#I'm posting this on my ugly ass mac if it looks bad it wasn't me

[cherclle]

   tw. extreme microaggression, adoption and body dysmorphia implication

YOU HAVE TO LOVE THE SKIN YOU’RE IN FIRST.     

              a plethora of her biological mother’s words are scribbled on papers hidden beneath her pillow, but that’s the phrase that stuck with cherry the most. stubborn cherry, argued down by a woman who knew all too well what this world will tell her about the body she was born in.

        YOU HAVE TO LOVE THE SKIN YOU’RE IN.  YOU HAVE TO BE PROUD OF IT.

           “ and there you have it, ”  the recorded sound of a woman’s voice is heard from the other side of her cell phone, a video titled 5 LOOKS FOR NATURAL HAIR that she had paused and rewinded over fifteen times.    “ the perfect looks for my natural haired queens. go and slay. ”     TWO SPACE BUNS SIT on top of her head ,  the rest of her defined curls hanging loosely as the tutorial clicks off.     a mess of hair products sit atop a pearly white bathroom countertop;  the got2b glue previously smeared on finger tips being washed off underneath a faucet before stepping back to admire her work.

           you have to love the skin you’re in.        there was no smoke surrounding the bathroom from the strands of hair she’d burn just to pin them straight,  the flat iron stayed comfortably underneath a variety of products in her bottom cabinet. for cherry, as she stared down at the curls she was so used to tucking away into pony tails, as if doing so could hide her skin color, it was natural, it was comfortable, and it all seemed to click.     she was proud of it. 

          the pride being evident even as she heard a knock on the bathroom door, opening it to reveal her mother in a long nightgown, holding out her arm.    “ i was outside for hours yesterday, i’m almost as black as you are now, cher. ”     a jolt in brows as brown hues adjust to glance at the pale skin her mother was referring to, only for a burnt shade of redness from the sun to be returned.  said jokes among the family, mostly at the expense of the adopted member whose brown skin compared to their cream color was an excellent way for her to feel left out, were nothing new for cherry.   they’re just jokes,  the group would claim at the dinner table, so much so that she trained herself to laugh at them.

              there was no time to laugh now, however, as more important matters intruded her mother’s thoughts than whether or not her daughter would find the comment offensive.      “ what are you doing with your hair? ”   there was only one person more critical about cherry’s appearance than cherry herself.   a woman who, when the child was at the mere age of five, put permanent straightener in her daughter’s hair so she didn’t have to bother with the tangles. the feeling of joy her natal mother preached about began to sink, muttering an  I DON’T KNOW  under her breath.  cold hands place themselves on either side of her cheeks, the touch mimics affection, but she could tell simply by the look in her mother’s misty grey eyes she felt the complete opposite.   “ you look like one of those inner city kids. i can’t have you going to school like that. ”   disgust running rampant through her timbre, pressing her lips to the girl’s forehead to ease her words.   “  straighten your hair. you look much prettier when it’s straightened. ”

           she shuts the door,  although an ice remains on her cheeks from where her hands were placed, the separation between the two leaves cherry alone in the bathroom to pick up the slights aimed towards her.   her attention is paid to the mirror fully,  where she sends a dry chuckle to her reflection while observing the style she spent the morning perfecting;  only now noticing the bits of hair poking outside of the buns she put them in, and the way the edges of her hair refused to stay in place despite the load of gel she lathered on to it.  a fucking mess,  she thinks.  and her mother was right, she looks a lot better when it’s straightened. 

#tbt. lazy #this was supposed to be done eighteen years ago to describe her journey with her natural hair but u know what #( self para tag ) #the fact that sam didn't make me a graphic for this is kinda gross who agrees #tw microaggression #tw racism #tw body dysmorphia #is adoption a trigger #tw adoption #I'm posting this on my ugly ass mac if it looks bad it wasn't me #tbt. before the crash