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tacticaldiary · 6 months

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A Fighting Chance

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

"When was the last time you kissed me and meant it?" Her voice drops into something akin to defeat.

And Simon...Simon feels like the rug's been pulled from under his feet.

Part 2, Masterlist,

"What're those?"

"Papers."

Ghost pauses halfway through opening the document, glancing up at the curtness of her voice. "Papers? She doesn't meet his eyes, gaze fixed on the table of the little booth they're sitting in.

The ice in her drink is long gone, watering down her coffee into something that tastes as bitter as her heart.

It had taken months for her to finally make this decision. Days of talking with her lawyer, crying alone at night and coming to the gruelling acceptance that this was for the best. It was best for both of them.

There's not many things that unsettle Simon. He's had blood stain his hands; his own, his comrades, and his enemies. Had almost any injury you could think of marring his skin, been prodded and ripped into, been the one on the opposite end of the knife.

But as he slides out the documents, turns them over, Simon's never felt more apprehensive.

He stills, reading the first few lines, clenching his jaw. "What is this?"

"I want a divorce."

And something in him crumbles at her defeated tone. Like she's already decided. Like he doesn't even have a chance to ask why or talk it through.

"No." He says tightly, putting them down and crossing his arms.

Her gaze shoots to his. "You can't just say that."

"I did. I won't sign them."

"I want this." She argues, and Simon swallows back the lump in his throat at how utterly tired she looks.

"I don't."

She's the light of his life, the one good, untouched piece of joy he gets to see. Something other than the bloodshed and violence he lives in.

"Simon," She says, shoulders sagging forward. "I can't do this anymore."

"This isn't the solution, love." He feels like his skin is crawling, the beginnings of unfamiliar panic clawing at his chest when she doesn't react to the pet name.

Doesn't smile, doesn't flush that beautiful red, doesn't squirm.

When she doesn't respond again, tight-lipped and clammed up and so determined to not look at him, he asks the question burning a hole through his tongue.

"Why?"

Deep down he knows. Knew this was coming but that part of him is buried under the thudding of his heart, and the rush of blood in his ears. Everything feels deathly still and moving too fast at the same time.

"Why?" She repeats, something in her stirring at the question. Her brow furrows and she switches from a cautious indifference to disbelief and frustration quicker than Simon can process. "Are you serious?" She huffs out an incredulous laugh. "You're away for months at a time and I'm supposed to what? Wait for you at our doorstep and wag my tail all happy when you finally come back to me?" Her grip tightens on her drink.

"Even when you are home, it's never about us. Never about me and you. You lock yourself in your study with your work, don't talk to me unless you come out for dinner or lunch. When was the last time we went out?" She demands. "When was the last time we went on a date? The last time we slept at the same time in the same bed?"

Simon clenches his jaw but says nothing, at a loss for words. It only encourages her to keep going, spewing thoughts that have been boiling over for the past few years.

"You barely look at me when we're home, I had to drag you out of the house to get here! You left halfway through our anniversary dinner last year because work called you in. Sometimes...sometimes I feel like you're only with me because it's easier than leaving and starting over, and that fucking hurts. It hurts when you can't bear to spend five minutes with me away from work. I've been telling you this for ages but you just...you don't listen to me." She leans forward, drink completely forgotten and hits the final nail in the coffin.

"When was the last time you kissed me and meant it?" Her voice drops into something akin to defeat.

And Simon...Simon feels like the rug's been pulled from under his feet.

"I never even know if you're coming home to me." Her voice cracks, and she hugs her middle, taking a deep breath to steady herself. "So yes, Simon, I want to separate. I'm not happy, not like I was when I met you." A sheen of tears she refuses to let fall.

"You can focus on work like you love to, and I can...I can move on."

It was so good when they started out. She found him endearing, dry humour and brooding and all. It was special, those first few years, and she'll always care about him but this...this waiting, this hurting, laying in bed at night alone and cold and crying...it wasn't right. It wasn't what she wanted and she wouldn't force Simon to want it when he clearly didn't want to.

"Fucking hell, I love you." Simon says quickly, stumbling over what to say. He reaches out for her hand on the table, but she pulls it away before he can grab it. It stings more than he can convey, makes the reality crashes down onto him.

He's about to lose her.

Because he couldn't fucking bear to pull himself out of being 'Ghost'.

It was always a rough couple of weeks during his leave. The adjustment to civilian life was a slow one for him, but that's not really an excuse at all.

"I don't think you do."

Simon blinks at her like she's slapped him. "You...you don't think so?" He repeats, running a hand through his hair. She nods, one nod, quick and so sure that it makes his chest ache.

Fuck. He's absolutely messed up.

"Everything's finalised on my end." She says. "You just need to sign them." Her voice is soft, almost like she's coaxing him.

If there's one thing he knows, it's that he's not touching those fucking papers. He's not losing someone he loves again.

"I'll take time off." He says, the intensity of his gaze makes a shiver run down her spine. "We can work through it, yeah? You can't spring this on me and not give me a chance to protest."

She shakes her head, "You're only taking time off because I'm upset." She tries to explain. "What do you think is going to happen? We spend a month together doing what we used to, and when everything's a little more stable you leave again. Distance yourself. Shut me out. Then we're back to square one."

"Won't happen." He says like he hasn't been doing it for the past few years already. "You...I can't lose you, darling." He leans forward. "Let me make it better. Give me a few months-"

"Simon-"

"A week."

"A week?" Her eyes widen. "A week to...what, prove that you'll change?"

"One week."

She worries her lip between her teeth, considering. One week wasn't a long time, but hope was dangerous in a situation like this.

"I'm not letting you go over something like this." Simon says. "I can't."

"This isn't about you." She crosses her arms. "You really think you can turn just...reverse the past few years in a week?" Maybe it's foolish of her to want him to say yes, to fight for her and realise that she's been hurting, but goddamn doesn't a small part of her scream at him to do it anyway.

"Not trying to reverse it." He folds his arms, and she can see the tense line of his shoulders as he takes in the situation, gears turning in his head as he plans how he's going to work his way out of a situation so precious and daunting as this.

Part of him didn't think it would ever come to this. Yes, he can be cold and aloof but Simon thought she knew that he loved her through it all. No matter what.

When was the last time you kissed me and meant it?

Fuck if that doesn't tear through his chest more painfully than any caliber bullet ever could.

He takes her in quietly for a moment.

The woman he fell in love with. The person that gave him a reason to keep going, a motive to feel anything other than the cold efficientness of loading a gun and firing. Soft touches and warm smiles, something so at odds with the rough life he's used to.

Sitting there in front of him, she looks more beautiful than he remembers, and it only proves to make his stomach sink like a stone at the notion of seeding any doubt about his feelings in her heart.

A right fucking bastard he was for it.

"I'm sorry." He breathes out, much softer than the gruff voice he's been using with her. "I'll do better. Just give me a chance, yeah?"

For one horrible moment, Simon thinks she'll decline. That she'll slide over the papers again and demand he sign them.

But she considers his words for a moment before nodding once.

And it's all he needs.

A fighting chance.

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Part 2

(11/10/2023)

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neptuneiris · 5 months

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Behind the Scenes (01/05)

Behind the Reencounter

pairing: actor!aemond × fem!reader

summary: Due to your work as a make-up artist and wardrobe assistant, you meet Aemond, a very successful young actor with whom you work and all professional relationship breaks down and a secret relationship arises, until you get pregnant and decide to run away from him so as not to ruin his successful and promising career. After almost two years, you and he unexpectedly meet again.

word counter: 7.6k

series masterlist • next part

hello! i'm back with another mini series! yay!

god, i'm so excited about this, it's nothing like what i've written before but the excitement and inspiration got the better of me.

also i must say that i had seen stories with this plot about daddy aemond and i wanted to make my own, adding angst, which i know you like and a story that i came up with that i really hope you like a lot:)

without more to say, enjoy beautiful people, I look forward to your comments, don't leave me without knowing what you think please!

warnings: angst, language, sexual content, smut

Your state of nervousness and anticipation is not much of help when it comes to the first day of your new job.

The film studio is a world of constant activity and you know that just on your first day it's going to be hectic. At least in your area which is Wardrobe and Makeup, it's a completely active area and you have to be available almost all the time.

You let out a long breath and before you leave, you stop in the studio's small nursery where your son, Aenar, barely a year old, spends his day while you work on set.

You can't help but watch him with adoration, a certain sadness and longing, for nothing would make you happier than to stay here with him, but you know you can't afford it.

These last few months have been hard, your income has been complicated and you need the money from this new job to be able to survive and make sure nothing is missing for him, your little boy.

Aenar crawls on the floor, exploring the world around him, while the woman in charge keeps her distance from you and him, taking care of other children. And when his big, curious blue eyes look up at you, he lets out a giggle of joy and stretches out his arms to you.

You bend down with him and take him in your arms tenderly and adoringly.

"You don't want me to leave, do you?" you murmur fondly as you leave a kiss on his cheek.

He babbles excitedly, unable to formulate coherent words, but his smile completely lights up your insides and you respond with giggles and smiles.

You take advantage of the little time you have before work to play and laugh with him for a moment. But eventually your time to leave arrives.

You leave a kiss on his forehead and with a sigh of defeat, you say goodbye.

"Mommy has to go but she'll be back soon, okay, my little dragon?"

His little hands explore for a second all over your face, making you laugh and you leave a couple more kisses on both of his chubby cheeks, loving to hear his laughter and loving to see the huge smile he places on his pink lips.

"I love you, sweetheart."

You leave one more kiss on his forehead and make sure one last time to cover his head well with his cap, taking advantage of the fact that it's November and Winter has arrived to hide his straight hair.

You distract him with all the colorful toys that are distributed on the floor for all the children and take the opportunity to leave, otherwise he will cry if he sees you leaving. You exchange a look of understanding with the woman in charge and finally head back to your workplace.

The trailer door opens with a soft creak as you enter, feeling the mixture of excitement and nervousness run down your spine. You had been looking forward to this moment with anticipation, but also apprehension.

For you knew that your past would come back to haunt you.

But you know you need to be here.

The first thing you see are the lighted mirrors with their respective chairs and vanities in front of them, where makeup and wardrobe experts hurry to prepare the actors for the day's filming.

A scent of pressed powder and beauty products fills the air, creating a familiar atmosphere. And when you barely have time to absorb the scene, a brown-haired girl approaches you with an enthusiastic, warm smile.

"Hi! Y/N, right? The new makeup artist."

She points at you with her index finger and a thoughtful look, without wiping away her smile.

"Hi, yes, it's me," you nod to her, as you return the small smile.

"Perfect! I'm Jess, the wardrobe assistant," she extends her hand to you in a friendly gesture, "Nice to meet you and welcome!"

You can't help but be relieved by the friendly reception, then shake your hand with hers.

"Nice to meet you too, Jess. Thank you for having me."

"Oh we're so excited to have you here, I've been looking forward to your arrival," she confides, "Let me show you where you can drop your stuff off and then I'll give you directions, okay?"

Again you nod, grateful for the kindness of Jess, who leads you toward a row of lockers where you can store your things, then gives you directions.

"First, let's go over the schedule for the day," she tells you, opening a folder with the itinerary for the shoot. "We have this first scene where we need to make sure every detail is perfect. And you'll be in charge of the wardrobe for the main characters today."

She indicates without losing the kindness in her tone and you nod, understanding.

"So, take the wardrobe list for each actor and check that we have everything in order."

He hands you a detailed list, making sure that you with your new addition are aware of every detail.

"After that, we'll move on to makeup," she instructs you, "Sam, our talented makeup artist, will give you a brief orientation on the look we're going for. Don't worry, she's amazing and will guide you through the whole process."

Jess grabs a pair of robes and hands them to you.

"Now, let's get to work on the wardrobe. When you've gone through everything, head over to the makeup area, okay?"

Again you nod, understanding the directions perfectly and dive into your tasks with enthusiasm, getting off to a very good start and feeling completely comfortable.

Besides, this is nothing you haven't done before, as way back when you used to work for the BBC television network right here in King's Landing as well, this was your job, so there's nothing new or complicated for you.

When Jess, frantically going through her checklist, looks up at you.

"Oh, Y/N, we need more pins for costume fixes. Could you go to the prop depot and get a package, please? I'd really appreciate it."

You nod with a small smile.

"Sure, I'll be right back."

With a determined pace, you step out of the trailer and head to the depot which isn't far away and start looking for the package, which you didn't think would take you some time since there are so many packages of different things mixed up.

You search through many huge boxes, until you finally find the package of pins and let out a relieved sigh.

You leave the huge room and close the door behind you, walking back. And as you walk, as you pay attention to your surroundings, you feel a mixture of nostalgia and nervousness, as these hallways, permeated with the buzz of film activity, take you back to memories you've been trying to bury.

You let out a long breath, not wanting to think about it now, and concentrate on your work.

As you enter back into the trailer, everything is immersed in a constant murmur of conversations and the activity of preparations, at the same time as the trailer door closes with a soft click behind you.

You are about to enter the area where the tables and chairs and mirrors and everyone else are when you hear a somewhat familiar voice in a distant echo in the middle of it all, completely stopping your footsteps.

"…they said at the training scene I wasn't supposed to look any different in particular."

You frown, thinking that maybe you're mishearing and are mistaking that voice for someone else's.

But still you advance just three steps, sharpening your hearing with a wary face, waiting, wanting to make sure.

"And which one of these for that scene?" you hear one of the girls in charge of wardrobe.

You wait for the answer from that attentive and completely cautious voice, thinking that it must probably be a figment of your mind that wants you to believe things that aren't.

"I think the brown one," you hear that voice say back to the girl.

Your heart stops completely in that instant.

No.

It can't be.

You think completely incredulous and terrified.

You stand completely paralyzed and with a face of total shock as the sound of that voice continues to echo softly throughout the interior of the trailer, flowing conversation between him and the makeup artist.

The pulse in your throat beats with a mixture of surprise and anxiety, suddenly losing strength in your body, so you lean against one of the walls as you feel an emotional vertigo begin to emerge.

All those buried memories, suddenly resurface, as it is no imagination of yours and you know it is him because his voice has not changed and you could recognize it anywhere.

It is him.

He is here.

You close your eyes for a moment, trying to regain control of your emotions, but you can't, and you can't believe this is happening right now, on your first day of work.

Completely cautious, you slowly peek out, wanting to be even more sure and wanting to see that it's all just your mind making it up.

But as soon as you catch a glimpse of that signature flash of platinum hair, your heart rate begins to race faster than normal.

And there he is, with his hair pulled back in a small low bun as he discusses the details of the scene with the makeup artist, a scene that resonated with similarities to moments you and he shared in the pass.

Disbelief completely invades your eyes and your entire face as you watch him, surprised to see him after exactly one year since that day. You notice every gesture and every feature that is still etched in detail in your mind.

He, oblivious to your presence, continues the conversation, but something in your expression begins to tremble.

You go back in time to the spark you both shared in the corridors of that studio, the looks of complicity, the many nights you shared together and the whispers in the dim light of the dressing rooms.

But you also remember that day, when you saw him completely frustrated but willing to be there for you, where his manager and his entire team talked to him about the consequences and you also remember everything he promised you, on hidden, which is why you decided to run away when you were only three weeks pregnant with him.

A lump forms in your throat and standing there, watching him, after so long, tears begin to invade your eyes.

But Jess announces your presence as she emerges from the back where the dressing rooms are, watching you at the entrance completely static and with a look she can't instantly identify.

"Y/N! There you are! Did you get the pins?"

And that's when it happens.

Saying your name loud enough for everyone inside the trailer to hear, it catches his attention, who confused and attentive watches where Jess is heading and that's when the gazes meet.

And in that instant, a spark of recognition crosses the face of Aemond, Aemond Targaryen, the man you decided to run away from so as not to ruin his career and the father of your child.

His healthy eye opens wide and surprise and disbelief overcome him as he sees you, right there, less than five meters away from him, the woman who carried his child with her and whom he sought so much after she disappeared completely from his life.

Silent, with the urgency of tears threatening to overflow, you step back, watching him cautiously and fearfully, at the same time beginning to tremble all over.

"Y/N," he utters your name with a tone of surprise and longing, as if he can't believe it, beginning to slowly rise from the chair.

You recoil further, as all the sadness, pain and anguish wash over you as you remember the past and think at the same time of your son, your sweet little boy.

However, your first instinct is to run away. Again.

Without a word and without looking back, you turn around and exit the trailer quickly before you could no longer hold back and tears involuntarily flow from your eyes, taking with you the image of Aemond and the echoes of a past you cannot escape and forget.

You don't care about your job, you don't care that you left everything just like that, you only think about running away and going quickly for your son, crying and completely terrified.

Aemond watches you walk away, unable to move and unable to speak, with a look of deep disbelief, surprise, bewilderment, regret and remorse while the people around him do not understand anything.

He knows that he made many mistakes in the past and he knows that you have a right to feel upset and hurt. But he also knows that you also made mistakes and you recognize that too.

But for now, you run away and he stands still, losing strength, where you both barely process what just happened and at the same time travel to the past, where it all started and where it all ended.

ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO.

At just twenty-one years old, you barely graduated from college and landed a great job opportunity with the BBC television network to work as a professional makeup artist and wardrobe assistant.

And now at the age of twenty-two and having been working for the network for two years, your life couldn't be better.

You have the job of your dreams, you have achieved so much despite the fact that your parents had no faith in you for choosing to study something that didn't guarantee you a future, and now your income is enough to allow you to live an independent life where you lack nothing.

When then, a new project comes up, a new TV series where you participate full time and where you are passionate about what you do.

That's when you meet him, one of the main actors of the show, Aemond Targaryen, a young, successful twenty-four year old actor who has already attracted the attention of the show business in his early days with a very promising future.

But it was not only for his incredible talent, he was also recognized and attracted a lot of attention for his unusual appearance, beautiful bright blue eye and a peculiar long platinum hair.

In his interviews he explains the origin of the genetic descriptions of him and his family, which is what causes a lot of doubt in every interviewer and also in his fans, wanting to know his origin.

That's why when they tell you that you will be assisting him in his makeup and wardrobe, you can't help but feel nervous but also a little excited to work with him.

And when the day finally arrives, Aemond Targaryen is actually quite a nice and accessible man to work with.

In the first few weeks of working and shooting the show, your interaction with him was completely professional.

You take it upon yourself to bring out the best in his image for the screen, where he does his part, always being friendly, willing and cooperative with you to follow directions and achieve the perfect look.

Always both of you at the beginning had normal and casual conversations to start forming trust, where everything becomes routine.

And it's not until he would say anything silly to make you laugh and where you both got to the point where you allowed yourselves to talk completely freely without being judged.

The shared laughs and casual comments created a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere, where the relationship started to become more friendly and slowly stopped being so strictly professional.

And when you least expected it, you looked forward to working with him, doing his makeup and wardrobe, enjoying his company.

Even when he would arrive first at the trailer to get ready, he would look forward to your arrival.

And when you arrived, you couldn't help but smile a little shyly in his direction because of his intense gaze on you through the mirror, making you feel a little nervous.

As you carefully applied his makeup, Aemond couldn't help but notice that attention you paid to every detail on him, having you so close to his face, being a moment he also longed for it to come.

And as the days passed, accidental brushes and gestures that went beyond professionalism began to emerge.

During makeup sessions, the glances became more intense and prolonged, as if you were looking for something beyond the superficial appearance, where you noticed how he was looking at you beyond the professional surface.

But it wasn't something that bothered you, on the contrary, it made you feel inexplicable sensations that at the same time pleased you, knowing perfectly well that he wasn't like that with anyone else in your area, only with you.

And you both also made sure to act that way only when it was just the two of you or to do it subtly when you were around other people.

But you also knew the dangerous game you were both playing.

However, it was too late, you really started to like him too much even though you knew that the idea of him and you could not be possible.

In the film industry, relationships between colleagues are technically not allowed or frowned upon. Rumors and speculation about romances can alter fan perceptions and, in some cases, affect job opportunities.

In addition, you both have studio contracts and other projects in progress. And acting in such a way, where the intention of both is more than clear, can affect casting decisions and the perceptions of directors and producers.

And for Aemond, being an up-and-coming young actor with a solid fan base, the revelation of an affair can bring negative criticism to his public image.

His manager and team have told him that maintaining the coveted bachelor image may be convenient and commercially advantageous for him in his projects to attract audiences, as he is attractive and very talented.

Even though he had an accident as a child where he lost his left eye and now wears a prosthesis, that attracts more attention from people and they want to know more about him, causing him to be more relevant.

But all this mattered little to Aemond as he shared more moments with you.

As the relationship became more enjoyable, his feelings and emotions became more and more evident and so did yours, starting to overcome the barrier imposed by the entertainment industry.

And one day that line of professionalism that both were trying to maintain but was becoming increasingly difficult, finally broke down completely.

On a filming afternoon, you and Aemond meet in the wardrobe area, where you make sure he looks perfect in his required clothes for the day and he stands completely still, cooperating and watching you at all times.

The conversation between the two of you flows naturally, as it has so many times before, but this time, something in the air seems different, like a gentle tension.

"After we finish this final scene, we should go celebrate, don't you think?"

He suggests with a soft little smile, but his eye reflects an intensity and that desire he can't hide when he's with you.

"Sure," you say with a willing little smile, still securing his clothes, "With John, Rose and Lana?" you mention your partners.

"No," he murmurs, shaking his head softly, "Just you and me."

You look directly into his eye with a slightly surprised and bewildered look, not expecting to hear that, beginning to feel nervous at his words and also at the proximity of the two of you.

"But…" you look at him a little incredulously and with a small sad and disappointed smile, "We can't."

"Yes we can," he tells you softly, "We just have to be very careful and not tell anyone."

You watch him with a small spark of amusement on your face, smiling softly in his direction, not believing he's serious.

And it is at that moment that the looks on both of your faces makes it clear that the connection you both share is deeper than you both believed and where Aemond, more than anything else, makes his true intentions clear and wants to put them into practice, after so long.

A complicit silence surrounds the two and it is as if time stands still for an instant.

Aemond, with a soft expression, unable to contain himself any longer, gently takes your face in his hands and you let him, because you want him, even though you shouldn't.

"There's something I've wanted to do for a long time," he confesses, his voice laden with sincerity.

You, intrigued and captivated by the intensity in his eye, his beautiful blue eye and the closeness of the bodies, look at him with attention and desire.

"What is it?" you murmur, almost in a whisper.

And without another word, Aemond leans toward you and closes the distance between you, bringing his lips together with yours in a needy but slow and deep kiss that you reciprocate instantly.

It all happens in an instant of surprise, followed by a sweet surrender to the attraction that had grown between the two of you.

Time comes to a complete stop as you both sink into that first kiss, where Aemond's hands gently grip your waist and you respond with the same intensity by locking your arms around his neck and clinging to his lips.

You don't want him to stop, you don't want any of this to end.

Everything feels perfect and just as you imagined in your fantasy mind of wanting to live this moment.

And the moment doesn't end, as he pulls you further into the dressing room while still kissing you, leaning you against a vanity and pressing your body completely against his, making you gasp and respond to his needy kiss in kind.

Unfortunately, the kiss doesn't last as long as you would have liked, as a voice screams throughout the trailer.

"Next scene in five minutes! Everyone to the set, please!"

You and Aemond part abruptly, with surprised and terrified looks on your faces, instantly keeping your distance and pretending nothing has happened.

You head along with him toward the set, trying to hide any trace of the intimacy you both shared moments ago. And as you immerse yourself in the frenetic pace of the shoot, the complicity between the two of you manifests itself in small gestures and stolen glances.

And that's when the little relationship secretly begins.

Keeping the relationship a secret became a balancing act for both of you. As the connection you and he shared intensified, the need to hide the relationship became more and more crucial.

In the trailer and on set when you were around more people, as he did you had to learn to act as naturally as ever, carefully concealing any trace of intimacy.

Encounters became completely secret, kisses and caresses behind dressing rooms or in the trailer when you were alone, always alert to the possibility of being discovered. Even in the dressing room, it became a meeting place, where they could enjoy a moment alone.

You could also talk freely by call or text, but both he and you preferred to see each other in person.

That's why on days off, which were few, Aemond always took you to more private places. One night, for example, he took you to dinner at a small restaurant outside of town.

If it wasn't a restaurant, it was to invite you to a small coffeeshop and more discreet places, out of the reach of prying eyes, where he still had to go covered by his characteristic hair.

And when neither of them had the spirit to be always alert, you went to his apartment or he to yours, where they could act with total freedom and even go further.

In Aemond you found a friend, an accomplice and practically the perfect man for you, not because of what he possesses and who he is out there for everyone to see, but because of who he really is, inside.

You simply couldn't help but fall deeply in love with him and that fortunately he reciprocated as strongly as you did, wanting you and only you.

And although the fear of discovery added a touch of dangerous excitement to the relationship, the weight of keeping it all a secret was beginning to generate emotional conflict.

The strain of keeping up appearances and the constant need for vigilance began to wear on you. And as the relationship progresses, you can't help but wonder if there will ever be a chance to be free with Aemond.

But you both know it's not possible.

Much less will it be when one day, Aemond lets you know the news.

"I need to talk to you about something," he says in a serious and defeated tone, taking your hands in his.

He has come unexpectedly to your apartment and that seemed strange to you, but now that he is telling you this and behaving like this, you know it is for a reason and it is not a good one.

"Is everything okay?" you ask him intently and with your brow furrowed.

He sighs before answering, looking sad.

"Production and my manager are pressuring me to fake a relationship with my co-star in a promotional campaign. They say it will help generate more interest in the show."

And there are the consequences of having this relationship on the quiet with him.

Aemond's face contorts in anguish as he sees the expression on your face of mild surprise and definitely not expecting to hear that.

"I promise you that I refused and did everything in my power not to do this Y/N, but I didn't accomplish nothing and…. I-It shouldn't take more than three months, I swear."

He explains, but the sharp pain in your chest is already there and remains, as you begin to imagine what this is all going to be like.

You press your lips together in a thin line and not knowing what to say or what exactly to do, you let out a long breath and watch your hands with his, processing what he is telling you and what he will have to do next.

Even though you understand the demands of the industry and everything about marketing, still the idea of Aemond faking a relationship with someone else makes you feel weird and uncomfortable.

But what can you really do? Nothing.

This is his job and you're not going to get upset with him when you know it's not his fault and that this is what he does in order to make a living.

"When?" you ask him watching him with your soft gaze but with a slightly sad expression.

He lets out a sigh.

"I don't know, I just know that they are already setting everything up," he tells you frustrated with his low and serious voice, "But I need you to be okay with this, Y/N," he looks at you worried, "I know it will be hard for both of us but I don't want this to affect us when you know the truth behind everything and why I do it."

You watch him for a few seconds without saying anything, as you feel a lump in your throat and also feel the helplessness he conveys for all of this, as he really doesn't want to do this.

But he must meet the professional expectations of the production company and you have no choice but to support him.

"Well," you say softly, trying to hide your hurt look by forcing a small smile to reassure him, "These are the production company's decisions and you must do it. And you don't need to worry about me, you know I'll support you."

He takes his gaze away from yours for a second, letting out a longer sigh than before, then takes your face gently in his hands.

"Of course I worried about you, sweetheart," he murmurs with tiredness, then draws you into a tight, tender embrace.

He leaves a gentle kiss on your head and even though he is relieved that you understood, he still feels remorse and anguish because if he were you, of course he would disagree and it would hurt quite a bit.

But this is work and he really doesn't have much choice.

And when you least expect it, the moment arrives.

The next few weeks are a complete whirlwind of emotions for you as you watch the fictional relationship of Aemond and his co-star, the famously gorgeous actress Cerelle Lannister, prepare to come to light.

Joint promotions take them both to photo shoots and interviews where they must show complicity and affection. And seeing Aemond sharing moments that used to be just yours and his, now in the public sphere with someone other than you, becomes a painful test.

One evening, you see photos of Aemond and Cerelle having dinner at a famous restaurant downtown and all the photos show the complicit smiles and affectionate gestures.

And even though you know it's part of the act, you can't help but feel a knot in your stomach seeing them together. And even worse, seeing how the public is fascinated and in love with their relationship.

It is for all this that you no longer see him frequently and there is only communication by messages.

And when he finally has a space in his schedule, he takes the opportunity to see you, where you at all times try to look as if you are not affected by all this, so as not to worry him and frustrate him when you know he has a lot of weight on his shoulders.

He still apologizes and tries to make it up to you, but in the midst of your soothing words, the pain is reflected in your gaze.

And that's what you do for the next few weeks, you continue to support him from the shadows while he and Cerelle put on a show and are the center of attention.

At first you had told yourself not to see anything about them on the internet, but you can't help it and you see the pictures, read the headlines in the magazines and with each new performance, you feel a slight sharp pain in your heart.

When the day of a big awards event arrives where directors, producers, script writers, the academy members, the press and of course the actors and actresses attend, where precisely Aemond and Cerelle attend together as a couple officially in front of all public eye.

Images and videos of the two sharing laughter and affectionate gestures spread through every social network, while you, from your apartment, watch the scene with a mixture of pride as this is important in Aemond's career but also feel a deep sadness that threatens to overflow.

You wish it was you instead of her.

It's been months since you and Aemond started this relationship behind everyone's back and you want that, to be able to touch him and be with him in public.

But you can't.

And you can't stand this anymore either.

You decide to watch movies and change the channel, not wanting to focus on them anymore, trying to ignore your emotions and your wounded heart, not wanting to do anything else tonight but just forget and stay in the comfort of your bed.

After two hours, your phone starts ringing, indicating an incoming call and when you look at the screen, Aemond's name appears, but you decide not to answer.

You don't feel like talking to him, you don't want to get upset with him when he is not to blame for anything and start an unnecessary fight, so you prefer not to talk.

But after that call, Aemond insistent calls you a couple more times, in which you decide not to answer as well.

At your lack of response, he can't help but feel worried, thinking that you must be feeling bad because of him even though you understand why he's doing all this. And once the rewards are over, he in covered takes his car and drives to your apartment.

As he drives, his mind is filled with thoughts of how to talk to you and find the right words to ease the tension in both of you. But the nervousness doesn't let him think clearly nor has he forgotten the overwhelming awards he had to attend to.

Once he arrives at your door, he just hopes you're okay, even though he knows you're not and knocks three times.

"Y/N? It's Aemond," he says cautiously and hopeful that you will open the door, wanting to speak and see you.

The silence lingers for a few moments before you finally open the door, where the slight surprise of seeing him here at this hour is reflected in your gaze, not understanding anything. And he just sighs, feeling guilty.

"You didn't respond to my calls or messages and I got worried," he explains to you briefly and in a soft voice, "I needed to see you."

Despite all the emotions you're feeling, the fact that he's come looking for you shows you that he really cares about you and wants to do everything he can to make you okay.

You watch him silently for a moment and nod slowly in his direction with a look of understanding.

"I'm fine," you reply softly, wanting to convince him as well as yourself.

"No, I know you're not," he insists, concerned, "I-I… I know this is all very difficult and I don't want you to feel pressured, but…" he lets out a frustrated sigh, "I'm here to talk if you need to."

Appreciating his sincerity silently and seeing how terribly worried he is, you let him in.

The two of you have a difficult but necessary conversation, where neither of you have any intention of ending this thing you have together and where he's willing to show you that he doesn't care about Cerelle, just you.

"I only want you, baby. You and no one else," he murmurs lovingly and with desire in his gaze, closing his eye and catching your lips in a needy, deep kiss.

You respond in kind, gasping into his lips and bringing your hands to stroke his hair, clinging to him completely as he brings his hands to your waist and ass, squeezing the soft skin of both your ass cheeks.

"Do you mean it?" you ask in the middle of the kiss, beginning to feel the wetness between your legs.

"Yes, I fucking mean it," he replies against your lips, biting and sucking on your lips again.

You moan as he begins to leave a trail of kisses all over your neck, biting and leaving little marks on your sensitive skin, making you shiver all over your body and begin to feel the hardness in his pants against your pelvis.

Absentmindedly he brings one of his hands up and caresses one of your breasts over your shirt, making you moan and continue kissing him as he brings his hands back down to your thighs.

"Oh, Aemond," you whine.

"Fuck," he murmurs in delight, making you wrap your legs around his torso and feel directly on your needy clit, his cock hard and in need of release, "Such a needy little thing, arent you?"

His mouth roams and kisses every exposed part of your skin, as he pulls you along with him towards your couch, making you sit on top of him and you desperately begin to seek relief as you cause friction between your bodies.

He groans into your mouth, feeling his cock throb and ache.

"Can I take this off?" he grabs the edge of your shirt and you nod desperately, needy.

You are not wearing a bra and when your breasts are out in the open, Aemond lets out a curse as he stares at your breasts fully aroused to take one of your nipples into his mouth, making you arch and bring his face closer to your breasts.

Not long after that he too takes off his shirt and you free his cock from its confines and then start riding him, unable to wait a moment longer.

"Shit," he hisses, "You feel so good, baby. So fucking good."

You moan loudly as he brings one of his hands to your already swollen clit and starts massaging it with two fingers, making you moan and making you move your hips with more fervor on top of him, as your skin slaps and rattles with his beneath you.

That night, not only does he fuck you on your couch, he fucks you on your bed too, not being able to get enough of you, loving to see your whole face contorted in pleasure as he fucks you against your bed hard, his cock continually thrusting in and out of you, the sound of skin against skin being heard.

You bite down on his shoulder and wrap your legs around his torso again, feeling him deeper, as Aemond kisses you and draws his eyebrows together in concentration and pleasure.

"Are you going to let me fill this pretty pussy with my cum again, baby? I want to feel you fucking cum all over my cock."

He brings his hand to your clit again and begins to massage it furiously, wanting to watch you crumble and feel you do it around his cock, while you moan and bite his shoulder and neck.

"Oh y-yes, Ae-mond,"you moan.

You close your eyes, escape a quiet moan, arch your back fully and feel the whole wave of euphoria wash over your entire body, seeing stars behind your eyes.

And with one last hard thrust, Aemond cums inside you letting out a grunt and hiding his whole face in the curve of your neck, leaving a couple of wet kisses once you both come back to earth and melt into each other's arms.

A few weeks later, you're back at work and Aemond starts filming a new movie for Netflix, so you don't see each other as often as you used to.

Aemond's schedule is very tight and he still does everything he can to be able to see you and spend time with you, while you in comparison to him have more free time but can't spend it with him because of his work.

And it is in that same time that you start to feel strange, but you hadn't connected the dots until the signs became too obvious to ignore.

One day, while working on set, fatigue suddenly overwhelmed you and a persistent nausea made you realize that something was going on. Suddenly lack of appetite appeared and seeing things too sweet or chicken or meat meals made you sick to your stomach.

Or also weird cravings started, which your mind started to scare you with possibly confirming what you were thinking.

During a break in the filming, you discreetly retreat to the bathroom, feeling the need for a moment to yourself. And as you look in the mirror, you notice the pallor on your face and the different glow in your eyes.

Completely terrified, you wait for your break from work and rush to the pharmacy, buying three pregnancy tests of different brands and supposedly the best.

And once at home, everything is silent, as the seconds tick by and you feel like you are drowning in your own thoughts.

You're not ready to be a mom, in fact the thought of having children was never something you wanted or wanted in the long run, because you're still young, you have your dream job at only twenty-two years old and to stop focusing on your dreams and goals to focus on those of a child… it's not something you want.

But the pregnancy test you hold in your trembling hand confirms your suspicions, as do the other tests, all positive.

Fear totally grips you, not only because of the fact that you are pregnant, but because of the implications this brings to your life and also to Aemond's life.

God, Aemond.

You think completely terrified, starting to cry, feeling the pressure in your chest.

You know this will stop and totally ruin his career.

You imagine yourself facing the critical gaze of the media, the headlines of magazines and news websites, as well as the constant speculation about your personal life.

You feel completely scared and hopeless, having no idea what Aemond's reaction will be, but you know this is not good, a baby, right now is not good, not for you and certainly not for him.

But you must tell him. You know you must. Regardless, how could you keep something like this from him?

It takes you two days to finally get up the courage to tell him and as you wait for him in your apartment, the pregnancy test rests in your trembling, sweaty hands, feeling completely frightened amidst all the silence around you.

Your eyes burn from crying so much, you feel like you have no strength, you feel weak and you haven't been able to sleep well and you don't even want to imagine how you will be later when Aemond finds out and everything between you will probably go wrong.

The sound of the door makes you jump nervously, knowing it's him.

You feel more fear and uncertainty flood you but you force yourself to get up from your couch and head to open the door, feeling that you will burst into tears at any moment.

As you open it, Aemond's handsome face and his usual smile was nothing like your face, being quite the opposite, so noticing your state his smile drops and he looks at you completely distressed and worried as you let out a few tears silently.

"Hey, hey," Aemond holds your face in his hands, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks. His concern is palpable in the way his eyes search yours for answers. "What happened, baby? Are you okay?"

You sniffle your nose, inhale deeply and keep your eyes closed for a moment, only causing Aemond more unease when you don't utter a word.

"Y/N, what happened?" he insists, his tone laden with anxiety and seriousness.

"I'm really sorry," you murmur sadly to him, feeling each word weigh heavy in your chest and a sense of hopelessness creep over you.

"You're sorry, for what? What happened?" he asks again, completely confused and uncomprehending.

"I'm… I-I'm pregnant," you mumble in a broken voice, as if uttering those words would make reality more concrete.

Aemond's face remains completely static, his eyes wide open, watching you as tears slide down your cheeks. The gravity of the news is reflected in the tense silence that appears between the two of you.

"What?" he mutters under his breath, barely audible but laden with disbelief.

You nod slowly, reaching out to him for the proof you hold in your trembling hand. And every second that passes as he analyzes it feels like an eternity as you wait for his reaction.

But he barely processes the information, takes the evidence between his fingers and the seconds stretch out like hours as you feel your heart beating too fast.

But Aemond's face shows neither anger nor joy.

And finally he reacts by bringing his hands to his hair, his eye fixed on the evidence for a moment and then looking at a spot in your living room, beginning to see frustration and surprise invade him more.

He lets out a sigh and turns his gaze back to you in a desperate manner.

"Hey, baby," he says to you now nervously, "Are you absolutely sure?"

You nod slowly.

"I did three tests, all three came back positive."

He brings a hand to his forehead, averting his gaze from yours for a moment. His eyes reflect tumultuous thoughts, a mixture of thoughts ranging from disbelief to concern.

"But how?" he watches you blankly, still with surprise painted in his gaze.

"You didn't use a condom and I took the pill, but it didn't work," you tell him in a hopeless voice, trying to explain the inexplicable.

"Oh, fuck," he murmurs, biting his lips and bringing a hand to his chin.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean for this to happen either," you admit to him, your tears streaming down your cheeks.

You feel the need to apologize as if this burden is something only you should carry, the vulnerability clear in your tone of voice and on your face, which worries Aemond more at seeing you in such a state.

"Hey, no, don't, don't do that, don't apologize," he says instantly, turning back to you and placing a hand on your cheek, "We're both part of this, you understand me? You're not to blame for anything and I'm not going to leave you alone," he assures you, completely honest and determined with his words.

And despite the gravity of the situation, you feel a huge relief come over you knowing that you are not alone in this, as he looks at your sad face, with your dry tears and red eyes.

And then he places a soft kiss on your lips and encloses you in a comforting embrace that is all you need at that moment.

You knew that Aemond would eventually have to tell his manager and his team as well, however, you didn't expect him to do it on the same day you let him know the news and you didn't expect all his people to start working so soon on this, on your pregnancy.

You call his agent and in an instant he, along with his publicist and his team of public relations people, invade your apartment.

And his agent, Criston Cole, doesn't have time to start reproaching him for having had a secret relationship with you all this time, although the anger is there but the important thing is the baby on the way, where he can't do anything either because it's already in your womb.

So he only talks about solutions.

And it is precisely because of these painful solutions for you that you decided to run away and disappear from his life to save his career and also your child.

#aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x oc #aemond x reader #hotd aemond #aemond targaryen angst #aemond targaryen smut

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luvnoirs · 2 months

Note

MORE PAIGEEE

senior night

paring: paige x fem!reader synopsis: paige asks you to be her girlfriend during senior night warning(s): none ! (sfw) word count: 1.2k

a/n: this was a request (i changed it just a bit) and i feel like i kinda rushed it a little cause i wanted to hurry and give y'all something so im sorry for that 😭

you only had one goal tonight: do not cry.

it was senior night at uconn tonight and since you were extremely close friends with the women's basketball team, you stood in the crowd cheering on as the seniors on the team began receiving their plaques. you knew that regardless of their decision to stay at uconn or persue their career beyond college, your friendship with the girls would never falter. you would even call them your sisters and you successfully held back tears at the sight of watching them be recognized for all their hard work and contribution to the huge legacy that uconn holds.

though as one particular blonde started walking across the gym floor along with her family members, you felt your heart tug.

you had just seen her before the game, wishing her good luck with a swift kiss on the cheek and a sweet smile. if you two weren't in front of a sold-out crowd and cameras showcasing the game on national television, you would have given her that kiss on the lips like you've been doing for the past few weeks.

at first, you two thought it was nothing. it was normal for friends to kiss each other, right? though with one too many shots at ted's one night and an entire dorm room to yourself, one thing led to another, and shortly, the two of you became casual sex partners. you both agreed not to let it ruin your friendship and that it was just for fun, but you couldn't help but start feeling something that was more than platonic for the girl.

though the complicated friendship between you and paige might've been a secret to everyone else, it didn't go unnoticed by your friend azzi. the girl was constantly nagging you about the two of you making things official, but you simply didn't have the courage to tell paige how you really felt about her.

moments later, all the seniors began to line up to say a special speech, and one by one they all went, leaving paige to be the last one to speak.

she grabbed the microphone from aubrey and spoke, "uh, i can't put into words what this program has meant to me—what you guys have meant to me..."

and as she continued speaking, you felt your smile grow. even before you and paige started seeing each other exclusively, you've always been friends and loved each other, so you know exactly what she's been through and how much she struggled behind closed doors.

you can remember being there to comfort her last season when she was out due to her injury. paige had shown up to your dorm, her usual happy expression replaced with a straight face and watery blue eyes. you two had spent that night watching tv and talking about the most random topics to take paige's mind off of missing the season as she snuggled into you on your couch.

and ever since that day, it has become your ritual. paige spent at least one night a week over at your dorm, even sleeping over until the next day some times. she even bothered to stop giving you a heads up and just used the spare key that you had given her to let herself in whenever she pleased.

you let out a quiet laugh at the memory of her walking in while your back was turned, and she thought it would be a good idea to scare you. and after that day, she swore to never sneak up on you again after ending up with a nasty bruise on the side of her face due to the force of your fast reflex.

"and one more thing—and i just know she's gonna kill me for this, but i've spent these past few days trying to figure out how to do this." paige said as the crowd grew quiet in anticipation.

your eyes squinted in confusion as you watched her. you were just as confused as everyone else.

"but tonight is special, so i thought, why not do it tonight? a huge reason why this won't be my last senior night is because of a very, very special woman who has helped me through my tough times and has, in general, made me a better person. without her, or, of course, my fellow teammates, i'm not sure i would have made it through this season so far, and i just want to thank her for being there for me."

the crowd erupted in more cheers, some even shedding a few tears, while you stood with your mouth open, wondering what the hell she was talking about.

"i don't want to make this too sappy or take up too much of your time, so with that being said, i want to ask y/n to come up here, please."

your heart sank. at first, you thought you were hearing the wrong thing, but since the team already knew where you were seated, they all turned towards you and began cheering. i stood in shock as they gestured for me to come down onto the gym floor as the rest of the crowd began clapping and whistling. i watched as a few of the teammates started jumping around with red and pink balloons and a few signs, one of 'i love you'. you wondered how they even managed to hide that.

with a hand over your mouth, you began excusing yourself as you made your way past the fans and down the stairs to the main floor. paige stood in the middle with the microphone still in her hand and a huge smile on her face. your feet felt like they were glued to the ground, and she must've noticed, so she began walking towards you instead.

"y/n, i couldn't tell you why i didn't do this sooner because, honestly, i've loved you since our freshman year here..."

and as paige continued, you felt yourself finally cry. with a huff, you tried to wipe them away before they fell but it was just too many tears escaping at once. her long legs allowed her to reach you in no time and she lifted her free hand to softly wipe the tears that you failed to catch with the pad of her thumb.

"... so, i want to ask you to officially be mine," paige handed the microphone to aaliyah who was nearby, and grabbed my face with both of her hands. "will you be my girlfriend?"

you barely had any time to blink because, as soon as you said yes, the blonde engulfed you in a hug, lifting you off the floor to even spin you around. the crowd loved it.

"paige!" you laughed, as she finally placed you back on your feet. you placed your hands on top of your head in disbelief. "you... i can't believe you did this! you could've asked me on a regular wednesday afternoon, and i would've said yes."

paige scoffed, "you know i'm extra and gotta go all out."

your response was cut short by the rest of the team bombarding you with hugs and more cheers.

"you guys were behind all this?" you asked them, and they all nodded.

"girl, everyone knew about you two. it was so obvious." ice said knowingly, and the rest of the team nodded in agreement. "and jana you owe me ten bucks."

"you guys did not make a bet on me." paige said in disbelief, and jana shrugged.

"i didn't think you would actually do it.”

and as the rest of the team went on in conversation, you grabbed your girlfriend's hand and placed a kiss on the back of her palm.

"i love you."

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #uconn women’s basketball #paige bueckers x reader #wlw #wbb

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junipers-archive · 1 year

Text

Paper Rings

Word count: 1.1k

Includes: tiny itty bit of angst to fluff, fluff, fluff, Spencer has been acting distant so you try to start up a conversation, ultimately leading to his confession about wanting to marry you but never finding the right moment

You were worried. More than usual worried, worried. Spencer had been acting odd lately, and for the past few weeks you had been trying your best to ignore it.

It was hard though, he had been distant, almost neglectful, his once cheerful and atentative attitude when listening to your day or the new book you'd been reading gone and replaced by a cool indifrence.

You were near to him now, sitting on the sunflower yellow sofa in your apartment, reading different books. But instead of being next to you he was on the other side of the couch.

In an attempt to start up a conversation you mentioned one of your fresher pieces of news,

"Hey Spence", He didn't even look up, just hummed.

You scooted closer, "Uh- I- Well you know my cousin? Marion, the one who got engaged a few months back?"

"yea" his eyes shifted up quickly and then right back down to his book.

"Well they finally set a date! I got my invite in the mail yesterday morning, it's in Hawaii!!"

"Oh, really?" he wasn't even glancing up now to seem interested.

Nevertheless, you tried one last time with enthusiasm, hoping he'd be kind enough to take pity and reciprocate even a fraction of it.

"So whadaya say handsome, be my plus one?"

"mhm." mhm. That's what your relationship had dwindled down to?

You shook your head, tears pricking your eyes as you got up from the sofa, trying really hard not to cry. But there was only so much you could take, was he seeing someone else? What had you done to make him so upset?

But that was the thing he wasn't even yelling at you! You'd become an irrelevant part of his life without even realizing it.

By this time you were grabbing your things in a scramble, trying to get out, get out of the apartmentget, get out of his life if thats what he really wanted. When it occurred to you that he was still obsorbed in that stupid book of his.

And you had to know, You just had to.

"Did I do something?! What-Just tell me what I did Spencer please!"

You were standing before him now, waving your arms around manically.

"Y-Y/n, whats wrong?"

"I don't know Spencer you tell me! I mean first I thought it was a case you were on that had put you off, or maybe that we'd been apart for too long but weeks went by! Its been weeks and you still won't even look me in the eye when we're talking!" You fail in your previous attempts to keep the tears at bay as droplets fall down your flushed cheeks.

He was stunned but eventually he found his words, "I-I- that wasn't my intention, I- just- I-"

You were hysterical at this point, he couldn't even tell you?

"Look Spencer. If you wanna break up, just say it already!"

You were one second away from storming out when he spoke up again, catching you by the wrist and leading you down the hall to the bedroom quickly.

"Look I'm really, really sorry Y/n its just that- well it'd be easier if I just showed you."

You came to sit on the bed, arms crossed over your chest as if armor protecting you from being hurt.

He was searching through the back of the closet you shared, finally pulling out a shoe box. He sat down next to you, opening the box, where rested an old sweater of his that had been worn thin and a black velvet box sitting within.

He handed the small compartment over to you explaining frantically,

"I've wanted to marry you for a long time now, hell Y/n I wanted to marry you since the moment I met you. But I kept chickening out and for the past few weeks I've taken you to our spots to pop the question but I-I- nothing was ever good enough...I couldn't find the perfect moment."

he looked straight in your eyes now, which were watery, overwhelmed by the idea he wanted to marry you just as much as you wanted to marry him. "You deserve the perfect moment. And not being able to provide that to you, it tore me apart, so...I became distant, praying I was good enough but also hoping you's find someone better..."

"I-I understand completely that this isn't the time or place but when I saw that you were crying- I just I needed you to know that the reason I was being so distant wasn't because I wanted to break up, far from it! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

You opened the box now, silently falling in love even more as you gazed down at the your dream ring.

Finally lifting your gaze to the boy in front of you and kissing him deeply, finding your voice again as you pulled back grinning,

"You're an idiotic-genius, you know that?"

He only grinned back, "Yea, yea I'm fairly aware."

You slipped on the ring, it was perfect fit.

"Well...Are you gonna ask me?"

He shook his head, "You're gonna have to wait till i find our perfect moment."

You grumbled like a digruntled child, leaping back on the bed and guarding your ring finger as he tried to take it back. Ultimately he ended up on top of you, both of you play wrestling like children.

"Y/n. Give. It. Back."

"NO its my ring now! You can't take it back! You practically already proposed!"

"You said yourself, I technically haven't asked!"

"Well why don't I keep it for now, just until you're ready?" You were wearing a shit-eating grin as you looked up at him, he had pinned you down with his hands on your wrists.

"No way. What Would I propose with then?"

You craned your neck to kiss him then, albeit akwardly. "I'd marry you with paper rings Dr. Reid."

He had gotten admittedly lost in your sweet words, which you used as your opprutunity to slide out from under him, once more flashing you giant grin before running out of the room.

"Y/N!"

The afternoon was lost to him chasing you around the apartment as you chanted, "Paper rings dr. Reid! Paper rings!"

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lovingmattysposts · 5 months

Text

Friends with Benefits Part 4

welcome to the illicit affairs chapter, you have been warned enjoy..

P1 P2 P3 P5 P6

paring: y/n and matt sturniolo

Summary:You and Matt are best friends, who occationaly have sex on the low. No string attached, just sex. Well, just sex for him. Little did he know you were falling in love and falling fucking fast.

warnings: smuttt (lowkey nothing major), mentions of not eating, depression, anxiety, drugs, effects of being high, drinking, cursing

first of all i just want to thank you guys so deeply for the love and the never ending requests for the next part of this series. The fact that i wrote this before i had tumblr and was never planning on releasing for others to love, blows my mind. this one is a long one and a rollercoaster, love y'all.

xoxo, Autumn.

Y/n pov

I never thought my body or mind could handle the amount of pain it's endured over these past few days. Never thought the amount of tears that have come out of me was possible either. But here we are. I haven't let my bed in days. I've just been watching reruns of the vampire diares and the notebook feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, I'll admit it. I have nothing else to do but feel what i'm feeling and I think that's the worst kind of punishment you can have.

I heard the door of my room creek open. I glanced over seeing Lucy peek in my room. She smiled. I just looked at her. "Good, you're up" She smiled walking in with a plate of food. I sighed leaning back as she walked up to my bed.

"I made eggs, hash brown casserole, I know how much you love that so I made extra" She smiled up at me. I smiled softly at her. "Bacon and some fruit" She pointed to the plate. "Well-I didn't make the fruit, but I cut it" She said laughing to herself. I just looked at the plate of food.

"You don't have to eat it, but I thought If you did get hungry you could have something good" She said setting the plate down on my side table. "Thanks Luce" I said softly. She nodded but didn't leave.

"I know this is the last thing you wanna hear right now, but how are you doing?" She asked cautiously. I just looked down at my lap. Just hearing the sentence tore my heart in two. I breathed, leaning back.

"Better" I lied. She smiled and nodded. She looked down at my shirt-Matt's shirt. I hadn't taken it off since Lucy gave it back to me that night. It's the only part of him I have left. The only smell of him left in this house. The only thing that I can keep of him. I looked down at the shirt and looked away from her.

"If you need anything-anything at all-" She said looking up at me. "I know Lucy" I breathed, she nodded and started to walk away, but I sat up. "Lucy?" I asked making her turn around. She raised her eyebrows looking at me. "Has-" I bit my lip. "Has he texted you at all?" I whispered. She sighed looking down, before shaking her head slightly. I sighed before nodding.

"Okay I just thought-" I stopped myself. "Okay" I nodded pulling the covers back over me. I let out a breath, before I heard Lucy close the door to my room. I felt tears come on again. He hasn't even tried to reach out. It must really be over. I don't think I can maintain a reality without Matt. I let out a shaky breath as I felt a tear drop onto my nose. I wiped it quickly, imagining it was Matt, telling me everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't and it was never going to be.

I closed my eyes as a silent sob came out as I gripped the T-shirt inhaling his scent. The scent I loved so much. The scent I craved. The scent that was like a drug, because it was his.

They said that grief comes in waves. That there are different 'stages' as people say. They say you can go back and forth between stages but they usually most of the time stay in order. It's been almost an entire week since that dreadful night and I've allowed myself to cry and cry and cry. Cry on the shower floor, cry in bed, cry in front of the mirror and I was done with it.

I was still hurt, I felt it in my chest like an elephant laying on my chest, but tonight I wanted to move past what I was feeling. To mask it. To forget about it, even if it was just for a few hours. If I could trick my brain into thinking about anything other than Matt Sturniolo for just a few hours, I didn't care If that meant it would take me twice as long to get over him.

I felt my phone buzz beside me. I stood frozen for a second, before hesitantly picking up my phone. I opened my phone to messages and sighed when I saw a text from Tommy.

from:Tommy Boy

Ayo Y/n/n, party tonight at Zao's place. It'd be cool if you came be there or be 🟥

I shook my head and smiled at the text. Tommy. An old friend of mine, we have been friends since high school. I've known him for like forever. We've always been close but ever since I started seeing Matt, we stopped hanging out so much. That and the fact that he's a hard-score stoner. Not really my vibe, but he was always a good friend and fun to be around nonetheless.

That was until Matt was around him and that whole thing went down about 2 months into our friends with benefits thing.

"Shut the fuck up" I died laughing pushing Tommy's chest. Tommy laughed looking down. Matt stood beside me on my left while Tommy spoke in front of us with a joint in between his finger.

"I swear you did. You looked the guy in the eyes and said that If his pull out game was a strong as his attitude maybe he wouldn't have knocked Sarah up" Tommy said reminiscing on an old story from high school. I wiped tears from my eyes as I laughed. I shook my head.

"I was drunk" I stated. "Still a badass move" He said taking a rip from the joint. I looked up at Matt, who's eyes were fixated on Tommy. "Why don't you ever come around anymore Y/n/n? The guys miss you. Even Blake, who you shitted on so hard." Tommy laughed. I rolled my eyes smiling.

"You're the only girl cool enough to smoke with, everyone else is so uptight nowadays" He sighed. I glanced up at Matt who's eyes were still on Tommy. I sighed looking down. "You know life lately is crazy. I've just been caught up in shit" I said looking at him. He nodded looking down and then at Matt.

"Or caught up in your little boyfriend" He motioned to Matt. I glanced at Matt who's jaw was hard. "Oh we're not-" I started to say. "We're not together" Matt said over me. I looked at him, but he didn't look down at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked back at Tommy.

"Yeah" I said quietly. Why did that kind of sting? Tommy looked between us. "Dude, you're an idiot. If she'd give me the chance, I'd hop on that a long time ago" Tommy said taking another hit. Matt bit the inside of his cheek, his chest raising. I looked over at Tommy.

"Tommy" I felt my face go red. He rolled his eyes. "Oh come on y/n/n, I was kidding. You rejected me out-the-bat freshman year. I got the memo. I'm just saying you're a hot chick either way." He chuckled. I looked over at Matt who grabbed my arm slightly and pulled me away. I waved a slight wave at Tommy who smiled shaking his head.

I turned to Matt who's face was hard. "Matt" I said through gritted teeth as he dragged me back inside. He let me go and stopped in front of me. "What the fuck?" I whispered up at him.

"You can't hang out with him anymore" He said looking down at me. I scoffed. "Excuse me?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He looked to the side before back down at me. "He's a dickhead and did you see the way he was looking at your tits?" He asked briefly looking down at my chest. I glared at Matt.

"You mean the way you've been staring at my tits all night?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. "He wants to fuck you Y/n, I can see it in the way he looks at you" He said shaking his head, as if it was my fault. I shook my head. "Tommy's been my friend forever Matt" I breathed.

"I don't like the way he looks at you" he sighed looking down at me. I smiled looking up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Matt are you jealous?" I smiled. He rolled his eyes. "No I'm just telling you that he looks at you the way I do" He said softly. "Hm" I hummed pulling him against me.

"Does that make you mad?" I whispered. He just looked at me. "Because you seemed a little mad back there" I said smiling. "I just want to be the only name you're screaming for the time being" He breathed. I rolled my eyes and released my arms and started to walk past him.

"You're ridiculous" I shook my head. He grabbed my waist and pulled me back in front of him effortlessly. "If you want to go around fucking random guys, go do it. I'm not telling you not to." He said pressing against me. "I'm just saying you and I both know they don't know how to please you the way I do. They don't know where to hit the spot that makes you see stars. They don't know that you like it when you can't walk the next day. You and I both know the only eyes you want staring at your tits are mine." He said into my ear. I swallowed as he leaned in front of my face.

"Tell me you won't hang out with him anymore and I can make all those things happen right now princess" He whispered. I blinked at him as he tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. I nodded slowly as I looked into his dark eyes.

He reached up sqeezing my jaw, opening my mouth. "Didn't hear you" He said. "I won't see him anymore" I said breathlessly. He smiled. "Good" He breathed before connecting our lips.

I blinked, attempting to forget the memory. This was what I was talking about. A break from the thoughts. Old friends. It would be nice. I texted Tommy back.

To: Tommy Boy

Weirdo, guess i'll see you there 🥱

I stood up, throwing my sheets off me and ripping the shirt from my body discarding it on my bed. I looked up walking over to my mirror. Looking at myself. I leaned in, looking at my face. My eyelashes were still wet and my cheeks slightly a pink color from the tears. I put on the most convincing smile. Pretty. I leaned back looking at my body, investigating it. Pretty.

I smiled letting out a breath before walking over and turning on my speaker. I shuffled through my playlist landing on love is embarrassing by Olivia Rodrigo. I played it loudly through the speaker before looking through my closet, not thinking about anything other than the sounds screaming through my speaker.

"I told my friends you were the one after I'd know you like a month"

"and I stayed in bed for like a week, when you said space was what you need. Waited by my phone like a-"

"GOD DAMN FOOL!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and shook my head as I danced around my room. I smiled as the song played, this felt good. I held up tops in the mirror before landing on a new one I had just got last week. I jumped up and down as the song played, swinging my head around, singing along. I pulled the top over my head as I moved over to pick out some jeans.

"love's embarrassing as hell" I sang to myself.

I suddenly heard my door crack open. Lucy walked in with her eyes wide as she watched me slide the jeans on smiling.

"Get dressed!" I said over the music with a smile. She looked at me concerned. "Y/n, you're scaring me" She said withe straight face. I rolled my eyes and smiled walking over to her. "Come on, do you want me to be sad forever in here or do you want to go out and be normal?" I asked looking down at her. She just looked up at me, like she wasn't sure if i was serious.

She glanced to my speaker

"and I'd give up, I'd give up everything-" I smiled and jumped to the music, walking over to her. "And i'm planning out my wedding, for some guy i'm NEVER MARRYING!" I yelled moving around her. She just stared at me like I was a freak, and maybe I was, who cares. I sighed looking at her as the song ended.

"No tears, No sadness, No M-" I stopped myself, swallowing. She raised her eyebrows at me. "I'll let you wear my Chanel top" I said suddenly. Her mouth fell open. "Wow, you're serious" she said looking at me. I nodded. She smiled. "Deal" She breathed running to my dresser.

Matt pov

I heard my door crack open, but I didn't move. Normally If I just didn't move they would think I was asleep and they would leave.

"Nick went to drop Nate and Justin off at the airport" I heard Chris's voice say. I didn't say anything and I heard him sigh. "Matt" He stated. I rolled over and looked at him. He looked sadly down at me.

"You can't stay in here forever" He said walking fully into my room, making me groan. He stopped and crossed his arms. "You've been in here all week long, in the dark, alone" He said looking down at me. I just looked up at him. "It's getting sad" He breathed. I looked away from him.

"Are you done now?" I asked pulling the blankets back over to me. I heard him walk over and sit on my bed. I looked over at him. "Did you text Lucy?" He asked quietly. I looked down before pulling up my phone and pulling up the texts

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 1 11:48pm

Lucy, is she okay? Please I just need to know if she's okay.

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 1 11:52pm

I need to talk to her. She didn't give me a chance. I have to make sure she's okay.

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 2 1:03am

I know she likes to go home to her parents when she's stressed. Is she there? Is she at the apartment? Is she doing okay? Does she want to see me?

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 3 11:58am

Lucy. Im dying here just tell me that she's okay. I don't want to overwhelm her, does she want to see me?

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 4 3:07pm

I can't live without her please.

Chris looked up from the phone after scanning the messages. "Not a single response?" He asked, I shook my head. He sighed. "Maybe you should just text Y/n" He said looking at me. I looked up at the ceiling, feeling my heart clench even at her name. I let out a breath.

"I can't say what I need to say over the phone to her. She won't listen unless I make her" I said softly. Chris looked at me and sighed. "Then make her listen" He said standing up. "You said you wanted to fix this. You're saying you don't want to lose her, but you're letting her walk away" He said shaking his head. I bit my lip, he was right.

"What do I do?" I asked looking at him. He bit his lip, thinking. "Do you remember what happened when her dog died last year?" He asked looking down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Chris I'm serious-" I said sitting up. He shook his head. "Think. How did she react?" He said looking at me. I squinted and looked down at my lap.

"She loved that damn dog like a child, she was devestated" I explained, remembering. He nodded. "She cried for a week straight and then she-" I paused sitting up. He raised his eyebrows at me smiling. "She snapped out of it for a couple hours and made us all go downtown to some party, she said it was how she processed things like it was like clockwork" I breathed looking at him. He nodded as he looked down at his phone.

"There a party on sunset, her old friends are there. If I had to guess that's where she'd be" Chris said standing up. I stood up quickly running to get my keys.

Y/n pov

"Drink" I said handing Lucy a bottle. She shoved it away from herself. "I'm driving remember" She shook her head. I sighed. "How am I suppose to have fun without you drinking withe me?" I whined. She rolled her eyes. "I'm here to make sure you don't do anything stupid" She smiled. I rolled my eyes before looking around.

"Like what?" I asked turning back to her. "Like hooking up with a random guy, or puking everywhere" She said narrowing her eyes at me. I sighed before pointing to guy. "Why? He's cute" I frowned looking at the boy. She lowered my hand. "He looks like Matt, and I'm not listening to you cry tomorrow morning after you regret it" She said looking at me. I rolled my eyes before bringing the bottle back up to my lips. She lowered the bottle.

"Slow down" She said softly. "Drink every time you say the M-word. I've made it my little game" I smiled sarcastically. She rolled her eyes. "I appreciate you wanting to move on Y/n/n, but you're deflecting. You realize you have to process these emotions at some point right?" She asked, making me walk away from her.

"I can't hear you! To busy deflecting!" I yelled as I walked away. I rolled my eyes as I set down the bottle and walked towards the bathroom. I knocked on the door and sighed as I waited. I saw a guy start to walk up to me. I just looked at him.

"Hey" He breathed. "Hey" I said looking down. "Where are you from?" He smiled looking down at me. I looked to the side and then back up at him. "Were in California aren't we?" I asked looking at him. He furrowed his eyebrows and smiled. "So?" He asked. "Use context clues" I smiled sarcastically. He laughed and looked down.

"I'm Thomas" He held out his hand. I looked down at his hand. "And I'm not interested" I smiled. He dropped his hand. "Boyfriend?" He asked. I sighed looking down. "Complicated" I explained. He nodded. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt come over me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude, I've just had a hard week" I sighed. He shook his head. "You're okay, I get it. This city will get to you" He laughed. I nodded smiling. He reached in his pocket. "I got something to take you're mind off it if you're interested" He said holding two pills. I looked down at them, suddenly feeling nervous. I don't take pills like that.

"Oh, No thanks I don't do that kind of stuff" I said shaking it off. He shrugged. "You should" He said popping one in his mouth. I just stared at him. "You're kind of beautiful to be in something that's complicated" He said smiling down at me. I smiled, when all of the sudden I felt eyes on me.

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked around me, feeling like I was being watched. I scanned the room before my eyes stopped. Brown hair, blue eyes, black t shirt, staring at me. Matt. My heart dropped to my toes. We stared at each other. He just looked at me from across the room. My body lit on fire. I couldn't do this. No. I can't. He can't-

My body filled with panic. I had to get out of here. I looked back up at the boy standing in front of me. "Nice to meet you, I have to leave" I said turning without waiting for a response, I didn't look back at Matt as I sped in the opposite direction and walked down a hallway, walking out onto the back porch. The cold air hit me as I attempted to breath. Air. Where was the air?

"Y/n/n?"

I turned quickly and I saw Tommy sitting in a chair, along with Blake, Tyler, and a few other people I knew. I turned around and didn't see anyone following me, so I looked back at him a soft smile.

"Hey" I breathed. He stood up off the chair and walked over to me wrapping me in a hug. "Thanks for coming, It's good to see you" He smiled letting me go. I nodded smiling. "Come sit" He said motioning to the open chair. I nodded looking back towards the door, still nothing. I walked over seeing a bunch of weed, rolling papers, and trays laid out on the table in front of everyone.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him. "Should have known I'd find you out here" I laughed lightly. He smiled and nodded as he sat down next to me and picked up the joint he was previously rolling.

"Where's that little white boy you're always with?" He asked looking up at me briefly before going back to the blunt focusing on it. I looked down at his hands and then towards the door. "Uh" I breathed. I leaned back in the chair. "I don't know" I lied shrugging. He raised his eyebrows. "I didn't scare him off too badly did I?" He chuckled, making me smile. I shook my head.

"No, he just uh-we don't-" I stopped biting my lip. He nodded looking at me. "Ah, I see. No more white boy" He said. I sighed looking at the table. "No more white boy" I said back. He smiled. "Good. Now you can hang with me again" He smiled. I laughed and shook my head at him.

He finished the blunt and held it over to me. I shook my head scrunching my nose. "You know I don't smoke" I said pushing his hands away. "Yeah you're pussy ass lungs can't handle it" He chuckled. I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Tommy" I smiled. He leaned up reaching in his bag. "If you want to get high though, me and my buddy made these this morning" He said throwing a plastic bag of brownies on the table in front of us.

I looked at the bag and then to Tommy. Ediables. He looked at me as he lit the joint in his hands, inhaling it. I shrugged. "I don't know Tommy" I breathed. He rolled his eyes. "Sounds like you just went through a shitty breakup no?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I pursed my lips, looking down.

"And you're here to get over that because you wouldn't be here right now if white boy had a say. Am I right?" He asked leaning his hands on his knees. I sighed looking up at him. He shrugged leaning back. "I know you, you're deflecting" He pointed at me smiling. I pushed his shoulder shaking my head.

"Did you drink?" He asked. "A bit" A said quietly. "Then if you take an ediable it just intensifise the drunk part, you'll be good" He nodded. I sighed looking at it. "Just eat the damn brownie y/n/n" Tyler said from the other side of me, clearly high out of his mind. I groaned picking up the bag and staring at it.

Did I really want to do this? What would Matt say? Why wasn't he coming and looking for me? I bit my lip. Does he not care? Why is he here?

I closed my eyes. Get out of your head Y/n. This was the whole purpose of tonight. Forget about it for a little while. Just eat that damn brownie.

I blinked my eyes opened. "Girl, you're freaking me out" Blake laughed. I glared at him. "Shut up, don't you have a baby at home?" I said his face dropped as Tommy and Tyler laughed.

I opened the bag and took the brownie out. I looked at it before taking a bite and chewing it. Tommy just looked at me as I swallowed it. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Damn girl that was a big ass bite" Tyler laughed. "Ew, it tastes like grass" I laughed. Tommy nodded. "That's what it is dumbass" he said making me laugh. I sighed and leaned back. This would be good for me. Wouldn't it?

Matt pov

I practically ran out of my car and up to the front of the house, my heart beating out of my chest. Was she safe? Was she okay? Was she talking to another guy? My breathing was unsteady as I walked through the front door. My anxiety was at an all time high. I didn't even know if she was here. Something in my chest told me she was. I took in a breath as the crowd of people around me appeared.

I glanced around, looking for her. Face after face, nothing. I didn't recognize anyone. I swallowed as I moved through the crowd. How did I let it get to this point? I waited too long. My heart pounded against my chest, I could hear it in my ears. Please be here. Please be here. I moved by some people, one girl attempting to talk to me but I completely ignored her.

Y/n.Y/n.Y/n. Was the only thing I could hear in my mind. The music blaring so loud but I couldn't even hear it as I looked at girl after girl. None of them her. I walked into the kitchen, letting out a breath.

"Where are you?" I whispered glancing around the room. I walked past a group of people moving into the living room. My eyes scanned the room. My heart dropped when I saw her. She was leaned up against the wall, looking down. She looked so beautiful. Her jeans hugging all the right curves and her eyelashes batting slightly down, her hair tied up to show her face. I let a smile come to my face. Mine.

"Thank you God" I whispered. I let out a breath, before stepping forward but stopping when I saw a guy approach her. I stood frozen. My feet practically cemented to the ground as anger rose on my face.

I saw his mouth move, she glanced up at him responding and then looking back down. I just watched them from across the room. He spoke again, her face screaming 'i'm not interested' as she glanced away from him as she spoke.

Her sarcastic smile, made me smile. She wasn't interested. I let out a breath. He held out his hand but she just looked down at it and then back up at him with a straight face. This boy has no idea what he's doing clearly. She kept speaking to him and I saw him reach into his pocket saying something and holding two pills out in his hands. My heart dropped along with my smile.

Y/n don't. My mind screamed, but my feet wouldn't move. She looked down at his hands and shook her head. He shrugged before taking one.Y/n walk away. I wanted to scream. He said something making her smile. My face tightened, then her eyebrows furrowed as she glanced around the room, before her eyes landed on me.

The power of her gaze, of her acknowledgement almost making me sick. I swallowed as I saw the expression her face change, her face turned white as she stared back at me. We just looked at each other as I saw a million thoughts race through her head. She quickly turned back to the guy in front of her and said something before bolting in the opposite direction.

My heart dropped. No, please. I stepped forward, but felt someone grab my arm, pulling me backwards. I turned around glaring when I saw it was Lucy.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She snapped. I let out a breath, looking down at her. "Remove your arm from me now Lucy" I stated calmly. She roughly let go of my arm. "You're lucky i'm not ripping it clean-off dickhead" She spat at me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. There's no way I'm dealing with this right now.

"Seriously. What are you doing here? You need to leave" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not leaving" I said shaking my head looking at her. Her face hardened. "She doesn't need this. Not tonight. Not right now. She's trying to move on. Why won't you let her?" She said shaking her head looking up at me. I swallowed. "She's deflecting. She's not moving on. You don't call this moving on" I said motioning to the party around me.

"You don't think I know that Matt? She's my best friend" She sighed looking at me. I turned looking towards the direction she walked. "Don't" Lucy warned making me look back at her. I glared harshly. "Do you know what you've done to that poor girl? She hasn't left her room in a week. She's not talking to me- She's not eating. God, she's not even herself!" She yelled at me. My heart clenched. I looked down at my feet, swallowing imagining what Y/n's been going through completely alone.

"Why didn't you respond to my texts?" I asked looking at her. She sighed looking to the side and then back to me. "Because you don't get to know how she's doing Matt. You don't get to know if she's talked about you or if she wants to see you or any of that shit Matt, because you're not apart of her life anymore. You don't get the priveledge of knowing what's happening with her at all" She shook her head. I bit my lip. She was right. I didn't deserve to know anything.

"Did you tell her I've been texting you?" I asked raising my eyebrows. She just looked at me with pursed lips. "Lucy, come on." I groaned. She shook her head holding her hands up. "I'm not apologizing for it either. It's better for her if she thinks you haven't reached out" She said looking at me. I shook my head letting out a shaky breath.

"You don't understand Lucy. You don't understand anything about us. We're-" I stopped. Why was I sitting here explaining this to her and not searching for Y/n. "I'm not doing this. I'm going to find her" I said turning and walking away. She grabbed my arm again stopping me.

"Not if I can help it, leave Matt. She doesn't want you here" She said glaring at me. I ripped my arm away. "Lucy" I said closing my eyes letting out an angry breath. "No, you can't keep playing this game with her! You're selfish! You're-" She yelled at me.

"I love her goddammit!" I yelled back, her face dropped. I just looked down at her shaking my head. "I'm so fucking in love with her, I can't even think straight" I breathed. She closed her eyes sighing. "You're an idiot Matthew" She breathed calmly. I bit my lip. "Don't you think I know that? I'm trying to fix this" I said feeling tears brim at my eyes. She tapped her foot, looking at me contemplating believing me.

"I c-can't live without her please" I whispered looking at her. She rolled her eyes before looking at me sadly. She licked her lips. "You check upstairs, I'll ask around if anyone saw where she went" She said looking at me with a straight expression. I sighed a breath of relief and smiled.

"Thank you" I breathed. She nodded looking annoyed. "Go" she waved me on. I nodded before turning and running towards the steps. I could barley see, my mind was racing as I ran up the steps of the house. I looked from side to side, seeing people crowding the hallways. I sighed, worry filling my chest. I walked to the bathroom and banged on the door.

"Someone's in here" I heard a girl say. I banged on the door harder. I few seconds later two girls I didn't recognize opened the door with a annoyed expression. "Geez how bad do you have to pee?" One blonde said angrily. I looked behind them, she wasn't in there.

"Fuck" I whispered before turning down the hall, opening a door walking in seeing a group of people sitting and talking. None of them were her. I swallowed walking out without saying anything. Opening door after door, people making out, people doing drugs, people passed out. Not one were her.

I swung one door open to see two people full on having sex. I closed my eyes and slammed the door, trying to delete the imagine from my brain. I shook with disgust. God, I hope that's not what we look like.

I opened the door beside it and saw two people pressed against each other against the wall. My heart dropped, brown hair, jeans. Please, no. Please, no. I froze looking at them. Y/n No please no, don't be you. God please don't let it be her. Not her. Not mine. Someone else's not mine.

The two people pulled apart glaring over at me. Blue eyes, big nose, not her. I sighed of relief, leaning back. "Sorry" I breathed walking out of the room, closing the door. I closed my eyes and sighed.

Y/n, where were you?

Y/n pov

"If you think about it science fiction is not really science fiction because the fiction part of it might actually be true, we just don't know it yet" Tyler said looking up. We all looked at him with a blank stare.

"Dude" Tommy laughed leaning back. Blake started dying laughing and I chuckled to myself, shaking my head as smoke circled around me. "I hate this conversation" I laughed. "Then let's talk about you" Tommy said motioning to me. I shook my head leaning back. "Let's not" I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"You feeling anything yet?" He asked, I shrugged. "Not really" I replied. "Then eat the rest" He motioned to the half finished brownie. I furrowed my eyebrows looking down at it. "Dude" Tyler said looking over at Tommy. "What? She must have a high tolerence" He shrugged. I just glanced between them. I was feeling it a little bit, I was a tad foggy but not high.

"Should I?" I asked looking at him. He glanced over at me. "Are you still thinking about white boy?" He asked taking another hit of his joint. I sighed looking down. His face, eyes, smile, and voice came over my mind like a storm. I bit my lip.

"Eat the brownie" He said clearly knowing my answer. I sighed picking up the brownie eating the rest slowly. Tommy smiled as he went on to talk with the rest of the people around us. We'd been sitting out here for almost 30 minutes now. I engaged in the conversation here and there, but mostly just listened. I was really trying to feel the effects of the entire weed brownie I just ingested.

Now, I feel kind of stupid. Turning to drugs just to forget. I placed my hand against my forehead. God, i'm an idiot. I looked towards the door. I wondered If Matt left. I wondered if he came to see me or happened to be here and saw me and the left. I wondered if he missed me, or at least the sex. God. I leaned back looking up at the sky.

I was calm. I smiled to myself, wait this was cool.

"Y/n/n?"

I looked up and everyone was looking at me. I smiled loosley at them. Tommy chuckled. "You feeling it sweetheart?" He asked. I nodded, feeling myself start to laugh. Tommy shook his head smiling.

I missed Tommy. I wondered if he did want to fuck me though, I wondered if Matt was right. I scrunched my nose. Ew. Thinking about having sex with anyone other than Matt made me physically Ill. I wondered If Matt thought the same thing. Ah, Matt. He's so cute. His eyes were so blue. I loved him so much. Why was I mad at him again?

I blinked slowly, trying to regain my thoughts. Wow, my head hurt. I swallowed leaning up and sitting forward, but my vision came afterwards. I closed my eyes grasping my hands on the sides of the chair, trying to regain my sense of movement. I blinked my eyes open. Fuck. My vision was going in and out of focus and the people around me were here and then they weren't. The voices around me I no longer could hear. The chirping of the crickets around us were no longer chirpping.

I closed my eyes. Focus. You're just freaking yourself out, it's just weed. Just a drug, control yourself. You're stronger than it. I suddenly felt a jolt, as if someone touched me. My eyes shot open as I flinched, I gripped the sides of my chair.

I looked around and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I looked around, horrified. Tommy leaned into me. "You....Okay?" His voice was slow. I squinted my eyes at him. Why was he talking so slow? I just looked at him trying to understand him. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. Oh no. Oh god no. I was too aware of my heart beating and I was too aware of my breathing as I attempted to breathe in.

I saw the door open that led out to where we were. I glanced slowly and I saw what looked like Matt, the boy I loved so much. But he wasn't here. Was he? I narrowed my eyes and saw Matt sighed and a worried expression spread across my face. I squinted my face as I gripped the sides of the chair harder, screaming in my head. Fuck.

Matt, help. Matt help me please. Baby. Please. Help, I'm so high. Help, I think I'm dying. I'm freaking out. I can't breathe.

eekkkk live laugh love life uhh see yall tomorrow? (im sorry)

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @strunsclutter @sturniolodreamz @ejswift @mmm1234 @dandeluvr @paper-crab @mwah0mwah

#nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #Spotify

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ugh-yoongi · 5 months

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so sorry it took me a few days to get this together for you, but i hope you enjoy some of these!

most of these works contain mature themes/content. please heed tags and do not engage with any explicit work if you are a minor!

i'm sure there are a bunch i've forgotten, so please feel free to reblog and share your own work and your faves!

also, please note: there are a lot of fics on these lists that are posted to ao3. it has recently come out that a volunteer was removed from their position for being pro-palestine (you can find the twt thread here). i am in the process of looking for a better alternative, but until then, it is unfortunately probably the best way to share these stories. while i personally won't be posting to or reading on ao3 for the time being, how you choose to engage going forward is completely up to you! i just wanted to make sure i was being transparent.

hobi x reader

guarded & kanalia by @xjoonchildx — basically anything by ana lbr

just practice & we float by @anotherbtswriter

gone wild by @johobi

liar, liar by @eoieopda

party on you by @here2bbtstrash

do i wanna know? by @yoongiphoria

started with a spark, now we're on fire by @the-boy-meets-evil

renegade by @junghelioseok

midnight confessions by @snackhobi

cry to my room by @kithtaehyung

matters of the heart by @hobidreams

plant boy by @gukyi

sunlit affair by @ubemango

the art of war by @wwilloww

not today, satan by @gimmethatagustd

the wood by @sailoryooons

virtuoso by @hamsterclaw

even though by @moni-logues

anything by @dilfhoseokie

upbeat

for the first time (what's past is past)

same old mistakes

tip 143 (for ∞ seconds of love)

as always, mxm fics (aka me being embarrassing sope trash) under the cut!

member x member

little miracles by @here2bbtstrash (jihope)

you're not mine, but you're the best (jihope) ⭐

i only always think (jihope)

you made me dream when i couldn't sleep (jihope)

walk the walk (jihope)

polaroid (jihope)

a midnight clear (jihope) ⭐

got an offer you might refuse (jihope feat. jin)

i don't want it at all (jihope feat. jin)

please be my finale (sope) ⭐

i've been calling your name (in this whole universe) (sope)

nothing without sunlight (sope)

same damn hunger (sope) ⭐

hot fuss (sope)

i'd love it if we made it (sope) ⭐

rub your feelings down my spine (sope)

kiss me hard before you go (sope) ⭐

how easy this should be (sope)

all my days (i'll know your face) (sope)

those ocean eyes (sope)

leave you drowning (until you reach for my hand) (sope)

reputation (sope)

snapshots from the breakdown (sope) ⭐

the best is yet to come (sope)

my hands down your pants (no homo) (sope)

first times and stuff & an experiment in threesomes (sope feat. jk)

at least i got you in my head (hopekook)

10/10, would do again (hopekook)

bone + tissue (hopekook)

telepathy (rapline)

delta (rapline)

i get those goosebumps every time (rapline)

i'm on fire (rapline)

when the moon rises (namseok)

how i'm imagining you (namseok)

in your atmosphere (namseok)

why don't you figure (my heart) out (namseok)

the universe needs more you (namseok)

bated breath (2seok)

smile like you mean it (2seok)

gingerbread (2seok)

cowboys love horses (2seok)

natural gnosis and the chaos therein (2seok) ⭐

telepathy for virgins (2seok)

⭐ = personal mxm favorite. please read any of these and return to scream over them with me.

#hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #hobi x reader #jhope fanfic #hoseok fanfic #jhope smut #hoseok smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #fic rec

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ellseasp · 8 days

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EPISODE 1: PILOT

WARNINGS: 18+, heavy drug usage (cocaine, weed, alcohol, etc), oral sex (R, E, D, A, ETC), tribbing, overdoses (reader), mentions of overdoses, angst, EVERYONE WILL BE IN COLLEGE AS EUPHORIA IS SET IN HIGHSCHOOL!, mentions of self harm, Jules will be transgender (same in the show, except sex won't be with her), shoplifting, mentions of death, NATE and his family will most likely be left out of this completely and set with new characters that are less toxic, dealer!ellie (sometimes), drug deals, swearing, less abusive relationships but still toxic, mentions of rehab, rehab (detox), death, degradation, toxic sex, rough sex, strap usage, strap sucking, mentioning of 9/11, lmk if I missed anything please!

a/n: this will be VERY similar to Euphoria, you will be RUE (Due to it being "your" story I will be writing it with 'I' as Rue talks). I just need to figure out where abby, dina, jesse, etc will fit into the story. I do know abby will be CAT very likely all the characters will be the exact same (besides from Nate and his parents) I've struggled with a few of the problems in Euphoria and I've written my own fic about MY addictions but I figured I'd do Euphoria too hehe, I will be removing the SA parts of the story because that's just something I don't want to have on my page. Please let me know if you want to be on the taglist whilst I actually have inspo to write :) 3.8K WORDS, spell checked and shit idk man it's like 4 hours past my bed time and 1am

I WILL BE MAKING A EUPHRIA PLAYLIST FOR EACH CHAPTER!

Taglist: @snowy-vee , @vqxen @pedropascalsbbg

PRESENT DAY

"I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own private primordial pool." I am standing in front of hundreds of people who are here listening to my story—to say the very least, I was nervous. I always have been a fucking addict, and now I'm telling my story of how I recovered from this fucking disease that ruined my fucking life.

"Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, I was repeatedly crushed." I blink my eyes, looking at the floor, struggling to find the right words: "over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Grace."

"I put up a good fight, but I lost, for the first time, and definitely not my last... I was born three days after 9/11."

Memories flood back to when I could hear the TV going on the day I was born.

"I can hear you; I can hear you; the rest of the world hears you; and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon." The unknown man says on the TV that hearing the words "USA, USA!" being chanted over and over again made me cry as a baby. Those chants will forever haunt me.

"My mom and dad spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching the towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness." I shift uncomfortably in the silence of the audience, glancing at my good friends Jesse and Ellie, who indicate for me to keep talking. A soft chuckle comes from my lips as I continue on with the story.

"And then," I take a deep breath, "without warning, we moved to a friendly neighborhood in the suburbs, to where a middle-class child, me to be exact, was looking up at the ceiling, counting those fucking numbers like I could fucking see them. Over and over again. 'thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen."

"My mother looked up at that ceiling like I was fucking crazy; the words she said echo through my dumb brain still: 'What are you looking at, y/n?'" "I kept counting, trying my hardest to ignore her. She said to me, 'y/n, look at me."

I chuckle. "I bet you all know where this is going. I kept counting, but from the start," and my smile dropped immediately.

"I remember breaking down and crying when my mother tried to snap me out of it. I wanted... I had nothing but to cry, so that's what I did. I sat in a doctor's office a few weeks later with my mother crying next to me as the doctor said I could be suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder, and possible bipolar disorder." I put my hand up close to the mic to cup it. "But I was a little too young to tell," I said in a joking tone, cracking a laugh from the crowd. "Y'all get me; y'all fucking get me."

"With this being said, I was put on medication to treat half of the disorders I had, and to be honest, I don't remember much between the ages of 8 and 12. Just that the world moves fast and my brain moves so fucking slowly."

"I would sit my fucking ass in class every day and try my hardest to listen to what that fucking teacher was trying to teach, but sometimes I would focus on my breathing a little too hard. I'd die. That teacher held a bag to my mouth to calm my breathing, though it never really helped. I remember trying to outrun my anxiety every day, looking in the mirror and trying to push my stomach in so I wouldn't look "fat."

"I would constantly get messages from people telling me they wanted to kill me, drug me, make fun of me, and bully me. My mother knew something was up and constantly asked me what was wrong, but I always gave the same response: 'I'm just fucking exhausted."

AGE 19 (college years)

"You said the doctor was in our network. How could he suddenly be out of network?" I hear my mother say as I walk out of my room into the kitchen, "I can't afford it" Grace says.

"did you see the beauty queen who got acid thrown in her face?" My sister says as I begin to lean on the dinning room table. "Mm, what? No" I say, turning my attention to her and out of my trance. "it's pretty fucked up." She says holding up her phone. "Hey, Mom, you got any tampons?" I turned my head to face her as she looked at the documents in her hand, I knew full well I wasn't going to be getting tampons but she didn't need to know that shit.

"in my bathroom, under the sink." She replies back, I swiftly make my way to the bathroom.

I enter her bathroom and cough as I open her medicine cabinet to take a few of her Alprazolam (XANAX) pills.

I would do this countless times, and surprisingly at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want in life.

I pretend to flush the toilet and I look at the picture in my mother's bathroom- it had my dad and my Mom on it on their wedding day.

I look at myself in the mirror washing my hands and putting on sunglasses to hide my pupils that are almost as big as my actual eye itself- I get out of the bathroom to go back into the kitchen

"alright, Jayda, let's roll." I say to my sister as she looks at me and frowns, probably these fucking sunglasses.

"y/n, did you eat breakfast?" Grace says, moving the phone away from her mouth. "I had coffee!" I yell out, opening the front door and making my way out.

Jayda and I begin to walk down the sidewalk, she turns her attention onto me and asks what's with the sunglasses.

"what sunglasses?" I say and chuckle, Jayda laughs with me.

We both make our way to the bus and wait for it to arrive, once it arrives we get on the bus and make our way to the back of the bus.

I guess... I showed up one day, without a map or a compass... Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice. And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what? I didn't build this system nor did I fuck it up.

I was sitting at a party, with a galaxy book to my knees and a line of cocaine, holding the perfectly rolled 5 dollar bill that had been rolled by some rando.

I snort the line of cocaine and immediately felt the pain in my nose, moving my hand up to my nose and applying pressure to where it is painful, making my breathing hitch, then speeding up my breathing in order to get rid of the pain.

My pupils immediately shot big, looking around—everything felt good, my mind at ease and nothing to worry about. I sit up with the most unreal experience, an out-of-body feeling as I struggle to get up.

"y/n, you good?" My friend Ellie attempts to hold my shoulders to steady me as I wobble slightly, I giggle and smile at her, escaping her grasp. "I'm good!"

I walk past people- everything is in slow motion, my body feels slow, my mind feels slow, and suddenly I no longer feel as high- I find another unknown substance and waste no time snorting it, sitting down on the couch.

I sat back up from the couch I was sitting at, getting offered yet another line of cocaine. I snort that cocaine as well, that leaves it hard for me to breathe, every time I take a breathe out. It feels like I'm breathing out all the oxygen I have.

And then it happens. That moment when your breath starts to slow, and every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have. And everything stops: your heart, your lungs, then finally your brain. Then everything you feel, and wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks. And then suddenly... You give it air again, give it life again, and that's what leaves you needing more.

I smile at the figure I see besides me, her face is blurred but she's speaking to me, I feel scared. "I want to call an ambulance" I say in my mind, "but I don't wanna ruin everyone's time"

"dude get her fucking legs" I hear muffled voices, slowly waking up. It was Ellie and Jesse dragging my body to Ellie's bed, after I had passed out on the couch at that random frat party-

I stand in a church with my hands behind my back, looking up at the ceiling waiting to graduate from rehab. Slowly making my way up the steps, I look at the lady and give her a smile and a nod before exiting the building.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Echoing in my mind over and over again as I make my way to Ellie's car.

"Hey!" I see Ellie running up to me. I drop my bags as she pulls me into a tight hug. I smiled at her shoulder. She squeals, letting go of me and looking at my face, pulling a hair strand behind my ear.

"I've missed you," she admits. "I've missed you too."

"What about we go back to mine and we can watch a movie?" Ellie suggests that, honestly, I wanted to get home and get out to my fucking dealer. I never had intentions of staying clean, but she didn't need to know.

"Uh yeah, sure," I say, quickly breaking myself out of my own stance. She helps me with my bag, and she puts it in Joel's old, beat-up truck, and I get into the front seat. "Everyone's missed you, dude, Abby, Dina, Jesse, and Maddie. Fucking everyone, dude."

I chuckle.

I cuddle up with Ellie in her dad's garage as we watch Jurassic Park. I'm on top of her, listening to her breathing—she's relaxed; she's always around me.

I find myself nuzzling into her neck. She moves her head to the side, so you have better access to her neck. I softly kiss her neck; she's always so soft.

Her eyes flutter shut as I start to suck on her neck, her hands finding their way to my ass, slowly rocking me back and forth to grind on her. Ellie let out a choked moan as she felt my clothed cunt rub against her clit.

"Y/N, fuck," she moans. I smile against her neck and make my way to Ellie's lips.

I kiss her slowly, but Ellie starts to become desperate, whining into my mouth as I refuse to give her what she wants. I move my hand underneath her hoodie to find her tits; of course she's not wearing a fucking bra or shirt under her jumper. It's Ellie.

"Wait," I say, pulling down her pants and boxers in one go. I look at her swollen cunt, slowly moving my head downward to lick up her slit, making my way to her clit.

She bucks her hips up into my tongue, I moan into her cunt, and she tangles her hand in my hair, slightly tugging upwards, making me groan loudly.

"S-sh-it," her voice is choked. "Fuck, just like that," she moans, rolling her eyes back, her toes curling in her socks. "Hmm? Feel good, baby?" I say to her, slowly lifting my head up, abandoning her swollen cunt.

"Fucking don't," she threatened, and I chuckled. I push my middle finger into her soaking pussy as I attach back to her clitoral area; her breathing gets faster, and I feel her tighten around my fingers.

"F-FUCK!" She moans loudly, and I feel her pussy conract on my finger as she cums, her fingers tugging at my hair. "A bit loud, don't you think?" I tease after letting her ride out her orgasm, and I move up to kiss her sweaty forehead. "Shut up"

"got another in you?" I smirk, taking off my pants, t-shirt, and bra. Ellie takes off her jumper, leaving us both naked. I allow Ellie to get up and let her go on top of me.

Ellie aligns her clit up with mine and moans quickly, filling the room each time Ellie moves her hips. I start to dig your nails into Ellie's back, making her groan in pain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ellie chants from the overstimulation. "C'mon, baby, I know—fuck, I know you can do it." I praise her as I feel a knot in my stomach, threatening to come undone.

Ellie moves her shoulder closer to my face. I take this as an opportunity to bite down on her shoulder, which makes her wince in pain.

"I'm going to fucking cum!" Ellie moans out. Hearing Ellie say this triggers my own orgasm, and we both cum together.

I sit up in bed watching Ellie sleep, and I take out my phone to look at the time.

4AM

"Fuck it," I think before opening Ellie's window slowly, climbing out her window, and making my way to my dealer's house.

"There's a new girl in town I think you're going to be friends with." I stand in front of my dealer, who's sitting down in his chair. "who?" I question.

"shit... I don't know, man. She came in yesterday lookin' all Sailor Moon and sh*t. I'm thinking to myself, "You look like somebody you would get along with."

"Ah, real nice, dude. Really nice, where's ash?"

"I thought you went to rehab?"

"Doesn't that mean I stayed sober?" I smiled, walking towards Ash's room with a smile. I opened his door to see him eating cereal. He puts down his bowl and looks at me.

"Shit, I thought your ass was dead."

"I thought you had Asperger's till I realized you're just a prick." I insult him. "This is a fickle industry. Y'all come and go." He chuckles.

I ask for what I want, and he hands it to me. "Sure, you don't want to try anything new?"

"Like, what?" I asked, pulling the hair out of my face.

"2-C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT." "I have no idea what the fuck you just said, Ash."

"Doesn't matter, dude, this sh*t. Is fucking lit?" He holds up a bag with two unknown pills. "It's a fast-acting psychedelic. I have some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual and shit, but still a sense of distortion... I don't know what's been blowing up in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck on it."

"okay, yeah." I say, putting all the baggies in my pocket, "That'll be 120."

"Fez said he'd spot me."

"Fezco, don't spot anybody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him." I say, pointing the middle finger at him, opening his door, and leaving.

"Do you think my areolas look weird?" Dina says to Abby, "What the fuck, no?"

"Just the edges."

"Dina, they're fine," Abby says, taking a puff of the weed Cassie gives her.

"Fine, like, they're weird, kind of weird, or fine, like, nobody but me would ever notice what I would notice?"

"Fine, like, shut the fuck up, Dina," Cassie says, sitting up, grabbing her vape, and taking a puff. Dina scoffs, pulling up her t-shirt to cover her boobs.

"Hey ladies!" Jesse walks in. "Hey baby," Dina squeals, running to Jesse and hugging him. Abby cringes.

"Straight people, ew," she thinks to herself, looking at her phone. "Yo, you got out of rehab."

"Didn't she die?" Dina asks, and Abby shrugs.

"Yeah, I swear she died. I don't know, is Ellie coming to the party?" Jesse questions, to which Dina nods.

I get off my bike at home, slightly drugged up from the drugs I took earlier.

I walk into the house, softly shutting the door.

"Where were you?" My mother says, sitting at the table, Why the fuck is she up at 6 a.m.? You thought to yourself: "I went to eat," I lie. "What the fuck do you mean, you went to eat?"

"what?"

"what?" She mocks, "Don't walk away from me." She sits up from her seat, walking towards me as I walk towards my room. "You know what, y/n? I don't trust you."

"I don't know what you want me to say." It's true; I didn't know why she wanted me to say it. "I want you to tell me where you were," she says, walking quickly as I walk to my room.

"I just said I went to fucking eat!" I yell at her, "Don't you talk to me like that!" Grace says as I slam the door on her face. "Don't be slamming my doors around here."

"It was a fucking accident!" I yell out, holding my body in front of the door. "I don't care. You're not leaving this house until you take a drug test."

"I just peed!" I yell out, "Slam another door."

"Shit," I say, making my way to my bed, not knowing what to do. Every option I could do is unsafe as fuck.

Niacin, maybe. I don't know fuck, I think to myself, putting out my phone to look at the side effects.

Google

Side effects: skin flushing, extreme dizziness, vomiting, rapid heartbeat, and sometimes death.

Fuck, I can't.

"No drug site recommends doing this" I whisper to myself.

The other option is to get a non drug-addicted friend to do it for me.

About 20 minutes later, I show up at Dina's door, knocking.

"y/n!" Dina says, opening the door, smiling and hugging me, "I thought you died."

I laugh. "Can you do me a favor?" Uhm, I'm serious, bro."

"Sure, what is it, y/n?"

"Can you, uh, piss in this cup for me?" I whisper to her . "You're fucking with me, right?" She responds back, and I laugh and shrug.

Dina agrees to do it, and I enter her house to see Jesse and Abby.

"Sup Jesse," I say, fist bumping Jesse, then Abby.

"We thought you fucking died, bro. How was rehab?" Jesse says it with a genuine tone. "Yeah, it was good." I turn to Abby and ask, "How's football going?"

"Yeah, good. Thanks, uh, are you coming to that party tonight?" Abby asks, "Uhm, yeah, maybe."

"y/n" Dina grabs your attention, you move away from Jesse and Abby, and she swiftly hands you the bottle. "Here's that eyeliner."

"thank you"

I quietly climb through my window, grabbing my baggie of crushed cocaine, tipping some out onto my shelf, grabbing my 5 dollar note, rolling it up, and snorting a line.

"Argh," I groan, feeling it hit my nose. The same pain I've always experienced with snorting was still there—just muffled out. By this point, my nose was completely fucked, and I could hear the sound of the drugs eating away at my nose.

"Mom! I have to pee."

"I wish we could do this in a way that wasn't a complete invasion of my privacy." I say, cup in hand, struggling not to smile at her due to the drugs I had taken earlier on.

"Well, you lost your right to privacy after your overdose," your mom says, staring at you in the eyes.

"That was an accident." I smartly talk back, "Don't be flippy, y/n."

"Could you, at least?" Your mom turns around and says, "Thank you."

I sit down, and before "peeing" in the cup, I swiftly change it with Dina's urine as she talks. I wasn't listening to whatever the fuck she was saying... I was high as fuck, and I didn't care.

I gave her the urine sample, and she put the drug test in the container, and all of them came out negative. "I'm sorry for slamming the door earlier."

"it's okay. I forgive you. Come here." My mom says, pulling me in for a hug.

I guess... Like I said before, you get to choose who you want to be and how you want to be- the way the drugs cancelled out all my emotions was what I was looking for, no person, no nothing could compare to that feeling. Besides from drugs.

"I'm gonna stay at Dina's tonight" i say to which she agrees.

It's now 7PM, I don't know how the day went by so fast- but it did and it fucking sucked. I get a text from Ellie.

Ellie: Yo, noticed you left this morning you okay?

Me: yeah, I'm good bro. You alg?

Ellie: yep! Wanna come over tonight? Dont have to if you wanna go to the party instead

Me: I'll come over around like 11?

I find myself making my way to the party that Jesse, Dina, and Abby are going to.

Jesse and Dina have fucked off somewhere else, probably making out or fucking, and you find yourself next to Abby.

"How was rehab, y/n?" She says, breaking the tension, although I can barely hear her over the music, "Yeah, it was good!" I yell over the music.

I stand up, looking for the bathroom in an attempt to snort more, but people were already in the bathroom. "Shit," I think to myself, not paying attention to where I'm walking, accidentally bumping into this lady.

"fuck!" I yell. Looking at her, she looks like the girl Faz mentioned. "Hey, sorry." I retrace my steps.

"You're good; I'm, uh, I'm Jules," she says, and I smile, holding out my hand to shake hers. She accepts and shakes my hand.

She's got one of the most beautiful smiles you have ever seen; her smile is so bright it could light up an entire dark room, filled with nothing but sadness.

"I'm y/n" I introduce myself, to which we exchange numbers, and I make my way to Ellie's place, feeling overwhelmed from the party.

I knock on her door for Joel to answer; my pupils are dilated, and obviously I've taken some sort of drug.

"y/n... Hey, Ellie's in her room." I smile stupidly. These fucking drugs, man, I can't stop smiling . I swiftly walk past Joel and see Ellie. I smile at her, and she smiles back. "Dude, are you high?" She scoffs, "I thought... I thought you quit."

"I'm not high, Ellie, mania." I giggle; she obviously doesn't want to assume, so she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you coming back to college this month?" She questions. "Yeah, probably." The truth was, I didn't want to. But I knew I probably had to.

I shall leave it at this due to how many words, etc. and idk if people will like this 😭😭

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thxliaaa · 2 years

Text

it changes everything | steve harrington

synopsis - before you and steve divorced, you found out you were pregnant with his baby but didn’t tell him because you didn’t want it to influence his decision about the divorce.

pairing - steve harrington x reader

genre - angst. secret pregnancy trope ;)

warning/s - mentions of pregnancy, blood, miscarriage, divorce, fighting.

author’s note - japril’s divorce broke my heart, they deserved better <3

based on one of the scenes from grey’s anatomy

also i’m so sorry for the steve only content. I've been obsessed with him these past few days. i promise to post about the other characters soon so stay tuned.

ps. in this imagine, the younger group is like 15-16 whereas the older group is like 25-26

part two

masterlist | join my taglist

The day you got married to Steve was the happiest day of your life. At first, everything was perfect. Both of you never left the honeymoon phase. Sure, the two of you might have arguments every now and then, but it was nothing major. You always knew that Steve wanted six babies, and the thought of it never fails to bring a smile to your face. However, when the two of you started trying for a baby, that’s when everything started to fall apart.

Test after test, everything would always result in a negative one. You were getting weary of expecting something big, yet get nothing in return. Steve would always comfort you after everything even though he too was getting exhausted of being optimistic thinking that one day two lines might appear on your pregnancy test. That was until one night.

Seeing two lines in the pregnancy test in your hand, you were ecstatic about this. You were finally gonna be a mother. When you told Steve about the good news over dinner, he was overjoyed. A tiny blob was finally growing inside of you.

Steve was protective over you, he would never let you do simple things by yourself, he would always insist on doing it for you. You two were happy. But as they all say, everything good must come to an end.

One night, you had just finished doing the dishes until you started to feel something running down your thighs. You went to the bathroom to check on it, and you saw blood. You started to feel pain on your lower abdomen, and in that moment, you knew something was wrong.

You grabbed the telephone that was on the bathroom counter and quickly dialed Steve. Once he answered, you told him about the predicament that you were in. "Steve, I'm bleeding so much right now"

As you said those words, Steve wasted no second at all and rushed to see his boss and told him about your current situation. Once he was permitted to go, he went to his car then started driving as fast as he could.

When he got home, he saw you lying on the floor with blood surrounding you. He quickly picked you up then started driving to the hospital to get you the help you needed.

Once he got there, he fought with the nurse just to make sure you get the medical attention you needed, and as soon as a doctor got to you, his hands ran through his hair because of worry and sat down. He was worried about you.

As soon as you woke up, you were greeted with bad news. You had lost the baby. The good news didn’t even seem like good news to you, the thought about you losing your baby was the only thing on your mind right now. Why was life so unfair? You’ve done everything right, yet you get this in return? Everything felt like a fever dream.

Weeks had passed and you shut everyone out. You knew Steve was trying hard to cheer you up, but even he had to fight his own battles with his own demons. Trying to conceive a baby was hard enough, but losing the baby you had tried so hard to create was even harder. You felt as if a part of you died that day.

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. The pain was unbearable. Every night, you would cry yourself to sleep with Steve hearing your soft sobs as he tried to console you, but nothing helped.

Steve has had enough one day so he decided to confront you about it. “When are you gonna move one, (Y/N)?”

You turned to look at him in disbelief. Was he really asking you this question right now? Is he that insensitive that even you miscarrying was nothing to him?

“When I’m ready, Steve” You scoffed. “We’ve been trying for months and having the thing we tried so hard to get stripped away from us is hard for me” You added.

He furrowed his eyebrows at you. “I can’t believe you right now. Do you think this isn’t hard for me?”

“I lost a child too, (Y/N)!” He exclaimed. “The best thing you can do right now is at least help yourself accept that it happened.” Steve added.

“I can’t help you all the time, honey. It’s time you accept that our baby is gone.” He stepped closer towards you as he hugged you. “We can try again, (Y/N). We can always try again”

You closed your eyes as you sighed. “I know, it’s just that this is hard for me. I’m sorry, Steve”

“I know, baby. Let’s just stay like this for a while” And that was what you did.

Though that small talk may have worked a little, you still shut everyone around you out. Sure, you and Steve had your little arguments every now and then, but it was nothing major. However, Steve started to drift away from you.

You started to notice this because of the way he acted. He became colder than usual and whenever you would ask him about his day, he would always respond with “It's nothing, just the usual” everyday. The consequences of your actions had finally started to show.

So, you tried to be better, day by day, you picked yourself up piece by piece. You weren’t fully healed, but you were definitely better than before. Realizing that there’s no point in crying over something that happened, you decided to accept what had happened to you and let your baby move on to a better place.

One night, when Steve got home, he went to the master bedroom to rest. You were building up the courage to tell him that you were ready to try again, but you were scared. Sitting down on the cold bathroom floor, tears started rolling down your face. Thoughts started filling your head. “What if this won’t work and we fail trying to conceive a baby again?” “What if it was a success yet you miscarry again?”

Still, you ignored those negative thoughts and wiped the tears off of your face. You finally worked up the courage to tell Steve that you were ready to try again. Walking into the bedroom, you saw Steve laying down on the bed as he was watching TV.

When you entered, he glanced at you for a second then back at the TV again. “Steve” you said softly as he turned to look at you with his eyebrows raised.

“I think I’m ready to try again”

“What?” He asked as you repeated what you had said. “I said, I think I’m ready to try again for a baby” You sat down on the bed beside him as he did the same thing.

“Are you sure? I’m not pressuring you to do so. I’m ready whenever you’ll be ready” He said as he held your hand in his. “I’m ready now, Steve”

“Are you sure?” He looked into your eyes as you nodded in return. His hands were on your face as he pulled you in for a passionate kiss.

And you spent your entire night making love with him for the first time in months.

The predicament did not change, even after trying and trying, you still were getting negative results back. You were getting pessimistic again.

With that, the two of you started drifting away from each other often burying yourselves with work to avoid interacting with each other. If you did talk, it would only be an exchange of 2-3 words. It turns out that you weren’t the only one who noticed this, Steve did too, and he decided to do something about it.

One night, you and Steve were eating dinner in silence after work, only the sound of utensils filled the air. That was until Steve finally spoke.

“I want to get a divorce”

The clattering of your utensils stopped at his remark. You raised your head to look at him only to see him already looking at you. “Why?” you let out softly.

“Because it’s not the same anymore, I miss the old us. But we both know that’s not gonna happen again” He stated. “What would happen if we tried again and again and got the same results every time? Would you still act the same as you did before? Would you let me pick you up over and over again?” He asked.

“I’m getting tired too, (Y/N). I think it’s best if we go our separate ways” He said.

You were stunned and stayed still in your position. You knew that he was right, and you didn’t bother fighting him. Tears just started rolling down your face as you let out a soft “Ok” in agreement with what he said. Steve’s heart broke at the sight of you, but he knew that this decision was for the best.

That was until you started experiencing pregnancy symptoms. Nausea, sensitive to certain smells, and most importantly, your period was late. Other things could’ve been the cause of it too, but you knew that it would be better to know if it was what you think it was.

You bought a pregnancy stick from a store, and as soon as you got home, you peed on it. Two lines appeared on it. You were pregnant. Joy was the only emotion you had right now. But it was soon replaced with sadness.

You wanted to tell Steve so badly, but you knew that if you did, it would change his perspective on the divorce. You didn’t want him to stay with you just because of your baby, you believed that two people should stay together because they love each other, not because of a child. So, you decided not to tell him about it.

The divorce did happen after a few weeks, and Steve let you have the house. Your morning sickness wasn’t getting any better.

When you were walking around the mall to find baby items. You saw Steve and another girl with him. They were holding hands and kissing every now and then. You couldn’t help but feel jealous. That used to be you and him. But, you just ignored them and continued shopping.

This secret was getting too heavy for you to hold on to so you had decided to tell your bestfriend, Robin.

You, Steve, and Robin were close since high school and up till now. Robin was the first one to know about the divorce before you told the others about it. And now, Robin would be the first one to know about your secret pregnancy with yours and Steve’s baby.

Once you told Robin about the news, she was so excited to find out that she was going to be an aunt. She caressed your belly as she started talking to the baby inside of you.

“So how far along are you?” She asked. You sighed, “I haven’t gone to the doctor ever since I found out about this. The only time I went was to find out if I really was pregnant or not” You replied.

“What? That’s nuts! You should go to the doctor to at least find out if the baby is healthy or not!” She exclaimed. “No! I won’t go to the doctor, not until I finish my first trimester. I’m scared that I’m gonna miscarry again. So no, I won’t go and nothing you say will make me change my decision about it” You fought back.

“(Y/N) that’s dumb! You need to go to the doctor!”

“Enough! I will go when I end my first trimester and my decision is final” You replied back as you slumped in your seat. Robin didn’t put up any more fight with you, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to change your mind about it, so she decided to go to the person she knew who could maybe help.

You always had game nights on Fridays at Nancy and Jonathan’s place. They got married a few months after you and Steve did. This would be the first time you'd face Steve after your divorce.

Everyone except you was already there when Steve had arrived. He greeted everyone in the room until Robin pulled him aside into the kitchen to talk with him.

“So, how are you Steve?” Robin asked as Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you asking me that in general or is it about the divorce?” He queried.

“Uhh, both?” Robin smiled awkwardly as Steve raised one of his eyebrows at her. “Well I’m good in general and I’m doing well after the divorce. I’ve been seeing other people now”

“Wow that didn’t take long at all” Robin scoffed as Steve defended himself “Hey, Hey! It’s been a few weeks since the divorce, okay?”

“I waited and did not get right into it unlike other people” He added as she sighed at her friend. “Ok that’s good. I need to go now” She said but Steve pulled her back before she could even go.

“How’s (Y/N) doing?” He asked worried about his ex-wife. “She’s doing good” Robin replied hesitantly before facing Steve.

Robin took a deep breath before telling Steve the truth that her best friend hid from him. Something that haunted her every single night debating whether or not to tell Steve about it. “(Y/N)’s pregnant”

Steve stood there dumbfounded from what Robin had revealed to him. “It's yours, and she’s refusing to go to the doctor and I need you to convince her to go because she won’t. She just won’t go.”

Just as soon as he was about to reply, the front door opened revealing you. “So, I forgot to bring something but I ordered pizza, and I- Ooh is that Nancy’s cupcakes I smell? I need to have a taste of that” you giggle as you remove your shoes.

Steve walked towards you furious that you kept your pregnancy from him. “Oh hi” you smiled at him, but he didn’t return the smile back.

“Since when did you know?” He asked. “What do you mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “Since when did you know you were pregnant?”

You froze. Robin told him about it. You turned to face Robin who was behind Steve with a worried look on her face. “You told him about this?” you exclaimed at her.

“She did, but that’s not the point. You told Robin and not me?” He asked. “I don’t have time for this right now Steve”

“Then when do you have time? Were you even planning on telling me about this?” He raised his voice at you. Everyone’s eyes were now at the both of you. “Steve, please don’t. Not here, not right now.”

“You had enough time to tell me about this even before the divorce. You don’t think a pregnancy would have affected my decision to go forward with a divorce?” He asked

“I knew it would! But you didn’t want to stay with me!” You exclaimed. “People should stay married because they love each other, not because of a baby!” you added.

“You think I want you to stay for my baby–” “Our baby” “And have you hating me for the rest of my life?” you argued with him.

You and Steve continued to exchange more words until Nancy pulled you two apart from each other. “Hey, stop this now! There are teenagers watching you guys. Settle this some other time." She said.

The two of you were now staring at each other furiously. “This doesn’t change anything, Steve”

Steve scoffed, “You’re right, it changes everything!” He replied as he went out and slammed the door on you.

You stood there by the door, loss of words. The one person you trusted had revealed your secret, your ex-husband practically hates you now, you were embarassed that the others had to witness your fight with Steve.

And then, everything turned black.

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thedancingcostumeyoungadult · 8 months

Text

Softdom!Spencer x fem!Reader

You've been feeling down on yourself, and Spencer just can't let it go any longer

This is the blurb from this post, I still might write the Aaron version!

Warnings: not full smut but for sure 18+ only, dom/sub dynamics, soft dom! Spencer, reader struggles with low self esteem/feeling unworthy, fem!reader, use of pet names (baby, honey, sweet girl/sweet thing, etc.)

Spencer knew something was bothering you, the way you'd started to go quiet during conversations, especially ones about work. He noticed the small, sad sigh and the quiet pause that you took before picking up your keys in the morning, when you usually left with a smile. It weighed in his heart heavier by the day, the thought of you struggling in silence almost brought him to tears one afternoon. But in order for him to help you, he needed you to tell him, and you seemed not to intend to do that. Every night you curled against him and let him hold you, for that he was thankful, but it was always in silence.

Finally, at six days he cracked.

"My love, come here, please?" The soft shadows of late evening hover at the edges of the living room, lit only by a small lamp by the sofa. Spencer tried to keep his voice gentle, not wanting you to think you're in trouble, but there's still an air of command to the words.

You appear around the corner, a small smile rising on your lips when you see him sitting relaxed on the couch.

"What's up, baby?" At his beckoning hands you cross the room, letting him draw you into his lap and settle you in his arms.

"What's going on, honey? You've seemed sad these past few days." Your eyes immediately drop from his and you seem to deflate in his arms, shrinking in on yourself. Spencer's heart twists as he thinks you're going to withdraw from him, but you don't. Your fingers twist into the knit of his sweater and he can see you chewing on the inside of your cheek. He waits, eyes soft as he watches you. His hand rubs gentle circles on your side, warm and soothing.

"I guess..." you speak at last, your words only loud enough for him to hear, "I guess I just feel like there are people, better, more deserving people, who could do so much more with what I've been given than I can, and I just feel like it's all this potential being wasted on me." Your words make his heart crumble, tears welling in his eyes at the sight of yours doing the same.

"No, baby, please don't cry." He begs you softly, the words sticking in his throat as he ever so tenderly swipes a stray tear from your cheek with his knuckle, cupping the side of your face with the same hand to guide your eyes to his. "Nothing is being wasted, you're deserving of good things, do you need to learn that again, baby?" Dominance laces his voice, though his tone remains soft. You don't answer, though he doesn't miss the tiny shift of your hips against his or the flutter of your pulse racing.

Spencer decided silence wasn't going to cut it tonight.

"Color?" You suck in a small breath, your hands settling on his shoulders.

"Green." It was the permission Spencer had been waiting for, one hand immediately tracking into your hair, closing in a firm but not painful grip on the locks. Using that new control, he makes you look at him, meeting your gaze dead on.

"My poor sweet girl, I let you forget how special you are, and that's not okay." His words send goosebumps over your skin as he draws you close, brushing his nose against yours as he whispers against your lips.

"I'm gonna make you remember after tonight, sweet thing."

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #dom!spencer #spencer reid fic #jeanie writes #spencer reid x you

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ironstrange1991 · 13 days

Text

You're My Comfort

Pairing: Doctor!Strange x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: The reader has a bad day at work and Stephen comes to take care of her.

Word Cont: 2,1k

Warnings: None, just fluff.

A/N: I am still struggling with authors block, but I'm happy for finishing this little something. It's not much, but I was in need of a comfort fic. Hope your guys like it and have a good read.

You arrived from work without even realizing how you managed to drive home. Stephen was busy talking to some Avengers in the living room and you just walked past them up the stairs and straight to your shared room.

You were too tired to even get undressed even though you knew you would feel better after a shower, but still all you could do was kick off your shoes and fall face down on the bed letting a wave of silent crying take over you.

You were tired of your job, tired of the way your boss seemed to suck out your soul along with all your energy, but at the same time you felt bad for feeling that way. After all, you should be grateful to have a job in the first place, or at least you should be grateful that your job doesn't put you in danger or be as physically draining as Stephen's. You lost count of how many times he came home injured and yet he never complained. You on the other hand, seemed like a crying little girl and thinking that way only made you feel even worse and it was a vicious cycle that you couldn't get out of. Feeling bad about feeling bad and so on.

You were still face down, tears silently streaming down your face, when you heard the soft creak of the door opening and closing and the muffled sound of boots on the floor announcing the approaching footsteps. You immediately turned your face away because you didn't want Stephen to notice you were crying and then you felt the mattress dipping.

He touched your arm gently.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" His baritone voice held a note of concern.

You didn't answer, you just shrugged your shoulders like you did when you were a child and your mother asked why you were crying. Many times you didn't even know why you were crying, but you cried anyway and that was exactly how you felt today.

You felt his hand on your head stroking your hair gently and before he could say anything, you crawled closer to him and laid your head on his lap wrapping your arms around his waist. He seemed to like it because his body shook with what you thought was a small laugh. Contrary to what your irrational side told you, Stephen didn't care about your anxiety crisis or those moments where you couldn't say exactly what was happening. He was already used to dealing with your fluctuating moods.

"Can you at least tell me you're okay, so I don't worry?" He asked and you nodded.

"You're okay then. Nothing bad happened?" He insisted and you nodded again.

"Good." He continued stroking your hair in silence.

"I know I've been working a lot these last few days, but if that's what's making you upset..."

"It's not that." You replied with a choked voice. Of course he would find a way to blame himself. When Stephen learned to be less selfish and egocentric, he simply turned completely the other way and became extremely altruistic, which you didn't like, much less approve of.

"Then talk to me, sweetheart. I don't like seeing you like this." His hand had now gone down to the middle of your back, playing with the strands of your hair.

"I'm just tired, I guess."

He sighed "You think so? Y/n you've been working non-stop for the last few weeks."

"There was nothing else to do. You weren't here most of the time and the company needed me."

You can almost see Stephen's eyes rolling back in his head. "They like to take advantage of you, that's what. You're too good for them."

You did not answer. You knew he was right, but you didn't want to give in. He returned his hands to your head and began to caress your scalp with his fingertips lightly and you let out an involuntary groan.

"Feels good, uh?" You could hear the smirk in his voice. Always so proud that he managed to turn you into a puddle of goo whenever he touched you.

"I'm exhausted. I need to sleep. I barely slept at all last night." You confessed to what he vehemently rebuked.

"You know I don't like seeing you in this state. You need to take better care of yourself."

You shook your head. "Right now I don't think I can take care of myself at all. I'm too tired."

He chuckled, surrendering to your charm and drama.

"Do you want me to run a bath for you or would you prefer the shower?"

He asked, already running his fingers through your hair to get it out of your face. He did his best to tie them into a bun.

"You will stay with me?"

"If you want. But you know where this is going to take us, don't you?"

You denied "No funny business tonight. I'm too tired."

He hummed "As you wish, love. Come."

He patted your shoulder for you to allow him to stand up and extended his arms to help you up.

"Too tired to walk." You grumbled and he let out a small laugh.

"Come on. I'll carry you, little girl."

You found somewhere within you the strength to smile and tease him, "Yes, daddy."

He scoffed, but picked you up bride style and took you to the bathroom. He sat you on the toilet and ordered "Raise your arms. Let's take these clothes off."

You obeyed and let yourself be undressed by him slowly. It was different. Although he was used to ripping off your clothes and fucking you senseless, in that moment he was actually being gentle and there was nothing in his eyes but affection.

"Get up so we can take off that skirt." He asked and you did as he ordered. He took off your panties too, leaving you completely naked for him. A light shade of red tinting your cheeks.

"Bathtub or shower?" He asked to be sure and added it right after. "There's no way I'm leaving your side."

You nodded "Bathtub. With lavender and bubbles. Lots of bubbles."

He nodded, but instead of doing the whole process like a normal person, he moved his fingers and the bathtub filled with hot water. With a smirk he snapped his fingers and the water turned lilac and your nostrils were invaded by the delicious smell of lavender as you watched the water fill with foam. "As you wish, madam. Come."

He gave you his hand and helped you get into the tub, and you moaned contentedly with the feeling of the hot water surrounding your body.

He quickly undressed in front of you and that was a sight you would never get used to. Your eyes devoured every inch of his body before he entered the bathtub and sat right behind you.

He moaned softly as well letting the hot water relax him completely.

"Christ, I needed this." He confessed and you leaned your back against his chest feeling yourself being hugged by his strong arms and you leaned your head back letting your eyes close for a minute.

"What a shitty day I had" You blurted out, earning a small laugh from Stephen.

"It is not funny"

He buried his face in your hair, "I know. Want to tell me about it?"

You sighed, "Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I think I'm just tired of that environment, those people. Of doing the work of two or three and not getting any recognition for it. I'm tired of leaving that place feeling empty as if I had left my soul there."

Stephen listened in silence. He was good at that, at listening silently and letting you vent. It was one of his many qualities.

"And I feel bad for feeling this way. It feels like I'm being ungrateful. I know I should be grateful for being in a job in the first place, but I can't feel grateful right now and on top of that I feel silly complaining about my silly problems when you have to deal with so much..."

"Hey, don't do that!" Stephen scolded you. "Don't belittle your problems by comparing them to the things I do. It's not fair. Your feelings are valid, sweetheart and there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you're feeling right now. We just need to think of a way to make it better because I've noticed that this days when your come home like this have become more constant. You're always too tired and sad and I don't like seeing you like that."

You sighed feeling his lips on your neck and your skin prickling.

"I think I just need to stop thinking for a few minutes. My mind is my worst enemy, you know. The more I think the worse I feel."

Stephen hummed and continued placing kisses on your neck "I can help with that." His hands went down to your breasts, caressing them lightly.

"I said no funny business." You scolded him and he giggled softly and you felt him conjure up a soft sponge still under the water and started rubbing your back and neck with it. You can't stop a little moan from escaping your lips.

"I don't deserve you, Steph." You confessed to what he hummed, using the sponge to rub your arms, your belly, your thighs, every place he could reach.

"I usually think the same thing when you take care of me."

"Guess we don't deserve each other then." You teased.

"Or we were made for each other. I like this option better."

"Because you're a romantic. You want to be tough, but deep down you're soft, Stephen."

He let out an incredulous laugh "I've been called many things, but romantic is the first time."

You smiled, keeping your eyes closed and reveling in the touch of his hands when he puts down the sponge and started massaging your shoulders gently. His hand was shaking, but you even liked that feeling.

"You're different with me." You insisted. "I watch you with everyone else and you're different when you're with me, sweeter and more affectionate."

He hummed petulantly. "You didn't expect me to treat Stark and Wong the way I treat my girlfriend, right?"

"It's not that. I just think you allow yourself to be your most natural self when you're with me and I like that."

"I like it too." He agreed kissing the back of your neck.

The two of you were silent for a few minutes, his hands continued massaging your shoulders lightly and although he couldn't put too much pressure on the act, it was enough to relax you. The sound of cars passing on the street occasionally broke the silence of the Sanctum, as well as the sound of the water that was slowly cooling and his calm and steady breathing.

Eventually your eyes started to get heavy and Stephen must have felt the way you let the weight of your body rest on his because he wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed the top of your head.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked genuinely worried.

You hummed positively and he sighed looking relieved.

"Good. Now I think we can finish here and go straight to bed, what do you think?"

You didn't have time to respond because your stomach growled embarrassingly loud to which Stephen let out a small laugh.

"Food first, then. Come." He asked and the two of you got out of the tub.

When you finished getting dressed, Stephen in just pajama pants and you in a nightgown, you ran to get under the covers and get comfortable.

"I'll get you something to eat. How about a sandwich?"

You nodded and then asked "What did you have for dinner?"

He shook his head "To be honest, I didn’t even remember to eat. It was a pretty busy afternoon."

You scolded him with a look, "Then I guess you can bring sandwiches for both of us."

Stephen nodded.

He came back a few minutes later with a plate with some sandwiches cut in halves, which you quickly devoured. When you both finished, neither of you was willing to get up, so Stephen just placed the plate on the bedside table and adjusted himself on the pillows, letting you lay on his chest.

"I know I've said this before, but you're so good to me, Steph."

He sighed, stroking your arm gently.

"I love you." You said, closing your eyes and feeling the tiredness of the day overwhelm you.

Stephen placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Taking care of you is what I love doing most, sweetheart. I love you. You have no idea how much."

You hummed softly "Yes I do because I love you just the same."

Reblog please! Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing ;)

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musette22 · 1 year

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I know this has been said so many times in so many different ways, and I have nothing new to add, really. But I am going to say it anyway, because I am just so ridiculously grateful for fanfiction writers. There are innumerable fanfics out there - incredible, mind-blowing stories that are all shared with us for free. Written out of a pure, profound love for existing stories and characters, a need to know them better, explore them, add to them, do something with them the source material never dared. To make ourselves and others feel better, sometimes worse, but mostly just to make us feel.

And don't get me started on the quality of so much of the fanfiction out there. I know talent is an debatable term, but for want of a better one: the sheer talent and dedication of so many of these authors, most of whom have actual, real life jobs and families and other responsibilities, is just astounding. So many ideas, so many beautiful words, so much creativity. As a fanfiction writer myself, I know that it can sometimes be challenging to be creative, to find time and energy to write, when life is just. So much. And yet the love I have for these characters just leaves me desperately wanting to make time and energy to tell the stories I want to tell. Writing fanfiction is a hobby, yes, but for many people, it's also more than a hobby. It's a passion, a deeply rooted desire, even a community.

As a reader, too, I know how incredibly valuable and important these stories can be. I've spent the past few days doing nothing but devouring fic because I've been feeling too crummy to do anything else, and it's been an absolute blessing. Every fic I read was more amazing than the last. They all made me cry, laugh, think, yearn, and just feel so much better. So, I know this has been said many times before, but I just had to tell you again how much I love you, fanfiction writers. Love you with my whole entire, sappy, zero-chill heart.

Thank you for everything you do, all the hours, the blood, sweat and tears, the love you put into your stories, and thank you for sharing them. For just handing them over and releasing them into our custody once they're done, for all of us to read and enjoy, expecting nothing in return but some kudos and comments. That's incredible, ok? You're all incredible, whether your stories are 'popular' or not. So many people would be utterly bereft without you and your efforts, and I just needed to tell you again how appreciated you are ♥️

#I am a little emotional about this #as you perhaps can tell lmao #it's just #FANFICTION #it's the best!!!!!!!!!!#I'd be lost without it #I'm particularly talking about the stucky fandom #(unsurprisingly)#but it really applies to all fandoms #and all creative writing #all creative hobbies #but I'm specifically talking about fanfiction here #it's just wild and amazing #<3333

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tenjito · 9 months

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the tide is high, but i'm holding on. || miyawaki sakura

pairing: miyawaki sakura x female reader contents: exes to lovers, forced proximity technically, chaewon's so done, y/nkura are eunchae's divorced parents, swearing, jealousy, kissing description: you and sakura broke up right before iz*one officially disbanded. coincidentally, the both of you ended up debuting in the same group again.

it's moments like these where you start to question your entire existence as a whole, because who the fuck decided to put you and your ex-girlfriend in the same group?

okay, sure, no one actually knew that the two of you dated (aside from the other members of iz*one), so it makes sense that hybe didn't know the possible consequences of it all.

you and sakura broke up a week before your iz*one contracts ended. the two of you were having another argument—which had been happening quite frequently for the past few weeks—in the car while you drove to meet the rest of the members for dinner.

"sakura, i don't get why you're so pissed off at me! it's not my fault we barely get to spend time together!" you yelled, eyes on the road as you gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"well then, whose fault is it, y/n? it certainly isn't mine since i'm not the one who has on cancel on you everytime we make any plans together!" your girlfriend shouted from the passengers seat, running her fingers through her hair in fraustration.

"ugh sakura, let it go! i told you already, i've been busy." you stated, feeling like a broken record repeating yourself for the hundredth time. "besides, every time we are together, we just end up fighting like always!" you admitted, and maybe it was a harsh thing to say, but it was true.

but nothing could've prepared you for sakura's next words.

"maybe we should just break up then." her voice was low, almost like a whisper compared to the shouting and yelling from a few seconds ago, and her lip quivered ever so slightly as you stopped at a red light.

your heart sank. you couldn't have possibly heard her correctly... right? that question was soon answered as you turned to face the woman beside you, and the tears in her eyes only meant one thing.

you couldn't say anything. you didn't know what to say. you only stare in disbelief at sakura, who faced the window, avoiding any eye contact with you. before you could utter a response, a beep was heard from the car behind you and the light was green.

your hands were no longer firmly gripping the steering wheel. instead, they were shaking as you drove and you bit down on your lip to try focus your thoughts on the road rather than on sakura's previous words.

"pullover. i'm getting off." she suddenly spoke up.

"what? you can't just—"

"i can do whatever i want, y/n. you're not my girlfriend anymore." sakura's voice noticeably cracked while she said the last sentence, and a sharp, sickly sensation cut through your heart when you heard it.

you pulled over. she got out. no words. no goodbye. no see you later. no nothing. just the sound of the car door slamming and the empty silence that followed.

sad driving was dangerous, but just-broke-up-with-your-girlfriend sad was a lot worse. luckily enough, despite the crying throughout the whole drive, you made it to the restaurant without any accidents.

"where's sakura?" chaeyeon asked after you greeted the group, and your attempts of hiding your swollen eyes and dried up tears from your members earlier were useless, because you ended up crying to them about the whole situation.

in conclusion, that night was full of drinking, crying, comforting and more crying, but no matter how much alcohol you consumed, nothing would change the fact that sakura was gone.

seemingly enough, you learned to forget and move on from the heartbreak (or at least that's what you convinced yourself), and never spoke to sakura ever since that day.

that was until: le sserafim.

this new group was a blessing and a curse for the both of you, but mostly a curse.

it was undoubtedly awkward at the start, and there was evident tension between the two of you.

the rest of the members, apart from chaewon, were completely confused about this. all three of you were in the same group, so why was it that you and sakura seemed to hate each other? eunchae, who was probably the biggest iz*one fan there, was especially confused.

she remembered the two of you being inseparable during iz*one days. 'y/nkura' was probably the biggest ship among fans (she shipped it too), so what the hell happened?

kim chaewon knew the answer to that question since she was the only one who knew about your past relationship, and she also knew that two exes being in the same group as each other was indeed, a very bad idea. especially if it was you and sakura.

but being your leader and longtime friend, chaewon practically forced the both of you to at least try to get along.

turns out, it wasn't that bad.

"y/n, could you pass me a knife?" sakura asks, taking out a few vegetables from the fridge and laying them on the table. you perk up from your seat and switch off your phone.

"not even a 'please'?" you tease, walking over to the cutlery drawer and retrieving a knife. sakura rolls her eyes as you handed her the knife.

"please and thank you," she says before placing a carrot onto the chopping board.

you took this as an opportunity to steal a piece of meat that she'd been cooking from the sizzling pan. sakura was basically the chef of the house, always cooking for the other members. you'll never admit it, but her cooking was your absolute favourite.

"y/n!" sakura shouts, grabbing your arm before you could reach the food. she gives you a stern look and you let out a groan.

"but i'm hungryyy," you drag, dramatically pouting at the older. she lets go off your arm and smiles.

your heart flutters and your face heats up. i forgot how pretty her smile was...

"just wait, i'm almost done." sakura says, but you don't move. you just watch.

you watch the way strands of her hair fall past her face, and the way she gently tucks them back behind her ear afterwards. you watch her glued eyes that are so focused on what she's doing, and you find it adorable.

wait. no you don't. you can't. she's your ex, you idiot—

"i can feel you staring at me." sakura speaks, snapping you out of your trance.

your ears burn in embarrassment. "uh," quick, make up an excuse! "it's 'cause you're cutting it wrong, dummy. i'll show you how it's done."

you let out a breath before taking the knife from sakura and moving closer. the older just waits in anticipation, arms folded with a rather judging look.

despite the incredibly cocky expression on your face, you've never actually used a kitchen knife before, let alone cooked anything in your life. maybe this isn't the best idea, you think, and you hesitantly turn to face sakura.

"go on,"

the chastising tone in her voice irks you. just cut the damn carrot, y/n. and so you did. the knife is sharp and it goes through the carrot a lot smoother than you had initially expected.

"you're cutting it the same way. what's the difference?" sakura says wearily, and she's so close to your ear that you almost jump.

"sh-shut up, just wait!" you complain, more nervous about the fact that your ex was inches away from your face and sakura holds her hands up in defence.

"okay, okay..!"

you're a lot less confident now. you feel sakura's breaths on your nape as she's peering over your shoulder, and you don't what or how it happens, but the knife slips in your hands and you feel a sharp sting on your finger.

"shit—" you hiss, abruptly dropping the knife on the chopping board.

out of pure impulse, sakura instinctively takes a tissue from the kitchen table and grabs your hand, carefully wiping the blood off your finger. she opens the supply drawer next to you and takes out a small bandaid before wrapping it around the cut. you wince at the action, but sakura tells you to stay still and you do.

once the bandaid is on and sakura lets go off your hand, the both of you realize what the the actual fuck just happened. sakura's eyes leave yours first and she clears her throat.

"are you, uhm...are you okay?" she asks awkwardly, and you quietly nod.

neither of you even dare to face the other. it stays silent, the tension in the room threatening to crush you with its unbearable weight. the silence is thankfully broken by the sound of the door opening.

"unnie! is the food ready yet?" eunchae asks, walking into the room. sakura informs her just two more minutes and she's done. you go back to your seat, and you and sakura don't talk to each other for the rest of the day.

it's been a week since the incident, and you and your ex have been ignoring each other as much as possible. the only times you would interact was when you were forced to during practices or livestreams. of course, the first person to notice the avoidance is your leader, and she was very annoyed to say the least.

"i thought you two promised you were going to get along? you were fine last week, what happened?" chaewon is sat across from you and sakura, looking like she was about to murder the both of you.

you huff, rolling your eyes. chaewon sighs and turns her head to face sakura, knowing that you weren't willing to answer the question she had just asked.

"chae, it's hard, okay? we didn't really...end on the best terms, so it's too weird to just start speaking normally to each other as if nothing happened." the japanese woman says, grimacing at the memory of the break up.

does she regret it? yeah. every waking moment she regrets it. does she still have feelings for you? maybe. she isn't entirely sure anymore. can she undo what happened between you and her? unfortunately, no. she wants to, but she can't, and it's all her fault.

"i know, i understand that but," chaewon pinches the bridge of her nose and squints hard before continuing. "we're a team now. both of you have to stop hating each other so much, even if you're exes. you need to do it for the rest of the group, and for the fans."

you hate to admit it but your leader was right. the other girls and the fans don't know about you and sakura's past, so you have to suck it up and pretend like nothing happened, like you aren't still heartbroken.

you have to pretend like you were never in love with miyawaki sakura.

the words "i love you" were never actually exchanged by you or sakura during your relationship. it was felt, but never said. and honestly, you were quite grateful for that fact. otherwise, the break up would've hurt more than it already did. you knew that well.

"okay," you say hesitantly, looking at your leader and then to the eldest. "we'll...try."

and for the next few weeks, try you did.

it was going well so far. you and sakura eventually moved passed the awkward exes stage and into the friendly exes stage, a major improvement from the month before. the only thing you had to do now was keep it up.

your group was currently promoting your latest comeback 'antifragile'. after performing the song for music bank, your group was getting ready to leave. yunjin had to go to the restroom, so the rest of you just waited in the hall until she came back.

"y/n?" a voice calls, and you immediately turn to see who it is.

"miyeon, hey!" you say enthusiastically. the (g)i-dle member pulled you into a tight embrace and you smiled as you pulled away. "it's been so long!"

"i know! i've missed you so much,"

miyeon had been a close friend of yours ever since she was a trainee and you were in produce 48. the two of you have always stayed in contact but rarely got to meet up outside of work, so the both of you took this as an opportunity to catch up.

you were too occupied with miyeon to notice yunjin come back from the restroom, and you most definitely didn't notice the glares sakura was sending your friend as you spoke to her.

"y/n, we have to go." chaewon then speaks up, tapping you on the shoulder. you nod and say goodbye to miyeon, noticing her group calling for her too. your group made their way out, and the girls started chatting.

"i'm so tired. i just wanna go to bed," eunchae says, and kazuha nods in agreement.

yunjin gasps, "you're tired? i'm so hungry i can't even think about sleep." she admits, and they laugh.

"i agree," you say, then turn to the eldest who had been oddly quiet the whole time. "i say chef sakura should cook us her special ramen." you chaffed, but the older didn't seem too pleased.

"why should i make it? you can cook it yourself if you're so hungry." the tone in sakura's voice was aggressive, and everyone could tell something was upsetting her.

well, everyone except you, because it doesn't surprise you whenever your ex acts like this towards you.

"because it's always better when you make it."

sakura can't hide the light blush that settles on her cheeks and trickles down her neck at your words. god why was she feeling like this? she ignores the way her heartbeat was now ten times faster than before and rolls her eyes.

"it'll taste the same if you make it." she says, entering the car before you could give a response.

"what's up with her?" you mutter under your breath as you follow the others into the vehicle.

you couldn't help but notice that the car ride home was weirder than it should've been. eunchae and kazuha had fallen fast asleep at the back of the car, so obviously it was a lot quieter than usual. but there was something else.

someone else.

everyone had gone to bed by now, but as always, you were still awake. you had left you and kazuha's shared room to make some tea since sleeping wasn't something you were planning on doing anytime soon.

you lean against the kitchen counter, mindlessly staring at the kettle boiling the water, waiting patiently for its whistle to calm.

"you're still up? it's late." a voice interrupts your empty thoughts, and you look up to see who had just spoken, a little startled since you had assumed no one else was awake at this time.

"sakura." you watch as the japanese woman walks over to stand next to you, rubbing her eyes slightly, noticeably tired from the exhausting day. "why aren't you sleeping?"

there's a brief silence before she speaks up, and when she does, her voice is barely above a whisper.

"i'm sorry."

you stare at sakura, confused. "what?"

she sighs, "i-..i'm sorry about today. i shouldn't have been such an asshole to you, i was just—" she pauses, and you can tell straight away that there's something on her mind.

"what's wrong, kkura-chan?"

sakura's breath hitches, and her heart is telling her several things she can't ignore.

kkura-chan.

she hasn't heard you call her that in forever. it was her favourite nickname you'd call her when the two of you were dating, and fuck did she miss the sound of it. she had always felt comforted and safe whenever you used to use it, so maybe that's why she was able to tell you the truth. the full truth.

"i was jealous," she starts, head down as she anxiously tensed her shoulders. "i was jealous of miyeon when the two of you were talking earlier and i felt...angry. not at you, or miyeon, but at myself. and i know, i know, i have no right to feel jealous of it because you're not mine anymore and you've moved on, so i should too but i can't because it fucking hurts—"

"kkura."

"—and i'm saying this now because i don't know how much longer i can go without telling you that i still have feelings for you, and i regret ever breaking up with you every day of my—"

"sakura!" your shout stops her from continuing her rant, and she only looks up at you with an apologetic expression. she doesn't dare say anything more, and just waits for you to yell at her, or tell her that she's a shit person, or ask her to leave.

but no. instead, she's met with something nothing could've prepared her for.

your lips were on hers.

you kissed her, and she immediately kissed back. you were the first to pull away, though the kiss was only short, and sakura could only wonder one thing. why? and as if you could read her mind, you told her exactly why.

"i love you, kkura. and honestly?..i don't think i ever stopped. i was never able to move on from you, even if i knew i had to...i just couldn't. no matter what i did to try and forget, i couldn't help but miss every part of you. i missed your voice, i missed your smile, i missed the way you laughed and the way you made me laugh. i just missed you. and when you left, i knew i wouldn't be the same, because i'm nothing without you, sakura."

she's staring at you in absolute shock, and you're staring back with a hinge of fear, but there's something so soothing about the soft smile that ever so slowly forms on her face.

"i love you too, y/n. i always have."

and then, this time, it's sakura who closes the distance.

neither of you waste any time, really. sakura's hands make their way to your hair and yours are on her hips.

sakura seems more sure of herself in the harsh light of the kitchen than she's ever been, her hands firm, and seeming to know exactly what she wants.

she presses forward, pushing you back into the counter as your lips move together, hands smoothing over the fabric of your shirt, down down, and then under, and then up, and when you feel sakura's long fingers stroking the skin right under your ribs, you hum against her mouth.

there is a lot happening all at once, hands and mouths and bodies, and sakura bites gently against your lower lip like she knows what she’s doing, and that's because she does. she always does.

you breathe in all of her, and her scent is one you've grown to miss. sakura sighs against you, fingers scratching at the base of your neck while your hand slides up to slip into her shirt from below, tracing over her warm skin.

sakura makes a sound, a small, ragged sound, and you can hear it so clearly in the silence of the empty room. her teeth bite down a little more harshly when you grab firmly and you make a small, ragged sound of your own.

you slide your leg between sakura's, pull her even closer, drink in her surprised noise with a grin before carefully, carefully, coaxing sakura's mouth open.

she tastes like the strawberry lip balm she used to always use so long ago, and you can't help but smile against her lips, because it’s sakura, your sakura, whom you realise hasn't changed at all.

and then she whines, just when you thought that small, ragged sound was the best sound you'd ever hear, and it’s almost involuntary, the way you drag sakura's hips closer. her hands press more firmly against your ribs, slip forward to press against the indents of your abs, slip down, fingers dipping under the waistband of your jeans.

the door opens and there's a very obvious echo of someone clearing their throat as you and sakura rush to pull apart.

"this is not what i meant when i said 'try to get along',"

sakura shyly buries her head into the crook of your neck to hide her flushed face as she holds in a laugh.

"are you mad?" you ask chaewon.

your leader shakes her head. "no. quite relieved, actually." but her face doesn't change from the scolding look she wore initially. "but that doesn't mean i'm letting you two continue your make out session. i need sleep, and i'd rather not hear any more sounds coming from either of you. goodnight."

chaewon leaves, and you and sakura burst out into laughter.

"i missed you, kkura-chan."

she smiles.

"i missed you too, y/nnie."

#miyawaki sakura #miyawaki sakura x reader #le sserafim #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim imagines #kpop x reader #sakura #sakura x reader #kpop #kpop gg #le sserafim scenarios #let chaewon sleep #tenjito

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viaoverthemoon · 9 months

Note

Sugar daddy Leon...(death island Leon) 👀👀 like he definitely has the potential. Like one day reader has a bad day and he notices it.... Then takes her out for shopping and dining to help her feel better than late at night....... He has a personal way to make her feel really good while praising her all the time... Yk👀👀👀👀

I hear you, my love!

Sorry for the long wait, been busy, 0 Wi-Fi, yada yada.

Omg, y'all, pls forgive any old-timey speech ;-; I've been reading a lot of medieval stuff lately.

Death Island!Leon Kennedy x Fem!Reader

Summary: You had a bad day and Leon makes it up to you <3

Tw: SMUT, p in v sex, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), teasing with cum, intoxication, mention of alcohol, Leon got bank, hallucinations??, PLOT TWIST

This wasn't thoroughly proofread, sorry! Lemme know if I missed anything!!

18+!! NSFW!! MDNI!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!

Enjoy! <3

'Vivid~'

❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁

The minute Leon walked through his door and heard the sound he recognized as your comfort show's theme song, he knew something was up.

He'd long ago given you the passcode to his private house, so it was never a surprise when you suddenly show up at his place.

He inhales a sharp breath, preparing for the worst, before approaching the couch.

He sits on the opposite side, away from your curled up figure.

He lets you be silent for a while, observing the extra water in your eyes and the frown on your lips. Eventually, he reaches a hand out and runs it along the blanket that covers your leg.

Not in a sexual matter, but in a way that comforts you.

Your body relaxes and the blanket that covered your face falls slightly as you peek at Leon.

He smiles sweetly at you, but you can't bring yourself to hold his gaze. So you look away, prepared to ignore him again but it looks like Leon has had enough of your silence.

He's suddenly in front of you, crouched on the floor and blocking your view of the tv. "I don't like being ignored, angel."

For some reason his voice nearly makes you break down in tears.

Your lips begin to tremble, and Leon realizes your about to have a breakdown a little too late.

Before he can even get any words out, the tears are flowing and quiet sobs and whimpers are leaving your lips.

Leon sighs and before you know it, your blanket wrapped body is placed on his lap.

Once your sniffles stop and all of your tears have been wiped away, Leon gently caresses your cheek. His blue eyes scan your face, so full of concern and sadness that you might just cry again.

"What makes you cry, sweet angel?"

You wipe your eyes one more time, avoiding eye contact with him. "Nothing... I've just had a bad day, Lee..."

He nudges your chin toward him with a finger, claiming your attention again. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

You gently place your hands on his chest. "Oh, Leon you don't have to-" He grabs your hands and places a kiss on your knuckles.

"You're right. I don't have to, but I want to." You feel your cheeks turn red at his words, albeit you should be used to them by now.

Leon always knew the words that would travel right into your heart.

He intertwines your hands. "Hey, how about we go to that store you like? Get a few things, then we can grab dinner at that one place?"

He's well aware that you won't be getting 'a few things', and that he'll buy you anything you set your eyes on for more than 2 seconds, but you both know that fact already, so you both say nothing about it.

Your eyes light up. "Oh! You mean the place that makes those delicious --?"

Leon is pleased to see that your mood has instantly brightened, quickly nodding his head.

Your arms find their way around his neck, hugging him as tight as possible. "Thank you, Leon! I really needed this..."

And he is more than happy to give you anything you need.

❁

it's just past 1am when you stumble through the front door of Leon's house, singing an offkey version of the song that played on the radio.

Leon follows behind you, trying not to trip over his own two feet. He curses the damn alcohol in his system for his poor equilibrium.

You both had a splendid evening, shopping at multiple stores before going to your favorite restaurant. And maybe stopping by a small bar and having a couple of drinks.

Luckily, you hadn't consumed enough alcohol to get you drunk, only a little bit more than tipsy.

Your heels make walking a little harder, but you can't be bothered to take them off.

The alcohol in your blood relaxes your bones, making you feel like slush. Your body sways to an invisible tune, your lips humming along to it as you begin to remove your dress.

Leon, who is obviously a better drinker than you, sobers almost instantly at the sight.

He hurriedly closes the front door to keep any nosy neighbors from seeing you. "(Y/N)! The neighbors could have seen you!"

You hear his words but can't understand them, the volume of the invisible song too hard to ignore. You keep humming along, moving toward the bedroom as you continue to remove the dress.

You're so lost in the music that you don't realize Leon following you until you turn around, your song suddenly stopping short.

You gasp, looking up to see his face.

And in that moment, you're immediately sober.

Now, you're lost in a different type of music.

You stare into his eyes, a deep tide of roaring symphonies. A song so heart-breakingly beautiful that somehow, he's the only living thing in your world.

Wow. Okay. Maybe you are drunk.

Leon's soft touch to your cheek pulls you from your sappy thoughts. "You still with me, angel?"

Not entirely.

"Yes..." The answer comes out as a breathless whisper, words trembling as a shiver runs down your spine.

A sharp inhale sounds from your lips when Leon moves his hands to your bare waist. It's only then that you realize you're naked.

And so is he.

Your hands explore his chest as his map out your hips and stomach.

The atmosphere turns hot, heavy with tension so thick you can hardly breathe.

Your touches turn rough, desperate as you both claw at each other's skin. You throw your head back, allowing Leon more room as he litters your neck in love bites and kisses, hands skimming over your lower back.

A soft moan emits into the air, your back arching into him. He wastes no time in picking you up, your legs wrapping around his waist on instinct.

Your lips land on his, hands resting on his jaw as you kiss him with eternal love. His tongue bypasses your lips, exploring every inch of you it can reach. You both battle for dominance and, in the short time it took him to walk the both of you to the bed, it would seem he won.

You flop on his blankets, cheeks warm and chest heaving.

You look up at him as he stands at the foot of the bed in-between your knees, rubbing the top of your thighs and peering down at you in wonder. "So beautiful..."

Your cheeks feel hotter, and before you can say anything in return, he grabs your ankles and throws them over his shoulder all while kneeling on the floor.

You yelp in surprise and notice that you're still wearing the white pearl covered Jimmy Choos that you wore to dinner.

Leon stares down at your weeping cunt, using two fingers to gently run them down your slit.

Your legs twitch, a short exhale heaving past your lips. You bite your lip, wishing he would stop playing with you and just fuck you already.

But it looks like you don't have to wait long.

"Are you still a little sad about earlier, sweetheart?"

To be honest, you couldn't remember what you were sad about. But just to entertain the idea, you pout your lip and give Leon a sad nod.

He sighs, nuzzling his face along your inner thigh. "Poor princess... let me make it up to you."

And, finally, he shoves his face right into your lower lips.

Your body jolts, back arching in a perfect c.

A strangled moan escapes you, hands reaching out to grip the blankets. He expertly sucks on your ball of nerves, tongue lapping every drop of liquid your pussy produces like a dehydrated man.

He feasts upon you like he hasn't eaten in ages, hands wrapped around your thighs and holding you in place.

Your body naturally writhes and wiggles in his grip, and yet, he doesn't let go.

The sensitivity is much too high, your body barely keeping up with the pleasure you're receiving. Instead of shivers of intensity, you get shockwaves. Your legs shake, lips trembling and uttering broken praise and pleas. "Fuck-! Ah- Yes, Leon..."

Your voice can hardly be anything more than a whisper, but he still hears you. He groans, pressing further into you.

The sounds of his mouth on your soaked pussy are borderline pornographic. Slurping, wet squelching, and groans of pleasure filling every corner of the room.

You can't even muster up any comprehendible sentences, only babbling incoherent words as your hands flutter around, trying to find something to do that wouldn't hurt Leon or tear his blankets.

Your hands clench into fists, you hold them in front of your mouth to keep from making any noises as your release quickly approaches. But, it appears Leon has other plans.

He reaches one hand up and shoves yours away from your mouth, all while lifting his other hand and inserting two of his digits into your cunt.

You can't control yourself this time, one of your hands flying down to his hair and tugging hard, your eyes as wide as saucers and your mouth even wider.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head, desperate moans and whimpers coming from you at loud volumes.

You hardly hear him over your own voice, but you catch bits and pieces of Leon's praise. "There you go, angel. That's right, cum on my tongue and forget every other thing that has ever hurt you. Be my good girl and-"

He doesn't need to say anything more.

With a loud and choked sob mixed with a scream, you curl in on his head and cum straight into his mouth.

Your grip isn't loosening, and it takes a full two minutes to come down from the high. You aren't even sure if Leon can breathe, but his thumbs stroke your thighs as a way to comfort you.

Your body slowly stops trembling and starts to relax. You release his hair and fall back on the bed, spent and breathing heavy, but nearly satisfied.

Leon stands, and you watch lustfully as his dick rises with him, slapping against his stomach.

And just like that, the fire in your belly that almost dwindled is lit once again.

"What is it, sweetheart? Like what you see?"

He smirks down at you, the lower half of his face dripping with your slick, leaning toward you and grabbing one of your hands.

Your heart nearly explodes and your breathing accelerates when he moves your hand to slide against his girth.

You don't take your eyes off of his, and vice-versa.

He hisses when the tip of your finger runs over the slit of his cock, gathering precum. You whimper softly at his reaction.

You pull away from him, scooting back on the bed and laying down. You eye him down with mischief and reach a hand down, spreading your cunt open for him and inserting the finger cover in his precum into yourself.

His eyes glaze over, blue oceans darkened with an insatiable lust.

You whine and call out his name.

Leon's eyes snap to your face, chest heaving with every breath.

Placing both hands on the bed, he crawls toward you. The way he approaches you sends shivers down your spine, slow and analytical, much like a predator stalking it's prey.

You spread your legs wider, and he settles right in-between them. He gets so close that your chests touch.

He hands scale along your sides, thumbs gently running over your nipples. "Jesus... You're gonna be the death of me. I swear it."

The tip of his cock nudges your clit and you gasp, nails scratching the nape of his neck as he guides himself into you. "Don't worry, sweet girl. I'll make you feel so good. Whenever you feel sad, you'll think about this moment. You'll think about me."

Still sensitive from your first orgasm, you sigh when he bottoms out.

He groans in relief, reaching up and intertwining your hands, placing them next to your head. Your foreheads touch, hot breaths mingling.

He takes his time, setting a slow pace that has your mouth open and soft moans emitting from it. You clench around him, wanting more.

He seems to get the messages, moaning as his hips stutter for a moment, before slightly picking up the pace.

In a way it's still excruciatingly slow, but it's deeper than before.

Your body feels like it's on fire, writhing and shaking as Leon's hips meet yours. You relish in the delicious feeling of his cock kissing your cervix with every thrust.

"Fuck-. I can't get enough of you..."

"God you feel so fucking good."

"Jesus baby, keep squeezing me like that and I'm not gonna last long..."

The room get hotter, causing a thin layer of sweat to coat yours and his skin. He leans down and places his lips on your, swallowing your noises. It isn't long before the knot in your stomach threatens to snap.

Leon feels it too, unclasping your hands to reach down and grab hold of your hips, his pace suddenly speeding up to something somewhat brutal.

You cry out into the kiss, your hands reaching up and scratching down his back.

He only groans, pulling away from the kiss and shaking his head to rid of the hazy feeling, before desperately pounding into you like a maniac.

Your orgasm rips through you without warning.

Your back arches and your nails painfully scratch down Leon's abdomen, which seems to be the final push he needs, because he follows you right off the edge.

He pushes deep inside of you, cumming so deep his seed probably directly entered your womb.

You see stars, feeling so blissful that, all of a sudden, this feels too good to be true...

The stars in your vision get brighter and brighter, Leon's face fading away, until...

❁

Your eyes open, instantly recognizing the theme song of your comfort show.

Sitting up, you look around at your surroundings before flopping right back down. Your mood instantly sours.

Of course, it was a fucking dream.

Leon has been gone on a job for 3 days, leaving you depressed and lonely.

You cuddle back into the blankets on his couch, eyes filling with tears. You missed him so much and to not even be able to tell if he's doing okay...

Suddenly, you hear beeping from the front door, and then the door opening.

It takes everything in you to not jump from the couch.

You feel him sit on the opposite end of the couch, waiting a few moments before placing a hand on your leg and caressing it over the blanket.

You don't acknowledge him. Instead, a mischievous smile appears on your face.

You suddenly know what you're gonna do today.

❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁❁´◡`❁

Wow, I did not plan that ending.

Anyways! Sorry, my love :( I really didn't mean for this to take so long. So much stuff is going on in my life right now and BLAHHHH y'know?

But let me know what you think!!

Hope you enjoyed! ;)

Requests are open! <3

-V💕

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #resident evil #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy smut #re4 leon #re4 #smut #leon s kennedy #reader insert #x y/n #x reader #resident evil x reader #leon smut #sugardaddy!leon #death island leon #viaoverthemoon

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sunny44 · 1 year

Text

Are you pregnant?

Pairing: Mason Mount x wife!reader

Warnings: sickness, pregnancy test, pregnancy talk.

Summary: When Mason and y/n find out they're pregnant with their baby.

I had been extremely tired these past few days.

I was tired of the job that I used to love because after my boss left and an idiot took his place and he’s a jerk.

The projects he was making us do are getting bigger and the time shorter and I was exhausted and today he just let me go home earlier because I almost threw up on him that was so discussed that send me home.

Mason was in training and I didn't want to disturb him so I went back alone and decided to stop by the pharmacy and see if I could get some sickness medicine because I hate this feeling.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"I've been nauseous for a few days and have been vomiting all morning and I'd like some sickness medicine please." She smiles and I was confused. "Is something wrong?"

"Sorry for this but have you had sex in the last few weeks?"

"Oh, uhm yes I have."

"Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be pregnant?" I widened my eyes and at the same time I felt the nausea once again. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to butt in but your symptoms are the same as a pregnant woman."

I haven’t thought about the possibility of being pregnant but now that she mention it all made sense.

The symptoms, the vomiting and my Kate period that I just realized that was late now.

"Where are the pregnancy tests please?" She gives a half smile and takes one and hands it to me.

"This one is the best one of all. There's a bathroom over there if you want to use it." I agreed and walked to the bathroom.

I took the test but I didn't want to find out the answer in a pharmacy bathroom so I put it in the box and after paying I went back to our house.

As I set foot inside the house I could hear laughter and one of them was Mason's, I felt paws on my legs and looked down to see Milo our Golden Retriever puppy jumping on me.

"Baby? What are you doing home?" He asks and comes over to me and his smile disappears as soon as he sees my face. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I am, don't worry."

"Were you crying?"

"It's nothing, I just have stomachache and you know I don't handle pain very well.” He agrees and kisses my forehead. "I'm going upstairs to take a hot bath and try to get some sleep."

"I'm going to ask Ben and Reece to leave and..."

"No need love, I'm going to sleep anyway so you don't have to send them away."

"Fine, but if there's anything let me know, okay?" I agreed and kissed him as I walked up the stairs and being followed by Milo.

The whole time I was in the hot tub, Milo was lying on the floor there with me and when I went to bed he climbed on the bed and laid his head on my belly.

“Do you think there’s a baby in there?” I asked him that close his eyes when I put my hand on his head. “I think you would like to have a brother or a sister.”

He bark in a low tone and went to sleep.

…

When I woke up it was already 7 o'clock at night so I put on my slippers and went downstairs, the boys were still here as I heard more than one male voice.

"Good night boys."

"Good night Mrs. Mount." Ben jokes and laughs going to hug him.

"Feeling better?" Mase asks and I say just a little. "I made soup."

"Correction, I made soup." Reece says and I laugh.

"Hey, you said you would let me take credit." Mase replies grumpily and they laugh.

"I changed my mind."

"Well thanks for soup Reece." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and started eating and soon I heard my cell phone ring. "Ben can you get it for me please? It's in my purse."

"Yeah, I'll get it." He comes out of the kitchen and takes too long but soon comes back with my phone and a strange face. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just took a while to find it." He answers awkwardly.

Time went by, Reece had to leave and it was just the three of us until Mason went upstairs to take a shower and as soon as he got out Ben came to my side.

"I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me."

"You're scaring me Ben, is everything ok?"

"Are you pregnant?" He asks, and I widen my eyes. "You are, aren’t you?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Because I saw the test when I went to get your cell phone."

"Did you see the results?"

"No, I didn't. Did you look at the result?" I silently denied. "Do you want me to look along with you?"

"No, you look I’m scared" He agrees takes the test and looks but I can't decipher his expression. "Ben?"

"It says positive here." He looks at me and at the same time I start to cry.

I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't know if I was happy or sad or even how Mason would feel because we always joked about having a family but never had a serious conversation about it.

"It's going to be okay, you’re gonna be the best mommy ever" He hugs me from the side and I just cry into his shoulder.

"What happened?" Mason runs up to me and hugs me. "Ben what happened?"

"I'm going home and let you guys talk." He kisses my forehead and just smile at Mason.

"What happened? You're crying, is your stomachache again"

"No, I came home earlier because I spent all morning throwing up and I thought it was because of stress with the big projects I need to finish in an impossible amount of time. So I went to the pharmacy to buy some sickness medicine and I came ou that I’m not sick."

"What's wrong with you then?"

"I'm pregnant Mase."

I felt him go rigid on my side, I really hoped he would stay calm about the situation because if not I would freak out too.

"Pregnant? Are you sure?"

"The test is over there." I pointed to where Ben had left the test.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know what to feel."

"Aren't you happy?"

"You know I've always wanted to be a mother but I always thought we'd plan it slow and I'd have time to get used to the fact that I'd be growing a child inside me but it's happening too fast and I'm just not knowing how to handle it." He kneels in front of me and holds my hand.

"Let's make it work okay? We're a team."

"Are you happy?"

"Of course I'm happy my love, there's no one in the world besides you that I wanted to have a family." He cupped my face and cleaned the tears from my eyes with his thumbs. "I love you and our baby so much."

"I love you too."

…

The next day I called my doctor who made an appointment to confirm the pregnancy but according to her from the symptoms I described it was almost a 100% chance that I was.

Today was the day of the appointment and Mason and I were waiting our turn, there were some other women there and one of them had a big belly and a little blonde girl with her. I noticed that the child kept looking at him but Mason was too distracted to notice.

I called out to her with my hand and she smiled and came running over and hugged his legs, who was startled but smiled as soon as he saw the little girl.

"May I?" He asks her mother who agrees and Mase puts her sitting on his leg.

The two of them stood talking until the doctor called and Mason took Mary back to her mother.

"Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Mount, you can lie down over there." He pointed to the Stretcher. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been pretty nauseous but it's gotten better since yesterday."

"Morning sickness is normal in these first months. Do you feel a lot of tiredness, pain in your body, or even sensitive breasts?"

"Yes, I'm very tired even though I don't do much.”

"Have you been feeling anything worrying?

"No, I think that's everything.”

"All right, I'll lift your shirt and pass this gel so we can do an ultrasound." I lifted up my shirt and she put the cold, clear gel on.

The blurry image appeared and after she showed us where the baby was she asked if we wanted to hear the heart and as soon as we said yes the loud sound filled the room and it was at that very moment that we realized how real it was.

Bonus scene!

Y/nmount instagram post

Liked by masonmount, reecejames, benchilwell, sophiaaemelia and others 928382

Y/nmount life lately have been pretty busy but I’ve never been happier 💕 thank you for being here for us, we love you so much @masonmount

@masonmount I love you both very much baby, I’m the lucky one

@sophiaaemelia congratulations mama, you’re so sexy pregnant

@y/nmount you’re the sexy one babes

@masonmount are they really flirting in front of us?

@kaihavertz yes they are and you’re wife is pregnant, I think they’re going to run away and raise your baby together

@sophiaaemelia great ideia babe, let’s do it? @y/nmount

@y/nmount yessss, let’s move to Hawaii

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lenathekiller · 7 months

Text

Unrequited

Buggy x Reader Angst

A/N: I just wanted to write something moody, it's not the best honestly but I might continue it sometime. I took inspiration from the song "DYWTYLM" by Sleep Token and a bit of dialogue makes it very clear.

You'd been left behind in some shitty run down town. The ship you had sailed on for the past decade had drifted out to sea along with the crew that's been like family to you. Your life had basically disappeared right infront of you.

You knew none of them meant to leave you behind, but you also knew it'd be far too late for them to come back for you when they do finally notice your absence. They'd all been so excited to Finally see the Grand line, practically buzzing as they had loaded the final crates of supplies they needed for the trip, far too distracted with thoughts of what they would see out there that no one had noticed you weren't back from running the final errand you'd been tasked with.

By the time you'd returned to the dock the massive ship was already far enough away that it looked no bigger than your hand. Shouting or swimming were far beyond the possibilities of working out in your favor. You fell to your knees heartbroken at the sight, watching everything and everyone you'd ever known shrink into the sunset never to be seen by you again.

You'd still been there when Buggy's ship pulled into the harbor late that night. The Clown's men had whooped and hollered in delight of finally being on land again as they past you. The crowd of them seemed to move around you as if you'd been a rock and they were a river flowing around you. None of them seemed to pay you any mind, too concerned with the prospect of getting drunk at the few bars the town had.

It was only Buggy who'd stopped, he stood there staring at your form now sitting with your knees to your chest as your eyes stared unfocused and empty out at the sea at the exact spot your ship had finally disappeared from view. He could tell from the state of your face that you'd cried, maybe even sobbed and we're now left shivering from the chill of being soaked in a mix of your tears as well as the water that had occasionally splashed up onto you from the waves of the sea.

Silently he had placed his coat over your shoulders, sitting down beside you to look out at the water as well. He knew what was wrong, he could tell exactly what happened to you. You had that undeniable look of someone who knew they'd lost everything, he'd seen it multiple times before on people whose lives the Buggy pirates had destroyed, and more importantly had seen it first hand on himself when Shanks betrayed and abandoned him.

"You'll catch cold if you stay out here any longer, especially with the state your in." Finally he'd broken the silence, broken you from your trance of despair, bringing you back to reality and the pain it brought with it.

"They're gone. They left me behind. I'll never see them again. My whole life was practically on that ship, I know nothing but life on that ship... and now it's just... Gone." Your voice was weak, throat hoarse from the lump that'd formed in it hours ago when you'd first began crying.

Buggy wasn't entirely sure what to say now, his initial comment was just to bring you out of that dark mindset he knew you'd been stuck in for what was practically all day. He wasn't use to comforting people, just threatening them or leaving them for one of his crew to take care of. All he could muster up in his head was generic bullshit. "I'm sorry, I've been in your shoes honestly but I don't know what to say."

"What am I supposed to do now? I have nothing left and no where to go." Finally you'd turned your eyes from the sea, looking over to the man sitting next you.

Buggy kept his eyes on the sea thinking for a moment, before turning to meet your gaze. "I don't know, but you're more than welcome to join my crew and I. Even if it's only till you figure out what you'd like to do next."

God were his eyes beautiful, the moonlight was making them practically glow, infact all of him seemed to glow in the silver light as if he were an angel. You gave a weak nod to him, a small seed of happiness planting itself deep within your hallowed heart.

He stood lending a hand to help you up as well, leading you onto his ship. He'd fed you, given you a change of clothes, told you all about his crew, all their flashy acts and adventures. He seemingly fixed you that night, taking you in as one of his own and taking care of you.

You knew it was due to the emotional mess you'd faced that day but when Buggy had tucked you in and bid you goodnight, your heart couldn't help falling for him.

A year had passed now since Buggy took you in and in that time you'd grown to become one of his most faithful crew members. You'd always assist him with all preparations for his performances, standing by during his shows with anything and everything he'd need. By now your dedication to the man could not be questioned, and no one dared to anyways, they could see you loved the man they all looked up to.

Everyone except the man himself could see how you adored Buggy since that fateful night, and some of them even tried to protect those feelings you held. Cabaji or Mohji would always distract you somehow when they knew the captain was 'entertaining' himself with someone, making sure you were too far away to hear any moans that would surely spill out of the Captain's room.

The pair often felt guilty for sheltering you but they couldn't stand to see their newest friend get hurt and deep down they were hoping the captain would eventually fall for you too. Sure your feelings had started out unhealthy, you initially falling for Buggy because you were broken and he was the one that had picked up your pieces, but by now you'd actually grown to hold a healthy love for the man and the both of you deserved to feel that love.

Things changed when Alvida was added to your crew. Buggy was often too absorbed with scheming up plans with the beautiful new co-captian, that he seemed to not have much time to spend with you or any of his crew anymore frankly. It was affecting a good chunk of his crew, especially you, and no matter how much Cabaji or Mohji tried to distract you from the hurt, the pair knew they couldn't fix the problem entirely.

Cabaji was stood out on the upper deck with you currently, looking out at the stars and holding mindless conversation about how to better his act for the next performance.

"Maybe I could teach you how to unicycle, then we could figure out some flashy synchronized thing to do as a pair." He placed his fist to his chin in thought.

You chuckled at the thought of you on a unicycle, swerving around the circus ring with a spotlight on you. Knowing your luck and coordination you'd probably wipe out midway through and end up somehow run over by your own unicycle or Cabaji's. "I'll let you teach me but I don't think I'd ever become as good as you are."

"That's bull, your good at just about everything!" Buggy's voice called out, interrupting your conversation.

Cabaji saw the way you froze and placed a hand on your shoulder whispering his next words to you. "It's just capt, she's not with him don't worry." He gave your shoulder a little squeeze and you a friendly smile before turning to face the Clown.

"I'm gonna let you two talk, I've gotta go practice my routine anyways." Cabaji excused himself, heading below deck to give you two privacy.

"Long time to see it feels like!" Buggy joked coming to lean against the railing beside you.

"It's your own fault you know." Your tone was cold and your eyes remained fixed on the night sky.

"Yea, I guess it is." He felt a little guilty now that'd you'd pointed it out. "Sorry bout that."

"Whatever. Why aren't you spending your night with her like usual? Did her beauty become too much for you, so you came to see me instead?." Your words were laced with hurt.

He glanced at you for a moment, confused at what you were trying to imply. "She's got some things of her own to do tonight is all. What does her appearance have to do with me talking to you?"

"What doesn't it have to do with it? She far more attractive than me, it's no wonder you abandoned me for her." Your gaze shifted downward to the sea below you, watching the waves shimmer in the lights of the night sky.

"I didn't abandoned you, what the hell are you talking about?!" Buggy turned to face you fully, trying to desperately read your body language or what little of your face he could see. "I spend time with her because she's a co-captian and we have to plan out how the hell to accomplish the things we need to!" You stayed silent, not moving at all from you spot, and just when Buggy was about to storm off you had spoken.

"I regret joining your crew." A few tears rolled down your cheeks.

"What do you mean?" The clown honestly couldn't believe your words. How could you regret being one of his crew? You had given no signs of ever being unhappy until now, you'd grown close to his 2 right hand men almost immediately and always seemed to eager to help him with his shows. So why are you just now telling him you'd regretted your decision?! Did he do something upset you? Were you silently hurting as a result of him never having time to spend with you lately?

"I regret everything that's happened since that night you found me. I regret agreeing to let you take care of me that night. I regret agreeing to join your crew and befriending some of them. I regret being by your side ready to help you with everything and anything. I regret letting the others distract me when you'd sleep with a captive or crew mate. I regret letting them try to mend me when Alvida joined and you'd grown distant. I regret feeling at home here. I regret you finding me that night at all. But most of all.." You paused, finally turning to face Buggy with tears in your eyes.

God did it break your heart to see him lit up like an angel just as he had looked on that faithful night. And Man did it break Buggy's heart to see your eyes were filled with that hurt of betrayal and abandonment like they'd been when he first saw you. You were both back to the same state of being you'd been in when you had first met.

You sighed, closing your eyes finally ready to say what you needed to. "Most of all I regret falling for you, letting not only myself but also the crew believe you could ever grow to love me back."

He felt like he'd been hit by one of his famed giant explosive Buggy balls. Every single thought that had been in his brain was gone with the only thing remaining was you admitting you fell for him, replaying over and over again. He knew you were deticated to him but it was normal for a crew member to be deticated to the captain. How had he missed the fact your looks and actions towards him were filled with far more adoration, than those of the rest of his more faithful members. He hadn't let himself see you in the same light as you did him, only letting you remain as someone who's pain he could relate to. He stopped making time for you, distancing himself without even realizing it. Somehow he had managed to push you from his thoughts entirely to the point he had grown to see as just another member of his crew.

"I- I didn't- I don't-" He was stuttering, desperately fighting for his mind to say something, ANYTHING at all.

"Save your breath, I know you didn't know my feelings for you were so deep." Your eyes opened finally, seeing Buggy fighting to get ahold of his own thoughts.

You watched him flounder his mouth open and closed a few times for a moment before taking a few steps away to lean on the railing to watch the stars again. "I'll be leaving ship tomorrow when we dock in Loguetown."

Finally his mind seemed to snap into place, allowing him to speak and think clearly again. "Why?! No one wants you gone."

"You told me that I could stay with you and the crew till I figured out what I wanted to do next." Your voice was soft and smooth, any hurting you felt was undetectable in your tone.

"So you decided what you want to do?" He moved a step closer to you.

"Not really, I only have a small idea of what I could do." You shrugged.

Buggy grabbed your shoulder, spinning you around to face him, his eyes searched yours intensely. "Then why the hell are you leaving?"

"Buggy do you love me?" You had ignored his question, asking one of you own and when he didn't reply you decided to ask a different one. "Do you wish that you loved me?"

He was silent still, causing you to sigh and push his hand off your shoulder begining to walk away. Though his hand quickly flew to stop you, he finally spoke. "I don't know how I feel honestly. I try to tuck away my own emotions so I don't have to deal with them."

"Maybe it's not that you conceal your feelings, they just don't exist. At least none for me anyway." It was a harsh reality that you knew he also knew but was trying to fight. "How ironic isn't, that you're so desperate to be loved by someone, but now that I do you can't bring yourself to love me back. You can't force feelings Buggy, no matter how viciously you try to and we both know that."

His hand released you coming back to rejoin the rest of him. "You're right, I cannot hope to give you what I cannot give myself."

With that you walked off going to pack your things, leaving the clown to think as endlessly as the stars above him. A hollow feeling formed in his chest, not because he was losing someone he loved or cared deeply for, but because he wasn't and it made him feel extremely guilty for not feeling that way.

By the time you'd docked in LogueTown the next day the whole crew had heard of your leaving them. Many wanted to try to convince you to stay, especially Cabaji and Mohji but they all knew you leaving was for the best after hearing of your talk with Buggy last night. Both Buggy and you had not spoken or even seen each other since said talk, a mutual feeling that there was nothing left to say between the pair of you.

The purpose of the ship docking here was to find the straw hats and reclaim the map of the Grand line from them. The two captains, your two friends and about half of the crew went off to complete the mission, so you really didn't have anyone there to see you off. You'd just grabbed your belongings, saying a few goodbyes to crew that was left on the ship, then left to go into town. Maybe you'd join the Marines now, or find some fishermen and offer to help them out, you honestly had no real idea of what to do now.

Due to the commotion in town caused by the mix of Buggy's crew, the Marines, and the straw hats, you'd somehow ended up on board with the latter. Setting sail for the Grand line with the band of misfit pirates Buggy and your friends had failed to capture.

"So what were you doing in a town like that?" One of the crew asked.

"Nothing really, just saying goodbye to my heart I guess you could say." You answered, a sad smile on your face as for the 2nd time in your life you watched the life you'd grown to know, shrink till it was out of view.

Though this time it was you onboard leaving someone behind to watch helplessly from the docks.

#op buggy #buggy the clown #buggy x reader #angst

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kazutora-lover · 1 year

Text

Not A Dream It's Love — Feel It

Itoshi Rin x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, best friends to lovers

Summary: You lose who you love the most — or, how you turn your biggest nightmare into your biggest blessing

Warnings: nothing too dramatic I suppose? Slightly ooc!rin?

Notes: Ugh, I don't even know what this is tbh skskskw. This is the first time that I've written something on the angstier side. I genuinely feel self-conscious about this one but oh well, hope someone enjoys ~

"We need to break up."

You couldn't believe your ears. Did Rin, your boyfriend of many years, your fiancé really just tell you that he is breaking up with you? Yes, you had bickered here and there like a normal and healthy couple would, but nothing serious ever occurred and you always made up immediately after. The both of you were way too attached to each other.

You didn't understand. What happened to Rin to want to break up with you all of a sudden? Did Rin fall out of love with you? Did you say or do something so utterly stupid that Rin couldn't take it anymore? But that couldn't be, you would know if you did such thing. For sure.

"Huh? Rin wait, what are yo—"

You wanted to grab him, take your lover's hand into your own and talk it out but Rin didn't budge. His facial expression was unreadable and even if you tried hard enough to look past his facade, you couldn't see anything but determination. He really meant those horrible words you never wanted to hear. Especially not from him. The love of your life.

"I'm breaking up with you, y/n."

You really didn't know how to react. Your lips started to wobble involuntarily and your body began to shake like the loose leafs that hung on for dear life on a windy autumn day.

The way your full name left the lips of your lover in question, hurt you more than you could've ever imagined. Not even a knife to your heart could've caused you such tremendous pain. You're sure it couldn't. All that would be left, was a wound so deep it could never heal and yet it still would've healed better than your soul that came crushing down on you.

Your voice sounded hoarse. It's like you've been crying for hours already and yet it's only been mere minutes. Minutes of trying to figure out what had caused this.

"Why? Please tell me what it is? Did I make you uncomfortable? Did I not give you enough space? Or did someone else do something to make you say this?"

You couldn't help the thoughts rushing through your head. You felt like you were in a rush, one second being left unspoken and Rin would slip away and out of your hands like everything was a mere fever dream.

"Y/n, please don't make it harder than it already is. I don't love you anymore and to be honest, I've stopped loving you months ago."

The dark haired man let out a groan, really not being in the mood for any discussions. He just wanted to get it over with. No disruptions whatsoever.

"While I was with you, I realized that we were never meant to be and to be honest, we probably never have been to begin with. You were just never the person I ought to have. And you can't give me what I need. Needless to say that you've been damn clingy too. Thanks to that because it made me realize things before we were able to get married."

By now your face was drenched by your salty tears. You didn't even realize when exactly they started to fall but your emotions equaled an ocean right now — and oceans are big. Your broken heart in exchange? It got shattered into millions of small pieces.

You were sure no one would ever be able to pick up the pieces ever again. And if someone ever managed to pick up a few, there would be a lot of them missing, still. No one could love you like Itoshi Rin. You couldn't love anyone like you love Itoshi Rin.

"You'll get over it, Y/n. Don't worry about the apartment. I'll get my clothes and the other stuff by next week and then you're free to do whatever you want with the rest. Don't worry about sleeping on the sofa either. I'm sleeping at someone else's place."

It felt unbelievable how Rin didn't show the slightest tinge of emotion. He said those things with a tone so normal, you would think he was about to congratulate you on whatever happy ending you just achieved.

Rin began to disappear out of your vision but you couldn't move your body. You felt trapped, paralyzed and helpless. Screams of Rin's name left your lips but it was to no avail. The man you loved slipped right through your fingertips.

You must've been gone for a little bit because when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by a rather worried pair of eyes that stared right back at you.

There they were again, those teal eyes you loved so much but wait — what was Rin doing, sitting next to you?

With a voice as raspy as it was before, you called out for the very man by your side. "Rin?"

Rin sighed in relief at the sound of your voice and placed one of his slightly cold hands on your forehead. "Y/n for fucks sake, you need to stop doing that. Stop pushing yourself when you're sick. You've got me worried shitless."

You on the other hand couldn't quite grip what was happening. Rin was calling you by your nickname. The name only he used for you. Then you took a look around and slowly came to notice that you were in your room, resting on your bed with Rin right by your side.

Before you could stop yourself you blurted out, "Say my name again. Please?"

Your best friend took a good look at you at first but obliged nonetheless, though a little hesitantly, ".... Y/n?"

That's it. You were having a fever dream. None of that shit you dreamt about was real. You know it because you and Rin aren't even a thing. You aren't engaged nor are you dating. You're just .... friends. You're STILL friends.

Before you even understood what was happening to you, hot tears began to roll down your cheeks and not even a few seconds later, two soft hands engulfed your warm cheeks to wipe the salty droplets away.

That was all it took — all it took for you to shoot up and draw Rin in for a hug. A hug you desperately needed. Because even though you were aware of the fact that none of the events you just went through were real, you needed to feel Rin's warmth, his body, his heartbeat and the fact that he wouldn't slip away again.

The latter was at a loss for words as he stumbled forwards messily and right into his best friend's arms, yours. He immediately felt that something was wrong. Something felt different and it was a first for Rin to feel disheartened.

While the dark haired man opted to tighten his arms around you, he couldn't help himself to ask, in the softest voice he could muster, "Y/n? You wanna talk about it?"

It took Rin a few seconds, seconds way too long for his liking until he received a response. It was quiet and muffled and accompanied by occasional sniffles but he understood it nonetheless. "No need, it was just a stupid nightmare."

A low sigh escaped Rin's lips as he spoke, his voice dangerously close to your ear. "You know you can tell me everything, right?"

A shiver ran down your spine at the way Rin talked to you, cared for you. After realizing that you've been spacing out again, Rin squeezed your torso in assurance.

"I know. Thank's Rin."

But deep in your mind, you had a different answer.

"No. Not about this one."

A few days have gone by and you were good to go again. All thanks to your friends who stopped by multiple times a day to make sure you took care of yourself. Or more like, for them to take care of you because they knew how whiny you could get at times of their absence.

In the moments you were alone, you had enough time to think about what happened in that hellish nightmare of yours. You were almost convinced that your dream wanted to tell you something.

Would it be better to keep your feelings to yourself? All bottled up? Should you just move on and forget about Rin? You still have him as your best friend, right? Maybe that's as close as you'll get but at least you won't lose him, ever.

You felt the uneasiness creep up again because you actually planned to confess your feelings soon. Now? You weren't so sure anymore....

This time you were at home at Rin's place. You guys originally planned a movie night with some of your shared friends, or more like only your friends, as Rin only endured their presence because of you. Turns out the other's had different plans all of a sudden. So you went to Rin's alone. At least you could watch whatever you wanted, as the two of you weren't as picky as the others were.

While Rin sat on his sofa and got comfortable already, you sat on the floor in front of the tv, ready to choose whatever movie you would watch. "Rin, wanna watch a horror movie?"

You wriggled with your eyebrows and Rin couldn't help but laugh at you. "Yeah? Let's watch one Y/n, bet you'll end up crying like a baby."

You loved to hear Rin laugh, it's so beautiful and melodic. Melodic it was indeed because it stopped before you got to enjoy more of it, "And come sit on the sofa, are you trying to go blind down there so close to the tv?"

Turning your head to look at him, you threw him a little smirk, "You're one to talk, aren't you?"

A scoff and an eye roll later and he told you to finally sit down with him or else he wouldn't allow you to ever sit down on his sofa again.

When you asked him why, he had told you that the floor was dirty. Jokes on him though because.. did that mean that his place was dirty to begin with?

He didn't take it well when you told him that.

More than an hour later and you guys were fully engulfed in the movie. Well, you were. Somehow.

Rin didn't understand what exactly it was that captured your interest, as he thought the movie was way too boring and predictable. His interest though, laid upon you and you alone.

He watched as your eyes flickered from one corner of the tv to another, analyzing the actors movements with caution and reminding yourself under your breath that whatever you were seeing wasn't real.

Rin found it amusing how you always claimed to like horror movies but still got scared of them by the end anyways. And suddenly he felt like being mischievous as his arm found its way around your form to give you a surprising squeeze.

A big jump and one loud shriek of yours later and you found Rin next to you, chuckling. And even though you would've enjoyed the sight of him enjoying himself, you almost emptied your bladder right then and there.

A soft but exaggeratedly shaken sigh left your lips as you spoke, almost breathlessly, "Rin for fucks sake, you scared me."

The man in question shot you a deadpan look and raised a brow, "Yeah? Wasn't me though, your imagination must be playing tricks on you. How scary."

Another sigh left your parted lips and almost involuntary, your secret got spilled, in a voice as quiet as a whisper.

"Not as scary as my feelings for you."

And Rin heard. If the background noise of the tv was loud seconds ago, it was as quiet as a pin dropping to the floor when you spoke. And his eyes followed every single movement of your lips as to make sure that he's not the one imagining things now.

For him, the movie and everything else around him has been long forgotten. It's you he's interested in and he's going to make sure that this time, he will make his next step your new reality.

You don't have to be scared of your feelings if they're reciprocated, right?

At least that's what Rin believed, as his heart had found its place in your palms long ago.

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock x gn!reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock angst #blue lock scenarios #bllk #bllk x reader #itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi #rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin fluff #dividers are custom made by @/benkeibear ♡#kazutora-lover

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