#I’ve been wanting to draw everyone like they’re in middle school band and what instruments they play but that’s a little different lmao
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Meet my first OC to have a specific fandom they’re attached to!
So I’ve never created an OC specifically for the universe of a show before, they’ve always been fandomless, but I was excited to create one for Wynonna Earp. I’m going to give him a proper page on the muse list as well as give everyone more detailed biographies eventually, but for now, this should work.
DISCLAIMER: to anyone who may have concerns, please know that I myself am Native American (Blackfoot and Cherokee), and did a lot of research while creating this character to make sure I do them justice and create an actual Native character that isn’t just a stereotype. Some parts that might seem stereotypical - such as the name this character chooses to go by - just comes with the modern era the universe is set in and the character’s own reasons. Several of the struggles he faces as well are specifically chosen because I hope to raise awareness in some small ways to the struggles that IPOC face even today. None of it is meant to be fetishising or stereotypical - some of it just exists in that space as an unfortunate reality.
Alright! Here we go.
[ i. STATS ]
NAME. meecha wo’i " crow " redwolf .
AGE. 23 as of 1x01 .
DOB. nov 29th , 1993 .
GENDER. gender-indifferent cis male : prefers he/him or they/them pronouns .
PREF. pansexual but has a preference for men and nonbinary individuals
SPECIES. human , witch , skinwalker .
RESIDENCE. the ghost river triangle .
OCCUPATION. former cashier ; former lead guitar in an up and coming rock band ; current bartender .
ETHNICITY. in simple terms: native american. specifically: hopi and creek. some scottish but not by much.
[ ii. INTROSPECTION ]
POSITIVE TRAITS. curious , adaptable , perceptive , creative , passionate , loyal , perseverant , open-minded , compassionate .
NEUTRAL TRAITS. persuasive , withdrawn (at first; nervous about other’s intentions) , secretive , free-wheeling .
NEGATIVE TRAITS. temperamental , unrestrained , spiteful , reckless , capricious , hedonistic .
DISLIKES. sounds of traffic or loud machinery in general & the sound of metal on metal & the smell of cheap perfume/cologne & hot weather & dust & houseflies & being told (instead of asked) what to do & rap music & wool scarves & fluorescent lights & lack of hygiene & orange flavoured candies/sodas/anything that’s not an actual orange & deep dark waters he can’t see the contents of & mistreatment of animals & having assumptions made about him & mathematics & onions & football .
LIKES. the scent and sound of rain & physical touch & candles , lighters , and controlled flames in general & the smell of cedar , pine , and the forest & music and playing musical instruments & italian food & raving about attractive people with others; intoxication is a bonus & leather; wearing it and the smell of it & glasses clinking together & late night talks & stargazing & drawing / sketching & records and record players & animals & 'stealing’ and wearing the clothes of people he’s close with & running & card games & dancing and singing & creating something out of nothing & getting the last word .
HOBBIES. drawing & singing and playing instruments & exploring / learning as many places as they can like the back of their hand & people watching & drinking and bar hopping & seeking pleasure and adventure wherever he can find it & collecting random things he enjoys / likes .
WEAKNESSES. he’s standoffish until he knows he can trust a person and can come off rude or aloof & the inability to let go of most grudges & his tendency to follow his desires and his heart before logic or his mind & impulsivity when emotional .
STRENGTHS. independence and ability to function and thrive alone (even if he would prefer to have company it is not mandatory) & ability to be resourceful and adapt to new situations quickly & handles time-sensitive situations well due to his tendency to act quick and think later & stubbornness to stick to a task and see it through & quick thinking & agility and speed of inhuman proportions (thanks to his less than human side) .
HABITS. clicking his teeth together repeatedly when annoyed & flexing fingers & playing with his hair in absentminded / lazy moments & silently staring at someone when he’s done with a conversation until they catch the hint and stop talking & if there’s music playing within earshot he always ends up swaying to the beat & will often make less than human sounds (growls, etc.) when angry if he doesn’t catch himself .
EDUCATION. average student throughout elementary , middle & high school . graduated with an equally average gpa of 3.0 , & decided against college, choosing to seek education in less typical places . fed up with his family and much of the treatment of his peers, he began to learn magic from a witch he met on one of his regular trips to wander the ghost river triangle and explore & learnt magic and about the more mystical parts of purgatory - ultimately becoming a skinwalker via the witch’s guidance and training .
[ iii. APPEARANCE ]
FACECLAIM. booboo stewart .
HEIGHT. 5 ' 8 " , though when able to he wears combat boots that add a few inches to his height .
EYES. a very keen and observant hazel when he’s in human form . when shifting , eye colour can range from yellow to red to green to blue depending on many factors - location , how far he shifts , etc . always alert and bright unless intoxicated or in very rough shape emotion-wise . often wishes they were green or grey and has considered wearing contacts to change his eyes (human-wise) to those colours.
EYEBROWS. defined arch but not so much so that it’s dramatic . not too thin and not too bushy , and naturally neat - he rarely has to tend to them and usually only does so to shave a tiny slit or two through them as a stylistic choice .
HAIR. long and dark ; sleek with an ever so slight wave to it . typically worn either down or in a loose ponytail , occasionally sections are braided . falls just a few inches above his ribcage . every so often he’ll dye streaks into his hair but has never dyed his whole head .
SCARS. many . he has a variety of smaller scars from a rowdy childhood; a few faint ones on his hands and arms from scratches borne of cats and dogs . the typical scars that come from falling off bicycles or off swings ; scraped knees and cuts on chins . his forearms especially are covered in scars he prefers not to speak of . there’s a scar on his forehead from a fight with his cousin as well as a few long scars on his back .
DRESSING STYLE. it varies depending upon mood and whatever job he has at the time . especially fond of punk / alternative styles , likes leather , and enjoys the comfort of loose and flowing garments. whatever style he happens to choose at any given time , he wears well and somehow always manages to draw attention - whether from the jewelry he accessorises with (varieties of bracelets and cuffs , rings , pendants with gems , etc.)
LIPS. naturally full , scar at the right corner of his lip , occasionally sore or split when he goes through anxious phases and tends to chew at his lips .
SKIN. smooth , tanned . he doesn’t have much body hair , a fact that doesn’t tend to bother him much. he rarely engages in a skincare routine and much like his eyebrows generally stays neat and well-kempt without much effort . does not wear much makeup but enjoys eyeliner from time to time . if not for his skin tone, the dark circles beneath his eyes would be much more visible .
CHEEKS. defined cheekbones , not easily flushed . sports the occasional scars due to nervous picking when he was younger.
[ iv. ABILITIES ]
LANGUAGES SPOKEN. english [ fluent ] , hopi [ conversational & spellwork language ] , spanish [ conversational ] .
THREAT LEVEL. mediocre to high .
WEAPONS. fairly efficient in his understanding of magic and can easily hold his own with either combative or defensive magic , but prefers when possible to rely on his own physical skills ; is proficient in hand to hand combat thanks to the speed , agility , and strength bequeathed upon him by his skinwalker nature . very skilled in knifeplay , whether throwing or up close . has little to no practise with firearms as of 1x01 .
MAGIC. magic learnt by his mentor was primarily elemental based and neutral in that it could easily be manipulated for defensive or offensive ; he was never extremely proficient and left before he could complete his training so he is still learning his limits and the heights he can reach , and wants to branch out . as for the magical abilities granted by his status as skinwalker - he is able to shapeshift , which saps him of certain levels of energy that depend upon what creature he takes the shape of . he is also granted higher than average speed, agility, and strength because of this which he keeps with him even when not shifting.
[ v. DETAILS ]
➣➣ he was born in georgia originally to a loving but struggling mother and father - his mother was hopi and his father was creek, and while both parents had originally lived on their own respective reservations, they had met one another by chance during a trip and fallen in love, eventually deciding to seek out their own home outside of the reservations. his parents loved him but struggled financially; eventually his mother’s sister offered to take him in. as that was the better option rather than the three of them becoming homeless, crow’s parents sent him to live with his aunt in arizona on the rez. while they stayed in touch, his parents needed to stay in georgia, and as such he only would see them on the occasional holiday.
➣➣ while his aunt meant well, his cousins were another story. living with his aunt and uncle would have been fine had it not been for their two children; a son and daughter who constantly bullied him behind their backs for not being pure hopi as they were, often harassing him about being a ‘halfbreed’. a quiet boy at heart to boot, he faced bullying in school as well all the way through high school. his cousins, in tenth grade, snooped in his room and found his journal - which they used to out him as pansexual to the school.
➣➣ the moment he graduated, he spent as much time off the rez as possible, avoiding his cousins. on one of his frequent trips to simply explore nearby cities and towns, he found himself in purgatory. one drunken night led to following a mysterious woman into the woods. as it turned out, she was a witch. intrigued and excited at the idea of learning magic and having a way to defend himself, he quickly took her up on her offer to teach him. after a few months, she let him in on her secret - she was a skinwalker.
➣➣ she talked up how powerful she was because of it, and how no one would ever hurt her again. the more he heard about it, the more he wanted it. still unhealed from the way he was treated growing up and too caught up in the concept of never having to be beneath someone ever again, he agreed to let her hold the ceremony that would make him one as well without thinking of the consequences. when she told him that the final task he needed was to kill a family member... he almost faltered but agreed and went back to the rez.
➣➣ he almost didn’t do it. it was night when he returned, and he could see his male cousin drinking on the porch. the concept of killing someone - even someone like his cousin who had treated him so poorly - was daunting. he might have changed his mind had his cousin not seen him arriving and was immediately being malicious; using homophobic slurs and accusing crow of having run off with a lover, talking about how disgraceful it was. and it all was a blur from there.
➣➣ bringing back a lock of his cousin’s hair to the witch, she finished the rituals and he became the creature she had promised - powerful but at what cost? still wrought with guilt despite having made the ultimate choice, crow left the forests on the outskirts of purgatory where he had been training and into the ghost river triangle itself, unable to go home after what he did and unable to stomach facing the witch. living out of his truck, he went from odd job to odd job, eventually landing a stable job as a cashier at a grocery store. around this time he chose to begin going by the name crow - both to distance himself from his past, and because if someone were to want to control or destroy him now as a skinwalker, they could do so if they knew his true, personal name. as such, a nickname seemed the safest bet.
➣➣ fastforward to present day (1x01). after a few years of cashiering and attempting to rent rooms and apartments without success, as well as a stint playing guitar for an up and coming rock band, crow landed a job as a bartender at one of the local bars and instead of attempting to rent rooms or apartments, ended up moving into the trailer park. it was sketchy to say the least, but he couldn’t afford anything fancy and clearly didn’t handle having roommates well. a trailer seemed like the next best thing, outside of living in the woods or in his truck. his tendency to mind his own business and expect that of others meant that he mingled with normal purgatory residents and the revenants equally, pursuing his hedonistic nature as he pleased. which was all well and good, until things began to get... a lot more chaotic due to a curse and an heir he had originally had no knowledge of.
[ MORE TO COME THROUGHOUT CHARACTERIZATION DEVELOPMENT ]
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Idol: Jeonghwa/Junghwa (EXID)
Prompt: Hi. I've had a scenario in mind for a while now, so I'm glad the requests are open (I love you guys btw): marchingband!reader and cheerleader Jeonghwa (EXID). Something a bit angsty but with a happy end and, if you don't mind, some implied smut at the end.
Writer: Admin Kiwi
A/N: I’ll be spelling her name as Jeonghwa throughout the story, just as a heads up since people tend to spell her name both ways. Also, this brings back memories of band, when I used to be first seat and now I can’t even play my clarinet-. (And disclaimer: I’ve never been to a football game so uh. This probably isn’t accurate.) Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!
Warnings: Cursing, underage drinking, smoking and partying. Implied smut.
♡ Tip Jar♡
The first time you saw her, it was a hot, muggy day and you were standing on the field, sweating in your band uniform as everyone got into formation to practice. The heat was dizzying, and you could feel yourself spacing out, staring across the field as the band director said something probably important through his megaphone. As your eyes moved across the field, they landed on something bright, flashy, and sparkling over your school colors: the cheerleaders.
Specifically, the cheerleader in the middle, her dark hair curled and pulled up into a high ponytail, uniform glittering in the strong sunlight and smiling despite the unbearable temperatures. In fact, she looked like she wasn’t even bothered by the sun, not a drop of sweat on her face as she bounced on her toes, arms stretched over her head. You were staring, and you knew you were staring, but you couldn’t stop, watching as she leaned over to grab her sparkly pompoms, giving you view of her perfectly toned body.
“Alright, let’s go!” Your band director’s voice shocked you out of your daze and you quickly fumbled for your instrument, starting a beat later than the person beside you. They shot you a glare, but you pretended not to notice as you tried to keep your eyes on the director and not on the cheerleader on the sidelines.
But she kept drawing your eyes back, and as you tried not to boil alive in the giant layers of your marching band uniform, you watched them throw her into the air. Her hair glittered as the sun framed her face, and in your heat-induced delirium, you wondered it she was actually an angel on earth.
-
“Yo, (Y/N), you’re staring.” You blinked a couple times before turning to look at your friend Hyerin beside you.
“What?”
“You’re staring at the cheerleaders and it’s obvious.” She sounded bored as she flipped the page in her book, and you swallowed, glancing back at the table across the library. Of course you’d been staring, the cheerleaders were being loud, all crowded in the opposite corner around a table much too small for them. You doubted they were there to read.
“I just wish they’d stop being loud.”
“Sure, keep pretending like you weren’t staring at Jeonghwa’s pretty face,” Hyerin said, making you flush immediately and turn to glare at her.
“I was not.”
“I’ve seen the way you stare at her during practices. You know, I could introduce-.”
“No! No. It’s fine. She just has cool hair, that’s all.” You knew your face was on fire and you tried to hide behind the thick book in front of you, embarrassed that your best friend had seen right through you.
“Her hair must be really cool to make you mess up during practice whenever she bends over.”
“Shut UP. That has nothing to do with it.”
“Keep telling yourself that, maybe you’ll start to believe it yourself.”
-
You were putting away your instrument when you heard a commotion coming from the side of the field where the cheerleaders were practicing. You weren’t the only one, apparently, because everyone looked up, glancing at the side of the field. There seemed to be some sort of argument happening, and you shuddered, quickly looking back down at your instrument case. Fights were not your thing, and you wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
“Looks like your angel Jeonghwa is about to fight,” Hyerin said like it was nothing, making you hiss and kick at her as the two of you stood up.
“Can you not say it like that? Plus, it’s normal for popular girls to get into fights. Let’s just go before they start throwing things.”
The two of you had to walk right past the cheerleaders to get back, though, and as you got closer to them, you could start to hear what they were saying.
“I’m telling you, the throw and spin is too dangerous!”
“You can do it, Jeonghwa!”
“I know I can do it, but Yoojung couldn’t and now her ankle is hurt! I’m not supposed to be center the whole time and now with Yoojung hurt I think we should just take the move out of the second half!”
“So you want to just throw away everything I’ve choreographed.”
“I’m not saying everything, if you ever listened to me, you’d understand that I’m saying that we should just do a throw in the second half.”
“It won’t look as good.”
“So you’d rather your own teammates get hurt than let your own ego down.”
You swallowed and looked at the ground, not really understanding too much of the conversation other than that Jeonghwa was arguing with who looked like the captain, or whatever the cheerleaders called their leader. She was arguing against her teammates getting hurt (which honestly made her more of an angel in your eyes) but it was still a little bit scary and you wanted to just get out of there before-.
“Hey, Hyerin! You and your friend, come over here,” Jeonghwa called, and you winced, knowing that she meant you. Hyerin, like she didn’t know how intimidated you were, grabbed your arm and pulled you over.
“What’s up? What are you arguing about now?”
“They have nothing to do with this, they’re band kids,” the leader-girl said, putting her hands on her hips, but Jeonghwa just ignored her.
“Would you guys endanger your own teammates in order to make the performance look better?”
“No,” Hyerin said immediately, and you looked up at her, surprised at how easily she talked to Jeonghwa. “You know me, I stopped doing cheerleading because I couldn’t stand seeing people hurt at the orders of a dumb leader. Band kids don’t get hurt as much, and if we do, it’s mostly our own fault.”
“Thank you.” Jeonghwa was smug as she turned to you, raising her eyebrows, and you felt your heartbeat spike. She was even more beautiful up-close. “And you? What’s your name?”
“Oh, um, I’m (Y/N).”
“Okay, (Y/N), would you let your teammates get hurt?”
“No?” It came out more as a question because you were much more intimidated by the cheer captain-leader-person than Hyerin seemed to be, but Jeonghwa looked happy anyway.
“I rest my case. Endangering the girls is irresponsible of you as a leader and if you don’t change the throw and spin into just a throw I’ll be going to Ms. Bae Yoon Jung to complain.” At the mention of the terrifying teacher, the leader-girl turned white and shut her mouth, but you could tell she was seething, and you stepped back just in case. “Thanks Hyerin, (Y/N). Sorry to bother you guys, you can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing.” She gave the two of you a smile and your heart jumped up into your throat, but you managed to awkwardly smile back as Hyerin again took your arm and led you away.
It wasn’t until the two of you were off the field and almost back inside the school when something clicked inside your head and you turned to stare at Hyerin. “Wait, how do you know Jeonghwa? You were a cheerleader? Why didn’t I know about any of this?”
She shrugged, looking down at her instrument. “Jeonghwa and I have been friends since we were little, I guess I just forgot to mention it. And I didn’t like being a cheerleader, so I don’t talk about it.” She sounded like she was telling the truth, a little bit of distance in her voice, so you dropped it. Still, you couldn’t get the image of Jeonghwa smiling and saying your name out of your head for the rest of the day, the scene from earlier replaying over and over in your mind.
-
“Hey, Hyerin, (Y/N), thanks for backing me up yesterday.” Jeonghwa’s voice startled you so bad you almost choked on your sandwich, and Hyerin tried her best not to laugh at your reddening face, looking up at Jeonghwa who stood mostly behind you.
“No problem. I forgot that I never introduced you to my friend (Y/N),” Hyerin said, and you wondered if she had a death wish as you took a sip of your water to calm yourself down, hoping that you weren’t too red. “They’re in the marching band with me.”
“It was nice to meet you, (Y/N). Do you guys mind if I sit over here today? The cheerleaders are getting on my nerves right now.”
“Go ahead. It’s okay with you, right (Y/N)?” From the way Hyerin said it, you knew you didn’t have a choice, so you just nodded weakly as Jeonghwa sat down beside you.
“Hey, Jeonghwa’s sitting with the nerds today,” Hani said as she sat down beside Hyerin, grinning at the younger girl. “To what do we owe the occasion?”
“You guys aren’t nerds,” Jeonghwa retorted, grinning and kicking at Hani under the table. “Don’t insult the nerds, Hani.”
“Rude! You are rude, Jeonghwa.” Hani’s voice went up a notch as she argued with the girl beside you, and you glanced between the two of them. It felt weird to have both of them sitting there at the table you and Hyerin usually occupied with the other band kids. Somehow, Jeonghwa being there really made the popular Hani stand out against the rest of you, and you realized how weird it was that Hani sat with you and Hyerin instead of sitting with the other popular girls. It also struck you that you only knew these girls because you happened to be friends with Hyerin. Had the two of you never sat beside each other that first day of band practice, you wouldn’t know any of these girls. And that stung a little.
“Are you gonna go to practice?” Hyerin asked, breaking you out of your thoughts as she slid her water bottle over to Jeonghwa for her to take a sip. “If you skip, you’ll get yelled at.”
“I won’t get yelled at. All the teachers love me. The only person who’ll be upset is our captain Jimin, but she can’t hold a grudge forever.” Jeonghwa’s voice is dismissive as she munches on the hard cafeteria pizza, and you try not to stare at her perfect lips. “Are you?”
“Our band directer is strict, so we all have to go unless we’re dying.”
“That’s exactly why I joined the baking club. We don’t have practices,” Hani said, butting into the conversation like she always did. Jeonghwa said something in return that you didn’t catch as you looked around, realizing that the other band kids were staring. Your cheeks flushed, and you tried not to feel embarrassed, quickly turning back to stare down at your food.
The thing about sitting with three people who have been friends for a long time is that the conversation tends to leave you out. Hani said something that had to be an inside joke, and as everyone laughed, you felt a little sick to your stomach. You didn’t belong here with them. Not right now. There was no way you could contribute to this conversation, and Jeonghwa sitting beside you made you feel a little dizzy.
So you took your tray and slipped out of your seat, heading quietly to the doors. Hyerin sent you a look but let you go, and if the other girls noticed, they didn’t care enough to tell you to stay. Again, you felt sick as you threw away your remaining food and wondered why the universe hated you enough to make you fall for a girl out of your reach.
-
The next time you saw Jeonghwa, it was in the local ice cream shop. She was with her fellow cheerleaders, wearing their most scandalous uniform with her hair pulled back into a high ponytail. You’d seen them practice in that uniform before, but something about seeing it outside of school made your mind jump places that you didn’t want to name, and you blushed as you tried to push those thoughts away, turning back to your friend Soyou as she asked what flavor you wanted.
As the two of you approached the counter, the cheerleaders turned to leave, and your eyes met Jeonghwa’s. For a moment, it seemed like she might say hello, and your heartbeat spiked as you held your breath, but she just turned away like she didn’t even know who you were. As she walked away, you felt your heart crumble to pieces, and you swallowed, trying not to think about it too much. She was a cheerleader, of course she wouldn’t remember a band kid like you.
That didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, though.
“Hey, (Y/N)? You okay?” Soyou was looking at you, worried, but you just faked a smile and nodded.
“Yeah, I’m just fine.”
-
“(Y/N)?”
You’d just wanted to find a book to read. That was all. But now you were standing in the library in the same isle as Jeonghwa, who smiled with that soft smile you liked so much when she saw you. “That’s your name, right?”
“U-um, yeah. That’s me.” You were confused, to be honest. She couldn’t talk to you outside of school, but the library and the cafeteria were fine? “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I like to read sometimes. When things get too stressful on the squad.” She shrugged her shoulders, and you looked at the small stack of books in her arms. One was probably for a report, as it was a history book, but the other two were fantasy books that you’d read before.
“Those are good choices,” you said, for a lack of anything better to say, throat feeling dry as your palms sweated. What could you say to her? The two of you didn’t have much in common, and she was intimidating to be around.
“Oh, you’ve read them? I’ve heard they’re good.”
“They are. The author is really good at creating characters.”
“Thanks for letting me know.” She smiled and gave you a little wave as she turned away. “Good luck on your next performance! You guys killed it last time!”
As you watched her go, waving back, you wondered why she had to be so complicated. If she was just mean, it would be easy to get over her. But she wasn’t. And that made it impossible not to like her.
-
The thing about Jeonghwa was that, even as much as you knew you didn’t have a chance, you just couldn’t get her out of your mind. It seemed like everywhere you looked, she was there, laughing with her friends or hugging someone or just being friendly in general to everyone. Everyone except you.
You tried not to think about it, you really did. You tried to bury yourself in your work and your passions like the nerd you were. But it was hard to ignore her when, every time you practiced or played for games, she was there too, looking as gorgeous as always, glowing under the sun. It made it hard to focus, even when you knew you had to keep in line with everyone in order to make a perfect performance. Stress from her rolled into your stress over school and stress over making the perfect performance until it all became one huge ball and you felt like you might burst from the weight of it all. But you had to keep it in, at least until the last game of the season. You couldn’t let anyone else get distracted by your problems, not even Hyerin.
Hyerin had noticed something was off, of course she had, but she didn’t pry. After you told her that you were fine, she dropped the subject, even if she did seem nicer, giving you more space when you needed it but also giving you some of her snacks during lunch or taking you out to have fun after practice. It did distract you, at least for a little while.
Then came the big game.
The big game was the final game of the season. For once, the school’s football team had done well all season, and now they were down to one last game to see if they would keep their winning streak or lose to the rival school. Tensions were at an all time high: the band was required to do an extraordinary performance to try and out-do the other school, the cheerleaders were expected to look and perform their best, and the whole school was on edge, waiting to see how they would do. It made everyone a little bit stressed, and you were no exception.
You sat in your room with Hyerin, sheet music and position maps scattered across the floor. Both of you were tired, but the energy drinks now piled in your trash can had given the two of you the slight energy you needed to continue to get through the extra practice, and now both of you were slightly jittery. As you put away your instrument, Hyerin sighed and fell back onto the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
“Hey, (Y/N)?”
“Yeah?” You bit the top of your pen as you studied the music sheet. “What’s up?”
“There’s something I should have told you a while ago. But I didn’t want to make you more upset or whatever.”
You stilled, too afraid to look at her. “So? What is it?” You forced out, unsure if you even wanted to know.
“Before the fight and everything when you officially met Jeonghwa, she asked me about you.”
“What?!” That was not what you’d been expecting to hear, and you jerked your head up, eyes wide. “Wait, why would this upset me?”
“Well, she asked who you were. She said that she really liked your playing and said that she thought you were cool. But when I told her that she could just talk to you herself, she shook her head and said that she couldn’t. Something about her squad having something against dating band kids or whatever. Said that she didn’t want to cause any trouble, even though I told her that it was bullshit and that she should just, you know, not care what her teammates thought. But she wasn’t sure, and told me not to tell you.” For a moment, she was quiet. “I just thought you should know. Sorry for not telling you sooner.”
You sat still, taking in what your best friend had just told you. You weren’t upset with her for not telling you: that was to be expected, she didn’t want to make things worse and she didn’t want to betray her other friend’s trust. But you didn’t know what to make of Jeonghwa’s reasoning. Was there really some rule against the cheerleaders dating the band? That didn’t make any sense, but you could feel your heart sinking as you looked back down at the music on your floor. It did sound like something the cheerleaders might do.
“I wish I was cool enough to be a cheerleader,” you said quietly, and Hyerin sat up so quick she looked dizzy for a moment before putting her hands on your shoulders and looking you in the eye.
“No. Seriously, cheering on a high school team sucks. I left for a reason.” She looked serious, which wasn’t very common for her, so you stayed quiet. “I think you’re great just the way you are. There isn’t anything wrong with you for being a band kid. What would the game be without the band? Boring, that’s what. We’re just as cool as the cheerleaders, and that’s a fact. Don’t go pitying yourself or thinking you’re not cool just because some dumb upperclassman made a weird unspoken rule for the cheerleaders.” A smile came to her lips, and she shook you a bit. “Don’t go changing yourself on me, okay? All your friends love you just the way you are.”
Smiling yourself, you let her shake you a bit before pulling her into a tight hug, emotions twisting around in your chest. You were lucky to have her as a best friend. “Thanks, Hyerin. I really appreciate it.”
“That’s what friends are for, dude.” As she pulled away, she gave you a little wink. “Plus, I’m willing to bet that Jeonghwa would ignore that rule in a heartbeat if it meant being with someone she really likes. You should at least try to talk to her.”
Just the thought of talking to Jeonghwa or making the first move made you feel like you might explode into a ball of nerves, and you laughed, shaking your head. “I don’t know about that. But I do feel better now. Why don’t we go back to our music?”
“Ugh. If I have to play one more time tonight I’m going to chop my own fingers off,” she whined, flopping back down onto the floor. “Let’s just watch some movies! We’ve got it down, you aren’t first seat for nothing!”
With a laugh, you laid down beside her. A lot of the stress from earlier began to go away, and you figured it wouldn’t hurt to forget about the pressures of school and the thoughts of Jeonghwa, just for a little bit. “Alright, you win. What should we watch?”
-
The big game passed in a blur of heat and loud screaming. Your band uniform was still too thick and the sun was still too hot, and you found yourself dazing off as the game happened, only tuning back in when the cheerleaders did their routines. Jeonghwa, as usual, looked perfect, a bit smile on her face and not one hair out of place. You were reminded of the first time you noticed her out on the field as her ponytail bounced along with her, and you found yourself thinking back to what Hyerin said. Would she really ignore the rules of her team to be with you? You doubted it. Some little part of you hoped so badly that it was true, but you knew hoping would just hurt you even more. Still, you couldn’t help but imagine, just for a minute, that she was smiling at you as she danced.
-
Your school won. The game ended in a two-point lead, and you jumped up to cheer with the rest of the stadium, noise near deafening as everyone celebrated. Everything seemed to fly by as students hugged and screamed and flooded onto the field to congratulate the players, and for a moment, you didn’t have the time to think about Jeonghwa. You were focused instead on the players, and on the way your band director smiled widely as he told everyone what a great job you all did. It wasn’t until later, when you were finally putting up your instrument and getting ready to go, that you heard about the party.
“Are you going tonight?” Hyerin asked, and you looked up at her, a bit confused as you picked up your instrument case.
“Going where?”
“To the party?” She looked at you like you were crazy. “Do you really not remember everyone talking about it? If our school won, one of the football players was going to throw a party at his place. All of us are invited. Actually, I think the whole school might be there. It’s a good thing his parents are out of town.”
Now that you thought about it, you did remember someone mentioning a party or something, but you’d been too preoccupied to care then. Biting your lip, you glanced over at the rest of the field before looking back at Hyerin. “Are you sure we’re invited?”
“Of course I’m sure. Watch.” She turned to look at the rest of the band. “Hey, who’s going to the party tonight?” Most of the students cheered in return, and she looked back at you with a smug smile. “See? Everyone’s going.”
You still weren’t sure about all this, but Hyerin attached herself to your arm, grinning widely, and you sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll go. But... I’ve never been to a party before, so I won’t know what to do.”
“Trust me, you’ll figure it out. Let’s go!” Hyerin never left any room for argument, so you let her pull you along. But you glanced back at the cheerleaders, and for a moment, you let yourself wonder about what might happen tonight.
-
The house was huge. That was the first thing that went through your head as you walked up to the house, mouth dropping open slightly in awe. Just how rich was this kid? Students were everywhere, mixed with what seemed to be college-aged kids, and you could feel your nerves jumbling up inside your stomach as you followed Hyerin up to the house. What if the cops were called? Sure, this house was kind of far back from all of its neighbors, but you knew people could be really loud and you couldn’t get arrested. Your parents would kill you.
“Stop worrying,” Hyerin said, snapping you out of it as she threw an arm around your shoulder. “We’re going to have a great time tonight, just you wait and see!”
“If you say so.” You weren’t sure how much you believed her, but you went along with it anyway, letting her lead you inside and through the crowded halls. Some kids you knew, others you didn’t, but everyone seemed to be feeling friendly tonight. Instead of ignoring you like people you didn’t know usually did, everyone sent smiles and waves your way, cheering the school’s name and expecting you to cheer in response. It was a pretty cool feeling, and as a drink got shoved into your hand, you didn’t think twice about drinking it.
It tasted like you imagined hand sanitizer would taste, with the added side of some sort of strawberry punch, and it burned all the way down, making you wrinkle your nose. Hyerin didn’t even seem to be fazed by it, downing a cup and cheering before grabbing another, and you watched in amazement. How did she do that?
“Come on! Let’s find our people!” As she shouted at you, she disappeared into the crowd, and when you tried to follow her, you ended up lost in a sea of people inside the biggest house you’d ever been inside.
“Yo, (Y/N), I’m surprised to see you here!” You turned around to see Hani grinning at you, already looking a bit tipsy as she swayed. “The band killed it tonight!”
“Thanks,” you said, sending her a little smile. “Were you watching?”
“Duh! I’m always watching!” She made a motion from her eyes to yours, making you laugh. “I’m glad you’re here, though. Drink up! Have some fun! Let loose! Forget about all the stress, dude!” Yeah, she was tipsy. Laughing, you nodded your head along to what she was saying, reaching out to affectionately pat her head.
“I will, don’t worry!”
“Good. I love you!” The words didn’t mean anything coming from Hani. In fact, she always said that she loved her friends. What was different with drunk Hani, though, was the kiss on the cheek that she gave you, leaving you a little stunned and embarrassed. “Come find me when you want to dance!” She waved, and then she was gone, leaving you a bit dazed. Everyone around you was at least tipsy, and as people yelled and laughed and bumped into you, you decided that you should probably get tipsy too, just to deal with it all. So you braced yourself and swallowed down the rest of the drink even though it tasted like death, chucking the red cup into the trash before grabbing another one and heading off in the direction of the music.
The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. You danced with Hyerin, who gave you yet another drink, and some upperclassman named Solji patted your head affectionately as you talked until her girlfriend, a very intimidating looking girl, pulled her hand away and kissed her right in front of you. Later, Hani made you dance again, and then after another drink, you found yourself on a couch, trying to make your head stop spinning.
“(Y/N)?” The familiar voice made you freeze, your sober brain coming through for a moment to panic as you slowly looked up at the voice. Jeonghwa stood there, smiling like she always was, except tonight her hair was a bit messy and she seemed more than tipsy herself. “It is you!”
“It’s me!” The alcohol in your system made it hard to get the words out, and again, you felt a bit dizzy, but you tried your hardest to pretend to be normal as she sat down beside you.
“Hi! The band was great tonight!”
“Thank you, so were you. Like, the cheerleaders were great tonight.” You knew you probably didn’t make any sense, but Jeonghwa just continued to smile, apparently not noticing as she leaned in closer. Your heart jumped as her eyes went to your lips for a brief moment.
“Did you watch me?”
The room was shrinking. “Uh, yes?”
“Good. That makes me happy. Cheers!” She knocked her cup against yours and took another sip. Not wanting to feel left out, you took another sip too, wondering why they seemed to taste better with every cup. Did that just mean that you were getting drunk? You felt tired and giddy and-. “Hey, wanna check out upstairs?”
Your mind whirled with possibilities, but you put on a smile and tried your best to be steady on your feet as you stood up. “Yeah! Let’s go!”
Upstairs was full of bedrooms, some with groups of people playing games and others with the doors closed and locked. You were pretty sure you knew what was happening in there. As you walked, her shoulder brushed up against yours, getting closer with every step until she was holding your hand. Your mind spun. What was happening? Were you dreaming?
The air felt tense and heavy when she pulled you into one of the empty rooms and closed the door. You couldn’t see much in the darkness, but her hand was still holding yours, and you could feel her leading you somewhere. It was seconds later when your back hit an unfamiliar mattress and her lips were against yours. She tasted like alcohol and chocolate, and for a moment, you stayed still, wondering if this was some sort of prank. But your drunk brain pushed all common sense out the window and told you to kiss back and not miss this opportunity.
Before you knew what was going on, her hands were wandering across your body, cold fingers slipping under your shirt as you pulled her closer, tangling your fingers in her perfect hair. If you were sober, you’d be worried that you weren’t good at this, but right now, you just wanted her, her, her. Liquid courage was a real thing, and it was wonderful.
At some point, both of your shirts had come off, and now she was sucking and biting at your neck with her fingers playing at the hem of your pants, and you were in heaven, pleasure flowing through your body. How was she so good at this? A moan flowed from your lips, and at the sound, she paused, coming up to kiss you again. It was slower this time, and when she pulled away, she sat up, breathing hard along with you.
“We can’t do this,” she whispered, and you opened your eyes to look at her, heart sinking. “We’re drunk, we can’t. I can’t.” She was crying, all of a sudden, and you reached out to touch her shoulder for a brief, quiet moment.
And then she was gone, and the room was silent, the ghost of her fingers still trailing over your skin as you stared at the empty spot on the bed beside you.
-
You woke up with a headache and a terrible taste in your mouth in a bed that wasn’t yours. For a moment, you blinked up at the ceiling, wondering where you were, before you recognized Hyerin’s blanket on top of you and sat up. As you did, the door opened, and Hyerin poked her head inside, smiling when she saw you up.
“Oh, hey! You’re up!”
“Not so loud,” you whined, falling back onto the bed and closing your eyes. Laughing, she walked over, and you felt something cold hit your face. It was a water bottle, and she had pain killers in her other hand.
“It’s your first hangover! Congrats!”
You rolled your eyes at her antics as you took the medicine, trying to remember everything that had happened the night before. “How did I end up here?”
“Well, you found me last night and just started crying, and I knew you were too drunk to go home, so I told your parents that you were spending the night at my place and brought you here. You fell asleep immediately too. Didn’t even change out of your clothes.” She gestured to you, and when you looked down, sure enough, you were in the same jeans and t-shirt that you’d worn to the party the night before. Slowly, the events of the night before began to come back, and you shuttered, remembering the bedroom and Jeonghwa’s lidded eyes.
“I think I fucked up,” you said, and Hyerin raised her eyebrows, sitting on the edge of the bed beside you.
“Why do you think that?”
“Jeonghwa and I.... Um, some things happened last night. And then she suddenly stopped and said that we couldn’t do it. I don’t remember why, but she just started crying and left. I think I messed up somehow, like breaking the rule she has with her squad.” You couldn’t close your eyes without the scene from last night replaying in your head, so you focused on her blanket instead, wishing that the light didn’t hurt so much.
“(Y/N), I really don’t think that’s what she meant. I mean, the two of you were drunk. I know her well, and Jeonghwa isn’t the type of girl who would want to do a drunk hookup with someone she really likes. I bet she panicked, thinking that you were only with her because you were drunk.” Your best friend placed her hand on your shoulder, and you tried to think back. What had she said? What excuse did she give? “Try not to worry about it too much. There’s breakfast ready downstairs, once you’ve eaten and taken a shower, you’ll probably feel better.”
Smiling, you looked over at her. What would you do without her? “Thanks, Hyerin. I appreciate you.”
“Of course, dude! That’s what friends are for. Come on down when you’re ready, okay? Your extra toothbrush is where it always is.” She stood up and stretched, yawning slightly before she exited the room, and you let out a sigh as you stood up as well. Your phone sat on the nightstand and you picked it up, looking at the time. It was pretty early for a weekend, but it wasn’t the time that caught your eye. It was the text from an unknown number.
-Hey (Y/N), this is Jeonghwa. Hyerin gave me your number a while ago but I never had the confidence to text you until now. I’m sorry for last night, I panicked because I really like you. So I’d like to take you for coffee, if that’s okay? Just let me know your answer!
First, you pinched yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Then, a smile broke out across your face and butterflies started up in your chest, making you feel dizzy and drunk all over again as you sat back down onto the bed. This was real and wonderful and suddenly your head didn’t hurt as much anymore. After staring at the text for a while, you slowly and carefully typed out your answer. Once you were done, you clicked send and headed for the bathroom with a skip in your step and a smile on your lips. Life was looking up, and you were lucky, both to have Jeonghwa, and to have such a great friend in Hyerin. You couldn’t wait to tell her the good news.
-Don’t apologize, I understand and I’d love to get coffee with you! Just tell me when and I’ll be there.
#exid#jeonghwa#junghwa#femifics#exid scenarios#exid scenario#jeonghwa scenarios#junghwa scenario#junghwa scenarios#jeonghwa scenario#girl group scenarios#kpop scenario#girl groups#kpop girl groups#t:highschoolau
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hey ! my name’s link , i go by he/they pronouns , am 21+ & live in the cst timezone ! my only personality trait is being a bts , sment & girl groups enthusiast . i’m an aries sun with a pisces moon , which means i can be aggro , am always loud & obnoxious , but am a secretly sensitive softy , so plz be nice to me !!! this is my child , mikey , who’s stuck in 2006 & never grew out of his emo phase ( take that , mom ! ) . he’s also an aries , because my jjks always end up like that . hopefully , you’ll love him as much as i already do ! under the cut , you’ll find some misc . info & wanted connections . here are links to his dossier page & his pinterest board , which will hopefully give you some deeper insight . i’m excited to be here & write with you all ! like this if you’d like to plot & i’ll fly to your ims , but also feel free to add me on d*scord ( it’s easier for me as well ) : no brain only loving bts#6669 !
— jeon jungkook. he/they. demiboy. | was that michael “mikey” kwon i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the twenty-two year old spends most of their time working as a record store clerk / studying communications , but i’ve always just seen them dyeing their hair different colors with kool-aid . they live in 3c and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of getting into arguments online , an entirely black wardrobe and drinking six cups of coffee to make it through the day .
misc . info :
his parents are both very hip artists who met & fell in love while attending art school. they’re both very modern kind of parents, which meant that mikey grew up around a lot of self-expression (& being told to try it for himself), paint everywhere & pot.
growing up, he was allowed to paint his walls & even ceiling however he pleased & it instilled a love of creativity in him. his parents still have paintings he did as a child hanging up on their walls & fridge. even now, he still draws casually, though it was always a hobby for him & not his actual passion.
his parents are extremely caring & understanding. as a teenager, they allowed him to go out & party & always made sure to get him home safely. mikey genuinely can not remember a single time they ever yelled at him even when he fucked up massively. so he tries his best to make sure they’re happy & taken care of. but they’re adamant in supporting whatever mikey wants to do.
they were both the alternative types, which meant that rock music filled their home. mikey was familiar with classic rock from a young age & the sounds of fleetwood mac & other similar bands fills him with a warmth that can only be attained from childhood nostalgia.
his first taste of love came at the age of seven. his parents always brought home new albums to listen to & his dad purchased three cheers for sweet revenge by my chemical romance. while the screaming & raging instruments could have been too much for anyone else his age, mikey embraced it fully.
it ignited an adoration for the genre as a whole & soon enough, his parents were bringing home various emo music albums to sate the always dramatic & over-reacting mikey. for christmas, he received mcr’s discography (at the time, just two albums) on vinyl, which he still has hanged proudly on his wall as an adult.
he owns every variation of every mcr album now. vinyl, cd, cassettes. he even collects the japanese versions because he likes the way they’re designed.
he dropped the name mike / michael because of mikey way & he refuses to answer to anything else.
even though it’s largely part of “cringe culture” now (which mikey refuses to participate in), he loves hot topic & goes there whenever he can. his closet is full of band tees & he has a drawer filled with those spiky belts, bracelets & pants with the suspenders from his teenage years.
he’s been dyeing his hair regularly since he was twelve. he’s had every color under the sun. this is what his hair currently looks like but he dyes the highlights with kool-aid, so the color is always changing.
he has a nostril piercing & would probably get more done if someone so much as implied that he should.
he has a mcr stan twitter account & he gets into fights with everyone he decides has a wrong opinion. he’s been suspended multiple times for being too aggressive online, but he always comes back. he also has a tumblr account but he just uses it to reblog pictures of gerard way (his bias KJHFDKJ).
he works at a record store & goes to school for communications. he hopes to either be a radio dj or podcast host. he wants to get paid to talk about how much he loves music either way. but he loves his current job because he gets to talk about music all day and recommend albums to people. also it’s helpful in perfecting his own vinyl collection.
yes, he cried the day mcr broke up & yes he bought tickets to all their reunion shows. he took the day off when the tickets went on sale & his boss was understanding, knowing how much he loves the band.
he’s extremely impulsive. if you tell him to do anything, he more than likely will. he has a lot of stupid scribbled tattoos on him for this reason, especially on his hands.
while he doesn’t mind appearing masculine & even embraces it, he doesn’t fully align with being a man. he started identifying as nonbinary in his teens, but has never felt 100% a man his whole life. he’s fine with both he or they pronouns for the most part, though he does have his preferences day to day. he introduces himself as nonbinary so it’s not a secret & everyone who interacts with him is aware.
he’s kind of a party animal. he’s that loud person who drinks too much & ends up blacked out on the floor.
he gets in trouble a lot, because he plays music very loudly at both his workplace & his apartment. but he’s of the opinion that if music is too loud for you then you’re just too old.
he’s aggressive & very arrogant. he will fight you about anything & everything. he just likes to argue & he thinks he’s right about everything.
in typical aries fashion, he loves to flirt & be flirted with. he just adores attention & seeks out affection where he can find it. he gets crushes really easily & pursues aggressively (he’s extremely charming & good at making people feel good about themselves), but he gets bored when he actually obtains the person he desires. he’s never really seriously dated, but has had over a billion crushes in his lifetime.
thought dramatic & annoying most of the time, he’s also very loyal & has a good heart. if you’re in his circle of people he likes, then he’ll do anything for you point blank. he always tells his friends that he’d die for him & he means it.
while he tries to appear confident, he has secret insecurities stemming from being the middle child. he has issues with feeling like he’s not good enough or thinks he’s unnoticed by everyone, so he acts up by being dramatic.
he drinks A LOT of coffee, so he’s pretty much always bouncing off the walls.
he’s extremely pansexual & loud about it. if you’ve known him for longer than five minutes then you’ll find out how he wishes he could smash gerard way specifically in the helena mv to smithereens.
he very casually knows how to play guitar. he’s that person who plays wonderwall at every party.
while he’s not a fan of pop music, he knows most girl group dances & can do them well.
wanted connections :
exes (any gender. it will more than likely be something casual, like a few months or less, but we can discuss the timeline! also it can be messy or friendly. extra points if there’s lingering feelings!)
hookups / fwbs (any gender. singular experiences or regular type things)
childhood plots for those who’ve lived in seattle (childhood friends, first kisses / crushes, all that good stuff)
flirtationships that don’t go anywhere
one-sided crushes (don’t mind who has the feelings!)
mutual pining but they’re both idiots & have no idea
party buddies (can be drinking &/or smoking). emo music buddies. netflix buddies. any of these can be combined.
enemies???? (if we can decide on a suitable plot. or enemies with benefits :smirk:)
someone who knows of mikey from his stan twitter but doesn’t realize it’s him & talks shit openly about the asshole who runs the account in front of him.
on the opposite side of the spectrum, someone who he flirts with in the dms & they plan to meet up after realizing they live in the same apartment building.
tinder date (it can go well or not)
frequent customers (customers he flirts with or can’t stand because they just loiter or gets into fights with because they have bad taste in music
someone who takes advantage of mikey being willing to do anything he’s dared to do. make him do all the stupid shit he shouldn’t be doing, whether it’s getting tattoos / piercings or anything dangerous or just idiotic.
you’re sick of this asshole blasting music late at night & go to yell at him for it but oops he’s actually attractive (or you actually can’t stand him, whichever GKDHFGJFKD).
i have a huge tag full of plots i’d love to do on my rp spam blog. not all of them will be fitting for mikey but just ask me & we can try to change some elements or something!
literally anything you can think of i’m probably down for it!
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Official Website—Member Profiles
Translations of the artist profiles on the ARP website.
Words in blue are taken from the official English translation. Links have been added for context in the Q&As.
SHINJI
Birthday: December 6th (Sagittarius) / Blood type: A / Height: 178cm / Weight: 60kg / Gender: Male
The son of a famous composer and an opera singer, he received advanced education for playing the violin, ballet, and figure skating from a young age. After graduating from middle school, at the urging of his parents he entered the prestigious artist vocational school ISM (International School of Music) in Yokohama, where he’s remained at the top of his class at school since enrollment. Diligent at everything he attempts, he is the de facto “leader” of ARP. He refers to his fans as “princesses” and “knights”.
Q&A
Favorite international artists: Dirty Loops, Pharrell Williams, Michael Jackson
Favorite Japanese artists: Hibari Misora
Instruments you can play: Violin, piano
Pre-show rituals: Huddling and doing a group cheer
Favorite subjects: Music
Least favorite subjects: None
Favorite school lunch: Omurice (at ISM, they draw a musical note on it with ketchup)
Favorite ISM teacher: I don’t like or dislike my teachers
Hobbies: Online shopping, cooking, running, and researching Japanese confectionery
Talents: Whistling, Internet research
Animal you’re most like: Dog
Animal you want to have as a pet: I currently have a Boston Terrier named Mimi
What you wanted to be when you grew up: Ballet dancer, Takoyaki chef
Favorite season: Beginning of winter
Favorite movies/animation: Kingsmen, and I’ve also recently gotten into American superhero and sci-fi movies
Favorite ramen flavor: Salty
Favorite sweets: Freshly ground convenience store coffee, chocolate mint frappes, and handmade traditional Japanese confectionery
Favorite onigiri filling: Eggs and ground beef
Favorite oden ingredient: Eggs and radishes
Favorite type of girl: Someone who likes me, and adores me more than anyone else in the world
Least favorite type of girl: I can’t think of anything
Favorite hairstyle on girls: Whatever suits them
Favorite clothing for girls: Whatever suits them, and also long knit sleeves during winter
Gifts you give to girls: Bouquets of roses and dahlias
How you spend your days off: Cooking, taking Mimi for walks, going home to my family
Favorite amusement park rides: Merry-go-rounds and spinning teacups
Events you often go to: Any sort of opera
Everyday clothing: GUCCI, YSL, Ron Herman
Sleepwear: Silk pajamas, though sometimes I fall asleep in my bathrobe
Cologne used: CHANEL No5 L’eau
First thing you do after waking up: Take a shower
What you would bring to a deserted island: A chef
First love: A girl in my ballet class
DAIYA (REBEL CROSS)
Birthday: August 7th (Leo) / Blood type: O / Height: 187cm / Weight: 71kg / Gender: Male
A member of the duo “REBEL CROSS.” His real name is Daiya (大哉). DAIYA was raised at an institution after losing his parents at a young age. While in elementary school, he was invited by his close friend RAGE to form the indie band CROSS BONE. In addition to being the vocalist, he was also the band’s guitarist. He won 1st place at the International Street Dance Competition. He personally designs ARP’s clothing, accessories, and merchandise. He is good at all sports, and serves the role as the team’s “older brother”.
Q&A
Favorite international artists: Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Qemists, Eminem, Jazzy Jeff, and many more
Favorite Japanese artists: I don’t really listen to them
Instruments you can play: Guitar
Pre-show rituals: Polishing my costume's accessories
Favorite subjects: PE, Art, Calligraphy
Least favorite subjects: Math, anything related to history, Japanese
Favorite school lunch: Don’t care, I always just choose curry
Favorite ISM teacher: My calligraphy teacher
Hobbies: All types of designing
Talents: Dancing, doing backflips
Animal you're most like: A cow (according to RAGE)
Animal you want to have as a pet: An otter or a cat
What you wanted to be when you grew up: A superhero
Favorite season: Summer
Favorite movies/animation: Marvel movies, The Matrix, John Wick
Favorite ramen flavor: Pork bone and soy
Favorite sweets: I rarely eat sweets, although sweet red bean soup is alright
Favorite onigiri filling: Pickled plums
Favorite oden ingredient: Konjac
Favorite type of girl: Girls with some volume (softness is important)
Least favorite type of girl: Girls who use too many fake eyelashes
Favorite hairstyle on girls: Long and glossy hair
Favorite clothing on girls: Vintage accessories with denim, shorts, short skirts in general, fishnet stockings
Gifts you give to girls: Handmade accessories
How you spend your days off: Going to instrument stores, shopping for jeans, cleaning and doing laundry, playing video games (WWE/Spiderman)
Favorite amusement park rides: Rollercoasters and haunted houses
Events you often go to: Pro wrestling and martial arts matches, though lately I've also been watching basketball games
Everyday clothing: T-shirt with jeans
Sleepwear: Jersey (although I sleep in my underwear during the summer)
Cologne used: If worn I use Verveine by L’Occitane
First thing you do after waking up: Gargle
What you would bring to a deserted island: A fishing rod and Rage
First love: My kindergarten teacher
RAGE (REBEL CROSS)
Birthday: August 23rd (Virgo) / Blood type: AB / Height: Private / Weight: Private / Gender: Private
A member of the duo “REBEL CROSS.” Their real name is Reiji (怜士). At age 14, they teamed up with their best friend DAIYA to form the dual-vocalist indie band CROSS BONE, considered to be the predecessor to REBEL CROSS. They became known as the “prize winner” after they won various contests. They were then scouted by AR Productions and signed under the condition of attending ISM. They earn excellent grades in school. They are vehemently opposed to losing. They also work on song production. They refer to their fans as “sub-members.”
Q&A
Favorite international artists: RAGE (REBEL CROSS)
Favorite Japanese artists: RAGE (REBEL CROSS)
Instruments you can play: Guitar
Pre-show rituals: Touch an Ise Shrine charm
Favorite subjects: Japanese
Least favorite subjects: Cartography
Favorite school lunch: Pancake plate (with bananas)
Favorite ISM teacher: The lunch lady
Hobbies: Living
Talents: There’s nothing I’m bad at
Animal you’re most like: Cat
Animal you want to have as a pet: Any animal
What you wanted to be when you grew up: RAGE
Favorite season: I'm not a fan of hot weather
Favorite movies/animation: The Harry Potter series
Favorite ramen flavor: Super carb-heavy ramen (primarily for its cost-effective performance)
Favorite sweets: Awkeotsang figs, convenience store sweets, Chinese almond jelly, Japanese parfait
Favorite onigiri filling: Red rice and red roe (because they're red)
Favorite oden ingredient: Eggs and kelp
Favorite type of girl: All girls who love me should be my lovers
Least favorite type of girl: Girls who won’t admit that they love me
Favorite hairstyle on girls: Pigtails
Favorite clothing on girls: Short pants and miniskirts with slit leggings
Gifts you go to girls: Ladurée macarons and Échiré candy
How you spend your days off: I’m on 365 days a year, I don’t take holidays
Favorite amusement park rides: Bumper cards, labyrinths, solving riddles, escape rooms
Events you often go to: Musicals
Everyday clothing: Nothing looks bad on me (Daiya says jerseys are fundamental)
Sleepwear: In my birthday suit (though sometimes I'm in clothes)
Cologne used: Cotton candy
First thing you do after waking up: Open my eyes
What you would bring to a deserted island: Guitar
First love: Everyone who loved me
LEÓN
Birthday: March 1st (Pisces) / Blood type: B / Height: 176cm / Weight: 60kg / Gender: Male
LeOn was born in Kobe, Japan to a Japanese father and Brazilian mother. He left home to enter Yokohama’s ISM, where he lives in the student dorms. It wasn’t long before his remarkable 4-octave vocal range and model-like appearance caught the attention of AR Production. He wrote the lyrics and music himself for FANTASISTA. Part of his appeal comes from the stark contrast between his reserved off-stage demeanor and high-energy performances. He refers to his fans as “tantan” and “tantan men”. He is in charge of the “Brief Glimpses” on ARP’s official Instagram account.
Q&A
Favorite international artists: Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson
Favorite Japanese artists: Chris Hart, Seiko Matsuda, Mr. Children
Instruments you can play: A little bit of guitar, digital music
Pre-show rituals: Singing and dancing by myself
Favorite subjects: Music, PE
Least favorite subjects: Art (I have no artistic sense)
Favorite school lunch: Fried pork with ginger (good for the throat)
Favorite ISM teacher: My PE teacher
Hobbies: Dancing, daydreaming, watching soccer
Talents: Knowing trivia about staying healthy, singing girls’ songs
Animal you’re most like: Meerkat
Animal you want to have as a pet: Turtle (I used to have one)
What you wanted to be when you grew up: A soccer player
Favorite season: Summer
Favorite movies/animation: Toy Story, soccer manga and anime
Favorite ramen flavor: Pork bone
Favorite sweets: Sofuol yogurt, Country Ma’am cookies, cream puffs, key lime pie
Favorite onigiri filling: Chicken mixed with vegetables
Favorite oden ingredient: Glutinous rice inside fried tofu
Favorite type of girl: Nearby girls
Least favorite type of girl: Crude girls
Favorite hairstyle on girls: Energetic hairstyles and ponytails
Favorite clothing on girls: Anything fluffy
Gifts you give to girls: Clothing
How you spend your days off: Clothes shopping, watching soccer on TV, visiting Rebel Cross, debugging Furefure
Favorite amusement park rides: Freefall rides, haunted houses, carts or segways that go fast
Events you often go to: Any sort of concerts, soccer matches
Everyday clothing: A parka over a t-shirt
Sleepwear: Fleece in winter and a t-shirt with shorts in summer
Cologne used: Ultramarine
First thing you do after waking up: Stretch in bed
What you would bring to a deserted island: DAIYA—he can cook and fight animals
First love: The girl who sat next to me in elementary school
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The Status Quo
Part 5 of Breakin’ Free, a High School Musical Sanders Sides AU
Chapter Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality (one-sided)
Chapter Warnings: Cliques, Roman Continues to Be Oblivious, Now Logan Is Too
word count: 3,411
Reader tags: @residentanchor @royally-anxious @bewarethegrammarpolice @jemthebookworm@arandompasserby @sparkly-rainbow-salt @astral-eclipse @thelowlysatsuma
<<4.What I’ve Been Looking For | 6. Lunkheads>>
read on ao3
SCENE: Hallways of East High, the Next Day
“CALLBACKS?”
The entrance hall echoed with Dee Evans’ distressed screech. Cee stood with him, trying to calm him as they both studied the posted list in the entrance hall. The list had the expected handful of names for the singles roles, but for the first time in years, so did the leads.
“Callbacks for Arnold and Minnie, next Thursday, 3:30pm,” Cee read aloud. “Cee & Dee Evans, Virgil Montez & Roman Bolton.” He frowned in confusion.
“Is this some kind of joke? They didn't even audition!” Dee snapped.
“Maybe it’s a prank!” Cee said, eyes lighting up. “Maybe this is part of one of those online prank compilations! You have all those fans, maybe they’re just messing with you!”
“Excuse you, the Dee-Lights would never do this to me,” Dee said grumpily. “Just shut up, Cee!”
Behind them, the basketball team strolled in, led by Remy. Seeing the twins looking frustrated, Remy was ready to mock their distress without a second’s thought.
“What’s wrong, princess,” he drawled, looking over his sunglasses at the board in front of them. Then he read the names there, and his face fell.
“Whomst the fuck?”
He glared at Cee and Dee, as if this was their fault. Dee glared back with equal intensity as Cee nervously avoided eye contact with both of them. Remy turned on a heel and stormed off as his teammates stayed behind to stare, whispering among themselves.
SCENE: Lunchroom
Dee paced back and forth on the raised half of the lunchroom, still fuming. His brother and the rest of the drama club watched in varying degrees of nervousness, Joan’s the highest as they attempted to avoid the man’s notice.
“How dare that… Montez boy sign up! I've already picked out the colors for my dressing room!”
“And he hasn’t even asked our permission to join the drama club,” Cee said sympathetically.
“Someone’s gotta tell him the rules,” Dee muttered darkly.
“Exactly,” Cee said with a smile, then frowned. “Wait, what are the rules?”
Dee rolled his eyes at his twin and scowled down at the lunch room as a whole.
Below him, the basketball team and cheerleaders were chatting and tossing around Remy’s ball as they ate. Energy for the upcoming game was high without bordering on stress - they still had a whole week, after all. Even the current lack of their team captain didn’t bring them down.
Patton Baylor was with the team today, smiling near the center of the group and making sure everyone was heard. At a lull in the conversation, he spoke out to them all.
“You all know how much I love our squad, right?”
“Of course, Pat,” a cheerleader said with an adoring smile.
“And I love basketball too -- when I’m on a roll-”
“It’s nothing but net!” a teammate exclaimed with a whoop.
Patton grinned. “And that’s why I want to confess something to you all.”
The entire group turned to listen excitedly, and not a few students at other tables as well.
“Uh, Pat, are you sure that’s a good idea, don’t forget Valentine’s Day freshman year…” Remy said, sipping from a huge container of iced tea.
“What happened?” an underclassman asked.
“He publicly came out as pansexual and there was a literal stampede as everyone who’d thought they weren’t his type raced to get him a card or candy. The teachers had to step in as traffic control. I was almost killed in the rush, swear to god.”
Pat waved a hand. “No, nothing like that, Rem! It’s just -- well, if Roman is going to be a singer, I want to confess, too.” He took a deep breath, and smiled around the small circle of athletes. “I bake!”
“Excuse me, what?”
“I love to bake! Strudel, scones, cookies - even apple pandowdy!”
Rem snorted. “First of all, no, Ro is not singing, there was clearly a mistake. Secondly, why?”
“I just like it! Someday, I hope to make the perfect crème brûlée…”
Teammates whispered to each other nervously. One freshman finally said, “But Patton - you’re a basketball player. Are you leaving us?”
“What? Of course not! I just also like baking!” Patton said. His bright smile was starting to falter, and he had started to nervously run a hand through his mop of bouncy curls.
“Pat, babes, let me give you some advice, okay?” Remy said, drawing the taller man in close. “Don’t mess around, okay? The championship game is coming up, and we need every player focused. Just stick to the stuff you know, hun. It causes less problems.”
Patton nodded his understanding, but sank into silence as talk resumed, a mask of concern replacing his perpetual smile.
He barely listened to his teammates as lunch continued, which is how he noticed the disturbance happening at the next table over.
The science club members were busily working on assignments and extra reading when they were interrupted by one of the shorter members.
“Guys, I have a secret as well.”
“You do? Well, please share, Terrence!” a student across from him said, leaning in to listen.
“You all know how much I enjoy the natural sciences, particularly ornithology, but to be quite frank, my passion is hip hop, and dancing. And I’m good at it, too. I can pop and lock with the best of them.”
“Is that even legal?” another student asked, looking disgusted.
“It’s just dancing. But it’s just so much fun that sometimes I’ll practice instead of homework!”
“Terrence, that’s ridiculous. You’re on the decathlon team - you know we don’t have any time to spare on non-intellectual pursuits. If you want to be a good team member, you’ll focus on your work, not some ridiculous dancing. We can’t disrupt our current team balance if we want to advance - we need to maintain the status quo.”
Terrence sat, dejectedly. But he looked up and made eye contact with Patton. They shared a half-smile of understanding, then both left their tables. They found an empty table in the middle of the lunchroom, and started to chat about their ‘different’ interests.
Another voice sounded from across the room. A tall student at the skater table was catching his friends’ attention. “Fam, I got this need that I cannot deny, and I wanna come clean.”
“Speak you mind, my man!”
“I play the cello!”
“Awesome! What’s a cello?” asked another skater, staring in confusion.
The tall student mimed the instrument and bow.
“A saw?”
“No, my dude, it’s like a giant violin,” he responded, smiling.
“What? That’s not rad at all. You don’t have to wear a costume, do you?”
“Tux and tie, man!”
Another friend snorted in disgust. “I thought you wanted to be cool, Jamahl. That ain’t it.”
“But, I can still jam on it, it’s fun-”
“It’s a simple rule, dude. Pick your one thing and stick with it. You can’t pop an ollie and play a friggin’ cello.”
Jamahl turned away from the group, and caught Terrence and Patton’s eyes. He looked at the skater table in disappointment, and walked away, joining the smaller group.
Rumbles continued across the lunchroom. In every clique, there were people breaking away, sparked on by hearing others’ confessions. More and more people came to join Patton’s new table. A science club member bumped into a history buff and they recognized each other’s Doctor Who pins. A drama club girl trying to convince her friend to return to the table saw a band geek’s Hamilton t-shirt. The more people left their tables, the more they began to mix, until the groups were beginning to dissolve entirely.
Dee watched from above, fuming. “This is not what I meant by sharing the rules! I don’t understand. Something is...” he pursed his lips, searching for the correct word.
“Something’s not right!” Cee offered.
“Shut up, Cee. Something is wrong.”
The rumbles of mixed conversations below him were raising to a peak when Dee suddenly shouted through the room, “Everybody quiet!”
Virgil Montez had just entered the lunch room, Logan McKessie at his side. Called to attention by Dee’s shout, every student saw them and stared.
Virgil paled, seeing hundreds of faces turned in his direction. “Um, Logan, why is everybody staring at us?”
Logan looked around, adjusting his glasses. “Oh, they are not staring at us.” Virgil started to calm down when Logan continued, “They are just staring at you.”
He blanched with fear, trying to look for an escape route through the crowd. “Because of the callbacks? I can’t have people staring at me, Lo. I really, really can’t.”
Talk suddenly resumed at an even higher volume, parts of groups mixing while others tried to hold their members back, arguing loudly. Virgil edged through the crowd with Logan behind him, looking for a quiet corner where he could disappear. He clutched his lunch tray close to his chest, hoping he’d be able to eat his cheesy fries in peace somehow.
Logan stared at the crowds in confusion. Where was all this… mixing coming from? Were those science club team members talking to basketball players and skateboarders? With a start, he saw his science club protegé Terrence chatting happily with Patton Baylor. He hadn’t realized that the school sweetheart had ever even noticed people on the science team. Or, perhaps he’d been hoping he wouldn’t notice them. Somehow, the prospect of actually talking to the tall, friendly man was rather terrifying.
That is illogical, Logan, he is just a person. He offers no physical danger, he is just tall. The only thing about him that could cause harm is how his smile could probably make someone die from happiness.
Wait, what?
Logan shook his head to clear it of such odd thoughts, and in doing so noticed Dee Evans descending the stairs, staring directly at Virgil.
He attempted to get the shorter man’s attention, but as he tapped his shoulder, Virgil’s foot hit a patched of spilled milk and he slipped. His lunch tray went flying, airborne cheesy fries turning into greasy projectiles, all falling directly on Dee Evan’s perfectly coordinated green outfit.
Every student who saw the collision went silent, and the rest of the room followed suit as Dee began to scream.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, are you okay?” Virgil sputtered out, blushing a deep red that showed even on his golden-brown skin. Logan pulled him away as Dee began to hyperventilate and the teachers on lunch duty hurried over.
One was Ms. Darbus. “What is going on here?” she demanded, looking from Dee to Virgil.
Dee glanced at Virgil for the split second it took to make a decision. “Look at this!” he cried, his face the picture of dignified affront. “That Montez boy just dumped his lunch on me - on purpose! It's all part of their plan to ruin our musical. And those basketball robots are obviously behind it! Why do you think Roman auditioned?” He sniffed delicately, getting choked up. “After all the hard work you've put into this show. It just doesn't seem right.”
As he spoke, Roman walked into the lunchroom, eyes going wide at the scene in front of him. He sidled over to Remy and gestured to the the pandemonium and the sniffling Dee.
“Hey, Rem, what’s up?”
“What's up? Oh, let's see…ummm...” Remy said sarcastically, gesturing with his tea for effect. “Your new boyfriend or whatever is attacking our resident YouTube Princess, you missed free-period workout yesterday to audition for some heinous musical, and now suddenly people are... confessing.”
Roman turned slightly red. “Boyfriend? I don’t have a- wait, confessing? What?”
Patton was walking by, heading towards the exit, when Remy grabbed him and pushed him in from of Roman.
“Exhibit A. This bitch is baking. Cream boolay or some shit.”
“Oh, what’s that?” Roman asked
“Crème brûlée!” Patton said, practically vibrating with excitement. “Oh, it's a creamy custard-like filling with a caramelized surface. It's really satisfy-”
“Shut UP, Pat!” Remy groaned.
Patton went silent, dejected, and walked away, looking like he was trying to hide in plain sight. For a six-foot-seven basketball player, it was nigh impossible, but Jamahl and the skaters caught him and struck up a conversation.
Remy gestured angrily at the group. “You see what’s happening? Our team is coming apart because of this dumb singing thing. The drama geeks, the brainiacs, they all think they can talk to us. Look, the skater dudes are… mingling.”
Roman stared at his best friend. “Is that… bad?”
“Suddenly people are thinking that they can do other stuff. Stuff that is not their stuff. They've got you thinking about show tunes, when we've got a playoff game next week!” Remy said, exasperated. “The team needs you, Ro. You’re the captain. Without you, we have no leader. You know you’re my bro, but you need to decide where your focus is gonna be, and I hope you decide fast.”
He pushed his sunglasses back over his eyes and left the lunchroom, leaving Roman alone.
In the corner, Virgil was sitting with Logan, trying his best to hide from Dee and the rest of the drama club.
“Is Dee going to hunt me down? I did apologize and it was clearly an accident, right?”
“Virgil, I have not gone out of my way to learn more about the Evans twins, but I have been in their class since we were children. And no one has ever beaten Dee out for a role he had set his mind to, not since kindergarten.”
Virgil gulped. “I’m not trying to beat anyone out! We didn't even audition, we were just... singing.”
“I do not know that you will be able to convince him of that.” Logan responded, adjusting his glasses. “He is an admittedly talented actor, one who can happily and easily play characters of any gender. And he is incredibly ambitious. If he could convince Ms. Darbus to let him play both Romeo and Juliet, even Cee would be pushed out.”
“He’s welcome to it. This audition thing, it just happened. But… I actually liked it, a lot,” Virgil said, a small smile spreading across his face. “Logan, do you ever feel like there's this whole other person inside of you just looking for a way to come out?”
Logan stared back. “No.”
Virgil grimaced and looked down, embarrassed, before Logan continued. “You see, I have already come out, several years ago.”
Virgil looked up again, making eye contact with a straight-faced Logan. “Mr. McKessie, was that a joke?”
“Of course not. Jokes are for non-serious people. I, however, am very serious. See, I wear a necktie.”
Virgil snorted as they both walked out of the lunchroom. He was fairly certain he spotted the hint of an amused smirk on Logan’s face, too.
After their next class, he discovered a note stuck in his locker. A crude map of the school was drawn with a red arrow looping around it. It was signed with a smiley face, and a big red R.
SCENE: Rooftop Garden
Virgil climbed the stairs to the roof, only to find a huge trellis covered in green life. Shelves and pots of cacti and succulents surrounded him. Roman was waiting on a bench, grinning.
“Dang, basketboy. It’s like walking into the wilderness up here.”
“Not as wild as that cafeteria, right?”
“Oh god,” Virgil said, covering his face. “Don’t remind me. Not even a full week at a new school and I’ve already humiliated myself into the next century.”
“Nooo, don’t worry about it. They’ll forget with the next public breakup. It’ll be fine.”
Virgil sighed, trying to relax. “So what is this place? Your secret hideout?”
“Yeah, basically,” Roman said with a grin, admiring the view. “Thanks to a couple key members of the science club, the team has no idea it exists.”
Virgil felt a weight in his stomach again. “You really have the school wired, don’t you? Seems like everyone wants to be your friend, or do you favors, or be with- be around you.”
Luckily, it seemed Roman hadn’t noticed his slip of the tongue, caught his own contemplation. “Oh yeah, I’m everyone’s Prince Charming. Right up until we lose.”
“Is it hard, being the coach’s son?”
“He makes me practice harder, which isn’t always a bad thing. I just don't know what he's gonna say when he finds out about the singing.”
Virgil grimaced. “You worried?”
“It’s just…” Roman started, then stopped and sighed.
“We don’t have to talk about it-” Virgil began, but Roman shook his head.
“No, I want to talk about it. I never really can, not with the team. The thing is, my parents’ friends are always saying ‘Your son is The Basketball Guy. You must be so… proud.’” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “I am proud of the team and how well we work together. They’re my best friends, and they trust me to lead them. But sometimes, I don’t want to be ‘the basketball guy,’ I just want to be a guy, you know?”
Virgil nodded, then realized Roman was staring off into the distance and couldn’t see him. “I do know. But I saw you talking with Joan the other day, the way you treated them. Do your friends even know that version of you?”
“To the team, I’m the captain, and the playmaker,” Roman responded quietly. “That’s what they need me to be.”
“Then they don’t really know you, do they?” Virgil asked. “I mean it when I say I get it. At every school before this one, I’ve been the weird gloomy science boy. At least, until some asshole outed me and I became the weird gloomy bisexual science boy. I’ve actually had a fresh start here - I’ve been just me, whoever that is.”
“Still a little gloomy, or at least emo,” Roman said, pointing to Virgil’s purple hair with a lopsided grin.
“Guilty as charged, princey-boy,” Virgil retorted. “The weirdest thing is that yesterday, in auditions… while singing with you, I just felt like a boy.”
“You even look like one, too,” Roman said, faking shock. Virgil stuck his tongue out at him.
They both sat, surrounded by plants and silence, staring over the desert landscape that surrounded the school. Virgil finally broke the comfortable silence.
“You know, it’s funny, being surrounded by plants, I can’t help thinking about being a little kid again. When I was in kindergarten, I actually got married to my friends.”
“Friends, plural?”
“Oh yeah. A girl and boy, at the same time. The ceremony was under the willow tree and we all had flower crowns. It was very moving. I mean, the flower crowns were actually just handles of clovers we’d pulled out of the grass and dropped on each other’s hair, but still.”
Roman laughed. “Well now I feel lame. The most exciting thing that happened to me in kindergarten was Remy moving across town. He finally moved next door and I got to see him every day instead of just most days. Little did I know I could have been in marital bliss all these years.”
“Unfortunately, that was right before my mom’s ex left, and we moved for the first time. I’ve been in so many schools over the years since then. But you know the one thing I really miss? The first couple of moves, I’d meet a new kid, and they’d know nothing about me, but ten seconds later we’d be playing like we’d been friends for life. Once you get older, everyone’s more cut off, and not as willing to talk to the new kid. That’s how I became this anxious emo mess,” he said, with a gesture to all of himself. “But New Year’s, and yesterday… singing with you feels like being in kindergarten again. It’s just easy.”
Roman looked over. Virgil was smiling, his face more open and lit up than he’d ever seen him. His golden-brown cheeks were practically glowing.
“I never thought about it before you - singing, I mean,” Roman found his eyes slipping down and getting caught on the boy’s full lips and pulled his glance away, hoping his blush would go unnoticed. “But um. I’ve also liked it. The singing.”
Virgil looked over. “Roman, do you want to actually do this? The callbacks?”
Roman thought a moment, then met the other boy’s eyes. A grin spread across his face. “Just call me the weird callback boy, My Chemically-Inclined Romance.”
#breakin’ free#breakin free#high school musical au#high school au#Roses Writes Fanfic#sanders sides fanfiction#sanders sides fanfic#Roman You Are So Very Gay#ts roman#ts virgil#ts patton#ts logan#ts remy#ts deceit#//deceit#everyone loves patton
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Season 8, Mission 13: On The Rocks
Here we stand
~
SAM YAO: Janine, I'm really not sure you should be pushing yourself like this.
JANINE DE LUCA: Saying it a 38th time will not discourage me any more than the previous 37, Mr. Yao.
SAM YAO: Look, a few days ago you could barely stand, and now you're running around like nothing's wrong. The potion Five got from the scientists on Dearg might have slowed down the nanites, but you're still... [sigh] I mean, you're not well, Janine. I can tell by looking at you.
JANINE DE LUCA: Mr. Yao, since Jones destroyed the armory, zombies have been encroaching on this island in ones and twos. We now have run out of what little ammunition survived Jones' attack. The patrols at the caves can no longer fend off the zombies approaching from the sea.
Reports from last night suggest that the previously dormant zombies on Niomh Island are on the move. Fewer zombies are visible on the island. Several have been observed walking into the sea. All indication is that there is a large horde headed toward Mor Island underwater.
We have no effective weapons, no cure, and no support coming. As the most experienced tactical mind on this island, it would be grossly irresponsible for me to spend this time reclining!
SAM YAO: Well... yeah. Okay. I mean, I can't argue the point. But still!
JANINE DE LUCA: Five, plans are underway for a defense against the coming horde, but time is short. I will brief you on our strategy as we make the final preparations. Our first stop is with Dr. Cohen in the center of town. Let's go.
~
[crowd chatters]
JANINE DE LUCA: Keep going through the town square, Five. As you can see, the streets are abuzz with people evacuating their houses. Dr. Cohen ought to be near the clock tower, coordinating the effort.
MORAG BROWN: You're ordering these people to leave their homes!
PAULA COHEN: We discussed this at the town hall, Morag. We can't defend a town of this size.
MORAG BROWN: Some families have had these homes for generations. It's our right to die where we've lived!
JANINE DE LUCA: Dr. Cohen. Miss Brown, nobody has to die here. We are putting a plan in place.
MORAG BROWN: And if you had any confidence in this plan, you wouldn't be sending all the children off the island in rowboats!
JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Brown, we are decamping as many as we can to secure buildings in the archipelago. There simply aren't enough boats to get everyone out in time. Everyone else must relocate to the laird's residence. It's the largest and most secure building on the isle.
MORAG BROWN: Don't you think I bloody know that? Do you not see I'm just bloody terrified? Bloody outsiders. Judgment Day comes and you expect the blitz bloody spirit from everyone in sight. And you, William Donny! I see you trying to load a stereo into that wheelbarrow.
SAM YAO: She's got a point, Janine. These people are scared. They think they're going to die.
JANINE DE LUCA: That's why it's important they see us here, readying to defend them.
PAULA COHEN: Here. Jody got the local carpenters to break down all the furniture we could find to make arrows. There's about a hundred in the bags. You shouldn't be on your feet, Janine. I trust Sam's been going on about it?
SAM YAO: I really have.
JANINE DE LUCA: I trust you are wiser than he, Dr. Cohen.
PAULA COHEN: It's your choice, Janine. I know how frustrating it is to fight your own body.
JANINE DE LUCA: As with any battle, Doctor, it begins with squaring one's mindset. Come on, Five. These arrows are needed on the beach, and we must deliver them. Run!
~
[zombie moans, bow string stretches, arrow thuds into zombie skull]
JODY MARSH: Good shot, Dr. Hines! Right in the forehead of that zombie.
JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Marsh, how goes the archery?
JODY MARSH: We've got zombies shambling onto the beach in small groups. This dune is pretty good for taking them out. It overlooks the surf. And of the six islanders who've volunteered to learn archery, turns out four are pretty good.
SAM YAO: Can you see the birds, Janine? I don't have any cams on Faoileig Sands.
[seagulls caw]
JANINE DE LUCA: We see them. See that huge vortex of gulls on the horizon, Five? Those birds mark the zombie approach. There's a large horde underwater and bits of their flesh are drifting to the surface, attracting scavengers. Miss Marsh, we bring you arrows from town. The evacuation is underway. How long can your archers hold this beach?
JODY MARSH: We're okay dealing with small numbers, but when the bulk of that horde arrives...
JANINE DE LUCA: Understood. Your job is to buy the evacuation as much time as you can, then fall back. That is phase one of the plan. Watch out for that large man carrying a log, Runner Five!
SAM YAO: And who is he, exactly?
JODY MARSH: That's Albert. Hebrides caber tossing champion three years running. He's going to chuck logs at the zoms when we fall back, buy us extra time to get away.
JANINE DE LUCA: Local ingenuity at its finest. Come along, Five. Our next stop is the laird, and he won't want us to be late. Run.
~
[crowd chatters]
JANINE DE LUCA: There's the laird's manor, Five. Rather reminds me of a boarding school I once infiltrated. And that's the laird, addressing the crowd at his door.
LAIRD REID: Everybody into the house! There's plenty of room to spare. We've got blankets and board games. Please don't touch anything that looks more than a hundred years old! Colonel De Luca, as directed, the townspeople are flocking into my humble home. [metal clatters] Oi, that was a 16th century suit of armor! Try to be careful!
JANINE DE LUCA: It looks like you have things under control.
LAIRD REID: I have the [?] you requested. The accordion and pipes from my family's musical collection. Jones has brought a terrible darkness to this island, Colonel. I cannot thank you enough for working to destroy – [glass shatters] Excuse me. I must keep the crowd under control.
SAM YAO: Uh, just got an update from Jody, Janine. She says the gulls are over halfway to shore.
JANINE DE LUCA: Then we must hurry. I expect you're curious about the musical instruments, Five. They are phase two. Chief Macallan is awaiting them near the wind farm. Run.
~
[music from various instruments including bagpipes]
JANINE DE LUCA: There's Chief Macallan, Five, by that stream just east of the wind farm.
SAM YAO: Yeah, I've got cams up in the area. Looks like the chief has all his deputies with him, and – the church choir? All playing instruments! Fiddles, drums, horns. Like a really weird folk band.
JANINE DE LUCA: This is phase two, Five. Chief Macallan and those locals are an improvised noisemaker. [shouts]
DUNCAN MACALLAN: Colonel De Luca, are you all right?
JANINE DE LUCA: Just a sprain, Chief Macallan. I assume Dr. Cohen delivered my briefing to you?
DUNCAN MACALLAN: Paula stopped by the station first thing this morning. As I understand it, we're just to stand here and make lots of noise.
JANINE DE LUCA: The zombies must be pulled well away from the laird's manor. You will create noise to draw them to this location. It's vital you do not let them get too close to you or your people. The instant you hear moans in the distance, you must drop your instruments and withdraw.
DUNCAN MACALLAN: Aye, to the caves half a mile from here, you said. You're sure we can hide there from the zoms?
JANINE DE LUCA: This spot was chosen for its proximity to a good hiding place, and the zombies will be preoccupied by our final distraction.
DUNCAN MACALLAN: Colonel, safeguarding this island should be my job. Jones, and now this...
JANINE DE LUCA: We rise to the occasion, Chief. I have no doubt you will. Five, next is our final stop. the cliffs to the south. With me. Run!
~
JANINE DE LUCA: These cliffs are rather dramatic, aren't they, Five? [laughs]
SAM YAO: Jody just checked in, Janine. More and more zoms are coming ashore.
JANINE DE LUCA: Understood, Mr. Yao. Look to your left, Five. See Shona and that group of islanders? More volunteer defenders. They're equipped with pitchforks in case of combat, but combat is not the plan. [zombies moans] Look to your right. There is a zombie secured to a boulder with rope, caught by Tom wandering a beach this morning. It is safe. Tom is standing vigil with a claymore.
SAM YAO: That is one very Highlander sword. Only sharp weapon in the laird's collection, apparently.
TOM DE LUCA; We're all ready for the demonstration. I could perform the demo instead, Janine, if you need it.
JANINE DE LUCA: What I need, Tom, is to feel like myself. I'm an asset, never a burden.
TOM DE LUCA: Janie, you're saving this whole island! You'll always be asset condition 1. All right, I'm going to cut all but one of the rope lines restraining the zombie, then stand back. It won't take long for the zom to break free of the final rope.
JANINE DE LUCA: Five, you take position over there. I will stay here. Shona's already seen a McShell maneuver in action. Now you and I will demonstrate it to the rest. When the zombie is free, you run right, and I go left. The zombie will be caught in the middle and will march over the cliff. Don't worry about me, Five. I know I can do this!
TOM DE LUCA: Ropes cut. The zombie's breaking free. That didn't take long. It's going straight for you!
JANINE DE LUCA: Five, run!
~
[zombie growls]
JANINE DE LUCA: Good job, Five. That zombie went straight over the cliff.
SHONA: So there you go, folks. That's what a McShell maneuver looks like. The zombie just gets caught in the middle.
TOM DE LUCA: Zombies get rather confused when prey is equidistant. They just keep going in a straight line.
JANINE DE LUCA: Hence plan three of our defense strategy. Once Chief Macallan lures the zombies to a designated point, Five and I will close in on them from either side. We will herd them over this cliff to smash on the rocks below.
SAM YAO: It's tricky to keep a McShell stable for long, Janine. What if something goes wrong?
JANINE DE LUCA: That is what Shona and her volunteers are for. Now that they've seen how it's done, if Five and I fail, Tom can lead them in making a second attempt.
SHONA: The rocks down there should be enough to splat the zoms when they go over, but just in case, some of us climbed down this morning and coiled barbed wire nets over the rocks. Any zoms that don't get pulped will get tangled up in it. The tides'll tear them apart.
JANINE DE LUCA: A very sensible additional defense.
SHONA: Least we can do when you're doing so much for us.
SAM YAO: Got another update from the beach, Janine. The horde's almost there.
JANINE DE LUCA: And our plan is in place. Miss Marsh delays the zombies, Chief Macallan lures them, and Five and I throw them off a cliff. I won't lie, the chances of every element working as intended are slim. We must perform at our best. I have seen enough communities fall to the zombie apocalypse. I do not intend to see another! On this island, here and now, this is where we make a stand!
~
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Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0
ahhhhhh,, you so nice
1: My name? - Margaret
2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky
3: Zodiac sign? - libra
4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine
5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo
6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes
7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia
8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now
9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry
10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool
11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires
12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view
13: Favourite word? - aurora
14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/
15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff
16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials
17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool
18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea
19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller
20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great
21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life
22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??
23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things
24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them
25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!
26: Favourite season? - fall and spring
27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;
28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho
29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon
30: Eye colour? - brown
31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights
32: Someone I love? - my mom
33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard
34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon
35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!
36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh
37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy
38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing
39: Am I superstitious? - kind of
40: What do I think about most? - right now, school
41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias
42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind
43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping
44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly
45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good
46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years
47: Favourite animal? - dogs
48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia
49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation
50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off
51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it
52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off
53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos
54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black
55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years
56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier
57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee
58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???
59: Afraid of heights? - nope
60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers
61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???
62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah
63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do
64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho
65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile
66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes
67: Scared of the dark? - nope
68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29
69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from
70: Can I sing? - no ;-;
71: Something I wish I could do? - sing
72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account
73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes
74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places
75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!
76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)
77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me
78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl
79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty
80: Can I drive? - yeah!
81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport
82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones
83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun
84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any
85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????
86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london
87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade
88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l
89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!
90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating
91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying
92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!
93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd
94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms
95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch
96: Can I cook? - yeah!
97: Can I bake? - yeah!
98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants
99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l
100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,
101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone
102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)
103: Sexual orientation? - straight
104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night
105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D
106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D
107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,
108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there
109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work
110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,
111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???
112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D
113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????
114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country
115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!
116: Can I juggle? - no
117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)
118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!
119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!
120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything
121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of
122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes
123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no
124: Do I like clowns? - not really
125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each
126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right
127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah
128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t
129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand
130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination
131: Am I a good liar? - i think so
132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)
133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time
134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert
135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it
136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily
137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad
138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no
139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/
140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better
141: Have I ever been underweight? - no
142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out
143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no
144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!
145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p
146: Have I ever been overweight? - no
147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!
148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;
149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want
150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????
151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah
152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night
153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!
154: Do I want children? - no
155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart
156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him
157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad
158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week
159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains
160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too
161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal
162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much
163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends
164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees
165: Do I believe in fate? - not really
166: Favourite animal? - question 47
167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it
168: Have I ever been on TV? - no
169: How old am I? - 19
170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”
171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty
172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them
173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them
174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday
175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho
176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??
177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there
178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death
179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t
180: Do I like shopping? - yeas
181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion
182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it
183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???
184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered
185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing
186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure
187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”
188: Love or money? - money
189: Love or career? - career
190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho
191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy
192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here
193: What motivates me? - spite
194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down
195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool
196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out
197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now
198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires
199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city
200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS
201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall
202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye
204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no
205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy
206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet
207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had
208: Do I collect anything? no
209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind
210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece
211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something
212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma
213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes
214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka
215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them
216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent
#that took forever#it kept getting deleted and i would have to start over#sorry it took so long#selfie#????
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Survey #201
“one for all, all for one. we are strong, we are one. we are one nemesis.”
Do you feel pressure to keep your life interesting? It's not interesting at all, so. I'd sure as hell like it to be.
At what time in your life were you happiest? If it was in the past, would you want to go back and relive it, though still knowing all the things you know now? Like... early-mid-'17, maybe? That's when my recovering really kicked off. I wouldn't go back.
Is there anyone who seems to always be under the influence of something when you see them or talk to them? Does it bug you? No.
Have you ever found the blog of someone you knew in real life, but not very well? How did it change your opinions on them? No. Then again I've never tried to.
What is something you are incredibly behind on? Politics. I'm more importantly (to me, lmao) half a year behind on Good Mythical Morning, believe that or not. I don't watch TV anymore so don't really care, but I'm massive seasons behind on Supernatural.
What’s the last allergic reaction you had? Shit, right now with this seasonal business. I've been congested for weeks.
What does it mean when you start eating less? What does it mean when you start eating more? If I eat less than usual, it'll always relate to weight loss, I assure you. I've worked to greatly improve on the latter, however; eating more generally means I'm extremely depressed. Or bored, but I've got enough discipline by now to not eat if I'm not hungry.
Is there anything you feel the need to organize by chart? No.
What’s your opinion on mid-day naps? Go for it, it's good for you anyway.
When’s the last time you spontaneously made plans? With who/to do what? Who knows; I don't have people to spontaneously make plans with.
What’s the strangest named pet you’ve ever had? Probably Harry Potter the guinea pig. Or the fact I had a Chinese water dragon, green lizards, named Shadow. Okay look he was my second pet and I was little.
What are some defense mechanisms you find yourself using when in an argument with someone? It's very likely I'll try to be totally factual and short without true thought as a fear reaction of losing the person, while on the inside I can be in a total panic attack.
Do you know if there is anyone who was once important to you that you will never talk to again, even though you could? I absolutely will not speak to my former best friend unless completely necessary for whatever reason.
Do you and your boyfriend or girlfriend fight a lot? Not at all.
Have your parents ever told you that you couldn’t hang out with a certain someone? No.
Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? I. Absolutely. NEVER will. I will absolutely hurl.
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend get mad/jealous when you talk about the opposite sex? Nope.
What was the last R-rated movie you watched? Halloween, I believe.
Have you ever painted a car? No.
Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. I've never understood the appeal of them at all...
Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No.
Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No.
Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No.
Have you ever met someone in person that you met online? Sara! There're others I hope to one day, too.
Have you got any half or step siblings? Four halves, one step.
Do you like kids’ movies? Not tiny kids (like, Barney and such type of things), but "kid movies" like Disney and such, hell yeah.
Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? No.
If you have younger siblings, how old were you when your siblings were born? I was just over two years old.
Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? No. I did that in... I think middle school and some of high school, though. I have NO idea how I used to be able to do that.
The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? I'm not sure.
Are there a lot of trees in your yard? Not in the yard, no. There's a good number just beyond our fence, though.
What was the high and low temperature where you live today? Phone says 31*F and 50*F.
Have you ever made ice cream out of snow? Snow cream, yeah. That's a common southern treat when it actually snows.
What’s the coldest you remember ever walking outside in? Maybe single digits?
What’s your least favorite color? Puke green. Or maybe bright yellow (pastel is pretty).
…and your favorite? Pink.
What’s your second favorite color? Maroon or burgundy.
How many pairs of gloves do you wear in the winter? Usually zero.
What’s one thing that most people complain about that you love? COLD WEATHER.
What do you remember the most about recess at school when you were a kid? Oh boy... when my meerkat obsession began, I unintentionally started a trend of digging "burrows" with others in the sandbox. Our nails by the time we were done, holy shit. I LOVED doing it.
What color are your kitchen chairs? A mess of beige hues with floral stuff on it, I think? I just know they're hideous and we all hate them. I don't really pay any attention to what the cushions really look like, though.
Have you ever dated anybody online? *points to Sara*
Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? Nah.
Were you ever a 'secret admirer’ before? No.
Ever stalked someone? No.
Do you poke a lot of people on Facebook? Is this even a thing still? But I didn't, no. What was even the point.
What’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home? Illinois.
Have you ever been close to getting kidnapped? Oh um no. Never seen this one on a survey before.
Do you have any eating disorders? No, thank god.
Do you plan on getting married? I hope so.
What is one of the saddest novels you’ve ever read in your lifetime? First thing that came to mind was The Giver. I'm sure there's others on par with or sadder than it, but it's just the first that came to me.
Orbit or 5 gum? I think I prefer 5?
Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Many.
The last time you threw up, what caused it? An ex-med I was on that had a strong side-effect of vomiting. Quit that.
Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? Maybe? Idk.
Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? I'm sure there's something somewhere, but nothing that comes to mind.
Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? I think that's fact... I'm not saying religion itself is bad, no, but I think everyone can agree there'd be more peace without it.
Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah; I don't take nearly enough pictures to have a new one, though I wanna change it because WOW do I look like a bitch.
Why did you choose your icon, anyway? I thought the picture itself was decent, and it let my inner goth pop out a bit. If only I had the wardrobe and dedication.
Any fun facts (on any topic) you’d like to share? Well here's your meerkat one: Meerkats are the second-most social animals on Earth, falling just behind naked mole rats.
Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? "Hurt my feelings" isn't the right word; I feel embarrassed.
Do you like it when people give you nicknames? Yeah, actually. Even just calling me "Britt" makes me feel like we're closer or something. More personal ones though, I really like.
When you make friends, are you usually the one to "make the first move"? Definitely not.
What fandoms are you in? Like, A LOT, but actively, Markiplier, a few other YouTubers, Silent Hill, Shadow of the Colossus, World of Warcraft, and meerkats. Maybe more, idk. I lose count. I would say Spyro, but I'm totally uninvolved in some areas of it, like Skylanders.
Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I wouldn't say left, just lost a considerable amount of interest, like Good Mythical Morning and PewDiePie. Used to watch every day, and now both are seldom.
Do you more often feel superior or inferior to others? Inferior.
Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled, definitely.
Can you do any impressions? Not of a specific person.
Do you carry pepper spray? Have you ever had to use it? No.
Best thing to do during a power outage? Play a horror game as my laptop's battery dies lmao. At night, anyway. During the day, idk.
Has your power ever gone out for more than a day? I don't believe so.
When was the last time you had a headache? What about stomachache? Headache, I believe once when Sara was here early this month. Stomachache, not that long ago.
Which one of your classes goes by the slowest? N/A
The last time you walked somewhere, who were you with? Probably at Sara's down the path. Maybe something later, but idr.
Where is your second home? Sara's is the second house I'm most comfortable in besides my own. Or maybe Dad's, idk.
What did you last have a conversation with one of your siblings about? Idr.
Do you have the person you hate the most on Facebook? No.
How many times did you clean out your text inbox today? I don't clean it out. Well, I have once or twice while trying to make space on my phone.
What’s something you would do drunk but never do sober? I have a feeling I'd be way more open than I'd like.
Have you ever had a night that’s been hands down the best night of your life? If so, describe what happened? I'm not sure.
What time do your parents normally get home from work? Dad, idk. I don't live with him. Mom, it varies greatly, but typically 8:30ish.
Is family the most important thing in your life? If not, what is? My definition of family (only includes people who I feel are emotionally family), yes. Or my mental health.
Is writing something that you enjoy doing? Ha ha obviously.
—would you rather read or write? Write.
Would you rather draw or take photographs? Take photos.
Do you prefer black and white or color photographs? Why? I can't pick a side; changes in color can seriously alter the emotions of the shot, making neither superior to the other imo. Both are beautiful, some moreso than others, depending on the composition.
What was the last thoughtless thing you did? I'm not sure.
What is one movie you’ve seen, but few others have? A lot of "idk" in this one. Off the top of my head, the kids movie Napoleon wasn't popular in America, I think?
—how about a movie you haven’t seen, but many others have? The entire Harry Potter series.
What is something you do subconsciously? Play with my lip ring.
Who was the last person to toy with your emotions? *shrugs*
When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue.
what’s the most money you’ve received from the ‘tooth fairy’? I think $5?
Describe the main problem with your last relationship? I didn't like him in that way.
When was the last time you debated with someone? Some time ago with Sara about a political view. And mind you it was a friendly debate, not an argument as apparently all are nowadays.
What cartoon/anime character can you most relate to? There's too many characters to think through.
Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? Leave me and my Mark icons-in-the-making alone.
Do you have your own personal water jug? If so, where did you buy it? No.
How do you get rid of your hiccups? Nothing works for me.
When you sneeze, do you sneeze into your hand or the inside of your elbow? Elbow.
What actor/actress do you find weird? Lol I'm not to judge there.
What’s your ultimate favorite bagel? Just a normal one with a moderate amount of cream cheese.
Do you have a blister anywhere on your body? No.
Do you get manicures/pedicures regularly? I never do.
When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? February '17.
What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? She'd spank me and/or say I was grounded for a week, which always only lasted like a couple days or so.
What’s something you’re really bad at compared to others? Like, any kind of math.
Who is the person you are the closest to? (emotionally, not physically) Mom or Sara in different ways.
What are some odd habits you have relating to food/eating? I'm picky as fuck with texture. I'm particular with food in general.
Last furry thing you touched: My kitty. <3
What do you check out first when you check someone out? I've never really paid attention... I mean, it probably depends on the person, what catches my attention most?
Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No.
Would you raise your children like your parents raised you? In some ways, in other ways no.
Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No.
Are you donating your organs? Yup.
Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom threatened it.
Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No.
Who was the last person you spent more than 15 minutes on the phone with? My dad.
Have you been swimming in the last six months? How long ago was the beach trip... idr. Maybe.
What hair color looks best on you and what’s your natural color? From what I've had so far, I love red on me. My natural color is brown.
What is your favorite show to watch? That '70s Show is something you can always put on and I'll pay attention. Like, I'm never /not/ in the mood to watch it if I have to watch TV for whatever reason.
Do you wear necklaces? Rarely.
Do you blush easily? Yup. ;-;
Are you an artist/writer? Not professionally, but I do both.
Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? Yes and yes.
Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? With kids, not at all. At all. Instead, I have them big time in serious, romantic relationships; I have the biggest "PROTECT PROTECT TAKE CARE FOR THEM AND PROTECT AT ALL COSTS" instinct. ACTUAL mama bear.
Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? Does anyone not have this kind of person in their life? Anyway, I've maybe said so casually and gently where it was relevant, but I'm not positive. Of course it's hard to support them, and sometimes I simply can't, ex. with my former best friend.
What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? INDEPENDENCE. I'm borderline on the diagnoses of dependent personality disorder with how I have a very difficult time making my own choices and doing lots of things on my own; it's a serious problem with my mom, and I worry how I'll be when I no longer live with her, really. Like, she still schedules my appointments, makes some serious phone calls I'm scared doing myself (but sometimes she can't with me being an adult), she handles just... a lot.
Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? No.
Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not at all, romantic or platonic! My online buds mean just as much, some even more, than my "real life" ones.
Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not on a lot, but for things I'm really hyped for, particularly games and music, yeah. For the second part of the question, yes. I did that for WoW's Warlords of Draenor expansion, and maybe Legion? Idr tho because I was nervous asking my mom. I also think I mighta seen the Warcraft movie the day it came out, but I'm also uncertain.
Have you ever been in trouble for illegally downloading something? No.
Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No.
Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? Early, defs. Whenever I work, I'm certainly aiming for a morning shift. Get it over with, and plus, I'm in a better mood in the mornings, so it'd be easier to get work done; plus, getting out of the house is a good way for me to come home and actually feel like I got my dose of social interaction for the day, so now I can enjoy the rest of the day.
Is there someone who seems to only reach out to you when they want something from you? No; I don't tolerate that shit.
Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yeah. Tragic romantic things get me easily, and seeing someone die and another character lose it over their death kills me. Happy reunions are tear-jerkers, too. I would probably still cry at the end of Homeward Bound.
How did your expectations of the last book you read compare to your thoughts after reading it? What about your expectations of the last movie you watched? The original Alice In Wonderland was a book I was surprised to be that short, and it wasn't really as "out there" as I'd expected. I still enjoyed it, though. Last movie... that was Elf. I didn't anticipate it being as damn cute and funny as it was.
Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? Just to track my period.
Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Sara's.
If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? Perhaps the first Thanksgiving? OH, but I would without a doubt choose the extinction of the dinosaurs if I was somehow entirely protected. That had to be, sad as it is, visually incredible.
Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it? Rollercoasters; I'm terrified of vomiting, however, and also fainting with how I handle dizziness.
What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? Don't expect me to dress up all fancy going to an expensive restaurant or something. I'm going to eat, I'm not worried about my damn clothing. But more than anything, I absolutely refuse to let a job hold me back from getting tatted or pierced. I'm perfectly aware that really slims down my options, but I sincerely couldn't care less. I'm not bending to one of the most ludicrous expectations I know of.
Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you’re drawn to? Yeah! I ADORE gothic especially, and Roman, too.
What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? Lol I should really have an answer for this, considering the breakup... I don't believe I did anything "stalker-ish," maybe not even creepy, just rude and nosy. Sorry for trying (but thankfully failing) to hack your Facebook to see if you were talking to a girl some time early into the breakup, Jason. ;_; Reeeaaally regret that.
What is something you can only understand if you’ve experienced it first hand? Pure heartbreak. It is absolutely, utterly agonizing.
Are you more of an open person or a private person when it comes to talking about personal things? (Relationships, your sex life, finances, etc.) It depends on the subject, but usually, I am very private, particularly irl. I'm more open online by a long shot.
Do you agree or disagree with the saying “If two former lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love, or still are.”? Why or why not? That's bullshit. People change, and you can lose romantic interest.
What’s a part of yourself, physically, that you’re unhappy with? (Hair, face, skin, body part, etc.) Is it something you’re able to change or something you’re stuck with? Uh, pretty much everything because of weight? I can change that and am trying so hard to, but I've been at a stagnant weight for over a damn year, and I can't even begin to wonder how. It dropped like flies in '17.
Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? DOUBLE. FUCKING. STANDARD. Fight the hell back to protect yourself.
In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important… Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. Ceremony, pictures, honeymoon, dress, venue, hair, ring or decorations, food.
Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Asking how they've been.
Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) No. Well, I owe my previous college money, anyway. Even though I shouldn't, so Mom's trying to take legal action with that and their shitty communication.
If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? A sum of money for a big 'ole tattoo, boys.
Is there a quote that’s helped you through hard times or really stuck with you? What is it? "You're perfectly flawed" from an Otep song. I have that tattooed for a reason. Then there's countless ones from my partial hospitalization, but "Deal with life, or life deals with you" particularly will stick out to me probably forever. There's loads more.
What’s something practical and useful “real world” things that should be taught in high school aside from the basics like English, math, science, etc.? CHRIST, why the FUCK do we not have classes teaching us how to handle the adult life with things like finances.
What are some things that a person or couple could do that would show they’re insecure about themselves or their relationship? More than anything probably, go through their phone. ACTUALLY fuck off.
Do you have sympathy for people who die as a result of their own actions? (Example: someone doesn’t wear a helmet when they ride their motorcycle and they get in an accident and die.) Well of course; a human being still died, and maybe it's even sadder when it was in their own hands. It's disappointing, but you should of course feel sympathy.
What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? Old, The Lion King. New, there's SO many to choose from, so I can't give a certain answer, but possibly Coco. I adored that movie.
Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. I don't pay attention to what's trendy, really. Idk. Oh wait, is that "Kiki Do You Love Me?" or whatever that trash is called still around?
There’s a quote that says “Anyone who gave you confidence, you owe them a lot.” Is there a person who YOU can thank for your confidence?
Hm... I'm not sure about this quote. But anyway, I don't even have confidence to begin with.
“Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? Usually like, particularly if we're being extremely passionate. I'm suuuuper shy delivering it, though. Hell, I get flustered hearing it towards me sometimes, too.
What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? American. Favorite... I think cheeseburgers.
Would you be more hurt by your significant other having a long drawn out emotional affair but never having sex with that person OR a long drawn out physical affair where it was just lots of sex and no (or few) emotions attached? The first, my reasoning being for them to be emotionally invested in another person says more about how much they "love" me versus the latter option. I dunno... the second is awful, too. Tough question to answer.
Say one positive thing and one negative thing about your boss (or any other authority figure). I'll pick my mom. Positive: Her support is never-ending. Negative: She's "always right."
How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? I've grown more and more comfortable with it as I've grown bolder with cutting it.
How do you practice truly living in the moment? I'm bad at this...
Do you think most abusers know they’re being abusive? Probably, especially if it's physical.
How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? That'd be pretty suspicious, but then again, I can't really talk? One of my best friends/my ex is still a very good friend of mine, and we talk every now and again with no romantic interest (at least on my end; idk if he still like-likes me). That being said, I don't know how I'd feel, especially if it was daily. I do know I'd be less anxious if our relationship was strong and steady.
What perfume of yours does your SO love on you? She doesn't like perfume, and I almost never wear it anyway.
Have you made any (at least semi-) permanent alterations to your appearance? If so, how did you find the experience and do you regret it? Tattoos, there's a visible hole where my first lip ring was, and the holes in my left earlobe have been seriously stretched (it goes to literally the bottom of my lobe) from heavy earrings for a long time. No clue how the right side is totally fine. Anyway, the only tattoo I regret is my "ohana" one, as it doesn't really suit me; I don't give a damn if you're blood, I choose my "real" family, but even then, people change. I know I'll get it covered at some point; right now I'm considering a bat tat on my chest with its wings expanded at some point, and it may conceal it, but it's not high on my to-do list. I love my "how rare and beautiful it is to exist," although I wish I'd made a more unique design of it instead of stealing it from Pinterest... ha ha. I don't want tattoos others have; I want mine to stand out. I also wish I'd chosen an even more professional artist to do my Markiplier piece, but I plan on going to a better parlor when I can afford it to get my vision "right." It's probably the most important tattoo I'll ever have, so I want it perfect in my eyes. My artist didn't do bad, not at all, it just came out with a less convincing-galaxy background. It'll be an easy fix with the right artist.
Onto the lip ring, I regret deliberately wanting it slightly to the left and not dead-center through my lip. I have no idea why I wanted it there? You can still see the faint hole when I pull my lips back, which I hate. Lastly, I just HATE the appearance of stretched-out earlobes. I don't even wear earrings anymore with how they look like there's about to just fall off.
Women with disabilities/anxiety/depression/other mental health issues/chronic illnesses, how do you get it across to your SO/friends that sometimes you just can’t do something? Why specifically women? But anyway, sometimes it's just impossible. I don't think anyone can really "get it" until you have a breakdown/accident or whatever in front of them.
Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? I like the smell of light cologne.
Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? I suppose it'd be concerning if they just didn't want to, but like if it doesn't fit or anything, of course don't try to wear it.
What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? First, I took a look at my mental health and capabilities and chose I would NOT be a good, healthy mother able to raise them. Also, aforementioned maternal instinct lacking. As well, I don't want to invest years into a person that might just wind up hating me. And super importantly, my alone time is extremely important, and thaaat's pretty impossible with kids. They're expensive. Peace and quiet, bye. Pressure to ensure they grow up to be a good, independent person. Yeah, there's lots of reasons I can confidently say no, I don't want kids.
How do you feel about men who preface statements on non-gendered things with “as a guy”? *shrugs* It depends, I guess.
Does anyone else just HAVE to wear pajamas/lounge clothes when you’re at home? I live in my pjs.
Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? No.
What would your reaction be if your SO wanted the opposite type of wedding than you did? Just compromise. Who says things have to match a theme.
What kind if body type do you find attractive and unattractive (for your preferred sex)? Let's get this straight first: I don't care about appearances. But of course, that doesn't mean I don't have preferences. For girls, I'm really attracted to curvy women at a healthy weight. Men, I like just a tad bit muscular, but noooot very much.
How do you feel about strangers approaching you with compliments? I'm flattered, but I will definitely get anxious, especially if it's a man. I'm more terrified than anxious if they do that.
Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? Hm, not really cheating. I'd be preeeetty unhappy if my s/o did that and kept it a secret, but I'm not quite sure how I'd react to knowing they went to a strip club. I think most likely I'd just feel like I wasn't enough and cry. Maybe I'd be fine with it if they asked me beforehand how I felt and I had their word they wouldn't "do anything." Like it's simple fact that you can be in a relationship and still find others attractive, so I guess if you just wanna go out for once and I feel you're genuine when telling me you'll behave, it's not too big a deal? But I'm still not sure.
Would you be more offended if your man cheated on you with a guy or a girl? I'll just pretend you said "your partner." Both would upset the hell out of me, but I think doing it with the opposite gender would most hurt me, especially because you're taking a risk of someone getting pregnant.
Is there something you are afraid, embarrassed, or ashamed to tell someone? That I love/play World of Warcraft, lmao. Admitting I'm an RPer would be even worse. DON'T ask what my worst weight was. The Joel thing. There's probably loads more.
Are you struggling in any way right now? Oh, of course.
When was the last time you made a REALLY stupid decision? Oh boy. Really bad... HA, actually, probably this one time I drank a milkshake too fast, and my stomach still hasn't forgiven me.
Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Sometimes.
Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No.
What do you currently hear? "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way.
What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool ranch.
Who was the last person to hold your hand? Sara.
Do you have any clothing with animal print on it? No.
Have you ever seen a hippo in person? I don't believe we have any at our zoo, no.
What’s something you do too much? Sit here. In the bed. On my laptop. Fun.
How often do you have nightmares? Rarely.
What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A game on Steam. I can't remember which.
Honestly, are you spoiled? I don't think so, at least not much.
Is there anyone’s laugh that makes you laugh when you hear it? Mark's.
Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to? I will lose all respect for you if you pull that shit.
Do you have a tan yet? It's winter, and I don't tan anyway.
Have you ever been told you have a bad attitude? I think my grandmother did once on the same occasion she called me a bitch.
Do you make other people laugh often? I don't think so, no.
What are some things you want out of life? Satisfaction with all I've done and experienced, more than anything.
Do you feel bored with your life? Boy, do I.
Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan.
Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No.
What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? No. No. No. Nope. Not answering. Stay the actual fuck away from Abilify.
How do you get through hard times? Talking with/venting to Sara and/or Mom, watch my favorite YouTubers, listen to (usually relatable) music, and just remind myself if I survived '16, I can persist through just about anything. Rarely, I draw some vent art.
Have you ever been suicidal? Yes.
Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. I don't believe it has any power, even with me believing in some kind of ultimate creator.
What do you miss about high school? Friends.
What do you miss the most about college? I was in a very bad mental state through both attempts, so I miss nothing.
Did you like high school? I've hated school since I was in pre-k, dude.
Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't think so?
Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? or is it better, or just what you expected? Worse. I mean it's not awful, but I expected muuuuch more by this point...
What was the last good book you read about? Arthas' rise to the Lich King, and it hurt me okay I still wanna press charges against Christie Golden.
What’s the last great song you discovered? "Natural Born Sinner" by In This Moment.
Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Nope. I pretty much never post about myself because I'm too afraid of saying something stupid "in front of" all the people I call friends. AvPD is a blessing.
What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains.
Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was everything to me. I also loved Jesse McCartney and the Backstreet Boys. Oh, Jeff Corwin, too.
What do you miss the most about your past? No mental illnesses. .-.
Do you like getting older? At my current age, I don't really care...
What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? The biggest thing currently is practically being chained to my house. I'm home alone almost everyday and usually all day, so day after day I'm just. Sitting here in this house by myself. Even as an introvert, it's gotten to a serious severity of loneliness and maddening boredom. I'm just gonna stop here before answering this any further ruins my day.
Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? Generally, more towards the fast side.
Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? Yeah, just teeny-tiny baby steps, sadly.
What color is your trash can? Like, the big one you put on the side of the road for the dumpster? Dark green.
What color is your dresser? Brown.
Do you own a computer? If yes, is it a desktop or laptop? Yeah; laptop.
How old were you when you first got a cell phone? I dunno, maybe the start of middle school?
Do you like pineapple on pizza? You are a certified psychopath if you think that tastes good. No.
What medication or drug has given you the worst withdrawals? I'm not sure. I've been on waaaaaaay too goddamn many to remember.
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Get to know me tag(s)!
Tagged by: @hyunjinh @felox-the-great @jaeffreyy @squishywoojin @welcometochanskitchen @dabkingfelix @mosquitofelix
Hi! I’m Summer btw (Ik it’s not in my bio), but I just go by Sum or other nicknames lol *I also just put multiple “get to know me” tags in 1 lol THIS IS A SUPER LONG POST IM SORRY However thank you for tagging me!! I Love you all soOoOo much!
Bold Thingy Tag
1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better
I think everyone done this already fkjdjgb
2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.
APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo -I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair (idk it’s growing) - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces
PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality
ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch
HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month (Lucy wanted to be drawn for her bday and I did a watercolor portrait thing ig? for her) - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority- I do some form of Martial arts
EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol- I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event- I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts
MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling (I have like 5)- I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone
RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity (?) - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship (not a healthy one at least)- I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily (It’s disgusting, wtf is wrong with me. I don’t need feels) - I have had a crush for over a year (Umm kinda he’s just really really cute. I talked to Dain about this before) - I have been in a relationship for over a year (but not currently) - I have had feelings for a friend
RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year
Alphabet Soup Tag
A: Age - “I’m 19, you fight me?”
B: Birthplace - Cali
C: Current time - As I’m during this 1:26pm
D: Drink you had last - Water, but also Thai Tea Boba
E: Easiest person to talk to -
F: Favorite song - None
G: Grossest memory - My cousin’s and I were doing a auntie and niece day and went theMall and I saw this girl throw up on the second floor in Forever 21. I felt sorry for the workers...
H: Hogwarts house - G
I: in love? - nah, never gonna happen
J: Jealous of people? - It’s only a human aspect, you’re only truly horrible if you do something nasty to others because of that feeling
K: Killed someone? - Not yet lmfao
L: Love at first sight or should I walk by again? - No thank you
M: Middle name - Summer
N: Number of siblings - 5
O: One wish - None
P: Person you called last - My mom
Q: Question you are always asked - Idk tbvh
R: Reason to smile - Idk things make me happy
S: Song you sang last - The Unit No way (I dont remember the unit colors)
T: Time you woke up - 6:43am
U: Underwear color - White
V: Vacation destination - South Korea, Japan, & idk the other one, but honestly my goal is to visit all my mutuals before I died lmfaooo
W: Worst habit - Not caring, sleeping in, getting distracted easily, being anixious all the time.
X: X-rays - Teeth
Y: Your favorite food - I have a lot...
Z: Zodiac sign - Gemini
🥛 Colour(s) I’m currently wearing: Black... Just a lot of black (I need to stop wearing sm black omg)
🍥 Last band t-shirt I bought: I don’t ever buy clothes for myself, idk when was last time? Maybe during the Got7 concert?
🥛 Last band I saw live: Got7 (Fly In LA: Day 1) and Paradise (A Hmong Band)
🍥 Last song I listened to: Rn I’m listening to The Unit’s Cherry on Top
🥛 Lipstick or chapstick: Idk... I wear lip tints.
🍥 Last movie I watched: Ever Wonder? (idk it’s a true story about the creation of wonder women)
🥛 Last 3 TV shows I watched: Wanna One Go, Wanna One x Aimgo TV, and The Unit
🍥 Last 3 characters I identified with: Kora, Steven Universe, & Ken Kaneki (idk for this part, I never thought about this fkdfdkgd)
🥛 Book I’m currently reading: Books for my classes njfdkjd
What’s my name? (Imma just put my initials)
M. S. L.
What’s my nickname?
Sum, SumSum, SumShine, Summahh Girl, Tsumdere, Chee,
How old am I?
“I’m 19, you fight me?”
What got me into Kpop?
SJ- Sorry Sorry, but Got7 made me offically stay and learning everything about the kpop fandom
What’s my favourite Kpop group?
Rn W1 (the most)
Who’s my ultimate bias?
Park Jihoon
What groups/artists do I stan?
Too many to count, you all can ask my personally if you want lol
What groups/artists do I casually listen to?
A lot, I try to be diverse, but what’s good music is good music to me. Feel free to suggest me some :D
What artists do I listen to that aren’t Kpop?
Ahh I’m lazy, but just good sounding music. Calvin Harris just popped up in my head. fknfkjskfnj
Who’s my bias and bias wrecker from my ultimate group(s)?
Omfg
Wanna One: Park Jihoon & Kang Daniel
JBJ: Kim Donghan & ??? (They’re all messing me up rn)
SK: Felix & I think Hyunjin? Idk
What’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum?
It’s recently been Chungha’s roller coaster lol and The Unit songs
What are your favourite flower/tree/plant (all 3 or whatever you have an answer to)?
I really love plants and flowers in general, however Peonies are one of my many faves!!
Favourite colour(s)?
Pink, blue, purple, black, white, and gray
What do you always doodle (if you ever do)?
Umm yeah I always doodling, but I try not to because I want to be able to focus in class haha.
How do you take your coffee/tea? If you don’t like those what’s your fav warm drink?
It probably like 20% coffee and 80% french vanilla cream nfksjfgsbjg sometimes I add a lil milk too
Favourite candle scent?
Anything flowery, but i really like sweet pea smell lol. I don’t any candles yet, so I don’t quite know which I like more yet. Soorrryy
Sunrise or Sunset?
Sunset! The colors are soo pretty and like it doesn’t require me to wake up from my sleep lmfao. The transitions of day and night it just so beautiful! and the stars that start peeking through the dark sky!
What perfume do you wear if any?
I don’t wear perfume? I have them at home but in my opinion I feel like if you’ve showered and smell nice why try to mix more scents onto you?? and I don’t really need it? DONT WORRY I AM CLEAN NFJSNJF idk if I make any sense
What’s your go to dance move when you’re alone?
-
Favourite quote?
“The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.”
― Carl Sandburg
&
“We ran as if to meet the moon.”
― Robert Frost
& also
“The moon and stars just for you my love” - Me lol
Favourite self care thing(s) or routine(s)?
Umm... Drawing. Showering and putting a face mask afterwards. Painting my nails. It’s more like small things, especially like painting my nails and drawings are things I can’t do often because I try to focus on school, because ik I’m bad at focusing. Sleeping and reminding to just eat, when I get too busy and focused I tend to skip meals. njfkdsnfj s
Fuzzy socks or House slippers?
OMFG BOTH THAT’S LIKE THE BEST COMBO! I have these pinky and purple house slippers I got aND IT’S FUZZY KSFJ SK IT’S SOOO CUTE OMG!! I love. nfjdnfd
What colour are your eyes?
Dark Brown
What’s your favourite eye colour on others?
Hazel, black, and gray
Favourite season? why?
Autumn and Winter (Ik contradicts with my name) but I love the rain! and cloudy weather! The sound of rain is calming and being inside while hearing the rain is nice. I really love Spring too when the flowers begin to bloom and like it’s a fresh type of feeling when spring hits lol.
Cheek, neck or nose kisses?
SJFNKFS Honestly depends on my mood (´•/// ω \\\•`) but I like cheek kisses because softtt
What does your happy place look like?
My room on a rainy day with my fairy lights flickering
Favourite breed of dog?
YO OKAY SO I SAW THIS FB POST ABOUT THIS DOG BEAR AND I WANT A DOG BEAR IDK WHAT THEY’RE CALLED JKFDFHKSF. My dad is a dog breeder as a side business, so I grew up with pitbulls, pocket pits, american bull dogs, frenches, and now ‘exotics’ are the trend atm.
Do you ever want to be married? If so what colours would you pick for your wedding theme?
Umm yes and no? I’m not sure. If I have an American wedding I like to stick to a traditional white with maybe a peach and light pink here and there, but for sure I would love to do a traditional Hmong wedding.
Silk or Lace?
Silk feels nice, but I like lace too :)
Favorite weather?
SF type of weather
#tag game // done#get to know me tag#omfg i have sm tags to do jfdkgf dkg#this has been long over due#nbfjdkbgfjd#sorry
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GET TO KNOW ME TAG
I was tagged by @tigerbaby and @creepersdongsaeng ♥ Thank you so much~ ♥ ♥ ♥
1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.
2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.
APPEARANCE:
I am 5'7" or taller.
I wear glasses. (I wear them since I was blinded by Kim Himchan’s eternal beauty.)
I have at least one tattoo.
I have at least one piercing. (I have two piercings in each ear and I've been thinking about getting more because have you seen Jongup’s earrings?!)
I have blonde hair.
I have brown eyes.
I have short hair. (*sighs* And that’s why people often mistake me for a boy.)
My abs are at least somewhat defined.
I have or have had braces.
PERSONALITY:
I love meeting new people.
People tell me that I’m funny. (I think they just confuse the word ‘funny’ with the word ‘stupid’.)
Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me. (Let me know if you need any help. As Youngjae sang in Honeymoon, I will do my best to help you.)
I enjoy physical challenges.
I enjoy mental challenges.
I’m playfully rude with people I know well. (I learned that from B.A.P.)
I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it.
There is something I would change about my personality. (Actually, I just want to sell my brain and buy a new one.)
ABILITY:
I can sing well. (I can only sing B.A.P’s songs. Otherwise, I sing completely out of tune.)
I can play an instrument.
I can do over 30 pushups without stopping.
I’m a fast runner. (You should’ve seen me running toward the stage at B.A.P’s concert.)
I can draw well. (At least that's what everyone tells me. Liars. Liars everywhere.)
I have a good memory.
I’m good at doing math in my head.
I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute.
I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling.
I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch.
I know how to throw a proper punch.
HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports.
I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else.
I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else.
I have learned a new song in the past week. (YAMAZAKI. YAMAZAKI. YAMAZAKI. YONGGUK-GUK-GUK~)
I work out at least once a week.
I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months.
I have drawn something in the past month. (I drew Daehyun a few days ago and… The only thing that came out well was his mole.)
Fandoms are my #1 passion. (Well, not exactly, but… I love BABYz so much ♥)
I do or have done martial arts. (I used to do karate when I was younger. I don’t know how I survived, I’m clumsy as fuck.)
EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss.
I have had alcohol. (But I don’t like to drink. Unlike Himchan.)
I have scored the winning goal in a sports game.
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting.
I have been at an overnight event.
I have been in a taxi. (Yes, and the taxi driver asked me: ‘Where do you want to go, boy?’ …I have no words.)
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year.
I have beaten a video game in one day.
I have visited another country. (I’ve visited South Korea. I mean, I’ve visited lots of countries, but… I’VE VISITED SOUTH KOREA.)
I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts. (I’ve been to B.A.P’s concert. Two times. Two fucking times.)
RELATIONSHIPS:
I’m in a relationship.
I have a crush on a celebrity. (I have a crush on Youngjae. And Himchan. And Daehyun. And Jongup. And Yongguk. And Junhong. And… No, that’s all.)
I have a crush on someone I know.
I have been in at least 3 relationships.
I have never been in a relationship. (Because B.A.P’s members are too far away from me. Why am I like this. I should at least pretend I’m normal.)
I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them.
I get crushes easily.
I have had a crush on someone for over a year. (I have a crush on B.A.P for five years now.)
I have been in a relationship for at least a year.
I have had feelings for a friend.
MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”.
I live close to my school.
My parents are still together. (I feel really sorry for them. They must be having a hard time dealing with me and my unhealthy obsession with a six-member group whose name starts with B and ends with P. Oh, and there’s an A in the middle.)
I have at least one sibling. (I have two annoying little brothers who can’t appreciate the art that is B.A.P. But I love them anyway.)
I live in the United States.
There is snow right now where I live.
I have hung out with a friend in the past month. (I wanted to bless her eyes with EGO teasers.)
I have a smartphone. (Which is full of BEST ABSOLUTE PERFECT photos.)
I have at least 15 CDs. (And they’re all… B.A.P’s albums. I know, I know, that was completely unexpected. Even I was surprised.)
I share my room with someone.
RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced.
I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce.
I have dyed my hair.
I’m listening to one song on repeat right now. (HOOOWLEEER~)
I have punched someone in the past week.
I know someone who has gone to jail.
I have broken a bone.
I have eaten a waffle today. (Junhong would be proud of me.)
I know what I want to do with my life. (I want to wrap B.A.P up in blankets, give them hot chocolate and protect them from the world.)
I speak at least 2 languages. (I speak Polish and… Polish. No, but seriously. I speak a little English and a little Korean but I’m fluent in language-of-endless-love-for-B.A.P.)
I have made a new friend in the past year. (Making friends with me is pretty easy. All you have to do is appreciating B.A.P.)
No, I haven't visited a doctor yet. Yes, I’m planning to.
Tagging: @aegyo-chan ♥ @anna-something ♥ @bestabsolutesuperjunior ♥ @sugaster ♥ @jion-a ♥ @kitty-dae ♥ @roses-for-jongup ♥ @thediebutterfly ♥ @happy-daes ♥ @brainboxercheetos ♥
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Was tagged by @alkalinerock for a 50 questions thing. These take long as fuck on mobile so I likely went to bed after making this
1. What takes up too much of your time? Not doing health things or active hobbies like learning to draw or music
2. What makes your day better? Any of the above things getting done.
3. What is the best thing that happened to you today? Just hung out with a couple buds, watched anime and some DC movies
4. What fictional place would you like to go? Gonna be real, most fictional places don’t seem too fun when you think about them for more than a minute. Although I guess a village in like stardew valley or animal crossing would be chill even though I’m not huge into those games.
5. Are you good at giving advice? I want to think I am for how much I talk but I have never seen my advice followed or have someone say it worked. I would honestly prefer no one followed my advice.
6. Do you have a mental illness? Don’t know if adhd counts but I got it. I have been off meds for it for years now and can function good in school and work it’s just getting a handle on focusing my free time that is my latest challenge. I really want to get in better shape and manage proper hobbies but it so much easier to get caught in idle watching or scrolling.
7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Yes! No demons though
8. What musician inspires you the most? He’s not one of my favorites but I think Childish Gambino. I remember watching his sketches when I was in middle school and he was just on YouTube and then seeing him grow through every medium that I loved into a fully realized artist and actor.
9. Have you ever fallen in love? Negative
10. What’s your dream date? Something that’s just fun for me and the specific person I’m with. Like some people have museum energy, late talk energy, night on the town energy etc. depends
11. What do others notice about you? It may seem weird but a compliment I’ve gotten often is that I smell nice which is reassuring and worrying cause my smell is the thing I’m the most self conscious about. My sense of smell is abysmal, I’ve been in sports and band for most of my life, and I work in a meat room so I have a lot of chances to smell rank as hell.
12. What’s an annoying habit you have? When we kept bottled water around I chewed the plastic caps. I’ve always chewed ice but at least that melts.
13. Do you still talk to your first love? Where she at?
14. How many exes do you have? 0
15. How many songs are in your playlist? I don’t really have a single playlist. Just a bunch of albums but Spotify says like 2000 + songs which I’m sure isn’t accurate cause I remove stuff
16. What instruments can you play? Just trumpet and I don’t feel like I’ve applied myself enough in the time I’ve had it.
17. What do you have the most pictures of? My pets I think
18. Where would you like to go before you die? I don’t really know
19. What’s your zodiac? Virgo
20. Do you relate to it? I don’t think anyone can. They’re so broad in their definition and scope that I’ve read so many things about them that I say “yeah that’s me” until I realize “literally everyone would want to say this about themselves”. We are the most biased in our own favor when we least expect and the scary part is when we are trying to be unbiased we are cruel to ourselves.
21. What is happiness to you? A web of support
22. Are you going through anything right now? Just trying to graduate and general 20 something anxieties
23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? The problem here is I am pretty far beyond a lot of my decisions that I would call bad that changing them now would alter a lot of good things about myself and my life. Regret is not a feeling that stays with me for long unless I hurt someone.
24. What’s your favorite store? Movie and record stores
25. What’s your opinion on abortion? Choice
26. Do you keep a bucket list? Not really
27. Do you have a favorite album? Madvillainy
28. What do you want for your birthday? My friends to come to the cookout I’m having and me being willing to cook for it
29. What are people’s first impressions of you? I don’t have a way of knowing this. Most people’s only first impressions of anyone are “this is just a person” or “I don’t like them”
30. What age do you seem according to most? Older than I am by like 2 years but I still get carded???
31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? Floor
32. What word do you say the most? Not a clue
33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 30. I’ll say older ages but I don’t think anything meaningful would come from a gap that big
34. What’s the youngest you would date? My age or older.
35. What job or career would you say suits you the most? A thing that bothers me the most is that I’ve done a good job at most jobs I’ve had and would honestly just want something that’ll keep me busy during the day and focus me while also allowing me to live comfortably.
36. What’s your favorite music genre? I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface of so many of them
37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? Idk. Whole worlds kind of nutty and not knowing a native language scares me (fuck right off England I’m not going). I think I’m fine here.
38. What is your current favorite song? Jesus forgive me, I am a Thot by JPEGMAFIA
39. How long have you had this blog? Like 6 years
40. What are you excited for? To make progress toward getting career ready and really starting my adult life. Wanna try new stuff
41. Are you a better talker or listener? I try to listen but I always worry I’m stepping on peoples talking points or circling the convo back to me so I’ll say I’m a better talker.
42. What was the last productive thing you did? Put gas in my car
43. What do you want for Christmas? My bills paid and maybe a record or a nice hoodie
44. What class do you get the best grades in? After middle school I kind of just slipped into maintaining a steady pace of average in every subject.
45. On a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling rn? 8
46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Maybe living in a new city. Definitely doing something in my field. Maybe I would’ve gotten bold enough to try and really break into entertainment.
47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Have not experienced that yet
48. What age do you want to get married? No clue. I really don’t like formalities and I would hope whoever I end up with feels the same.
49. What career did you want to have as a child? Marine biologist
50. What do you crave right now? Just organic conversation with friends. I’m going back to school soon and some are already moving away for grad school and life.
This was fun. Don’t wanna tag anyone cause this a long but you can say I tagged you and maybe I’ll read yours!
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awkwardarin replied to your post “awkwardarin replied to your post “4, 7, 10 you bet your ass I’m...”
*chanting* DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT
You ask, I deliver. Here we gooooo~ (Also I’m going to shame you all I want SO)
As per request, I’ll answer all the asks (that I haven’t already) from the fanfic questions post, but it’s under a read more so I don’t literally kill everyone’s dashes. I’m so sorry in advance
1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?
I mean, before I even knew what “fandom” meant, I was writing Twilight fanfiction, so I guess that counts. The first one I actively participated in was the Grump one haha
2. What is your latest fandom?
Ouran High School Host Club, but again, if you want active participation, then I guess uhhh Night in the Woods?
3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?
Definitely the Grump fandom!! I’ve met all the best people and 99% of my friends through this blog right here!
4. Answered
5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?
Uhh Twilight, Big Time Rush, Total Drama, Game Grumps, technically AntiPoppy but it’s not even close to done and not published
6. Answered
7. Answered
8. Answered
9. What are the best things about your current fandom?
I mean, for this fandom, like I said, it’s got all my friends in it. Everyone’s super supportive and there’s tons of opportunities to get involved and create stuff and support other creators! It’s probably one of the nicest communities I’ve been a part of.
10. Answered
11. Who is your current OTP?
Currently I’m still heavily thinking about Hikaru and Haruhi from Ouran Host Club so that I guess haha
12. Who is your current OT3?
The all time babes are Rubbercommanderbang. Also Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy is a ship that @cantolopejeevas made me think about and I love
13. Any NoTPs?
Refer to this massive post
14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?
Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran, The entirety of the Teen Titans, the monks in Xiaolin Showdown, etc
15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?
A n t i P o p p y
16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?
I’m more or less indifferent toward Egobang if we’re gonna be real here. I just don’t feel like there’s anything I can add to it at this point.
17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?
I mean, before I knew what that meant, probably RaiKim from Xiaolin Showdown. And they’re still great, but now I’m a little gayer.
18. What ship have you written the most about?
Ironically? Probably Egobang. I wasn’t so cynical about it when I first started haha
19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?
Refer to number 16
20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?
Hmm probably like Septibang? Or CommanderSeptiBang?? Those were two ships I just kinda stumbled upon and was like? Okay I guess we’re doing this now??
Also Mae and Selmers from Night in the Woods. Surprisingly wholesome.
21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?
I think I mentioned this before, but it was self-insert Twilight fanfic. Honestly I wish I was just as shameless as I was in middle school. Writing Mary Sue self-insert fic where you ship yourself with a main character is fun and satisfying as hell.
22. Is there anything you regret writing?
Aforementioned Twilight fanfiction. Though part of me doesn’t because it was my origin story and also, like I said, shameless and for fun.
23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.
Ahh probably either “You Monster,” which is like my best stuff that I’ve put up so far??? or the massive Big Time Rush fanfic I talk so much about just for the sheer size of it :P
24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?
You Monster!!!! I’m gonna write a redux soon I promise.
25. What’s your most popular fanfic?
???? According to Archive, it’s You Monster! How nice~
26. Answered
27. Answered
28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?
Literally anything??? I love all fanart of anything I make??? But I guess You Monster haha
29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?
Hahaha no I don’t write enough to warrant having one. And also I literally almost never edit anything I write rip
30. Answered
31. Answered
32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?
Depends!! Sometimes music really confuses my brain and makes me unable to think of words, especially if it’s really word-heavy music (which is most of what I listen to). If I’m really struggling, it usually helps to do it in silence so I can focus. But otherwise, I used to make little playlists of instrumental music to listen to, or play premade playlists of like study music or something.
33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?
I really like writing huuuuge epics/multi-chapters but I’m really bad at finishing things ;--; so most of what gets published are requested one-shots/ficlets (one of which was requested the other day and I’M STILL T R Y I N G I SWEAR)
34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?
Oh buddy. It’s over 100K.
35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?
Uh I guess? But I’m not particularly stuck to the “required word count” for the different vocab. I usually only write really short things when people request stuff haha. But it’s kinda fun~
36. What’s your favourite genre to write?
Probably just straight angst. Angst that develops character, specifically, but angst nonetheless.
37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?
Third person. I used to write in first person and for some reason it always seems less?? effective/neat to me? Plus I write very colloquially and I find it easier to do when I can write in third person.
38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?
Usually canon characters, but if it’s something like Total Drama that depends on constantly changing casts of characters, I’ve definitely made some of my own characters.
39. What is you greatest strength as a writer?
Uhhh???? Uhhhh????? Does not compute????
40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?
Effectively capturing characters, at least that fit my own standards. And then also the anxiety that comes along with thinking its good enough to waste people’s time with. :’)
41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:
I’m not...currently reading any...but I will link to five of my favs.
1. Before and After (Shaddic) --Total Drama (also tw for a lot of HEAVY mental illness/abuse/violence)
2. Wu Xing Shield (DragonNutt) -- Xiaolin Showdown (tw: death)
3. If Lost, Return to Phil (thatsmistertoyou) - Dan and Phil (I don’t remember, I just remember it being really fucking sad)
4. Two Roads Meet (pianodan) - Dan and Phil (tw: suicide)
5. The Vibe and The Vibe 2: 2Fuck2Vibrator (by our very own @cantolopejeevas) (tw: gratuitous smut ;) )
42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:
1. @cantolopejeevas / @grumpygamersandvibrantcolors for obvious reasons. they’re just!!! so good!!! at all the types of writing. (hey go commission them) The Ultimate Senpai
2. @i-am-avacado oh boy they angst well! current holder of the angst crown (for nooooow~) honestly writing senpai
3. @devilgate-drive provides the Good Quality Rubbercommanderbang Content and also just generally talented
4. @sweetiefiend writes the cute shit!!! like damn!!!!
5. @autumn-feels so??? talented for her age??? and so deep wtf
43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?
I mean, all of my friends for one. And my lovely darling @cantolopejeevas who continues to push me forward and compliments my work all the time. But yeah, all my friends make me wanna get better because they’re all so good and I wanna do that tooooo!!
44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?
AntiPoppy. Please.
45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?
Fuckin’!!!! Wu Xing Shield, listed above!!! It’s the first fanfic I cried reading!!! And it’s so beautifully written!!! If you like Xiaolin Showdown, I recommend it. Plus, it also took stuff from Xiaolin Chronicles and made it bearable. Bless.
46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?
Ahhh You Monster. It’s probably my best one. Even though it needs heavy editing haha.
47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?
I mean....Fanfiction.net is where it all began, but I never posted anything on it. I think AO3 is the best for posting fics and keeping track of them. But more people usually see it if I post it on my tumblr. So a mixture of those two?
48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?
For the longest time I didn’t because I had major anxiety!!! I was too nervous to leave a comment, no matter what. Plus, I didn’t really make accounts on either ffn or ao3 so I couldn’t have if I wanted to. But now I like leaving tags and stuff on people’s works on tumblr and (if I read more fic) I would leave comments, just because I want people to know they’re doing good work!!
49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?
Yeah, I mean, of course! I love seeing comments on all my work, art, writing, or otherwise! It’s just nice to know that someone liked something I made, especially if it’s something I’m self-conscious about like I am with writing. And reblogs help spread it around so it can get more attention, so that’s always helpful!
50. Answered
51. Answered
I HOPE EVERYONE IS HAPPY ESPECIALLY YOU @awkwardarin
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tagged by: @highcstofkings
1ST RULE: tag 9 muns you would like to know better: shit i’ve been hella absent and don’t know who’s been tagged but i wanna know everyone better sO DO IT
2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true
APPEARANCE:
I am 5'7" or taller
I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
I have at least one piercing
I have blonde hair
I have brown eyes
I have short hair
My abs are at least somewhat defined
I have or have had braces
PERSONALITY:
I love meeting new people ( on here, yes, in the world...sometimes )
People tell me that I’m funny
Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
I enjoy physical challenges
I enjoy mental challenges
I’m playfully rude with people I know well ( only if i know they’re comfortable with it )
I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it
There is something I would change about my personality
ABILITY:
I can sing well
I can play an instrument
I can do over 30 pushups without stopping
I’m a fast runner
I can draw well
I have a good memory
I’m good at doing math in my head
I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute
I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
I know how to throw a proper punch
HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports
I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else ( in middle and high school which was........a while ago )
I have learned a new song in the past week
I work out at least once a week
I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
I have drawn something in the past month ( do doodles count? )
I enjoy writing
FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION
I do or have done martial arts
EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss
I have had alcohol
I have scored the winning goal in a sports game
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
I have been at an overnight event
I have been in a taxi
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year
I have beaten a video game in one day
I have visited another country
I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts
RELATIONSHIPS:
I’m in a relationship
I have a crush on a celebrity
I have a crush on someone I know
I have been in at least 3 relationships
I have never been in a relationship ( honestly i wish, they’ve all been shit )
I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them
I get crushes easily
I have had a crush on someone for over a year
I have been in a relationship for at least a year
I have had feelings for a friend
MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”
I live close to my school
My parents are still together ( my mom passed away, but until then they were happily married )
I have at least one sibling
I live in the United States
There is snow right now where I live
I have hung out with a friend in the past month
I have a smartphone
I have at least 15 CDs
I share my room with someone
RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced
I know a person named Jamie
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
I have dyed my hair
I’m listening to one song on repeat right now
I have punched someone in the past week
I know someone who has gone to jail
I have broken a bone
I have eaten a waffle today
I know what I want to do with my life
I speak at least 2 languages
I have made a new friend in the past year
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ELECTRIC BLUE
All photographs by the author.
Kim Wood on David Bowie
1.
There are roughly ten blocks between the theater where David Bowie watched rehearsals for Lazarus, and the studio where he recorded Blackstar. In his last years, we both lived between them, on opposite sides of Houston Street.
My side is the Bowery, known in real estate speak as NoHo (North of Houston). On the street where I live—a two-block stretch of 3rd Street known as Great Jones—is a chandeliered butcher shop occupying the spot where Basquiat worked, and died, of a heroin overdose. Twenty years before his time, Charlie Mingus’ heroin-addicted presence on this corridor is said to have birthed the term jonesing.
I’ve passed a decade in Brooklyn, but never before now lived in Manhattan and love being a downtown kid, stepping through the door and onto crowded streets, passing CBGBs—now a skinny pants boutique I’ve never entered—on my way to buy groceries, or borrowing books from a library branch housed in the one-time factory of Hawley & Hoops’ Chocolate Candy Cigars—that Bowie lived above, in a modern penthouse perched atop the turn of the century brick building.
For twenty-four months, barring the occasional trip to Central Park, I’ve lived below 14th Street and in this time Bowie loitered here too, sipping La Colombe’s double macchiato, fetching chicken and watercress sandwiches at Olive’s, or dinner supplies at Dean & DeLuca. One day I’d catch him on the street, I figured, hailing a cab or taking out the recycling in his flat cap and sunglasses, and when I did my well-worn New Yorker discretion would be jettisoned as I tried, and likely failed, not to cry.
I didn’t, of course, know that for most of the time we were neighbors David Bowie was dying. Today I walk the familiar stretch of blocks to his building, eyes tearing, I tell myself, from the frigid, bone-dry air. At the front entrance, a group of fans stand gutted, surrounded by news trucks, generators, vulturing reporters.
A growing pile of daisies, tulips, roses, daffodils leans against the wall, along with a few photographs, a pair of silver glitter heels, a Jesus candle with Ziggy Stardust face. Tucked here and there are handwritten notes: Look out your window, I can see his light and We are all stardust and Hot tramp, we love you so.
Everyone here, news crew aside, feels known somehow, the mood is gentle, polite, quiet. Too quiet, I realize, when someone plays “Life On Mars?” from a tinny smartphone speaker. As the closing strings swell, a woman turns to me to say through tears, “I love this song!” All I can do is nod, “I know!” and take comfort among fellow kooks.
A pair behind me wonders aloud about a “world without Bowie,” and while I know what they mean—the way some people feel like a force and invincible—you could argue we’ve been living in such a world for a long while. David Jones-ing.
2.
Three days earlier, on the night of Bowie’s 69th birthday, I danced in my kitchen to the foppish, falsetto, “‘Tis a Pity She Was a Whore,” delighting in his rude lyrics and wild whooping. Later at a dinner hosted for the birthday of a friend, I commented on Bowie’s continuing fixation upon mortality, but also his energy, sly humor, return to form, exclaiming, not tentatively, “Bowie’s back!”
I was thrilled he’d finally slipped the ghost of what he called, “my Phil Collins years.” In one of the endless interviews now flooding my screen in text and video, he explains, “I was performing in front of these huge stadium crowds and at that time I was thinking ‘what are these people doing here? Why did they come to see me? They should be seeing Phil Collins.’ And then that came back at me and I thought, ‘What am I doing here?’ It’s a certain kind of mainstream that I’m just not comfortable in.”
Like the divisiveness of fat and skinny Elvis, there were those of us who fancied ourselves glittering, androgynous, apocalyptic half-beast hustlers who bought drugs, watched bands and jumped in the river holding hands, and there were others, contentedly jazzin’ for Blue Jean.
When, in your Golden Years, your mentor of not only music but all things relevant—art, clothes, books, films—enters his Phil Collins Years, suddenly high-kicking in Reeboks and staring in Pepsi commercials, how not to feel betrayed?
I took it personally, coining the unforgiving term David Bowie Syndrome. As a burgeoning artist, I feared (a scaled-back version of) his creative arc with my whole heart—reaching the greatness of Bowie’s 1970s only to follow it up with Let’s Dance. To say nothing of Tin Machine. Like many old-school fans, I’d stopped tuning in to modern Bowie to keep my vintage Bowie flame flickering.
In my most youthfully caustic moment, I joked that Bowie’s personal Oblique Strategies deck—that famous stack of cards, creative prompts such as Ask your body, Abandon normal instruments, and Courage! allegedly used when Bowie and Brian Eno recorded Low and Heroes—should be made up of cards that all read, simply: Call Eno.
Unfair, untrue. Kindly allow this counterpoint mea culpa admission: I secretly love the ham-fisted, cringtastic video for Dancing in the Street.
3.
On the third day after Bowie’s death I step outside, wondering if I’ll still hear his presence hum. Just feet from my front door I’m greeted by his face gracing one of two large posters advertising Blackstar. Well hey there, Mr. Jones.
They’re wet with wheat paste and like a teenage fangirl I consider stealing one, but then notice a smaller poster hung next to them, featuring the Sesame Street characters peering out joyously, encouraging me to attend an event entitled… Let’s Dance!
I accept Bowie’s cosmic joke, had it coming I suppose, and briskly hoof it to Union Square where at the farmer’s market I find apples, apple cider, cider doughnuts and not much else. My gloveless fingertips smart as I pocket change and consider the possibility that the visitation was an invitation to dance through the sorrow. A bit maudlin perhaps, but then, so was Bowie.
When I return home the Blackstar posters are gone. In under an hour someone has pasted them over with clothing and gym ads—leaving all the posters on either side for the length of the street untouched. Like Steppenwolf's Magic Theater, the message—whatever it was—had appeared and just as quickly vanished.
My feet walk me to Bowie’s memorial, which has exploded in a heap of bouquets, black bobbing Prettiest Star balloons, cha-cha lines of platform heels, disco balls, eye shadow, quarts of milk, British flags, drawings and paintings of Bowie’s many incarnations, fuzzy spiders, bluebirds, boas, vinyl copies of David Live annotated Forever in thick silver marker.
A giant orange tissue paper flower hangs from a nearby tree, electric blue eye at its center, petals edged in lyrics: Give me your hands, because you’re wonderful! Let the children lose it, let the children use it, let all the children boogie.
Here and there are tucked personal notes: You taught me that weird = beautiful, and: When I was a teenager I wished I could check off “David Bowie” for both my gender and my race. I still do.
“Taking away all the theatrics…” Bowie said, “I’m a writer. The subject matter…boils down to a few songs, based around loneliness, isolation, spiritual search, and a looking for a way into communication with other people. And that’s about it—about all I’ve ever written about for forty years.”
Perhaps, then, my “Let’s Dance” visitation was an anti-message, a warning against wasting creative juju by pandering for cash. Of course, Bowie made not a dime (relatively, and thanks in large part to shifty management) from his artistic era I find most inspiring. The seed of the fortune that brought him financial security was that very song. So what then?
When I return home, Bowie’s spot on the wall has been papered over yet again, all white this time, as though to say, as he has when pressed to interpret his lyric’s meaning, “nothing further,” “you figure it out,” “space to let.”
4.
I rise before the sun, pull on bright turquoise tights and red clogs and walk the cobblestone of Lafayette Street in the dark. Collar up, breath ghosting, I feel as I secretly do in all such moments, like the cover of Low, or The Middle-Aged Lady Who Fell to Earth. Car headlights slide over me as I approach the memorial that is, it appears, being dismantled.
I quickly make the photograph I awoke imagining: my platforms meeting Bowie’s shore of flickering candles, cigarette butts, stray boa feathers, sea of glitter. Beside me a sweet lone man sorts out the dead flowers, shuffling handmade things to one side, candles to another, not tossing it all as I first suspected, but tidying up, preparing for another day.
What drew me into this frigid darkness, half dressed in pajamas? Perhaps a need to meet Bowie toe to toe, promise to honor the contract, all in, heart wide, funk to funky.
Put on my red shoes and dance the blues.
“I don’t think (the act of creation is) something that I enjoy a hundred percent. There are occasions when I really don’t want to write. It just seems that I have a physical need to do it...I really am writing for myself.”
Before Blackstar, the last time I know of Bowie creating under extreme duress is when making the album Station to Station—which coincidentally also opens with an epically long titular song wherein a man yelps from the darkness, singing with pride and pain about a fame that has isolated him beyond measure.
As the Thin White Duke, Bowie sings with bitter irony, It’s not the side effects of the cocaine! I’m thinking that it must be love! It’s well known that Bowie, living for a year (1975-1976) in his despised, self-chosen, wasteland of Los Angeles, had fallen victim to a kind of Method Writing, unable to escape in life the character he’d crafted to hide behind on stage.
Subsisting on a diet of cocaine, chili peppers and milk, he grew paranoid, hallucinating, allegedly dabbling in Black Magic and storing his jarred urine in his refrigerator. I was six years old at the time, living less than a mile from Cherokee Studios where Station to Station was in session, and smudging my mother’s brand new Young Americans vinyl with powdered sugar fingerprints.
He said of the following album, Low, “It was a dangerous period for me. I was at the end of my tether physically and emotionally and had serious doubts about my sanity. But I get a sense of real optimism through the veils of despair from Low. I can hear myself really struggling to get well.”
It’s the pale, shimmering hope that makes Low my favorite of all of Bowie’s offerings, but for Station to Station’s Duke of Disillusion it’s too late—for hate, gratitude, any emotion. It’s not, however, too late to lay himself bare in the work: there’s no reach for sanity, just a man collapsing while still directing, as the camera rolls.
Blackstar has been called a gift, and on “Dollar Days,” a song that describes his effort to communicate in the face of death, Bowie breaks the fourth wall to address this directly: Don’t think for just one second I’ve forgotten you/I’m trying to/I’m dying to(o).
I believe as an artist he had no choice, no other way to confront his circumstance other than to talk himself through it, put it in the work.
The profound generosity of Blackstar, and a vast swath of Bowie’s creative output, is that in this most intimate conversation with death, god, time, himself, we’ve been invited to listen in.
5.
What makes a good death? Bowie withdrew from the public in the last decade and was characteristically silent regarding his illness, in this tell-all age (that owes him not a little for its status quo “tolerance” of Chazes and Caitlyns). He was also, in his time post-diagnosis, compelled to make his most raw and exposing work in years, and between the play and album, likely spent a long part of each day in their pursuit, while presumably also tending to his needs as a father, husband, friend, man.
In Walter Tevis’ book The Man who Fell to Earth—the basis of Nicholas Roeg’s film that inspired Bowie’s production Lazarus—stranded, despondent space alien Thomas Jerome Newton records an album called The Visitor: we guarantee you won’t know the language, but you’ll wish you did! Seven out-of-this-world poems! Newton explains it’s a letter to his family and home planet that says, “Oh, goodbye, go to hell. Things of that sort.”
Bowie’s seven-song swansong, Blackstar, is rather more generous, and from a writer notorious for lyrical slipperiness, layered meanings, a cut-up technique (copped from Burroughs) that spawned lines about Cassius Clay and papier-mâché, its text is frequently plain-spoken and direct.
Even my favorite frolic sounds a combative calling down of his illness, time: Man, she punched me like a dude/Hold your mad hands, I cried/She stole my purse, with rattling speed/This is the war. It would not be the first time Bowie referred to Time as a “whore.” (see: Aladdin Sane.)
In the title video’s most vivid sections, Bowie becomes god—less vengeful than dismissive—singing, from heaven’s attic, a swaggering takedown of Bowie himself: You’re a flash in the pan, I’m the great I am. (From Exodus: And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.)
His button eyes in both videos suggest a puppet, and so the presence of a puppet master, but I don’t read these images as signs of deathbed conversion. Bowie was a spiritual seeker who borrowed magpie style—in this case from Egyptian, Kabalistic, Christian and Norse iconography—to create a language to give voice to his fears and dark entries.
“If you can accept—and it’s a big leap—that we live in absolute chaos, it doesn’t look like futility anymore. It only looks like futility if you believe in this bang up structure we’ve created called ‘God’.”
In his last gestures Bowie answered not God, but himself, regarding the way he’d lived, and in particular, as an artist. The pulse returns the prodigal sons suggests that the characters he inhabited—some regrettable, but not irredeemable—are with him as he assesses the intentions behind, and perceived short-comings of, his creative offerings: Seeing more and feeling less/Saying no but meaning yes/This is all I ever meant/That's the message that I sent/(but) I can’t give everything away.
In his almost unbearably haunting last video, it seems we’re finally invited to meet David Jones, or Bowie playing Jones. Jones the man lies in bed, clutching a blanket with those mortal, frightened hands. Nearby the writer manically, fretfully reaches for immortality, while Bowie the performer, dutifully dances to the end.
“There’s an effort to reclaim the unmentionable, the unsayable, the unspeakable, all those things come into being a composer, into writing.” “You present a darker picture for yourself to look at, and then reject it, all in the process of writing. I think that’s what’s left for me with music. Now I really find that I address things to myself. That’s what I do. If I hadn’t been able to write songs and sing them, it wouldn’t have mattered what I did. I really feel that. I had to do this.”
This morning I remembered where I'd seen the writer's austere, black and white striped costume before: the program for the 1976 Isolar tour, wherein Bowie self-consciously poses with a notebook or makes chalk drawings of the Kabbalah tree of life. Isolar is a made up word—and name of his current company—said to be comprised of isolation and solar.
I love this costume—a kind of artisan worker-bee uniform. There are satin kimono-sleeved ass-baring rompers for when its time to present the work, but when making it, roll up your revolutionary sleeves and get to it.
1976 saw the success of Station to Station, the premiere of The Man Who Fell to Earth and the recording of The Idiot and Low. It was not the most grounded time for Bowie personally (to understate it), but arguably his most vital creatively, and this nod to the continuum of creative spirit seems to suggest that the artist dies, but through the work, like Lazarus, rises again.
6.
So what, then, is a Blackstar? Perhaps a marked man, a sly reference to Elvis’ song of the same name whose lyrics include, Every man has a black star/A black star over his shoulder/And when a man sees his black star/He knows his time, his time has come.
Although Bowie did not, as rumored, write “Golden Years” for Elvis, he did find (somewhat bashful) significance in their shared birthdays, took pains to catch his concerts, had his white jumpsuit copied to wear while performing “Rock and Roll Suicide,” modeled his own costume in Christiane F after Elvis’ ensemble in Roustabout, and perhaps his Aladdin Sane red/electric blue lightening bolt was inspired by Elvis’ signature gold one. Which is to say, he likely knew of The King’s “Black Star.”
Blackstar could also suggest the theoretical transitional state between a collapsed star and a singularity—a state of infinite value in physics, a metaphor for immortality.
I’m not a gangstar/I’m not a film star/I’m not a popstar/I’m not a marvel star/I’m not a white star/I’m not a porn star/I’m not a wandering star/I’m a star’s star/I’m a blackstar.
“Sometimes I don’t feel as if I’m a person at all...I’m just a collection of other people’s ideas.” Is Bowie simply claiming his right to throw off all mantles?
The car crash that is the documentary Cracked Actor opens with a reporter asking, “I just wonder if you get tired of being outrageous?” “I don’t think I’m outrageous at all,” Bowie throws back, miffed. The reporter persists, “Do you describe yourself as ordinary? What adjective would you use?” Bowie searches his brain for an appropriate response to the inane question and finally lands upon: “David Bowie.”
Or perhaps, as Isolar suggests, a Blackstar is someone hidden in plain sight. In an interview that seems more therapy session, with Mavis Nicolson in 1979, mostly drug-free and grounded Bowie speaks of the appeal of life in Berlin, whose physical wall seemed to mirror his psyche. Without referencing himself or the characters he’s inhabited, he describes an isolated figure who finds no home in the world, but instead creates “a micro world inside himself.”
When Nicolson suggests that as an artist Jones must keep himself from love, he rejects the idea outright, but when gently pressed about the demands of relationships in actual life and not “from afar,” he concedes, extending his arms before him like a shield, “No, love can’t get quite in my way, I shelter myself from it incredibly.”
The moment is so resonantly raw that the two break into manic humor, shifting to the story of his eye injury in a childhood fight over a girl, wherein he laughs and says, “I wasn’t even in love with her.”
In “Lazarus,” the dying Jones sings: everybody knows me now, and perhaps that is so, as much as it ever could be for a man who spent an artistic career in self-sustained exile.
And why shouldn’t David Jones have been—with the exception of a few deeply druggy years—free from the curse and blessing of being Bowie? What are we owed by our artists?
7.
Blue, blue, electric blue, that's the colour of my room.
The Bowie song that forever circles my brain describes a writer waiting for the muse, describing the loneliness and blessing of the electric blue of creation. Vishuddhi, or the electric blue throat chakra of Hindu tantra, is associated with the vocal cords, communication, creative expression, one’s inner-truth.
For sixteen months I lived in Berlin’s Schöneberg quarter, around the corner from 155 Hauptstrasse and the apartment that song was composed in and of. I’d pedal my bike past and nod to the ghost Bowie inside, still wondering and waiting for the gift of sound and vision.
It’s the seventh day since Bowie’s death, the final day of shiva I’ve sat beneath his window. I’ve never much understood funerals, always felt they were for a “living” that didn’t include me, but this has been different.
Over this week I’ve shared glances with occasional bleary-eyed oldsters coming or going from where I’m headed or have just been–there have been no young folk to speak of and no platform boots necessary to recognize the kooks.
Today, from a block away, I spy a pair of women making the pilgrimage. The taller of the two—who for one moment I mistake for Patti Smith—has Smith’s hair, a floor-length bright blue shearling coat and an armload of exquisite orange, flame-tipped roses.
Trailing my comrades I think of Smith’s line in Woolgathering when, upon being given a dandelion, she asks, “What could I wish for but my breath?”
At Bowie’s door the energy feels less personal, dissipating. After the roses-bearers depart, a lone woman and I stand shivering before the diminished pile of offerings framed by narrowed police barricades: plastic-wrapped bodega flowers and a few handmade items, the most prominent being a cigar box shrine with a Halloween Jack eye patch and what seems a bunch of random stuff tossed in. The woman plays “Starman” on her phone, and rather than poignant, it’s just sad.
A years later follow-up to his first solo release, “Major Tom,” “Starman” takes the isolation of planet earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do and turns it into an anthem where a cosmic DJ messiah tells us misfits not to blow it, ‘cause he thinks it’s all worthwhile.
The 1972 Top of the Pops performance famously featured Bowie’s flirty finger wagging at the viewer, and casually intimate embrace of Mick Ronson, which blew the minds of much of Britain and beyond and marked Bowie as a more than a one-hit wonder. I silently give thanks to many, including Bowie, not to live in a world where a rock and roll arm thrown over a shoulder can cause a stir.
Over the song’s fade out the woman shrugs and says something about bears—at least I think that’s what I hear. I smile and nod remotely, then realize she’s drawing my attention to the carefully rendered Ziggy Stardust teddy bear—complete with lightning bolt and guitar—hanging from the police steel.
This bear abrades me for no good reason. A few young women pass by on their way into American Apparel. “That was David Bowie’s house,” one says over her shoulder, and the other makes an “awww” sound like she might at the sight of a teddy bear, or the memorial of that musician guy that died the way people do—other people, older people. As they pause to take a selfie in front of Bowie’s memorial offerings I turn and nearly sprint downtown.
I learned in this week of Bowie Internet inundation that he trailed these streets too, often at dawn, in solitude, but right now I need Chinatown’s chaotic, smashing life. I’ll buy those killer clementine from that vendor on the corner, I think, and eggplant, scallion and ginger for supper.
I weave among cardboard boxes of dried silver fish and lotus root, tourists linked arm-in-arm in matching New York pom-pom hats, Chinese grandmas pushing plaid shopping carts in (Harold and) Maude braids. A man exits a hallway, arms loaded with red-ribboned funeral flowers. A chef in a paper hat leans against a wall, smoking beneath a pumpkin-sized, spinning dumpling.
Beneath crisscrossing wires strung with giant, glinting snowflakes, I warm my hands on a cup of milky tea and wonder when we’ll get winter’s first snow. Glancing up to cross Mott (the Hoople) Street, I wonder when the city’s details will cease to conjure Bowie.
I tuck dragon fruit into my sack, humming “Starman”—whose chorus melody is plainly lifted from The Wizard of Oz’s “Over the Rainbow.” Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly/Birds fly over the rainbow./Why then, oh, why can't I?
In performance, Bowie sometimes coyly sung a mash-up of these anthems of longing for belonging. On “Lazarus” he sings, seemingly of his death, This way or no way/You know, I’ll be free/Just like that bluebird/Now ain’t that just like me.
Blackstar begins by naming the Norse village of Ormen. In Norse mythology, the rainbow bridge that connects this world to that of the gods is Bifrost, which translates as tremulous way. Tremulous—as in trembling—as Bowie does so heart-wrenchingly as he backs into the armoire and out of this world.
When he heard the call, David Jones, who could walk the streets of Manhattan undetected, slipped over the rainbow and into his own imagination.
But with generosity and courage it seems he did not fully recognize, David Bowie spent his life pulling back the curtain on the Great Oz, showing the man, his frustration and fallibility, questioning art-making and then making it anyway.
I fear in the end he imagined himself “a very bad man but a very good wizard,” when in fact the opposite was true. The droves of people gathered at his front door and around the world may have found the masks fascinating, but only as much as the man, and heart, behind them.
I imagine catching David Jones wandering past shop windows plastered with red New Year monkeys, beneath golden, swaying lanterns. I would thank him for Ziggy Stardust, whose hair my mother copied and Scary Monsters, whose poster graced my eleven-year-old bedroom wall. I’d say thanks for Low and Hunky Dory, which got me through hard times. Thanks for The Man Who Fell to Earth and The Hunger, Aladdin Sane and the Thin White Duke. Thanks for Diamond Dogs, Heroes, Lodger, Station to Station. Thanks for creating a soundtrack for my life and the lives of my favorite people.
Thanks for being a fierce, literate libertine, giving permission when I so badly needed it and inspiration always. Thanks, from the strange kids, for saying, No love, you’re not alone! You’re wonderful!
On the afternoon of January 10th, in what I later learned were the last hours of Bowie’s life, a double rainbow drew me from my desk and to the window. It arced across the skyline and ended at the Empire State Building, so strikingly that fire fighters in the station across the street took to the emergency dispatch microphone to exclaim to the neighborhood, “There’s a rainbow!”
As the first snow falls over Chinatown’s back alleys, I think: rainbowie!
There’s a Starman, over the rainbow, way up high, and he told me—let the children lose it, let the children use it, let all the children boogie.
Kim Wood's writing has appeared in Out Magazine, McSweeney’s, Tin House's Open Bar, and on National Public Radio. She has received grants from the Jerome Foundation and is a MacDowell Colony fellow. She is working on a book, Advice to Adventurous Girls, based upon the unpublished archive of a 1920s motorcycle daredevil. Her documentary film on this subject has screened internationally in festivals and museums including Sundance and the Guggenheim, where it double-billed with an episode of ChiPs.
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Survey #72
hey ya’ll, kinda conflicting moods in this survey; the earlier, dreary-sounding answers, please do not worry about them, as i took this over the course of longer than a week. i was hospitalized this past week and am currently home safe again. i just don’t feel like going back changing answers, lol.
are you currently distressed about anything? yes, quite a bit. i found the gem to the ring jason gave me, but i can't find the ring itself... i really wanna fix it and wear it. i'm pretty damn upset about the situation, considering how much i cherish anything i've ever had from him.
do you like your pop tarts toasted or cold? i like them how they are in the package.
do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom? i prefer the front, 'cuz i can see better and i feel more obligated to engage.
what’s your least favorite flavor of candy? orange
do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? no.
which is worse: living where there’s lots of tornadoes or lots of hurricanes? tornadoes, definitely. i live where there are plenty of hurricanes, and the last one we had that was truly devastating was floyd, and that occurred when i was a very young child. tornadoes, meanwhile, are more immediately dangerous.
have you ever seen a black rose? no, but i would loooove to...
do you like pie? no, actually.
if you died right now, how would you feel about your life? it was a nightmare.
do you have any morbid interests? gore and guts. bones. death itself, kinda.
if someone were to ask you if you were okay right now, are you? no. i'm currently waiting for the suicide hotline's online chat room to open up. i've been a wreck all evening and google searched something i shouldn't have; google gave me the number to the hotline as well as the option to chat online. i broke the fuck down. i've been waiting for a spot to open for like ten minutes...
have you ever thrown up from working out? no, but i know i've been close.
do you have any gay family members? i think i have an uncle who is?
would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? fuck yes i would be.
(new day.)
would you date someone who still lived with their parents? uhhh, why wouldn't i...?
would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? nope.
would you enjoy a night of playing video games? very much so.
would you watch a porno with your partner? absolutely not.
would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? errr... i hate admitting this, but no. it's suspicious.
coffee or tea? i have a strong dislike of both, really.
when was the last time you climbed a tree?
never; nc doesn't really have climbable trees, just pines.
what clubs do/did you participate in at school?
i was in the art club and shit, what was it called... it was for honors students...
what is something you and your best friend say/do that seems strange to an outsider?
act gay as hecke
do you like to sleep near the wall, the middle, or the open side of the bed?
open side.
what’s the strangest rumor that has ever been spread about you?
a rumor started in high school that jason and i had had a baby. a rachel is who told the person who told me, soooo i'm not stupid. i know which rachel started it.
how involved were you in the drama of your high school? not at all.
do you like to cuddle while you are sleeping? all night, no. when jason and i were dating, i would usually begin sleeping cuddled with him, but would pull away during the night because i got hot.
what are you favorite places to be touched?
i'm guessing you mean sexually? personally my breasts are very sensitive to touch.
do you like lip biting? again, in a sexual context? sure.
describe your first date. jason took mom and me to see "ghost rider 2." i personally thought it was very cute that he wanted mom to come, too.
what really goes on in your head? memories, poisoned with remorse. i'm always looking back and missing how things used to be. death and decay goes on in my head. passions pass away, and the darkness that i try so hard to keep in the back of mind envelops its entirety more and more each time i weaken. i don't mean to sound all dark or poetic, it's just... how i describe things. i wish just one person would understand exactly what's happening up there.
do other people’s opinions mean anything to you? sometimes.
have you ever just wanted to run away to see who would follow? i have run away, and nearly got the police on my ass.
have you ever had a hamster as a pet? multiple times. all were assholes.
who do you really need in your life? jason. yet he's not here.
way down in there’s any part of you sad at all? all parts of me are sad.
what’s your favorite type of insect? i really love butterflies, moths, dragonflies, ladybugs...
is there anything worrying you right now? if so, have you talked to anyone about it? when am i not worried... i'm so scared jason won't come back. the last person i talked to about it was virginia, his mom. i was suicidal last night and was very, very sincerely contemplating killing myself, and i wanted to talk to him, because i feel like he's the only one who can talk me out of it. so i found their number and called their house past midnight. i talked to virginia; jason had just gone to bed, and she didn't want to wake him up. she's such a sweet woman... she tried so hard to help, but it was all in vain.
apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? cry, i'm sure.
does anyone see you as a role model? i'm certain that's a no.
what is something that you’ve recently learned? it's very likely i have bpd.
what is your most expensive possession? the laptop jason gave me... but it's broken right now.
what’s the worst sickness you’ve ever had? aside from mental illness, the worst physical illness was just a REALLY bad stomach virus. i've never even had the flu.
are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day?
if i ever get married... then yeah. it's one of my fairytales.
what kind of music do you tend to like? heavy metal, some harder rock.
do you have any mental disorders? and they're going to kill me.
do you believe everything happens for a reason? fuck that.
do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart? yes.
do you live in the moment? i live in the past.
how many more minutes until you will next eat? i should've eaten an hour ago. but i'm too upset to be hungry.
what do/did you normally get detentions for? i only ever got detention for too many tardies.
what do you currently hear? "i don't love you" by my chemical romance, my typing, my sniffling, and my heart pounding in my head.
do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? i won't have kids anyway. i don't even know why i'm spending my time doing this survey. i'm procrastinating on looking for any sleeping pills in the house. i'm done.
do you like the band a skylit drive? i like their cover of "love the way you lie"
who’s someone you want to see right now? jason. he could stop this. i know he could.
have you ever been stung by anything? no, i haven't.
have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to? no, i fucking hate people who do that.
are you paranoid? only always.
(next week)
are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? nope.
would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? which one seems best? hmmm. teleport, i guess.
do you like soda pop? if so, which is your favorite and least favorite? i sadly do. i loooove mountain dew, and i really hate pepsi.
does it annoy you when surveys ask questions about controversial topics, or do you like arguing your point? i like controversial questions, honestly. i like making a point.
are there any specific piercings you would never, ever get done? the only piercing i would never get, even for a ludicrous amount of money, is around my private area. nope.
assuming you had sufficient funds, would you be capable of living alone, paying bills and looking after yourself properly? honestly, no. probably not.
do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? meeee!
were either of your parents baptized? idk
the last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? ha ha omg, a mosh pit at an alice cooper concert in north carolina... that'd be a sight to see.
does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.
when you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken? burgers, almost always.
are you self-conscious of your smile? yes, because my eyes squint.
what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? writing. sometimes drawing.
what color do you really want to dye your hair? GRAY. mom won't let me. :(
sunrise or sunset? sunset is prettier, imo.
what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i love some of the petnames colleen calls me, honestly. it's just sweet.
what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. socks suck. period. i avoid them at all costs.
have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? how flexible you think i am, fam?
do you play the wii? very rarely.
be honest, did fifty shades of grey arouse you in any way? i didn't read/watch it, and i have no plans to.
do have faith in yourself? lmao
did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? i'm not sure, actually. i do know, however, everyone first thought i was a boy; i always had my legs crossed in the ultrasound. mom, however, "knew" i was a girl.
does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? not really. like i guess if i called her to get me some ginger ale or something, she'd do it, but i kinda just take care of myself.
is there a certain topic that you struggle to talk about, because it makes you feel uncomfortable? not really.
if you’re not in college, why? because i mentally cannot handle the stress it causes.
do you try to avoid burping in public, or are you open about it? after all, it is a normal bodily function. i'm very discreet about it normally, just because of social standards. around family and very close friends, i don't give a shit.
do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? i like the fruity flavors.
what do you think is the dumbest / tackiest piercing? i don't really know.
have you ever requested a song on the radio? no.
would you ever dye your hair black? i have before and i loved it.
when did you last see the person you love/like? when will you next see them? i saw him yesterday... and i probably never will again...
is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind atm? do you think that person will be thinking about you too? he always is, and i can absolutely guarantee he's not thinking about me.
do you know the star sign of the last person you kissed? he's an aquarius, like me.
what’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? got sexual on my parents' bed, i guess.
who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you smile? are you attracted to that person? jason, and yeah...
do you currently have any medicine in your bag / purse / etc? if so, what kind? no, i'm not allowed to. i overdosed the other day.
what do you like on your pasta / noodles? sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? sauce, always.
are you weary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? why or why not? no, because love should be very openly celebrated.
do you think teenagers can be in love? absolutely. i was and still am now from the same relationship as an adult.
how fast does your mood change? 0-100 real quick, boo.
at this moment in time if you HAD to have someone’s name tattooed on you who’s would it be? uhhh... literally no one's. i just wouldn't. well uh, i guess if it was life or death, uhhh... probably jason's, honestly?? but realistically, i never would get anyone's??
what’s your all-time favorite COMEDY movie? hm. maybe "white chicks" or "rush hour 2"
how old is your most recent ex? he's 23.
how many keys are on your key chain? two
how does your hair look right now? it's all big and suuuuper curly!!! chelsea did it. :D
does your house have a white picket fence? nope.
do you wear bracelets? no, never.
when was the last time you had sex? never. #regret
do you have a wild side? only j's seen it, honestly... heh.
what is your favorite thing about going to your grandma’s house? literally. nothing.
who did you last have an alcoholic drink with? chelsea. good day.
where do you plan on living within the next few years? probably the same 'ole north carolina.
do you have an addiction? debatably the internet, but i honestly consider it more of a dependence.
if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2016, absolutely.
do you believe you should change who you are for the person you love? to a degree, sure.
when you’re home alone, do you still keep the door closed when you shower? the bathroom door is open, my room door is closed.
do you currently have a hickey? i wish ha ha.
now your cell phone, what color is it? black.
how many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? plenty of times.
what color is your hair? ruby red, with redder highlights and brown roots coming in.
your parents are divorced/married/separated? divorced
have you ever let someone be your everything? and i'm a broken person because of it.
do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like? no. he made it clear i deserve to suffer for giving up.
have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? ahhh, yes. (:
have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? no.
do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? inside. feel safer/cozier.
have you ever had sex or something like it? something like it, sure, but not actual sex.
have you ever worn fishnets? i don't think so... but maybe for dance?
do you always wear your seat belt? yep.
have you ever liked someone much older than you? not seriously.
are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? oh god. heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, asthma, cancer, depression, bipolarity, more shit i'm forgetting...
do you have asthma? no.
are tongue piercings slutty? ... no?
last person to take off your pants, besides you? �� jason.
when you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? yep.
what’s your second favorite color? pink, probably.
how many times have you been so drunk you didn’t remember the night before? never.
what sexual kinks do you personally enjoy, if any? i actually had to look up some kinks bc idk if some things are considered kinks or not? evidently even something as common as spanking is, and i'm into that very mildly. anr (i think that's be abbreviation, probably wrong...) is something that's like guaranteed to turn me on. i also like feeling/acting sexually submissive in general, but i deeefinitely wouldn't consider it to the point of the dom/sub kink.
ever faked an orgasm? no.
own some type of work out machine? not anymore.
ever wanted to be a vet? i did as a child, yes.
ever flashed someone you liked? i maybe have to jason, while alone with him, but even then i'm not certain i ever have.
ever had a job? if so, what and for how long? first job i had for a month or two. second, like, four days.
do you have a favorite sexual position, even if you’re a virgin? missionary is all i've ever tried and i'm fine with that.
ever done oral? with how many people? yes, one.
what condom brand do you use? i don't use them because i don't have sex. on the one occasion jason bought condoms just to be safe in case we chose to, i'm not sure what brand he got...
do you use flavored/scented/glow-in-the-dark/neon/ribbed condoms? again, i don't use them, but also once more, on the one occasion jason bought some, they were just normal.
what about facebook - do your grandparents use facebook? my maternal grandmother does.
do you have any text messages from your ex, or have you deleted them all? no. the phone i've had i got after the breakup, so.
tell me 3 facts about the first person you had a relationship with. i've "dated" three people, but i've definitely only had a romantic relationship with one, so i'm using him in this question. he loves games of all kinds, he's a huge joker (particularly heath ledger's) fan, and he's studying computer engineering/he's in his last semester.
think about your last ex. do you still find him/her attractive? he's very handsome, yes.
do you regret kissing the last person you kissed? i never will.
have you ever wanted to be a teacher? nope.
if someone were to ask you out right now, would you say yes? the only person i'd say yes to would be jason.
what was the last thing you took medication for? my tremors.
if someone offered you sex right now, how would you respond? again, i'd only yes to jason.
do you think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? i don't think i found the person, i know i did. yet i can't.
be honest, what do you want more than anything at this moment in time? i just want to cuddle with jason.
have you had any conversations recently that made you feel uncomfortable or upset? i talked to jason, face-to-face, two days ago to assist me in gaining closure. very long story short, i was quiiite upset after he left.
what’s the farthest away from home you have ever been? michigan
the last person you had a thing with calls wanting to hang out. what do you do? say "of course!" in probably the most excited voice ever.
what is your favorite shade of blue? hmm. navy, i assume.
what ozzy lyric describes you best? a suRVEY QUESTION REGARDING MY FAVORITE ARTIST??? HELL YEAH!! anyway, i've felt a resonance with "you don't have to leave the lights on; i'm so used to being blind" from "tomorrow" for many years.
what was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? giving up on just that: life.
what is love really about? it's science, but also something inexplicable. it's the perfect combination of your brain's "happy hormones," and only that one person can achieve that certain mixture. granted, there are different kinds of love, and each one is unique.
what metallica lyric most describes your life? wHO FUCKING WROTE THIS, ANOTHER QUESTION W/ ANOTHER FAVORITE ARTIST??? I WANNA MARRY THE SURVEY MAKER PLS. um anyway let's see, i could really list a few. first, i wanna say i feel a VERY strong connection to "the unforgiven ii" as a whole; all the lyrics mean very much to me. but if you want a particular lyric, these couple mean the world: "how can i be lost, if i've got nowhere to go? / and how can i blame you, when it's me i can't forgive?" from "the unforgiven iii" omgggg i could keep going on ;-;
ever been to ozzfest? girl, I WISH.
what's the most illegal thing you've done? just downloading music. wait actually, probably downloading an expensive program illegally.
ever have a tornado in your town? i don't think so.
what percentile of your class were you in? idk about numbers, but the very top. i got an award for it. idk what ever happened...
can you name every place you've ever had sex? i've never had sex, but i've gotten sexual on my bed, his bed, the floor, the couch, the chaise...
what forms of birth control have you used? abstinence is... pretty flawless.
handcuffs or rope :D? errr, i'm guessing you're addressing being tied up sexually? i'm... kinda into the idea of being handcuffed to something, maybe. *shrugs*
ever grown any plants before? what were they? habaneros, zinnias, sunflowers...
how many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? three. i was going to slit my throat on two occasions, and on the last, i overdosed.
what is your favorite cover song? "hurt" by johnny cash. "another brick in the wall" by korn is a close second.
ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? nope.
strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? idk, i guess just getting tubes put in my ears.
if you ever got a tattoo, where would you get it? i already have three and want loads more like... everywhere. most specifically though, i think sternum tattoos are drop-dead gorgeous.
could you ever go vegetarian? no. i enjoy meat too much.
how do you fall asleep? [i.e, listening to music, reading, daydreaming…] just thinking...
have you ever been chased by bees? omg no.
what is your opinion on homosexuality? it's a mutation, but that does not make it wrong.
what is your biggest fear in life? being alone in life. not being able to function properly in the "real world" is a close second.
when was the last time you kissed someone? 2015
are you sick quite often or hardly at all? hardly at all. proud of that 'ole immune system.
has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? apparently.
do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? chocolate, definitely.
does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? no, but i actually have noticed something: it began to bother me ever so slightly more after jason passed out from me getting my blood taken that one time. i think it's because of how i look up to and see him in general, seeing him react to something like that, a part of my brain wants to believe "omg that has to be dangerous then." but in general, i don't really have issue with getting my blood drawn.
who would you say is your best friend at the moment? colleen. always.
how long have you two been best friends? over two years.
do you sometimes think you aren’t as fortunate as others? it's not something i dwell on, but i know i'm not.
have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? i have, and i'm bad at it.
have you ever been admitted to the hospital? only six times.
what would you say is your favorite type of flower? tiger lilies, i think.
how old is your pet? teddy is ten, cali isss... three, i think, bentley's not even a year, and lexi is around two, probs.
do you listen to artists who consist more of guys, girls, or both? i seem to prefer male artists.
what’s your first tattoo? a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist.
what song do you listen to when you’re sad? "perfectly flawed" by otep is common. hence my tattoo. <3
is there a person in your life that can always make you smile? not anymore.
are you scared about the end of the world? not really, because i don't think i'll be around to see it.
will you ever get a tattoo? i have three and want more. my next tattoo will be an adaptation of "denialism" by deviantart's tatchit. look it up, it is honestly a phenomenal work of art.
when you get yelled at, do you yell back or let it go? well first, i get triggered. yelling triggers memories of my parents fighting so much. odds are, i'll yell back, but it really depends.
do you share a computer with your siblings? nooo.
do you have mood swings? badly.
do you have any bruises on you? yes, from getting my blood drawn so much recently. the iv left a good one.
have you had sex today? girl, i wish.
has the last person you kissed ever made you cry? plenty of times.
be honest with yourself, are you proud of your actions? some yes, some no. it just. varies. for the most part, i guess so, like i can't deny i'm a fighter, but i just feel weak sometimes.
if you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? honestly, i would get a tiny heart on the side of my face if it wasn't for societal standards and the strong odds of unemployment for having a tat on my face.
what is something you find romantic? flowers, picnics, walks in the park, oh man, i could go on for HOURS. you can make SO many things romantic.
what makes you attracted to the person you like right now? his personality.
what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? rape is #1 for me. just don't.
would you rather live in a castle or a spaceship? castle, hell yeah!!
has someone ever made you a build-a-bear? OMG NO I WOULD DIE THAT'D BE PRECIOUS
what are your initials? bmd, or bmcd if you want my catholic name.
what is your definition of “having sex”? penal-vaginal penetration.
who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)? jason.
do you think a relationship with a 16-year-old girl and a 35-year-old man would work out? do you think age differences like that (when they’re under 18) should be legal? they should absolutely not be legal. just... no. i don't support big age gaps like that.
what do you think of open relationships? if your partner suggested it, what would you say? HA. no. and if he suggested it, i'd leave his ass.
would you ever date out of your race? mhmm.
have you ever had a reptile for a pet? i've had one lizard, two snakes.
what kinds of alcohol do you like? only ever tried mike's hard lemonade and smirnoff, and both are fine.
did you have a swing set when you were a kid? yup.
state you most want to visit? utah. fucking gorgeous.
were you popular in high school? definitely not.
would you rather be blind or deaf? blind, definitely. i once asked jason this and he said blind, too, "because i have to be able to hear your voice." ;;;-;;;
where do you want to live when you are old? in the mountains, in the woods, in the chilly weather, pls.
have you ever been in love? absolutely. with reckless abandon.
have you ever caught a fish? many many times.
what was your most recent ex’s middle name? alex.
do you put anything weird on your scrambled eggs? (like syrup) just hot sauce.
what is your states minimum wage? $7.25, save us.
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