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#I'm probably gonna miss a couple tags but I want them to know that they're very much included anyway
mayariviolet · 20 days
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I Don’t Smoke.
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Pilot/ Episode One of ‘First Love/ Late Spring’
summary:
“So if you need to be mean, be mean to me. I can take it and put it inside of me.” // “I’m stronger than you give me credit for.”
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Some letters addressed to Suguru before and after he defected were written by you, still in their sealed envelopes.
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cw: angst, no use of y/n, allusions to graphic violence, swearing, suggestive themes (but not really), references to blood, afab ‘reader’ x Suguru (I put the reader in quotations because technically they’re the ones writing the letters), fluff (if you squint really really hard), minor f! reader x Satoru.
a/n: I wanted to try something new! I love you, Geto Suguru! My bad for what I’m gonna do! Also on Ao3.
wc: ~4.5k
🏷️: @tacobellfreshavocado, @jeanboyjean (Reply below to let me know if you want to be tagged in the next chapters!).
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September 2007
The day before, he defected…
Dear Suguru,
I'm slipping this under your door because I'm feeling a little exhausted after our last conversation. Even though it's been a while. I know our last argument has been 'solved' per se.
But consider this insurance if I don't wake up in time to say goodbye like I usually do! I've been feeling a little more drained lately; I'm sure you know why. I'll keep writing like this if this mission takes a long time. Although, I know we will talk soon. Good luck tomorrow!
With love,
Two days after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
It still feels weird doing this since we haven't talked like this since we were kids, but anyway. We haven't spoken in a couple of days. It's kind of like when we were kids, too. I guess. I heard Satoru and Yaga talking the other day, but I couldn't fully understand what they said. Only bits and pieces. It's like they cast a curtain in the hallway… haha… I know I'm eavesdropping again (don't tell my parents), but I can't help it! It's hard to get any honest conversations out of anyone here. Yaga is probably on our ass about that assignment we haven't finished. I mean- I'm just waiting for you to do your part. Suppose that isn't too much to ask.
Also, they should have fixed my door if they didn't want anyone to hear! It's still creaking! Maybe when you get back, you could also look at it. I'll probably slip this into your room again. But you don't have to respond right away. Just take your time. I know you've been busy going on all of these missions alone. I'm sorry about that. You're probably exhausted. I don't blame you.
Just know that my door is always open (unfortunately).
With love,
Five days after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
Satoru fixed my door finally! He truly is good at everything. It feels emptier without you here, even though it hasn't been long. But you'll be back soon to fill the void. If you visit your parents, could you tell them I said hi? Mine too. I miss them greatly, but I know our work will make them proud. Satoru has been hanging around my room more, even after some tough training sessions. It's friendly company, but it's not you. He won't tell me why he's always loitering in our my room.
I forgot to mention that he asked me to heal his hand in my last letter. It's strange since he can do it himself, but I digress. It felt… nice to be wanted. Even Shoko seems gloomy! Uncharacteristic for her… Do you think she and Utahime got in a fight? Anyway, she's been helping me with my technique and some hand-to-hand combat stuff! It's a little hard to follow, probably because we train in my room. I wish I were granted a little more space…
Shoko also helped me finish our assignment- we got an A! I hope Yaga isn't too mad, but he's been getting quiet whenever I ask about you. Rather weird, but not as weird as Kento's haircut, right?
They're calling for heavy rainfall soon (according to that sweaty weatherman we liked to make fun of), but at least it's better than the unbearable heat. However, you felt the sting of summer more than anyone.
If you're home, eat more and say hi to my parents! They always tell me how you'll change the world one day.
With love,
One week since he defected…
Dear Suguru,
Sorry about this letter being so close to my last one, but I feel bad. Kento's been avoiding me lately despite not saying anything about his haircut. Then again, he's been avoiding everyone. Do you think he knows what I wrote? Hopefully not. As I write this, I can hear him shuffling back and forth. Inside and then outside. His heavy shoes hitting the stone walkways reverberate in my room.
Haibara, being gone, has started to settle in even though I wasn't as close to him as Kento or you. Is the work we do… is it worth something? It has to, right? Otherwise, you wouldn't be taking so long. This letter is a bit of a throwaway, so don't worry too much about responding.
With love,
One and a half weeks after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
Kento left. The rain is starting to get worse, but it's still manageable. Thankfully, Yaga gave me that empty patch near our dormitory to start gardening. I'm planning on planting some yellow roses, amongst other things. They remind me of you. The cicadas seem to be chirping a little louder every night. Maybe they're having nightmares about Riko, too.
With love,
Two weeks after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
It's been getting bad again. I wish you were here.
Do away missions usually take this long? I can't remember since Yaga has kept me holed up. I forgot to mention that in my last letters. Something about the higher-ups wanting to 'keep tabs on Satoru and me.' It's weird because Satoru can strut around, but I'm just confined to the campus.
However, he is kind enough to get me sweets whenever he heads into the city (he teases me about my sweet tooth, but he's worse!). I'll have to get used to telling him which ones I like before he spends his money, unlike you, who always got it right. I think Satoru just likes to eat my leftovers…
The days are starting to blur together.
With love,
Two and a half weeks since he defected…
Dear Suguru,
I think my technique is getting worse. You'd say otherwise and that I'm only getting better, and then give me a big hug. Is it creepy to say that I miss the smell of your shampoo? Probably. But it was so strong that it burrowed into my senses, like Satoru's six eyes. Since you've left, I'm unsure what to do with my free time.
I hope the break you are taking from school is refreshing. Heaven knows you need it. Hell, you deserve it. The tree we used to read under together is already yellow and threatening to drop its leaves, and the sun is starting to set earlier. Shoko offered me a smoke, and I felt…relief. Maybe I'll start doing that instead of thinking about how you take your tea. Sorry, I know how much you hated the idea of smoking.
My parents stopped answering my calls (they have been for a while). Even writing this feels like a waste, but I know you'll respond soon. Feel free to do it in person. My door is fixed now, but it is always open for you.
With love,
Your dear friend
Three weeks after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
It's been hushed lately. The cicadas stopped screaming, but I haven't. I walk by your room every day. It's weird. I used to get annoyed whenever you and Satoru were loud, especially when we had early missions. I would storm into your room, ready to be angry, but then you would flash me that beautiful smile, and everything else seemed to matter a little less.
Sometimes, I think you guys liked to make me mad on purpose, but I know it was all love. However, in your absence, I realized silence is worse. Suppose you cared, probably not since you haven't answered my letters. Shoko said my RCT has been getting better than before. People keep saying I'm an "asset" because of it. It's stupid because I don't feel like one. If I were, then you would have asked me to come with you. I wish you asked me to go with you.
Your dear,
With love,
Your dear friend.
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October 2007
Four weeks after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
Sorry about the short letter. Satoru is a little freer these days, so I guess I found something to fill the silence. Digimon is cooler than I thought! It's a little hard to understand sometimes, kind of like you. He's been spending more time in my room. I hope that doesn't bother you, considering our last conversation. Then again, we didn't talk much before you left, so you probably don't remember. Please come back soon.
With love,
Your dear friend.
Four and a half weeks after he defected…
Dear Suguru,
I have been missing the way you make me tea. So, I've been desperately trying to recreate it to no avail. Satoru suggested I add honey, and it made it almost too sweet. Still good, though. I realized on my third cup that what makes it special is you. But enough of that. Today, Satoru has been giving me tips and ideas on what to plant next season. He suggested some lily of the valley or some iris! I'm surprised he hasn't tried to convince me to plant some flowers that are as blue as his eyes. Granted, they are beautiful. Sorry, I should refrain from talking about how nice they are. He's been itching to tell me something, but I told him that we should wait until you come back.
With love,
Your dear friend.
Five weeks after he defected…
Suguru,
Satoru finally told me what you did. I'm getting that shaking rage again. There's a pain so deeply woven into my soul that my technique could never heal. I know writing these letters used to help us solve our problems when we were kids, but honestly? This feels a little ridiculous now.
There's not much I can say other than I hope wherever you are, there's eternal suffering- that whatever vomit-soaked rag curse you consume next swallows you whole. How dare you do this to our my family?
There's no way you could have known this, but after our weekly dinners, my dad used to go on and on about you. How you were 'the child they never had.'
How fucked up is that? I remember thinking, 'I'm here too! I'm here too!' They saw no value in something that couldn't clean up the fucking trash they created. That much was true. You saw that every time my father made ME cry, he made ME apologize.
Imagine a CHILD begging to be loved when that's all they should ever feel. I was just a KID. How burdensome it must be to demand what should come as second nature for parents. Their pure vitriolic energy seeped into my heart one night, and I considered destroying everything.
You knew that, and it was YOU who stopped me. Just like how you stopped Satoru after that day. God, you're a fucking hypocrite! Well, that doesn't matter anymore, does it? I was so close to getting their love back to how it was when I was six and didn't know anything. You stripped that away from me. God, you are such an asshole. Did you think you were doing me a favour? I keep replaying our last conversation in my mind. Each time, it's getting fuzzier, like a broken VCR tape. Rather than trying to remember how you smiled (which I am glad I am forgetting), I see this dingy aura. This whole 'monkey' talk is just the ramblings of a broken man, and I am not your repair shop.
You're a goddamn psychotic and selfish prick. How dare you murder all of those innocent people? What happened to us, making the world a better place? Was it all a lie? Just like another drunken kiss, perhaps? These stupid fucking letters never did anything when we fought as kids, and both of our parents made us you apologize like this.
You've poisoned us, me. There's not much else I can write other than I fucking loathe you. I always did. You were constantly parading around like you cared about me. You were saying that your 'Special Grade' status would never get in the way. How stupid was I to think that wouldn't get in the way because you were supposed to care for me? At least that's what you said to me repeatedly.
You were right about that. It wasn't your status. It was you. It was always you.
Yours,
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January 2008
Three months after he defected… 
Geto,
I don't regret what I said in my last letter. As I write this, the trees which granted us shade now threaten to break underneath the weight of the snowfall. Which we have been fortunate enough to get. There are icicles that hang on my window sill. Clear and cold. It reminds me of how you're soulless and void of any emotion. Ten years of friendship have gone down the drain for a fucking pipe dream.
And what a waste! When I scream at night from the memory of you, Satoru comes into my room now. He holds me until the sun rises and I've calmed down enough or until I pass out from exhaustion. I hope this information wounds the depths of your soul. If you even had one, to begin with.
A friend
Three and a half months after he defected…
Geto,
I've been smoking more.
Almost four months after he defected…
Geto,
Satoru and I have been getting close. I'm unsure why I'm telling you this again or even why I keep writing these letters, but whatever. I've been going on more missions. Digimon, missions, sweets, and then staring at the dust that coats your bedroom door. It's a little repetitive and draining, for sure. But then again, so was loving you.
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February 3rd, 2008
Geto,
Do you remember when we first met? I do. This slimy worm thing smelled awful, and it kept following me! It had just rained, so I thought, 'Oh, maybe it's just the mud that was still on my backpack after that kid pushed me.' Which was a little annoying because I was on my way to that grandmother's house to tend to her garden. No matter how far I walked, the smell kept following me.
You were trudging behind closely, and with one quick gulp, there was an overwhelming relief in my body. It was as if Sisyphus was able to complete his task. Then again, you're more like Sisyphus than I ever will be. I understand that now. Maybe that's why you kept me away after what happened with Tengen. Or, I should say what didn't.
I'm sorry I didn't do enough back then and also that I ran away after you helped me when we were younger. Then again, when I tried apologizing for running away while braiding your beautiful hair like always, you said it was fine.
I don't know why I'm writing this letter, to be honest. Maybe it's because I'm feeling nostalgic.
From your former classmate,
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April 2008
Six months since he defected…
Geto,
I have been thinking a lot about our childhood, our parents' expectations and just things of that sort. In general, I've been thinking about a lot and nothing at the same time. Mostly, I think about how stupid I am to keep writing to a man who would rather burn the whole world than try to nourish it. This is more for me than it is for you at this point.
My garden has been flourishing (well, it's attempting to). But Satoru is very encouraging when things get overwatered, and also a little annoying about the technicalities of it all. Satoru twiddling his thumbs while I tend to my wisteria tree is comforting, to say the least. Even though I know he is just itching to help. Sometimes, I let him.
From your former classmate,
Six and a half months since he defected…
Geto,
I think we're planning to move somewhere else soon, just as roommates, though. It was Satoru's idea. He made a good point of needing a change of scenery. Also, he has been very comforting in general, so I don't mind. I know whatever house or apartment he decides to buy will be way better than the hovel you're living in (hopefully).
From your former classmate,
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May 2008
Seven months since he defected…
Geto,
The house Satoru picked out is very nice indeed. However, I expect nothing less from a clan head. My room is spacious, and it overlooks some lovely green spaces. It is a nice break for my eyes. Thankfully, it's still close enough where I can tend to the garden on campus, but Satoru was also smart enough to find a house where I can expand my green thumb. If need be.
It makes me miss our old town. When we had the warm summer sun kiss our faces, the promise of a better tomorrow. I almost asked Satoru if he wanted to visit whenever he had free time.
Although, he always makes himself free whenever I ask. But then I remembered that our youth, or lack thereof, is simply a ghost that will always haunt me. He's a good friend.
I still hope you're struggling. However, from what I have heard, you were able to take over the Star Plasma Church quickly. Or whatever you call it now. Congratulations. You've become everything you hate.
From your former classmate,
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July 2008
Almost one year since he defected…
Geto,
It's approaching that time again. Sorry. I meant the anniversary of what happened. I think I have been able to process most of the merger that never happened. You were trying your best to stay as righteous as possible. I admire that about you. I've always struggled with that, but I guess I did better at masking it than you.
I know I said this before, but I am genuinely sorry about not doing enough back then. I went ahead and got myself stupidly injured when I should have stayed with you instead of following Satoru. He could protect himself. I'm not saying you aren't able to, but I guess I wanted you to see how strong I am. I want to say that none of it was your fault.
Although the hardship you've created after what happened with Riko is.
From your former classmate,
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September 2008
One year since he defected…
Geto,
It's been more than a year since I last saw you. Summer came and went. Satoru and I were actually able to get our schedules lined up to visit Okinawa. It was a little painful, and I was reluctant. But you know him, it's hard to say no. He even checked the plane for anything that would be amiss.
'Cross my six eyes and hope to die, there's nothing here!' he told me when I was annoyingly asking for reassurance. I couldn't help but feel a swelling in my chest that I thought would never return. Once we actually arrived, it was a very relaxing time (He's finally figured out how to make my tea just how I like it).
It was such a nice gesture, and he was kind about the whole thing, so I bought him some sweets and wrote a note. He asked me if I would ever want to return, and I was about to insist that you come as well.
Luckily, we arrived back in Tokyo before the rain started to pick up. I've been getting assigned more missions, but this is what I've been working towards. Cleaning up your mess, no doubt.
From your former classmate,
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August 2009
Almost two years since he defected…
Geto,
One of the more fucked up things in my life (other than continuing to write letters you'll never read) is how even after all this time, you are the only person I want to talk to. Shoko is going to school to become a doctor soon; from what I heard, Kento is doing well and- Satoru is a good boyfriend and a better dad.
Someone who knew you,
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September 2009
Two years after he defected…
Geto,
I should have clarified in my last letter I am not pregnant. There are parts of my body that will always belong to you, no matter who decides to enter our home. Satoru adopted this boy and his sister. I didn't bother asking how or why we spent weeks tracking two orphans.
I know, even if Satoru won't tell me.
It's a little daunting sometimes being young parents. But I'm trying my best not to repeat any mistakes my parents made. However, there are certain moments when I can feel my father's venom come out to try to sting Megumi or Tsumiki. I would never let that happen.
I'm getting stronger for their sake. Maybe I'll try to cheat my way through medical school like Shoko.
From your former classmate,
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December 22nd 2009
Two years after he defected…
Geto,
It's blistering outside but I will write something quickly as I am preparing for Megumi's birthday. Satoru and I have been making hasty preparations and a crappy cake (he insisted we tried when I said that I always wanted a nice homemade cake when I was younger) that will no doubt be replaced by one from a much better bakery. For a while, I was feeling jaded and jealous about how lavish Megumi's birthday party would be. But then I thought back to all of my birthdays those long forgotten years ago and thought about how I am so glad to have an opportunity to shelter a child from that experience.
In my reflections, I remembered your sleepy eyes and face smeared with an ice cream vanilla cake that your parents bought for me. I was fuming. Especially since my dad forced us to take a picture shortly after. I did a pretty good job of hiding it, though.
While moving to our new house, something fell out of my journal. It was the picture of that day. I'm sure you've thrown away your copy to forget your old life rightfully. Tsumiki came into my room right as I was about to put it away and asked who the dirty kid was in the photo. At first, I thought she was referring to me, but when I asked her to repeat the question nicely, she pointed to you. I told her the truth.
'It's just an old friend.'
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March 2011
Three and a half years after he defected…
Dear Geto,
There are so many letters I have written, but I decided this is the best one for now.
Satoru is kind enough not to notice my fervent writings to a man I've been mourning who isn't even dead. I understand what you did. Sometimes, I'm even jealous that you had the courage to take action. You were trying in your way.
I have always felt like a passive observer, but now that love I carried for you burdens my family instead, with Satoru taking the brunt of it. I don't know if you remember, but you told me you wanted that. A family. Our family. Then again, I was half asleep, and I could have dreamed of you whispering that to me as I was lulled in the safety of your arms.
Wherever you are, I hope someone can give you what you deserve.
From an old friend,
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September 2012
Five years after he defected…
My Dear, Geto,
I apologize for not writing that much. Then again, no designation could ever accurately describe our relationship. There's not much else to say other than I miss you. I finally cut my hair, not by choice. My son decided that gum belonged to my hair rather than a tissue thrown promptly into the garbage. I was annoyed, but then I remembered what a blessing it is to have him in my life. The ability to live in a world free of curses… I hope you're able to give it to him.
Maybe he'll inherit his father's technique one day. Perhaps not six-eyes since it seems a little exhausting. Once he's a little older, we'll find out, and then I will finally be able to return to work (despite Satoru's strong objections) alongside Shoko with less worry. Then again, if he were not to have a technique at all, I think that would be a greater blessing.
I do not wish to pass on the burden of our sins.
I just hope that if the time comes and he has nothing to protect himself from this unforgiving world, you will spare a child who has the wonder in his eyes you once had.
If I'm being honest, I knew you would never come back. I understood that the moment I slipped that note under your door only to find it unlocked and stripped clean. Still, a naive part of me kept writing and hoarding all the love I had for you in the hopes that you would one day return and take it all.
My garden, both on campus and at my home, is sprawling. In the spring, my children like to play in the large backyard pond. They're careful not to disturb the lotus that I've been careful to curate. Sometimes, I blink, and there are flashes of our childhood that I see. Specifically, summers which were spent in that grandmother's yard, tending to her vegetables and running errands. I hoped you would never tire of me dragging you along to this random grandmother's house, but deep down, I know you liked helping her as much as I did. It was a nice escape from the chaos of it all. I really started dreaming in those peaceful moments spent with you in that old house.
I have forgiven my parents, and now it's time that I try to accept what you did, along with the things I cannot change.
There has been an unnerving comfort in speaking to the ghost of who you once were. This will be my last letter for a while. Even though my writing, in general, has been sparse. I have a family, after all. I'm sure you do, too. I may be imagining things, but lately, these twin girls have been popping up wherever I go.
It seems stupid, I know, but they remind me of you despite their brown hair and large eyes. Both of which emit a warmth that I once felt whenever intertwined. In another life, maybe they could have been ours. Satoru listens to my concerns and is quick to calm me down. Ever since he's been checking in on me, I don't have nightmares anymore.
Sure, some nights are more challenging than others, but he whispers such lovely things that I can't help but fall asleep faster than I did with you. Sorry. That was an asshole thing of me to write. But I thought you would like to know I am being cared for.
You were my first love and best friend. My one and only.
With love,
Your dear, friend.
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a/n: This is my first time trying this format, and I really like it! I might try it with another series of characters once I finish this. Also, the other chapters are written, but I am very anal about editing, so they're gonna have staggered uploads throughout March and April!
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© Please do not copy or replicate my work. Inspiration is appreciated, but credit properly! ♡
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missdictatorme · 2 years
Text
Sharing is Caring 🍑💦
Pairings: Marc (Moon Bois) x Layla x F!Reader
Genre: Fluff, Smut
Warnings: threesome, Marc and Layla being soft doms(?), daddy kink, dirty talk, name calling
A/N: it's just a silly lame smuttish imagine-turned-fic about the hot couple that is Marc and Layla featuring Layla's best friend, you.
I should be writing Limitless, but my mind got distracted oops 🥴 I left a wet patch on the bed writing this
This is filthy smut guys. Dirty. Nasty. I go hide in a corner now 🙈
Tagging: @marvelescvpe @lenafromthenordiccoven @stevengrants0sugarmommy @eyelessfaces @naokow @suffering-and-happy-about-it @vayollie @marisferasiop @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction
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Imagine having Layla as your best friend, but you live in a different city. You miss spending time with each other so she asks you to visit her for a week.
"And where will I be staying? I don't really have money to spend a whole week in a hotel."
"Oh, you can stay with us!"
"I don't know. Is Marc gonna be okay with it?"
"Of course! He wants to meet you. I talk about you non stop, it's time for him to finally meet you!"
"Okay, I'll aks my boss for a week off, then I text you!"
So a few weeks later you look around in excitement at the airport and you notice her and Marc hurry towards you.
"Babe!" - Layla raises her arm and yells and you sprint to her.
"Oh my god, it's been ages!" - you laugh as you embrace each other and Marc lifts an eyebrow when he sees you two greet each other with a kick peck on each others' lips.
'Oh, I already like her.' - Marc could practically hear the smirk in Jake's voice.
'Don't be a jerk, Jake, it's probably natural where she comes from.' - Steven said.
'Sí, if she comes from a shooting of a lesbian movie.'
Marc coughed and Layla let go of you, and she turned to him to introduce you two.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Marc! Layla is a very lucky woman!"
Layla and you giggled as Marc blushed at the compliment and she took your hand and interlaced her fingers with yours.
"Come on, we're gonna show you around in the city!"
'Does your wife has other girlfriends? So all of us can have one?'
'Jake!'
-----
You loved London, the only thing you weren't fond of was the weather. It was your second day in the city, yesterday Layla and Marc took you to see the sights and then you had dinner at their favourite restaurant, and today you and Layla went shopping, spending almost all day together. You only now realized how much you missed each other that you were finally together again.
'Do you think they're buying lingerie?'
"Jake, for fuck's sake!" - Marc groaned as he threw the car magazine on the coffee table, while his alter snickered.
'Let the man dream a little, I mean I wouldn't mind if Layla surprised us with a new set of sexy underwear.'
"Steven, I'm pretty sure Jake meant that he wants both of them to come home with new lingerie."
'Sí, what about you, mi amigos?'
'I mean she's pretty.'
"Stop! Both of you! End of conversation!" - Marc said as he stood up to go to the kitchen, just when you and Layla came home with arms full of bags.
'Intimissimi bag detected.' - Jake whispered.
'In both girls' arms.' - Steven added.
Marc's left eye twitched as Layla and you approached him with loud giggles and you put all bags on the kitchen table while Layla kissed his lips quickly.
"You had fun?" - he asked with a smile as he took a sip from his beer.
"Yeah! Sorry, I spent a little bit more than I originally planned." - she said sheepishly.
"But don't worry, she's gonna make it up to you!" - you laughed as you pulled out a dark red lacy bra from one of her bags and held it in front of her chest.
"You're such a bitch, oh my god!" - she squealed as Marc choked on the beer.
She snatched it out of your hand and hit you with it.
'Dios mío! Let me front right now!'
'Or me, I can break up a fight.' - Steven wiggled his eyebrows.
Marc coughed a little and Layla turned to him. She patted his back a little.
"Oh, baby, are you okay?"
'No, take off your shirt.' - Jake said.
"Yeah, yeah, just fine." - he waved his hand and then he started caressing her back. - "Did you buy me something too?" - he lifted an eyebrow with a sly smile.
"We just showed you." - Layla winked. - "And if you'll be a good boy you can see more." - she purred and wrapped her arms around Marc's neck and brought his face down for a kiss.
Marc moaned a little when she licked his lips and he opened his mouth to kiss her back.
He opened his eyes and saw you checking her out with a smile on your face.
'Oh shit, I like where this is going.' - Jake said excited, but he pouted when you gathered your bags and went into the guestroom you stayed at.
'You jinxed it!' - Steven snapped at him.
-----
'Do every women do that?' - Steven asked as Marc was making hot chocolate for all three of you in the kitchen while he watched with the boys as you and Layla cuddled on the couch. Layla was laying against the backrest and you were leaning against her side while her arm was around your shoulder and yours was around her waist, resting at her hip, while your other hands were in her lap, as you played with each others' fingers.
"I think so." - Marc said quietly.
'Bro, this is literally the beginning of every lesbian porn in existence.' - Jake groaned.
Marc ignored him and grabbed each mug, then walked back into the livingroom.
You sat up straighter when he held your drink in front of you and you thanked him.
Layla scooted closer to you so Marc could sit down too. He wrapped his arm around Layla as she leaned back against him and he bit his lower lip when you leaned against Layla again, and he saw as she lightly caressed your lower back.
"Are you girls comfortable?" - he asked, trying to sound casual.
Both of you hummed as you sipped on your hot chocolate, but Layla hissed as she sat up a little.
"Shit!"
Marc saw that a few drops of chocolate landed on her bare thigh, just under the bottom of her shorts. His eyes widened when you wiped it off with your finger then licked it off as you looked up at her and both of you giggled.
"Thanks babe."
"You're welcome, sweetie."
'If I hear those slutty giggles again I'm gonna...'
'Man, this is gonna be a bloody long night.'
-----
On the third day you spent the majority of the day in the flat, since it was raining almost non stop outside. Both you and Layla were sitting on the couch facing each other, having the others feet in your laps as you painted each others' toenails, wearing only a pair of shorts and thin tight tops.
Marc was eating in the kitchen, making sure he was facing the livingroom as Jake requested. He was having a great time watching the two of you interact, especially because you two often looked in their way, whispering and giggling quietly.
'Ten bucks that she is telling her how great we are in bed.' - Jake said smugly.
'No way.' - Steven gasped.
'Steven, women talk about stuff like that all the time.'
'Still, Layla would never spill those things.'
You both looked at them again as Layla leaned forward and whispered something. Your eyes widened then you both burst out in giggles.
"Looks like she just did." - Marc murmured.
'Are you okay with it?' - Steven asked him.
'Of course he is, it's not like there's anything we should be ashamed of!' - Jake said proudly. - 'Maybe we should give her a first hand experience.'
"Jake!" - Marc hissed.
'You're such an idiot.' - Steven rolled his eyes.
'Just horny.' - Jake pouted. - 'We didn't do it since she's here.'
"It would be weird. She's in the next room."
'So? Maybe if she hears Layla, she would wanna join.'
Marc groaned and stood up with a roll of his eyes. He put the plate and fork in the sink then walked towards the door. He had to get outta there or else he'd go mad.
"Where are you going, baby?" - Layla asked.
"Ran out of beer. You girls want something?"
You both gave him suggestive looks then shook your heads smirking.
'Oh mierda.'
Marc grinned, winked at Layla, then walked out of the door.
'Why did you leave, pendejo?! It just started to get interesting!'
"Because you're being impossible! They're best friends!"
'Exactly! They share everything! Including us!'
'She doesn't even know you exist, idiot.'
'Well, if Marc keeps being a pussy, I might introduce myself.'
"No chance in hell, bud."
-----
"Why did you leave so suddenly earlier?" - Layla asked Marc as they laid in bed.
"Jake likes your little friend a little bit too much."
Layla smiled and scooted closer to Marc.
"Really? What about Steven?"
"He thinks she's pretty too."
"Mhmm. And what do you think?"
Marc lifted one of his eyebrows.
"Why are you asking?"
"Just curious." - she smiled innocently, but both of them jumped when there was a loud thunder outside.
"Uh-oh." - Layla said and she turned towards the open door.
Soon enough they saw your figure emerge there, in black panties and a pink camisole, hugging yourself.
"Oh, baby, it's okay, come here." Layla said as she sat up and reached her hand out to you.
"It's so silly, I'm so sorry." - you said ashamed as you sat at the edge of the bed and took her hand in yours.
There was another roaring thunder and you whimpered when the lamp on the bedside table turned off suddenly.
"Come on, you can be in the middle, Marc doesn't mind, does he?" - Layla asked pointedly and Marc froze for a second.
"N-no. Of course not."
You let Layla pull you over her and you laid down facing Marc, while she spooned you from behind. You scooted a little backwards, feeling safe in her arms.
Marc cleared his throat as he got comfortable, laying on his back, keeping a little bit of distance.
'Can't you see she's scared? You should comfort her.' - Jake said suggestively.
Marc ignored him and gulped loudly.
'I don't like thunderstorms either. It feels nice being hugged during it.' - Steven said, but Marc stayed where he was.
There was another loud thunder and Marc felt you jump. He felt a hand on his arm and he saw as Layla pulled on it to make him face you.
He sighed and scooted closer to you, wrapping that arm around you and her.
"See? You're safe with us, it's okay." - Layla whispered and Marc saw as she kissed your shoulder, which made you shiver a little.
He felt as you put your arm around his waist.
'Hmm, comfy.' - Jake sighed in content.
Marc's ears perked up when he heard a quiet moan from you. He looked down and saw that Layla was caressing your thigh and side.
"Do you feel better?" - she asked and you nodded. You looked behind and kissed her on the lips.
"Yes, thank you."
Marc's eyes almost fell out of his head. It wasn't a small peck like at the airport. In the dim light he could see as you captured her lower lip between yours and sucked on it a little.
'Ah, I knew it.' - Jake growled.
'Oh, this is quite a sight.' - Steven sighed dreamily.
"Why don't you thank Marc too? He's doing a good job keeping you safe too, don't you think?"
You nodded again and turned your head back. You leaned forward and gave Marc a similar kiss.
Marc returned it then started caressing your thigh too, his hand sometimes met with Layla's. Until hers diappeared under your thin top and Marc could see it cup your breast, kneading it softly. The action pulled a beautiful sound from you and you lifted your leg over Marc's hip, who scooted closer to you, until his growing erection met the hot wet spot between your legs.
"That's it, baby, relax. We're here. We're gonna keep you safe. Take good care of you." - Layla said as she kissed her way up your neck and you turned your head again to kiss her on the lips.
Marc saw her tongue enter your mouth and you licked back into hers, his cock turning impossibly hard at the sight. He rolled his hips into yours more, his bulge rubbed deliciously against your clothed pussy. It made you moan into Layla's mouth who grabbed the top of your camisole and pulled it down roughly, freeing one of your breasts. Marc leaned over and kissed it, licking your nipple then he hungrily sucked as much of your tit in his mouth as he could, biting and growling at the softness of it. His hands grabbed your panties and he started pulling them down from you.
'So pretty.' - Steven moaned.
'Our new little fucktoy.' - Jake growled.
Marc and Layla pulled away from you a little so he can get your panties off completely, while she pulled off your top as she made you turn on your back. She grabbed one of your thighs and pulled on it, while Marc pushed on the other and he didn't hesitate licking into your wetness. You moaned loudly as you pulled your hips back a little. Seeing your reaction Marc gently teased your clit.
"It's okay, baby, he will make you feel so good, he eats pussy like a fucking champion, trust me." - Layla groaned, and kissed you again, then started caressing your stomach and breasts teasingly.
Marc smirked against your pussy and he made his forefinger wet by caressing it up and down between your hole and clit, then he pushed it inside you. Your back arched, leaning more into Layla's touch as she was kneading your breast, and you pushed your pussy more into Marc's mouth who growled and stuck his tongue out, letting you rub your clit against it as you liked.
Layla broke the kiss to watch you sensually roll your hips and meowl softly.
"That's it. Daddy likes it when you take your pleasure." - she whispered in your ear and she leaned down to kiss, bite, lick and suck on your tits.
For Marc the pleasure was unbearable, and it wasn't even him who was being worshipped. Seeing his wife like this with another woman was incredibly dick-hardening and them letting him play with you too was just the cherry on top. He started bucking his hips into the mattress and he sucked as much of your pussy into his mouth as he could, getting drunk on the taste of you and the scene before him.
"Fuck, daddy!" - you cried out and practically fucked your pussy into his mouth, your body burning up from the pleasure you were feeling.
Layla reached down to grab Marc's locks and he pushed his head more into your cunt, keeping him there so you could use his mouth to get yourself off.
"Oh shit, Layla!"
"Oh, you like that, don't you? I wanna see you cum in his mouth. Look at him." - you did and your body practically shook when you saw that Marc was watching you like a predator its prey as he growled against your pussy. - "He fucking loves your taste, be a good slut for daddy and cum for him, yeah?"
Your eyes rolled back at her words and you cried out when Marc added another finger and fucked you mercilessly.
'Fuck, this is fucking dirty.' - Jake moaned in Marc's head.
'Tomorrow it's our turn, I wanna fuck her too.' - Steven growled.
"Yes, fuck daddy you eat me so good, you're gonna make me cum!" - you whined helplessly, the pleasure was building fast, this whole fucking thing was turning you on like crazy.
Layla was sexy and her husband was a fucking snack and both of them being obsessed with your body like this was like something straight out of a nasty porn movie.
"Cum in his mouth slut, he wants to eat up all of you. He wants all of that delicious pussy, he loves it so much." - Layla demanded as she continued licking and biting your tits. You put one of your hands at the back of her head to push your breasts more into her mouth for her to worship, and your other hand went to grab Marc's curly locks to pull him even more into you.
The sounds you made now were straight up pornographic and you grinded your pussy like a bitch in heat against him. Hearing them moan and growl against your body fueled your pleasure and soon your whole body tightened as all of it concentrated in your pussy.
"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, oh god FUCK ME!" - you begged and begged as the pleasure grew and grew until suddenly it snapped inside you and you cried out loudly, riding the waves of orgasm like your life depended on it.
Marc groaned and puffed against your pussy as he fucked you through your orgasm, almost cumming in his boxer briefs himself. You pussy squeezed his fingers in a fucking death grip, your walls pulsing and pulsing and pulsing around them like it never wanted to end. He couldn't wait to feel it with his throbbing cock.
When you both let go of his head he pulled away and sucked in a deep breath, and he smirked when he saw Layla cuddle you and caress your body as it was shaking in a postorgasmic bliss, quiet sobs rocking through it every now and then.
"Told you he's a fucking champion." - she smirked as she left several kisses on your hair and face.
Marc crawled up your body, licking his way up from your mound through your tummy, between your breast, then he sucked on the skin of your neck.
He kissed your mouth to let you taste yourself on his tongue, then when his head bumped against Layla's he kissed her too.
You watched in daze as they kissed, they slowly got on their knees, she was still next to you, while Marc was between your legs. Her arms sneaked around his neck, caressing him sensually, while one of his hands was kneading her ass and his other was caressing your thigh.
You sat up and kissed her back and sides while you unclasped her bra and Marc pulled it off of her. You then pushed her on her back to pull down her panties too and she pulled you on top of her with a smile. She wrapped her legs around your waist as she kissed you deeply, and you giggled against her lips when she started rubbing her wetness against your lower stomach.
'Is this heaven?' - Jake asked in awe.
'I could watch them play for eternity.' - Steven added.
As much as Marc loved the scene in front of him, he could feel that his cock was ready to explode. He laid next to you on the bed and pushed his hips up in the air to take off his boxer briefs quickly and he roughly grabbed your wrist and hip, pulling you on top of him, forcing you to straddle him.
"Don't leave daddy out of it."
He smirked when you giggled again and he lined his cock up against your pussy, slowly pushing you down on it. He groaned long as your hole swallowed his lenght easily because of your dripping wetness.
"Fuck, daddy." - you whispered and you looked at Layla who watched you two with a smirk while she caressed herself. - "He feels so fucking good. You lucky bitch." - you moaned and arched your back as Marc's hands massaged your breasts possessively.
"You're not gonna join, darling?" - Marc asked as he looked at Layla too and licked his lips suggestively.
She sat up and crawled over him, swinging her leg over his head, then she sat down on his face, facing you.
You smiled when she moaned as Marc undoubtedly did his wonders with his mouth, and you leaned forward and kissed her needily.
With one hand Marc kneaded your ass and with his other he did the same with Layla's. You kissed your way down on her neck and chest and licked her nipples while she threw her head back in delight.
"Can you help me out a little, princess?" - you heard Marc's voice as he grabbed one of your hands and guided it to his wife's clit. - "My hands are kinda busy." - he said and you heard him slap her ass, then felt him slap yours.
Layla and you giggled and you kissed each other again. You caressed her clit playfully, gasping when she did the same to you.
"You're so pretty." - you moaned.
"You're so sexy." - she whispered back to you as she kissed your neck and sucked on your pulse point.
'Man, I love girls.' - Steven sighed.
'Yo también.'
You started rolling your hips harder against Marc's as he fucked up into you harder. Layla was moaning louder and needier with each lick and suck Marc worshipped her pussy with, while he felt he was about to see god.
The pleasure was building in all three of you incredibly fast, both of your pussies were drowning Marc with their sloppy noises and vice grips on him.
"Yes, fuck us, daddy!" - Layla hissed as she grinded her pussy harder against his face and you rubbed her clit more forcefully to help her reach her orgasm.
She caressed you faster too while her other hand slipped to your throat, making your eyes roll back.
"Fuck that cock, you needy bitch!" - she growled and leaned into your chest to suck a nipple into her mouth.
"Oh, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" - Marc shouted as he felt your pussy squeeze around him and he fucked his cock into you harder and harder and when his cum shot up inside you, your pussy pulsed around him forcefully, making you cry out in absolute bliss.
Marc let go of your ass and pulled Layla's hips down more, burying his face in her cunt, and shaking his head with an animalistic growl.
Layla's eyes widened and you wrapped an arm around her waist to push her a little back, the new angle helped her to reach her orgasm suddenly, tearing a loud cry out of her.
"Beautiful." - you smiled and you kissed her chest as she rode out her orgasm on her husband's face.
"Shit." - Marc sighed tiredly and he helped Layla climb off him and she laid on the bed next to him.
You chuckled as you kissed Lalya then Marc and you hurried out of the room. They heard as you entered the bathroom and opened the faucet.
"So you like her too?" - Layla teased and Marc laughed breathlessly.
"She has a world class pussy." - he admitted.
"Pig!" - Layla hit his shoulder playfully.
"Yeah, it's not like my wife is all over her since she's here. And you practically pushed my head into her pussy."
Layla smirked slyly and whispered as you entered the room again.
"You say it like you didn't like it."
Marc gave her a look as he licked his lips, then he accepted the small wet towel from you. - "Thank you, princess."
You helped Layla clean up too, then you stood up from the bed and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" - Marc asked.
"Uh, to sleep." - you replied shyly.
Layla chuckled.
"You don't wanna sleep with us?"
"Uhm, I just did?"
Marc laughed and scooted closer to Layla and patted the space on his other side.
You smiled and instead of walking over to the other side you climbed over Layla and Marc, making them groan as you kneeled and clawed your way over them, just to fuck with them.
You laughed and climbed under the blanket as Marc opened his arms so you both can snuggle up against him.
"Bitch." - Layla commented annoyed at your childish action, but you heard the amusement in her voice.
"You love it." - you replied and Marc kissed your forehead.
"We do."
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20 Qs for ficcers
I have been tagged by a smorgasbord of wonderful people - @celaestis1, @cha-melodius, @kiwiana-writes and @welcometololaland. One of them even sent me flowers (thanks @clottedcreamfudge, you are a constant delight).
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
12!
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
101,280 - not too shabby, I like that it's a round number.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Red, White & Royal Blue, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, Tamora Pierce, *cough* Angels Unlimited...
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Just Like a Dealer (which I am HESITANT about including because, once again, I only wrote the first paragraph)
Henry Fox: All-American Hero
Red, White and Royal Ballet
Alien Magic
Stringbean
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
No! I very rarely respond to comments. Right now, it's because I don't have time, but it's also because every comment will be 'aaaah thank you <3' and that feels like artificially inflating my comment count sometimes. Having said that, if people have questions, I tend to answer them.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
It was gonna be Ghosted before @clottedcreamfudge talked me out of it. Maybe When a Dancer Dies, because the 'happy ending' is massively open to interpretation.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Either Henry Fox: All-American Hero or Red, White and Royal Ballet. I mean, I'm writing for a novel with a strong romantic element - it's unusual NOT to write happy endings.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I haven't yet, but hey! I probably will! And when that happens I will specifically write them into my next fics and make them suffer horrible fates!
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I have written explicit stuff before, but not yet for RWRB. However, @dumbpeachjuice left a comment on All-American Hero that has me considering an expansion/missing scene in that world.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
The only crossover I have is Alien Magic, which is two worlds by the same author, Tamora Pierce, and me crossing over characters from one into the universe of the other, but they're aware that the other world exists, it's just on the other side of the globe from them.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
If I have, I don't know about it! Doubtful, though.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
No, but I did receive my first comment in Spanish yesterday which made me very happy.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
YES and I have also co-written a book with my BFF.
14. What’s your all time favourite ship?
Fun fact: my fiance and I almost had 'fictional couples' as the theme for our wedding tables but abandoned it because two bridesmaids (u know who u are) would have wanted to sit at different tables.
Top three: Frank and Sadie Doyle, Mel Beeby and Brice de Winter (thoroughly not canon) and, of course, Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor and Alex Claremont-Diaz.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Henry as a contestant on a pottery show, Alex as the kiln assistant who became a much bigger part in season 2 and has a lot to say.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Punctuality. Does that count? Errr, okay, I can write a banger of a sentence now and then and I'm good at description.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Em-dashes, and trying to be funny. The funniness comes in when I'm not trying too hard.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
It's difficult and I haven't done it yet! I'm learning Swedish (445 days in a row so far) and what gets me is sentence structure. Sometimes it's structured like English, sometimes it's structured like Early Modern English, sometimes the structure is specifically foreign and I fuck it up. However, I really liked what Junot Diaz did in Oscar Wao, which is not italicising words in other languages because that's not how the character thinks.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
The very very very first fanfic published somewhere was LoTR. It was about the Entwives and it was dull.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
Ghosted. Or Cold Cases, Lost Causes. Sometimes you want to chew on some PLOT, and Ghosted deals with death, and Cold Cases deals with the ethics of podcasts covering true crime. I can't wait to release the last 3 chapters because I'm proud of how I've ended it!
Tagging -- ah shit, it seems that everyone has been tagged. Okay, if you want to do this, do it and say I tagged you. I love you all!
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Hello, I am sorry if this sounds completly random but I saw your tags under a post about Rita Ora on OFMD.
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What did Con O'Neill do? I genuinely don't know, this is the first time I see Con being discussed on the same level as Rita Ora.
Thank you for your time. If this is something you do not wish to answer publicly I understand. I tried googling if Con did something controversial but couldn't find anything.
Thank you again, and I wish you a good day or night.
Ok Rita is worse than Con she's on levels of white woman nonsense that I had not conceived. She hopped on a shitty antiblack trend and then, in the time since I put these tags out she publicly in an interview forgot her own husbands Ethnicity (she called Taika Samoan he is Maori) I also am fine with listening to a couple of her songs and she is married to the guy who plays my fav blorbo
That said Con O'Neill is kinda loud about being a Zionist and he made a joke at the expense of Columbians for which he left Twitter lest he become the villain of the week
I want it to be clear that these two things are not the same, but they are like, different levels of the same phenomenon, that phenomenon being "cool art your behavior is sus tho" like I'm way less cool art about Rita and way more your behavior is sus tho about Rita, I would never pay for her auto with my hooking money for example, something i have done for Con (i would never pay for either autograph out of my actual paycheck hooking money is fake to me and my budgeting process is incomprehensible) however I Do Not Trust Con Like That.
Tbf I don't trust any celebrity like that but if you've mostly kept your head down it's a lower case don't trust like that, and for Con it has become a I Don't Trust Like That. And for Rita it's a I DON'T TRUST LIKE THAT.
That said I'm not on the "I can never fuck with this person ever" catagory for either of them yet. I'm not gonna feel weird about a Rita Ora song coming on in the club or whatever. I just think they're both lowercase r racist. I also like Lady Gaga a lot despite her support of autism speaks because if I was a hater of everyone who was ablist or racist or homophobic or sexist I frankly would have no media left to consume, and, you know what, I'll say it, probably no irl friends either. Being an adult who likes things is a constant battle of figuring out when separating the art from the artist is acceptable. If they were traffic lights Vico's green, Con and Rita are yellow tho Rita is oranging rather rapidly, and Jeffree Starr is red and I miss his song queen of the club scene and his fun lipstick colors every day bit i simply cannot fuck with that so i listen to The Medic Droid and use the eyeshadow and clear lipgloss trick instead
TL;DR: behavior I don't like does not mean I drop a celeb right away it means I critically consume their content until I am made aware that their behavior reaches a critical mass
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andypantsx3 · 9 months
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This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<
WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD
Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!
I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!
Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)
I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.
I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!
Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!
Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.
And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.
I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.
Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.
Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces
This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.
I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.
So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.
But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.
I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!
Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.
So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.
And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.
I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!
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9 people you'd like to know better
I was tagged by @rainy-circle a few days ago and I'm just getting around to it now. Thanks, buddy!!
1. Three ships: Hellcheer of course, my forever OTP Fitzsimmons from Agents of Shield, and a new one I'm curious about (even if the show is not great) Gabi and Trent from Found. Brett Dalton is really pulling off the intense yearning and puppy-like devotion, and Gabi's relationship with him is a really interesting contrast to her relationship with Sir
2. First ever ship: Probably Michael & Maria from Roswell or Felicity & Noel from Felicity (I switched sides to Ben pretty fast though and will remain Felicity/Ben til I die)
3. Last Song: Now That We Don't Talk by Miss Taylor Swift
4. Last Film: Ticket to Paradise with George Clooney and Julia Roberts and y'all, all I want from romcoms forever is jaded 40+ adults who have lived a lot of life and are struggling to figure out how to love again even though all the baggage they're carrying has them convinced they can't
5. Currently reading: Midnight is the Darkest Hour by Ashley Winstead (for a thriller book club I joined and I'm not sure what I think of it yet but I'm deeply frustrated with the protagonist Ruth). I just got back from the library with all my next reads as well: The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djeli Clark, Sheets by Brenna Thummler, Footnotes in Gaze by Joe Sacco and Richard Irvine's Forest School for Grown Ups (this one is to read aloud to my friends at random times on our vacation).
6. Currently watching: I've been rewatching S2 of The Wilds and put off rewatching the finale until a couple days ago and I'm devastated all over again. I also started From, with Harold Perrineau and it's really good so far. Mysterious and intriguing, with more gore than I was expecting.
7. Currently consuming: Coke Zero. I just can't quit it 😭
8. Currently craving: The breakfast box my friends ordered for Saturday morning from the farm owners of our Airbnb. The veggies are from their garden and the eggs from their chickens.
Also, Caramilk.
I'm not on Tumblr as often anymore and feel like I'm missing out on what's going on with lots of my mutuals so I'm gonna tag @gunmetal-ring @anyataylorsoy @blondiest @raspberryhill @usbournejez @musicalchaos07 @maddie-grove @vclyrias @erythromanc3r @outlandishwhalesharks @rose-n-gunses @justhere4thevibez in case any of y'all wanna share!
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theheightofdishonor · 5 months
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I'm gonna take the leap and finally talk about only friends on here. There's only one episode left so I think it's a good time to just write about it
Top and Mew
I won't lie, these two are probably the most boring pair to me and from the little i have perused through the tags, it seems like it's the same for a lot of people? But I do appreciate them. I think the lack of chemistry between them is 100% intentional. We know Force and Book can pull off chemistry. And on top of that, this crew is wonderful in bringing out the best from its cast so the fact that Mew and Top feel like they're missing something, that's on purpose. I think @shortpplfedup has mentioned a couple times about how Top and Mew's relationship is wrapped up in ego and image and how it warps their perception and expectations from each other and I agree! Even when they're vulnerable with each other, there's a guard there because they're unable to not be playing this game they've got going on with each other. And this tracks into ep 11 because the only reason Mew agrees to forgive Top is because Top threatens to walk away for good (because he can't handle the idea of being the loser in this relationship forever) and Mew can't have that because that would make him the loser permanently. I've been referring to their situation as 'gone girl-ing' irl because they're that couple who don't really like each other? but they're still never going to leave because they know they're well matched and would be more miserable with someone else and also leaving would mean admitting that they've made a bad choice so they stay together but they also kind of enjoy this mutual toxicity? Like Mew is 100% going to run to his friends again complaining about Top and then when they suggest breaking up, be like 'well, I should but" until it gets exhausting for everyone involved.
I know tons of people like this in real life. And they're not my favourite but i've made peace with it. That being said, I still don't quite understand what the team's intention is with Top because he really is very neglected in this cast. We know nearly nothing about him and the things we do know never get looked at. Again, I do think this is intentional and Force is doing a phenomenal job with the character but I just don't get what they're leading to. I won't make a solid judgement on this though til the finale airs so moving on
Nick and Boston.
My favorite pair and favorite characters? Yeah they are. Nick, my adorable little psychopath, we've had our ups and downs and I was skeptical if you'd ever stop being embarrassing but you did and I am so proud of my absolute favorite boy. He's accepted his own toxicity, taken a good hard look at himself and his feelings for Boston and he is on top of everything. When he's telling Ton in the club to not look at other men, there's (to me at least) no hint of that worry or insecurity from the first couple episodes. And Boston's reaction too was more of a guy who's heard his partner complain about the same thing a million times instead of taking it as a sign of Nick's clinginess. It felt like echoes of an old, worn 'argument' that's just rote. And then in the conversation where Boston offers a short term committed relationship? He doesn't just jump into and instead thinks about whether it's something he really wants and what it means for him and what it means for them. Not to mention how well he was able to establish expectations with Daddy Dan about their relationship. There's still time for him to backflip next week but for now, baby boy is winning.
And Boston! I think his character arc so far has been very well done. He's not had a complete personality makeover but he's changed too and has made adjustments to the way he looks at things. The entire conversation about a committed relationship with Nick was everything. It's such a huge step for him and you can feel it in just Neo's posture and his tone how much it means to him. I don't actually think I have the words to dissect him well and I think people far more eloquent than I have already done so so i'll just leave it at that.
Oh wait actually brief mention of the Atom-Ton thing because I don't know yet how I feel about Atom being let off so easily. On one hand, it feels true to where Boston is now that he doesn't want to pursue it too much, especially when he's leaving in a couple months and he's also had some revenge with Nick. On the other hand....I don't know. I guess i've shelving this til the last ep too.
One more thing, I've seen the idea that Nick and Ton haven't had enough screentime and I disagree, I think they've made a perfect amount of sense with the amount they've had. Would I complain about seeing more, of course not. But i'm not dissatisfied and their time's been used well and where their arc is at now, they don't need a lot either. Though from the preview, it seems like we will be getting a fair bit of them next week due to the Boston-Boeing storyline.
Sand and Ray.
If I had a firstkhao bias going into this show, it's definitely been worn down. I've more or less given up on Sand developing any sort of backbone or self-respect + the idea of Ray finally reciprocating and taking care of him. They're still cute though and I don't mind any longer that it's an imperfect relationship. That being said, it was so fun seeing Boeing come back to wreck them this episode. Sand's mom tells us that the way Sand is with Ray is just how he is with everyone he cares about but I don't think Ray understood that til we see Sand and Boeing in action. Sand is very clearly uncomfortable in Boeing's presence and yet! He says they can be friends, he asks about Boeing's job, he tells Ray to leave so they can talk in private, sweetheart this man CHEATED ON YOU?? And on top of all of this, he brushes away all of Ray's attempts to claim him in front of Boeing too. Talk about creating all your own problems.
I do want to muse for a bit on Sand saying that Boeing is exactly his type and how he doesn't deny it when Boeing says Ray is the opposite of that. I think they're actually more alike than they seem on the surface. Their mutual disregard for boundaries and willingness to exploit Sand's weaknesses are sure similar as is the need to be seen as special. Boeing turns nasty at the idea of Mew meaning more to Top than he did and a lot of what draws Ray to Sand is the way Sand treats him as something special (and he's not happy either when it's revealed that Sand's behavior towards him is something he gives everyone) On the other hand, Boeing is very put together and barely shows a hint of vulnerability whereas Ray wears his faults on his sleeves and is generally a mess. I haven't quite verbalized any conclusions about this yet but i'm mulling over it. We'll see if I have time to write something up later this week.
Now Ray. Ray's having the time of his life parading around as Sand's boyfriend until it all comes crashing down. They're having cute record shop dates, talking about their future, being domestic in front of elementary school kids, the whole nine yards and even when Sand is being so shifty bringing up Boeing, he's confident enough in where he stands that it doesn't faze him whatsoever. I love Ray but seeing his uncomfortable crawling realization that perhaps Boeing might pose a threat was everything I wanted. The confirmation about his threesome proposals being a front was unneeded but fun. I'm looking forward to seeing how he continues to react to Boeing next week. That little look they shared when First stepped into the water? I suspect these two are going to eat that man alive.
Boeing
Boeing is my darling little agent of chaos. He had his turn with TopMew, he's currently wrecking SandRay and from the looks of it, he's moving onto NickBoston next week. I adore that he's apparently the final boss for all our main couples. I think he's gonna lose 3 for 3 which i'm a little crestfallen about but it's a fun time. I'm enjoying the chaos. I do hope we get to see a little more about his motivations and personality next week though.
Cheum
The fandom's response to Cheum is so weird. First she's on this pedestal of being the perfect girl who can do no wrong amongst these dumb messy boys and now she's the worst of the worst. It's the messy gay show and she's being a messy gay. I've been waiting for her to do something properly awful. The show's not done yet so I do think her response to the Atom-Boston thing will get more screentime next week. Of course I'm not trying to gloss over how terrible her treatment of Boston was but I'm also not expecting her to suddenly grovel nor do I think she should because it's not something she feels sorry for! Her just apologizing for it and feeling bad would be glossing over the fact that these are genuinely things she's thought about Boston all along and that she was just using the opportunity Atom provided to say it. The fact that Boston didn't do what she thought he did doesn't matter to her. And that's what they should address. This storyline is still ongoing though so again, holding out judgement til the end.
Overall, I've loved following this show week to week. It's been messy, it's been dramatic and it's had a lot to say about promiscuity, friendship, relationships and fandom amongst like a dozen other things. Watching the show and fandom reactions to it have been eyeopening. Additionally, the performances have been excellent. Only Friends is proof of how a good director and environment can bring out the best in all its cast because I honestly can't pick who has given the best performance here since they've all just been that good. Even if this show somehow flops next episode, I won't even be that mad because it's been so good and enjoyable that it deserves a bit of leniency and i've enjoyed it all the way through.
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condensedpigeonmilk · 3 months
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Please Stop Posting Gore
Holy crap please don't post gore on your blogs even if you tag it!
It's literally against the community guidelines so your blog is eventually going to be terminated at some point if you're posting it and then you'll get even more upset.
I've come across a couple blogs today that have had cute animal pictures and funny memes and then some spontaneous uncensored picture of someone carving themselves up like a Christmas ham Tokyo drifts across my dash out of nowhere from that blog.
There is no tragic beauty to self harm, it is a severe sickness that needs treatment and there's no shame in getting that treatment and some people aren't ready to hear that yet but it's true.
I know the holidays are hard, I know life is hard but please get counseling, please see a psychiatrist, please go for a walk outside, please stop indulging in that kind of content! If you do, do not interact with me or my blogs, ever. I will block you on sight, I don't care how much trauma you have. I want you to get better but I'm just a wall of text on the internet.
I'm (probably) not your friend.
It's not good for people to see (especially the younger folks) and it's not good for you. Please don't hurt yourself and please get some professional help. The only way to make life stop being hard is to take personal accountability and do the hard work yourself to make it better.
"An object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest", right? How many times have people heard that one? It's true.
Even if you're poor there are programs that can help you get the help you need- I've personally been in a similar situation but coping isn't going to make anything better. You need to realize that nobody is coming to save you.
You have to take the initiative to do that on your own. Everything is a choice, including refusing to make one- and if you decide to do that then the only person you're a victim of is yourself and the only thing you're a victim of is your own inaction.
There will always be bad times just like there will always be good but you have to decide which one you want more of. You need to always prioritize yourself and your well being above literally everyone else.
There's nothing narcissistic or conceited about taking care of (all) of your health no matter who's told you otherwise.
Nobody is 'the reason' or 'made you kill yourself'. You're being extremely toxic, immature, emotionally abusive, unfair and manipulative if you ever try to blame someone else for your own impulsive and very permanent decision. Trying to transfer your abuse/trauma is not going to make it any better and it's only going to make things worse.
There are a lot more good people in the world than bad, I promise! You can totally choose to be a part of the good no matter your current or former circumstances. Even 'nothing' can become something with effort and elbow grease. You're not nothing, I'm just saying even if you came from nothing you can absolutely make something of yourself because you're your own person.
It's not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it one day.
Don't let whoever abused you in the past haunt you, don't let them win or take any more from you than they already have. They can't hurt or control you anymore if you've already managed to get away, do not go back. You're the one in control now, and if they formerly abused you they're gonna do it again. Don't give them any 'second' (or third, or fourth) chances, you will probably end up literally dead.
Yes, it's uncomfortable and it's going to seem scary but it's not as scary as being dead. There is literally nothing more permanent than that and I promise there are (many) good people that would miss you and it would break their hearts to see you hurt or kill yourself because they love you, you matter to them and there will never be another person that can replace you.
You're limited edition, dude.
Good luck and get well soon,
-Pidge
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fishy-lava · 9 months
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Tag Game
tagged by @morathicain :]
1. Are you named after anyone? I mean I learned of my name via a book but I didnt name myself after the character specifically so kinda??
2. When was the last time you cried? in general just a couple days ago but it was because of a show I was watching. other than that the last time I cried for reasons unrelated to a piece of media was a couple weeks ago
3. Do you have kids? no and I dont want any
4. Do you use sarcasm? yes. all the time. every day. I could not count the number of times I've been called a smartass lmao
5. What sports do you play/have you played? I did figure skating as a child and I miss it dearly and I'm considering getting into boxing (not competitively just as a thing to do) but that's it
6. What's the first thing you notice about other people? honestly? the way they make me feel. I have very intense instinctual reactions to people but it's a subconscious thing and usually just manifests as The Bad Feeling when something is off about someone (not always immediate tho) if they dont set off The Bad Feeling then probably the way they look or what they're doing
7. What's your eye colour? brown
8. Scary movies or happy endings? I'm good with either but I dont like happy endings just for the sake of happy endings like they need to make sense for the story and characters otherwise it frustrates me
9. Any special talents? does the ability to almost always be looking when someone does something stupid or embarrassing count? I have a tendency to look up just as someone does something and my step mom likes to joke that I'm always watching
10. Where were you born? Oregon (U.S.)
11. What are your hobbies? i watch a lot of TV but other than that I like reading, drawing, painting, sewing, embroidery, baking, jewelry making and I've been wanting to get into metal/woodworking and sculpting and crochet  and basically I just like making things also I like puzzles and word games and I collect glass bottles and bottle caps and the metal tabs off cans and knives and rocks and this is very rambly I'm gonna stop now
12. Do you have any pets? we have a dog (my step mom also has a turtle and a lizard but I tend to avoid them)
13. How tall are you? 5'4" last i checked but I'm pretty sure I stopped growing when i was like 15
14. Favourite subject in school? i kinda hated it all which was really more of just an environmental thing but regardless it made it pretty much impossible for me to actually enjoy any of it but there were a couple classes I liked like woodshop and astronomy and I hated p.e. but I enjoyed getting to work in the weight room
15. Dream job? ya know this is a question that has stumped me like my entire life because I could just never think of anything I wanted to do up until like right before I turned 19 when I got strangely attached to the idea of working in a cemetery and it just kinda stuck ever since but other than that maybe a tattoo artist
tagging: @jumpingthesefences @days-of-storm and anyone who wants :]
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ohmybitna · 1 year
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↳ 8 Shows To Get To Know Me
i was tagged by @sorrowfulliming and @heesulovebot thank you both so much, I had a lot of fun doing this list! ❤️ I tried to choose some shows that have had kind of played a significant role in my life in one way or another, maybe you'll learn a bit more about me through this idk
one tree hill (2003 - 2012) i feel like this one is the most important show if you want to know me. It's half of my personality. I grew up with this show and all of these characters mean the absolute world to me, I relate to them on a deep level and I've rewatched all 9 seasons of this so many times that if you tell me a quote from the show I can tell you who said it and in what context and season (maybe even episode) it was said. It's probably the best teen drama ever made and except for lack of representation (which i can excuse to some extent because it started airing in the early 00s) this is really something everyone can and should watch. Nothing beats the friendships in this show. I'm still searching for the brooke & haley to my peyton tbh
the vampire diaries (2009 - 2017) this show is very special to me because I started learning english more intensely and on my own outside of school because I couldn't wait until they were showing the eps with german dub half a year after they originally aired. I had to wait 4 years until the show made stefan & caroline a couple and no other ship has ever come close to how I felt (and still feel) about them. best friends to lovers will always get me and they did it so well. we do not talk about anything after 7x05, the show ended there for me tyvm. they were by far the best part of the show for me since I dislike a lot of the decisions the show made a lot of the time. but they were the reason I created a tumblr account back in 2015 that I've since forgot the name and password for 😂 it was an account dedicated to making icons for tvd. ugh i miss shows with multiple seasons and 24 eps for each season
blueming (2021) this bl drama is always gonna be important to me since it made me decide to choose film as the thing I want to major in. I got really into independent movies after watching blueming because the cinematography of it astounded me and I wanted to learn more about it and how to create beautiful shots like those in the drama myself. I also rewatch it frequently. siwon is very dear to me.
taxi driver (2021 - 2023) i debated if i should put this or the devil judge/flower of evil/happiness here because i love them all dearly and they're all tied for my fav kdramas of all time but this one was the first kdrama i watched weekly as it aired and I was so obsessed with it and its cases and characters. i love darker themes and case-by-case dramas, it's my favorite genre when it comes to korean shows. kim doki is such a dear character to me and i love the way jehoon plays him. words can't describe how happy i am that it's back on my screen and just as good as it always was. (plus pyo yejin is one of my biggest celebrity crushes i love her sm)
the haunting of hill house (2018) one of the greatest shows ever made and imo the best of its genre. ep 6 of this show especially impressed me so much because it just consists of multiple one-shots. i love mike flanagan, he's my favorite director and if you're into psychological horror i more than recommend watching this and midnight mass because they're both masterpieces. mike has this way of connecting horror and sadness and he does it so so well. I could write essays about his filmmaking and he's my biggest inspiration when it comes to film.
my engineer (2020) this was the first bl I was really invested in, I even bought tickets to the online fanmeeting which i usually never do for anything. these characters and actors really helped me get through the lockdowns in 2020. one of the few bls where they managed to give everyone their fair screen time and made everyone's story enjoyable to watch. also very important part of why i loved watching it was the lack of fanservice they made the actors do and that we got them all in one room reacting to every episode together. it was the best and i wish more shows would do it.
light on me (2021) oh what a show. even though I don't like the ending and I think the last episode had some continuity issues and felt like a second thought in some ways I thorougly enjoyed the ride this drama took me on. the runtime allowed for the show to explore its characters well and made us able to connect with them. i miss that for newer shows a lot. shin daon is and probably will always be my favorite k-bl character, he felt so real and I could see an old version of myself in him. he deserved a lot better and I hope he's off to college living his best life, he deserves it.
one day at a time (2017 - 2020) let me just say that I am NOT a sitcom enjoyer. shows that are targeted to make me laugh usually don't and I get bored early on because I don't get the appeal. nothing against these shows, they just don't speak to me. HOWEVER odaat is a huge exception because I was hooked to the well-balanced use of humor and deep conversations and topics portrayed in this show. plus it also made me laugh!! and sometimes also cry both in the span of 5 minutes. these characters have a special place in my heart. elena halped me a lot in my journey of self-discovery and I loved the way the show portrayed her journey.
bonus: (i know this technically makes it 9 but i didn't know where to put it)
wish you (2021) I'm adding this as well but extra since I only ever watch the movie version of it. it's imo the only kbl that works as a movie. even though not a lot of people love this, it is my most rewatched k-bl (and I think bl in general). I adore Sang Yi, he's a lot like me and watching him be an awkward mess in front of his crush and idol is very cute to watch. the OST for this show is also so good i listen to it all of the time.
i will tag @ghostvalleymasters i hope you haven't done this yet :)
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bluebunnysart · 2 months
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Ok since this is where I post my fandom stuff now, I'm just gonna write it here. But I miss Sumikeke from LL Superstar so much lol
I just finished rereading one of my favorite fics ever about them and it's such a masterpiece. Still so amazing today. It contains so much yearning and feelings and depth that even though it's like at least 30k words long, it ends way too quickly and I'd happily read more and more.
It's not like I can't keep shipping Sumikeke now, but I was going through the tag again and another tumblr user put it really well: their dynamic and characterization was absolutely ruined in season 2, which is also why I felt really unpleasant watching it and had no idea how to react to the canon confession scene. It's nice that it happened at all, sure, but by that time, my love for the ship had already begun to fade (for reasons) and s2 seemed to just confirm my annoyances, frustrations, and fears.
I loved Sumikeke though. Don't get me wrong. I actually don't regret any of the time I spent on them at all, and I truly had so much fun indulging in this love of mine. They were great and brilliant, and I know people have different feelings about it (even going as far as calling it abusive :c ), but in my opinion, there was a method and an art to smkk that I tried to convey when I spent those times in college writing actual fanfiction for them lol.
First of all, and this is a big reason why I fell out of love with it, smkk is a bickering couple, but there's a line and nuance you need to have, otherwise it does turn abusive and boring and not romantic at all. When I first watched season 1, I was drawn in by how kind and gentle Sumire could be (big sister-like, taking care of Keke or giving her soft looks) and I latched onto that immediately. I dunno how fast it took to show up, but maybe by like episode 3, I was already eyeing them and wondering what kind of dynamic we'd have there.
As for Keke's antagonism towards Sumire, there was an obvious reason for that. Sumire was looking down on and using Liella to bolster herself, but to Keke, Liella and school idols were everything. It's a natural conflict that arises from people whose goals and opinions differ and who obviously clash over ideology and dreams. Keke would tease or snub Sumire, but it never crossed into actual bullying or anything, last I saw. Just the expected bickering between someone who actually might not like the other and Sumire, who knows she messed up and tries to make up for it, but it's fine if relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows. Actually, I used to really love the tsundere trope and tsundere-like couples, so when I shipped smkk, I liked them in a more tsundere way. As the anime progressed, their relationship clearly improved and even had plot relevance and all that, and I was really impressed by all of it and fell in love and wanted to give back as a fan by making as much delicious smkk content as possible.
The method to the madness is Keke is childish, demanding, and even annoying maybe (I liked Keke tho lol), but Sumire loves her and since they're teenagers, they eventually grow out of such childish behavior/bickering but the fact remains that they love each other and it's really sweet and cute to see. Sumire was my fave Superstar chara (probably still is? idk), and I just looved her love for Keke and completely enjoyed coming up with story ideas that would showcase that. It's liking someone and having a crush on them even if they're kinda annoying but since you like them, you can look past that. It's that kind of love...!
But anyway. To be quite frank, the fandom ruined smkk for me, and I'm sad I let it happen. If smkk is like 50% arguing and 50% fluff (which is kinda a high percentage, I'll give you that), the fandom kicked it up a notch where it was like 90% arguing and 10% just deciding to make out after saying super cruel/dumb things to each other. I saw a lot of unpleasant things I really disliked (including straight-up immoral SA stuff) and I saw that my excitement from checking the tag eventually turned into aversion and eventually dislike/annoyance/irritation/frustration/anger.
Season 2 having them continue to bicker for bad reasons didn't help things and it felt like the anime was on the fandom's side in that regard. It's fine to give the fandom fanservice, obviously, but that's when I kind of lost interest for good and moved on.
But I truly had a fun time loving smkk, and it had so much potential and was so good. I really truly enjoyed it and that's why I miss it. I think with the release of SIF2 and seeing smkk in there, I was reminded a bit of my old fire (my old love), but in short, it's really unfortunate when fandom (or the show itself) ruins something for you.
I could say the same about my immense love of Shioriko and how I was really disappointed how they wrote and treated her (in the anime and side materials like Nijiyon too), but part of that's personal bias. The true Shioriko I like is probably SIFAS Shioriko and the other Shioriko's exist as their own entities, but since they're all supposed to be the same chara, it's hard to love her in the exact same way if you get what I mean, especially when I had such high hopes and expectations. It's ok though: such is life.
Anyway, I obviously like loving and affectionate ships a lot more than, like, bickering ships. Smkk was just special to me because when two girls act like that canonically, it's a lot easier to claim they're into each other or hiding feelings for each other. I also want to add that I liked the idea of Keke being embarrassed of her feelings for Sumire and that translating a bit into aggression-- obviously as Keke gets older or her feelings are reciprocated or her friends accept her for who she is, she gets less teenage-y about it.
That was a trip down memory lane though. I really care for LL, even though it breaks my heart sometimes. "Expectation leads to resentment", they say, so maybe I shouldn't expect anything at all?
I miss these girls and hope they get better writing. I'll still love yuri and shipping girls for as long as I live xD
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blackbird-brewster · 11 months
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💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?
🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?
🌿how does creating make you feel?
🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)
Thanks for the ask!!! <3
💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?
Probably all of my early works tbrh. But I've decided to leave them be because AO3 is an archive not only for the main purpose of fandom creations, but also it acts as a sort of time capsule for authors who have been writing for a long time -- meaning, when I read my old works I get to see how far I've come as an author and that's really important to preserve. Although I would love to re-write some older stuff, I'm not going to because to me, preserving that writing in it's original form is really important to serve as a reminder of my progress as a writer.
🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?
Oh godddddddddddddddd, You KNOW I'm gonna talk about [Between You and Me]. When I wrote the original one-shot, I decided to play around with flashbacks used to progress the narrative and build tension. It worked really well and I truly adored that formatting, but THEN I decided to expand this one-shot into what would become my 3rd longest fic to date. And in doing so, I chose to stick with the flashback format in every chapter. It was INCREIDIBLY TEDIOUS to plan the chapters with multiple timelines and threads that wove the story together. Thank goodness for you and Doom Them for always listening to me scream about how frustrating it was to plan that fic, especially since both JJ and Tara kept having other ideas about where the story was going. This is one of my FAVE things I've ever written and I think it's a damn shame more people aren't shipping JJ/Tara because 1) they're an amazing ship 2) y'all are missing out on this fic which is honestly fucking amazing.
🌿how does creating make you feel?
As an ADHD/Autistic who struggles with self-worth and tons of mental health shit -- creating feels AMAZING. I felt really lost the last couple of years, because it's the first time since I was 15 that I haven't had a job. I was fired from my dream career unexpectedly at the end of 2020 and I felt so aimless/worthless for the following couple of years. Then one day last July, I opened a new document and started writing again. I was terrified to try to do something I'd been completely unable to engage with in nearly seven years, but I wrote anyway. And like I said in the first reply, my first couple of fics after coming back are a bit rough around the edges and now when I read them, I can see how much I've grown even in the nine months since I started posting again. I'm extremely lucky to be able to write full-time now. I wake up, have breakfast, do my morning routine, then sit down at my desk and write all day. It's very much my 'job' now and when my routine gets interrupted, or I'm having a bad chronic pain day, or I can't write for whatever reason -- I get SO restless, cranky and irritable. Writing brings me endless joy, I love what I do for a living and I am just so grateful to be able to focus on my special interest full-time. I love how many amazing friends I've met over the past nine months, you all have brightened my life even further and I am forever in awe of all of you.
🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)
Oh goodness, celebrate is not the term I would use. For sure there is usually a bit of a proud moment when I look at a complete fic and get to move it out of my 'WIP' tag in Evernote, but I always end up getting what I call 'completion crash'. For the few days after finishing a long fic, I usually have no motivation to write and I feel really lost and sort of go through a mini-grieving process because I've gotten to know the characters and I've been so wrapped up in their heads for weeks or months at a time, it's difficult to say goodbye to them. In terms of being able to give myself credit and validation for doing incredible things...I'm still working on that bit.
[Send Fic Writer Asks]
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Aim For The Heart | Chapter 1: At First Sight
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Pairing: hitman!jk x female reader
Genre: E2L, romance, angst, drama
WC: 4.5k
Warnings for this chapter: alcohol consumption, language, stalking kind of? I think that's all lol. Pls let me know if there is anything else I should put.
tag list; @teresaisla @hopekookies @moonchild1 @barbellastyles98 @ggukkieland @mwitsmejk @yukiehyukie
summary; Jeon Jungkook is an infamous hitman, known for his inability to fail at whatever job is thrown his way. At least, up until now. Y/n, a kind-hearted and full of life teacher, is his newest target. Jeon isn't sure who would put a hit on this seemingly innocent girl, but fortunately, that isn't his problem. All he has to do is pull the trigger. 
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A bright smile graces your features as you tuck the little star-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into a tiny container, just barely getting two of them to fit as you squish them down a tad bit in order to get the lid clipped on.
Then you grab a little tangerine and a cheese stick to drop into your lunch bag along with the sandwiches, counting the number of items aloud to yourself as they make themselves at home and then you zip it all up.
"Th-There we go!" You lift your lunch for the day in triumph.
Your phone startles you when it starts to ring, then you grapple in your purse to find it. You pull it out and answer right before the last ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey, girl! Are you ready to go? I'm downstairs." The voice of your best friend comes through the phone and you look at the clock on your microwave. You stare at the little black screen, confused as to why the time isn't showing up before remembering that you were never able to figure out how to display the clock when you bought the microwave three years ago. So, you hold your phone out to look at the time.
6:32
"Oh geez! I didn't r-realize the time. I'll be d-down in a minute, k?" You say, earning a lighthearted laugh from the girl on the other end.
"Take your time, hun. I'm not in any rush."
You thank her quickly and hang up, then you run to your room to grab your favorite pink cardigan and throw it on over your white shirt. As you're hurrying out and grabbing your lunch, you stumble and knock your knee into an open lower cabinet that you had forgotten to close the previous night after pulling a pan from it to make dinner.
"Ouch!" You hiss in pain and rub the sore spot, although it does nothing to ease the ache. Then you grab your purse and run outside, almost forgetting to lock the door. But you remember just in time and clumsily lock it before rushing down the stairs leading to the parking lot of your apartment complex.
Your best friend, Mina, is laughing. You can see her through the windshield as she waves to you. Lifting a hand to wave back, you don't realize in time that your arms are full. You drop your lunchbox and have to crouch to get it again, only taking up even more of your time.
But Mina finds it hilarious and tells you so as soon as you slide into the car and fumble with your seatbelt to get it buckled.
"Honestly, ___. I can't believe you're still single. If I wasn't straight as a board, I'd be head over heels for you and all your shenanigans." She states in a matter-of-fact tone as she pulls out of the parking spot.
A blush creeps up your neck and you try to laugh it off, "D-Don't be silly." You whisper, turning your gaze outside to look at the fluffy white clouds decorating the sky beautifully. You smile and lean your forehead against the glass as you imagine lying on a soft cloud, just drifting in the air.
"If you c-could go anywhere at all, where would y-you go?" You ask Mina suddenly, turning to her. Her eyes are focused on the road but she bites her lip in thought at your question. "Mm, probably Italy. What about you?" She's used to your sudden questions and ramblings, so she smiles when you start to go off.
"I'd wanna go up in the c-clouds. I wanna sit on one and maybe even see a r-rainbow up close! I wonder if I could slide down the rainbow..." Your brows furrow in deep thought. "Or would I f-fall?" You turn to her again and she glances over to see your signature puppy dog eyes that you use when you are either confused, upset, or want something.
Mina turns back to the road, a tiny ache in her heart that she hides with a bright smile, "Girl, you would ride that rainbow straight down into a pot of gold!"
"Really?" Your eyes widen and you feel your heart lift at the image.
She nods and you giggle happily, "You can come w-with me, Mina." You say confidently, your gaze turning back to the sky. "We can sleep in the clouds and slide down rainbows for the rest of f-forever."
"Sounds like a deal."
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By the time Mina pulls up to the school, you've discussed everything you'd do up in the clouds and what you'd eat when you're hungry (stardust, you've decided, is the best meal anyone could eat.)
You unbuckle and gather your things. Then you remember something and turn back to Mina, "Oh yeah. W-When are you leaving on your business trip?" You ask a tinge of sadness in your voice.
"This weekend," Mina says solemnly. "I'm sorry I won't be able to drive you for a while. I'll be gone for a month this time."
That makes your heart sting but you manage a small smile, "D-Don't worry about me. I can walk! I'm gonna m-miss you though."
"I'll miss you too, buttercup. We'll hang out this Friday night before I leave the next day. How about that?" Mina asks kindly.
You nod enthusiastically and she smiles, "Ok, get your butt in there before you're late! The bell rings in half an hour and you can't be late on a Monday." She urges you and you nod, hopping out of the car and thanking her again for the ride, reassuring her that you'll walk home from work today.
You blow her a kiss and she laughs as you turn and hurry into the school.
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You're all set up only a few minutes before the kids are supposed to arrive, so you go onto Pinterest and look through your fairytale boards, feeling a little spark of joy in your chest.
A couple of minutes later, the kids start streaming through the door, greeting you with the same amount of enthusiasm as you greet them. Your kiddos love you so much that all the other teachers are jealous and they let you know it every day. Of course, you have the sweetest kindergarteners and they're always the best for you.
"Hello, Teacher! Good morning Miss ___! Teacher, look at my new haircut!"
"Hi, Jina! Hello M-Minhhyuk! Kun, your new haircut l-looks so good!" All the kids have bright smiles on their faces by the time they've settled in their seats.
You always start the day off by getting everyone to stand and do a few stretches, then you sing the nursery rhymes you learned yesterday and start learning a new one. You honestly have as much fun as the kids during the school day.
"Ok, l-little ducklings, have a seat!" You get their attention and they immediately oblige. Next, is the alphabet that you guys have been working on since the beginning of the year. Every little one sings it perfectly all the way through and you give them a round of applause and they each get a little punch in their reward cards.
The rest of the day goes by smoothly, with only one temper tantrum thrown and that was resolved quickly.
It's nearing the end of the school day and the kids are all playing during their free time. You're sitting with Ae-Cha, a small and fairly quiet girl, playing with colorful blocks; the both of you competing to see who can build the highest tower. You've learned that she responds well to playing games when there isn't too much talking involved.
You're constantly glancing around the room to make sure everyone is safe and playing nicely and you're always pleased. They've all improved so much since the beginning of school back in September. It's June now and they've all learned their alphabet and how to play nicely with their new friends, along with so many other things. They've really made you so proud this year. You can even hear them reciting the alphabet and nursery rhymes to each other as they play.
Your heart warms at the sound of tiny voices filling the room as they sing. Then you glance at the clock and realize the bell will be ringing in a few minutes. So, you declare Ae-Cha the winner with her foot-high tower of blocks and she beams proudly. Then, you get up and clap three times, "One, two, th-three! Eyes on me!" You singsong, then smile when the kids immediately respond by clapping twice and shouting "One, two! Eyes on you!"
"G-Great attention today, everyone! Alright, the bell will ring soon. Who can tell me w-what that means? What are we doing n-now?" A few little hands go up and you point to the little boy that raised his first, "Yes, Joon Woo?"
"We...Uhm...time to clean up toys...Uhm..." You smile to encourage him and he finishes cutely, "Time uh, to clean up our toys and pack bags."
"Yes! Thank you, Joon Woo. It is t-time for us to clean up and make sure our bags are packed up and ready for h-home!"
The kids start to pick up their toys as you put on the cleaning song that you play every day for them. You all sing along until the room is all tidied and their bags are packed with their homework papers.
You always give them little mazes to do for homework to get their little brains to learn to concentrate, along with instructions on what to draw to show the class the next day. Today, their homework is an extremely easy maze, a coloring page with the alphabet and instructions to draw themselves doing their favorite activity. The kids always love drawing pictures and sharing them with the class and it's a good ice breaker for the shy ones at the beginning of the day.
You always have less and easier homework for the kids on Mondays and Fridays, it just seems fair to you that way. You also feel like it's good for kids to express themselves and be able to share what they like and dislike. You've found drawing helps with communication and creativity for the kids in your class.
The sound of the bell ringing makes a few of you jump, then you hurry to the door. "Alright, ducklings! T-Time to line up!" A few of the kids make quacking sounds as they line up, giggling and talking to their friends.
You smile and open up the door, holding it as the kids walk out in a straight line, some of them still quacking like little ducks.
You lead the kids to the front of the school and make sure they get into the correct line for the bus if they take it. You wave goodbye to them as the kids that take the bus climb on and they run to a window to wave back to you.
The rest of the kids that are left are soon picked up by their parents or siblings. You wave to Ae-Cha, the last student to be picked up. She smiles shyly and waves back before hurrying after her big sister.
After that, you go back to your classroom and finish a few things before packing up to go home. As you're leaving your classroom, you run into one of the other teachers coming from his own room.
"Oh, h-hello Mr. B-Baek!" You bow, missing the ugly sneer on his face as you smile brightly at him. He pushes his glasses further up his nose as he scrutinizes you with his beady little eyes. "You don't belong here, Miss ___." He snaps.
You look at him in confusion, "I-I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"I've waited the entire school year to say this to you. But now that we are nearing the end, I think you should know that you have no business being a teacher at this school. You ought to make the right decision to discontinue your work here." Mr. Baek watches your face fall with a sick sense of satisfaction.
"B-But, why?" You ask, still not understanding.
"First of all, you're inexperienced. You just got out of college last year, am I right?"
You nod uncertainly.
"You're still a child. Why should a twenty-two-year-old girl come marching in here and take a spot that should have been given to someone with more experience? And especially someone like you." He glares at you before turning on his heel and walking away briskly.
Someone like me? What does he mean by that?
You watch after him, feeling a tiny pinch in your chest. You aren't sure what he means, but whatever he's talking about, it sounds like he believes you shouldn't have become a teacher at all. At this school or another. You'll have to ask Mina later because you really have no idea where his rant came from.
Is there something wrong with you becoming a teacher?
You shake your head and laugh it off, "He's probably just had a bad day." You tell yourself as you make your way out of the school.
As you walk home, you sing quietly along with the song in your headphones, a little skip to your step.
You never notice the dark figure across the street, his eyes trained on your every move.
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One day earlier...
Jungkook groans as he tosses and turns in bed, searching for his phone to turn the alarm off. He finally finds it and hits dismiss, tossing the phone back down and rubbing his eyes with a tired yawn.
After another minute he sits up and looks out the window, frowning at the sun seeping in and pooling across his floor in a golden river. He stares at a small bird that lands on his windowsill until it flies away.
Jungkook yawns again and reaches up to rub his eyes for the second time. After a few minutes, he's finally able to drag himself out of bed and into the shower. He almost falls asleep again in there, but he manages to make it out after half an hour.
With a towel wrapped around his waist, he makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of soju that's sitting on his tiny dining table to take a small swig from, finishing off what he'd left last night after his third bottle right before he passed out in bed.
He sighs and grabs a bagel, searching for the cream cheese he swears he saw in his fridge last night. A small smile appears on his lips when he finds it. He snatches it and makes sloppy work of spreading it on his bagel before tossing the leftover trash onto his counter and plopping onto the couch, snarfing down the first half of his bagel in thirty seconds.
Jungkook sighs through his nose as he tiredly chews his breakfast, then he glances down and sees the file he'd left open on his coffee table last night. He swallows the bite he has in his mouth and leans forward to read over it.
Y/L/N Y/N...
Why is that name so familiar?
He shakes his head and flips the file closed, then he leans back on the couch, wanting to spend his Sunday relaxing before he has to get to work on this case. He isn't going to think about it again until tonight.
Jungkook settles down and lays his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.
He won't think about it.
Jungkook lays there for a minute, then he opens his eyes and lifts his head, glaring at the closed file on the little table.
He grunts in annoyance and drops the other half of his bagel onto the table, grabbing the file angrily and sitting back again. He opens it and starts to reread everything he's read many times since Friday. There's just something that has felt off since he met with Mr. Ling, but he can't put his finger on what it is.
Jungkook squints at the name he's read a thousand times.
Y/L/N...Y/N...
"Ugh." He rolls his eyes, frustrated at not being able to remember where he's heard that name before. Then he looks at the occupation.
Teacher at Sunshine Kindergarten.
His brows furrow again, much like they have each time he's read this. He's never had a hit on a teacher before, let alone a Kindergarten teacher. That's such an odd target...
Most of his targets in the past have been sleazy business owners, rapists, leaders of gangs that have terrorized neighborhoods for years, even other hitmen. He's never had a problem with those jobs, but there's something about this one that's telling him to be careful.
Maybe it's because he knows nothing about his client, except for the large sum of money he must have due to the pay he's been promised. Other clients of his were more than happy to explain why they wanted him to do what he does. They never paid him until after the job was done, either.
That leads Jungkook to believe that this guy (or girl) is desperate for his services, convincing him to do it with payment before and after. Almost as if Jungkook would refuse after he found out who the target was...
Jungkook flips the page and scrutinizes the picture of the target.
She's very simple looking, Jungkook thinks. The girl in the picture is wearing a white flowy skirt with a blue blouse that covers her whole arms and white chunky tennis shoes. Her hair is in a low ponytail and it seems like she has headphones in as she walks down the street. There's a tiny smile on her face as if she's thinking about something that makes her happy.
Jungkook doesn't find her particularly beautiful, but she isn't ugly either. She's just very...
Simple...
Jungkook shakes his head, his eyes going over the photo and the girl's smile one more time. Maybe she's a double agent? Or a part of the mafia disguising herself as a school teacher?
He can't figure it out.
It doesn't matter much though, the job seems simple enough and the pay is more than he's ever gotten. After looking through everything once more, Jungkook closes the file and grabs his bagel, quickly eating it before getting up to get dressed for the day.
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That night, Jungkook lays out his outfit for the next day.
It's all black, but not suspicious-looking. After all these years, he's been able to design the perfect outfits to avoid attention being drawn to him and simple enough so that no one would think much of him if he were to catch anyone's attention.
It might seem simple, but he prides himself on being able to get each part of his job perfectly designed for each case he gets.
Heaven knows it's taken him years to accomplish.
After he's gotten that all figured out, he walks over to his closet and pulls out a small safe. Setting it on the bed, he swiftly unlocks it and looks inside. He pulls out a few things, examining each of them before he sets them one by one onto his bed. Once he's got the items all laid out, he steps back to look it all over.
"I should wait to decide..." Jungkook mumbles to himself. After a minute of staring at everything, he nods and gathers it all up, carefully putting it back into the safe and locking it tightly. Then he brings it back to his closet and shoves it into the darkest corner where it lives.
That can wait.
He pulls his phone out and checks the time.
11:45
"Damn it," Jungkook mutters. He had wanted to get some sleep earlier tonight since he would have to be awake early tomorrow.
He changes into some shorts, then he yanks his shirt off and immediately climbs into bed, not even bothering to shower or brush his teeth. He really couldn't care less with how tired he is. And he hasn't even started yet.
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His alarm blares at an ungodly hour as Jungkook groans loudly, resisting the temptation to chuck his phone across the room.
"I hate Mondays." He mutters angrily, setting his phone back on the nightstand far from gracefully.
He miserably drags himself out of bed and into the shower, going through his morning motions almost like a robot. His brain isn't fully awake and it's just on autopilot right now.
An hour later, he's just finishing his coffee, his eyes no longer squinting in exhaustion. Jungkook unceremoniously drops his coffee cup into the sink, promising himself he'll clean it up later, then he sighs as he grabs his black boots, walking to the couch to sit and pull them on. After he's done lacing them up, he grabs the file he's been avoiding like the plague since yesterday morning.
He mutters to himself, looking at the name on the page.  
"I know that name."
Then he smacks his forehead to get himself to focus again. He stands up and folds the page with the girl's information and then her picture and tucks them into the inside pocket of his black jacket.
Time to get to work.
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Jungkook spots the girl almost instantly, the second she steps out of a black car. He glances at the driver, but can only see a person with shoulder length black hair waving. The girl from the picture has a bunch of things in her arms as she blows a kiss to the short-haired driver.
Jungkook has been here since six-thirty in the morning and just as he was beginning to think she called in sick for work, he's finally gotten a chance to see this girl in person. She looks exactly as he remembers from her picture...plain.
She's even wearing the same white skirt and chunky tennis shoes, although this time she has a different top. Her hair is in a high ponytail this time.
"Well, ___. Nice to meet you." Jungkook mutters, watching closely.
After a moment, the black car drives away as the girl scurries into the school, tripping on the last step before straightening herself out again, then disappearing from his sight.
Huh.
Jungkook stares at the door for another minute, then he makes his way to the stores nearby, knowing he's gonna have to wait until the girl leaves. School for the young kids typically gets out at around three-thirty. So, he'll have to be back here around then.
He's definitely going to need to find something to do to kill time.
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Jungkook heaves a sigh of relief when he hears the school bell finally ring.
He hurries from the clothes store he was browsing and down the street a block until he's almost across the street from the school. He finds a good spot where he can sift through some newspapers at a little stand and still have an eye on the school.
After a minute, he sees a long line of tiny children coming out from the school. The girl is with them and smiling brightly. Jungkook thinks he can hear some of the kids quacking like ducks. He tries not to look puzzled as he goes back to talking to the person working the paper stand. Jungkook makes small talk with the old man, still keeping an eye on the girl across the street as she waves to each child that leaves.
If she's some mafia boss disguised as a kindergarten teacher, she's one hell of a good actress.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" The old man inquires curiously.
Jungkook laughs softly and shakes his head, "No. I've been so busy with my work I never got the chance to date."
The man nods knowingly. They chat a bit more and Jungkook finds himself trying to balance talking to the man and watching the girl.
"Well, did you want to buy a paper for the day?"
Jungkook turns his gaze back to the old man and nods, "Yes. Two, please. My neighbor would probably enjoy one as well."
The old man laughs and nods, taking the money Jungkook hands him and giving him two papers, "What a kind young man you are. Someday you'll find a lovely young lady, don't you worry, son. You will realize that work is important, but love is even more so."
Jungkook just laughs and thanks the man, then he opens the paper as he slowly starts walking, pretending to read.
He stops at a bench and sits down to wait. The girl went back into the school a few minutes ago, hopefully, she won't be in there long.
Luck seems to be with him today, because, after only about five minutes, Jungkook sees a familiar white skirt flowing as she skips down the steps of the school.
He folds his paper carefully, tucking it into his back pocket. The girl puts little earbuds in and immediately starts to mouth the words of whatever song she's listening to. Jungkook tugs his black baseball cap down a little more as he follows on the other side of the street.
The girl has a bag decorated with cupcakes and cookies that bounces up and down as she dances a little.
What is she, twelve?
Jungkook watches in confusion as the girl stops to pet a dog, giggling when the puppy licks her hand. She straightens up, then after another minute, she seems to get distracted by something else.
Jungkook looks carefully and notices she's picked up a flower that was laying on the ground, seemingly trampled on. She gently holds it in her hands as she continues on her way. It goes on like this for the next fifteen minutes, the girl waving to people and smiling almost the whole way.
By the time she is walking up the steps to her apartment, Jungkook is dying to just get back home. That must have been the longest most annoying walk he's ever taken while tracking someone. The girl had stopped over twenty times, distracted by something else each time, he's sure of it.
Just to be sure, Jungkook lingers around the apartment building a little longer, but when it seems apparent that the girl is going to be staying there, he finally heads home.
Geez, Jungkook thinks in annoyance as he climbs the stairs that lead to his own apartment. His head is spinning with so many questions while he unlocks his door and yanks his boots off with a groan.
But when he plops down onto his bed in his tiny studio apartment, he just stares at the ceiling, his mind suddenly blank apart from one question.
Who in the hell would put a hit on this girl?
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Copyright © @writemywaytoyourheart 2021
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a/n: I hope you guys are liking the setup so far, thank you for all the positive reactions from the prologue!
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big-ronnev-fan · 2 years
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So I decieded to rant about a bunch of Ron centered ships because... idk I just want to. This will be everything from the popular ships, to guilty pleasurs, to ships that just kinda confuse me. I'm gonna try to be nice to all of them but obviously they'll be ships I just don't like so I'll tag this post with *ship name*critical if that's the case. Also if I missed a ship that for some reason you want to hear me ramble about, than let me know. Finally I will not be doing pedo ships cos thoses just make me really uncomfy.
So with all that said, lets get started;
Romione: so this is the most popular one, and I see why. Personally I love the hight diffrence and the "opposites attract" vibes and bickering married couple used to be my fav fanfic trope so yeah. This used to be my favorite ship a few years ago, and while now I still like it, the ship kinda has some bad vibes for me. The parts where Herms attacks Ron are actually really triggering for me and it makes it a lot harder to enjoy, which sucks cos I do like their dynamic, just not the abuse.
Ronnary: so this ship is pure bffs to lovers + "and they were roomates", isn't it? I really love this one. While it isn't my number one, I don't actually have any problems with it. Like ig the closes thing to a "problem" with it is that they sometimes fight but idk if that really counts. All and all, I really like this ship and I need more of it.
Runa: this👏🏾ship👏🏾is👏🏾so👏🏾cute!!!! Like I really love it. I think it's adorable and I 100% think that Luna at least had a crush on Ron around Ootp. Also it's known as red moon and I love that
Ravender: I like this one so much. It's one of my favorite canon ships. That's not to say that it'd work long term or that I wanted it to be end game, but I really like the idea of them being each others first partners and I totally believe that they had a wonderful friendship after they left school and Lav married Parvti. Honestly this is more brotp than otp but I did like it as a romance. Also it had so much bi!girl/bi!boy vibes to it so yeah
Ronnev: this is the best Ron ship. Idc what anyone says, this is the best one. These two boys both deal with simular self-esteam issues, they're both very talented but take a while to "tap into" said talent, they're both the perfect combo of soft boi and badass, they both clearly care for one another, they both would punch an asshole, they are the perfect coffe shop/flower shop au ship, they were roomates, while the both have a lot of angst it doesn't seem to come from their relationship (so instead of the usual relationship angst it's more "us against the world" and/or "I can understand what you're going through and will try to help"), and finally... I just really like them
Vicron: so, this is one that my opinion of it is basically; "Victor krum is kinda creepy and the fact that he dated/stared at underage girls while he was an adult in the eyes of the wizarding world was gross, but qlso he was def Ron's bi awakening and I can totally see Ron being jealous of Hermione for going with Victor instead of the other way around". Tl;dr, I don't ship, but I do think Ron had a crush on Vic.
Dron: soooooo.... this is one that most of the people following me probably don't like. And I get it, Draco was a total jerk and bullied both Ron and his pals. But- while I don't ship, I will say that, imo, it's not that bad. Like I don't like it, but it's not worse than drarry or dramione, it's just less popular. And they have a fire and ice dynamic and while I still dislike the ship I do think that the dynamic is pretty cool
Ronsy: I don't get this one. I really don't like it. Like I can at least understand most Ron!ship but this one, I just- no. I do however like it as a au brotp. Like if I for some reason read drarry (which sincs I'm not the biggest fan of I usualky don't) then I'd like to have some Pansy/Ron platonic stuff in there. Like idk why, I just do. It's probably cos they're both the hot ones lmao
Blairon: ah yes, the guilty pleasure. The one which makes zero sense in canon vut I love anyways. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because I want a ship where Ron is the short one. Maybe it's because I think Blaise deserves more character. Maybe it's because I want an au where Ron gets to live wealthy. Maybe it's because Blaise's dads always dying and his mom probably being the murderer would probably give this boy some trust issues and Ron seems to conect with people that have trust issues that stem from their childhood (Harry). Maybe it's because I want an au where Ron helps Blaise trust people and be more accepting of muggleborns and Blaise helps Ron have more self confidence. MAYBE I JUST WANT THESE TWO BOYS TO BE HAPPY
Ron/Padma: I'm not a fan. I get why people ship it, but I'm not a fan. Honestly Padma deserved better than how Ron treated her at the yule ball and I don't really love this ship.
Ron/Dean: this one is adorable and I love it. "Two tall bois being dorks" the ship
Ron/Seamus: again, this is adorable. Love it and I want most of it.
This is all for now but if you want me to do more (for some reason) than let me know and I will
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miutonium · 2 years
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your favorites/any that you particularly want to answer from the cafe asks? 🥰 (kittyandco)
Oh thank you 😳 i really appreciate this since I actually gotten a few ask with the same questions and i have 2 that I would actually love to answer hgnnn
Filter Coffee: Are you more of a gusher or silent admirer?
So previously, I believe I am more of a silent admirer? I mean, I do have a blog before this actually but I just never tell anyone about my s/i ocs (other than drawing her) and elaborate my stories because at that time I was still nervous that someone would come at me and say mean things to me and also everyone had cooler s/i with cool backstory and me being uncreative and also not that good at drawing and designing a cool s/i felt kind of discouraged from it. Not to mention I don't really get that enough support to draw and gush about my f/o and my s/i and having to consistently post my f/o or otherwise being leftout just burns me out a lot :/ i ended up leaving my blog and the fandom because of that (and other personal reason)
Though, I actually really like how a lot of people here seems to talk about their love for a character and i just love seeing how passionate they are for them and I never seen that anywhere else on the internet other than here. So I returned to tumblr because I really missed being in a part of something i loved and watch people gushing over a character really makes me happy ;w;
I actually wasn't aware of a selfship community at all when I started this blog, even though I do selfship, I actually didn't know there's a community where people support each other's selfships even though they're not a part of the other person's f/os' fandom . I used to be around with the reader insert crowd too so like I really didn't know anything about selfshipping at all despite using tumblr for 3 years at that time (also you wouldn't believe this but i legit didn't know what f/o and s/i meant and I have to look around to figure out what it means lol). No one told me it was okay to feel very attached to an f/o an and actually feel okay about not wanting to share an f/o with others (inb4 I'm okay with sharing Utonium don't worry about that!)
These days, I feel like I am more confident about talking and gushing about Utonium. Part of it because I love this man to death and he deserves everything good and I also don't see anyone gush about him at all (like i legit scrolled down his tags and i see barely anyone simped for this man) and I just need to change that lol.
Chai Tea: Do you prefer s/is or ocs when shipping?
Okay so I was confused initially cuz I always thought that they're the same (because Chloe's is technically my s/i oc) so like i dont really understand what's going on here until it clicked on me that the question probably meant I design my s/i to look similarly to me hhh my bad
Anyway, I prefer ocs more since I actually don't like to mix irl stuff with my fantasy (also I am actually not into men irl so like it feels off whenever I imagine myself with Utonium these days) and no way I am attractive enough to sway this man away ;w;
I never draw myself with Utonium (and probably never will in the future ;w;) but previously with my previous f/o I actually did that a couple times and hhh you know what I'm just gonna attach some pictures of him and me :3
(Picture Undercut of course)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I still love these drawings tbh. We both look like bad bitches if you asked me lol. Also yes I had a shorter hair with highlights before hgnnn
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Text
Natalie: You know what? Don't even think about them, okay? Tonight is about celebrating us.
Leo: You're right, you're right. We shouldn't let a couple...
Guy: Nope, nope. I'm a self-diagnosed claustrophobic. I have to sit next to the window.
Leo: No, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, that's our table.
Natalie: You know what? Screw celebrating us. You know what we're gonna do?
Both: Make those smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay.
Both: Aw...
Toby: Can't believe your aunt's not coming to the wedding.
Natalie: Okay, seriously, I need to stop crying. Does anyone know how to turn this off? Is there, like, a button or something?
Leo: Want me to feel around for it? It's probably somewhere on your back. What? Trying to cheer you up.
Natalie: I don't think that's possible at this point.
Leo: Challenge accepted.
Natalie: No, Leo, I just need to get myself to stop crying, that's all.
Jane: Boogiddy-boo!
Toby: Jane, what the hell? It's not the hiccups.
Jane: I was just going on a hunch.
Natalie: [hiccups] And now I have the hiccups.
Natalie: So the hairdresser shows up at 2 on Sunday.
Leo: Great. And while you do that, I'll check in on the ring bear.
Natalie: I'm sorry, you're saying "ring bearer," right?
Leo: Ring bear.
Natalie: Okay, look into my eyes and say: "I promise that I'm not bringing a dangerous wild animal to our wedding."
Leo: [laughs]
Leo: That's the shuttle with our elderly relatives pulling up. There's nine steps between the bus and that door. That means, we've only got about 45 minutes until they get inside.
Natalie: We won't have a moment to ourselves once those old bastards latch onto us like leeches. But they're family and I love them.
Leo: Ha, ha. Our living link to history.
Leo: "Let's get this party started"? Hey, can you push the button?
Natalie: Do not touch that button.
Leo: Just give it a little push.
Natalie: Don't push it.
Leo: Half of it, halfway, halfway...
Natalie: Don't even touch it.
Security Guard: Why can't I push the button?
Natalie: Because whenever Leo sees a button - any button - he has to push it.
[flashback to Leo and Natalie with a woman who's in labor in the elevator after Leo pressed all the floor buttons:
Leo: Sorry.
[present:]
Leo: Why are you so mad?
Natalie: Because my rehearsal dinner was supposed to start ten minutes ago. But instead of stuffing my face with hors d'oeuvres that I have been dreaming about for months, I am in a laser tag security office, waiting for the police to arrest my fiancé for causing a disturbance.
Leo: Hey, you said "fiancé." That's a good sign. Now what do you say we give that old button a push?
Natalie: Take a good look at this face, Leo, okay? 'cause it'll be useful for the future. This is my "pretty mad" face.
Leo: Well, then, we've got a problem. 'cause it looks a lot like your "pretty hungry" face.
Natalie: I'm missing the bacon-wrapped figs!
Leo: Please push the button!
Natalie: Someone suggest something useful.
Jane: Here's the plan. Percy, you and Toby go gather the ingredients we do know. Natalie, you wake up Leo long enough to find out the secret ingredient. And I'll race down to the spa to keep my 8:15 mani and pedi. Okay, let's do this.
Natalie: Bitch, walk out that door and I'm tagging in Zhang as my maid of honor.
Jane: Okay, let's start simple: Fresh ocean air.
Leo: I don't believe this. You did Weekend at Bernie's and it worked. God, today's gonna be all downhill from here.
Natalie: That's what the bride wants to hear.
Leo: Ha, ha. No, that's not what I meant. I just mean Weekend at Bernie's is way more amazing than our wedding could be. I'm gonna get more coffee. I can't wait to see the photos.
Toby: Well, he bought it.
Natalie: We lied out of love. Look how happy he is. I mean, he has no idea we had to cancel the photos... and my uncle came up and kicked Leo in the crotch.
Leo: And the best part is, your uncle James has no idea. He still loves me. Hey, do anyone else's balls hurt?
Jane: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, how about we switch to an activity that's more suited to somebody who's, you know, heh, getting married today?
Nina: Oh. We gonna go chug some Labatts?
Jane: I was thinking we could chug some memories, instead.
Natalie: "Leo and Natalie. Lovers Forever and Ever and Ever, A Love Story."
Kate: Sounds cheesy. I'm gonna go barf forever and ever and ever. See you, hosers.
Jane: I mean, I know Natalie's not the girliest girl, but you'd think on her wedding day she'd be at least a little sentimental.
Toby: Everyone deals with getting married differently. I got what I thought was the worst haircut. Until I fixed it with the actual worst haircut.
Nico: Which led to the worst wedding photos.
Percy: Don't worry, any minute, Natalie's gonna get smacked in the face with her holy-crap-this-is-my-wedding moment. And she'll wedding-out all over the place, I promise. But you can't force it. It has to just happen.
Jane: I don't know, she bailed on my scrapbook when she found out The Wedding Bride 2 is on pay-per-view.
Toby, Percy: The Wedding Bride 2 is on pay-per-view? 
[They both run out]
Natalie: Oh, hi, Grandma.
Grandma: Natalie, sweetheart. I wanted you to have this. It's me and your grandpa on our wedding day.
Nico: Aw. That's so sweet.
Grandma: See my bouquet? Those wildflowers? They were supposed to be hydrangeas but there was a mix-up at the florist. I was so upset, your grandpa went behind the church and picked those wildflowers for me. And now, he's buried...
Natalie: Behind the same church surrounded by the same wildflowers. Okay, Grandma, watching a movie, gotta go. Every single holiday, that same dumb story. [closes door] Sorry, Grandma, not as touching as you think it is.
Jane: [sobbing] At the very same church. 
Natalie: Now, I wanna see if Roby can get his wiener unstuck from that thermos.
Jane: No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
Natalie: I'm sorry, did you just turn off the bride's TV on her wedding day?
Jane: Oh. Oh, is this your wedding day? Ha, ha. I'm sorry, I couldn't tell, you're acting like it's any other Sunday morning. And it's not.
Natalie: Jane, if you're waiting for me to suddenly turn into the wedding bride, just give up, that's just not me.
Jane: Fine. Maybe we should all just act like this wedding's no big deal. Maybe I don't even feel like wearing my bridesmaid's dress.
Natalie: Great. It's just a wedding. Who cares what people wear?
[meanwhile:]
Toby: Say yes to the suit!
Leo: I can't, I can't. 
Leo: Fine, there's a very simple solution here, we might as well just face it. U.S. Marines have to get married in uniform, so I'll just go enlist. Dude, we can enlist together. That's the dream.
Frank: That's not...
Leo: I wonder if they let you pick bunkmates. I hope they do. Although I might wanna request a single. You'll make friends. 
Natalie: Uh-oh. Out of ice.
Jane: I'll get it.
Natalie: Oh, no, got it, sit down. Plus, the, uh, vending machine's got a loose coil. I'm gonna try to hip check my way into some free Tropical Skittles. [exits]
Nina: Natalie's not like most brides, is she?
Kate: She's an Ouellette. She's not gonna lose her Timbits because she's getting married.
Jane: I guess some people just never have that holy-crap-this-is-my-wedding moment. 
[Natalie is in the hallway, headed to the ice machine. She bumps into a woman with dark hair and looks shocked. As if she had just seen a ghost]
Natalie: Aunt Meg?
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