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#Im not fully happy by any means but I am doing way better than I was before and Im happy about that
ultimateloserboy · 1 year
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i said i would make this post, so here i am. here is the red guy analysis, starting with this qna answer from baker terry. i talked about this question before, it was “whos your favorite to write for?” and after a bit of debate the answer ended up being red guy for pretty much everyone. i mentioned that, but i left out this answer specifically because of how significant it is. im gonna go on a bit of a tangent here, but i promise itll come back around and make sense
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this is what ive been saying about red guy!! hes been going through a constant character arc that never reaches its completion because he is torn down again and again. “hes sensible and together until he isnt” is such a good description, because he might be the MOST normal character but he isnt truly normal. not really. thats very important.
i think red guy is a realistic character, a very human character, and the thing about people is that we’re not as normal as we think. there are differences about all of us that don’t quite fit, and some of us moreso than others, but that is the true normal. true normal is to not be normal. that is what red guy represents to me. we relate to him and think he is sensible because he is, but that doesnt mean hes free of oddness altogether. thats what makes him even more relatable.
but he doesnt realize this, hes riddled with insecurity, and THATS what makes him the way he is. he doesnt quite fit anywhere. hes out of place in his own world, and hes out of place in every other world as well. he doesnt enjoy the house, and he tries to run, but even when he runs he doesnt like what he finds outside. he’ll never find a place where he perfectly fits. he’ll try, but he’ll fail.
but thats another thing. because he doesnt fit anywhere as he is, he usually tries to fit in instead. the characters around him (the fax machine thingy, the trash can, lily and todney) they all tell him that theres something wrong with him and the way he lives, that he could be better, that all he has to do is listen to them and he’ll be normal and respected. and so he does. he listens to them and tries his best to be happy with it. hell tell himself that hes normal and everyone loves him now. that weird people are below him, that nothing is wrong with him because hes perfect. he wont believe it, he’ll be unhappy playing pretend, but at least hes better than everyone else now. at least hes the most normal one. at least hes normal, right?
but then he’ll end up back home, and things will go differently tomorrow. there could be a day where hes waltzing around in clothes, masking who he is and pretending to like it. but then there could be a day where hes coming to terms, where he looks in the mirror and he doesnt care much what others think anymore. where he’ll say “im not supposed to wear clothes, this is the way i look” finally sticking up for himself. he’ll start being kinder, to others and himself. he’ll start being more honest, more open, more loving. he’ll still be as average and monotone as ever, but he’ll be slightly different. he’ll be happier with himself as he is, he’ll ACTUALLY like himself instead of just pretending.
but happiness doesn’t last in a house like theirs. his memory loss will rip away at the realizations he has. he’ll go right back to being bitter and miserable. i dont believe the house is in a timeloop, i hate that theory with a burning passion, but thats besides the point. timeloop or not, he’ll be built up, and then the next day he’ll be knocked back down. he never reaches a point where hes fully happy and i doubt he ever will. i doubt any of them ever will. it makes me so sad, but at least he gets close enough.
in conclusion, duck and yellow guy are very nonsensical and complicated characters, but red guy is too, just in a calmer and more easy-to-understand sense. just because hes the regular, human kind of complicated does not mean he isnt worth analyzing. i wish people would see him as more complex instead of just “relatable depressed tumblr sexyman” like if yall paid attention youd realize that yes, he pulls off the suit, but hes miserable in it. it’s literally him masking. i wish people paid more attention to these things. no shame if you dont, hes supposed to be a more chilled out character compared to the other two, so its natural that people wouldnt think as hard about him. but hes not as smart and reasonable as yall give him credit for, he is until he isnt.
or, if we want to go with the gayer conclusion:
hes YOUR babygirl because hes hot in a suit, but hes MY babygirl because he thinks electricity is magic. because hes an embarrassment to everyone around him. because he doesnt like wasting food or making a mess. because all he wants is a family, and he already has one, but its not normal or functional enough for him. because he smiles more often than everyone thinks. because hes actually kind of an asshole but duck outshines him in that department. because hes selfish and yet he dislikes himself. because he is complicated in the most human way, with a little bit of an inhuman thought here and there. because i am in love with him im just going insane now i need to shut this shit down. ive gotten my point across. goodbye, i love you ! (leaves you a spherical internet device which i created)
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thebirdarts · 6 months
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The Death of Family
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blood stains, innocent blood stains harder. The blood of those you love stains forever. For prompt 6 of @owlcatober , family [click for better quality and notes are under the cut]
this did not happen but also this is what actually happened, the true version of events, not whatever cold and callous series of events actually took place in the mansion on that night.
this is the metaphorical representation of what happened.
her best friend dying in her arms, white dress getting stained by the blood. fingers intertwined the same way as when they practiced dancing. she dies with a smile on her lips and muras eyes are heavy with grief, taking in every detail as the blood pours out from the gash marring her friends beauty. something in her shatters at the same time as the woman in her arms heart stops beating. something shatters so badly that all is left is glass dust, impossible to put back together. in the warped light the blood looks pink and the shadows on her dress seem akin to the bloodstains on her friends. the only thing unstained, the last gift, a wreath of pure white flowers.
What is left after you kill the only person you let in your heart, other than to become a monster.
so this is entirely for the symbolism. mura wouldnt have her classic hairstyle yet [hell i didnt colour in hair or eyes because muras current ones are dyes/changed] and they both would be younger and given shes using gonna use the body to set up someone she would not have time for a melodramatic finger-entwined kinda embrace.
but the drama!!!!
the parallels to the pieta are intentional [but hey what dead body cradled in someones arms cant be related to it]
her friend is the sacrificial lamb for muras permanent decent into villainy. with her friend gone she has no reason to care for others beyond her own survival.
in many ways this moment is more important that mura overtaking her father, this moment seals her on her trajectory. in many ways this froze mura in time, and planted the largest crack in the wall of her image of her fathers excellence.
ive mentioned it before but the only way for mura to be happy and anywhere near normal, would be someone interfering before this point. as soon as her friends heart stopped beating shes locked in her path and beliefs.
it has a roundabout connection to the prompt, it damages her relationship with her father, and also regardless of the label, her kinship with her freind is a powerfull bond, and their extend lifetimes meaning that the growth they shared was not over years but decades, makes her so important to mura, and in some ways family.
an alternate title would be 'death of innocence' or rather the death of muras last shred of compassion and love.
the two fracture points are mura and her friends hearts. i will use the shattered glass motif till i overuse it.
also yes the braid around muras bun thing in the future is a replacement for the wreath of flowers her friend gave her. heartless my ass. for somone who wants nothing more than to forget what happened she sure doesnt let herself forget.
anyway! girlbesties!!! dont we all kill each other and parts of ourself just for the approval of greater forces!!! betray and scar each other in ways that will last forever!!! whats a friend but a sacrifice waiting to happen!!
notes on the piece over, this is now a personal update:
so this was delayed cause i overexerted myself, unfortunately this means my weekend to relax and do some more prompts is now spent testing the limits of how many painkillers i can take. im mostly annoyed, but hey! still have plenty of jojos to watch /read, and ds9 & the expanse are up next on my watch-list so its fine that i cant move any muscle connected to my shoulders without crying in pain! please ignore the pile of corsework i have to do!
this isnt at a level of quality that i would like it to be, but i am happy with it. no artist ever is fully satisfied with their work, its just this time there is a larger distance than normal.
these notes have been long! thank you for reading so far! i hope your weekend is going well!
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nishloves · 3 months
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my rant
tw: talks about weight increase, low self-esteem, moderate anxiety, procrastinating tendencies. this is also extremely long.
i just really need to talk/vent about it.
the worst part about being a "casual" gamer is, you never know when you might get addicted with it. i play genshin and CoD, while cod doesn't interest me as much anymore and i only ever played genshin for like twice a month but recently- genshin has been taking over lol, i played 3 hours of genshin alone yesterday and mind you- i've already finished all the archon (main) quests and i'm still playing it!!! (this is called procrastination)
and this is not just limited to computer games no, i once was obsessed with aerobics gymnastics and was practising it all around my house (before corona struck and i physically became unable to do many tricks cue *decreasing flexibility/strength/stamina and everything after i got sick. after aerobics, my hyper-fixation was basketball and i would play it for around 2-3 hours everyday, my body slowly started getting better and my love for sports and gym was ignited again but then i entered into the senior year of my school and i had to inevitably focus more on my studies because i still can't see myself being an athlete/sportsperson even though i really love sports.
now, i was a science major in my high-school (my core were - phy, chem and bio) and i had always been a hardworker but i started getting burnt out, the more i strayed away from staying active and being fit, the more of couch potato i became. i somehow started studying nicely again, but got corona in sept.2022 and was on bedrest for two weeks, my schedule was a mess again. during that time, it were only my high-school extracurriculars (anchoring, debating, basketball, student council) which were keeping me happy along with a few friends (who in future became insecure of everything i was doing and shut me off by calling me "fake", that shit hurt.) and because i had missed 2 weeks of school and was already behind the syllabus by myself because of improper time management, so i developed anxiety- i only realised this after i had a mental breakdown in school for 2 minutes which i wasn't able to control instantly. (my anxiety is moderate and i don't need any medicines for it- i just need to keep my schedule productive and avoid procrastination.) i realised that i was quite behind and that i needed to do something so i did, i shut myself off and studied for 3 months without any outside exposure or anything- but that made me gain weight, from a 54kg 5'7 girl, i went on to a 68kg and because i got sick just immediately after, my weight increased to 70kgs. now, don't get me wrong- i love my body, i still like the way i look but, i don't feel healthy and i don't think you can understand how nerve-wrecking it is for a person who could run 5km without a worry pant after 500m. it was really... and i mean really heart-braking, more than my weight gain, it was my inability to do anything which made me more and more insecure about myself.
my anxiety, my newly acquired low self-esteem were adding fuel to my already procrastinating tendencies.
now. that is the main issues- i am a procrastinator, and for some reason i'm unable to fully get out of it and i get even more anxious when my days are going unproductive which they are!
i didn't score bad in my high-school finals, my scores of normal college entrance exams were good enough to fetch me into a top 3 college of our nation for b.sc but- i didn't want that. even though all my other exams went well, i seriously fucked up my medical entrance examination. i thought to take a drop year but im seriosuly scared because i don't think i did anything fruitful this year and i just feel like i wasted an year of my life and my main exams are in 4 months and im really really getting stressed out because the selection rate is only the top 1-2% among 2 million applicants, talk about competition lmao.
see, i am aware that i can do it, i don't know if it is arrogance or optimism but i know that if i really do give it all- my blood, sweat and tears and everything- i know that i'll do better, i will be able to score enough to get a medical college- but the thing is, i feel like i am scared to start and i don't want to be.
i want to- i need to work hard to better than my present-self, i need to work out to get my stamina, strength and flexibility back. and even if i fail- i atleast worked hard, i just don't want to regret anything which i am doing, i need to get out of this slump and i need to convince myself to get up and atleast try everyday. because i seriously seriously think that regret is probably the worst emotion you could feel and i don't want to spend my life regretting my decisions.
i just- had to get it off my chest lol. thankyou for reading this all.
i promise you, i'll be a great doctor one day and will clear this exam with every courage i am able to muster.
i guess... that is all? have a nice day and take care of yourself!
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heartsoulspiritelite · 6 months
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BETTER THAN YOU BAY BAY
MJF x Adam Cole
(when they break up imma literally be crying for days. They are my only source of happiness)
Summary-
Max couldn't explain to you, why he felt the urge to protect Adam after his match against Samoa Joe, he can never stand to see the ones he cares for hurt.
But the number one questions on his mind are, Where was Adam? Why was he so late to Max's match? But when he tries to ask Adam about his things go a little bit south until Adam returns beat up, and Max doesn't take any bullshit answers
~
Who did this to you ?!
He couldn't explain to you, why he had such a strong urge to protect Adam tonight, especially after getting his ass handed to him. But he does give himself props. He beat Joe. You told you he would, he never doubted himself. But even after he felt like practically dying, He saw Joe try to lunge at Adam and risked everything just to protect his brochacho.
Max's number one question is, Where was Adam? Why did he take so long to show up? He was supposed to come down to the ring and support his best friend throughout one of his most important matches in his career against Samoa Joe, it's long time story telling yall. This match meant so much the kid inside him. They did it. They proved it to everyone, infront of his New York peers. Why the fuck was Adam so late?
Okay he's not really mad. Adam still came and supported him, he was an amazing friend, and even injured himself for Max.
Walking back stage was tough, he felt so much pride, but at the same time all he felt was agony. Everything hurt. In all honesty both men were in pain, Cole was still suffering from his ankle injury he endured moments earlier.
Adam was helping him walk, While trying to hide his own limp. He had Max's arm around his neck with his arm wrapped around Max's back. They made their way into doc sampsons and sat there in silence with occasional small talk until both men were cleared to leave.
"Max how are you feeling?" Adam asked gently once they were in the car headed to the hotel that the roster was staying at.
"Everything fucking hurts" He replied while favoring his neck, turning his head slightly to look at Adam
Cole grimaces slightly in sympathy
They soon arrive at the hotel and walk in silence until they reach their shared room.
Adam hasn't shared a room with Britt in so long, he feels guilty, but it's not really his fault. All tag partners room together everywhere right?
They take turns showering and unpacking and packing up certain things until both are done and drained.
Adam walks out of the bathroom and he finished brushing his teeth and took a seat by MJF who was sitting on the bed, leaning against the bedframe, scrolling through his phone while holding an ice pack to his neck.
Max looks over at Cole and sighs.
"How's your leg doing? Dude what the fuck even happened?" He asks laughing slightly
Adam shows a small smile
"Max I don't even know, I jumped the ramp to get around to you guys faster and I guess I screwed up my leg or something" He says rushed, he didn't want Max to worry about him, he knows he would so he tries not to make it a big deal.
Max throws him a concerned look
"Dude are you gonna be-" He tries to ask before getting cut off
"Max im gonna be fine alright, everything's good, let's not focus on that let's focus on you. You're in more pain than I am, tonight was your night. You won Max, and I couldn't be more proud of you" He says reassuringly and scoots closer slightly
Max smiles back gratefully but still not fully convinced. He doesn't want to push it so he asks the question that's been on his mind since he saw Cole rush out to cheer him on.
"Adam. Where were you? Why'd it take you so long to show up?" He states seriously
The older man shifts uncomfortably and avoids eye contact
Max notices
"Cole."
"Look. I- uh. I needed to visit Roddy alright. But then he tried to guilt me into staying longer. I didn't. I came back to watch you of course. I'm sorry I never told you, didn't mean to alarm to and i stayed backstage because i thought you wanted to do this on your own." he says quietly still avoiding eye contact
"Bay Bay, how many times do I have to tell this to you. The man is clearly faking it. He's just acting like a jealous ex fucking boyfriend so you'll pay attention to him"  He states trying to get the information through Adam's head, after readjusting his grip on his icepack
But apparently this angers him
"Max what do you know? All everyone has told me is that I'm stupid for being your friend. They all tell me how your gonna turn on me once the time is right. Roddys just acting like a dick right now, but he's still my friend. I need to support him like im supporting you. If they have to get used to the fact that your my bestfriend than you can get used to the fact that Roddys mine" Adam rushes out quite angry
Max feels his eyes widen, and backs off not wanting to cause chaos
"Fine. Goodnight" He says quietly, dropping the subject.
Max turns lays down on one side of the bed and gets under the covers before turning around, facing away from Adam, he lets his icepack rest behind his neck.
"Turn off the lights" He orders before going to sleep.
Cole suddenly feels guilty eat away at him.
This was Max's night. Why did he freak out on him? Everything the man said was true.
"I'm sorry Max" he whispers before getting out of bed to turn off the lights
He doesn't crawl back into bed though. No, he puts on a hoodie and leaves the hotel to go on a walk to get refreshed.
He still has a slight limp but he's had worse. He can deal with it.
He's quite chilly out so he tucks his hands into his hoodie pockets in an attempt to stay warm.
He doesn't get very far until he hears hushed whispers.
Cole tries not to look back and keeps walking. That is until he feels himself get grabbed and thrown onto the ground.
He groans in pain.
The group of people keep kicking and clawing at him. Adam let's them, he doesn't attempt to shove then away, he just curls up into a ball and waits for it to be over.
The attack goes on for another 5 minutes until he hears them talk to one another before leaving.
"Fucking asshole" He hears one of them say, the voice sounds familiar
He tries to look up and catches a glimpse of who they are. All he sees is blurs for about 5 seconds until his sight clears.
Of. Fucking. Course.
Its Roddy & The kingdom.
He should have known. Honestly he should've. He shouldn't have went to that damn hospital. He should've stayed with Max the whole time.
He's slowly drags himself off of the ground and rubs away the blood flowing from his nose from when he face planted onto the ground.
He groans in agony limps back to the hotel slow as ever.
He attempts to open the door quietly so he can sneak back into bed without worrying his tag partner.
But obviously that doesn't end up happening. The universe never seems to be on his side.
He opens the door to Max worryingly pacing around the room.
Once his eyes catch Adam's he rushes over and starts talking a mile a minute.
"What the fuck?! What happened?! Are you okay? Who did this to you. I swear to God Ada-"
"MAX im fine okay don't worry about me" he cuts Max's rambling off in an attempt to shrug of his concern.
Max grabs Adam's chin and stares him in the eyes.
"Don't worry about you?! Adam I swear to God. Don't you lie to me. Who. Did. This. To. You." He says dead serious
Adam shivers
"Max. I-"
"Adam. I'll fucking bend you over my knee" He says a threat.
Coles eyes widen as he feels his face get hot at that.
He knows he's serious to. Max will. It's almost happened before.
"It was Roddy and his gang" the flustered man whispers
Max is furious. He'll fucking kick their asses.
But he calms down enough so he doesn't flip out anymore infront of Adam.
"Come here" He guides Adam gently into the bathroom and sits him down on the counter.
Max goes between Coles legs and grabs a were wash cloth, he gently rubs the blood of his face and body.
Adam catches himself staring at Max, the way he's being so careful not to hurt him more. He likes the way Max looks whens he's focused. It's hot.
"Max.." Cole whispers to get his attention
MJF looks up from where he was almost finished patching up Adam's cuts on his arm.
"What is it?" He says concerned
Max examines Adam's face and gently puts his hand on his cheek and rubs
"Kiss me or leave me" he says quietly but bodly
This catches Max of guard and he flinched a bit, looking wide eye and flustered
"What?" He says confused
"Please, kiss me or just get it over with and leave me" The long haired man whimpers
The curly haired man smiles
He grabs Adam's face lightly and presses his lips onto his
Adam grabs the back of his neck and carefully as he can without causing the other man any pain.
"I'm not going to leave you Adam, I love you to much to do that" He whispers once they break the kiss
Adam smiles
"I'm sorry for getting upset at you earlier. I knew you were right. I just wanted to give him a chance" he apolagizes
"Its alright man don't apolagize, but don't think they're getting off the hook for this. Im gonna fucking kill them." Max states, he's eyes full of fury.
"Thanks" He starts before hopping of the counter so he can properly hug the man
"And by the way I love you too Max" he finishes and grabs Max so he can reconnect their lips.
~
Edit- so um I made this before I watched 9/27 dynamite bruh I did not know Adam's ankle was THAT BAD like holy crap😭
~Cross-posted on wattpad and ao3~
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messrsage · 5 months
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fic writing tag
thank you so much for the tag @fruityindividual it was lovely getting a little glimpse into your fic process/thoughts!! xx
1. how many works do u have on ao3?
6!
2. what's ur total ao3 word count?
28 996 (and like 100k+ in drafts…)
3. what fandoms do u write for?
currently only hp/marauders:) i’ve written for other fandoms before but most of them are pretty niche so i don’t think there’s any point in mentioning them haha
4. top 5 fics by kudos 
can’t believe im being forced to look at my stats that i normally avoid at all costs
(also i literally have 6 fics so its all of them except for one)
in no particular order: what about today?, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it (but a kiss can be just as deadly if you mean it) 1-3, the sun and his lover
5. do u respond to comments?
in theory? yes! in actuality? still yes but i’ve been logged out of my ao3 account since like june (?) and i know i have an overflowing inbox of comments i haven’t read or replied to in these past few months and i’m really sorry i haven’t gotten around to it but my brain is just not braining properly. i do appreciate each and every person and each and every comment so, so much. so if you’ve ever left a comment: ty and ily<3
6. what's the fic u wrote w the angstiest ending?
oh… it’s probably going to end up being the serpentine seven considering it's a six of crows au and we all know how that story goes... but that’s not finished yet so probably what about today? i had ppl begging me for a sequel after the way that ended which i think is probably a good testament as to the angstiness of the fic 
7. what's the fic u wrote w the happiest ending?
i… i don’t think i’ve ever written a happy ending. at least not fully. they’re usually left pretty open or like realistic i guess? life usually doesn’t have a happy ending. it just keeps going. but probably one of the mistletoe oneshots? maybe misteltoe can be deadly if you eat it (but a kiss can be just as deadly if you mean it): III.
8. do u get hate on fics?
not only do i get hate but i get death threats<3 usually from people who haven’t actually read the fics and are just trolling though so i guess technically no bc the hate isn’t for the actual fics but rather their existence(??)
9. do u write smut?
kinda? like it’s not super explicit but yeah it's in some of my stories
10. do u write crossovers?
no
11. have u ever had a fic stolen?
not as far as i know
12. have u ever had a fic translated?
nope!
13. have u ever co-written a fic before?
i have not!
14. what's ur all-time favourite ship?
don’t make me choose…. i can’t choose… wolfstarbatcatpynchkanejspitfire
15. what's a wip u want to finish but doubt u will?
oh man… i don’t think i have one… i am v determined and naively hopeful, i think starting them is more of a problem than finishing them tbh. it might take me years but i'll get there.
16. what are ur writing strengths?
idk if i’d necessarily consider it a strength but dialogue and the psychology of the characters i write usually come pretty easy to me. also unnecessary amounts of references to greek mythology, worship and moral compasses
17. what are ur writing weaknesses?
actually making myself sit down and write. and endings. i hate endings. i never know how to end something, i always feel like i can write more or do better. yeah. my endings always feel pretty weak or cheesy.
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?
well, considering english is like the idk 7th language i ever learned all of my dialogue is in another language… (but i think this is more about maybe adding another language to a fic? like if you make the black brothers speak in french? i’m totally fine with that :) )
19. first fandom u wrote for?
oh god. i actually can’t remember. i think the first thing i published on fanfiction.net was about this bookseries called the drake chronicles? yes it was about vampires. i have not changed much in the past almost 15 years. sue me vampires are hot
20. favourite fic u've ever written?
i think i like the worldbuilding from the serpentine seven but none of that is published yet. i like the way the different storylines intertwine in home (is wherever i’m with you). but that one’s not published yet either. so. idk. it might be what about today? or a fic that’s not available online anymore that was a lucaya exes to lovers fic.
no pressure tag: @twisted-tales-told @cr-amber @sophsicle @otrtbs @messerflower @frank-lilac @anouri @cornishpixiez @mayescapade @inevitablestars <3
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stormyoceans · 1 year
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i’m rewatching and i still don’t know how this show exists or what kind of drugs were the writers on, but i’m so glad they were lmao and they have enough for our skyy 2 episodes. Any thoughts about 1) empty cinema scene, 2) talay’s foggy glasses kiss, 3) grafitti library scene, ‘Do you want me to live with you or do you want something 18+’ unhinged daydream, 4) wedding scene, 5) puen reading shojo manga, 6) why they should stop eating so much junk food, 7) snow scene? Sorry this got too long. I just love your thoughts about them so much!
Have an awesome day!
(one day i’ll come off anon, im just too shy and awkward lmao)
[peaks timidly from my inbox] yes hello i come asking for forgiveness ;;;;;; i really am so terribly sorry for how late this answer is, anon, i've been so all-over the place in the few past weeks and wrote this here and there whenever i needed to feel better, which probably means it's even more scattered and less coherent than usual ;;;;; not sure if you're still around or even just still interested in this, but i wanted to reply to you anyway, so here we go!!!
1) empty cinema scene: ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED SCENES IN THE ENTIRE SHOW IM SO HAPPY YOU MENTIONED IT BECAUSE WE DON’T TALK NEARLY ENOUGH ABOUT IT!!!!! literally the proof that no one can cheer talay up and get him out of his own head like puen does!!!! talay's ridiculously fond smile as puen pretends the cinema is full of people, the way he actually plays along with it after the initial 'what the hell are you doing' reaction.... we always make fun of puen for being down bad BUT GOD TALAY IS SO SMITTEN TOO he sees puen tearing up while watching the movie (THEIR movie) and his first instinct is to gently wipe away those tears LIKE IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU WANT TO BITE YOUR OWN ARM OFF AND FEED IT TO THE WOLVES THEN I ENVY YOU TBH. and the most insane thing is that at the time he didn’t even know he was in love with puen, he hadn’t realized it yet, while puen was already fully aware of his own feelings for talay. puen who, during the voice over, says "it's you. if it wasn't for you, this movie wouldn't have happened. without you, my screenplay wouldn't be this good", which parallels what he tells talay at the end of episode 4, "if it's not you, i wouldn't be able to work this well". and looking back at it, i really feel like it shouldn't have surprised me so much to learn that puen realized he was in love with talay at the glass house, because he was basically shouting it from the rooftops. "which scene is your favorite?" talay asks him. "the last scene where both of them meet again in the coffee shop," puen answers, because "i went there with you". it's you. it can't be anyone but you. i love you, i love you, i love you. IM TRULY NEVER GONNA GET TIRED OF SAYING HOW THEY INVENTED PARALLELISM ROMANTICISM SOULMATISM ALSO NOT THEM BEING SO ENTHRALLED BY EACH OTHER THEY DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT UP AND AOU WERE THERE TOO PEOPLE IN LOVE ARE THE WORST
2) talay’s foggy glasses kiss: NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY AND EVEN IF I HAD ANY I WOULD KEEP THEM BETWEEN ME AND GOD BECAUSE THEY SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T BE FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION. like i make fun of puen for being horny all the time but also i get it. if talay confessed to have been in love with me since the very first time we met by using a very similar line i liked from a movie we watched together years ago all while looking so warm and cuddly in an oversized sweater, i would feel compelled to kiss him senseless too. also not to be petty, but as much as people like to say jimmysea can't kiss, this is the only time i can fully believe a make out session left a character breathless, with weak knees, and a little turned on like THE FOGGY GLASSES, TALAY'S LIPS ALL RED FROM KISSING, HIS HAIR MESSED UP FROM PUEN'S HANDS RUNNING THROUGH IT, HIS EYES COMPLETELY GLAZED OVER...... REARRANGED MY GUTS MY SOUL MY ENTIRE LIFE AND EVERYTHING I EVER THOUGHT I KNEW THE SPECTRE OF THE PERSON I WAS WHEN I FIRST SAW THIS KISS HAUNTS MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT THEY REALLY DID THE MOST
3.a) grafitti library scene: PAIN SUFFERING TORMENT AGONY ANGUISH BUT ALSO THE TENSION THE UNDERCURRENT THE WHOLE ENTIRE EVERYTHING OF IT ALL I HATE TO SEE THEM FIGHT BUT GOD I LOVE THIS SCENE I REALLY DO. i just think it's such an important moment, character-wise, and it's also the first big turning point in their relationship, just like the separation in episode 6 is, because the conflict is actually functional to their growth, especially puen's. puen is already so deeply in love here, but it's so painfully obvious that he has no idea how to go about it and that he is still struggling to find himself, so he defaults to what he knows, to being puen the actor, and that's what he ends up putting on, an act, a big over the top romantic one that could have come out from a movie, but even if the feelings behind it are genuine, the gesture itself isn't, and talay KNOWS, because puen is the kind of person that quietly waits outside his university all day just to spend a little more time with him, not the one that makes a spectacle out of it. this is what makes talay finally snap, because while we see him being very confused about his feelings throughout the episode, and very doubtful about puen's too, you can see that part of him did believe in puen's sincerity ("lately, someone has done something nice to me," talay says to dol a little later in the episode, "so nice that i thought he was serious"), which is why it hurts so much to see talay's crestfallen expression when he asks puen "so all you've done is for your screenwriting?" (and since we're talking about it SEA'S ACTING HERE IS SO GOOD AND YET SO UNDERRATED IM EATING MY FIST) and puen doesn't realize how upset talay really is until it's too late, until he tries to explain and maybe even confess something ("im not messing with you. i--") but talay doesn't want to listen anymore. however this rejection is essential to make puen understand that he has to stop hiding under puen the actor and start being puen the person if he wants to be with talay. this is a long process that will only end in episode 10, when he'll finally be ready to tell talay his name, but this was the first step towards it: as misguided as the kiss in the glass house is, it's also the moment where puen stops playing a role and starts following his feelings. i honestly don't think it's a coincidence that in this episode the password used for the association is "you're not a movie. you are real."
3.b) ‘Do you want me to live with you or do you want something 18+’ unhinged daydream: PEAK DERANGED PUEN MOMENT HE REALLY SAID LET ME ADMIT OUT LOUD ALL THE ROMANTIC DOMESTIC HALF HORNY FANTASIES I'VE EVER HAD ABOUT YOU. IM PRETTY SURE THAT IF TALAY DIDN'T STOP HIM HE REALLY WOULD HAVE GONE INTO FULL 18+ NSFW XXX TERRITORY THERE IS JUST NOT A SINGLE OUNCE OF SHAME IN THIS BOY'S BODY AND YET TALAY STILL THINKS HE’S DOING IT FOR THE BIT. INSANITY LUNACY MADNESS AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY HAVE I GONE CRAZY. on a more serious note, i already said it before, but i absolutely love how the talay in puen's daydreams is just like the real talay, so much so that we could hardly tell that what we were seeing wasn't actually what was happening, because it shows that puen loves him as he is, warts and all, and that in puen's head their relationship turning into a romantic one wouldn't change who they are or how they interact with each other: they would still bicker and banter and be friends, and that's one of the things i love the most about them. ALSO ALL THE DETAILS IN PUEN'S FANTASY ACTUALLY BECOMING TRUE MAKES ME WANT TO RIP MY HEART OUT AND EAT IT BUT LET'S NOT GO THERE
4) wedding scene: I HAVE MULTIPLE ORGANS FAILURE EVERY TIME I REWATCH THIS SCENE POSSIBLY BECAUSE THEIR OUTFITS HERE ARE MY FAVORITE FOR BOTH OF THEM IN THE ENTIRE SHOW BUT MAINLY BECAUSE PUEN IS REALLY OUT THERE JUST SAYING SHIT LIKE "I SHOULD JUST MARRY A COLORIST" IN EPISODE 4!!!!!! BOY HAS JUST REALIZED HE'S IN LOVE LIKE 2 DAYS AGO AND IS ALREADY PLANNING THEIR WEDDING IN HIS HEAD!!!!!! also i adore how the writers use this specific setting to let us know the characters' current attitude towards love: puen talking about getting married and having a partner vs talay being focused on working on the video, puen catching the bouquet with no fear vs talay shielding himself from it.... THIS IS WHY I DESPERATELY NEED THE PUENTALAY WEDDING IN OUR SKYY I /NEED/ P'X TO GIVE ME THIS PARALLEL IT WOULD SIMPLY BE SO DELICIOUS. and not to be that person but fucking raw in that venue right then and there would have been less obscene than the looks they be throwing at each other while puen tells the entire room he is hitting on talay and then gives him the bouquet. jimmysea really be showing up on set every day like we're gonna display so much adoration desire yearning and love through the look in our eyes alone AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FOR IT
5) puen reading shojo manga: OF COURSE PUEN WOULD LOVE SHOUJO WHEN HE IS SO INTO LOVE AND ROMANCE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE AND IT'S HONESTLY SO ADORABLE I HOPE TALAY BUYS HIM AN ENTIRE LIBRARY FOR HIM TO FILL WITH ALL HIS FAVORITE MANGA. and i think it's interesting to point out that shoujo, much like the color pink, is something that has been forcefully connected to a whole set of 'feminine' characteristics that society tells men are off-limits for them: men don't need to be caring and sweet and romantic and cute.... but puen is very much all of these things, and maybe his reticence in admitting he likes shoujo is yet another way he hides his real self away because he's scared not to be liked, which makes talay's genuine interest all the more important. also we tend to associate shoujo with romance, but the three more common narrative themes in the genre are a focus on human relations and emotions, characters that defy traditional roles and stereotypes surrounding gender and sexuality, and depictions of supernatural and paranormal subjects. IDK ABOUT YOU BUT THAT SOUNDS VERY FAMILIAR TO ME
6) why they should stop eating so much junk food: THIS MAKES ME LAUGH SO MUCH EVERY TIME I READ IT BUT ALSO I REALLY DO HOPE THEY’RE SNEAKING SOME VEGETABLES IN BETWEEN ALL THE CHIPS AND FRIED CHICKEN AND PREMADE NOODLES AND DIFFERENT KIND OF SWEETS OR THEY’RE GONNA GET A HEART ATTACK BEFORE THE AGE OF 40 (thank god for the 0% sugar oishi drink at least sfjkshfkgs). also not me suddenly getting choked up at the thought of the two of them getting to 50 years old and finding out that talay’s pressure tends to get too high so puen studies a proper diet for it and makes sure talay follows it scrupulously NOT ME THINKING ABOUT OLD PUENTALAY GROWING VEGETABLES IN THEIR GARDEN AND REMINDING EACH OTHER TO TAKE THEIR MEDS EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND I NEED TO GO WALK INTO TRAFFIC REAL QUICK YEAH NO BRB
7) snow scene: there are honestly many things i could talk about in this scene ("when you see snow again next time you will think of me", puen and talay having to play the characters, puen kissing talay's cheek, talay saying he doesn't like to be hugged, the freaking shaved ice made with snow and the oishi drink) BUT THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK ABOUT IS "YOU MUST ONLY BE HAPPY TALAY" LIKE IM SORRY BUT ISABELLE ADJANI GOING TITS OUT INSANE IN THE TUNNEL SCENE FROM POSSESSION HAS NOTHING ON WHAT I FEEL ABOUT THIS LINE IT'S IN MY TOP 10 MOST ROMANTIC PUEN'S LINES AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY IN WAYS I CAN'T REALLY EXPLAIN AND I WISH I COULD SAY ANYTHING COHERENT ABOUT IT BUT RN THERE ARE JUST AMBULANCE SIRENS GOING OFF IN MY HEAD
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deadlittledogs · 8 months
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I cut off my toxic ex best friend 2 weeks ago. I feel like im nothing without her. I dont know what to do. Everything i did i did with her and now i dont know who i am anymore. Do u have any advice for that? I think we could be in a similar situation
Honestly? Accept that right now you’re going to be in pain and that it’ll always be something that will hurt. There’s a chance that you’ll never come to fully accept what happened and there might never be a day where you come to feel ‘good’ about the whole thing. That doesn’t mean she really loved you, or that it was a mistake to end things, just that there was damage done and there’s no use in pretending it’s something you can scrub off easy-peasy and feel better about in under a month.
Take time to learn to make decisions for yourself. Buy yourself a weird shade of nail polish or get a new hairstyle, in an odd way it feels cathartic to detach yourself from who you were then and start with something fresh. Every week buy yourself the occasional sweet treat, do something your ex would’ve stuck her nose up about, dress like a bad bitch even if all you do is sit in your room afterwards lol. Just be self indulgent and treat yourself like the main character for a little bit, find delight in the things that are specifically you.
Things will probably come in waves, you’ll wake up one morning and miss her so terribly you feel like you could just forgive all her sins if it meant seeing her one more time, other times you wake up and google how the police might investigate for evidence of arson… Sometimes you wake up and just lay there for days and days and cry and cry and cry but most importantly; there will be a day where you wake up and don’t remember her. You’ll eat your breakfast and get dressed and get ready for whatever the day has in store for you and you won’t think about it anymore. You’ll just… exist….. without the onslaught of toxicity being thrown at you…. without the feeling that your whole life was cruelly thrown into a meat blender…… you’ll just be you….
And idk, even if after all this time I’m still alone, my socializing skills have gotten better. My room is cool as fuck. I dress as autistically as I want now. I can rest with the knowledge that I will never be as evil as a cunt as my ex was because when I love someone, I care deeply about them, and I will never create a situation where the person important to me suffers for so long and so terribly. I’m better than them and I’m better than that relationship. You are too. So let yourself be traumatized, let yourself be angry, let yourself be happy in a way that’s not 100% dependent on the approval of another. Just let yourself go through it, man. Cuz it’ll never feel good but one day it will feel better.
and besides, everyone knows, the best way to really needle at another person is not by being a depressed loser (because they will have no sympathy for the pain they’ve created)….. but by being more successful than them……. so sometimes ya let spite take the wheel and you try in life just to show the other person that you don’t purely exist to be a punching bag and you can do just fine on your own without their spindly grip on your back. SO JUST BE PATIENT, TAKE UR TIME AND DON’T PUSH IT. PRAY TO GOD KARMA IS REAL…… GOD SPEED LITTLE SOLDIER…..
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Do you have tips on how to deal with fear of success/self sabotage due to growing up in a toxic home? I’m scared of leaving because everything I’ve tried mostly didn’t work out, and my parents have exhausted me, and emotionally beat me out of being excited for the future. Im suppose to graduate college this year, but I can’t because I wasn’t allowed to transfer and had panic attacks during online college so I had to stop. I just feel….so stuck and miserable. I spent majority of this year wasting money binging and ducking up my teeth and health in the process. Ik it’s not good for me, and now I actually have the resources and can save $ to leave, but I’m still scared. Of the guilt but more so that even if I leave my toxic house, I’ll still be miserable. I’m worried that secretly all along I was the problem and using my parents as an excuse. Sounds irrational I’m sorry but it’s the truth. Please what advice would you give me? Thank you.
First, you need professional help if you’re binging and puking (I assume you got autocorrected there). Whether you mean that you’re binging and purging your food or if you’re binging alcohol and vomiting, you need more help than I can give here.
What I can help with is in reassuring you that happiness is not a random state that just happens. It’s something we choose and build for ourselves. What’s so amazing about that is you don’t have to just sit and hope for it to happen. You can control it. You can make it for yourself. I think one of the hardest things to unlearn for people from toxic situations is that we don’t control our own lives.
I liken it to surviving a storm. You leaned to make yourself small. You learned to look for and respond to danger at all times. You learned to never let your guard down for a moment. And so it’s natural to think your happiness is tied to the wind.
But it’s not. You don’t have to hope and appease the wind. You can grow up and leave. You can choose to build a better life and to learn healthy coping mechanisms. Yes, it’s work. Yes, it takes time. But it is so so worth it.
Early 20s is when most mental illnesses peak. Statistically speaking, it only gets easier from here.
As soon as it’s financially possible, move out. Limit contact with toxic people. Look after you. Figure out what happiness looks like for you. Then make it. A little bit each day.
And to address your most heartbreaking question- of whether the problem was really you all along- I can promise you with 99.9% certainty that you aren’t. I’m likely closer in age to your parents than to you and let me promise you that there is nothing a child or teen can do that justifies cruelty or neglect. The adult is always responsible for their behavior.
But just to fully reassure you, let me promise that if you are the problem, you won’t heal or get better any more than if it wasn’t your fault by staying in a toxic environment. Even if in the 0.01-% case where you’re the toxic one, you can’t hope to change stuck where you are. I saw my aunt go through a mid life crisis that wasn’t cute. She became very cruel because she was miserable and while it’s correct to say she was the toxic one, she never would have changed for the better if she hadn’t left my uncle and my cousins and got her shit together far away. She also didn’t become that way in a vacuum.
But again, I am 99.9% confident you’re a perfectly lovely person with toxic parents. And no matter what you deserve a chance to be happy.
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safetycar-restart · 1 year
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Shels what did you DO im obsessed with size queen seb now i literally cant think about anything else!!
And cuddling with a dildo in him?????? Hello yes please ????? Youd fuck him with a dildo through like three orgasms and just leave it there or maybe fuck him with a strap and then unclasp it from the harness so you can kinda be still in him but also get a better position for cuddles ??? ? Yes??? And then it would inevitably slip out because he is still so wet and loose there is no way for him to keep it in unless he can have some purchase against a pillow/your hand/your lap, and he would whine bc it slipped out and hes empty and no! no he cant be empty he refuses!! But also whine again when you push it back in because it got cold while it was out?? And he also doesnt want to wear panties or something to help keep it in place because its not as comfortable and also feels like cheating, he wants it to just magically stay there by itself why wouldnt it stay put 🥺
In short you get a very fussy lil size queen, but of course you dont mind one bit
🍋 lemkn 💜
I…. Oh my god this is so good. I am obsessed with this holy fuck. If we weren’t already married I’d ask for your hand in marriage again because fucking hell.
Of course he wants to keep the dildo inside!! He just got fucked so well, why on earth would be want to take the dildo out?! Thats unacceptable!!
It’s also VERY difficult to reason with Seb after you’ve fucked him so hard. Like you need to pull out a little so that you can unclip the dildo from the strap and he acts like you’re about to leave him for the next ten years, just whining and crying and begging you not to pull out.
No amount of reassurance that you’ll only pull out enough to be able to access where the dildo is clipped in and then you’ll put it right back inside helps. Because Seb has less than one braincell when he’s all fucked out.
You’ve heard of people having no object permanence? Well a fucked out Seb has no dildo permanence. If it’s not fully inside him then it’s GONE.
So eventually once you’ve managed to convince him to allow you to unclip the dildo, you do so and then quickly push it back inside and Seb is so happy!!! He’s all nice and full again!! And has of course completely forgotten about his mini meltdown.
But aw the poor thing he’s too wet and loose to keep the dildo inside!!! He tries so hard to keep it inside but you fucked him SO well and he’s still so wet and he really doesn’t have any chance of keeping it inside.
You’ve suggested a bigger dildo just so that he can have something that definitely won’t slip out, but Seb refuses because he insists that the dildo that stays inside him for post sex cuddles MUST be the dildo you used to fuck him.
Which means that whatever cuddling position you choose has to be one that allows you to have your hand between seb’s legs so that you can hold the dildo in place.
Seb won’t do it himself because 1) he can barely move his arms and 2) he’d start fucking himself with the dildo again.
So you have to become the certified dildo holder (he even gets a certificate made for you so the title of official).
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noisytenant · 3 months
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rambling personal/introspection i guess, positive-ish
while im not doing "well" in general ive been starting to feel a sense of peace and unburdening with some things.
i think that given the pain of living in certain conditions, it can feel unbearable to imagine going another day with things as they are. i spent so much of my life "waiting it out" that i felt like it would be a crime against myself to not respect my feelings and emotional needs as they came.
but when you set yourself on addressing these things, sometimes you get buried in a cacophony of calls to action, an endless stream of internal requests that often contradict each other. i thought that perhaps i could chart an efficient course to meeting the most needs with the least actions, but strategizing takes time away from action too.
so i'm trying to loosen up and not set a strict dogma for how and when things happen, so long as they comply with external needs (eg there is a ticking clock on how long i can go without income before major and bad life changes activate; i need to eat and sleep a certain amount every day). i'm trying not to be too hard on myself for not living up to expectations and to accept certain patterns of behavior, to be more curious and to not immediately problematize them.
for example i'm watching wordgirl a lot and it's somewhat avoidant, but it's also something that lubricates the meeting of other needs and makes me happy, so it's not a "bad" or even fully "maladaptive" strategy. just a complicated one.
in the time shortly before my breakup, something i feel like i have still only fractionally processed (and that's okay according to my hip new state of mind), i felt like there would be disastrous consequences for less-than-ideal behavior. knowing the relationship and my mental health were both on the ropes, i wanted really badly to do things the best way i knew how. but i think it kind of would have been okay if i did it any other way too. it would have sucked but been fine if we screamed at each other, it would have sucked but been fine if we stayed together, i think anything would have been okay because you have no choice but to live with your actions and keep acting forever
something i struggle a lot with is in committing to decisions vs. being flexible. big questions in the fight for agency. i can't prescribe a heuristic for deciding whether you stick to a principle or change your mind, but in the moment i'm basically going back to the strategy of, "i'm going to do things however i'm doing them until something gives way and makes me need to change paths". and i think that's a freeing sentiment, one i'm able to access because i'm no longer in a relationship--i don't need to worry for two. i hope in my future relationships, platonic and romantic, i can maintain a greater sense of security that is resilient to these shifting tides.
a big thing also is that i'm temporarily electing not to dig into introspection, something i've seen suggested but hadn't really understood and kind of resented. in practice i'm using it to mean, "the most dire parts of my inner world will communicate with me if they are relevant. given my immediate needs, it might be better to wait until i have more breathing room before consciously exploring things." so i'm trying not to worry about, for example, being a person who forgets parts of its own life and experience because those parts will come back to me in due time.
ultimately i'm trying to give in to spontaneity. a feeling is only intolerable if i cannot tolerate it; if i'm finding that i'm avoiding or dreading something, it might really be intolerable, but i am constantly reminded how easy it is to actually survive and persist throughout the pain (this is only my personal experience)
it's hard and hurts to know you're carrying these burdens that ache for release and you're unable to address them completely. i hope to be able to give myself the care i deserve sooner rather than later. but maintaining stability and progress is a kind of care too!
and that's the nature of living, isn't it? ultimately, i want to be honest with myself and others. it's evidently the case that i can't solve every problem of mine overnight just because it would be nice if i could. i think all of me (or most of me, let me not speak for everyone) can appreciate an honest "no i can't solve your ass indefinitely" over "sure honey just a minute [doesn't do anything]". so for the moment i'm happy to be here and hoping i will be in better circumstances soon.
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robo-ky888 · 6 months
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(Part 1 if you missed it)
Other reasons 
This will be sort of a rapid fire appreciation round so lets start off with Robo Ky mk2 who was a character exclusive to guilty gear isuka which was essentially smash bros but an actual fighting game. Something fully unique in this game and its ds version Dust Strikers is that you could fully customize your own Robo Ky mk 2 to give him any move in the game like potemkin buster or even moves like glitter is gold and ALL of them have unique animations. The animation team was essentially challenged to make either magical moves technical or random stuff made into things that made sense within this games context and they absolutely nailed it, for example, millia’s bad moon turns into a banana, testaments Zeinest turns into gum and so many more. I’ll include a video showing them all off in the description that I highly recommend you watch because some of these are absolutely beautiful. Another reason I like Robo Ky is just because he gives me the most laughs when playing him. For context, I typically main funny fighters in my games so faust in Xrd and Strive or guys like kuma in tekken and twelve in street fighter. While I do enjoy taking matches seriously, at the end of the day im here for a good time and Robo Ky always makes me laugh just with his fun gameplay and unorthodox moveset. In general i can't quite think of a character that i like playing more than Robo Ky which is saying a lot because i hop between characters a lot so if i stick to JUST one, that's impressive for someone like me. In general i also just like robot characters so the minute you tell me i can play a funny robot which an actually fun moveset, i'm all in. hes my most wanted fighter for STRIVE after all and while yeah, his story is basically wrapped up i would still love to see him return. Daisuke IS willing to bring back dead characters if it makes sense within the story and he wanted to put him in rev 2 but didn't due to how complex his moveset is so hey, i still have my hopes up. But yeah, that's everything extra i wanted to bring up about Robo Ky, for now at least.
Conclusions
So yeah, now you know why Robo Ky is my favorite character in media. Are there better picks? Probably,I mean I still love faust, bedman, venom and other characters in general and most of them have more story than Robo Ky so realistically i should be more attached to them and yet here i am, going on for over 4,000 words about why i love the silly robot guy. But I guess, he just clicked with me. I get a weird sense of happiness when i play him in accent core, see art of him, read the drama cd, watch the xrd cutscenes with him and even when i listen to his theme Holy Orders? Which is just ky’s theme but distorted, that is also another reason why i love him but i think this video has gone on long enough. To close out, I want to say that final line in the battle with bedman as it has remained as a quote I hold close to the heart. “Remember...you never laugh at another person's dreams. Words from the wise. If you follow this rule there's no need for such elaborate ideologies. People may disagree or even fight… but above all, they can connect. You just need to cool off for a bit.”
Sources
https://guiltygear.fandom.com/wiki/Robo-Ky
https://www.tumblr.com/gear-project/622048042515922944/robo-ky-sidestory-night-of-knives-drama-cd
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/sd6la5eo4j5isi2/AACKs8VViatiRqYlR7kKREDMa/GG%20-%20English%20Files/Robo-Ky%20Arc%20-%20Night%20of%20Knives%20Vol.1%20%5BEN%5D.pdf?dl=0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFgg6xCnjYs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbUDpz38kg&t=256s
https://guiltygear.fandom.com/wiki/Robo-Ky/Gallery 
If you made it all the way down here, thank you, I truly mean that. As I'm writing this I'm admittedly a bit worried of putting this out there but I really wanted to so I did it anyways. Thank you for reading, I know I can't show my appreciation, but it truly does mean the world to me.
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hxneydreamers · 1 year
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Please be my bff! Hxneydreamer fan
Hi Honey, I love your blog so much I finished it within a week, I didn’t skip any of it, I even wanted to print all of them and make it a book, so I can read it over and over again, even though I’m already watching one coaches which is DJ, I have my top 3 which is Sammy, Kim and Dylan, but I am sticking with him. I’m on my journey of building my self-concept, I manifested quite a lot now and I’m so proud of myself, I’ve had my ups and down since I started manifesting, but this particular one and you can guess it it’s about my SP, I really believe that I manifested him, and we’ve been seeing each other for a year now, long story short there’s a ghost involved you know what I mean, I don’t want even want to say that word lol. So, I admitted and I am fully aware that I manifested all the non desires one, I cried and cried, and he chose the ghost (NO HE IS MINE AND I KNOW HE IS COMING BACK) I am back now doing self-love and self-concept. But I reacted so bad I told my family, I shouldn’t be even asking you this question but, my sisters already bad mouth him or said something not nice about him e.g. I will find someone, he is not deserving, and you know the lot. It will not ruin my manifestation correct if I stay on my mental diet and my routine for manifestation, e.g. affirming, and the techniques that I’m doing? I feel like I want to stay in touch with you, because on your blog it feels like I know you and you are actually talking to us, it feels like you’re so close, and that’s why I wanted to talk to you in private and maybe be my bff lol I manifested that now! ♥
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I'm not sure who submitted this, but if it was you, here is your answer!
Firstly, this is so sweet and I'm so touched. It means a lot to me that my blog resonated with you and that it helped you on your journey!
Secondly, everything you just said, I can 100% relate. I've been through it all, especially the reacting and having my family say all that stuff. "You'll find someone better", "he doesn't deserve you" etc.
My biggest tip is, as always, focus on your self-concept, but ALSO focus on your limiting beliefs in relation to your desire too.
For example, my biggest fears with my SP were 3P's and that he would always find someone he wanted more than me. Then I realised this fear stemmed from my own insecurities, so I affirm things like 'no one compares to me' and 'i am irreplaceable' and 'i am always chosen BECAUSE no one compares to me' etc. This targets both my self-concept, my fears of not being the one chosen, and my limiting belief that SP would want someone else over me.
I would prioritise affirming these things for your self-concept, and then if your SP and the 'ghost' comes to your mind, just shrug and affirm 'nah, no one compares to me, im so irreplaceable that there could never be anyone else. im unbeatable' then go back to affirming for your self-concept.
If after that you still keep thinking about the 'ghost', just be kind to yourself. It's not going to ruin anything. Simply affirm, 'ok, if there ever was anyone else, they already broke up, because no one compares to me and im so frustratingly unforgettable, unbeatable and irreplaceable that SP could not even think about being with anyone else. i'm THAT good'. Then go back to your affirmations.
Either way, you just need to persist in your self-concept affirmations, and the affirmations linked to your limiting beliefs and doubts. Just persist, self-talk and self-concept is everything. Everyone is you pushed out, so if you become the version of you that no one can compare to, then your 3D will shift to reflect that, and you will get your desire.
Keep persisting and putting yourself first! Prioritise your self-concept over doing techniques and affirming for SP! It's all about you, after all! <3
If you need anything else, please dm me! Happy to be your manifestation bestie!
xxxxx
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tuiyla · 1 year
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this one’s a long one but saw you talking about the tslocg finale and i have to some things to say (if u don’t mind)
im really upset with how they handled the leighton x tatum situation. like fine, maybe tatum was always meant to be a steppingstone for leighton’s eventual understanding for who and what she’s really looking for in a partner. i never really imagined them to be endgame, especially because leighton’s a freshman and she has plenty of time to explore relationships. break ups happen and their split is really far from the actual issue. a lot of actions just felt very out of character/unfair and the rushed pacing really didn’t make anything settle any better. i mean really what was the purpose of building up tatum’s (jackson’s tbh) characters and qualities just to rip them away in literal minutes.
obviously the show’s pacing has always been a major issue, but there’s never been a mention of the women’s center ever since leighton and alicia ended things so why are we acting like leighton and the other volunteers (employees ?) were so close. it just doesn’t make sense that leighton, who was literally so awful toward the women’s center last season, would be so quickly to dismiss someone who wasn’t fully understanding the significance of it/its members. i mean leighton, of all people, should understand that the environment is one that takes getting used to especially coming from such a privileged, conservative background. perhaps it was the annoyance of having to volunteer there, but leighton’s initial reactions were arguably worse than tatum’s little comments.
it just sucked to see tatum being so patient and willing to work things out with leighton even when she was closeted (which yk, bar is on the floor but still very sweet in comparison to alicia’s reaction) and tatum’s reassurance to leighton lying about the gallery party and doing so much to impress her. but god forbid tatum show some poor qualities, and now leighton immediately dismisses her and their relationship. it’s just really cruel for her to have zero grace for tatum’s ignorance when she was, again, far worse last season. i really don’t mind alicia, but #justicefortatum because leighton really just ignored the literal heartbreak and trauma that alicia caused her but drew the line at tatum making some (distasteful) comments when she really could’ve shown her the same patience everyone at the center showed her last sem.
all of the sensitivities she learned about the members of the center and the relationships she built with everyone there took time!!! but she refused to give tatum that :/ she really had more patience with that conservative kappa alumni than she did her own girlfriend.
(and just realistically it made sense to keep tatum around because at least midori is busy with grey’s now, gracie deserves to be booked too!!)
ps: maybe it’s the santana lopez/quinn fabray supremacist in me but a mean girl never really hurt anybody so my girl tatum deserved a better ending
By all means preach away Anon because I'm clearly not over it either. So frustrating when a story could work but it's so lazily done. And I am starting to call it lazy because I know they can do better and I don't see why the writers weren't willing to leave Leighton's story on a sort of cliffhanger like with the other girls. Why did we need a speedrun of this in two episodes? Really cheapens her character and I hate saying that because I love Leighton and I would love to be wholeheartedly happy for her.
I agree, it didn't seem fair and you're so right that Tatum was hardly anything like Leighton was beginning of last season. And okay fair, maybe Leighton doesn't wanna put in the emotional labour of educating someone like she was educated. But then bitch patiently explains inclusive language to gen x Kappas! And it's not like this was Tatum's third strike or anything. Hate to say it but the way it was written makes Leighton seem like she was looking for a reason to dump Tatum because Alicia reentered the picture. And I know it in my bones that wasn't the intention, but intentions don't mean much to me when you lower your standards of writing. Can you tell I'm really mad when writers choose laziness haha.
It's so convenient for the show to act like it's been building on where we left Leighton at the end of season 1 but it hasn't and it can't lie to me. Leighton has not been missing the women's center or its peeps, that's a big fat lie. Not once did she indicate otherwise. And to be clear I don't have an issue with Alicia nor do I wanna get into the dead horse convo of her breakup with Leighton, but it's true that Tatum proved herself to be understanding, patient, and reassuring, only to be discarded like that because she's a fraction of how rude Leighton used to be.
Had they portrayed her as a bitch all this time and gave any signs that Leighton was uncomfortable with that, fine. I'd still find it a little uninspired but I would have bought the whole "foil to Leighton" thing. But that didn't happen! They just pulled that out of their ass at the last minute. I mean ffs they discussed a safe word 😭 Cause Leighton presumably knew very well that this wasn't Tatum's scene. And you won't hear me say that Tatum wasn't being bitchy, but my god was it really that bad that with no preamble she deserves that talking to and dumping? I don't think so. The writers didn't create the bitch they thought they did in Tatum, not in her relationship with Leighton. And if one more person says we were just "blinded by the chemistry of Gracie and Reneé" I'm THROWING HANDS. Fuck you, I know what I saw, I know what was actually written. I care about storytelling and this was ain't it.
So you could say I also have some things to say, Anon. Idk where they're going with this, if Leighton and Alicia are gonna breakup early on in season 3 anyway. I truly don't much care for that because I think the damage to Leighton's ch has already been done and it's not like Alicia was the cause of that or anything. I'm just bummed that instead of seeing her arc unfold organically in season 3 we had this lackluster speedrun and now, what? I'm sure they have plans for her but now every time she gets on her high horse it will feel empty. Unlike her friendships with her roommates, Leighton's change of heart here did not feel like a natural progression at all. And I love me a bitch with a heart of gold, like, loooooooove, but goddam give her time.
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bonesandthebees · 8 months
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on the topic of names, this is a random thing but idk just thinking about the meaning of names n stuff brought this up but i actually changed my last name legally !! (just this year, after my 19th bday pog)
i obvi won't say what but i will say i changed it to like . a word. not a name. i have an obsession w words with obscure meanings (like petrichor <3) and i've never felt connected to my last name... like i actually disliked it LMAO idk i just never liked how it sounded and whenever i looked at my full name i thought it just kinda . idk i never liked it
but ever since changing it to a name i chose, i just... i love it. i look at my name fully written out and it makes me so happy waefjwael I was a little nervous that it would just look weird and my entireee family was like "omg what if u change ur mind tho and hate it?!?!" even though i was pretty certain i wouldnt care, but yeah ever since i actually got the document back, there's been no regrets. it's one of the best decisions i've ever made. it's really helped me feel more comfortable in my identity n stuff.
i've had so many ppl question why i did it though lmaooo, theyre all just like "u can do that..." like yep! u can just change ur name for no reason lol. i mean . it gets annoying with having to tell all the gov places n stuff, but otherwise it's pretty simple lmaooo. def better to do it when ur young though bc then u have less places to tell
but yeah sometimes when im explaining to ppl why i did it, i get flashbacks to u talking about why you love writing stuff about names lmaooo /pos but yeah:)) just to say that i also really resonate with names having meaning n stuff hehehe
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(yes I combined these two asks since they seemed pretty similar, the screenshot is technically the first one)
oh that sounds like such an interesting class!! it's always fascinating to learn different cultures history behind names. I love the idea of earning a name that's the same as a family member representing that you're sharing an identity, and also the fact that you can lose a name depending on your actions
also that's so cool that you changed your name!! I think changing your last name to a word is a REALLY cool idea. also, while I've heard plenty about people wanting to change their first names, you don't really hear about people wanting to change their last names that often? but like, I get it. I actually don't go by my legal last name that often unless I have to, or at least not my full one. I have two last names but I only ever use one of them in my daily life, and whenever I hear the other one used it really bothers me. there's a whole lot of reasoning for this I won't get into because it's personal but the gist is that my mom added my second last name legally for me when I was 11, and so up until that point I only had ever gone by one last name. and the timing of when that legal paperwork happened coincided with a lot of major things happening in my life, so I associate the person I was with that original last name as being a lot different than who I am now. now I only go by the second last name my mom added on for me and I hate when people use my original last name.
long winded way to say I get it, and I'm so glad you're happy with your name now!! you gotta love that you can literally just change your name if you want. one of my closest friends from college did that. I don't think she's gone through the legal hassle, but she uses a different first name than her birth one now which she started doing during covid. there's no reason for it. she's cis and she doesn't have any trauma attached to her old name or anything. she just didn't like it. who cares y'know? make yourself happy.
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quaranmine · 1 year
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alright, stats time. numbers! percentages! analysis!
GO ME! i finished my writing challenge last night. though i have done them before, i have never had a 30 day streak--my longest was 11 days, previously.
NANOWRIMO "GOAL": 50k words in a month. lol nope i didn't even plan to do that but that's the perspective i'm putting the post in
MY GOAL: add 30k to IBW.
fail. i added 5.2k to IBW in the end, the equivalent of finishing just one chapter. basically, I completed 17% of my goal. not something I'm happy about but i did inevitably mostly get past a thing that was giving me trouble.
MY SECOND GOAL: add 30k aggregated to any projects
total word count: 21,366. that's techinically a fail but i'm not gonna count it because i reached 70% of my target wordcount AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!! 70 is a passing grade afterall :] if we want to put this in perspective of nano, i basically completed 40% of nano, which is great for a first-ever run (especially since i have never completed a 50k fic so far, let alone in a month. baby steps for me, i just do not write that quickly.)
MY THIRD GOAL: write something every day
SUCCESS! i did do that and i am very proud of it. it was shockingly hard sometimes. during the challenge i was like "i am never doing this again" and now literally less than a day after im like "hm i should do this again next year!" why am i like this? who knows!
So, let's look at other stats.
Number of fics worked on: four. (IBW, grumbot fic mainly, hitchhiker's au, and tumble town gothic)
Fanfic started and completed within the month: do you see no ghosts in me at all? (13,651 words). This means that ~64% of my time was spent on this fanfic, compared to any others (if we go by word count, as i don't remember which days specifically were used on this versus the others)
Average daily wordcount: 712 words. again, to reach the 30k goal i needed roughly 1k on average per day, so this is again about 70% of that. It is worth noting that my average for my last writing challenge in the spring was 548, so I did much better on average this month despite being forced to do it in a much longer streak. that's probably because the 0 wordcount days in the last challenge dragged the average down, so writing every day helped me a lot.
Lowest daily WC: 131
Highest daily WC: 1897
i think both of those were the same fic actually (grumbot fic.) the low wordcounts mostly represented lack of time, as i would stop writing whenever it got so late that i started falling asleep midsentence. however low wordcounts on IBW mostly represent lack of inspiration, except for the day 30, where it represented research.
all in all, i think it was a successful challenge. i'm still in writing mode and was already thinking about what i could do tonight, which is great because like...i am no longer beholden to this challenge but am still wanting to keep going (i'll just likely not force myself to do anything anymore if it's like 11:30pm and i havent done anything. i will just go to bed instead.)
the main lesson here is that i can Do Things when i want to really force myself to do, which is good because i often doubt my own abilities especially in connection with my writing. it's very personal compared to other stuff i do, so i very much love and appreciate everybody's support and kind reviews because i straight up would not be here or doing any of this without you. like i would have just gone back to hide under a rock lol.
i feel like completing these challenges gives me a lot more confidence in myself and my abilities, and gives me momentum to make consistent progress on my works even when things are a little rough. sometimes in writing you just Gotta Do It even if there isnt much inspiration, because it'll unlock the way for other scenes where you DO have inspiration.
now then. if someone can tell me why i was able to fully complete inktober for two years in a row, and pull off two of these writing challenges in one year, but CAN'T stick with actual responsible adult habits--
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evelinaeswua · 1 year
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Discovery Of My Life In The Realms
Hello everyone! In this post today I will talk about how I found out I was from the realms and the steps I took to get where I am today. I found out about the realms back in 2020 when my mother Veivane told me she was dating sesshomaru at the time. I was extremely shocked. I couldn’t tell you how far my jaw dropped to the floor. Ever since I was younger when I was middle school, I was so into spells and I would do spells that I found on the internet not knowing it was fake until I got older and was told about it. I also did a mermaid spell after I had gotten into this amazing show called H20 just add water. I was super into supernatural beings from Vampires, Werewolves, Mermaids and etc. After I got told about the realms and how sesshomaru was dating my mom, this was also the same year where my mom took me to her kingdom for the first time and invited me to live in the mansion with her. Of course I said yes. 
A year later after finding out about the realms, I did training for me to go up there willingly. This was in 2021. Mind you, I didn't know that I was even from there until later on but anyways for me to do the training in the realms, my sister star had to carry me there and sometimes my mom would carry me there too. It took me less than two years for me to master that ability and while that was going on my memory was extremely fuzzy however sometimes I would remember bits and pieces and would randomly get this strong feeling that I was in the realms. This lasted for a few years. 
Back in 2022, towards the middle of that year when I used to live with Veivane on earth, I had training with my sisters Sesshia and Star up there that night so when I had slept but was woken up for a bit I had told her I had saw me wielding a sword made of fire and she told me that my sisters were working on how to wrap your sword in fire. I couldn’t believe it. My memory was slowly getting better. 
In that same year, my memory has started to not become as fuzzy around the middle of august of 2022 and it was also the same year that I found out I was from the realms. Veivane and I had to mediate together for her to find out if I have any parents in the realms who had sent me down to earth and it turns out that I do. She found out that I had a mother named Jarmani who is from the realm of Roha. She’s an elemental witch and she had sent me down to earth to protect me. I’ve spoken to her once since veivane allowed her to posses her body. She talked about how she's thankful that Veivane and Sesshomaru had taken me in because without those two, I wouldn’t have a family. I also found out that I had a father named Alex who is also from Roha. He’s a sanguine vampire which basically means he feeds from blood. Since Alex and Jaramani were my biological parents, that makes me witch and vampire in the realms. (They’re no longer my parents. I got their dna removed from me so I’m now a full Lyricanian and demon)
 Then in 2023, I was able to fully go there on my own and my memories has improved over the last few years. I’m able to remember everything but I need to focus and the memories will come to me with ease. It’s been such a long journey but I have met wonderful people along the way. I even met my boyfriend, Callea. I met him through veivane who introduced me to him on September 28, 2022 and we’ve been dating since then. He’s honestly such a wonderful person and im so thankful that I've met him. He’s everything I could ever want. I even met Coran and Zara who are my two sister’s biological parents. When I had met them for the first time, I was incredibly happy because they are the current Kings and Queens of duhsterra and meeting them was such an honor and also because their my step-parents as well. They are wonderful people. I love both my lyricanian family so very much! I can’t thank my family enough for being by my side and making me smile each and everyday. You all hold a place in my heart forever and always.
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