#I'm scared that if I change too much of her the final result won't be true to her origins at all

[brostateexam]

Have not been saying much for a while because everything is hard.

I. My BiL has had c diff three times now and after the third time the oncologist decided to take a damn the torpedoes approach because they were wasting weeks that should have been devoted to chemo because he was too sick and too weak to withstand outpatient treatment. I haven't seen him irl since December but my mom says he looks rough and if his immune system is so messed up that he keeps getting c diff idk that I really want to visit him. What if I get him sick?

All of this is background to me, though, because mostly I'm invested in my sister. She wants to divorce him. He needs to be better enough that she won't face ostracization for doing so. I am invested in him getting better enough for that to proceed for her sake.

II. Something about my relationship with my mom has been bothering me and I finally figured out what it is: everything is equally important to her. She doesn't prioritize anything. If I am having a tough time and ask for help she'll say "well I'm busy every day this week but I can come over next week in Thursday for ninety minutes" and then when she comes over I ask her what she was up to, both to make conversation and because I'm nosy, and it's like... she volunteered for a clothing drive at the synagogue. She went grocery shopping. She went to a farmer's market. Thanks for fitting me into your schedule, I guess! Glad to know I am on the same level as farm fresh tomatoes.

III. I have been having a really tough time of it for the last few months. The vacation in Mexico was... Not restful. Shane had a seizure on the plane and I spent the first two days managing logistics related to that (and navigating the extra ~$2k I spent covering his medical costs while on the trip). His back is still fucked up almost two months later and so I get to do extra housework and chores because he can't lift or bend without being in pain.

IV. Resultant to III, I had a really awful period of about a month with an online friend who started being super short and terse with me because I've been around online less. It was really clear he felt like I was ditching him to go hang out with my cool friends or something, instead of the reality of the situation: I'm cleaning litter boxes and doing yard work and changing the sheets on the bed aka #livingthedream. I told him about all the stuff that was going on but it was clear he didn't believe me or resented my absence nevertheless. This came to a head with me basically texting him an essay about why he was being a bad friend. In a turn of good news, he listened, and apologized, and we mended fences. That was nice because I just don't know how much more bad news I can take right now.

V. I've been struggling with work but really it's just. My boss. My coworkers like me. My project sponsors like me. My skip level likes me. My exec likes me. It's just him. We don't have a good relationship and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know that it is fixable. This is a problem because this is the guy I need in my corner to advance my career and I don't know that he'll do that for me. The alternative is leaving my company, which sounds attractive on paper but in practice the job market is so so bad and it's just so discouraging. The idea of a new job sounds incredible. I wish I could do that. Maybe even a career change.

VI. Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen because of financial pressures. NGL, as much as I like my house (and I do -- I love its little windows, I love my pink dining nook and green bedroom, I love the mature fruit trees and pretty backyard full of wildflowers), I wish i had the cash in hand, instead. I feel trapped here, and like I'm making the most of it. That's a shit feeling to have.

VII. I've started regaining weight. Not a lot. Fifteen pounds since October. But it's scaring me. It's making me wonder if this whole surgery thing was pointless because I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to eat myself to death. So I'm trying to beat it back without resorting to "diet culture behaviors" (read: disordered eating) and that's tough.

There could be a separate post for things that are going well perhaps, but this is what's going not so well and it feels like a lot. Sometimes it feels like too much.

#*eating disorder #*cancer #*money

[maxislvt]

Baby It's Christmas

Summary: Natasha gets to spend the holidays with your family

Warnings: Pregnancy, pregnant sex, amab nat, breeding kink

A/N: I am pushing the hopeless romantic!nat agenda and you all get to suffer through it !!! Kinda sad this event is over, but I'm excited to start writing for the new year!!

Event Masterlist

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Deep down, Natasha was hopelessly romantic. She loved being in love. The butterflies in her stomach, tender touches, and the intimacy that is given to otherwise insignificant things. The only thing loved more than that was being in love with you. Love was great, but love with you was amazing. It was like an addict. Every day, Natasha found herself wanting more of you. Just being a teammate wasn't enough, so she became your friend. When "friend" wasn't enough, she became your girlfriend. Then once "girlfriend" didn't satisfy her, she became your fiance. One day, "fiance" wouldn't be enough either and she'd become your wife. 

If she had to be honest, "fiance" was losing its appeal already. Natasha wanted a family. She was already a third of the way there. You were in your first trimester of pregnancy and all the wedding planning was over, but six months until the baby came and six more until the wedding was a dreadfully long time. Natasha wanted to just wake up one morning and have everything be perfect. She wanted to make breakfast, coddle you and the baby, and spend a whole day with nothing looming over her head. No mission reports, no world-ending threats, just her and the family she finally craved. 

Without the baby, you were in the direct line of sight for all of Natasha's spoiling and overprotectiveness. She arranged for you to leave the Avengers early and effectively trapped you in the house. You couldn't exactly complain either. The compound wasn't always the safest place for you and Natasha had literally thrown up just thinking about you going on a mission while pregnant.

"Tasha, is all this necessary?"  You sat with your arms crossed at the dinner table as your fiance frantically moved to put plate after plate on the table. If anyone had come in, they would have thought you were cooking for a small family of four. They'd be dead wrong. All four plates on the table and both glasses were just for you. "Baby, I can't eat all of this by myself. This is crazy." 

Natasha shook her head. "You don't have to eat it all, but this will keep you and our baby strong." She pulled up a chair and began feeding you. Your wife had already learned everything there was to learn about being pregnant. The day after you got your results back she spent hours researching. Ever since she's kept you on the healthiest diet you ever had. "I'll eat it with you and we'll give the leftovers to the team."

"Baby, you're overreacting! One normal meal won't kill me." You opened your mouth and ate. Natasha was a wonderful cook, but no amount of skill could change the fact you were tired of having salmon every other meal. After a few bites, you had to cover your mouth for a chance to speak. "I think this whole pregnancy thing is  stressing you out, why don't we spend the holidays with my family?" 

"How about we do literally anything else?" Natasha nervously chewed on a piece of the breakfast bagel she made for you. "I mean, we always do Christmas at Tony's house. It's too last minute to break that tradition." Despite spending years of her life training to lie, Natasha found it impossible to lie to you. There was never a reason to keep a secret from you, but that knowing look certainly didn't make it easier. "Okay, fine! I'm scared of your dad!"

You frowned. "Is he threatening you again? I thought you two were getting along." There was no denying your father was a bit overprotective. You had lost count of how many partners he sent running because of how scary he looked. Natasha loved you too much to be swayed by empty threats. Your dad admired that, but that just meant he had to start filling his threats. "What about that hunting trip, did that not actually work?" 

A heavy sigh came out of Natasha's mouth. "No, it went great. I just sorta promised that we'd save the baby for after the wedding and we didn't do that." She slumped down in her chair. "He's gonna take me outside and put me down like a dog! I'm done for." 

You swallowed your food and laughed. "Oh please! My families more of a matriarch, just hope my mom likes the ring you bought me and you'll be fine." You pat your fiance on the leg as if she were an upset dog. "You need to relax a little and you'll have time to do that with at least eight other people looking after me." 

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

In a way, you were right. There was technically no need for Natasha to fuss over you as much as she was. She didn't relax like she was supposed to. Natasha instead chose to mingle with your family and spoil you alongside them. You could barely take two steps without being guided to another seat or handed another plate of food. The only thing you were allowed to do was make arts and crafts with the kids, which was surprisingly enjoyable. 

You were suddenly thankful you let Natasha talk you into renting a hotel for the trip. You flopped down on the bed and nuzzled into the crisp pillows. "Noo, I'm mad at you," You groaned and gently pushed Natasha away.  Despite that, your fiance rolled you on your back and began kissing up your neck. "Nope, no kisses for fiance abandoners!"

Natasha had already made up her mind for the evening, but she could play along with your game. "Whaat, I didn't abandon you! I just thought you looked cuter sitting with the kids and coloring than you did having boring conversations." She placed gentle kisses down the side of your neck and squeezed your hips. "Plus, I came back for you. Isn't that what matters most?" Her hands slid down your body and tugged off your shorts. 

A soft whimper had given away your true feelings before you could even say a word. "Oh, you're awful." Your breathing began to tremble. Being empty was starting to become unbearable, but Natasha always liked to play with her food. Her fingers circled your hole and rubbed your clit as gently as possible. "Nat, please don't be like that." 

Your fiance merely hummed before slipping two of her fingers inside of you. Natasha basked in the vulgar sounds coming from your pussy. Pregnancy had made you incomprehensibly wet and Natasha found herself loving the mess that came with it. "God, I might keep you pregnant forever if it means you'll be this wet." Her fingers practically assaulted your g spot while her tongue lapped at your clit. The feeling of your walls clenching around her fingers was addictive. "Doesn't that sound nice? You can lay around and be my little breeding toy."

A deep moan fell from your mouth. "Ah, don't say that!" Your thighs clamped around her hand. "Fuck, you're so mean!" The first orgasm rushed over you unexpectedly. You had always assumed the arousal was a hormone thing, not an unchecked fetish. Your hips couldn't stop grinding against Natasha's hand. 

Natasha dragged out your orgasm as long as she possibly could. Her hands were practically soaked in your cum. "I think that was pretty nice of me, but I can show you mean." The smirk on her face showed she was serious. She pulled down her pants and boxers. Natasha was fully erect and dripping with precum. "I'm not going easy on you," She whispered before planting a soft kiss on your cheek.

"Ooh, how rough could you possibly be with your pregnant spouse?" You turned your head to give Natasha a proper kiss. "God, fuck you're so big!" Natasha was unforgiving in the pace she set for you. She filled you up to the brim with her dick. Nothing would ever get you used to the feeling of being stretched out. You were nothing but a fleshlight and a cum dump. "I — ah!" 

Her hips met yours with care.  "That's right, you're a good breeding toy." Natasha held your legs up, allowing herself to go deeper inside you. Your wetness coated her thighs and spilled onto the bed. "God, you're so messy. My messy little toy." Her groans turned to grunts as she began rutting inside of you. "You're gonna drain me!" 

You hopelessly clawed at Natasha's back. "Fuck, that's so good! Please fill me up, please!" Your ankles locked behind her back and forced her inside of you as she came. You whined when Natasha began pulling out. "If it leaks out, you're cleaning it."

#pvntherz #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha fanfiction #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fluff #panther's 12 days of christmas

[asherloki]

Intelligent and beautiful

Bbc Sherlock

A/n:- I was reading Sherlock Holmes when I figured out a stuff about the case I was reading and eventually I wasn't entirely wrong, so I thought what if Sherlock's life partner somehow comes out being intelligent, so much he never knew !

"so if this suspect Mr wood is innocent then is it true that Mrs wood knew who it was, who stole the diamond necklace of her mother in law?" I heard Sherlock saying this to John over phone. This case has been going on for 2-3 days now and he's got too many theories, as a result I'm spending my days listening to his theories, I don't mind though.

"Yes John I send you everything do check and call me" he said hanging up on him.

"Any update on it?" I finally asked not lifting my eyes from my tab and stylus.

"Yes 6, 6 theories till now Mrs Holmes" he replied.

His refering me as Mrs Holmes always makes me blush "oh is it?" Now I looked at him.

"Yes, what do you think Mrs Holmes?"

"Well, did you deduce I was thinking about this case?"

"Definitely, was easy as you clearly paid attention to every details of it and you played with your stylus not sketching, instead paying close attention to my discussion with John even though you knew I'd tell you right after I put my phone down." Saying this he took sketch I made on a loose sheet and admired it then put it inside a book "violin " he whispered.

"Just a doodle " I replied.

"Which is marvelous "

"So you kept it?"

"Yes, where it'll be safe, won't get lost, I can't loose it". He said then turned to me "so? Your theory?"

"Aha! I can't say it"

"Why not?"

"It's a very different one, and perhaps wrong"

"So? I've got 6, 5 will be wrong ofcourse"

"It's none of those"

"Still, say it".

"Listen honey, what if Mrs wood's brother have done it?"

"He's lost ain't he, Mrs wood looked for him everywhere ".

"What if he's inside their house? Planning this for 20 years?"

"What?"

"That gardener, you've seen their previous photos, did he aged? He had same white hair as he has now, same wrinkles and physic , I mean no change in 20 years? Doesn't fit does it?"

He listened, carefully, observed it, his eyes sparkle, the sparkle that's very familiar to a detective's wife.

"I'll be back in 4 hours" he said and sprinted to grab his coat.

"Don't be late, come before dinner"

"Yes " his voice drowned as he got down stairs and disappeared into the streets of London with a cab.

"4 and a half, late again" I said while placing plates on the table when out of no where I heard heavy footsteps approaching to our flat. And my man's arms wrapped me from behind.

"Honey, you scared me" I said and he picked me up in bridal style.

"Don't be, I'm just too happy".

"Oh must be good news then".

"Very good news, sometimes looking for too much outside information is not worth it, I forgot to notice the inside details."

"That means...."

"Your theory was correct Mrs Holmes".

Said he and we kissed.

"My goodness I can't believe it"

"Then do, you're extremely intelligent, I've got my match" he said. I blushed to this.

"You really think I'm intelligent? Not just a creative stupid woman in love with you".

"Yes I do believe you're intelligent, and you are, intelligent, beautiful, creative and my love".

"So tell me everything" saying this we sat at the dinner table getting ready for an exciting story.

#sherlock x y/n #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock x reader #bbc sherlock

[space-blue]

What are your thoughts on Vi becoming an enforcer in Arcane? Do you think there's any way for it to be well-written and how would you prefer it to go down?

I've talked about Vi before and especially how I don't appreciate how the rushed romance destroyed her character in the third act.

So enforcer Vi? I hate it. Unless they take a very bold, very dark angle on Vic's motivations or what it does to her to become an enforcer and betray her people, I genuinely don't expect good things.

Like, the poor, destitute, orphaned by enforcer child, to unlawful prisoner regularly beaten in isolation, to fucking COP pipeline should really never exist, unless it's to explore some sort of really intense psychological trauma and maybe Stockholm syndrom…

I'm scared because she's truly a cop in the game. She's got splash art in cliche cop gear eating donuts, and her voice lines (rehauled for the show) had police brutality jokes. She just wasn't "that deep", and the show made her final position a little more untenable. Knowing her background, it makes very little sense she'd ever align with Piltover. I really hope they don't use her interest in Cait as the main mean to get her in uniform…

Can't we have canon lesbians that aren't fucking cops?? I thought Cait would go more down the rogue investigator route, making her charming, using her family and wealth for her eccentric pursuits and obsession for the truth… But it's not really what we got.

The only way I can see this well done for Vi is if she slowly relents when she's not getting results alone, and resigns herself to asking Cait for help. Maybe then she'd find that she thrives as an investigator or mediator. Like, seeing Vi, throughout the season, slowly realise she's good at policing her own people, and they respect her, and maybe if she's the one doing it, then enforcers won't have to, and she can make it easier on everyone… basically becoming Vander 2.0, is the only way I can see her regularly collaborating with Cait.

That OR go broke and make her a class traitor! I don't mind! It's dark, it's fucked, but PLEASE just don't give us a bird brained Vi who follows Cait because she's horny and can't understand class politics 101. That would be so sad.

I want Vi to struggle with Vander's legacy, to realise that the brutality she's inflicting with her stolen gauntlets is exactly what he didn't want for her. That she's taking her place into the cycle of violence that keeps the place down. Even better if she struggles with Silco's legacy, and realising at last that she'd actually have been on his side if not for all the blood between them and her insurmountable distate for shimmer. 'Oh no, the guy you hate was right about something' sort of struggle. Especially if it pitches her against Cait and BOTH OF THEM have to actually acknoledge how fucked things are, and that patronising idealistic speeches to victims of oppression isn't 'change' or 'good enough'.

I'd love to see Vi demanding enforcer help on her terms because she blames the problems going on in the Undercity on them, on the council, and through Cait's endorsement, trying to use them to fix things. That's a way for Vi to slowly get used to their methods, to feel bad when one dies, to go to strategy meetings and slowly, slowly… become cordial. Even if it disgusts everyone else.

Urgh, idk, honestly. I try not to think about it too much. Cait and Vi are my biggest regret from season 1, as I felt like they were both weakened by the way they were used on each other. I don't expect either of their storylines to be my jam in season 2. I'm going in there for Viktor mostly. Got to see my boy finish drinking Singed's Nasty Juice and go full Machine Herald.

Him, Jinx, Mel and Sevika are my main draws to the show. That and the art and story were rivetting enough that I expect any sad Lesbian Cop disappointment to be dismissable.

#arcane #arcane vi #arcane caitlyn #not meta #just opinion #anon ask #fuck cops #fuck no subtlety cops #they should play disco elysium and reconsider

[archangeldyke-all]

feel free to ignore this if it makes you upset or uncomfortable!! I was watching this video by Caelan Conrad about how grooming is portrayed with lgbtq people and it really just broke me.

I’m a 18 year old lesbian from the south. I’ve come out to my immediate family (most are Christian) but most of them dismissed it as me being to young to know. I’m so fucking scared that if I even end up dating, that they’ll being to see me as a groomer or something. I have a little sister and it hurts so much when I distance myself from her but I just can’t handle the possibility of someone thinking that I would ever hurt her like that.

i know that a lot of lgbtq people find joy in life but it feels so unattainable with everything right now. Do you ever get over this daunting fear? Do you have it?

hi baby. i wish i could give you the biggest fucking hug in the world rn. i've never seen this video, but i do know a LOT about this fear and being dismissed. this is going to be a long post, lol

i came out at the age of 13 to my mom. it was a complete accident, i didn't mean to come out, but her intuition figured it out. she was certain i was too young to know, and i had my first ever panic attack right in the middle of the lunch rush at a local cafe! it was horrible. at school, i was the first queer kid out, and as a result i faced a lot of horrible, shitty, disgusting, perverted questions and comments and teases. i was raised incredibly catholic (like, church 2/3 times a week) but through my adolescence i lost my faith and... no one was sad to see me go.

all of this is to say: i'm very familiar with this feeling. i doubt you'll ever meet a lesbian that hasn't felt this way. we're made to feel so predatory and ashamed for feelings and attractions that are completely natural and normal. (there's plenty of sociological reasons for why queer people in general are always portrayed as predators, and there's even more reasons that lesbians are specifically targeted by the 'grooming'/'predator' comments so often that i'd be happy to talk about some other time.) it's depressing and discouraging, but i promise you every single one of us feels this way. you are not alone.

i also promise that it gets easier. it's so fucking corny and lame, but it's also true.

give it time. your family will become a smaller and smaller fraction of your world. this isn't to say they will matter any less, just that your world will expand beyond them. you'll find passion in your work or art or hobbies and gain more freedom as you get older. you will make queer friends, you will find queer spaces. they won't be where you expect, and it likely won't be glamorous, especially in the south, (hell, coming from a small town midswesterner here: some of my best memories come from loitering in the wal-mart parking lot and breaking into the public parks after closing) but you will find them. you'll also make straight friends who love you, and they'll prove to you that the world is changing for the better! you'll work with queer people, you'll love queer people, you'll beef with queer people, and each time you meet another person like you, you'll feel your world grow a little bigger.

most of your family will come around in time. if they don't-- don't worry about it. you can't control what they choose to believe about you, you can only control you. don't push away your sister-- you'll regret it when you get older. instead, show her how much you love her every single day, treat her with compassion and respect, and she'll treat you the same way, regardless of the shit she hears from your family.

also: anyone who accuses you of doing something horrible is just projecting. you are not the problem-- they are.

and finally: despite the fact that i've been out of the closet since i was a kid, and the fact that 'dyke' was my nickname in highschool-- i was scared to say the word 'lesbian' until i was 19 years old. i was consumed with the fear, discomfort, and disgust you're feeling right now. but as i grew up and my world got bigger, i realized that there wasn't anything wrong with me, there was just a whole lot of shit wrong with the world. and it took time to unlearn all the shit swirling in my head, but day after day, i got more confident with myself. what helped the most, though, was reading about, and meeting and interacting with other lesbians (old or young, annoying or mean or nice, butch or femme-- any lesbian) whenever i could. the more i learned about lesbians and lesbian history, the more compassion and respect i had for them-- and then for myself for being one of them.

and now look at me: i'm running a lesbian smut blog!!

joy is on the horizon for you, baby. it'll start small, but it'll grow and grow and grow. i really hope this helped you believe it <3 i love you so much, i'm sending you a million kisses, i'd you'd like them. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[suratan-zir]

Remember I shifted the responsibility to you? Y'all got me into trouble.

this is yet another post about rats, I'm sorry

About a week ago, I was feeling exceptionally anxious and overall unwell, so I did what I typically do to make things even worse. I looked through the rat ads online and found what I was looking for. In a city next to my town, a classic case of a rat in a tiny prison cell. Most likely bought for a child who got bored of it, either because it's not as cute anymore, its claws are too sharp, it smells bad or whatever the reason is. I've rescued quite a few of such unfortunate rats in the past. My most beloved rat of all times, Bambook, the little guy on my user icon, once was rescued from these conditions:

(yes, I keep the old screenshots because I'm sentimental like that)

So when I saw this post, my brain went like "this will be Bambook number two, same age, same conditions, even at the same price! I'll save him, love him and finally, after over a year of grieving, will let Bambook go"

(mind you, this rat is only 4-5 months old, very skinny and weighs 300 grams. Adult males can weight from 600 to 700 grams on average. Yet in this cage he looks big because of how small it is)

I went to that city, two teenage girls, who were looking kinda scared for some reason, handed me this tiny boy. I was asked to bring "a box or something" because "the cage is sold separately". I brought a carrier that was probably bigger than the torture devise they call a "cage".

I could barely talk to them, they started almost running away immediately after handing me the rat. Initially I didn't think much of it, I'm sort of used to people being scared of me. I'm told that I have a weird gloomy, unfriendly look on my face. But they probably wanted to get rid of him before I notice...

On the way home the rat was sweet and gentle, licking my hands and enjoying being petted. But when we got home…oh boy. I always knew that male rats can exhibit hormonal aggression, especially at the age of 6-8 months. But in the years of keeping rats, I never ever encountered such aggression towards humans. Guess I was just lucky.

At first he's cute and cuddly, calm even, then something switches inside his brain and in an instant he goes into killing mode. He attacks not only hands, he bites even knees and thighs, basically every body part he can reach. Then he calms down and demands pets again. He not only bites, but thinks I'm his bitch. After what he did to my hands and knees, they might be pregnant… The girls mentioned that he lived with another rat before they moved him to that cage. I assume it was a female and he mated with her, which made him even more hormonal.

So, everyone, meet Skritch. He went to horny jail and they stole his balls.

Also, the photo where he's stoned is the best photo I have of him, because he won't stop moving.

Skritch is smart, sweet and very friendly whenever he's not attacking me.

He was neutered only yesterday, so it is too early to judge the changes in his behavior. But he no longer bites my hand in the cage, even when we wrestle, which is a huge improvement. But unfortunately, he still didn't pass the couch test. (couch is the place where he gets most aggressive, probably because of the smells of other rats)

He attacked me only once today, the result you can see on the video, it's not nearly as bad as his bites were before. And after that, as always, he acted all innocent and affectionate and fell asleep by my side.

I already love him so much, even if he's a menace. But I am so not looking forward to introducing him to my other boys. Something tells me it's not gonna be easy.

#Skritch the rat #my rats #personal

[iveta777]

I am really glad that I'm not that girl anymore. She was the worst version of me. She went through so much in a very short amount of time.

She was stressed out. She moved to a new city far away from home. She graduated and started university- new home, new city, new people. She didn't know anybody there except her so called best friend who she shared an apartment with.

A month later her family got sick because of COVID. She was worried. She was desperate. She couldn't do anything to help them. She was scared, terrified, petrified to call them because every time she did the news got worse. Her mother was so sick that she had to be hospitalized. Her father was very sick as well but he had to take care of the rest of the family. She felt useless, helpless.

A few days later her only grandpa died. She was close with him. He was more like a parent than a grandparent for her. She didn't get the chance to see him for last time and say goodbye. One day she had a healthy grandpa full of life and on the other he was gone and she was left just with her memories.

During all that the school year had begun and she had to think about university and studying as well. Because of COVID the lectures were online. And her best friend went back home to her family. She was left alone. Scared. In a new city. With new people.

It was too much for her. She was a wreck. She was depressed. She was so lost that she didn't know how to cope with everything and get out of the emotional hole she was in. She was so tired of everything. She was sleeping for hours and waking up a thousand times more tired. Her body was good. It was her soul that needed rest. She was overwhelmed. She started eating more sweets because the chocolate was her only friend. It was the only thing that made her a bit happy. But it wasn't just the chocolate. It was like an endless cycle. Sleepless days and nights with cooking and eating following by days and nights full of sleep and no eating at all.

The results: gained 20+kg in few months; overwhelmed; depressed; ruined sleep schedule. She wasn't living, she was just existing. She was so confused. Her life was a mess.

On top of that when the things finally started getting better, her friend and her parted ways. It was a combination of different things but she couldn't live there anymore so she had to move out. She found a new place and moved in. This time she was alone in the city for real. She felt like she has lost everything. Everything was ruined.

But then when she had no other choice because she had nothing else to lose, she had to start building her(our) life again. She found new friends. Her family got healthy and happy. She studied hard and had good grades. She loved what she was studying and it was a pleasure for her to go to the university. She started going out and having fun.

Today I'm a totally different person from the one I was two years ago. I'm healthy, happy, free. I rebuild my life and have control over it. I'm emotionally and mentally better. I started working on my physical health as well- working out, walking, eating healthy and enough food that I've learnt how to prepare myself. I've lost weight as well. I learnt to find time for me and reduce the chances of burnout - reading books I like, watching videos/movies, getting enough sleep, listening to my favourite songs. I started wearing bright colours because I want to. They are happy colours and make my world even more colourful. I started singing again- I haven't done that in years.

To sum up ,I think that if that girl had the chance to see me now, she would be proud of me. She would feel motivated to take the risk and change her (our) life. She would be more confident and will stop being a people pleaser. She will set healthy boundaries and won't let anyone to manipulate her. She will thank me because now I'm still a kind caring person with a good heart but I'm not naive anymore. She will be proud of me because I finally realised my self worth and I love myself.

#therapy #mylife #lifestyle #life #life quotes #story #storyofmychoices #story of my life #my story #storytelling #storytime #change #writing #writers and poets #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #thoughts #quotesoftheday #quotes #blog #live blogging #girl blogging #bloggingcommunity #the upside down #literature #open up #university #travel blog #traveler #travel

[the-land-of-eternal-winter-novel]

Chapter 34 – The Separation

Kęstas and the others quickly learned about what was happening in the empire, and they were very disturbed, especially Elena.

"He's never been my favourite uncle, but would've never wished something like this upon him!... How cruel can these people be? I thought public execution was considered a relic of the past!"

"I guess these revolutionaries have finally shown their true colours... I'll have to go talk to them and see what they want." said Kęstas, firmly.

"Don't!" she shouted, being very scared.

"Well we can't let them do whatever they want, either, can we? If they want to declare war on us, at least I'll know how to approach them."

"Certainly it's not peace that they want. You can't go to them all alone, they're dangerous."

"Of course I won't go alone. And I was thinking that now's the perfect time to see what allies we have in other countries. Can you help me by writing to some of your cousins?"

"Of course. Please take care of yourself, though."

"I'm not going anywhere right now; I'm waiting for a better moment."

Radek kept kis children close, expecting the worst to come. As a result, he already tried to teach them various methods of self defense, and what to do in case of emergency, whom to trust and who to run away from.

Žydras received the letter from his parents and became very worried. He shared the message with Sveta and Gintarė, proposing that they should go back home as soon as possible. Sveta seemed to agree, but Gintarė was less than pleased with the news.

"I can't go right now! I'm very close to finding my father, and I've saved money so that we could go on the ship together. You promised me you'd go with me."

"I know I did, and I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill my promise, but the news seem very urgent. I worry that, if I don't hurry, Melynė will have already died and this is my last chance to reconcile with my family. I'll hurry home and talk to them, see what happened and so on, and I'll come back here as soon as the situation calms down somehow. Not to mention that the revolutionaries becoming more dangerous is also relevant news to Sveta..."

Gintarė recognised that Žydras' situation was much more of an emergency that hers, but she still felt an irrational sense of disappointment. She hurried to help them pack their bags until the sled came, and she first said her goodbyes to Sveta, whom she actually hugged as if they were friends.

"I promise I'll repay your help when I can." Sveta said, then got into the sled.

She then spent a little time with Žydras, who tried his best to encourage her. He embraced her tenderly and said:

"This journey was life-changing. I'm so glad I got to know you and to spend time with you. I promise I'll come back to see you again. Then we'll do everything together, right?"

"Yeah..." she said, getting emotional.

"Don't cry now. We'll meet again soon enough." he smiled, wiping her tear.

She rested her head on his shoulder for a while, then she noticed that it was time for him to go for good. As a last goodbye, he leaned in for a kiss, and she did so, too, at first, but when they got close, she suddenly backed off. Žydras had no other choice but to hurry getting in the sled, as well, and Gintarė waved at him awkwardly while the sled was going fast, farther and farther away. She felt a pit in her stomach as soon as she wasn't able to see them anymore. She quickly went to her house, in order to avoid looking weird standing like so in the middle of the road.

She didn't know why she acted the way she did. She really did want to kiss him in that moment, but she pulled back as if she were scared to do so. And now she lost her last chance to share such a moment with him... For some reason, she had a feeling as if he was never going to return. Rationally, she knew that the only reason he broke their promise was that life-or-death situation, and she felt guilty for being upset at him for this. However, in the back of her mind, there was a thought that he would've left her sooner or later anyway, and that there was no point in trying to invest herself in any such relationship, since it will have been doomed from the start. And why did she care whether Žydras left or not? It isn't like they were in love or something of the like...

She felt embarrassed when she realised this was the case. She mustn't ever have allowed herself to fall in love, since she knew she would've eventually ended up in such a situation. She congratulated herself for not having ended up in her mother's situation, at the very least. Maybe that's why she refused to kiss him in the end: she feared someone taking advantage of her and leaving her heartbroken. It seemed like it made sense for a moment, until she realised Žydras wasn't actually like that. He didn't seem to want a shallow relationship that he would get out of without second thoughts. Instead, they were teammates and friends, first and foremost, and he seemed to care for her sincerely. And judging by the fact that he took the initiative to try to kiss, he must've been in love as well. Now she felt even more embarrassed that she missed the chance. What if Žydras interpreted this to mean that she didn't have feelings for him?

She sat on her bed, the room partially lit from the windows, wondering about her choices so far and their implications. She remembered Sveta's comment about them being like a married couple, and she realised that she had gotten used to always doing everything together with him, and that she had been very happy during these months. She wondered why she hadn't gone with him instead of searching for a father she knew nothing about. Of course, it was an excuse, because she felt she didn't trust Žydras. But why didn't she? He had been the most trustworthy person she had ever met, except only her mother. And he also might've been the only one who loved her. And she loved him too, didn't she? But she forbade herself from trusting people and forming friendships that it had become a reflex, almost. She wanted to write him something, but it seemed cowardly to her. Not to mention that he was probably too focused on his family problems to be thinking about her during these times.

She lay back, staring at the moldy ceiling, as if staring her life in the face. She was already crying for some time, but only now did she realise, and it made her feel alone and helpless. What was the use of of finally being home, if she was all alone in this house who looked like it could collapse on her in any minute? If she had been honest about her feelings and wishes, maybe she and Žydras would've gotten married, and they would've repaired the house, and they would've lived there, earning their living peacefully, standing by the sea and fishing. She weirdly felt ashamed, as if she had abandoned her grand ideas for the future for a 'boring' life. Didn't she still care about bringing justice to her people? One thing was for sure, that she didn't feel as vengeful as before. And she did want to fight for the well-being of her peers. But maybe she wanted to create a village in which the farmers, the fishers, the carpenters and the miners would just share everything according to each person's needs. She wondered whether something like this had ever truly existed, and whether it was possible to recreate in the present world. She felt disgusted as she remembered how Mantas perverted her ideas, and she remembered why she stopped believing in her utopia. But maybe she expected to win some sort of prize for having fought in the revolution, and she would give the money to the poor. She didn't get to participate enough for this to happen, though.

She wondered what else to do with her life, since her previous goals seemed meaningless now. She knew she had already begun searching for her father, but now she wondered why. She asked herself why she hadn't done this earlier or later, then she remembered that Žydras encouraged her to do so, as he also tried to convince himself to reconcile with his parents. She thought that, at least, she was occupied while Žydras was with his family. The trip to see her dad seemed more and more dauting the more she thought of it, however. She angrily remembered the childhood she had as a result of this man's abandonment. She tried to think things through, but she felt overcome with emotion. The more she thought about it, the lonelier she felt, and she was almost convinced that everybody had left her for good. She crouched and began crying harder.

Just after she had left the family which hosted her, Ingrid was more able to fend for herself and her child. Like a nomad, she carried Oleg on her back, tied with a large cloth, and she carried her bag and her gun in either hand. Once, she met a wolf in her way, and this time, trying not to panic, she shot it and managed to kill it, without either her or Oleg getting injured. Now she was finally in a port city, and she bought a ticket for the next ship which went to her country. She felt like she was saying goodbye to her life spent in this country, but she also ft like the only solution for her was to return home. She also anticipated meeting her mother, but she braced herself for anything. During times such as these, Oleg was crying, confused as to why they were leaving his home behind, and Ingrid comforted him, but she only prepared to explain him everything in the days after she arrived at her brother's home.

#the land of eternal winter #my novel #draft 1 #chapter 34

[apompkwrites]

love in their own way || albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli

masterlist characters: albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli genre: fluff summary: in which their s/o's aren't as forward about their emotions, but still manage to have their little tells that express their love. notes: i hope this meets the request! i had a lot of fun writing this! i just want the boys to be happy :)

albedo -

i like to think albedo is secretly clingy but doesn't allow himself to show it to anyone.

naturally, it's just because he's always holed up with his work.

when he consciously does it... it's because he's nervous.

remember the end of his quest when he's talking to himself at dragonspine?

that's why he's nervous.

anyway!!

he's not too bothered by the fact that you're more reserved.

he has a lot of work so he can't really dwell on the idea for too long.

just you being there when he's working is good enough for him :D

as we all know, this boy is very into experimentation and learning.

so trying to decipher your minuscule facial changes is actually really interesting to him!

he has a bunch of notes just on the little details he can find about you.

and since he's so observant, it doesn't take him long to realize that there are certain signs that only appear around him.

he'll notice them when he's painting you.

whenever he's waiting for results, he'll use the time to draw you <3

because he's done this, he practically has you memorized.

so imagine his surprise when he sees your expression change whenever he leaves your sight.

it takes him a while to actually be able to see this, but i'm sure it's because of timaeus and sucrose.

after all, they're around you a lot whenever albedo is busy.

they probably take a picture to show him something they did while he was gone and that's when he notices.

he doesn't even have to look at a different picture of you.

he can just tell you look different.

the little crinkle next to your eyes was gone.

your lips were more pursed than usual.

you now had a crease in between your brows you didn't have before.

the next time he sees you, he'll hold up the picture next to your face to confirm they're different.

he wants to ask why there's a "clear" difference in your appearance but he already knows why.

he'll ask you just to be sure, though--

your cheeks get a tiny tiny bit darker when you answer wholeheartedly.

it does make him chuckle when he hears that you're so smitten for him in your monotonous voice.

the picture sucrose and timaeus took isn't his favorite of you, so he ends up taking a new one when you two are both exploring dragonspine.

it's a reminder of how much you really love him <3

childe -

out of the four boys here, he's definitely (in my opinion) the most affectionate.

like, this boy will take whatever he can get to just hold you for a second.

especially if you're also from snezhnaya but came all the way to liyue to keep him company.

he's very family-oriented as we've seen, so he treasures these relationships.

now, with an unaffectionate s/o?

honestly, i don't think he'd be too upset about it.

like i said, he really treasures these familial relationships.

because of this, it's his top priority to make sure you feel comfortable in the relationship.

he won't necessarily keep his distance, but he won't be too clingy either.

he'll stand right beside you, enough to where you can almost feel his skin touching yours.

as for your expressionlessness...

it'll take him a bit to really understand how you're feeling.

it's a lot of communication because he doesn't want to mess anything up.

near the beginning of the relationship, he'd ask how you're feeling and if there's anything bothering you.

but once he finally notices the subtle differences in your face, such as a slight eyebrow raise or a tilt of the head, he'll be able to read you easier.

nothing too complex, but just enough for him to tell your emotions.

there is one subtle change that he always looks for, however.

he's realized, with the help of zhongli of course, that there is a specific characteristic that only happens when he's in your line of sight.

your lips are normally pressed in a fine line.

however, around him, the corners lift up ever-so-slightly.

the only reason he's able to see it is that he'll catch himself staring at your lips because he wants a kiss :)

once he sees that, he starts noticing your little quirks whenever you're around him.

you'll lean closer to him as you're walking through liyue harbor.

your eyes start to soften as he talks on and on about his day (and complains about scaramouche--).

he loves the idea that all of these little details about you only happen around him,

it makes him feel... important.

and loved.

even if he holds back from touching you, he'll settle for seeing your cold exterior melt around him.

xiao -

he's not too well versed in affection...

i mean, he's the vigilant yaksha that is known for being stoic just like you are.

you two are basically carbon copies of each other.

no affection and no clear expressions of love.

people (who know both you and xiao) often forget that you two are actually together.

like, they just think you two sit in silence when you're both tired of dealing with people.

they... aren't necessarily wrong.

the two of you are often found sitting at the balcony looking over liyue.

sometimes you bring him almond tofu to share :)

it's very rare for the two of you to actively show your love for each other, mainly because you both know your feelings.

although... xiao does have those moments.

it's not like he's completely oblivious to the whispers about you two.

and on the days where his karma acts up, he gets insecure.

he's... really scared that one day you'll leave just like the others.

it doesn't matter if you're a mortal or an adeptus, he's scared that one day he'll wake up and you'll be gone.

and if that ever comes, he's scared you'll pass on either doubting your feelings or his.

it doesn't help when he notices the difference in your attitude and appearance when he's around.

his first instinct is that he's doing something bad.

either you're angry or upset at his mere existence...

verr goldet's the one who has to explain why you seem different.

she's quite observant on her own, especially because you're the first person that xiao actively enjoys being around.

she'll be the one to tell him that it isn't because you're mad at him.

you have minuscule changes because that's how xiao makes you feel.

you're so soft around him and she can tell just from the small interactions she's seen of you.

for example, when you're talking to the chef downstairs, you have the same expression that xiao has when he's talking to people.

you're annoyed but you know how to handle it.

but when you're around xiao, it's like everything that bothers you disappears.

it's like you're in your own domain whenever he's around.

nothing else matters except for him.

and even if she's relying on small observations and pure intuition, she can tell that the changes are good.

your eyes that seem to look anywhere besides the person you are talking to are completely different from the ones that seem to only focus on xiao.

your normally stiff body relaxes every time you summon xiao at the balcony.

the tiny smile that graces your lips when you disappear to the top of the inn for hours on end.

verr goldet's explanation calms his heart.

his worries seem to disappear and the next time he sees you...

this is the one thing his karma can't take away. he'll be sure of it.

zhongli -

zhongli is also another person who isn't well versed in relationships.

although he isn't as inexperienced as xiao, it'll take some time for him to figure it out.

he's not someone who craves affection like it's the only thing keeping him alive.

he definitely would appreciate it but he completely understands that it isn't something you tend to give.

so instead, he'll show his love in the smaller things.

such as telling you stories, sharing tea, going out on walks, etc.

he's another person who is very observant, especially in people close to him.

his storytelling friends often ask him about your relationship with one another.

they try to bring it to his attention that you may not be as interested as he thinks you are.

of course, he'll simply laugh them off and tell them that they should listen to the person who knows you best.

he'll turn those questions into a big story and explain how they're mistaken about you.

he's never actively told anyone this, save for hu tao who tries to bug him into telling her, but he'll tell them about all of the tiny details that tell him your feelings.

when you're feeling upset, you puff out your cheeks a small bit.

when you're angry, your glare hardens at whatever is making you mad.

when you're happy, your lips part slightly.

when you're in love... well, that's a detail he'll keep for himself.

he's quick to say goodbye to his peers, practically rushing back to your shared home.

he's greeted by you as soon as he opens the door.

your stoic expressions... would be exactly the same to anyone else.

but to him, it's like you've lit up like a small puppy seeing their human parents come home after years.

you don't run up to him, but you turn to look at him and away from the book on the table.

he'll greet you with a quiet nod, pulling out the chair and sitting next to you.

he'll take the book from you, taking in your appearance for a moment.

your shoulders relax by a hair and you move your chair an inch closer to his.

you don't lean your head on his shoulder but you lean towards him as if you were about to.

it's these moments that make everything worth it to zhongli.

here, in your home and in your life, he's simply zhongli.

the man you fell in love with and allowed your reserved self to open up to.

and he would trade anything just to have these moments with you.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact albedo x reader #genshin albedo #genshin albedo x reader #albedo x reader #genshin impact childe #genshin impact childe x reader #genshin childe #genshin childe x reader #childe x reader #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact tartaglia x reader #genshin tartaglia #genshin tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact xiao x reader #genshin xiao #genshin xiao x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact zhongli x reader #genshin zhongli

[elia-de-silentio]

Vanitas and affection: a complicated relationship

In light of recent chapters and waiting for the next to deliver our new dose of pain, I've decided to make a bit of analysis on how Vanitas relates to affection.

Vanitas enters this world, and gets the first of a long series of traumas. A classic: mother dies in childbirth, the baby is blamed for existing. Vanitas had internalized this thinking from his father ... or maybe it was a reasoning he made on his own (he says that his father 'must have hated him', but does not recall the man actually telling him so), and his father did not correct him - either because he subconsciously agreed or because he wasn't the most emotionally attuned man in the world.

After all, the only thing certain about Vanitas's father is his tendency to self-sacrifice: he abandoned his birth family and respectable profession to follow the woman he loved in her travelling caravan, even if he didn't like the rest of the people there; he gave up his life to save his son.

And this latter part is what furthers Vanitas's trauma, as he will feel an extra dose of guilt for causing his father's sacrifice.

After the death of his family, he is taken by the Chasseurs to be trained and become one of them. His strong hatred for vampires fueled him, and it's likely he was quite good at fighting, given what we see of him now. But alas, he caught the attention of Moreau.

Vanitas's damnation was his high empathy. As Luna will later point out, he would be able to escape; but Moreau had faked his death by killing a kid that looked like him, thus triggering his trauma of 'other people sacrificing for his sake'.

And then, he thought that even if he escaped, someone else would be tortured in his place. The reasoning is actually more based in self-loathing than reality, as attested by the existence of n.70 and 71; so he turned his reason for being there into trying to get more torture and lift it from the other children whenever he could.

Then he gets saved. Well, he likely doesn't perceive it like that, because Luna is a vampire, especially the Vampire of the Blue Moon whose blood Moreau injected him to try and turn him into a vampire. Nevertheless, there appears to have been a somewhat peaceful period between the escape from Moreau and the start of the series: we see Luna take care of him and Misha, giving them shelter, teaching them about malnomens and trying her hand at life lessons; we see little Vanitas do most of the chores, even if with a standoffish attitude; we see little Misha basking in the happiness of a somewhat stable and nice family situation.

Then something terrible happens.

It is revealed that due to Moreau's experiments, the kids are not exactly human anymore, but they aren't vampires either; their body can't substain this state of being, and they will die if they aren't turned into kins of the Blue Moon. Misha accepts, Vanitas refuses, wanting to stay human. Next thing we know, they are both kins of the Blue Moon with Marks of Possession, and Luna is dead.

As of the time of this writing, it is not clear exactly what happened; we know that Luna died, and that Vanitas played some role in it. Misha outright accuses him of killing her, but the framing of the actual events is quite ambiguous.

Vanitas, on his part, seems to have conflicting feelings: he says he wants to take revenge on Luna for drinking his blood, but when he's half-delirious, he mutters that he didn't really hate her; he appearently made Misha some promise that he didn't keep, and he is crushed by guilt as a result.

But whatever happened, his consent on the kin-making was ignored (just like it always happened in Moreau's laboratory) and another person that was close to him died either at his own hand, or because of him. And he gets some other trauma on top of an already long list.

Moreover, he was surprised to find out that Misha was alive. So, for some time, he believed the person who he loved like a brother was dead. Add good old grief to the mix.

So, we get to the Vanitas of the very first chapters of the manga. An outgoing, cocky individual ... a mask. After all, every time he has shown his actual feelings of anger and grief, it didn't turn out very well for him in the end, did it?

It also allows him to annoy and gross out people, specifically Noé and Jeanne. Nobody really likes his arrogance and pushiness, so they won't give him the affection he doesn't deserve.

Then, the aftermath of the Bal Masqué. Vanitas is provoking Ruthven, and Noé goes unexpectedly to protect him. To take risks for his sake. This already scares him, but then Noé has the gall to go and try to understand him! His reaction has to be more extreme: he flat out tries to attack Noé with a knife and tries to get him away, whereas he had been pretty much stalking him up to this point. But Noé refuses; and Vanitas is maybe just a little comforted and moved, enough to stop trying to push him away.

Then there is the Catacomb Arc, where a new character is introduced: Roland. He doesn't show spite to Vanitas, but still sees him with condescension, denying that he is acting out of his own free will. And this, to the former Chasseur who was left by the rest of them in Moreau's clutches, is untolerable. Roland means well, but he's going at it the wrong way.

After the fight with Roland, there is another argument between Vanitas and Noé. Vanitas does exactly what Noé had done before: shields him. This sends Noé on a sermon about how Vanitas, as a human, is weak and shouldn't take such risks, which infuriates the other boy: he bites back by calling Noé overconfident, citing the Ruthven accident as an example. This confuses Noé, because didn't he want him to become his shield?

I suspect that this was both Vanitas tendency to sacrifice himself for others, and a sign of tentative trust towards Noé. He does the same thing the vampire did for him ... and got rebuked, and called weak for his trouble. Noé's attitude is too patronizing to be seen as an actual sign of concern,and his already bad mood sours considerably.

Well, there is to say that after a similar crisis repeats itself a chapter later, complete with anti-vampire slurs on Vanitas part, Noè amends ... by using him as a fake hostage against Roland, which is still better that treating him as if he was weak.

Now, Noé might be naive in a lot of regards, but he is not stupid. From that moment onwards, he gets that Vanitas will be treated as an equal. He won't force him into dangerous situations, but he won't even treat him like he's too frail for it. He will be incouraging, but not condescending. And the result is that he actually snaps Vanitas out from his trauma-induced flashbacks, and gets him to be more open and trusting than he has ever been.

In the Gevaudan arc, Vanitas's emotional connections get shaken on two fronts: Noé 's and Jeanne's.

In this arc, he is the one to encourage and support Noé. He gives him advice on how to handle Astolfo; he gets worried about him when he's captured by Chloé (even if he expresses it in his own way).

He saves Noé from getting lost into Jean-Jacques's memories, listens to what he has to say, and concedes to what he wants, where at the start of the manga he was all 'my way or the highway'. He even almost (almost) admits that he was worried about Noé!

He still receives some actual support: demostrations of Noé's spirit which are good for the soul, and a proclamation that he believes in what Vanitas thinks about the origin of Malnomen, the first time a vampire says something like that. Vani plays grumpy, but he is obviously very shaken, in a positive way.

He finally shows Jeanne some actual support: he is cold to her after he was unwillingly vulnerable in her presence due to his illness, but pushes that aside rather quickly, in order to help her realize what she truly wants (saving Chloé instead of killing her) and that she's right to want it. He reminds her that she's a person, not a tool.

And she's grateful for it, and has definitely no qualms about expressing it. The result is that our hero spends days in blue screen, to then have a complete freakout at the possibility of being actually in love with Jeanne. He's so out  of it, he ends up oversharing his feelings of being undeserving of love to a Roland who he doesn't like and a Olivier he has never met before. Still, it's the first time he flat-out says his issues.

This brings us to his rooftop conversation with Noé. I really liked the vampire's behaviour here: he was comforting in a sort of roundabout way, à la Vanitas. He said that he is happy Vanitas is the way he is, even if he still doesn't like him very much. Translation: you're a way better person than you think you are, and you deserve to be loved. This is coming from a totally unbiased place, I'm not a weird person who would like you or something.

And this is the last conversation we see between the two of them: as of the time of this writing, Noé has been compelled to drink Misha's blood, and Vanitas has just arrived on the scene.

Vanitas has seen his self-loathing perspective challenged and has changed a lot in the span of a rather short time, and I really don't know how he'll react to Noé learning the details of his past; he sure won't want any form of compassion. Personally, I suspect he'll be very cold to Noé for quite some time, possibly even trying to drive him away, before a reconciliation.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!

#vnc #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no carte #vanitas no shuki #vnc vanitas #vnc meta #vnc analysis #vnc noe #vnc jeanne #vnc luna #vnc mikhail #elia's recaps

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

#rwby #oscar pine #emerald sustrai #ozpin #winter schnee #qrow branwen #clover ebi #pyrrha nikos #love language #fair game #love langauges

[nashibirne]

Painkiller - 5

Need a painkiller? Here we go! The fifth part of my story about Henry and Ella. Months have passed by since their date, let's see how the "friends" are doing...

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Ella)

Summary: Ella keeps on pretending and Henry tries to move on

Warnings: Angst, a little smut, 18+, NSFW, sex, mentioning of oral sex (f receiving)

Unbeta'ed! As you know...English is not my mother tongue so be warned...

Credits: Pics for the moodboard are from Pinterest (face claim Pamela Reif, unfortunately I don't know the name of the model I use as face claim for Ella), I know nothing about the real Henry Cavill, this is all fictional.

You can find part 1 - 4 on my Masterlist.

taglist: @hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @mis-lil-red @willkatfanfromasia @agniavateira @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo

(let me know if you want to be added or removed)

~~~~~~~

The little bell above the door rang like crazy when Jackson entered the book-cafe with vim.

"Jax!" Ella beamed with joy when she saw him.

"Hey auntie." He embraced her with a grin, hugging her tightly and lifting her off the ground a bit. "Congratulations on your third nephew. He's really cute. I paid Katie a visit before I came here. Paul was there too, almost bursting with pride, changing diapers like a pro. He's going to be a great dad."

"Yeah, absolutely. They're going to be great parents. Hopefully Katie can leave the hospital soon. Henry can't wait to meet little Leonard."

"So you've already told him?"

"Of course. I had to promise him to call as soon as Katie goes into labour. And I kept him updated throughout the day yesterday. He's so happy for them."

"Uncle Henry and Aunt Ella, huh?" Jackson said with a teasing grin.

"Funny." Ella rolled her eyes.

"Not really. I mean come on, Elsie, you know that you and him are in a relationship without sex? Sharing everything but the bed?"

"Yes, I know that. It's called friendship, Jax."

"No, it's not. What you have established over the last 4 months is much more than friendship."

"Nonsense. Henry is a close friend just like you." Ella crossed her arms ready for defense.

"Fuck no. He's not..." Jackson let out an amused snort.  "You talk on the phone every day, no matter how busy you are. You text each other constantly. He comes here whenever he finds a minute. You spend all your spare time together when he's in town, he practically lives at your place on his free weekends, sleeping on the couch. All your neighbours know the attractive guy, who looks so vaguely familiar under his caps and beanies and the beard, and who's always so friendly when he walks his dog with you. You do everything together, like a couple, you just don't fuck and nobody understands why."

"Because it's for the better." Ella turned away from Jackson and began to unpack a parcel that was standing on the counter. She got out some books and put them into a shelf with a stern expression.

"Really? You still claim that?" Jackson started to help Ella, pacing between the counter and the shelf, following her close.

"Yes I do. Because it's still true. We're better off as friends."

"Jesus, Elsie. How can you be so stubborn? The last months have proven that your worlds are not different at all, on the contrary...you love the same things, you laugh about the same silly jokes, you share the same view on life. You perfectly fit in with his life and vice versa."

"Yes. As friends. And I'm not stubborn, I'm realistic."

"And what would be so different if you were lovers and not just friends."

"Everything would be different, Jackson." Ella stopped in her tracks and turned around to him. He could tell by the look on her face and her crimson cheeks that she was not only annoyed but really upset. She cocked her head and poked his chest with her index finger. "What do you think would happen if we were spotted together? Appeared in public as a couple? Holding hands or kissing? If I left Henry's house in the morning? The whole world would know about it. It would be in the press, on the internet. The tabloids would be full of it. Who's Henry Cavill's mysterious girlfriend? Oh, only an ordinary book trader from Uxbridge...there must be more to it. They would start to dig and stalk me and my family, show up here at the store. His fans would go crazy, and I would be their target. They would bitch about me. How the hell did this mousy bag of bones get a man like him. I would be called gold digger, attention whore, slut and worse. I'd have to go to official events with him, meet his VIP friends, we would be chased by paparazzi..."

Ella stopped her rant and took a deep breath. 

"Right. And I know this scares the shit out of you, but don't you think it might be worth it?" Jackson placed his hands on her shoulders and gave her a soothing smile. 

"No, I don't. And I don't even know if Henry feels about me that way. If he would still want to date me..." 

Jackson stared at Ella, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.  "Are you kidding me? He's crazy in love with you. And you love him too. Stop lying to yourself, honey."

Ella just shrugged, avoiding Jackson's gaze.

"He won't wait forever, Elsie. One day, he'll get over you and he'll move on and then it might be too late. Mark my words."

That was the moment a customer entered the shop and gave Ella a good reason to end their conversation at this point. 

***

Later that day, when Ella was cuddled up on her couch, eating ice cream and trying to read a book, Jackson's words still nagged on her. You love him. That much was true. He won't wait forever. Another truth. He'll move on. That was the hardest part because of course he would and it was Henry's goddamn right to do so. And she couldn't help but wonder if he'd already started to. There were those slight changes in his behaviour. It had been harder to get him on the phone in the evenings lately. He said he had an ass full of work but it sounded like an excuse. He got a lot more texts than usual and he never read or answered them when Ella was around. He'd even shaved his full beard. She knew it was wrong and pathetic and completely unjustified but Ella was jealous without any actual reason. The thought that Henry was seeing someone was killing her. 

Then it might be too late. Yes. Jackson was right. If Henry was dating someone, if he was in love with someone, it would be too late indeed.

She couldn't help but think about all the chances she'd wasted to become more than friends with him. There had been quite a few moments in the last four months they had been close to crossing the line, but Ella had been too scared to make a move, for all the reasons she'd mentioned to Jax.

And Henry had respected her boundaries and taken her no for a no and had never tried to leave the friend zone, which was great because it showed her how much he respected her and what a decent man he was, but it also sucked. She had maneuvered herself into a corner and she didn't have the guts to get out of it on her own. She was a coward.

She thought of a day only a few weeks ago, when Henry had tried to teach her some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu techniques. Ella was pretty sporty, she did yoga as part of her daily morning routine, she liked running and played volleyball once a week with some of her friends but she'd never tried martial arts before and it turned out soon it was for the better. She had zero talent.

After an hour of training that included lots of touching, rolling around on the floor together, sweating, panting and laughing, there had been no improvement in her non-existent skills. The only things that had increased had been the tension in the room, the physical attraction and Ella's arousal. Being so close to Henry, his hands all over her body, her hands touching his muscles all the time...it had been pleasure and pain at the same time.

After her umpteenth ineffective try to pin Henry down on the floor, he finally had mercy and let her win. He dropped to the floor laughing, dragging her down with a smirk so that she topped him. They had been so close in this moment, her body on his, their noses almost touching. Henry had wrapped his arms around her waist and he had looked her deep in the eyes.

The moment had been so intense, so intimate, the atmosphere so vibrant with an erotic kind of anticipation, it had sent shivers down her spine and goosebumps all over her body. Her pussy had been throbbing and she'd felt Henry's dick harden in his sweatpants. It wouldn't have taken much. She could have kissed him easily. She'd wanted it and she was pretty sure he'd wanted it just as much. But she hadn't been able to move, to stop her thoughts from running, to turn off reason, to let emotions lead the way and so the moment had passed with the result that they still were nothing more than good friends.

And she just couldn't shake off the feeling that she was going to regret her hesitation soon.

****

Henry grabbed her by her hips and increased speed. His balls slapped against her butt as he fucked her hard from behind. She moaned loudly and it sounded fake in his ears. He was quite sure the orgasm she had when he'd eaten her pussy a few minutes ago was a real one, but the sounds and noises she was making now were artificial, somehow forced and deliberate, just slipping from her lips to turn him on. But he didn't really care, it worked well and he came with a muffled grunt. He thrust his dick inside her pussy another few times till his orgasm was over and pulled out right after. He stripped off the filled condom and got up to throw it in the bin. 

"Come back to bed, Babe." Kelly stretched out  between the rumpled sheets. He looked at her and smiled. "Gimme just a second." He went to the bathroom and took a deep breath while washing his hands and his cock. 

What am I doing here? He asked himself not for the first time and the answer was always the same. He was having a stupid fling with a beautiful 25 year old bimbo. He had met Kelly four weeks ago and after two weeks of flirting on the phone and a lot of hot texts and pictures he had taken her on a date first and on his kitchen counter afterwards. 

Since then they'd met often to have sex. Casual sex, no strings attached. He had told Kelly this several times and she didn't seem to care. "No problem" had always been her answer. Nothing seemed to be a problem for her. 

"You have to sneak out, so nobody sees you!" - "Sure."

"You can't stay overnight." - "That's alright."

"We have to be very discreet. Don't tell anyone about us." - "Of course not."

"I'm not looking for a relationship." - "That's fine."

"I'm in love with another woman." - "Okay."

Ella. Yes, he had told Kelly about her. That he loved her though she just wanted him as a friend. And again...no problem for Kelly. But it was a problem for him. He thought way too often about Ella when he was with Kelly. He didn't only compare them constantly - always with the same result, Kelly was nothing like Ella, not a tiny bit and that was equally good and bad - but he had to think of Ella whatever they were doing, even when things got steamy. He didn't really imagine being with Ella when he fucked Kelly, but he often thought about her before and afterwards. Fantasizing about how it could be...if this deep friendship they had turned into a relationship. If they turned from friends to lovers. The problem was he was quite sure this was never going to happen.

There had been some moments they had been close to kissing but Ella had never made the one missing step to close the gap between friendship and love.  And he couldn't because he was trapped in the friend zone. Just lately there had been this situation. Both of them lying on the floor after a Jiu-Jiutsu session, Ella on top of him, shaking and obviously turned on, her eyes full of desire. And she must have seen the same sensation in his eyes and even if not, she must have felt his hard-on. But even in this moment she hadn't crossed the line. No kiss, no touch, no words. That had been the moment he'd finally accepted that all he would get from her was friendship.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Henry? Is everything okay? The bed's too big and too cold without you."

Their friendship...that was another problem. He had a terrible guilty conscience. Not because of the fact that he had an affair, he was single, Kelly was single, there was no reason to feel bad. But he hadn't told Ella anything about it. Not a single word. He had texted Kelly behind her back, had made up excuses why they couldn't meet or talk on the phone in the evenings. He knew if he told her Ella would start to ask questions about Kelly, about his feelings for her. And what was he supposed to answer? I don't have feelings for Kelly, I just shag her to get you out of my system, because I love you more every minute, every hour, every day we spend together. And it kills me that I know we will never be more than friends.

That was completely out of the question.

"Yeah, sure." He opened the door and gave her his best fake smile. "Just freshened up a little."

"Why don't we get dressed and you take me out for dinner?" Kelly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close for a kiss. "I'm starving."

"I don't know, Kell. I don't want us to be seen...you know that."

"Oh come on, babe." She pouted and kissed him again. "You can wear a cap or a beanie and glasses or something and we go to a simple chippy. No one will recognize you."

Henry thought about it. He was hungry too and she was right, it was unlikely that some paparazzo caught them in a fish and chip shop.

"Fine, let's get ready and go."

****

Two weeks later Henry still hadn't told Ella about Kelly and when he opened the Daily Mail in the morning he knew he wouldn't have to anymore. She could read and see it herself.

He almost spit out his coffee when he saw the pictures of Kelly and him in front of the little Asian supermarket, they had visited yesterday. They were kissing and hugging each other tightly in one picture and walking away from the shop hand in hand on the other.

Fuck...Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

Henry Cavill in love again. Has Superman finally found his Supergirl?

The headline made him want to puke.

That was bad. Henry had to talk to Ella before she saw this rubbish. He had to explain it to her. He got dressed in a hurry while he called his agent to cancel their 9 o'clock appointment. When he left the house he had a bad feeling, a very bad feeling.

****

tbc

#henry cavill #henry cavill fandom #cavillry #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x ofc #smut #henry cavill smut

[sugars-fluffy-escapes]

Good morniiiing! (Or afternoon, or midday, or evening, or even the middle of the night)

Whew! The closer I get to finally mailing out the filled out form for my autism screening, the more scared I get. Ramble under the cut, please skip if talks of ableism and impostor syndrome might distress you /gen /srs

Love you all lots! More fics are on the way!

~ Ushu ❤️

Because of the ableism I've experienced before when I was in the process of getting my ADHD diagnosis, I have a deep-rooted fear of not being taken seriously or heard. I'm certain I am autistic. It's been many months, very long months, nearly a year at this point, that I have been doing a lot of reflecting and research.

I think I'm experiencing a lot of impostor syndrome. My self doubt keeps sneaking up on me and telling me "you're faking, you're a fraud, you don't have this" but it's not fair for me to tell myself these things. Not after the hours I've spent really thinking and researching about this in order to learn more about myself. Everything I experience, my behaviors, my reactions, my traits, that I cannot explain with the ADHD label (which still explains other things, don't get me wrong), make complete, and perfect sense, under the Autism label /gen

And I won't write myself off as just simply being a shy introvert. I am introverted, and I am shy, but NT people can be introverted and shy too, so why am I just reduced to those two things when I know what I experience cannot just be chalked up to being shy. I'm fearful I'll be told it's only anxiety, but the thing is, this anxiety could very well be a result of ADHD and autism, in fact, I'm certain that it is!!!

I am thanking my lucky stars for my doctor and her team, who were immediate in hearing my inquiring, in hearing that I wanted to seek an autism screening, and listening to me. They referred me the same day I called. And the person I've seen has been very kind. I do hope she hears me a bit more in regards to my nonverbal episodes, because although people can shut off and not talk when they're anxious, this is very much not brought about by anxiety alone. I went nonverbal from being startled by my own burp! (This is still so funny to me) I've gone nonverbal from excitement and joy, not just distress.

Aside from that though, she's heard me out, validated me, and can see that I do know myself quite a bit. She's asked the right questions, and some of the same ones in different ways, and she vocally affirmed that she notices my answers do not change. We've already ruled some other disorders out, so despite my worries, I'm hopeful that before the end of this year, I will have my autism diagnosis 🥹🖤 And if not, I will keep going.

This journey of my self discovery has helped my mama too! At this point, I have concluded that one of the reasons my parents never brought up the possibility of me being autistic to the doctors when I was a kid, is because neither of them are neurotypical (which was already known. But it explains why they were not worried or startled by my behavior). They saw nothing wrong with my behavior or traits, they didn't see me as abnormal, they saw me as me. (ND children deserve to exist and enjoy life as themselves. They don't need fixing, they don't need curing. They need to be understood. ND people need to be understood, and heard. ND people should not have to be accommodating for NT people. This world already caters to NT people. Period) Mama saw herself in me. So, happy news, we're on the self discovery journey together!!! Autistic mom, and autistic firstborn 🖤

I hope to update with good news soon!!! Love you all lots! More fics are on the way!!!

~ Ushu 💚

#sugar-rambles #non tk #sugars' nd rambles

[cocosstories]

Chris Evans One Shot

Please could you write something about being your relationship with Chris from when you were babies/in elementary school and growing and starting your own family xx

Hiii can you do a Chris evans story about finding out you’re pregnant or in the delivery room! Thank you <3

It all started the first day of kindergarten. 

You were in the playground happily swinging by yourself when one of the boys in your class came and pushed you off.

"Are you ok?"

You hear someone ask and look up to see another little boy in your class holding out his hand to you. 

"I'm ok."

You smile shyly and take his hand, brushing off your clothes after he helps you up. 

"I'm Chris."

The boy says.

"I'm Y/N."

You reply.

From that day on, you and Chris became inseparable, hanging out all of the time.

Throughout the rest of elementary school and through Jr. High, gr he two of you remained close, always at eachothers houses. Not a day going by when you wouldn't talk to one another. 

Once you entered high school, people began assuming that you would end up together at some point.

You and Chris did your best to ignore your friends and even parents idle speculation but by junior year, you were having a hard time ignoring the obvious pull between you. 

The summer between junior and senior year, you finally couldn't take it anymore and kissed Chris for the first time. 

He was startled at first but felt everything you felt and more and gave in almost immediately.

From that day on, you were a couple and everyone you knew was sure that one day you would get married. 

Neither one of you wanted to rush things though, you were still kids and event though you were sure that they were right, you wanted to enjoy being a kid while you could.

You both graduated high school and Chris began his acting career while you went to school, your relationship as strong as ever.

After a few years, you moved in together and another year or so after that you got married.

"Babe?"

You hear Chris call out as you sit on the bathroom floor holding a pregnancy test in your hand. 

"Ba-bathroom"

You call back, your voice cracking as you shakingly wait for the results.

"What's going on? Wait. Is that what I think it is?"

Chris asks as he walks into the bathroom and sees the plastic stick in your hand as you nod.

Even though you hadn't officially said that you were trying for a baby, you and Chris desperately wanted to start a family.

"How much longer?"

He asks as he sits down next to you on the floor.

"Twenty seconds."

The timer finally goes off and both sets of eyes fall to the test in your hand.

"Oh my God! We're going to have a baby!"

You cry, seeing the positive result.

Chris pulls you up off the floor and into his arms, so happy and excited to finally be starting your family.

Nearly thirty five weeks later and you are two days away from your due date and absolutely miserable.

"Babe, what can I do?"

Chris asks as you groan trying to get comfortable on the couch.

"Tell your kid its time to vacate my uterus."

You say with a small laugh. 

"She will come soon. I know you are uncomfortable and ready to have her but she will be worth the wait."

He says sitting next to you, placing a big hand on your even bigger belly.

You sigh, knowing he is right and lay your head on his shoulder, always finding being cuddled up to your husband the most comfortable spot you could find.

An hour later, you are asleep in the same spot while Chris catches up on some sports center. 

"Oh God."

You wake up with a gasp and Chris looks at you curiously.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

He asks. 

"I think my water just broke."

You reply with wide eyes, not really sure what to do next.

"Ok, its alright lets get in the car and head to the hospital."

He says, trying to stay calm as he helps you up off the couch.

"Ooowww!"

You cry out grabbing onto your belly as the contractions begin and Chris holds onto you.

The hospital was only a few minutes away and once you were admitted and in placed in a room, you requested an epidural, knowing you would want it sooner or later. 

Within an hour the meds had been given and you were happily resting while your body went through the labor you couldn't feel.

You smile as you look over and see Chris asleep on the small hospital couch in your room. 

He had tried to stay awake but you knew how exhausted he was and were happy you both could get some rest before it was baby time.

A few hours later the epidural had worn off and you were nearly ready to start pushing.

Chris was right next to your bed, whispering encouragement in your ear as you worked through the painful contractions.

"Alright, Y/N, are you ready to start pushing?"

The doctor asks as she set everything up for delivery.

"God yes."

You say with an exasperated sigh.

Chris takes a damp towel and wipes your forehead, moving some sweat soaked hair from your face. 

"Ok lets have a baby."

You nod and begin pushing as instructed, doing your best to use the still painful contractions to bring your baby down.

"Aaaaahhhh"

You cry out as you finish another push.

"You're doing great, Y/N. It won't be long."

The doctor says.

"She's almost here babe. Our little girl. She's going to look just like you..."

"With your eyes.."

"Ok with my eyes. She will be beautiful and happy and so loved."

"And she will be a daddy's girl..."

"Well of course she will be a daddy's girl. I'm the only man she is allowed to have in her life until she is thirty."

Chris laughs as he continues to talk while you push again and again.

"Where would you be if my dad had said that? We met in kindergarten."

You remind him as you take a small break.

"Touche. But still...no boys."

You roll your eyes.

"Alright Y/N, the head is out."

The doctor announces and Chris takes a look.

"Holy shit. Sorry wow, she's really coming."

He says, watching with wide, teary eyes as your daughter comes into the world and the doctor places the crying infant on your chest. 

"Hi baby, shhh its ok. Its ok."

You cry along with your daughter as the nurse puts a blanket on top of her to cover her up.

"Chris?"

After calming the baby down, you look over to your husband who has tears streaming down his face as he looks at you and the baby. 

"I'm a dad."

He says almost as if he was trying to convince himself that it wasn't a dream.

"Babe, come here. Come meet our daughter."

You reach out for him and moves closer. 

Sobs come from him as he takes in every little feature of her face before burying his face in your shoulder.

"I've been so scared. Scared that I couldn't be the dad she deserves or the husband that you deserve but now that she's here, I just love her so much already. I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love you but I do."

He finally says looking up at you. 

"I know. I was scared too but look, she's here and we are a family. We've got this."

You say smiling at him then looking back down at your little girl who was now fast asleep.

A few hours later once everything had calmed down, you, Chris and your baby girl were curled up in bed together, enjoying your first night as a family.

"Thank you."

You say quietly.

"For what?"

Chris asks, looking up at you. 

"For her. For loving me. For helping me up off the ground when that bully pushed me off the swing when we were five. Thank you for spending your life with me. Thank you for all of it."

"I knew you would change my life that day. I didn't know how but the second I saw you hit the ground, even at five, I knew you belonged in my life."

He replied, carefully leaning over to kiss your head as you both fall asleep reminiscing of your life together over the years.

#dad! chris evans #Chris Evans One Shot #Chris Evans x reader #Chris Evans #Cocos stories

[nikarmy]

Equilibration ~ Prologue

Masterlist

Pairing: Waterbender! Jungkook x fem!Firebender Reader feat platonic!Bts

Genre: The Last Airbender Au, fluff, angst, kinda slowburn, s2l

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: judgemental stares in public, cursing, slight inner aggressiveness (how do you call that?), self hatred, mentions and descriptions of war,   childhood trauma, flashbacks, reader is insecure af, mentions of killed people and humans screaming out of fear,

The looks from the passengers started to intimidate you.

How should one react to unwanted attention? Stare back, insult them, ask them what's wrong, or put their powers to good use and knock them down? Fuck no. That's not the right thing to do.

But the old lady in the olive robe has been fixating her gaze on you since she entered the train, only stopping her inspection when a young man offered his seat to her 5 minutes ago. Unfortunately, as soon as she made herself comfortable on the metal bench, she restarted her action.

Her face looks remarkably punchable to you right now.

Red was never your favourite colour.

In fact, you despise it, even though it perfectly described you.

Anger, Aggressiveness and Harshness. Perhaps that's why you've been considered as a prodigy and as one of the most gifted trainees back in the fire nation. You are basically the embodiment of the hot flames, symbolizing destruction and war.

You hate it. And now your red attire made you hate the colour even more, as the result was having judging looks on you all the time.

Teachers, parents and elders of the fire nation always tell stories and legends about the benders of their kind, emphasizing their heroic actions, and everyone listens to them attentively.

Although you know these stories by heart, you longed for more, for a view outside of the borders that separate your people from the other elements.

You read folk stories of waterbenders, earthbenders and airbenders, satisfying your curiosity by practically studying their culture.

But the more you learned about the peaceful water tribe, the disciplined people of the earth kingdom and the imaginative

air nomads, the more you felt ashamed about the fire nation, about yourself.

The insecurities grew as your father forced you to join the military as a soon – to – be soldier at the tender age of 8. He wanted to “use your abilities to good use”, so you just went with the flow and trained along with other talented students, destined to end the war in a brutal way and make their parents proud.

Years went by, and not too long ago, marking a week now to be exact, you went on your first “mission” to a city of the earth kingdom, whose name you don't even know, to occupy them and take over their land in a brutal way.

The pictures of killed people and destroyed houses are engraved to your brain, highlighted by the destructive flames surrounding a once peaceful town. You'll never forget the children screaming on top of their lungs and the parents begging for their lives.

The next sleepless nights you sat at your desk and started making plans on how to escape the fire nation, whilst writing a goodbye note to your family and trying to persuade them to not search after you.

And now, days later, you are standing in a train to Ba Sing Se, not even having a clue on what to do next. Your backpack consists of a bottle of water, some sparing clothes (but still not much), your toothbrush and money.

Finally you hear the male voice on the speaker say the awaited words: “Ba Sing Se Central Station”. You leave out a sigh you didn't even know you were holding, glad to be at your destiny and also glad to get out of the stinking train with the rude old lady.

During your targetless walk through the city, you notice a lot of eyes on you, and to be honest, you don't blame them, you hate firebenders too.

So you guess a new start also means a new appearance, right? Luckily you walk past a thrift shop. Its appearance is very pretty, the building is made out of wood and warm tones, the curtains which could be seen behind the big windows were a light shade of green, above the small door you could see golden calligraphy spelling “Kim's Thrift Shop” in all it's pride. It's not modern, but it looks comfortable.

At exactly that moment you choose to enter and change your black and red attire to search for one with a colour that is much less hated, like blue, yellow or green.

Entering the shop you immediately face a young man behind the counter, and you swear you've never seen a more handsome human being before.

He had perfect features, his broad shoulders and his tall figure instantly catching your attention. His raven black hair was voluminous. He could easily pass as a prince.

As much as you drooled over him as a result of his striking lineaments, he looked at you, well, weirdly. That wouldn't surprise you if he looked at you like you were his enemy, just like the other people here, but he stared at you, like you were some kind of god. Like he is genuinely happy that you entered the store. His eyes light up with hope.

“FUCKING FINALLY! NAMJOON LOCK THE DOORS!”

What. The. Hell.

Never in your life have you been so confused. Does he want to kidnap you? Oh fuck he wants to kill you.

The only logical thing to do right now is turning around and leave the shop. And you do just that.

But as soon as you can grab the door knob with your right hand, another one holds it, preventing you from fleeing.

You look who this hand belongs to, and next to you stands a man with blue hair and tan skin. His biceps and height frighten you and you realize that you're in big trouble. He has a tight hold on your forearm and leads you to the backroom of the shop in a quick pace, behind you the black haired cashier.

The backroom looked comfortable, the carpeted floor creating a cozy feeling. But the atmosphere was the complete opposite.

Here you stand, surrounded by five boys. You inspect each other and you realize that two of them are airbenders.

There stands the cashier, then your eyes land on the guy who held your forearm as if his life depended on it, and a third guy who sat on the sofa. His appearance was remarkably charming, full lips, blond hair, round face and soft features, he was quite short compared to the others. All three of them have green clothing on, so you assume that they are earthbenders.

But what really catches your attention are the last two guys. They wear yellow and red robes, both of them having a blue arrow drawn through the middle of their foreheads.

You've never seen an airbender before.

“So umm sorry if we scared you back there” the blue haired guy interrupts your thoughts. “But we are really desperate for someone like you right now”

“Someone like... me?” You curiously ask.

“Yes. The guy there..”

he points to one of the airbenders. The boy has wavy dark hair and as soon the blue guy mentions him he flashes you a cute boxy smile.

“This is Tae. Short for Taehyung. He is someone special. You see, for how long has the last avatar died?”

“70 years ago.” you reply. It's true, Avatar Aang died many years ago, and that at the time the world needed him the most. If he was still here, the war could have been prevented before it even escalated.

“Yeah” he answered “Tae is the next one”.

You gasp lightly and feel your eyes coming out of their sockets from having them wide open in shock.

The avatar is standing right  in front of you.

“And we are searching for different benders who can teach him in all the elements. See, we kind of established a secret alliance against the Fire Lord, to end the war. He already knows that the avatar came back and is searching for Tae like crazy, we had to move out of our hidings four times now because he always managed to find us. Now we have to find teachers quickly, the sooner the better. Tae has to learn to be a great avatar so he can fight against the Lord. We thought we would never find someone from the Fire Nation, but then you came. Are you a firebender?”

“Yes?”

“Perfect, you're exactly who we're looking for. We'll cut you a deal. Since we assume you're not a spy, we ask you to be Taes teacher in mastering the art of firebending. In return, you'll get to live with us and we'll give you food for free. Jin is a great cook. I know this is a lot of information to handle right now, but what do you think?”

You didn't even think twice about it. Even though you don't know these guys, what do you have to loose? It's not like you had plans anyway. And stopping the fire nation seems to be just the right thing for you right now. And finally you can use your skills to good use, not for war.

“I'm in.”

Later you get introduced to all of them. The Avatar, Taehyung, is an airbender, and you swear you've never seen someone who behaves this childish before. But it's not a bad childish, in fact, it makes you feel jubilant. Maybe because his bright ambience makes up for the childhood you never had, the childhood you spent in training and learning that brutality is the way to power, and power is everything.

The guy with the blue hair is Namjoon, an earthbender and Taes teacher in that field. He seems like the leader of the group, always explaining and answering your questions.

The black haired handsome guy is Jin, a nonbender. He felt very excited when you said yes to joining them.

The other airbender is Hobi and also Taes teacher, the first thing you realize about him is his very contagious smile.

The blond dude is Jimin, a nonbender who is from an earth kingdom village.One day he knocked on their door of the shop and wanted to thrift there. But instead of finding clothes, he started talking to Tae who sat behind the counter. The Avatar liked him so much that he insisted on having him join the “Gang”.

The thrift shop actually belongs to Jins aunt, and sometimes, when he's in Ba Sing Se, he has to work here. It's also a good place to hide from the Fire Lord.

“So we need a waterbender too?” you examined.

“Yes” Namjoon was the only one to answer again “We have to travel to one of the tribes to find one. It won't be that hard.”

a/n: Thanks for reading! I would like to apologize if it’s bad, I’m not very content with my writing style, but I am working on it, since it’s my first fic and I have a long way to go:) What do you think?

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook fantasy au #bts x reader #bts fic #bts imagines #bts au #bts atla au #bts fanfction

[cyro-starfire]

Cyro meeting Lemon Monster for the first time - Lemcy fic

⚠️WARNINGS FOR THIS FIC: OC X CANON, VIOLENCE, CUSSING, KISSING, CRINGE⚠️

Character colors

Blue - Boyfriend

Red - Girlfriend

Green - Pico

Pink - Cyro

Orange - Lemon Monster

The night was still young, the stars shine brightly throughout the night sky, the full moon also gave a brilliant light that made the night seem less dark. Pico, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, and Cyro were having as friend's night out, just the four of them. They generally used their time in the night to goof around and have fun, visiting parks, getting ice cream and just messing around with each other.

As the night grew they decided to sleep over at Pico's place for the night, Girlfriend told her parents about it so they wouldn't panic if Girlfriend didn't get home tonight. On their way to Pico's house Pico noticed the mansion that Girlfriend's parent's had owned, the same one where Bee and Gee met the spooky kids Skid and Pump.

"Ayo, Bee, ain't that the same house you met those kids in?" Pico asked Boyfriend. "Hrm?" Boyfriend looked over and noticed the house. "Oh yeah, it is, what about it?" "Well ain't it also the same house where you told me you like dissed a weird lemon headed monster thing?" Pico added. "Uhh...y-yeah...? Where are you going with this Pico?" Boyfriend asked slightly nervous of what Pico's intentions could've possibly been...

"Well, it's been a long ass time since I had a good scare, not even Cassandra's stupid ass could scare me, you said the guy was genuinely terrifying, I wanna be the judge of that shit!" Pico exclaimed. "DUDE! ARE YOU FUCKIN INSANE? THAT FUCKER WANTED TO EAT ME AND BAE!" Boyfriend responded with a shocked screech. "Dude come on, how bad can it be for me? Besides, Gee can't die remember?" Pico tried to remind Boyfriend. "But he was still fucking creepy, even for a dearest like me." Girlfriend admitted.

"For real?" Pico asked, astounded by Girlfriend of all people admitting that. "Yeah dude." "Well if that's the case, i think it's about time you introduced me to him!" Pico chuckled. "DUDE NO! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! PLUS WHAT IF CYRO GETS HURT?!" Girlfriend states to Pico, obviously not happy that he would want to do something this reckless and life threatening. Pico looked at Cyro and felt bad that he almost forgot that they were there..."Well...you guys know I'll shoot up anything hostile." He responds bluntly. "Come on, it'll be worth it, i wanna meet this fucker" Girlfriend and Boyfriend looked at each other and then looked at Cyro for their input.

"o-o-oh uhm..." Cyro was taken aback by the situation being suddenly focused around them. "Do you think you'll be able to handle this shit Cy?" Boyfriend asks the alien in a gentle tone, as to not put more stress on Cy. "w-w-well i-i m-m-mean uh...i-i guess it sh-shouldn't b-be too b-bad if P-Pico is the o-one protecting us..." They replied quietly but not too quiet to where Bee and Gee couldn't hear. "You sure?" "I-I'm p-positive! P-Please don't w-worry about m-me too m-much!" Cyro reassures the two. Bee and Gee look at Cyro for a while and sighed. "Alright just...stay close to us alright?" Cyro nods in response.

Girlfriend finally responded to Pico "Okay, fine we'll go in again..." Pico cheered. "HELL YEAH! LES FUCKING GO!!!" Pico screamed out in joy as he immediately darted towards the mansion and wasted no time to get in, the other three followed but not as enthusiastic as Pico, they were more reluctant if anything, especially Girlfriend...

The inside of the mansion felt as dead and haunted as the first time Girlfriend and Boyfriend went inside it together for the first time. "I still hate looking at the inside of this hellscape babe..." Boyfriend shuddered. "Me too honey bun..." "Awe come on you guys are pussies!" Pico giggled. "EASY FOR YOU TO SAY MAN, YOU FUCKING KILLED A HUGE ASS ALIEN WHEN WE WERE IN FUCKING SCHOOL!" Boyfriend screeched at Pico in anger only making Pico laugh more. Cyro was shaking like a leaf, clinging tightly onto Girlfriend's red dress. "Y-You okay Cy?" Girlfriend asked, worried about the shivering alien. "i-i-i-i-i'm g-g-g-good..." Cyro whimpered silently.

"Okay this was obviously a bad idea, I'm pretty sure this place alone is gonna make Cy have a huge panic attack.." Boyfriend sighed but was cut off by Cyro. "N-N-NO! I-i-i-i-i'm okay, i-i promise...i-i-it's j-j-j-just c-c-cold here..." "You sure Cy?" Pico asked, concerned as well. "Y-Yeah...t-trust me g-guys i-i'm fine!" The alien tried their best to reassure the three, which only resulting in Pico, Bee and Gee sighing in unison, they couldn't just back out on this so quickly...right...?

After some time of exploring the mansion, it did take some time for Pico to get genuinely spooked by the place... "Wow...y'all weren't fuckin around..." He chuckled nervously. "This place is creepy as fuck...why do your parents even own this place to begin with Gee?" Girlfriend shrugged "I don't know man, sometimes they don't even make sense to me..." She responds. "Wait, so you admit your scared then?" Boyfriend asks with a slight giggle.

"WH-WHAT?! N-NO?! I AIN'T FUCKIN SCARED BEE!!" "Ya sure Pico?" Boyfriend giggled even more. "Your sure acting like your scared!" "THERE'S A FUCKIN DIFFERENCE WITH BEING SCARED AND BEING CREEPED OUT YOU FUCK NUT, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK ASS HEAD!" "Okay but your stuttering, your clearly pissing yourself dude." "NO I FUCKIN AIN'T!" "Yeah you are!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Pico screamed. And thus, an argument began with the two boys, Girlfriend sighed. Some things never really do change, do they? Cyro looked away from the arguing boys only to be met with an odd looking shadow in the distance. "h-h-h-huh?"

"g-g-guys...?" Cyro tried to get everyone's attention but they couldn't be heard over Boyfriend and Pico so they had to try again "G-Guys?" Still not being heard over, so Cyro took a deep breath and reluctantly scream to get their attention. "GUYS!" With them finally being heard all three of them turned their heads to look at the quivering alien. "Is something wrong Cy?"

"u-uh y-yeah, WHAT TH-THE FUCK IS THAT?!" The alien screeched in terror pointing at the lemon shaped shadow that was hiding behind a door. "What's wh- oh...oh no..." "B-B-Bee...?" "What the fu..." The shadow suddenly had a visible smile and finally spoke. "Well, well, well~ what do we have here~? A three course meal~? How thoughtful of you all~!" The voice was deep, soothing, and mesmerizing. The creature slowly opened the door and stepped out.

As seen through the shadow it had a yellow, lemon shaped head, it's eyes were huge with wide pupils within them, it's teeth were uncomfortably crooked, it's neck was a velvet red and the rest of it's body was a pitch, raven black, it had two fingers on each hand, and it had only two toes on each foot. The creature was very tall in compared to the four other beings within the room, it towered over all of them.

"It has been quite a long while since i have seen you two~! And i see you've brought that little schizophrenic ginger friend of yours~! And-" the monster paused to look at Cyro behind Girlfriend, still scared out of their mind. "Well now~! Who's this little friend of yours~? They look rather...appetizing~ in more ways then one if i must be so bold to say~!" He said, attempting to slowly approach Cy but was stopped by Girlfriend. "Don't go near them...O R E L S E . . ." She warned it with a growl, which only made the lemon headed monster roll its eyes in annoyance. "And you still don't know how to not be so RUDE..." The monster growled.

"Better not try jack shit bitch, i know how to use this thing." Pico aimed the gun towards the monster which only made it boom with laughter. "You think a puny little weapon like that scares me? How adorable~!" It chuckled before lunging at Girlfriend and attacked her which made Pico start firing bullets at the creature, and Cy ran as fast as they could into an empty hallway. Boyfriend stood still, he didn't wanna engage in the violence, he didn't sign up for this shit man...

After the monster and Girlfriend fought, monster while doing a number on Girlfriend decided that enough damage was done and went after Cyro. Pico and Boyfriend, instead of knowing Girlfriend can easily heal, and going after the monster and making sure he doesn't hurt them, went to Girlfriend to see if she was okay, Cyro was sobbing and whimpering while running, wanting to be home right now and not here.

"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!! I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA WHY DID I TRY TO LOOK BRAVE FOR EVERYONE HHHH!!!!" The alien screamed internally and wished that they were just honest so that none of this would be happening right now, after some running they found themself in a dead end, and what was worse is that they could hear the monster's footsteps. "NONONONONONONONONONO PLEASE PLEASE OH PLEASE I DON'T WANNA DIE, WHY ME, WHY ME. WHY ME!!!" As much as they hated themself, but they were still terrified of dying, especially like this...

The monster got closer and closer until he was visible again which only heightened Cyro's anxiety, their heart was pounding through their chest and their breathing was rapid, they could barley think straight at all. "There you are my dear~!" The monster cooed. "p-p-p-please leave m-m-me alone..." They whimpered quietly. "Oh don't worry dear~! I won't kill you~! Will i possibly hurt you? Maybe, but then again..." He got closer to them and pinned them against the wall, he slowly put his two fingered claws against their face, and caressed their face gently.

"I would feel guilty if i caused any sort of harm to an adorable and beautiful creature such as yourself~!" It whispered in their ear making Cyro blush deeply and shudder they were so confused by this behavior. "You know, i normally don't have such feelings for prey...but you...your different..." The monster explained to Cyro. "wh-what d-do you m-mean...?" "I mean what i mean my sweet cherry cake~! Your seem like such a delicate creature~!" The monster slowly moved it's claws under Cyro's chin and began to rub the bottom of their chin gently. Cyro couldn't help but purr at the sensation.

The monster chuckled at Cyro's purring, they were so adorable. "Perhaps i won't eat you~ your so sweet, I'm afraid that if I eat you, I'll get a cavity~!" The monster joked. Cyro didn't respond, they only continued to purr at the monster rubbing their chin, until he took his claw away from their chin which only made them whine. "wh-why'd y-you st-" they were interrupted by the monster giving them a soft and gentle kiss on the lips, which surprised Cyro at first, but they slowly sunk into the kiss and kissed the monster back. There was some time before they broke away from the kiss, Cyro panted softly while looking at the creature

The monster chuckled. "While i would love to keep you, i fear that i have aggravated your friends enough, so unfortunately this will be goodbye for now, but i will be back soon, my little prey, until we meet again~!" The monster whispered to them beore giving them a kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the shadows again. Which only left Cyro in confusion but at the same time, they felt like they've fallen in love again.

After some time Pico, Boyfriend and Girlfriend found Cy, fortunately for them Cyro was okay, and the four of them darted out of the house as soon as fucking possible. Cyro never really forgot about that day ever since...

#stfu cy #tw fnf #fnf tw #icon used for this was made by @cozykincafe #fnf fic #fnf fanfic #friday night funkin fic #friday night funkin fanfiction #fnf monster #fnf lemon monster #fnf lemon demon #fnf boyfriend #fnf bf #fnf girlfriend #fnf gf #fnf pico #fnf oc #friday night funkin oc #oc x canon #lemcy #cyro #cyro starfire #cyro x lemon monster #cyro x monster #cyro x lemon demon #pico #monster fnf #lemon monster fnf #lemon demon fnf #cy's shitty fanfics