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#I'm trying desperately NOT to think but also trying to engage in behaviors I know should make me feel better
ineffable-endearments · 5 months
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I keep going back and forth on how much I think Aziraphale understood the Metatron's offer as an implicit threat right off the bat. How much of 'Heaven is the side of Good' was sincere, felt-it-in-his-marrow sentiment, and how much of it was a desperate lie, or a desperate attempt to convince himself that he and Crowley were about to be given what he wanted, or a desperate attempt to harness Heaven's power for his own purposes.
I have kind of shifted to believe, though, that maybe Aziraphale's character development doesn't have to be exactly "learning that Heaven is bad." Maybe it's OK, from a character development standpoint, if he already knows that, at least 75% of the way.
Because I actually think there's something deeper than just "Heaven isn't good" that Aziraphale has to go through: "You can't violate free will even if your intentions for people are one thousand percent good and pure and kind." This is the core reason why Heaven is "irredeemable," so to speak: its whole purpose is to "mess people around," as Adam Young would say. Even if Aziraphale could walk in there, instantly dominate the Metatron, stop the Second Coming, and dedicate all of Heaven's operations to Making Humanity Good, it still wouldn't be okay.
Like, Aziraphale needs to value free will for its own sake, rather than as a means to a Good end. This feels more all-encompassing of both the philosophical conflict between Aziraphale and Crowley and the alarming behavior we've seen from Aziraphale this past season (controlling people's mood and behavior at the ball, for example).
It's also a compelling philosophical conflict because accepting free will for what it really is is frightening. Sometimes you will watch people be self-destructive. Sometimes you will make yourself vulnerable to other people's choices and they could hurt you or your loved ones. Heck, when Crowley had a chance to give a bunch of humans the ability to kill each other to prove a point about human nature, he protected them from themselves!
But on the scale of the whole universe, for free will to work like it's "supposed to," like Aziraphale says out loud it's supposed to (just before Armageddon), it has to be absolute. Having humanity pushed into the middle of a cosmic battle between Above and Below doesn't actually enable free will or any of the other qualities Aziraphale admires in the world of humanity (and Crowley).
Forcing people to choose between two sides isn't really free will.
Heck, even if the Final Fifteen of Season 2 was merely one big miscommunication, a failed bullet catch trick, that in itself could be part of the lesson. Trying to use your power (relationship) to push your loved ones (Crowley) into doing things (becoming an angel again) you believe are For Their Own Good WILL hurt them, no matter how pure your intentions are.
Evil/cruelty in Heaven will be an important part of the main conflict, I think we can say that's obvious, but Heaven's whole...thing is moving people, humans and angels and probably Hell's demons too, around like pieces on a chessboard. The entire mission of the organization would be wrong even if everyone was perfectly well-intended and nobody ever engaged in intentional cruelty and Heaven decided not to destroy Earth after all.
So, while I really can't say I'm confident in making predictions about it, I would find it narratively satisfying for Aziraphale to go up there, immediately know what's going on, and make real trouble for Heaven while still finding lots of compelling ways to grow as a character.
And lots of ways to bumble around charmingly, too. Remember that Aziraphale very smartly figured out something he was never supposed to figure out, the location of the Antichrist, and looked like a complete ding dong (I am saying this in the most loving tone imaginable) the whole time.
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lvrdrafts · 7 months
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The Love That Seemed To Slip Away
★Request: Sorry I didnt know writing fics based on the lyrics was hard 😞 Thanks for trying though ❤️ I have another idea. What if instead of the lyrics , focusing on only bucky's trying to make his gf to hate him since he's gonna go to the most dangerous mission in his life and he thinks he might not be making it this time. Therefore, to save mc from this possible outcome, he's trying to make her hate him.
★ Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader
★ Warnings: Mentions of Torture
★ Genre: Angst/ Fluff
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You wake up early, just as the sun is starting to rise, to make coffee for Bucky. It's a ritual you've developed over time, a small but meaningful way to show your love. Bucky always woke up before you to go on runs with Steve while you woke up around 7 to make coffee so that by the time he comes back he has something to look forward to.
The front door creaks open, and Bucky and Steve enter, their breaths slightly labored from their run. As they make their way to the kitchen, you stand ready with Bucky's favorite mug in hand, a comforting smile on your face.
But as he approaches, something feels off. Bucky doesn't meet your gaze; instead, he walks past you, heading straight for the sink to wash up. His demeanor is distant, and he seems lost in his thoughts, as if he's carrying a heavy burden.
You exchange a concerned glance with Steve, who also seems to notice Bucky's unusual behavior. Steve offers a quick nod and a sympathetic look, silently acknowledging that something is amiss.
Bucky finishes washing up and reaches for the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup without a word. He still hasn't looked at you, and the air in the room grows tense with unspoken questions.
After a few awkward moments, Bucky finally speaks, his voice lacking its usual warmth. "Thanks for the coffee," he mumbles, but his words feel distant and empty.
You walked over to him, a small smile on your face, and attempted to engage him in conversation. "How was the run, guys?" you asked, your voice warm and inviting.
Bucky's response was a stony silence. He didn't even glance in your direction, and the discomfort in the room grew palpable. You could sense something was deeply troubling him, and it weighed heavily on your heart.
Steve, noticing Bucky's reluctance to engage in conversation, decided to step in. He offered a reassuring smile and replied on Bucky's behalf, "It was good, Y/N. We had a solid run."
You nodded, trying to hide your concern but failing miserably. Bucky's continued silence was unsettling, and it felt like a wall had been erected between you. It wasn't like him to be so distant and unresponsive.
Desperate to bridge the growing gap, you reached out to touch his arm gently. "Bucky, is something bothering you?" you asked, your concern evident in your voice.
He finally acknowledged your presence, though not in the way you had hoped. Bucky met your gaze, but there was a coldness in his eyes, and his response was indirect and hurtful. "Y/N, maybe you should ease up a bit," he said, his voice tinged with irritation. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry so much."
As Bucky stood up, he turned away from you and walked towards the exit, leaving you feeling hurt and bewildered. The sting of his rejection weighed heavily on your heart, and you fought back tears, struggling to comprehend what had just happened.
Steve, who had been silently observing the exchange, approached you with a sympathetic look. He gently placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder and said, "Y/N, don't take it to heart. Bucky's probably just having a rough day. He'll come around when he's ready to talk."
Trying to shake off the sting of Bucky's behavior, you took a deep breath and tried to convince yourself that perhaps you were overreacting. After all, everyone had off days, and maybe Bucky was simply having one of those moments. You didn't want to appear overly sensitive or needy, so you nodded in response to Steve's words, offering him a small, forced smile.
Steve sighed, clearly conflicted by the situation. "I'm going to go check on him," he said, giving you an apologetic look. "Maybe he just needs some space right now."
As Steve followed Bucky out of the kitchen, you were left feeling hurt and confused, wondering what had caused this sudden rift between you and the man you loved.
★★★
The evening had arrived when you and Bucky had planned to go out for a romantic dinner. It was a few days ago when you'd both set this date, looking forward to some quality time together amidst the chaos of the Avengers' busy lives. You arrived at the restaurant, your heart filled with anticipation, and chose a cozy corner table, softly lit by candlelight.
Time passed, and you checked your watch, noticing that it had been nearly thirty minutes since your reservation. An unsettling feeling began to gnaw at your stomach as you glanced around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Bucky's familiar face.
Just as you were about to reach for your phone to text him, your device rang, displaying Bucky's name on the screen. With a hint of relief, you answered, expecting an apology and an explanation for his tardiness.
"Hey, Bucky," you said, trying to keep your tone light, "where are you? I've been waiting here for a while."
Bucky's voice on the other end sounded distant, and his response sent a wave of disappointment through you. "I'm really sorry, Y/N, but Natasha wants to spar with me for the latest mission, and I can't say no."
Your heart sank, and you couldn't help but feel hurt by his words. You'd been looking forward to this dinner for days, and it felt like he was prioritizing work over your relationship. Trying to mask your disappointment, you asked, "Can't you reschedule the spar with Natasha? This was important to me."
Bucky's response was far from what you had hoped for. "Y/N, stop being so overdramatic," he replied, his tone icy and dismissive. "It's just one dinner. I'll make it up to you."
Tears welled up in your eyes as the weight of his words hit you like a punch to the gut. You never expected him to be so callous, especially when you had been looking forward to spending this time together. "Bucky, this was supposed to be our time," you said, your voice quivering with hurt.
But he didn't seem to care. Bucky simply replied, "I gotta go, Y/N. Natasha's waiting. Bye."
With that, he hung up the phone, leaving you sitting there in the dimly lit restaurant, feeling abandoned and heartbroken. You were left wondering how the man you loved could prioritize a mission over your relationship, and you couldn't help but fear that this was a sign of deeper issues in your connection with Bucky.
★★★
As you walked into the apartment that night, the disappointment from the failed dinner date weighed heavily on your heart. Bucky sat on the couch, his distant expression telling you that something was terribly wrong. You knew you needed to confront him, to get to the bottom of what had gone so awry.
"Bucky," you began, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt, "we need to talk about tonight."
He sighed heavily, his blue eyes meeting mine briefly before he looked away. "I don't think there's much left to say."
"Are you serious?" Your frustration boiled over. "You can't just leave me waiting at a restaurant, call me, and then tell me you're not sure about us anymore, and then run off on a mission without any explanation!"
Bucky's jaw clenched, and he finally met your gaze. "I needed to spar with Nat. It's not just a mission; it's training, and I couldn't say no."
You couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You couldn't say no to her, but you had no problem saying no to me? We had plans, Bucky. Plans that mattered to me."
Tears welled up in your eyes, and your voice trembled as you replied, "Bucky, you could have at least canceled our plans earlier or let me know that something came up. You're leaving me here feeling humiliated."
He seemed to hesitate, the weight of his own emotions showing in his furrowed brow and clenched fists. "I don't know how to explain it, I've been feeling distant, and I'm not sure if I can do this anymore."
His words hit you like a sledgehammer, and your heart sank into a pit of despair. "What do you mean, 'do this anymore'? Bucky, we've been through so much together. We love each other, don't we?"
Bucky's eyes held a coldness you had never seen before, and it sent a shiver down your spine. "I don't think I ever loved you. I used you as a crutch to help me get through my PTSD, to make myself feel better. But now that I'm better I don't need you anymore."
The room seemed to close in on you, the pain and confusion overwhelming. "No, Bucky, you can't mean that. We've shared so much, and I thought we had something real."
But instead of responding, Bucky stood up abruptly, his duffle bag clenched tightly in his hand. His voice was as cold as ice as he said, "I have to go. The mission can't wait."
You watched in stunned silence as he stormed out of the apartment, the door slamming shut behind him. The emptiness that engulfed you was suffocating, and you crumpled to the floor, tears streaming down your face.
★★★
The past month had been a relentless nightmare for you. Bucky had stormed off after that painful confrontation, leaving you in a whirlwind of emotions and confusion. But nothing could have prepared you for the news that followed. Bucky had gone on a dangerous undercover mission with Natasha, and they had both ended up severely injured and captured by the enemy. It felt like the world had crumbled around you.
While the rest of the Avengers were busy with their personal lives and commitments, it was just you and Steve who had rushed to the hospital. Steve paced the sterile corridors with a worried expression etched on his face, occasionally glancing at you as you sat outside the intensive care unit, your heart heavy with concern.
Hours turned into days, and you refused to leave the hospital. You couldn't bear the thought of Bucky and Natasha going through this alone, and your presence seemed to be the only solace you could offer them.
One day, as you were sitting by Bucky's bedside, Steve entered the room, his face a mixture of relief and exhaustion. He approached you, and you could see the weariness in his eyes.
"How's Natasha?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Steve sighed deeply. "She's stable, but she's not awake yet. They say it might be a while before she regains consciousness."
You nodded, your gaze drifting to Bucky, who lay unconscious with various tubes and wires attached to him. He looked so vulnerable, so far removed from the strong and stoic man you had known.
Steve sat down beside you, and his voice was heavy with guilt as he said, "I need to tell you something. Bucky was going undercover on this mission. He was supposed to be captured and tortured to be with the other agents who were captured, to get close to them and help them escape."
Your heart sank as the pieces fell into place. Bucky had been trying to cut off ties with everyone, including Steve, because he wasn't sure if he would make it out alive. It was a heartbreaking revelation, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of anger and sadness.
"Why didn't he tell us?" you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes.
Steve looked at you with empathy. "He didn't want us to get involved, in case things went south. He wanted to protect us."
★★★
As the days turned into weeks, Bucky's recovery showed remarkable progress. It was a sunny morning when you arrived at the hospital room, greeted by the sight of Bucky sitting up in bed, looking much stronger than before. His eyes lit up when he saw you, and a hopeful smile tugged at his lips.
"Y/N," he whispered, his voice still somewhat weak.
But as you gazed into his eyes, you could see the turmoil within him, the guilt and remorse that had weighed him down during his recovery. His lips quivered, and he took a shaky breath before he began to speak.
"I'm so sorry" Bucky choked out, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I never meant to hurt you like this."
You felt your heart ache as you watched him break down, his emotions laid bare before you. "Bucky, it's okay. You don't have to apologize."
Bucky shook his head, his voice trembling as he continued, "I need you to understand why I did it. I was scared. Scared of losing you, of losing everything we had. I thought if I pushed you away, it would protect you, protect us."
Tears welled up in your own eyes as you listened to his confession. "Bucky, I do understand. I know you were trying to protect us."
Bucky wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, his voice heavy with regret. "But it was a mistake, a terrible mistake. I should have trusted you, trusted us. I can't believe how foolish I was."
Bucky began, his voice trembling with emotion. "During that mission, all I could think about was you."
Your heart swelled with tenderness as you listened intently to his words. "Bucky, what do you mean?"
Bucky took a deep breath, as if reliving those moments in his mind. "Every time things got tough, every time I was in pain or scared, you were the one I thought of. Your face, your smile, the way you laugh—those memories kept me going. Even when they tortured me so badly I couldn't walk, all I could think about was you"
As Bucky shared his feelings about the mission and how you had been his source of strength, you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with love and relief. Tears of happiness welled up in your eyes as you whispered, "But now you have me, and you don't ever have to go through something like that alone again."
A warm smile spread across Bucky's face, and he gently pulled you closer. "I promise. I won't ever pull something like that again. I want to face everything together with you."
You settled beside him on the hospital bed, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the beating of his heart against your chest. It was a moment of profound comfort and reassurance, a silent affirmation of your love and your commitment to one another.
Taglist: @lareinaisabelle
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viburnt · 4 months
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Heyyy loved your Izuku story, made me want to request one with the prompt "How could I do that to him/her?" Maybe someone is flirting with adult Izuku but he already has a partner and is very loyal OR maybe having an interview where the host makes a joke/insinuation he should go and take advantage that he is famous to meet many more people
Whatever you prefer 💖thank you
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I hope I managed to convey the feelings you expected, Anon! Have some loyal dog Izuku *smooch* Also Pro-hero!Izuku is a smart crowd pleaser, he knows how to play his cards and outsmart malicious people. Also you didn't specify any gender so I went with gender neutral.
-Viburnt
𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 || 𝐓.𝐕 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬
— Welcome, everyone! Today, we're here with Japan's latest big shot and number one pro-hero, Deku! We are so excited that you were able to have some time for us, darling.— The model serving as a hostess said, her body language exaggerated, and her outfit provocative to gauge higher ratings for the show.
Izuku hadn't really planned to participate in the program, but after you convinced him to do so, he agreed; you'd always supported his career, so you encouraged him to engage with his fans often.
Izuku just wished it had been with a less slimy host, feeling uncomfortable with the frequent lascivious looks the model would throw at him.
—Thank you for having me.— The man said with his classic charming smile. —It's a pleasure to be here with you guys.
—Say, Deku, you've become quite an icon lately. Your popularity is almost as high as mine!— The woman joked, eliciting a slight laugh from the live public. —Have you grown used to being a groundbreaker?
Midoriya bashfully looked at her, feeling her eyes checking him out from head to toe as she spoke.
—Well, the hero life is a difficult path, I have to admit that.— He started, trying to formulate an answer that would suffice. —But it's something I love, and I'm trying to be the best at it.
The model nodded in understanding, allowing her hand to roam to the muscles of his arm.
—Absolutely! We are very alike in that aspect, you know?— She commented, giving a slight squeeze to his biceps. It was getting on Izuku's nerves. —It wouldn't be too far-fetched to be together as a couple.— He heard her say with a wink, the audience having mixed reactions to her blatant flirting.
—Don't you think we'd make a picture-perfect power couple?
Midoriya felt disgust towards the hostess, feeling overwhelmed by her constant indecency. "Talk about basking in reflected glory," he thought, wishing he could get away from her.
—Haha, well, I appreciate your interest, but I'm afraid I'm not available.— He answered with an unfaltering grin; even if it hadn't been long since he had first debuted as a pro-hero, he'd learnt a thing or two about managing his looks while facing the public eye.
The model pouted, pressing the matter even more.
— Just think of the headlines! We could be an 'it' couple.— She added to her desperate attempt to convince him. —Besides, wouldn't you prefer to change your old partner for a brand new model? You'd be the envy of your colleagues.
The public awkwardly laughed at the hostess' behavior. It was funny the first time, they'd guessed, but after a while, it just felt uncomfortable– Even they could sense the uneasiness in Izuku through his charismatic facade.
—How could I do that to them?— Midoriya answered, shaking his head. —I love my partner; they are the best. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
A loud wave of clapping and cheering soared after his answer, moved by the vulnerability and sweetness behind those words. Izuku swore he'd heard a man scream "I love you" at him.
—Hey, baby, if you are watching the show like you promised, wait for me for dinner.— Izuku said to one of the cameras, referring to you as he took his leave from the scene.
For a few weeks, the whole interview fiasco had spread on every social media platform, but every single post had one thing in common: they all agreed that Izuku was loyal to you.
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robogart · 7 months
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So do you just respond to anon hate because you know itll get you showered with compliments after? Because you really shouldve just deleted them and moved on ... Dont engage, just block, right? Or are you just too good for that. If its not worth the effort, why do you keep doing it? Look, I really truly love your work .... I *agree* with all the people complimenting you. But taking the time out of your day to formulate snarky responses to people that should not matter to you, for the sake of drowning it out with others' approval just makes you look really vain and desperate. Im sorry if that upsets you. Im not trying to judge your character, im just saying thats how you might appear to an outsider, but you shouldnt care about what i think of you anyway. Regardless, i hope you have a wonderful day and keep making the art that you want to make. ✌
I will say "don't engage, just block" has been a successful tactic that I have used/been using on twitter (and instagram, when I remember to use it) since two people can't really engage with a character limit. There's also no real anonymous posting on either platform, so people can get dogpiled on either side, which I try to be aware of and avoid.
So it's tough because I do agree that most times it is better to walk away - you're right! And I'd be inclined to do that for most internet circumstances. But I guess this Shadowheart situation has honestly just become something that I am going to speak up on, because to these anonymous messages, I want to state and clearly explain why this piece, and others like it, are important to me. Drawing fat people is very important to me.
And I have been very much "in the pocket" today in responding to things, much more than I usually am, considering I usually don't get this much inbox attention at all. In the past, the few times I'd get this sort of quantity of responses would also come from a similar circumstance when I would want to draw a character from a popular series (usually drawing them as fat, buff, larger-bodied than their original design) and people want to speak up on it. So when this does happen, and specifically on tumblr because it's a blogging platform that supports long text and anonymous messages, I do find myself responding to most things. Especially since it's revolving around drawing fat bodies and it is something I feel impassioned to speak up on and explain why I do it.
My more "snarky" and cheeky responses are towards the anonymous messages that are giving me that energy at the start. And I respond to them because I am a person, not just some art-making machine on the internet. I want these anons to know that I see their messages, their attitude is not appreciated, and their commentary is hateful and wrong because they have internalized shit they should work through (as do we all). But it's not going to fly here and there are MANY people who agree with me and do not tolerate this behavior, and these anons should see that that is the case.
The kind and supportive messages I get because of these situations I vastly appreciate. I respond to them because I'm grateful for the time, I'm in that typing/ready-to-respond pocket, and they help me (and hopefully others) remember that for every hateful thing someone might say, there are a dozen people who support you. Every time you dare to draw and represent a person outside of the beauty standard, there will always be people who will hate it and they are going to tell you. But with them, there will be dozens more who truly love it because they find it beautiful and they will appreciate what you do. It is immensely meaningful and important to me that people see this and see more artwork that expands the scope of beauty. That is why I respond to these messages.
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cupcraft · 1 year
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I've been having some thoughts lately and decided to put it in a long post during my lunch break.
Cc's are not and never will be your friend. It's normal to engage and feel parasocial to a degree with cc's but it's important ccs and yourself create the boundary of "we don't know each other and thus are not friends/etc." This is important of the cc, because a responsible cc is aware of their impact, aware of the power dynamic, and sets healthy boundaries for themself. It's important for you in order to stay safe and engage with a fandom and cc with respect and to maintain a healthy mindset.
It is also normal for fandoms to defend their cc TO A DEGREE, especially when comments against the cc affect other people (this is a simple way to say it, theres a lot of nuance to this pt). But, you should never feel the need or actually try to parent or speak for a cc. For example, people being queerphobic to Ranboo is fair to speak up against particularly because the queerphobia affects other members of the fandom. However, feeling like you must speak on behalf of ranboo, be their parent, or protect them at all costs from "evil ccs and fans" is not only against their express wishes but just isn't a healthy or normal way to engage with a cc.
Because if you don't engage healthily besides breaking any cc boundaries, and hurting yourself and mental health, you really can hurt other people. If you're engaging in fandom and cc fandoms especially to a point in which you create yourself an echo chamber of toxicity that seeks to harm anyone in your path that is unhealthy behavior and you need srs help and I mean that genuinely like you need to talk to a trained professional or support group.
Like it's not normal to hate all ccs and people who are not explicitly positive about your cc at all times now and forever. It's not normal to make excuses for widely acceptable bad actions to the point you harm those affected by said bad actions. It's not normal to view holding a cc accountable as "just being an anti/hater/jealous" as you should always leave room to be critical of the content you consume especially if it's from a real person with real actions. It's not normal to dislike those that dislike ur cc so much (cc or fans) to the point you dedicate your social media presence to sending death threats, doxxing, harassment, gory images, etc as well as spending the majority of your blog screenshotting and vagueing and cyberbullying people. It's not normal to feel as though your cc is an infallible perfect idol figure that is in desperate need of an army protecting them at all times where you hang on their every word to dictate all actions, opinions, and morals to the point you will change your entire personality and ethics system just to maintain any ounce of being uncritical of someone. In simpler words, you might want to be aware the line of parasocialism and crossing over into being like a member of a cult (not to say it actually is a cult, this is an analogy)
And you might say to this post "this is a vague" but I'd rather argue that if you feel like this post applies to you regardless if you're mcyt or another cc/celebrity/real person based fandom you might want to realize that you need to do srs self reflection and understand how you got here, who you've hurt to stay there, and what things you've sacrificed for someone you don't even know. This isn't just an mcyt specific fandom problem.
Because why I'm making this post is I feel like something needs to be questioned when we throw away our kindness, empathy, ethics, and compassion towards people just because they are any ounce a tiny bit little bit critical of something a cc did. And it would be easy to say the people willing to suibait/send threats/harassment/slurs/etc toward someone over a cc and be happy about it and own it are people who "just don't care and won't change". But I'd like to think they got there somehow you know that they weren't always the kind of person to justify that. And that doesn't mean they deserve anyone's forgiveness, but it does mean I have concern for that person I hope they genuinely get help and feel the full weight of what they've done all for 1 person that doesn't know them.
As always with everything, please add on via rb if want, correct me on anything, and send asks if you wish. Stay kind out there though ❤️
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eroticwound · 20 days
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I love your thoughts on The Bear. Particularly the Berzatto siblings. I was wondering if you could talk about Mikey. And possibly his relationship with Richie. Outside of the internet when I talk to peers about the show people are quick to demonize or dislike Mikey. They cite his behavior with Lee and his taking part in ganging up on Carmy with Donna as reasons why. Also, how Richie was so desperate to get away from the beef.
I would love to hear your opinion about how this could be someone’s impression of Mikey. And how you would describe Mikey to someone who maybe isn’t seeing the whole picture? Or just how you would describe Mikey as a person in general.
And do you think his relationship with Richie was very one sided? Do you think it was always Mikey in the lead? I’ve read some fic that truly makes Mikey terrible to Richie.
Hi anon. Thanks for this incredibly thought out ask. Cannot emphasize enough how much I enjoy getting questions like this :)
Michael Berzatto is a complicated guy and he’s a guy we don’t get a lot of screen time with. That’s by design. He’s the character haunting this narrative. Mikey is the Laura Palmer of The Bear (I have that disease where I see everything through the prism of Twin Peaks), and as such we get to know him mostly through people’s grief. Through their imperfect memories. We’re left missing him just as much as any other character. And while I would love a feature length movie showing Mikey’s last days a la Fire Walk with Me, I very much doubt we will get that. So we’re left to figure out this complicated character with scraps.
For these reasons, I do get why people don't understand Mikey. As you mention, they are literally not given anything close to a whole picture. In fact the screen time we have most with him is during Fishes, when he is quite literally at his worst. If people only saw scenes where Carmen was yelling at people in the kitchen or where Richie was being sexist to Syd, I'm sure they'd have a poor opinion of them as well (in fact, being in this fandom after the first season, I can confirm that most of tumblr disliked Richie).
The healthiest we see Michael is in the Ceres flashback in season 1. He’s exactly how everyone describes him: loud, brash, funny. Both Carmy and Richie are just having the best time, completely immersed in the story he's telling. Even Nat’s having a great time, though both brothers stop her from adding raisins, which is Donna’s recipe for the dish they're making (side note, I find it so interesting that Nat is the one trying to follow their mom’s recipe. She's still trying to please Donna, to garner favor, whereas the boys, who Donna relies on in the kitchen and emotionally, feel fine deviating from Donna’s recipe). Even beyond the Ceres flashback, we do get flashes of what makes Mikey great in Fishes: the opening is him checking in on Natalie, he's really sweet and engaging with Carmen in the pantry, and even though Carmy doesn't take Mikey and Richie trying to set him up with Claire well, it's still proof that Mikey cares.
The thing is Mikey is mentally ill, like Donna and like Carmen. He’s dealing with some sort of chemical imbalance (depression or bipolar) on top of the severe parentification he got from Donna. I talk about it at length in my unfinished series delving into the partentification of the Berzatto siblings. As I point out in those posts, Mikey is actually the sibling getting the worst of the parentification, which is a form of abuse where there is a role-reversal between parent and child. Nat can't morph herself easily to accommodate Donna's dysfunction (she un-normalizes it), so she gets Donna's ire instead. Carmen was also parentified, especially when Mikey was out of the house growing up (they have such an age gap), but Mikey was the oldest. He has high EQ and can morph himself to accommodate Donna's dysfunction. It has in fact shaped him into the person he is. Which is someone who is trying to avoid all of the bad: bad outbursts from Donna, bad feelings from his siblings, bad reactions from outsiders to their family dynamic. He's also trying very hard to avoid the bad emotions he's feeling. Michael is looking to avoid all of this through any means necessary, which includes using alcohol and drugs. As I mention in that parentification meta series, using substances is quite literally the only way he's managing his distress.
I want to talk about each point you mention people citing as to why they don't like Michael. But first, I want to preface it by pointing out that Michael has been forced to move back in with Donna. His failed business ventures and poor mental health have forced him back into this scenario that is NOT GOOD FOR HIM. That scene where Cousin Michelle says to Carm that it's not good for him to be in this environment? Well, it's not good for any of the Berzatto siblings. And throughout the episode, you can tell how exhausted Mikey is by it. By having to fulfill his role as Donna's pseudo-partner.
So let's start with Michael and Donna ganging up on Carmen in the kitchen. When Donna and Mikey do this they are functioning as a parental unit. This is the perfect example of Mikey's parentification at work, of Michael acting as Donna's partner. It's what he's been trained to do to maintain the delicate ecosystem of that house. Donna's emotional state is given top priority. Everyone else's emotions fall to the wayside in light of what she's feeling, otherwise you get fallout like her crashing her car into the house. Mikey talks to Nat about this at the start of the episode:
What do you think she's at right now? A 4? A 5? She's not at a 6.
The siblings literally have a rating system for Donna's moods. They're all trying to avoid escalation above all else. Michael in particular. So in that scene with Carm in the kitchen, Mikey is trying to keep things from escalating. This is something Carmen knows too—hell, it's the first thing Carmen asks Mikey to do in Fishes:
Hey Mikey can you come inside and be you for a little bit, I don't know how to deal with these people.
Carmy needs Michael to come fill his role of buffer between guests and their family. Carmy, notably, gets Donna duty—a role I'm sure Mikey filled before Carmen came along. I say this based on Donna calling Carmen "Michael" when he's trying to coax her to the dinner table at the end of the episode. She's implying talking to her like this is what Michael does. When the people you know irl cite this moment, unfortunately this is the rebuttal: this is Mikey's role. Donna needs his emotional support. Otherwise she'd be more abusive towards Nat and Carm. Michael is doing it for the greater good.
As for Lee, that's another great example of soooo much being implied. Lee, along with Cicero, were best friends with their father, and it is heavily implied that Lee and Donna had a fling or two after their dad fucks off (whether Mr. Berzatto is dead or a deadbeat, who’s to say?). When Lee is helping Donna clean shit off the floor, Mikey grabs a beer from the fridge and asks if they are "doing this again." Basically, Lee and Donna have been romantic before. This means Lee would have been around erratically growing up. And it's clear Michael and Lee have a historic antagonism because of this. Lee's first interaction with Michael in the episode has him threatening to "lay [Michael] out." This screams to me that Lee stepped into the man of the house role, and that Mikey and him had altercations that got physically violent. That's why Mikey says at the dinner table, "I can throw forks cuz this is my father's house." That feels very much like something a kid would say to a man who is trying to replace a missing father. And it's especially heated, because it is Michael who has had to consistently step into the man of the house role for Donna and for his siblings! Michael couldn't leave like Lee when Donna and him broke up. Living with Donna and keeping his siblings ok is daily life for Michael.
So all through the episode, Lee is poking a bear (Mikey Bear to be exact). Lee calls him out about telling the same old stories, embarrasses him in front of everyone by revealing he's borrowed money from Cicero and had to move back in with Donna. Lee has been explicitly disrespecting him. And maybe if Mikey was in a better place, he would have been able to roll with it, but as I mentioned before, Mikey is not in a good place. He's depressed, he's been drinking and taking something (pain pills?) to manage the stress he's under. Him throwing forks is not a lucid reaction. Frankly, if people don't also blame Lee for that outburst, then they really weren't paying attention during the episode.
Finally, onto the Richie portion of your question. Richie’s family is something I would *love* to get more canon info about. All we know is that he's not Italian but Polish, his home life wasn’t great, his dad sucked, and Donna allowed him over so often that he’s practically her fourth child.
Richie and Michael grew up together. They're best friends, practically family. It's why Richie is "cousin." Michael's relationship with Richie is his closest relationship. Everyone says Mikey was their best friend, but Mikey's actual best friend was Richie. Period. And there's some complicated jealousy between Carmen and Richie because of what each is to Michael: Carmy's jealous of Richie and Michael's genuine closeness, and Richie is jealous that Mikey has special regard for Carmen as his actual brother. You see this jealousy in the very first episode of the show during that first walk-in fight: Richie was there for Mikey, buried Mikey and took care of Donna, and yet Mikey left the restaurant to Carmen. Left the money in cans for Carmen, so he could fulfill their dream restaurant together. There's honestly some great fic out there that goes into this jealousy. I'll come back to link it if I can find it.
Bottom line is that Richie was the closest person in Mikey's life. They have the same humor, the same life experiences. They had each other's backs. So when you ask if Richie and Michael's relationship was one-sided, I'm going to answer with a resounding no. They're literally besties. It's just by Fishes, Michael has deteriorated. His depression and drug abuse and failures have shrunk his life. Just compare where they're both at: Michael's moved back in with his mom, is single, and is telling the same old stories from their youth. Richie, on the other hand, might have anxiety (the xanax from Dogs <3), but he's in a stable and loving relationship and has a child on the way. That's why Richie asks Cicero for a job—not to get away from Mikey, but to make more money for his expanding family. And yes, he wants to amount to something more than working at a sandwich shop, but hell, so does Mikey. Neither of them want that for the rest of their lives. It's why Michael tried other business ventures. They fail, so he's stuck at The Beef. But it's a weight around his neck bringing him down. He says as much to Carmen when they're in the pantry:
Yeah but the place is no good, Carmy. It's a fucking nightmare. Like trust me I'm doing you a favor.
He even tries to set it on fire for the insurance money! Only Carmen sees the potential.
As for whether it was always Mikey taking the lead, I do think there's some merit to that. Mikey is talked about as more charming than Richie. You see it in Ceres when the edit compares Mikey telling the Bill Murray story to Richie telling the Bill Murray story to his date. Mikey is loud and funny and can "dial a room." Richie can too, but I think Mikey has more finesse. Still, they rely on each other. They back each other up. Michael would hook people with the stories, and Richie would embellish and inject at the right points or reel Mikey in when needed. They supported each other and worked together. I think any fic you might be reading that's demonizing Michael isn't accurate to his character and is actually falling into a pretty common fic trope: if the focus is Character A, then a fic author will cast Character B as the villain in order to serve whatever they're writing, twisting and embellishing the traits of Character B until they’re barely recognizable. Could Mikey be dismissive and hard to contain? Sure, but I don't think that means he didn't love Richie, or was undemonstrative with his affections. Even when Michael was out of it on drugs, they still had a very close relationship—Richie says so. In fact, everything Richie says about Michael supports this. I see zero support in canon for their relationship being one-sided. I'll say it again, they loved each other.
So this is how I would describe Mikey: loud, funny, obnoxious. He could dial a room. He cared deeply for his family, friends, and employees. He suffered parentification and has some sort of chemical imbalance. In fact, because he was charming and loud and funny, people could ignore his deterioration. Even Richie says, "he was Mikey Bear! I thought he'd come out of it," because he was able to come out of it up to that point. But after decades of not treating the problem, the only solution Michael could see was killing himself. He's a complicated character. He's a tragic character. He's the Laura Palmer of The Bear.
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rontra · 1 month
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I have never played persona so I wasn't sure if I would understand your failteacher comics but I just looked up the characters for a little bit of context and I'm 👀👀👀👀 at it now xD
Without being too spoiler-y, why would you say they'd have a messy relationship? (Besides the fact of Becky taking advantage of her client's loneliness)
HAHAHA yea i think the like dramatic irony enjoyment of knowing (even just roughly) what's going on with becky is very strong so good on you there (obviously toriumi has no idea what's going on with her and becky is doing her best to Handle It, but it contextualizes her behavior for Us...<3)
it's yummy isnt it... its yummy
anyway, the rest of this very long post is just me analyzing a fictional situation i myself engineered, so if that sounds boring please dont click the Read More LMFAO <- cursed to put a lot of thought into Character Stuff
basically they have great potential for mess, which they're Currently keeping a lid on, but would exponentially increase with time. teehee.
as for what WILL happen, im not spoiling anything concrete of course… (winks at the Knowers who already know my Vision….
well, this AU isn't ever going to devolve into a "super destructive toxic nightmare" mess or anything, just to get our working definitions of 'mess' sorted out at the top of the post. not this time. atm (as of comic #3) it's shaping up more like a "this seems . inadvisable and absolutely Don't Try This At Home, but i guess it won't…kill you" mess (LMAO)
to assess their situation at present… there is one half who wants money (and can't ever make enough of it to satisfy her extortionists), and one half who wants intimacy (and is scared and unable to get it on her own). on its exterior face, it's simply a lonely person hiring a professional to keep them company, which is a fairly common thing n not rly super noteworthy; the parentheticals are what make things a bit uh thorny for these characters
the "problem" here is not the transaction itself; they're both willing to supply their half of the trade just fine, and neither party is doing anything wrong by engaging in it. but for these two specifically, there is also a mutual willingness to bend the rules of their transaction—because they're both cornered in some way, and desperate for what the other one is offering to trade
to elaborate on "rules", i mean, first and foremost, that their relationship is not "real"—these people Don't know each other personally and intimately, and they're Not Supposed To. their relationship should never be "real"; they're not friends! (or lovers, for that matter!) they're in a conditional exchange of money for services. right now, these characters are participating in and maintaining a kayfabe; they should operate under a tacit understanding that A) this is not real, B) they both fully know it's not real, and C) following the script is the comfortable way to get what they both want without causing undue risk to either party. creating and then maintaining a fake "reality" together is regulated by a contract between them, and it ends when their booked time ends (and not a minute over time!)
but to return to the earlier point, they're also both cornered and desperate, which drives them both to go beyond what might be considered appropriate. i think this is compelling; it's probably unnecessary of me to add this paragraph but i want to underline (just in case) that i don't think either of them is like "at fault" or w/e (there is no "villain" between them). they're showing Signs Of Mess that could snowball into something much more messy, but it's not something they're doing to hurt each other; they're making decisions based on skewed risk/reward estimations that might not be healthy, and could realistically have harmful consequences for both parties, but they're not, like, Evil (lol). two women getting wrapped up in each other's personal graveyard spirals…it's yuri, isn't it?
with that squared away, and putting it plainly;
toriumi should not be asking her to "break character" when the character itself is what she's paying for; this nudging of their little kayfabe, if indulged, could easily snowball and erode the professional boundaries between them (what she calls "distance" in #3). she is paying 'becky' to 'be here' (paying kawakami to conjure 'becky' into existence by pretending to be her), but she isn't really being mindful of the type of role that this necessarily demands of her in turn. the built-in emotional walls between them are there to protect both of them, but she doesn't fully respect them (despite instinctively sensing their protection in how "safe" becky feels to her). in the end, toriumi is bad at "staying in character" herself, and she can't help but try to root out the actual person behind the mask—despite the fact that no one wants this erosion to happen! possible dire consequences for her wallet aside, losing sight of the line between "transaction" and "investment" (pardon the pun) is a one-way ticket to a very messy place where one or both of them is likely to get hurt...
on the other end, and not helping the situation at all, kawakami identified toriumi as a soft target pretty much immediately, and is actively trying to elicit sympathy and endear herself to her (she is being quite choosy about what vulnerabilities she "lets slip" in #2) in order to make her keep booking and paying. of course some amount of "salesmanship" is part of the job—#grindset always be plugging smash that like button comment n subscribe—but the major difference here is that she's overtly attempting to foster in her client the exact kind of dependency/personal attachment she should be discouraging (for, frankly, both of their safety). like not only is she out fishing to get toriumi hook line and sinker on purpose, but it's also alarmingly reckless behavior on kawakami's part; there's a lack of regard for her own wellbeing involved here on top of it all. again, a messy place where someone, maybe everyone, gets hurt in the end
crucially though, as comic #3 finishes setting up, they're both willing to endure these shenanigans from the other half. at this stage, toriumi does realize that kawakami has her unilaterally wrapped around her finger, and nonetheless agrees that she'll call her again; while kawakami knows very well how this kayfabe is supposed to work, but is indulgent (even rewarding) towards toriumi for her clumsiness. that mutual willingness to keep playing this game would—if the AU continued on these tracks uninterrupted—probably compound until the situation they've made becomes super confusing and unclear for them emotionally...
of course "taking advantage" is sort of a loaded phrase colloquially… but i would say in many ways they are "taking advantage" of each other, yea. the "we both benefit, so it's okay" logic was already vaguely raised as justification in #3; if elaborated a bit with the above in mind, their situation is one where "even if they're both overstepping what is considered appropriate for their arrangement, they've also both decided the benefits outweigh the costs by a wide enough margin to make it worthwhile"
it's got the marks of a sort of symbiotic relationship... their individual motivations for being involved w each other are totally unrelated (cue the "hold on, does. kawakami even like women???" question), but they both feel they benefit enough towards their priority goals to be OK with the other one taking something "less valuable" from them (toriumi even calls out the “sales pitch” becky is doing in #2, but ultimately decides that’s fine because she’s willing to buy). i think each and every moving part here has great capacity to go "too far" and ruin things (perhaps even causing Severe damage in the collapse), but if the situation were to continue in this same rhythm, without that kind of dramatic change, i would say "they're both evaluating the scenario with their own personal goals in mind, and are extracting what they want from one another relatively(?) peacefully(??)". like it might ultimately be a selfish game but they're adults they'll figure it out probably idk its none of my business what they choose to get up to. wouldn't get into that type of shit myself though LOL
women are playing kind of dangerous games with each other but i forgive them because it's interesting to rotate in my mind...<3
another thorn to consider for their future bonding endeavors from here on ofc is that without being "cornered" the way they are, they would not be running this type of "risk math" in the first place. it's hard for either of them to fully back away at this point because they're already cornered in their personal lives; toriumi is incredibly isolated and lonely with a pretty insecure lifestyle even when she's NOT actively sawing through the branch she's sitting on, and kawakami famously MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, NEEDS A LOT OF MONEY RIGHT NOW because she's being extorted by an unrelated third party. looking ahead it does kind of start to look like an ouroboros of "taking advantage of each other" bc it's hard for both of them to leave their individual situations; it's kind of like, if they weren't here with each other they'd be ... well, they'd be here—just with someone else...
they didn't put each other in this jam—it was unrelated personal circumstances and sheer coincidence that pushed them together—but now that they've committed to each other, it's hard to reverse back out, if that makes sense. i think that kind of thing is interesting too, because it makes me want to see them recognize this, connect, and help each other pull out of their Greater individual personal messes. you know? we can make it if we try... just the two of us... 😔
(unfortunately step 1 of that is ofc to make a genuine personal bond that isn't wrapped up in all this for-pay roleplay stuff. drat!)
tl;dr they're both simmering under high pressure and don't try this at home, but they do already have a sort of tacit agreement forming that this level of messy play is OK between them—as long as the rewards continue to outweigh the risks. at the end of the day, it's a delicate balance ultimately hinging on a money-for-services transaction, so if either of them stopped feeling like paying their half was worth it, it would rapidly come apart. i guess it's kinda like the ways you can tell if animals are genuinely beefing or just playing rough—are they willingly coming back? 💀 ...
no lmao where's that post thats like "this would be terrible if it was anyone else, but considering the people involved this is actually the best option" HRBHJDJG that's kind of how it feels. like if they're gonna be stuck with Somebody (and they would be), its probably good luck that they got Each Other. at least the narrative can sustain the balance of this one and maybe even solve it down the line. heart
to round this post off i would say if i had to nominate one of them, kawakami is probably the most "in control" atm—since she figured out very quickly that she was dealing with an easy mark and moved in to make her a regular customer (quite successfully i might add per the end of #3 lmaoo). i think that's been kinda fun, since in her SLink she's immediately on the back foot due to being unmasked by the inciting incident. we know she will lie and attempt to play to the listener's sympathy, so unleashing her with her Mask Still On has been fun 😭 for her part, toriumi is not only taken with the funny maid (& emotionally invested in her IRL situation to boot), but also very clumsily trying to obtain something she's scared to have, which makes her very impulsive/erratic in her rulebreaking compared to kawakami's much more intentional plays...
play of the game 🧹 (<- there's no maid emoji idk its housekeeping)
of course, my future plans will immediately jostle this entire dynamic into something else and make this whole post obsolete, but i don't wanna lay that out ahead of time. smiles.
anyway, otome dissection on the playlist or whatever
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carolina-star · 2 years
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Finally I have draw the moment where Anakin and Padmé meet.
Now some lore, information, I'm not sure of the term.
Warnings before anything; warning 1, I'm going to destroy the English language, and I'm so sorry for that. Really. Waring 2, I don't have any medical studies, so I could (and probably will) be wrong about this, and I'm going to apologize in advance. Please feel free to correct me. I don't want to offend anybody with my ignorance, never has been my intention. Waring 3, this contain heavy themes that may be hard for some people, please read with precautions.
And now, let's begin:
In this AU (and probably in the Canon too) Anakin has borderline personality disorder (BPD) which is linked to other things like anxiety and depression or PTSD. BPD is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to regulate their emotions, which mean that they may experience intense mood swings and also tend to view things in extremes. Like they can love some person to the moon and back in the morning and one hour later hate that person with all their bowels. They also may act impulsively or recklessly. Usually BPD is diagnosed in late adolescence or early adulthood and sometimes the professionals will struggle to find the diagnosis, they usually will go through discharge other mental illnesses.
So, coming back to the storyline, Shmi is engaged or about to married with Cliegg Lars, which trigger Anakin unknown BPD. This lead to a very dangerous and erratic behavior, which his love one and himself. He try to destroy his relationship at the same time that he clings desperately to them and start to do Impulsive and very dangerous behaviors. He's spinning out of control and Shmi and Obi-Wan are heartbroken because the don't know what's is happening or how help Anakin. All this stuff lead Anakin to a self harming behavior and a really stressful, delicate and agony time for everyone.
During this time is when Anakin is diagnosed with BPD. He has been struggling with this new knowledge but is starting to accept it. He's also trying to forgive himself for his last behaviors because he didn't want to hurt his mom or Obi-Wan, he really said bad words to them and he didn't want to said anything of that at all. So he's starting to accept the help for doctor Bant Eerin, Anakin is taking treatment and therapy. But everything is recent.
So where are in this delicate and fragile point where Anakin has been diagnosed and Shmi and Obi-Wan are sick of worry every time they don't know where Anakin is. That's the reason why Obi-Wan is at the edge of a nervous collapse, and the reason why they both looked so scruffy. So after pick up Anakin and Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan will explain everything to Qui-Gon, because he doesn't know anything yet about Anakin diagnosis.
In a brilliant note, because all this post is heavy, Anakin will do great in the future. And it's going to be really funny when Padmé discovered that she's in love with a 19 years old boy and have a panic attack. While Obi-Wan is relatively happy thinking that Anakin has falling in love with a girl a couple of years older that him, I mean, what are 3 or 4 years more? It's going to be funny when they discover it too. Anakin by the way don't care about the age difference, Padmé is the love of his life and point.
Modern AU Masterlist
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shirzan140102 · 6 months
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Mahsa Amini: One Year Later
I don't know if this post will have any value. Since I wasn't on here in a long time, I don't know if other users have already posted about this matter. Even if I'm the first person to write about these matters, I expect that I'll hardly get any interaction with this post as usual... which fucking sucks when the goal raising as much awareness as possible and finding more supporters. But I'll still say what I have to say, because it's important. As a heads-up, this post is on the longer side, but please read it in its entirety and reblog it so that as many people as possible can read it. I promise that it's worth it.
This past year has been marked by protests - which contrary to what you might have been led to believe, never actually ended - thousands of protesters being arrested, hundreds of innocent people randomly being killed, countless protesters losing an eye after being shot at by regime forces, a record high number of executions, stronger repression (especially of ethnic and religious minorities), schoolgirls being poisoned simply for wanting an education, several... interesting... scandals of Islamic Republic officials, desperate efforts by Iranian diaspora and opposition leaders to get the help of Western governments and organizations, and meaningless, hollow gestures and statements from these governments and organizations. But what's changed since last year when people first took to the streets? Everything and yet, nothing.
Even if the protests decreased in frequency, many people have engaged in acts of civil disobedience. The people of Iran have become much harder to contain for many reasons, and the Islamic Republic is scared. They may have the resources for violent suppression, but they know they're losing when it comes to numbers and determination. On top of that, more and more cracks are starting to appear and grow in their seemingly strong and impenetrable system. Every move they make is destined to be met with backlash and to backfire on them somehow. By all accounts, the conditions are there for this to be the beginning of its end. So, then, what's preventing the people of Iran from delivering the final blow?
Well, there are two main obstacles on the path to victory:
The people of Iran aren't armed. Without weapons, it's impossible to push through. If lower ranks in the military can somehow be won over, of course, then that'll give a much-needed boost.
Western governments, organizations, and media.
I'll spend most of the remainder of this post elaborating on point 2.
Now, allow me to preface this by saying that I'm a Democrat/liberal. My views align with the Democratic Party's platform, and, at times, I even think it's not strong enough to address certain issues. I also want to make it clear that although I'm referring to the regime in Iran by its name (i.e., the Islamic Republic), it's solely with the purpose of distinguishing it from the people of Iran; my intent is not to disrespect or even criticize Islam (or any other religion for that matter). (In fact, like many, I believe that the Islamic Republic is an affront to Islam.) In short, this post is not being written in bad faith or with the intent to cause trouble. I just want everyone to understand where I'm coming from and my mentality in trying to expose some things.
Also, while I haven't had the chance to provide links to sources because it'd take too much time to find all of them once again, I strongly encourage you all to Google the contents of this post on your own to verify my claims.
Contradictory Actions and Complacency
Ever since the beginning of the revolution last year, the behaviors of the Western governments and organizations have been very contradictory. While they claim to be horrified at the atrocities taking place in Iran, they have hardly changed their approach to dealing with the Islamic Republic and have even, at times, taken steps that actually benefit them. These actions make no sense.
Take the strange politics of the UN, for example. Last December, in an unprecedented move, the Islamic Republic was expelled from the UN Commission on the Status of Women as an alleged show of solidarity with the revolution, but now, it's been announced that a representative of the Islamic Republic will chair the 2023 United Nations Human Rights Council (UNHRC) Social Forum this coming November. Let it sink in: 11 months after being punished for violating the rights of women, Iran will be taking on a prominent position in discussions about human rights. On top of that, they allowed the Islamic Republic to host an exhibition about the history of clothing in Iran (or something like that), which just gave them another platform to completely misrepresent everything going on. They had an opportunity to completely rewrite history (i.e., spread the falsehood that women in Iran have always worn the hijab or analogous clothing) and, in turn, minimize one aspect of the revolution.
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In addition to all of this, the UN's so-called fact-finding mission on the human rights abuses in Iran has hardly been better than a joke. From asking regular people to send evidence of these abuses (even though they can be easily found on any social media network or news site) and having a very lax schedule for meetings (even though time is of the essence when many lives are at stake), it's clear that they do not take their mandate seriously. Now, in all fairness, I understand the need for concrete, valid evidence, especially when dealing with something as serious as crimes against humanity, but this approach just borders on nonchalance. This is just reinforced by their social media activity. Take this tweet from about 4 months ago as an example:
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The wording of the tweet (ALLEGED?!?! human rights violations) and simply saying they're "deeply alarmed" do not indicate genuine concern or sympathy. It does not show any willingness to work faster to bring the regime to justice for its many crimes as soon as possible and, thus, give the people of Iran some long overdue justice. It's hard to think of this "fact-finding mission" as anything more than just a superficial formality. Its clear that they are content to let the Islamic Republic continue its reign of terror with impunity.
The actions of the US, the UK, the EU, and individual EU member countries similarly belie their supposed concerns and expressions of solidarity with the people of Iran. The most notable example of this is the failure of the UK and EU to add the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) to their respective terrorist lists (also known as proscribing it). It is odd that despite many alleged concerns about the dangers posed by the Islamic Republic, the parliament of the UK still hasn't moved to take the one very powerful course of action (i.e., proscribing the IRGC) that would help address this matter (and also help further weaken the Islamic Republic, thereby allowing the revolution to succeed). In fact, James Cleverly - the current Foreign Secretary of the UK - recently claimed [not-so-cleverly] that they haven't proscribed the IRGC, because it's not yet in the UK's interest. Let's just reflect on the absurdity of this statement: Cleverly's claiming that it ISN'T in the UK's interest to protect its own citizens from credible threats from the IR, although they acknowledge their existence. One has to wonder what interests would make the UK drag its feet on taking strong, decisive action despite these valid concerns (and despite it being the right thing to also do for the people of Iran). (I'll talk about the problem with the EU later in the post.)
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Despite the acknowledgement that the Islamic Republic is a threat to its own people and other countries, the US, the UK, the EU, individual EU member countries, and Canada are happy to let the Islamic Republic act as it pleases in their countries. Regime agents notorious for horrific crimes against humanity are allowed to freely wander around in the US and Canada, and at times, they are even rewarded with positions of power that can continue to affect relations with Iran in ways that benefit the Islamic Republic. Oberlin College and Princeton University have hired two such criminals as professors, and despite strong backlash, they have done nothing to remedy this. (In fact, Oberlin claims that it conducted an internal investigation and concluded that there was no such issue. Yes, really...) Several institutions in the US and the UK (including THE Cambridge University) were exposed to be collaborating with institutions in the Islamic Republic. (The case of Cambridge University is the most egregious, since it has helped with the drones that Russia has used to attack Ukraine.) Many people have called attention to the fact that so-called Islamic Centers built by the Islamic Republic throughout Canada and Europe are actually places for espionage and radicalization, not for practicing religion and building religious community, and yet, to the best of my knowledge, only a few have been closed by now. (It was recently exposed that similar institutions have also been built in 4 US states, and I don't believe this matter has been properly addressed yet.)
Regime officials are essentially given warm welcomes to these countries. Recently, the same Princeton professor whom I briefly discussed above was given an opportunity to speak at USSTRATCOM. President Raisi is due to speak at the UN this coming Tuesday. Besides all this, the children and relatives of people affiliated with the regime live the most luxurious lives at the expense of the people of Iran. Rather than respecting the teachings of Islam and showing the same modesty that their relatives preach at home, life is one never-ending party for them here in the West. Mahsa Amini was brutalized to the point of death because of her allegedly improper hijab, but the daughters of these people proudly show on social media that they are wearing the most revealing clothes and drinking the best alcohol money can buy. (The regime's problems with financial corruption are best saved for another post.)
Another side of the problem is that many companies based in the West happily do business with or somehow involve people with ties to the regime in their ventures. Recently, it was revealed that the German company Bosch supplied the Islamic Republic with spy technology that's been used to target protesters. It has also been revealed that a major reason why the voices of protesters are often suppressed on social media is that people affiliated with the regime have ties to the groups or companies dealing with their content moderation/enforcement; with the ability to control who can post and how much, they can easily bury the voices of revolutionaries. And yet, none of these companies have taken responsibility for this, nor have western governments done anyhing to hold these companies accountable.
And now, let's talk about the most recent development between the US and the Islamic Republic and why it's nothing to celebrate, contrary to what many Democratic/liberal influencers would want you to believe. It was recently announced that the US would release $6 billion in frozen assets to the Islamic Republic in a prisoner exchange in which both governments would free 5 prisoners. Qatar would be responsible for overseeing the disbursement and use of the freed-up money to ensure that it's only used for humanitarian purposes. The problem is, however, that besides being a totally nonreciprocal deal (they get money and 5 people while the US only gets 5 people):
Qatar, in addition to having its own problems with human rights abuses, has been shown to be in the league wit. the Islamic Republic. For instance, at the behest of the Islamic Republic, they barred protesters from wearing or bringing anything related to the revolution in the stadium at last year's FIFA World Cup. Now, I can already anticipate some responses to the effect that they were just trying to keep the match apolitical, but that's simply not the case, as evidenced by the fact that people were allowed to protest for Palestine without any problem. (This isn't a dig at Palestine, btw; I'm simply pointing out the double standard.) With Qatar doing the Islamic Republic's bidding, who's to say that they will honestly report why any money has been released and make sure that it has been used for the declared reasons?
Money is fungible. Assuming that the $6 billion that's been freed up will be used for humanitarian purposes, the Islamic Republic has an additional $6 billion at its disposal that can be used for anything, including getting extra equipment for suppressing protests... or providing Russia with more supplies with which to terrorize Ukraine.
The prisoners being released allegedly aren't actually prisoners, but rather agents of the Islamic Republic who are based in America. (Read this article about the family of Siamak Namazi, one of the prisoners who's due to return home.) The fact is that the Islamic Republic has dominated the Iranian/Iranian-American lobby here in the US, most notably through the National Iranian American Council (NIAC). Any activism from these groups or people affiliated with them often ends up repeating regime talking points and pushing for policies that will benefit the regime. (While it's beyond the scope of this post, just know that NIAC, the Quincy Institute, and J Street should all be avoided. Anyone affiliated with any of these groups or repeating their talking points is bad news.)
Not all US nationals have been freed, and the Biden administration is lying about it. By law, all US nationals (both citizens and permanent residents) should receive the US government's protection in hostage/prisoner exchange situations. One of the prisoners left behind is Jamshid "Jimmy" Sharmahd, who has unfairly been sentenced to death and can be executed at any moment. (More on this later.)
Many Iranian-Americans have pointed out that this goes against the philosophy of not negotiating with terrorists. All this does is encourage further hostage diplomacy, which only benefits the Islamic Republic and allows it to stay in power. Several officials from the Islamic Republic are on camera promoting this as a business model of sorts. In fact, as luck would have it, before these "prisoners" have even been cleared to return to America, more prisoners with ties to the West have already been kidnapped.
While we'll only know in hindsight the reason for this deal, it's likely that this is part of an attempt to return to the JCPOA or to replace it with a similar agreement. Biden's secrecy and use of flimsy technicalities have made these acts a violation of INARA. (Yes, the Republicans are actually correct here.) Ultimately, this would continue to legitimize the Islamic Republic and help it remain in power, and it would be free to do as it pleases, which means that it can oppress the people of Iran even more brutally and continue to embed itself in other countries (see the Tanzania espionage incident). (There's some speculation that this is some sort of money laundering scheme with some financial benefits for Biden, and while I can't speak to that, one must also consider this possibility.)
In general, the Biden administration has been more lenient in enforcing sanctions, which has allowed the Islamic Republic to get away with things that normally should not slide under these policies. He's renewed sanction waivers. (Yes, the Republicans, sadly, are correct here, too.) One can only speculate at the desired outcomes for such dealings, but it will not be pretty for anyone anywhere in the world. (Yes, this will come to have worldwide consequences.)
Ultimately, from all of these instances, it's possible to glean the extent of the hypocrisy and betrayal on the part of these Western countries and groups. If anything, one can make the case that these governments want to keep the Islamic Republic in power, and the people of Iran are completely alone in this revolution.
New Friends from Unexpected Places
As I stated at the beginning of this post, I'm a lifelong Democrat. Their platform appealed to me for being progressive and for purportedly advocating for human rights. However, several events since the beginning of the Biden administration already made me wary of them (namely the disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan) and alert to a more problematic side of them, and these dealings with Iran collectively became the breaking point for me. Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to become a Republican, but I no longer want to associate myself with them and support them. At this point, I'm a politically homeless liberal, and I currently believe that rather than going by party and platform and voting, I'm better off fighting for issues on an individual basis.
With all of that having been said, for once, I actually have to say that the Republicans have been on the right side of history. They're the ones actually trying to hold President Biden accountable for going about things the wrong way. I've even called several of their offices to bring up my concerns about his actions, and they were completely lovely and understanding. In addition to this, Republicans brought the MAHSA Act to the House floor. Again, this doesn't mean I'm a Republican, since I take issue with essentially the rest of their positions, but this whole case has renewed my faith in bipartisanship. I believe in complete fairness, and that means whoever resorts to underhanded methods to achieve their goals, even if we have the same beliefs, should be held accountable, just like that means anyone who does the right things needs to have their good deeds acknowledged, even if we are normally at odds with one another.
Suffice it to say, this whole ideal has left me disillusioned with the Democratic party, and I now have no place in the American political system - at least for the foreseeable future. Many other Iranian-Americans who lean left seem to share in this sentiment.
A Mini-Burn Book
There are many people who deserve to be called out, and I could honestly write a novel detailing everything they've done wrong, but I'll format my grievances with them as a brief list for brevity. In addition to the individuals and groups I've named throughout this post and the Islamic Republic, the following individuals need to be especially called out:
President Carter - For his role in helping the Islamic Republic come to power and in so doing doomed not only the people of Iran but also the people of America and arguably even the whole world. (Yes, really. While it's really complex, there's quite a bit of evidence out there supporting this. And I'll be happy to elaborate on my claim that his failures as a president have effectively doomed the entire world.)
President Obama - For originating the JCPOA and, by his own admission, not standing by the Green movement in 2009 to help the people of Iran get their freedom back then.
Robert Malley - The allegedly former Special Envoy to Iran. He clearly has ties to the Islamic Republic, and his son allegedly has ties to NIAC. When it was announced that he had been suspended from his position for accessing sensitive information despite having his security clearance revoked, the Tehran Times, a state-run paper in Iran, had suspiciously way too much information about the circumstances surrounding his ouster from his position. They also had access to documents that allegedly pertained to this problem. (These documents have yet to be authenticated, but they're suspiciously convincing.) Despite this controversy, he has managed to gain employment at Princeton University and some engagements at Yale University.
Princeton University - Not only for its questionable hiring decisions, but also for allowing two of its graduate students to be kidnapped by the Islamic Republic and showing no concern for them beyond a few empty statements that were clearly written begrudingly. (They also have yet to address everyone's complaints about these problematic employees.)
Josep Borrell - High Representative of the European Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy. He's clearly in the Islamic Republic's pocket. He has sabotaged attempts to proscribe the IRGC with some bullshit technicalities. It's on record that before some major events, such as the votes to proscribe the IRGC, he was on the phone with the Foreign Minister of the Islamic Republic to provide some reassurance. He's also an example of someone who mischaracterizes the revolution and deliberately wants to help the Islamic Republic stay in power. In a tweet from a few days ago about the one-year anniversary of Mahsa Amini's death, he talked about making Iran change its behavior... Take note: The people of Iran are openly calling for revolution, not reform, and the Islamic Republic has proven time and time again that it has no intention of changing its behavior. However, Borrell's put it in these terms, completely disregarding what we Iranians want and effectively insulting all the death and trauma that people have suffered in the fight for their freedom and dignity.
Antony Blinken, John Kirby, Matthew Miller, Vedant Patel - For their lies and equivocations. While I can't exactly remember who said what, they all have shown the same dishonesty and nonchalance towards the people of America and the people of Iran. Between the four of them, they have denied knowing about Jamshid Sharmahd and another US national excluded from the upcoming prisoner exchange, dismissed Jamshid Sharmahd as Germany's concern (due to his also having German citizenship) and not America's (though as a legal resident, he is indeed also America's concern), justified the deal as being the only way to get what Biden wants, and when pressed about the prospect of the Islamic Republic using the released money for something other than humanitarian purposes - President Raisi openly claimed in his recent interview with Lester Holt that they are free to do whatever they want with the money. - flippantly saying they don't want to speculate.
Senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut - For disrespectfully attacking Iranian-Americans who simply were sharing their concerns. He's thrown temper tantrums on Twitter when talking about this prisoner exchange that are completely unbefitting of his position, accused us of being "Iran hawks," and claimed that any criticisms about the deal are unfair, bad faith attacks against President Biden. (No, sir, we just want what's best for both of our countries.) It's been said that he's secretly met with NIAC and thus may be under the regime's influence, which is completely credible, considering his demeanor.
Everyone from NIAC and other IR-affiliated lobbying groups, but especially Barbara Slavin - In addition to whitewashing the regime's crimes, a video from a meeting earlier this year emerged with Slavin proposing a course of action that is very, very close to the final prisoner exchange deal we're seeing now. Years ago, she had the gall to callously flip off people protesting an event featuring a regime official. Overally, Slavin seems to be oddly enamored of the Islamic Republic.
The New York Times - For disregarding people's concerns that some of their Iranian writers (i.e., Negar Mortazavi and Farnaz Fassihi) are affiliated with the Islamic Republic. Previously, they dismissed people's concerns about these individuals' employment as racist, bad faith attacks against these writers. Last year, they falsely reported that the "morality police" in Iran had been disbanded and to this day haven't retracted or apologized for this, despite pressure from Iranian-Americans.
NPR - For having a presenter/host (Mary Louise Kelly) who's also clearly a regime puppet and allowing her to bring other NIAC/NIAC-adjacent people (including Robert Malley) on her show. Several months ago, after the protests had already started, she randomly shared a picture of peanut butter she found in a store in Tehran on her social media in a clear stunt to distract from what's really going on. With this stupid, childish post, she pretty much said, "Yes, people are dying in the streets fighting for freedom and being raped and tortured in prison, but hey, look, peanut butter!"
Various social media companies (including Tumblr) - For not listening to us when we talk about how are voices are being suppressed and allowing it to continue to happen and for not giving us the attention we deserve. (@staff, Iran deserves to be on the "Things We Care About" page!)
Celebrities and show-off activists - For only making posts or stories to claim that they care and act like they're good people and then quickly moving on with their lives. I get that compassion fatigue is a thing and that you can't go too deep into everything, but the speed with which they forgot is most likely due to them only putting up appearances. I'm sorry, but there's no way most celebrities don't know a single person of Iranian descent when they live in a place with a large Iranian-American population (i.e., Los Angeles) and, in turn, haven't heard some additional things about what's going on in Iran from these acquaintances (or maybe even friends).
There are probably plenty of people whom I've forgotten, but these are the worst offenders at the moment, imo. In particular, there's a congressman whose name I've forgotten who had the gall to dismiss Iranian-American activists because they're "being too emotional." (Yes, in the year 2023, a man actually dared say this to someone affiliated with a movement that started with women.)
The Role of the Media
The media has also played a huge role in suppressing news of what's going on in Iran. For instance, tonight's episode of NBC Nightly News did not mention that today was the one-year anniversary of Mahsa Amini's death. Media attention waned after the first few weeks of protests, and it's very, very rare to see any mention of Iran on tv nowadays. I understand that there are still plenty of online articles and think pieces, but discussing these major issues on televised news or in primetime tv programs is a very effective way of raising awareness. And we're being deprived of that.
When someone is brought to comment on something related to Iran, it's highly likely that they are affiliated with the regime (i.e., have ties to NIAC), and it's very rare to see legitimate opposition leaders have an opportunity to set the record straight. Even in these cases, there's no guarantee that their story will be given the attention it deserves. Going back to the horrible prisoner exchange deal, Ghazale "Gazelle" Sharmahd, Jamshid Sharmahd's daughter, has been doing everything she can to bring attention to her father's situation and save his life. She recently shared that at a sit in with the families of other "prisoners," she managed to finally get interviewed by MSNBC of all networks, but her story never made it to the final cut. Only the material with the families of "rescued" prisoners (i.e., people who probably have ties to the Islamic Republic) were broadcast.
Now, I'm not saying that we live in a country where our news is 100% controlled by the government. We fortunately have nowhere near the amount of issues they do in Iran, Russia, or North Korea with state-sponsored media, propaganda, and information control. However, it is very suspicious that only certain voices are being promoted over others and that certain things are overlooked or misrepresented. There's no way that media outlets haven't gotten tips from Iranian-Americans; people have been so active and vocal that they've certainly heard our concerns. One is left to conclude that there is something or someone controlling how certain narratives are told. (This also explains the prevalence of the fake-intellectual history about the 1953 "coup" and why hardly anyone believes that America, France, and the UK had a role in the 1979 revolution, although the evidence is there.) While I agree with a lot of criticisms against them, I still think it's very interesting that Project Veritas managed to get believable behind-the-scenes footage of an ABC employee complaining about how they knew about Prince Andrew's relationship with Jeffrey Epstein years before the story broke but they were prevented from exposing it by the royal family. If this footage is legit, it definitely hints at a shockingly insidious trend of governmental/elite control of the information we receive from the media. I do think we mostly have a free press here - Or, at least, I'd still like to believe that this is the case. - and I don't buy into the Republican narrative about the mainstream media, but there are suspicious signs of interference with the news and facts that are provided to the general public.
Dear Reader
If you've managed to make it this far in this post, thank you for sticking with me. I promise that we've reached the end, but I have a few things that I'd like to leave with you... and a few requests. As I've hopefully made clear throughout this post, the people of Iran are up against insurmountable obstacles due to Western powers ostensibly wanting to keep the Islamic Republic in power. They say all the right things to play the role of the leaders of the free world, but then they take actions that are a slap in the face to all of us fighting for a free Iran. If they keep getting in the way like this, we'll be doomed to live under the shadow of the Islamic Republic forever. In fact, even we diaspora aren't completely safe.
And this is where you, dear reader, come in. When it's just our voices as the minority, it's easy for people in positions of power or with larger platforms to ignore us. However, when people from other groups show up with us, then it'll be harder to disregard what we have to say. And the cool thing is that, in this case, even if you aren't Iranian, this still does concern you too. The Islamic Republic is becoming a worldwide threat, and gradually nobody anywhere will be safe from their clutches. For instance, do you think they won't get around to attacking Israel or the US? I'm not trying to manipulate anyone or exaggerating when I'm saying they're after worldwide domination; it's a fact. They don't care that they're destroying their own people and their own land and that they've tainted the name of Islam. Nothing is sacred to these people except power and their own interests. And there will be a time where you, too, can become their victim. Do NOT let that happen.
This is why I'm assigning non-Iranian people the following action items:
If you live in America, contact your senator and ask them to vote in favor of the MAHSA Act.
If you live in the UK or EU, push your parliament to proscribe the IRGC.
If you live in America, call out President Biden for his actions (most especially the prisoner exchange). This is especially important if you're a Democrat, since any underhanded claims that you're acting in bad faith will have no merit.
Boycott any companies that still do business with the Islamic Republic, and push the governments where their bases of operations are located to punish them.
Hold the media accountable for their selective, biased reporting on matters in Iran. Tell them that you're interested in hearing about Iran and ask them why they haven't discussed it in televised programs much. If it's just Iranian people asking, then they can dismiss it as the interest of a niche group and claim it's of no value to their program, but if a wider demographic argues that there's a need for it, that would arguably put more pressure on them. Also, bring to their attention that certain individuals are NIAC members (or NIAC-adjacent) and that they shouldn't be given a platform. If they do get involved with someone from NIAC (or a NIAC-adjacent group), hold their feet to their fire; make them cut ties with them and issue a retraction and apology.
If you're on stan Twitter or Instagram, nag your fave to post about Iran, especially if they've acknowledged or interacted with you before.
Pressure social media companies to look into the suppression of Iranian voices, especially if you're employed at one of these companies.
Find a way to bring Iran into any discussion as long as it's relevant. If issues such as LGBTQ+ rights or environmental justice are being discussed, for instance, talk about how these matters are under attack in Iran.
Also, if there's any debate about whether someone is affiliated with the Islamic Republic and associated organizations, please follow the lead of Iranians and Iranian-Americans. Take care to not make assumptions on your own, and just help us expose whoever we've identified.
I know this post has been very long, but this is an extremely important issue. Please stand with the people of Iran. We can't do this alone. We can't stand anymore tragedy and destruction, and we want to rebuild and thrive. Amplify our voices and be our friends in our time of need.
Thank you!
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heartbranches · 2 years
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Nick in The Quarry
So I'm seeing a lot of "Nick is an abuser!" "Nick is abusive!" and folks.
Come on.
I'm going to need you to watch these two super beloved Horror movies that I'm sure Supermassive were influenced by. One is David Cronenberg's version of the Fly. It's an extremely well done horror movie about a mild-mannered, shy scientist named Seth Brundle who accidentally combines his DNA with that of a fly and then slowly starts to mutate into a monster. During his transformation, his personality also starts to change, and it's one of the first signs that things are going wrong as he becomes more possessive, violent and aggressive towards his love interest-- hey waitaminute.
The second one is Ginger Snaps, which is a Canadian werewolf horror flick from 2000 where Ginger is a teenage girl who gets attacked and bitten by a werewolf and then over the course of a month leading to the full moon starts to slowly change into a werewolf, culminating in a final horrific transformation. But the earliest signs are her getting …more aggressive, more overtly sexual, more possesive and then more violent.
ARE WE SENSING A PATTERN HERE.
Supermassive is just using Nick as a well-worn and very beloved horror trope of the possessed slowly succumbing to the virus/curse. And we don't see it pop up again in nearly that fashion again because once that trope is done, it's done. We don't need to see it again. The scare factor is gone. Sadly, it leaves us with a plot hole and missed opportunities, but I guess they had to finish the game in a timely fashion and could only give one character that storyline.
There might be other good explanations why the curse hits Nick different. He gets nailed in his femoral artery while everyone else gets bit in their ankles, wrists and hands, which means the virus gets to his nervous system faster and thus he has a quicker, more dramatic change. Maybe Supermassive were just going by the rule of Scary/Creepy and at that moment that was the scariest/creepiest thing they could think of, having the nice, mild-mannered guy turn into a creepy fucking monster. He's also the signal to the others (and the player) that something is wrong because the characters remark, over and over again, that he's acting supremely weird and out of character. Again, a classic horror movie trope.
Abusers don't just suddenly start acting abusive. It's always there, gang.
He doesn't display any classic signs of being abusive when he's not infected. He's not at Abi trying to get her to like him. Depending on how you chose for him to act (because you can make him act like a toolbox, which unlocks the shittier dialogue down the line, but I'm a sap and I don't like to do it) he's not talking about himself, talking over her, or acting overly needy or desperate for her to like him. Even his cognitive choices before he gets bit are mostly focused on her and not him and getting her to like him. He's shy and quiet, like her. He's genuinely interested in her, and her art, and feels like he has nothing to offer her in return. (hence he can't understand why she likes him). I've seen his behavior described as "stalkerish" but for fuck's sake people. He's just walked out of the way by the Art cabins to watch her teach class. He's not breaking into her room to watch her sleep. He's not showing up where she doesn't want him and making her uncomfortable. That's stalking. We get so little from him, but what we do get is a guy who is genuinely liked by everyone around him, who doesn't like to be super competitive (Kaitlyn calls him out on this) and who everyone knows he's super into Abi but won't engage in any superficial bro behavior with Jacob ("don't be gross, Jacob").
Nick does not display any traits that would get him red flagged for abusive behavior down the line. That shit does not hide in the bushes and then pop up like a villain in a red cape, saying "Ah-HAH you've fallen for my dastardly plan!" Trust me, the red flags are there all along. You might just be too in your feelings to see them right away.
The people who do display this kind of shit? Jacob and Emma. Jacob won't take Emma's no for an answer to the point of stranding other people out in the woods. Jacob frequently talks over other people, puts them down, and demands constant attention and affirmation. This doesn't necessarily mean abuse, but then he gets really super possessive and jealous of Emma, who has broken up with him to the point he yells at Nick for a choice that Emma made. And Emma is so needy and desperate for attention that she strings along Jacob even though she knows he still has feelings for her simply because she gets off on being the center of attention. She's nice to Abi, but that's because Abi also lets her be the center of attention and doesn't take the spotlight away from her. When they're stuck in the storm shelter together she bullies Abi into exploring to see if it's safe even though she knows very well just how dangerous all this is. Like, c'mon. She's a vlogger for pete's sake. And they do this without being infected.
Their behavior right before they change is different than Nick's because the game is not trying to freak you out. Now they're just trying to get from point A to point B. Emma and Jacob turn on either each other, themselves, or in Emma's case, her followers. People who have pissed them off and failed them. If you go back to the scene in the poolhouse, Nick's especially aggressive with Abi because she just dumped his ass in the water, which is revealed to be totally anathema to werewolves. But he does use his last little bit of sanity to apologize to her before he loses it completely.
The problem I'm seeing a lot lately is the loss of nuance and the flattening of stories. They're slotted into just A = good and B = bad, and no one can argue about anything but other than what's there. Like someone can adhere to a series of checklists to avoid being abused, and when a character fits that checklist then they are abusive. When reality does not adhere to a checklist and neither do stories. Abusive relationships and the realities that accompanies them are complex. The only people at fault in abusive relationships are the people who chose to abuse their significant other. It's never the fault of the abused. Ever. There's no special list that saves you from getting into one. Many, many smart, wonderful, amazing people wind up in abusive relationships through no fault of their own, and stay in them for really complex reasons and can only leave when they do. And again, it's not their fault until they do. If abusive relationships were simple no one would be in one, and no one would stay in one. So a character, who again, is fucking possessed being kind of a piece of shit doesn't make him abusive. Because we don't know the guy in real life. He's possessed by a werewolf rage virus and he's being used to scare people. That doesn't scream abusive boyfriend to me, folks.
And horror allows us the ability to take certain things that scare us, and to work through them at a distance in order to give us a catharsis through it. That's why so many people love horror. It's not the gore or the gross exploitation (though there is a line of that running through it and it has been talked about) but it's also a way to deal with some dark, fucked up shit. In the case of the Fly, like I talked about earlier, it's a way of dealing with losing someone to a protracted illness, watching them mentally and physically deteriorate. Ginger Snaps is a way of looking at puberty, losing your beloved older sister to sex and boys as she grows up into something you don't recognize.
And maybe it's just some good ol' fashioned horror. Like losing someone you like to the darkness infecting them and being totally helpless to stop it.
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archonsabyss · 18 days
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no but sunghoon though 😏 first of all, beautiful beauty marks on him~ second of all, style and grace from his ice skater days def carried over. third of all!!! he's constantly buffering like iconic king behavior! but also he's so funny and kind. i too am a victim of homie hopping and i don't mind; sunghoon is def the prince we need in these trying times 🥰
like i had to think about why haven't i noticed heeseung before it's because he looked too baby for me. which is rich considering sunoo has ALWAYS looked baby, but a different kind of baby? like babygirl baby is not the same as baby baby. babes what am i even saying D: but yes, i am looking at heeseung reels and photos, consuming so much heeseung headcanons like HORRENDOUSLY down bad c: i love it tehehe~
it's so funny how you said to wash my hair bc that day you replied i was in desperate need of a wash day ಥ_ಥ but yes pls take care of yourself~ a little goes a long way
babes blade's banner came and went! tbh i thought about pulling for him, as i use him as support for calyxes and echo of war. but... i have too many destruction characters, and what i really need is a better lightening character. i swear whether is genshin or hsr i always need a better lightening!! 〴⋋_⋌〵i'm skipping the current banner to save for acheron. also penacony has been so much fun to play!
awww babes (✿ ♥‿♥) i'm just giving you the bare minimum~ your works are divine, illustrious, engaging, and so so sooooo beautiful. i've been around fanfics for awhile now but none has captured my heart the way yours have. you truly deserve the world babe <3
okay and!!! your recent l&ds work!!!!! why am i barking!! i don't even know these men!!!!! how did you do it!!!! what did you say, "The whimpers that escape your lips are like the melodic notes produced by strumming a guitar and the hands that orchestrate you are as adept and efficient as the music they craft." like POETRY BABES I WILL NEVER LIE the words you use! the story they create!!!! i squeal!!!!!!! downloading the game right MEOW!
₊⊹ Sunghoon is literally perfect. He embodies the feeling of a kdrama moment. What I mean is when time stands still, hair tousled by the breeze, the gleaming sun's warmth radiating perfectly, and your heart fluttering with that giddy feeling. But also his personality, he's probably the only (bias) I bias that is alot like me. Loud introverts! He's just so fun and chill and comforting I really can't express it. Tho, him and San both make me want to run into their arms, hug them and never let go. They look like the give amazing hugs.
I totally understand, Hee stood out the second he entered frame for me but I think it was also heavily because of his singing. Sometimes a member only really capture ur attention later on, like at the right moment. What ur experiencing rn is exactly what I'm going through with sunghoon. Ive always noticed him or knew him by name and face, but only after blessed cursed era did I start having complications with biasing. Since then, it's been a constant back and forth. I start watching every sunghoon clip I could get my hands on! Edits, fics.. Devoured. ENJOY it hehe❤️
I LOVE DESTRUCTION characters🤭 I love things that go boom and bang!! (like Caleb) I need to play hsr! Ur hyping me up towards it
If I deserve the world, just know you're right there within it! Only reason I'd ever accept my own world is to create a safe haven and comforting home for people like you! Us together.
I feel ur a destructive character of ur own because my heart... All ur compliments are going straight to my head and heart, an arrow hitting its mark and a wound open and oozing. I'VE always thought poetry was absolutely beautiful and magnificent so I love trying to incorporate pieces! And getting a response like this makes it all the more worth it. I'M GLAD I GOT U HAHAHA. But I'm struggling sm with addiction I need to go on a serious break 🙌
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I think some people might wonder why I even bother answering these guys on dating apps when it's easier just to ignore them. Well, for one thing, I don't answer them all. If I don't enable a character limit if one is available to use, I get a lot of "hi"s and "hey"s. I don't answer the lazy people. Also, I don't share so much of the worst exchanges. Some are kind of teetering that line, but what you see on my blog is pretty tame.
But what is the answer to the question? Why answer at all? Entertainment, mostly. As someone who has worked real hard to stop centering my life around romantic/sexual relationships, it has become easier to see through the bullshit, especially with cishet men. So, it's funny when they try to play games and think they're slick only for their little tricks to fall flat. They don't know what to do and they usually resort to insults lol. The facade breaks instantly which further proves they were playing to begin with. I've also learned over the years that they will project. They find it so hard to believe that a woman could actually enjoy her own company and this is often because they cannot enjoy their own. Many of them are scared of being alone forever, so if we don't give them a chance, they tell *us* we're going to be alone with a bunch of cats. What's wrong with cats?
But also? I sometimes get the impression some of these guys never considered that it's okay to be alone. So many of the dudes have on their profile that they're ready to be married. And maybe this is not the case for all of them, but based on their behavior, it really feels like they will rush into something serious with someone they may not like or even know that well. For what? So they don't feel left out? For the sake of being able to say they have a wife or girlfriend? Like, I know I'm not going to change the world over engaging with some of these guys, but maybe...just maybe, if they talk to someone who isn't desperately trying to be in a relationship and has learned to be happy with their single life, it could at least get them thinking.
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revelautions · 4 months
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It's been a long time since I've been on Tumblr. I made a new one bc I'm terrified of my ex finding anything I say. Not because I think they would physically hurt me in response, I don't, but bc I can't bring myself to hurt them in any way.
And honestly, that's kind of always been my biggest problem.
They didn't feel the same way. They would provoke emotional responses from me intentionally.
They would also insist that they had a right to try to pressure me into sex, bc they had a higher sex drive, didn't believe I was attracted to them, didn't believe I would stay with them, didn't feel like I was taking their needs into consideration.
And there was nothing I could do to convince them that they were wrong.
They could and would state that they understood that nothing excuses pressuring a partner about sex in the context of literally anyone else.
But nothing could convince them that they weren't an exception.
Despite their claims, there is NO disability that gives anyone the right to pressure a partner about sex.
And that was just one of the things that had been consistent since the beginning.
And I cannot tell our friends about that. I cannot say to them, who only became friends with me because of my ex, that my ex spent a decade emotionally manipulating me constantly, and not just about sex.
I can't tell them that I don't have other friends because every friend who tried to keep in touch with me at all was Not Good Enough for my ex, and therefore I was basically harassed into not engaging with them.
I can't tell them that our relationship really started to fall apart when I became too sick not to stand up for myself anymore.
I can't tell them that my ex basically broke up with me because they couldn't get away with emotionally abusing me anymore in the name of their own trauma and disabilities.
I can't tell them that the same day my ex threw something at me, they accused me of emotional manipulation when I cried and admitted that I was scared.
I can't tell them that my ex admits to most of their past behavior, but that they refuse to acknowledge it for what it actually is.
I can't tell them that the reason they rarely heard me speak is because my ex was constantly speaking over me.
I can't tell them that I had pointed it out and asked multiple times for my ex to stop.
I can't tell them that I also have all the disabilities my ex claims gave them the right to behave this way. And my ex knows good and damn well that it wouldn't have been okay for me to act like that.
I can't tell them that I spent a decade being told that my emotions were a problem and my ex's were beyond their control.
I can't tell them that my ex spent a decade talking about how terrified they were of ending up in a relationship like their parents', only to behave exactly like the relationship they were desperately trying to avoid.
I can't tell them that I couldn't leave, because I couldn't hurt my ex, because they had stated that they would "go crazy" or d*e without me.
I can't tell them that I am so deeply traumatized that I am the closest I have ever been to legitimately su***dal. (I won't. I can't hurt them like that. Even now.)
I can't tell them that I have been made to feel so deeply like a burden that I don't know how to even try to recover.
I can't tell them that my ex made a selfish decision that put me into a position that I had just expressed to them was impossible for me.
I can't tell them that I have lost absolutely everything.
I can't tell them that it's entirely possible that everything my ex has ever said about me privately may have been intended to paint me as a Problem.
I can't know how much of any of it my ex really believes.
I can't know how much of any of it my ex lies about even to themself.
I can't bring myself to try to address it directly, even now. Because it would hurt them. And I can't hurt them.
I really really wish that they felt that way about me. I really really wish that anyone did.
Because even though all of this is true, I do love them. And I wasn't going to leave them. And I wanted to be good enough for them.
But, just like always, I'm not.
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viburnt · 20 days
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MORE BAKUGOU 🗣️🗣️🗣️
pretty pls
Wasn't sure what kind of Bakugo you wanted so...
CONTENT WARNING: Possessive and stalker behavior, bullying, rumors and gaslighting, seclusion, sexual themes, abuse. Dead dove, do not eat!
Bully! Bakugo and his outcast darling
You never quite understood why you didn't fit among your classmates, an odd look splashing their faces whenever you tried to engage with them. 'Maybe it's all my imagination,' you'd tell yourself in an effort to explain such behavior. Perhaps, you were just being dramatic.
You weren't.
People do avoid you, and not particularly because you've done something wrong. It's because of him. This bully carefully crafts an intricate web of lies and rumors, slowly but surely intoxicating people's minds; it's so easy to believe someone like him! His confidence and reputation making his word almost a truth. Doesn't take long for your classmates to form a distorted opinion of you.
Bakugo is the kind of bully that allows the roots of his obsession to go deep, his grasp creeping and filling every crack and crevice of your life. He wants to give you no option, no chances for you to escape him; Bully! Bakugo wants to be the only thing you can have, the only thing you need.
It starts with small things, whispered words into the hallways that reached the right people: slut, idiot, dumb... all kinds of names and crazy gossip stories eating your classmate's brains like worms to an apple. A new reputation for you, the sweet and stupidly unaware darling that you are.
You notice the uncomfortable ambience, the changes in the atmosphere, how people stop talking when you're around. It makes you feel scared, dreadful, and Bully! Bakugo is always there to bask on the worrisome frown your face has. He loves to play pretend, act as if your presence was bothersome and he's only pitying you, "reluctantly" giving you a shoulder to cry on.
The blond follows you around to see the results of his hard work, grinning with pride whenever you start having a mental breakdown in the bathroom or at the library. And he's always there to offer his company, in his own twisted way...
"Tch, you're so fucking annoying. Stop crying already, dammit!" "Have a fucking tissue and stop bothering me." "Fine, you can fucking cry in my shoulder..."
Bully! Bakugo loves fucking with your mind; the same hand that ruthlessly tears you bit by bit, feeds you copious amounts of sugar to keep you wrapped around his pinky finger. He enjoys making you doubt yourself, your choices, your everything... Always reminding how much of a waste of time you are, making you think you should be grarteful that he's even speaking to you.
"They don't like you," He says, "Why would they like a crybaby? I barely can stand you."
"Tch, stop crying already, I don't like that!" "S-sorry, I-I'll try to stop the tears."
Bully! Bakugo who likes pushing you around to do things you would never! If he wants you to do something (no matter the nature of the action), he'll first try to plant the idea and bother you with it over and over, and then, when you try to say no... "Tch, come on, don't be a fucking bore!" "I'm your only friend, aren't I?" "You'd be so lonely without me, can at least do this for me."
Master of guilt tripping.
Do I think he'd leave some sort of mark on you to scare others away? Yes. He already managed to wreck what little good reputation you could have, but he wants people to know that you're his property! It's very probable that he buys a piece of jewelry for your ears (earrings if you have or maybe piercings), or go for a more radical mark like a tattoo or scar. No, silly, you don't have a saying here!
He adores how desperate you look! Seriously, the fucker has a thing for making you cry, calling you the absolute worse in ways that your poor brain can't grasp. This Bakugo also enjoys baby talking to you, there's something about it that makes him feel in control (not to mention that the little leap of joy you do when he's slightly sweet to you makes his dick hard.)
Next stage for him is keeping you secluded. Trust me, he already did a fantastic murdering your social life, but now he takes it further. Oh, you wanna go to that school? Keep dreaming, you'll be by his side where he can have you at his heart's content. No, silly, you can't go anywhere without him; yes, he'll have his hand on the back of your neck everywhere. And don't think of making small talk with any friendly strangers! He'll chew you out for it.
This Bakugo doesn't normally go for his sexual desires with you, he is rather content with having a dumb little pet he can kick whenever he feels like. The topic is not exempt though, he'll have his leg between yours just to make you pathetically grind on it. If he feels particularly lustful, he'll spit on your face as he pushes you against the wall, having his way with groping and squeezing and-
"Curve your fucking back, pet! Fuck- Your stupid cunt is always ridiculously tight."
Overall a different kind of manipulator; compared to Stalker/Possessive! Izuku, this version of Bakugo has a different motto: wreck it down and build it to your fucking liking.
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Personal vent about feeling infantilized in my relationship.
Chris and I have been together six and a half years. I found out I was autistic within the last couple years, so I didn't know when we first started dating.
I'm not sure if I'm projecting or reading too much into this, but lately I've been feeling a bit dismissed and infantilized about certain things in ways I wasn't before. Since learning about the autism, I've been doing a lot of work to unpack it and unmask etc. So a lot of my traits are more obvious than before. But I still had them before, even if they were less obvious, and I feel like they were treated differently.
For example, whenever I stim or infodump now, he'll usually just shake his head and say "that's cute" or "you're adorable" and I know if I told a neurotypical this they'd probably think I was being a jerk by being upset at being complimented, but it's not a compliment?
One, it makes me feel othered. Every time he comments on something like that, whether it's something supposedly nice or not, it points out how it's something "normal" people probably wouldn't do, at least to the extent I do. Maybe he's just trying to be nice, but I kind of wish he would either just ignore the behavior or, hell, even join in? It would help normalize it, ig. It makes me feel "different" even when I'm in my own home and I've noticed myself policing my behavior more, even at home, as a result.
Two, it feels dismissive, almost like when a toddler spits a nonsense half paragraph at you and you just play along. Before we found out about the autism, he would engage more in my infodumps. He would ask follow up questions and actually be involved in a conversation. This even happened on our very first date, where I went on a long rant, but he asked follow up questions and turned it into a conversation and I've told him that was the moment I decided I wanted to keep seeing him. But now, whenever I go on a rant about something, he just does the nod along and "you're so cute" routine and I feel so dismissed. Not only does he not engage with the material, but he makes me feel like a fucking baby being placated.
I get it. Not everything is interesting to the other person. But I engage in his interests even though I'm not particularly interested because I know it makes him happy. It's so frustrating to try to bring up a topic multiple times because I desperately want to talk about it only to be dismissed and condescended to.
It's also incredibly demoralizing to have issues that impact me so deeply I go into crying jags about them reduced to some quirky little trait. It feels like everything, from my interests to my struggles, are reduced to "that's my autistic girlfriend." He's even just commented "you're so autistic" when I do certain things. I feel tokenized, almost. It's like a double edged sword, because I don't want to be reduced to my autism, but it's inextricably tied into who I am. But now, anything that might be even loosely categorized as a "symptom" is disregarded as if it's the autism and not me.
And yeah, maybe I'm obsessing over this band in a way most neurotypical people wouldn't, but that doesn't make it any less valid? If I've mentioned to you literally 10 times that I want you to listen to them so we can talk about the songs, it's obviously important to me and being dismissed about it over and over again just feels so fucking bad.
Again, maybe it's just some internalized feelings I'm projecting on him, or maybe it's just a normal thing to happen in long term relationships, idk. But it really does seem like his reactions to me have changed since we found out. It feels like any time I try talking about something, as soon as he realizes it might be connected to autism, it's suddenly less important or less valid.
It makes it incredibly difficult to talk about my struggles when they're reduced or dismissed like that. Hell, even talking about my interests sometimes, cause if I get "too" passionate about them, I get treated that way. I'm trying to unpack a lot of stuff and feeling unable to just exist in my own home without being scrutinized is really getting to me.
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feral-radfem · 1 year
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I don’t think you came off harsh at all! Honestly some things I’m just not very educated on … like I have an idea that smths not right but I ask people like you who have obviously thought more about this for your side to help me grow my view.
Sometimes it takes someone to point out “don’t equate it with the horror genre” to realize that’s what im doing so I really do appreciate your response.
Something else you said that I really agree with, not trying to get through to these people and just go straight to the government. I will start doing that bc I’ve noticed on top of this whole issue with therapy language being used a lot of the people who write these fanfics are traumatized women (obviously not all just these spaces i believe but the ones I’ve run into were all women) who use their trauma to justify it. it’s like… girl ur SELF HARMING.
“I write pedo fics bc i was molested and it helps me cope” well to start, besides the obvious that it’s selfharm and you should never do that to “cope” you’re not that little kid anymore. Second the self harm issue … not all coping mechanisms are good.
There’s no winning with these people especially when we are in the age of “well if i consent it’s okay!” / “it’s not real it won’t hurt anyone..” it breaks my hearts and also yes ok no recommendations I only asked in case there was a better platform to be using but we should just fix the ones we have.
Good. I'm trying to find a way to balance being direct without coming across as speaking down to others or like assuming the worst of them.
If you would like some material from people who have thought very deeply specifically about this subject, I can recommend a few books I think cover the subject well.
I have tried to have these discussions with the actual creators of these works. The problem is is once people know they're engaging in behaviors that they know are societally look down upon they start to find defenses for their behaviors. They hang on to these defenses firmly. Some of the defenses were that they were traumatized as children in the same way, some of the defenses is that it's all fiction, and some of the defenses is it's horror so it's meant to be horrible. They have already convinced themselves that what they are doing is morally okay because they don't see themselves as a bad person so what they do cannot be doing bad. Its a harmful effect of black and white thinking. No one will ever convince them that they are doing a bad thing or causing harm because that translates to them being a bad person in their entirety. So removing the emotional element and the self-serving desires from it entirely by petitioning the government is the best option in this situation.
Because you're right, a lot of these are traumatized women or women who have "groomed themselves" (groomed by unregulated websites with adult material) by consuming this media at a young age and growing up with it. They have a warped sexuality that they've been encouraging through harmful media in their adult years. They've already done the damage, all they have to do now is justify the continuation of it. They can't go back and undo the damage they've done however. So they need to make sure that the moral judgment for participating in this form of media is grey at worst. They don't know any other form of sexuality, so they're desperate to hold on to the one they do know even if it's detrimental to their own health and safety.
Which is why we set up the government, to put regulations on things that people may still want but we understand is a detrimental to public safety. We recognize that physical health has to be handled as a community issue because community health affects everybody but a lot of people refuse to hold mental health in the same regard. They refuse to hold sexual health in the same regard. And after we get the regulations for what should be allowed on media to protect our communities and public safety, we can address lackluster sexual education that leads kids to looking at pornography for answer in the first. The way we help these women and children is by removing their access to this material.
That being said, on the defense of writing pedophile porn because you were predated on as a child, while you're correct that it's an unhelpful coping mechanism, we cannot negate that these people are now harming children themselves. They have become the pedophiles even if they were predated on his children. They are also feeding pedophiles interest who have never been victims of anything because they are posting it on public forums. At this point they are the perpetuators of pedophilia not the victims. They can't continue the cycle and remain the victim. (This doesn't contradict with anything you said, I just didn't know where to put it in my response)
I don't mind that you asked for recommendations, I was just making it clear to my other followers I was not comfortable with them recommending them here. Though I do agree, we should fix the ones we currently have because any site that people start migrating to will eventually have the exact same problems if we don't regulate them. Like the tumblr to Twitter migration.
Thanks for the asks btw, I always enjoy the engagement.
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