#I'm just super stressed and way behind in school and when stuff starts getting like this my first reaction is to *.✧self isolate*.✧

[lunaa007]

Astrology observations #3

These are my personal observations and should be taken in the context of the whole chart, never isolated 😊

Some of this is 18+, no minors allowed

♦️Mars-Uranus aspects can indicate a liking for risky activities and extreme sports, like motorcycling or base jumping. They can even like to put themselves in danger as they need the adrenaline. Routine is super boring for them, they need to try new things very often. They should be careful to release this nervous energy with sports, work they're passionate about or things like that or it can backfire. This aspect can be tempered down with Saturn aspects or a lot of earth energy in the chart.

♦️Venus square mars aspect: can often be mean to the person they like, classic "if he pulled your hair it's because he likes you" stuff. Can be very passionate, might have difficulty to separate feelings from lust. They might have talent for artistic sports like dancing or ice skating. For women, they might like a more sporty fashion style.

♦️Sun-saturn aspects: especially for harsh ones, this can really change the expression of the sun sign. I know someone with sun and several planets in Leo, but they are all square to Saturn and you could never tell she's a Leo; she is very reserved, shy and restrained in life. But as with all Saturn aspects this can change with age, the personality coming through more and more while keeping an amazing sense of discipline, wisdom and grounding.

♦️Moon-uranus aspects: with harsh aspects (conjunction, square, opposition), the mother might have been emotionally cold during the childhood, and she might have been a bit erratic and unpredictable. This could have showed up as frequently moving places, or having a mother considered weird or crazy by society. With soft aspects like trine or sextile this could show up as an untraditional family, maybe having two fathers or two mothers, or parents very into technology, but this was not hard on the person and it helped them develop their individuality and independence.

♦️Taurus mercury: these people can learn much slower than other people (this does not mean they are not as intelligent, their rhythm is just different). At school they might have felt behind their schoolmates or felt like they didn't have enough time to finish their exams/homework. It is important that they don't feel bad about this and take the time they need to do their work. This might be less strong with Uranus influence on mercury. ♦️ Aquarius moon natals and their need to always read and watch self-development content without ever actually feeling their feelings 🙃

♦️ Venus conjunct moon: these people are so kind, they have such a big heart and do not wish harm on anyone, please stay mindful of who has access to you as many people might want to be in contact with this energy but sometimes also energy vampires.

♦️ Mercury conjunct/square pluto and their dark humor! I have this in my chart and one of my colleagues actually said to me three days after she started: "your jokes can be really dark sometimes" 😂 it gets worse when I'm tired as I don't filter my jokes so much before saying them. These aspects might also think a lot about death and dark themes, they can be the type to think "what happens if I die tomorrow", or "I could die if I do this" but not in a worried way, just thinking rationally about what is possible.

♦️ Leo mars women and their secret backup plan of becoming a stripper or an exotic dancer 💃 these women often have a talent for dancing, and performing can make them feel desired and confident.

♦️ Aries moon/mars placements and their road rage! Both my parents have these placements and my god the number of stressful rides to school I had when I was a child 😂 this can also apply to the other fire mars.

♦️ Lilith conjunct ascendant: these people often provoke reactions everywhere they go, they rarely go unnoticed whether it is positive reactions or negative. The women with this aspect might get sexualised a lot, and the men with this aspect might attract animosity from other men. ♦️ Sun-jupiter and moon-jupiter aspects: they might always see the bright side of things, "it will get better", "this is temporary", seeing the glass half-full. A lot of optimism, faith in a higher meaning, maybe too optimistic sometimes and too trusting that things will unfold in the right way.

♦️Mars square pluto women often attract creepy men on the street, interactions with aggressive men might be unfortunately common. It is important to not repress their anger and channel their power in something like martial arts.

♦️Gemini moon/IC: they might love to talk with their loved ones at home, a lot of communication and learning in their private life. If they live alone they might be a lot on the phone or always have music or tv or radio on.

♦️Mercury square saturn: they might doubt their intellectual abilities when young, their learning style might not fit the classic school system. It is important that they are encouraged by their family, and with time they will gain confidence and master the learning techniques that fit them best.

♦️Mars in virgo might care too much about pleasing their partner in bed and have a hard time receiving pleasure without giving anything. They might also feel self-conscious if they do not feel "clean" like not fresh out of the shower. It is important for them to practice letting go of their thoughts and doubts and be present in their body. They deserve pleasure as much as everybody else!

♦️ Jupiter in the 2nd house might have a very good self-esteem, if the moon and venus are not too afflicted. And if it is the case it helps the native deal with the harder aspects.

♦️ That's why it is so dangerous to interpret an  aspect in isolation of the rest of the chart, a challenging aspect might be very beneficial in a chart and less in another one. For instance moon conjunct saturn might be more challenging for a Capricorn moon which is already quite controled and closed off, but in the sign of Aries it might help the native tame their impulsivity and control better their emotions. 

♦️ Or moon square Uranus might be beneficial for a Capricorn moon or a Taurus moon as it might help them break out of their routine and become more adaptable and flexible to change.

Thank you for reading!

@lunaa007

#astro notes #astro observations #astro placements #astrology #astro posts #jupiter #pluto #uranus #planets #Jupiter in the 2nd #mars uranus #mars in virgo #mercury square saturn #gemini moon #gemini ic #mars square pluto #sun jupiter #moon jupiter #lilith #lilith conjunct ascendant #aries moon #aries mars #leo mars #mercury pluto #mercury conjunct pluto #Aquarius moon #taurus mercury #venus conjunct moon #venus square mars #sun saturn

[c0smoshit]

Hello fellow Cloud Strife freak 🫡

(Yes it’s the same star_sworn from ao3 lol)

If you’re feeling in the mood for it in your last week before school, I was hoping to request a nsfw fem reader/Cloud fic where he is possessive/jealous, and he spanks reader: a LOT. Both before sex (with extensive foreplay, lots of dirty talk, maybe oral for him?) and during sex. Just spanking with hands please, and not super hard spanks either, I'm very vanilla lol. It's not about hurting her, it's more a possessive thing for Cloud (and an ass thing lol!). But reader is SUPER into it. I'm not looking for any hardcore dom/sub or anything, just stuff a committed couple would do (some soft dom vibes, like in Mind Cloud/ed).

Maybe it’s the first time he does it and they both realize how much they both like it, or maybe they’ve come home from a party where the guys were checking out his girl and he is feeling possessive/frustrated. I leave it to you if you want to take this request!

I look forward to the filth. Let's give this ass man something to do with his hands… 😉

Also best of luck with school starting!!

I LOVE THIS omg

Thanks for this delicious request love 😻♡♡

Jealousy ミ★

⋆ ࣪. ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 ≫ Cloud Strife/fem!reader

⋆ ࣪. 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 ≫ smut!, p in v, spanking, few hints of dacryphilia, bjs, sexy hour Cloud ;), not proofread!

⋆ ࣪. 𝔸/ℕ ≫ I'm baack! I hope u guys missed me hehe

⋆ ࣪. 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥 ≫ 2.321

He was closer to you this night, walking right beside you as he guided you to your appartment, his hand brushing over yours as the dark path consumed your vision.

He was quiet too, way more than usual. His eyes didn't seem as if they were trying to search your own ones like they would always do.

Maybe he was stressed out?

This week has been a long one and you could see it on his eyes, he was tired. As time grew older, you had managed to read his enigmatic emotions quite well, so you thought that maybe he just needed to rest for tonight.

But your theory was quickly proven wrong as you entered your home, ready to wave him goodbye for the night.

. . .

Before you could even turn around, his chest had enveloped your back, pushing you further into your appartment until your hands met the wall.

His husky breathing hit your ear, a shockwave of goosebumps trickled your skin.

Why was he that needy all of the sudden??

Your mind circled around lots of different questions but the harsh sound of the door closing made you jump.

You didn't dare to open your mouth, not yet. You could feel his hands on your waist, but they didn't caress you like he always would, like when he touched you for the first time.

You internally cracked a small smile at the memory, he was just as nervous and fidgety as you were.

The moonlight encased both of your bodies as he took off your clothes for the first time, making an absolute mess of himself when he finally got to the act.

But those gentle and somewhat shy touches were far lost inside his guts somewhere, instead, they were replaced with fierce and strong movements.

You turned around slowly, you could feel yourself getting aroused by this sudden role he was playing. And when you stared at those almost hollow eyes, you saw passion, lust and hunger all mixed up together in a ballad of desesperation.

His lips devoured yours not even a second after.

Your eyes were tight shut, savouring the sweet moment he was offering you. Your lips tried to move slowly, trying to enjoy this new facade, but he wouldn't let you.

His tongue was already inside your mouth when you felt his fingertips lower themselves down your body.

You knew he was an ass guy, it was absolutely cristal clear.

He would always grab your ass, brushing it off saying that it was an "accident". Pushing his hips into yours from behind whenever you couldn't reach for something, always walking right behind you whenever you two where with the group.

However, you didn't expect he liked... spanking.

It started off slow, giving you little taps as he grabbed and squeezed your butt. He pushed further into you, almost as if he wanted to break the wall behind you.

The kisses soon turned sloppy, soaking up both of your lips before he trailed them further down, and you had to bite your lip in order to not let any sounds yet.

His hair trickled your flushed cheek, hands quickly grabbing it as his kisses turned into bites, sucking your soft skin.

The crown of your hair hit the cold wall behind you, mouth agape as you let him sneak a hand behind your back, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest as the other one caressed your hip.

Ready to finally use your voice tonight, you eventually opted not to. He had just became so... primal for you, you didn't dare to even make a question.

However, you wished this blissful moment lasted longer.

"Oop!"

A cut out yelp emerged from your mouth as his hands took ahold of your legs, lifting you up easily into the air.

He wrapped your legs around his hips, your crotch resting just above his belly button and, simultaneously, your arms embraced his neck for support.

You moved up and down thanks to his heavy steps and, trying to get payback from earlier, you started pecking his neck. Starting off gently, kissing and giving butterfly kisses into his jugular.

You noticed he became clumsier, almost tripping over as you sucked a hickie. Your kisses got wetter, hotter and your hand started to caress the back of his hair.

You giggled at his clumsy steps but as soon as you were placed on top of your chilly kitchen counter and saw his serious face once again, you quieted down.

His hands gripped your thighs as if they were his sword, his head coming down to rest on your neck once again to give you little pecks, weirdly more tenderly than the ones he had given you before.

But you pulled his mouth off you briefly.

"What's up with yo-"

"Who was he"

His eyes were finally looking at yours after a long while.

"What? What are you talki-"

"Who was that guy"

Your hands now rested on his shoulder blades, feeling the hard touch of metal bellow your right hand.

Frowning your brows, you tried to think about what guy was he talking about.

. . .

You smelled the aura and it smelt musky.

The first scent you picked out first was a strong breeze of sudden whisky, the wet and fermented barley filling up your nose.

Then you smelt a recognizable, stronge cologne floating around your head now. And when you lifted up your head, you saw him.

A mature, bearded man.

He was wearing a long black coat, some glasses keeping your curious eyes from staring at his own ones. You stayed there for a second, he looked oddly familar.

But before you could figure out who was that man, you came back to Earth, remembering that you were winding down after a long day in Seventh Heaven.

You grabbed your drink, resting for a while on your seat until your drink was halfway done.

But before you could walk away from that husky cloud, a large hand grabbed your shoulder, making you face the misterious man.

Your eyes lingered first on his fierce brown eyes, looking at his mature skin, you saw a scar on his left cheek that time had tried to heal, trying to match his skin colour.

You saw his lips move, but you had to re-think your answer before opening your own mouth.

"I saw you back there"

Okay.

You hadn't expected that phrase.

Where could he had seen you anyway? Was he following you?

"I like what you guys are doing for the Planet"

What?

You knew what you were doing was benefitial for the Planet, but Shinra worked so hard into putting your group as a terrorist one and actually killing way more people from the explosions than expected.

But why did he knew?

"Those Shinra guys deserve worse"

It came out as a mumble and you couldn't help but look at him with a puzzled expresion, accepting the friendly pats he gave on your shoulder, thanking you.

That was sweet. . .?

. . .

"Ohh, that man back there?"

He stopped his movements, almost as if letting you know that you were right.

"I saw him to-"

Now you were the one that cut him off, not boring to hide the sly smirk on your face.

"Wait, are you jealous?"

Suddenly his cheeks reddened, but before he could see your grin he lowered his head down into your neck once again.

Ready to make another snicker, you were interruped by his palm now resting on your panties, making you gasp.

His index finger moved up and down and you took matter into your own hands too, quite literally.

He hissed as your bold hand groped him too, trying to lure him into letting you give him some pleasure too.

"Let me make you feel good"

Your heated breathing sent cold shivers down his spine and, as your teeth lightly bit his ear, he lost it.

"So pretty"

You would always praise him, and it would always make him feel sort of bad, he would keep his own thoughts about how gorgerous you were to himself.

But he meant all of them.

His shirt and SOLDIER armour was now discared on the cold floor, your icy hands caressing his abs before finally getting down on your knees.

His absolutely favourite view in the whole Planet.

He helped you take off his belt, letting your overly-excited fingers do the rest of the work. And when you finally got face to face with him, he placed a reassuring hand on your head.

You started off with slow strokes, kitten-kissing his angry red tip. Sensually trailling lower and lower on his shaft just to tease him and rake higher and higher again.

Until he finally had enough, gripping quite hardly your hair.

"Get on with it"

He actually scared himself off at first with his demanding tone, his desesperation seemingly clear on his blushed cheeks as he stared down at you. And you complied, enjoying the choked out gasp you managed to pull out of his throat when you suddenly introduced him halfway into your wet cavern.

Lust filled eyes staring down at the mess you were making on his cock, gripping hardly the counter behind him as he tried not to buck his hips into your mouth.

Not only your sweet face was all in display for him to see, but your sweet, sweet ass was there too.

As dirty as it sounded inside his head

Your hands held his thighs hardly too, enjoying every sound you were being able to pull from him as you took him deeper and deeper. He was big, and it was almost funny how he didn't actually believe you could struggle to take him at first.

But it sure ignited something inside him

He throbbed when he saw you gag on him, help him reach his end with the help of your hand, your glossy eyes staring up at him.

He needed to feel you.

But not like this

So he took your face off him, smashing desesperately his lips against yours once again, feeling a fuzzy tingle inside him as he heavily rested on your lower stomach now.

His hands held your face ridiculously gently compared from how he had gripped your hair just a few seconds ago, walking you backwards until you met the counter once again.

"turn around"

His voice was deeper now, staring daggers into your eyes as he waited for you to obediently follow his lead. And you did.

You bent yourself down, ready to whatever he was going to give you this night right there and then.

And when you felt him pull your skirt up, you pushed your hips back into his hands, making him pull down your panties even slower than he intended to. Almost as if he was getting payback from before.

When they pooled through your ankles, his hand softly massaged your right cheek, feeding off your whines.

"Please"

However, he kept going.

No matter how hard he was, how hardly he wanted to fill you up, to feel you entirely around him once again. He wanted to show you how you were his, how he loved and desired you.

So, without thinking, the harsh sound of a "slap!" filled your ears and ceirtantly, your butt.

You couldn't help yourself but let out a pathetic moan, his hand now rubbing the red spot he had left. He had heard you, and it was the same sound you would let out whenever he was fingering you.

Did you actually like it?

So once he had tested the waters, he set his sights on slipping the nastiest mewls from your mouth tonight.

"Mmph- Cloud"

There it was, his name filling his ears the best way it could've had. So he started teasing your slit with his shaft, more slapping sounds filling up the small appartment as you almost rested your whole chest on the counter now.

You picked out the sound of plastic, something opening up. Which you later would guess was a condom.

But before you could make contact with the cold tile, his left arm surrounded your stomach, pulling you up into him, lips mere centimeters away from your ear.

"I'm going inside now, is that okay?"

How sweet

But sweet wasn't an adjective that matched his dirty and husky tone. His hand was now toying with your front, exposing you to the darkness as he squeezed your breasts now.

So you nodded, feeling suddenly too shy to speak to him.

"Too embarrassed to use your voice now huh?"

And you opened it, but it was useless to his tip now proding your entrance, slowly taking him further and further. Holding the arm that was embracing you, you rolled your head into his shoulder, silently whimpering at the warm feeling.

"Got you, almost there"

His reassuring tone he used with no one really never failed to make your knees feel like jelly.

But his adorable act lasted as quick as you managed to cum with his skilled fingers.

He started to move, and he was clearly desesperate. Setting off a crude, fast pace as you were now fully bent over, his hands gripping your hips. His middle finger was now circling quickly your clit, pulling off the nastiest moans he had wished for.

You imagined his glistening, lean form behind you, making you take all of him, using your tight walls in search for his climax. His hair all ruffled up, a bead of sweat trailing down into his v-line, and the sudden spanks your ass would recieve.

That was your last straw, mewling out his name as you soaked his cock.

And by the way you gripped him even harder, which he thought was impossible now, spasming around him violently.

He was done.

So he followed close behind, painting the plastic walls white, imagining it was you who was taking his load instead.

#[ 📒 c0smos!fics ] #smut‼️ #cloud strife x reader #cloud strife x you #cloud x reader #final fantasy smut #ffvii smut #ff7 smut #final fantasy x reader #ff7 fic #ff7 fanfic #ff7 x reader #ffvii x reader #ffvii cloud #ff7 #final fantasy vii #cloud strife #cloud ff7 #ff7 cloud #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy cloud #final fantasy 7 #ffviir

[rararazaquato]

Tell us more about le cartoon version of Raincode you have please.

Like of other characters appearing and more dynamics, including episodes.

oh BABY you're in for a treat!!!

i have a whole google doc planned out for this thing, despite me having no animation experience gjgkhkh... this is gonna be the Public Lore Dump Post btw, and spoilers for all of rain code will be under the cut.

so the concept for this whole thing came about while watching the animations of youtuber OkayScreamingNow. super cool animation btw, their "psycho teddy" animation moderately blew up but i'm a huge fan of their "everybody likes you" video.

between watching those, a ton of aimkid videos, wince media's meat bun song, and nicktendo's mighty b review, i started feeling really nostalgic for mid-late 2000s animation, the stuff i grew up on. growing up creepie, yin yang yo, kenny the shark, all these were shows i adored as a kid. so, combined with my current rain code fixation, this little au came to be!

the general conceit of this au is that "Master Detective Archives" is a 2008 animated children's program that lasted for 20 episodes and is majority lost media. only a couple episodes exist in the bowels of shitty piracy sites, and even then those sites keep getting taken down. the more screenshots and concept art i make, the more is "revealed" about the show.

one of the things that interests me the most about children's media is how people worked around the censors. a lot of people are familiar with the story of the ren and stimpy adult party cartoon. for those who aren't familiar, when john "god's mistake" kricfalusi created an adult oriented reboot of ren and stimpy, the show was dogshit. with the new ability to rely on the crutch of whatever grossout sexual humor it wanted, it became a massive stain on john k's career (he has had other horrific stains both before and after apc, but i need to stress, no one liked apc).

for a more positive example, i love pretty much all of jhonen vasquez's work, but i find the humor and even some of the horror of invader zim to be more interesting than the same stuff in jthm, because iz was working under far stricter standards and practices.

what i'm trying to get at is that i enjoy the challenge of seeing how i can take concepts and make them more kid-friendly while still keeping the intrigue and interest the concepts originally had. i worked at a summer camp in 2022, and the driving force behind this little project was "keeping rain code camp-appropriate, but also keeping it interesting".

this ethos will hopefully explain some of the Big Changes i made to the story and characters. i do want to stress that i do not think i am improving on the original work. i think rain code is a story that, inherently, works better as an m-rated, gritty, cyberpunk-y murder mystery. i've just always been uniquely fascinated by this particular genre shift.

so, first major change: nocturnal detective agency has turned into nocturnal detective academy. this is a place where young minds, particularly those with supernatural powers, go to hone their craft. or at least... it was. now it's run exclusively by three people: headmaster Zange Eraser, school nurse and therapist Melami Goldmine, and teacher (and everything else) Yakou Furio.

i grew up with a book series called school of fear, which was about a small group of kids with severe phobias being sent to help conquer their fears at a highly rated school. however, it was actually just a kooky old lady and her massive mansion, and while she helped the kids get over their fears, she did it in unorthodox and occasionally darkly humorous ways. i remember a scene in the books where she put the claustrophobe and the kid afraid of death in a coffin for a few hours, and while that is absolutely NOT how exposure therapy works, the idea of a school that's just a few adults running a lowkey scam out of their house has always tickled my funny bone.

so the nda is a school, teaching detective skills and the like. of course, because yakou is my beautiful failwife, he mostly just sends his students out into the city of Kanai Ward to do their own investigative work and report back with what they've learned... as long as they don't get in trouble with Hecksmile or his goons, at least!

yeah, the other big change is that the peacekeepers are more like team rocket than corrupt cops. while i agree that the police suck, and a lot of older cartoons seem to share that sentiment (even some newer ones like gravity falls), having all the villains be evil, corrupt cops seems like a recipe to get s&p on your ass. so now, the cops just don't do anything, and Hecksmile and his goons just wreak havoc whenever they feel like it.

(i've already explained the hecksmile bit in a previous post, but i dont think any of the other names would need changing. maybe if this was the 90s, desuhiko and fubuki would get their names changed to something more eurocentric, but this isn't the 90s and that stuff was cringe even back then.)

there are only seven students at the academy, and i've de-aged these characters to be more relatable to the target audience: our main character yuma, halara, desuhiko, fubuki, vivia, pucci, and aphex. i'll detail them a bit here, because yakou, zange, and melami can all stay pretty similar (actually, melami doesn't randomly feel up strangers to get their clothing measurements anymore, but that's a pretty minor change).

yuma is still our main character, acting as the straight man and audience surrogate. the whole "number one" twist isn't really a thing with how this whole plot is set up, so his awkward and generally "scrunkly" attitude from the game is his natural state here. though none of the ages of the characters are specified, he's often called out as the youngest detective, probably in his preteens or early teenagehood. his coalescence is used for a lot of teamwork-based solutions to problems, but he isn't that great at actual mystery-solving.

this is where shinigami comes in! in the first episode, after some hijinks, yuma accidentally summons a death god. fortunately, he summons a teenage death god. she can only appear in her cool human form in her summoner's dreams, she can't interact with anyone in the physical world except her summoner, and she doesn't even have her reaper's license yet! regardless, she likes having a friend, so she helps yuma see things from different perspectives. i figured death spirits wouldn't be off the table, exactly (i mean, look at billy and mandy), but i think there's a certain humor in a death god not being able to do any soul reaping. i like to think she talks about it like her driver's license. "ugh, i'm not allowed to reap any souls until i'm 16 thousand years old! i'm only 14 thousand!!!" because of her teenagerdom, her human form is going to be far less sexualized. also because i think her canon outfit is a little ugly.

halara doesn't change much from canon. very mysterious and intimidating. no one knows their gender because everyone's too afraid to ask (and to find out, you'd have to pay them about $100 in cash). they still love cats but have an allergy to them, they still don't trust people, etc.

desuhiko changes a lot from canon. he's less actively creepy and more of a wannabe romantic. he has a tendency to fall for grown women, although he has absolutely no chance with any of them. this is played for laughs.

fubuki is another character who doesn't change much from canon. obscenely rich and super out of touch with everything around her. has occasional bursts of intelligence for comedy.

vivia is still everyone's favorite emo sadboy, writing poetry in the fireplace. his passive suicidal ideation, though interesting to explore in media made for adults, is very dangerous to put in a children's show, so we're nixing that. instead, he's just real sleepy and goth. he's also the least interested in doing actual detective work, so when he and yuma are investigating together, it gives yuma a chance to take the lead.

pucci doesn't change much from canon, but admittedly, we don't know too much about her. she's sensitive to noise, very thoughtful and introspective, but very awkward around people being nice to her.

and aphex. what to say about aphex. i don't like aphex for a number of reasons (anyone who played with jpn audio can back me up on this one), but the idea of someone who is initially violent and cruel becoming your (still somewhat violent and cruel) ally is a fun character trope to me. my go-to example is buford from phineas and ferb, and i think that's the role aphex would play. initially a threat, but eventually becomes softer and more well-developed. well, if the show got more seasons.

and that's our main cast! i could talk about kurumi, makoto, and martina, as i have a lot of cool ideas for them, but i have been writing this for like an hour and i think i need to chill ahaha... ty for the ask!!!

#mdarc #rain code #rain code spoilers #mda nicktoon

[nerves-nebula]

I feel so bad because your neglected turtles remind me of all the kids I used to feed throughout school. I split my lunches with so many people in elementary school because I knew what it felt like to hurt. I was not neglected but I had a mentally ill mother that made it hard even though we had more than enough money. I may be autistic or I may be just messed up and could not make friends easily, but somehow all the neglected and abused kids and I formed a pack of nervous, estranged wolves and it was stressful because they were always fighting and no one liked each other but they saw me as a parent figure or something. One of them died because of his neglectful mother and I feel so guilty. Others just lost touch when I went on to middle school and left them behind. My middle school was GREAT at feeding everybody for free which was awesome. My high school not so much but there were too many people to feed by myself so I just always had snacks and slices of bread and gave them whenever someone said they were hungry or looked too skinny. My parents never knew I was taking extra food, they never found out because I was super sneaky. I sometimes skipped my own lunch in order to keep it a secret from them. I made another estranged nervous friend who definitely was neglected by a parent that struggled with depression. Everyone had just accepted that he "didn't need lunch" which was absolute bullshit. It was a fight to get him to accept food every day and it almost became a game because I had to find ways to slip food into his backpack or coat or find his next class before he got there. He was sneaky back and sometimes succeeded in sneaking food BACK into my bag like an asshole. I think I really pissed him off. I don't blame him for cutting contact after graduating, we were kind of estranged and distant and we were not really friends, he probably hated me for having to accept food. I would definitely feed your turtles every day if I knew them. They remind me of everyone I that I couldn't feed in high school. I know they're not real. I just want to feed them though.

Yknow something sorta similar happened to me, though not to the same extreme. I ended up hanging out with a group of queer/autistic kids during lunch at my first high school, and I was constantly eating their extra apples, milk, celery, etc. if they didn’t want it. It’s actually a bit funny, because I was researching signs of abuse/neglect for one of my stories and I noticed one that was like “asks for other kids food/hoards food at school” and I was like "lol same" so I started to catalog the symptoms I related to and I kept them as a screenshot on my desktop for the longest time.

but also, as a person with a shit history with food, i'd prolly be pissed if someone kept sneaking food into my bag too hahh. cuz i cant just eat anything i'm given so if i say no to food and someone makes me take it anyway it annoys me. and i'd feel violated if someone like, touched my stuff without me knowing. but it sucks that that kid didn't have food and everyone just accepted that.

as for my turtles, they'll be fine, they make sure each other eats enough when they're older

#nnstuff #ask #child abuse tw

[sexybabystevie]

hi, em!! congrats on 100 followers, you deserve it, lovely!

anyway,, i wanted to request for the garden event, and use the red rose prompt for steve harrington! :)

im a poet, i absolutely love writing. i'm trying to study to become a psychiatrist. im a hopeless romantic, i love reading and watching cliche romance movies, however, i'm not a big fan of huge romantic gestures, i like to keep things casual because making situations big like that stress me out😭 anyway,, i love horror games and movies, i also love listening to music (who doesn't). im extremely sarcastic. i can also be extremely emotional. i love haribo pineapple gummy bears, its a very bad obsession. i also love hanging out with friends and i also play guitar, so i love singing and playing on said guitar.

i also totally forgot half the things i wrote last time, so i just put some new stuff, you don't have to add some parts if it helps.

again, congrats on 100 follows, have a nice day/night, take care of yourself! <3

A/n: Ela!! Thank you so much for requesting (and for resending it when it somehow got deleted)! I'm super excited to write this for you, and I really hope that you like it!! <3

Steve Harrington Masterlist

Saturday Night Sleepovers

Best Friend!Steve Harrington x Reader

Tags and Warnings: No Warnings, Best Friend!Steve Harrington, Soft!Steve Harrington, Sleepovers, Movie Nights, Confessions of Feelings, Very Casual (but Intimate) Friendship and Relationship.

Word Count: 1916

On the weekends when the typical absence of Steve Harrington's parents cause his house to feel more empty than usual – more like a facade of wealth and perfection than a welcoming home – you're the first person that he invites over for a party. These parties are nothing like what he used to throw when he was more popular; instead of filling his house with as many bodies as he can, people he had never even met before lining his halls, these gatherings are far more intimate. In fact, he's not even really sure if he can legally call these meetings 'parties' when the only two people always involved are you and him. (Sometimes Robin is invited, and sometimes a few of the kids crash at Steve's place for a few hours, endlessly talking about things that happened at school or just in their lives in general. Most of the time, though, it's only you two.)

Having been his best friend for a little over a year now, it was customary for you to get a phone call on an occasional Saturday morning, smiling to yourself as Steve tries to bribe you into coming over with the promise of some of your favorite snacks – not that he even has to do that; you would say yes in a heartbeat, regardless. You always say yes, and you always feel your heart tug a little when he tells you that he'll be on his way to pick you up in five, the smile on his face audible in his excited tone.

He honks his car horn when he pulls into your driveway – he knows he doesn't have to, knows that you've been expectantly waiting for him ever since he got off the phone with you, but he likes to see you playfully rolling your eyes as you get into the passenger seat.

That's where you are now, standing outside of his maroon BMW as you open up his back seat and put your bags into it. Usually you keep them in the floorboard with you up front, but you have more with you this time – your guitar case take up far more space than you imagined – so you waste no time in piling your things up in the space behind you.

You're quick to close the door and hop back into your seat – the only person who would ever put up a fight for it was Dustin, and sometimes you let him have it if you're feeling extra generous – buckling yourself in at rapid speed. Steve seems to notice your haste and raises his brows in your direction as he starts driving.

"Someone seems excited."

"Of course! It's not every day someone offers to buy me any and all of the snacks I could even imagine eating."

Steve chuckles at your antics and smiles smugly as he says, "You know, I don't even have to ask to know exactly what you'll end up getting."

"Yeah, because you've known since the very day we met." You look at him with a soft, playful smile, only to see those same features mirrored on himself.

"You'll buy the entire pack of Haribo gummy bears and pick out all of the pineapples because you insist that they're the best."

"Because they are!"

Steve doesn't argue back; he actually does agree with you. Ever since you walked into Scoops Ahoy and asked for an ice cream cone with gummy bears on the side – 'Would it be too much to ask for only the light yellow ones?' you had said – he had known that you were someone he wanted to keep around. Plus, you'd given him a few of them before, and he did get it. They were definitely the best out of the flavors given.

Instead, he just laughs, admiring the matter-of-factly way that you cross your arms and stare at him.

"And, as always, you'll say that you'll eat the other flavors too, but then you'll "forget" and I'll have to eat the rest."

You only roll your eyes and smirk at him in response.

"As if you don't devour them all in minutes and then thank me for not eating them under your breath."

Some more friendly banter follows through, as it always does with the two of you, and before long, you're carrying grocery bags into the large front door of Steve Harrington's house. You work together to put away the things that you aren't planning on eating right away, and then you're flopping right onto his couch with your bowl full of dissected gummy bears.

Steve walks into the room after you, arms full of various movies that he lays onto the coffee table before you.

"So, I wasn't sure if you were in more of a 'scare-your-socks-off' horror mood or a 'let's-pine-for-the-relationship-these-two-have' romance mood," he says, spreading out each tape and letting you read the titles that he totally didn't break work protocol to get for you.

Two horror movies – Poltergeist and A Nightmare on Elm Street – and two romance movies – Dirty Dancing and Sixteen Candles – are what he's chosen. You know you'll have plenty of time to watch them both today and tomorrow – you always spend the Sundays after your sleepovers lounging around his place for as long as you can, relishing in every mere moment that you have with him – so you close your eyes and randomly pick one to get your marathon started.

"Sixteen Candles it is," you say, handing the movie to your best friend so that he can go place it in the player.

Steve does so quickly, pressing the tape into the machine and rushing to his place next to you on the couch, as if he's going to miss something crucial in the first fifteen seconds of the movie. You giggle to yourself, finding his urgent and serious expression oddly adorable. Your chest feels a little tighter, softly compressed as your heart seems to speed up its beating, but you try not to pay it any mind.

You and Steve were close, and sometimes you almost verged into something that was slightly outside the realm of what best friends were known for doing. However, despite your absolute adoration for the flashy romance movies you watch, you would rather not experience something like that in reality. Making things so suddenly serious was scary, and you preferred to keep things the way they were, with you and Steve being each other's go-to people.

The movie begins and Steve's arm slings over your shoulders like it always does, fingers softly rubbing little random shapes into the skin right at the edge of your t-shirt sleeve. You scoot nearer to him, head resting softly against his chest as you face the TV and keep your attention on the events happening on screen. The warmth from his body radiates into yours, like your own personal heater, and you can vaguely feel the steady beating of his heart against your cheek.

The movie progresses with you resting against Steve, your supply of pineapple gummy bears slowly diminising as you pop them into your mouth every few mintutes. Occasionally you take one and lift it blindly up to his mouth, without bothering to look away from the TV. If you ever misplace it, hand ending up nowhere near his lips, he never says anything about it.

It seems like it's all too soon before the end credits are rolling and you and Steve are lazily standing up, backs and knees popping from your prolonged positions. After stretching, you sniffle a little and he's turning towards you with lightning speed.

His eyes are filled to the brim with concern until you jokingly swat at his arm, almost giggling again.

"Come on, you know how these movies can make me kind of emotional!"

Steve laughs – surprisingly more loudly than normal – and it rings throughout your brain for as long as you can keep it there, absently thinking that you wished you could hear such a genuine and carefree noise from him forever.

Except you must not be too aware of yourself, because the way Steve's eyes widen softly tells you that you might not have said that inside your head like you thought you had.

Minutes of an awkward silence follow, and you're really wishing that you had managed to keep quiet. The longer everything is noiseless, the more you want to say something to try and make it seem like anything except for what it was.

Meanwhile, Steve has your words bouncing around inside of his mind like the VHS logo that slides across the TV screen. 'I wish I could hear you laugh like that forever...' He's frozen in place, caught completely off guard by your admission, and while he knows that it very well could mean something else, that maybe you just mean it in a really friendly way, he can't help but hope that you mean it in the way it sounds.

After several long moments, he finally looks down at you with rose-dusted cheeks, softened brown eyes, and with his lips broken out into a bashful, hopeful grin.

"You could, you know," he says softly, gaze focused directly on you. "If you wanted to, of course. If... if that's what you meant."

You feel a lump of anxiety forming in your throat, and it's as if Steve can somehow tell that you're beginning to grow nervous at the prospect of things changing so drastically and abruptly.

"Nothing has to change!" he quickly says, hands lifted palm-up between the two of you as some sort of truce. "It can, if you want it to, but even then it won't change much. I mean, we're already pretty close. We don't have to rush anything, though. I guess that's what I'm trying to say?"

Steve's onslaught of nerves has you chuckling – you can't help it; he's so genuinely concerned about you but also so genuinely dopey that it has you giggling against your will – and at the sound of your own laugh, he gives in to the temptation and joins in.

As you listen to your shared laughter, you realize that he's right – nothing is really changing that much between you two – and you take both of his still uplifted hands into your own. You intertwine your fingers together, mirrored looks of adoration on both you and Steve, and while this is a bit of a newer feeling –the heat from his palms bleeding into your own – you do enjoy it.

The rest of the night follows as it would normally; you watch another movie together – horror this time, to balance it out – and you let Steve squeeze your hand whenever a jump scare pops onto the screen. (Don't tell anyone though, because he will adamantly deny that such a thing ever happened. Steve Harrington, afraid of horror movies? No way!)

Then, you read him some of your newest poetry, to which he always is a little lost, but is nonetheless enthusiastic. Even if you have to explain the meaning behind every line, he'll sit through it just so he can be properly proud of you.

Finally, the night ends with you playing your guitar, the quietude of the Harrington household filled with you – your voice and your guitar – something that makes Steve feel like he's found his home – the real one. He drifts off to the sound of one of the songs that you know is his favorite to hear you play, and you follow suit soon after.

#the garden🌷 #steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x you #steve harrington headcanons #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #lovely requests #ela🌷

[plutesboots]

just random musings on maplestory (do not play this game)

Extremely long post btw I was rambling

It's just so aggravating how much the entire game changed so quickly.

When the game started, it was a small world. It took a week to reach level 10, and over a month to reach lvl 30 when you got the first job change, even if you were playing every day. This forced people to learn to share maps, thus increasing mob spawn rates. This ALSO necessitated the playing of party quests, a co-op instance where you and 3 other people killed monsters, did platforming, and worked together to beat it and get huge amounts of exp.

The amount of cash shop stuff was very minimal. Little outfits you wore over your armor that did literally nothing, really. They added content slowly, and I think I got to Ludibrium when it got bought out.

Like I had a friend who played more than me (I was in school at the time) and was one of the first people, like a year into the game, to reach level 60. It was rough.

And then they changed the exp curve! Which was great, but it was SUCH a vast change. Instead of taking a month to get to lvl 30, it took like, less than a day. And suddenly there was less demand for map sharing, way less demand for party quests, and as they increased the exp reward for stuff, people just. Ending up grinding solo constantly.

I was the weirdo who did the quests btw. I could barely play in high school so I just did Literally Every Quest lmao.

AND THEN. Then. They added extra stats to your weapons. This was the fucking worst thing. So. They made super bosses have a special kind of Boss Defense, and the only thing capable of piercing that defense was a special extra stat you could get on weapons, known as "Damage to Boss Monsters" that was only available as a "hidden potential" stat. And when you got those hidden stats, it was completely random what you would get.

BUT. If you ~really~ wanted a specific stat on your weapons, you could pay cash for "Cubes" and these would randomize the potentials. But to get the GOOD stats, the ones that would let you fight bosses, you had to buy the Fancy Cubes. And a lot of them. A stack of high quality cubes would cost you like, 50$ for ten of them.

The average cost of a single weapon capable of letting you fight a boss was $300. That's was the Average. Just a long series of gacha-type rerolls trying to actually do a main part of the game.

Good god they made you want to do it though. The best armor in the game was behind these super bosses, and only by getting that armor (which was a fraction of a CHANCE of being the one you needed) could you access a large portion of the game. And these bosses were extremely hard to get to, and many of them spawned like. Once a week. Or once a month. For the entire server.

If you REALLY grinded like constantly, forever, and got lucky by making friends with richer players, you could MAYBE get to be in the arena when they beat the boss. Maybe. If you survived.

And eventually they released the "No Cash" Reboot server, which was. Better. You couldn't trade with anyone or put any equipment in your storage which was stupid as hell, and even with the buffed enemies, you could probably get to the end-game shit Eventually. Though it was incredibly grueling, and relying on RNG to get any good items was. Rough. And they still had cash in the form of pets that could heal you so it was kind of a moot point regardless.

At that point though, all the people from early on in the game's life cycle, who enjoyed like. Playing with others. Had just gotten completely burnt out on the pay-to-win shit and the updates constantly nerfing and buffing classes based on....I'm not sure. Profit margins? Complaints? Who's to say. I tried Reboot for a while but after the third guild I joined that demanded constant leveling I just noped the fuck out of there lmao.

I know people still play this game considering it still gets updates but I hope they're doing okay. I don't want to stress myself out doing the research lmao. Fuck that shit.

[ridiasfangirlings]

(resent ask cause old one maybe lost) Fushimi has always vented his feelings by writing stories (w/ specific infos changed) and after the fight with Yata and leaving Homra gang, he has to live alone (and stops writing at the part where the MC also leaves the person he secretly liked). He did freelance stuff and ends up working for Munakata who found his book and suggested it get published. Needing money, Fushimi agrees but it's published under a penname. It becomes a hit but Fushimi refuses to

I feel like I did answer something like this but I can't find it so maybe I just answered it in my head XD Imagine Fushimi writing books as like a way to deal with all the stress and emotions that he can't vocalize, making up these worlds where maybe everything sucks but there's the possibility of things being better – or maybe that's how he writes when he's very young but as he gets older and more bitter Fushimi starts writing more and more depressing stories, where things are terrible and keep being terrible. He doesn't show anyone what he's written and he even starts tearing his stories up once they're finished because if he doesn't Niki will, so he may as well do it himself. After he meets Yata though say one day Yata spots him writing and thinks it's super cool, like wow Saruhiko you can do anything. Fushimi doesn't really want to show Yata any other things he's written though and he claims that he doesn't even like to write, not wanting Yata to see all these depressing stories about his shitty life that Fushimi's written so far. Except as he and Yata get closer Fushimi starts feeling actual positive emotions that make him feel all confused and conflicted, he's never felt this way about anyone before. Not knowing any other way to deal with it he decides to start writing out his feelings and begins a story of two friends who meet in middle school and how they become important to each other. He changes the names just in case and maybe this makes it easier for Fushimi to pretend he's just writing a story he's made up in his head and not a story about how important Yata's starting to become to him.

Eventually the two move in together and of course this happens in Fushimi's story as well, his two main characters deciding to share an apartment. For a while things are good and even though Fushimi still hides his stories he's even beginning to think that maybe one day he can show this to Yata after all and ask what Yata thinks. But then the two of them end up joining Homra, I'm assuming this is something of a no-powers AU so say instead Homra's just a normal gang that helps out the weak and Yata and Fushimi end up on the wrong side of some local drug dealer types. They get attacked and are in a bad spot when Mikoto appears and saves them, becoming Yata's hero and Yata of course wants to join Homra and be just like him. Fushimi goes along too but quickly starts becoming dissatisfied and his stories get darker to match his mood, the Yata character starting to care only about other people while the Fushimi character becomes lonely and isolated. Fushimi also starts to realize that where once when he was younger writing things down helped regulate his emotions maybe now it just makes things worse, like he starts spilling out all these negative feelings onto the page and it feels like he's drowning in the words he writes, like he can't even tell himself that Misaki still cares because here it is in the world of his story, that he's being left behind.

Eventually Fushimi and Yata have a big fight and Fushimi 'betrays' Yata and leaves Homra for good. He doesn't have anywhere else to go but leaves the apartment anyway, probably sleeping out in the street for a couple days before he's able to find a freelance computer job and get enough money for a hotel room. Fushimi starts taking more freelance jobs, he prefers to do computer stuff but ends up somehow just falling into getting contracts to do writing work instead – most of it is for things like news articles or instruction booklets and such, more dry 'real world' things rather than fiction, and Fushimi's perfectly happy to not have to write about anything involving emotions again. He intended to get rid of the story he was writing about himself and Yata when he moved out of the apartment but somehow can't bring himself to destroy it, instead he just shoves it in a drawer and refuses to look at it. The last thing written in that story was a fight between the two main characters and Fushimi figures it's fine this way anyhow, he doesn't need to write a story with a happy ending.

Eventually Fushimi is hired by Munakata, who runs a small publishing firm. Munakata's been impressed with Fushimi's articles and thinks Fushimi could be a helpful addition to his team. He asks Fushimi to provide him some example writing and Fushimi ends up accidentally bringing some of his original story along, having grabbed a pile of papers off his desk and not noticing the drawer was open. Munakata praises Fushimi's article writing but notes that he's particularly impressed by this fiction story. Fushimi immediately says that wasn't intended to be seen by anyone and that he isn't going to do anything more with that story, Munakata though smiles pleasantly and notes that he could give Fushimi quite an advance for a work like this. Fushimi's only just gotten this job and hasn't had a paycheck yet so his funds are pretty low and it's questionable if he can afford rent. On top of that he doesn't want to be fired now that he's finally found a job (having not yet realized that he's already Munakata's favorite and Munakata is never letting him leave) so he ends up agreeing to let Munakata publish the book under a pseudonym. When he gives Munakata the full manuscript Munakata notes the unhappy ending and Fushimi flatly refuses to change it, stating that Munakata can take the book this way or not at all.

The book ends up doing very well despite the unhappy ending, imagine Fushimi now has a legion of fangirls dying to know if more will be written because he can't just end it that way. Yata also ends up reading the book, Totsuka read a bit of it and thought Yata might find it very intriguing (and Totsuka is maybe aware that this is from the publishing house Fushimi works for, how interesting). Yata normally doesn't read stuff besides manga but he ends up getting sucked into this one and can't put it down. Fushimi's changed just enough of the situations that Yata doesn't realize who the book has to be about but even then I imagine him having lots of moments where he thinks this feels very familiar and can't say why, and when he gets to the end and the two friends break apart he finds himself sitting there with tears in his eyes that he can't seem to stop.

Years later Yata and Fushimi finally reconcile and by this time Fushimi's realized that he is actually in love with Yata. Munakata notes that Fushimi's mood has improved considerably since making up with Yata Misaki and wonders if Fushimi might feel the need to write a continuation to his last novel, Fushimi clicks his tongue all I told you I wasn't doing that but suddenly he feels the need to, like he needs to get these feelings out somehow and he can't bring himself to say the words to Yata. Fushimi ends up finally writing that conclusion but even in the novel he's not able to write a completely happy ending, like the two characters are friends again and the Fushimi character is clearly in love with the Yata character but he doesn't confess, because even in novel form Fushimi can't entirely believe that Yata would choose him.

Munakata has the book published and imagine he delivers the last volume to Yata himself, stopping by the bar and noting that he thought Yata would enjoy the latest book from their publishing house. Yata's all confused as to why Saru's boss would bring him this book but then as he reads it he starts to understand – without even really meaning to this time Fushimi left a little too much of 'himself' in the book and it just hits Yata like a truck, who the author has to be. In the end when the Fushimi character decides not to confess Yata just has this moment of '...you idiot.' He ends up running to meet Fushimi at work, Fushimi's surprised and maybe a little on edge when he sees what book Yata has in his hands. Yata just gives him this sidelong grin though as he's like you know, that guy in your book should have confessed, because I'm telling you right now the answer is definitely that I love you too you dumbass.

#sarumi #Talking K #meanwhile the rest of Homra and S4 read that book as well #and they were all immediately like 'Fushimi totally wrote this.' #only Yata doesn't understand until the final volume XD #maybe Munakata hints later that if Fushimi wants to write a romantic sidestory epilogue hint hint #Yata's actually kinda all for that though he likes seeing Fushimi be romantic about him via fiction writing

[its-captain-sir]

hi this is a personal rant but it's in the tags cause I don't want to clog up people's dashes with whatever I say ✌️

#I'm just super stressed and way behind in school and when stuff starts getting like this my first reaction is to *.✧self isolate*.✧ #which I've kinda done for the past week or so though there were times where i was just legitimately busy and wasn't online cause of that #but yeah I've been doing that and normally once i see that I'm doing that i metaphorically bonk myself on the head like no stop doing that #cause that is not a healthy coping mechanism! #but this time it actually seems to be helping me? #like i muted a bunch of fairly active servers I'm in on discord today and i felt like i had a lot less stress #cause i wasn't trying to keep up with those messages and check all the notifs in between trying to do work or pay attention in class #and i focused a lot better and got a lot of work done #so maybe my unhealthy coping mechanism isn't so unhealthy after all! #(that's a joke it totally is it just so happens it's working for me this time) #but anyways i think I'm gonna keep doing that for the foreseeable future cause i really do need to stop being behind in things #like it's not even just school work it's like every aspect of my life hskfhskfhsk #but like. doing this means i cut off like 80% of my socialization with people that aren't related to me #which probably isn't great! but idk what else to do #y'all should just interact with me on here more so i get that little bit of socialization smh #←that's a joke but also not really cause i manage my tumblr usage way better than anything else #so theoretically i Could get enough socialization to not go insane just from here #you know i had a point i was gonna make where was i going with all this hajdhakfjskdj #OH YEAH so i am gonna mute all my relatively active servers on discord for a while but for any friends/mutuals who want to talk #my dms are still open and if you @ me in any server i should still see it so feel free to do both of those! #and depending on how things go i might unmute everything on the weekends idk #we'll just see how this goes i guess #also whoops this got WAY longer than i wanted it to be #i don't even know half of what i said at this point HSJDHDKFUSOFU #y'all can just ignore everything except for that last bit about if you want to contact me on discord #megan.txt

[black-bhabie-2000]

Mikey x fem reader

You'll always be mine

Warnings: violence, yandere, mention of gangs, cursing.

One thing Mikey isn't is half assed. He may sleep at random times and be toted around like luggage by draken but what boy didn't have a weird fault.

It was a normal day for Mikey eating with the gang and not paying for it. Someone always paid for Mikey and honestly Draken hated it but its their precious Leader 🤧 .

You were a student studying next to their table, this was tour favorite restaurant, it had am amazing blueberry cheesecake with a pistachio crust and the tea was to die for. You always order a citrus blend to help soothe your nerves while studying. You didn't have to be perfect in school but you wanted to be. The family restaurant was homey way better than being at home with your dad. He always worked and never spent any time with you and when you would talk to him and beg and cry for his attention he always did the same thing "I'm making money , how else am I going to provide for you' and "your my daughter I Love you and time and time again you accepted it. Even though you had been without Electricity for a month and the money he left was only enough to have one meal a day. Which is how you ended up at the restaurant. You came their so much, everyone knew who you were and knew your home life so they let you study and even fed you regularly, despite you refusing. Ah yes it was a stressful day. Your dad pissed you off and you were at the restaurant. Studying, sipping your tea. When a group of boys walked in . " Annoying you said under your breath 🙄. Ofc they had to sit behind you. Constantly bumping into your booth, yelling and hollering and tgen it happened. The essay you've been stressing over almost done . You had rewritten it over and over. Your font was beautiful and you even used college words. One of the boys threw water and it dumped over you and drenched your paper. You sat there in shock, your writing dissolving , your hopes and dreams. You sat and waited for an apology. You getting angrier and angrier and there was no apology. So you di would any sane person would do . You turned around and threw hot tea on the boys and said " You can't fucking apologize for spilling water over someone Constantly hitting my seat, this a restaurant not a school for adolescent Bitches". You huffed grabbed your stuff. Flipped them off and stormed out. Once outside right outside of their window you started cussing them " UGH STUPID FUCKING BOYS AND THEIR DUMB GAMES IN A RESTAURANT. MY PAPER . MY FUCKING PAPER ITS DIE TOMORROW 😤. " you grabbed the side of your head and started half massaging and pulling your hair and then you went hysterical. You started crying and punching the air before you threw your back pack on the ground and stopped it repeatedly until you calm down.

Mikey was just as shocked as you when water was thrown on you only he was pissed super pissed until well he saw your mental breakdown and it was kinda hot. (Don't judge him he's crazy). He walked outside, Draken , takemitchy following close behind. " Hey girl " he yelled at you. " I have a name dumbass" you replied. " not like I know what it is , Mikey retorted back . It's y/n . You said rolling your eyes. " I'm Mickey. " Don't remember asking " you retorted back . He laughed and you grabbed your bag and walked off.

Mikey had followed you home and even had groups of the Toman scope you out. He found out what school you went too and even your home situation and then once he gathered all of this information. The hunt began. Mikey had never wanted something or someone so bad till he met you and now he know everything he needed to know about you right. Mikey had everything to seduce you and every right too. You were his whether you knew it or not.

TIMESKIP

You and Mikey had been together for years. You both had graduated high-school and you had watch him change and become more well psychotic. You were started to fall out of love with him. You always stayed in the house alone and it was starting to remind you of your father. You never knew you would be lonely here. So you decided to do what every lost girl does . Run

Mikey is in love with you just as much as he did the first time he saw you and because he was dangerous. You were under constant surveillance even if you didn't know about it. Your therapist was a Toman group member and had told Mikey how you felt. (Ofc hippa violations don't apply to Mikey) He knew you missed him but he w a s wrapping some stuff up before he could finally spend some time with you and make you fall for him all over again. Ofc he didn't know you would run, he thought you would wait to talk to him and he'd sex your ass so good . You'd fall asleep and back in love with him. Simple enough right.

You had packed a booking with important papers, a change of clothes ,your phone charger and the cash you had stashed away. "Funny to think I was subconsciously ready to leave huh" you muttered to yourself . Almost out the door you forgot the plane ticket and ran to go get it. You reorganizes yourself at the door and walked out before walking off the grass. You turned around. You remember when you and Mikey got this house. He told you this was where you'd start your family and then barely spent time with you here. Tears streaming down your face now. You walked away from everything you've known to find yourself. You knew you had to be careful cause Toman was watching you but you could make it safely right ?

Mikeys phone went off as soon as you walked out the door. He saw you run off to get something off the printer and reorganize yourself. He saw you look back at the house and he didn't realize what you were doing till he saw your tears before you ran down the street. Ofc he was tripping cause there was no way . You were running away from him, he laughed abruptly and Takemitchy and Draken looked at him inquisitively and returned back to what they were doing. He then got on his computer to track what you did on the computer and saw the plane ticket to Russia. What was in Russia, he wondered. It didn't matter you were just lonely right and Draken told him that lonely woman act up right. He just needed to give you more time with him instead of leaving you alone. Your pretty head didn't need thoughts of running away only him. If you thought you were supervised now just wait until ge caught you. You'd always be by his side even if he had a meeting. He grabbed his phone and texted the Toman group chat "Find my missing Dove" with the link to your phone's location. Ofc he tracked your phone. You are his and you didn't need privacy at least not anymore.

You were making great progress, you hadn't run into anyone you recognized. You sit in the train peacefully listening to music until your stop. You step off the train platform. Smiling at how easy this was now climbing the stairs two at a time. Excitement in your bones . You hit the street humming to yourself as you walk to the airport it was only a 10 minute walk. You would make it would plenty of time. You walk humming to yourself and all was well till you saw Kisaki and he looked directly at you smirked and lifted his phone to his ear. "SHIT , SHIT, SHIT, " you said under your breath. Your breathing becoming sparratic . He found you so fast, he was busy right he could have anyone he wanted. He wouldn't Try to track you down right? Wrong and you knew that. You knew how much Mikey viewed family and permanence and you were Tomans head woman ofc he would track you down. You panic and think off a back way to go and start sprinting.

Mikey was waiting for you. He got the call From Kisaki and knew that it would shake you up. He waited in the back alleys for you now. He knew you more than you knew yourself. He knew how you would try to slip through the darkness but one thing about darkness it never helped those with light no only people like him thats saturated in darkness. His phone went of letting him know your location wasn't to far from his. His squad division leaders blocking off exits of escape as he waited for you to come rest at the park he was at.

You were making great progress and you laughed a breathy laugh. Running was not your strong suit. You saw a park with a water fountain and headed there. You would catch your breath , drink some water and keep making Good progress. You ran over and slumped down on a bench. Your breathing heavy. It was quiet for a while . You stared at the sky until you heard rustling. You happen to check your surroundings when realized you were trapped. The rustling was behind you. You whipped your head around only to stumble right in Mikeys arms. He caught you and just stared down at you with that crazed look that told you. He let you get this far. He always knew where you were. You let out a strangled cry " Let GO of me" you hissed at him. Doing everything to break out of his grip. He watched you struggle waiting for you to calm down but you didn't. So he pulled you closer , arms wrapping themselves against your body and he rested his head into the crook of your neck. One hand slowly petting your head like your a dog that needs soothing. " Shhh shhh it's okay baby, I'm sorry for leaving you alone so much. I've made you feel lonely but it's okay Dove cause I'll keep you closer than ever before we will always be together " he whispered in your ear and you froze. You finally realized you could never leave until he said so . You knew you were caught and knew that the freedom you had would never come again. Mikey felt your body slump with defeat and he smiled to himself. He knew you would give up easy, if you had fought him and gave him a reason why he should let you go he would've. Well for a little while till he came to get you but you didn't and that meant you needed him too. You still loved him, you just wanted attention. He straightened himself up and held your hand dragging you to the car parked on the street behind the park . You meekly flowing beside him. Tears streaming down your face at a frightening pace but you made no sound.

Mikey opened the door and you climbed inside and he sat next to you. He pulled you to him and and locked the tears from your face. He told Draken to take you guys to his office. As you look outside as your and watch the car get closer to his office. Almost like you could hear the chains around your neck. Restraining you from your freedom. Mikey finally said something that told you he would never get tired of you and you would be by his side till you were old and gray. " Maybe I should brand my name in your back Dove, so everyone can know your mine forever and ever." You looked at him with wide eyes and fear and he laughed and kissed your cheek. Maybe we should start our family together tonight. He said in response to your wide eyed look. He bit your shoulder and then kissed it.

Yeah whatever Mikey wanted he always got and whenever he got what he wanted it was his till he said otherwise and you were his most prized possession.

You would never be disposable, You'll always be Mickeys Dove. His chained up , branded , Pregnant Dove and you wouldn't have it anyway else right? Cause Doves always stayed in their cage and never ran from their master .

I made another one 🤣. I have added so writing like this always ended impossible but the love I've gotten on my first story gave me inspiration on this one. I hope you guys love it ❤. Sorry for any misspelled words. I'm doing this one my wonky phone

#tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x chubby reader #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokyo revengers baji #tokyo revengers #mikey tokyo revengers #takemitchy

[xpeachesncream]

restart | four

[ SEQUEL TO PERFECTLY WRONG ] | [ series masterlist ]

summary: as you and taehyung start to build your life together post graduation, things become more complicated than what you expected it to be. while taehyung struggles with his inner demons, you’ve become the sole supporter, the pillar, juggling different jobs to keep you two afloat. your love for each other has been put to the test as your relationship continues to face hurdles - hurdles that have you questioning whether or not your relationship will make it through.

pairing: reader x fiancé!kth

genre: post grad au, established relationship au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 4.8k

warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy, lots of insecurities and overthinking, angst, crying, bar scene, alcohol consumption, flashback scene in the middle of the chapter, a lil sprinkle of fluff, implied sexual content, bickering/arguments

note: honestly, this was ALSO not supposed to get this long but like… 🙃 here we are lol

tags: @enchantaeduniverse​ @thedarkwinterrose​ @sapphirejeon​ @jwlmnbt​ @bluesharksandfish​ @ra-mun-e @brightcolorsoffendme​ @jungcrookthecookbook​ @sunniejinnie​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Okay, I think that's it." You said, hands on your hips as you and Jungkook walked through your door for the final time.

"What are you selling, the world?" He huffs and puffs.

"For someone who works out often, you complain a lot." He rolls his eyes playfully.

"Where's Tae?"

"Sleeping still." He nods.

"Oh, okay. Ready to go then?" You nodded silently as you grabbed your bag to hitch a ride to the café with Jungkook since he was working today. He starts to talk about the girl who works with you two and how he thinks she's a little cutiepie. He has such a silly crush on her that his cheeks are lightly rose tinted every time he talks about certain encounters they've had. You're happy to see him happy, and you tell him to keep pursuing it since she's a super sweet girl. However, part of you is sad solely because you couldn't say you were 100% happy at this moment. You wish you were, but these problems were hindering you from feeling complete. You just wanted to get past this page in the book.

As soon as you both get to the cafe, you start unloading his trunk and getting everything inside. Jungkook claims he has the last two bags covered, so you walk to the back and take breather just to gather yourself before setting up. But you truly didn't expect to lose it right then and there.

"Okay! I got all the— Y/N?" Jungkook instantly worries when he sees you crying into your hands in the backroom and hurries over to you. "Hey, woah. What's going on?" He gets in front of you, gently trying to pry your hands off of your face.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." You continue to cry as he successfully removes your hands from your face.

"Sorry for what? What's going on?" He wipes your tears with his sweater and lifts your chin to look at you in the eye.

"Nothing."

"The day barely started and you're already crying in the backroom." He says softly. "Don't try and lie to me."

"I just don't know what's going on between me and Tae and it's stressing me out."

"What's going on? Same stuff?" You nod, tears still streaming down your cheeks. You tell him about how he had been super weird about taking Jimin's help and how you both got into a huge argument about it. Then, you told him how last night ended [sparing your poor bestfriend the details] and how you couldn't help but feel used because he simply dismissed you, which is very unlike Taehyung when it comes to arguments and disagreements. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I know he's going through a rough time, but Tae also needs to respect you and look at you as his partner, not someone who's also attacking him or against him. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No." Simply, no. Because you never get your friends involved like that. You just don't, no matter how much they wanna help. "He looks at me like I am, especially after this whole Jimin thing. I don't wanna say it's stupid because I don't wanna discredit his feelings, but god. Like, should I just do this on my own? Tell Jimin to forget it?"

"No." Jungkook shakes his head. "You're already getting a good start on your goals, Y/N. Don't let that go because of everything going on. Give him some time and space."

"I have been. For awhile now." You sat, feeling completely defeated already, tears still coming down your cheeks.

"Here, I'll go set up and I can take over the table for a bit. I'll ask Isabella if she can cover for a quick second." He stands in front of you, hands out to help support you as if you had lost your footing.

"No, I'll be fine—"

"Y/N, just sit. Okay?" He gives off a small sigh. "Just sit for a second and let yourself take a breather." He gently sits you down and makes sure you don't get up by slowly backing away from you.

"Kook, this isn't Marco Polo."

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't run off because you're stubborn!"

"Hey!" Isabella comes running in, a little confused as to what's happening.

"Hey, can you cover me at the front for a bit?" Jungkook stands back upright in a normal position to ask her sweetly, hands tucked behind his back as he bounced on his feet. This boy.

"Yeah, of course Jungkook." She blushes.

"Thanks. I'll be right back." He gives you a quick look before dashing off. You lay your head onto your arms as they rest on the table, a small headache forming at the center of your forehead.

"You okay, Y/N?" Isabella asks softly as she puts her things away.

"Yeah, sorry. Just a really weird day yesterday."

"I'm sorry." You feel her hand caress your back. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She says before shuffling herself out of the room. To be honest, you had no idea what was going on with you, and why you were feeling this way. You were just so sick and tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

This was slowly taking a toll on you, and you weren't even sure if Taehyung realized what he was doing was hurting you in the process.

He can't say he does.

Tae set the weights down back onto the rack aggressively before sitting on the bench, watching Jimin finish his set. They had been working out after lunch, Jimin calling him shortly after Taehyung had fully woken up.

"Are you gonna go to the café after this?" Tae shrugged.

"I don't know, Y/N said she didn't need help and wouldn't be there all day."

"You won't even visit for a bit?" Jimin asks. Usually Tae was rushing to get back to you, but he knew everything that had been going on had been affecting your relationship to an extent.

"We'll see."

"You two coming to the bars tonight then?"

"What are we celebrating again?"

"Nothing. Just getting together like old times. I told Kook, Hobi and Yoongi. They're down." Tae nodded.

"Joon, too?"

"Joon, too."

"Me and Y/N will probably go but I don't think we'll stay long. She has to do that thing at the school—" He scratched his head. "The thing— the exhibit and talking to incoming art students or whatever." Jimin chuckled at how Tae couldn't get his words out.

"It's not whatever."

"You know that's not what I mean." Tae rolled his eyes at him, annoyed all over again at how Jimin had been kissing your ass lately. Cause fuck, the way Jimin had been painting himself as a knight in shining armor, an angel even, was pissing him the fuck off. It made him feel like he wasn't doing enough to support you, or like you couldn't turn to him for help. He hated that feeling, even though he had been rude as hell and showing it in a different way.

"That's fine. Just come out and hang out for a bit." Jimin sighed as he sat on the bench next to him, drinking some water before placing the bottle back down on the ground. "You two doing okay?"

"Yeah, what makes you think we aren't?" Tae asks, getting defensive. Jimin quickly eyes him, reading his body language. He knew Taehyung so well - so fucking well that he knew almost immediately when things were taking a toll on him. Things liiiike.. his parents. As a prime example. Jimin knew Taehyung and his parents obviously didn't have the best relationship, and he knew he took things to heart whenever his father got on him about stupid shit [just like he did over that dinner]. Taehyung wasn't one to show emotion much; he liked showing people he was mentally tough and that he could handle whatever came his way. For the most part, it was true. But, Jimin and Namjoon also knew he wasn't always like that, especially when it came to things that mattered the most to him - his family and you. Taehyung hated to admit it but his family's opinion of him was important no matter what. He was hard on himself because he wanted them to be proud. He wanted to actually feel like he had been doing something good for once. He was still longing for that feeling no matter what he said or did. It was a never-ending battle; like a plot with no happy ending in sight.

"I'm just asking." Jimin threw up his hands, showing that he wasn't suggesting anything behind the harmless question.

"We're fine. I know she's been stressed lately because of work and her art."

"Mmm."

"It's funny." Taehyung chuckles at himself.

"What's funny?" Jimin laughed a bit, confused.

"I didn't expect to be caught up in her like this. After Hana, messing around with all these girls. She's my fucking fiancé."

"Yeah and you better not fuck that up." Jimin stands to gather his things.

"You sound like my dad." Tae jokes, even though he was pretty offended.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to." Jimin instantly apologizes, knowing everyone had been walking on eggshells around Taehyung lately. "She's a good girl, you've got it good."

Taehyung softly smiles at the thought of you, but he wasn't gonna lie, he was hurt by Jimin's statement. Call him sensitive or whatever, but he wasn't feeling the fact that people were constantly looking at him as a fuck up and hinting at it. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme lately. "You ready?" Tae sighs before grabbing his stuff. They get into his car, departing from the gym to make their way to Jimin's so he can get dropped off before Tae heads home. Taehyung replays yesterday's events in his head, which instantly irks him all over again. But, he has such a soft spot for you that he feels terrible for having been too harsh about it. He was still upset, and he wasn't gonna let up on his feelings. But he knew he should have been better about how he approached it. He knew better than that. He's learned to do better.

➤ FLASHBACK

Taehyung excitedly parks his car at the café to surprise you for your pop up today. He had been working endlessly to finish off finals strongly, and he had been so busy that he hadn't really gotten a chance to help you or support you. He felt terrible about it because you were his babygirl and he wanted nothing but to spoil you for all the hardwork you've been putting in.

He creeps up behind you, bouquet of flowers hidden behind his back. "Excuse me, miss." He says lowly near your ear.

"Holy fuck!" You say as he startles you. "Babe, what the hell! Don't do that!" He laughs.

"What's cookin', goodlookin'?" He wiggles his eyebrows, making you chuckle. "These are for you." He smiles toothlessly as he hands you the pretty bouquet. "And your favorite!" He hands you a Mcflurry cup.

You squeal. "Oreo Mcflurry! Aw, thank you baby." You place a quick kiss on his lips. "But don't ever scare me like that!" You playfully hit his chest, causing him to erupt in laughter.

"You should've seen your face."

"Ha-ha, very funny." You rolled your eyes, causing him to pinch your cheeks.

"How's it going?"

"Welp, I'm almost out for the day." You giggle. "I, uh, may have underestimated." You look down at his hoodie, realizing it was one of the hoodies you had made for a previous collection you sold at Jin's. "Waaaow, cute sweater, who made it?"

"Mm, I don't know if you know her. Her name's Y/N."

"Uh huh?" You nod, hand on your hip, waiting to hear more.

"She stands about this tall." He lowers himself close to the ground, causing you to laugh. "Cute, right? She's beautiful, incredibly smart and sexy. Brilliant visual designer and illustrator. Packed with hella attitude." He pretends to ponder on his thoughts. "I could go on about her, really. She's one of a kind."

"Cute. She must feel lucky." You smile.

"I know, I'd feel lucky if I knew me too." You roll your eyes and playfully hit him. "Ah, I'm kidding." He pulls you into a hug. "I keep this sweater in my trunk."

"Oh, so you keep it in your trunk just for emergency wear?" You sarcastically ask as he holds you from behind.

"Yeah, and cause it's the only sweater I'd choose to wear out of the hundreds I own." You smile up at him. "Mhm, not gonna try and win that one." He places a big, sloppy kiss on your cheek before pulling away. "Show me. How can I help my pretty baby today?"

➤ END FLASHBACK

"Hey, I can't stay out late tonight because of the event tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know." Taehyung says softly.

"Please don't drink too much."

"I wooooooon't." He whines with a small sigh, also slightly offended at that statement. He didn't know what it was, maybe it was the fact that his own father painted him in such a negative light that everything seemed off to him lately. Like people were just out to get him or constantly looking down at him and his actions. A personal attack at who he was. It was slowly piling up for him and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

You prepared a quick dinner while he hopped in the shower. You set his plate aside before taking a look at the mail that had come in today.

Bills, bills and more bills.

You sighed to yourself as it felt like you had just paid things off, but clearly not. Moving into Taehyung's wasn't the greatest idea, being that his space was much more expensive than yours. But, he did have the space you needed for your work. There was money left, but you knew it wouldn't last forever. You hated tapping into your savings and whipping out your credit cards because you wanted to keep yourself clean as much as possible. However, that was proven difficult as of late. It was a sacrifice, especially since Taehyung had cut off his mother's help. Taehyung's pride was such a curse sometimes.

You shook your head, already finalizing the fact that you would deal with it later. You had began to set your things aside for the new student event tomorrow morning. You figured you'd get there early to set up and make your table at neat and cute, so you didnt have to worry much about it right now.

Taehyung comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, hair slicked back and wet. You turn to face him, your eyes wandering down to his chest and bottom area. God, why was he so beautiful? It wasn't fair. You loved him so much that you could crumble even being upset. He talks a whole lot about you being the death of him, when really, this man is going to be the death of you. Truly. There's no debate about it.

Getting to the bar, you both immediately spot your friends in the corner, a huge tower of beer decorating the center of the table. Jimin is the first to stand, coming towards you two with a huge smile on his face.

"Friends!" Jimin yells. "Drink!" He says, holding up two shot glasses.

"Fuck, man." Taehyung says taking the glass. "We just got here."

"So! Y/N needs to be home early remember?" He watches wide-eyed as you two take the shot and make sour faces at each other.

"Okay, I'm good." You say, being that you were the DD tonight. Taehyung could enjoy himself if he wanted to [to an extent], but you definitely needed to be in tip top shape to be a good role model to those incoming art students tomorrow.

Throughout the night, the bar starts to get packed from end to end, you and your friends staying at the table and keeping to yourselves. You could tell Taehyung was crossing the line of pretty fucking drunk, which somewhat bothered you. You literally just told him to take it easy tonight - just for one night - so you could do what you need to do tomorrow.

"Hey." Jimin comes next to you, swinging his arm over your shoulder like he always does. "One more shot?" You give him a toothless smile. Ugh, why the hell not? Your man was drunk, and Jimin had only been helpful lately. You could at least return the favor by taking a shot with him.

"What are we drinking to?"

"You." He smiles. "Your shop. Your art. It'll only go up from here, yeah?" He rose his shot glass up before clinking it against yours and taking it to the neck.

"Mkay, that does it for me." You chuckle. "Thanks for the shot."

"No problem. You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." You looked at your watch. "Should probably get out of here soon, but Tae looks like he's enjoying himself. I don't wanna drag him out of here."

"We can just bring him home." You shake your head worriedly.

"I don't wanna leave without him." Jimin chuckles and looks over at Taehyung.

"He'll be okay and you'll be just fine tomorrow. Besides, you can make up all the bullshit in the world to tell the incoming students, they'll believe it either way."

"That's mean." You chuckle.

"Come. Let's dance!" Jimin says, leading the way to the empty space near the table. Everyone gets up to dance, Taehyung slipping himself behind you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"Can I at least get one minute with my lady without Jimin interrupting?" He says in your ear.

"Taehyung." You flatly say, looking back at him.

"That's your mad face." He holds you tightly from behind as he sways you from side to side.

"I'm not mad."

"Mhm." He kisses the back of your head. "Why don't you have fun with me for a little? We'll go home after this." You couldn't even stay mad at him, with that fucking frustratingly handsome face of his. He was definitely drunk though, you could smell the whiskey lingering on his breath as he danced with you for a bit. You let him be, just so you wouldn't trigger anything within drunk Taehyung. Everyone around you was having a good time, the feeling of nostalgia hitting you pretty hard. You missed the days where you could get together and go to parties after a long week of school. Or, when you would tease the fuck out of Taehyung as his fuckbuddy during parties, or at the clubs. You know, before graduation and responsibilities happened.

But as one hour turned into two, and two turned into three, you found yourself getting restless. It was nearing 2AM and you had to be at the school by 8am - even earlier just to set your table up. You made your way to the bathroom, hoping Tae would get the point and start getting himself ready to leave.

Right.

Once you were out the bathroom, he'd realize you had been gone for a little and start saying his goodbye's. He'd realize time got to the best of him. Right?

"It's a fucking good time tonight!" Jimin tells Namjoon, laughing with him as he watches Joon act a fool with his dance moves.

"I'm sure it is, since you've been in Y/N's space the entire night." Taehyung says it jokingly, but he doesn't realize it only comes off that way in his head. Jimin furrows his brows at him, his high quickly dying with Taehyung's unnecessary comment.

"Don't start with all that. Not tonight. Everyone's having a good time--"

"Or what, Jimin?" Taehyung chuckles like the petty ass he can be. "You know it's true. Don't you think it's a little disrespectful to be crossing boundaries?"

"Hey, let's step back for a bit." Jungkook lightly tugs on Taehyung's arm as he hears the conversation going south quickly. But Taehyung breaks from his grip, stepping forward towards Jimin.

"You really think I would do that to you?"

"Haven't you already? Swinging your arms around her and shit, being all angelic--"

"Tae, come on. That's enough. Don't." Namjoon steps in the middle. "Let's go outside to get some air."

"You really wanna make me look that bad in front of my own girl?" Jimin lightly pushes him away, Taehyung getting too into his space.

"Enough." Namjoon shakes his head, aggressively stepping in the way to create distance. Taehyung shakes his head and walks off, the rest of the group watching as he walks. You finish off in the bathroom, assuming Tae was already getting ready to go. However, you realize your assumption of leaving by the time you're back is absolutely incorrect because when you get to the table, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Tae?" Kook looks at you frazzled, before his eyes begin to pan the room again.

"Look, don't freak out, but him and Jimin just got into it and he walked off."

"What the hell do you mean they got into it and he walked off?"

"It's nothing, Tae is just drunk—" Kook squeezes your wrist and shakes his head.

"No, it's not just nothing because you and I both know how he's been feeling lately." You run your hand through your hair. "What did he say?"

"He just got into it about Jimin getting close to you lately, and how he felt like he was disrespecting boundaries." You sigh heavily.

"Fuck."

"We have an issue." Namjoon comes back from out of the blue. "He's not around."

"What do you mean?! Where did he go?" You run your hand through your hair.

"Okay, let's not panic." Jungkook tries to relax you. "Let me go check the bathrooms." Namjoon nods as he continues to look around the room.

"Please? We should get home." He nods to you before he's off to check for Tae in the bathroom. You stand near the table awkwardly, worry filling you quickly the more time passes.

"Hey, you okay? What can I do?" Hobi squeezes your arm, his face flushed with a red tint from how tipsy he is. You give him a small, reassuring smile and nod to try and keep calm.

"I honestly don't know anymore, but I'll be good. I think. We're just gonna look for him and head home."

"Is Kookie looking in the bathroom?" You nod. At this point, you catch a glimpse of Jungkook coming back alone.

"Jungkook?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find him in there. I swear I tried."

"So, where the hell is he?" Jungkook shrugs.

"Lets check around again. I won't leave until we find him."

"Have you tried to call him?" You had already beaten Yoongi's question, calling Taehyung's phone only to see his phone vibrating and ringing on the fucking table. "Hm, okay. Maybe not."

"Fuck." You snatch Taehyung's phone from the table. "Is he serious right now? It's about to be 2:30AM. How the fuck can he get lost at this time?"

"Y/N just go home, we'll find him and bring him home." Jimin says, coming back from roaming around the place.

"No, I'm not leaving here without him."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." He says, looking at you in the eye. Although he was pretty fucking pissed, he couldn't help but worry about him either. No matter what, that was still his bestfriend. He didn't want anything to happen to him.

"It's not your fault."

"We need to check around the neighborhood." Jungkook suddenly comes back and grabs your arm. You follow him, Yoongi, Hobi, Namjoon and Jimin outside of the bar, the cold hitting your skin harshly.

"Let's split." Namjoon says. Jimin and Hobi split, Namjoon and Yoongi sticking together to go down a different path. You kept yourself close to Jungkook, knowing there were all sorts of drunk ass men out at this hour and you weren't helping wearing a tiny ass skirt and a deep cut shirt.

"Cutiepie, let me come holla!" A dude yells as he tries to swing his arm around your waist. Jungkook easily pushes him off, glaring at him.

"Back the fuck up." He spits out, your bestfriend coming to your rescue amongst the sea of men you're encountering on the sidewalk right now. He throws his jacket over your shoulders, hoping to shield you from them and the cold. "Your outfit." Jungkook frowns, a little worried.

"I mean, I didn't expect to lose Tae tonight." Once you had gotten to a quieter part of the street, you come from behind to walk beside him. "Where the hell could he have gone?" You whine. You're more worried for his safety and wellbeing right now more than anything and all you wanted to do was find him and bring him home, even though you were slightly worrying about yourself and how things would go tomorrow. You could give him an earful later. It could wait.

"He couldn't have gone far." You both continue down the street, heading towards your car, hoping he may be around the area. Jimin calls to check in, saying him and Hobi hadn't caught sight of him yet, and the same thing goes for Yoongi and Joon. You almost want to cry when you don't see Taehyung near your car, but Jungkook ends up walking further down towards the park near your parking spot. "Y/N! Here!" He calls out, running towards an individual slumped over on their knees on a bench. "Taehyungie?" Jungkook sits next to him and shakes him a bit.

"Shit dude, I just kept walking then I suddenly had no idea where I was at." He drunkily says as you sit next to him and sigh heavily.

"No one said you had to do that, Tae."

"I just needed some air."

"Yeah and look where that got you, it's close to 3AM." You respond, irritated.

"Y/N." Jungkook says softly, shaking his head at you as if he were signaling for you to quit with your attitude. "Let's go back to the car." Jungkook watches him stand up and wobble a bit, but eases up when he realizes Taehyung is capable of walking himself to the car. You three get back safely, letting the others know that you had found him before driving Jungkook back towards the club so he can meet with everyone else. You quickly thank him for his support before driving off to head home.

The car is incredibly cold, and silent.

"Love, I'm sorry. I just needed air and got lost." He breaks the silence.

"I see that." You say softly as you drive home, keeping your eyes glued to the road in front of you.

3:23AM.

"Please don't be mad." He gives your thigh gentle squeeze. "I just got a little into my head tonight." You sighed, gently removing his hand from your thigh.

"Taehyung, I'm your fiancé, I'm doing this with you and only you. Do you even understand how worried I was? You just walked off, without your phone. Without saying anything to me. Just cause you got in your head for no reason."

"I'm sorry." He repeats at a whisper. You don't say anything else for the rest of the drive home. You silently park the car and head to the apartment, Taehyung sluggishly following behind you. He knows you're bothered, knowing it's closing to 3:30AM and you had an early morning. Honestly, he didn't realize how drunk he was until he had gotten himself into that argument with Jimin then got lost, especially without his phone. The fact that he had made you worry and stress like that made him feel terrible, especially after these past few days. You could have easily left, but you didn't leave without him even if it was this late. He instantly just wanted to cuddle you and tell you how sorry he was.

You quietly get ready for bed and line your things up by the door, just so it would be an easy quick and grab as you head out in the morning. You slip yourself into the sheets, Taehyung following shortly after he gets himself ready for bed. He shuts off all the lights and grabs himself a water bottle to sit by his nightstand before slipping in next to you.

"I love you." He whispers against your ear, wrapping his arms around you. But you don't respond. He peeks over to see your eyes shut, silently sighing to himself as he nuzzled his head against the nape of your neck. He knows you aren't fast asleep yet, and it hurts him that you hadn't said it back. You both just knew exactly how to love each other well, but also push each other's buttons. But, maybe, it was true - he was just fucking up left and right lately. Enough for you to go to bed without saying 'I love you' back.

'cause baby if i find a way, i'm sure of it, this love won't stray; just give me a chance to say i love you, and i need you. now are you here to stay, or fade away like every other day? you're the reason that i lie awake

track two: 3AM - finding hope

#bts #bts fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #kth x reader #writing #restart #restart series #sequel to perfectly wrong #perfectly wrong sequel #kth series #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung smut #kim taehyung angst #kim taehyung fluff #kim taehyung smut #kth angst #kth fluff #kth smut

[definitely-not-a-wasp]

I'm okay with a bunch of disorganized rambling honestly 😂. But if I had to narrow it down then I guess I want to know about main and side characters and how they compare to the original?

I know that tumblr is the Prime Site for disorganized rambling, but I have perfectionism issues. But that is a great question, nonnie, and I will be happy to ramble is a slightly less disorganized fashion.

When reading Maximum Ride as a somewhat-formed adult who discovered they enjoy English classes about 3.5 years ago, I noticed that JP, when writing, doesn't understand consistency. At all. Which means, in many ways, I have a free sandbox to work with.

Spoilers for my rewrite WIP, because I strongly believe that if a story would no longer be good if one had spoilers, then it wasn’t a good story in the first place.

I'm trying to keep the backstories the same, plus or minus the scientific method and a few characters (RIP my OCs. I want to bring you back so bad but it wouldn't fit with the thematic narrative). I've mostly kept their (starting) abilities the same, too. Without further ado, I'm going to introduce some WorldBuilding. (If I'm good at nothing else, I'm good at world building)

First off. Logically.

How are they getting Cable?

How are they getting internet?

How are they getting money to eat and stuff?

JP's answer: handwave it off. Sometimes you need to ignore logistics for the sake of plot. This is an answer I'd accept from an author that I like, such as Julie Kagawa, that makes amazing worlds, characters, and narratives that I will happily handwave a few things that wouldn't work in the real world. James Patterson, on the other hand, did not make any of that; he made a cool concept, some good rough-draft characters, and nothing else, and therefore this is an unforgivable sin.

Wasp's answer: They are not getting any of that.

Introducing Cottagecore.

The house is off the grid. Solar Panels and a wind turbine create electricity. They have their own well. They grow their own food, raise livestock for eggs, milk, and wool, and trap fish for meat. They get money through dumpster diving and pawning. They still have to steal half of the necessities they can’t make themselves. They do have a TV, but it can access about three channels on a clear day. Internet is only a thing when they go to the public library.

Giving the flock a background that’s heavy in farming and livestock rearing shores up the plot holes mentioned above, but in my opinion, ties the flock more tightly to the environment, thus giving them something tangible to lose when they have to leave the E-shaped house. Because they’re not just leaving a house and a safety net— they’re leaving their entire way of life with no promise of getting it back. It also gives them a tangible connection to the earth in case I want to actually pursue the global warming themes.

Main Characters

Maximum “Max” Ride (Birthname: nonexistent)

First off, I'm letting her be Latina, James Patterson.

In the original, Max was very much the headstrong, independent, action girl. Leaning into Strong Female Character (TM), but overall she had a strong, solid foundation and enough character consistency through the first three books for me to not have to just make an entire new character. However, I felt that she was, in some ways, a bit too Action-Girl and Strong and Capable. Yes, Max is incredible and competent, but she’s also fourteen. She’s a child.

In the rewrite, Max’s character is still headstrong, independent, capable, and sometimes not the best at listening to others. All of that’s the same. But she’s that way not because of girlboss energy, but because there’s no one else to do it. She doesn’t want to lead, necessarily. She wants to get some rest and let someone else handle the problems life keeps throwing at her. But she knows if she did that, the responsibility of leader would fall to Fang and Iggy, and she can’t ask that of them. She doesn’t want to place that burden on anyone else (Look, there’s a reason I chose Ayano’s Theory of Happiness as one of her signifier songs, okay?). Her narrative is very much centered around burden, and also around loss. She lost her cultural heritage when she was taken away from her birth family, she lost her childhood to being a leader, she lost a good deal of her friends to the school (RIP my OCs), she lost Jeb, and then she lost her stability. And she’s going to lose a lot more before the end of the story. So a lot of her character arc deals with learning that there are some things she can’t fix, some things that can’t be recovered. She can’t get the E-shaped house back. She can’t get her Little Baby Angel back, even after they rescue her. She can’t get her friends back from the school. And instead of working so hard to recover those or find something to replace them, she has to learn to live with that sense of loss and move on with her life without feeling guilty for leaving things behind. And she has to learn that asking for help and sharing her burden is selfish or weak.

Other changes I made that don’t necessarily fit into her narrative arc, but you asked for rambling so rambling you shall get:

Max hallucinates, because mental illness is also a prominent theme in the rewrite. She doesn’t have a psychotic disorder, but her C-PTSD causes visual/audio hallucinations, especially when she’s stressed or sleep deprived. 

Max ends up having a Gender Discovery throughout the story and goes by He/She pronouns eventually. I don’t know when, but it will happen.

As far as genetic modifications/special quirks go, she can fly faster than the rest of the flock, but not 300 miles per hour. She averages about sixty mph with diving speeds of 240. She cannot breathe underwater or shut down her organs on command. She also has the Super Special Power to predict the weather, but that’s not because of genetics, it’s because she has chronic pain in her right arm that gets worse when weather fronts change.

Her favored weapon is her trusty rebar that she picked up from a condemned building. I think she’s going to name it eventually but I don’t know what yet.

Fang (Birth name: Gabriel Xue)

In canon, Fang is characterized in early books by being the “dark, strong, silent type”. He’s probably the most reserved member of the flock, to the point of falling into the Brooding Mystery Man trope in parts of the book. They care a lot, but they’re not the best at conveying that, especially with the younger members of the flock, and at times their high empathy leads them to making mistakes. Despite the high empathy, he’s often compared to a robot due to his lack of expression and external emotions.

Well, first change is that they’re not a man, so jot that down—

If Max’s narrative is centered around burden and loss, I would probably say that Fang’s is centered around humanity and moving on. None of the flock was treated as human while in the school, but Fang was more often than not treated like a wild animal due to “behavioral issues”, and therefore had and continues to have a difficult time considering themselves real and alive, let alone human. This manifests through a several different ways— where in canon Fang definitely had a ‘fight’ reaction, in the re-write they have a ‘freeze’ or ‘shut down’ instinct. They’re selectively mute for multiple reasons (including derealization, jaw pain, the fact that they didn’t learn how to speak until they were 10, and genuinely forgetting it’s something they’re capable of), a period of Cotard’s syndrome, and a tendancy towards self-loathing and self-sacrifice. In short, Fang is still halfway stuck in the mindset that most of the flock grew out of when they escaped in the school, and doesn’t know how to move past it.

Much of their character arc revolves around not necessarily seeing themselves as human, but learning to treat themselves as human even when they don’t feel like one (or even feel real), and knowing that just because they don’t feel human all the time doesn’t mean anyone else can treat them the same. They never start easily expressing their emotions, and they’re always going to be selectively mute, but they learn to accept that those aspects of themself aren’t character flaws or signs that they’re sub-human. 

Other additions to Fang’s character include:

They don’t get their hair cut in New York. It stays long through the entire series. They have the longest hair in the flock by the end of the series, and they can wear it in so many styles.

Fang uses they/it pronouns because themes of reclaiming the weapons used against it and, more importantly, Gender.

They’re actually really good at spelling compared to the rest of the flock, because they and Iggy communicate with Print-On-Palm when they’re nonverbal, and they’re nonverbal for some pretty long stretches of time. 

They and Max have... zero romantic tension. At all. There is none. The number of times Max calls them her sibling/little sibling in the first arc alone is staggering, and that will not change.

Igneous “Iggy” (Birthname: Jamsetta “Jamie” Griffiths)

I’ve talked about Iggy before. Canon doesn’t give us much to go off of, but from what’s shown, he’s smart, sarcastic, has sharper edges than Fang and Max, and also has a sizable ruthless streak. So that’s what I have to go off of.

The big difference between Iggy and Fang&Max is that Iggy has a much better memory of the School. Most of the flock have areas (months or years) that they don’t remember, or people that they’ve blocked from their mind, but Iggy... doesn’t. So he’s the one that remembers all of the other AVIAN test subjects that were old enough to have names and identities but died due to complications. Max might have the burden of leadership, but he has the burden of memory. And that has lead to both a massive fucking guilt complex, because why did he survive when they didn’t, and, as mentioned above, a ruthless streak that he doesn’t shy away from.

Which is to say, by the end of the story, Iggy has the highest kill count.

I love, love writing Iggy next to Max and Fang. I love writing Iggy next to Gazzy and Nudge. Because, I say this with all of the love of the world, but Iggy is not a good person. He is loyalty and love incarnate, and the world can burn down if he and his siblings are safe. Max and Fang will always try to save as many people as they can. They will wonder what’s wrong with them the first time they kill and don’t have a mental breakdown about it. They are good in a way that Iggy is not. He’s okay with killing Erasers. He’s okay with killing humans. He’s okay with killing people who might not necessarily deserve it, if they show themselves as a threat or are simply in the blast radius. He knows perfectly well that most of those Erasers he’s murdering are four and five and he is okay with that, because a lot of the AVIANs were that age when they died. (Yeah, in the rewrite it’s not Fang who has an issue with Ari; it’s Iggy who wants the 7-year-old wolf-boy dead.) 

And this is, of course, juxtaposed with Iggy being really, really good with Nudge and Gazzy (especially in the beginning). Because, again, he actually remembers being a child. He remembers a lot of kids that died and is therefore fiercely protective of the kids that didn’t, as well as fiercely protective of the innocence that he never got. So he’s the one that cooks their favorite foods when they’re having a bad day, always makes time when they want to talk about something, and convinces Max to let them go to that toy store in New York because, yeah, he Max and Fang aren’t kids. They never were. But Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel can be. (And if he has to be a murderer to preserve that, then he’s perfectly okay with that.)

He and Angel don’t get along very well, though. The telepath doesn’t like hanging out with the person with the most clear memories of the school.

Other additions:

Iggy is trans and says trans rights

He also has paranoid episodes, because C-PTSD. Sometimes they’re very helpful. Sometimes they are not.

I actually decided that he’s one of the flock that doesn’t meet their parents. I know in canon he did, but I always found that very clunky because it didn’t add to his character. He was one of the characters who, until it was convenient for the plot, seemed to care the least about his family. I’d much rather give that to a character whose arc would benefit from it.

Iggy! Gets! Older Sibling Rights! Seriously, he’s two months younger than Fang, he is just as capable.

Iggy does not know braille because Jeb decided it wasn’t necessary for him to know. Iggy is also the best speller in the flock, because Print-on-Palm was the only way to talk to Fang for a solid year. Yes he mocks everyone over this.

Iggy is the only member of the flock that enjoys swimming and can take into the air from water. Everyone else in the flock is incredibly jealous.

Nudge (Birthname: Monique Robinson)

If Iggy is defined by his memories, Nudge is his polar opposite. She was seven when she left the School, but she has next to no memories of it. She is missing a lot of time in the first year she escaped. And that causes... a lot of things. It makes her feel disconnected from her older siblings, it gives her the ability to function in society in a way the other’s can’t, it lets her feel less grief over the ones that didn’t make it and she doesn’t remember, it makes her feel guilty that she doesn’t remember what she’s old enough to know. 

Basically, in order for me to keep the character of Nudge as I saw her (more extroverted, not afraid of the world, fascinated with humans like her siblings aren’t, desiring to fit in instead of isolate), I had to put a little bit of distance between her and the flock. Of course, she loves them— that will in no way change— but she’s old enough that she should remember the school (and her dead friends) unlike Gazzy and Angel, but she can’t, and she very much fears forgetting the flock if anything happens to them. So she’s trying desperately to keep the flock close and wants desperately to experience the world at the same time, and doesn’t know what to do when she can’t have both. That’s her biggest character conflict throughout the series, along with that in-between area where she’s not quite where her older siblings are but understands so much more than Gazzy and Angel, and where she stands in that.

So yeah. Nudge’s journey is that in looking for belonging in the world, in her family, and in herself.

This is why she’s one of the ones that gets to find her parent, James Patterson. 

Other additions include:

She never straightens her hair. Never. Her resources at the E-shaped house aren’t perfect, but she still has learned how to take care of her hair and has a few styles she cycles through.

She becomes the default person Max sics on people when the flock is trying to befriend them. Also their de-facto diplomat around strangers.

As in canon, she does take some time away from the flock to expirience ‘normal life’. This does not last long due to the stress of being separated from her siblings/not being able to help them and [REDACTED]

Nudge is... not the only person in her head. I’m not focusing on it much because she doesn’t actually know and neither does the flock (I don’t know if they ever figure it out during the series, either), but she has dissociative identity disorder. She’s not aware of her alter(s?). Her alter isn’t super aware of her, either. 

The alter that I’ve developed is named Oxy and is not super aware of the outside world. In her eyes, she’s still seven and they’re still at the School. She would not recognize the body as her own if she looked in a mirror.

Nudge actually leaves the flock for a while to pursue her dream of living a normal life. She deserves it. She learns how to make muffins and the basics of software development. These things are unrelated.

Gasman (Birthname: No first name, surname “Falk”)

Honestly, writing Gazzy is kind of hard for me. Partially because I’m not great at writing kids, and partially because I feel like he’s a pretty surface-level character in-series that... isn’t super compelling in canon. But even if that’s the case, I try to treat all of my characters with respect, so here we go. In my rewrite, he escaped when he was four, which was half a lifetime ago for him, so his memories are ill-defined. Therefore, he managed to circumvent a lot of the trauma that the rest of the kids have, and not in the way Nudge did, which is by creating an elaborate blockage in her memories. 

Which means Gazzy... really doesn’t know how to deal with all of this traumatic stuff happening. So much of his development turns out to be a coming-of-age narrative. Learning how to deal with the horrors of what his siblings grew up with. Learning the fears that they had the entire time. Losing his innocence when everyone around him never had it in the first place, and being so terribly alone because of it. Because, really, how can you explain such a deep loss to people who never had what he had? How can they help in a way that matters?

Also, relationship-wise, I’m slowly deteriorating the relationship between him and Iggy. Slowly. Or, changing it, at least. Gazzy hero-worships Iggy in-series, and for good reason, because Iggy is super cool, especially in the eyes of an eight-year-old, and especially when Iggy has taken care to cultivate parts of his behaviors to be child-friendly. Part of growing up is seeing the flaws in your heroes, and Gazzy has to learn how to deal with it. End of the series Gazzy is much less closer to Iggy than beginning of the series Gazzy, and neither of them are really okay with that, but they learn to live with it, because that’s really all they can do.

Notes:

I’m keeping the mimickry! It plays a bit of a bigger role because that’s how Gazzy learned to talk. I’m debating whether or not he has his own voice or if he just borrows the flock’s as he sees fit. He also uses it to scream really loudly and occaisonally burst the eardrums of Erasers.

At one point he cosplays as Jessica Jones. No you don’t get any more context than this.

He has a horrible sense of fashion.

I’m changing his name eventually because it sucks. He’s either going to change it to Gannet, Garrison, or Ivy Mike temporarily, and permanently to Zephyr. (I never said I was going to make his name GOOD, because he’s eight, but it’s changing. You’re welcome.)

Angel (Birthname: No first name, surname “Falk”)

It’s just... a completely different character, at this point. I’ve changed so many things about her in an attempt to make her consistent and act like a six-year-old and work in the whole “telepath before she has a solid sense of identity”, so it’s a different character. Also, I’m tired of writing coherently or in paragraphs, so have some interesting facts.

She has epilepsy! Super severe epilepsy! I think she might also develop juvenile MS in the future because her brain has so many scars from being a fucking six-year-old telepath. There’s no way she could get out of that unscathed.

She has more memories of the school than Gazzy, but only because she keeps accidentally reading the minds of Max, Fang, and Iggy. On a related note, she interacts with Iggy as little as possible.

The mind reading means that she has a hard time developing as a normal child with a normal sense of identity or reality. She can’t tell how much people are individual people and how much they’re just extensions of her. Conversely, she can’t tell how much of herself is actually her instead of the thoughts/opinions/identities of someone else. It’s... kinda fucked? But also super not-her-fault. 

She’s albino because white wings. Also, because I thought it was cool. This also means that her vision sucks, though. Also she has the biggest straw sunhat and the most stylish sunglasses a six-year-old can have.

She’s responsible for Max shaving her hair off.

She has the highest swear count because I think it’s funny. She’s the only person allowed to say the fuck word in writing. Everyone else can only say ‘hell’ and the occasionally ‘damn’ but she can say whatever she wants for dramatic and comedic value.

She is NOT THE FUCKING VOICE, J*MES P*TTERSON.

Honorable Mentions

Jeb

I’m skipping Jeb because of how little I care about him. He’s a little bitch, next character.

Ari

STILL HASN’T BEEN REVEALED AS AN ERASER. I’ve been writing for 50,000 words and he’s over here saying ‘nope nope not yet, not dramatic enough’. He’s had speaking lines but has refused to make himself known to Max. I am so frustrated with this seven-year-old wolf-child that I’ve already considered how I would kill him, if I decide I want to kill yet another child in my writing.

So, my main thoughts for Ari is that he... really just drew the short end of the stick in every possible way. While Jeb didn’t sign him up for Eraser expirimentation, he didn’t do anything to stop it, and pretty much cut his losses when he realized this expiriment made a wreck of his ‘perfect, unflawed’ son, because Jeb doesn’t consider children of any species to actually be humans. So, Ari really hates his dad, which makes things complicated, because he also really loves his dad and really wants his approval. 

Which means that he also really hates Max, because she’s the child that always got Jeb’s time and attention, even when Ari was human. I think, on some level, he knows that trying to tear Max down to a less-favored level isn’t actually going to help his situation— infighting for the love of an abusive parent won’t make them any less abusive— but he’s also seven, and his development is already severely stunted due to becoming an Eraser, and he doesn’t see ‘leaving ITEX’ as an option like the Flock does. ITEX is his everything. It’s all he’s ever known, and they tell him he’s doing the right thing, and he wants them to love him. He wants his father to love him. He knows that if he ever questions ITEX, his father will never love him. So it must be his older sister that’s ruining his life and being a horrible child, and once Ari drags her back down to his level, Jeb will realize who the best child is and love him properly again.

Ari, on an even deeper level, does care for Max quite a bit, because she’s his older sister and he wants that to mean something in a way that ‘Jeb being his father’ obviously doesn’t. He wants what she made for herself, and he hates the Flock because she loves them and obviously doesn’t love him. 

Ari, if anything, is the product of neglect, and both loves and hates everyone who shows a chance of caring about him. And he’s seven, so he can’t notice these patterns, let alone break them.

So. Notes!

He doesn’t look like an adult. I thought that was gross and unnecessary. He’s seven, but he looks closer to thirteen or fourteen. Still young enough that he looks like every Eraser’s little brother, and the Erasers high-key treat him like it.

On a related note, he’s the only Eraser who can talk. The others don’t have the mental capacity or vocal structure to replicate human speech, but they can understand language (at about the level of a two or three year old) and are very good at nonverbal communication. This is why Ari managed to climb the ranks despite only having three years of “service” and also looking like a tween.

He doesn’t have an expiration date because that is SUCH a stupid plot point.

I’m giving him a chainsaw! I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but he deserves to have a chainsaw and GODDAMN I will give it to him.

Emergency and Gene

The OCs that I love and also killed pre-series. They don’t have any scenes, because they’re dead, but their deaths greatly effected Max, Fang, and Iggy, and they are very commonly referenced. Their voices are probably Max’s most common hallucination, to the point where she sometimes pretends they’re ghosts that she can talk to. They’re not ghosts. They’re dead.

Dr. Valencia Martinez

I’m actually keeping her pretty close to canon— loving, supportive, the type of person to take in a gsw victim with minimal questions. The difference is that rather than kindness fueling her actions, it’s incredible guilt. She has three goals surrounding Max: Give her as much support in any way she can, teach her as much about chicane culture as possible, and never let Max know that she’s her birth parent.

(She’s probably going to fail at AT LEAST two of those, but it’s the thought that counts.)

Notes:

She has a pet fox named Robin Hood that she rescued from an exotic animal salesman that got arrested.

I think I’m going to kill her. I don’t know yet, but it’s on the table.

Anne Walker

Y’know, the fake FBI Agent. Who’s not actually a fake in my story because I hated that plot point. She’s genuinely an FBI agent who put the Flock into pseudo-witness-protection in order to build a case against the Institute of Higher Living, accidentally got attached to her prime witnesses, raised them for a few months, realized a [SPOILER] and promptly had to let them get the hell out dodge.

I really like the Anne Walker that lives in my head. She is a VITAL part of the Flock’s development, their mental/emotional recovery, and adding to their safety net to fall back on. She serves them as their first adult role model, and is the first adult to show them what parent/child are supposed to look like from a healthy perspective. Though she has several fuck ups, she becomes someone that the Flock genuinely trusts and loves, which makes it all the more difficult for them to leave when [REDACTED].

Notes:

She and Max do butt heads initially, because Max is paranoid and also afraid of becoming uneeded. This ends up being incredibly important because Max needs to learn how to live and find meaning in life without being the designated Leader/Parent/Big Sister

Anne, at one point, sits the entire flock down to teach them about consent, which was something no one ever talked about with them before. She goes in talking specifically about consent in a romantic/sexual sense (because they’re fourteen and that’s something they need to know), but quickly turns into a full-fledged no, people are NOT allowed to do that to you, what the FUCK.

She’s responsible for giving the flock a laptop. It’s because Angel is online schooled (bc telepathy makes actually learning difficult) and was therefore provided with a computer.

Anne is also allowed to swear, but only when it’s funny.

Michael “Grey” Rivers

Aka Grey from the Sewers Aka GR3Y H47 Aka Mike from the Bronx Aka Gifted Child Syndrome Incarnate Aka Would-be-in-MIT-if-his-parents-weren’t-horrible. He’s my son, your honour.

Basically, his backstory boils down to him being a genius, getting into MIT at 14, his (horrible) parents wanting a perfect child who could “make it out” of the Bronx and represent his family/neighborhood/borough to the world. When he inevitably failed their expectations due to stress, a schizophrenic-spectrum disorder that completely alienated him from the rest of his support network, and refusing to take his psych meds because the side effects were horrible and they made it harder to think (and therefore pass his classes), they kicked him out. He fully intends to go back to MIT when he turns 18 and has control of his finances/scholarships/medication/therapy.

So that’s how the flock meets him. 

Mike ends up in a very prominent support role for the flock both in technological persuits (helping them track their parents, helping them get information from ITEX, trying to disable Max’s chip and failing multiple times until it becomes a matter of personal honour—), in helping the older members of the flock figure out how to deal with hallucinations/delusions (because he’s actually been to therapy, unlike them), and in being one of the only people who talks to them and helps them without any ulterior motive. He’s not trying to build a case against ITEX/The Institute of Higher Learning, he’s not double crossing them, he’s not plagued with guilt. He just genuinely wants to help them, and they genuinely want to help him, and that’s their first introduction to a healthy, non-codependent relationship.

My many disorganized notes on Michael Rivers:

He’s from specifically Morris Heights, Bronx, NYC.

He would say that his last name is actually Rivera, but his grandparents changed it to Rivers so it would sound more English, and his family has been in America for so long that he doesn’t know much about any Latino heritage he may or may not have. He identifies as African American, not Afro-Latino. He’s just bitter that his family felt the need to change their surname to have better opportunities in New York.

Nudge aggressively befriends him pretty much the moment she meets him, bullies him into teaching her how to code, and he very quickly adopts her as his pseudo-little-sister.

His delusions in the book seemed to involve government conspiracies, but as that’s the one delusion that is proved correct in the book, I’ve decided it would be best if his delusions and reality intersected a bit less if I don’t want to write him having a manic/paranoid episode in the second scene he has screen time. So his delusions are more based on “none of this is real”, “someone is recording everything I do and setting me up to fail” and “my ill-wishes on people can and will come true if I dwell on them too long.”. Government conspiracies are one of things he is skeptical about because he thinks most conspiracies are either “CIA admitted to this twenty years ago” or “antisemitism”.

He’s taking online free college classes that don’t actually give him any college credit, but they have good information and help him feel like he’s working towards something. He plans to double major in computer sciences and electrical engineering, minor in marine biology. He’s wanted to join NOAA since he was twelve and he is nothing if not stubborn.

There you go. These are my characters, now. I have custody.

#maximum ride on main #Maximum Ride rewrite

[disgruntledspacedad]

HEADCANONS!!! So a past bad relationship of Ears has been referenced. I'm sure it will play into your story at some point so no spoilers requested! BUT - how does that experience manifest in how Ears interacts with Javi? Is she reminded of that relationship by things Javi does (or - most importantly - doesn't) do? How does Javi help her cope (if he does at all given Ears is proud and likely not to admit to much at first!)? xoxox

Actually, I had not planned to explore this in depth at all, because it’s potentially triggery and because Ears is deeply ashamed of allowing herself to get into such a situation to begin with. It’s one of those secrets that she’ll take to the grave, if she has anything to say about it.

But that’s a crying shame, because Ears’ past abuse is integral to how I perceive her. Strap in, folks. We’re about to take a deep dive into the darker history behind our favorite chaotic sunshine child. Trigger warning for discussions of nonconsensual sex, controlling behavior, and general shittiness below:

Andrew Lewis was Ears’ army recruiter. Ears first met him when she was seventeen. Andrew was 28. He was tall and blond and pretty, with bright green eyes and a smooth as silk personality.

They got on like a house on fire. Andrew complimented her intelligence and work ethic, and Ears, who had very little positive male attention in her life, fell for this tactic pretty hard. It’s not long before they are “dating.” Andrew feeds her all the lines - that she’s special, that he’s never met anybody like her, that he can’t wait to spend his life with her, that bullshit. He buys her all kinds of little gifts and takes her out of town for dinner. Ears eats it all up.

But he’s careful to remind her that the relationship has to stay secret. Fraternization is a word that he throws around a lot. Once Ears realizes what that means, it scares the living shit out of her, but by now, she’s so deeply invested in this relationship that she’s too afraid to do anything about it.

Once Ears starts questioning things, Andrew’s demeanor shifts. There are no more dates, no more compliments. Ears needs to keep quiet or else. Andrew never hits her - he’s smart enough not to leave marks - but Ears is afraid of him anyway. She’s forced to do a lot of sexual favors that she has no interest in, and Andrew is mean as a snake if she doesn’t perform exactly the way he likes. The entire thing is incredibly stressful and demeaning, and it’s not long before Ears resents Andrew, and herself.

Desperate, she goes to her brother Danny (also a military guy) for advice. Danny laughs in her face, tells her she got what she deserves for fucking an officer, tells her good luck reporting. “Better keep your head down and do as your told, Shrimp. You’re just his little whore, and he knows it.”

Ears takes a big risk when she’s twenty years old and transfers from her community college to a state university four hours away. At this point, Andrew was already losing interest and openly fucking other women, but Ears is still terrified that Andrew will trash her career. For the next two years, Ears is at his beck and call on long weekends and during school breaks. She longs to tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine, but Andrew could easily ruin her and receive nothing but a slap on the wrist, and the idea of disappointing Jack and proving Danny right is intolerable.

So Ears obeys. Sometimes it’s weeks, or even months, between encounters, but still, Ears is never really free of Andrew.

By the time she’s deployed to Kuwait, it’s been over a year since she’s seen him. It doesn’t matter. Ears is constantly looking over her shoulder, terrified that her past choices are going to bite her in the ass. Fear and shame define the first decade of her adult life.

Quitting the Army is one of the most liberating choices she’s ever made.

Ears’ history impacts her relationship with Javi deeply. Really, you can argue that all of Rules of Engagement is just Ears battling her demons. When we first meet her in Rules, Ears is wary and very guarded, almost on a hair trigger. Several times Javi is being genuinely nice to her, or giving her pretty obvious signals, and Ears still looks at him like he’ll bite. She’s terrified of somebody finding out about their relationship, even though they don’t work for the same organization. Her feelings make her feel vulnerable and exposed, she doesn’t want to accept help or money, doesn’t want to give up control of her life. This defensiveness lasts even into Aftershocks, where she’s very quick to snap at Javi, “don’t tell me how to feel.”

Regarding bedroom stuff, Ears isn’t big on being pinned or cuffed. She’s let Javi restrain her with one of his ties before, but that was Javi. She trusts him, and besides, he asked her nicely first.

When Ears offers to let Javi fuck her face in Yours, that’s a very big thing. I think I say something along the lines of, “you’ve never offered this to a man in your life...” She swore up and down that she’d never have that experience again, but Ears ends up breaking lots of her rules for Javier Peña.

Breath play is completely out of the question.

Ears is super sensitive to power dynamics, and her relationship with Andrew is partially to blame. She’s used to subtly navigating so that she’s got the upper hand in a conversation, and she’s constantly evaluating and reevaluating what she should say next, how to leave herself an out. Years of having her career held over her head by an abusive asshole have made her almost paranoid, but it’s a trait that serves her well in Colombia.

This is why Bill Stechner’s swerve in The White Room rankles so bad. One again, Ears has found herself on a ball and chain, and once again, she perceives it as entirely her fault.

She will never, ever admit this to Javier Peña. Ears is fiercely independent, and her deepest fear is for anybody not to perceive her that way. She sees her past as a weakness, and she’ll die before she lets Javi in on it.

Javi might pick up on certain little quirks here or there. He knows Ears well enough to see when she’s uncomfortable, and he adjusts his behavior accordingly. There are moments when Javi might have darker suspicions, but he doesn’t dwell on them. Ears is so unlike any woman that Javi’s ever been with that it’s almost impossible to gauge her behavior as normal or abnormal. Besides, the idea of anybody hurting Hannah Aarons is painful in the extreme, and Javi doesn’t want his mind to go there.

Ears would tell him if it were something like that, surely.

That’s not to say that Javier Peña doesn’t help Ears cope with her trauma. Of course he does. He’s just not aware that he’s doing it.

Every time he looks at her like he really sees her.

Every time he considers her opinion.

Every time he asks her if it’s okay to try something new.

Every time he tells her she’s beautiful and means it.

Every time he drops those soft little kisses to her forehead, cheeks, and nose. The ones that aren’t sexually gratifying at all, the ones that are just barely brushes of his lips because he just can’t restrain himself from touching her intimately.

Every time he asks for for a story.

Every day that she wakes up cradled in his arms.

Every day that he’s patient with her abruptness, or kind when she hesitates, or understanding when she’s wary.

Every time he respects her “no.”

Every time he goes out of his way to pick her up from work so she doesn���t have to walk.

Every time he works his ass off to bring her to completion.

Every time he stares at her with that awestruck, stunned, love-dumb expression.

Every time he waits up for her on the sofa.

Every time he subtly shows her off to the Search Bloc boys.

Every time he tells her he’s proud of her.

Every time he tells her she’s amazing.

Every time he whispers Spanish into her hair.

Every time Javier Peña shows her what it is like to be truly, deeply loved, Hannah Aarons heals a little more.

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #Javier Peña x ofc #narcos #narcos netflix #better love #Hannah Aarons #javiears #Javi x ears #tw: noncon #tw: abusive relationship

[frenchpuppycormier]

Prom Night!

(ao3)

word count: 2k

rating: T

Shoutout to @krdnvrs for being my number one fan and cheerleader on all of my random ideas, and for listening to me complain. Another thanks to @red-cape-morgana for being my glorified cheerleader ;)

They were in Midvale, working a case, when it happened.

Somehow Lex managed to lace the water supply with kryptonite, the team got wind of it, and so they went to investigate.

Lena, now an integral part of the team, tagged along.

Alex, J’onn, Brainy, and Nia went first to make sure everyone was safe and that the kryptonite wouldn’t harm anyone, while also checking to see what kind of kryptonite it was and how it would affect Kara.

Kara and Lena are staying back at the town line. Waiting patiently. Some more than others.

“Will you please stop pacing? You’re stressing me out,” Lena rubs at her temples.

Kara stops mid-step, skidding on the loose gravel, and sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m just really anxious right now, and I’m scared of what they might find. I mean, what if—Eliza lives here! I can’t just—

“Hey,” Lena interrupts by placing both hands on Kara’s forearms. “It’ll be fine. Eliza isn’t even here. She’s out of town, remember?”

Kara lets out a deep breath and nods.

“Can I—Kara, can I give you a hug?” she asks, timidly. Lena won’t openly admit it, but Kara’s the only one she openly and freely gives hugs to. Anyone else and it’s touch and go.

Kara smiles, “Duh! You don’t even have to ask, you know that.” She wrangles her arms out from Lena’s hands and wraps her own around the CEO’s shoulders, burying her face in raven hair.

Lena grips her hands tightly around the hero’s back and inhales deeply, the sweet smell of honey and lavender from the blonde's shampoo, and the hint of earth which makes Kara, Kara.

The moment was quickly disrupted by a chirping in Kara’s ear. She steps back slightly so one arm is still resting on Lena’s shoulders while the other presses the comm. “Alex?”

Lena is moderately perturbed at Alex in this moment, but doesn’t let it show. Instead, she loosens her grip and slides her hands to rest on Kara’s hips, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

“You guys should head into town,” Alex supplies.

“What is it?” Kara asks while absentmindedly playing with Lena’s hair.

“Everything’s fine, but you’re gonna wanna see this for yourself.”

Kara frowns. “Okay, we’ll be there shortly.” She clears her throat and Lena eyes her warily.

“So?” Lena steps back and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Alex says she has something to show us,” Kara replies. “So,” she moved her arms in a swooping gesture, “Ready to go?”

Lena shakes her head. “No. We are not flying there.”

“Suit yourself,” Kara laughs and begins to take off. Lena stops her with a hand on the wrist before she can. “Change your mind?”

“Just promise to go slow,” Lena huffs, giving Kara permission to scoop her up bridal style.

“Yes, ma’am,” she smirks.

___

“Blue kryptonite?”

Alex nods.

“What is his endgame?”

Alex puffs her cheeks up and releases hot air. “It seems he wants to get rid of your powers. And apparently he thought starting here would be the best course of action, knowing you grew up here and you’d come this way. Fool proof plan, really.” A sudden serious look clouds over her. "And I have a feeling this is only the first step in his nefarious plans."

Kara groans, "Well, is everyone okay at least?" She puts her hands on her hips, in the classic hero pose.

"As far as we know, it doesn't have any negative effects on humans. In fact, we think it does the opposite."

"Of course!" Lena interjects from her spot. She's stayed quiet and let the sisters discuss things, until now she remembers information that could help.

"Lena?" Kara raises her eyebrows in question.

"When Lex was researching ways to hurt Superman, he discovered blue kryptonite," she rolls her eyes. "Blue kryptonite can drastically improve the health of any non-Kryptonian organism, such as livestock, crops, and humans. Continual consumption of blue kryptonite-irradiated water puts humans in a perfect state of health. I'm almost positive he's been drinking the stuff for years."

"Well, fuck," Alex huffs.

Lena shakes her head. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. It doesn't make him super-powered or anything. Actually, now that I think about it, the blue rock makes humans more prone to mental irregularities. If that's the case, it would explain a lot."

"Is there a way to counteract it?" Kara asks.

Lena sighs. "If I'm hypothesizing correctly, I'd bet my life on lead getting the job done."

Kara nods and looks to Alex. "Okay. You got all the rock bagged up then?" Alex nods. "How long until the water supply is back to normal?"

"A week? Maybe two. Just don't go drinking the water at mom's house, got it?"

"I'll stick to bottled," Kara smirks.

___

As they’re flying to Eliza's later that night, Kara notices her old high school is bustling with people and everyone is gussied up. She gasps loudly in Lena’s ear. “Lena, look!”

“What?”

“It’s prom night!” she slows down and finds a spot behind some bushes for cover. Once grounded she practically beams. “Let’s break in!"

Lena guffaws.

Kara stares at her with a gleaming twinkle in her eyes.

“Are you serious?” She asks incredulously.

Kara nods furiously like a bobble head. “Yeah, totally! I remember you telling me once how you never went to prom, and then I promised you if the opportunity ever arises I’d take you myself. And I'd dance with you.”

“You said no such thing,” Lena states, highly amused.

“Okay, well," Kara visibly flusters, "Maybe I never said that part out loud, but I still thought it in my head. And...I mean it.”

“Kara, that’s very sweet, but look at us,” she gestures between them, “I’m dressed like I’m ready for a board meeting, and you,” she glances around to make sure no one can see or hear them and whispers, “You’re Supergirl.”

Kara looks down and pouts, “Oh. Right.” It doesn’t keep her down for long though, because she speeds away and comes back in a dress before Lena can even blink.

“Wow. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Lena chuckles. “You didn’t think to grab anything for me?”

The hero frowns while looking Lena up and down with an intense gaze, causing Lena to feel immensely self-conscious. With a finger to her chin Kara says, “I think you look perfect. You’re basically wearing a suit, anyway, just one that probably costs more than anyone in that building can afford.”

Lena raises her eyebrows haughtily.

“Shall we?” Kara holds out her arm.

Lena rolls her eyes fondly, before relaxing, and hooks her arm through the blonde’s. “Alright, MacGyver, how are we doing this?”

“Easy,” Kara shrugs. “I’ll just open the door to the gym with my super strength, and sneak in the back. Piece of cake.”

“Famous last words.”

___

“Ha! Told you we could do it!” Kara exclaims as they make their way through the gym, where fairy lights are strewn about everywhere, and the ceiling is decorated with cheesy cotton drapes. Surprisingly, no one even notices the two women, and if they do they don’t care.

“The night is still young,” Lena points out.

“Oh quit being a downer,” Kara teases. As they find a secluded spot in the corner, a slow song starts to play. The lights cast a glow on Lena making her seem ethereal, and Kara gapes in awe.

"You look beautiful, Lena."

"I could say the same for you," she blushes.

“May I have this dance?” Kara playfully bends forward with one hand outstretched.

“You’re such a goober,” Lena laughs and takes her hand.

They slow dance for a while, the heat between them hanging in the air. As soon as Kara thinks about asking Lena the question that's been niggling her for the past few months, she notices a man poking around in the corner of her eye. He makes eye contact with her and begins making his way toward them. Kara panics.

“There’s a man coming our way. What do we do? He’s probably gonna kick us out!”

“Shit, I don’t know! This was your idea!” Lena hisses.

Kara thinks fast and makes a decision. A decision she never thought would happen, here in Midvale, in her high school gymnasium of all places. A decision that will inevitably change their lives forever.

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” Lena answers immediately, with a wistful smile plastered on her face.

Kara nods and takes a moment to compose herself. Just a tiny moment. Because they’re kind of running out of time here. Before she can second-guess herself, she takes Lena’s face in her hands and kisses her.

She kisses her like her life depends on it. She’s waited for this moment for so long and it’s finally here. At a high school prom she wasn't even invited to. The thought makes her want to laugh. But she can't, because she's kissing Lena. And Lena is kissing her back with just as much ferocity! It’s funny, she never imagined she’d be back here, years later, with the prettiest woman in the universe at her side, yet that’s what was in the cards for her.

When what feels like minutes of absolute heaven go by, Kara pulls back slightly, breathing heavy. She slowly opens her eyes and whispers, “Do you think it worked?”

“Excuse me?”

The voice startles them from their little bubble and makes the women jump apart in surprise.

"Gosh, you scared the crap outta me," Kara shudders, clutching at her heart. She gathers her wits and when she sees the man, realization slowly dawns on her. "Kenny?"

The man, presumably Kenny, frowns. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?"

"It's Kara. Kara Danvers!" she smiles with hesitancy. The gears in Kenny's head start turning and he puts his hands on his head in utter bewilderment.

"Kara!"

Being the tactile person she is, Kara envelops him in a bone crushing hug. When they pull back she asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the principal," he replies bashfully. Kenny smirks and tilts his head. "What are you doing here?"

Kara blushes a deep red and clears her throat. "Um, well...I'm just visiting, actually." She adjusts her glasses awkwardly. "You know, see how everyone's doing since I left..."

"And who's this?" Kenny asks, peering behind her, effectively cutting off the inevitable ramble about to happen.

The blonde swallows. "Oh geez, where are my manners?" she bonks herself on the head and turns to Lena. Kara gently pushes her forward by the small of her back, and rests her hand there. "Lena, this is my friend Kenny from high school. Kenny, this is my....Lena..."

Lena chuckles and holds out her hand. “Lena Luthor. Nice to meet you.” His grip is firm when they shake hands.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” he replies.

Kara grins after seeing her former (dead?) best friend meet her current best friend (maybe more?) chat with one another.

She explains why they’re there and that they essentially snuck in.

“I won’t tell a soul. You have my word,” Kenny winks at them. “Keep in touch, yeah?” Kara nods enthusiastically, and gives him one last hug before departing to the other end of the gym, where he sees a student spiking the punch bowl.

"So..." Lena starts, "That's the Kenny you told me about?"

Lena notices Kara's eyes crinkle and one corner of her mouth lifts up, in that cute way it does when she's thinking deeply about something. "Yeah. He died though, in my timeline." She frowns, and her eyes dart around the floor like the cracks and scratches have all the answers. "This whole universe...reset...thing is mind-boggling."

Lena reaches up and rubs softly at Kara's little crinkle with the pad of her thumb. When it disappears, she drops her hand and plays with the blonde's fingers instead. "Nothing's ever easy in our lives, is it?"

Kara hums an affirmation in response.

"You can tell me about it, if you'd like," Lena offers.

"That'd be nice," Kara smiles, then like a flip of a switch she's throwing her a flirty smirk. "But not right now," she joins their other hands together and pushes them forward and back, as if they're on the cusp of telling each other exciting news.

"No?" Lena plays along.

"Nope," she raises their hands up so Lena's rest on her shoulders, and Kara pulls her forward by the waist. "I was kinda hoping we could talk about that kiss."

"Mhmm, I was wondering if you were gonna bring that up," she inches closer so her forehead touches Kara's, and she encircles her arms around her neck, the distance between them practically nonexistent.

"I should've asked," she connects her hands on the other woman's back.

Lena shakes her head, the action causing their noses to bump. "You never have to ask to kiss me." Before Kara can properly respond, Lena connects their lips together again, shutting her up in the best way possible.

They still have a lot of things to figure out, a lot of demons to fight-both literally and figuratively-but Lena relishes in the thought that at least she has Kara.

At least they're doing it together.

After all, it is their life motto: stronger together.

#supercorp #supercorp fic rec #supercorp fic #my work #kara danvers #lena luthor #supergirl season 6

[shinyrockalaska]

Acceptance (or: Charlie's incident)

Summary: Charlie decides to drink Amortentia, just to see if it could affect him, so he could feel the same things everyone else around him seems to feel. Unfortunately, he didn't check who's Amortentia he was drinking...

Word count: 3.3k (my longest fic so far!)

More about the inspiration for this at the end of the post!

Enjoyy <3

--

--

He didn't plan it.

Well, yes, he thought about it a few times before, but only theoretically. He never intended to try and do something so drastic to change himself.

But he was in the sixth year and he was seventeen and everybody already had too many expectations of him.

They all acted as if they knew everything about him, who he was going to be, what he was going to do... he couldn't change it, he couldn't tell them they're wrong because he didn't know what was right. Yes, he's a kind and caring person. Yes, he sucks at school because he just can't focus or stop daydreaming. He's messy and obsessive and is definitely going to work with dragons after graduation. They all knew it, and so did he. But that's it, the rest was a blur.

He should've felt lucky. At least he always knows what he wants to do after graduation. Some of his friends, like Tulip and Ben, still had no clue, and they were all stressed out about it. But they all somehow fitted in. With the outsiders, yes, but most of the time Charlie felt like he's an outsider even to the outsiders.

Some may say it's because no one has ever seen him wearing any short clothes, not even in the summertime. He always walked around hiding in his big green coat. Or maybe because of his weird specific fears, that no one else seemed to share or to be scared of it as much as he did. Not even Ben. Or probably, because he never dated anyone and never talked about it with anyone. Charlie thought it was all of those things, that made him himself, but, weird. He never hated himself and was quite proud of being different. But in the end, it doesn't matter. Even the proudest quirky kids would choose to be normal - to fit in - if they could. So you can see why now, at seventeen, he felt that desire to fit in.

Every dinner with his family, his mum would nag him to try and find a nice girl. More for herself than for him, really. Because most wizards and witches find their partners at school. All of his friends already started to go out with each other and whatever student they liked at the moment. There were couples everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And he still couldn't figure out what's wrong with him and why he's not interested in any of that. Even the religious kids, the anxious kids, the awkward kids- all talked about their crushes non-stop. Not everyone dated, of course, but they all talked about it, and the pressure was high. All he ever heard around him was sex, kissing, dates and love. Whatever that was.

The worst part was that his friends were actually supportive.

At first, they would beg him to tell them who his secret crush is, which student he liked. They wouldn't listen whenever he told them that he doesn't have one. But they all calmed down after a while and he explained that he just doesn't care about this stuff. He just doesn't.. feel the need. And they accepted it. Accepted him. But now he was just being put in another box. They stopped talking about their crushes with him because they knew he wouldn't understand. And that was just not true. But could he argue with him when it's so clear they know him better than he knows himself?

So that was the situation he was in. That's why after a super frustrating Amortentia class, where everyone around him kept blushing and giggling at the smell of their own and everyone else's cauldrons, where his friends all sent him sad smiles and kept telling him how jealous they are that he has nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, where he had to lie and tell Snape fake smells because, of course, he smelled nothing, he just couldn't take it anymore. He decided it was time for a change.

So when the class was dismissed, he stayed nearby. And when Snape left the classroom, he scooped some leftover potion into the weird-shaped glass bottle and drunk it without thinking, without hesitating, and without even knowing who's cauldron it was.

It's Amortentia, after all. The strongest love potion. If it increases those love feelings to others, then he might actually feel something, be somewhat normal.

He felt guilty for doing it and had to stop himself from running to professor Snape so he would give him the antidote right away before anything bad will happen. He knew the potion just cause obsession and trouble, but he had to know, at least for a little while, what's it like to be kind of in love.

At first, he didn't feel anything different. Lunch was normal, Care of magical creatures was normal. He felt dizzy at History of magic, but maybe it had more to do with the boring lesson than the potion itself. Charlie was disappointed but somewhat relieved when still nothing had changed by dinner time.

That is, until, Merula has entered the room.

He forgot that tiny, little, important detail that now he was madly in fake love with whoever brewed that potion. Which was, how unlucky for him, Merula. But now he didn't care about it. All he wanted to do was stay with her from now on and forever.

"Charlie, are you okay? You look a little sick," Barnaby commented about his appearance. "And a bit pale," Tonks added, but Charlie preferred to ignore his friends' concerns. "Have you ate something bad?" Rowan questioned, "is it because of potion class?" That question made him nervous, of course. "N-no! I'm just tired.. w-why would it have to do anything with p-potion class?"

"Because you smelled nothing, right? You're not upset about it, right?" They all looked at him with that same sad-apologetic smile as always. He hated it. Just because he's different doesn't mean he needs to be treated differently. "Guys, I'm fine. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Being yourself is the best thing anyone can be! Why would I want to be anything else but myself?" Maybe he was trying too hard to hide it. He sighed, "please just stop giving me those sorry faces. I don't need your pity, I-"

From the corner of his eye, he spotted Merula leaving the room. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said and hurried up after her.

He couldn't pick up the nerves to talk to her so he just followed her around to the Slytherin house in the dungeons. Then, he had to go to sleep, but he couldn't stop staring at the ceiling, smiling, and dreaming about Merula.

"What's up with him?" Ben asked as he entered their dorm. Jae shrugged, "I think he's been drugged." And when Ben's face showed panic he laughed, "just kidding, he's probably thinking about dragons."

--

Normally, Charlie would be tired after sleeping less than six hours, but he had an amazing dream about him and Merula on a date with candles and chocolate and all he wanted was to feel her hand in his own.

"Are you alright, Charlie..? You still look pretty sick," his friends told him at breakfast. "I'm more than fine, I've never felt better," he said with this wide fuzzy exaggerated smile and the fake spark in his eyes. He barely touched his food, he just kept staring at Merula. And his friends noticed.

"Why are you looking at the Slytherin table? Who are you starting at? Awwww did you finally got a crush?" Normally he'd be embarrassed by this question, which always made him feel unease. But this time, he wanted to be with Merula so badly, that he welcomed any help. "It's Merula, can you maybe get her attention? I really want to kiss her! And maybe.. more? I already thought about names for our kids! Human names even! We'll have a perfect life near the dragon reserve!" He babbled.

"What?!?! You can't be serious! That's- that's just- no!!" They were shocked and a bit disgusted. "It doesn't make sense, Charlie.. you hate Merula!" Talbott said, making Charlie angry, "well, maybe you don't know everything about me!" He shouted, and many students' heads turned around to look at him. "Ever thought about it? That maybe I am more than the way you see me? More than the things you see in me?!" He kept shouting, making his friends feel embarrassed, as they lowered their heads. "Yeah, that's what I thought," Charlie frowned. "Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to ask out Merula!" He shouted this sentence too, causing Merula to look at him, disgusted, and run out of the great hall immediately. He shot one last angry look at his friends, before storming out of the room, after Merula.

"As you all know I'm an expert in love and-" Andre started to say quickly but got cut off by Diego. "I think we can all agree I'm the love expert."

"True," Jacob's sibling said, "you promised to get me dates at the third year and you still haven't! Diego's been more helpful than you.."

Andre was irritated, "That.. that doesn't matter!! Can't you see that Charlie is-"

"Poisoned!" Rowan cut him off, "he's drugged on Amortentia!"

"No way! It's too hard to- oh no! He probably drunk it yesterday after class!" Penny was frightened.

"Dang it, Charlie! What do we do now??"

"We'll have to tell a professor. Even if he'll hate us. We have to do it before he does something stupid like actually making a move on Merula!" Rowan stated, horrified.

--

"Merula wait! Please, let's talk!" Charlie shouted, running behind her, and she surprisingly stopped. He caught her a few halls past the great hall, on the way to the dungeons. she almost got away from him. He took her hand and started talking, blushing, stumbling on his words. "I can't imagine my life without you! We will be so perfect together, don't you think? Let's run away and start a family together! Do you like dragons? I was thinking we could live next to the Romanian dragon sanctuary and have at least two kids. Do you like the names Violet and Jade? I think they're perfect! I picked them because it's like your eyes and the Slytherin colour. And also not dragon names! Oh, I feel so safe and happy around you. Can you tell me about yourself and your family and life and beliefs and every little detail possible?" He was now hugging her, clutching to her as close as he can.

"This is unsettling in so many ways, Charlie. Stop it now. I don't know what sick game you're playing but cut it now before I'll have to hex you, or call someo-"

"Game? No, no! This is love, baby! Don't you see it?" Charlie felt heartful, in a way he never felt before. And he liked it, being fearless. Feeling warm and being somehow full of love. "Did someone dared you to do it? Have you been drinking elixir to induce euphoria? Oh no, don't tell me you're-"

"Merula! I'm so sorry for Charlie's behavior." McGonagall called out from the end of the hall, followed by Charlie's friends. "What are you doing here?! Go away! I don't need you! I have my Merula! Don't ruin this for me! I deserve to have love too!" Charlie screamed and clung to Merula even more than before.

"Charles Weasley come with me right now!" McGonagall was furious. No student has ever acted like that.

"No! I'm staying here with the love of my life!" He tried to kiss Merula's hand who just pulled it out of his reach immediately, disgusted and uncomfortable. "Don't talk to me ever again, freak." She said and walked away.

"No! Don't leave me! We can make it work!" Charlie screamed as he hurried up after Merula, who now went from fast walking to running. McGonagall grabbed Charlie's arm and stopped him. "you're coming with me now, I cannot believe you!" she said loudly, disappointed.

"No!!! You can't stop me from being happy and in love! This is me, just go away! I have to get Merula back!" He was hysterical, tears running down his face. He cried so much his head started to ache, but he didn't care. he had to follow Merula. Had to be with her. He'd rather die, give up on dragons even, than not spend every single minute of his life now with Merula.

But McGonagall pulled him away from any hope to fulfill his dreams, all the way to her office. He kept cursing his friends, who looked very ashamed and worried, as he got dragged away from them. None of them laughed at the scene he caused.

"Drink this. NOW." McGonagall ordered, but Charlie refused. "I will not let you drug me and prevent me to have this! Let! Me! Go!" He screamed, caughting McGonagall off guard. But it wasn't the first time something like that happened, it just never got out of hand to be like... Charlie's case.

"Stupify." McGonagall cast the spell on Charlie, with a heavy heart. She hates using magic on students. Still, she poured the love-potion antidote liquid down his mouth and watched as he slowly got back his consciousness. She looked at him, all confused as he tried to remember what happened.

"Who did this to you? Was it Merula? She didn't look quite satisfied with your obsession but that doesn't mean it's not her. So tell me, who drugged you with love potion?" McGonagall asked him in both compassion and anger.

"What? Oh you mean the Amortentia.." he lowered his head, "it was.. me?"

"What?! This is beyond belief, Charlie! Why would you do that to yourself? You know it's a dangerous potion! You know the consequences! I expected better than yo-"

"That's exactly the problem!" He cut her off, rudely, "Everyone always expecting all sorts of things from me! I can't be everyone's version of me! I don't want to! I barely even want to be me! You wouldn't understand but I just had to fit in!!"

Charlie never in his life yelled like that at anyone or anything, especially not a professor. But he didn't care anymore. He was sick of everything. McGonagall was surprised again, it was very unlike him to behave that way.

"I- Charlie, listen." He looked at her a bit worried and ashamed. "You don't need to be fixed. You know that using potions and magic to change yourself is bad, especially if it's illegal.." she gave him an alerting look. "I can't tell you how to feel or who to be, but I want you to know that every person is different than the others and there is absolutely not a thing that is wrong with being yourself. Being different is good-"

"As someone who's been different his entire life, I can assure you it's not. Everyone always says it's wonderful to be extraordinary and different and special and whatever, but even the proudest weirdest kids would choose to be like everyone else and fit in if they could.." Charlie said, focusing on the wall rather than McGonagall's eyes, playing with the zipper of his coat.

"Maybe you need to have more pride, Charlie. You're a very unique person, let those special things about you define you by your choice, instead of being ashamed of them. I encourage you to find that strength to let go of the shame and fear in you and to just.. be yourself."

"Pride is stupid," Charlie murmured quietly, "it's something I had no control over. it's not a drawing I made that I put a lot of effort and time into it, so I'm proud of it. No. It's something I couldn't even choose, something I can't change. There's no pride in having no control."

"Well, could you have chosen to be a Gryffindor?"

"Uh, no, but.." Charlie went quiet, thinking.

"I know, you wanted to be in Gryffindor, but if you happened to be in Hufflepuff, wouldn't you still have some house pride in you?" McGonagall asked him.

"I guess.." Charlie shrugged, still upset.

"We cherish pride in us, based on what we learn from our surroundings as we grow up. But society is not always right. In fact, most of the time it's even wrong. And so, you need to be your own society, sometimes. Be the change you want to see in the world, and even if you're different than the way it seems society tells you to be, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. You need to accept yourself just like you would've accepted any of your friends, and just like you would want the world to accept you. Even if you turn out to be completely different than the person you thought you are. understand?"

Charlie nodded. He felt, not for the first time, like McGonagall can read minds. She answered all of his worries and questions and feelings, with her calming words.

McGonagall let him off of his classes for the rest of the day and he decided to write a letter to his family, explaining how he feels. He asked them to be kind and understanding, as he has no control or any choice over his feelings. He wrote down everything that bugged him in the past years. The letter was far too long, and contained seven full written pages. In the end, Charlie decided he won't send it yet. he felt better, but still wasn't ready to face his family's reaction to his incident and different behavior. He felt as if it might disappoint them. it was ridiculous, he knew, they would love him no matter what. Even so, seeing those words, his words, written down in those pages, in his own handwriting, made him smile. It was his choice, to write them, to use them. And he won't let anyone tell him it's wrong.

At dinner, he sat with his friends as usual, worried about what his friends might say. He didn't want them to be worried about him, but he knew they were, after what he did...

"Hey guys, thanks for, uh.. you know... watching out for me.." he said, nervously.

"Sure thing! How are you feeling, Charlie? Better? You're not mad at us for calling McGonagall, right..?" His friends were just as worried as him.

"I'm feeling much better, relieved. I don't know what I would've done if you didn't call McGonagall.. you really saved me.."

He could see Merula sitting next to Ismelda, and glaring at him, furiously.

"You could've chosen a better person to fake fall in love with," Andre joked.

"Yeah, even in this I didn't have a choice or any luck," Charlie laughed, a bit uncomfortable as this subject was still upsetting sometimes.

"How much trouble did you get to from that talk with McGonagall? We haven't seen you all day, so we figured you've got punished real hard.." Ben said, carefully.

"Well, I need to write an apology letter for Merula.. but I got off easy."

"Your mother's not going to like it.." he heard one of them saying, but even that part was okay.

"McGonagall promised not to tell my parents if I'll agree to meet her once a week and talk to her about what's bothering me, instead of bottle it inside me... she wants me to have more pride, and she trust me to choose the right time for me to tell my parents about this incident."

His friends smiled at him, and he smiled at them back.

He tried not to feel nauseous, remembering how foolishly he acted that day, convinced he has to fit in. He still sometimes thought it would be better for him to be like the rest. But he can't. So when he felt that way, he reminded himself of McGonagall's words and named all the good things in his life, and the things he does have control over.

Charlie knew from the moment he drunk the Amortentia, that life might not be easy for him, always having to be the odd one out.

But it was his own life, and he should be proud of what he has.

---

Wow! Finally! I had this idea for like a year and I've been trying to write it ever since, so this definitely took time...

---

--

I really like how it turned out, I hope you'll like it too. This is how I see Charlie.

The fic was inspired by another beautiful fanfic (here's a link) where Charlie almost drinks the potion but ends up not doing it.

Even though it's not canon, to me, Charlie is the closest thing we have to an aromantic and asexual representation, and it's just so, so important to have that. It took me years to feel comfortable with me being like this, I'm still working on it, and I think a big part of it is because we don't see anything about it in the media or anywhere else really.

Self-acceptance is harder when it comes to aros and aces because it's just so different than other romantic/sexual orientations, it's hard to define lack of attraction, but it doesn't mean it's bad!

Everyone is valid, and I know knowing this doesn't make it immediately better, but it helps to remember it. I don't want people to be afraid of who they are, to feel like they need to be fixed, to have to hide away.

So now, it's the end of pride month but you and I- we're still here! And we can still shine bright and be proud of ourselves for coming so far! The truth is always right, don't be afraid of it. 💜💚

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #charlie weasly #hphm fanfic #hphm fanfiction #harry potter fanfic #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #aroace charlie weasley #acceptance #asexuel #aromantic #tge representation I needed #idk what to tag as always

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

One quick question, why do you hate Before the Storm? I actually really liked it. It could be because I'm a hopeless romantic, but I just want to see your opinions on it

Oh boy, where to even begin...? I cannot stand bts... it actually hurts my insides to think about how much I hate this game haha.

[note: yeah hi uhhh... this is long because of course it is, it's coming from me but listen, my feelings for this game are not nice and I have a lot to say so.... my bad]

One of the bigger reasons, though not the biggest, is Chloe... I'm not exactly a big fan of Chloe. At all. Not in the first game, nope. I understand that so many people love her and they have their reasons for that, that's fine, she's just a character who doesn't appeal to me. If anything, she pisses me off because I can see the foundation for such a compelling character, but it all gets thrown away for the sake of bullshit.

So then they plop bts in front of us with Chloe as the playable protagonist in a prequel story about her and Rachel Amber. This is an opportunity to expand on her character, to tie into the first season and make me feel more positive feelings about her character, to do what the first game failed to do..... and to be fair, they DO have a few of them sprinkled in... but then they're overshadowed by the garbage.

It's just... the ideas are there, and they're ideas that I like but they're executed so poorly. I want to like Chloe Price, I can see that there's something good here.

Like okay.... lemme do a thing:

Chloe Price. She's going through some serious shit after her dad dies. He died unexpectedly in a car accident, something Chloe had zero control over, it's not fair, and even though it's not like the universe singled her out and said "fuck you," it feels that way to her.

On top of that, her best friend who she adores? She moves away. Not something that's in either of their control, they're kids at this point. However, Max stops contacting her and that hurts Chloe. Chloe tries to stay in contact, but eventually Max stops responding.

Then you have her mother, who's also grieving after losing her husband and dealing with her daughter pushing her away and on the wrong path. She meets a man and falls for him after realizing she still has a long life ahead of her and that's too long to be miserable over her husband's death, William wouldn't want that, and David is a source of comfort for her... something she's not getting from her daughter. The problem is that David and Chloe don't get along in the slightest... which leads to Chloe feeling like her mom is trying to replace her father by moving on, not understanding why Joyce's timeline of grief isn't the same as hers, y'know?

Oh, and can't forget that Chloe has fallen onto a not so great path of drugs, booze, bad grades, lying, staying out late without letting her mom know where she is, pickin' fights, making friends with drug dealers, stealing money and other items, all that. She's bitter, angry, unable to understand most of her own complex emotions and that only makes her even more upset. She's unable to express them in a healthy way, she doesn't ask for help, and denies it whenever offered.

So... Chloe's starts out as an extremely entitled, rude, obnoxious character. She insults the bouncer in the cringiest way possible because these adult men writing her don't know how teen girls talk, she steals money and a t-shirt from a dude who works for the band because $20? how dare? even though bands don't make a lot of money and a lot of profit comes from their merch but who cares about supporting artists you like, right? Chloe sure doesn't. She probably buys some weed from Frank because yeah, she's got a dependence on the stuff now. She gets into a fight with a couple of dudes after spilling beer on them.... but what's this?

Oh look, it's Rachel Amber. Y'know, the pretty, popular, talented, smart, perfect, charismatic girl from Chloe's school?? yeah, she's at the concert and saves Chloe from the dicks who attacked her, and the two girls spend the rest of the concert together.

Now, for some reason, Chloe isn't sure but Rachel has taken a special interest in her. Rachel is flirty, she wants to know who Chloe is, she asks her to skip school with her, and the two take a ride on a train to a park and... honestly? pretty romantic, and it plays into that escapism fantasy thing of having the pretty girl who everyone likes single you out, making you feel special.

Over time, the girls grow close. Rachel has some family problems and seeks comfort in Chloe. They spend nights walking together down empty streets at night, holding hands. They hang out and talk about the stars, they discuss Shakespeare and what it's like to actually be your true self, if there's actually such a thing. They get tattoos together, and Rachel helps Chloe color her hair. They have a special hideout they decorated together in the junkyard. Rachel spends the night at Chloe's enough that she ends up leaving a lot of clothes there. They daydream about running away together, long road trips and living big in LA.

Chloe starts to see Rachel as her angel because for the first time since Max, she feels like she has someone she can be open and honest with. Rachel almost seems too perfect to be true, y'know?

And hey, over time Chloe actually starts to kinda get her life on the right track, if not in an unconventional way. Sure, she's still dealing with losing her father. that's not something she'll just get over... but she does start making an effort with her mom, and yes, even David after he told her about his time in the army and gave her that photo. They both know they'll never be friends, and they'll still have arguments, but they'll at least keep the peace for Joyce's sake.

It's not all perfect, though. Chloe's still smoking and Rachel isn't always the best influence. They get into trouble here and there, but nothing super serious.

She dropped out of Blackwell so that her mom didn't have to keep paying her tuition and because she's fixated on this fantasy of running away with Rachel. Chloe's feeling good about herself, about her future, for the first time since her dad died.

Until Rachel disappears.

And everything goes to shit pretty quick after that. Rachel's gone, she's not answering calls or texts, and everyone keeps saying that she probably ran away, but Chloe knows better. She knows Rachel wouldn't leave without her, so something must've happened. She makes posters and puts them everywhere, but things only get worse.

Money is tight. Joyce isn't making as much as she needs at the diner, David isn't making enough as a security guard, and hey... they might lose the house... the house that was once Williams, that's a piece of him he left behind. Not only that, but where will they go?

Chloe doesn't want them to lose the house, or for her mom to be this stressed out over food and bills. Chloe borrowed money from Frank in hopes of using it to run away with Rachel, but with her missing... Chloe decides to give it to her mom in order to save the house. Joyce is alarmed that she has this much, but Chloe manages to lie her way out of it to give her mom some peace of mind.

Except now she has another problem- she can't pay Frank back and he's getting more aggressive about it as the weeks go on. Rachel's still missing, Frank's breathing down her neck with threats toward her mom, money is still an issue at home, and she's not in a good place. Chloe's desperate enough to steal... so when she makes it into a bar that doesn't card her and she sees rich boy Nathan Prescott drunk off his ass and flashing bills, she thinks it'll be an easy score. It's wrong to do this, it's dangerous, but Chloe justifies it to herself. She needs that money.

She didn't expect Nathan to drug her drink, and she wakes up to him taking pictures of her. She manages to get the hell outta there, but she still has no idea what the hell happened to her. Like.... that reeeally fucks with her, it doesn't even feel real. She can't tell anyone, she can't tell her mom, and the police won't do anything since they're under the Prescott thumb.... and well, she decides to blackmail him.

And we all know how that goes.

So... we have the highs and lows of Chloe Price. She's flawed, even starting out as unbearable, but over time she becomes more nuanced and you're invested in what happens to her. You want to see her better herself, you want her to work through her grief and get help, you understand why she hates David but when you see him and Joyce happy together and him make an effort to be better, you want to see them make amends. You know David doesn't want to replace William, hell HE knows no one ever could.

You want Chloe to keep going, to find purpose in her life and realize her own potential. You saw her at the beginning when she was broken, when she was lost and didn't see a future for herself, and it's satisfying to see her come this far to where she knows she has a future... something that becomes all the more tragic when you remember her fate in the first game.

You're invested in Chloe and Rachel's romance, you get giddy watching them flirt and do dumb, romantic, cliche things, and you're just as compelled by Rachel as everyone else. No, she's not perfect, she's not a stereotype, she's much more layered than that and it only breaks your heart when you realize that she's killed later on, that of course she's going to go missing... you already know that! So you're watching Chloe, who has gotten pieces of her life back together and is genuinely happy.... fall back down the pit, fall back into the habits she had at the beginning, and you know it will lead to her downfall.

.....TOO BAD BEFORE THE STORM DID FUCK ALL WITH THAT RIGHT?

Nope, you don't get any of that. Well, except Chloe being cringy. You get a lot of that.

No, no, we got edgelord, flanderized Chloe who thinks her wit is much greater than it actually is, whose terrible moments outweigh the good, and who doesn't grow or change no matter what influence you try to have over her.

Rachel could be replaced with a literal barbie doll and little would change. She has no charm, she's nothing like what she was described in the first game, and she's just so fucking unlikable. When she finds out that her mom isn't actually her birth mom, she claims that her whole life is a lie and her parents aren't real and she wants to meet her druggie mom who chose drugs over her for 15 years because she's the one who actually squeezed her out.

Which, by the way, WHY is this the goddamn plot?? Why did they feel like they had to shove in this "oh hey Rachel's dad is the bad guy, oh wait now this drug guy is the bad guy because he stabby Rachel, no wait now her dad is the super bad guy because he put a hit out on Rachel's REAL mom, oh no wait it's fine because Frank murdered drug man off screen" WHY YOU DO THIS??

You have three episodes. THREE. And in those three episodes, you have the opportunity to explore Chloe as a character, and her relationships with Rachel, Joyce, and David. But instead of dedicating the story to that, something you could've created a compelling narrative out of, you threw in this dumb mom plot and fire-

HOW THE HELL DID I FORGET THE FIRE????

What- why did- does she have- Rachel just- RACHEL SETS THE FOREST ON FIRE??? WHY THOUGH???

I get it, "Rachel is the fire" yeah yeah and it's dumb.

Oh and because we didn't have enough going on, here's a side mission where you gotta deal with getting money from this other kid who's running drugs for big bad drug man because he wants to help his dad who lost his job.

But WAIT, there's more- In a series where several girls were drugged by Nathan and Jefferson, forced to pose for pictures, and some even killed or driven to try and take their own life? something taken so seriously...? Victoria gets drugged and it's treated like a joke. Even worse, there is a path that has Rachel drugging her, and no one cares.

ALSO.... Rachel cheated on Chloe with two adult men, remember? One of which fucking murders her?? and we're just... we're just not gonna do anything with that??? Nothing??? Maybe a little stinger at the end but that's it????

I just..... I hate this game so much.

It had so much potential. Not only that, but it had the first game to look at and learn from. Learn from the mistakes that game made and improve upon.... but instead, they fucked up even worse. It's just a game of fanservice that has way too much going on, is trying to do too much, and loses focus on the most important things.

Three episodes could've been enough to explore different points of Chloe's character before the events of the first game. They could've crafted a story that gave more insight into her life that make sense of the choices she made, that turn her into the Chloe we see in the first game. You don't need a forest fire, you don't need evil lawyers. I know the first game had the storm and time travel and big dumb Jefferson, but you wanted to tell a story that's grounded without shit like that... y'know, before the storm.

I could probably go on and on if someone doesn't stop me, so I'll stop myself here... I hate bts because it's potential was there, I could see it in a few key moments, and it was wasted.

The romantic ideas fall flat because being pretty and gay isn't enough for me, I need more than that. I don't care if they kiss because I don't care about their relationship, and frankly, they've done very little to make me care about them as individuals.

UGH

.......does that answer your quick question? haha sorry for the not so quick answer, but like I said, this game makes my brain mad and once I get going, it's hard to stop.

#asks #this game makes my brain mad #ugh

[howtodisassembleyourdeviant]

Hi! So... I often see people write about virgin!Connor/non-virgin reader, where the reader has to teach him stuff and everything. But can you write something in which they're BOTH virgins? Imagine how sweet and awkward it would be. And how would Connor feel about virgin!reader? Relieved, that he isn't the only one? Worried, about taking their virginity? Or something else? Can you write something like this for F!reader? I'm super curious about this kinda stuff!

I hope this was worth the wait! Once I got the flow, this was fun to write!

Being in a relationship with a human is markedly different than dating within his own kind. Humans have needs that androids will never have. Connor finds that he enjoys the differences for the most part. He likes taking you on dinner dates, even if he can't eat. You always dress so nice and he likes to watch you eat, even if it embarrasses you. He likes buying snacks and treats he knows you'll like, seeing your face light up when he presents them to you. Recently, he likes feeding you things, like grapes. Feeling your tongue lightly flick the sensors on his fingers sends a shiver down his spine. You always complain that he spoils you, and it might be true, but the android has found that he over-indulges in his own way.

Sometimes Connor forgets about your human limitations. A walk around town is nothing to him, but after a while, you start slowing down. You don't want to disappoint him (though he thinks that to be impossible), so you often don't tell him when you start to tire or your feet start to hurt until it's too late. The android feels guilty to put that kind of strain on you, taking you home immediately. You constantly reassure him that you had fun and it's fine. Still, he rubs your legs once he gets you home, often until you fall asleep.

Though, he cringes when he thinks back to the first time he tried to massage your calves. Your body is so delicate, where his isn't, and he wasn't made to be gentle. Its something he has only learned through you. When he went to relieve pain, he instead caused it, a large bruise forming. While you were quick to forgive him, he was terrified. He could hurt you, did hurt you, and it could happen again. You showed him how to ease into things, and it helped, but its still something in the back of his mind.

Connor may forget your limitations, but he knows human needs. He knows that you need food, water, and rest. These are necessities for survival. However, surviving and thriving are two different things. In these aspects, androids and humans are alike. Wanting to feel safe and cherished, to be loved unconditionally. In this, words are often not enough. You did this so naturally, giving him hugs or letting him rest his head in your lap, your fingers carding through his hair. He slowly figured it out, going from awkward hugs to holding you while you slept. It had become a perfect relationship.

Or rather, almost perfect.

There is one human desire that the two of you had only danced around. Something that both intrigues and scares him.

Sex.

It was so intimate, and so much could go wrong. It wasn't something he was programmed to do, though he is capable. He wants to know what it's like, and to experience it with you. Though, he worries. What if he hurts you, or what if he can't perform to your expectations?

After a particularly steamy make-out session, he felt you wanted to take the relationship to the next level, but he got so nervous he pretended Markus requested him to New Jericho and dashed out. During the whole car ride back to Hank's, he berated himself for being so cowardly and denying you what should be a simple want.

Connor refused to be blindsided again. The next day, he studied intercourse, every facet, which he regretted, but it was for you. He wants to be your best lover, to completely satisfy you. He ran... Simulations... Gauging his stamina and testing techniques. He didn't expect to enjoy it as much as he did. It only built the anticipation for the act itself. All that he needed was the opportunity.

............

"... Hank is never gonna figure it out because he doesn't want to, " you laughed, entering your home with Connor following behind.

"You would think, considering the generation he grew up in, it would be second nature, " the RK800 locked your door, lending you his shoulder while you kicked off your heels.

"I think he grew up under a rock. Just be glad he even bothers with a phone at all. Who knows, maybe one day he'll answer your texts."

You both settled on your couch, Connor sitting while you laid down, resting your head on his lap, grinning up at him. He likes moments like these. Nothing that needs to be done and nowhere they need to go.

It had been a slow day at the department, so he asked if you would like to have a 'date night' as you called them. You agreed, telling him to come by at 7 pm. He took you to your favorite restaurant, paying for your meal before you could even begin to fight him on it, then a short walk around the park, just talking and joking. When it started getting late, you suggested he spend the night at your house to keep from disturbing Hank.

"You look stunning tonight, " Connors spoke, almost absentmindedly, as he started to play with your soft hair. You only giggled, a blush spreading over your cheeks.

"You've told me that at least four times tonight." You reached cupping his cheek. He instantly took it into his own hand, kissing your palm.

"And it remains true. You are gorgeous."

"And you are strikingly handsome, " you beamed, "I could stare at you all day."

"According to Hank, we are both guilty of that, " Connor's voice was lower, a breathless murmur. He released your hand, going to touch your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb, then your lips, suddenly fixated on their softness. You rolled onto your stomach, easing him to lay back onto the arm of the couch. He sat up enough to touch your lips with his, slowly laying back with you.

He can never get enough of this, even if he doesn't understand why. Your warm body, so soft laying on top of him, tangling your hand in his hair, the other caressing the nape of his neck. Your kisses always taste so sweet, nectar he's grown addicted to. Every subtle movement, quiet moan, and silenced gasp is pure bliss. When you open for him, he could feel himself buzzing with joy. His sensitive tongue getting a direct taste, twisting and dancing with yours. It all feels so nice. His hands held you, wanting you closer.

When you pull back for a quick breather, he recognizes the signs from before; your labored breathing, half-lidded eyes dilated, heart rate increasing, and your body is heating up, as evidence from your rosy cheeks. Connor wants so much to give you what you desire, but he can already feel his nerves setting in. You have expectations, but he isn't meant for this. His hands start to tremble, and he bites his lip, trying to will himself to calm down. He can do this. He won't hurt you and you will bask in the pleasure he gives you.

But what if he does hurt you? What if you hate his performance? What if everything falls apart? What if? What if? What if?

He can't do this.

"Connor?" You question when he shifts to sit up, and he's sure he can hear the disappointment in your voice. He turns, hiding his face in his hands while his stress level drops and his shame sets in.

"Connor, what's the matter?" You pulled his hands from his face, but he still wouldn't look at you.

"You should find another partner."

"What? Why?" You were shocked he would say that. You thought he was enjoying himself, but were you really making him uncomfortable?

"I can't do this. I'm not made to do this! How can I expect to meet your expectations if I've never done this before?" He stood, grabbing his jacket, still averting his gaze, "you should find someone who can satisfy you, like you deserve."

"Connor, " your voice is stern, but he ignores it. It's for the best, he thinks as he starts slipping his shoes back on.

"Dammit, Connor! Look at me!" You shouted, pushing off the couch and storming up to him. Shock made him finally meet your eyes once more, but the rage in them made him wish he had moved faster. He tried to back away, but only succeeded in cornering himself against the door. Your hand shot out and he flinched, expecting you to slap or hit him. Instead, you grabbed his collar and pulled him into a searing kiss. When he realized this was a different kind of 'slap to the face', he kissed back, so conflicted but so desperate for your touch.

When you pulled back this time, you had tears in your eyes. You rested your head against his chest.

"Don't ever say that again. Nobody else can make me feel how I do when I'm with you. I don't care what you are made for, as long as you still love me the way I love you despite it."

Connor's eyes widened, elated to hear you say that. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against him and holding you tight.

"I do. I do love you, so much. I just want you to be happy." Even if it isn't with him. Though, he doesn't think he could endure the pain of being without you for long.

"I am happy. You make me happy. I don't care if we never have sex if it means I get to be with you." You lean back with a laugh, "I wouldn't know what I was missing anyway."

What?

"Have you never, or rather, are you..." Connor wasn't sure how to ask, but he was burning to know. Are you just like him? You were giggling at his befuddled expressions.

"I'm a virgin, Connor."

"But how?" Came his automatic response. You were gorgeous. Humans your age usually already had sex, some even had children. You should have had your pick of anyone you wanted.

"Well, I was born one and never had sex, so..." You joke, "I had other priorities growing up and when I got out of school, I just wasn't interested in casual dating," You looped your arms around his neck, "you're the only person to get this far."

He captured your lips once again. It was such a relief for him. Knowing you've never gone this far with anyone else made him feel special, that you chose him out of everyone to experience this with. This is something the two of you will explore together.

The possessive part that he only knows exists because of you also whispers in the back of his mind. After this, you will be permanently marked as his and he will be marked as yours. No matter what happens, he will be your first. If he has his way, he will be your last, too.

You pulled back sharply, gasping. While lost in his thoughts, he had forgotten you needed air.

"Sorry, I-"

"It's... Fine. Do you wanna... Move this to the bedroom?" Your own nerves were setting in, but you were also excited as Connor nodded, following after you.

Connor feels the same. He still has his doubts, but knowing that you both will need to experiment to find what is best, sets his mind at ease. He can go as slow as he needs to and not worry he will be boring you.

In your bedroom, he quickly unbuttons his shirt, slipping it off and setting it on your dresser. When he looked at you, he had to fight to hold back a laugh. The zipper of your dress was caught, and you were struggling to undo it. Why humans thought they could see their back if they spin around enough is beyond him, but he finds it funny nonetheless.

He takes your shoulders to stop you from spinning, smiling down at you. It's then that you see that he already had his shirt off. He had the perfect athletic build, not that it really surprised you. He was made to be perfect. To see it, though, reminded you that he was perfect, and you had your flaws. He was about to see you naked. Would he mind? You know he says he likes your imperfections, but to see all of them...

"Please, allow me," He murmurs, turning you around, hands gliding across your shoulders as he does. The zipper easily glides down. The dress must come with support as he notices you aren't wearing a bra. Once he finished, you turn around, still holding the dress up, hesitant.

"Are you ready?" You give him a nervous smile. He nods enthusiastically, excited to see another side to you. "Okay, " here goes nothing. You let go, and Connor's thirium pump seizes. An ache he has been dismissing intensifies, and he bites his lip to stop the sound that threatened to leave his mouth.

With his lack of response, you start feeling embarrassed, arms trying to cover you. Connor takes hold of your arms.

"Don't. I want to see, " he gently pulls them away, "you're so beautiful." You blushed harder at his words, relaxing while he lowers you to the bed, settling on top of you.

He kisses your plump lips one last time before trailing along your cheek, your jaw, and to your neck. He found a spot that made you gasp. The breathlessness of it was so... Arousing. He wants to hear it again. When kissing it again doesn't work as well, he tries sucking. Hearing you moan was so much better, your hand flying to the back of his head, holding him there.

Pulling back, he realized he accidentally marked your skin. Running his fingers over it, he decides that, despite the guilt, he likes it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, " his voice was rough, sending chills down your spine.

"I don't mind. I'm all yours, " you purred.

"And I'm yours."

He moved further down your body. During his studies, it is expressed that most women are very sensitive with their breasts. He takes one into his hand, earning a small moan. Slowly, he squeezes, watching your reactions. He feels a sense of achievement when he's able to log in your limit into a file dedicated to your pleasure. He moves on to your nipple, fascinated by how much more sensitive it is. Feeling his fingers weren't as effective, he took it into his mouth. The sounds you were making encouraged him.

In your bliss, you arched your back and your hips made contact with his pelvis, forcing the ache back to the forefront of his mind. In an effort to find relief, he pressed himself against you. It felt so good, his hips involuntarily bucked. He groaned. This was so much better than the simulations.

This felt so one-sided. You touched along his torso, stroking along his abs. His breath hitched when you hit the top of his jeans. Undoing his belt, you worked his pants open, guiding them down his thighs. He kicked them the rest of the way off, left in only his black boxer briefs. Curious fingers touched along the bulge, so delicate and just not enough.

"Please... Touch me... Please, " he pleaded. You pushed his boxers off, and he sighed at the release of the final restraint. He was larger than you thought he'd be, and you'd be lying if you wondered how the hell he was going to fit comfortably inside you. You take him in hand and give him a single stroke. He nearly falls on you, grinding his teeth. That was not the sensation he was expecting, nor you, if the way you quickly pull your hand away. After a quick second of research, he recognizes why.

"Too dry. This angle doesn't aid in self-lubrication, " he sits back on his haunches, "you wouldn't happen to have any lubricating oil, would you?" It would be quicker than relying on his body.

You think for a moment before rolling onto your stomach, digging around in your nightstand. In the back, you pull out a small bottle of lube and give it to him. Seeing him sit like that, cock standing at full attention, it was nerve-wracking. He was so thick, and you can see him throb in time with his thirium pump.

Connor applies some of the lube, but he takes one of your hands and adds a bit more, eyes begging you. Sitting up, you took him in hand once more, and this time, when you stroked, he released a guttural moan, hips twitching. You did it again and again, speeding up. It felt amazing, but it was so much, and he didn't want it to end like this. When your thumb played with his tip, he grabbed your wrist, stopping all your movements.

"It's your turn, " he growled, moving back over you. He took hold of your panties, slipping them down your legs and tossing them to the ground. You instinctively closed your legs, but Connor took your knees and spread your thighs once more.

"So perfect, " he cooed. You were so wet already. It really boosted his confidence. To be safe, he added more lube anyway before he started caressing your bud. You made the most exquisite sounds then.

He knows he can't just push himself inside. That kind of force would only cause you pain. Instead, he started with a finger, slipping it inside slowly and letting you adjust to the feeling. He moved, in and out, curling it to help ease you open. You were trembling, panting as he pleasured you. He added another finger, and when he curled them this time, he found your sweet spot, your back arching off the bed again. By the time he added a third finger, you were a moaning mess.

It took everything in you to gather the strength to stop him.

"C-Connor... Please, I want you."

He saves that audio clip, ensuring it will never be deleted.

Connor slips out of you, fingers coated in your juices. Curiosity got the better of him, licking his fingers. You tasted good. So good, he wishes he had the time to thoroughly taste you, but it will have to wait.

He settles between your legs and takes himself in hand. Moving slow, he pressed inside. You winced when the tip enters you, and he freezes. He can't hurt you. After a moment, you nod, indicating for him to continue. He moved gently, pausing again when he was halfway through and waiting until you gave the go-ahead again. Once his hips met yours, he relaxed, relishing in the feeling of your tight heat. If kissing you was heaven, this was nirvana.

"You can move, " you spoke, panting. You were shocked he fit. Even more so when it didn't hurt. It was a lot, but feeling him pull out, only to fill you again, it was incredible.

Connor started to speed up, setting a deep, steady pace. He couldn't stop the groans that escaped him in his ecstasy. Your hands clawed at his back, pulling on his hair, sending mixed signals to his brain. It should hurt, but instead, it all feels good. His hips pick up the pace again.

You call out his name, over and over, as if he's all you know. He can feel a tightening in his gut, telling him he's getting close. His wants aren't important right now, he must push you over the edge. Recalling his research, he slips a hand down your body, fondling your bud once more.

"Fuck! Connor!" You cry out, tears escaping the corners of your eyes as the knot in your stomach is pulled tighter. A few precise thrusts against your sweet spot was all it took to snap the tension.

Connor watched your convulsing form, feeling you squeeze around him. He slowed down, letting you ride out your orgasm before slipping out.

"W-what are you doing?" You ask, voice shaky, "you didn't..."

"It's fine. I don't want to hurt you." You were likely to be very sensitive. This was never about him anyway. He wanted to please you.

You didn't see it that way. You guided him to roll over. Taking him in hand, you sank down on him, biting your lip at the feel of it as Connor groaned. You slid up and down, but you were still sensitive, unable to keep a steady pace. Instead, you took his hands and placed them on your hips, letting him take you how he needed. He couldn't deny himself any longer. He moved quickly, trying to come as quickly as possible. You dragged your nails down his chest, adding to the bombardment on his sensors. It was too much. You could feel his cock throbbing, so close, so close, so...

A feral shout, followed by a groan of your name, left his panting lips. Every twitch filled you with his synthetic seed. It was like someone had erased his entire hard drive for a moment, replaced with nothing but pure euphoria.

You laid down on his chest, feeling exhausted.

"That was... Amazing..." You sighed. Connor agreed, slipping out of you and rolling onto his side, taking you with him. "I'm glad you were my first. It was perfect."

"Would you let me be your last?" Connor asks, hopeful eyes gazing into drowsy ones.

"Only if you make the same promise to me, " you smiled, so filled with joy.

"I promise. I love you, " he murmured into your ear, holding you close as you drift off.

"I love you, too, " were your last words, mumbled, almost incomprehensible, before you fell asleep. Connor could still hear it though, smiling down at his perfect lover. Whether human or android, he loves you all the same.

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