#It confirms that he's still the same mess he thought he was all those weeks ago when he finally got out the prison world

[simplyholl]

Out of My System Pt 3

Summary: Loki doesn’t understand Thor’s attraction to Midgardians. Until he meets you.

Pairing: Avenger Loki x F. Reader

Warnings: Smuttish but no smut. 18+ only. Minors DNI. Eventual smut.

W/C: 1K

See my Masterlist here

After the Thor incident, rumor spread throughout the tower. You had heard everything except the truth. The wildest one, and your personal favorite was that Thor had caught you riding Loki in the bathtub, and Loki kept thrusting into you while he talked to his brother.

That one made you giggle. How absurd. It was Scott’s favorite one to tell, so you heard it at least one hundred times. Your teammate’s hushed voices, speculations, and giggles didn’t bother you. What got under your skin was Loki’s reaction to the rumors.

You would tell the others that wasn’t what happened, that you were wearing swimsuits and just washing off the mess of your sticky popsicles. But Loki would loudly set the record straight, denying that he would ever touch you in that way.

He couldn’t be attracted to a Midgardian. Unlike his brother, who would stick his dick in anyone who was willing, Loki was more selective of his partners. You knew that. You had discussed former relationships and lovers with each other.

One night, Thor brought home two women and Loki told you he could never stoop as low as his brother, that Earth women didn’t compare to the beauties on Asgard. You had no doubt. You could only imagine what those women looked like since the only Asgardians you knew were like beautiful sculptures come to life. It still stung for him to reject you so publicly.

You were sexually attracted to Loki. You figured everyone was, he had the most fans of all the Avengers. When the team did press events, bras and panties were thrown at him every time. He had confirmed this week that he would never touch you, but you couldn’t help recalling how it had felt in that bathtub. It seemed like he was holding himself back to keep from touching you.

You had to be imagining it, the same way you made up how it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room when you were together. If someone struck a match you were sure the whole compound would go up in flames. You had to get him out of your mind, so you finally agreed to be set up with Tony’s nephew, Ben. He was handsome, but nothing like Loki.

Loki hated that he had to deny his attraction to you in front of everyone. He wanted to reject you before you could hurt him. As soon as someone asked him about it, he vehemently denied the palpable chemistry that bubbled under his skin and filled the air with tension every time you were near. But you never said anything hurtful about him. You simply told the truth of the situation, not that those idiots believed it.

Loki walked down the long hallway to your apartment. He was coming to tell you goodbye. He and Thor were leaving for Asgard in an hour. He would be back in a few weeks, but couldn’t leave without seeing you. He knocked three times on the door, waiting to hear the shuffle of your feet on the hardwood floor, but it never came.

Instead, he heard you call out “Come in.” He entered, looking around for you. “I’ll be out in just a second. Have a seat.” Your voice sounded like it was coming from your bathroom. You had been waiting for Natasha to help you get ready for the party tonight.

You were so excited when you heard her knocking, you quickly got out of the shower wrapping a towel around you before exiting the steamy room. “I can’t decide which dress I want to wear, Nat. Ben’s favorite color is red, so I thought maybe this one.” You reached for the dress you had laid out on the back of your couch when Loki cleared his throat, revealing himself as your guest, not Natasha.

You jump, your erratic movements loosening the towel you thankfully put on before coming out. It drops to the floor with a thud. You and Loki remain silent for a second, staring at each other.

Loki’s eyes moved from your face to your exposed body. If you didn’t know better, you could have sworn he was checking you out. He was probably comparing you to the women back home. That made your stomach hurt. He grabbed your towel, handing it to you. You covered yourself, wishing the floor would open and swallow you whole.

When Loki and Thor arrived on Asgard, Loki couldn’t hold back the one question that was on his mind. “Thor, who the hel is Ben?” Thor smiled at his brother’s question. “He is Stark’s nephew. I heard he wishes to court Y/N. I thought she was yours. Are you losing your touch?” Loki turned to Thor ready to unleash his fury when their mother interrupted them.

At night fall, Loki left his chambers in search of Fiona. She was his favorite lover. He often spent his nights during his visits buried inside her. They had slept together countless times over the past two hundred years. They never caught feelings for each other. It was just sex to both of them. That’s why Loki always went back to her. She didn’t cling to him or try to make it more than it was.

Fiona welcomed Loki inside her home without a stitch of clothing on. “I’ve been expecting you, my Prince.” Loki pushes her on the bed quickly removing his shirt. Her lips work against his moving to his neck and down his muscled stomach.

Loki wasn’t one to think of others during sex. He liked to be in the moment with his partners. Which is why he was surprised when he started thinking of you. How it would feel to have your lips on his. If you would be timid or eager with your affection.

The image of your naked body was burned into his mind. You were even more beautiful than he had imagined. He wondered what it would be like to have you writhing underneath him in pleasure.

“Stop” he nearly shouted at Fiona, placing his hands on her shoulders to still her movements. “I’m sorry if I have displeased you.” “It’s not you, Fiona. I…. I have met someone.” As the words left his mouth, he felt relieved to finally admit it.

Fiona listened to him talk all night. He told her everything from the moment you met until the towel incident. When he finished speaking, Fiona told him that he should sleep with you to rid himself of the feelings he had for you.

“You lose interest quickly, once you’ve slept with someone. You have only kept me around because I feel nothing for you. Perhaps once you take her to bed, all those feelings will fade. You’ll see it was all just curiosity.” Loki smiled to himself. What a brilliant idea.

Part Four

Tags (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lokisgoodgirl @fictive-sl0th @lokidbadguy @ozymdias @cindylynn @potter-puff007 @cakesandtom @eleniblue @muddyorbsblr @marygoddessofmischief @coldnique @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @lokisninerealms @wheredafandomat @peaches1958 @freegardenbanananeck @chantsdemarins @lokidokieokie @anukulee @sheris532 @multifandom-worlds @lokixryss @javagirl328 @assemblingavenger @lilibet261 @lemonadygirl @joyofbebbanburg @bellajg21 @ladymischief11 @kats72 @evelyn-rathmore @innebulae @alexakeyloveloki @xorpsbane @itssomeonereading @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @navs-bhat

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki smut #loki #loki x reader smut #loki x yn #loki x yn smut #loki x y/n #loki fanfic #loki x you #loki imagine #loki marvel #mcu loki #loki god of mischief #out of my system

[cpressmn]

i love love love your prompts. 9 or 19, whichever you prefer <3

i was gonna try to combine them, but all i could think about was your fic so i decided to try and be original instead. hope it's everything you were dreaming it would be <3

19. sitting on each other's laps

“Nope, get up. That’s my seat.” Steve snaps his fingers at Dustin, other hand balancing his plate of pizza.

“You got up,” Dustin counters. “You forfeit all rights to your seat when you get up.”

Steve doesn’t bother arguing with the kid, knowing he’ll be met with a snotty, Those are the rules, Steve. What, you want me to change the universal laws of dibs for you? Get over it. Instead, he frowns at El, settled in between Dustin and Lucas on the couch in the Wheeler’s basement. “You were supposed to save my spot.”

She has the grace to look at least a little sorry. “I tried.”

“You have superpowers. Seems like maybe you could’ve tried a little harder.”

El shrugs, apparently done feeling apologetic.

“She just likes me more than she likes you. More than anyone, actually.” Dustin slings his arm around her shoulders, gummy smile on full display. “I’m her favorite.”

“Ha.” Max’s eyes are unfocused, but she still manages to fling an unimpressed look in Dustin’s direction, shifting in her wheelchair next to the couch.

“I’m her favorite boy,” Dustin corrects.

“Hey! What about me?” Lucas pouts.

“I’m literally her boyfriend,” Mike says from where he’s sitting on the recliner opposite Eddie, taking a break from their discussion about the latest campaign to scold his best friends.

“Tough shit. Still her favorite.”

El looks at Mike, then at Lucas, at Dustin, considering, and back to Mike. “Dustin’s my favorite,” she confirms.

“That’s messed up,” Lucas mutters, accepting Max’s consoling pat on his arm.

“Congratulations,” Steve says dryly, interrupting Dustin’s cheers of victory and Mike’s flustered protests. “Now where am I supposed to sit?”

“You can sit right here, princess.”

Eddie, comfortably sprawled in one of the recliners, pats his lap and grins smugly at Steve, like he knows his invitation won’t be accepted.

It’s been some kind of unspoken competition between the two of them lately, seeing who can get under the kids’ skin the fastest with their excessive displays of affection and pet names. It started with a co-parenting bit the kids developed several weeks back. The dipshits love to tease them, enjoy how frustrated Steve gets when they call him their mom and Eddie their dad, and the best way to get them to lay off, Steve had reasoned, was to lean into it. 

Instead of huffing or rolling his eyes the next time the kids told Eddie to “talk some sense into his wife,” Steve had said, “Eddie agrees with me. Don’t you, honey?” while unnecessarily straightening the collar of Eddie’s jacket, pressed close into his space. 

Eddie’s eyes had widened in surprise, but only briefly. Almost immediately, his hands were settled on Steve’s hips, and he was crooning something ridiculous, along the lines of, “Always, baby.” It had the kids gagging in response, making various faces and comments that all meant the same thing: they hated seeing the two of them act like this. 

Which is, of course, exactly why Steve and Eddie keep doing it.

It’s like a game of Gay Chicken, except the only people they’re trying to freak out are their obnoxious observers. 

So when Eddie offers his lap and looks at Steve like he knows he won’t do it, like this is too far outside the range of Steve’s comfort level, Steve rises to the challenge.

Like he does most things in his life, Steve doesn’t think it through very much, just shrugs and plops down in Eddie’s lap. “Thanks,” he says over his shoulder, relishing the surprised sound Eddie lets slip.

It’s more uncomfortable than he thought it would be, and he shifts around a little, fully blaming Eddie’s skinny ass legs. He’s never actually sat in someone’s lap before, though, so maybe he’s a little to blame, too. 

He always loved being the one with a lapful of the latest girl he was flirting with. He got to wrap his arms around her waist, tug her closer to his chest. It was easy to access her ear for whispered conversations and her neck for teasing kisses. And it was always nice, being that close to someone, the weight of them bearing down on him pleasant. Comforting, even.

This, though, being on the other end of it, isn’t as fun as he thought it would be. His thighs are tense, still holding himself up so he doesn’t crush Eddie beneath him, and he feels about two seconds away from toppling over. 

“You’re not gonna break me, you know.” Eddie’s voice is low, his breath hot on the back of Steve’s neck, and Steve fights like hell to suppress a shudder. He’s supposed to be the one with the upper hand in all this. “I’m stronger than I look. Relax.”

Eddie’s arm loops around his middle and pulls him in, and Steve finally lets himself melt into his hold, resting his full weight on Eddie. He wraps an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and angles his body inward, keeping one leg tucked between both of Eddie’s and draping the leg closest to Eddie across Eddie’s other leg. He doesn’t resist it when Eddie grabs Steve’s outer thigh, keeping him in place. Steve would never admit it, but it’s almost…nice. Being held by Eddie like this. Possibly even better than being the one doing the holding. 

“Must you? There’s a stool, like, right next to you,” Dustin says, pointing to the stool that is, in fact, available and right next to them.

Whatever. Steve shrugs. “This is more comfortable.”

“Aww, sweetheart,” Eddie coos and taps Steve’s nose with his ringed forefinger. Steve narrows his eyes. Leave it to Eddie to keep trying to one-up him. Trying and succeeding, which is the most irritating part.

“Ew,” Max says after Lucas explains to her what they’re doing. “Can you not?”

“Seriously. We were in the middle of a conversation,” Mike adds on, eyeing Steve with disdain.

“And? I’m not stopping you.” Steve takes a bite of his pizza. Pretends like this is completely normal and not at all affecting him in any way.

He feels, more than hears, Eddie chuckling and has to bite back his own smile in response. “Continue, Wheeler,” Eddie beckons, and everyone resumes their conversations before Steve interrupted them so he could sit on Eddie’s lap.

At least, Steve thinks they do. It’s hard to focus on anything other than the way Eddie is unconsciously rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against Steve’s waist. It’s a little dizzying, and Steve blames his recent dry spell on his reaction to such a simple touch. To any of Eddie’s touches as of late. He’s just desperate for any kind of human contact, so it only makes sense that he’s more sensitive to it, no matter who it’s coming from. 

He’s startled out of his thoughts when El makes Dustin’s drink explode in his face. Dr. Pepper drips off his nose, and the room erupts into laughter as he lunges to wipe his face off on her sleeve despite her twisting away, squealing. 

Eddie laughs, delighted, never tired of El’s displays of her powers, and his grip on Steve tightens. When he turns to Steve with his bright eyes and dimpled cheeks, Steve is powerless to do anything but return his smile and hope it doesn’t look too dopey. 

Maybe Eddie would want to try this again during movie night this week. Steve reaches up to grasp his other wrist, properly encircling Eddie’s neck with his arms, and sinks further into Eddie’s hold. The kids would hate it. 

#pretty sure this is going to be the opening to a longer fic i'm working on so for now it won't go on ao3 #anyway ty for prompting vio!!!! 🫶 #your options were excellent it was so hard to choose between them #steddie #steddie prompts #asks #steddie fic #.docx #yes this does have some background #henderhop #mostly platonic though but it can be read as romantic. they're just a very underrated and special dynamic TOME #toburnup

[pupmkincake2000]

The main problem in Stardew Valley and DBH fandom is that people often misinterpret the characters' personalities and behavior. Especially when it comes to shipping or relationships. In Stardew it's Shane, in DBH it's Hank.

I often see people say that Shane “can be a good friend, but he will make a bad husband. A Farmer shouldn’t marry him. He’s an alcoholic, he can’t be fixed.”

And I see almost the same thing about Hank: “Connor shouldn’t be his nanny, this is consumerism on Hank’s part, he's alcoholic, he can’t be fixed” and a lot of other things like this.

But this is actually sad to realize that this is the way people perceive the usual care that any good person would show towards their friend or lover or just someone close. Although, people like when characters take care of each other, yet when we talk about Shane and Hank, people consider this care to be nothing but some kind od babysitting or other crap that actually has nothing to do with the Shane/Farmer and Hank/Connor relationships.

Let me explain.

For starters, what do Shane and Hank have in common? They are both deeply depressed, both have lost the will and interest in life after the death of someone dearest, both have suicidal tendencies and drink alcohol.

However, both still cling to life, despite all the pain they experience, both work hard. The main argument against Shane is his messy room after the wedding and the fact that he drinks cider or beer about twice a week. Hank's house is a bit of a mess too. Still, both of them are incredibly strong. Shane is aware of his problem, as well as Hank, the Farmer just needs to push him a little so he could start healing. In Hank's case, Connor helps him to believe that the world can become a better place.

It is very difficult for people who have never dealt with depression to understand those who have it. This illness cannot be removed simply by taking a pill. It can torture you from the inside for many years and you may simply not know that you have depression. In this state, it is very difficult to take care of yourself, or even think about cleaning the house you live in, it is very difficult to concentrate on work, you may have problems with memory, sleep, you may be haunted by constant fatigue and suicidal thoughts, which are incredibly difficult to get rid of. For some people with depression, it will take years to even feel a little better. Depression may not go away at all and you will have to take pills and visit a psychiatrist for the rest of your life. At the same time, you may think that you are just a lazy piece of shit who simply cannot clean up your own apartment. Depression is scary.

I can tell as a person who has depression, officially confirmed by specialists. Living with depression means fighting for your life every day. And, unfortunately, it is almost impossible to cope with it alone. Often, in order to simply start fighting depression, people need a push and help, and those who say such nasty things about Hank and Shane do not understand this.

There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in accepting help.

What Farmer and Connor do is not babysitting, it is caring.

Shane and Hank don't need to be fixed, and I am truly disgusted by those who say "they can't be fixed".

Shane and Hank are not broken (depressed people are not broken). They are desperate, in pain and need help and care.

Both Connor and Farmer help them

heal.

They don't try to fix them,

they just help them heal.

This is what

care

is.

Many people say that Connor shouldn’t become a housewife/babysitter/nanny etc. for Hank… but excuse me, if your loved one gets sick, will you not take care of them? Will you not cook them food and support them during a difficult period of life? Does caring mean being a housewife/babysitter/nanny etc.?

It's called caring, caring for someone you love, and that's what Connor and Farmer do. They take care of Hank and Shane when the men have a difficult period of life. And accepting this care, this love, accepting this help is not selfishness or consumerism or predatory behavior. This is normal for those who sincerely want to survive and recover. Heal.

There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in accepting help/love, remember?

Yeah, Shane doesn't stop drinking right away. If you have depression and drink because of it, it is very difficult to stop drinking right away. And a can of beer twice a week is not a crime. However, Shane tries, he really tries to heal, he looks after the house, helps on the farm and wants a family. Same thing with Hank. It is unlikely that he will immediately stop drinking, but he is also trying, he began to smile sincerely and was ready to give his life for even the tiniest hope that the world could be better, that androids would become the new hope of humanity.

It is incredibly difficult for depressed people to accept help from others. The fact that Hank accepted Connor, believed the android is alive and tried to protect the androids, only tells us he was ready to fight for his life, that he wanted to live and to be happy again, and it was Connor who was the one who gave him that push, it was Connor who became the reason of Hank's healing. And for Shane it was Farmer and there is nothing wrong with them getting married, because Shane, just like Hank, is ready to change, ready to heal, ready to fight for his happiness.

Hank and Shane are wonderful characters, and I believe they deserve love and happiness more than anyone else.

#dbh rk800 #hank anderson #dbh hank #dbh #dbh connor #connor x hank #detroit: become human #hankcon #detroitbecomehuman #detroit become human #shane x farmer #stardew shane #stardew valley #stardew farmer #conhank #rk800 #rk800connor #connor rk800 #depression #pumkin says

[missvelvetsstuff]

The Wrong One

Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader met Steve while he was on the run and stood behind him through everything. Until he saw Peggy Carter.

Chapter 12: Moving Again

Warnings: swearing, angst

While they felt some relief at Steve accepting some responsibility for this mess, Y/N couldn't help but over think and worry.

"You know, it would have been better if Steve had just come and talked to us instead of getting the press involved. I mean, now the world knows there's a super soldier baby and the press knows where I live. I doubt it would be hard to figure out where she is." She ranted

"I don't trust Steve's motives, going straight to the press seems, I don't know, questionable. Like he's more concerned with salvaging his reputation with the public than actually trying to accept responsibility."

She thought for a moment. "I hate thinking like this but what if we gave Winnie a tracker chip? I mean, I might be paranoid but that way we could always find her. In case Steve or whoever tried something."

Bucky nodded "That might not be a bad idea. Now that he's confirmed everything to the world, those bad actors that are building Hydra, and other criminal organizations, back up might come looking."

He paused for a moment, nervous to broach the subject "Do you think your place is really safe? I mean, now that it's public knowledge."

She growled at him "You know we wouldn't be in the position if you and Sam could keep your mouths shut. What kind of spies can't keep one damn secret?" Her voice rose at the end and Winnie whined "Oh no baby, I'm so sorry. Your father and uncles are just dumbasses."

Bucky looked at his feet "I know, doll. I'm so sorry and plan to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I didn't think Steve would cause so many problems but I never thought he would leave you for Peggy without even telling you so I don't seem to be the best judge of who he is these days. I'll do whatever I can to fix this."

She sighed "I don't know, Bucky, you may be right.  My house might not be the safest place anymore. I need to talk to Pepper. Before I go home."

She sent a text to her friend to stop by and visit when she had the time.

They spent most of the day relaxing and bonding with Winnie. She gave Bucky smiles when she heard his voice and Y/N had never seen him light up like when she did.

Pepper stopped by at dinner time, followed by Happy who carried a number of take out bags from her favorite steak house.

Pepper set down a huge arrangement of pink roses in a crystal vase and gave them a big smile. "Look at this happy little family. We have to have some pictures done." She turned to Happy "Can you see if Peter can come by tomorrow and get some pictures?"

Happy nodded "Of course. She's beautiful."

Y/N smiled and thanked him.

Pepper set out food and made a plate for Y/N, trading Winnie between them.

While they ate, Y/N brought up her concerns about security. Pepper had seen Steves presser and had been concerned herself.

After thinking for a few minutes Pepper figured it out. "I know you don't want to move again but I think Bucky is right, your place has been exposed but I think I have a solution" she smiled "On the same property where Morgan and I are living, there's another cabin. 3 bedrooms and a fully updated kitchen, like my cabin. It's been empty for a bit so needs to be cleaned and the security would need upgrading. It's on the other side of the lake so you'd be close but still have your privacy."

She looked to Happy "Can you make some calls and get that started?"

Happy nodded and left the room.

Pepper started cleaning up their food "You should stay here in the Tower until the cabin is ready. Shouldn't be more than a week and you'll be safe here. We can take care of the move so you don't have to deal with all that."

"Pepper, I don't know how to thank you. It's so much."

Pepper shook her head "Then don't worry about it. I'm glad to help and the cabin has just been sitting there gathering dust." She smirked at Y/N "Besides, it'll be nice to have a sitter close by."

Y/N grinned "I don't know how soon I'll be up for babysitting a kid as active as Morgan but yeah, when I'm healed. Of course."

That evening Steve came by again obviously pleased with himself "Did you see it? I fixed everything so we can be happy together again."

He picked Winnie up from her bassinet, waking her up.

Bucky wanted to mention that Winnie had just fallen asleep but bit his tongue and watched to see how Steve would handle her.

Y/N shook her head "No, Steve. We won't be together again. I thought I made that clear. And while I appreciate your attempt to make things right, now everyone knows for sure there's a super soldier baby and the press knows where I live. My house won't be safe for us anymore."

Steve smiled brightly "You can stay with me. I'll protect you both." Winnie wasn't happy about being woken up and started squirming in his arms.

She sighed "It's like talking to a brick wall. No Steve we're done. I have a place to go but will be staying in the Tower until it's ready."

His smile fell "Where is it? I can go make sure it's secure." Winnie started fussing, not familiar with the scent or voice of the person holding her.

Bucky spoke up "I don't think that's a good idea. We will be here for now and can meet here for visits after that. The fewer people who know where they live the better."

Steve bristled "Why can't I ever talk to Y/N without you butting into something that's none of your damn business? You are always with her like some pathetic puppy." Winnie felt the tension and started bawling, trying to push away from him.

Bucky glared at him "It's my business because I've been here when you weren't" he quickly took Winnie from Steve and she calmed right away for him which only upset Steve more.

"She won't get used to me if you don't let me hold her." Steve snapped. "You won't let me hold her, won't tell me where they're moving to. Seems like you're working pretty hard to keep my daughter away from me. I thought we were all going to be adults about this."

Bucky smiled down at Winnie who gave him a big, drool filled, toothless grin. "You don't need to be holding her when you're all wound up like that. The rest is for their safety"

He took her hand and planted a raspberry on her palm and she laughed at him. He whispered softly "That's my girl."

Steve clenched his jaw, angry and frustrated at his own daughter preferring his friend over him. He sat on a chair in the corner of the room and sulked.

Y/N rolled her eyes at him acting like a baby but kept her mouth shut.

The next week was relatively calm. Steve stayed in the Tower too and did everything he could to get Y/N and Winnie alone. Bucky's presence alone was enough to upset Steve. He was still angry about Bucky's bond with Winnie and the tension didn't help her like him any better. He also refused to change diapers at all, something about it being womans work and even mocked Bucky for doing anything Y/N or Winnie needed.

Y/N had a discussion with Helen Cho and a tracking chip was implanted on Winnie. She only cried for a moment.

Finally it was time to move into her new house. They waited until Steve was out of town for the day in the hopes of keeping the location secret from him.

Y/N had a feeling he was closer than she wanted and would find out where she was living before too long.

Y/N was overwhelmed at the cabin. It was perfectly rustic on the outside but had every possible convenience inside. The interior was freshly painted and most of her furniture had been moved already.

Once they were settled in and everyone else had gone Y/N and Bucky took Winnie to sit on the swing that took up half of the front porch. All they could hear were crickets and frogs with the occasional owl or other bird chiming in. The sky was clear and full of stars that Winnie was staring and pointing at as Bucky named the constellations for her.

Life was relatively quiet for a few months. Bucky helped Sam on missions when needed but was always anxious to get home to his girls.

Winnie was growing quickly, already trying to crawl and getting into everything.

Y/N healed quickly and worked the baby weight off chasing after a baby that shouldn't be so mobile yet.

Y/N and Bucky were cautiously taking baby steps towards each other although they hadn't done anything more than some heated making out.

Steve finally learned how to change a diaper, since Y/N insisted he learn how to care for Winnie properly before he was allowed to take her on his own.

When she was 6 months old Steve had finally learned how to change and feed her well enough that Y/N was convinced he could care for Winnie on his own. That didn't dispel her concerns that he might try to disappear with Winnie but Y/N started letting him take her for a few hours or even an entire day but not overnight.

One weekend when Winnie was almost 8 months old, and trying to walk, Steve came to take her for the afternoon but promised to have her back before her bedtime at 7pm.

Y/N and Bucky went on a date to a nice restaurant where they were in their own little bubble for a little while. When her alarm went off they hurried to meet Steve at the tower only to find he wasn't there yet, even though they were almost 20 minutes late. Y/N tried not to panic.

Bucky squeezed her hand "I'm sure they got caught up in traffic or something. Steve was always a stickler for punctuality so I'm sure he will be here soon."

Y/N nodded hesitantly, it had taken a lot of time and counseling for her to trust Steve with Winnie away from her. She laughed nervously "I know, we've been doing this for 2 months and he's always here on time so maybe I should trust him but it's hard and she's everything to me."

"I know doll, just give him a little longer and she'll be back in your arms where she belongs." Bucky tried to reassure her even though he was getting nervous too.

When she looked up and saw it was over an hour since their scheduled time, Y/N started to panic.

Bucky tried to soothe her with little success so decided to call Steve and see what was holding him up. His heart stopped when the recording told him the number was no longer available.

Y/N looked to him hopefully but her stomach fell when she saw the look on his face "What's wrong Buck?"

He shook his head and stammered "Says the number isn't available."

Her eyes grew and tears started to gather right away. "No, no, he wouldn't hhe he promised. Maybe he blocked you or..." She tore through her purse in a panic, looking for her own phone. Maybe she missed his call.

When she found her phone she saw there were no calls or messages and quickly hit Steve's name on her contacts. Bucky knew from her face that she got the same recording and he pulled her close.

He was going to kill Steve when he found him.

Chapter 13

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #angst with a happy ending #steve rogers x reader #the wrong one

[mrs-monaghan]

Shaz i Just realized something today. Pple really need to start taking you more seriously when u say certain things. I remember months ago, you mentioned a few times that you know Jk would very much like to go Live with Jimin but maybe Jimin is the one who doesn’t want to. I remember saying to myself “nah Shaz is probably talking outta her ass and being very taekookerish rn” lol. But u were vindicated cuz we came to find out that Jk does indeed want to do a live with Jimin but Jimin is playing hard to get. I also remember you talking about how Jk hates the vermin but I personally had not seen any reason to believe he hated them cuz he still hung out with Tae and stuff but i guess these last few months or weeks have proved you right again because the whole world can clearly see that Jk has a problem with those pple. Let’s start with him looking almost disgusted at the mere thought of living with Tae, or how visibly uncomfortable he looked when he kept getting questioned about Tae on that Live, and also how everytime he does stuff for Jimin, the cult start manifesting he does the same for Tae and he just doesn’t. And now after liking that Jin video from a tk page, he went ahead to (probably) delete the comment prolly cus his algorithm got messed up with tk stuff. My point is, I won’t be completely closed minded to certain theories u come up with cuz u’ve actually been proven right quite a few times. Cuz who would hv thought we would see an almost desperate Jk insisting for Jimin to let him come over and do a live? I never thought i’d live to see a day like that lol.

Let’s be honest, pple wanna be like shippers this shippers that, but the truth is, Jk has never shown any discomfort at pple thinking he is fucking Jimin. Not even once, hell he is the only one feeding us jokers now cuz Jimin aint giving us shit to eat. Without Jk alot of us might have thought they broke up and gone about our lives but everyone can see clearly that Jk is the one still keeping us grounded in our Jikook belief. He does all these but doesn’t care to feed tkkrs at all. The only thing he does which feeds them is basically hanging out with his friend Tae. That’s literally it! He doesn’t go out of his way to do anything that might feed the vermin and that is why now, they are claiming Jk is Tae’s washing machine and Tae is Jk’s refrigerator lmaoo. That is why now they are getting hit tweets by claiming that old sounding hacking and coughing we heard from Tae’s live was Jk lmaoo. That is why now they are photoshopping blurry af pic to claim that tk went on a restaurant date and a beach date😂😂😂😂. Tae used to feed them alot b4 but for some reason he stopped so they basically hv nothing these days. Plus taennie gets one step closer to getting properly confirmed everyday and they are losing it. Now they are planning to hit us with “Jikook is fake love” everytime we have something to celebrate lmaooo.

Anyways, i respect you my dear. I’ve learned my lesson. From today i’ll be more open minded even when some of ur theories sound a lil taekookerish lol.

How I'm I supposed to take this ask?

I have said this a milli times; i go by history. My theories and conclusions depend on history. Has JK done this before? Have Jikook behaved like this before? The number one reason why Jikook stand out to alot of people is CONSISTENCY. This is why people like me who are convinced they're together believe this to be the truth. Because they are sooooo fucking consistent. Yeah after year after year they act the same, they are the same. Their behaviour towards eo has remained the same.

So no, I'm not all knowing or a Jikook professional but I am quite good at remembering useless things that will not help me IRL in any way shape or form. I will have dated my fiance for 4 years in October and I still mistake his year of birth. Thats right, I keep forgetting my fiancé's year of birth. But I know that when Jimin had his foot on JK's crotch, that took place in Bon Voyage season 1 episode 6, but we only see it in episode 8 the finale at 38 minutes in.

That's my mind ladies and gentlemen. 🤦🏽‍♀️

JK has been debunking tkkrs for years. Its not new. He genuinely does not like them. We know this because he goes above and beyond to correct anything that may be construed as him and V being a couple. But u will never catch him doing this for Jimin/ to Jikookers. And yes, this is fact.

We don't get debunked, we get fed.

I've consumed enough BTS content to see it happen so me drawing to this conclusion stems from HISTORY. (And talking with a bunch of great friends who love to analyse) All year we had seen JK be defiant and go against the company and be unapologetic about it. While we had Jimin telling him to stop drinking on live, making fun of JK for singing unholy (a sexual song) on live. So it only made sense to conclude Jimin was the hesitant one. Not JK. Jungkook aint scared to blow shit up but his boyfriend sure is.

If you work with the belief that Jimin and JK are a couple, all that's left is to observe. And u will come to the same conclusions that i (and my pals) do.

When Jikookers make delulu theories I believe we are allowed to. Because Jikook is real and because of this, we are most likely correct. Jikook have done some crazy shit over the years, u can't blame us for coming up with some crazy theories.

Thanks anon, I guess? 😳😳

#make no mistake thou #I'm still hella nuts #he he heee #ask shaz #bts ask #jikook is real

[perelka-l]

All the moments Light and Near would probably kill each other if given a chance to be within vicinity of less than 20km of each other that I find amusing (when I think about it, Near is at least a continent across from Light at most of the time so that distance could be bigger, and we all know what happened when they ended up in the same room).

Let's start with the classic. First sentence and guy was itching for a pen.

Bitch thought he was the boss hilarious ain't it

"Who is this guy" and thus Light will spend pondering on this next *checks timeline* a bit over two months, wow

Anyway I wanna see how you fuck this up good luck

As a side note I deeply believe Rester is deeply unappreciated in terms of *makes swooping movements with hands* everything. Dilfery. Anyway, here he serves as a translator of Near's thoughts into polite.

hey bitch how are you doing with this mess

I would elaborate here but there is a fuckmothering missile in play so yanno.

Near is like ayyyyy casually getting people in to question them, the famous hobby of his, meanwhile Light is back on his "oh no if i say x he will think i am kira" let's give him a bit of time

and you fucked up, "L". everything is your fault. sucks to be you.

(I probs would also fuck up but you were the one to do the fuckup so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

ngl i feel like he is mocking Light here a lil' and it's not a genuine plan, especially considering that within next two pages he grills Yagami senior for confirmation that yep, it was Mello

sucks to be you,, gotta suffer

anyway i don't need you anymore "L". Light itching for that notebook so hard.

you haven't done shit so basically I used you when it was convenient for me LOL

hilariously light is very pissed even though like. That's why he was L for all those years. And yet he still gets furious. Just amazing.

Light gets owned by a froggy Near and it's a true delight to watch how Near just casually belittles him like that. Peak entertainment.

He was so happy to hear Near miserable after THAT exchange like wow you got fucked a lil' you dumb kid (he doesn't know he's a kid yet)

"see this is what happens when you ignore the power of the notebook lol" "hey i wonder who is a dumb bitch who lost it" PEAK

who are you where is light what have you done with him

"L2" he ain't backing up that easily, he had to let out that one little snark huh

Geee Light I wonder why people assume that

I WONDER.

Honey calm down I know you just got dick sucked by president of USA but calm down

Anyway few explosions and some troops being thrown back and forth later, Light has to get used to Near being annoying. Again.

Week is a long time tbf like you have this little guy calling you every day while you are trying to not have your evil plans backfire into your face smh

give him time babe, he'll get there

"my sus detector is ringing like crazy"

Anyway, allow me to continue later.

#perelka dot txt #aw fuck it #death note #nate river #light yagami #raito yagami

[the-stove-is-divorced]

What is your favorite scene in Invincible?

Personally, I was extremely hooked by the eighth episode in season one. GOOD LORD I rewatched Mark and Nolan's fight at least 50 times. I love how Mark's desperate denial, anger and slow acceptance of how things actually were is shown on his face the whole time. Everything happens so fast he doesn't have a choice but to react in the moment and process later. The people in the subway die beacuse he wasn't strong enough. His father started this whole mess because he was getting antsy about Mark not getting powers and his mission breathing down his neck. Maybe if Mark had developed his powers faster, he would have been stronger and able to stop his dad. If he had taken his training more seriously, he would have been more capable and less people would have died.

Was his whole life a lie, the years spent admiring his father worthless? The now downturned family pictures a constant reminder of what his life should have continued to be like. How many nights does Mark spend awake thinking about this, replaying his greatest, most painful loss over and over again?

Shower thoughts. They come and haunt me for the rest of the day. Week. Month. Year. Send help-

OH MY?? WHAT A LOVELY QUESTION! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

But funny enough, that scene is actually one of my favorites! I can confirm it will never stop haunting you. You will be consumed by the pure what the fuckery of that scene and all it's delightful implications forevermore. Like oh my goodness, it is such a good fight scene! It's incredibly well animated, first of all. Like hello, give those animators a raise and a paid vacation. But then complimenting the animation is the VA's and writing! Also deserving of a raise and vacation. They absolutely cooked here, it's so scrumptious it's actually sickening.

There's such a masterful display of dread and horror building as Mark's own world, how he views his father, how he thinks about heroism, his power, his blood, is being completely will forever be changed! The way he views his own father will forever tainted by Nolan's completely willing displays of such egregious cruelties.

Literally everything you said above is something I'm sure Mark thinks about constantly, and how could you not? It's horrific to witness in general, but so insidiously personal as his own father slaughters innocents while insisting it's his fault. The massive amount of guilt that falls upon Mark's shoulders has got to be insane. And he almost died himself! By his father's hand! When the show switched between Nolan beating him bloody to Nolan proudly holding a young Mark up after a home run? Bro, I was sobbing.

And YES! How do you comprehend that the same father who said he loved you, that loved a planet enough to protect it, who saved countless of lives, who was proud of you, raised you, helped you, is also the same person who slaughtered thousands and blamed you for not joining him in planetary colonization, killing with his bare hands and insist it's Mark's fault, all while Mark is struggling between saving the victims, fighting Nolan, and trying to survive Nolan, himself. INSANE!

What makes it so much worse is just before this Mark kinda got what he wanted, if he was fighting side by side with his Dad! He still was feeling hopeless about how impactful he's supposed to be, but in that moment he was helping his Dad fight some beast together. And then it completely unravels.

And speaking of unraveling, the s2 scene as Mark is held by the neck from Nolan, whose screaming at him why he cares about an entirely different civilization being destroyed after just showing Mark he meant every single word about replacing his family entirely? I was gagged. I was screaming at the TV. I was sobbing on the floor. That lives in my head rent free every single second of my life. There is no escape. It felt like looking at a healing, deadly wound that just barely cost a victim's life, one that still aches on bad days and could make one wince if straining, and then tearing it open with a rusty knife. Oh my god. Nolan confirming everything he told Mark in s1 and then holding him by the fucking neck, and screaming at him?

Tysm for the asks!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ I fucking love this show so much. Mark my beloved and Nolan my beloathed.

#invincible #asks #I LOVE THIS SHOW SMMMM #THAT FIGHT SCENE FUCKS ME UP TO THIS DAY!! happy to know I'm not alone oh my goodness #s2 tho? knife to my healing one #survived bleeding out only to be caught quivering on the floor in anguish #I LOVE IT

[mllemaenad]

The Magnus Protocol: Running on Empty

While I have nothing but sympathy for the poor tutor who had to mark that essay, I must admit I enjoy the return to stories where a survivor recounts a bizarre supernatural experience.

It's not that I can't take an episode where the monster wins – those can be very effective. But, well, while I enjoyed the overarching plot in the fifth season of The Magnus Archives, I must admit I enjoyed the individual stories significantly less than the ones in the previous seasons. Mostly because they weren't stories so much as descriptions of suffering. Because the victims generally had little sense of a time before or after their torment, you missed out on all the bits about how they got themselves into this mess, how they got themselves out of it, and what they thought the whole thing meant. The personalities, the individual characters who came and went after their one weird thing, were part of the fun. And they were largely absent.

The cases in The Magnus Protocol aren't exactly like that, of course: you can glean a bunch of background, at least, by reading between the lines. But still. There's something immensely cheering about getting a couple of stories where someone essentially rolls in to declare "So that was weird, right?" and then wander off again.

Also, apparently Norris doesn't like the night shift.

It's interesting how similar the last two cases are. Dianne didn't seem like the type to use terms like "liminal spaces", but Hilltop Road has very literally been a threshold between worlds:

Martin/Annabelle Once there was a house, a building that, for all it might have looked like those around it, was not the same. Stop, no. It didn’t start with the house. It was here long before any might have thought of it as a home. Once, there was a patch of land, not quite as firm in this reality as that which surrounded it. Stop, no. It’s not about the land. Mud and soil has no part in what is there. Once, there was a point in space that did not quite obey all those petty rules that decide what can be allowed to happen in a world. Stop, no. It’s not a point in space. The Earth spins and hurtles through the darkness, but it still carries it along. Let us simply say that once there was a place. A place where the universe had… cracked. – The Magnus Archives: This Old House

And if you don't know that, then you do know that Hilltop Centre's status as a charity shop makes it a way station for objects of all kinds. And this place let those almost-human people in, and let them bring their weird objects with them.

The people in Running on Empty put me in mind of the gibbering crowd in Lost in the Crowd, whereas the volunteers in Give and Take reminded me of the students in Anatomy Class, but that's more a question of degree than kind. The latter put on a good enough show that it took weeks to really confirm there was something wrong with them; the former could be spotted almost instantly. Both are stories of the uncanny valley: the thing that is almost but not quite human. And in both cases the victim is very nearly overwhelmed by the crowd: objects crushing, or "people" biting, sure, but both instances of being isolated, outnumbered and then assaulted.

Poor Terrance is a perfect victim, as well: he already has a nervous breakdown on record, which will mark him as an unreliable witness, he is isolated enough that nobody reported him missing after his incident, and his job requires him to spend a great deal of time alone.

Norris is describing the situation in the OIAR perfectly. They are a small number of people working a night shift in an old building clearly intended to contain more staff:

Celia Sure, no worries. I’ll be honest, I thought there’d be more people working here given the size of the building? Sam Yeah, no we’re, uh… Alice Streamlined? – The Magnus Protocol: Introductions

The point of their work is deeply obscure to them:

Sam Where does it go? Alice If I were a betting woman, I'd say some long dead database that no-one will ever look at or care about. Sam So why do it? Alice Because that's what they're paying us to do. – The Magnus Protocol: First Shift

Their odd hours put them out of step with normal social conventions:

Gertrude To what do we owe this early morning… pleasure. Sam Oh yeah, sorry we work nights so… Gertrude So? – The Magnus Protocol: Running on Empty

And the place has high turnover and burn out rates. Colin is clearly not coping – he is absolutely right about the electronics being weird, but he isn't dealing with that information very well – Sam is struggling with the sleep schedule, Gwen is stressed enough that she's about to commit a murder over an empty kettle and Alice ... unflappable Alice is worried:

Alice Just been a lot of changes round here recently. I don’t love it. Teddy, Sam, Celia, and did you hear Lena put Colin on “mental health leave”? – The Magnus Protocol: Running on Empty

It's not clear whether the computer voices are aware of each other, so calling it coordinated is probably overstepping the available evidence at this point: but Chester and Norris do seem to have delivered almost exactly the same warning. What might the staff of the OIAR be in danger of letting in?

The story also continues its thread of visual communication, with Gerry's painting. Gerard Keay has always been a painter, of course. But if The Magnus Archives needed to give you a visual, it simply did:

Archivist/Dominic Swain Instead, my attention was fixed on a picture attached to the one small area of wall not covered by bookshelves. It was a painting of an eye. Very detailed, and at first I almost would have said almost photorealistic, but the more I looked at it, the more I saw the patterns and symmetries that formed into a single image, until I was so focused on them that I started to have difficulty seeing the eye itself. Written below it were three lines, in fine green calligraphy: “Grant us the sight that we may not know. Grant us the scent that we may not catch. Grant us the sound that we may not call.” – The Magnus Archives: Pageturner

But here there is:

The video you could not watch

The alert that was not read out by a text-to-speech program

The email you could not read

The painting you could not see

The painting might not be anything, of course. But if you knew something could hear you but not see you, a person might resort to communicating purely through a visual medium. "John" apparently sent Sam Gertrude and Gerry's address. But nobody knew that until they got there, and so they travelled unmolested.

It's hard to say for sure what this universe's Gertrude knows – although I'm going to assume she knows something of significance, or she wouldn't be here – but it makes an interesting contrast to The Magnus Archives. There, the primary concern was being seen, and Gertrude was paranoid enough on that front to cut out the eyes from the illustrations in all her books. So one might expect equally paranoid behaviour if the concern was being heard.

The actual arrival of Gertrude and Gerry is fun: I enjoyed both characters, so I'm happy to see more (although if I get to wish to see an existing character, it's Adelard Dekker; I was always a little sad that we never got to properly meet him). It is suggestive of the way the world works that they're together, though.

I mean – I know this isn't the kind of alternate universe story where the Roman Empire never fell. It's recognisable modern day Britain, so I assume just about everybody still hates Margaret Thatcher and it's customary to drive on the left hand side of the road.

But it's a different world, and the history relevant to the story has not played out the same way. And yet, Gertrude and Gerard Keay are still a duo. Are there some things that are always true, then, no matter the world? I'd be interested to learn how it came about, though. That Sam was personally traumatised by The Magnus Institute isn't exactly surprising: he hardly hid his interest, after all. But Gerard Keay? Signing her kid up for a "gifted" program at The Magnus Institute doesn't sound like Mary Keay's style at all: she valued her independence too much. So what happened there?

And what is Georgie doing? It does make one wonder what life would have been like for her and Melanie – the first ones, I mean – when the world was put back together. Everyone clearly remembered what had happened, or they wouldn't have bothered to murder Simon Fairchild. So they would always be set apart.

My general thoughts on the plan are that it is reasonable to pass the entities along. Sure, it's a trolley problem. Nobody likes a trolley problem. But you are setting a risk of harm to the denizens of other worlds against the certain deaths of everyone in yours. So – sure, have at it.

But if you do that, you have now made yourself responsible for those worlds. You know what these things are, and you know how they operate. The people in other worlds likely do not, and won't know how to defend themselves.

So maybe, now, you have a responsibility to do something about that. Ha. Like make a really good podcast about it.

#the magnus protocol #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus archives

[hoony-parker]

Um hey

I never requested something from anyone cause I don't do good with these

But what about meeting Eddie after being away for long period, and him introducing us to the fellows?

I'm terribly sorry if this is a bad idea

notes: hi sweets, thanks for the request! this is my first eddie fic! i hope you enjoy it <3

warnings: implieded smut, a little angst, make out sesh (heh) and a lot of fluff, bad writing and no proofreading.

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

w/c: 5.2k (oh goodness)

eddie had always thought sunny days were pretty.

don't get him wrong, he still wanted to keep the dark image of himself he let the others see of him. he'll still wear all black, hear metal and pretend he really is in a cult— just to mess with those who would actually ask him such an idiotic question.

and eddie would also never, ever let anyone know he thought sunny days were pretty.

but yes, he pretty much enjoyed them. the sky would just turn this beautiful light blue color he loved ever since he was little and played in the garden, in one of those crazy days his father would let him do whatever he wanted without ordering him around.

and, when his uncle wayne took him in, they'd go to the forest the first weekend from every month and spend the whole days and night there, enjoying the good weather and the famous barbecues.

when the sun shone, the birds would chirp and laugh from the kids in the trailer park seemed happier.

and, when eddie met you on a sunny day, there was no doubt left for him to confirm that yes, sunny days were his absolute favourite.

and he'd remember that day all those years ago, when your little seven-ish year old self sprinted around the trailer park with a pretty, yellow sundress with cute daisies all over the skirt flowing with the wind as you ran, your happy laugh going along with you as you chased after your big brother in a game of tag.

eddie was new to the trailer park— having lived with his uncle for only a few weeks or so, and he had to make some friends still.

so, when he shyly approached you, hands fiddling behind his back and little curls bouncing on his head, asking you if he could join you to the game, you couldn't possibly say no to him on that sunny, sunny day.

from then on, eddie loved not only sunny days, but every other day, too. he loved them because, no matter the weather, you were there. at seven years old, at ten, at twelve and at sixteen.

sunny days would be spent in the forest, sitting on the picnic table and talking until the sun hid and the stars began to shine. oh, how he loved those sunny days. where your laugh would sound prettier than ever, and your skin would glow under the soft, yellow sunlight.

rainy days he began to love almost as much. you'd come to his trailer, a sweatshirt neatly wrapped around your cold body, hands fisting around the excess that fell loose around your fingers, trying to stop the cold breeze that came with the raindrops cool your fingers.

on those cold winter days, you'd come over all the same and listen to some music while wrapped under his sheets, hot chocolate mug next to his bed. you occupied that place most of the time, the one on the left side of the bed.

you looked pretty there, he'd tell himself, cuddling closer to his pillow and most definitely leaving your scent behind for him to smell as soon as the night fell and you went back to your own trailer, whining and pouting when you had to leave the warmth of his bed. you looked pretty there, he'd tell himself, listening to your own mixtape because you thought his was just way too metal for such a calm and relaxing moment.

and eddie wouldn't mind. abba would softly play in the background, and you'd hum with tugging the blankets closer to your body, smiling contently when you finally found a little more warmth.

you looked pretty there, he'd tell himself. you looked gorgeous, but you weren't his.

eddie loved sunny days. loved. because it was sunny the day you left.

and eddie always thought that it couldn't possibly be this sunny in such an awful day. the day couldn't possibly look that pretty, when his best friend was leaving him.

and, at seventeen years old, you left. somewhere in montana, you had told him. somewhere far, where eddie couldn't afford to visit you.

it was sunny when you hugged him close, whimpering against his shirt and fisting the fabric of his shirt because you didn't want to let go just yet, or never, if possible. and eddie pressed a kiss on the top of your head, squeezing his eyes shut to stop his own tears from falling from his eyes and instead, he wrapped his arms tightly around your shoulders, pursing his lips and laying his chin on the top of your head as he swayed the both of you back and forth, hopefully calming you down a little.

it was sunny when he felt your tears soak his shirt, and when you pressed a single kiss on his cheek, too, wet eyelashes touching the skin and leaving a little wet spot he didn't even want to wipe away.

and it was sunny still when he saw you get on your parents' car, your brother next to you in the backseat and you waved at him with a small, sad smile. and it almost, almost felt like a promise. you'd see each other again.

eddie now hated sunny days.

but now, eddie was twenty. yes, he hated sunny days still, but, with the years, he learned to appreciate other things that could make those dreaded days a little better.

like hellfire club, for example.

eddie let his hair grow long, met dustin henderson and started the hellfire club.

he had changed over time, of course. but he liked to think he was still the same person he was the day you left.

but it had been three years, now, and he was sure some change was inevitable. what didn't change, though, was the image of you in his mind daily. memories of you and him would randomly project in the very front of his mind like an old movie, and he'd almost feel himself tearing up at the thought of you.

"dustin!" he screamed when he entered the dark room, the whole group jumping and looking at him with wide, surprised eyes at the sudden yell.

"shit," dustin breathed out, a hand on his chest to calm his beating heart. "what, eddie? we're in the middle of something," he said, although almost nervously as he gestured to the table.

"the hell i know, henderson! did you really leave me out of my own fucking group? why didn't you tell me about the meeting?" he frowned angrily, hands moving around for more drama.

dustin shrugged. "it's payback, dude," eddie deadpanned. "what are you, five? what the hell are you even talking about?"

"you forgot to pick me up from school the other day!" the curly haired boy accused, voice high-pitched and annoyed. eddie could only groan, tossing his head back and rubbing his ring-clad fingers over his face, stretching it a little downwards before letting go. "that was one time! and i payed for the next five movies you rented!"

"yeah, well. it was raining," dustin raised his brows and tilted his head, as if to show eddie just how serious he was about the whole situation.

"oh, for god's sake," he groaned. "and i was cold! and hungry!"

"oh, sorry for not taking you home with me, little stray dog. next time i'll take you to the fucking shelter!" eddie screamed the last word with rage, fists closed tightly and moving around in frustration.

dustin raised his eyebrows once again, but this time from shock. he put both of his hands up and walked towards eddie with slow steps. "i can sense your frustration," he started, and his older friend breathed deeply through his nose, nostrils flaring in the process.

"but this thing you're doing? taking your anger out on us?" he gestured between eddie and him, then to the rest of the group. "—is not healthy."

dustin was talking to him with a soft tone, as if he were talking to a little kid, and eddie was about to lose it.

eddie turned to the hellfire club and, when he watched them nod, he rubbed his face again. "i swear to god, henderson," he warned. dustin shook his head, then placed a hand on his shoulder and directed him to the door. "we've noticed you're stressed lately, and we think you need some time off," he suggested with a comprehensive tone but eddie could see right through.

"dustin," eddie growled lowly. "we're just doing this because we love you, edward," he put a hand over his heart. "it's for your own good," and, with a smile, he gently, but hurriedly, pushed him out of the door, closing it but letting eddie see his face still. "you'll understand one day," and with that, he closed the door on the metalhead's face.

shocked, his eyes still stared at the door and, when he came back to his senses, he kicked it. "you can't kick out the dungeon master!" he yelled one last time, then sighed frustratedly and threw his head back. "fuckin— shit and those little—," he groaned. "fuckers," he sighed, walking towards his van and hopping in, rolling his eyes and deciding to just put some music on to calm his stress.

it wasn't until he put the mixtape in and pressed play that the radio made some weird noises that caught his attention, before completely shutting out. eddie stayed still in surprise, frowning and giving the radio a little hit that made the machine let out a noise close to one of pain. "c'mon," he muttered under his breath, giving it a few more bangs in hopes of getting it to work.

"just— fuckin' fantastic," he threw his hands up in the air, turning the car on and driving away. he could listen to some music when he got home.

maybe it was true that he had been pretty moody lately. but his senior year was starting (third time's a charm!) and he had failed the first couple of tests already, and he really wasn't feeling like doing senior year for a fourth time.

so, yeah, he wasn't in his brightest mood.

when he made it to the trailer park and to his trailer, he parked the car right outside and rushed to his bedroom, dragging his feet on the floor on his way.

he finally put some music on, throwing himself on his bed and covering his head with his pillow, groaning loudly against it. he had a really bad day and, over all, it was a sunny day.

the long haired boy was stressing all over his exams, over school, over the club, and the sun just dared to shine brightly above him like that? how could it? laughing on his face with its warm, and its yellowish light, and everything. ugh. he hated it.

so, when he went to sleep that night, belly empty and cranky mood, he woke up the next morning and he swore to whatever god was above that he couldn't remember the last time he slept so unwell. he looked out the window, pursing his lips in a line when he saw the greyish clouds covering the sky.

but it was saturday, at least. he could sleep in, if he felt like it. eddie got out of the bed, checking quickly for uncle wayne, only to find the trailer empty and all to himself.

he grinned, satisfied, when he thought about having the place by himself, and decided to hop into the shower and maybe make some of the bacon he had hidden in the freezer so his uncle wouldn't eat it.

making sure to put the stereo close to the bathroom, he put a mixtape on and turned the water on.

he was just finishing with his shower when he heard the faint sounds of knocks on his door, getting eventually louder at the lack of response. eddie was quick to jump out of the bathroom, throwing a shirt on with some sweatpants and wrapping the towel around his head and scrubbing with his hands to dry quickly.

the knocks continued. "i'm coming! jeez," he muttered the last part, more knocks being heard that only made him roll his eyes in annoyance. "fuckin'— stupid people, annoying the shit outta me on a fucking saturday morning," he shook his head, another round of loud knocks banging against his door. with a groan, eddie rushed to it. "i said i'm—," he started, opening the door and pausing midway to the sight in front of him.

he froze. it was like, after twenty years of breathing, he suddenly forgot how to. his heart was beating unevenly, too. like it was struggling to beat but also trying to control itself from beating right out of his chest.

eddie widened his eyes, mouth falling open when, on this cloudy day, he found you on his doorstep, nervous smile on your face that was exactly as he'd remember it to be, hands fiddling in front of you.

you looked up. "coming?" you laughed. he didn't answer. eddie just stared, perplexed, at your figure in front of him, no reaction in his brain to tell him to answer you, for heaven's sake.

you decided to talk first.

"hello, eddie," you smiled. giving him a little wave. he hadn't answered still and, at the lack of response, you frowned. you stepped a little closer, looking at the side to put your ear closer to his mouth. "eddie," you called. "you're not breathing."

"sorry," he gasped loudly.

after a few blinks, the blurriness in his eyes adjusting slowly to focus on you, a confused smile made its way to his lips. "y-y/n?" he asked, voice unsure.

"hi," you giggled, nerves running up and down your body like blood, and pumping your heart with it. you breathed in once, twice, thrice, to make it calm down, hoping eddie wouldn't hear it as loud as you did.

once his breathing went back to normal and his eyes focused on you, eddie smiled, eyebrows knitted together in a frown and his lips tugged up, though confused, and he asked, "w-what are you doing here?" he laughed happily, stepping down to bring you into a hug, arms surrounding your shoulders and his face buried into your hair, nuzzling into your temple.

you laughed back, wrapping your hands around his torso and closing your eyes in bliss. "i- i, my brother got a job here, and i decided to come along," you said.

he put his hands on both of your shoulders, stepping away from the hug to look at you properly, eyes dancing over your features.

you had changed. you looked more mature, hair shorter than the last time he'd seen you, pretty lips slightly bigger. but, he noticed, your eyes shone all the same.

"i- wow, wow! that's—," he chuckled happily. "that's amazing. amazing."

you nodded in agreement. your own eyes wandering through his face, and, he had to admit, your intense gaze on him made him nervous. your eyes finally fell on his hair, and a wide smile spread on your lips— the kind of smile where all your teeth were showing, and the sight made warmth spread on eddie's chest. "you let your hair grow," you pointed out.

"i did," he smiled back, shaking his head so his strands were dancing around all over, hitting your face in the process and making you giggle. "it fits you," you admitted. then, a short silence. "you look great, eds."

he looked into your eyes, shaking his head in disbelief, and smiled softly. "you, too, sweetheart. you look beautiful," his lips widing further when he noticed the slight blush on your cheeks.

avoiding his gaze, you looked down and you were met with the little tattoo on his forearm. you gasped excitedly. "you got it done?"

he made a little oh! sound, rolling the sleeve of his shirt further up for you to see the image better. "f'course i did. i told you i would, didn't i?" eddie looked at you, your head tilted down still as you admired the tattoo idea you had given him all those years ago— a simple drawing you had boredly scribbled on a paper one day, laughing when you told him he should do it in honor to ozzy osbourne.

that night, in late 1983, when you left, he had tucked that paper safely into one of his drawers and decided to save up some money to get it done.

he had gotten the money not until a month after you had left. eddie got the tattoo done a week later.

"that was a long time ago," you recalled. "didn't think you'd actually get it done," without hesitation, you lifted your hand up and softly traced your fingers along the little bats, and eddie shivered under your touch, making you look up at him with a smile.

"i've missed you," you whispered. eddie put a hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to him so he could kiss your forehead, then wrapping his arms around your neck and resting his chin on your head. "i missed you, too, honey," he said against your hair, pressing another kiss there and just staying in your embrace, enjoying the warmth he had been yearning for three years, now.

he breathed out, opening the door to his trailer. "come on, now. join me for breakfast," he said.

with you, he'd share his bacon without a doubt.

--

"well? tell me everything," eddie insisted, grabbing the cup of coffee with his whole hand instead of grabbing just the handle, and you rolled your eyes at the action, laughing when he hissed at the hot temperature.

you shrugged, stealing a piece of bacon from the bowl with your fingers and taking a bite. "what would you like to know?"

"uhm, everything? i haven't seen you once since you moved away, sweetheart. c'mon. i wanna hear it all," eddie gestured with his hands for you to start talking, but he saw the slight hurt that crossed your face.

"don't tell me about it," you started with a sigh, "i'm sorry i didn't reach out, eddie. shoulda tried harder, and i regret not doing so," you apologized, shaking your head at your own actions. eddie frowned, leaning forward to take your hand in his. "hey, i didn't reach out, either, okay? we're both at fault here," he chuckled, and it brought a smile to your face.

"but you didn't know where i lived."

eddie deadpanned. "there new, updated phone books every year, sweetheart. i could've called you, if i wanted to," he told you. you looked at him. "why didn't you?"

he sighed. "i don't know. i was stupid," you gave him half a smile. "at first i wanted to. so bad," he confessed, and you frowned at him.

"the year after you moved, i went to the public library everyday. i even called the answer machine and ask to talk to you in montana," he continued, but he didn't meet your gaze.

"but, whenever someone answered the phone, i'd just... hang up," he shrugged.

"i remember," you whispered, and he lifted his head. "yeah?"

"yeah," you nodded, voice gentle. "someone'd call every three days or so, but they would always hung up."

"yeah, well," eddie laughed. "now you know."

"why?" you asked in a whisper. you weren't accusing him of anything. not an ounce of anger was shown in your voice. just curiosity.

eddie shrugged a shoulder. "i just couldn't do it."

"why not?" your friend laughed, though it was weak and glazed with sadness. "you ask a lot of questions," he told you. "well, you aren't giving me the answers i need," you cracked a smile, then fell silent. "why couldn't you, eddie?" you repeated, giving his hand a comforting squeeze.

he's rude with the skin around his nails, scratching at his thumb with his pointer finger, and you put a hand over it to stop the aggression. "you're gonna hurt yourself," you said.

"was scared you had forgotten all about me, i guess," head tilted to the side, you answered almost immediately. "i have never once stopped thinking about you since i moved. ever."

he looked up. "why didn't you call?" he frowned. "the telephone became my biggest fear," you laughed. "i couldn't bring myself to."

a look in his eyes told you that he had more questions, yet he stayed quiet. you answered for him. "it was hard trying to make new friends when i knew my best friend was all the way in hawkins. it hurt," you shrugged.

"i was trying to make the pain fade a little. i knew that if i talked to you daily, like i knew we would if one of us had the balls to call the other—," he laughed. "i wouldn't make any friends at all. i wouldn't let myself."

he seemed confused. you grinned. "i'll let you figure that one out by yourself."

when you saw him open his mouth to say something else, you cut him off. "tell me about this," you pulled on the hem of his hellfire shirt, admiring the drawing on the white fabric with a smile. his eyes lit up.

"c'mon. i'll show you."

--

eddie had forgotten all about dustin's behavior from yesterday. what was important was that he had you back, sitting in the passenger's seat in his van with the windows down and singing to top of the world in the radio, a song neither of you really liked, but you couldn't help but sing happily to.

he knew there was a meeting at steve's he had decided to skip, the mood from the night before not really encouraging him to see dustin after yesterday's events.

but everything was forgiven and forgotten already, as eddie drove giddily to the harrington's house with you by his side.

and when you asked him where you were going, he looked at you with a smile but didn't answer, and noticed your gaze on him for the rest of the way, the intensity of you stare making his knees buckle.

he opened the door to steve's house loudly, letting his presence known as he took your hand in his, and took you to the living room, where everyone was sat around the table, cards in hands while they ate some chips. they all turned around but said nothing, looking curiously at eddie and then at you, and you squirmed uncomfortably under their eyes, shuffling closer to eddie.

"afternoon, edward," called steve slowly, eyeing you up and down as if he were trying to figure you out. "care to introduce us to your friend, munson?" he arched a brow, body fully turned in his seat so he could look at eddie.

"was just about to, harrington. ya should learn some patience, big boy," he winked, then put a hand on the small of your back and encouraged you to step closer to the table.

"everyone, this is y/n, an old friend of mine," he smiled, and you waved back shyly.

"sweetheart, this is steve, obviously," he flicked him on the forehead, and he cursed and rubbed the sore skin. "that's dustin, lucas and mike. they're on the hellfire club with me," you nodded in greeting, they smiled back.

"that's erica, lucas' little sister. she comes to the club every once in a while, too," then, he leaned closer to you and whispered. "i wouldn't get too close to her, if i were you."

you watched him curiously, but he proceeded. "and that's max and robin," max waved at you and then rolled her eyes, and the blonde girl smiled brightly at you. "s'nice to meet you. eddie told us all about you."

you turned to him with a smirk. "did he?" he looked down and mumbled something under his breath, a deep red coating his cheeks, and he saw you pursing your lips, but with a slight tug in your lips.

"then, there's also nancy, jonathan, el and will, but they're all in cali, for the moment," steve said, giving you a small, encouraging smile once he noticed your tense shoulders. "would you like to join us?" he looked at eddie and then back to you, and you glanced at eddie, him doing the same.

"s'up to you, sweet thing," he told you, and you nibbled your bottom lip, then smiling brightly. "sure."

a few hours later, when the kids had already gone home and only robin, eddie, steve and you were left, you were all sitting in the couch with a couple of beers in hand, eddie's arm thrown across your shoulder with a glass of water in his hand, instead.

"so, how did you two meet?" asked robin, leaning bac against the loveseat she was sitting on, gesturing a finger between the two of you.

you glanced at eddie, then answered. "oh, i used to live in the trailer park before moving to montana. we've known each other since we were— what, seven?" you turned to your friend. he nodded. "we were two tiny peas," he smirked, and you scrunched your face up at the lame reference.

"anyway, we've been best friends until i moved at seventeen," you explained. steve leaned his elbows on his knees, then smirked. "and... for how long have you two been together, then?"

"o-oh, we— we're not..." you looked at eddie, you was too trying to stutter out an answer, his whole body full of warmth and he decided to take the arm off your shoulder.

steve raised his hands up in defence, "got it. won't happen again," he smirked again.

eddie huffed, glaring at his friend and glancing to his wrist, where there was no watch at all. "well, this has been great, but i think it's getting kind of late, and i have to get the lady home," he stood up, rubbing the sweat in his hands on his jeans, then extended one of for you to take.

you smiled at him, then turned to the other two. "thank you for everything, you've been too kind," you offered them a warm smile, and they waved you off.

during the drive home, you looked out the window, occasionally glancing at eddie, who hadn't spoken a word since you left steve's house, but he remained with his eyes on the road.

"how's your new address?" he asked.

"take me home, eds."

eddie drove to the trailer park.

once there, you opened the trailer's door, and eddie held it open for you to enter first, then closed it behind him, leaning his back against it.

"so," his voice shook. "so," you nodded. he was nervous, and was certain you could tell. his hands wer slightly shaking, and he kept pushing them into his pockets to hide them for you.

you kept your distance. "look, eddie. if i'm making you uncomfortable, i- i could leave. just say the words," you told him, voice gentle and eyes sad.

"don't you want me to take you home?" he asked, voice soft and curious. you shook your head. "i don't want to go home."

"why not?"

"eddie," you called. "do you want me to leave?" you asked, and, weirdly, he believed that, if he told you to leave, things would change.

everything would change.

"say the words, and i'll leave," you insisted. because he looked nervous, uncomfortable. like all the conversation you had had that morning just vanished and you were at the beginning of the game all over again.

he was afraid you'd leave and never come back. he'd lose you again, and would never forgive himself for that.

he couldn't go back to being without his best friend.

"stay."

you froze, "what?" you muttered, slowly turning to him and, as if you were approaching a scared kitten, you took safe steps towards him. "what did you say?"

your chests were so close together, he could feel your breath on his skin— hot, heavy, addicting.

and, when he looked down, meeting your gaze, he heard your breath hitching, because you could see a dark in his eyes you hadn't seen before.

but he was shy, wouldn't approach you. because eddie, after so many years of knowning each other, still feared he'd break you— ruin you with his persona. he was sure he was far from being the person you needed. but, you were right under his nose, so close to his reach, and he could touch you with a simple stretch of his hand.

he couldn't deny the temptation wasn't there, making his fingertips tingle and his throat dry. but, when he looked deeply into your eyes, there was also something else hidden under the dark lust in his irises.

he would beg, if you asked him to. "stay," eddie repeated. because he sounded desperate, and his voice was hoarse. and the tone in his voice made your knees buckle and your mind dizzy.

you were sure you could simply fall into his arms as soon as he put his hands on you, one arm around your waist, pulling you closer until you were pressed against him, and the other on your forearm.

his touch was gentle, fingertips trailing up, up, up, until they were under the fabric of your sleeve, and he caressed the skin there.

and your breath stuttered, and he heard it do so. eddie tilted his head down, his forehead on yours and, when you closed your eyes, he did, too. he nuzzled his forehead against yours in desperate motion, his hand on your waist squeezing the flesh, and he backed you to the wall. "stay," said once again, and then closed the gap.

and it was passionate. and it was strangely familiar, because eddie had already seen it in his dreams. but, when he met your lips again and again, muttering the word a hundred times more between each kiss, it couldn't have felt that familiar, because eddie was sure he hadn't ever felt something alike.

but you nodded nonetheless, calming his fears and anxiety as he fiercly pushed his lips to yours, humming and moaning against the kiss because god, how haven't you done this before?

and, that night, eddie laid you on his bed, and you promised him you'd stay, and he promised to always be there, for as long as you'll have him.

-

when he woke up, he smiled. like really, genuinely, smiled. you were still sleeping, soft snores coming out of your parted lips, and you were all cuddled up to him, tucked under the safety of his sheets and wrapped up with his arms, tugging you closer to him, and he pouted in adoration when you nuzzled into his warm chest.

he couldn't remember the last time he felt so happy.

later, he simply thought it was you who brought him happiness, and he'd have to leave it there, as there couldn't possibly be another answer to what brings that kind of smile to his face.

he just watched you, deciding on letting you sleep a little longer. he littered a few more kisses to your shoulder, enjoying the softness of your skin under his lips, and he soon noticed the bother of the sunlight hitting his eye through the gap in his blinds. he gently moved it to the side, noticing there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

but, that afternoon, eddie could proudly say he was again a fan of sunny days.

because, that afternoon, you were finally his.

Taglist!

@m-rae23 @hello1276 @dirtytissuebox

#eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanart #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #stranger things s4 #stranger things 4 #steve stranger things #stranger things #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you

[see-arcane-scribbles]

The Art of Eros

Summary: Jack called him an image of Thor once. Considering recent events, Art finds he has more in common with another god.

Quincey is always described as the laconic one.

It’s the trick of an American’s lilt. His Texan tongue is blunt and stunted compared to the thousand prosy offshoots that an Englishman seems dutybound to recite in order to arrive at a completed thought. Van Helsing’s monologues suggest that there are even heavier verbal afflictions a nation might curse its children with.

“For my part, I think I can only pass as the concise one because I don’t see fit to consult a dictionary whenever I open mouth,” Quincey went on over his glass. “I’m hardly a fool, but my jaw’s too lazy for the work our friends put into it.”

“What are you getting at?” Art says over his own crystal. He’s emptied two tumblers so far. Quincey seems to have forgotten his is there. The black chips of his eyes have not moved from him since they sat. Since Jack and the Professor finally resigned themselves to sleep, leaving them to the watch.

“I’m getting at you, Art. You can spin out the same rambles as the rest when the mood takes you. But it rarely does. You know I almost took you for mute the first week I knew you? It’s true. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time you saw my cousin’s terrier litter. A whole encyclopedia fell out of your mouth, all to do with those pups.” The tumbler turns back and forth under his hand. Amber liquid swirls in a gentle whirlpool, the glass sweating against the table’s fine varnish. “You keep your words in reserve, Art. I’d bet money that gave you an extra hand when it came to winning over—,”

Art watches his friend’s throat work. The leap and twitch of the Adam’s apple that is fast becoming a tell he never thought the man capable of. Same as tears.

“Lucy.”

“Lucy,” he confirms. “I flatter myself to think I held her ear pretty well, and not unhappily, playing around with…” His free hand gestures to the whole of himself. To the broad sun-bleached hat that now rests on the corner of the chair’s back. “I got her to laugh with it. I’ll always treasure that. But you, Art? You got her to talk. You got her to spill herself out beyond all the practiced patter girls in her circles are strangled down into. I believe 'Miss Lucille Westenra' got to be just Lucy with you because you listened. Because you held your words back to hear more of hers. That was my impression. Always has been.”

“I know.”

“I only bring it up again because it’s got me thinking of recent events. How, in all the pandemonium—see, there’s my one dictionary word of the night—it’s been so easy for you to slip sideways out of all the chatterers’ perspective. The Dutchman, Jack, me…”

Art tries to drink again from his glass. Empty. He speaks with a dry throat:

“The Harkers.”

Quincey hasn’t blinked in over a minute, he thinks.

“…The Harkers. Right. All of us running our mouths. Us the only two not playing secretary to each day’s mess and adventure. And me still saying more in an hour than I think you say in a day. Is that an unfair estimate, do you think?”

“I couldn’t say.”

“Wouldn’t say.”

“What?”

“The word is wouldn’t, Art. You wouldn’t say. Lord knows that’s been a gift too. You can always be trusted to keep your lip buttoned when it would do harm otherwise. You wouldn’t say we’re all a bunch of prattling magpies compared to you sinking silently into the wallpaper. Just like you wouldn’t loose a secret that would take the rug out from someone. You’ve been a man of honour since well before you became a lord. Even when no one is looking.” Finally, a blink. Slow. “Or when you think no one’s looking.”

A hot coal has lodged itself in Art’s throat. If he tries to swallow it, he thinks it might eat a hole through his neck. Certainly a worse puncture than the pinholes he had seen on Lucy.

Or on—

He swallows the coal anyway.

“Quincey.”

“Art.”

“I ask again. What are you getting at?”

“Not sure, Art. Not really. Just talking to keep awake, I guess. The worst of our troubles seem to come when we’re asleep on the job. Heads down, backs turned.” Art sees him pick up the tumbler and take his first sip. From his face, he may as well be drinking water. “But then, even when we have our eyes open, some things still slip by without us noticing.” Another sip empties the bourbon by half. “Like the Harkers.”

Art feigns interest in the table. In the chairs’ button-tufting. In how the fireplace paints the room in all its dancing reds.

“Hard to think how we could have missed all the signs with those two. So long and so completely. We should have known better. But no. Now they are what they are and that is in the wind. All under our watch.”

Art counts his heartbeats and he is—

Watching, watching, watching, in the hall and through the cracked door, the tears run and the blood flows and the words rush, Mina, Mina, I cannot, I will not, if you die then I am dead, I cannot raise my hand to you in any form, and if you are unmade I will unmake myself, for life is gone is over is tainted, and our love is holier than any God who would betray it, betray you, sorry, so sorry, I am selfish, I give myself where you were stolen, but it is the only way I can be, the only way to remain with you, on Earth or in Hell, amen.

“Yes. A miracle in reverse.”

“That's a pretty way to put it. More poetry to it. Takes more pain off if it sounds like Spenser.”

“Poetry has not helped me much of late. Not with my father. Nor with Lucy.”

Even in the throes of relief at seeing the Bloofer Lady removed and dead Lucy returned, even with the meaty crack and split of her ribs still trembling up into his hands as if he were still hammering down, even grasping at the Professor in his grateful grief and delirium, there had not been one ounce of the majestic or the holy that Jack, with his secret bard’s heart, had glazed the act with in his diary. Jack had seen a blessed return to rightful nature and purity in the tomb. Perhaps Quincey had too. Van Helsing certainly.

Art had only seen the corpse of his fiancée. Dead twice. Once by another, again by him. Yes, the monster had needed ending—there were more to think of than her. The children. The living population at large. A nascent Un-Dead wearing Lucy’s form should have been a small price to pay. And it was. Is. Surely.

Yet now, with the burden of knowledge, he wonders what she might have been if she had actually been taught anything rather than getting left behind by the horror that conscripted her. What did she know but her appetite? What evil did she think she committed beyond taking a small sip from many rather than murdering one, as Harker had seen the Weird Sisters do? What callousness was there in her but dropping a child at the sight of them?

Of him?

She had known him. Still, even as she was, she had known him.

Was that a demon or, like the poor wretch that had been Renfield, merely a soul dented by inflicted appetites and the influence of a Master? How much of the Thing was a Thing and not..?

“I imagine not,” Quincey hummed. “I heard someone warbling a love song outside a pub the other day and felt sick. Can’t see you indulging in anything so flimsy as a few verses to get you through everything of late.”

“I haven’t.”

In the hall, through the door.

I know, Jonathan. I knew, for I was willed to read, to spy. I saw the shorthand. The Count was still baffled by it, but I had strength enough not to write the translation. Not to breathe a word. For as long as I still have to breathe. It is coming on, now, soon. And I cannot call to the others. Cannot stall. Cannot send you away. Cannot beg an ending from you. My love, my darling, what if I rise and do the unthinkable? If I merely kill you and leave you to bleed? What if I make you the monster’s promised jackal? What if..?

I have been prepared to die by your hand or mine since that night, Mina. Whether I am slain, whether I am turned, whether I begin knotting a rope, I am dead. More, I am damned for all I have enabled the Count in, and all I am prepared to do for you. All the sins I have committed in my heart, I would commit in full if only it meant you went on, never abandoned. Yet I would rather commit only one sin as a living man. If they ever find you in your box, they will find double their quarry—they can spare two stakes. And wherever God sends our like, wherever He sends you, Mina, you who He would scar for your flesh’s sake rather than pardon you for your soul, I will go there too.

Art feels the hammer and stake in his hands again. The tremble and pound in his palms. He sees the screaming, champing face. Red eyes on his, hating and hurting and wondering at him as blood ran in place of tears.

Then the red eyes are dead eyes. They shut.

Forever and ever.

Amen.

“I haven’t found time to indulge in much of anything of late, Quincey, poetic or otherwise. You know that.”

In the hall, breath held. Through the door, eyes wide.

Sleep falls into death. An opened wrist, blood falling into rosy lips. The lips sigh, the dead eyes open. A kiss full of ivory rises up to find the bared neck.

An open window. A cloud of mist carrying the prone shape of a man out into the night, their silhouette branded black against the moon. Then they are gone. Eloped.

Down the hall, into the parlor. A drink. Another drink. A counting of heartbeats. Then, upstairs, Jack begins to call out. Quick! Come quick! All that is left of the newlyweds are fluttering drapes and a drop of blood upon the pillow.

Across from him, Quincey empties his glass in full.

“I know, Art. I’m not really one for poetry as a rule. Not even Jack’s prose, kind as it might paint certain scenes. Sometimes a thing is only what it is, no matter what words we frame it in. Horror can just be horror. Regret can just be regret.”

“The same applies to love.”

“That’s right,” Quincey nods. He refills their glasses. “Love too.”

Crystal rings against crystal.

Somewhere in the night, two lovers laugh, and the sound is just the same.

Ao3 link

#just a conversation held between two former suitors #while some friends sleep #and others go roaming #arthur holmwood #quincey morris #jonathan harker #mina harker #jack seward #abraham van helsing #dracula #dracula daily #my writing

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I Wish I Cared Less

Chapter 11: Plus One*

A/N: I’ve finally finished this part of the series. Thanks to those who followed me on this journey, especially if you bared through my very unpopular ending in I Only Lie When I Love You (I still loved it so it doesn’t matter, but some of yall really hated it, yikes). Anyways, I do technically have one more part to add to this verse that I may or may not get to, but for those that ship strictly CoAi (low key me) you won’t need to worry about it. I have a kaishi canon divergence planned and it’s all bad for CoAi, it’s messy (think Devour but worse). Feel free to skip it if I ever get to add it to the series. Now onto the actual last chapter of this fic!

Attempt #11: Smile

Let’s backtrack a little, about a week ago she took a test. The results are positive. She takes two more to confirm, and each time it tells her the same thing. Well shit.

She can’t be too far along, when was the last time she had her period? She cannot recall. A month? Maybe two? It can’t be three… she’s not even showing yet.

Crap, she’s been drinking. Not a lot, only a few times during dinner and only two glasses at most… wait, hold on. She’s getting her priorities messed up, she needs to tell him. Right, she should, he deserves to know right?

In case it wasn’t obvious, she didn’t tell him. She doesn’t know how to. What is she supposed to do? Say hey Honey welcome home, oh, and by the way I’m pregnant? Yeah, no. She can’t even begin to imagine what he would say.

“You’re distracted today, do you want to stop?”

“No, sorry, there’s just a lot on my mind.”

“We don’t have to have sex, we can…”

“If we don’t do it now, who knows when we can again!”

“What? Since when have we had a problem wanting sex at the same time?”

“That’s not what I mean… do you not want to… I knew it! You must be sick of me!”

“Woah, hold on. You know that’s not true, I love you Shiho. There’s something bigger going on. What’s wrong, Baby?”

“Baby… you know… how did you… I don’t know what I’m doing, Shinichi. I’m going to be awful.”

She starts sobbing, completely killing the mood and effectively sending Shinichi into a panic. This isn’t like her, suddenly bursting into tears, unable to properly explain herself.

It doesn’t help that her boyfriend isn’t exactly the best at consoling a crying woman, especially when that woman is Shiho. He doesn’t have much experience dealing with her tears.

Hold on a second… did she just say…

“Shiho? Are you… are we… Are we having a baby?”

She responds with more tears, but manages to nod. His arms are around her in an instant, holding her close squeezing her tight. He cannot contain his excitement, there’s a gigantic smile on his face. Shiho stops crying, she wasn’t expecting this to be his response.

“Shinichi?”

“We’re having a baby! You’re going to be the mother of my child! I’m going to be a dad! Shiho, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He leaves kisses all over her face, even over her drying tears, his joy is infectious. She certainly never imagined he would be this happy.

“You’re not upset with me?”

“You just told me you’re pregnant with my child, why would I be upset?”

“I didn’t tell you right away… and I don’t know if I will be a good mom…”

He kisses the top of her head, hand moving over to rest on her still flat belly. It’s hard to believe there’s a little life living inside.

“I’m sure you were overwhelmed, I know now, that’s all that matters. And you’re going to be a terrific mom. You should worry more about me.”

“You’ll be a great father, Shinichi.”

“No, not that. You’re going to spend all your time and energy on our baby, I won’t get enough attention from you.”

“So you’re saying you’re not going to pay attention to our baby?”

“I can pay attention to both of you… there is just one in there right?”

“What, you don’t think one’s enough? You wanted twins?”

“Well, Mrs. Kudo, it’s not like you’ve told me anything…”

“Nice try, I’m still not marrying you. I thought you said you weren’t upset with me not telling you.”

“Tell me now, tell me all about our little one.”

——

Pregnancy life is stressful, but only because Shinichi is so excited. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him he’s being too overbearing, but she can’t help snapping at him when she feels he’s fussing too much.

So far, they haven’t told anyone yet. She’s still in the early stages, not even two months in. She thought Shinichi would be dying to share the news, but he seems to enjoy that the two of them have this secret the rest of the world doesn’t know about yet.

“How is my beautiful girlfriend and baby girl doing today?”

“It’s way too early to tell if it’s a boy or a girl, how are you so sure?”

“I’m going off instincts. She’s going to be a Daddy’s girl. You haven’t had any issues since you let me know about our baby.”

“That doesn’t prove anything.”

“It’s because she knows her dad is here and will take care of her and her mom, so she stopped being difficult.”

His head is pressed against her belly, speaking to their child. It must be something all parents do, she finds herself doing the same from time to time.

He raises his head up to smile at her, she gently cups his face bringing him face level. He understands her intentions, sharing a light kiss until it turns heated.

He pulls away before it gets out of hand, much to her displeasure. They haven’t had sex since he found out about the pregnancy, even though she made sure it was okay for them to do so.

She huffs out in annoyance, she gets why he’s hesitant but it’s making her very frustrated. Her libido hasn’t gone down in the slightest, though that may change as her belly gets bigger.

Shinichi wraps his arms around her, kissing the top of her head in a bid to offer comfort. It’s not the kind she wants, but she decides not to fight with him over this right now. She’s sure she can convince him later.

“So you want it to be a girl, will you be upset if we have a boy?”

“Not upset, I would love our child no matter what. I just always dreamed we would have a mini version of you running around.”

“… you dreamed of having a baby with me? Why…”

“I want it all with you, Shiho. To be married, have a child. I meant it when we laid it all out that night. I want us to be a real family, the mother of my child, my gorgeous wife.”

“I knew you only liked me for my looks… wait. A child? I’m surprised you only want one.”

“Well… I wouldn’t be upset if we had another… it’s just…”

“Just?”

“I’m not going to get all of your attention after this one is born, and I just don’t think I could compete with our baby. It took me so long to finally get you to admit you love me… Having to split it in half is already worrisome, but thirds? And I just know it’s not going to be equally divided. You’ll forget about me for our kids, like a good mother should.”

She’s taken aback by his logic, sure she knows that is what’s typically expected but… given the relationship of his parents, she would think he would be afraid of their child being neglected.

She leans in to kiss him on the cheek. He’s so close, she can’t resist stealing more kisses. Planting them all over his face, trailing down to his neck, though again he stops her before it becomes too much.

She sighs, she’s getting off track anyhow. She’s supposed to prove she won’t forget about him, not try to jump him. Though maybe if he would just let her have her way then he’ll realize she truly does love him.

“Shinichi, I love you, and yes I’m going to love our child. But, before I became a mother, I am your girlfriend and you’re my boyfriend. This baby wouldn’t be here in the first place if it wasn’t for you. I’m not going to forget to love you just because you’re the father of my child now. If anything I’m worried you’re only going to see me as a mother and never want to have sex with me again.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you, Shiho, I just…”

“I know. I get it. But it’s only going to get worse. If you won’t even touch me now, what’s going to happen when the baby’s here. I doubt I’ll want to have sex after giving birth right away. Are you going to make me wait a whole year before we have sex again?”

“I don’t think I could last a year. I can barely hold myself back now.”

“So don’t. I want you, Shinichi. So so much. I love you. I need you.”

!!!

How can he deny her when she proclaims her love for him like this? It’s such a turn on.

The fire he’s been trying to put out rises with the heat of her kisses, he takes control as he pushes her onto her back. She reaches for the buttons of his shirt, he does the same with the ones on her blouse.

Soon they’re both stripped naked, he can’t help eyeing her belly which doesn’t go unnoticed by Shiho. She lets out a frustrated sigh, thinking he’s going to stop again.

He lowers himself down to kiss her tummy, his voice is barely above a whisper as he tells their child not to panic, daddy’s not hurting mommy one bit.

He looks up to meet her widened eyes at his comment, she really shouldn’t be surprised by this. She just didn’t expect for this to turn her on more.

He lowers himself down, pushing her legs further apart to allow himself to rest comfortably between her thighs. There’s a smirk on his face as he looks up at her again.

“We should practice keeping quiet when the baby’s here. I wouldn’t want our little girl to hear how loud Mommy is when Daddy’s fucking her.”

She can feel herself growing wetter at the thought, what has this man done to her. He’s fitting right into the role and it’s driving her crazy. She can’t believe he’s making parenthood sound hot to her right now.

She’s unprepared when he sticks his tongue into her entrance, his nose bumping against her clit causing a hitch in her breath.

His fingers are gently rubbing the inside of her thighs as one travels over to find her clit, while his tongue continues to delve in deeper inside her wet cavern. She cannot contain her moan, when he swipes at her sensitive spot with his thumb then pinches it against his forefinger.

She whines when he pulls himself away, his lips are still wet with her drippings as he licks them. He reminds her to stay quiet, or else he won’t continue. She has no choice but to obey, lips pressed in a thin line, gripping onto the bed sheets as he goes back to eat her out.

Her breathing becomes labored as he builds her to the verge of orgasm, she has to bite down on her lips to keep from screaming out. A high pitched noise escapes her lips when he licks his tongue up her opening, she falls apart when she feels him suck at her swollen clit.

He’s rewarded with a rush of her juices covering his chin as well as the sheets underneath them. He wipes it off with his hand, then slowly kisses his way up her body.

Her legs wrap around his waist as his kisses reach the crook of his neck. He has to help keep her ass pressed down, reaching down to reposition their lower halves, lining himself up against her dripping core.

“Don't worry, Baby, Daddy’ll be gentle with Mommy.”

Slowly sliding himself inside her wet passage, he stops to check on her when he pushes all the way inside. Satisfied there’s no look of discomfort on her face, he starts to pull out as he sets up a steady rhythm. He opts for long shallow strokes, keeping his movements on pace instead of just hammering into her.

He’s still trying to stay mindful of the baby, but the longer he goes, the more erratic his thrusts are. Shiho’s muffled moans only encourage him to go faster, she knows he’s getting close.

He presses his face against her cheek, giving her the perfect opportunity to make him come when she whispers in his ear, “give it all to me, Daddy.”

He comes hard inside her, burying himself deep within her core. Her mischievous smile as he pulls out, is all the evidence he needs that she said that on purpose.

They’ll need to get cleaned up from the mess they made on the sheets, she seems to like the way his cum feels dripping out of her though he would rather keep it inside of her.

“So, Daddy? Someone has a pregnancy kink.”

“Took you long enough to notice, I’ve been trying to knock you up since we started dating.”

“You’re so full of it.”

“Actually, I think you’re the one full of me.”

“Kudo Shinichi, do you kiss your mother with that filthy mouth? I never knew you were such a dirty talker.”

“Daddy’s lips only belong to Mommy.”

He chuckles at her fake appalled expression, before leaning in to kiss her lips. They’re going to need to settle down or else they’ll start a round two. Not that he’s against it, now that he knows firsthand they can safely have sex while she’s pregnant.

There’s nothing holding them back now that they’ve gotten the first time out of the way. She’s just glad he won’t be weird about this anymore, there’s no way she could’ve gone without sex with him for a whole nine months.

——

“Kudo Shinichi, you are never touching me again!”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too hard there…”

“Are you seriously! Fuck you! Oh my fucking! Fuck! This is all you’re fucking fault!”

Hours of obscenities and nearly breaking Shinichi’s hand later, their beautiful baby girl is born into this world. She’s in perfect health and already she’s the pride and joy of her parents. Even if she made her mother suffer through the worst pain of her life.

Staring at the tiny human they helped create, Shiho’s at a loss for words. She turns to look at Shinichi with tears pricking his eyes.

“What will we name her?”

“How about Ai?”

“Kudo Ai does have a nice ring to it.”

“You’re letting her have my name?”

“She’s going to be a Daddy’s girl, she’ll be upset if I didn’t give her your name.”

“You know it could be your name too.”

“Still not happening. If you’re worried I’ll be outnumbered, don’t. Our next one is going to be a Miyano.”

“I thought you forbid me from touching you.”

“You are for now… but looking at her and how perfect she is… I wouldn’t mind having another one with you.”

“I love you, Shiho.”

“I love you too, Shinichi.”

It doesn’t take that much longer for Shiho to get pregnant again. Almost two years later they’ll back to her swearing at him to never touch her again. Luckily Ai doesn’t hear her mother’s curses, her grandparents had the foresight to wait with her at home.

Soon she’ll be able to meet her baby brother, and they can be one big happy family. Even if they’re an unconventional one, since her parents aren’t married.

It doesn’t make them any less real.

Also available on ao3 <3

#CoAi #shinshi #I wish I cared less aka cynful verse part two #honey I’m a sucker when you linger series

[mikyouknow]

I’ve been thinking about if I should speak on this situation or not for a lil while now.. mostly because my blog has been pretty inactive for months now, despite me still being very deep in the fandom. There’s several reasons for why I p much stopped posting, but bottom line is I did, but I didn’t leave the fandom itself. I’m still here.

The other reason I haven’t made this post earlier is because I feel very on the fence about this whole thing.. I want to start off by saying I don’t see this as a grooming incident. But I am feeling uncomfortable with the fact that Dream was the one who wanted to move the conversation to Snapchat, I’m trying hard to think of a reason why he’d want to move the convo from Instagram to Snapchat if it wasn’t just to get a place where what they say will be deleted so he can act inappropriately. I’ve been trying to look to others for this and try to fit their reasonings into perhaps why he did this, but at the end of the day I’m still waiting for more information on the situation and confirmations of what is lies and what isn’t when it comes to the accusations. But the fact that he did bring fans to Snapchat to have private convos with them makes me.. uncomfortable. If this is something he’s been doing I’d like to know how these conversations went and that it was just friendly chats before I’d feel comfortable enough to keep following him. So that’s my current stance on that.

Overall, this shit fucking hurts and fucking sucks. Finding this fandom was so, so meaningful to me when I first stumbled upon it all. And through my time here I’ve met some amazing people and made one amazing friend in particular that I don’t even want to imagine my life without. I’ve also posted a lot of fanfics and had so, so much fun with that, and gotten such amazing response from this incredible fanbase. These two years has provided me with such insane joy I never thought I’d experience, and it’s not something I’m ready to let go of. I really, really do not want to leave. I want to stay here, for as long as possible.

But this whole situation has really messed with me, and I’m still trying to figure out exactly which part of it that gets me so upset. It might just be because of my own trauma getting triggered, I’m not sure yet.

All I know is that I’m uncomfortable with the current situation, saddened to see so many people hurting and even leaving. It’s understandable why, but it’s still sad. And I also feel for Dream. Especially if the allegations are all fake, this is really horrible shit to go through. Esp with the past two weeks he’s had, with face revealing, meeting George, going to his very first convention and meeting fans for the first time, ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!! And then this happens, like he rly can’t catch a break…

Anyways, this post is a bit scattered and that’s because I feel quite scattered atm. I rly wanna stay, I am staying, but I’m also quite uncomfortable by the whole thing. So, just gonna see how it all plays out and hope things aren’t as bad as the allegations are making it out to be. I think what also makes this thing even harder to take in is that Dream just face revealed, and my first reaction to seeing him was full on ‘who the fuck is that??’ And since then I’ve had to reacquaint myself with the guy that is Dream, completely throwing away the vague idea I had of him in my head to replace him with this stranger I’d never seen before. That alone has taken a bit to get used to. And then these allegations hit, and I already feel like Dream has become more of a stranger than ever before through his face reveal, so it’s really hard to puzzle this all together and see that the Dream I follow is not at all who I thought he was in so many ways, more than just his face.

But I’m gonna stick around for now, maybe try to be more active on here cause ppl are leaving and it’s probably good for us who are left to speak up. But those are my current feelings on this.

Also I don’t think anyone who sees this won’t already know who @mcecologist is but go follow if you’re looking for more ppl who are sticking around! Mc is rly keeping me mentally stable rn and also carrying this whole fandom atm so just wanted to give a lil shoutout, as if I’m pointing at the cozy cabin up the hill that still has the lights on<3

#here’s my thoughts on the whole situation #this was a jumbled mess #I also dunno if anyone will see this cause I rly haven’t been active in a while lmao #but feels nice to vent either way #ahhh shit just realized I didn’t check what tags I need for this #Uhm gonna just throw some stuff at the wall and see what sticks ig #cw dream #cw negativity #kind of I mean I dunno if I’m being super negative here but ykyk #cw discourse #dream discourse #cw grooming #even tho I don’t think this is a grooming scenario am putting that tag just in case #my thoughts

[catastrophizinglife]

Frozen Nuts

Friday, November 18th, 2022 | 8:00 p.m.

 I couldn’t be more heartbroken. (Okay, in retrospect, yes, even as I’m feeling these feelings I can still think about future me taking a look back at this retrospectively and seeing it for what it is, and how silly it is to be feeling this way, and how it’s not a literal statement, since there are thousands of REAL things that could break my heart more than what I’m about to describe).

 Yesterday, I was at work when I offered a coworker 18 years younger than me a ride to work on my day off because he had to ride a bike over 10 miles to get to work when the temperature would be 31 degrees with a windchill of 21 degrees. I may as well have been wearing my Dahmer glasses and holding a bag of candy when I offered, because he responded with “No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

 In the mind of a rational person; a person who doesn’t have mental illnesses such as OCD, Depression, Anxiety, and so on, this would generally be an okay conversation. Unfortunately, I am not rational, and I do have the aforementioned conditions, and when this sort of thing happens to a person like me, in the immediate aftermath, it destroys you. The aftermath, of course, being finding out that rather than take you up on your offer for a ride, they have done the unimaginable: rode a bicycle to work.

 “It’s no problem really,” I begin. “I have no life, and when I’m working third shift hours, and I’m not at work, I tend to keep the same schedule otherwise it messes me up when I return to work after the weekend.”

 “I can’t ask you to give me a ride when you don’t even need to be here.”

 “But you didn’t ask,” I continue. “I offered, and really, it’d give me something to do. I have no life outside of work. I work 12-hour days Monday through Friday, and right now I’m working 3rd shift hours for the boss, who asked me to do him this favor, so outside of work, I really see no one in my life. You guys are my life during the week. I go to the gym for an hour after work, and then I get something to eat and go home and go to bed. I hate the thought of you riding your bike in subfreezing temperatures when I’m fully capable of driving you to work.”

 I honestly thought I’d gotten him to see reason. I’d even joked with him last night on and off about it, with statements like “I’ll see you at 7. Where should I pick you up at?” or “I’ll do a Facebook Live from the comfort of my warm, toasty home for your ride to work if you don’t let me take you.” But tonight, when I woke up at around 7 p.m. and write “Awake. So just do not hesitate to hop on messenger and say ‘please help come pick me up I’m such an idiot for not telling you to come get me’” I was actually expecting that he hadn’t attempted to leave on a bike at that point, since he hadn’t even signed up to work until like 9 p.m. and it was only 7. When I received the message back “I’m almost to work now” my heart sank. I feel like, to him, I look like a complete desperate, and utter repulsive subhuman being.

 I unfriended him just now, in the midst of my mental agony. The agony that comes along with the mental ailments I have. The problem with this situation is that there are no good solutions to the situations I put myself in. If I put myself out there, I’m opening myself up to rejection. If I feel rejected, then this agony happens. Nobody knows that this happens to me, so I can’t blame them, but it does, alas, happen. The alternative: Don’t ever put myself out there, and in turn, miss connecting with humans on a deeper level than just associates. It gets lonely when you work so much and, in turn, have very little interaction with those outside of work. Neither of these 2 choices are at all desirable.

 So here we are. Another broken heart, another missed connection. Just one more thing to confirm that the negative voices in my head are right about me: No one likes me. No one ever has, and no one ever will. No one likes me, much less loves me. I am unlovable. I am no one. I am a waste of space.

 The ongoing dilemma is that I have no choice but to keep this all to myself and keep on truckin like a trooper. There is no one who could be the audience to something like this. This is what the therapists call “Catastrophizing.” It comes along with the mental ailments I have. Of catastrophize Dictionary.com says: verb (used with or without object), ca·tas·tro·phized, ca·tas·tro·phiz·ing.

to view or talk about (an event or situation) as worse than it actually is, or as if it were a catastrophe: Stop catastrophizing and get on with your life! She tends to catastrophize her symptoms.

 But knowing all of the effects of mental ailments; their terms and definitions, doesn’t help you when you’re in the midst of having an “episode.” So I can sit here and duly feel like shit, and know the pointlessness of feeling like shit simultaneously. My only solace is that I actually have the experience of knowing these harsh feelings are temporary, just as temporary as my “friendship” with this coworker was. Yes, unfortunately, when you’re as far gone as I am, mentally, you don’t make much headway in the way of ongoing healthy relationships with humans. I can’t be someone’s friend if I feel rejected by them, even if I also believe that their rejection of me wasn’t really rejection, but them being polite in not asking me to do what they believe was going out of my way to help them out.

 I said above that there’s no audience that’s capable of hearing this sort of mental BS, but I was wrong: I can share it here with you guys on FaceBook, and just delete it later. After all, no one even cares about me anyway (still catastrophizing I see).

 He would rather freeze his ass off than get a ride from some lonely old man. That’s what I would call this if it were a chapter in the book of my life.

#frozen nuts #woe is me

[crazybigredlove]

3rd August 2013

Dear Pete, 

I'm officially insane. Having Harry draw up the paperwork. Your brother confirmed it this evening. Holding off on changing the locks as sometimes it's actually nice to have Christopher around, even if he does call me crazy. Spent the bulk of the evening lying on the couch and staring at the phone till he came in. 

"Have you been there all day?" He asked, perplexed. "Of course not, I had to go to my stupid job and do boring tasks that are beneath me because I'm too lazy to have a career." "Liv, it's Saturday. You've never worked on a Saturday." "Fine, maybe I have been here all day. Go on, take the time out of your day to let me know how much of a loser I am because I don't even have a proper job where I could fill in time on the weekend on days like this where I realise I have nothing and am going to die alone." "You have an English degree and you write for a magazine. How is that not a career?" Bless him, he seemed genuinely confused. "I write health and fitness articles for people with even less health knowledge than I have and that's alarming because no one would ever consider me fit, nor healthy." There is acid in my throat as I say the words because really, I'm on my second glass of wine and had chocolate for dinner. My weight has steadily increased by six kilograms over the last twelve months and I am in no position to be providing advice to those who genuinely need it. Christopher looks at the table and spies the empty wine glass and foil from the chocolate. "Sometimes you really do just party like the parental lock is off, don't you?" Kicking off his shoes he sat down beside me and while it was nice to have company the way he stared at me was not so nice. 

"What?" I demanded. Admittedly it did slightly haughtier than what I'd been going for. "Why do you look so sullen? You've had a one-week-long relationship with a man who, even though he's built a little like a ginger King Kong, you actually seem to like. Why are you sulking?" 

"I'm not." "Yes you are." "Fine. If you must know, he didn't call." "Didn't you only see him yesterday?" "No. Wednesday. But I sent him a text last night so that he would know I was thinking about him. He hasn't replied. That's a full twenty-four hours. Obviously he is not thinking about me." "You truly are insane," he said, laughing at me. "Christopher, if you're not going to be helpful you can go away." "I thought he called three times yesterday?" "He did. But that was yesterday and he has obviously had time to think it through and realise he is no longer interested in me." "Liv, calm down. This is your doctor speaking. Give him time. He has been attached to your side for a week and you keep pushing him away telling him you want space. He's giving you some and now you're sulking. Just give him a day or two to work out how he feels without you. You always have to rush these things or punish the guy for not behaving the way you want them to. Breathe, you freak. This is what you wanted." "I am perfectly calm, thank you." "No, you're not. You have this stupid idea in your head that all men behave the same. That all men who truly like you will want to move in with you after one night. Tell you a secret? Most men don't want that. Most men take time. They can be completely enamoured with you and still not message you constantly. He's a guy. Not a chick. Maybe he is every bit as neurotic as you are, but he's still not going to call every hour of every day unless he feels a sense of duty." 

Stuck my nose in the air and refused to look at him as that would have been acknowledging that what he is saying makes perfect sense. As the universe enjoys messing with me that was the exact moment the phone beeped to life with a message from Big Red asking what I was doing. Christopher winked at me knowingly and headed off to get ready for what he calls a date but which in reality is a hunting trip. If not hunting then a takedown. Replied that I was at home. Big Red responded straight away saying that he'd call me back in five minutes. 

And then I felt smothered so I didn't answer when the phone rang. 

I am thirty-one. I have been on more dates in the last three years than most women will have in a lifetime. I have dated men from all walks of life and all backgrounds. I have been chased, wooed, seduced, and pined for. I have also been kicked, lied to, cheated on, and cast aside. And now, despite all that, I still know absolutely nothing about men and dating. 

Liv x