#I'm pretty sure she has some kind of mental condition

[fedorah-the-explorah]

fan fiction ideaaaaaaaaaa! ❤️

Shadowsan has to trust chief with his life during a caper, and Carmen knows that it’s like the only way to save some sort of artifact or something like that, but she doesn’t trust chief whatsoever, due to the trauma that cheif did kill Carmen’s biological father, so Carm is like super scared and worried for Dadowsan.

I just thought it was a good idea, something that could be used later on for you, but it’s like your choice if you actually want chief to make a mistake and then something happens to shadowsan, and then Carmen is like super pissed…….like dangerously pissed………but it’s totally up to you if you want to make it a happy ending or a sad ending lol 😘😘😘

your amazing and tysm for all you do for this fandom, your pretty awesome and I see ur stuff all the time, you are a writing genius pretty much lolll ❤️

Omg stop it, I'll cry right now-- that was such a kind thing to say about my writing. It really made my day ❤️

Anyways, here ya go! It's not very long and I'm not sure it's quite what you had in mind, but I'm happy with it. This takes place post series.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was a light stepper, but that's never meant much to him. He raised her from infancy; he knew her presence well.

"Are you going to lurk there all day," he asked, "Or are you going to say hello?"

He turned around, abandoning the task of polishing his newly--and legally-- acquired swords. Carmen glanced at him wordlessly, contributing nothing. She was sullen as stared down at the hotel room's desk, absently running her fingers along the surface. Her lips were slightly pursed and her eyebrows were drawn. He recognized the look well, and seeing it, he may as well have been picked up by the scruff and placed back in time twelve years.

Black Sheep had never been much of a reticent child, but when she wanted something she knew they wouldn't allow, she took her time to work up the will to ask. She would become silent and broody, and Shadowsan always found it amusing how transparent children could be.

"Is there something you want?"

She glared down at the desk, fingers drawing still. He folded his hands behind his back as he waited on her.

"...Let me come with you." She said.

"No."

"Shadowsan."

"You are in no condition," He said, nodding to her arm in a cast. "How did that even happen?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She muttered.

He hummed and made a mental note to ask Player about it later.

"I thought you were out of the game," She said, "What changed?"

He looked at her, eyebrows raised. "I could ask the same of you. Why are you here, Carmen?"

She snorted. "I'm only partly retired. You know I can't sit still."

He considered this. He nodded.

"Point."

"Why are you doing this, Shadowsan? What happened to living a normal life?"

"This operation hits close to home. Various museums around the country have been the targets of often violent robberies. ACME Intel indicates that Matsumoto could be next."

"'Could be,' huh? Give me and Player two hours and we'll get you definite answers."

He frowned at her, eyes narrowing.

"What is this about, child?"

"I'm not a child." She muttered.

He rolled his eyes. "Forgive an old man for his habits."

She turned away from him.

"Carmen."

She stared at the floor, shoulders held stiffly with tension.

He pressed again. "What is bothering you?"

She huffed. "It's just..."

She trailed off, her fists clenching as she spun back around.

"...Why do you have to work with her?!"

He blinked, somewhat taken aback. That's what this was about? She'd come all the way to Japan just to plead with him against working with ACME's chief...? He thought her issue with the Chief had been long resolved, was there something he was missing?

"I mean, what's it even about? Chief doesn't do field work! That's weird! And why couldn't you have partnered with literally anyone else? Fuck! You, Zack, and Ivy have tons of experience working together. You could have worked with Jules, or Devineaux, or even Zari! I don't trust it."

He grunted. "I would not work with that French idiot even if my life depended on it."

"Why her?"

He hummed. "I imagine it has to do with me being ex-VILE. It would make sense if she wanted to make sure of my allegiances herself."

"That's ridiculous. She has both Zack and Ivy's word. If she trusts them then she should trust you."

"ACME's chief is a cautious woman."

"Oh, really. Wasn't very cautious of her when she pulled a gun on my father."

Oh.

Okay. He understood now.

"Are you worried she's going to..?"

She hugged herself, suddenly looking very unsure of herself.

"No... Yes. Maybe... I don't know. Just let me come with you..?"

He sighed heavily and approached her. He put a hand on her shoulder and waited for her to look at him.

"I will be fine," He assured her, "I've been in and out of this game for a long time. Even if she does try anything-- which I know she won't-- I am perfectly capable of defending myself."

"I know, but--"

"--Have you been doing okay?"

"...What?"

"Have you been doing okay? You know I am happy to have you here, but I must admit that I'm worried about you. You flew all the way here, and for what? To accuse a woman you yourself have worked with of plotting something insidious? It's uncharitable, and I hate to say it, but incredibly irrational."

She pulled away from him.

"I'm fine." She insisted, "God, you and Player sound exactly alike."

"Player is an intelligent young man."

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine, whatever. Maybe I'm being unfair, but you'll have to excuse me if I trust a little less after all the shit I've been through."

She swallowed harshly and swiped at her eyes. He watched her silently, a dull ache in his throat and a stabbing desire in his heart to vanish anything that troubled her.

"Perhaps I should move closer to you, I--"

"What? No. Shadowsan, that's-- No. You're finally back with your brother, you don't have to--"

"--I don't have a responsibility to Hideo, Carmen. You're like a daughter to me, and if you're struggling--"

"--I'm not struggling."

"It's okay if you are."

"Well, I'm not. And it's fine. I have Player. You don't have to uproot your entire life for me."

He smiled ruefully. Of course she wouldn't understand, it wasn't her job to.

Back in the beginning, years and years ago, he'd never been one to care much about anything. Life had not been kind to him, and so he was not kind to others. But it was in those early days, the first few sleepless nights before the nannies showed up, that he found himself actually concerned about somebody else. Holding the child, wishing desperately that she would just go the fuck to sleep, he came to reckon with his role in her life. He had, completely and irrevocably, changed the course of her entire life. She was his responsibility, and it wasn't about him anymore. Anything he'd ever do would have to be for her. This was the burden he shouldered.

(he'd choose this burden time and time again.)

"I uprooted your entire life, are you sure you don't want to return the favor?"

She snorted, a small smile that she tried to fight gracing her lips.

"I want you to reconnect with your brother."

"And I want to make sure you're happy."

"I am happy, Shadowsan. I just... have a lot going on." Her voice sort of hitched at the end, and ouch. It pained him to see her like this.

She shuffled closer to him and he recognized the action for what it was. Even as a child, she could never bring herself to ask for affection. She'd just kind of follow you around and stare up at you and wait until you got the message. The other three never quite caught on-- or, they did, and they opted to ignore her. Then there was Coach Brunt, and that was just... Ugh.

Understanding her need, he took her and held her close. She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder.

"I've just been so... weird lately."

"It's understandable after all you've been through."

"I can barely relax."

He had no good response to that. He pet her hair instead.

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know."

"...I um. You know that I love you, right?"

He smiled softly, quiet content spreading warm in his chest. He kissed the crown of her head.

"I know. I love you too."o

#carmen sandiego 2019 #carmen sandiego netflix #carmen sandiego #shadowsan #dadowsan #carmen sandiego fanfic #she broke her arm by falling off a roof to get a frisbee for one of the kids #she got distracted by another kid trying to climb onto the roof and whoopsie dasies #someone learned a valuable lesson about not doing stupid shit in front of children #but also now the kids know not to climb on the fucking roof lmao #okay i said i was happy with it but then i reread it and #blehhhh #not my best work but yolo #my tumblr exclusives are just like that #'s what happens when you write something in one sitting

[many-but-one]

Hello there! We had a question for you. Is there a middle ground between RAMCOA and more standard forms of abuse? Not to give too much detail, but in reading at endritualabuse.org, I've learned that my experiences heavily line up with trauma/torture based mind control and simple to moderately complex programming, but there was no RA/OA. It was done sloppy, loose ends stuffed in wherever, you know? Not by someone who knows how to program, just someone who knows how to be cruel, and how to mentally force someone to do what they want.

What I'm asking for is, is there like, a place for me to learn about... Me? A botched polyfrag system loosely resembling a moderately complex programmed one? Or do I just have to dip a toe into each world? I'm trying to figure out what I need to learn to address this complexity appropriately with my therapist, who is great with DID but doesn't know a lot about programming.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give in leading my further research.

Hello system-splintered!! I hope my answer will be helpful to you, but know that I’m not professional. However! We did JUST finally get to a point in which we were able to successfully tell our therapist we have programs without a program running and offing us, so that’s pretty great🤩 We have had way too many close calls with that, and our higher ups were able to dismantle things just enough to be able to get it out without us being harmed in the process. Our specialist has been in the field with DID systems for a very long time, and she’s worked with a patient in the past with RA, but she has never worked with a system who has programs/MC like us.

So, I don’t know what kind of programs you have and I don’t suggest delving deep into finding them out, because that can cause a lot of issues and disruption in the flow of things. While some disruption can be good, other types of disruption can become fatal for the system, if they have programs for suicide or self harm (commonly called omega programs.)

However, we had to REALLY talk around it, (couldn’t even SAY words like “programming” or “conditioning” or anything along those lines without a silence or scramble program running, it was wild) and our highest level gatekeeper, Aridam, has been laying breadcrumbs in hopes she was collecting them for the last year or so, trying to hint at what is going on without being so overt to trigger the programs. It wasn’t until he met other programmed systems and got resources to learn more about his own situation (because let’s face it, gatekeepers can know everything about their system and how it functions, but that doesn’t mean they know jack shit about it in a clinical sense.) Our abusers didn’t sit down and say “okay, we are going to program you to be a sex slave now, here is step one…” no, it was layers upon layers of manipulation and torture, and they never really used words like program (except to teach the silence parts what words they had to make sure we couldn’t say) or even named the programs (alpha, beta, etc) or anything like that with us. We HAVE those, but we didn’t know that’s what they WERE.

Now, looking online for this information can be really dangerous because there is a lot of information that is 1) deeply antisemitic 2) geared toward practitioners and not toward victims 3) outright calling victims and their therapists crazy for believing programming can even exist.

All of the above can be very harmful for a system just learning and figuring out that they are programmed. A couple of books that we found are sensitive to people who have been through the abuse itself but also don’t mince words are “Becoming Yourself” by Alison Miller (we haven’t finished this one, but we have started it and like it a lot), and “Safe Passage to Healing” by Chrystine Oksana. I would still tread carefully if you are still newer to these things, but you know yourself best, so you can take my warnings with a grain of salt if you wish.

The best thing about “Becoming Yourself” by Alison Miller is that there is a companion book that was written for practitioners trying to work with their patients on deprogramming, called “Healing the Unimaginable” (by Alison Miller) This book is NOT recommended for patients or victims of this abuse, BUT, you can suggest this book to your therapist to help them learn how to treat you. From what we’ve read in Becoming Yourself, Alison Miller is talking about some very complex and high level abuse and torture, stuff even we haven’t been through. HOWEVER, these things can still be applied to some of the “lower” levels of manipulation and abuse, and overall it is a good learning tool to understand how to heal from this awful abuse.

These books are quite expensive, though. We got a copy in pdf form from a system who shared a google drive link with us, and if that system sees this reply they are more than welcome to reblog and share their link if they want to, or DM the asker if system-splintered is okay with it. I don’t want to go sharing links willy nilly if that is not something they are okay with.

I also want to add at the very end here, that just because your system isn’t “high level MK-ULTRA” type of programming (ours isn’t either) that doesn’t mean that your situation is not valid or not relevant and it didn’t massively affect you. Not all programmers are good at what they do. It typically takes massive amounts of organization and power and education to pull this shit off in extreme levels. Our abusers were like that, but we suspect we were a bit of an “earlier attempt” and were mainly used to perfect their methods for later victims. Our earlier life abuse was indicative of them testing the waters, so to speak, but we believe they may have gotten better sources and better connections later on and in later years of our abuse were able to do the really intense and very “well done” types of programming, which is why some of our progs that came later are so “airtight” so to speak. (By comparison to some of our earlier progs) We don’t speak much on what is here for our safety, but we are eventually wanting to be more open about our deprogramming journey, to help others who are in a similar position.

I hope this helped! Take care, and if you or anyone else has further questions, our ask box is open as is our DMs!

-Dorian🌹

#dorian🌹 #ask #system splintered #did osdd #did alters #dissociative identity disorder #did #trauma #manybutone #ramcoa #programming #mc #ramcoa tw #torture tw #programming tw

[nicohverse]

Little Lion, Baby Bea...

(Art by @kiwifie !)

Who's curious about this sweetheart? This cute lion has been the topic of lots of discussion lately- For somebody with so little going on in her head, she sure is mysterious! And what little she does have going on in her head is wonderful- It's not a pejorative, the girl's genuinely been lobotomized. Luckily, it's not quite as bad as it sounds- She was pretty airheaded to begin with. The part of her brain she lost made it so she can't do magic to hide her animal features, and gave her a lot of cognitive difficulties.

"It's like... There's these things I know I knew how to do. And I don't know it at all anymore. I can't get it back. Even if I try to learn it again. It's scary... Like being trapped in a box, but the box has windows."

A girl who's new to adulthood and trying hard to assert her ability to be one in the face of her struggles, Bea might be cute and small, but she certainly won't tolerate being infantilized. She's living with a great caretaker who never underestimates or overestimates her ability- She's accommodated without being condescended to, and wants to reclaim sweetness and enthusiasm for herself while asserting her autonomy!

Some of Bea's struggles are pretty personal to me- About a year ago, I was still recovering from a lot. I'd only left an unsafe-for-me work environment a few months prior, hadn't yet hit a full year since 'recovering' from a covid infection that added to the workplace's exacerbation of my health conditions... I spent quite a while in an incredibly difficult cognitive space, actively fighting against brainfog...

Some stuff I haven't really talked about to anybody before- I could hardly make my brain remember anything I'd learned in college that hadn't been applied on the job since then. It was frightening and embarrassing to be without the information I spent so much time and money on. A lot of things I 'knew how to do' became muscle memory only- I could do them when I was doing them, but couldn't conceptualize how to do them if I sat down and thought about it. I'd find thoughts about things like solving a math problem would get stuck in my brain on loop without either progressing to the next step or going away. It was so difficult to deal with that I just about gave up on ever getting another job that utilized my mental skills without associating gross-motor movements.

But now, I'm better enough that I'm looking into getting more applicable credentials in my field, applying to data entry and medical record jobs again after recently losing my position as an art studio assistant. (Though worry not- All funds given to EF2 will be used for EF2) And better enough to be processing those feelings through Bea- A character who's incredibly precious to me. She's never going to 'get better' the same way I have- Instead, she's going to be a conduit for the idea that even if I hadn't recovered, I still would have found some kind of success. One of the many things Entropic Float is and always will be about is autonomy for the disabled community, to every possible degree that I have time in my life to portray.

If you want to help me portray that, and avoid reaching into my own recently-unemployed pockets to make Entropic Float 2 the best game it can be, the best property for Bea to find her joy in, consider supporting our stretch goals.

#cripplepunk #disability rights #disability pride #cognitive disability #visual novel #visual novel gamedev #gamedev #indie games #official content #indie gamedev #vndev #entropic float #entropic float 2: land of the witch #bea gumie

[frogmanfae]

Screams excitedly those are two of my fave livesies too!!

What are your headcanons for them?

Ooh ok ok ok I'm gonna section this

Elmer

Canon era

This isn't original but he has a cat who's the ugliest thing ever but he loves it so much

Big family, lots of siblings, raised by a single dad in over his head (this might be canon)

Almost completely illiterate. He learned the alphabet and that's about as far as he's been able to get. Buttons reads the headline to him every day and has tried to teach him but not much has actually stuck

Buttons is his best friend fs

He's definitely close with Spot Conlon. Someone told me that they think they're half brothers and I can't figure out if I like that or if I think they're a teeny bit in love. I think it depends on the context.

Elmer is Elmer in Manhattan but sometimes he sells in Brooklyn and he's Graves. The only one who knows he's both of these people is Race, who finds it extremely funny whenever someone else says something about Graves in Manhattan or Elmer in Brooklyn

First generation Polish American who's fluent in the Polish language. Because of this, he's good friends with Davey (a Polish immigrant) and he asks him about the country a lot. They both find it pretty refreshing to be able to speak the language and talk about Poland with someone they aren't related to.

Raised in a very religious setting, but once he started selling papers he used it as an excuse to escape the church (religious trauma)

Hides his feelings. If he has to cry he holds it in until night. He usually spends those nights on the street so his siblings don't hear and no body in the lodging house asks

He's on the younger side of the newsies. Either the youngest of the oldest or the oldest of the youngest

He's trying to provide for his family but he's often largely unsuccessful. Not because he's bad at selling or anything, but because a dime doesn't go as far with 9 people to feed

Modern Era

A lot of the canon era stuff carries over (the ugly cat, big family, Buttons, religious trauma, hiding his feelings...)

He really likes Spiderman. Like a lot.

His family isn't the most accepting in terms of his queerness but they could definitely be worse. They kind of just don't acknowledge it most of the time.

He likes to paint his nails. Or rather get his nails painted. Usually Buttons or Jojo does it, but the first time someone painted his nails it was his older sister before she moved out. His favorite color to do is pink but it's more often black so nobody makes a comment because he doesn't want to deal with it

He's one of those fluffy hair boys for sure

He likes experimenting with makeup, nothing too dramatic, but some shiny eyeshadow, some eyeliner (he hasn't been able to do a wing yet) a little bit of lip gloss.. He really likes blush tho, he wears it as often as he can

His sister got him a skirt as a joke and he's only ever put it on once to try. He doesn't love it and he's never worn it after that, but if he's going to a party he might consider it and not go through with it

Despite what literally everyone thinks, man can hold his liquor

He has glasses

He likes chunky jewelry. He has two piercings in each ear that he usually wears black studs and small black hoops in. He wants to get more piercings when he can, but that's it for now

Mountain Dew addict

Or pineapple Fanta addict

Both probably

He plays the flute and the guitar, but most people only know about the flute

He knows flower language. He and Sarah get together at least once a month to talk about flowers

Big over the ear headphones

So easily eepy, man can sleep anywhere no matter the conditions

He struggles a lot with his mental health, but he started to get help and talk more about it when he was nearing the end of high school

Finch

Canon era

Steals Specs's glasses more often than anyone realizes

He has a little sister but hasn't seen her since he ran away

He didn't really mean to run away, but he got into an argument with his parents one night and he stormed out. He got caught up in something and wound up in the Refuge for 6 months. After he got out, he couldn't bring himself to go back. He had just spent half a year getting tortured and degraded and if he went home and his parents were still mad (especially now that he had gotten arrested and disappeared for so long) he wouldn't have been able to handle it. So he never tried

He's actually really good at gambling. Like really good. Most of the time he's not even trying. It drives Race insane

He's close friends with Albert and he might have some more than platonic feelings about him, but he's not entirely sure because he has the same feelings about other people (Crutchie) so it might just be good friend feelings (is it tho?)

He lovesss some good word play

He won't often go out and make trouble himself, but he definitely follows people into trouble a lot

Modern Era

Again, some of this carries over (stealing Specs's glasses, confusing feelings about his friends, word play, following people into trouble...)

He's really close with his sister. She's several years younger than him, but she's his whole world

His parents are divorced and he lives with his dad most of the time, but his mom is still very present in his life

He doesn't do anything to his hair. Like he doesn't even brush it most of the time. Just shampoo and conditioner. It makes Race so pissed that his curls aren't all over the place

Archery 100℅

He doesn't excel in school but he's a straight B student (with the occasional C in math)

He doesn't play hockey, but he does watch it when it's on TV

He knows how to braid, mostly because of his sister. Not just normal braids either, several types of braids. Fishtail, Dutch, French, bubble, all of the above

He's kind of quiet in class, but not so much when he's with his friends

Not a whole lot really bothers him. He's the guy all his friends come to when they're upset

#i love these guys #Elmer is my special guy #i could talk about them for hours #newsies #elmer kasprzak #finch cortes

[sidebaxolotl]

Genuine question how do you justify the idea that God intentionally hurts nonbelievers to "break them" into falling back onto faith? I grew up with this idea drilled into me pretty heavily and as an adult looking back I don't know how to disconnect that message from an inherent message of abuse - love me or I will break you until you do.

Not trying to be antagonistic, I'm genuine here and speaking from experience. this concept has seriously messed with me, and played a part in an internal connection between faith and punishment. Especially since many of my struggles and stressors revolve around my physical and mental health. It took me years to unlearn the idea that my panic attacks were God punishing me, or pushing me to confess something so I would turn back to Him. How can I possibly take comfort from pain in someone who inflicted that pain on me intentionally to "break" me into submission? I get that actions have consequences, but the lowest points in my life have rarely been because of my own choices. I have medical conditions that need medical treatment, and none of those conditions were triggered by poor choices. They're just a thing that exist and it sucks, but they're not my fault any more than an allergy would be my fault.

sorry if this is too much, I just genuinely don't understand your viewpoint and your page seems to be open to discussion?

Ah, yeah this is kinda why i had some hesitation about making that post because i kinda figured someone would take it this way but I wanted to vent about something that was driving me crazy so I did any way. I'll try to explain the best I can though! A couple caveats before I explain this:

1. I do not believe every instance of a nonbeliever suffering is inherently a punishment from God and i would strongly caution people from using this logic 99% of the time--we live in a fallen world and the consequence of that is pain and brokenness for everyone regardless of faith or lack there of 2. However, as believers we do have assurance from God that whatever pain or brokenness we do go through is 100% not a punishment from God. We will absolutely incur pain and brokenness in our lives but God has promised to use it for our good and His glory (Romans 8:1, Romans 8:32, Romans 8:28). And you seem like a believer to me anon, so this point is what applies to you. God is not punishing you.

So ok, for the situation with nbbestie, I'm sure this is whats happening in this specific case because I'm privy to a lot more information about her and her faith than I'm willing to divulge on here. I was discipling her before she fell away, I've been witness to the struggling and suffering on her end, she has told me very personal things about herself and we've lived life together very closely and personally.

And this whole ordeal has gone on for years. This is a very specific case where I've prayed enough and know enough from being there that I understand the situation in a very intimate way. What I am willing to divulge on here is that even though I love nbbestie with my whole heart, she is an intensely prideful and stubborn person. And someone like that has a heart that is too hard and too hearty to receive God peacefully. And believe me, He has already tried peacefully.

As I've seen suffering and and worsening of circumstances fall on all three of us, me and bbestie were able to cope and keep our heads above water--mind you the problem isn't 100% fixed but we asked God for help and he did provide exactly what was needed (+ comfort) and nothing more. Nbbestie did not receive that kind of divine help, and in fact out of the three of us she's having the worst go of it.

She has no idea what to do or who to turn to (we help her and support her as much as we can but its really not a problem than anyone is equipped to fix) and we've had conversations where she has asked me "how do you do this?" or "what do you do?" and when I tell her that I ask God for things or pray to Him about my suffering she has not listened or has directly obfuscated my point. This is not a coincidence. She is asking me for the answer (God) and deliberately not taking it when given because she does not want to submit to God and thinks she can do everything herself. The only way to get through to a prideful heart like that is to crush that pride. And that often means taking away things or affliction until the heart is broken and contrite enough to be humble. There is biblical precedent for this, like Saul of Tarsus pre-conversion. God had to physically blind him and knock him off of his horse before he was humbled enough to stop his persecution and give his life to Christ. Or even figures like Pharaoh who let his people suffer through terrible plagues before he was humbled enough by his own suffering to let the Jewish people flee Egypt. This last part is really hard to understand if you haven't fully internalized the character of God and His sovereignty but I'm going to try and explain this too because this is the most important part and the crux of this explanation:

God is good. Like He is everything good and just and holy and kind and perfect. We need him more than anything else in this world. He is the highest good that can ever be achieved. He is not like human beings with flawed and selfish motives. If you told me that any human being in your life: parent, sibling, friend, spouse etc. deliberately let you suffer so that you would have to rely on them totally i would call them crazy and abusive--these are flawed, and sinful human beings. To do something like that would require a large amount of pride and delusion on an unreal level. They aren't perfect, they dont have all the answers, they are biased, no human being could ever be the highest good in someone elses life like that.

But that isn't God. He is good and perfect. He does know all the answers, He is not biased, He always makes the right decisions. He is without flaw. He is your creator and sustainer and is thus the only thing even remotely qualified to be the highest good in your life. Doing whatever it takes to get you to see Him directly is a net benefit TO YOU. You can take some comfort in suffering and affliction particularly as a believer because God cares enough to use it to help you get closer to Him and His perfect love and care rather than let you continue in ignorance unafflicted.

#I hope that makes sense! feel free to send another ask if you have more questions #unfortunately imma have to make this non rebloggable because i dont want nbbesties business all out like that #if this is a post yall like lemme know and i can make a rebloggable version for yall #i will leave it in the answers tag if ppl wanna reference it later #answers

[weshallc]

I know most people are probably over it or sick to death of hearing about it and some just wondering what all the fuss is about. But, I keep hijacking everyone's posts. So I'm just going to say what I thought and be done with it.

Series 12 Ep 5 under the bar just in case anyone has skilfully managed to avoid spoilers.

Yesterday I received a very kind comment on the first fanfic I ever wrote. I remember at the time, because it was my first attempt and I didn't know if there would be another, I plunged every single idea I'd had about that period of the show into it. I didn't hold anything back for another time. That's what Series 12 Ep 5 felt like to me.

In the first five minutes we are introduced to six storylines even though Mrs Wallace opening a dry cleaners doesn't have much mileage. Apart from a bit of foreshadowing spotted by @ctmwidower

The most positive storyline is that of the Barkelys. I think is the first time we have seen a positive portrayal of a hospital birth. Yes, Phyllis is on hand to offer support, but the cardiologist and the obstetrician are actually quite human. There was something that got my hackles up, but I don't think this is an error because this kind of situation still arises today. Dr Turner tells Mrs B she mustn't risk another pregnancy because of her heart condition. When she suggests getting her tubes tied, he tells her she is too young. Now if he had added, I'm not ruling out they may find a treatment for your heart condition in the future, that was a different conversation.

Spencer's story. I imagine was to show how difficult it was to obtain psychiatric support. As a GP, he was left without adequate resources trying to do his best. I also get the punchline is waiting times for mental health referrals are much worse today. But, I don't get why an experienced GP handled it so badly. "Are you hearing voices?" "No" "Oh, OK then". Followed by here is a pill from out of my pocket (that did used to happen) you can spit it out when I walk away before I watch you swallow it.

Jill knew he was hearing voices, his mother knew, Nancy knew, Cyril knew, probably even Mrs Wallace knew. All he had to ask was, "Does Spencer sometimes think the TV or radio is on when it isn't?" I really didn't see the point of the stabbing other than sensationalism. It was a pretty drastic measure just so Cyril could be gifted a phone call to Jamaica.

Which brings me to my next point. This was an episode of stories that went nowhere. We'll never know what happens to Spencer, the stabbing wasn't an exit story and Cyril was discharged pretty swiftly. Unless he suffers from PTSD or it brings Lucille back, not sure what the point of that was. We don't know what method of contraception the Barkleys chose that story just fizzled out. Shelagh isn't pregnant. Sir Brigham was introduced just to kill him off and maybe to send Trixie on a cardiac refresher course because it was pretty obvious what was going to happen in 'the little boys room' and she can update her CPR training. I do hope we are not starting to trade medical accuracy for dramatic effect.

There was also an outbreak of characters acting out of character. The positive being MORE angsty, overwhelmed, telling it like it is Shelagh, please! Well over due. That takes us back to Patrick, who isn't having the best of episodes tbh. All I can think is Heidi and Stephen had a bet on how many meaningless cliches Dr Turner could say in one episode. Why there wasn't any physical contact between the two? Well, we've been wondering that for ten years now. I still think the door frame scene was filmed with each actor separately. Otherwise I'm bewildered.

Two of the original characters who have been at Nonnatus well over a decade, maybe two, suddenly forgot how to deal with authority. Fred, who was supposed to protect Poplar from a nuclear attack and against Russian spies, seems to have forgotten that 'loose tongues cost lives'. One slip would have been forgivable, but why is he telling him confidential information about salaries, and how does he even know that information?

Sister Julienne meanwhile turned into Auld Jenny, wittering on about love. I hate to admit I had to agree with Mr Threapwood there. "It is 1968, love is no longer a legitimate currency." Did make me laugh. Meanwhile, Lucille's personality transplant is almost complete in Jamaica.

To end on a positive note and to cut Dr T some slack, Patrick's facial expressions were spot on during the talk. I found the Chuckle Brothers (thank you again @ctmwidower ) bathing shenanigans funny and also quite nice to see an aspect of 1960s social care. But did we really have time for it in such a full episode?

"All thoughts, feelings and understanding are broken into pieces and cannot be made to connect in the usual way." Was a great description by Sister Veronica. I just wondered if she was talking about the episode.

#call the midwife #sorry if this annoys anyone #but there were just too many issues with the episode for my small brain to deal with

[self-loving-vampire]

For the fandom meme: B, C, D, L, N, T, W, and Y.

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

Depends on who counts as "someone". I don't actually have much involvement with fandom shipping but the story itself can present interesting relationships. If the writer doesn't count, however, then I can't think of an example right now.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

I try to keep an open mind in general, but I guess I don't understand Gilgamesh x Saber (Fate/stay night) at all.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

None that I can think of. I think in general I'm more likely to just not pay that much attention to pairings I don't like.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

This is surprisingly difficult because I have a lot of characters I'd consider "faves" and also say so many nice things about even characters outside that category that I don't want to just repeat myself.

The simplest thing might be to just say that I like all Touhou characters I know in at least some way.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

Going to answer this for Tsukihime since it's still consuming my brain months after reading it.

I guess more essays about the characters? I am doing my part since I apparently can't talk about Kohaku without going unhinged.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

Well, as said before I try to keep an open mind, formless and adaptable to whatever shape the best available information takes.

So while I have both joke headcanons (Kohaku is an autistic trans girl) and more serious headcanons (Kohaku has some kind of low empathy condition), I still find other perspectives interesting and worth learning from.

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

Hm... I don't know that I'm ship-brained enough to even have this many favorite ships easily available in my mental searches.

That said, it is canon that Kohaku is into breastplay and I'm reasonably sure that she's the one who suggested drinking blood from there to Akiha.

Kohaku has also shown a significant interest in roleplay as a general thing and I'm pretty sure that also applies in bed.

Shiki also strikes me as being the calm and submissive type in general, based on the dream scenes.

More controversially, there's the incest.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

I have absorbed some fandom osmosis about Worm, and a lot less about The Locked Tomb and Umineko (which is on my list)...

Other than that I follow a couple of people who are really into a specific thing and post about it a lot but it feels too individual to feel like a secondhand fandom, since they're about the only people I follow who talk about the thing.

Thank you!

[werechampions]

so i've been mulling over this for a while but i Think i'm finally ready to put my thoughts into words? i hope? someone can tell me if i'm overthinking this (which is a common habit of mine) BUT I DIGRESS- van's scars. i 10000% understand why they don't on the show, for reasons of facial prosthetics are fucking annoying to work with, and it being television, but in my personal little mental playground i get to make the rules and i want to talk about van's scars not just appearance wise, but how this is an actual disability for her. so i also want to preface this by saying van has a lot of internalized ableism about this that i won't shy away from. it's a journey that needs to be unpacked imo and a part of her story that i want to make sure doesn't slip to the wayside.

OKAY SO in my head, van's scars are not as neat as they are on the show. based on the injury that we see at the end of 1x07 + this being akilah's first time doing Any kind of stitches in literally the Least Ideal of conditions (shoutout to akilah - van literally loves her so much), it doesn't make sense for van's face to be so… smooth, i guess? for lack of a better word? that wolf took a Chunk out of her face, like we were seeing her teeth. akilah is a perfect angel but even she cannot magically conjure more flesh from nothing.

as a result, the left side of her face is much more mangled than what we see on the show. again, production wise i get why so i'm not griping about that at all, i can just get very particular about #realism to an obnoxious degree so i needed this out of my brain before i combusted 😩😩🥴 the show does a good job of making them look as messy as they can, like they're jagged and uneven and very obviously not Professional. but for the sake of my canon version of van (and because i love angst), the left side of her face is a mess. the skin is not smooth in the slightest, the scar tissue is really thick and gnarled in some places. her eye kinda droops a little and she still sometimes has issues with vision in it. it's more than just Ugly Scars like it kinda feels like on the show (again i understand why and this is not a complaint). and the team did their best with what they could in the wilderness, but their best included absolutely no real expertise or supplies. i think sometimes she has a really hard fucking time pronouncing certain sounds and syllables because of the way the scar tissue pulls at her lips and she's compensating for a literal chunk missing from her cheek, and how that makes her self-esteem plummet even more, especially post rescue.

and as i've screamed about over and over across multiple platforms and to multiple people, i will never stop thinking about van's scars as a visceral permanent reminder that she can never escape from. i think about how the team has pretty much gotten used to her scars at this point and in the wilderness, van got used to her face being a non issue. she's never Not self-conscious about it but she also had genuinely internalized that she was going to die out there at some point and she has no reason to hide from these people who have seen and done more monstrous things.

and then out of fucking nowhere, they are rescued and van is shoved back into "the real world", with people who aren't used to seeing her face like this. it's like the worst fucking whiplash. people like to tell themselves that they have good masks because it makes them feel better but van will tell them they're fucking liars. she Sees every single split second of pity and disgust and grotesque interest; like a train wreck they can't look away from. every single day, every waking hour is this perpetual reminder that She Doesn't Fit anymore. but the tragic reality is that even pre-crash van never felt like she Fit anywhere either-- now she just has an outward manifestation of that meanwhile tai wants to pretend that the crash never happened but how can she do that when van is a disgusting permanent reminder of that trauma (to be fully clear: this is what van thinks of herself, not what tai thinks. clock that internalized ableism?) she believes the kindest thing she can do for tai (and to all of the survivors) is to let them go, so they can convince themselves a little bit easier that they have healed and moved on.

but van never has that option to move on. she weathers every staring child, every unsubtle point of someone's fingers, every jump of surprise from someone who doesn't expect to see her face. she keeps her hair down more often than not, and actually forces herself to learn at least a few tips so she can control the strands enough to provide the tiniest bit of cover. it doesn't really help as much as she tells herself it does, but it's something that she can at least control herself. she absorbs all of the awful assumptions that people make about her when they see her. some think she's "slow" because of the way she trips over words sometimes and they get that stupid baby voice and slow their speech down. or they think she must have done something to deserve such a "horrible fate". and van just swallows down that anger, pushing it down down down because what else can she do?

time keeps passing and van remains stuck, trying desperately to convince herself that she's Fine with her second chance. and on a very basic level, she is. it's not what she expected, but who gets everything they expect out of life? why the fuck should she be special?

and don't get me started on the rise of social media and the internet and there just being a permanent record of everything, and how that scares the CRAP out of her. everything is curated based on a very specific image and vibe and she resists as much as she can but ultimately sometimes van caves to this fake plastic world. she puts her face on apps because she's so desperately lonely sometimes and over the years Tries to tell herself that she has stopped caring about people's reactions but that's a lie. it's like a death by a thousand cuts and van is Tired.

i really don't know what my original point was, i just am spiraling a little about this. i want to dig into parts that we don't always get to see on tv for one very valid reason or another. and i have really strong feelings about this topic and disability and the ugly internalized ableist parts of ourselves that we are constantly unlearning because the world is so inherently ableist sometimes that people don't even realize it. i think about possible medical complications that could arise because of scars, or just cry at the fact that there's zero chance van has health insurance in 2021 in the US. i am just going to lay on the ground and think about van palmer for the rest of my days.

#[ ch: van palmer. ] #[ hc. van palmer. ]

[dailyadventureprompts]

So one of my players got sent to a different plane, and is pretty much stuck there, so the rest of the party will have to try and rescue her; I figure they somehow will have to get their hands on a Gate scroll. Any ideas for where they could find such a scroll, and even more importantly, where would they hear about it? Or maybe what favour would they have to do for the city's resident high level wizard? Thanks so much in advance!

Ally: The Index

" My oh my you don't belong here, which is to say that I don't think I have a spot for you in the catalog, not that you are unwelcome, oh has anyone told you that you are welcome yet? I'd do it but I'm not sure I'm authorized, then again I'm not sure I've not been authorized to welcome you, in which case I extend to you a conditional welcoming and/or unwelcoming depending on privileges pending. If you could find yourself a seat, I'm five eights of the way through constructing an itemized list of the moths I've found in the library over the past year. It should only take another two days, then I'll fetch you some tea.

Setup: Seeking help from a powerful arcanist, the party is pointed towards the home of one Minerva Motteheaper, an archmage famed among the locals for never turning away anyone with a problem. When the party reaches her manor however, they find the place in shabby disrepair, exterior overgrown with moss and ivy and interior thick with dust. Following some of the only signs of habitation, they are drawn to a haphazardly sorted magical library, governed over by an eidetic but scatterbrained construct that calls itself "The Index". Left in charge of the house and mentally overburdened by the sheer number of things that need "sorting", the party will either need to seek help further afield or make themselves useful in crossing a few things off the construct's hastily scrawled to-do list.

Adventure Hooks:

Other tasks on the to-do list include "deal with greenhouse infestation" which will see the party dealing with a foul-tempered fey and it's giant insectoid pets, and "Check on Pinky, basement?" which involves rescuing The Index's pintsized mechanical sibling form a pile of barrels that've pinned it down in the cellar for months. The More tasks they clear off the list, the more clearheaded The Index becomes, allowing it to field their questions and even propose solutions given enough research time.

One section of the List is " Dust the Garnet landing, 3rd floor, CAUTION". Investigating finds the players infront of a fancy mahogany door that doesne't seem to make sense with the surrounding architecture, a bowl of eternally fresh fruit, and a small placard that translates itself into their native tongue that says " You have stumbled upon a landing of the infinite Staircase, if you wish to return home, enter the door and retrace your steps. If you seek something more precious than home, return to the stair and begin walking in the direction you set out in. Rest here if you must, walking the stair is dangerous, you will tire but you will not be able to sleep." Evidently Archmage Motteheaper's home intersects with some kind of "world between worlds", which may lead the party out into the greater cosmos later on.

After The Index's mind is cleared and Pinky is Recovered, the two will ask the party a favor: Neither of them know where their creator currently is, an their other siblings are scattered all about. If the party could help reunite them, perhaps together they'd be able to figure out where the Archmage has ended up.

Background: Like many powerful arcanists, archmage Minerva Motteheaper juggled many responsibilities, from advising the town elders on matters of state, to defending the region against arcane anomalies, to solving the problems of those who'd come to knock on the door of her stately manor. Eventually it all became too much for one person to handle, so Minerva built a series of constructs to help her with the day to day tasks so that she could focus on the things important to her. Several years ago however, the duty-burdened archmage said "fuck it" and teleported away, leaving her mechanical servitors to keep things up in her absence.

Future Adventures:

Thumper the Groundskeeper is actually still on the property. Years ago the stocky, stubborn bot worked itself to exhaustion one winter and ended up falling into the frogpond, in which it has rusted in ever since. The party will need a proper arcane crafter to fix the machine, whether that be from among their own number or seeking one out.

Tall and Spindly Medius was built to provide wisdom to the local authorities, and now occupies a seat on the town council, advising whos ever in charge. Unsupervised, the construct has taken its role a bit too far, and now masterminds local politics through a web of puppets, spies, and blackmail. It has no qualms about helping the party to recover its creator, but it may turn out to be an adversary somewhere down the road.

Battle-ready Ringer was made to be Minerva's personal assistant and bodguyard, but with no BODY to actually guard, the construct has become proactive in hunting down threats in the locality in case they ever become a problem to the archmage after her return. The only way the party will be able to find it is by figuring out which of the bounty missions from the local guild it's recently taken and catching up with it in the field.

For the Asker: Getting just one of your party stuck requires some creativity, especially if that player is still about and able to play while their character remains in the cosmic penalty box. My advice is to let them play AS Pinky ( A small sized Warforged Rogue at level with the party) while they climb the astral staircase, moving through a series of planear themed challenges before they get to whatever dimension their original party member was stranded in. THEN have some fun dropping some exposition about what happened to the stranded character and what strange things might've befallen them in their time away.

#seeking aid #seeking knowledge #construct #town #villain #city #village #wizard #portals #ally

[dumbduckfan]

👖Dating (an idiot) Philip Trousers headcanons👖

A/n: Yeah I'm doing this...

Gonna do Pam-I-am next 😳 Btw, the reader is GN

Warning: Suggestive content

-------------------------------------------------

- Oh boy.

- Too confident.

- Narcissistic.

- Narcissistic as hell.

- Don't be surprised with a thousand questions per minute saying "How's my hair?" or "Isn't my suit wrinkled?" And a lot more.

- He literally won't leave the house without making sure everything he wears looks phenomenal.

- He's a complete idiot, so you are a thinking person in this relationship.

- He's still a handsome idiot.

- With this man, there is no way that wherever you go you will not be fashionable.

- "Bye Phil, I'm leaving for a mission!"

"Not dressed like that you aren't (y/n)!"

* Literally 1 hour later *

"Better?"

"Yes Bitch slay!"

- Of course, he realizes that you have a need to wear other, more average clothes, and he will not judge.

- Nah, of course he will judge.

- It seems to me that despite the demanding work of a spy, Philip can find a lot of free time, which means that you don't have to wait for weeks to see him.

- Sometimes he is extremely flirty on missions, which usually leads to the need to take him to some private place (And u know). Even though work obliges, but whatever Philip wants, Philip gets. Even if the mission has to wait.

- Of course, he doesn't care how you cover the marks on your neck later. The only thing that worries him is the condition of his hairstyle or clothes.

- But be careful, sometimes when you flirt back he may not get it and the whole atmosphere goes to hell.

- Okay, hear me out. He doesn't like ANYONE but himself touching his hair. But there are exceptions when he wants you to get your fingers tangled in his lush hairstyle.

- Kisses... they just are. Usually, instead of short ones, he prefers long and passionate ones.

- *ahem* Make out sessions *ahem*

- Not a huggy type. It's just not his thing.

- But he won't hesitate to rest his arm on your hip or shoulder.

- In fact, he often has his hand on your hip.

- Kissing your hands all the time. ALL THE TIME.

- You know, you're his darling. You are his man/woman. He has to show that he is a gentleman.

- His best line: 'You're almost as handsome/ pretty as I am.'

- Okay, okay... he won't make you do anything, but I'm 100% sure that he would be more than willing to invite you to a bath together.

- Wine (or some fancy drinks), atmosphere, that's all he needs.

- Showing you off strangely often. I mean, he'll still talk about his looks, but he's proud to have you anyway.

- You calling him handsome is absolute music to his ears. Especially when you are alone.

- He's used to being called Phil by you. When you use Philip you are either angry or... in the mood.

- A fancy and exclusive restaurant is the best place for him to take you on a date.

- I have a feeling that he has a lot of complexes which he masks with self-compliments.

- You are kind of his mental support. Not that anything is wrong with his health, but even someone like him needs to talk sometimes.

- Maybe not often, but he can be delightfully clumsy.

- He's so ducking iconic so he can't be changed.

- When you talk to him, you must be clear and direct. Try to avoid metaphors.

"It will be a piece of cake"

"What cake?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So... no cake?"

- Due to his character, quarrels between you happen.

- He won't admit that easily if he did something wrong.

- In the end he'll say a short 'I'm sorry', of course violating his pride.

- He doesn't like to see when you're sad.

- I don't think he's particularly good at comforting, but he'll try for sure.

- In the early stages of a relationship, it will

be very awkward. Only with time does he come to it more confidently.

- She usually does it with a soft smile. He sees no reason why he should have a sad expression, for him that could only make it worse.

- He calls you by your name most of the time. He also uses 'Sugar' sometimes.

- Quietly judging people is the best you can do together. Standing to the side and mocking quietly won't hurt either.

- "Oh my, have you seen that dress?"

"At this point, I wish I could unsee it"

- Try to wake this man up I dare u.

- Either he just ignores you or he'll ask for a little moment.

- There's also a chance he'll pull you under the covers next to him, and you'll spend the next hour cuddling up to him.

- Showing off to you. Usually it doesn't lead to anything good.

- You literally have a notebook where you write down how many times you saved each other's ass.

- When there's a moment when he doesn't act selfish, enjoy it.

- Now watch your private spy in action. He loves to receive praise.

#dumbduckfan #x reader #gn reader #dating headcanons #geah #geah spoilers(?) #geah x reader #geah season 2 #geah netflix #green eggs and ham #green eggs and ham season 2 #green eggs and ham x reader #geah philip #philip trousers x reader #philip trousers

[clusterbuck]

how about 4 from the prompts list? "I'm here, aren't I?"

okay fun fact when i sat down to fill this prompt and turned my spotify on shuffle the first song to come up was i'm here by sweet talk radio so like... that's appropriate lmao

thanks for the prompt!!

"i'm here, aren't i?" buck mutters under his breath. "stop looking at me like that! it's rush hour on a friday, i did the best i could with the traffic conditions i had."

"i know, i know," eddie whispers next to him. "i'm not mad at, you, i just—" he cuts himself off and sighs. "i was going to talk to you about something before we went in."

"why am i here, anyway?" buck asks, looking around at all of the parents and teachers milling around the foyer of christopher's school. "i mean, you know i don't mind, but you made it sound really—"

he's interrupted by the sound of a woman's voice, somewhere on eddie's other side. "mr diaz, there you are! and this must be the husband."

buck whirls to look at eddie, because—if eddie has a husband, this is the first he's hearing of it.

please, eddie's expression seems to say, desperate and cornered and a little hopeful. and buck's never been able to deny him anything.

he's always been quick on the uptake, and even if he wasn't, eddie's arm sliding around his waist would probably make the pieces slip into place. so he schools his features into his best approximation of what a husband probably looks like and turns to face the woman next to eddie.

she's bright and bubbly, the platonic ideal of a suburban california soccer mom. she holds out a hand, and buck grins as he shakes it. "that's me," he confirms.

"and are you mr diaz as well?" she asks, and buck breathes an internal sigh of relief when she doesn't add anything along the lines of i don't really know how it works with you people.

"buckley, actually," he tells her. "buck." then he drops his voice and leans in like he's sharing a secret. "makes it easier at work, you know, so our captain knows who he's talking to."

she laughs, and eddie squeezes his hip. "i've heard a lot about you," she says with a smile. then she inclines her head at eddie. "he won't shut up about you, actually."

buck grins. "is that so?" he asks, turning to look at eddie.

eddie rolls his eyes. "i talk about you a normal amount," he says. "don't go getting an ego about this."

the woman introduces herself as somebody's mother. next to him, eddie falls into an easy conversation about math homework and the upcoming science fair, but buck is only half-listening. he's mostly preoccupied by the fact that eddie, apparently, goes around telling people that they're married. which is definitely news to him.

he's also more than a little preoccupied by the warm weight of eddie's arm resting around his waist, and the casual way eddie's hand curls around his hip like it belongs there. before he can think better of it, buck leans further into eddie's embrace, and eddie adjusts his grip mid-sentence like this is something they do every day and not something out of buck's wildest daydreams.

eventually, the woman excuses herself to go and find some teacher or the other.

"husband, huh?" buck asks. "that's funny, i don't remember you proposing. or, you know, asking me out."

as he speaks, eddie detaches himself from buck. when buck turns to look, eddie is already wearing a guilty expression.

eddie sighs. "i was going to tell you," he says. "that's what i wanted to talk to you about before we came in."

"i mean, yeah, knowing ahead of time that i'm supposed to be acting like your husband would have made life a little easier," buck says. "also, uh, why am i supposed to be acting like your husband, again?"

eddie looks away, squirrely in the way buck knows he only gets when he's embarrassed. "there was a teacher a while back," he says. "she kept, uh, hitting on me? so i panicked and said i was married."

"okay, so, why me?" buck asks, and wonders if eddie can hear the unspoken question. why are you pretending to be married to a man? eddie's never given any indication that he's anything other than straight. it's the biggest reason buck has him firmly mentally labelled as never going to happen, buckley, you might as well stop dreaming about it.

it hasn't worked so far, but repetition is key.

"i guess christopher talks about you a lot," eddie says. "she asked if it was you, and it seemed easier to say yes than to invent some kind of fictional spouse that i'd have to remember details about."

"romantic," buck says, and eddie laughs and elbows him.

"shut up."

"so why didn't you just tell me?" buck asks.

"i was going to, if you'd been here when you said you would!"

"hey, it's not my fault the 146 didn't manage their pile-up scene properly and traffic backed up!" buck says. "besides, you could also have told me at any other point in time between now and—how long have you been telling people this?"

"uh... six months, give or take," eddie says. "that's why it was so important you come tonight—i've been making excuses for you at school events, but the other parents have started to question it and i don't want them thinking my imaginary husband is a shitty person."

"clearly you have better taste than that," buck agrees.

eddie sighs again, but it's good-natured. "god, i should have known you'd be insufferable about this."

"and yet you picked me anyway," buck beams. "so why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"i was worried you'd think it's weird," eddie says. "and i really needed you to be here."

"mm, being addressed as your husband out of the blue was definitely less weird," buck says.

"so it didn't go exactly to plan," eddie says. "thanks for just rolling with it, by the way."

"of course," buck says. "i've got your back, remember?"

"somehow, i don't think this is what either of us envisioned back in that hospital parking lot," eddie laughs.

and it's true—buck had envisioned doing a lot of things with eddie, back in those first few days before he'd realised he didn't have a chance, but fake marriage was never one of them.

"so is there anything specific you need me to do?" buck asks, in an effort to distract himself from thoughts of the things he did envision.

"just—sell it, i guess?" eddie says. "i'm pretty sure i've only told people things about you that are true anyway, so there's no elaborate cover story or anything."

"except that we're married," buck says.

"except that we're married," eddie agrees. "for—about a year now, i think i've said?"

"a year, okay," buck repeats. "cool, i'm on it." then he steps closer to eddie again and slips his hand into eddie's back pocket.

"buck," eddie hisses. "what are you doing?"

"selling it," buck replies.

"where? in high school in the year 1987?" eddie asks, but he relaxes into buck's side.

"hey, no judging," buck says. "maybe this is my signature move."

"i mean, you do you," eddie says. buck doesn't argue, because he doesn't want to have to tell eddie that he's mostly doing it because this might be the only opportunity he ever gets to touch eddie's ass.

it's only as they set off to meet with the first of christopher's teachers that buck realises he might have miscalculated. because now his hand is on eddie's ass, and he's suddenly hyperaware of even the smallest twitch of his fingers. how much of it can eddie feel? is eddie going to think he's trying to make a move if he accidentally flexes his fingers a little?

it's not that he doesn't want to make a move. it's just that he doesn't think that eddie would be very receptive to it.

except eddie turns out to be a very affectionate fake husband. if buck's hand isn't in eddie's pocket then eddie is holding it. when they sit side-by-side listening to teachers talk about how smart christopher is, eddie's foot is hooked around buck's ankle. in the hallway between meetings, eddie turns to drop a kiss on buck's cheek, and a shiver radiates through him.

buck doesn't know what to make of it. he's used to a certain amount of physical contact from eddie—shoulders brushing together as they walk next to each other, working together so seamlessly their limbs might as well be extensions of each other on calls—but this feels different. it's not just that the touches are different—there's an ease to eddie's actions that makes buck wonder for the first time in years if maybe his mental label for eddie isn't quite as accurate after all.

he doesn't know how else to explain the fact that eddie keeps touching him. it's more than enough to sell their ruse—bordering on excessive, even, especially for a middle school parent-teacher conference.

and buck isn't exactly innocent himself, either. he wonders if a year into a fictional marriage is too far to claim honeymoon period, because that's the closest he can come to describing the feeling—like now that he has permission to touch eddie, the dam has broken and he can't keep his hands off.

they're still holding hands when they spill out of the school doors and into the dark warmth of the september evening. eddie makes no move to let go, and so neither does buck.

buck's jeep is clear across the other side of the parking lot, but he follows eddie to his truck anyway. they reach the car, and eddie brushes his lips against the corner of buck's mouth, closer than he has all night. buck freezes.

eddie pulls back, horror clear across his face. "i'm sorry," he says. "i didn't—i just—i forgot. that we're not inside anymore."

there's just enough wistfulness in his voice that buck makes a split-second decision. he takes a step forwards and takes eddie's face in his hands, stands still for two heartbeats just in case he's reading everything extremely wrong and eddie wants to protest, and then he's kissing eddie.

eddie kisses the way he does everything else, with a steadiness that keeps buck tethered to reality and a quiet intensity that bubbles just under the surface. it's a combination that's uniquely eddie, one that makes buck feel like he could take on the world and win and like he's coming home.

"i don't want it to be just inside," buck says, just in case eddie didn't get the message. "i don't want it to be fake. i mean, it might be a little soon to get married, but—"

"someday, though," eddie says, and buck laughs.

"someday, yeah."

eddie grins at him. "in the meantime, do you want to come home with me tonight?"

"yeah, i really do."

send me a starter line from this list and i'll write a ficlet for it!

#i am so tired i hope this makes sense lmao #buddie #911fic #ask emma #emma writes #becominglionhearted #lol i was literally just saying the other day that i tend to default to eddie pov and here's my second buck pov in a row #oh well

[utilitycaster]

I have to say these were the most confusing responses I got; I expected the usual "but Grog/Fjord" statements because I've seen them before and because they hinge on poor understandings of the Himbo Condition, but these really did throw me through a loop.

I am completely here for anyone who wants to have a nuanced discussion of Vax's flaws! I really do, because I feel like he at times falls into the "well we mustn't speak ill of dead characters" trap and at others the offputting Liam-and-by-extension-his-characters-can-do-no-wrong-club trap; the whole "if Vax shows up for 2 seconds in the Legend of Vox Machina? I WILL SCREAM AND CRY AND THROW UP" thing makes me want to scream; and while I agree with the statement that Vax should not be reduced to Sad Boy there was this weird microtrend of being like "actually THIS member of Vox Machina was Sad One" and it's like this is not a zero sum game, what if everyone is a complex multidimensional being and the concept of The Sad One is fundamentally stupid anyway. Which is to say: Vax is solidly middle of the pack in terms of Vox Machina characters I like and the idolization of Vax/frequent reduction of Keyleth and Vex (both characters I found much more compelling) to mere appendages thereof in many fandom spaces pisses me off to no end. However: he is pretty unambiguously kind.

Vax tends to put his whole heart into everything, which is not always the best strategy, and as a result overdoes things, but his goal is almost always to help people. His thievery was primarily for his and Vex's survival and even his involvement in the Clasp was for Vex's protection. Did he go kind of hard on Kynan initially? yeah but his first instinct was "I cannot let this sweet summer child throw himself into danger and die" and his second instinct was "I need to make this up and I'm going to give him some daggers and money and talk to him" and his third instinct was "this guy was an accessory to murder of my good friend but he got caught up in something way out of his league and I am going to take care of him during his mental breakdown." Vax was patient and honest at all times with both Keyleth and Gilmore, when that could have easily gotten messy; his pranks were on the whole good-natured and minimal; I think he didn't always understand Vex very well (nor to be fair, she him) but he always tried to be there for her, as well as for Keyleth.

Vax pulled off something immensely difficult, which is that he frequently threw himself into danger and even offered his life up in exchange for his sister's, without it ever seeming as though he did not value his life; he just felt it was, well, in its own way, the nicest thing he could do. It's notable that in the moment where he stands before the goddess he never meant to swear an oath to - he wanted to pledge himself to the Everlight, the closest to a deity of kindness the pantheon has - and she tells him that he can either pass on now, or delay it for a few weeks, never to return - one of his first responses is to offer her sympathy. He shows his dedication to the Raven Queen through giving people burial rites - which at least in my religious background was always said to be one of the most selfless deeds - even thought really, that's not even what the Raven Queen is about, necessarily. He is generous to a fault, and it's absolutely honest.

Now, sure, the guy did have some extended moments of sulking (justifiably so but like, definitely still present; the Sad Boy title is not deserved but he did spend some time in that headspace) but even during that period he was generally a fairly kind person.

I should note that my two favorite characters by campaign, and a lot of others I'd rank very highly are not characters I'd consider kind (Vex and Fjord are my favorites by campaign and both are charismatic, pragmatic, and while I think they are both very good people with many moments of kindness, they are not, on the whole, defined by kindness). I tend to love the Good is not Nice trope/characters and find that more compelling. But Vax is pretty consistently both good and kind, as a person; that's just a throughline of the character and I'm not sure how one can see it otherwise.

#critical role #definitely do hit me up for nuanced discussions of vax bc I feel we need more of them #vax'ildan

[thedaredevilsgirl]

Chapter One - My Sweet Angel

Warning: Explicit Smut -Dirty Talk and Oral (fem! Receiving)

Word count: 1544

Please forgive any mistakes, English is not my first language.

Nothing else had happened after the kiss, you just said goodnight and went to your room, he was thinking that maybe you had regretted that idea.

But the next morning, as soon as he wakes up he finds a note on your bedside table with your handwriting on it.          

Rules of our little agreement:       

1- Thomas will teach anything Y/N asks.

2- Both sides of the agreement must be comfortable with what is going to be done.          

3- Let me know if you want to stop.  

4- I will let you know if I want to stop.          

5- Neither Harrison nor anyone else should know about this agreement, it will be our secret.        

Sign here at the bottom if you agree to my terms and let me know if you want to include any conditions.

He laughed, of course you would make a list of rules, it was exactly your kind of thing. After he finishes getting ready he takes a pen from the table and signs his name on the paper just below where his signature was and slips the small paper under his door before leaving for class.

You barely got any sleep last night, all you could think about was everything that had happened and when you did get some sleep you dreamed about Tom and woke up gasping for breath.

Your dream was incredibly real, you felt every touch, and the way Tom ate you in the dream made you needy for it.

Tom received a message from you during one of his classes.

Y/N: Meet me later in my room.

He answered a simple okay, trying to pretend he was calm when inside he was freaking out. Tom spent the rest of the day thinking about his message, barely able to pay attention in class.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

Tom was thankful that it was Friday, all the boys were getting ready for some party at another fraternity leaving the house just for the two of them, as if fate was cooperating with their plan.    

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Harrison asks Tom again.

"No man, today's classes were pretty tiring, I'd rather stay home anyway" Tom says.

"You're going to miss the best party of the year" Tuwaine says as soon as he enters the room.

"All these parties are the best of the year" He laughs, rolling his eyes.

"Y/N not coming with us?" Tuwaine asks Harrison who denies with his head.

"No, she said she had a new series on Netflix she wanted to watch" he says to his friend before turning his face to Tom and speaking "Take care of her ok?"

"I'll take very good care of her" he smiles.

If Harrison knew what would happen when he left the fraternity he would never let Tom near you again and would probably punch him in the face.

The two of you leave the house, and a few minutes later the other boys are leaving too, soon the house is empty except for you and Tom.

Tom walked slowly up the stairs, he was a little nervous to tell you the truth, he had slept with many different girls, given them orgasms that made his legs shake. But you were different, he wanted to give you the best experiences possible, give you all the wonderful sensations, and he would definitely need more than just one night for that.

"May I come in?" he asks knocking on the door.

You take a deep breath before answering "Yes."

He enters the room, he has been here countless times before, but he never thought he would be in here in this situation.

"I saw you signed the paper" is the first thing you say when you look at him.

"Yes" A silence fills the room for a few minutes.

"Sorry I'm a little anxious".

"You can quit if you want" he sits down on his bed in front of you.

"NO" You say a little too loudly.

He laughs at your reaction and holds your hand pulling you to sit on his lap with each leg on one side of your body, you take another deep breath and look at him.

Tom looks at your gaping mouth and licks his lips, holding himself back from giving in to the urge to kiss you right now, their hands grip tightly on your hips, probably impossible but you could feel yourself getting wet just from that touch and the way he was looking at you.

His lips come close to yours but pull away before you can kiss him and they move on towards your neck.

"I have a condition too" He says softly and goes back to spreading kisses across your pulse point.

"What?" His question comes out almost as a sigh.

"We are not having sex today".

"Why?" you ask disappointed, Tom had no idea how needy you were for him.

"Sorry honey, I don't think you're ready for this, but if you let me I want to do something else with you today" he looks at you as if asking permission.

"What's your idea?"

"I want to taste you".

You...you want to?"

"Actually I'm the one who's been daydreaming about it myself since last night angel."

Tom had already given her several cute nicknames, but angel was new, he had never called any girl that, at least not in front of him.

"Are you okay?" he asks with a smile.

When you nod, he quickly kisses you. He had really been wanting to taste you since you left his room, daydreaming about what you would taste like.

One of his hands goes up your thigh, lightly lifting your skirt until it reaches the fabric of your already wet panties, his thumb makes a circular motion over your covered clit making you moan between kisses.

"I barely touched you and you're already wet" he says with a smug smile on his face.

"Actually all I could think about was you all day.... Tom" you moan his name as he pulls your panties aside to properly touch your clit and feel its wetness.

"Did I make you wet all day, angel?" he already knew the answer, but wanted to hear it coming from your lips.

"Yes." He picks her up in his lap and lays her down on the bed getting on top of your body and kissing you again, his kisses trailing a trail again to your neck.

"May I?" He asks holding the hem of your shirt and you affirm, he quickly pulls it off your body and bites his lips as he sees your breasts in the pink bra.

"I think I'll let you, you look amazingly hot in it" you blush at his comment.

He kisses the top of your breasts and runs his thumb over one of the nipples making you sigh, he runs his tongue slowly over it and even though the fabric prevents full contact the sensation is still wonderful.

The kisses move down to your belly and soon he is pulling your shorts off your body and your panties are the only thing keeping him from touching you where you want them.

"Tom, please," you beg as he kisses the inside of your thigh.

"Please what angel?" he gives you a mischievous smile.

"I need you."

"You do?"

"Yes, please."

He finally removes her panties from her body and stands between her legs placing one of them over her shoulder for easy access.

"Fuck" he says as he runs two fingers over your entrance "you are fucking wet" his fingers reach your clit and you push your hips towards his touch "so needy".

First he just licks a long strip from your vagina to your clit and you take a deep breath at the yummy sensation.

"Better than I ever dreamed of" he says before sucking you again.

One of your hands holds his hair tightly, while the other you place over your mouth to avoid moaning. Tom quickly removes it from your mouth.

"I don't want you to be silent, I want to hear how good I am making you feel."

He mentally thanked himself for doing this, her moans and sighs were the most beautiful melody he had ever heard.

Tom wanted to make it as pleasurable as possible for you, he took his time to form your orgasm slowly tasting you until he brought you to the edge.

"Holy shit, Tom" he knew you were already close and he goes even deeper.

He clamps his lips around your clit and sucks it making you even more needy, he moans against your pussy and you whimper loudly.

"Tom...Tom it feels so good"

His gaze settles on yours as he still sucks you, you cry out his name and feel as if you might explode at that moment.

He sucks your clit one last time and you finally cum on his lips throwing your head back in ecstasy with your mouth open in an inaudible moan. This was surely the dirtiest scene Tom had ever seen.

Your body falls to the bed, your breath panting, your chest heaving. Tom could never get tired of seeing you like this, he stands over your body again and kisses you slowly, you taste him in your mouth and sigh between kisses.

"Thank you" you say and he just smiles in response.

He lies down on your side and pulls you to lie on his chest.

"I can help you" he says looking at your very apparent erection and running his hand down to your sweatpants.

"Don't worry about me angel, this is about you" he moves your hand away from there and hugs you tighter "now try to get some sleep ok" he kisses the top of your head.

You fall asleep a short time later hugging your body. He leaves your room before Harrison arrives and finds you there, but before he leaves he leaves a small note on your bedside table.

I hope you enjoyed today, I loved it, I think I will dream of your flavor for the rest of my days. Because darling, you are my sweet angel - Tom.

TAGLIST

@a-daydreamers-day

@cherryobx

@bevanbexley5252

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x you #tom holland imagine #peter parker x y/n #tom holland one shot

[floating-mid-air]

The Princess of all Saiyans

 -

 Masterlist

-

Hey Everyone! It's been a while. My life's been kind of hectic the past couple of months. Long story short: I Graduated from Highschool this year, so I was busy with everything having to do with that. Then my summer job sadly prevented me from writing as well. And then I started College, which was a big change for me. For now, there are no more chapters in my life opening or closing. Now I'm finally in a place where I feel comfortable continuing this book again. I could've honestly been writing during all of this chaos. But I wouldn't have been pleased with the quality of my writing. I'm really excited to get back into the swing of things. I don't think this chapter panned out the way I originally planned, but I'm still happy with it. As always, I hope you enjoy it. And if you have any comments or concerns, feel free to let me know. My inbox is always open!

-

Chapter 11

-

You've been walking for quite some time now, and the experience has been excruciating. You haven't been in this much pain since you and Raditz were on planet Telia, ten-something years ago. Those damn underlings were able to get a good sneak attack on you. Though you can't say, you let them get away scot-free. You made sure to make their entire dreadful race pay for that injury. You and Raditz had covered up that incident, much like you're doing with your current injury.

"So---" You can hear Goku talking to Krillin from just slightly left of you. "Did you guys find the senzu beans?" Wow, Kakarot may be the least subtle creature you've ever encountered.

"Ya." Krillin chuckles. "All four of us were in pretty rough shape." Goku glances at you with a worried look on his face. You glare at him as Raditz eyes the two of you skeptically. He knows something's off between the two of you. Maybe something serious did happen while you and his brother were trapped together. 

A bit more time has passed, and you've been trying your best to keep up with the others. But it isn't as easy as you thought. You're now trailing behind the rest of them, with Raditz turning back to look at you every so often. The largest Saiyan slows down to catch up with your slower pace, now walking beside you.

He turns to you, whispering in a low tone. "Something's off." Raditz can no longer stay silent about his concerns. First, it was the strange vibes between you and Kakarot. And now it's your out-of-character demeanor making him uneasy.

"About what?"

"You. Typically you walk beside your brother, and when he doesn't let you, you make sure you're always only a few paces behind. But right now, you couldn't be more content to trail everyone. Plus, you're far too confident to not be in the very front." Raditz has been around far too long for your liking. Damn him. He knows you far too well, and you hate him for it.

You roll your eyes at him. "So this conclusion of yours is based on the way I'm walking? I'm tired. When I fought, Burter, that physically drained me. And then I got trapped in a ditch with your moronic brother, that mentally drained me. I'm exhausted, Raditz." 

"It's not just the way you're walking. It's your mannerisms as well." He points at your side. "Your hand hasn't moved from your side from the moment I first saw you."

"God, Raditz." You scoff. "Stop overanalyzing everything."

"Getting defensive now? That's your M.O whenever you're hiding something." He looks back and forth between your face and your hand that has remained glued to your side. The gears in the older Saiyan's head slowly but surely turning. " Y/N, are you hurt?" 

"No." You snap your eyes shut, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to suppress a wince of pain. "I'm fine."

He tilts his head at you. "Y/N, I know you claim otherwise, but I'm not stupid. I know you're in pain."

You chuckle softly in a self-pitying way. "Am I that easy to read?"

Raditz shakes his head, smiling to himself. "No, I've just known you for a long time now." He returns to his serious demeanor, his gaze returning to the area of your wound. "How bad is it?"

"I barely feel it at all. Though, climbing out of that ditch must have reopened the cut."

Raditz snickers. "You're a bad liar."

"That's strange. I've been told in the past that I'm quite good at lying."

A smirk spreads across Raditz's lips. "Well, you apparently aren't when I'm involved."

The larger Saiyan glances at the back of your brother's head. You respond with a glare, firmly pulling on a large chunk of his hair. You know what Raditz wants to do, and it's not happening. "Don't even think about it."

"I-I think we should tell him Y/N."

"No." You let go of his hair, tapping his chest with extreme force. "You're going to keep your big mouth shut. Vegeta will freak out. You know how irrational he gets."

Raditz decides to let you have your way--- for now. The man can't help but wonder why you're so stubborn, but then again, his nature isn't much different from yours.

With every minute that passes, your condition only seems to worsen. Your eyes even start to droop. "Y/N?" Raditz turns to you, his features beginning to fill with worry. He places one of his large hands on your forehead. You're burning up. "You have a fever. Your wound must be infected."

"No." You shake your head in disagreement, almost like a child. As your mental state becomes more and more delirious. 

"Vegeta!" Raditz shouts, gaining your brother's attention.

"Fuck you, Raditz! You're such a blabbermouth!" You shout at the larger Saiyan in front of you.

"What's wrong this time? Is my sister trying to pull you into another one of her elaborate schemes?"

"Y/N's hurt--- bad." Vegeta's eyes widen, and not even a millisecond later, he rushes to your side. "She has a fever. I think her cut is infected."

"Where is it?" He crosses his arms at you, noticing your hand placed firmly on your side. He moves your hand out of the way with ease, lifting your armor. "How did this happen?"

"Burter nicked me during our fight. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? It's infected, you stupid woman!" He turns his attention to Kakarot. "Did you know about this?"

You snicker. "Oh ya, Vegeta. I get hurt, and the first person I run to tell is Kakarot." Vegeta's fists clench at your sarcastic remark, turning his fit of rage back at you.

"You know, in certain situations, you're more prone to infections. And a planet like Namek checks all of the boxes! You know you need to be more careful. Damn our mother and her faulty genetics!" Sadly that's a trait you had inherited from your mother. On most planets, you'd be fine, and injuring yourself would be no big deal. But Namek has specific conditions that result in you being more vulnerable. 

"Raditz, pick her up." Raditz picks you up, giving you a piggyback ride. You wrap your arms around his neck, giving yourself better balance. Vegeta glances up at you. He looks even madder than usual. "With the condition, you're in, you will not be fighting. You will stay away from Jeice, and you won't even enter the same proximity as Ginyu. Do you understand me?"

"But--"

"No!" His voice booms, gaining the attention of every creature for miles. "I'm not kidding around. Do you understand me?"

You bite your lip, tilting your head downwards, avoiding your brother's gaze like the plague. "Yes, Vegeta." Vegeta returns to the front of the group, his mood sourer than ever.

As Raditz begins to walk, he starts talking to you again. "Are you mad at me?" You don't verbally respond. Instead, you claw into his shoulders, your nails digging into his flesh. "Fuck. I'll take that as a yes."

"You're a tattletale."

Raditz chuckles. "No wonder why Vegeta babies you. You'll thank me for this later, you stubborn woman. And I've kept your secrets before, handfuls of them, actually. Like what happened on planet Telia----" Raditz realized the grave mistake he had just made, mentioning that incident in the presence of the very being you worked so hard to hide it from.

You slap the older Saiyan upside the head as Vegeta turns backward, a scowl plastered on his face. "What happened on plant Telia?" It was a rhetorical question, mocking both you and Raditz. "Oh, the three of us will be discussing this in length later. Because it sounds to me like you both lied to me on that initial report." You and Raditz gulp, you've heard that tone from your brother millions of times now, and it has never once become any less terrifying. 

"Oh, lighten up, Geta." You groan. "That was like, what? Around thirteen years ago?"

"The amount of time that has passed matters very little to me. As I said before, this is a discussion for later."

A few more hours have passed, which honestly feels like days at this point. And considering Namek's strange day cycle, it very well could've been. "How much farther?" Your question was clearly directed at Vegeta. And at this point, you're not even sure he has any idea where you're headed either.

"I don't know why you're the one complaining." Raditz huffs.  "You're not the one doing all of the walking! And if you ask him that one more time, I'm going to drop you." Ok so maybe, that wasn't the first time you've asked that question today. Or the second, or third, you're very bored. 

"Man Raditz." You roll your eyes, which are barely open at this point. "You sure complain--- a lot."

"You were just complaining." The long-haired Saiyan grumbles. 

"No, I simply asked Vegeta a question. There's a difference Raditz. I know it's hard for your feeble mind to understand." When you're sick, you tend to act, oh what's the word? Bitcher than normal. And that's saying a lot.

Raditz clenches his jaw. "Vegeta. I need a break from your sister."

"That's how I felt ninety percent of the time I was stuck in a room with you, Nappa, and Cado. And you didn't see me running to wine to Frieza about it."

Before Raditz can retort, your brother interjects. "That's enough! From both of you!"

Krillin, Gohan, and Goku have identical bewildered expressions on their faces. Krillin turns to Vegeta, lowering his voice to a whisper. He doesn't want to be the next victim of your wrath. "Do they always fight like this?" The human finds this perplexing. Back on Earth, the pair seemed inseparable. They appeared to be the Saiyan equivalent of what on Earth would be considered best friends.

Vegeta lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, but typically it's more playful in nature. When my sister is sick, she becomes even brattier than usual."

Vegeta's warning to both of you seems to have fallen on dead ears. Because your quarrel has not ceased, in fact, it has only elevated. "I will drop you, you royal brat!"

"I dare you to you second-class runt. I could still kick your ass even in my delirious state. I wouldn't even have to try very hard."

"I'm considering----"

Before Raditz can even get three words out, your bickering is once again interrupted, and not by the person you may think. "Enough!" Gohan shouts. You honestly forgot the others were here for a moment."If you two keep fighting like this, you're going to get all of us killed!" You and Raditz stare at the boy in shock. It's been a long time since the two of you have been yelled at by a child. The last time being when you were children yourselves. Vegeta hasn't changed much since childhood. He's been bossing you around and shouting at you since you were children, but I'm sure that's not very surprising. 

"Ya, and I can take Y/N---- if you need a break." Goku rubs the back of his neck, chuckling sheepishly. "Not that I want to hold Y/N or anything."

"No." You rapidly shake your head. "Raditz, I'm sorry. I'll be good now--- I promise."

A wicked grin spreads across Raditz's lips right before he grabs your hands with his larger ones. He loosens your grip around his neck, moving your body with ease, scooping you up into his arms. Every step Raditz takes toward Goku seems even more antagonizing slower than the last. Until he's standing directly in front of his younger brother. He elevates his arms slightly, dropping you right in front of an unsuspecting Goku.

Lucky for you, Goku has sharp reflexes. That allows the Saiyan to catch you easily. Raditz look's his brother dead in the eyes, his typical arrogant grin still on his lips. "She's your problem now, Kakarot." Raditz gazes downward to look at you. "Stop pouting. Maybe next time, you'll be nicer to good old Raditz."

A low growl echoes in the back of your throat as you glare daggers at the Saiyan standing before you. "Ya, or maybe next time, I'll rip out your tail and strangle you with it!" The only thing that's stopping you from lunging at Raditz is Goku's firm grip holding you in place.

Rather than arguing that the entire group has become accustomed to, the whole area has become dead silent. You're no longer pouting. Instead, you are glaring at the man who continues to carry you bridal style. You've never liked being held like this. It makes you feel weak like you have no control over your own body.

What makes you even more irritated, Is how Goku reacts to your death stare. He just grins at you. Does he just never get angry? What kind of Saiyan is he? It fills you with so much anger that someone as dopey as Kakarot has Saiyan blood flowing through his veins. 

You clench your fists. You just wanna punch Kakarot so badly. He just has such a punchable face. If you could take away his cheery personality, he'd actually be quite attractive. Wait--- what the hell are you thinking? Kakarot is stupid and way too friendly for you to ever think of him in that way.

 You move your fist up, finally giving in to your urges, attempting to punch the man holding you. Probably not your wisest moment, but your brain isn't functioning normally right now. Goku catches your hand with ease. His reflexes are unreal, or maybe this fever has you more sluggish than you believed. You'd prefer to think that it's the second option. He chuckles to himself. He's still not upset. What the hell is wrong with him? "Come on, Y/N. You gotta be quicker than that." He's challenging you. How Saiyan like of him. You seem to always be able to find specks of Saiyan nature in the cheerful man. And those are the aspects you actually like about him. 

Your eyes begin to once again feel heavy as your eyes droop shut, just before you fall asleep in the arms of your enemy. 

Twenty-Something Years Ago:

You're sitting on your bed, sitting crisscrossed, a book laying open on your lap. Since your father is currently off-planet, you can read all you want. You're enamored with your newest book. It's all about a topic referred to as diplomacy. It's fascinating and has many concepts that are entirely foreign to you, yet at the same time, some of these ideas are also familiar. 

As you read, your door slams open, but you pay the interruption almost no attention, not even bothering to look up from your book. Honestly, the unwelcome intrusion has you more angered than anything else. "God, Vegeta." You roll your eyes. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Something's not right. When Vegeta usually bursts into your room, he's automatically shouting at you.

Out of pure curiosity, you look up from your book. However, standing at your door, you don't find Vegeta. A boy with a very similar appearance but with a much smaller stature stands in your door frame. He's out of breath, desperately huffing for air. "Tarble?" You furrow your brows at your brother, launching off your bed to get closer to him. "What's wrong?" You have this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your twin has never behaved in such a manner before. 

"Captain--- Captain Ginyu is here." Tarble is shaking, his eyes watering slightly.

You scowl ever so slightly. "But Ginyu's not scheduled to be on planet Vegeta any time soon." 

"It's--- It's a surprise visit. What do we do, Y/N?"

You contemplate for a moment before your features fill with alarm. "Tarble? Where's Vegeta?"

His lip quivers as he looks down at the floor. "He's with Captain Ginyu."

"Damn it." You mutter under your breath. Diplomacy is a skill you need right now. And Vegeta doesn't have a single quality that a diplomat possesses. Your elder brother is more likely to unnecessarily provoke the Captain, putting your entire race in hot water with the Frieza Force. 

You rush over to your bedside table, rummaging through the drawer. Once you have your scouter in your hand, you run back over to your brother. "Stay in here, and use this to channel our father. Let him know what's going on." You push past your twin, about to leave, before Tarble's voice calls out to you.

"Wait, Y/N!" You turn back to look at him. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go stop our older brother from doing something stupid. Everything will be fine, I promise. Just calm down and do as I said." And with that, you take off, praying that Vegeta hasn't already done something rash.

As you sprint down the halls of the palace, you run face-first into the torso of a large body. "Princess?"

You look up at the bald Saiyan, the one who's supposed to be at your brother's side at all times. Since the future king of planet Vegeta needs to be protected. "Nappa, Where is my brother?"

The imbecile scratches the back of his neck, contemplating much longer for your liking. "I'm not sure. I haven't seen the runt in quite some time. You should probably ask Vegeta." 

You scowl at the Saiyan. "Not Tarble, you fool! I'm asking you where Vegeta is!"

"Oh, Why didn't you just say so?" It's taking every ounce of restraint you have in your body to not viciously attack Nappa. "He's just outside of the palace." 

You run through Nappa, intentionally knocking the large Saiayn onto the floor. His stupidity lost you precious time. It was quite an amusing sight, though. A mere child, being able to take down one of your father's best warriors. 

You arrive outside of the palace, your eyes landing on your target. This is the first time you've ever seen Captain Ginyu. Sure, you've heard stories of the purple man. And much like your people, Ginyu is just as bloodthirsty and just as ruthless. Much to your surprise, the Captain doesn't have an army behind him. This was just before the Ginyu Force had formed. All Ginyu was at this point in time was a captain of one of Frieza's many armies. 

You walk over to them, now standing at your brother's side. "Captain Ginyu." You speak with your hands, an exaggerated smile appearing on your lips. "To what do we owe the honor?"

The man looks down at you, clearly analyzing you with his scouter. "Well, if this isn't a surprise. I think this is the first time I've had the pleasure of meeting you, Y/N." Ginyu extends his large hand out to you, causing Vegeta to feel a great deal of alarm. Your brother's body has gone tense with an apprehensive look on his face. But when your older brother looks over to you, there isn't even a glint of fear in your eyes. You're calm, almost as if one of Lord Frieza's deadliest warriors was not standing before you. You accept the Captain's hand, presenting him with a short but polite handshake. "Your father doesn't like showing you off much, does he?" 

You chuckle softly. "My father likes to hold his cards close to his chest. I'm sure a man like yourself is quite similar." Sucking up to Ginyu is not your favorite pastime, but it needs to be done. And every Saiyan on this planet knows your big brother is far too prideful to do it himself.

Ginyu looks between you and Vegeta carefully. For someone so highly regarded by Frieza, he sure isn't subtle. He's trying to read your facial expressions. Unfortunately for him, your father has raised you both much better than that. A poker face to you feels more natural than a genuine expression. "Speaking of your father, where is he right now?"

"He's of---"

You quickly cut Vegeta off. "He's in a meeting. That's why our father sent me out. He wanted you to know he sends his regards, but his hands are tied at the moment. He will be here at soon as possible. I hope my brother and I can suffice your needs in the meantime."

Captain Ginyu eyes you skeptically, tilting his head at you ever so slightly. "That sounds serious. I hope it's nothing too pressing."

"Of course not. It's nothing my father can't handle."

You're about to continue your schmoozing, but you're stopped by Vegeta aggressively yanking on your arm. "We need to talk-- in private."

You grimace at your brother's words. He just always has to make everything that much more difficult for you. You turn back to Ginyu, offering the man a cheerful smile. "Will you excuse us for a moment? We'll be right back."

Vegeta drags you around a corner, concealing you both from Ginyu's prying eyes. "What do you think you're doing?" He huffs at you in a whisper. "I had everything under control."

You snicker, crossing your arms. "You were just about to tell Ginyu that our father was off-planet. It sounds to me like I got here just in time to prevent you from making a grave mistake."

"I don't see why that matters."

"And that's the issue, Vegeta. Now we don't have time for this. Let's go." You turn back around, walking back over to Ginyu, Vegeta trailing not far behind. "I'd like to apologize for my brother's rudeness, Captain Ginyu." You shake your head but with a slight smirk across your lips. "All Saiyan men are the same, and my brother is no exception. They're incredibly thickheaded and quite savage. I'm convinced they don't even realize what brutes they are." You watch your brother ball his hands up into fists from beside you. It fills you with an immense feeling of joy knowing you're getting under Vegeta's skin for once. You turn back to Ginyu, plastering that disingenuous grin on your face. "Now, how about we give you a tour of our wonderful planet?"  

You and Vegeta have shown Ginyu around almost the entirety of your planet, and you must admit you're beginning to grow worried. Luckily you've managed to hold off any more questions about your father's whereabouts by charming him with various facts about planet Vegeta. But to be honest, you're not sure how much longer you can hold up this charade for. You've exhausted pretty much every idea that you've been able to come up with.

"Captain Ginyu!" Your father's brash voice invades your ears as you turn around to finally see the man you've been anxiously waiting for. You've never seen your father walk in such an urgent manner, and it's pretty funny watching your twin struggling to keep up with your father's pace. 

Your father places himself between you and Vegeta, ruffling your hair affectionately. You look up at him. "How'd your meeting go?"

Your father meets your gaze, catching onto your deception almost immediately. "It went very well. Thank you both for keeping Captain Ginyu company in my absence, but I think I can handle it from here." He directs his attention back onto Captain Ginyu. "Now, how about we discuss you're abrupt arrival somewhere more private."

The two men exit your field of view, leaving the three of you alone. Tarble, in his typical fashion, glues himself to your side. "What the hell was that?" Vegeta spits out with venom. "Where was your pride? You were basically groveling at his feet."

You furrow your brows at him. "I was doing what needed to be done. And if you think our father isn't currently doing the same thing, you're a bigger fool than I thought."

"I know our father is being more agreeable with him, but not at the cost of his pride."

"It's always about pride with you." You step closer to Vegeta, closing the distance between you. "Your pride today would have cost the loss of countless lives today, Vegeta."

"Then so be it. If there are Saiayn's that inadequate on our planet, we should probably just exterminate them now. It'll save us the hassle later on."

You snicker, shaking your head at Vegeta. "Some King you'll be." You turn to your twin. "Let's go, Tarble. I have no desire to be near our foolish brother right now."

The conversation between Captain Ginyu and your father was brief. It was a very anticlimactic ending to the naked eye. The briefness of this encounter only set off more alarm bells in King Vegeta's head. It was clear to the man that Ginyu's excuse for being on his planet was bullshit. He's just not quite sure what the captain's intentions were, but he sure as hell is going to find out.

As soon as Ginyu left planet Vegeta, he promptly set course for his next destination. He's headed straight to Lord Frieza to report his findings, and he's eager to do so.

 Ginyu arrives on the planet in record time, heading straight for the throne room. Ginyu kneels before Frieza, waiting for his boss to speak. "Captain Ginyu. You're sure back early. I trust you were able to gather enough information on the young prince."

Captain Ginyu nods enthusiastically. "Of course, Lord Frieza. The Price was exactly the same as the previous data we collected on him. He's powerful and quite intelligent for a Saiyan. Though, he did inherit that nasty temper from his father."

Frieza sighs. "How disappointing."

"But I did discover something that you may find interesting, Lord Frieza."

Frieza tilts his head at the man. He can't help but feel intrigued. "Go on." It's not that easy for him to find an advantage over those monkeys, so he'll take any information Ginyu can give him, no matter how minuscule. 

"Y/N--- King Vegeta's daughter piqued my interest greatly. She's not even close to as strong as her brother, but she's remarkably clever. She's very good with words, she knows how to manipulate people. I'd say she might even be better than King Vegeta himself."

"Now, that is fascinating. Good work, Ginyu. I'll look into the Princess's abilities more in-depth later. You're excused."

-

This is just something I felt the need to clarify: So in this chapter's flashback, Vegeta is around three, and Y/N and Tarble are about two. In my head, I picture children on planet Vegeta behaving like miniature adults. My idea is once they leave their chambers (the tanks they are raised in to get their basic Saiyan instincts under control), their minds are fully grown, but their physical growth is quite delayed. That's why they curse and stuff. I have a minuscule window of time to squash in all of my plot ideas. So this was the best way to do so.

#goku #goku x reader #saiyan reader #vegeta #vegeta's sister #DBZ Fanfiction #dbz x reader #dragon ball x reader #dragon ball z #the princess of all saiyans

[springalwayscomes]

Still Alive

I would need a million words

If I tried to define

All the things you mean to me, yeah

For you I'd die a thousand lives

Special kind of energy

'Cause love is born when hearts collide

Every time you touch me

You remind me that I'm still alive

-17, Pink Sweats

Plot: Jungkook is the reason. For what, you don’t really have to explain. And the fact that he’s been feeling low lately, you say, only makes you want to stay by his side more. Truth is he’s feeling worse than he’s ever felt.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Wordcount: 2.4k

Content Warning: Mentions and descriptions of panic and anxiety attacks, Jungkook is lost and depressed (if we have to minimize). Please do not read if you are triggered by this type of content.

Author’s Note: Honestly, I’m not even sure if I really want to post this. This one is different from what I’ve been writing until now and I feel so exposed. I’ve been through this, so it’s pretty difficult for me to talk about something like this without feeling exposed and fragile again, I’m not even sure about the reason why I wrote this, but now it’s done. I hope I will keep this on the blog, even though I’m not sure. It was inspired by the song 17 by Pink Sweats, and at the beginning I wanted to write a soft smut but it turned out to be like this and so much deeper than I‘ve ever imagined. To write it I really had to minimize the feelings I used to feel at that time, because I couldn’t express them in the right way and honestly (really honestly), thinking about that period of my life still scares me a lot. Anyway, I am feeling better now, and even though this work contains a lot of sadness and it’s really harsh and raw to read, I want to tell to whoever is going through this, or whatever problem you’re facing along your way that you’ll feel good again. Spring will come again, as our boys say. You’ll feel light again, and you will be three times wiser than you were before. I wish a happy new year to everyone and I hope that you will appreciate this! 2021 will be better than 2020, so let’s all cheer up.💜

«It just sucks»

These are the first words that welcome you home. Jungkook’s voice coming from the bedroom and your mind immediately wandering to understand what’s happening, if he’s fine. He’s been feeling low lately, anxious and stressed with work. It sucks to see him like this, if you were to use his words. It sucks.

Jungkook is the reason. For what, you don’t really have to explain. He is the reason. Jungkook is everything, everything.

The images of last night coming to your mind make you eyes water and you quickly take your shoes and coat off before you jog to the room where he is.

Layed on the bed, arms crossed on his chest and hair disheveled Jungkook stares the ceiling on top of him, Taehyung and Jimin at his sides. You swear you see his cheek glint under the light, the path of a tear making its way on his skin. Your chest heavies, breath stuck in your throat as Taehyung and Jimin notice your presence and greet you with smiles that say anything but happiness.

«Baby» you call out. Jungkook blinks, neck slowly turning to meet his eyes with yours. The way yours are watering more and more every second and the way Jungkook bites on his lower lip tell Taehyung and Jimin that they should probably leave you alone. The two sigh, hugging the littlest man tightly and whispering things you can’t discern from here, but Jungkook’s expression doesn’t change. And it breaks you apart, in a million, billiards of pieces, scraps.

His hyungs smile at you, each one leaving a kiss on your cheek before they head to the door.

It’s only when you hear it click that your body starts working again, quickly removing your clothes and letting them fall onto the floor, then taking big steps towards the bed and sitting down. You know what comes now, it became a routine by now, and Jungkook knows it too.

You hug him. So tight and comforting, lovingly that he feels his eyes water again, for the fifth time today. Your embrace smells like the both of you, familiar and special, a space that seems made just for him.

His head rests on your chest and a moment later you’re slowly laying on the mattress, leading him with you and trying your best not to make any movements that could scare him.

Jungkook is having problems, not a little. You’re just too scared to admit it.

He’s been feeling low lately, you say.

He’s feeling worse than he’s ever felt. He’s scared, scared of the world and himself, of everything. He always feels anxious, putting his nerves on the edge and his brain in condition of never stop working, he’s always attentive, watchful of everything, too much.

The anxiety eventually led to anxiety attacks and panic attacks. It’s been a hell of a road until now, and you thought that maybe he could make it. You still think it, but these times seem to be the hardest. Especially since yesterday night.

He had a panick attack in his sleep. His side of the bed wet with sweat and tears, his whines waking you up just to see him with his hands on his chest and his face soaked with both tears and sweat, eyes shut close and lips as red as blood.

Jungkook is extremely sensible. He feels the judgement of people, he’s shy and it takes him a lot to stand for himself, his self-esteem has never been so low than in these last year. All of these facts together, eventually led to a breaking point. This moment. “If you won’t let it go, it will occur the time where your body will come in the way and do it for yourself.”, said his psychologist last week as she tried to explain what was happening to him. “His brain told him to stop what he was doing and since he wouldn’t listen, it had found a different way.”

And you swear on your life as you hug him tighter and tighter to you, your fingers brushing through his hair and his hot breath fanning on your neck, that you will be here for him forever. It doesn’t matter how much it will take him to feel better, how hard it will be.

«Do you want to talk?» you whisper. As quietly as you can. He doesn’t answer, but you feel his arms tighten their hold around you. You watch the beautiful features of his face, his eyebrows, his eyes shut, his nose, the petals of his lips, the freckle on his nose and under his lower lips, his golden skin.

«I’m here, I am always going to be here. I love you» you whisper.

Jungkook wouldn’t want to do it again, but by now his eyes are reckless and they let out another tear; warm and full of pain it tickles his skin as it travels on his nose until it eventually falls and lands on your collar bone.

«I’m sorry» he whines, sniffing. His face nuzzles onto the crook of your neck as other warm tears wet your skin. Your heart shakes, your chest becomes heavier. You squeeze him so tight, if there was a way to take away all of his pain you’d do it without even blinking, even if it’d end with you being in his shoes.

«What are you sorry for?» you whisper again, your lips kissing the locks of his dark hair as he hides his face.

His body is stronger, bigger than yours. But he needs the same attention and love as a baby now, the same thoughtfulness. Jungkook is in a fragile state, and you have to be hyperaware of everything to make sure that he doesn’t slip out of your hands and fall, breaking into shatters on the cold floor.

«...This-» he weeps, his back shaken by sobs. «M-me... I-You-»

«Don’t be» you cut him off.

«Don’t ever feel sorry for how you’re feeling. Never» you reassure. A soft kiss is placed on his forehead, and another one on his hand after you slowly, carefully lead it to your lips.

«Did you have-»

«Three»

This time he’s the one who cuts off. He doesn’t want to hear their name, he hates them. He hates them so much, and for you is the same. Watching him in sweat, with tears falling down as he whines lost in his world, the way he can’t breathe in the right way, his lips trembling and his eyes desperate for help but afraid that it will never come, scared and in a world with no light at the end of the dark tunnel: that is what you hate the most in the world.

He hates panick attacks just as much as you do. Fuck them, you think.

Three. One shakes him enough to make him sleep for at least three or four hours after, all of his energies get sucked away in a scary way both mentally and phisically, to imaginewhat he is going through right now makes you hold him even tighter. Thank God that Taehyung and Jimin were free today and stayed here to help him, Jungkook is too afraid to remain home by himself, and honestly you would never leave him alone when he’s scared to death of himself. In the morning, he’s afraid to get up from the bed, because it feels like his only safe space, he doesn’t even dare to go to the kitchen; the only thing he can do is focus on his breathing, you are the one who brings him breakfast, lunch and dinner and help him eat. The idea of a new day already beginning scares him even more because he knows it will be just as shitty as the one before, full of fear for him. Panic and anxiety attacks come and go as if they were the air he exhales and lets out, some of them last longer and are deeper, Jungkook would end up crying in your arms and beg you to stop them. It breaks your heart everytime to not being able to help him just like he wants. You could see the fear in his eyes every time, and even when they finally leave, that shadow won’t. They scare him, so much that he does his best to avoid them, and right now is to just stay in bed. He can’t leave the bed without being swallowed by the anxiety of doing something wrong that will eventually trigger another attack, so he lays still for almost the full day beside of when he needs to go to the bathroom. You usually follow him and wait outside of the door, his cheeks redden every time at the thought of needing you to help him even for something so mere, but he’s thankful that you do. His deepest fear became himself, not being able to control his brain without falling in the arms of panic again. Just the other day he had whispered you that he was afraid of going out of his mind and that if he were destined to live like this for the rest of his life, he would prefer to be dead. The thought made you shiver. You had sweetly kissed his forehead, telling him back that he was all but crazy and that everything will eventually be alright, these are just some obstacles on the road. And you really hope it. The fact that now he’s not safe from attacks anymore not even in his sleep scares him even more.

«I’ll stop talking then,» you caress his neck, so incredibly warm that for a moment you think he might have had catched a fever too «you-»

«Please, don’t» his head slightly raises from its place in the crook of your neck, eyes looking at you. They look so tired, exhausted, spent, weary.

«Please talk to me, I want to hear your voice»

Your lips meet his forehead, pressing to it as if it was your lifeline. Jungkook’s eyes shut close, the feeling of something familiar warming up his chest just the slightest, he tells himself that maybe he could live with this sensation. It certainly would be better than being scared and breathless, with your brain playing tricks on you. It would be a hundred times better to live with this sensation, not tingling or burning hot but slightly calm and still, like a caress but really light. The one of the one hundred percent. This is enough to make him feel better, just the slightest. A speak of dust in the desert, but at least is something. It’s warm, familiar.

«I would need a million words if I tried to define all the things you mean to me»

Jungkook opens his eyes, watery again. His lips tremble, breath stuck as he looks at you with him emotions on full display, fragility at its peak.

«For you I’d die a thousand lives» you whisper. And God, you mean it. You never meant it more than now saying it in front of him, for his eyes and his heart.

«Special kind of energy, cause love is born when hearts collide» you go on. And by now, Jungkook knows what you’re doing.

«Is this-»

«Ssh» you caress his cheek trying to make him relax just a little bit. «Every time you touch me you remind me that I’m still alive»

Jungkook loses it as he looks at you while you say those words, the same that you’ve been reminding him of for all these minutes, this morning, yesterday night after you witnessed his state for all these days.

He doesn’t care if he’s feeling lightheaded or if the feelings in his chest are so deep and make him feel such in a haze that it will eventually lead him towards another panic attack. He needs you, he needs to feel alive again, to feel reassured and loved more than ever.

His lips meet yours, not in a soft peck like the ones you’ve been giving him in these last days. A kiss that makes his blood boil in his veins and his mind in a haze, not because it’s vicious or promises something more but because is full of promises of happy endings and limitless fondness, a kiss that would take away all his pain and give it to you if it was possible. That is what makes him wish he was able to give you more. He swears that he never felt something as soft as your lips, he never believed in a place as much as he believes in your embrace, he never loved someone as much as he loves you, he never felt more alive then now. You can feel his emotions on your lips, in your mouth; his fragility, the way he’s desperately trying to let himself go and how he hopes, how he believes that you will help him in doing so and will take good care of him if he succeeds, the bitter taste of the fear of being this fragile to himself, of feeling something that might be too much too handle for now.

It’s like giving his first kiss, it’s just like the first time. It’s new and Jungkook almost feels like he’s not enough because he knows he can’t give you more, and the thought makes his heart clench in pain. But you don’t care, and if he’s willing to give you ten then you’ll take five, because you don’t want to exhaust him. That’s the reason why you part from him, slowly.

Jungkook loves you, so deeply and profoundly. And you read it on his face as he parts from your lips and rests his head on your chest, his low lidded eyes keeping their stare on you.

«My heart is beating so fast» he whines, breath already itching, voice full of panic and fear.

«Bad fast or good fast?»

«Both» he shuts his eyes again. He’s going to have another panic attack, he can recognize it, he feels it coming, and you know it too just by that shadow in had in in his eyes before closing them. A mix of desperation and anger towards himself to not being able to control it.

At least, I’m still alive, Jungkook thinks. Even though, beside from that span of time when his lips met yours and he felt like he was doing the right thing, he is not that sure that it worths it.

Maybe tomorrow I can live a moment like that again, it’s the thought he tries to keep in mind as his breath itches more and more.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook one shot #jungkook ff #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #bts masterlist #bts masterpost #bts reactions #bts drabbles #ot7 #ot7 bts #ot7 x reader #bts x reader #bts one shot #jk x reader #jk one shot #jk smut #jk fluff #jk angst #jk ff #jk fanfiction #jk fanfic #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkok au #jungkook au one shot #jungkook x reader #bts ot7