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#Incorrect marvel
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Pepper: We’ve run out of kids shampoo so I’ve just been using ours for the kids-
Tony: I thought their hair looked older-
Pepper: Shut up
Tony: I thought Peter had the hair of a 45 year old man, change it back!
Pepper: Tony-
Tony: Morgan’s gone grey!
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gay-jewish-bucky · 26 days
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Bucky, drunk and sobbing on the table: And I keep trying to tell Steve I'm in love with him, but he's so damn dense and he never notices when I flirt with him!
Steve, Oblivious and Dumb: ...When did you meet someone else named Steve?
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incorrectpeterparker · 2 months
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Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion
Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all
Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion
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floilee · 5 months
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Morgan: The circle said you can't leave.
Kate: Dolls don't talk, Morgan.
Yelena: Hey, don't say that. When I was her age, I also talked to my dolls.
Kate: I think that's the biggest crazy.
Morgan: The circle doesn't like you.
Kate picking up the doll: Oh, no? So listen here stupid form, I don't like you too.
Yelena smiling: Who's talking to dolls right now?
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Yelena Bolova: (walking in with a knife) Is stabbing someone immoral?
Bucky Barnes: (not looking up) Not if they consent to it.
Loki Laufeyson: (thrilled to have found his people) Depends on who your stabbing.
Steve Rogers: (visibly concerned) YES??!!?
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kelconfetti · 6 months
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tony would say this to peter and peter would actually stop talking.
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lovelyinspiration1463 · 8 months
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Thor: I was once arrested for being too cool.
Loki: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
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Bucky: *shoots and kills people*
Bucky: *is responsible for some of the most important assassinations in 20th century’s history*
Steve: awww you go babe, you put the “cute” in execute :3
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ragingemini · 3 months
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Fury: That's the briefing. It is all we know about the Winter Soldier. Any questions, notes, comments?
Steve:
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incorrect-assvengers · 5 months
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Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane
Harley: He'd be right
Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur
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firegal19 · 1 year
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Y/n: The gas immunizes the brain’s neuropathways from external manipulation
Bucky: English please kid
Y/n in Russian: It’s an antidote to mind control
Bucky also in Russian: Real mature
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incorrectmarvelquote · 3 months
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Peter: Sometimes Tony asks me “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Peter: I’ve learned that that actually means ‘stop’
Peter: He is never very interested in my thought process
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gay-jewish-bucky · 1 month
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Bucky: I liked you first!
Steve: Well, I said “I love you” first!
Bucky: [gets down on one knee] I proposed first.
Steve: Well, I- Wait, what?
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incorrectpeterparker · 2 months
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Peter: I accidentally ate MJ’s sandwich… How long do you think I have to live?
Ned: Ten
Peter: Ten what?
Ned: Nine
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floilee · 1 month
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Kate seeing Yelena for the first time: You look like someone who will create a lot of problems for me.
Kate:…
Kate: I’m kinda into that.
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marvel-lous-guy · 1 year
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Peter: when you ask for someone's name, you're essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention
Tony: Kid, what the fuck?
Harley: we should ditch names. You can get my attention by making the squeal of a bat bathing in cranberry juice on the night of a full moon.
Tony: ...
Peter: *viciously squeaks*
Harley: yes?
Peter: you wanna get pizza?
Harley: absolutely
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