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diaphragmjellyfish · 4 years

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Bareback (scout’s writing challenge)

(not my gif)

Summary: You and Peter have been dating for a year now, and as your anniversary gift to him, you decide to have sex without a condom for the first time (you’re on the pill). It’s both of your first times trying this, so smut and fluff.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), fingering, sex without a condom (WRAP IT UP GUYS! Not using a condom can expose you to tons of diseases and pregnancy so don’t do this unless you’ve really researched and thought about it)

Today was your and Peter’s one year anniversary. Lucky for you guys, it fell on a Friday, but that still meant you had to go to work all day even though you’d rather spend it snuggled up in bed with each other. You got home from work first, and started cooking the dinner that you had planned to make for him, while thinking about what else you had planned for the night.

Peter had been such a constant in your life, and you knew that this was it. He was your person. Neither of you ever had doubts or thoughts or curiosities, you only ever wanted each other from the moment you met. So you decided to treat Peter. Everyone always says that sex without a condom is a million times better, and since you knew neither of you had any STD’s and you were on the pill so pregnancy wasn’t a concern, you wanted to try it. You just didn’t know how to tell him. Should you be casual about it? Make it a formal presentation? Would he not want to try it? Thoughts raced through your mind at the speed of sound, but you were interrupted by the jingling of keys outside the front door. Peter walked in smiling from ear to ear, and walked over to you with his arms outstretched.

“Happy one-year, baby,” he whispered into your neck as he hugged you.

“Happy anniversary,” you said back, pulling away to place a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Is that all for us?” he questioned, looking at the stove full of food that you had been cooking.

“Mm-hm. Roast chicken with mashed potatoes, and green beans with parmesan cheese. All for you” You smiled.

“Marry me,” he joked as he swiped a finger through the potatoes and licked it clean. Though you wondered about that sometimes, whether his joking about marriage was actually a joke.

You fixed two plates and brought them over to the table, grabbing the champagne Peter had bought earlier that week and some glasses. You handed Peter the bottle, because you could never get them open, and well… Spidey strength. He popped the cork easily and poured your drinks, and you both sat and told each other about your days. It was small talk throughout dinner, but you couldn’t help clenching your thighs every now and again at the thought of what would happen after. When you’d both finished eating, Peter cleared away the plates. “You cooked, I’ll clean. It’s only fair,” he challenged after you tried to clean first. You only laughed, and told him you were going to the bathroom.

What he didn’t know was that you were putting on a special new outfit you’d bought just for tonight. It was a gorgeous light blue lace set of lingerie, with bows on it. Sexy, yet classy. Dirty, yet innocent. Peter was going to love it. After you brushed your teeth and ran a brush through your hair, you walked out to the bedroom to see Peter already sitting on the bed looking down at his phone. He heard the door open and looked up, his eyes getting wide and his mouth hanging open.

“Wow.. holy- you look… I mean, wow.”

You bit your lip and did a slow twirl for him before climbing on the bed and straddling his lap. He seemed to not know what to do with his hands, because they just hovered over your waist, afraid you’d turn to dust if he touched you.

“You like it?” you asked while running your fingers up his chest, caressing his jaw and landing in his curls.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” He responded, looking like a love-struck puppy. Even after a year, you and Peter still had the same effect on each other. You leaned in for a kiss, and as soon as it started getting heavy, you pulled away only for Peter to let out a small whine.

“So I’ve been thinking, and I was wondering if you wanted to try something new…” you started nervously.

He looked at you skeptically and asked, “What did you have in mind?”

You waited a second before responding to decide how best to bring up the idea.

“...Bareback.”

“Wait, what? Isn’t that a type of horse riding?”

You laughed at that, and awed at his innocence. “No baby, it’s when you don’t use a condom.” His eyes widened at this.

“...Are you sure? I didn’t know you were interested in that.”

You pecked his lips once more and told him “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Apparently it feels way better than with one. I’m on the pill, so you can cum inside,” you whispered the last part seductively in his ear.

That was all you needed to say. Peter had fantasized time and time again about what you would look like with his cum leaking out of you, post-orgasmic haze making your legs shake like they always did when he was done with you.

You both dove back in, the kisses turning sloppy and filthy, tongues clashing, lips being bitten, and your hands were all over each other. It didn’t take very long for Peter to rip your bra off of you, destroying the brand new fabric like he had done to countless other ones.

“Ya know it had clasps right? That was expensive,” you taunted, though you could care less about the bra because of how utterly wet you were. Sitting on Peter’s lap was always one of your favorite things. He hummed in response and flipped you over, taking his shirt and jeans off in the process, leaving you both in just your underwear. He quickly pulled yours down however, and began his work.

Peter had a routine of sorts with foreplay. He always said he wanted to make sure you were as wet as possible before he entered you, so he never hurt you. He took his time, starting with rolling your nipples between his fingers. Left, then right. Then his mouth. One nipple at a time, sucking, biting. Left, then right. Then kisses in a trail down your stomach, and then your favorite part. His fingers. He’d start by teasing your clit, rubbing lightly up and down, a barely-there touch. You were a shaky mess by now.

“Mmm, Peter. Please, more.” After you began to beg him, he would press a thumb to your nub, rubbing perfect tight circles on it, making you moan.

“Fuck baby that feels so good, You always make me feel so good.” You knew Peter liked praise. He liked to feel like a man when he was making love to you, and wanted to make sure he was doing a good job.

“You want more sweetheart?” He’d taunt.

“Yes.”

“You sure you can handle it?”

“Yes please Peter I need more!”

He would start by entering one finger into you, moving in and out a couple of times slowly. Then he’d add another, shove them as deep as he could into your warmth, and curl them up in a ‘come here’ motion. You screamed. This was what you wanted. This was what always sent you over the edge. What made you wetter than anything anyone had ever done to you. His hand was soaked, as were the bed sheets, but neither of you cared.

“Peter, fuck me.” you’d moan, and he would only then remember his achingly hard cock still in his boxers, too engrossed in pleasuring you to remember his own ache. He took his underwear off and pumped his thick length several times before turning back into the sweet, soft Peter you know and love. “Are you absolutely, 100% sure you don’t wanna use one?” He looked you deep in the eyes as he asked, wanting your full consent.

“Yes, I’m sure. Want you to cum in me baby. Wanna feel you in me with nothing between us.”

He almost came right there. He leaned over you, one arm next to your head, while the other positioned himself at your entrance. He pushed the tip in, and you both immediately moaned. Loud. There were no barriers. You could feel him. His warmth, his skin, his veins. And he could feel you. Your wetness, your tightness, your ridges. You instantly knew why this would be the best sex of your life.

“Fuck, want me to keep going princess?” he asked.

“Yes, god Peter… yes!”

He bottomed out inside you, and had to stop for a second to compose himself.

“Baby I’m not gonna last long. You feel- fuck! You feel so fucking good… so good mmm”

“It’s okay Peter just move, please!”

He pulled out almost completely before slamming back into you. This was a whole new level of pleasure. You’d never felt so connected to Peter, so aware of his body and so in love with him. He began pounding his hips into you, building up speed, and reached a hand down to rub circles on your clit, which is something he did when he was about to cum to make sure you would finish too. And God you were going to. The pit in your stomach was becoming full, so full of pleasure and Peter.

“Baby, I’m gonna-”

“Cum in me,” you cut him off. He didn’t need any more than that. His hips stuttered as he pushed himself as deep inside you as he could, and you felt hot spurts of his cum coat your insides. It felt AMAZING. A warm pool of his juices deep inside your stomach, and you never wanted to feel without it again. It made you cum shortly after Peter, and when you were both done, he stilled inside you. After catching his breath, he pulled out of you, and you whined at the loss of him. He watched the cum leak out of you, and he swore it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. You could see him going soft as he caressed your face and said lovingly, “That was the best sex ever. Can we please do that for the rest of our lives?”

“You gotta marry me if you want it for the rest of your life, Parker,” you quipped, out of breath.

“Oh, I plan to darling.”

@ptersparkers

#ppwritingchallenge #peter x reader #peter parker smut #marvel

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stressedspidergirlsfandomblog · 4 years

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teenish witcher ficlet?

I kind of have this idea percolating in regards to one of my older posts…

But from the book canon, (I have never played the games or watched any game content other than the dress up scene) Eskel is the 1 witcher Geralt calls his friend. I am going to reread the first book again, I think that’s when Ciri’s at Kaer Morhen and that’ll give me an idea of personalities again a bit.

But Vesemir is the guy who beats two children with a strap for playing with a bug. Not hurting the bug, mind you. (Like, seriously a stern talking to is what was warranted here.) He’s also the guy who trains them to stay alive but reminds them not to be heroic or good or think of themselves as anything more than mercenaries more or less. And then also rarely tells stories. Little witchers falling asleep trembling with pain also like stories.

Like the bastard convinces Geralt that he gave him the name Geralt, and Visenna tells him that’s not true. Considering she tells him almost nothing else, and ditches him yet again with 0 resolution the only thing I believe about her is that she did pick his name. Which means that some heavy brainwashing was going on. I dunno. Geralt talks about Vesemir as being like his father, but he certainly seems to have 0 affection for the dude and the second he gets a shot to talk to his 1 living parent he goes off the deep end. So.

But I’m kind of imagining this platonic sort of friends with benefits thing between Geralt and Eskel. We know they’re not infants when they’re dropped off, so they’ve got personalities of their own and don’t think of themselves as family. I thiiink Coen and Lambert are from a different “crop” if you will. But scared Geralt and Eskel holding hands and falling asleep together.

Talking to each other at night even tho there’s a risk of another beating. Comforting each other through the changes.

Experiencing the misery that is puberty together. (how comprehensive is witcher sex ed? like. Do we know? Do they know about STD’s? They have vaccines more or less… like, they should know right?) but the misery of what a girl might be like who could see past the monster they’re being turned into. Or just how many coins they’re going to earn so they can buy all the whores they want.

Awkwardly learning about their bodies and not having anyone else to talk to or share with and not learning to be embarrassed about everything.

Having almost 0 physical boundaries in the sense that they will invade each other’s space, manhandle each other, and wrestle around like puppies. If one is injured the other has no issue yanking off clothes to find it, or just dragging the limb in question away from the body to examine it. That kind of thing.

That physical bond with each other being all they have that keeps them sane as the boys around them die screaming. Eskel holding Geralt’s hair as he vomits after watching one boy’s eyes liquefy in his skull when the changes don’t take.

Geralt helping set a broken bone in Eskel’s arm after he falls off the pendulum again. Learning how to place stitches by practicing on each other’s wounds.

At least until the bastards manage to convince Geralt he’s now a monster with 0 feeling and he does everything in his power to pretend that they’re right and cuts himself off from everyone and everything.

And then… maybe older, they run into each other again and maybe Geralt’s had some run ins with Yen, or he’s finally met Dandelion, and he’s learned to let himself feel a bit again. And there’s some comfort there in being close to someone he grew up with. Maybe Dandelion’s around and insanely jealous at how casual and comfortable Geralt is with this person who picked him up in a bear hug. Who is sitting with him at the table, one leg over one of Geralt’s as he grips his shoulder and leans in as they talk. They’re laughing together, and for once Geralt has someone around he isn’t afraid of, or ashamed to be near. Not even a little bit. No, there’s no romance there, there’s some mild amusement at the stupid things they did together. But Eskel won’t mock him for his interest in things, it helped him study enough to survive his training and get less punishments. Eskel doesn’t always maybe understand Geralt’s weird enjoyment of university lectures or history books etc, but he doesn’t pretend Geralt’s too stupid to understand it. Might tease him about it, but won’t insult him.

The bard has never seen him with his guard down, never see him talk to someone he isn’t afraid is going to hurt him. Maybe he realizes how often his ‘teasing’ is actually just hitting sore spots that the witcher tries to hide.

Geralt gripping Eskel’s face as he looks over the new scars, calloused fingertips tracing them with a wince. Eskel looking over the bite in his neck with the same familiarity. When the innkeeper gets nasty with Geralt they both just leave. It’s easier and they can keep each other warm enough.

Staying up late by the fire, talking about the monsters, the scars, showing each other like little badges of secret shame, where they’d failed just a bit. Been a bit too slow. Made a mistake. But instead of judgement or mockery it’s just acceptance. They’re still alive so they did fine. And perhaps Geralt had other friendships but the boys didn’t survive. Having a friend is what kept him human throughout.

Curling up together for security and warmth, and then when they part ways they’re both a little lighter. As long as the other is alive it’s going to be okay. There will always be someone there who understands.

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #wiedzmin #witcher eskel #still kind of geraskier?#but in a like he's held accountable for being mean to Geralt when he is #and ignoring it when he says no #man dandelion irks me #I love him and I also wanna kick him in the shins #tv adaption dandelion is better for sure bc when Geralt says he's a snob and a lecher and that's boring #it was true

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djclawson · 5 years

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3 am is as good a time as any to write a confessional on asexuality

I am asexual.

I did not know this until about my early thirties. I didn’t know what asexuality was until I was reading a Dan Savage column where he mentioned it in passing, and I decided to google the term, and after spending five minutes at the Aven site I said, “Oh. That’s me.”

Sexuality was something I always thought would “turn on” at a certain point in my life. I grew up in the 90′s, during the AIDS crisis, so we had a pretty graphic and aggressive education about STDs and safe sex. We had to memorize the failure rates of different types of birth control at preventing STDs, from abstinence (the only thing at 100%) to latex condemns (99.98%, which I’ve since learned was high), to saran wrap, which was apparently a thing and there was a number for it. My private school was secular and progressive and didn’t tell us not to have sex, but made it very clear that with uncurable STDs out there, if we had sex, we were taking our lives and our hands and we needed to take using protection seriously. After one class, I walked out with a friend and we both vowed never to have sex because it just sounded so scary and not worth the hassle. I felt a kinship with her. A few years pass, and my friends are talking casually about having sex, and I’m like, what did I miss?

I first asked a psychiatrist I was seeing for depression about it at 24. I asked him when I was going to hit puberty, essentially, in terms of being interested in sex. Was I just a slow learner? He said, “No, it should have happened already.” He didn’t know what to do with the information I’d given him, because I couldn’t express my befuddlement properly.

I didn’t date, because as an Orthodox Jew, dating leads to marriage, and marriage had sex in it, and I didn’t want any of that. And I had no real interest in marriage or kids. As I got older, this got to be more and more of a problem. When I learned what asexuality was, I rushed to my psychiatrist (a different one because I was living elsewhere) and he said, “Everyone has sexuality, so we have to determine, where did yours go?” And there were fruitless sessions of he asking me about my past, as if there was a rape or molestation in childhood that I hadn’t mentioned or had repressed, and I insisted there wasn’t, over and over again. Eventually, I stopped seeing him, and I was so frustrated that I was rude about it and lashed out at him, and to this day, I feel bad about it, and ashamed, but too scared to go back even in letter form to apologize, afraid of opening old wounds. To my new psychiatrist, I said, “If you don’t believe in asexuality, we’re done.” She said she did, and we had a good relationship from there, and dealt with other problems.

I got engaged. He was older than me, and had children from a previous marriage. He said my asexuality was not a problem, and if we tried sex after marriage and I didn’t like it, we wouldn’t do it, and he could do without. I don’t think he was actively lying, but I think it would have been unfair. I was so terrified of my wedding night (or the nights after, whenever it happened) that it cast a pall over the wedding planning in my mind.

We broke up for reasons entirely unrelated to my sexuality, and my first thought past the pain of the decision was, “I’m free! I don’t have to have sex!” It was such a weight off my shoulders. I got some time to breathe before the pressure was back on from my mother, who was furious that I wasn’t dated. I came out to her, and she did not believe it was a thing, and still doesn’t believe that I am asexual.

The only people who seem to understand are other queer people (some of whom don’t think asexuality belongs in the queer category), but they at least have either found people to be with or are looking. They can be supportive but they cannot take away my loneliness. I both want to be alone and want to be accepted in society for being alone, and it seems it would be just easier to have a partner for so many reasons, but all I want is a really good friend. And to find one who is male, also an Orthodox Jew, and willing to marry me platonically just seems impossible. I feel out of place with the people my age, who are all married or at least divorced. To be married in Judaism (and society in general) is to be an adult. There are schools I can’t go to because they’re only for married women. There are subjects I can’t teach to other Jews because I’m not married.

It is a strange thing to feel desperately alone and want to be alone at the same time. Even books and comics and blogs about asexuality usually reach a point where the person somehow finds someone else who is asexual and sex repulsed. The positive side of me says, “There’s someone for you, too,” and the realistic side says, “You have to compromise. And you have to be social to meet people. You can’t be yourself.”

I don’t feel broken anymore because I don’t want sex, but I do feel like society has no place for me as an educated, unmarried woman with no children. No religion in the world is happy with unmarried women. Either they get married or they got locked away in convents, and Judaism has no convents.

I don’t want sex. I don’t even necessarily want a partner. I just want a place. I want my seat at the table.

#asexuality #pride

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katbot · 6 years

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Logic, Bushes, and my first rolled cigarette.

This is a the sequel to Rescheduling, Accents, and American pride. I nab a second date with N, the Ameriboo.

“actually can we do nine?”

“Nine is fine. I’ll head to the library then head down to you around 8:30. I’ll pick a cheap bar”

“ace! see you then”

I crush a set of logical reasoning questions and give myself a break when the next section is Logic Games.

Around 8:45, I finish my make-up and head down to Christopher. I know every bar in this area and want to pick one that fits my vibe.... without charging $10+ for a pint.

I feel like Goldilocks. This bar’s too crowded. This bar’s too dive-y. This bar’s too bougie!

I’m in between Shade or Triona’s.

The first— a faux-dive with 15 dollar cocktails but cheap beers. Triona’s, a sports bar with cheap beers but water downed mixed drinks.

When he texts me he’ll be late, I treat myself to cheeky cocktail at Shade.

I grab my favourite window seat and pull out my workbook. Logic games can’t beat me with a cocktail in hand! I’m 100% wrong and end up spending most of my time texting my date for next week— a freelance guitarist from Greenpoint.

N catches me off guard. He slips into the chair across the table with a cheery, “Hiya!”

“Hey!” I wrap up my books & phone conversation like a guilty child.

“How was LA?”

We pop into the conversation like old friends. I’m delighted when he’s chill with staying at Shade for another round. I insist he add his beer to my tab to avoid the hassle of opening his own.

We exchange week events and he shares pictures of LA beaches. It’s beautiful, but I could never see myself out there. Like most New Yorkers— I can’t drive. He tells me about his hour-long bus ride to the centre of town and I silently thank my immigrant parents for picking the right coast.

We shuffle next door to Triona’s. When I begin to order a drink, he grabs me by the shoulder and insist he buy the next drink.

He’s staring me down. His brown hair has turned less floof and more mane.

“I-uhh. I-I’m going to get liquor. Get the next round.”

I’m not rich by any means, but I remember his poor comment from last week and feel bad. The fact that I freely throw my card at bartenders means most of my dispensable income (gladly) goes to booze. Booze that’s mostly pricey gin.

“What are you getting? Vodka?”

His intensity is throwing me off guard.

“No — gin.”

“Niceeee,” he coos. His UK appreciation overtakes his intensity, but it rolls back when I correct his pairing assumption.

“And soda?? What are you mental??”

He gives me shit until the bartender comes over then, ask for my preferred gin before ordering.

He opens a tab. We're in it for the long run!

I’ve got a smug blush on when we settle into a side table. The conversation flows well; he tells me he’ll be gone till mid-May, for stop back home to England.

We match pints to pints once I finish my gin. Alternating rounds depending on whose too lazy to get up.

At one point his phone chimes, and he groans. “Ugh. Sorry. It’s my program. It just crashed.”

It’s the reason he was late today. It’s a bunch of coding shit that vaguely ties into politics, but he surprisingly explains it in an uncomplicated way. I’m impressed and can actually make sense of it.

“So... if it’s just that one digit that’s off...can’t you just replace it with the proper unit?? How long will it take?” I speak slowly to not fuck up the basic terminology and…. because I’m entering the tipsy territory.

He nods. And we he tells me it’ll take a few minutes I insist he do it right away.

We squabble until I put my foot down. “Promise you, I’m not offended. You're gonna be behind tomorrow. It's not worth it."

He begrudging pulls out his laptop, opens up the terminal, apologizing the entire time through. “So sorry.” He repeats, typing away like a mad man.

“Literally no stress.” And I mean it. I’m definitely tipsy and check on my #boysquad.

“Date going well?”

“Yeah! Hardly feels like a date though. Def friendzoned myself. ”

“Make a move!!!”

I scoff and put my phone away just has N slides his laptop away.

“Already?!”

“Already! Thank you! Next pint on me?”

He begins to prep a cigarette when I mention it’s a skill I never developed. He props paper and tobacco in front of me and starts a How-to lesson. It’s an awful cigarette that he ends up reshaping.

“Not so bad for the first time. Shall we pop off now?”

It’s an amazing cigarette. I’m not just saying that because I (kind of) rolled it.

In-between drags, he gives me his UK number. “Yknow....in case you want to talk to me while I’m abroad.”

“Uh...okay sure.” I ash my cigarette and save the number as Nx2.

When we head inside, I suddenly realize I’m tired of the scenery.

“Hey, do you wanna head to another bar? Grab one last pint?”

“Yeah. That sounds chill.”

We’re standing up to close our tabs, when he reaches for my hand and pulls me over for a kiss.

It catches me off guard and I pull away with a, “Whoa. I—“

“Oh god. I’m sorry. I thought you wanted—“

“No. I— I do. I think you’re really hot. I just wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t think you were into it.”

“Oh no. You’re super cute. I’m definitely into it.”

I laugh and excuse myself to the bathroom, where I text the #boysquad — “wow I think this dude wants to fuck me???”

When I get out, N’s smoking outside the bar. “So. Bar??” The plumes of smoke obscure his face.

“Yeah. It’s just a bit late now. I’m afraid they’ll last call us quickly.”

“Well, there some bars in Bushwick still open.”

I laugh. Imagine me going to Brooklyn?

“Or we can go back to mine and have a few cocktails?” He leans and begins kissing me.

I laugh again, “Listen. I think you’re really hot. And I really want to fuck you. I just...didn’t expect this. I thought we were doing the more friends thing. THIS is great but the thing is....I haven’t shaved in months.”

He stares at me, genuinely confused and after a beat says, “…So?”

“No no," I waving my hands frantically. "You don’t understand. I literally mean MONTHS."

He's still staring at me dead pan, a stream of smoke jets out of the corner of his mouth.

"So, would you be down to fuck me in like a month when you’re back from England?”

This time he laughs, holding my hand he answers.

“Yes, I’d be down to fuck you in May.... but I’m also down to fuck you now.”

He leans in and kisses me again. I shake my head and step away.

“You don’t understand. It’s like a Kate Bush bush.”

He replies instantly,

“I love Kate Bush.”

---

The lights on Williamsburg bridge are illuminating N’s hand on my thigh. My hands are folded together in plain sight. I don't mind the tiny PDA but the cab’s stern glances into the rear-view mirror are making me uncomfortable.

It isn't until the safety of Bushwick's darkness that I reach over for his hand. He squeezes it tight and I like that he's not trying to fuck in this cab.

We pull up to his apartment and he pays for it fully, despite my (admittedly half arsed) offer to split.

Holding hands, he unlocks the front door, and we silently walk up the staircase. It's one of those buildings where people leave their shoes outside the door.

The apartment is cool. Spacious and lofted. There's a tube map on the wall that makes me smile.

He makes one greyhound & one Tim Collins while I’m in the restroom.

His room is cute. It’s reminds me of my own. I observe the pictures has I pulled off my jeans. They're a bunch of him and his friends. They're holding beers and smiling hard in most of them.

We fuck for hours. I’m surprised and grateful his refractory period is so short.

I'm so used to a one and done session, I have a back to back orgasm that makes me go cross eyed.

After the fourth time, I start to get dress when he sharply ask where I’m going. “It’s so late. Of course you’re staying. I wouldn’t let you go home at this time, it's too dangerous.”

I’m thrown off. Most of my sex life has been me getting kicked out at 4am, and his random dude wants me to stay? I'm embarrassed for myself and successfully play off my dressing as "just underwear lounging."

I can't believe he buys it.

After, cigarettes and chatting. We settle into bed. He’s outrageously cuddly. He wraps his entire body around me, and plays with hair.

I’m thrown off by the intimacy. I’ve never had anyone’s fingers through my hair.

I’m so turned on….

After the fifth time, we actually settle into bed. Octopus’d together, we both knock out quickly.

I wake up before my alarm goes off. I’ve got to get in early to change into my spare work clothes.

N greets me with a groggy “Mornin’? Off to work?”

He’s still stupidly cute and I regret not calling out the night before. I scramble around the room, cursing myself out for not following my organised protocol.

This is what happens when you haven’t heard sex in nearly two years.

God— why is it so hard to put jeans on???

I give him a kiss on his forehead and he wishes me a great day.

I can hear his roommate rustling to leave, I’ve got to get out of here now.

The ride to work is quick, once I battle the streets of Bushwick for a piping hot coffee & BEC.

I text my groupchat the universal emoji of "I just got laid."

The chat explodes.

One friend replies, "Well. God damn. I never thought I'd see the day Tess gets laid."

Gee. Thanks guys.

It’s 8:30 by the time I sneak into my office. I’m tired and dehydrated but successfully on time. I sport a stupid smile on my face that evolves into a stupid grin when N text me around noon.

When I finally get home I run a bath, schedule STD testing in four weeks, and fall asleep with union jacks on my mind.

Lessons learned:

> Gelling with someone doesn’t inherently mean you’re friendzoned. You may just gel well from the start.

> I can do the casual sex thing!!!

> Rolled cigarettes might be my new vice.

Rating: 8.5

App: OKC

#KDD

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stephenmccull · 3 years

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Syphilis Cases in California Drive a Record-Setting Year for STDs Nationwide

In certain circles of San Francisco, a case of syphilis can be as common and casual as the flu, to the point where Billy Lemon can’t even remember how many times he’s had it.

This story is from a partnership that includes NPR, KQED and KHN. It can be republished for free.

“Three or four? Five times in my life?” he struggles to recall. “It does not seem like a big deal.”

At the time, about a decade ago, Lemon went on frequent methamphetamine binges, kicking his libido into overdrive and silencing the voice in his head that said condoms would be a wise choice at a raging sex party.

“It lowers your inhibitions, and also your decision-making abilities are skewed,” said Lemon, who is 50.

He’s sober now and runs the Castro Country Club in San Francisco — which is not a resort, but a place where gay men come to get help with addiction, especially meth. Lemon said syphilis comes with the territory.

“In the 12-step community, if meth was your thing, everybody had syphilis,” he said.

In 2000, syphilis rates were so low that public health officials believed eradication was on the horizon. But the rates started creeping up in 2001. From 2015 to 2019 alone, cases rose 74%. There were nearly 130,000 cases nationwide in 2019, according to data released Tuesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In California and the U.S., about half of syphilis cases are in men who have sex with men. More than a third of women in the West who have syphilis also use meth, which has surged in recent years. These are just some of the trends causing overall national cases of sexually transmitted diseases to hit an all-time high for the last six years in a row, reaching 2.5 million. And the consequences are now trickling down to babies, who are contracting syphilis from their mothers: Congenital syphilis rates nearly quadrupled between 2012 and 2019.

This was all before the coronavirus pandemic took hold in the U.S., and with contact tracers and testing supplies diverted from STDs to covid-19, the CDC is predicting 2020 numbers will be no better.

“We are quite worried about this and have seen this trend over time,” said Dr. Erica Pan, California’s state epidemiologist. “Unfortunately, with years of not having enough funding and infrastructure in public health, and then in this past year, of course, both at the local and state level, a lot of personnel who had been focusing on STDs and syphilis follow-up have really been redirected to the pandemic.”

There’s No Single Cause

Many factors have contributed to the rise of STDs, and syphilis in particular.

In San Francisco’s gay community, for example, the rise of mobile dating apps like Grindr and Tinder made finding a date “faster than getting pizza delivered to your home,” said Dan Wohlfeiler, an STD prevention specialist and co-founder of Building Healthy Online Communities, which uses these apps to improve gay men’s health.

When the dating apps first came on the scene around 2009, they made it harder for disease investigators to track the spread of STDs and notify people who may have been infected, because men don’t always know the names of the men they hook up with.

“They sometimes only know their online handle,” said Dr. Ina Park, associate professor at the medical school of the University of California-San Francisco and author of “Strange Bedfellows,” about the history of STDs. “And if the sex didn’t go well, then sometimes they will block the person from their app and they don’t even know how to reach that person again.”

Online dating began back in the late 1990s, around the same time effective medications to prevent the transmission of HIV became available: first, antiretrovirals that suppress the virus in those who are HIV-positive, and then later, in 2012, pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, which prevents new infections in people who are HIV-negative but considered at risk for contracting the virus.

With the risk of contracting a deadly disease falling to almost zero, condoms fell even more out of favor than they already were, said Park.

“If one man is taking PrEP and the other one is virally suppressed, there’s no HIV risk at all,” she said. “So why use condoms if you don’t mind having a touch of syphilis?”

Diagnosing Syphilis Is Tricky

While syphilis is not benign – it can cause blindness, deafness or brain damage — it is easy to treat. Typically, a shot of penicillin in the butt will cure it.

But diagnosing syphilis can be tricky, said Park, who treats patients with STDs at the San Francisco City Clinic. She often finds herself crouched low in the exam room, “lifting up their scrotum and lifting up their penis,” craning her head to get a look from all angles.

She does these gymnastics to find rashes associated with syphilis. Some are obvious, others subtle. She said doctors in regular family medicine clinics often aren’t trained on where to look, or when.

“The patient came in saying, ‘I’m tired,’” Park said, referring to a common symptom of syphilis. “How many people are going to say, ‘Take off your pants and lift up your scrotum. I want to look’? We only do that at the STD clinic because that’s what we do.”

But specialized public STD clinics, like the one where Park works, have been shutting down nationwide. One reason is persistent underfunding of public health programs, a trend laid bare during the pandemic. Another reason is the Affordable Care Act. In a strange way, the 2010 law, intended to expand access to health care, actually contributed to the closure of STD clinics.

“Honestly, I think everyone thought they weren’t going to be necessary,” Dr. Karen Smith said in 2019, when she was the director of the California Department of Public Health. She said that, once Obamacare was in place, the thought was that STD testing would happen in primary care clinics.

“We sort of all assumed that if you’ve got health insurance and you’ve got access to a doctor, that’s all that you need,” she said. “It turns out that that’s not really all that you need.”

People still had affairs they didn’t want to talk about with their family doctor. And some family doctors didn’t want to probe into patients’ sex lives. Young people, in particular, prefer clinics geared to them, out of their parents’ purview.

“That loss of anonymous care really was a problem,” Smith said.

The Syphilis Epidemic Reaches Babies, Too

When Christian Faulkenberry-Miranda decided to become a pediatrician, she never thought she’d become an expert in syphilis.

In 2010, shortly after finishing her medical training and starting work at Community Regional Medical Center in Fresno, California, she began seeing babies with a rash on their tummies that looked like a blueberry muffin. She thought it was a common viral infection, until these babies tested positive for syphilis.

In those early days, Dr. Faulkenberry-Miranda saw perhaps a few instances of congenital syphilis each year. Now she sees two cases every week. It’s important to start the 10-day antibiotic treatment right away, to avoid complications, but she still follows her patients through their first year of life, and often through childhood, to watch for vision and hearing problems, developmental delays, attention deficits and learning disabilities, all of which can result from congenital syphilis infections. In 2019, 128 cases resulted in stillbirth or neonatal death.

“The disappointing thing is that syphilis is very treatable,” she said. “This is something that’s completely preventable, with proper screening and treatment of these moms during pregnancy.”

Congenital syphilis cases hit a troubling milestone in 2019, reaching a high of 1,870 cases, an increase of 279% in five years. That is higher than the number of mother-to-child HIV cases at their peak in 1991.

“How could this be happening? Testing is cheap and widely available. The same treatment we’ve been using since the ’40s still works,” said Park, who has also seen an increase in congenital syphilis cases in San Francisco. “And yet we have this completely out-of-control epidemic among the most vulnerable babies in our society.”

Many of the women who give birth to babies with syphilis have had no prenatal care. They often use drugs — mainly methamphetamine — and are often homeless, said Smith, the former California public health director. This makes them more likely to trade sex for housing, food or drugs. Drug use, in particular, makes women less likely to recognize they’re pregnant at all, and less likely to seek health care if they do.

“They’re very concerned about what’s going to happen when they’re found to be pregnant and using drugs,” said Smith. “They’re concerned that their drug use will be reported and then … their children will be taken away.”

The complications of these women’s lives also make disease investigation and contact tracing very challenging. Veteran contact tracer Romni Neiman remembers the difficulty she has had tracking down pregnant women in her career. Neiman works for the CDC, and before she was redirected to covid last year, she worked on preventing STDs, including congenital syphilis, in California.

She remembers looking for one woman in the late ’80s in Chicago. The pregnant woman used drugs and had been exposed to syphilis. Her housing was so unstable that Neiman went to three places before finding her. The woman had no car, so Neiman offered to drive her to the clinic to get tested. The woman had no safe place to leave her toddler, because a man in the place she was staying was abusive, so Neiman took care of the child while the woman saw the doctor.

“She was just trying to do the best that she can, and she was really afraid,” Neiman recalled. “Sometimes it’s really taxing and really sad. And you come home at the end of the day and you’re like, ‘Wow. Wow.’”

Challenges like those, combined with persistent underfunding for public health, are what led to the initial spike in congenital syphilis in Fresno County in the 2010s, said Park. Local contact tracers couldn’t keep up, and the state had to step in with reinforcements.

The state is taking new measures to address the rates, said Pan, the state epidemiologist, like requiring women to be screened for syphilis twice during pregnancy instead of once. And, rather than wait for women to come in for prenatal care, the state is doing more outreach and screening pregnant women in the emergency room and in prisons and jails.

Pan believes the covid pandemic has created an opportunity to invest in a nimbler response to emerging and reemerging public health issues like syphilis.

“It’s been a really long, hard year responding to this pandemic, but people have really acknowledged and realized the impact of divesting in public health infrastructure,” she said. “I hope that a lot of the resources that we hope to bring to bear in the longer term after this pandemic will benefit STDs as well.”

This story is part of a partnership that includes KQED, NPR and KHN.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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gordonwilliamsweb · 3 years

Text

Syphilis Cases in California Drive a Record-Setting Year for STDs Nationwide

In certain circles of San Francisco, a case of syphilis can be as common and casual as the flu, to the point where Billy Lemon can’t even remember how many times he’s had it.

This story is from a partnership that includes NPR, KQED and KHN. It can be republished for free.

“Three or four? Five times in my life?” he struggles to recall. “It does not seem like a big deal.”

“It lowers your inhibitions, and also your decision-making abilities are skewed,” said Lemon, who is 50.

“In the 12-step community, if meth was your thing, everybody had syphilis,” he said.

In 2000, syphilis rates were so low, public health officials believed eradication was on the horizon. But the rates started creeping up in 2001. From 2015 to 2019 alone cases rose 74%. There were nearly 130,000 cases nationwide in 2019, according to data released Tuesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

This was all before the coronavirus pandemic took hold in the U.S., and with contact tracers and testing supplies diverted from STDs to covid-19, the CDC is predicting 2020 numbers will be no better.

There’s No Single Cause

Many factors have contributed to the rise of STDs, and syphilis in particular.

With the risk of contracting a deadly disease falling to almost zero, condoms fell even more out of favor than they already were, said Park.

“If one man is taking PrEP and the other one is virally suppressed, there’s no HIV risk at all,” she said. “So why use condoms if you don’t mind having a touch of syphilis?”

Diagnosing Syphilis Is Tricky

While syphilis is not benign – it can cause blindness, deafness or brain damage — it is easy to treat. Typically, a shot of penicillin in the butt will cure it.

“That loss of anonymous care really was a problem,” Smith said.

The Syphilis Epidemic Reaches Babies, Too

When Christian Faulkenberry-Miranda decided to become a pediatrician, she never thought she’d become an expert in syphilis.

In 2010, shortly after finishing her medical training and starting work at the Community Regional Medical Center in Fresno, California, she began seeing babies with a rash on their tummies that looks like a blueberry muffin. At first she thought it was a common viral infection, until these babies tested positive for syphilis.

Congenital syphilis cases hit a troubling milestone in 2019, reaching a high of 1,870 cases, an increase of 279% in five years. That is a higher number of mother-to-child cases than at the peak of mother-to-child HIV transmission in 1991.

“She was just trying to do the best that she can, and she was really afraid,” Neiman remembers. “Sometimes it’s really taxing and really sad. And you come home at the end of the day and you’re like, ‘Wow. Wow.’”

Pan believes the covid pandemic has created an opportunity to invest in a more nimble response to emerging and reemerging public health issues like syphilis.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

Syphilis Cases in California Drive a Record-Setting Year for STDs Nationwide published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #51

“i’m unashamed, i’m gonna show my scars.”

have you ever been confused about your sexuality? yes, but i am perfectly aware it was only due to my anxiety and this repetitive thought cycle i used to have. i was afraid i was bisexual, despite having no traits of one. yet i was still afraid. thank GOD that eventually stopped. have you ever tried drugs? no. do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? i'm TRYING to put myself first. what's your sexuality? heterosexual, some asexual traits. have you ever liked someone else while you were in a relationship? no. what is your favorite card game? "magic: the gathering." i don't FULLY understand it, but i play "duels of the planeswalkers" on my ps3 sometimes, where i understand all the cards. i can't really play it much tho. ptsd trigger. have you ever lived on a university campus? no when was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? idk really. do you “binge-watch” tv shows? not since jason's and my "sherlock" days. do you play any games on your phone? only "pokemon go" when was the last time you wore something totally inappropriate for the weather? does this happen often? i do it all the time. i wear flip-flops in the winter and will usually not wear a jacket unless my mom forces me. if you could dye your hair any color (and have it look good/professional), what color would you pick? GRAY. mom won't let me, though. have you ever liked someone and they were taken? yeah. now. have you ever read the book thirteen reasons why? yup. are you more of a studs or hoops type of person when it comes to earrings? studs, generally. are you on good terms with your last ex? not really, no. have you ever received a teddy bear? no. lol funny, i was just talking the other day at wal-mart how just ONCE, i want a guy to get me one of those big teddy bears. which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? scream. childhood fear. are you proud of your parents? in some areas yes, others, no. someone removes you from their facebook friends and then tries to add you again … do you ignore them, or accept? accept. what would you say if your best friend came to you and said she was pregnant? oh my gosh, i'd be overjoyed. she's been trying for a baby for so long now, and she has to see someone about fertility if she and bradley don't get pregnant by next month. to make matters worse, i inadvertently found out ectopic pregnancies occur most often in people who have endometriosis, which she as. i'd never dare tell her that, but i'm so worried that'll happen to her or she just won't be fertile at all... who is the most attractive person of the opposite sex that you know? that i know personally? jason. what would you consider unforgivable? rape. what are your views on spontaneous human combustion? i don't really know... i mean aren't there cases where officials were pretty sure the situation truly was spontaneous combustion? i mean i guess, theoretically, it could happen. do you enjoy fishing? yes!! i love the peace and quiet, and feeling one with the fish on the rod is so cool. the last piece of roadkill you saw,what kind of animal was it? a fox, i believe. does your hair have layers? yep. what’s on your mind right now? jason. i wrote him a six-page letter last night; my mom's going to give it to him today. it's his 23rd birthday. bats: cute or gross? SOOOO FUCKING CUTE!!! have you watched any good horror / thriller movies lately? the new "blair witch" was pretty good, but it left a few open ends. what are your opinions on the song you're currently listening to? absolutely adore it. "breath" by breaking benjamin. what is something that people in your family tend to do a lot that irritates you? uhhh... idk. everyone in my family's different. what do you wish you had more knowledge about? basic survival skills, like what settings to put the washing machine on, etc. name a song you listen to when your upset/angry/sad? i mean, lots. but one of my go-tos for a bad mood is "fuck u" by archive what would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? i'd like to think i'd say no, and i honestly think i would, but with how this day's going, who the fuck knows what i'd say. i want an escape from this feeling. are you tired from last night? did you stay up late last night at all? holy shit, yes. i stayed up until almost four typing up a letter to jason. there's more things i need to say to him. i really hope he reads it... do you have soft hands? do you like holding hands? yes and it depends on whether or not your hands are clammy or not. i miss jason's hands. they were so soft and warm. have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? if so, what on? yes, on rice that just came off the stove. do you like to have cake on your birthday? which kind of cake in mind? i want a doughnut cake. if you met your 12 year old self, right now, what do you think they'd think of you? she'd be... so disappointed. would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships? no. what is your favorite song lyric? "i'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck," because it makes me think of jason. that's so me. he could just... do anything, i guess, and i'd still love him. i promised. are you comfortable with who you are? have you accepted who you are? no. i'm a failure that's in love with a man who'll never love her back. i gave away the key to my happiness, and it's not something he can just give back. what’s something you would say to an ex right now? just wrote him six pages worth of shit last night. i really hope he reads it. did you ever collect any sort of cards? pokemon cards, somewhat. do you consider yourself pretty? i think i could be if i wasn't so fat. have you ever been diagnosed with anything unexpected, mental or physical illness? how did you finally find out? i have mental illnesses, but i expected them all, so. when i had a cyst, that was unexpected, though. does your mom like the last person you kissed? she's very confused with him, as am i. she doesn't understand why he just so suddenly had had enough with me. she spites him for how much pain he's caused me, but who knows, really. how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? none. are you currently in love right now? i know so. i wouldn't be going through all this hell for jason if i wasn't. in that letter i mentioned i wrote to jason, i actually talked about this. talked about the difference of loving and being in love: whether or not you'd accept a person's gradual changes in life. and i obviously have, as i haven't seen him in a year, and i still love him. last time you had anal sex? (if ever) never. the concept is really gross. do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it? no. just wanting something isn't enough. have you ever learned any self-defense? if not, would you be interested in learning? no, and i guess so. it'd be wise. what is your favorite soundtrack for a film/video game/television show? (though feel free to name as many!) the "shadow of the colossus" soundtrack!! have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? no, actually. have you ever done yoga? i used to do yoga on a daily basis on the wii fit. lost 40 pounds. have you ever had to block anyone online? yup. ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? HMMMM, I DON'T KNOW, AM I, JASON?? how exactly do you feel right now? what's on your mind? i feel sad. i feel disappointed in myself. don't ask how my brain got to this point, but i just realized something about myself: if jason came back, i'm almost certain i'd leave my abstinence behind. and look, anyone who knows me knows i am so serious about my celibacy until marriage. i'm so proud of it, to have accomplished it during a passionate, long-term relationship. but... i'm staring to second-guess it. is it truly, really worth it? should jason and i have just had sex anyway while we were together? let's all be adults here: sex is supposed to be a very passionate display of affection, at least to me; i don't believe sex can be casual. and, well, i wish i could've shared that with jason. i don't give a fuck who my future husband's gonna be, i highly doubt i'd regret giving my virginity to the first person i ever loved, because i will always love him. i wish, i wish, i'd let jason know that part of me. and yeah, i know "but the bible says premarital sex is bad!", well, it says a lot of stuff is bad, but all that was forgiven by the coming of jesus, yada yada. it's not entirely clear what old rules remain intact in the new testament. like... what if i've been believing an old testament rule this whole time? that'll be funny. but anyway, i'm just... remorseful right now. i mean, jason even got tested for stds for me. he was clean. so on a physical level, us having sex wouldn't have risked the spread of disease, which is another, if not the prime, reason i chose abstinence. ugh. i'm so split right now. why am i even worrying about this, it's not like he's going to come back anyway. are you a heavy drinker? no. i don't like the taste of alcohol, so i don't drink a lot, anyway. do you own many pairs of shorts? i don't own any. is there a situation you currently feel hopeless about? *"welcome to my life" plays in the distance* when was the last time you sang out loud to yourself? ha ha a few minutes ago. backstreet boys came on. is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? that's totally megadeth. i personally think dave is an atrocious singer, yet i like it at the same time...? when was the last time you wore earrings? now! i had such a rough morning, so colleen tried to cheer me up before work. she told me to get all pretty, to treat myself. so i did! i put on makeup, got on some clothes that actually fit. i even put on my new ruby ring and put earrings into my lobes! do you enjoy going through old pictures? sometimes. occasionally the nostalgia is too much. when’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? probably this morning when i told colleen i wrote jason another letter... which compliment do you receive the most? people call my hair pretty. do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? nope. we ALL judge people somewhat. have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? plenty of times. i was honestly into hickeys. i think biting can be romantic. think of your last kiss, was it good? jason's italian, baby. boy knows how to kiss. what side of a heart do you draw first? left plan on getting married? yes. i'm christian so don't believe in dating if you're not interested in eventually marrying that person. do you believe everyone needs a second chance? not everyone, honestly. some people are beyond redemption. be honest, do you like people in general? as a general statement? no. do you want your tongue pierced? i do, but mom is really trying to convince me not to. they're dangerous for your teeth, and besides, i have a metal retainer on the back of my bottom teeth, and that can really get fucked up. i'm probably still gonna do it, tho. should the guy always pay for the date? no. personally, i believe whoever planned the date should pay. where do you hope to live when you’re older and settled? on the western side of nc. in the woods, preferably. do you read the bible? honestly, not as much as i should. do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? FUCKING YES. do not abuse a mental illness!!! ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? what was it for? yes, because something was wrong with my liver. turned out being okay. what bands are you into? mostly heavy metal bands, both old and new. do your parents wish you were more successful? sigh. i'm sure they do. have you ever been interrupted during sex? during foreplay, yeah. sex, no. has a dentist ever screwed up on anything when working on you? yeah, actually. while flossing me, this damn dentist went WAAAAAY up there into my gums and formed a deep pocket. now i can't floss that spot without flinching. whose house, other than yours and your families, are you most comfortable at? colleen's. have you ever been on the honor roll? all the way from elementary through high school. do you ever read things you wrote as a kid? what were you like? OH MY GOSH I'D NEVER I WAS CHEESY AF how do you feel about people your age having children? personally, i think 20 is a bit too young, but just barely. it's not a big deal if you feel you're ready, as your body, by age 20, is, too. do you think it’s possible for an 18 year old to be ready to get married? sure. some people meet the "perfect" partner at a young age. how do you wear or style your hair most often? i don't really style it. it's parted on the left side of my head, so my hair swoops over my forehead and rests on my glasses. how many instruments do you own/have you owned? flute and electric guitar for or against guyliner? omg sexy af do you believe exes can be friends? if you were actually in love with each other, absolutely not. did you pull a senior prank? no, because i fancied graduating. have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? no, and i never would be. what do your parents think about piercings and tattoos? do you agree with them? both my parents are iffy with piercings, but each allowed us (my sisters and i) to make our own choices with them. tattoos, i personally think my mom's more open towards, so long they're not stupid. judging by my dad's reaction when i told him i had tattoos, dad's very iffy with them. do you watch any anime? what genres do you enjoy? yeah, mostly horror-oriented stuff. my fave's "fullmetal alchemist" (+"brotherhood"). i looove "deadman wonderland." i watched some of "death note" and "black butler," but i didn't get into it. do you have plans for today? yeah. go to colleen's to print out jason's letter (we have no ink at home), then probably go to jason's job to give it to him. i think i'm going to go in... which is such a gamble. that might be the death of me. if he's not at work, then we'll drive to my house so mom can go drop it off at his house, because i don't think i'd survive even pulling up into his driveway. after that, i may or may not spend the night with colleen. anything special about today? yeah. it's jason's 23rd birthday. happy birthday, my love. do you think home schooled kids are weird? of course not. i do, however, believe that they usually are a bit socially deprived. school is such an important part of a child's life, and is really where they learn so many social skills. do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings? mom has her ears pierced do you feel comfortable in a bikini? not anymore whatsoever. do you believe humans should have the option to be euthanized? i really don't know. have you ever played magic: the gathering? yes, when jason and i were dated. it's one of his passions. he's so cute when he geeks out over it. do you want to have a bachelor / bachelorette party before you get married? i mean, i guess? i don't really know what you do at bachelorette parties? would you ever get a name tattooed on you? no, not even my child's. what’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? miracle and maxwell how old are you? how old do you act? i'm 20, about to be 21, and sometimes i act older, sometimes younger. when was the last time you ate a banana? like, two, three months? i stopped eating them because they gave me hellish heartburn, always. like, so bad i wanted to cry. have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? oh. my. gosh. ya'll, yes. after i joined christianmingle, i was curious, so checked it out. I HAD NO MATCHES. is there a girl that you truly hate? i think it's genuine hate, but i know i shouldn't feel that way. it's not like she's ever directly done anything to me. i don't even know her, only her name. i'm childish to spite her so heavily just for dating jason, but dammit, he's mine. do you own a strapless bra? no. generally not a good idea for someone with d-sized boobs. the ladies will fall out, let's be real. have you ever had a piercing get infected? yeah. yuck. band that you really want to see in concert? i think more than anyone, i want to go see metallica with my mom. they're one of my faves, and my mom, holy shit, they're like mortal gods to her. i know she'd cry at one of their concerts. she'd be overjoyed, and that'd make me happy. which baby animal is your favorite? meerkats, once they get more fur and open their eyes. would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? thought about it a few times, actually. however, i have the side of my nose pierced, and i don't think that plus the septum piercing looks good. i mean yeah, i could take out the piercing i have, but i think i like it better. i still look at septum piercings on pinterest sometimes tho lol gay marriage: love is love or a horrible stand against god? i honestly think it's fine. i didn't for most of my life, but i came to realize i was wrong. and besides, jesus says nothing negative about homosexuals. in fact, there is one statement he says that in our modern language, is understood to say some people are simply born that way. however, the word used has multiple meanings, so. fun fact, most of the old testament, their rules are for the jewish. jesus' coming and crucifixion forgave the sins of the old testament. do you cuss? yes, because i don't believe in "curse" words. who’s your celebrity crush? link neal fuck me pls did you have a furby when you were younger? haha omg yes if you had a baby girl, what would you name her? ALESSANDRA "ALICE" QUINN YES YES YES VERY GOOD if you had a baby boy, what would you name him? i'm stuck between the names "vincent" and "luther," so idk. what part of your body are you self-conscious about? most self-conscious about? my stomach. i have stretch marks on it now, and it just... grosses me out. i used bio-oil while we had it and it helped, but it costs about a hundred bucks, so we haven't been able to afford it again. now i use a coconut cream or something like that, and i don't think it does much. i also hate my inner thighs, which also have stretch marks. my right leg is especially bad, because my laptop burned the design of them into the flesh to where they're a brown, obvious color. ugh.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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justscreamingnothing · 5 years

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Dream Life

I don’t know if I’ll ever live the life I thought I would in my early twenties, a mix of the lives of sex and the city characters and any teen movie where in I’m free to do whatever I want all the time an somehow have the money and resources to do things and I’m young and hot and irresistible and think for myself and just have all these opportunities presented to me at the right time. Like, sure, no one actually has that life but god wouldn’t it be good to? So here’s my dream life:

I’m super hot but not in an extremely obvious everyone-is-constantly-hitting-on-me way because that would get old after a while. No, Dream Life Me is approachable but once you get to know me you start to see my features in a new light and realize how gorgeous I am. I have a killer sense of fashion but am always comfortable (and that includes being comfortable in my body.) Also that “you clean up nice” trope where its like yeah I was attractive the whole time but when I make an effort to look traditionally attractive nice it blows everyone’s expectations out of the water.

So, because I’m just so damn hot, I attract a lot of people, my looks bait them but my personality reels them in. Because of this I have a lot of friends and acquaintances. Some of them are bohemian type indie artists and some of them are people in high places but all of them are cool as shit and I have a good rapport with every single last one. This is the type of shit that if someone says “I need an ice cream truck to go to the next town over for an event I’m doing asap!” I can simple reply “Don’t worry- I know someone that owes me a favor” all coy and people always wonder just how it is I know so many damn people that I genuinely have a connection with and I shrug casually and keep an air of mystery about it. Although I have a rich and interesting outer circle I have an even richer inner circle, (about 5 or so people) the type of friends that just trust each other explicitly. Not only can we talk about anything knowing we’ll all be comfortable with whatever one of us has decided to reveal, we’re also not at all afraid to be vulnerable around each other. We have no fear that the others will laugh at us, or make fun of us, or not care; no one will walk away. There’s no fear that bringing up a topic or an issue is going to split the friend group and damage our bond. We lay all of our cards out on the table and everyone listens and understands. We communicate if we feel left out, cheated, unheard, or otherwise uncomfortable with something. No one thinks they know me exactly or makes assumptions about me because they think they’ve got me exactly figured out. We all have common likes and interests and no one is shy about sharing their projects because we all support each other. We plan trips (which we love doing) and the planning goes smoothly because everyone has one thing that they’re really good at planning so we all take our roles and make the trip easier for everyone. Also everyone is in this to have a good time so there’s never discontent or attitude during these trips. We make memories together and everyone has a genuinely good time. We all have each others backs, like oh you need me right now? Bet. I’ll be there in five minutes. You need help moving? I’ll clear my calendar. You’re sad? Hit me up real quick and we’ll talk it out. You feel lonely? I’ll be there to hug you and remind you what love feels like. There’s no secretly disliking each other, no annoyance, no attitude, none of that. We love each other and there’s no embarrassment at all from any of us because we know how each of us feels. No one feels left out, no one gets left out, and there’s no fear that there’s one person holding us all together because we’re all close to one another.

Next item is my relationship life. So I definitely have a very active sex life but not in a I-can’t-remember-the-last-person-I-slept-with-omg-i-might-have-an-std kind of way, I know the people I sleep with, I just sleep with a lot of them. I’m out pretty often (y’know, when I’m in the mood) and I’m just slinging dick all over town. My sex life is passionate and interesting. There is no lack of intimacy, no touch starvation. I can easily and confidently approach people because I know and understand my value and people are just drawn to me either way. People close to me find it hard to keep track of the things I’ve done because I’ve done soooo many things. Orgies? Check. Pegging? Check. Dom? Check. I don’t know, wild fun shit, I’m out here doing it. I’m Samantha Jones in this bitch. And it’s not to fill some sort of empty void, I do it when I want and when I don’t want I find it fairly easy to refrain. I date multiple people at the same time (they are all aware that we’re not exclusive of course) and when I find a person to be exclusive with, I am able to leave the other ones. We date for a while and I realize I still have years left of being a free bird so we let go of each other but we’re always on each other’s minds because we know we’re gonna find each other in the end. There’s no lack of love or intimacy in my life, I do all this but don’t feel empty, in fact I feel very full.

My personality is pretty much the same but I’m not an overthinker and people actually pay attention to me. Those friends and relationships from earlier? They listen to me, they think what I say is valuable. They respect me and care for me. They think I’m funny and nice and like to be around me. No one finds me annoying and I never get that awful feeling of being “too much” when I share. People like and respect me as I am in all facets of my life, friendships, relationships, familial connections, and professional ties. Added bonus people I love secretly record me doing stupid shit because they find it so cute. I’m a laugh but people take me seriously when I’m serious. I can just be myself with people without fear of rejection.

My career is taking off- in about a thousand different directions. I’m involved in a lot of creative projects, I’m the lead in my passion project. The people around me don’t want to take advantage me, but rather see and understand my talent and want me to reach as high as I can. People appreciate my ideas and contributions and take them into serious consideration. I’m surrounded by people I like in a professional setting too and I feel comfortable knowing I can work with a lot of gay people and poc. I work on a project and find it extremely rewarding, I’m able to finish things and don’t mind working hard long hours because I end up being very proud of the project. The people I work with are cool and creative and don’t have a big ego and bring their own thing to the table, they are able to enhance the project just by adding their talent. I can finish a project and take a month long vacation if I want (which I sometimes do just to be able to work a little on other things and see the world.) None of my friends work a shitty job they hate that don’t bring them any fulfillment. Sure we’re all starting out, but we’re financially secure and not miserable every single day of our lives.

We live free lives, where we are encouraged to be ourselves, to discover ourselves, to deconstruct and then remake ourselves. We are independent, free to do what we want when we want with minimal consequences or judgement. Our lives and a seemingly never ending haze of happiness and sunshine and fun and sex and parties and intimacy and silly dances and crazy choices and quiet peaceful nights and love. My life has an abundance of love and all of it is reciprocated and all of it feels earned and right.

#dream life #fucking reading this made me realize how insecure i am in my friendships #which is...haha not cute #not cute at all #anyway this aint all realistic but i guess thats why its a dream life #friendships and relationships with no insecurities? its a lot to expect honestly #but damn when is my life gonna be a tv show already #og post #reminder april 4 2019 #also this is all extremely personal and catered exactly to me so

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russellthornton · 5 years

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What to Text a Guy after a Hookup: The Right Text for Every Occasion

Just had a one night stand… Now what? Do you like him? What is your end game? What you want tells you what to text a guy after a hookup.

The question used to be, how long should a guy wait before calling a girl after getting her number? But, with technology taking over our lives and our smartphones being glued to our hands, it is now about what to text a guy after a hookup. And it seems to be the ladies’ turn to reach out first.

But, what do you say? Do you say you had a great time or just be casual? Do you ask him to Venmo you the money for your early morning Uber?

What do you want after a hookup?

Before deciding what exactly to text a guy after a hookup, decide what you want from him. You don’t want to say you would love to see him again if you plan on ghosting him next week. And you don’t want to be too casual if you want to see him on a more regular basis.

So, deciding what your plan is will make deciding what to say a whole lot easier. [Read: How to enjoy the freedom of being single]

Did you have a good time? Did you just need a good night and that’s all? Do you want to be FWB *friends-with-benefits*? Do you want to start dating?

Try to think about how you truly feel after the hookup and go from there. Before you can be honest with him, you need to be honest with yourself.

Even if he is a nice guy, if the hookup was bad you may want to move on. But, it could have been a fluke thing, maybe he had an off night and you want to give it another go?

You don’t want to go into texting after a hookup without having at least a few answers to these sorts of questions. Or else you could tell him you’ll meet him at Applebee’s tonight without having any intention of actually doing so. [Read: Tinder hookup essentials – 11 must-know steps for the perfect hookup]

What to text a guy after a hookup when you want to see him again

Out of all the things you could text a guy after a hookup, wanting to continue seeing him is the hardest. What if you text him and he doesn’t text you back? What if he doesn’t want to see you? There is so much doubt that goes into that text, but if you know exactly what to say, you can remain calm, cool, and collected.

#1 “I can’t stop thinking about…” Your lips, the bread from dinner, etc. This will remind him of how much fun you had together and hopefully encourage him to ask you out again.

#2 “Last night was great, we should do it again.” Bring up a second date yourself. Why not? Just get it all out there at once. Why not go all in and take the risk? Instead of making your way through small talk see if he wants to see you again now. Why waste any time? [Read: How to ask a guy out over text]

#3 Nothing. Wait for him to reach out. This is not a game. And as much as I would like to say if you want to text him text him, just wait it out for a day or two. Then you can reach out with a funny meme or GIF, but if he wants to see you, he will reach out. [Read: 13 tweaks while texting a guy to make him want a lot more]

What to text a guy after a hookup when you want to end it

Awkward! You hooked up and you are not interested. Maybe he just wasn’t your speed or you just went in wanting one steamy night. Whatever your reasons, you can’t just leave him hanging, so, here are some things to text a guy after a hookup when you want to say goodbye.

#1 “Last night was great, but I’m not looking for anything serious.” Just be completely and totally straight forward. Most likely he will appreciate your honesty, move on, and just be happy he got to hook up with you at all.

Worst case, he gets upset and lashes out as guys tend to do, then you can ghost. I give you permission. You don’t owe him anything but the truth. After that, it is up to him. [Read: 10 scenarios when it’s okay to be a ghoster]

#2 “That was a great one night stand.” Instead of going into this whole long monologue about how you don’t want to settle down and how he is great but you don’t see it working, just leave it plain and simple. If he catches on quickly he will likely say, yea it was, and you are in the clear.

#3 “Thanks again for the other night, it was great meeting you.” Sure, this sounds like what you would say in an email to someone you had a business meeting with, but if you have no intention of seeing this person again, especially not in a romantic way, what’s the big deal?

What to text a guy after a hookup when you’re just not sure

So, you hooked up but don’t really know what you want moving forward. You don’t want to end it, but you don’t want to date exclusively. You don’t want to give this guy the wrong idea, but you don’t even really know what you want. So, what are you supposed to text a guy after a hookup when you just aren’t sure.

#1 “Thanks for the ride ;).” Keep it light and fun. When you aren’t sure where you see things going, keep it casual. I am a big believer in being upfront and communicating, but after one hookup you can still be flip-flopping about your feelings.

Hang out again without a big conversation about where things are going and see how you feel then. For right now, keep having fun.

#2 “The other night was great, I hope it’s okay if we keep things casual.” On the flip side, just come right out with it. Let him know that you had a good time but aren’t sure what your plans are. This way he goes in knowing you aren’t ready to start dating seriously and he can tell you what he wants. [Read: How to find and enjoy casual sex]

Who has the time to wait around?

#3 “Want to come over?” Just keep things going as per usual. Instead of going out on elaborate and fancy dates, keep things laid back. Netflix and chill does not imply commitment, so just feel things out as they are until it is too weird not to talk about it.

What NOT to text a guy after a hookup

#1 “I never do that.” Do not apologize for hooking up. There is nothing for you to be sorry for. You are a sexual being and you should celebrate that. If he thinks you’re easy or you’re afraid he will disrespect you from now on, forget him.

He isn’t worth your time. Hooking up with someone without a plan is nothing to be ashamed of. Own your sexuality.

#2 “I think I left my _____ at your place.” Your keys, your retainer, your diaphragm, whatever, just don’t do this. This is a time-honored tradition that needs to die. Leaving something at his place as an excuse to see each other again is juvenile and not nearly as subtle as you think it is.

If you want to see him again, tell him. You don’t need to leave something behind on purpose. You are better than that. [Read: The dreaded after sex call – do’s and don’ts]

#3 “I’m pregnant.” Obviously, if you are pregnant that is up to you, but do NOT say it as a joke. This may be a no-brainer for some, but I have heard from multiple guys that girls have done this. WHAT?

Just don’t. Do not joke about STDs or being pregnant, it is not funny. No matter your reasoning, this is always in bad taste. There are about a billion other jokes you could tell after a hookup.

[Read: How to make him want more after a one night stand]

I hope you figured out what to text a guy after a hookup so you can move on in whichever direction you so choose.

The post What to Text a Guy after a Hookup: The Right Text for Every Occasion is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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