#If I Ran The Zoo

[thecreaturecodex]

Rokurokubi

"Yokai and Kami" © ArtStation user "Mamslick", accessed at his gallery here

[I didn't much care for the Pathfinder 1e version of the rokurokubi. Not that it's a bad monster; it's a fun take on the rokurokubi as a hag. But it's not a good representation of the actual folkloric entity. The rokurokubi is one of many yokai that seem to exist as a way of entertaining male anxieties about women, particularly in the context of a society as patriarchal as Edo period Japan. So many yokai look like beautiful women... but then they getcha! And a lot of them getcha because you deserved it. These yokai start as humans, and then form from the abused, the neglected and the downtrodden. These people don't have a real voice in society, but turning into a monster lets them act out. Sound familiar?

Which is why, even though the Paizo's 2e rokurokubi has acceptable art, I'm not using it. Because it's a man, and rokurokubi are women in the stories nine times out of ten. Plus, I'm posting this for Monster Girl Summer.]

Rokurokubi CR 3 CN Monstrous Humanoid This woman is beautiful, but clearly monstrous, as she has a neck that is twice the length of the rest of her body.

A rokurokubi is a cursed creature that represents the adage “turnabout is fair play”. The misdeeds of a person, particularly a wealthy, egotistical and stingy one, can cause their child, lover or other person close to them to become a rokurokubi. This especially occurs if the person to become a rokurokubi is abused, as it empowers them to strike back at their tormentor. Rather than sleep, the newly formed yokai begins to play pranks in the night, anything from drinking all the lamp oil to startling people by peering around corners to inflicting bloody wounds. They prefer to ruin lives and reputations rather than kill, at least initially. Most rokurokubi end up quite enjoying their new state, and move around in society after having dealt with their initial oppressor.

Many rokurokubi live their lives as uninhibited and hedonistic people most of the time, revealing their monstrosity in order to get something they want or to lash out at someone who is rude to them. Their necks can be as short as that of an ordinary (albeit willowy) person, or as long as a constrictor serpent's whole body. Their teeth are sharp and inflict bloody wounds, and they are experts at scaring people. Perhaps the strangest ability of a rokurokubi is its ability to drink oil and heal from it. Even alchemical bombs can be swallowed safely, if the rokurokubi manages to catch them in their teeth.

Rokurokubi can form from any type of humanoid, although most of them are human. In patriarchal societies, women more frequently turn into rokurokubi than men, but any sex and gender is possible. They have the lifespan ordinary to members of their original species. A few rokurokubi reject this, making pacts with shadowy powers for immortality—these are the universally sinister rokurobabas.

Rokurokubi           CR 3 XP 800 CN Medium monstrous humanoid Init +4; Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +8 Defense AC 15, touch 14, flat-footed 11 (+4 Dex, +1 natural) hp 25 (3d10+9) Fort +4, Ref +8, Will +7 Immune sleep Defensive Abilities drink oil Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee bite +6 (1d4+3 plus bleed), 2 claws +6 (1d3+3) Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft. (10 ft. with bite) Special Attacks bleed (1d4), threatening lunge Statistics Str 16, Dex 19, Con 16, Int 15, Wis 16, Cha 19 Base Atk +3; CMB +6; CMD 20 Feats Combat Reflexes (B), Deceitful, Persuasive Skills Bluff +9, Diplomacy +9, Disguise +9, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (local) +4, Perception +8, Stealth +9 Languages Common, Senzar, one cultural language SQ adjust neck Ecology Environment urban Organization solitary or circle (2-5) Treasure standard Special Abilities Adjust Neck (Ex) As a move action, a rokurokubi can dramatically change the length of its neck. If it reels its neck in, it loses its reach with its bite attack, but gains a +8 racial bonus to Disguise checks to appear as its original species. If it extends its neck, it gains an additional 10 feet of reach with its bite attack, and can ignore cover when making a bite attack. Drink Oil (Su) As an immediate action, a rokurokubi can attempt to catch a thrown flask of oil, alchemist’s fire or alchemical bomb in its mouth. It makes a Reflex save with a +2 racial bonus against a DC equal to the attack roll made with the flask. If it succeeds, it takes no damage and instead heals 1 hit point per die of damage that would ordinarily be dealt. Threatening Lunge (Ex) If a rokurokubi extends its neck and makes a bite attack in the same turn, it can make an Intimidate check to demoralize the opponent it bites as a free action with a +2 racial bonus.

#rokurokubi #yokai #monster girl #monster girl summer #japanese folklore #pathfinder 1e #pathfinder 2e #if i ran the zoo #i take a hammer and fix the canon

[georgi-girl]

Way too late for Day of the Dead but here's my Coco recast!

I call it "Cindy's Song". starring...

EB (Green Eggs And Ham) as the child who wants to be a musician-magician.

Pam-I-Am (The Second Serving) as the grandmother. I'm doing weird stuff with the family tree.

Michelle (Green Eggs And Ham) as the Mama (because

Sam-I-Am (Green Eggs And Ham) as the secret great-great-grandfather. Perfect roll for him.

Guy-Am-I (Green Eggs And Ham) as the great-great grandmother. He's a trans man.

Wander (Wander Over Yonder) as the Great Grandfather.

Sylvia (Wander Over Yonder) as the Papa. She's a trans woman.

Bendy (Bendy and the Ink Machine) as the famous musician-magician.

Glunz (Green Eggs And Ham) as the cheerful great Aunt. (Wander's sister)

Guy's Brothers (I call them Eli and Levi) as the great-great uncles.

MkWInkle (Green Eggs And Ham) as the serios great aunt (Pam's brother)

The Cat in the Hat as Juan (the guy with braces)

The ten-legged lion (If I Ran The Zoo) as Pepita.

Mr. Jenkins (Green Eggs And Ham) as Dante

and

Cindy Lou Who as the Great Grandmother. (Don't know what she'd look like as an adult)

original meme belongs to blaze-on-fire on Deviantart.

#recast meme #movie recast #pixars coco #dr seuss #green eggs and ham #wander over yonder #bendy and the ink machine #if i ran the zoo #the cat in the hat #how the grinch stole christmas

[nonstandardrepertoire]

fuck it, i'm bored and don't want to work on my opera, here's a post that's been in my head for ages about my premise for Entirprise, but actually good

so like obviously the first season is just them building the ship. the writers knew it at the time, it was always obviously the right call, UPN just thought they could get seasons 15 to 21 of The Next Generation and it was bad. the first season is them building the ship, you get to know the characters, and you get to know the geopolitical situation, both on Earth and with the Earth/Vulcan relationship

and then you launch right into the thick of Andoria and Vulcan gearing up for a horrific interstellar war. you do not introduce a new random alien species we have never heard of every week, because we are in the heart of what will become Federation territory and seriously, what happened to all of those people Enterprise encountered? why have we never heard from any of them in chronologically subsequent Stars Trek? (the Doylist answer is obvious here, it's the Watsonian one that i'm interested in.) you also do Not introduce the Klingons (or not yet, anyway), because if their space empire is so old and also so close to Earth, why have they not . . . conquered Earth already. (this also spares you from having to address the brow ridges thing, but also like, you can just not address that. you can just ignore it. it is not a thing that you have to deal with literally ever oh my g-d TV makeup capabilities change in 20+ years, it's fine, we can move on)

anyway, we launch into a Tense interstellar moment in our neighborhood and Archer is like "hey uh. what if, instead of war, you tried . . . talking?", and this is where i need to step back and talk about my Secret Worldbuilding Headcanon for the Star Trek universe

ok ok ok ok ok so first of all, let us suppose there are two big patterns that play out in a general way on planets that develop sentient life: on some, there's really only a small habitable range, so the developing sentient species in question spends a long time as effectively a single community, at least until they render the technology necessary to make more of their planet habitable. on other planets, you get a whole bunch of habitable territory, and developing species spread out and develop a lot of different cultures. often, as on Earth, these different cultural groups come into conflict with each other. in some cases, this conflict leads to extinction, and in some cases it leads to one group that is militarily successful taking over the planet wholesale. when this culture then takes to the stars, they continue the pattern, and this is how you get the roots of the Klingon and Romulan empires

this neatly explains the predominance of planetary monocultures, but i think it can also help explain why there seem to be so many interplanetary conflicts that devolve into attempted or successful planet-scale genocides. (and like! we see a lot of these across the various shows of the franchise! the galaxy is full of death and destruction!) because i think a lot of those species that follow that first pattern effectively won't have any experience in dealing diplomatically with cultures that are truly different from them. sure, they may have had civil wars and other kinds of internal conflict, but they would still have been in conflict with beings that were fundamentally similar to theirs. so like, they have diplomacy, theoretically, but we would consider it very rudimentary and pro forma — Vulcan and Andoria try talking, sure, but like, they are Very bad at it, and that is what sets them on the path to war, and having not had conflicts on a planetary scale, they don't have a strong sense of Just How Bad things can get, and the temptation to escalate to the point of war crimes is . . . strong

but! Earth has just come thru WWIII/the Eugenics Wars and has, very unusually, galactically speaking, managed to do so with a good deal of cultural diversity intact. and we have, Finally, figured out how to negotiate a lasting, durable, global peace. so when a mostly human crew launches out into our interstellar neighborhood and finds two planets on the brink of what has the potential for being a nasty little war, said crew is like "fuck no, absolutely not, you may not understand how bad a war like this can really get, but we do, because we have just been thru yet another one in our long and bloody history, and we are not willing to stand by and let you stumble into the same horrors we just ended"

and that, not "being sort of logical but also sort of emotional" or "the ability to work thru trauma" is the contingent historical fact that makes Earth a key catalyst for the creation of the Federation. because we have strong, direct, recent experience with existential planetary war and also the specific honed ability to negotiate with people very different from ourselves to prevent it

so season 2 is all about talking Andoria and Vulcan down from blowing each other out of the sky. we're not at the Federation yet, but we are starting to lay the very low-level groundwork

then you can have a third season where you sort of do an entwined Terra Prime/Kir'Shara arc on Earth and Vulcan across the third season — on the Earth side, you can pick up on the political groundwork laid in the first season to explore reactions to (including backlash against) Earth becoming something of a diplomatic somebody in the stellar neighborhood while Vulcan is going "who are these 'humans' to start meddling in our affairs?" and etc etc etc i haven't pinned this out beat by beat but the Themes are there and i think they actually mesh really nicely together, especially if you give them a little more space to breathe (you could even bring in the Aenar in a more sustained way if you wanted to keep Andoria in the mix — "how do you organize a planetary political system when you have two polities that are not that intreested in merging?" is genuinely an interesting question to explore, i think, and could be a nice antidote to some of TNG's "one world government only" weirdness)

anyway if you want to do more seasons here probably you can, but the last season can still be actually building the Federation, leading up to the signing of the charter — give us the geopolitics of it! give us the delicate high-stakes negotiations! have somebody walk away from the table completely! idk, make compelling television!

and in all this, instead of having Archer be Generic Starfleet Good Boy #47 (into, uh, "guy who does torture a bunch"), you can lean into the idea that Vulcans and Andorians kind of look down on humans as incompetent newcomer rubes to the interstellar playing field: have Archer be folksy and charming, but clever, good at luring people into the positions he wants them in by letting them underestimate him and then outfoxing them, very "oh gosh, you seem to have wound up in an unwinnable diplomatic pickle, how convenient that we can get you out of it :)" or w/e. he can have a character that's very distinct from Kirk, Picard, Sisko, or Janeway without being the Vaguely Racist Guy Who Punches Diplomats

also make Hoshi and T'Pol gay you cowards ok bye

#let's take a walk thru these here stars #Enterprise #if I ran the zoo #thinky thoughts #this one is definitely for #sigmastolen #Star Trek #worldbuilding

[classic-nicktoon-pictures]

If I Ran The Zoo (Ren & Stimpy style)

Here's Dr. Seuss's If I Ran The Zoo (which is now out of print) in the style of Ren & Stimpy to celebrate Read Across America Day.

"If I ran the zoo," Ren declared to Stimpy with glee, "I'd turn it all 'round, just you wait and see. This zoo is okay," Ren said with a scoff, "But with us in charge, it'll be totally off!"

"The guy running it now," said Stimpy, a bit dazed, "He's proud of his zoo, but it's time it's crazed." Ren nodded and grinned, "It's time for a spree, To make this zoo wild, just like it should be."

"If I ran the zoo," said Ren, eyes wide with delight, "We'd toss out the norms and bring in the bizarre, just right. No more lions or bears, that's all old news, We'll fill it with other fine creatures we can choose."

"The lions and tigers, oh, how utterly drear, In this zoo right now, it's just so last year! Ren & Stimpy don't settle for the old, you see, We want something new, something wild and crazy!"

"I'd throw wide the gates, break every lock, Release all the animals in a wild shock. This would be our style, we'll start fresh and new, With beasts stranger still, in our crazy zoo!"

"A standard lion's mundane, not much of a thrill, The one in our zoo will give quite the chill! Ten feet, at least, on this feline's frame, Five on the left, five on the right, no two the same!"

Ren declared with a grin, Stimpy by his side, A lion like no other, on this wild ride. "People will gawk, and they'll shout in delight, 'What a peculiar lion, oh, what a sight!'"

Ren & Stimpy, the new zookeepers in town, Turning the old ways completely upside down. A lion with legs in multiples of five, A creature so odd, it's truly alive!

"People will stare, their jaws on the floor, At the strangest lion, they've never seen before. The Zoo Keeper, New Keeper, we'll be called so keen, For the gol-darndest lion, a sight to be seen!"

"My zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, will turn heads around, A place so bizarre, where the strange are found. The oddest creatures that ever did waddle, In our zoo, where craziness is the model."

"I'll find, for my zoo, a peculiar bird of the day, Who nests on the tail of another, in a curious way. One on the tail of another, and another again, In an endless loop, a feathered chain."

Ren chuckled and said, "Not just any old bird, But a weird one, unheard, that's our word. A bird on the tail, in a stack that's tall, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, where oddities call."

Stimpy scratched his head, pondering the notion, "A bird on a bird, a chain in motion? Upward and onward, gee whizz indeed, Our zoo's the place for every peculiar breed!"

Ren nodded in agreement, with a sly little grin, In their zoo of wonders, where oddities win. "My New Zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, the talk of the town, With creatures so strange, they'll never live down!"

"But that's just the kickoff, I'll aim for a feat, Next day in my hat, a zoo-keeper so neat. Entering the zoo with a grand, wild treat, Behold the Elephant-Horse, a creature so sweet!"

Ren grinned with pride, Stimpy by his side, A spectacle to behold, with the Elephant-Horse in stride. Surprising the crowd, making them all go numb, Asking, "Where does he find creatures that glum?"

"The faces so odd, on animals so rare, They must come from places bizarre, I declare. In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, the unusual graces, A collection hunted in the oddest of places!"

The Elephant-Horse paraded with grace, A creature so peculiar, the talk of the place. People gasped, their gum nearly swallowed, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, where the strange wallowed.

Ren chuckled and said, "They'll talk without cease, About our zoo's wonders, the oddities, the beast. My New Zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, a sensation so hum, With creatures so strange, they'll never be done!"

"And that's my grand plan," declared Ren with a grin, "To catch walruses rare, where the cold winds begin. To places unknown, no others dare tread, In my Skeegle-mobile, with the chill overhead."

"You have to get cold, you have to get wet, To find walruses odd, a species not met. Up past the North Pole, where the icy winds squeal, In my Skeegle-mobile, I'll make a bold deal."

Ren & Stimpy ventured where few dared to roam, In search of walruses, their zoo's future home. Through frost and through snow, in the cold and the chill, To bring back a family, that's their thrill.

"Not just any walrus, a peculiar show, With tusks and with blubber, a what-do-you-know! That's how my New Zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, will grow, In the frozen winds' howl, in the ice and the snow."

Ren smiled at Stimpy, "To the cold we'll be bound, In our Skeegle-mobile, a zoo to astound. Through the frost and the freeze, where the winds always blow, Ren & Stimpy's zoo, with walruses in tow!"

"I'll trek the heights of Zomba-ma-Tant, With helpers in pants so baggy, so avant. Capturing a fluffster, not Bustard but new, A bird that craves cheesecake, oh, how it'll do!"

Ren declared with zeal, Stimpy all set, In baggy pants, they embarked, no regret. A creature named Cheesetard, the talk of the hill, Eating cheesecake with relish, a flavor thrill!

"And also a beast, not the Flustard of yore, But the Pickletard, a creature to adore. Feeding on pickles with a sauce so sweet, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, a grand foodie feat!"

Through the mountains they hiked, with baggy pants swaying, Cheesetard and Pickletard, their zoo was displaying. Not mustard, but sweetness, a sauce so divine, In their zoo, where odd creatures always entwine.

"I'll snag 'em in caves, I'll snag 'em in creeks, In crannies and nooks, where the mystery peaks. Not in countries well-known, not in common lore, But in a realm like Bazzle-wa-Dazzle-more."

"In a place quite obscure, where the names twist and twirl, Like the country of Bazzle-wa-Dazzle-more, my new-found world. In a land so peculiar, if a hunter is clever, He'll discover odd beasts, like no one saw ever!"

Ren & Stimpy, the duo so keen, Ventured to Bazzle-wa-Dazzle-more, the unseen. Through caves and through brooks, in crannies they looked, In their zoo of wonders, where odd creatures are hooked.

"I'll fill up five boats with a herd of Boophers, With feet like giraffes, wearing bamboo-fur coofers. They'll sit like hippos but squawk like a loon, Excepting the high notes, they'll sing out of tune."

"And then I'll head down to the Isles of Vineyard-Martha, To capture a family of Squonks, a peculiar saga. In a bucket they'll go, in a wild endeavor, To join Ren & Stimpy's zoo, growing forever."

Ren smirked with glee, Stimpy by his side, Off to Vineyard-Martha, on this wild tide. A creature so odd, a Squonk in a pail, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, a bizarre tale.

"People will cheer, say 'That boy's quite a find, His New Zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, expands the mind. He captures them wild, and he captures them meek, Slim and sleek, the collection is unique. What do you suppose he will capture next week?"

"I'll snag one petite. I'll snag one so sweet. A yak so delightful, no hunter would greet. A yak so charming, it could share your bed, If not for those horns, resting on its head."

"And talking of horns, a twist quite absurd, A family of deer, with antlers unheard. A father, a mother, two sisters, a brother, With separate antlers, like no other."

Ren chuckled and said, "Their antlers are wild, Not conjoined but mixed, a peculiar style. So tangled and twined, they can't tell them apart, Can't say where they end, can't say where they start."

Each deer was puzzled, in a horned disarray, Never knowing whose antlers were on display. A mystery to them, a horned enigma, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, a peculiar stigma.

"I'll nab them all chubby and some a bit bony, A high-stepping creature, a Desert Dervony. Fast as the wind, from the scorching Zind, A majestic steed, the chieftains would find."

Ren declared with a grin, Stimpy with pride, Off to the desert, where the winds ride. A creature so swift, in a wild sprint, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, a steed with a hint.

"This beast, oh, the beast, that chieftains adore, Riding swiftly to hide, a steed they implore. A Desert Dervony, in my zoo it'll prance, And a chieftain as well, in this wild dance."

Through the blistering sands, where the heat's unkind, Ren & Stimpy ventured, with the Desert Dervony they find. A steed so fine, and a chieftain so true, In their zoo, where the peculiar and the wild grew.

"In the wild Ignorama, in the north-eastern glow, Lives a creature so fine, known as the Lummox, you know. Not the Iota, but a beast of grander design, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, a wonder so fine."

Ren declared with a smirk, Stimpy by his side, Venturing to Ignorama, where the Lummox does bide. A creature so peculiar, in a region so grand, In their zoo of wonders, in the far-off land.

"People will marvel, by thunder, they'll say, This New Zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, is a wonder today! With the Lummox so fine, in our collection so vast, In Ignorama's embrace, where the peculiar is cast."

"In lands of the Gritty Kitty, where danger may gleam, Some are too fierce, not fit for a dream. For those ugly and mean, with fur that is gritty, I'll construct a Gritty-Kitty-Catching-Machine."

Ren declared with a grin, Stimpy wide-eyed, A machine to catch Gritty Kitties, oh my! Expensive it might be, a pricey kit, But with it, no hunter will suffer a hit.

"It's a Gritty-Kitty-Catcher, so fine and so neat, For those nasty kitties with paws and with teeth. A machine to ensure no harm is near, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, where danger we clear."

"A zoo needs bugs," Ren said with a glare, "So, I'll grab a Twizzlebug, with legs in a snare. Then off I'll go, with a capturing glee, To snag some Snazzybugs, as odd as can be."

"Keen-shooter, mean-shooter, bean-shooter bugs, The Chomp-a-lots, with their mandibles in hugs. I'll round them up, with skill and with luck, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, where the bugs run amok."

"I'll voyage to the Asian island of Zanka, Bring home a Frizzle-crested Tropic Tonka. A bird so peculiar, with a neck quite long, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, where oddities throng."

"His neck stretches out, oh, what a sight, If he swallows an almond on a November night. It travels so slow, in a loop-de-loop, Reaching his stomach by the Fourth of June."

"I'll nab a grand bug, oh, it's quite thrilling, A critter with rotors, for soaring and chilling. A feller with a helicopter hat, From Texas to Boston, just imagine that!"

Ren grinned with delight, Stimpy full of cheer, Off to the skies, where the bug would appear. A bug with a chopper, making daring hops, In Ren & Stimpy's zoo, where excitement never stops.

"And after that feat, the next thing I'll seize, A wild Chess-Mate-Cat, with moves that please. X's that win and Zeros that lose, In Ren & Stimpy's Zoo, where oddity ensues."

Ren declared with pride, Stimpy by his side, Off to the wilds, where the Chess-Mate-Cat would abide. In their zoo of wonders, where games came alive, With creatures so odd, in a whimsical dive.

"I'll fetch a Hoggle, a Hoot, and a Hatcher, And also a Huff from the wilds of Hatchett. And eight Indian Princes will carry the basket, But their names, my dear, I'm afraid I can't grasp it."

"In a den in Zamkara lives a creature named Snatch, No other hunter dared to try to catch. Hidden for years with a grumpy old pout, No coaxing could make him venture out."

"But I've got a plan with a meal so divine, Cooked in Zamkara, in my cooker-shrine. My cooks will prepare, with culinary zeal, A feast for Snatch, to make him reveal."

"They'll craft a dish, just to his delight, Three bamboo dumplings, oh, a scrumptious bite. Sprinkled with bamboo shoots, pickled and spiced, Baked at 600 degrees, and then iced."

"It's a tricky endeavor to cook up such feasts, But that's how Ren & Stimpy Zoo welcomes its beasts. In Zamkara's land, where the oddities unfurl, With meals so unique, for each creature in the swirl."

"I'll venture to the distant Hills of Frosk, Near the Stream of Trobsk, where the winds briskly toss. And I'll bring back a Frub, a peculiar fellow, A kind of bird, a whatcha-ma-call-it, so mellow."

"This Frub feasts on cherries and pumpkin soufflé, A diet so odd, in an amusing display. People will gather at my zoo with great cheer, In a frenzy, they'll exclaim, 'Oh dear!'"

"'Hӧek,' they'll declare, 'does a marvelous task, Hunting with vim, and vigor, and with a flask. His New Zoo, Ren & Stimpy Zoo, so grand and so fine, Growing each day, like a fantastic vine!'"

"And, talking of birds, in the Chinese town of Xiàmǎtóu, There's the Mandarin Chaoji, with feathers so hue. Its head adorned in red, its belly in blue, I'll snag one for my zoo, oh yes, it's true!"

Ren declared with a smirk, Stimpy in tow, Off to China they went, where the Chaoji would show. In their Zooji Ren & Stimpyji, a feathered delight, A Mandarin Chaoji, a whimsical sight!

To Bazoo they sailed, with purpose and zest, A mission ahead, to capture the best. A doctor, a lawyer, a grue in the dark, A pilot, a nerd, and a Kwijibo lark.

Ren & Stimpy, the duo so keen, With nets and with tricks, their quarry unseen. They ventured to Bazoo, where the oddities brew, To gather their collection, a diverse crew.

A doctor with stethoscope, a lawyer in suit, A grue lurking in shadows, oh what a pursuit! A pilot with wings, a nerd with a book, And a Kwijibo, a creature with a peculiar look.

In Ren & Stimpy Zoo, their grand enterprise, A collection so varied, a true surprise. Bazoo's treasures, Ren & Stimpy knew, In their zoo, where the peculiar grew.

"I'll hunt in the Jungles of Rhino-no-Rompus, And bring back a troop of wild Racco-no-Rompus! The Racco-no-Rompus from Rhino-no-Rompus, Cheekier than those in Dacco-no-Dompus."

"Smarter than those out in Zacco-no-Zompus, That's why I'll catch 'em in Rhino-no-Rompus. In Ren & Stimpy Zoo, the peculiar unfolds, In the wild jungles, where the Raccos are bold."

"People will marvel, their eyes wide and rounding, This Zoo Keeper, New Keeper, simply astounding! He travels so far, you'd think he would drop, When will this young fellow ever stop?"

"Stop...? Well, I should, but I won't cease, Until I capture the Blizza-ma-Whizza-ma-Geese. The grandest fowl from the Island of Quark, They dine on pine needles, then spit out the bark."

"And oh boy! When I get them back to my domain, The whole world will shout, Mr. Hӧek's not plain! He's crafted a zoo, a marvel so stark, Greater than Noah's Ark!"

"These marvelous geese, with feathers so fine, Have made him the greatest of all the dogs and cats in line. In Ren & Stimpy Zoo, where oddities thrive, A legacy so grand, in a zoo that's alive!"

"Wow!" They'll all cheer, "a zoo of great girth! The most spectacular zoo on the face of the earth! With creatures so strange, a whimsical birth, In Ren & Stimpy's Zoo, a treasure trove's worth!"

"Yes... that's what we'd do," said Ren & Stimpy in glee, "We'd make a few changes if we ran the zoo, you see!" In their Ren & Stimpy Zoo, where wonders accrue, A zoo so peculiar, a whimsical debut!

#ren and stimpy #nickelodeon #read across america day #dr seuss #if i ran the zoo #gerald mcgrew

[veryslowreader]

If I Ran the Zoo by Dr. Seuss

Happy Endings: "Why Can't You Read Me?"

#if i ran the zoo #dr. seuss #happy endings #eliza coupe #clint culp

[aslanscompass]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Newt Scamander, Newt Scamander's Magical Beasts, Theseus Scamander, Tina Goldstein, Queenie Goldstein Series: Part 3 of if I ran the zoo Summary:

Newt's expertise with magical beasts leads him to southern China, where he finds newborn twin qilins. The rare creature is known for its ability to read souls and identify a worthy leader. It just might prove key to stopping Grindelwald from becoming the next Supreme Mugwump. But when Grindelwald kidnaps one of them, Newt must seek the help of his friends to protect the wizarding world.

#fantastic beasts #secrets of dumbledore #my fics #newt scamander #if i ran the zoo #theseus scamander #bunty #lally hicks #qilin

[nerds-yearbook]

The first known appearance of the word NERD in print was in "If I Ran the Zoo" by Dr Seuss. ("If I Ran the Zoo", Book, Event)

#nerds yearbook #book #nerd #first appearance #if i ran the zoo #dr seuss #doctor seuss #gerald mcgrew #theodor geisel #1950 #real life event

[ishhbowl]

i am so normal about the lasso scene

#when i tell you i ran to my drawing app. zoo whee #ava #avm #ava victim #animation vs animator #animation vs minecraft #ava fanart #ava victim fanart #procreate halftone tool my nemesis

[daisywords]

encounter.

#my art #fantasy art #mermaid #experimental little thing based on a picture of my nephew at the zoo #was going to put more detail and stuff but I ran out of motivation lol #anyway the little creature is loosely based on a frilled shark :)

[thirdsonofeve]

oh no I accidentally imagined the twins having some kind of big cat (bc cartel men and exotic pets) and apparently ocelots are native to mexico and i googled ocelot kittens and im going to cry ive never seen anything so cute in my life??? so anyway they have ocelots now you can't change my mind

#i cant decide if its a case of they at some point ran into another cartel guy who had an ocelot kitten and immediately decided they needed #one or if they just stumbled upon one in the wild and thought it was a normal cat and oops its huge now #(they regularily kill ppl they can have some unethical pets) #leonel salamanca #marco salamanca #salamanca twins #tuco 100% would have had a private zoo if he was high enough in rank this man would have his own cocain hippos #lalo is very much content with his little ranch maybe he'd like to have some hens #nacho would collect venomous snakes bc symbolism<3 #and maybe he'd have a tiger or two it would match his red shirt very well

[sketchbook-rose]

#ndjole #gorilla #my art #sketchbook rose #colored pencil #image desc in alt text #i ran into a gorilla scientist at the zoo and we talked about the gorillas and showed me Ndjole #who is the daughter of her favorite gorilla of all time #so I drew her! a bunch! it was great!

[thecreaturecodex]

If I Ran the Zoo: Bestiary 1 Humanoids

Pathfinder 1e did a much better job keeping its monsters on an even level of balance between products than its progenitor, D&D 3.x, did. But even so, there was some room for improvement. One of the most notable gaps, I feel, is the power level of classic D&D humanoids compared to other monsters of their CR. The power discrepancy between a gnoll and an orc is a well known example, where the orc has a lower CR on paper but is a much nastier combatant. But compare across the same CR and you’ll notice similar patterns. Look at a boggard, a bugbear and a morlocks, for example, and it’s pretty clear that the bugbear is rather less powerful than its supposed peers. I suspect that’s for reasons of backwards compatibility.

I don’t care about backwards compatibility.

So here’s how I would alter and augment some of the classic D&D humanoids to be more in tune with their Pathfinder flavor text, and to be more challenging to your players. Many of these are just adjusting mental ability scores upwards, but there’s a few more complicated changes in store as well.

Bugbear

Boo! (Ex) A bugbear can make an Intimidate check to demoralize a single target as a move action. If it takes a standard action instead, it gains a +2 bonus.

Tools of the Trade (Ex) Bugbears count saps, light hammers, warhammers and earthbreakers as simple weapons, and treat one exotic weapon of their choice as a martial weapon for the purposes of proficiency (bolas, garrotes and lassos are popular choices).

Drow

Fueled by Spite (Su) As a standard action once per day, a drow can grant itself temporary hit points equal to their Hit Dice plus Charisma modifier (minimum 1 temporary hit point). These hit points last for 1 hour, or until expended.

(Yes, I know that PF2e is writing the drow out as part of them continuing to cut ties with D&D. I have my own ideas of how to handle that).

Giants

Greatclubs are simple weapons, so any giant with Martial Weapon Proficiency (greatclub) can trade it for a different feat. A suggested feat for hill giants is Dazzling Display or Toughness, and a suggested feat for stone giants is Combat Reflexes or Improved Initiative. Fire giants gain weapon familiarity with greatswords and longswords, treating them as simple weapons. Suggested replacements for Martial Weapon Proficiency for a fire giant include Greater Sunder, Greater Overrun, or Improved Critical (greatsword). Frost giants gain weapon familiarity with battleaxes and greataxes, treating them as simple weapons. Suggested replacements for Martial Weapon Proficiency for a frost giant include Improved Initiative, Iron Will, or Vital Strike.

Gnolls

Bite Attack: All gnolls have a bite attack as a primary natural weapon that deals 1d4 points of damage. The Snapping Bite feat still exists; it increases the bite damage to 1d6, and allows the gnoll to make bite attacks while wielding weapons at a -2 penalty, as if it had the Multiattack feat.

Weapon Familiarity (Ex) Gnolls treat flails and heavy flails as if they were simple weapons, and nunchaku and flindbars as martial weapons.

In addition, there are two subraces of gnolls, the Carrion Crewe and the Packmasters. Carrion Crewe gnolls tend to be chaotic evil in alignment, whereas Packmaster gnolls tend to be neutral. Each has an additional unique ability modifier, and its own racial ability.

Carrion Crewe Gnolls: +2 Con

Plague Born (Ex) Carrion Crewe gnolls gain a +2 racial bonus on saving throws against disease, ingested poisons, and becoming nauseated or sickened.

Packmaster Gnolls: +2 Wis

Hopeful (Ex) Packmaster gnolls gain a +2 racial bonus on saving throws against fear effects and emotion effects such as despair, grief or boredom. They do not gain this bonus against rage effects, or other types of emotion effects, such as an unnatural lust or overwhelming presence spell (GM’s discretion).

Goblin

-2 Str, +4 Dex, -2 Wis: Goblins are fast, but physically weak and prone to foolishness

Hobgoblin

Spurn Elf-Magic (Ex) Hobgoblins gain a +2 racial bonus to all saving throws against arcane spells.

Kobold

-4 Str, +2 Dex, +2 Cha: Kobolds are physically very weak, but have agile muscles and strong personalities

Ogre

+10 Str, -2 Dex, +4 Con, -4 Int. Ogres do not have a penalty to Charisma, as they are very good at jug playing, dancing, and terrifying their victims.

Orc

+4 Str, -2 Int, -2 Cha. Orcs are in tune with their senses and surroundings, even if they do tend to fight first and think later.

Troll

+10 Str, +4 Dex, +12 Con, -2 Int, +2 Wis, -2 Cha. Golarion’s trolls are not as stupid as their cohorts in other versions of reality. They are stubborn, and have the keen senses of a predator.

Vegepygmy

A vegepygmy is as it appears in Pathfinder Bestiary 1, but is a CR 1/3 creature. Their endonym is a succession of short popping sounds. If you dislike the word “pygmy” in the name (which is fair, and I’ve had people discuss in my notes before), consider calling them “russetoids” or “stemons” (named after the brown slime mold genus Stemonitis)

#if i ran the zoo #pathfinder 1e #orc #ogre #troll #goblin #goblinoid #kobold #bugbear #drow #giant #hobgoblin #vegepygmy #age of monsters #i take a hammer and fix the canon

[gatherround]

Come Home with Me (reprise)

Alright, this is part of an ongoing project of playing with Hadestown, in order to address what I consider to be some dramaturgical issues in the latest version.

This is going off of the other edits made in this post, which 1) change the order of the first few songs so that Orpheus and Eurydice are escalating more smoothly in closeness, 2) so that Orpheus actually uses his music in community AND as a first gesture to Eurydice, and 3) so that the magic love song isn't something that Orpheus is doing intentionally nor is it something that Hermes explains to him....leaving that realization for Epic III, with Hades and Persephone. Goals are a smoother escalation to romance & revolution alike, and a clearer theory of change w/r/t the magic love melody, (among other things). Most of this is restructuring rather than re-writing -- consider it just another contribution to Working on a Song, an unofficial other version, among many.

If I were re-structuring Hadestown, this is how I would do Come Home With Me (reprise).

So -- Eurydice has just finished singing Flowers.

E: you, the one I left behind, if you ever walk this way. Come find me, lying in the bed I made.

[enter Orpheus]

O: come home with me

E: it’s you

O: it’s me

E: [pause to try to remember] orpheus

O: eurydice

E: your name is like a melody -- a song I'd known from long ago. long time since I heard it though. Before I left, I called your name

O: I wasn't listening to--

E: still -- you came

O: i missed you

E: how’d you get here? on the train?

O: no I walked, a long way

E: how’d you get beyond the wall

O: I sang a song and the rocks recalled everything that's beautiful. the stones all wept and they let me in. and i can sing us home again

E: are you always this certain?

O: when I look at you, I am

E: when you look at me, what do you see?

O: Someone stronger than me. I see somebody who survives. I see my wife. Marry me --  Say I do, I came all this way to ask you to

E: orpheus

O: eurydice

E: the two of us -- that is how it would have been, if the world was different. but do you see the world?

O: I do

E: it isn’t beautiful. it doesn’t change for me and you, no matter how much we want it to

O: Please come home, I’m not going back alone

E: I can't

O: we can

E: no -- you don't understand

Hades: YOUNG MAN...

-------------------------

LINER NOTES:

This pulls a lot from the NYTW version of "Come Home w/ Me (reprise)." I'll talk about some examples as we get to them, but yeah, a lot of it comes from there, although reshuffled a fair bit.

I added the "your name is like a melody" -- it's switched now from Orpheus to Eurydice singing it. This is a moment of love, and a reference to the cosmic force of their love ("known from long ago"), with a line that will end up being paralleled later with Persephone and Hades (in my other edits, I took the "song of love from long ago / long time since I've heard it though" and gave it to Hades/Seph after the last Epic). But it's also contending with both the alienation and loss of identity & memory she's experienced in Hadestown (see "so what was your name again, you've already forgotten" in Way Down Hadestown reprise), and the betrayal that they have been separated for a long time. In real time, she's remembering and processing and realizing what's happened

"Before I left I called your name" up to "I missed you," they are each just rhyming with themselves (Eurydice: name / came, Orpheus: to / you) -- they're talking past each other a bit, trying to say what hadn't been said before. they're not really going to deal with this until Promises, so they're not really hearing each other here. these lines are standing in for the apologies and acknowledgements and real reckoning that aren't being said

"I missed you" parallels Hades -- he's still in a bit of a selfish love in this moment, because he still isn't really seeing and understanding her perspective and experience

"I sang a song and the rocks recalled everything that's beautiful. the stones all wept and they let me in. and i can sing us home again" -- it's a little unwieldy for the melody, but I like the addition of "the rocks recalled" -- it's always felt oddly egotistical for orpheus to show up and be like "I sang a superfuckingpretty song." Instead, it's not about the song, it's about the impact on the listener. Which for me is just a necessary thematic shift throughout. And, the emphasis on recalled aligns with her process of remembering herself, and foreshadows the workers remembering their humanity. Lastly, in this phrase, he both gets on board with her rhyme scheme, and then takes them somewhere else. He's actually listening and responding for a moment (wall / recall / beautiful / all), and then asks her to go somewhere else with him (in / again)

"are you always this certain" in NYTW is "confident" which doesn't quite feel like the right word. I've had "sure" in a previous draft, because I liked the association with "surefooted" (and the fact that he is surefooted...when he can look at her). But, "certain" rhymes with "again," and this does feel like a moment where she's starting to match him, is willing to be possibly caught up in his vision.

'when I look at you / when you look at me what do you see' is almost verbatim from the NYTW version. And I think it's important, because it's a way of him forgiving her for leaving, a moment of starting to see and acknowledge her pain and struggle, and it sets up how much not being able to see her is going to be a problem in a few short songs. Also, the "say I do" and getting down on a knee -- it just has to happen! Otherwise the "I do" in papers is...what? to nothing! And the parallel to both the beginning AND the end of a young man down on bended knee? Come on.

The one thing I took out from here is: Eurydice's "why are you getting on your knees" / Orpheus "I'm asking you to marry me" that came between "I see my wife / Marry me." First, because it's a hat on a hat -- we see him doing it, we don't need to hear it. And, because it lets Orpheus do the thing he's done a couple times here, which is match her rhyme scheme, and then take it somewhere else, within his lines. "at me / you see / than me / I see / marry me" -> "I do / ask you to".

Eurydice's "It isn't beautiful" is also from NYTW -- she still needs him to understand her reality, and I think she's entitled to that sadness and bitterness. I did add one bit here, which was the lines "do you see the world?" "I do", which in the first NYTW Come Home W Me are part of this section: Orpheus: do you see the world / Eurydice: I do / Orpheus: I'll make it beautiful for you. So flipping it, she's forcing him to see her world. And, he's now the first to say "I do"

with the rhyme scheme I mentioned above, adding this line also creates this bit where they're circling each other's rhymes, as he goes backwards to her rhyme with "eurydice" and after dropping out of rhyme entirely for a minute she pushes him back into his rhyme "I do" only for it to rhyme with her refuting his idea rather than accepting it "doesn't change for me and you, no matter how much we want it to". She's trying to force him to see, by forcing him into her rhyme

"please come home, I'm not going back alone" is from NYTW, but comes at the very beginning there. I moved it later here, because it's sort of his last plea -- and, it's him refusing to match her rhyme scheme. do / you / to....and he just won't match it. home/alone -- he still doesn't get it, can't understand/accept it

...and then she refuses to match him. can't / can / understand / young man -- she's driving them towards the assonance/rhyme and rhythm of Hadestown, which leads right into the entrance of Hades. We also have the flip from "I can't" to "we can" -- once again his focus on togetherness, which is his strength, and will also be his, and their, downfall

Have I thoroughly overthought this? Yep! Enjoy!

#gather round you vagabonds #if i ran the zoo (and the zoo was a production of hadestown) #hadestown

[xwonderlandresidentx]

I feel like I may be an outlier who should not have been counted in the "Walrus vs Fairy" debate because my hometown has multiple instances of animals that Should Not Have Been There showing up in random ordinary neighborhoods, and my family specifically had interactions with at least two of them.

#i can think of 3 instances #but there were probably more #for starters #my mom had a pet wolfdog #in an area that hasn't had wolves in like a century #so no one knows how he was conceived #and when i was in the 5th grade #i found a boa constrictor #chillin in the field next to the playground #and when i was in highschool #a mountain lion ran through town #hunting people's loose pets for like a week #the boa was a zoo transport escapee #so it at least made sense how it got there #and mountain lions are technically native to the area #but the closest mountain lion habitat was a few hundred miles away #and again no one knows how my mom found a half wolf #in an area that hadn't had wolves in ages #walrus vs fairy #somethin personnel kid

[demadogs]

will there be interviews coming later to whatever thing noahs at rn or is it just a meet and greet

#also im like half an hour from dc i was gonna go to the zoo sometime soon if i decided to go today i easily coulda ran into him #i know exactly where he is from that pic of the washington monument on his story #rip #byler

[aslanscompass]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Newt Scamander, Tina Goldstein, Scamander Family (Harry Potter) Additional Tags: World War Two, Portuguese was googled Series: Part 1 of if I ran the zoo Summary:

Newt receives an interesting letter from his sister-in-law Melote.

#newt scamander #and how to save them #if i ran the zoo #theseus scamander #my fics #scamander family #surprise incident