#It's literally nearly 5 am as I type this message alone.

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hi. I really admire your writng and love all your fic very much. Really,as a reader i cant wrap my head around how incredible your writing are. But as a fellow writer, it got me thinking how you balance your day working-personal life-reading-writing. I just enter corporate life and it was exhausting. How do you manage your time to write and is it hard for you to keep your interest in writing while working?

Thank youu and no, i think your chrismast deco look very beautiful. If I visit your house i would love staying around the tree with a dim light and a warm tea.

Thank you so much for the message. That's incredibly kind of you. You are welcome for a cup of tea any time!

I will break down my day under the read more.

05:40 - partner wakes up for work (waking me up) 06:10 - partner leaves for work and I get up 07:00 - in the car to work 07:30 - at work. I don't get paid until 08:30 but I literally would not be ready for the kids if I came in at that time, plus I'm already awake (and definitely a morning person). I'm usually alone in the class until around that time so I tend to have an audiobook on while I'm getting the class ready. I teach in a different classroom every single day, so I have to be organised. 16:00 - finish work 16:30 - home for a cup of tea and usually go on social media/write 18:00 - cook dinner which usually takes about an hour After that, I either spend time with my partner, read, or write. The only day I haven't written something was when I had to be at work until nearly 9pm for a halloween party, but generally, I write every single day. I will be honest in that I don't really have a social life. I've only really got one friend and she lives 60 miles away. I cancelled my gym membership because I hate going after work in winter and I've been so ill for the last couple of months that it was a waste of money. At the weekends, my partner and I might go to a coffee shop or a walk, but most of the time I am writing. It's nothing I have to force. I look forward to writing every single day. If I found it a chore, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes, I am super tired from work too and have a low output, but in those times I'll lay on the bed or take a bath with some music on and still be imagining scenarios. If you are exhausted, don't push it. If I've imagined a scene enough then I know exactly how it will play out to make the writing easier. My brain almost thinks in a writer mode now, like instead of seeing the scene, I'll also be narrating it.

I am constantly thinking about my writing. When I drive, I am imagining scenarios/dialogue. If I go for a walk alone, my headphones are on to dissociate and imagine. For me, it's all consuming. Weirdly, none of my new colleagues know I have any books and I've just mentioned it in passing to my family because we're not close and they don't really care. Even my partner has no clue about character names or anything because he hasn't read them. It's got to the point where I have RSI in my hand from typing so much. Today, I've written about 5000 words and have written 100k words for a single book since October.

It is hard for me to switch off sometimes. I do wonder if I have some sort of ADHD because I have to be doing something at all times. When I'm at work for my planning time, I'm usually doing all 8 jobs on my to do list at the same time, like this page is loading so I'll start this email then go back to that lesson plan then reply to that other person. I cannot just sit and watch tv, I either have to be sewing, or writing by hand, or typing. The only time I do nothing is when I sleep lmao. I've always been that way though.

In terms of reading, I've really struggled this year. Most books have been 2/3 star reads for me - which is really unlike me. I'm usually super generous with 5 stars. I've had to force myself to sit and read a lot because I'll just scroll on my phone otherwise when I'm bored.

I wish I had kids, but I don't, and thankfully my partner also cooks and cleans so if its his turn to cook, I can carry on writing. Sometimes it has caused arguments so I try to make a conscious effort to put my laptop down and spend quality time together. Writing is just everything to me. I love it. It's all I ever want to do. But, I'm also not a night person, so my laptop is usually off before 9pm and I'm asleep by half past 9 nearly every night ha.

#anon asks #a long ramble as always

[rachymarie]

So my friend is back in town atm and thusly today I've got an actual social event for the first time in forever (apart from family things) I am tentatively planning to attend and the layout of the day should be pretty straightforward (tho I can already suspect how I may fuck it up like I have in countless days past due to hyperfocus and rambling and not being privy to the concept of realistic passage of time), here is the order:

Coffee, 6am ✓

Meds breakfast, 9.30am ✓

Eat egg, now ASAP

Second coffee ASAP

Possibly do some more work on my drawing WIP (let's clothe this curvy baddie)

Shower - wash hair, exfoliate, shave legs

Message friend (host of drinks) confirming the details that have been thus far somewhat vague - but manage not to get swept into a full-blown conversation that takes up all the get-ready time my (actually) autistic ass requires.

Drink small energy drink

Makeup and a few wines - go all out with a planned eye lewk (do rest of face if time - but then again it's a gamble because I am a noob when it comes to complexion makeup like foundation and don't have a tried-and-true safe product - and I wanna look impressive and not like a massive (scaly orange) dick in front of some of these people forecast to be in attendance, whom I haven't seen since high school)

Make way over to friend's house

I was meant to wash hair yesterday but I only managed to have a quick shower, ain't nobody got time for this mop when running late. So now I've got the weight of All the big Shower tasks (washing hair and shaving takes it out of me, and sometimes takes so long it makes the water run cold)

I tried to get my other bff the Swede to come with me but I don't think he's up to it atm.

I was fretting about being asked the questions dreaded when you are as yet unemployed/disabled such as "what do you do for money" - sometimes they will begin with "what do you do" and when you describe your passions and hobbies they tack on "ah yes, but what do you do for money/how do you earn a living" -but apparently being so blunt is actually a bit rude. Though I am used to neurotypical/allistic etc folks being rude af despite them thinking I am Bad and they can do no wrong. There's a certain double-standard/hypocrisy against us that doesn't get talked about enough, but anyway I'm starting to segue hard now.

But I think if their wording is vague I can get away with responding with some of the mountains of other things I do besides normal employment ventures. I am possibly the most passionate person in the world so thar shouldn't be a negative thing, it should be celebrated. I may be too darn tired to do my own most of the time, but my passion for the arts (yes all of them: fine art, photography, sculpture, fashion/costume design, writing, film-making etc - even dream interpretation, I thrive making arts/creating) is kinda unrivalled

The health improvement practitioner I met with for the first time on Tuesday encouraged me to do some homework for it of practicing responses to likely questions so I feel confident and don't back out on the day.

Socializing is hard, and I don't know how to mask anymore. I need a Jennifer Cook (Love on the Spectrum US), but at least I am armed with her advice that you don't have to always fill silence (with inane chatter, using nearly literally anything as a talking point - it's frustrating/upsetting having that out-of-body experience, watching as you persist in fucking up regular interactions babbling. Sometimes I even run out of breath talking so much)

Sincerely an anxious, autistic schizospec a bit too used to her own company (god i love being alone majority of the time, at least I've got that because some people can't actually stand their own company for more than like 5 seconds) and prone to saying the wrong thing. I will never be "normal" everyone just face it.

Well, this actually turned out to take nearly an hour to type out lol I do love myself a helathy dose of self-sabotage. But I guess at least I always have a headstart as a chronic early bird, my friends can sleep in till midday if they're not careful. Longest I can sleep in is like 7am or if I'm really lucky 8am - but those days are far and few between, I am a severely underslept insomnia queen

This has been a post, thanks for tuning in to today's episode of Rachel Rambles

#personal #to do listing #schizospec #autistic #actually autistic #isolation #anxiety #disabled #actually schizospec #autistic schizospec #autistic and schizo #schizospec problems #autistic problems #hyperverbal #rambling #Rachel rambles

[kaistarus]

Mistexting Mayhem

Pairing: Nishinoya X Reader

Words: 1.6K

Summary: You accidentally send Nishinoya a text that was meant for Yachi and now he’s knows secrets you were hoping he never found out

A/N: If you think this fic is anything but crack you’re wrong lmao I’ve always wanted to write a fic with this style and Noya is great for the chaos i needed. It was fun

Masterlist

[6:40pm] idiot⚡: look y/n without adhd id be too powerful

                         i could beet god himself in handtohand combat

                         god was afraid of my raw fuckin awesomeness wen i bursted from the woom

[6:41pm] y/n: there is so much wrong with what u just said

[6:41pm] idiot⚡: i have absoltly no clue wat

[6:43pm] y/n: put those 3 brain cells to work. I believe in you

[6:43pm] idiot⚡: but theyve reached their daily quota

                          plz there so tired and overworked

You snorted, a dopey smile on your lips as you laid surrounded by textbooks and homework, swinging your feet in the air behind you. You focused intently on the cell phone in your hand doing everything you could to procrastinate the schoolwork around you.

[6:44pm] y/n: noyas so stupid

[6:44pm] yachi❤: i thought you liked him?

[6:45pm] y/n: jeez Yachi. dont come for my throat

                       i cant help that i have bad taste 🙄

[6:46pm] yachi❤: if it helps he tripped over a stray ball today

                               maybe think of that till you don’t like him??

Unfortunately, the image of Nishinoya waving to everyone then biffing it only had you smiling like a dork. How you’d gotten to a point that Nishinoya being an idiot made you swoon, you’ll never know.

You raised your eyebrow suspiciously at the new notification on Snapchat from ‘Tanaka’ and after swiping it open you nearly dropped your phone. Looking back at you was Nishinoya, his head tilted and eyebrow quirked in confusion with a gari-gari kun shoved halfway down his throat. The caption at the bottom reading ‘daaaammn look at your prince charming go 😩’.

You frowned at the picture, letting out a frustrated groan at how your heart accelerated against your ribcage. You quickly tapped out of it and reopened the messenger app.

[6:57pm] y/n: we have to kill Noya

[6:57pm] idiot⚡: we??? what kind of mission is this??? 😤

[6:58pm] y/n: i like him too much. he has to die. its for my own good

You waited impatiently for her response and almost debated doing your homework since it took longer than you felt necessary. You supposed you had suggested murder to Yachi, but still…

When you finally received a response your entire body froze.

[7:11pm] idiot⚡: U LIKE ME?!?!? 😍

                          UR KILLING ME?!?! 😢

                          IM SO CONFUSED......

                          and a lil turned on ngl👀

Your hand covered your mouth in horror as you processed what the hell you had just done. This didn’t happen to people in real life. Mistexting was stuff people made up when they created fake texts for social media to get likes. You didn’t think people actually went through this.

You opened new notifications to escape the hell that stared you straight in the face.

[7:15pm] Tanaka💪: Yo, whatd u do. Whys Noya having a panic attak

[7:16pm] y/n: I accidently texted him instead of Yachi and told him i liked him 😣

[7:16pm] Tanaka💪: O wtf thats hilarious 😂

[7:17pm] y/n: ITS NOT HILArIOUS

[7:18pm] Tanaka💪: Hes askin if its a prank. Wat do i do?

[7:19pm] y/n:I DONT KNOW SDKFHJN IM THE IDIOT WHO STSRTED IT

He stopped responding and you banged your head against your pillow anxiously.

[7:23pm] y/n: YACHI ITOLD NoYA I LKED HIM AND NOU HE NOS WAY DO JI DO!?!????! 😭😭😭

[7:23pm] idiot⚡: THIS ISNT YACHI!!!!

                           HOLY FUKC U DO LIEK ME!!!

You screamed into your pillow. Were you fucking kidding? This could not be happening.

[7:25pm] Tanaka💪: dude, twice? i cant save u now 🤪

[7:25pm] y/n: betraying me in my time of fucking need? i’ll remember this asshole

[7:26pm] Tanaka💪: so vulgar 👀

You growled at Tanaka’s uselessness and bravely peeked through one eye as you went back to your conversation with Nishinoya.

[7:24pm] idiot⚡: STOP IGNORING ME I KNO UR TEXTING RYU

[7:26pm] idiot: IM GONNA KEEP SPAMMING U TILL U ANSWE RME😤

[7:26pm] idiot⚡: 1

                          2

                          3

                          4

                          5

                           6

                           7

                           8

                           9

[7:27pm] y/n: what is this twitch chat? fuck 

[7:28pm] idiot⚡: your heeeeererererreee 🥰

[7:29pm] y/n: soooooo………..

                        clearly there has been a misunderstanding

[7:29pm] idiot⚡: oh nonono. I understand PERFETCLY. u LOVE me

                         its ok. this is a safe space. we can discuss feelings 😌

[7:31pm] y/n: there are zero feelings to discuss

[7:31pm] idiot⚡: then y did u say u like me too much so i have to die?

[7:34pm] y/n: i am filled with rage 🤬

[7:34pm] idiot⚡: rage over how much u liiike me???🥰🥰🥰

[7:36pm] y/n: definitely not

You racked your brain for some kind of reasonable sounding excuse, eventually landing on:

[7:36pm] y/n: It was autocorrect

[7:36pm] idiot⚡: HAH????? FROM?????

[7:38pm] y/n: HAH???

                       ....Nora?

[7:38pm] idiot⚡: Who TF is nora???? 😡

[7:39pm] y/n: someoe i like obviously 😏

[7:40pm] idiot⚡: so u like them but u use my name so much it autocorrected to me? 🤔

[7:44pm] y/n: OK MR DETEcTIVE WHERE TF ARE THES BRAIN CELS COMIN GFROM?

[7:45pm] idiot⚡: i pull them out for special ocasions 😌

[7:45pm] y/n: well how bout you pack those up and put em away

[7:46pm] idiot⚡: how bout two people who LIKE each other SAY something so they can DOOOOOOOO something bout IT 🙄

You began typing a frantic message about how it was none of his business until you processed the message. Then you read it over several times before letting out an audible, “what the fuck.”

[7:50pm] y/n: YOU LIKE ME

[7:50pm] idiot⚡: I FLIRT WITH U ALL THE TIME WAT DO U MEAN yOu LiKe Me!?!

                          FUCKING OBVIOSLY

[7:51pm] y/n: literally when. name one time.

[7:52pm] idiot⚡: I WALK WITH U EVERY MORNING!!!

[7:53pm] y/n: I thought that was a coincidence???

[7:54pm] idiot⚡: I BRNIG U SNACKS DURING LUNCH!!!

[7:54pm] y/n: I thought they were leftovers??

[7:55pm] idiot⚡: …....I call you cute and invite you to my games.

[7:56pm] y/n: you call everyone attractive and i thought there was like a audience quota or something........?

[7:57pm] idiot⚡: ….i cant tell who i should be upset with rn but i think its u 😑

[7:58pm] y/n: WAT WHY!?!

[8:00pm] Idiot⚡: I LIKE U+U LIKE ME=WE LIKE EACH OTHER

[8:01pm] y/n: whoa. slow down. I hate math 😣

[8:02pm] Idiot⚡: ===WE SHUD GO ON A DATE!!!

[8:02pm] y/n: HAH!? i think you started multiplying that addition problem buddy 🤨

Your cheeks were beginning to ache from how wide your dopey grin was. You couldn’t help but tease Nishinoya-it was second nature at this point-even if you now knew your feelings were mutual.

[8:04pm] idiot⚡: i suk at math but thats NOT the point

                         point iiissss i think deep down u want to hang out and cuddle and fall in love

                        maybe even..... 😏 kiiisssss

[8:04pm] y/n: WHOA WHOA WHOA

                        WARN ME BEFORE YOU GET NSFW

                        i would never premarital eye-contact. let alone k🤢ki-🤢🤢kiss🤢🤮🤮

[8:05pm] idiot⚡: well we would have socks on 🙄

[8:06pm] y/n: oh. well if there’s protection

[8:06pm] idiot⚡: Im not a maniac

[8:07pm] y/n: i suppose as long as you dont do something stoopid

                        like faceplant in public

                        that would be humiliating

[8:08pm] idiot⚡: I-

                          who told you that 😠

[8:08pm] y/n: i have spies everywhere noya

                        youre never safe

[8:09pm] Idiot⚡: kinda hot 👀

                         makin me fear for my life like that👀

[8:10pm] y/n: i hate that i like you

                        It kills me inside 

                        i feel braincels leaving with every conversation

[8:12pm] Idiot⚡: fan behavior 😏

                          so am i taking u to eat tomorow or wat?

[8:14pm] y/n: if I HAVE to 🙄

[8:14pm] Idiot⚡: No u GET to

                          I am a fucking delite 😤

[8:15pm] y/n: whatever helps you sleep at night

[8:15pm] Idiot⚡: nothing helps me sleep at night. this mind never rests

[8:16pm] y/n: thinking 24/7 and still not a smart thing comes out of that mouth 👀

[8:17pm] Idiot⚡: yas, bully me more 😫

[8:19pm] y/n: ok thats as much as i can handle for one day......

                       im gonna pretend to do homework

[8:20pm] idiot⚡: okie... good luck my sweet baby pogchamp 🥰

[8:20pm] y/n: no

[8:20pm] Idiot⚡: 😘😘😘

[8:22pm] y/n: 🙄✋

[8:23pm] Idiot⚡: oh FUCK yas 🥵 shut me UP

[8:25pm] y/n: suddenly all i feel is endless regret

[8:26pm] Idiot⚡: i have that effect on people

                          See you tomorrow 🥰🥰🥰

[8:27pm] y/n: unfortunately 😘

[8:27pm] idiot⚡: 🥵

You flung an arm over your eyes and let a small giggle bubble up from your chest. Nishinoya was probably the biggest idiot you’d ever met, but you couldn’t help that thinking of spending time with him had you kicking your feet with excitement.

You supposed you should actually get started on your homework. You reached forward when a notification popped up from Yachi, asking if her idea worked and you had stopped liking Nishinoya.

...you should probably break the news, huh?

#nishinoya yuu #nishinoya imagine #nishinoya scenarios #nishinoya yu x reader #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yu #tanaka ryuunosuke #yachi hitoka #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #hq nishinoya #nishinoya #nishinoya yū #haikyuu #nishinoya yuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! #haikyuu x y/n

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

#this is for sure already on tumble #but it's so cute #I had to #mine #r/relationships #tw// ed #edit: I'll add a transcript in a minute just gotta figure out how to make it accessible

[diffuserlover]

hi love !! may i please get personality ship with ateez, txt, and enhypen (but with the hyung line only/sunghoon and up!!! but if you originally shipped me with someone in the maknae line, i'd also love to know too !) i got so carried away with writing, so you can cut the personality part when posting my ship! tysm in advance

I’m an ‘03 liner that’s 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) girl with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark on my bottom lip!), my long legs (they’re 40.5 inches long and look so good in dresses and skirts <33), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with), and i am an i/enfj (i got 51% extravert 49% intra the first time, then 50% for both the second time!! ) and i honestly agree—i’m an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up.

i’m extremely passionate about the issues and people i care about and the goals and dreams i have. I’m creative, patient, an extremely good listener, caring, a social butterfly, and extremely hardworking. my friends always told me of my heart of gold and how perceptive i am of the people around me—noticing immediately when something is wrong and trying to make them feel better. I’m also very headstrong, detailed, and determined!! my friends also call me a nerd since i’ve had all a’s since kindergarten—i LOVE school/education and would describe myself as intelligent. i really like that i’m empathetic and motivational to those around me. it’s really easy for me to show my affection, adoration, and support for someone because i just want everyone to feel loved and safe :( i HATE seeing my loved ones sad, and when people usually have problems about anything (from family to just school), i’m the one they come to talk to because of my warm and openminded heart. I love sharing happiness with my friends in their goals and always hype them up no matter what, and it makes me so so so so happy seeing my loved ones content, comfortable, accepted, and just knowing that they mean so much to me and that they’re loved. im also really, really funny (my fave personality trait of mine tbh)!! I’m always cracking jokes and laughing (sometimes for no reason LMAOO). i would be in the library at like 7 am with my friends and struggle with stifling my laugh from jokes i told </3 although i’m extremely nice and outgoing, i’m not afraid to stand my ground (most of the time) and am super defensive (esp about topics like blm, antiblackness in our world, cultural insensitivity/appropriation, sexism/racism/ableism/homophobia), so if someone says some shit out of pocket, i will not be afraid to put them in their place !!! a lot of people (especially older/more traditional folk) do not like that but i could care less <3 some useless facts about me: i love love love afrobeats (nigerian gyal here), some k-pop groups (bts, txt, enha, ateez, gwsn, p1h, and some 2nd gen groups!), and r&b (rihanna and bey and aaliyah <33). i LOVE to play roblox, i’ve been to 14/50 US states, i can do VERY simple makeup, people often think my nails are acrylics bc they’re long and i love doing nail art on them), and i know all the lyrics and adlibs to enhypen’s given-taken 😋 if i could describe myself in a word, it’d be openminded!! and my dreams for the future are 1) to be truly happy and comfortable (which includes finding my true love <33) 2) to make a change on the people around me and the world itself (preferably through healthcare so i can mend health disparities in POC and low-income neighborhood!!), and i love junk food (I SHOULDNT but it’s so good). I also LOVE law and order svu and forensic files, princess and the frog, tangled, and penthouse !!!!!

I also love to go out and explore—whether trying out a new restaurant in the city or a newly opened amusement park or trying something new, like skydiving (or some other crazy but fun idea), trying recipes from around the world, or trying sledding for the first time! at the same time, i like really chill, mellow spending-time-alone-or-with-one-other-person activities like baking (my favorite treat to bake is red velvet cupcakes and cheddar bay biscuits) and dancing !! (i’ve been a dancer for more than 12 years!!). i can also speak more than 5 languages (including korean!) and i’m always saying random phrases (like thank you, i love u so much!, gtfo my face, that sucks ass) in a random language too LMFAOOO. i often think being a coffee/cafe lover is a personality trait (i love love love love love coffee) i also love accessories (earrings, necklaces, bracelets, anklets, rings, etc) and would die of happiness when the day i can wear matching accessories with my s/o comes. i also love cleaning/keeping my spaces clean and i hate a dirty house </3

besides being my bestfriend who i can kiss and whatnot (hehe), my ideal type is a TALL (like my 5’9+/i’m already tall but pls .5 of an inch taller would be enough) man who has eyes for me and only me !!! they may look cold/cool/mysterious/laid back at first glance (like “yeah haha 🙂" to any other girls but “hi baby what can i do for u today to please the loml” with me <3) but turn into the sweetest, warmest, cutest honey bun once i get to know them! (kinda like me)!! ALSO a man who can pull off all black outfits like those are my FAVORITE omg. he needs to be FUNNY and have a BIG sense of humor (like i want to laugh every second i’m with him and laugh so hard that our stomachs start hurting and we beg each other to stop making jokes type of humor), fashionable (so i can learn fashion pls and wear coordinated outfits with him). i just want a boy who i could talk to and listen to for HOURS. like i would follow him into the bathroom as he showers and sit on the toilet and just listen to him talk about his day or vent to him, but also a boy that loves comfortable silence!! like we can spend the whole together and come back to the house where im studying and he’s working on a personal project so that just being with him makes me feel warm <3 i want a s/o who’s willing to go out and travel with me so i could take off guard pics of him and make him my wallpaper until he begs me to change it. im also not good at conflict so if conflict arises, id love a boy who knows how to talk me down and open up the room for conversation and make me feel safe and not as if im confronted or wrong, someone where we can just talk, resolve our problem, and make it up with a hug or night out!! this kinda leads to me wanting a relationship where we both help improve each other and our flaws (for example some of my flaws are callousness, taking things to heart sometimes, and not opening up easily, etc), so i’d really appreciate a relationship where my partner and i can help each other grow as people. i also love love love to cook, so i’d love an s/o that loves cooking with me and teaching each other how to cook each other’s cultural foods (i would love to teach my bf how to cook jollof rice and have a cookoff one day). i also want a boy that i can tease (i love to tease people omg) <3 like i could say “u look like a cute tomato when u blush <3333” to “and that’s why you got a fat ass head” and we’d just laugh and he’d tease me back <33 I like ALL 5 of the love languages (im a hopeless romantic ik) but my top 3 tied for 1st are quality time (HEAVY ON THE QUALITY TIME i want to spend everyday with my bf at chinatown or a new city exploring), words of affirmation (someone who reaffirms me of their love continuously, supportively, and in sweet ways), and acts of service (cooking my favorite food when i’m down, doing chores that i cant do when tired). men who are really expressive through touch are also ideal <3 i'd shy away from pda, but inside the house i’d be so happy yet so shy and flustered when they express their love through touch (like laying in my lap so i can play with their hair, holding my hand while watching tv, cuddling while talking about whatever). OR like the SLIGHTEST compliment or act of love (LIKE BACKHUGS OR HOLDING HANDS OR KISSING MY BEAUTY MARKS OR FOREHEAD KISSESJSJSJSJ) i’d just love to be really appreciated and loved and also show the same love, support, warmth, closeness, and happiness to my bf <3

THANK U SO MUCH AAAA i honestly cant wait for my ship!! have an amazing day/afternoon/evening <3

Hiii! Thank you so much for requesting!! I really hope you like it!! Btw you seem like the sweetest person ever and you are literally perfection<3

ATEEZ:

I ship you with...

Seonghwa

Okay! I literally was going between Mingi and Seonghwa the whole time but when reading your ideal type I was thinking more Seonghwa!

You said you like someone who is kinda cold on the outside but sweet when you get to know them and Seonghwa is literally the definition of that🤣

He can also pull off those black outfits you like(I’m simping lmaoo)😚

Wooyoung might disagree but I think Seonghwa is funny and you guys would always make each other laugh😄

He would 100% wear matching outfits with you(he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling)😆

Seonghwa would be open about his feeling with you🙂

He truly appreciates that you always listen to him and will always just let him talk out his day(he always lets you talk first, what a gentleman)🥺

I could see you sitting at the desk or table studying while he’s walking around cleaning and it wouldn’t be awkward 😁

Seonghwa doesn’t seem like the type to yell at you unless he was really really mad, he is more of the problem solver in my eyes so I think he would be that person to talk you down and have a conversation with you instead of yelling😊

I feel Seonghwa would really want to connect to you on a deeper emotional level, he would open up more the longer you guys are together😭🥰

Seonghwa does like to cook but isn’t like the worlds most amazing chef so I could see you guys cooking together 😋

Little cooking dates where you have fun competitions to see who’s dish is better🤩

He would let you tease him if it’s all light hearted but he would always tease you back💀

I think Seonghwa is a little bit shy about skinship but sees that you like when he initiates it so he really tries🥺

Your height is nearly the same so I don’t think either of you would mind the height difference 😁

He would always complement the beauty mark on your lip or your legs cause he know how much you like it lol😇

You both are extroverts so you guys go out a lot more often🙂

He likes how you take care of him when he’s having a bad day like getting him a drink or snacks or a simple text message when he’s at work🥰

He would be inspired by how passionate you are about issues around the world and would always ask you what he can do to help you or anything☺️

He likes how your always laughing or making jokes because he loves your smile and it always makes him smile😭😭

Because of your long nails he really likes when you play with his hair😚

He loves to hear you speak in all the languages you speak(he is really impressed)😋

You both don’t like a dirty house and you guys are clean all the time lol🤣

Overall, You and Seonghwa have a really deep relationship and really care for each other🥰🥺

TXT:

I ship you with...

Yeonjun

Yeonjun is effortlessly funny so I feel like he would always make you laugh and you would always make him laugh😄

Yeonjun is really into fashion and would gladly wearing matching outfits with you

He also pulls off a black outfit just like you said you like🤩

He would constantly buy you accessories because he knows how much you like them🥰

Yeonjun is definitely pretty clingy to you😚

He is taller than you by like 1 inch 😋

Yeonjun is cold looking on the outside and is a cinnamon roll on the inside😆

He will probably beg you for a puppy(a welsh corrgi) a lot💀

I feel like Yeonjun would be okay with comfortable silence if he is in the mood

He is a talkative person so I feel like your conversations would never end😊

I don’t know how arguments could go with him, I feel like it depends on how he is that day🙂

You guys love cooking together with music blasting throughout the house😚

If he gives up on helping you he will cling to you and back hug you until your done in the kitchen😭🥺

He loves to complement you until your super super flustered ☺️🤣

He probably likes how clean you are🙂

For your birthday he got you a little necklace with a lock on it and he has the key for the lock and when you open it, it has your guys initials together😭

He would probably take you to the studio and have a little dance battle 🤩

He would be willing to explore with you though I feel he would rather be at home with you alone😁

He finds it inspiring how passionate you are about issues around the world and often looks up to you for it😊

You guys get matching nails!!😄

You guys are on the higher side of zodiac sign compatibility😇

Overall, you and Yeonjun are the cutest and are literally couple goals 😍

Enhypen:

I ship you with...

Sunghoon

You guys are the same height😌

Sunghoon would pull off that black outfit you like!😅

I feel like it would take him some time to initiate skinship and be affectionate with you but when he does he can’t let go of you😊

He loves when you play with his hair🥺

I feel like he loves just spending time with you and being with you🤩

He likes to hold your hand😇

He bought you for your birthday match rings☺️

Sunghoon doesn’t know how to cook so be patient with him but he will always turn cooking into some competitive thing😆

I think it would take him a while to completely open up to you but he still likes to talk things out with you🥺

He is so beautiful how can you not take photos of him and set them as your wallpaper(he definitely begs to you to change it but also loves it and doesn’t want you to change it)🤣

He loves how he can always talk to you about absolutely anything😁

Introverts and extroverts go best with each other🙂

He is very cold and distant looking at first but we all know how sweet and baby like he is on the inside😁😊

He is really interested in the things you are passionate about and is constantly asking you questions 🤩

He finds himself smiling when thinking about you😭🥰

You always make him laugh, it’s one of his favorite things about you😄

He would laugh as you guys blast given or taken through the house and you sing the whole thing dancing around(grab his hands and make him dance with you)😂😚

I could see you guys eating fast food in your car in some random parking lot just talking and listening to music looking at all the stars🥺

Drag him out to do this with you😆

He likes how clean you are🙂

Overall, I think you and Sunghoon are so sweet together🥰

#kpop ships #Enhypen #txt #tomorrow x together #ATEEZ #ateez #Yeonjun #Choi Yeonjun #seonghwa #park seonghwa #Sunghoon #park sunghoon

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Top 10 Things I Love About Supernatural

It’s been almost half a year since the show ended and now that the dust has settlIed, I just want to list ten reasons I love this show. Despite it’s flaws, it’s been quite the ride.

1. Team Free Will

When I first got the idea to make this list, I originally planned on doing entirely separate entries for “Sam & Dean” and “Destiel”. Except then I wanted to pay tribute to “Sastiel”. And then I wanted to do an entry for “Team Free Dads”. By that point, I was already halfway through the list and I hadn’t even moved on from the main characters. A few months ago, I made a post about why I love every single pairing in this group. Obviously, Sam and Dean are a legendary duo. Obviously, Dean and Cas have an unparalleled story. Obviously, Sam and Cas are an underrated team. As for Team Free Dads, I’ve always had a soft spot for father/mentor figure characters and and all three tackle the role in different ways. I love Jack, too. I love how everyone in this bizarro family is “broken” in some way. We’ve got the Allistair’s prized pupil, the spawn of satan, the boy with demon blood, and the angel who nearly obliterated all of heaven. But they help each other heal by being supportive and seeing the good in each other. They all love each other so deeply and when together, nothing can stand in their way. Not Michael, not Lucifer, and not God himself. They tore up the book and wrote their own story. And it was a pleasure to watch it all unfold.

2. The Suppporting Characters

To list every single supporting character I have loved and lost in this show would take way too long. I don’t know if it’s the writing or acting performances, but I love pretty much every single supporting character on this show. Even villains like Azazel or Allistair are top-notch villains. Hell, I even like characters like Metatron, Lucifer, Mary, and John! Characters like Rufus, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mick...how am I not supposed to love them??? All of their stories were cut so short. I’d watch a show about any of these characters. The Wayward Sisters were robbed. So many ships were gone too soon (Sam/Rowena, Dean/Jo, Cas/Meg, Etc.). So many heartbreaking deaths. I want to be best friends with all these characters. Why be a “dean-girl” or a “sam-girl” when you can be a garth-girl? A kevin-girl? A claire-girl? A bela-girl? There are so many great characters with interesting and compelling backstories and so much untapped potential. I could go on forever on this, but I digress.This show has one of the best supporting casts I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

3. The Themes

It’s no accident that I got addicted to this show at the time that I did. Namely, my Senior Year of College and 2020. Graduating college and entering the “real world” felt like it’s own sort of apocalypse. 2020 definitely exacerbated my worst tendencies. Messages like “family don’t end in blood”, “you can write your own story”, and “always keep fighting” really resonated with me. I could definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity these character’s felt and the ways they suppressed/repressed their issues instead of facing them. I could relate to the feelings of not fitting in and I could definitely relate to the loneliness. This show helped remind me that I’m not alone. That it’s okay if my values and identity don’t line up with the what I envisioned for myself. And, most importantly, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I should never give up. If Dean, Sam, and Cas can keep moving forward despite their demons and despite how bad it gets, so can I. Regardless of how the story ended, these themes resonated with me and I’ll still hold them with me. A single episode can’t take that away.

4. The Fun Episodes

This show has so many legendary standalone episodes. Changing Channels. Ghostfacers. The French Mistake. Fan Fiction. Tall Tales. Bad Day at Black Rock. When this show goes for the absurd, it goes all-in. It takes the risks it needs to take, it gets completely insane, and it pulls it off. So many of these episodes could have easily been the moment that the show “jumped the shark”. Yet, time after time, the show delivered on it’s potential. I don’t know how much I can say about these episodes except that they made me laugh out loud, made me fall even harder for these characters, and that they’re the episodes I remember best. If I were to rewatch any episode, it would be one of the fun ones. This show knew how to not take itself too seriously and how to poke fun at itself. I’ve always had a soft spot for shows that can make me laugh and cry (X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Doctor Who, etc.), and this show definitely nails the fun part. 

5. The Sad Episodes

Death’s Door. Hammer of the Gods. Despair. Carry On. Abandon All Hope. In My Time of Dying. Swan Song. When this show wants you to cry, it doesn’t pull the punches. It gets downright devastating. No character is safe. Literally every character you love will either be forgotten or will die. Or both. The amount of trauma Sam and Dean have to go through is insane. Both have literally been to hell and back. Both have killed countless people, including innocents. When this show decides it wants to wreck you, it’s overwhelming. I sobbed when Bobby died. I sobbed when every single member of Team Free Will died for the final time (I still can’t watch any of those scenes). I still wish Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, Mick, and Gabriel had been given more time to tell their stories. Being a hunter means a life of endless angst. Being an angel or demon doesn’t get you off the hook, either. I remember going into this show thinking it couldn’t hurt me. My favorite character type is “mentor/father figure”. But holy hell...I don’t think every single sad moment was necessarily good writing, but when it was? Damn. 

6. The Biblical Themes

I’m not a relgious person. But, despite this show being steeped in Christian mythology, it really touched on my feelings about the Old Testament in a profound way. Well, really just Ben Edlund and Robbie Thompson did. I’ve never seen a show really hit the overall feel of the bible the way this show does. The idea of Angels as mystical and terrifying creatures. The idea of God as a flawed father figure with a penchant for wrath. The sheer epicness of the biblical stories. The idea of family members constantly being turned on each other. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Essau. Moses and Ramses. Moses and Aaron. Abraham and Isaac. The bible is full of stories of family drama. This show doesn’t always give angels and demons weight. Sometimes it’s silly and stupid and cheesy. But when it hits right? It’s epic. This is more of a personal thing I love about the show, but definitely a plus!

7. The Music

The early seasons music is so good. I really miss the classic rock of the golden era of the show. I mean, there are still some great musical moments later on, but damn. I loved hearing songs I recognized and I loved learning new songs. I loved when the song and the scene hit perfectly in time (Death’s intro. Cas’s return in Season 13.). Also Supernatural wouldn’t be Supernatural without the ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ song at the end of every season. Even at the end of a season I didn’t love, that recap would always get me pumped. Also Chuck singing Fare Thee Well? Dean and Lee singing together? Fan Fiction? All great. 

8. The Cast & Crew

I never care about the actors or actresses in a show. I definitely don’t bother with the names of specific writers and directors or their styles of writing/directing. They’re just random people who happen to write for or play these characters I love. They’re not actually the characters. But these guys? Well, for one, I’m pretty sure half this cast actually is their character. At least to some degree. They’re also just...really cool people? Who are all friends? They make a point to do community service, to interact with fans, and to promote positive ideas. Jared’s Always Keep Fighting campaign. Misha and GISH. The fact that they all participate in fundraising opportunities and encourage fan engagement. Do they all have issues? Definitely. Have they said stupid things? Yes. But the good far outweighs the bad. They’re an entertaining bunch whether onscreen or not and I hope they all do well in whatever their future endeavors may be.  

9. The Fandom

I joined this fandom late. To be honest, I thought this fandom was obnoxious before I found myself a part of it. Now that I’ve been in the trenches? It’s got it’s ups and downs like any fandom. There are some parts that are more toxic than others. A lot of people yelling that their opinion is the only opinion. But overall? The good outweighs the bad. And the good? The good is great. Some fanfictions I’ve read are better than actual books I’ve read and just as moving. The fanart? Incredible. I love reading all the metas about random aspects of the show I never would have noticed. I love the music videos and I love the analytical videos. In real life, I’ve made many friends through our mutual love of this show. Hell, even getting sucked into GISH once or twice has given me some solid memories and brought me closer to friends. I wish all fandoms were this much like family. I’m so glad I got to be a part of this fandom and I can’t wait to continue being a fan. After all, nothing ever stays dead in Supernatural.

10. The Chaos & Insanity

Season 16 has been a time. First, Destiel went canon. Then suddenly Sherlock was having a 5th season, Putin was retiring, and Georgia was going blue. Destiel going “canon” and Joe Biden winning the presidency will always be correlated in my mind now. Things in the fandom went from quiet to blaringly loud real fast. Carry On happened. The fandom went into a civil war. I can’t even remember half of what happened in Season 16, but it’s been a wild ride. There’s been ups (my personal favorite being the french dub and the Saileen wedding). There’s been downs (Jared’s controversial statements and the original scripts being leaked). At one point Misha Collins had sex with Bill Clinton???? It’s been a wild time. It’s honestly gotten me through the end of this pandemic. At least it’s entertaining. I would say that at least all the craziness is over, but is it ever really over? Every time I say that something else completely insane happens. But it’s been fun. I’m glad I started watching this show despite my reservations and here’s to whatever happens next. 

#team free will #team free will 2.0 #castiel #jack kline #sam winchester #dean winchester #sam and dean #destiel #wayward sisters #supernatural #spn #misha collins #jared padalecki #jensen ackles

[pixelatedrose]

Soulbound part Six

First | Previous | Part 6 | Next

Ao3 link

Masterpost

Word Count: 2,651

Pairings: Platonic LAMP, Prinxiety, Logicality, background Remile

Warnings: uncensored swearing, unsympathetic Deceit, one small mention of being shot (metaphorically), if i missed anything please please tell me and if there's something in particular you want me to tag, don't be afraid to let me know!!

Summary:

Roman Prince and Logan Rose are soulmates. They’re platonic soulmates though. They both have the same Soul mark to prove it. But they both have one other soul mark, binding them to one other person. And when they find Patton Miles, it just so happens that they’re both his soulmate. Logan being his Soulbound Soulmate, and Roman being a platonic soulmate. But something feels missing. And it feels filled, shockingly so, when they meet a certain someone a year and a half after they found each other.

Chapter 6

  It was five minutes till the bell and 15 minutes ago Roman had given up on hoping Mr. Sanders and Virgil would come back. For all he knew they could be through a magical portal and would come back a day later and twice their ages and having gone incredible life changing journeys and Virgil would have realized too late that he wanted to be Roman's bestest friend in the entire world.

  Of course if that happened Roman would be pissed cause they went on a magical journey without him!!!

  "SORRY CLASS!!" Mr. Sanders announced loudly, bursting in through the door dramatically. Roman, who had been standing near the door, jumped nearly 5 feet in the air and suppressed a shriek, having it come out as a scream instead. Not much better.

  The class laughed softly and from behind the teacher, Roman saw Virgil.

  And what a sight he was.

  His eyes were tear streaked and red, but his eyes danced with joy as he held back a laugh. It was like witnessing raining stars, if you know what that is; when the sun shines on falling hail, it looks like sparkling stars streaking from the heavens.

  There were still the remnants of tears caught in his lashes and just the tip of his nose was red, matching his cheeks. And somehow, it was only then that Roman noticed his freckles, unmasked by tears and a lack of concealer.

  He was beautiful.

  And once again Roman got caught up in the moment and had forgotten where he was and what had happened.

  Virgil seemed to have caught Roman's staring and threw his hood over his head, obscuring his eyes, however failing to hide his shy smile that he thought he was so cleverly masking.

  "Well! Sorry about that but it's all over now and I would sincerely appreciate it if you didn't mention this to people!" Mr. Sanders finally said when the class settled down.

  Rose raised her hand. "I'll be happy to keep my mouth shut, but what happened exactly?"

  Mr. Sanders hesitated and Roman saw Virgil, who was still behind in the hall, stiffen up and all joy flicker off his face, his eyes shimmering with an uncomfortable glaze.

  Roman's emotions sizzled softly under his skin and he was about to turn on his friend when Mr. Sanders beat him to it in a much kinder tone.

  "That's something that I think can stay between me and my brother. Sorry, Rose."

  Had Roman been drinking anything it would be long sprayed over the rest of the class.

  Virgil and Mr. Sanders are brothers?! I mean I sort of knew they had the same last name, but I mean so does Bernie Sanders but they're not related!!!

  Roman opened his mouth to voice his disbelief, not catching the horrified look on a small emo boy's face. "Wai-"

  Ding!! Ding!! Ding!!

  Damn that bell.

  "Alright class! That's it for today and don't forget that the syllabus needs to be signed by Monday!!" Mr. Sanders called to his students who were shuffling around the room now, grabbing their books and bags and slowly filing out of the room.

  And swept up in the crowd, Roman lost sight of a purple haired boy with pale skin and pretty blue eyes.

  Roman cursed under his breath but halfway back home he silently blessed that the universe swept the small boy away from him. Virgil had obviously had a trying day. He didn't need a near stranger nagging him for information on his personal life after such a day.

~~•~~

  Virgil could have melted into the ground then and there when Thomas had announced to the whole class that they were brothers. Luckily the bell saved him and before Roman inevitably came looking for him (he had every other time of the day) Virgil slipped into the crowd and disintegrated his presence.

  He slipped into a side hall and watched Roman pass him by, a look of hot disappointment tracing his features. 

  It stung a little to watch, but Virgil could deal with a tinge of regret for a few seconds if it meant he could escape the drama of the day for a breath or two.

  After everyone was out of sight he turned around and went back into the classroom.

  "There you are!" Thomas said happily. "I thought you'd ended up running home. Which would have been fine I mean, it's your choice after all." He rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish and sloppy grin plastered on his face awkwardly.

  Virgil nodded. "Yeah it's fine. I want to talk to you about the letters anyway." Sudden realization dawned Virgil's mind and he frantically ran a hand through his hair. "Oh god of course I overlooked things!!"

  "Hey, is everything okay, Virgil?"

  "Yeah...I mean no! I mean- ugh!!" Virgil threw his hood over his head once again. "Mom will freak out if she doesn't know where I am…" He looked up at Thomas who had disappointment glazing his eyes. Virgil tried to correct himself. "Oh!! No no, no I'll just tell her I'm at a friend's house!!" He nodded to himself. "Yeah that will work!"

  Thomas looked at him. "Alright, I'll be in my office cleaning stuff up and then we can go if you're absolutely sure."

  Virgil nodded and pulled out his phone. He opened the messaging app and clicked on his mother's profile picture. He never did like calling people. Even his mom. He'd rather send a text and plan out what he's going to say rather than be put on the spot.

  He typed out a quick message and pressed send. Two seconds later Virgil's phone lit up with the call menu. Mom was written across the top and his mother's smiling face was flashing at him.

  Dammit, mom! Don't you know that texting is easier?!

  He answered the phone bringing the violent buzzing to a stop.

  "Hheeeyyyy mom!" Virgil said awkwardly. Not that his mother noticed apparently.

  "Virgey, honey! Tell me what is it that you're doing?" She sounded genuinely confused and Virgil had to hold himself back from facepalming.

  "Mom, I sent you a text…"

  "Oh I know, baby, it's just that mummy would rather hear it from you and not some computer thing."

  "Mom it's literally the same thing."

  "Oh it is? Oh...Well I wanted to hear your voice anyway!"

  Virgil rubbed the bridge of his nose before returning to the phone. "It's fine mom! I just wanted to go and hang out and study at a friend's house. That's all."

  There was a pause on the line and Virgil knew he'd met his doom. Of course she wasn't going to let him!! He should have just walked straight home and not looked back, he should have-

  "Oh honey!! You've already made friends?!"

  It was like being shot through the skull. Virgil you idiot you don't have any friends. How can you go over to a friend's house if the friends don't fucking exist.

  "Yep!! I've already made a friend!" Virgil lied through his teeth, sweating bullets.

  "Aww!! My baby's growing up and making friends!! What's their name? What are you studying?? Who are they???"

  Shit, shit, shit, fuck, uhhhh….. Virgil thought desperately of someone he could use as a friend. And before he had completed the thought in his mind, his mouth started forming words.

  "Roman Prince." Virgil said confidently.

  Wait fuck no-

  "Oh that's lovely! Well you have fun with your new friend darling dear!! I'm expecting you home by 5:30 for dinner!!" His mother squealed, the way she half sighed half giggled the word 'Friend' sending warm shivers across his cheeks. He knew he didn't have any friends but it wasn't something to swoon over!! Virgil heard the call end and he was left with a hot, embarrassed blush across his face and his mouth open like he was ready to catch something in it.

  "She was overly excited and way too quick to accept it wasn't she?" Thomas asked, coming out of his office with a shoulder bag.

  Virgil shook himself back to the present and nodded his head. "Yeah…"

  "Yep she's like that. Doesn't care where you are but cares way too much about what you're doing. She'll probably try and read any journals you keep tonight. Either that or she won't leave you alone during dinner."

  "She was like that when you were a kid too?"

  "Oh yeah. Deva doesn't seem to have changed much, if I'm being honest. And it's only more clear now why dad left her…"

  "Oh...She's...She's not that bad, is she?"

  "I mean in my opinion yes. But I can't force you to think things."

  "Right…"

  Virgil arrived at Thomas's place after a car ride full of belting out Disney songs as loud as possible and talking about the darker meanings behind each movie, and Virgil just felt that much more comfortable around his brother.

  "And welcome to my humble abode, brother Virgil!" Thomas said theatrically.

  Virgil rolled his eyes. "I see why you're the theater teacher, now."

  Thomas smiled before cupping his hands around his mouth. "GUSS-GUSS, JAQ, I'M HOME!!"

  "You have roommates?"

  "Yeah but they don't pay rent. And they're a mess to clean up after."

  "That doesn't sound like they're good roomies…"

  "Oh they make up for it by being cute."

  Thomas walked up the stairs waving Virgil to follow. He rounded into a room that was sure to be his and flicked on the lights, strutting over to a cage on the far wall.

  Virgil took the time to drink in the room and Thomas' s house. It was nice, and it smelled more like home than "home" ever did to Virgil.

  Thomas returned holding two fluffy objects in his hands. "This is Guss-Guss and Jaq!" He said bubbly. He held out his hands which were clasped warmly and safely around two mice. "Like I said, they make up for not paying rent by being cute!"

  If Virgil didn't have pride he would have cooed and melted at the sight of the puffballs. "Can I…?" He gestured in an odd way that somehow got his point across.

  "Yes! Yes you can hold them!" Thomas was delighted.

  He handed Virgil the two soft rodents and Virgil squeaked in delight, reminiscent of the mice themselves.

~~•~~

  An hour later, after eating leftover cake, watching Thomas try (and fail) to slide down his banister majestically, and talking about emo bands they were (or are in Virgil's case) into, Virgil and Thomas sat on the couch in the living room, Virgil absently feeding Guss-Guss little bits of coconut shavings.

  "So," Thomas began, Jaq falling asleep in his shirt pocket. "You wanted to talk about the letters? What do you want to talk about?"

  "I don't really know…" Virgil confessed. "I guess I just wanted to talk about them to get to know you better, but I don't know...I already feel like I know you." Virgil paused to pick up the mouse in his lap and delicately placed him on his shoulder. "The other thing was that I wanted to answer all the questions you asked me. But it feels silly just listing them off myself, so-"

  "What's your favorite color?" Thomas interrupted Virgil, a faint and warm smile on his face.

  "What?"

  "What's your favorite color? It was one of the first questions I asked in a letter I think." Thomas's words were soft but his eyes were beaming, as if he was the most clever person ever. "So. What's your favorite color?"

  Virgil smiled widely. "Purple!"

  Two hours later Virgil was being dropped off. He had talked the entire time about things they did, stories Thomas had missed out on, and Virgil's interests. It so happened that Thomas shared a lot of them. They almost got caught up talking about Avatar the last airbender for nearly half an hour towards the end of their talk, and still had a million things they wanted to know.

  "Hey drop me off here!" Virgil asked.

  "Why? Your house is still a block away."

  "I know, but I don't want mom to know I was with you."

  "Ah. That makes a little more sense." Thomas pulled over and let Virgil out of the car.

  Virgil did a double take before running up to the drivers side window and reaching through, giving his older brother the best hug he could from where he was.

  "Thanks, Thomas. I'll see you tomorrow!"

  "See you tomorrow, Virge!!" Thomas called out to the purple haired boy.

  Virge… Virgil had never actually been called Virge before. His mother always ended it with a cutesie "y" at the end, making him feel like a toddler.

  He found that he enjoyed the way Virge sounded.

  It suited him.

  He liked it.

~~•~~

  A boy called Deceit sat in his room thinking. He wanted to get the purple haired boy to be his new puppet friend victim. He stood up and crossed his room, fishing a clean notebook out of an all too messy desk, in the process disturbing the bracelets on his wrist causing a hint of a tattoo to catch the light.

  The boy called Deceit panicked and dropped the notebook, slapping a hand down around his wrist. He took a few calming breaths and adjusted his bracelets again. He picked up his notebook and began writing everything he knew about the purple haired boy down.

  He's reserved.

  But not afraid to talk back.

  He's been through shit and I'll put him through hell.

  He seems fairly depressed and easy to manipulate.

  Use that against him.

  Or don't.

  He's drawn to Roman Prince. That's a problem. I can probably fix that with time.

  He's the new drama teacher's little brother. And at least I'm not an idiot like the rest of this dull lot and I know who the new teach is.

  I can use that too.

  A short boy who was called Deceit thought back to Roman Prince and how he was tied up in all of this when a grand idea struck him as he scribbled out what he had previously written about the semi-popular boy.

  Oh I can use that.

  Oh now this will be a fun game to play!!

~~•~~

  Patton got home from school that day, a little sad that he wasn't able to walk home with Logan that day. His boyfriend had said that he wanted to start going to Chess Club as soon as possible and heaven knows that Chess Club is B O R I N G.

  It had been a particularly odd day for Patton, emotions-wise. He had a slight prickle of dread in him for the first half, followed by tiny warm fuzzies that didn't last too long. That was replaced by more dread bubbles that burst into full blown betrayal and regret by the time 6th period was rolling around.

  It had evened out though, Patton felt unusually happy and content for the rest of the day. It had been a weird few days, but it wasn't something he could help.

  Hormones, amiright?

  Patton flopped down onto his bed and sighed happily. It had been a long while since he had been this blissfully content with his life. He glanced over at his fishtank- He was allergic to cats and his parents wouldn't let him have a dog no matter how much he begged, so he settled for fish.

  Fish and dogs were basically the same thing, right? I mean there was such a thing as a catfish so dogfishes must also exist.

  Patton giggled happily to himself as he imagined a fish on a leash, floppy little dog ears sprouting from its scaly head.

  Something felt right.

  Something felt calm.

  It felt like there were going to be good days ahead.

  And Patton couldn't wait to greet them.

Authors notes:

So uh yeah good news. This chapter WASN'T late!! In fact it's EARLY!! Yeah so i got hit with some mad insomnia last night and ended up writing a whole bunch. It's not a long chapter, but i think it's a good break from all the angst. Don't get too comfy though~

Anyway, love you all and stay fresh and minty my shiny folks!! 💛

TAG LIST

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#logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #thomas sanders #ts logan #ts patton #ts roman #ts virgil #ts sides #sanders sides #logicality #prinxiety #highschool au #soulmate au #Soulbound Au #sanders sides fic #ts sides fic

[purplesurveys]

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it?  My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for?  It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother:  She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13?  In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore?  Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend?  Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old?  Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)?  I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?  Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it?  Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you?  No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life?  EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating?  Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s?  I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out?  I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys?  Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house?  Nope.

What was the last soda you drank?  Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for?  I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery?  Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent?  No.

Who was the last person to hit on you?  No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to?  A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone?  Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs?  Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower?  Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about?  Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better?  I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?  I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre?  Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre?  I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you?  Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority?  In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool?  Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body)  One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes?  No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently?  The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs?  Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark?  Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with?  Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems?  Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale?  Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese?  I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked?  I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack?  It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework?  Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants?  I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe?  No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off?  I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to?  Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail?  Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with?  I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read?  I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most?  College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school?  No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into?  I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military?  Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song?  I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you?  Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test?  I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do?  I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl?  The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once?  I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive?  I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom?  Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed?  Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.)  I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it?  Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah. 

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about?  I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them?  I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with?  Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before?  Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability?  Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you?  Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it?  I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid?  I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income?  Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits?  I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health?  Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative?  Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like?  I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be?  Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like?  No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American.

#survey #surveys

[dragonstoravens]

Babylon Vol. 1: A Favor For A Friend

[ID: a blue patterned banner with text reading “BABYLON.” End ID.]

By dragonstoravens and @charlottedotexe​

(In keeping with the plan to post an update every Friday, here’s chapter 5. A lot of these early chapters are a bit shorter, in a sort of anthology style as we get to know the characters. Hope you enjoy!)

5. A Favor For A Friend

Trinity leaned back on his couch with a groan, hovering over the ‘send’ button on his chat screen. This had to be the weirdest last resort ever, but this week had been yet another lesson in how not to have a social life in your 20s, by well known business mogul Trinity Jericho. Sure, he and Azure had been talking for some time now, ever since she fixed his eye, and sure, he was starting to consider her perhaps the closest friend he had, but that didn’t make his request any less strange. Still, it was either this, or pay a literal spy to come with him. His younger sister Adriel had offered, in return for as many juice pouches as she wanted, but that likely would have raised more rumors than it put to rest, and that would defeat the whole purpose of this crazy plan. He sighed, speaking aloud to his empty office. “I can’t send this message.”

A quiet ding from his screen’s voice control. He hadn’t realized it was on. “Message sent.”

“Fuck.”

Azure’s response was nearly instantaneous. 

[Azure] You want me to dress up and go to some fancy shindig with you?

[Azure] Is the theme of the night bad dates with lacking manners? Surely you’ve got better options, dude. No hot supermodels? Cool alien mistresses? Long lost childhood friends you’ve been forlorn about losing since they moved away, but you just saw them at the supermarket and now your whole world is changing?

    A pause.

[Azure] Ignore that last one, that’s the plot of a book I’ve been reading.

Trinity chuckled despite himself. The manners issue had, in fact, been one of his many worries about this whole request. But he couldn’t back out now.

[Hotshot] I’m not going to dignify most of those questions with a response. It was this or pay my 13 year old sister in juice pouches, and that’ll raise more questions than it settles. I promise it’s a one time thing-- I just need the Polinskis to stop throwing their daughter at me.

 He paused, biting the inside of his lip as he debated once more if this was actually a good idea.

[Hotshot] You don’t have to. I know you’re not experienced with this kind of event, or this kind of society.

Azure read the message and sat back in her chair, thinking. She hated fancy parties, they required being stuffy and shoved into dresses that wouldn’t last eight seconds in her lab before getting too dirty to ever wear again, and rich people liked to smell like weird fruit these days along with being judgemental to a degree that gave her hives to think about. But still, Trinity had been growing on her these last few months. Maybe once wouldn’t kill her, if it made his life a little easier. She was nothing if not a giver, and it would give her an excuse to use some fun experimental tech she’d been hoping to test out.

[Azure] Yeah, I'll suffer through it once. You owe me, though. I'll have my brother whip up somethin' for us to wear. You think a MiZara original will sell the ludicrous idea that I'm in any way fancy, or am I gonna have to read up on shrimp forks to pass?

    Trinity couldn’t quite stop himself from sighing in relief. She hadn’t said no.

[Hotshot] You’re right, I owe you. Thanks.

Message sent and one more stressor out of the way, although he still wasn’t sure this wasn’t going to come back to bite him later, possibly in the form of Azzy being… well, herself, in high society. There was a lot he would have to teach her, and not nearly enough time to do it. He read over her message again with a sigh. At least she was taking care of the… dress?

Azure’s screen displayed the message ‘Hotshot is typing’ for 30 seconds. A minute. Two.

Ping.

[Hotshot] Wait, MIZARA?

He could practically hear her peal of laughter at his moment of realization.

[Azure] My last name is Zaraya. I already told you my brother was a designer. I thought you'd’ve put two and two together by now, hotshot, what happened to that mastermind brain of yours?

Trinity shook his head bemusedly as he typed, even though she couldn’t see it. 

[Hotshot] You’re the one who always says I think about nothing except work. Anyway, I have suits, I don’t want to owe you any more than I already do for making you wear a dress.

[Azure] If you think he’s gonna let us go without matching, you’re outta your mind and also you clearly do not know my brother.

 Azure sighed as the message whooshed away. They had a lot of ground to cover if she didn’t want to ruin her buddy’s reputation on sight. Cover stories and false names and back up plans, along with how to walk in heels and other weird things that she was definitely not suited for. 

[Azure] Alright hotshot, tell me everything I need to be a high society girlfriend. Crimson can help me brush up on manners, but we might want a plan. I haven’t been on a date in ages, can’t say I recall how they work.

[Hotshot] I have a plan, don’t worry. But you don’t have to play a *girlfriend.* I’m not going to ask you to closet yourself for this.

[Azure] Nah, it’s cool. If I’m not acting like a whole different person, it won’t stick, and then I’ll do something dumb and ruin the whole thing. Plus the idea of coming out to a whole lot of new people all night gives me hives. Now c’mon, gimme the rules. I have flashcards to make.

Trinity couldn’t blame her for that. For all that he liked to keep his personal life very, well, personal, he had taken a chance and corrected someone as to his sexuality once. To one person. At the next event, half of his contacts were throwing double the children at him, now aware that men and women were both fair game. The other half had mostly made some inane reference to him being a “player” or the obligatory threesome joke, and a few had awkwardly avoided him ever since-- which he honestly couldn’t complain about. He’d honestly prefer more of his acquaintances to be the specific brand of biphobic that meant they’d leave him alone. 

Reading over Azure’s message one more time, he stifled a tiny chuckle. Flashcards, for the rules of dating in society? At least his next event would be entertaining.

Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @glitterandstarshine @rainbowcoloreddays @the-starlight-chills @erased-in-stone

General: @elywritesbydarkness @residentofthedisc @humour-and-hyperfocus @skyfirewrites

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #wip: babylon #chapter update #babylon #trinity

[markword]

Summary: You have had a crush on Jungkook since forever ago, but he’s changed and so have you. But when you get closer to him-in a different way than expected-feelings start to come out of the dark.

What’s in this bitch: swearing, SMUT, and a lil but of spice✨✨

Side note: this is my first fanfic, so plz be nice and enjoy!! She’s a long one so get comfy and get somethin to eat and get your playlist ready ✌🏼and there will be typing errors so ignore dem por favor

WITHOUT FURTHER ADUE::::

The echoes of your footsteps drilled into your head at an annoying volume. It didn't help that your heart was incessantly pounding either. You sweep by the empty classrooms, books laying on the floor, sprawled out in a hurry. The paper in your hand was nearly as wrinkled as your shirt, picked straight out of your hamper due to the lack of time and lack of any better ideas. The bell rings and kids start to spill out of every classroom, almost taking you off your track. the bell left an annoying buzz in your ears that kept you charging forward. No one has ever given you a note, not in the four years of highschool. The note was battered and slightly torn from your fidgety hands toying with the edges all day. You'd only read it once, out of fear that if you read it again, it wouldn't say the same thing;

Go to the main entrance after last period.

I'll be waiting.

j.k.

your heart couldn't help but flutter when you first opened the tightly folded note. you couldn't help but think of who sent it to you. He was always on your radar, but not in the romantic sense. You knew it was Jeon Jungkook because of the way the words were scribbled on the paper and obviously, how he closed the short note with his long lived nickname, ¨jk. He was always quiet and reserved in middle school, which would be his defining trait until sophomore year rolled around. rumors upon rumors built up about him, almost taking you off your feet when you first heard them. Jungkook, the quiet and sweet kid you basically grew up with through school, caught with a girl in a school bathroom? for some reason, the rumors were never proven but something about how he swayed when he walked and looked at girls for a split millisecond had them planning baby names. He had silently nudged you toward the conclusion that they were undoubtedly true. The hardest part about seeing his personality take a 180 was the fact that your secret but not so secret crush on him in middle school had quite nearly been strangled to death by the man that stood waiting for you, at the main entrance.

As your pace slowed, your ears and lungs caught up. you knew you were near the main entrance, but you couldn't see over the rushing flow of students going to and fro. you catch a glimpse of the top of his head, and miraculously, he notices you too.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't still have a little thing for him.

you couldn't help it. Maybe it was more of an instinctual hormonal pull, but he was easy on the eyes and in a rugged way, almost dreamy.

His longer dark brown hair, pulled into a small bun, perched on top of his head. his loose black v neck hanging dangerously against his strict collarbones. his baggy grey joggers molded to all the right places but still looking stylishly comfy.

you stride closer to him, and see that he was making small talk with a fragile blonde girl. He erupts into laughter, showcasing his devilish smile. which was always accompanied by his cute dimples. one of the reasons you became so hopelessly in love with him in middle school was that sweet and sour smile of his. You couldn't help but look for it every once and a while in class. You slowly approach him, giving him enough time to wrap up his previous conversation.

"Oh, hey Y/N. Sorry to leave a mysterious note like that" he smiled with his eyes, making the apology that much harder to not accept (although it was a pain in the ass)

"It's really okay. Why'd you want to meet here though? I haven't talked to you for a while"

"That's not true I talk to you everyday in class" he smiled, but it was obvious he was poking fun at you and your nervousness about being there with him. He had to admit, it was a little suspicious.

"Well, what is it then?" you were starting to get impatient, letting your temper mixed with your short attention span to get ahold of you. which of course, didn't go unnoticed by Jungkook.

"Iwas absent yesterday for that chem quiz. can you tell me what's on it? I know you’re smart and you understood the material really well."

You were definitely infuriated, knowing this could've been sent by text or even asked in the fleeting moments after class. you see him at least 5 seperate times a day, why a stupid fucking note to some clandestine meeting?

"Jeon, couldn't you have just texted me? But yeah, Iremember a few questions it wasn't that hard." You were dying for an explanation, but the way his face went blank and uninviting, was enough to gather the realization that you weren't getting one.

"Im taking the makeup test in 10 minutes. Do you think I could cram the answers in time?"

Of course he could. He was insanely and almost annoyingly smart. but just like his soft nature, that disappeared over summer break before sophomore year.

He sent you off with a quick thanks and then casually turned his heels to walk to the chem classroom. Once he left, you started to realize the strangeness of it all. He could've asked anyone in Chem 2, but he asked YOU? With a note to meet nonetheless. thinking about it gave you a headache, so once you turned on your car to go home, you started to think about what songs to play and what dinner will be instead. The car ride home was uneventfully blissful, the usual weird seat dancing and emotional signing to your favorite car songs.

You walk in the door with an exaggerated "humphf" when setting down your backpack to go look in the fridge to look for a snack you knew wasn't there. Your phone vibrates on your kitchen table and slightly annoyed you at how it proceeded to rumble loudly against the flat surface. You pick it up only to see that Jungkook had sent you a post on instagram with another message that read;

jungkook:Thanks for helping today, here's this to show my thanks

it was a distorted meme that you'd seen hundreds of times before, but its humor ran out after the second time it beamed on your screen. It surprised you that he sent a meme, but it surprised you even more to get another taste of the old Jungkook you knew. The one who would thank you for helping him out, and seem genuinely thankful. Sometimes you’d catch yourself stealing fleeting glimpses of him in class. you'd often try to pick up on his new tendencies and see some of his old, but comforting ones. He would also space out in middle school, leaving his notebooks riddled with doodles and scribbles to keep himself awake. Just two days ago, he was in a lab with you and you couldn't help but glance at his notebook for a split second; graffitied with little faces and tiny but strategic and pleasing scribbles. You're still looking blankly at the screen, sure that he noticed the "seen" under his texts a while ago.

you: Of course j.k. Ibet you aced it anyways

All of this weird and sudden contact had your head in a whirl. Too many questions and literally no answers. you thought it best to leave it alone for now. But he didn't.

_______________________________________________

You don't remember when you dozed off exactly, but you knew it was a good night's sleep when you woke up with a dry mouth and a full bladder. You groan and reach for one of the countless half filled water bottles on your nightstand. Huh? a sock?

"Whatever, Ihave to pee" you mutter to yourself. for a moment you didn't realize your deep and groggy voice.

"Wait, what" There it is again! you've never sounded this dead in the morning, even when you were hungover after your wildest night out. You finally flicker your eyes open only to be met by an unfamiliar ceiling fan and light grey walls. You rush to sit up. Something wasn't right. you look down and almost scream.

"Where are my boobs?!" your hands shoot reflexively to your chest, where they always are and are met with a dull smack as your hands hit complete flatness. You scurry out of the unfamiliar, but disgustingly messy bed and dart your eyes to find a mirror. It was weirdly easy to get up and dash to the mirror in the small bathroom to your right considering it wasn't your body you were in.

You stood panting in front of the mirror to see Jungkooks face staring back.

"What in the FUC-"

_______________________________________________

Jungkook sorta remembers when he went to bed. By sorta he means he knew it was between 8 PM and 1 AM. He's not good at remembering things, besides, he's already up now. He cracks his neck and instinctively reaches his hand down his boxer shorts.

"Where is my-" he suddenly feels his arm push against something warm on his chest while he extended his arm to find what was there just last night. He grabs the foriegn object on his chest, anxious to grab something since his usual apparently isn't there right now. Is this a boob? It was a boob. he reached up to mimic his other hand. and there's TWO? of course there he knew that. He'd seen plenty of them, but feeling them on himself? Hell no. THAT'S never happened before. He sat up, hands still clenched around the annoyingly loose bra that covered-well-HIS tits. His face went tense as he looked for a mirror. He slowly approached the mirror hanging on the door, hoping to not be met with one of his drunken hookups that could've been a witch for all he knows. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Y/N?! Damn. well, she has nice tits, I have to give her that."

——————————————————————————

You both immediately shot a text to each other, hoping it wasn't a dream, because if it was, you'd both look like idiots. But after telling eachother what happened when they woke up, (Jungkook left out the whole boob ordeal) and you decided to skip school today and sneak out of the house to meet and try to figure out what happened last night.

After throwing on something Jungkook might wear, you couldn't help but notice his figure staring back at you. He really was handsome. You flashed a beefy smile at the mirror and stayed smiling after seeing his signature but memorable smile. You finally talked his mom into letting you stay home just 30 minutes ago, with jungkook in an earbud listening and telling you the best way to make his mom cave. You were slightly annoyed when he said that all he had to do was say he felt sick and your mom was already convinced. It was still uncomfortable hearing your voice through the phone. you sounded really stupid on the phone. you decided to meet at a park close to both your house and his to figure it all out and how to undo it. You had a hard time figuring out how to drive his car but ended up to the park in one piece. well, Jungkook arrived in one piece. there was still no sign of your body yet. Your car comes screeching to a halt next to you before you see your body get out of the car in rage and slam the car door shut.

"Be careful with her she's old" you whine, referring to your beaten up and chipped car.

"Shut up and follow me. We gotta be alone." He grabs your arm and pulls you farther into the park and only loosened his grip when there were less than 5 people around.

"What the fuck happened, Y/N? This is freaking me out. How does this shit even happen? And why me and yo-"

"No, you shut up you're making me dizzy. I don't know my answer for all of those questions. oh god, what do we do at school? AT HOME? WHEN I HAVE TO PEE?" You almost choke on your breath thinking about going to the bathroom with a whole different set of tools.

"I don't know Y/N... I mean I could help you practice..." He reaches down toward your crotch-no- HIS crotch and you flick him away with wide eyes and a blazing stare back at him.

"This isn't a joke, Jungkook. What do we do?" you swallow heavily and look back at your body through his eyes.

"Ew. If I'd known that's what I look like I would just wear baggy sweats everyday..." you whisper it to yourself but since you were both so quiet and focused in thought, he heard it.

"Oh shut up you have a great body, Y/N."

"Did you LOOK? I didn't look, I thought it would be rude. wait-DID YOU LOOK YES OR NO?" you did look. He just doesn't need to know and wouldn't help your case any.

"Of course I did. nice tits by the way." he winked and cracked his neck again. you were too much in a daze thinking about how someone else had seen you naked. JUNGKOOK has seen you naked. Did he just say; nice tits? That doesn't matter, we need to figure this out before you cut off his dick for looking at you.

"We need to figure this out right now." you weren't kidding. if he touched your boobs that would be enough to commit manslaughter. it didn't matter if it was actually you that you were killing.

"We can go to my place now. Let's get something to eat. My mom wont think twice about me having a girl over anyways. She won't bat an eye and she'll leave us alone. Just tell her that we are both sick and want to study to catch up since its convenient. Its our best option." He cracked you a smirk, sending shivers down your spine. it was him alright, just in your body. You get up and start walking towards your beat up car out of habit to leave until he grabs your arm, almost jerking you so hard you would've fallen on your ass.

"Damn Y/N, your body is pretty strong. Stronger than you were in middle school. But lets take my car. I'll drive."

You couldn't help but blush at him mentioning middle school. I guess he really did pay attention to you back then. Your thoughts immediately hone in on memories of gym class when you'd be the best playing any activity and you embarrassed the boys in front of their respective crushes. you couldn't help but let out a little giggle, sounding even better when it came out as Jungkook's grisly and low voice. You settle in the car, and fidget with the seatbelts and keep your head glued on the dashboard to avoid any eye contact just in case you were still blushing. jungkook lets out an audible sigh before turning the keys in the ignition and putting the car in reverse. You couldn't help but look at him, sitting in your body, as he put an arm out behind your headrest to backout. He flickers his eyes between you and behind the car.

"Its so weird seeing my body like this, like from another perspective," you could resonate with what he said, especially since he's manhandling a car with legs wide open, but he looks like you at the same time. "I wonder what I look like during sex..." he mutters the last part under his breath and chuckles, part of him hoping that you would hear.

"Just ask one of your many lady friends, Jungkook. I'm sure they'd love to tell you all about it." You scoff. How could he change so much from the boy you were infatuated with? He was the same in small ways, but barely. It made you sad and frustrated when you realized that you secretly hoped he'd be the same around you after all these years.

"I could. But right now, I'm not exactly myself." You both reach to turn on the radio to drown out the awkward tension that seemed to have seeped in the car. You back off since it technically is his car anyways. He puts on one of his playlists and the first song starts to play. Its not rap and you're almost surprised. But you've known since middle school that he likes more indie and classic rock than anything else. You put your window down and look out with an elbow grasing the bottom of the window, and your hand finding its way to your hair. Well, Jungkook’s hair. Soft. You turn to look at the song name and realize jungkook is glaring at you. You never knew your face could look so scary.

"Don't feel pressured to act any different. Just be you and act normal, even if you want to touch my hair." He snickered and shot his eyes back on the road, making a smooth right turn at the light you'd been stopped at.

"Its a habit. Besides, you've seen me naked Jungkook, who cares if Iaccidentally touch your hair?" you had started to become more and more angry at his annoyingly hot voice. Just by hearing it in classes, you felt a tinge of wetness down under. But you're sure its just because of his voice, right?

"Am I wet right now? Is this what it feels like?" He chuckled so hard and loud you almost see your soul shoot out of the car and get run over. What the fuck do you even say to that? You had an idea as to why it happened but what do you say to jungkook?

He's still laughing a little when he shoots up straight in his seat.

"I know what it is Y/N, you think I'm SEXY."

you gulp. you decide that staying quiet is your best option, the one that will make you look less flustered and more cool about him calling you out.

"You know, Ihad a huge crush on you in middle school. It was almost embarrassing. I think I wrote you a love letter one time but I never gave it to you. You were such a player back then." He chuckles again, but softer this time. He confessed something embarrassing to get the conversation away from the obvious pool of wetness between his legs. YOUR legs.

"I did too." you mumble still looking out the window, trying to hide your excitement at his confession. you were happy but, that was a long time ago anyways. It didn't really matter now.

"Would you look at that, maybe we found out why we switched bodies." His facial expression was flat, almost bored looking. you both sat in silence until he pulled the car into the unfamiliar driveway you left this morning. You get out of the car and he reaches for the door and tells you to make yourself at home, as a joke, of course. To anyone else looking at you two, you were Jungkook, and this in fact, was your house.

"Maybe if we confess our past feelings, we will switch back. That’s the only thing I can think of anyways. You cool with that?" He was pouring himself a glass of apple juice and he set it down on the counter to get another glass for you.

"Yeah why not." you sipped slowly on the cold drink as he led you up the stairs to his room. You settle down on his bed facing each other, almost looking like two young girls at a sleepover talking about their celebrity crushes. you were both sitting with your legs folded and leaning in toward each other, a weirdly comfortable position for the both of you.

"You first." he grumbles with a cheesy smirk.

"Okay," you take a deep breath to collect your thoughts, "I liked you from 5th to 8th grade."

"That's it? I think we need a little more since we are still staring at our own bodies across from us." he was rocking side to side trying to conjure up any thoughts on how to fix your strange situation.

"Maybe we should kiss." He leans forward, which you dodge at the speed of light.

"What are you doing Jungkook?!" Your eyes wide open and stomach fluttering.

"Maybe this is how the spell thingy breaks, it makes sense."

He's right, If the reason you were stuck looking at yourself from this perspective was that you needed to confess and makeout, then so be it. You'd try anything at this point. You missed your own bed. He charges in closer to you slower this time and grabs your face. the way he was using your lips made it impossible to notice how quickly you'd shut your eyes. You opened them to see Jungkook staring at you with wide puppy dog eyes.

"Hell yes I'm back bitche-" He quickly silenced you with another kiss. I worked? You were sure you’d live out your days in another body. But you weren’t mad that his first idea worked out. But you weren’t about to keep your mind on the subject, Jungkook was millimeters away from you with his taunting lips. This kiss was more passionate and more eager. Your legs went limp, and your face set ablaze at Jungkook's fluid and sexy motions against you. He pokes his tongue at your lips, asking if he could enter. You quickly let him roam around your mouth, leaving you breathless and seeing stars. He slides his hands down from your face and traces the outer line of your figure, leaving goosebumps in their wake. you could feel the pool between your legs as your thighs began to quiver under his careful and strategic touch. He shifts you down, so that you're on your back and he is using an arm to support himself above you. you let out a needy whimper and you finally move your arms down his chest to trace his undoubtedly hot body. he flinched when you stopped at his waistband, and you were left just toying with the elastic until he forcefully pulled your shirt off your body, only leaving mere seconds between the deepening kiss. Neither of you were ready to stop. You could feel your body start to heat up against his and he slowly moved his waist into yours at a steady rhythm. you could feel his apparent erection glide across your thighs with every motion. You could feel the heat escape your core when you opened your legs farther, hoping he'd get the hint to touch you where you wanted him the most. You wanted his hands everywhere, but your arousal was too hot and strong to ignore for much longer. He slowly navigated his kiss downward, taking extra care of your neck, sure to leave a couple marks in his wake. once he reached your chest, with your bra still clinging on with the sheen of sweat you both worked up. As he moves his hands to hold you still, they rest on your hips with a tender but strong grip, willing you not to squirm under his touch. He started to kiss along the edge of your bra, frequently nibbling at the tender skin that lay beneath. He was taking his time of course, he'd been wondering what touching you and making you all worked up like this felt. He'd often steal glances at you in class, never letting go of his childish middle school crush. He'd accepted that he'd always feel something toward you, what that was he was unsure. But having you under him, and your back arching your chest towards him made him hungry. He knew he would never get you out of his head after this.

You take your arms behind your back and unclasp your bra hoping he would fasten up and make your horniness subside. He immediately grabs onto one and closes in on the other with tender kisses, licking around your nipple just to hear your sighs that turned into moans between his needy lips.

"Please Jung-" you whine trying to push yourself into him closer. you wanted to be swallowed into this moment. The tension was released, and god did it feel good. He cut you off with a strong and lasting rub against your core, just making you want to whine for more. He was rock hard, so the only thing he accomplished was making you shut up and making you kiss harder and your grip on his hips tighter. He finally slid his hands slowly up the inside of your thigh and his slender but strong fingers snaked their way under the thin cloth that was sticking to your folds. He took a deep and exaggerated swipe across your center, making you shiver with pleasure.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of that," he said, flashing a smile smile in between kisses on your neck.

"Just put it in already I'm dying here..."

With your words, he swiped off his shirt and pulled his pants down, showcasing the famous bounce as his erection springs out of his loose pants. his fingers wrapped around the fabric of your shorts, playing and twisting at them with want. He pulled them down slowly, propping your leg on the bed before throwing the soaking shorts somewhere on the floor. He pushed your thigh open with his now faster motions of his thigh, trying to get more friction against you. You whimper and reach for his erection. before you could fully palm it, he suddenly stopped and stared down at you, trying to catch his breath that had been sucked up by your deep kiss. He slid his thumb across your lower lip.

"Not yet Y/N. Let me do this first. I promise I’ll get to that in a minute." you watch him utter his words in a growl as he slowly drags his soft lips downwards between your breasts and then your stomach before his messy black hair is level with your core.

"I'll be gentle. Tell me if you want to stop at any time, Y/N."

You weren't expecting him to be gentle, or even offer an out for you. All the rumors of him being a brute and rough when it comes to sex and intimacy. You could see the old parts of Jungkook shining through. before you could think about it anything else he pressed his lips against you, lips pursed around your clit. a shake engulfed you, sending shivers up your spine and out of your mouth as a long moan. his tongue grazed over every inch of your center at least 3 times before he started to slow down and suck on your clit, leaving you able to feel every vibration of his ruffled moans against you. before you could recognize that you were almost at the peak of gushing-

"Are you still okay, baby?"

"Y-Yes. Oh GOD!" he had pushed two fingers into you, making you buck your hips into him. He grabbed your thigh with his other hand, silently telling you to stop letting your reactions distract him from the task at hand. Literally. He curls his fingers upward and moves slowly, applying just enough pressure to make your eyes roll back into your head, but gentle enough to keep you just below the line that would make it hurt. He was taking care of you, just like he said. You couldn't help but let your mind wander to his various conquests as he quite literally lapped at you like a starved man. Did he treat them like this? Was he this sweet but seductive with everyone? Are you the first to be thinking about this? His nibble at your folds broke you out of your daze. It doesn't matter now anyways, he was with you and he was good at making you feel good. Just keep going, you thought. It only took another nibble and his tongue in your heat to make you start to see a light.

"Jung- I'm-" you squealed. He just kept going, knowing that what he was doing was the ticket to your long anticipated orgasm. You quickly find yourself grabbing at his head of hair, just to help yourself ride out your climax. You feel the wet drip out of you, and Jungkook's tongue licking it up with lustful motions. Once he cleaned you up to his liking he lifted his head to look at you. Your eyes closed, chest heaving, and sweat making your face gleam. You really were beautiful, he thought to himself. But he wasn't done with you yet. He leaned over you and moved the baby hairs stuck on your face to the side. His doe eyes were searing into you, making you shift under him. You brought your hands up to rest on his chest. He really was beautiful, you thought to yourself. But you weren't done with him yet.

"Let me get a condom. Or are you on the pill? Its up to you, whatever you're comfortable with, baby." His term of endearment took you by surprise, but it didn't feel weird coming from his mouth, almost natural to him. You liked it, it even made your stomach hollow with excitement, but you'd never tell him that.

"I'm on the pill. I don't mind at all jungkook." His grin leaked into a smile, that adorable, sexy smile of his. it practically taunted you, knowing that his now stretched out lips were pressed up against you just mere minutes ago. You watched as he finally pulled down his boxers, allowing his painfully hard erection bounce out. The head, red and angry with understimulation, with beads of precum trickling down his length. He was big, just like the rumors had said, but you weren't expecting that he'd have the perfect length and girth. You knew after you felt him, it would be hard to go back. Especially since just his lips and tongue made you feel something you'd never felt before, something you'd think about at night while you played with yourself.

"Are you ready? I'll be careful with you if you're worried that it might hurt." He sat next to you on the bed, looking for any sign of regret in your eyes. Instead, he found your hungry eyes looking him up and down, completely naked in front of you.

"Don't hold back Jungkook, if we are going to do this I want to feel everything." You could barely focus on anything other than him. His abs, and the way they flexed when he let out a guttural laugh. His Adam's apple, that bobbed up and down when he would talk to you. His long, messy black hair, and how it framed his face. His rosy lips and how they pouted when he wasn't talking. Everything about the man sitting next to you was perfect. His features were just the same as they were back in middle school, but they became more mature and more sexy than cute.

"I'm excited to feel you around me Y/N. I've been thinking about what it would be like, and now you're here, and you're all mine." he uttered before leaning in for a soft kiss, making it easier to hide your face that was obviously blushing at his words.

"If you don't want me to hold back, Iwont" he whispers into your ear, making you wet all over again. His hand found your thigh amid deep kisses, and pushed it farther so he could fit himself between your thighs, allowing his erection to slowly graze over your dripping center with every motion. After Jungkook gathered enough of your arousal on himself, he decided it was enough to allow him to easily slip into you and lose himself in you. You grabbed his hip, angling him parallel to your body, begging him to ease himself into you.

"Please Jungkook..." you whine again.

before you could finish your sentence you felt his tip graze your entrance, teasing you with the heat. He was STILL teasing you? You grip your arms around his torso and force him closer, automatically pushing his length into you, but still not bottomed out yet. He was big and you wondered if you could realistically fit all of him in you. As soon as you pull him closer, Jungkook loudly grunts and shoots his head back at how well you fit around him.

"You feel so good Y/N." He breathes, starting to pump in and out of your heat. He didn't hesitate to throw your leg over his shoulder, allowing him further access into you. Within seconds he finds your g-spot, (he figured it was there since you let out ungodly moans when he hit it) and continues to hit it with each thrust. Each thrust was greeted with a slapping noise and the sounds of your arousal being moved around by Jungkook. His thrusts became more slowed, but deeper, grazing your cervix. The stretch that once felt uncomfortable started to feel pleasurable.

"Right there Jungkook, please don't-" you were too out of breath to even finish your sentence.

Jungkooks heavy breathing would've sent you over the edge right then and there, but he somehow kept you from coming to elongate the feeling of you around him, filling up his senses. His thrusts started to get sloppier, but still had a lustful drive in them. He shot his arm up to the wall, giving him support against his fastened pace. He grunts and shoots the other hand to use his thumb to circle around your clit, making you arch towards his touch.

"I'm gonna-" he spits out, clenching his jaw.

Not long after he warned you, you felt him throb against your insides, a warm pool filling you up. Just the sounds of Jungkook as he released into you was enough to make you follow suit not long after him since he rode his high within you.

"Sorry Ijust-" you put your finger up to his plumped lips to make him shut up.

"Don't say sorry Jungkook, It was perfect. Maybe too perfect..." you look to the side to avoid his taunting gaze. But he grabs your chin and demands for eye contact.

"I've had my eye on you since middle school, Y/N. And Iintend to keep it that way," He kisses your forehead before he gets up and throws you a hoodie that smelled like him.

"Get up butthead, we are getting icecream." he says through his stupid little grin.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

May I ask why you're so against rachel bilson? It's just that I know absolutely nothing about her and from and outsider persepctive she seems like a regularly nice person

Hi, yes! I apologize in advance, this is super long I’m afraid!

So first of all, I want to make it VERY clear that I don’t endorse sending hate to people, even if you despise them, and I am not intending to spam any social media she may have with hate because that’s simply inexcusable.

So here’s the thing: the whole thing just personally leaves a bad taste in my mouth because they had a sex scene years ago in a film that was directed by Bill’s ex-wife, Maggie Carey. It just really weirds me out because that was several years ago, and obviously I don’t know Maggie beyond the fact she’s a director and was married to Bill, but if I were her I’d be more than a little pissed off because I’d be wondering if my husband had been seeing this woman the entire time. I don’t think Bill is the type but I frankly don’t know him personally and who knows? It just seems a little tasteless in a way, but hey whatever.

Firstly, in literally every photo I’ve seen of them together - grocery shopping, golden globes etc, - they both look like they’d rather be anywhere else. Especially tonight, you can see in videos when they turn away from the cameras, their smiles vanish and they look (for lack of a better description) kind of constipated. I know Bill has bad anxiety so that could be part of the reason, I don’t know. But it looks like they’re not even trying - he smiled much more genuinely when with his ex. You can tell when someone is half assing their smile and when it’s genuine, especially in their eyes or the way they’re smiling.

I’ve been having a twitter conversation with someone, they messaged me wanting to talk about the whole thing, and I’ve been discussing it with them for a few days now. Disclaimer here that I already knew this person because I spoke to them about a month or so ago because their friend met PJ at a comic con and she (the twitter girl) was talking about it, so we already knew of each other before this whole ordeal. Recently, however, they’ve been telling me stuff and showing me tweets/photos/stuff about R*chel and, hey, maybe I’m only seeing what they want me to see? Who knows? I’m not saying my impression that I have of her is the correct one, just my own personal impression thus far.

The first thing we noticed was the sheer amount of paparazzi photos and news stories. I have never seen someone be photographed so damn often while out shopping - so far in the last week alone, RB has been papped near enough every day. No one gets papped that often by accident. The person I spoke with on twitter informed me that it’s always the same people (backgrid) and that she’s probably calling them herself. Not even the kids from Stranger Things/Harry Potter get photographed this much, and they are WAY more famous and in demand than her*. This week alone it’s been grocery shopping (w/ Bill), then going out to lunch with her friends, then shopping for furnishings, and THEN lunch with her mother. All in the same week. This isn’t just a her thing, it’s in general, but no one cares if actors are shopping for shit or going out to lunch with their mothers, it’s really not exciting or interesting. So yeah, there seems to be some question as to whether or not she’s phoning the paparazzi herself.

*I had literally never heard of her before being a fan of Bill so... 🤷🏼‍♀️ She’s definitely not as famous as the ST kids are right now

Also, it’s interesting that in the eleven years he was married to Maggie, and in even the last few years where he’s really started to pick up career wise, he has hardly been photographed by paparazzi in public. The only time I can think of is when he was filming IT Chapter 2 and that was because it’s a major film and they were shooting outside in costume. There could be more but I doubt there’s loads going around. So yeah, I find it kinda questionable that only now is he getting papped this regularly.

Not only do I think calling the paparazzi on yourself is vain and straight up thirsty for attention, but if that IS the case (and I’m not saying it is), it’s incredibly disgusting to do that whilst out with someone who has REALLY bad panic attacks and social anxiety. You can see it in his face that he’s pissed off and annoyed about it.

This person I spoke with also made some remarks regarding both of their kids with other people. Apparently the only time RB ever goes out with her kid is to get them photographed with her or something, and that she’s literally never with her daughter. This could be bullshit for all I know. I haven’t really researched her daughter because, frankly, that would be creepy and I also don’t really care about her enough to give a shit.

We know that Bill has 3 daughters, and it just strikes me as odd that he made a big fuss about how he only saw them 5 days in summer of 2018 (due to Barry and IT filming) and how he was crying over it, and “I’m going to spend more time with my kids 😭” but then...you get a girlfriend instead? And you spend time with them instead? And even when I first read the interview where he said about missing his kids, like...dude, come on. That’s your own fault, no one is making you stay away from the kids, you and your wife have joint custody. In comparison also to RB, who’s kid is seemingly papped quite a bit with her, I’ve literally seen maybe two or three occasions where one of Bill’s kids have been papped, like that’s it. And that’s how it should be frankly.

Back to the person I spoke with, they have a friend in Tulsa who was there around the time the two were spotted at Starbucks together, and here’s apparently the tea: Bill apparently got coffee alone quite a few times, she arrived in Tulsa, they got coffee, and then she left Tulsa after like a day. This person’s friend said that they weren’t holding hands, and they barely even looked at each other the whole time. This is a kind of “her friend’s brother’s wife’s cousin” thing and could be false, however. And I honestly think that if you’ve got 3 kids and you make a HUGE fuss over not getting to see them because of YOUR work schedule, then you should be spending Christmas with them and NOT with your new side chick. The same goes for RB - if she was in Tulsa over Christmas, why was she not with her own kid?

There’s a whole kettle of accusations that could or could not be true about both of them frankly; she’s using him to restart her career, he’s insecure and he’s being taken advantage of, she’ll probably get his kids papped, blah blah blah. This honestly could be total bullshit so who the fuck knows at this point. The whole getting together before awards season as well is so obvious, like so many couples do that for good publicity during this time of year and it’s frankly laughable. It’s the same kind of situation as the Alison Sudol/David Harbour situation two years ago - they stepped out together at the Golden Globes etc. And look how that turned out!

And, to be honest, I get feelings about people. You know how sometimes you just get a feeling about someone and you try to push it aside but it gnaws at you? Yeah. It’s not concrete evidence but I’ll be honest, 97% of the time I’ve found that if I have a feeling about a person, I’m at least somewhat right. I had a gut feeling when the whole nonsense about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard started, and even when I was abused and harassed over it, I knew my gut was telling me that it was BS because it just didn’t feel right. And it turns out I was right in that case because it’s now come out that Heard was abusing him and that she’s almost certainly been lying the entire time about being abused. But I digress, I’m not here to talk about that. I don’t know why but I get a bad feeling/vibe about RB and, hey, I could be totally wrong, nothing is ever 100%! But right now that’s the vibe I get and i tend to go with what that gut feeling is telling me.

And before the accusations of “you’re just a bitter jealous fan” come flooding in (as they inevitably will), I can promise you that is not the case. I make jokes about being thirsty and shit, but that’s all they are - jokes. Come on, I’m 22 next week, do you really think I want to hook up with a 41 year old with 3 kids?? 😂 And besides that, there have been MANY actors I either crush on or admire who are either in relationships or married, and because I’m an adult I can respect that. Hell, most of the time, I start stanning their partner too! There’s literally only ever been one occasion where I had a crush on an actor and didn’t like the person they’re (now) married to, and that’s because I didn’t like her as a person. I can respect that they’re married and I wish them all the luck, but given that it’s been nearly 9 years now and I still don’t particularly like her (and I don’t crush on said actor now), it’s definitely not a “fangirl crush” thing. It’s just that sometimes you don’t like certain people - maybe you disagree with their views, their behavior, or maybe you just don’t like the vibe they give off. You can’t like everyone, and you can’t be liked by everyone, that’s just how it is.

So, to conclude, I want to just make it clear that while I’m not a fan, honestly all the power to them, like Bill is a grown ass man, he can do whatever he wants with his life for all I care, he doesn’t need fangirls online rushing to defend him or baby him. As Mrs Brown from Mrs Brown’s Boys said... “it’s your life, love, you’re entitled to fuck it up however you please”. (I’m not saying he IS fucking up his life, on the contrary he’s doing very well for himself, it’s just a saying)

#its nearly 5am and i drank too much im going to bed #asks

[quinn-firethief]

I’m Really Hurt {1/5}

Quinn's last friend leaves him. He's not surprised.

He hits his lowest, and Professor Cyrus is the only one around to pull him back to his feet.

TW: Alcoholism, character death (mentioned), depression, and PTSD.

Another Warning: I don’t drink. I’m only eighteen. (Not that I’m shaming those who do! It's just not my thing for personal reasons :)) I did some research and people were saying that they can handle a whole bottle, others were saying they couldn’t handle even a few shots of it. My thought process is that Quinn has been drinking, especially Fireball, for a good two, three months. He has a good resistance built up. That being said he chugs a whole bottle in literal minutes, but that won’t come without consequences. Just stick around and stay patient with me, and if anyone has any tips for writing characters that are drinking, please message me!

It happened while they were dueling for the fifth time. Professor Cyrus—whom Quinn started to just call Cyrus behind his back after he kicks his ass for the third Saturday in a row—and Quinn had been doing this for a month and one week, meeting every Saturday without fail. Quinn always brought some Fireball Whiskey for them to fight over. He usually had a few gulps before Cyrus would show up to pull out his wand and begin the duel without a word. Quinn wasn’t sure what Cyrus was doing with the alcohol, he didn’t seem like the type to drink whiskey. Quite a few times he had caught Quinn off guard and pulled him off into a battle sigil and made him drop the bottle in the process, which would cause most, if not all, of the alcohol to spill. It was such a waste, and it really pissed Quinn off. He started getting smaller and cheaper bottles just for these duels. They did enough to occupy his time while he was walking to the usual spot.

That night, he arrived at his dorm rather late. He had been doing that a lot lately. He couldn’t stand being in the dorm, not when it had some of his most cherished memories about his best friend. The late nights spent talking instead of studying or sleeping, how they would have playdates with their little pets, how they would just lounge in silence as Quinn studied or read and he would tune his lute… It was all too much. Nowadays, Quinn couldn’t even look at his pets. He was sure they didn’t quite understand, but how the hell could he explain death to them when some days he couldn’t even face the truth himself?

He knew that if he wanted to make it to the spot so they could have their duel at the usual Cyrus seemed like the type of man to get angry over that, even though they’d never made this whole thing official and thus, had never set an official time—he was going to have to go in, grab a bottle, and get going. He planned on doing just that, but when he came up to his door in the boys’ dorm, he found a package sat in front of his door. It was half opened, with one of the folds pulled back while the other was still dipped in. He blinked and then frowned. He hadn’t ordered anything, and everyone in the dorms knew better than to try and pull some pranks on him nowadays. The last idiot that had tried ended up with their eyebrows gone after a close call with one of his spells. Was it a booby-trap? Some enemies trying to get revenge on him? He sighed as he suddenly realized he didn’t care. It could blow up in his face for all he cared. He had things to do. He strode up to the box and pulled up the other flap so he could look inside.

His heart stopped.

There was only one thing inside of the box, and it was an amulet. It had a golden chain with a pink gem. Tiny sigils traced the edges of the gem, and even though he couldn’t see the back, he knew there was a glowing symbol carved into the metal so it was fueled by magic. He knew that because he had bought this amulet, this exact amulet, nearly a year ago.

“Quinn, you shouldn’t have!”

Sarai’s voice was soft and had a tone of something like disbelief. She cradled the amulet in her hands with a sort of touch you would give a newborn baby. They were standing in Quinn’s dorm. It was the weekend and they were both out of their robes. Quinn wore a sweatshirt and some jeans with some simple sneakers, and Sarai wore a pretty sundress that had pineapples printed on the white fabric along with some white flats. Her long brown hair was done up in a braid and slung over her shoulder. The style suited her, Quinn decided the moment he looked at her.

“Well, you keep having difficulty with your mana reserve.” He resisted the urge to rock back on his heels. “This is supposed to give you twenty more. I know it’s not much, but, it was all they had in the shop…” He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled nervously. “Do— Do you like it?”

“I love it!” Sarai looked at him and grinned before she suddenly stepped forward and hugged him. She smelled of flowers, as most life sorcerers did. They did do a lot of gardening, after all; Sarai especially. He felt his cheeks getting a bit warm as she propped her chin up on his shoulder. Her breath brushed against his ear and he could feel her smile more than he could see. “Thank you, so much.”

He was thankful, not for the first time, for his speech lessons while he was growing up. It was his taught self-reserve that kept his voice from shaking as he wrapped his arm around her waist and said; “Of course, Sarai. You’re my friend!”

Sarai stepped back and released him from her soft and warm hold. He already found himself missing her touch. She smiled at him widely and opened her mouth, but Quinn never got to hear what she planned on saying as the door behind them swung open.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, guys! I had to drop off an essay to Professor Cyrus!”

Quinn laughed and grinned. “Hey! It’s alright—!”

Quinn shoved his dorm door open. He had kicked the box aside after he pulled out the amulet. He gripped it in his hand now, so tightly in his fist that he wondered if he would crush the chain. The pink gem glowed up at him almost mockingly. The sigil on the back felt like it was burning him. There was no doubt in his mind that this amulet had been left by Sarai. There was also no doubt that she had left it as a way to tell him that she didn’t want to be friends anymore.

He dropped the amulet in favor of ripping a loose board out of the floor. He yanked a large bottle of Fireball Whiskey and yanked off the cap. This brand is the good kind. It cost him nearly a hundred bottles for just this one bottle. But it's good because it gets people drunk, fast. And he needed to get drunk at that very moment. He’s never needed to get so fucking drunk. He chugged from the bottle, tipping his upper body back to get as much in his mouth as he could. That proved to be a mistake as he choked, hunching to the side as he pulled the bottle from his mouth, coughing and spitting up the orange liquid as it burns in his throat. He quivered, on his hands and knees, before he began to laugh. It started as a low wheeze and then increased in volume as he realized just what position he was in. His last real friend, the first person he had ever loved romantically, had officially cut herself out of her life.

That’s her decision, the rational side of his brain whispered, you can’t change it. There’s no choice in being upset over it. You have to go on.

But we don’t want to go on, the other side of his brain hissed. Of course, it’s her decision, of course, we can’t change it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. We’ve lost everyone. We’ve lost everyone because we’ve pushed them all away. Sarai was all we had left and now she’s gone.

And it’s my fault.

Quinn pushed himself up to his knees. He took another deep swig from his bottle. He didn’t drink as fast, but he drank longer. Before he knew it, half of the bottle was gone.

Because I’m the one who told her I needed time to be alone, to find myself. But all I’m doing is trying to find myself at the bottom of a bottle.

He stood up. His pets had hidden under and around the bed and they watched him with mournful looks. His firecat, Amber, debated on going to his side, but something in her sad heart told her there was no point. She hadn’t been able to reach him in months, sober or drunk. Nothing was going to change that now.

He looked at the clock, bloodshot eyes blinking. He looked another swig of his alcohol. He and Cyrus usually fought around one am, and it twelve fifty-five. He needed to get going, he realized. He gripped the bottle in one hand and fumbled for his bow with the other, snatching it off the wall where he had hung it up Friday night. He never went questing anymore. He didn’t need it for the weekends. He spent the weekends studying, rarely dueling, or sleeping. Drinking, too. He chugged from the bottle again as he stumbled out of the room. His foot bumped against the cardboard box and he quickly took another chug.

By the time he had left the dorm, there were only a few sips left in the bottle.

#tw: alcholism #tw: swearing #tw: character death mentioned #wizard101 #wizzy101 #fanfiction #Cyrus Drake #OC: Quinn Firethief #wizard101 oc #tw: PTSD #part of a series #part 1 #I dunno how long this will be #I have a general idea but other than that I'm flying by the seat of my pants

[buckybarnesisjewish]

My Fic Recs! (also found on the fic recs page)

Fic Recs

All of the fics with Jewish Bucky that I love! Links open in a new tab. Send a submission or ask if you want to add any or your own. These are all stucky atm, but feel free to submit fic for any ship. For more fics with Jewish Bucky, you can try this ao3 search or searching for it on thestuckylibrary here

CATEGORY 1: Fics that center on Bucky’s Jewish identity as a main focus

Teshuvah by myownremedy

Mod comments- My absolute favorite fic that focuses on Bucky’s faith. Beautiful and eloquent, a must read!

As we come forth, so we shall return. Ecclesiastes 5:14

Teshuva by JHSC

Mod comments- Yes, two fics with this title! This one is a stunning exploration of Bucky regaining his memories and hope.

The first person he remembers is Steve.

The second person he remembers is his mother.

things my heart used to know by biblionerd07

Mod comments- Yay Hanukkah fic!!! Biblio is one of my favorite authors. Everything they write is fantastic, and this is no exception.

T'Challa and his team have removed Bucky’s triggers and are ready to wake him up just in time for Hanukkah, so Steve and Sam set out to make sure he has everything he needs to celebrate. Bucky, however, is struggling a bit.

three white horses by magdaliny

Mod comments- Incredibly sad, but so well written!

Steve, it’s not your fault, Sam had tried to say, before Steve cut him off, and Steve doesn’t think that’s untrue so much as it’s irrelevant; fault’s got nothing to do with it. It’s just—wrong. It’s wrong. Steve couldn’t wrap his head around it the first time, how wrong it was. Steve should have gone first. Was supposed to. Bucky could have carried on without Steve, he knows, but Steve without Bucky is a zero sum. There should never be a world that Steve is in and Bucky isn’t.

swallows still sing by icoulddothisallday

Mod comments- Wordlessly sad and fairly graphic, so heed the tags. It’s extremely historically accurate and so well written, and despite how dark it is, it leaves the reader with hope.

They move through the doorway and the sun hits Bucky’s face. His eyes flinch closed involuntarily, but the warmth on his face is more than enough. There’s a breeze too, the freshest air Bucky has breathed in months. It’s chaos outside, a clamor of voices in languages both familiar and foreign. Bucky is glad to ignore it, glad to trust that the Captain will take him to safety.

On April 29th, 1945, US forces liberate the concentration camp Dachau. But Captain Steve Rogers and his Howling Commandos have a more specific mission - the rescue and rehabilitation of prisoners experimented on by Arnim Zola, among them, a man named Bucky.

The Night War by praximeter

Mod comments- Holy fuck I love epistolary works, and this one is a goddamn masterpiece. Prax’s imitation of Bucky’s writing voice is beyond perfect, and the fic really reads like a real wartime memoir and literary classic. Sad and upsetting, so read the tags. It captures the horrors of war in a very visceral and touching way.

In 1947, Master Sergeant James B. Barnes’s surviving field journals were posthumously published as the classic war memoir The Night War. Now a high school history classroom mainstay and required reading at West Point, this highly anticipated 60th Anniversary Edition presents the original, unedited text alongside detailed historical notes that provide important context to the extraordinary wartime heroics of Captain America and the Howling Commandos.

Barnes, James B. The Night War: The Wartime Memoirs of a Howling Commando. Ed. Harold Miller. 60th Anniversary ed. New York: HarperCollins, 2005. Print.

In The World to Come by newredshoes

Mod comments- A really excellent short fic about Bucky’s identity and faith, and dealing with antisemitism in the 30s and 40s. Will break your heart.

Barnes was never a Jewish name before.

CATEGORY 2: Fics where the main focus is not Bucky’s Jewish identity, but it is included.

Ain’t No Grave by spitandvinegar

Mod comments- Literally probably my favorite fic, ever. I’ve probably reread it at least 10 times. An unforgettable and unique take on them post TWS, and the definitive text of awkward old super soldiers, a multifaceted and perfectly characterized Bucky, Steve being Sad, Sam being done with their shit, Romeo and Juliet Type Feelings, a Mexican Suicide Pact, and a coupla of Goddamn Kids.

It’s six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.

For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don’t. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It’s very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.

I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.

Steve sits down hard on the steps.

The Hundred Year Playlist by girlbookwrm

Mod comments- Another one of my favorite fics of all time!!! It covers every era of canon and I swear, I could read it over and over.

Steve and Bucky, start to finish.

“Come on, pal, it’s me. Take another hundred years if you want, I’ll still be here.”

DREAMERS WITH EMPTY HANDS: Steve POV. Pre CATFA. Steve Rogers/Chronic Pain, with bonus Steve/Pining. 1924-1943

GOOD MORNING HEARTACHE, WHAT’S NEW?: Steve POV. CATFA. Steve/Emotional Pain, War Years Edition. 1943-1945/2011

THE TERROR OF KNOWING: Bucky POV. Winter Soldier Years. Soldat/Fear, with bonus Baby Widows! 1945-2014.

FOOL FOR SACRIFICE: Steve POV. Avengers 1 - AoU. Steve/Losing Everything.

NO HOPE FOR THE WEARY (WIP): Bucky POV. TWS-CACW. Bucky/Let Him Rest 2kForever. The Big Recovery Fic, 2014-2016.

LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPON (drafting): AKA PRE INFINITY WAR FLUFF (and angst).

(All these stories stand alone and are roughly canon compliant)

i need a forest fire by tomorrowsrain

Mod comments- Do you like road trips? A Tony and Bucky friendship focused fic? Being sad about Bucky? Epic romance? Fixing the utter mess that was Civil War? Then you have to read this fic!

“The past beats inside me like a second heart. These fragments I have shored against my ruins.”

In which Tony Stark makes a reckless decision, becomes a wanted fugitive, goes on the run with the former Winter Soldier, and learns how to forgive. For his part, Bucky Barnes is just trying to hold himself together. AU, post-Civil War

The Way To A Man’s Heart by Niitza

Mod comments- Such a great read! Mostly focuses on Steve and the team, but has some great Bucky moments. Bonus for Bucky keeping kosher!

It started with shawarma.

A story about food, memory, and how Steve Rogers carved out a place for himself in the 21st century.

#mine #fic recs #jewish bucky barnes #marvel #bucky barnes #jewish bucky #mcu #captain america #stucky #catws #catfa #winter soldier #the winter soldier #bucky

[rebeccaseattle]

Stand and Deliver

I am, practically speaking a math teacher. Technically speaking, I am a mild/moderate special ed teacher, but I teach math, to special ed kids, mostly.   

Growing up, one movie I saw over, and over, and over again in school was Stand and Deliver. It was played almost every day we had a sub or the teacher didn’t have a plan, etc, etc etc. Then, my senior year my school theater program (of which I was highly involved) decided to do the play version. I essentially memorized that film. If you don’t know the movie, is carefully based off a true story of the famous math teacher, Jaime Escalante, an immigrant from Bolivia, whose teaches/coaches/mentors a handful of underserved high school students from a gang-ridden Garfield High School in LA into taking and passing the AP Calculus exam. These students success is so impressive, that they naturally are accused of cheating and the students have to retake a harder version of the test to indeed prove they do know math that well. 

Anyway, now that I am working math students, I asked myself, should I show the movie to my students? Somehow no one in my school seemed to know about the film. I’m sure things have changed in the 15 years since my own high school experience, and I’m in a different demographic. So I researched the movie carefully and how different educators felt about it. 

I ended up reading a lot about Jaime Escalante and the true story the film was based on. It was actually pretty close, a lot closer than your usual Hollywood films, it’s inaccuracies were few and not to dramatic. 

I found one fascinating blog post all about why teachers should not show this film to their students. One major point was, while Jaime Escalante was clearly an amazing educator who lead his kids to success, he was very controversial. Not only at Garfield high school as is portrayed in the film for pushing his kids so hard and setting high expectations for him, but also for later in life as he supported “English Only” movement in education. Many had the opinion that such an outlook is oppressive to students learning English as a second language. Most of the blog readers I read who said this, were like me, white, and native English speakers. I found this fascinating. I don’t necessarily agree with the English only movement, I don’t have an opinion and don’t think it’s my place to form one at this time. However, I think it’s possible to separate one person’s endeavor from another and appreciate one without the other. For example, I do in fact like Einstein’s general theory of relativity, however Albert was a huge jerk to his first wife, Meliva (whose name appears on one of the early drafts as its often said she helped with the math involved) and left her penniless with 3 children he refused to support for over a decade. Still Albert Einstein did do an amazing job of figuring out, testing, and working on this theory and that’s still amazing and inspiring. So I don’t think that was a valid reason to not watch it. 

Another educator wrote that Stand and Deliver was in the same spirit of “Dangerous Minds” which is definitely a movie about white saviorism. That movie, whose title alone offends me, also based on a true story, is about a white lady who comes to a gang-ridden high school and teaches English to underserved populations and like reduces gang violence or something (it’s been a while). That of course is a theme I need to avoid at all costs, savorism is a horrifying myth I seen projected onto my job, more on that later. For more fun we can watch the SNL skit “Pretty White Lady.”

However, Stand and Deliver is not the same as Dangerous Minds. The teacher is not a white person, but an immigrant himself who is technically classified as Latino. Okay, yes Bolivia is a very different country than say Mexico, or the other countries my students, or his, may come from. And I’m sure they don’t speak the same type of Spanish is Bolivia then say other countries, but still he’s an immigrant literally speaking the same language as his students. 

Also, the other factor I had to point out, is the math in Stand and Deliver, is actually very real math. In college I learned an excellent short cut to integration by parts, that my professors learned from the movie. Today things are a lot better, but in that era, the math in movies, was actually quite fake, and bad. The math that is done in SD, is actually quite accurate. It’s real calculus, algebra, and trig. I figured if nothing else I could show it to my kids purely for them to try to recognize the math happening in the movie. 

So I played the movie for my students and kept an open mind. I tried not to lecture or get to preachy toward them, I just wanted to be open to how they responded and then figure out if this was an advantageous movie for them to see. I did tell them to be aware of the various math tricks that happened in the movie. 

Also it was my first time watching the movie since I learned calculus and was very excited to revisit these scenes and examine the math. 

So here is the results:

1. My kids loved the movie. If for nothing else, they liked watching a movie in their math class. They would much rather watch movies then do math. It didn’t matter that the movie was nearly half a century old, still better than doing a worksheet or something. 

2. One thing that I noticed is that a number of my kids liked that the movie was about latina/latino students. A number of my students have a lot of pride in their ethnicity. While there are a number of white people in the movie, they show up in minor supporting roles. Much like the reverse of what we see in Hollywood today. The movie really is about Latin Americans and they seemed to appreciate that they were in the foreground. The minute it started, one of my students who had never spoke to me before then, told me about one of his favorite old movies, that was casted completely by latino actors. 

Furthermore, while Escalante is central, and he is portrayed as a hero, the real heroes of the movie are actually the high school students. It was very much a movie about kids in high school that delved into their family lives, dating issues, career decisions, conflicts with friends, etc. So it’s also a movie about high school kids. 

3. In addition, despite the movie being around 40 years old, there were a couple of cultural elements my students seem to relate to. For example, the way my students greet each other and their particular hand shake (which I can’t do, but am learning, growth mindset) was done in the movie by adults. In the scene when Guadalupe was putting her brothers and sisters to bed, one of my students, who identifies as Mexican, called out, “That’s a Mexican household there. That’s my cousins” My students commented on what food was being cooked in scenes and compared it to their friends and families’ cooking. In the conflict scene where Escalante confronts the college board representatives about the accusations, they were super engaged, predicting, accurately what Escalante would say next and how they would have handled it. They pointed out to me we have the same desks as the students in the movie (facepalm here). They even explained to me, the subtext of the gang violence around Angel in the movie. This is something I didn’t see or understand when I was a kid.  Of course this wasn’t the whole movie. A lot of the scenes culturally didn’t make sense to them, they were outdated, not relatable, or relevant. 

4. They liked that the movie talked openly about racism. Going back to that scene where Escalante confronts the school board, they were super engaged. They got very excited when Escalante confronts the college board representatives, and the fact that they were sent out because of their distinct ethnic backgrounds. They liked that the racism was being called out rather than everyone turning a blind eye and closed mouth. Most of my students, regardless of ethnicity were engaged in that part. 

Some of the kids though just spaced out, or were on their phones. I still have mixed feelings about the film, and would welcome other’s opinions about showing stand and deliver as a math teacher. It could be they were just grateful for a chill day. 

For me, I noticed a few things. 

1. The math is very accurate, and there are a couple of really cool math tricks happening in it. Namely integration by parts and the trick to multiply by nines using the fingers. 

2. I liked that Escalante pointed out the Mayans understood the concept of zero long before europeans did. I personally also like pointing out white people did not invent algebra, middle easterners did. I think the history of math is important, but is often whitewashed to be just about the Greeks and Romans. Often in history, only white history is told and the accomplishments of groups is silenced. 

3. The only math flaw I saw in the movie was when Escalante read ln(x-1) as the words L N. Any Calculus teacher worth their weight would of course read it as “The Natural Log of x minus 1. 

4. There are all sorts of subtext I understand now as an adult, that I didn’t as a kid. The fact the Ana leaves the test early so others won’t be accused of cheating off of her, or that Guadalupe doesn’t have a place or time to study when she’s at home. 

5. There is a honestly, the kids are clearly treated unfair by society and the movie points out this truth. The kids rise above by having to work extra hard to retake the test. I don’t know about the message of having the kids to work extra hard, I don’t want to get to preachy in my profession. But at least it acknowledges the unfair, racist elements the kids deal with, rather than be in denial or victim blaming I often see. It does have the message that the the kids are up to the challenge. They may have to work harder, but they are certainly underestimate by those in power over them. That makes an interesting point, but I’m not sure what it is yet. 

Anyway, I showed the movie this year, and I would love other’s thoughts about it. 

#stand and deliver #Jaime Escalante Math Class White privledge

[laceandhockeyskates]

What the hell I’ve been up to?!

I don’t even know how to make an introduction for this hot mess but I guess we’ll go month to month more or less because let me tell you 2018.... really fucked me up. Both in good ways, but also in terrible ways? I don’t know... I feel like it’s all worked out in the end but damn was it a mess to get to this point. 

 January- lovely, lovely January. Aka the last time I’ve posted anything of real value on this blog. I had my first trip out of the country!! Other than that uneventful?! 

 February and March (since nothing happened)- I turned 25. I don’t remember anything besides grabbing lunch with my grandma for it... so clearly it was a huge deal. Besides that though.... nothing. 

 April.... this is when things got.... interesting- we found out in April that the retail company I worked for was going out of business. Which was absolutely terrifying. I had no idea what I was going to do, how long it was going to take to find a new job... I knew nothing. That very day that we were told I put in 25 job applications. Within a week I had 4 job interviews lined up for one day that I had off of work, and at the end of that day I had a new job. 

 May- and it gets worse. May 4th was my last day at the store before I started my new job on May 5th. It was somewhere that I had applied to several times and never got a call back from, and it was only a three minute drive from my house so I thought everything was going to work out. Right? Wrong. I HATED it. With every fiber of my being it was the worst. I sat in my car on my lunch breaks crying more often than I wasn’t. It was honestly awful, and some greater power that be must have recognized how miserable I was because I was only there for less than 2 weeks. I started on the 5th and I worked my last day there on the 17th. I was scheduled to have that Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off already which I was thankful for and had all these plans. So since about November-December I had these back pains that started right between my shoulder blades and wrapped around my stomach every few weeks. At first I thought I had a strange strand of the flu, and then I thought I was just sleeping on my back wrong.... well neither was accurate. That Friday night I was sitting on the couch watching tv when the pain hit me again and at that point it was more of an annoyance thing because like seriously?? So I just did what I always did and took pain meds and prepared myself for a night of no sleep and taking a hot bath every two hours to pour steaming hot water over my back (aka the only thing that really helped), by Saturday I wasn’t any better and my dad offered to take me to the ER. I thought he was just tired of listening to me whine about the pain and not really worried but I did let him drive me to Walmart to get a heating pad and more pain killers. Which again... helped.... but only for so long. I actually got to sleep that night and woke up at 3 am in literally the worst pain of my entire life. I quickly got in the tub hoping that the hot water would work or the heating pad or really anything. By 5 am though I knew that something was terribly, terribly wrong and that’s when I asked my dad to take me to the ER. Which I don’t think he took me seriously until 7 when my mom woke up and I asked her to go. It took less than 5 minutes at the ER to be told I have pancreatitis and gallstones and I’m basically screwed. By the time I came back from chest x rays I was being admitted. And let me tell you... that shit sucked. My Er nurse asked me how I was feeling and I literally laughed and told her I was just happy that it wasn’t all in my head. Which she very much assured me that it wasn’t. And that I actually have a high pain tolerance considering anyone else would be screaming in pain, and that if I had waited another few days I’d be going in with a raptured gallbladder. That first day... sucked to put it kindly. Because I had a gallstone blocking my pancreas I wasn’t allowed food (I ended up going from 5 pm Saturday to 2 pm Monday without food) or water (4 am Sunday to 2 pm Monday). Do you know it’s like to go that long? I was the biggest asshole because all I truly wanted was applesauce and water. To top it off though they couldn’t figure out a pain med that actually worked for me. Morphine lasted about as long as it took to get to my toes (a few seconds at best) so I was miserably in pain the entire time. Monday wasn’t too bad. My mom came and visited me, and for the most part I was left alone with the occasional check in minus my surgery consult. Tuesday.... was a day. I’ve never had surgery before and to say I was anxious would be an understatement. I had been waking up around 5-6 am anyways and was just watching the news when I realized there were two people standing outside my door.... I had originally been told my surgery was the 3rd of the day and I wouldn’t be going until about 11 am which gave my parents enough time to get my brother off to school and to be back in time to see me off... that’s not what happened. They had bumped me up to #1. Which meant my labs hadn’t been put in as needed ASAP and had to be run again but as soon as that was done? I was being wheeled away. What I didn’t know was that my mom had a nightmare that I had been taken to surgery early and that I died on the table... so you can imagine her reaction when I texted them that I was actually going to surgery early... needless to say my dad sped all the way to the hospital. Actual surgery though? I don’t remember a ton. I remember going to the holding room and being introduced to a bunch of people that I knew for all of five seconds before going into the OR. I remember moving from my bed to the table and then being wrapped up in a bunch of warm blankets and given the mask. I wasn’t told to count down or anything but within seconds I was out. I remember vaguely waking up to be moved from the table to my bed and I THOUGHT I had only fallen back asleep for the ride to recovery... apparently it was a lot longer than that. I woke up once in recovery and could have sworn they cut me open side to side but nope. It was a successful surgery with only four tiny incisions that hurt like a goddamn bitch let me tell you and then I passed back out... when I finally woke back up again I was awake long enough I was allowed to go to my room where my parents were relieved to see me. I was up walking within an hour (I was told I wasn’t allowed food unless I moved around and got the gas out of myself and had bowl movements. They recommended walking. I wanted food.) and that day was spent between doing laps and sleeping. The next day? The day I was suppose to go home? My labs came back with a high white blood count... and I lost it. Despite my parents visiting me every day I was tired of feeling alone. Luckily though Thursday I was finally released.... in time for my baby brother to graduate high school. Which was a fun ceremony when you’re hopped up on pain meds. 

 June- was a hot mess of dealing with medical leave at the job I hated, but mostly? It was spent enjoying the summer. Once I was cleared for activity I was swimming nearly every day and soaking in the summer with my two baby cousins who turn 12 soon. Despite the physical pain I had to deal with and the stress of work I wouldn’t have traded that in for anything. It gave me so many fun memories to look back on and enjoy. 

 July- I was suppose to go back about the 8th but medical leave was... a mess. And tbh at that point it wasn’t worth the stress to keep that job when for the time being I was making enough by doing side jobs for my family to pay my bills. I did start applying for new jobs though while I spent more time enjoying my summer with my kiddos. By the 27th though I was starting my new job, which is where I’m currently at while I type this long ass post but we’ll get into that a little farther down. Two days later though as I was about to start my first full day at my new job I got the text message I never wanted to get. I had to call my cousin/best friend. Long story short her mother had passed away meaning that she had lost both of her parents in seven years. Something I can’t even imagine. But not only that but it meant that my grandma had also lost her sister and best friend, and my great grandmother had to do the one thing no parent should ever go through.  

August- was honestly a really intense blur. Between two weeks of dealing with the fall out of losing my aunt and starting my new job I didn’t have a life. In late July/early August though I knew something was up with my car but I honestly thought it was just a tie rod going bad... no. Apparently my entire undercarriage was more or less rusting out and I was screwed. I didn’t have any money saved up for a down payment, I had no idea if I could even afford a car payment yet (despite working a better paying job with more hours but I was use to basically barely making ends meet with maybe $20 left over). Luckily my parents who are the real mvps of my life stepped up and helped me figure everything out and I had a new car within a week of starting to search (she’s my baby girl. I’m obsessed. She’s literally everything I wanted minus the fact that she’s white and my previous car was white and I wanted to avoid that: but besides that... I’m happy with her and she’s worth the pretty penny I pay every month). 

 September- was a goddamn mess work wise. It’s all I did. Work. 

 October- I took my first major road trip on my own (driving 2 and a half hours by myself on the interstate. It was a big deal.) and saw FOB in concert which was... life changing. I completely recommend seeing them if you ever have a chance (also machine gun kelly was there and despite the fact that I don’t care for rap.... he was pretty good.). Other than that though October was more work craziness. 

And now for November, and if you guessed work was insane... you’d be right. When I was hired in July it was all “oh it’ll only be busy until like October” and now my boss is like “maybe by March we can get our sanity back for two months?” Which don’t get me wrong I’m grateful. I’m making a $1 more an hour, actually working full time, and I don’t hate a majority of my coworkers (there’s still a handful though that if I had a shopping cart at work I’d run of their bare toes but that’s more because they make my life unnecessarily stressful) but I’m actually happy???? Like as stressed out as I am basically 24/7 I’m doing alright. I have a majority of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped which like?? And idk... I’m just.... I’m in a good place. And I won’t lie I still check myself once and awhile going “okay something is bound to go wrong.” But also maybe all the good is outweighing all the bad that I had to deal with. Anyways so that’s the life update. If you actually read that... bless your soul. Message me. We’re now best friends. And hopefully in the coming weeks I figure out what the hell im doing with this blog.

December update I wanna die lol! We had two people quit in three weeks leaving us with four people to cover 24 hours 7 days a week....it’s a great time. 

#if you read all of this hi message me you're my new best friend

[yellow-car]

How penny got back together with Micah

Chapter 1

Penny

Buzz, buzzz my phone vibrates in my pocket, but I don’t even look to see who it is. Everything’s too crazy right now to concentrate on anything but what’s right in front of me. Simon is in my lap. “he’s dead.” Simon says “the mage is dead.” oh Simon, I wish I could say the words to make it ok. He’s looks such a mess. The tail drooping on the floor, well I guess its his tail now. I don’t think now is the time to ask about the tail. His wing flaps into my face, obscuring my view. His wings are such a beautiful red colour. I stroke one of them gently. I’m not even going near thoughts of the mage and who technically killed him.

After a bit Simon gets up and covers the mage with his jacket. He looks so alone standing there. Baz gets up and hugs him. Wait, Simon and Baz are hugging. I didn’t know Baz did physical contact. They begin whispering to each other. “It’s all alright love.” Baz finally says, the tone unmistakeable. Oh. I guess they are a couple now. OH, WAIT that’s why he jumped out the car to go to Baz’s. For some reason this doesn’t surprise me. Too much has happened, everything feels too much like a blur. I’m too zoned out.

Finally, I realise I should probably contact some responsible adults. So, send a little bird to my mum. She arrives in a fluster, Mum always arrives in a fluster her skin slightly flushed with the effort of whatever spell got her over here. She instantly takes charge. Freezing the mages body, starting the clean up the mess and “Penny go home.” She commands, “but MUM!” I glace over and the lump of Simon and Baz. She sees me looking, “They’ll be fine, I’ll offer Simon a room at ours but I’m sure he will find other accommodation” she says smiling fondly. I’ll give it to my mum, she may always need to be in charge, but she knows exactly what’s going on. I am quite tired. “Fine.” I quickly go over to the Simon-Baz lump. “Guys I’m going home. I’ll see you both soon, ok” there’s a mummer of acknowledgment from inside the lump so I turn away. “Wait.” I turn around, Simon has emerged and envelopes me in a hug. Tear stains still shiny on his cheeks. His eyes blotchy. I ruffle his hair fondly. “see you soon” he echoes. A There’s no place like home and I’m back in the hallway of my house. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, though it was only this morning that I found Simon in my garden. I go straight up to my bedroom and collapse. I’m ready to sleep for about 3 days.

Chapter 2

I wake up with a start. It’s the middle of the night, I suppose I shouldn’t have gone to bed so early. I go down to the kitchen and grab some chocolate. I’m still in my clothes so then I go and change into some pyjamas. In doing so I find my phone in my back pocket. I switch it on, Wow that’s a lot of messages. Most of them are the Watford group chat talking about yesterday. One is from Simon “Hey, I’m staying at Baz’s for a few days. I’ll come visit you whenever you want.” I type back a reply “Come now if you want.”

The last message is from Micah. “Hey Pen, we haven’t spoken in a while, you keep not replying to my messages, is something wrong” Well things have been pretty hectic. I start to formulate a response, chewing on a strand of my purple hair. Then I realise I’ve got nothing to say. Everything was so complicated, and I really can’t be bothered to relive it all.

Simon has replied to my message “Well we can’t sleep either. Sure, meet in ur Wendy house. is it ok if I bring Baz?” I smile I’ve got a feeling those two are going to be glued by the hip for a while yet. “Yeah that’s fine.” I reply and throw my phone back on my bed. I put on a thick duffel coat and slip my purple ring into my pocket. Better prepared for anything. Then I creep to the back door and gingerly open it. ah the Wendy house. The one dad got me for my birthday when I was like 5. During his research, he got a lot of normal magazines. In one of them was the advert for a brand new Wendy house. I saw it and fell in love immediately. When Simon came to my house it was the first thing he was drawn to. So that where we would hang out ever since, it was an unforeseen advantage that we could avoid my mums judging glare in the process.

I tiptoe out onto the grass. My bare feet soaked through. A flickering light is already on in the Wendy house and secret whispers catch on the breeze. “No Baz, we can’t penny will get here soon.” A protested reply makes it way to me and it stings in a way I never expected. And I take a deep breath and look up to the sky. But the stars are twinkling like they’re in a romance novel, where I’m a side character. Only there to have an opinion on the relationship and to burst in at opportune moments which makes the readers ship it more. I can feel a wad in my throat, but I push it down. And I walk round the back of the Wendy house. We don’t really all fit in it anymore. But on the side opposite the house there’s a small dry circle, with a shelter over it. This is where we normally hang out.

“hey” I greet them. Noting dishevelled Simon and dressed down Baz. (I know ‘dressed down’ doesn’t sound like a big thing. But you’ve got to remember Baz always dressed like he’s about to go to a fancy dinner.) “hey penny” says Simon, Baz mummering along. There’s not nearly enough height to stand but there are a few beanbags covering the ground . I sink into one. There’re a few moments of silence as no one knows where to begin.

“So how long has this been a thing.” I gesture at them vaguely and note Simons blush and the faint tint of red on Baz’s pale face. “Umm, well, you know” Simon mumbles, the words spilling over each other.

“Well since this guy kissed me in the middle of a burning forest.” Baz says ‘matter of fact’ ly . I see him noting Simons face turning into a firework of red and pink, and he pulls his wings over his face. Baz smiles so gently I have to remind myself that this is Baz. He turns to me “So you figured it out, how did you do it?” the sarcasm a shield against a negative opinion I could have against this. I smile reassuringly “Well maybe this means Simon will stop stalking you.” Baz starts to laugh then stops. We all stop, as we realise this is not a casual sleepover. This is the peace before the storm.

“What if there’s a war?” Simon asks us. Neither of us answer. Simon is relatively new to the mage world. We have both grown up with the complicated politics of the families. We both know how little it would take to start a war. And we both know, we would be on opposite sides. We both mummer some half-hearted thing with the basic message of “We will be fine.” I doubt Simon believes it, but he nods anyway. Shortly after this me and Baz make our excuses and I go back to bed.

Chapter 3

I wake up, and for a second the feeling of hopelessness is not there. But then I remember, and it crawls back in.

I wander downstairs to find the kitchen is a state. Priya is watching some pink tv program in the corner, and dads trying to get Pacey to clean the kitchen. I don’t think he’s winning. I groggily poor myself a bowl of the weird sugary cereal that no one ever eats from the cupboard. I guess mum is still out. “Dad.” I mumble. He turns around “Hey, you’re awake.” I smile faintly not quite awake enough to formulate a response. Its weird to see him out of his office, I guess work has been put on the back foot for the time being.

“what’s going on?” I ask,

“The council are meeting tomorrow, they are asking around for witnesses today. Do you want me to say that you are too tired?” Dad replies. I consider this for a second, ill have to relive the whole thing in front of a coven of stuck up witches who will be inclined to disbelieve me because of my age. I’m about to disagree, but what about Simon. Ugh I have to go, they’ll grind him into mincemeat.

“No! I’ll do it” I say, a little louder then I meant. Dad looks at me strangely but doesn’t say anything. I grab my bowl and start to move towards my bedroom. “what does mum say about food in your bedroom?” Dad interjects. “mums not here.” I reply and quickly move out to avoid hearing the direct command to come back. At the stop of the stairs I peak into pips room. He’s sat legs spread on his train carboard playing with his figures. I could get him some breakfast, mum would certainly thank me, and I’d win sister of the year award, but I have just suffered some serious trauma, maybe next time. I collapse on my bed and begin stuffing cereal in my mind. I pull out my phone and scroll through my notifications. Dad believes in mindful eating, but I like to make better use of my time by catching up with the world at the same time. “wow there’s been a tiger escape, I should tell Micah” I pull out my phone to text him and... oh, I forgot. I twiddle my thumbs for a second. Nope.

I can’t just ignore his last message and start with the tiger thing. He’s going to have questions. Micah’s not the best with deep chats. We met about 5 years ago and we haven’t really had any deep chats. Its not like we aren’t close, but we do stuff together. We follow my dad round when he’s doing his experiments and then we get bored and sneak to the park and play on the swings. We tease each other like crazy, always wanting to be the one who is right. The other sometimes challenging points just for the sake of it. I’ve never talked about my feelings with him. Well he has talked a little about the fact we both like each other but even that was awkward as hell. But never any of my other feelings. If I’m sad in the middle of the night, because the night is just getting to me. I wouldn’t text Micah, I’d text Simon. He would bring me softly back to reality by a mixture of finding out the real reason I was upset and make me laugh by taking my typos literally.

Everyone just assumes Micah and I will end up together. I have to. But then everyone assumed Simon and Agatha would end up together and that’s not happening. I wonder the point and which they knew they weren’t getting back together. Maybe I shouldn’t base my relationship with Micah on Simon and Agatha’s one. But I can’t help it. Whenever I was unsure about Micah and I, where we were going and whether anything was going to come of it. I’d look at them and how well they were doing. And I’d trust in them.

Its weird to watch Simon be so in love with someone else. We gone through everything together. Out lives in perfect symmetry. Does this mean I will find someone else? Or will me and Simons lives desync

Chapter 4

Simon

Its weird staying in Baz’s house. Its so suited to his family and their general vibe of “if you do anything wrong we will kill you in your sleep.” I jump every time ‘not Baz’ walks into the room. They are weirdly accepting about me living here. As in they haven’t mentioned that fact yet but there’s an extra seat laid out on the dinner table. I considered showing Baz the Addams family to explain my point, but I think he would just get offended. We haven’t talked that much or done stuff that any couple would do if they were left in a completely lockable room. Baz hasn’t brought it up, I’m guessing out of respect for me. I want to do this stuff, but only to feel like a normal teenager. I’m so zoned out I can’t feel anything. I’ve got no urges or sadness or pain. I’ve just got nothing.

Baz is trying to be a supportive boyfriend by leading the conversation to me talking it out. It’s weird watching Baz try to be supportive, he’s doing well then occasionally he just has a what am I doing? moments where his old ‘I’m so cool’ self-switches back on. It normally only results in a falter in his voice. But I normally end up snickering, which as Baz says, ‘doesn’t help’.

My laughter normally moves the conversation onto another topic, which I know Baz is uncomfortable with. But I came back after the chat at penny’s a teary mess. I dried my face enough to convince Baz to go to sleep. Then I as soon as I heard his heavy breathing. I cried into the sofa bed until I was so tired, I just passed out. I woke up the next morning and felt nothing. The nothing hasn’t shifted since then. Mostly we’ve just been hiding in Baz’s room. He occasionally goes and asks for the news. He’s being using this to catch up on his homework. Nerd. I’ve been mostly watching him do this and staring into space until Baz stops me. The families met 3 days after that day. They appointed a new head master (penny’s mum) and so far, haven’t started any wars. Baz says “everyone’s so shocked about what happened, they don’t have the mental energy to start a pointless fight” the whole magical community is pulling together. Too bad I’ve been left on the side. The families have agreed to hold off further inquiries of the Mage’s death until school resumes.

School. How am I supposed to go back? How am I supposed to go back to my classes and pretend everything’s normal? Its not like there’s much more learning to do. It’s all just “Here’s the next course for you.” or “here’s a job we think you should get”. I don’t want to go to a magical collage. I want to go to a normal collage. Where I can study what I want. Not the limited this magic or that magic. Wait... I don’t have magic anymore. Oh, I forgot. I probably won’t be allowed back into Watford, what would the point in going back be… therapy? Hmpf, I mean I did destroy about 20 magical houses and most of the school. Why is that kinda a relief?

Baz comes back into the room with scones. Cherry scones. I smile and pull myself off the sofa to give my boyfriend a hug. He tenses for a second but then returns it. A single tear falls down my cheek.

Chapter 5

Penny

I’ve been hiding in my room for the most of what is technically Winter break. Mum occasionally walks in gives me a judgy look and the suggests I do some exercise. Sometimes she mixes it up and suggests I do some homework. I mean she’s the head teacher now, so I suppose its technically her duty. Luckily recently she’s been out most of the time she’s been out sorting out Watford so there will actually be a school to go to back to. Not that I can imagine going back. Too much has changed.

I could never do sport oh god. I wonder where he’s buried damm it I told you mind we are not thinking about this. Did they even bury him or just dump his body somewhere? Tears fall down my cheeks and I curl into ball. Penny tell someone. The gentle part of my mind whispers. “How can I?” I say out loud. “Whatever I say would be incriminating, it would either prove that I killed him or if it goes the other one it could prove I sympathise with him?” a sob breaks through. A deep hearty sob echoes through me. “I could tell Simon… but how could I put this burden on him, it was his dad. He deserves to be sad more than I do.” Oh, I said I killed him. Did I? I cast a Simon says a spell that would have uniquely worked. But Simon said the words. He didn’t really do it on purpose though. I can’t do it. I can’t go back to school. I just.. I just want to move on. To the next bit, next bit? Collage. Wow, that’s a way off. Collage. I get out my laptop, my face sticky with tears. And begin to Google.

Simon

Its snowing outside. I only noticed because of the screaming children probably building snowmen. I’m lying on the sofa at the edge of the room as it feels weird to lie on Baz’s bed and my wings are too tender to lie on the floor. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Baz comes into the room, from god knows where. “hey,” he says softly, “you want to go outside?” I turn away. “no.” Baz’s shoulders slump. “Simon, come on. You have to go outside sometime.”

“no” he walks round to where my face is. “Come on! Its snow, snow fight, snowmen. You’re Simon snow. Its should be your element.” I turn around slowly (as still getting used to the wings) so I don’t have to face him. Because if I have to look into his eyes any longer then I’ll probably give in. “Simonnnn” he says it, so each syllable vibrates through his voice. I curl into a ball, my wings shielding my face. He creaks closer and puts his hand on my back between my wings. It should feel electric, like it did in the middle of the forest. But like everything else since the event. It just feels like a hand on my back. He stands there for a while with his hand on my back. Then he sighs, walks over to his bed, and throws a blanket over me. Then he sets down something on the table next to the sofa. I hear the thud as he closes the front door.

I look up tears blotting my vision and there above my head, on a porcelain plate that looks grand enough to be at a royal dinner, is a cherry scone. I pull my head back into my ball. But the smell overwhelms me. I look up again and reach to touch it, I brush my finger on the jam. I lick my finger, mmmmm. I slowly uncurl and sit up. Blood rushing to my head blackening out my vision for a second. My wing slams into the sofa edge “shit” oww. I rub my wing, feeling its smooth texture, surprising for something that looks like it belongs to the devil. I instantly feel bad and give my wing a consoling pat. I smile at how silly I’m being. I take a bite of the scone, mmmmmm. I take another one.

It’s gone all too quickly, and I rub my finger on the plate trying to get more of the taste. Come on there’s got to be a little more. I experimentally touch the plate with my tongue and I hear a low laugh from the entrance.

Its Baz, snow-covered and his eyes are full of something I don’t recognise. I put the plate on the side. I stand up, careful this time not too whack my wings or tail on anything. “Baz, how am I going to go back to school? I have no magic. And I destroyed a lot of magical properties, what if they kick me out? Where will I go? Will I just become a science experiment?” he stands there for a moment, carefully considering his words. “Well first off, they’re not going to kick you out. You’re Simon snow, you saved us all. But putting that aside. Who says you have to go back to school?” I look at him in confusion. Not go back to school. But where would I go, what would I do. I could go to normal school, I could study whatever I wanted. “hmmm, that’s not actually a bad idea” I say

Baz walks over to his desk and picks up his laptop. He sits down with me and we start to go through the internet for subjects and courses I would like to do.

Chapter 6

Simon

“baz,baz!” I call. Baz comes running into the room. His face worried. His frown softens when he sees what I actually shouted him for. I’m floating about a cm off the floor, my wings moving steadily back and forth. I’d been practising for like a week. Something to take my mind off all of it. Baz hadn’t really paid much attention to my attempts. He was so happy that I was actually doing something, he hadn’t bothered to work out what I was doing.

He still looks a little worried, coming to stand close enough that he could catch me. But far enough away that he doesn’t get wacked by wing. I sigh a little bit, always the protector. I wish he would worry about me less and actually spend some time on himself. We hadn’t yet gotten around to the ‘things a couple could do with a completely lockable door.’ I wasn’t sure how to start. All the other times we’d done that stuff it had been completely spontaneous and rushed as we were both pretty sure the world was going to end soon. I’ll ask penny.

We are going to see her later, as soon as I stop hovering. We’ve talked on text and she agrees with me about going back to school. That it would be an awful idea. We are having a war meeting to prepare before we officially announce that we are not going back. Baz is not coming.

I swoop over to Baz and land in his arms. He doesn’t see the romance and puts me down gently. Worry in his eyes. Penny better have a solution for this.

Penny

I hear the knock on the door and run down so I can answer it before anyone else gets there. “Simon!” I smile, he looks at me in disbelief. He looks scruffier then I remember. “you knew I was coming why do you sound surprised.” He says mockingly. I hug him. Then we retreat to my room: set up with beanbags and snacks. He sinks into one, then winces. And strokes something that I can’t see. Oh, his wings, I forgot. “your wings?” I ask, he looks up “oh yeah, Baz spelled them with something, so I didn’t start any Satanist groups on my way over.” I nod, not knowing what to say. He sounds better. I mean I think I’m better. Who knew binge eating and sleeping was a cure.

There’s a pause. Thing to say, thing to say, ahh what do I say? We both laugh awkwardly. “shall we get started them” Simon says, gesturing to his laptop. “oh yeah” we start to google in silence. the awkwardness confuses me. Its Simon, why do I feel so awkward? But slowly we begin to talk. First with what we would choose as our subjects. Then slowly the awkwardness fades away.

“oooooh” Simon squeals, “I’ve found it, I know where we should go.” I lean over to his bean bag. Its perfect. It offers the subjects we want to do, in fact they are its speciality. And its beautiful, so beautiful. It’s got the country side whilst being in a pretty big city. So, the accommodation will be cheap. “ok, now we look at flats.” Simon says. Would we be sharing? Should I ask? But he’ll think I’m assuming that we will. What if he doesn’t want to? Simon turns back to his computer. And I’m left staring at him. Trying to come up with a way to ask him subtly. He looks up “what?”

I swallow hard. “so, we share flat?” I ask stammering halfway through. He looks confused, “DUH,” his face softens. “the whole point of this plan is to share a fla… Pen? What’s going on?” he asks quite rightly as tears are currently streaming down my face.

I lean further into my beanbag, pulling my glasses off to wipe away the tear damage. “Penny?” I turn to face him. “I can’t Simon, you’ve already got too much going on, its stupid anyway.” He smiles, “you know seeing my mindset not in me is quite eye opening.” What? “never mind. Penny tell me. I understand, and honestly I need a break from my own worries.”

After about a 5-minute struggle where I make sure he’s actually ready to hear what bothering me. I tell him. And he doesn’t laugh, tell me its stupid. He sits down hard on the floor next to me his face serious. “I don’t know either, but honestly at this point I don’t think it matters. We both did what we had to.” I counter this, but he has solid concrete arguments. And like a time-lapse we both stand up and sit down and pace around the room. Till the beanbags have been full discarded and we both lie legs up in the air on my bed.

“I’m worried about me and Baz” he says quietly. What? But I thought they were so solid. I let him continue, “he’s so worried about me.” Simon sighs “I know, I’m so glad he was there. But I’ve got it now. its hard to get back to the way we were before. We don’t do any of the stuff a couple should do in a fully lockable room…” I snigger. Then put my hand over my mouth. Oops.

“sorry, its still weird that you guys are together. I mean I saw it coming, I definitely saw it coming. But I never thought you guys would actually do anything about it.” Simons foot gently kicks mine. And we are temporarily engaged in a mini foot war. “I think you need a change of scenery, you’ve only got a few week before Baz goes back to school. A day trip or something.” I say “ooooh, you could take him on a date, it would be so romantic.” I heave myself up, needing to jump with excitement. Simon sits up, a flicker of a grin on his face. “maybe, I mean I’d have to ask him. I don’t think he’s that great with surprises.”

“Simon, I think a surprise is exactly what he needs”

It takes me about 10 mins to persuade him. Then he finally gets on the train of being excited about it.

Chapter 7

Simon

Maybe he hasn’t found the note yet. Maybe he has found and it and decided not to come, maybe he’s angry. Maybe he doesn’t want to date anymore. Maybe he...

“The famous Simon snow doing a romantic gesture, this i never thought I’d see” I look up, and Baz is smiling down at me. “Hey,” I say lost for words, although we’ve basically lived together for 3 weeks. But a constantly crying Simon is not the best conversationalist. He sits down and im aware of the bustling of the restaurant. Closing around in around us.

A waiter arrives, asks for our orders then leaves. Still silence, baz reaches out his hand and grabs onto mine. “Hey,” he says gently, “ Snow. Why are you doing this? Not that I appreciate it and wonderfully romantic, but why?“ I smile sadly up at him, “because of that,” His eyebrows raise.

“Baz, you’ve been so supportive the past 3 weeks. But I can breathe again. I’ve reached the surface just need to paddle to stay afloat. You aren’t my therapist. We are snowbaz we make out furiously in a forest on fire. I want to be a couple again.”

Baz looks at me for a second in concern, and I’m so scared that he’s just going to walk away, or manage the quickest break up ever.

He stands up quickly starts to walk towards the bathroom but at the last minute grabs my hand. He pulls me into a stall and kisses me hard. Wow this is not how I saw this going down. I kiss him back and back and back. “Wait our food.” I say pulling away, he smiles as he pulls away and ruffles my hair. “come on then let’s get the food.” He says shaking his head.

“You never responded to my speech.”

“Was that not a response?”

“I mean it was great...” i begin to fluster

“I agree, but” he breathes heavily “you need a therapist. Not me but you need one.”

“Okay I nod” so happy he’s not broken up with me I don’t really think about what he’s said. Food awaits

Chapter 8

Penny

I walk faster and faster, not daring to stop, not letting myself anywhere I could see memories would strike. Watford, I’m back. I pound on the mage’s door, mum’s door. “Come in.”

I plod through the door, breathing hard. “penny?” she asks looking concerned. “mum, I had to come here to see you. To tell you, I’m not coming back here. Once is enough, I know you love this school and you’d love to have me as your model student, but I can’t mum I can’t. It’s so suffocating, Simons not coming back either. We’d rather plan ahead not look back. And I know you’ll be sad and disappointed and...”

“oh penny,” mum pulls me into a hug, “seems like with all this work going on we haven’t had a chance to catch up. Let me start by saying, running a school is stressful and hard work and you are independent and strong, and you don’t need to prove anything to me.”

“what’s been going on with the school?”

“Well you won’t believe it, first the builder took a week, you won’t believe how long it takes builders and...”

Chapter 9

I lie on my new bed, flat out on my back. Breathing in slowly, eyes closed. I can’t believe I’m finally here. I’m now basically a grown up, I can’t believe Simon and I now have to feed ourselves. I’ve got my first attempt at cooking tonight. Surprisingly Premal has been helping me. I suppose his protective brother instincts finally kicked in after walking in after the mage died.

I subconsciously scroll through on my messages, my finger lands on Micah’s name. And I hurt and don’t really know why. I want to text him, but I don’t know the words. I try googling something but google doesn’t have the answer to all of the problem. I can hear chatter in the hall, probably Simon and baz. Ok I’m going to text him.

One word, two letters. “hi” I throw my phone on the bed and try to forget. I should start studying, “Simon, have you seen my crystal ball.” I feel a buzz in my pocket and despite the anxiety of him maybe rejecting me, I smile. And it doesn’t feel too weird.