#I’ve never seen such a beautiful disaster

[xxbimbobunnyxx]

You’ll Never Be A Burden

(Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader)

Summary: When you can’t get out of bed, answer your phone, or shake the feeling of hopelessness your boyfriend is there to reassure you that he will always be there for you no matter what. WK: 1.6k moodboard

Warnings: Talk of mental illness, depression, feeling unloved/unworthy of love, not being able to get out of bed, insomnia, food mention, hurt/comfort, Eddie being the sweetest sweetie. Just all around this is centered around mental illness and how it feels to be too depressed to get out of bed. Please let me know if I missed any. Also I wrote this in one sitting so there’s probably typos. 18+MDNI

A/N: I don’t specifically mention a certain mental illness but for me this is how it feels when I’m having a BPD episode. So for me this symbolizes borderline depression but it can apply to any type of depression or mental low. I’ve been really going through it lately, so I just harnessed how I feel into writing this and it was very therapeutic. I wish Eddie could come hold me.

You weren’t sure how long you’ve been laying in bed in between awake and asleep at this point. A few hours? A day? Two? All you know is that the clock on your nightstand reads 2:48AM and you have been trying to force your brain to shut off since it read 8PM. You tried everything to calm the war raging inside your mind. You took so many deep breaths at this point you lost count, you pulled all the blankets over your head and tightened your body into the smallest ball you possibly could, you rocked back and forth while you repeated your mantra of “you’re okay” to yourself over and over again. But no matter what you did you couldn’t stop the negative thoughts from swimming around inside you.

You hated when you got like this. Overcome by this feeling of hopelessness. The feeling of shame. Loneliness. Not being able to shake the feeling as if you’re a burden to everyone around you. So you isolate yourself. Not wanting to drag anyone down with your negativity, not wanting to lash out at the people who are just trying to help you, not being able to bear the feeling of being alone in a room full of people.

Your friends had all texted and called you, social media notifications and voicemails piling up. Not even being able to muster up the energy to pick up the phone and respond to the one person you knew would make you feel better. So instead you thought of him. The way his beautiful eyes lit up when a smile spread across his lips. The way it felt to have his arms around you, his smell, his soothing voice. It’s what kept you going on days like this. Him.

Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to pick up the phone. To ask him to come hold you. You were embarrassed, embarrassed of the disaster your house has become, embarrassed of your unbrushed teeth and messy hair, the pajama pants that felt like they were stuck to your body. You didn’t want him to see you like this. He’s only ever seen you like this once, and he was amazing, perfect even. But to this day you beat yourself up over those days he took care of you, washed you, held you while you sobbed, read to you in exaggerated voices until you dozed off with your head in his lap and his fingers in your hair.

You know he wouldn’t mind, that he was happy to help you, be there for you. But you were so scared of him seeing you differently and changing his mind about you. You were terrified that if he saw the real you, truly, that he would leave. You’d become too much, too little, never the right amount, just like you always did.

That’s why when you heard a knock on your door your heart race picked up, you felt your skin flush, because you knew it was him. You knew he’d come, you knew he’d be worried and you can’t decide if worrying him to the point that he showed up at your door or just texting him back was worse. You heard him knock lightly on the door a few more times before you heard the key you had given him turning the lock.

“Baby? Are you here? I just came to check on you… haven’t heard from you since yesterday morning and I was starting to worry.”

His voice became louder as he talked, his footsteps padding down the hall to your bedroom door. Your head was still shoved under your blankets so you didn’t see him but you heard the knob turn and the door swing open.

“Sweetheart…”

Eddie’s heart nearly shattered when he opened your bedroom door. Your room was trashed, the black out curtains drawn blocking out the moonlight, and even your fairy lights you always had on, even in the night, were shut off. He couldn’t see you, but he could see the outline of you and hear your breathing. He walks over to your bed and sits on the side next to the lump of blankets you’ve buried yourself in. His hand comes up and runs along your side and it causes you to jump.

“Baby… please let me help you? Let me take care of you. I know you’re scared of being a burden but you’re never a burden to me.” He continued to run his hand up and down your body, the feeling already causing your body to subconsciously relax just the tiniest bit. “Can you come out? Please? I wanna see my girl.”

“I look horrible Eddie… I don’t want you to see me like this.” You pull the blanket tighter against you, shutting him out no matter how loud your body screamed at you to just throw yourself into his arms.

“I’ve seen you wasted, vomiting your guts out in Harrington’s bathtub, it can’t be much worse than that baby. Come oooonnnnn pleeeseee. I’m not above begging.”

He chuckles, his hand squeezing your hip lightly before it resumes caressing you. You sigh, pulling the blanket back just enough to peak your eyes out and him and your heart swells. He’s so beautiful, just the sight of him made butterflies erupt in your stomach. Just being near him made you feel just a little bit more alive. He pushes the blanket the rest of the way off your head, smoothing your hair out of your face.

“There’s my beautiful girl. Hi baby.”

He cups your face in his hand, running his thumb along your sweaty cheek, not caring if you think you look awful, you’re always gorgeous to him. Even like this. Especially like this. Raw and real. He wants you to feel safe with him when you’re in this low place. He wants to sink down to your level and pull you back up with his hand in yours. Eddie would do anything for you. He knows that scares you, he knows you want to believe him but it’s hard to fight the feeling that he’s going to abandon you. But he will do whatever it takes to prove you wrong. To prove that he isn’t like everyone else. To prove that he will stay.

“Hi.” Your voice comes out a scratchy and whiney and it makes you even more embarrassed than you already are. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? You have nothing to be sorry for sweetheart. I’m here for you, always. I brought your favorite snacks, bubbles, and your favorite teddy bear, me. Come here, let me hold you.”

He pushes the blanket back further and you shiver when the cool air of your room hits your body. He holds his arms out to you and your whole body tingles. He’s here for you. He wants to be here for you, and even though that terrifies you, the soft look on his face makes you feel safe. He makes you feel safe. You push yourself up and he grabs you by the forearms pulling you into his lap and cradling you like a small child.

As soon as his arms are around you the floodgates open, sobs leaving your entire body shaking while your tears soak Eddie’s t-shirt. He doesn’t say anything for a while, just holds you while you cry, running his hands through your tangled hair, caressing your skin under your oversized shirt, kissing on your tear stained cheeks. After a while your sobs turn to small cries before they finally stop.

“It’s okay baby girl, you’re okay. I’m here for you, okay? Let me run us a nice bath, afterwards you can eat something, only if you want, if not that’s okay, I just want you to drink some water for me okay?”

“Okay Eddie… thank you, I-“

“Shh, you don’t have to thank me and you don't need to apologize, I’m your boyfriend and I love you, let me be here for you.” He smiles sweetly at you, rubbing the remaining tears from your cheeks and gathering you in his arms.

Eddie spends the night making good on his promises. He pampers you in the bath, washing you and brushing your hair, even putting lotion on your skin afterwards. He puts your comfort movie on tv in the living room so you can lay on the couch while he makes your safe meal. He doesn’t push you to talk, he knows you will when you’re ready. He holds you and tells you he loves you while he makes commentary on your favorite movie. When you finally start to feel sleep creeping up on you he ushers you back to your bed, the sheets now changed because he insisted it wasn’t a big deal. He holds you tight, and kisses you over and over again. He even gets you to giggle and pulls a genuine smile out of you a few times.

As you lay there in the love of your life’s arms you feel less hopeless. You feel less alone. You feel your body start to warm inside from the tips of your toes all the way to your nose as he places a gentle kiss on it. You feel safe. You regret not calling him sooner but the fact that he came without you even asking makes it even more special to you. Your mind can tell you he doesn’t care all it wants, because he’s always there to tell you he does.

“I love you angel, get some rest, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll always be here.”

“I love you Eddie. I know you told me not to thank you, but thank you, for being here for me. For being you.” You nuzzle your face into his neck, placing a gentle kiss there before you doze off into a peaceful sleep. In the arms of someone you know loves you.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie Munson fluff #eddie munson hurt/comfort #Eddie Munson x fem reader #Eddie Munson one shot #Eddie Munson fanfiction

[mxlktxa]

ʜᴇᴀᴅʟɪɴᴇꜱ

ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴ!ᴀᴜ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ᴄᴇʟᴇʙ!ᴇʟʟɪᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪᴀᴍꜱ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ; ᴇʟʟɪᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪᴀᴍꜱ*, ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴠɪᴇᴡᴇʀꜱ

ᴄᴡ; ɪɴᴠᴀꜱɪᴠᴇ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ, ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ, ꜱᴛʀᴀᴘ-ᴏɴ ᴜꜱᴇ (ʀ ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ), ᴛᴇᴀꜱɪɴɢ/ᴘʀᴀɪꜱɪɴɢ, ɴɪᴄᴋɴᴀᴍᴇꜱ/ᴘᴇᴛ ɴᴀᴍᴇꜱ

ᴡᴄ; 1.1ᴋ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ, 6.0ᴋ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ

‘Famous singer/songwriter and artist, Ellie Williams seen with famous actress and singer/songwriter Y/N’

‘Songwriter Ellie Williams, leaving the studio with Y/N? Is this the internet's new favorite couple?’

“So, as you know, we’ve seen some things about you and Y/N. Is there anything you’d like to share about the two of you with your fans?”

“I wish there was something to share. We’re just good friends. I’m just trying to see if I actually want to get into the acting industry. She’s my—, like… I don’t know, she’s my decoy. My practice, if you wanna put it like that.”

“Look, we know this isn’t a very appropriate question and it’s been asked a lot. Y’all are fuckin’?”

“Who?”

“C’mon, Ellie! You and Y/N, of course! We gotta know. Give us the scoop, man.”

“Jesus, no. I’ve got my eyes set on somebody else anyways, she’s just a good friend.”

“You two, Y/N and you, have been spotted together a whole bunch lately. Is there any reason or coincidence to it?”

“I mean, no. Other than just she brings me with her to check out what the acting industry is really like. It’s… It’s crazy, honestly. Props to her for having the courage for that, she’s a fucking… She’s super fucking strong.”

Blah, blah, fucking-blah. I hated all these stupid fucking articles and interviews with the same dumbass questions. Why did people have to know my relationship status with someone else? Why did they care so much? Why is it a problem for people who don’t know either of us? Just let us live our fucking lives, good-fucking-god. Can I just live my life the way that I want to without being harassed about my love life?

Y/N and I had met at an award ceremony, both fairly new to the respective careers we had gotten ourselves into. We were both assigned to open the show and also seated next to each other. She's such a lovely girl, super chill and respectful. She also minds her business when she's supposed to and never bothers anyone. But her fanbase? I don't know how or why she deals with any of the men she's attracted, but good on her.

I couldn't even be mad at the people asking such invasive questions because here I was, in a hotel room with her, burying my strap deep into her, face contorting into such a wonderful face that I needed to be engraved into my mind. She was so sweet and delicate, a wonderful view to just gaze upon. She sat on my lap as I used my hands to guide her hips down and push my hips up into her. The drool slipping from her lips, hanging from the corner let me know just how much she was really enjoying our time together.

"Fuck, Ellie, I can't do this anymore, I can't take it," a rich whimper came from the gorgeous figure above me, hands gripping onto my shoulders like crazy. A smirk grazed my face as her teary eyes came to meet mine, begging for us to come to an end. I couldn't help but lift her ever-so-slightly so she would offer me yet another cry from those beautiful lips of hers.

I couldn't respond to her. No way, no how. I tilted my head to glance down at the mess she was making on my lap, chuckling at how crazy it was. One hand slid up to her slightly parted lips, thumb slipping in to press down on her tongue. Those lovely moans were now muffled, hips grinding on mine to create that friction she had loved so dearly, starting to now shake at the euphoric sensation she had been receiving for the past hour and a half.

"Oh, but you're taking me so well, princess. How many times have you finished, hm? It's a fucking disaster down there, y'know."

As much as she wanted to respond to me, we both knew she couldn't. She was sucking on my thumb at this point, those delicious sobs still detectable. Chuckling at her attempts, my arms wrapped around her waist as I shoved my face into her chest to lick from her sternum to just below her neck while my thumb had left her oral cavity.

"You're so cruel, Els."

"I'm cruel? You really think so?"

"Mhm. I can't take this. It's too much, I'm so shaky."

She was not kidding about that. She was shaking like a little chihuahua, holding onto me for dear life. I hummed at her situation, peeling away so sluggishly.

"My sweet girl," I whispered, "I'll let you lay down next time. I promise."

"You said that last time and had me against a wall for a full forty-five minutes."

"You looked so angelic. What was I supposed to do? Give you what you want?"

"Yes!" She pouted, though there was a slight smile in that pout she gave me. I shook my head at her, helping her up from my lap as she tried not to fall over and eat shit. I should really give her a break but... She's all good. I know she is.

“I wish we didn’t have to hide this shit anymore,” her face rose up only to hide in the crook of my neck, sighing softly as she ran her hands up and down my arm, “if only people could mind their own fucking business.”

“We could always just say fuck it and go public. I don’t care anymore, they already know.”

Y/N’s eyes popped up, all wide and happy, a lovely smile taking over the pout I knew she had set up just seconds ago. I nodded to her, sitting her in the chair I was in, grabbing her a damp rag and her clothes that had been dumped on the bed.

“But that’s only if you’re willing to answer some questions people ask.”

“I don’t care. As long as you’re okay with it then I am too.”

Shrugging, I cleaned her up, taking my time when I came to run the rag over her still hardened nipples and her cunt which still was glistening in the dim lights. Her chuckle brought me back to looking at her, speeding up the process before kissing her forehead.

“So,” I chuckled, “that song we recorded is getting released at midnight and you are going on tour with me. You think that’s enough confirmation from the both of us?”

“Oh definitely. If they need more, sucks to be them.”

“Okay, fair enough.”

“What are we gonna do? Put out a sex tape?”

“I mean…” I smirked softly, glancing at our phones on the bed, “we—,”

“Shut up, Ellie,” a giggle cut me off while her hand beckoned me over, “you get an hour and a half. Go crazy,” her legs spread open, the heaven’s calling my name as I stared down at her glistening core.

“You know me so well.”

#ellie williams imagine #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #x reader #reader insert #imagine #the last of us #the last of us p2 #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x f!reader #ellie williams smut #the last of us fanfic #ellie williams tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #the last of us fic #𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 ⋆˚✿˖°

[skzpvol]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ THE BRIGHTEST STAR - bang chan ࿐ྂ

pairing: nonidol!bang chan x gn!reader

genre: angst, no comfort (i warned you)

warning: mentions of suicide, cursing, the entire drabble is full of hurt

words: 0.8k

synopsis: Chan visits you again. What will you say to you this time?

a/n (1): this drabble is triggering, so please if you are sensitive to the warnings DO NOT read. Your health is my priority and remember that you are not alone, you will never be. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. English is not my first language, so tell me if I made some mistakes.

«hi my love, i’ve missed you. Do you remember what day is it? It’s our anniversary and I really can’t believe that we’ve come this far. The younger me would be so proud to hear I’ve been with the love of my life for six years now. And I would do anything to spend this special day with you. Actually I don’t really want to celebrate. It would be useless if I’m alone. 

«I bought your favorite flowers today. Hope you will appreciate them. Do you remember the first time I bought you flowers? They were roses and you were so scared to tell me you were allergic. I felt guilty but when I saw you laughing I thought it was all worthy. Even tho I tried to kill you, hearing and seeing your laugh for the first time was like being transported to heaven. I immediately felt lighter and happier. You’ve always made me the happiest. It’s a shame that happiness is gone now. But it’s not your fault, if anything it’s mine. 

«the boys miss you too. You know, one week ago we met all together for the first time after the accident and I tried, I tried so hard to distract myself. I did everything I could, they did everything, but it was all pointless. I told them I was fine, that I felt like I was already moving on, but they were all lies. I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be worried. They’ve already suffered enough and I don’t to be another burden. 

«I wrote you a song. Yes, another one. It seems like you are still my biggest inspiration. I really want to sing it to you, but it’s not finished yet. You need to wait just a little more. I promise you, the next time I’ll come with the lyrics. Just wait for me. 

«why y/n? Why did you do this to me? Was I not enough? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me? Why? Why did you not search for help? I would have been there. I would have listened to each of your worries. I would have stayed with you. I would have told you that everything was going to be okay, that you were not alone. So why did you never told me how you were really feeling? Fuck- why? I know that it’s anyone fault, but I feel like I’m the only culprit. I know that i should not be mad at you, but I am. I’m madly angry. I wanna scream, cry and at the same time let everything go. But you will still not come back to me. So why should I try anyway?

«I’ve always seen suicide like a way to die for cowards. I’ve always thought that people who chose it were selfish. But who am I to think about it like that now, if I wasn’t even capable of helping you? I’m the real selfish because in 6 fucking years I wasn’t be able to look into you, to look through you. You were suffering and I didn’t do anything. I tried to blame you when you told me you needed me, so who am I to fucking say you are the selfish one? I’m a mess. I’m a disaster. 

«the last time I saw you, you were happier. I remember that I even asked you why. You just told me “today is a beautiful day” and before I left you said “I love you, always will” for the last time. If I only knew. I read somewhere that a star burns brightest in its final moments and I get it now. Every time I look at the sky I always wonder if you are finally happy. When I look at the glowing stars I always think it’s your way to tell me that you are there. You are there and you are okay. You are protecting me. 

«I cry. A lot. Even now, I can’t stop crying. The guilt it’s really hard to bear. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgust towards myself. And you would probably be disappointed too if you saw me like this. You want me to be happy, but I can’t. Not without you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t look out for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I’m sorry that i was the worst boyfriend you could ever ask for. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. 

«will I ever be able to see you again? I really hope so. But I’ll make sure to look at the sky every single night and look out for the brightest star. Because you are there, aren’t you? 

«please wait for me, I still have to sing you a song. You will be proud of me, I promise.

a/n (2): hiii, how are you? I’m finally on school break! Sorry if I’m being inactive BUT, apart from school that is really stressing me out, I’m working on a bunch of things (a long ass fic and a smau :)) ). I probably already said this, BUT I’M GOING TO SEE MY STRAY KIDS IN JULY AFTER TWO YEARS, AND I’M THE HAPPIEST. I cannot really wait. Btw, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. I also ask you to like it and tell me your opinion about this to help me to improve. Have a good day / night 🫶🏻

#bang chan #bang chris #skz angst #han jisung #hwang hyunjin #i.n fluff #lee know #kim seungmin #lee minho #stray kids fic #bang chan x reader #bang chan x you #bang chan angst #han jisung angst #hyunjin angst #skz x reader #skz scenarios #stray kids x reader #changbin angst #lee know angst #lee felix angst #seungmin angst #yang jeongin angst #stray kids angst #stray kids anniversary

[sweetie-peaches]

Constantly thinking of soulfire, they where everything to me, the way the base felt so cozy and warm after all the disasters was so :[

And I do wonder what would have happened if tubbo didn't keep as tight a hold on bad, if he let his honor slip even a bit, but I think that's the beauty of his character. He never let his honor go.

Despite the death, despite the others wanting to destroy it all, tubbo was always there for moral and to keep the others honorable (well most of the time-)

Bad was the ruthlessness they needed, Tina was the engine keeping it running, and tubbo made sure they kept up their spirits despite it all...

Wish it hadn't ended on a kinda anticlimactic one v one tho like...the whole point was team events...why a one v one...

Anon kissing you on the lips rn

I was talking about this on twitter. But I think that the soulfire base was such an aid to them psychologically. Because it forced them into proximity with each other, and was a shelter from the chaos outside. It was a support. I could write essaysssss

Anyway, tubbo’s honor is such a fascinating topic. Especially his morality, he wants things to be fair, for it to be a good fight in the end. I’ve been rewatching Alta recently but the fire nation’s idea of honor fits tubbos ideals as well, though he has the morality of airbenders. In most cases tubbo would want a fair fight that he knows he has a high chance of losing then a fight where he betrays his own moral code to win.

At his core I think tubbo is a diplomat, but if fighting is necessary he wants it to be fair. But that doesn’t mean he won’t do what it takes to end up victorious

And he tries his best to hold to these morals, and holds his team to them as well, for better then worse in some cases.(Aside from the obvious moments)

bad balanced out tubbo’s honor perfectly with his ruthlessness. And throughout purgatory they were such opposites that worked so well. Tubbo sat back and was careful, bad was reckless.

And bad was loud Bolas was so afraid him because he didn’t care for the blood on his hands. He attacked quickly and fast. It let tubbo hide behind him, make himself seem like someone who was just holding the leash. But remove bad and tubbo was just as much as a threat.

And then Tina played support amazingly. First off the tea strat which was just. Wow. Secondly, even if she wasn’t best at pvp she still but in so much work at ‘home’ that made her so so vital to the team. She also provided vital morale support that soulfire would be nothing without.

And I know this ask didn’t talk about him but I think Pierre’s mindset was interesting as well during purgatory. How he was sort of a loose canon.

He was a big leg up in the game because of his experience with games like purgatory before. But as seen with the ggn elimination day is quick to turn on his team when his ideals start to turn from his own.

I’ve talked about how soulfire became a whole unit before but I have to repeat again. They were a unit. Tubbo was held with such respect by his teammates and in turn they held respect for him as a leader, or “coach”

And then purgatory 2 was so different and it’s just so cool

(As for the ending,,, yeah. I won’t say anything on that but. Just. Yeah. I think there was a lot of things went into that that it’s just a whole god damn mess lol)

#peaches posts #purgatory was flawed but god I love it #qsmp qosts #qsmp #qsmp tubbo #qsmpblr #tubbo #qsmp purgatory #qsmp blue team #qsmp pierre #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp tina

[underfart-snas]

i’m going to preface this by saying this will be hard to read. for those who have had to deal with a lot of familial trauma, csa, and various other things really. you’re being warned now.

it is not anything fun, light, or happy.  i will not answer questions from anyone. i will not stop people from their comments or tags but i will not look at opinions or attempt to change them. good or bad, i’m too tired to change anyone’s minds or matters on the subject. while i am regretful and sorry for many things, i know this won’t change much.

i’m not looking for forgiveness. i'm looking for closure.

i will not argue on how i’m a good person, or how any behavior in the past was justifiable or right. it was wrong. i still fuck up to this day trying to be human. at this point, all i want is to speak up about what i had to go through and why things ended the way they did with hopefully a more clear sense of perspective as to why i made what i did. and then i would like to move on.

flowerfell ended in disaster from all sides. a story i, the friends i made along with it and worked deeply with during it all, held very dear for our own reasons. be it to express the hardship of survival, to cope with the progression of loss, or having hope in finding small things to live for and learning to find love in friendships, family or otherwise that we couldn’t have in life. it was a big story for everyone, and i understand not everyone got the message. people have not been kind. i’ve seen equal sides of good and bad come from it.

i won’t argue about the shipping aspects. people are right in believing i liked what i liked, and whether or not they hated that was up to them. i had my personal reasons and i never intended for it to be a malicious thing, but i understand people’s headstrong thoughts on the canons or otherwise. I didn't like to go out of my way to shove it in people's faces, which is why i scrapped later stories that were pressured to be frans related and instead made them into personal characters.

it’s fucked up seeing people get chased and hurt over fictional things. things that aren’t physically harming anyone, at least when they’re contained properly. things you shouldn’t be actively looking for if you don’t like it. things that people may actually be doing to cope with their own trauma. i watch so many people looking for hate, or reasons to be angry. i think that adds to much sadness overall. i can’t say much for those who don’t go about tagging things properly for those who don’t want to see things other than "please work on that."

when i played undertale, i lived vicariously through frisk as i played. they were quite frankly, a blank slate. i was able to self-insert in a way. due to story aspects, i felt the monsters were like... old old. like ancient beings that lived lives unfathomably long beyond the human lifespan. beyond the passage of time.

i fell in love with characters and aspects and ideas it gave. i fell in love with it’s world, the possibility of other worlds like it, and exciting wacky hijinks. i took interest in others making au's and thought about how i could make my own. what my own life lacked or couldn’t give me. the family and friends i found through it. 

toby really kicked everyone’s ass with this one, and i hope he does it again and again. and i pray he continues to succeed. because he made something beautiful.

now for what i had to deal with, during the failed attempt of making my story…

i have had to process a lot of neglect from family and home in recent years. though i’m older now, it still hurts. things still linger and sting harder than they should. they say it gets better but it really sticks and comes back in many ways that make life so much harder than it should be. it’s only made harder when people want you to be better, but it takes time to get there. sometimes people can't be with each other because of it, which is something i've had to learn over and over again. it takes so much time and it takes it away from everything you hope can be good and great in your life.

growing up was a nightmare. i’ve had to grow up with abandonment from my mom. neglect from my dad. i've had to deal with them trying to reach back out and my feelings on whether or not it's deserved. or if i'm even ready to handle it yet. many times i'm not.

i’ve had to deal with surgery to fix my body from disgusting and life ending deformation as a toddler which still leaves scars on my body today. my family has told me i’m lucky to even be alive. sometimes i almost wish it took me, because the world is cruel. but at the same time, i want to live so, so badly.

i’ve had to deal with manipulation and rape from someone almost ten years older than me in household when i was just a child. from five to nine. threats of being compliant and not to speak up or else my life was in danger. being physically trapped for hours while my body was a tool. later this fell onto another child of a caretaker for my sister, which is the only reason i got away from it. so i never got the chance to speak up myself and that effects me to this day. i was told years later this same thing happened to my older, severely autistic sister prior. someone who literally cannot verbally communicate or function without help from another. my grandmother telling me she left before because my father didn’t believe her. this all meaning, this is something that could have never happened.

i've had to handle my grandmother’s physical and verbal abuse for the rest of the those years after she came back to take care of my sister. my sister didn't escape abuse either. i would be stuck listening to her convince me as i got older and barely making it out of school that wouldn’t ever survive on my own. that i would never make it. that i would never find love. that i’d be eating fucking “saltines and ketchup” on the streets. i’ve had to deal with eating disorder because of her and various other disgusting shit i don’t want to add that the fear had made me succumb to. i didn’t leave my room for days at a time unless i was forced to. i didn’t sleep properly, to the point of passing out for minutes at a time. anyone who used to come to streams would know, i used to fall asleep while drawing with my brother. in many ways, my grandmother has made me so functionally stagnant, which is so hard to combat now.

cutting out all the general silliness and nonsense i would make just to smile once in a while, my art and flowerfell was an escape for me. it was a way to express my pain and hope that there was some sort of out. that there were friends to be made and love to be had. family to be found. that if you’re strong enough maybe you can be redeemable and make it to the end. frisk was hope. sans was strength. and all of the friends they were supposed to make along the way were support.

but at the same time, i clearly wasn’t able to handle the scale of what it became. i wasn’t ready for the crowd, i wasn’t ready to make a coherent and straight story, and was too giving and lenient. i wasn't ready for the "godlihood" people were pressing on me when i was just a normal person. it made making real friends a hassle. i didn't know who was honest or using me. many people have used me.

i was scared after it fell apart and got toxic. that people can take and twist and hate no matter how hard you try. i didn’t understand a lot of things back then or how to defend myself. i didn't understand how to combat theft, i didn't understand fiction kin, i didn't understand self care or boundaries for others and myself. i didn't understand a lot of things. i try really hard to understand now.

for all intents and purposes, it was getting septic. i was getting septic at that time and for some time after. and because of that i lost not only my story, but my friends and my sanity. i wasn’t able to keep it together for them or myself. i was hurt and hurting others by proxy. and i am so sorry for it. all of it.

i was only saved by finally being taken away from home by someone who actually took a chance on me. someone who made time for me even when i was getting reclusive. someone who loves me through all of that even if i hurt them terribly in the process, and may even still in all the faults i'm working on. despite everything, they're still with me today.

to this day i find flowerfell hard to look at without feeling various stages of grief. i have many degrees of anger and sadness, at times hopeless acceptance. not necessarily towards anyone anymore, but that i was unable to finish it. or felt i was unable to. that i'm unable to surpass it. that i was so fearful of loss and parts of myself being taken away when i already felt i had so little. how it blinded me to what good i had at so many times. how it’s destroyed my ability to create and fall in love with characters i like or make, and their worlds. no matter how hard i try now. that it’s taken my ability to trust, communicate, and form steady relationships with people. how it effects even those who have stayed and try so hard. that it’s taken my ability to share and feel safe doing so. even with people i'm close with today.

even situations on how helpful it’s been for people over the years, and deeper connections to self or others they’ve found in the progression of time because of it. i’m not unhappy for those who have, i’m grateful that people have found their hearts in it. it was made with unfathomable love and there’s incredible pain on having given up continuing what could have been more. what else people could have connected with or felt. there was so much i didn’t get to share, and got too angry and scared to give.

i grew to believe people didn’t deserve it anymore because of what i and my friends at the time were going through. i no longer wanted to feel hurt. i no longer wanted my friends to be hurt. and i violently took it away into myself, which has hurt me even more over the years.

i want to believe people would have liked the ending, and anything that would come after that. it was going to have a good ending.

later i would find the fear of parts being taken would be connected to discovering plurality in myself, and recently finding out in therapy i’m probably not too separated from my sister in being on the spectrum, adding to all of that and more. i’d have to process that feelings became separated and another struggle to deal with. that i was dissociating from everything so hard these feelings are expressed as their own apart from me, but still with me. that this was my way of not being alone with what i had. it is not a kind thing. while they're like family to me, it is also a cage.

it would take me years to actually discover what this was properly, having to go through a whole ordeal of manipulation and problems from that alone. i would have to deal with them also being stolen and taken advantage of due to complacency and misunderstanding. which has made every bit of fear with what came before twice as difficult. however, i've also had good people along the way, and i hope they stay with me for a very long time.

because of this i’ve learned a lot about systems and kinships and reasons why these exist. how these things can make people feel at home. i have changed a lot of views on it and how these things help people, even if they’re strange at times… i’m not mad about it anymore. if it helps people it helps people. other people are trying to survive too. i just ask people be respectful about it.

i don’t hate fanart or others trying to make stories anymore. as someone who struggles now with even a fraction of creating any amount of work i used to, i’m more glad than not that it’s encouraging people to improve and move forward. but i won’t ever accept discredit because at the root it is mine still. i made this for myself before i made it for others. it will always be a part of me, even if painful now.

i’m just tired. i’m tired and i hope over time i’ll be able to rest.

sigh.

to kaze, your document is faithful and i won’t argue that any of it is wrong or malicious. there was a lot missing from that video that could and should have been added. it wasn't just about shipping, but a lot more. i hope people will leave you and others alone about flowerfell and ship nonsense at the end of the day. especially when your stories were wonderful and aren’t hurting anyone. while we’re not on good terms, i do wish them a very "fuck off and move on."

however, i will not accept the statement that you were helpful to my mental health, or to others involved to begin with. trying to be, maybe, but it faltered.

apart from encouraging anger towards the fanbase either on my or by your own hands, flipping the switch between telling me to keep going and giving up. you fully took advantage of the complacency i had to go through at home to survive and had to unlearn for many years prior. you weaponized your problems at home onto us. this compiled everything, probably for both of us. this would only continue on to my system in many ways.

you actively encouraged suicidal behavior within the group, provoking my brother into a pact at his lowest. you took advantage of me and my brother mentally and sexually. knowing full well of our issues and my own csa, you still crossed lines. doing or sharing things without warning or prior consent and conversation, at times even within public groups. fighting back or saying something about these things were difficult because everyone was sensitive at the time. even if things were jokes at times, it didn't always come across that way.

i watched blind fight so hard for you in many ways even when they were struggling so badly with their own physical health, even staying in the end. i don't know if they're doing well or are still there now which is another string of worries.

what hurt the most is that for years you blamed me for an attempt because i “didn’t love you enough to talk to you or be honest” and held it over my head instead of explaining until the very last second before i left that it was because of home. you continued to comment in ways up until that point, then deleting things as if i couldn’t see logs. every single day i thought you were going to just be gone in an instant without warning. that i and others would lose one of our best friends. i grew so afraid of talking to you because of this. i was scared to hurt people more in anger of that. it is still something that terrifies me to this day.

flowerfell wasn’t the break of our friendship, it was the inability to handle the weight of taking care of someone who was unwilling to work on themself on top of all of that, while being unable to take care of myself at the same time. not being enough. that nothing of what little i could give would ever fix what was happening, and that i was being used as an escape method. much like my brother was. we weren’t good for each other anymore. and while i wanted to keep holding on, many people told me i had to let go and they were right. i'm sorry that it wasn't completely by my own voice that i let go.

i don’t even hate you anymore, if i even ever really did to begin with. the most i get is mad and i may say the word "hate" in anger, and that is entirely my own fault for checking in once in a while to see if you’re still breathing or getting better. because i cared a long fucking time and i think parts of me still do. i can’t say there weren’t fond memories or good times and i still have gifts i won’t throw away. and i won’t discredit that i do see you trying really hard for yourself now, which is a hopeful feeling and all i and others ever wanted. even if we may never speak directly again, because i don’t think that would be good for either of us, i hope it keeps going well.

but i don’t think you have the right to say i’m a bad person as if you weren’t just as bad yourself. you effected me and others just as badly.

we don't have to forgive each other. but i do hope, after a long time, we can forgive ourselves.

-

just a last little edit:

before you start congratulating someone who added to the entire severity of literally everything, understand this:

we were not driven by her or her alone. this is not her fucking win. this is the result of friends and good people saying we should speak up and needed to be heard for years. this is because we have support we actually feel safe with and finally decided we're fucking tired. we didn’t speak simply because she put out some silly little document. she only added to the fucking misery that everyone else has brought on about this! 

this is for ourselves!! thanks! and goodbye! - =D

#flowerfell #flowerfell au #frans #tw csa

[solsays]

Secret life spoilers//

I’ve seen people saying that Scar is the earth and others saying scar is the eclipse and here are my thoughts on it because holy shit was that an ending

i like the eclipse thing, but here’s the thing: Grian never directly helped scar. He took thirty-five hearts off Gem, yeah, but I know that Impulse and Scott accidentally hit her a couple times in that chaos too. This is one of the first seasons they’ve not had any sort of alliance/enemy thing, and honestly they didn’t interact a ton. While I love the idea in concept, i also feel like it’s good to separate Scar as his own character rather than just as on half of desertduo (this isn’t to say I don’t adore desertduo, i do, i just think a lot of times they’re lumped together and it’s often all they are seen for but their characters are so much more in depth)

and the Pearl thing is cool, the moon helping him to the end. She never really fought back, either

the cool part about the eclipse is the hiding of scar’s dark side. He’s bright and welcoming and friendly, until he’s not. Then it’s any man’s game, and he will not hesitate to slaughter someone in his path.

but here’s my thoughts on the earth

scar tried to be good. He tried, he wanted desperately to be kind and good and everything he saw others as. But the secret keeper wrote him a villain, and he ended up taking on that role. He simply wanted to grow beauty, to provide for others, but in the end outside forces caused him to falter. Earth tries to grow, but is wracked by natural disasters out of its control that cause it to fracture. It eventually turns on the very things it once sought to bring life to, playing all cards until you realize it was never playing any at all, like a fire; it warms, but can burn and destroy if pushed too far. Merely biding time, like an earthquake or a volcano. The warning tremors before the culmination.

but after it all, he was still kind. He was still good, despite it all. He died thanking those who helped him to where he was; he refused to kill Pearl even when she begged him to take her life for the bonus hearts. He had no alliances, but he certainly had friends. he never did quite know how to be alone. He didn’t even realize he won until he was told “she’s dead Scar. You won”. He was told by the sun, like the dawn, that the moon who he kept in his orbit was gone. And his first thought was “how did the guy with no friends win?” because in the end, earth is a lover, not a fighter.

i saw someone else say the earth is lonely as well, as the only planet with such a massive span of life. It’s constantly with things, but remains alone, separate by circumstance, which I think is a really fucking awesome point too :) feel free to disagree, I’m just saying earth is my vote (also the motif of flowers in his skins this season—sunflowers, poppies, lilacs)

#Both of them are cool #I just like to introspect onto scar’s character because GOD #He is such an amazing well-constructed character #goodtimeswithscar #you can’t escape the goodtimes #you are not immune to the goodtimes #life series #traffic smp #traffic series #traffic spoilers #secret life smp #secret life #secret life spoilers #secret life finale #gtwscar #gtws #gtws hermitcraft #third life series #third life smp #last life smp #double life smp #limited life smp #trafficblr

[andreafmn]

Speak | Chapter 6

Word Count: 3.7K

Story Description: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf.

Chapter: 6/?

A/N: Alright, alright, here it finally is. The next part of Speak, a story I never thought people would enjoy so much. It still surprises me every time I get a message or a comment about it. Just glad y'all are enjoying it! My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing🥺👉👈. Hope you enjoy, and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 6

It was hard for (Y/N) to focus on the moment for the rest of the night. Her mind kept replaying those few minutes of kindness Paul, a complete stranger, had given her. She couldn’t fathom how someone she had seen only from afar, someone she only knew by name, had somehow seen into her heart better than the boy who had known her most of her life. It was unexpected, thrilling, and just a tad bit terrifying.

She didn’t understand why she felt a strong pull toward him. There she was, in the arms of the person she had pined over from the moment she knew what attraction was, and her mind kept straying to the guy that had gotten her the dream catcher that was hidden in the cruiser like a dirty secret.

The piece felt nothing as such. It was thoughtful and beautiful, and the way it made her chest flutter signified a deeper meaning she could not dig out. There was no reason for her heart to react that way to him. She shouldn’t have wanted to feel his warm skin wrapped around her again, shouldn’t have wanted to inhale his scent or feel his arms against her, not even to see his bright smile once more.

Yet, that’s all she could think of as she helped clean up the night’s festivities. The way he called her name, the way his eyes lit up as she thanked him, the picturesque way his tan skin looked against the snow. And his smile. She could not get the image of his smile out of her head.

“Wait, (Y/N),” Jake called out to the girl as she followed their fathers out the door. His voice broke her out of her trance, a red hue taking over her cheeks. “Could you give this to Bella?”

He handed her a bag, much like the one she was already holding. But this one was beautiful — shiny red with a silver ribbon. It wasn’t crumbled or bent and looked like he’d put a lot of time and care into it. And it was just the bag.

“Is this another candle?” (Y/N) joked, trying her best to hide her disappointment.

“Uh, something like that,” he replied. “It’s just something I’ve had laying around and thought it might cheer Bella up. So, can you please get it to her?”

“Sure, of course. What is it anyway?”

“It’s nothing really,” he chuckled. “Looks like your dad’s ready to go.”

He pointed at Charlie who was glaring at them from the cruiser. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was downturned in an annoyed scowl. The man motioned at his daughter to hurry, his patience growing thin as his eyes followed the hand of the boy on the low of her back. Jake instantly retrieved his arm, flinching as if he’d burned himself with the touch.

“I should…”

“Yeah, you should go.” He bent down to give her a kiss, but she turned her head, his lips pressing onto her cheek. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” she smiled forcefully. “See you.”

(Y/N) was quiet on the ride home. Bella’s gift bag was guarded in her hands, her fingers playing with the delicate ribbon. It took everything in her not to peek into the bag, to see just how much Jake loved Bella over her.

“You okay, kiddo?” Charlie broke the silence as they pulled into the driveway. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Just tired,” she smiled reassuringly. “I might love Christmas but it’s an unbelievably draining holiday.”

“Well, why don’t you head up to bed and I’ll put away the food?”

“You sure?”

“I can manage a few leftovers, (Y/N),” he chuckled. “Now, go on.”

“Well, good night, dad. And merry Christmas.”

“You too, kiddo.”

The girl hurried into the house, snow melting onto her clothes as she sped in. She held three things in her hands – Jake’s two gift bags and the box that stored the dreamcatcher. She had inconspicuously dug it from under her chair without drawing any attention to it from Charlie. She did not have the energy to explain where it had come from.

When she made it up the stairs, before going into her room, she stopped by Bella’s. The gift in her hand burned a hole in her heart that she quickly tried to smother by justifying why her sister’s gift could be better. Her older sister had been here for a long time now, it was more than likely that he’d bought her gift some time ago.

“Hey, the sweater looks good on you,” (Y/N) called out to her sister. The girl had changed from her black zip-up hoodie to the light grey sweater she had gotten that morning from (Y/N). “Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” Bella sighed. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“Uh, yes. But we missed you there.” After she was met with silence, (Y/N) continued. “And, uh, Jake got this for you. He asked me to bring it.”

“Thanks,” was all Bella mumbled before grabbing the red bag.

After another silent moment, (Y/N) took this as a sign that her sister wanted her to leave. A sign she very much obliged to. She didn’t want to know what her boyfriend had gotten her sister that could be lighter than a candle but still warranted a bag. She would continue to be in denial that Jake would always have stronger feelings for Bella.

At the end of the day, she was his girlfriend, she told herself. No matter how long Jacob had pined for Bella, no matter how in love with her she knew he was, he was her boyfriend. (Y/N) was the one that got to kiss him, the one that got to hold him, the one that would be told those three words she already felt for him.

He had chosen her, and that was enough.

At least, it should have been enough.

But as she carefully unpacked the dreamcatcher Paul had gifted her and hung it above the bed, she wondered just how much Jake truly cared for her and how much she cared for him. She had been in love with him since she understood what it was to like someone. He’s always made her stomach flutter and her heart feel warm. And she had finally gotten everything she wanted with him.

Yet, she could not help the warmth that took over her when she thought of Paul, the boy she only knew by name and a short conversation. There had also been that dream. The image she could not shake from her head because it had felt real. Too real.

She had felt the love she had spoken of. After hugging him that night, she knew she had felt the same thing in her slumber. His arms wrapped around her, the warmth of his skin, the sound of his quickened heartbeat. She had felt it all inside her head.

But how could she be thinking of Paul if she loved Jacob? How could any ounce of her brain hold the image of someone she did not know? As she lay in bed, staring at her ceiling, waiting for sleep to overtake her, she thought. Maybe it was a fluke. A glitch in her head that would be corrected the next time she was with Jake. Because that was what she needed Paul to be, a simple accident.

She was laying on the grass in the clearing she knew. The wind was whistling softly, caressing her face gently. The sun warmed her body as it seeped through the trees. She was comfortable, and she felt happy.

Of course, she wasn’t alone.

Centimeters from her face was Paul’s. Their noses were so close she could feel the blow of his breath on her skin. He’d placed a hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking gingerly the length of her cheekbone. It was a touch (Y/N) couldn’t help but lean into, her eyes closing as she enjoyed the moment.

“You’re breathtaking,” Paul whispered as his fingers moved to trace the features of her face. “Absolutely enchanting.”

“You’re just saying that,” she chuckled. Her eyes were still closed as her stomach fluttered at the ghostly touch of his hand.

“It’s true,” he smiled as his thumb traced her bottom lip. “The most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

A deep red hue took over her cheeks, a warmth she tried hiding by lowering her head. Though it was a futile attempt as Paul placed a hand under her chin and forced her to look into his eyes. He smiled at her before placing his lips on hers. It was comforting and kind, and it all felt real.

“You speak like a man in love,” she chuckled, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled brightly. “Is that what you are, Paul Lahote? A man in love?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“There was a moment you weren’t.”

“Really?” he laughed. “I don’t remember that.”

“Well, it wasn’t too long ago, you know.”

“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you my whole life,” he smiled. “I just needed some time to catch up. Because I love you, (Y/N) Swan. Always have.”

“So do I, Paul. Today, tomorrow, and every day after.”

She was startled awake by the sound of her phone ringing, and for a second she was disappointed. She was enjoying the dream. She loved and she felt loved. She seemed happy and lively. Her dream self looked like everything she aspired to be.

Her heart was beating fast. In part from the phone, but mostly because of the dream she had just woken from. Once more, Paul had sneaked his way into her head.

“Hey, Jake,” she croaked out. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, did I wake you?”

“No, no. It’s fine,” she chuckled. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to chat,” he responded. “Did you give Bella the gift?”

“Yeah.”

“What’d she say?”

(Y/N) swallowed an annoyed sigh. “Nothing yet,” she responded instead. “She was asleep when we got home, so I just left it on her bedside table with a note.”

“Oh, okay,” he said. “Sorry about the candle, by the way. I really didn’t have any time to get anything good but I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s okay, Jake,” she said as she ran her fingers across the dream catcher. “I do have a question for you, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

“What is it?”

“What can you tell me about that guy, uh, Paul?”

Jacob kept quiet for a moment, probably wondering where the question could have come from.  “Why?” he answered. “Did something happen?”

“No, everything’s fine. It’s just I was curious about him,” she lied. “Ever since he showed up to confront you, I’ve been wondering who he is.”

“Well, he’s a short-tempered, cocky guy that thinks he’s the center of attention,” Jacob grumbled. “He’s annoying and overbearing. There were rumors that he used to sleep around before he joined Sam’s gang. Paul Lahote is just a truly awful guy.”

“Oh,” she replied. Everything he had said felt nothing like the Paul that had given her the gift she inspected with her hand. He’d seemed thoughtful and caring, kind and compassionate. But those were merely her assumptions. She’d never met him before then. “He sounds like an awful guy.”

“He is, and I’m telling you, stay away from him.” (Y/N) could hear the seriousness in his voice. Yet, everything inside her screamed that it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. “He’s the type of guy that will use you and break your heart. Seriously, (Y/N), stay away.”

“I will. I promise,” she said, still lying through her teeth. “I just wanted t know who we’re up against if he keeps showing up.”

“Alright,” he chuckled. “So, we’re having a bonfire next week for New Year’s Eve. Wanna come down?”

“Yeah, sounds perfect.”

“Check to see if Bella’s up for it. It’d be good for her to leave the house.”

Of course, she thought. Inviting Bella was always close behind whenever Jake planned anything between them. “Sure,” she said. “I’ll see if she wants to go.”

“Alright, then,” he chuckled. “I’ll see you soon, beautiful. Good night.”

“Night, Jake.”

(Y/N) kept replaying in her head like an unhealthy mantra that Jacob had chosen her. Regardless of his feelings — past feelings — for Bella, he had asked her to be his girlfriend. That was enough for her. It just had to be enough. 

***

”So, you just walked up to Jake’s house  and gave her the gift?” Jared questioned as he nibbled on a chocolate chip muffin. “That’s just weird, dude.”

“I don’t know. It seemed right at the moment,” Paul exasperated. “I just couldn’t keep it at home like a freaking hoarder.”

“So, instead you went to her boyfriend’s house, who you detest, hoping she was there. Then, you gave her a gift. You, a complete stranger. Downright stalker-ish, man.”

“Well, whatever. She liked it, so.”

“You know, it doesn’t sound like your plan to stay away is actually working out,” his friend chuckled. Paul could only respond with a menacing stare. Jared was only speaking the truth. “Seemed like that imprint bond is too hard to shake, huh?”

“You have no idea,” he sighed, slumping onto the sofa. “I just… ugh!”

“Why don’t you just talk to her already? If it makes you this miserable,” Jared groaned. “I honestly am starting to miss your angry outbursts rather than these mopey ones.”

“Not as tired as I am. But that’s the way it’s gonna be.”

Paul couldn’t admit that he felt something for the girl. Not only was she with a guy he despised, but she was the sister of a bloodsucker sympathizer — it wouldn’t shock him if she became one too. Yet, those weren’t the real reasons he wanted to avoid her. He couldn’t bring himself to introduce her to his world.

He’d been forced into the supernatural. Something in his genetics decided he’d be the town’s protectant. And, sure, he liked being stronger, faster, and supernaturally enhanced. But he couldn’t impose that onto anyone else. He couldn’t expose her to this life and make her keep it a secret from everyone around her. It simply wasn’t fair.

So, he’d continue forcing the first two excuses. To protect her and protect himself. He didn’t know her and he would keep it that way. Even if his wolf had other ideas.

He couldn’t stop his head from flashing the image of her. He couldn’t stop feeling her smaller arms around him, the sweet smell of her perfume, the fast beating of her heart, the warm feeling of her skin. And he couldn’t stop hoping it happened again.

“But wouldn’t it feel great to steal her from Jake?” Jared teased. “Scratch that, I know you’d love it. Mind link and everything.”

“Oh, shut up, Jared,” he grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest. “It’s not gonna happen. So, just drop it.”

“Look, man, it won’t kill you to tell her,” his friend continued. “Look at Kim and me. I would have never had her with me had I been scared of this whole thing.”

“Yeah, and look at Leah, Emily, and Sam,” he responded in a hushed voice. “That turned out so well.”

“Technically, it did,” he retorted. “Sam and Emily are happy together. Sure they went through a lot of shit and people got hurt, but they’re happy nonetheless. And I’m sure you want that for yourself.”

 “Look, if it will shut you up, I’ll invite her to the New Year’s Eve bonfire,” he finally relented. “And she’ll probably be freaked out because a complete stranger is asking her out. Oh, and she already had a boyfriend. That’s gonna end so well for me.”

“You never know unless you try, Pauly boy,” Jared joked. “Look, I bet that she’ll say yes. You have a whole week to convince her.”

“What do I get if you lose?”

“I’ll do three of your patrols the week after.”

Paul pretended to think about it, playing into Jared’s gambling personality. But he already knew the outcome. He knew who (Y/N) would be going to the bonfire with, much to his dismay. “Alright,” he grinned. “It’s a bet. What do you want if you win?”

“Same thing. Could use some free time, honestly.”

“Alright then, the loser has to do three patrols for the winner,” he smiled deviously. “It’s a bet.”

And as much as he wanted to relish in his sure win, he was dreading having to actually interact with (Y/N). How could he show up, out of the blue, and try to spend time with her? They didn’t know each other and he’d already done some things that did not paint him in the best light. Worst case scenario, she already thought he was a creep. Regardless, he’d made a bet and he was going to see it through.

***

Jake was confused. Completely and utterly confused.

In the beginning, he was sure of what he was doing. Albeit a bad thing, he did it regardless. He was using (Y/N) as a way to make Bella jealous. To show her just how good of a boyfriend he could be in an effort to sway her heart in his direction. He wanted to help her forget all about Edward and his family.

He didn’t want (Y/N) in the crossfire. He didn’t even know she would be coming to Forks, much less staying indefinitely. But when she showed up at his house, he knew she would be a good piece to play in his game.

Jake had known that the girl had been crushing on him for as long as he’d fallen for Bella. She had not been the most subtle person with her feelings. He also knew of the underlying rivalry the sisters had. It wasn’t hard to notice which of the two was always favored by the parents, as horrible as it may sound. So, he thought if Bella saw how happy he could make her sister, she’d come running into his arms.

Deep down, Jacob knew what he was doing was horrible. He was knowingly going to break his friend’s heart in the hopes that her sister would fall for him. It was awful and calculated, but it was the only way he thought would be fruitful for him.

What he wasn’t expecting was to grow feelings for the girl. Though they were small and paled in comparison to what he felt for Bella, they were there. Especially after he’d caught Paul Lahote staring at her and after he told him to back off. He felt angry and possessive over (Y/N). Feelings he thought were reserved for Bella.

Yet, he couldn’t help the burning ire that overtook him when the guy had shown up at his front door. It had prompted him to ask (Y/N) to be his girlfriend, something he had not planned to do before the encounter. But the mere thought of having something over Lahote was enough to make him act irrationally.

Jacob did care for her, and everything he was doing had started to eat at his thoughts. But the knowledge of what could be waiting on the other side of this whole ordeal was far greater than any regret he felt. (Y/N) would soon enough move on from him, and he could have everything he wanted.

“Jake, my boy,” Billy called out to his son after they finished cleaning that Christmas night. “You and I gotta have a serious talk.”

With evident worry on his face, Jake joined his father in the living room. He sat on the couch across from Billy, wondering just what they needed to speak of. “What’s up, dad?” he asked. “Something wrong?”

“What’re your intentions with (Y/N), son? Last time I checked you were head over heels for her sister.”

“I don’t know, dad. I just like her, I guess,” he scrambled a response. His father had always been observant and wise beyond his years. Almost nothing could get past him. “It’s still very new, so I guess I’m just seeing where it goes.”

“Now, you know how much I care for that girl,” Billy continued. His tone felt almost like a scolding to Jake. “If you’re not sure about your feelings for her, you better let her know. She deserves better than to have you lead her on, kid.”

“I know, dad,” Jake grumbled. “It’s not what I’m doing. We literally have only been together a couple of weeks.”

“As long as you are aware of what you are doing, son. (Y/N) seems strong, but she has a gentle heart. I would hate to see my own child break it.” The cadence of his voice carried a soft tone that felt threatening, seeping into Jake’s bones. His face was stoic, and the boy could tell his father was serious. “That girl is overlooked enough as it is. Charlie is my friend and I care for him, but he’s never noticed how little attention he’s paid (Y/N) over the years. And so has Renée. Now, I won’t have my own son do the same to her. So, you need to decide whether or not your feelings for her are strong enough to get you over Bella. If not, it’s better to let her down gently now than when she falls in love with you. Do you understand me, Jake?”

“Yes, dad,” Jacob sighed. “I promise I’ll get my head in order.”

“Alright then, son.”

Billy turned his attention to the tv, some football highlights lighting the screen, as Jacob left for his room with his head hung low. The boy knew the weight of his father’s words. He understood that everything he was doing will ultimately hurt someone. Someone who didn’t deserve that pain.

Yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to tell the truth. That whatever spark of feelings that had ignited in him for (Y/N) was not strong enough to ever put out the fire that burned in him for her older sister. So, if he had to hurt the younger Swan in order to get Bella, he would. Every single time he would choose Isabella Swan.

Taglist: @winter-soldier-101@zheezs14 @a-sifu-hotman @sunflowerleii @DyslexicCatterpillar @Blackbluerose666 @slutforsainz @kortniec696 @xcastawayherosx@minhaimaginacao @bluebirbnamedJay @sirenheadenby@andreiaafaria@bluetreecloud20 @valejewel @nogitsune-the @user0ur0mom@skyesthebomb @swidkid @avis15 @honeylovemoon@wonieeee @edwardssugarmommy @nyenye@sugajar @lovel-blog @witchofhawkins @Six-Call @then-worship-at-my-altar@ems-alexandra @blueshoelacess @Nyctophilia710 @rosalie-whitlock @nocturnalherb16 @this-is-a-bad-idea@esposadomd @locokoca@volturiwolf@spookyqueen@gh0stgirl33@catgirlpwr @nolaxox @klf1999@krazyk99@ilikepunsbeth@adaydreamaway08@cinffy23 @paodemorangol1l1 @hufflepuffobsessedwithmarvel@toomanythoughts33@jrosefangirl@queereddie @Missvicious @sugasthreedollarkookie @laylaskywalker @fandomonetwo@fruitylilfuck @a-slut-for-Loki-Bucky @honeywxter @haroldpotterson @justamessandahalf @come-on-darling-honey @dove-chan32931 @kaita11 @gangstalicious06 @iincandescenttt @demonchick1 @uwunuggetchan @elijahssuit @multifandomreader73 @shara-ne @nngkay @blackloveangel13 @Mar @the-faceless-bride @holywolfsstuff @abs-2020 @lunajay33 @hpboysslut2707 @lisacarolined

#paul lahote imagine #paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote fanfic #paul lahote x you #paul lahote smut #twilight fanfiction #the twilight saga #twilight fan fiction #twilight saga #twilight #twilight imagine #jacob black #love triangle #speak #andreafmn #edward cullen #bella swan #the cullens #renesmee cullen #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #esme cullen #charlie swan #sam uley #jared cameron #jacob black imagine #rosalie hale #jasper hale #embry call

[emilybeemartin]

Inktober Days 13-15

Day 13: "Rise"

Rangers sometimes talk about their “heart parks”—the intimately special ones that make us go dreamy-eyed and nostalgic. Grand Teton is my heart park. During undergrad, I was going through a rough patch, missing my backcountry work in New Mexico and feeling out of place at Clemson. I told my friend that I “just wanted to go somewhere.” He asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I told him no, I’d like to go to the Grand Tetons. I don’t know why I decided on that particular place in that moment—I’d never been there and had only ever seen photos of the famous mountain group. But my friend said sure, we could go to the Grand Tetons. He proceeded to lead me outside student housing, checked the cardinal directions in the sky, and struck off northwest. I followed him. We walked around campus for hours that night, talking about a hundred different things. It was the first time after returning from New Mexico that I’d felt really heard, really understood, really happy.

A few months later, that friend became my boyfriend, and a few years later, that boyfriend became my husband. There was no question about where we would honeymoon. We went to Grand Teton.

Day 14: "Castle"

I’ve been struggling with what to say about Mesa Verde, because this site was so incredible to visit that I almost can’t put it to words. I experienced it while conducting my master’s research between stops in Navajo National Monument and Chaco Canyon. Visiting these cultural sites, tied together by sociopolitical events and natural disasters over the span of centuries, drove home how vast the network of humanity was in the Ancestral Puebloan era. These places were huge hubs of activity and massive feats of architecture—not castles, but communities humming with life, love, loss, struggle, wealth, and beauty.

Mesa Verde was also the only place I saw a ranger bring an audience to tears with the emotion in his program. I audited over two hundred interpretive programs that summer, but I remember lowering my clipboard during this particular tour of Cliff Palace, in awe of how powerfully the ranger was able to connect visitors with his own familial ties to the Ancestral Puebloans who had lived there so long ago. The goal of interpretation is to facilitate a meaningful connection between the visitor and the resource, but never have I ever seen anyone do it so profoundly as that ranger in Mesa Verde, 2011.

Day 15: "Dagger"

White Sands preserves practically the entire span of human history, from fragments of ancient blades up to the space shuttle and missile launches. But it's the beginning of that timeline that draws me toward this gleaming gypsum dunefield.

I remember where I was when the news dropped—in the Apgar ranger office with a handful of other Glacier rangers. I was working on my hunting and gathering program, where I discussed old facts about projectile points and atlatls, but I stopped when another ranger swore in shock. An email had come through to our NPS accounts with new research out of White Sands. Human footprints preserved in the ancient sediment had been dated--- not to the 13-16 thousand years old we typically associated with the earliest humans in the Americas, but to 23 THOUSAND YEARS OLD. In one short email, our whole office's reckoning of human history almost doubled. Our minds were blown. We celebrated like a bunch of lads after a World Cup win. This world that we walk! Footsteps over footsteps over footsteps! What a privilege.

#inktober #31 days of national parks #grand teton #mesa verde #white sands

[steddieas-shegoes]

This is for the requests!

Could you do a fluffy sweet fic where eddie kisses and adores all of steves moles? I hc him to be absolutely covered in them, and I'd love to see something like it!

Thank you so much for this! You were my first request and I know I said I wasn't posting until 4/30, I needed a little break from call me sunshine, and this felt like a good one! I hope you love it! I also recommend checking out your skin and bones turn into something beautiful (you know I love you so) by ChristinMKay if you haven't because that was hands down one of the most beautiful takes I have ever seen on Steve's freckles/moles ❤️

--------------------------------------------------

Steve used to be confident. He had to keep telling himself that.

In the mirror, in the car, in bed. He repeated it to himself that he used to be confident.

But something happened somewhere between Nancy and his third or fourth concussion that made him genuinely believe that he isn't attractive anymore. Not physically, not his personality, not even his ability to be a human wall when disaster struck.

And the thing that he hated most? Those fucking moles. They covered damn near every inch of his body. They served no purpose other than making him hate himself more.

So imagine his surprise when Eddie kissed him. Well, kissed his moles.

Instead of their first kiss being like any other standard first kiss, it was Eddie kissing the mole right above his top lip.

Their second kiss, really their actual first kiss, was better than anything Steve had had before.

But still, the thoughts lingered.

Eddie was good. He knew how to take Steve apart in seconds, put him back together, and take him apart again. He knew what buttons to push and when, and he did it with the smirk Steve had grown to love more than anything.

But still, those damn thoughts wouldn’t go away.

He did his best to stay as clothed as possible with Eddie. He knew it wouldn’t work long term, but he figured Eddie wasn’t around for the long term anyways, right? He’d get bored and go. He’d think Steve was bullshit and go. He’d remember he was too good for this town and go.

But the months went on. Eddie stayed.

Eddie didn’t question him, just let him keep his boxers and shirt on, let him leave the light off if he took his shirt off.

Until they stayed in Indy for a night after helping Robin move.

They managed to book a decent hotel room, better than anything Eddie had stayed in before and better than anything Steve had been in in years.

Steve was exhausted. Helping Robin move had been draining physically and emotionally, and Steve just wanted a shower and sleep.

Because of the exhaustion, Steve wasn’t thinking when he got out of the shower. He wrapped the towel around him and walked back into the room. The room that Eddie was in, sitting on the bed, looking at Steve hungrily.

“Eds? You okay?”

“You have…so many of them…”

Shit.

Eddie was standing and walking towards him before he could turn and hide in the bathroom.

Fuck.

Eddie’s hands were on his hips, grip strong to bruise, probably able to sense that Steve was ready to run and wanting to keep him there.

“You think I can’t tell?”

“Can’t tell what?”

“That you don’t like them? That you don’t like you?”

Steve felt stripped to the bone. Naked in a way he’d never been before.

Eddie’s lips were on his neck, right where the freckles and moles combined to make constellations on his skin.

“I see it. I see how you avoid being seen. Not just your skin, but you. But I see you, Stevie. I’ve seen you for years. And I love every single thing I’ve seen.”

Eddie was peppering kisses against his skin.

At first, it just seemed random. But then, Steve realized what he was doing.

He was kissing his moles. Every. Single. One.

Down his neck, to his collarbone, to his chest.

“You even have them under your hair here,” Eddie mumbled against his skin, hot breath mixing with the cool air of the room leaving goosebumps on Steve’s skin.

“Eddie, I-” Steve let out a moan when Eddie bit his collarbone.

“Please let me show you how much I love them,” Eddie said against his skin before pulling away and looking at him. “Let me show you how much I love you.”

He’d never said the words before, but he never had to. Steve realized he’d said them every day for months.

In the way he brought him a can of Coke every time he was working. In the way he started picking up the kids for Hellfire on days when Steve was tired. In the way he held his hand under the blanket during movie night instead of over it because he knew Steve was worried about telling the kids. In the way he let him hide parts of him away so he would feel safe.

Steve was tired of hiding. Eddie saw him anyway. Eddie loved anyway.

So Steve bit his lip and nodded, letting the towel fall away from his waist.

Eddie looked him up and down, complete awe written clearly all over his face.

“You’re beautiful, sweetheart.”

Steve had trouble believing it for himself, but for now, he could believe it for Eddie.

Eddie slowly pushed him towards the bed, gently pushing him to lay down, only pulling away to take off his own clothes.

Eddie had never been shy about being naked in front of Steve. Even with his scars, his permanently altered tattoos, his stretch marks from when he was a “chubby kid.”

Eddie’s lips were on every mole, every freckle, every scar, every bump of his skin.

His tongue traced along the outlines of some of them, making impermanent pictures out of his spit, leaving bruises in places he’d never been able to touch before.

Steve couldn’t hold back his moans and whimpers, bucking his hips up when Eddie made it to the moles on his inner thighs. He could feel Eddie’s smile against his skin, his laugh sending shivers down his spine.

It was freeing to feel Eddie’s love in this way, to know that something he hid for years didn’t need to be.

Eddie kissed all the way down to his ankle, pausing when he saw a large freckle on his big toe. He looked up at Steve, gave him a smile, and kissed that one too.

No part of Steve had gone without Eddie’s lips, tongue, or teeth.

Steve settled back into the hotel bed, for once not thinking about how the lamp on the bedside table was providing a golden glow to every inch of his skin, and let Eddie use his lips, tongue, and teeth where he’d wanted it most.

-------------------------------------------------------

Don't forget my requests are open until 5/7! I am working on these in between working on call me sunshine so they will be slightly infrequent until next weekend!

#anon request #requests #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #i tagged this body worship on ao3 because it felt like it was #soft eddie munson #steve harrington confidence issues #they get fixed REAL QUICK THO

[bleedinqdove]

Hi! Can I request headcanons for how Rocky would go about his feelings for a reader that's the niece of Sedgewick?

Rocky Rickaby with a reader who’s the niece of Wick.

A/n: I got a bit carried away with this request as you see…but I hope you enjoy anon cause I had so much fun writing this!

SFW.

(Couldn’t stop myself from adding a song)

-First of all, I want to say this gives off major lady and the tramp vibes.

-Since Wick himself is rich and influential, no doubt your family is too.

-And then there’s Rocky a rum runner and a fellow who does odd jobs for the Lackadaisy Speakeasy

-You two met at the Little Daisy Cafe when you were with your Uncle Wick.

You quickly got bored as your Uncle was busy talking with some pretty lady named Mitzi. You rolled your eyes as you turned your head to look at something more interesting…and less disturbing than your Uncle’s flirting.

And you do find something that catches your eye! Looking over your seat you spot a grey tabby pouring a rather alarming amount of syrup on his pancakes. Your eyebrows raise in intrigue as a smile crosses your lips. You look over into his booth, tilting your head slightly.

“Well, ain’t that interesting…I’ve never seen anyone who liked syrup this much.” You said with a light-hearted chuckle.

The grey tabby raises his head to look up at you before he flashes a sharp smile a proud look on his face. “You’d be hardpressed to find a gentleman who likes pancakes n’ syrup more than me!”

You giggled at his response before shaking your head a smirk playing on your lips. “Do you have a name, Mister? Or would Sir-Pours-A-Lot suffice?”

“Rocky, Rocky Rickaby…and you? Miss…?” He asked raising an eyebrow.

“Sable. Y/n Sable.”

-And the two of you continued to chat after that, which didn’t escape Ivy’s attention. Right before you left, Ivy slipped a small black pin of a clover into your hands and whispered something in your ear.

-Which kickstarted a whole new life for you.

-Almost every other night you snuck out to the speakeasy…excited to see a particular pancake-loving cat.

-At first, when Rocky met you he was quite intrigued by your curious behavior, and not to mention those witty comebacks of yours.

-You two just played off each other so well…so it wasn’t surprising he found himself falling rather hard.

-He’d look forward to those nights you did come to visit the speakeasy, talking to you about his exciting rum running adventures.

-It’s almost like he was trying to impress you…and he was! The way you looked at him with such awe and intrigue every time he told you a story stroked his ego just a tiny bit…

-You, being the sheltered thing you are, found the stories very interesting, even wishing you were there.

-Yet despite all these feelings of admiration and elation, Rocky couldn’t help but feel insecure…and a little jealous.

-Your wealth and status were apparent, you were Wick’s niece after all!

-If you two were ever to be in a relationship, your parents would most definitely never approve.

-Not to mention he’s already plagued with thoughts that you’ll leave him for a better, richer man…and he couldn’t blame you…but the thought makes him feel sick with jealousy and sadness.

-But every time he was caught in his doubtful thinking you’d flash him that pretty smile of yours and he’d find himself falling head over heels all over again.

-What can I say? he’s a fool for you!

-And being so he can’t himself getting closer and closer to you.

-Neither can you.

-Despite knowing this relationship was probably doomed you couldn’t help but fall further as well, you were young, dumb, and in love after all. The recipe for a perfect beautiful disaster.

Sitting against a tree with your head resting against his shoulder you closed your eyes and sighed, feeling the cold chill of the night air. You slowly opened your eyes and looked up at Rocky, parting your lips to speak.

“You think we can actually do this?”

He’s silent for a moment before he looks down and places his hand over yours, that signature sharp-toothed smile on his face.

“Well, I made it this far, Haven’t I?”

#lackadaisy #lackadaisy x reader #rocky rickaby x reader #rocky rickaby #x reader #fluff #sorry this was a bit late #had to write an essay…that I procrastinated on

[monstersinthecosmos]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @jacqulinetan

1. How many works do you have on A03? 46 public, 3 private, 2 anon.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 692, 623!

3. What fandoms do you write for? VC and Sheith with a few YOI fics thrown in. 😊

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Star Eater, THE FRONT, Tonight the Stars Revolt!, Wayfinder, and Zero Hour!

5. Do you respond to comments? YES! I only share fics because I want comments lmfao. I want to talk to you!!! Sometimes I do like a quarterly roundup so I let them pile up and then answer them all every 3 months lol but I do try to reply to everybody!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I think for Sheith it’s C O A G V L A and for VC it’s The Lotus Eater or Gallows Bird? (The Lotus Eater and Gallows Bird have the Armand & Marius versions of the same ending bc Gallows Bird was a TLE remix LOL) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás also has a really bleak ending but it’s a PWP so it doesn’t hurt me as bad LOL.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? For Sheith it’s THE FRONT I think? For VC idk maybe Right Where it Belongs or In the Trials of the Heart?

8. Do you get hate on fics? I’ve gotten a lot of hate in fandom at large but never really got flagrant hate in an AO3 comment. I do occasionally get a rude unsolicited critique and I like to use that as an opportunity to write meta about why my decision was correct LOL

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I only write smut, thanks! WHAT KIND? idk I lean into BDSM but there's a few that aren't BDSM. I also write canon-compliant VC smut so it's either a vampire servicing a human or me trying to make blood drinking sound as horny as possible.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I used to when I was a teenager on my old accounts but it doesn’t really interest me anymore outside of like maybe a cute lil homage Easter Egg or something.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don’t think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I haven’t co-written in a long time but I used to! One of my fav fics from high school was written with my best friend where we alternated chapters and it was so much fun!  

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Sheith and Marius/Armand and Armand/Daniel and Marius/Pandora !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are my fav ships to WRITE, I don’t really read a lot of VC though. I have lots of other fav ships to read.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don’t start stuff that I won’t finish adsgjl when I was in high school my FFnet page was a DISASTER just like 60 fics, none of them finished, and so when I returned to fic writing using AO3 I promise myself not to post stuff that I wasn’t confident I’d finish. Ideally I don’t even begin sharing something until it’s finished but TTSR was an exception bc it started as a PWP and got out of hand.

16. What are your writing strengths? I get complimented the most on tension and pacing! Also on emotional meta like characters' behavior around trauma.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I really wish I was better at writing long fics. It’s been a goal of mine forever and I’ve gotten a little better but I’m not where I want to be.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Gjkaldsg I don’t think it’s necessary and often comes off as cheesy unless it serves a real purpose. I've seen it done really well before! (Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo came to mind!) And I think we’ve all seen this done badly enough in fanfic to kind of learn what not to do. I think there are times when the beauty and cadence of another language can add texture or say something that you simply can’t say in the default language, I also think it can be used to create a distance between the characters, even between the reader and the character. I used a lot of Latin in So Falls the World for example, because Marius and Pandora are reciting an ancient poem to each other, and it was important to me to leave it in Latin because I wanted to communicate their age, that they’re clinging to something archaic because it’s familiar to them, when it’s incongruous to the world around them and also the text around them. Same with the misinterpretation of silence and its disastrous consequences, where Louis is reciting a French poem. I mean do we assume that Louis and Lestat speak French to each other at home anyway? But putting the poem in the original language AT LEAST FOR ME created a sense that Louis is playing a role, that it’s something outside of himself. Basically I think media does this all the time and we are smart enough to know that the language we’re consuming might not be the language the characters are actually speaking, we all know that! So the question is, when people sprinkle random words into their stories or dialogue, I ask: What purpose did this serve? Is this how bilingual people actually talk? Is it written for bilingual readers as a shared experience or is it meant to confuse monolingual readers for effect? Is it used sparingly to add texture, is it just a fun word that you want to use? Do whatever you want but I think we need to ask ourselves these questions before writing something that’s a sloppy mess at best, and a racist caricature at worst!

19. First fandom you wrote for? Pro wrestling =P

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Tonight the Stars Revolt! is my fav Sheith fic, it’s like my magnus opus that I do all my meta work for, everything I’ve thought deeply about was ultimately for this fic, I HAVENT UPDATED IT IN ALMOST 2 YEARS IM REALLY SORRY LIFE KINDA GOT AWAY FROM ME IT’S BEEN HECTIC but I think about it constantly, more than you know, I have 3 playlists for it that I listen to all the time, it’s just always on my mind. For VC it used to be So Falls the World but now that I wrote Gallows Bird I think it’s that, too. I can’t tell if it’s because Gallows Bird is just newer and less sloppy LOL but jkdlhakjgsd I THINK I AVOIDED WRITING MARIUS FIC FOR A LONG TIME BC I WAS INTIMIDATED BUT THE TIMES I DO WRITE HIM I HAVE SUCH A BLAST and I just love him so much!

TAGGING: @hekateinhell @apoptoses @mothmage @nothing-but-paisley @covenofthearticulate @lovevamp @bubblegum-blackwood & EVERYONE ELSE

#stuff i wrote

[sir-klauz]

So elated Yamada-kun to Lv999 no Koi wo Suru/My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999/山田くんとLv999の恋をする is out, aired to the public in Spring of this year, 2023, through Madhouse studios, one of my favourites for a series.

I watched a few episodes before I decided to wait till it was mostly/totally released so I could sit and watch it in one stint. Yesterday I gave in hahaha.

I am most pleased. It’s the first anime released about a manga I’ve read since I returned to immersing myself into manga just over a year ago once again. I usually read a lot of not super popular mangas which never see the screens unfortunately despite being beautiful stories in the rough. As I thought, I’m very much enjoying it so far.

If you’re into anime, you’ve probably seen a fair few memes of Yamada already during the one scene he turns away from the computer. The most amusing one to me, was this one, as I’m also a big gamer of Genshin this was a funny joke between me and my partner.

I still can’t get over the scenario where he just starts totally choking on cup ramen in the manga, and I hope that doesn’t get forgetting. Because yeah, very relatable. Introvert gamer eating and choking on noodles, disaster. How he’s like socially I understand, I like the character, Akane is always very kinda despite some ways she gets treat and I think that’s quite brave but I wish she would stand up for herself more! The time with the fan incident was so sad, and such a real thing to be wary about even though she was set up. I cannot everr forgive that lil’ wet wipe Runa for doing that to her. She totally got my goat when that happened, idc. Her excuse is she’s younger and lonely and immature but.. that doesn’t cut it for me, there’s no excuse to do that but I’m glad she felt guilty and apologised as y’know, I thought she definitely never would when reading the manga.

Eita is so camp I love him, and when he goes angry face at Runa, we know shiz gonna go down as he’s usually like ^-^^^.

Let’s just say, Takezou, is, just, adorable. I’m very glad there’s representation for the older gaming community which very much exists, not only for the fact many avid gamers from when games started releasing still very much have been around this whole time since those days and have a lot of experience! Even if you can’t do big tournaments as easy the older you get, a lot of older gamers get ignored or forgetting and it’s associated with only being a young people thing.

Synopsis

After her boyfriend breaks up with her for another girl, college student Akane Kinoshita wrestles with a broken heart and the memories he left behind. Loading up Forest of Savior, the MMO they used to play together, she forms a plan to get back at her ex-boyfriend through an in-person event for the game. In the process, she runs into someone unexpected: Akito Yamada, a gaming legend who just happens to be her guildmate.

Desperate for support, Akane ropes the asocial Yamada into helping with her scheme and lending her a shoulder to cry on. The differences between Akane and Yamada soon become apparent as they spend time together, yet they cannot help but notice each other's inner qualities. As the two gain more experience with one another in and out of the game, their tentative acquaintance may level up in a way neither expects.

Producers: Aniplex, Movic, Tokyo MX, BS11, Egg Firm, Kadokawa, COMICSMART

Genre: Romance

Theme: Video Game

Rating: PG-13 - Teens 13 or older

#yamada kun to lv999 no koi wo suru #loving yamada at lv999 #山田くんとLv999の恋をする #my love story with yamada kun at lv999 #akane kinoshita #yamada akito #akito yamada #kinoshita akane #anime spoilers #anime #anime and manga #anime blog #manga blog #manga review #anime review #anime reccomendations #manga reccs #manga reccomendation #anime release #anime recommendation #anime recap #manga recap #manga recommendations #josei manga #josei #josei anime #gaming manga #anime updates #anime releases #anime news

[daughter-of-melpomene]

𝗔 𝗪𝗛𝗢𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗙 𝗪𝗜𝗭𝗔𝗥𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗 𝗣𝗟𝗢𝗧 𝗕𝗨𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘𝗦

So, I’ve been reading a lot of Wizarding World OC fanfics lately, mostly on Wattpad, and have since fallen back into a rabbit hole of thinking about this amazing universe. Harry Potter was one of the very first fandoms I was in, and despite everything and how much I despise and renounce She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I still love it and I don’t really think I’ll ever stop.

Anyways, as a result of my falling back into my love for this universe, I wound up creating a whole load of plot bunnies for assorted eras, and I thought I’d share them with you guys! I probably won’t wind up making formal intro posts for all of them or anything, but you guys are definitely free to ask me questions about any of them if you want, and I really hope you like my new babies!!

(Tagging my Wizarding World moots @luucypevensie, @dancingsunflowers-ocs, @manyfandomocs, @cecexwrites, and @ginevrastilinski-ocs - really hope you guys like these ideas!!)

FANTASTIC BEASTS ERA —

Charlotte “Charlie” Fairweather; pureblood, (former) Hufflepuff, poly Newt + Tina ship. Newt’s best friend from Hogwarts who shares his love of creatures and dropped out after he got expelled to follow him in his travels. Seen as the father of all the creatures while Newt’s the mom, and has a special bond with the Mooncalves. Total sassy sweetheart who has a heart of gold but also doesn’t take crap from anyone, and also a distinguished bisexual who’s very proud of herself for landing people as awesome as both Newt and Tina.

Amelia Jameson; half-blood, (former) Horned Serpent, poly Jacob + Queenie ship. American witch who works in the Wand Registration Department and is Tina’s only friend at work, and winds up getting pulled into the whole crazy adventure because of it. Incredibly intelligent and good at reading people, but never became an Auror because she was too scared to put herself into danger. Has had a work crush on Queenie for years, but never thought anything would come of it until she got to spend more time with her and wound up also developing feelings for Jacob (which causes her a great deal of panic for something that winds up having a happy ending).

Sylvia “Sylvie” Miller; pureblood, (former) Wampus, Bunty ship. Tina’s Auror protégé once she gets reinstated in the second movie who gets assigned to shadow her in her hunt for Grindelwald. Doesn’t see what Tina sees in Newt at all but then becomes a total hypocrite by falling head over heels for Bunty the moment she sees her. Kind of closed-off and over everything all the time, but also a secret lesbian disaster. Incredible when it comes to defensive magic and shield charms.

RIDDLE ERA —

Ptolemus Lovegood; pureblood, Ravenclaw, Tom Riddle ship. Exists in an AU where Tom never becomes Voldemort. Luna’s ancestor who definitely lives up to the Lovegood name, very dreamy and a bit odd, but an incredible artist who creates amazing magical paintings and sculptures. A bit naïve because he mostly lives inside his own head, and gets made fun of a lot by other students. Tom originally gets into a relationship with him because he thinks he can manipulate Ptolemus into helping him in his schemes, but he winds up actually falling in love with him, and Ptolemus slowly helps him overcome his anger and the darkness inside him. Basically this guy is Luna about fifty years in the future, and a bit of a manic pixie dream boy, but we love him anyway.

Sera Malfoy; pureblood, Slytherin, Orion Black ship. Everything you would expect a Malfoy to be - cold, cruel, and arrogant - but never to be made the heir to anything because she’s a woman, which she loathes. Plenty of people at Hogwarts desire her for her beauty, but she never deems anyone good enough for her. Has an on-and-off affair with Orion while he’s already betrothed to Walburga, which is super toxic and messy since Sera is mainly using him to try and get him to drop Walburga so she can be head of the Black household and Orion just wants to have the victory of sleeping with the girl everyone at Hogwarts wants. They actually wind up developing a sort of twisted connection, but break their affair off once Orion and Walburga officially get engaged. Eventually killed by Walburga after she finds out that Sera and Orion slept together one more time after they were already married and Sirius and Regulus were kids. After he moves back into his childhood home, Sirius finds a letter his father wrote to Sera but never sent, and a wrought-iron rose with a snake wrapped around the stem that she gifted him.

MARAUDERS ERA —

Orla Byrne; half-blood, Hufflepuff, Mary Macdonald ship. Daughter of a single mother who doesn’t find out her father was a wizard until she gets her Hogwarts letter, so she knows basically nothing about the wizarding world. Bonds with Mary over being Scottish witches trying to figure out this new world together, which eventually leads to them becoming cute girlfriends. Super sassy for a Hufflepuff and prone to using a lot of curse words. Also becomes besties with Mary’s band of other Gryffindor girls, but also becomes pretty tight with the Marauders, which annoys Lily before she starts returning James’s feelings.

Evelyn “Evie” Prewitt; pureblood, Ravenclaw, Narcissa Black ship. Middle child of that era’s Prewitts - Molly’s older sister and younger than the twins. Almost sorted into Slytherin and definitely showcases it - very ambitious and wants to be a politician. Meets Narcissa after they get paired together for a Charms project and start something of a more-than-friends thing, but they break it off after they graduate and Narcissa marries Lucius even though they genuinely love each other. Evie becomes a high-ranking politician in the Ministry of Magic eventually and never marries anyone else, and they wind up reconnecting and getting back together after Harry defeats Voldemort and Narcissa divorces Lucius when he goes to prison.

Nina Grey; half-blood, Hufflepuff, poly James + Lily ship. Daughter of a pureblood mother and Muggleborn wizard father, has been in ballet classes since she was really little, wanted to be a prima ballerina before she got her Hogwarts letter. Still regularly uses the Room of Requirement as a dance studio to practice her dancing, which is how she meets James when the Marauders run into the Room trying to get away from Filch after pulling a prank. Meets Lily after she sees James and Nina talking and approaches her to tell her to stay away from him, and they become friends, only for James to realize that he’s falling for Nina as well as Lily. Nina has already developed feelings for James and gains them for Lily as well the longer they’re friends, and Lily winds up realizing that she loves Nina about the same time she starts to return James’s feelings, so it’s kind of a whole mess, but they do all end up together in the end. Nina’s a total sweetheart who loves tea and reading and always wears ballet flats - basically she’s very soft-girl core and I love her.

Zachary Alonso; Muggleborn, Gryffindor, Remus ship. Son of Mexican-American Muggles/No-Majs who moved to the UK shortly after his tenth birthday, so he gets his Hogwarts letter instead of going to Ilvermorny. A bit of an outcast in his own dorm room for his first few years at Hogwarts since the Marauders are so close, but becomes friends with them in fourth year after he helps them pull off a prank. Becomes a lynx Animagus with the rest of the crew and gains the nickname Sharptooth. Only gets together with Remus towards the end of seventh year, but they’re a very sweet couple. Kind of a stereotypical Gryffindor - never backs down from a challenge, always wants to protect people, and would do very nearly anything for the people he cares about.

Clarissa Yeng; half-blood, Slytherin, Marlene McKinnon ship. Daughter of a wealthy wizarding family who are just outside of the Scared Twenty-Eight and who have sort of fallen from grace after her father married a Muggleborn witch. Determined to restore her family’s reputation, so she acts like a prime pureblood Slytherin, cold and ruthless and proud. Develops something of a rivalry with Marlene over outdoing each other in the Gryffindor-Slytherin shared classes that eventually turns to secret makeout sessions and, later, genuine romance. Naturally brutally honest and not very expressive, but also really touch-starved and craves genuine love and genuinely tries to be a better person once she and Marlene get together.

GOLDEN TRIO ERA —

Mariela Gomez; Muggleborn, (former) Thunderbird, poly Sirius + Remus ship. Transplant from America who becomes the new Muggle Studies professor in the Trio’s third year and winds up becoming very close to Remus. Winds up following him to the Shrieking Shack to help free Sirius and is kind of hurt upon seeing them interacting and realizing that they’re still in love because she was sort of developing feelings for Remus, but keeps in touch with him after he leaves Hogwarts and helps Sirius while he’s hiding out in his cave, and realizes she has feelings for both of them. Joins the Order once it gets back together and has a whole proper confession with her two boys right before the Battle of Hogwarts, and they officially get together after (because of course Sirius and Remus live, what do you take me for?). Incredibly caring and would do anything to protect her students, but also has no tolerance for people who are assholes to her or anyone else about being a Muggleborn - she winds up taking a lot of points off of Slytherin and makes an enemy of Snape because of it.

Lunella “Luna” Warbeck; pureblood, Ravenclaw, Marcus Flint ship. Daughter of the famous witch singer Celestina Warbeck, and is the exact opposite of her mother, very quiet and withdrawn. A very talented singer, however, and writes her own songs which are all really lovely. Meets Flint because she likes to sit in the Quidditch stands to write and winds up accidentally sitting in on a whole Slytherin team practice before anyone notices her. Gets accused of spying for Ravenclaw, which of course she isn’t, but Flint still invites her to the next practice as a way to show off and stick it to Ravenclaw, and then keeps inviting her and interacting with her until they eventually develop feelings. She winds up making him a better person and stopping him from joining the new Death Eaters after Hogwarts, and they actually get to have a happy ending together.

Hecate Lovegood; pureblood, Gryffindor, Fred ship. Luna’s older sister, but instead of getting bullied, goes mostly ignored by Hogwarts’s population. Autistic and only semi-verbal, so she rarely talks, and has a talent for creating enchanted jewelry. Makes friends with the twins after she lies to help get them out of trouble for a prank and abruptly becomes kind of a popular by osmosis, with a bunch of people wanting to buy her jewelry. Stays at Hogwarts after the twins drop out, but when they open Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes they offer her a whole section to sell her jewelry. She and Fred officially get together after the Battle of Hogwarts (because he lives, of course). Very much like Luna in terms of personality, but also a bit more snarky than her when someone’s being a bellend.

Zain Ahmad; half-blood, Hufflepuff, Oliver Wood ship. Hufflepuff Quidditch captain who has been Quidditch rivals with Oliver since they both started playing. Possibly the grumpiest and most sarcastic person to ever get into Hufflepuff, but still an amazing captain who’s loved by all of their players. Has the classic rivals-to-lovers thing with Oliver, but retires from Quidditch after they graduate and takes a job at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. Kind of an asshole with a heart of gold, doesn’t really show they care but always goes out of their way to do quietly nice things for people and would die for those they care about.

Nova Brackley; Muggleborn, Slytherin, Draco ship. A total outcast in Slytherin by virtue of being Muggleborn, but doesn’t really give a shit and can very often be seen flipping off their housemates. Incredibly talented at healing magic and sort of becomes Madam Pomfrey’s apprentice starting third year, and first meets Draco when they’re healing up his broken rib from a Quidditch game. The two of them bicker a lot because Draco feels like he has to be mean to them to keep up his reputation and Nova is not willing to take any of his shit, but they actually wind up falling in love eventually. They break up briefly after Nova can’t stop Draco from following his family into the Death Eaters (some of Draco’s angst in the sixth movie also comes from missing them), but they reconnect after the Battle of Hogwarts and eventually get back together, and Nova becomes a Healer at St. Mungo’s. Nova is basically Rosa Diaz incarnate, stone-faced and tough and not giving a shit what people think of them, but they’re also pretty funny and sweet once you actually get to know them, and they’re incredibly loyal.

Godric Marshe; pureblood, Gryffindor, Cedric ship. Named after Godric Gryffindor, of course, but very definitely doesn’t live up to his name because he basically has Neville’s relationship with magic, except his never gets better. Kind of an outcast and gets bullied a lot, and when Cedric approaches him after he’s been crushing on him for years, Godric definitely thinks it’s either a cruel joke or just the Hogwarts golden boy taking pity on him and trying to do the right thing. Rejects Cedric’s attempts at friendship for the longest time, but eventually they genuinely become friends and boyfriends later. Very quiet and insecure due to his lack of magic, but an amazing writer who slowly comes out of his shell thanks to Cedric and eventually becomes a novelist.

Allegra Pennyworthy; pureblood, Slytherin, Neville ship. Daughter of the Sacred Twenty-Eight but supports Muggleborns and doesn’t give a shit about doing what her family wants, and is something of an outcast from Slytherin because of it. Offers to help Neville in Potions since it’s her best subject, and falls him love with him through that. Eventually becomes Hogwarts’s new Potions professor when Neville takes over Herbology. A total badass, fierce and protective and cunning and never afraid to speak her mind; Neville both adores her her and fears her a little bit, and he’s basically the only person she lets herself be soft around.

Penelope Barker; Muggleborn, Gryffindor, Cho ship. A she/they partner for Cho because she deserved better. Technically Muggleborn, but was adopted by a wizard couple when she was a baby so they’ve always been familiar with the wizarding world. Much more focused on playing Quidditch than on academics, but is still best friends with Hermione and generally relies on her tutoring to pass her classes. Falls in love with Cho pretty much the very first time they see her on the Quidditch pitch, and spends years pining over her until they get to talking at the Yule Ball (Cho went by herself instead of with Cedric), and follows her into Dumbledore’s Army the next year until eventually they kiss after a meeting. Becomes a professional Quidditch player after Hogwarts, on the same team Ginny leads. Incredibly sweet but also super awkward and clumsy off of the Quidditch pitch, regularly tripping over her tongue and her own feet. Becomes a godparent to Hermione and Ron’s kids.

Aaaaand that’s all, folks! Holy shit, this is a lot (😅). As I said, not all of these babies are gonna get official intro posts or anything like that, but you’re always free to ask me whatever you want about any of them!! <3

#randomness #plot bunnies #harry potter ocs #wizarding world ocs #oc: charlie fairweather #oc: amelia jameson #oc: sylvie miller #oc: ptolemus lovegood #oc: sera malfoy #oc: orla byrne #oc: evie prewitt #oc: nina grey #oc: zachary alonso #oc: clarissa yeng #oc: mariela gomez #oc: luna warbeck #oc: hecate lovegood #oc: zain ahmad #oc: nova brackley #oc: godric marshe #oc: allegra pennyworthy #oc: penelope barker

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

NEW FIC: Why Not Take All of Me?

HI OKAY EVERYONE SEEMED TO LIKE THAT LIL SNIPPET SO HERE'S THE FIRST CHAPTER OF Why Not Take All of Me?

Summary:

When a small disaster strikes the morning of Maddie and Chimney's wedding, Buck, Hen, and Chim find themselves unwittingly caught up in an emergency across town, while Maddie and Eddie get stuck in an elevator.

Snippet:

Eddie is here tonight. Useless, and a little out of place. 

Here tonight to be teasingly told he looks good in a shirt he deliberated over for far too long before buying, and even longer before wearing, because it had, at the time, felt like too vulnerable a hue. Hi, here is this color you’ve never seen me wear, as I ready myself slowly to tell you something I’ve never told anyone but my therapist. Fun, fun. 

Buck trudges back from a round of family photos, slumps into his seat, and takes a big bite of cheesecake. 

“Unhappy model?” Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Careful, or you won’t book any more jobs.”

Buck rolls his eyes. 

“This beautiful face is my job security,” Buck replies through a mouthful of cake.

#why not take all of me fic #daisies and briars writes #911 fanfic #911 #buddie 911 #eddie x buck #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fanfic #911 fic #Spotify

[deputyash]

WIP Day

Tagged by @adelaidedrubman Thank you! (Also probably some other people from long ago too but I can't remember, sorry X3)

Tagging: @harmonyowl @derelictheretic @teamhawkeye @strafethesesinners @purplehairsecretlair @peachyaliien @ri-a-rose @redreart @statichvm @shellibisshe @glowwormsmith @fuckin-nancy @isobel-thorm @blissfulalchemist @direwombat @v0idbuggy @wrathfulrook @mel-eficent @cassietrn @beemot @englass @laindtt @shallow-gravy @the-delicate-disaster @katamari-possum

A/N: Have two WIPs cause I had a mini drabble that I had fun with, but also a piece of a longer work I've had for like weeks now lol. Also heads up for wound-tending and stitches for the second WIP.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WIP 1:

Despite never seeing them himself, Astarion never cared for his eyes. The thought of them only ever brought back wretched memories of the beginning of his torment, his turning. 

This slowly began to change the more time he spent with Izel, gazing into her eyes. They were an enchanting shade of garnet. One moment they would catch the light and sparkle so sweetly and the next they were a deep chasm he could get endlessly lost in. If red eyes could be as beautiful as hers, then perhaps his own could be too.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WIP 2:

She looks over the wound again and repeats the process until she’s satisfied with the cleanliness of it. She sets the cloth aside before grabbing and opening the metal tin. Inside are several needles and various spools of thread. 

Izel grabs one of each and sets aside the rest as she begins prepping the needle. She strings a considerable amount of thread through the needle before bringing her left arm to rest on her lap. She leans forward as she brings the needle to the wound. 

Her fingers tremble slightly as she moves to bring the needle point to her skin. She pauses and tries to shake off the tremors but the combination of the chilly air, the mild pain thrumming through her, and her general fatigue, makes it a fruitless task. 

With a soft hiss she pushes the needle into her skin. She angles it back up and brings it out on the other side of the wound, making her first stitch. She repeats the motion again, flinching when she hits a particularly tender spot. She glances up at the lake. The orange rays of sunlight were beginning to dip down below the shimmering surface of the water.

She was losing daylight fast. She needed to speed this along or she’d be here all night. 

She repeats the motions again and again until she reaches a rhythm—a shaky one—but one nonetheless. Izel nearly reaches the end of the wound when a voice cuts through the silence, shocking her from her concentration. 

In a split second, Izel is on her feet and spinning around to face her intruder, teeth bared in defense, uncaring that the needle and thread were still attached to her arm. 

A pitched laugh is the only thing that she’s met with. “It’ll take a little more than a sewing needle to kill me, don’t you think, darling?”

Izel lets out an indignant huff but lets the tension fall from her shoulders. “What are you doing here, Astarion?” 

He flashes her a smile. “I could ask you the same thing, dear. I saw you sneaking off earlier.” He makes a scurrying motion with his hands before continuing, “Not exactly subtly either, might I add.”

“Who said I was trying to be subtle? Perhaps I just wanted some peace and quiet.” She lets out a curt hum before continuing, “Now I’d really like to finish what I was doing. I’d rather not spend all night out here with a needle hanging from my arm.”

Astarion simply crosses his arms and looks at her, gazing at her from head to toe. Izel hardens her stare and turns her body away from him, but doing so causes her to mistakenly tug at the thread still connected to her arm. She flinches and lets out a soft hiss as she looks down at the stitches, which in turn reveals them to Astarion.

“That is some of the worst needlework I’ve seen in my life.”

Izel cocks her head to the side and shoots a glare in his direction. “They don’t need to be pretty. They just need to work.”

He lets out a breathy laugh, “And leave plenty of scars in the process.”

He saunters over and stops beside the makeshift table. He reaches down and picks up the tin full of sewing supplies. He plucks out a new needle and spool of thread. He brings the needle up to his crimson eyes.

“I’m quite the embroiderer you know.” He briefly waves down at his clothing. “Did everything you see here.” 

Izel watches as he easily threads the needle before setting it aside and picking up a small pair of sewing scissors. He holds his hand out before waving it impatiently. 

“Arm, darling. I don’t have all day.”

“Why are you helping me?” She asks, still leaning away from him.

“We’re a team, aren’t we? And while I am no Shadowheart, I can at least offer…what few skills I do have…” He clears his throat, “So, are you going to give me that precious arm of yours or are you indeed going to let that needle dangle there all night?”

Izel eyes him with a mix of wariness and curiosity. She could sense something beneath his words but she doesn’t push him for an explanation. Who was she to push for answers? She certainly wouldn’t appreciate it if their roles were reversed. In fact she'd loathe it. Almost as much as she loathes the idea of trusting a near stranger with a needle near her flesh, especially one who had pulled a dagger on her when they met.

She lets out a sigh and looks down at her arm. The stitches were sloppy and they were already coming loose in some areas and too tight in others from her abrupt stop. She grits her teeth before relenting. She turns towards him and lets her arm rest in his outreached hand. 

“There. That wasn’t so hard now was it?”

Astarion brings the scissors to the stitches and begins cutting them all off. He carefully pulls out the remaining bits and tosses them off into the grass before reaching for the carafe of water. He pours water over the wound. Izel bites down on her teeth as the stinging resurfaces but otherwise stays firmly planted in place. She refuses to look weak in front of him. 

He wipes away the water with a clean cloth before bringing the new needle to the top of the wound. Izel looks away from the operating area and instead looks up at Astarion’s face. His eyes were keenly honed into his work, his brows pinched together and his mouth pursed into a set look of concentration. Perhaps he isn’t lying. Maybe he really does know his way around a needle and thread.

Her eyes then glance down at his clothing. She hadn’t really noticed the needlework on it before. All along the garment is brilliant gold embroidery, making distinct shapes and patterns all over the neckline and shoulders. She didn’t know much about the ins and outs of embroidery, but from what she could see, his work was delicate, skillful, beautiful.

#I added an extra paragraph to the second WIP last minute so hopefully it isn't too jarring lol #deputyash's writing #my writing #deputyash's ocs #my ocs #izel #izel x astarion #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x oc #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[maddipoof]

There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort 🌷- pick a character or a few and come up with a prompt and I’ll write a fluff blurb <3

hi hi can u do robin buckley and her asking u to go out with her (which u assume is just as friends) but then she confesses to u on the date and it's just super cute

this is so awkward why cant i phrase things normally

Eeeeeeee thank you, I love you, this has been sitting in my docs for forever but you're finally back so it can finally see the light of day!!!

a/n: ummm to many princess bride references but I love it more than anything soooooo i'll reference it til I die <3 wc:2.4k Also, like, hardly proofread :( but I hope you like it <3 (you're an amazing friend and everyday I'm so grateful for you sara)

“Steve,” Robin rushed behind the counter and kept her back to the edge, a poor attempt to not be recognized. “Steve, Steve, Steve, please, I beg, I can’t do it. You have to help me. When do I ask you for anything?”

“Literally every day.”

“Steve, please, literally I am asking you to help the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and you’re saying no.”

“I still don’t understand why you can’t talk to her.”

“Why can’t I talk to her?!” She looked around frantically trying to find you, making sure you weren’t close enough to hear her panicking. “Jesus Christ! Have you met me?! I’m a disaster. Last time I talked to her, I couldn’t stop!”

“I remember, Keith got all bent out of shape cus you left a line of 3 people.”

“Heh, yeah,” she agreed with a sarcastic laugh. “Also, I was saying so many things even I couldn’t keep up. It was horrible. It was so bad, I—” Steve turned her around by the shoulder and you smiled at her and held up the VHS in your hands. She finished the other half of the rotation and stopped Steve from running off to the back. “You cannot leave me alone, please, I beg of you,” she mouthed.

He twirled his finger around in the air, meaning ‘turn around,’ and pushed the swinging door open with his back, mouthing “Do it”. Leaving Robin to her own devices indefinitely.

“Hi, um, just this.” You put The Princess Bride on the counter. The 5th time you’ve rented it in 6 months (which she definitely knows from the records on your account and definitely not because she’s been keeping a mental note of everything you like. That’d be ridiculous).

“You really like this one.”

Your eyebrows kind of twitched in a way that made her regret so much as breathing wrong around you, but it vanished before she got the chance to grovel for forgiveness. “Yeah, uh, I really like it.”

She doesn’t even need to ask for your phone number anymore. It’s been on constant repeat in her mind since last Saturday and every Saturday before that. “And your phone number?” But she thought it’d be weird, too forward for you to know she knew it by heart.

“You don’t know it by now?” You raised an eyebrow and she gave you a half smile. She typed it in faster than you could watch her fingers to make sure she got it right, and the lack of hesitation did not go unnoticed by you. She really knew it.

“Uh, did you know…while they were filming, Andre the Giant needed an ATV to get around set since it was like, up on a big hill?” She asked while you counted out the change. She didn’t even want exact change. She’d put up with it. She’d make 97 cents for you, even though they’re fresh out of dimes.

“I did know that. Did you know Cary Elwes broke his toe on said ATV?”

“I did not. How’d he manage that?”

“His foot got caught on the petal and I guess it was enough to break his toe.”

“Oh wow.”

“Sorry, it’s uh, a little over.” Your fingers brushed her palm as you handed her the coins.

“Thank you,” she whispered and you felt the chill of her hand, but you wanted nothing more than to warm them in yours and never let go. She never counted change so fast, just to get to give it to you faster; for your fingertips to brush again. “Um, heh–“ she cut herself off for fear of further embarrassment.

“Sorry?”

“What?”

“You were saying something.”

“Yeah, it was dumb. I don’t–“

“It’s not dumb.”

“Yeah?”

“Now I’m curious so you kind of have to tell me now.”

“I suppose I do then. Do you want–” she huffed and started over. “Are you doing anything Thursday night?”

“I’m working til 6, but I’m free after that.”

“Yeah, at the- the arcade.”

“The arcade, yes. But what were you thinking?”

“Hm?”

“You asked if I was busy, was that just out of curiosity or did you want to go out?”

“Go out?”

“Is that a question?”

Robin just then noticed how close both of you were leaning on the counter. “Um, heh,” she cleared her throat with an awkward laugh. “They're having a special showing, at the drive in, just a town over, and uh, I was wondering if you–If you’d wanna go with me?”

“I’d love to, but I don’t have a car, my brother has it that day.”

“I don’t either.”

“My brother usually picks me up, we get off work at the same time so he could just drive me over to yours and we can figure out something else?”

“If you really want to go, we should go. I really want to take you.” You both smiled brighter than the sun at that. But then Robin had to go and have the worst idea of her life. Worse than following a middle schooler into a secret Russian bunker. “Maybe, uh, Steve could drive us?” She definitely saw the way both corners of your mouth dropped, but you were quick to pick them back up.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s uh, that’d be great. Pick me up at 6:15, yeah? Give me a chance to get ready and then we’ll go?” Robin nodded, mortified, dying on the inside, how could she be such an idiot. You spoke while walking backwards towards the door, “Great, you have my number. Give me a call if anything changes.” You never speed walked to the car. You didn’t even have the chance to turn the key in before you were throwing your head back against the rest. “Fuck, fuck, fuuuck,” then you realized you walked out empty handed. No tape in sight. “Goddamn it.” You were not going back in there.

***

“Oooohhh, is somebody ready for their big date?” Cecelia, your coworker, walked into the bathroom where you were checking your eyeliner in the mirror.

“It’s not a date.”

“The drive in with Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington? Sounds like a date to me.”

“He’s just dropping us off.” You so, so, so carefully fixed a flake of mascara without messing up the rest of the look.

“Oh, so you’re going with someone else?” Cecelia leaned her back against the small cabinet diagonal from the 2 stalls. “Tell me everything.”

“You know the girl he works with, Robin?” She cocked her head. “Buckley?” Still nothing. “Dirty blonde, in the marching band, plays the trumpet, took AP Spanish freshman year? It was a whole thing.”

“Oh her. Yes, yes, I know her…You’re going on a date with her?”

“Well, I was kinda hoping yeah, but now she’s having Steve drive us ‘cause neither of us have a car, so now I just don’t know.”

“But you want it to be a date?” She stepped up to you and licked her thumb to fix your lipstick.

“Yeah.”

“Then kick him out. Make him fetch you guys some drinks, some popcorn. Tell him to see how many numbers he can get before the Fire Swamp.”

“They’re like a bonded pair! I can’t just separate them like that.”

“You can and you must.” And then she checked her watch. “Better watch it, Sappho. You’re cuttin it close. All that yearning is gonna make you late.”

“Fuuuuckkk.” You groaned then practically ran out the door.

Right out the door and right into Robin.

“Hi,” you smiled regardless of the disappointment in the lack of romantic undertones. You smiled big, and so did she, like your faces didn’t know how to do anything else when you looked at each other.

“Hi, how– how are you? I didn’t mean to scare you, they told me you’d be back here and I didn’t want to seem like a jerk and wait in the car for you to come out because that’d be– that’d be pretty, really shitty. And… yeah, how are you?” You were surprised she didn’t run out of breath, she hasn’t run herself out like that to you in a while. She hasn’t been nervous around you like that in a while.

“I’m good, better now that you’re here. How are you?”

“Good, really good. It starts at 7 but we should get going now if you want a good spot.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“Perfect…I, uh, I hope you don’t mind, Steve brought Max and El, the boys had a campaign and they were all bored.”

Everything she says makes this less and less of a date. Whatever, doesn’t matter, you’ll take her in whatever way you can get her.

“No, that's ok. They’re cool.”

“The coolest.” She offered you her arm which you gladly took.

You’d known each other for months, why did it feel like you didn’t know what to do with each other.

“Hey, how’s it goin?” Steve asked when he got out to open the back door for both of you.

“Good, pretty good. I’m excited for tonight.”

“Good. I should warn you, me and the kids–” “We’re not kids.” “ –will probably be taking off early, Max wants to go look at some supernatural museum she found nearby, but we’ll definitely be back to pick you guys up. It’s a pretty short walk.”

“We have to walk there?!” Max asked with enough attitude to rival Mike’s. Steve gave her a look paired with a sharp nod trying to get her into the front seat. Trying his hardest to be a good wingman.

She shook her head and mouthed fine, then El took the middle seat and Max did the same head nod with her to get her to one side. Robin slid in first to take the middle and you got the seat next to her.

It was a fun ride, Steve and the girls were at their funniest, doing their best to paint Robin in only the most complimenting light. You got the perfect spot. Not too close to the front or back, the perfect distance to see the whole screen but not have it in your face and the concession stand was far enough that it was a walk but there’d be none of it’s traffic buzzing around you.

Somehow, Robin convinced you to stay behind and fix the radio to the right frequency while Steve took her to get a pep talk drinks and popcorn before he left.

“You’re gonna be fine. You were great in the car.”

“Steve, no, listen to me, I cannot do this alone. You cannot leave me.”

“Robin, listen to me. Ok? The whole time in the car she was smiling, she’s having a great time. She really likes you. You feel that electricity?”

“What?”

“The electricity? Between you guys, it’s like off the charts. You got this, man. You’re fine.” He put a hand on her shoulder and El handed her the massive popcorn from one side and Max gave her the extra large slushy with two straws from the other. Then they both gave her big smiles and two thumbs up.

“You got this,” El said and Max gave her another pat on the shoulder and off she went.

You had just got the radio right when you saw her coming down the row of cars. Clearly, her hands were overfull so just as she came up to the car you opened the door and oh fuck.

In a flash of blue, slushie was all over. All over Robin, that is. “Oh thank god none of it got in the car.” She gasped, though her lips were on their way to turning just as blue.

“Robin, no, what about you?!” The urgency was enough to pull you over the center console rather than out the door and around the front to brush off the few pieces that clumped together. “Are you ok?! I don’t care about the car. I’m so sorry, my depth perception has been so messed up from staring at the computer all day, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was– I wasn’t thinking.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” she mumbled.

“Come on, let’s go change.” You started pulling her in the direction of the bathrooms.

“Into what, I’m soaked.”

“Yeah and if you don’t get into something dry; like my sweatshirt that I promise you I don’t need before you try and tell me I’ll be cold; you’ll freeze.”

“I really don’t– You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. Come on.”

You took her into the family one, the big clean one right in the center of all the rest. “Here.” You pulled off the big, fluffy, crew neck and she thought she’d drop dead when she caught sight of the way your shirt rose up the slightest bit. You held it out to her and it took her a second to remember that she wasn’t dreaming.

“Thank you,” and leave it to Robin Buckley to say the dumbest joke at the worst moment. Just as she was about to pull her soaked shirt over her head, “Wow, and here I was thinking we’d get to at least a third date before you got me in such a compromising position.” She said with an unforced laugh at the end with her head still deep inside her sweatshirt so she didn’t see the feature film that was your face trying to figure out what she meant.

“This is a date?”

Really catching her off guard while she’s pulling a soaked bra, now probably stained blue, out of the sleeve.

“Uh, did you– I just– I thought–” She tried to go for the door but you caught her eye.

“I want it to be.”

“You do?”

“I’ve been tearing myself up all week ‘cause I wasn’t sure. But I really wanted it to be. So,, is it?”

She nodded fervently, “Yes, yeah, absolutely.”

“Good, so uh, do you maybe wanna go get some hot chocolates instead and we can take that blanket Steve was trying to be sneaky about and cuddle in the back seat?”

“As you wish.”

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