Midnight Sky Blues
sometimes, instead of a person,
instead of a being made of flesh and viscera,
I feel like a speck of a speck
gazing outwards like my entire tiny existence
is behind the glass dome of a planetarium.
I hop up on the observation floor and peer out
note down all that I can see with my 'scope
sometimes it's a telescope, sometimes a microscope
sometimes I can't tell the difference.
I observe all that goes on out there
and then I hop off the scope,
and I pace. and I ponder.
and I think and I postulate
but mostly I just....gaze up and out.
sometimes the glass above me
might as well not exist, because sometimes
I see great burning balls of fire
and I worry about the flames raining down here
other times I peer at a planet and see
a lush green and dinosaur party favors,
a kind of bliss I've only ever been able to see
from here.
and I'm viscerally aware that the glass
works in the most spitefully impartial way.
sometimes I want to smash the glass above me
break out of this scientific cave of misery
float up to those planets I see and join in...
but stubborn and cold logic pipes up
points out the risk of falling glass,
how shortsighted and bloody it could all end up,
and even if I break the glass I have no plan
to rise through the stratosphere
nor any plan to survive the vacuum of space
and on and on it goes,
long after I've already dropped the subject.
even when I send communications out
they're as polite as can be.
I'm aware that telegrams and Morse code
work best when the messages are short
I still find myself sidestepping any desperate language
even if it is the shortest.
I don't want anyone to worry too much.
I'm safe behind this glass I reside behind.
I'm bored and I'm lonely and I want to fly
but I never tap out any messages asking for help,
only pictures and descriptions of what they see of me.
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Mahi: hey boss.....
Neta: hey Mahi. Today is going to be really busy. Summer just started and the ankle biters are out of school so-
Mahi: there's this guy
Neta:............. gooooo oooooon
Warabi: ohhhhhhh I need to hear this!
Mahi: so there's this guy and he's really nice. I mean he's not nice but he's not an asshole...... well he's not mean to me. That's all I'm going to say. I like him I think he likes me but I don't-
Warabi: here's what you need to do. You need to let them talk. Don't say anything just listen to what he likes. Their favorite color, what they like to eat celebrity crush. What's their favorite TV show. You can tell a lot about a person when they talk about their favorite wife on ' The real housewives of foam bay'. My favorite was Shelly because she always started shit with the wives. Cod she really stirred the pot!
Mahi: I don't think He watches that show
Warabi: Oh....he. sounds like trash you should dump him.
Neta: I agree with Warabi he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. Who doesn't like that show?! Tho I prefer Reef she was headstrong and had a sharp tongue on her. I love that in a woman.
Mahi: I'm not even dating him yet!! That's why I came to you so I can! Can we stop talking about the show?!
Neta: ok ok.... Warabi was right about the listening part, but you actually need listen to their complaints. What do they hate? Who do they hate? Listen to their problems, what stresses them out, What makes them angry? While they're complaining Make sure you acknowledge them while they're complaining. You know throw a little 'ah uh' and 'okay' and make sure you throw in little 'oh that sucks' let them know that you're listening to them makes them feel heard. Also observe them pay attention to certain things their quirks there beige flags. Make sure they notice it too. You get what I'm saying. I see you, I hear you, I got you babe. I'm here for you. Even when you think I'm not. You understand you get it
Mahi: I think.......
Neta: okay so when ikkan use to come home from tours he would always come back stressed and agitated and over stimulated. He used to complain that he hated when people used to force conversation after shows. He'd just go to his trailer and listen to music on the shitty speaker that was always too loud and eat leftover ramen from the gas station and have a very lukewarm shower.
Warabi: He yelled at me on his way to the trailer once. He's so mean after shows.
Neta: shut up.....So when I pick him up at the train station I wouldn't even try to have a conversation. Just have a quiet peaceful trip home.. I put on his favorite record on low, ran a hot salt bath and ordered his favorite takeout.Let him take a nap and spend the rest of the night on the couch watching a movie...... tho. Sometimes we don't even watch the movies........heyeah......he fucking love mental intimacy and attentiveness...He was really into that
Warabi: mmmmmm....interesting
Mahi: uhhh ............ I don't think that's going to get me a boyfriend.
Neta: what the fuck will? Who is this guy? Let me see em............................ohshit........uhauhahahahhaha-....hahaha......*cough*...*cough*....... Wow! He's (wheeze).......I'm sorry allergies. Wow! he's interested in you? He's great. Very-uh talented guy he's- uhehehe.... Warabi Tell them!
Warabi:.let me see....... mahi we can't be friends.
Mahi: What what's wrong with him!? He's cute and he's......he likes me! What's wrong with him?!
Warabi: MIZOLE?!? Oh my Cod! He's such a-He's such a douchebag! I swear he thinks he revolutionized music and sees himself as some sort of innovator! He's just bargain bin ichiya!!
Mahi: That's not true!!
Warabi: Yes it is! He starts one-sided beef with other musicians for no fucking reason! He's UGH Cod.....fine ....whatever.......if it makes you happy....... If he cheats I'm breaking his legs!
Neta:hehehe *cough* uhhh... I mean he might be different around you. Maybe, I don't know. I haven't met him, I mean I did meet him once. He was........................ anyway! You might see a different side of him that we don't. This is good I'm happy for you Mahi. You said that he might like you back so just go for it. Be confident and be genuine. You're a great kid this will work out. Who knows maybe you might bring out a kinder and softer side of (wheeze) HAHAHAHAHAGSH I'm sorry! I tried to hold it in! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Mahi: you guys are dicks!....... HE'S CUTE....... and -and he's nice. He really is! Can you please just give him a chance?!.... .....fuck you guys!!! I don't even know why I even came to you! Warabi you haven't had a stable relationship in 4 years!!
Warabi: I haven't been in a monogamous relationship is 4 years
Mahi: being non-committal does not make you non-monogamous Warabi! Neta! You're still texting to taka!!! WHY??
Neta: whaaaat! He takes me to nice restaurants and buys me stuff ......... Is that so bad?
Mahi: YES!! that's worth the painful mediocrity?? Get some standards! fuck both of you! I'm gonna go text him.
Neta: Mahi come back! You're right, we're no better! We're sorry.........................................come back ..... he's gone...*sigh* Ohhhhhhh please doesn't break their heart. mizole......... he's such a piece of-
Warabi: Shit. Yeah. Yeah he is.
Neta: I was going to say a piece of work but sure
Warabi: Cod He's going to start visiting the apartment. fuck! He's going to start visiting the store now!!........... I really hope this won't end up like a spike situation. Maybe you're right. Maybe he's nicer around mahi...
Neta: let's hope so
Warabi: ...........soooo.......Tell me more about the semi toxic relationship we have with takaaaaa.
Neta: Go clean the bathroom.
Mahi belongs to @fish-at-fish-fish-resort
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Autistic meltdowns are not a manipulation tactic.
(I hate the term “meltdown” but that’s the most widely accepted parlance so I guess I’ll use it.)
As an autistic person, it’s legitimately distressing to be accused of trying to be manipulative or deceptive because:
1. It simply doesn’t occur to be manipulative or deceptive. I communicate very directly and just tell people how I am feeling and what I want.
2. I always worry that I’m secretly a bad person. I have those anxiety thoughts, like if you’re going through airport security and have the thought of “oh no what if I have a loaded gun on me and somehow forgot about it despite never having owned or even handled any kind of firearm”. I have that for every social situation, despite never intending to be manipulative or deceptive.
3. It shows me that people have misinterpreted me in the worst way possible. They have made up their own reasons for my behavior, and they have chosen to believe the worst thing about me instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt.
4. It shows me that the other person sees me as a child, when I am an emotionally mature adult.
An autistic meltdown is serious emotional dysregulation. When an autistic person is experiencing a meltdown, they are in distress. An autistic meltdown is not a manipulation tactic. An autistic meltdown is not a guilt trip. To make those assumptions is infantilizing and ableist.
An autistic person experiencing a meltdown is in such a state of dysregulation that they are not thinking about how you are perceiving them at all. They are in a state where they are too emotionally dysregulated to think clearly or process social-emotional information like how the people around them are feeling.
Autistic meltdowns feel similar in many ways to a PTSD flashbacks and should be treated just as seriously, with just as much compassion. I have actually used many of the same coping methods that I use for meltdowns for PTSD flashbacks.
It’s distressing for the individual experiencing it. Learn to recognize what it looks like, be patient with someone experiencing a meltdown, and above all else don’t assume it’s about you. It’s something that is happening to that person. Ask how you can help, give them space and allow them to access their normal methods of self-regulation.
Don’t be an asshole just because you don’t understand why someone is crying, shaking their hands, rocking back and forth, or hitting their head.
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I luckily haven't been subjected to this brand of fan with my own eyes in a while, but it's hilarious to me how many IDW Megatron fans there are that hate the shit out of IDW Optimus (or any Megatron/Optimus in general) especially when they themselves are MegOP shippers. Like they'll be like "errrrmmmm Optimus is a cop fuck him he's literally evil" babe your fave is a literal dictator and a colonizer who didn't even treat his own Decepticons respectfully but IDW OP being a cop is so unforgivable? Or are we selectively applying the standard of "this is bad IRL therefore any fictional character who is X is also bad"? Megatron said he was sorry and regrets what he did but I guess you didn't read the parts where Optimus was also sorry/had regrets for what he did so that means it doesn't exist?
That or they do some crazy ass mental gymnastics to be all like "oh uh ermmm Optimus is evil because he said something mean to someone and punched them [casually fails to mention or explain the context at all]" but then with Megatron they'll turn around and be like "here's how Megatron colonizing planets was actually just him doing what needed to be done to ensure the survival of his race, also when Megatron becomes an Autobot here's how the people on the Lost Light are actually oppressing him for telling him to stop being a fucking asshole" [paraphrased versions of takes I have seen with my literal own eyes]. Like idk I feel like it's only-reads-MTMTE syndrome striking again or something? People probably don't read enough about Optimus to know the context of what he did AND they're laboring under the MTMTE illusion that Megatron was only kind of a bastard but was really good at heart, so in combination they just decide to be absolutely unhinged and say shit that isn't remotely true? Idk
Like damn you people are weak and your takes are trash. If you're gonna defend or hate a character at least do so based on accurate information from canon instead of making up weak bullshit on how Optimus sneezing on someone by accident makes the Autobots evil incarnate and how Megatron doing unspeakable crimes was just a little oopsie/him doing what had to be done. Couldn't be me.
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