#It's the slowest night of the week with the least amount to do

[satansapostle6]

folie à deux

Sometimes poison is sweet.

Selina Romanov and Draco Malfoy met when they were only eleven years old. The two of them have always shared an intense bond, always having gravitated towards one another. But the question still remains, as the years pass by, is their connection one of passion, or delusion?

Warnings: Contains Mature Themes/Language, Themes Such As Sexual Content, Violence, Abuse, Sexual Assault, Eating Disorders

Six.

The third letter that Jasper Carroll had written to Selina was lying on the desk in Draco's room, half read as she chased him around outside. They were running around together in the snow, taking turns chasing one another wildly, with no plans or specific intentions. They were playing freely like children again, laughing hysterically as Narcissa Malfoy watched them wistfully from inside. It had been a fairly pleasant visit at Malfoy Manor for Selina the past few days. She had spent all of her time being childish with Draco and enjoying the holidays, remembering to write to all of her friends occasionally. She'd exchanged a few letters with Jasper and Amana, updating each other on their lives over the vacation. 

Dear Selina,

Glad to hear things are better. It must get awkward, staying with the Malfoys for an extended period of time. I get antsy spending a small amount of time with the one Malfoy I know.  I think you'll be happy to know, my dad's only been as much of an arsehole as he normally is. He's just been getting drunk and singing Christmas carols by the fire after work. Mum says he's always gotten weird around the holidays since his mum died. I reckon she's right. Sometimes, in the dead of night, he sneaks downstairs to talk to her picture. Other nights, he sneaks downstairs to eat sausage. Dads are weird. I'm guessing you understand what I mean, although in a bit of a different way. My brother Jamie didn't come home for Christmas, so my mum and my brother Jordan have been a bit touchy the past week or so. It almost feels like they've forgotten I'm here. I kind of can't wait to go back to school. It's nice to be home for the holidays and not have to do much, but I miss being around friends. Let me know how things are going. Don't take too long— I might assume Malfoy's finally managed to wear you down. 

Your Friend, 

Jasper

Selina had laughed to herself when she received Jasper's letter, also appreciating his friendly thoughtfulness. She felt sorry for him feeling strange in his own home, knowing exactly what that felt like. She watched Draco as then ran around in the snow together, trying to see if she could detect any hint of that same sadness in him. For now, at least, he seemed placated. Nothing made him angry, or upset him too much since his fight with his father. Things seemed to have gotten better in the past few days, with Lucius Malfoy's behavior toward his son seeming more paternal and considerate, at least for Lucius Malfoy. But, the convenient thing about spending their time outside was that Selina and Draco didn't have to worry about anything to do with his parents, or anything like that. Selina and Draco spent hours just running around his family's property, playing like they were children again. Selina realized she felt more carefree than she ever had before, chasing Draco around on the snowy grass as they cackled with laughter. 

  "I'm coming to get you, Malfoy!" Selina announced as she ran up behind him.  

They were taking turns running after one another, both of them trying to catch the other one. Draco kept turning back to look for Selina, chuckling as he raced ahead, hoping to outmaneuver her. 

  "Come on! You're fucking dead and you know it!" she screamed. 

  "Please! I think I can handle Slytherin's slowest Chaser!" he fired back. 

She ran past one of the trees on the estate, only steps behind him. She could hear his laughter as he panted laboriously, gasping for air as he ran from her. Selina laughed as Draco suddenly tripped over a branch growing off of a root in the ground, falling flat on his back. 

  "Oh!" Draco grunted loudly, heaving a sigh as he reached for his back, trying to soothe the pain.

Selina couldn't move out of the way in time, slipping over his foot as hers got caught in his. She landed hard right on top of him, gasping as she tried to pull herself up off the ground. Selina and Draco laughed at each other's clumsiness as they both gave up on trying to stand, collapsing on each other in a fit of hysterical laughter. Selina was initially afraid she'd hurt Draco somehow by falling on him, but it was evident by his amused laughter that he'd hardly even noticed.

  "Are you okay?!" he questioned nervously.

She had landed right above him, their faces less than a foot apart from one another as she steadied herself on her elbows. It was initially awkward how close they were. Selina was embarrassed, staring at him to try and gauge his reaction as he just stared back, no discernible emotion on his face. His expression was totally blank, as if he'd forgotten what he was doing altogether. 

  "Yeah... Yeah, I'm alright," she promised him, both of them afraid to move. "Are you okay?"

  "I'm fine," he stated awkwardly, still lying beneath her as he lightly held onto her waist, mortified, but still trying to make sure she didn't injure herself. 

She hadn't noticed it before, but out in the cold, Draco's pale skin had a slight pink flush to it. Although he wore multiple layers and a hat to keep him warm, his face was still exposed, leaving his cheeks and nose slightly flushed pink. This ultimately was worsened by the embarrassment he was currently feeling. Selina was horribly aware that this was the closest she and Draco had ever been to one another. Their noses might as well have been touching at this point. She could see him up close, in a way that she hardly ever looked at anyone. She felt like could see everything, from the little strands of hair that framed his face, to the beautiful pattern of different hues in his blue eyes, to the softness of his lips. Selina of course knew exactly what Draco looked like, and could recognize when something was different, but she'd never actually looked at each individual piece of his face. It occurred to her that the exact combination of different features that were the make-up of his face were so much more complex than she'd ever stopped to think about. The longer she studied him, the more she realized that Draco Malfoy really was more than the sum of his parts, both physically and otherwise. 

  "I'm just gonna..."

  "...Right," Draco nodded slowly, watching her as she rolled off of him to the side, grunting as she managed to get up. 

He followed suit, brushing all of the snow off of him as he stood. Both of them seemed shell shocked, as if they couldn't figure out how to proceed from there. Uncomfortable with the silence, Draco rubbed his stomach as he complained, exaggerating about the pain of falling. 

  "Ow, you crushed my lungs!" he whined.

  "Sorry," Selina muttered insincerely in response, "You're the one who tripped me," she argued.

  "Let's just go inside," he murmured, still embarrassed. 

  "Why, because you lost?" Selina said in a cocky manner. 

  "Shut up," he hissed, waiting for her to walk ahead of him.

He knelt down, balling up a decent amount of snow with his gloved hands. After crafting a decent snowball, he pulled his arm back, getting a good aim at her before throwing it. The second she felt the snow hit her back, Selina froze in her tracks, a wide-eyed smile of disbelief spreading across her face. She turned around to see a grinning Draco standing in the middle of the snowy clearing. The smile on his face was silky and childish in nature, a smile that she knew meant everything was fine, at least in that moment. 

  "Fine, that's how you wanna play?" Selina decided. "Then, that's how we'll play." 

She bent down to quickly make as many snowballs as she could with the utmost determination, silently enchanting them with her wand. The snowballs floated in the air, quickly becoming projectile as they followed Draco until they were able to be hurled into him. 

  "Hey! No magic! That's cheating!" he exclaimed.

  "Says who?" she called, creating and enchanting more snowballs than Draco ever could have dodged. 

She laughed loudly and heartily as she watched him stumbling about in the snow, failing to dodge all of the snowballs that were specifically enchanted to follow him. 

  "I hate you!" he screamed at her. 

  "Love you too!" she teased as she watched, more than satisfied with herself. 

The way they'd spent the better part of that entire day playing around out in the snow like little children was healing and freeing for them both. After a few solid minutes of Draco begging her to, Selina slowly morphed into her raven form, towering above him as a big black bird as he watched her, trying to be quick enough to grab her out of the air. Needless to say, he wasn't. He'd laughed giddily, running around the grounds of the manor as he chased after Selina in her Animagus form. 

  "No fair!" he whined, looking up above as she flew at least three feet above his head, taunting him. 

She squawked mockingly as she flew in frantic circles around him, wrapping around his head in laps over and over again hoping to make him dizzy. They went back inside together, getting out of the cold before it started to get dark. They dusted all of the snow off of themselves before entering Draco's family manor, laughing the whole time. It was time for dinner, and yet Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were nowhere to be found. Draco and Selina exchanged confused looks as they searched the living rooms, dining room, and kitchen, unable to find either of them. Draco had even resorted to asking the cook if he'd seen his mother, but even he had no idea where Mrs. Malfoy was. Draco and Selina headed up the stairs, trying to find his parents before dinner, which was about to be served. Not finding them in Lucius's study, they decided to look for them in their bedroom, the both of them stopping right in front of the door as they heard hushed voices yelling at one another. 

  "Do you honestly believe that?!"

Selina could hear Lucius yelling over Narcissa, who was certainly more quiet. She looked over at Draco, who seemed once again frozen as he listened to his parents arguing.

  "Draco," Selina began compassionately, "Maybe we should—"

  "Shhhh!"

She frowned, knowing he had already made up his mind. 

  "Yes, I do!" they heard Narcissa respond. "Draco is a very intelligent boy, and he—!"

  "You coddle him," Lucius remarked with a crass scoff. 

Selina's mouth sat slightly agape as she looked over at Draco, who seemed upset when he realized their marital spat was about him, and definitely not in a positive context.

  "You've denied me just about every request I have when it comes to raising my son, and now he's turned out soft!" Draco's father exclaimed. 

  "He's my son as well," Narcissa's volume increased, "And I will not have him raised—"

  "How?" Lucius asked impatiently. "The way we were raised?"

  "Essentially, yes!" she answered.

  "Why do you insist we live like hypocrites, allowing our son to be coddled and sheltered?" Lucius demanded. 

  "Because, I would rather we be hypocrites than expose our son to the same life that we used to live!" Narcissa Malfoy said firmly. "You can't honestly want your son to live with this...this... dark cloud looming over his head!"

Lucius was silent for a moment, as if knowing he was unable to answer her rhetorical question. 

  "Don't tell me you'd want your son to end up in Azkaban one day!" she went on. "We can't possibly let our son become the kind of wizard who bears that same mark!"

Selina looked at Draco, knowing exactly what their conversation was about. 

  "You mean we can't possibly let our son take after his father!" Lucius boomed. 

  "No! We can't!" Narcissa reminded him. "Thirteen years ago, you barely avoided Azkaban by telling the Ministry that you were acting under the influence of the Imperious Curse, now I highly doubt that that routine is going to work twice, when it just barely worked the first time!"

  "You can't honestly be stupid enough to believe he's actually coming back!" 

  "You can't be stupid enough to believe that he won't find a way, eventually!" she pointed out. "You and I both know, the Dark Lord's return is imminent, and when that day comes, our son needs to be as far away from it as he can get! Lucius, you know that the Dark Lord will return, and if he does, all of us are in danger!"

Selina was highly uncomfortable as she overheard their conversation, knowing that Lord Voldemort's potential return was certainly a serious possibility that could not be ignored. Draco seemed genuinely afraid as he picked up on the many alarming concerns that his mother had. 

  "Do not change the subject, Narcissa!" Lucius snapped furiously. "When our son was born, I wanted him to attend Durmstrang, and you said no, so I allowed it. When I suggested we teach him the spells he really needs to know to defend himself, you said no again. When I suggested we give him a talk about what it is I do for this family, you said no, again! You have never respected my authority in this family, nor have you ever respected the many sacrifices I have  for this family!" 

  "Don't be ridiculous, I am more than appreciative of the sacrifices you've made, but we both have made sacrifices for our son!" Narcissa yelled back at him. "You became a Death Eater, and you supported the Dark Lord's cause. You fought for what our families have believed in for thousands of years, but then, we lost the war, and you had to fight for your son to keep yourself out of Azkaban. It is because I respect what you and I have both done for our son that I will not let a worse fate befall him!"

  "You're just afraid of losing your precious little boy!" Lucius snarled with genuine animosity. "You'd rather he be shielded his whole life than fight in the cause we both believe in."

  "Of course I would rather he be safe!" Narcissa screamed at him. "He is our son before our heir, and I would rather protect him than see him     imprisoned, or God help us, killed!"

  "I see," Lucius replied coldly. "So, no one can even think about laying a finger on our son, but I can risk my life every...single...day, and that's perfectly alright with you, is that it!" 

Narcissa gasped loudly, appalled at her husband's gall. Draco listened intently to their arguing, refusing to let it go as Selina could only stand there and listen with him. 

  "You can't stand even the mere idea our son being in danger for one second, and yet the idea of me dying isn't even a concern?!" Lucius seethed. 

  "Stop asking me ridiculous questions, you're blowing everything entirely out of proportion!"

  "Don't you speak to me as if I'm your subordinate, I am the man of this house! I am, and have always been, the one who provides for this family!" he roared. 

  Narcissa seemed to have no amount of tolerance left for him. "You have also always been the one who constantly jeopardizes the reputation of this family!" 

  "You love your precious son more than you could ever love me, is that it?!" he completely ignored his wife.

  "Yes, of course that's it, you pompous arse!" Narcissa shrieked. "You may be my husband, and I may love you more than you will ever know, but my son is, and will always be, my first priority! That's what having a child is, Lucius, you put them first and you do whatever needs to be done to give them the life they deserve!"

Selina could see Draco crying softly as he listened to his mother. It broke her heart to see him covering his mouth as he cried so that his parents wouldn't hear him through the door. She knew just how much Draco was hurting because of his parents, and she wanted to help even if there wasn't much she could do, but what Lucius Malfoy said next she knew would destroy Draco in a way that couldn't be undone, and he had no idea at all. 

  "I'm sorry, but if that means I have to love my son more than my husband, than so be it," Narcissa said, her voice breaking sadly. "I'm sorry, Lucius, but I will never fail to be a mother to my son! I love you, I do, but ever since I became a mother, you have never been my first thought."

  "Well, then," Lucius said quietly, sounding hurt by what she'd said, "Perhaps we never should have had a son."

Complete silence followed Lucius's final say on the matter, as if they had just both given up on the subject entirely. Selina had no idea what had followed the conclusion of that argument, but she knew that even if Lucius and Narcissa could move past it, Draco couldn't. He cried softly, his hand still covering his mouth. Selina gently laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to help ease the pain. Did felt as if she were watching from afar as his sobs became quieter and further apart, until they quickly faded into nothing. He wiped his face with his sleeve, the emotion slowly disappearing from his face altogether. He turned away from his parents' door, a hopeless, empty look in his eyes as he walked down the hall. 

  "Draco..." Selina said softly. 

He only shook his head, forcibly shutting his eyes for a moment as he tried to hold in the pain he was feeling.

  "I don't care anymore," he said, his tone alluding to the idea that this statement might've had a more broad meaning to it. 

  "Draco, I know what he said to her was awful," Selina began, "But I don't think he meant it—"

  "Doesn't matter..." he shook his head, his tone deceivingly light and airy. "Doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. He can say whatever he likes, he's dead to me."

  "I know how you feel," she offered, trying to be more empathetic than overbearingly sympathetic.

  "He's my father, and I'm the family's heir, but other than that, he doesn't exist to me," Draco announced, a sense of freedom in his tone. "He doesn't want a son? Fine. He doesn't need one."

With that being said, he walked up the stairs to his own bedroom, as Selina watched him, unable to help whatsoever. She tried to speak to him about what had happened, but he refused to talk about it, insisting on acting as if nothing had happened, so she decided to humor him. They ate dinner with his parents, pretending easily as if they hadn't heard anything that had been said before, and somehow, Draco seemed more at ease that night at the table than he did when he'd argued with his father. Selina noticed that once Draco had all but renounced his father, he seemed to remove himself from the situation entirely. Draco really became his father's son in nothing more than a genetic capacity. Nothing Lucius could've said or did bothered him anymore, as if he'd just flipped a switch inside of him. The way he so quickly changed his stance on his relationship with his father almost scared Selina, but only because she knew what it felt like to be capable of such a thing. 

*****

Christmas Eve arrived shortly, it seemed. Letters had been exchanged between Selina and Draco and all of their other friends. Selina had written the most to Jasper and Amana, and Selina had caught Draco a few times at his desk writing short letters to Pansy. Seeing the way Draco so childishly hid his consideration for Pansy Parkinson made Selina miss Jasper. She missed spending time with him at school, walking around with him, joking with him, and seeing him watching intently from the stands during some of her Quidditch practices. Somehow, Selina had felt that she performed even better with him watching. His support was everything to her, whether it was for a Quidditch match, or in helping Draco. In turn, she felt she was at her best when she was offering her support to him, listening to his complaints about his family, or encouraging him on his path to someday becoming a professional Healer, or simply being there to walk with him or sit and talk to him. He meant a lot to her, and was slowly becoming a part of her everyday routine as she'd remembered to write him back every night since the holidays had begun. The problem wasn't necessarily that she didn't have any feelings for Jasper, but more so that she'd never thought about them before, much less expressed them, to anyone. 

No matter what she felt when she initially looked at Jasper Carroll, Selina had always remembered to see him as just her friend, the one who just smiled when he spoke to her, and cheered her on when she played Quidditch. When Selina looked at Jasper, she saw a lot of pleasant things, things that she's never seen in anyone else before. But Selina knew that, from the only practice in human contact she'd had since she was born, she wasn't meant to get too close to anyone. Selina knew that, at the end of the day, it was easiest for her to just be a friend, the kind of person you spoke to and then left and the end of the day. Selina knew that the only real relationship she'd ever had was with her grandmother, who had only taught her the worst ways to interact with people. As bad as Selina knew her grandmother was, she also knew that even her grandmother had told her that she could never make anyone happy. And Selina had accepted that, if even Dominique Morais determined that someone was unlovable, they probably were, considering that she was the queen of being unlovable. If anyone knew anything about how to repulse others, it was her. 

Five Years Ago

It was Christmas morning, and Selina had woken up, hoping for a Christmas morning breakfast. She had gotten herself ready as she went down to the estate's main living room. She hoped to find her grandmother making breakfast, or having already prepared something. Selina eventually found her grandmother sitting on the sofa in front of the fire, sipping on a martini. She was staring at the fire thoughtless, enjoying one of her rare drinks for the special occasion.

  "Gran?" Selina said quietly, walking up behind her. 

  "What is it?" her grandmother asked, barely looking at her. 

  "Is there anything to eat?" she asked anxiously.

  Selina's grandmother nodded. "There's some oatmeal, left in the kitchen," she said indifferently. 

Selina sighed, giving up on the idea of a nice meal as she left to eat her breakfast, alone. 

  "It's Christmas, so there's twenty-five galleons for you on the table!"

  "Okay! Thank you!" she called. 

Selina ate her breakfast of cold oatmeal alone in the kitchen, not bothering to sit at the table. She thought again for a moment about how much she missed her mother, and for the thousandth time that things would have ended up so differently if Adeline had still been alive. Selina didn't cry about her mother much anymore. After a while, it just became something that she knew was a part of her life, or rather something that wasn't anymore. Selina was used to eating her meals at home alone, wishing she could have had someone to share them with who actually wanted her around. After she'd eaten her breakfast, Selina put away the gold coins her grandmother had given her, returning downstairs to at least spend time with another person. She sat down about a foot from her grandmother on the sofa, keeping her eyes fixed on her own lap as she slowly kicked her feet back and forth, trying to find something to say to fill the silence. 

  "Merry Christmas, Selina," the old woman smiled at her granddaughter.

  Selina smiled gingerly, waiting for the pleasantness of her demeanor to twist and contort into something ugly. "Merry Christmas, Gran," she murmured. 

Selina looked over at her grandmother, waiting to see if she had anything else to say. 

  "You know, the only gift I could ask for is to have your mother back again," Dominique thought aloud with a smile on her face. 

  The little girl studied her. "Me too," she said softly.

  "She'd be alive, you know," she whispered, suddenly seething with rage. "She'd still be alive, if it wasn't for you."

Five Years Later 

Selina Romanov sat silently at the table, almost catatonic. 

  "Sel? Sel," Draco Malfoy whispered, capturing her attention with a start.

  "...What?" she stammered, as if just waking up.

  "Are you okay?" Draco questioned, looking to her for a response.

Selina looked around to see everyone at the table looking at her. She cleared her throat as she tried to remember what had been said at the table as she focused herself.  

  "Sorry, what?" she asked.

  "Nothing, dear, it's of little consequence," Narcissa waved off the question, "Have you heard from your grandmother or your uncle Igor at all today?"

  "Oh... Yes," Selina said honestly, recalling the sack of gold and letter her owl had delivered that morning. 

  "I expect you probably miss your grandmother," Lucius conjectured, eating his turkey. "And your parents."

His wife automatically flashed him a horrified look, embarrassed at her husband's lack of consideration. Draco also looked embarrassed, mouthing an exasperated apology as he shook his head at his father. 

  "...Yeah," Selina responded, emphasizing the obviousness of her answer, "I do."

Selina and Draco were both shortly dismissed from dinner, sitting alone upstairs as they prepared themselves for eggnog around the fireplace until midnight with Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy. Selina sat on her bed reading a letter she'd gotten from her Uncle Igor, her father's older brother, who was weirdly the only person she was biologically related to who she actually liked. Igor had been traveling the world for the past few years, rarely being on the same continent as his niece. Igor Romanov was an eccentric man who used his fortune to travel to strange and distant lands to do God knows what, who also had at least about ten different girlfriends per continent, excluding Antarctica, at least as far as Selina knew. She loved receiving her weekly letters from her Uncle Igor, where he would tell fantastical stories about his travels, and would often send her a little memento from wherever he currently was. This time, he had sent her a magical firecracker from Thailand, which she had prudently decided would be best to save. He had also wished her a happy Christmas, and had sent her a beautiful golden dragon, supposedly enchanted to bring luck and protection, as her formal Christmas gift. Selina had also just received a letter delivered by Jasper's owl, which had sat on Draco's windowsill until she opened it. She pet Jasper's owl, Arwen, watching it fly away as she eagerly opened up the letter. Jasper certainly meant more to Selina than she knew, which became clear once she read the letter that he'd sent her late that night on Christmas Eve.

Dear Selina,

I hope you're having a good Christmas Eve up at the Malfoys'. My family's doing well, and they all 'send their regards'. Except for Jamie, he's an arsehole. He just says to tell you 'hey', and congratulations on the win against Ravenclaw. I thought I'd send you a little gift, something I think you'd appreciate.

She paused her reading of the letter to look inside the small envelope, reaching in to find what he'd been referring to. It seemed Jasper had sent her a little blue flower that was almost purple. She looked back down at the letter he'd written for the explanation. 

...I finally mastered Orchideous. Sort of. I somehow grew a few of these, and I thought you'd like one. Merry Christmas. You deserve nice things, you know. You deserve beautiful things. I hope you don't mind me saying, but, if I'm being honest, I think you deserve the world. You're smart, you're funny, you're kind, you're beautiful, and you've come to have a sort of sacred place in my heart, you know. You mean a lot to me, and honestly, the idea of you spending time at the Malfoys' makes me feel a bit bad for you. I just know Malfoy's kind of an arse to you, and I just feel you deserve for someone to be nothing but nice to you. I really like you, Selina. And I love having you as my friend, but I also feel something even deeper for you. I just had to tell you, because I'd like the chance to tell you in person how beautiful and endearing I find you. Good night, and Merry Christmas again. 

Jasper Carroll

Selina was stunned, sitting still on her bed as she  could only keep reading what he'd written on the piece of parchment she'd been sent. She could hardly speak. At first she thought about telling Draco, but for some reason, she felt unable to process things with his relentless teasing going on in the background. Selina panicked internally, fixated on how she would have to kindly reject Jasper in a letter. It wasn't until then that she realized that she had just jumped to a conclusion assuming that she would have to reject him at all.  The more she thought about it, the more she saw that, this time, she didn't want to reject the boy confessing his feelings to her at all, like she had all the others. Jasper wasn't anything like Goyle, or Montague. Selina liked Jasper, and thought he was handsome, without also finding him irritating or loathsome at all. She knew she liked him, and that perhaps she had silently fancied him ever since she had met him when she was twelve, and he was thirteen. When he had first asked her her name, she had almost grinned like an idiot looking into his soft green eyes. They were inquisitive and kind, and they still made her smile to this day. 

One Year Ago

Draco Malfoy followed Selina Romanov as she flew down towards the pitch after their game against Gryffindor. Regrettably, Draco and Selina had lost their first ever Quidditch match played on the Slytherin team, not aware that it would turn out to be the only game they would get to play that school year. 

  "Move, Romanov! I want to take a nap!" Draco complained as he flew behind his friend.

  "Why? Does little baby Malfoy need to cry himself to sleep because he lost to Harry Potter?" she mocked him as he soared back down beside her, laughing as he tried to shove her. 

The two of them dropped their broomsticks on the ground as they laughed, shoving each other jokingly. They had probably shoved one another five times before they had noticed a flashing camera interrupting them. A Hufflepuff boy was snapping photos of the two of them on the Quidditch pitch. Standing beside him was a taller Slytherin boy, watching them as they had their pictures taken. Draco smiled for the camera, a bragging grin on his face as he picked up his broom again, posing with it just like any professional Quidditch player in the picture beside an editorial. Selina rolled her eyes as the boy took the photos of Draco, capturing him in his element as he emphasized his importance with all sorts of different victorious smiles, no longer upset by their loss against the Gryffindor team. 

  "Go on, Romanov," the Hufflepuff boy encouraged her excitedly, "Get in the pictures!"

  "Come on!" Draco yelled to her. 

Selina stepped beside Draco, smiling proudly for the camera as he happily wrapped his arm around her, the two of them looking like genuine teammates. 

  "Perfect!" Ian Murray, the Hufflepuff boy, screamed over the noisy crowd. "Thank you!" he said as he lowered his camera. 

The two of them nodded and smiled, as Draco joined the other boys on the team, who were still angry about the game. 

  "These are gonna come out great!" the tall boy with longer black hair called. 

  "Thanks!"

Selina smiled and waved at him, leaving the pitch to change out of her uniform in order to avoid dealing with the other angry Slytherins, especially Flint. She kept waving to him, smiling tentatively as she went back and forth on whether or not she would actually say anything else to him. She had wanted to talk to him so badly, to ask him his name and let him ask her whatever he wanted, but nothing had come out. She'd scolded herself for caring so much, pushing the moment out of her mind until she'd encountered him again, with her friends in the school library.

One Year Later 

Even now, Selina still thought about when she'd first met Jasper. She hardly remembered it until he'd reminded her before. She was surprised she'd forgotten it, given the impression that Jasper Carroll had made on her when they first met. From the moment she saw Jasper, she was intrigued by him. Whether or not she could allow herself the momentary lapse in humility to admit that he had also been intrigued by the girl he'd saw flying proudly across the Quidditch pitch, he had also been enamored with her when they first met. She never would have guessed it from his usual, relaxed demeanor, but the second he had met Selina Romanov, Jasper Carroll was stunned by her, certain he'd never met anyone as brilliantly magnetic as she was. Her very presence had an effect on him, something he could hardly put into words. Looking at her was like staring at the sun, your eyes blinded by indescribable colors that were too interesting to understand. Selina certainly liked the way Jasper looked at her, the way he seemed intensely focused on her no matter what she had to say. She was the one he constantly forgot how to breathe around, and unlike the other boys like Goyle, mindlessly enamored with her pretty face and green skirt that brought out her eyes, this didn't make her think less of him at all. The way in which he was obsessed with her wasn't at all stupid, or vain. It was genuine, and went deeper than she understood.

  "You ready to spend two hours with my parents?" Draco asked her. 

  She struggled to answer him, her eyes widening like a deer in headlights. "Yeah."

  "I keep thinking how excited I am for Christmas," Draco shared, "But then, I stop and I think, 'What do I even have to really look forward to'?"

Selina frowned, sharing his pain. 

  "What, is a new broomstick supposed to make me forget that my father doesn't want to be my father?" he asked himself. "Is my grandfather's ring supposed to make up for my father not wanting to look at me?" 

  "I got a sack of gold, and some of my mother's old things just to placate me until the holidays are over," Selina expressed emptily. "But I suppose that's more useful to me than a hug, or an apology."

Draco looked at her sadly, understanding her current train of thought all too well. 

  "I'm finding I don't want any of that either," he admitted. "I'm done with hugs. I'm done with 'I love you's', I'm done with second and third and fourth chances... If there's anything that makes things better, it's money. Money's never done me wrong," he said.

  "You're not wrong there," Selina offered humorously. 

  "My father doesn't think I'll do it, but I will, you know. I'll get a job, not even have to rely on our fortune," Draco told her with an intense seriousness to his tone. "I'll make enough money in my life to support generations, and generations, and generations of Malfoy's! I'll be richer than my father," he vowed.

  "'You know, you'd be a lot more successful if you stopped competing with your father," she proposed.

  Draco raised an eyebrow at her. "How so?"

  "If all you ever strive to be is just better than your father, than that's all you'll ever get to be," she reasoned. "But you strive to bet better than yourself, and there's no telling what you could do."

Draco thought about her advice, considering how she might be right. 

  "We're in Slytherin after all. We don't succeed just because of other people," Selina scoffed. "We succeed because it's who we are."

They looked at each other, sharing in the pain that moved them.

  "Doing things for other people is pathetic, even if it's out of spite. I want to be more than a mewling, whining child. I want to be a god."

  "Maybe we can be," Draco suggested, "Some day."

  "Why wait?" she questioned. "Between the both of us, we know a good amount of spells. All we have to do is keep going."

  "I don't know as many spells as you, though," he admitted.

  "You could," she pointed out. "All you'd have to do is learn. And you learn fast. There's nothing stopping you and I from becoming the most powerful witch and wizard to ever exist."

  "That would be something, wouldn't it?" Draco thought, as if the idea were so distant to him that it couldn't have been real.

*****

Selina sat with the Malfoy family before the fireplace, as Narcissa peacefully divided gift boxes from underneath the Christmas tree. The Malfoy family tradition was that everyone got to open one box each at midnight on Christmas eve. She opened a gift from her son as her husband opened the gift she'd gotten for him, the two of them still set on acting as if nothing had happened between them even though both of the children were well aware that wasn't true. Draco decided he'd open a gift he'd gotten from his mother, just as she placed a small, gift-wrapped box in front of Selina. 

  "Here you go, sweetheart," she said. "This one's from me. There's one from Lucius, and one from Draco, too."

  "Really?" Selina thought aloud, surprised. "That's so kind of you. Thank you."

  "It's no trouble at all," she promised. "We just wanted you to be able to celebrate like a part of our family."

Selina smiled, graciously accepting the gift she'd been gotten for Christmas.

  "Alright. Let's all open," Narcissa said with a smile.

Draco impatiently opened one of the gifts he'd gotten from his mother, an enchanted fountain pen that seemed to be able to write things even its user didn't know, the kind that, naturally, was banned at Hogwarts, enforced through various anti-cheating jinxes. Although Narcissa hadn't considered this, it would still be possible to complete an assignment using this pen and merely copy the answers onto another piece of parchment before handing it in. Narcissa Malfoy had opened a fancy scarf made of blue cashmere that Draco had gotten for her from Diagon Alley, proudly hugging her son. Lucius opened a beautiful set of gold cuff links his wife had gotten him, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. Selina unwrapped the box from Narcissa, expecting a simple gift purely meant as a friendly gesture for the holidays. But instead, she found a beautiful glass bottle that looked like it was just a giant diamond. It was a spray bottle, filled with a magical perfume in the form of a clear, sparkling liquid. The bottle read 'Le Charme d'Amour' in fancy cursive letters. Curious, Selina took the glass top off the bottle, smelling it. In awe of its strange properties, she all but gasped. 

  "That smells amazing," she remarked, looking up at everyone else in disbelief. 

  "I'm glad you like it," Narcissa said in her low, elegant voice. "It's a new perfume I discovered, from a witch in Milan. It's got a very low percentage of Amortentia."

  "The love potion?" 

  "Yes, just enough to emit the same scents," Narcissa nodded. "What do you smell?"

   "I don't know... Cherries? Roses? Vanilla?" Selina guessed. "It's hard to describe."

  "Everyone smells something different when they smell it, but it smells good to everyone," Narcissa explained, "Supposedly in the same way."

Selina held the bottle out towards Draco, who

smelled it eagerly.

  "I smell the cherries," he stated, trying to make out the other aromas as he shook off the effects of the spell. 

  "It's incredible," Selina murmured, impressed as she put the cap on the bottle. 

  "Supposedly, the Amortentia has a very slight effect on people when you wear it," Narcissa considered, "But it's not thought to be noticeable at all. It's less than one percent Amortentia. But every time I where it, it seems I turn more heads, and more doors are held open for me," she said as Lucius shot her a look of disapproval.

  "I see," Selina thought. 

  "It's a very lucky sort of spell," Narcissa offered. "I figured it would make a nice gift."

  "Certainly. Thank you, it smells amazing," Selina admitted.

  "That's the thing; it smells great to everyone," the woman remarked. "Very convenient, really. It'll get you lots of compliments, for sure."

Selina smiled, happy to receive such a special gift. In some ways, Narcissa Malfoy was more of a mother to her than anyone she'd ever met, apart from Amana Tesfaye's mother. No woman had ever been so genuinely kind toward her in her life since her mother had died. Narcissa may have been strange, and oddly formal at times, but still she had demonstrated more of an interest in Selina than anyone else ever had, including her own grandmother. Selina definitely knew a lot of questionable people, definitely including all of the Malfoys, but she knew that she couldn't be picky. It didn't matter if the Malfoys were shallow, or rude, or just uncomfortable to spend time with sometimes. Ultimately it didn't matter that they were practically both Death Eaters, or that they openly hated Muggles, because Selina knew that her own family, specifically on her father's side, wasn't any better. She also knew that, unlike most of her own family, the Malfoys actually cared for her, and supported her, despite all of their messy drama and other flaws. They weren't the best of people at times, but they were a family, a family which actually welcomed Selina. Selina wasn't exactly an expert at showing affection given the environment that she'd grown up in, but with the Malfoys, nothing was expected of her, but everything was welcome. 

Lucius and Narcissa drank their eggnog fairly quietly as they enjoyed watching the fire, listening to the old records playing on the gramophone. Draco also enjoyed the music that his parents played around the holidays, usually pleasant love songs that they would also dance to together when they were in better moods. Needless to say, this year, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had remained seated on their couch, still holding one another's hand from a distance. It was sad to see, Selina thought as she observed them, but it was also beautiful in a very melancholic how the two of them tried to remain physically close in one, single way despite the problems that they had. Draco was similar to his parents in that he'd learned to keep the people he cared about close, no matter how angry he might've been with them. Selina had noticed this, in the way he always sat near her, or Crabbe and Goyle, no matter how much any of them had offended him on any given day. She had always thought that Draco had absorbed a lot of his parents' behaviors, even if he was mostly recognized for exhibiting the bad ones. 

Selina sat in silence next to Draco, listening to the beautiful music that played that night as they drank their eggnog.

  "I'm kind of glad they canceled the Christmas party this year," Draco told her privately. "I never realized how nice it is to spend Christmas with a small group of people."

  "Almost my whole life, Christmas has just been me and my grandmother," Selina spoke softly. "I've had a lot of things to say about that, but one word I'd never use to describe it is 'nice'," she remarked with a deep emptiness in her voice. 

  "I meant... it's nice to spend Christening with a small group of people you love," he corrected himself, feeling strange as he realized 'love' might've been the wrong word to use in this context. "Oh. I almost forgot."

He pulled the two gift boxes from his pocket they'd gotten at Knockturn Alley, from the enchanted rings.

  "Might as well give you your birthday present since yours is in January," he shrugged nonchalantly. 

Selina chuckled, opening the little black leather box, revealing the silver ring with the dark gemstones. She handed the ring to Draco, who held hers and his own in his hand, reading the incantation from the slip of paper provided by Bellicent Cobbe. 

  "Simulaeternum," he murmured, pointing his wand.

A faint white light enveloped the two rings he held together in his hand. He held up both pieces of jewelry to his eye level, handing Selina her ring  once he'd examined them.

  "Let's test them out," he said finally.

She nodded, slipping the ring onto her index finger. Remembering what the witch had said about using the rings to communicate, she gave hers a couple of slight taps, waiting for results. After a delay of about a second, Draco's eyes widened with surprise as he felt a gentle squeezing on his finger, as if someone had been holding onto it. 

  "Bloody hell, it does work," he realized. "Coolest thing I've ever bought, and that's saying something. Because I've bought a lot of things. Because I'm rich," he stated obviously. 

  "Not a bad find at all," Selina agreed. 

She sat with him in contentment. They watched the fire dancing in the fireplace, listening to the ambient sound of smooth jazz love songs filling the living room sipping on eggnog. Although she wanted to feel more peaceful in that moment, she knew she couldn't completely relax until she knew what her response to Jasper was going to be. Selina what chose she was going to make, nor did she know what her options were. She liked Jasper, and she knew she could be very happy with him, but she didn't know what she actually wanted. She didn't understand how a person could truly care for someone, but not want to be with them, but she also knew that this was the sort of thing that just couldn't be simplified. As much as Selina felt she fancied him, she also wasn't sure that actually being with someone was a promise she could keep. 

  "Hey," Draco's voice suddenly interrupted her inner monologue. "What's wrong?"

She readjusted to where she was slowly, her eyes taking longer to focus on what was in front of her. 

  "What?" she piped up.

  "What's got your knickers in a twist?" he asked.

  "Nothing," she said as she shook off the thoughts. 

  He frowned. "'Nothing' as in 'dead mum stuff'?" he asked cautiously.

  "No," Selina promised, "Definitely not."

He didn't seem to understand the nature of her tone.

  "Then I don't understand," he admitted, "Otherwise, you're set."

  "I don't know. Just trying to figure out how I actually feel," she thought aloud.

  "Sometimes, I have trouble with that too, you know," Draco confided in her. "Like with Pansy."

  His example intrigued her. "How so?" she wondered.

  "Well, I know she fancies me," he began thoughtfully.

  "Who doesn't at this point?" she asked impatiently.

  "Yeah, well... I know she does," he ignored the question. "And I know I fancy her too. I know that when you fancy someone, and they feel the same, that's all you need to know," he presented logically. 

She nodded slowly, realizing the parallels between their situations and feelings toward them.

  "So, I'm thinking, if I fancy her too, then just go and be with her," he concluded quickly. "But, I have this... weird feeling that might not be what I want after all."

Selina said nothing, taking in what he said as she began to find herself deeper into the conversation. She held onto his every word, trying to piece together every reaction and motivation in his brain. 

  "I feel like, even though I fancy her and she fancies me, there's still something else missing," he analyzed, "But I just don't know what if could be."

  She absorbed everything he said, trying to figure out just how intertwined their feelings might be. "Sometimes, I feel like the only reason I'm not set on how I feel is because I know I'm wrong somehow."

  "Yeah. Like maybe I want something different, but I don't quite know what," Draco contemplated. 

Neither of them had anything helpful to add after that. They continued the next few moments in silence, finishing their egg nog before eventually retiring to Draco's room for the night. Selina was laying down on her bed trying to fall asleep, as Draco got into his own bed. She turned away from him facing the door as she laid there with her eyes wide open, trying to think. She couldn't allow herself to sleep, and was maddened by all the different possibilities that presented themselves as she lie awake.

  "Merry Christmas, Sel," Draco mumbled as he fell asleep.

  "Merry Christmas, Draco," she replied, knowing she wouldn't be getting much sleep.

*****

Christmas morning filled Selina with a feeling of relief at how rejuvenating it was. She and Draco had woken up late at the same time, having spent in past noon. They had cleaned up, feeling refreshed, before coming downstairs to the smell of fresh cookies. They had eaten a plentiful Christma morning breakfast prepared by the family chef, an old Squib from Italy, before indulging in the gingerbread cookies and milk. Selina realized she had plenty of other things on her mind as she sat at the table that morning alone with Draco as Lucius and Narcissa sat in the living room, having already eaten their share. It was definitely an interesting thought that, as she watched him impatiently dunking his cookies in milk, looking at them in approval once he tasted that they were soft enough, but not too soft. It hadn't occurred to her before that, perhaps the reason behind her reluctance to admit feelings for Jasper was because she had even stronger ones for Draco. Yes, it was a strange and almost embarrassing development in her situation, but Selina couldn't deny that she'd heard it speculated so many different times that she thought it might be true. It was a funny idea, Selina fancying Draco Malfoy, but she knew that no matter how aware she was that Draco was still in fact Draco, it was still possible that she'd felt something for him as the years went by. 

After all, they'd always gotten along well, when they were really determined. Selina cared for him very deeply, especially at their age, and she was almost beginning to feel that it was just one of those situations where you had to at least entertain the idea. She knew that even if she shouldn't say it out loud, she did love him on some level. Naturally, she'd always assumed she just loved him like a brother, feeling a devoted level of friendship between them. But she also felt that there were parts of her that didn't know how to feel around Draco. Selina understood that, regardless, and would've fought for Draco or died for him. She knew that she liked seeing him happy, and hated to see him hate himself. She could tell every word of what he was thinking just by the look on his face, but didn't know if that was enough. She had no experience with crushes, or access reputable sources for advice. A part of Selina certainly wanted to see him, eventually exploring what was waiting for them beyond the confines of platonic friendship, although an admittedly overwhelming amount of her conscious also wanted to remain unattached to everyone, not limited in her options. But it wasn't so much because she wanted everyone than it was that she worried she secretly wanted no one. Although Selina had always been the kind of person who could've easily told you what they wanted, she also wasn't exactly the kind of person who typically laid all their cards on the table.

Selina Romanov was very opinionated about many things, and almost always had her own take on things whether or not she actually shared it. She rarely ever made grand gestures, or spoke up very passionately, or publicly took firm stances on any particular issue. She'd always had a quirky fear of being too publicly opinionated, because Selina always maintained her almost impossible sense of neutrality and empathetic acceptance in order to convince people that she was their other half through shallow agreement and thoughtless pandering. Selina often infiltrated entire social circles just by agreeing with the people she met and playing the mediator in disputes so that she always ended up in favor of both sides. Because of her popularity amongst Slytherins and others alike, and her friendship with other intimidating Slytherins, Selina's kindness, when it made an appearance, was always perceived as untrustworthy or disingenuous. Even she was forgetting who she was underneath all of it, forgetting what her own opinions really were, or what her genuine personality was like. Selina always feared she was no one underneath all of the pretending, that every day, once she was finally alone, there was nothing left under all the charming smiles and quick nods. Selina always had an agenda, a motivation for every little thing she did, but the bigger picture would almost always lead back to her status, or her future career as an adult witch, which always took priority over her own various whims and emotions, including the sort of feelings she had for Jasper. 

Selina cared deeply for him, which everyone knew. He was practically her other half, and was, in her opinion, the smartest, funniest person she'd ever met. She constantly looked forward to spending time with him, and she loved the special way he would pay attention to her, and only her. There was only one small issue that she could think of to make her believe that she truly wanted Draco instead, which was that Jasper Carroll, as kind and handsome as he was, just wasn't Draco Malfoy. Why that was a bad thing, Selina still had no idea. Draco Malfoy was immature, mean, and impossible to get along with. Being around him always felt like babysitting. Selina knew that if she were to somehow end up with him, she'd never be able to get a moment's peace ever again. Why she felt the need to willingly subject herself to that, she had no idea. But everything was almost serene at Malfoy Manor that Christmas morning, between Draco silently downing his mug of hot chocolate, and his parents opening the gifts he'd gotten each of them for the holidays. 

  "Oh, the chocolates, I can't believe you remembered!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Thank you so much, my darling, I love you," she said softly as she hugged her son.

Draco hugged his mother back, only becoming awkward as he realized Selina had been looking. Not surprising anyone, Lucius Malfoy was very composed, to say the least, as he opened his gift from his son, which was a signed former broomstick handle of a legendary Quidditch player, that Draco had spent months tracking down as a surprise. Of course, this was before he had truly been illuminated on the subject of his relationship with his father. Lucius hardly seemed thoroughly impressed by the gift from his son. This led to an angry look to Selina once he was no longer paying attention to Draco, which never seemed to take long. 

  "Oh, Draco?" Narcissa said in an airy tone. "Did you want your gift to Selina?" 

  "Oh, yes," Lucius Malfoy chimed in, "Let's all let Selina open her gifts."

  "Wow, you didn't have to do all this," she said almost guiltily as they placed a few boxes out in front of her. 

  "No one 'has to' do anything, we just wanted to," Draco spat. "Open them."

  "Draco, be polite," Lucius scoffed at his manners, "Malfoy men are gentlemen."

  "Yeah," Selina agreed with a grin, liking the concept, "They are."

  "Ha-ha, you're hilarious," he said flatly.

Selina opened the gifts addressed to her on beautiful calligraphy labels from Lucius and Narcissa, revealing a luxurious cashmere scarf, a designer quill, and a stylish black coat. Having friends like the Malfoys once again proved to be a very lucrative opportunity. 

  "Open my present," Draco told her softly. 

  She looked down at the box wrapped in delicate black and gold paper, suspicious of it. "It's not gonna release some sort of dung bomb, is it?"

  "Just open the damn box," Draco sighed exasperatedly. 

  "Don't be a neanderthal," Lucius snapped, much to Draco's dismay. 

Selina opened Draco's present, surprised at how innocent of a gift it was as she opened the box it was contained in. It seemed to be another box, carved from beautiful dark wood, etched with beautiful flowers and designs that his various ancient runes. She opened the wooden box, revealing a tiny porcelain ballerina on the inside. Selina was confused, to say the least, as she examined the tiny little danced with long dark hair and painted blue eyes, which bore an eerie to herself. 

  "A music box?" she held it up, not understanding. 

Narcissa and Lucius both leaned in, getting a closer look at the magical item Draco had found in an antique store.

  "Oh. I see," Lucius Malfoy murmured as he examined it.

  "I've heard about these, but never actually seen one," she said in awe, glancing at her son. "Draco... This very Dark magic."

Even Narcissa seemed startled by this unknown object. Selina was worried, given that she was aware that Narcissa Malfoy wasn't exactly a stranger to the Dark Arts. 

  "It's a wonderful gift for Selina," Lucius approved.

  "What? You can't just give that to someone—"

Selina looked back and forth between all of them, trying to figure out what Narcissa was so concerned about.

  His wife looked at him in surprise. "Lucius..."

  "What is it?" Selina asked Draco, not aware at all of what it was.

The Malfoy's all hesitated, as Lucius looked down and gave his son a small nod of permission, egging him on even as Narcissa's eyes half begged him not to.

  "Here," he said softly, taking out the small ingredient bags. "You take one of these, and you put it in the box," he showed her.

  "The human vocal chords..." she whispered, realizing the potency of this form of magic. "And then what?" she asked, watching as he closed the wooden box. 

  "Did you get anything of your mother's? Something small, that you're willing to part with?" he thought. 

She nodded, rushing upstairs as everyone waited expectantly. She handed Draco the small box of belongings her grandmother had sent her. Draco looked through the box, searching until he settled on Adeline's old hairbrush, which still had many of her own hairs stuck to it. Selina watched in confusion as Draco pulled a single, long brown hair from the brush. Selina watched his cold, pale hands, carefully setting the single strand of hair down inside the box before closing it. 

  "Now you just turn this knob, here," he said softly.

She held onto the box with him, watching him slowly turn the delicate key on the side of the box, as a small sound was emitted from the music box. A quiet tune played, sounding beautiful but disturbing at the same time. Everyone listened to the tune intently, patiently waiting. Soon enough, a small, frail voice accompanied the music. The voice was quiet and labored, as if speaking despite a sore throat, but Selina could've recognized it anywhere. 

  "Selina," the voice whispered, as Narcissa's eyes widened. "Selina, I miss you... Selina, I love you."

The voice had died out, but the tune still remained, playing as Selina desperately held onto the music box, tears falling suddenly as she frantically held it up, listening again for the voice as the music eventually died out.

  Narcissa turned to her husband, her voice meek and shaky. "Is that...?"

  "Mum," Selina murmured, looking over at Draco. "Is that... Is that really her?" she asked, fearful that she was being deceived. 

No one in the room said a word at the uncomfortable topic.

  "Was that my mother?" Selina Romanov asked in horror. 

  "I, erm... I don't know how it works, exactly," Draco admitted. "But, that's her, that's her voice. Y-You don't hate it, do you?"

  "No," she gasped, leaping into his arms as she gave him a grateful hug, "Thank you."

Sure, most would have found the device creepy, or at least been offended by the gift one way or another, but Selina didn't mind. She was shocked at the gift Draco had gotten her, but still, nothing could have outweighed her relief at getting a chance to hear her mother's voice again, at least one more time. He returned her hug, relieved that she appreciated the gift and wasn't upset or angry with him. He held her close to him, sighing as she embraced him. 

  "That's all you have to do to use it. There's a good amount of those old vocal chords," he told her. "See?"

  "It's horrifying," Selina told him. "I love it."

Draco Malfoy let out a sigh of relief as he let go of her, opportunistically memorizing the expression of relief and gratitude on her face. Selina never would've expected he'd care enough to try and give her a piece of her mother she never thought she could've had again, even as misguided as the attempt seemed to be to everyone else, mainly Narcissa, but Selina didn't care. She didn't care how unorthodox or strange of a gift Draco had decided to give her. She knew it was the best gift she'd ever gotten before. Hearing her mother's voice had startled her, not in fear, but only in that she never thought she would have another chance to hear her mother speak to her again. She had done everything she could to try and keep reminders of her mother on her mind whenever she could, but nothing compared to hearing Adeline's voice speak to her again, after seven years. Selina remembered just how much she'd loved hearing her mothers voice, the way she had always sang at home, and laughed at everything. Ilya had always made fun of her for it, but Selina loved it. Now, her mother's laughter was one of the few things she still had to cling onto. Until now, of course. 

  "I just thought I'd get you something I knew you'd like," Draco broke the silence. "I couldn't get you your mother back, but..."

Selina nodded, shutting a few tears behind her eyelids as she tried to steady herself as Lucius and Narcissa left the room for their afternoon drinks. 

  "I knew you wouldn't have wanted anything silly, like a golden quill or a signed Quaffle," Draco offered. "So, I found this."

  "I appreciate it. A lot," she nodded earnestly.

  "You don't have to say anything," he provided. "I know. Well... I don't know, but I know," he reassured her. 

  "Thank you, Draco," she murmured, meaning so much more than she said.

  "You're welcome," he nodded simply. 

She sat alone next to him in her thoughts, silently breaking down every difference and similarity between him and Jasper. She knew why she was friends with them both, and she knew that she didn't understand the feelings she had for either of them. Jasper was precious to her, and Draco was always by her side. The way it was to everyone else, she had to be destined for one of them. She just had to be, it seemed. 

  "Jasper tells me he fancies me," Selina revealed hesitantly, not considering much before she spoke.

Draco froze, not looking her in the eye as he tried to actually understand what she'd said. 

  "Well about time," he mustered, his utilization of delayed sarcasm rather impressive. 

  "He said he wants to be with me," she murmured, unsure of what to think. "I don't know what to make of it," she confessed.

  "Well," Draco thought, trying to come up with something useful, "Do you fancy him?"

There was a strangely long pause after he'd asked that question.

  "...Is there any reason I shouldn't?" Selina asked vaguely.

  "What?" Draco questioned her.

  "Is there any reason I shouldn't be with him?" Selina wondered, seeming completely lost. "He told me he fancies me, and I feel like I should figure out if there's any reason I shouldn't fancy him. I almost worry there's something there, something I can't quite describe... But I have no idea what it could be."

She watched him, trying to determine what his train of thought was. Draco's thoughts were hard to follow, as he didn't seem to have much to say.

  "It all comes down to whether you fancy him," he stated. "Do you fancy him or not?"

  "I don't know," Selina admitted. "I just... I almost wonder if there's someone else that I really fancy," she admitted, trying to gauge his initial response.

  "Like who?" he asked.

  "I don't know," she said. "Anyone."

  "I don't think anyone looks at you the way Carroll looks at you," Draco responded stiffly. "I don't think you have anything that strong with anyone else."

She didn't know it then, but what Draco had told her was a genuine fear of his. 

  "...Okay," she murmured as he eventually looked away, not noticing the tear that rolled down her cheek, falling onto the floor just as unnoticed as any of her other feelings were on a face that hardly moved when happy or sad. "Maybe I was wrong."

#draco malfoy imagine #draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco lucius malfoy #hpdm #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x reader

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 5: A Rant

This has been a bad day. I told myself I wasn’t going to let the stress of January get to me, and I really thought I wasn’t—even though I had a headache Monday and have been really exhausted, but, no big deal. I would get stuff done at my own pace and it would be fine. But then last night I slept pretty badly, through fault of my own. I told myself it would be okay, I’d go to work, just focus on my books, and then return home and rest after, and it would be fine. And instead it was just hours of hell.

I just don’t want to deal with stupidity right now! I am swamped and overwhelmed! I can barely keep up and here you all are with random distractions and shit that doesn’t matter, or with projects I signed up for last year and still want to do but can’t dive into NOW, and meetings I have to go to about those projects, and search committee stuff that should have been finished last November, and all of this on top of the days I have to leave early for appointments, and everything—everything somehow just has to be NOW even though NOW is quite literally the worst time of the year. There’s about a week or two in January, literally as short as that, where I am overwhelmed with one part of my job. Then it dies down fast and then it becomes crickets for months, the slowest time of year. So I would like to say, hey, this is intense but short so just let me just FOCUS but no. Nope.

Anyway, all this is the underlying stuff. The real hell was that my co-worker, chair of the search committee I am on, failed the very basics of decent communication with me and it really pissed me off. Like really pissed me off. Like I was starting to worry I was getting heart palpitations from the sheer amount of rage I felt. I mean it is sort of a me problem that I get so angry about shit like this but fuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk I am asking for so little.

Basically, I told him in December, when he said we would have to do interviews for the candidates in January, that I have a few appointments in January and I won’t be available on 3 afternoons. He said to add it to the calendar and he would look at the calendar while scheduling interviews (implying, I would say, that my out of work commitments would be taken into account). Then today—after we have both been in the office two full days—I hear, NOT from him but in passing from two other people, neither of whom is on this committee, that we have interviews scheduled for Tuesday. I am leaving early on Tuesday for a dentist appointment. So. What am I to do? I approach him—I have to approach him because he has yet to approach me—and he just defensively says, “Well what am I supposed to do? I had to schedule the interviews as soon as possible and Tuesday was the day the candidates wanted. I guess you can’t come.”

Like??? Okay if I don’t come to one candidate, that means I can’t evaluate her, that means I can’t put her in context, that means my vote/voice/opinion as ¼ of the committee is useless, and also I’m being pretty shitty to her, through no fault of my own. And he didn’t seem concerned at all with any of this. But what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to approach this? What am I supposed to say to him other than ‘hey this is a problem’? Am I supposed to say, ‘I have a scheduling conflict and this doesn’t work for me?’ That was the tack I took and his answer was, somewhat understandably, ‘It’s already finalized so….?????’ Am I supposed to come up and say ‘I will graciously change my appointment’ even though the actual message I want to convey is ‘I am angry at you’?

So, the conversation was infuriating, I was furious for a while longer, and then after wasting at least half an hour on this, I called my dentist and, after 2 phone calls, was able to switch my appointment. By SHEER FUCKING LUCK, I was able to move it 24 hours earlier, to Monday. They couldn’t move it later because they were booked for six solid months. They had an appointment today (not happening) and the one I took on Monday. Luckily, that was a time I could make, even a convenient time. But again, since I made this change 3 business days before the appointment, it was only by the purest force of luck that it was so simple.

I didn’t tell him I changed the appointment. It’s on the calendar. He doesn’t want to offer me the basic respect or decency of simple communication, so, he shall get none in return.

Look. I recognize that some of my anger comes from unreasonable places: assuming malice when I don’t think there was malice (more like guilt, frustration, fatigue, a desire to just get this done with as little effort as possible and whatever, don’t need to cross the t’s or dot the i’s), my own anxieties and hangups (not liking to change appointments, not liking unexpected changes to my schedule), and some bitterness about still being on this committee and my poor experiences on it, which are fair emotions on my part but also not helpful to this situation at this point. But a lot of my emotion is justified, I think. Malice or not, this was deeply disrespectful: of me, of my time, of the work I’ve done on this committee. From the start, I have tried my best and in good faith to do all that was asked of me, to read resumes thoroughly, to fill in that stupid HR spreadsheet as fairly as possible, to be timely and flexible, to be forgiving of the piss-poor way the committee is run because I know a lot of it stems from the anxiety of the chair. And now he doesn’t even do me the courtesy of telling me when the interviews ARE, even though he knows I have a conflict. Will I resolve the conflict? Will I just not show up? Doesn’t matter to him! Again, conscious or not that, that tells me that I am not valued, that I am not worth anything.

Further, it puts me in this very awkward position. It’s his mess, and has been since he dragged his feet last year, making January interviews necessary. But if I didn’t come to the interviews, I am the asshole who can’t give my time and attention to the candidates. And if I want to go to the interviews, as is my responsibility, I have to change my appointment. I know that should be nbd, it happens, but it’s still something I need to do! I can’t do it if I don’t know. I just felt so out of control. I found out abut this dilemma I’m in by chance and then I had to fix it, myself, and I felt squeezed for time because okay the appointment is in three (business) days, will I be able to find a new time, will it be a convenient time, will I have to pay a $55 fee for changing so late, when will I have time to do my work, my work is piling up around me while I figure this out, what if, what if, what if aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

And since I had to come to him about all this, I will never know when he would have told me. He sent out an email not long after our conversation (to all staff, not the committee, even though these two groups are not the same), and I don’t know if that was a coincidence or prompted by me.

I know he’s in a tough spot here. Again, of his making, but it still exists, and I’m trying to see things from others’ points of view and to be more open-minded and patient. But the choice not to communicate openly with me was absolutely his to make and a separate issue from the scheduling itself. It frustrates me so much that all of this could have been avoided if he had come to me on Tuesday—our first day back, a solid week before my appointment, and when I know the interviews had already been scheduled if not finalized—and said something like, “Hey, kinetic, I have some bad news. I’m sorry to do this to you, but I’ve been working to set up candidate interviews, and the scheduling is really tight. The only day that works for 2 of the candidates is next Tuesday. I saw on the calendar that you have an appointment that afternoon. Is there any way that we could work out a way for you to still meet both candidates? Here are some details on how the interviews will work. Or would you consider changing your appointment?” Even if he didn’t feel comfortable or able to suggest changing the appointment, something like the rest of it would do. Just literally anything that (1) gives me a heads up this is happening and (2) includes me and makes me feel valued and seen would have worked. I probably would still have been annoyed, but mostly at myself, for making such a big deal out of changing one stupid appointment, or at the general situation, which I would recognize was so useless as to be essentially a me problem, not a him problem. And I wouldn’t have shown any of this to him because my desire to avoid conflict is such that I would immediately accept any offer to see us as on the same team (which, technically, we are!) and so I would not be pissy or annoyed or passive aggressive but would try to match the tone of, oh, that’s too bad that’s happening, yes, I’d like to work it out. And then I probably would have volunteered to change the appointment if possible.

And frankly, even if I was a little annoyed and showed it, because it's not great news to hear, it's still the right thing to do to tell me. Sometimes you just need to face the consequences of your actions, even if awkward or unpleasant.

Anyway. I told myself I wouldn’t stew on this anymore and guess who’s stewing! It’s obviously me. I fell asleep after work, had dreams about Ishmael and Queequeg, and then woke up feeling sick because I needed to eat and my headache was back. I’m up too late again but I’m going to naively hope that the nap will help and that tomorrow at work I will be simply left alone to get shit done. The upside is that, even though I feel like I’m barely making a dent, I’ve started with the most time-consuming stuff, and so despite my number of carts, I am in good shape and could make significant progress tomorrow if basically left alone. The downside is that I have to do some project-related stuff tomorrow, and on Monday I leave early, and some indeterminate amount of time Tuesday is going to be spent on these interviews (the email that was sent eventually did not make the schedule clear tbh) and so frankly I think that whatever I don’t get done tomorrow may very well lag into Wednesday… But it’s fine. It’s fine. This has already consumed too much of my thoughts.

#the year 2023 #2023: rl

[xisheppard]

PART TWO

Tim's last day of training was uneventful consisting mostly of last remarks and the handing out of assignments. Tim would be returning to his station to work along side Sergeant Grey. More importantly to Tim, he was going home.

He meant what he had said to Lucy, he did miss her. After what had happened with Jackson they both had sensed a need in the other to not be alone. Having her in his space and then his arms had awakened something he thought long dead. He could see how much distance he had always kept between them but with one night the gap closed.

He had always been aware of Lucy, looking out for her, wanting her to succeed. That is what a good TO does but now there was something much deeper happening. When she had teased him about a future wife she had misunderstood his response. It wasn't that he didn't think he would meet someone but that he already had. As he had listened to her laugh  come across the line he could not fight the image of her walking towards him dressed in white. 

 Lucy woke with a plan. She was going to address what was happening between her and Tim. She needed to know what he was thinking. She would grab Kojo and pick up dinner and hopefully beat Tim to his house to get the dog settled and calm her own nerves. 

The universe however had other plans. She was partnered with Nolan which would normally be fine, but listening to his ramblings while trying to figure out how to tell her former TO that she really did have feelings for him was proving difficult. As one of the slowest shifts she had ever had drew to a close they got the dreaded call. They were assigned guard duty of a crime scene until it was processed. It was already after six and she would be stuck for at least another two hours. She decided to text Tim to tell him that her plans had changed.

Lucy: Stuck at a crime scene🙄 Don't know when I will be relieved. Can I get a rain check on dinner?

His response was immediate.

Tim: No need. I am about to head back now, will swing by and grab the dog and have dinner ready when you get there.

Lucy: I don't know how late I will be. We could just do breakfast tomorrow…

Tim: I don't care how late it is. I'll wait for you.

Lucy: I will let you know when I leave the station.

It was after ten by the time she left the station. She sent a quick text to Tim and started the drive to his house. She had felt tired as she changed into her jeans and crop top but the closer she got to his house the more her nerves and adrenaline kicked in. She still didn't really know what she wanted to say. Tim had been so adamant about her coming over. Did he really want to see her as badly as she wanted to see him?

The porch light was already on when she pulled into the drive beside Tim's truck. She made her way to the door debating between letting herself in or knocking. The decision was taken from her when the door opened to reveal a barefooted Tim in his Grey joggers and white t-shirt. Before either could speak Kojo wiggled his way past Tim's legs to make his presence known. 

Tim rolled his eyes.

 "You would think he was the one that  hadn't seen you in weeks." 

He opened the door wide so she  could enter as she patted kojo's head on her way to the kitchen. Dissatisfied with the amount of attention he received Kojo weaved his way between the various stools before she could sit. Lucy laughed at his antics.

Tim slide open the patio door and turned to Kojo. "Come on boot that's enough. You've seen our girl it's my turn."

Lucy felt heat rise in her face at his words as she took a seat at the bar watching Kojo run out into the yard. Tim slide the door closed and turned back to her.

"Hi." 

She smiled at his mock annoyance with the dog."Hi."

He moved toward the microwave "You hungry? I picked you up a burger."

" No not really maybe later. I had a few snacks. I want to hear all about your training." 

"There is not much to tell that I haven't already. I'll get some drinks if you want to sit on the couch." 

She walked back through to the living room feeling her nerves rise again. That's when she saw it. A silver frame on the mantle with a picture of her in her green dress from Angela's wedding. It was a candid moment of her smiling at something someone has said but she remembered who she was talking to. 

Tim walked in with two beers and sat them on the coffee table.

"Where did you get this?"

He turned to see what had caught her attention and came to stand behind her. 

"Angela has started going through photos from that day and she gave me that one."

"That day seems so long ago now. I am not even sure I am the same person I was then."

" Your not in every way, you're stronger." He gently turned her to face him as he cupped her face in his hands. " When I look at you I still see that bright sunshine love of life that you have but I also see a strong woman who can bring me to my knees." 

Her eyes pooled with unshed tears as she reached up to hold his wrists. He leaned down till there foreheads touched and their eyes closed allowing themselves to feel each other's presence. 

"Tim...I am not that strong, not alone."

He pulled back to look into her eyes again. " You're never alone."

He wiped the lone tear that spilled over with the pad of his thumb before meeting her lips with his own. One hand slid to her neck and the other to her waist pulling her closer. She could feel his hand where her top had ridden up as she stretched up to meet his kisses. It was hard to breathe but she kept  grasping for him as if he was her air. 

As they finally pulled apart she let her head rest against his chest in his embrace. When she finally looked up he had a small smirk on his face.

"What?"

"So does this mean we are still on for breakfast?" 

She gave a small gasp at his forwardness before playfully slapping his chest. "Depends I am not an early riser and I wouldn't want to break any Bradford rules on appropriate times to eat breakfast "

He seemed to ponder this before grabbing her up handlely on his way to his bedroom. Her laughter echoed down the hall way as he spoke. " I think in this case some things matter more."

@everylastlinex @chenfordbaby @wbopossum03 @13shadesofanni

Things Unsaid Part One

#chenford fanfic #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #chenford

[novasheadcanons]

The Brothers with a MC who’s presence is calming their sin

TW: None :3    SFW   Fluff

Lucifer

-One word: Denial.

- He was always proud. And he found new pride in being the Avatar he is. He would never allow anything else to happen.

- But you wormed your way almost to easy into the eldest heart.

- You started bringing him tea and a snack in the evening, when the others were getting ready for bed and you knew he was still working. The amount of paperwork seemingly endless.

- He scroffed the first time you did this. He didn’t need a weak human to take care of him.

- He will absolutly deny how quickly he was looking forward to seeing you in the evening, a gentle smile your lips and delicious tea and his favourite cake in your hands.

- You humbled him. Soft whispers of comfort in the night when he was overworked, stressed and trying to ingnore painful memories. He allowes you to care for him when he previously would have strangled anyone who saw him like this. Now he’s questioning what he did to deserve you.

- He leans into your touch and reaches out for you in return.

- What was previously limited to when you two were alone starts to seep into his daily life with the brothers as well.

- He recrognizes his shortcomings and flaws more, but still struggles to act on it. But he becomes more forgiving. His brothers were sure he was deadly ill the first time they noticed.

- Lucifer will always be the embodyment of pride, but he becomes softer around the edges.

- He like to pull you on his lap and stroke over your cheek. It never fails to make him smile when you look at him with so much adoration.

- “You know I can’t let you go just yet, right?”

 Mammon

-He thinks he’s dying. No joke. He has been googling his ‘symtoms’ 6 time now. - But ‘Help I’m the Avatar of Greed but I feel weird!’ doesn’t really bring forth anything useful.

- Mammon’s greed is something he never had any control over, and he still doesn’t. At least no concious control.

- It starts when you two are out and about. He made a new money making sheme and dragged you along, as usual, but now you two were sitting at this fountain for two hours already and he forgot why he dragged you in the first place.

- Mammon watched you laugh over something he said, but it was a nice laugh. A laugh that didn’t sting. You weren’t laughing about him. This was nice. He wanted more of this.

- When he actually managed to make money and he found himself looking for something for you instead of him, it dawned on him. This dork came home with 4 gifts for you and only one cool pair of shades for himself. Pff, he wanted nothing else anyway, why are you looking at him so surprised?

- He still gets the sticky fingers when he sees something he could sell to make money, but more often than not he placed it back after thinking about how you would not like him stealing and getting in trouble again.

- The Avatar of Greed is still well...greedy. But it changes. Mammon feels so fuzzy inside when you're happy, laughing, reaching out towards him. He finally noticed how much more he wants of this. No amount of grimm could outshine your smile when you look at him. You filled the emptiness he tried to stuff with grimm, clothes and jewelry.

- He hugged you close one night, not knowing you were still awake. You had been watching a movie together and decided that you would be sleeping here, to tired to go back to your room.

- He whispers quietly in your hair while pulling you even closer to his chest. “Ya are the biggest tressure I ever held...”

 Leviathan

-absolutly oblivious to it. Like, this man does not notice at all.

- It also took a long time. His envy isn’t just jealousy. It is self-deprecation. It is comparing himself to anyone else and always comming to the conclusion that the other person is better.

- It only started when he accepted (for the most part) that you truly were his friend. That you didn’t secretly were planning a long-term joke on him.

- He had been ranting about a new fascination of his for a while now, while you were watching him being so in his element. He looked... happy maybe even a little confident? When he noticed how long he had been talking again he apologized but he didn’t look ashamed like he usually looked. More bashfull, but still smiling. And it didn’t take much convincing to have him continue.

- It was a lot of these little things. But more and more his envy lost it’s sharp edge that used to stab him in the back everytime he so much as thought about being proud of something he achived.

- You helped him becomming more at ease with himself. Your presence reminded him about all the things that were good in this life. Things others didn’t have.

- He realised this when he was complaining about how unfair something was when he looked at you. Patiently sitting there and holding his hand. With this loving look in your eyes.

- The widest smile you’ve ever seen from him streched across his face, lighting up his eyes and he squeezed your hand.

- “What am I doing? How could I complain about something so trivial when I have you by my side?”

- Cue both of you blushing and looking surprised. You couldn’t help but laugh a little when he hid his face in your shoulder when you hugged him. A blushing, blabbering mess

- He may be making progress but he would always be your Levi.

- There will be time where he falls back into his old harmfull thoughts but he knows you will be there to hold his hand. Just like Henry does for the Lord of Shadows!

 Satan

-He caught on the quickest and welcomed it the slowest.

- Every since you moved in with them he felt weird when you were in the room. Probably because he was so sensitive. Satan picked up on everything in a room, so every little thing could set him off if he hadn’t learned how to quickly escape and rage in the safety of his room.

- But the more time he spend in a room, close to you, the calmer his mind became. He still picked up on everything but when he glanced at you, or when you softly touched his hand because you noticed his eyes tighten a little, a wave of calm washed over him.

- He did not trust it. At all. Were you influencing him with magic? Were you doing it on purpose? But if you were so powerful that you could calm the Avatar of Wrath with a single touch why were you always so close to dying??

- As usual for Satan he spend days researching, trying to find anything. Without success.

- He barged into your room, agitated by the lack of success. Satan had nearly kicked your door open. And froze when he saw you.

- You were laying your back, your legs streched out and propped up on the wall. Your D.D.D making contact with your face when he had barged in. He couldn’d help but to laugh a little. His previous anger forgotten

- Calmly he closed the door and joining you on the bed, where you had just set up and were rubbing your forehead. “The fuck, Satan?”

- He smiled softly, taking your hand in his so he could give the red spot on your forehead a little peck. “Let me make it better.”

- Maybe it wasn’t so important why and how. You calmed his wrath finally making place for something else.

- When his brothers catched on they would practially dump you on top of Satan whenever he worked himself into a rage. Works like a charm.

-He never said anything to you, but you knew. The look in his eyes told you everything.

 Asmodeus

-For him the transission was so smothly he didn’t notices it for a while. He started complimenting you, without complimenting himself while doing it. He didn’t praise his outer beauty with nearly every single breath anymore. Still alot (Have you seen him?) but less desperatly. Asmo forgot to post his morning selfies twice in a row because he lazed around in bed with you.

- It irretated him to no end for weeks now. Something felt off and he had no clue what it was. It was driving him absolutly insane and his brothers were acting like they knew why, but noone would tell him anything!

- It was the third week now he didn’t feel like going partying to get praised, get eye-fucked by every passing person...

- Instead you two were in his room, wearing soft pjs and laying on his bed, shoulders pressed together

- You had grapped his hand while talking, gestureing wildly exited about something.

- It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy you talking, or wasn’t interessted but he was to mesmerised by your face, eyes shining with joy.

- Suddenly it just...clicked.

- “It’s you...!”

- He was sitting up, pulling you up with him. You rearly witnessed the Avatar of Lust looking at you so...seriously.

- “Asmo...is everything alright? Did I-“

- He had pulled you on his lap, arm tight around you, just holding you as close as possibly to him. You were all he ever wanted but tried so hard to deny. You loved him. Not the Avatar of Lust, but him!

- “I...I love you more than I love myself.”

-You calmed his desprate desire to be loved. To be seen.

 Beelzebub

-It started after you made the pact with him, probably because you were spending more time with him now.

- probably the most noticable change out of the brothers.

- It also started of slow. A few less snacks in between classes, not 12 plates of food at breakfeast but 10

- The brothers noticed immediatly but he brushed it off. He was feeling fine. Better than fine actually. Beely felt this warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach. Smiling happily he took another bite, enjoying the taste more than usually before gulfing down more.

- The first time you two fell asleep in a bed together, you had made yourself comftable on top of him, he gently brushed some strands of hair out of your face. You had fallen asleep ontop of him. He was kind of hungry but you looked so blissfully happy...

- In the end he fell asleep, too. And he sleept through the night.

- Imagine his shock when he woke up before you, now really feeling hungry expecting it to be around midnight, as usual, but instead it was time for breakfest... When was the last time he didn’t get up in the night to eat?

- He is still eating an absolutly ungodly amount of food but he doesn’t feel like he is starving nearly every seconds of the day anymore. When he realised it was because of you, he picked you up in a bear-hug. Just holding you close and pressing his face into your neck. You swear you feel your neck getting a bit wet...

- “Thank you...Thank you so much...”

 Belphegor

-after being freed from the attic he finally joined the ‘normal’ life in the House of Lamentation again

- the others had already spend a lot of time with you. So they figured it out by now already but they agreed not to tell Belphie for two reasons:

- 1. Nobody wanted him to be dissapointed should it turn out that it doesn’t happen for him.

- 2. They wanted it to be a surprise should it work.

- Belphie felt insecure for a while since all his brothers were already so close to you and he well... He wasn’t exactly starting of a clean plate here...

- So he occupied your time a lot for a while

- He didn’t notices his brothers small changes for that reason

- It started off by being more awake around you when you two had cuddle & nap sessions together. He shrugged it of to just wanting to get to know you more.

- Your presence made him being able to be awake for longer periods of time in the beginning, then when you forced him to participate in activities with Beel and you his energy didn’t drain as quickly as he was used to. When he slept, he didn’t sleep quiet as long but felt so much better after waking up.

- It made him suspicious. So he started watching his brothers more.

- After two month he confronted you at breakfeast.

- “What are you doing to me?” Okay, rude...

- Why were his brothers ginning so stupidly?

- After you spend a while explaining what you and the others figured out he leaned back, taken aback. A soft smile taking over his lips that he could not surpress fast enough.

- Later that night he made himself comtable on top of you, his head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. He didn’t know what to do, but your lovingly petting his hair made him realise he didn’t need to.

- He still sleeps a lot, often and in the weirdest places, he will always be the Avatar of Sloth but this might not be so bad after all.

__________________________________________________________

Please reblog and like if you liked this! I would love to know what you think of this, so consider leaving a comment. This is my first try on HC for anything :3 My requests are open!

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me shall we date #obey me! #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #asmo #obey me! shall we date? #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me hc #obey me reader insert #obey me sfw #obey me fluff

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 4]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; masturbation, usage of toys, dirty talkin’, a bit of a filler chapter after last weeks hehe🍒 as always, thank you again for your continued support for cherry bomb 🥺💕 I'm actually not sure if next week’s chapter will go up on time due to my work schedule for next week but I'll be sure to keep y’all updated! if anything it’ll probably go up on saturday instead of friday... 😭😭 But anyway, have a good weekend yall! 💕💕💕 stay hydrated!! 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - ?

The weekend ends quicker than Seungcheol even notices and while he wakes up Monday morning already thinking about you and your show later in the evening; his face falters when he reads the message on your cam homepage.

‘Sorry everyone :( I think I caught a cold so I won’t be doing a show tonight… I promise I’ll make it up to you on Friday! In the meantime, I’ve uploaded some new pics in our members only room~ I hope it’ll tide you all over ‘til then! xx Cherry 🍒 ’

His first reaction is to immediately panic; reaching for his phone and texting you to get as much rest and sleep as possible. He makes a mental note to check in with you again later, finding that he’s already running late to get to work when he gets out of bed.

“Hey! Seungcheol-hyung!”

The said male turns around, placing the set of roller skates on the ground. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Jeongguk sits next to him on the wooden bench, legs stretched out as he passes Seungcheol an energy drink. “Nothin’, just wanted to say thanks for coming over on Saturday! We should try to do that again, except maybe we can go out for drinks or something? We can give it the good ‘ol college try, maybe bring home a girl, if you know what I mean~” Jeongguk wiggles his eyebrows at Seungcheol who rolls his eyes.

“Uh, I’m down for the drinking part but I think I’ll have to pass on the hookups.”

“Really? Why? Are you dating someone and you haven’t told me?”

Seungcheol thanks the gods that the roller rink is dimmed; neon lights and disco balls the only things keeping the entire place dimly lit when he blushes a deep crimson, face hot as he avoids the younger male’s gaze. “Nah, it’s just, I--I don’t think that’s really for me. I’m more of a, uh, relationship type of guy, y’know?” Also, I’m devoting my time and energy to someone already who isn’t really my girlfriend.

“Mm, makes sense!”

Jeongguk keeps Seungcheol company even on his break, the two chatting about various topics before he lets Seungcheol know his break is almost over.

“Hey, wait! Before you go…” Seungcheol is nervous for some reason, fingers gripping the suede of the rollerskate’s boot as he avoids eye contact again. “Um, this is gonna sound really weird but… Who’s ‘j__min’? I feel like I’ve seen that username before and it’s, uh, I’m just curious how you know them? Sorry if that’s weird, I just--I’ve been seeing them around pretty often.”

“Oh, that’s Jimin-hyung. He’s a friend of mine that games with me sometimes! I’ve never really met the dude in person before, but he seems nice.” Jeongguk nods, staring off into space. “He seems really busy all the time too. And he’s super active on social media, that’s probably where you’ve seen him.”

Seungcheol nods; the guy didn’t seem like any sort of immediate threat so he logs the information mentally for now. He’d just have to do some internet sleuthing himself when he got home.

“Oh, cool, okay! Thanks ‘Guk!” 

Seungcheol groans after the seventh pair of skates he’s cleaned, standing up to stretch and reach for his phone in his pocket. He checks the notifications, noting that you hadn’t texted back or read his messages yet.

A frown paints his features knowing that you were sick, but he makes another mental note to finally buy you that sybian now that his most recent paycheck had come in with it’s overtime bonuses. There were only a few more days until Namjoon came back which meant his extra pays would be over, a sad sigh escaping his lips at the thought. 

The day gruels on; Mondays were always the slowest days for the roller rink which meant Seungcheol spent most of the time cleaning skates and bumming snacks from the concession stand usually. He tries to not pry deeper into Jeongguk’s friends but the curiosity eats him alive so he makes an effort to stay away from the younger male for the rest of the day, this time.

Instead, he spends the day hiding in the employee break room any time he gets; only leaving when Yoongi decides to hide in there himself.

Your head feels like it’s going to spin off of your shoulders once you sit up in bed. The sun sits low in the horizon from what you can see through your bedroom window; noting that it must’ve been the late afternoon already.

You’d woken up with chills, head fuzzy when you’d sat up earlier in the morning. Knowing that you were at least somewhat sick, you quickly wrote up a little memo on your homepage letting your viewers know that there wouldn’t be a show later in the evening. Afterwards, you had quickly downed medicine before curling up under your sheets and going back to sleep. You’d vaguely been aware of your phone ringing on the nightstand next to your bed, but you prioritized sleeping instead, knowing that you had to get better before the weekend came.

You groan once you ease yourself off of your bed, dragging your feet as you make your way to the bathroom in hopes of a warm bath to make yourself feel better.

It’s almost 5PM which means it’s almost time for Seungcheol to finally go home. He checks his phone one more time before he pockets the device, putting away the last few pairs of rollerskates before he starts making his way towards the backroom. 

“Hey! ‘Cheol-hyung, can you come over here!?” Jeongguk yells over the music, arms waving him down frantically before he clocks out.

Seungcheol walks over, noting an unknown male standing with him. “Yes? Did you need help?”

“This guy, sorry I forgot your name?” The male laughs, eyes forming crescents when he smiles brightly at Jeongguk. “It’s Seokmin.”

“Right, right. Seokmin is asking if we’re hiring?” Jeongguk ends with a head tilt, unsure of the answer himself.

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek. Technically yes, they were understaffed even with Namjoon around. But Namjoon was also technically the one in charge of overseeing hiring positions. And while they technically should’ve hired more staff, that also meant Seungcheol’s overtime bonuses would be cut anytime they actually had the appropriate amount of staff.

“Uhhhh… I--I don’t think so? I’m not the one in charge. Our manager that decides staff and hiring positions is out of town indefinitely so…” Seungcheol trails off, hoping Seokmin gets the hint.

“Ahh… Should I come back another time then?” Seungcheol nods, frowning slightly. “Sorry ‘bout that man. But hey, why don’t you leave your contact info so we can call you? So you don’t have to keep coming back.”

Seokmin nods, beaming at the older male.

“Sure, that’d be great! Thanks!”

Seungcheol only feels slightly bad when he gets home that night, praying karma doesn’t kick his ass later for lying.

On days when you cancel your show are the days Seungcheol realizes he needs more hobbies than watching your cam shows and gaming all night.

Not that it’s a bad thing, he thinks, just that he could supplement his life with more.

He places an order for a few cookbooks alongside the order for the sybian, soft chuckles spilling from his lips when he realizes what an odd array of things he’s ordered.

Seungcheol manages to fill his night with meaningless tasks; finally cleaning his PC and settling in to watch a movie while he polishes off an entire pizza. He checks his phone a few more times, noting no new messages and he wonders if you’re really okay. A lightbulb goes off in his head, power walking back to his PC as he opens a new browser.

He bites his lip, typing in ‘j__min’ in the search bar to see what comes up. By nature, the username is unfortunately a lot more common than he anticipates and he ends up rifling through a lot of dead ends before he comes upon the profile on the same camming website you used and an instagram that seemed to be updated fairly regularly.

“Let’s see…”

Your body feels hot all over. Pin pricks on your fingertips as a bead of sweat trickles down your temple.

Now, you didn’t feel sick, you just felt incredibly insatiable. Again.

You weren’t sure if it was because your body had adjusted to a certain schedule, but you can’t help the way you toss and turn in bed; thighs rubbing together in hopes of alleviating the growing wetness between them.

Checking the clock, you note it’s already 10PM, close to when you’d normally be doing your show. You sigh, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. You immediately notice a few text messages from Seungcheol; frowning when you notice the text messages were from the morning.

cheollie ✨: hey, baby :( saw your note, i hope you’re okay.

cheollie ✨: make sure to drink a lot of water and take medicine!

cheollie ✨: don’t push yourself too hard either okay?

The messages end there and you pout, unsure what to even say now that it had been hours since he’d texted.

babygirl 🍒 : cheollie… i only saw ur msgs now 🥺

babygirl 🍒 : im sorryyyyy i was sleeping so long but i feel better now!!

Seungcheol closes all his browser tabs before he realizes it, a smile on his face when he sees you’ve responded.

‘That’s okay, I’m just glad you’re okay and feeling better. Promise me you drank tons of water?’

He feels giddy, palms sweaty as he grips his phone.

babygirl: mmhmm! i did… i don’t even feel sick anymore 🥺 but…

babygirl: dunno… i’m feeling needy again… i think my body is used to my usual schedule...

Seungcheol’s body thrums with newfound energy and arousal at your leading comments. He’s unsure of what to say next, fearing he was going to say too much. But his phone pings again, eyes quickly flitting over your messages.

babygirl 🍒 : if ur busy its okay but

babygirl 🍒 : do u think we could cam? just u and me?

babygirl 🍒 : only if ur free tho!!

His fingers are tingling when he sends his reply, making it short and sweet before he places his phone down and makes sure his PC is running smoothly.

‘Of course, you know I’m always here when you need me. :)’

It takes a few minutes for you and Seungcheol to set up your respective spaces and in the meantime, you grab your laptop, propping it open on the bed next to you as you lay in front of it. You had debated on using your better camera which you used for camming, but you didn’t want it to be set up like a cam show.

Instead, you wanted a more intimate and casual video call with Seungcheol, so you made sure your webcam worked fine as you placed it on the sheets.

‘Video Call Incoming…’

You can’t help the blush that coats your skin nor the lust that fills your body as soon as you accept his call; his somewhat blurry figure coming into view.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Seungcheol beams at you through the grainy camera and you already feel yourself clenching around emptiness, words caught in your throat at how handsome he was and how truly enticing his voice was. “H-hi!” Rubbing your thighs together, you peer at the camera shyly. “I--wow, the pictures really… You’re so much more handsome on v-video.” You giggle slightly, leaning in closer to your laptop to get a better view of the silvery-blue haired male.

Seungcheol’s deep laugh filters through the speakers and your toes curl against the sheets.

“You should see me in person, maybe I’ll look even better then.”

You don’t deny that one bit; your own hands already itching to touch yourself. “Oh? Is that an invitation~?”

Seungcheol’s eyes pierce the camera, licking his own lips as you watch him  snake a hand down into his sweats.

“If you want it to be, sweetheart. But tell me about you, how are you feeling? Have you eaten already?”

Gulping, you watch as his hand seems to work slowly and out of view. “I--um, I feel b-better just… Dunno, guess my body’s just used to, um, y’know… A-and I haven’t really had much of an appetite...” You trail off, head still fuzzy from the cold medicines and now, Seungcheol.

In a roundabout way, it almost feels like you’re watching him do a show for you as you watch him slowly get off.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, baby. But you know you should try to eat, okay? I don’t want you to get even sicker.” You nod, fingertips already at the edge of your sleep shorts. 

“I--c-can I touch myself too?” Seungcheol laughs lightly, nodding as he tilts his head back. “Of course, you don’t need to ask me for permission, baby.”

You grin at him, sitting up as you reposition the laptop. Your hand slides underneath a pillow, grabbing the small bullet vibrator you kept there. “Do you always keep a toy handy?” His voice is airy, teasing in the way he asks.

“Mmhmm~ You never know when you’ll need it~” You sing-song, shimmying your sleep shorts and panties off before you spread your legs in front of the camera.

The air gets knocked out of Seungcheol the second you spread your legs for him and him alone and he can’t help but imagine all the things he wanted to do with you. He watches as you tease yourself, fingertips only grazing across the areas he knew you wanted to be touched the most. 

“I can’t wait for us to finally fuckin’ meet.” He grits out.

A moan floats through the speakers of Seungcheol’s gaming PC, your saccharine voice music to his ears. “M-me too, wanna know what you’d do to me~” You giggle afterwards, pressing the vibrator to your clit as you spread your legs wider for him to see. Seungcheol’s hand around his cock tightens as he watches, an appreciative smirk on his face.

“Oh sweetheart, what wouldn’t I do to you.” You can’t help but slide your fingers through your wet folds listening to Seungcheol’s voice, whimpering when you finally slide a finger in. “Yeah? What would be the first thing? Tell me, ‘Cheollie~”

Even through the webcam quality, you can see the way Seungcheol’s eyes glaze over in complete pleasure. He licks his lips once, leaning in close so that you can hear him clearly.

“I know you probably think I’d get straight to the filthy shit, huh? Pin you to your bed and fuck you until you forget your own name or tie you up to the bedposts and make you beg for me to fuck you. But I wouldn’t. Because I wanna worship your fuckin’ body. I’d take it nice and slow with you, give you as many orgasms as you want.”

“F-fuck, Seungcheol, I–”

“You could use me for your pleasure, y’know? You deserve it. You’re such a good girl. I’d give you anything you fuckin’ want if you’d let me.”

Your choked moans have Seungcheol working his cock faster; nothing on his mind except for you and his impending orgasm. “Oh g-god, Seungcheol, I--fuck, yes, I want that~ I want you to--to make me cum as many times as I w-want!” You mewl, easily working in another finger as you pump the digits inside your pussy.

He smirks when he sees your grip on the vibrator loosening, knowing that you were already too lost in the pleasure to keep the toy on. “And I’d let you. Maybe I’d make you cum on my tongue first. Or would you want my fingers?”

“B-both! Puh--please…” You whine, legs threatening to clamp shut. You curl and scissor your fingers, thrusting them knuckle deep inside yourself as you chase the pleasure that overtakes your senses. “Please, ‘Cheol, tell me more~”

You watch through the camera as Seungcheol pushes his sweats down enough to get his cock into view; mouth watering as you watch it curve up to his lower abdomen.

“I know how much you love being doted on and being taken care of… So after I make you cum all fuckin’ night, you know I’d take care of you. Make sure you’re comfortable and cuddle with you when you’re tired.” His hips cant up into his closed palm, a soft groan on his lips. “And then when we wake up, I’ll eat you out. Nice and slow so you know it’d be worth it.” 

Seungcheol smirks, smearing the precum all over his shaft. “But I also know you like it rough and you like being punished like a bad girl. You like the idea of being tied up and teased and being fucked nice and hard too. I could take it nice and slow, build up the pleasure for you. Or I can take it nice and slow and tease you, I’d make you sit on my cock ‘n make you wait for it ‘til you’re begging me. Or maybe you would want an audience? Let them see you fall apart on my cock when you’re desperate to cum.” 

You press the vibrator against your clit again, Seungcheol’s name falling out of your mouth in a blubbering mess. “Oh--I--!!”

Your legs clamp shut, fingers halting their movements as you cum hard around your fingers. Seungcheol watches as your legs shake, his own hand running up and down his cock in quick motions as he chases his high too. You vaguely hear him groaning your name; the ringing in your ears overbearing as your orgasm continues to wash over you.

The sound of your quick and shallow breaths mix with Seungcheol’s over the speakers as the two of you catch your breath. You slip your fingers from inside of you, wincing when you turn off the toy and toss it to the side.

“Fuck, baby, I--”

“Y-yeah…” You quietly lick your fingers clean, knowing that Seungcheol’s watching. “I… that was the first time I… did that with s-someone…” You giggle tiredly, wiping the rest of your sticky fingers on your shirt.

“Really? Never?” Seungcheol’s surprised expression makes you giggle; his eyes round and mouth wide open as he leans closer to his webcam.

“Mmhmm! Just, y’know, it’s--it’s hard to get close to people sometimes…”

You had mentioned it off-handedly once while the two of you had been texting, that most of the dates you’d been on hated the fact that you cammed. There was always a possessive aura that was present and while Seungcheol would sometimes get a little jealous himself, he also knew it was your livelihood and how you supported yourself.

“Ah, yeah, I can understand.”

The two of you sit in a content silence, Seungcheol reaching for a few tissues to clean off the drying cum on his abdomen.

“Hey, ‘Cheol?”

“Yeah?” He peers up at the camera through his lashes, blinking rapidly as he watches you lay back down in front of your laptop.

“About what you said… earlier…” You pause, shyness overtaking once again. “I--Would you want to meet up? Like, for real? I mean--not--not like tomorrow or something but... Y’know, we can start planning?” 

Any words that come after that turn into radio static in Seungcheol’s head and he can feel his pupils shaking, nervousness already bubbling up inside of him at the prospect of actually finally maybe getting to meet you. 

“Seungcheol? ‘Cheollie? You okay?” 

Fuck.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah! I’m cool, I’m good, sorry, that--that caught me off guard.”

He watches as you talk animatedly, mind already going a mile a minute as he thinks over everything that needed to be done before then. 

“I’m really excited to meet you, ‘Cheollie!” 

#cherrybomb!cheol #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #svt scenarios #svt imagines #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #scoups imagines #seungcheol imagines #scoups scenarios #seungcheol scenarios #scoups #seungcheol

[indietfocus]

5 Steps that will help to reduce belly fat and loss weight faster than ever.

If you're imposing massive restrictions on your diet and avoiding all your favorite foods just to lose some weight chances, are you're probably not going to stick to that plan for very long, and after over 12 years of working hands-on with people looking to lose weight both at my gyms in New Jersey and online. I found at the fastest way for people to lose weight is to take simple steps that are sustainable and the slowest way to lose weight is by going through the yo-yo dieting cycle. Where you lose the weight and then you regain it over and over again. And when people go through that cycle, it truly doesn't matter how fast you originally lost the weight. Because even if you lose 30 lb in a month with a restrictive no-carb diet. But you regain all of it the next month at the end of the month to you just lost nothing.

So the five simple methods that I'm about to go over are not going to be magical quick fixes or revolutionary breakthroughs and fat loss by any means.

But what I can tell you from experience that comes from actually working with real people is, if you implement these simple changes you will lose weight faster and it won't be as much of a day-to-day grind to do so which will allow you to keep the weight off.

So step number one:

Is to not be overly restrictive with your diet or at least not for too long. Now, why is this so important? why is this the very first step? well, your mind is one of the hardest things to control. Following a restricted plan can indeed be beneficial to beginning to break some bad eating habits reducing cravings for things like sugar and seeing some quick results. So that you feel motivated to want to keep going. However, this is so important guys if you don't switch away from that restrictive mindset you're setting yourself up for a binge.

If you love pastries and ice cream and chips and pasta and you tell yourself that I'm never eating any of these things again. All you'll be able to think about are those very things that you're restricting and you'll be thinking about them 10 times more than ever before. This is just how the mind works. When we're not allowed to do something that we want it becomes a battle. And I'm not saying that you can't win this battle for some time but if you try this restrictive approach for too long you're going to have at least one bad day and you're gonna binge. And by the time you get that bench under control you're going to be back to square one.

I’ve seen this over and over again. So for most people that aren't getting ready for a competition 4 to 6 weeks is the maximum amount of time that you want to be restricted for, and really you don't even have to be restricted at all.

You don't have to count every last one of your calories and you don't have to go to bed every night dying from Hunger.

So how does that work? how do you lose weight without the typical restrictive route?

Well, this is where Step 2 comes into play....

Step 2

And again guys this is very important to satisfy your hunger before satisfying your cravings. When you get hungry your mind will immediately wander off to thinking about foods that are Very calorically dense and easily accessible like donuts, ice cream, and potato chips.  When food has a high caloric density it just means that it has a lot of calories for its size. Or in other words for the amount of space that it'll ultimately take up in your stomach. For example, 1 cup of spinach only has seven Cal. Meanwhile, one cup of Eminem's has over 1,000 calories.

Which one do you think you're more likely to crave when you get hungry? This is why I crash diets that don't routinely satisfy your hunger. Usually, end in a giant bin session that includes tons of sweet and fattening processed foods based on how we evolved. It makes sense that we're wired to crave foods that are high in sugar and fats. Because those foods provide a quick large amount of calories all in a compact size. And before we had supermarkets modern Agriculture and refrigerators it was important to take in enough calories to refill your fat stores. Because there was no guarantee of easy access to food at all times. but the problem is that nowadays we have access to food 24/7. Continue Reading

#diet #health #fitness #exercice #food #weight loss #reduce belly fat

[noonachronicles]

flour·ish

Lee Minhyuk X Reader

Word count: 11.9k

Warnings: Swearing, Smut, Mostly Emotional Infidelity (+ a kiss) . 

Genre: Smut Fluff Angsty-ish

A/N: Smutty/Domestic Minhyuk requested by Anon. This was gonna just be a drabble... that worked out well for me.

flour·ish

/ˈfləriSH/

verb

grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly favorable environment.

“Last box!” Minhyuk called triumphantly through the empty apartment, dropping the final box on the counter. “Babe?”

A wave of confusion moved over him as he realized you weren’t there. Forehead creased in concentration he tried to remember if he’d seen you in the bedroom. It was literally a one bedroom, the apartment wasn’t even that big. It should have been impossible for you to have moved passed him without him noticing...at least he was pretty sure he wasn’t that unobservant. He looked back through the apartment once more, flabbergasted by his ability to lose you in an empty apartment. Obviously it was some sort of an untapped talent. He was just about to pull out his phone to call you, see if you’d maybe gone down to the moving van, when he realized where you were.

“Hey!” He popped his head out of the window that led to the tiny three by five fire escape space that the apartment complex had the audacity to call a balcony in their advertisements. “What are you doing out here?”

“Just saying goodbye.” You smiled down at him as he climbed through the window to join you in the tight space. “Plus we almost forgot Cole!”

Minhyuk let out a dramatic gasp as he wrapped his arms around you. “Not Cole!”

“Don’t make fun of me, Minnie.” You said leaning your head back against his shoulder. “Cole was the first gift you ever gave me.”

He hummed against the top of your head and looked down at the vibrant, potted coleus. “I guess it was, wasn’t it?”

“Mmhm. And this is where I fell in love with you.”

“Technically, wasn’t it the roof?” he joked.

“The roof. The balcony. The elevator. The mailboxes. Miserable as it is, I fell in love with you all over this place.”

“Lucky for me.” He whispered softly against your ear. You bit your lip as he slid his hand from your hip over your stomach.

“And what is happening here…” you asked, his fingers undoing the button on your shorts.

“Just…” he chuckled, “I was thinking maybe one more time? Hmm? For old times sake.”

“Why don’t we wait until we get home?” You giggled at the way his fingers tickled between your thighs. “Christen the new bedroom…”

“Why not both?” He asked while his hand disappeared completely down the front of your shorts.

You let out the tiniest whimper, your hand wrapped around the hand he still kept on your hip. “I love you so much, Minhyuk.”

“I love you too.” He said with a kiss to your neck. “It’s why I married you.”

-

When you first met Minhyuk you were already in a relationship. You were engaged, actually. You had been. To the same man. For three years. You loved Matt, your fiancé, but sometimes it felt like an obligation. Like you had to or you were supposed to. You’d known each other since grade school and started dating in high school. Marriage was the next natural step. Everyone you knew believed the two of you were the real deal. The perfect love story. Childhood friends turned high school sweethearts. You often heard you were meant for each other. That you were destined for forever, but you weren’t sure anymore. You hadn’t been for a while by the time you met Minhyuk. When you finally did meet him, you knew for certain.

It had been easy to overlook the imperfections in your relationship originally because, despite the amount of years you had under your belt, you didn’t actually spend that much time together. In high school Matt played sports while you had spent your time in libraries and coffee shops composing submissions for writing competitions. The two of you had even gone to different colleges. Though they were in the same city, with coursework and jobs to work around, you might as well have been in a long distance relationship. You didn’t even live together, he’d lived on campus and you’d spent a couple years in an apartment with your best friend. After graduation when he finally asked you to move in with him, you still barely saw one another.  

Right out of the gate you got something of a dream job as a columnist for one of the few successful remaining print magazines. One you’d been lucky enough to intern for during college. Though recently they had been making the switch to mostly online and pushing writers to work from home so they could downsize the office. You didn’t mind working from home to downsize the office so long as they didn’t try to downsize you. It was an easy job and paid well enough that you lived comfortably and still had the time to work on your own personal writing endeavors.

Matt had been a consultant for tech companies which meant he was always traveling. Even with you working from home the two of you saw each other maybe one week out of every month. Without having the human interaction of the work office, you were often lonely when he wasn’t around. In that way, distance definitely made the heart grow fonder. You learned the hard way that that kind of fondness was feeble when he’d been fired from his position. The pair of you went from one week a month together to every second of every day together and it was more trying that you’d have liked to admit.

Suddenly you were the sole breadwinner and Matt took the opportunity to, as he put it, find his true calling. However a month of soul searching turned into six and six months quickly became a year. The wedding was postponed indefinitely when the two of you blew through every pennies worth of savings including the wedding fund and the nest egg. Before you knew it you were moving from the four bedroom house you’d been renting to a one bedroom apartment with ‘free utilities’.

That was about the time Minhyuk had rooted into your life.

Tensions in your relationship were unbearably high. Constantly on edge with stress, Matt and you fought often and about almost everything. Especially being in such a small space. It was like everything he did wrong was magnified and it made your skin crawl. Being with him had become more of a burden than a pleasure but somehow you’d been together for so long that simply splitting up just never crossed your mind as a possibility. It was like you’d forgotten that it’s what some couples did.

One afternoon, a couple weeks after you moved into the new place, the two of you had gone to the grocery store. You’d just wanted to get a few things to last until the end of week when you got paid but Matt had other plans. Which lead to bickering, which lead to arguing, which lead to fighting the entire walk home from the bodega down the street.

“I just thought it might be nice to have a romantic night in. Since you refuse to let us go out anymore…” he was saying while you waited for the world's slowest elevator.

You’d been searching the bottom of your purse for your keys when it dinged upon opening and you followed him in. When the door closed in front of you, you slammed the button for your floor. “We can’t go out because we can’t afford it! And a romantic night in isn’t an eighty dollar bottle of tequila and a box of cigars out of some guy's coat on the sidewalk!”

“You said you were going to stop bringing money up when we argued.”

“And you said you were going to get a job.” You bit back, “People say things all the time, Matt.”

“I’m trying! It’s not easy right now!”

“It would be easier if you didn’t sleep until two in the afternoon everyday.” You muttered. With your keys in hand you crossed your arms over your chest and stared at the elevator door.

“Why are you so mad? You’re always out on the balcony. We never talk. I just wanted one, nice night with you. One where we don’t fight. Maybe you get a little buzzed and loosen up a little and for once stop acting like you're miserable and we have a good time. I can’t even remember the last time we had sex. You never want to spend time together-“

“BECAUSE!” You snapped, unable to even look at him, you kept your eyes on the dull silver of the elevator door. “because Matt, our apartment is a fucking shoebox with a hundred other little boxes inside of it because you refuse to help me unpack or clean or literally do anything helpful. Not to mention I work from home and ever since you lost your job you’re always around. We spend all of our time together. It’s making me insane. Every little thing you do makes me want to tear out my hair. You leave the seat up on the toilet, you can’t rinse a dirty dish off to save your fucking life. You never leave the house and yet every single day there is a new pile of dirty clothes where it doesn’t belong! I don’t mind...I really don’t, I don’t mind being the breadwinner, but I just need space sometimes. Or help. Something. I love you but it’s so much. I’m so stressed all the time and it would be nice if you could even attempt to shoulder some of the burden. Or at least acknowledge what I do for you. And don’t try and act like you want to spend time together when all you want is an hour long blow job while you play Call of Duty and a five minute fuck before you fall asleep and I have to finish myself off in the bathroom.”

“Do you have a fiancé?” Matt asked.

Confused, you turned to look at him and quickly realized he wasn’t talking to you. Noticing for the first time that your incredibly quiet neighbor was tucked awkwardly in the corner of the elevator and had heard everything. He must have walked in with you when you were searching your bag. Your face flushed red in embarrassment for having gone off in front of him. Suddenly you were going back over your rant to try and remember what you said. Though based entirely off of what you ended with, you knew you wanted to curl up and die no matter what.

“No, I’m not with anyone right now.” He answered.

“Good. Good for you, man.” Matt sighed. “Don’t do it. Save yourself the stress. It’s just nagging all the time.”

You looked over at your fiancé in disbelief and scoffed. “Nice, Matt. That’s really nice.”

Finally the elevator ride from hell ended and the door opened, allowing you to storm out and down the hall in frustration. When you turned to look at Matt, about to complain about his actions in the elevator, you realized the stranger had gotten out too and was now opening the door to the apartment next to you. Before pushing his way inside of his door he looked over at you with a small smile filled with pity. You gulped, face still burning red in combination of anger and embarrassment. What a lovely way to meet your new neighbor.

-

Weeks had passed and you hadn’t seen your neighbor since the incredibly uncomfortable elevator ride. At first you were grateful for it, and honestly you’d been kind of avoiding him anyway, too ashamed of airing out your dirty laundry like that. Part of you had hoped maybe the longer you went without seeing him the more likely it was he’d forget what happened all together. You knew you weren’t that lucky, but it didn’t hurt to have a positive outlook.

It was already late afternoon one day when you’d finished up your work work and snuck out onto the tiny fire escape ‘balcony’ for your few hours of alone time and to work on the novel you’d been writing. It was a tiny little space but you found if you sat with your knees up near your chest you could place your laptop on top of them like a desk. And you could tuck your mug of tea underneath your tented legs like a little nook. Some days you wouldn’t waste a second, typing away until your fingertips tingled with numbness. Writing as much as you could as fast as you could before the sun set on the city and the screen was too harsh for your eyes.

Other days, like this particular day, you’d sit there curled up on the balcony and just look out over the neighborhood for hours. You'd watch the cars make their way down the street. The people walking down on the sidewalks. Families that left their curtains open in the expensive condos across the street with their massive living rooms the size of your entire apartment. You’d listen to the dogs barking nearby that would create a domino effect of barking dogs all around the block. You could hear couples arguing. Children screaming with laughter as they chased each other around the block on their bikes and scooters.The chaos helped to calm you down.

You’d been sitting there for quite awhile, looking out over the neighborhood, before you noticed it.

Each apartment had its tiny balcony that was attached to a fire escape that lined the length of the building, top to bottom. While you used the space as your personal escape from a floundering relationship, most people just put bikes and things on it as extra storage space. Yours was attached to the same fire escape platform as your neighbors. And sitting there on the platform, for what had to have been the entire time you were sitting there, was a small terra-cotta pot that you’d never seen before. Flowing over its sides was a plant with vibrant green and magenta leaves. When you looked closer you noticed a little white envelope underneath the pot. Pulling yourself to your feet you moved over to the platform and tugged the envelope out from under the plant.

The front of the envelope was simply labeled 8C, which was your apartment number. The note inside of it was just as short and sweet in a nicely scripted handwriting.

8C,

You’re out here a lot on your own. I thought maybe you could use a friend.

8D

Ps. It’s a coleus, keep it in the shade and just water once a day. You should be good. :)

After that you started to wish you would bump into 8D, so you might have the chance to thank him properly for the gift and see if there was anything you could get for him in return. He didn’t have to be so kind but you appreciated that he was. Not even Matt would have considered being so thoughtful.

Cole, as you’d named him, had been wonderfully distracting. You spent almost the entire next day researching how to care properly for your new friend. He made your alone time on the balcony a little bit less lonely as well. Usually you would come out onto the balcony and ask him how his day was, though it was never very interesting, and then afterwards you would vent about how your morning went. Though sometimes you’d also just sit there in silence rubbing the soft, veiny leaves between your finger tips. Regardless of what you did it always felt like you could feel the stress of the day roll off your shoulders.

A week or two had passed and you still hadn’t seen your neighbor. Feeling horrible that you still hadn’t even been able to say thank you for what he’d done for you, you decided to leave him a note. Too nervous about leaving it out on his balcony you had taken it down to the mailboxes one day as you were checking your own and slid it into his box.

8D

I was hoping to say thank you. Why are you so impossible to find?

8C

The next afternoon, you went out to find a piece of paper tucked into Cole’s leaves.

8C

Can you keep a secret?

8D

In an instant you had ducked back inside the apartment. Matt, busy screaming into his headset while he played video games didn’t even notice your reentry. On your work desk you found a blank, bright pink post-it and scribbled on it with a thick black sharpie. Just one word.

Yes!

Crawling back out onto the balcony you shook with nerves. You stepped onto the fire escape platform and then down onto your neighbors balcony space. It looked dark and empty through the window. You didn’t intend to snoop, that’s not really who you were, but there you were with this perfect opportunity.

Peering in through the glass you tried to see what you could learn about your neighbor. The living area and kitchen, all you could really see, were both clean and tidy. A set of four coffee mugs were hanging on hooks, and it looked like the other dinnerware sets were in fours as well. There was nothing to indicate that a second person lived there and you had never seen anyone else go into the apartment, so you assumed he lived alone. Though you were unsure why you found yourself so concerned about it. House plants could be found on most of the counter and table spaces. As well as a couple that hung from hooks on the ceiling.

For a moment you wondered if he knew a plant would be nice for you because he knew what it was like to be lonely too. Other than plants the apartment was filled with art. In one corner, the one you imagined got the most sunlight in the morning, there were two tarp covered easels. There was also what looked to you like a drawing desk, you were sure it was similar to the ones they’d used to have at the magazine office.

You wished you could tell more about him. You’d liked to have maybe gotten an idea for a nice gift that wasn’t a plant, seeing as he already had plenty of those. Before you could do much more snooping you noticed his front door was opening, light from the hallway seeping in through the opening. Quickly and quietly as you could you stuck the note to the window and snuck back over to your balcony and then back inside your apartment for the evening.

The entire rest of the night you shook with nerves of anticipation. Mostly you wondered what the secret would be. Then you wondered if he’d write it in a note or if you’d actually get the chance to see him face to face and speak to him. A little reckless with your thoughts, you almost burnt dinner trying to think about what his voice had sounded like in the elevator. You couldn’t remember.

You also weren’t sure why you felt so nervous to possibly speak to him. It felt, in your gut, like the night before a first date. Like how you’d feel getting ready for dinner with someone you just met. Before bed you even found yourself in the closet, trying to find a cute outfit, but not anything too obviously flirty. Seeing as you were still engaged.

The next day you couldn’t even wait until you were done with work. As soon as you woke up you showered and dressed, and then went immediately out to the balcony. When you did there was a piece of paper taped down, flapping on the platform in the light breeze. When you got closer you saw it read, in bold red painted strokes, START.

Without a second thought you climbed up onto the platform where you found another paper on the stairs with a big red arrow pointing up. You started to move up the fire escape, following a slew of red arrows until you were climbing onto the roof itself.

The view took your breath away. If you thought that the number of plants in his apartment was excessive, this was so much more. You’d found an entire roof top garden. Potted plants were all over the place. All different kinds, all different colors. There was one of those stand alone hammocks and an old rusted patio table with a couple of mismatched chairs. You explored by yourself for a while, taking a self tour of the rooftop and examining the different plants it had to offer.

Minhyuk had seen you plenty of times. He noticed you from the very first day you’d moved in. There was just something about you. He knew you had a boyfriend, or as he’d learned in the elevator, a fiancé. He still couldn’t shake the strong desire to know you. Even just as a friend. It took him ages to build up the nerve to even leave you a gift, too worried you might think his hobby was stupid.

Eyes closed, a smile across your lips, loose hairs blowing gently in the wind, morning sunshine kissing your skin as you lifted your nose ever so just to smell the blooming, peach begonias in their hanging basket. That was Minhyuk’s first vision of you that morning when he’d reached the rooftop. It felt like it was the first time he was really seeing you. And if you asked him, and you would ask him a hundred times in your life together, when he fell in love with you...he would say it was that exact moment every time.

In the same way the garden had with you, you had taken his breath away. Literally, as he’d stepped onto the roof he’d forgotten to breathe as he stood there staring. So when his body forced him to breathe in, finally, he choked on the air and dropped all of his things onto the rooftop. That was what your first real vision of him was. Cheeks flush, hair every which way, eyes panicked, still choking on air, while scurrying to pick up paint brushes and pens that were scattered around on the ground at his feet in every direction.

After the tiniest laugh you hurried over to help him pick up a few lone brushes just out of his reach. He cleared his throat several times before actually reaching out to take the brushes you offered him.

“Thanks.” He said quite shyly.

You smiled kindly before looking over your shoulder at the small garden. “Are these all yours?”

He nodded as he headed over to the table to set his things down. “Yeah. The door to the roof has been jammed shut for decades, probably… and no one ever thinks to take the fire escape all the way up. Well kids sometimes but they’re not so bad. Mostly they just want to smoke pot. If you leave them alone they leave you alone and they’re respectful of the plants. So it’s kind of like having my own extra space. Which is nice because the apartments are so tiny.”

“They are, right?” You laughed, “I’m not just being whiny.”

“No.” He shook his head, “Not at all.”

“Good.”

It was cute how nervous he seemed. A good distraction from the butterflies that were waking up in your stomach as you really looked at him and realized how handsome he was. His jaw was surprisingly sharp, especially in contrast to how soft and kind his eyes were. His bottom lip was plump and looked almost like it was set in a permanent, adorable pout. His cheekbones were so beautifully sculpted it was hard not to reach out and touch them. It had been literally two whole minutes and already you wondered what it might be like to kiss him.

“Well you’re wel-“

“Thank you for-“

Both of you laughed nervously as you spoke together and he scrunched his nose, “You go ahead.”

“Oh, just wanted to thank you for Cole.”

“Cole?” He asked.

“The um…” you flushed in embarrassment, “The coleus you left me?”

Minhyuk smiled so hard he blushed almost instantly, “You named him?”

“Well yeah. He’s my friend so...friends need names, right?” You asked. He nodded and you held out your hand, “My name is y/n. In case you were interested in a friend too.”

“Minhyuk.” He said taking your hand. You didn’t even realize the way your eyebrows raised as you noticed how large his hand was while he wrapped his fingers around yours. “I was just going to say you’re welcome to come up whenever you want.”

You laughed, “You might regret that when I’m in your personal space all the time.”

“I promise, I won’t.” He grinned, finally letting your hand go. “Do you like coffee?”

“Do humans need oxygen to live?”

With another laugh he tugged the messenger bag he’d been using off his shoulder and pulled out a thermos. “Uh...there’s already cream and sugar. I hope that’s okay.”

“You’re so sweet.” You didn’t mean to blurt out the comment, but you did. Minhyuk flushed just as bad as you did. “I just mean...you’re already sharing your space with me, and now your coffee? I...I don’t mind if there’s already cream and sugar, I’m just grateful you’re being so kind.”

With a small smile he handed you the cup. “What are friends for?”

-

After that morning the two of you spent nearly every day up on the roof together, weather permitting. You’d take up your laptop for whatever articles you were working on or to work on your novel. Minhyuk would bring up his messenger bag full of art supplies and paint or draw. You learned he was a freelance illustrator for a few publishing companies. He mostly drew art for children’s books but that really just paid the bills enough for him to be able to make whatever art he really wanted.

He’d spend the afternoons, once you were done with work, teaching you about all of the types of plants he had. He showed you how to take care of each one and their individual needs. And eventually you started to help him take care of them. You also named each and everyone of them and he made sure to learn every name. Every morning he brought coffee in his thermos and something light to eat for breakfast. You went down every afternoon to the apartment and would bring back lunch for the two of you. You were up on the roof so often you hadn’t even realized when Matt finally got a job because you were never in the apartment during the day enough to realize he wasn’t there.

It was strange to you that with every single day that passed, not once did you ever feel tired of being around Minhyuk. If anything you found yourself wanting to be with him even more. You knew you were falling in love with him and you knew it was wrong. By then it was just too late. You didn’t really care that it was wrong because spending time with Minhyuk was like breathing the freshest air. And how were you supposed to deny yourself oxygen?

Eight months had passed by and they had been, by far, the happiest you’d found yourself in what felt like literal years. Your relationship with Minhyuk was constantly growing beyond the rooftop garden. Every weekend, rain or shine, he’d take you somewhere new so that you weren’t always in the apartment. A nursery outside of the city to browse plants or a museum or gallery to browse art. One thing you’d learned about him was that despite being an amazing plant father, he was terrible at taking care of himself. Every night you’d make extra for dinner and bring him a plate. Otherwise, you knew, he would get too preoccupied and forget to eat all together. On nights when Matt was at work or out of town you’d invite him for a properly done meal.  

Nearing the ninth month of your friendship came what would be one of the worst weeks of all of them. It was the one when you’d gotten the worst flu of your life. A few hours into the first morning that you were bedridden and didn’t make it up to the roof Minhyuk had texted you to make sure you were okay. After you told him you were sick he promised to take care of Cole for you and told you to get better quickly. He left you soup and a thermos with hot tea on the balcony every day. He would send you texts all day long so that you always had something to wake up to and never felt too lonely. There would be pictures of his goofy face or a pouty face next to one of the plants. The captions would read things like, “Kevin misses you, but not as much as me”, “Blossom is sort of a gossipy mean girl when you’re not around”. He even sent a picture of a blank canvas and message that just said, “I’m useless without my muse”, which just left you feeling more feverish than before.

On your first day back to the roof you hugged him so tight you were afraid you might break his back but you couldn’t help yourself. You’d also brought him fresh baked cookies for being such an amazing friend. And then you stared at him for several hours and got nearly no work done at all. He didn’t even say anything about it, though you were sure he knew based solely on the way his lip would curl into a smirk every once in a while. He just looked so handsome as he worked. Wire rimmed glasses propped on his nose as he worked on his latest sketch. His hair was so fluffy and soft, his skin perfect and lips pouty. You’d just missed him so much. Pictures that he’d sent didn’t do him half as much justice as he deserved.

For your one year friendiversary you set up fairy lights all over the rooftop garden. It was a two part gift. The first part was so that he could come up at night whenever he wanted to enjoy his plants, which he never really had before. The second was so that you could set up a moonlit picnic dinner. It was perfect timing really, as Matt was out of town for the week with work. It gave you ample time to prepare the rooftop and you didn’t even have to make up an excuse for being out so late the night of the dinner. Minhyuk was absolutely glowing with happiness beneath the lights that night as the two of you sat down on the blanket you’d put out.

“Okay, one last gift.” you grinned after dinner, “Something you can actually unwrap.”

“Another?” he asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. His hand resting on top of his too full stomach. “Do you do this much for all of your friends for all of your friendiversaries?”

“Just you.” you grabbed the long narrow package from the bottom of the picnic basket.

“Well, I don’t deserve it.” he pushed himself up so he was sitting across from you and you placed the gift in his lap. “I still owe you something nice after the Christmas present you got me.”

With a laugh you shook your head, “You don’t owe me anything, Minnie.”

He cleared his throat and looked down at the gift. You weren’t the only person that used a nickname for him, but you were the only one who could make him blush with one. Tearing the shimmery silver wrapping paper from the gift he looked down at a beautiful mahogany brush box engraved with the same whale design that he had tattooed on his thigh.

“Ah, Y/n…” he gulped, feeling his eyes start to water. “It’s too much.”

“You didn’t even open it,” you tittered.

“There’s something inside?” he asked, genuinely shocked.

“Duh!”

“Oh…” he opened the lid of the box and sat speechless. “These are Kolinsky’s.”

“Obviously, I don’t know a ton about paint brushes. I just know you have that one you really love and it said Kolinsky on it. Did I do good?”

He was still pretty unsure of how to respond, “These are worth hundreds of dollars.”

“Well...I wasn’t going to tell you how much they were.” you shrugged, “I just know your big goal this year was to be ready for a gallery showing. If you’re going to be a big fancy artist, you need big fancy brushes. Right? I’m sure you’ll get me something nice after you sell your first thousand dollar pa-”

The words froze in your throat when he leaned forward and pulled you into a hug. He didn’t say anything at first, just wrapped you tightly in his arms. Then quietly against your hair he muttered a soft, “Thank you for believing in me.”

“Oh, Minnie…” You raised your arms around him in return as you felt his arms trembling around you. “Of course.”

Your hand moved gently along the length of his back for a few minutes and he continued to hold you. When he sat back down on the blanket he swiped at his face and then turned behind him to where he’d been keeping his gift for you.

“I have to get you something else now... obviously, but for now.” He handed you the large, but lightweight, gift. “Happy anniversary...friendiversary.”

“You don’t have to get me anything else.” You assured him, “Whatever this is, I can already tell you, is more than enough.”

It was a little unsurprising to you when you pulled away the wrapping paper to reveal the back of a canvas. The note on the back, in his beautiful handwriting, read, ‘For the only muse I’ve ever known. I hope we can continue to grow together.’ You didn’t know when you flipped it over that the image was of the moment he’d fallen in love with you. At first you’d thought it was an angel in a field of peach begonias. It didn’t register that it was you, hand delicately cupping the flowers with the sun dancing across your face and gently, wind strewn hair. You cried and you didn’t even try to hide it.  

“She’s beautiful.” you whispered, unable to tear your eyes away.

“She?” he grinned as he watched you, “It’s you.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise and you choked out, “Me?”

“I painted it when you were sick.” He said nervously watching you look it over.

“I don’t think I've ever looked this ethereal a day in my life. You’re sure you hadn’t already forgotten what I looked like at that point?” You joked but your eyes were still glistening with fresh tears.

“I could never forget.”

When you looked back up from the painting you realized how close he actually was. He realized it too. You watched as he licked his lips, and leaned forward towards your mouth.

“Minhyuk…” you said his name cautiously, though you didn’t say no or move away.

“Please?” He begged, his face looked so pained, “I want just once to know what it would feel like if you were mine.”

“Me too.” You whispered.

You put the painting down beside you and looked back up at him expectantly. Now with your permission he placed his hand on your soft cheek and leaned forward until his lips were against yours. It didn’t take but a moment for you to lean into him, moving your hand to his jaw. It was perfect. It was everything a kiss should be, everything you always imagined it might be with him. You didn’t even consider trying to stop him as he eased you down onto your back. Cradling your head against his arm his tongue brushed against your lip and you opened your mouth to him. Your fingers snuck up into his hair as you moaned into the kiss. Your whole body flooded with warmth.

You’d probably let it go on much longer than you should have but at the same time it was also over before you felt it should have been. He didn’t pull all the way away, in fact he pulled you closer. Wrapped his arms around you fully. As he gently kissed your cheek, your temple, your forehead, your eyes welled with tears. This felt like a goodbye and you knew it had to be. How could you ever be alone with him again after this.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” He said, still cradling your head, “You were worth it. Every second.”

“If I…” you whimpered as tears fell from your eyes. “If he…”

“It’s okay.” He assured you, brushing the hair from your face. “Maybe I get you in another lifetime. I’ll just have to wait.”

The pair of you sat up and Minhyuk held you close, letting you cry against his shoulder for a while. You didn’t want to let go, you didn’t want to let him go. You knew once you did you’d have to leave. And you knew once you left you couldn’t see him again. Your friendship just couldn’t be the same, not with the way you already missed the feeling of his kiss on your lips. Minhyuk knew just as well that this would have to be it, because there was no way he’d be able to just be your friend anymore. Not when he knew, for even for just a few minutes, what it was like to have you as more. He held onto you as long as he could. Until the warmth of your bodies together was no longer enough to keep you from shivering from the cold. The two of you worked together in silence to clean up the picnic mess and he helped you down the fire escape.

When you reached your balcony you dropped the basket and your gift next to the window and looked back over at him, “Minnie?”

“Yeah?” he looked so miserable when he looked back at you.

You threw your arms around his shoulders one last time with all the strength you could. You wanted to squeeze him full of enough love that he wouldn’t forget you, even if you were just a thin wall away. Pressing your nose into his neck you inhaled him deeply. His smell was pure warmth, he smelled the way it felt to sit in a patch of sun to warm up on a chilly autumn day. It reminded you of fresh air and clean clothes. Minhyuk was everything good.

“Take care of our friends.” you whispered, “Maybe someday it won’t be so hard to be around each other and we can go back to being us again.”

“Maybe.” he mumbled, but both of you knew he was lying. He didn’t want to go back to what you were.

When you leaned back, you knew it was a bad idea, but you kissed his cheek. He looked down at you for just a second and you latched at the mouth again. You kissed him hard and his fingers dug so deep into your hips that it hurt but you’d been digging your own nails into his shoulders so hard you were sure it felt the same for him. It wasn’t until you heard the sound of the apartment above yours open their window that you pulled away. Both of you stood still for a minute as you heard the tell tale sounds of someone lighting a cigarette, then you pulled away for real.

“Goodnight, Minnie.” you said quietly.

He nodded and sighed, “Goodnight.”

-

After that night when Matt came home from his work trip was when the sadness and the longing took a backseat to overwhelming guilt. It had been such a long time since you’d really spent time together that his every move no longer hit each of your nerves. That, in turn, allowed you to remember the things you liked about him and the reasons you loved him. And in a vicious cycle made you feel heavy with guilt all over.

Even if it wasn’t for the kiss you knew you’d gone too far with Minhyuk. You had completely connected yourself with someone else on a mental and emotional level that you might as well have been sleeping together anyway. You thought about how you would have felt if it was the other way around and he was the one that had connected with someone new, fallen in love with someone else. For a long while you debated whether or not to tell him what had happened but ultimately decided against it. You weren’t sure how Matt would react, but you didn’t want Minhyuk to be in any trouble. He hadn’t really done anything wrong. You’d been the one in a relationship. You were the one that should have been able to restrain yourself.

Weeks passed and you felt everything going back to normal. During the day you worked on articles, sometimes spending hours in coffee shops just to get away. Evenings you spent out on the balcony with Cole. Nights you would lay across the couch with your head on Matts’ lap while he played some videogame or another. You hardly ever saw Minhyuk.

It wasn’t clear to you yet if it was a blessing from god or cruel a twist of fate that every time you had seen him you’d been with Matt. Mostly it was coming into the building or at the mailbox which wasn’t always terrible. It was elevator rides that took forever that hurt the worst. Usually it was you standing in between the two of them. Matt making excruciating small talk, asking him if he was seeing anyone or how work was going. Having to catch his scent for just a moment and not being able to dive into him. You nearly choked one night. You had almost made it safely inside the apartment when Matt mentioned to Minhyuk that he was gone a lot of the time. He said the two of you should hang out. It would be nice for you to have a friend. He even asked him, half jokingly, to keep an eye on you for him.  

Albeit lackluster, it seemed like your life was back on its previous track. Things between you and Matt were decent, work was going well, and you hadn’t cried in the shower over Minhyuk in nearly a week. It was at about that time that you’d come back into the apartment one evening to find Matt standing over the bed. On top of the duvet was the painting Minhyuk had done of you and the small box that held every note Minhyuk had ever written you. From the one he left on Cole to the ones he’d sneak into your mailbox or hide in your closed laptop, or tape to the window outside your balcony. You didn’t think any of them were anything bad, regardless you had kept all of it hidden away in the back of the closet like a dirty secret.

“What are you doing?” you asked quietly from the doorway.

“I was getting out my luggage for my trip tomorrow.” he said, staring down at the letter in his hands, his jaw was clenched tight. “I found your box.”

“Okay.” you gulped.

“Did you fuck him?”

You shook your head, “No. It wasn’t like that.”

“It wasn’t?” he gave a sarcastic chortle and tossed the letter in his hands to the bed. “You won’t look at him. You never fucking talk to him. When you see him at the mailbox or heading into the elevator, you always make up some bullshit excuse to avoid being around him with me.”

“That doesn’t mean we had sex.” you sighed.

“Well what were you trying to hide then? Why hide these?” he asked and looked over at the painting. “Do you love him? Because I’d bet everything that he’s in love with you.”

It felt like you were burning up, you didn’t even know what to say. Standing there you’d come to the easy conclusion that everything that happened after the night you kissed Minhyuk was a lie. There wasn’t a part of you that actually wanted to be with Matt anymore. Nothing about what you felt for him was even at a comparable level to how much you loved Minhyuk. You’d tried to lie to yourself again like you had before, like you had been for years. You’d tried to convince yourself that Matt was your destiny and something you just had to surrender yourself to, but you couldn’t anymore. Not now that you knew what was out there. You missed Minhyuk so much that most days your whole body ached for him.  

“Yes.” you admitted quietly. “Yes, I’m in love with him.”

“More than you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want to marry me?” he asked.

You shook your head, you didn’t even have tears to cry in this moment, “No, I don’t.”

For a while Matt went off on you and you let him. He yelled for some time, and then he cried, and then he yelled some more. He convinced himself that the two of you had been sleeping together every time he was away. He called you every name in the book and demanded that you give him his ring back, which you did without argument. At one point he attempted to kick you out of the apartment, even going so far as throwing some of your things into boxes. Then in the end he decided he was the one that was going to leave and started to pack his things.

Once things seemed settled, within a blink, you were knocking rapidly on the door of the apartment 8D. You could have waited until morning. Maybe that would have given you time to come up with something spectacular to say. Some beautiful confession of your love. You could meet him in the garden, in the soft morning light. Surrounded by all of the plants like a secret, romantic garden. Instead you had waited about five of the most awkward moments of your life watching Matt angrily stuff his clothes into suitcases. Then you couldn’t wait a single second more. You missed Minhyuk’s sweet face. His warm energy. You just missed him.

When the door opened to reveal Minhyuk you knew you didn’t have any poetic confessions of love on the tip of your tongue. So before he could even get out his first syllable you threw your arms around him and planted your lips against his in a kiss. He stiffened for a moment in surprise before easing into it. His long arms slipping around your waist and pulling you in tight.

Before things could get too heated, which you were more than ready for, he pulled away. “What...what are you doing?”

“I love you.” you felt you had your priorities straight, then followed with, “I left Matt. He’s packing right now, but I couldn’t wait another second, Minhyuk. I had to tell you. I had to see you. I love you. I want to be with you. I missed you so much. You were right here and I couldn’t stop missing you.”

“You love me?” He asked with a bright smile lighting up his face.

“Yeah...a lot.” A wave of relief crashed over you and you felt the tension leave your body. “Is that okay?”

“Wow. Oh man.” He let out a heavy breath and pulled you in tighter than before. “I love you too.”

“Is it okay…Can I stay with you for a couple hours?” You asked, “Just until he’s packed and gone. And then I’ll leave if you want and we can figure everything out tomorrow.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “Of course you can stay! Stay with me forever! Never leave my side.”  

“Minhyuk…”

Both of you were surprised by the female voice that came from inside his apartment. You looked up to see a beautiful, although confused, young woman standing in his living room.

“Are you…” you looked up at Minhyuk, entirely amused, “On a date?”

“Ah, yes. I am.” He flushed, “...I forgot.”

You covered your mouth as you snorted out a laugh. You should have felt worse for the poor girl, but something about this moment was just too funny.

“You must be Y/n.” She said with a small smile as she stepped towards the two of you.

“Um… yes.” Now confused yourself, you still reached out to accept her outstretched hand. “I’m so sorry, have we met?”

With a laugh she shook her head, “No, no! I’m Jamie. I’ve just…I was looking at Mins paintings and I recognized you. I have you hanging in my bedroom.”

“Huh?”

“That’s how I met Jamie.” Minhyuk let out a breath of a laugh, “She bought one of my paintings...of you.”

“Honestly, you were just so ethereal, I had to have it. I can see why you’re his favorite subject.” She blushed. “I can also see that I should leave.”

Still a little confused, you watched as Jamie grabbed her bag from the kitchen counter.

“Sorry.” Minhyuk offered awkwardly as she made her way to the door.

“It’s okay. I totally get it.” She smiled over at you and placed a gentle hand on your forearm. “It was such a pleasure to meet you.”

“You too.” You grinned.

She thanked Minhyuk for a lovely dinner and then the two of you watched as she made her way to the elevator.

“Was she flirting with you?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know…” you couldn’t help but giggle as he pulled you inside the apartment and shut the door with his foot, “I think so.”

“I don’t blame her.” His lips pressed hard against your cheek, “You want a drink?”

“Sure. Whatever you’re having is fine.”

You missed his arms around you as soon as they slipped from your hips. And you watched him walk over to the tiny kitchen. As he was busy pouring drinks you moved over to his art desk. You realized you’d never actually been inside of his apartment before. You’d only ever seen it from the balcony that one time. Even when you’d had dinners together it was him coming over to yours.

Your heart started to feel overwhelming in your chest as you stood there looking. It was a lot of you to take in but at the same time it didn’t feel creepy or uncomfortable. There were little sketches of you on top of the desk. Smaller canvases lined along the wall of paintings that could have been any woman, but you knew it was you. And on the easel there was a work in progress, an oil painting that took your breath away.

“I’m not a creep.” Minhyuk said as he walked up beside you and handed you a glass. “I swear I’m not. I’m just totally in love with you.”

Your lip trembled slightly as you looked up at him. Your eyes were glossy and threatening real tears. Minhyuk pouted as he looked down at you.

“Are you okay?” He asked with genuine concern, “Did I do something wrong?”

“Is that really how you see me?” You asked in a whisper.

He looked over at the painting in consideration. “I haven’t gotten it perfectly yet, I’m still working on it. But yeah, that’s pretty close to how I see you.”

You looked around for a surface to put your drink and when you couldn’t find one fast enough you handed your glass back to him.

“Don’t go.” He begged, as he took your glass.

You didn’t. You had never intended to leave, you just needed a place to put your glass so you could reach up and hold his face in your hands. Then you pulled his lips to yours. When you finally pulled back from the kiss his eyes were closed, and his mouth was open just slightly like they were waiting for another kiss. He looked as completely blissed out as you felt.

He didn’t open his eyes until you’d taken back your glass. You laughed at the disappointment on his face as he realized that was it and then turned back to his desk. There was a cork board on the wall behind the desk that you hadn’t noticed before. Pinned to it, it had every note you’d left him. Even the bright pink post-it that just said Yes!

“I have all the notes you left me too.” You said with a blush.

“I hoped you might have.”

Turning back to him with a grin, you placed your drink on the top of the stool beside the desk. “Can I make a pretty bold assumption?”

“Of course.” He shrugged.

Biting your lip you tugged at the bottom hem of your shirt until you’d pulled it over your head. A warmth moved through you as he stood there silently, wink-blinking as he looked over your body.

“I assume you want to sleep with me.”

He opened his mouth to say something but thinking better of it he bent down and placed the glass with his drink in it on the floor before throwing himself at you. Wrapped up in his arms you laughed, and he walked you backwards until the two of you were crashing down on the couch.

“Best day.” He muttered against your neck with a kiss as his hands spread out over your skin. Your fingers dug into his hair with the slightest tug.

“Absolutely.”

-

After that it was the two of you. For a while you kept your apartment. Partly in case it didn’t work out, though neither of you ever expected it wouldn’t. Mostly it was so that you didn’t feel like you were incapable of being on your own. Having been with Matt since high school you’d moved from your parents home to a brief stint with a friend and then into a place with him. You didn’t want to be the type of girl that just jumped from one guy to the next. You wanted a chance to prove your independence. Eventually, with the amount of time you spent together, it became clear that your apartment had become a very pricey walk-in closet and it just wasn’t worth pretending anymore. You knew where you wanted to be.

Within three months of dating you were engaged, again. Minhyuk had asked you the night of his very first gallery opening and it was more than a pleasure for you to be able to say yes. Both of you had intended on a short engagement, but you had to postpone when the book you’d completed got picked up by a publisher. It had been Minhyuk’s birthday surprise to you. He’d sent in an early draft to a publisher friend of his and they had loved it. Besides that one week you’d been sick with the flu and unable to see him, the worst time was a two month book tour. You probably wouldn’t have ever needed to go on one if it wasn’t for your coworker writing an article for the magazine about it that had gone viral. After a couple hundred thousand preorders, the publishing company decided that it would be an amazing idea. The whole thing was a daze and while some parts were fun and you were grateful for every second it was hard to be away from Minhyuk for too long. When he surprised you in one of the cities around week four you cried for five whole minutes. Just holding him and sobbing. A little from pure exhaustion from the traveling but mostly because you had just missed him that much.    

When you returned home you were pretty quick to start planning the wedding, because, now under contract, you were also responsible for planning and executing your next novel. Luckily, you still had a lot of your dream details left over from when you’d been planning with Matt. There were just a few things here and there you wanted to personalize. The next six months went by in a flurry. Working on the second book, wedding, honeymoon, working on the book on the honeymoon, getting reprimanded by a pouty Minhyuk for working on the book during the honeymoon, making it up to him all over the suite at the resort, coming home to finish the second book, Minhyuk’s second gallery opening, and the second book book tour.

Then it felt like for a minute you could breathe again. And you spent most of your time inhaling the fresh air that was Minhyuk while spending your days back up on the roof together. It wasn’t until he’d left one night to pick up the take-out for dinner and come home with a puppy, forgetting the dinner all together, that the two of you decided it was time to move out of the tiny one bedroom you were sharing. Though somehow with him it had never seemed that small, it just felt right.

“I'm not sure I like this.” You frowned as you looked over the room that was meant to be your  writing office. “This place is too big. And…your studio is all the way outside?”

“You’re being pretty whiny for someone who said they had to have this house or they’d just die.” Minhyuk laughed as he came into the room behind you, “Where do you want Cole?”

You flailed your arm around dramatically, “Pfff! By the window, whatever. I don’t care.”

With another huff of a laugh he went over to the window and put your plant on the sill. He looked out at view for a second and then turned to you, holding out his hand, “Come here, big baby.”

You managed to somehow pout even harder as you grabbed his hand. He just smiled and pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and adjusting your gaze with his free hand so that you were looking out at the backyard. Daisy, your ever growing, six month old golden retriever, was rolling around in the dewey grass quite happily.

“Look,” he pointed across the way, to the backyard studio that he’d claimed for his art studio. “If you put your desk right here, you can see me whenever you want.”

“I don’t know,” you sighed leaning against his chest. “It’s so far. Aren’t you going to miss me?”

“Every second I’m away, Beautiful.” he patted your back, “It’ll be hard travelling so far away for work every day, but I don’t think we need paint fumes in the house. Plus, they say distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Just because you got famous doesn’t mean you have to start upping your paint game. Using different mediums? Spray paint? Massive art pieces? Unnecessary. The Mona Lisa is basically a notebook doodle. Just sell notebook doodles.” you grinned up at him and he kissed the tip of your nose. “And anyway, I think we’re a little too fond of each other. In fact, I think I’m so fond of you that you shouldn’t leave my side for months, that way I get tired of you.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work the way you think it is.” he laughed. “Did you already forget how small our apartment was? We were basically conjoined.”

“It wasn’t small, it was cozy.” you argued, while he pulled you from the office down the hall. He was perfectly fine arguing with you all night, he only thought some unpacking should be done while you did so. “The only reason I even suggested we move was for Daisy. She’s already so big, it wouldn’t have been fair to keep her there.”

“Baby,” he chuckled, disappearing for a second as he carried a box that read kitchen into the kitchen before reappearing without it, “You hated that apartment. You once referred to it as a shoebox. Which really was generous, those things were more like matchboxes. Which is probably why you’re freaking out and acting like a regular sized house is Buckingham Palace.”

You opened a box labeled living room and sighed, “It’s different with you, Minnie. I want to be around you. I like being around you. No place with you is too small because ‘with you’ is my favorite place in the world, it's why I promised my whole life to it.”

Opening another living room box you tossed a few throw pillows across the large open space towards the couch. It seemed hard to unpack when you didn’t even have enough furniture in the house to be sure where things were going to go. The bed and dresser had been moved upstairs to the bedroom, your desk was in your office and there were a few bookshelves randomly placed around the living room with the one couch and its one matching chair, but that was it. That had been all you could fit in the apartment. The house was so bare with the exception of about a thousand potted plants that had previously occupied the apartment rooftop, and you’d yet to decide what to do with them. After a minute of quiet passed your heart raced at the thought that Minhyuk had left the room without even saying anything.

“Min! Oh-” you gasped realizing he was still behind you, leaning against the bare wall, just watching. “What?”

With a grin he stepped towards you, his hand lifted to the back of your neck, and he pulled your mouth to his. You moaned instantly at the taste of him on your tongue. When he finally let off enough you were panting for breath and your lips felt swollen and sore.

Pressing his forehead to yours he whispered a sweet, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” you giggled lightly as his hands moved over you with an unintentional tickle.

Locking you into another kiss his hands gripped your hips and pushed them until you were flush against the wall. While he groaned into the kiss you felt his hands grow frantic at your hips, needing your shorts off of your body immediately. His hot breath passed over your face in a sigh as when his fingers were finally able to reach between your thighs.

“Ah, fuck, baby.” he sucked the skin of your neck into his mouth with a pinch. “You’re warm...so wet already.”

“It’s because you’re such a good kisser.” you grinned and caught his bottom lip between your teeth.  

Keeping you pressed against the wall with the kiss he moved his long, narrow fingers over your wet slit until you were mewling and then sunk them into you up to the knuckle. Your mouth fell open in a gasp as you clenched around his fingers desperately. He grinned, quite pleased with himself as your head fell back against the wall.

“Min...Minnie…” you gasped different variations of his name over and over as his hand pumped in and out of you at an excruciating pace. “Minhyuk!”

“Not yet,” he whispered against your neck, slowing his hand exponentially before he knelt down in front of you.

You whined and squirmed at the loss of his fingers as he used both hands to drag your panties down to your ankles to meet back up with your shorts. Then he was lifting one of your legs over his shoulder, watching your arousal drip down your thigh before he called you his beautiful girl which only served to turn you on further. You whined again and finally his lips wrapped around your clit, he was just as brilliant at kissing your pussy as he was your mouth. Your palms slammed against the wall, desperate for something to hold onto as his fingers slipped back inside of you, joining his mouth for the attack.

“I...you...yes! Yes..can’t!” you cried out, your voice echoing through the emptiness of your new home. Minhyuk laughed with you still firmly between his lips at your incoherent rambling. Then you finally offered up something he could understand, “Cumming… fucking cumming.”

Though, with his fingers still curled inside of you, massaging your g spot, he didn’t need you to tell him. He could feel the telltale clench around his fingers before you drenched his hand and chin with your orgasm. He kept going, as you came down from your high until you whined in complaint of the overstimulation. You sunk down easily into his lap and kissed yourself clean off of his mouth.  

“Couch?” you asked.

“Couch.” he agreed and the two of you got to your feet.

In front of the old faithful couch you undressed your husband slowly. Shirt first so you could leave kisses all over his shoulders and chest as you sunk down to your knees before him. Taking in the view of his soft stomach you grinned and leaned in to leave several intentional kisses.

Running his hand through your hair he laughed at the feel. “What are you smiling about?”

Leaning back on your heel you unbuttoned his pants, dragging them down his thighs along with his underwear. “Lee Minhyuk, you are so sexy. That’s what I’m smiling about. Sit”

He did as he was told and sat down on the couch in front of you. You pushed open his knees and scooched between them. Mesmerized he watched as you took his hardened length into your fist. A thin stream of spit waterfalled from your lips to his tip and he whimpered at the sight. You felt his dick twitch in your hand and grinned once more as you spread the saliva over his length with your hand. Leaning forward you held his dick up, tickling the base with several flicks of your tongue before dragging it up along the thick vein that led to his tip. You watched with a sense of pride as his thighs gave a tremble at the feeling. You took his length into your mouth and released a moan around him. His palm landed on top of your head gently, fingers digging into your hair. He didn’t move to pressure you deeper, just massaged the back of your head with his large hand. You took all of him down your throat on your own, letting out little gags and making sure it sounded nice and wet. Sloppy the way he liked it.

“Stop! Stop!” he gasped after a few minutes, just as you felt his thigh muscles tightening underneath your hands.

Pulling yourself off of him you looked up with watery eyes and a swollen mouth. “What? Did I do it wrong? Did you hate it?”

With a laugh he shook his head, “Shut up, silly girl. Get up here.”

Using the couch cushions you pushed yourself to your feet. Minhyuk had his hands on your hips quickly, pulling you forward so that you were straddling his lap. After a complaint about your shirt still being on he helped pull it over your head and tugged you forward for a kiss. Your hands cupped just below his jaw as you leaned into the kiss. One of his hands slipped between your thighs to make sure you were still ready for him, but you already knew you were. His other hand moved behind you at the same time to make quick work of your bra clasp, the straps falling off your shoulders to catch in the crook of your elbows. He’d grabbed himself between your legs and dragged the head of his cock against your pussy causing you to jolt forward in surprise.

“Oh fuck, Min.” you gasped as you sunk down onto him. “You hit so deep.”

He smiled and helped pull your bra from your arms before tossing it to the side. “You take me so good, baby.”

The loud, wet slap of skin against skin bounced off the walls as you bucked your hips into his. His mouth fell open, light huffs of air flying from his mouth as he jerked his hips up to join yours in their mission for satisfaction. In a handful of minutes you were so close, just a screaming whiny mess as you bounced yourself on top of his lap. He’d had both of his hands on your hips guiding you forward but he dropped one to thumb quick circles against your clit.  

“I need you to cum.” he hissed between his teeth, sweat dripped down his neck while he worked hard for you. “God...baby, please cum.”

His desperate plea took you over until you were practically vibrating, pulsing around him. Your head dropped to his shoulder and you licked the salty sweat off the length of his neck. Arms tightening around your body his hips jolted upwards roughly a few more times until he stalled inside of you and you could the warm gush against your walls. Your whole body slumped languidly against his chest as you caught your breath. His hands moved over your skin, your back, your hips, your thighs. He was so gentle that you sighed in total satisfaction, you nearly fell asleep, indulging in the comforting scent of him. After a few minutes he let out a hefty groan and flipped you so you were on your back.

“Why?” you whined as he pulled away from your naked body and took his warmth with him.

He didn’t answer right away, but tugged his underwear up his legs. Standing up straight with a stretch he looked around the room and hurried over to another pile of boxes. He tore through a couple without taking anything out, in the last one he dragged out a blanket and brought it over to you. Covering you up he leaned back down quickly and left a kiss on your forehead.

“Someone has to let the dog in.” he explained finally, and took off to the kitchen to open the back door.

In no mood to do much of anything anymore you snuggled into the comfort of the couch until you heard the pitter patter of Daisy’s paws against the hardwood. Her heavy panting let you know she had probably been totally fine running around outside. You gave her scratches behind her ears as she licked at your face and neck until you were too giggly. Then she sprinted excitedly back to Minhyuk, wherever he was, and back to you and then back to him until he was back in the room with you. With a giant, satisfied smile he walked back over to the couch and wiggled his body between you and the couch. Kissing the top of your messy hair he offered you half of his peanut butter sandwich, which you accepted gratefully.

“We should probably have real food.” he hummed in agreement through a mouthful of sandwich. “But like...food from somewhere that delivers.”

“Kay,” he agreed as he tucked comfortably into the warmth of you and kissed your shoulder as you gave Daisy a piece of peanut butter and bread crust. After a minute he said, “I think you’re right.”

“About food? Because yeah, I’m pretty hungry now.”

“No.” he laughed slipping an arm around you, “I think the studio is too far from your office.”

With a blush of amusement on your cheek you pulled his arm tighter around you, “We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, we’ll figure it out.” he agreed.

#lee minhyuk scenarios #monsta x scenarios #lee minhyuk smut #monster x smut #minhyuk scenario #minhyuk smut #lee minhyuk x reader #monster x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop smut #lee minhyuk monsta x #minhyuk monsta x

[thegreatestwaffle]

Trigger warnings:

Death, mild swearing, blood

Valentine's On The Beach

What's the most romantic thing you can think of? Is it a dinner date at a nice restaurant? Enjoying the sights in town? Perhaps it's a lovely evening at home, snuggle next to the one you cherish most. For me, it was walking on the beach during the sunset. Walking with someone you adore while the sunshine glistens down on the two of us. The calm waves and warm breeze leaving you relaxed and happy. No need to worry or panic as you're left with the feeling of romance as the two of you embrace each other. 

It was something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. I didn’t need a prince charming to sweep me off my feet, or a queen to arrive at my door promising me a life of ease and beauty. All I wanted was to be with someone who would stand on the beach and watch the sunset with me.

After years and years of yearning, well, I finally got that magical moment on the beach. I was seventeen when it happened, I was young, hopeful, and full of these romantic ideas. It was February- if my memory serves me correctly, it was the seventh- of my Junior year, and my friends and I were hanging out at our local beach. It was a cool evening as we all lounged around making small talk. 

I had three close friends at the time; Jannet, Kevin, and Aaron. That evening, Jannet and I were each sitting on one side of Kevin as he played his guitar. As we waited for Arin to arrive, we relaxed and watched the sunset. I was daydreaming of being held by a faceless figure when I heard Aaron calling out to us. Kevin paused his playing as we all turned in Aaron's direction. My gaze was immediately drawn to the girl next to him. Her hair was long and wavy, a light brown color that swished with the breeze. Her skin was pale and creamy as it glistened in the sun. She wore a jean jacket over a white tank top with a black mini-skirt and leggings. My breath hitched as I took in her beauty. I continued to stare, not even realizing that they were standing in front of us. 

“Hey, guys! I planned to be here sooner, but I thought I'd bring a new friend along. This is Marissa, she just moved here.” 

Aaron gestures in the direction of Marissa who waves shyly. I was the first to greet her, awkwardly I might add. As we shook hands, we locked eyes for a moment before looking away quickly. I sat back down and invited her to sit next to me, which she accepted. The rest of the evening went on, all of us gathered around the campfire Jannet had started earlier. Night came and we all kicked back, listening to the soft crashing of the waves as Kevin lightly strummed his guitar. Jannet was the first to speak up.

“So, where you from?” Jannet inquired, resting her head on the palm of her hand. 

“Oh, um, I’m from a few states over, uh, Utah to be exact,” I noted how Marissa ducked her head slightly as she spoke.

“Jeez, that’s a hell of a ways from California. Speaking of which, how are you liking it down here so far? Settling in alright; got to see any sights yet?”

“Oh, I’m doing fine, thank you for asking. Um, I actually haven’t got to see much yet, but based on Arin and you all here, I can say that I definitely enjoy the people here.” We all chuckle lightly, and once again Marissa and I lock eyes for a moment.

We quickly look away, and I blush a bit this time. Arin begins to chime into the conversation, " Yea, actually, Marissa's my new neighbor. I saw her caring staff and I stopped by to help. We chatted for a bit and asked if she wanted to come to hang out with us at the beach."

"Well, we're glad to have you here. We're always excited to see new faces," Kevin said as he looked up from his guitar.

" Yeah, and I could show you the best spots on the beach to find shells or we’ve got this great spot where we go swimming. That's only if you like that stuff of course," I ramble and stutter, trying to hide my nervousness. I flushed slightly at the chuckle Marissa gives, but it soon turns into a blush as I realize she smiles softly at me.

"Yea, that sounds nice, thank you, " Marissa shyly looks at the ground as she speaks, a soft pink appearing on her pale cheeks.

We continue talking for a bit, but soon decide to retire home. Aaron offers to walk home with Marissa While Janet gets in Kevin's car so he can take her home. My day is fall as nurses every move as she stands up and prepares to leave. Erin and her both say goodbye to me, and Marissa gives me one more smile before she leaves. I was left standing alone on the beach as I wrapped my arms around myself. I closed my eyes and let the moonlight wash over me as I thought of Marissa and her beautiful days.

A few days go by and discover that Marissa has a lot of the same classes as me. On her first day at a high school, I showed her around the campus and invited her to sit next to me during our classes together. At lunch, she sat with me, Jannet Kevin, and Aaron. Since I didn't have any classes with my other friends, I spent my free class time with her. We grew close, of the sorts, I learned about some of her favorite things and found them to be the same as mine. Each day that passed, the more and more my feelings crew for her. And no time, I had invited her to my house, using the excuse that we could study for our history test the next day. 

That day, it was warm and sunny, as well, I was positively glowing as I rushed home. I expected her to arrive at 4, so I frantically began picking up my house. And the short amount of time between getting out of school and before her arrival, I'd cleared out all messes in the house. My parents are out of town on "Valentine's Vacation", so I have the house to myself. Just as I was fiddling with a vase full of fake roses, I heard a knock at my door and I quickly ran over to open it.

A white smile spread across my face as I greeted Marissa. She gave me a small but polite small smile as I welcomed her inside. I led her into my kitchen and turned to offer her a drink.

"You want anything? Soda, water, chips, whatever I can grab it for you," I try my best to keep my town casual as I leaned against the counter.

"Oh, no thank you. I appreciate the offer though!" Marshall spell case she pulled books out of her bag. She neatly laid out her laptop and notebook on the table as I grabbed a soda from the fridge. Sitting down next to her, I began pulling out my stuff for my bag. For a while, we do not work in silence, my day is occasionally glancing up to watch her. Finishing my homework and sitting there awkwardly, I worked up the courage to start a conversation.

"So the Valentine's Day dance is coming up this Saturday, you, uh, going with anyone?"

Marissa paused in her writing and looked up at me, "Oh, uh, yeah, well no, I mean, I am going, just not with anyone. I figured I might drop by and try to talk to people. I might just end up standing alone in a corner like I normally do, but hey the social interaction might be good for," she laughs nervously as she goes back to her homework.

"Well, you can come with me if you want," at this, her brown eyes light up as she looks at me in surprise.

" I mean, like, we can hang out together. With the others, I know Janet excited, and Kevin playing on a stage that night, though, I don't think Aaron will be there." 

"How come? Does he not like dances? I figured he would since he seems like a social butterfly."

At this, I sighed some, "Yeah, he is, it's just that he went through a pretty bad breakup. He and his ex work together for like what now," I throw my brow and concentration, "four or five years now."

Marissa set aside her homework, the concentration shifting to the story.

 "That's so sad, what happened? Is he doing okay?"

" It's been pretty rough, but I think you'll manage. He's a strong guy so I don't doubt he won't bounce back."

Watching Marissa Brown at this, I decide to change the subject.

"So, you got a dress yet? If not, we can go looking for one tomorrow."

Once again, she looked at me surprised, yet blush blushing as she did so.

"Oh, I really have one, but thank you! That's very kind of you."

" Yeah, no problem, anytime you need anything I'll be here,'' I replied awkwardly.

 "Well I guess it's time for me to go," she gives me a small smile as she stands up, "my parents might get worried."

"Thanks for coming over, this has been nice," I said as I get up and head to the door. In the living room, I open the door for her and as Marissa steps out she turns to me.

"Thanks for today, I'm really excited about the dance now. I really can't wait to see you there."

"Yea you too! I'll see you tomorrow," I cheerfully say as she leaves. As I closed the door, I could feel my face heat up. The rest of the evening was then spent picking out the "perfect dress and makeup" for the dance.

The rest of the week went by, both simultaneously feeling like the fastest and slowest week. Before I knew it, Saturday it arrived. I spent the day preparing for the dance. Hours and hours were spent making sure I looked nice. I wore a pine green formal dress that had a fleece skirt and gold flower pattern on the torso.

Despite never being any good with heels, I wore open-toed, platform heels that were the same color as the dress. My heels made me feel tall, my dress slender, and the dark green eyeshadow making my eyes light up. To say the least, I felt stunning and beautiful. 

The dance was to begin at six so about five-thirty I walked out of my house and got into my car. I drove to the flower shop in town and picked a bundle of tulips, Marissa's favorite flower. Then, I headed to the high school. A few of you people were already there as I arrived. I saw Kevin's van in the parking lot and figured the others were here already.

"Hey guys, need any help with anything?" I said whole climbing on stage.

"Nah we got it, thanks though- Oh! You look so pretty!" Jannet excitedly exclaims as she envelops me in a hug.

"You too! That purple looks awesome on you. Jay's gonna love it." Jay was Jannet's at the time and eventual husband.

"Aww, thanks," Jannet looked at my hands and gasped some, "Who’re the flowers for?"

My face heated some as I stumbled to explain myself. 

"Oh, well, Marissa said that she was coming tonight and didn't have anyone to come with so I thought she might like them."

Kevin looked up from his guitar, a smirk on his face as he spoke, "You're smitten with her aren't you?"

"No, well yes, but really no. You understand what I'm trying to say right?" I spluttered as I spoke.

"Oh yea I do," he said as he looked back down at his guitar, " you adore her."

We all laughed a bit, then I realized, 

"Hey, where's Aaron?"

"Oh, he said he refuses to come. To heartbroken, because tonight he planned to do something special with Erica," Jannet said exasperated as she looked around.

"What did he have planned?" Kevin asked, his eyebrow quirked up at Jannet.

"He said he was going to go take her to our swimming area and set up a "romantic dinner and swim" night or something. Now, he's going to sit at home on his ass and sulk."

"That sucks, I wish he was here so we could cheer him. I talked to him before I felt the house and he seemed happy about something. I asked what was up with him and he said he'd tell me later. So, I think he'll be good, if not a little heartbroken," Kevin gave me a reassuring smile as he spoke.

"Alright, if you say so," I smiled. The evening went on and more and more people arrived. We grabbed a table and ate finger foods as others danced around us. Jay had arrived so he and Jannet gushed over each other while I looked around for Marissa. Finally, she walked through the door, looking as stunning as ever. My breath hitched as I stared, her long, brown hair shimmered under the gym lights. Her red dress, which fit snugly around her, showed all her curves, and her bright red lipstick against her pale skin made her glow.

Jannet nudged me, causing me to turn away. She thrust the bundle of tulips into my hand and told me to go greet Marissa. Quickly, I got up and walked over to her as she peered around.

"Hey, glad to see you made it!" I said politely.

"Thanks, oh, where did you get those?" Marissa pointed at the tulips in my hands.

"Oh, um, there for you actually. I figured without having anyone be with you, you might want them. I mean everyone needs something for Valentine's Day," a blush crept into my face as I spoke l. Marissa stood there surprised for a moment.

"You remember, oh my god. Thank you," after saying this, she embraced me in a hug. 

One I took, and gave, with no hesitation. We lingered for a moment, my heart racing as the seconds went by. Parting, we laughed nervously and shyly looked away.

"Shall we go to our table?" I asked, finally looking back up.

Locking arms together, she looked at me, "Why of course, lead the way." 

At the table, I introduced her to Jay and Kaleb, Kevin's boyfriend, and we all sat around talking. After some time, they were ready for Kevin on the stage. Taking a deep breath, I turned to Marissa and asked,

"Do you wanna dance?"

She paused, a glass of coke lying on her lips. Jay and Jannet looked at us excitedly. Noticing them, Marissa snapped back to focus and turned to me, "Um, sure, I'd love to."

Taking her by the hand, I led her to the middle of the gym floor. Kevin began to play a cover of Joji's slow dancing in the dark. I slipped a hand around her waist, my other related gently on her shoulder. Her hands did the same, and as she did so a tingle danced up my spine.

Our eyes locked, as they did so much it seemed, and we danced. Slow movements and nervous shuffles as we made a slow turn in a circle. Our gazes never broke, and the longer we danced, the more I wanted her close to me. Those bright red lips on mine and my hands tangled in that soft, brown hair. I wanted to hold her and be held by her. I practically yearned for it with my pleading gaze until finally,

"Do you wanna get out of here? I'd love to talk to you, in private." My voice was heavy and low, my heart racing.

"Yes," her reply was soft, airy, and if I guessed right, excited. We walked to the table and grabbed our stuff, not even waiting to say good-bye. We quickly left the gym and headed to my car. She didn't question anything, just climbed in as I fumbled with my keys.

I pulled out of the school and began to Dr. My head was spinning with the thoughts of her and all the things I wanted to say. My Daydreams were interrupted when I heard Mercy speak, "Where are we headed?"

Her words were still soft and Airy, and as I looked at her, her gaze was glossy.

"Somewhere special, I think you'll like it," I replied as my heart began to race more. 

Headlights of other vehicles through light on us, reminding me each time of Marisa's brilliance. Finally, we arrived at the beach. She stared at me, puzzled but amused nonetheless. We got out, and hand in hand we walked.

The sky was clear, giving us a perfect view of the moon as its light shimmered down, illuminating us and the ocean. I looked over, and I felt my knees go weak a little. Marissa was practicality luminescent, a shining star all on her own.  We reached the middle of the beach before I turned to her.

"I wanna show you something, down by our swim area. There's a place where only I know," I held her hand lightly as I led the way. Past clusters of rocks and dense areas of trees, we made it to our "secluded beach". Only my friends, I and then Marissa knew of it. We stopped briefly to admire the place and its beauty before moving on. I approached a series of clustered rocks, more jagged than others, and took my heels off, setting them down, I began to climb. I turned around to find Marissa standing hesitant while she stared at the rocks.

"Don't worry, take your heels off and me. The path I'm taking is safe."

She did as I said without question, and began following my lead. Finally, we reached the top and found ourselves staring at a small beach surrounded by beautiful shrubbery. I helped Marissa as we climbed down, reaching the bottom with a huff. I led her to the middle of the beach and gazed up at the sky. Marissa looked at me, and I gazed back at me. 

Before I knew it, I had her in my arms; I think I was just as surprised as she was. I tried to apologize and pull away, but she held on, and so I held on. Together, we stared at the beautiful night sky. Yet, it felt like we were the only stars that mattered. For seventeen year old me, I felt as if I had leaked and found Nirvana. 

I held her tight, feeling a wave of joy because it was the closest I had gotten to my dream. Even though it was night, I could still feel light dancing all around us, illuminating and making us shine. Taking a deep breath, I began to spill all of my thoughts and feelings. 

"Marissa, I," pausing, I took a moment to gain my composer, "When I first saw you, I was stunned. You are magnificent, a dream to me. From the first moment we looked locked eyes, I was captivated. Your beauty, charm, everything you do amazes me. I know, it's only been a few days but something about you crossed me towards you. You're wonderful, everything that I could have asked for."

Looking back, it was stupid to conjure up so much for someone I'd only known for a week. I thought I knew her, so I guess that's why I continue to put on with my speech.

" I adore you, Marissa, all of you is wonderful. Your voice sets me at ease, your eyes Dazzle like light and guide me to you. When I see your soft pink lips, I want them on mine, and every time we're on this beach, I want to hold you near me. I like you, Marissa, a lot, and I want to spend each day holding you as the sun sets on the speech, I love you."

By the time I finished, my heart was pounding and my breathing was Heavy. I'm on my past, then a minute, and Dunn Canyon on without a word spoken from her. After a few minutes, I spoke up,

"Marissa, I'm sorry I said something wrong, but can you tell me if I did? Please, just say anything. I just need to know what you're thinking, please."

I finally turned to look at her, and I was startled to find her staring at me. Those beautiful eyes that were once so bright seemed so dull and empty. Shocked by the side, I began to pull away but was suddenly pulled toward her again. Before I had time to say anything, she slammed me to the ground. I could feel the wind being knocked out of me, and all at once, I was met with shock, confusion, and fear. 

Marissa's hands, which I had yearned for her to hold me with previously, or now wrapped tightly around my throat. Now, my heart was racing for a whole new reason. I struggled, squirming in the sand like an upturned crap. A pressure group in my head as streaks of light appeared in my vision. She sat on top of me, keeping my legs pinned. My arms though were free and in my panic, I had a moment of clarity. I punched her in the nose, the contact making a sick crunching noise. This startled her for a moment, causing her to lose her grip.

I took this moment to hit her square in the chest, causing a gasp to escape her throat as she let go of me. Shoving her off of me, I started to gasp and pant as oxygen flooded my lungs. More colors appeared as I got up. Stumbling, I got to my feet and in a rush of adrenaline and kicked at Marisa's head, hoping this would buy me time to getaway. At that moment, all romantic feelings had faded and were replaced with anger, fear, and an overwhelming sensation of despair. 

I took off, only taking a glance to make sure she wasn't following. In my rush I hadn't focused on where I was headed, my only thoughts being on escape. Releasing my mistakes, I stopped, I was in unfamiliar territory, a place, not even I had. I was on a deserted beach, and I was struck with terror, realizing that no one would know where I am. I stayed quiet, hoping to hear voices or cars, but it was to no avail. Instead, I was met with a new terror, Marissa calling my name.

Her voice was friendly and playful, it made my stomach twists and I thought I was going to puke. Looking around the area frantically, my eyes landed on some dense Shrubbery surrounded by rocks. I hurried over and climbed inside, finding to my horror, a stream of water and in it, pressed against some rocks, with Aaron's body. He floated there, only a few feet from me. I shoved my fingers in my mouth and bit down, trying to suppress my screaming in tears. I closed my eyes, but it was no use, I could – and still can to this day-  picture his glassy gaze and the deep gash that lied on his forehead. For the rest of my life, I will see that image every time I think of him I see those eyes like dead fish.

A sob escaped me, and I laid my head on my knees as reality hit me. Marissa was going to pick my friends and me off one by one that day, or at least kill me and flee. At that moment, I was furious, not just Marissa, but at myself. I should have never told her how vulnerable Aaron was after his breakup. It made sense now, it was a game of pretending for her. Faking feeling sorry for Aaron, getting his hopes up at the promise of love, and luring him out here to kill him, and then she was going to do the same to me.

I didn't have any longer to think about it before I was shoved to the ground again. Once again, Marissa climbed on top of me, this time a large Rock in one hand, the other against my chest. Her legs held my arms down, rendering them useless. I didn't want to die, I was afraid, afraid that I'd have the same glassy gaze as errands. The mental image of his body floating in the water was enough to give me the push to fight. Add Marissa's Armstrong down, I used all my might to jerk my body sideways; she lost balance and missed.

I took that moment to jump on top of her. This time, using all my weight to keep her hell down. Like prey becoming Predator, I have the upper hand. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt good, to take control, to have power over her. My legs pinned hers and one of my arms held her shoulders in place. I used my other hand to fight for dominance over the rock. As we struggled, our faces brushed against each other. That pale skin I once thought of as warm was cold like ice, fitting for a cold-hearted killer.

Finally, after several minutes of struggling, I got it. I have the jagged Rock firmly in my hand and turn back to Marissa. Our gazes locked once again, beautiful brown eyes that I once would have gladly drowned in appeared cold and dark. They reminded me of the depths of the ocean, crew and threatening to pull me under Into the Depths where light didn't shine. In my hesitation, Marissa said nothing in their face held no sympathy. She seemed bizarre, like an alien, for she had no emotion at all as she laid under me.

That's what drove me over the edge, her lack of remorse soon became mine. In one fluid motion, I smashed the rock against her right Temple. At that point, I could have dropped the rock and fled for help, but my Fury had a hold of me. Again and again, I smashed the rock against her skull. Hearing her wine and groan as her head crushed, chunks of bone hair and brain smeared on my face and hands, even the pool of blood that formed underneath us didn't satisfy me. Not until her face was unrecognizable and her body went stiff in the lamp, that a deep and cruel part of me was satisfied.

With deep and heavy breathing, I sat up, the rock tumbling from hand. Trembling, I climbed off of Marisa's body and laid in the sand, curling into a fetal position. I closed my eyes and laid there as I listened to the calm ocean waves and let the soft Moonlight cover me like a blanket. I believe it was an hour or so later before I got back up, I don't remember, what I do remember, was the exhaustion I felt. My mind wasn't on as I followed my previous tracks in the sand. It's a blur, really, and unfortunately, I don't remember all the details of my way back. However, I do remember some things in a general sense.

After getting off the beach, I got into my car and drove back to the school. There, Janet and Kevin had been looking for Marissa and me because they believed Aaron to have gone missing. As they approached me, their faces were flooded with terror and someone let out a scream. The next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance and being taken to the hospital. There, I told the cops all that had happened, though at that point all of it felt like a dream. So much so that it took me three days to tell my story, this was due to the hysterical laughing and or crying I faced each time I spoke.

On the fourth day, an officer arrived and sat down next to my bed. I looked at him puzzlingly because I told him everything already.

" I'm detective Smith, there's something I want to talk to you about. During our investigation, we learned some disturbing details about Melissa," he paused for a moment, giving me time to speak, I said nothing and waited for him to finish. Realizing this he continued,

" when going through her home, we discovered she lived alone. Everything seemed normal until we reached the basement where we found a substantial amount of evidence that incriminated her in several murders across the country."

At this, my eyes widened, but I did not speak.

" in several different states, murders appeared each with one thing in common, all bodies were found floating in a body of water. We call these the Adam's Ale Serial Killings, and you appear to be the only survivor."

"How do you know," my voice was hoarse as I spoke.

"We found a series of documents detailing each crime, the victim, and method of the murder." 

At this, I turned away from him and stared at the ceiling. It was heartbreaking to know I was right deep down. I tried to justify Melissa's actions as a mental break or someone forced her to do this, but deep down I knew she was just a monster.

"Also," I glanced at the officer as he spoke, " all charges against you have been dropped since the discover of Marissa being a murder and you were acting in self-defense."

I shrugged his comment off, not caring if I went to prison, and continued to stare at the ceiling. At some point, he left and a nurse arrived to tell me my friends had come to pick me up. I changed into the clothes Janet had brought me the first night that I was there and gathered my belongings. As they drove me home, Janet and Kevin attempted to make small talk with me, which fell flat on my part. As we drove by the beach, I couldn't help but stare in wonder.

That evening, I got into my car and drove to the beach. No one was there, most likely due to it becoming a crime scene. I came upon the cluster of jagged rocks and began to climb. Without thought, I made my way to the secluded beach. I stood there, unconsciously wrapping my arms around myself, watching the sun dance across the water as it set. I thought about everything that had happened thus far and wondered what would happen after.

Soon, night approached and I stared at the Moon as it hung low in full. Eventually, I let go myself and headed back to my car. As I drove away, I didn't look back at the beach, in fact, I never went back. Something changed in me that night, I didn't feel broken or in pieces like most. Instead, I felt something shipped in my subconscious, telling me that I'd be all right.

That night, as I laid in my bed and drifted off to sleep, I was at peace. Despite everything, I knew I would be all right, and that I would move forward each day. As I slept that night, I did not hear Marisa's soft voice or see her bright brown eyes in my dreams. Instead, my dreams bore nothingness as the moonlight glistened down on my figure, promising not just the next day, but for me as well, a new tomorrow.

#writrblr #Based on a beach prompt #writing #trigger warning #blood #gore #death #horror #fiction #I wrote this for a contest on amino so I figured I'd post this here too

[starship-squidlet]

Twelfth Night: Chapter Eleven, Pipers Piping

Summary: Back to work after Christmas! Things are a little tense, but everyone is just ready for the show to end...

Word count: 1,722

Disclaimer: Twelfth Night Preface

Tag list: @the-cowbi @prettyinlimegreenboots @fifty-for-the-racer @aggressive-bucky-barnes-stan (ask to be added/removed!)

A/N: Second to last chapter! This story has flown by so fast... I’m going to post the preface to the next story (The Green Fields of France, which will start posting 1/14 probably) I’m working on either tonight or tomorrow, so if you’re interested in being tagged in that please let me know!!! The sequel to Twelfth Night, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, will becoming at some point towards the end of February/early March, so keep an eye out for that as well!!! (Also coming soon: Space Pirates AU, and the New Music spinoff #2 and sequel!) Feel free to reach out and chat if you’re interested in knowing more about any of those, or if you want to be tagged when they’re posted!!!

Anyways, I hope this chapter isn’t too boring! It’s a lot of exposition and internal monologue because... at this point in a show... that’s about all you feel like doing 😂

Joke of the Day: What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hil!!!

Previous chapter: Lords A-Leaping

Next chapter: Drummers Drumming

No-one wanted to go to work on the twenty-sixth. Since Christmas Day had been so drowsy, they’d all had a hard time sleeping that night, so dragging themselves out of bed to get ready for work had been challenging. There was no lack of envy for Will, Alden, and Alan, who didn’t have to be in until two hours later than the others, although they still got up at the same time in a show of solidarity. Jack, Crutchie, and Elaine had to drag themselves down the block to the parking lot, almost completely silent save for the odd yawn or wordless grumble that escaped as they drove to the theatre. Inside, everyone else was just as still and quiet as they were—a “Christmas hangover”, as Race put it.

Jack moved through his pre-show preparations like he was moving through soup. Everything seemed more difficult than it should be, even simple things like rolling the cart-mounted carousel horses across the wagon house or rigging the carnival games. Elaine trudged through the wagon house, dragging the z-rack full of freshly-pressed dress shirts and scowling as the first performers began to arrive and fill the wagon house with their chatter—although even they weren’t as loud as normal. Not that anyone on the crew was complaining about that.

The only group that had even close to its normal level of energy was the child and teenage performers, who burst through the door in small packs, each one its own explosion of noise and color and force. Behind one of the little groups—the one containing one Leslie Jacobs—Jack had to hide a grin at the sight of an utterly exhausted-looking Davey Jacobs. When Davey caught sight of Jack, he perked up and smiled, giving the other man a small wave, before vanishing into the stairwell. A few minutes later, he was back, and sat down next to Jack on the bench by the stage right door with a sigh.

“How was your break?” Jack laughed.

“Well, we kind of crammed everything about Hanukkah—besides the candles; we did those during Hanukkah, but didn’t have time for anything else between working and finals and everything—into the past three days, and spent a lot of time on video chat with our parents. They wanted to come home, but decided it was probably best to just wait until the show closed because a lot of the time a second round of sick goes through in the last week just because everyone’s exhausted.”

“Great,” Jack groaned.

They watched Albert and Elaine walk past and pointedly ignore each other. Both of them arched their eyebrows at the odd interaction—or, rather, lack thereof—and watched the two head their separate directions.

“That was weird,” Davey observed.

“Yeah… I’m not really sure what it’s about. They were fine earlier.” Jack looked around and waved JoJo over. “Hey, what’s up with Albert and Elaine.”

JoJo shrugged. “Who knows. We’re all exhausted. They always fight when they’re tired. It’s probably nothing.”

Before the break, Jack had thought that the final Sunday’s show had been the slowest of the run. He had been wrong. The first show back was the slowest one—literally and figuratively; not only did it feel like it was dragging on, but, upon checking the time on his phone (repeatedly) he realized that was actually taking longer than normal to get through the show.

“Does the music sound slower to you?” he asked Race and Albert at one point as they moved the stage right house into place for a scene.

“Definitely,” Race grumbled.

“Even the band is out of patience with the show,” said Albert.

The second act, despite the high-energy start with the dancing and singing elves, things seemed to get even slower. From Race’s headset, Jack could hear the stage manager complaining about the lack of energy and speed—very loudly—and had to laugh. There was nothing to be done about it, after all.

The second show wasn’t much better, although the tempo picked up a little bit. They were still a few minutes longer than their normal run time, but had halved the amount of time that the day’s first show ran over.

For the rest of the week, things slowly moved closer and closer to normal. Everyone was still quiet and a bit lackluster, but the onstage energy picked up considerably the more shows they did—and the closer to closing they got. No-one ever figured out why Elaine and Albert were mad at each other, and Jack had a sneaking suspicion even the two of them wouldn’t have been able to answer if asked, but they were back to their normal scheming selves in a few days. Jack and Race decided to thank Mike, Ike, and JoJo for that, as another snowball war had been started—although this one was a stealth version that involved sneaking up on people before, after, and between shows; during intermissions; and even during lulls in the shows themselves and snipe-shotting one’s opponent with one of the little stuffed snowballs. Elaine always had a snow-puff in one of her apron pockets, and Albert kept at least one in the cargo pockets of his pants at all times. Jack guessed that Mike, Ike, JoJo, and Romeo—who was drawn into the war a little later—kept them on their persons most of the time as well. He never quite got used to the sight of fist-sized balls of fluff flying past his face in the middle of carrying props across the wagon house, usually followed by a startled yelp.

To everyone’s surprise, Elaine was the best participant in the war, and, when they were scolded by Weisel and called the competition off, she was declared MVP. Despite self-professed bad aim and poor depth perception—which the others could confirm, as other accuracy-based games that were played amongst the crew had illustrated her poor performance in these categories over the past months—she was scarily accurate with the light snow-puffs. It became common for her opponents to be in the middle of a conversation only to have a small ball of fiberfill and faux fur hit them in the back or head and to see a giggling, grinning Elaine dart around a corner or into a stairwell on the far side of the wagon house.

As they counted down to their final show, it was almost like everyone’s breath was held at the same time. The shows started to get faster now, and the protests by the stage manager over headset became pleas to slow down rather than speed up. Even the dancers commented on the increase in tempo, coming off from the tap number and elf sections breathless, sweaty, and laughing. A new energy seemed to be building up amongst both cast and crew, and Jack felt himself getting caught up in it without even noticing, the sort of energy that came with a storm on the horizon, with a wave about to crest in the ocean—with any sort of impending change.

Yet, with that nervous energy came an odd undercurrent of sorrow. As awful as so many of the parts of the show and its run had felt, as draining as the experience had been, as much as Jack wanted to be able to take a few days and just sleep—even though he knew that half of January was packed full of concerts and tours so he wouldn’t be able to do so for long—he was sad to see the show ending. Les Mis hadn’t felt like this, at least not that he could remember. He had felt ambivalent to tear that set apart after the final show, and happy to run his track for the final time. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had spent more time and energy working on the Christmas build, or just because he had grown so much more attached to the people he worked (and lived) with during this run, but he was truly sorry to see it go.

December 29th, 2019 was the second-to-last night of shows. Most of the performers spent more time than usual in the dressing rooms after the show, collecting personal belongings to take home with them. Many of them would be leaving the city or even state the next day, after the final show, heading for jobs at other theatres, as most of them weren’t permanent residents—the exceptions being two of the male singers, along with Alan, Alden, Will, and the show captain—of Santa Fe. One of the kid casts had had their final show the day before and had said tearful goodbyes to the adult cast members, each other, and even some of the crew. Some of them had returned tonight to see some of their friends on the other cast, and another round of tears went through the wagon house. Tonight’s kids cast had laid out their show t-shirts on the wagon house carpet and asked everyone to sign them. To his surprise, even Jack had been asked to sign several, and had reluctantly given in and done so.

Another reason that the ending of the show was particularly bittersweet, for Jack and his roommates, was that Will had told them, a few weeks earlier, that he would be moving back home to London in January, after accepting a job there. Despite jokes about having more space in the apartment and one less person to share the bathroom with, everyone was sad to see him leave, even Jack and Crutchie, despite only having known him for a few months. As the penultimate show drew to a close, Jack couldn’t help but notice Alan, Alden, and Elaine’s misty eyes as they prepared to say goodbye to their long-time friend and partner. He swallowed a lump in his own throat. It would certainly be strange to not hear Will’s accent somehow always discernible through the chatter of the entire cast, or run into him heading for the bathroom in the middle of the night at home. He’d be around for another week before leaving—it wasn’t like he was flying out after the last show, like most of the others, but quite suddenly it felt very much like he was going to be gone before they knew it. Maybe, Jack thought, that the show they had almost felt would go on forever was finally coming to an end…

#newsies #fanfic #fanfiction #twelfth night #twelfth night (newsies) #the theatre au #newsies au #newsies fic #newsies modern au #newsies theatre au #jack kelly (newsies) #jack kelly #elaine o’dell (newsies oc) #albert dasilva #albert (newsies) #jojo de la guerra #jojo (newsies) #davey (newsies) #davey jacobs (newsies) #davey jacobs #race higgins #racetrack (newsies) #racetrack higgins #race (newsies) #will (newsies oc) #romeo (newsies) #mike and ike (newsies)

[lilikags]

Maybe Homework Isn’t So Bad After All (Hinata Shoyo x reader)

Contrary to popular opinion, homework can actually have a positive effect. Sometimes. 

Pairing: Hinata Shoyo x Kageyama’s sister reader Type: fluff Before you read notes: ... can I just say fried rice? 

"Woah! Kageyama, your house's so cool!" Hinata's eyes beamed, seeing the Kageyama's front door. It was a bit more modern, though smaller than his own.

"It's a normal house...." Tobio looked at Hinata, feeling done with him and his energetic energy. You heard the noise and peeked through the door.

"Oh, you brought home a friend? You should tell me these things; the house's a mess. I guess the least I could do is put together some snacks." You looked at Hinata. "Oh, you're the Hinata Tobio keeps talking about, right? Sorry about the house, it's a mess."

"It's awesome!" Hinata jumped and hit his head, apparently trying to express how cool the house was.

"Oh, you okay? I'll get some ice if you need-"

"He's fine." Tobio answered. "He's hit his head before, no big deal."

"What if it's-"

"I'm okay!" Hinata flashed a bright smile. You guided them to the living room- that was the part of the house you would lead guests to whenever they came over. You sat down, next to your brother.

"Uh, so you're here to hang out? Study?" you tried to start a conversation.

"Kageyama and I don't have good grades... and we need to pass all of our classes to go to the training camp..." Hinata's smile dropped.

"Well, I'm sure you can figure it out! If you need help, you can ask me, but don't expect me to be as good as your teacher. Good luck! Call me if you need any help." you waved to them and went back to your room. You had some homework left to do, so you decided that you would finish that before playing some games.

You have always loved video games. Tobio has always loved volleyball. It seemed like he inherited all of the physical talent while you inherited all of  smarts. You weren't that smart, but you were somewhat at the top of your class. You were also in advanced math, meaning that you were taking Algebra 2 in 10th grade. It wasn't that hard, since you had time to study and actually paid attention in class, unlike your brother. Though, you couldn't really blame him. He always, in your opinion, got back too late at night and was exhausted from practice. Of course, he would be tired the next day as well.

You set to work, putting all of your focus on your homework so that you could play some games. You did have a test next week, but you could totally study tomorrow. It's not like it's hard anyways; you could probably take a couple of  hours to study for it and you'd be just fine. You knew you were procrastinating, and you did believe you were too good at it, but you saw no reason to stop. After all, if everything ended up okay, it's all good.

The homework was surprisingly easy; you got through it in half an hour and you set on to your games. You unplugged your phone, which was now at full battery. You put in the password and opened up (favorite game). You were getting into it, remembering all of your plans and strategies you had in mind. After all, a strategy is absolutely necessary to climb the ranks.

You decided to start off with some pvp, to get your adrenaline up. Pvp was always exciting for you; real-time strategy and the randomness of debuff landings (that sometimes did not land) always made it more fun. Real-Time Arena was your favorite; countdowns limited the amount of time you could think about your next move and that was exhilarating.

Unfortunately, you were interrupted by the two boys knocking on your bedroom door. "(f/n)-san!" You turned around and opened the door, "You need help?" They both nodded and you asked what they needed help with.

"(f/n)-san, we don't understand how commas work." Ah, commas. You were always good at English grammar, and it actually came as easily to you as Japanese. Maybe learning languages was what you were good at.

So, you sat down between them so that they could more easily see what you were writing, and you answered their questions as you explained it. You even stayed around to make sure they would remember it for the test.

By the time you were done, it was close to midnight. Since today was a Friday, there was no school the next day. That meant you could play games. You stood up to stretch, pulling your arms over your head and touching your toes.

"(f/n)-san, thanks a lot!" Hinata flashed a bright smile. You never really smiled like that anymore. You used to, as a young child, but nothing could ever make you smile like that these days. You softly smiled back and quietly closed the door, returning to your room.

You started to decide what game you were going to play, but you were interrupted by the doorbell. You wondered who it was; who would ring the doorbell so late at night? You looked through the window, and found your best friend, (b/f/n), standing in front of the door and holding a bag of your favorite snack, [favorite snack].

"What's up?" you greeted (b/f/n).

"Let's play [favorite mobile game] together." (b/f/n) explained, and you understood what was happening immediately. (b/f/n)'s parents always went out on a romantic vacation around this time, and she would always come over to play mobile games when that happened.

You welcomed her into the house, and the two of you headed towards your room. You passed by the living room, where Tobio and Hinata were. You checked on them, making sure they were okay, and they were talking about the practice match they recently had against Aoba Johsai.

Suddenly, as you were about to leave them along, (b/f/n) blurted out, "Do you guys wanna play [favorite mobile game together]?"

"Huh? But (b/f/n), they don't play games like that-" She cut you off, "The more the merrier, right? It doesn't hurt to play!" You looked at your brother and Hinata.

"Sure! I'd love to play!" Hinata pulled out his phone. Tobio tried to object, but he gave in and soon enough, everyone was playing [favorite mobile game] in the living room. Hinata somehow was good at it, and it surprised you how much he was progressing in just a few hours. Tobio was the slowest out of the two of them, and you giggled at that.

You didn't think teaching the two boys how to play would be fun, but it was plenty enjoyable. The four of you played all night, not a single one of you regretting hanging out all night one bit. All of you were exhausted, and Tobio and (b/f/n) had fallen asleep earlier, and it was just you and Hinata. The both of you were tired from staying up all night, and you finally gave in to fatigue and closed your eyes.

♡~ᴛɪᴍᴇꜱᴋɪᴘ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʙʏ ɴᴏʏᴀ~♡

Your eyes fluttered open to a sunset. You looked at the clock, and it read "1:23 PM". You lifted your head, which had been resting on something, something warm. You looked to your right, and you saw Hinata there. Upon realizing you had slept on Hinata's shoulder, you blushed.

"Oh my god, I just slept on his shoulder, (b/f/n)'s gonna make fun of me when she wakes up, Tobio's going to yell at both of us, accuse him of doing something, oh my god, there's going to be chaos..." you freaked out, your thoughts going wild. You attempted to reorganize yourself, "Okay, calm down. You're getting nowhere with this. Let's just get up and make some food. I'm sure everyone's hungry."

You got up, and you heard Hinata stir. You hoped you didn't bother him and walked to the kitchen, grabbing an apron and getting some ingredients for the fried rice you were going to cook. You were never great at cooking, but you've always loved fried rice.

Fried rice was the first dish you ever learned how to make. After years of perfecting your own recipe, it was what you considered part of your pride. You always poured your heart into this dish when making it, and this time was no exception.

You hummed while cooking, enjoying it. Whenever Tobio wasn't home and you had the house all to yourself, you would sometimes cook, especially when you were stressed. You were lost in your own thoughts, when you heard someone move a chair. You turned around, surprised.

"Oh, Hinata-kun! Good morning, or I guess it's afternoon now. Are you hungry?" you asked, transferring the fried rice from a pan to a large bowl.

"Yeah, a bit. Actually, that fried rice smells great! Do you mind if I have some?" Hinata asked, excitement showing on his expression.

"Uh, sure. I made it for everyone anyways; I figured we'd all be hungry when I woke up," you replied, scooping a portion into a bowl and handing it to him. You hand him some chopsticks and you hear him thank you for the meal. You smiled as you saw him eat the fried rice; it looked like he was enjoying it.

"(f/n)-san! This is really good!" Hinata exclaimed. "I could eat this every day! How do you make it?" You were taken by surprise. You never thought someone outside of your own family would compliment you. "Oh, thanks. Well, uh-" You were cut off by your brother, who had just woken up. "Oi, Hinata! Why are you yelling so loud in the morning?!"

"It's already the afternoon! Anyways, (f/n)-san's fried rice is really good!" Hinata yelled back.

"Ah, so that's what the smell was. Did you make any for me?" he turned to you. You nodded and handed him a bowl and his chopsticks.

Soon enough, (b/f/n) woke up and you gave her the last bowl of fried rice you had prepared. When you were all done, you washed the plates, and Hinata offered to help. You declined at first, but he insisted. You gave up and let him help you. (b/f/n) and Tobio went to continue playing that game; they were both really into it.

"Ring ring ring" Hinata's phone rang. He picked it up, and you could hear a woman from the other side. You assumed it was his mom; no one thought to call his family that he was staying here. You could hear Hinata apologizing, and you handed over the phone to you.

"Uh, hello? I'm Kageyama (f/n). Sorry for not letting you know Hinata-kun was staying over here; I should have called to make sure it was okay with you-" Hinata's mom cut you off, "No, no, it's okay. I'm sorry you had to put up with Shoyo, he must have been troublesome to take care of."

"No, no! We all played games last night; it was more fun with him around." you spoke with his mom a bit longer, and when you hung up, you handed his phone back to him.

"My mom didn't scold you, did she?" he asked.

"No, no. She's really nice!" you shook your head. His mom had asked him to go home, so he left soon later.

"Hey, (f/n)-chan, you like Hinata-kun, don't you?" (b/f/n) sneaked up from behind you.

"Ah!" you turned around. "No, I don't!"

"Then, why fried rice taste so good?"

"I must have improved."

"No way! Not that much in such little time! It has to be love!"

"No, it's not..." you looked down in embarrassment.

♡~𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒑 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒚 𝑯𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒂'𝒔 𝒃𝒊𝒌𝒆~♡

Hinata ended coming to your house to play [favorite mobile game] with you, Tobio, and sometimes (b/f/n) pretty often. The four of you became pretty close, especially you and Hinata.

You and Hinata, who you now called Shoyo, were the last ones awake. The four of you had played games all night, and of course, (b/f/n) and Tobio fell asleep first. After all, they were prone to that.

"Hey, (f/n)." Shoyo turned to you.

"Hm?" you turned to him.

"Maybe homework isn't so bad after all. It's what brought the four of us together..."

~END~

2015 words! I didn't imagine it would be this long. Anyways, how'd you like it? I'm thinking of making a part 2, should I? Thanks for reading! Love, Lili Kags♡♡♡

Edited: 10/13/20

Credits: header image is from unsplash

#lili kags #hinata shoyo #hinata x reader #hinata x y/n #haikyuu x reader

[theolddarkmachine]

Imaginary- Chapter One

Midoriya Izuku’s life was turned upside by fate.

Eri’s life was turned upside down by circumstance.

And Bakugou Katsuki is about to learn that even imaginary friends need to grow up.

Also on AO3

A/N: Whoo buddy, why is it so scary posting something for a new fandom? Maybe it’s because I’ve been suffering severe writing burnout for the past handful of months, or maybe it’s because I didn’t even realize I was going to write anything for this pairing until the idea struck me. Whatever it is, I guess welcome to my first ever BakuDeku fic lol please be gentle with me Gonna go big or go home with this bad boy, so I hope you guys like it enough to stick around for the long haul with me. Anyway, this is the If You Could See Me Now AU I always wanted to write, but never had a pairing that I thought fit it the way I wanted it to be.

***********************************

Imaginary friends are meant to help those who have forgotten how to smile.                                                                                            -Yagi Toshinori

***

Staring down into the brown depths of his coffee, Midoriya Izuku wills the caffeine to enter his bloodstream through instantaneous osmosis. It’s all in vain, he knows, but he’d do just about anything to combat the fatigue that has turned his brain into mush.

The tired that he feels is a different kind of tired than what he was used to.

Before, the black bags under his eyes were somewhat of a badge of honor, only proving how much work he was putting into his latest case.

Before, while he would feel the quiet ache of his sleep deprivation like a second coat around his shoulders, it had never felt suffocating or as if it was sucking the very life out of him.

Of course, before, he had been working his way through the ranks of the Tokyo police department, married to his job and returning to a quiet and empty home at night with his only care in the world being how he would tackle his next day of work.

The sound of the chair beside him grating across the linoleum as it’s pulled out drags him forcefully from the depths of his mug as he looks over to the 4-year-old girl who has joined him.

Eri had been the result of his greatest work accomplishment.

The department had been working on trying to land a blow on the Shie Hassaikai since before Izuku had shown up as their newest recruit, bright eyed and bushy tailed, and wholly unaware of the fact that in just five years time he’d have a hand in the biggest bust of a criminal organization in Tokyo’s modern history.

Years of planning, and stakeouts, and undercover had led his team to the front door of a warehouse. Tucked in a corner of an unassuming commercial dock, they had burst through the front door with gas and guns, and managed to capture the group’s tactical mastermind, Chisaki Kai.

After putting the biggest names of Shie Hassaikai into the backs of several police cruisers, they’d searched the docks only to find a shipping container filled with kids. Ranging in age from 4 to 14, they had cowered instinctively against the opening of the doors, shrinking back into the shadows and looking at the policemen in a way that had made Izuku’s stomach turn.

It had taken time to get them all out of there, and then to find the homes that they had been torn from. Reunion after reunion had come until finally there was one left.

Eri, the youngest of the group, had been the slowest to open up to them and even when she had, it had only been to Izuku. She had clung to him by the end of the first week, only taking food and drink from him, and very quietly whispering answers to his questions.

That was how he had found that of the 23 children they had rescued that night, Eri was the only one whose parents wouldn’t be coming to pick her up. The couple had found themselves on the receiving end of Shie Hassaikai’s anger. Their ending had been somewhat of an easy out in comparison to the future they had unknowingly subscribed their daughter to.

The department had told Izuku what the next steps were to be. Eri would be placed in foster care where she would hopefully find a new home before she turned 18 years old and found herself out on the street.

There was no secret as to what happened to most kids in the system, and as far as he had seen it, Eri was going from one horrible situation to another, and all because of the folly of adults. No one deserved that.

She didn’t deserve that.

So, he did the only thing he could think of.

He adopted her.

And even now, three months later in a new home in an old town and temporarily jobless, he doesn’t regret.

That being said, he is fucking tired.

Who knew raising a 4 year old alone would sap the very life out of you?

Well, besides most parents, and now, Izuku.

In hindsight, he supposes it only been a matter of time. He had been running on fumes and caffeine before he even brought Eri into his life. There was only so long that he could have viably maintained properly caring for the girl, getting her to daycare every morning, working a ten hour shift, picking her up, feeding her, getting her to bed, going over what needed to be done for his latest case before passing out for a few hours of sleep, and then waking up bright and early to do it all again.

At the end of it all, he’s sure the only one who was surprised by his collapse at work had been himself.

You’re working yourself to the bone, his best friend and coworker Shinsou had said. Something has to give, Izuku.

The truth of it was that he had known that.

Had known it since the first couple of days when the gentle embrace of general fatigue had evolved into a sharp ache that he couldn’t shake. He’d made it two months, 6 days and 13 hours before it had finally caught up with him so that had to count for something.

Shinsou was right, and that’s how Izuku found himself sitting at a brand new table, in a brand new house, in the small town that he had run from all those years ago.

Moving back home had been the next logical step in the grand scheme of things. His mom could help with Eri, the price of living was significantly cheaper, and their police department was a branch off the main department in Tokyo which only made transferring all too easy.

After a couple of phone calls, a significant dip into his savings, and a seven and a half hour drive later, Izuku had officially started a new life.

About a month had passed since then, and while he hadn’t expected to have everything to be miraculously better, he had at least hoped he’d feel rested enough before starting work in a week’s time.

That, it seemed, had been a fruitless hope.

Because god damn, he was tired.

And judging from Eri’s wide yawn, she was too.

“Good morning,” he says, trying to ignore how his own voice is thick with sleep as he pushes a plastic container of chocolate donuts towards her.

“Morning Daddy Izuku,” Eri says sleepily, grabbing one of the small donuts with her small hands. As she munched on her donut, with her eyes locked on the table, Izuku looked over her. Her long, silvery blonde hair was knotted with wild bedhead that he was sure would take them quite a bit of time to tame, and lots of treat blackmail on his part to ensure she sat still for.

Slightly hunched and with her legs swinging as she continued to eat, and with her bright pink pajamas still slightly too big for her frame, she looked even smaller than she already was. She’d come such a far way from how Izuku had found her, but it still twisted his gut when he thought about how the sweet girl had seen more in her life than most adults.

Deep down, he knows it wasn’t his job to make up for the wrong the world had done to her, but he feels he owes it to her anyway.

If not his job, then whose, he wonders as he takes a sip of his coffee to swallow down the grit of sleep clinging to his throat.

“Want some milk?” He asks after resurfacing, getting up at the first sign of her small nod. Gently putting his mug on the mahogany table, he turns toward the kitchen.

With his back to Eri, he misses the way her eyes shift quickly to the chair next to her, and the wide grin her mouth pulls into as she reaches her hand into the plastic container for another donut.

Placing it on the table, she nods before stuffing the rest of her own donut in her mouth.

When Izuku returns, Eri’s own small pink mug in his hand, the donut beside her is gone.

***

There was something comforting, yet altogether depressing about the fact that his mother’s home hadn’t changed at all in the 26 years that Izuku had been alive. Just walking through the front door had transported him back to a time that had been altogether easier.

At the time, he had taken the ease for granted, instead focusing on how he had always felt like something had been missing.

Not that Izuku had ever thought anything as grand as being meant for so much more, but he had always had dreams that at least amounted to so much more than the town of Noto and its population of almost 18,000.

And now he was back and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel small.

It didn’t help being surrounded by photos documenting his life, most notably the large graduation photo on the mantle, taken just after he’d received his badge from the academy.

“Izuku,” his mom’s voice was gentle as it prodded him straight out of his thoughts and back onto the grey couch in which he sat. Her eyes conveyed the same gentleness, encapsulated in a green that was a little less like the hard emerald of his own, and more like a calm sea.

They seemed to see through him as he made a questioning sound in his throat.

“I asked how Eri was liking that daycare! They had wonderful reviews, and while I’m sure they aren’t as good as Mrs. Tanoshi was, I guess we don’t have much of a choice since that poor woman is almost 80 now,” she says, her voice comforting as it rambled just slightly about Izuku’s old caretaker.

He bites back on a comment about how he had thought she had already been closer to ancient, even back then.

“She seems to like it,” Izuku says instead, shifting his gaze over his mother’s shoulder and toward the patio door where he can see Eri smiling and playing by herself in the yard. “She’s been happier at least, especially the last couple of days.”

Outside, he sees Eri run as if she’s chasing something, her mouth split wide around a laugh he can’t hear. His heart squeezes with a feeling he’s starting to realize is a mix of pride and something like adoration.

“That’s so good, Izuku,” his mom says warmly, her eyes still cutting through him as he turns his gaze back to her. Lips pulled up gently in the corners, she’s looking at him with that all knowing mom look.

“What?” He finds himself asking, fully indignant like the teen the house made him feel like again.

In his peripheral, he sees a ball fly high as it arced across the yard.

“Nothing, honey,” she says, gently grabbing his knee as she leans in. It’s a soothing sort of touch before she continues, “I’m just so proud of you, is all.”

Heat rises up and over his neck, racing to his cheeks and turning his skin what he’s certain is a terrible shade caught between sunburn and tomato.

Admittedly, he and his mom had always had a good relationship.

If anyone had asked her, she’d tell them Izuku had been a wonderful child, filled with imagination and idealism and dreams. If anyone asked Izuku, he’d tell them his mom had been a sweet mother who had taught him with a stern but loving hand, and who had always supported him in his dreams even when she was worried.

She’d always said she was proud of him, but something about the way she said it now, her eyes sparkling with something unknown to him, made his eyes burn.

“I know you always wanted to be a hero, Izuku,” she says, squeezing his knee, “and now you are one.”

The acknowledgement buries itself deep in the center of his chest as he tries to swallow down the lump that’s forming in his throat.

“I know it’s hard, trust me. Parenting isn’t easy, honey. But you have to know that you’re that little girl’s hero,” she concludes before smiling wider at him. Letting go of her hold, she pats his leg before pushing herself off the couch and turning to look out the patio doors.

Keeping his gaze on his mother’s back, Izuku clears his throat and quickly passes the back of his hand across his eyes to catch the moisture that has collected at their edges.

“We should probably get going,” he manages to get out as he stands up beside her. Izuku stands taller than her by a head, yet he still feels small as he looks out towards the yard and the girl sitting in the middle of it. With one hand, she’s steadying it on top of a finger on her other hand, face twisted in concentration before she gives it a spin. For just a moment it looks as if it may actually balance there before it falls down to the side.

There’s a breath where she watches it roll away before she laughs.

“Mom?” Izuku says, keeping his eyes trained on the four year old.

“Yes, sweetie?” She hums, not bothering to turn back toward him.

“Thank you.”

Her answering chuckle is low as she moves around her coffee table and in the direction of her kitchen.

“I’ll pack you both up some cookies,” she says before disappearing to make good on her word.

Left alone in the living room, Izuku takes a steadying breath before pushing his way out into his mom’s backyard. Eri is standing now, having gotten up to chase after the ball that had rolled towards his mom’s herb garden in the corner. With her back to him, she seems to be looking at the plants with the ball hugged to her chest.

Moving in her direction, he’s a couple feet away when he hears her small voice.

“— Grandma Inko is a really good planter,” he hears her say almost conspiratorially. There’s a heartbeat of silence before she giggles and shakes her head.

“It’s not boring! They started as seeds and now they’re plants!” Eri exclaims, turning her face as if looking at something. Izuku watches as her smile grows before she shakes her head again.

“You’re silly, not everyone can make plants. Daddy Izuku says he once killed a plastic plant and those aren’t even real.”

Then, her mouth forms a look of surprise as she fully turns to face him.

“Hey Daddy Izuku!” She says happily, closing the small distance between them with a slight bounce. Clutching the ball to her tummy still, she looks up to him with her smile still wide. Warmth spreads through his chest as he drops down to her height and reaches out to pull a piece of grass from her hair.

“Hey Eri,” he smiles back as he flicks the offending piece of plant life away. “Who are you talking to?”

The question is out of his mouth before he can think to swallow it. It earns him a confused look before Eri turns to look to her side for a barely there moment before giving a small nod and turning her attention back to him.

Pulling a hand away from her ball, she waves it to her side as if showcasing something.

Izuku isn’t sure how it happens, but her smile seems to get brighter as she says, “This is Kacchan!”

***

Izuku’s room is too dark and too quiet as he stares up at the ceiling from where he lays in his bed. His sheets are pooled at his waist and his arms are folded across his chest as he imagines he can see paint shapes in the shadows across the white above him.

It was already usually pretty hard for him to get to sleep here. He’d grown used to the sound of the city, and hadn’t realized it had been its own sort of lullaby until he had moved. Tonight, however, the issue is less the lack of noise and light, and more the interesting new development that seemed to have landed in his lap.

Kacchan, he thinks as he breathes heavily out his nose. Eri’s new imaginary friend.

After she’d introduced him, it seemed that whatever wall she had constructed around the imaginary fellow had collapsed, and she had chattered with this Kacchan for the rest of the evening.

In the back of the car, at the dinner table— where she’d even asked for Kacchan to have his own place setting— and even at bedtime when she’d told the specter goodnight. It was, in a word, odd.

Yet she had looked so genuinely happy that Izuku had bit his tongue as he just nodded along, acting as if he could see this pretend friend of hers and even setting down a plate for him next to Eri. Even though it was a small amount, he still lamented the wasted curry. It was one of the few meals he actually knew how to cook well, and though he knows all the books say to encourage the imagination, it still stung a bit knowing he would end up throwing away the food at the end of the night.

At least, so he had thought. He isn’t sure how she had managed it, but at some point he must have looked away because when it was time to clean up, the plate had been cleared of its food.

It wasn’t the only weird thing that had happened in relation to this Kacchan, either. When Eri had first introduced the friend, Izuku could have bet a heavy sum that he had actually heard someone there. The soft sound, something like a haughty scoff, had caused a chill to run down his spine and momentarily consider the possibility that maybe Eri was actually being haunted. He’d quickly chalked it up to his own lack of sleep playing tricks on him, but that didn’t stop him from feeling as if he was being watched for the rest of the day.

Shaking the phantom feeling and bewildering thought, Izuku squeezes his eyes shut before opening them again to the darkness of his ceiling.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend, he knows. Hell, he had had one as a kid.

All Might had been his name. Izuku remembers him vividly. He was the reason he’d wanted so desperately to become a hero before he grew enough to know that imaginary friends were only that, and that it was severely frowned down upon to run around in spandex and a cape.

All Might had been his best friend though, helping him right after his father had walked out on him and his mom. He supposes after everything she’s been through, it only made sense that she would come up with an imaginary friend. In fact, with that in mind, he could probably say it’s a bit weird that it took so long for it to happen.

Eyes burning and vision blurring, Izuku’s eyelids start to fight against his insomnia.

He’ll have to keep an eye on it all the same, he thinks as his blinks start to grow longer. Izuku still remembers the pain he had felt when his own had disappeared.

It isn’t too much longer until sleep finally pulls him into its inky embrace.

************************************

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bkdk #bakudeku #bnha #this fic will eventually be rated e like 16 chapters from now lol until then it's a solid T for Teen #alternate universe #the if you could see me now au no one asked for #slow burn #above all else this is a coming of age story #hope you enjoy the ride

[maikatc]

Black Sun Tale | Dearest

i feel like this chapter has a lot. huh. i’m the the lot is some great content though.

remember that this is a first draft with only minor edits, but enjoy! comments and reception is always appreciated.

-

A snore crept out of one of the two, gentle albeit messy… What a distracting noise, yet that of comfortable nostalgia from being bothered by such a thing, even if both were asleep. 

Though regardless, the spring sunrise shined from the window. Its rays focusing on the room and gleaming on the third-grade textbooks, barely finished, or the piles of papers and utensils on the floor. The conundrum of a mess bustling itself with scribbles of drawings and poetry and leftover clothing picked out after shopping with assumedly-stolen money. Sheet music notes and lesson-charts sat comfortably on the side, piling itself and waiting for when it can scatter around the room with the rest. A ukulele shined from next to the bed and the bookshelf left ignored from the wavering sun whilst a switchblade was left hidden and ignored in the closet for the first time in ages. And with such a sight from the young boys’ room, the loving chaos still hid from outsiders that never knew of one of the two. 

Those two however, shined beyond the rest. From one taking up majority of the bed, and the other almost fighting back with the blankets, they tangled up together in comfort of one another. Their breathing calmed with both of their touch from an earlier embrace and the mere knowledge of the other’s presence lifted one’s fears.  

In the light, one awoke, bothered by it. His mixed eyes pinched with the rising sun, and in the matter of seconds, he realized their tangled position. Despite the oddity, he chuckled silently at the normality. With careful arms, he unraveled Oliver’s arms over his and attempted his best at rolling off again. 

“You aren’t leaving him, are you,” she asked.

“Of course, not,” he whispered back. Away from the bed, his mind wandered to what item in the room to pick up first. For one, the instrument was off limits for the time being after almost breaking a string. Secondly, a sad burnout began erupting for him towards his sketchbook, as Oliver explained prior. Silence was always a rule for the night by Ayu’s standards, from when he snuck across rooms to be rid of his mother’s bottles, to even then to not possibly wake another mother. 

He would have winced at the last choice of the textbook, however in his luck, Oliver stirred. Stirring always meant his soft waking in Ayu’s head. In the anticipation of the new day, Ayu lofted his head at the bed again, waiting for Oliver’s stirring to end, and his eyes to flutter up. 

Oliver met his innocent eyes when he first awoke, shining brightly with those colors of blue and grey, no red in sight. His hands clasped empty, with the person he hugged in the night sitting on the floor next to him. Groggy, he sat up, pulling the blankets that fell over back into the bed. “Can you fix the blankets today?” 

“Yeah.” Oliver rolled out of bed himself with the reply from Ayu. “If you let me skip the math questions today,” he smiled. 

“Ayu, you can’t avoid long division for a week.” Oliver picked up some leftover papers from last night on the floor, forming yet another pile. “It isn’t even that hard to figure out.”

“Says the one who never struggled in school.” He grabbed a paper off of Oliver’s hands. “Besides, aren’t I getting a lesson from Eilwen today?”

“Yeah, but you haven’t seen her in a few months,” he took away the drawing. In it held a simple portrait of outside the window frame. Oliver smiled at the simplicity but continued, “And you haven’t been in school for almost five years. There’s a difference.” 

Ayu pouted, to Oliver’s pity.

“To make up for it, I’ll make whatever you’d like in the fridge,” Oliver said. 

He however retorted, “Isn’t that just the usual deal?”

That was actually a fair point surprisingly. “Well, yeah– but it’s better than nothing, isn’t it? Can’t do much when I’m eleven.”

“… I’ll take it.”

Ayu still sat on the floor with a paper and book on his lap; Oliver lied around in the freshened bed relaxing himself from finished work. Though, Ayu reached out the paper, pointing at a section of the notes, and asked, “Ollie, what’s the fraction remainder of this one?” 

“Two-thirds.” 

*

Eilwen sat by the edge of her candlelit room, darkened from the lack of light. Her head balanced crookedly to the rest of her body with her hands placed justly underneath. The pocket-watch seemed nowhere in sight but in front of her bestowed multiple items. 

Ayu stood by the door, thoughts curating on what sort of lesson he would experience today. His nose tickled and ran from the odd scent of the room. And his eyes burned for no apparent reason. However; remained quiet without much of a complaint.

“Ayu, you do know your eyes are bright red at the moment, correct?” 

In the question and the realization, he blinked and shook his head. “No, not really… But it doesn’t happen that much. Why does it smell funny in here?” 

She answered the second question as a brush off. “I burnt some sage here before you arrived to see effects on you. But, you’re saying your eyes are something of occasion,” she asked. 

“… I guess?” 

The tension grew from Eilwen’s end. She breathed out. “I didn’t call you here for a lesson,” she said, “You’re here so I can test you.”

“What?” The word test frightened Ayu from Oliver’s past mentions of it. “Why do you want to–”

“Your associations with Akeldama are rather peculiar, are they not?” She stood up, holding the first item up against her gloves. Despite the covered cloth, the item steamed in her hands. 

Ayu nodded, backing away in the process. 

“I want to understand why Akeldama has such affiliations with you from what Alice had told me… What your connection with him is, in a sense.” Her eyes tilted towards the other items behind them then. “I assume you heal quickly like Oliver?” 

The question rang worry. “Why are you asking?” 

“I won’t if you don’t abide to it, but I hoped to see at least some blood samples from you to be frank.” The item still steamed in her hand, but her face showed no reaction. 

The sight brought Ayu to ignore her answer. “Isn’t that thing painful?” 

She finally held it in the sight of Ayu; it was a cross. “Why, yes it’s supposed to from our contracts with Akeldama. But I’ve held one enough times for my hands to be null void.” Her eyes blinked into a pause. “It’s safe to assume that this may hurt, and you may run off if you like.”

But the door already left them. 

“Are you willing to help me run these tests?” 

With hesitance, but curiosity, Ayu nodded. 

“Thank you.” 

Soon enough, Ayu was seated in a chair placed near the table, oddly ready for any testing.

Kneeling closer to him, she asked, “Where would you want this placed if it stings?” 

He gestured at his legs, not as boney as their prior meeting, but enough for Eilwen to comment, “You seem to have harmed this place already…”

“Just get it over with,” he said. 

With an eye at him, she replied, “Alright. Please don’t kick if it does hurt. I’ve heard of your strength before.”

And with the comment, she placed the cross down on his shin in the slowest of pace. From the tip of the metal to the mass of the shape, a burning sensation kicked instantly. 

His urge to jolt attacked him with the pain, but instead of doing as such, he hissed instead for her favor, “Stop, stop, stop–”

She herself jolted from the command, and pulled back with a stern expression. Her eyes studied the shin it was placed in, “Oh dear.” 

The recovery from the pain still lasted, up to his stomach’s own urge to somehow vomit. “What?” 

“It seemed to have left a mark.” 

“It what?!” 

“Do you have a pain tolerance?” She asked. “Because it seems to be very harmful.” 

The surprise made Ayu fluster, “How bad is it?” 

“Close to blistering it appears,” she turned to him, “but it looks bad enough that you should have screamed…”

The scent of the room did not help with the minor pain that left regardless. “I can’t compare how bad it was… I don’t think I’ve been hit by someone before. I’ve only hit… others, and myself.” 

Her staring froze. “Is that where these bruises are from?” 

“Yeah,” he answered, “I’m dumb aren’t I?” 

“Idiotic.” A hand grabbed bandages from the side and wrapped both injuries. “Let’s see what’s next.”

She pricked deep enough into his finger for a decent amount in her sample vile. The color of his blood strained darker than most other shades he had seen. 

“What are you gonna do with that anyways?”

She answered, “Test it with everything else. The plant will be the more interesting subject considering how an iblis’ blood can be poisonous if found.”

“How poisonous is the monster blood?” It was a strange idea to Ayu, considering he had never seen the blood of the monsters before.

She scoffed, “You can turn into one of them yourself if you indulge in it, though it takes a couple of pints.” She grabbed the cursed cross again, “Let’s try it here first.” 

On top of a wooden plate, the experimenter tipped the vile ever so slightly. With time, the dark blood crept down on into the cross, and at the first touch, the blood burnt off.  

A click nipped from her lips. “Uncommon attributes in your blood I see.” 

Throughout the entire procedures, her hands never wrote notes onto anything, to Ayu’s notice. Her calculations all occurred in her head with little analysis, and the methods all formally played out in her assumptions. In curiosity of these readings, he asked her, “How do you know all this stuff?” 

Already, her focus faced the plant in the very corner. Its stems stuck up in thickness and lines whilst the leaves made no focus for themselves, leaving the stems to wander up and about around the vase. “I know most of these through experience. However, Alice did teach me of basic human study after her days in home remedy.”

Another drop formed from the vile into the plant, and after a mere second effects arose. 

Eilwen stepped back from the reaction, as the stems that stretched so lively began to wilt and grow black. All the parts of the plant dove down from its previous ways and lied dead on its vase with the dark colors quickly proceeding. 

“This…” Eilwen held her breath, only to Ayu’s wonder for the plant. 

Despite its obvious death, once the black corroded through the being, it dissolved back into the vase. Then abruptly sprouted again into snapping little creatures. The creatures almost hissed in wails, seeping out the tiniest bits of liquid, but soon enough a flame was put through it. 

The flame, brought upon by Eilwen and her candle, also died down relatively quickly with the monster. 

Without Ayu even realizing, Eilwen huffed from assumedly her held breath. “That…” She placed her candle down. “I wouldn’t have guessed.” 

The door appeared once again. 

“You may leave,” she said, “I believe I have enough of what I need… Be wary of what’s to come soon.”

*

Oliver left himself in his ‘I give up’ stance again, lying down in the grass field after ages of exhausting himself over shapeshifting. 

Into the sky, he groaned, “You think it’s supposed to be easier after making a fucking cup disappear but now you’re warping your physical form.” And the frustration leading his hands to pull his face. 

With the sky, he stared at it for far too long. Enough for his focus to trance into the abyss of his blank thoughts. But after another blink, a pair of eyes stared down at him. 

“What’re you doing,” Ayu asked. 

The suddenness of his appearance bolted Oliver up, knocking their foreheads together evenly. “Holy shit,” Oliver hissed while getting up, “where did you come from?”

“I just walked up here!”

“But I didn’t even–” He paused. “Is this how it feels to get invisible-pranked?”

In reaction and quick recovery form the hit, Ayu only blinked. “I don’t know.”

“Great response.” Oliver brought himself up again from Ayu’s arrival. “How come you’re here so early.”

A shrug rolled from his shoulders, “Eilwen let me off just now so I came to watch you practice.”

The new pressure of the hour claimed itself to Oliver. Now with his widened eyes and his lazy state, he waited for Ayu to add. 

“I’ll be quiet support,” he cheered with jazz hands, to the other’s adoration. “But… what are you doing?”

The topic, in which Oliver never wanted to try again, needed to be explained yet again by his sigh, “I got introduced to shapeshifting today.” 

“Oh, my God,” Ayu jumped in his seat, “You’re doing it for once?”

“Yeah,” the excitement rolled Oliver’s eyes over. “But, I have to figure out how to deteriorate my body first!”

And with just those words, Ayu’s expression changed and his head tipped over. 

“… I’ll turn into a black abyss then I can turn into things.”

“Oh!” The idea finally clicked. “That… Okay I get why that’s hard now.” 

Oliver nodded along with him, and sat back down with him. “Today I’m just trying to get my hand to warp.” He placed his hand into front attention, and both him and Ayu stared into it. 

“… Is anything gonna happen?”

“Nope.”

The issue brought some struggles into the table for Ayu’s day, as thought was required. Though luckily, ideas already crept through his mind during the conversation. “Did you try… turn your hand invisible.” 

The command baffled Oliver at first. “What? Okay.” But the command was simple by this point. Within a few seconds, his hand vanished between the two of them. “Now what?” 

He needed to think up of the words. “Pretend like that hand that should be there, belongs to someone else?” 

“Like whose?” 

“I don’t know.” Some digging dove in his mind. “Let’s say Faustus to make fun of him.” 

Oliver chuckled. 

“Faustus wants his hand back,” he said. “But you’re hiding that hand from him.”

“Through invisibility?” 

“No,” he replied. “From making it not exist for him.”

With his foreign words, Oliver followed what Ayu said with hesitance. “Now what?” 

“Turn off the invisible stuff.”

And from those silly words, Oliver did just that. His hand slowly revealed itself, to both of their dismay to see the typical brown. However, soon enough the tips of his fingers appeared, and one was missing.” 

For a few seconds, they both stared. Then Oliver spoke out, “What the fuck?” 

A bend of the hand later, the piece is still gone. He pulled it over and inside the missing piece of limb was a void of nothingness inside the hand. Eyes widened, Oliver shook it back and forth, and then poked himself with the finger. The piece literally was not present. 

Disheveled, Oliver confirmed, “Okay, so I think it worked, but how do I undo it?”

“Uh,” Ayu panicked after realizing even he never knew what he was saying. His own limbs shook in thinking. “Just think it exists again?” 

“I don’t think that’s enough description, Ayu!” 

“Do you think I know what description is,” he barked. “I don’t know, bite your finger?”

“Ayu,” Oliver stated, “My pain tolerance is nonexistent; I’ll bite my finger off if I do that.”

“Fuck you’re right,” he agreed. “And I don’t want to punch you again…”

“Why are all your backup options involving me getting beat up?” 

 Ayu answered back, “Because those are the ones I was always taught!”

“Well, that’s another thing that’s concerning but we’ll talk about that later,” he exclaimed. But it turned out that after their small argument, they looked back at the issue and it already returned. 

They both took a minute, but sighed in relief once they hit the ground. 

“… You really resort to punching?” 

Ayu reminded himself of the comment. After a few shuffles, he said, “I guess so.” He went on, “I ask what to do and it’s pretty much always fighting back… and hit yourself to make you stop. All that stuff.” 

A tense grew in Oliver. “Ayu, that’s really not a good thing?” He rolled over towards Ayu, leaning himself on one arm. “That’s just bad for your wellbeing, and makes you a dick. Besides, it’s cooler to use your wits nowadays.”

Ayu replied, “But I’m not smart, I’m just dumb.” 

And at that moment all the insults Oliver threw months before clicked back to him. Oh shit. “You can be smart, like just now. You were able to figure out deterioration before I could.” 

“I guessed though. I didn’t even know what I was saying.”

“But it worked.” 

“Even though I couldn’t help you get rid of it…” His body turned around, away from Oliver. 

A small frown packed Oliver’s face, obvious of Ayu’s growing discomfort. A new strategy had to be formed, quickly at that. He stood up from their lazy states. “You know what? I think I know what we could do while we’re here.”

“What?”

And Oliver turned invisible. 

“Really,” Ayu complained. 

However, it was all in Oliver’s plans of new fun. Backing up, he set himself to charge at Ayu and run away of impact. Luckily, he gained some speed through his dieting, and the abilities helped. After a decent distance, enough to only view Ayu as a well-sized blob, he ran towards him. Swiftly, the breeze grazed his hair and face at the charge, and with nifty hands, he patted Ayu’s head. 

“Tag,” he yelped while appearing again, only to hide himself once more. 

“Oh,” Ayu got up as well. “Oh, you little fuck,” he smiled. A jump and a kick off later, and he busted running in his speeds.

The speed itself flinched Oliver for its arrival, but he laughed and continued running nonetheless. 

For Ayu, however, was a different story. Despite Oliver’s own advantage of his invisibility, the crunches he formed onto the grass still paved his path everywhere he ran. Then lurking in his ears, Ayu heard those footsteps and all the twists Oliver made in his own escape, an experience he already faced prior. But regardless, he played along with Oliver’s sense of superiority in the game. 

“Come on, Ayu! I’m pretty sure out of anyone, you can catch me,” Oliver cheered. 

Oh, is that what he’s going for? Ayu sighed in his head, but figured Oliver was already putting all his efforts in anyways. Suppose he just wanted to lift his spirits, in fact, he was, but the comment already seemed forced. Regardless, he determined himself to take advantage of the moment. “Alright, guess I will.” 

Tracking Oliver’s running patterns seemed easy enough. His turns, after a good bit of fake-running and waiting, finally made to where Ayu could catch him. And at that time and curve, Ayu ran for the win. 

With Oliver’s breeze of a run, he turned his head to check Ayu’s whereabouts, ready for the next tease. However, he did not expect Ayu to run directly at him in the side, then tackling him with the yell of a, “Tag!” 

The momentum of the tackle left both of them falling and rolling together on the grass in recoil. Through the rolling and tumbling with grass sticking to their clothes, it ultimately ended up with Ayu pinning Oliver underneath him in winning fashion. They stared into each other, but the rolling pains hit them both as Oliver laughed, “Okay, I think I lost.”

Ayu, blinking for a second, laughed back and let go of the position, returning to lie down next to him. 

They giggled off a little more for the childish game, disregarding them still being children.

“The tackle didn’t do anything, did it?” 

“No,” Oliver reassured, “The rolls just cracked my bones a bit much.”

“No breaking?”

“Pretty sure not.”

The new silent peace brought upon Oliver to add on to it. “… How long has it been since we’ve met?”

Ayu said, “We met in October, so that’d make it seven months, right?”

“Good math.”

“Thanks.”

Oliver continued after his compliment. “A lot happened after that, didn’t it?”

“Mainly because of coincidences but fair point.” The grass itched Ayu’s skin but in a comforting manner. “Honestly, the monsters have been gone long enough that I can relax a little more.”

“Yeah, now I’m the only one you have to deal with.”

“Don’t say that!” 

Oliver giggled at his retort, “Okay I’m exaggerating; we haven’t seen the wolf in forever, I know. But you have to admit, I still have monstrous tendencies even if we doubt it.”

“Don’t we all?”

“… Yeah everyone here’s a little fucked up apparently.” 

A calming ambiance chilled them over while they gazed at the sky together. However, for Oliver, the topics that he hid from himself and Ayu rushed back in his mind through the silence. The time was perfect for him to ruin it, but everything always ruined everything, so he pushed ahead. 

“Ayu… How are you feeling right now?” 

Ayu tilted his head towards him. “Good? This is kinda nice, you can say.” 

“No, I don’t mean that,” Oliver said. “I mean, it’s good that you’re feeling good right now but–. How are you feeling about life? With how you got here, and the wishes, or your dreams?”

Ayu gripped his hair. “Isn’t that a little much to ask?” 

“I just want you to let out whatever’s in your mind for once,” Oliver said. “Since I don’t think you’ve ever gotten much of that.”

“Yes, I have,” he argued. 

But it was all invalid with, “Ayu, you told me you were taught to cope by beating stuff up six minutes ago.” 

The counter jabbed Ayu a bit with his own prior words. He blinked a few times, then breathed out. “Okay, but there’s not much to say.” 

“That’s fine, just let it out.” 

Thinking forced Ayu to sit up. “… Where do I start?”

“Anywhere, I assume. And I’ll ask as you go on probably.” 

That help reached Ayu as if nothing touched him. “Okay… I guess let’s start with my dreams?” 

No reply. 

“There’s nothing that bad with my dreams; actually, I think I like them,” he began. “Uhm, I like them because they’re good for my stories. But, they usually add more to it than needed from what people told me, and it makes everything too confusing for them to like. My stories are trashy, compared to how I wanted them to be since… I never told anyone this before, but…”

“But what,” Oliver asked. 

For some reason, Ayu could never control his grin at the motive. “I’m making my comics for somebody; I want them to be proud of me after I worked so hard.”

A smile crept from Oliver. “That’s pretty sweet.” 

However, the tone died after breaking innocence. “They don’t like how I made it, though. It��s disappointing… They said nobody would ever bother to read it… That’s one of the ways I’m kinda incompetent, really incompetent.” 

“Ayu, you’re not–”

“Shut up,” he exclaimed, “you already told me that a million times.”

His tone brought Oliver to fear in his tangent. Had he ever heard the boy tell him something like that?

“I’m an incompetent, dumbass kid,” he said. “I’m that dumbass who killed so many people because I asked without thinking. I was eight sure but can I do anything about it now? No; because I’m too fucking weak to do anything about it despite every step I take and I’m hurting people somehow.”

His words picked up in volume, and his speeds brought his monologue into rambling. The more he spoke, the more he pulled his hair as well. 

“Everybody is suffering because of me and my stupid, selfish wishes. I wanted to be a hero; I wanted to have friends, but I didn’t know what that meant. And I can’t stop it! I have to rely on everybody and sit around with only comics at my side and even that is terrible! I do nothing and I practically am nothing; pretty much nobody knows I exist anymore anyways. And none of this would have happened if I was a bitch and–”

With all of his huffs and drive, he stopped. Gasps for air came his way for his held breath. But soon, his breathing crumbled, along with his voice. 

“Why did I run…?”

All of his venting shook Oliver in his core. The pieces of this conclusion seemed as something that laid right in front of him for ages. Yet, only now did he see them pieced together. And that, processed poorly. “Ayu, what–”

Ayu propped himself up and his feet moved with his mouth. “Fuck this.” 

Oliver’s processing unit somehow slowed from its increasing malfunction. But once Ayu continued walking farther, he himself propped up into a quick run. “Ayu, wait.” He grabbed his hand, grasping it and holding it steady. Denying words could never work again, he figured. So, basic assurance seemed as the only thing of help. “It’s going to be okay.”

“How?!” 

He gulped, “I’m here… and we’ll fix it all together. One step at a time.” Lacing their fingers together, Ayu’s shaking, Oliver brought to him a smile. The same peaceful smile he raised up to his mom for so many years, all to preserve life behind the dread. 

Despite his efforts, Ayu did not turn and eye into it. Instead, he froze with the shaking hand, and clenched his grip. 

“Ayu,” he cried, “that–” but he stopped the rest of the sentence. Another trigger would ruin the moment, so he endured the pressure. 

And afterwards, Ayu chuckled with the smallest sound. “You’re a lot nicer than before. You know that?”

Ignoring the pain, he replied, “I’ve always been nice; it’s just that I think I forgot how to care for a while until you came along.”

“I’m just that much, aren’t I?” He yanked out of the hand-holding, much to Oliver’s lost balance. “We should go back to Alice. It’s been a while hanging out here.”

Regaining balance, Oliver stared at the now calm Ayu in disbelief, as it seemed he copied his own style of emotion recovery and avoidance. Well, not entirely, but similarly in nature. “Uh… Yeah I guess we should.”

As they arrived, Alice stood by the porch table, setting the final touches to what appeared as Oliver’s proper meal of the week. The faint scent already hit his nose as he waited for the satisfying dish. 

With a quick glance, Alice jeered out, “Oliver! How is your progress now?” 

“It’s okay,” he yelled back. “What’s the food today?” 

“An average roast. I didn’t have many ideas in mind today.” 

“Well, it still smells good,” he added. Once he reached to Alice’s spot, he took over the seat. 

“Wait a moment, Oliver, I still need to fetch a utensil.” However, right as she began entering back into the cottage, her eyes glanced at an Ayu standing by the side. “Oh, you can sit along with him. I prepared a meal for you too.”

“You did?” 

“Yes,” she nodded. “I knew of Eilwen calling you over for something so I figured you should have something else for the occasion.” 

“Huh,” he said. Hopping from the steps to the porch floor, he replied, “Thank you,” as he sat by Oliver, ready for their first time dining together. 

***

“Alice, why are you taking us inside?” 

“Because,” she led them inside her cottage and the surprisingly various rooms inside. “It’s been some time since you asked me for that gift you mentioned, and I’ve finally gotten what I needed to give it to you.” 

One final turn interrupted Oliver. “Wait, do you mean– oh, my God!” He ran towards the present in astonishment around his face. 

Ayu watched in confusion. What Oliver gushed over in awe appeared to be a piano, but one of old browns and rust. He figured the boy would never be impressed by the quality. Though, the rustic nature had an appeal. 

“Alice, how did you find this?” He squeaked at the press of an out-of-tune key. “This is an antique!” 

He studied the features of the metals and the wood cuts around it all as Alice spoke. “Well, I went and talked to Akeldama about you wanting the instrument, and he happened to have a lot lying around according to him.”

The name rang a bell for both of them, and they both questioned, “Akeldama had this?” 

“Why, yes. He has many items in his pocket dimension.” 

Ayu asked, “And what’s that?” 

“His storage space.”

Oliver cracked up at the fact, but Ayu stood baffled at the idea of Akeldama giving such a gift to Oliver. 

In playfulness, Oliver played a few chords to test. “I wonder how old this is from the lack of tuning… Did Akeldama not care?” 

“He may have not been interested in this one specifically, but it may have been the best he had. And if it needs adjustments, he may still know a thing or two.” 

The offer seemed promising, but Oliver shrugged it off. “Nah, I think this is fine. It fits the old-ness in a way.”

The chords built themselves off more and more, but they all played choppily. And after a few more notes he knew from his own signature instrument, his mind paused. … I don’t know how to play this thing. Through a simple yet rushed transition, he set aside his playing. “I’ll need some practice but honestly, this is great,” he laughed. “Hey Ayu, why don’t you try a little?”

Ayu, staring by the side, whipped his mind awake and asked, “What?”

“Come on a play,” he repeated. 

“Why would I play it? It’s yours…” 

He beamed at him. “Because, it sounds funny. Plus, it’d be nice for you to just try it out since I don’t know much either.”

That smile intimidated Ayu somehow, enough to give in. And he sat beside him on the piano seat. Once some moments of silence set in, he knew Oliver would not guide him yet. Thus, he prodded his fingers onto the keys, one by one, pressing at random. No melody formed, nor did a tempo, or a key, or anything of substance. This went on for multiple seconds to a few minutes. 

The stiffness bothered Oliver to no end, in reality, as his patience stabbed him in the gut for letting Ayu play in such a way. However, an alternative was found to save himself from such experimentation. “Here, let’s teach you a chord.” 

He guided one of Ayu’s hands to the beginning of an octave, and slowly adjusted his fingers to the right keys. Once they aligned correctly, he gently pressed for him to play. 

“That’s what should be a C major chord.” He patted Ayu in the achievement. “And I think you can make up your own now, can you?” 

For a moment, Ayu glared at the keys, carefully placing his fingers over new ones and pressing. 

“Interesting… That’s a suspended chord.”

“You know I won’t remember anything you’re telling me, right,” he asked deadpanned.

Oh no, the attitude is back. “Probably.”

“Oh,” Alice said while in the background. “Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“I assume you’re about to leave, correct?”

Oliver nodded while playing with Ayu. 

“There’s something else I’ve been saving for when you do leave,” she said.

Curious, Oliver turned and stood from his seat towards her. “What is it?” 

Opening her book, she summoned a flat-looking bag in front of them. “When I asked for the piano, Akeldama said to also give you this along with it.” 

She handed it off to him, and both him and Ayu looked at the small bag in confusion whilst the inside felt hollow. “Why’d he give me this?”

She shook her head, “I do not know, but you may open it.”

From the bag, Ayu gathered next to Oliver as well. The strangeness of the gift increased most definitely for both of them, but what was inside still mystified the air. 

Reluctantly, Oliver opened the bag to find the hollow item, and even then, was there more confusion. 

***

Huh, Oliver stared at the gift after his research in his room. From its sheen wood surface that plated itself with small metal keys, it was a confirmed kalimba, or thumb piano as the internet sometimes called it.

Such a strange item, he studied. Its keys played gently of that of a music box for a lullaby, which it technically could be accounted for both literally and purposefully. Sure, it was mix-matched, and the pretty keys were jagged from age, but the sound made up for it all. Melodies formed easily and gracefully even if played choppy from his infers. Honestly, it seemed of some use for his style of music and covers. 

While studying he joked, “Ayu, you can probably master this thing, its super simple.”

But Ayu’s reply was nothing. 

Despite the silence, Oliver continued. So, Akeldama first gives me a switchblade and now a nice, aesthetic instrument? We need to look more into him nowadays. – 

“Hey, Ollie,” Ayu called out from the bedside.

“What is it?”

“Come over here.”

A lopsided look was given to him, but light only illuminated in Oliver’s corner of the room, so Ayu’s expression hid in the darkness. Regardless, Oliver stepped onto the bed by Ayu’s side and asked, “What’s up?” 

And only in the matter of seconds did Ayu tackle him again, only onto the bed and in a shaking hug. He grasped and clung to Oliver as tight as ever, yet the grip was weak and shivering. 

Soon whilst lying down, a sniffle covered the room’s sound, then another, until cries rang onto Oliver’s ears. 

“I,” Ayu trembled in his words, “I’m sorry… I can’t do anything.” 

He continued crying into Oliver’s chest, rubbing his tears all over his sweater. Oliver looked down upon what was occurring, but instead of any surprise or panic, he knew something would arise from that conversation. More than he initially expected. 

He hugged back, cradling the boy’s head in his arms and brushing the tuffs of his hair. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, “I’m here for you, remember?” 

With every comb, his hands faintly touched Ayu’s shaking body. He gasped for the air out of his cries and wailed in choking up. 

“Here, let’s…” Oliver glanced over from their position, in which they were stuck in the middle of the bed, and all of Ayu’s weight hefted onto him. “Let’s get a little bit more comfortable…”

He moved them into the pillows and under the blankets, where Ayu still hung on Oliver under his head.  

“Ayu,” Oliver began, “you’re a good person. I know that for sure.” 

He remained silent, much to Oliver’s incline. 

“You’re probably the best person I’ve ever met. A best friend if you will. We’re best friends, right?” 

He felt a nod underneath him. 

Oliver smiled. “I’m glad… Out of anyone, I think I was the selfish brat at first, but then I met you, as dumb as the introductions were,” He chuckled at his speech. “You changed my life, and helped me realize that I wasn’t going to be alone forever and…” Even he began to choke up at his words. 

“And what,” Ayu croaked. 

“You aren’t going to leave me.” Despite the emotions, Oliver set it aside from Ayu’s turn. “That was my fear, I guess. But you disproved that and you haven’t left me alone since; and, you’re wonderful to be around.”

Only those sniffles were left to handle. 

“You’re more…” Damn, compliments are trickier like this. “You have this stubborn bravery to you that I like. And your simple thinking’s actually calming for me since I overthink half the time… Simple’s the best way to put it; you answer everything as you see it and I think it works for a duo like you and me. Despite everything you’ve been through, you still want to stand with your goals since you know that’s right… That’s what I love about you; you have hope. You had enough hope to give me a chance, to tell me that everything will be better just like I’m telling you right now. I would’ve given up, Ayu, so long ago, and right now I’m stopping you from going down the path I could’ve gone to.”

He hugged Ayu back as tight as he did. 

“I’m sorry if I ever said or did anything to hurt you. I didn’t know what I was saying. You’ve gone through just as much as I have… That’s something else I realized.”

With his words, Ayu kept silent. But finally, he said, “Thank you.” Then asked, “… Can you keep on talking? Just about anything. I want to listen to you.”

He nodded back. “Alright. Anything?” 

“Yeah…” 

Memories of his own request flurried back in Oliver’s mind in his understanding of that need of comfort. “I can talk about how my day was with you, then,” and the words fluttered in Ayu’s ears as he calmed from his stuttered breathing.  

“Oh yeah, there was this thought I had for a while.”

Ayu nuzzled in from the cuddling, still listening to Oliver’s words as it started to dry out from speaking. He listened to his day, his thoughts, his imaginations, ideas, epiphanies, everything that whisked him away somehow. They all expressed mindfulness in each word, and he could not have enough. “What is it?”

“I started thinking about this scenario,” Oliver rasped, “about if the world ended.” 

His own voice drowned in a drowsy state, eyes burning from all the crying and exhaustion. “That doesn’t sound like a nice thought.”

“Obviously not,” he huffed. “But, I was wondering what people would do… and what would I do in that scenario. If the world was dying, and it was only a matter of time for me, or you, or anybody to be next.”

“…And?”

“There wasn’t much I could think of, since it really does depend on how the world ends, but out of all the routes, there’s only one thing I want to do for all of them.”

The nature of the conversation rang dangerous bells for Ayu, yet he continued it with, “What would that be?”

He said, “I would never want to go to sleep.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because,” he explained, “you can die at any point when it’s all over. So, if I’m asleep, I can die in my sleep, and I would never have the chance to goodbye… to anybody.”

His answer spoke to Ayu, and remained as words for him to remember always. However, with his tired mind and recovering state, he replied, “Makes sense… Ollie, can you sing for me?”

He looked down upon him. “Is there a particular reason why?”

“The world’s not ending, so I think I’m ready to sleep right now.”

He chuckled a little, combing his hair once more. “Okay. I’m guessing you want an original.”

“I never heard one so,” Ayu snuggled in with his own smile, “obviously.”

Oliver’s face warmed, but without any embarrassment. “Okay, Ayu.”

And with lyrics for the occasion, he quietly sang a piece from those nights of new beginnings.

“My dearest, 

all the shadows that have followed us have come 

and gone. 

My dearest, 

all the darkest that had weighed me down

is far and long evermore.

My dearest, 

you have come to greet me in a light 

that shines across us every night…

My dearest,

We will roll along again.”

Oliver’s eyes drifted, with his last view being Ayu sleeping by him, his tears gone and his breathing cooled. He smiled as he closed that view, uttering the last words. 

“My dearest, 

We will roll along again.” 

-

Ten Dollars | Bread and Water | Red Eye | Crimson Capture | November 1st | A Mother | A Demon | A Child | The Wolf | Bloody Fingers | A Monochrome World | The Pocketwatch | I’ll Have My Day | Two Weeks | Monsters | Sleepover | First Meal

#writing #my writing #writeblr #writblr #writers on tumblr #black sun tale #bst #chapter 18 #swearing warning #burn warning #blister warning #crippling self doubt warning #missing limb #minor aggressiveness? #apocalypse mention #death mention #bst ayu & oliver #bst eilwen #bst alice #bst akeldama mention

[sedlex]

She-Ra immediate aftermath, for posterity.

Excitement-related insomnia log: the night before and I woke up at least 10 times to check the clock 

Friday. The show is released at midnight PST so about four/five hours later the first wave of "Catradora canon!!!" is well underway and the invested fans are collectively losing their minds all around the world. Reactions are mostly keysmash and people are actively taking pics and recording videos of their screens with their phones while crying. Those who don't go there reblog stuff in solidarity. Some decide they now go there and start furiously watching from the beginning. There is nothing else happening. Nothing. The quickest fanartists swoop in with either short hair portraits, angst or kisses. At some point the realization that "we're gonna win in the end" was referring to all of us dawns: it's a weloveyounoelle fest.

Excitement-related insomnia log: I’ve slept maybe 2 hours in 20-minute bits 

Saturday. Even the slowest watchers, the ones who had to wait for their watching parties or had to work or whatever, are all caught up, endorphins are running high, screenshots are made of every second of the kiss and shared all over the place. So. Much. Art. Still not enough, so everybody reblog everything! The kiss that saved the universe and *that* future scene are big favorites. Meanwhile articles are shared and people see how actually difficult it was to pull this off so well and THANKYOUNOELLEWELOVEYOU!

Excitement-related insomnia log: I don’t recall 3something to 5:30 am, so...

Sunday. Rewatches are happening because with twenty-ish minutes per episode it's quick & easy and people get proof of the things they did notice before: it's parallels town! While visuals are going strong (do not miss the epic scene with Japanese dubbing that makes it feel like the gayest anime ever), the written word side had a little time to organize the thoughts and metas are flourishing. Back on ao3, the tags hurt/comfort and future canon are alight. Just guess who's first in fandometrics for the week ending today despite technically having been around for just three days?

Excitement-related insomnia log: I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2:30 to rewatch s5 on my phone and I’m pretty sure I got to more than 2/3 before falling somewhat asleep

Monday. The bigots caught up and can those who lament lesbian exploitation in cartoons please go back to how wearing a mask during a pandemic is an attack on liberty thanks bye. More discussions happen and there is reflection on if the catrademption was too fast/offthehookish. You go be mindwiped into an electrocution pool and then chipped in a creepy hivemind alien cult and tell me. Let's see instead more reflection on how the braincells dynamic in the best friend squad changed. On the visual side the edits are more elaborate because people had some more time to put into them and artists are going like crazy with kind of supergay fuel.

Excitement-related insomnia log: a good 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep were achieved 

Tuesday. Things are slowing down a little but 70% of the timeline is still a blessing of fluff art. A whole lot of AUs and post canon appear alongside kisses and comics and fun stuff because why not spread the love. Surprisingly to none, the magic emotional support animal shoved into the story when it's 2/3 done is very loved, look at it meaowing. I'm used to seeing gayness bringing out creativity but damn... also video/music edits smash through the door bringing the gift of feelings.

Excitement-related insomnia log: kinda sorta the usual amount of sleep, 1something am to 7:30

Wednesday. Ok, now things should be back to normal, right? Wrong. Even those who could watch just one or two episodes per day are all caught up and at this point do we still need the spoiler tag? Like, really. Anyway, fanart is a steady abundant flow with such a variety that anyone can find something for them and I’ve seen posts with 15k+ notes. Deservingly so.

Excitement-related insomnia log: scratch that, back to 3 hours because I started reading fanfics at midnight and, well...

Thursday: semblance of normalcy on TL achieved? Kiiinda? There’s still bursts happening at certain times when someone else discover themselves a friend of Mara. Post-s5 headcanons are a thing, as well as wrong hilarious quotes. And the small miracle of people who run away during past Tumblr fuckups who are suddenly back.

Excitement-related insomnia log: I just finished writing this, while in bed, at 1am. Wish me luck.

#spop #spop spoilers #she-ra #she ra spoilers #catradora #weloveyounoelle #btw as of last friday i was not following anything exclusively dedicated to she-ra #just a mix of things i like leaning on the gay side #all of the above happened by itself #i was right here when korrasami happened and during all steven universe and those are the only things that compare somewhat

[skywalkersapprentice]

mdzs novel review

Now that we’re in quarantine and I have an infinite amount of time on my hands, why not read a novel that’s 500k, right?

(Spoilers ahead.)

I totally fucked up my sleeping schedule by staying up for three nights in a row and sleeping four hours in the afternoon while reading it. worth it, though. Despite a few flaws that tripped me up close to the end, Mo Dao Zu Shi (The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) was a gorgeous story. Kudos to the translators for giving it to us in English.

I’ll start off by saying that this story is not for the faint of heart. The main character has very grey morals. There is self-cannibalism, gore, period-typical homophobia, corpses come to life, mentions of rape, incest, sexual content, straight up dubcon and disturbing themes all the way through. If I’d seen this tagged as such on Ao3, I definitely would have left it alone. Despite all this, there’s also some truly wonderful characters, a plot unlike anything I’ve ever read before, subtle pining, fantastic worldbuilding, magical music, found families, and!! canonly lgbt characters that get to experience all of this things in the one hundred goddamn chapters it takes for them to get together.

The Good:

Wei Wuxian. One of the most interesting characters I’ve ever encountered. How can one be so good, so happy, so giving, yet so incredibly fucking annoying? He’s so clever, but also a moron. He’s selfless, but only in regards to things and people he cares about. He has an absolutely terrible memory (god me too) and knows how to get under everyone’s skin and has killed literal thousands of people and also. He is my son. If I knew him in real life I think he wouldn’t have survived long enough to become the Yiling Patriarch but in fiction he is wonderful.

The plot: Look. This novel is longer than the first four Harry Potter books combined. You can almost think of it as two books- one set in the past, one set sixteen years later. But although it’s the longest book I’ve ever read, it never really felt boring. It was definitely confusing at times (I’ve never had to take notes on a novel before to keep everything straight in my head) but I wasn’t bored. Things just keep happening- Wei Wuxian is back from the dead!! Now there’s a creepy hand!! Now there’s a statue that can move!! Now we’re in the past!! Now we’re back in the present and there’s a castle that eats people!! Now we’re in a ghost city and there’s some freaky stuff going down!! Time for the saddest flashback of all time, and now we’re starting to put the puzzle of this dismembered person together!! All of this is interspersed with worldbuilding and character dynamics and creating a full picture of the past and- whew. It was so hard to tear myself away to sleep or eat because I just wanted to know- what’s going to happen next? 

The love story: Hello, slowest of burns in the entire fucking world. I live for the enemies-to-friends-to-enemies-to-friends-to-what-are-we-to-lovers love story that this book gave me. Lan Wangji, you poor emotionally repressed disaster gay. Wei Wuxian, you blind oblivious moronic disaster bi. Somehow, they’re perfect for each other. I was really, really hesitant to read this book because I know it has roots in that specific straight-girl-writes-gay-men type of culture that is often terrible and fetishistic. There were definitely things that I disagreed with that that I’ll talk about later, but largely, stereotypes were avoided and I have to give the author credit for this relationship that managed to be so many things. I relate heavily to the type of person Lan Wangji is, and I adored watching him fall for Wei Wuxian, through Wei Wuxian’s eyes, without either of them really even realizing it. They’re the definition of what I like to call a “Red and Blue couple”- the opposites, the fire and ice, the calm and the wild, the dark and the light, the red and the blue, who complement one another so well despite being so different. They balanced each other out wonderfully. Don’t talk to me about the WangXian song or the fact that they have a child or I will start crying.

Lan Wangji: Though I love Wei Wuxian, annoying traits and all, Lan Wangji is who I heavily resonated with. He kind of reminds me of Else from Frozen?? Anyone else?? Like, his whole thing is basically “conceal don’t feel”, except what he’s concealing is the fact that he feels things so deeply. He just wants to help people, to be essentially perfect at what he does (scooby doo villian voice: and he would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for wei wuxian) His character development from the past to present was lovely. I silently cheered for him whenever he broke the rules, or let the strict facade down for a bit. 

The side characters: Literally how are there so many characters in this book who are so fleshed out that they feel like real people? Xiao XingChen, Lan SiZhui, Wen Ning, Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng and Jiang LanYi all especially stood out to me, but even beyond them, everyone had a fully explained reason and motivation for like, everything they did. Even if I hated the villains, they weren’t needlessly evil. We love a grey story.

But there were some things I didn’t like.

The Bad

The R rated stuff: Well. This is probably the weirdest critique I’ve ever had to make about a book, and maybe some of it was partly due to translation, but... the sex was out of character. I thought the general dynamic made no sense for the two of them as people and it just.... wasn’t super well written? Thankfully I was warned beforehand that the Incense Burner chapters contained content I wasn’t prepared to read, but yikes, I felt like I was reading about two different characters the second clothes started coming off. I haven’t finished the bonus chapters for this reason. The second I read the word “rape”, I had to stop. Consent is a pretty hard line for me, and I can’t do a dubcon kink. Obviously the author can do whatever the hell she wants with her characters, but I felt like she threw away their personalities for the sake of trying to write something hot (which- it wasn’t.) This is why straight people have no rights and also why I will be pretending those scenes don’t exist. 

The Hatred Chapters: I do feel like all of the tension and action was sort of- let down at what was supposed to be the climactic showdown in the temple. It dragged on for so many chapters that I didn’t feel on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen next.That could also be due to translation. I’m not sure. Maybe I need to read the Hatred chapters again. But I did feel sort of let down in the final 20 chapters of this novel. It wasn’t enough to seriously impact how much I love the general concept, but it was disappointing.

Semi related but after 100 chapter build up, that confession could have been better. Again- maybe a translation thing.

The Nie MingJue backstory flashback: just- honestly wasn’t interesting to me. It was the only part of the novel that I really had to slog through. 

Lastly - this isn’t the novel’s fault, and I am certainly grateful to the translators for all of their work translating this gigantic novel, but there were some consistent grammatical issues surrounding the dialogue tags that bugged me. I’m not sure how it is in Chinese, but in English, writing “Wei WuXian, “Nothing.””  just- isn’t correct. At the very least, you need a verb like “said”. I usually read fast enough that my brain tends to insert the word even if it’s not there, but when reading slowly, this did frequently jar me out of the story. I’d be willing to edit the entire novel just to fix these errors. But it says a lot about how good this novel is that I continued reading despite errors like this because something like that in a fic would have me closing the tab immediately.

Alright, that’s all. 

Overall:

There are so many small things, little moments and lines that I loved about this story, it would take me days to list them all. The dialogue patterns from character to character were distinct. Things like the forehead ribbon were endlessly entertaining. Side plots like the A-Qing one had me in tears and I was laughing a few chapters late from drunk LWJ. The novel was just fun to read. There were errors, yes, there were disappointments, sure. But it made me feel so much. I’ve been through the entire range of human emotion while reading it, and it’s so rare to find a book that just yanks you into the universe like this one did to me. I really needed an escape this week, and this was absolutely a welcome one. If I go read it again, I’m sure I’ll find a hundred more things I like about it. Heed the warnings I’ve given, if you read it, but I absolutely adored most of this book and I’ll be thinking about it for a long time.

9/10.

#mdzs #mdzs novel #Right okay time to finish the donghua

[orderofthedyingstar]

RECAP: Session 6

SESSION SIX

(Some of the recording didn’t get saved here…)

Rhododendron and Jun leave Bladerun, and along the road stop by the ruins of an old village where they find a long-abandoned temple to Ardrin, god of creation and knowledge, and one to Laoteng. In the temple to Laoteng, Rhododendron shoots an arrow into the pool with her new bow, which evaporated all of the water and revealed stairs leading downwards…

Today is also Allbright’s Day, the day where the sun used to be up for twenty-four hours prior to the disappearance of the moon.

The two follow the stairs down into an underground room whose walls are covered in intricate mosaics, with a small doorway leading deeper into the underground hideaway. Rhododendron, unable to decipher any meaning from the tiles, asks Jun what he thinks of the story they’re telling, and what he makes of the place in general. He tells her that the tiles are depicting the Day of Forgiveness and the Winter Solstice, and that the underground portion of the temple was probably once used as an additional place of worship. As they venture deeper into the underground portion of the temple, Rhododendron accidentally triggers a trap, sending a blast of frost across the floor. 

OF NOTE: Rhododendron rolls…so many nat1s early game….

When the path splits, Rhododendron and Jun follow one of the branching hallways down into a room with another pool of water, flanked by two statues of Laoteng, with two smaller statues of her children, Yulong, goddess of the ocean and storms, and Dilong, god of the stars and the Underdark, at the entrance to the room. When Rhododendron suggests shooting the pool in the room, Jun is hesitant about it, worried about the possibility of it containing more stairs that could lead to the Underdark. They turn back to investigate the other hallway before messing with the pool, finding that it leads to cleric’s quarters. Rhododendron takes a pendant with Laoteng’s image carved onto it.

They return to the other pool and Rhododendron shoots an arrow into it, but instead of evaporating this time the water shifts to reveal that it is a creature instead, a large fish/snake-like being made of water. As they finish off the creature, light gathers at the tip of Rhododendron’s arrow again, exploding the creature and drenching her and Jun on impact. The pool’s water evaporates just like the one earlier, though this time there is no staircase. The bow feels warm in Rhododendron’s hands.

Rhododendron: “Does it feel warm to you?” 

Jun: “Yeah, like a heartbeat.”

Jun mentions that the bow doesn’t feel any more powerful, but that it feels like Rhododendron woke something up. As they leave the temple, Rhododendron and Jun hear the stairs sliding back into place. They head back out to the main road and continue on towards Snaketail Crevice Trading Outpost, arriving at their destination after two days of travel.

While killing time at the outpost, Rhododendron and Jun look around at the various merchants and their wares; Rhododendron gets Jun a dagger to replace his old one, since Donny stole it before she left. Rhododendron sells her old bow and they stock up on supplies.

Rhododendron: “What do you like to do for fun, Jun?”

Jun: “Sleep.”

Jun naps in the grass, Rhododendron talks to some of the other travelers at the outpost. Amongst the travelers are a young human named Leo “the Destroyer”, accompanied by his goliath aunt Velanna Ironbark as they go up into the mountains to hunt owlbears. After a while Rhododendron and Jun go to the bar and both only manage to make their way through a single ale. Jun tells Rhododendron a little about his past: that he was born near Nartai, spent his first five years in an orphanage, and then was adopted and trained by a wizard until going to the Cobalt Keep. He tells her that the Cobalt Keep is a large fortress where the Emperor of So’Joh lives, and is big enough to count as its own city (“five times the size of the palace in Bladerun at least”). He tells her that he left when he was nineteen, after getting fired…he does lie when he implies that he spent the past few years after leaving the Keep traveling.

Rhododendron tells Jun that she was fired, and about her past career. She says that she was fired after Raz broke up with her, when she went home to visit her parents and overshot her allotted time off by two weeks. Jun sympathizes with her getting fired, saying that he was fired after failing to prevent someone’s death after trying to save them for weeks. Rhododendron also mentions that despite all of the years they technically spent together, she and Raz hardly saw each other; she also admits to having feelings for Donny despite the chaos that she brings with her.

Jun: “She does seem like the kind to do stuff on impulse…marriage rings, divorce - no, not divorce, they’re still married? No, separated.”

Jun tells Rhododendron that he sees that her old job might take her back, but she tells him that she’s determined to see the situation with the dragon through. She also reminds him that she doesn’t need him to tell her everything he sees in his visions.

Jun: “I could probably turn my Sight off if I tried?” 

Rhododendron: “Do you want to?” 

Jun: “I don’t know. It’s been like this for so long that I don’t remember what it was like before.”

After a few barely coherent semi-drunk ramblings (where Rhododendron talks about Donny then Raz then Donny again then Raz again), the two finally decide to call it a metaphorical night and crash in one of the tavern’s rooms.

Rhododendron (about Raz): “I just didn’t realize how little they knew about me. A part of me hopes he comes with Donny and a bigger part of me hopes I never see him again.”

The next morning, while eating breakfast in the tavern, a massive emerald jewel-colored angel appears in the doorway and offers everyone in the tavern a massive amount of money if they can find someone that they’re looking for. The angel leaves the tavern, with everyone else trailing after them.

—

Bonus for Matt

Rhododendron: “You know, I didn’t think I would make a friend like you.”

Jun: “…A wizard?” 

Rhododendron: “No, it’s…you’re really quiet, but it’s kind of nice. You’re nice.” 

Jun: “No, I…I have too much pride…” 

Rhododendron: “You will never, ever convince me otherwise. I know bad people; you are not one of them.” 

Jun: “I See too much…” 

Rhododendron: “Hush. You are good, and you will always be good, no matter how much you See.”

OF NOTE: “out of all of the people you’ve met in the past few weeks, Jun says your name the slowest. Donny always rushes through it like she’s going to forget some of the syllables”

#dndas #dnd another sunrise #dndas recap #this session didn’t rly need its own separate post but s7 is 7.5 hours long so its a loooong recap #side note forgot how much i FUCKING LOVE VERRIX AND RHODODENDRON #half of the reason s7 is gonna b long is bc i wanted to save so much of their dialogue

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 7)

A/N: This is probably the longest I've written in this series. Again guys, thank you for the support, your comments and likes mean so much! My tag list is always open so feel free to ask. And on a slightly heavy note: the next chapter could be really angsty. Just a heads up right there uwu

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, slight drinking, slight swearing, (yeah the fluff is still present)

W/C: 5k-ish

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

Edited// I forgot to link the previous parts

Parts: 6 5 4 3 2 1

(Got the pic from Pinterest hhh-)

Storing the luggage bag you've purchased for a fair price in the spare room, you come across a small box of sundries tucked in one corner with cobwebs clinging to the sides. Your eyes light up with curiosity spiking within you, you pick it up and dust the webs off, blowing the particles away from the top. You squat on the floor and open the flaps, discovering small yet familiar items that had been lost in time– one of them being a sepia-toned polaroid of you and Ben posing dramatically with hilarious doodles drawn on your faces. You forgot about this, feeling a little guilty that you had hidden it away in a drafty box without remembering doing anything of the sort. You flip the picture over and spot a date and an unfinished sentence written in faded ink on the bottom left part. This was taken on Homecoming night.

'I'm not going-' it says, clearly discontinued next to the date. Silly to think that the picture somehow represents a puzzle piece torn away from its board.

You were bound to graduate the week after and barely a day after, not see each other for several years due to your career paths and post-college choices.

You pull on the hem of your shirt, clearing the picture of dust and any more impurities, finally fitting it into your back pocket to finally treasure it the way it was always meant to be treasured.

The door clicks as you bring it close, your eyes gluing themselves at the hardwood floor seconds to having self-pity billow over you at how quickly your tears surface in the corner of your eyes from the memory of Ben spinning Rosy around - the exact way he did with you -and kissing her like she's a pouch full of life.

You clamp down on your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to stain your cheeks with your pooling tears. "Jeez, you just-" you pace back and forth in frustration, balling your fists as you gesticulate lazily, "you just don't get it, Y/N! Ugh, you're so- fuck, just get over it..." Knowing your harsh soliloquy would be getting you nowhere, you snarl strongly at yourself and roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.

"He loves Rosy. F-freaking deal with it!" The reminder takes a hiss from your quivering lips for it to sink in; you have your own place in his life– a place behind the line you'd drawn in the years prior. The friend zone couldn't be any more hollow and cold than it already is.

And a polaroid pic is the only remnant left of how inseparable you and Ben were in the early days.

At the same time you're feeling your heart tear itself apart, Ben pulls out a picture - similar to what you've found - from the inner pocket of his old varsity jacket in the middle of rummaging through his wardrobe. He leaves his room in his pajamas and tosses himself on the couch next to a sleeping Frankie, softly apologizing to the little beagle for disturbing her cat-like nap. As he cuddles Frankie close, he scrutinizes the picture and it's also from Homecoming, but in it both of you are beaming widely with your arms slung around one another– the doodles ever-so-present on your faces. Behind it, the date and the continuation of the trailed-off sentence written at the back of your share of the memory.

'-anywhere at all.'- it ends in Ben's part of the duality. He grins fondly at the long lost picture, feeling twice as guilty for not keeping it safe and...close to his heart, just as he had promised you that night.

- - - - - - - -

In the convenience of Lucy needing some company to shop with for awards season just as she had returned from her get-away with Rami, she drags you along happily, having to pass through you insisting that you stay at home and study but purposefully ending up under her mercy anyway. You couldn't say no to her, she's basically your sparkly, glam counterpart and you're in need of her life-altering sparkles as of now. Especially since you're going to be tagging along with them, mainly as Joe's date cause you know, you're his 'girlfriend' and all.

You're at the mall, in a stylish boutique full of lines of voguish clothing and shoes that could span miles if not compressed together. For once in the hours you've spent scampering around the mall with Lucy to hoard dresses, skin products and make up, you admit that this is the most aesthetically pleasing space in the entire building.

You traipse along a section with black dresses fashioned into different forms, silently praying that what you have with you will amount to at least one of the varying prices.

Lucy's on the opposite side, ogling at the most colorful section in the boutique for a piece to wear. She peers over at you to make sure you've chosen your 'fighter'. A few swishes of the dresses lined up and you do, holding it up high to evaluate the appropriateness.

It's a sleeveless, halter neck satin that's just a few inches above the knee. Utterly backless but it ends right up the small of your back. The fabric is stretchy enough to move around and breathe in as it simultaneously hugs your shape. You love it but gulp as you prepare yourself for the price. Flipping the tag over, you suddenly wish you could let out the biggest, girlish squeal the human race has ever heard with how surprisingly affordable it is.

"Finally picked out yours?" Lucy pokes her head up playfully and you nod, quite speechless but giddy. She makes a grabby hand at your dress to examine it for herself.

Well she's the fashion guru so why not? You hand her the dress and as she trails her eyes from top to bottom, her mouth falls at the simple yet elegant details. "This is perfect! I highly doubt that it's not going to catch every exposed eye present at the event."

Your flush profusely at her comment. "Thanks but I'll be bringing a coat with me."

That triggered her, but of course you're only teasing. "You better effing not." She warns you and you chuckle, taking the dress from her and evenly brushing the skirt.

"I won't, you can sleep soundly tonight."

You assure her of the possibility. As you exit the boutique with a few bags you're not used to holding, Lucy takes out her phone and gasps, her face contorting with a little disbelief. "Uh oh, this might ruin your mood." She hands you the phone and you gape at her confusingly before taking a quick look.

Ben's posted some updates on his wedding preparations, shockingly tagging you, Joe, Gwil and Lucy in one photo. He's pretty busy alright; unable to text or call you for days but miraculously tagging you out of nowhere.

You come to disregard it until you notice one minute but important detail hidden in plain sight in all of his posts– there isn't a single one with him and Rosy together alone. None of such as well on his new ones.

The only post he's had with a close girl is the one with you, which is at the very bottom of his Instagram feed. You won't admit it but it warms your heart a little. Actually, a whole lot despite wondering why there's none of him and his fiancee. You hand Lucy her phone back and tilt your head to one side, suddenly finding the eagerness to go on shopping. "Let's go."

The following week comes as a radial blur contrasted to the slightly moderate one you just woke up from; your manager phoning you up to take the earliest shift you've had in years at the expense of your allotted time to rest, the heavy workload and rush hours in the upcoming hours followed by the slowest progress of filing your travel documents and visa needed for your departure on the 26th. You've got tons of missed calls from your parents and Joe, who's requested for you to pack up early since you'll be leaving for LA with Lucy on the day of the awards but earlier.

Also noting that you still need to double check the costs for flying to LA and back, ruling out the one exclusive for your flight on the 26th.

For mere days you feel as if you could lose your sanity as your life spirals into madness with everything you're required to do– whether or not you're obliged to do it.

But they are effective distractions for that problem you are still very much preoccupied with. That's a matter noteworthy of later discussion. Amidst all the chaos happening, part of you wishes for Ben to reply to your messages or even talk to you in the slightest. You never bothered to call this week since he's tied up but the least he could do is let you know how he's doing, if he's thinking of you once in a thousand passing seconds.

You give up for a day waiting on him and drown yourself in work.

- - - - - - -

Securing your phone between your tilted head and your shoulder as you indulge in your talk with Joe through the line, you crouch and zip your luggage bag close. Your eyes fixating themselves on two, separate luggage bags for two, separate travels.

"Was that all of it?" Joe's disembodied voice asks. You spring up and take your phone between your fingers. "Pretty much. I better have a kick out of something by the time we touchdown tomorrow– it's my first visit to the US." You inform him, leaping into your bed and landing comfortably.

He chortles softly and ensures you. "I know and you can be sure to expect a good par- ow! Bad kitty!" His smooth transition to a yelp amuses you for split second.

"Are you alright? "

"No. I'm finally feline food to my kid." He refers to his pet cat that has taken a small nibble on his finger, in which Joe returns with a light ruffle to its fur. You can't help but giggle heartily at him.

"Anyway, I'm picking you and Lucy up from LAX tomorrow." He gives you that heads up and you bring your hand up to your forehead. "Where will we be staying?"

"I've booked a hotel earlier so you've got nothing to worry about the moment you land." A faint crunch can be heard from your end and you mind to ask Joe about it. "Are you- are you eating?"

To answer your question, he bites down on his food sloppily and guarantees you of what you heard. You smack your lips together as your eyes narrow in bewilderment.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Sometimes you make it easier for me to hit you with a pillow."

"Is that how you treat your boyfriend?" He taunts at you and cackles, his distorted voice bouncing off of the walls of your room. You sigh, defeated by the fact that this charade is still going on. It's silly and immature yet you and Joe somehow managed to stick to the act.

"Speaking of boyfriend though– would he be furious if I told him that I couldn't be there on his wedding day?" Since you're rested and got nothing else to distract you, you pop the question to Joe.

"Ben?"

You hum softly.

"There are two scenarios that we need to consider," on his end, Joe taps his finger on his lips as he thinks of said scenarios, "Best case scenario- he would get discouraged and slightly unmotivated, and obviously sad, but he'd still support you cause that's your dream."

You sit up and twirl the ends of your hair around your finger, swallowing. "And worst case scenario?"

Joe falls silent before exhaling harshly. "You'd crush his soul, heart, everything ranging from physical to spiritual and it would take a toll– and I mean a substantial toll on your friendship."

"Joe, don't make it sound like a prospect! "

"That is, " he adds strongly, "if he finds out that you had meant for him to be oblivious to it." And he's right. But you had a reason. You still do. Even if you do end up telling him and he supports you, you need a great deal of space to move on.

As long as he's committed to Rosy and you're in the sidelines still in love with him, it's just something toxic. You couldn't love anybody they way you do Ben and you feel like you'll never love someone like him ever again. Albeit how clueless he is sometimes and clumsy, you both had survived every storm and wave. So sticking around to witness him give his hand and heart to someone else is torture for you.

"I'm gonna be direct and say-" just as you begin talking, your phone shrills to another caller, cutting you off from Joe.

One look at the screen and your heart begins racing. Speak of the devil. You reserve an explanation for cutting off and answer Ben, clearing your throat. "You're late."

Ben's gruff chuckle welcomes you back. "I know, I'm so sorry. Busiest week I've had and the lady at Starbucks signed my cup like a snail."

"What are you doing tonight that requires coffee?"

"Call me dramatic- or do so, given that I'm an actor- but I just want to stargaze right now." You hear a light rustle coming from his end, like he's seated out on his lawn.

Silently giving him the 'oh really' look, you spread one side of the curtain to let some moon light in. "Ben, you're leaving early tomorrow."

He hums, seemingly enjoying himself. "But that's not an excuse to not enjoy the night." This boy can not get any cornier. You cast your gaze upon the moon, sighing profoundly. "How did the wedding planning go? Good?"

"Hm, yeah. Church wedding, big reception. Whole lot of booze binging planned out. And a killer bachelor party the day after the awards. " He jokes through the line and you tell him off in a playful chide. "Benjamin Jones, you better-"

"I won't. I won't." You sense his gentle smile from your end, checking the time and reluctantly coming to the decision to hit the hay since you'll be leaving early as well. As much as you want to recreate those late night conversations you once had with him, you can't.

"Hey?" You coo somehow.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta sleep. I have to meet Lucy at the airport at 5."

He gives out a throaty grunt as if he's pulling himself up. "Tragic. I'll see you in LA then, love."

Your lips curl up into the gentlest smile with the moonlight blessing it from the window. "You too. Tell yourself and the rest- especially Brian and Roger- that I'm gonna be rooting for you guys to get up on that stage."

"I will. Thanks for the motivation, Y/N. All the words coming from you just mean so much to me. To all of us." And in his voice, you can hear his utmost sincerity and fondness just highlighting his tone.

"Anytime. Now let me sleep, you bloke. "

"Haha, alright. Love you tons, love."

Shifting your eyes to the sky once more, you reply, allowing the words you're about to say to mean more.

"I love you too, Ben. Good night."

- - - - - - -

24th

You had promised Lucy you'd arrive 10 minutes earlier than her and you really didn't hold on to that promise. As soon as you arrive at the airport nearly bathing in sweat and deaf from the multiple rings Lucy has given you, you both take off to the waiting area with your heavy luggage where you spend an hour and a half waiting for your flight to board. Joe has sent two texts telling you that he's still in the middle of having coffee and it's a questionable action since he's 8 hours behind you and is expected to be asleep by now.

You reply with a simple, "See you there" before heeding to the call of your flight number from the speakers.

All the rushing and you haven't had a bite of breakfast yet. An eleven hour flight doesn't sound so bad, as long as you make sure you don't reel everytime you get up to use the bathroom and acquire jet lag the moment you land from a direct flight without any pit stops. The flight is long as you are awake but by the time you fall asleep in between hours, it shortens the duration. The pilot announcing your arrival wakes you and Lucy from the latest nap you've had on the plane. After gathering your luggage and answering a couple of phone calls on you way down the plane, the arrival area is where you spy Joe behind the red tapes, a scarf around his neck and an eager look plastered on his pale skin, just waiting for you and Lucy to step in. His eyes crinkle as he sees you both treading towards him with a handful of luggage. He greets you both with a tight hug and ushers you to his car, assisting with the transport of your things.

He's booked you in the hotel he's staying in to, of course, avoid some minor inconveniences especially since the awards start at 7 pm and you drastically need Lucy to help you prepare. Upon reaching the hotel, he leads the both of you up the second floor and into the hall for your rooms.

Apparently you and Lucy will be sharing which is the great and Joe will be staying in the room right across yours.

After giving yourselves a brief tour of the room, you settle in and unpack your essentials.

"Y/N, bring out your fighter!" Lucy declares with a giggle, pulling the dress she's chosen from her suitcase. It's a purple, off-the-shoulder, crepe satin and black velvet gown that cascades gracefully against the stable air.

Your eyes widen in awe at how it looks against the light. "No need for a match, Luce. You win," you raise your hands up in surrender, "that's- that's catching more eyes. From Rami of course."

"Oh shut it. You'll look smooth in black." She clicks her tongue and smoothens it at the edge of the bed. You whip out yours and hold it up high, wavering a little at how you'll look like in it tonight. How fortunate you were to find 3-inch, black pumps closeted when you were 'panic packing' the night before. You take it out from your suitcase and set it aside before striding towards the blinds, pulling it up and beholding the breathtaking view of Hollywood before you.

Your first visit to the US and you're already headed to the Oscars. This isn't the real life. This is just fantasy.

- - - - - - - -

"We're having a dinner party afterwards, I don't see any reason for two sandwiches before the ceremony." Staring blankly at how Joe's handling waiting for you and Lucy to emerge from your room, Rami purses his lips quizzically– he's come by to pick up his girl as well. The two men look dashingly handsome in their black tuxes and slick hairstyles– their individual charm strong as they highly anticipate for your appearances.

Joe swallows the chunk in his mouth before speaking. "I'm stressed."

"About what?"

He bites down on his last sandwich, dusting his hands off crumbs as he reasons out. "It's the Oscars. Biggest ceremony of the year."

With a shake of his head, Rami opens his mouth to protest but pauses as the creak of the door behind them butts in their conversation. Lucy - exquisite in her cascading satin gown and look dotted in light to moderate make up - emerges with her purse in hand and eyes heady on Rami.

Joe wishes he could loosen some hinges in Rami's jaw since the latter has got his mouth agape at her girlfriend's evening look. To him, she is his ultimate award and he wouldn't have it in any other way.

"Hey, babe." Lucy smiles delicately and kisses Rami's cheek, to which he responds with a breathless, "Luce, you look..." His starstruck silence finishing his compliment for her. Joe hums, agreeing with crossed arms. "I wish I was as pretty as you, Boynton."

"You boys look handsome, too." Lucy giggles softly and Joe begins to wonder. "Where's Y/N?"

"She'll be out in three...two..." As Lucy deliberately pauses her countdown, you come out of the room, head down as you feel a bit hesitant to continue but you regain your confidence and look up timidly– your appearance putting Joe in the same position Rami was just in with Lucy. The dress really agrees to your form, contouring every curve of your body in a semi-sensual way, guaranteeing that you'll be snagging some looks tonight. Your (H/C) hair frames your face intricately with your light make-up emphasizing the color of your eyes and lips. The light brush of air against the skin of your exposed back makes you clutch your purse tighter, deeming it uncomfortable.

Lucy smiles proudly at her work and that is you. "Well, how does she look Joe?"

Joe lets out a hitched exhale, hazel eyes wide as a sinkhole and a slacked jaw struggling to budge. "Like my girlfriend."

"You wish." You can't help but retort playfully and he brings his finger up to his lips, hushing you. Rami compliments you as well and you thank him as the four of you make your way to the elevator– your arm on Joe's and Lucy's on Rami's.

You've taken a limo for the sake of convenience, since Joe and Rami wanted to propose a pre-toast - with the champagne present in the vehicle - to their successes and hard work in the past year. You have faith they'd bring home an Oscar; considering how spectacular their work was portraying the members of Queen. You're also thrilled that you're about to meet Brian and Roger.

The limo parks just across Dolby Theatre and the four of you climb out, making your way arms-in-arms into the place crowded with paparazzi and attendees. You see yourself as a small fish swimming in a sea full of majestic dolphins. This is the big leagues right here and you're not even one bit of a celebrity– at least you feel like you aren't one. After a couple of shoulder brushes with either familiar and unfamiliar faces and escaping the blinding flashes of the cameras, the four of you reunite with Gwilym who has Roger and Brian present by his side. You are introduced to the two Queen members by Joe and you couldn't be any more happier to meet them in person. A couple of moments of interacting with the rest of the crew and cast, Ben joins the 'party' looking sharp and admittedly drop-dead gorgeous in his white tuxedo blazer and slicked back hair with Rosy by his side.

Before he could even reply to the greetings of his friends, he lays his eyes on you and for a while– his pupils dilate and his expression flits faster than he can command it to. He can't believe what or who he is seeing before him amidst all the glam. Letting go of Rosy's hand for a minute, he steps close to you, indescribably captivated. "Y/N...h-hey."

You keep your composure, musing back. "Hey. You look left out, outfit-wise, and a like a million bucks."

It takes him nearly five seconds to reply with the way hes has his eyes transfixed on you. It's like he's seeing you for the first time. Your evening look setting him back to Homecoming night and something inside him just tweaks. You avoid his mindless gaze and break the silence, trying your hardest not to flush. "Ben, please talk. It's just really-"

"You look...beautiful." He breathes out like he had just gotten up from under water.

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