#I'll just stay miserable about it until I can fully move on

[thelittleliars]

Darkness

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts

Words: 902

A/N: I wrote this for my OWN comfort. Depression sucks and I know no matter what I'll always have to live with my it for the rest of my life. This all is just wishful thinking, the way I'd want it to go away even tho it never will. Pls don't see this as me romanticizing depression or any other mental health issues/disorder.

The dark days always hit you hard. The darkness crept upon you as if you hadn't seen the signs but you had seen them. You just couldn't do anything to stop it so you stopped wasting your energy on that and let it happen. Though during the days you always hoped for the next day to be better. It never was. At night all the Demons & Monsters were lying next to you in bed wide awake thinking about all the things you couldn't change. 

Mornings were incredibly hard for you as you could never seem to get up and often question if you still got the guts to keep waking up. When you did get up and were among people in public you hid every part of yourself so no one would see how close to the ledge you were about to jump off from.

A bunch of times followed where you were close to simply get hit by a bus or leaning too far over the railing of a skyscraper. It never happened, it made you even more miserable and at some point it seemed as if even death didn't want you. 

You sat once again on a bench at the Central Park consumed by thinking shallow thoughts that kept you somehow still afloat. Friends were long abandoned, you hadn't reached out in days if not weeks. You couldn't bring yourself to care them, not if this darkness robbed you of ever little strength you had left, you also had no mental capacity for yet another living creature.

Someone had sat down next to you as you were digging yourself your mental grave, you did not notice them, at least not until you felt the first snow flakes falling against your skin. It was Natasha Romanoff, your supposed 'home'. Only supposed home since you didn't feel the feeling of home for a long time now. You had once pushed her away from you. It was something you regretted but never made an attempt to make up for.

"Sharon called me." She started which not explaining further since she knew that you'd know exactly the reason why. "Shit sounded bad so I tracked you down. Was surprised at how good you became at disappearing." You did not utter a single word. Natasha knew you wouldn't answer, most times when it all got too much you turned semi verbal or even nonverbal. "Let's get you to your apartment?" She stood up and held her hand out for your to take. You didn't want to go, sitting there in the cold gave you a sense of comfort that you longed for. "We can watch a movie or simply lie in bed while staring at the stars we hung up on your ceiling." You were hesitant with putting your hand in hers since the lump in your chest felt only heavier. You dreaded to go 'home'. The single reminder of your bedroom reminded you that those four walls had seen too much already and that added more suffocation to your existing pile. 

At your apartment you seemed to crumble even more into yourself. How much more falling into the deep was possible? You didn't know, still hoping that the bottom would come soon enough. The deep bottom you thought would come and wished it came, didn't come, instead a steadiness of the dark arrived, you believed this was your bottom of this awful 'phase'. 

One night of staying with you turned into fully two weeks. Natasha basically moved back in with you. At first she wasn't so sure if it would be worth it but then she really thought about it and came to the conclusion that it was worth it, you were always worth it. As hard as it were for her, she knew how much harder it must had been for you. She single handly saw how at the end you were. You didn't even had the energy to push her away anymore. 

Night after night she laid quietly in bed with you. Day after day she helped you cooking, doing the dishes, changing clothes and if it was an extremely bad day she helped washing your body and hair. On a day you felt better yet still awful, you bought her flowers and her favorite alcohol. You were grateful for her and everything she did for you. She soon became a reason for you to start fighting the dark again. This time you were hopeful that things could get better. And they did, extremely slow for your liking but you couldn't complain, not after surviving your demons and monsters. 

Natasha stood by your side of every step you took. She even went to therapy with you when you told her you wanted to try it. She made sessions lighter until you were comfortable enough to go alone. Looking back you wanted to cry over how much she sacrificed to help you. You felt guilty about that but she reassured you that she'd do it all over again if she had the chance because it was worth it. You were worth it all. To seeing you smile, to seeing you being you, to gazing into each others eyes, to getting to touch you, to being held by you, to loving you and getting loved by you. 

Sometimes all you need is someone who understands you deeply and helps you simply with their presence. 

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x you

[firespirited]

I wasn't able to do what I wanted today but still very pleased.

Yesterday Lily needed an emergency close trim so we could find out if she had splinters or something in her legs and feet (she gets dreadlocks overnight if we don't get her fully dry after a walk in dew or puddles) as she started limping at the end of yesterday's walk, we were crossing a car park and she suddenly slowed down and was keeping weight off one leg. Turns out she has a slight tendinitis above the little nubbin above the front paw, slightly swollen and pink - she's not in pain but we've decided to carry her downstairs to the front lawn instead of walks until the swelling goes down. The trim was delicate work so that set off the neck. The carrying counts towards 'total shoulder use' for the day so no crochet for a while.

+Managed to locate some lost doll eyes which have now been moved to the "eye" zipper bag. Thought i just had the one set but there are two and also some lovely 10mm dark brown eyes for the mermaze whenever I get around to that. it's funny how distressing losing things can be like part of you has decided to drive the other part slightly mad. What a relief!

+My favourite winter trousers are made of wool, by the time I realised they were great and worth getting twice, they'd sold out and I've never seen anything like them again. Over time they got small holes and were partially threadbare at the crotch where you get chub rub. I was thinking about maybe patching them but rethought it after realising they're saggy enough that rehemming the crotch down the legs about 12cm on either side with a slight diagonal at the end to fade into the original hem would be good. It's nice and tough and seamless. 👌

+Compromised on a chore I couldn't complete: Instead of trying all my t-shirts at once, I've been wearing each one at night and deciding if they're too loose. Put them in the wash after. Gradually putting all the too oversized ones to the right of my lil closet regardless of sentimental value. They served me well, they don't fit anymore. Thank you, goodbye (well my sister might claim a few, there's a v neck that looks like nurse Chappelle from Star Trek TOS I'll miss that one).

+End of year hobby or accomplishment 'assessments' always annoy me to bits at first, I start getting miserable and grouchy and then pick up as soon as I actually get down to concrete stuff not the "woulda coulda shouldas". I got the big grumble out of my system and noticed that may-june was the turning point of accepting new limitations and deciding to enjoy gunky bundles of dolls even if I don't customize them all, even if it takes more patience and smaller batches of cleanup. A former client also used the reroot kit i made her to learn, starting with a unravelled yarn I sent and has been doing gorgeous work since. She has such great taste, I did love working for her.

+I've accepted that intracommunity fraud and abuse has always been a problem instead of just being super disappointed in the past 3 or 4 activists with dirty secrets. Unlearning hierarchies and building judgement-free safety nets like community funds, places to stay etc has to be part of the way forward or else people look for leadership or feel they have no-one to turn to and get 'saved' by folks with dodgy intentions. That means fighting for secular, inclusive, accessible shelters and resources even for annoying freaky obnoxious overly needy people. It means rejecting charismatic leaders in favour of committee based decision making even if it's slower and looks less decisive to the centrists. These are patterns of thinking ingrained from childhood in how we think about organising or spirituality or even hobbies.

No we don't need a queen bee. It might take us a few votes to get there but we *will* make decisions by consensus - without pastors/presidents because leadership in western culture is not remotely about serving the people in the actual practice. If I can find a way to communicate one political principle next year it'll be the importance of decentralised work. Little people doing big things slowly not saviours who do some big magic. Every health inspector, every school board member making sure the new building is wheelchair accessible and not built with junk materials. The people making sure medical books include symptoms on black skin. The people who fight to get a piece of road a new speed limit or traffic lights. That sort of 'small' work that saves lives.

+I've had to put off the flu vaccine due to an immune drop. I'd been waffling as I don't have a huge amount of contacts... but as soon as small wounds start healing normally, I'm getting my carer to take me to the pharmacy. Can't trust my neighbours or carer. That's one solid decision made.

+Sis requested that I decorate the Christmas tree as she's not been well but it really matters to her. I asked if I could do just white and silver on the dark green plastic tree - was told that's "not festive or fun" but I asked that she at least see it first. I worked on the settee with the 1m tree beside me so I wouldn't have to use my shoulders (i dumpster dived and scrubbed it in January, it's the biggest we've ever had since childhood. I got sis a mini tree that would move with us instead.). It turned out 'classy' and 'surprisingly very pretty'. 😁😎😘

+I need to find warm boots. Not sure how to go about it as the ones from the same brand as the shoes are sold out and the order cancelled. I'm going to try second hand and keep looking at men's hiking and snow shoes as they'll have the width and flat soles needed. Still no way of getting to an actual thrift or shoe store. I've donated several pairs of lovely but not right for my posture boots and hope they found good homes.

+Another resolution is to take any guilt i feel from donation request posts and go look at how they're living before I spiral. This isn't about my general circle here on tumblr. You all are doing the mostest on so little.

But in april when that youtuber did a donation drive, there had just been a couple of other people asking for money and i'd felt really awful. Then later i'd actually clicked the full link and the ask was more than I live off for months, people living way above their means, people not thinking to put their fun money aside for their pet's inevitable needs. This spring Lily wasn't doing great and I was considering how to proceed when she's gone: If I have the savings and energy necessary to properly care for a dog. At the time I was unable to carry her to go outside when she struggled with stairs and the vet bills for a full x-ray to dx arthritis and pain meds were double what they were just 3 years ago for Ginger.

I don't know how to work it into a routine but I'm done being guilted by people who don't think a pet comes with expenses or who take a trip or spend massively instead of having even a tiny cushion for the next emergency. Of course I don't mean people living from paycheck to paycheck, disabled folks who can't have savings, let alone 'no treats ever, no avocado toast' but we're not talking about a roommate running out on the rent or a medical emergency just terrible financial literacy and aggressive demands for help. Worst was one person got sick from a convention where they partied unmasked, travelled unmasked then weren't able to do a gig job they'd planned to pay it off because they were on credit the whole time and then were like "I'm multiply marginalised you all owe me and it's your fault my pets will die" but worded cleverly enough to get past my defenses and red flags until a careful re-read of surrounding context. 😬

I've gotten high on the relative safety of the past few years, mostly emotional safety and free healthcare safety and forgotten that this is a very carefully curated safety by living frugal in maladaptive ways so when the washing machine dies it's not the apocalypse it's just a lot of extra work. I don't want to be the asshole that says learn to spend better. But maybe I'm not the asshole for dismissing your post when you're asking someone who you wouldn't ask if you had any idea.

#saf #ramblings

[solarsystementertainment]

Irregular Debut

 Prompt: hey can i have one when daeun is on her periods and joey comforts/takes care of her? 

Daeun had been feeling sick the past couple of days. She was fairly certain she had caught some kind of stomach bug that was just presenting really weirdly. The symptoms she’s had thus far are nausea, headache, stomach pains, and change in appetite. The only thing that was confusing her was the lack of fever. She was currently on day five of feeling like shit and the others, mostly her unnies, had talked her into taking the day off to rest yesterday.

Even though she had stayed home to rest yesterday, Daeun still didn’t feel good. The only issue was that today was the group’s debut day, so she couldn’t sit out. She didn’t have a fever, and she didn’t have any other symptoms that would warrant delaying their debut or sitting it out. She walked out of her room ready to debut while feeling miserable.

When she entered the living room, Daeun was met with her members, who all had hard to discern expressions on their faces. “What’s going on?” She asked as she sat down, not being able to hide the wince as her abdomen began hurting again. Jihye stood up and raised the blinds, revealing that a fairly significant amount of snow had fallen overnight.

“All the roads are closed until they get properly cleared. Our debut has been delayed until tomorrow.” Haneul said this then sighed as Jihye screamed something about a snow fort and ran out of the room. She came back a couple minutes later fully decked out in snow pants, boots, a coat, thin gloves, and a hat. She grinned somewhat mischievously before running out of the dorm.

“Unnie has the right idea. If we can’t even go to the company today, we might as well have some fun.” Nari stood up and grabbed her coat. Haneul soon followed. “JJ and Daeun unnie, you should come out and play too.” Nari said.

Joey shook their head in response. “I’m going to stay here. I might go out later, but I think Daeun still isn’t feeling well. I’m going to keep her company.” Joey, Haneul, and Nari all looked over to Daeun, who quietly confirmed that she still wasn’t feeling good. Haneul and Nari nodded before going outside to join Jihye.

JJ moved closer to Daeun, mild concern etched onto their face. "Do you think you want to see a doctor? You've been feeling sick all week." 

Daeun shook her head. While she was feeling sick, she didn't think warranted a trip to the doctor. Besides with roads closed, she wouldn't be able to go in until tomorrow. Daeun's stomach growled just then, signifying that she's hungry. She stood up to go to the kitchen, only to feel JJ tug on her shirt. "What is it?" Daeun unintentionally sounded a bit annoyed and was quick to apologize.

"I don't think you're going to need a doctor Daeunnie." Daeun looked confused and Joey disappeared to the bathroom and returned with a pad. They handed it to Daeun before walking to the kitchen. "I'll make breakfast, you should change your clothes.”

Daeun was a bit confused as she went to the bathroom with the pad Joey handed her. As she undressed, she saw a decent size blood stain on her pajama pants. She swore under her breath as she threw her clothes into the laundry hamper and began to run a shower. When she finished her shower, Daeun saw that Joey had placed some new clothes on the bathroom counter for her. She sighed as she got dressed.

Daeun walked into the common area and saw that Joey had made omelettes. She thanked JJ before sitting down and beginning to eat. “You know,” Joey began. “If you had told us that you were feeling sick because your period was coming, we wouldn’t have been so pressed on making you take the day off yesterday.” 

Daeun shook her head in response until she swallowed down the mouthful of food she was chewing. “I didn’t know my period was coming. Thanks for the change of clothes by the way unnie.” This time Joey looked confused.

“What do you mean you didn’t know your period was coming? Don't you keep track of it?” Daeun once again shook her head.

“I’ve always had very irregular cycles. I think my last period was like three months ago and the one before that was like back in January or something. It’s fine, besides, it means that I’m not actually sick." Just then Daeun was overcome with a cramp and winced as she placed a hand on her abdomen. In response, Joey got up and went to the group’s medicine cabinet, grabbing the bottle of tylenol. They placed it in front of Daeun then went back to eating their food.

After breakfast, the duo moved back to the living room. Although Joey made a detour to their room first to grab something. Daeun had turned on the tv. She decided to turn on Netflix and pulled up the drama Beauty Inside. She was a few minutes into the first episode when JJ returned carrying two hot water bottles. Joey had Daeun sit up and they placed one water bottle behind her back then gave the other one for her front.

“I promise that the heat will make you feel much better when it’s on both your stomach and back.” Daun nodded and seemed to deflate a little bit in relief as the heat immediately began to help with the pain. “So, what’re you watching?” Joey asked as they sat in a nearby chair. Daeun explained what little of the drama had currently played.

Over the course of the next few hours, Joey continued to care for Daeun. Which mainly meant making her tea and keeping her company. It had also become apparent that Daeun didn’t actually know a whole lot about how period’s worked, because she kept asking Joey questions. Of course Joey answered to the best of their ability, occasionally having to look up a word or two because they didn’t know the word for it in Korean.

When Joeoy decided it was time to make lunch, Daeun was feeling much better. She had decided to help with making lunch, and even ran outside to bring the others in for the meal. They were all glad to hear that the second youngest was feeling a bit better, and even more glad to know what exactly was wrong. Apparently the three women that had gone outside had spent the last few hours working on a snow fort and now that Daeun knew she wasn’t sick, Jihye and Nari couldn’t help but ask Joey and Daeun to join them outside after eating to continue building. The duo quickly agreed, and the group ate their lunch.

The group spent the entirety of the afternoon working on the snow fort. Haneul made sure to take some pictures with her phone to post on SNS later so Anti-Venom would be able to see how they spent what was supposed to be their debut day. Joey, who was actually a bit of an ecology nerd, had spent about an hour by themselves making something in the snow. When Jihye had approached them to see what they were doing, she saw that Joey was making miniature sculptures of each members’ representative animals. She was quick to call the leader over to take pictures of that as well.

The following day, the group had their actual debut Joey had been checking in periodically with Daeun to make sure she was feeling okay. They also made sure to bring pain meds and a heating pad so that Daeun would hopefully not be in too much pain as they waited in the waiting room to go up on stage.

#venom-mal

[oro-e-diamanti]

The one where Ethan is pretending

Description | When you bump into Ethan in Paris, you fail to mention that you know exactly who he is. You’re not sure how long you’ll be able to keep it up when he asks you out for a drink.

Content | Fluff

Pairing | Ethan x gn!Reader (with the exception of one female pet name)

Word Count | 2071

Taglist | @ginny-lily @ethaneskin @tabi-toast @mywritingonlyfans

***

There was no way you were staying in the same place that Måneskin had just arrived at. There was no way, you kept telling yourself. Paris was a massive city, the number of available hotels in the hundreds, maybe thousands if you had to guess. And yet, somehow, you had managed to pick the one place one of your new favourite obsessions would spend their time. You knew it didn't mean much, the hotel had more than a couple of rooms and with your luck, you wouldn't even catch a glimpse of them. But as you kept scrolling through Instagram, seeing pictures of people meeting the four Italians in front of the place you had checked into mere days ago, you couldn't fight a little bubble of excitement forming in your chest.

Well, you told yourself you wouldn't get your hopes up. And you definitely wouldn't hang around in front of the hotel or in the lobby. You had booked your solo trip to Paris months ago, after dreaming about visiting the city for most of your life, and you would be damned if you wouldn't stick to your itinerary and enjoy your holiday. However - you had gotten up at what felt like dawn to go queue up for the Louvre and spent the last couple of hours there, so you decided that a nap was the way to go if you wanted to continue exploring the city in the evening. Fortunately, the walk back to the hotel wasn't long.

You had made it to the last corner before entering the street you were aiming for, when two giggling girls ran past you, unceremoniously bumping your shoulder and sending you tumbling. You were fully expecting to hit the ground, but instead, a pair of strong arms caught you and brought you back to your feet. A pair of strong arms belonging to a strong chest that you came face-to-face with, belonging to a gorgeous face, belonging to Ethan Torchio.

"Tu vas bien?" His broad French accent confused you, momentarily forgetting about the little detail that you were, in fact, in France, as you stared at the drummer in front of you, who was still protectively holding onto your upper arms.

"Huh?" Was the immensely intelligent answer that thus left your mouth.

"Oh, not French?"

"No, definitely not French." You finally said, taking a step back from him to avoid the increasing awkwardness you were feeling about being touched by him, while the two girls who had previously knocked you down were now lingering around the two of you suspiciously, not coming close enough to be rude, but obviously desperate to get their own piece of Ethan. "No, just a tourist."

"Me too," Ethan smiled. "A tourist, I mean. Well, kind of. I'm here with my band so it's not like we have time to do a lot of sightseeing."

He briefly turned around to look at the two girls who still seemed frustrated at you hogging his time and gave a small wave before turning back to you. It was the movement that made you realise he had the most gorgeous red rose tucked into the waistband of his trousers. Well, it used to be the most gorgeous rose - after your little crash, it had bent in the middle, the top hanging only by a thread, in the most miserable fashion.

"Oh, no I am so sorry!" You gasped, carefully grasping the delicate petals that were on the verge of breaking off. "I must have crashed into it when you caught me."

"Don't worry about it," Ethan said, softly, and pulled the stem from his waistband. The flower looked even more tragic now, in all its crushed glory. "A fan gave it to me a few minutes ago."

"Huh?" You surely proved yourself articulate in this conversation. You mentally hit yourself, angry at yourself for being so easily flustered.

"There are a few fans waiting in front of our hotel, because we're in a ... band ... and things."

Apparently, your awkwardness was contagious. Also, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Ethan thought that you had no idea who he was.

"Let me get you a new one," you suggested. "There's a flower shop just two doors down from the hotel - I mean, I am staying there, too, so I know."

He smiled at you with a serenity and calmness that had your heart soaring. You decided you'd be willing to buy him a million roses if only he kept smiling at you like that for a little longer.

"Well, I've got to go now, but it would be rude to refuse your offer. Meet you in the bar of the hotel at 8 tonight?"

No way this was happening. You almost gasped, but at the last moment managed to keep your cool, outwardly. On the inside, you were a mess. Bumping into the drummer of one of your favourite bands was a wonderful chance meeting as it was - but this almost sounded like a date. Now, of course, Ethan wouldn't be asking you out on a date. That would be ridiculous. But there was also no way you would miss out on a chance to meet him again. Preferably without those two giggling girls that were still standing behind him, watching every move of your interaction but luckily too far away to hear what you were saying.

"It's a d- uh, deal," you quickly recovered before almost spitting out the word date instead. Ethan chuckled.

"Right, see you later, then, for our... deal."

He had seen right through you anyway, you thought. But he was still laughing, so it wasn't all that bad - right?

With another quick touch to your upper arm, Ethan walked past you, turning around just one last time.

"My name is Ethan, by the way. You can tell me yours tonight."

Oh, you would.

***

The rest of the day was... well, restless. You couldn't nap because your mind was a whirlwind and your stomach was twisting with excitement. So instead, you had made sure to get the prettiest red rose you could find in the flower shop down the street - while slightly wincing at the price that a shop in the center of the city of love demanded - and put it in a glass the hotel receptionist had been nice to give to you. Then you had decided that there was no way you would manage to relax before 8, so you allowed yourself a few hours simply wandering through the city, no real destination, no itinerary for once, just a nice long stroll with nothing but your thoughts.

At five past eight - being slightly late was still cool, right? - you did a quick check-up in the mirror, realised you were not going to get any happier with your appearance whatever you tried to do at this point, grabbed the rose from its makeshift vase, and left your room.

It only took you a second to see him when you entered the little bar on the ground floor of the hotel. Even in the dim light, the white blouse that he had already been wearing when you met for the first time stood out like a sore thumb. Long dark hair fell over his back in a silky fashion. You had never wanted to touch anyone's hair more.

You took one more deep breath and then walked over to Ethan, smile on your face and rose in your hand.

"A rose for the handsome gentleman?"

Ethan almost jumped, apparently not having heard you coming, but quickly a smirk spread over his face while he stood up.

"I'll take the rose and your name, then."

"It's Y/n."

Ethan greeted you with a soft kiss to your cheek, before taking the rose, pulling your chair back, and inviting you to sit. It was almost ridiculously romantic and if it had been anyone else it would have seemed over-the-top and off-putting, but with Ethan it seemed sincere and fitting.

"Glass of wine, Y/n?" He asked as he casually waved the waiter over to your table.

"Just one. I want to get up early tomorrow for some more sightseeing."

***

It didn't end up being just one glass. It ended up another one and then a bottle shared. But it also ended up with three hours of talking, laughing, teasing, and slowly moving your chairs closer together until you were basically sitting on the same side of the table. You had asked him about his band - still trying to cover up that you knew exactly who they were out of pure fear that he'd reject you for being a fan - and he has asked about your job, your life, your family. In fact, you only left the bar when the waiter had started throwing you annoyed looks while demonstratively cleaning the tables around you.

"I'll bring you to your room," Ethan chuckled lightly as you waited for the elevator. His hand was on the small of your back and it was spreading tingles all through your body. You were standing close enough that you could smell his perfume, a light yet musky scent that encapsulated everything about him.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he lightly pushed you inside and you found yourself not minding him leading you like this. You pressed the button for your floor, leaning against the wall as you studied the man in front of you. He was a thing of beauty, no question about it, and when he smiled down at you the way he was right then and there, he made you feel like one, too.

"I had a lovely evening, Y/n. Is there any chance I could get your number?"

What a question, you thought to yourself. You'd be mad to refuse him!

You dug your phone out of your cluttered bag. You had switched numbers just a few weeks ago and had not yet learned the new digits by heart. Quickly, you switched it on - and your heart sank. Oh crap. You had completely forgotten about this.

The lockscreen of your phone was a picture of Måneskin.

As you looked up, you realized Ethan had seen. And, contrarily to the reaction that you were anticipating, he was wearing a massive grin.

"Ethan, I am so sorry, I should have told you immediately when we met but I kind of just stumbled into this and you were explaining you were in a band and I didn't know how to say-"

"Dolcezza, calm down. I've known all along."

"Wait - what?"

He didn't explain. Instead, he pointed to your bag - your tote bag - your Måneskin tote bag.

You truly felt like the least intelligent life form on earth.

"I've been carrying that around all day, haven't I?"

While your embarrassment grew, face heating up, Ethan grabbed your shoulders and pulled you into his body. His arms tightly wrapped around your body and you could feel his giggles in his chest, as your head was pressed against it. You didn't hesitate in reciprocating, clinging onto his torso, slowly swinging from side to side. Both of you caught in a tipsy stupor.

You only stopped when the elevator arrived at your floor, both of you stumbling out and dragging each other to your door while clinging on. When you reached your room, you let your back lean against it, pulling Ethan along so you were standing face to face, smiling at each other shily and yet never breaking eye contact.

"Why didn't you say anything?" You finally asked. He stroked your cheek, leaving goosebumps. He had now gotten so close that you could feel his breath on your, drowning in each other.

"I liked pretending."

And then he kissed you. Boldly, unafraid and passionate. You melted like putty under him, letting him take control while letting yourself fall, as his lips moved against yours.

You only pulled away enough to get another glance at him, before once again searching your bag, now one-handed, so you never quite had to let go of him. A small triumphant sound escaped you as you located the key card. Holding it up next to your face, you shot the man in front of you another smirk.

"Why don't we keep pretending? At least for tonight."

It wasn't an offer he was going to refuse.

#ethan torchio #maneskin #ethan torchio imagine #ethan torchio fiction #ethan tochio x you #ethan torchio x reader #maneskin imagine #maneskin fiction #fluff #my writings

[shlutnutt]

𝙍𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 5.

this is my first ever smut and probably any writing in general so dont expect it to be the best loll.. hope you enjoy though :) !!!

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴!! : 𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘵, 𝘬𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘥𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘦𝘹?, 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘤𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨

ight so boom.

Mr. March continued staring at your pretty face, analyzing and tracing every single one of your soft unique features with his gaze, completely mesmerized and in hunger. You weren't in the mood due to some hotel customers ding dong ditching every door they'd lay their eyes on causing lots of complains. The feeling of annoynce started to rise within you causing you to attempt to snap him out of his dreamy fantasy. His room dark and quiet, the chat you were both having, was soon ready to turn into an avalanche.

"What the fuck, James. Stop staring at me." you snapped raising your voice slightly with confidence. His mesmerized stare quickly transformed into a deep frown, feeling absolutely disrespected. His goal was to intimidate you, to make you beg for forgiveness as he got up from his creaky antique sofa heading behind his work desk carefully leaning down opening one of the bottom drawers. Fully invested you follow his every move, eager to find out what's in his creative murder mind this time.

"Listen to me Y/N... Didn't we talk about disrespecting daddy? I thought we did. Didn't we?" James questions in pure elegance and lust, jingling the heavy handcuffs he had in hand. Your breath got caught in your throat, immediately regretting your previous outrageous comment, predicting what were to happen next giving the best to your ability to not make a single comment, facial expression, or nervious body language to prevent giving him any sort of satisfaction. Making James upset was one of your many favorite hobbies, knowing the effect it has on him and will most definitely have on you also, its like going on a never ending roller coaster, only that this roller coaster is full of teasing and is absolutely stunning. Silence filling the room with an unbreakable stare you both hold, you slowly press your legs together feeling your innocence get wetter by the minute. "Get up" demands James, scanning your every move as you get up from your seat and slowly walk towards him nervousness filling every single flesh in your body. "Yes, daddy?" You automatically innocently question, remembering how much he loved that word slip out of your lips.

The two of you now inches away from eachother, a small seductive smirk appearing on his delicate pink lips. Leaning down to your ear James sassed "You think you can go 5 rounds today, my dereast?" Unsure you responded to his rhetorical question "Of course I can why would you thi-" James smashes his lips onto yours, leaving you breathless. Carefully and discretely putting your hands behind your back as he handcuffs you. He chokes you, hard. Making sure he leaves marks for days, you squeeked in shock realizing that your hands had been handcuffed and your under James' harsh chokehold. March breaks the kiss only to pull your chin down slightly opening your mouth spitting on your tongue and going back to kiss you, tasting him in your mouth, your lips feel painfully numb from the harsh kisses you two shared, shifting slightly from his lips you feel a harsh stinging from James' harsh touch against your cheek, you groan in pleasure loving how aggressive he's gotten with you.

"Get on your knees, my pretty little slut" Still handcuffed you drop down to your knees almost immediately, soaking wet and ready for whats to come next.

"Listen to me, beautiful. You are not to make a single sound. Okay? If you do, I'll make sure I bring everyone from this entire hotel into this room and let them watch how I fuck you." You look up at him totally mesmerized by his masculine beauty ignoring his comment for a second, you pause a little just to admire the man who's soul you were about to suck. You open your mouth signaling James that you were ready for his hard member. He begins grinding his hips lightly against your tongue, you grew in desperate need as his clothed member brushed up and down your tongue. You've been doing a great job following James' intructions until a delightful deep groan slipped out of James, making you want to orgasm in that instant. He was aware of the effect that had on you so he proceeded his deep groans and began taking off his buttoned up shirt, revealing his sweaty toned chest and abs. You were driving crazy and attempted to unzip his pants with your teeth in which you failed miserably, "So needy.. hm?" James exhales, his cock still rubbing on your face completing your attempt for you allowing his member to spring up lightly tapping his stomach and back down to your forehead . You didnt think twice before slipping his tip into your mouth, teasing him lightly as a result from him teasing you beforehand.

"Oh fuck, Y/N.. You're doing so good." James praises. You now sucking him fully and uncontrollably, his deep lustfilled moans traveling through the dullness of his room. You groan slightly to his moans completely forgetting about his previous warnings, you feel him pull out of you and harshly pulling you up by your throat. Without a word leaving his lips he harshly throws you onto the bed and uncuffs you, searching for another pair of handcuffs as he aggressively handcuffs you again onto the antique bed frame this time that sat behind his bed. A smirk not leaving your lips as you teasingly exclaim "Come on, daddy. Let them watch how you fuck me." James seem to be distracted with something which you paid no mind to but immediately teleports your way and rips all of your clothes apart throwing every item of your clothing to their own direction, leaving you butt naked. Your wetness now leaking onto James' bed who doesn't stop staring at your innocence for a second.

"You're so wet for me already, gorgeous?" James teases as he swipes two fingers through your folds collecting your juices making you clench in pleasure. You watch him as he sucks your juices off of one of his fingers, leading his other one to your mouth allowing you to taste yourself as well. You sucked his finger dry, as he carefully watched you. "Mmm, I would like some more" You hear James groan as he leans down to your leaking innocence and shaky legs, slowly opening your thighs allowing him to have full access to whats been needing him the most. James licked your cunt once causing you to moan pathetically not caring about his previous demands. The pulling on your handcuffs and James' tongue ultimately exploring your sweet insides, driving you closer and closer to your high giving you a huge feeling of ecstasy sending shock waves through your entire body it was unbelievably astonishing.

"Knock, knock! I gathered everyone... Mr. march. We're ready for the meeting.." You hear a familiar feminine voice say in utter confusion as they hear your helpless moans from the other side of the hotel door. Your eyes opening wide in shock, knowing exactly what the psycho eating you out had just done. You feel him get up, you stare at the ceiling for a few seconds in pure embarrassment knowing what was to come as you see James unzipping his pants once more, sneaking his hands under your sweaty naked body to flip you over all in one swift motion. You were now faced down on the humid bed, your back arched in natural tradition. You look back to James slapping your ass.. hard. Causing you to close your eyes tight feeling the harsh sting as he kissed it afterwards. You later hear shifting sounds from behind, making you look back once again. You encounter James with a sharp classic knife in hand, pure lust in his eyes as you see his chest moving up and down aggressively. James had a knife play kink. He loved to see your body quiver in fear as he traced the blade down your body lightly cutting you at times, he admired licking your blood clean as you cry under his touch. He's James Patrick March, nothing too surprising coming from him.

"Are you ready for our guests, my pretty little thing?" Another rhetorical question drops from his lips. Your body aching in eagerness for James, you hear footsteps and whispers from behind you. You don't dare look in pure embarrassment. Closing your eyes tightly in discomfort you feel a familiar thick touch against your folds, making you softly whimper in need. James smashed himself into you not giving you any time to adjust to his size, rapidly thrusting and groaning against your powerless self, your orgasm soon approaching to the experience you were feeling. The crowd watching, James fucking you nonstop and pressing the blade up and down your back softly while you're handcuffed to the bed frame made the desirable experience surreal, making you cum. Your juices coating James' member as he pulls out to lick you clean and go back in. A few people from the crowd had left in disbelief and shock as a few others stayed to enjoy the show such as Mr. Wu and the pornstars, taking mental notes. James fucked you again and again, making you cum again and again until he was on his last round.

Round number 5.

Your body completely exhausted melting to James' aggressive penetration into your now sensitive warmth, made you beg for him to stop. Causing him to thrust a couple more times, before pulling out and nutting on your back. The warmth of his cum on your back giving you a feeling of relief. "Uncuff m-me.. plea- please.." you suggested barely even being able to speak. "Of course sweetheart, you should've asked before" he smiled at you innocently as if he wasn't going to punish you for if you asked such thing. He uncuffs you, wrists red and nearly bleeding, you collapse onto him and hug him tightly tearing from your exhaustion. James realizes you've begun getting vulnerable under him and asks everyone to leave.

"Bath?" James asked innocently, as if he didnt just made you cum 5 times all in one night.

"Yeah.. bath" you answer. Smile forming on James' soft cheeks, dimples appearing.

"Hey, can we not do that again?" you ask. James looks up from his blade which he had been fidgeting with to your face in confusion. "The everyone watching me thing." you specify. Causing a chuckle to fall from his lips. "You told me to, dear. Remember?" You then laugh, remembering that you in fact did tell him to, pushing him playfully which causes him to look up at you, serious expression on his face. You look at him also, breaking the eye contact quickly realising you've fucked up.

"Round 6?"

"Oh God, no James."

#evan peters #smut #ahs fanfiction #ahs imagine #ahs hotel #ahsfx #american horror story #james patrick march #dirty talk #kinkystuff #kinkyaf #imagine #imagines #fanfic #james march #jpm #jpm x reader #x reader

[dragon-kazansky]

Made with love | Helmut Zemo

Chef Zemo AU! 👨‍🍳

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 11

Helmut took Tony into the back and proceeded to push him back against the wall. Tony barely flinched, just fixed his suit.

"What is this?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why are you doing to this me?" Helmut demanded.

"You know why."

Helmut grabbed Tony's shirt and pulled him closer to him. He was seeing red. He was pissed. Beyond that.

"Just leave me alone."

"No, can do, Zemo."

"You already ruined everything once before. Why must you come back and so it a second time?"

"Because no man like you deserves happiness, Zemo. Your father knew that."

Helmut proceeds to punch Tony squarely across the jaw. He ignores the throbbing of his fist as he glares at other man, who was now cradling his face.

"Why is she even here?"

"Because I invited her. Because I want to make your life miserable. Because she wanted to see you again."

Helmut growls. It was taking everything within him not to straight up commit murder here and now.

"I have Y/N."

"I know. After tonight, you'll be lucky if you still do."

Helmut stepped back and looked back at the door. Damn it! He had just left you without word. You must be worried.

"I will end you, Stark. You and your empire will fall."

Stark laughs.

"I'd like to see you try."

Zemo gives Tony a good kick before he leaves. He rushes out of that door faster than anything and instantly scans the room for you.

He doesn't see you.

He spots Sam and Bucky standing alone. He makes his way over to them, but hands gripping his arm stop him. He turns sharply to see who dared get in his way.

He had to find you.

Heike.

"Helmut."

He stops.

"Let go of me."

She let's go, lips tugging into a frown.

"It's good to see you."

He stares at her silently.

He ignores how Tony exists the back room behind her, trying to fix his suit and pretend there wasn't a horrible bruise forming on his face. Pepper hurried over to him to ask what had happened.

"Helmut, say something."

"What do you want me to say?" He asks, voice sharp and unkind.

She flinched a little.

"I thought you might be happy to see me."

"Happy?"

He turns his whole body to face her. Helmut is taller than Heike. He has to look down a bit to see meet her eyes. The way he stands over her is intimidating and not at all what she had hoped he would be like with her.

"I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

He scoffs.

"What do you think? Of course you did. You and him. Did you know my father died? The restaurant is mine now. I already have to deal with Stark trying to buy it off me, and now I have to deal with you being here. Why did you come back?"

"To see you. And no, I didn't know about your father. I'm sorry, Helmut."

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Nevermind. I have to go," he takes a step back.

Heike reaches out again.

"Helmut."

He doesn't listen. He moves his arm out of her reach and marches away toward Sam and James.

The boys straighten up when he approaches.

"Where did they go?"

"Outside," Sam replies.

"Do they know?"

"Yes."

Helmut wants to make a snide comment, but doesn't. He leaves instantly, heading outside. He pushed the doors open violently and looks up and down the street.

He only sees Natasha.

"Where are they?" He asks, coming to a stop in front of her.

"At home."

He's about to head back himself, but Natasha forces him to face her. He stares back, but whereas her gaze is judging and harsh, his is desperate and pleading.

"Did you know?" She asks.

He shakes his head, quickly.

"No."

Natasha let's go of him. Helmut doesn't anything as he rushes off. He heads straight back to the apartment.

It's quiet.

Your bedroom door is closed. He walks up to it and pressed his ear to the cold wood. He can't hear anything, but he knows you're in there.

"Y/N."

Nothing.

"I didn't know she was going to be there. Really, I didn't. It's been years since I last saw her. We were engaged. I loved her dearly, I was devoted to her, but Tony Stark saw to it that ended quickly."

The door swings open unexpectedly.

You stand there and stare at him.

"What?"

A little startled that you actually had opened the door to him, he didn't answer right away, but his soon realised you were waiting for an answer and gathered his thoughts.

"My father and Stark's father, Howard, we friends. Howard was my father's business party when Escorpión Morado first opened up, but eventually Howard signed all rights over to Heinrich. Howard married and not long after they were expecting, so he moved back to the States where he was originally from. He wrote to my father and one day cane to visit him. Tony and I were children. We used to play in the restaurant."

"You and Tony grew up together?" You asked.

"Not quite. They went back to the States and I didn't see Tony Stark for years. By the time he did come back, as I was working for my father, learning to cook just like him. The Stark's returned to see my father. We got on, for a while. The next time Tony came back, his parents had died. A car accident. He came back with this woman. Heike. She was beautiful. I fell in love with her instantly. Tony had brought us together, but soon she had to leave. She promised to come back."

You stay silent.

"She returned, again and again. We were in love. I decided I wanted to marry her, so I asked her and she said yes. We were engaged for a year and then that day came. I was standing at the alter, waiting. She knew showed up. I didn't find out until much later that Tony Stark had whisked her away back to the States with promises of happiness and money. She didn't love me. If she had, she would have been my wife that day."

"Helmut..."

"I would have told you, but I hadn't had a reason to bring this up. Not until tonight."

You look at those big sad eyes of his.

"Do you still love her?"

He looks at you.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

He nods.

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm looking at you and I know for a fact I'm in love with you. So, unless you're going to run off with Stark and leave me here alone and heartbroken, I want to take my chances with you. My special and incredible darling."

You smile.

Helmut opens his arms as you fall into him, hugging him tightly. He holds you close to him, not wanting to let go. You're the best thing that had ever happened to him, and though he feels like he doesn't deserve you, he wouldn't change it for the world.

"I love you too," you whisper in his ear.

He kisses you. Oh God, does he kiss you.

You pull away and look at him.

"You do realise this gives us all the more reason to kick him off his pedestal, right?"

Helmut nods.

"Let's show Stark what happens when you mess with Helmut Zemo."

He grins.

"What would I do without you?"

"God only knows."

You kiss him again.

The bedroom door closes behind Zemo as you pull him inside. Neither one of you planning on getting much sleep tonight. You needed to make this man feel loved and treasured. Show him that you weren't her and that you weren't going to abandon him like she did.

In the morning you wake up alone. You reach out to his side of the bed, but it's empty. Waking up properly, you sit up and sigh. You had hoped to wake up beside the man you loved for the first time, after your first time~

You hear music playing from the kitchen and smile.

Oh, he's making breakfast!

You can forgive him for that. You let out a content sigh and grab the nearest item of clothing, which just happened to be Helmut's shirt from last night.

You narrow your gaze on it. His trousers were on the floor. He must have gone to his room for fresh clothes. You bottom the shirt up and grab some underwear, leaving the room just like that.

The sight before you was a welcome one.

You grin as you lean on the door frame.

Helmut Zemo had his back to you as he fried some eggs in a pan. He was completely naked, apart from the little apron around his waist.

"Hello handsome."

Helmut chuckles deeply, slowly turning his head to look over his shoulder at you. He smirks.

"Good morning, liebe."

"I would say so." You look him and down.

"How did you sleep?" He asks, not at all turning to face you.

"Really well, thanks to you."

"I do my best."

You make your way to the table and Helmut serves up the food. He puts a plate down in front of you and pours you some juice.

"I'll be right back."

He kisses you before leaving to put some clothes on. You begin to dig in, but there's a knock at the door.

You figure it's either Wanda, Natasha, or one of the boys. You hadn't checked your phone to see if anyone had messaged you after last night.

You get up and go to the door.

Opening it, you startled to see Stephen Strange there. You look him up and down, confused.

"Hello?"

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Can I come in?" He asks.

"No."

He sighs and holds out an envelope to you. You sigh and glare at him.

"No more invitations! We're not returning to that blasted restaurant."

"It's not an invite."

You snatch the envelope from him.

"What is it then?"

Stephen takes a peek around you, checking to see if anyone else is home. He clearly didn't want to run into Helmut.

"It's a warning."

"Warning?" You glare at him.

"Just read it when you're alone."

With that he turns away and disappears around the corner. You close the door and look at the envelope in your hand.

Helmut returns fully dressed and smelling wonderful again.

"Who was that?"

"Strange, he gave me this." You hold it up.

No way are you keeping secrets from Zemo, not after everything. Helmut walks over to you and takes it from your hand.

"What is it?"

"A warning, apparently."

He opens it and takes out the paper within. He reads it, burrowing his brow. He growls, crumples it into a ball, and then tosses it to the ground.

"What did it say?"

He looks at you.

"That bastard was going to try and lure you into his lies, just like he did back then."

You pick up the paper and open it.

Helmut Zemo is a fraud who can't offer you anything other than misery. Say the word and I'll have you on the next flight to the States. Don't waste your breath on him. He's only going to use you.

You are at the words.

"What the Hell?"

Helmut grabs his coat and turns to you.

"Meet me at the restaurant in an hour."

"Where are you going?" You ask.

"To kill Stark!"

The door slams shut behind him and you're left in a confused state. He wouldn't, would he?

You rush to get dressed.

@namethathasnotbeentaken @belle82devart @cathrin2405 @lieutenantn @wilder-fangirl @latenightartist-author @lucky-luck-lucky @hb8301 @charistory @thatoneartgalsstuff @thesuitkovian @malkaviangirl @zemosimp420 @realremyd @the-chaotic-cow @lostghostgirl94 @zafiro-draco @lazygurl05 @pinkcutiepiee @goddessofmischief03 @whovianayesha @myybebe @awesomesauce-abbie @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @swooning-for-mc-avoy @nonamec0s @apparrio @scuttle-buttle @alex-the-nb @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @greeneyedblondie44

#helmut zemo x reader #zemo x reader #helmut zemo #marvel #au #baron helmut zemo #zemo #tfatws #chef zemo au

[shelby-love]

STEFAN SALVATORE

Safely His

Requested: no

Prompts: none

Warnings: A bit harsh in the beginning (angsty)

Authors note: This is my first time writing a TVD oneshot. I'm sailing into the unknown and expanding my vocab yaay.

~

You walk out of the Grill on unsteady feet. The celebration round of alcohol you shared with Bonnie and Caroline made you tipsy but not tipsy enough for you not to be able to make your way back home.

You lean against the wall and fish out your phone. The light from your phone blinds you for a second before you turn it down and make out the numbers that indicate what time of the day it is. 11:23 P.M.

Not bad Y/N. Not bad at all.

Slowly but surely you're in front of your car with car keys still at the bottom of your purse.

"Maybe if you weren't such a lightweight drinker then you would be able to find your damn keys Y/N." You huff at yourself. When it comes to alcohol you should never ever be left unsupervised.

"Looking for something?" Someone asks from behind you. You freeze and stop rummaging through your purse. Instead, you grab the bottle spray with liquid vervain inside. It's kind of like your own pepper spray.

It works on both humans and the supernatural world you've come to learn about once the Salvatore brothers moved back to your hometown, Mystic Falls.

"Nope." You're quick to replay. Just as your brain commands your body to turn around the mistery person unleashes their inner beast onto you.

You're pinned against your own car with your mouth covered by the vampire's own hand. Your purse and the bottle of vervain dropped to the floor in the quick spur of motion.

"I'll have a great time with you." He whispers against your ear, his beard scraping the side of your face and sending chills of fear down your back. You've never felt this alone and cornered in your life. "I can smell your fear girl... But your blood is calling me more. It's such a shame you spiked it with alcohol. Now you'll have to pay for it in a different way."

The meaning of his words would've been confusing to you had you not learned about vampires from your own vampiric friends. You now knew exactly what he meant.

He was going to turn you.

Not because you deserved it or wanted it. But because of the fact that he was obsessed with this newfound power of his. This ability to take away someone's choice. To make them miserable for the rest of their lives.

He flushed you against his chest and sped over to the nearest lone spot he could find. A spot that would be private enough until he made you drink his blood and snapped your neck.

Fighting against him is impossible. Screaming is impossible because no one was around to save you.

Hoping that Caroline hears your whimpers of pain while she's surrounded by booze and music is already too much for you.

It's going to happen. And it's going to happen now.

You watch as he bites into his wrist and before you even get to let out a sound, his hand is replaced by his bloody wrist.

You refuse to let the blood travel past your tounge but he's twisting your throat in a way that makes you gag and swallow the blood immediately in order to release the pressure.

When he stops you close your eyes and wait for your neck to be snapped.

Instead, the man is no longer on you and instead he's on the ground. Bloody and neck snapped 90 degrees.

Your eyes search for your savior and you almost collapse in relief when Stefan appears in front of in a flash. Even in the night you can make out his features.

His hero-like hair, his dark eyes and beautiful facial features you learnt to adore from all the time you spent with him.

Your heart skips a beat and you allow him to cup your face into his hands. "I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner."

You shake your head and throw your arms around him. After nesting your hand into the safety of the crook of his neck you allow yourself to be carried away to safety whilst whispering soft words of gratitude to the vampire.

***

You wake up in a place that's not your room and the more you look around the more you realised that you were in this room before.

This is Stefan's room.

You never really slept in his bed. Although you wanted to. The crush you had on Stefan was developing more and more as your friendship grew.

The sound of footsteps nears the room and you feel butterflies rise in your belly.

But then your eyes land on Damon and all the buttetflies leave in an instant.

"What do you want Damon?"

He smirks before fully leaning against the doorframe, his magically blue eyes taking in the sight of you in his little brother's bed. "Well...I heard about your little misfortune that happened yesterday. Thankfully my heroic little bro saved you and brought you here... To his room... So sorry if I'm a little bit surprised."

"Damon please leave her alone." You hear Stefan's voice.

"Whaat?" He acts fake surprised before smirking once again and wiggling his eyebrows for effect. "And leave her here to your mercy? No can do bro."

"Damon..."

"Alright, alright!" He throws looks between you and Stefan, who's hidden behind him. "I'll let you two lovebirds be."

When blush appears on your cheeks at his words, Damon takes it as a win. He mouths, you're whipped, before leaving you alone.

"How are you feeling?" Stefan comes inside the room with a cup of water in his hand and a painkiller in his other. He takes a seat next to you on the bed and hands you the water and painkiller.

"Better. Stefan, thank you..." You try to find the right words because saying thank you without any other words feels not good enough. But there aren't any other words than those two simple ones.

After all of the more dangerous things you've been through with your friends, this is the first time you felt truly scared for your own life. There aren't no words with which you would express your gratitude to him.

"You don't have to thank me Y/N." He replies simply and sits closer to you on the bed. When he places a hand over your and you don't pull it away, something in him switches. But in a good way. A very good way. "I don't want you to go through that ever again. No one should have to go through that."

It pained him to see you like this. It pained him to see you anything other than happy. It took him a near death experience with you to finally come to the conclusion that his feelings need to be out in the open. He knew that he wouldn't really loose you if you were changed last night but it didn't matter. You were going to be something he never wanted you to be unless you wanted it. And he knew you didn't want it.

"How did you know where I was?" You ask, unsure of that piece of puzzle.

Stefan shakes his head laughing. That part had to come out sooner or later.

"Caroline was very open about being drunk with you. And I know that your alcohol tolerance is..." He catches himself when he sees the murderous look you sent him. Any word other than horrible was going to work. "better than bad... So I guess I just wanted to make sure you got home safely."

You melted right then and there. He cares about me.

"And then I found your stuff on the floor. Including the vervain pepper-spray," He chuckles. "the rest you know."

"You really are a hero." You tell him laughing.

A somewhat awkward silence consumes the air around you as the two of you stay silent after your little remark.

"Stefan." ; "Y/N." Both of you speak up at the same time. Wierdly enough it brings a smile to both of your faces.

"You go first. I want to know your thoughts." You admit shyly.

Your words only make him scoot over on the bed until he's that much closer to you. "You want to know my thoughts? I want to kiss you right now."

And he does so. He cups your face in for a kiss you imagined a thousand times. He waits for you to return it and show him it's okay for him to do this.

And so you do.

You return it with the same passion, lulling him into it until you're both completely lost in each other. It's passionate and real. It's easily fifty times better than what your realest dreams could ever give you. It's a promise of love and safety. From Stefan to you and right back from you to him.

You forget about the world around you. The room, the day, the time and the event of last night leaves your mind completely. You occupy your thoughts with Stefan Salvatore. The guy that became your friend before he became your lover.

He pulls away just enough to look at your eyes and whisper. "You are something entirely else."

"Is that a good thing?" You whisper back in the same daze as he did.

"The best." And with that the last of his control breaks and he freely kisses you again and again after that. Making you feel amazing all over.

The next time someone tries to touch you in any way other than to shake your hand, things might get a bit messier than before.

Because you're completely and utterly safe now.

MASTERLIST

#stefan salvatore #stefan salvatore imagine #stefan salvatore x reader #stefan salvatore fanfiction #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries fanfiction

[astroninaaa]

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

#c!techno critical #adding just in case #technoblade #c!technoblade critical #hot take ask!!! #i don't excuse his actions i just think things are not that easily said and done. #also didnt say it but i would NOT call him a mary sue. the only server mary sue is ranboo i am so sorry- LMAOOOO #that's not the concept of mary sue at all. it just- no it's just not i'm sorry #but i see where you're coming from anon and i respect your opinion!!! i just added my own since i said from the start #that i'd be saying what i thought of y'all's hot takes. if anyone just wants me to post your hot take and not say anything about it thats #fine! just lmk otherwise i Will comment on it i am a Law Major. i cannot Help Myself from Discussions #LMAOOOOOO

[lavendersage]

Your blog is a great source of comfort for me. While I know that the workings behind it is just a kindhearted person selecting tender content in their free time, there's something almost fae about the calm it gives me.

I hope it's not the wrong choice, but for a while I've wanted to try something. I come to this blog everyday for some peace -- sometimes I don't even check the rest of my feed, I just come straight here. This year has been dreadfully taxing on everyone, and I'm one of those everybodies.

I hope it's okay, but for a while I've had this idea of writing my heartbreak down and dropping it here, almost like letting it go on a scrap of paper in a stream. I havent been to the woods in a while; I'm a teen in a city that's been beyond ravaged by covid.

But still, I found time for a little #longing. Let's call her Jay. She's smarter than a whip. Math prodigy, piano prodigy, in line to be valedictorian. I, one might say, am nöne of those things. Someday she'll have a PHD, and all I'll have is my ADHD. I'm the class clown, a freelance dunce, but due to some stroke of luck, the same perfectionism that drives Jay's brilliance doesnt allow her to relax easily. I can make her laugh. She values that in me. I found a currency for which I could pay for her time.

I've loved her for years, Lav. And what hurts more is that I know she loves me too. The kisses I've stolen light a fire in my stomach at the thought of them. The memory of closing the distance between us in the big guest room bed when I used to go to her house to sleep over is what's keeping me from going mad during this third round of total lockdown. When we are alone, she is mine, and I am whole. But like I said, if Jay is anything, she's a perfectionist. We were once scolded for being too "flirtatious" at a dance -- the only instance of discipline she's recieved all high school (meanwhile, I have a desk in the detention hall that literally has my name on it). She's desperately closeted, and terrified of losing her image. That's the thing about people who study until they sweat blood so that they never fail: the only thing they never learn is that failure isnt the end of the world the way us flunkies do.

I keep asking her to be mine, publically. Or, perhaps not fully publically, but at least socially. Our peers have more than caught on to what's going on between us and are overwhelmingly positive. And while we'd still have to hide from the adults, that would be accomplished whether we did it totally and miserably, or with room for partial sunshine. My heart and my honor cannot stand the sneaking, the slinking. I am not a secret to be kept. But Jay isnt ready, so I suppose I can learn to behave as if ashamed of my love for her sake.

I fold this message up, and drop it in your stream, Goddess of The Pure Calm. Grant me peace.

first, i just want to say that i can neither confirm nor deny that i am fae 🧚‍♀️ i am so glad that you visit my blog so often and that it grants you peace throughout the day. it always boggles my mind to hear things like that from you guys 🤧

and please, as always, take my words with a grain of salt--i’m not an advice blog (i’m not even sure if advice is what you’re looking for), but i will do the best i can 💚

my heart breaks for you, friend. my teenage years may be behind me but i still remember how hard it was to exist in that stage of life. it’s hard in a way that adulthood isn’t.

i was a lot like you. i was always “the funny one” and never really stuck out academically. i was friends with a lot of people whose intellect and ambition intimidated me to no end. to be in love with someone like that must feel like something else entirely.

that being said, i can feel how much you care for jay just in the way you talk about her. “i can make her laugh. she values that in me. i found a currency for which i could pay for her time.” this made me tear up a little, i won’t lie. and darling, i’m sure she values you for far more than your ability to make her laugh. but i get it--people like us use humor for a lot of things, maybe to make up for something we think we lack, or as a way to get other people to see us as worth keeping around. i assure you, love, you’re worth keeping around if you’re the funniest person alive and you’re worth keeping around if you never utter another joke again. your presence in your friends’ lives is valuable. your presence to miss jay is valuable. your presence on earth is valuable.

it must be incredibly hard to be in love with someone who reciprocates your feelings, but be unable to move forward with your relationship. you don’t want to be a secret, you don’t want to sneak around. of course you don’t, love. i’m so sorry that you have to wrestle with those feelings.

however...i’ve also been in jay’s place. back then, i wasn’t necessarily concerned about my image, or my reputation, but before i was out, i was terrified of what my family and friends would think of me if they knew the truth about who i was. i lost my chance to be with someone i really cared about because i was too afraid to go public, and they weren’t willing to wait. i simply wasn’t ready.

i of course don’t know her personally, but it sounds to me like jay isn’t ready, either. it’s great that your peers are positive about your potential relationship, but there are probably some of outside factors that are scaring her out of wanting to go public. it doesn’t mean she’s ashamed of her feelings. it doesn’t mean she’s ashamed of you. she simply isn’t ready. and for plenty of folks, it takes time to reach that point.

i can only speak from my own experience and what i’ve witness in my friends’ lives, but darling, once you’re out of high school and move into adulthood, so much changes. you get the freedom to more deeply explore who you are. i cannot even begin to stress how much change you will go through in your late teens and twenties. i don’t even recognize the person i was back then, and chances are both you and jay will have plenty of time to grow into the people you’re meant to be.

i don’t want to turn this into an “oh, it gets better when you’re older” type of response, because that’s redundant and it isn’t even always true, but there is a lot of value in the freedom that comes with leaving high school and getting out into the world. you will experience it. so will she. give it some time.

jay may decide that her feelings are more powerful than her fears, and she may need more time to reach a point where she’s comfortable sharing that part of herself with the world. i truly hope that she comes to that decision in her own time, at her own pace.

i also wish you well, friend. i will keep you in my thoughts as you wrestle with these feelings of longing and frustration, and i will keep jay in my thoughts as well. if your situation changes, feel free to let me know. my inbox is always open.

lots of love to you both, and stay safe 💚💚💚

#asks #long post #if any followers have kind things to say feel free to comment!

[waokevale]

Slight panic attack,

Porcelain Face - Chapter 5

WARNING: Lilo&Stitch 2 spoilers (If you haven't watched it before)

-"So how about we go inside? Have you ever been to a porcelain store before, paper-boy?"

The guy in grey apron asked as the three of them walked into the warehouse of the shop.

-"Nope, and if you want to talk to me with a nickname it's actually cardboard boy." Virgil replied.

-"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, what's your name by the way?" The guy asked, a little nervously from the awkwardness of this conversation so far.

-"Its Virgil" The cardboard boy replied.

-"That's a lovely name you got there kiddo! I'm Patton! I'm the son of the owner of this store, cool right?" The guy so-called Patton said in a cheerful tone.

-"Yeah, yeah. Skip it, that's amazing that you guys finally know each other now but haven't we brought Vee here for a reason???" Ethan rolled his eyes.

-"Ooooh! Yeah! Explanations!" Patton finally replied.

-"Not ALL of the explanations, Pat." - the porcelain boy raised his voice a little with stress and worry.

The older one nodded quickly.

-"Soo.....Do you want to know about your mask?"

Virgil and Ethan both looked questionably at him.

Virgil's expression on his cardboard face obviously said that he indeed wanted to know more about it and the other boy was just waiting for the bomb to explode.

-"Well...I know it's magic but I don't know exactly where it came from, hehe...." Patton laughed nervously, scratching his cheek.

Ethan facepalmed his head then, Virgil though looked pretty confused and disappointed.

-"Guess we're staying here for the rest of the school time...right?" Virgil said, wanting to change the subject, what's the point of asking questions anyway if they won't tell you the answers.

-"Oh no no no! You're not staying in THIS place.

It's only for fixing Dee over here." he said pointing at the porcelain boy

"How about going to the cafe?" Patton suggested getting a glare from the porcelain boy for the nickname that was used in front of Virgil again.

-"You change your mind pretty quickly."the cardboard boy said.

-"Not wanting to be rude of course."

-"Nah, you're not.

He's just like this confused mom friend even if he declares himself a dad" Ethan simply said making the usually bubbly person huff in annoyance before smiling again and saying:

-"Welp, I may act like that sometimes but I do not have a feminine face like you, dear cousin." The older boy smirked as the younger one with heterochromia gasped offended.

-"That's not my fault! Let's just go to the cafe!"

Virgil giggled at their funny relationship, they got along pretty well. 

It was a shame for him to be honest to not have any cousins or siblings....It felt so...lonely.

After they appeared at their destination Patton asked the boys what they wanted to get, since he was the one to buy the stuff.

Virgil wanted to deny but he looked at Ethan instead remembering he didn't eat.

Apparently Ethan forgot for a second as well before getting "angry" again.

-"I can't- You bastard! How dare you Patton?! Right in my face?" The porcelain boy exclaimed as both of them knew what he was talking about, they both laughed. 

-"Your loss. Virgil will get your food then!" Patton simply said as Ethan crossed his arms, pretty pissed off at his miserable non-human being.

-"No, no I don't-"

Virgil tried explaining as Patton gasped before heading closer to the boy and whispering:

-"Please don't tell me you don't eat too."

-"No, it's just I don't want to inpose, please-" Virgil tried saying but Patton kept nagging him until he finally sighed in defeat and agreed.

As Patton went to buy the food and drinks there for a moment was  silence between the two of the other boys until Ethan finally spoke up.

-"Sooo...You're really not ashamed of me being...you know?" He asked as the other boy shook his head pretty fast it could even fall of his neck.

-"No! Of course not! You're wonderful!" He tried defending the other who smiled softly at him.

-"Are you busy tonight?" The porcelain boy asked.

-"N-no? Why do you ask?" Virgil said.

-"Then I'm inviting you over! You can finally meet my queer-platonic mums!" He said exitedly before flushing in embarrassment for saying it out loud."

-"R-Really? They won't mind?" Virgil asked again, a little more shy this time but still with hope in his voice.

-"No, but there is another problem with them that you need to just ignore..."

-"What???" Virgil became a ball of confusion at this moment.

-"They ugh....Think we are a couple? How do you say it....They...ship us?"

-"What???? And why would I be a bout-" Virgil asked with an inside joke.

-"Well, it's not exactly a bout...."

-"I know what it means, dummy. I'm just playing with you to make it sound less awkward."

-"Well, that didn't help-" As Ethan was in his mid sentence he got cut off by Patton who just came back with the food."

-"DA FOOD IS HERE!" Patton happily exclaimed.

With that sentence The boy in vitligo did some hand gestures to Patton, probably the sign language as the boy in glasses glared at him and used the sign gestures back.

Ethan: "F-U-C-K O-F-F P-A-T" 

Patton:"L-A-N-G-U-A-G-E" 

-"What were you saying????" Virgil asked but instead of answering Ethan took the muffin from Patton's plate who clearly yelled at him as he  shoved it in Virgil's face.

Unfortunately it didn't go through his mask as it was intended to.

Instead it made Virgil very uncomfortable.

-"Guess it broke, huh?" Ethan said.

-"I'll eat it later you idiot! Don't shove it in my mouth here if I can't eat it!" Now Virgil was really pissed at the other boy who now tried to apologize to him the best he could.

And it finally worked.

-"How about we go to Dee's house?" Patton suggested.

-"I already asked him that before, he agreed."

-"Yey!" Patton replied still as happy as ever.

-"But I need to get my things first-" Virgil said worriedly.

-"Oh right!" The both of them said in unison.

As Patton drove him off to his house to get his things.

His parents weren't home as usual....

After 10 bare minutes of packing he came back and popped in the car next to apparently Dee.

-"Why aren't you sitting next to Patton in the front sit?" Virgil asked curiously for why the other boy was sitting here when there was an empty sit in the front.

-"He knows why." Patton exclaimed rolling his eyes as Ethan stuck his tongue out at him.

-"Okay then..." The cardboard boy awkwardly replied.

After 10 minutes of driving or so, because Patton couldn't drive faster that 50mph.

[Ethan always woke up pretty early and run 5 km like it was nothing]

When they finally arrived Ethan went to knock on the door as he said:

"Mom C! Mamma D! I'm brought Pat and Virgil home!"

-"Pfff..Mom C, Mamma D?" Virgil said

-"Shut up" Ethan replied as two woman in the age of 30 or close came to the door.

One had light curly hair dyed the color red and as the author would describe African eyes as they were green with a big patch of hazel in the middle.

She also appeared to have a lot of freckles on her face.

She as well as Patton wore an apron but not for painting though as for cooking.

The other one looked more tomboy like, one could say.

She had pretty short but not too short dirty blonde hair, torquise eyes and a literal face of a duck.

She wore a black hoodie and stripped shirt under it, also having trainers and ripped jeans.

-"How's our not-born-from-either-of-us gay son doing?" They both said in unison as he sighed, Patton though giggled and Virgil just rolled his cardboard eyes playfully.

-"Ooooh! Is this your boyfriend you've been talking about?" Mamma D (Dominique) said.

-WHA-NO! HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND MOM!"

Ethan yelled, his face being the color of a tomato at least.

-"Not yet" Mom C (Caroline) said looking at a wall and winking to it. 

[She breaks da fourth wall]

-"God..." Dee whined tiredly.

-"Auntie Caroline and Dominique are funny aren't they?" Patton exclaimed.

-"Um....." Virgil was almost silent, as he as well as Dee blushed madly.

-"Anyways, we are going to my room, what's for dinner?" Dee asked, not caring that he himself didn't eat, since the other two on the other hand did.

-"Mac n Cheese!" Dominique yelled.

-"Mmmm, my favorite!" Patton happily cheered.

-"God, I wish I could eat....It always looks so good..." The porcelain boy mumbled not expecting the comforting pat on the back from his hooded friend in the mask.

-"It's fine, though. I'm used to this torture." The boy exclaimed this time louder.

There was a moment of silence before Ethan asked both of them:

-"Hey guys, what do you want to play?" He said pointing at a giant stock of board and video games.

-"Jenga!" Patton exclaimed

-"Monopoly..?" Virgil said unsurely.

-"Virgie NOOOO I don't want to lose you!" Ethan whined holding the paperboy's hands with the pleading yet fake sadness on his face pretending to be dramatic again making the smaller one giggle.

-"Aww you guys are cute." Patton said, adoring the other two who flushed and moved away a few inches.

After some time of playing board games like dungeons and dragons, Jenga, Uno and Hot Patt-tato they were loosing up for a movie.

-"Oh, oh! Let's watch Bolt!" Patton yelled exitedly.

-"I'd rather watch Jungle Book, It's more classic." Dee criticized

-"What about...Lilo & Stitch?" Virgil suggested, still pretty shy though.

-"which part? I have all four, plus the series." Dee exclaimed.

-"Um....Maybe the second one?" Virgil said.

-"Okay then..."

When the dinner was finally ready they all stopped the movie to eat, except Ethan who didn't want to wait for them here and later getting teased on by Dominique and Caroline, Dee left, offended and flustered, then Virgil and finally Patton.

They got to the part in which Stitch couldn't control himself anymore and screwed stuff up, him and Lilo had a fight and later on Lilo went to play a role without him as he was even more broken.

This scene made them all sob, but not as much as when Stitch was put into the fixing machine as everyone thought it was too late for him.

Now they all fully cried. What was the most surprising was that it wasn't Patton who cried the most at the scene but Virgil. 

Both Ethan and Patton tried to comfort him after watching the part.

Though there was happy ending so nothing really bad then..

-"Virgie, why did you pick a movie which would make you cry so much?" Ethan asked worriedly.

-"I just...wanted to see this part again...For some reason.."

-"Okay then..." The boy in vitligo signed.

-"Oh! Son, it was very nice to meet you and I'd be glad to adopt you as my own." Patton said with a loving stare at the masked boy.

-"Ummm....What?" Virgil asked, pretty confused now.

-"Shh..You're my baby now."

-"...Eth?" Virgil tried asking for help but none came since Ethan just gave the "shrug it off" motion.

After some time of eating snacks and talking, the porcelain boy checked the hour.

-"Oh shit we should probably go to sleep, guys."

-"Language, Dee." Patton rolled his eyes tiredly.

-"But it's only 2 AM in the morning?" Virgil asked as the other two gave him an unbelieving stare which made him regret saying this out loud.

-"Bed. Now" both of them said at the same time.

-"Nooooo" Virgil whined as he was being pulled by them to bed.

-"But my Tumblr-" he tried defending himself but for no use.

-"It won't fly away. Now sleep!" Ethan said in a worrying yet stern voice.

-"Um...I sort of have problems with that."

-"Shouldn't you put your mask away first? It's probably hurting your face no-" Patton asked yet being cut off by the younger boy in the cardboard mask.

-"NO!" Virgil yelled but put his hands to his mouth and gasped at his sudden outburst.

-"I'm so sorry, I- I didn't mean to-" he cried as Ethan came closer to him.

-"It's not your fault, it happens sometimes to every one of us. 

Now do you want me to sing you a song? Maybe it will help you sleep, I don't know...."

The smaller boy nodded without any hesitation even to his own surprise making Ethan chuckle a little as he began to sing Welcome to Wonderland by Anson Seabra.

Which actually worked as his wonderful siren like voice lulled the cardboard boy to sleep.

They both then fell asleep on the porcelain boy's bed as Patton just signed, peacefully this time and went to the living room.

.

.

.

.

.

-"VIRGIL WAKE UP, WE OVERSLEPT!" The voice broke the amazing silence as the boy in the bed hissed lazily not caring.

-"Virgil please, we need to go! Or I'm taking your mask off." Ethan fake-threatend.

Virgil then suddenly flicked from the bed "energized as ever"

Or rather anxious as ever.

As they both sat in the car and run as fast as they could to the classroom...

And there was a new student.

#ts patton #ts virgil #ts deceit #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides au #patton sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #sympathetic virgil

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Kevin//you know i'll never be lonely, you're my only one

Request: Hi can I request a platonic Kevin/Jones!reader where Jug'a sister is best friends with Kevin and is with the core 4 when they find him alone at the Farm and she brings him home with her and there's hugging and hot chocolate and cuddling? Please? My boy needs love!

hey! i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again...kevin keller deserves the world! anyway, i hope you enjoy! also, the title is from a queen song (you’re my best friend) if you’re wondering! i absolutely love this song, and i recommend you listen to it if you’re sad (which i hope you’re not). also, to the anon (and anyone else who needs it) who was sad last night, i don’t know if this is something you’re going to read, but if you do, i hope it cheers you up!  

When the sun rose over Riverdale, bringing with it a new day as well as a second chance, you thought it was the end of your troubles. 

A night of being hunted down with your friends and brother through the dark woods had eventually ended. And as you hugged the people you thought you’d die with, you knew you don’t think you’d ever be as happy to see Cheryl Blossom ever again.

However, just as day was bringing a new dawn, effectively solving all your problems, across town they were just starting for your best friend. 

You just didn’t know yet. 

Its only when Betty pulls away from your group hug, frantically asking about her mom do you realize that maybe not everything is okay. Because despite the fact that the five of you are safe, it doesn’t mean everybody else is. 

And at the top of that very long list is Kevin Keller. 

Betty is first through the chapel door, but you’re not far behind her and as soon as you run in, you come to an abrupt halt. If it weren’t so depressing, the scene in front of you would have been breathtaking. The candles flickering, the clothes neatly folded and the general atmosphere reminds you of something from an old film. 

But as soon as you see Kevin sat on the floor, legs pulled up to his chest and a completely broken look on his face, the allusions shatters...along with your heart.

“Kevin?” Betty asks and his head lifts slightly. 

“They left me.” Your expression softens at the tone in his voice and you swear you can actually feel your heart cracking. 

Kevin has been your best friend for years, he’s stuck with you despite the obvious divide between the two of you. Him being from the Northside with a sheriff dad, and you being from the southside with a gang member dad, its far to say there were a few people who disapproved of your friendship. Not that either of you cared, you were best friends...platonic soulmates...who cares what anybody else thinks. And even though the two of you had grown apart over the past few months (specifically when the farm came to town), you always managed to find your way back to each other. 

So seeing him like this physically hurts you. He’s already been through so much and right now you want to scream and shout at the universe for treating the kindest and by far the best human like utter crap. 

“I wanted to go, but they said that someone had to stay behind to explain what happened.” He sobs and the seven of you exchange looks. 

“What did happen?” Archie asks. 

“The worthy ascended, of course.” He scoffs. 

“Who did? Where’s my mom? And Polly?” Betty asks and you roll your eyes at her. 

Despite her being sweet and kind the majority of the time, she did sometimes get a little wrapped up in herself and her issues, and right now, that annoys you. Because here Kevin is, abandoned by this group that brainwashed and alienated him, only for Betty to care more about two grown adults who can usually make their own decisions. 

“Gone.” He states, anger in his voice as he stares vacantly in front of him. “Everyone is. And we’ll never see them again.” The room suddenly feels colder all of sudden, Betty lets out a small cry as she practically falls into Jughead’s arms, while the rest of you stand around, none of you wanting to move...just in case. 

You’re the first one to do anything. You make your way towards Kevin and cautiously sit beside him. 

“Are you okay?” You ask. You’ve asked him that countless of times, but this is the first time its ever felt like you’re asking a stranger. You may be sat beside him but you feel a thousand miles apart. Usually you’re attached at the hip, but there’s a rather large space between you, physically as well as metaphorically and it just feels wrong. 

“I-” He cuts himself off before he can say anything further. Instead he just cries, his head drops to his hands and you’ve never seen somebody look so lonely, despite being surrounded by people. 

You don’t say anything in return, you just wrap your arms around him and pull him into a tight hug. 

The two of you stay like that for at least half an hour. Eventually everybody else goes, Jughead being the last one to leave, sending you a small smile before closing the door behind him, until its just the two of you again. 

It takes some persuading, but eventually you get Kevin back to your house. Thankfully your dad has already left for work so there’s no awkward questions about why you’re covered in mud and why Kevin is crying. 

“Here.” You hand him a mug. Its his favourite one. Something you got him to keep at your house. A small smile twitches at the corner of his lips as he takes it, but it disappears as quickly as it came, instead leaving behind a miserable expression. 

You remember the last time you gave him hot chocolate in that mug, but the memory does nothing to make you feel better. If anything it just makes your heart ache more. 

“You always make the best hot chocolate.” He’d said, an eager smile on his lips as he watched you slowly bring it to him. 

“I always put double the recommended powder in.” 

“Ahhh, so now I know you secret recipe.” 

“Plus, the cream and sprinkles help a lot too.” 

“Yeah.” He agreed. “Very true. But we can just pretend its all you.” 

“Aww, thanks.” 

“Hey. If there’s ever a day that your hot chocolate doesn’t make me smile, just assume that I’m dead inside.” 

“You’re so dramatic.” You’d rolled your eyes at him, and he’d gasped loudly, feigning offence.

“I know. But its part of my charm.” 

“Keep telling yourself that.” 

“It is.” 

“Has that ever actually worked on anybody.” 

“Not yet...but it will.” 

His eyes had been so full of hope, now they were just dark. Like all the light had been sucked out of them. 

The house is quiet, but its nice. Compared to the eery quiet of the woods and the farm, its quite comforting and you’re very glad to be back home, especially after thinking you wouldn’t be so lucky. 

“Thanks.” He replies, taking a sip before placing it on the coffee table. If you’re being honest, its nice having Kevin here. Its something else to focus on instead of being stuck in a continuous loop of your memories of the previous nights. Although you’d much rather prefer he was upset over some boy thats broken his heart. 

“Do you want another blanket?” You offer, rearranging the one you’ve already draped across his shoulders. “Or the TV? I can put a film or something on? Or we can just see what’s on? Or music? Do you want anything to eat?” You know you’re fussing over him, and you know he’s going to hate it. But there’s nothing else you can do. You can’t go back and change everything, no matter how hard you try. 

A part of you feels like its your fault. Kevin is supposed to be you’re best friends, but you still let him get caught up in all of this. You let the farm take him, you made him feel alone. You made him feel the need to find friendship and family somewhere else, somewhere dangerous. 

And by the time you realized what was happening, it was too late. Despite the numerous attempts. It was too late to help him.

Now he’s sat on your couch, clutching an old blanket around him like his life depends on it, and you really don’t know if he’s ever going to fully recover from this. 

“Why do things like this keep happening to me? Am I cursed? Do you think I’m cursed?” He breaks the silence. Maybe he know’s exactly what you were just thinking. Or maybe he’s just thinking out loud, but either way it makes you frown and quickly face him. 

“Kevin. You’re not cursed.” You grab his hand and he forces himself to look at you. 

“It sure feels like I am.” 

“The only thing that is cursed, is Riverdale. But we’re not going to be here forever. We’ve got one year left at school, and then we’re out of here. We’re going to do all of the things we’ve had planned since we were little. Our road trips across the country. Our apartment together thats filled with trinkets and utter junk that we’ve picked up over the years. We’re going to meet so many new, normal people and we’re going to shock them with our shared trauma. You’re going to meet a nice boy who treats you like you created the universe. You’re going to be so happy, I just know it. And one day this is all going to feel like a far away nightmare. Riverdale and all of its horrors will just be distant memory, something you laugh about from time to time. Okay?” You hold your pinkie out towards him and he sends you a look. “I promise. And I never break a promise.” 

“That is very true.” He nods, wrapping his finger around yours. “Y/n?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’ve been so alone the past few months.” 

“I know.” You smile sadly at him, wiping a few tears from your cheeks. “But I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what happens. You’re my best friend and I love you so much. You brighten my day just by walking through a door, and no matter how much I dread doing something, you make it 1000 times more bearable.”

“Y/n.” His expression mirrors yours. Sadness mixed with hope, and more than a few tears, but you know what he’s trying to say. 

“No matter how alone you feel, you’re not, okay? You are never ever alone. No matter what day of the week, or what time, or even how far apart we are. I’m always going to be here.”

“I love you.” 

“I know you do.” You nudge him softly. A slight smile appears on his lips, and even though its not the same as his usual, its better than nothing, and so you take that as a win. Your head falls to his shoulder and he rests his on top of yours, both of you finally feeling somewhat at peace after months of hell. 

“What the hell happened to you?” He asks suddenly and you pull away from him. He’s looking you up and down, a concerned expression on his face while he waits for your answer. “Why do you look like...that?” 

“I was hunted through the woods by Penelope Blossom and a bunch of other psychos.” You shrug and his eyes widen. 

“Wha-” 

“But thats not important right now.” You shake your head. “What’s important, is that you’re safe. And we’re going to need re-fills soon.” You look towards the mugs on the table. Neither of them are anywhere close to being empty, but you just want to change the subject and thankfully Kevin gets it. “I think we both deserve extra sprinkles this time.” 

#kevin keller #riverdale #riverdale imagine #platonic imagine #kevin keller x reader #jones!y/n #jones!reader #kevin keller imagine

[wickedbarnes]

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not | John Wick x Reader

PROMPT: Hanahaki Disease AU! Reader realizes she's in love with John but John, on the other hand, can't reciprocate the feelings because he's still in love with Helen. And so, reader begins to cough blood red rose petals...

WARNING: Major angst. Blood. Get your tissues ready.

NOTE: This is my take on the fictional disease so please don't attack me if some of the concepts of it is wrong. I just did it so there would be more impact to the story. An explanation for my take on the Hanahaki will be provided down below at the end of the oneshot to avoid any confusions. Other than that, please enjoy!

--

If there was one thing you hated doing, it was breaking promises. And you rarely did it unless it was really necessary. But you hated it when you did. And this... this was a promise you swore you would never break. But here you were, staring down at your bloody palm, examining the rose petals that stuck to your skin.

A lone tear cascaded down your cheek as you wiped the blood from your lips.

It finally got to you. The disease. The same disease that had killed your beloved Mother. And you were sure it was the same one that was going to kill you.

You vividly remembered how your Mother would gush about how beautiful love was. How magical it is and how you'd feel as if you were floating when you experienced it. And in a way, she has a point. But not everything was easy.

Because along with love comes pain. The pain of a broken heart. And as you grew up you realized that love was only beautiful when it was reciprocated. When the person you love is in love with you as well. But like your mom, you weren't so lucky.

You had no one but John now. When your Mother died of the Hanahaki Disease, you swore- vowed, rather, that you would never fall in love. But that was, until John.

The moment you saw the man, you could tell just how miserable he seemed but there was something about him that just drew you in. He charmed women without even noticing it. And so you did the unthinkable and was bold enough to go ask him what drink he wanted and that it was on you.

You worked as a bartender in the Red Circle. And when you spotted John you had no idea what type of man he was and what type of world he lives in. But even after that, you didn't care. You still stuck with him.

And you didn't even plan on doing so. You just wanted to give the man something to look forward to. Something to give him a little boost. But when chaos broke and you were almost shot by Viggo's men, John was brave enough to catch the bullet himself before the rest of them ran out thinking they had finally killed the Baba Yaga.

That night, you couldn't just leave him there dying. You had insisted he goes to the hospital but he told you not to and instructed you to take him to the Continental. The hotel where you didn't even know housed assassins like him. You didn't know why but you had stayed with him the whole while he was being patched up despite the fact he kept telling you to leave because it would be dangerous.

But the stubborn person you are, you decided to stay. And the rest was history from there.

You felt it creep up on you. You could tell because you felt the same itch in your throat that didn't seem to go away ever since your feelings for John got stronger. But the moment you realized you were in love with him, fate had finally decided to give you a sign that the feelings you have for the man just wasn't mutual.

And in a way, you kind of understood why. The wedding band on John's finger was proof of that. It was the proof of his undying love for his late wife, Helen. Who were you to compete with that?

The whole situation caused you to let a laugh under your breath. How ironic. John Wick never intends on hurting you. And yet here he was, being the reason why you're ill today.

---

"Y/N, you need to rest, you've been coughing all day and you don't look too good. I can handle it from here." John tried to approach you but you instinctively moved away from him and sat down on the couch yourself. Your reaction took him aback but he quickly regained his composure and sat down next to you but made sure to give you some distance.

You were pretty sure the handkerchief you were coughing into was full of blood by now and you prayed no petal would fall off or it would only worry John even more. You suspected he knows about the disease as well.

Day by day, it was getting hard for you to breathe. You knew the plant inside your lungs was growing and every night you had battled and hoped it wouldn't be your last night. Even sleeping had come to terrify you. You were afraid you wouldn't wake up anymore.

"Y/N, are you alright? You're not telling me what's going on, I have to know so I can take care of you." John would say, concern written all over his face and your heart ached at the sight because you knew he only meant that as a friend.

"I'm fine, John, I'll be okay I told you it's just allergies." You sighed and stood up to get a glass of water when you felt the familiar itch on your throat creeping up again. But the moment you took a step forward, you leaned forward and began to heave as you wretched out blood along with rose petals on John's floor.

You somehow felt embarrassed but your body fell on the floor as you kept throwing up blood. John was almost sure he would've had a heart attack with what he saw. He immediately went over to you and rubbed your back, panic beginning to creep up in his body.

This was like when Helen was ill.

When you were finished throwing up, you opened your mouth to apologize but you found yourself going limp and passing out in John's arms.

John looked at the blood and rose petals that were smeared all over his floor. The realization hit him like a truck as his face began to go pale. He looked down at your unconscious body in horror.

"Y/N, what the hell..."

---

John couldn't even fathom looking at you like this. Pale and sickly looking. He hadn't noticed just how much you had lost weight and how horrible the bags under your eyes looked. You were always with him but he was too caught up in work that he barely had time to see how his friend was doing.

He knew about the Hanahaki disease. John remembered how someone in Ruska Roma died because of it. But he never expected you to get it.

The assassin pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back against the uncomfortable plastic chair. Who the hell were you in love with? You had never mentioned anyone from work that caught your eye. Nor did you introduce anyone to John. The idea of someone being the root of all this caused him to clench his fists until his knuckles turned white.

Whoever it was that didn't love you back, John was sure he was going to get a piece of his damn mind.

John's thoughts were cut off when the doctor came in and greeted him with a polite smile. When he looked at Y/N's records, the doctor let out a sigh and John knew this wasn't a good sign.

"Does she have family?" The doctor, Dr. Mercer had asked to which John responded by shaking his head no.

"I'm the only one she has now." Dr. Mercer nodded.

"Mr. Wick, I'm gonna be honest. Miss Y/L/N is in critical condition. The amount of blood that she threw up was very alarming. I'm sure you're aware of the Hanahaki Disease?" John nodded solemnly at the question and never took his eyes off you.

"Well, the plant inside her lungs is growing more and more. And it won't be long until it fully suffocates her. Looking at her x-rays right here, you can see that the plant is almost corrupting her lungs fully." Dr. Mercer showed your x-ray scan to John to which he took carefully and it only made the situation even real.

Was he going to lose another important person in his life? He already lost Helen and Daisy. He only has Dog now. Could he really lose you, too?

"Is there a cure to this?"

"There is. But... both of them aren't as easy as they sound." John looked up at the doctor with a confused look causing Dr. Mercer to sigh.

"In order to cure the patient, the person she's in love with has to love her back. And I don't mean platonic love. I mean, real genuine love. If that doesn't work, then we can surgically remove the root of the plant from her lungs."

John perked up at the mention of surgical removal of the plant. Obviously, whoever this person is didn't love you enough to even cure you. John felt that option two was the only logical option left. Or else, you'd die.

"I think I'd like the plant to be surgically removed from her."

"Mr. Wick, I think the patient has to decide for that. Because even though it could cure her, it would erase everything she felt and remembered about the person. Once the operation is done and successful, that person never existed for her. And unfortunately, Y/N here would be stripped away of the ability to experience romantic love. The removal of the root will cause that as well."

John couldn't believe what he was hearing. Y/N won't experience romantic love anymore? He looked at your frail body and put a hand over his face. He'd heard Dr. Mercer excuse himself but all John could think of was how he was going to save you.

He doesn't want you to live up your life not knowing how it feels to be in love and be loved by the person you're in love with. But if you don't do anything about this, you'd be six feet underground and time was slowly running out.

John's thoughts abruptly stopped when he noticed you waking up from a deep sleep. You had been out of it for about fourteen hours.

You fluttered your eyes open and took in your surroundings. Your throat felt really dry and you could use a tall drink of water. Looking around, your eyes soon fell on John who stood up from his chair and smiled softly down at you.

Your heart fluttered at how beautiful he is. You almost mistook him for an angel.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked softly and brushed away some of your hair away from your face. His touch sent shivers down your spine and in a way, it hurt for him to be here. He was so gentle and patient. Was he like that with Helen? Or was he even more loving when it came to her?

"Like death." You laughed softly as you averted your eyes to the glass of water that was sitting on the table beside your bed, "Can I get a drink, please?"

John immediately took the glass of water and helped you sit up from your bed so you could drink. You were dehydrated from the amount of blood you just threw up hours ago. John gently patted your head when he saw that you drank all of the water from the glass.

"Good girl." He'd praise you and your heart swelled at it but it made you cough a bit.

John sat back down on the plastic chair but brought it closer by your bed as he looked at you in the eye.

"Y/N, who did this to you?" He asked. It took you about a minute to figure out what he was on about. And then you remembered the disease. Your situation probably took a turn for the worse and you assumed what had happened earlier almost scared John to death.

"Y/N." John sighed. "You're one of my most trusted friend. The only friend I probably trust with my whole life, really. But you need to tell me what the fuck is going on. You're dying, honey, and someone is the cause of all this and it's frustrating that I don't know who it is."

It's you, you wanted to say but the words didn't come out the way you wanted them to. You didn't want to see the look on John's face when you laid out the truth. Even now, on the verge of death, you were afraid of what he'd think. You knew he has a lot on his plate and he's just getting the chance to finally grieve for Helen. You didn't want nor had the heart to tell him that he's the reason why you're dying.

"It's no one, John, he-" You pursed your lips and let out a breath as you looked down at your hands that were slightly stained with your own blood, "He went away he- he loves someone else and that's all you need to know."

John nodded and although he was frustrated you didn't tell him everything, you knew it was just because you didn't wanna dive back into the fact that this person didn't reciprocate the feelings you felt. So he understood.

"Y/N, Dr. Mercer gave me two options so you could be cured and he-"

"John, I can't be cured, he doesn't love me." You said firmly and it felt so different saying it in front of him like this when he has no idea it was him all along that you were in love with.

"I know, darling, I know." He grabbed your hand comfortingly and you almost hated him for acting like this when all along you knew it was just platonic. You were just a friend to him. Nothing more and nothing less.

"But then he told me about option two. Option two is that you can get the plant surgically removed from your lungs." You perked up at hearing this.

You never knew it could get surgically removed. Your mother never told you. So why didn't she do it?

"W-What? What do you mean I can get it surgically removed?" You asked as tears began to fill your eyes but John was patient enough to talk you through it.

"You can, it's possible. But it's not that easy, Y/N." He let out another sigh before looking up at your tear filled eyes, "When the operation is successful, all the memories you have of that person will be gone. Including your feelings for him. It was like he never existed. Apart from that, once the plant is removed from your body, you ability to experience romantic love wouldn't be there anymore."

Tears cascaded down your cheeks. Not because you wouldn't be able to fall in love again. But because the thought of forgetting John scared you so much. Were you going to remember him again? Can he reintroduce himself again to you? Or should you not go through with option two?

At that moment, you finally realized why your mother never had the plant inside her get removed. It was far more painful than anything else.

---

"I'm sorry for your loss, Jonathan." Winston would say as he poured a drink for the assassin and John just nodded at him in thanks.

"Some things are beyond our control." John replied as he took a big gulp of his drink. He needed it right now after all.

He just came back from the hospital and that was the first time in a while John had felt so overwhelmed. The hatred he had for himself just increased a ton.

You decided to go through with the operation after giving it a deep thought for a the whole day. John was happy. Although you weren't able to experience romantic love anymore, he assured you he'd be by your side every step of the way. Just like you had been for him.

But what came next almost made him collapse down to his knees.

Aurelio decided to pay you a little visit when your operation was done. He had found out about what had happened from John and you knew the man well enough that he could give you discounts whenever your car had problems.

When it was time for visitors, John felt ecstatic. You were alive. He wasn't losing someone important from him again. When they got inside the room, you had already woken up and had a nurse slowly help you sit up from your bed but the moment your eyes fell on John, he noticed the slight confusion written on your face.

"Y/N, God, I'm so happy the operation was successful." John smiled and tucked a piece of your hair and he noticed how your body stilled from the touch as you looked up at him with wide eyes.

Thhe reaction was weird but John brushed it off and thought that maybe, it was a side effect from the pain killers you'd been taking.

"Aurelio's here and brought you some stuff. You like those cookies from the bakery near his shop, right?" You found yourself nodding slowly at the man's question even though you had no idea who he is.

Who was he? And how does he know your name? How did he know you liked those chocolate chip cookies from that bakery near Aurelio's shop? It was starting to freak you out.

John took notice of your reaction and the nurse excused herself when she was finished checking your vitals. John put a finger underneath your chin to make you look up at him and in your eyes, he saw fear.

You never looked at him like that. Never. Not even once.

"Y/N, darling, what's wrong? Did I do something, why are you-"

"Who are you?" You asked, cutting him off and John looked at Aurelio to see if what he heard was right.

Aurelio looked at him and then back at you with shock written on his face.

"What? Y/N, it's me, John. Your friend, your best friend." John replied but you had no recollection of the man in front of you so you shook your head slowly.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so confused I don't know who you are." You apologized shyly and looked at Aurelio. "Aurelio, is he a friend of yours? I really don't remember him, I don't wanna seem so rude."

John stood there in his spot, completely frozen. You remember Aurelio but you had forgotten him. That could only mean one thing...

"Come on, Y/N, stop fooling around this isn't funny. Tell me you're just joking and you know who I am." John's voice was laced with desperation now and you took notice of how his eyes were starting to fill with tears and you had a sense he hated crying in front of people.

Why did you feel so guilty? As if you'd done something wrong?

You looked up at the man apologetically and shook your head at him. "I'm so sorry, John, I really don't know who you are. I believe I just met you. Aurelio would have introduced you to me back then but... I don't remember that he has."

John couldn't take it. Everything was so overwhelming. When he gruffly excused himself you watched as he hurriedly made his way out of your room and Aurelio followed soon after probably to chase after him.

You had no idea of who he was but you could never forget how heartbroken he seemed when he looked at you.

Did you know him before?

John, on the other hand, needed to get out of there and he ignored Aurelio's calls as he got into his car and sped down the road. He felt guilty for leaving you there all alone, probably so confused as to why you were there in the first place but he just needed to have his space.

And so here he was, sharing a drink with Winston.

"You weren't entirely fair with her as well, Jonathan. You couldn't blame her if she hadn't told you."

"I was grieving for my wife." John stated to which Winston replied with a hum.

"But you could've showed her you felt the same way. Maybe told her. Hanahaki disease is a complicated kind of illness. Y/N believed you were still in love with Helen. And maybe you still are. That's why she was on the verge of dying that day. But it could all have been cured if you two had just acted on your feelings right away. A lot of people die from that, you know."

John stayed silent and poured himself another drink.

He had moved on from Helen a year after the whole incident with Viggo and his son. If Helen was alive, she would've wanted John to live his life fully and that was the only way he could honor her. And he did, and that was thanks to you.

You were like a breath of fresh air and John was scared he might ruin the peace that you had in your life. And he kind of did in a way. But you were too stubborn to leave until he just couldn't handle the thought of you leaving.

Like you, it crept up on John and the familiar itch on his throat, as if he was about to cough kept popping out of nowhere. Especially when you were near him. And for a moment, he didn't want to believe he caught it. He couldn't be possibly catching feelings for you it was a dangerous game to play.

John believed everything he touched turns to ash and he wasn't turning you into one. You deserved far more better than that. And it'd be impossible for you to feel the same way about him, he's too damaged to be loved at this point. But it's true when they say that you can't help who you fall in love.

But today, today was different than the others. John placed the glass down and leaned back on his chair and soon leaned forward when he began to cough and cough and cough.

Winston looked at John with an unreadable expression on his face. As if he knew it was coming. Somehow, he felt bad for the man. He had lost his wife and the dog she gave to him. And in a way he lost you even though you were still perfectly alive.

And now the disease had caught up to him.

His hunch was right when he saw the blood on John's palm. John stared down at it and noticed that there were petals of your favorite flower sticking onto his hand along with his own blood.

The assassin stayed silent as he grabbed his handkerchief from his coat and wiped the bloody residue off his skin.

Winston poured the man another drink but this time, he didn't pour himself some. He knew John needed it more than he did.

"Are you going to remove it or not?"

John looked at Winston but the manager took it upon himself to get up from the chair and leave Jonathan alone in the rooftop to decide.

This was all a bad case of wrong timing and lack of courage, obviously. And John leaned back against the chair and pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a tear slip down his cheek.

Was he ready to go? Or will he risk forgetting about you like you did to him?

John realized just how difficult this all was. He realized now that it hurt to have you forget about him completely. Like he was dead to you. But knowing you, you would've made the decision just so you could live for John's sake. He knew you decided to live even though it would be hard on the both of you.

Because in your mind, you probably chose to live and see John again even though you had forgotten about him rather than die and let him live this world all alone without you.

But would it be the same for John? Could he really forget about you? Or was it time for him to go and let you be free?

Either way, as he began to cough once again, he knew that he needed to think fast and decide.

Time is gold and he's slowly running out of that.

---

A/N: I know in some stories this is not how the Hanahaki disease works but this is my take on it. Reader almost died because she believed that John would never love her the way she did. When all along, John was slowly developing feelings for her and while he did, he also didn't believe she'd have feelings for him because he believes he's too damaged to be loved. To put it shortly, my understanding of the Hanahaki is that as long as the protagonist believes the enamoured doesn't love them back, they'll slowly die. But as long as the enamoured confesses to the protagonist, they'll be cured of the disease. And if that doesn't work, the plant can be surgically removed.

The disease caught up to John and the reader because they didn't act upon their feelings and confessed to each other right away. They both believed everything was platonic between them. As a result, they kept it to themselves until it slowly killed them. In other words, this is all a bad case of wrong timing and lack of courage to say what they really wanted to say to each other.

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves oneshot #john wick #john wick fic #john wick imagines #john wick x reader

[ohemgeeitscoley]

The love lasts so long (1/1)

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Rey/Ben Solo (Reylo)

Note: Written for the Reylo/Folklore Drabble Collection. I am in love with all of the songs on Folklore and have been super inspired to write by the album. I’m super happy I got to be a part of this collaboration and I can’t wait to see what everyone else puts together.

@andyouweremine​ is hands down one of the best betas and friends in the world. Thanks for jumping in and adding all of the commas for me. You’re the best and I love you a lot. 

Read below or on AO3

"You're home late," Rey mutters softly as she feels the bed shift under Ben's weight. She’s not quite awake; she couldn't open her eyes fully if she tried. 

"I know," Ben pulls her into his arms, pressing a kiss against the slope of her neck. "I tried to leave, I really did. There's just so much to do, and that promotion… Rey if I can get that promotion it'll be so good for us—”

Rey shakes her head, slowly moving away from Ben so she can sit up, glance at the clock, and look down at him. There's tears burning in her eyes and her stomach is in knots. 

She's angry. 

She's so, so angry.

"It's almost 3 am, Ben. You haven't been home before midnight in months. It's like living with a ghost." Rey bites down on her lower lip. "I don't want to hear about your job or a promotion. It's just another reminder that you'll somehow need to be there more than you already are and I'll just be here alone waiting for you."

Ben looks hurt for a moment. But then Rey watches as he controls his face, and then his face is the calm and cool mask that he used to never put on around her.

"I'm doing this for us," Ben says. There's no emotion or passion in his voice. It's the same voice she hears in the mornings before he goes to work when he’s practicing his arguments in the bathroom. It's calm and precise and meant for a courtroom. "For our future. I know I have been gone more than usual, but I hardly think it's fair to compare me to a ghost. Once I get the promotion things are going to be different, I'll be home more. We can really start planning the wedding—"

Rey snorts, getting out of bed. "Stop, Ben, just stop," Rey begs, wiping her hands against her face to push away the tears that have started falling. "That's what you said before you got promoted to senior associate. This is what I've been hearing for the last eighteen months. And you know what? Nothing has changed. Nothing is better. And I can't keep doing this."

Ben's face cracks, and Rey can see for a moment just how scared he is by what she's saying. He scrambles to get out of the bed, reaching his hand out to touch her. Rey steps out of his reach, shaking her head as she wraps her arms around her stomach. 

"What are you saying, Rey?" Ben asks, and his voice sounds defeated.  

"I don't, I don't know," Rey admits, staring at the ground. "It's late. I'm going to go sleep in the guest room. You should go to bed. You have court in the morning."

Rey waits just a moment for Ben to stop her, to pull her back into bed and his arms like he used to do when they fought, but Ben remains still on the bed. So she walks out of the room, closes the door and goes to the other room without pause.

A part of her still believes that Ben will come get her, that she'll wake up with him beside her at least. 

But she wakes up alone at 6:45 am and Ben is already gone. 

***

Rey finds Ben sitting on his favorite bench in the park down the street from their home. It's early. The sun is just starting to paint the sky as it begins to rise. 

They still haven't talked about the fight from the week before. If anything, Ben had been coming home even later and leaving even earlier since then. Rey wasn't even positive he came home at all some nights.

She'd slept in the guest room every night since anyway.

Rey sits down next to him, holding her hand out for him to take. 

He doesn't. 

"I've thought about what you said," Ben says after a few minutes, circling his thumbs while he talks. "And I think you're right, this isn't working anymore."

For a second Rey is filled with hope, believing that Ben finally sees how toxic his job is and that he's finally, finally going to quit, but then-

"I can move out, obviously. It'll be easier for me to find a new place, and the firm has places for witnesses that we fly in that I can stay at for a while."

Rey's heart plummets as she panics. He's breaking up with her. That's not what she wants. It's not what she meant when she said she couldn't do this anymore.

She's going to be sick.

"Ben, stop," Rey stands up, pacing in front of him as she tries to process what he's saying. "I don't, I don't want this. I love you. I didn't mean I couldn't do this." She moves her index finger back and forth between them. "I meant your job. Your job is ruining us."

"I can't leave my job, Rey," he sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I have nothing without my job."

"You have me."

"No, I don't." Ben shrugs, as if he's stating a common truth and not the biggest lie that he's ever said to her. "You're miserable at home. I'm never there and you're right, that's not something that's going to get better. I can't balance our relationship and my job, and it's hurting you. It has been hurting you. I already lost you, Rey. This is just me admitting it. And setting you free."

"I'm standing right here Ben," Rey points out, placing her hands on his shoulders. "You haven't lost me. I'm right here."

"For now, maybe," Ben keeps his head down and pulls away from Rey's touch. "But you're not sleeping in our room anymore Rey. You pulled away from us too. You have been for months. I think this is what you want, you're just too scared to admit it."

"No," Rey gets out between gritted teeth. "You do not get to do this. You do not get to sit there and attempt to blame this on me. I am not the one doing this. If you do this Ben, if you walk away from us, that is on you. It is not on me."

"You're the one—" Ben starts but Rey is hardly listening, shaking her head.

"No. No, I am not," Rey interrupts him. "Snoke is doing this. And you just are in denial if you can't see that, Ben. He has you so convinced that I'm a distraction or that you are, what, unworthy of my love?"

Rey waits, but Ben says nothing. He keeps his eyes glued to the floor and that just further fuels Rey's anger. The acid in her throat burns as he remains silent.

"Well, here's a secret," Rey sighs, reaching out to grab Ben's hand. "I've been in love with you since I was seven years old, Ben Solo. And if you think I'm just going to stop loving you because you are being an idiot and because you have let some asshole get into your head and convince you that you aren't worthy of that and that I am holding you back… you're just wrong."

Tears start to escape Rey's eyes when Ben looks up at her. His eyes are full of disbelief and it kills a part of her. The idea that somehow he could even begin to doubt how she feels about him, how much she needs him, after all of these years hurts her more than anything.

"There is nothing, nothing you can do, Ben, to change how I feel about you," Rey squeezes Ben's hand. "I love you today. I loved you yesterday. I'll love you tomorrow. I loved you when we were ten playing pirates in your tree house. I loved you when we were thirteen and you wore braids in your hair and you liked to first practice new braids on me. I loved you when you were haunted by the emptiness and ghosts in your home when we were sixteen. Ben, I have loved you my entire life and I'm not just going to stop."

"Rey," Ben chokes out and Rey realizes that he is crying too. "I can't give you the life you deserve and the only way I can is to keep this job that you hate—"

"Stop," Rey breathes, kneeling down until she is eye level with Ben. "I hate your job, Ben. I hate what it does to you. I hate that you have somehow convinced yourself that leaving me is the best option. That you have it on your head that a world without you is somehow better for me is something I can't understand. And you are good enough. My love isn't something that you can deserve, it's something that I chose to give and you don't have any say in that anymore, Ben. I don't care about your job, or the money, or whatever material things you buy me. I care about you. All I want is you."

Ben says nothing again. Rey's leg is cramping from the way she is squatting. The morning dew is shining on the grass underneath the bench Ben is sitting on. 

"So leave me. Keep working for Snoke and being miserable and working too late and waiting for your big break when you finally get everything you want," Rey drops his hand. "But I won't be there, Ben. If that's what you want, if that's what will make you happy… a future without me. Then okay. I can live with that," Rey's voice breaks and she reaches up to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "I'll learn to live with that. But you don't have to. You can take my hand and our love can last. Ben, our love can last so long."

Rey swallows while Ben remains quiet. She waits for him to say something, to say anything. She waits, and she waits, and she waits. It feels like her heart is actually splitting in half the longer that she waits and the longer Ben remains silent.

Choking back a sob, Rey nods to herself since Ben hasn't looked up from the ground since he told her it was over. 

Over. Over. Over. Over.

Rey takes a step back, her vision blurring as new tears flood to the service. 

"Okay," she whispers, taking another step away from him. "I love you. I hope, I hope some part of you always knows that. And I'll wait for you. I can't—" Rey takes a deep breath, trying to keep her voice steady. "I can't promise that I'll wait forever? But when you decide that enough is enough and you leave Snoke, because you will, Ben. You will leave one day. If maybe then you still think of me…"

Rey's sentence trails off while she looks up at the morning sky. "Right," she whispers, mostly to herself. And she turns. She turns away from Ben and begins to walk away and each step is harder than last. 

She's halfway through the park when she hears someone run up behind her. Then she feels his hand grab into hers as he turns her around to face him. 

"I'll quit," he says quietly and his voice is raw. His face is red and blotchy and he's still crying when he pulls her into his arms. Rey doesn't fight him, she buries her head into his chest and sobs. "On Monday, first thing. I'll quit."

Rey nods, wrapping her arms around his neck and tries to pull him closer to her.

"I have no idea how to fix this, babe," Ben whispers, pressing a faint kiss into her hair, his arms squeezing her tightly. "I don't know where to start, I'm so scared that I can't. That it's too late. That I've ruined us—"

"We'll figure it out together," Rey promises, kissing his shirt just above his heart.

"You really still believe our love can last?"

"So long," Rey answers. "Our love will last so long."

#reylo #reylo fic #reylo fanfiction #reylo fanfic #reylofolklore #my fic

[every-jai]

Just a Table Ch. 4

Finally, the next part of my newest Fan fiction. Real life hit me a little, so sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Reviews are welcome as always!

I'm pregnant....and it's yours" For nearly ten seconds all the colors drained from Jai's face, then it changed to pure rage. "Don't be ridiculous; we haven't been together for months!" She smiled. "3 months to be exact, and I'm 14 weeks pregnant. You ARE the father!" Jai scoffed and dragged me to the elevator "May I remember you, that you were so afraid of getting pregnant, that we even with you taking the pill, always used condoms? If not the doubtful case happened, that both failed - and I can't remember a broken condom - then this is not mine!" The elevator doors closed and left a stunned Kat behind.

Jai stood on the other end with his head held down. He clung to the railing so hard; his knuckles turned white. Suddenly he roared out and kicked the wall with all his power. "This woman really knows how to push my buttons, I have no idea, what I've done to deserve this!" I let him act out his anger and stayed behind.

When we arrived at his flat, he threw his keys in a corner, followed by his shoes. Anxious he wandered thru the room "what if she really has my Baby? I don't want to let the Kid down!" I sighed, scooped the keys out of the corner, placed his shoes beside the door and let myself fall onto the bench at the table. "Didn't you just say it couldn't be yours?" He leans on the kitchen counter "I'm pretty sure... I think so... Damn, I don't keep a book every time I slept with my girlfriend!" he sat down beside me. "Kat has nothing to do with Kids, she doesn't even like them. Every time Indy and her brother were visiting us, she left for her parents, and when we flew to Sydney for them, she always stayed in the background, never played with them. I just had to start talking about Kids, and she instantly throws a fit. Kat said, we had plenty of time for that, and she didn't want to 'ruin' her shape for them just yet." he put the word 'ruin' into exclamation marks with his fingers. I looked at him with a crooked head. "You want to have Kids?" Jai nodded weakly "Would love to have a family in the not so far future. I don't want to be an old Dad. I know it's not that easy with a job like mine, so I would always make sure that they won't miss me too much. But think I can skip that now" He looked really miserable, and it broke my heart to see him like this.

I just opened my mouth to said something reassuringly, when a loud and obnoxious banging started on the door. Jai rolled his eyes "ready to rumble again!" He opened the door, and Kat stormed inside. "How dare you to leave me alone down there!" she hissed, and Jai scowled at her. "Welcome, please come in!" he said sarcastically. Unimpressed she crossed him and threw her handbag on the table beside me. "So that you know what's up, I have a few terms you have to agree to." Jai looked at her completely stunned "Terms? You have terms? I don't think..." I stood up, went to Jai and laid my hand on his arm. "wait, let's hear what she has to say" I winked at him and took my cell phone, there was something I suddenly remembered. "Yeah, listen to your little ladylove, Jai" He crunched his teeth, "OK, tell me"

A smug smile spread across her face. "Good, these are my conditions: First, we are going to be seen in public together again. I'll accompany you to every Shooting, every premiere, every event. We don't want that something like this" she pointed her finger at me "happened ever again, don't we?" again, Jai wanted to say something, but I held him back with a shake of my head. "Please, let her finish" Kat nodded at me nearly appreciative, only to destroy it a second later "Thanks, whatever your name is" I had to cover a grin, she really was a handful. Let's see how long it lasts. "Second: I'm going to move back in, or we will look for a house together, you do not want that your child grows up in such a single dump, right?" Now I had to held Jai down with all my strength so he couldn't jump at her throat "Easy big boy, just a few more minutes" I looked back at Kat. "May I ask how long are you aware that you are pregnant?" Kat looked at me questioning "This is none of your concern" Now Jai jumped in "But it is mine! so, how long?" "Don't know, four weeks I think. I wanted to wait until the critical first 3 months are over, so I can be sure not to lose it" Great, this was the answer I was hoping for. Jai looked at me doubtfully, then back to Kat "That's all?" She shook her head "Just one more thing: I want her" again she pointed at me, "out of your life, completely! You are throwing her out, delete her number, and make sure that you do not meet again." Jai laughed humorlessly "And how should I do this? She's working for the same studios as I most of the time!" Kat just shrugged "I don't care, you are the famous actor here, do something about it. You will fulfill all my conditions, or the tabloids, the studios, directors, production companies and all your oh so precious fans will learn to know how bad you treated your pregnant ex-girlfriend. I think I can remember how you forced me to get an abortion"

Jai and me were amazed. She was absolutely ready for the utmost. But she wasn't the only one with a plan. Confident that she already won, Kat sat down on Jai's Laptop. "I see, we all agree. I would say you Jai, can call the mover, and I will look out for a real estate agent. And you," again she was pointing at me "go pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here." Neither Jai or me moved an inch. Her cell phone ringed, but she wasn't paying attention. I crossed my Armes in front of my chest and smiled "I think you better should look at that." Annoyed Kat picked up her phone, unlocked it and was cringing instantly. "what... What is that, where did you get this from?" Her once so calm and smug features turned into sheer panic. Now I was grinning from ear to ear. There, on her cell phone, three very revealing party pics of her, drinking heavily just a few days ago, were showing. "Maybe you should be careful when you're out and about."

I showed Jai the same photos on my phone. He stared at them in anger. Suddenly he grabbed Kat by her arms and shoved her out of the door. "Don't you dare ever approaching me again. If I see any of your accusations in public, just a glimpse or rumor going around of this, I swear to god, I sue you into oblivion. I think my lawyer will be very very interested in this." with that, he nearly smacked the door in her face. Jai lends on the closed door. "I can't believe she really tried to blackmail me! But please tell me, where did you get those pictures from?" Smiling I showed him a friends facebook page. "Kat was on a private Party a few days ago, where he was too. I remembered that the moment she said she was about 3 Month pregnant. Even Kat isn't so reckless with an unborn" He hugged me tightly. "Damn girl, you literally saved my life!"

3 weeks later my arm was fully healed. No more surgery was necessary, but a scar would be left. We hadn't heard anything more from Kat, it seems she was too afraid of a lawsuit.

I was just packing my last things, when Jai appears in the doorway, looking a little sad. "It will be very lonely around here without you" I smiled at him "well, now you can do what you want again, no more caretaking for me" Two, three long strides and Jai stood in front of me, tugging me into his Armes. He looked deep into my eyes "Honestly, there is just one thing I want to do right now" The next second his warm, soft lips pressed on mine. Without thinking about it, I kissed back. Jai's Armes sneaked around my back, and his hands gently stroked down till they laid on my hips. Seconds later I ended the kiss breathless and laid my forehead to his. "You have no idea how long I dreamed about this" he whispered softly, stroking my Nose with his. "Please, don't go!" I shook my head slightly "I'm sorry, but I have to" Confused he took a step back. I took his hand and set down on the bed with him. "Look, I want that as much as you do, believe me. But you just came out of a long relationship. Sometimes people fell in a black hole after that, and search for a distraction." Now he nearly went furious. "What do you think of me? I would never... " again I kissed him softly. "Only the best, believe me. I just want us to be on the same page about this." Jai looked at me pleadingly "We are! You aren't a distraction, please believe me!" I caressed his cheek "I do! Look, I'm going to New York for two weeks tomorrow. Let's use this to get clear about our feelings towards each other. Go out to a party, meet other women, do whatever you want, and if your feelings are still the same in two weeks time, you pick me up from the airport, ok?" He nodded. "if that's what you want" "it will be good for both of us."

He went to the door with me, hugged and kissed me one more time lovingly. "I'll see you in two weeks, you won't miss me, I'm the big guy with a bouquet of red roses waiting for you!" I laughed and went back to my apartment.

During my time in NY, we avoid any contact, which was very hard for me, to be honest. I missed Jai and was pretty sure about a relationship with him. The whole flight back home I couldn't think about anything else, couldn't wait to see him again, at the same time, I was terrified that his feelings would have changed.

The moment I arrived at the airport, I looked around for Jai, but couldn't find him. I waited for 10 minutes, then 20, ran around from baggage reclaim to the terminal exit and back, but no sight of him. Devasted I called a Cab and went back to my place. A pity, I was really sure that there was something between us. Tired I laid down on my cold, nearly unfamiliar bed. Just before I fell asleep, I remembered that my phone had died down a few hours ago. I plugged it into the charger and turned it on. Suddenly a dozen missed calls, and even more messages popped up on the screen. Ben, Sophie and oddly enough James, had tried to reach me. When I opened the first message from Ben, my heart stopped working: "(y/n), please call me urgently, Jai had an accident!"...

#fanfiction #jai courtney #jai courtney x reader

[audiovisualrecall]

I can't fall asleep even tho it's 230am bc I realize I screwed up a bunch at work today and it wouldn't be a huge deal except it directly affected/affects our two newbies who are still kids really (18 yr olds. They are babies.)

I should have focused more early on in the shift and gotten a bulk of work done then, and gone over to b and asked him to do certain things instead of doing them myself bc I wasn't sure if he knew how, bc it meant I didn't get a whole lot done between 1 and 4pm. So then we were behind, a bit, so I kind of pushed everyone a bit near the end, which is fine normally but again, kiddos, they were tired and I could've told them to head out, dont worry, me and tl have got it.

I mean both of the newbies had concerns/problems that they both wanted me to help solve, which took time away from me and them being on the floor working, and I wasn't really able to fully solve either? Tl did solve j's issue I think, actually, bc he was doing a training on the computer at one pt. But I didn't get to solve b's problem, or at least I didn't get to communicate to him what tl told me...etc.

So the big issue for me is I didn't make sure to check in with b as much as I should have - I mean, yeah, b has been working since the first week of Feb, whereas j started yesterday, so I was focused more on j learning and stuff. Idk. Bit anyway what ended up happening is b didn't end up taking his 45 min break until after 8pm. Which is not good, it's not fair to him, I should have realized way earlier and sent him on break, it's just he just kept trucking along and didn't mention wanting a break! I don't even know if he took a 10. I feel horrible and it IS my fault bc I was acting as supervisor and as team trainer, in other words it was my job to stay aware and consider the team's needs as individual people, not just the department's needs (aka well this stuff has to get done. Yeah but hello, it can be done LATER. Always, breaks are necessary and required and I needed to go, did you take your break? No? OK pls go soon kk? Finish this after. Yes it's fine.)

So just. I feel dumb and like shit and idek how b slipped my attention basically, bc I checked in with Rahim and m and j, eventually, but b just does not..what's the word? He doesn't seem to sort of speak up for what he needs? Maybe bc he doesn't know he can? And I feel like garbage bc I'm off tomorrow. Yes I'm back on Thursday but idk if he's in either day anyway. Basically I screwed up and I failed b and honestly screwed j over too bc I should've just said, ok, it's after 9, go home, I've got this. Even before THAT I should've said, ok it's 8/8:30, I'll teach you to level and then I'll work on this while you do that, and then once it's done u can help Rahim move stuff to the back that has to go back in the cooler, and then sign out/clock out and go home. Same thing for b, should have told him, even as it was with him working on bananas at 9pm bc he didn't get to them sooner and it's bc of me honestly, ffs mimi - so I should have said, do what you can, but 9:30 comes, you should stop for the night, clean up if you're done, if not don't worry, just go clock out, sign out, and go home.

So yeah I had. Several jobs today and I failed at like. 4 of them. At least 3. And so I'm awake and miserable and I can't FIX it and I can't do anything about it and I really want to apologize to both of them and be like, this is what I SHOULD HAVE done/said, I got caught up in my own head, and I'll try not to let it happen again, ok? BUT I CANT DO THAT!!! At least I can't do it RIGHT NOW bc it's 2:47am now, even if I like, had their numbers which I don't, and I don't have tl's number either so I can't be like so I know I screwed up xyz ways and ive apologized to tms for failing them. Can't do that, both bc no phone numbers and the hour and also like it's better to say shit in person?? But I'm off tomorrow, idk who's in Thursday, or Friday, I may not see b again till like next week? Idk? And I'm just....sort of afraid I scared h him or both of them off by not being considerate of their needs and my responsibilities tbh. Like would I be happy to go back to work if I was basically forgotten, and or worked straight till the end of my shift, possibly past it, and or had to take my break super late bc they didn't notice i hadn't taken it yet earlier, that early on in a part time (?) job? I've had days like that and gone home not wanting to go back to work, I've gone home and cried over a shitty, exhausting day at work. And I'm stubborn enough to not quit. Mostly bc it's harder to get a job without currently being employed, and I just haven't had time to job hunt rlly. Anyway l... I'm worried I screwed up big time and I really want to fix it and I can't. Like maybe I can....call the store tomorrow and ask to speak to tl and tell him, like, I feel like I screwed up yesterday by not being as mindful of the new tms as I could have, I should have noticed and gotten b to take his break sooner/just had him go take the break first before the tomatoes set, and communicated better, and I want to apologize to them and promise to do better next time. But idk if he'll get it or understand WHY I'm saying that? Or that he'll like go on its OK, don't worry. Meanwhile thinking yeah mimis not cut out for this. Idk. And I could text imran tomorrow and tell HIM but he also...may not get it and may be like why tf are you obsessing over this?? Or like u think abt work when ur home???? Like I think about my SCREWUPS when I'm home, yes. Especially ones that affect other people I am responsible for! Ffs! Aaaaaaaaaaaah

[anxietalyn]

ACL reconstruction

so. last week on Tuesday I got ACL surgery, and I've looked on a few tags on Tumblr for tips and what to expect. but, I didn't find a lot, and when I did they weren't really descriptive. so ima do one to maybe help some folks out. this is tips and my experience so far.

Edit: this turned out waaaay longer than I thought it would

THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY SURGERY AND RECOVERY. I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT WILL GO. I WENT TO A TOP ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON BC MY FAMILY HAD HEARD A LOT ABOUT MY DUDE AND THEY TOOK MY INSURANCE(he turns out to be one of the top orthopedic surgeons in Texas. If you live in the Houston, Texas area, the dude is Dr. Barrett Brown at Fondren Orthopedic Group in the medical center. whoop.) :

if you have the time, money, and availability, go to therapy a few weeks before the surgery. it'll strengthen the muscles in the injured leg, and the leg that isn't going under the knife. it'll help you after the surgery when you're having to use crutches or a walker. trust me on that. I was going to therapy 7 1/2 before my surgery. my orthopedic said that I should've gone at least six weeks.

when I went to therapy for the first time after tearing my ACL and MCL back in October, he was concerned. *I was also in a wheelchair for ten days*.

don't do that

I wish I would've looked up how or asked a family who is a doctor how to use crutches. because I was miserable in that wheelchair. my muscles in my left leg(injured leg) shrinked because they weren't used in a week and a half. and my leg muscles are pretty strong for my height and weight. that was the most difficult part of therapy leading up to last Tuesday. the fact that my strength and body changed.

if you're learning how to use them, or they are unavailable for a day or so, go ahead and use a wheelchair. bc, I'll be honest, it is a lot easier.

You might be at the hospital for a while before they take you in. I was told to be at my surgeon's office at 9:30, and I wasn't taken back for prep until 13:00(1:00pm)

You might also be in the prep area for a bit.. but there is where you get the hospital dress, no-slide socks, a "fall risk" bracelet(which I should've gotten when I started to walk when I was little bc I'm hella clumsy), your IV, I was offered a numbing shot for the area of the IV but I dunno if that's universal

if you have a family member or friend back there with you, ask for them to distract you. I had my goofy brother to make faces at me

if you are offered that numbing shot, they will tell you this, but for about ten seconds it burns like hell

at my hospital, everyone who would be in the OR had to come introduce themselves before surgery, so if you have any questions, ask! they are there to answer your questions. no matter if you think they're stupid.

my Anesthesiologist(the dude who gives the knock out juice) came over, asked if this is my first surgery, and when I told him yes, he explained EVERYTHING. He said that all the folks in the room(for me it was 6) would come by, ask my name, birthday, what was happening during the surgery, and which leg. he then said that the anaesthesia I would get was a non-narcotic which is to help you not throw up after surgery(which I didn't).

five more people then introduced themselves

when they were wheeling me to the OR, they said it would be cold so they gave me a second blanket

they wheeled me up to the table, had me crawl onto it, had a foam pillow for my head, and extended arm holders for my arms to lay outta the way

Steve(anesthesiologist) then asked if I was ready, I said I was scared. one of the nurses then held my hand as he put in the knock out juice. he then said I did good, and to help the anaesthesia work faster, put an oxygen over my nose and mouth until I was out.(last thing I remember)

when I woke up, I was still in the OR, but I was incredibly dis-oriented. I know ASL, so I started signing "want brother" over and over. none of the OR folks knew what I was signing, so they found someone who knows a little ASL and they interpreted what i was signing

they told my that I had to wait for a little bit so they could check to make sure my vitals and wrap up my leg(it's a 30 minute waiting period)

when my parents came in, I was offered sprite(You can't eat anything after ten o'clock the night before, or drink anything(even water) after midnight.) because my sugar level was low

!!!start drinking water a week before the surgery!!!it's so much more difficult to find a good vein for the IV!!! my grandma was poked seven times in different places to find a good juicy vein!!!

the anaesthesia will most likely make you feel weird.

I called everyone cute. everyone. nurse, doctor, patient, people who I don't know. everyone. I asked my nurse out on a date. I told my mom who Is married she's jealous of my "mad flirting skills"

You need to eat something on your way home. I stopped and got soup to-go. I recommend soup, just because it is easy on the tummy

You will not have an appetite for at least a week. regardless, you need to eat protein during recovery bc it'll help your Incision.

I keep repeating this but. YOU NEED TO EAT. YOU WILL NOT FEEL LIKE IT. BUT EAT. I AM AN 18-YEAR OLD AND I GO TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE SO I STAYED HOME. I HAD THREE PEOPLE TELLING ME TO EAT. AND ONE WHO FORCED ME TO EAT. GET YOU SOMEONE THAT WILL MAKE YOU EAT WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

your leg will hurt. there's no way to sugar coat. it will hurt a lot.

find something to distract yourself. my Alma Mater was in the state championship for football, and I love football and star wars. I watched The Force Awakens an ungodly amount, that I could quote every. single. character.

just find things to do that you don't need to exert yourself too much. I like colouring books, reading, and watching movies. just have something to do while you recover. please.

you'll get prescribed four things: pain medicine, meds for muscle spasms, meds to help with nausea, and a shot that helps prevent blood clots in my leg while I can't move it regularly

I'm about six days into recovery, and the shots are the worst part currently.

The first three to four days are the worst of it. your nerves are waking up, you're getting used to not bending your knee, your learning how to walk again. they are just bad.

take the pain med when your pain level is a 3 or 4 on a 1-10 scale. it'll kick in right before it gets too bad

on that note. DON'T LET SOMEONE TELL YOU HOW BAD YOU HURT. YOUR BODY. YOUR PAIN. EVERYONE'S PAIN TOLERENCE IS DIFFERENT.

when you stand, it will hurt.

when you put pressure on it, it will hurt.

when you move it, it will hurt.

when you hit it(on anything), it will hurt.

when you have to adjust the brace strap that is riiiiight on top of the incision, it will hurt like no other.

that pain, will pass.

I PROMISE you that the pain will reduce. in the moment it may seem like your leg is on fire, but fight on, Strong Warrior. fight on.

elevate your leg from behind your ankle

elevate when ever you can. you're told to, and 10/10 recommend it because it will reduce swelling

you're gonna swell anyways. a little bit of swelling is normal. it's your body trying to heal it's self.

don't take Ibuprofen: it flushed out the good things that the swelling is bringing to heal your body

ice your knee. ice. ice. ice. it will help with over swelling

you don't HAVE to elevate your foot while you sleep though.

You will not sleep for a couple nights. it will suck. it will be frustrating. and it will awful. last night was the first night since Tuesday(it's a Monday) that I got more than four hours of sleep. You will eventually get sleep though. and personally, I was able to take small naps during the day.

I personally, have self-harm scars on my left thigh. so I was slightly uncomfortable with people being around them. You'll have to have someone wrap an ace bandage around your leg(mine is wrapped from my ankle to mid thigh.). Have someone you are comfortable with touching them wrap your leg.

You may not always be fully comfortable during recovery, but try to get as comfy as you can

Go to physical therapy.

it will help(and it's prescribed)

and for goodness sake. Do your at home exercises they give you. they seem like a waste of time, but they honestly do help.

find a PT group you like. **look on your insurance to find a place that is "in network". it'll cost a whole bunch less.**

for PT it's completely okay to go to different people until you feel comfortable. You will do so much better when you're with someone you trust and can tell they know their shit.

I'm curious by nature, and my therapist has the alphabet behind his name. so if you get a card, Google the letters!

for example, the alphabet behind his name is: PT, DPT, FAAOMPT. When I searched them, I found that PT is the good ol' fashioned Physical Therapist. DPT is Doctorate of Physical Therapy. and FAAOMPT is  American Academy of Orthopedic Manual Physical Therapists("The “Fellow” is a physical therapist who has demonstrated advanced clinical, analytical, and hands-on skills in the treatment of musculoskeletal orthopedic disorders and is internationally recognized for their competence and expertise in the practice of manual physical therapy." Basically, my dude knows his shit).

Warning though, if you're curious about what a certain exercise does, and you ask,they might touch your body and physically show you what muscle the exercise works. and while you're doing an exersice, if you're doing it wrong, they will fix your position themself. this is why I say find someone your comfortable with. They are very hands on. I was lucky because the first one I went to, we hit it off. we both have mutual interests, and he isn't annoyed when I sass him. he sasses me back.

In pictures of me within a couple weeks of the operation, you can see how swollen my foot is. the brace I have is a pretty general brace, and it I locked straight. I cannot bend my leg while I have it on. under it is two ace bandages, and then on my incision there is a steri-strip. My nurse said not to touch it/try to remove it because it's keeping it clean and helping it heal. I got four holes in my knee for a camera and tools. the graph that is now my ACL is from my Patellar tendon, so the incision is between 6-8 inches.

I'll continue to update this as my recovery continues. and if you have any questions, feel free to message or send me an ask!

#acl surgery #acl reconstruction surgery #surgery recovery tips #i believe in you #you'll do great