#I’m religious about my birth control

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

My Alpha

This is kind of a long one shot (5619 words!), but I thought I'd try my hand at the ABO!/Omegaverse. Hope you like it!

Being an omega wasn’t always a bad thing.  At least that’s what she told herself repeatedly as she religiously took hormone blocking birth control pills and wore scent blockers on the daily.  Y/N hadn’t had a heat in years and wasn’t planning on letting up any time soon.  She had started working as a personal assistant for the Avengers under Tony Stark years before, going through the Sokovia Accords debacle, surviving the Blip, losing Natasha, Tony, Steve, T'Challa, and all the other strange and traumatic things that happened during her tenure.  She had denied her biology to get this job, not wanting it to affect her performance or be a target while being surrounded by literal super Alphas in this field.  And as hard as the job was, she loved it.

One of the greatest highlights was gaining Bucky Barnes as a friend.  While other Alphas she had come across were domineering, he was compassionate and kind.  He very rarely lost his composure like others did during high pressure situations in missions, and never fought over who was in charge.  He was incredibly careful to make sure everyone around him felt comfortable in his presence.  After finally shaking the Winter Soldier programming he didn’t want to ever lose control of himself again, and with the super soldier serum messing with his hormones to the extent that he was nearly feral during ruts, he would isolate himself away to keep her and others safe.  

Y/N felt like she could talk to him about anything, and he felt the same.  She was his sanctuary after rough missions, one of the few people that could break him out of a deep depressive state or the nightmares that still plagued him.  He knew she was an Omega but could barely smell her because of her blockers, which he both loved and hated.  Loved because it made it so they could be friends without the weird biological dynamics getting in the way, and hated because he was super curious about what her scent was.  They had fallen for each other long ago, but were both too afraid to do anything about it.

As they both relaxed during a rare weekend off they got on the topic of Omega versus Alpha traits.  “I get it, Alphas can be rough, but don’t you want to mate someday?  Find someone special to settle down with?  Maybe have a family?”

She sighed.  “Of course I do, Buck.”

“Then what are you afraid of?” he asked gently.

“Not having a clear choice,” she answered simply, giving him a sharp look.  “I don’t want my biology to decide my fate.  So many Omegas get stuck being mated with bad Alphas because their heats were uncontrollable and the Alpha wouldn’t take no for an answer.  I know that I’m predestined to be a nurturer.  Hell, that’s what my job is now, taking care of all of you guys!  But I should get to choose who I end up with based on love, not by body’s reactions.” Bucky nodded in understanding, looking down at his intertwined hands.  “Do you want to settle down someday?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.  “I just don’t know how it would work out.  This job…my past.  It all points towards disaster at any given time.”

She slid over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders awkwardly as she sat next to him.  “You deserve a happy ever after, Bucky.”

“You do, too, you know,” he reminded her, resting his head on top of hers.

“Mmh, maybe someday,” she said wistfully as she undid her embrace and leaned back against the couch.

“So, anyways,” he cleared his throat.  “Is it true that Omegas have a better sense of smell than Alphas or Betas?  Like you can pick up on others’ scents and identify them really well?”

She laughed.  “Yes, it’s true.”

“Really?  Okay, what does…” he scanned the room as other Avengers milled in and out.  “Peter.  What does Spidey smell like?” He tested her, watching her expectantly.

She took a look at Peter across the room, her nose slightly flaring as she took in a whiff from his direction.  “He always smells like fresh bagels to me.  You know the smell of just-baked bread?  Kinda like that.  Mixed with a little bit of hazelnut.”

Bucky looked at her in awe.  “Yeah I kinda get that off of him.  Alphas can smell and track scents but not to that level.”

“Hm, that’s interesting,” she said as her eyebrows furrowed.  

“Now how about Sam?” he asked excitedly, hoping it would be something not so pleasant he could tease him about.

“Ha, Sam is Cajun seasoning with a sweet lemony undertone.  Like really well done seafood,” she answered quickly with a smile on her face, knowing Bucky would be disappointed in that answer.

Bucky frowned as he thought about who to ask of next.  “Okay, how about…Steve?” He knew it was a long shot.  Steve had been gone for a few years now, so she probably wouldn’t remember.  But she gave him a soft smile.

“Steve was smoky, like fireworks.  A summer night that ends with warm apple crisp and melting vanilla ice cream on top,” she said as she stared out the window, a dazed look in her eyes as she remembered him.

“Wow…” Bucky whispered.  “I always got the fireworks, and something like a picnic.  But now that you say it, yeah, apple with vanilla.”

“Yep, he was truly all American,” she winked at him.

He laughed as he turned towards her on the couch.  “How about, um…me?”

She gazed at him, her expression softening as her nose flared again and she huffed out the breath she’d taken.  “Smoky, like Steve, but different.”

“Like gunpowder?” he asked suddenly, his eyes searching hers.  He had been told that before and was hoping they were wrong.

“No, not gunpowder.  More like…” she sniffed again but frowned.  “Do you mind if I…?” she gestured her finger from herself to him.

“Yeah, go ahead,” he said, opening himself up for her to scoot closer to him.  She leaned in towards his neck, the best place to scent someone, and breathed in a slow sniff of him.  She closed her eyes.

“Campfire.  A campfire on the beach.  And the smell of the ocean after it rains,” she said resolutely, opening her eyes to look at him.  Their faces were close as he stared at her.  “But no, not gunpowder,” she reassured him.

“That’s good,” he breathed, his eyes shifting from her eyes down to her lips and back.

Her eyes suddenly widened, her brow furrowing and she pulled herself away quickly.  “I, um…I need to go…excuse me,” she said hurriedly before she jumped off the couch and power-walked down the hall towards her room.

“Wait, Y/N, are you okay?” Bucky stood from the couch as he watched her leave.

“Yeah!  I’ll talk to you later!” she yelled back without looking, her voice sounded strained.

“What the hell?” he asked himself quietly, looking around him like something had jumped out and spooked her.

Once she was out of sight she ran to her room and had Friday bolt the door.  She doubled over in pain and clutched her stomach.  “No way,” she moaned as she reached for her phone and called for help.

“Hey you, how are ya?” Bruce asked when he answered the call.

“Bruce,” her voice was pained as she held in another moan.  “I need help, something’s wrong.”

“What?  What’s going on?” he sounded worried, the rustling of papers and beeping from a screen by him going off.

“It feels…like a heat?  But that’s not possible, right?  We made sure of it,” she grunted as another cramp shot through her abdomen, and just as suddenly as it all started, it suddenly stopped, leaving her gasping.  “Wait, now it stopped?  What the hell is happening?”

“Come down to the lab, right now.  We’ll get you tested.”

She didn’t need to be told twice as she hung up and crept out of her room towards the elevator.  She was able to get in and down to the lab a few floors away without being caught by Bucky or anybody else.  She ran into the lab in a panic.  Bruce was already setting up the medical bay in the back with everything needed to do a check-up, some vials next to the other instruments.

“Hey, let’s take some blood and see what’s going on,” he called out to her when he heard the doors slide open.  She jogged to the bed and hopped up on it, taking off her cardigan so he could access the veins in her arm better.  After a quick routine check up he took a few vials of her blood then stepped out towards all the equipment he had for medical and scientific tests.  

He worked silently as she sat there deep in thought.  It can’t be, she tried to reassure herself.  I’ve been so careful.  Not missed a single pill ever.  This can’t be happening.  After about an hour Bruce came back with a screen in his hand, his eyebrows hung low over his eyes and a frown on his face.

“Y/N, it’s…it’s not working anymore,” he said softly, his eyes sad and confused as he looked at her.

“What do you mean?” she asked hesitantly, her eyes widening.

“The hormone blockers, the pills…your body isn’t responding to them anymore.  Your hormones are syncing back to normal Omega levels.  Your heats are going to come back.”

“No, no no no no no…NO Bruce!  I can’t.  Please, there’s gotta be another pill to try, a shot, an implant, something?  Anything, please?” she began to cry.  

“I’m sorry Y/N.  We already got you the best blockers that are available out there.  If your body is weaning off of them it means your biology is taking over, probably because you’re getting older and it’s fighting back to have a chance at mating.  I’m so sorry,” he showed her the hormone levels on a chart on the screen, pointing out the differences and then setting it down.  “There’s nothing I can do.  Nothing you can do but prepare yourself for it to start again.  And your first one is probably going to be brutal after avoiding them for so long.  You’ll need help–”

“NO!  No, I can’t do this.  I can’t ask some random Alpha for help.  This isn’t fair!” she cried harder, hiding her face in her hands.  Bruce patted her on the back, trying to help ease her pain by giving off a calming scent.  He was also an Omega and knew how much this meant to her.  

“It will be alright, Y/N.  You have friends here who will help you without making it awkward between you and them, or won’t immediately try mating with you during your heat.  They’re good Alphas.  They won’t hurt you or take advantage of you,” he promised.

She tried to calm the loud beating of her heart that was wringing in her ears, a panic attack trying to settle deep in her bones that she was fighting back.  “How long do I have until it comes?” she sighed as she sniffled.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.  With it being so long since you last had one it could be next week or it could be in a couple of months,” he answered gravely.

“Ugh, great,” she laughed as she wiped her tears away.  “No choice, whatsoever.  My body ultimately got to decide for me after all.  Wonderful,” she spat as she jumped down off the bed.  “Thank you, Bruce, for testing.  I just…I need to go sleep this off, I don’t know,” she said, giving him a quick hug and then leaving the lab.  

She took the elevator back up to her floor, her eyes stinging from the hot tears still slowly falling down.  Her heat was coming back, and with a vengeance.  She would need help.  Who would she ask?  Any of the unmated superhero Alphas would probably say yes, though she knew she only wanted one.  But how could she ask this of him?  And if he did help, how could she go on with their friendship as if nothing had happened between them afterwards?

The elevator opened and she trudged into the common room.  The floor was already dark as twilight set in and everyone had split off to their rooms.  She slipped into the kitchen since she missed dinner while down in the lab to grab something to eat, although she wasn’t particularly hungry.  As she made herself a sandwich she turned to grab a knife then saw a figure in the corner at the dining table.

“Jesus!  Fuck, Bucky you scared me,” she gasped, holding a hand over her heart.

“Sorry, honey,” he grunted as he sat watching her.  “Why are you crying?”

She stiffened as she looked at him, trying to act nonchalant as she grabbed the knife and turned back to her sandwich.  “I’m not, I’m just tired,” she waved him off, quickly cutting the sandwich and putting the ingredients and dishes away to escape.

“Don’t lie to me Y/N.  What’s wrong?” he stood, walking towards her.  She reached for the refrigerator door to get a drink, which he quickly shut and stared her down.  She wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“Come on Buck, I just need a drink,” she complained as she tried to open the door again, reaching for the handle.  Bucky grabbed her wrist firmly and leaned in towards her.

“What’s wrong Y/N?  You ran away earlier and now you smell…off,” he said, searching her eyes as his nose flared at the scent she was radiating.  His frown deepened and his eyes looked worried.  “Why are you afraid?  Was it me?  Did I do something wrong?”

“No!  Oh no, Bucky, it’s not you,” she said, her eyes widening.  “It’s me, it’s just…” her eyes welled up with tears again, spilling onto her cheeks as she sucked in a sharp breath.  “It’s me,” she sobbed, leaning forward til her forehead rested against his chest.

“Oh honey,” Bucky sighed.  He put his hands under her armpits and lifted her onto the counter so she was eye level with him.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face in his shoulder, crying harder as he enveloped her, his hands rubbing up and down her back as he whispered reassuring words to her.  They sat holding each other for a while, Bucky letting her cry it out and Y/N relishing the comfort.  As her cries died down and her grip loosened around his neck he pulled back.

“Tell me what’s wrong, please?  You’re breaking an old man’s heart,” he pleaded, hating to see her hurting so much.

Y/N chuckled at him calling himself an old man as she wiped her nose with her sleeve.  Bucky held her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs.  She let herself enjoy his touch before she sniffled and finally looked up at him.

“When I was talking to you earlier, I felt this weird pain,” she explained quietly.  Bucky nodded, listening intently as he held her face still.  “That’s why I ran out.  I went to Bruce’s lab to test me because it felt like…like a heat,” she sniffled again, looking down at her lap.  Bucky nodded again, his hands releasing her face and reaching for her hands to hold.  “I haven’t had one in years.”  This surprised him.  He knew there were new ways of birth control for Omegas now, giving them a lot more options than to just mate and reproduce and take care of their Alphas and pups like the old days, which he thought was great.  He just didn’t realize it could be for so long.  “And now, apparently, the hormone blockers aren’t working anymore,” she gripped his fingers tightly.  “My body is rejecting them, weaning off of them and reverting back to normal hormone levels.  My heat is coming,” she sucked in another sharp breath.  “I don’t know when, but he said it’s going to be brutal since I’ve been avoiding them for so long.  He said I’ll need help and…and I don’t know what to do.”  Her voice shook as she looked up at him again.  “I’m scared,” she whispered.

Bucky could feel her panic and gave off what he hoped was a calming scent.  It seemed to help as her eyes fluttered shut and her shoulders visibly relaxed.  The Alpha in him hummed in satisfaction as he swept his thumbs over her knuckles.  “You don’t need to be scared, Y/N.  It’s going to be okay,” he tried to placate her.  “Listen, I know earlier you said you wanted a choice, and now your body’s not giving you one.”  She nodded, a few more tears slipping out the sides of her eyes.  “I…I can help you,” he said, gulping back the lump in his throat.  Her eyes snapped up to him, a look of shock on her face.  “I know that I’m offering something kinda crazy.  But I promise you I won’t hurt you, I won’t make you court me if you don’t want to, and I won’t forcibly mate with you.”  He looked her deep in her eyes to try to get her to understand.  “But I’d be honored to help you.”

Y/N couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.  She had wanted to ask him and now he was offering himself for her to get through this first heat.  She licked her lips and contemplated it.  “I just don’t want it to ruin our friendship,” she sniffed again, her eyes searching his face for hesitation.

“It won’t,” he said earnestly.  

“...Okay,” she agreed.  

Bucky smiled as he squeezed her fingers.  “Okay.”

“Thank you, Bucky.  You’re a good Alpha,” she thanked him, lifting his hands up and kissing his knuckles.

His eyes fluttered shut and he cleared his throat.  “You should probably not call me that, at least not right now.”

Her eyes widened.  “Oh!  God, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean–”

“It’s okay, honey, it’s fine,” he chuckled.  “Whenever it hits you, just call me, and I’ll be there.”

She gave him a warm smile in appreciation.  They were playing with fire, and they both knew it deep down, but were denying it heavily.

***

Y/N could feel her hormones changing her body and mind.  Bruce had advised against wearing scent blockers as well to help her body fully adjust and hopefully not cause as much pain during her upcoming heat, and that was the first thing she noticed.  The Alphas around her, who would normally just give her a friendly greeting or a smile, now watched her hungrily through narrow eyes, giving tight smiles as their noses flared as she passed by.  It made her self-conscious enough to ask Bucky one day, “Do I smell bad?”

Bucky looked away from the book he was reading as she plopped next to him on the couch in the common room again, lifting her feet up to rest on his lap.  She was touching him a lot more lately.  “What do you mean?”

“Do I smell bad?  Omegas can’t really smell themselves very well, and since I took off the scent blockers I’ve been…watched,” she looked around the room warily.  Bucky’s eyes swept across the other Alphas in the room, noting how they were all giving off territorial scents as they tracked her.  He sat up straight, facing each one until they caught his eye and gave off a warning rumble deep in his chest, his eyes flashing dangerously.  They each quickly retreated, shamefully turning back towards their previous tasks.  The air around Y/N seemed to lift and she felt like she could breathe again.  “Thank you, Bucky.”

He sat back on the couch, grabbing his book with one hand and mindlessly rubbing her feet with the other.  “No need to thank me, honey.  And no, you don’t smell bad.  You smell like chai.”

“Chai?” Y/N scoffed.

“Yeah, chai with…” he reached a hand out and grabbed her wrist, bringing it up to his nose and inhaling deeply.  Her eyes widened comically at his brashness in scenting her so publicly.  “Pumpkin.  Chai and pumpkin.  Like Autumn,” he concluded, setting her wrist down and then rubbing her feet again.  He said it so casually that she just stared at him dumbfounded.  

It got worse as the weeks went on.  Her emotions were haywire, one minute she was calm and cool and the next she was agitated and easily crying at anything.  She was nesting anxiously, rearranging her room and her desk in her office, constantly carrying around a large fuzzy cardigan or blanket with her.  Her joints were sore, especially in her hips.  She found herself eating all the time.  Bruce had her come down to the lab each week to check her levels, each time warning her it could happen any day now.  

A month and a half later on a Friday night the team got together for a movie night.  They decided on watching the first Avatar, a movie Bucky hadn’t yet seen.  As it played Y/N kept fidgeting next to him, adjusting her sitting position, wringing her hands in her lap, taking deep breaths periodically.  A scene began of two of the characters connecting in a tree garden and Sam yelled out, “Alien tree sex!”  Everyone laughed but Y/N bolted out of the room.  Bucky watched her run down to her room and shut her door.

He quietly got up and followed her.  He could tell just by her scent changing these last few weeks and how it was getting stronger, the chai smell getting spicier, that her heat was fast approaching.  She had been very touchy with him, following him around and staying close whenever they were in the same room.  He had no claim to her, but it was evident to everyone to stay away from her, otherwise they’d get a growl from him.  He was growing more excited by the day, trying to remind himself that he was just helping out a friend, not staking any claim or bond.  

When he reached her door he pressed his ear against it, listening for her.  He heard her heart rate picking up and her breathing became labored.  He could also smell her, more potent, spicy, the scent of unmated Omega making his hormones sing and call out for her.  A deep rumble emitted from his chest as he felt his cock hardening.  He knocked on her door.

“Y/N,” he called out, just loud enough for her to hear.  A soft moan came from the other side.  His eyelids shut tight at the sound.  It was time.  “I’m coming in,” he warned before opening the door.  He stepped inside and was hit with the scent full force, making his eyes and mouth water simultaneously.  Y/N was laying in the nest she built on her bed in the fetal position, one hand on her stomach and the other in between her legs, not yet touching herself but keeping pressure against her core.  “Honey…” he groaned as he locked the door behind himself and walked towards the bed.

“Alpha,” she breathed, her brow furrowed and eyes shut tight.  A cramp wracked through her whole body and she yelped in pain.  “It’s starting.  It hurts…hurts so bad,” she cried as she could feel a small gush of slick pour from her pussy as her body recognized the Alpha in the room.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey, I’m here,” he cooed at her, reaching his hand out and running his fingers along her leg from her ankle to her thigh.  “Let’s get you out of these, huh?” he said while lifting the hem of her shorts up slightly.  She nodded and blindly started pulling at her clothes.  Bucky helped her strip out of her layers then undressed himself, giving her naked body an appreciative glance.  He lay behind her on the bed, cocooning her in his arms and leaning his head into the crook of her neck and scenting her.  He could feel himself getting drunk off of her heat.  She was sending him into an early rut as his hips rocked against her ass slowly.  Y/N keened at that, her back arching and pushing her ass into his crotch further.  He moaned at the sensation, his arms tightening around her.  “Shh, Omega.  I got you,” he said as his voice dropped further, the Alpha coming through more prominently now.

“Bucky…” she sighed, her hands gripping his arms around her.  “Please…Alpha please,” she begged, her legs shaking as another cramp hit her.

Bucky moaned at the sound of his name said that way coming from her lips.  He started to lick and suck and kiss at the scent gland on her throat, making her gasp loudly.  His scent mixed with hers, and they quickly got lost in each other.  His hands found her breasts and massaged them firmly, his fingers tweaking her nipples and making her hips buck back into him again.  He twisted her body around to face him.  She quickly molded herself back to him, hiking her leg up and over his hip, her hands scratching down his chest.  He tried to remind himself one last time that this was just a friend helping a friend.  Then she kissed him.

The kiss broke the dam of hesitancy he was holding to desperately.  He quickly responded, his mouth opening and their tongues tangling as they tasted each other.  Bucky climbed on top of her, his knees forcing hers apart.  His fingers probed her lower lips, finding her clit and giving it all his attention.  Y/N’s hips writhed as he riled her up.  She watched his fingers dip into her, making her breath stutter.  She was already dripping for him so he plunged two fingers into her, thrusting them in and out while his thumb rubbed and flicked her clit.  

“Fuck Alpha,” she groaned.  “Just like that, shit!”

Bucky smiled as she cursed, her legs shaking against his.  She reached down and took his cock in her hand, giving him lazy pumps as he got her closer to her release.  He huffed a sharp breath.  “Damn, honey, oooh that’s good,” he said lowly.  “Give it to me, love, come on, you can do it.  Be such a good Omega for me,” he encouraged her as he curled his fingers as deep as he could reach.  

The tension in her core finally snapped, her first orgasm ripping through her at lightning speed, squirting slick all over his hand and his hips.  She let out a guttural moan, the sound reverberating through the air, making the Alpha inside of him scream to claim her.  He had to physically restrain himself as he pulled his fingers out of her.  She smiled as she watched him with hooded eyes.  He put his wet fingers in his mouth and licked them clean of her slick, his eyes rolling back at the taste.

“Alpha please, I need you.  Bucky, I want your big cock inside me…please!” Y/N begged again.  Normally it would embarrass her to be acting like this, she would have never dreamed of speaking to Bucky this way.  But they were beyond the point of no return.

“Condom first, Omega,” he reminded her in his authoritative voice.  “As much as I’d love to fill you up, I don’t think that’s what you want just yet.”

Y/N pouted, but the first orgasm had helped clear her brain a little bit, and pointed to the nightstand next to the bed.  Bucky quickly reached over and pulled open the top drawer, finding the box and pulling a few of them out.  He unwrapped one and slipped it on himself before settling back between her legs, backing up a little bit.  “Present, please, Omega.”

Y/N twisted herself onto her stomach, lifting her hips high and pressing the side of her face into the bed.  Bucky almost whimpered at the sight of her sweet pussy, seeing the way he had made her drip with slick, the skin softly puckering in anticipation.  “Prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen Y/N, goddamn,” he whispered huskily.  She preened at his praise, her ass raising a little higher.  He gave her ass a quick slap, making her yelp and shiver.  “You ready?” he asked, making sure she was still wanting this.

“Yes, please Alpha, Bucky…please!”

“You’re so sexy when you beg,” he slapped her ass again, then grabbed her hips and aimed himself at her entrance.  He slowly pushed in the tip of his cock, the fat head catching just past her lower lips, making them both groan.  He kept pushing until he was fully seated inside her, letting her adjust to his size.  Y/N was keening again, a high pitched tone ringing through the air.  After a moment she wriggled her hips, silently asking him to thrust.  A deep growl emanated from Bucky’s throat and he pulled back until it was just the tip inside, then snapped his hips back into her hard. 

Y/N was making the sweetest noises he’d ever heard as he pummeled his cock into her.  She whimpered and moaned, making him hook an arm around her hips and lay his stomach across her back, quick huffs of his breath warming her shoulder.  He could feel her walls fluttering around him, making the rhythm of his hips stutter.  “Fuck, honey, you gonna cum?”  She nodded as her moans got louder.  He flipped her back over onto her back so he could watch her release, leaving barely any room between them as he hovered over her.  Her hands wound around the back of his neck, scratching his scalp with her nails.  “Goddammit, do that again,” he heard himself whimpering this time.  She scratched from the top of his head down to his neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

He reached between their bodies and started flicking her clit as he chased his own high.  “Bucky, oh my God,” she squealed against his lips as her back arched and her legs clung to his hips.  “Yes, yes, yes, shit…mark me.”

Bucky didn’t stop thrusting but tensed at her words.  “No, Y/N, you don’t want that.”

“Yes, I do, with you, Bucky,” she gasped.

“Omega,” he warned her, his eyes flashing.  “We can talk about that when I’m not balls deep inside you.”

Y/N tensed at his Alpha command, her legs loosening around him.  “I want you to be my Alpha, my mate.”

“God fucking dammit,” Bucky stopped thrusting and leaned on his elbows above her.  “Y/N, listen to me, you don’t want that.  You said you wanted a clear choice, remember?”  Y/N was silent and wide eyed as she watched him, slightly nodding her head.  “This isn’t a clear choice.  Your first heat in how many years?  It’s your hormones talking, honey.  And believe me, I’d love to mark you, claim you, bond and mate with you.  Stuff you full of me,” he thrust again, making her eyes roll back, “and breed you with my pups.  But we can talk about all that later.  Right now, I’m here to help you through this, because you’re my best friend, and…I’m ridiculously in love with you.”  He finally said it.  “I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine.  But when it’s both of us with clear heads and a clear choice.  Okay?”

Y/N’s eyes were watery as she listened to him.  “You’re in love with me?”

Bucky huffed a laugh, “Is that all you got out of that?”

She shook her head, “No, but it’s the most important thing.  I’m in love with you.”

He smiled wide and leaned down to give a quick kiss to her nose.  “Can I continue now?”

She nodded again, and he gave her another thrust to get her going again.  Her slick started to make squelching noises as he picked up the pace again, his knot starting to catch at her entrance, his hand reaching to her clit again and trailing kisses down her throat to her scent gland, licking and sucking at it again.

“One day, if you’ll have me, I’ll bite this pretty neck,” he moaned in her ear as her fingers dug into his back.  “Make you mine.”

“Yours, all yours, Bucky…Alpha,” Y/N groaned, leaning her head up and scenting him back.  Her soft lips and her tongue against his gland had his eyes rolling in his head again and his fingers gripping her hips harshly.  “That’s right.  Mine.  Mine…mine,” he thrusted harder and faster, angling her hips up to hit deeper.

Y/N screamed his name as she finally came, her hands digging into the flesh between his neck and shoulder, scratching his scent gland and making him see stars as he came with a yell, his knot fully inflating and latching him to her as she nearly squeezed the dear life out of him.  He fell on top of her, and she held him as he calmed down, both of them panting and sweaty.  

A heady scent filled the air, a smell that screamed satisfied mates.  Bucky pulled himself to his side, holding her close so it wouldn’t hurt her to move with him, and covered them with the blankets from her nest.  Y/N was delirious after this first round of her heat, her head lolling with exhaustion.  “Rest, Omega.  We’ve still got a few days, and forever after that.”

She smiled sleepily, “Hmmm, my Alpha.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #smut #marvel #abo #alpha!bucky #alpha!bucky barnes #omega!reader #alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader #bucky barnes oneshot

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about me 𐙚₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩

hi friends! i’m kai, and this is just a fun little sideblog where all my sjm universe writings live. my main account is @pacificst so if you see that user in your notes, it’s me! thank u for stopping by, and feel free to come talk to me! 🫶

masterlist/wip 𐙚₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩

lessons in touch

summary: azriel’s curiosity and penchant for spying reveals exactly why you’ve been more…enthusiastic in bed lately.

if fate allows (coming soon!)

summary: mating bond or not, you would pick azriel over and over and over again

take me to church (hozier discography exploration)

summary: azriel was not a religious male, but you were his goddess incarnate and he would willingly worship at your feet until his dying breath

mamma mia! | here i go again

summary: cassian has loved and longed for you for as long as he can remember, despite your long established relationship with his brother. he teeters on the edge of giving up on the idea of you ever loving him back. until…

(heavily inspired by ripley’s rendition of the original abba song)

work song (hozier discography exploration)

summary: an exploration into the birth, life, and death of your relationship with cassian and his unwavering devotion and love for you in the midst of all your trials and tribulations.

it will come back (hozier discography exploration)

summary: cassian was an addict, and you his poison of choice.

foreigner’s god (hozier discography exploration)

summary: (wip; cassian x priestess!reader)

coming soon!

coming soon!

series 𐙚₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩

lose control -> azriel x day court!reader

series masterlist

summary: for the past one hundred years, your relationship with azriel has been stuck in a purgatory between lovers and strangers, floating in the limbo between the night and day your respective courts cherished. your position as the warmaster of the day court — and helion’s second in command — forces an alliance closer than you’ve ever been to azriel and his inner circle as the threat of a war with hybern looms heavy in the distance. century’s old complicated feelings bubble to the surface, and confrontation is inevitable. the delicate balance of the life and world you know are bound towards disruption.

after all this time -> rhysand x reader

summary: the days, weeks, and months after rhys’s return from under the mountain have you both reeling as you navigate the new complexities that weave into your well-familiar bond with him. an exploration of rhys’s adjustment to his old life.

#acotar fic #acotar fanfiction #cassian x reader #azriel x reader #rhys x reader #lucien x reader #cassian x you #azriel x you #rhys x you #lucien x you #cassian fanfic #azriel fanfic

[usaigi]

Is Matt Murdock Homophobic?

Short answer: Doubt it.

Long answer: I seriously doubt, just because he’s Catholic/was raised in a highly Catholic environment (a Catholic orphanage) doesn’t mean he’s homophobic. Being Catholic does not automatically equal being homophobic. 

And if we’re being completely honest, I won’t consider Matt to be “extremely” Catholic in the way the fandom seems to think about him. Matt attending mass on Sunday, going to confession, and having a relationship with his priest just makes him a churchgoer. Which I guess makes him more devote than a lot of other Catholics but the way some of the fandom talk about him makes it seems like he’s having a crisis of faith every other Tuesday. 

I've seen this topic come up in fanfiction and in fandom in general so I’d like to offer a liberal queer Catholic perspective on being queer. 

Is being gay a sin in Catholicism?

Having same-sex attraction is not a sin in Catholicism. However, having sex outside of marriage is a sin. And since the church only recognizes heterosexual marriages, it essentially does make being gay a sin. The whole “being gay isn’t a sin but if you act upon it is” which is... ugh.

We are all children of God, and God loves us as we are and for the strength that each of us fights for our dignity. Being homosexual is not a crime. It is not a crime. 'Yes, but it is a sin.' Fine, but first let us distinguish between a sin and a crime. It is not the first time that I speak of homosexuality and of homosexual persons. And I wanted to clarify that it is not a crime, in order to stress that criminalization is neither good nor just. When I said it is a sin, I was simply referring to Catholic moral teaching, which says that every sexual act outside of marriage is a sin. Of course, one must also consider the circumstances, which may decrease or eliminate fault. As you can see, I was repeating something in general. I should have said, 'It is a sin, as is any sexual act outside of marriage.' This is to speak of 'the matter' of sin, but we know well that Catholic morality not only takes into consideration the matter, but also evaluates freedom and intention; and this, for every kind of sin. And I would tell whoever wants to criminalize homosexuality that they are wrong. - Pope Francis 2023

HOWEVER: We have not seen Matt Murdock having religious objections/feel guilty for having premarital sex. Birth control is also not accepted in Catholicism but I seriously doubt Matt’s not wrapping it. I’m sure I don’t need to cite one of the million jokes about him being a manwhore, we all know it. Do we really think Matt would be such a hypocrite to think someone is a sinner for being LGBT when he himself has had how many girlfriends? Not to mention he was also born and raised in New York City and his need for justice is one of his primary character traits. Do you really think Matt learned about the Stonewall Riot(his own city’s history), the AIDs epidemic, the general mistreatment and discrimination of LGBT people and would really support it? BFFR.

Matt Murdock is a lot of things, mainly a self-loathing idiot in desperate need a therapy, but he’s not a bigot. 

I’m going to link this post by the lovely @ceterisparibus116 about Matt’s "religious guilt" and what I think is fandom’s general misunderstanding of Matt’s Catholic guilt. 

What about internalized homophobia?

In my own fics I’ve written Matt as bi/pan (hooking up with Moon Knight) (also that one Ziwe meme) and as a trans guy who pre-transition thought he was a lesbian/sapphic. (If you read it I’ll love you forever). Mattfoggy is the biggest ship in the fandom so it's only normal to have this discussion.

Sure, maybe Matt wouldn’t judge other people for being gay and having sex outside of Catholic-recognized marriage but would he judged himself? How can Matt still consider himself Catholic and queer? 

A misconception I think a lot of people have about Catholicism is that we must all follow the church’s teaching and that everything the Pope says is infallible. Which is silly and simply not true. Pope Benedict XVI once stated that: "The Pope is not an oracle; he is infallible in very rare situations, as we know." Pope John XXIII also once said: "I am only infallible if I speak infallibly but I shall never do that, so I am not infallible." 

First of all, the church is not a monolith institution. Second of all, not all Catholic teaching is infallible, “no church teaching is automatically free from error, because the church is composed of human beings. God alone is a priori free from error in detail and in every case.” (Infallible? An Inquiry by Hans Küng). Very few things are infallible statement. The Immaculate Conception of Mary and the Assumption of Mary are infallible statements. But as far as I know, “being gay is a sin” is not. 

Conscience, actually, takes priority over church teaching. Pope Francis said “that priests must inform Catholic consciences ‘but not replace them.’ And he stressed the distinction between one’s conscience—where God reveals himself—and one’s ego that thinks it can do as it pleases.” (x)

In extolling conscience the Catechism quotes from another Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes. It states: "Deep within his conscience man discovers a law which he has not laid upon himself but which he must obey. “For a man has in his heart a law inscribed by God . . . His conscience is man’s most secret core and his sanctuary,” the document goes on, “There he is alone with God whose voice echoes in his depths.” In summary, it is possible for a good Catholic in good faith to act contrary to the teachings of the church. - Patsy McGarry

If Matt prayed, asked for guidance and his conscience said that being (trans, gay, bi, however you headcanon him) is not sinful, he can, in good faith, oppose the church. And yes, he’d be welcomed to take the Eucharist. Eucharist is not a reward that only the most faithful free-on-sin living saints. It’s a source of healing and for those striving to live in the Gospel.  

In terms of the church, as I said, it’s not a monolith and people can and do disagree in current teaching. Here’s Cardinal McElroy calling for the ‘radical inclusion’ of LGBT, women and others in the Catholic Church. Here’s a letter by 6,000 nuns standing in solidarity with Trans community.

This is just my headcanon, but I don’t think Father Lantom is homophobic. I’d like to think he’s one of the priest calling for reform and acceptance of LGBT people. I also like to think Sister Maggie was one of the nuns that signed that letter. If Matt came to him asking for support, I honestly think Father Lantom would give him that.  

Would everyone in his community accept him? No, probably not and that’s unfortunate. But there are those in the community don’t accept the young single mom or the recovering alcoholic. Religious gatekeeping is a problem and I don’t want to pretend it isn’t, but it’s not the only truth. I dislike the idea that being queer and Catholic are mutually exclusive. Or that Matt would leave his religion for being queer. To be honest, as a queer Catholic I find it pretty disrespectful. I would love to read more fics where Matt realize he’s queer and struggles with it but it’s so incredibly annoying when the fic concludes with Matt leaving his faith. We’re Catholic for God not for a church. There are other queer Catholic Matt could hypothetically find community with. 

And I get it, a lot of people are coming from a place of religious trauma and are writing fanfic to express it. I'm sorry for anyone who was hurt by the church, religion or toxic family. The church has and continues to do a lot of harm, both on the individual and global level. If anyone wants a rant about colonization of Latin America, I’m your girl. I just dislike this black-and-white mindset that Matt is either Catholic or gay.  

If anyone has questions, I can try to answer. I’m not a theology expert, I’m just a virgo and a fanfic writer. 

#daredevil #daredevil born again #matt murdock #mattfoggy #fratt #foggy nelson #karen page #charlie cox #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #usaigi meta #usaigi speaks

[witchersmistress]

The road to Hell

Hello my darlings!! this man almost, ended back in the punishment room!

Trigger warnings: age gasp, foul language sassy FMC, forced marriage

Word Count: 2.7 K

Amelia’s POV

Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the most exciting days of your life. Just like my mother, I’m about to marry a man I didn’t choose and who I don’t love. I actually despise him and everything he represents—money, greed, and power are just a few of them. My mother hates my father, but there was nothing either one of them could do. Their fate was decided, their destiny sealed. Same as mine. Same as my children’s. And my grandchildren’s. We are bred for the sole purpose of power. Control in numbers. Fuck that!

Women in my world—the secret society of the Ravens—should not reproduce. I don’t want children. The cycle will end with me. It has to.  The Ravens will only find a way to use its members. They marry us off to ensure we add to their army. The next generation of Ravens and Ravenia will help them take over the world.  Phil though he was so smart and allowed me to see a  Raven approved Drs only, well the joke was on him, that particular doc, i saw his wife instead who was a fellow Ravenia and a Nurse practitioner. By the end of my first appointment, I had an IUD and that idiot was none the wiser. I’ll be damned if I allow them to have any say over a son or daughter I'll never have.

 I stand in the middle of the room, overlooking the white dress in the mirrored wall, running my hand down the mulberry silk—some of the finest silk available in the world. I take in a deep breath. It cost a whopping two million. Two million dollars for a fucking dress? My soon-to-be husband had it custom-made by a designer in France. I know this because my mother reminds me every chance she gets. Why would I get to pick out something so important in my life? That’s insane, right? Give that money to charity, or he'll let me loose in a bookstore, not that i could spend two million dollars but i'll try like hell.

 To think I should have any say in what I wear on the day I give my life to another. It’s as if she thinks his wealth will impress me. It’s blood money. I know this because it’s the same fortune I grew up with. I never did want the finer things in life. I know a poor person would roll their eyes at that statement, but it’s true. Give me a beer, a cheap hoodie, and a hat to hide my three-day old mop of bleach-blond hair, and I’m happy. But no. That’s unacceptable. The one percent aren’t allowed to look anything less than perfect. Not in public anyway. I’m surprised they even let us speak. We as women might as well walk around with duct tape over our mouths dressed in nothing but chains. A Raven needs a Ravenia but not because of the reasons you may think. It’s a way to hide who he really is. He’ll have fucks all over the world, but we’re expected to cook, clean, and spread our legs for him when he’s home. Worship him like he’s God himself and birth his children. I’ve never been religious, and I’m not going to fall to my knees and start worshiping a man now.  

My brother comes up behind me, his eyes scanning over my dress in the mirror. “At least he has good taste.” I roll my eyes. “As if that matters.” “Just pop out some kids and get fat.” He shrugs. “Then he’ll screw anyone but you. Oh! Hire a hot, much younger nanny.” He nods to himself. “Let me try her out first, though. Make sure she’s good enough.” His words just prove that all Ravens are the same. He’s been a Raven for years but has yet to marry. He has the privilege of fucking his way around the world while I’m forced to sign my life away. A cell rings, and he pulls it out of his tuxedo jacket to answer. “Hello?” Sighing, I pick up the dress and walk over to the stained glass window. You can’t see shit out of it. This place is ancient. The Cathedral is to a Raven as a church is to a religion—their sanctum. It holds a hundred years of secrets like a sarcophagus encloses a mummy. 

It was handed down to them years ago—a place to perform their sick and twisted rituals. There’s nothing fancy or special about it, if you ask me. I could be walking down the aisle in blue jeans and a T-shirt or lingerie. Doesn’t matter. Not all Ravens and Ravenia are required to wed here. But it’s where my future husband picked. Our parents wanted it to be as traditional as possible. It’s a bullshit reason. They just want to make a spectacle of handing me over to him. We might as well be standing in a courtroom with a judge sentencing me to life in prison without the chance of parole for a crime I didn’t commit. I place my hand on the cold glass, listening to the rain fall. It’s been storming for the past two days. It's like the world knows I've been destined for a lifetime of servitude to a man I'd rather kill than kneel and suck his dick. 

I blame my mother. She raised me to be strong-willed and determined. But now, I’m just supposed to turn it off and believe that I'm to devote my life to a man that will neglect me during the day but demand I spread my legs at night. I won’t accept that. I deserve more. I want more. My brother ends his call, getting my attention, and looks at me. “We have a problem,” he states. My whole life is a fucking problem. “What?” “Phil is missing.” I snort. “Don’t toy with me like that.” That’s not a problem; that’s a prayer answered. “I’m serious.” He swallows, looking around the large room nervously as if Phil’s going to appear out of thin air. “He’s not here. He never arrived. He’s also not at his house. He’s missing. No one has seen him.” “I’m not sure why that’s a problem.” I don’t want to marry the sick bastard. Phil Buxton is the highest-ranking Raven you can come by, which just makes this even worse. Ravens are like anything else in this world. You have some at the bottom, and others at the top. There are different tiers. 

But honestly, it doesn’t matter; they’re all sick fucking bastards who will kill anyone to get to where they are. Even the bottom feeders will destroy anything to get a chance at serving. He steps over to me. “Amelia …” The door opens, and my father enters with my mother. I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m guessing this good fortune has nothing to do with you two?” My mother’s injected lips seem to thin a tad at my comment. She’s told me a million times that this is just the life we live. That it’s a “tradition” and I just have to accept it. That as far as Raven and Ravenia goes, we’re royalty. Bull-fucking-shit. I’d rather be someone’s bitch than a Raven’s Ravenia. My father, however, stares at the floor while running a hand through his dark hair. “Daddy?” I step over to him, holding my dress in my hands so I don’t step on the hem. “What’s going on?” His throat works, swallowing before his eyes find mine. There’s a look of regret in them, and hope fills my chest. Maybe he’s realized that I don’t want this life. He clears his throat. “I just received a call …” “Please tell me you did this—called off my wedding?” I rush out, my words hopeful. “I’m sorry, Amelia, but the wedding is still on.” He sighs. And what little hope I had is now smothered. “But Dylan said Phil’s missing.” I point at my brother. Had my father received the same phone call that my brother did? Or was it someone else? “You are no longer to wed Phil.” He yanks on the collar of his tux. Picking up the dress so I don’t trip over it in my six-inch hooker heels—that my soon-to-be husband also picked out—I take a step back, my heart picking up speed. This is good news. Why does he look so concerned? “I don’t understand. If he’s not here—” “A new Raven has chosen you,” he interrupts me. My mother places her hand over her mouth, trying to quiet a sob. “No,” I argue. “That can’t be.” It was decided that Phil would be my husband when I was eighteen—three years ago. 

Things like this aren’t just changed at the last minute. I’ve lived the past few years preparing for this day. To be his wife. What he wanted. A Raven can’t choose to marry me, not when I’m already promised to another. “Who?” my brother demands. “Who in the hell would make this change?” He fists his hands at his sides. I reach up and grab the pearls my mother gave me. She thought they would give me some kind of comfort, and I laughed, but now I hold on to them as if they’re an anchor to a lifeline. “I—” The door swings open once again, this time hitting the interior wall and making me jump. A set of baby-blue eyes meet mine, and my stomach drops. The wind knocked out of me. I haven’t seen them in years, but they’ve haunted my dreams ever since.

Three years ago

 “Where is she?” my mother demands, entering the hospital. She received a phone call that my sister was brought in tonight, but no other information was given. “Ma’am—” “Where is my daughter?” she screams at the nurse, pounding on the check-in desk. I turn around to see my sister’s boyfriend walking toward us. His white T-shirt and jeans are covered in blood, and my chest tightens to the point it restricts my air. My mom’s legs give out when she sees him. “N-o,” she chokes, placing her shaking hand over her mouth. Walter catches her and holds her body to his, but his baby-blue eyes meet mine, sending a chill down my spine so cold, it’s paralyzing. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “She’s gone.” 

“Walter,” my brother growls, shoving me to the side and pulling me out of that memory, and steps in front of me.

#henry cavill characters #henry cavill x you #henry cavill imagine #walter marshall #august walker

[mageofseven]

I’m sure you’re sick of these types of requests atp, but after learning you’re also a poly dialuci fan I can’t not request a surprise birth story for them together/combined 😭🙌

Omg I swear y'all either have the worst case of baby fever or just love baby drama 😂

But no worries! Honestly, these are one of my favorite posts to write because I too love this kind of drama hehe~

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Okay, these two men had zero clue MC could be pregnant.

This triad more or less was in agreement that babies were not something they needed at this time.

I mean, the triad only just hit their 1st year anniversary

Which, coincidentally enough, was the night MC conceived.

Neither of the three knew this because they always used protection with MC, almost to a religious degree.

All it took was one overzealous redhead on script duty with bad handwriting to mess it all up though 😅

Reminder that they use runes on MC as a form of birth control and the men take turns on being the scripter

The first time they could have discovered the pregnancy was when her morning sickness hit her hard.

Problem? It also hit her around the time MC accidentally ate some demon food that wasn't human safe 😅

It was a food MC had never seen before and since she has been in the Devildom for so long and was so used to eating weird food, it had never accord to her to be cautious.

Oh boy was Lucifer upset.

He chastised his girlfriend, but was still the one to hold her hair back as she puked.

Dia just laughed it off, somewhat anxious.

I mean, the food she ate wasn't going to harm her, but it commonly made humans have intense nausea and make them puke for weeks as their body tried to rid itself of the foreign toxin.

Lucifer wanted her to see to a see a doctor, but MC refused.

She loved her boyfriends, but they were so protective that it was exhausting; Lucifer especially so since his protectiveness was also paired with his stubbornness.

Some days it felt like Lucifer would make her see a doctor for a freaking paper cut if she'd let him.

Though also worried about his Queen, the redhead accepted her decision and persuaded Lucifer to do the same.

However, he did remind her that she could change her mind at any time.

She didn't though and honestly, MC will regret that decision every time she thinks back on it.

With the end of her nausea came cravings and a big appetite. The three just assumed that after weeks of not being able to eat much that her body was catching up for lost time.

As her belly grew, MC grew more and more self conscious as well.

She had less 'intimate time' with her boyfriends and would hide her belly under baggy shirts.

Honestly, the woman started getting really depressed about her rapidly changing figure.

The two men were worried about the weight gain too, but only because it upset their girlfriend so greatly.

This was a period of a comforting for this triad. The two men put aside work more and more to comfort their depressed human.

The two men showered her in gifts, took her on more dates outside the house since she became more homebound during this period, and spent so much time trying to cuddle the sadness out of her.

This went on for months till finally, it all came to a conclusion.

MC was having really bad cramps one day. Both men had a meeting they needed to attend, but the pride demon's intuition was raising red flags.

Despite the woman's protests, Lucifer was able to convince their boyfriend to stay home and the two stayed by her side.

Like always, Lucifer wanted to call a doctor immediately. Also like always, MC outright refused...for awhile at least.

Eventually, the pain got so severe that she was gripping one or both men, begging through tears for a doctor, which her boyfriends quickly obliged.

That's when they learned that not only was MC pregnant, but she was actively in labor.

The panic and shock was obvious from Lucifer; I mean, how did this happen?? It made absolutely no sense to this man considering how careful they have been.

Dia, on the other hand, was ecstatic.

I mean yes, the three of them had originally agreed that babies weren't on the agenda for the time being, but the prince mostly just agreed because both of his partners weren't ready for parenthood and he himself was okay with waiting.

The two men got into a small squabble over the prince's reaction, but was interrupted by their girlfriend's scream of pain.

To Lucifer's dismay, Dia sent the doctor away as per MC's request. She didn't want some stranger in the room while she was naked and in the worst pain of her life.

As a compromise though, the doctor was kept on standby else where in case the human needed him.

Each man planted themselves on different sides of MC and held her hands.

Both men gave MC encouragement and comfort, but Dia excelled at it. He was constantly whispering in her ear, peppering well-appreciated kisses on her face, and rubbing her taut belly.

Lucifer did the same, but given that he was the more anxious one, was constantly checking her progress and making sure she was keeping hydrated because obviously hours of screaming and pain can make any person easily dehydrated.

Day turned to night by the time the baby was born; the triad had never been more relieved to hear cries echo through a room before.

However...there was something a bit off about this baby.

When Lucifer brought their new daughter into MC's arms, the human noticed a strange mixture features.

This baby had Diavolo's skin tone, down the same golden markings on her arms as are found on the prince when in his demon form. However, she also had Lucifer's black hair. Her eyes matched her mother's and she had two little golden nubs on her head that will grow into horns in the future.

How...how did this child look like both her boyfriends? Even Lucifer was perplexed.

Luckily, Diavolo had the answer to this.

Some demons experience what is referred to a chimera conception; basically, if a demon has multiple partners within the window of time for conception, the baby can take genetics from more than one father.

In truth, the prince never thought it could occur in a human till now.

Still, the man was excited! His Queen just had a baby. He was a dad now--

Lucifer pulled his boyfriend out into the hallway, telling him that he needs to cool it down.

The pride demon didn't like bringing the mood down for the happy man, but it really needed to be said.

He reminded the prince that before this baby was essentially forced on MC by the universe, she didn't actually want a child; not yet anyway.

Neither man knew quite yet what their girlfriend wanted to do with this baby, whether she wanted to raise it or send it away.

To get excited now was premature and could unintentionally guilt the human into keeping a child she might not want.

This talk deflated the prince and his boyfriend hated that he had to do it.

The pride demon tugged his boyfriend into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I know this is difficult, but we need to keep MC in mind; she's already been through a lot as it is."

Dia nuzzled his face into the other demon neck.

"No, you're right. I...I just got carried away." He pulled back to meet Luce's eyes. "I'll keep myself under control."

"I know you want to be a father. Maybe you will be able to be one; maybe we will with this child. If MC can't handle this now though, we could always have another when she is ready."

Dia leaned in and kissed his boyfriend.

"I know...thank you, my Light."

The two men returned to the room, opening the door just to find MC crying as she stared down at her daughter.

The two men picked up the pace and joined the human at her bedside.

Dia knelt down next to her and wiped a tear from her face with his thumb.

"Don't hate me..." She said softly.

His eyes widen.

"What do you mean, my Queen?"

The woman shook her head and looked away from the prince.

Lucifer sat next to her on the bed and kissed her head.

"Love...just talk to us." He cajoled. "It will be alright, I assure you."

"I-I just...I don't know what to do; I'm so scared."

"Oh my Queen..." Dia joined his partners on the bed and pulled MC in to a hug, careful of the child resting within her arms. "It's okay; it's okay to be scared."

"But what if I can't handle it? What if I don't want..."

Her gaze fell to her daughter and the guilt choked her.

Dia's heart cracked. Lucifer was right.

He leaned into kiss her head.

"If you do not want this child...I will find a safe home for them."

MC's eyes widened as she turned to him.

"But...but you want her...I know you want to be a dad."

Dia lowered his head.

"I love our child...but I love you more." He insisted. "Will not pressure you to keep a child you aren't ready for; especially after the trauma you just went through."

MC shook her head, thick tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I don't know what I want...I'm so confused."

"It's fine; you can be confused." Lucifer told her. "You don't need to decide now."

In accidental unison, both men leaned in and each kissed a side of her head.

Diavolo nodded.

"That's right." He agreed. "Just know we are here for you and will continue to love you no matter your choice."

It took a few days for MC to recover from it all. Originally, her emotions were running hard after the birth and it made an already overwhelming situations worse for her.

As she recovered from it all, the woman started to get so very attached to her daughter.

Before she even told her boyfriends that she wanted to keep her, the men could just sense it from how she looked at her.

The three decided to name their daughter Eris.

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me lucifer #obey me mc #obey me diavolo #obey me dialuci #obey me poly!mc

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

The Secret's Out Pt 3

Summary: Y/n makes the tough decision to relinquish her title. Fast forward 4 months when Y/n and Christian attend AEW’s yearly New Years party after keeping the pregnancy a secret. What happens when LuFisto shows up and promises to ruin Y/n’s life. 

Word count: 1,882

*Warnings, swearing, stalking, crazy LuFisto* (Y/W/N means ‘your wrestling name’) 

Main Masterlist Christian Cage Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2

Wednesday had finally came and I sat with Tony to discuss what our next plan was. He was obviously very happy for me and was understanding when I told him that I would need to relinquish the title. Since I was only a few weeks pregnant and wanted to try and keep my pregnancy under the radar for the moment we decided to play with the injury to my shoulder and relinquish the belt. I filmed a couple different promos all saying that I would have to relinquish the title. Within the promo I wore low waisted bell bottom jeans, a white crop top and some shades. I chose the outfit exposing my stomach because I knew there would be at least one person who would think I was relinquishing the title because I was pregnant. Although that was true and I had literally wrestled just a week prior to finding out the fans didn’t need to know that. I didn’t look pregnant and fans already knew about the injury so it’s not like I was completely lying to them. We just simply milked the shoulder injury, that's all. 

The plan for this week was for Renee to try and ask me about how I was doing with my injury and I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. So it was revealed that next week I would be having an interview with her explaining my status. Which was the promo interview we filmed earlier on today. 

I knew that soon enough people would start asking questions. Some of the talent knew about the baby but others didn’t. That being said those who didn’t know offered sympathy for the title needing to be relinquished which was quite annoying. The fakeness so evident, “Oh Y/n I’m so sorry about your shoulder” No you weren't, you are probably happy that there will be a new champ in town. 

***

This week had definitely been a weird one. Like planned, the backstage interview with Renee was aired this week on Dynamite. It felt weird, sitting at home watching it on tv not knowing if I was making the right decision. I had been advised to stay off social media for a few days by my friends. I had been stressed and sick for the past few days and didn’t need anymore stress. But the thing is it was boring, I was bored at home so obviously I looked. About 90% of the comments were positive, fans wishing me a speedy recovery and love. The other 10% was basically LuFisto and any other people she made believe I was still the bad guy here. 

“I am so happy she is no longer the champ! She was an eyesore to see on tv. She deserved the injury she got” Those were some of the comments LuFisto left. Girl was on cloud 9 after finding out about my injury. I honestly found it quite funny. 

Other than wrestling drama Christian and I went to our first doctor's appointment, Like promised he was going to be there for every second of it. Since he had already done this once before he was more calm than I was. I was nervous but everything went well. The doctor told me that I was 6 weeks pregnant, I explained that I had my last match 3 weeks ago and the doctor said the baby was completely healthy. That was my biggest concern, I was worried since I had still been wrestling and training not knowing I was pregnant. At the appointment I also found out what caused the pregnancy in the first place. It turned out that the prescription I was on for my shoulder injury had canceled out my birth control. I didn’t even know that was possible but it made sense because I was taking my birth control religiously. When you are not using contraception and are in a relationship with a freak like Christian Cage, getting pregnant can happen very easily. In fact 7 weeks with my birth control not being effective would do the trick. 

******

Four long months had passed since I had to relinquish my title. I was now five months pregnant and was visibly showing. The winter months had allowed me to get away with my growing bump. Sweaters and jackets helped me to get around unnoticed but now I was tired of keeping it a secret. Within the months we told our friends and family, all of which were happy for us. I spent most days at home with Isla who was excited to be a big sister even with the 10 year age gap. Tonight was a new years party for AEW and the first time I would be showing off my bump. “Are you ready to go?” Christian yelled from across the hall. I was struggling to get my boots on with the growing bump in the way. “Almost, just give me a minute” being pregnant was a lot of work. Craving weird combinations and the constant sickness was exhausting. Luckily I had Christian by my side who was willing to go to the store late at night for my insane requests. 

“Do you need some help?” Christian asked me as he came to see what was taking me so long, finding me struggling with the boots. “Yes please” He bent down and gently slid the knee high boots on,  placing a delicate kiss to my thigh before zipping them up. “What would I do without you?” “Well for starters you wouldn't be pregnant and would still have your title” “Are you being serious right now?” That was not funny

As Christian and I approached the venue I grew anxious, there would be media at the event and I already knew what people would be saying about me behind my back. “Hey, there is nothing to be worried about, alright. I am not going anywhere. I will be by your side for the whole night.     If anyone even dares to try anything-” “Christian” I cut him off, he knew I was nervous and although he would never admit it I knew he was too. I remember the hate we got when people found out about Christian and I dating, so I could only imagine what it would be like when they found out I was pregnant with his child. 

Christian wore a gorgeous black suit to the event and I wore a black knit dress that hugged my curves perfectly, along with velvet knee high boots. As we entered the venue we were greeted with black and gold decorations. The entrance had a big foyer which had big mirrors. Somehow I convinced Christian to take a photo with me. I took the mirror picture with Christian behind me, one hand on my bump and the other on my ass. I took the image and posted it on instagram with the caption ‘Mum and Dad’, I wanted the world to see my post before the ones from the media outlets. With that I turned off my phone wanting to enjoy the evening with Christian. 

When we exited the foyer into the main building where the party was being held I could feel heads turn. Many shocked faces, it was making me uncomfortable but I promised myself I would stay for the whole event even if I felt like I was not welcome. “Ahh, I can’t believe you’re here” Of course Kris was the first to greet us at the party. “I can feel the stares” I told her. “Well I mean you disappeared for 5 months and showed up pregnant” She was right, only our close friends and family knew so obviously people would be shocked. 

Many wrestlers came up to me congratulating me with the pregnancy. They all seemed to be happy for me or at least they pretended to be. Eddie Kingston had been upset that I did not tell him I was pregnant. Although he’s great, the guy can’t keep a secret. Christian and I spent some time chatting with our friends and trying the many treats they had before the hard part, the media. As promised Christian didn’t leave my side, we had taken many pictures with everyone before needing to do interviews. Most of the reporters were rude, asking inappropriate questions that made Christian and I uncomfortable. Christian answered the majority of the questions while I tried my best not to lose it. Pregnancy makes you very hormonal and I was trying to not let it win. “So Y/w/n” I had zoned out “You are pregnant, what does this mean for your career?” That was the 5th time tonight a reporter asked me that question “Well, just because I am having a kid it doesn’t mean I’m done with wrestling. I am planning to return to the ring as soon as possible and become a 3X ROH world champion” Just as I began to say something else I felt my stomach drop. I watched LuFisto start walking towards me. “How is she here?” I turned to Christian to make sure he was seeing what I was seeing and boy did he see it. “Get behind me!” Christian told me as I watched LuFisto charge at me. What was that woman’s problem, she was screaming and yelling at everyone that stood between us. “I am going to make your life mistable Y/n. You ruined my life so I am going to end you” I didn’t even know what to say. This girl had serious issues and I honestly felt sorry for her. 

I stood behind Christian as I watched the crazed woman get escorted by security out of the building. Soon after Christian and I left the event. When we got home I broke down, crying into Christians arms. I just didn’t get it, even though I was one of the biggest heels in AEW I was a nice person in real life and everyone knew what. It had been almost a year since LuFisto had been released by AEW and she still hated me. 

****

It had been a few days since the incident at the new years party. The media always had made things worse but for once it was playing in my favor. The video of LuFisto trying to attack a heavily pregnant woman had gone viral. Christian and I were one of the biggest couples in pro wrestling and people could see how genuinely happy we were with each other. People felt bad for the hate and soon enough LuFisto would get blacklisted from several other promotions after news came out about her attacking people at a local indie show. 

This whole situation had been stressing me out, I woke up in the night in a cold sweat. Nightmares disturbing my much needed sleep, I was anxious all the time. Scared to be left alone, scared someone would break in and try to hurt my babies. All of this had become too much to handle and soon enough Christian would flip. He was tired of it and didn’t care if it ruined his ‘character’ he wanted to set things straight. I knew he was mad but I didn’t realize just how bad it was until it happened. My worst nightmare came true…..

#bullet clubs bitch #aew smut #all elite wrestling #aew #aew fanfiction #christian cage imagine #tnt champion #christian wwe #christian cage #christian cage gif #christian cage x reader #christian cage smut #christian cage fanfic #christian cage masterlist #christian cage aew

[pcos-and-endo-awareness]

What’s YOUR personal experience with these disorders? :-)

Hello anon! I know I’ve made this post before but it’s buried somewhere. So here it is! Buckle up folks!

I always struggled with bad periods. Heavy flow, horrific cramps, irregular timing. I just thought that’s what it is and everyone deals with it. I figured the pain I experienced trying to use tampons was all in my head, some psychological fear due to my religious upbringing.

It wasn’t until college that I realized maybe my experience wasn’t normal. Maybe people aren’t supposed to be in this much pain. Maybe something was wrong. My pain got to be so overwhelming that I went to the emergency room. After a rather traumatic experience, I was eventually told that I had ovarian cysts and one of them had ruptured, and just go to my OBGYN and take some Advil. (Great advice, wonderful care. /s)

PCOS was in my family history, and my aunts and sisters all struggled with it. My then OBGYN diagnosed me with it, but basically said the same thing as the ER nurses. Take some ibuprofen and birth control and get over it. A diagnosis doesn’t do anything.

I had another episode with cysts about two years later, after I was out of college. I knew what it was this time, and I knew they’d only tell me the same thing. Take Advil and stop crying. So I didn’t bother going to the ER, and I tried to deal with the pain on my own. My (much nicer) OBGYN monitored the two softball sized cysts on my right ovary, and said we’d just keep an eye on them until they went away. That worked for a while, but not for long. One night my mother insisted on taking me to the ER because I was practically screaming in pain. After another traumatic visit, I was, you guessed it, told to take Advil and go home. It was probably another rupture.

Except it wasn’t. The next day I visited my OBGYN for an ultrasound so she could see what was going on. I was called back later that night and told to come in for emergency surgery. The cysts were torsing my ovary and cutting off the blood supply. Very scary situation, I’d never had a big surgery before. I was rushed in for the laparoscopy. This procedure usually takes less than a half hour. For me, I was on the table over two and a half hours. The reason being, not only did I have two huge cysts, but I was discovered to also have endometriosis. The cysts and all my organs had lesions, and everything was fused together. My OBGYN had to scrape the extra tissue from all my organs, she said it was the worst case of endo she’s ever seen, and I must have the highest pain tolerance ever to not be screaming my head off all day long. It was during this surgery I lost my right ovary, dead from having no blood supply.

Recovering from that surgery took me six months. It was brutal and at times, humiliating. My insides were raw and my muscles felt like goo. The only good thing to come out of it was meeting my lovely physical therapist, whom I still talk to today.

Today, five years later, I still deal with PCOS and endo. I have it mostly under control with the depo shot and many other medications. But… I struggle to lose weight, I have high blood pressure, I have major chronic fatigue, I’m at risk for diabetes, I still have migraines and flare ups and GI problems. My health is always going to be a problem for me. I am always going to be battling my hormones. I am going to struggle getting pregnant, if I even can. I am always going to have the risk of losing my other ovary and going into early menopause. I can only pray that these two disorders don’t take away more from me.

#my story #endometriosis #pcos #chronic illness #invisible illness #pcos awareness #endo awareness #pcos symptoms #endo symptoms #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #shitty doctors

[boltupbitches]

One Kiss - Nick Bosa Part 6

Disclaimer: I am a HUGE abortion rights supporter. This chapter discusses abortion and deals with Natalie's dilemma of whether she wants to get one done or not. Please know that the decision made does not serve the purpose of persuading readers to oppose abortion. This is purely fictional work.

After being discharged from the hospital early the next day, Natalie spent most of the day in bed with Nick periodically checking on her.

She felt emotionally numb as she stared at the ceiling above her. Her mind entered a state of dissociation and it felt as if she was wandering freely in her mind with no way out of the daze. She knew it was the shock that set in over the circumstances she was currently dealing with.

Things felt like they were falling apart in rapid succession. She wanted to divorce Mark and keep her relationship with Nick separate. She wanted to keep her three worlds separated. She didn’t want her private life bleeding into her professional career and with Mark’s antics, it did. With Nick, she didn’t want him involved in her divorce proceedings against Mark and she didn’t want to get others involved in their relationship until she knew they would make it a little longer. She didn’t want Mark to know about Nick in any capacity, making the divorce proceedings worse.

Yet, here she was. Nick was not only involved in her divorce proceeding but also spoke to her mother - who now knows about him. It felt like her control of the situation was caving slightly in. It terrified her.

The biggest shock and fear of her system was the pregnancy. She was pregnant. Early on in her pregnancy, but pregnant nonetheless. Natalie felt so stupid for not noticing the signs sooner at 37 years old. As someone who had two prior pregnancy scares in her 20s, this one snuck up on her. She always had a history of irregular periods, but kept up religiously on birth control. The major changes were exhaustion, nausea, light-headed episodes, and increased appetite - all of which she had experienced in some way giving her anxiety disorder and depression.

In her moment of pondering she didn’t even realize that Nick had returned to their room once more until she felt the bed dip behind her.

Nick lay next to her on his side and wrapped an arm gently around her torso as he scooted closer to her.

He pressed a kiss gently to her temple and stayed there as he inhaled the scent of her shampoo from her hair. He pulled back and rested his head on his pillow as he stared at her.

Natalie shifted to her right side so she was now facing him. She studied his face with a blank expression as she took in his faint freckles, the slight crookedness of his nose from a childhood injury, the thicker beard he had been sporting as of late, and his dark brown eyes that were hooded with exhaustion. The emotions in his eyes were a mix of sadness and love.

She could feel a tug in her heart that helped in pulling the fog surrounding her mind. She could feel herself a little more clearly, the numbness was fading now as she continued to stare at her lover’s face.

“Hey,” she softly whispered.

“Hey,” he echoed back faintly.

“I’m..” she blinked, struggling to find her words. It felt like her jaw was stuck and her tongue too heavy to speak, “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be,” Nick said urgently. “Please, don’t be.”

His hand reached up to cup her left cheek as he leaned in once more to press his forehead against hers. 

They both breathed deeply, their hearts aching. This was so hard and incredibly painful.

They had to talk about it. Now - not later.

“I think… I think I’m going to call and make an appointment to.. terminate the pregnancy.” She says, tears starting to stream down her face. “I don’t know how else to make this work. There’s too much going on Nick. With my divorce, my work, and your career… how could we handle a baby on top of everything?”

Nick was crying now too, not even trying to school his face into the stoic expression he showed those outside his inner circle. “I could look after the baby when I’m not at practice and I don’t play year-round - it is a possibility.” Please was the word he wanted to add, but didn’t.

She looked up and bit her lip. “It’s only been five months.”

“People have been together and ended up pregnant in much less time, Natalie.” He tried to reason.

“I don’t want to lose you in my decision…” She admitted tearfully. “I don’t want an abortion to be the one thing that ruins us, but Nick, as a woman, please hear me out.”

“You won’t lose me,” he spoke fiercely, “You will never lose me. As long as you want me, I’m staying here with you. I just… Natalie, please give it some more thought before you do it. A baby is a beautiful thing - could you imagine a little girl that looks like us? Or a little boy?” He wiped his eyes, “I could imagine buying a bigger house for us - maybe in San Jose where the really good schools are at. In the summer months, we could spend it in Florida with my family. Your mom can come visit and stay with us whenever.”

Natalie cried more as she listened to Nick’s fantasy. It was clear he had been thinking about this before the pregnancy and it had been something at the forefront of his mind these last 24 hours.

“Ok… I’ll think about it, Nick.” She promised.

She knew she wasn’t likely going to change her mind but she felt she at least owed him that with how much he stayed by her side these last few months. She knew that while it was her decision in the end, she wanted him to know that she heard him.

‘Why did this have to happen now?’ She thought to herself as she forced a smile on her face at the look of relief on Nick’s. 

—--------------------------------------

Nick had spent the last couple of days caring for her, but when Shanahan called and bitched him out about making sure he showed up for practice since playoffs were around the corner (he took a few days for family - not telling his coach the true reason), Nick had no choice but to drag his feet to his car and head to practice.

It didn’t stop him from calling her to check in on her at least three times throughout the day.

Natalie took that time to secretly sneak off to her OBGYN appointment. She went without Nick to get some answers from her doctor without added pressure. He would surely be disappointed for not being included but Natalie felt like she needed some answers on her own.

After checking in with the receptionist, Natalie sat down and started updating her medical paperwork. The waiting room was quiet with no one else in the room with her. The only noise that could be heard was the television faintly playing some telenovela and the central air kicking on above her.

Suddenly, the door opened and a young woman walked in with a car seat. She pushed the door shut and walked to the front desk, passing Natalie as she went. She appeared exhausted and the c was very heavy for her as she leaned slightly over to one side to try and compensate for the weight.

Natalie couldn’t help but stare as she saw a tiny hand reach out in the car seat and move around for a moment before it disappeared from sight once more. 

“Hi, yes, I’m here for my check-up. Marissa Cruz.” She said brightly.

She shifted once more with the car seat as the receptionist checked the system and then said, “Yes, we have you fro 10:30 am. You’re a few minutes late but that’s ok. We recently updated our billing system and are asking patients to provide their insurance cards so we can re-scan. Can you provide yours please?”

“Umm.. Yes, one second.” She turned towards the row of chairs where Natalie sat and approached her, “Hi, I am so sorry to bother you. Could you please just keep an eye on my daughter for a brief minute while I finish checking in?”

Natalie blinked in surprise before setting her clipboard down and nodding nervously, “Um… sure, yeah that’s fine.”

The woman, Marissa, sat the car seat down and thanked her profusely before rushing back over to the receptionist who was waiting for her.

Natalie stared down at the baby who was gnawing on her hand and stared back with curious eyes. “Hello little one,” Natalie said softly.

The baby cooed back in greeting and kicked her feet under her blanket. 

Natalie felt herself gulp and her eyes prick with tears as she thought back to the last week of her life since discovering her pregnancy. Seeing a baby right now was pulling at her heartstrings and making her think about the ‘what-ifs’.

Marissa had returned and sat her bag down with a deep sigh as she turned towards Natalie. “Thank you so much for looking after my baby. I’m Marissa. Sometimes I just don’t have enough arms to get everything done.” 

“My name’s Natalie. I can imagine. I feel that way at work a lot - but I’m dealing with adult babies there.” Natalie joked.

Marissa laughed at that and reached down to scoop up her cooing daughter. “This is Alana. Would you like to hold her?”

Natalie didn’t realize that she was looking longingly at the baby, her hormones having kicked up. “S-sure. Let me put some Germ-x on first. I know babies have sensitive immune systems.” She turned and fished at the disinfectant from her purse and a mask. She put the mask on and cleaned her hands before reaching nervously for the baby.

Marissa passed Alana over and smiled as the baby squirmed in Natalie’s arm. Alana was trying to get comfy so she could stare up at the woman holding her with curious eyes.

“Hi there, Ms. Alana,” Natalie said softly. “It’s nice to meet you.” She looked up to a smiling Marissa.

“How far along are you?” Marissa asked knowingly.

“W-what.. How did you know?” Natalie asked in shock.

“I was sitting in the same place you’re in a little over a year ago. The nerves, the tiredness, and the leg tapping.” Marissa said simply.

“I’m not sure how far along I am. I think less than 10 weeks but I suppose I’ll know for sure soon.” Natalie rocked Alana gently as she explained.

“Will this be your first?” Marissa asked as she reached down to grab her water bottle from the diaper bag.

“Yeah, it’s my first. At 37 years old - I guess that makes it a geriatric pregnancy.” Natalie said jokingly. 

“Ehh. Being pregnant at 37 sounds way better than being pregnant at 24 - which was me. My party days are over.” Marissa laughed.

“Do you miss being child-free?” Natalie asked.

“Sometimes I do. Usually when I wish I could sleep in but now I have a little one who is hungry every day by 6 a.m. I’ve learned to adapt a lot though in the last few months. It is a work in progress.”

Natalie nodded as she stared back down at the now-dosing baby.

The door next to the receptionist window opened and a nurse appeared with a clipboard, “Natalie Collins?”

“That’s me,” Natalie turned towards Marissa and carefully handed the baby over to her. “It was nice meeting you and your daughter, Marissa. Take care.” She smiled as the woman took the baby out of her arms.

Natalie stood and removed her mask as Marissa smiled back. “Same here, Natalie. Take care and good luck!” 

The nurse guided Natalie back to the room and took her vitals. “Alright, Dr. Conti will be in,” she hands her a gown. “Open side is on in the front.”

It wasn’t long until her doctor came in with the nurse at her side.

“Hello, Ms. Collins. It’s good to see you again.” Her doctor smiled. “I got the report from your ER visit a couple of days ago. It appears that you are pregnant?” 

“Yes,” Natalie nodded nervously at the older woman. “Not sure how far along I am but I think maybe 2 months or close to it. The ER doctor just said it was early in my pregnancy, but didn’t elaborate further.”

“That’s not surprising to hear, unfortunately.” Her doctor frowned. “Well, let’s get a look here.”

Natalie laid back as the nurse instructed her and waited as the nurse applied the ultrasound gel to her abdomen. 

After a few minutes and some small chit-chat, an image popped up on the screen. There was a small, golf-ball-sized shape that appeared on the screen. The doctor moved around a few times before refocusing once more. “This, Ms. Collins, is your baby. It appears to be about 8 weeks old at this current time, so you’re very early on in the process. We aren’t going to see much at this point in the pregnancy, but as it progresses, by week 12 it’ll look more like a fetus and less like an embryo.”

Natalie watched with rapt attention at the small object on the screen. Her eyes were tearing up slightly as she reached up to quickly swipe one of her tears away. “I.. wow.” Was all she could utter. 

“It sure is fascinating - I’m glad we can now offer early ultrasounds for expecting mothers. It used to be that you had to wait until you were a few months along to get an image.” Her doctor explained. “Did you want any print-offs?”

“Yes please,” Natalie said softly, as her mind went to Nick who was unaware she was even here. “If.. I decide to not keep the pregnancy, what are my options?”

The nurse was helping her clean her stomach off as Dr. Conti typed a few notes in her chart at the computer. 

“If you decide to terminate the pregnancy right now, it would be a prescription that can be taken until 11 weeks along. After that, an in-clinic abortion can be performed until 24 weeks." Her doctor explained. “Are you considering this option?”

“I don’t know quite yet with everything going on in my life. I just don’t know where I stand with my decision yet.” Natalie said nervously.

“You have time to decide, and you have support here from our office in whatever that decision is,” Her doctor reassured her.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. We’ll leave you to get dressed and you can book your next visit with the receptionist, ok?” Her doctor handed her the printed ultrasound pictures. “Whatever you decide, Natalie, know that there is no judgment here.” Her doctor smiled and then headed out of the room.

Natalie got dressed quickly and gingerly picked up the ultrasound pictures in front of her. Her eyes studied the small blob-like shape on the image as her brain tried to imagine what it would look like as a fully developed baby. Would it look like her more than Nick? Or vice-versa? Would it have Nick’s curls and her nose? 

Her hand shook slightly as she pressed it softly to her abdomen, almost as if reaching true realization of what was growing inside of her. A baby. Not just hers, but also Nick’s.

She knew she still had time to decide on what she was planning to do. Natalie knew that her heart was starting to lean one way while her brain was going the other way.

If only it was an easy decision to make.

#nick bosa fanfiction #nick bosa imagines #nick bosa fanfic #one kiss series

[sucrows]

Hi! I hope you're doing well!!

I recently came across your blog and I love your writing! After reading your Mao alphabet post, I was wondering if you could do I, M and W for Kaoru please?

Awww, you’re so sweet, I’m doing well and am happy you like my work 😊 

(NSFW UNDER CUT)

[I] INTIMACY: 

Already answered here!

[M] MOTIVATION:

Already answered here!

[W] WILD CARD:

He’s super paranoid about protection sometimes. He buys a new box of condoms every month no matter what, he sets his own alarms for his partners birth control, he gets STD tests religiously outside of relationships (and even on occasion in them.), he does everything. He’s not ready to deal with the responsibility of being a parent and is terrified of the idea of getting an STD. They’re good habits and he keeps it on the downlow, but it’s always lingering somewhere in the back of his mind. 

#ask game #enstars smut #enstars x reader #enstars x reader smut #ensemble stars smut #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars x reader smut #kaoru hakaze #kaoru hakaze x reader #kaoru hakaze x reader smut #kaoru hakaze smut #hc.crow #hc.nsfw #hc.kaoru #kaoru.nsfw

[melis-writes]

I think I’ve briefly received this question in the past but it came up again so I wanted to address why there’s no religious themes or mentions in any of my fics, like Moth to Flame. 👀

With the exception of the baptism scene in The Godfather which is in Moth to Flame itself, I don’t use any religious symbolism, themes, or mentions throughout the fic or any of my fics and I’m going to keep it that way. Here’s my reasons why in case anyone was curious! ❤️

It’s an X Reader fic where you “are” the character. You may take the name Victoria, Marina, Gabriella—whomever—and their role, lifestyle, mannerisms and POV, because the fic is written to integrate you into the scene and the world. If it was any other unrelated OC, generally speaking, it could be different, but I scarcely ever add mention of religion to my work in general so probably not.

Following up with the above point, not every reader/person is religious. Not everyone wants to read religious themes, chapters, activities, etc or have their character act on such.

Religion only plays a role in symbolism in The Godfather. I don’t see it as integral or mind blowingly crucial in any way. The characters whom I perceive as religious are Carmela Corleone (implied so, seeing her wear a cross necklace in TGF2 but especially in the book), Kay Adams (in the book she converts to Catholicism and practices everyday).

Introducing religion to the fics would be a major alteration to the plot. Characters would act different ways, religious mortality would be considered, religious activity would be attended and it would also shape the upbringing of children in the fic—all things someone not a part of that religion personally reading the fic may not care at all for or feel comfortable.

I know I often get asks/suggestions about two characters having a very big family because “no birth control or condoms or abortion because they’re Catholic” but I don’t care about that in the fic. None of the characters’ actions or decisions are moved by religion in my fics and abortion is not off the table either. Abortion is stigmatized as it was back in those days to historical accuracy only. Even Kay being a practicing Catholic got an abortion, and she didn’t mention anything religious to Michael other than use the word “unholy” to describe their marriage/lifestyle.

We know the characters of The Godfather to be Catholic but other than Mama Corleone or Kay—and that’s 99% only in the book—who is actively practicing and gets screen time? It’s very debatable how the characters use religion in their own personal lives from the entire baptism scene to the concept of being a godfather all the way to Fredo saying a Hail Mary at the end of TGF2. We could go on and on discussing how it may be an upbringing, subtle family traditions or a coping mechanism to which characters and why forever.

For anyone who is religious, feel free to project that onto the characters as you read to your heart’s content. Feel free not to. It’s up to you, but in the grand scheme of things I don’t assign religion to my characters. Religion is not canon in my fics.

#updates #moth to flame fic #mafia wife fic #the other woman fic

[bethanydelleman]

The Problem with Virginity and Jane Austen

Long post and discussions of sex, non-graphic mention of sexual assault

There was a really thought provoking post by @anghraine which has me thinking about the male heroes and sex in Jane Austen’s novels.

From a modern perspective, I think it can be nicer to imagine that all of the Austen hero men, Darcy, Knightley, Brandon, Wentworth, Tilney, Bingley, Edward, and Edmund, are virgins. After all, they live in a pre-birth control era and syphilis is running rampant. None of us want to imagine Elizabeth’s nose falling off twenty years down the road or Catherine bumping into a very familiar looking child in Woodston village. (and yes, I’m well aware they had some forms of birth control but nothing like today, women were desperate for what we have today, it’s a modern miracle)

I am no sociologist, but I have observed a lot of human behaviour from the present and a lot of sex is had, and unsafe sex too. Teenagers are wild. I also know from church records in the period that many people “anticipated their vows” because there are a miraculous number of babies born within a few months of their parents marrying who live to tell the tale. I also know that London was full of prostitutes and many high and wealthy men had mistresses, sometimes very publically. The navy had problems with homosexual sex (which may have been a social acceptance problem or a rape problem *ahem* modern military) and with a lot of prostitution occuring on shore (source: Brian Southam who wrote a wonderful book called Jane Austen and the Navy) It was a work hard, party hard sort of lifestyle, as we can see below in this Thomas Rowlandson painting:

So the least likely to be a virgin in my mind is Wentworth, with his eight years of success at sea, followed by Brandon, who was stationed abroad in the military, also trying to get over a lost love, and Knightley, based on age alone (he is the oldest at 38). 

Now on to the big issue, are we readers wishing virginity on the Jane Austen men for the right reasons? Syphilis and natural children aside, I grew up in a church that pushed the purity gospel and it is not good. It messes people up. They are now writing books about what it did to people. So I don’t want to force puritanical ideals on Jane Austen’s heroes just because I was taught some very harmful rhetoric.

I personally know men who waited for marriage, but they also tended to marry early (22-25). In most churches who teach this message, both men and women marry because they want to have sex (even though we aren’t supposed to do that, I know, it’s very shocking s/). So I can see Edmund and Edward being virgins on their wedding nights because they are both religious and both quite young (plus a secret engagement formed when Edward was 19). Even Bingley might be, though he seems much more out in the world. But the older these men get and still seem indifferent to marrying, I think they are getting something elsewhere. (they may also have low libido, this is very possible and not discussed enough but I can only say so much in one post)

I listened to a lecture once about if Darcy is a virgin which ended with the professor saying, “Of course not, he went to university” and he then explained that a lot of drinking and sex was happening at these places. Now we know Darcy looked down on what Wickham was doing at Cambridge, but was this because Darcy was going about it “the right way” while Wickham was seducing tradesmen’s daughters and servants? Possible too.

It is also possible that some of these Hero Austen men might have a mistress down the road. If you want to have sex, there is always a possibility of having a baby. Lady Bertram, with her perfect four child family, might well have told Sir Thomas to start looking elsewhere. I have read a letter from a woman in this century who sent her husband away because she had five babies in five years and she was done. It’s just a whole different concept than today. There was no “trying” for a baby, you had sex and babies came. But add to that half a family being swept away in sudden illness, you were relying on those extra children to make it to adulthood. Women faced being pregnant constantly for 15-20 years!

So yes, I would like the Austen men to be virgins (and I really think basically all the unmarried women we meet are), but I think it’s a desire heavily influenced by my own upbringing and the Victorian era. Henry Crawford, who is morally dubious but still, completely separates love and sex in his mind. That is something that seems crazy to us today, but the aristocracy at the time seem to share this view. You have a wife, you treat her “right” and you have a mistress on the side. Somehow, in this era, that was accepted as okay.

I agree that Jane Austen probably wasn’t on board with a lot of this, but she also wasn’t privy to those conversations that we would also need to hear to have a full view of the era. Were the men bragging about sexual conquests when the women left after dinner? Was a good husband one who kept a mistress and didn’t let anyone know? Or one who didn’t get the servants pregnant? Or was it good enough not to mess with your own class? (Darcy did not decide to warn the lower class people of Meryton about Wickham, are those women below his notice?) Everyone is horrified by the treatment of Eliza Williams, but if Willoughby had provided a hundred a year for the baby would he be okay? Emma seems to approve of what Harriet’s father has done in her maintenance.

I just don’t know. 

#jane austen #virginity is a tricky concept #I was so brainwashed I wouldn't dye my hair because it was virgin and that word basically meant good to me #jane austen heroes #wentworth #darcy #knightley #henry tilney #edmund bertram #edward ferrars #charles bingley #colonel brandon

[cherienymphe]

I didn’t want to copy and paste the whole thing but every point you made in that post about motherhood and children was really great and I wholeheartedly agree with all of them. A lot of men don’t deserve kids and their bloodline should probably just die off!! Although I wouldn’t say I’m pro abortion. Def pro choice tho. Wanting to have control over someone’s bodily autonomy is just the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Me personally tho I just can’t use the term pro abortion when it comes to my own beliefs because—and I don’t wanna make anybody mad by saying this cuz believe me I know about the controversy surrounding my religious community and don’t condone it AT ALL (I’m a follower of Jesus not a follower of the church itself)—I’m Catholic. A lot of ppl will say that you can’t be pro choice if you’re Christian but I simply just don’t believe that. Not to mention the Catholic Church doesn’t support any form of contraception at all but I won’t even get into that cuz it pisses me off 💀 like are you anti contraceptive or anti abortion?? Pick a side, cuz you can’t have both!! but yeah being a Catholic while simultaneously not wanting children is definitely… interesting. Cuz the church is very traditional

Nah I know plenty of Christians who are pro choice because your own personal beliefs shouldn't give you the right to make other people's life choices for them. I hate that so many Christian's don't get that and so many of those same pro lifers don't actually give af about children because they'll go on to vote for things that restrict the rights of children and/or don't actually improve their quality of life. They'll be pro life but support genocide. Pro life but vehemently against services that help single moms and their kids. Pro life but they think if little kids can't afford school lunch then they just shouldn't eat. Pro life but think it's perfectly healthy and divine for a 10 year old to give birth. Make it make sense

#asks

[slippinmickeys]

The Mesas of Deuteronilus Mensae (29/32)

TW: this chapter includes discussion of abortion as well as the perils of pregnancy and childbirth

“You… what?” he asked, and felt like he’d been taken out at the knees.

“My hCG levels are off the charts, Mulder. I’m a minimum of seven weeks pregnant.”

He grabbed onto the lab table to hold himself up. “But we’re… That’s not possible.”

She held up the bottles in her hand. “I’m afraid it is,” she said. “Remember when I told you that they’d loaded the wrong lot numbers of medications on board the rover when we first headed out?”

He nodded weakly, unable to do anything else.

“These are the birth control pills—male and female—that were on board Robo-2 when it failed. These were in the case with the broken latch. They were irradiated, Mulder. I had set them aside in the Med Bay, but they must have…” her words trailed off and she suddenly looked lost and scared. “Oh my God, Mulder.”

His feet felt like dumbbells and his chest too compressed, but he also knew the role he needed to play here. He needed to be measured. Calm. Supportive. If only the cap of his skull didn’t feel like it was about to pop off and float away.

“Hey,” he finally said, taking a heavy step toward her. “Hey. It’s okay.” He reached out towards her with a hand.

“It’s not okay.”

“But it will be. No matter what, it will be.” He didn’t know why, but he felt it with a kind of religious certainty.

Scully let the hand holding the pill bottles fall to her side, the sound like a heavy maraca.

Feeling all at sea, Mulder turned to look around to orient himself and caught his reflection in the porthole, his jaw pencil-shaded with stubble. The dust that was stuck to and piled up against the windows made the rover seem insular, subterranean. Womb-like.

“I don’t know how I didn’t know,” Scully ruminated out loud.

It wasn’t until that moment that Mulder realized he was naked. He cast about for something to cover himself with, his eyes landing on the sheet that had covered their cot, pulled half off the mattress, the corner coiled in on itself, stretched into an arrow to point at the floor.

“You didn’t realize you’d missed a period?” he asked, wincing at how churlish he sounded.

“All of our cycles have been irregular since we left Earth,” she said, distracted, referring to the other female crew members. She hadn’t noticed his faux pas. “The symptoms all fit, but they don’t.”

“Low gravity,” Mulder said, mediating his tone, trying to give her an out. “Stress.”

“Yes,” she nodded and walked a few feet over to the cot to sit down. The skin of her legs was lily white in the rover’s interior lights, blue veins near the surface of her dermis like freshwater tributaries. Mulder drifted over and sat beside her.

“I’m here with you,” he said, every other thought bottlenecked in his throat by sheer force of will. He wanted to ask what her plan was, how she was feeling, what the hell they were going to do. He wanted to be horrified. He wanted to be delighted. He had no idea how or where to be. So he said “I’m here with you,” again.

“Mulder,” she whispered, finally looking at him. There was a tear in her left eye that wouldn’t fall, hope and fright and euphoria all coalesced into a single liquid pearl.

XxXxXxXxXxX

She’d always thought it would happen in a bathroom, a plastic wand in her hand and her husband on the other side of the door, the longest three minutes of her life. She hadn’t considered this. This was dangerous and upsetting and thrilling in the worst sense of the word and as simple as it sounded, this pregnancy was unplanned, in a world where everything was necessarily planned down to the last detail.

And they couldn’t even tell anybody. Not that she wanted to.

“The rover isn’t supplied with abortifacients,” she blurted and almost clapped her hands over her mouth in horror.

“Right,” Mulder said, still looking pretty dazed. He blinked a few times and then seemed to come to himself, his tone carefully measured. “That’s what you want to do, then? Abort it?”

Something long and uncomfortable unfurled in her belly. “Well, I…”

Mulder looked around for a second and then swiped up the jumpsuit he’d shedded the night before, standing to pull it up and on himself. He sat back down next to her, licked his lips.

“I’m… Please understand that I’m not pressuring you in any way,” he started, and she nodded at him gratefully. “I understand there are serious bioethical concerns, here.” She continued to nod at him, maintaining eye contact, the only way to keep herself level. “And ultimately, with the position that we’re in, it may not be our decision.” The fact that he kept referring to ‘them’ made her want to weep. “But I’m… Well, like I said, I’m with you,” he finished somewhat lamely.

Her hand whipped out to grab onto his. She gripped him like she might fall off the face of the planet if she let go.

She didn’t say anything else.

Xx

SOL 112

They had managed, somehow, to fall back asleep. They woke up around the same time they normally did, went about their normal routines in relative silence. Only when Scully distributed their morning cocktail of pills and vitamins did either one say a word.

“This seems,” Mulder said, thumbing the pills that she’d shaken out into his palm. “Somehow both pointless and redundant.”

Scully chuffed a laugh, the tension in the rover finally breaking. “At least take the vitamins. If we roll back into the HAB pregnant and scurvy-riddled, I don’t think our careers will survive.”

Mulder dry-swallowed the dusty capsules, leaving his birth control pill on the tabletop, where it sat, glaring and accusatory, until Scully swiped it up and deposited it in the rover’s small hazards container.

“So,” she said, sitting down next to him, nervously fingering the edge of the plastic wrap that covered her microwaved eggs.

“So,” he answered. “Bioethical concerns.”

He was diving straight in to save her the embarrassment and also setting her up to drive the arguments while taking the emotion out of the subject as best he could. She could have kissed him for it.

“Yes,” she said, downing the torpedoes. “They’re legion.”

He took a sip of coffee and nodded at her to go on.

“The ethical implications of pregnancy on mission—when we’re not yet fully set up as a colony and able to accommodate children—are varied and vast.” He settled in beside her, ran a finger gently over her knee in support.

“What’s the principal concern?” he asked.

“Taking the medical concerns out of it, it could put the entire crew in danger,” she said bluntly. “Resources. ood, medical supplies—hell, even air and water—are limited. They were precisely calculated for ten humans. Not eleven.” Or more , she thought, but didn’t say, her mind picturing the hCG numbers and briefly entertaining the thought of twins.

“Counterpoint,” he said, and then added softly, “without hope or agenda,” and she sighed, a small relief. “We’re provisioned for seven years, twice what we need even if there’s an issue with the next set of colonists who are due to arrive in less than two. At this point, it would still be pretty easy to recalculate and re-provision us with supplies and personnel with their arrival.”

Scully nodded once, acknowledging his point.

“I’m starting small,” she said, and he gestured for her to go on. “A pregnancy and child would put a strain on the mother and compromise her ability to continue her necessary duties for the mission, therefore putting an additional workload on the remainder of the crew. Who would, I must point out, be forced to compensate, especially if there were complications due to the potential for significant risk to the mother’s life.” She was aware that she was now referring to herself in the third person.

“Which are?” Mulder asked, a first hint of concern crossing over his features.

“Pregnancy in lower gravity environments has been shown to be feasible, but not without challenges,” she said. “Separate studies by both Ijiri and Ronca show that animal pregnancies and births can occur in microgravity—”

“Yes, we’ve proven the former,” Mulder interjected somewhat bashfully.

“But not the latter,” Scully reminded him. “Mammal births on board the International Space Station cited by Ronca were found to be more difficult during labor and were more likely to result in stillbirths.”

“But that’s zero G,” Mulder pointed out.

“Correct,” Scully said. “Obviously 40% gravity would likely decrease those risks. But not,” she felt compelled to point out, “mitigate them completely.”

“What else did those studies show?”

Scully thought back to the papers she’d read. “The presence of cosmic radiation had a detrimental effect on the fetus during development. Substantial data demonstrated that radiation can cause gross malformations, growth retardation and central nervous system abnormalities.”

“But we’ve elimated the presence of radiation with the planetary shield,” Mulder said. “If you stayed on Mars throughout the duration of your pregnancy, cosmic radiation wouldn’t be an issue.”

Bless him, he was playing devil’s advocate in a kind, supportive way.

“That’s true,” Scully demured. “But. Let’s say the child survives. A baby born with birth defects or one born prematurely would be more difficult to care for in an environment with such limited resources. Particularly when the only fully qualified doctor is the mother—who, I feel must be pointed out, could die in childbirth.”

“There’s a lot of time for several of us to be trained up, Scully. To ensure that wouldn’t happen.”

“Impossible to ensure, even on Earth.”

He tilted his chin, conceding the point, and she shook her head ruefully, running out of argumentative steam. “We don’t have a tiny EVA suit, Mulder. Nor one with a distended belly.”

“Shaw can do wonders with that 3D printer,” he said gently.

She ran her eyes over his face, with his wantonly abashed eyes and his too-big nose. “Oh Mulder,” she whispered.

He reached out and took her hand. “Do we report it to Ehrlich? Mission Control? How do you want to play this?”

Scully steeled herself. “Not without more information first. There’s some tests I want to run on that third sample of blood.” She swallowed hard. “And we should do a sonogram. Find out exactly what we’re dealing with here.”

“Okay,” Mulder said, sitting up straighter. “Let me know what I can do to help.”

XxXxXxXxXxX

Scully removed the bottom half of her jumpsuit and pulled herself up onto the tabletop in the lab. There were extenders on either end of it that she’d protracted, there in case it needed to be transformed into a med bay, and Mulder had come over without being asked and set up a pillow and blanket from the cot onto it to make her more comfortable. It was the very least he could do. Thus situated, she glanced up at him, looking small and vulnerable. She handed him the small portable ultrasound screen, keeping a grip on the attached wand.

“Blood work looked good,” she said shyly. “Can you hold this?” She reached out and adjusted his hand position. “Like so, so I can see it.”

He nodded dumbly and moved so she could see the small screen more easily. With that, she grabbed a tube of gel and dribbled some onto her exposed torso. Mulder felt like he might puke, more nervous than he had any right to be, and he was feeling a giddy excitement that he felt duty bound to keep tidily hidden.

“Okay,” Scully said. “Turn it on. The switch is on the side. There.”

Mulder flipped the little lever and the screen wobbled to life, a low hiss emitting from the tiny speakers on either side.

Scully maneuvered the wand around through the goop, her eyes glued to the screen, the lines on her forehead a chevron of concentration. Every slight twitch of the wand emitted a crackling burst of sound, and Mulder felt his heart in his throat, his lips and mouth gone dry. Finally, with a slight twist of her wrist, on a small inhale of surprise, there was a quick rhythmic thrumming, and Scully said, breathily, “There.”

Mulder left his arm where it was so that she could see, but angled his body so that he could see too.

The machine was small, but the technology in it absolutely cutting edge and at the forefront of what was technologically possible, NASA sending up the very best. The picture it showed on the screen was incredibly detailed. Mulder could see the bulbous, rounded edge of a dolichocephalic skull, two stems of tiny arms that extended into newly forming hands, and the flitting, round pulse of the fetus’s heart. His breath left him in a whoosh.

Scully moved the wand this way and that, muttering quietly to herself. “It’s um,” she finally said, pausing to swallow thickly. “I mean, I’m not an expert, but measurements, coupled with the hCG numbers, put it, best I can tell, around eight, nine weeks.”

“I—” Mulder started to say, and found that he had no words.

They had the information they needed, but Scully didn’t move the wand, didn’t instruct Mulder to turn off the machine. She left it there, and stared at the life they’d created, her eyes fixed on the fetus’s rapid, hummingbird-like heart. Mulder found himself doing the same thing.

After several minutes, she finally, quietly said, “Okay. Okay,” and pulled the wand off her belly on a crackle of sound, and Mulder flipped the machine off, plunging the rover into an echoing silence.

Mulder accepted the wand while Scully wiped the goop off of her skin and he set the machine carefully onto the table next to her.

“If you don’t mind,” she said, sitting up and licking her lips. “I’d like to wait a bit before we contact the HAB.”

Mulder bent over to retrieve her jumpsuit, which he handed over. “Take all the time you need,” he said thickly.

XxXxXxXxXxX

They were going to make her get rid of it. She knew this. If she were Ehrlich or the Mission Commander, or even the head of NASA or the goddamn President of the United States, she would do the same thing. Terminate the pregnancy. Protect the lives of the crew and the integrity of the mission. There was no other choice. Any other course of action would be an appalling and careless negligence. And yet.

And yet.

She didn’t want to. One look at the screen, one look at the developing fetus and she could see the child in her mind's eye, could feel its skin against her breast, could see its potential, could feel its spirit. And she knew just by looking at him that Mulder felt the same way. He knew as well as she did what Mission Control would ask them to do, and there was a heaviness weighing on him that she couldn’t bear to think about.

Though they didn’t have abortifacients on the rover, they did at the HAB. And they had just enough time—only just—to get back to Base Base so they could safely use them. Any more than the weeks it would take them to get there if they left immediately, and the drugs they had on hand would no longer be safe to use. And Scully knew without checking that they didn’t have the equipment—nor any of the other crew the skill or proficiency to safely use them—to attempt a late term abortion. Not to mention the PR nightmare Angela McDonnell would quake over were that their only option.

No, they were about to be ordered back to the HAB—as soon as the dust storm was past—and she would have to give up this child.

There was no sense dwelling on it, she finally decided, and stood up from the cot to find Mulder, who was sitting glumly in the pilot’s seat.

“You ready?” he said without looking up, his voice ever so slightly strained. Mulder knew what was coming, too.

“Yes,” she said, and before he could instruct her to do so, she walked to the breaker box and flipped the switch for the comms.

There was an immediate burst of static and then a low hiss. Mulder pressed a few buttons on the control panel in front of him. “Here we go,” he said, finally looking up to meet Scully’s eye. What she saw in his own threatened to break her heart. Nevertheless, he turned back to the control panel and depressed the button for the mic.

“HAB, HAB, HAB, this is Rover Two, over,” he said.

There was no answer but the silent hiss of the comm system and the occasional crackle of static.

“HAB, HAB, HAB, this is Rover Two, over,” he repeated.

Still nothing. He leaned forward and pressed a few buttons, checking the system. Scully finally lowered herself into the seat next to him.

“HAB, HAB, HAB, this is Rover Two, over,” he said again, his voice a little more energetic.

Hiss. Crackle. Hiss.

“Someone fall asleep at the mic?” he said under his breath. There was always a crew member stationed at Base Base, particularly when there were astronauts out on EVA. It was protocol.

“Everything okay on our end?” Scully asked, bringing up the same comm readout that Mulder was looking at.

“We’ve got basic interference from the storm, same as we had before,” Mulder said. “But we’re broadcasting.”

“What about Mission Control?” Scully asked. “Can we ring them up?”

Mulder threw her a look. Ehrlich would definitely want to be informed first, but this was something that the Mission Commander at Control would need to know right away.

Mulder sighed. “I’ll try them.”

Scully sat back. When they connected with Mission Control back on Earth, it would take several minutes for the team there to get their message and several more for any message to be relayed back to the rover.

“Huh,” Mulder said after a few moments. “The channel to Mission Control isn’t open.”

Scully sat up, ramrod straight. The channel between all rovers and robotic assistants and Houston was always open. It was a mission parameter. There was a unit on top of the HAB that had its own power source and backups so that it would work even if something catastrophic happened at the HAB.

“That’s not possible,” she said. “You’re sure it’s not on our end?”

Mulder looked at the screen again. “Positive,” he said, shooting her a worried look. “Scully, the phone is ringing,” there was an edge to his voice. “But no one is picking up.”

#the x-files #fanfic #my fic #msr #au #wip #mars au

[catboymoments]

I’m sorry if I haven’t posted much about the roe v wade situation and since you guys know about me being religious lemme clear up some stuff.

I’m pro choice. Abortion should be a right- and it should be safe, sanctioned and protected. What the Supreme Court is doing is despicable and an attack on the bodies of people with uteruses. It’s a blatant attempt to control us with Christofacist tactics. That being said!!

I don’t… like abortion personally. It’s a squick, almost sort of a trigger for me. The thought of the procedure itself makes me very uncomfortable, and if I wound up pregnant and I could carry to term, I would. I don’t believe people should be glib about the procedure or “celebrate” it as some people say- and planned parenthood has some issues that go overlooked. But I am pro choice. I will help people get access to safe abortions, I won’t encourage you to pray about it and forced birth is a crime. I am a feminist first and foremost, and as a nonbinary transmasc my feminism is intersectional. I will fight for you.

I haven’t posted much about it online other than the occasional retweet because 1) I don’t think that real work towards change is done by posting on social media and 2) it’s VERY stressful for me. I already have a hard enough time with two pro life parents, and I wanna use my space online as a break from the awful things going on in this world. My activism isn’t going to leave a digital footprint so to speak.

Anyway- TLDR; don’t get it twisted- I’m religious but I am 100% pro choice. Abortion rights now, abortion rights forever. ✌️

#abortion

[tricktster]

In 2017 the Strange Planet guy tweeted something supporting March for Life. When asked about it years later he dodged the question of his personal stance on abortion and said his votes go to the democratic party. That's the entire basis for that last ask, apparently.

Aw geez, welp, that’s what I get for touching The Discourse.

Like, I’ll be real, even vaguely supporting March for Life is wicked uncool with me. My job is healthcare adjacent and typically involves very bad outcomes that nobody could prevent, and boy oh boy do I have nightmares about some of the stuff that’s happened to patients just in the ordinary course of their planned and extremely wanted pregnancies. The prospect of my government subjecting me or anyone else to that kind of thing against my will?????? PARTICULARLY when it’s explicitly based in religious beliefs that I do not share and my country’s constitution explicitly provides that governments are not to use as the basis for legislative or judicial decisionmaking????????? Yeah, uh, fuck that actually.

And like… I don’t have beef with you if you disagree with me on that - as long as you don’t try to impose your belief on other people’s bodies. And for what it’s worth, March for Life is a movement actively endeavoring to use legal force to impose a certain strain of religious (or fine, if you want to get semantic, “philosophical” in some cases) belief on everyone with a uterus. I have significant beef with supporting that. I think it’s a fucking monstrous thing to support, and I can only conclude that people who try to impose their belief on my body view me and everyone else who can give birth as less than fully human, and therefore not entitled to self-determination or control over our bodies, health, or medical decisionmaking. I do not fuck with that.

But also… life is gray and complicated and and people can have wicked bad takes, and even support causes I find monstrous and offensive, and they can still make entirely inoffensive cartoons about axolotls that make me giggle, and… I dunno. Maybe I whiffed that last call, which was admittedly uninformed and based entirely on one anonymous person’s ask. Or maybe not, because like… blerg.

Also… I am sure that plenty of people out there think I have my own super shitty takes and am worthy of being deleted from the internet, because in my experience most people have one or two blindspots and I’m not deluded enough to think that I’m exempt. In conclusion, this is why I usually just stick to writing incredibly long stories that coulda been summed up just as easily in a few sentences on here. And posting pictures of aquariums. Being my own problematic fave. This wasn’t a conclusion at all okay I’m done bye.

[diamonddoll]

I’m so embarassed. I went for a consultation for accutane today. I started it a few months ago but have since moved so I’m switching doctors. She has no problem agreeing to prescribe it to me. She then explains how you need to be on 2 forms of birth control…hormnal and condoms/etc. This is HIGHLY emphasized when taking accutane because it’s very dangerous if you get pregnant. She asks if I’m on the pill. I say no. And she’s like how did your last doctor prescribe you accutane then?? And I said abstinence. She gives me a very hard time about that and explains that one of her patients lost her virginity and got pregnant while on accutane and had to get an abortion. My last doctor explained the same thing but she was less judgy about it? Like I feel like she doesn’t believe me. I understand she’s doing her job and has to assume most women my age are having sex but like…she doesn’t know my relationship with sex? I could have vaginitis. I could be a lesbian. I could be religious. I could only engage in non penetrative sex. Idk. Then she stepped out of the room while I filled some forms and I hear her explain to her assisstant that I was going on accutane and choosing abstinence as my form of birth control. Then she paused as if she was rolling her eyes of muttering something so I couldn’t hear. I feel so ashamed I’m honestly considering going on the pill just to avoid judgement. I mean I’ve put worse things in my body.