Tumgik
#It's so incredibly bad i'd feel bad if i passed lmao
bonefall · 6 months
Note
What are the four seasonal gods like generally? Sol seems to just be A Little Bit Chaotic, Midnight is said to be benevolent, but what about Rock and One Eye? (I know One Eye requires sacrifices? But ig that wouldn't necessarily make him malicious? Idk fsgcghdfj)
I'd like to learn more in general! Gods and mythology go brrrrr
ALL of them can actually take sacrifices, it just so happens that only Sol and One Eye have actually done it in the timeframe of BB.
It doesn't HAVE to be blood either, it can be anything of value. Sol and One Eye are just like that.
SOL
He gets bored easily.
It's not that he's evil, he's just self-absorbed. Everything is about having fun.
He really was a pretty terrible god, though. Fallenleaf comes to learn his services are in high demand, and he was really needed.
You might think he's vengeful, but he's not. If you beat him according to the rules they agreed on, that's winning fair and square.
I feel like he feels kind of bad he abandoned Harry so quickly, like he knows it was a dick move and he kiiiiinda doesn't want to think about it.
Something about him is more mortal than anyone realizes, but even I'm not sure how. He's strange compared to other gods, as if he didn't lose himself in the ascension to godhood.
Ironic for a God of Change.
MIDNIGHT
Is lonely. So lonely.
She can give you eternal life, but no one ever takes it. Why does no one ever take it?
But she's too nice to overstay her welcome or defy a request. And too cowardly to explore the world and find more people who leave eventually.
So she just stays in her den by the ocean, hosting all who pass through.
Minds her own business and draws cats to her as visitors.
Fallenleaf liked her at first, but has actually grown a negative view of her. Midnight wants something and won't go get it, using her immense power to just stare at the ocean.
What a waste!
I feel like she keeps a distance from mortals because she feels like she has some kind of obligation to not interfere. Besides, what good is a god no one wants to visit?
Shouldn't people WANT to go out of their way to seek her wisdom??
(And then she drags them towards her anyway lmao. Actually a very funny character. I have thoughts about her)
ONE EYE
He likes to see what words people use for him.
He likes to see what people call upon him, too.
This entity is not one who forces himself upon the land. He simply comes when he is called and they call him evil. Another one of his many names, he says.
At leaaaast... that's what he says. He is a VERY vindictive being when he feels slighted. If you declare war upon him, he will finish it.
"Scorched Earth" translates directly.
He can be incredibly cordial though. Surprisingly so. I actually have been thinking of having him visit each Clan in Thunderstar's Justice, meeting with its leaders, testing who would be his greatest partner.
During Hollyleaf's Century, Lion's Roar summoned him with a certain number of sacrifices.
But once One Eye moved into his body as a vessel, he didn't let go.
He was still using Lion's Roar as a vessel in DOTC. Lion's Roar had lost all control of his body, practically hollowed out.
I have a really clear feeling of his personality but it's hard to put into words. He's charming. He's well-spoken. His words smell like roses and sound like trickling blood. He asks to be invited and refuses to leave. If you offend him he will destroy you. He is interested in you. He watches hungrily like a snake.
And he ate Tom, partially because he was delicious, but primarily because he was a disobedient and disrespectful rat who did not know his place.
Star Flower is expected to know her place, too. She serves him. He is kind to her, and she loves him, but if she has to give up her life for him-- he expects her service.
As a god of war, sun, and fire, he's every bit as dangerous as you think he is.
You don't kill Gods. You trick them. Sun Shadow tricked him, seeing his body was unstable, and challenged,
"You are not the sun. Behold the sun that shines above us! It is there and you are here!"
"Haa. Your taunt shall not work. I am the sun and I shine just as bright."
"You do not shine now. I see no shine."
"Then behold!"
And that's how Sun Shadow got the guy to explode himself inside his shitty battered vessel LMAO
I have this full story in my head I just need to write it out tbh.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
ROCK
He wants to be left alone. He does not like you
He wasn't always this way. He is a god of measurement, archival, the night sky, memory. Quintessence and moonbeams, that which subsisteth, and what seems.
And once upon a time, he hosted a trial for those who wished to be his temporary vessels. Going down into the tunnels wasn't a trial for ALL warriors, just those who sought his ancient knowledge.
Once upon a time, he believed that the purpose of knowledge was to be shared, but only to those who would do right with it. He chose his vessels carefully and benevolently.
But what happened in Hollyleaf's Century changed him. It killed him. A selfish tyrant, the actions of her opposition, the senseless destruction of the victorians humans...
And then his vessel, Jay's Wing, was murdered. He felt him die and he couldn't save him; he's just a god of truth. Not of affecting it.
He's kinda got Sotha Sil vibes. His last big action was burying his vessel and casting a great spell upon a patch of Old Growth forest in what's now ThunderClan; the humans did not see it for many years, as if it simply wasn't important.
When the illusion faded, the humans simply believed they had not noticed it, or had underestimated its size.
Funfact: humans have big brains and lots of meat and are easy to disorient. That patch has a reputation for confusing people, hikers get lost there a lot.
Doesn't like people. Especially doesn't like Sol or Fallenleaf, refusing to distinguish that they are two different entities.
"You won't be, eventually. No I won't help you avoid that fate. Fuck you"
Has a softness for Jayfeather in particular and no one else. He would have let Hollypaw and those kits drown if he wasn't part of the group, that day.
But also Jay knows how to annoy him. If it wasn't for the fact he was the reincarnation of his beloved and tragically killed Final Vessel, he would have let him drown long ago.
Lightly malicious, in a way. Doesn't value mortal life. Mean.
Kinda ironic that Jay's reincarnation is more like Rock in this life than he is to Jay's Wing. Rock would lament that his influence has ruined him.
119 notes · View notes
1941-crowley-slut · 6 months
Text
Rant incoming
I cannot STAND how my mom talks to me about church when she wants me to go.
For context, we obviously stopped going during covid so we were away for 2-3 years and though she watched the live broadcast every Sunday, I didn't. In fact I always deliberately left the room at that time to stay away from it. At some point I told her I don't believe anymore (honestly I remember having doubts and questions (Crowley coded lmao) since I was a kid but 11-12 is where it really just set in that I don't have that kind of faith). She didn't take ir horribly bad but told me at the time she'd like it if I still joined her at church sometimes. Which, fine. Okay.
Fast forward to when she is actually going back to church and just throws on me the news that I am going too. Doesn't ask, just tells me I'm going. And I'm pissed as fuck the whole day after that, to the point that when she asks me to find my clothes for church I actually just keep looking at my closet and want to tear everything apart. I really avoid conflicts with my mother but this one had me. I was PISSED. So when she finally asked what was going on I told her "I don't want to go". And it wasn't so much that I wasn't willing to do it for her, it's that I felt she had no regard for my beliefs and just wanted her way. A
And funnily enough, she did. Because the reponse to that was: "I know, but I'd already told you I want you to come with me sometimes. Is it so terrible, you can't even make this one little sacrifice for your mother?"
Not me being guilt tripped, but anyway. I don't remember the end of that conversation but I remember other times. Once again for context, I was in 12th grade the year that passed and it was incredibly difficult study-wise. I had 6-7 hours of school every day, then anywhere from 2-5 hours of extra studies (sometimes almost immediately) and then I also had to do homework for both school and extra studies (seperate) and a lot of it was learning things by heart, plus we had tests and exams all the time like ALL the time, some weeks I'd have 5 tests in 3 days and I was going insane. Plus on extra studies we wrote exams on Saturdays. So it was all very very hectic and mom knew that and she was very awesome for the most part, but when it came to church she just didn't. Listen. To me.
She would go "You'll come this Sunday because the next weeks will be harder for you" but the matter of the fact was, she didn't know what weeks were harder for me. She thought for xyz reasons that later it'd be worse, but in reality the times she wanted me to go i was drowning in work and getting anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns cause everything was so much. Too much. And I'd say something like "Well this week's pretty bad" and expect her to get the hint but she'd go "it's just one hour in the morning, how important is it really, you probably wouldnt even be studying then"
(Not to mention it's not really 1 hour cause I need like an hour just to wake up and get ready, then 20 minute drive, the service was either 1 or 1 and a half hours, then it was however long chatting up with all the church people, another 20 minute drive home and then I was tired and we would have lunch and I just wanted to relax and sleep etc etc. So it wasnt at all just an hour. And maybe even if I hadn't gone to church that day, it'd still be afternoon and I wouldn't have gotten started on any work. But at least I would have spent some time for myself and then would force myself to work. But anyway again)
She just does this thing where she doesn't even ask or give me the illusion of a choice. Cause the truth is that church is usually not that bad, I can deal with it, it's fine. But I hate it just because she makes me feel forced to go. If she was just like "Hey, could you come with me to church this Sunday? I'd like that" I would be much happier to go. I know she doesn't want to be by herself and that she worries about what the church peoole will think (which pisses me off as well but thats another story), I don't mind keeping her company. But I mind when she suddenly springs it on me on Saturdays that "We're going to church tomorrow" and even if I show my discomfort with it she's like "Well you have to come sometimes."
And she just she has this way that I don't understand that when she says anything related to me going to church (e.g. "Find your clothes for tomorrow to see if anything needs to be ironed"), she says it in this firm tone and so suddenly that you just even subconsciously know you have no say in this. I don't get to react to this or have an opinion, it's just something I have to do. Because she said so. And if I was to try and react, she'd circle right back to guilt-tripping me (which at this point would be really funny because I have been trying lately to help her in every way I can so it's not like "You do everything for me and I'll do this small favor for you by coming with you", I have been offering to help with chores, I've been offering to learn stuff I dont know how to do so I can help her around the house, I have been helping as far as I can. But nonetheless I know this will end badly if I try to argue)
Anyway yeah it's just. I'm tired. At first I thought it was her desperate attempt to get me back into the church, to make me believe again. Now, though I still think she clings onto some hope about that, I also believe she thinks I'm too far gone for that and really just wants me there for company and for the eyes of the world, so none of the people know I'm not a believer anymore and supposedly think of her as a failed mother.
I'd just like to be counted like an equal person in here. Especially what with reaching adulthood and all. Like she actually scolded me when I said "I'd like to go out with my friends" and waited for their approval, because she said I was just making announcements and she wants me to ask next time. Even though I was still essentially waiting for them to say yes or no, I wasn't announcing anything. And she's said this before too, I'd leave for extra studies a little earlier sometimes to go get bubble tea and I'd tell her and then she'd go "I want you to ask beforehand". Why? She wasnt even home, no one was, and I would've left like 30 minutes later anyway cause I had to, what's the big deal? Or is it just about being controlled, hm? Is it that she can't watch me be an independent person? Feels like it.
Anyway my point was I have to literally ask for everything, like with a "Can I" and a question mark and all, because "We might have something else planned" (which as I said, if they had something planned for us to do would they not tell me? And either way, if something came up I'd just tell my friends I couldn't hang out after all cause something came up and it'd be fine. But no, she insisted.) but when it comes to me she just says "You're coming" and that's it and I HATE it. I HATE IT.
If she thinks she's bringing me closer to church this way someone tell her she couldn't be more wrong.
22 notes · View notes
albonoooo · 2 months
Text
got tagged by @wanderingblindly, thank you my beloved <3
what colour are your eyes?: a mixture of blue, green and grey that looks puddle-coloured most of the time.
tell me about your pets/your dream pet: after 15 wonderful years, our family dog paul (i named him that when i was five lol) unfortunately passed away in august 2023, i loved that dog more than most people. (there were some pictures of him here, but i got nervous that someone i know might see this so i removed them lmao). i'd love to get a dog or a cat at some point later in my life, but not now or any time soon.
share some interesting fact about yourself: i'm genuinely incredibly boring, so much so that i had to ask for help to find an answer here. the council decided on the fact that i know how to ride and own a motorcycle and am also a member in an mf in my hometown.
what was the first fandom you were a part of?: i guess the first time i was properly involved with fandom in any capacity was during my teen wolf days.
do you have any phobias?: i don't know if it's bad enough to be considered a phobia, but i'm terrified of heights. there have been several instances of me breaking down crying despite trying to keep it together while being in very high places (usually while having to climb dodgy stairs in very high buildings, among other things).
are you a picky eater? if so, what food can't you stand?: YES! and i hate it because it's so so limiting and annoying. i am incredibly sensitive regarding taste and texture and i have to physically force myself to hold back visceral reactions to foods i don't like. it'd probably be easier to list the foods i can eat tbh.
do you eat the burger and fries at the same time or one after another?: first some fries, then burger, fries, burger, fries, finish the burger, finish the fries. anything else is weird (what the fuck do you mean you eat them completely separately, liquid???)
winter or summer: winter all the way. i sweat easily, my body generally doesn't cope well with heat and i prefer bundling up and being a little cold over feeling too warm.
favourite fanfiction tropes: i LOVE a good au, any au really, but especially the cute ones. i'll read almost anything at least once and so there's just too many things i have read and enjoyed to list here. also, anything with an enemies to lovers situation. i am a sucker for that.
are you studying or working? what do you study/is your job?: both! i'm a full-time student (english major, history minor) and i am one of the student assistants in the english department's student office. i've also had other, less fun part-time jobs in the past.
what is the last country you visited: the netherlands and belgium during a day trip (by motorcycle) in june or july last year, i think.
what country would you want to move to after retiring?: i've haven't ever even considered living that long. i've always had a fascination with ireland and scotland, so based on looks and vibes alone i'd go there. or somewhere with solid winters, like a scandinavian country or finland.
who was your first crush?: hannes (played by nick romeo reimann) in the vorstadtkrokodile movies. i was ready for marriage, dreaming up a life together and everything. it also lasted until i was like 12 years old, so about six years in total. he really had me in a chokehold.
how did you get into f1 fandom?: after my interest was peaked by f1 edits that randomly popped up all over my social media one day (thank you algorithms), i did what i always do when something like that happens and opened tumblr to see what's up. and then i got stuck lol.
i have no clue who has or hasn't been tagged already, so feel free to ignore this!! @hrhgeorgerussell @bright-and-burning @borntogayz @lil-italian-disappointment @liamlawsonlesbian @piastrisms
18 notes · View notes
pllat30 · 16 days
Text
Pilot Rewatch
Tumblr media
A warning that my posts may contain spoilers for FIRST time watchers!!
I'm going to be sharing my original thoughts during the first time watching this when I was 17, and my current thoughts rewatching at 30. Some things have changed a lot for over the years lol
I'd also like to add that I may talk about characters being attractive or whatever, but I'm most likely talking about the ACTORS. **For example, Ezra, when I first watched PLL I fell in love with him. Of course, now things have changed with how I feel about the character, but I still find the actor, Ian Harding, incredibly attractive. So if it seems like I'm complimenting Ezra in my current thoughts, I'm talking about Ian.
The Barn Scene:
Right off the bat, the song, DONTTRUSTME by 3OH!3 throws so much nostalgia in my face!! I loved that song so much when it came out!!
Do they really only have the one glass of alcohol they're passing around? Why not a whole bottle?
I know the girls seem really cringy a lot of times but really, that's how a lot of teens are lol so cringe. I definitely was!
First Watch: Hmm. What was Spencer doing awake first??
Rewatch: My poor baby Spencer! :(
Present time, Aria moved back:
I fell in love with Aria's style right away! And her storyline with the secret between her and her dad, Bryon, got me hooked for sure.
Even now, I find it hard to see a teen girl going into a bar alone and ordering food. Unless it's more of a bar and grill?? I'm not sure.
First watch: Ezra is so cute! Just a regular guy thinking he found a cute girl his age. He seems so sweet.
Rewatch: OMG noooo Aria! RED FLAG! He even mentioned writing a BOOK!! OMG!
DANG girl! Aria, you used to just kissing guys who you JUST MET???
Hanna, Mona, and Spencer at the Mall:
I did not like Hanna, Spencer, and Mona at all at in this scene. They seemed so bitchy and snobby. I could not relate to them at all at 17. Now I see awkwardness between Hanna and Spencer, they used to be so close and now they're not. I get that now whenever I run into people I went to school with lol still think Mona is a bitch.
First Watch: OMG Hanna is going to get caught! I can't watch! Rewatch: OMG Hanna your mom is going to hook up with that pervy detective now! I mean I'm not blaming you but damn it's going to suck for you!
Back to School with Aria:
Bryon and Aria are so tense in their scenes together talking about his stupid affair. With a student... I don't fail to see the irony. I actually love how that is written.
I love Emily and Aria's friendship. And I totally get falling out of touch with people.
Oh no... the new teacher... LMAO
Tumblr media
Yuck, how Hanna and Mona walk into the classroom. Aria is shocked lol
First Watch: NO FUCKING WAY!! THE GUY FROM THE BAR IS HER TEACHER!! THATS HOT!
Rewatch: EW... OOOH OMG! Mona is at her desk kinda looking away and down like she's discreetly TEXTING under her desk! OHOHOHO!
Emily's House:
OMG I still hate Emily's mom, Pam. At least in the early parts of the show.
Not going to lie I almost forgot about Maya lol I wish her character lasted longer. Just meeting someone and hanging out in their room is wild to me now lol but at 17, totally normal lol but still a little awkward at first.
Spencer's House:
I HATE MELISSA SO MUCH!! ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL!! This is when I started liking Spencer, I felt so bad for her. She's such a hard worker.
First Watch: Oooh who is the hot British guy?? He deserves someone better than bitch Melissa. He's seems so sweet with Spencer. They should get together.
Rewatch: UGH, Wren is still so cute but... UGH I can't remember how exactly he ties into everything with the endgame. But now realizing that he's older and with Spencer's sister, he turned into a creeper.
Aria and Ezra alone in classroom:
First Watch: OMG Aria and Mr. Fitz is so sad. They like each other but can't be together!
Rewatch: Ezra should have stuck with saying he can't be involved with her, wtf!?!
Emily and Maya kiss:
First Watch: Aww, Emily and Maya are cute together. I don't get why Emily can't just come out and tell people.
Rewatch: This is so sad. I know why Emily doesn't want anyone to know, but still.
Spencer's house:
First Watch: I would love a hot British guy to rub my shoulders. So jealous.
Rewatch: I mean I would still love that, but not as a minor with an older guy who is dating and having sex with my older sister!! Get away from her Wren!
Bryon and Ella:
Like, IDK how Ella didn't just stop Bryon right there and ask him WTF is going on. He's acting so suspicious!
Spencer's room:
God I feel so bad for Spencer. I would have been so PISSED with someone moving into my space that I made! I wouldn't have been surprised if she just set the damn thing on fire lmao. WHO THE HELL DID SPENCER SEE IN ALSON'S BEDROOM WINDOW?? I STILL DON'T KNOW!!
FLASHBACKS:
ALI is such a bitch, how were the girls friends with her to begin with?? WTF!
Hanna's House:
OMG that detective is such a perv. He knew walking up to Hanna's door what was going to happen with Ashley making a deal,or at least hoped for it. That pervy grin he has walking inside... I forget exactly what the detective's connections are with Alison and A and everything... but he's sus.
I feel bad for Hanna, I had problems with my body and weight as a teen too... You don't need your father Hanna!! He's a little bitch.
OMG EWW the detective making out with Ashley right in front of Hanna, GROSS that Ashley knows Hanna is right there... WTF
Finding Alison's Body... This song… Suggestions by Orella Has Orchestra. It hits me RIGHT in the feels!!
LOL the recasting of some of the characters seen at the funeral.
First Watch: OMG Ezra and Aria are so cute! He stops her and they kiss again! Maybe things will work out.
Rewatch: Aria, STEP AWAY from Ezra!!!... EZRA!!! STOP!! POLICE!
"Popular in life and death." I love Spencer Quotes lol
OOOH the phone text notification!!
I'm still here bitches!!!
I was very entertained watching this again. I started to remember some things that are connected. I look forward to continuing watching and seeing what else I can catch! I love foreshadowing!
5 notes · View notes
ryverbind · 1 year
Text
Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Strawberry Lipgloss [8]
"Okay," I tell dad through my sleepy eyes and groggy voice. "I have to make this believable." Dad nods ferociously, eyebrows drawn together curiously. 
"So, excuse me for a moment," I say, holding up a finger and clearing my throat. Then, I scream a good, long, loud, unnecessary scream.
Dad flinches and I can't help but smile when he glares at me, clicking his tongue and undoubtedly disapproving of my unsavory tactics.
I finish my scream and cough a bit. That should be enough, seeing as I've managed to kickstart a scratchy throat.
I fish my phone out of my carry on bag and dial my boss's number. He ends up scowling at my excuse, but I think my coughing and hoarse voice passed his bullshit test. I promised him I'd be heading to the doctor while taking my day off.
My bags were packed and ready to go right before I headed to bed last night. I only left out a change of clothes and my toothbrush and toothpaste for the morning before packing them too. 
I packed my mask as well. I wouldn't be meeting The Faces without it, after all.
A nervous smile pulls at my lips as I think of the intricate purple mask hiding safely in my luggage. I'll be putting it to good use for the first time ever tonight and the reminder sends a rejuvenating pulse through my body.
I'm going to be boarding my flight in about two hours and I'm so excited that I physically and mentally cannot stay still. I'm fantasizing about our meeting, wondering how it'll go.
Larry would probably notice me first and know that I was there. He would jump around like a lunatic and hug me, then try to pick me up with his little lanky self. I'm genuinely looking forward to finally being able to see his long, luscious hair that he's been growing since he was a teenager. 
I haven't seen a photo of Larry since he was eighteen-- he's nearly twenty three now, so I'm sure his hair is incredibly long. He better not have cut it.
Sal will, hopefully, not associate me with a certain Lexi. But would he be kind to me? Would he recognize my voice?
I don't know what to expect of Todd, seeing as he's such a formal guy, but I know Ash is going to know me just by stance alone.
I can't wait to embrace my best friend, feel her warmth and the rush of emotions that'll come with finally being reunited.
I carry these thoughts with me as I tell my dad goodbye, giving him a tight hug and promising to stay safe. I ponder a bit more as I pass through security. I giggle and smile to myself while waiting outside my gate, and I pull out my phone to text Ash just because I can't keep all this excitement to myself as I settle into my seat towards the back of the plane.
All this excitement made the time pass ridiculously fast.
My veins are filled with never-ending adrenaline. My sleep-deprived brain is running on straight expectations and hope. My heart is pumping out optimism and begging for a break, but my mind doesn't let up. We're going to hold onto these positive emotions until we have to go home.
Me hiya ashy!! how's vegas? :P
Ashers &lt;3 Hi baby!!!! Vegas is awesome so far. We're up at the crack ass of dawn  (Larry and Sal hate it but Todd and  I are troopers) for a meeting with some other popular streamers out  here. I think it's some kind of  breakfast meet and greet thing??? Idk. But how are you!!
Me well, not suffering like you guys lmao. just getting ready for an 8 o'clock  shift. the usual.
Ashers &lt;3 Yuck :( make sure you punch your boss for me. He's the whole reason I won't be seeing you!!!
Me no issue there. i've been waiting to lay a good one on him for ages. you're just giving me a good excuse to actually go through with it :3
Ashers &lt;3 That is my job as your bad influence ;)
Me prayer hands to that, babe. wouldn't be where i am today without miss ash's guidance <333
Yes, I know, I should just tell Ash that I'm literally about to take off on a flight headed straight to Las Vegas, but the prospect of surprising her-- seeing the elation and shock on her face-- I can't pass that up. This'll be worth it.
"Would you like something to drink before we take off, ma'am?" 
My head flies up and I meet a flight attendant's smiling gaze. Her lips are a fiery red, her hair meticulously and beautifully fixed into blonde waves flowing down her back.
I gape at her beauty for a moment before smiling politely. "Um, would you happen to have coffee? Or tea?" I ask after a moment, wincing at my own awkward question. I just really need some kind of caffeine. 
"We have both!" she chirps, her sweet voice reminding me of Ash's. I can't help but smile wider at the connection. "Which would you prefer?"
"Coffee, if possible," I say, squeezing my phone a little tighter in my hands.
"Great! Creamer and sugar as well?" 
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you!" I tell her, to which she nods then walks over to the seat in front of me to ask the people ahead the same thing.
I glance down at my phone again just as our pilot announces that we'll be taking off within a few moments. That means I won't be able to talk to Ash for a bit.
Ashers &lt;3 Aww, you're too sweet, my little love. I'll always be here to catch you when you fall :D
Me i would hope so!! i have to go though, so i'll text you in a bit when i get a break, kay?
Ashers &lt;3 Sure thing, sweetness!  Se latrevo <3333
Me ermmmmm i love you too??? if that's what that means?
Ashers &lt;3 It's Greek for "I adore you!!!" 
Me cute <333 se latrevo too (LMAO)
I close my phone with a smile as the wheels of the plane start moving, only gaining speed as we practically fly down the runway. Exhilaration takes over my entire body as I look away from the woman beside me and stare at the fast moving objects outside of the little window.
The plane lifts from the ground and my stomach practically jumps in my body, all my limbs tensing up as I cling to the tray in front of me. That's it, I'm officially unable to go back on my last-minute plans.
It feels a bit refreshing knowing that I have no other option now. For the longest time (all night and all morning), I didn't think I'd actually be able to do it, but here I am. And I'm so proud of myself for this.
With my head held high as my coffee gets placed down beside me, I look around the inside of the airplane, glancing away from people who suddenly meet my gaze. I'm not embarrassed though, I'm on top of the world right now. There isn't a single thing that could turn my mindset around. 
I'm going to finally fucking see my friends!
My eyes travel along the various rows of seats that I can physically see (which isn't all that much) and I'm momentarily blessed by the sight of a little fur baby passing by my row.
I perk up a bit more instantly, smiling as the woman sitting beside me spews out an audible, "Oh my goodness! Look at that baby!"
I watch the exchange between the woman and pet owner, noting the yellow lab who sits right on top of its owners feet, tongue hanging out of its mouth like it doesn't have a care in the world. The little vest around it's body catches my eye and I find myself respecting the lady beside me for not reaching out to pet the sweet baby. It's a medical service dog.
"What's their name?" The woman beside me asks, smiling down at the dog who pants heavily.
"Her name is Yeager," The owner says proudly, giving their dog a little head pat. "She's a cardiac alert dog, so thank you for letting her do her job."
"Oh, no need, honey!" The woman says politely before smiling at little (well, rather large actually) Yeager again. "What a hard-working little thing! She's such a good girl."
Watching the exchange suddenly turns into a horror movie for me, actually, it's a bit more like a nightmare in which I can't wake from. You know, when you're being chased but you physically can't move. That's exactly how I feel-- the freeing feeling of taking flight is replaced by the very obvious realization that I can no longer escape the personal hell that I've stuck myself in.
Fuck. Oh no.
I've really made a terrible mistake. Why couldn't my father have let me cry for a few days?
Is there any possible way for me to get off this plane? I don't care if I lose my life. It's better than landing in Vegas within the next hour. 
We're already over three thousand and something feet in the air and probably traveling over a hundred mph, but maybe I can just... you know... pop open the emergency hatch and launch myself out of it. At least everyone would be able to talk about how I went sky-diving at my funeral. 
The woman and the owner of Yeager continue to chat for a bit while I try to contain my flaming cheeks and wide eyes, pushing down the memory that holds me in a vice grip-- it's like I'm bound in chains, forced to listen to everything all over again.
How could I have forgotten? And worse, why did this woman calling a dog a good girl resurface the fucking memory? I'm losing it. It's official.
I was so preoccupied with not being able to go to Las Vegas that I forgot why I really shouldn't fucking go. And now it's too late.
I completely ignored the lingering memory of one of the most exhilarating nights of my life. 
Yea, I'm an idiot. An unremarkable one, mind you, who was, again, reminded of Sal and I's salacious act simply because a woman uttered the words "good" and "girl" to a dog. The dog isn't my issue because she is, in fact, a good girl. I'm just shocked that I've traveled this low on the pyramid of idiocy and lunacy. 
Sigmund Freud really would have loved me.
I finally decide to just duck my head down and let it rest on my tray, nearly knocking over my fresh, scalding hot coffee. My eyes are still wide as I cross my arms around my head, my cheeks still burning with the rage of 25,000 babies being denied titties. I mean, what better way to explain how betrayed I feel? And not to mention, I'm the damn betrayer. I've betrayed myself. Larry would be proud of that statement, at least.
Sally and I haven't talked about what happened-- nor do I want to talk about what happened (it's unavoidable). We haven't even spoken since he left me hanging like a little bitch when Larry jumped into the voice chat and scared the orgasm out of me. 
Somewhere, somehow, my unconscious brain decided it would be a fantastic idea to have the conversation with Sally in person. Now, I'm forced to do just that. Fucking hell. 
I gulp down my overwhelming feelings. There's no going back now, unfortunately. I'll just have to devise a plan that keeps Sally Face's mouth shut until we're alone (which I pray never happens) or until I'm back home, safe and sound. 
Actually, this might be good for me. Sally, despite his shitty vendetta against me, is actually pretty shy and quiet in person. I doubt he'd be brave enough to say anything out loud, so maybe this will prolong the time I have before having to talk to him about our weird phone sex thing that happened the other night.
I mentally pat myself on the back. Maybe I'm not all that dumb. I, miraculously, have some kind of intellectual influence deep down for me to be this smart about avoiding an unwanted talk with my enemy. Perfect.
Doesn't change the fact that Sally is dangerously hot though, by the way.
Either way, I have to look Sally in the eye later knowing that I heard him beating the crap out of his dick to the thought of me. I'll never forget it, and part of me doesn't want to. It was really good.
And I'll also have to look him in the eye knowing that I completely submitted to him and tried to defy him in the end. And he'll know that too.
The thought makes me shiver and I feel like I might vomit for a moment. Whether I have to talk to Sally or not about what we did, I absolutely have to be near him tonight even if I don't want to. I can't escape his presence any longer.
If I think about my future dilemmas any more, I actually will jump out of this plane and risk everyone else inside of it the second I open this emergency hatch. Which, by the way, said emergency hatch is perfectly placed beside me like it was planned out beforehand that I'd sit in a place where I could make a quick getaway. That's it, death by sky-diving is my destiny.
Fuck this-- not like I can actually go back to twenty minutes ago and step off this plane. My fate is sealed and so is my fucking seat belt.
I huff out a quiet, pitiful sigh and close my eyes, wiggling in my seat to get into a better position. My coffee will go cold, but it's better than stressing over the near future knowing I had no time to prepare. Not to mention, any announcement from the pilot would probably stress me out and make me think I'll die. So a nap will do better than my anxiety will for the next hour.
And my nap turns out to be atrocious. I'm trapped in a cage, Sal's tattooed arms chaining me in. It's almost morbid-- especially since I still took the time to trace every inch of what I could remember about the intricate designs on his skin. I am a mess even when asleep and the messy part of my brain follows me into the waking world when a gentle shake startles me from my stupid ass dream.
I throw my head up, eyes wide as I turn to the woman beside me. She has a gentle smile on her lightly worn features, a couple grey hairs peaking through the dark strands that hang over her shoulder. She has a bag in her hand as she stands and people rush past her.
We've landed.
I take a deep, sleepy breath and smile at the woman. "Thank you," I mumble the raspy words, stretching quickly before standing up. "Didn't realize I slept so long."
"That's alright, sweetie," the woman says comfortingly. At least she's nice-- though, I'd gathered that much from the way she spoke to Yeager earlier. "Just wanted to make sure you got off the flight." She gives me a little nod then turns, walking off of the plane.
I deflate in my seat and watch a wave of jet-lagged people pass through the aisle in front of me, waiting for the crowd to clear up before I start gathering my things. I'm in no rush now, remembering that I'll be seeing Sally Face come nightfall.
But I'll also be seeing Ash, Larry, and Todd...
I lift myself from my seat with a grunt and push past a few people to quickly grab my bag from the compartment above my row of seats. 
After getting off the plane, waiting for my second bag isn't too rough. It takes a good ten minutes for it to finally pop up on a conveyer belt, but I take off to a Starbucks next to the bag pick-up area to grab breakfast, which consists of a bagel, a cake pop, and a peppermint mocha frappuccino because it's my favorite bitch coffee ever.
I travel through the airport, one bag on my shoulder (which holds my breakfast) as I drag my suitcase behind me and glance around with my green straw in my mouth, constantly sipping on my cold coffee that is ten times better than whatever I ordered on the plane, clearly, since I ended up throwing it away anyway.
People whiz past me, disappearing up escalators or squeezing through packed doorways. I don't wish to be anywhere near it, I mean, who would? That's an anxious nightmare, but I know I'll have to subject myself to that torture eventually. I might as well just get it over with now so I can hail a taxi and get to my hotel. Then, I can hide for the rest of the day until tonight.
I push past a few people as I make my way to the doors leading out of the airport. I wish I could get a good look at my surroundings because the airport is ginormous, but I'm too focused on getting out of dodge. I have so many things I want to look forward to and want to avoid all at the same time, but I can't do that until I finally have time to relax in my hotel room.
I manage to panic enough to the point where I disregard anyone ahead of me in line and just grab a taxi toward the back, more than ready to get to my hotel and crash for the next few hours. I don't even want to think about how excited I am to see Larry, Ash, and Todd because the fear of seeing Sally just completely ruins it.
So I get dropped off at a plain Hilton a couple blocks away from the strip at about twelve in the afternoon, check into my room, and drag the remainder of my dignity as well as my heavy bags up a few stories before finally just crashing onto my bed.
I want to cry because I'm starting to wonder if this was a bad idea, but I am in Las Vegas. Dad paid for me to come visit my friends, so I have to do it. I'm sure it'll work out anyway. I doubt it'll turn out too bad, my head is just messing with me like it always does.
But right now, things just suck. The only good thing about my trip at this exact moment is that my bed is insanely comfortable. That's a pretty awesome outcome seeing as I just want to sleep to ignore all of my worries.
My day seems to fly by as though it's been sped up. My plane ride was made quick due to me being so much of a mess, and now my day is gone since I somehow wake up at about six in the evening.
I'm too distressed to put an actual meal in my stomach, so my dinner consists of complimentary cookies that got dropped onto my tray in the airplane. I can't stomach anything more than that. And for the rest of the time, I watch a few reruns of The Office, tucked into the sheets of my bed with the comforter pulled up to my chin.
At some point, I lift my phone that's been laying face down on my bed to see a missed call from Ash, a few texts in the Discord chat, and then I notice that it's fucking 8:30 pm.
On a normal day, I'd use my lateness as an excuse to just not go altogether, but I didn't waste dad's money and I didn't come all the way here to not see my friends.
I can call, well, talk to Ash later. She'll be seeing me soon anyway.
So, I jump out of bed with a frustrated curse slipping past my lips and run into the bathroom beside my bed. It's a small room, not like I need anything big. I'm just one person.
I'll have to be... fashionably late, I suppose. No issues there. I'm sure many people are going to show up late. It's not like it'll end thirty minutes after it begins, right?
I take a quick shower, blow dry my hair, and put on some eyeliner and mascara. I'm not trying to make a statement. If anything, I'm trying to fly under the radar. Hopefully the little bit of makeup conceals me from being recognized. The last thing I want is for Larry or Todd to recognize me as y/n.
After my face and hair are done, I throw on fishnets and tuck a Fall Out Boy shirt into a black skirt that rests on my hips, then I throw on my worn black and white, hightop vans.
It's nothing special. My boi Kieran said to wear whatever, so I am. At least the fishnets add a little fun to the look.
My last little addition is the mask I bought just a few days ago. It feels as though it weighs hundreds of pounds in my two small hands. But not in a bad way-- I just cherish it so much that the weight of its unspoken value almost seems to double as I simply gaze upon it.
With a breath, I situate it onto my face, tucking the straps under my hair.
I pack a few bills into the back of my phone case and check my bank account, making sure I have a bit of money there too in case I need it. Then I finally run out of my room and out of the hotel in general, hailing a taxi who takes me through the city, adding another thirty minutes to my trip because of traffic.
Despite my poor punctuality, I can't help but feel mesmerized by all the tall, lit up buildings swarmed with people. And once the MGM Grand comes into view, I feel nervous with all the people hanging around the entrance like a pond of alligators waiting to feast upon my bones. It's a scary feeling, but hopefully I can squeeze past everyone and find where I need to go.
My taxi stops in the middle of people, right in front of the door. It's worst case scenario-- I have to step out in the middle of a raving crowd. I don't want that, but what else can I do?
I scramble out of the car, swinging around in a panic when the taxi screeches off behind me. I stare at the spot that repopulates with people instantly, all chatting and looking up at the giant, towering building in front of us.
It's hypnotizing, beautiful. I feel dizzy just by staring up at the roof that covers the driveway before I look over to the doors that almost seem to glow. But unfortunately, the moment doesn't last long because I can't see much through the ridiculous amount of bodies in my way.
Las Vegas sucks while I have my feet on the ground. There are way too many people which makes the views hard to enjoy, especially as I find myself fighting through everyone in my way who just wants casino's.
I eventually stagger through the doorway, trying to hold myself back from running over to a desk with a few workers hanging around. Damn, I really want to go back to my hotel. I've had enough of being around people today.
My stomach feels queazy and my limbs tremble a bit as I take quick steps, my presence easily gaining the attention of a lady working behind the counter.
She smiles politely at me, but a curious, almost wary look crosses her gaze as she watches me walk up. She's probably confused by the mask, but I don't have the time or the desire to explain why I'm wearing it.
"Um, hi," I murmur, smiling carefully. "I'm trying to, uh, get to the roof. For the party." The words are almost too quiet, so I force myself to speak louder despite the tremor tainting my voice. 
"Oh," the woman says sweetly, still eyeing me carefully. "I need to see your invite, then." She's kind, but something about her forced expression tells me she fucking hates her job.
I pull my phone from the waistband of my skirt and open up my email to get to the invite before passing the device to her. I watch as her eyes scan over my phone and she purses her lips before handing it back to me. 
She looks down, grabbing a clipboard. "Name?" she asks.
Yikes. I mean, it wouldn't be my actual name right? Kieran doesn't know me-- he only knows Vi.
"Um, VioletViolence," I whisper, cracking my knuckles and trying to keep my feet still. I don't need to scuff up this nice floor.
The woman's eyes narrow as she drags her eyes over the paper, flipping it to another sheet before her eyes widen a bit, "Aha!" she exclaims, like she's proud of herself. "Here you are. I'll give you a passcode for the top floor, you have to put it in as soon as you get into the elevator. After that, you're good to go!"
She cheered up a lot. I guess it helped to find out that I'm not some random crazy person.
"Oh, okay. Thanks," I smile cautiously.
Turns out, the passcode to the roof is 1989, just like the Taylor Swift album. That'll be easy to remember.
I punch the code into the elevator nervously, watching as a little green light envelops the button for the roof. Then, I travel slowly upwards for what feels like five full minutes until the doors finally open up to a party that practically smacks me in the face.
I look through the crowd, my heart beating wildly while a mix of electronic and rock music pulses in the air around me. People take up almost every inch of space on this rooftop. At some point, I note the LED lighted (and probably heated) pool crowded with randoms.
My eyes wander every which way in awe. I've never been to Vegas in my life, but the view is so much more than I expected now that I'm able to actually get a good look at it. Everything is exceptionally tall, super modernized and lavish, and lit up with a plethora of colored lights. Actually, I can see The Venetian from here.
I make my way to the edge of the rooftop, squeezing past people to get a good glimpse of the lights, buildings and moving life below me. 
This moment feels so surreal. I'm surrounded by people I don't know, just like I have been all damn day, looking for my four-- three-- friends who aren't even expecting me. Right here, in this moment, I'm alone in one of America's busiest and most well-know cities.
I have so many fucking options. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could jump from this roof to the balcony below and get cheered on. Everything-- anything-- goes in Las Vegas.
The area is fun, but the situation is dangerous. I'm feeling risky. It's a stark contrast to how nervous I was moments ago, but seeing all of Las Vegas from up here has brought me back to life in a way.
To my left is a pool side bar, though, which will ultimately help me in the long run. If I want to pursue my risky thoughts that I'm too afraid to act on when sober, then alcohol is a good start.
I push through bodies again, holding onto one half of my mask in fear. I think I'd call it quits on life if I get pushed around so much that it falls off. Genuinely, I'd just pack up and leave.
Out of everything though, that's my only true fear at the moment, even with the lingering reminder that I'll have to find The Faces soon. I have, well, used to have horrible social anxiety, and yet here I am in one of the most social situations I've even laid my eyes on in years.
Here, I actually have to converse with people unlike whenever I was in the airport and getting into this casino/hotel--whatever it is. This right here is something to feel good about.
I'm proud of myself.
I weave past another person and slap a hand onto the bar counter, hanging on for dear life when a few people shove past me and nearly take me with them. Wincing, I make awkward eye contact with the bartender who just stares at me. 
Yea, asshole. Could have helped.
"Whatcha got?" The bartender asks, filling up multiple glasses. I know he's busy. There are people in every free spot around the bar. What a fucking party, right?
"Um, can I get a screwdriver, I guess?" I yell to him, trying to make sure he can hear me over the music. 
He nods once, grabbing another glass. "$15."
My eyes practically shoot out of my head and I feel like I'll choke on the way I'm being strangled with my pretty much empty bank account. "Is that a joke?" I cough out, watching as he fills the glass up with the equivalent to three shots.
The bartender shoots me a frustrated look that immediately tells me he isn't kidding.
He puts a splash of orange juice into what I would consider straight fucking alcohol then scoots it over to me.
I wince, giving my glass a little twirl in hopes to give myself some clarity and not straight vodka towards the bottom of the glass. Then, I pull a $20 from the back of my phone case and pass it to him. "Keep the change," I murmur, plucking a straw from a styrofoam cup then returning to my task of attempting to find The Faces.
Honestly, finding the group in a sea of people like this is probably impossible. There are just so many bodies and not enough consideration for the poor souls (me) trying to find their way around. 
I can just barely make out an unoccupied stage. There's a microphone set up on it and speakers towards the back. It's right on the edge of the large rooftop, so maybe I'll be able to find some space there and catch a breath before I keep looking.
And of course, I could make this easier for myself and just call Ash. I could make this entire search simpler for everyone by letting her know that I have shown up. Who wouldn't do that?
But I'm scared. I love Ash more than anything and she's my best friend, but I also haven't seen her, Larry, or Todd in over ten years. The thought of physically reconnecting after so long worries me. Talking online is easy compared to actually being there, in person, flesh and all, for the thought process of every single question and answer. What if we all are too awkward and don't know how to physically speak to each other?
It's an anxious worry that makes me shiver as I break through the end of the thick crowd.
Suddenly though, I don't have any time left to worry again like I've been doing all day.
I should have known that Sally Face would be as close as he could possibly be to music. Thus, there he is, standing in front of the stage with his back leaned against the edge. And where he goes, the rest of the group goes.
All the air leaves my lungs all at once. My feet are cemented to the ground and my free hand bunches into the fabric of my black skirt.
They stand in a row-- Sally, Ash, Larry, then Todd.
Sally Face is the shortest one in the group. I never would have suspected it just by meeting him once. I mean, he isn't exactly short. I'd say he must be between five foot eight and five foot ten. That's a decent height. But Ash is a head taller than him-- that alone shocks me into stillness. And Larry is even taller than Ash. Then Todd is about Ash's height.
As always, Sally looks delectable. Just looking at him once fills me with memories of his sultry, dirty words and the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips. What a dangerously frustrating man.
He's wearing a tan, almost sandy colored, Memphis May Fire shirt paired with black jeans and classic vans. The neutral colors clash wildly against the bright, slap-you-in-the-face color of his hair alongside his expressionless prosthetic, but I'm into it. He looks so fucking good and I can see the tattoos on his arms so well.
How I ache to run my hands over every inch of ink covering his skin. To see him flinch beneath my touch again. To read his story depicted in images that stain his body. It's a deep yearning that fills me with a feeling akin to rage-- it's just as euphoric, adrenaline-inducing, and deteriorating as rage is to me. 
My eyes rake over him inch by inch, dragging up and down slowly until I've memorized each curve, crevice, freckle, scar, and every other little thing easy to miss regarding his physical body.
I wish I could see more of him. I want nothing more than to peel that prosthetic off of his face and get a look at the beauty he hides so desperately. I just know deep in my soul that he's pretty. There's no way a handsome asshole like him wouldn't have a pretty face.
His electric blue eyes rake across the area in front of him, but he thankfully never looks at me. It gives me an open opportunity to ogle him from afar. 
I trail my eyes from his bruised fingertips, all over his ink-stained forearms while I meticulously map out each twist and turn of the veins that lead up to his lightly bulging biceps. Then, I follow the curves of his lightly scarred neck. 
Somehow, the in-person image of his pretty throat is better than the photo Larry sent me. That shattered sword tattoo glints under the lights, a result of the thin sheen of sweat on his skin. It brings out the barely noticeable differences in the color of his skin-- his scars. They're lining the underside of his jaw and just a bit on the left side of his neck. I wish I could bite into his skin.
His messy hair and fringe cover the top and sides of his prosthetic, but I'm still able to get a good look at the dips and curves of every inch of it. I'm even able to see the top corner of his prosthetic that's pink instead of white. I wonder why that is.
But even if they aren't real, I can't help but stare at his prosthetic lips. Someday, I'll get to feel his real lips behind the barrier between me and his face.
I try to shake off the simp side of my brain, shocked at my own thoughts. Why am I so eager just over one look at him? Am I that bad off right now? This is an issue.
Sally Face is dangerous.
He has this confident, god-like aura about him that drips with the equivalent to gold-- if there was a color to describe the way he acts, it would be gold. It's in his stance, in his sharp and hypnotizing gaze, in the way he curls his fingers towards himself in a gesture as Ash watches him-- they're likely talking. 
Sally face is tantalizing in every aspect of who he is. Personality, looks, vibes. I want my fingers in his cerulean hair so I can ruffle up the soft looking, layered waves. I want to drag my fingertips down the few scars littering his neck. I want to shatter that sword on his throat a little more, see how much deeper he can break. I want his pale skin between my teeth, and I want his gaze on me. 
But these are silly thoughts. I can't embrace or act on them. Especially not right now.
I turn my gaze to Ash, the reincarnated Aphrodite dripping in modern eloquence. When imagining the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, I'd think of her over and over again. I feel that anyone else would, too. 
Ash's hair has grown since her major cut about a year ago, it's just hanging over her shoulders, brushing her upper back. It's the color of silky chocolate, flowing smoothly and elegantly as though she'd spent hours preparing it. And hell, maybe she did spend a while fixing it up. But the point is that she makes effort look effortless. 
The model-like air about her is swathed in a kind-hearted and welcoming feeling that comes just from seeing her do something as simple as smile. Ash is completely one of a kind, an alien in a realm where beauty is misguided and thought to be something else entirely. She's too breathtaking to be walking within ten feet of me. She's too good for this universe she's been sent to.
Ash is wearing a maroon colored dress that hugs her curves in every perfect place possible. There's a slit going up the right side of the dress-- her thigh squeezes against the fabric, more than likely attracting every person's attention within a three-mile radius. She's simply and utterly a sight to behold.
Not like she needs makeup, but even the little bit that she's wearing on her celestially stunning face compliments her dress, her personality, and her overall aura perfectly. Just a little bit of a dark brown shade on her eyelids, accentuating the glowing color of her viridian irises as she, oh shit, makes eye contact with me. But it's only for a moment before she... looks away again? 
Anyway, her pearly white teeth are on display when Sally nudges her, pointing off into another direction. Each of her features lifts with the action and makes her look even more otherworldly. She's something else entirely.
I continue dragging my eyes along the entire group, passing my gaze over Larry now who absolutely blows my mind. In fact, I can't quite believe that it's the same scrawny, metal-loving, long-haired, emo teenager I last saw a photo of just two years ago. 
Larry is ripped in every meaning and centimeter of the word. He used to be an awkward, lanky guy-- but now, his biceps seem like they're hardly able to fit into his plain black t-shirt, even his chest is squeezing against the fabric. Veins protrude over the inside of his forearms-- a tidbit I notice when he gestures over to Ash to mention something. 
Small tattoos litter various areas of his tanned arms, little crosses or x's, I even see a My Chemical Romance and Sanity's Fall tattoo on him. The ink is a beautiful complement to his honey-colored skin. He's incredibly handsome, I'll give him that. Even in just a plain shirt, black jeans, and red converse-- he's killing the look and making it something unique to him. Actually, I'll bet he wore that shirt because it looks best on him. 
I trail my eyes up his sculpted neck and to his striking, chiseled face that seems to have matured quite a bit in the past couple years. His eyes are a mesmerizing and dominant shape that beautifully accompanies his dark brown eyes that seem to mimic the shade of black coffee with just a splash of creamer. His angular cheekbones and jawline make him seem like a fully functioning Roman sculpture come to life. And more than anything, I'm so excited to see that the cute gap between his front teeth is still present when he flashes a hypnotizing smile to his left while running a tattooed hand through his hair.
Larry's septum is pierced, a new addition to his look that I didn't hear of. While a minimal difference, it gives him a boost in the 'attractive guy' department. He looks so different, but so familiar. All in all, he looks just as lickable as Sal does, only he's one of my best friends and I absolutely refuse to pursue anything that could break the bond I have with him.
I finally turn to Todd, a fleshed out man who's incredibly elegant in his own right. He's drool-worthy in a contrasting way compared to the rest of the group-- he's the embodiment of an academia professor and he's absolutely killing the look.
Todd's face is cherubic, angelic even but still handsome in a way that seems to make him shine in the dark of the night. The curves of his face are visible, but not sharp and cut-throat like Larry's features are, for example. Little light freckles paint the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks, bringing out the inebriating color of his nearly colorless, inky eyes. Thin lips and a light brush of facial hair on his chin really brings his pretty features together to make him look even more attractive, especially under the moonlight and LEDs. 
His curly, red hair is styled in a side part, a singular curl hanging over his forehead in a way that fills me with an urge to push the hair into place with the rest. And perhaps he styled his hair like that on purpose, to make everyone yearn to touch him. 
He's dressed in black trousers that are perfectly ironed, a white, button-up dress shirt, and a dark grey blazer that could almost be considered some type of trench coat if not for the style. Then, a pair of shiny black dress shoes.
Todd pulls off the look wonderfully, and never in my life did I imagine I would ever see him sporting dark colors, but the neutral and darker shades look amazing on him. Compared to the monotonous, bright-colored boy I knew as a child, Todd has matured into what he was always meant to be. And fuck, Neil is a lucky guy.
All of my friends are so hot that they are too hot for me. How could I possibly walk up to the equivalent to famous paintings and sculptures? I mean, they're so perfect that I feel as though I need to do a double-take because I can't wrap my head around the fact that they're real. How can anyone be so absolutely gorgeous? Not to mention, four of them standing side-by-side in the same exact place at the same time. And the slim chances that they all became best friends just tops it off and I feel burning jealousy over the thought of it.
I'm not jealous over their friendship or their looks, just that they seem so happy. Joy and true contentment is a feeling I've chased all my life, but never quite gotten close enough to grasp. To know that my full potential with happiness is out of reach, but they're bathing in the feeling... it makes me feel even farther from getting to embrace positivity.
But maybe this is a sign. Maybe they are my opportunity to drown in the throes of joy. Maybe they're meant to be my happiness-- my contentment personified, depicted in the form of actual physical, human beings.
Could be. I've never looked for parts of myself in others because I've always felt that my own emotions are something I have to achieve on my own.
Maybe I've been looking at everything all wrong. Maybe... maybe my morals are outlandish and out of place to the point that I've been depriving myself of real chances to feel something.
I know this-- I literally see an open opportunity to pursue one of my biggest dreams right in front of me, and yet I'm still unable to move my feet. I can't make myself finally meet what I've always wanted.
I can't even tell my friends hello.
This is pissing me off. Why can't I fucking move? I flew out last minute and have spent hours waiting alone to surprise my friends, but I'm too cowardly to actually spend time with them? Absolutely pathetic. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm tired of feeling that way.
I pat a hand around the top of my drink until I grab onto my straw. I pull it into my mouth and gulp down liquid fire as I let my eyes continue wandering over The Faces repeatedly. Yea, I probably look like a creep but I won't be able to walk up to them unless I have something to boost my confidence. As far as I'm concerned, alcohol is the only confidence I have. And if I look away from the group, I could lose them. I don't want to trek through this minefield to find them again.
It takes me a moment to trick myself into thinking that the alcohol will take effect immediately, but my legs finally move. I feel like I'm floating-- and way too fast at that-- as I grow closer and closer to the group, looking to Ash like a lifeline. 
Out of everyone here, I'm closest with her and I'm begging, praying with just my eyes that she looks over and recognizes me and helps me grow accustomed to finally being around again.
More importantly, I hope no one is awkward with me. I think I'll just turn around and catch a plane back home if shit flops.
I get close enough to the point that Ash turns to me with a mix of curiosity and concern dancing in her eyes. I feel self-conscious beneath her gaze, but the look in her eyes slowly turns into something interesting and I find myself shrinking a bit as I stop my pursuit just two feet away from her.
My vans scuff the ground when I stop and I tilt my head up to look into her enthralling green eyes. My heart pounds wildly against my ribcage and my palms grow clammy all the while Ash simply grins down at me. Her irises twinkle, an intrigued look passing through her gaze.
"Hi," her soft, melodic voice purrs. "Nice to meet you."
Oh.
I'm thrown off by the fact that she can't recognize me, but when the mask is taken into account as well as the fact that she hasn't seen a photo of me since I was sixteen, it's understandable.
Not only that, I'm preoccupied on the thought that it seems she may be trying to flirt with me.
"Hi," I greet back, fighting off any possible signs of nervousness. I'll murder my anxiety if I can't play off my fear right now. One thing's for sure though, I don't have to worry about any awkwardness. "We've met before," I add in, giggling a bit.
I shock myself when the sound comes out a bit seductive. I don't mean to flirt back-- but what's the problem with that? Ash is my best friend for one, we flirt all the time, but she's also fucking stunning. I see no problems.
Ash tilts her head, scrunching her eyebrows as she flashes her perfect smile at me. Her eyes trail over my body and I instantly feel myself stiffen, heat washing over my cheeks. Her reaction to me is real-- this isn't us acting friendly because we know each other. This is Ash rizzing up a stranger.
"Really? I think I'd remember you if we've already met," she says with a soft laugh, chewing on her bottom lip as our eyes meet again. "When did you see me?"
I suck in a breath, trying to calm my fluttering heart and hot cheeks. "Instead of telling you," I say randomly without any thought, "How about we play a game? The group of you can try and guess who I am." Smiling, I glance over at Larry who's smirking down at me, his sharp eyebrows and deep gaze forcing that blush back to my cheeks.
Todd watches me, expressionless with his hands in the pockets of his neat pants. He doesn't move an inch. 
And I don't dare look at Sally who's been quiet too.
Ash narrows her eyes, pinching her lips together to contain a smile. She glances to Sally then over to Larry and Todd before focusing on me again. "Okay," she hums. "I love games."
I flinch back when she gravitates a bit closer to me, her gaze flickering over my mask then to my lips. Is this the same Ash who screamed in excitement over everything when I was younger? And scarier, I find my heart racing because her interest in me is exciting.
Two can play at this dangerous game.
I take another leisure sip of my drink, bringing it to my mouth with shaky hands as I turn my gaze to Ash's glossy lips. 
Her top lip is a bit bigger than her bottom lip. She has a soft cupid's bow accentuated by highlighter that was purposefully and meticulously placed there. Her lips look soft, plush. Maybe it's just the glitter or the way the lights reflect off her lipgloss. Either way, I'm sure she'd be fun to kiss.
What the fuck am I doing?
Ash leaves my field of vision almost immediately. I look up, noting that she's sat on the edge of the stage with a smirk on her hypnotizing lips like she knows she has me wrapped around her finger.
"So, Mystery Girl," she says, a seductive lilt to her sing-song voice. "Can you give me a little hint to start?"
I glance over, making eye contact with a concerned Sally Face. One of his elbows is propped on the stage behind him and the other is languidly resting on Ash's thigh. 
He watches me carefully, no doubt sizing me up. I've noticed that he finds threats to his group then carefully assesses them. The fact that I'm saying I know Ash probably raised alarm bells in his head.
I look over to Larry next, watching as he raises his eyebrows and turns his back to me, leaning his elbows on the stage as he watches Ash's side profile. He has a really nice, strong back, by the way. Also, I'd love to braid his hair one day.
Todd stays in his same position, he even rolls his eyes when Ash tilts her head at me, waiting for me to give her an answer.
But what kind of hint could I give her? Almost anything I'd say would make her figure me out immediately. I'm really having to think hard about this because everything that comes to mind is something she knows.
I'll have to be careful about this. I have to give her a hint of a hint. Something she may have a memory about, but doesn't know for sure.
I bring my straw to my lips, sipping until I get closer to the bottom. Straight fucking vodka. Damn that bartender.
"Sorry, I'm thinking of a hint. I don't want to give myself away," I muse, throwing a wink at Ash. She immediately grins. "That would take the fun out of the game, wouldn't it?"
Ash giggles cutely as Larry turns around again, watching me with narrowed eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips. What is that hunk of hotness thinking? I already know what's going through Sal's head-- but is Larry on his level?
"You're right. Take your time," Ash says in her soft, lulling voice.
I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, still thinking as hard as I can. I'm coming up with blanks. I need to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but I'm going to have to stall until I get there.
"Want to hug me and see if it feels familiar?" I ask, narrowing my eyes and opening my arms. My hand tightens around my drink as it slowly slides through my fingers.
Ash's eyes widen slightly and she stands again, her feet tapping the ground once she slides off the stage. She looks off to the side and purses her lips, taking just a step toward me. "Can I kiss you instead and see if that feels familiar?"
My breath catches in my throat and the drink in my hand feels even more slippery as I try to jump over this shock hurdle. I need to get myself together and answer her instead of actually going with this insane proposition she's dropped on me like a weight. 
"We aren't familiar in that way, darling," I giggle lightly, letting my arms fall to my side.
Ash shrugs, a guilty grin pulling at her lips. "And? We can just do it anyway."
A deep, amused cackle makes me look past Ash and to Larry who has a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, couldn't hold back the laughs," he snickers. His sharp eyebrows arch further as he raises them at me. "You're in danger, MG."
"That's comforting," I say, laughing at Larry's failed attempt to hide his reaction to me and Ash's flirting. He's an evil little thing and clearly he chases a tense situation to get some laughs. "Maybe Ash is the one in danger."
My eyes cut over to Ash as she takes another step toward me. "Please let me find out if I'm in danger, I promise you won't regret it." She bends her knees just a bit for a moment, clasping her hands together with a mind-swaying look in her eyes. She's begging without words.
I glance at Sally quickly. He's still quiet, but he looks like he's on guard and intrigued at the same time.
Fuck, how do I get out of this. Todd's even standing up straight, watching us with a disgruntled look and curiosity in his eyes. They're expecting me to give in and I'm not entirely sure if I want to say no in the first place. Which is bad. 
I don't have any feelings other than platonic love for Ash, but I've missed her so much that I genuinely would love to kiss her senseless. It's like reconnecting with the other half of my heart for the first time in years-- which, honestly, that's exactly what this is.
"Do you care who I am, Ash?" I ask, tilting my head questioningly. If we're going to kiss, I want to make sure she isn't going to lose her entire head once she finds out who I am. 
"Yes, I want to know who you are. In regards to a kiss, I don't care who you are. When I find out, I'll probably be happy we kissed." She sends me a sweet little smile then licks her bottom lip.
"Okay. Then my only condition is that we are only friends and you have to remember that. Nothing will come of our kiss." I dip my head down a bit, trying to show that I'm being serious.
"If nothing will come of our kiss, then why are we going to do it?" She asks, starting to take quick steps toward me.
I take one step back, just to slow her down until we can finish this conversation. "We're going to do it because you're beautiful and I've missed you so much that I wouldn't be happy with anything less than a kiss."
Ash huffs out a laugh, growing close enough to take my hands into hers and yank me toward her. She towers over me and I have to tilt my head up to get a good view of her. "You must know me well then," she purrs, her expression filled with curiosity and eagerness. She's reckless. It's fun. "Are you ready?"
"I... think so?" I murmur, quickly licking my lips. Ash's cool hand trails up my arm and then to the base of my neck, pulling me closer to her. 
"If you don't want to, say no," Ash says honestly, leaning down so that we're face-to-face. She looks into my eyes, trying to tell me that it's okay to say no. She won't go through with this if I don't want to.
"I-- I want to, I'm just nervous--"
"Don't be nervous. It'll be quick." Ash's serious expression washes away as she glances at my lips then back to my eyes again, pretty smile enveloping her lips again. 
I nod, my heart thumping wildly against my chest as she leans forward. I grab onto Ash's wrist as her other hand gently brushes over my cheek.
And then her lips are on mine. She's still for a moment and so am I, just squeezing my eyes shut as I try to adjust to the feeling of her lips.
They're softer than I expected them to be, but sticky. And for that reason, I grip onto her wrist tighter because it feels like she's stuck to me and I'm not upset about it.
Ash takes my squeeze as a sign, tilting her head a bit. The movement causes her lips to slide perfectly against mine and butterflies flutter to life in my stomach. 
I kiss her back, enjoying the way Ash's lips mold to mine so deliciously. The feeling is addictive and if it weren't for her sudden intake of breath, I'd probably pull her even closer. But her reaction reminds me that we're in public and that this is just a little test.
Ash pulls away just as quickly as she kissed me. She was right-- it was quick. And I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.
My eyes flutter open and I look up. Ash's hands are still on either side of my face, but she watches me with a tilted head and narrowed eyes-- like she's trying to figure me out. Like... the kiss actually gave her a clue, which would make no sense.
Then, she leans forward and slams her lips on mine for just a second. I shake my head once she pulls away and look up at her with a puzzled expression that I just can't control. What the fuck.
"Is your name Victoria?" Ash turns her head to the side, eyes wide and brows furrowed like even she's confused.
I choke on air over the near accuracy. What the fuck kind of succubus is Ash? How on earth did a kiss give her the first two letters of my nickname? Is this some joke? Does she already know?
"No, my name isn't Victoria," I force out through coughs, wheezing as I blink through my tears.
Ash lets me go, putting a hand on her hip and another on her chin like a real Sherlock Holmes.
I glance over at the boys quickly. Larry has wide eyes and a shit-eating grin on his face. Sally's looking away from us with his hands resting between his legs. He isn't slick. Todd is just shaking his head.
Men.
"Well, who the hell are you?" Ash murmurs to herself. 
An audible, obnoxious sigh pulls my attention away from the viridian-eyed beauty again and I look over to Sally who hops off the stage and turns away from us quickly. "I'll be back," he murmurs with shaky breaths. "I'm going get a drink."
Larry snorts. "You lying bastard," he says, patting Sal's back. "You're just as gozzled as me right now."
Sally groans, walking away from Larry without a word. And Larry turns toward him, raising his arms. "What!?" he yells a bit louder as Sally disappears through the crowd. "I'm not wrong!"
"You kiss just like Victoria did," Ash suddenly says, pointing an accusing finger at me. She's gone from playful to serious in just a matter of minutes.
A laugh falls from my lips and my tense stance slackens a bit. "Oh, thank God." I twirl my drink again and shake my head. "I thought you just manifested that name from a kiss. I was freaked."
"Were you?" Ash narrows her eyes and takes a step toward me again. I find that deja vu feeling tickling the back of my brain. 
I swallow thickly, never answering as I look over to Larry with pleading eyes. He only shakes his head, flicking me off with a devious and beaming smile. No fucking help.
"So, was I close with the name then? Because why else would you be nervous." Ash pries, chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought. "Actually, what are you doing here? Why wouldn't you just tell us who you are? Are you someone that we don't like?"
My mouth gapes open like a fish, opening and closing while I fight for an answer. My mouth feels dry and my hands are clammy again. "N-No. You guys like me. You've never had any issues with me, well, Sally doesn't like me but other than that we've all gotten along very well. Incredibly well, in fact!" I hold my hands out in front of me just as Ash stops walking toward me. "You guys love me, well, I hope. Actually, I don't really know. Maybe you all hate my guts, I wouldn't be able to tell."
Ash looks confused, like she's trying to grasp onto what I just spewed at her. My answer didn't convince her, it just fucking confuzzled her.
"I can't believe it." I turn my head when Todd talks for the first time. He doesn't have that borderline angry look on his face anymore. In fact, his eyes are a bit wide and he isn't frowning. I'd say this is his excited face. "You're Vi."
I don't know what to say as my mouth falls open again. I just stare at Todd and that seems to confirm it for him, so I shut my mouth and swallow through the dryness on my tongue. My throat burns and it feels like my heart's dropped out of my ass. I expected everyone to be stuck for hours, not for fucking Todd to sniff me out in just five minutes.
Larry suddenly scrambles into a standing position, his expression the first one I've seen tonight that isn't smiling. His lips are parted and his eyebrows are bunched together like someone just told him Dolly Parton died.
I pull my eyes away from the two men and look up at Ash, noting her slackened expression. Then, suddenly, she's become the same person I see on videos and talk to over the phone. The same best friend that I joke and bicker with. 
In her soft, surprised, high-pitched voice, Ash asks, "Is that really you, Vi?"
There are tears on her waterline, but then there's hope in her eyes. Hope in the way she takes a stumbled step toward me with her hands clutched to her chest like she doesn't know what to do with them.
And I can't tell her I'm not Vi. She looks so torn up in the best way and it would tear me up too if I wasn't honest with her.
"Yea," I rasp out. "It's me, Ash."
Ash turns into a blur as I'm lifted from my feet with immense screams of joy filling my ears. Ash throws me around like a dog's chew toy and bellows so many indecipherable things that I'm taken aback for a moment, but overall relishing in the joy that seeps from her and into me.
"You told me you weren't fucking coming, Vi, what the fuck!? And it's been like ten years! Where the fuck? How-- What-- Where did you come from? How did you get here!?" Ash shrieks into my ear, a sob or two getting twisted into her words.
I chew on my lips, finally wrapping my arms around Ash's neck as she continues to throw me around like I weigh nothing. Hell, she has some upper body strength.
Tears start to sting my eyes as all of my senses are filled. I can smell Ash's coconut scented shampoo, I can taste her strawberry lipgloss mixed with my tears, I can hear her screams mixed with the music around us, I can feel each strand of soft hair and her heart beating wildly against my chest, and I can see Larry and Todd's excited and shocked expression every time Ash swings me toward them again.
"I know. But it doesn't matter because I made it here," I laugh through trembling lips. I sniff when the sound of my own voice hits my ears. Fuck, just hearing that I'm hardly holding it together makes me want to break.
"You're so fucking right. Oh my gosh," Ash cries, finally dropping me to my feet but never unwrapping her arms from my waist.
She squeezes me tightly, then abruptly pulls away, holding me at arms length with mascara bleeding down her red cheeks. "Holy fuck, Vi. You let me kiss you!?" She looks absolutely bamboozled, like she truly can't wrap her head around the fact that our lips touched.
"Uh," I spit out, still reeling from being twirled around like a bug stuck on a carousel. "Yea. We kissed. I told you my conditions. What, do you regret it now?" I narrow my eyes playfully.
Ash slaps a hand to her chest like she's appalled. "What? Hell no, I could never regret it! I just can't believe we fucking kissed!?"
"I can't believe you guys kissed and haven't fucking included me yet. Your turn is over, Ash!" Arms wrap around my middle and I find myself being throw around like a test dummy yet again. This time, the perpetrator is Larry. "I can't fucking believe you're here!" he bellows.
"This entire night is full of you guys being non-believers!" I yell once my feet touch the ground again. Larry spins me around to face him and I feel like I'm going to cry again just over the big smile of excitement on his face. "You guys better start believing because I'm here in the flesh."
Larry bends over to reach me, wrapping me up in a big, strong hug. And, oh yea, I take the opportunity to drag my hands up his muscular arms as I hug him back.
"Stop feeling me up, Vi. Your kiss with Ash was hot enough," Larry laughs into my hair, giving me a squeeze.
I can't help but laugh and quickly wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop myself. I never imagined you'd be so jacked."
"Ha, yea, I honestly didn't see it in my future either, but here we are," he murmurs before pulling away. He looks down at me, tears fucking brimming his eyes too. "Fuck, dude. I might cry. You're such an awesome chick," he says breathily, pretending to wipe tears from his cheeks.
I pinch my lips together and give him my best unimpressed look. "Come on, we're supposed to be strong. No more crying," I tell him.
"Maybe the tears will go away if I get a kiss too.." Larry rolls his eyes very obnoxiously. His gaze cuts to me then he immediately looks away again, being as playful as always.
I sigh, grabbing onto his cheeks. "Come here, jackass," I say, growing excited as I pull him close to me.
Larry murmurs out a "fuck yea" before I quickly press my lips to his. It's a little kiss, shorter than me and Ash's but I was just as eager to do it since I haven't seen him in so long.
When I pull away, Larry scrunches his face up and splutters, wiping at his mouth. "Dammit, Ash," he says, fake gagging. "Why'd you have to kiss Vi first with that stupid lipgloss? That shit is disgusting."
"Hey!" Ash scoffs, walking toward us. "Don't hate on my very expensive, very amazing lipgloss! And besides, Vi seemed to like it well enough."
I scoot my way out of their argument and tiptoe my way to Todd who greets me with a soft smile. I smile back at him and he opens his arms to me immediately. 
My insides jump around in excitement as I jump into Todd's hug, scrunching the fabric of his blazer in my hands. "It's so nice to see you, Todd," I murmur into his shoulder. He smells like cedar trees. 
"It's nice to see you, too, Vi. Sorry I figured you out so quickly," he laughs softly, giving me a squeeze before separating from our embrace. He puts his hands into his pockets then switches his weight to his other foot. 
"It's no issue," I say, waving him off. "I'm really happy actually. I wouldn't have been able to say it myself."
He scoffs lightly, patting my shoulder. "Clearly. Grow a backbone, huh?"
I can't help but giggle as I pat his elbow in return. Todd watches me with a soft look, like he's genuinely happy to see me and that thought feels me with even more joy. Everyone's happy to see me.
Well... almost everyone.
"Vi, what the fuck are we going to do about Sal?" Ash suddenly hisses worriedly, her hands clamping onto my shoulders as she shoves her face next to mine from behind. "He's going to be so pissed!"
"It's alright," I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut as I remember that I still have some true bullshit to handle. "I'm cool," I settle on then turn my head, looking Ash in her pretty green eyes. "I've got this."
________________
A/N::::::: holy shit HI WE'RE DOING CRAZY STUFF
this was supposed to be two chapters. Yep. Somehow, these 11,347 words got fused into one even though they were meant to be separate. I couldn't leave you guys hanging again though, so here we are &lt;3
thank you so much for the continued support. I love you all so much! have a wonderful day/evening/night. tons of kisses!! <333
P.S. I AM EXHAUSTED I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CHAPTER FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS
35 notes · View notes
skadren · 2 years
Note
Angeal always bothers me and idk how to word it!! Not sure your take on why or what you see with his character in general but I'd love to know bc this has been bothering me forever
so this got. a little more heated than i thought it would. sorry anon lmao
angeal stans this is your warning!! nice things are not said under the cut
so angeal exists in the narrative to be the dead mentor figure so we feel bad for zack and to infodump a little about his and genesis's pasts in the beginning so genesis gets a modicum of development as well. he also does some obligatory passing on of his legacy of soldier honor and morals to zack so zack has a clear model to follow and we as the audience can see his growth from somewhat careless and cocky to a little more serious and driven after angeal's death. on a deeper level, angeal also exists as a counterpoint to genesis's and sephiroth's respective models of heroism, where (simply put) angeal's is staying true to a code of honor to protect the people, genesis's is being recognized by the public for heroic deeds, and sephiroth's is manufactured success and perfection in performance
and like, crisis core shows that each of these models doesn't work. in the case of angeal, his rigid adherence to a code of honor to remain morally pure leads to his downfall. especially with the circumstances of his death-- like, death before dishonor is an incredibly strong concept in japanese culture, but it's pretty clear in cc that what angeal does in forcing zack's hand is somewhat backwards in logic. like, where was this revelation that he was hurting people back in the middle of the war with wutai where he was literally destroying people’s villages and livelihoods vs. now when the war is literally over and he isn’t actively hurting people?? but. whatever. sure, let's assume this was the turning point that finally made him realize what he’s done in the past
but even then he doesn't solve anything, he doesn't try to help anyone despite that being basically his motto, he just gives up because he himself doesn't fit into his strict worldview-- if he isn't the hero he thought he was, then he must be a monster, and he can't be tolerated to exist. angeal quite literally shatters under the weight of his morals
there's also the issue of the story from his childhood, which is supposed to show his character as honorable à la "honor can exist in unconventional ways" but. it fails to establish him as such imo. it's like, you're too proud to accept help so you're gonna steal from people instead? and not even the rich people because one of them is your friend?? like there's a difference between being honorable and being too proud, especially if part of your motto is to protect others. it feels like a weird blend of capitalist work ethic + robin hood-esque imagery while missing the part where robin hood didn't actually steal solely because he was poor, he stole because fuck rich people and so he could help other poor people. you know. by giving them the handouts angeal is apparently too proud to accept
he's just a huge hypocrite, which makes his lectures on honor and pride feel all the more sanctimonious. he tries so hard to keep the moral high ground that the moment he comes up against something that actually tests his self-perception, he just shrugs and goes "guess i'll die". i feel like that was the entire point of how crisis core wrote him, especially given the role the buster sword plays in symbolizing his honor (aka use it or lose it), but the overall fandom tends to treat him as objectively the best of the firsts, like this bitch didn't just nosedive into drama queen territory just as quickly as the other two
anyways. angeal was wrong. the buster sword is a metaphor for his failure to uphold his own philosophies relative to the people who inherited it. fight me
like fandom angeal is as bland as white bread but somehow manages to singlehandedly piss me off more than any other character in the compilation. i think @ladylokiofmidgard put it best when she said he has the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair. i could go on more but this post is already too long as it is
157 notes · View notes
nebulouscoffee · 11 months
Note
🛒✨💖❌🤗
All great questions, thank you!
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
I've noticed a lot of my fics play around with time/perception/reality, whether it's interconnecting flashbacks with the present or having nonlinear and/or unreal shenanigans going on. I think this is because I mostly write ds9 fic, and one of the main fascinations I have with that show is how almost every main character has a somewhat distorted or extraordinary perception of reality!
✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
Aww thank you <3 uhhhh well more than one person has commented that I'm good at capturing character voices and sometimes I read my writing and think "hey they're right actually" :)
💖 What made you start writing?
The childhood urge to Make People Up and then Put Them In Situations! Fanfic specifically, it went like: pandemic -> ds9 rewatch -> unexpected obsession with the doctor lizard ship I somehow never cared about before -> getting into fanfic for the first time (I'd only occasionally read gen fics before, or b/7 lol) -> wanting to process complicated feelings I was sitting with & feeling inspired by some incredibly good fics I'd read -> voila we got 'Home'
❌ What's a trope you will never write?
Haha I've learnt to never say never, I mean if you'd asked my early 2021 self if I'd ever attempt writing romance or ship fic you'd've gotten a resounding "lmao no???" and we all know how that went
... I guess, demonising and/or killing off a character just to get OTP together? (Not a "trope" but definitely a trope y'know😂)
🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?
KILL 👏 THE 👏 CRINGE!! 👏 (or embrace it, whatever works :D)
Never forget you're doing this for fun! And for FREE! You don't owe anybody anything! Not so much writing advice as outlook-towards-your-writing advice, but (as long as your fics aren't like. racist or otherwise harmful lol) be proud of yourself and all your babies!
As time passes, you will inevitably come to look at your first works differently. This is where you must be vigilant against the cringe😂
Instead of "my older work is bad", think "I hadn't written much fanfic yet so I wasn't as good as I am now, and it's so cool that there's actually visible improvement"
Instead of "this fic is sooo out of character I hate it now", think "I wrote this back when I read the characters differently"
Instead of "I can't post this thing until it's perfect", think "I've gotten so used to improvement my standards are just unattainably high now, but the people reading liked what I wrote back then because something about it was good, and they'll probably like this too"
Instead of "I hate that my cringey old fics are still being read by people", think "This thing I created out of love and shared to connect with fellow fans brought them joy, and is still bringing people joy even after I've moved on, which is really cool of me actually"
Always remember your target audience is fellow obsessives with brainrot, NOT snarky people on the internet who don't care about the stories you're telling (esp if they don't even write fic! They'd never understand how hard it is to put your work out there.) Like 90% of the time when something's called "cringe", it's really just... sincere? Well, fanfic is literally a medium where people care about a show so much they voluntarily write tens of thousands of words for zero profit. It doesn't have to be good; there's published literature for that. People come to fanfic for the passion!
Don't write your blorbo with the main goal being distancing yourself from the basic girlies who like them wrong. Don't water down your favourite dynamics to cater to the people who "don't get" your ship. Fully unhinged fan content made out of love and Too Many Emotions will ALWAYS be better than painfully self-conscious works that are too afraid to be sincere imo (I don't read much smut but I'm sure this applies here too- just commit to it fully and people will find it hot! Nothing kills the vibe like being able to tell the fic writer was embarrassed they were writing this lol.)
Doesn't matter if you're writing for a rare pair that most people just go ??? at, or a popular character/pairing that's slowly starting to get hate because it's everywhere- don't be afraid to be sincere. Be fully and unapologetically insane about your obsessions and never ever get baited into being cynical about your work. Be true to yourself and have fun with your weirdo friends, and your fics will reflect that <3
2 notes · View notes
phantom-miria · 1 year
Note
Girl, being a chrobin shipper is so exausting because you're either dealing with super misogynistic people who hates f!robin for being "in the way" of gay chrobin or with huge homophobes who loves to bring up lucina to invalidate m!chrobin and really think that male friendships are under attack? (and a lot of weird people who just feels disgusted if you dare to imply that their virtual husband might be bi and like dudes too?) Like, when will we be free? 😭
Oof yeah I feel this one hard. I don't see a lot of people talking about F!Robin being "in the way" necessarily, but people can get really mean and aggro about their glee when she doesn't get crossover stuff instead of him (as if that's some kind of new or revolutionary treatment of player characters split by gender, lol? when has the male avatar ever been favored??? as if he doesn't already get the lion's share of crossover content when they decide to give things to only one of them?) and making big gloating claims about how she's been decanonized/passed over for Chrobin content, and stuff like that? But also if we commission art of the content for ourselves that's bad too? Okay. IDK. I empathize a lot with people who are excited to get content / ship tease for the m/m version of the ship that wasn't possible in the base game. It's not lost on me why that's exciting. I just wish people weren't so god damn rude about F!Robin in the process just for...existing? Lol. Any time M!Robin gets something it somehow circles back around into being time to dunk on F!Robin and how inferior they think she is. Even with the legendary there was someone going on about how awesome it was she could never get a title like that (which was hers first lmao) and a lot of rubbing in how he's "supplanting" her in Chrobin content, THANK GOD etc, the Valentine's unit had people mad she was there at all and trashing her for being "ugly" and just existing in proximity on the banner, so on and so forth. And there's a lot of "only straight people would ship this" which is really frustrating as a woman who isn't straight. I just fucking like female player characters. Assuming that someone's ship(s) translates directly to their real life sexuality is garbage for everyone.
And then yeah on the other end people act like M!Chrobin broke into their house and stole all of their guy-guy friendships out of their hands and then peed on their dog or something. The sanctity of dude friendships will survive gay shipping, actually. It's fine. And the Lucina bit is so fucking old. There's plenty of ways in real life for two men to have a kid, let alone in a magic universe. Like do you have any imagination at all lmfao. Surrogacy? Lucina coming from a different timeline, which Awakening explicitly has? That gender change potion that gets brought up in a Sully support? There's tons of options for how to think out how it could work if you stop for a few seconds. The only limitation is being a joy killer who wants to remind people they couldn't play this option in the original game without hacks.
Anyway I don't think we'll ever be free. I'm trying to read the tags less and block more liberally so that I can have a more peaceful time but I'm unfortunately prone to searching things I know will frustrate me just to have a bad time for...I don't know why I do that but I'd like to stop. But I don't think we can really change fandom, we can only change how we interact with it and what we look at.
I did make the below image the other day (and then neglected to post it because I'm trying to be more positive, lol) thinking about how M!Robin fans have made me incredibly tired of M!Robin, but I hate how people are shit about M!Chrobin and dump all over the fans just having a good time with it, and I end up feeling alienated from a lot of different corners from people I supposedly share a ship with, so I feel you, anon. It's especially sad to me that this springs out of something that is supposed to be fun. It's good to remind myself that fandom is low stakes nonsense when shit gets heated, but it doesn't make me feel less sad about it in the moment.
Anyway, truly the mood for the F!Chrobin-only shipper who ended up that way because I have a preference for female player characters and can't fucking stand how M!Robin fans talk about F!Robin who nonetheless dislikes how people barge in on M!Chrobin fans having fun to be awful to them:
Tumblr media
p.s. bisexual Chrom forever they can take that from my cold dead claws. And also he has chemistry with Gaius too so like it's not even just a Robinsexual thing, he's just bi. End of story for me.
2 notes · View notes
kirinda-ondo · 1 year
Note
I wanna ask the Fruit Loops! 🗣️🤡🐒💝🎲
O shit all of them?? Hella
Bragi
Aneas
Tomor
🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking?
"A simple task, really! And fun! As if I could pass up the opportunity to have an audience!"
PLEASE let Bragi speak publicly, that means he has an AUDIENCE that is PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM. He would THRIVE.
"U-Um... no. N-No thank you."
Aneas would simply pass away if asked to do any public speaking. Like you might be able to begrudgingly convince him if he can hide in the safety of his sleeves while he does it but even then he would probably be struggling
"Sure! Ain't no big thing! Just... not right now--"
Tomor is usually pretty unbothered so you'd think he'd be fine with a large audience, but a stage comedian he is not. He can kind of make a convincing sounding delivery, but his legs are totally shaking the whole time.
🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about?
"A-As if I'd tell you!"
Bragi once got stuck in a playground tunnel and freaked out so bad he passed out and his friend Maraschi had to call emergency services to remove him and even though he swore her to secrecy she keeps TELLING PEOPLE and they keep LAUGHING AT HIM--
"Mmm... W-Where do I even begin..."
Aneas is honestly embarrassed about his entire existence tbh. Especially his height. He knows everybody loves him being baby-sized but he doesn't WANT to be baby-sized, he wants to be taken SERIOUSLY and reach IMPORTANT SHELVES or HIS WIFE'S FACE without using a step-stool!
"I ain't embarrassed about nothin'! Not when I can just look back and laugh!"
Tomor is not easily embarrassed, but if you were to even remotely imply he was into a certain horrible fish girl he would probably deny it just a little too hard and then have to go and re-evaluate some things and spiral a bit because he doesn't even realize it yet--
🐒 - What’s their favorite animal?
"No."
If you put Bragi within 15 feet of any animal he WILL scream and probably die. That being said, he does begrudgingly accept that the starfish is objectively the best animal because by Bragi logic, you get stars when you're good, so to be already born star-shaped means they must be perfect.
"Umm... B-Birds are nice!"
Aneas doesn't want any animals of his own because A) he's afraid he would accidentally kill them, and B) He's worried they would harm his plants. He wouldn't mind some bird-themed knick-knacks tho.
"Spiders are pretty fun, I guess. The reactions to 'em are always pretty funny, anyway--"
Tomor does genuinely think they're neat tho. He doesn't own one, but he knows a lot of spider facts
💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?
"Getting on my good side isn't all that hard to do, so long as you're nice to me and give me presents~"
Bragi is incredibly attention hungry, so he will gladly accept any and every kind gesture you are willing to give. That said, if you wanna like actually really move him, do or give him something that he's not expecting. He will cry and cherish it forever.
"Y-You don't have to do anything for me... J-Just be nice to Coulie, th-that's all I want."
Aneas doesn't really expect anyone to do anything nice for him ever, so anytime someone does, it's honestly really appreciated, even if it's some grand thing that makes him feel really awkward and uncomfortable. Really all you have to do is be nice, respect his wife, and appreciate his plants.
"I don't need favors, and I don't like havin' a lot of stuff. And I especially don't like feelin' like I owe nobody nothin'. People say they don't tally that kinda thing, but they all secretly do."
The best thing to give Tomor is just your time and hang out, and most importantly, be at least a little fun lmao
🎲 - Pick a random question to answer from this list
O shit uhhh we'll go with:
🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand?
"I don't understand the fuss about romance! It's stupid and confusing and it takes up too much time that could be better spent on more important things!"
Sometimes Bragi does kind of wonder if he's missing out on something, but then he thinks about it a little more and is like "nah"
"I-I don't understand technology... Th-There's either too many buttons, o-or no buttons at all, a-and I don't get it at all..."
Inside of Aneas is a little old lady and she doesn't know what a Google is, let alone how to use it! Or the toaster for that matter! Thankfully, he doesn't need Google because his wife Coulie knows everything (sincere) (affectionate)
"What's the big deal about mortals? It's always, 'save 'em all!' or 'kill em all!' What's it matter? Sure, they're fun sometimes, but they're just gonna die in a couple decades, so like, who cares?"
Tomor just sees mortals as short-lived novelties, little more than pets or entertainment. This will absolutely not cause any friction in his life whatsoever--
4 notes · View notes
kijobaby · 2 years
Note
🎫 Here’s a gush pass, feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other selfshippers.
I finally have enough mental energy to answer this lmao
YOU KNOW GAROU HAS THE BRAIN CELL RN
Tumblr media
I mean just look at him. He's so cute, so handsome, so dorky and incredible. I've been sitting here trying to put together all my favorite things about him but tbh I think one thing I'd really like to focus on is his willpower and determination.
Garou and I share a lot of similarities, especially in our childhoods. We both were bullied pretty badly growing up and we both were turned into the "villain" with our peers, so we just stepped into that role with the mindset of, " fine, you want me to be the bad guy? I'm going to be the bad guy."
And God did he do that well. Garou become an absolute beast. He doesn't shy away from challenges, he embraces them. He is thrilled when he realizes he has room to grow. He has a " bring it on " attitude that I'm just obsessed with. He decided to become meaner and badder than his fears and he ate that shit up.
Tumblr media
He could've easily have rolled over and accepted a life of misery, but Garou refused to see himself as a victim and rose above. He decided to get stronger, so he did. He was put in numerous situations that easily could have killed him, but Garou went " Nah I don't feel like dying " and he survived. His fucking ability to just power through whatever is thrown his way is just.... 😩💓💕💖💘💘💘
Garou is so so special to me. I admire him and look up to him a lot. I want to have the same tenacity he has and never let life fucking beat me down.
Tumblr media
Also look at him he is an insane little goblin I wanna kiss him so bad it makes me look stupid
4 notes · View notes
ohnomybreadsticks · 4 months
Text
Ao3 WIP Tag Game!
I was tagged by @itshype - thank you for including me in your tag list <3
1. How many works do you have on AO3? 160! Which is an absolutely wild number to think about, tbqh
2. What's your AO3 word count? 917,682, although some of those aren't mine due to some of my longest works being shared RPs I posted
3. What fandoms do you write for? I have works mostly posted for Detroit: Become Human and the Witcher Netflix, but I've written a few for others, like Transistor and LotR. And now I have 2 that are original works!
4. What are your Top 5 Fics by Kudos?
Starting with most kudos:
1) More Than Enough (Witcher, E)
2) Alike in Both the Heart and Mind (DBH, E)
3) What's It Going to Take for You to Feel Good? (DBH, E)
4) Too Tired to Ask, but Not to Receive (Witcher)
5) In Which Gavin Learns to Love an Elder God (DBH)
shocker lmao, almost all of these prominently feature smutty sections!
5. Do you respond to comments? Always! If a reader has made a comment, I'll make sure to reply, even if it's just to say 'thank you' :) It just might take me a while to get to it sometimes
6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? There Are No Atheists in Foxholes (DBH, E)! Can't get much more angsty than MCD lmao (altho does it count if he comes back in like 300 years?)
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I am a fluffy gal usually lmao, almost all of my fics have happy sappy endings!
8. Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully no, I've never gotten any hate on my fics. Very grateful for that, but I'm very much not afraid of the block button.
9. Do you write smut? LOL I've written my fair share. I've got 41 E rated fics on AO3, and 17 M rated fics, so that's a decent amount of the spice. Lately though I haven't been feeling that vibe as much, so much so that the last bit of smut I wrote was quite difficult!
10. Do you write cross-overs? Mmmmmm not sure if I've written a traditional crossover, where characters from both franchises interacted... But I popped some Witcher characters into a LotR setting, and some DBH characters into a Witcher setting at some point!
11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope, but I've had podfic made of my fic, which was incredibly flattering <3
12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Yep, several times.
13. What is a WIP you would like to finish but doubt you ever will? Mmmm...I don't tend to abandon WIPs, even if it takes me a long time to return. The few chaptered fics that are 'unfinished' on AO3 are the only ones I'll never return to
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? I could never pick while I was in the trenches lmao, and now that I've been kind of out of my fandoms for a while I don't have an opinion either XD
15. What are you writing strengths? Folks always tell me my descriptions are engaging, which makes me happy because that's something I work very hard on. I hope my characters and their relationships are a strength as well
16. What are your writing weaknesses? Probably niche-ness lmao. I love to create a hyper-specific scenario that only I enjoy, so it doesn't reach any kind of audience. I also know I'm very bad at writing action sequences, which is why I never write them lmao
17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I'm not a fan, tbh. Unless it's a language you're really familiar with, the chances of getting it wrong are too high. And the clunkiness of putting it in the fic makes it...oof.
18. First fandom you wrote for? For my own sanity I'll pass on this one lmao. My first AO3 fic was most certainly DBH
19. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Also hard to choose...Privately I'm very fond of Let Me In (i'll be good to you, i swear) - any of my prairie-based fics hold a special place in my heart
20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day? Hard question - right now I'd have to say none! I'm very much a 'when it's done it's done' girlie
Tagging: @catoeirienind @sinclairsolutions but no pressure <3
1 note · View note
caught-the-lovebug · 1 year
Note
OK HI IM THE PERSON WHO WANTED TO LEAVE A LETTER IN THAT BOYS LOCKER BUT WANTED TO DO IT ANONYMOUSLY I HAVE A MAJOR UPDATE.
ok so throughout the next few weeks of that post i chickened out multiple times thinking that i shouldnt do it and on the day of valentines my Spanish teacher gave us flowers and I thought, hey why not I have a flower now this is the perfect opportunity but I still wasn't sure and was like extremely nervous so I messaged my friends, and they practically (affectionately) peer pressured me into doing it. I made the note in the shape of a heart and found out how to fold it to make it look like an envelope and I wrote a short note basically just saying, what u like about him and I think he's special and really cute and I left the flower and the note in his locker while he was having a private lesson (were in band). I almost went back to get it, but I decided not to and afterwords I felt pretty good. A few days of passed and Friday (2/17) we were walking to our local Walgreens idk how we got to this conversation but he was like "there's some things I want to figure out before I die" and I asked what he wanted to figure out, and at first, he was really vague about it, but then he got more specific very slowly and he like mentioned he found something in his locker, and I just immediately knew he was talking about the note. Long story short, he cried happy tears after reading it, he has a picture of it on his phone and he wants to figure out who it. He said the handwriting look familiar, which is my bad because since I kept chickening out, I kind of rushed to the note at the last minute and hand wrote it instead of printing it like u said (which is why I was surprised he said he cried, because honestly after putting it in his locker I thought it was pretty cringy or cliché and kinda rushed). He also said that he has a feeling that me and my friend (we'll call them S) had something to do with it. I think this is because a few weeks before after I had told S about my crush on him S wenr to go ask him about any crushes he had. AnyWho, we moved on from the conversation after that but i did text about it later though, he thinks it was a girl (which is true) and maybe I'm looking too into it but I have a feeling he might know it's me cuz when I asked what he would do if you ever met the person who sent him the letter, he said "I guess if I know the person I could just say that I like them back" and maybe I'm looking too much into it, but that felt like a hint. All my friends think it is and think I should tell him but I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon. Honestly I'm just happy that it made him happy says he's kind of depressed and just the fact that something I made, made him so happy that he cried just makes my heart swell.🥹🥹🥹🥹
Thanks for your advice! (Even though, if at the end, I technically didn't take it fully lmao 💀)
Ahhh!! That's an amazing outcome!
You made someone you care about really happy and that's So Special and Good. I'm so glad it turned out that way.
Don't worry about not following my advice exactly, I only give it to help give people like you options or think about how They want to do things. It also sounds like you put a lot of care and thought into it even if you think it's a bit rushed.
Honestly, my instincts are to tell him! He's likely either figured it out or has a strong idea but doesn't want to be wrong.
Especially the "I'd tell them I like them back"... That feels odd to say if you don't think you know who. To me anyways.
But! If that's not what you want to do, then you don't have to push yourself. You did something incredibly nice and made him happy and you can crush away knowing that. It's entirely up to you. And as long as any decision you make feels good, that's great. And if you decide not to, you can always change your mind later.
Good luck! And I'm So Happy it went well!!!
0 notes
sunflower-butch · 1 year
Note
Hi Пчёлка!
It's literally fine, I have an ask in my inbox from November that I haven't touched since last year (so weird it's 2023 now. I hope you have an amazing new year that is uneventful and you're loved ones stay in good health <- coined phrase over the last couple day lol)
AS FOR THE LITTLE BIT OF SNOW I TALKED ABOUT it kept on coming then there was like a foot and a half, which wouldn't be too bad except it stayed like -23 for like a week and a half (arctic outflows my beloathed) and never melted the entire time.
tbh the weather's not bad anymore, it's still pretty cold but all the snow is gone and it was sunny today!!! I made pancakes an moved my plants to the big window so they could get sun to celebrate.
Tumblr media
once again risking it all for some whipped cream.
tuque is such a fun word to say! it also has a bunch of different spellings.
The new job is going pretty good! I've discovered that kid's under the age of 7 think my fake and very bad for that matter Russian accent is hysterical, which I think is hysterical.
December was actually pretty good! An stubbornly optimistic is definitely the vibe for this year. I don't really have any new years resolutions except for maybe treating myself as kindly as I hope this year teats me. How about you?
Alas, Priory is still sitting rejected on my bookshelf. I got a really cool copy of The Hobbit at my favourite book store so now i'm doing a re-read 😂 While I was there I met the new bookstore cat and not to be dramatic but I'd die and kill for her.
I hope you're staying warm! I am so glad that weather passed and I hope it leaves you alone soon!
Gender fuckery my beloved <3
Literally so glad we don't live in a world where J*ke G*llenhall is Frodo. I do love Nicolas Cage but Viggo Mortensen is literally the perfect Aragorn.
alhdgskhf my family makes the best garlic powder and it goes on everything.
SPEAKING of Ronanceifying a song, I am about to send you the most rambly au idea.
I would literally kill for Paramore tickets. The News has been stuck in my head since it came out. It's totally storm cloud grey and reminds be of.. storms. Devil Is A Woman is totally dark magenta and you know that feeling when you're walking around and feel kinda like a villain in a movie, but in a good way? yeah that. (having thoughts of starting a side blog where people can send in music and I can do the colour/vibes thing. thought?)
oh it was 3 am for you too?
Quite possibly the last time I sign off like this, not because i'm going anywhere but because I think i'll ✨reveal my identity✨ tomorrow
-el
Hello hello! <33
I have some asks as old as September in reference to an ask game I’m not sure I could find again if I tried LMAO. The same to you! I hope the year treats you and your family with kindness and is chill!
WOW, that’s a lot! I hope it was at least fun to play in or something! Glad it all melted and it’s sunny now! Those pancakes look INCREDIBLE, and I bet that’s some damn good maple syrup ;)
Fake and very bad Russian accents are indeed hysterical! I love kids, honestly, they’re so fun. I worked a summer “camp” for a two week period and my best friend was a 5 year old who drew me a picture because I hung out with her when she was sad. What sort of job are you working, if you don’t mind me asking? :O are you teaching?
That’s a pretty damn good one! We all deserve to be treated with kindness, especially by ourselves!! Besides that, I just want to keep working on my silly novel(s), see my friends more, that kind of thing!!
Poor Priory, rejected by the both of us LMAO. Yay for The Hobbit! That was one of my favorite books for years, honestly you may be inspiring a reread for me now lol. Bookstores are my favorite ever, but they’re even better with animals! My irl bestie took me to one locally that I didn’t know existed and they had a dog and he was so cute.
Definitely staying warm! It’s actually warm enough yo be mildly concerned about it (insert TikTok audio “the weather outside is warm, the planet is dying). I wouldn’t mind it being slightly colder because I am gay and I must wear LAYERS. I hope you’re staying warm as well!
J*ke G*llenhall Frodo is literally the darkest timeline. Gotta say, Nick Cage as Aragorn does sound interesting tho. But for some reason this man is solidified in my brain as National Treasure Man. I’ve seen National Treasure once???
I saw you sent it! Gonna check that out right after this 🫡
I was about ready to kill for tickets! They randomly added a second OK location after the first one sold out, so I LUCKED OUT. They’re definitely nose bleed seats, but IDC, I GET TO SEE PARAMORE AND IM GOING INSANE. I’m normal about them. Truly. I think the side blog idea is AMAZING, that would be so cool! I have a silly music side blog too, but mine is much less interesting than that lmao. If you do it, let me know because I will absolutely follow it 👀
When I responded to that other one, yeah! Time zones are funky
AYO? I’m excited! I think I have a theory, but I will wait to see if I’m right hehe
Eagerly awaiting your next not anon message,
- Max/Lo <33
1 note · View note
mermaidsirennikita · 2 years
Note
thoughts on the babylon trailer? i thought it looked kind of bad tbh. and i don't think damian chazzelle has made a bad movie yet, so i was excited for it.
i think they were going for fun romp, but it just looked messy and incoherent to me. the orange filter is weird and the dialogue is quite anachronistic. margot is beginning to play the same character in every movie and doesn't have very good comedic instincts. its pretty obvious the role was originally emma stone's. i'm still confused why she's so many people's oscar frontrunner, besides her being a pretty ingenue in the paltrow/witherspoon/jlaw tradition.
I am not excited for this movie, but not for the reasons you're not excited fo this movie, lol.
I expect nothing of Damien Chazelle, because I've yet to watch a movie of his that hasn't been super self-indulgent in a not-fun way, getting praise because it glorifies the nobility of artistic suffering in a manner that makes movie people feel good about themselves. This looks like... something similar, if maybe more interesting than La La Land, marginally? But then there's Brad Pitt doing A Bit, which I am so over. Anyway, I really dislike Damien Chazelle's work.
I don't care about anachronistic dialogue. That's actually one of the things that would make the movie more interesting for me.
Totally disagree on Margot Robbie. I think she's quite funny, a much better actress than Emma Stone. I'm a little over variations of the same broad American accent in all of her movies (I wish that she could do something with her natural accent or something more British-adjacent) but she's very good. I would've put her over Frances McDormand for Best Actress the year I, Tonya came out (in part because I think Frances McDormand, while great... is deserving of one Oscar and one Oscar alone). She's done shit with a lot more range than Gwyneth or Jennifer have, and frankly, I wouldn't put Reese with either of those two at all. Just because they're blonde doesn't mean they're ingenues, lmao. Margot hasn't been one for a while.
But yeah, I'm not into this entire concept as a movie with Chazelle at the helm because I think he's kind of incredibly overrated and absolutely one of the directors I'd like dealing with race in Old Hollywood LEAST (which this movie..... will invariably) so. Pass.
0 notes
tardis--dreams · 3 years
Text
Not me stalking my favorite lecturer on Twitter and getting upset about her tweeting being done grading all term papers back IN DECEMBER while I'm still waiting for the results of my paper I handed in OVER 7 MONTHS AGO!
Like, just tell me I failed and we can move on. But this uncertainty has given me anxiety for over half a year now and is slowly driving me insane!
1 note · View note
Text
Never - Geralt of Rivera x Reader
hi! another hurt/comfort fic because my brain is rotting. I completely made up the creatures in this one lmao forgive me. all I know is I vaguely remember reading/seeing something about creatures with deadly venom on their claws so I just took that and ran with it.
ALSO I'd like to ask a quick favour!! if you could let me know if you are more inclined to click "read more" on fics with or without gifs I'd really appreciate it :) personally, I click on ones with gifs more but I prefer not using them on my own fics. but that's just me!
Hurt/Comfort, no usage of y/n (I try not to use it in any of my fics), i don't thing I even used pronouns I this one reader is gender neutral because that's what I imagined when writing it :)
Word count: 3k
Summary: Reader and Geralt get into an argument. Reader gets hurt and tries to hide it but eventually passes out, Geralt has to care for them.
Warnings: Injury, blood, canon violence
Tumblr media
"Geralt I swear, I'm fine," I insisted, pushing down the pain in my ribs so as to not show him how bad it really was. I was fairly certain I had cracked one during my nasty fall down the hillside.
To be fair, it wasn't entirely my fault. I had been caught off guard by some weird creature that, to be honest, looked like an enormous, armored lizard darting through the trees. It hadn't been after us, as seconds before a smaller, but equally as frightening, lizard had skittered past us and through the undergrowth.
I had lost my footing and slipped, falling down the incredibly steep hill, no, mountainside, and had miraculously caught onto a sapling. I had hauled myself up onto a ledge, where Geralt had angrily given me his hand and tugged me the rest of the way up. He had held me tight to his chest for a moment, before shoving me away. And here we were now.
"You almost died!  Take a good look over that cliffside. You caught onto the last fucking handhold before you would have went tumbling over to your demise."
"But I didn't-"
"It's always that, but one of these times you will and I'll be stuck with your dead body." He growled. "And I'm not fucking burying you."
"Wow thanks, Witcher." I snorted.
He was silent, stalking down the path like a mountain lion.
As we continued on, I could feel the tension growing in the air between us before he finally halted, obviously feeling it too.
"You're clumsy. Useless." He spun around on his heel, his yellow eyes piercing into mine.
"Excuse me? You're the one that brought me along with you, you offered to train m-"
"Only because you attached yourself to my sleeve like a parasite! You're worthless. No amount of training will get you anywhere." His voice was low, dangerous. "Fuck." He muttered. He sharply turned, taking in the area. "We set up camp here." His voice was emotionless. How quickly he could change.
Usually, we slept under the same makeshift tent. Tonight, I tossed down my things along with my bedroll down by the base of a thick tree, facing the opposite way of him. I could feel his gaze glaring at by back. I ignored it.
I knew what we were in the area for. There had been reported sightings of these "giant, insect-like creatures" with "venom on their claws that could easily kill a man with two swipes". I figured the large lizard-like creatures we had encountered earlier only solidified the claims.
I grunted slightly as I laid down, sending a sharp pang through my ribs.
I lay there for awhile, my breath slowly turning into short pants as it became harder to take in deep breaths without causing myself any sort of pain. I groaned, unsteadily rolling to my feet. I glanced over at Geralt, who seemed to be sleeping soundly.
I knew it wouldn't take much noise to wake him up so, as quietly as I could, I snuck out of out makeshift camp, sword hastily tucked onto my belt as a precaution.
As I drew further from camp, I allowed myself to limp a little, not so concerned about being quiet anymore.
Soon, I had become short of breath. I leaned my back against a tree, slowly sliding down it as I tried to get oxygen back into my muscles.
As I regained by breath, I contemplated.
I still couldn't believe what Geralt had said earlier. All those times he had praised me, told me how quick and well I learned, how efficient I was and how he trusted me at his back, were all those times lies?
They had to be. I had known him for a little over a year now, and I knew he was not someone that said things purely out of anger. No, each word was calculated, thought through before it even left his mouth.
All this time, I had been a burden to him.
But then, I didn't know him to lie just to make someone feel better. He was blunt.
I was teetering on the edge of making the decision to leave. I could pack up at daybreak and be well on my way by the time the sun was at its peak in the sky. I would no longer be a parasite to him, I decided. I didn't want him to think of me that way and, if he really was keeping me around out of pity, I didn't need it. Didn't want it.
My brain was fogged, tired. I didn't have the energy to think about this anymore.
The exhaustion that I couldn't find to overtake me back in camp suddenly hit me, and my limbs felt too heavy to move. I took a deep breath, wincing, before staggering to my feet.
"Fuck." I hissed. I hunched over and clutched my side. I hadn't even thought to wrap my ribs until now. Too late.
I stumbled forward, in the direction I was 98 percent sure was camp. My ribs felt like they were shifting about much more than before.
I had barely limped another hundred feet when my steps faltered. I heard a hissing in the bushes. I started panicking, my chest tightening causing my breaths to come in short, sharp pants.
Ordinarily, I probably could've take this creature on my own. Given, I wasn't exactly sure how to kill it, but I could've at least injured it enough to get away.
Right now, I was in no shape to fight it but I had no choice. I shakily pulled my sword out of its hilt, raising it with a single hand, my other still clutching my ribs.
I gave the sword a couple of experimental swings. I was incredibly off-balance. It was way too heavy for a single hand.
I slowly removed my hand from around my ribs, gritting my teeth. I got into the proper stance just as the bug leapt at me.
I barely dodged it, crying out in pain as I threw myself to the side. The creature recovered far quicker than I did, taking another running jump at me.
This time, I was ready. I dodged it in time, holding my sword out to where I had been moments before, effectively slicing one of its many legs off.
It screamed out a horrible screech, landing with a thud, but that didn't stop it. It immediately scrambled up onto its remaining legs and readied itself to pounce once again.
Studying it, I noticed a soft, fleshy looking spot on its side; a hole in its armor. Glancing quickly at its legs, it had 5 left. 5 incredibly dangerous legs with venom-tipped claws. If I could manage to slice them all off without getting struck, I could sink my sword into the weak spot on its back.
With a plan now in mind, I lunged at the creature, somehow catching it off guard and slashing another of its legs off.
The oversized insect became more aggressive. As I dodged one of its swiping claws, I tried to duck underneath to hack into it when I heard the sickening sound of tearing flesh. I felt the white hot pain less than a moment later, searing, burning its way through my side. I gasped, dropping my sword to the ground and curling up in a ball despite my ribs protesting.
My hands shot up to the gash, instinctively pressing down on it to slow the bleeding. I cried out.
The creature, sensing my weakness, slowly approached, assessing my state. I shakily, weakly, reached for the dagger on my hip. As it grew closer, I readied my dagger. As soon as it was over me and about to strike, I let out a fierce cry and drove the dagger into its side, past the armor and straight into its flesh.
With one last, inhuman shriek, the gigantic insect collapsed on the ground next to me, it's remaining legs twitching slightly.
Gasping, I forced myself up, feeling the pain burning through my side. I slapped my hand over my mouth, muffling a choked sob.
Slowly, I made my way back to camp. As quietly as I could, I dug through my bag, pulling out bandages and a couple of clean rags. I stuffed one in my mouth and dampened the other with liquor, pressing it onto my side firmly, tears welling up in my eyes. I was breathing hard through my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut.
I wadded up another clean rag from my bag, holding it against the wound as I firmly wrapped the bandages around my middle, extending it up to my ribs and snugly wrapping them as well.
Afterwards I allowed myself to slump down onto my bedroll, falling into a restless sleep.
When I awoke, the pain was immediate. A dull burning in the surrounding area around the gash. It was nothing I couldn't handle.
The sun had yet to come up over the horizon, though the dim light from it's rays were just barely lighting the ground. I fell back onto the blankets, wrapping them tighter around me as I shivered. I had a fever, and not from sickness or an infected wound. The gods only know what the venom of that thing would do to me.
After some uncomfortable and restless shifting, I once again drifted off into a fevered rest.
I was met with the nudge of a boot. "Time to go." The witcher grunted. I could hear rustling as he packed up the makeshift camp.
I groaned, tightening my arm around my side and squeezing my eyes shut. My head was pounding horribly and my entire body ached. The dull burning around the claw marks had, surprisingly enough, subsided quite a bit. But according to the stories, this was just the calm before the storm. Either way, I'd take it.
I staggered to my feet, clutching onto the tree for dear life when a sharp jolt of pain ran through my entire body. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips.
I could feel Geralt's gaze on me, I knew he wanted to say something, but he stayed silent. I glared up at him as  he turned away to finish packing.
I tied my bedroll and tossed it along with our other supplies onto Roach, biting back a groan as I did so. He said nothing to me. I was getting sick of his silent treatment.
We continued down the not-so-beaten path, tension still hanging heavy in the air.
"What the fuck is your problem?" I interrupted the tense silence. "Are you still mad about yesterday?" Nothing.
"Get over it. When we get to the next town, I'm done. I'm leaving." That got his attention.
He slowly turned his golden gaze towards me, glancing over his shoulder. I refused to back down, I glared right back at him.
"You're what?" Underneath the anger, I could hear the masked surprise.
"I'm fucking leaving Geralt. You said it yourself, I'm a burden to you. I don't want you to keep me with you just because you feel sorry for me, I don't need your pity." I spat, disguising my pain with the betrayal and anger I had been feeling since he had spoken those words to me.
"I'm not-" I was cut off with a strangled gasp as a pang of literal fire burned and sliced through me. I clutched my middle, falling to my knees. I curled into myself, whimpering.
I heard his footsteps approach rapidly, then saw his boots. My head shot up and I scrambled back away from him. "Get the fuck away from me." I hissed through clenched teeth.
I forced myself onto my feet, hunching over and now clutching both arms to my side where the gash was. It had opened up again with the fall and I could feel warm blood soaking the rag. I barely choked back a sob as another fiery jolt ripped through my abdomen.
I stumbled backwards until my back hit a tree, then slid down. I heard Geralt approach me again, but I paid no attention. The fire felt as though it was spreading into my veins now and dots were starting to creep into the edges of my vision. My breathing was sharp and irregular.
I sensed Geralt's presence in front of me. I could hear his voice far away.
Involuntarily, my head lolled to the side, my grip on my stomach loosened. My eyes slipped shut. The last thing I felt was burning, white hot fire spreading through my veins, my arteries, my heart.
I woke in the soft bed of an inn.
The fire in my veins wasn't so hot or sharp now, but it was still very noticeably there. I whined, turning over onto my side and curling into myself, arms wrapped around my side.
I soon realized I was swimming in a large tunic that wasn't my own and the bandages on my side were fresh and clean.
I started to push myself up onto my forearms, vision still hazy. I began to panic, suddenly wondering where I was. The fire only increased as the blood pumped through my veins at the movement.
I held back a whine,vmanaging to prop myself up against the wall behind the bed. My breathing was pained and ragged.
I heard a door open across the room. I struggled to swing my legs over the mattress, my breaths quickening. Blackness crept back into my sight as I shakily stood up, leaning heavily against the wall. I realized I had no weapons.
I barely heard their quiet footsteps quicken as they rounded the corner and I slumped over in relief before remembering our confrontation.
"You're awake." I said nothing, glaring at him. I now realized it was his shirt that I was wearing.
"Look- Fuck. I don't even know where to start." Geralt sighed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"It doesn't matter. I'm leaving," I hesitated. Looking to the frosted window outside. It looked to be late in the afternoon. "How long was I out?"
"Three days." He said softly. A tone I never thought I'd hear out of him.
"When did that thing get ahold of you?" His voice rose back to his normal, flat tone.
I ignored his question. "I'm leaving tomorrow. You won't have to worry about me 'clinging to your sleeve' anymore." I quoted him harshly. I moved to push past him as another sharp pain tore through me, leaving a burning trail behind it. I gasped, doubling over and leaning on the bed.
Geralt took two strides over to me, gently holding me by the waist to support me. "Lie down." He instructed. I didn't argue, curling up on the bed and wrapping my arms around myself. My hands tightly grasped Geralt's tunic I was wearing.
A sob escaped my throat as I felt the bed dip beside me. He gathered me up in his arms, pulling me to his chest and softly stroking my hair. My breath came in short pants as the pain worsened. I clutched onto his sleeve, curling further into him.
He hummed, a sound I heard more through his chest than anything else, pulling me closer. My eyes started to drift closed when another wave of pain wracked through my body. I didn't have the energy to do anything else but whimper. I lay there limply, dreading the next excruciating jab.
I tensed in his arms. "Shhh. The potion should kick in soon." He murmured.
"Potion?" I rasped, raising my head.
"Don't worry. It won't harm you."
"But I thought humans couldn't-" I broke off with a weak cough.
"Shh. I wouldn't use anything on you without knowing its effects."
Not exactly reassured by his words, I lay my head down all the same. After a few moments, when I didn't feel the same agonizing pain, I wondered.
"Why?" I mumbled.
"Why what?" I felt him shift beside me.
"Why take care of me? You said I was 'seless you should've left me by the side of the road."
"I didn't mean that. You scared the shit out of me." He sighed.
"You know they say whatever you say in anger is true."
"Not always." He whispered. After a moment of silence, "You're the strongest person I know. I wouldn't trust anyone else at my back."
"Why didn't you tell me? How long had you been hiding it?" I knew exactly what he meant.
"After our argument. After you went to sleep,, I took a walk." I paused before adding, "At least I killed the damn thing."
"You should've told me."
I managed a hoarse, humorless laugh. "You already told me how useless I am, you really think I was going to give you a reason to drive that in deeper?"
"I-" His voice was hesitant. "I'm so sorry. I never mean to make you feel like you can't come to me for anything. Especially when it's something that could kill you."
"I've lost so many people in my long life. But you. Anyone but you." I tensed as I felt another burning pain, not nearly as intense as the others but still agonizing nonetheless. Geralt had loosened his grip on me, but tightened it again when I tensed up.
I felt safe.
"I think the potion is starting to take effect now." He rumbled, pulling away. He must've noticed the confused expression on my face. "The pain has lessened?" I nodded slightly. I was still incredibly weak.
He gently tucked me back against his chest as my eyes drifted shut. The dull burning sensation was now almost gone as well, though I wasn't sure how long it would last, I was going to make the most out of it. I was exhausted. "You're not leaving." He mumbled into my hair.
"Not unless you want me to." I barely managed to get the words out as I was fading into sleep.
"Never."
4K notes · View notes