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#I’m so used to shutting up and not talking about things that I don’t even know how anymore
bisexualiteaa · 3 days
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Domestic Serenity
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Soft Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x Fem reader
Synopsis: You and Cooper return to your settlement you set up, it being the closest thing you could call a home on those harsh days in the sun and from the rad storms. After too many close run it’s lately out in the wastelands, Cooper comes home from the market to appreciate the closest thing you guys have to a post apocalyptic little slice of domestic life and show you how much he cares about you.
CW: Smut MDNI! Slight OOC Cooper, slight deviance from the show, oral (fem receiving) dirty talk, established relationship, unprotected sex, p in v, irradiated cream pie, p0rn w/o plot, reader has a southern accent, Cooper being a perv, Cooper makes a few crews jokes and one liners to reader
AN: so I’m relatively new to Fallout lore and such, but the hubby and I finished the Fallout TV series a week or so ago and like most others, Cooper Howard’s got me in a grip tighter than his lasso. 😮‍💨 Please be gentle, I pulled a little from Fallout 4 and the TV series in a meshing that I thought felt right. This is briefly proofread but I’m still new to all things Fallout but I hope I did our cowboy justice and I hope y’all enjoy!
You were doing laundry for the day in your house, or better yet, what you could call a house these days, at the little settlement you set up for you and Cooper to live, and some houses for a good few other people you’d met along the way to make it into a nice small town. There was plenty of food to go around from the growing gardens, fresh, clean water, some electricity to keep the gates protected from raiders and things of the like, but also for some street lights at night. It was like a nice little slice of life before the war, or the closest you could get to it anymore anyway, it was peaceful.
It was a particularly sweltering hot day outside, hotter than usual as the sun beat down on the sand, and your skin when you’d step foot outside for even just a few minutes. “Shew, it’s hotter than hell outside” you exclaim, feeling the rush of the hot air that funneled in when Cooper set foot through the door. You were thankful to have chosen a pair of shorts and a tank top to wear out of your small selection of other clothes when you woke up this morning. “Don’t half mind it. Means I get to watch you pad around the house in them lil’ shorts you got on” Cooper said as he shut the door finally, then dropped his saddlebag and things off at his feet, having just come back from a run to the market to grab the essentials like RadAway, Rad-X, Stimpacks and some other chems and things here and there to keep handy for when you both set back out on your travels. You heard his boots clomp heavily against the floor as he drug himself inside, his eyes traveling your figure as you were washing some clothes in a wash bin, watching you bend over and your ass shake a little when you would scrub hard enough at some stains. He gave a crude whistle at the sight, one you were used to him using as a form of expressing that he liked something, making a small grin stretch to your lips. “Somethin’ tells me you’d make one hell of a sexy housewife” he said, coming behind you and tapping your ass playfully to get you to stand back up. You gave a chuckle before swatting at his hands as you turned to face him, making him only grin wider. “Don’t threaten me with a good time. Although I’d miss wanderin’ the desert with you and all the shit we get up to” you said with a grin, putting the rag you had in hand over your shoulder as he stepped closer. “Like annoyin’ the piss outta me and stealin’ my kills?” He asked playfully, putting his hands gently on your hips to pull you into a kiss. You giggled in response as you put your hands against his chest to keep him close. “You love watchin’ me kill things with that big ol’ gun’a mine” you said in between kisses, making him hum in agreement with you, or maybe it was a groan at the thought because you were right, the sexiest thing to him was seeing you with a gun in hand, cocking it back after taking down raiders, roaches, scorpions, or whatever your target may be, with the confidence you do. He loved the excited “oh yeah!” Or “booyah!” You’d say to yourself afterwards too in celebration before you’d both rummage through whatever it was you downed. “Oh I absolutely do. Like it even better when it ain’t my bounties you’re droppin’ there, lil’ missy” he quipped, making you giggle again as he tapped your hip with his gloved hand before parting from you to let you get back at what you were doing. Also to watch you bend over some more, can’t restrain a dog once it’s loose. “Just be a quicker shot honey bun, then it won’t be a problem!” You joked, twirling the rag that was over your shoulders in your hands to wind it tight before cracking it against his ass, making him turn his head to look at you from over his shoulder all slow and intimidating like. “Oh it’s like that now, is it?” He asked, turning towards you some more, making you flash him a wide, deviant smile, knowing exactly what you did and that you’d likely be paying the consequences for it here in a few seconds. “Maybe it is! Whatchya gon’ do ‘bout it?” You asked with a widening grin the closer he got.
Before he gave you an answer, he picked you up, placing you over his shoulder with ease. You yelped playfully as he did, still sometimes surprised by the strength he carried before laughing as you started to wiggle in his grasp. “Fix that lil attitude of yours ya got goin’ on” he said, tapping his hand against your ass again, making you only laugh more as he started to walk out of the kitchen away from your chores. “Cooper! I was in the middle of somethin’ there, put me down!” You ordered through your relentless giggles as he continued to walk, almost slow at this point to torment you. “No can do sweetheart. Not ‘til you’ve nicened up” he said as he brought you to the bedroom and threw you on the bed but not too harshly. Just enough to see you bounce and hear you laugh. “I was in the middle of laundry! Your shirts’ll get all starchy an’ stiff if I don’t do it a certain way” you said, sitting up some and getting ready to get up but he sat down with you, which stopped you. He gave you a grin as he looked at the way your thighs were squeezed by the legs of your shorts, and how short they were sitting on you. “My shirts ain’t the only thing gettin’ stiff, I can tell ya that much” he said, making you swat at him once more as he gave a raspy laugh at your blush and facial expression in reaction. “You fiend. You ever thinkin’ with that head on your shoulders? Or just the one in your pants?” You asked with a smirk, knowing all too well the answer to that question, not that you minded one bit either. “I think we both know they’re about the same, I ain’t ever seen you complain about it” he said, making you chuckle as he leaned in and pulled you into another soft, loving kiss that you knew was going to lead to something much more. “Not one bit” you replied between kisses as his hands rested on your hips once more, giving you a nice squeeze while also doing what he could to keep you as close as he could get. He always had his hands on you in some way, sometimes in a suggestive way, but most times in a protective manner. He had to show the others and everyone out there in the commonwealth that no one fucks with, or gets between him and his girl. “C’mon take a break, laundry can wait. I ain’t seen you all day” he said, and he always did have a way with words that made you weak. “Only if ya promise me you won’t get mad if your shirts get stiff” you said, making him laugh. “I don’t give two shits about how them shirts feel, I just need you” he replied, making you smile as that happy twinkle came to your eyes, and gosh how they lit up every time you saw him. “Then I suppose the laundry can wait” you said with a soft giggle as he started to climb over top of you as you laid back against the bed again. Your hair fanned out around you against the pillows like a halo, your eyes half lidded as you looked up at him expectantly with those siren eyes he swore turned his mind into a frenzy. You smiled up at him with those pretty white teeth before he kissed you, feeling his hands wander your frame over your tank top and moving downward as your arms looped around him to pull him closer.
Your one hand removed his large hat, placing it off to the side as the kiss grew more heated, your tongues tangling in a fight for dominance with one another, a battle which he won. You moaned into it as one of his hands slipped beneath your tank top, surprisingly free of his gloves as he groped one of your breasts, tweaking your nipple between his forefinger and thumb. “Let’s get this off’a you” he said, bringing your tank top up and over your head then tossing it to the side to be forgotten until later, trailing his kisses down your neck to your chest that now laid bare and exposed to the air. You were always a sight to behold to him, no matter how many times you had sex, or how many times he’d just seen you naked or even half naked, he considered himself lucky that you chose him. When he looked at you, everything felt right in the world again, even out in desolate wasteland. When you looked at him, you looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky, like he was your whole world, and he was. “My beautiful lady” he complimented before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, working his tongue and thin cracked lips along it as he toyed with the other in his fingers, being sure to give them both the love they deserved. You moaned as he did, your back keening up off the mattress some at his touch. It had been a while since the last time you two had a chance to have sex, so needless to say you were more than receptive to his touches. You shut your eyes as your head fell back against the pillow, soft moans leaving your throat as he switched treatments, leaving behind nice little hickeys as a reminder of who you belonged to. You bit your lip and casted your gaze down onto him as you felt his lips begin to trail down your chest to your stomach, before he was resting between your legs. “Much as I like these, don’t think you’ll be needin’ ‘em right now” he said, unbuttoning and sliding his fingers into the waistband of your shorts before tugging them down and off from you, tossing them aside as haphazardly as he did with your top. His eyes delighted him when he saw you lying before him in lace, a commodity that’s damn hard to come by these days, making him whistle before making another sound of satisfaction at the sight. “And you were just gonna let this stay hidden? You’re like unwrappin’ a present” he said, making you giggle as he was careful with them as he slid them off you, but tossed them aside all the same. “You’re enough to make a man like me go feral darlin’, ya know that?” He said, making you chuckle once more. “Gettin’ you t’ act a fool is my favorite pass time” you replied, making him chuckle before he placed one of your legs over his shoulder, laying teasing butterfly kisses to your inner thigh that trailed slowly down to your aching cunt.
“Thought I’d pick up some RadAway while I was down at the market today for ya, that way I can give ya what you’ve been wantin’” he said as he sheathed himself fully inside, giving you a moment to breathe and accommodate to his size and the intrusion. You gave a happy little gasp that made him give a dark chuckle in response. “How romantic” you said teasingly but you were truly warmed by it, a bright smile on your face that joined with the blush that came from him already prodding at the apex of your cervix. “Anythin’ for you sweetheart. Besides, be a real shame if this sweet ass a yours looked like mine because of my doin’” he said, making you laugh. “Oh hush you, you’re mighty fine in my book” you said, pulling him into a soft sweet kiss. “For a cowpoke anyway” you added to tease, earning a sharp snap of his hips against yours in retaliation, making a loud moan leave your lips. “Wanna try that again, darlin’?” He asked, making you blush a bit brighter. “Was just kiddin’, shit. But if that’s what I gotta do t’ get ya t’ be rough with me, might just have to get on all them nerves of yours” you responded, making him smirk down at you, god he loved that attitude and humor you always about you, it’s one of the things that kept him going through all this. “If you want rough, all ya gotta do is ask. Fair warning, I don’t play nice when I do” he said, snapping his hips once more to hit deep inside of you, making your back arch up off the mattress once more. “Fuck, don’t want you to play nice. Want you t’ fuck me like you hate me” you said, making him chuckle as he quickly pulled out, making you whine at the loss of contact before you were abruptly rolled onto your stomach and his hand reached into your hair to pull your body into a harsh arch. “That dirty mind and mouth a yours’ll be both our undoin’ sweet cheeks” he said, bullying his way back into your pussy, starting a harsh pace that had your eyes rolling back as his hips slapped against your ass harshly. “You and I both know ya wouldn’t want me any other way” you quipped, making him chuckle as he yanked your hair to pull you back some more, earning a loud moan from you. “Look mighty tasty like this, I could just eat you alive” he said in a low growl, his lips and teeth sinking to your shoulder, leaving a bruise and teeth marks behind, marking and claiming you as his. He felt the way your walls squeezed around him as you whimpered pathetically with his bite, and the way you grew wetter as he did. “Fuck…Cooper” you moaned, making him chuckle as his hands gripped your hips, watching as you moved your hips back and met his thrusts hungrily. “Sure is a pretty sight, seein’ you split open on this cock. Hungry little thing, swallowin’ me the way you do. Tell me who this pretty pussy belongs to” he said, making you grin proudly at his praise. “‘s all yours baby, only for you” you replied as you felt the bed start to rock back and forth and heard it creaking beneath your bodies as he found that spot inside you liked so much. For as hot as it was outside, you two fucked like it was the only way to keep warm. “Damn straight. Fuck…” he groaned, enjoying the sight of your ass jiggling each time his cock entered then reentered you and the sounds you made when it would happen. “So close…please, don’t stop” you begged, knowing full and well he never had any intentions to, but the words flew from your mouth as if they were the only thing you knew to say. You felt one of his hands leave your hip, coming to reach and rub tight circles against your clit, making that coil in the pit of your stomach wind tighter. “Cum for me baby” he said, working you closer and closer to your peak that was just around the corner, all you needed was one last push and he knew it, he could feel it with the way your walls hugged him.
He bit down on your shoulder once more, making you moan as you toppled over the edge. Your walls clenched around him tightly, earning a groan from him as your cunt spasmed and milked him for everything he could give you. Your mouth laid open in a wide O shape as your back arched, keeping him deep inside of you as his release creeped up on him from yours. He let out a deep, feral growl as he came inside of you with his teeth sunk into your perfect skin, missing the feeling of what it was like to empty himself into someone again. You hummed contentedly as you felt him fill you up, a pleasant tingle running through you as he laved over the teeth marks with his tongue. “You alright, sugar? Wasn’t too rough with ya, was I?” He asked by your ear, littering your skin with kisses as one of his hands rubbed soothingly up and down your side. You gave a giggle. “You always act like you’re gonna break me” you replied, making him chuckle. “I just might if I ain’t careful, certainly ain’t known for being a softy for others sweetheart” he said, making you chuckle as he pulled out of you slowly, trying his best not to hurt or overstimulate you both, allowing you to turn around and look at him. “Maybe I’d like it if ya did, but no you didn’t go rough on me. Was perfect, as always” you responded flirtatiously but with a sweet smile, making him chuckle dryly once more. “Good, I’ll always take good care of my girl” he replied, leaning down to kiss you softly before grabbing a rag and wetting it to help clean you up. As he came back and spread your legs, he watched his seed leak from you, moving down your thighs. He gave a crude whistle. “Now that’s a sight” he said with a mischievous grin, making you roll your eyes with an entertained smile as he helped clean you up, laying a kiss to your inner thigh. “At least give me a little recovery time, I ain’t got that stamina you got yet” you said, making him laugh as he disposed of the rag and climbed back into bed with you. “And don’t worry, I had my Rad-X for the day. Though I gotta say, that’s a feeling that’s totally worth a little radiation sickness if ya ask me” you said, both of you giving a chuckle as you kissed him softly once more, your hand resting on his chest as you did. “Well, just t’ be safe, I got RadAway. Some for me to keep me from turnin’ feral and rippin’ you to pieces, and some for you for those nights you crave that sweet feelin’” he said, handing you the IV bag of yellow liquid from off the bedside table. “What would I ever do without you?” You asked, hooking it up to the rack and putting the IV in to allow it to take effect. “A whole lotta nothin’ good I imagine. Probably spend a whole lotta nights hoping them dainty little fingers a yours can achieve anything close t’ what I give ya every night” he teased with a grin, making you roll your eyes with a laugh but he wasn’t wrong.
His hand came to yours, pulling it to where your fingers would intertwine with his, something he always did when you used needles and medicines on yourself as a gesture of comfort. He pulled his inhaler and a vile of RadAway from his duster that lay on the floor as you let the bag drip slowly. He took a hit off of his inhaler, giving a contended sigh as he leaned back against the pillows and let it work its way into his system. He looked over to see you, admiring him like he hung the moon and the stars in the night sky. He gave you a sweet smile, one pulled deep from his heart as you leaned your head against his shoulder. One that said the three words he’d been struggling to try and tell you after all this time being together, a loving look in his usually dark, haunting gaze. “I love you” he said, making you look up at him in astonishment that he’d finally come around to saying it. You smiled at him, that same sweet smile he saw the first time he ever sent a flirty word your way, the same smile he’d come to absolutely adore seeing stretch to your cute face every time you saw him. “I love you too, Coop” you replied back, easing the tightness in his chest as he awaited your response. He gave you a relieved smile as he kissed your head, slinging his arm around you to pull you into his side and hold you close.
The moment was sweet, quiet save for the sounds of your joined breathing and heartbeats but peacefully so. You both stayed like that for a good while, the bag of RadAway already run down to nearly empty. That peace was disturbed when you realized you still had some chores on your list left to do for the day. “Shit, I still got laundry and shit to do” you said, sighing as you realized it and tipped your head back with a groan, removing your IV and bandaging up your arm, getting ready to get up and go back to it. “Hold it there, little lady” Cooper said, getting up and putting his briefs and pants back on. “I gotchya. You rest that pretty head a yours while I take care of it, ‘kay? Let that stuff work its way in ya” He said, making you look up at him. “You ain’t gotta do that Coop…” you replied, making him shake his head at you. “Shh, shh, shh. Don’t you move a muscle there, pretty lady. I got it” he urged, kissing your head once more before placing his hat back on his head, grabbing his shirt from the floor and throwing his duster over his shoulder. “‘s a good look on you” you said with a half lidded smile, your eyes raking his form as he turned and looked at you, shooting a grin your way. “And that is a good look on you” he replied, tipping his head to gesture at you who still laid in bed naked, hair slightly messy, a few bite marks and hickeys littering your otherwise mostly unblemished skin. You gave a grin and a giggle as he stood there, a calculated look in his eyes as he looked you over, resting himself by his arm along the doorframe. “I think I can live without a couple extra shirts” he said, tossing his shirt across the room without a care for where it landed, dropping his duster along the chair in the room. “What are you…Cooper!” You yelped playfully as he climbed back onto the bed, a hungry look in his eyes as he climbed over top of you. “Chores can wait a day, I need you sugar” he said, leaning down and slotting his lips against yours, pulling you into a soft, sweet kiss. “I need this” he added genuinely, his tone soft and loving as he pressed his forehead to yours while he held one of your hands in his. “Been enough days out in that shit hole wasteland that got me scared I was gonna lose you, and that’s somethin’ I just can’t have. So I wanna enjoy this, this little slice of paradise we got right now, with you” he said between soft, loving kisses, making you smile as you gave in and kissed him back. Laundry could wait for another day, he was right, times like these were hard to come by. Needless to say, no other chores got done that day, but it was certainly a night neither of you would ever forget.
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iluvmattsbeard · 2 days
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Wet Dreamz (m.s)
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master list
matt sturniolo x reader
warnings: smut and swearing
preview: matt and you were partners for a project. he unexpectedly started having sinful dreams about you, suddenly craving you ever since. one thing nobody knew; he was a virgin.
“y/n, you will be partnered with Matt.” the teacher says trying to grab your attention. “y/n? are you listening?” you snap out of your thoughts and look at him. “huh?” you ask. “you’re partnered with Matt for this project.” he replies with an unamused look. you look around before you look back at him. “who’s that?” you ask.
he lets out a sigh before speaking, “Matt raise your hand.” you look around again as you catch the eyes of a brown haired boy. you weren’t mad about it. he looked decent.
you get up and walk to where he was sitting. “next time y/n, i expect you to be paying attention. this project will effect your grade drastically if you do poorly.” you hear the teacher say looking at you. all you do is nod. you were barely passing the class.
Matt’s POV
i got paired with y/n. she didn’t even know who i was. i knew of her because she would get in trouble constantly due to her lack of focus. as she came to sit next to me, we clicked right away. we both dreaded school, but who doesn’t? as much as i didn’t like school, i still paid attention, unlike her, so i had to explain the whole point of the project to her.
we exchanged numbers after class so that we could talk about when we could meet up to work on it. we only had two weeks to complete it. i knew i had to stand on top of it because i know she won’t.
a few days pass, me and y/n still working on the project together, with us having to meet at lunch. i got to know a little bit more about her. she was pretty cool to talk to. we even started texting without talking about the project itself. so when this is done, it’d be cool to hang with her.
meeting during lunch really wasn’t a good idea. there was too much distractions. so i took the opportunity to invite her over to my place after school. she agreed and i ended up driving her with me once the final bell rang.
End of Matt’s POV
you and Matt were in his room as you sat on the floor. you were reading over some information from the website the teacher recommended and you were feeling overwhelmed. “all of this is hurting my head.” you say laying back on the floor. Matt lets out a small laugh as he responds, “me too. i don’t get how this will be beneficial in the future.” you shot up looking at him, “exactly! school is so bullshit to me. they don’t even teach real world shit.” you say sighing. “i agree. but i didn’t put up with almost 12 years of school just to fail.” he says. you groan, “right. it would be wasteful. i’m pretty sure you don’t have anything to worry about. my grades are literally on the edge of failing.” “well, i could help you.” he suggests. all you do is let out a laugh, “trust me, teaching me is hard.”
“i’ve been teaching you these past days. trust me i know.” Matt responds as you both let out a laugh. “it’s hot in here.” you say taking off your hoodie, pulling down your shirt as it lifted a bit. Matt looks at you as he catches a glimpse of your cleavage. he looks away quickly, clearing his throat. where has all of that been hiding? he wonders. “well let’s continue working on this.” he says trying to move past it. all you do is nod as you lay on your stomach continuously reading.
when you weren’t paying attention, Matt would stare at you slightly. he would stare at the way your tits were pressed against the floor, thinking how perfect they were.
after a few hours, Matt takes you home. “thank you for the ride.” you say smiling, slinging your backpack on one shoulder. “yeah of course” he replies. you open the door stepping out, but as you get up, your hoodie raises slightly revealing your thong peeking out above your jeans slightly. Matt catches a glimpse turning red. you shut the door and walk away. he sits there in his car for a bit as he gulps before driving away.
Matt arrives home tidying his room before going to bed. he picks up one of his notebooks as he sees a sticky note on it reading, ‘thank you for dealing with me as a partner - Y/N’.
he smiles at the note as he puts it down on his bed side table, getting into bed. as he lays there, he couldn’t help but think about what his eyes caught from you earlier. your cleavage and your thong. he couldn’t stop thinking about it. “Matt stop that.” he whispers to himself before shutting his eyes going to sleep.
Matt’s dream POV
you and Matt were sitting on your bed working on the project. Matt wasn’t paying attention to you as much and you were bothered by it. you took matters into your hands and you closed the book he was studying. you got on top of him, sitting on his lap as he gets caught off guard. you pull him into a passionate kiss and next thing you knew, you were under the covers tangled together naked.
End of Matt’s dream
Matt’s POV
i woke up sitting up quickly with my breathing uneven. what was that?! my heart was racing. did i just have a wet dream?!
i pulled up the covers to see a wet stain on top of the crotch of my sweats. what the fuck. this has never happened before. with y/n?! why? because of what i saw yesterday? i never even had sex before. how could i have easily dreamed of it? i gulp before getting up. i head to the bathroom to clean myself. i really can’t believe that just happened. now all i could do is replay it in my head. i groan at the thought.
after i got ready, i headed straight to school. on the drive there, i still couldn’t stop replaying everything that happened in my dream. even if i tried to distract myself, it wouldn’t go away. i needed it bad.
End of Matt’s POV
you and Matt were in class as you tried to tell him a story. all he was doing was nodding and staying quiet. “Matt? are you okay?” you question. he shakes his head before speaking, “yeah- yeah i’m good. sorry.” you give him a questionable look as you reply, “well you weren’t really paying attention as i spoke.” you laugh a bit. “oh i was.” he says with a nervous smile. “yeah okay.” you say turning your body straight, pretending to pay attention to the teacher.
Matt does the same as he groans quietly to himself. he didn’t know if he should tell you or not about what he imagined. he decided to shrug it off.
it was the end of the day again as you both end up at Matt’s house. you were standing up as you rehearsed your lines on what to say for the presentation. Matt just sat there looking lost. “Matt seriously what is wrong? i can’t do this without you, you know?” you say frustrated. “i’m sorry. i’ve just been having a hard time.” he responds scratching the back of his neck. “well we really need to focus on this. if you need to get something off your chest, do it now so we can continue.” you say. Matt hesitates before speaking, “okay well i sort of had an odd dream last night.” you look at him confused. “okay?” you reply. “it wasn’t a normal dream.” he continues.
“what? were you like having sex or something?” you ask jokingly with a laugh. but he just sits there staying silent with a blank face. “oh. oh! you did!” you exclaim. “who was it about?” asking with curiosity. “some random girl from class.” he says lying through his teeth. “so what’s the big deal?” you ask. “this your first time having a wet dream?” all he does is nod. you widen your eyes, “really? that’s new. i would’ve thought you were like every other guy constantly thinking about sex.” letting out a laugh. “why is it bothering you so much?”
“because, it’s weird. especially with this specific girl.” he responds. you raise an eyebrow before asking a question, “have you ever had sex before?” the question takes Matt by surprise as he responds quickly, “of course i have!” he lies. you let out a laugh. “okay! sorry! well then you shouldn’t be so weirded out. now come on. lets focus.” replying to him.
it still was eating him in the inside.
*time skip*
after the weeks flew by, you and Matt got an ‘A’ for your presentation. you decided to celebrate by treating Matt with fast food. you both sat on his bed eating. “thank you for being such a good partner.” you say with a smile taking a bite from your burger. “no, thank you.” he replies. you couldn’t help but notice he still was acting strange these past days. “Matt don’t tell me you’re still on about the sex dream.” you ask wiping your hands with a napkin. “you should just shoot your shot already since it’s eating you up. maybe she’ll feel the same.” he shakes his head, “i wouldn’t know how to approach her. plus, that’s weird. i had a sex dream about her and what? i just walk up to her and tell her that? that's creepy.” he replies. you laugh at his response. “well not quite but, i don’t like how you’re acting so off.” you say taking another bite.
Matt sighs as he shakes his head, “just forget it y/n. i’m fine.” you stop in your place as you shake your head. “okay that’s it.” placing the unfinished food on his side table. you wipe your mouth with a napkin as you look at him. it was silent for a bit until you spoke up, “do you want to kiss me?” you blurt out. Matt’s eyes widen. “what?” he asks.
Matt’s POV
i hesitated for a bit. “to help distract you.” she says with a small laugh. "uh- uh yeah sure." I say hesitantly. i mean i couldn’t pass up on the opportunity. i scoot closer to her. i’ve only ever kissed one other person and i don’t think it was good so maybe this will be different. i can hear my heart pounding out of my chest. i put my hand on her cheek as i lean in and kiss her softly. she scoots closer without breaking the kiss, putting her hands on my shoulders.
to her she might think this is just a distraction but, little did she know my dream was about her. we continue to kiss as she swings her leg around to straddle me. i put my hands on her waist as the kisses get heavier. i could feel myself get hard beneath her and i could tell she notices. i pull away from embarrassment, “i’m so sorry.” i say. all she does is smile and respond with, “it’s okay.” pulling me into another kiss. i could feel her start to grind against my clothed dick. i let out a small groan from the feeling. i pull away as i lay her down gently. “d-do you want to do this?” i say nervously but, i couldn’t expose the fact this would be my first. she nods as she kisses me again. she takes off my shirt as i do the same for her. i unbutton my jeans and pull them off leaving me in my boxers as she does the same with her pants leaving her in her under garments. i gulp looking at her body. come on Matt play it cool. we kiss again as she rubs my dick through my boxers. i really hope i’m big enough.
i reach into my drawer as i pull out a condom. i bought a box just in case i were to lose it. which i am now, so it was good preparation. i open rip off the deal as i look at her. “uh.. i haven’t done this in a while so.. i might not be as good.” i warn her lying. i’ve never done this at all. i had to prepare her just in case i cum quick. “it’ll be good” she reassures me. she takes the condom from my hand as i take off my boxers slowly. i see her eyes widen a bit as she slowly wraps the condom on my dick. i lay her back down, sliding her panties to the side, and align myself at her entrance. she gives me a smile as i look down at what i’m about to do. i push myself into her slowly as i watch her relax.
i hear her moan softly as i continue to push my full length into her. “shit.” i groan quietly. i watch her face as i start to thrust slowly. she shut her eyes as she bites her lip softly. i can’t believe this is happening. my dream finally coming true. i pick up the pace as i put both my hands on her sides. “yes just like that.” she moans out putting her hands on my chest. i kiss her as i continue to go deeper into her keeping my fast tempo.
“fuck Matt you feel so good.” she moans. every time she spoke i felt my dick twitch. her moans were heavenly. “you’re so perfect.” i whisper to her. i lay myself on her slightly as she scratches my back. her scratches were hard as i feel the slight sting.
all my worries disappear once i find out i’m actually doing a good job. she made me feel a bit more confident. as soon as i was about to cum i pull out because i wanted to keep pleasing her. i pull her by her thighs as i put my head in between her legs. i start licking at her folds softly as she lets out a breath. i then start sliding my tongue up and down, swirling my tongue on her clit. i felt her grip my hair lightly. “oh Matt.” she moans. “you taste so good.” i say continuing to eat her out. “Matt i’m going to cum.” she says as i start to suck on her clit. she throws her head back as she arches her back, shoving her pussy more into my face. “yes Matt just like that!” she screams out as she cums all over my mouth.
i get back up as i lick my lips, realigning myself as i thrust back into her sensitive core. she gasps as she grips onto my arms. i thrust at a fast pace before cumming inside her into the condom. “oh fuck.” i moan out.
we were both catching our breath as i pull out of her. i take off the condom and throw it in the trash. "you must be a pro or something. that was incredible.” she says sitting up putting her clothes on.
good to know. little did she know, i ain't ever did this before.
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a/n: not my best work lol. likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! thank you :) - L 🤍
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Charlie: “-so we have TONS of angel-killing weapons now, thanks to Vaggie! Who had a lovely… Errrr. Fight?”
Vaggie: “It was pretty one sided. Call it a training match.”
Charlie: “She had a lovely training match with Carmilla Carmine! Who repeatedly kneed and kicked her in the face, which I’m not allowed to get upset about, because Vaggie isn’t upset about it!”
Sir Pentious: “Oh that sssounds… Pleasssant?”
Angel Dust: “Of course the one time Saint Sapphic isn’t pissed is when someone actually beats the crap outta her.”
Husk: “Wha’d I say? She’s got issues.”
Niffty: “Kneed in the face by Carmilla Carmine!?” (wistful sigh) “Lucky…”
Husk: “And you’ve got even worse issues, somehow.”
Vaggie: “Meanwhile, Charlie was off singing herself up a whole army in Cannibal Town.”
Charlie: “I wouldn’t call them a whole army-”
Vaggie: “They barely fit inside the hotel, babe.”
Charlie: “-and I wouldn’t really call it mine. Alastor and Rosie helped!”
Vaggie: “Did they give you the cannibal army?”
Charlie: “Nnnnoooo… I mean they did introduce me, but I had to do the convincing part myself.”
Vaggie: “Then it’s your army.”
Charlie: “Huh.”
Charlie: “…..hm.”
Vaggie: “Feels kinda nice, doesn’t it?”
Charlie: (giggling) “Maaaybe a little~”
Angel Dust: “If yous two LBs start kissin’ about the literal man eating army now under ya sway, I’m gonna be sick.”
Vaggie: “Aren’t you supposed to have zero gag reflex?”
Angel Dust: “That’s for sex stuff, Vaggitales. This is sappy and sincere.”
Husk: “A word that’s barely in your fucking vocabulary.”
Charlie: “Now Husk, you know that’s not true-”
Angel Dust: “Oh it’s true baby! But I’d be sucha a gooood little school boy if ya wanted to try teachin’ me, Purrrrfessor~”
Husk: “Can we feed him to the cannibals.”
Charlie: “No!”
Vaggie: “If they get sick before the big fight then we’re all dead.”
Angel Dust: “Hey!”
Sir Pentious: (SNIFFLING)
Charlie: “Oh oh Pen! Don’t be scared- no one’s feeding anyone to any cannibals!”
Vaggie: “Well. We’re not feeding anyone from the hotel to them…”
Charlie: “You hush, beautiful. Now there there Pentious, what wrong?”
Sir Pentious: “Nothing issss now! But EVERYTHING wasss, while you and missss Vaggie were fighting!”
Vaggie: “We weren’t-”
Charlie: “That was just me being-”
Vaggie & Charlie: “...”
Vaggie: “Sorry, you go-”
Charlie: “No no after you!”
Vaggie & Charlie: “..…..”
Hotel Crew: “….”
Vaggie: “Charlie had good reasons for being angry-”
Charlie: “I wasn’t angry! Or, not the way I THOUGHT I was? It’s complicated-”
Vaggie: “Valid. Reasonable. Way more forgiving than called for.”
Charlie: “If I’d just TALKED with you like you’d WANTED-”
Vaggie: “You didn’t want to. That’s fair.”
Charlie: “I guess, but. It wasn’t fun.”
Sir Pentious: “No it wasss not!” (crying) “It sssseemed as though you were ssssplitting up! L-leaving ussss! It wasss! DREADFUL!!”
Charlie: “Ohhhhh nooooo we would never-!”
Vaggie: “The hotel thing is kinda bigger than one relationship, Pentious. We’re not giving up on you guys.”
Charlie: “-and that’s also why we’d never break up.”
Vaggie: “Never’s a long time sweetie… and three years was a long time too.”
Charlie: “Not with you it wasn’t. And forever won’t be either.”
Vaggie: “…”
Angel Dust: “If you cry, I really will throw up.”
Vaggie: “Shut up.”
Charlie: (hugs vaggie) “See, Pen? You don’t have to worry about us, okay?”
Sir Pentious: “Okay. Y-essss.”
Charlie: “Shh sshh, please don’t cry…”
Sir Pentious: (wailing) “I can’t help it!!!”
Vaggie: “Hey, how come HIS tears aren’t vomit worthy but MINE are??”
Angel Dust: “Cuz he’s a sad snake boy in a top hat that cuddles with eggs, and you’re supposed to be tough as nails and impossible to fucking break, Vagina. Seein’ ya as being anything other than gay or pissed? Stomach turning. Yuck” 
Husk: “You’ve got issues too, dumbass.”
Angel Dust: “I know.” (preens) “But they look GOOD on me~”
Sir Pentious: (snuffles) “It’sss jussst so good, sssssseeing you two the way you sssshould be! Ugh.” (dripping) “May I borrow a, a tisssssue, Niffty?”
Niffty: “SURE-”
Husk: “You don’t fucking want that or to know where the fuck it’s been. Here. Napkin.”
Sir Pentious: “Thankssss!”
Sir Pentious:  (LOUD NOSE BLOWING HONK)
Charlie: “Better?”
Sir Pentious: “Much, yessss. But how did you manage it?”
Charlie: “Manage what?”
Sir Pentious: “Fixssssing thingsss between you! After it wasss so bad!”
Husk: “Without any alcohol, even.”
Sir Pentious: "Or exssssplossions!"
Angel Dust: “Yeah toots, three years of not sayin’ she was an angel is a pretty big shit pile to have dropped on ya, even in hell.”
Niffty: “YEAH VAGGIE! HOW MANY SOULS HAVE YOU KILLED?!”
Vaggie: “Thousands.”
Husk: “FUCK.”
Niffty: “OoooOOoohhhhh~”
Angel Dust: “Now that’s a body count. Like, not a good one but. Wow.”
Sir Pentious: “Sssee? And now Charlie isss hugging you! How iss that possssible?”
Vaggie: “… I don’t… I, gave her space….”
Charlie: “She’s Vaggie. I already knew who she was.”
Husk: “Exorcist.”
Angel Dust: “Liar?”
Niffty: “Mass MURDERER heheheh…”
Charlie: “My partner.”
Sir Pentious: “I don’t underssstand! Did ssshe sssay ssssorry?”
Vaggie: “Sorry really wouldn’t cut it.”
Charlie: (laughing) “She helped me start the hotel- and run it- and get my dad’s help talking to heaven, and- more things than I can count, honestly! Doesn’t that say enough?”
Sir Pentious: “Oh… ssso wordsss are not… what mattersss?”
Charlie: “They can matter, but it’s what we DO that makes them mean anything.”   
Sir Pentious: "...what we... do?"
Angel Dust: “Like how heaven and it’s angels say it’s all full of great people up there but then they go an' leave us all to rot and die, yeah?”
Charlie: “Vaggie didn’t."
Angel Dust: "Score! Hell's got ONE angry lesbian on it's side!"
Charlie: "And I won’t either.”
Hotel Crew: “…”
Husk: “Are we done. I need a drink.”
Vaggie: “Y-eah.” (hoarse) (clears throat) “That’s where we’re at now. Any questions?”
Angel Dust: (raises hands) “Husk has one!”
Husk: “Fuck you no I don’t-”
Angel Dust: “Sure ya do babypaws. What the FUCK-”
Angel Dust: (points at Vaggie’s wings)
Angel Dust: “-are THOOOOOOSE???”
Vaggie: “…Those are my wings. Asshole.”
Angel Dust: “Bitch~”
Husk: “Motherfucking dumbasses.”
Charlie: “Angel please, it’s rude to point like that! And to um. Say the other part also- but that’s okay I know you mean it in a nice way!”
Angel Dust: “An’ what about Saint Vagatha huh? She called me shit too! Was that her bein’ nice?”
Charlie: “She-”
Vaggie: “I’m nicely not stabbing you.”
Charlie: “-she’s trying her best.”
Angel Dust: “By not stabbing me?”
Husk: “Now that’s impressive as hell.”
Vaggie: “Thanks.”
Angel Dust: “Hmph. Lucky a guy can take pride in people wantin' to stick stuff in him...”
Sir Pentious: “Vaggie? Pleasse pardon the quesstion, however I ssssseem to recall you sssaying you didn’t HAVE any, ah, wingssss?”
Niffty: “Or tits!”
Vaggie: “They grew back.”
Niffty: “Did your t-”
Vaggie: “Niffty-” (groans) “Look, there’s a cockroach over there. Go hunt, kill- whatever.”
Niffty: "KILL KILL KILL-!"
Charlie: “Aren’t her wings AMAZING! LOOK AT THEM!!! You guys have no idea how soft-! wait they what? Grew back?”
Angel Dust: (grinning) “What about your-”
Vaggie: “Ask about my tits twice in one day and die.”
Charlie: “They were gone? You weren’t just hiding them- Twice?”
Niffty: (on vaggie’s shoulder) (checking down her shirt) “Nope! Tits still missing. Nice pecs though!”
Vaggie: “………”
Angel Dust: “She said it, not me!!”
Vaggie: (SIGH) “These are the people I’m about to risk my life for.”
Charlie: “I feel like I’ve missed something important..?”
Husk: “No you fucking haven’t.”
Angel Dust: “So oh heavenly cunt, what the fuck did ya do with Carmine to get the feather dusters reinstated?”
Vaggie: “No idea. Uh- Thought gay thoughts about Charlie? I guess?”
Charlie: “Awww~!”
Sir Pentious: “Aww!!”
Vaggie: “And mostly non-violent thoughts about the rest of you.”
Niffty: “Booo…”
Vaggie: “Anyway, since Lute didn’t use heavenly steel while tearing them off my back, I guess they just needed time to heal up or whatever.”
Charlie: “I’m SO gonna send a thank-you note to Carmilla for helping you with… tha….”
Charlie: “….tEARING? She, Lute-”
Vaggie: “Not now. Tell you later, babe.”
Charlie: “BUt- I’ve met her TWICE and you didn’t say-!”                   
Vaggie: “Let’s focus on finishing debriefing the troo- the friends for now. ‘kay?”
Charlie: “I…”
Angel Dust: “I TOLD YA IDIOTS IT MIGHT BE A SENSITIVE FUCKING TOPIC!”
Husk: “Then why the fuck did you bring it up!?”
Angel Dust: “My mouth likes to be open and stupid shit comes out of it sometimes- I dunno!”
Vaggie: “Yeah well I’m so not about to start spilling the gory details in the hotel lobby. The cannibals are already starting to look hungry. If we’re up to date on the mission statement and current crew resource management situation, then-”
Niffty: “Hey Vaggie, Vaggieee.”
Vaggie: “What.”
Niffty: (giggles) “Did Lute steal your tits too?”
Vaggie: “….”
Angel Dust: “…what? Don’t glare at ME about ya blindly obvious shortfall in that depar-Tit-ment-”
Husk: “Shut up before she fucking tests some of her new shiny weapons on you.”
Vaggie: “Don’t give me ideas.”
Charlie: “Why is everyone talking about my girlfriend’s breasts. She got her wings ripped off and suddenly has them back, and we’re all just, talking about bra size???”
Angel Dust: “Toots, if she wears bras, it’s gotta be just so’s she looks good for you.”
Vaggie: “I’ll take that compliment.”
Angel Dust: “I wasn’t sayin’ it as one-”
Vaggie: “Change your mind or lose your hair.”
Angel Dust: “-you’re a very loving lesbian and ya make Sappho the OG herself proud.”
Vaggie: “Better.”
Sir Pentious: “E-excusssse me!? Thisss, sssssadistic Lute person iss, ssssssomeone we will be fighting against..?”
Vaggie: “Yeah but I’ll handle her, don’t worry.”
Charlie: “wHAT!?”
Vaggie: “I said, I’m the one who knows how she fights anyway, so I’ll-”
Charlie: “YOU. WILL. NOT-”
Demon Charlie: “-NIFFTY DON’T YOU DARE STUFF THAT DEAD COCKROACH DOWN MY GIRLFRIEND’S SHIRT!!!”
Vaggie: “AUGH?!”
Niffty: “Aww.”
Angel Dust: “Oh that’s nasty.”
Husk: "Hreaugh." (hairball noise) “Whatever’s wrong with you, Niffty, never EVER fucking tell me what it is.”
Niffty: (waving cockroach) “It’s just for padding~ You know what they say! Every little bit helps! Right?”
Charlie & Vaggie: “NO!”
Niffty: (CACKLING)
Sir Pentious: “…..thisss isss, sssssso beautiful….”
Husk: “The fucking cockroach?”
Sir Pentious: “No. Them.” (wipes tear) “They’re ssstill, hugging.”
Angel Dust: “Yeah... It’s almost sweet enough to make a guy puke.”
Husk: “Almost?”
Angel Dust: “Well I’m not gonna ruin the mood for them by actually puking!”
Husk: (smiles) “Uh-huh.”
Angel Dust: “Plus, think of my boots! What if they got splashed on and shit?”
Husk: “Right.”
Angel Dust: “And Niffty’s doin’ good work breakin’ the tension and grossin’ them out anyway…”
Husk: “Mm-hmm.”
Angel Dust: “….And. It’s nice to see ‘em bein’ cute again.”
Husk: “…..”
Angel Dust: “….because it was weird when they weren’t and maybe, MAYBE, I was worried.”
Husk: “There we fucking go. Good boy.”
Angel Dust: “!!!”
Sir Pentious: “Oh that sseems to have cheered him up immenssely..”
Husk: "Fuck."
Angel Dust: “Oooh~ Nauseous to horny in less than a second? Damn, Purrrfessor. That’s a new record even for me~”
Husk: “Fuck no.” (fleeing)
Husk: “Alright, I’m opening the fucking bar! Come get your complimentary we might all be dying together soon drinks- and nobody fucking DARE ask me to use body parts in them. This isn’t fucking Cannibal Town. My drinks are good enough without fingers or eyeballs floating in them or whatever.”
Cannibal crowd: (grumbles but politely ques up for drinks)
Charlie: “I think maybe we’ll pass? Vaggie? Our room, us, alone, maybe?”
Vaggie: “Are we gonna talk about stuff?”
Charlie: “I would VERY MUCH like to talk about all things now yes please.”
Vaggie: “Then I’m gonna need a drink. Husk-”
Husk: “Take the fucking bottle.”
Angel Dust: “Here, and this bottle too!”
Charlie: “Oh thank you Angel D- is this LUBE!? Already OPENED lube!??!?”
Angel Dust: “Happy make-up sex~”
Charlie: “I- Vaggie no, not the spear- thanks, Angel Dust, but I think- Vaggie I said not the spear- I think we can do without borrowing your, uh, personal bottle of- okay that’s it, up over the shoulder you go. Hup!”
Vaggie: “I’m gonna kill him! I’m gonna save him from the extermination by killing him RIGHT NOW!”
Charlie: “-and you told me to ignore you when you talk like that. Anyway, everyone else have good night with the drinks and cannibals!”
Angel Dust: "Will do, toots! You gays enjoy eatin' each other out!"
Vaggie: “Babe please just let me strangle him a little bit-”
Charlie: “Nope! We’re gonna go explore some past trauma!”
Angel Dust: “An’ each other’s bodies!!!”
Charlie: (carrying vaggie upstairs) “Not helping!”
Vaggie: (still struggling) “I don't NEED to talk about my trauma- i need to get my hands on that asshole twink!"
Angel Dust: "GET IN LINE BEHIND HALF OF HELL, VAG-GAY!"
Charlie: "Hold my hand instead?"
Vaggie: "...."
Vaggie: (melting) (holds hand) "...fiiiiine."
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the-bi-space-ace · 3 days
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Echo & Unshakeable Trust
If we really want to talk about how Echo and trust are intertwined then I think we need to start at The Bad Batch arc of The Clone Wars in season 7. We see pretty clearly that the batch doesn’t trust him, even before they know him. They make snide remarks, doubt him, and are ready to take him down if he crosses them. Hell, they’re sure he’s a traitor. One of the earliest examples of this is when Hunter first claims it’s a trap. He even says they’ll tag along with the mission even just to say ‘I told you so.’ Oh how wrong he was. How wrong they all were.
They venture into Skako to save Echo, following Rex’s intuition and going along with it even if they don’t agree. They go, they’re not trusting about it, but they go. What they find is Echo, being used as the algorithm for the Separatists. Rex has no reason to doubt that this is against Echo’s will but the batch… they’re not so sure. 
Echo’s plan to escape through the vents is what saves them from Wat Tambor. They have no choice but to follow his plan, even if they aren’t sure if they can trust him yet. But following along and going with it is what gets them out of there. That doesn’t mean it fixes the doubt. The batch even hesitates before walking across the pipe to escape. They’re still sure he’s screwing them over. They have no idea why Anakin and Rex follow Echo’s plans blindly, even when they’re objectively ridiculous. 
Rex trusts him. Always. Every time. When Rex hears Echo’s voice he doesn’t ever doubt that Echo is still alive and on their side. Even in the bad batch season 3 when he’s questioned about whether or not Crosshair gave them all of the information Rex doesn’t doubt that Echo handled it and they have no reason to question that. It’s such a beautiful thing to watch. His faith in Echo has always been unshakable. Just as unshakable as Echo’s faith in himself. At first Rex isn’t sure Echo is battle ready after being rescued; it's never about distrusting Echo, it’s about not being sure he’s ready yet. Has he healed enough? Is he stable enough to pull this off? It’s care, caution, not doubt. 
Echo even points that out: ‘I’m not a liability, Rex.’ Mace Windu really had me cheering when he says if Echo has a plan then he’d like to hear it. When Mace asks if Echo is certain he even responds with ‘Absolutely.’ Echo doesn’t doubt himself and he isn’t about to start now. This confidence is something we see from him a lot. From how he plans, how he moves, what he says. He knows he’s good at what he does. It’s so refreshing to watch him be so confident and grow in that confidence as time moves forward. 
It’s here we start to really see the batch mistrust Echo. Tech voices this most often, followed by Hunter. Tech isn’t sure of Echo’s plan. He even goes as far as to say that ‘We don’t really know where his loyalties lie.’ You know what’s incredible about this? Rex follows it up with ‘Well, I know.’ Because he does. He doesn’t doubt Echo, has no reason to. The batch, however, isn’t ready for that yet. 
When Echo sends all the droids to the assembly complex and successfully shuts them all down is when both Hunter and Tech - the two who were the most vocal about their doubt in him - are ready to accept that Echo is on their side. He isn’t fighting against them, he never has been. They’re ready. Echo has proven himself without ever even really trying to.
Echo: ‘Was there ever any doubt?’ Tech: ‘Some.’
Echo trusts himself totally. He’s been trusted by his squads, by Fives, by Rex, by Cody. Hell, even Anakin, Mace, and Obi-Wan trust him. He’s been surrounded by people who are convinced of his skills. Being confronted by the batch who doesn’t trust him doesn’t even really faze him. He knows his intentions, he doesn’t need to fight their doubt. He just does what he’s always done and he proves himself in his actions. This confidence he has in himself is what carries him through everything and we only see that grow over time. (This post by @phantom-of-the-501st demonstrates how much he’s grown perfectly. Please go read it. It's amazing.) 
The batch saw him in action when they first met him, they had their time to doubt, and once Echo had proven to them that he was trustworthy and skilled they’ve trusted him fully ever since then. Hunter trusts him to be his second in command - the mission where they save Gregor comes to mind. He always hears Echo out and usually follows him into nearly certain death even if he doesn’t agree. Hunter trusts his word and he knows he wants only good things for them even when they don’t agree on how to get those good things. I think it’s especially important to note that they do disagree often but that is never cause to accuse the other of something in bad faith. The batch even trusts him to lead them into Kamino, right into enemy territory, when Hunter gets taken at the end of season 1. They follow his lead, listen to him, and know he’s got this. They’d never doubt him. Not for a second. Not now. Not when it’s Echo.
And of course we have this most recent episode, the thing that spurred this all on for me. This episode only solidifies for me that trust is a main thread in Echo’s story. He gets them a ship, has a disguise for Rampart, and he is ready to take on the brunt of their mission when things start to get dicey. Crosshair does say something about how Echo can’t infiltrate the ship alone which I am certain is more about worrying for him than it is doubt in his skillset. Letting Echo go into enemy territory without anyone else is difficult for them but they know he can do it. They always know he can pull it off, even if it’s absolutely ridiculous. When Rampart starts to bad mouth the plan Crosshair is right there with ‘Relax. Echo’s on it.’ I am still absolutely losing it over this line. To see Crosshair go from ‘besides, he’s just a reg’ to his hand on Echo’s shoulder in their first mission after they meet to ‘relax. Echo’s on it.’ That… That makes me so emotional. Of course the plan will work. It’s Echo. He’s got this. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s quick on his feet. It’ll work out. It’s Echo.
To follow that line with Hunter’s ‘Echo will come through. He just needs more time.’ just further solidifies that they wouldn’t doubt him, not anymore. He’s proved time and time again that he’s got this. They’re prepared to go with whatever scheme he proposes. He’s just as bad as them but he’s also got the skillset to back up his chaos. He fits in well. 
Echo is a skilled man. He’s an excellent strategist and he gets shit done. The batch has learned to trust him with their lives, as quickly and as unshakable as Rex’s faith in him. I think this is a beautiful thing to have seen over the course of our time with the batch. The batch puts their lives in Echo’s hands more than once and they don’t doubt him. Just like how he doesn’t doubt himself. The people around him trust him because he owns what he says, because he can back his shit up. 
It’s rather fitting that the intro quote in the last episode of The Bad Batch arc in The Clone Wars (S7 E4 Unfinished Business) is: Trust placed in another is trust earned. They learned a lot by watching Rex’s unshakeable faith in Echo and they knew that’s something they could do too by the end of their mission together. He proved his chaos, his strategies, and his intellect were invaluable. So much so that they wanted him with them, whatever that was going to look like. 
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mariamastermind · 20 hours
Text
No one hates Joe, not even Taylor, she hates the fact that her forever started to crumble to the point of no bouncing back. Both of them struggle with mental health, like a lot of people I’m sure, but just saying his “bluest days” doesn’t mean she’s talking about his mental health, it could literally just mean he had a bad day and took it out on her, or she tried to help him and he wouldn’t let her. And the album is actually barely about him. Taylor says in “In Summation” that she writes the “worst men the best”, I’d say a lot of The Anthology tracks are about him as well as like 1 (So Long, London) on the standard album.
He’s not one of the worst men, he’s the one that got away. I don’t think it’s fair for Swifties to hate on Joe, and it’s not fair for Swifties and non-swifties (who for some reason listened to the album?) to hate Taylor for being vulnerable. Joe can make a statement if he wants, and that’s fine by me.
The more I look at the lyrics of So Long, London, the more I feel bad for both of them. Joe wasn’t sure how to deal with whatever was going on in his own life and Taylor going out, doing promotions for Red TV; Taylor on the other hand didn’t know what to do because she felt him slipping and she couldn’t help him like he did for her because he pushed her away, intentionally or not we’ll never know. She says that she stopped trying to make him laugh and stopped trying to drill the safe (“the safe” being him and her trying to get him to talk to her about whatever he was going through and he resisted to let her). It hurt them both. At some point they both just came to the agreement of that this just wasn’t going to work out anymore. They were there for each other through their darkest days (or bluest days) but ultimately things just aren’t meant to be even if Taylor thought it was. It’s just cruel to pick a side when there’s so much no one considered. So no, I can’t back up the people who say she’s “wrong” for writing about his “bluest days” in one line about how she felt about their relationship. And I can’t back up the people who say “she got mad at him for being depressed and not wanting to get married so she could have her perfect wedding” because that’s not what she’s saying at all; I’m sure they’d talked about marriage and at the time it felt right, but their lives were changing and they didn’t want to hurt the other person or themselves even more than they had already. And you know what, I actually think he’s genuinely proud of her for being this vulnerable and putting on a smile every week and singing “Lover” and trying not to cry, and I think he’s genuinely happy that she’s genuinely happy with Travis, and I think he was think “wtf Taylor” when people found out about her and Matty Healy, and I think he was genuinely relieved when he saw things between them ended.
I just think that no matter what happened between them, they still wish each other the best. I think he genuinely thinks she deserves the happiness she’s felt in the past year after getting through a whole lot of shit.
(And to all the people saying Taylor “sent” her fans out to threaten Joe and his friends and costars, A) she would never do that no matter how she may feel about a person and B) fake fans do that, not real ones. Maybe you should start learning the difference since you can’t shut up about her or us.)
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itsthestutterforme · 2 days
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Should We Try Again? 1/2 (toxic!Rafe Cameron x toxic!reader)
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Summary: Rafe tries to accuse you of cheating, and you did some snooping of your own. And when Rafe found out you went through his phone, you were in for it.
Notes: GIF is not mine, all mistakes are my own, Topper is a really good friend in this fic, reader is black, dark themes (choking, threats, arguing, name calling, overall just toxic behavior)
If any of these making you uncomfortable, pls don’t read. Take care of yourselves.
**
You and Rafe had one of your fights again. The yelling match, screaming in each other’s face kind of fight.
The kind of fight where the police gets called because someone heard glass breaking and shouting.
This particular time, he logged into your Instagram and founded close to 50 DMs from guys commenting on your stories where you posted your OOTDs.
You never opened any of the DMs but there were too many to go unnoticed.
“Do you get off on having other guys want you or something? Huh?” He starts as he abruptly forces his way into the bathroom where you were showering.
“What are you talking about, Rafe?” You snark, ringing out the water from your hair.
“What the hell is this?” He rips the shower curtain open.
“Rafe!” You scold, shutting off the water so none leaks onto the floor. He shoves his phone in your face and repeats, “What the hell is this?”
“They’re DMs, Rafe. Why are you talking to me like I did something wrong?”
“Because you did do something wrong by not blocking these sons of bitches. You like the attention, don’t you? You fucking slut.”
“Don’t you dare call me a slut, asshole. It’s DMs. They don’t mean shit!”
You close the shower curtain so you can resume your shower when he ripped it open again.
“Oh it means something when they’re sending dick pics, Y/N! They want to fuck you!”
“It doesn’t matter if they want me because I’m with you, Rafe. Not them.” You tried to reason.
You were already exhausted from work and you really didn’t need this right now.
“You’ve been sending them nudes, haven’t you?” “Are you fucking serious, Rafe?” “Do I look like I’m joking right now?” He says flatly, his nose flaring angrily.
“No, I haven’t sent anybody nudes. I didn’t even know they sent me dick pics because I don’t open them, Rafe.” He gives you a pointed look and you crossed your arms as a challenge.
It was clear you weren’t going to shower in peace so why not add some fuel to this fire.
“You’re such a hypocrite, you know that? Shame on me for having fifty unopened DMs but everything is okay when you have hundreds of opened DMs?” You antagonize, slowly stepping out of the shower with suds still on your body.
You watch as his face fell for a few seconds before it hardens once again.
“You’ve been going through my phone?” He asks. “Of course I have! Because I know you’ve been in my phone, desperate to find secrets to use against me. So I figure why not dig up some secrets of my own.”
“Y/N,” he warns lowly, taking a step towards you.
“What did you find?” He wrote down a few things about the cross.
Like where he’s already looked and potential places where it might be. But he hid those notes behind a passcode in his journal.
There were also a few texts of Ward asking ‘if it was taken care of’. Garret’s body.
There was no way you could figure out the passcode, right?
“What are you so scared I would find?” You questioned, purposely being vague. There was no point in being specific, if he was going to connect the dots for you.
His anxiety got the best of him and he wraps a hand around your throat, giving it a warning squeeze.
“Stop being cute and tell me what you saw.” He orders.
There wasn’t a constant pressure so you were able to breathe fairly normal. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t change his mind.
“I only went through your social media and some of your messages. Nothing else.” His hand twitched around your throat when you mentioned messages.
“I just wanted to see if you were texting others girls.” You added, wrapping your hands around his wrist.
“What else?” “Nothing else, I swear.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me, Y/N.” “I’m not lying to you.” He pulls away from your throat and you instinctively touched your collar bone.
His gaze softens when you stepped away from him. He itched to get close to you and apologize for over reacting, but he still wasn’t sure that you didn’t know about the gold and the bodies.
So his hands remained by his sides, tightening every so often.
“What are you protecting?” You asked cautiously. “Don’t pull that shit again.” He states before storming out of the bathroom and slamming the front door of your house.
That was a few days ago, and you haven’t spoke to each other since. The most interaction you’ve had was him viewing your story. That’s it.
You’ve been going straight home after work, not wanting to interact with anyone unless you had to.
But a small part of you wished you’d come home to Rafe waiting for you on your door step or him come to see you during your break.
But he never did. That was enough for you to come to the conclusion that he stopped caring about you.
He was so worried about protecting something or someone that was willing to choke you out to protect it.
You’ve seen him anxious about a few things but nothing set him off like you did that night.
You were watching one of your comfort movies with your fleece blanket wrapped around you, eating some stir fry you ordered on UberEats when your phone chimed.
Topper: hey you doing okay?
Tossing the phone back on the bed, you used the chopsticks to dip a piece of beef into the speciality sauce before eating it.
Your phone chimed again.
Topper: We were friends before you started dating Rafe, remember? I care about you too.
You: I assume Rafe told you everything?
Topper: Just that you had an argument and you’re on a break
You: Well that’s an oversimplification.
Topper: I’m throwing a party tonight. You should come.
You: I’m not exactly in the mood to get hit on by a bunch of drunk dudes.
Topper: Stick by me and you won’t have that problem.
You: You’re right. Instead, you would have a Rafe sized problem.
Topper: I’m not scared of Rafe.
Topper: Just come by for a few. It makes me feel uneasy that you’re by yourself at home all this time.
Topper: Please.
You: Fine, Topper.
Topper: Great! I’m on my way.
**
You hated yourself for how quick your eyes locked in on Rafe as soon as he walked into the party wearing a navy blue shirt and a white hat that matched his white cargo shorts.
He dapped up a few guys that greeted him by the front door and looked straight up to where you were sitting next to Topper.
He found you almost immediately with an expressionless face.
Your heart skipped a beat that he looked for you but that feeling of elation left you as quickly as it came.
He didn’t reach out to you for three days. No call. No text. No apology. He was done and now it was your turn to feel the same.
“You two are like magnets,” Topper says from behind you. “Toxic ones,” he eventually adds with a chuckle.
“I knew you were going to say that,” you teased, playfully hitting his shoulder.
Sadness kicked your gut when two girls approached Rafe, one of them ran her hands over his chest as she went to whisper something in his ear.
“I’m going to grab another drink.” You said when you notice Rafe coming up the stairs with the girls.
“I’ll come with you,” you gave him a look. “What? I meant it when I said stick by me. Let’s go.”
He lets you lead the way and you go down the second set of stairs but you stopped abruptly, peering down at your jewelry.
Everything you were wearing was gifted to you by Rafe, even down to the earrings. You still wore the R golden plate necklace and matching anklet. You had his signet ring on your thumb because that was the only finger it could fit.
“Everything okay, Y/N?” Topper questions. Rafe was watching the entire interaction from the loveseat you and Topper were just sitting on.
You bent down to take off your anklet and moved to take off your earrings next.
“Can you help me take off the necklace?” You asked, pulling off the ring and placing it with the other jewelry.
“Sure,” he agrees, pushing your passion twists out of the way.
You felt his warm hand brushing against the back of your neck when he unclasped the necklace.
He put the necklace in your outstretched hand. You walked back up the few stairs you crossed and approached Rafe whose eyes were still trained on you.
You let out a shaky breath before taking his warm hand into your own and giving him the jewelry. You were beginning to miss his touch.
Guilt flashed across his face, looking down at his hand. You avoided his gaze and left him without another word, rushing down the stairs and Topper followed after you.
“Well that was dramatic,” one of the girls says, rolling her eyes while her friend eyes the gold carat in Rafe’s hand that easily amounted to 75k.
“Can I have the earrings?” She asked and before Rafe could respond, she reached for them anyway.
Rafe caught her hand in a tight grip and she whimpers at the pressure.
“You’re hurting me,” she groans.
“No one told you to touch what’s hers,” he shoves her to the ground. “Hey! You asshole!” Her friend snaps, standing from the couch and helps her friend to her feet.
He doesn’t spare them another glance as he digs in his pocket for a baggie to do a few lines.
“Y/N,” Topper calls, finally catching up with you in the kitchen. “Are you okay?” He asks you, examining your face for anything he could read.
“You should check on him,” you poured yourself a shot in a small solo cup and knocked it back, barely making a face.
“I’m checking up on you,” “It needed to be done, okay. All of it were just reminders of what I don’t have anymore.” You explain, pouring yourself another shot.
“That was very brave for you to do.” “Then why do I feel like shit?” You huffed after taking another shot and he stops you from pouring another one.
“Because the break up is still fresh, Y/N.” He looks at you like you’re going to fall apart before his very eyes.
His soft eyes examines your face for any micro expression that could give away what you’re thinking.
“Look, Top. I know you’re trying to help and all but if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to cry.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“I want to enjoy your party. Your birthday is tomorrow. You shouldn’t be spending it watching me cry.”
“That’s not happening. I’m not leaving you.” He shakes his head and you took his hands into yours, much like you did with Rafe.
But Rafe’s hand were warmer.
“It doesn’t make you a bad friend. I’ll find Sarah.” He studied your face once again and you gave him a soft smile.
“Go,” “Alright,” he says, not bothering to hide his disappointment. “I’ll come find you in like ten minutes.”
“Take your time,” he leaves the kitchen and you let out a deep sigh. You shouldn’t be here.
But you didn’t have the heart to ditch Topper on his birthday rager.
You pressed your palms into the cool, granite countertop and bowed your head to release the tension in your neck.
You hadn’t realize someone was in the kitchen with you until you heard footsteps and someone’s low voice. To your surprise, it was Pope standing on the other side of the counter.
“Sorry, were you saying something?” You asked softly, the shot were slowly starting to get to you.
“I said you are too pretty and insanely smart to be treated like an option.”
That was the nicest thing anyone said to you. You haven’t felt valued in a long time.
“Thanks, Pope. That really means a lot.”
His mouth fell open at your words. “You know who I am?”
“Yes I know who you are. Your family makes the best seafood boils in town.” You explained with a chuckle.
“She knows my name,” he said to himself, which he quickly realized you can hear.
“I should haven’t said that out loud,” he admits and you let out a laugh.
“You’re cute,” he scratches the back of his neck to hide how flustered he way. “Um, are you hiding from Rafe in here?”
“Yes, I am.” You admitted, crossing your arms. “Well if you want some company, my friends are by the bonfire outside. If you want to join. O-only if you want to. I’m not trying to force anything or-“
You interrupted his rant to say, “Sure. I’ll go with you.” You took a solo cup and swung by the keg on the way out, offering some to Pope.
“By the way, what makes you think I’m insanely smart?” “I’m a TA for Mr. Patterson. He still uses your test as a grading key.” He explains after taking a swig of your beer.
“Of course he does. I loved his class.” You admitted with a chuckle. “What is this?”
JJ stands from the chair and motions between you and Pope with his ringed pinky.
“I told her she can hang out with us.” “Hey, JJ.” You greet with a small wave.
“‘Sup, sweetheart. Want a hit?” He offered a blunt to you and you graciously accepted.
He had a grin on his face as he watched you take a hit. He expected you to cough or at least have your eyes water from the potency but much to his surprise, you exhaled the puff of smoke slowly without a fuss.
The mix of the weed and the tequila was throwing your head in a spin. “Never pegged you to be a pothead,” “I’m full of surprises, Maybank.”
A drunk Rafe stumbles outside in search for you when he finds you laughing with Pope and JJ.
JJ noticed your shivering whenever there was a breeze and peeled off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders.
Rafe wasn’t even aware what was happening until his vision started to blur.
He was crying.
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hazshit-hotel-hater · 23 hours
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What gets me with Vel is that we see she has a good rapport with her coworkers/friends. She may sometimes roll her eyes at the other two and their antics and of course when her direct business gets interrupted she gets frustrated, but we mostly see her on good grounds with the rest of the Vees. They respect her when it comes to serious business and in that last scene of the season they all look to be very much on the same page and in it together, smiling about their future... yet fanon (if it isn't infantalizing her as you've pointed out) is constantly projecting "angry black woman" stereotypes onto her.
It's gross and in my opinion clearly racially motivated that they see her as nothing more than a "bitchy" woman of color. While the fanon I've seen also has separate gross issues with Vox and Val they are at least allowed some nuance on occasion, but I just don't ever see that with Vel, she's just an angry woman rendered to the background in their eyes stripped completely of her professionalism, intellect, and cunning. She's one of my faves and it sucks so bad to see.
Hi. :) I wrote 5 paragraphs in response to this question and Tumblr so graciously decided to delete fucking all of it. :)
The Hazbin Hotel fandom has a serious racism problem and not enough people are talking about it. Aside from the infantilization of Velvette, other BIPOC characters are put into stupid stereotypes or treated like children because either Vivzie can’t handle writing competently or the fandom doesn’t know how to behave themselves. This is especially apparent for the women, but—and this is probably the only time I will talk about him in this way—Valentino is also suffering from this shitass issue.
Firstly about Velvette, just like how this said, Velvette used to be treated like a child in canon (now fanon) and is being portrayed as only a sassy angry black woman by the fandom. This is disgusting! I don’t think I need to say that! For some reason (misogyny) the Hazbin fandom just has this thing where they take a POC person or a woman—usually both—and decide to treat them like a child. Best examples being Niffty and Velvette being portrayed as Angel & Husk’s and Vox & Valentino’s children. Niffty is 22 and Velvette is in her 30’s. And of course they are both POC. I know there’s going to be someone accusing me of just whining about racism or being like “not everything is about race” but shut the fuck up because I’m busy talking.
I think the best scene to depict Velvette’s character—even though she hardly has any scenes. It shows that she will and can respect her colleagues but for other people, you either need to give her something she wants or her respect needs to be earned. She literally sings a whole song about it.
For other characters like Niffty I have a post for her in the works so I won’t spill it all here, but I can’t in good faith talk about the racism problem without mentioning Valentino. The fact Vivzie has made her worst character into the basic tall hot hispanic/latino man with the hot spanish accent stereotype. Honestly this sort of stereotype doesn’t bother me much, there’s a few villain characters I like with it like Alejandro from TDI, but Vivzie making this a big aggressive and dangerous POC person abusing a sad little white guy just grosses me out. It’s not like the situation would be any better if Angel wasn’t white, but it really does just leave that extra sour taste in my mouth.
Also I don’t need to explain why 90% of the POC cast being fucking grey or purple or blue is bad right.
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lonesome-witching · 3 days
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You Shouldn't Be
Robin gets bullied in this one. I'm sick and tired and I have an early day tomorrow so please forgive me.
Do you have any prompts yourself? Or do you want to dive into what I wrote before? You can read my previous prompts or send me some new ones.
It wasn’t anything new. That didn’t mean it stopped hurting. Some things never stopped hurting. Some things like her mom telling her that her rambling was a flaw. Or her classmates shouting insults she told herself every night. She wasn’t sure how they had figured it out or if they didn’t even now at all. Maybe they just thought this was the worst insult in the world. To Robin it might have been.
So, she did all she could. She kept her head down, avoided confrontation, bit her tongue when she had to, and she had to. She did everything to become as invisible as she could. She did everything, and yet it wasn’t enough. Because those vile words were still thrown her way. She couldn’t walk through the hallway without being confronted with it.
Tommy Hagan was the worst one. He never gave her a second to breath. Jason Carver wasn’t much better. Robin sometimes wondered what they got out of it. Maybe it was overcompensation.
“There’s dyke Buckley!” Jason shouted as Robin exited the building.
Her eyes scanned the parking lot. She knew Steve was somewhere around. He always was. He always parked in front of the school, he always picked her up. She couldn’t see him now.
“What’s going on, Buckley? Are you upset?” One of Jason’s friends was laughing. It made him sound like a broken record.
“Don’t you know you are supposed to look at the people who are talking to you?” Jason stepped closer. Robin stepped away.
“I think they should kick you out of school. I feel bad for all those poor girls that have to get changed in the same room as you. Do you stare at them when they take their bra off, Buckley? Are you a freaking pervert? You are disgusting.”
“I’m not disgusting,” Robin whispered to herself. She wasn’t sure she believed herself.
“You don’t think you’re disgusting, Buckley? You think it’s normal to get off to the image of your friends?”
“I don’t­—”
“Oh, fuck off, Jason.”
Robin turned around to see Nancy Wheeler approaching, her bag hanging off her left shoulder. She was wearing a pink skirt, and a light blue blouse and Robin vaguely registered it should look ridiculous, but it didn’t. Nancy looked great. Even despite the scowl on her face. Possibly due to the scowl on her face.
“This isn’t about you, Wheeler.”
“Well, frankly, I think it is. Because me and Robin have gym together. Didn’t you worry about the safety of the girls who shared a locker room with her?”
“What?”
“I have to say I can’t complain. I would much rather share a locker room with Robin than with you and your goons any day.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, at least Robin has some decency. Can’t be said from you. How many times have you asked me to fuck you again? And that whilst you have a girlfriend. What does Chrissy think of that?”
“You keep your mouth shut to Chrissy.”
“You leave Robin alone and I’ll consider it.”
Steve rushed forward. Robin wasn’t sure where he had come from. “Jason, back the fuck off.”
Jason’s eyes were still boring a hole in Nancy’s face. Robin could only assume he was debating whether or not she was bluffing. Robin doubted she was. She had never caught Nancy in a bluff before, and she knew Nancy wasn’t a good liar.
“Back off,” Steve shouted, pulling Jason away from them.
“Don’t touch me,” Jason shouted back.
“You better stay the fuck away from my friends, Carver.”
“You’re pathetic, king Steve.” But Jason turned away.
“Are you alright, Robin?” Nancy asked first, placing her left hand on Robin’s arm. It felt far too intimate for a public parking lot.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I’m used to it.”
“You shouldn’t be,” Steve chimed in.
“Steve’s right,” Nancy agreed. Her hand fell back down.
“It’s alright, guys. I’ll survive.”
Robin walked away in what she hoped was the direction of Steve’s car.
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poppyseed799 · 5 months
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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goldensunset · 3 months
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i cannot stand those quirky overly-friendly-to-the-point-of-crossing-boundaries teachers and professors who make you do icebreakers or fun facts about yourself at the beginning of the semester bc their questions are always the exact sort of stuff that you never wanna answer. but they just keep asking bc they think you’re just being shy and cute. ‘what are your hobbies? what kind of music do you like? what’s a topic very personal and important to you?’ MAN i am not subjecting myself to public humiliation like that for being very far removed from the norm nor am i opening up about my deep-seated personal problems. i don’t know you i don’t respect you you are not entitled to anything outside of my graded work. i’m just trying to prevent everybody in the room including you and i from becoming incredibly uncomfortable. just take the hint when i deflect your questions and pretend to be boring
#my sociology professor was asking us all for our current favorite song to add to the class playlist that he plays a bit from every morning#even if i had a single favorite song i wouldn’t tell him#even if he wasn’t gonna play it in front of others i wouldn’t tell him#he was like ‘ahhh what a diverse and fascinating sample of different genres we’ve collected here from your responses!’#three taylor swift songs. some respectable rock and rap stuff. basically it#i am not about to submit my japanese robots singing about the most unhinged and frightening topics known to man#some of us actually got bullied as children and learned to never be honest ever again especially not when we don’t have friends with us#i could explain to him why i like the things i like#but i’m not about to be that vulnerable?? hello???? i already know he wouldn’t understand or care even if he didn’t say anything mean#ok hot take but i actually kinda don’t like the discourse surrounding infodumping#like ‘it’s ok to just talk at me about the things you like! :)’ ok but if i don’t have clear confirmation that you like it too#then it feels like you’re just listening to me out of pity#you could be as nice as possible but if you don’t ask followup questions or express any sort of favorite part or interesting detail#i will feel awful and be like ok never doing that again#maybe that’s just my personal flavor of mental illness#i never got like. told to shut up or anything when talking#but i did get the awkward silence or ‘light-hearted’ mockery#so i figured shutting myself up was for the best#peach rambles
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byakuyasdarling · 9 months
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.
#vent in tags#(because it’s less embarassing here)#I don’t want to get into every grimly detail#anyway so tired of the parent I live with calling#me a bad person most days — or lazy or selfish or inattentive#I’m so tired of hearing them say I have no charisma and am socially incompetent#and that I’m not quiet and when I say o don’t talk nearly as much or as loud as they do they say I’m gaslighting#I’m literslly always called a gaslighter.#I dint understand what I did or what’s so hard to understand about me#I know it’s difficult being them but they’re such a hypocrite s;l the time#like 2 days ago when they said for me to internalise my thoughts and I barely even speak to them anymore#and they go on ranting about my estranged parent constantly unprompted to me and my brother and calling them VERY derogatory terms#we do not need the fact one of our parent’s left us constantly rubbed in our face! my family members (other) said they should internalise it#so I know I’m not crazy and they’re being a hypocrite.#but I feel I’m victimising myself to create cognitive dissonance and I am bad and lazy#and that I’m using trauma and my terrible anxiety (which I’ve been trying to improve on) as a shield to those facts#I feel crazy I feel I’m the wrong who’s wrong#I think 2 different things — that they’re actually in the wrong but I could be trapped in my own head#I don’t know I don’t know why I’m blamed for every misfortune#I can’t stand Io for myself because as soon as I talk I’m told to shut up. say I’m wrong. and do what I’m told.#I hate this I hate having a parent who doesn’t want me much and the other who calls me a burden#they used to be really good parents I don’t even know ‘maybe they are and I want to displace blame#I’m so confused#I don’t want to live as anyone else though because losing any of my abilities terrifies me. because I know internally I’m still capable#vent tw#tw vent#tw parental issues#tw negative
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victory-cookies · 10 months
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the only irl friend I have that I feel comfortable actually talking about the things I enjoy with just insulted me for gushing about smth to her over snap last night and now I want to cry
#this is going in the tags bc it’s stupid but it’s making me sad so#the only irl friend I have that I actually felt comfortable sharing my interests with just made fun of me#for gushing to her about smth over snap last night#and I’m at work rn so I can’t even cry bc in a few minutes I’m back out on the floor#but just like. I think I have rsd (especially around my interests and then my intelligence but that’s not pertinent here)#so I’ve never really been super open about what things interest me bc when I get made fun of for it or those things get insulted#It really hurts#the only people I’ve really felt comfortable opening up to are like. Sid obv and then this one friend of mine#bc the two of us found out we shared some interests and started like. telling each other about other things we like#I’d tell her about my silly little tv shows and podcasts and she’d tell me about the movies and books she was into#and I’ve explained to her before how I’ve never really been comfortable enough to talk about that shit and how I appreciated her being kind#and not insulting me like other people have in the past#but today I’m sitting on break and watching the replies she sent me and one of them is just a clip in response to my video from last night#where she just goes ‘girl I literally don’t care’ (and this was not in a joking way like that was her response#and it was in a tone that implied ‘so shut up about it’)#and like I get it! I am often not interested in the things that people tell me about! but I try to be earnest and engaged#and I can understand loving smth and wanting to share it with others! and how it sucks when people are then mean about it!#like when she tells me about a teen drama romance book or sends me instagram reels of cake decorating I try to respond with enthusiasm!#bc while the content may not interest me I like hearing about the things she enjoys and I’m glad she feels open to telling me about stuff!#but now I don’t want to share shit with her anymore bc this has given me a huge spike in anxiety and I feel like shit#idk. it’s stupid but it sucks#vent#ig
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notveryshrugemoji · 2 years
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Your kind words about pencil crayons did not go unnoticed. Correcting my earlier post they’re actually Prismacolor, not Prismacolour. Anyway I got the Under the Sea pack (obviously) lol
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#i think all of the things that *stick* with me are things I don’t reeeeeally talk about on here#sometimes I have some deep introspective thought about it while I’m#high and then I move on lol#like y’all I lost 60 pounds last year and hardly mentioned it here????#i know I talked about it but not REALLY about everything#it’s like they’re habit so I don’t think to post here? ya know? anyway I’ll never show you any art because that makes me feel itchy#I’ve been actually learning! im focusing on faces right now and I really want to learn how to draw#i don’t mean realism I just mean I want to find some sort of style I enjoy doing#if you guys have any resources you want to share it would be awesome even book recs would be greatly appreciated#anyway art is fun and I think you should do it sometime#it feels good and it forces me to be more observant & becoming more reflexive now when I’m out in the wild#i take more pictures now!!! maybe I’ll share sometime#and I’m talking like any of this is good or even considered art lmaoooo it’s not#but I’m having a lot of fun!!!#i like pencil crayons and water colour and definitely black scratchy pens#i use a lot of washi tape and I’ve got like 3 books on the go#one is for *serious attempts lol* one is for *fuckin around* and one is for *actual art lesson practice*#I’m just watching YouTube and vibing mostly#the cool thing about learning from people on the internet is just how encouraging they are to keep working at it#anyway if every post tonight isn’t some indication that the bong rips I took tonight almost took me out l m f a o like bitch SHUT UP now#go do some art and SHUT UP hahahahaha#okay okay okay love u thanks for listening#this is truly my most cherished place on the internet#I’m glad we didn’t turn into Reddit weirdos lol#i kind of did but tumblr is home lol okay GOODNIGHy
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legofbicuriosity · 1 year
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i hate you expectation of romance i hate you seeing romantic subtext in the most mundane interactions i hate you amatonormativity i hate y
#SHUT UP#SHUT UPPPPPPPP SHUT UP#the other day i posted a bereal of me and my cousin standing like 5 feet apart like 😁✌🏼 just cheesin. and having a good time.#and two of my friends reacted to it with like 😏😏 faces#and it was so uncomfortable#granted they didn’t know he was my cousin but like. even if he wasn’t. can i not have friends????????? lol#can i not hang out with guys without y’all being fucking weird about it#and if they’re gonna be like that where’s this energy for literally everyone in my life then. u Know i’m gay#and the other day i was at a building party and i was talking to my roommate and he was telling me abt how he wanted to play ping pong#and then i went to talk to this girl i met at the party and i was like haha yah that’s my roommate and she was like oh him? i thought he was#flirting with you#and like ????????????#why is that the first assumption you make????#sorry i’m bubbly and sociable sorry you’re not capable of seeing normal interactions as they are#sorry i assert myself in conversations because i’ll be talked over if i don’t#i think it’s a cultural thing also but. i’m not rlly used to it bc my close friends are Not like that#my best friend was telling me abt how every time she goes out for lunch with one of her guy friends the ppl in her uni (bc it’s quite small)#would always teasingly be like ‘omg are u cheating on your bf🤭🤭’#?????? HELLO???????? oh my god#are u not tired. are u not Exhausted#BECAUSE I AM#i hate people oh my god#like it literally does nothing but make things uncomfortable#anyways#delete later#i was just a little bit annoyed. tiny bit🤏🏼🤏🏼
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citrusghost-etc · 2 years
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some days i fucking hate being trans and autistic i fucking hate it i don’t want to be like this it fucking sucks and i hate it
#i’m overwhelmed all the time#the things i need done for me im called unreasonable for bc i’m old enough to do it myself and just lazy#and i have money so i should just go buy food if i can’t prepare it#well i need that fucking money for my transition which is another thing i won’t get help with#so fuck all of you shut the fuck up you’re so fucking loud and obnoxious and don’t give a FUCK about me#i fucking hate all of this you make me feel inferior and embarrassed and miserable and dysphoric#so fucking go away never talk to me again leave me alone fuck off what’d be the fucking difference#you clearly don’t give a duck about me when it really matters#i had to try to kill myself to finally get any of you to care#and i guess i’m far enough removed from it now that i should just be fucking fixed!#not even my goddamn THERAPIST is getting back ti me it’s been three fucking weeks and all of a sudden she won’t respond to my texts or give#me an appt#i fucking hate this why am i alone#why do i have no friends#why is everyone and everything else always more important that me#why CANT i be the priority#why CANT you accommodate for ME#why CANT you use my motherfucking pronouns#why CANT you change my name in your fucking systems#why CANT insurance cover anytbing#why CANT my fucking parents help me with it????#why is existing like this so fucking terrible????????#fuck i feel so fucking miserable#i’m not gonna get to eat for at least 6 hrs today#and i’m already so fucki mg hungry#stop fucking TALKING about me keep my (dead)name out of your goddamn mouth there is absolutely nothing you get to say about me#or to me#fuxkOFF#i’m so fucking alone and ya know what? i wish i could just go back to bed and have more of those fucking rediculous and violent dreams
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Why do Some People constantly have to prove how smart they are
#it’s exhausting#like I’m just trying to have a normal conversation I don’t CARE#men are the most annoying creatures in the world#not all of them#but god I swear I know most of the ones that are#like even when I’m actually asking for him to teach me something#(which usually I’m not and he just decides it’s time for me to learn something I already know)#he uses super big words and makes things more confusing#when u do that. you’re just showing that you don’t know the topic well enough YOURSELF to properly explain it to someone else#anyways this is probably on me for giving him the benefit of the doubt and asking questions#actually I’m not done complaining#one time he asked me about my research#and TWO seconds after I started talking#he began interrupting to ask questions to prove how smart he is#and I’ve talked to So Many people about my research who are Much Much smarter than him#and they never made me feel dumb like he does#and then yesterday I was like ‘wow that lecture sucked for me I bet it did for u too cause ur not aerospace”’#and he was like ‘no actually I understood most of it because I took a class 5 years ago’ SHUT THE FUCK UP#EVERY other person including aerospace people were like 👁____👁 during that lecture#u taking a class five years ago on it does not make u more qualified than everyone else who actually studied this subject for four years!!#ugh he’s so annoying#and this is not me complaining cause maybe he’s smarter than me#he probably is#but people generally aren’t this assholey about it#and I’ve been watching M (another much nicer guy) for a while in our classes#and he’s much MUCH smarter than L#u can tell solely by the kinds of questions he asks#but he never ever makes me feel dumb like L does#if you’ve gotten this far thank u for listening#i really should not be this annoyed I’m gonna have to be coworkers with him for a hot min
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