#IT LOOKED LIKE A CENTIPEDE WITH LONG LEGS AND ANTENNA SO I THINK YOU CAN GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT HERE

[the-s1lly-corner]

Are request still open? Can I have Reader x Caine Jax Ragatha and Kinger with a Reader thats a Centipede? Like Upper body is humanoid but Lower body is Bug?

Caine, Jax, Ragatha, and Kinger x centipede!reader !

requests are still open! theyve just been slow and the ones that have been sent in i had to delete due to them blatantly(?) rules ive repeated loads of time (mostly NSFW) </3 hope you like this anon! couldnt think of many romantic ideas for ragatha unfortunately </3

CAINE:

he thinks you look cool! probably tries to count how many legs you have to see if youre truly a centipede, more so does this for display rather than actual curiosity though... i think if you have any cool colors or patterns on your bug bits he might change his suit to match with you! probably makes you climb along walls in order to come get him... in fact i can easily see him making IHAs that utilize your climbing ability! legitmately gets mesmerized when he watches you walk because of all your legs just. smoothly... moving. yeah moving! if you have antennae i think he would lightly inquire about them and if they actually function... probably gives you bug based nicknames !

RAGATHA:

writing ragathas piece first but i think it should be obvious that in the beginning she would be a little put off by you for... reasons.. dont get me wrong i think she would feel bad for avoiding you... i mean shes still kind and polite to you when you guys do interact. i think overtime she either gets used to you or you bluntly ask her if she doesnt like you.. which may or may not make her feel even more guilty for her avoidance...

as for actual relationship stuff? simply because of ragathas fear of centipedes it would take her a while to warm up to you, and even longer for a relationship to blossom. usually for characters with long bodies, id propose cuddles where they wrap themselves around their partner... but i think that would genuinely make ragatha panic.. not many ideas here for romance since your form is a constant reminder of her phobia; even if its not your fault

JAX:

another one that give you bug based nicknames but the way in which he says them has a mix of... mischief...? teasing...? something like that, whereas with caine he mostly says it with full adoration. jax... isnt much of a lovey dovey person.. probably messes with your antennae by poking them... kind of smirks if they involuntarily move away from his hand/finger. sits and does that for as long as you two are sitting next to one another; pulls the "im not touching you" thing if you (light heartedly) ask him to stop. imagine you were already in the circus when the pilot occurs and when jax brings up the centipedes he was referring to you... implies youre locked in ragathas room during the pilot oblivious to everything going on/j idk this was funnier in my head.. probably uses you as a running gag for that with ragathas whole... centipede thing

KINGER:

also counts your legs but actually does it for curiosity probably really impressed if you actually have the appropriate number of legs for a centipede! probably tries to figure out what kind you are if you mirror a real world species! ...would it be weird to ask you to go look for bugs with him..? probably awkwardly pets/rubs the top of your head between your antennae, probably lets out an airy chuckle if they flick from his action.. oh please please wrap your body around him when you guys cuddle...! it makes him feel so secure when you do that, plus the added weight around/on him helps him wind down after a chaotic day in the circus! weighted blanket but its your partner, how sweet

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #caine imagine #ragatha x you #ragatha x reader #ragatha imagine #jax x reader #jax x you #jax imagine #kinger x you #kinger x reader #kinger imagine

[vive-la-revolution]

John: *hears a high-pitched scream from inside*

John: *runs inside worried*

John: oh my god Alex are you-

Alex: *standing on a chair, screeching and waving a stick at a spider*

Alex: GET IT AWAYYYYYYYYY

John:

John:

John: ...really

#based off a true story #the one in which i was terrified by a bug #i hate bugs #they have no right being so creepy #BUT IT WAS ON MY WALL AND SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH #IT LOOKED LIKE A CENTIPEDE WITH LONG LEGS AND ANTENNA SO I THINK YOU CAN GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT HERE #lmao anyways #alexander hamilton #john laurens #lams #historical lams #modern lams #cuz that works #hamilton #incorrect quotes

[ask-the-music-man]

(Okay, current plot finale coming up!

TW for descriptions of a panic attack at the beginning

Burton and Dom belong to @the-feral-one (they gave me permission to write their characters)

Centi’s perspective is continued from [here], and Music, Burton, and Dom’s perspectives are continued from [here])

Burton was silent, in a mix of surprise and exhaustion, looking to the taller animatronic for a while too long. He blinked a few times, before he'd noticed that Music was laying against the ballpit, and he hurried to his side. "Music..?" Burton asked softly, giving his husband a light shake. His brow furrowed as he didn't get a response, but he was quickly relieved when he leaned in and could hear Music's fans whirring very quietly.

"He was asleep when I found him..." Dom spoke, observing his look-alike. "Was he in there for some time?" Burton nodded as he rubbed an eye. "It's been a few hours..." He looked to the hall he came from and then back to Music. "I... I should get him to bed..." He trailed off as he tried to think of a way to move the heavier spider.

Dom continued to watch for a moment, before speaking up again. "Allow me to help. It's the least I can do." He carefully lifted Music, and Burton didn't protest, instead leading the way to their shared room and holding the door open. He had to duck down to fit through the doorway, and after stepping inside, Dom gently laid down the sleeping spider onto the blanket pile.

"Thank you..~" Burton whispered from the door, giving Dom a tired but thankful smile. He sidestepped for Dom to exit the room, glancing to Music with a fond look. "Of course. I shall leave you to rest." Dom nodded to his look-a-like, who yawned and looked just about ready to pass out.

With a mumbled 'spare quiet room if you want it' and a point to the door across the hall, Burton closed the door to his room, leaving Dom in the silent pizzeria once more. He pondered for a moment, before peeking into said room, looking over the padded walls and neatly folded-up pile of blankets in one corner. "Hm... Might be useful." Dom spoke to himself, gently closing the door, as not to wake anyone up. His six legs near silently tapped on the tile flooring as he returned to the main room. Daydream led him here, so what he was looking for must be here... But where..? As he wandered into the halls beyond the main room, his antennae twitched and a sudden wave of emotion struck him by surprise. Dom felt a slight sting in his eyes, but he focused his antennae, hearing muffled sounds of irregular movements, and was that... Crying..? Dom had to at least check what the source was, but as he stepped closer to the door labelled 'backstage', that surge of emotions got stronger with every step. Weighing down on his shoulders. Making a pit form inside him, which dropped lower and lower. He was shaking as he reached for the handle. But this wasn't his fear... No, it was coming from someone else...

They didn't notice the door open. They couldn't register anything outside their drowning thoughts and their own clawed fingers digging into their head. Their long body shifted around in extreme discomfort. Unable to stay grounded as their thoughts consumed them. Through their needle-like teeth and the choked, anguished sobs, they begged, pleaded for it to stop. Why wouldn't it stop? They cried for something to end it. Something. Anything-!

"Cookie..?"

The nightmare centipede suddenly snapped to attention, crashing back to reality as their entire body swerved to see who used that name. They halted and froze upon seeing the other stood in the doorway. It felt like hours to process what exactly they were seeing, their mind too foggy with painful thoughts, but soon enough-

"..D-Donny..?"

They took a cautious step. The memories flooding back, and for a moment the pain was gone. But it returned just as fast as it went, reigniting twice as hot. Their eyes flashed a bright red, and their rows of teeth clacked together threateningly, as they lowered themselves to the ground.

"No! No, you're trying to trick me again! I-I won't be fooled again!!" They snarled, digging their claws into the tiles under them. "Why can't you leave me be! H-Haven't you done e-enough! Why- Why-!" More tears clouded their vision, and they trembled, their growled words becoming incoherent once more as they sobbed again.

Dom simply stood there as he listened to the other's words, and felt another wave of emotions as they broke down once more. His own tears rolled down his cheeks. It was a bit painful to hear those snarled words directed to him, but it hurt more to see them in so much suffering. He wanted to help them so much, but he knew he had to give them space right now, so he opted to sit down across from them. "...Cookie... I... I'm not sure how to prove I am really me... But I promise you, it's really me... I promise." He spoke softly, holding onto himself in a self-hug as his tears dropped on the floor with near silent drips.

They barely registered Dom's words in their second breakdown, but their wiry tails picked up those quiet drips, sending a message to the forefront of their mind; A fake couldn't cry. A new emotion surged through their coiled body, and they squeezed their eyes shut, focusing on forcing a hand out to the other. "...D-Don... ny..." They managed to croak, despite their throat tight and hoarse.

Dom's antennae twitched, hearing their voice again and saw their hand. He wiped the tears from his face, and carefully lowered himself, stretching his own hand out to meet theirs. "Cookie..~ It's okay. I'm here. Right here." He spoke in a whisper, so as not to upset them more, and he rested his hand in their reach, letting them take it when they were ready.

They could feel the other's hand besides their own, even if all their senses were overloaded with so much information. It made it hard to move. But another surge, and their trembling hand grabbed onto his, squeezing in an irregular rhythm.

Dom felt more tears well up in his eyes as he watched and felt them hold his hand, but he smiled. "That's it~. Remember the breathing exercises we practiced." He returned the hand squeezes, setting a calming pace for them to breathe at.

Jagged, forced breaths slowly settled down into a somewhat regular breathing pattern, and they used a spare hand to wipe at the tears and drool that both streamed down their face. Now able to see, they couldn't look at the other's face - Still terrified at the mere idea he could have been a fake. That they could have been tricked again, and the moment they looked up, they'd be struck by a lie.

Noticing the twitchy tails, and how their now orange eyes darted around, Dom squeezed their hand once more. "You don't have to say anything. I know it's so so much right now." He paused for a beat, giving them time to process his words. "There is a room we can go to. It is safe and quiet, with blankets to hide under. Would you like to go there?"

They thought silently for a while, becoming more aware of their surroundings. How the lights hurt their already throbbing head, and how the tile flooring was cold and hard under them. After a minute, they nodded and followed up with a near silent 'yes'.

Dom nodded in return, pushing himself up and then taking the others' second hand, he helped them to stand. "It's right through here." He reassured, guiding them out from the backstage and into a hall of name plates hanging on doorways. He had to recall which was the correct room, but upon finding the door with 'The Music Man' in bold text, he remembered it was the room across from it, it's own plaque labelled 'Guest'. It was just how it was left when Dom opened the door, and he gave the other another gentle smile. "Here it is. Stay here for a moment and I will prepare a nice spot for us~." He squeezed their hand, and entered the room, arranging the blankets into a large nest.

They stood just outside the doorway, watching Dom's actions and looking around the room. It was a little on the small side, and they wondered if they entirety of their long body would even fit, especially considering that their tail-end was still in the room they were found in. Their thought was stopped upon seeing Dom beckoning them inside. After a moment of hesitation, they stepped inside and moved to the pile of blankets to sit down. The rest of their body scuttled in afterwards, curling up against the wall, so it could all fit in.

Dom sat down besides them, once they seemed comfortable, and he carefully draped another blanket over the both of them. "That's a little better now. We can rest as long as we like here." He spoke softly, glancing at the other. He noticed they had crossed all four arms over themselves, but he wasn't sure if it was the cold, or perhaps a comforting action. It made Dom want to hold them close, but he decided against it for the moment, feeling the still quite anxious aura surrounding them. So he sat quietly, pondering what to do, as his eyes traced over the stitching in the blanket. Then his antennae perked with an idea. "Perhaps this will help as well." He reached behind himself, carefully pulling out some folded fabric, "I tried to patch up what I could. It might not be exactly the same, but it is here if you would like it."

They watched as Dom unfolded the fabric, revealing it was an old sweater, and their eyes lit up in recognition. It was a pale, yellow fleece material, and where they remembered parts becoming thin and tattered, were now covered in pieces of differently coloured and textured materials. They gently took the sweater, looking over all the new fixtures. They hovered a hand over a patch of fluffy faux fur, and carefully ran a finger over it. Their tails twitched at the sensation, and they repeated the motion a few times. They were now making quiet but happy chuffing sounds, and their teeth clacked together, attempting to make a smile with their disfigured mouth. Their many legs also tapped on the shell of their body and the floor. After testing a few more of the patches, with similar results, they finally wriggled into the sweater. Their body visibly relaxed once they felt the familiar and comforting pressure the clothing provided. More kinder memories began to trickle into their mind, as exhaustion finally caught up to them. Times of being curled up in a soft place. A gentle tinkling of a music box. Being embraced by someone who loved them.

He couldn't help a few happy tears escape him, as Dom watched them happily stim on their modified sweater, and begin to drift off besides him. He carefully reached over to pull the blanket up over them, when the other leaned into his shoulder, now snuggled against him. Dom's smile grew warmer, and he gave an amused hum, upon feeling they were rumbling with silent purrs. "You're welcome~. My Cookie~." He whispered, resting his head on theirs, and letting sleep take him.

And for the first time in a very long time, they - Cookie - felt like they were finally home.

#Music Man #Nightmare Music Man #Burton MM #Music Men I should say haha #but yay they're all finally reunited #and they'll get some well deserved rest #there are two small follow ups to this but I can't post them rn #but next event plotline thingy will be more light hearted! #unless you guys turn it heavy again /jk #anyways enjoy my writing once more

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Customer Service.”

Guys, I know I am a little later than usual because I was trying to execute this one well, but I wanted this to be nice and Funny. I suggest reading it because it was fun to write and maybe it will make you smile. :)

Have a great day guys! 

The Galactic Assembly members stood in council, hundreds of projected holograms stood at attention as nothing more than smoke and light upon the bridge of the UNSC Harbinger.

Commander Vir stood at attention ramrod straight pristine grey uniform pressed to perfection shoes polished to a shine. He clasped his hands lightly behind his b at shoulder width planted firmly on the ground silhouetted by the starfield towards his front.

“It was spotted on a routine patrol towards the edge of the system.” The Rundi chairwoman began pressing her long tapering fingers together before her chest, “As far as we can tell there was only one, but that doesn't mean more aren’t on the way.” 

“What do they want?”” The Finnari councilman began 

“The Burg have no lover for the Galactic Assembly.” The commander began, reaching out to grip the railing before him one handed, with the other still held stiff behind his back, 

The Drev representative rumbled deep in his chest spear-butt clattering loudly against a metal floor, “And what quarrel do they have with the assembly.”

There was a momentary silence on the bridge.

“Commander.” The Rundi chairwoman prompted.

Commander Vir lifted his chin stepping back to once again place both hands behind his back pacing a few steps this way and that eyebrows slanted in an expression of worry, “I am afraid that would be my fault, General.”

There was a shuffling about the council representatives.

He turned on his heel and came to attention before them, “Our last encounter ended, and honestly begun, on poor terms. It was towards the beginning of my tour, and I was unaware of their particular…. Quirks. Young and naive with an unfortunately uncontained bravado I am afraid I may have offended their leader. He saw it as an insult to his honor, and determined to kill me only after torturing the members of my crew which he had captured.” 

Surprise.

“Of course, I wasn’t about to let my crew die for a mistake I had made. As it turns out the enzymes found in human saliva is particularly problematic for their species. The outer slime which lubricates their carapace and keeps their bodies from breaking down is particularly sensitive to the enzymes I mentioned earlier. None of us could have known what was going to happen.” He turned another tight circle  “As a precursor for some of you who may not know, spiting at someone in human culture is seen as an act of defiance or an insult. Thinking he was about to kill m crew, I had no particular respect for him. Of course my actions had greater consequence than I originally intended. He was dead within minutes, and the rest of my crew was able to escape.” He trailed off at this point though his expression remained serious.

The Tesraki council member chuckled slightly, “As I recall, they withdrew from negotiations shortly after, and all commerce between our people and there's immediately ceased despite our best efforts. Of course, no one blames the commander, the Burg were breaking intergalactic tretis agreements by implementing the use of force without the approval of the GA.

“Even so.” The Vrul began, “This does not bode well for their sudden reappearance.”

“I have some dealings with the Burg.” There was a short pause as Commander Vir turned to the side, looking on as his guest, an envoy, Lord Celex of the Celzex. The cute, fuzzy little creature with colorful fur, large feet and big eyes, never ceased to make any human in visual distance wish for a cuddle, but the Commander managed to restrain himself.

“Lord Celex?”

The fuzzy little creature rocked slightly on it’s large feet big mournful eyes sharp with anger. Commander Vir tightened his hands behind his back expression still very serious.

“The Burg are a proud race like my own. If they plan on attacking, they will not be dissuaded by diplomacy” his piggy little ears twitched lightly, “Though they can be pushed to make rash decisions using their pride as a point of attack.”

There was a slight slithering noise as the iotin representative coiled her snake like body about her feet, “And what are the chances of a preemptive strike.” 

The Rundi councilwoman sighed, “Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do. Our code of laws restricts us.”

“Don’t fire unless fired upon.” the commander muttered under his breath before raising  his head, “And can we be sure they plan to attack…..”

The Gibb representative shifted, “I am afraid not. Our scans indicate that the ship is heavily loaded with weapons and an unusual amount of persons. I wouldn't place our safety in hoping that they do NOT plan to attack.”

A chorus of muttered agreement rose about the room, “We should at least attempt contact with them. Commander Vir, I would have you do the talking accept for your….. History…. With the Burg.”

“A wise decision.” The Commander acknowledged adjusting his cap, “Chairwoman, that leaves first contact up to you.”

The chairwoman didn’t look altogether excited over the idea, but adjusted her ceremonial robes, “Hail the burg ship, begin transmission.”

Commander Vir, in accompany with lord Celex turned his attention to an additional hologram that began to materialize at the side of the room. The Burg were everything that the Celzex weren’t at least when it came to looks. Where the Celzex were cute enough to make any human squeal like a five year old with their big eyes pig ears, colorful fur and large feet, the burg were ugly as sin, centipedes on steroids with too many legs, to many antennae and covered in a gelatinous layer of slime. Their coloring ranged from brown to puke green and mustard yellow at the legs. 

When they spoke, their language was primarily clicks, hisses, and chattering gurgles made look even less attractive by their segmented mandibles.

“Hail, Burg, please acknowledge, you have entered restricted GA airspace. State your business.”

The uggly creature chartered and gurgled under the sound of the translation, “I have simply come as an envoy to the galactic assembly.”

Commander VIr leaned close to lord Celex quietly whispering, “That is a load of horse shit if i have ever heard of it.” Lord Celex snorted in agreement

“That is quite a collection of weapons for a simply envoy.” The chairwoman offered.

“Can you blame us. We are heading into hostile territory and had no idea of what you might do to us.”

Lord Celex shook his head, “Something is wrong here. The burg do not negotiate or have ENVOYS the words literally do not exist in their vocabulary. Specifically their culture is very insistent on holding onto grudges.. To let a grudge go is seen as the height of dishonor, and in their case it is death before dishonor.” 

Commander Vir tapped hsi chin, “So is there no chance they are here to be diplomatic.”

“It would not even cross their minds…. “ Lord Celex continued as the two of them watched the Burg avoid, change, and costrue his words in the most obvious way possible, but just barely veiled enough to make any action by the GA look excessive or even aggressive. After all, what he said was just words.

They couldn’t even reject him from entering the system with his weapons considering other members of the GA were allowed to do the same, most notably the Humans and the Drev whose ships were packed with as much weaponry as was possible and sometimes more than was practical.

“Let me convene with the council before a decision is made, but we will return to you shortly.” The chairwoman switched off the comm and was retransferred back to the rest of the council.

“He is lying.”

“And quite obviously I might add.” pointed out the Tesraki, clearly not very impressed.

“Lord Celex, tell the council what you were telling me.” Commander Vir urged 

Lord Celex took  the floor doing as told finishing after a moment with, “This is most certainly payback for previous dishonor. While their weapons are not as powerful as the humans. I suspect that they may take such dishonor by leveling an entire city if they have to.”

“Is there now way to restrict them from the system?”

“No, I am afraid not. We only have speculation, and no concrete evidence.” The chairwoman muttered, “Despite how certain we are. There is nothing we can do until they actually give us reason, and that rule may well be putting innocent lives at risk.”

The Bran representative scuttled a little bit in place, “Unless there was a way to make them strike first, out here where they are not a danger to civilians.”

An Iotin representative laughed, “That would require us goading them into attacking without breaking any laws in the process, and all of it on purpose.”

The room was filled with a mirthful laugh, and the entire council looked at the commander who was grinding in that wolfish way that humans had, quite predatory and VERY unnerving. He twisted his hands around cracking his knuckles, “Goading people without breaking any laws.”

He rolled his neck cracking that too, “That just so happens to be my specialty.” The expression he had was a stark contrast to his early seriousness, and the change was almost unnerving.

“You think you can get him to attack you first, without actually breaking the rules of engagement, or the rules of diplomacy.”

The human crossed his arms over his chest, “I can goad him into attacking me without breaking a sweat, ma’am. The key is over politeness, and complete bureaucracy. I guarantee you give me a few hours with this guy and I can crack him, maybe even less.” 

The council looked at each other interested, “And when they do attack.”

“My ship could take it, but I would appreciate if someone was around with an energy shield of superior quality. I would rather no one die in this effort.”

“Very well, commander. We give you leave to do as you must, but I must withdraw from the council before I see anything more.”

“Understood, chairwoman.” The human responded before grinning and rubbing his hands together a mischievous smile crossing his face.

Commander Vir sat in the Captain’s chair Lord Celex at his side, “Prepare for audio transmission” he was given the go ahead with a raised hand.

“Start transmission.”

“Chairwoman?” 

“Hello, this is Adam from the internal department of intergalactic nuisance. Is this the Burg captain speaking?”

There was a purse on the other line, “Where is the chairwoman.” The voice was clearly annoyed.

Commander Vir threw his legs over one arm of the chair lounging like he owned the entire universe, “Oh yeah, the council.” He kept his voice as informal as possible, “They were super busy and have a bunch of important things to do. Something about methane acquisition and internal sanctions on biological waste disposal. They generally send all the unimportant things to me.” Around the bridge humans had hands covering their mouths while lord Celex was nodding in approval.

There was a chattering growl over the line, “Unimportant!..... Waste disposal! This is outrageous. I came here on a diplomatic mission-”

He was cut off, “Of course you did, very important I am sure.” The human said lying the sweetness on thick, “Very important. We here at the GA department of intergalactic nuisance take the blurg representatives very seriously.”

There was a roar from the other end of the line, “WHAT did you say?”

“I said we take the burger very seriously.”

“THe BURG.” “That's what I said.”

“NO YOU DID NOT.” Humans about the room were openly smiling now. Commander Vir was grinning smugly as he crossed one ankle over the other making himself very comfortable, “Yes, that’s exactly what I said. The bug is an important priority to our department.”

“BURG.”

“It is very hard to hear you when you shout like that, sir.” 

The silence that followed was practically brimming with rage, “I demand to speak with a member of the GA. This is outrageous.”

“I am afraid we cannot do that right now, the GA is in session. Something to do with internal budget for the acquisition of branded paper clips, but I might be able to transfer you to the GA higher department of minor diplomatic inconveniences… please hold.”

He motioned to one of his men, and suddenly the other line was cut filled insteady with the tinny notes of easy listening jazz, abominable anywhere outside of elevators. The humans around the room were snickering.

They could still hear the burg though he could not hear them, over the line cursing and demanding to speak with someone though the line continued to play music. They waited for a good half an hour and just as the Burg was about to pick up, the commander made a motion.

“Hello this is Adam from the higher department of minor diplomatic inconvenience.” 

“Finally! I demand to speak with the GA.”

Commander Vir dropped the call.

The Burg cursed in outrage and tried calling back. Commander Vir picked up.

“Hello this is Adam from the higher department of-” “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!.”  the Burg shouted, “And I commander of the Burg demand to speak with the GA.” 

“I’m sorry, who are you?

“The BURG commander.”

“The Burger?” 

They had to turn down the volume to the intercom as the Burg went and lost it. Commander Vir dropped the call for the second time.

He called back.

“Hello, this is Adam from the-”

“I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE GA.”

Adam let a pause drag on for a long minute, “I am sorry, who is this?”

“THE BURG COMMANDER.”

“Oh, yes, I am sorry our department doesn’t deal with requests to speak with the GA, I am afraid I will have to transfer you don't to the lower department of under-minor diplomatic inconvenience.” Before the burg could say anything he was, once again, put on hold with the same tinny easy listening jazz poorly projected over the intercom. The Burg was having an absolute conniption on the other end of the line.

They didn’t make him wait as long, but still made him wait.

“Hello, this is Adam from the lower department of under-minor diplomatic inconvenience.” 

“Adam, I have already spoken to you.” The Burg growled.

“Who is this.”

“THE BURG COMMANDER.”

Adam shifted in his seat, “Please relax sir, But I assure you I have never spoken with the burger commander….. Is this a prank call?” 

“BURG, it’s pronounced BURG. THIS IS NO JOKE. And is EVERYONE in your department named Adam?”

“I am the only Adam in the entire department. I have no idea who you were talking to but it wasn’t me. What are you calling for?”

“I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THE GA.” He was screaming now barely comprehensible.

“Oh I am sorry that is a matter for the internal department of intergalactic nuisance.”

“I JUST SPOKE WITH THEM.”

“Please hold.” 

If anything could be said based on what was over the end of the line, something was getting destroyed all to the soundtrack of easy listening jazz elevator music  more than two thousand years old but somehow dated another century by being so horrible.

“Hello, this is.”

“ADAM I know.”

“I’m sorry, who? There is no Adam in this department. My name is Mr. Burg.”

“ARE YOU MOCKING ME?”

“I don’t even know who you are, sir please what are you calling for?”

“I am the BURG COMMANDER CALLING TO SPEAK WITH THE GA. I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE.”

The human tapped his fingers on the chair arm, “Mmmm Mr. Burger, we have no record of your interaction.”

“BURG, it is BURG not BURGER not BUG nog BLURG, but BURG.”

“”I know what my name is sir, no need to get angry. Let’s just take a deep breath and try to relax. What did you say your name was?” 

“I AM THE COMMANDER OF THE BURG SHIP, OF THE NATION OF THE BURG, AND I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE GA REPRESENTATIVES ON THIS INSTANT.”

“I am afraid our department doesn’t deal with demands.”

“THEY TOLD ME TO COME HERE.”

The commander hummed tilting his head slightly to the side, “That was likely when you were asking to speak with the GA and now it has turned into a demand, so I am going to have to transfer you to the Lateral Department of mid-major intergalactic diplomatic annoyance.” He went to put the Burg on hold, but he didn’t get that far.

“I WILL NOT BE TRANSFERRED, I WILL NOT BE PUT ON HOLD, LET ME SPEAK TO THE GA OR I WILL BLAST YOUR MINUSCULE STARSHIP INTO A BILLION MOLECULES.” “Was that a treat?”

“YES IT WAS.” 

“Begin holographic transmission.”

Commander Vir stood from his seat hands resting behind his back, “Commander of the Burg, I am Commander Adam Vir of the GA / UNSC fleet. And I will have you know that a threat to a GA spaceship in GA restricted airspace is a violation of the interspace tretisand allows me to detain your ship under restriction until such time as the GA decided what to do with you.” “ADAM the creature spat.”

The man was able to maintain a straight face, “Yes?”

“It was you the entire time.”

The human shook his head looking confused, “What do you mean the entire time. The entire time of what.”

“SPeaking with the diplomatic….. Whatever….. IT WAS YOU.”

“We don’t have a diplomatic department of whatever. As far as I know there was no one else in the GA with the same name. You must be mistaken.”

What happened next was almost expected, but not quite. All of the anger pent up in the Burg Commander snapped. He screamed demanding his ship to fire upon the UNSC Harbinger, an action that found immediate response with  the Rundi Command ship appearing form cloaking and covering the Harbinger in their their own energy shield. The Burg’s attack bounced off their shields and deflected back into space. The Crew felt nothing more than a slight rumble through the hull of the ship.

“”Tell The GA to deploy grappling field.” The commander ordered pointing towards one of his Comms techs who immediately sent the request.

It wasn’t more than a moment before their ship was grappled,their weapons decommissioned, and the council had reappeared as holograms aboard the ship.

“Less than two hours commander….” Someone said in awe, “How did you break them so quickly.”

The man simply smiled, “Unhelpful customer service is a bitch guaranteed to drive anyone into a rage.”

#humans are insane #humans are space orcs #HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are space australians #humans are spaceoddities #earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia

[creativerogues]

Campaign Diary #6: Northbound

So... It’s been a while hasn’t it.

Well with quarantine ruining all the fun, and teaching people how to Zoom becoming the single greatest ordeal in my life, it seemed like the Campaign would’ve been put on hold indefinitely, or at least until all this blew over.

But no, I wouldn’t allow such an awesome campaign to be put on hold, and so while writing the Player’s Guide I’ve been setting up a session, and now it looks like we’re back on track, at least a little...

Anyways, here’s a recap since it’s been a while...

We have a Kenku Rogue still frozen by Magic, a recently resurrected Tabaxi Bard, a super-peeved Aarakocra Barbarian and a Tortle Wizard and Human Druid all trying to kill a Green Dragon called Danae, the Deathlady.

It you want a better Recap, you can find Campaign Diary Number 5 HERE!

Anyways, let’s continue by actually starting this thing.

Episode #6: Northbound

The Party awakes to find the three Silver Charge Members they hired in Episode #5 already packed up and ready to go. In fact, they’re actually having breakfast, with the Human Man cooking rations in a metal pan over a brass brazier.

The Party gets everything ready, and enjoys their own breakfast, which is nothing because they brought no food with them…

As everyone gets ready for the first day of travelling, the Minotaur speaks, saying that they should move through the light snow areas to avoid leaving traces in the snow that animals could follow, and the Wizard can cast his Spells to make their journey a little safer…

Meanwhile, the Human Wizard (Who they STILL haven’t learned the name of!) begins throwing strange objects into the Brass Brazier. At first it was just coal, which seemed sensible enough, but then he starts throwing sticks and grapes into the fire, followed by some leaves and branches with strange flowers that he pulls out of a sizeable pouch.

Then he starts making strange sweeping gestures with his arms: sculpting the flames in the brazier, slicing, patting, poking and even smacking and punching the fire while slowly chanting and humming under his breath...

And after completing this strange ritual, the Man goes down on both knees in front of the brazier, and whispers under his breath: "Come forth my other half, I want to find myself again".

And bursting forth, a bright white snowy owl flies out of the flames of the brazier, landing on the Man’s arm as he stands, and places the large owl on his shoulder, as he grabs a few handfuls of snow and begins extinguishing the flames and packing away the brazier into his Pack.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how a badass casts Find Familiar...

And as the Party sets off, learning on the way that the Human Wizard's name is Quill, a Northern Man clad in a heavy purple coat with green trimmings and thick furs around the neck, while the Minotaur's name is Sticks, and the Tortle's name is Pieces. So yeah: Quill, Sticks and Pieces.

Quill then sends his new Snowy Owl Familiar into the skies, and his eyes turn cloudy as he places his hand on Sticks’ arm, and everyone just kinda waits until his eyes become clear, and he reports that the area around here is clear, and they can rest in a few hours so he can scout the area again...

A Strange Request...

During the morning preparation, Potosh asks if he can get Hard Hat to cast Sending to his Mother or Father... 

A bit of a strange request but I allowed it because roleplay...

I ask Potosh's Player to make a History Check to remember the faces of his mother and father, which tells you something about his Character. He succeeds but now I make him roll a Performance Check but rolls a 7, so he doesn't give Hard Hat the detailed description he needs.

According to Potosh, his father had a long face with blue eyes and slick back dark brown hair, probably in his early 60′s now.

His mother he speaks more fondly of, talking about the floral dress she always wore and the short curly blonde hair she had. He says she’s probably in her late 40's to early 50's, tall and thin with a face similar to Potosh's...

Hard Hat apologises and says he needs more details off Potosh, but Potosh quite literally cannot remember them, having lived away from his Parents since... well since they pushed him away...

Ice to Meet You!

Quill sadly has no "Snow Avoidance" Spell to cast on the Group, so they all end up having to deal with the Penalties from the Snow and Difficult Terrain.

The Party trudge through the snow for about an hour (with Potosh in the form of a Snow Leopard), until they encounter some strange, what could only be described as “long thin blue sticks” poking just a few inches out of the snow, before the faces of the three Silver Charge Members suddenly turn pale.

“Nobody move. Nobody move a f**king muscle…”

Everybody freezes, and they begin to see the blue sticks move, swaying in the wind…

Potosh, who is in Snow Leopard Form and leading the group, tries to back up from these things, rolling a 17 on his Stealth Check, with an extra +10 from the Pass without Trace he has cast just before they set off… Rolling a 27 total and managing to very slowly back up away from these weird little sticks out of the ground...

Quill describes that they just messed up big-time, and the Group is currently standing on top of a Creature: A Remorhaz, and it’s currently feeling the vibration of footsteps on the hard snow crust.

And now everybody gets to roll Stealth Checks! But thankfully, no one fails...

Quill then sends his Snowy Owl over to these blue sticks, which turn out to be antennae, and the Snowy Owl pecks the antennae, and the Remorhaz emerges in a cloud of steam and slush, attacking and swallowing its Snowy Owl whole and causing it to poof out of existence...

And the Party rolls initiative as a large ice-blue centipede with leathery wings like a cobra's hood, an insect-like head with a flat face and giant bulbous eyes, and a long scaly segmented body with dozens of legs, with horns along its body and a line down its back that glowed red with an inner fire, bursts out of the snow in a cloud of steam and a pile of melted snow…

I roll for all the NPCs, Quill getting a Natural 20 on his Initiative, but Potosh acting first with a 22 on Initiative:

Potosh runs forward in his Snow Leopard Form and claws at the Young Remorhaz, missing with his first attack but scoring a crit on his second.

So all is looking good! Until Potosh is sprayed in the face with the Remorhaz's boiling hot blood and takes some fire damage... Then all is not looking good.

Next up is Quill, the Human Wizard and Silver Charge Mercenary, who casts Otiluke's Resilient Sphere on the Young Remorhaz, trapping the large monstrosity in a sphere of shimmering force and getting the Play of the Game and title of Most Valuable NPC.

You know, instead of the person that literally just resurrected their friend...

During this time, Quill casts Sending using some of his Spell Slots to message some other people in the Silver Charge: Specifically someone called Eli and some other person he refers to as Leatherback.

Meanwhile everyone else is panicking as this Remorhaz is clawing and biting at the sphere, which won’t be able to hold for as long as they’d like...

Quill casts Seeming to turn himself, Sticks, Pieces and everyone else (except Hard Hat), turning them all into other members of the Silver Charge, and commands Hard Hat to cast Sending and send a message to each of them for him, since Quill is currently focusing on containing the Young Remorhaz.

Hard Hat goes along with it and casts Sending as many times as he can to contact all these people, saying: "I am Hard Hat, I am paying your Mercenaries for protection. We have Remorhaz bound on South-East peaks, it is breaking free. We seek aid."

Minutes pass, and tension is rising as two Spellcasters suddenly appear out of a shimmer purple doorway.

One makes a remark to Quill, before they tell him to end the Resilient Sphere Spell and let the two deal with the creature.

The Sphere is reluctantly dispelled and one Mage casts Reduce, shrinking the Young Remorhaz, while the other Mage casts Charm Monster, succeeding and charming the Young Remorhaz. 

The Mage then casts Dimension Door and teleports out with the shrunken Remorhaz, the other Mage also Dimension Door-ing out of there and the Party Members (as well as Thrak the Half-Orc and the three Silver Charge Members) are left kinda stunned…

This is what happens when you ask NPCs that are several levels higher than you to help out, they get it done quick and easy and make you look like a bunch of scrubs...

Now the Party is left just kinda standing there, since they basically just panic speed-dialled every important person in the Silver Charge.

 So naturally, they decide to take a quick short rest to gather their thoughts, because WHAT THE F**K?

Wasting Time...

The Party takes a Short Rest after the Encounter with the Remorhaz and decides to chat, with Hard Hat speaking with Potosh about how they're going to get the Money to pay these people, since hiring highly skilled Mercenaries means paying several gold pieces a day, and they currently have a total of absolutely nothing...

Potosh thinks that if Foot can charm Thrak, they can use the Diamonds she still has on her to pay the cost, but Hard Hat says that robbing from the person that literally just resurrected their friend yesterday is somehow just a little too far for him…

Potosh also says that time is running out for him to get his pet bear back, since Thrak the Half-Orc said that in order for her to resurrect any Creature, she'll need a bunch of diamonds, and the more important part, the creature has to be dead less than 10 Days.

Hard Hat says that he's trying his best, and he knows they have maybe two days tops to get to the Capitol and get back here to resurrect that Bear…

Why is the Bear suddenly important? Ask the Nature-Loving Druid…

An Argument? Oh My!

So with the Short Rest over, Hard Hat suggests they all take Phantom Steeds to speed up the process, and asks Quill if he knows that Spell.

He does, but he doesn't tell Hard Hat that, instead lying and saying he's heard of the spell, but does not know the incantations necessary to perform it.

Why is Quill lying? Because for every day the Party travels under his protection, that's some extra pay for him, and turning what could be a two week journey up north into a couple of days would mean a whole chunk of money lost, an angry Tortle and a very angry Minotaur...

But of course Potosh and Foot, both with pretty good Wisdom Scores, notice Quill's words not carrying as much sway as he thought, and rather than ask him in private if he's lying, Potosh calls him out and says that they've got two days to get everything done, and they're just slowing down the Party.

Hard Hat calms down the situation by saying that he might have a way to fix this, up-casting Sending at 4th Level and asking Kenzo to speed up the process, saying that she has two days and apologising for the time crunch.

She responds saying that she'll have to track down some people, but she might be able to get to where they are within a day, a day and a half at most, and says that while she doesn't think she has exactly what they're looking for, she does have something, and she hopes that they haven't forgotten about their deal…

Hard Hat relays this to the group, and the three Silver Charge Members go from "we're here for the money" to "you guys don't deserve us", saying that they'll take their money and go if the Party thinks they're so dang high and mighty.

But then Thrak butts in: Saying that the three mercenaries were hired to help the group travel up north, and they should help each other instead of asking for money.

And thin strings of smoke begin to emerge from Thrak's mouth as she speaks to Quill specifically, the smoke travelling a few inches into the air and vanishing, as Thrak casts a Spell: Geas...

I roll to see if Quill notices the Spell being cast, and he does, and attempts a Counterspell.

However, with a 3rd Level Counterspell, and Geas being a 5th Level Spell, he has to roll a 15 or Higher to counter the spell.

But he fails, rolling a 9 total, so Thrak's Geas Spell succeeds, with Thrak feeling a little guilty that she was "forced" to cast it to ensure the Human Wizard's loyalty at this time.

I also roll to see if Sticks or Pieces notices what Thrak is doing, and they both fail, which I flavoured as them not knowing she was casting a Spell at all because they don’t know any magic, let alone know the specific components to spells...

Quill's eyes glaze over for a moment as Thrak asks him to kindly stay here with her and the rest of the Party protecting them until further notice...

She then takes out her small wooden chest again and gives Sticks and Pieces enough diamonds to pay for their work for two days, the day before and today, so they have no need to be here if they don't want to be.

And of course the big Minotaur fella decodes that to mean "go away" and takes the hint, telling Quill to cast whatever Spells he has left to take them home.

But Quill doesn't respond the way he usually does, saying that he's staying with the Party until their friend arrives, and will be returning to them after such a time as he feels they are safe…

Does Thrak feel guilty about forcing the Wizard to stay with them, of course she does, but if it ensures the Party's survival for the next day or two, then despite feeling bad about it, she'd still do it...

And now the Party has the task of waiting for a day and a half for Kenzo to get there… But the question is, can she get there in time?

#campaign diary #dnd 5e campaign #d&d campaign #dnd #DnD 5e #dnd 5e homebrew campaign #creativerogues

[plumbits]

the house centipede

because these guys need more love.

(WARNING: this post contains discussion and images about a certain invertebrate with lots of legs. if that bothers you, please scroll past.)

The house centipede (Scutigera coleoptrata) is a lovely little arthropod! They first originated in the Mediterranean region, but quickly spread to other areas of the world, earning their common name, the house centipede.

Time to talk legs (and other aspects of their morphology).

S. coleoptrata has 15 pairs of long legs as an adult, but as a baby, they start with only 4 pairs (only 8 legs total!). 

(How cute!!)

While babies start out with only 4 pairs of legs, they grow a new pair (or 2, if it’s after the first molt) each time they shed their exoskeleton, until they reach 15 pairs (30 legs total). They move their legs in a rolling, wavy motion, called a metachronal wave. 

S. coleoptrata are so fast because they’re essentially turbo charged by their super long back legs. The back legs are the stronger ones, while the legs toward the front work to keep things steady and balanced. Stiff segments that run along their backs, called tergites, keep the softer segments in the middle, called sternites, from rocking back and forth while they zoom along.

Since they move so fast, you’d think they’d use all their legs to help them zip along your bathroom floors and ceilings, but nope! S. coleoptrata has legs to spare! They have two extra long and thin legs all the way in the back.

These legs actually serve as a secondary pair of antennae! They have just as many sensory hairs on them as the pair of actual antennae they have in the front. It used to be thought that those extra long back legs were just a form of automimicry, when one part of the animal resembles another part, usually to fool predators or prey.

Now we’ll talk about diet (which also has a lot to do with legs).

S. coleoptrata is venomous (but don’t worry, they rarely bite people and even if you do get bit, it’s very mild, unless you’re allergic. then it can cause problems.). When it captures its prey, S. coleoptrata injects its venom through its forcipules (which used to also be legs in some distant ancestor). Although it’s technically a sting, not a bite because the forcipules aren’t a part of the mandibles, but it serves its purpose nonetheless.

They’re also incredibly clever when it comes to discerning which insects are prey and which insects are dangerous. They can even develop strategies for pursuing and attacking different prey insects. Take wasps, for instance. S. coleoptrata will inject its venom and then retreat, waiting for it to take effect. (they’re so smart!!)

The tip of each leg is so super-segmented it acts kind of like a rope. These tips are used to lasso and keep hold of prey, rendering it defenseless as S. coleoptrata delivers the lethal injection.

 S. coleoptrata is insectivorous and eats a variety of household arthropods, such as spiders, bed bugs, houseflies, termites, roaches, ants, and whatever else they can get their hands ーI mean legsー on. 

Their forcipules also make great grooming tools. S. coleoptrata are very clean animals that meticulously groom each leg multiple times a day. They’re also incredibly methodical in their grooming. They start and the front legs and work their way to the back.

(the forciples are circled in yellow)

On reproduction…

S. coleoptrata lays eggs in spring, and the larvae look like miniature versions of the adults (see above image of baby).

Now for habitat!

Outdoors, S. coleoptrata prefers to live in cool, damp areas. They need an environment that protects them from dehydration because they can’t close their spiracles (think like if your nose was a series of holes that ran down the sides of your body). Outdoors, you’ll likely find them hiding under large rocks, old logs, piles of wood, etc. Inside the house, S. coleoptrata can be encountered anywhere, but most encounters usually occur in bathrooms and basements.

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T KILL THEM

They eat household pests! S. coleoptrata eats all the bugs that you wouldn’t want living in your home, like roaches and termites. If you really must get rid of them, dry out the areas they inhabit and eliminate all their food sources. Seal off any cracks leading into the house, so pests don’t have any places to lay eggs. Clear your house of any debris that could leech moisture into your walls.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you learned something new and developed an appreciation for these lovely little leggy zoomers.

Sources:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2RtbP1d7Kg

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata

[evolutionsvoid]

Dragons are always grand creatures that catch the attention of everyone around them. If you ever are looking for a tale about giant beasts and terrifying hunts, then you will most likely get a story that stars a dragon in them. Even the term "dragon" is used so much for monsters and beasts that it has practically become synonymous with them! I know I have said this many time, but such usage of the word "dragon" as gotten to the point where it rarely actually refers to the fire-breathing reptiles everyone thinks of. Now we have it where you need to specify if you are talking about a true dragon or a dragon beast whenever you bring them up! The difference being that "true dragons" are your reptilian creatures, while "dragon beasts" refer to pretty much anything that has the name "dragon" slapped on it. We already talked about things like Venom Dragons, which are just tiny mollusks that people overreacted about, and the Slime Dragon, which is...well, a Slime. In this entry we are going to talk about Bone Dragons, which are another species that people freaked out about and threw in the dragon title. What is fascinating about them is that not only are Bone Dragons more like insects, but they are actually more than one creature!     The habitats that Bone Dragons live in are often on the arid side and possess rocky landscapes. Places that have mountains, canyons, caves and boulder fields are where you will often find them, though they have been known to extend their range if food sources are low. It is here where they will dig out their nest and lair, burrowing into the stone to form a personal cavern. In here is where they shall lay their eggs, hide from rough weather and horde their collected food. Whatever prey they don't immediately consume from a hunt will be carried back here and stored until they grow hungry once more. It is this practice of theirs that partially lends to their title of "Bone Dragon," which is funny because this end result comes from the fact that they dislike bones. Meat, organs and hide are happily consumed, but their mouthparts are not suited to feed on bone and marrow. As a result, the cleaned bones are tossed aside in their lair, which eventually start to pile up over the years. Like the Flayers, Bone Dragons will soon have a cave that is just filled with mounds of old bones. Their eggs and young will often be hidden beneath them, either for protection or the fact that there isn't much room for them to go anywhere else. These massive piles of remains helped give them their moniker, but the real reason they are called "Bone Dragons" is their unique appearance, which comes from their truly amazing reproductive habits. Look at these massive beasts from a distance, and you will easily see why they earned their name. They wear a pale exoskeleton that looks like bone, the fanged head that possesses large sensory pits gives the appearance of a skull and the long, knobby antenna gives the impression of skeletal wings. When these creatures were first encountered, people truly believed that the skeletons of long dead dragons had risen for revenge! The tales behind them varied from ancient necromancers to the belief that certain elder dragons possessed so much magic that it caused their remains to continue living long after death! It took quite some time for people to realize that these creatures were actually flesh and blood, and even more to realize that they were actually two separate beasts! When Bone Dragons hatch, they do not have this dragon-like appearance. What emerges depends on the gender of the larvae, as males and females have two completely different forms! Males look more like centipedes, with long serpentine bodies that possess a multitude of legs. Females have a body lay out that fits more with crabs and lobsters, as they have large pincers, long antenna and fewer functional legs than the males. The females also have a bulkier body, and their heads grow a large plow-like structure. Both of them have sensory pits on their head that allow them to detect scent, sound and even heat! They use them to track down prey, then they use their unique tools and bodies to take them down. For hunting, males use the speed of their snake-like bodies to ambush prey. Their forward most pair of legs have been modified into feeding appendages, which are used to seize a target and hold them tight. From their mouths come an orange fluid that is quite caustic, and they spew this acid all over the trapped creature. This aids in killing prey, and it also helps digest food before they have taken a single bite! For females, their hunting tactics are more slow and brutish. There is no stealth in their tactics, rather they locate potential prey and charge right at them. Due to this blatant tactic, females go more for animals that are big and slow. Those that are wounded and sick are also potential targets, and they will even scavenge off carcasses. Females essentially will eat whatever they can get. They will charge after living prey and use their sharpened nasal structure to stab and ram. When prey is knocked down, their powerful pincers will be used to rend and tear. These same claws will tear off chunks of meat to feed their mandibles as they pick through their kill. For years after their birth, males and females will live these separate lives, feeding on flesh and blood to help fuel their growth. After about eight to ten years, these individuals will get the yearnings for a mate and so begins their incredible transformation!

After reaching that special age, the female Bone Dragon will begin to leave scent markers on their territory that will catch a viable male's attention. These secretions pretty much announce to any male Bone Dragon that she is ready to mate, and those that come across these markers will hurry to find her. Interestingly enough, it seems that this only works on males that have also reached the proper age, as juveniles seem to ignore these markings. Viable males will track down the female and deal with any other males that are also after her. These disputes, however, are quite rare, as the territory of Bone Dragons are so large that her scent markings will only ever reach the snouts of two or three males. Often, it will be a single male that will find her, and they shall begin courting. During this process, the male and female will take a long time to smell and inspect one another, which probably is how they determine the health and strength of their potential mate. Other behaviors includes rubbing their snouts together and nipping at each other's antenna. If all goes well and the two decide to become mates, the male will climb onto her back and mount her. For this reason, female Bone Dragons have a groove that runs down their back, which are fenced by their dorsal spines. In this groove are two lines of special orifices, with over a dozen of these holes running along each. This is where the male will insert their legs, slowly and carefully settling themselves in the female's dorsal groove. The twin "tails" of the male are inserted into the female's abdomen, where they shall permanently remain. These "tails" are actually aedeagi that are used for reproduction purposes. When the male has finished this act and has settled in, the two will begin to "bond." What I mean by that is that the male and female will essentially fuse together so that their bodies are permanently attached! Special organs located in the female's dorsal orifices will begin to digest the male's legs, melting the exoskeleton so that it fuses with the outer walls. The male will respond by breaking down these limbs from the inside out, using the nutrients to fuel the growth of its nerves. His nervous system will extend into her body and connect with her own system. Their veins will also connect with one another, making it so that the two are practically one! This process is a slow one, often taking days to fully finish. Due to this, the mated pair will go to the female's lair to perform this, so that they are away from predators and the elements. As the process goes on, the female will become sluggish and unresponsive, almost in a state of half sleep. The male will be somewhat drowsy, but he will be lucid enough to react to any creatures that come too close. If you keep a good distance away, the two will hardly notice you, but if you start getting about a stone's throw away, he will most likely spew acid at you. When all is done and the two have fused their bodies together, you will at last get the famous image of the Bone Dragon! The male shall sit upon the female's back, his long body and head giving the impression of a skeletal neck and skull. Her antenna shall be the "wings" and her claws will be the legs. Now bonded, they shall be together for the rest of their lives. The two will work as one to take down prey, stock their cave with food and raise their young. Due to the fusing of their veins and nervous system, the pair work in perfect sync with each other. No one is sure how the two brains are able to function in this way, but you can clearly see that the two move with extreme grace and precision. While the female attacks prey with her claws, the male will easily lash out with his fangs and sharpened legs. Even when spewing acid, her movements will hardly affect his aim. Speaking of acid, remember when I mentioned that it was bright orange and highly caustic? I bet you can guess what that brings to mind when the male is spitting gobs of flesh burning fluid! Back to their connection, the male and female work in perfect unison to become incredible predators. There are hardly any creatures that are able to stand up to these beasts, as they have to fight against two at once! When prey is consumed, both heads shall eat at once. Each have their own set of organs to keep their own bodies going, but their connection helps serve as back up in case of injury. In one case, a fight had severely damaged the mouth of a mated male, which prevented him from eating until it could heal. Despite this injury, he never starved due to the nutrients supplied by the female. She would just eat all the food, and then transfer it through their bonded limbs! So strong is this connection that they are even able to function when one of their brains is destroyed! If the male's head is lopped off, she can still use her nerve connection to control his body and keep things working. If the female is killed, the male can still pilot her limbs so that he can move. Once again, this furthers the idea that Bone Dragons are undead creatures, as warriors who chop off the beast's skull will find that the battle is far from over! Sadly, while the death of the partner does not inhibit their body functions, it does seem to have a detrimental effect. Either their brain is overworked by trying to control two bodies at once, or the partner is grief stricken by the loss of their mate. Which ever it is, Bone Dragons that have lost their mate will live much shorter lives than healthy couples, their own health and strength deteriorating at a faster pace. Once the two have bonded and have sufficiently stocked up on food and fat, they shall get to laying eggs. Due to their arrangement, fertilization is quite simple and the female will lay dozens of sticky eggs. They will be deposited within a bone pile in their cavern, and the parents shall watch over them until they hatch. Once the young emerge, they shall crawl their way to the collected meat that their parents gathered and will gorge themselves. For weeks, the mated pair will bring food for their young so that they can grow big and strong. Once they reach a certain size and age, the young shall leave the cave and venture out on their own. While they do start out at a decent size and strength, many young Bone Dragons will fall to predators before they reach maturity. Very few shall make it to a breeding age, but this is something that this species accounts for. Mated pairs of Bone Dragons will continue to lay eggs and raise young for the rest of their lives, causing them to churn out hundreds, if not thousands, of eggs over their lifetime. With such numbers, it is a guarantee that these parents will eventually have a dozen or so offspring who reach adulthood.   Due to this bizarre relationship and their incredible appearance, Bone Dragons are interesting and terrifying creatures to the local populace. One shouldn't be surprised that people find these beasts scary and that they consider them to be quite the menace. With a large appetite and a vicious nature, Bone Dragons can be quite aggressive to anyone they come across, which gives them this nasty reputation. Their young also don't help with this image much, as they are equally hungry for flesh and blood. When the time comes for the young to leave their parents' cave, they can strike the countryside like a ravenous swarm. Herders and farmers who live near Bone Dragon territory may suddenly find their flocks besieged by these hungry tykes, as they instantly zero in on an easy food source. Towns located near their habitat will build fortifications to keep these creatures at bay, and many watchmen will always keep a look out for roaming adults. For a time, these creatures were seen as absolute monstrosities that had to be destroyed, but things recently took a rather interesting turn! After studies were done and word got out that Bone Dragons were pairs that mated for life, the public developed another image for this species. It seems that this fact has created some romance around these creatures, and people find a special symbolism in them. Though still seen as dangerous, Bone Dragons are also seen as romantic figures and symbols of marriage. This has led to gifts and jewelry being made from the carapace of juvenile Bone Dragons. The popular thing to do is to make two identical necklaces, one made from a male and the other from a female, and gift one of them to a loved one. The symbolism of a Bone Dragon seems to resonate the most with wedded warriors and hunters. Two powerful individuals who fight alongside one another in perfect unison, I think that fits pretty well! With all this romance and what not, it has led to an interesting change of heart when it comes to mated pairs. Before it used be that Bone Dragons had to be killed on sight, but now people are more inclined to drive them away but keep them alive. More of an effort is made to repel these beasts and prevent clashes from happening. This way these bonded couples can continue living as one, and the nearby towns can get a bit of tourism from these roaming creatures! Such a tale really warms the body for me, as I am always happy to hear when people become more accepting of those around them! Unfortunately, that only really applies to mated adults. The juveniles are often hunted and culled, as they are pests and they don't really carry that sentimental image. I guess I will take whatever victory I can get!   Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian ------------------------------------------------------------------ They have been mentioned practically any time I have written about dragons, but finally here they are! The Bone Dragon species is one that I have been trying to do for a long time, but I finally pulled it off! I really loved the idea of them being arthropods, and the concept of two being one was one I couldn't pass up! I love these guys, but I pretty much say that about anything I make!   Also they fill the "skeleton" requirement for any Halloween season!

#monster #creature #dragon #bone dragon #skeleton dragon #art #drawing #arthropod #bone

[datbugaintdead]

House Centipedes: Good!

They’re like the only kind of centipede thing that has a good ol’ face like a roach or a beetle. They can see nice and they’re really smart. But their butts have fake antennaes so you can’t tell which way they’re looking. 

They look really scary! The first time I ever saw one, I thought it was some kind of demon spider cockroach centipede! They scuttle and their legs are too long and they’re terrible to look upon. 

But!

They are not aggressive or poisonous! They normally will stay out of your way! (They can live in your house for like seven years and you might not know they’re there!) Guess what they eat? 

They’re natural pest control! They eat roaches, ants, spiders, wasps, silverfish, bedbugs, termites, like goddamn everything that you hate. And they really only hunt at night, which is even better! You can go to bed at ease knowing the house centipede is a one-man cleanup crew!

Think of him as your exterminator buddy! Yes, they’ll always be scary-looking and absolutely the stuff of nightmares, but it’s what’s inside that counts! They are friends!

[Note: I’m not saying they never bite. But they’re non-aggressive and smart enough to recognize that you’re too big to try to fight, so if you’re nice to them, they’ll leave you alone. Bites are pretty rare, and not a big deal. 

Also, important to understand that one or two house centipedes in your home are helpful! But if you start noticing a lot of house centipedes, you have a big underlying problem: lots of house centipedes means there’s lots of food for them to all eat. Which means you have a major pest issue on your hands and they had to call in backup. You should probably do something about it at that point]

#house centipede #bug psa #entymology #bugs #happy #friends #good bug #helpful bug #nice bug #learning #psa #bug tips #household bugs #insects #buddy

[teaandcharchives]

the Multi-Legged-Dirt-Noodle's Dilemma

Fandom: Homestuck, 

Pairing: davekat/Pre-davekat 

Word Count: 1248

Rating: T language and brief sexual references (of the same type as in canon)

Summary: Basically, Centipedes Dilemma, but will troll horns. blame @silver-tongues-blog for this

AO3 alternate

You’re beginning to think Dave doesn’t have a goddamn posture pole. You’ve already decided that instead of being made of muscle and tendons like normal creatures, humans must have been fabricated out of some bizarre polymer that stretches like the traction rings on a scuttlebuggy. Or at least Dave is. For all the time Kanaya spends with Rose, she hasn’t told you if this particular trait is something common to their species.

Although maybe Rose, with her desire to be refined, doesn’t just flop in bizarre or uncomfortable-looking positions the way Dave does. His favorite position when you first started watching movies, for some untenable reason, was sitting sideways with one leg thrown over the arm of the loungeplank. But over the course of your… whatever the fuck this is, he’s gotten more and more creative. Recently he’s taken to curling up to be half his natural height, so he can keep all of his limbs tucked onto the comfort squares while he lies sideways with his cheek pressed against your bony thigh. You can’t imagine how it’s comfortable, especially with the way it sets his sunglasses askew, and yet he stays there. He’s willing to sit- er, lay there for a two and a half hour romcom with complaints exclusively about the movie’s content as opposed to his own comfort.

Even if you don’t understand it, you can’t say you really mind. After all, he’s warm and his cheek is soft and after so long living in fear it just feels so nice to be this close to another person, even if they are a weird alien. It’s just that sometimes every now and then during certain parts of certain movies it can get a little… awkward to have him that intimately close to you. Like, um, right now. When the camera is zooming right in to one of the male lead’s horns, focusing more and more on the bright red segment and then cutting to the enamored face of the other male, who had been flipping between red and pale for him for so long and then male two reaches out and gently touches lead one’s hair, moving closer and closer. It’s such a common trope and a tame one at that. But with having Dave so close even that feels…

“Okay, seriously,” he says, cutting off your train of thought “Why the fuck do so many movies have like delicate hair-touches? Like, your hair is just hair, right? Wait, shit, unless… bugs don’t have hair, so do you guys have, like, millions of tiny antennas or something? Fuck, it is that, isn’t it? That’s why you all have spiky hair, isn’t it? But I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it getting longer, so does it just fuckin’ grow out as part of puberty or something? Or do you have to cut it to keep it short? Fuck, that would hurt like a bitch. Goddamn your species is fucking hardcore. I bet it’s like chopping off the tip of your finger or some shit. Like ‘well, Jimmy, picture day is coming up. Better cut off one of your goddamn knuckles so you can look all fuckin spiffy. Grandma’s gonna love seeing you with your little finger nubs!’”

“Dave, what the fuck are you talking about?” You ask.

“Did you guys get out of picture day? I guess your lusus…es wouldn’t have appreciated them that much, huh?”

“For your information, my lusus was a great lover of art!”

“Sure, buddy,” He sits up. “But for real, though, which is it? Do some of you just have real short antennas or do you cut ‘em?”

You scowl. “They’re not antennae. Which, by the way, is the plural for that word.”

“Sorry my planet blew up before I finished middle school,” he scoffs.

“Hair is just fucking hair, okay?”

“Then why do your movies focus on it so goddamn much?”

“It’s not about the hair, dumbass!”

“So what? Is it horns? Is it like a super sexy erogenous zone?”

“No!” you snap. God, you can feel your cheeks beginning to heat up. Why does he make you have these conversations?! “Fuck, Dave, you’ve managed to maintain a dazzling level of cultural insensitivity for the amount of these movies you watch!”

“So…?”

You sigh. “Look, it’s not necessarily sexual, just… intimate. I mean, they’re sensitive, so you can’t just let anyone touch them. It has to be someone you really trust.”

“Because you’re a total murder race. Right, right. But you have super sensitive feely things right on the top of your heads? That are literally brightly colored to draw attention to them? Like, that seems like a major oversight in the design plan you got there.”

“It’s not the whole thing, idiot. The yellow and orange parts are basically just like claws. You can feel if stuff bumps against them, but it’s only the root that’s really sensitive. It’s just like the… shit, what do you call it? Nail… bed I think? At least that’s what highbloods say.”

“Really? Huh.”

He sits back for a minute and looks down at his hand, and even though he’s trying to keep a straight face you can tell by the slight twitch of his lips and crease in his brow that he’s thinking. “So it’s more like you’ve got little rings of ‘aw fuck yeah, touch me please’ on your scalp.”

“I wish you wouldn’t fucking put it that way, but…I guess?”

“Uh-huh. And your hair is just hair.”

“Yes, Dave, we’ve gone over this.”

“So, like, how come you don’t pop a boner every time your hair shifts?”

You shake your head. “You’ve said a lot of dumb things, but that is the stupidest pile of shit I’ve ever-“ But now you feel it. Your hair does, actually, rub right up against the roots of your horns. And it doesn’t feel nice, it’s just awkward. How have you never thought of this before? Oh God, it’s been there the entire fucking time and you have never goddamn noticed.

“Wait, fuck is that actually happening? Shit dude, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s not arousing, bile-brain!” As you snap at him, you lean forward and feel it again. It makes you want to pull the neck of your sweater up over your head, but you know he’d just take that as confirmation.

“Uh huh,” you see the start of a smirk on his face.

“Look, do you ‘pop a boner’ as you so eloquently put it every time your leg coverings move slightly? No!” You freeze and look at him. Shit, what if he does?

“What? No! That’s gross, Karkat. Not to mention no one would ever get anything done.”

“Exactly!” You run your fingers through your hair, pointedly avoiding your horns. “It’s more like when you think about your taste slug and realize there’s no comfortable place for it to be in your squawk gaper!”

Dave pauses for a moment, and then groans.

“What?”

“Shit, I just translated that from Karkat into English. And now I don’t know what to do with my tongue. Fuck you, man.”

“Well fuck you too!” You turn your head sharply away and your fucking hair moves again.

At least for the moment you can take some satisfaction in knowing that despite Dave’s polymer-like anatomy, he won’t be able to sit fully comfortably until he actually manages to focus on the movie again. Of course, neither can you, but you’ll take your victories where you can get them.

#homestuck #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas

[tumblunni]

Thanks to Bogleech’s awesome review of fave FF7 monsters, for pointing out that I spent over a decade mistaking this thing for a spider. WHAT SERIOUSLY ITS BIPEDAL?? look at it, its just got two legs and its balanced really ballerina like despite its even more huge and spindly mantis arms. Seriously, those arent even used as legs?? AND IT DOESNT HAVE ANY OTHER LEGS?? Seriously i cant even just chalk it up to the bad resolution on my childhood TV, I scrolled down that article and was like ‘oh, that spider’ and did a double take when I read the caption.

Man this is like.. an underrated category of monsters. Stuff that resembles a real life animal but is actually a completely different sort of body plan that somehow creatively moves in a similar way to keep up the illusion. My fave FFIX monster (which bogleech also talked about in another great review!) kinda has this factor going on but for like.. 10% of a human? It looks like a gigantic severed head with its jaw missing, even though its actually some sort of bizarre slug/snail/crab maybe.

But what I really like is that it doesn’t just glide along on that false severed neck, they actually went out of their way to think about logical biology for this nonsense magic creature! Its ‘hair’ is actually a whole pile of tentacle-like super long centipede legs and if you pay attention you can see them scuttling mega fast when it ‘glides’. thats weirdly endearing, its working so hard! I’m kinda sad that this creature never got a bigger role beyond a random enemy, cos I can imagine all sorts of other interesting animations it could have, and other questions that went unanswered. I mean we only see the ‘hair’ scuttling, we don’t see if it actually has moveable joints all the way up to the hairline. Can it wave them all the way up? The anatomy seems to imply they wouldnt even look like a mass of tentacles but more like two humanlike hands with the front antennae serving as the thumbs. What does it even look like underneath?? And actually, where is its mouth? Cos we know it has half a human mouth there, but its also clear that it isnt actually a severed head and it has more of a mollusc like foot underneath. (Or, alternatively, they just didnt bother texturing its bottom side, but this game has such detailed textures that I doubt it.) So yeah there’s no throat or tongue underneath, and I mean it would be really painful and hard to eat if it was dragging its whole throat system around on a concrete floor all day. (If I recall correctly, you find these guys in a train station??) So maybe the teeth are more like those iron scales on that ultimate defense snail that lives in underground volcano vents. Just some sort of front-facing shield that evolved to resemble human face parts along with the rest of it.

...actually, man, I really wonder HOW or WHY an animal would camoflage as a giant ten foot tall human head. Who do you expect to fool...? I mean maybe for all we know this used to be a human. The lack of explanation the game gives on the ‘Mist’ that’s made of ‘expired souls’ and ‘causes abnormalities in the mind’ makes the monsters even scarier than they otherwise would be. And the fact people unknowingly use dead people juice to power airships and machines is kinda fucked up. And the fact that they knowingly do it knowing that it’s poisonous as fuck and creates scary ass monsters. i’m surprised we never got a plotline of something springing a leak and wiping an entire town off the map overnight. Though there are quite a few ruins and only one of them is really explained, so it could be fun to headcanon equivelant Tragic Disasters for the others. I’m sad we never got to see what those Mole People looked like, its subtly creepy that they’re the only type of anthro animal person missing in this world and nobody seems to remember or care. Also it sucks that we only got to have a description of the name and culture of one of these animal races, and only one of them was playable, and her story got totally shafted after disc 1. Alas Freya :( Also actually maybe that explains why the Qu race is such a strange sort of unexplained ‘monster people’, and the dwarves look like humans but green. Perhaps that’s just what happens when you live on a continent with a higher ambient Mist content, people don’t die but they end up evolving into cool magic power fantasy races. But then where did all the animal people even come from?? man I think I’m thinking too much about it XD fuck I love this game so much why did i read an article about it i need to replay it for the 15th time aaaa!! I always end up quitting after the intro tho cos i mean I’ve memorized the whole damn thing by now XD i hope someday maybe it’ll get an expanded remake of some sort, replaying it in higher res pc port of the original version is cool but its just an emulation really. aaaaa but this game is SO GOOD sorry bunni is rambling AAAAA WHY DO I GET SO EXCITED ABOUT GAMES!!!!

#blunni thoughts

[kariachi]

Looking through Bogleech​’s list of arthropods that have yet to be pokemon and putting down possible lines. Note, none of these are guarantees.

Bombardier beetle: steel->steel/fire maybe? or just go with the obvious bug->bug/fire

Ironclad beetle->Dung beetle: Bogleech mentions the dung beetles gathering riches instead of dung for an idea, and I think that’d be pretty cool to roll with especially if I make them dragon types. Pure dragon types. A beetle with coin scales maybe? Have the first stage eat metals and gems and the second gather them to raise their babies in

Grasshopper: Originally I was thinking grass, but maybe actually pure bug here. Because I’m thinking maybe this could be another farm-animal pokemon, of a sort. Like maybe that long abdomen hosts a symbiotic bond with a fruiting fungus or moss or something, producing a mass of fruiting bodies over the abdomen to give a sort’ve corncob look. The rest of it could go for a grasshopper/cow combo look, like maybe it knocks it’s wings together to give a sound like a cowbell, has chitin ‘horns’, and the base colors are black and white spots. Red and white for the shiny. You find them on farms, where people harvest the fruiting bodies they grow for consumption, like with Tropius. Not making it a grass type would just be a nice little switcharoo I think would be fun (Grairy?)

Ambush bug/Assassin bug: I want to say a pokemon super effective against bug types, that disguises itself as a grass-type to lure them in. I’ve been thinking my hamster pokemon would be covered in flowers (then it evolves into a guinea pig with grass ‘fur’, then a capybara with cattails and reeds for extra fuzzy bits, like a mustache and such) so maybe it’s a flying or fire type that disguises itself as a group of them? Or a rock type? Depending on the type could change what it uses at it’s flowery disguise, feathers, fire, or either gem or actual flowery outgrowths

Velvet worm: I like Bogleech’s concept here as well, for a bug/ice type that shoots freezing compounds at it’s prey, but I think I’d also add the idea that they burrow (which the actual thing doesn’t do). So you find them by following their burrowing through deep snow (think whatever was under the snow on Krampus), and that’s what they do when following you (of course this region would have pokemon following you mechanics). If you leave the cold areas with it it burrows through the topsoil. It learns Dig through level up.

Thrips: I have just heard of these things and I think I would stick with bogleech’s bug/electric, but change the theme up a bit. Since I’m considering Eri as the base for the region, they could maybe the speedy little pollinators, zipping up and down flowering vines like powerlines, and straight up on powerlines in areas with them. Instead of the plants themselves they feed on nectar and electricity, and are considered symbols of protection against lightning and fertility (1. because pollinators, and 2. because I see that shape). Give them little radio antennae and a lightning bolt stripe down the back and you’re good

Bolas Spider: Okay, I kinda wanna combine this with a hermit crab? A crab/spider critter that spins silk line it uses to actually fish. Bug/water (I’m still salty Surskit is so alone and so perfect), starts without a shell but when it evolves it starts wearing a Cloyster shell for defense. Or at least the shell of a suitable counterpart from the region. Like a buggy counterpart to the Slowpoke line. Or at least a You can even give it a spiders eight eyes on a crab’s eyestalks! That’d be fun!

Harvestman/Cellar Spider: I really like the idea of playing up the ‘daddy long legs’ angle? Maybe a bug/flying type that uses it’s silk to make ‘wings’ between it’s legs that it uses to glide., while also doubling as a tent when it’s on the ground that it uses to shelter smaller pokemon. For the main body, you could have it based on some sort’ve dog, to play up that cute face on the one harvestman. English sheepdog maybe, so it sort’ve obscures the dogness while the long fur mellows the drop into the long (long) legs. Make this thing like, adult height. You could even have it be like Kangaskhan, always seen with a few babies tucked underneath it. Little white and grey fluffballs.

House centipede: Bug/fairy, feeds on emotions, is a fucking hairclip. Has butterfly-like wings and too damn many legs, nestles onto people and other pokemon to feed off them. Not as popular as Nelidarf, but have their fans

Sea spider: I was thinking I’d like to do something with slimemolds, and while I’m not sure what the fuck I would do here, this may be something to keep in mind for a base form.

Triops: Also not sure what I would do with them, but keeping them on here because possible evolution for the thrips? Become aquatic upon evolving, lose one of their types and gain water?

Deep sea amphipod: Okay I am kinda inspired by the image up on the site, but stay with me here- amphipod/ant combo. Three stage evolution, starts bug/ice and then evolves into a bug/flying that’s just, not good in battle (could have great moveset for contests though, and be very pretty- or maybe it’s just me that think alates are kinda pretty) and then the females back into bug/ice types that’s just, massive compared to the base form. But here’s where it gets really fun- while the base form is very ant in form and function, the third stage is very much one of these spiny amphipods, and while for the most part colonies function like ant colonies (the amphipod births all the ants in the colony, things like that) the ants don’t go too far out of their way to hide their queen. Instead the way they hunt is to dig a pit trap and leave her spiky-self at the bottom to kill whatever falls in (maybe that’s an obstacle in snowy areas, if you fall into one of their traps you have to fight the queen). Maybe give her ability that reduces fire damage, ‘permafrost’ or something, and make her a defensive little shit as opposed to her more offensively-oriented children

So, that’s eleven potential arthropod lines, all of them varying degrees of fleshed out and varying degrees of interesting.

Yay

#achi's fakedex #again none of these here are guaranteed to come over #that is just #a lot of bugs #which i'm sure the man himself would enjoy but come on #let's not make the whole dex bugs #you can really see my process as you go on here #start out very basic and work up to fuckgin paragraphs

[soulless-slytherin-sleuth]

Libraries and Bugs

Prompt: Your hands meet reaching for the same book with Castiel x Reader

Warnings: Language, and A Very Large Bug, if that is not your thing then stay away from this fic :)

Word Count: About 1,100???

Tagging @beckawinchester and @boredoutofmymindwriting

A/N: This is my fic for Becka and Johanna’s Challenge! It was fun to write, but I kind of took it in a wacky direction. Also, this is a heads up, but this is my first time writing Cas and it’s probably the strangest fic I’ve ever written. Anyway, as always, feedback is appreciated, and I hope you enjoy!

You pulled your blue pickup truck into the town’s library parking lot and prayed there would be a decent selection of lore books. You’d hate to waste an afternoon that could have been dedicated to hunting. The doors creaked open and you saw only an old man behind a large desk piled with books. The rest of the sleepy place seemed to be deserted.

“Pardon me,” you said, unconsciously smoothing your slightly wrinkled army jacket. The man glanced up at you from behind thick glasses. “Could you point me in the direction of your Mythology section?”

“It’s that way,” he said in a soft voice, pointing with a wrinkled hand. “Just beyond Historical Fiction.”

“Thanks,” you said, heading off in that direction. Your steps were muffled by an aged carpet that erupted with dust with each footfall. Passing the towering shelves lit by the late afternoon sun, you ran your thumb along cracked spines until you found the a section of books that might be useful. You reached toward them when someone else’s hand collided with yours. You jumped back, biting back a gasp from the static electric shock that resulted from the touch.

You barely managed to stop from whipping out the gun held against your back. Taking in the sight of the guy who you SWEAR wasn’t standing behind you two seconds ago, you forced your hammering heart to calm down. Soft blue eyes met your own, and the man cleared his throat quietly. “I am sorry for startling you,” he rumbled.

“It’s - fine,” you whispered, looking around for anyone else who might have appeared out of thin air. You moved to take the books, but he stopped you.

“I require those books,” he said, pointing to the entire Mythology section.

You rolled your eyes. “Well, tough. I was here first.”

“I do not understand why the order of our respective arrivals dictates who receives these books. I need them more, so I should be the one to take them.”

You were slightly dumbfounded by his straightforward way of speaking, but nevertheless, you were not about to be told what to do. “I think I may have seen this book over - oH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT?” You pointed at nothing on the opposite wall and barely waited for him to turn around before snatching up the lore books and bolting out of there. The man at the library desk was snoring loudly, which you thanked your lucky stars for as you sprinted out of the building.

You drove back to the motel you were staying at wearily. It had been a weird afternoon, to say the least. You pulled into a parking spot and gathered up your armful of books from the passenger seat. Walking up to your door, you fumbled for your keys and threw it open.

You did not, however, walk into your motel room.

You did not saunter into your motel room.

You did not waltz into your motel room.

In fact, you were unable to do anything at all except freeze and bite back the most horrible sound that the human ear can hear, which is a scream of pure terror, because of that thing which was on the opposite wall.

It was the biggest fucking centipede you had ever seen.

It was at least a foot long, with a slimy looking blackish red body, long tickling legs, and a hideous pair of antennae to top it all off. You stood frozen in the doorway, unable to do anything, every hair on your body standing on end. You cursed yourself for taking a case in South Carolina: Disgusting Bug Heaven. Who knows how long you would have stood there if someone hadn’t tapped you on the shoulder?

“Excuse me,” a familiar voice said. “Are you alright?”

It took every ounce of energy you possessed not to leap backwards into the stranger’s arms. He tapped you again, then brushed by you to look at your face. He followed your gaze when you did not respond, and made a noise of understanding upon seeing the thing.

“Would you like me to take the centipede outside?” He asked you, as if it were just another annoying pest that had gotten into your room instead of the mother of all that is evil in this world.

You were biting your lip too hard to speak, so you forced yourself to nod. The man gently lifted you up and deposited you beside your truck, where you stood stock still. He then went back into the room. If you didn’t know any better, you could have sworn he was talking to the thing. He came out a few moments later, shooing it outside in front of him. Once he determined it was a fair distance away he came back to you.

“Now are you alright?”

You felt the scream coming, but not wanting to make the world think you were being murdered, you pressed your face into the man’s trench coat to muffle the unholy sound. You felt him tense up, before awkwardly placing on hand across your waist and the other on top of your head, stroking your hair.

You let yourself scream for twenty seconds. That’s it. Then you shut your mouth and pulled away.

You took a big, cleansing breath.

“I’m sorry,” you said, frowning when you swallowed and tasted blood. You brought your hand up to your chin and found that you had bitten through your lip.

The guy looked so confused, you felt sorry for him. “I don’t understand.”

“I hate c-centipedes,” you said, struggling to even get the word out of your mouth.

“No, I understand that, I just do not comprehend your sudden change in mood. You were just screaming into my trench coat,” he said, bringing his hand up to wipe the blood that was trickling down your chin.

“I’m a hun-” you caught yourself before you completely gave away your occupation. “To do my job, you have to get over things pretty fast. Thanks so much for getting that thing you of my room,” you gave a shaky smile. “I’m Y/N.”

“Castiel,” he stuck out his hand for a handshake. You looked at his hand.

“You didn’t… touch that thing, did you?”

Castiel smiled, eyes crinkling. “No, Y/N, I did not.”

You shook his hand.

“Well, I have to get back to work,” you said, gesturing to your motel room. You turned to go. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Wait,” Castiel said. “I removed the centipede from your room, so it would seem that you owe me a favor. And I need those books, which, if I may remind you, you stole from the library and from me.”

You smirked. “I need them too, buddy. So unless you want to read them together…,” you trailed off sarcastically.

“That will do,” Castiel said, walking into your room.

“I didn’t… I wasn’t…. Oh well,” you muttered, realizing that he was not listening to you.

You shrugged, a smile tugging at the edges of your lips. Those lore books were always boring, anyway.  Maybe reading them with Castiel would make things a little more… interesting.

#snpfic #beckaandjohannaschallenge #readerfic #reader x castiel

[evolutionsvoid]

When it comes to dealing with the flora and fauna of the world, many assume that the larger a creature is, the more dangerous they are. Things like dragons, basilisks and wendigos spring to mind when one thinks of the dangers of the wild. I could not say that they are 100% wrong, as there are large beasts that pose quite a threat, but many let the little ones slip by. Not everything needs to be a massive, fire breathing dragon to be threatening. In fact, it is often the smaller, less imposing creatures that end up claiming unwary adventurers in the end. Some little colorful frog or an unassuming wasp that leaves its unwitting victims choking for air with swollen throats. From my experience, it is best that anyone who ventures into the wilds be wary of any strange creature they meet. If you cannot identify it, it is best to keep a distance until you know what its deal is. That usually helps, unless they can lob acid or have lethal gazes. At that point I don't know what to tell you. Of little critters that cause big problems, the Insanipede is a famous case. When originally discovered, this colorful creature dazzled its viewers and was seen as a beautiful, exotic pet. The vibrant colors, interesting patterns and unique antenna shape made for a fascinating looking critter that wealthy buyers loved to show off. No one thought twice about these creatures as they scooped them up and sold them off to rich pet owners. Sure, a few collectors would vanish in the jungles as they sought these centipedes out, but that surely had to be because of jaguars and anacondas, right? No way a foot-long centipede could do anything of that caliber, right? Well, as time went on, people began to realize that the Insanipede (which was not named that at the time) was not as wonderful as they thought.

Living the jungles and rainforests, the Insanipede has to deal with a number of threats and predators. At such a small size, it could easily become a meal for anything with teeth or a beak. To survive in this harsh world, the Insanipede turned to venom. Like other centipedes, they do not use fangs, but rather modified legs to jab into attackers. When threatened, they will flare out their extravagant antenna and raise their heads like cobras. If the opponent dares to come any closer, they will lash out and inject their potent venom. That is when things will turn towards the worst for the victim. The venom of an Insanipede is pretty much famous at this point. Some call it "Madman's Nectar" or "Crazy Juice." This is because the venom of an Insanipede attacks the nervous system of the victim. While other neurotoxins go for paralysis, this one goes a slightly different route. Rather than locking up the body, it seems to overstimulate the nervous system and assault the body with a barrage of erratic signals. Effects from this venom is twitching, seizing, spasms and, above all, uncontrollable laughter. In some parts of the world, some call the "Insanipede" the "Ticklepede" instead, and that is because of this symptom. As if being tickled, the victim will essentially curl up into a ball, fall into spasms and laugh uncontrollably for minutes on end. This is much more brutal and torturous than it sounds, though. When injected with Insanipede venom, there is no stopping the effects or even controlling them. Your entire body will seemingly be hijacked as you thrash about and laugh until your throat is raw. Your chest will burn, your muscles will ache and many receive bruises from smacking their twitching limbs on the environment. After a few minutes, the venom will subside, and the victim will regain control. Even then, lingering effects do occur. Spontaneous bouts of giggling can occur for days on end, and involuntary twitches follow as well. That is if you are in a safe environment. Explorers and collectors who are bitten in the jungles rarely survive long enough to let the effects dwindle. Turns out, being paralyzed by laughter in the middle of a ravenous jungle makes you a pretty good target. I have heard chilling tales of people who were torn to shreds by predators or swallowed whole by massive snakes, all while laughing the entire time. As the craze for these colorful centipedes grew, the more incidents of people being bit did as well. Odd stories of servants finding their masters sprawled on the floor in a fit of giggles came out, which sellers were quick to squash. Since the market was so big, those who sold these creatures wanted these undesired side effects left out of the news. When people began to die from these effects, the truth came out, and the want for these creatures plummeted. Turns out, people don't like having venomous pets slithering about, especially ones that were good at escaping their cages. As the effects of the venom were learned, the name Insanipede was placed on the species, and has remained ever since. No longer a popular pet (except for danger-loving collectors and "edgy" pet owners), the Insanipede gained new love from many different fields. Toxicologists and poison makers were intrigued by the effects, and wished to learn more about it. Others found use for it in assassinations and defamation. It is especially popular when one wishes to falsely accuse someone of insanity. A famous case that exemplifies this was when a rich baron wished to remove a troublesome wife without any harm to his reputation. As his wife spent his fortune on jewels, dresses and robes, he began to spread stories that she was a woman obsessed. Rumors that she was secretly crazy, and that he worried for her safety. No one would lock her up just on words alone, but a few subtle injections of Insanipede venom by goons during a grand ball did the trick. The cackling woman broke down before the whole crowd, and medics rushed to cart her away. The baron played the concerned, grieving husband, until his stash of Insanipedes were found by the authorities. Another use of Insanipede venom is in the field of recreational drugs. Combing it with certain liquids allows the effects to be downplayed, but still cause stimulation in the nerves. The tickling sensation it causes has been enjoyed by certain drug users, and the moniker "Crazy Juice" goes well with it. At this point I feel that I should point out that multiple doses of the venom can cause irreparable damage to the nerves and brain. A single bite, or a few stretched over the years will do nothing, but those who indulge in its effects constantly may find the symptoms lasting much, much longer. Just a warning to those who may find "Crazy Juice" as a fun time. It's all fun and games until your legs don't stop twitching. Lastly, to go with this, is the answer to the question that many have asked me: Have you ever been bitten by one? It goes in line with the study of stinging insects and animals that cause strange effects to the body. Many just have to ask if you ever felt its effects, which is one many natural historians have indeed answered with "yes." I don't know how I could truly describe it, but there is some morbid curiosity that comes with studying such creatures. When dealing with stinging wasps or venomous ants, you just have to wonder "how does it feel?" Of course I am not talking about creatures that could kill you with a sting, I am speaking of those who simply cause pain or strange (and non-permanent) effects. I already know some are wondering "why on earth would you be curious about that?!" but many have indulged in this very curiosity. Some natural historians I know have even begun constructing a pain index based on all the different stinging insects they have encountered! They actually try measuring it! So you see? It is not that weird! So when you ask, have I been bitten, I will actually have to say.....yes. I assure you that I was in no danger at the time, I was actually at the house of a colleague at the time. They focused their research on jungle based species and the rich diversity that grew within those green worlds. I had been staying at his place at the time, having recently arrived in the area to do my own studying. While we were chatting, the subject of the Insanipede came up and he had asked me if I had ever been bitten. I had told him "no," and he asked if I wanted to, which threw me for quite the loop! I, at first, was confused at the proposition, but he assured me that there was no danger. Insanipede bites only last for a few minutes, and do not cause damage if in a safe environment and spaced out properly. He had been bitten some time before, and talked about how strange the experience was. It surely was uncomfortable, but he claimed that it satisfied a bizarre curiosity he didn't realize he even had. I still jokingly curse him about this, but his talking began to infect me with that same curiosity! Surely I wouldn't want something like that to happen to me, but what would it feel like? I couldn't help but wonder at its effects, and before I knew it, I accepted his offer. Who knows what was I was thinking at the time, but I just had to see for myself. We went into his study, where he had an Insanipede somewhere in his large collection of jungle insects. Finding a safe place for this experiment to occur, he carefully removed the specimen and placed it on my arm. With some goading, the Insanipede bit me, and was quickly removed by my friend. He sealed it back in its tank and watched over me as the effects kicked in. At first, nothing happened. As the second ticked by, I assumed that my plant biology was immune to its effects. That had to be the case. That was, until, my arm started to twitch, and I started to feel an itchy sensation spread throughout my body. My arm began to shake, and pin pricks seemed jab into all parts of my body. My colleague caught me as my legs gave out, and he carefully laid me on the floor. Then the spasms kicked in, my whole body heaving and shuddering as every fiber of my being flipped out. Suddenly a giggle escaped my throat. I knew that the venom did this, so I tried my best to suppress the coming laughter. My efforts did absolutely nothing. Before I even realized it, I was laughing my cap off and had zero control over it. I was just shaking on the floor, cackling like a madwoman, and I was powerless to stop it. Even as my chest started to burn and I started gasping for air, I just kept laughing and laughing. It was kind of creepy, that feeling. I always imagined that this was what it would feel like if I was possessed. No control, no power, but yet, your body keeps moving and your voice keeps speaking. I felt trapped in my own bark, unable to regain control of this runaway cart. Then, it began to fade, thankfully. When I regained control, my limbs were sore and I was having a hard time catching my breath. There was no real, horrible pain, just the uncomfortable sensation that clung to me. I had to deal with an occasional twitch for the next few days, and I think I spooked some locals when I suddenly started giggling in the middle of the market. In the end, though, it was not an experience I regretted. Like he said, it fulfilled a curiosity I didn't know I had. So when someone asks what it feels like, I can describe it quite well! If someone asks if I would choose to be bitten again, I would quite confidently say NO! I am curious, not stupid. Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian

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