#I'm of the opinion that literally all of us would have had a better weekend if he'd come alone

[inchidentally]

https://x.com/charlclerc/status/1749478427239891090?s=20

I think someone here missed the sight of a soaked Oscar <3

ok so big shock!! I'm gonna use this sweet little morsel of Lando pausing in his remaining winter break to look back on that glorious day

to create an absolute smorgasbord of what Suzuka meant to him and to Oscar

I've edited together the most chewable parts of the post race press conference tho tbh it's mostly just removing the parts where Max tries his best to put a slight new twist on answering the exact same questions as last weekend lgflajsg.

so at the start I love the little private smile Lando and Oscar share when Max's fanfare is going on - it gives me a little rueful but also slightly creepy twinning vestal virgins au like are we going to destroy him Lando? yes we are going to destroy him Oscar

(I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS IT'S JUST JOKES).

which is even funnier with what Max leads into about seeing these two goddamn McLarens sandwiching him and for a split second thinking ah so they want to destroy me? oh dear. like Max is very at home on that couch but the presence of these two creatures sharing covert smiles with each other has him (and probably a lot of that room) uneasily wondering if that's all y'know, normal and above board? they're not like... witches, right? haha. crazy!

and I think the cool meticulous way Lando treats his own performance is a really good example of how (in my opinion!) his self-flagellation does need to be reeled in because he's never the sort to be soaring high enough to compensate for those lowest lows. for a while I was undecided but honestly I agree with Martin Brundle, Jenson Button and Oscar who've said (in different ways and indirectly from Oscar) that Lando is far too level-headed and race smart to be hanging his own tender hide out like he does. I so appreciate how measured he was in self-approval over his back to back podiums and no one's asking him to get cocky, but I'd really love to see him match this approach to when he struggles as a driver (and not just a car issue which was the case pre Silverstone).

contrast that with Oscar discussing his own self-criticisms of the weekend but equally saying he'll still relish the maiden podium. and crucially that he can fairly put at least part of his struggles - which he was also meticulous about - down to this being his first time racing at Suzuka. an anon sent an ask about Andrea praising Oscar specifically for his performance there and you can really feel the influence Andrea has had throughout the season on Oscar. because before Silverstone, Oscar had a tendency to monotone lowness and disappointment in himself that bordered dangerously on bitterness and maybe even a fear/doubt of how his rookie season would indeed turn out? but Andrea's approach of optimism, faith in teamwork and specifically in making sure Oscar was looked after while Lando naturally performed so much better, absolutely sank in.

and it makes sense that Oscar as a rookie has so much more mental plasticity when it comes to outside influence - and says a lot about Andrea's leadership too. it's where I wish Lando could have had Andrea as principal from day one too. bc understandably, Lando has graduated to that level of knowing himself so well as a driver relative the drivers around him that there's an existing almost prejudice about himself that the people in charge of guiding him have to overcome.

literally everyone who knows and who matters has said how similar Lando and Oscar are in terms of their approach to the car and their dedication to the team. and I know Andrea has shielded Lando in his own way by saying that it's a champion's mentality to have as much passion and emotion as Lando does. but - and this is honestly such a great piece about Andrea go read it and thank you again to @mecachrome for repping him so much - he also emphasized the positivity that was so crucial to pushing the team through those awful early races. I don't at all blame Lando for getting a bit grim toward himself at times thinking not only about that first race win but also the championship. but I also really hope that between Andrea and Oscar (source: Lando himself!) he can use the lifts of his highs to not sink so low anymore.

skipping back to around the minute mark when Lando says how much more this second place means to him than Singapore because of the double podium and also because of his own performance being better. not to get too ~contentious~ but this is why I really have needed the Singapore high to wear off as fast as it did for Lando when people are discussing Lando's 2023 as a driver and not as part of a ship. absolutely still revel in it in an rpf sense! but like, real life Lando is intensely loyal to his team and y'know what else? he's intensely loyal to loyalty. which is precisely what Oscar has been proving to McLaren since signing that pre-contract the summer before. it took an entire court case for Oscar to get to McLaren and he was met with a wall of hate coming from three sides. comment sections were filled with people celebrating McLaren's 2023 initial struggles and vilifying Oscar for how much he was costing them (in every sense) for paying out Daniel. and it was the Suzuka weekend when Oscar agreed immediately to extend his contract further.

Lando had a front row seat for all of that once the season started. and considering how few races Oscar's dad and Lily were able to make due to being on the other side of the world and final year of school respectively, Oscar spent a fair amount of that time getting to grips with being in F1, and the particular pressure and stress from media and fans, largely alone in terms of a private life. so it says so much about how well he was repaid by the team and also by Lando for keeping his cool and putting in the extra hours and keeping the faith.

and around 2 mins "we have two drivers up fighting for those positions" "we can help one another and use one another". that tandem the two of them have achieved before the season is even over was largely formed when the car was fighting against them. as was the case with Carlos and then Daniel and truly every other F1 driver, Lando did NOT have to intervene or take on a specific responsibility toward Oscar. F1 drivers aren't pack animals, they move through their careers alone and are happy if they can be buddies with their partner. so to see Lando as the number one show faith in Oscar and stand up for him and receive that trust and faith in return is so unique. Lando controlled that as much as Andrea did - maybe even more considering how he says he feels Oscar is so similar to him in a lot of ways. it's not uncommon for charismatic guys like Lando, Carlos and Daniel to make friends with their team mate.

but I think the whole "Lando effect" thing has actually been a huge disservice to what Lando has put into the partnership with Oscar. in this interview early on in the season, he says how Oscar is really quiet and that it's just how most people are in their first year and "we'll change him". but as we've seen, Oscar didn't end up changing and funnily enough the hanging out he and Lando do off the track has been as private and only alluded to as the rest of Oscar's private life. Lando got a lot of Oscar on his camera (again, a lot we haven't gotten to see yet) but really there was no big transformation in terms of Oscar becoming one of the charismatic personalities of the grid. and yet he and Lando only got closer and more supportive of each other in all the ways that matter to a partnership. so I think it's a much bigger credit to Lando that he learned to understand Oscar's personality better and still found ways to establish that sense of trust and loyalty without a bromance or a bunch of common interests to act as glue.

when they do that slightly eerie, intense active listening when the other is speaking, it's them having a synchronicity that has nothing to do with how guys usually bond. (that's why my vestal virgins au yes I know it's weird)

Lando wasn't in any position of power for any of that to be relevant with Carlos or Daniel - Carlos was so far advanced already in his career and Daniel had his thing going on w McLaren that Lando had no control over (and rightly didn't respond to people demanding he show some kind of shame?? or partake in the blame). so loyalty never really played a part in his partnerships with those two, whereas (and maybe as a result of that) Lando's loyalty to McLaren as a team only grew each season. so seeing someone close to his own age but far behind in experience, work so hard and prove so early on that he wants to stay, absolutely brought out a pride from Lando for Oscar that I really hope he will also extend to himself more. major Zak Brown levels of back pats to Lando.

and side note but it needs to no longer be a question or point of contention when Lando says that Silverstone and then the double podiums are superior races for him. Lando loves his F1 buddies, absolutely. but Lando didn't burn through junior championships by favoring his buddies. he loves racing and his team more. and he sure didn't get that second place podium in Singapore because of a buddy, it was because of the position he'd put himself in. just like how Carlos would have given DRS to anyone behind him who was on older tires like he was to ensure that win. like, let's remember the manic obsession that has brought these men to where they are. buddies are a part-time thing. rpf is my meat and drink but I'll never confuse it up with that reality lol.

4:45 the Senna-Prost comparison - and I could probably get all deep about the youngest generation referring to those old bitter alpha male rivalries as something long gone (but I won't). but it's a really good call-back to Monza and the coming together because there's Oscar's ability to see his performance clearly and where it went wrong for him leading to that third place and not higher. and god, I am in no way saying that it's possible to compare Lando being in his fifth season without a race win to a rookie celebrating his first podium. I just really hope that Lando reminds himself that he's come of age in F1 in the Max Verstappen era and that in the cool down room at Qatar, Oscar giddily thanked Mercedes for clearing a path for him. that it doesn't always have to be pure perfection and pace to keep him afloat. sometimes points are points and serendipity plays her part.

"I've been drowned by Lando in champagne" god I will never be over Lando's smug toothy smile

and I will also never be over the way Lando went from clearly dreading being the "older/experienced" teammate and not knowing what to make of Oscar's quiet, reserved personality, to the intense proprietary authority of practically holding Oscar up by his collar like a prize cat in Suzuka and saying "this is mine! I helped make this what it is! look how good this is!"

all while baptizing him in champagne <3

#inchreplies #inchidentallyanessay #landoscar

[sapphire-strikes]

▪︎Some LEGO Monkie Kid Headcanons!▪︎

It took me long enough to get around to making one of these considering how fiercely I got attached to this series, but here we finally go!

Part 1 Part 2

~

• Tang works part-time at one of Megapolis' libraries.

• Before he actually got the job, he used to spend ALL of his time there (bouncing between there and Pigsy's Noodles as his regular hangouts) and was notoriously a menace to the staff. Think, holding up the front desk for ages to prattle on to the librarian about the books he was checking out, reorganizing entire shelves based on his own "educated" opinion of how they should be arranged and waiting outside the doors for them to open only have to be asked to leave when it was time to close.

• Unfortunately, it was a classic case of the regular who thinks they're beloved, while in reality, the librarians would play rock-paper-scissors to decide who had to check him out. Even those assigned to reshelving returned books when he was there would do so stealthily because as soon as he caught sight of one of them he'd stop whatever he was doing to stroll up and talk for hours.

• And you, of course, can bet he had all of their first names memorized and referred to them as such exclusively.

• The staff had a love-hate relationship with him for the longest time because while he was infamously annoying most of the time, he also did an unnecessary amount of work when he was there. This included putting books back that were left out by other patrons, properly reorganizing shelves, picking up trash, and even beating the librarians themselves to shushing and lecturing unruly patrons

• Tang is far from motivated to actually work and has little to no desire to hold a job at all but when a spot opened up, he applied quickly and got the job because he was literally the first and only person to actually apply. It is only part-time, and he puts in very few hours, probably just working weekends, but it works well with his lifestyle, and he's very content. He was unemployed before, so at least he makes rent now. When he does come into extra cash he spends it all eating out, so he never has a lot of money for anything, but it doesn't seem to bother him because the bulk of his hobbies (I.e reading) don't cost him anything with the library at his disposal anyway.

• Tang is principally incapable of throwing away or watching people throw away books, even ones he would never have any interest in reading, so whenever the library has to get rid of any, whether to make room for new editions or simple replace old copies, he ends up taking them home. For this reason, his apartment is a cluttered mess, with stacks of old books that line his walls and reach the ceiling.

• I'm going to project a little here and die on the hill that MK was homeschooled. He just gives that vibe and I'm living for it. It was by Pigsy and Tang, of course, and that's actually how Tang ended up becoming more involved in MK's life.

• For the longest time, Pigsy was extremely protective of MK, keeping him close to home and determined to provide everything for the kid himself. But when MK was old enough to start needing an education, he began to realize how out of his element he actually was. Pigsy is good at a lot of things, but teaching isn't one of them and it was even harder for him to find time to just sit down with the kid and go over anything while he had his shop to run.

• That's when he finally opened up more to Tang about the whole situation. Tang was more than eager to help, having wanted an excuse to interact more with young MK for the longest time anyway. So they set up a routine, and the better part of MK's "school days" were spent at the counter of Pigsy's Noodles, learning with Tang while Pigsy worked.

• And as you can expect, that's exactly where MK inherited his obsession with the Monkey King. Tang has a bias for history and mythology and taught MK more about those than almost anything else.

• Mei was private schooled, and ironically enough, when her and MK first met and started hanging out, Pigsy thought she was a bad influence. That was until one day when he witnessed young Mei fiercely jumping to young MK's defense, and he's been fond of her ever since.

• Personality wise, I think MK and Mei can both fall into the category of "violently" extroverted.

• Mei's the kind of extroverted that thrives on getting out of the house, meeting new people, and spending time in high-energy environments. She gets bored easily when she's alone, and she hates being bored more than almost anything else. However, she isn't completely opposed to alone time every now if she's upset or needs time to decompress.

• MK, on the other hand, while also extremely extroverted, is extroverted in a much more personal sphere. He thrives on the time he spends with his friends, and playing quite literally to the term extrovert, becomes rather low energy and restless when he has to spend any significant amount of time alone. In other words, he gets lonely fast and easily, and he's extremely clingy, but having at least one other person around that he's close to is enough to keep his spirits up.

• Besides Red Son and Macaque, there's not a single solid introvert in the whole main cast. Pigsy's the only ambivert and Wukong only secludes himself from others out of guilt, he's actually extroverted in the exact same way as MK.

#lego monkie kid #lmk #mk lego monkie kid #mei dragon #tang lego monkie kid #pigsy lego monkie kid #The grip this series has on me right now #You can bet there's gonna be another one of these #I wanna talk about Macaque so bad #but I have a lot to say so it must wait until my next post

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Sometimes a Girl Needs a Firefly Fix. Was It Worth It?

Off the top: I do not endorse Whedon's behavior. Frankly, I'm not going to mention him at all in the rest of this post. I also don't endorse the "great man creator" myth. Lots of people were involved in making Firefly, and we can honor their contributions while holding that hard boundary against predatory and abusive behavior.

Sometimes a girl needs a Firefly fix. Growing up, my TV and movie access was pretty restricted, but never in my life did my parents say no to a book, so novelizations and spinoff novels were often how I first engaged with media and narratives (see my two and a half tubs of just Star Wars books). So when I was missing Firefly and couldn't access it, I dived into the books. My results were decidedly mixed.

I made the eminently logical decision to start with the first of the Firefly books, Big Damn Hero. I'm pretty confident that space western isn't common enough as a genre to have generic space western story issues, but honestly if you had changed all the names and take the Firefly branding off this book, it would have still been aggressively mediocre, just without the familiar characters that made me pick up the book in the first place.

Frankly, I don't have much at all to say about this book. It was fine. The plot was fine, if a bit on the generic side. The characters were fine, I didn't feel like anything contradicted the show. There was nothing particularly memorable about it, it was a fine way to kill a couple of hours on a rainy weekend afternoon.

Novelizations and tie-in novels, in my experience, can vary wildly in quality, so the violently mediocre first experience did not turn me off the Firefly novels in and of itself. I made sure to do a little more research before I picked up the next one, though. These books do technically have an order, but I went full chaos goblin mode and fully just ignored order. Instead, I looked at the focus characters and basic plots (spoilers were also not something I cared about, because c'mon).

I am an unabashed Mal and Inara shipper, and frankly the fact that Inara living with a terminal illness was deprioritized in the show (I know, there was a ton of drama with getting cancelled, this is an opinion and feeling, not a criticism) was wildly disappointing for me, so when I read the blurb for Life Signs, I had hope that we might actually get some Mal/Inara and some illness rep, which we just do not get enough of (massive shoutout to One for All for anyone who wants some incredible chronic illness rep that isn't John Green).

So, objectively, this book was better than Big Damn Hero. And with the benefit of hindsight, I would even call the book good. But if I'm being totally honest, when I was reading the book, I felt LIED TO. Inara shows up in the first two and last chapters, and the rest of the book is Zoe having an existential crisis about Mal's judgement and turning around a pulling another woman up behind her (which honestly I can get behind, Zoe is awesome). I was actually furious because Inara had basically zero agency or opinion about anything, and the framing wasn't Inara's voice and experience, it was Mal's man pain. Literally, the framing was patriarchal and infuriating.

The being lied to and shitty framing aside, the plot was intriguing and carried me through the book in one sitting (that was admittedly part rage as well, but the plot overall was solid), and the character work was solid. As long as you know what you're actually in for with this book, I think readers would genuinely enjoy it. I plan on giving it a second try once I've gotten some distance from the rage and the disappointment, but it definitely landed in the "this says it has illness rep but actually no, this is patriarchal man pain and the actual person experiencing the illness could be seamlessly swapped out for a table lamp without materially changing the story" category.

What Makes Us Mighty was my "third strike, you're out" book, and actually I was really impressed with this one. This felt more like Firefly than the other two books had, and there was some incredible work in it. The highlights include:

Mal going absolutely feral on a toxic, predatory rich guy

Jayne having some actual character growth and nuance beaten into his head

Simon Tam getting to do his doctoring thing

Zoe being an absolute QUEEN

The absolutely most horrifying SFF weapon I have ever read (this is a disputable claim, but even if you're not putting it at the top of the horrifying weapon list, it PLACES)

The Sereneity crew doing what has to be done with compassion and mercy and absolutely making me sob while reading

This book single-handedly redeemed my Firefly novel experience, and honestly I would actively recommend this one to Firefly fans. Not so much Big Damn Hero, and maybe not Life Signs (would depend on the reader), but hell yes, read What Makes Us Mighty.

#firefly #malcolm reynolds #inara serra #zoe washburne #hoban washburne #wash #jayne cobb #simon tam #novelization #tie in novel #tie-in novel #books & libraries #fiction #books and novels #books and reading #book recommendations #serenity #books and tv #big damn heroes #life signs #what makes us mighty

[silentreigns]

do you now know what first lap incidents are or are you just dense because you don't like daniel? because with sai and mag those were first lap incidents where he did take responsibility and apologized. not to mention daniel has had little incidents on his 10+ long career so this revisionism is crazy. it would be like saying lewis is a dirty driver for silverstone 21.

about the yuki incident, he was penalized, he served his penalty during the race and there was enough time to get a good result in the race. same way lewis was penalized at silverstone, served his penalty and then there was good enough time to get a good result in the race. they're incidents, they happen. it's not an agenda.

I think it's so bold saying you hope daniel gets his karma as if last year wasn't enough and everyone who reported on him said it was bad. like I get it if you dint like daniel but this is asshole behavior.

not to mention "he should have confiere considered nyck's feelings when taking the seat"??

same way oscar considered daniel's? nah fuck outta here with that. not to mention helmut explicitly mentioned the writing was on the wall already and he said that if daniel didn't have the pace on the tyre test, they would have gone for another driver. or would it be okay if another driver took the seat? it's a sport.

Guess what guys I got another long post incoming. With screenshots too because maybe I am not being clear about my perspective on the situation 🥳🥳🥳

I addressed the 10 second penalty in the tags of the post. I don't think I'm tweaking but ruining 2 people's races in back to back weekends when you're already getting released from your contract ain't a good look.

Don't bring Lewis into this because it ain't about him. I know you're making the comparison because Lewis is my favorite driver in order for me to ~empathize~ but I never said anyone was a dirty driver. You're putting words in my mouth 🤷‍♀️. The Mexican GP thing was to put things into perspective as to how people react in situations involving him. The general consensus for that race was "the race was boring, and Daniel was the only person who did anything notable, but he took out a driver, but causing someone to dnf is fine because we saw some of the old Daniel". Of course Yuki fans won't forget this incident 😭. Not a lot of people were sad for Yuki that weekend even though he was close to the points (y'all saw the AlphaTauri last season it was not good). If someone was celebrated for ruining my chances at succeeding I'd have a chip on my shoulder.

I think Daniel at his prime was world champion material, but the reliability issues he had during his first stint at RedBull ruined all of that. Maybe my feelings about this are wrong as I was not a f1 fan in like 2016, and I'm sure someone will correct me in my inbox.

So I said this because I believe it's alright to have these expectations for him. ~12 years vs ~3 years, the more experienced veteran generally performs better. If he believes himself then he should be just fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. I only share my opinions on platforms where I know the driver won't see it for a good reason.

I really do sound like a broken record. So my main problem is a driver with ~12 years in f1 replacing a rookie on a team that's meant for development and getting used to F1. You can't expect a rookie to produce good results if you give him a car where the brakes don't even work properly. And my annoyance is exacerbated by F1 media still pretending Nyck didn't exist. Like has any official F1 account posted about Nyck since this went down a few days ago? I don't think so. That is what's getting on my nerves.

I don't think I need to go over the differences between the Oscar situation and Daniel's. If you can't figure it out by now I doubt me explaining would change much 🤷‍♀️.

I literally can't envision a situation where they would replace a rookie with another rookie in the middle of a season. Would I be just as annoyed if this were to have happened? Most likely yes? I need this to actually happen in this era of F1 to form an opinion.

TLDR: I know why Daniel was put in AlphaTauri but I don't agree with the way it happened. Would I be upset with a rookie replacing a rookie in the middle of the season? Probably.

#f1 #formula 1 #daniel ricciardo #nyck de vries #yuki tsunoda #i didn't say a lot of things you're accusing me of saying tho so let's not do that

[purplesurveys]

1784

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? I don't. And maybe for some people yeah but personally it's not my style so no.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? It was a delivery rider just asking for specific directions going to our house. I don't have any feelings about the guy since I never ended up meeting him as I was out when he texted.

Did you have a New Year's kiss? No, I've always been with family in celebrating the New Year.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? For some reason I struggle with enunciating 'beautiful.'

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? Back and shoulders, which is why I always have a supply of ointment to coat all over my body at the end of the day lol. My legs only really hurt on days I do a lot of walking, which don't happen a lot.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Yes. As for my favorite app, I always find myself checking in on Reddit multiple times a day, even when mid-work.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? Angela is the most reliable person in my life. I trust her inputs on literally everything – just this morning I messaged her asking for help on how to use Carousell LOL – and apart from that she has the kindest heart and I know she'll always have my back no matter what, whether it's in the form of listening to me or calling me out when I'm on ther verge of doing something stupid.

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? English teacher. I know I wouldn't be the best with kids/teenagers but I feel like I nevertheless have enough people skills to get by. Plus I feel like I'm okay when it comes to explaining and teaching things, so it'd work out better at least compared to being a nurse.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? Yes, there's a specific brand I always go to. I'm not good with car stuff so I don't want to risk going to a different station and potentially going with the wrong kind of gas and damaging my car forever.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? I've only ever been with one person and they are my age.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? We have a family Christmas party/reunion this weekend and I have not wrapped a single gift. I might just buy a bunch of paper bags tomorrow since there is simply no time to individually wrap everything hahaha.

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? I know it shouldn't be a problem at this age but personally speaking it might intimidate me. I'm nowhere near ready to be a mom/stepmom.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? I don't use mascara. I like my eyelashes enough as they're naturally long already and don't really feel the need to make it look ~aesthetically pleasing~

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out, or have just an overall pretty face but have no special features? I'd take the pretty face. Pretty privilege is real and can take you places.

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? I haven't had plans for Valentine's Day in three years and don't feel the need to celebrate it alone.

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? I do not believe in horoscopes.

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so? I use my Notes app and just note down a bunch of stuff in there, whether it's a dream I don't want to forget, or a random thing a client would say during a meeting that I'd need to remember. That's why I often get confused when I look through my archives haha everything lacks context.

Do you think you're a confident person? In your opinion what makes someone "confident" anyways? I'm confident in some ways, like how I feel comfortable with my own company and am not in an active search for a relationship; or how I'm always ready to bite back if a relative tries to be condescending with me (because Filipino family culture means always trying to find reasons to indirectly insult one another hahaha). But I'm also no stranger to insecurity every now and then.

How would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? I like someone no-nonsense, a bit on the serious side and have an air of confidence and being able to take care of themselves. Someone who tries to make jokes every 10 seconds just sounds exhausting. I also prefer a friend than setups or online dating as it's more comforting if I already know the person.

Do you read books often? What is your all time favorite book and author? I used to but stopped reading a very long time ago. I just lost the time for it at some point until eventually I also lost the passion for it. That said I never was able to find my all-time favorite book or author.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? I've been having a difficult time coming to terms with my promotion until literally today when I encountered a Reddit thread of someone who's in the EXACT same situation – got promoted but doesn't feel like they're cut out for the job, and them feeling like they only got promoted because a couple of seniors in their workplace had just resigned, and them ultimately thinking of leaving.

I honest to god thought everyone in the thread was going to be supportive of OP resigning, but it was the complete opposite. People were raising points like "they trust you enough to promote you, make the most of it," "they've seen your past mistakes and still promoted you," "discomfort is inevitable with change, just stick with it and grow from it" and it really felt like they were talking to me. Anyway, I'm for sure still thinking of resigning but stumbling upon that has also helped me start to cope with and embrace (for now) where I'm at.

So speaking of for nows, I'll try to be proud of my biggest achievement this year which is getting promoted to director – something I literally never even strove to achieve since I only ever targeted becoming a manager.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? I'm not friends with her and cut off all contact the year immediately following the breakup.

What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I don't care.

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? We don't have those.

Are you the type of person to fight for someone or walk away? Depends. I used to be the kind of person who would, regardless of the circumstances; but after some things I've been through I'm a little less...dedicated to people in general now.

Is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? It's not, and I don't have much of an opinion on marijuana tbh since it's never been a hot societal/cultural concern where I live.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my family, so that's parents and siblings. I'd love to live alone one day, but I'm not in a rush because how the hell can I live anywhere with these condo prices lol?

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? I use it around 4-5 times a week, but I'm predominantly on Google Docs as it lets me work on files in real-time with teammates at work.

What is the last online purchase you made? Last few gifts for my sister, which includes a Spongebob pajama set and a couple of FNAF plushies. She's into so many fandoms that I just got her something from each haha. Before I checked these out I also had gotten her a few Resident Evil fanmade merch.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? I just get very emotional and feel like crying every 0.5 seconds, but as far as physical symptoms there fortunately aren't any.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? Not really, no.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It's very thick and is quite difficult to manage, especially after I had it bleached. It's always been on the dry and frizzy side and don't think it will ever get to a healthy glowing state.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? Yes, 10 years ago I had a tight-knit group of Internet friends; we were all into wrestling and were pretty much part of the first wave of stan Twitter when it wasn't even a thing yet, lol. We slowly fizzled out when the main two people we were stanning left WWE and went off the radar for a bit.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? Yes. Can you believe I still have a deck to work on, so close to Christmas? This is my first December where work is still on a peak. It's gross.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? It's okay as long as it doesn't come from a man who's being disgusting.

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? Never have. Seems a little irresponsible to me.

What type of deodorant do you use? Do you notice any difference between powders and gels? I have a local brand and I've never used powder so I can't compare.

What would you say is your worst habit? Peeling off nails. I've gotten more than one bleeding nailbed because of this.

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered "a regular" at? Not a restaurant, but I guess the FamilyMart below our office? They already know what kind of coffee I get hahaha.

Do you ever read the articles posted on the home page of Xanga? Has there ever been one that has really stood out to you? I was never on Xanga.

What is the weather currently like where you live? It's sunny and it's started to get cold on mornings and late evenings, but the afternoons are still brutal. I suppose it won't get Christmas-cold until January.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don't you have their number saved? My mom. I just never saved it before and now it's always just been her number hahaha, and I don't feel like changing it anymore.

Do you have any plans for Mardi Gras? No.

[felizusnavidad]

I am so close to putting my two weeks in without a job lined up.

I'm sorry but I honestly can't stand it here at this company anymore (it's retail); I like my coworkers and my manager when she's not micromanaging and being annoying, but it is very stagnant here and there is no growth beyond assistant manager. It's quite boring at times. I've come to hate talking to people too (mostly because we're forced to lol, and she is very on your a** about it.) I've been here since the fall of 2021. I've been applying to fashion and entertainment public relations agencies nonstop because creative marketing is what I want to do. I swear retail is the only industry that's hiring right now... I don't want to pursue retail management though, I want a 9-5 job that has the weekends + holidays off and where I can have fun and enjoy what I do, which is be creative. Teamwork, creative projects, collaborating... I want to marry my love for the fine arts and fashion industry together.

Sorry for the negativity, I just needed to let this out to someone, and that someone had to be you... :')

ok, wow, where do i start.

so first of all, i am actually flattered you chose me (although i am wondering why? i always thought i suck at giving advice but it's nice to know someone might have a different opinion). & second: i can't tell for sure but i feel like you wrote to me before, so we are basically friends at this point, no need to apologize 🤭

anon, quit your job. ok, that sounds scary & impulsive, but believe me or not, i was struggling with the same kind of thing last year. working in retail is probably the worst thing EVER, one customer can literally ruin your whole day, and, like you said, there is no growth in most places. once you quit your job, you are pretty much forced to look for something else (& that worked for me, cause i was too lazy before i quit but then i did so i had to), it's a risk but it's much better than suffering at your current place. it just makes you depressed... the only difference between us is that you actually know exactly what you want to do, i didn't (& i still don't, i'm just trying to find something that would be right for me lol), and this is already half the battle. and from what i can tell, you are working very hard to fulfill your dream & i'm sure everything is about to change for you pretty soon. i may know absolutely nothing about the industry you're talking about but if you can let yourself take a little break from working for a while to just breathe & maybe focus on what you really want to do & try a little bit more (and by that i mean: you're gonna have much more time to look for a job you want, so use it!), do it! this is what we need sometimes. and it has to work out eventually, right? i assume you are good at what you want to do & please don't you ever give up on that dream, it may take some time but someone will finally appreciate you, i'm sure of it.

be brave & you're gonna be fine. just breathe.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, i'm sorry, i'm pretty chaotic. but i believe in you & i wish you all the best, i truly hope you're gonna find what you're looking for.

#if it gave you a little bit of hope that's good #i didn't plan it to be so long so sorry #i have so many thoughts in my head #the point is you're gonna be fine #& sometimes quitting your job is the best decision because it stops you from so many things you could do #but also sometimes you just need to breathe #i am keeping my fingers crossed for you #i know you can do it #you are strong smart & brave #everything will be just fine #sending hugs 🫂 #daisy anon #i saved every letter you wrote me*

[honeyhotteoks]

I’m sorry this is going to be a little long… oops? I finally have a long weekend and now that I’m home I’m ready to dive into TNT (which I’ve been holding off for so long it’s insane I didn’t cave in earlier lol)

“Yunho would recommend we all stop drinking water if Mingi said it was a good idea.” I actually giggled at this and scared my parents’ cat lmao T^T This is hilarious and I already love the character dynamics! Also, kudos to woo for helping mc by giving her lozenges, I already love his character juygtfdfghj (I have a feeling he’s gonna be my favourite)

Oh gosh Mingi’s “it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you” and Yunho's “I’m just worried about you, I want you safe” had me melting on the floor. T^T

As someone who finds… the whole abo thing slightly… *sigh* how do I put it nicely? A lot of it goes very close to the nc category and always manages to make me uncomfortable especially since boundaries are not set before and just... Yeah. So, the fact that they’re talking about it beforehand and setting boundaries makes this so much better? I mean I know you said that ch 3 borders on dubcon, but they did talk about it so I guess that worked out well?

Bruhhhhhh I LOVE HOW YOU’VE WRITTEN MINGI HERE JKHTYRDFGCHJH the no-nonsense, level-headed guy~ T^T (who also runs away when things calm down lmao... Well... We can give him this one though, the aftermath is quite awkward)

JKGFVHKJIU You’ve got me all blushing and giggling with the dialogue especially the “Alphas are meant to provide,” He reminds you, “so let us.”

I love the awkwardness and the lingering feelings that are there throughout chapter 4~ And the last line obliterated me jkhgfjlui T^T She just wants her yungi T^T

OKAY CAN I SAY I LOVE JUNG WOOYOUNG? Remember when I said he’s gonna be my favourite in the beginning (lol I started writing this ask like… 3 hours ago oops?) I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON FOR THAT HAHAHA~ Can I get work friend!WY too please?

Oh gosh, okay Seonghwa! LMAO I love how he took the whole thing in stride. We love an unphased man~ And he offered himself up for the next heat??? AND THE WAY HE DOES IT OML. “you’re pretty, I’m pretty.” I was literally rolling on the couch in laughter.

Oh gosh, Sannie being the voice of reason is so on brand. (And side note, the whole, “but being a romantic doesn’t mean you have to let people hurt you” seems like such a San thing to say I— *sob*) I honestly love chapter 5 so much? Can’t wait to see how the friendship between mc and woosanhwa grows (because I literally love them so much rn ahaha) and how things turn out with yungi~

P.S. sorry if this is weird and feels more like a smash of random words jskmsns T^T I'm always kinda nervous to send asks but I loved the fic so much I just had to tell you ;-;

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay so i was literally giggling and clapping my hands reading this review i LOVE it thank you so much for taking the time. it means so much to me that you would do this 😭

but also YES to work friend wooyoung, like in my opinion he just has the makings for the perfect best friend character and there's so much more to come with him and the MC here. he's the most fun to write every time, he gets to have the best dialogue lol

also regarding your note about dubcon/noncon, i couldn't agree more! i'm comfortable reading both of those things if called out clearly in a fic, and i recognize why it's a kink, but it's really a sensitive topic that isn't for everyone and should be handled delicately. that was a big reason why i wrote the consent scene pre-heat in, and i'm glad that resonated with you! i've mentioned this on the blog before, but there will be a noncon scene in a later chapter between the MC and another character however, i just want to be clear it is not actually sexual, it's more just the implication of it and reader grappling with being an omega and feeling like she doesn't have the autonomy she wants to have. i really hope that is taken well by everyone, but just wanted to mention it again since you talked about it and for any other readers that may not have seen my earlier note.

also wait yes protective mingi / alpha mingi makes my brain spin. i'm excited to write yunho later on being a little more self assured about everything because he was leaning more hesitant in earlier chapters and letting mingi take the lead.

thank you SO much for your comment again, you pulled out some lines that honestly i was really proud of when i wrote them, so this comment means a lot.

#answered ask #this night together ask

[1whitewitch1]

Tw ED discussion

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Around this time last year my eating disorder got a lot worse than it had been for a long time. I had been purging since I was about 14 on and off. But it had never gotten to the level that it got to. I was creeping on ED Tumblr every day. I also started creeping on ED Twitter and partially on TikTok, but there isn't much of a community on there thank God. My ex-boyfriend had cheated on me twice and I was at my wits end with my body. I was on birth control from 2020 until 2021. That made me gain a lot of weight and it made me really dislike myself. The pandemic also didn't help. I gained a lot of weight. Finding radical feminism has literally changed my life and I'm not even exaggerating. Since I've been living independently out of home I've lost weight due to being unable to afford food and starving and I've never even gotten close to the weight that I thought I cpuld achieve when I was active in my anorexia. Food still controls a lot of my thoughts but I can manage it a lot better now. All thanks to this community. My body is not the same as when I was 17 and 50 kilos and doing MDMA every weekend. My body is not the same as when I was a 10-year-old girl. I cannot realistically be a lower weight than I am without doing intense dieting, exercise and restriction. And I walk and stand for anywhere between 5-10 hours 4-6 days a week at work. So I'm getting the appropriate amount of walking exercise that an adult is supposed to get. I just don't go to the gym and don't stride to make gains or weight loss. I would absolutely love to try to bulk up and become a muscly person who is able to defend herself one day. I would really really like to do that, but for now I'm way too depressed LMAO.

I had to realise that I'm a woman now. I'm 21. I'm not a child anymore. I had to accept that my body wasn't going to magically get rid of its hips. It wasn't going to get rid of its stomach. It wasn't going to magically get rid of its thighs. I had to accept my body as it was and it was really hard to do and it still can be quite hard. But I recognise now that my body is a woman's body and I recognise now that all the women around me have women's bodies, adult human female bodies and they are beautiful and there is absolutely no reason for me to sit around. Wishing I could be fucking stick thin with absolutely no body fat. It is completely unrealistic for my body and the fact that I convinced myself and tried so hard for so long to be. That makes me feel embarrassed even though it isn't embarrassing, and many women suffer with eating disorders.

It breaks my heart how many women have to go through issues with eating disorders and it breaks my heart how many literal children were on ED spaces online. I saw 13-year-olds posting funny and relatable ED memes and I saw them posting their diets and their workouts for that week. It's now unfathomable to me that kids are in these spaces, specifically young girls. I never interacted with those accounts and I would block them right away, but the fact that they existed in the same space that I was in, was and is unnerving.

Anyway, this is all just a long way of saying that radical feminism has helped me accept my natural body. It has helped me learn to love my womanly body. It has helped me love my stomach, my thighs, my curves and it has more so helped me see them in a neutral light, which in my opinion is more important. I don't have to love my body. I don't even want to love my body. I just want to be at peace with myself in this world that is constantly trying to make us hate ourselves. And I think I'm getting there which is really fucking nice. Sorry if there are any spelling errors or gramma errors, I used to text to speech to write this, but I did try to correct everything.💞

#radblr #radfem #radical feminsim #radfemsafe #radfemvent

[basmathgirl]

Hi Basmathgirl!

No socks anon here. Sorry for my delayed answer. It took me a while to finally “force” myself to watch S4/E13. 😭

Thank you so much for your kind reply and the recommendations. Just finished “Best Laid Schemes”. And you were right, I very much enjoyed the entire story. I’m so used to rely on AO3 for fics, that I forgot that there are other/ older sources out there as well.

Like I said, I finally watched episode 13 of season 4. And I’m glad I knew beforehand what to expect. I mean I cried anyway, but if I had watched it without any warning, I would have been a mess afterwards. However as sad as the ending was, I truly enjoyed Donna’s part in the story. Plus the way they ended her story line, gave us all a great starting point for many brilliant fix-it fics. Of course I’m aware of Catherine and David’s return for the 2023 DW special at the ending of last year, so I’m super curious to see what will happen there. Kinda want to watch it immediately. Can I watch it immediately, or would I be completely lost?

Episode 13 included a scene, which confused me a little bit and I hope it is okay to ask for clarification, even though the question involves Rose.

When the Doctor started the alleged regeneration process, Rose cried she didn’t want him to leave her (paraphrasing here). However I always thought when the Doctor regenerates it is just his body, that changes, he still would be the same person (same memories, feelings, personality)? So she wouldn’t literally lose him, he would just change appearances. But maybe I’m wrong and I didn’t understand the regeneration concept correctly? Anyway I was a bit annoyed with her (as usual in my case), because my conclusion after witnessing her reaction was, that for Rose the outward appearance, at least when it comes to the Doctor, is the essential part of her attraction to him.??? Idk, it just irked me in some way.

(And as a side note: It’s kinda funny to me, that they gave Rose the “knock-off Doctor version”.😅

Although while watching episode 13, a part of me theorised for a while, if the Metacrisis Doctor will stay with Donna. But that would have been strange as well, I guess…)

I still have to watch the rest of season 4 though. I’m kinda putting it off again, because I know it is the end for David’s run.😢 Plus I read multiple times now, that the quality of the show will drop for a few seasons. Most people seem to agree that season 9 is the point when it gets better again. (What do you think?) So I’m somewhat cautious when it comes to season 5 and the introduction of a new Doctor.

And I wanted to let you know, that I found more blogs that share my thoughts on River Song, although for the most part they dislike her, because they are of the opinion that Rose should be the one who marries the Doctor. 🙄 I don’t actively hate Rose, for me she is just an annoying part of the show, I try to ignore.

...

I think in the end I’m just sad, that we didn’t get more seasons (at least 3...or 5 or….) of the Doctor Donna duo.

Thanks again for replying and I wish you a nice weekend.☺️

Hellon kind 'no sock' Anon! Good title although I'm worried you don't actually have any socks now...

No problem about any delay, because I've had to take my time to get here to answer you, thanks to a painful week full of migraines. *shrugs* Life just happens liek that sometimes.

Anyway. Yay that you liked the fic! I actually first started reading fanfiction on fanfiction.net; then went to Teaspoon [aka whofic.com], and from author bios on there, moved over to LiveJournal. Stumbling upon the Doctor/Donna com felt like finding a major treasure. So hopefully you'll give those older sources (and their older fics) a go.

Oooh, you have my sympathies about finding Journey's End (episode 13) an emotional event. 🫂It haunted me for ages. As for Rose, I'd always seen their relationship as "teacher-pupil" (and more "parent-child" when she was with the Ninth Doctor) so the whole "luuuuuurve" plotline shook me to the core; so you will have to forgive me for not believing in the Doctor/Rose romance. But she obviously fancied him and his duplicate like crazy - Rose!shippers have posted screenshots of her in that episode ogling the Metacrisis Doctor. It's such a fleeting moment I've never been able to catch it. The point is that many of them acknowledge Rose's flaws and love her anyway. That's true love.

Back to your question; Rose seemed to feel she was owed her prize of the Doctor after crossing dimensions and realities to find him. It must have been an awful lot of work to persuade Pete's World's Torchwood to provide the technology and technicians. Whether we think she should have done, despite being warned by the Doctor that to do so would destroy everything, is another matter. I saw her "You can't" outburst as indignation that she wouldn't get want she had strived so long for. It probably also means "I love THIS you and I don't want you to change"; and Rose often has her immature/selfish moments. Your typical 'only child' selfishness, when you think about it. All this is up for debate, and I might be completely wrong but I was going by the 20 year olds I knew, where everything is strong emotions and continual questions about yourself in the world.

Giving away another highly sentient being as her prize wil always be bizzare to me. If we had seen the Metacrisis Doctor give consent, or them talking it over, I'd have felt better about it. Otherwise, he's virtually handed over as a sex toy her pet human/hamster.

After that, we get the S4 specials. I've never rushed back to watch them again, to be honest. The Next Doctor is almost a Doctor/Rose Victorian AU; I detested Lady Christina in planet of the Dead, but loved Dr Malcolm Taylor (he gets a reference in The Giggle novelisation) and DI McMillan; The Waters of Mars was good and scary, so I recommend that one; and Catherine Tate was seriously underused (as were most of the guest actors) in End of Time. But that's worth watching for the interactions between the Doctor and Wilf. Honestly, seek those bits out. We won't mention that godawful wedding outfit they give Donna, because seriously, whoever decided she should have been put in that look needs shooting. They certainly went for 'ugly as possible'.

As for the 60th anniversary episodes, I'd say go ahead and watch them anyway. There are references to old companions (as you'd expect), a nod towards the last episodes of the Thirteenth Doctor, but you won't miss anything too drastic. The stories play out like any other Doctor Who episode, where you gradually catch up on the plot as you go. And there are loads of great bits.

Hmm. I was so ready to love series 5 and adore Amy. Well, I adored Amelia; the adult Amy was slightly worrying. Why did Moffat choose that job/outfit for her? WHY? Let's just that we weren't impressed by the acting choices. Then again, you might end up absolutely loving Amy - I know many do - but she leaves me cold so don't expect me to join that gang.

I had to double check what happened in series 9 because I'd forgotten *kicks migraines* and can say that's quite a good series. Missy was a great addition, plus Clara had rather outstayed her welcome by the time we reached this series, so I personally wasn't sad to see her go. The Christmas special, The Husbands of River Song, introduced us to the delightful Nardole, and I finally agreed that Doctor/River was plausible. Twelve and River were a pretty good combination, I thought.

Congrats on finding blogs to follow! Hopefully, you will gain loads of new friends along the way. 😊

I too wish we had had more series with Donna as the Doctor's companion; and CT did consider it, on the basis that if DT stayed, so would she. But it was not to be. However, they always say to leave them wanting more, so that certainly worked. I was gagging for thr 60th anniversay specials, and was not left disappointed this time.

It's always lovely to talk to you, despite the interruptions whilst trying to type this out (we had a sudden visitation from my grandsons to enjoy). I hope you have a wonderful weekend too! 😘

#kind Anon #lovely chat #ooh lots to consider #and think over

[lonestvrr]

hi everyone ! i'm veronica ( she / they , 23 , pst ) & a revolution veteran , if you will. i wanna start off with a little fun fact or disclaimer ? , that like oliver & his fc cody , i'm also native american ( but mixed , too ! ) , so i'm taking my own experiences with that & all of the complexities that come with being half white / white passing to this group & with oliver . also , another fun fact about me is that i play six different instruments ! maybe not super well , but i still do & i would love to learn more . ♡

。・ * ☆  ꒰ cody christian.   twenty five.   cis man.   he / him. ꒱        hold your f*** horses !   oliver newell   has just been spotted walking into revolution headquarters. they are best known for being the   singer, mandolin, fiddle & guitar   in   blue ridge rebels   and have been signed with the label for   three years.   they share a lot of interesting things about life in the music industry on their social media, so make sure you don’t forget to follow them at @  olivernewell.  fans know them for being   outspoken  but i swear they’ve got a   loyal   side as well. maybe that explains why they’re always associated with   the rumble of an old truck’s even older engine starting up, the thrill of a friday night football game and being a shoulder to cry on .   stan twitter even voted them most likely to   go to a fan’s prom as their date.   we’ll see how they live up to that reputation.

you know the boys taylor sings about on her debut album and fearless? that's oliver . not literally , but he's the boy girls think of when they hear those songs . for better or for worse .

☆ oliver james newell , known country boy & man of many talents , was born in maine around 25 years ago . he's a proud member of indigenous tribes of the area , though many people don't know that about him at first glance . although he never shies away from this part of him or talking about it .

☆ when he was thirteen , his family moved to tennessee . at fourteen , to georgia . they moved again when he was sixteen , but this time to austin , texas . it was in austin, at some point, in time where oliver first started to take music more seriously.

☆ growing up , he'd played folk music with his family in maine . he'd learned how to sing and play guitar at an early age , probably around 9 . in georgia , he'd had a small group with some school friends -- but they weren't very good . in tennessee , however , is where he'd first picked up the fiddle in another small band .

☆ although it wasn't until texas that oliver actually started to get good at any of these. during his time there, he'd also expanded past music. oliver was on the football team, having played briefly the year before in georgia, although this time, as the quarterback.

☆ college football scouts were always coming to games and his coaches would insist they were only for him . scholarships and college opportunities poured his way in his senior year , but that wasn't his passion . his little country folk band that played on weekends in his garage or at small local venues with crowds of tens of people just trying to enjoy their meal or their beer was his real passion . besides , school was never really the easiest for him , music was . he figured he'd be unhappy at tradtional college and especially having to play football all four years .

☆ so , he followed his gut and ignored the scholarships . he attended community college for two years and received certification and an associates degree in music. his band began to gain traction during this time , and somehow scored a record deal at revolution records .

。・ * ☆ tldr !

☆ moved around a lot ☆ proud indigenous american but also proud country boy ☆ used to play football , but his passion is music ☆ probably a massive swiftie , tbh .

。・ * ☆ quick stats !

traits : outspoken , opinionated , reserved , loyal , humble , creative , determined , talented , self assured , distant , reticent , gregarious , understanding , patient , reckless , shy , quick learner but a little airhead-ed at times . will let you vent to him at anytime and anyplace . will hold the door open for fifty people at a time , if you'll let him . will drive you around and offer to carpool . hopeless romantic & a gentleman . age + sign : twenty five + tbd height + build : 5'10 , tbd orientation + gender : bisexual , cis man ( he / him ) . likes : tbd . dislikes : tbd .

。・ * ☆ wanted connections !

☆ fellow band members !! pls whether they've both been there the entire time with oliver or if they're more recent additions is up to you !! <33 ☆ family / childhood friends oliver moved around a lot , so potentially this could work for something there ? ☆ a staff bestie pls ☆ touring band members ? he can't play everything by himself on stage , probably . but he'd probably try . ☆ anything & everything ... gimme gimme gimme <33

。・ * ☆ spotify & mock blog !

#revolution.intro #will work on my tags later !!! promise <3

[braindead-virtually-tv]

You've been making jokes, but I genuinely want to know what you think of the whole Punk situation

Oh yeesh, this is gonna be a whole thing.

I'd like to pre-face this by saying, no one is going to know what went on backstage this weekend for 100% other than the people involved, reports from 'sources' and second hand accounts are never going to accurate and can be easily twisted.

I should probably also explain that I have no attachment to Punk, nostalgic or otherwise. He was around when I did watch wrestling years ago, I liked him but he was far from any sort of favourite. By the time of the Pipebomb & Summer of Punk I had completely tuned out of wrestling. The next time I had actually heard CM Punk's name was during his, less than stellar, UFC run.

If this is not a work, which to other people's annoyence is the stance I believe, then I don't think it really surprises me. Punk's always been like this in one way or another. Now, don't get me wrong, I am confident that some of his grievances he has aired about his time in WWE were true. You'll never catch me flanking for a company, no matter the company. However I take issue with the fact that he wasn't 'pushed enough'. Man held that top title for ages, was insanely over and the top guy for while. The whole thing over other stars, namely Cena & The Rock main eventing WM is moot to me. We the wrestling community, are a niche group. We were never, and never will be, WWEs target audience. WWEs income doesn't come from the likes of us, so why try and make a, notably very fickle community, happy? No matter who was in that supposed top spot at that time was always going to have to play second fiddle to two Legends who has more mainstream appeal than literally anyone else. To pile on comments that Punk had made through the years, his claims that he was mistreated by WWEs doctors were proven in court to be at best, exaggerated and at worst, false.

Punk has made his bed appealing to the niche community of those who think their smarter than the business. Fans who read Dirtsheets, know the history and in some small cases think they know the industry better than industry professionals. Maybe to Punk's detriment, it's went to his head and drank the Koolaid of the IWC. It lead to an entitled attitude that for a small part isn't unwarranted, he's always been talented, but has made him quite the egomaniac.

I actually tuned in to that first Rampage where Punk returned. And for a good five minutes I was in awe. It seemed like an amazing moment.

Until he opened his mouth.

Instead of having an amazing return, he chose again to appeal to the people who've been feeding his ego and it was clearly evident that this man hadn't changed. And instead of wanting to be in AEW because he loved wrestling so much, as he claimed, he was there for spite and spite alone. It was clear to me that the people around him wouldn't benefit from having this long-awaited star in this company and Punk would stop at nothing to 'stick it to the man'.

There are people in AEW who have been negatively affected by Punk, both previous to his start with the company and during it.

So to be honest, I'm not surprised something like this hasn't happened earlier. This is my own opinion and baseless speculation, but I think Cody Rhodes saw the writing on the wall.

I think AEW's lack of structure doesn't help this either. In hopes of setting themselves apart from their competitors, they've stuck too many cooks in the kitchen so to speak. And that, only three years in, is coming to bite them in the ass.

The second option, the one that is a little less likely to me, is that this is all a work. Which tbh, I think is a lot worse for AEWs standing.

It would be very easy to put the blame on one man if this was all not a work. But for this to be a work AEW are putting themselves in the position to look like absolute fools. AEW have had a success in way by making some stories feel all that more real by blending kayfabe and reality. Which can be an amazing thing if done right. However making your company look like the inmates run the asylum is driving even their more devoted part of their fan base away. It gets to a point where you think, 'Is this all worth it for a cheap pop?'. And even if it was a work, it goes to show that Punk will continue to want to overshadow everyone else to the apparent detriment of others. Ironically becoming something he had previously denounced.

So yeah that's all I've got on the Punk situation. I'm probably gonna get some flack but I don't think I've ever really shied away from my own opinion for the sake of others. This was nearly an fucking essay though, so other than making light-hearted joke, this is probably the last time I'm going to speak on this (but don't quote me on that).

#ask #anon #aew #cm punk

[archangelmacaron]

NTMF College AU Chapter 20

Short and sweet (literally) chapter for your weekend. Things get much darker soon ;-; I'll try to do appropriate warnings.

Thanks for stickin' with me on this journey!

-

“Noel.”

“Blurgh...” She opened her eyes just a sliver, then shut them again, burrowing further under the blankets and against the very warm object her sleepy mind recognized was probably Caron, who was also probably the one talking to her. She let out a deep sigh, trying to drift back to sleep.

“Noel, wake up. You have a message.”

“... it can wait...”

“You have no way of knowing that. It may be important. Please get up.”

She yawned, feeling unusually childish as she refused to leave her warm tent. “But I don't wanna get outta bed yet...”

“Are you quite certain of that?”

“Of course... lemme sleep...”

“Oh, no. You can remain in bed if you like, but you are certainly not going to sleep.”

Eh...? Whas...sat supposed to mean...

She slowly began to blink her eyes open and quickly found out what that meant as something very soft brushed her neck so lightly she shivered, biting her lip slightly at how pleasant it felt... but then, something else slid up from the hem of her shirt to her hip—and wiggled.

She shrieked, instantly wide awake and sitting up in struggle to escape from the tickling. She'd almost gotten away when she was pulled back into a much calmer embrace from behind, where she could feel Caron's laughter against her.

“Th-there are other ways of waking people up, you know!” she scolded, putting her arms around his and squeezing them before relaxing into his lap. Her heart was still racing, but it wasn't from alarm anymore.

“I had a few other ideas, but I thought we should get to know each other a bit better before that.”

“N-not what I was referring to at all!”

I am not certain that I even know what that is referring to but I am quite certain I am not ready to find out!

“Anyways, the message...?" He reminded her of why she'd been woken up.

“Y-yes of course! I'm awake!” She yawned again, not feeling awake at all as he handed her the phone, and she squinted at it a moment. “It's from Jillian—you could have read it, to judge its importance yourself.”

And let me sleep in!

He shook his head. “I'm not going to read your private correspondence.”

“You read my diary!”

“That's a bit different. Your diary did not have any particular opinion on me, whereas Jillian was rather clear on hers.”

Oh... that's very... respectful of him. He really is thinking of other people more, just because I said that it mattered to me...

I truly wish he and Jillian could get along...

She opened the message, her frown reappearing.

Noel, I'm at the Performance Hall now. Nobody else is here, probably because there's a power outage and it's so foggy out. My idea was stupid, I can't even read any of these books... Can you please come meet me? I want to talk to you a bit more... I don't think I listened very well last night, and I'm regretting that. I'm sorry I was so rude to Caron, too... if you trust him, there's a reason, right? I'm just so scared...

“She wants to meet up and talk!" Noel's eyes lit up a moment. Maybe we can work things out after all?

Another thought struck her, and her frown reappeared.

"But why doesn't she come back here, then...” She looked up at Caron, needing to lean a little back in order to do so. He still held her securely. His eyes were narrowed as she held up the screen to him.

“We'll be heading there anyways.” He glanced down at her, his expression serious. “You do not believe she would participate in any kind of ambush, do you?”

Noel shook her head vigorously. “No, not if I would be involved in any way. You'd be attacked on sight as a devil, but then I would be in danger at your side. Jillian wouldn't tolerate that. She'd be trying to lure only you, I think, but it is difficult to separate us.”

“It is.” His arm tightened around her, but he didn't look away from the screen. She could tell he was thinking deeply.

“Jillian has a hard time lying to me, as you witnessed this morning, so I don't think she has anything planned except for what she's said, that she wishes to meet up and talk.” She frowned up at him. “What should I say?”

Caron's eyes narrowed further, and he held her just a little bit closer—it didn't seem like he'd realized he was doing it. “Say what you think is best. I'll go along with whatever you decide for now.”

“Right...” Noel thought for another moment before she responded, deciding on honesty. I trust Jillian more than anyone else. I know we can work together if I can just explain things to her so she understands, and if she's willing to give Caron a chance. It sounds like she is!

We'll be heading that way shortly. Please don't worry, he understands that your only concern is my safety. If we all talk together, I know we can come to an understanding!

“I wonder if Fugo's still with her,” Noel said as she pressed send. “I would like to check in with Oscar as well—what time is it? Ah, not even seven? So he's still working...”

I could have used a lot more sleep...

“I apologize for waking you up, but I was not sure if this would be important. I am not currently decided on if it was or not...” She got the impression he was still frowning in thought. She leaned back against him. He was so warm.

“No, it's not your fault, I'm more... annoyed at the situation I am in.” She let out a sigh as she looked up at him. Besides rest, I wanted to spend more time with you here... I think it is my turn to press on your boundaries to see how they have relaxed!

Ah, what a silly, selfish thought that is! I thought that understanding that I am attracted to him, and that I really like him, would have made me stop feeling so foolish when he touches me, distracting me from all of the real problems I must face... but now I just... want him to touch me more...

Her phone vibrated in her hand again.

The main roads are a little busier than I thought. You might wanna cut through the forest using the Gorge Trail.

“That's a solid suggestion. I don't think we'll run into anyone there. There was a heavy rain a few weeks ago that washed out half of the trail—but the part we'd be using will be fine. Most people would use the main road, I think, especially in this kind of fog.”

Now that it was getting a bit lighter out, she could see that the windows were looking out into pure white. It should be easy to hide in this... but part of me worries that others might think the same thing.

“Let's do that, then.” Caron loosened his grip on her, reaching back for her prosthetics. Noel typed up another message quickly.

Sounds good. See you soon! And thank you for everything, Jillian, I truly appreciate you. You really are my one and only best friend.

Caron handed her both prosthetics, then was quiet for a long moment. “Noel.”

“Yes?” She looked up from where she was attaching a leg.

He seemed to be choosing his words very carefully. “I know that you trust Jillian, and your logic, based on her past behavior, dictates that she will put protecting you first, even if the way she does it is against your own will. But you must be aware that she might betray you against her own will. She could be manipulated, or even held hostage. We need to be exceedingly cautious. Do not believe that everything she tells you is unquestionably true.”

Noel looked away from him, her brow furrowing. “... I understand.”

He stood up, and when she next looked up he was fully dressed again—how does he keep doing that? She stood up and stretched, then paused.

“Um, Caron... are you certain it's a good idea for us to go, then?” She bit her lip before continuing. “If we are walking into a trap...”

He was making a strange expression—as if he was internally warring with himself. She frowned as he finally answered, “No. We need to get there anyways.”

He paused, tapping his chin. “Text Fugo. He was going with her. I would assume if he had witnessed anything... untoward happening to her, he would have already contacted you, but let's see if he backs up her story. That would mean it's either true, or he's working with her—“

“—Or he is in the same situation as she, if she were... being forced to text me...” Noel thought for a moment before typing out a text to Fugo.

Fugo, are you with Jillian?

She was surprised when he began to video call her in response. She made a troubled face as she answered. Ah, I forgot how much he hates texting!

She tried to sound casual and cheerful. “H-hello, good morning, Fugo!”

“Mornin' Noe—what the hell are you wearin'? No, nevermind, I don't even wanna know." He ran his free hand through his messy hair. "What's up?”

“I um, just received a text from Jillian, and wanted to know if you were still together, that's all.”

“She finally texted ya, huh? I told her to a while ago. We're at the same place, just not together at this exact moment.” He moved the phone to show a foggy parking lot, and the Performance Hall behind him. “I'm just waitin on Os to arrive to chew me out and get his keys back. Bike probably, too... Jillian's inside. We found the books, but I don't think we can read any.”

He grinned. “So I'm gonna have to kick that guy's ass the old fashioned way.”

“I would greatly prefer that you did not,” Noel said before Caron, standing out of view of the phone, could interject. “Have you run into anyone else?”

“Nope. Ghost town out here. Seems there's a power outage, nothin's workin in the Hall itself, and none of the streetlights seem to be on despite this fog. Pretty dangerous for people to be out and about, so it's perfect. You guys comin' down here?”

Noel hesitated briefly before responding. “We are... Fugo, can we please put a truce on this at least until we know why my life is in danger?"

He sighed. "Listen, Noel..."

She interrupted. "Fugo, think on it logically. Once again, I have been alone with Caron, and you can clearly see that he has not harmed me—“

“That's his shirt, isn't it?” Fugo closed one eye in a scowl.

“Wh-what does that have to do with anything?” She was sure she was making a very unladylike face. Why did I not finish getting dressed before answering?

His frown grew a bit worse. “Y'all do it last night?”

“Fugo!”

“I'm just saying, Noel, you can be harmed without realizing it when it's happening. Bein' in one piece is only partial proof he isn't hurting you, or planning to.” Fugo's face was serious. Noel bit her lip again.

He must be getting the impression that Caron is toying with my emotions...

“I understand, Fugo, but please, just for now, trust me—trust my instincts on this. I would like to at least be able to make it to the Hall to speak with Jillian without worry that you are going to attack us.”

He looked away, seeming almost like he was pouting, for a moment. “... yeah, I can hold off for a bit. That'll change if I witness him doing anything fucked up.”

He looked over his shoulder. “Ah, gotta go, Noel, here comes Os in the campus golf cart... Heh, he looks pissed. What a pain... See ya soon!”

He ended the call. Noel sighed, then looked back up at Caron. “Does that answer anything?”

“I do not believe Fugo has the intelligence to lie, so—”

“Caron!” The unladylike face was back. “You have no reason to dislike him so—“

“He does not like me, either—” Caron had crossed his arms and now he looked a bit pouty.

“Because he is worried about me! You are acting like a jea—” she cut herself off before she could finish the sentence.

“Oh? I'm a... ?” He had a slight warning note in his tone, as if he were daring her to finish the phrase. It gave the impression that actually saying it out loud might push things a little further than she was ready for.

She shook her head, feeling extra flustered. “It—it does not matter! Please, just try to get along... for me?”

“I can promise only to treat him with the same courtesy he extends to me.”

“Then I shall have another, similar conversation with him again.” Noel sighed again. “Allow me to get dressed, and we can get going.”

“I would rather we were doing the exact opposite, but if we must...”

It took her a few seconds to process what he had meant by that; she could feel her face slowly burning hotter as it sunk in. “C-caron! Do not say such things—”

“Would you rather I simply did such things?” The mischievous face was back.

“No! Ah, my goodness, you will be the death of me—"

HIs face changed slightly at the phrase.

"Ah, human expression, I apologize. That's a bit... too...” She cringed slightly. He stepped forward and placed his hand on her head gently.

“I understood what you meant. Go get ready.”

She nodded, then reached up and took his hand in hers, giving it a quick squeeze before she headed towards the bathroom with her clothes over her arm.

#fanfic

[booperbeanv3]

IDK IF I COUNT AS A MUTUAL BUT PLEASE INFORM ME ABT THE AU YOU SPEAK OF,,,,, I’m running out of writing ideas (lie)

basically it's a teen-sitcom-style modern au. title is a work in progress but i've been thinking of writing out myself bc i just think it would be really funny

tankoubon kinda thing with a backing plot [when will the gays get together] but it's mostly just banter: the novel

ages are. idk yet but susato is probably early to mid teens and kazuma/ryuunosuke are late teens [they're deaged bc the 7 year age difference would mean either susato is super young or asoryuus are too old for funnie teen shit]

protag/pov chara is susato bc i think it would be funny. the story starts at some sorta out-of-context asoryuu bit and the whole "freeze. let's rewind to the ACTUAL beginning" thing happens

[exposition below]

a few weeks ago kazuma came back from school after the speech competition he was preparing for for a while. he is absolutely livid. sorta at everything, mostly himself bc he flubbered up the last bit and "Will Forever Bear The Shame On His Shoulders" [basically normal canon]

he starts ranting about how his "guaranteed win" is now no longer guaranteed ["oh that's a shame you're very clear and reasonable about your opinions" "ik susato but let me finish"] and that instead of him some... guy ended up getting the lead instead

this. didn't make him mad actually. he just felt really intense during the whole thing

like yeah he had a good speech and the way he spoke was pleasing to listen to. he has a smooth way of speaking that goes really nicely over the ear. but seriously? he would've totally done better if he didn't fuck up

so then he's like "there is something about him that's sticking out to me and it bothers me because he is [quite literally] SO boring. he bothers me so much and every time i pass by him i have this urge"

"to what?"

"to... i don't know. i think i hate him"

cue susato internal facepalm. "maybe talk to him about it"

"yeah i'll give him a piece of my mind"

and cue next day after school where he does the stupid "why do you speak like that" and ryuu even stupider goes "it's a hobby. speaking fast" and they instantly gel and kazuma never brings ryuunosuke up to susato again until he suddenly comes to their house

to kazuma it's cool bc ryuunosuke wants to see his sword or w/e hey look susato SOMEONE thinks i'm not clinging onto old hopes

but susato is like. "isn't this the guy you wanted to maim and kill two weeks ago"

back to the present. that's all i have down that's clear

i imagine that susato and rei would have regular talks about random things. school, home, other friends, kazuma. eventually this distant fruitiness will ping into susato's head and she'll bring it up to rei

this starts a tumbling snowball where as asoryuus develop more and susahaos keep chitter chattering kazuma and susato realise they gave the gay to each other

they always had suspicions about the other but never themselves

kazuma probably figures it out first though and after that susato is like "shit maybe i do like rei" and then is like "but i'm not a pretty bishounen charmer! how will we ever be more than friends" and pov Susato Goes Masc [ryuutarou]

i literally have no idea what to do with ryuutarou but i'll figure it out

other funny things to include:

ryuunosuke has archery club outside of school on weekends and falls asleep with the guard on hence why he wears it all the time

karuma still exists and is old as balls. idk if kazuma still carries her around all the time bc i don't think you can wave big swords around school hallways [regardless on its family heirloom status] so it's probably in his room somewhere perfectly cared for and regularly used for training

this is 70% of the reason why he has no friends [he is feared or made fun of this is a 50/50 divide]

susato is still a devout fan of herlock sholmes, legendary british detective who is still alive bc yuujin is. there'll probably be a chapter where he comes to [country] and she's super excited and gets her books signed while ryuunosuke casually goes "oh yeah we're good friends he stumbled upon us when asougi passed out" and yuujin is super super casual with sholmes and yeah her dad fucked herlock sholmes

"were all those business trips to the UK because you were fornicating with mr. sholmes answer me honestly"

lastly i imagine asoryuus and susahaos share the same link about super Super gay best friends [ryuu and rei] and their oblivious partners [kazuma and susato]

that's all i have planned. susato would be a wingwoman but honestly kazuma seems fiery enough to stumble into this whole thing by accident and make a whole plan on how to maximise ryuunosuke time bc "the intense feeling hasn't gone away and i need to look through things further" and oh. ohhhhh it's because- pov relationship blossoms.

susahaos are a little more blurry but i want to make them important too it is GUARANTEED [literally susato is the protagonist]

yeah

#dgs #bean stuff #bean answers

[bearpillowmonster]

Today's got me all twisted up. So about a week ago, I learned that someone stole my Best Buy account and was buying and picking stuff up at Best Buys around Northern US. I had to shut it down and get a new credit card and dispute the transactions. Luckily, it didn't reach my bank, it was a credit card that I had on there but I go on Paypal today (which should be entirely unconnected) and see that there's a new billing address. I look it up and it's this dinky little house in Alabama. How would that get there? So now I have to figure out if someone got into that too.

Over the weekend, my sister went to a mall with my grandma and I've made previous posts about her but this is on a little bit of a different level. She's reflecting her husband's personality and adopting his habits, she's nothing like the way I remember her. This is coming from my sister who makes stuff up but the stuff she says seems to make sense in this context.

I'm gonna pop a spoiler here because I want it known that I don't want chastised for this, critique it all you want but please respect my opinion.

When I was a kid, my family made their best effort not to cuss, my grandpa, grandma, mom, even uncle, nobody did no such thing around me as far as I remember. I think my stepdad was the one that made me aware of a lot of them when I got past double digits. Cuss words exist, I get it, they probably said things that I've never heard, I'm sure everyone has and I see different family dynamics where they use cuss words and that's their family but for my little old grandma to suddenly come out and start cussing after years of my mom not even hearing it when she was a kid? Let alone in front of my siblings? It's not like her, it's not what she's doing, it's that she only does this because that's what her husband does.

The big kicker is that (I don't even know what brought it up) but she doesn't consider herself religious now?? You gave up religion for your alcoholic husband? She responded with "I have to believe it to see it."

She's someone that took me to her church before, she's well known there. She used to go on Wednesdays and Saturdays (catholic I guess) and participated in those dinners they held and would donate to them. And suddenly someone comes along and says they don't believe in that and you drop everything? I actually don't know what he believes because he's a drunk but I can't imagine it's much more than her from what I've seen.

Then the little remarks "Me and your mom are going to listen to each other from now on." And do what? When? And my sister actually pointed this out to her "That lasted real long." It's almost like she's trying to win the favor of these kids but also not really trying. "I'm not going to go to the beach for a whole year." way to to applaud a fish for swimming but what's the end game? You didn't clarify a reason so it doesn't count and you know that's not going to happen so why promise it? It's not like she'd use that time with us anyways. And she asks everyone "Are you coming over for Thanksgiving?" That was never a question before, it was a given, the only question was "what time?" but this time, she asked everyone individually, it's like she knows that something's different and honestly I'm not sure if she cares one way or the other.

But one thing hasn't changed, she loves to complain, loves to gossip, even does so to my sister about a bartender she's apparently friends with enough to babysit her dogs. But the problem with this is that, that's all she does. There's no break in between, there's no nice thing said to break pace or crack a joke like my own household does but she literally lives for its toxicity. So why is she still with these people? My sister actually asked this and her response was "Because he needs me."

Like what favor are you doing babysitting alcoholics, you're not helping them get better, you're just along for the ride, the drama, I know, I've been there, I dated someone who did similar things, my own sister does it, it must just be a girl thing, I don't know. "I'll leave if he drinks again." like I've heard for the past 4 years where he inevitably does drink again either in secret or a week later when he's in the hospital and can't move and nothing is done about it. If he was trying, I'd understand, addiction is horrible, but he's not.

But this is a lot to blame on one person because I think it's actually more than that now that I've had a day to process. I saw my uncle at the gas station, truck mirror still busted up from years ago (it's not an old truck either) facial hair all over his face (he'd never grow it out) hasn't been heard from in a while (not that I really blame him) and he walks out with a case of beer. He's probably a heavy alcoholic now too, it just looks like he's been letting himself go just like everyone else around me.

And really, I imagine it's because he's alone. He talks about this mysterious "Sean" that I've never even seen, every time I see him, he mentions his kids birthday parties, camping trips, fishing, everything you could think of. I went on "Sean"'s Facebook page, curious one day and there's not one picture of them together.

You see after my grandpa died, I remember my mom asking about her stopping going to church because it seemed out of the blue and she said that "he was more catholic than I was" or something along those lines and those spaghetti dinners and donations and participation and friends, stopped, she stopped them over time, little by little. Now, I'm not going to be hypocritical here, I don't really do those things, not necessarily because I don't want to but because I haven't found my place in world yet and she seemed to have it right on her lap.

My uncle also participated in this, he was right along side my grandparents but once she was out, so was he, he too lost his place because then everyone associates him with his mother despite going to church longer than she was, he might even still be going, like I said, I barely see him, he's an uncle but it didn't always used to be that way.

To hear that my grandma said that just really sets it in because I don't know what to do. She put herself in this situation and she acts like she enjoys hating it. I don't want to give up on her but I keep asking that she be shown the light here, for her own sake. I believe that my grandpa is in heaven, doesn't she want to see him again? Or is she ashamed of what she's become and is avoiding him. What if I die and make it to heaven but find out she's not there. It's just a surreal feeling that I certainly don't want because no matter what problems we have here in mortality, they won't transcend into death.

And the other thing that bugs me is that everyone acts the same. Like it's just another thing. How is my mom, who showed me what religion is, not worried? How is my dad- well actually, I'm not sure he could do anything either, his lectures aren't always effective but I don't know if she thinks God somehow failed her because my grandpa wasn't cured of his disease but he sure lived longer than the doctors said he would and that's all I could've asked for. Time is time, I came to terms with that, I came to terms with the idea that he's no longer hurting, that's my reasoning, I've told her my reasoning and while it's one thing to lose a grandpa and another to lose a life long companion, she acts like she moves on so quickly but she doesn't let herself breathe which I've also told her. It just makes me re-evaluate the idea of family, how do you deal with people that you don't know anymore. (coming from someone who believes in change)

[maganne-bonete]

Life and interest update ramble that no one asked for: General

And I'll probably make more for a while on a variety of topics

So I've been having, not necessarily stressful, but stress induced couple of days. It's hard for me to pinpoint but I think it's me getting overwhelmed with things. Partly my fault because of dumb decisions I've made for the past couple of weeks, and it's called going through the Youtube comment section.

But that's not necessarily the worst thing. It's more of, me deciding to air out opinions abt online celebrities in twitter dot com more than anything 'cause stans are some of the weirdest people on earth and one of them tried using my age as a gatcha for telling them off for being parasocial about a bunch of people's relationship. But anw, that doesn't really bother me anymore 'cause the twitter side of that fanbase just proved themselves to be the worse kind of fans for literally trying to emotionally manipulate their CC.

BUT, other than that, I guess it's also the reminder that I'm running out of time.

Earlier this year I wanted to get myself "prepared" for coming back to school. I took another leave to take care of my sister this time. Around last year's April she almost died after a fatal allergic reaction to an antibiotic. It left her severely disabled so I had to help her out.

In effort of trying to "prepare" myself I tried doing "productive" things like drawing, gardening, language learning, or generally cleaning up more. Which honestly, not that bad. I always considered gardening as one of my healthy hobbies. Doing more art is important for my field in the future. Generally doing other chores like putting my clothes away and cleaning up make-up brushes will be beneficial for me in the long run. I tried relearning french although it was very little like idk colors and numbers and such, but it's honestly barely anything.

But by the time it hit April I just got burned out ? And I thought, okay I'll be more productive by May. But would you look at that? It's already the end of May. And I haven't picked up a stylus, pencil, gardening sheers, or even downloaded duolingo. (Although I also have theories regarding this part of the year 'cause my mood tend to start shifting around this period)

But other than those things, I also tried writing again around those months 'cause writing has been such a struggle for me for the past few years for some reason. Like I use to write a lot but it just got difficult for me. And I NEED to get good at writing in general, fiction or non-fic, because I'll need it for college. But hey, last night I was able to write 600+ in one session over a fictional piece and I consider that a win.

Another thing that should've been something considered productive that I've been putting off was signing myself up for a comprehensive psychological evaluation. It was something I should've considered earlier in the year but the idea of leaving the house to go to Manila was always troubling for me at that time. For the past year I could barely leave the house so I could look after my sister. It wasn't really that bad. I'm fine with staying around the proximity of our house. But this year she has improved a lot and could even go to the bathroom by herself. But even then, I kept holding it off and now June's coming around the corner.

I think it's partly because I have this mindset of "I'm better compared to last year since I don't want to die anymore" but even then I still have OCD symptoms. I also still have really bad anxiety from time to time and I tend to get paranoid too. All of this is bad and are still problems that do bother me every other day. And honestly, out of everything "productive" I need to do before the semester starts, this should have been at the top of the list.

So I should probably get to it within the weekend, at least. And not get distracted with other things. I really really need to do that.

#marge's stuff #marge's life rambles #tw suicide ideation #tw death mention #let me know if there's anything else that needs to be tagged

[ivytan]

Journal#3 Family & Significant Relationship

Part A

I would say my father had the most significant impact on me, since when I was a child, he is the one who is taking care of my school works. He also has high expectations on me since I’m the eldest and I am the role model for my siblings. He is also the one who let me have the courage to accept my scores even though it’s low because whenever I failed a test, he wouldn’t get angry at me. Instead, he would comfort us and tell us to do better next time. He would also tell us to look for our mistakes and learn about them.

Aveline is one of the people that I felt very close with. We sometimes chat about life and the stress that we are having right now. We also have a lot of conversations that I didn’t have with my parents. We also support and help each other whenever one of us needs the other. During the pandemic, I transferred school to China. I thought that we would have less contact since we are on a different school, and in China, I am allowed to go back home only at weekends. However, we still remain the same as before. Although the conversation is lesser, we would still share our daily lives and the difficulties we are coming through. I really feel grateful to have a friend like her since she really helped me a lot. I’m looking forward to meeting her after the pandemic.

I spend most of my time with my friends especially when we are having classes. We would help each other with school works or share the interesting things we find in class. We literally chat everyday since there are always things to share in class. Moreover, we really need help from each other since there are a lot of things to discuss at school.

I would say that Aveline has impacted me the most since we would discuss a lot about the future. She is a calm and realistic person. Most of the time, I would ask for her suggestion since her advice is really helpful. We would discuss about our ideas and understanding of a thing, then we made decisions about it. She is a trustworthy and reliable friend, whenever I’m with her, I felt a sense of security.

Part B

From what my group mates have shared, I felt that we have a lot of similarities. One example is that all our parents indeed expect us to be successful, but beyond that, they want us to be happy in our lives. No matter if you are the eldest, middle, youngest, or only child, parents have the same expectation on us. For the difference, I would say that my parents would give me higher expectations since I'm the eldest. However, they don't give me a lot of pressure, instead, they just want me to do my best and just be happy.

I would say that the eldest child in the family has more responsibility than the other child since they need to become independent at an early age. However, it might also be different since once a child reaches an age, they would also have responsibility. In my opinion, birth order doesn't really affect much to our personal development. In my belief, the environment has more impact on their personal development.