#I've been doubting myself

[bongsavior]

If i start making music, how do i get noticed

#how do i make it big #music #i've been doubting myself #but everyone my whole life keeps urging me to make music

[tshortik]

I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️

#i talk sometimes #art talk #i made a tweet like this on twatter ages ago but i've been feeling this a lot lately #also this is the start of me writing more on this blog and not only using it as art because who cares!! i don't!! #I wanna translate raw emotion into colors and shapes. I wanna know where to ignore all details and where to go ham you feel me? #i used to dream about developing a style like for MtG where it looked like a masterful oil painting that oozes realism and details #and i've realised the last two years or so that I would actually hate that for me. I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it. For myself. #it's that pipeline from wanting to be the perfect realistic wotc artist to accepting that I will never be that #instead i wanna learn how to stylise better and get a good brush economy going yknow. I wanna be bolder. #i doubt i'll ever be as incredible as all these MtG artists no matter what anyone says. but it's ok!! i don't have to be!!! #i just luv art man!!

[000marie198]

Since Sonic doesn’t like fighting Tails, I wonder how Prime season 3 is going to go. While Nine isn’t Tails, they do look similar and Nine is still a Counterpart. Plus, throughout the first 2 seasons, Sonic has shown to want the characters to befriend their counterparts even when they are mad at Him.

Let him cry. Let the child shed tears, he is hurting. He had been on the verge of having a breakdown ever since Avoid the Void. His voice cracked at several points. He cares about Nine way too much to even try battling him.

I don't know how season 3 will go but I expect Sonic won't be able to attack Nine even after all of that

#sorry it's just Sonic is my favorite and as much as i love analyzing others. I've been unabke to stop myself from noticing Sonic's struggles #he blames himself. a lot #to the point that one of his own images in the smaller Prism form kept insulting him #he had been going into protective big bro mode for Nine since he met the kid #and Prime Sonic does not strike me as a vengeful character. i doubt he'd be able to set Nine as the enemy even still #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #sonic prime #miles tails prower #sonic prime spoilers #nine the fox #tails nine

[chenziee]

Writing Patterns

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

I was tagged by @quackquackcey! Thank you, Cey 🥺🤍

Alright, here we go! Newest to oldest posted.. though not newest to oldest written ahaha (Very much not surprised by the pattern xD I'm more surprised not all of them start with a 5-10 word sentence ahaha)

Red

LawLu for @/lovinglawzine

The first time Law noticed the red cord tangled around his little finger, he dismissed it.

The Plight of the (not) house cat

MarcoAce for @/opmarcozine

The first time it happened, Kotatsu didn't pay it any mind.

Fly, little bird (away from everything)

Marco & Izo for @/opmarcozine

The one time the Whitebeard Pirates had visited the Land of Wano, it was a peaceful and beautiful country.

Cigars, smoke, you, and I

SmoLaw commission for RitsukoRyoku

Punk Hazard was a mess.

Of Murder bunnies and stray marimos

ZoSan for @/zosanauzine

The sun was setting.

Revelations (we could do without)

LawLu chaos

Nami couldn’t believe it.

The Stubborn

ZoSan for @/zosanauzine (part of the Obstacles series)

They say that everyone has a soulmate out there somewhere.

World Economic Journal - Grand Line Edition

LawLu newspaper for @/truffyfest (reminds me i never finished posting this on here whoops)

A mere few days since Straw Hat Luffy and his crew appeared on Sabaody after disappearing off the face of earth for two whole years, they are already sending waves throughout the Grand Line and the entire world.

The Coming of autumn (sudden like your love)

LawLu Hades x Persephone AU for @/truffyfest

Contrary to popular belief, being the God of the Underworld was incredibly boring.

Menace

LawLu & ASL for @/truffyfest

To say Sabo was surprised would be a severe understatement as he watched Trafalgar Law and Luffy interact after all was said and done in Dressrosa.

#one piece #tagged #quackquackcey #lawlu #zosan #marcoace #marco #smolaw #thank you so much for the tag cey <33 #katie pretends to fic #only one of these is a 100% personal work and idk how i feel about that.. #but tbh i doubt i'd have anything to post at all if it wasn't for projects #i've been too out of energy for the past two years to write for myself.. #the deadlines help so so much in forcing me to write ahaha #life kicking my ass and i wouldn't write ANYTHING if it wasn't for zines xD #2020/2021 where are you i miss you

[thresholdbb]

Got diagnosed with "spots all the way down" and they didn't even give me a space worm???

#they gave me steroids this some bs #not even inaprovaline smdh #trill posting? #never doubt my ability to make anything about Star Trek #still pretty spotty though #lolol skin is mottled like a Borg but just less grey #the doctor said I had a beautiful rash and my reply was thanks I made it myself #can't take me anywhere #why yes I do think I'm funny #sonic shower thoughts #fun fact taking famodadine makes your antihistamines work better? gotta fact check the dr still #betting cash money I don't have that the rash will stage a comeback #I'm just annoyed I've been on allergy shots for 6 years and I can still have a prolonged massive allergic reaction #melts into oblivion

[lovelaceisntdead]

OKAY I'm supposed to be getting my haircut on monday but I'm thinking. I skip it.

#this is scary for me!!! #i have had my haircut every six odd weeks basically since i cut it short. #I've been wanting to grow it out a bit for so long but I'm very scared because i know it is going to really bother me #but i need to just bute the bullet and deal with my hair being longer. otherwise my hair won't get longer. #idk!!! #feeling weird tonight anyway and mum made me doubt myself earlier so i think i just need some reassurance or something #and when i say grow my hair longer i mean literally like an inch. #i know this may not seem like a big deal but it is to me! #my hair is the longest it's been in years as it is so it is an adjustment for me. #the only reason I'm hesitant is because i know if it does bother me it is going to really bother me and i may perhaps be unbearable. #but I'm hoping that i will be able to push through? #idk!!! idk i just needed to get some thoughts out #I'm feeling really out of it and overwhelmed this evening #i might have to skip watch party idk. either way I'm gonna get upset about it so fuck me i guess

[mintjeru]

the newest addition to the geo family!

open for better quality | no reposts | ID under the cut

[Image description: A drawing of all the playable Geo characters of Genshin Impact (as of version 3.0) surrounding a gold Seelie. In the front row are Gorou, Noelle, Yun Jin, who look up at the Seelie, and Albedo, who is drawing on his clipboard. In the back row are Itto, Zhongli, and Ningguang. Itto grins with a hand on Zhongli's shoulder, and Zhongli smiles down at the Seelie. Ningguang watches Albedo as he draws. The Seelie floats in the center of the page with sparkles around it.]

#genshin impact #genshin #arataki itto #zhongli #ningguang #gorou #noelle #yun jin #albedo #fanart #myart #doodle #could i really call myself a geo main if i didn't snag the golden seelie? the answer is no #now most of my characters have a seelie that matches them hehe #geo characters my beloved.. need to draw them more #it's been ten thousand years since i've drawn zhongli and not to mention ningguang #i also gave noelle muscles bc hyv are cowards and won't do it themselves #ok last thing is i'm proud of the colors i got for noelle and albedo's hair #i've always struggled w/ getting the right shades so i'm happy it turned out nicely #when in doubt tonal edits always help hehehe

[cinna-bunnie]

me as a kid: haha birthdays are so silly, i wouldn't want a party i would hate to have to cleanup afterwards!!

me as an adult: if i stepped into any room full of people who thought my existence was inherently worth celebrating i would immediately curl up and cry hysterically about it

#me: aha christmas n new years r coming up but i got this i am okay #*remembers my birthday is also coming up somewhat* oh ): #my friends irl do not care about me and i doubt one of them is going to even last until my birthday #i.. i don't even know enough ppl to try hosting a party and inviting myself. this yr has been hell. and I've done well at handling it #but like. 😐 #it's still been a pretty bad year overall... idk. family oriented times of the yr are ROUGH!! especially the first yr u spend alone #this has been my first year alone in like seven or eight years and it sucks!!!!! #and I'm stuck this way bc im too rent burdened to actually go out as often as i need to and Meet People 😐 #i could go on multiple long wants bc there's Layers but akakfkalal i just want a long hug ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ #rly don't want to work today and just want to curl up in bed n play my game

[cptnleviackerman]

ive been gone from tumblr for the past few days (complete accident lolol i was just at my boyf house + chilling w his fam) but now i feel so anxious and weird about coming back so mayhaps i shall just dip my toes in and say hello rn ᵕ̈ i hope yall have had wonderful days recently and that the world has been kind to you <3

#will anyone have missed me? or even noticed my absence? #doubtful #esp since i use a queue so I've still been reblogging things #i just been feeling odd #and also i think im putting too much pressure on myself to be cool on here #like #i dont need to impress anyone obvs #just be myself #but scary #sage.words

[galaxywhump]

Throwing my various wips at my brain but nothing sticks

#writing woes #i really want to write #it's so frustrating that i can't #and i've been having sooo many doubts #all this time i tried to stay positive and consider myself at least a decent writer #now it's hard to keep thinking that #sorry i'm venting my insecurity here #it just helps to get it out #marti vents #delete later

[timelessbian]

*said with clenched fists, through gritted teeth* cringing at something i wrote nearly a decade ago is actually a good thing and i am being so strong and brave by reading it without clawing my eyes out

#been in a weird mood lately and got hit with thoughts about finishing [redacted] but rereading it is...testing my soul to say the least #not bc i think it's BAD it's more that i know i could do it better now bc i've improved a lot in the last 8 years #which like...i'm proud of myself!! a lot of the growth is quite literally visible in the fic itself #but i guess this is a lesson in why it's not ideal to leave a fic unfinished for 8 years #chances are nothing's even going to come of this and i doubt anyone's really still actively waiting for updates #and that's not me trying to fish for anything!! i'm just genuinely rereading and having a Time sjavhbsdvhd #the maddie diaries

[poppies]

2023 was the worst year of my life. not sure what's to come or where to start but i know things have to change, i have to fix things somehow

#i haven't been very active online #last june i experienced something traumatic and i'm stuck in an environment in which i cannot heal #plus chronic pain has inhibited my life to a devastating degree #so all i've done these past months is sink further and further into a sadness and emptiness and pain i can't describe #it's scary to look in the mirror at somebody entirely unrecognizable. i feel hollow and devoid of any traits #i feel i've lost everything that made me 'myself' #lost my family. lost my health. lost myself. lost all the things i cared about once #i don't think i can ever return to the person i was before. so i have no option but to start anew #i need to stop being so terribly nostalgic for the things i can never get back #i can't keep clinging onto broken shards #honestly i know deep down that holding on to the hurt has never served me. and i doubt it ever will #but i'm scared to let go. scared of what will take its place. scared of what i'll find. #i don't think i can heal here #so i'm just enduring. but it's scary how time keeps passing. i've been so dissociated and none of this feels real #i feel so hopelessly lost and trapped and behind. i'm 23 now but it feels so wrong #✩

[2xxtrysxx2]

I went to the zoo to see the pandas before they left. I cant believe they're leaving 😭 pandas have always been my favorite animal so it sucks that i wont be able to see them anymore. I really hope China sends pandas back to the US within my lifetime lol

I had a nice time there, but it closed early for an event so i didnt get to see all the animals. I did get to visit the bird house though, so that was great. They redid the exhibit, and it was a bit different from the last time i was there. Seeing the birds fly around and pointing out all the species i recognized to my nieces was alot of fun 🩷 idk if the outdoor part of the bird house was closed or if i just couldn't find the entrance. I saw some of the birds outdoora like the flamingos and owls, but i couldn't find the entrance to the big bird cage thingy you used to be able to walk into. I cant remember the ant species that were kept there besides peacocks. I was so enraptured by the males' feathers and how close you could get to them as a child that it sticks out in my mind. That was always my favorite part of the zoo to visit as a child (well, second to the panda exhibit). But even without that part, i still really loved the bird house ☺️ That and the panda stuffies i bought were the highlight of the trip

There were so many animals that we didn't get to see; i want to go back in a few weeks. I didnt get to see any of the apes, the lions, the reptiles, or even the petting zoo! I really hope some of the kids want to go again

#mine #The past couple of weeks have been so hard. Going to the zoo was such a nice change of pace #I wish everything wasnt so hard #i wish i wasnt so sad and angry all the time #im so tired of everything #i can't believe I've lived like this for so long #it's like they are purposely trying to drive me crazy and then blame me for it #i didn't ever wanna leave the zoo #it was the perfect escape #i hate coming home and i hate that i can't just leave whenever i want #i feel like a prisoner #and i know he's has his own problems to deal with but i wanna talk to him so badly 😞 #he always makes me feel so much better #but it makes me feel like such a shitty person to come crying to him about my stupid problems when i don't ever do anything to help him #its so hard not to bother him everyday even though it's quite clear that he isn't able to or doesn't want to talk to me 😞 #god. im such a useless and awful person. i can feel how fucked up it is of me to want to reach out to him #i hate myself for being such an awful baby #and i hate myself in general too i guess lol 🙃 #why can't i just be normal and deal with my problems like a normal person? god i fucking hate myself so much #wow i cant believe this post started out about going to the fucking zoo lol well i kinda doubt anyone is gonna read the tags anyway 🤷🏾‍♀️

[formulaonedirection]

Max on racing: “I don’t know, I definitely want to try and get back into it. It’s a tough thing to get the ball rolling again, if you really know motorsports well. It’s a brutal world. But yeah, I definitely want to do that again because as time goes on I’m definitely missing it more, like for sure. Like the biggest thing adjusting from the racing was having that purpose. Because it was the only thing I ever knew what to do, you know. Like since I was 9 years old, I was racing every month and I felt like that was my purpose in life you know, to race. That was what I did. So like when I stopped it was like a big shock to the system. Okay, I was really happy to not race because it was a really tough year and I was just like “I need to get out of this space for a bit” but now I miss it again.”

#don't mind me i'm just talking to myself but watch the video! #I've literally been chewing on this video for the past week #like it was sad the first time i watched this time but i just thought about it again last week and tracked it down #and it made me sad AGAIN #just thinking about losing that ONE thing you've been doing for decades and you're still young you know you're 21 #but it feels like you've already failed #and then you're 22 and then you're 23 and you're still not racing but you still haven't really found your thing and it- it has to be a lot #and you're back home with your parents and it's lovely because your parents like you SO much and you like them too #and you keep telling yourself that leaving when you did was the best choice. it was the best and bravest thing you could do for yourself #and realistically you know this is true but that's not how insecurity and doubt work #what i'm saying is that I think my boy is immensely brave for making that decision #and putting himself out there still knowing it might not work out #max is a realist but he's also a little bit of a romantic #anyway! #just doing some character study for as yet untitled football au #max fewtrell #*maxvid

[daz4i]

i didn't realize i was capable of such levels of sleepiness. yet here we are

#first time in months (years??) i went through a day with no caffeine at all #(unless arizona iced tea contains any lmao but i doubt it's got enough to affect anything) #i woke up. i took my meds and ate cereal. i fell asleep for 4 more hours. #I've been up since but now i struggle to keep myself awake again #@my body we've been up for like 9 hours can you chill 😭 shitty ass body #the good news is at least my tummy ache is better today 🫡 tho it might be a coincidence too idk. #guess I'll try it again tomorrow. maybe. #but man. it's 8ish am and i wanna go to sleep so bad.

[cinnamon-phrog]

Can I please have some comfort right now, if that's okay? People are watching me.

#i'm being impersonated and harassed #every day people in my past still try to find me. and i'm scared #not of what they might find. i have nothing to hide. but it's the constant fear of being watched and never being free #i'll never be free from the people who hurt me because they'll always find me somehow #i shouldn't be feeling so awful but at the same time. #i pour myself out to help others yet in return i get 'oh it doesn't bother me' and 'i've had it worse'. as if i doubt that for a second. #but please. not everyone has the same amount of emotional endurance. my patience has worn completely thin. #people i've known on here to be the most disgusting scum of the earth who no matter how many times i block them still show up in my inbox. #people from my old school still think they can get to me. a person who lied to me still wastes their time watching me #someone who i cared about the most probably still watches on and it's breaking me. #it always has been but i'm the sensible one. i'm not allowed to do this. i shouldn't be writing this but i'm getting desperate #i've taken deep breaths. i've drank water. i've done everything plus things i should not have to ease it off. #maybe the reason why i love puppets and artificial characters because i'm always used like one. like i'm a toy to break or put away #stupid analogy everyone has made for themselves but i'm done trying to be a good writer. the composer. #i want to feel without being judged but of course that's impossible. it's fine when it's strangers but relentless stalkers? it's wrecking m #it has been for ages but i was scared to say because i'm used to apathy and false promises. #i keep forgetting things and hurting myself. i'm getting scared.