#I’ve embraced the old person vibes
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Whumptober day 29- troubled past resurfacing
Ammon meets Wild! It goes fantastic! :D (it doesn’t)
Warnings: panic, near vomiting, implied character death, bad vibes all around :(
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Wild observed the world around him, it all looking unfamiliar to him. He wasn’t sure what had happened, he was with the other heroes fighting a puppet who attacked Hyrule, until the world disappeared around him, and he was thrown into a forest. He walked around, hoping to find the others, but there was no one there. At least it was a normal forest, with animals bouncing around and watching him cautiously as he stepped on leaves and twigs. When he finally left the forest and entered a field, he saw that this place wasn’t his Hyrule, but it did have a castle and villages scattered across it, so he was sure that he was in one of the other’s Hyrule. Which meant that they were here, they had to be. He started walking towards the nearest village, it looking like a ranch of sorts, until he got a strange sense of deja vu. He looked behind him and stared at trees, wondering why he was suddenly getting this feeling.
“Link!”
Wild spun around and was pulled into a tight hug. He was surprised at the sudden hug, and he wondered who could be embracing him like this without any warning. The person had short hair that was only slightly darker than his own, and he seemed to have a Sheikah prosthetic replacing his left arm. Wild didn’t dare reciprocate, he didn’t know anyone who looked like this. The person pulled back and Wild was able to see his face, and he felt his whole body go numb. Blue eyes that matched his own stared back at him, and a relieved smile was on his face.
“I finally found you, my boy! I was so worried when I heard about the puppeteer abducting you, I’ve been searching for you for ages now—“
Wild only stared in shock as the man continued to ramble. His face, his expressions, his scruffy beard around his mouth, it all felt so comforting and so… familiar. Soon, Wild’s whole world disappeared around him, his stomach flipped as the familiar feeling of remembering an old memory came in. Wild closed his eyes as the world around him was spinning, making him dizzy and nauseous, until it was finally over, and a feeling of dread rested within his stomach.
Link was running to a gatehouse, his grip around Zelda’s hand tightening, making sure that she didn’t fall behind. The monsters behind them were closing in and Link could hear their snarling and grunting as if they were right in front of him. He ignored the feeling of fear and picked up his pace, practically dragging poor Zelda across the cobblestone bridge. He saw soldiers opening up the gate and calling for them, and both the knight and the princess safely made it inside. He heard orders being given, and then he heard explosions. One of the cannons blew up the monsters pursuing him and Zelda, and the gate was closed.
The princess started gagging, trying to catch her breath from running so fast, and Link gently rubbed her back.
“I’m sorry Zelda,” he whispered, struggling to catch his breath as well. “I’m sorry.”
Zelda only gasped in response, doing everything in her power not to throw up. The soldiers around them got to their side, some comforting the princess, while the others huddled around Link, making sure he was alright.
“You’re safe here, for now,” one of the men reassured, looking out through the gate.
“Yes, for now. But if those guardians find out where we are—“
“Shush!”
The soldiers looked at Zelda who was now crying, and they grew silent for a bit.
“Our main priority is to protect the princess.”
Link turned around to see who said that, and he saw his father. He was disheveled, with his Royal guard outfit ripped all over. His hat was missing, and he had a deep cut on his cheek, but his blue eyes were soft when they looked at Link.
“F-father,” Link stammered, and his father knelt down at his side.
“Link, I’m so happy to see you’re alive.”
Link almost broke down sobbing right there, but he stopped himself. He was surrounded by soldiers who depended on him, he needed to keep his composure.
“S-s-sir Ammon,” Zelda choked out. She sat up, still shaking rather violently. “M-my father… is he…?”
Ammon’s eyes filled with deep sorrow, and he looked down.
“I’m sorry princess. The king… he’s… the king is dead.”
Zelda gasped, tears flooding her eyes. She bent over sobbing, curling up on herself while Link covered his mouth in horror. The king was dead, the castle was overrun, Ganon…. He won. Link buried his face in his hands. How could he have let this happen? He was the hero. He had the Master sword. They had all the champions, the divine beasts and the guardians, how could they…?
A horrific realization hit Link. Ganon took control of the guardians, so what about the divine beasts? Were the champions…. Were they alright?
Ammon’s hand rested on Link’s back, grounding him. Tears pricked at his eyes as the realization that everything was falling apart. His whole life, his home, his friends, how would they even survive this?
“Link, princess Zelda, I need you both to listen to me,” Ammon said softly but firmly, “you two need to run as far away from the castle as possible. You’re our last hope. With the master sword and Zelda’s sealing power, we may be able to win this—“
“How? How can we win this?” Zelda yelled, practically hysterical, “I couldn’t unlock my sealing power then, how—how can I unlock it now?”
Ammon gripped her upper arm, staring into her emerald green eyes. She stopped shaking slightly and stared back at him.
“You can do it, I know you can,” he said. Zelda looked at Link and he nodded as well. She took a deep breath and nodded herself. Ammon smiled and continued, “Now, we will hold off the monsters so you both can escape safely but—“
“Wait,” Link stopped his father. “You’re not coming with us?”
“You’re going to need all the help you can get Link. We will hold off the guardians and monsters so you and Zelda will escape, ok?”
“I—I can't leave you!”
“You’re going to have to, Link!” Ammon nearly yelled, grabbing both his arms and looking straight into his eyes. Link was struggling to compose himself, the very thought of leaving his father behind made him want to throw up. He couldn’t do that. He was his father. The two stared at each other for a while, Link’s eyes growing wet at the thought of never seeing him again. Ammon’s hand rested on Link’s cheek and he smiled at his son. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the chilling sound of a laser being shot.
“GUARDIANS!” One of the soldiers yelled, and a laser shot through the gate, destroying most of the gatehouse except for the back. Ammon grabbed both Link and Zelda and dragged them out of the gatehouse.
“Wait, father—“ Link tried to beg, gripping onto his arms as if his life depended on it. Ammon gave him one last look before gathering him into a hug.
“I love you so much Link,” Ammon’s voice shook, and he gave his son a firm kiss on the head. Link started crying when he let go, and he was shoved harshly away from him. The gate in the back was shut closed, and Link was separated from his father.
“NO!” Link shouted, and he sprinted to the closed gate. Ammon turned away and faced the guardian that broke into the gatehouse. Link screamed as he heard lasers shooting left and right, begging to be let in, begging for his father to survive.
“Link!”
Link turned and saw Zelda trying to pull him away. More guardians were coming, and Link knew that he needed to leave. Zelda’s safety was his priority now, he needed to keep her safe. He wiped his eyes and grabbed Zelda’s hand, sprinting away from the fallen gatehouse. He pushed his emotions down and kept running. He kept running even when his legs burned, even when his lungs and throat burned, even when he wanted to fall and curl up in his grief, he kept running.
And running.
And running.
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“Link! Link, snap out of it!”
Ammon shook his son gently, trying to get him to open his eyes. He didn’t know what happened, he found his son, he hugged him, and then he spaced out, almost as if he was dreaming. But it seemed more like a nightmare he was going through. His face was pinched in pain, and tears started streaming down his eyes, but his eyes stayed closed. Ammon stepped back, trying to figure out what to do. Link had never done this before, in fact, Ammon had never seen anything like this, so he just sat there, panicking as his son cried. Finally, he opened his eyes with a gasp. He looked around, dazed and confused, until his eyes landed on Ammon.
“Link?” Ammon said softly, and his boy took a step back. “Link? What’s going on?”
Link turned on his heel and started walking away, hugging himself. Ammon blinked, surprised at his reaction.
“Link— Link wait!” Ammon called out, grabbing his son’s arm, and Link pulled against him harshly. Ammon stared at his wet face, tears streaming down his face, his hair sticking to his cheeks.
“P-please,” Link whispered, his voice shaking, “it hurts too much.”
Ammon’s mouth fell open, what hurt? What hurt too much?
“Link?”
“Father?”
Ammon turned around and gasped. It was… Link? No but Link was right in front of him, right? Ammon observed the boy right in front of him and noticed the scars. How did he notice them now? The scars were all too familiar to Ammon, scars from guardian lasers, he bore his own on his nub of an arm. Confusion hit Ammon, and he let go of the boy in front of him, who ripped away and sprinted into the forest. Ammon stood there in shock, watching as the crying boy disappeared.
“Father?” His son said more quietly. Ammon turned slowly to him, confusion apparent on his face.
“Who—who was that?” Ammon asked in a quiet voice. Link pursed his lips and looked down.
“We call him Wild. He… he’s from the future where… the calamity won.”
Realization hit Ammon like a brick wall, and he covered his mouth.
“Oh—oh goddesses.” Ammon turned back to the forest where Wild ran, despair overwhelming him. “Oh goddesses…”
Link came up behind him and rested his hand on Ammon’s shoulder.
“You didn’t know,” he said softly, and tears welled up in Ammon’s eyes.
That poor boy…
Link pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back gently while Ammon played the events through his head.
“Oh that poor boy,” he whimpered, and Link gave him a tighter squeeze.
“You didn’t know,” he said again, and the two held each other after being apart for so long.
#oof#smiles writes#whumptober#whumptober 2023#whumptober day 29#I don’t have tomorrow’s written ! 😃👍#and I do inventory tonight AAAUGH#anyways uh#this one is sad#link between links#lbl Wild#lbl age#strangers across eras
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five reasons why you ship gendrya?
1. they complement each other.
arya and gendry have a lot of qualities in common, but many of their most prominent traits are complementary. arya is sociable and friendly. gendry is more reserved and standoffish. arya is audacious and focused on the big picture. gendry is cautious and detailed orientated. arya is becoming skilled at concealment, but gendry is transparent. the combination of traits is what makes them such a good team. its not just personality, though. i’ve always felt that arya/gendry are a great example of an ice and fire pairing in asoiaf. arya is water/the north/the old gods/quick/lady/trueborn/sword and gendry is fire/the south/r’hllor/strong/lowborn/bastard/shield. honestly, they’re just a good match. gendry is strong and brave and loyal he’s the perfect partner for arya. he’s every bit as stubborn as her too so arya cant just railroad him into doing what she wants.
2. similar experiences
before they even meet they have scenes with ned who notes their resemblance to lyanna and robert respectively, but more importantly he tries to take their treasured items and a/g are totally defiant. later, they both flee kings landing together as they’re pursued by the same enemy which set them apart from the very beginning. “only gendry was different” arya recognizes this and trusts him bc of it. nearly every experience after the fact? they share: the battles, the starvation, the imprisonment, the trauma of the war. they went through all of that together. they played mom and dad to their little band of war orphans. which i think creates a level of understanding that few others could truly relate to. this theme continues even after they’re separated too. they're seeking justice, but their trauma and grief lead them both to religious cults that are dark, teaching them to kill regardless of guilt as per their boss who is the embodiment of death. gendry’s is a vengeful zombie (who also happens to be arya’s mother) and arya's the many faced god. they are BOTH serving death. this is genuinely one of my fave things about them as a ship.
3. “but gendry came back” + “i don’t care what you say, i’m going back for him”
when everyone left arya and that baby behind gendry went back for them. he tries to get arya to go thru the tunnel before he does. when they run from harrenhal gendry is the one who convinces arya to stop and sleep. he lets her eat before him at the inn of the kneeling man too. he protects her and her identity. “she’s not alone. do like she says and leave us be” arya does the same for him. she shares her rabbit leg with gendry. she went after him when he was captured by the mountain’s men. she wanted him to go home with her to meet her mother and “stay” she frequently reflects on gendry’s counsel and how it was wise even if she couldnt see it in the moment. “and Arya knew he was right.” theres mutual respect and care.
4. the playful vibe
as a pair they really do bring a youthful, fresh, energy to the story. acorn hall does 98% of the heavy lifting to lighten up what is otherwise a very dark book. theres also not a lot of friendship based ships in asoiaf. i actually cannot think of even one other example in the main series. which makes them a unique dynamic in this universe. and their scenes are just fun! like even when they’re fighting. everything from “then pull your cock out and take a piss” to “would m’lady permit????” and “you stupid stupid stupid STUPID” and “not the fucking moss again” (paraphrased) plus they hit a lot of tropes i personally enjoy. uptown girl, lady and knight, unresolved romantic tension, battle couple, like an old married couple, eating the eye candy, childhood friend to lovers, ect.
5: “she was much the same at winterfell”
harwin says this to arya when gendry is being scolded and i love it so much. its about how a/g in relation to arya's identity. because with gendry arya can embrace her true self. she doesn’t have to be on guard. she doesn’t have to put on an act for survival. when everyone else sees arry or weasel or nan gendry knows the truth. she’s just “arya” when he asks her to go to the smithy to have a look. arya finally gets a chance to just play again. gendry is one of the few people she can truly be herself with and in an arc thats defined by identity that in itself is so significant. and then theres: “those soft little things?” gendry has seen arya’s hands covered in the blood of her enemies, LITERALLY, and he still thinks they’re soft and little. one of arya’s greatest fears is that she won’t be wanted because she doesnt meet an arbitrary femininity standard and on account of the things she’s done to survive. but gendry has seen arya in rags, shaved head, eating worms, slitting throats, and thought “she’s the one” lol
bonus: the potential
arya/gendry already has a great foundation going into the last two books. they're hardly an eleventh hour ship. but theres still so much to explore at the same time. they’ve grown up a lot. i wanna see what their dynamic looks like with the romantic subtext turned up a bit. theres a lot of foreshadowing suggesting their relationship will continue to be important. ive made this comparison before and i know its corny but they really are just this little acorn of potential that could grow into a tree so strong it can weather any storm.
#asoiaf nonsense#gendrya#lest anyone think im not still insane about them#im forcing myself to hit post now so i dont try and add more
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If there was a re-boot of sailor moon with you writing it I would CONSUME that stuff. Your headcanons and concepts sound so much cooler than the original show :') (I still love the og show dearly, but like- yours just has a more complex vibe and I'm living for it.)
Also question, what do you mean by princess serenity being jealous that Usagi gets to live life and not her? Is it sort of like an inner voice for Usagi and the other guardians??
Hi First I wanna mention that this is also a very old ask and it came out before I posted my summary for my AU season 2, which goes into further details about Serenity. Second of all, Thank you so much!
It means a lot that people are not only willing to listen to me babble about my AU, but that they ask so many questions about it, it’s heartwarming, truly! <3 <3
Though, getting back to your Princess Serenity question, Princess Serenity doesn’t ‘despise’ Usagi as a person, she just feels an immense resentment toward her existence after Minako points out that Serenity is stealing her life.
Quick recap, Serenity back in silmil accepted a deal by Venus to let herself be killed by Venus’ sword so that her soul would persist through the next life, lying dormant within Usagi til the right moment where Serenity could regain control of her new reincarnated body and get to live a new fair life.
She, much like Queen Serenity (way more so than her tho), is not an outright malicious person, she doesn’t willingly choose to make decisions that will cause harm to others. She does feel good about helping other people, but not it at the cost of depriving herself from goods, services, people, etc.. cause she was lead to believe she’s deserving of such privileges. To her they aren’t privileges, gifts, they are a RIGHT, much like life. Her new life is something the universe owes her, her past life was terrible, she deserves to live free from the responsibility of being Queen and just live happily with her lover.
Much like many people, Serenity chooses to turn her cheek to things she doesn’t wanna see and closes herself in a reality where she can be happy. In silmil it was her life with her ‘friend’ Venus and especially her lover Endymion, choosing to stay oblivious of the suffering of humans back on Earth and the suffering of her fellow soldiers. She doesn’t like being accused that her ignorance and selfishness could be a direct cause of people’s suffering.
And this is where Usagi comes into the picture. Why does Usagi deserve this new life more than her? The universe gave HER her rightful second chance, Usagi well, Serenity’s mentality when directly addressed to this is basically “sucks for her” (tho she wouldn’t say this out loud cause it would undeniably confirm to herself and others that she IS selfish and she IS NOT ‘oblivious’ to it anymore, she’s actively choosing self preservation over the given life of another).
At the beginning Serenity only manifests in a “feeling” when interacting with Mamoru, it’s not a particularly strong one, it doesn’t affect Usagi’s feelings toward him apart from the feeling of “I feel like I’ve seen you before”, tho as the season goes on, her presence is more and more felt, not only by Usagi, but also the people around her and it all ’explodes’ at the moment of Rei’s ‘death’ in season 1 (tldr, the senshi except Usagi and Mina are called to a mission which is in reality a booby trap by Kunzite and Zoisite, the girls get their shit kicked in and when Usagi appears she pleads to give the Crystal for their lives. Kunzite ‘accepts’ but tried to kill Usagi regardless, Rei steps in the way and gets stabbed). At this point Serenity comes to Usagi as a force, rendering her hollow, much like Serenity is shown in her first appearance in the anime, but much scarier, sending her now hollow senshi (Mercury and Jupiter) to brutally attack the 2 generals, while she embraces Rei, healing her just in time. Venus comes in and bashes Usagi on the head, severing the fragile connection between Usagi and Serenity at that moment and returning Jupiter and Mercury to their status quo.
From then on Serenity’s voice is ever so present within Usagi, but Usagi chooses to be silent about it with the others, thinking it might just be the Silver Crystal and her ally (Serenity keeping quiet on who she rlly is and her true intentions, the only reason she even communicates with Usagi is to make sure she prioritizes Endymion’s safety).
Other than her, Venus and Mars are really the only inners to keep a fairly strong connection to their reincarnated ‘selves’.
I’ve explained Venus’ role int he story many times, so I’ll keep it brief and just mention the ways she keeps contact with Mina. She torments Mina on a daily basis, depending how far into the seasons, she can just be a voice within Mina, to appearing as outright hallucinations.
She will appear through reflections, speak to her through tvs, radios and even in writings. When her connection is weaker, she just limits to mimicking and using voices around Mina, but as the connection grows stronger, she will be able to fully use her own voice/appearance to communicate with her.
At the beginning Mina was fairly trusting of her, while still being skeptical of the whole deal around silmil, she listened to Venus’ demands to fully dedicate herself into becoming a sailor senshi and become a good leader, otherwise, she thought, it would cause the fall of civilization as they know it and the death of her ‘soon to be’ teammates by the hands of the Dark kingdom. During this period Venus could be considered almost a mentor to Mina, while keeping a sharp edge on her approach. Using intimidation, mockery and guilt-tripping as her main forms of manipulation.
As for Mars, she is very low key with her approach of interacting with Rei. Unlike Venus, Mars is a genuinely good person, only wishing to guide Rei, but not being willing to step over the line if Rei steps up boundaries with her. Her main way of communication with Rei is through visions, offering Rei guidance and a helping hand, understanding the heavy toll recurring visions can have on someone and the enormous responsibility this role carries.
As for Mercury and Jupiter, they have little no interest (or means) to interact with their reincarnations. Jupiter much less so, honestly being content to just cease existing. While Mercury only appearing to Ami during the very few moments she’s ‘allowed’ to (ex. Sailor Mercury’s transformation, appearing as a sort of sinister figure who passes down the torch to Ami, as to say). Still she has little interest to interact with this new vessel, embellishing in her own amusement while sitting on the back lines, watching over the ever evolving car crash taking place. Life is such a curios thing.
Small elements of their personality re-emerging when Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mercury are taken over by Serenity and the Silver Crystal. Mercury constantly presenting an eerie amused smile while Jupiter taking the whole opposite stand, never smiling, hunching over, seeming to sulk in her own miserable existence.
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Good Vibes Tuesday
Thank you @smblmn and @chelle-68 for tagging me 💖
Like so many of you, I was struck by reading everyone’s Mournful Monday posts - not just by the way so many of us are struggling in so many different ways, but by the kindness and grace that accompanied the reflection and responses to everyone else; the notes to encourage us to keep going, to remind us why we write, that what we say and do matters to others, that we matter.
So this good vibes Tuesday (it is Wednesday for me, as always, I live in the future), the thing that makes me happy about fandom today is this fandom - Schitt’s Creek fandom specifically, aka you.
I know that there have been issues within the fandom from time to time: across platforms, in the form of anons trying to cause Drama™, due personal conflicts etc. No fandom is ever completely drama free. But for the most part? This fandom is a safe space. It’s a fandom where I’ve made life long friends, a place that helped me to rediscover a creative side to myself that had been lost for 20-odd years (yes, I am that old), a place that led me to find other fandoms and friends whom I adore and could not be without.
The thing about this fandom though, the thing that is noticeable to those outside it, the thing that is commented on, is that it really is a community based in kindness.
Our beautiful show ended years ago and yet we are still here with fandom surveys, incredibly well organised writing events, weekly drabbles to keep us inspired, photos of the day and polls and ask games. There are events to encourage people to read older, or lesser known fics and to leave comments for authors. We are gifted with amazing infographics, fun stickers and fan art and gif sets. And, occasionally, we follow each other into new fandoms too.
There is SO MUCH incredible writing produced in this fandom and the way that writers are embraced and encouraged because fandom is a community and not a competition is truly heartwarming.
Maybe this shouldn’t be a surprise, not when we’re here for the love of a show that is rooted in showing the importance of love and kindness, not when Dan Levy’s message is to love unconditionally and out loud, that kindness always wins.
So thank you, all of you, for making this fandom what it is 💖
I’m so reluctant to tag people on this because I don’t want to leave people out, but here goes: @hippolotamus @stereopticons @this-is-bwr @petalwritesx @maxbegone @mostlyinthemorning @celeritas2997 @treluna4 @cheesecurdsgravyandfries @reasonandfaithinharmony @ramonaflow @mammameesh @rosedavid @jesuisici33 @steviestoospooky @obsessedwithdavrick @wordthieve @noahreids @lilythesilly @danieljradcliffe @lightningboltreader @actual-sleeping-beauty @bestwisheswarmregards @doublel27 @blueink3 @trickiwooao3 @distractivate @likerealpeopledo-on-ao3 @swearphil @saraminia @sarahlevys @lizzie-bennetdarcy @jettestar @dinnfameron @neelyo67 @missgeevious okay my memory is failing me now, but there are so many more of you who should be here too, I’m sorry x
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🎀💝 Princess Of The Koopas 💝🎀
So… October 20th was quite a ✨ wonderful ✨ day, huh?
Bad pun aside, Super Mario Wonder dropped a couple of days ago, and I can’t wait to play as my queens Peach and Daisy (mostly Daisy, because she deserves it 🌼). I haven’t made any art of the game just yet, but I will soon in the near future.
For now, enjoy some more Blacktober art from me this time featuring my girl, Wendy. It’s been quite a long while since I’ve last made some gijinka fanart 🙃
I’m fully aware that Wendy does have a human version of herself from the SMB3 DiC cartoon from the 90s, but this is my own personal take on what a human Wendy would look like.
Speaking of which, I mostly based my human design for her on the DiC version of her (AKA, Kootie Pie), because, unpopular opinion, I like her design way more than the regular version of her. I’m still not too big on her personality, but I just really like her design. I’ve always thought her beauty mark, cupid’s bow lips and the bow on her tail were super pretty, and it really suited her since she is a tomboy who embraces her hyper-femininity. Meanwhile with regular Wendy, I just never liked her Cheep-Cheep lookin’ ahh lips, they just looked so weird to me 💀
Gave my human Wendy a cute, curly blonde pixie cut, dressed her up in a super cute pink and white dress that I found on Pinterest, and gave her hoop earrings to complement her hoop bracelets. Also gave her dimples because I thought she’d look pretty with them.
Like my previous Wendy post, I wanted to go for a Bimbocore and Bubblegum Bitch vibe for the whole art, because this is Wendy we’re talking about, she’s essentially the personification of the 💅 emoji.
And while the series has never really clarified the age of Wendy (or for the entire Koopalings and Bowser Jr. for that matter), I wanted to make my human version of her around 15-16 years old, since she does act like a typical teenage girl when she’s not taking over the Mushroom Kingdom with her brothers.
🎀 💋 💄
#blacktober#blacktober 2023#super mario#super mario bros 3#super mario world#new super mario bros#super mario fanart#wendy o koopa#wendy koopa#wendy#nintendo#nintendo fanart#female villain#villainess#gijinka#humanization#black girl#black girl art#koopaling#bimbocore#bubblegum bitch#spoiled brat
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Chat GPT couldn’t write My Immortal
So the fun thing about Chat GPT is that is the worst writer I have ever interacted with, but it is bad in a special unique way that a full decade of over-involvement on a bad fanfic forum could not have prepared me for. I legitimately think My Immortal is better written in most ways (except technically obvs). Maybe I just hate the feeling of getting thru several paragraphs and realizing I’ve read basically nothing, idk, but at least My Immortal is interesting and sometimes things happen in it. I can’t even prompt Chat GPT into giving me outfit descriptions that are as good as Tara’s! I’ve tried!
So for shits and giggles I prompted Chat GPT to write like Tara. The best part was I phrased it like a question so it responded with “OMG!!111 I can totally do that for you!” But overall it did a pretty shitty job. I thought I would share anyway.
Part I
First I tried to get it to describe a character’s outfit, as mentioned. It started okish but without and of the characteristic bad grammar and spelling errors:
So, like, his outfit was, like, so edgy and gothic, it was like a total masterpiece of dark fashion. His go-to look was a black turtleneck, which hugged his rock-hard bod in all the right ways,
Chat GPT loves to just fixate on one aspect of the prompt you give it, so it couldn’t help but regurgitate a phrase I used in the most awkward way it could:
And OMG, let's talk about his pants, or should I say "pant-adjacent abomination"? LOL!
But eventually it became less Tara and more like a parody of gen Z:
The fabric, in all its darkness, flowed and draped in this super cool way, embracing the curves and angles of his legs. It was like fashion magic, I tell you!
But the best part? The lower part of the pants had all these intricate pleats and folds. They, like, embraced his leg structure and gave his outfit this rebellious and avant-garde vibe.
It was a fashion statement that screamed, "I'm unique, I'm fierce, and I'm ready to kick some serious ass!
The fabric had this rad texture, adding that extra touch of awesomeness to his ensemble. It was a fusion of practicality and personal style, showing the world that Gargoyle was not just a badass protector but a fashion icon in his own right.
As if Tara would ever use the word “avant-garde”. Or “vibe” for that matter.
It did end with my favorite touch tho:
It was a style statement that only a true goth queen like him could pull off with such dark grace.
OK Chat GPT, you got me there. It’s still wrong, but I like it.
Part II
Next I gave it a completely different prompt from something I’ve been working on. This one is like one of those Korean webtoons where people die and get reincarnated as their younger selves but Chat GPT took a couple creative liberties (surprisingly rare, but always a delight):
Wretch woke up, feeling soooo goffik and angsty. He sat up in his bed, his long, black hair cascading around his pale face. He looked around the room, which was still a dark and brooding place, just like he left it. But something was off. He felt strange, like he was trapped in a bad fanfiction crossover. He touched his long, silky hair, shocked to find it was no longer jet black but now a shimmering shade of silver. "What the hell?" he muttered to himself, his voice deep and mysterious.
He got out of bed and stood in front of the mirror, his black eyeliner perfectly applied. He gasped when he saw his reflection. Staring back at him was a much younger version of himself, no older than 10 years old. His face was chubby and innocent, so different from his usual brooding and menacing appearance. "How the f*** did this happen?" he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair, which was no longer slicked back but loose and flowing.
I’m not sure why getting younger changed his hair color, but ok. The My Immortal-ness of it is so obviously surface level tho. IDK if it is as clear when you ask it to pretend to be Stephan King or whatever, but here is it pretty clear it’s only picking up on a couple key traits.
The weird thing about this one is it must be getting some of its information about how to write this from parodies because the meta “jokes” don’t stop coming:
Was this some kind of twisted nightmare or a poorly written plot twist?
The realization hit him like a poorly spelled Avada Kedavra.
Umm, excuse me, but Tara would never.
One thing I will give it tho, its extremely awkward use of swears, especially from adult figures, is very good:
Valorous turned to face Wretch, a look of confusion on his face. "Wretch? What's going on? Why do you look like a f***ing child?
Wretch scowled at Valorous, his dark eyes narrowing. "I don't know what the f*** is happening, but Verity's here, and I need to find her. This could be our chance to finally end this endless war and... maybe even find love or some s***," he said, his voice laced with a hint of doubt.
This also ends on a pretty good note:
But seriously, what the
Yeah, I agree.
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8 shows to get to know me
thanks for the tag @jwilliambyers !! <3 sorry it took a little while for me to reply heheh but now that i’m back from my tumblr break let me answer!!
1) supernatural. i feel like this one is pretty obvious LOL this show…….. permanently changed my brain chemistry- for better or for worse who can truly tell,,, but seriously, i had SUCH an attachment to this show as a 13/14/15 year old and at the time it was like,, the only important thing in my life lmao. it was the best show in the world and i lived and breathed spn for many of my teenage years…. and even though now i do recognize that it’s not the best i still love rewatching spn, it brings me a sort of comfort that’s hard to explain! and when i was struggling with things as a young teenager, spn was what i always turned to to make me feel better :’) plus,,, it was my introduction to tumblr fandoms lmao so. you’ve all got spn to thank for this account i guess!!!
2) derry girls. i finally watched this show a few weeks ago and i binged it all in just a few days because everything about it was AMAZING!!! i loved all the characters so much and i loved how this show really embraced its silliness. i feel like we don’t have enough “silly” shows and derry girls is just the perfect example of an amazing silly show!!! i highly recommend it to everyone!!
3) how to get away with murder. this show was SO GOOD and so so intense,, like i was stressed out every single episode lmao. but in a good way! i loved all (well, most) of the characters and this show does such a good job of getting you very attached to certain characters……. and then breaking your heart bc of them :’) the amount of times i cried aahh!!! also, all the plot twists are super well done in my opinion!! such an insane show i was literally watching like 😨😨😨 90% of the time lmao. also, queer rep!!!!
4) gilmore girls. okay. i am both a gilmore girls lover AND a gilmore girls hater. there are certain parts of this show that i absolutely adore and that make it such a comfort show for me, but other parts (and characters…) that annoyed me so much that it actually made me stop watching the show for the while lmao. but overall i do really like gilmore girls, it’s both a comfort show and a hatewatching show to me hehehe. the vibes of season 1 in stars hollow is unmatched though!!!
5) great pretender. i think great pretender is probably my favourite anime! i love a good found family heist story so this really just hit all the marks for me hehehe and in case you couldn’t tell,,, im a very character-driven person with my media, so if there are good characters in a show, there is a 99% chance that i will just love that show regardless of the plot lmao. i love laurent and makoto and abby and cynthia so much ;-; i also just loved all the twists and turns that this anime took, it’s unlike any other anime i’ve watched and agh!!!!! it’s incredible :’)
6) mob psycho 100. mp100 is like the perfect mix of shounen with action and fighting and stuff (and all the fight scenes are AMAZING like the animation ???? it’s so good oh my god and im not even the biggest shounen fan) with like. just slice of life and it’s so perfect :’) it’s so fun to watch, but it’s such a well written and exciting story and of course. AMAZING CHARACTERS!!!!!
7) haikyuu. haikyuu was one of the first animes i ever watched back in like 2014! so again, it has a very special place in my heart :’) i never thought i could care this much about a volleyball team but i do!! also, the rewatchability of haikyuu is UNMATCHED,, i think i’ve rewatched season 2 at least 10 times because it just brings me so much joy!! and again, i don’t know if i’ve watched a show with characters i care as much about as the haikyuu characters!! each and every one of them are so well-written like it’s insane to me- they’re all so good i can’t even pick a favourite!! also fun fact: haikyuu is the fandom that i’ve written the most fanfiction for! i’ve never posted any of it, but i’ve got a LOT of little haikyuu drabbles and one shots and planned-out fics in my google docs lmao- more than all my reddie fics actually! maybe i’ll post some if anyone is interested :’)
8) our flag means death. last but certainly not least,, ofmd is such a special show to me!!! i always had a little interest in pirates growing up, so when i first heard about 1. this new pirate show and 2. this new QUEER pirate show, i knew that i had to watch it!!!! and im so glad that i did because it is spectacular :’) again i feel like this is a show that embraced its silliness, but also the serious moments and plot points were so well written and such an amazing contrast to the silliness. i love this show so much and i’m so excited for season 2!!!
thank you again anita for this tag!!! im going to tag @edskasbpraks @lemonleafloser @scrunchi @reddieswift and @transkasp and anyone else who wants to do it !!!! no pressure though :)
#doing this made me realize…… i don’t watch many tv shows lmaoo#i watch lots of anime! but not a lot of like real shows haha#ask game#tag game
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Oooo if you’re open to helping us shop please help me find my wedding dress (big ask)? I feel like I’ve tried on every dress in London and am about to give up! I’m not tied to it being white (blue? metallic?) I just want it to feel special enough that I don’t look like my own guest, but not a full meringue moment because there’s only going to be 15 people total. Vibe is casual Saturday afternoon picnic in the park and drinks at our local afterwards, my budget is £2k!
Sorry I should have added that I’m super short so midis tend to fit better, maxi not really my vibe and I’m worried it might feel too formal for the picnic!
Oh my god this is my dream task. First off - congratulations! Sounds like it's going to be a beautiful wedding. Okay so I've got a few thoughts first before we dive in: (1) You can get anything shortened - I'm also relatively short (well, actually I have long torso and short legs, but works out the same) so 90% of my bottoms are tailored. And what better time to invest in some good tailoring than your wedding! Assuming the dress isn't beaded / heavy on appliques, it's usually<£30 to have something shortened, and it's the same price to have something taken up half an inch vs taken up a foot, to make a maxi tea length. So I'm going to recommend a few things that are longer but know that I always mean you should have them shortened if you want. (2) Have you thought about a veil? I just think it's the easiest, most obvious way to say 'Wedding!' but still keep things cool. Personally I love a birdcage moment but I'm also partial to a short veil, particularly if you get something meaningful embroidered on it (this one is fully customizable and I love the look of the phrase running down the side).
Okay now that we've done that, some thoughts: Rixo makes cute, special but low key dresses. For a city wedding feel, I love the shorter ones (60s vibes! This CAPE) but there's loads of cute options (remember, you can have the longer ones taken up!). They're also v affordable which is always nice.
On the less classically bridal end of the spectrum, we have La Double J who go big on color and pattern. Again, I'd consider adding a veil (maybe in a fun color?!) to feel more bridal. I'm not sure your body shape but this top and skirt combo! With a pale blue veil?! Come on. They also do have more classic bridal pieces as well. There's also Zimmerman - flirty and flouncy, their dresses have pure romantic vibes. Something like this could definitely read bridal (+ a birdcage viel and a little shrug maybe?). If you're not put off by black (again, veil and accessories can help) then this is to die for and super re-wearable. Or embrace the chill vibes and go yellow! They have loads of great options.
I'm sure you already know this but just in case: Reformation does bridal. Like their normal dresses, the options skew towards people with model proportions but they've got some gorgeous ones - love this minimal take. I'd also recommend Wolf & Badger again. Do you want to be a hot and cool minimalist? A sea foam mermaid? (I'd personally have the slits closed a bit and the whole thing taken up but that's me). A ball of spring flowers? The Badge has you covered.
And then of course, a net a porter troll. Are you a disco queen? The most elegant woman alive? (Prob not best for the park, but def could work for a pub). A garden fairy? A jumpsuit (!) babe? A queen of less is more? (maybe with tulle gloves!) A column queen? (I'd style with blue shoes that match, I have this pair from Ferragamo that I love).
Again for lots of these I think accessories are key. You add a veil, a glove (consider short too!), a white shoe and all the sudden, bang it's clearly bridal. I hope some of that is helpful, and good luck!
(okay also you did not ask about this but just a thought: you can get really beautiful, affordable, old embroidered white table clothes fairly easily online and at antique shops. How gorgeous would your wedding picnic be on all white 'blankets'? Maybe with something waterproof underneath because, London).
#this was so fun thanks babe#if you have any further revisions or thoughts happy to refine and keep searching!!#we're gonna need a tag for this huh#personal shopping#s shops#wedding#correspondence
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Hello & hope February is being decent to you! This year has been weird at work so far and I’m wondering if you might have any guidance?
Some heavy cards coming in: 3 of pentacles Rx+ 10 of swords + 10 of wands Rx + empress.
3oPrx, if you’re feeling particularly left out in the cold. Gossipy people OR just like weird energy where no one wants to put in the effort. Or if they do it’s v “pick me” energy. People don’t want to collaborate and build (I love this card upright. Reverse, it’s all wonky). Someone’s trying, but people ain’t buying.
10 of swords. I’ve had this card in my own personal reading. And it’s interesting it comes up after the coldness of the 3. Like shut out, stick a fork in it, you’re done vibe. In my circumstance, it turns out my old boss was an unsupportive person who held me back. Then when I left, she cut me out, blocked me (we had known each other for years). The sense with this card is that it’s a long-standing situation, building for a bit, and perhaps you’re a bit mentally DONE.
10oWrx. This card placement is interesting too. Normally it’s about letting go of burdens and finding a way to remove them. The reversal could be burnout. Overstimulation, and energy of just “too much.” (I’m in the upright phase of this right now and I wish people would leave me tf alone at work 😂). But it’s like taking all the mental burdens of the previous card, collecting them, and making a point to get them tf out. I’m rambling.
EMPRESS YASSSS we like her. Collect yourself. Internalize your personal power. Embrace it. Sit in it. What do YOU want? I think you’re probably strong enough to weather these setbacks. Simplify things for yourself. We go from people not being cool cat collaborators, to feeling like SHIT about it, to trying to figure out how to reset and limit burdens …to a powerful chick, deciding for HERSELF what she wants (no collaborations, thank yew) , holding precisely ONE staff, not making her back available for the stabbing. See what I mean? Just do you. Might sound like such a simple, trivial thing.
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Weird Questions ask!
3, 6, 7, 11, 13, 18, 26, and 36
Damn Pax that a lotta numbers. It’s giving 2021 Sev vibes. But thank you!! 💛
3) What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?
My writing ritual isn’t really cursed but it is lengthy. I don’t need a lucky charm or to flick the lights a certain way, but my editing process is as follows. Cry. Cry. Cry. (No I just have to go over it at least eight times in both audio and visual formatting. And considering my fics are around 8-12k a chapter, it’s a lot.)
6) What is your darkest fear about writing?
That people won’t like anything about it. I don’t mind constructive criticism, especially because I’m doing this for a degree and it’ll make me a better writer, but I just hate the idea of someone liking absolutely nothing about my work, that all of their reaction is just negative.
7) What is your deepest joy about writing?
Just the utter freedom it gives me. Cringe I know but, it really does just take me some place else and I love it. Also when I get positive feedback, that brings me so much joy.
11) Do you believe in the old advice to "kill your darlings?" Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?
Well I do and I don’t. I do in the sense that sometimes things can be unnecessary, and they need to go for the overall outcome of the story, but sometimes I just love a scene/character/line so much that I don’t want to take it out, especially if the impact isn’t changed massively, so I’m not super ruthless. Like with Greta Gerwig and Barbie, how she wouldn’t take out the scene with the old lady cause she loved it. But I do grieve sometimes, and I do have a little folder for pieces of writing that I love so much that I know I can use elsewhere if I do end up cutting them out.
13) What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?
Easy would be anything family related, I think I handle that very well. I don’t think there’s anything I can’t write about, but I definitely have a preference to avoid certain things.
18) Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.
Passage: Seren's hand dragged along the edge of the metal railing attached to the side of her hospital bed, the chilling surface instantly cooling the clammy flesh of her palm. She liked the cold, preferred it even, the cold had always been a bearable force that could be rectified with layers of clothing and hot beverages, or even embraced and allowed to consume ones person, to snap them back to the reality of the natural elements.
On the opposing end, the heat was practically inescapable, you can only extract so much coverage before you're as bare as the day you were born, and even then people fell short and were still consumed by its waves. The heat was a predetermined source of torture, and she'd had enough of it.
Four years of consistent heat, darkened hallways, cells and endless hours of binding pain were enough to convince her that moving to Alaska or Iceland didn't seem like a bad idea in the near future.
Much like a fever, hot climates were infectious too, she noticed immediately that her hand warmed the metal beneath it ever so slightly, natural body heat radiating from her skin and contaminating the opposing chill beneath it.
Heat concurred, heat destroyed. The world at its core was hot, and the world...the world at its core was evil.
This is a piece of original work I’ve been working on since I was in my teens. It’s about a story of a girl who is healing from a deep trauma, ikr so original, but it really focuses on the recovery from said trauma and how it’s not all one straight line uphill. I feel like so many thriller books focus solely on the trauma itself, and not what that trauma does to you afterwards. I also sent this to my uni professor, along with other extracts and he said it showed extreme promise. So win ig!
26) How do you get into your character's head How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?
I get in just by either watching/reading all of their clips/passages (if it’s a fanfic), and if it’s original then I literally just lay there and ✨think✨. Sometimes it isn’t nice coming out of that because I make myself cry, but the result is worth it.
36) They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?
I’m actually doing my end of semester assignment for scriptwriting on a girl who is suffering with an eating disorder, because I actually suffered with a very severe ED in my early teens. I’m doing a lot better now, that’s for sure, but those feelings and emotions are tied to me in a lot of different ways, so it makes for good writing material (which sounds grim doesn’t it).
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(407-422 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28])
names and thoughts below cut
407/ VA - Mirror Image: A Link to the Past ReMixed (2017)
the !!!s:
"Once Upon an Adventure" stuck with me most i think. the sound design!!
"Excuse Me, Princess" fun take on an underrated theme
"Dungeon Shuffle" peak blind banger
"The Darkest World" rly cool arrangement here
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408/ Kliptown - Kliptown I (2023)
short but sweet little romp. futuregaragey? beats.
"Stay" does a silly vocal thing that i kind of love
"Sunday Groove" second fav
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409/ Rabit - Les Fleurs Du Mal (2017)
abstract. feels like a story.
doesn't mesh with me particularly well… :\
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410/ Emptyset - Skin (2017)
maximum pedal tone!!!
this slaps actually. all 4 tracks lol
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411/ VA - All Nighter Vol. 8 (2023)
various! so:
"chucho" feels good banger :) feels like a modern take on what joesph nothing was doing 20 years ago.
love the cuteness within "TELEWORK".
"Hueshift." slappy.
"CLEAN JOBS" god damn. dirty and clean at the same time! massiv.
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412/ Ghetto Lee Lewis - Heretic Sinphony (2017)
imo this is one damn good track with several bonus tracks attached.
"Embrace the Darkness" hell yeah im embracing it
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413/ YoshiBlade - Candy Corn II: The Sequeling (2017)
back to bang backers.
i am not much a fan of the narration, even though it's not bad.
however: Cave Mushrooms!!!
"Be Kind, Rewind" is a good take on a classic too
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414/ VA - SOUND WAVES: A Tribute to Ecco the Dolphin (2016)
mixed bag. way more guitar than i was anticipating, which isnt rly my thing. tho the postrock chill-ish stuff is good ("Scrolling Madness" f.ex)
the live(?) jams are more my pace, ie "Aquamarine Bagel".
& the lush stuff!
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415/ Abdicant - Nothing we do will persist (2023)
smtimes skeptical of "ambient" music as it can either be boring or soul-enveloping.
luckily this has some bangers:
"Premonition" hits right
"The final self portrait" dark cold night.<3
"Proton Decay" beautiful use of pulse waves!
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416/ VA - Detroit XI (2017)
mixed bag etc!
"Motor City Motorcade" unlocked some strange nostalgic feeling in me.
"Aeroplanefunk" is my overall fav i think. surprised how low this ranked compared to some other personal hilights on my list!
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417/ Anonymous Various Artists - Covert 4 (2023)
very mixed bag, but from a damn good collective.
two specifics:
"Ronck67" has this sleazy soundscape draped over the outline of hip hop. delicious.
"Damaged Cells" has such a specific timbre that i dig. simple maybe, but precise.
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418/ VA - Summer Chip VII (2017)
mixed bag etc etc
I'd like to first highlight "sleep paralysis" for being insanely cool. i love love that hazy composition!
after that:
"movement phase" holy shit
"Coda-Cola Zone" holy shitttttttttt (bangerest!)
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419/ Mia Koden - Decode (2023)
dusty old nighttime musics.
weirdly nostalgic???
i hate to say retro toonami but…. retro toonami. vibes.
"10easy" especially
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420/ VA - Secret of Mana: Resonance of the Pure Land (2017)
mixed bag etc etc there's a good variety in here tbh
however, i must say: "Kaleidoscope"? microtones in my ocrs? this rules.
other hilits are "No Cab, Fan Pride: Boku No Infinite Thotty Gaiden" (fun!!!)
and "Steel and Wubz" (fub woby!!)
last album of the year! onward to the next <3
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here is your opportunity to describe your OC willow for all your tumblr followers 2 see! What are the Vibes. Give me 3 fun facts about her if you wish.
i love you so much @ everyone who follows me sorry but you'll have to listen to me rant about my lovely little vampire oc Willow Turing, 12th generation Toreador in Amsterdam <3
okay so the TL;DR above the cut shall be the three fun facts about her, but for those who want to read more info about her, please look under the cut or follow my Willow-specific side blog because I plan to write A LOT more about her in the future <3 <3
1) Willow’s go-to karaoke song is Hotel California by the Eagles
2) Around Christmas 2020 in game (it’s currently March 5th 2021), Elysium in Amsterdam changed locations, but the Prince at the time had Willow’s Sire in Torpor in the basement. That needed moving. Willow had her kine roommate buy a fake Christmas tree, then used the box it came in to bring her Sire from the old to the new location while dressed as an elf. It went surprisingly smoothly.
3) When everyone was invited to a masquerade ball in a theatre, Willow’s outfit was EXCESSIVE. But also it was appreciated by many. She wore a dress that was black on the outside, red on the inside, and completely inversible. Basically a play on the Queen of Hearts and Queen of Spades. The reveal of the second look was used to give her a good excuse to go snooping around.
OKAY WHAT ARE THE VIBES? HERE’S A LOT OF INFO ON WILLOW THAT I’VE NEVER REALLY WRITTEN DOWN BUT LIVES RENT FREE IN MY HEAD SO ENJOY (:
Willow’s vibes are immaculate. She’s an South Dakotan in Amsterdam, moved here for university, and never finished her communications degree because she never managed to quite find her footing.
Like she struggled to find housing, and the stress of that added to the work load of her degree really just pushed her to substance abuse... and that just ended up being a bit of a negative spiral she only managed to get out when she met her two best friends / (ex-)roommates. I could go on about so many bonds in there it’s so much words I can tell you....
But eh she first met her Sire one day when she and her two friends were out at a club, and he just drew her attention from across the room. To her, it was basically love at first sight, to him it was a calculated use of Presence. She was just immediately smitten with him, and since he was super hot, her friends were super glad she finally got a shot at happiness!! He helped her get her student visa changed to permanent residency, and he’s the guy who got her a job at his brothel, which Willow was happy to do (until the brothel was blown up but that’s an entirely different can of worms). At the brothel, kine and kindred worked side by side, and after a while Willow was taken on a lovely spa day to get her in Pristine Condition before she was eventually Embraced. She is also probably her Sire’s favourite (or at least was unTIL HE WAS KILLED.)
anyway for a long time Willow was voted Least Likely to Die in their Coterie Yearbook, then suddenly went to Most Likely to Die, but now certain people have been making horrible decisions so she’s probably back to Least Likely to Die.
Basically Willow is just really pretty but there’s probably very little coherent thoughts in her head. She’s generally very calculated, but that just means her calculated actions are absolutely unhinged. Stole the white king from the Malkavian Seneschal who has one of her best friend’s blood-bound to him unhinged. She’s viciously loyal to a select few, a pro at fake it till you make it, and even better at fucking around and finding out.
Also she holds Grudges occasionally. Like she’s been mad at her sire’s sire for months for not getting a personal apology.
I could go on but I have to work tomorrow and it’s late, so once again I may post more content on the blog linked above eventually c:
Willow my Beloved ):
#vtm#vampire the masquerade#clan toreador#my characters#this is A LOT so sorry if it is incoherent (':#also sandra if u find this because you're stalking the tumblr vtm tags hi!! if i misrepresented anything (bc a lot of this is personal +#+ headcanons) just tell me what's Excessively Wrong and I'll edit xoxo <3#your npcs have been gekoloniseerd for my silly headcanons c:#willowtalking
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• Hime’s Mini - Playlist Starters • ( Part 2 )
- Villain Edition -
I’ll be linking the lyric videos in the Bolded song title so you can go give these a listen if you’re so inclined ! If by chance you do find a new favorite song from this playlist - let me know in the tags & I’ll consider doing future installments of my personal RP writing playlists !
( Most of these have an villain vibe ! )
As always: These have been modified for cohesive and sensical use for the general RPC. Feel free to change anything within these that you see fit to make it work for your muse & the receiver’s muse !
Recommended For: Evil muses / plots / timelines.
Trigger Warnings For: Swearing, death mentions, abusive relationships/domestic violence, general violence, drug and alcohol mentions.
‘ Villains Aren’t Born ( They’re Made ) ‘
“ Watch the torch set aflame: Watch it burn, watch it fade ... “
“ Watch the armies gather suit ! “
“ Someone's got to win & lose. “
“ They say my heart is almost black ... well, baby, who's to blame for that ? “
“ Count your blessings, count your minutes ! “
“ Played my game ? ( Hell, now you're in it ... )
“ Bittersweet, my renegade ... and I'm anything but tame. “
“ Grab your sword, you might just need it; 'Cause I'm not afraid of cheating. “
“ Oh, I hate to tell you this way ... villains aren't born -- darling, we're made. “
“ Scream my name when they run; ( Honestly, it's kinda fun ). “
“ Scream it louder when they fall ... seems I'm never satisfied at all. “
“ They take ! They take until you give ! “
“ You taught me well, now watch me win ... ! “
“ I aim before I kill -- If only for the thrill. “
“ Yes, it's bad, I know ... but still ? ( There's nothing left to lose ). “
“ Don't tell me ‘ It's not fair ! ‘, Believe me; I've been there. “
“ ... I'd much rather be alone if I'm sitting on a throne ... “
' Don’t Make Me ‘
” Benefit of the doubt is my weakness. “
“ I’m turning the other cheek to see less. “
“ Let's say it right; not my fault you got regrets ! “
“ Bloodied lips, nursing right out the glasses. “
“ Diamond, pearl and ruby; you'll swoon. “
“ Can I offer you a little salt for that wound ? “
” I've tried to take you lying down. “
“ I clarified & tip-toed around it. “
" You cross them every time ... “
“ Don't make me be the bad guy ! “
“ Despite all of my foresight - I keep hoping I'll be right about you. “
“ You’re my first psycho ... “
“ So hell, what do I know ?! “
“ Tell me you're the bad guy. “
” Paradise lost; you've fallen from grace. “
“ You're cracking my ribs with just one embrace -- ! “
“ Your offering's empty, godless, and cold. “
“ I can read you like a book, ( and it's getting old ) ! “
“ Never was built to be this way: except turns out the villain is fun to play. “
“ Your Hollywood romance, extra and sappy; ( but - spoiler alert ! -- The ending ain't happy ). “
“ The ugly truth is bittersweet; so dress it up in fancy clothes ! “
“ ... But we both know just how this goes ... “
” No longer a pretty view ahead. “
“ Our lies did not become us; we became them instead. “
‘ Yes Mom ‘
“ Bet you've been a fan of me ! “
“ Do you see me in your fantasies ? “
“ Everything I got, I got working for me -- “
“ Eat that, peep that, I'm the one to beat, yeah. “
“ When I take my picture; wanna kiss her -- I'm like ‘ damn ‘ ! “
“ I see my reflection, got affection 'cause I can. “
“ I can't help that I feel myself; Yes, I guess I'm a fan ! “
“ Everything you're looking for is right here where I stand. “
“ What you see is what you get. “
“ Everything - I'm owning it ! “
“ Did it independent 'cause I got what I need. “
“ 2020 vision with ambition's how I'm made. “
“ I can't keep from winning when it's in my DNA ! “
“ Push me down & I bounce right back; trampoline and it's in my past ! “
“ I’m rising like a phoenix making fire from the ash. “
“ God, it's such a treat -- just getting to be me ! “
“ ... Spending all my time on what I want. “
“ Looking in the mirror; I'm so glad I'm here ! “
‘ Uh Oh ‘
“ ... Uh oh, you made a mistake ... “
“ Tell me things that can't be true. “
“ Your slacks are on fire; ( I'm fanning the flames ) ! “
“ Like a vampire stood out in broad day. “
“ Shoulda been wiser while pickin' out what you were gonna say ... “
“ Fool me once, that's one too many ! ( Better luck next time you've met me ) ... “
“ Where's the dunce who caught you meddling ? ... Turn around ... “
“ You're sweating this time. “
“ I'm reading your eyes. “
“ You're being called out, 'Cause you slipped your mouth ! “
“ Your face has turned pale: Gone faint; you're not well ? ”
“ While you were distracted I cast a spell. “
“ Uh oh, you better run away now ! “
" Got nothing else to say to you. “
“ Forgive this wed intermission. “
“ Tragically, I'm not the victim here ... “
“ If only I fell for your fiction; Now, tell me things that can't be true. “
‘ High Enough ‘
“ I don't like anyone better than you, it's true. “
“ I'd crawl a mile in a desolate place; with the snakes ... just for you. “
“ I'm an animal; hand me a tramadol, and gimme the juice. “
“ You are my citadel; you are my wishing well -- my baby blue ! “
“ I used to like liquor to get me inspired ... But, you look so beautiful -- my new supplier. “
“ I used to like smoking to stop all the thinking -- But, I found a different buzz. “
“ The world is a curse - it'll kill if you let it. “
“ I know they got pills that can help you forget it ... They bottle it, call it ‘ medicine ‘; But, I don't need drugs. “
“ Is it 'cause I'm already high enough. “
“ You got me; and you got me good ... “
“ I only got eyes for you. “
“ Do you see anyone other than me ? “
“ Baby, please: I'll take a hit of whatever you got. ( Maybe two, maybe three ) ? “
“ Oh, you're phenomenal -- I feel like a domino, make me fall to my knees. “
“ I am a malady -- you are my galaxy ... my sweet relief. “
“ Don't try to give me cold water; I don't wanna sober up ! “
“ All I see are tomorrows. “
" The stars were made for us ! “
‘ Rebels ‘
“ Raise some hell before we ghost ! “
“ Break the rules, ( a broken nose ) -- “
“ You know us. We're soldiers. “
“ Rips and holes in baggy clothes, drippy hard from head to toes. “
“ We won't budge -- For no one. “
“ Walkin'. Don't know where we goin' but, we mobbin'. “
“ You looking for the juice ? Well we got it. “
“ Get out our way or join in the riot. “
“ Hear the sirens ? Quiet ! Shh ! “
“ Everything is burning and I love it ! “
“ Sit and watch the world until it's nothing ... ! “
“ Scared of going out into the public; Yeah, we the kings now. “
“ Take it if you can't afford to cop it. ( Talk about a baller on a budget ) ! “
“ Gloomy 'till they put me in a coffin ... “
“ Ridin' -- straight to the top ! “
“ There's no getting by it. “
“ Ashes like fireworks in the sky ... “
“ Don't be afraid of heights; 'Cause we flyin'. “
' Angry Too ‘
“ I buried the unseemly urges; Deep down in the ground with the roots ... “
“ It's all coming up to the surface ... maybe it's getting ready to bloom ? “
“ I don't wanna be a monster in the making ! “
“ I don't wanna be more bitter than sweet ... “
“ I don't know how to be just standing by blankly ... not getting angry. “
“ ‘Cause another & another coming up out of the gutter; 'Til I'm drowning in an ocean of entitled motherfuckers and they're pushing all my buttons ! “
“ They never seem to wonder why another & another, ask each other: ‘ Does it get your blood boiling ? Does it make you see red ‘ ? ”
“ Do you wanna destroy it ? Does it get in your head ? “
“ 'Cause it gets my blood boiling, & I'm coming unglued ! “
“ It would hit you like poison ... ( if you knew what I knew ) ... you would be angry too. “
“ I'm seeing through crimson sunglasses. “
“ I'm breathing and counting to ten. “
“ I guess I'm fresh out of free passes, they'll pay if it happens again ! “
“ I don't wanna drink the venom they made me ! “
“ I don't wanna be controlled by the past ! “
“ Boy if you were me, could you really blame me ? “
“ Wouldn’t it make you crazy ? “
“ Calm down girl, why you so mad ? “
“ Why's your heart gone rotten ? “
“ It's all good girl; why are you upset ? “
“ Guess they have forgotten what they did ?! “
“ You would be angry too. “
‘ Horror Movies ‘
“ Don't go down to the basement ! “
“ We all know what's coming next; Murder with a little side of mayhem. “
“ ... Here I go again ... “
“ Is that blood on the wall ? “
“ A Scream down the hall ? My knees are shaking so bad that I gotta crawl ! “
“ All my ghosts are chasing, but why can't I escape them ? “
“ Careful where you step ! -- 'Cause if I keep going, I'm losing my head. “
“ I need a vacation; Or something to sedate them ! “
“ I hate horror movies ... Please don't ask me why. “
“ I hate horror movies so damn much that I could die ! “
“ This movie's looking too much like my life ... ! “
“ Shhh, I don't wanna wake 'em ! “
“ I'm hiding under the bed. “
“ ... And if you think that you'd be scared of Jason ? ... You should meet the monsters in my head ! “
‘ This Is Love ‘
“ You're no good -- you're no good ! “
“ You could kill me & you should. “
“ I'm an idiot for thinking this was anything but blood ... “
“ You must like being the victim. “
“ You've done nothing to get out of this pattern of pain. “
“ It got washed away by the rain. “
“ You'll forgive me if I promise, then do nothing but the same. “
“ This is life until death, could be my last dying breath ! “
“ This is love, love, shut up ! This is love ... “
“ Forget everything you used to know ! “
“ I think you better tell your friends to go. “
“ Stick around cause I'm about to show you, the beginning is the end. “
“ Yeah; I know wrong, and I know right ... but, I just love to pick a fight. “
“ I can sleep with one eye open; ( If there's any sleep at night ). “
“ I got my knife, got my gun -- “
“ Let's see how fast you can run. “
“ You might think that you can hurt me but, the damage has already been done. “
“ It's pathetic, I know ... A jealous fool who won't let go. “
“ If I was sorry for my actions would I ever stoop so low ? “
“ I've got nothing left to give you. “
“ ... Fuck it, this is love. “
“ I was good but then I quit. “
“ Everyone that tried to fix me knows that I can't change a bit. “
“ I've got no shame, got no pride ... only skeletons to hide. “
“ If you try to talk to someone; well then someone has to die ... “
“ Once you chase me down the hole & once you think you're in control, you'll believe that we are partners & your feelin’ comfortable ... Then the darkness rolls in & you'll forget who I have been. “
“ The simple love that your grandparents had ... ? “
“ This kind of love will only make you mad. “
“ It hurts at first but it ain't that bad -- “
“ You gotta wonder what it meant. “
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Character Concept: Marrowmire Plasmoid
While I’m talking about the Marrowmire, the vast acidic swamp full of bones, I thought I’d run with the vibes a bit more and make a character. I’ve been wanting to use a plasmoid for ages. Oozes. I just really love oozes. And if we’re doing an acid swamp, they’re the perfect race. The Marrowmire is full of oozes, perhaps a few of them have developed a bit more in the way of personhood over time, given the mire’s near-sentience and saturated magic.
I did doodle around a few classes, draconic sorcerer, some sort of warlock, my old favourite the cleric, but the Marrowmire carries more of a rugged survival vibe. So barbarian, maybe, or ranger, but in the end I went with a good old swamp druid instead. Mostly, not going to lie, because I wanted augury, for the vibe of the rolling bones in the mire, and the druid list just has a lot of swampy spells in general. So. Have a shambling sentient ooze, who’s rolled up out of their incredibly magical and malevolent swamp on a quest to seek out and return some specific bones?
Character Sheet: Shambling Murt, Marrowmire Druid & Bone Collector
Name: Shambling Murt
Race: Plasmoid
Age: Time is counted strangely in the Marrowmire, but probably somewhere in their 20s
Background: Marrowmire Bone Collector (custom background, Survival and Perception skills, wood bonecarver’s tools, one language, and the Lessons of the Mire feature explained below)
Class/Level: Druid 4 (Circle of the Land: Swamp)
Description: Shambling Murt is a roughly medium-sized ooze the brownish-clear colour of brackish water. Little objects tumble gently in their interior, many of them the yellowish-white of bone. When focusing, they can lurch upright into a vaguely hunchbacked humanoid shape, donning their signature dark brown hide armour in the process. When not focusing, they tend to collapse back into a shapeless lump, bundling their belongings inside the hide and schlorping it into their interior to keep it safe as they sleep.
History: The vast, corrosive expanse of the Marrowmire is home to many oozes, among other creatures. Most of them are not particularly talkative or contemplative beings. On occasion, though, by the ‘blessing of the Mire’, as some call it, one of the Marrowmire’s oozes might develop something a little bit closer to a shape, a personality, and a will. These more personable oozes are, if not quite welcomed, then at least readily accepted among the tough and hardy folk of the Mire. The Mire gives, and the Mire takes away, after all. A being who carries the Mire’s blessing, and resistance to the Mire’s acidic embrace, is a handy being to have around.
Most of these oozes make a living as bone collectors and mirepriests, helping search and scavenge the Mire, guide other beings through it, and interpret the will and whims of the Marrowmire. While Shambling Murt, as they came to be called, did have the magic and the gift of the bones to become a mirepriest, they rather lacked the attention span and gift of talking that most preferred in one of the Mire’s spiritual leaders. They lived quite happily as a bone collector and scavenger instead, scrounging materials to sell (or just give) to the Mire settlements who needed them.
But the whims and whispers of the Marrowmire could not be avoided forever. Rolling the bones to guide themself eventually led to a message that Shambling Murt could not ignore. The Mire wanted them to search for a different bone. A far away bone. One outside the Mire itself and all the world Murt had come to know. But the Mire gives, and the Mire takes away, and the whims of the Mire must be followed. So Murt shambled out into the wider world beyond the Marrowmire, a little worried and confused (a little terrified), but pragmatic, determined, and full of Mire fatalism. What will be, will be. And in the meantime there are jobs to be done.
Ideal: Anywhere can be lived in and anything can be useful, if you make a little bit of effort
Bond: I’m looking for a bone. Not just any bone, a specific bone. I’ll know it when I find it. The Mire told me to go out and look for it, and to bring it back when I find it.
Flaw: Rather prone to doing as they’re told unless they have a very pressing reason not to.
Statistics: Strength 8 (-1), Dexterity 14 (+2), Constitution 14 (+2), Intelligence 12 (+1), Wisdom 18 (+4), Charisma 10 (+0)
Proficiencies & Languages:
Saving Throws: Intelligence, Wisdom
Skills: Insight, Nature, Perception, Survival
Armour/Weapons/Tools: light, medium armour, shields, clubs, daggers, darts, javelins, maces, quarterstaffs, scimitars, sickles, slings, spears, herbalism kit, bonecarver’s tools
Languages: Common, Draconic, Druidic, Abyssal (draconic seeping up from the mire, abyssal seeping up from ooze ancestry)
Equipment: Hide armour, a small, strangely pitted and adorned wooden shield, a sling, sling bullets, a druidic focus (a totem, a carved piece of bone from the Marrowmire, carved themself), a herbalism kit, rolling bones (a common Marrowmire divination tool, used for Augury), backpack, 50ft rope, waterskin
Traits, Feats and Background/Class Features:
Race: Medium Ooze, 30ft speed, Amorphous (squeeze to 1” if naked, adv to/vs grapple), Darkvision (60ft), Hold Breath (1hr), Natural Resilience (acid/poison resist, adv vs poison), Shape Self (action to be humanoid, bonus action for pseudopod)
Background: Lessons of the Mire (adv on perception checks to identify hazards of natural origin, as well as checks or saves made to escape their effects)
Swamp Druid: Ritual Casting, Wild Shape (CR ½, no fly, 2/rest, ½ lvl hrs), Bonus Cantrip, Natural Recovery (1/day on short rest recover ½ druid lvl in spell slots, 6th or lower), Circle Spells
Feat: Fey Touched: Increase Wis by 1, learn the Misty Step and Hex spells, Wis casting stat, once each without slot per day
Spells:
Cantrips: Primal Savagery, Guidance, Shape Water, Thorn Whip
Circle Spells: Darkness, Melf’s Acid Arrow
Feat Spells: Misty Step, Hex
Commonly Prepared Spells: Faerie Fire, Healing Word, Longstrider, Thunderwave, Augury, Pass Without Trace, Spike Growth
Spell Flavour:
Primal Savagery causes ‘teeth or fingernails’ to sharpen to make a ‘corrosive attack’, would like to reflavour that as an extra-acidic pseudopod instead. Wouldn’t mind doing similar with Thorn Whip, flavoured as a very long pseudopod full of bone shards and debris. Melf’s Acid Arrow, again, could just be our plasmoid hurling bits of themself. Would like Spike Growth to be giant bone shards extruding up from the ground, and there’s a bit of me that wants Darkness to be flavoured as an incredibly dense, blinding mist. On a day where they prepared Entangle, I’d go with choking muck and tanged reeds. Misty Step is obviously the Mire’s mist helping spirit them out of trouble, and Faerie Fire the Mire’s will-o-wisps marking their enemies for them. Very much just a theme of their magic being born from the Marrowmire, even if it’s been months or years since they last set foot in it.
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-> with the band chapter 15
mrs. shepherd
warning: new beginnings and personal growth.
A/N: izzy in the aftermath. i tried to write what i thought thriving with anxiety disorder would be like, based on some progress i’ve seen. major new year 2023 vibes.
word count: 4.1k
Izzy lay down in her bed on her first night back at home with her phone against her stomach, the glass on her bare skin. She could hear her mom close up the store below. But Izzy’s mind was somewhere else.
I got out of a bad situation, Izzy said to herself. That was the most comfortable way for her to look at it: Tara’s overdose, George’s needle stuff, Harry not texting her back and leaving her there in the arena, plus all those horrible things he said. People pleaser, no job, not famous, terrible family, not an artist. Harry clearly didn’t respect her. Izzy left a bad situation. This explanation made sense; it was so easy.
Izzy turned the events of the last 72 hours over and over in her mind.
I put things back the way they’re supposed to be; I wasn’t even supposed to be on that tour. But this explanation was even more sus. Izzy didn’t really believe it as she thought it. It was true that she wasn’t supposed to be there, but the tour was one of the few places she had ever felt at home as herself. It felt more at home to her than the room she lay in now, which felt like it didn’t belong to her anymore. The store was thriving without her there. Her parents didn’t need her as much as she thought. She was unanchored—the feeling was freeing, but lonely.
A guy who was (is?) genuinely in love with me told me about it and I immediately put as much distance between me and him as as I possibly could. Izzy knew that this explanation was true, and it hurt. She believed Harry when he said he was in love with her, despite what he did afterwards. She remembered Harry’s soft eyes and hard hands. Yeah, he was in love with her. She left. He left first—he left me in that arena, Izzy thought. But then you took a bus across the country, a mean voice (but honest) in her head said back. She checked her phone again. Nothing from Harry or Lydia. Every minute that went by chipped away at her belief in Harry’s love for her.
Am I in love with him? Izzy had been punching down this thought since she and Harry had slept together three nights ago. It was too painful to even consider, that someone she was in love with had left her by herself on a concrete floor—and then not sent a single text for three days.
When Izzy woke up the next morning, California and Harry both seemed so far away. She thought about George and the apartment. Was he there now, alone? She thought about Harry and Jess, rehearsing together for the next dates. She checked her phone: still no reply from Harry.
She felt light. Heartbroken, but light. A giant burden was gone: the boulder had been destroyed. Not by fucking Harry, but by telling him about it and having him embrace it rather than run away. Her one major fatal flaw was gone. Now she just had to deal with the rest of them.
Before Izzy could check her messages again, Olivia burst into her room, already dressed for the day.
“This place is so cute! Your mom is amazing, she made us breakfast.”
Izzy remembered her breakfasts on the tour: toast off random trays in hotels, whatever she could scrounge for - usually an orange and some old coffee - at the co-ops. She smiled: this was so much better, and it was different this time, because Olivia was here. And she was different.
Izzy fought the urge to lie in bed and scroll, or open her laptop - the way all her bad days started, streaming time briefly punctured by other people, instead of the other way around, the way the tour had been. Hearing the past tense applied to the tour in her head hurt Izzy: she was thinking about what it had been. But it was still going on, just without her.
When Izzy arrived in the kitchen, the table was laid out as usual: brioche, butter, eggs, and coffee. Very Italian, just like her grandmother had made it. The eggs were an American concession for her dad. Olivia was eating as if she had been starved for months.
“Where’s dad?” Izzy asked, looking around—he wasn’t at the table on his phone, or in the living room watching TV as usual.
“At the store. Opening up for the day. He adjusted his work hours at his job.” Her mom sounded proud.
Izzy grabbed the chair in front of her and sat down quickly—she could have fallen over from shock. Her dad, helping out with the store? While her mom enjoyed a leisurely breakfast?
Between massive gulps of coffee, Olivia explained their plan for the day. Izzy’s mom didn’t blink. There was no covert guilt-trip about working in the store, no complaints about the amount of inventory to count or cleaning to do.
After cleaning up breakfast, she and Olivia took the bus to the local community college lugging giant tote bags stuffed with clothes. It was November, an odd time to enrol, but the college offered some shorter courses that they could start with. The campus was next to big box store on a highway and looked mostly concrete from the outside, with no visible entrance. It looked like a little like the outside of the Riot Hyatt, but there weren’t any rock stars or buzzing roadies here. Looking at the grey facade, Izzy felt a fleeting urge to pick up her phone, dial Lydia, apologize profusely and ask to come back.
Determined, Izzy found a side entrance, and found the admissions office through a pretty courtyard dotted with students reading on benches, with beautiful Japanese maples, bright red, and maple trees dropping bright yellow and orange leaves onto a green lawn. Izzy had only half a plan but she knew she had to do something. The woman behind the desk side-eyed all the gear they were carrying, but Izzy didn’t care. She didn’t want to work at the store anymore, and she wasn’t following a band around any more, staying on hotel and co-op couches. She enrolled in two short courses in something she’d always been interested in: botany, leaving the weekends free. Olivia got the details about a teaching course that started in January—she’d have to apply, but she still had a few days before the deadline. Oh my god, it was so much easier to do things with other people than it was alone, Izzy thought.
Izzy had never walked so much in her home town. It reminded her a bit of all the walking she did in New York, but instead of skyscrapers and stunning parks, they were walking past an endless parade of fast food joints on an ocean of asphalt. Finally, they got to the old town center.
They had to wait a few minutes outside the consignment store before it opened. Izzy’s fanny pack was bursting with brochures and notes about course codes and enrolment fees.
“Should we, like, donate part of it to a charity in his name?” Olivia asked.
“Maybe?” Izzy responded.
“I feel weird,” Olivia said.
“Me too,” Izzy added. “But I don’t need this stuff.”
A girl who looked 23 or 24, their age, dressed in the same mix of vintage that Izzy had picked up in New York, knelt down behind the double glass doors inside and unlocked them.
“I see Gucci,” she said, trying to contain her eagerness. “We may be able to buy some items up front.”
Izzy felt a bit self-conscious laying out all the clothing on the store’s counter: the weird rubber crop top, the black dragon dress, one of the suitcases, and so many other clothes. Everything that didn’t feel like her. A hint of green caught her eye from the bottom of her bag: the green dress had made it into the jumble some how. She took it out and held it up. It was still smeared with a bit of red lipstick from where Lydia had drawn a heart.
“Oh, that’s so cute! We can definitely sell that,” the girl behind the counter said.
“Sorry,” Izzy said. “I think I’m going to keep that one.”
“I can take these and pay you when we sell,” she said, taking a bunch of the clothes. “And I can pay you for these up front: the suit case and the dress. We usually eBay high value items, because they don’t really sell in this neighbourhood.”
“What about the rest?” Izzy asked. There were four clothing items left on the counter, including the rubber crop top that she had hated so much.
“I won’t be able to sell those.” Izzy nodded. Not a surprise. She couldn’t believe how much George had paid for these things that were basically unwearable.
“I can do 3k for the suitcase and 400 for the dress,” the girl said nonchalantly.
“I guess that works,” Izzy said, trying to echo her tone before she lowered the price. Izzy didn’t want to negotiate. It was more money than she had ever seen at one time. They exchanged details and Izzy was surprised that the etransfer happened right then: $3,400 hit her account immediately.
With the money, a new thought punched through: another perspective on what happened. I lied. I lied to everyone. I broke George’s heart. Izzy remembered at that moment everything George had done right and wrong. The apartment, the drugs. Disappearing all the time, pulling her up on that streetlight. It had sometimes been right with him; it had been almost the happiest she had ever been, but he never really knew her. Izzy tried to remember when he had ever asked her a question about herself. And she hid plenty from him, too: it’s not like she had volunteered information. You’re back on your bullshit, living for other people. Harry was right: Izzy had fallen back into that pattern with George. Helping him to hide herself. Izzy remembered the way that Jess had echoed Harry’s words, doubling their sting—it meant that they had talked about her, together. It meant that they were closer than she knew.
Olivia threw her bags on the counter and was able to offload most of it; they took the rest to a Salvation Army, but Izzy kept the green dress. Izzy couldn’t help but giggle at the prospect of the absurd rubber top selling for 99 cents to some teenager. A text from her mom wiped the smile off her face: I have some news for when you get home. Izzy winced—it was like old times, Izzy being independent, and her mom crashing in with some emergency.
“Come on,” Olivia said, “two more stops.”
The first stop was a music store with a series of desperate HELP WANTED signs in the window, obscuring most of the instruments they were trying to sell. WE HAVE BENEFITS! BE SURROUNDED BY THE MAGIC OF MUSIC! They had printed out their resumes. They were going to try old school job hunting to try to speed things up.
“Thank god for this supposed labor shortage,” Olivia said. She looked a bit nervous, the most tense Izzy had ever seen her - Olivia was always so serene. She took a deep breath before going in and Izzy waited outside—she heard a bit of Boyfriends when Olivia swung open the door. Harry was everywhere. It felt like he was haunting her. Memories from just a few nights ago bubbled up all of a sudden and Izzy realized she was in danger of crying outside the store. She could hear Harry’s words on the music: I know I’m not the only one. I’m in love with you. Elisabetta.
Izzy pressed her palms into her eyes and took a deep breath. She picked up her phone and called Meg, spilling out what she was feeling. Reproachful silence was the response from Meg.
“Just say it!” Izzy said. “Whatever you’re going to say, I can take it.”
“He’s probably thinking the same thing,” Meg cautioned.
“He’s the one who left me in that arena! He’s the one that should call.”
“You’re the one with a boyfriend, as far as he knows. He’s probably waiting for you.”
Just then, Izzy heard a squeal from inside. She made a plan to visit Meg soon and they ended the call.
Olivia burst through the door (mercifully, the song was over by then).
“I got it!” Olivia said, throwing her arms around Izzy.
“Of course you did!”
“They’ve been looking for two months and the manager has had to be behind the counter like seven days a week. $14 an hour, four shifts a week.”
“Amazing! You can take classes around that.”
“I could even move out and get a roommate on that.” Olivia exhaled. Relief flooded her face. “Now I can go home. I can go home and say that I have a plan.”
“That’s good,” Izzy said, though she felt her stomach knot at the prospect of losing her.
“In a few days,” Olivia added quickly. “Not today, don’t panic!”
Olivia pulled Izzy toward the plant nursery—she was almost running, fuelled by excitement. Before Izzy could do a deep breath, Olivia shoved her inside.
The nursery was about an hour walk from the store, and Izzy had been only a few times—but it was her favourite place in town, and the only nursery in driving distance. It was an old glass greenhouse surrounded by new plastic ones, all teeming with seedlings, plants, and tiny trees. When she stepped inside she had to take her coat off, it was so humid. She felt herself instantly relax, surrounded by so many green and growing things. The reception desk was empty, so Izzy wandered around a little bit and called out for someone, then wandered back. She could only hear plant leaves rustling and sprinklers turning off and on. Izzy fixed her hair and took her resume out of her bag. She rang the bell on the desk and waited. A few minutes later, a frantic man with huge glasses came flying out of the back greenhouse.
“Please, please, please tell me you’re here about a job,” he said. Izzy could only smile.
…
Izzy had a new job, part time at the nursery. Olivia had a new job, part time at the music store. Izzy would start three short community college courses: Deciduous Care 102: Identifying Health Concerns, Inspection Certification: Plant Quarantine and Nursery Inspection, and History 403: Arcadia—a History of Botany in the Romantic Era. The first two were practical, the last one she couldn’t resist. Izzy always felt calm when she was in nature. And right now, calm was what she needed. When she worked at the store, she had spent so many hours reading job postings and planning some other career, daydreaming about options. She had three career boards on Pinterest, all filled with ideas. But now she just wanted to do something. Daydreaming time was over.
When she got home, Izzy’s mom was waiting at the door with a thick envelope. Izzy had forgotten her ominous text.
“I’m sorry, Izzy,” she said. “Mrs. Shepherd has passed away.” Izzy wrapped her mom in a tight hug and Olivia made them tea upstairs.
“Peacefully, in her sleep,” she added. Izzy apologized to her mom and held both her hands in her own. Her closed up the store for the day, while Olivia retreated to her room.
“Izzy, I’m going to leave you this to read alone. Mrs. Shepherd was very generous—she gave me something, too. And something for Lydia. I might be able to do some repainting and even take a vacation,” she said. “It’ll help with retirement. She was a saver, you know. Well, except when it came to her clothes.” She wiped a tear away. Mrs. Shepherd was one of the most soft-handed people Izzy had ever met. Always kind. But tough when she needed to be. Holding her mom’s hands in her own, Izzy remembered Mrs. Shepherd’s tight grip on the night of that first concert, and her urgent words: Go! Dance! Izzy really owed Mrs. Shepherd everything. Izzy went to her room; she wanted to be alone, to run over all her memories with Mrs. Shepherd in her mind.
She Izzy was left in the silence of her room, wishing Lydia was there with her. She looked at the envelope. It was well worn, dog eared and yellowing at the edges, and still sealed. It was heavy—there was something she couldn’t identify at the bottom. She picked up her phone and texted Lydia, again: I know I was dishonest with your friend and I’m sorry. I’ve told George I’m sorry myself. I miss you and want to talk to you. Please call me.
Her phone rang, still in her hand. Izzy jumped, and scrambled to pick it up.
“Lydia! Finally. Are you okay? You’ve been scaring me—“
“Izzy.” That voice. It wasn’t Lydia.
“Harry,” Izzy replied. She sat down on the floor of her room.
“I’m sorry it took so long for me to call.”
“I’m really happy you called.”
“I wanted to tell you—I wanted to explain something. George and I—“
“I don’t really want to hear about George, Harry.”
“This is something you need to hear—it’s the truth, Izzy. What you said in the arena... I knew I had to tell you. Your story is wrong.”
Izzy waited.
“I met George for the first time when I was recording in London. He was backpacking—not backpacking, on an expensive holiday really—with some of his public school friends. He grew up pretty comfortable, yeah? I heard him play at a bar there, open mic. He had just finished high school. He wanted recording time and Jess knew Elijah, so we said okay. He paid for it, anyway. The studio time.” Harry was talking slowly and steadily, and Izzy couldn’t find a place to cut in. He sounded dark, depressed. This wasn’t the information she was interested in at all: it didn’t answer any of her burning questions, like, where did you go after you left me? Why haven’t you texted me back? “George got into trouble, fast, trying to live like he had in high school and even more than that, like a literal rock star, before the Jess Harper band had even recorded anything. He flew over his band—Jess anyway, before Olivia and Lisa joined—and borrowed so much to record the first album without a studio behind him that his fees on the tour were set up to pay his debts - he’s still paying on that debt. Lot of the money never even hit his bank account. I lent him money, to help out Jess and the band and the rest of it, and I doubt I see that money again. I found this out later, but he got his first contract by telling everyone that he knew me, that we were collaborating. Ryan bought it when he brought him on. Fake it to make it, yeah? It sort of worked. The entire tour, he was somehow spending what he didn’t have again. He wasn’t supposed to be on the plane, in the same hotels. They were scraping. His cards were getting declined toward the end.” It all made sense to Izzy, but it was still so painful for her to hear. This isn’t the truth she wanted. But it felt like something she already knew; as Harry recounted more details about his debt, Izzy remembered the comments from George’s friends at that gala at the Frick in New York. It all lined up perfectly with him going broke and his friends watching his ‘recovery’, or fake recovery. “Yeah, so it’s not because I’m jealous,” Harry concluded, “it’s because he’s an asshole. He’s a user. I know you don’t want my advice, and I might have no right to give you advice, but you shouldn’t try to contact him anymore or check in on him. Same with Lydia. I thought you should just have that information, whether or not you go any further with him.” Then, before she could say anything, Harry hung up. She scrambled to text him: we broke up that night, I’m not with George any more
Then Izzy stopped herself.
It felt like a no, what Harry said: whether or not you go any further with him. Like going further with George was a possibility. How could he think that? She sent the message anyway. Something she heard on TikTok popped into her mind: if he wanted to, he would. And what did Harry mean by “same with Lydia”? Again, criticizing her family. And they couldn’t even go 30 seconds without fighting! They were bickering right at the beginning of the call. And he had known Jess for far longer than she thought—almost 10 years? Izzy threw the phone against her wall, prompting Olivia to knock on her door.
“What was that? Did you open it yet?”
Izzy stood up slowly, shaking her head. Olivia walked over and picked up the envelope, reading the front with Izzy’s full name handwritten in beautiful script.
She opened the envelope, pulling out a two-page handwritten letter in cursive, with some smudges. Behind it, a stack of papers printed out on some type of old machine on thin, receipt-like paper. They read the letter from Mrs. Shepherd together:
“My dearest Elisabetta,
For your entire life, I have watched you and Lydia grow up - beautiful, free girls so very much like your grandmother. I have gone to join her and I hope you will be not too sad - I hope that when reading this you are well and thriving. This is what I want for you, to thrive, and it’s what your grandmother wanted for you to. It’s why she came here, to this country. Before she knew you, she wanted for you. She was always planning for you and thinking about you, even before you were born - even before your mother was born.
This is for you, Elisabetta. It is not for your mother: she is strong and can manage this all without what’s in this letter. I have given her something of her own to help her. This is not for the store. This is just for you and it is not for you to sell. It is for you to go see. You are more like your grandmother than you know.
The town your grandmother and I were born - it is a beautiful place, and at the time, very small, very close. She could not stay after her mistake and she was cast out, and I went with her. My best decision. I went back to visit often as you know, and your grandmother never returned. But her parents were not so bitter toward everyone. I saw them often. They kept something for me and now I give it to you, as it should have been given to you in the first place.
382 Contrada Magaro, Caltagirone, Sicily
I hope you go and find out who you really are.
All my love,
Maria Platania La Rosa Shepherd”
Izzy felt Mrs. Shepherd’s arms wrap around her, like they had when she was a little kid.
She and Olivia looked at each other, Olivia putting her hands on Izzy’s shoulders in excitement. Izzy jangled the envelope: from inside, the sound of metal keys.
“Is it a… safety deposit box?” Olivia asked.
Izzy carefully took out the rest of the papers and turned the envelope upside down, emptying the rest of its contents into her hands: three keys, each the length of her fingers—all heavy, metal, and slightly rusted. Izzy smiled: grandparents she never knew, passing something down to a granddaughter they had never met. How beautiful. Her anger at Harry melted away. He and Jess and George weren’t her entire world.
“I think it’s a house,” Izzy said. She heard Mrs. Shepherd’s words in her mind again: Go! Dance!
Izzy held up the keys. Another possibility of escape dangled in front of her. She could run away again, ditch the courses, ditch the new job, forget the tour, forget everything that happened. She imagined herself on a plane tomorrow morning instead of in the plant nursery, filling in her paperwork for health insurance. It was really tempting. She had the money, after all - the money from selling the clothes. That would at least get her over there. She thought about George: spending and running and spending and running.
Izzy handed over the keys to Olivia, who was looking up the address in the letter on her phone. Izzy picked up her phone and sent yet another message to Lydia: If you need money to come home, or money to go to rehab, or to get established in your own apartment, I have it. I have no problem lending it to you. Or gifting it to you. You’ve given me so much.
As soon as she sent it, her phone rang again. Izzy put it to her ear right away.
“Harry?” Izzy asked hopefully.
Static on the other end.
“Izzy, it’s Lydia.” Lydia’s voice sounded shaky. Izzy was ecstatic and concerned at the same time.
“Thank you so much for calling me back,” Izzy said, “I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear your voice!” Izzy mouthed to Olivia: it’s Lydia! Olivia gave a tight smile, put the keys back in Izzy’s hand, and left the room.
“Izzy,” Lydia said, steadying her voice. Izzy thought she heard a familiar voice in the background. “I have something to tell you.”
chapter16
#love on tour fic#love on tour au#harry styles fic#harry styles au#harry styles#angst#romance#anxiety feels#personal growth#codependency#angst!harry
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