#Implied lines are cool! I'm not used to them but they're cool!

[starry-bi-sky]

sO i got to part two of the daniel jason todd fenton au :)

>:) word count 8k+

So, first, taglist for folks who asked for it: @blep-23 @mikyapixie @isnt-that-grape @randomenglishmajor @illryiannightmare @the-navistar-carol

SECOND: this part needs a trigger/content warning list: - CW Mild Swearing - CW Slight Psychological Horror - ^ CW mild depictions of being haunted by your own ghost/death flag and not realizing it (other people do though) - CW Brief Emetophobia (Danny throws up during a second nightmare) - CW Danny has nightmares of dying - except its of Jason Todd's warehouse death. It's not explicit but it's implied - TW Mild mentions of perceived Blood - TW Depictions of Corpses (first is non-descript, and then second one is slightly more descript but its not anything uh, super descriptive) - TW Mild description of burns (the descriptive part above) - TW Depictions of Panic Attacks (Danny's nightmares)

I mentioned that this au was inspired by a song lyric from Jann's 'Gladiator' here is that line:

I know your addiction's attention, Let's start a show Is it everything and more than you were hoping for? Show us something we ain't never seen before

The day after Danny meets himself, he's downstairs having breakfast in the dining room with the rest of the family, listening idly in on their conversations. Tim Drake is talking about something about Wayne Industries with Mr. Wayne - and wasn't that a startling surprise to learn the first time? - and Damian was slyly trying to feed Ace under the table. Duke Thomas was mid conversation with Cass, much of it audibly one-sided as Cass swaps between ASL and verbal speech.

(Danny comes across her a fair few amount of times in Wayne Manor. The first time was in the library. She hands him a book about planets, smiles, and walks away.)

(He hasn't talked much to Duke Thomas yet, but he plans to - he seems cool. They just haven't had the time to run into each other yet. Danny might just have to corner him, he thinks.)

And finally Dick Grayson on his left, his Dick Grayson, was talking away with the other Dick Grayson - who had stopped by from Bludhaven for the morning for his day off. He was a cop, ew. They were comparing lives, specifically college lives. There wasn’t much to talk about in their childhood, it seems. Danny was quietly listening in. 

(They both gave their Bruces headaches as children, apparently. Climbing the chandeliers and sliding down the staircase banisters. Flips and tricks only a child raised by the circus could do.) 

All-in-all, a very quiet morning, Danny thinks. That is, until the other Dick Grayson turns to him and goes; "I'm sure you've been asked already, but what do your parents do, Mini Jay?"

Danny squints at him, and releases his grip on his spoon to raise a pointed finger. "First off: only my Dick Grayson can call me Jay, you have your own." He says, slightly playful and nodding to Dick - oh that was going to get confusing, fast. He should come up with a nickname for one of them, probably - "And second: you're the second person to ask me that, actually. Jason - er, myself? - asked me yesterday. My parents are ectologists."

Apparently, mentioning that he met himself is a set of magic words, because the whole table stops what they're doing, and Danny's half-sinking back into his chair when all eyes turn to him in varying degrees of surprise. Dick - Richard, he’s going to call him Richard - looks at him with wide eyes and furrowed, confused brows. "You saw Jason?"

(Danny sends Bruce a confused look, but he's not paying attention - looking at everyone else with threaded eyebrows and a faint frown. Well, at least Danny isn't the only one confused by the reaction.)

(What a comfort.) 

"I guess that nickname is a dimensional constant." He mutters under his breath, and straightens up, eyeing the room warily. It... doesn't bode well to him that the Waynes were surprised by his other self's appearance -- was hisself estranged from the family?

...He hopes that doesn't happen in his world. Dick and Bruce may not be his adoptive family, but he likes them quite a lot. He wants to stay in contact with them when they get home.

"Yeah, he was in the library." He says, frowning at Richard Grayson. "He was sitting in my armchair." He supposes it was Jason's armchair first -- god, that was so weird to refer to himself in third person. "We talked for a little bit, and he asked me what my parents did. They're ectologists, by the way."

He turns to Mister Wayne and tilts his head, "Did you really not know that he was here?" He asks, narrowing his eyes. He wouldn't expect Richard to know, he doesn't live here. But Mister Wayne looks just as surprised, perhaps even a little remorseful.

(There’s a pit in his stomach that’s growing bigger.)

(His neck burns with a new pair of eyes, ones that he can’t see.) 

Mr. Wayne looks thoughtful for a moment, and then carefully, he goes; "Jason is rather... independent. He comes and goes from the manor when he feels like it." And the way he speaks sounds like he was choosing his words carefully. Danny suppresses the shiver of unease.

Something was not well in this house. Something unspoken was haunting the air. 

(Jason would know about hauntings, wouldn’t he?) 

He hopes history won't repeat itself, he likes Bruce quite a lot.

"...Alright," he says after a moment of silence, not hiding his wariness as he slowly turns back to Richard. His eyes flick towards Bruce, and then to Ricard. "Anyway, my parents are ectologists, as I've said for the third time now."

Richard, for his effort, takes the topic change easily, and his surprise shifts into one of curiosity - as does everyone else. (Did Danny really not mention what his parents did? Even Dick and Bruce look intrigued.) "That's... new." Richard says lightly, Danny commends him for the way he sounds non-judgmental. "What are ectologists?"

Danny quirks a dry half-smile, and deadpans; "Studiers of all things dead and afterlife."

...And there is that reaction again. A ripple of surprise and intrigue that spreads throughout the room as everyone looks at him, like a bunch of cats perking up their ears. 

On the other side of the table, Damian scoffs quietly, a sound much like the one Jason - the other one - did when Danny told him. Danny's eyes snap over to him in an instant, he stares at him, trying to study him. Why that reaction - again? 

He lets himself frown, briefly, before addressing Richard again. "Everyone just calls them ghost hunters, but the 'official' term is ectologists." He drawls, air-quoting the word 'official' with his fingers as he rolls his eyes. "They've been obsessed with ghosts since college. We even have a lab in the basement, and they keep liquid ectoplasm samples in the fridge."

Danny's been in the lab a handful of times, he and Jazz both have, either to clean it as part of their chores, or to listen to a lecture from their parents for their newest invention. The lab is cool, kinda, but Danny thinks it wouldn't look out of place in any evil lair of a Rogue with a doctorate. 

…He’s glad that the Fentons weren’t stationed in Gotham. They would have blown up a street. He’s surprised they haven’t already. 

"Ectoplasm?" Dick asks, leaning over to catch Danny's eye. Almost by instinct now Danny smiles at him, and then nods.

"Mom and dad say it's the stuff that makes ghosts." He explains, leaning back against his seat, his arms crossing. "It's invisible in its natural state, and it makes up everything. Kinda like the Force from Star Wars, or just, matter in general."

That cracks a few quiet, laugh-like sounds through the dining room. Danny halves a smile again, a swelling of pride in his chest that lingers for a moment. "My parents say that when ectoplasm condenses enough in one area, it can start taking on visible properties," he continues, "they say that ghosts are just the memories and emotions of a dying person or animal being imprinted on a concentration of ectoplasm, and that the ghost itself isn't actually the person or animal, just matter trying to mimic it."

Which Danny guesses makes sense, even if the way they talk about ghosts made him really uncomfortable. His parents insisted that ghosts weren't actually people, but he just couldn't shake the idea that they were. How close to ‘human’ does something get before they actually are? 

Well, no, that wasn’t fair. Superman wasn’t human, and yet everyone treated him like he was. Let him rephrase himself:

How human-like must something get before they are considered as such? Before they’re considered sapient and sentient, and real?  

"That's... quite interesting." Someone says, and Danny turns to see Bruce leaning his elbows against the table and putting his chin on threaded fingers. He looks genuinely engrossed in what Danny's said, and pride once again leaks into his heart. "You mentioned they kept ectoplasm in a liquified state in their... fridge?"

"Oh yeah," Danny says, putting his full attention to Bruce, "it's crazy. They keep little test tube racks in the freezer full of liquid ectoplasm, and it's this - uh - glowing, bright green stuff. It used to be the weirdest thing in the house."

(From his peripherals, Danny notices the room tense up again at his description — and he bites back the urge to slow his talking down and narrow his eyes. Suspicious. Suspicious. The Waynes weren’t scientists - why do they react to something like they are?)

(Nobody knows what ectoplasm is. To the scientific world, it's an unconfirmed theory of a state of matter. Why do the Waynes act like they know what it is?)

(Danny is not stupid. Even if his scientific family makes him feel like it, sometimes.) 

Bruce gives him this half-tilted, confused smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. "Used to be?"

Danny opens his mouth, the answer already on the tip of his tongue -- and then he freezes. His jaw clicks shut as he frowns. Should he say what his parents' latest pet project was? Surely, surely, it would be fine? Their inventions never work - and a life-sized portal is just another thing on his parents' crazy ideas list.

His teeth sink into his bottom lip, chewing on the skin as he rolls the answer over in his head. ...Surely, it would be fine. His face turns in hesitance, and his shoulders scrunch and twist to his ears, like he's about to admit something that could get him grounded by his parents.

"They... may, or may not, be building an inter-dimensional portal in the basement?" His voice steadily pitches upward nervously the longer he speaks. By the time he finishes, his voice is close to a squeaky pitch.

There is a horrified silence that follows him, sitting in the air so still-like that Danny could hear the whoosh of a pin drop. He should have expected that, nervously surveying the ranging horrified expressions on the Wayne family's faces. "...I promise they're harmless... to the living." He hesitates, "Mostly."

Bruce stares at him for a long moment. "Mostly?" He repeats, his brows arched high and pinched together. Danny cringes back a little.

"Dad's a little clumsy, that's all." He says, shrugging with a helpless smile. It doesn't help, he thinks, and the silence is strangling. Sitting up, he's a little frantic to add; "I really, really, doubt it's going to work, Bruce. Their inventions never do. Mom and dad built a mini portal in college and it didn't work either!" There's a moment of silence following him, before he quietly adds, wincing, "It- it did hospitalize the guy who was helping them, though."

He only heard about that when he asked his parents about the portal - it was still in production when they picked him up. Jack Fenton claimed it was safe as safe could be - they’d make sure that the ‘college’ instance never happened again.

Bruce - both Bruces actually - looked vaguely ill at the thought. Mister Wayne’s face was blank, his face sunk into his folded hands, and Bruce’s stare burned into Danny, intense like concentrated fire. 

Danny for some reason - either through his panicked urge to make things better, or through temporary insanity - laughs forcibly. "The worst thing that could happen is that the portal could explode, but that never happens."

Next to him, Dick makes a stressed sound. "That's not better, Jay." He forces out. He looks even more horrified.

Danny sucks on his bottom lip for a long beat. Then lets out a breath.

"Yeah, I know." Danny sighs, deep and long while his shoulders slump. He watches the room for a moment, with their various stony-like expressions, and looks back at the very concerned-looking Bruce. "But Bruce, I swear it's fine. Nothing's gonna happen, please don't call the Justice League on my parents. They really are harmless."

Bruce looks conflicted.

"I was being dramatic when I said the portal could explode, it won't." He continues, giving Bruce what Jazz has called his 'cheating puppy eyes'. "My parents are eccentric about their line of work, but they understand lab safety. They'd never do anything to put me and Jazz in danger."

...Actively or on purpose, that is.

He and Bruce stare each other down. One second, two seconds; what feels like thirty seconds pass in silence before Bruce relents, sighing deeply and uncannily dad-like. He drags a hand down his face, and rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "When we get back to our universe, you are giving me your phone number so you can contact me if anything happens."

Danny beams, nodding hurriedly. "Thank you, Buzz."

Bruce isn't able to hide his smile - small as it was - quickly enough. "You're welcome, Danny."

—-----

Danny has a nightmare that night. He doesn't remember most of it. There's a ticking sound, and high laughter, and there is a thumping heartbeat in his ears. Everything is dark and he is in agonizing pain.

He wakes up in paralyzing terror, a scream lodged in the back of his throat. His head pounds like a concussion and there is a shallowing ache in his ribs, like someone's kicked him, and kicked him, and kicked him until all air has been knocked from his lungs. He can't breathe.

Danny's hands scrabble for his throat, and even though he can hear himself gasping for air, it doesn't feel like he's taking any of it in. There is no relief in the action, no reassurance, and everything is so hot. He kicks at his blankets, his panic growing higher as they tangle around his legs.

He needs-

He needs--

He needs to move. He needs to get up. He needs to free himself. He needs to prove that he's not dying. He feels like he's dying. He feels like he's burning. There are tears swelling in his eyes as he finally gets the blankets off his feet, and he rolls - quite literally - out of bed.

He tries to catch himself, he does. But he doesn't. He hits the floor with a heavy thud and can hardly bring himself to care -- he catches himself on his elbows, and the sting it causes makes him feel worse. The air is knocked out of his chest again. 

The ground is cold though, blessedly cold. And before Danny can realize this, he lifts his head and, disoriented, looks for the door. It's too dark, it's too dark. His head swivels blindly in search of it. He needs to get out, he needs to escape. 

"Bruce." He croaks, still trying to force air down into his lungs. His call comes out raspy, weak, and hot tears blur his vision.

"Dick." He tries instead when a minute passes and no one comes, and he thinks he can finally start breathing. No one comes to find him - his voice is too quiet to wake anyone up. The tears in his eyes bubble and pop, and stream down his face.

He makes a distressed noise. "Jazz?" He whispers, his voice shaky and uneven with an encompassing want for his sister. It's nearly been a month since they got here. He wants Jazz.

No one hears him. He's alone.

God, he doesn't want to be alone. Please don't make him be alone.

Danny eventually gets himself calmed down. But he is curled up on the floor, trembling with the lingering traces of fear from whatever dream had woken up. His fingers dig painfully into his arms, leaving crescent-moon indents by his nails. The contents of the nightmare are already fading further into his mind, slipping out of his hands like water. Like ash.

He feels no need to chase after it.

The back of his shirt is damp with sweat, and in between the trembling he is also shivering, goosebumps lacing up his arms. His eyes have adjusted to the dark, and he stares with wide, crying eyes at the side of his bed. His breath comes out in short, shaky pants.

He doesn't know how long he lays there, trying to comprehend what happened as his mind still hangs onto the edge of the dreamworld. It feels like there is something in the room with him, crawling along the walls.

Danny forces himself to get up, and the sudden standing makes his vision blacken and swim as blood rushes to his head. He stumbles, slightly, and lurches halfway across the room for the light switch.

He squints as the room is drenched in light, chasing away the lingering paranoia in the back of his brain. He is still shaking. His head still hurts. He still looks, wide eyed, around the room for anything out of place.

There is none.

But he still feels unsafe. He needs- he needs to find someone, or go somewhere else. He grabs a firm pillow off the bed, and leaves.

(He ends up in the library alone. He turns on the lights and grabs a book Dick recommended to him, and he curls up tight in his armchair. He ends up falling asleep just as the sun is rising.)

(He doesn't tell anyone about the nightmare.)

-

Progress in getting the three of them back to their home dimension is slow. Dimension Hopping is a rare experience, and what update Bruce gets he relays back to Danny and Dick: they're trying to figure out a way to send them back safely, from the exact time they disappeared, and to find what dimension they're from. It's complicated magic.

It's been three weeks. 

Danny, for one, is getting homesick. He misses Jazz, Sam, and Tucker terribly, and his parents. Bruce and Dick are great, really, and Danny kinda wants to keep in touch with them after they return to their own world, but they aren't replacements of his sister and friends.

His nightmare from a few days ago still haunt his steps. He closes eyes, and that high-pitched laughter and blood-rushed pounding burns itself his ears and fills a level of unseen terror into his heart. Danny thinks that if he was hit with Scarecrow's fear gas, this is what it would feel like.

He tries to avoid falling asleep by reading in his room, by stargazing, but the place sets him on edge; an unsettling reminder of that nightmare. So he goes to the library when it gets too much, he's run into Bruce twice now doing it, and they both do reading.

Danny thinks Bruce can suspect something is up with him, but he doesn't want to tell him about that nightmare. Dick either, for that matter. He just wants to forget it.

They spend afternoons in the gym, they have it mostly to themselves - Tim Drake is at Wayne Industries, Damian Wayne is at school, so is Duke Thompson, and Cassandra Cain is... doing whatever she does during the day. Danny's not totally sure.

Dick in that time, tries showing Danny how to be more flexible. He says he's a fast learner, but Danny knows he's been slacking lately with his lack of sleep.

There isn't much they can do outside of the manor - Bruce and Dick can't go outside because they'll catch the attention of the paparazzi, and they are both significantly younger than their counterparts, and Danny isn't allowed out without a chaperone.

Which has its own unique set of problems because rumors could rapidly start if he's seen with any of the Waynes multiple times. The paparazzi aren’t dumb enough… okay, most — some — of them aren’t dumb enough to make a tabloid claiming there’s a new Wayne kid just because they see the Waynes interacting with one kid, one time. Multiple times however? That’s another story. And, he has the same issue as Bruce and Dick - he's a baby-faced Jason Todd. Who is Bruce Wayne's adoptive son in this world. He could be recognized. 

And how do you explain a tiny Jason Todd to a world where Jason Todd is a full grown man?

So all three of them are... stuck inside, so to speak. And making do with what they can. Danny spends most of his morning and early noon with Dick, and then they both separate after to have time to themselves before dinner.

Bruce is in one of the studies, doing... something. Danny's not sure and he keeps forgetting to ask.

--

Dick likes Danny - Jason? - Jay. Danny said that he can call him Jason, and he doesn't protest to being called Jay. 

Point is: he likes Jay. He's a delightful kid to be around; he's funny, and clever, even if he doesn't realize it himself. And Dick's a little upset that Jay isn't his brother in his world, he would've loved to have him around the manor. He probably would have visited more if he was around.

Something that he and Bruce were still slowly trying to fix...

He likes spending time with him - getting to teach him his acrobatic tricks was not something he expected, but he loves showing Jay how to do them. He thinks this is probably how Bruce felt when he was training Dick how to be Robin, all those years ago.

Speaking of which, Dick was still not over the Robin jacket that Jay wore. The origins of it weren't the best - Jay started wearing it to take back the insult the other kids at his school were throwing at him - but isn't that what part of what being Robin was about? 

Cheesy, he knows. But his point still stands.

He thinks that if he had to pass the Robin title down to anyone, it would be Daniel Jason Todd-Fenton. Or perhaps just Jason Fenton-Todd? Jay doesn’t seem all that attached to the name Danny. 

(“Mom and dad just started calling me it when they picked me up.” Danny — Jay shrugged when Dick asked him about it, the two of them swinging from bar to bar. “I wasn’t tellin’ ‘em my name at the time, so they gave me a new one.”) 

If he had met Jason before the Fentons had, Dick thinks maybe he would have adopted him instead. And what would that future look like? Would he have been able to, when he had to go to college and classes? Would he have been able to keep going out at night, and keep that secret to himself? 

He’ll never know, he supposes. 

“I think that’s it for today.” Dick says, swinging off the jungle gym and landing on the mats with a cat-like thump. Behind him, Jay groans, and drops with a less graceful thud as Dick stretches out his spine. There’s a satisfying pop-pop-pop of his back as he leans back. 

He turns, and sees Jay going for his water bottle. He looks tired — from what, Dick doesn’t know. But there are dark bags under his eyes and a sleep-distracted look on his face. He’s been distracted, and their lessons have been suffering from it. 

Dick wants to know what’s bothering him, but Jay hasn’t said anything, and Dick doesn’t know what he could say to make it better. 

“I can still keep going.” Jason insists, but he tiredly slumps over to grab his water, and straightens up sluggishly. It’s probably not a lie, but anything Dick shows him he doubts that Jay will retain it. “You don’t have to stop.”

“Oh but I want to.” Dick says, walking over to grab his own water. “I’m human too you know—” and Jay snorts at him with a grumbled ‘doubt it’. “—so I also need my breaks.” 

“With the way you can bend I really don’t think so.” Jason mutters, eyeing him up and down. Dick laughs quietly and takes a long sip of his water. “Seriously, circus boy, what do they feed you? Actually - what did they feed myself?”

Dick’s laughter doubles as Jay’s eyes grow wide and wild, his head shaking with spasming arms. “No, seriously! I don’t know if you’ve seen the other me yet, Dick, but he- he’s fucking huge!” He exclaims, and jumps as high as he can as his arms try to make a silhouette above his head. “I- I’m almost as big as Jack Fenton, and we’re not even biologically related! I don’t know where he got that much height to him, ‘cause- ‘cause Willis, that drunk bastard, was never that big!” 

Dick hasn’t seen the elusive other Jason Todd, and he’s been so curious about him. Both he and Bruce have — especially considering that everyone else doesn’t seem to want to tell them about him. He tried stopping his other self to ask about Jason Todd of his world, and his other self just said that he was his little brother and the second robin, and that he did a lot of his own stuff. 

It was a whole bunch of fucking nothing. And he and Bruce were growing suspicious about it. They hadn’t thought of it before because, well, they were busy adjusting to being in a new world and trying to figure out a way back. And then Jason was never really brought up, but neither was Dick Grayson unless Dick asked about it, and he didn’t think to ask about Jason Todd before.

It was all just strange.

But Jay’s exclamation over the size of himself distracts Dick long enough that he forces himself to put the mystery of Jason Todd on the backburner for now. “I’ll- I’ll have to see him for myself, Jaybird.” He says when his laughter subsides, and he straightens up. 

“Seriously,” Jay stresses, and he starts to make his way towards the gym door. “He’s fucking massive, Dick. Built like a brick shithouse.” 

Dick almost starts laughing again, “Where did you even learn that phrase?” 

Jay rolls his shoulders back and grins at him slyly, “I read.” He says, and it’s so clearly not how he learned that word that Dick barks out a laugh. 

They reach the door, and Jay holds the door open as Dick reaches for the light switch. He looks behind him, surveying the room quickly to make sure that there’s nothing they could have left on the floor, before turning off the lights.

Bright green eyes stare at him from the mirror. Right where Jay is standing. 

In an instant, the lights are back on. Dick’s heart has been kickstarted into fifth gear, suddenly and loudly racing in his chest as he darts his head around the room. It was only two seconds, perhaps only even one, but fear has been shot like an adrenaline needle into Dick’s veins. An inhuman, skyrocketing fear alike to Scarecrow’s fear gas. 

What was that?

What was that?

WHAT WAS THAT?  

But there’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. There is only Jason where the eyes were. 

From the mirror’s reflection, Jason turns his head — he hadn’t been looking at Dick, he hadn’t been looking at Dick — and stares up at him. There is confusion written on his face as he glances up at Dick, and then at the mirror. He meets his eyes - Jason’s blue, blue, not green, eyes — and Dick forces himself to look away from the mirror and down at Jay.

“What was that for?” Jay asks him, perfectly normal and perfectly confused. 

Dick feels like he just ran a marathon. He’s panting, he doesn’t know why, and he forces himself to sound like he wasn’t as he wets his lips and furrows his brows. “I thought I saw something.” He says, frowning. 

He didn’t think. He did. He did. 

What did he see? 

It was standing where Jay was. Those eyes. Those green-green eyes. It was where Jay was. He forces himself to shake his head, his frown deepening, unsettled. Jason peers around him as if to see what he had, and Dick puts a hand on his chest, stopping him. “It was nothing, let's go.” 

He turns Jay around, and ignores his bewildered look. That lighthearted mood he had earlier has plummeted, replaced with an eerie paranoia as he takes the door from Jason’s hand and flicks the lights back off. 

When he looks over his shoulder at the mirror, there’s nothing there. 

—------------

Danny has another nightmare. It’s the same one. It’s dark again. That high pitched laughter fills his ears. The ticking is louder, louder, louder. It’s counting down, but to what - he can’t see — he can’t see what it’s counting down to. 

There is still so much pain. His head hurts, his body hurts. He has a body now, he can remember he has a body. He’s in so much pain. He looks down at his hands and pooling around his knees is a bloody yellow cape, it’s torn and bloody and his hands are bloody and torn and he’s wearing green gloves. 

He wakes up just before the ticking stops. He doesn’t know how he knows that the ticking stops. 

Danny rolls over and hangs himself sideways off the bed, gasping for air that doesn’t come. He wants to scream again, to shriek with such terror that it sends everyone in the manor running into his room. He doesn’t, he can’t, he has no mouth and he must scream. 

Danny gasps for air instead, and then dry heaves until he throws up onto the floor. His head is spinning with the fadings of a dream-made concussion, again. His chest hurts deeper, more, it’s no longer shallow and as if someone was sitting on his chest, like someone had beat him in the stomach and chest and head.  

He feels like he’s choking. He is, he’s choking on what bile he can’t get out of his throat, and he forces himself to swallow it back down. He’s crying, he realizes, and dragging in air down into his lungs to the point it hurts. 

What is going on? He thinks through the haze in his mind. With what lucidity he has he brings a hand to his head to make sure he’s not bleeding. His palm swipes against sticky skin, and all that comes back is sweat. He’s not bleeding. He feels like he is. 

Make it stop. His inner mind wails as he finally, finally, starts to calm down again. He’s still crying. The tears burn down his cheeks, and he absently sticks out his tongue and licks the ones that gather at his lips away. He wipes at his face again, and when he looks at his hands, all he sees is skin.

He’s not wearing gloves. 

His hands reach for his back, and grasp his sweat-soaked shirt instead. He’s not wearing a cape. It soothes him, just a little bit. But not enough to keep him feeling safe. 

Danny peers over the side of the bed, and through his dark-adjusted eyes he sees the sitting puddle of throw-up on the floor. He cringes, sniffling. He can’t keep that there. He needs to — he needs to clean that up. 

Alfred must be sleeping by now — what time is it? He doesn’t know. He can’t wake him up. Where does Alfred keep the cleaning supplies? 

Danny throws his legs over the side — they’re not broken, he thinks dazedly — why would he think they’re broken? — and he stumbles to the door. He avoids, somehow, the sick.

(He passes by a mirrored vanity on his way to the door. He doesn’t see his reflection staring at him with green-green eyes. He doesn’t see those eyes following him.) 

He runs into Bruce in the hallway. He should have guessed it so. Danny freezes in his tracks, fear shooting up into his throat as Bruce turns towards him, already a smile pulling on the older man’s face. 

It drops immediately when he sees him. It twists down, and his face burrows into concern. “What’s wrong?” He asks, and Bruce is kneeling before him before Danny can blink. He looks worried. Danny must look awful then.

(He does. He looks pale as a ghost, and his face is splotchy red and shiny with tears.) 

Danny blinks at him numbly, trying to get his thoughts in order. Bruce’s hands are on his shoulders, Danny throws his hands over them, squeezing the knuckles and blinking widely. “I had-” he licks his lips, “a- uh, nightmare. And then I threw up.”

Fuck, he feels like a toddler. His eyes burn with embarrassed tears. He’s fucking thirteen. He’s not a baby. But he feels like a little kid going to their parent’s room. Bruce isn’t even his dad. He shouldn’t feel this way. 

But Bruce doesn’t make fun of him, or scold him, and Danny didn’t really expect him to, but the concern that melts over his face as his eyes soften makes him feel all warm and fuzzy anyways. “Okay,” Bruce says, expression softened but no less worried, and stands up. “Okay, we can go find Alfred then.” 

Danny’s lips press together, uneven and wobbling. “Please don’t.” He says before he can stop himself, and his voice cracks. He feels like such a baby. “I can clean it myself. We don’t have to wake him up.” 

“Do you even know where the cleaning supplies are, chum?” Bruce asks, and in the dark hallway he can see him raise an eyebrow. Danny’s lips press tighter together. He doesn’t. But he can find it. 

They wake up Alfred. Dany feels like shit the entire time. 

“I’m sorry.” He croaks as he follows Alfred and Bruce down the hallway with a mop and a bucket. He’s so embarrassed. He’s going to cry again, and he hates it. “I can do it, Mister Pennyworth. Please.” 

“You sound,” Mister Pennyworth starts, his voice soft, “just like young Master Jason when he started living here.” He turns to throw Danny an endeared smile, and Danny thinks it’s supposed to make him feel better. It does, a little bit, and it also makes him feel worse. 

“I am Jason.” He says, and tears spill down his face again. He is Jason. That’s his name. It’s not Danny, it never has been. The time he’s been here has slowly been pointing that out to him. He may be Fenton, but he’s not Danny. 

Alfred gets it all cleaned up, and Bruce sticks with him after he leaves. Danny’s grateful and resentful of it — hasn’t he embarrassed himself enough tonight? 

Bruce leads him to the library, a funny parallel to the first time. “We can ask Mister Wayne —” Bruce’s face scrunches up slightly, and Danny laughs under his breath. At least he’s not the only one still weirded out by it. “— about getting you a new room tomorrow.” 

Danny sniffs dryly, “How’d you know?” He didn’t think it was obvious that he didn’t want to go to sleep in his room. Bruce smiles knowingly at him, sadly, and they both sit down in the lounge chair next to the fireplace. It sits across from Danny’s armchair.

“I know a thing or two about nightmares.” He says softly.

Oh. 

Yeah.

That’s right. His parents. 

He probably had nightmares about that. 

Danny looks away from him, his eyes drop to his hands. His bare, non-bloody hands. He leans into Bruce’s side. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” He mumbles. He doesn’t want to talk about dying. Or what he thought was dying.  

“And you don’t have to.” Bruce says, slinging one arm around him and slumping against the curve of the chair. Danny reluctantly follows his falling, and finds himself trapped between the back of the chair and Bruce’s side. His ear is pressed to Bruce’s heartbeat. “We can just sit here, and talk about something else.” 

Danny blinks at the empty fireplace. “Okay. Tell me about films again.” 

Bruce’s fingers dig gently into his hair, and scratch slowly against his scalp. “Okay, Danny.” 

Danny frowns. “And don’t call me Danny. It’s Jason.” 

He doesn’t look up to see Bruce’s smile, but he can hear it as the man thumbs over the shell of his ear. “Okay, Jason.” 

(Danny falls asleep halfway through Bruce’s telling of the history of the Grey Ghost. Bruce knows by the way his breathing slows into a steady rhythm and his eyes don’t open.) 

(He smiles for mite a moment, before it drops and his eyes turn to the bookshelf in the corner. Standing there is a small black figure, with two burning green eyes.) 

(They stare at each other for a long, long minute, Bruce’s heart rising slowly. The figure tilts its head, and disappears. Bruce doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night.) 

—-------

Danny stares down Bruce. Bruce stares him down back. It’s morning. It’s breakfast. Everyone is at the table eating, and he and Bruce are having a silent staring contest. Danny has to ask Mister Wayne about moving to a new room, he thought he would be able to do so after breakfast. 

(Who was he kidding? He wasn’t going to ask at all - why bother Mister Wayne about something he can get over?) 

(Bruce, apparently, wasn’t having it. With that stupid knowing look on his face.) 

But Bruce wants it to be now. Danny narrows his eyes at him, and Bruce raises an eyebrow back. Dick Grayson, his world, was going to notice soon. He was sitting next to Bruce this morning. That traitor. 

If you don’t do it, I will. Bruce’s face says. Bastard. Danny was going to take away his Jason rights.

Danny’s the first to relent, pressing his lips together into an annoyed, thin line, before he lets out a silent sigh and turns to Mister Wayne. “Mister Wayne?” He says, cringing slightly when Mister Wayne looks up at him - as with most of the room. 

“Yes, Danny?” 

He spares one last look at Bruce, who nods curtly at him, and Danny throws him one last annoyed look before turning back to Mister Wayne. “Would it, uh, be fine if I changed rooms?” He asks. 

Mister Wayne tilts his head, slightly, to the side with a look of interest. “You can, but what brought this up? Is everything okay?”

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Danny was expecting that question. He glares at Bruce from the corner of his eye. And then smiles shakily at Mister Wayne. “Um, uh, yeah. Everything’s fine— it’s just, it’s stupid. Some, some stupid nightmares keeping me up.” 

Mister Wayne’s brows furrow, and Dick looks concerned from Danny’s peripherals. “It’s not stupid, you can change your room. I’m sorry you’ve been having nightmares.”

He doesn’t even ask what they’re about. Bruce didn’t either — he thinks he would’ve, maybe — but fuck, jeez. Danny laughs uncomfortably, scratching his jaw. “Yeah- um, thanks. It sucks.” He just barely stops himself from blurting out that he was dreaming that he was dying.

That was not a can he wanted to open. They would have questions, he knows they would, and he doesn’t want to think about it. The image of his bloody, torn hands are already seared into his mind. 

Everyone goes back to eating.

(Dick keeps looking up at him with a shadow of a frown on his face, like he’s keeping an eye on him. Quick enough that Danny doesn’t notice it. Bruce does, and watches his son from the corner of his eye.)

(Danny doesn’t see it, but his reflection turns its head. And peers around the back of its chair. Its eye burns green and it stares at Dick. The next time Dick looks up, it catches his eye.)

(He doesn’t straighten up, he forces himself not to react. He just keeps staring at it, his breath locked in his lungs, his limbs filling with a low, buzzing static. He doesn’t know what it is. It’s terrifying him.)

(The reflection doesn’t react to him, but its eyes seem to… glitch. And an eye appears next to it, and another one appears in a line. The pupils slowly turn to look… at Danny.)

(The window begins to crack.)

“JaSON!” Dick suddenly yells, standing up so abruptly that his chair falls back and slams against the ground with an echoing bang. Danny jerks back in surprise, and stares at Dick, who looks at him with equally wide eyes. 

Dick looks like he’s seen a ghost, his face pale as a sheet. He looks ill. He’s panting, there’s a sheen going over his forehead, like he’s just run a mile. But he’s gripping the table like he may just vault over it.

And everyone is looking at them both once again. Bruce looks incredibly concerned. 

“I— what?” Danny says, pushing his back into the chair as far as he could go. 

Dick blinks, and heaves a breath. Like whatever trance he was in was just… snapped out of. His brows furrow, and he moves, suddenly, peering over Danny like he’s trying to look around him. Left, right, and over, and then back again. 

“You—” he pauses, breathing in, “you looked like you were about to disappear.” 

Danny stares at him in disbelief. And he looks behind him, laughing nervously. There’s nothing there but his own reflection in the smooth glass window. “What- what kind of fucking—” he turns back around to look at Dick. “Why would you say that?” 

“There was something in the window.” Dick says immediately, and Danny is immediately rising to his feet and rushing around the table. Nope - nope, nope, fuck that. He’s by him and Bruce in an instant, as the other Waynes stand up and turn to the window as well.

Dick’s arms are around him the moment he’s within reach, tugging him into his side as one hand presses down against his chest, keeping him close. Dick hasn’t taken his eyes off the window, brows furrowed and serious. 

Everyone looks so serious. It’s freaking him out a little bit. 

“What was your nightmare about, Jay?” Dick asks when he finally tears his eyes away from the window and looks down at him. He’s got a protective hold on him, something so similar to Jazz whenever their parents set something on fire upstairs. 

Danny swallows dryly — does he have to say it? Saying it might bring him back to it, and he doesn’t want to go back to it. Twice was enough for him. “I was dying.” He admits anyways, and regrets it immediately when half a dozen heads all snap to look at him. 

In a panic, his mouth runs. “I was- I don’t remember anything- I just, it was dark and I was in pain and-” He presses his lips together, “I— I was in so much pain. There was this laughter—” Laughter. Familiar laughter now that he thinks about it. From the news. Danny’s lips curl downwards, and he whispers to himself, “Joker?”

“Joker?” Dick repeats, his voice hard. When Danny looks up, his face is unrecognizably stern. “You had a dream that the Joker was killing you?” 

“I— no— yes?” Frustration bleeds into his chest, fear pooling up his throat as the nightmare pulls on the edge of his memory. “I don’t fucking know. I didn’t see anything, all I heard was ticking and that stupid laughter. And I was bleeding, and I was wearing this yellow fucking cape, and- and I was dying.” 

He pulls himself away from Dick, his breathing picking up. “I just- I was— there was this ticking sound and I woke up before it stopped, and I- I don’t know why I knew it was about to stop — but I know that when the ticking stops something bad was going to happen— and it was just a nightmare.” 

Danny grits his teeth, and looks back up at Dick, forcing himself to calm down before he works himself into a panic. “It was just a fucking nightmare, Dick.” He says forcibly, and then he marches out of the room to the library. 

His appetite’s been ruined. 

—---------

Danny’s — Jason’s — asleep next to him. Bruce would think it was sweet if it weren’t for the fact that Jason’s been having nightmares about dying of all things. Nightmares that weren’t, he suspects, completely unfounded. 

His other self looked ill in the face as Jason marched out of the room that morning after Dick’s outburst. Outburst. That’s all he can think to call it even if it sounds juvenile. Like it was unfounded as Jason’s nightmare. 

His other self has been hiding something from him. Something about Jason Todd of this world, who he hasn’t seen at all since they arrived, but Danny — Jason — has. He would’ve thought the other Todd was a ghost if his other world’s… children… hadn’t confirmed seeing and knowing him recently. 

(That was something he still hasn’t fully comprehended. Children, plural? He adopts more after Dick? He has a biological son?) 

He’d be interrogating his other self on this if Jason wasn’t asleep next to him. It would be remarkably easy, as they were all sitting in the living room for the afternoon. All his other children were vigilantes, he wouldn’t need to keep pretenses.

But Jason is asleep next to him, and he doesn’t know. So he resolves to staring holes into his other self’s head, who was going through documents. A case, he bets. His other self doesn’t pay him any mind, but Bruce knows he knows that he’s staring at him. 

(“What have you been keeping from me?” He growls the moment Jason is out of the dining room, rising to his feet. The look on his other self meant that he knew something about those nightmares that Bruce didn’t. 

His other self looks at him, “Nothing that concerns your world.” He says, all of the kids looked tense as well, but now they were staring between the both of them like a fight would break out. 

“Bullshit.” Dick snaps before Bruce can speak, he walks around him and points an accusing finger at his other self. “You looked like you saw a ghost when Jaybird said he was dreaming of the Joker killing him. You know something.”

He did not tell them anything.) 

Whatever it was that his other self was hiding, Bruce would find out before they went back to their world. This concerned him, and it concerned Jason’s safety. If he wasn’t safe and his other self knew something about it, Bruce would be furious. 

Jason’s ragged gasp cut through the air like a knife, and Bruce’s gaze snapped down to his face as the boy’s eyes flew open and he jerked sharply. Jason’s hands were latched onto his shirt before Bruce could react, his nails dragging into his skin like he was trying to claw himself up.

It was another nightmare. Jason was clawing at him, trying to sit himself up while jagged, awful sounding gasps filled the air. He wasn’t looking at Bruce, he wasn’t looking at anything, his eyes glazed over like he was still trapped in the nightmare. 

Bruce wrapped his arms around the small boy and pulled them both down onto the ground, ignoring his other children standing up and looking at them until he had Jay in a cradle. 

The boy was still gasping for air, hyperventilating. His hands drop from Bruce’s shirt and scratch at his throat, his arms forming an ‘x’ while he tilts his head back and desperately tries to draw in oxygen. Bruce tilts his head back up with his hand, and leans him against his shoulder. 

“Breathe.” He murmurs, pushing damp black curls out of Jay’s face. It was a poor command - Jason’s eyes were squeezed shut and his face scrunched in pain, Bruce doesn’t think he can even hear him. “You’re safe.” 

“Bruce.” Dick hisses into his ear, and Bruce doesn’t look at him. He grunts to let his son know he heard him. “The mirror.” 

Bruce’s eyes fly up.

There was a floor length mirror sitting in front of the couch. A mirror that Bruce was conveniently, coincidentally, sitting in front of. A mirror that should have been working as all mirrors do. 

A mirror that, instead of showing Bruce his reflection back as he was, showed him in his Batman suit. Jason was in his arms, but in a torn, bloody uniform. A uniform that looked like a Robin suit. Jason - his Jason - wasn’t a Robin. But here he was, dressed as one, his black-yellow cape pooling beneath him and covered in blood. 

The Jason in the mirror, the Robin, wasn’t breathing. His head lolled over Bruce’s arm lifelessly. 

Bruce’s heart skids to a stop, and he looks back down. Jason was still breathing, his hyperventilating was beginning to slow, but he was breathing. The pained crease of his face was softening, even as his brows were still furrowed. 

When Bruce looks back up at the mirror, the reflection has changed. It wasn’t back to normal, Jason was just in a different suit. He was wearing a white hazmat suit now, and he was burned, horribly. The suit was melted to his skin in patches around his body in black, charred splotches, what wasn’t burned was torn, and the skin he could see was cauterized. The only part of him that was bleeding was his head, and it soaked his black hair red. What of his face he could see, there were bright green lightning figures going up his neck, burning the skin around where it glows. 

The mirror cracks down the middle, severing Jason from Bruce. 

He forces himself to look down, terrified to see the reflection a reality right in front of him. But Jason was alive, uninjured, and breathing quietly. Bruce presses two fingers to his throat, and feels a steady pulsepoint thumping against the pads of his fingers.

Jason’s eyes open and blue stares up at him.  

When Bruce looks up at the mirror, the reflection is back to normal.  

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc au #dp x dc au #dpxdc au #dpdc #dpdc crossover #Danny is Jason Todd au #i didn't think of anything beyond the ending point howEVER #this post is totally open for additions if anyone is interested #i love seeing add-ons to posts #anyways EVIL LAUGHTER #THIS IS THE PART I WANTED TO GET TO. PYSCHOLOGICAL HORROR #ANGST #if this was a fic i would have ramped up the horror more #alas tis a ficlet #starry terrorizes the waynes with the fact that jason is going to die in his world and there's nothing they can do about it. #he doesnt know he's going to die. but they do :) #fun fact jazz was going to be here and she was going to be the one to see the ghost #if this was a fic that ending scene would've occurred after more build up of dick and bruce and co seeing the figure following danny around #in the original variant au the waynes dont meet danny until he's already died and is a ghost #and i was gonna have one more jason appearance but couldnt fit one in #merry belated christmas folks #have some angst after two consecutive clone^2 posts of fluff #i tried to picture what danny's body would have looked like before being ghosted and #extremely burned was the first thing that came to mind. his suit is also almost entirely melted. something to kinda resemble his ghost half #but also i couldn't stomach making him completely unrecognizable because he WOULD have been #genuinely think danny's body would have been like. half melted at least

[honeydazai]

୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ 𝆬  ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴛᴛᴏᴏꜱ 𝆬 𓏸

feat.: Dazai, Chūya, Kunikida, Ranpo, Atsushi, Akutugawa, Nikolai Gogol

content: implied f!reader because of some pet names, maybe—?

DAZAI knows about your tattoo. Of course he does. Still, he makes sure to raise an eyebrow while sauntering over to where you're presenting it proudly to the other Agency members for the first time, mimicking surprise.

He doesn't hesitate to openly compliment you on it; he's a charmer by nature and syrupy-sweet words fall from his lips with ease as he traces his fingers over the swirls of ink, gaze appreciative. He can deal with all kinds of reactions from you, but he's all the more pleased if you smile bashfully or blush a bit at the cascade of compliments he's showering you in.

“My, my, bella, and here I thought you couldn't possibly get any more interesting. That suits you awfully well, you know? Ah, the fact that I'm even allowed to lay eye on a being as gorgeous as you gets me get all excited.”

While CHŪYA is surprised at the sight of your tattoos, his lips curl into a smirk almost immediately. He likes tattoos a lot, and you having some only makes you all the more irresistible. To him, they don't just look amazing, but they're also proof of you being strong enough to endure the pain of getting them — whether you've taken painkillers or not beforehand doesn't matter to him —, and that's impressive in itself. He's awfully lucky to have scored someone this gorgeous and badass.

He might just have to ask you for your tattoo artist; yours are so skillfully done, the design is nothing short of amazing and, hey, don't you think he'd look hot with a tattoo somewhere?

“Those are a damn work of art, babe. Hey, where'd you think I should get one? I'm thinkin' hip. Gotta fit into the whole tattooed mafioso cliché, right?”

Honestly, KUNIKIDA doesn't expect you to have tattoos when he first falls for you, but he grows fond of them more quickly than he ever would have thought possible. They're a part of you, which makes them perfect in his eyes; perfect, just like you are.

Even though you might assume he's not too knowledgeable when it comes to the topic of tattoos, he has a keen eye for detail — he's quick to marvel at how well done yours are, how clean the lineart is and how artfully they decorate your skin. He might just come along if you ever get more tattoos, if only to check if the place is up to standards; the risk of an artist using an old used needle on you doesn't leave his mind until he personally makes sure you're in good hands.

“I have to admit that these are very nicely done, dear, and they suit you well. Really well, even. Are you planning on getting more in the future? What? No, I'm not against it. Of course not. Quite the opposite; I'm merely interested in the things you like.”

For someone pretending not to care much about your tattoos, RANPO stares at the ink decorating your skin quite a lot. He doesn't care enough to be subtle, either; the second your eyes meet when you catch him looking, he merely turns away o so slowly, his attention once more on a document or a piece of candy.

If you let him, though, he'll gladly inspect each and every line, each dot and curve with utmost interest. You're his lover, after all; of course he's intrigued when he sees a part of you he hasn't until now. Really, he wants to know everything about it, even though he's got a few ideas about what they could mean — if they do mean anything — already.

“So, what about this one? Does it have a meaning? Yeah? Tell me, I wanna know. Actually, I know already. Well—, just tell me that I'm right, alright?”

To say that ATSUSHI is stunned when he spots your tattoos for the first time would be an understatement. Sure, it's not like he's never seen tattoos before, but he still didn't expect them on you — besides, yours look so cool, it's only fair that he's quite astounded, right?

He doesn't make the biggest deal out of it, but he'll listen eagerly if you want to explain the meaning or any design choices to him, nodding all the while and complimenting the work. If you ever get another tattoo, he might just come along — not to get one himself, he's not sure if that'd work with his quick regeneration ability, but simply to keep you company.

“These are amazing! I had no idea you had tattoos this cool! Do they have a meaning? Oh—, I mean, you don't have to tell me if it's too personal, of course. They're just so pretty.”

AKUTAGAWA isn't the type to mention your tattoos, though he is quite surprised when he sees them for the first time. Surprisingly enough, he quite likes the look of dark ink splattered artfully on your skin, and, for a moment, he even considers getting a tattoo himself, only to quickly decide against it; it'd be no use, given how he's fully covered up at all times either way.

If you want to get an actual reaction out of him, though, you have to be the one to bring the topic up, whether that's by showing your tattoos to him directly or just by mentioning them. While he's not a man of all too many words, he might eventually grunt out some appreciation — you're dear to him, after all.

“They look nice. What? You understood what I said just fine, don't play dumb. I won't repeat myself.”

Frankly said, showing NIKOLAI your tattoos is a mistake. He's immediately fond of them; really, his eyes light up at the sight and he's quick to grab you, pulling you closer to get a better look at it. It doesn't matter if you struggle — do you really think he'll let you overpower him? Besides, if you complain too much, he can simply cover the body part you've got tattooed with his coat and, well; his ability is quite useful in this situation, too. You really can't pull away when half your body is stuck mid-air.

He will get matching tattoos with you. If you ever so much as joke about it, be aware that he'll make it reality. What, you don't want a clown's grimace on your wrist? Well, too bad, because he thinks it'd suit you o so perfectly, and you wouldn't want to refuse him, now would you?

“Oh, oh, come look at this one, doll — don't you think it'd look just perfect on your skin? No? My, my, you're picky. I really don't think you could go wrong with a bird. Or, wait; could it be that you just want my name tattooed on you that badly, hm?”

notes: dedicated to @pseudowho <3 also, i'm finally watching season 4 and!! i like mushitarō lots. and jōno. jōno especially.

tag list: @pigeons-are-rad @cicada-teeth @dzaixchuu @hanakotheghost @shinwifexx @rhaeena @irethepotato @beandaifuku @the-foreigner @ranpobb , @arixsux , @dei-lilxc @atsyushi @satoruislove @pastelsbaby @marina-and-the-memes @texchou @shiggysredhead @savagemickey03 @rosepxtlz @nikolaiswife @okura-s @ladykatakuri @lunerenzo @berywritesstuff @xelia25 @yuuotosaka3 @double-black-dazai @alice0blog @fyodorstolenushanka @ttaiyaki @itsnovariella @black-rose-29 @fyodorscumsock @ayshaashaya @qxxstuff

@serenareiss @atsvsh1 @dilucshandholder @reiikonee @1-800-mocha @xvocadooo @hexiisexii @cupxfcxffee @jodidann @Happymoon16 @yumidepain @nchuuyahq @janeinerz @aaronthegreatestsimp @fanfiction-waifu @KimxKiba @Morigumy @villainouspotential @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @nikolaisgoofyahhhat @yeonwoomyheartbelongstoyou

@hellgirlwhore @Itssara-chan @lyrstybsd @angelsrunes @wuaoqu @disa-ster @aspookyscaryghost @nikolaisboner @urgodmoon @polish-anon @arisu-chan4646 @eroscastle @somnobun @birbysaur

#honeydazai writes #Bsd #Bsd x reader #Bsd x you #Bsd x y/n #Bsd headcanons #Bsd imagines #Bungo stray dogs #Dazai x reader #Dazai x you #Dazai headcanons #Dazai imagines #Kunikida x reader #Kunikida x you #Kunikida imagines #Kunikida headcanons #Ranpo x reader #Atsushi x reader #Chuuya x reader #Chuuya headcanons #Akutagawa x reader #Nikolai Gogol x reader #Chuuya imagines #Akutagawa headcanons #Ranpo headcanons #Nikolai Gogol headcanons #Atsushi headcanons #Atsushi imagines #Ranpo imagines #Akutagawa imagines

[autumnwhistles]

New excerpt from my Last Life musical! This is from Song 12, Their Dubious Game. Leading up to this, Joel has become the first Red name and the server is ostracising him, as per the rules of the season – however, Scott finds this a little suspicious, recalling his time on 3rd Life where Red-Green alliances were prominent. For the first time he starts to doubt if the games are really what they seem.

Lyrics:

SCOTT: In spring, I dwelled, with my husband long ago We lived among the flowers, no thought for sand or snow… But then he fell to red That should have meant the end If the world truly matched the rulebook in our heads Yet still we stuck as one Our tie was not undone* And looking back, I can remember A fealty shades could not dismember Red, crimson, gold, all indifferent we stayed  The king did not turn from his kingdom, With sun and sands, the swindler remained What changed were the rules, not the game we all played…

*thank you @rurus-kadoo for helpful tweaks with this line!

Extra notes:

THIS IS NOT THE FINAL PRODUCT! I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with all of this so there will be tweaks made.

The voices at the start are a chorus of players singing the previous song, "Green, Crimson, Gold", and will have lyrics as well but they're not included here possibly because I haven't written them yet, so they will sound less messy. This is because the two songs take place at around the same time and I thought it would be a good way to show it + it sounds cool + it shows Scott's attitude to the game compared to various other players, who aren't defying anything and are completely following the rules the game has set.

There are some glitches in the audio, eg 0:42, but they're either in the voice parts which means they'll be fixed during the recording process, or in the parts, which I can fix with splicing in production.

I don't think you have to watch 3L to understand this (though it would probably enhance it and I really recommend it, it's still my favourite Life series) – it is mentioned a few times in the musical but only as "the spring", and not extensively. Everything important that happened in it in relation to this will be explained in said song, and the first song implies that there have been multiple games and that this one takes place in the autumn "red leaves to mark the colours of the first to fall", so hopefully it's not too hard to figure out what "in spring" refers to. I'm following a headcanon I saw during Last Life that 3L took place in spring and LL in autumn, which I really liked but can't remember the poster (help would be appreciated).

That being said feedback on the above point (whether it's clear to understand or not) would be appreciated!

Likewise what it means to be red, etc, will be explained earlier in the musical.

I have alluded to a slight headcanon of my own in that (especially Last Life!)Reds aren't made aggressive, untrustworthy etc just by being Red, it's because that's what everyone just perceives of them as well (I have around 100 words of a fic I started for this actually...).

And yep there's a reference to the first song here (the titles of "the king" – ren, and "the swindler" – scar, being used hehe)!

#life series smp #last life smp #excerpts #trafficblr #scott smajor #smajor1995 #dangthatsalongname #3rd life smp #traffic life #watchers life series #evo watchers #not tagging eyes ears etc though bc this one isn't so focused on martyn's interpretation specifically #but they are the ones who set the rules in this game #last life the unofficial musical

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 "COVER" section analysis (1)

Analysis and theories on how to interpret the characters' profiles in the Cover section of the game, such as their exhibition year, ages, their medium, afflatus etc. A full dissection of the profiles.

I started seeing a lot of people argue about whether a character's first exhibition date correlates or not to their birth year, if their ages are correct and all the little inconsistencies that make it difficult to understand, so obviously I wanna talk about it lolol

disclaimer that I do not play or follow CN updates, I only play the global version! but I invite everyone with more insight (hehe....insight) to discuss in reblogs, replies or tags! (<- loves discussing viddygames)

I'm ALSO gonna be VERY pedantic and explain some stuff that might seem super obvious or go on really long tangents because this game is relatively new, so I don't wanna assume everyone is on the same page and alienate some ppl from discussing the lore and cool stuff of the game!

First of all, I would like to point out something that most people know by now about the character profiles, just in case someone hasn't seen it yet: the "Cover", "Item" and third unlockable story for every character are all written by Pandora Wilson for the UTTU magazine.

When you go to a character's cover page, there's an extra menu that can be found by tapping on the UTTU logo on the top right corner, as pictured here.

Which leads you to the following page, a Reader's Guide for UTTU's magazine.

The contents of the Reader's Guide are a little scattered and confusing, sometimes their own text format breaks as well, such as points 5, 6 and 8 being in the same paragraph as opposed to a proper numbered list. Or point 11 having a weird line break mid-sentence.

There are three items pictured on the guide, which have letters spelling out different words. The first one spells "ARCANUM", the second one "MAGAZINE" with "SELF-UPDATING" upside down, and the last one spells "ENJOY reading". Not pictured above is the full proper end of the guide:

But overall, this guide is important because it explains the formatting of the profiles and why they're worded a certain way. The implication is that the character profiles are interviews of all arcanists that Pandora Wilson and UTTU encounter, archiving and exhibiting their information like works of art.

There are some people who offered the idea of the profiles being written by Vertin, since the voicelines imply all characters are talking to her - but this cannot be, since the voicelines are just an archive of the lines said during other situations, such as being in the main menu (her suitcase) or battles (guided by her). In this case, it is extradiegetic within the context of the magazine (though the Guide does allude to the magazine being able to emit scents and have moving pictures within).

There is also another theory which replaces Vertin with the Foundation instead, given the events of the main story. For those who don't know, in the main story there is a very heated political debate within the Foundation regarding Vertin and all the arcanists she's gathered, on whether they deserve to be an independent group led by her or go through their usual regulation system. This theory implies that the information given in the profiles are reports made by the Foundation.

But given UTTU's Reader Guide and every 03 Story, we can all safely confirm that they're all written by them and Pandora Wilson. The items' description are also written from Pandora's perspective. This might be a lot just to establish a single thing, but I wanna be thorough!

As for why UTTU magazine specifically chose to portray all arcanists as pieces of art, using words like exhibit and measuring them the same way one would a statue, I don't have a very clear answer!

The game overall has a lot of themes regarding art, like Vertin's tuning abilities "First Melody" and "Grand Orchestra" being so obviously music themed. She's portrayed as a conductor for the arcanists she leads. The art theme also lines up pretty well again with the main story and how Vertin, as a Timekeeper, is meant to record time and events for the Foundation but she also keeps track of the people she meets and their endeavors, not for the Foundation but herself. It makes sense to me that the arcanists she takes in are seen as "artwork" by UTTU, they're stuck in time and represent an era that is no longer possible to reach or that has long passed. It makes sense that they're archived and represented as such to me, at least!

With that, we can finally go into the actual cover page for the characters. I'll be using the characters that I personally own and I'm most familiar with as examples. So everyone say hello to Pavia again.

Right away, we're hit with an unknown term - "mixed".

In the "Atlas" menu, there's three sections - "Story Review" which allows you to see the full story of the game as you unlock it, with some of the trails you can unlock (this is irrelevant to the post, I just wanna say it here in case anyone can help me out - but some of the trails don't seem to be recorded in this menu and there is no way to find them again?), then there's "Role Atlas", which I'll get to in a second, and "Psychube", a collection of all Psychubes.

The Role Atlas is, once again, written by UTTU. You can see their logo in all the magazines and there is the UTTU Bound Volume of all characters in one menu. The text on the covers varies, but I cannot read most of them clearly, the text inside does not change. All five of them in order are:

The Beyond

The Awakened

Arcanists

The Mixed

The Infected

All character's profiles begin by stating which of these categories they fit in. The VAST majority of the characters fall within the "Arcanists" group, so it's very easy to assume that all human characters will fall within this section, while others such as Door or Mr. Apple would fall in categories like "Awakened" by virtue of being objects.

And this is where it gets tricky, because as far as I know, there is no official description for any of these categories nor what they fully entail! But bear with me, there's a thought process somewhere in here.

The "Beyond" seems to be self-explanatory - it encapsulates any living creature that comes from space and isn't native to Earth, such as Voyager and aliEn T.

The "Awakened" seem to be inanimate objects native to Earth that gained consciousness and self-awareness, such as Mr. APPLe, Sputnik and Ms. Radio. But that is immediately put into question when seeing characters like Darley Clatter, Door and TTT being categorized as "Arcanists" instead.

There are only two "Mixed" characters - Pavia and Satsuki. The word alone could easily imply that they're either "half-arcanists", and thus less respected due to their lesser Arcanum abilities, or that their Afflatus is mixed, but Afflatus and the way they're assigned onto characters is still very vague, because they don't seem to align with their actual use of magic.

And then, we have the "Infected". There are no characters labelled as such so far, so there's nothing to speculate here.

With all of this in mind, I would like to point out the wording of the profiles. I will add a few examples here in order of category (Beyond, Awakened, Arcanist, and then Mixed).

Notice how Mr. APPLe, Darley Clatter and Pavia's description are notably different than aliEn T's? Compare "A supernatural work" to "A mixed's work".

I don't own Voyager, but her profile listed in the wikifandom site follows the same pattern as aliEn T. It is very distinct to me that neither aliEn T nor Voyager, the only two characters who come from actual space, aren't described as "A supernatural's work".

The point I'm trying to make here is that the first phrase of the profiles alludes to the character's parents or creator, rather than themselves.

After all, the character is the artwork, it makes sense that they allude to their origins/heritage - in this case, crediting the "artist" that brought them to life. With the examples given, it makes sense to me that the Beyond cannot be anyone's work, by virtue of being aliens. Human concepts such as family and such don't necessarily have to apply to aliens. Their origins can easily be much too complex to understand by our standards.

One might argue that this theory falls apart when examining the Awakened - after all, they're described as "An Awakened's work". But I have to insist that the Awakened are confirmed to be inanimate objects that became sentient on their own, and thus they are given credit for their own "existence" so to speak. I'd like to point out the introductions posted on the official global twitter for these three characters. Mr. APPLe's does not allude to the moment he became sentient, but Ms. Radio's and Sputnik's do.

And speaking of sentience, I chose Darley Clatter as the example for the "Arcanist" category because it perfectly illustrates the point I'm trying to make. Darley Clatter is not a human in any way whatsoever, it's a toy horse. But the difference that sets Darley Clatter apart from the "Awakened" is the fact that he was MADE by an arcanist rather than gaining sentience himself. He exists and is able to move and talk thanks to an arcanist - this is explained in his 01 Story

If you don't feel like reading it, here's a short summary - it tells us about a young girl named Lilian who wants a horse and how her father, who spoils her way too much, approaches an unnamed arcanist to make her dreams come true. The arcanist then gets the ingredients needed and prepares a speech for Lilian's father, insisting that the foal they created will be better than any other real horse. Thus, making Darley Clatter an arcanist's work.

But then it leads me to characters like La Source, Pickles or Door. La Source is easy to explain, as she's a magical creature. Nature itself and some animals aside from critters are presented as inherently magical in some ways, so that could also explain Pickles. I'm pretty sure one of the tips displayed in loading screens says something similar to "sentience has nothing to do with arcanum ability", which supports the previous statement. As for Door? I have no idea!

And there's also the more vague characters, who were implied or hinted to have been humans and are now supernatural entities such as TTT, Rabies, Poltergeist or Click. I'd argue that the supernatural aspect of it lines up with nature as an inherently magical thing, but that could be a reach.

Another point against the theory I offer is the fact that it implies most of the characters come from arcane bloodlines, and arcanists are said to be a minority. But how can they be a minority if everyone and their dog (hehe, Pickles....get it...) comes from arcane bloodlines?

During Constantine and Madame Z's divorce arc the last two chapters, one of the main points of tension within the Foundation is the fact that there are more arcanists than there used to be in the past (hinted to be a result of the "Storm"). And that these arcanists no longer feel comfortable having so many restrictions within society now that they're no longer a minority that's easy to ignore. While this information could work as an argument to support my theory, I think it's easier to remember that all the characters in-game are people that Vertin takes along to brave the storm with her - as seen with Regulus, they're special. The fact that there's so many of them isn't an issue. The ones not relevant to the main story are summoned with the spinning wheel from their respective times, it is not indicative of a high amount of Arcanists overall because they don't share the same space or time.

Characters like Druvis III, Mesmer Jr, Matilda and Sotheby are stated to come from prestigious or important arcanist families, but for other characters its either a subtle implication or their families are not addressed in the slightest.

And this finally brings us to the "Mixed" - where do they fit? Does this term allude to something different, just like the "Beyond"? Are they Mixed because their Afflatus is different? Or because they come from a family that includes both Arcanists and non-magical humans? Or because they're not full Arcanists? For this, we have to examine both Satsuki and Pavia. Both of them share a very particular detail that is important to their respective backstories: neither of them know their parents.

Satsuki is an orphan, which led her to start a life of crime out of necessity. The defining trait of her character is that she's trying to put her past behind her. This excerpt is from her 01 Story.

On this hopeless land, the orphan girl could only make a living by theft, which had earned her the title "Little Thief Using Arcane Skill" from the local government.

As for Pavia, he was sent to live with his aunt after his mother's death. The information on Pavia's parents is mentioned in his 02 Story and one of his voicelines.

His aunt did not like him. The child's face resembled that of her beautiful, sorrowful sister who had abandoned her, gone to the city, then died a few years later.

Mio padre (my father) was missing, Mia madre (my mother) was in the asylum. I can't remember her face, but I vaguely remember the rhyme she sang me... She's in Rome, probably in her middle age. I've never visited her.

On Pavia's specifically, there is a little confusion from my part since his 02 Story says that his mother died a few years after she left for the city, but then Pavia's voiceline implies she's still alive. I go into detail about that in this other post here, so I won't do it again either cause this post is already long as shit.

Either way, the main thing to keep in mind is that neither of these characters knew their parents, which could explain why "Mixed" is a category for Arcanists whose families and bloodlines couldn't be properly traced on account of not knowing them.

But also, "Mixed" encompasses arcanists who aren't purebloods, as implied by this document on Manus Vindictae from chapter 3:

"Holding a grudge against humans and contempt for the mixed, these extreme racists only recognize the bodies ruled by arcanist's blood as 'mankind'."

"In that case, humans, arcanists on the human side, and the mixed who tolerate the pollution of arcanist's blood [...]"

The wording used to described the Mixed speaks for itself. There's a discussion to be had about the parallels between the stigma against Arcanists and real life racism, or rather, how it replaces racism as we know it within the universe of the game. But that's an entire different debate. Overall, it's safe to assume that "Mixed" is a term for those without traceable and/or fully arcane families.

As for the "Infected", I have nothing to say because there's no one in that list! From what I can gather trying to look up information on them, Schenider was put on that list in the CN version for the demo, but was later taken out. I'll leave it at that for this part.

The next part of the profile states when they were exhibited and for how long. The first thing that comes to people's minds is to assume the year/era stated is when the character was born and that the age listed is their current age.

But upon closer inspection, that year of birth theory falls apart rather quickly because of characters like Regulus, who has been "exhibited" in two different centuries. Satsuki as well has two different ages listed. Or the fact that characters who should know their exact birth year instead have an approximation of it, like Matilda. Sonetto, despite being on the same age range as both Vertin and Matilda, is listed to have been exhibited in the 20th century too instead of the 1990's like Matilda's profile. Lilya, who was also in the Foundation at the same time as those three, is said to have been exhibited in the second half of the 20th century. They're within the same period, but imply very different things in the end. It's little details and wordings that simply don't add up.

But the biggest thing that ruins this assumption is the fact that characters born in the 90's simply wouldn't have any time to be the age they're listed as, because time began to go backwards on the year 1999.

This might be something explained in future CN chapters or events, I recall seeing people talking about how there are hints and clues about how time might've advanced up to 2006, that Vertin has been lied to in that regard, that the Foundation knows more than it lets on. And that could definitely affect my current analysis, but again, I'm a global player </3.

So assuming time DID stop in 1999 AND that the years listed are their birth years... Let's talk about Matilda and Pavia, characters stated to have been exhibited in the 1990's. Pavia is stated to have been exhibited for 25 years, while Matilda has been exhibited for 14 years - there are 11 years of difference between them, already impossible for characters who were both born in the 1990's. If Pavia was born in 1990, Matilda would've had to have been born in 2001 for their ages to line up. This isn't even taking into consideration the fact that they would've also have to live BEYOND 1999.

One could argue that they could've continued aging as expected with the reversal of time, but Matilda is the only one who could've done so by virtue of being a student within the Foundation - who are not affected by the "Storm". Pavia wouldn't have been able to, because only those special Arcanists can brave the storm if they're WITHIN Vertin's suitcase. The other option to survive a storm would be to work with the Foundation or Manus Vindictae. I can also safely say that Vertin wouldn't have been able to save Pavia on time, on account of being a child and the fact that Regulus was the first Arcanist she ever saved - something that took place in 1966.

Which begs the question: what does the year a character was first exhibited mean?

I've been told that one of the most popular theories within the CN fandom is that the year dictates the moment the character developed their Arcanum. For a magazine that focuses on Arcanists' and the truth about them, it makes sense to focus on when they first began to develop their unique Arcane skills. It does help with some age inconsistencies, but it leads me to think again about the previous examples.

Pavia first developed his skills as a child - it's the same argument as before. The timeframe is much too narrow for things to line up with his current age. And again, there's characters with more than one exhibition date.

I think it's pretty simple and that we might be reading too much into it: an exhibition is just a public display of art. The exhibition date is just the eras in which the characters were seen. The era they're from.

I don't have Regulus, but I remember her global Cover profile lists two different ages. The wikifandom states this for her profile: "Exhibited in the mid-20th century for 15 years." The era listed, mid-20th century, is equivalent to the period between 1930s and 1960s - this lines up with the main story, as Regulus braves the "Storm" from her era in 1966 (note she was already 15) to 1929.

For characters that aren't relevant to the main story (or that simply aren't affiliated with the Foundation or Manus Vindictae) the era they were exhibited in could apply to the moment they were taken from by Vertin's spinning wheel - the abilities of the item and the way characters are summoned seems to transcend time and space, leaving it all vague, magical and mysterious enough to make it work without too much scrutiny.

Next! The date the characters' were "completed" is simply their birthday. This is easy to check, since we can check all birthdays of the month when looking at the Sign-In menu and tapping on the birthday cake on the top right.

Right now, as of writing this, it's December. Rabies' birthday is on the 14th, which aligns with the information on his Cover profile.

Next, their place of birth and different places of exhibit. Pretty self-explanatory too! This is where they were born and all the relevant places the character might've traveled to throughout their life.

This post got very long, so I'll be talking about the remaining sections in a different one! If you've read this far, thank you! And if you have more insight, thoughts or would like to discuss details I might've missed, overlooked or that you feel are relevant, I'm all ears! I love talking lore and theories with others <3

#reverse 1999 #reverse: 1999 #r1999 #r1999 headcanons #reverse 1999 headcanons #the mental illness is taking over actually #i wanna work on a forget me not analysis and headcanons but. this specific thing was itching in my brain #since i keep seeing people mention exhibition eras as their birth years #i hope this doesnt come across as condescending #the game is still pretty new for us global players and i just LOVE. TALKING ABOUT THINGS

[mauesartetc]

Thoughts on Helluva Boss Episode 204 ("Western Energy")

Well that was a whole lotta nothin', wasn't it.

Let's discuss.

Pros:

-Edward Bosco does a fine job with Striker's voice, and Bryce Pinkham has a couple surprisingly powerful line deliveries when Stolas has reached his lowest point. It's nice when the story gives this character some emotional range outside of horny and mopey.

-This character design is way too cool for this show, like damn.

-Striker's living space was unique and interesting, and the magma in the environment matched his horse well.

-The fight scene with Moxxie and Millie vs Striker was well-choreographed and the camera didn't move around too much. Looks like the animators learned their lesson from last time.

-I liked how Moxxie took a chance and used Striker's homophobia (or perhaps disgust toward "lesser" imps?) against him to escape his grip.

-The devil horns on the EKG screen were kinda cute.

Cons:

-What the hell's up with this title. "Western Energy"? Is that a reference to something? Is it a pun? I get the "western" part, but "energy"? It puts me in mind of some obscure Zen concept rather than this episode. Just vague, confusing and not clever. Hell, "Take The Shot" was right there! I know there's not much shooting in Striker's plotline (we'll get to that bit of stupid momentarily), but this references both the A- and B-plot! C'mon, writers. At least act like you care.

-Again with the arbitrary censorship... I think multiple characters utter the word "cunt" in this episode, but it's bleeped each time. Guys... This is an internet show. This isn't network TV. If you're worried about getting demonetized on Youtube, don't use that word in the script to begin with. Easy.

-Not many laughs in this one, huh. In the last couple episodes I've found at least one thing to chuckle about or say, "Hm, that's kinda clever, I guess", but man, I was stone-faced for the duration here.

-Is that really how you pronounce "Andrealphus"? I've been saying it "An-dray-AL-phus", but Stolas says "An-DREE-ul-phus". People who are more familiar with demonology than I am, feel free to weigh in.

-Speaking of which, it's quite an accomplishment to make Andrealphus look even worse than he did in his illustration. Something about how tiny his head is in proportion to his body throws me, and of course it doesn't help that his face was always pinched in a teardrop shape with a tiny beak (which looks nothing like a peacock, because fuck accuracy). And if anyone's wondering if he uses any ice powers this episode... He doesn't. He uses telekinesis to drop a couple lumps of sugar into his tea, but that's it. You rip off Elsa and set the guy up in an ice castle but couldn't even give him ice powers? What a load.

-Kinda floored at this line from Stolas: "Cheating implies a betrayal. This woman never gave two shits about me, or our very much arranged marriage."

For fuck's sake, writers.

"You guuuuyyyys, it technically wasn't even cheating, see? Stolas is totally innocent and pure and you should like him!!!" The camera even trucks out dramatically as if he's saying something heroic. Christ...

Even in an utterly loveless marriage, there's still the expectation that each party will be faithful to the other, and having sex with someone else is a betrayal unless both of them previously agreed to open up their relationship. No indication that ever happened here, so...

All this scene demonstrates is that Stolas hasn't learned a thing about being a fucking adult and owning up to his mistakes. This just doubles down on the whole "I'd feel bad if I hurt you" thing (when you obviously did hurt her, you twit). Does Viv Medrano seriously believe admitting fault and apologizing makes a person weak or unlikable? Because I have news for ya: It's very much the opposite.

-Also, Stolas ends that mini-speech with, "As far as I'm concerned, this divorce is far overdue." But... Stella and Andrealphus have already agreed to that. That wasn't even a question. They're just trying to settle what Stella will get in the divorce. Do these people even read their scripts out loud?

-Striker's return comes way too late in the series. There are too many episodes forming a cushion between his introduction and Western Energy for him to feel intimidating. It's possible IMP could've discussed a plan of action regarding Striker, but no one mentions him once. If the characters don't see him as a threat, why should the audience?

The tension would have remained high if, immediately after the harvest moon episode, IMP moved Stolas and his family to a safe house while Striker was still on the loose. Little does Stolas know, however, he's a sitting duck, since Stella has called Striker and informed him of their location. Feels like that'd be much more exciting than just ignoring his existence for five episodes.

-When Stolas calls Blitzo, he refers to Striker as "that little cowboy friend of yours", implying he remembers him from the Harvest Moon Games. But, um... Question. Did Blitzo ever tell Stolas Striker almost killed him?! We have no idea! It's never confirmed!

At the end of the harvest moon episode, I seriously thought the team just forgot to write Blitzo warning Stolas about his would-be assassin. I know the story's trying to get across how little Blitzo actually cares about him, but this is a pretty huge conversation to overlook. Like damn, just how thoughtless can one person be. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

-(Also, who the hell says they were "stolen", Stolas. You're not an object; you're a person. You were kidnapped. I know this is bordering on grammar pedantry but it's distracting how much this weird phrasing sticks out.)

-Once again, the symbolic sin colors are inconsistent. I mentioned in the last review that the Greed ring in Helluva Boss is green despite the fact that the traditional color for greed as a sin is yellow. In this episode, we glimpse the Sloth ring, as this official tweet informs us:

One problem: Sloth is pink instead of the traditional light blue.

I wouldn't mind this if the ring colors broke from tradition across the board, but they don't. The Wrath ring is red and Lust is deep blue, as is customary. So it seems the art direction is throwing darts at a board to see which rings get the "lol, random" color treatment and which ones don't. These odd choices would be much more understandable if there were a story reason for certain rings looking the way they do, but at this point, I think we know better than to hope for that.

-In both this episode and The Harvest Moon Festival, Striker is characterized as self-aggrandizing. His previous appearance saw him declare himself superior to other imps, while this one shows off his giant statue with an enormous boner. Why, then, is he annoyed at the little imps singing his theme song? Wouldn't that be an ego boost? It would've made more sense for him to play along with it, or even better:

STOLAS: How does one get their own theme song?

STRIKER: (smiles, rubs his thumb and fingertips together) You pay for it.

-All the scenes with Blitzo and Loona in the doctor's office could've been cut and the story wouldn't have lost a thing. You can show them arriving and show them leaving with Loona wearing the cone, but everything else in the B-plot is filler. These episodes aren't beholden to a TV schedule that demands the duration falls within a certain range. There's no reason this episode needed to be nineteen minutes long.

-Getting pissy at some rando wearing the same hat as you is just about the dumbest reason to start a fight I've ever heard. Let's change around the dialogue a bit:

BIKER: Lookee here, fellas! The city slicker got himself a cowboy hat! That is sooo cute. Well, if you wanna dress the part... (cracks knuckles) might as well play it. It's not perfect but holy shit, I came up with that in two minutes. What the fuck, Viv. This is why you have co-writers. They aren't there to kiss your ass and mindlessly accept everything you do; they're there to catch little things like this and make them better.

-There's no "thump" when the top of the exploded gas station hits the ground, and judging by its size and implied weight, there should definitely be a sonorous thump.

-Striker mentions that Stella paid him to give Stolas "the royal treatment" (aka a slow death), but if that's the case, why did he try to shoot him at the Harvest Moon festival? Why did he shoot at him in the cafe?? If one of those bullets hit, wouldn't that affect his payday? Also, can't help but notice how terribly convenient this is. We wouldn't want our expert assassin to be too efficient, or precious Stolas would be dead. God damn this is contrived.

-Here's a line with a ton of story potential that goes unexplored (and will probably remain as such for the rest of the season, let's be honest): Stolas points out that Striker "is working for a royal right now", exposing some hypocrisy in his hatred for them. This brings up an interesting question: Why is he in cahoots with this one specific royal despite detesting all others? Why is she the exception? Could it be his loyalty to her transcends a simple business relationship? If he has angelic weapons and wanted to kill just any royal, he could have done it. But maybe this is more personal. Maybe Stolas needs to die because he hurt Stella.

Perhaps on the other side, Stella shares Striker's belief that he's superior to ordinary imps- another exception. Giving any other imp the time of day would disgust her, but Striker's just different somehow. And being as athletic and rugged as he is, he's a far cry from Stolas, who she's never found attractive.

I know it's a pipe dream for this series to develop any romantic pairing besides Stolitz, but how interesting would it be if Striker and Stella were having an affair of their own, and genuinely loved each other? How would they reconcile their personal feelings with long-held prejudices? What kinds of effects would hiding this shameful secret have on them? Would they make strides to be more open-minded? Would they see how their relationship mirrors Stolas and Blitzo's and reach an understanding with them? Will Striker's anti-royal principles override his love for Stella? Will he, in possession of angelic weapons, fulfill his quest to kill all royals, including her? There are so many possibilities here.

But of course, wringing any kind of compelling narrative out of this show's villains would require the writers to treat them as complex people rather than caricatures, so... yeah.

-If Stolas' legs are untied, what the fuck is stopping him from getting up and sneaking out of the cave after Striker leaves him unattended? He even has enough range of motion to kick him in the face. Obviously his leg wound would cause mobility issues and he'd have to stop the bleeding so Striker wouldn't track him easily (perhaps rolling into a magma stream to cauterize the wound? If demons are immune to fire, as Episode 1 established, I don't think magma would hurt much), but goddamn, try something. If you're going to die either way, you don't have much to lose, do you?

OR, why doesn't he just roll off the back of the horse when they're still in the city? Just check behind you to make sure no cars are coming and bail, dude. Striker might not even realize you're gone until he's entered the desert.

This is the exact same problem Stolas had in Seeing Stars, where he was so helpless against the plot's demands he couldn't even climb out of a van window, or morph into his full demon form like he did in Truth Seekers, or just leave the studio to find his fucking daughter. Y'know how I keep saying these characters have no agency? These characters have no damn agency.

-Kinda weirded out by how flirty Andrealphus is with his sister. "You're so lucky you're attractive"? "My fiery vixen"? Just... why. I get that incest used to be a thing in real-life monarchies, but assuming Andrealphus has other romantic options readily available to him (see also: ambiguous bird class), this fixation on Stella doesn't make much sense. If Viv wanted to make him subtly creepy, well... there are other ways to do that.

And let's be real, we can safely surmise Viv hates research with a passion, so I'm betting she didn't get this idea from history, but from Game of Thrones. I get a strong feeling she sees real-world facts as boring homework and the fictional world as exciting and full of wonder. If a person just cherry-picks different elements from fictional media they like and stitches them together like Dr. Frankenstein grafts body parts, that'll result in something great too, right? ...No.

-You're seriously telling me Stella didn't know how royal lineages work after being betrothed to a prince since childhood?

I mean wow, the show has portrayed Stella as inconsiderate and comically sadistic, and now she's stupid as well? These writers are hell-bent on giving her zero positive traits, aren't they.

-"A Goetia's never behaved like this before." Are you shitting me, Andrealphus? Hell's existed for (presumably) thousands of years and not a single noble has fucked an imp before? I could maybe buy that none of them have been as stupidly blatant as Stolas has, so perhaps these affairs have gone unseen and unremembered. But assuming they never happened? Come on now.

-Where'd Striker's horse go?? Feels like he could've been helpful in the fight against Moxxie and Millie, but after the theme song, he's completely missing. We don't even see him in a stable or anything. I know he's animation-intensive but y'all could at least give us a narrative reason he's not on screen.

An easy fix to this would be to show Bombproof (yes, that's his name, and it's awesome, and I hate that the characters never say it) out of breath at the end of the long journey, and Striker telling him he's earned a good rest. He could then hop into a magma pool and disappear under the waves for the remainder of the episode. There ya go. Simple.

-If Millie's ordinary axe can chop Striker's angelic pistols in half, why are angelic weapons such a threat to demons? During the yearly extermination in this universe, what's stopping them from forming an army and shooting the angels' weapons full of holes? Crazy how a single scene can unravel Hazbin Hotel's entire conflict.

-Did y'all want any kind of satisfying closure between Blitzo and Stolas regarding what went down in the Ozzie's episode? Well keep dreamin', because we've got this horrendously half-assed, tacked-on bullshit that you'll easily miss if you blink.

Fuck you, show.

And in another text following this, here's what Stolas says:

"If you don't feel like coming, that's OK! I'm sure I can do without [the grimoire] for one month."

Why do you need the fucking book at all, Stolas.

He's used it to make the harvest moon visible at the festival, but it's never clear what purpose that serves. We've never seen him use it for anything in his daily life; just that thing that happens once a year. Come to think of it, we've never seen Stolas in his day-to-day job. As a Goetia demon, he has legions to command (Andrealphus even mentions them), but the story never shows us the political, leadership-driven side of his life. He just sits around doing sweet fuck-all. Striker's argument against monarchs is that they "talk over [the lower classes]", but there's a strong case to be made for them simply contributing nothing of substance to society.

All in all, this episode made me feel nothing. There was no meaningful progression in the story. Sure, Stolas is injured, but he has the exact same problems of being married to someone he wants to divorce and Blitzo being emotionally distant. Stella has the same problem of Stolas being alive, even though she herself called off his execution. Striker's still at large. Moxxie and Millie still have a squeaky-clean relationship, Blitzo's still an ass, and Loona will likely return to her regular self in the next episode. Functionally speaking, everyone ends the episode in the same place they began, making me wonder what the point of it is in the larger narrative. Getting a hunch that Viv just needed an excuse to hospitalize Stolas so the audience would pity him.

I'm calling it now: Stolas is out of the hospital in the next one. He might still have some bandages and whatnot, but his injuries won't present any real obstacles to him until they're convenient to the plot. I'm betting there won't even be scars where Striker stabbed him, because at this point, continuity is WAY too much to ask of this show.

If this were a better-written series, Stolas would actually use his damn wealth and political power to put a bounty on Striker's head that'd have everyone in Hell gunning for him. Or why not use those legions he has at his disposal? Furthermore, now that he knows Stella hired Striker, what's stopping him from having her executed, or banished, or imprisoned, or something? But then if the characters used their brains, Viv wouldn't get the plot she wants, and we can't have that.

The previous episode had me curious to find out what would happen next. This one just added nothing to my life. I don't know how much longer I can keep watching this show. I'm not a fan of hate-watching media as life is short and there are numerous shows and films out there that'll make much more enjoyable use of my time. "If it sucks, hit da bricks" and all that. Yet Helluva Boss still has a pull in being an incredible teaching tool for how NOT to write a series. Writing these reviews has been thoroughly educational for me, and it seems they've helped others as well. But fuck, man. At what cost. When will I finally throw up my hands and say "Enough"?

If I hear the next one's not terrible, I might give it a watch. But that's a pretty big if. I'm very tired.

#helluva boss #helluva critical #critique #criticism #long post #writing #review

[swearyshera]

Unused ideas

My notes app had so many different ideas that didn't make it onto the blog, so I thought I'd put them here and talk about why they didn't get included. A little 'bonus content', if you will.

They're in no particular order, just how they were when I opened it.

Catra sorry but afraid to commit. Adora also afraid This was a bit too general to make it into a particular scene, but I did like the idea that they're both afraid to take that big step and ask for/accept love. I think it got touched on, but I couldn't really find a good opportunity to outright say that.

Adora has nothing real. Catra in heart: I finally know what's real, it's me and you. One of numerous rejected ideas for the Heart scene. The notion of Adora not having anything real (Angella not really being her mom, Light Hope not really being a proper guide, She-Ra not even really being the hero she expected) was a cool idea, but I covered it back at the beginning of season 5 and it just wasn't a strong enough motivation to carry through to the finale.

Mara: You're afraid of being hurt. Adora: Course I'm fucking afraid, I got hurt before This was from the 'you're worth more than what you can give to other people' scene. I loved these lines, but by the time I got to that scene, it was clear the story was about so much more than just admitting her feelings to Catra, it was about the idea of allowing herself a happy life in general.

Dryl is like IKEA If I hadn't thought this up after the episode that took place in Dryl, I would have absolutely done this. We just never went back.

Finale is Catra proposing for real - I can't live without you/A world without you is no world/Love yourself because I do/What's the point in creating a world where you can be yourself if you aren't there too? Various rejected lines and ideas for that 'don't you get it' scene. They just weren't as good as what you ended up seeing.

This is the point of you - to love and to be loved. That's all any of us ever asked This one was also for that scene, and played on Adora's repeated asking of "What's the point of me". It's a great line in isolation, but it didn't fit with the others around it

Wanna fuck?/I've gotta save the universe first We ended up with a toned-down version of this, because there's undercutting the tension and there's undercutting the tension. Yup, there are even times where I reject the cruder lines!

Entrapta has a birth mark. Hordak knows. Another one on the slightly cruder side, but I couldn't really find a place that this worked. Maybe next time...

(On Prime's ship) Glimmer accuses Catra of being like SW and that's why Catra decides to help. "You're not perfect yourself, Princess"/"Wow, you can tell Shadow Weaver raised you" In hindsight, this just looks like it's unnecessarily harsh. I get what I was aiming for, a point of reflection for Catra that she may be going down the wrong path, but now I look back, I'm glad I didn't include this.

Corridors - Glimmer: It would be nice if you apologised for being a bitch to me/Catra: That would imply I'm sorry about it This one would have fit a lot better than the above idea, but the two of them bickering whilst fighting was funnier.

And that's the unused stuff! Would you have liked to see it in the blog? Happy that it didn't happen? Let me know!

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 7, episode 7: wolfwood

this is another episode i've watched multiple times, but mostly just the first half for Livio Reasons. once again... LET'S GOOOOO

i've seen ppl say this is razlo at the start of the episode... i wonder... he is more razlo-like in his movements, and he starts yelling a lot... but his expressions are still livio-like, i think... i mean he is more expressive BUT he's not grinning like razlo usually does? sigh... see the problem is that we ALSO have a level of EoM brainwashing (and whatever the fuck else is going on) on top of everything which throws a wrench in trying to figure things out. I Just Wanna See My Boy.

i love vash holding his gun backwards and using it as a bludgeon and i love going frame by frame to get cool screencaps like this 💖

wolfwood vial count: 4

at the very least, by the time of this next scene, it's definitely livio and not razlo because he's mumbling about "catching up" again which is a livio thing

when i saw the corresponding manga panel for this my brain neurons activated so hard LOL i wonder even more how orange will adapt razlo... since originally livio was trying to catch up with razlo. which i love and think is super interesting. so what is orange planning? ...is livio even aware razlo exists at this point...?

oh also livio looks a bit older here. which once again has me wondering about the timeline. the way the experiments were presented with rollo and nicholas, it looked like they were just on that table forever. as in there were no breaks in between. so... when is this? how long is it between livio volunteering himself for EoM and the experiments on him taking place?

i think it's cute that nico bumps into him :(

let's take ibuprofen together

i wonder who these people are... i thought they might be the EoM soldiers that razlo killed, but those aren't EoM uniforms... it looks like the prison uniform wolfwood was wearing... wolfwood tried to run away, so it makes sense that he wouldn't be the only one, although the phrasing "stand in our way" more implies they tried to stop the operation altogether. but... hmm... they just had regular goons as guards at the time of wolfwood's escape attempt. livio is special... would they really give him a job like guard duty?

CHAPEL JUMPSCARE

razlo sweetiepie there you are!!! mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah

HE'S SUCH A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN HE'S SO FUNNY

since zazie is the one talking, our attention is drawn to them, so i'm glad i paused on this because the fact that legato is also looking up at wolfwood and smirking is so funny to me. EYES ON THE ROAD BESTIE!!!!

this line is always so funny to me. shonen protagonist ass

i love the scene of vash at the spaceship controls, the animation when he's working the keyboard is so smooth. hmmm, it also reminds me of wolfwood's introduction episode in 98... serves the same narrative purpose of Vash Knowing Things He Shouldn't about spaceships

i love that wolfwood thinks shooting the base of the cannon will do anything. like that's the first thing he tries. shoot first ask questions later i guess

going frame by frame on scenes of legato because i'm unwell... his eyebrows are surprisingly thick! and his eye color is grey... it was gold in 98... oh, i just noticed his eyelashes are light blue!! cute!!

i just think this is a handsome angle for him. his facial features are so pretty and delicate

this is why he buckled his seatbelt :)

... i need to stop posting legato pictures

no because what the hell is this

wolfwood vial count: 5

episode 5 had me asking about the wind... legato asks zazie if they were the one who caused the sandstorm (which they deny)... could it be... is it possible...?

my dumb ass watching this for the first time: damn it's so sad that livio is dead and now they're even gonna use his corpse for nefarious purposes :(

vash's plant markings are so pretty fr <3 orange was big brained for this too

everyone always points out the episode title card being a gut punch but THIS was an unexpected one:

this is how wolfwood is credited this episode and because i'm insane i immediately had to go back and check - this is also how he's credited in episodes 5 and 6: as "nicholas d. wolfwood/nicholas the punisher". in episode 4, he's only listed as "nicholas d. wolfwood". haha ouch!

this post ended up being a little less substantial than expected LOL but we'll soon be getting into the episodes that really give me psychic damage so :^) looking forward to it!!

#tristampparty #trigun talk #june speaks

[some-pers0n]

rant about webs

I don't think you fully understand what you've unleashed here. You have just given me leeway, an excuse, to rant about my absolute least favourite character ever made.

Before I begin, I want to preface that, despite using strong language every now and then, I don't hate characters. I don't hate a lot of things. I dislike or don't agree with things, especially minor stuff like Glory's character arc not being as great as it could be or not care for arc 3, but I don't hate it.

I hate Webs. There has never been another character out there in any piece of media I detest more than this worthless sack of scales. He is abominable. He is nothing. He is useless. I hate him. I am revolted and disgusted by his mere existence.

I don't hate people who like him. If you like him, cool!! I like seeing other opinions! I may disagree with you entirely, but I don't want to come across that I literally hate people who don't share my opinion. I don't hate them at all. They're cool!! I'm just an overly emotional person on the internet who wants to wring the neck of a fictional dragon as if it were a wet towel.

Oh yeah, I also get a wee bit...intense and very aggressive. Be warned.

With that being said, I'll begin.

Webs is a nothing character. I don't think I have ever seen such a frustratingly empty and lifeless character. He is a shell. A husk. Any words he says holds no weight or meaning. He is speaking, but not talking. He has zero personality. He has no life. Looking at him and seeing him and his words gives off nothing. He is more hollow than an NPC in a early SNES game that only repeats the same line of dialogue.

Webs and his lack of a compelling personality is a large part of why I despise him. The greatest sin a character can be is boring. I can handle annoying characters, because at least then they have something to latch onto. A character that is completely dull is beyond infuriating. I want to bite a hole in his neck. He's soulless. He does not exist as a person. He is words on a page. It sounds redundant since every single character is technically just that, but their personality is what makes them real. Webs is not real. Webs is not even two-dimensional. I hesitate to say he's even one-dimensional since that would imply there's a dimension to his character.

I adore characters. Characters and dialogue are my favourite things to write about. I like my larger than life characters and personalities, obviously. I love being entertained by fun and compelling characters. While I'm personally fond of villains, I enjoy just about any character with...something to latch onto. Something to make me care about them for one reason or another. Whether it be their backstory, personality, relationships with the other characters, etc.

Webs is an void of creativity and depth. He is a cosmic horror with how maddeningly and stupidly terrible he is. It genuinely makes my blood boil and head spin to think about him. I'm on the verge of an actual headache writing this. I despise this terrible thing.

Webs is not a character. Webs is an anomaly. It is borderline impossible to somehow create a character that is virtually impossible to find anything to care about, but Tui managed to do it. I'd compare him to smooth, wet surface with no grip or anything to latch onto, but that would imply that he would be interesting in any regard. A surface that doesn't have anything to hold onto is fascinating. Webs is not that. Webs and his lack of anything is beyond that. He is worse than boring. I hate him.

That's not even mentioning the stuff he's done. Oh GOD the stuff he's done.

Webs often gets labeled as the ""best"" guardian because he doesn't explicitly physically and verbally abuse children. How sweet!! I'm going to bash his head into a wall and watch the entrails spill out and onto my hands. He STILL neglected the DoD and sat there like a spineless coward while they were being abused.

Hey, wanna hear something that'll blow your mind into a thousand pieces and leave you a bloody screaming mess on the floor, wailing in agony and begging God to save you from this hell? Neglect is still abuse!! Yippeee!!!! Wahoo!! :)

Webs sat there like a useless coward while children were abused. So likable!! Yeah, realistic for his character (which is so shallow that it's just flat earth), but it doesn't make me care about him. It makes me hate him. I hate Webs. I hate him so much.

Webs was scared of Kestrel and Dune, but that doesn't excuse him from sitting idly by like the goddamn waste of space that he is and doing absolutely nothing. He then is seem as the "good guy" by the DoD because ohhh boo hoo he's so sad and pathetic. :((( Yeah he's pathetic. I want to see him dropped off a cliff and fall to his demise.

B–b–but what about Riptide? Riptide? Who gives a shit about him and Riptide?? The books don't!! The books had the FULL power to turn this into an actually interesting plot point and did NOTHING! NOTHING!!! Riptide is a stale and empty piece of cardboard (like father like son), but husband only saving grace is that he has a SHRED more personality and charm than his limp-dick bastard father.

But, okay. Okay, okay, okay. I suppose I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's see what Webs did.

Oh!! Webs basically abandoned his wife and infant child and left them for dead? He allowed his wife to be executed by Coral and for his son to be known and have to carry the weight of being the son of the kingdom's betrayer? HOW WONDERFUL! HOW NICE! HOW GOOD! God I want to see the life drain from the eyes of this overized Petsmart disease-ridden gecko.

The worst part is KNOWING he could've been better. This whole plot point? It could've been so interesting. So nuanced. But, NO!! No, no, NO! That would require Tui putting some actual goddamn effort and work into this character, which he doesn't deserve in the slightest. What does he deserve? Being put six feet underground.

Webs is a parasite on my mind. I have never wanted to have anybody suffer like him. I hope there is a dragon hell so that he gets to live through the torment he forced his wife, Riptide, and all of the Dragonets of Destiny through for eternity. I hope he feels his wife's throat being torn open by Coral and the agony from it. I hope he feels every lash and every cut and every insult that Kestrel and Dune dealt out to the DoD. I hope he doesn't get a moment of peace.

He should have died at the very least. He is the least interesting guardian out of all of them. For GOD'S sake Asha and Hvitur are infinitely more interesting characters than him. ASHA DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING SHOW UP. SHE'S DEAD BEFORE THE STORY STARTS.

Kestrel has connections and links to such important characters. I don't like her and disagree that she should've lived past TDP, but I respect her character. Her impact on the DoD, Peril, Sky, etc is undeniable.

Dune has connections to Six-Claws and Thorn. We know he was a trusted member of the Outclaws and was once highly respected.

Hvitur, despite being an IceWing and not a part of the prophecy, is accepted to be a guardian. He believed with all of his might and soul that the prophecy would work. He had faith.

Asha, despite being a MudWing, desired a family. It's mentioned by Cattail and leaves open the idea that Asha was uncharacteristically caring and sweet for an adult MudWing. I always believed she was like Hvitur in a sense, joining the cause because she wanted to raise children and help end the war.

Webs has nothing. He is nothing. He is worthless. He is useless. He is a coward. I want him gone. Killing him in fanfiction or even in canon isn't enough now. I need him erased from existence. I don't want to spare another fraction of a millisecond to think about him. He doesn't deserve it.

I hate Webs.

#wof #wings of fire #I hope my writer skills bleed through a bit and I manage to fully display my rage and malice to this character #I do genuinely hate him but it's all light-hearted and fun and games though :) #sp-rambles

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Mahiru T1 Cover - Psychogram

Here's your pal back again with another cover analysis! Am I getting annoying yet? Mahiru time let's go! Psychogram's a cool song, really unique sounding! And, because Mahiru actually has a lover to sing this to, it makes it easier to connect the song to her!

... We just, you know, have to make sure we don't accidentally make her sound like an irredeemabe insane person. I swear it's not as bad as it looks, believe me, please-

CW Murder and mentioned suicide, abusive and toxic relationships.

So... Psychogram is about a girl who fits the 'yandere' trope, I don't think there's a better way to put it.

I love you so much You're too wonderful, I don't want to let anyone else have you Hey, if not me, who would you choose? Come on, don't be scared It's just a fable, a what-if If you won't answer, then I don't need you

I've had enough of apologies Just keep smiling like that forever Don't make me worry; this hard goodbye Will never happen again I love you so much I dreamed of being together, just the two of us Don't run away anymore, I'll protect you I'll toy with all the things that get in our way, One after another It's all for you, I don't need anyone else

(Translation)

"Toying with the things that get in our way" may sound weird, possibly due to translation issues, but essentially it means she will easily deal with anything standing in the way of 'their' love, as if they're just playthings.

The word 'psychogram' doesn't really have a consistent definition, but the most applicable is that it's something which describes the mental functioning of an individual. It's used two times in the song.

It was always going to end this way Is your color changing because I touched you? From your open mouth, a face appears A sweet, sweet psychogram

The first verse has the singer claiming she can see her love interest's 'psychogram' just from their words ("open mouth"), in other words, believing she always understood her partner's emotions perfectly or something along those lines. That's why "it was always going to end this way", because "their color changed when the protagonist touched them", which I believe would imply blushing. Basically, she thinks her interest has always been in love with her.

It's so heavy, it gives me a shock Come on, tie me up tightly You'd better eat every last bite Of the sweet, sweet psychogram

The other case has the singer offering her partner her own psychogram to 'eat', meaning she wants them to accept her as she is. And I'm choosing to strategically ignore the "tie me up tightly" line.

And just in case you're worried I'm reading the lyrics uncharitably, the song ends with the singer killing the other.

I love you so much You're too wonderful, I don't want to let anyone else have you Hey, if not me, who would you choose? Come on, don't be scared It's just a fable, a what-if You won't answer, huh? You're disgusting Come on, don't be scared I'll never let you go

So, uh. Yeah, that's the basic premise of the song. Which is, uh... not a great look for Mahiru, gotta say. I see why the "yandere" interpretation of Ai Nan Desu Yo was so popular in Trial 1.

In any case, what's important to take away from Psychogram in relation to Mahiru aren't the actions the protagonist takes, but rather the feelings they have for their love interest. Going line by line, we first have the idea it was always meant to be and wanting to fully understand their lover, their 'psychogram':

It was always going to end this way [1] Is your color changing because I touched you? From your open mouth, a face appears A sweet, sweet psychogram [2]

[1] [Love is (Un)Dead] (T2 VD) Mahiru: I thought it was fate. He said it was, too.

[2] [Ai Nan Desu Yo] This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can't come true It's all because of love

The relationship is tumultuous and the love is too much.

"What is that face you've never shown to me?" Hey, let's make it sting "When will you give in and be my friend?" Hey, let's make it sting [1] There's nothing here but foul words They swallowed me up I get it, I get it I agree, there was enough love in the first place [2]

[1] [Ai Nan Desu Yo] We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad

[2] [I Love You] My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight

Overwhelming love which is scary or inconvenient for the partner (please ignore the murderous undertones in Psychogram)

I love you so much You're too wonderful, I don't want to let anyone else have you Hey, if not me, who would you choose? Come on, don't be scared It's just a fable, a what-if If you won't answer, then I don't need you

[I Love You] This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you” My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!

Wanting to be accepted fully as they are.

It's so heavy, it gives me a shock Come on, tie me up tightly You'd better eat every last bite Of the sweet, sweet psychogram

[I Love You] It’s ok for everyone else but not for me Unfair and stuck between in love and love Kiss good-bye to this feeling cuz it’s too heavy? I can’t, no way no way no way

Uh... calling?

"Answer me right away--where are you now?" Hey, let's make it sting

[Ai Nan Desu Yo] Ring ring, I'm calling you in the middle of the night Forcing you to wake up, and I say "Good Morning!"

Not wanting to separate ever, even when they apparently drift away sometimes.

I've had enough of apologies Just keep smiling like that forever Don't make me worry; this hard goodbye Will never happen again I love you so much I dreamed of being together, just the two of us Don't run away anymore, I'll protect you I'll toy with all the things that get in our way, One after another It's all for you, I don't need anyone else [...] Come on, don't be scared I'll never let you go

[Ai Nan Desu Yo] If you don't hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart. [...] Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual, Is because I love you

You see? Again, I don't feel like I have to elaborate on the connections beyond putting similar lyrics next to each other, since the connection is pretty straightforward if you ignore the murderous tendencies. One other connection is the love interest winds up dead as a result of the protagonist's love, which again directly connects to Mahiru and I don't think I need to really explain.

The final thing to note is that last line, "I'll never let you go", which in the video plays when the partner is already dead. This could play into the shinju (double suicide motivated by love) theory of Mahiru's "murder", which is too long to get into here, but if you want to read more about it, you can do so in this amazing post by dearmahiru. I personally find it quite likely, it's very interesting!

Yeah I don't know what else to say for this one. Take care!

#milgram #mahiru shiina #psychogram cover #disclaimer i know jack all about mahiru so i might miss some details #ive watched ai nan like once

[borzoilover69]

> BORZOI: READ HOMESTUCK LIKE ITS 2011 (PART 3)

We are so fucking back. (4178)

Idiot captchalogued things one by one point and LAUGH. One soup can. One bullet. Bro would be horrible at unpacking.

Never getting over the fact how damn much Jake mentions Dirk in only the FIRST FEW PAGES that we meet him properly like damn dude you got something going with him or what..

And he seems so insistent on finding answers, even if its just backing up his own conclusions, rather than Janes stubborn pushing of the point. This is semi-tragic. Knowing that in their time, they were never considered heroes, but lords.

4184 YOU. *grips and shakes you* STOP IMPLYING FLIRTING YOU DARN QUEERS. Jake just CAAASUALLY mentioning how much he compliments strider, Dirks ar (but in this case a pretty accurate representation of Dirk) just CAASUALLY MENTIONING THAT THEY'VE DONE THIS TANGO BEFORE LIKE HELLOO?? FLUSTERED AMBIVALENCE? HAH??

Iconic line.

I need to think on this for a while. Speaking wise that's true, I'm sure it's fooled his friends before when Dirk just didnt want to talk. I'm rather fond of how Dirk and Jake call each other out on being annoying and hard to work with. Because they are, but that's what makes their relationship all the funnier and real to me LOL. They're ribbing at each other in a way that motivates each other to one up because they. They get it i guess. Thinking now, I don't like relationships where it's just adoration and softness... Nah i want them to beat the crap out of each other. I like ot think they used to bitch at each other for HOURS as kids, but all in good favour.

This idiot is changing from the casual to the formal desktop point and LAUGH. But also it brings up another strange contradiction where Jake "catches on" without being actually.. told to catch on.

From page 4183: You put on a few of your more ostentatious devices. Luckily (or unfortunately) you grew up alone, so there was never anyone around to point out how ridiculous you look.

And then from page 4186

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. 

Maybe I'm reading too into it. I probably am. But it always astound me the awareness Jake has to some degree. I deadass want to get in his head and mess with his brain a little to see what's up. Its like he'll always go "Oh cool, neato, its this thing!" and then go "This thing is fucking stupid" later. From what im gathering >HUSKTOP: Clunky, too hands on. Good for casual use and movies (I'm assuming)

>COMPUTER OUTFIT? Comfortable, but it looks stupid. And an idiot.

>SKULLTOP: A real businessmans computer. Probably one of the most used ones of the bunch and the ire of Jakes shitty vision.

Also I just got done reading this conversation AGAIN, and I remeber in my previous reading, someone commented that they always took it as Jake defending the autoresponder, but if anything other than Dirk hes probably the most frustrated with it at times outright putting it down and demeaning its presumedly simulated built on feelings, which Hal will proceed to call him out on MULTIPLE times. Which backs up my conclusion that he knew Dirk really just didn't like the thing. My boyfriend saw me reading this out and said something along the line of "Jake has libra coding they can't bring up their point w/o including a third party in the matter" or something. It was a few days ago. I don't know zodiacs so take that as you will.

Along with this, I guess I see where Jakes frustration is coming from, this guy is running on canned food, frustration at being taunted and poked at by Dirks ruddy autoresponder, and he has no times for japery and lighthearted fun from Jane gadzooks hes on a mission!!

4189

There it is again!! That- *waves hands* THAT KIND OF KNOWLEDGE!! YOU SCALLIWAG!! HOWD YOU DRAW THAT CONCLUSION?? HOOOW DID YOU DO IT WITH SUCH LITTLE EXPLAINATION OR BACKING HOW DID YOU FUCKING KNOW?? LIKE JANE WAS FUCKING VAGUE AS SHIIIT ABOUT IT AND YOU JUMPED TO.. THAT CONCLUSION?? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL??

4190

You telling me they slept in the same house together dawg i thought Brobot powered off somewhere remote. Arguably a stupid conclusion but I FORGOT its been a while OKAY.

Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Heh.

I mean it's reasonable. Given growing up in a hellmurder island, defeat can equal great bodily harm or even death, being cautious about getting too far outside of your comfort zone and quote being a hero endquote will kill you.

A lot of people fail to realise how Jake was affected by living in such circumstances because it just comes down to gungho boy wonder who loves adventure!! And is. A coward. When flight is the thing separating you from living to dying etc, it can affect a lot of life choices like that. For example, hes perfectly up for the idea of plundering tombs, because its territory hes familiar and accustomed to. But he doesnt deal with being tossed a curveball or into new circumstances well.

And yet again Hal brings up a good point. If you bank on victory or defeat and not about the journey it gets to take there which leaves you stranded at the starting line overcompensating for the lack you never worked hard to make, you won't get anywhere, which is why Page class suits him well. Dirk and Jake have this thing in common where they are often too future thinking to the point of being narrow minded, they think they're being realistic when realistically.. these personal pursuits are needed to be fought with undying human spirit so as to conquer and further their self journeys.

Like yes, there's always the prospect of failure. Dirk feels resigned, doomed to the fact he will turn out terrible and therefore he should fuck off. Jake feels daunted by the task of actually living up to the expectations he feels are built upon him by his friends and himself, and chooses to isolate himself rather than build on the hope that maybe he can be known and loved regardless, and acknowledge the hurt he may undoubtedly cause. But with every prospect of failure comes a prospect of success and sure being resigned to failure doesn't hurt but even so you should still strive and claw your way to a happy ending otherwise whats it worth more than pointless self suffering and guilt? Because if you look at it everything is doomed everything is going to fail or fall out of touch eventually but if you turn it on its head, you see that means that unequivocally for a brief moment in time everything will be okay, that bad things will turn out for the better (somehow) in the end. It's the chicken and the egg question, which came first? It's a neverending circle. I got carried away there. Whoops. Anyways.

"Thing". He doesn't acknowledge him as a person it's a "thing".

So you, Jake english (totally straight guy) decree the brobot as bane of your existence (its your company in this hellscape) and is pointed out that you can CHANGE that, that is something YOU can control, that has been brought up to you MULTIPLE times by your BEST FRIEND by his AUTORESPONDER and yet you REFUSE to change it because when given it too easy it feels almost. Almost..tender you say? You proceed to get flustered and.. change the subject? Boy. Boy speak to me boy. You are COMPLICIT in your own downfall because you hate it being too easy, you FEAR it being too easy. For what?

Look at him go.

4195

Hopefully your dad is still out back washing the car. Ideally this is one of his legendary infinite car washes. What can you say? Dad fancies his automotive ablutions.

4191

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

4195

While he is preoccupied, you should be able to sneak downstairs and grab the mail undetected. The perfect crime? You bet.

You slip the HALLWAY CERA a furtive wink for good luck.

Jane you are the silliest girl to ever grace this earth never ever drop your dramatics and joyous whimsy. Your relationship with your father is endearing and sweet. Given this it's a safe bet to say Johns would've mimicked this, its just nice to see a pretty sweet goddamn family.

4199 Imagine walking downstairs and seeing this of course their families cant be reasonably normal about anything.

And another sort of outward representation of struggle with the kids environment. With how harsh and how thoroughly restricted Jane is in her household, despite being so far up she might as well just serve as a figurehead to the cooking empire than of anything remote. All backdoors, front doors, windows are closed, which also draws to her general ignorance to actual things. You could even say shes.. whats the word? Oh yes. trapped. In her views. Yes. *The crowd starts seething at me as I click my little device to change slides.*

4202 READY FOR WHAT??

YES, I am going out with this book! No, I will not go get an unabridged copy! No, I will not take yours! I can hardly even lift it! Oh, that is so preposterous. Do you even hear what you're saying? I will be fine! This is a perfectly funny book and it contains many incredibly funny jokes! Oh, will you just stop it. I am going now. Good day!!!

4207

Do you think this was the mystery of johns childhood that he could never solve. Do you. Cus i do. He didn't have a nanna he was raised by the condesce.

The message has always been a fascinating mystery to you, and probably was to him as well. From the way it's written, it seems it was intended for him to receive after her death. She talks about a journey he is supposedly meant to go on. 

In any case, this message to poppop from his sweet old nanna is the best evidence you have to dispute all this evil batterwitch nonsense. She clearly cared for her grandson very much, and would never start a company responsible for the things it's accused of, let alone be alive today to perpetrate them. But then, what if she wasn't the one who wrote it? This thought makes you very nervous.

Big ole fucking SIGH. And he was never able to get that faaar at all. With that in mind I'd be interested to see anyone analyse the post scratch versions of the betas. Would John Crockers deal deem him a failure to his classpect? What about the others? I don't know, food for thought.

4215

Damn. Ok well I just reached the end of an image allowance so i guess. I wrap up here?

GG: I care very much for you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you both in my dreams, and here in this world. GG: So for whatever good it does, just please be extra careful out there today! GT: Roger that janey! GT: And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot... GT: Because well i sure do care a lot about you too you know that. GG: Hooray! Will do. ;B GG: Now let's get this silly old adventure off to the races before the coat of dust it's growing gets any thicker. GT: Booyeah! GT: Ok good luck jane and keep me posted! C ya.

Yet another goddamn reminder that they give a whole fucking damn about each other.

#hom3stuck #homestuck meta #borzoi reread #dirk strider #jake english #jane crocker #borzoi talks #borzoi meta #homestuck

[spandexual]

I love how with even the reveal that Kaguragi's affections towards Racles were in fact affectations we still don't really know what the fuck is going on with them. Like genuinely What Did He Mean By This

to me this feels like a case of him being swept up by Kaguragi's quick steps in the dance of their throne room communiqués (yes this is another bee reference, but did you know that the tango was originally performed by two men?), all the flattery and feigned innocence going to his head. He brags openly but with such artificial insouciance about the crown and its power, it recalls a teenage boy trying to impress an older girl with the flashy car his rich daddy bought him while still trying to look cool and aloof except they're both in their fucking thirties lol. Granted, neither have had a normal upbringing so it's understandable that he's a bit. Like That. lmaoooooo (Racles is heavily unlikely to have had friends at all, let alone girlfriends (or boyfriends) growing up, and most certainly would have been tutored within the castle, and though we're still not 100% on Kaguragi's backstory, I'm rather doubting he was just a simple peasant before the uprising, given the ease of his manner in the theatre of politics. A child of a noble rather than royal family? The former Queen of Toufu we saw a picture of having 3 dots on her face compared to Kaguragi's 4 and Suzume's 5 makes me wonder if in fact Kuroda-san is lying about his past completely, as that certainly seems familial in the way the Hasties share their little forehead lipstick lines...)

and then This

THIS more than anything makes me wonder about the nature of their relationship, and how complex it really is. Kaguragi feigning submission to him in order to steal the lance is one thing, but if it were as simple as Racles being completely fooled by that, I don't think he would have realised this, let alone admitted it out loud. This sounds like it's something he's been aware of (and perhaps subtly scolded, see: Bosimar's rather tired "wasn't that more than he needed to know?" that this cap is in response to) for quite some time. The way he fidgets with his hands so much in this scene makes it seem like he has a lot on his mind too. Could Racles have been letting Kaguragi deceive him, for his own means? He's still clearly A Bad King and not sympathetic in the slightest, but it might not be as cut and dry as it has seemed in this first third of the show.

Here we see that Racles knows Kaguragi very well indeed. The callback to Kaguragi's previous excuse (which he was not there for) of ninjaing his way into the throne room being "[I'm] just out for a stroll" implies that this is a rather common and weak excuse, and that he's caught Kaguragi out more than once snooping around. That he continues to let Kaguragi inside the palace despite this...?

This, too,

implies he's well aware that Kaguragi plays dumb to get his way and get out of trouble, and that he's been letting him do so. Why? What does he gain from encouraging such behaviour? Toufu is obviously the most important nation to control, being the world's food supply as well as just the physically largest territory, so there might be a bit of wanting to keep Kaguragi appeased while still keeping up the appearances of dominating him and keeping him under control. But who knows.

That he just stands there, speechless, when Kaguragi takes the crown and lance instead of lashing out at him is interesting too. Does he know he's lost and there's no point in putting up a fight? (though he puts up a decent one against Gira, despite being very obviously outgunned) Did he truly want Kaguragi to take the crown away, and does its use have some negative drawback that hasn't been revealed? Is he just so heartbroken by betrayal, unforgiving of himself to have fallen into Kaguragi's honey trap? Girl who knows but I'm having fun

#tokuposting #Royal Sentai Kingohger #when I end up writing a THIRD kaguracles fic>>> #Kaguragi Dybowski #Racles Hastie

[kitkatopinions]

So a couple of things stand out to me with this little gem from the commentary for V9.

They viewed Neo as she is as irredeemable. I one hundred percent disagree with the idea that there's a certain level of villainy that makes it impossible for someone to ever come back from, and if I did believe that, it would be like 'genocidal colonizers who want to take over the world' and not like 'formerly abused disabled woman who spent the better part of her on screen time working for someone doing much worse things than her who then developed a grief-driven misguided grudge and has done technically less worse things than most of the RWBY villains even including V9.' But this does make me feel a bit better in that the RWBY writers are less likely to redeem Salem and Cinder, who are two people that even though I think they can be redeemed, they probably should stay evil.

However, them saying they did want to give Neo a bit of sympathy (which is not the same thing as redemption) because of her past... Cool, actually. Yes, it's frustrating that other characters didn't get that sympathy despite having gone through similar or worse things than Neo went through, like Adam, but I'm not gonna want a formerly abused disabled woman to not get an ounce of sympathy just because a different character didn't get it in the past. But also, this does make me think Cinder, Salem, and potentially Mercury will get similar sympathies (I say 'potentially' Mercury because there's quite a chance that the writers are only willing to extend sympathy towards the women characters based on misogyny as they seem to be sometimes pushing a narrative that the women characters are unable to have made their own choices, but also Hazel is an example of them letting men have unfair sympathies they don't deserve and getting treated with a ton of sympathy like they're not responsible for their own actions too.)

It's worth noting that they were swayed by fandom opinion. "There's this really weird line of everybody likes her as a character," they say, as if they don't like or understand exactly why fans would like a character they invented, which is a weird thing writers do sometimes. And they go on to imply it was one of the reasons they had for not wanting to write Neo to have too bad of an end.

The way they talk about Neo committing suicide like it's a good thing... They are actively talking about how Neo 'has a chance' to ''pick a different person to be.' I mean, it was bad enough with the Paper Pleasers, but at least they actually were from the Ever After where (badly done or not) the implication was that it was slightly different than for humans, but Neo? She was a real person from Remnant! She killed herself, and they're like 'dum dum dum it's a sympathetic end for her because killing herself is a good choice actually that 'gives her a chance to be something better.' Like ??? That is point blank period glorifying suicide.

It's remarkable to me that the writers as well as fans think that the ending they gave Neo is even sort of a good thing for Neo that says that they're favoring her character, whether people think that's unjustified or good. The writers might've written Ruby to act a bit sympathetic (which I see as a step in the right direction for her being a caring protagonist, unlike when she cut off Tyrian's tale,) but Neo still didn't get any sort of good ending and in fact when you compare it to Hazel, it feels even worse. She spent the last several seasons playing lacky to someone who didn't respect her while she was grieving the only person who had ever treated her well, she then lost all will to live and reason for existence after Ruby was supposedly dead, then had her autonomy ripped away from her in one of the most meant-to-be-disturbing moments in the show, and a different being talked with her mouth and used her like a puppet, and then she committed suicide. How is that a good sympathetic ending just because Ruby had a two second moment of being like 'hope she does decide to commit suicide for good and become a different person who isn't so messed up?' Hazel got to die a heroic death after 'teaching Oz a lesson' and he was responsible for tons of deaths in Mistral and he beat Oscar on screen!

Idk, I just feel like the entire narrative surrounding Neo's death feels like a big middle finger, even if MKEK intended to try to appease her fans. I thought volume 9 was going to be Neo's time to finally shine in the spotlight, but they brushed her aside to make the Cat a twist villain (like they needed a twist villain,) and then wrote the worst possible end for Neo they could have, and I feel like a crazy person because I feel like the only person who's bothered by it.

#rwde #trigger warning; suicide #tw; suicide #tw; mention of suicide

[ystrike1]

The Neighbor in Room 203 Disappeared Leaving a Key Behind - By Parasite Garden (7.5/10)

Well, this is everything I don't like in a shiny package. The art is gorgeous. The guy is gorgeous. He is the highlight. His design is both cute and mature. That combination makes him scarier. It's also unique. I know this is someone else's golden goose. I know I'm not the only one who is tired of big men with black hair and red eyes. Give this a read if you like bad endings. You know what kind of bad I mean.

Ms. Neighbor is a weirdo. She lives in constant shame and she's madly in love with her neighbor. She's a stalker with some morals. She doesn't want to hurt her crush. She desperately wants to know more about him. Her needs make her cross certain lines. She digs through his garbage sometimes.

Ew.

Nagi is cool. He's handsome and nice too, but he's not very popular. He's a normal guy, not an idol. Stalking him is not an acceptable thing to do. Neighbor is 100% miserable and she regrets every creepy thing she does.

She explodes with guilt. Nagi invites her over to tea. Neighbor has gone too far, and she knows it. She's been sending tea to his home, and leaving letters every day. She wants to stop before she gets too obsessed.

Nagi doesn't want her to stop. He's worse. His nice personality is also fake. He doesn't feel regret. He doesn't feel guilty about what he's doing. He's not particularly lonely like Neighbor. His obsession seems to be mostly sexual...which is a minus point for me but whatever this is a oneshot. He has dolls shaped like her. They're very expensive and he's broken two of them so far with his...enthusiasm...

He thinks she understands him, but it's fairly obvious that their stalking habits are wildly different. Nagi wants to uproot Neighbor from her life and kidnap her. Neighbor wanted to date him, and when she sees the dolls she hates his guts. No hesitation. Her love vanishes. That's another minus point for me. Why establish how weird Neighbor is if you aren't going to lean into it? Oh well. Neighbor is an unwilling kidnapping victim even though she was obsessed with Nagi for a long time.

Nagi has been doing this for a long time. He's been waiting for the right moment. When they became neighbors he acted like her ideal guy. A normal, extremely handsome guy. What single woman could resist? Also Nagi is a skilled stalker who uses computers and disguises to get the job done. Neighbor didn't know she had a stalker. She thought she was the freak.

Nagi has been stalking Neighbor for too long. He thinks of her as a doll now. She's his beloved treasure that he wants to play with. He wants to play with her every day. Every second. His whole life is all about following her around. Her stalking was a confession to him. He basically thinks they are already a couple.

Also his obsession with dolls grew over time. He's so... enthusiastic and horny at his point. He'd be fine with a wife-doll made of her skin. She decides to suffer in order to survive. He's too unhinged to care about her life. He wants to live with her. He's tired of just following. He wants all of her.

Nagi is an extremely depraved man. He runs a private blog. A small group of super fans have been watching him masturbate to Neighbor. His stalking is their entertainment. When they have sex he films it for his fans. He wants to show her off, because she's the prettiest doll.

He doesn't care about her feelings in the slightest. He doesn't use a condom. He uses drugs and he is excited to have a family with her.

He locks her in the luggage bag he stores his dolls in, and he moves out of his apartment. It is heavily implied that he is going to move to a foreign country with her. She might even be dead in the box, but I don't think so. Neighbor is willing to debase herself to live, and he really wants her to have his kids.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #manga #The Neighbor in Room 203 Disappeared Leaving a Key Behind

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Child's Play | Prologue

PAIRING | Dad!Bucky Barnes x Dad!Steve Rogers

WORD COUNT | 1.3K

SUMMARY | Both Steve and Bucky have been through hell and back throughout their lives, but their love for each other would always be a constant. Now they want to expand that love by starting the family they always dreamt of having, and the first step into their new family is going to be an important one.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Established relationship [ married couple ], talks about surrogacy and adoption, mentions about going through the adoption process, implied gay sex, mention of a car crash, mention of being an orphan,

A/N | This one shot is part of my Child's Play AU, but can be read as part of the story, or a standalone one shot! 🖤

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Stucky Masterlist | AU Masterlist

Life hasn't exactly been easy for the two super soldiers, but throughout everything, they always were the best of friends and together they could handle just about anything. They didn't say ''I'm with you until the end of the line'' lightly, and each day they were showing each other that they are trying their hardest to keep that promise. Back in the 40s, their life was different, as it mostly consisted of stolen glances, secret kisses, and hidden touches. In the 21st century, however, they are completely accepted, and they are living their perfect life as a married couple, celebrating their 3rd wedding anniversary in a few months. Although, it's almost perfect.

''Steve, what do you think about expanding our little family?'' Bucky asked casually over dinner one evening, and Steve almost choked on his food when he heard the question come out of his husband's mouth. ''Excuse me?'' he said, not sure he heard Bucky correctly. ''Yeah, I think it would be amazing if we could expand our family by welcoming a child into our lives, we've always dreamt to have our little tribe one day so I don't see why not,'' Bucky said and he shrugged while he continued to eat. His husband's eyes were wide as saucers as he let the question sink in.

''Uh... Can I think about it?'' he said, still taken aback by the sudden question to which he most definitely did not have an answer. Sure, they talked about starting their family, but it had never been anything concrete since they're both still active as Avengers. ''Sure,'' Bucky said as he continued eating like nothing happened. The rest of the evening was laced with a bit of tension as Steve wasn't sure how to process this right now, it was a lot and it was all so sudden that his brain couldn't quite comprehend it. ''What's wrong, Hubs?'' Bucky asked as he saw the tension in Steve's body rise with every minute that went by.

''What if I won't be a good Dad? What if I drop them, or screw them up or something? What if they don't like me? What if-'' Steve spewed out all at once, tears coming to his eyes as he finally spoke out his anxiety. Bucky sat with his back against the headboard of their bed, and he pulled Steve in between his legs so he could calm him down a little bit. His arms snaked around his husband's waist, his Vibranium arm cool to the touch as his flesh hand was a big contrast, but the feeling always seemed to ground him. ''I know you'll be the best Daddy I have ever seen,'' he whispered in Steve's ear, and he immediately turned bright red from his face down his neck. He wasn't used to Bucky calling him that outside of their sex life, and even then it still caught him off guard sometimes.

''We don't have to decide right away, Hubs, don't worry,'' Bucky clarified. ''I just thought I'd ask since I've been thinking about it more and more lately,'' he said, a small smile appearing on his lips. ''You, me, a few kids, a few pets. Seems like the perfect life to me,'' he said and Steve slowly let the thought run around in his head. He always wanted to have a big family, mainly because he lost him at such a young age. ''It does sound nice,'' he said in a dreamy voice. ''We should look into it a little more, there are tons of options for couples like us to have children,'' he said with a sigh, not looking forward to the headache it would most likely cause when the time arrived.

''Sounds good to me. Can I relax you a little more with a massage right now?'' Bucky offered and Steve gladly accepted, he loved it when Bucky massaged the knots out of his back and shoulders because that's where he stored most of his stress. He laid down on his stomach on the bed and Bucky got the massage oil out of his bedside drawer - grabbing one with eucalyptus scent this time - and dripped a little bit on Steve before putting it aside and working through the tough knots in his husband's back one by one. Steve let out groans as he felt the stress leave his body, he hadn't felt this relaxed in a while. When he was done, the two men switched and Steve massaged Bucky, taking extra good care of the tissue where his flesh combined with the metal of his Vibranium arm as that is what mostly bothered him.

~ A few months and a lot of research later ~

''I think we should either go with surrogacy or adoption,'' Steve concluded after discussing everything the two found out about starting a family. ''The good thing about surrogacy is that they would be a part of us, seeing that they would share DNA with one of us. The super soldier serum might be a huge downside though...'' he sighed as he looked at the pros and cons list they made. ''What about adoption? Many kids need loving homes, so instead of crowding this country even more by producing one of our own, we could help a kid into a loving forever home,'' Bucky offered, and Steve knew he was right. However, he had always wanted a child that shared his DNA, Bucky expressed he didn't want his passed on, even though that would mean the end of his bloodline.

''I think you're right, Bubs,'' Steve said, as he thought more and more about adoption. As much as he would love to pass on his DNA, it was likely, not viable unless the surrogate would also be a super soldier. ''I can't believe I'm going to say this, but we're hopefully going to adopt a child in the future,'' he said with a content sigh. ''They're going to be perfect, and spoiled rotten,'' Bucky laughed, already envisioning himself with his little family. ''I can't wait for that day to arrive,'' he said, before closing their laptop and pushing it aside so he could sit where the laptop just was. He pulled Steve to his full height before capturing his lips in a kiss. They would spend the rest of the night making each other fall apart on Steve's desk before they were completely tired out and fell asleep in each other's arms.

The two men did lots and lots of research into adopting a child, which wouldn't be easy. They ended up deciding to go for a domestic adoption, but they didn't mind what age, they would be happy with every kid that could come their way. They took weeks budgeting for their adoption, but since they were both paid very generously as Avengers, money would never become an issue, both before and after the adoption. Next up, they needed to decide on which adoption agency they wanted to work with, which proved harder than they initially thought.

Both men shared many a night discussing different agencies, each having their pros and cons, but eventually, they found one that is more of a private agency, meaning the prices are higher, but the quality of care that goes into their work is a lot higher too. After many meetings with their adoption professional and almost as many home studies, they were accepted into their adoption process, and the most stressful part would begin right about now. Would they get a baby or an older child? It turns out they were perfect candidates to adopt a little 2-year-old girl, who sadly was placed into foster care after losing both her parents in a car crash. The two of them knew all too well what it was like to be an orphan, so they happily accepted the offer to adopt the little girl.

And now, after many long years, hardships, and love, the moment has arrived when they finally welcomed their little girl into their life. Her name? Luna Barnes-Rogers.

#bucky barnes x steve rogers #bucky barnes x captain america #stucky #steve x bucky #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #captain america fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #steve rogers fluff #captain america fluff #stucky fluff

[genderqueerdykes]

hi!

what do you think about old words like FtM and MtF? (and I guess FtX, MtX, ItX, ItF, ItM)

it would be cool if young trans people share their thoughts too!

are they still comfortable for someone?

idk I just realized it's less dysphoric than AGAB form.

AGAB sounds like it's forever with you, meanwhile XtX sounds like escaping/transitioning from "not you" to "you"

of course it also sounds like if person "was" female (FtM) or male (MtF), which it not true

I personally just found out recently I'm okay with ?tX lol

hello, thanks for asking!

FTM and MTF aren't very old terms, they are still widely used and in fact the primary subreddit for trans men, transmascs and other masc aligned trans folk is r/FTM. i noticed you said it sounds like the person "was" female if FTM or "was" male as MTF, which is not what the terms mean, and also, some trans people do identify as having been female before transitioning to male or male before transitioning to male. if you read the interviews contained within To Survive on This Shore you will read the stories of a lot of trans people who did in fact love their lives as the other gender before they transitioned. while a lot of people do not like that rhetoric, some do, and it's not fair to try to erase their experiences for the sake of 'inclusive language'. people can define these terms or not use them as they please

FTM and MTF are not offensive, bad, or outdated terms in any way shape or form.

keep in mind that this line of thinking is a fundamental misunderstanding of what FTM and MTF actually mean. the the "F" in FTM refers to that person's biological sex marker- as in, you are changing your biological sex in some way to go from what was assigned/viewed as F to M. the opposite is true for MTF.

FTM is not a term that's just for trans men and MTF is not just for trans women. these terms refer to the changing of your biological sex, so an FTM person could be anything from a trans man to an FTM identifying transsexual butch lesbian. MTF people can be trans women or drag queens who take hormones and get surgeries. it can be a wide range of things, and while i can see it being uncomfortable for some, in others, they are loved and appreciated terms with a lot of history and are inclusive. i am not AFAB in the sense that i have a 100% "biologically female body" and I still identify with the term FTM because I find the X/I terms clunky. i have been using FTM for a decade now, i'm not going to trash it just because of a misinterpretation of what it means

also AGAB just literally refers to the gender you were assigned at birth. it's not really "permanent" it's a snap decision that was made when you were underdeveloped as a newborn baby. biological sex can be altered freely at will. to be brutally honest with you anon, i actually really detest the logic that the XtY labels are "escaping" something "to become your true self" for every trans person- i really would not apply this logic to anyone but yourself. this sounds very much like a you thing and not something that suits the entire trans community and this could be very offensive to some trans folk. many FTM butches are still women. many FTM drag queens are still men. p

i am very glad to hear you are okay with that term! I personally find the ?/X terms clunky so i don't use them for myself. i am FtMtF or FtMF. i'm glad it you found what works for you. I'm not a fan of implying FTM and MTF are bad or outdated, and i think it's exhausting to try to cycle them out of the common vernacular or do a big reach and assume it means something that it doesn't. it's a term that people can use if they want to, but trans men are under no obligation to use FTM and trans women are under no obligation to use MTF. they're terms you can use if they find they suit you, and folks who are made happy by them deserve to get to keep terms that weren't offensive to begin with

hope this makes sense, take care

#asks #answers #ftm #mtf

[love-byers]

i fully believe the reason the final cut of this scene is so different is because they changed it to be more subtle. cause if you imagine it played out on screen, it's so unbelievably romantic. the final cut is also extremely romantic, but the og is just nuts to me. i'm also pretty sure the duffers said they change things and cut things out to make things less obvious, so take that as you will

1. will is still kneeling on the floor, but there's no direction for mike to sit on his bed. it says mike goes up to him, which could be a lot of things, but since will is still on the floor im guessing mike was meant to squat down to his level or kneel next to him. already way more intimate than the final cut where mike sits on his bed. so as we go through this, make sure you keep in mind they are sitting right next to each other

i imagine he was supposed to be right there

2. 'you didn't have to' wasn't in the original script. originally, mike and will were supposed to let will's words hang in the air and smile at each other for a second or two (probably the same amount of time between 'you didn't have to' and 'hey, also-' in the final cut). they were supposed to smile at each other until mike says "Hey, listen [...]", then will looks away. a few uncut seconds of them....smiling at each other.....until one of them awkwardly breaks the silence.... y'all.

id also like to bring up what finn said about mike not knowing about will's feelings, but there also being a mutual understanding and acceptance. i think what he means is that they mutually understand how different and special their relationship is. "i didn't say it..." with no response but a shared smile implies the same thing the final cut does. will didn't have to, mike understood anyway. that shared smile is supposed to be them acknowledging that. they both know it, and i honestly don't know how finn and noah were supposed to act that out without it being so obviously flirty and blushy. hence why they most likely didn't keep it in. also remember that they're supposed to be right next to each other probably face to face. THE OG WOULDVE BEEN SO BLUSHY AND AWKWARD LIKE.......

3. "If we're....friends again. Best friends."

lord jesus

given that at this point in s4 the audience is meant to have already put it together that will likes mike, that line is crazy to me.

"If we're..."

WHY DID HE HAVE TO THINK??? WHY DID HE HESITATE???? the watcher already knows there is romance present in this dynamic, how fucking else is that meant to be taken?? this is also stranger things, the show where a staple in their romances is that they always claim they're just friends, when they're not. and it's MIKE saying this, not will.

and right after this, it says "Will finally looks at mike, emotional." so during mike's entire monologue, will isn't looking at him. to be honest i think them staring into each other's souls in the final cut it more romantic, but mike saying all this to a will who isn't looking at him adds a lot of depth. imagine mike saying all that and staring at will, who isn't looking back. it puts more romantic emphasis on mike. it's like mike wants will's approval.

smooth transition into—

4. "Yeah?" "Yeah."

good god it's so romantic

they swapped this for "Cool." "Cool." which can be interpreted as platonic a lot easier. and the time they did use "yeah?" "yeah." was during the van scene. it happens in the og script for the bedroom scene too, except it was WILL asking and MIKE confirming. they're flip flopped.

we can't know for sure what scene they filmed first, but i think it might've been van scene first and then the bedroom scene, cause i know the roller rink scenes and scenes in the house were filmed near the end of filming as a whole.

i probably sound crazy, but let's entertain that possibility for a second. cause one was filmed first, which means one was changed first.

the van scene lines were originally "You really think so?" "I know so." , but they changed it to "Yeah?" "Yeah." so what if they changed it so it would parallel the bedroom scene?

if they kept it as it was originally written, the scenes would be very obvious parallels. one talks and talks and talks about their feelings for the other. then the other asks for confirmation, and confirmation is given. it would've paralleled mike's monologue to will to a love confession, which is WAY too obvious

i cannot express to you how crazy this makes me 

5. "This intimate moment is shattered"

i don't even have to explain why this is a romantic trope, it just is

i'm gonna assume they were still supposed to have their gazes torn from each other like in the final cut, but imagine that happening while they're way closer. SO much more obviously romantic. they could've been in the same shot when it happens like in the other two scenes where they're interrupted, but in the final cut they aren't. and it's entirely possible they changed that cause the og is just WAY too romantic

i also want to highlight a couple parallels between this scene and the van scene cause this script pretty much confirmed they're connected and i honestly never thought about it until now

> "These past few months she's been so...lost without you."

> "Listen, the truth is, this last year has been weird, you know? And, you know, Max and Lucas and Dustin—they're great, they're great, it's just...it's Hawkins, it's not the same without you."

> "Mike takes this all in. Emotional now too."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

and in the final cut

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

> "Will finally looks at mike, emotional."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

and in the final cut

"Cool."

"Cool."

and of course, the painting. the bedroom scene is the set up for the painting. will grabs it before the shoot out happens. and the van scene is the pay off. idk how in the hell i never picked up on that, but i see it now

but yeah. i guess the duffers realized on set how obviously romantic the byler scenes play out and had to fix it so it'll still fly under the radar for most people

not me though y'all stay safe ❤️

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #byler endgame #byler analysis #mike wheeler i know what you are