Bond impression, however even though he’s the titular character he’s actually hardly in the movie. I’m serious, aside from the opening sequence he pops in maybe 5 minutes total in the whole film? Yep, guess that’s your first twist there. Argylle hardly has any Argylle. Nevertheless Cavill as always is a charmer, but maybe wait till Guy Ritchie’s The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare to get your proper 2024 fill of Henry Cavill. Dua Lipa does a dance; John Cena’s in there somewhere but I couldn’t see him (almost as if he’s, dare I say, invisible!); Catherine O’Hara excels; Bryan Cranston does the evil-dude-in-a-lair trope with the gusto of Walter White for he is indeed the one who knocks, and Samuel L. Jackson is heavily under-used, acting as only a MacGuffin to give the movie’s finale some extra stakes, though that does fall a bit flat. However the main characters of Argylle are Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell. This is their movie. With Howard playing writer Elly Conway with a delightful spark, but it’s Sam Rockwell who’s the MVP, which shouldn’t come as a surprise as he’s great in these type of sarcastic roles. He gets one of the best lines and moments, and honestly he’s on top form.

In terms of negatives, the CGI is bad. Like astonishingly bad. There are some truly cool action sequences, but they were consistently hindered by the overused obvious green screen which was so jarring, and at times it felt like even when characters were standing just talking that they were still enveloped in CGI. Heck, this movie includes a cat which by the way adds nothing to the plot, but it’s there and for the most part it’s a CGI cat, which just looked daft. Also at over 2 hours the movie could have easily cut off a little fat and shortened its runtime, as it did overstay its welcome a little. That being said this is the most fun I’ve had with a Matthew Vaughn flick since his first Kingsman movie, and it was nice to switch off my brain and simply enjoy a silly nonsensical piece of entertainment. Oh, and the soundtrack choices throughout were great. Can never go wrong with a lil’ Barry White.

Overall score: 5/10

#argylle #movie #film #movie reviews #film reviews #comedy #action #sam rockwell #matthew vaughn #henrycavill #henry cavill news #henry cavill #dua lipa #bryce dallas howard #bryan cranston #2024 #2024 in film #2024 films #elly conway #spy #kingsman #catherine o'hara #john cena #samuel l jackson #ariana debose #richard e. grant #cinema #apple original films #Argylle review

[popentertainment-moviereviews]

ARGYLLE (2024)

Starring Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O'Hara, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, John Cena, Samuel L. Jackson, Sofia Boutella, Rob Delaney, Jing Lusi, Richard E. Grant, Louis Partridge, Stanley Morgan, Alfredo Tavares, Tomás Paredes, Alaa Habib, Bobby Holland Hanton, Kandy Rohmann, Fiona Marr and Chip the cat.

Screenplay by Jason Fuchs.

Directed by Matthew Vaughn.

Distributed by Universal Pictures. 139 minutes. Rated PG-13.

There is something a little bit off about the action spy comedy Argylle from the very beginning, and it’s not just the fact that the filmmakers don’t know how to spell argyle.

Still, it started out somewhat promisingly. It is the tale of a thirty-something middle-classed bachelorette named Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) who has become a best-selling author by writing a series of novels about a debonair spy named Argylle (which, for some reason is pronounced argyle even though with the double L spelling it should be pronounced “ar-jill.”)

Argylle is played by Henry Cavill, and it should be noted that Cavill has a relatively small role here, despite getting top billing and being front and center in the poster. Cavill is just playing the fictional character in some fantasy sequences strewn throughout the story.

Novelist Conway is the lead character here. She lives a fairly uneventful life, doing readings (in which she seems to read the entire book right up to the very end?) at local bookstores and hangs out with her beloved cat. She is finishing the fifth book in the Argylle series, but she seems to have hit a brick wall as far as ideas go. So she decides to take herself and her cat on a train (she’s afraid to fly) to visit her parents (Catherine O’Hara and Bryan Cranston) in the hope that the change of scenery will help her come up with an ending.

While on the train, she meets up with an eccentric traveler named Aidan (Sam Rockwell) who claims to be a fan – and a spy. He also claims that she had somehow stumbled on a story in the last book which actually had happened and there are bad guys that assume she knows more about real-life espionage than most would expect.

Suddenly people everywhere are trying to capture or kill Elly and she is thrown into an adventure more crazed than any that she had ever written. She must take to the road with Aidan in order to save her life and figure out who is after her and why. She is in near constant danger – as is her cat (honestly, the poor kitty is way mistreated in this film, thrown around, dropped off a high-rise building, shot at, and forced to spend hours stuck in a kitty backpack.)

The early parts of Argylle were actually pretty much fun, but then about halfway through the film there is a major plot twist that pretty much lost me. I won’t say what it is – spoilers and all – but if you see it you will surely know. Then after that twist, you either buy into what Argylle is selling or not, and frankly I really didn’t.

In the meantime, the film just keeps on and keeps on (nearly two-and-a-half hours for this?) with one flashy-but-cartoonish (and fairly inexplicit) action sequence after another. A highly choreographed gun, knife and hand-to-hand fight in the middle of billows of colored smoke and throbbing strobe lights pretty much show what you are getting here. If you think it looks cool, then you may like Argylle. I felt it looked kind of ridiculous. No one has fought like that since West Side Story – or at least since the “Beat It” video. And at least those fights didn’t have to put up with the sensory overload of the special effects.

Argylle is apparently a loose offshoot of the Kingsman movie series – films which I must admit I have never seen, although a friend of mine is a huge fan. And, from what I hear, the Kingsman films share this movie’s light action vibe. But I have to think, or at least hope, that the Kingsman films are better than this.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2024 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: February 2, 2024.

#Argylle #2024 #Bryce Dallas Howard #Sam Rockwell #Movie Review #Jay S. Jacobs #Youtube

[otakunoculture]

Die Harter is full of ♥ and Craziness

Fans of @KevinHart4real will certainly want to check out his short form television series, Die Hart: Die Harter 2 is on #roku. I couldn't stop laughing! It's #sitcom #actionfilm hijinks done right! #televisionreview at:

Available on Roku Fans of Kevin Hart‘s style of comedy and John Cena being weird will certainly Die Harter of laughter at how this series is continuing. The fictional version of this comedian believes he can become the star of his own film. After reinventing The Jeffersons as an action television show, people are talking about him. But he wants to go further and have a movie that is completely…

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[nevereverafter45]

Never Ever After Masterlist

Pinterest

Playlists

More will be added once I find all my old google docs

Seth Rollins

Stronger Than Yesterday

Roman Reigns

I'm Yours

Dean Ambrose

Live Fast Die Beautiful

Drew McIntyre-

Trio of Angels

Shane McMahon

One For The Money (also a Randy Orton story)

John Cena

Never Ever After

Chris Jericho

Another Trip Around

Christian Cage-

State of Affair

The Miz/ John Morrison

Lessons That Are Meant To Be Learned

#ash writes #wwe fan fiction #wwe imagines #seth rollins fan fiction #seth rollins imagines #roman reigns fan fiction #roman reigns imagines #drew mcintyre fanfiction #drew mcintyre imagines #dean ambrose fan fiction #dean ambrose imagines #shane mcmahon fan fiction #shane mcmahon imagines #john cena fan fiction #john cena imagines #chris jericho fan fiction #chris jericho imagines #the miz fan fiction #the miz imagines #john morrison fan fiction #john morrison imagines #christian cage fan fiction #christian cage imagines

[somekindagaydog-blog]

The great part about professional wrestling is the fictional blorbo from my shows has to exist on this plane of reality. Like you go to a signing and it’s not just a guy in a costume, it’s THE guy in a costume. What other content can you bully the writers live on TV so much that they have to change plotlines because you like blorbo from your shows so much and are angry that he isn’t getting the love he deserves.

To be fair sometimes wrestling writers act like fan fiction writers and just pick a character they hate for some reason and just spend years tearing the character down no matter how the audience responds. There was that time a guy ended up needing to use a wheelchair for a while (in storyline) from a back injury and then a demon in a leather mask pushes him off the stage and John Cena makes out with his girlfriend. This was all because the guy managed to get himself over with the audience all by himself outside of WWE (because the fictional characters exist in our reality) and the writers hate when characters are happy on their own.

Oh and in WWE the actual literal owner of the company is a jacked old man that occasionally gets in fights with the performers and sometimes it’s on tv.

Oh and occasionally a character will return after 10 years and we get the whole “Glup shitto is back” moment

#wwe #wrestling #wwe has some of the worst content #and yet i’ll always come back #blorbo #This is real life #you seeing this shit

[kirbyskisses-main-moved]

I know literally nothing about WWE, what did you mean by "storyline"? Isn't it just dramatized wrestling?

… ooo boy. it’s finally happening.

A Grossly Oversimplified Summary of How Pro-Wrestling Works.

WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment, formally WWF), is not a sports company per say. Yes, all of it’s wrestlers are trained in wrestling and stunt work. But it’s actually a form of live theater with written scripts and everything. 

It has characters and storylines. Roman Reigns is a character played by Leati Joseph Anoaʻi. Sasha Banks is a character played by Mercedes Justine Kaestner-Varnado.

WWE likes to blur the lines between reality and fiction, so actors usually stay in character around fans and in interviews. “Heels” (bad guys) with usually act like cocky assholes to some extent, and “Faces” (good guys) being more charming and exuberant. 

A “Heel-Face Turn” is when, over the course of a long time, a good guy becomes a bad guy or vice versa. 

(When they do intentionally break characters it is a huge thing, ESPECIALLY when they go off-script in a match. There are of course exceptions - for decades the lines were really blurry, but now people know that these are characters and so most of the actors can just act like they are as people off-stage.)

What differentiates it from regular TV shows or plays is that it’s on going, and it takes place in real time. If 7 days pass in real life, 7 days pass for the characters.

And yes, the writing is over the top and cheesy a lot of the time and the WWE has a corporation is actually pretty terrible to the people who work for it, but sometimes you get a story that is genuinely effective and you get to see it play out for days or months or years.

Roman Reigns, the character, started in 2012 as part of a group, and then went solo in 2014. He was a Face and people fucking hated him. 

Both the character and the real life person come from an esteemed family of wrestlers. Everything between 2014 and 2022 - his group breaking up, the public hate of him as a Face, real life things like Anoaʻi getting mocked for having Leukemia or ‘disappointing’ his family, slowly changed him into a Heel.

That’s almost 8 years of the character growing and changing and experiencing loss and becoming a champion and interacting with other wrestlers. And some of the most famous wrestlers - John Cena, The Rock, Dave Bautista, The Undertaker - have stories that span decades.

It’s like watching an anime or a popular drama series play out “in real life.”

This is just a really really simple description, here’s entertaining videos by people who do it way better than me.

WWE - Last Week Tonight

Professional Wrestling is Stupid and Beautiful and I Love It - Super Eyepatch Wolf

Heels - Super Eyepatch Wolf

Wrestling Isn’t Wrestling

But I am really glad you asked because anybody I can get to even just appreciate pro wrestling more instead of just saying “it’s fake” - really makes me happy. 

#wwe #wrestling #roman reigns #royal rumble #wwe smackdown #news #YouTube #pro wrestling #writing #dwayne johnson

[bayleymania]

i know that intergender wrestling is kind of a no-no in big companies but i want to acknowledge that cm punk and bayley, if given the opportunity, could EASILY have a feud of the decades based solely on their promos.

Alright… I think this is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. You are right, just with their promos they could absolutely KILL IT. The tea they would spill… Gosh. It would be Pipebomb after Pipebomb:

IMPORTANT: I am a huge Bayley and CM Punk fan, and this was hard to write… this is just the fictional scripts I would make in this dream feud. Also, also, please take in count they are my current favorite wrestlers and as much as I love them, I wrote the most savage thing I could think of. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you Bay. I love you Punk.

Punk would say something like this: Bayley, you have complained about being overshadowed and underappreciated for so long, you have done nothing more than call yourself underrated, than saying you deserve better; but, have you even thought that maybe you were that underappreciated for a reason? That you were called to the main roster after your fellow 4HW because they are simply better than you? That you haven’t even main evented Wrestlemania and a “rookie”, like you called Bianca Belair, did it before you because people actually wanted to see that? That you don’t get the respect you “deserve” because you don’t deserve it at all. Maybe all of this happened because you are simply not good enough.

In Bayley’s case, I can imagine a promo similar to this: “You talk about me complaining. But you built an entire career of bitching about the company that made you who you are. Hell, even the infamous “pipebomb” it’s just 7 minutes of you complaining about John Cena being exactly what he is: Better than you. You didn’t lose your love for wrestling because a company took it from you, you lost your love for wrestling because you are just a little bitch you couldn’t get what he wanted so he went to cry for 7 years about it until he was so broke that needed to return to wrestling after failing at UFC. Maybe I’ve never been the top dog, maybe I’ll never be… but I prefer being called “good enough”, than being a called a freaking failure. ”

Me after writing this:

#I’m sorry I am so so so sorry #I know writing this wasn’t necessary but… I was curious to see if I could write a savage promo about them #I LOVE YOU BAY #I LOVE YOU PUNK #THIS HURT #fantasy booking

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “Adventures in the Elements”

So you guys already know the whole story of how the episode aired in another country and all that jazz and I’ll be honest I’m totally one of those people who decided to watch it anyway.

It was an Amity episode! The temptation was too great. 

I’m going to do a fave five episode list after I’m done with these reviews so I don’t want to spoil it but this episode is probably going to be number one or two. I almost didn’t have to watch the episode to review. That’s how often I’ve watched this one. 

I’ve already said how much I love the cold openings for this show. Not only do they set up the start of the plot, but they also have some of the best jokes in the episode. 

“Hey, freeloaders!” If I ever have kids, that’s how I’ll greet them whenever I enter a room.

Luz is excited to start Hexside but Eda is more excited about her latest batch of human garbage. She dreaming of all the cool things she’ll get to do until she remembers that she has to meet Amity to get her Azura book back. Nice of Luz to lend her the book for four or five episodes. Big brain no count right now.

Luz meets up with Amity and we get the best kind of prize: a surprise. The twins are back! According to Amity, they’ve been trying to make up for what happened in Lost in Language. It’s good to know that the twins know the difference between humiliating your sister and almost getting her killed. Hooray for values I guess.

Another reason I really like this scene is because we get to see Amity really try her best to be friendly to Luz. She’s been antagonistic in every previous episode, so this is the first time we see her try to be friendly to Luz. We get to see Friendly Amity and Friendly Amity is more...protective than I expected her to be.

“Edric, Emira! Stop bothering her.”

Her raised brow and tone of voice also tells me that she was NOT expecting Luz to enroll in Hexside for the next semester. She’s really putting effort to be nice and helpful to Luz. I don’t think I’m wording it right, but I hope you get what I mean. Since Luz made the first move to making their relationship better Amity feels like she would do the same. Sorry, baby girl but that’s a slippery slope that you’re about to slide off in a few episodes. ;)

Amity the one who has to tell Luz that classes at her level require a placement exam and mastery of two spells and Luz remembers that we haven’t done a lot of magic learning in a show about learning magic.

Luz confronts Eda about it, but Eda doesn’t really care until Luz takes advantage of her pride. Eda decides it’s time for magic boot camp and that idea sets off King’s B-plot. Eda takes Luz to The Knee!

So powerful, it defeated John Cena. See if you were a wrestling fan you would have found that hilarious.

According to Eda, early witches came to the knee to develop their magic due to its strong natural magical energy. It’s times like this that remind you that everyone is living on a giant corpse. For kids!

But they’re not alone. The Slitherbeast also lives in the knee, but it won’t mess with you until the third act. And there’s also...

“I’m trying to beat Ed and Em’s highest score on the exam.”

We get more insight into Amity and the Twins. Even though we saw that in Lost in Language the twins were troublemakers who cut class, Amity still has to train to match their score. So Amity has to really work hard to get to the top while the twins (who before this had always given Amity a hard time) are naturally very talented. This actually explains so much about Amity’s freak-out back in Covention. I’m guessing that Amity doesn’t think that’s fair but it’s the hand she’s stuck with.

Luz continues to use the laziest plot device in all of fiction and lies about knowing powerful spells. Luz sees Amity training with a cool wand and Eda does this:

Even the twins have concerns.

Eda’s training does remind me of some philosophy I’ve been studying. What I took from the scene is that Eda does believe that magic should be wild and natural. It’s why she tells Luz to study rocks and eat snow (stay AWAY from the yellow snow). She’s trying to tell Luz that magic comes from the island. It comes from nature. Like The Force from STAR WARS. It flows freely from nature; that’s why she calls it wild magic.

Eda definitely prefers it over using Amity’s “wack training wand.” She probably sees things like that and The Emperor’s coven system as ridged, manufactured and other words that mean fake. Even the wand looks like it’s battery powered. 

Luz, however, is still an impatient kid. She wants to listen to Eda, but her lessons seem odd and Amity’s training looks more like what she was expecting. So Luz pulls another lazy plot device that I’m surprised they don’t more in a show with Eda in it: stealing.

Meanwhile in the B-plot, King wants to do his own boot camp but has no one to do it with. Except Hooty but he says nuts to that noise. King uses Eda’s potion to bring the toys to life. Unfortunately for him, King gets more Chucky than Toy Story.

Luz steals Amity’s book and training wand and can do magic! Eda catches her and they get into a little argument before Luz launches a fireball and hits the only other creature that has been introduced on The Knee. What are the odds?

The Slitherbeast gets so pissed he grabs Eda and the twins. Amity decides to try to go help them and traps Luz in a barrier. 

“You’ll only get hurt.”

Amity is angry with Luz for taking her stuff and putting her siblings in danger, but she’s still putting the effort to be nicer to Luz. Even so this is were we first see the seeds of her crush. It’s not a full blown crush yet but there is a change in her behavior. It’s starting but it’s so small even Amity hasn’t noticed yet.

The B-plot has some of my favorite Hooty moments that really made me laugh out loud.

Back to the main plot (that I don’t have shots of. Come on, Owl House wikia) Luz is stuck in the barrier Amity put up an notices that the stars make the shape of the light glyph. Luz figures out that magic in The Boiling Isles comes from nature because here magic is nature. Since magic can not come from her, it has to come from the island. Even the snowflakes are all tiny individual ice glyphs. 

Luz uses her newfound knowledge with Amity to free Eda and the twins and put the Slitherbeast to sleep. 

And the episode ending is just...just great. 

“I’ll be haunted by my actions forever. Hoot.”

FINAL SCORE: 5 - Loved it.

This is my favorite episode so far. I really want to finish watching all the other episodes before I decide if this is my favorite ever but it’s up there. Like top three. We get worldbuilding, character building, jokes, lore, Amity, Hooty, Twins. It’s fun and meaningful. The revelation that magic comes from the island is something that I know is going to mean a lot to the main plot later but we’ll have to wait and see.

The B-plot here is one of my favorites because I just love Hooty and his weirdness. Every choice they make with him is hilarious. And after this we really get into the lumity zone. Stick around.

#the owl house #my works #full review #full reviews

[i-growl-growl-growl]

Mobile masterlist p.2

Since the first masterlist can no longer take any more sections, I’m attempting to make a second masterlist for those on mobile.

                                Super Junior reactions

they are jealous

accidentally kicked in the privates while wrestling

all the members are in love with the same 98 liner

Eunhyuk gets a vaccination

helping you recover from a Lecion

their partner has low self-esteem

                           BigBang reactions

His partner sells drugs to a celebrity

discovering their partner is a tazza

                            EXO reactions

1 Drying their patner’s hair after showers (fluff)

Being in the ER after their child attempts suicide (sad/triggering)

Their partner agrees to let them adopt children (fluff)

their child is diagnosed with ADHD (slice of life+drama/family)

Their unborn baby might be abnormal (slice of life+drama/family)

Their boyfriend wants to top (smut/sexual)

Their child comes out as transgender (slice of life+drama/family)

His partner proposes to him

His partner knows how to massage

Their partner denies that they are sick

They’re are in a Daddy/child age play relationship (smut/sexual)

Worrying about their pregnant partner overworking (angst)

Accidentally saying something about their secret relationship (dating)

Their child dies from cancer (sad/triggering)

Watching the filthy Frank show (viewing)

Watching John Cena vines (viewing)

Their partner continues to train with an abusive ballet teacher

Meeting a child who’s hiding from the doctors (fluff)

Having an overly attached partner

Hearing you sing TaTu’s songs (viewing)

Watching CL’s Hello Bitches video (viewing)

Their child shows them their self-harm scars (sad/triggering)

When their partner is the real sculptor of Rom muecks artwork (fictional)  

Visiting a horror house with their partner

Receiving another figging punishment but being consoled afterward (smut/sexual)

Giving their bulimic partner medicine

Their partner wants to remain a Tazza even after being beaten up (fictional)

Their anorexic partner won’t let them give them an IV (sad/triggering)

Fighting with their daughter (drama/family)

They slap you during a fight (drama/family)

Dating someone who is similar to themselves (dating)

You cheat on them (angst)

You do the “now you see me” piranha tank stunt (fictional)

His daughter has an abusive boyfriend (drama/family+triggering)

You’re in Tove Lo’s High video (viewing+fictional)

Sehun dates Kaya Scodelario (dating)

Watching Rihanna’s Bitch better have my Money video (viewing)

Receiving a figging punishment (smut/sexual)

Their religious partner is afraid to kiss them

Their partner over practices ballet because they want to be the best

Their partner injures their should but continues practicing Acro-Dancing

Their partner hides their body curves because they’re self-conscious

making a Halloween pumpkin with their partner (fluff)

their partner suggesting an open relationship (dating)

Their partner plays Harley Quinn in the next Suicide Squad

their child kisses another members child that is the same gender

their boyfriend comes out to them as bisexual (slice of life/……)

walking in on their younger brother having sex with another member (smut/sexual)

showering with their significant other

they are doms and spank/punish you when you do something that’s not allowed (smut/sexual)

His boyfriend denies he has an eating disorder (sad/triggering)

seeing their partner featured in Jay Park’s Mommae mv (viewing+fictional)

his lover has an asthma attack and exo can’t find their inhaler

accompanying their daughter while getting an injection (family)

their partner swallows nails to hurt themselves (sad/triggering)

you’re really sad and tired so they try to comfort you (fluff)

you end up in jail for scamming a person and they pay the bail fee

Their partner says they are “friends with benefits” rather than partners (dating)

A youtuber they like covers their song

Their female friend walks out in a towel but it drops

seeing you fangirl to Bang Bang Bang (viewing)

Their partner lets people treat them badly (drama/family)

Their partner has anemia but won’t take any medicine (sad/triggering)

Finding out their partner is a cannibalistic serial killer (fictional)

Finding you cutting yourself in the bathroom (sad/triggering)

Awkward morning after a drunk one night stand (smut/sexual)

getting stuck in an elevator with a foreigner who speaks their language

First time with their boyfriend/partner (smut/sexual)

seeing your self-harm scars (sad/triggering)

Their idol crush steals their papel on Running Man

Their partner is a slow eater

meeting their child for the first time (fluff+family)

discovering their partner is a Tazza (fictional)

They find out you write fanfics about them

Their partner walks around the dorms in a hoodie and under and the others see

Saying their partner is cute around the other boys and one of them replies

finding out their partner was a gifter before meeting them (fictional)

you put a bra on top of their chest and take a picture while they sleep

his partner does illegal gambling (drama/family)

Their best friend’s partner is abusive (sad/triggering)

81 going with their partner to the doctor and the doctor makes an indecent preposition

EXO page 2

When they are crying and the ageplay mommy/daddy comforts them  (Lay, baekhyun, Chen)

when they accidentally go into their “little space” (ageplay) (Lay, Baekhyun, Chen, Kyungsoo)

Their vampire partner refuses to turn them (Kris, Suho, Kyungsoo, Tao)

EXO/NCT announcing to their partner that they’re pregnant (Luhan, Baekhyun, Yuta, Ten)

Their partner doesn’t let them meet their child because they might be unhappy/accusing  (lay, Sehun, Chanyeol, Chen)

being trapped in an elevator with their crush (Sehun, Chanyeol, Lay, Chen)

their partner’s child accusing them of replacing their mom (Suho, Baekhyun, Xiumin, DO, Kai)

Finding out they’re supposed to be the next victims of their serial killer partner (Kris, Chen, Lay)

Being insecure about their relationship because their partner already has a kid (Luhan, Chanyeol, Tao, Sehun)

A jealous fan tries to hurt his family

Finding out their partner is a demigod (fictional)

Their partner doesn’t eat much and won’t take vitamins

Their partner being in a mafia family but they cut all the ties to the mafia

His dom partner punishes him for worrying about them

his partner has ADHD (slice of life)

Being friends with benefits but realizing they love you

Ageplay (part 2)- when he’s the child in the relationship (role switch)

his partner trains with the abusive ballet instructor again (sad/triggering)

being rewarded by their dom after the figging punishment (smut/sexual)

When you stop eating after they finish eating bc you eat slowly

Discovering their partner is a virgin after having sex with them for the first time (smut/sexual)

Going w/ their religious partner to a confession

Making their partner feel good for their first time (smut/sexual)

Being punished for laughing about their Dom’s status (smut/sexual)

Their shy partner gets jealous of a hot waitress

Finding out they have speeding tickets

you’re pretty but don’t believe it (slice of life+drama/family)

Their teenage daughter gets pregnant (drama/family)

Their partner is addicted to a legal drug but it’s harmful

Catching their partner smoking weed at a party

30 Trying to feed you because you have an eating disorder (sad/triggering)

Their partner is afraid of injections and has to get vaccinated  

Learning that their partner is pregnant with 4 kids instead of 1  

When another member breaks up  

Their partner gets bitten and is dying (zombie au)  

Having “sexy time” with their partner and their parents/ other members catch them

What type of fathers they’d be      (family)

seeing you dancing and singing sensuously to “sexy, naughty, bitchy”  

wanting to be comforted when they’re upset  

Hearing their partner puking in the bathroom, finding out they have an eating disorder  (sad/triggering)

Their partner speaks english and spanish but is trying to learn korean/mandarin  

Falling in love with a person with pixie hair  

Their partner serves them breakfast in bed (edited 9/8/17)

seeing their partner dancing to country music  

what sex with exo would be like (smut)

45 Finding out Luhan kidnapped Xiumin  

Having to give up “sexy time” because their partner’s dog tries attacking them  

They want to do stuff but you don’t get it (smut-ish)

when their bed breaks after a long night with their partner (smut)

their daughter wants to do their hair and makeup for a performance

Exo their long-time gf (sexualy active) wants them to take their tshirt off to sleep  

you dress up for them and you’re that kind of person who doesn’t care about their appearance

you are partner (Polish) and you unconsciously start talking in your mother language  (this is linked it just doesn’t look like it is)

coming home and finding their partner watching hsm and singing along  

their idol partner can sing on Inkigayo and you hit INCREDIBLY high notes  

If they’re in Hello Baby  

their partner comes to them and want to hug them without a reason  

finding out about their partner’s love of aquariums! especially florescent jellyfish  

reaction to chen turning into a kitten  

seeing their partner coming home completely wet from head to toe and pissed  

coming home to find their partner eating ice cream & crying bc of a movie but they continuously ignore them because the movie is too good  61

Exo: reaction to kai’s  short lived Instagram  

when Sehun meets a girl not willing to deal with his sassiness  

their crush, a trainee, nailing the high notes and also dances perfectly to their songs  

finding out their partner turned into a vampire  

coming home to see you and DO planning world domination  

when you catch them checking you out (I think this is a repeat….)

finding out you have a naughty ( ;) ) piercing  

seeing their model gf walk the catwalk for a Victoria Secrets Showcase  

finding out you have a really sensitive part of you neck like Lay does  

reacting to Lay watching My Little Pony  

their partner gets scolded by their dance teacher because they’re not learning the dance quick enough 72

when their their partner does a lingerie cf  

seeing a girl with short (boyish) hair  

your mom doesn’t approve of the relationship  

finding out that their partner smokes  

they catch their partner drinking even though they know they had an alcohol addiction  

their b/gf comes home late really drunk because you two had a huge fight.  

their cousin undresses their b/gf in his mind  

their partner puts their hand down their pants after their cousin flirts with them and yells “it’s in my every night” in front of their entire family  80

EXO page 3

(Yandere) types of yandere/ soft-sadistic mtl *not a reaction*

their s/o keeps loosing at strip poker and is almost naked  

Their partner helps them while they’re pregnant (Luhan) (Baekhyun) (needs yuta & Ten)

getting attention from other companies after their partner’s fame skyrockets (Suho) (Sehun) (Chanyeol) (Chen) 59-62

Reacting to you sucking their bottom lip (all members) (linked but doesn’t look like it)

Finding out that their partner was a serial heartbreaker and player in the past (Lay, Chanyeol, kai, Sehun)

reaction when their kid comes out of the closet  

you suddenly brushing them on their ‘thang’ when they spill a drink on you and you try to clean it up  

seeing their partner performing in a HUGE award show with a broken foot  

having a dream of their partner getting kidnapped   (edited 9/9/17)

becoming jealous after seeing you hug a close guy friend from school  

Kyungsoo and Ariana  (kyungachu[.]tumblr[.]com) having a cute fluffy relationship  

50 when you fangirl(boy) over G Dragon to them  

falling in love with someone older than them  

they’re students in your class and they fall in love with you  

they change their hairstyle and want compliments but you don’t notice  

they wake up to find you asleep at your desk because you’ve been studying for an exam  

you both watch You’re beautiful and you start crying when a sad scene comes on  

reacting to Luhan singing “do you want to build a Minseok”    

hearing you fangirl(boy)ing over Shinee’s “Your Number” when they come home    

their partner has a crush on One Direction  

their partner sends them nudes  

realizing their jewelry was stolen after shaking hands with someone  

Their crush asks them out  

buying tampon for their sick partner  

their ‘partner’ has a panic attack  

getting lost in a foreign country and they don’t know the language  

finding you sleeping with the teddy bear they got you for when they’re touring  

their partner is sassy & cries after yelling at them during their pregnancy  

A sex scenes come on and you tell him you want to try it    

32 you mumble in your sleep for Kai to stop eating Suho’s cat and buy him another one  

finding out that their partner watches hentai  

their bestfriend starts having feelings for them but they don’t feel the same way  

their partner is rushed to the hospital/has to have surgery  

finding out their friend is having financial trouble & is starving but they didn’t want to tell them  

catching their partner reading yaoi  

when their ex is harassing their partner  

their reaction after sex with you for the first time  

being partnered with their crush to do the Thinking out Loud dance together  

when another member drunkenly kisses their partner  

when their partner is afraid of thunder  

an incident happens when their partner sits on their lap  

they accidentally hurt their partner during sex  

Their partner runs away after telling them they love them  

falling in love with an android/robot  

falling in love with the “girl of Ipanema” at the beach  

16 what they would do for their partner on valentines day  

their partner kisses them then runs away  

you tell them that you’re afraid (or don’t want) to have kids  

trying to have alone time with their partner but their band members keep following them  

when you drink a lot because of depression from having a miscarriage  

when you shave all of they hair off while they’re asleep  

hearing their crush’s new song about them “bug a Boo”  

finding out you’re protective and get jealous easily  

you already have a partner but you’re cheating on them with an exo member  

asking you to marry them    

they tell you they’ve been in love with you for a long time  

they find out you can sing Growl in korean  

when you tell them you’re breaking up with them but it’s a test to see how they’d react  

having their first big fight as a couple but neither of you want to apologize first  

when they think you’re in love and will leave them for someone else  

their partner tells them that they actually aren’t pregnant  

EXO unlinked/unpaged (in archive Jan-Feb 2015)

39. exo: They find out that you like them

38. exo: they saw you catch them masturbating

37. exo: you tell them you’re pregnant after ‘sexy time’ (you’re married)

36. exo: nervous about messing up on recording with their favorite senior idol

35. exo: you try to comfort them because they can’t stop crying after winning an award

34. exo: they flirt with someone to make you jealous but you don’t notice

33. exo: your parents don’t like them

32. Exo: their boy/girlfriend is an evil villain in a movie

31. exo: they win the Best Couple Award for their drama with you

30. exo: their child(ren) can take better selfies than them

29. exo: they broke up but see you with someone else and wants you back (jan. 31 2015)

28. exo: you leave hickeys on their neck and shoulder

27. exo: they’re your boyfriend and they see you checking someone else out

26. exo react: they find out you’re taller than them

25. exo:you’ve had sex before but they’re still virgins so they feel awkward

24. exo: they receive sexy underwear from their boy/girlfriend and the band teases them

23. exo: their Brazilian girlfriend dances samba on international TV

22. exo: seeing their crush being rejected by a guy/girl

21. exo: they’re your teacher and they’re in love with you

20. exo: before/after their wedding ceremony

19. exo: a member walks in on them making out with you in the dorm

18. exo: their crushing asking to paint them naked

17. Exo: having wet dreams about their boy/girlfriend so they feel awkward

16. exo: their crush kissing them to stop them from rambling about their love for them

15. exo: you tease them for liking hyoyeon (snsd)

14. Exo: has a secret crush on you but they’re are drunk

13. Exo: their boy/girlfriend kisses them for the first time

12. exo: their boy/girlfriend has a month to live (they have children)

11. exo cheat on their boy/friend

10. Exo: you ask for a lap dance

9. exo: you call them your ex’s name

8. exo: when you broke up but see you with your new boy/girlfriend

7. Exo: meeting their favorite idol for the first time

6. exo: their boy/girlfriend joins “we got married” with someone else

5. exo reacts:seeing the model/actor/actress they’ll work with

4. exo reacts: someone flirting with their boy/girlfriend

3. exo reacts to their boy/girlfriend wanting to “do it”

2. exo finds a dog/cat and wants to keep it

1. exo meets you for the first time (jan. 18 2015)

#masterlist #masterlist attempt #mobile masterlist

[darkarfs]

the worst movie tie-ins in the history of wrestling

Wrestling is stupid, and will show its ass at the mere mention of cross-promotion, especially when it comes to movies, which is it's cooler older brother that can get away with a lot more. Hell, the 2nd ever SummerSlam's main event, in 1989, was Hulk Hogan facing the main villain, Tiny Lister as Zeus (RIP), from the film they were both in, No Holds Barred. So wrestling's always wanted a piece of that. So... - Army of the Dead Let's just get this one out of the way. Here's the thing; I thought the WrestleMania Backlash's card was fucking perfect...except for this weird business. WMB MIGHT've been the best show of the pandemic (hot take) were it not for making sure we sell Big Dave's big zombie heist movie. If they had just kept some of the guys in zombie makeup on the Thunderdome's webcam footage, that would have been borderline charming. But instead, the Miz (who was WWE champion 3 months ago, don't forget) and Damien Priest (who they're making WWE's pop-culture liaison so far on the main roster, for some reason) had to sell for zombies in a lumberjack match. If this was the first ever wrestling show you watched with a loved one who had never watched wrestling or hadn't since like, the end of the Attitude Era, would you for a second want them to stick around after Miz and Morrison get, for all intents and purposes, kayfabe killed and eaten, and then watch Damien Priest shoot the logo at the ceiling? My money's on "no." - Shaft Speaking of the Attitude Era, anytime someone tells you that wrestling was cooler in that 3-year time frame, point them to the June 15th of 2000 episode of SmackDown, where a storyline that ran throughout the show followed Patterson and Briscoe through New York City to find Crash Holly and his Hardcore Title. Now, I admit parts of this are kinda funny, like Briscoe just wanting to give up and find a "gen-yoo-WINE New York hot dawg!" That's fun! And who does Crash Holly run into but none other than Shaft, and his woman, the only one who understands this complicated man, John Shaft. So, we have real Samuel L. Jackson, playing fake John Shaft, talking to real/fictional Crash Holly, and man is it weird. Anyway, Shaft agrees to be Crash's bodyguard for the night, and he slaps around Patterson and Briscoe in a nightclub. After all, what better way to get across how cool and badass a character is than having him knock around the fucking Stooges? - The Wrestler Well, this is complicated. The Wrestler, starring ancient wooden lion Mickey Rourke, is a somber tale about an industry that, in its heyday, left people physically spent, washed-up and addicted to adrenaline at best, and dead at worst. It famously moved Roddy Piper to tears because he recognized what destruction and brokenness the industry once left in its wake. Which is why it's super-weird that WWE jumped at the chance to promote maybe the bleakest possible look at their world in 2009, and did so by having Chris Jericho smack the shit out of three old wrestlers at WrestleMania 25, including Roddy Piper. And then have Rourke jump into the ring, wearing his "do you want to take peyote in the desert?" starter kit and bring out his amateur boxing chops. Tonally, it's just really bleak. Like if the creator of Super Size Me screened the premiere at the world's biggest McDonald's. - Bride of Chucky Poor Rick Steiner. You didn't deserve this. You're the sane Steiner. They shouldn't have made you talk to the puppet. So, WCW was heading into Halloween Havoc 1998, and after years of stomping all over the WWF in the ratings, the wheels had come off, and dramatically. Like, all at once. Like the car in the Blues Brothers. To boost PPV buys, they spent a fortune bringing in the Ultimate Warrior to rekindle a feud with Hulk Hogan, mostly by hiding in his fucking mirror. And the Steiner Brothers, one of the best teams of the early 90s, had been feuding with one another since Scott turned on his at SuperBrawl. What was the best way to build hype around this match at Halloween Havoc? Why, to have Rick get into a war of words - and lose - to Chucky. Yes.

Serial killer doll voiced by Brad Dourif, and it's so sad. Chucky cusses Rick out while Rick challenges the fucking doll to a fight, which is promptly ignored (Chucky's video segment is pre-recorded, and you can tell because he starts talking about 3 times in 3 minutes while Rick's mid-promo and missing his cues to stop) and then is made fun of. And all the while, people were probably wondering "what's going on on Vince's show?" and the answer is...that was the episode of Raw where Austin fills Vince's Corvette with cement, which is slightly more badass than being teased by a puppet. - The Goods Here's the thing: Raw is, right now, a bad show. It is bad TV. It's been bad for a while now. And as bad as it is right now, it's still not as fuck-awful as it was in 2009, aka the Age of the Guest Hosts (which, in kayfabe, was given to us by Donald J. Trump, so blame that ambulatory Nazi scrotum for one more thing, he's certainly earned it). For those of you fortunate enough to not be watching what was objectively unwatchable at the time - and hell, I sure as shit wasn't checking in very often - from mid-2009 to around mid-2010, a celebrity would be the special guest host of Monday Night Raw, often to promote a TV show or movie, and it was nearly all horribly-written, cheesy wank. Imagine if every week was the week of the zombie attack at Backlash. That's what it was like. Bob Barker was funny. The Muppets were good. And THAT'S the end of the list. MacGruber coming out to blow up R-Truth made me want to fall on a knife. The A-Team coming out to beat up Virgil was fucking awful. Go straight to fucking HELL, the Three Stooges, Dennis Miller, the reverend Al Sharpton, the 2010 Pittsburgh Steelers, Don Johnson and Jon Heder, the poor entire cast of Hot Tub Time Machine...and then there's Piven. Jeremy Piven. He showed up with Ken Jeong to promote a movie no one remembers...called the Goods. He stunk up several segments, infamously called SummerSlam "the Summer Fest" and then got roughed up by John Cena. Wrestling's the worst. Stop watching. And many did. For a looooooong time. - Robocop 2 This one's infamous, so I'll keep it brief. Robocop 2 came out in 1990, and goddamn, I don't know how much money the producers threw at WCW, but it was enough for them to rebrand an entire PPV "Capitol Combat: the Return of Robocop" and marketed the entire thing around the fancy metallic gentleman. The branding really made it seem like Robert Cop was old friends with the promotion, and indeed, old friends with Sting. Makes sense; two big, heroic idiots running on BASIC. He had been feuding with the Four Horsemen, who locked him in a cage at ringside. Out comes Robocop, called completely straight by Jim Ross, who rips the cage door off his hinges, and then leaves. An accumulated 85 seconds of screen time. Totally worth being the centerpiece of this PPV! But a little context as to why WCW fans hated it so much: 1989, the year before, was regarded by WCW fans as one of the best in company history. The era that gave us stuff like Chi-Town Rumble and the still-very-much-lauded peak of the Steamboat/Flair feud. To go from that to Robocop was seen as a bit of a slap in the face, because WCW was always seen as the more traditional "wrasslin'" company and was never into cheesy pop-culture crossovers, which is why the last one...is all the funnier.

- Ready To Rumble First of all, those dumbasses at Turner had to give Michael Buffer - who they still had on retainer - around $350,000 just to use that title, because he owns the trademark to that phrase. Strike 127 million, capitalism, that a guy gets to own a phrase and gets paid an obscene amount when he or anyone else uses it. Secondly, I initially wasn't going to do movies where the promotion itself is producing the movie, or oh holy HELL would See No Evil and the infamous May 19 shit be on here. But unlike See No Evil, this had a hand in killing a decades-old wrestling promotion, so it feels weird to not include it. On April 7th, 2000, bad movie Ready To Rumble was released, a film about two hapless dorks trying to help Oilver Platt, aka the lawyer from the West Wing, become WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Two weeks later, to promote the movie, they made David Arquette, the lead actor in the movie, the WCW World Heavyweight Champion. He pinned Eric Bischoff, who wasn't the champion, of course, in a match where he was teamed with Diamond Dallas Page, his best pal and the company's top babyface at the time, but who is also one of the villains in the film to make it extra confusing for the mainstream casual audience the movie was made to attract. And, to be fair, Arquette didn't want to do it, NO ONE really wanted to do it, and it tanked viewership for WCW once and for all. At the very least, David took his payday from the wrestling appearances and the film and gave it to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and to Darren Drozdov, who had been paralyzed from the neck down in a wrestling match the previous year.

[oisinwrites]

A Sizzling Simpsons Summer - A Summer-themed Simpsons fan-fiction

(PS. I recommend seeing the film “enter the dragon” starring Bruce Lee to get the reference in this fan-fic, it is available on Netflix.)

It was a beautiful summer’s day in Springfield. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Ms. Hoover was going over with her class some last-minute revision on geography before the end-of-school bell. “Ms. Hoover?” asked Ralph,“Is Mr. Dwayne Johnson an igneous, a sedimentary, or a basalt?”. “For the last time, Ralph,” said Ms. Hoover, “Mr. Dwayne Johnson is not really a rock. have you any other questions?”.Ralph lowered his hand, then raised it again. “So... Mr. John Cena is a sedimentary?” asked Ralph. Ms. Hoover sighed. She wished that for once she could teach geography without the class being distracted by wrestling. She regretted explaining erosion by calling it a "great undertaker". The sand at the beach was really the rock which had been eroded away by the “great undertaker” which is natural weathering, but that had nothing to do with whether the rock or the undertaker would win in the WWE and she didn’t care which wrestler was the “mighty tsunami” or the “raging hurricane”.Neither did the arctic or the tundra have anything to do with "stone cold" Steve Austin.  

Ralph was seated next to a window which had been left open to let in the breeze and, when Ms. Hoovers back was turned, an actual rock came in from the window and hit Ralph. “Wah, Dwayne Johnson hit me!”, sniffled Ralph.  “Goodness gracious!” gasped Ms. Hoover, “Surely Dwayne Johnson wouldn’t hit a child!”.  She then turned around and saw the actual rock lying at Ralph’s feet. She also saw Nelson, the school bully, leaning in through the window and pointing at Ralph. “Haw-Haw!” jeered Nelson, “You got kissed by Dwayne Johnson! You’re gay for Time magazines sexiest man alive who was in baywatch!”.  Nelson was on punishment and was meant to be assisting Groundskeeper Willy, but kept finding ways to distract himself and make mischief. “Yah wee runt!” came the Groundskeeper’s shrill Scottish accent. ”Ah’ll challenge ye to a wrestlin’ match o’ me own, and ye’ll be pebble-dashed!”.  But the crafty Nelson was so well-prepared that he was able to Quickly defeat willy without even getting his hands in and wrestling at all; He simply pulled a rope hanging from a tree which released a bee-hive, landing on Willy.   The flamboyant Martin pranced  up from his desk, picked up the literal rock and correctly identified it as igneous. He then went on to say that although this “noble child of the earth” deserves a place on the nature table, it is nothing compared to the great Rock himself.  The cynical Lisa told Martin that all that WWE stuff was “choreographed” and “lame”, but the ancient Japanese art of sumo wrestling was more “cultured” and “authentic”.  Good grief, thought Ms. Hoover, even the very clever kids in the class were obsessed with wrestling.  Being obsessed with how fake wrestling is was still an obsession with wrestling and sumo was just another form of wrestling to be obsessed with. This little girl was not only obsessed with wrestling but also with japan. well, at least that is a country. 

  Ms. Hoover then heard the sound that made her wonder how much time had been wasted, the end-of-school bell. No hurricane, no tsunami, no geographical force of any kind could compare with the torrent of happy children bursting out of the classrooms and all through the corridors which even Hulk Hogan would be overwhelmed by while exhausted teachers wondered if their pupils had learned nothing from all those fire-drills. The teachers in Springfield elementary also looked forward to summer break, but not for quite the same reasons as the kids.

  All around Springfield, lots of happy children were running merrily home, to find out from their parents what the plans for summer break were going to be. Rod and Todd were delighted to hear from Mr. Flanders that they were going to Bible Camp, but it wasn’t simply called “Bible Camp”. It was “Baaaiiibuhl Caymp”, and it was always spelled that way on every sign. It was also known affectionately as “camp gospel” or “the camp o’Jesus” As Ned drove his two sons on the long road-trip, passing many signs saying “You are now *this distance* from Baaaiiibuhl Caymp”.   “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!”, went the boys, whose favourite game was usually the Sit-Still-and-Be-Quiet game, but they simply couldn’t contain themselves when it came to the camp O’Jesus! Ned reminded his two sons about parts of the bible where patience was mentioned. At last, they reached the archway entrance which read “Baaaiiibuhl Caymp”across it. “Here we are boys” announced Mr. Flanders.  “Yaaaaaayyy!” cheered the brothers, as they raised their fists in cheer, all the way out the car-windows.

  Meanwhile, next door to the Flanders’ house, the Simpson’s were getting ready for the beach, but Homer was having a recent falling-out with an old friend he thought he had been getting on well with: the mirror. Now that the mirror was seeing Homer in his swim-suit, the mirror didn’t have anything nice to say about how his swim-suit suited him.  “Pssst... I don’t think the mirror likes me, it’s not being very flattering!”, he whispered loudly to Marge, leaning so closely to her that the hand he was whispering through was almost touching her ear.The mirror told Homer that he was fat, ugly, middle-aged and bald.  “Oh, why does the mirror hate me?” moaned homer, “What did I ever do to you?!” he wailed.   “WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?” he screamed, pounding the mirror with his fists. “Hmmm, be careful, Homer" cautioned Marge, “That’s a fragile mirror”.  with his eyes closed, Homer didn’t notice that with each pound the mirror was developing more and more small cracks, which were inter-lacing and forming bigger cracks. eventually, he had done it. Homer had broken the mirror. Overcome with grief and remorse, homer fell on his knees and wept. “What have I done, “ he cried, ”WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”

  he then skipped and hopped his way into the bathroom, grabbed the box of band-aids and ran back to the broken mirror. He was now figuring out how to fit the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle and using band-aids to stick them together. When he was finished this, he examined his hands which were cut and bleeding from the glass he’d been handling, and said “Now for some plasters... DOH!”.  It had just dawned on him that he had used up the plasters whilst fixing the mirror, so he ran into the bathroom again and covered his hands in toilet-roll.  “DOH!” he grimaced again, when Marge pointed out that the mirror was now useless, as it was very difficult to see anything in a mirror that was covered in band-aids.

  All in one big hurry, Homer kissed Marge goodbye, put the broken mirror in the trunk of his car, and drove off.  Homer stopped at the middle of a little bridge which ran over a dirty river which had lots of rubbish floating in it and was being sadly observed by two native Americans standing by the riverbank. He looked around to make sure no-one was seeing him and, thinking there was no-one there, dumped the broken mirror overboard with a big splash before getting back in the car. "boy, it sure is hard to drive with your hands wrapped in toilet-roll!” remarked Homer as he drove hap-hazardly around town, causing some panic, but just about managing not to crash the car. He was still convinced that no-one had seen him down at the bridge, but he hadn’t seen the two Native Americans who were now crying on each others shoulders.

Back at Baaaiiibuhl Caymp, one of the camp leaders was preaching to the kids that sex, drugs and rock music were bad.  “When you’re old enough to do it, don’t do it!” she said. rod and Todd shocked the very religious children they were grouped with  when Todd stood up, pointed  and said “Yeah right, its clear from your eyes what you’ve been doing last night!” and Rod chimed in with “yeah, we may be just kids, but we're not stupid!”. their group all turned around at them and gasped. here at the camp o’jesus, no-on spoke to a camp leader this way, or said the word “stupid”. Her boyfriend came over, who was an equally woozy and bloodshot-eyed camp leader, and said “Yeah kids, when you’re old enough to do it, don’t do it, now its time for a wholesome camping song with Christian themes that’re better than rock music!”. After this shocking moment, commotion spread like wildfire among the religious Christian community and the parents of children attending Baaaiiibuhl Caymp were getting very shocking phone calls.

  Meanwhile, the Simpsons were looking for a new mirror and paying a visit to the grand mirror emporium at the Springfield mall.  They were amazed by how many shapes and sizes of mirrors there were, and how many times they could see themselves reflected with mirror in mirror in mirror.  Bart stopped by one mirror and made such a hideous expression which was reflected so many times that an extremely posh lady fainted with shock.  A suspicious-looking Chinese man with shifty eyes hid himself among the mirrors and said “haw-haw, he’ll never find me here!”.  Another Chinese man, topless, bushy-haired and wielding a nunchaku, came in and said, “Ah-hah! The enemy uses mirror images to hide their true intentions, the key is to destroy the mirror images!”. he began kicking, punching and swinging his nunchaku, striking each mirror in quick succession. He was soon caught by the security for breaking all the mirrors, and as they strong-armed him out of the store, he screamed “You don’t understand, that man is a super-villain!”.

“These mirrors are still not being very nice” complained Homer.  “For goodness’ sake, you’re just self-conscious because you need to lose some weight,” truth-bombed Marge. “But Marge, nothing motivates me!” moaned Homer.  Just then, an ad came on a TV-screen, where McBain appeared and said “Wat does your mirror image say abaht you? Are you ready to get into MCSHAPE!?”.  “Hi, I’m Troy McClure,” began  Troy McClure, “ You may remember me from such rude interruptions where I popped in uninvited as...”. “Hey, dis is mah commercial!” yelled McBain, as he picked up Troy with one hand and hurled him off the screen.  He then began demonstrating the convertible, multi-purpose, high-tech MCSHAPE fitness machine.  “Hmmn, this must be good product if its endorsed by an action movie star,” mused Homer.  “Look, its in the shop just opposite this one” said Marge.  “Oh, I have to walk” moaned Homer, even though he had been walking around the mall all this time, but as the ad ended with McBain saying “You can also buy my new book, the MCSHAPE diet and fitness regime” Homer felt a new wave of motivation. “Yes I can!”, he cried and as he stood upright with his hands on his hips, his butt-crack was reflected so many times that the same posh lady who had just recovered from Bart’s Girning was now fainting again.

  The Simpsons went home with a new mirror, the MCSHAPE fitness machine and McBains new book. they were still blissfully unaware that a super-villain had escaped under their very noses. Homer did get into great shape and got lots of compliments, especially from Apu at the kwik-e-mart.  At the beach, Homer made new friends who he played volleyball with, and was now strong enough to use the kids as volleyballs, but Marge tried to tell him politely that they didn’t like being hurled in this way

  At home in the Flanders’ house, Ned didn’t believe what he was being told on the phone.  He kept insisting that Rod and Todd are such good little boys.  Surely they wouldn’t make such speculations, or say the word “Stupid”.  While Maude writhed in horror, saying over and over again “Someone please think of the children!”, Ned slammed the phone down and turned on TV.  Ned and Maude thought a bit of the Christian channel would help them forget the ordeal, but its regular programming was interrupted by Kent Brockman reporting from the scene of Baaaiiibuhl Caymp with breaking news about the sex scandal. They were shocked to see the pictures and hear the names of Christian Christenson and Angelina Engel, as they knew them to be camp leaders, and thought they were more godly people. Kent asked Reverend Lovejoy for his comment, but the surprisingly un-religious priest made comments like “Oh who cares?” and “Did I drive all the way here for this?” without actually commenting on the situation.  

  visibly frustrated by the lack of responsiveness, Kent let out a deep sigh in front of all his viewers and switched his attention to Chief Wiggum who said, ”erm... it’s not technically a crime, but it’s a very major scandal, which is why we, the Springfield Police, are here.”  While Homer was working out in his front yard, Ned leaned over the fence and cried “Homer, the un-thingly-inkable has happened!”.  “What is it?” said Homer, pausing his crunches. “By the way, you’ve gotten in darn-doodly great shapily-ape!” complimented Ned, “But there’s a more pressing matter, um, I don’t know how to say this but,” he dropped to a whisper, “Its a sex scandal in Baaaiiibuhl Caymp!”.  “Are you planning to drive down there and see what’s going on?” asked Homer.  “Pretty much what I was going to doodly-do,” said Ned, “but I wanted to know if you’re willing to come with me?  You see, it would be good of you, but I can’t make you”.  “Hmm... I’ve never been very religious or believed in Jeebus,” considered Homer, “but maybe, just this once, I’ll go with stupid Flanders”.

  Ned thanked Homer as they hopped in Ned’s car and began a long drive, eventually reaching Baaaiiibuhl Caymp. As it was dusk, Ned led the way with a flashlight and they were accompanied by the Springfield Police.  Their search led them to a tent pitched separately from the others.  As Ned’s flashlight and the police searchlights shone through the tent, two shadowed figures could be seen embracing each other.  Homer got down and lifted the tent from the bottom up. As the tent-pegs became undone, Homer flipped the tent from one side to the other, revealing the two camp leaders under one big duvet. “So it’s true!” gasped Ned “And wow Homer, you’re as strong as Samson!”.  “No, I’m Simpson” said Homer. “Nevermind” sighed Ned.  “Hey, my private life is private!” said Angelina Engel. “Yeah, bugger off!” said Christian Christenson.  “You both need to go look in a mirror” chastised Homer, “Even by my standards, you’re heretics!”.  Without anyone knowing what he was doing there, Nelson came out from behind a bush, pointed at the two sinners and laughed “Haw-haw!”.  He wasn’t even in camp gospel.

  The next day, Kent Brockman reported the sex scandal being resolved thanks to Homer’s great strength, and these two camp leaders were now banished in disgrace from Baaaiiibuhl Caymp.  Ned and Maude were greatly relieved watching the news report.  “Well I’m darn-doodly glad to see them cast out of Eden” said Ned.  

  As the Simpsons saw the same news report, Bart said “What’s the big deal? They’re just pitching a tent!”.  "Bart, watch your language!” snapped Marge. “Bart, nothing’s really a big deal” said Homer, “It’s all just a buncha-stuff that happened, that’s all life is”.  “Homer, isn’t it significant to you that you finally got in shape?” asked Marge.  “Well, except for how sexy I've just noticed myself becoming recently” said Homer,staring down his biceps.  “The mirror and I are in agreement that my sexiness is a very big deal!”.     Both the Simpsons and the Flanders’s were looking forward to more of a great summer. The sex scandal in Baaaiiibuhl Caymp was resolved, the Simpsons were enjoying the beach life and homer had gotten in shape, but we all know he’s just going to go back to being a couch potato in the next episode, as if nothing had ever happened.

#the simpsons #simpsons fanfic #dogdaysofsummer #beach bod #summer camp #bible camp #volleyball #workout #mirror image