#I'm pretty much useless

[technologyvoid]

How do I even have mutuals tbh

#i feel like I'm just annoying y'all into being friends with me #i mean. *logically*; i know I'm a good friend and caring and all that #but i feel like i dont do nearly enough for the friendships i have. especially recently. like #when was the last time i actually interacted with someone?? *started* a conversation??? #or just in general. like. i can't really draw anything for y'all. i can't write anything that doesn't include my own characters. like #I'm pretty much useless

[cipheramnesia]

Tumblr stop recommending me horny sapphic blogs that all say men dni in the pinned post, go back to sending me posts from the one that's just horny all the time please, I want the fat furries and the queer freaks that are way less respectably normal about me and my body.

#long post #feels weird to have this tagged important although I'm glad it resonates with many different trans people #dni lists are generally useless and rarely seen but i see all the saph ones bc I'm checking they're not terfs and its weird #but its just always weird bc they always are trans inclusive binary exclusionist and its like what are you doing #anyway its pretty much all an online thing but weird insight into the whole neoliberal gender politics #trans inclusive politics that still fundamentally are binary exclusively in action

[mariana-oconnor]

The AO3 search/filtering system has just ruined me for every other search function ever. I genuinely go onto websites, click 'advanced search' and then look at what paltry options they've given me in utter horror. How does anyone find anything? How do people survive?

#AO3 #I'm not saying that I can always find exactly what I'm looking for if I want a specific fic #but 9 times out of 10 I can #And yes this is as much down to the dedication of the users tagging things effectively #If people didn't use the tagging system it would be useless #But people do #and then the tag wranglers make it all work so well #Glory to the tag wranglers #and it's just beautiful #I could weep #Also I'm pretty sure some of the fics I'm looking for have been deleted #Which is tragic #and I can't find them on the wayback machine either #Lost to the abysm of time and now living only in my memory #Alas #alack #alas and alack

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

self indulgent horross doodles just because i can >B)

#art #my art #my doodles #utmv #horror x cross #cross sans #cross!sans #horror sans #horror!sans #horror #cross #horross #horross or horroross...i think i'm gonna settle with the first one HHH #i have no idea what the actual ship name even is but i think it sounds pretty fitting xD #i wanna draw more of horror so much....he's so fun to sketch wawhahghga HIM<3333 #anyways shout out to blue for inspiring me cause goshsh there's SO many scenarios i can think of and doodle but maan #cross hates being stuck in bed cause he gets antsy headcanon<3 also because he hates feeling bored or useless :'( #but horror is just as stubborn about self care and spoiling his teammates with healthy snacks so good luck trying to escape him<333 #i also wanna draw more random less detailed/rendered art and actually post them for funsies this time! #because gosh i can't doodle the ideas i want to make when i keep nitpicking the drawings and spending hours on one piece augyhgh #next doodles up are probably gonna be about crepic because *shrugs* #i might as well have been dragged into the ships i never thought i would ever ship cause wow. i am weak for some bromance<333 #gosh cross keeps attracting every type of individual in the multiverse istg HHH xD he's fun to write so ofc he is<333 #thank you all for your support btw!! muah muah have a nice day everyone<3333

[isaksbestpillow]

My phone told me this was today exactly one year ago 😭

#all i want is to go back to my life :( #i was pretty enough and my life was beautiful enough but i was too much of a worrier to fully appreciate it #not to be a cliche but losing control of my body has made me seen things in a new light #please appreciate the average days!!! #once i'm done with this endometriosis then it's over for you guys meaning my useless worries and complaining

[running-in-the-dark]

I have about two hours until I'll be too tired to think. I have to send the new exposé for my thesis to my advisor this morning (not an official deadline but it basically is).

I haven't written a single word yet. not one. sooo it's going great!

I cleaned my desk - that was very helpful and I should have done it first, but it felt like a waste of time. which is stupid because I know myself - I can't focus when there's stuff lying all around me. I also started reading the book on how to write a thesis that I got a few weeks ago. it's very very helpful. should have started reading it when I got it. but I didn't, so, yeah. this is where I'm at rn.

I'll go back to watching study with me videos (I forgot how much those help 😭)/having them on in the background, and try to get something done before I fall asleep.

#it really fucking sucks that I need that horrible overwhelming panicked feeling to get started #I KNEW I had to do this. I KNEW I had to send it tomorrow or well today now. #I WANTED to do it because I HATE this feeling so fucking much!! #but nope. couldn't think about it at all. just wouldn't do it. my brain said no. #I still find it fascinating that my old therapist was sure I don't have adhd because.... well yeah I'm pretty damn sure I do 🙃 #I truly hate myself so fucking much for putting myself in this situation AGAIN #I somehow have to turn all the stupid useless notes I have into something that makes sense and I just want to die #personal #posts about my thesis

[write-it-motherfuckers]

Thank you for all the supportive comments Darling ones, I think I’m going to take your advice and just focus on getting better for a few more days, or at least better enough to be able to focus a little easier on figuring out what the hell is going on. I really am quite sick right now, and trying to power through the brain fog that it’s causing, just isn’t working.

I’m sorry, but please bear with the “queue error” posts for a little longer.

I love you all dearly, and hope you’re being kind to yourselves 🖤😘

#mod speaks #literally have only made it out of bed once today. and I ended up having to sit down on the floor on the way back because I was so out of it #I'm pretty much useless right now. And I'm half convinced that if I attempt to fix the queue issue as I am currently #I might actually just make it worse #hopefully I'll be a little more alive in a few days

[amarrymeinbostonwriter]

Wow. Sometimes I'm very lucky and my bipolar doesn't always affect me much. But no such luck lately. I'm worried that I might have to retake my modern lit course because I was so late with many of my assignments. I've been mentally messed up more or less with a mixed mood episode since last September. I'm currently on the line of passing and not passing the class (granted there are a few ungraded assignments, including my final so it's still possible that I'm overreacting). I'm usually a good student too so it's a point of pride for me. I went from the honor roll to this all due to me fighting with an illness... :/ (It is my fault for not managing things better so I'm not looking for pity here- just talking).

I cannot imagine how horrible this disorder is for people who didn't have the option of medication (I am medicated, believe it or not). I think about that about that a lot since I study history and look into many writer's and artist's biographies in my spare time. I feel very bad for them since they basically had to live with this disorder without the fixes I have simply because I was born late enough for treatments to exist.

Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath both haunt me. Other people too. Yes, Lord Byron was extremely shocking but consider- we don't actually know what he would have been like if he could have been treated. He wouldn't have died at 36, I'm almost certain of that. I am highly aware of what this disorder has done to people before me. It doesn't make it better. But I keep looking back any way, to see that many of them did incredible things, in spite of it all.

I just keep thinking that if they could do so much without any treatment- that I should be able to function with treatment??? I know: don't compare yourself to other people but I'm desperate to know that I can be successful even with this illness. That it's not going to force me to leave school (the one thing I have been historically good at) and waste my life toiling away for nothing.

So if it seems as if I have been hitting my head against something lately, you aren't wrong. The fall is not generally my friend, pretty as the leaves are. I have not been having a good time of it but we must go on any way because what other option is there? None, I tell you.

#leaves pretty brain shitty has been my fall for the last few years since 2018 at least... #consistently fall has been bad for my cycle though I like that time of year normally #granted a lot of things kept happening every fall since 2018 too #bipolar disorder #actually bipolar #I probably am a closet perfectionist in some cases #I am exhausted thanks for asking! #and yes for a few semesters I was an honor roll student in my grad school- not any more though LOL #seriously I'm going into debt for this degree and uh that promise to waive our debt never came to light so I'm very fucked rn #I have to finish this degree so I can work off my debt and build a good reputation for myself #I'm honestly afraid my illness might take away my ability to have a career at all; I'm desperate for a living wage! #it's not good #but this could be anxiety talking tbh #for real I'm amazed that like Virginia Woolf and others were able to do as much as they did in their lives #because without my medication I'd probably be useless??? Mania is not fun 10/10 would NOT suggest #I actually pity Lord Byron after reading his biography; he just seems like if mania was a person and um it explains his behavior completely #do you ever look back at other peoples' lives and see pieces of yourself in them and then feel really bad for them? cuz I do all the time #mychatter #I'm stubborn in that I refuse to quit school since I am aware that my family needs to know I can do this #please don't take this personally this is my problem and a pointless rant probably

[havenothingtodowithme]

I forgor to tell it here, but I finally got a job! I'm an english teacher for kids now!

I have zero qualifications to be teaching english but I'm glad my years of tumblr brainrot got me a job after all lol

#like literally #i never thought being terminally online since the age of 11 would be my biggest asset #my actual college degree is useless for this job #i'm enjoying it so much #the kids are all so fun and nice #i was terrified to teach kids #because i have a lot of friends who are teachers #and they always say kids are like little demons to deal with #but my students are all pretty chill #i'm also so happy to have a job lol #i was unemployed for 8 months #i was getting so desperate #all and all 2024 started well #vic thoughts

[alchemistdetective]

Coincidentally the only person who pretty much hard-counters him is his mom, Satori.

Shapeshifting? Able to find him out after snapping her fingers.

Possession? Why do you think she's the Mistress of Chireiden?

Illusions? Her mind reading can snap her back to reality, so it's limited.

So he basically loses to his mom's chancla

#muse: rirune #I'm still amused by this sajlGHASJLASG LIKE #He still has a fighting chance against people stronger than him for sure #Like he can use shapeshifting to distract Remilia or possess Flan because she's not as mentally stable as the others #He can still hold his own somewhat against Ran even if he'd eventually lose #But Satori? Pretty much makes 2/3 of his stuff useless LASJGHASG

[bat-the-misfit]

wait when was i supposed to find out the sims 4 released a kit based on CARNAVAL????? and they also added BRAZILIAN FOOD and i'd never know about it????

#or maybe i knew it and forgot? #idk the shock makes me think i didn't know about it #bc i knew some stuff they released but not all #so i have the impression i should know about it #but i didn't???? #they fucking added BRIGADEIRO my sims can finally host birthday parties #the food is mostly party ones so they won't be much of use tbh #especially acarajé it's mostly popular in Bahia idk if my non-bahian sims would eat it #yeah pretty much useless but at least they remembered we exist #the carnaval pack... well i'm not surprised it's based on it #brazil is only carnaval and football to gringues #but it is very beautiful and i actually recognize many clothes from actual carnaval celebrators #i hate carnaval so... yeah... i'm the last brazilian you should ask an opinion from #but it is very beautiful!! i can't deny that #well aNYWAY #i can't play sims :) #since the beginning of 2021 i think #i won't be able to make my sims eat some churrasco so soon :) #tio morcego tá tagarela

[poolsidescientist]

I think one of my biggest fantasies in life is being able to live somewhere/with someone that I can come and go as I please. Have my own car, not have to rely on other people or explain why I can’t be home of take care of people/the dog/etc. at all time. People think I’m greedy for wanting a well-paying job but having to take care of people you’re dependant on is really shitty and money would 100% solve this problem.

#such is life #I look forward to finally getting my drivers lisence #my mom only let me practice because I convinced her it benefits her #I have a grad student scholarship that's ending and no idea where more money is coming from #I mean I am ta-ing but I'm not earning enough to pay rent somewhere #and I have a dog to take care of #I love daisy but she's a lot of work #and my mom is pretty useless #so she needs me to do nearly 100% of the work #I'm 30 why is it so hard to leave #I have no external support #why can't one person in my actual life see that my home life is shitty and help me get independence rather than just make fun of me #I'm tired of being a caregiver to someone who should have raised me #I never got to be a teenager so I don't know how to have fun so I have to pretend or people don't like me #if I've learned anything it's that all love is conditional #if you think otherwise you just don't know what the conditions are #sorry for ranting I just don't have another place I can be honest about stuff #this is a roundabout argument for ubi I guess? #having the means for financial independence and a social safety net should be someone everyone has #I know a lot of people have it much worse too #I guess this is why I need to find a good partner and create a version of myself that is appealing to them #I would kill to be loved for who I am when I'm not making myself into things but I also gotta live #and these things don't go together

[wereh0gz]

Wow dropping almost all of my classes except for one really was the best thing I could've done right now huh

Wish I could've dropped all of them tho. Or better yet just not have started college at all

#ramblings #neg #i have never felt this unmotivated to do anything in my life. nor this emotionally unstable #have a stupid midterm coming up and if its anything like the quizzes i've had to take at least 60% is gonna be shit we never go over #bc this stupid class is online and the teacher doesn't assign work or notes for shit that will actually be in the tests #either that or it's all explained in the most dumbfuck overly complicated way #the class is supposed to be abt math stuff that should apply irl but i can assure you like 90% of it is useless to me #the only thing i've actually been learning from this stupid class is how to make pretty looking excell sheets #god i just want to be done with this shit already #with how much i'm struggling with this one class i know for fucking sure i would not have been able to handle being a full time student #the only reason i'm still taking this stupid class is bc i can't drop it without paying for it #paying for school is already fucking stupid as it is but paying to stop going is even worse #hope when this class is done i never have to hear anyone even suggest i go to college ever again #or else i swear to god i will actually just punch them in the face #fuck off

[salsedine]

Look, I understand that hormones are pure anarchy and that the New Pill needs its time to adjust... But getting my period (or the fake/pill-induced period) twice in the span of 10 days should be ILLEGAL.

#I mean it's better than usual so I'm cautiously optimistic for the future #And this pill is often used to treat endometriosis (among other stuff) so the fact that it works pretty much confirm the endo diagnosis #I'm still tired and sore but usually it's worse so it's an improvement lol #Useless things

[running-in-the-dark]

aw man. for a minute there I thought I might be allowed to take Ibuprofen again since I stopped taking the antidepressant that I was on. but sadly no, you're also not supposed to take it when you're on the anxiety medication I'm on 😔

#I guess I could take it anyway... but the leaflet says not to so I won't #this reminds me of thr last qtime I went to the ER because of my stomach pain (that turned out to be gallstones) #before I went there I called the.. idk on call emergency doctor or whatever #and it was this awful awful woman. anyway she said I should just take Ibuprofen so I said I'm not allowed to take that because it's a #blood thinner and I'm not allowed to take those #and she was really mad and said no it's not. it's pain medication 🙄 #I was in so much pain and also kind of stunned by her reaction so I just. hung up #like I know it's not. I guess technically considered a blood thinner? but it does increase the risk of bleeding and that's why you can't #take it with certain other meds #which I think is irrelevant tbh. it's pretty clear what I meant and it's kind of. scary that this doctor would tell someone who says they'r #not allowed to take Ibuprofen to take it anyway. especially since I was having extremely bad stomach pain with no known cause at that point #like that feels dangerous #but anyway what do I know (nothing) #I miss Ibuprofen though 😔 I hate paracetamol #personal #cw medical #(also just. generally. being told to 'just take Ibuprofen' when you've already told this person that you've taken a looot of stronger pain #meds already and they're not doing anything at all is just. wow such great advice thank you! so helpful!) #(I mean I'm glad she was useless because that's why I went to the ER and they finally found out what's wrong. but still 🙄)

[ssaalexblake]

and it turns out that it’s super weird to go down a road u only went down like 3??? weeks ago the last time to find that it has grown two new roundabouts since you last saw it 

#in theory the said roundabouts would help with congestion #however they're in stupid places and are pretty much useless #ain't that always the way #anyway it was genuinely offputting #they're trying to ease traffic in all the villages #by improving the roads that avoid them #i'm not convinced this will work but i've been wrong before