#I’m going to seriously fucking kill myself if this doesn’t end it’s been too fucking long and I’m so tired I’m so fucking tired

[luveline]

what abouttttt

zombie!steve and reader (at any point tho i feel like this would make sense after the college got attacked) are like scavenging in a pharmacy and steve wanting to make his girl laugh puts on the stupidest prescription glasses that he found near the front desk but then? reader comes over and hes like have you always had that mole? and he refuses to take them off even tho theyre far sighted which makes the trek back to camp slightly unsafe but he cant stop staring at readers face because hes never seen it so clear

thank you for your request<3

“I really need some chocolate,” you lament, pulling at his hand as you drift together down the aisle toward the snack section. “If they don’t have any, I’m going to kill myself.” 

“You better kill me first.” Steve pulls you back. “Seriously. Have the decency.” 

“Find me some candy and I won’t have to.” 

“Find yourself some candy, loser. I need some painkillers. I’m sick of dealing with you.” 

You push at his arm. He resists the urge to yank you in for a kiss, letting your hand drop to part ways at the top of the aisle. He makes for the back of the store where the in-store pharmacy signs hangs half off of the wall, green glass shattered like coarse sugar grains underfoot. Steve cringes, clearing a path to the desk with the side of his shoe. 

“You okay?” you call from a few feet away, unseen but close enough to be heard clearly. 

“Fine! Signs of candy?” 

“No,” you say dejectedly. He nearly misses it. 

Steve’ll find you some chocolate if it’s the last thing he does, but first, he needs painkillers. His knee aches like he’s been beaten, a funny burning string of pain lining the underside of his leg every other step. Ideally he’d like some codeine, but more realistically he wants advil. He doesn’t know where to start, never does, but if you come over he’ll pretend he understands what things go where. 

He’s lucky. He bends down and finds a bottle of motrin on the floor, looking up to find a shelf teeming with it. “Yes,” he says, ecstatic. Things rarely ever go so obviously his way. “Fucking yes.” 

He shoves as many bottles of tylenol in his various pockets as he can. Then he looks around for anything interesting. He’s sure there’s a ton of things you could benefit from. He’s been wondering about epi-pens and emergency precautions, because god forbid something happen to you he couldn’t correct. Love makes him worry. You’re worrisome, you’re so sad lately, he knows you’re a few days from another burnout. He can’t handle it —he’ll take care of you, but seeing you down for the count hurts every single time. 

He leans heavily on the counter and lets himself think. Absent-minded, he reaches out to spin the intact rungs of a glasses stand, prescription lenses shining against the glare of the sun seeping in from the store’s caved metal roof. “Plus two,” he says to himself, “plus three, what?” He grabs an obscene pair and shoves it up his nose, blinking in surprise at the way his vision blurs. 

He turns the display to the mirrored back and grins. 

“Hey, loser? You okay?” he calls. 

You don’t answer. 

“Babe?” he says sharply. 

“Oh, you’re talking to me?” 

“That’s not funny.” 

You appear at the end of the aisle with an arm full of chips, less blurry the closer you get. “Sorry. Don’t call me loser then. Oh, gosh, what are you wearing?” 

“Gosh,” he mimics with a laugh. “I’ve no idea.” 

His poor attempt at a southern accent makes you laugh too. “Nice glasses, Harrington. I didn’t know you needed them.” Steve crossed his arms in front of him. You drop the chips beside his sleeve and station yourself as he had, a mirror, your smile charmed as you push the glasses up his nose. “You look ridiculous. Here,” —you take a nicer pair from the rack and open the legs— “swap them.” 

He would, but he’s looking at you, and he’s thinking, What?

You move your head away from him instinctively, but ultimately let him hold your face, his thumb on the hill of your chin, fingers curled over your cheek. He can see the little silver scars of a cruel hand around your mouth, and the cut on your cheek from a surprising wooden beam, but what he’s never noticed is the pigmentation under your mouth. The little wrinkles by your eyes. Hell, he’s never realised your eyelashes looked quite like that until now. 

“Hey–” he starts, though you’re already ducking your chin. “Wait–”

“Stop, you’re staring.” 

“Yeah, I’m staring. You always had that freckle?” 

“Long as I can remember.” 

“Wait,” he pleads, trying to grab your chin as you step away. 

“I need chocolate, Steve, I’m not kidding. You can do whatever you want to me if you help me find some.” 

“You will come to love that decision very soon.” 

You giggle like crazy. Steve swaps the less attractive glasses for the ones you’ve recommended and follows you down the aisle to help you look for your sugar fix. He nearly trips over a split can of condensed milk, and you might act like you don’t like him, but you catch him by the arm and allow him to hold on. 

He isn’t great at helping you look, but he finds a couple of bars of cooking chocolate in the baking essentials aisle and decides it’s good enough to head home with. You eat lines of it as you walk, your fingers pressed between Steve’s, a little dab of chocolate he wouldn’t have noticed otherwise in the corner of your lips. 

“You sure you don’t want some?” you ask between bites. 

He’s gonna watch you eat the whole thing. “No thanks. I’m saving room for Robin’s artichoke heart and refried bean combo.” 

“Would you take those off?” Your cheek twitches as you smile. Your eyes glow with affection. “You can barely walk.” 

“You don’t like them?” 

“They really, really suit you, actually. I love them,” you say, to his secret delight. 

“So what’s the problem?” 

He trips over his own feet and has to grab your arm to stop from falling. “That’s the problem,” you say, in love enough to smile even when the world has gone to shit for you a thousand times. Your eyes follow down his nose to his lips. 

Steve grins and ducks forward for a kiss. “Oh, sorry,” he says when the glasses bump your nose. 

You laugh and touch under his chin to help him out. You taste like chocolate still as he kisses against the seam of your lips, a quick but blissfully deep kiss, a handful of seconds where Steve feels like you’re one in the same before he pulls away, just enough to see both of your eyes. 

“What’re you looking at?” you ask. 

“You have chocolate on your nose,” he lies. “Want me to get it?” 

“Yes,” you say bashfully. 

He kisses the tip of your nose, then the corner of your lip. 

#steve zombie!au #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington scenario #steve harrington drabble #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader

[athenamikaelson]

Complaints and Harriet Styles Pt. 2

Klaus Mikaelson x reader

Warnings- strong language, innuendos, mentions of blood and death.

Word count- 2.5k 

 “Would it make me a bad person if I said he was hot?’ I asked Caroline as I sat in front of her vanity mirror as she curled my hair.  

“Y/n,” Caroline frowned at me as she looked at me through the mirror, “he either killed or is trying to kill our friends. He’s a bad guy, so don’t even think about it.” 

“I’m not saying I want to bang the guy or anything,” As I say that the the thought crosses my mind and it’s clear Caroline knows that as well as her frown deepens, “Care don’t get your Barbie hair in a twist. Even though his accent is dreamy and his blue eyes make my knees shake. I’m not going to try anything, obviously.” I say mockingly as Caroline watches me as if she’s somehow aged 100 years since our conversation began. Which you know isn’t possible because she’s literally immortal. 

“Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you. You’re either arguing with someone or hitting on them. Or even both!” She says as she throws her hands up in emphasis, the curler unplugging itself during her action. 

We both sit there in silence for a moment looking at the curler’s wire. I look up at her with a sly smile, “Does this mean we’re finally done? My ass hurts from sitting here and being your personal doll.” Caroline puts her hand on her hip with a displeased look on her face. 

“I haven’t finished curling the other half of your head, so turn around and shut it. And didn’t you just say I was the Barbie doll?” She says matter-of-factly as she replugs in the curler and waits for it to heat back up. 

“Ok well you are a Barbie doll, I’m more like that doll that Angelica had in Rugrats, y’know the one with fucked up hair and looks like she just got thrown into a blender.” I laugh at my own joke as Caroline rolls her eyes, a smile trying to make its way onto her face. 

I glance at my dark eyeshadow that makes my y/e/c eyes bright. 

“Why do I even have to go to this stupid dance, our school has like 14 a year. How does our town even have the budget for that? And why do we have to do weird decade dances?” 

“Y/N you’re going to homecoming, end of story. It’s our senior year. This past year has been so crazy that we deserve a little normalcy.” She says as she finishes my last section of hair. 

“Normalcy? You do realize that every dance we’ve had since last year has ended with someone dead or impaled right? It isn’t a Mystic Falls high school dance if it doesn’t end in blood!” Caroline just watches me in annoyance as she sprays my hair with hairspray, “accidentally” spraying some into my face.

“Bitch!” I cough out.

“Go get dressed!” She uses her strength to lift me up and push me over to her closet where my y/f/c dress is hanging.

I look over my shoulder, “I hate you.” 

Caroline smiles, “Love you too brat.”

-------------

I listen to the live band as I sip on the disgusting drink in my hand. Caroline who was supposed to chaperone tonight left me to go yell at Tyler for his wolfy crush or whatever on Klaus. I’m seriously debating on just walking myself home, since Caroline was my ride, as I watch on in disgust as teenagers grind against each other to the fast song the band is playing in the backyard of Tyler’s house. Somehow Tyler was able to put together a huge party since the gym was flooded last minute. Caroline didn’t seem suspicious but I on the other hand always think the worst is going to happen at any time, and with my friend group's history with dances I wouldn’t be surprised if something was going to go down tonight. I'm about to grab my bag and leave before shit goes down when I hear a British accent come from behind me. 

“Welcome everyone tonight,” I turn around, and low and behold that British fuck from Senior prank night is standing up on the stage in front of all of us, yapping about something. 

“This is a long time coming,” He says as he watches someone from the crowd with a smirk on his face. I follow his eye line to see Stefan staring back at him. Yikes. I look back to the Brit but find his eyes staring in my direction. I don’t think he’s looking at me until I send a look of disgust at him which makes the smirk on his face deepen. Fuck me. Wait. No. I quickly turn around and start to make my way to the edge of the party hoping to make my escape before I get sucked into whatever bullshit the Scooby gang is going to try to drag me into. I smile to myself as I’m about to be successful in my escape as my vision is blocked by something. Said something bumps me backwards throwing me off balance and I wait to hit the ground as I start falling, but nothing comes. I look up to see Klaus grabbing ahold of the top of my arm, keeping me from falling down.  

“What a fucking cliche,” I say to myself angrily. Klaus looks at me inquisitively. 

“What’s a cliche?” He asks me with that stupidly hot accent as I rip my arm away from his hold and put another foot's distance between us.

“You catching me,” I tell him but he only looks confused, “Y’know in romcoms when the girl trips and falls but doesn’t actually fall because the random hot main guy catches her. It’s a big fucking cliche.” I say huffing as Klaus watches me with that stupid fucking smirk on his face.

“And I’m the main hot guy?” He asks, clearly trying to get me to go along with his current ego trip.

“No, you’re not. Ryan Gosling is the hot main guy or Paul Rudd,” I let out a satisfactory sigh at Paul Rudd, “You’re more of the evil boos villain in video games.” 

“And what’s so wrong with being the villain?” He asks me as he takes a step towards me. 

I look at him with what I can only guess looks like a “are you fucking kidding me” look. 

“Literally everything. That’s literally the whole point of being the villain.” I put my hand out stopping him from stepping closer. Klaus watches me closely for a second too long. His gaze makes me quite uncomfortable because I can’t tell if he wants to kill me for speaking to him like I just did or applaud me for having the balls to. God, sometimes I just need to learn to shut the fuck up. 

“Dance with me.” He states as he puts his hand out waiting for me to give him my hand in return. My gaze goes from his face to his hand multiple times before I shake my head in annoyance. 

“No way dude,” I say as I start to book it back towards the house away from him. I don’t get far though because he’s in front of me again with a determined look on his stupidly hot face. God why does it always have to be the bad guys that are hot? 

“Either you dance with me, or I start killing your friends off one by one. I wonder where that blond friend of yours is, Tyler’s little girlfriend.” He says with a dark glint in his eyes. 

“Why?” I try to hold my ground even though I’m pretty sure I’m about to start pissing myself any second now. 

“Why what?” he asks me as he watches me.

“Why do you want to dance with me? Theirs like 200 other girls here that I’m sure would just jump at the chance to dance with some British guy.”

Klaus just shrugs his shoulder as if he himself doesn’t even have an answer to the question. 

“Because none of them have had the displeasure of catching my eye.” 

“And let me guess, I have?” I ask him. He doesn’t give me an answer though, only reaches out his hand once again waiting for me to take it. Annoyed I slap my hand in his and drag him to the dance floor. Once I push us into the middle of a big group, I turn to him.

“Don’t be pissy if I step on your toes.” Klaus just lets out a huff of a laugh as he drags my body closer to him so my chest is touching his. A shudder goes through my body at the contact and I mentally curse myself for the reaction. Fuck he smells good. Jesus Y/N get a grip, he’s just a guy. A thousand-year-old hot guy, but still just a guy. I look up to find Klaus already staring at me, with a knowing smirk on his face. I just roll my eyes as I try to play it off cool as he sways me to the now slow song.

“So tell me, how did you become friends with my doppelganger and her little group of followers?” A weird feeling of sadness flows through me at his question as I realize he only asked me to dance for information on my friends. 

“We grew up together. Small town like this everyone knows each other, sadly.” I say looking off to the distance and watching the other couples converse lovingly with one another. 

“Why sadly?” He asks me, and for a second I could’ve sworn I heard actual curiosity. I glance back at him and shrug. 

“I just hate this town. I never liked people knowing my business, and everyone here is so complacent with their normal lives. They never question anything or want to know more about anything other than what happens in our weird ass town.” I blush as I realize I just rambled on to a complete psycho about my feelings. But, the look on Klaus’s face isn’t one of annoyance or humor like the other people I’ve vented to usually have on their faces. His face turns from contemplation to understanding. 

“I know what you mean,” He says as he expertly twirls me around, “when I was a boy I grew up in a small village where the wasn’t much chance for prospering. I loved the arts and knew I would never be able to do anything with it. It made me angry. So I can understand your resentment.” He tells me and for a second I forget that he’s the blood-thirsty monster ruining my friend’s lives. 

“You like art?” He looks down at me with a soft smile as if the subject brings out a different side of him. 

“I’ve loved it for over a thousand years. The way emotions can be shown through a canvas and bring out emotion so foreign is unlike anything else I found over a millennium of living,” His eyes trail down to mine, “What do you think?” 

I nod softly in agreement, “I love art. Not really painting because I’m kind of shit at it, but sketching and just looking at art. Although I’m not a fan of this new-age art where someone can splash a canvas with a line of color and sell it for a million dollars. I like art that means something to someone. Art that when you look at it you can feel the emotions that the artist was feeling, every move of the brush stroke made with heart and emotion.” Klaus nods along to my rambling again with a soft look on his face. A look that I can’t quite decipher since it’s on the face of one of the scariest men in the world. 

As the song comes to an end I reluctantly let go of Klaus’s hands. He stares at me for a moment and I think he’s just going to turn around and walk off realizing he didn’t get the information he wanted but then a small laugh escapes his lips and he shakes his head. I watch on in slight confusion wondering if he’s having some kind of stroke or something. 

“You’re not like them you know,” he must notice my confusion because he continues, “like your friends. You’re nothing like them.” I pang of hurt pierces my chest as I turn away and start to walk off, “Well screw you too.” 

“I didn’t mean that as an insult,” He says hastily as he grabs my arm turning me back towards him, “You’re friends they’re small-minded. They think of only themselves and not the world around them, or how amazing it can be.” I go to interrupt him and tell him not to insult my friends but he cuts me off. 

“You need something bigger than this little town. Something that brings you life. When I originally saw you that night in the gym I thought you were just going to be like the rest of them. But you surprised me Y/n, and not many people can say that.” 

I just stare at him in amazement for what seems like forever as I try to piece together everything he just told me. In my stupor though a woman approaches Klaus and whispers something to him which makes his originally light demeanor change to something dark. The woman walks away as Klaus looks at me once more.

“Whenever you decide you want to be a part of something bigger, see something other than this little town I’d be happy to show you. All you need to do is ask.” He tells me as he grabs my hand and places a chaste kiss upon it. I still can't get the balls to say anything as he gives me one last glance before he follows behind the woman. 

What the actual fuck.

-------------

I walked up to my front porch after getting dropped off by Matt because I guess Tyler drugged Caroline with vervain to save her from a pack of mind-controlled hybrids so that’s why she couldn’t bring me home. Sometimes I really hate my friend group. Why can’t for once we deal with normal people's problems like pop quizzes or acne? Like why does not one person in that entire group have a pimple on their skin? That’s the most supernatural thing going on here.

I’m about to open my front door when a small envelope catches my eye at the bottom of my feet. I look over my shoulder and only see Matt as he waits for me to enter my house. I wave to him with the envelope in hand and walk inside my house. I hastily open the envelope and pull out a piece of thick canvas paper. The paper is covered with a beautiful sketch of what appears to be an open field covered in flowers with grazing horses in the distance. Being so engrossed in the sketch I didn't notice the small note on the back. 

“There’s a whole world out there just waiting for you to experience, love. When you’re ready to experience it, I’ll be waiting.” – Klaus

Taglist-

@grac3aph3lion @megmcc2003 @kollover24 @nameunknownsthings

#author #athenamikaelson #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaleson imagine #stefan x elena #the originals #the vampire diaries #thecwshows #elena gilbert #elijah mikaelson #klaus x reader #tvd klaus #bonnie bennett #tvd fanfiction #tvdversegifs #tvd x reader #thevampirediaries #the vampire diares imagine

[starogeorgina]

𝐑𝐮𝐧

Paring: Joel Miller × reader

Warnings: Swearing, smut, violence, age gap

Chapter: 1.01

You push the door to the bedroom where Joel was sleeping as quietly as you could, being careful not to startle him. Except Joel was still awake, sitting in the darkness on the edge of his bed, staring outside, watching the snow fall. You’d overhear Joel and Ellie arguing, ending with Joel saying some pretty harsh things to the younger girl. You cared for Ellie like an older sibling, and usually you would have ripped anyone to shreds for speaking to her that way, but you knew Joel would be regretting his words already.

“If you’ve come to-”

You cut Joel off before he had the chance to finish his sentence. “I’m not coming to cuss you out; I just wanted to see how you’re holding up.”

You could tell Joel was struggling after reuniting with her brother, Tommy; it also didn’t help that his new sister-in-law Maria, wasn’t a big fan of him.

You’re met with a frown when Joel turns back to look at you. Feeling self-conscious, you fold your arms. “What, why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look cold.”

“I’m fine,” you shrug. Since arriving at the community Maria brought you to, you have been provided food, clean clothing, and a house, which you are extremely grateful for. After showering, you changed into a pair of soft plaid shorts and a matching shirt. “I’m always warm.”

Joel shakes his head, not believing you, and says, “It’s freezing outside; there’s no way you can be warm.”

You sit down on the opposite side of the bed he’s sitting on, to which he says nothing. When you first met Joel, he hardly even acknowledged your presence, but some time between watching Henry kill himself and the three months it took you to travel to Wyoming, something changed. You'd become a lot more familiar with each other. He protected you and Ellie over everything else.

A comfortable silence passes until you lay back on the bed, and a small chuckle escapes Joel’s lips as he moves to lay down beside you. “Is this your subtle way of telling me to sleep on the couch or on the floor?”

“No,” you snort. “I will be sleeping—well, I will try to sleep beside Ellie, but I give it ten minutes before she starts moaning that I’m too warm, then I’ll end up on the floor.”

“You seriously can’t be…holy shit,” he says, placing his hand on your arm. “You’re like a furnace. I thought you were always giving Ellie extra clothing to be nice. I know to keep you near the cold.”

“So, where are we going next?”

“I thought you heard what I told Ellie.”

“I did,” you say, moving your head and resting it on his shoulder, “but I know you didn’t really mean it. Did you tell Tommy about her immunity?”

“Yes.”

Your jaw clenched. The fuck did he do that for? Keeping that secret was one of the only things that kept Ellie. “Fuck, if he tells Maria…”

“Hey, hey,” Joel says, feeling you tense beside him. He turns on his side so he’s facing you as he cups your face. “I promise you, my brother won’t say a thing. I told him so he could keep her safe.”

“And what about me? What poor soul have you decided to pawn me off on?”

He smiles and says, “Honestly, I’d choose myself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.”

You feign offense, and Joel wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you in closer. He sighs. “I’ve grown accustomed to your company, but I know you won’t leave Ellie.”

Neither will you. If you had any money, you’d place a bet on Joel still leaving in the morning with you to help take Ellie to the Fireflies, but you keep this thought to yourself.

“I think I’m going to call it a night; I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You can sleep in this bed if you want,” Joel offers. “I won’t moan that you’re warm.”

“Okay,” you shrug.

It doesn’t take you long to get comfortable and start to drift off, but it doesn’t take you long to stir when you feel hot breath on the back of your neck. It felt nice having someone so close. Joel was rubbing circles on your thigh with his thumb.

You tilt your head back to look up at him and say, “Can't you sleep?”

“No.”

A feeling you can’t describe overcomes you, and you peck Joel on the lips.

“What was that for?”

“Thank you for always saving us.”

“Oh.”

You expect Joel to roll his eyes or tell you to go back to sleep, but he kisses you. Not a sweet peck; a real kiss on the lips.

A few seconds pass, then your lips clash together. The kiss quickly becomes more heated as Joel rolls on top of you. All the pent-up wants and needs come spilling out at once. The hand resting on your thigh slowly creeps up your stomach and rests right below your breast.

Your hand threads through his hair. Playfully nipping at his bottom lip before nodding and giving him the go-ahead to go further. His free hand rubs at your warm core over your shorts; he does this while squeezing your breast and peppering your neck in kisses.

“Oh fuck,” you moan before clasping a hand over your mouth.

“How long has it been?” He whispers.

“A while,” you blush.

“Okay,” he says, kissing you gently on the lips. “We’ll start off slow, and if you want to stop, we can.”

He takes your hand and guides it so you’re holding your shorts to the side, giving him access to your pussy. He spits on his fingers, then teases you by rubbing slow circles on your clit. Joel lets go of your breast and covers your mouth, saying, “You can’t make any loud noises.”

You nod.

He smirks while sliding a finger into you. “You’re so wet; do you think you could take another?”

You nod again. And do your best not to cry out when Joel scissors his fingers inside you while tapping his thumb against your clit, making you tighten around his digits. “Please, please, I want more.”

Not needing to be told twice, Joel withdraws his fingers, pulls down his pajama bottoms, and rubs the wetness on his hand along his hard cock. “What the lady wants,” he says, amused. He runs his cock over your slit, wetting it some more before placing the tip at your entrance. “Are you sure?”

He gives you an out, but you choose not to take it. He lowers his hand from your mouth so you can say, “Fuck, yes.”

“Atta girl,” he says, covering your mouth again, which surprisingly turns you on. “Sorry, baby, but I know you won’t stay quiet.”

He was right; when Joel thrusts inside you, moans spill from your lips. He replaces his hand with his mouth. You spend the next few hours having the most loving yet pleasurable sex of your life.

—

“It’s been a while since I had a woman sneak out on me.”

You get a fright and jump upon hearing Joel’s voice suddenly coming from the other side of the stable. You face him with a smile on your face. “I didn’t sneak out; I was just careful not to wake you.”

He leans against one of the wooden posts and says, “You look different. Your hair is different.”

“Maria cut it this morning.” Having hair that was easily maintained seemed more practical. You clear your throat. “So how long do you think it will take us to find the fireflies?”

“A four to five... How did you know I’d change my mind?”

You just smile while continuing to feed the beautiful horse in front of you an apple, while the other horse grazes on some hay.

Joel licks at his lips. “So last night was...”

“Unexpected,” you chuckle. “It was good; do you think we need to talk about it?”

“Well, that depends." He pauses briefly before continuing. “If it was just fun or if it meant something more, I care for you, but if you want to keep it casual or make it more serious, I’ll follow your lead.”

Hearing him say that was surprising, but the man had been hurt so many times that you could understand why he didn’t want to mess around. Spotting Ellie walking into the stable with Tommy, you don’t get a real chance to answer Joel without changing the subject. “Morning sunshine, sleep well?”

Ellie looks between you and Joel and says, “You both look like shit.”

Joel gives Ellie the choice of wanting to travel with his brother or him; of course, she chooses Joel. As you get ready to leave, you place your hand on Joel’s back and whisper, “Whatever this is, she can’t know anything about it.”

“Agreed.”

—

“Joel, Joel..." you gasp, with tears in your eyes. He and Ellie hadn’t noticed you were no longer running beside them.

It has taken you five days on horseback from Jackson to finally arrive at the University of Eastern Colorado to find no flies; they had either all died or moved on. Joel found a map that was pointing towards St. Mary's Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. But before you could try and scavenge the place for supplies, a group of raiders appeared, and all hell broke loose.

You’d tried to sneak out the back of the building, but one of the raiders grabbed your arm and was now holding a knife at your throat. The man’s blade nicks the side of your neck, causing the smallest amount of blood to spill from the nearly invisible cut, but before he can hurt you again, Joel tackles the man to the ground then snaps his neck.

You hold Ellie close and feel her shaking against you. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“Joel!” She screams when more raiders start running in your direction. “Fuck! What do we do?”

“Get on the horse, now!”

When Ellie mounts the smaller horse, you turn to face Joel, who is pulling a knife from his stomach. He got stabbed, saving you. “Fuck!” You help him climb up onto the large horse, then sit behind him on it and say, “Don't you dare die; Ellie needs you; I need you!”

#the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller #joel miller x f!reader #Joel Miller​/reader #joel miller/you #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #the last of us x reader #the last of us smut #the last of us x you #run #joel the last of us

[arc-misadventures]

Rin FMK Nora, Jeanne, Jaune

Rin: FMK

Rin: Okay… Well this is a relatively easy decision…

Jaune: It is? I thought since it involves the three of us it would be a hard choice.

Jeanne: I mean, we’re going against, Nora so obviously she’s going to marry her. So, one of us is going to be killed.

Jaune: Still, I don’t want to, ‘die.’ Makes me feel worthless… Well more worthless than I already am…

Jeanne: Oh, don’t worry, Jaune. Its, Rin, uou know she wouldn’t do anything mean to you.

Jaune: Yes, but I am irrationally paranoid.

Jeanne: Why did so many people hurt you?

Jaune: Shits, and giggles…?

Rin: Okay… S-Shall we get going?

Nora: Yeah, lets get this going on to more happier grounds

Jaune: Right, sorry for making this such a downer.

Jeanne: Were sorry, Rin!

Rin: It’s okay, you guys have been going through a lot. Okay! So: Kill, Nora.

Nora: Cool.

Jaune: Wait, seriously?!

Jeanne: Why?

Rin: W-Well… Nora, and I have already done before so…

Jaune: Wait, what?!

Jeanne: You two have done it?!

Nora: Oh yeah! We got drunk on accident a few years ago. Then we got a bit handsy~!

Jeanne: You did what?!

Rin: The sake we had that day was pretty… strong.

Nora: So anyway we went at it, and then we woke up in each others arm.

Rin: Which is pretty normal actually.

Jaune: And, pretty comfortable.

Jeanne: Wait?! You slept with, Nora?!

Jaune: No, but I have had, Nora crawled in my bed while I was sleeping. It was very nice; so warm, and comforting.

Jeanne: Naww, I wanna do that…

Nora: Just you wait then~!

Rin: Just hope it doesn’t end up like us. Since we were naked…

Nora: That was such a lovely sight to wake up to~!

Jeanne: So you’re going to, ‘Kill,’ Nora because you’ve already done it?

Rin: Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Jaune: Wow, they’re completely different than my, Ren, and Nora.

Jeanne: How’s that?

Jaune: Nora pines for, Ren hard, and Ren just doesn’t see it.

Jeanne: Ouch.

Nora: So! Who are you gonna do the do with~?

Rin: Oh, I want to sleep with, Jeanne.

Jeanne: Y-Y-You what?!

Rin: What? What’s wrong?

Jeanne: I-I-I just didn’t think you wanted to… d-do that with me?!

Rin: Hey, I’ve had dreams of being… intimate with you.

Jeanne: You’ve dreamed about us doing it?!

Nora: Don’t worry! Her dreams weren’t as bad as the ones the guys have about you! But, so juicy~?!

Jeanne: What are they dreaming about?!

Jaune: I don’t think you want to now…

Rin: You don’t.

Nora: But, the bunny suit!

JJ: The what?

Rin: Shh!

Nora: Naww…

Rin: So, I mostly want to do it because I’m curious.

Jeanne: What about…?

Rin: Well, haven’t you ever looked at someone that just makes you wonder; what if we dated, if we kiss, what if we… did it?

Jeanne: A few times…

Rin: So yeah, that’s why I would… ‘Fuck’ you.

Jeanne: Oh… okay. That sounds nice…

Nora: Plus you get bragging rights on banging the, Angel~!

RJ: NORA?!

Jaune: Okay… Well, this is probably how, Pyrrha feels…

Rin: So, I would… M-Marry, Jaune…

Nora: But, why…?

Jeanne: Yeah, why?

Rin: I just think he’s handsome, rugged, and nice. I feel safe, and protected around him. And, I wouldn’t mind being his darling little wife, with our little, but growing family~! It just sounds so nice when I think about it~!

Nora: that does sound nice~!

Jeanne: I would love that to happen in my life~!

Jaune: …

Jaune: To be honest, if I had, Rin in my world. I would totally marry her if I could.

Rin: R-Really?!

Jaune: Your beautiful, cute. So caring, and kind. Honestly I would be a very happy man if I had you in my life.

Rin: Aww… Thanks, Jaune~!

Jaune: Also, because I know that look, I would marry, Nora if I could.

Nora: Yes! Co-Wives!

Rin: Nora that’s…?! Actually, that sounds nice… Really nice.

Jeanne: Awww… If it wasn’t for the fact I would be dating myself, I would want to marry, Jaune too…

Jaune: You would what?!

#rwby #jaune arc #lie ren #nora valkyrie #fem jaune #jaune x nora #nora x jaune #jaune x ren #ren x jaune #rwby nora’s arc #rwby martial arcs #pyrrha nikos

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP memes from Reddit 10/17/2023

“I doubt you can potty train a duck.” “It appeals the male fantasy.” “I never understood why people consider male ballerina effeminate. They are highly athletic, coordinated, and surrounded by women. If anything that makes it more stereotypically masculine.” “Pick an obscure programming language, write lots of important code, and don’t comment or document anything.” “Impostor syndrome nothing, dude, you are the real deal.” “I’m trying to figure out how many is too many.” “Each one of these ladies could crush my head between their legs.” “If you're having trouble learning to like yourself, first learn to tolerate yourself.” "Maybe it's not a caring issue. Maybe it's a boundary issue." “Feel your feelings! Get the chart and get words for how you actually feel and write it down. Ok and tired are not feelings.” “Morbid curiosity keeps me going.” “I’ve always said if zombies exist I’ll kill myself. Like no I’m not gonna get eaten alive or see my family and friends gored to death.” “Seriously, so tired of all of this "I'd be king of the zombie apocalypse" bullshit, no, you wouldn't be king, you'd be delicious.” “I want the first nuke to hit me in the face. I don’t feel like having neighborhood wars over a can of green beans.” “She may be a little crazy but crazy is fucking hot.” “Nothing fuels all night gaming like a half pound of sugar and half gallon of pure military grade red 40.” “Is this the "macrodosing" I've been hearing about?” “This could absolutely destroy someone’s psyche.” “American culture has integrated to our minds now we even use their phrases even if it's not relevant to us, thanks Obama.” “I mean if I can have a friend plop that bitch into a block of epoxy and lock it down in a museum in mongolia or some shit it might be fine.” “That's bought me a little breathing room.” “I am trapped on the one planet in the entire universe where I can actually die, and I have no intention of staying there.” “So that's the way the universe ends. With nothing in it except for infrared heat, one hyperintelligent snail suspended in an inky void, and one human screaming away from it at .99C.” “When did you become immortal?” “I have witnessed the first breath of life in many galaxies and have watched the evolutionary process on planets similar to earth.” “If a planet eventually died, I would mourn them and the potential they had.” “I've searched but there really is no other life.” “I have never found another like me.” “This really was the last inhabitable planet.” “I gave them everything.” “Is it some alien snail as big as a car?” “This guy is definitely building a kill dozer in his warehouse.” “No one should be forced to fight in a war for a country that doesn’t give a shit about them.” “You see that too, right?” “Fight or flight, bro, what’s the move?” “My dogs are legit traumatized.”

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp starters #roleplay starters #reddit

[sarahnotjmaas]

Kingdom of Ash

Struggling to get into this one

Awww Rowan and aelins babies

This book feels like all my sweet babies are grown up 😭

Omfg is Yrene pregnant?? Is this the book they all have babies? Idk if I’m gonna like that

Dorian is gonna learn how to shift!! Wait last fall? This all happened so fast! 8 books of drama in like two years?? Jesus

I’m 100 pages in and needing more!! The last two books ended with so much action to be had it feels like nothing is happening!

Okay Manon is looking for a way to connect with the Cochran and her great grandma literally told her ‘we got our fire cuz Brannon GALATHYNIYS gave it to our queen your great great great great great grandma’ and you’re literally allied with Aelin Galathynius….. I read that and said ‘whoop there it is’

Yay Aelin is back!! Taking her scars is FUCCKKKED

I have been slacking on note taking but I’m like 400 pages in now and Aelin and Yrene finally met!!!!! I’m so ready for Aelin to start kicking ass again!

Oh and I hope Lysandra is okay….

So many story lines finally coming together!

Queen of witches🥹

Okay I’m getting sick of Aelin not using her power!! People are DYING Aelin! Get it together miss ma’am

When is it gonna be revealed that Elide had dope powers? I know it’s gonna happen

Okay Elide your man just got cut down, now would be the time to be a powerful badass

What a stupid reason for Aelin to not be using her powers. You’re literally at war lol

Manon and Dorian always get me!!! Ugh she loves him and just wants him to stay and not sacrifice himself!! Me toooooo!!

Forget any bad thing I’ve ever said about Elide and Lorcan, they’re precious 😭😭😭

Why doesn’t Yrene use the tower to cure all the valg

Don’t ask me why I go over huge plot points and don’t feel the need to document my emotions but Lorcan gives Elide a foot rub and I’m 😯🤭📝✍️ But seriously me too girl, a man giving you a foot rub is sensual as hell iykyk lol

The way that could’ve been so hot and SJM just blue balls the shit out of the reader. It’s fine I’m fine. She just got my heart racing just to go into one of Aelin’s fucked up nightmares 👍🏻 cool cool cool

Aelin and Dorian have all 3 word keys…

No one has died yet and I don’t want anyone to!!! I’m so scared I have 250 pages left, I know what feelings are coming for me I just don’t know why yet wait did Dorian learn how to use portals from Maeve!?!? Could he transport the army. My boy is the most powerful mf in the books

Not Abraxos. Bitch I’ll throw this book out the window. PETRAH!!!!! Bitch that was So badass fuck Iskra

Wtf!!!!! The entire 13!?!? No I fucking can’t wtf!!! Seriously what the fuck

Waaaahh😭Dorian and Chaol

They’re not wasting time on a vote… really?

I’m hyperventilating reading this unfold. Please don’t kill Dorian or Aelin for this stupid gate

‘My name is Aelin Ashryver Galathynius and I will not be afraid’ WAAAAAAHH 😭

The king saving Dorian and telling Aelin her parents are proud 🥲 I’m not ok

Snow capped mountains under shining stars. Where A winged Fae male stood beside a heavily pregnant female, gazing at those very stars. 👀👀👀👀

Wow Rhys saved her

Chapter 100 wow I’m so proud of myself

So quick recap: Stones are gone no longer in play and gate is shut meaning erawan can’t ever return to his brothers of bring them to him. BUT he and maeve are still strong scary muthafuckas who have like 100k soldiers a bunch of witches and 6 spider fuckers cool 👍🏻

Oh no Murtaugh

It’s about time Lysandra and Aedion! You’ve literally lived eachother for like 4 books now

Aelin has missed her entire war. It’s literally her war on her land and she’s been absent for like all of it.. I’m glad she saved Anielle but her own home needed her weeks ago

Darrow naming Evangeline his heir got me all teary eyed and shit

Omfg Gavriel!!!! No no no why do I even read SJM books they just hurt me

All the battle scenes are so bleak, they’re getting smeared in this war!! I don’t see how they’re going to pull through tbh I’m waiting for a big Aelin scheme but idk if I can take another 100+ pages of them getting they butts whooped

Ugh ‘And she will not be afraid’ that’s gonna stick with me forever

I’m so close! They did it! Chaols reading a letter from his mom and his wife literally saved the world 😭

I’m unwell.

#i did it #sarah j maas #celaena sardothien #throne of glass #sjm #heir of fire #aelin galythinius #dorian havilliard #chaol westfall #rowan whitethorn #sjm books #yrene westfall #erawan #Maeve #kingdom of ash #abraxos #manorian #manon blackbeak #manon crochan

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Kanato Ecstasy [07]

ー The scene starts in the Big Hall at Eden

*Creaaaak*

Reiji: ...Haah.

Ruki: You look pretty worn out, Sakamaki Reiji. 

Reiji: What would you expect? We just had a meeting with various different Demonic species. 

Ruki: However, now we’re all on the same page. We can finally put our plan into action. 

Reiji: Lifelong imprisonment... have to say, as his older brother, I do feel somewhat conflicted by the sentence we mutually decided on. 

Ruki: Well, I can imagine.

The boundless darkness at the very pit of the Demon World, often referred to ‘Purgatory’... 

We will lock Sakamaki Kanato down there so the Demon World can return to its normal state.

...Seems like now we have to figure out how we will create an opportunity to get in touch with him...

ー The scene shifts to the flower fields

Ayato: ...

ー Laito walks up to his brother

Laito: Hey there, Ayato-kun~! What a coincidence meeting you here.

Ayato: Keh...Laito?

Laito: Oh come on. No need to react like that

I’m quite tired myself after having to sit through that meeting which I could care less about. 

How do you feel about sentencing Kanato-kun to lifelong imprisonment? 

Ayato: ...

...I don’t really know.

It’s not up to me to decide whether it’s the right decision or if it’s goin’ too far. 

Still, even I can tell that he fucked up big time.

So I’m just gonna roll with what was decided on. 

Laito: Hmー ...I see. 

I guess destroying the World is surprisingly difficult. 

Ayato: ...Try takin’ it a big more seriously, ‘kay?

If we let that guy run rampant, our lives could be at risk too, you know?

Laito: Nfu~ I didn’t think there would be a day where you’d tell me to be more serious, Ayato-kun. 

I mean, isn’t death considered a joyous event to us Vampires? So what exactly are you afraid of? 

Ayato: ...I mean, you’re not wrong but...

Laito: The Demon World has really been turned upside down because of human thought being brought over...

If you’d ask me, I’d say that those immortals who deliberately choose to live forever are even more out of their mind than Kanato-kun is.

Ayato: ...I mean, it’s not like I’m against dyin’. 

It’s the thought of bein’ killed by that guy which doesn’t sit right with me. 

Laito: Ahー ...I get that. I guess I’d rather meet my end at the hands of a cute lady as well~

Ayato: You’re as creepy as ever...

Laito: Well, I guess both of us have no other choice but to do what we can. Now that things have escalated to this point. 

Ayato: ...Exactly.

ー The scene shifts to the Ghoul’s house

Kanato: Hey...Why aren’t you saying anything? 

I’m sure that my proposal of going to Eden doesn’t sound bad for you either, right?

Yui: It doesn’t, but...

???: Why not?

Yui: ...Kino-kun!? 

Kino: It’s no issue for you, right? And Kanato seems pretty thrilled to go.

Yui: But...

Kino: I mean, if you’re worried about something happening on the way there, I wouldn’t mind pulling some strings to ensure that you get there safely?

Yui: Kino-kun...Why are you saying this...?

There’s no way you’re unaware of the fact that the opposing forces are at Eden, right? 

Kanato: That settles it then. 

We’ll leave tomorrow and head for Eden. Please get ready tonight. 

Yui: Eh...?

Kanato: I’ll be in the kitchen to fetch my snacks.

ー Kanato leaves

Yui: K-Kanato-kun...

Kino: Fufu, isn’t that nice? Seems like you figured out where to go next.

Yui: What do you mean?

Kino: I mean, if you were to remain here, this place would eventually turn into a battlefield, right?

That’d be kinda troublesome. This place is my homeland after all. 

Yui: ...

Kino: Besides, those guys were going to come for you eventually, so wouldn’t you say that it’d be in your best interest to strike first?

Yui: ...But. 

Shouldn’t I talk with Kanato-kun about it beforehand...?

Right now, it’s almost like I’m deceiving him...

Kino: I mean, if you think that he’s really that short-tempered, it’d be quite easy to add fuel to the fire.

Yui: I guess it’s true that Kanato-kun isn’t that kind of guy...

Selection

→ It just doesn’t sit right with me

Yui: It just doesn’t sit right with me. 

I can’t imagine going to Eden with Kanato-kun in this situation...

→ It’s for Kanato-kun’s sake (❦)

Yui: It’s for Kanato-kun’s sake. I just have to accept it...

I mean, he’s the one who’s saying he wants to go to Eden. 

Yui: Still, I can’t tell him about what’s going on over there...

What should I do? 

Monologue

With Kino-kun sharing his advice (通言) as well,

it was decided that Kanato-kun and I,

would head towards Eden. 

Still...I cannot help but wonder,

if this is for the best? 

Kanato-kun will cheerfully talk to me,

still completely ignorant. 

But when he says how he’s looking forward to tomorrow,

with a smile (笑顔) on his face,

my heart only aches in return.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #kanato sakamaki #lost eden #diabolik lovers translation #lekanatoecstasy7

[hiccupbutpurple]

Mental disorders/conditions (whatever you wanna call it) are an explanation not an excuse

I saw a thing on Instagram today and I already having a bad day and it pissed me off so I’m talking about it to let go. Probs won’t explain it very well but I don’t care. I can’t fucking stand it when people seem to think that someone struggling with a mental disorder automatically absolves them of any responsibility. Because it doesn’t. It is a valid and understandable explanation. It doesn’t mean there’s no impact. It doesn’t mean that the person they hurt can’t be fucking hurt. It doesn’t mean someone is evil for looking after themselves.

Don’t be an asshole, don’t antagonise people just because they have a mental illness, but if someone is hurting you, you can be hurt. If you are in a situation that is dangerous, it doesn’t matter if that person has a ‘valid reason’ to treat you like shit. They don’t. You are allowed to put yourself first. You are allowed to leave. (And I don’t mean just in romantic relationships because people seem to forget other types of relationships exist.) You are allowed to be fucking upset and angry about it.

Giving some context (not really it’s just a vent without much info tbh) below but that’s the main part.

This is the self indulgent vent part but as a kid for probably around 6 years I got treated like shit because of someone who hurt as a result of their mental illness. I’ve now found out that he has a pretty serious disorder which is a very hard and awful thing to for someone to have to live with and I’m sorry he has too. However, he is probably one of the main reasons I have the problems I do. He not solely the reason, but I know I wouldn’t struggle the way I do without him. It took 6 fucking years (while trying to work out what the hell is wrong with my own self, my sexuality, all the other standard teenage stuff and my own home life) to fully stop communication with him and stop feeling responsible.

And it’s been years but I’m still constantly effected by him. I mean for fuck sake I have to deal with fears of him coming to kill me (I know realistically he wouldn’t but the fear is there). All the little ways too, like how he comes up in my thoughts randomly and suddenly I can’t stop (like now) or how apathetic I feel, especially when suicide comes up. Like that word is mentioned and suddenly I no longer care about anyone or anything and I hate that I don’t care, I care when it comes to fucking characters but if a real human being says they are suicidal suddenly my brain just goes ‘nope’ and it’s either anger or numbness and that’s not fair to anyone.

Honestly it’s smaller things that annoys me even more than the big things. The stuff that just bleeds into everyday things, it affects all my relationships and my life overall. I went through so fucking much because I was scared to hurt someone else, that I ended up hurting myself and tbh others as well. Cause guess what, my own issues that came about mostly as a result of that have made me act in ways that hurt others! Thankfully all my friends are in similar boats and it did make us able to have healthier relationships with each other and learn to set boundaries. So there are some positives.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg but now I’m getting tired again but I seriously hate it when people go ‘you can’t criticise someone with a mental illness’ or ‘you can’t blame them cause they have a disorder.’ I think the majority of people know this but sometimes I see stuff that just pisses me off.

#it doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge their struggles too #but if someone is hurting you you can protect yourself #that doesn’t make you a bad person no matter how you might feel #because trust me these things continue on #I will stand by this for as long as I’m alive #probably #vent #mental health #self harm #suicide #emotional abuse #now that that’s done I can finally study #hopefully

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Good grief, what the hell was I thinking??

There I was shopping and this guy I’m friendly with at Walmart comes up and asks if I can tale a pot belly pig.

Now I DID tell him I have more than enough animals. But then he starts telling me how a woman he knows might be moving to another state, and can’t take her pet pig. She doesn’t know where to find a home for it, and he knows I have a pet pig and a ton of other beasties, so one more shouldn’t be a problem…

I actually felt guilty for saying no! Me, who sometimes skips on food for me to feed the menagerie I already have!

So I say, well, the pig would have to move in with Ryoga and that might not go at all well. I mean, sure, I’ve always wished he had company, but for a full grown hog with tusks to have a much smaller pot belly pig move in might be dangerous. Ryoga has NEVER had to share anything but my attention. He’s had his own house, his own food, and when I’ve been by his lot he gets 100% of the petting. Ryoga is happy with me sharing oranges or bananas or (currently) grapes with him, but I’m outside the lot and literally the hand that feeds him. For all I know sweet Ryoga might want to kill someone, ahem, “hogging” things!

So I explain I’d be very worried about it working out. And what does the guy say? “Oh, I’m sure he will adjust.” Yeah, YOU are sure! Easy to say when you don’t even have a pig!

But then it’s the sob story, the whole “nowhere to turn” thing, suggesting the very life of the pig is at stake if a home can’t be found, etc.

And I can’t stand it.

I am such a fucking sucker! Why do I have a pet hog? Why do I have five dogs? Why do have about twenty cats on the farm that I take care of? Why did my family have almost every single pet we ever had? Because we are suckers!!! A stray shows up or someone turns to us in desperation because they need to get rid of a pet, and we can’t just say “ Not our problem. Let ‘em die if the shelter can’t find them a home. Or let ‘em fend for themselves. Not our responsibility to save them”

Hell, we once ended up with a rabbit because the owner got sick of them and threatened to make them into stew if we wouldn’t. Seriously, all they had to do was threaten the furball’s life and we went “FINE! We’ll take them!”

But damn it, this time I do NOT have the money to feed another mouth, and I can NOT build another lot just for a new beastie, and NO the pig can NOT move into my house!

**sigh**

Like I said. I’m a sucker.

I let the guy have my phone number so the woman can call me about it if she does end up moving.

I just couldn’t stand the thought of the poor homeless pig in this area where people so casually joke about killing any animal that isn’t a dog (cats included). I mean, they might not threaten to cook him like they do ALL the time about my Ryoga, but I don’t trust people around here to actually love pet pig. Since I’ve had Ryoga I’ve had too many casual chats in stores with people that had a beloved pet pig when they were little that their parents had killed.

But DAMN, this is a BAD idea!

Oh, PLEASE let this woman not move!!!!! ‘Cause if she calls and starts telling me she can’t find anyone else I might find myself with major snouted problem!!

I hate being a sucker for anyone, regardless of number of legs, that seems to meed help….

#my day #pets #pig

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Compromised - Part 13**

Surprise! Double update for you! This is where we start taking a turn towards the end, friends! THERE'S SMUT too.

WC: 5.8K

Fic Masterlist

Y/N’s heart was pounding at Harry’s confession. To know that everything she felt was reciprocated by the man before her made her feel fulfilled. She felt safe and seen and so, so loved. Her own eyes started glossing with tears as she kissed him again with the utmost tenderness. 

“I love feeling this way for you.” She muttered in between their kisses, “You make me feel happier than I’ve ever been.” She confessed and he smiled against her lips, “Thank you for loving me back.” She said more seriously and he pulled back a bit to look into her eyes.

“How could I not, baby?” He asked softly, as if loving her was the only obvious choice he had, and she bit on her bottom lip to avoid crying in this moment with him. “There’s also something else I want to talk to you about.” He said and she nodded to urge him to continue, “Disappearing like I have was stupid and reckless and there will be consequences.” He said to Y/N, “I don’t know what those will be yet, but I can’t put myself out there like this when Dominic has sent who knows how many people to find me and kill me. I couldn’t defend myself, much less you and I can’t have anything happen to you. But we need to prepare for the possibility of-”

“Don’t even say it.” She cut in fighting off the lump forming in her throat at the mere idea of losing him.

“It could happen.” He said seriously.

“I know, Harry!” She kind of snapped at him before exhaling shakily, “I know.” She said more softly and calmly, “But honestly, I would much rather ignore that and enjoy what we have right now. Let’s make the best of absolutely everything and when it’s time to go back we can think about the repercussions.” She said and he sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, OK. I can do that.” He smiled and she smiled back. The mood had been dampened already at the information he presented, though. That whole night they had been riding on a beautiful and fluffy cloud and just a pin prick of reality complete disintegrated that for them. They sat quietly for a moment before Y/N spoke up again.

“Let’s just get ready for bed, OK?” 

“Yeah, OK.” He hummed agreeably and let her tug him along into the bedroom where they got changed up and Harry headed into the bathroom to wash up as Y/N gathered their clothes from the night and dropped it into the laundry hamper in the bathroom. She then walked up to the adjoining faucet before trying her hair up and away from her face before cleaning off her make up. They continued their nighttime routine in silence as a new heaviness weighed over them. She was in the middle of applying her face serum when he turned to her with a frown.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought up the whole…impending doom conversation.” He apologized and she shrugged.

“I mean… you’re right though. We can’t get lost in this and pretend that after we leave it’s going to stay the same. Sure, right now we can just focus on how it is, but we need to be ready to face whatever’s waiting for you out there.” She said simply.

“I ruined the moment though.” He huffed in irritation with himself and she sighed.

“You kind of did.” She accepted with a giggle and he turned to her with a hurt expression.

“That makes me feel worse, by the way.” He reminded and she shrugged.

“It’s true. And what you said is also true. And sometimes the truth hurts but that doesn’t mean the moment we shared was any less special. It doesn’t mean I love you any less, Harry. So whatever.” She shrugged nonchalantly, trying to get him to move past the guilt that was starting to build up in his chest and he smiled and walked up to her and trapped her between the counter and himself.

“I really fucking love you.” He said with conviction and she smiled up at him.

“I really fucking love you.” She whispered before kissing his lips quickly, “Now let me finish up so we can get into bed.”

“Yeah, fine.” He sighed before stepping back and heading off into the bedroom. He turned down the bed and got comfortable while he waited for Y/N to join him. Finally, she did and she settled in close to him as she let the tension and stiffness of her body melt away as she sunk into the warmth that was Harry and the comfortable feeling of the mattress beneath her. Harry’s legs tangled with her own as he cuddled closer to her.

“You know, in the end of July there’s this event for my associates. It’s a fake charity gala type thing.” He explained and as he spoke about it she remembered her initial mission, it seemed so long ago, “As much as I have wanted to keep you away from all of it, having you there would actually make me feel better. I usually just go alone and sulk in a corner with a drink. Don’t want to be around those people.” He explained, “Would you be OK with that? Going with me?” He asked in a hushed tone and she smiled before turning towards him.

“Yeah, we can sulk in the corner together.” She smiled and he chuckled before pressing his lips to her forehead.

“It’s at this fancy hotel. We can stay there the night before and get you all dolled up and we can just stay over after too. They have a spa, didn’t get to go to it the last couple times, but it’s really good.” He elaborated.

“That actually does sound nice.” She whispered with a smile.

“Perfect. I’ll make sure to tell Axel to RSVP for me. That’ll at least clue these people in that I’m still around.” He mumbled tiredly.

****** A Few Days Later ******

“Would you look at that…” Agent Foster said to himself as he saw a new alert for activity with Harry’s email. He had hacked into all of his devices in the hopes of finding Y/N, the rogue CIA agent. He went in and saw a confirmation to an RSVP was received. He clicked on it to see what it was and it was an event. This was the probably the gala agent Y/L/N was intending on getting into. It had to be some sort of front to launder money through. Most of the people involved in the B.F. Clan would likely be there, she really knew what she was doing.

He wrote down the event details and continued reading to see the guest name of his plus one and there it was, in plain English letter, Y/N Y/L/N. She was alive.

“Got you.” He hummed. He immediately called the director to let him know that she was still alive and well and would apparently be at this gala. Not even five minutes later another confirmation came through to Styles’ email and it was a booking for a hotel, the same one that the event would be at. “Amateurs.” He mumbled.

The director had given him his instructions now that they knew that she was alive. Neutralize her and her colleague. He always had a pit in his stomach when he had to harm his own, but he needed to remind himself that she wasn’t on his side anymore. She chose her side and he needed to complete his mission. 

***************

“You’re carrying the baby because I can’t.” Harry said to Y/N as Mitch laughed and Sarah shook her head. There was real panic in her eyes as they all chatted, “Baby, your hesitation to hold Arlo is making him feel neglected. I need a picture of you like this.” He said, showing her a photo of him carrying Arlo when he was much smaller. "He's so big..." he mused as he glanced over to the baby who was crawling around, exploring Harry’s house without a care in the world for anyone else.

“Stop making her feel bad, H.” Sarah reprimanded Harry with a shake of her head as she kept an eye on her son. Y/N glared at him playfully.

It had been three weeks since they had seen Anne and Gemma and Harry seemed really happy after that, like he could conquer anything. Anne and Gemma were sending letters now that they knew where he was currently staying, it was nice to get little updates. Anne had even given Y/N one of her recipes for Harry’s favorite bread and butter pudding, he was craving it after they finished it up the day after they’d seen them. And now they got to spend time with Mitch, Sarah, and Arlo without worrying for their safety, it was perfect. 

“You know, this is what I’ve always wanted.” Harry said as he hugged around Y/N’s waist as she served them the dessert she had made, “Anonymity. To live life so mundanely and without a care in the world. I wish we could stay forever.” He mumbled against her shoulder before kissing it.

“I know, me too.” She sighed as she set one plate down. “And I will carry the baby for you.” She said softly, “But don’t make a big deal about it or I won’t.” She said and he grinned before kissing her cheek. 

She did keep her promise, Arlo was reclined in her arms rather comfortably while he slept a bit. Y/N’s eyes fluttered up to Harry who was just wearing the most shit-eating grin he could and she rolled her eyes. Mitch was picking at his guitar quietly and humming a melody lowly from his seat on the floor while Harry and Sarah talked about how things had been going. He told her about his mom and sister, he told her about the garden he started helping with (it was thriving under his watch), and Y/N also heard as Harry shared with Sarah the brief story about how they told each other that they loved each other.

**********

Sally didn’t expect Harry to RSVP to the gala, so when she was informed she immediately called Dominic. Being the idiot he was, he had no idea what to do and how to approach this situation. She then tried her luck with Alexei, he had gone back to Russia for some business so she had been waiting to hear back from him. It may have been 4am but when she saw his call coming in she picked up regardless.

“Hello?”

“What do you want, Sally?” Alexei spoke gruffly.

“Styles is going to be at the gala. Did Dom tell you?” She asked.

“I asked him to give me some time… I can only deal with his foolishness for so long.” He grumbled and Sally smiled. She knew exactly how he felt; Dom was a huge part of her life at some point, she put a lot into his hands before she realized just how stupid and cowardly he was.

“I understand that. Well, I asked him what he was going to do about it and he said that he would talk to you. After all, it’s you who’s seeking vengeance.” She said through her tiredness.

“This should all be his job. He’s the one who is at fault for Styles doing what he did.”

“I agree, but he’s weak and her’s a coward and he’s not going to do it. You know it.” Sally reminded.

“Then you do it, Sally.” Alexei said, almost as if he was bored with the conversation they were having.

“M-me?” She asked.

“Yes. At least I know if I asked you, you would get it done.” He said and she bit her lip. Harry was her boy…she had helped him be who he is, she had taught him everything he now knew hadn’t she? There was no way she could kill him, “Can I count on you for that, Sally?” He asked and she bit her lip, “Can I trust you, my new partner, to do this for me?” He asked, awaiting her response. She felt her stomach twist with guilt as she nodded her head.

“Yes. You can trust me with this.” She said solemnly.

“Good. You’ve built a wonderful thing, Sally. I know Dominic can be useful to some extent, but you are far more valuable. I hope you know that you will have a spot by my side and  together we will make our organization bigger, better, and stronger.” Alexei preached and she nodded.

“I know we will. I trust you.” She said more quietly.

“Good, Sally. That’s very good.” He hummed before hanging up.

She had no idea how she was going to hurt Harry herself, but she just had to come up with something or it was her neck on the line. 

***********

Y/N was practically buzzing. Ever since Harry had invited her to this gala, she was excited to figure out what to wear. She liked dressing up and doing different things with her look when given the chance and her dress was supposed to come. It was extremely understated, but she wanted to look dainty and effortless. That was the vibe she wanted to give and she had made up this whole mood board in her mind of what she would look like after Harry told her that he was just going with the plain black tux. 

She practically squealed when the doorbell rang and a large box was left at the front door. She smiled at the man who had just dropped it off before scurrying inside. Harry had been out with Niall and Liam to check on Allan and Emma, so she had some time to get into the dress and just plan her look. So she did just that. She opened up her box and fawned over her dress for a while before actually trying it on and then deciding to go for the heeled sandals she had planned to wear as well, and soon she was rummaging through Harry’s drawers to see if there was any jewelry he had that was similar enough to what she envisioned to see if it could help her start to fully picture her look. She got really busy playing dress up that she didn’t even hear him coming through the front door. To be fair, she was in the guest room because the lighting was beautiful and there was a giant full length mirror in there that she was taking full advantage of.

“Wow.” She heard a quiet exclamation and quickly turned to see Harry leaning against the door frame with a smile and a glint in his eyes. She looked down at her outfit and then back to him.

“Do you like it? S’not too plain?” She asked nervously as he approached her.

“No. You look absolutely breathtaking.” He spoke with conviction as he came closer to her. The ivory color of the dress made it look a bit bridal and seeing Y/N like that made Harry feel all sorts of ways. 

“Thanks.” She whispered timidly as her eyes met his again. He wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her before dipping her down in a dramatic kiss that made her laugh against his lips before they were connecting with his own as he slowly brought her back up.

“I mean it. You look like an angel.” He smiled at her as he walked her back until she were pressed against the wall and he looked down at her with a certain darkness in his eyes, “Absolutely beautiful, could just eat you up.” He mumbled with a smile and she felt her face heating at his compliment. 

She deflected her eyes from his own out of sheer nerves she caught a glimpse of them through the reflection on the big floor length mirror just a couple feet away from them. He looked so much bigger than her for some reason and as she looked him over she fawned over his side profile, every bit of him was so angular and prominent, his arms were strong and he was so lean and as her eyes traveled down further she saw the noticeable bulge in his jeans protruding a bit more against her lower tummy. When her eyes traveled back up they met with his through the mirror as well and he smirked at her before biting down on his lip and rutting against her and she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

“It does something a little different, huh? Seeing it happen versus actually living it?” He said through a raspier voice and she nodded. She was a bit surprised when he reached for her hand and wedged it between them to place it over his erection that was straining against the denim. She felt a heat run through her entire body as his hand guided hers over his cock, “Look how fucking hard you make me, angel.” He said to her softly and she felt her breathing picking up as her arousal started to skyrocket, “Got me all swollen and aching just for you.” He breathed out heavily as he added more pressure to his hand over hers and she bit her lip as she glanced down between them to see a little wet patch starting to form presumably where the tip of his cock was resting. 

“Fuck, need you so bad.” She panted and with shaky fingers she removed her hand from under his and with help from her other hand she went to unzip his jeans. Something about her urgency flipped this switch inside of him and he just needed to completely ruin her right now. She was such a needy and eager little thing, it had been too long of a wait, he needed to up the game now and his mind was spinning with ideas on what he could do to drive her insane and he decided that he would just try something that he’d always wanted to, but it never seemed appropriate until now. Y/N fumbled a bit as she finally got his jeans far enough down his thighs before looking into his eyes, getting ready to wrap her hand around his base.

“Nuh-uh.” He said reaching for her hand to hold it in place, “Open up that pretty mouth for me.” He ordered and her face morphed into one of confusion but then she did it. She was such a good listener and he loved that. He let his thumb skim along her bottom lip before dipping it in and she moaned around his finger. Her mouth was warm and velvety as her tongue smooth around his digit. He started pulling it out and held her mouth open before looking into her eyes and spitting right against her tongue. He didn’t expect her eyes to flutter shut and for her to moan as his own saliva rested against her tongue. He was still holding her mouth open and watched as her own saliva started to pool at the taste of him against her tongue. He brought her hand up and placed it before her mouth, “Go on baby, want a nice and smooth glide when you’re working my cock.” He said darkly and she was eager to do as she was told and he hissed when her warm and wet palm finally encircled his heated and throbbing skin, “You know where my spot is, right angel?” He asked and her response was her thumb rubbing against the ridge of the head of his cock, “Fuck, yeah right there, baby.” He smiled.

Y/N was an absolute mess in her panties right now. Whatever came over Harry, she loved it. They had been pretty plain and heat of the moment with their sexual interactions, but this… she knew that he had something working in his brain by the way his eyes wouldn’t leave hers as she got him off. The only way they’d break eye contact was when his eyes would close, but then he’d be right back to watching her, it was intimidating, but more than anything, she wanted to be looking elsewhere.

“You want to look at yourself getting me off, don’t you?” He asked with a lazy grin and she felt her entire body tingle as he practically read her mind, “Want see what it looks like when we’re together like this?” He asked, more than pleased that her arms were completely littered in goosebumps.

“Yeah.” She responded feebly, her eyes glued to his still.

“Go on then.” He encouraged before groaning as she tightened up her grip a bit making him started to buck his hips into her fist, “Fuck, baby.” He panted, “You see worked up you get me, fucking up in to your fist, desperate for any part of you I can get.” He panted and she moaned at his words, “What’s getting you off about it, my filthy little angel?” He asked and she moaned, “Tell me, baby.” He urged and she sighed as she focused her eyes on the reflection of her fist around his length.

“My hand looks so small compared to your cock.” She explained before biting her lip, “Makes me wonder…” she paused as the filthy thoughts and images she was conjuring up muddled her brain.

“Makes you wonder what?” He pressed through a grunt.

“Makes me wonder how you fit in my mouth when you’r that size.” She said softly and her eyes fluttered closed for a moment, “And then that makes me wonder how you’re ever gonna fit inside of me when you get so fucking big.” She was practically panting, “S’gonna feel so fucking good when you do.” She whimpered before her eyes met his again and they kissed ardently for a moment, his forehead rested against hers, feeling his entire abdomen burning as he got closer and closer.

“Considering how wet you get for me don’t think I’ll have a problem fitting into you, baby. But it’s gonna be deep, though. Gonna feel me right up here.” He said, pressing his thumb against her lower stomach, “If I fuck you hard enough might even be able to see it a little bit.” He grinned and a moan just slipped out of her mouth at that. Her arousal was now making the tops of her thighs feel stick as she shifted them a bit to ease some of the pressure she was feeling, “S’that what you want, baby? Want me to absolutely ruin you on my cock?” He asked and she nodded. He stopped her hand from stroking him any further and she was practically buzzing from how turned on she was, “Turn around for me.” She did as she was told and faced the wall and soon she heard him unzipping her dress and his hands guided the straps off of her shoulders. He helped her step out of it before draping it over the clothing rack behind them.

“Harry, baby…” she whined as he admired her.

“Fucking hell, look at you…” he said with amusement. The only thing she was in now was her thong and he ripped his T-shirt off of himself, wincing a bit at the force at which he did it, it slightly hurt his shoulder. But despite that he came up behind her again and ground himself against her ass as his fingers played with the hem of her underwear.

“Please, baby, I need something.” She keened softly and he smiled as he kissed her shoulder and proceeded to push her thong down her thighs until she was able to let it fall down her legs. He then turned her back around and kissed her hard and hungrily. His tongue was rolling against her own and he was swallowing up her whimpers as his fingers glided through her delicate, warm, and sticky folds.

“Fuck, your little cunt is dripping for me.” He grunted as his middle fingers teased at her entrance and she moaned against his mouth before he slipped his fingers up to rub into her clit, side to side, side to side, until her eyes were fluttering as the tingles started spreading and sparking up her arousal even more. Then an idea popped into his mind and he let his fingers drag up and away from her entrance and she pouted into their kiss. 

“C’mon. angel.” He said as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her along until she was directly before the mirror, look at her naked body and his directly behind hers. She watched as his hands caressed her body gently and sensually. His big hands cupped her breasts before groping and teasing at her pert nipples. She moaned as he rutted his hard cock against her ass, he too was moaning and grunting from the friction. She watched as one of his hands disappeared from her body and went behind her and then she felt his cock push in between the tight space between her thighs. “Close those legs a bit more. Make it nice and tight for me.” He encouraged and she was a puddle for him.

“Oh my god.” She sighed as the head of his cock started pressing further between her legs until his cock was all slicked up between her folds as he started thrusting steadily. She was having a hard time standing still as his cock teased at her entrance, plus hearing him moan, and talk to her in the filthy way he was. She was getting ready to burst if he didn’t do something, anything, more. 

“Look at yourself.” He said almost teasingly, “Practically bursting at the seams and I’m not even inside of you. I don’t think you could handle my cock, baby.” He said and she frowned as a whine left her lips and her head fell back against his. She could see the tip of his cock peeking through with every thrust he gave.

“Harry, please.” She nearly sobbed at how worked up she was at this point.

“Please what?” He asked and she inhaled sharply when his fingers came to her clit and he started rubbing at her sensitive little bud, “Tell me what you want, baby.” He cooed and she moaned as she started getting taken over by the feeling of pleasure that was shooting through her nervous system.

“Please, fuck me.” She gasped, “Need you to fuck me, Harry. Please, please, please.” She whimpered, “Oh shit!” She cried out as she started coming undone. Harry moaned as the space between her thighs grew hotter and slicker with the cum. 

“Look at how fucking perfect you are.” He hummed as her body shook with the aftershocks of her orgasm. She was trying to catch her breath, everything felt so sensitive. His lips against her jaw as he praised her for doing so good for him. The firm hold he had around her waist. It all felt like so much. “M’gonna ruin you, baby.”

“Please do.” She grinned and he didn’t even think about his arm as he picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He climbed over her and she let her legs fall apart and he immediately brought his hand to her throbbing center and he rubbed at her clit for a few seconds before looking up at her.

“When’s the last time you had sex?” He asked as he teased at her entrance and she shrugged.

“I genuinely don’t recall. But definitely over a year.” She sighed and then groaned as he sunk two fingers into her gently.

“You’re fucking tight, baby.” He pointed out and she whined as he hooked his fingers up and and pressed into a spot inside of her that had her legs clamping shut and he smiled, that was it. Y/N suddenly felt frozen as his fingers continuously thrusted into that spot inside of her and it felt good, so good that it hurt a little bit and she had no idea how to even process the things he was doing to her. She was being built up so quickly that she was losing her mind.

“Harry!” She cried out as the pleasure started to peak and he moaned as he watched her slowly come undone, “Fuck, I’m gonna come!” She mewled and he picked up the pace and brought his thumb up towards her clit and started rubbing it back and forth and suddenly her moans went silent for a second, her body completely taught and suddenly she was spasming around his fingers and then she was squirting and gushing cum. Her legs were trembling and her knuckles were white from fisting the sheets so damn hard.

“Fuck yeah, baby. That’s it, let it all out.” He encouraged with heavy breaths util she was done and he was gently getting her through the come down. 

“Oh my god…I’ve never…fuck…that’s never happened before.” She panted and he grinned.

“Well s’gonna happen a lot more now.” He chuckled as he slipped his fingers out from her and she shook her head in disbelief about what had just happened. He didn’t even give her a warning as he ground his cock against her sensitive folds and she whimpered his name and he just watched her poor and swollen little cunt with some sympathy because he was about to give it a good pounding. “You’re going to feel me for days, baby.” He said darkly and she moaned as his cock pushed into her tight little hole. It was a most welcomed intrusion. He was groaning as her body accommodated his own. The fluttering and spasms of her tight, velvety walls were making hims lose his composure as he bottomed out.

“Oh my god, so fucking deep.” She whispered. Nothing could have prepared her for the way he started to draw back from her and the way it felt when he thrust back into her hard and deep, so deep that she gasped and he moaned loudly as the tip of his cock collided with her cervix. Still deep inside of her, he shifted them so that he was kneeling and there was hardly any space between them as he thrust into her again, so deep that with every thrust the head of his cock kissed at the deepest part of her that was making her see blurry as she stared at the ceiling.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good. Such a perfect little pussy. You had to have been made just for me. Take me so fucking well, every fucking inch.” He panted and she moaned loudly as he ground into her until her legs were shaking. And then he moved back to thrusting and when he said he would ruin her, it was the absolute truth. She couldn’t even think or speak, all she was doing was moaning and crying out curses from how good he was fucking her. Once again, she was being built up in such a way that everything around her felt sensitive, her ears were ringing and her eyes watering as the pleasure she felt tried to find any way to manifest, “Oh baby, love you so fucking much. Feels so good with you.” He panted and now he had effectively fucked her heart with that and it was too much. “Fuck are you OK?” He stopped and she nodded, blinking back tears.

“I love you too. This just feels…” she moaned when he moved a bit, “You’re just fucking me so good my body doesn’t know what to do.” She giggled tiredly and he grinned pridefully before pulling back and sinking into her once again and her eyes fluttered shut at the feeling.

“Worth the wait?” He asked and she nodded.

“So fucking worth it.” She confirmed with a smile as he started up again. He was trying his best not to come, but it was getting to be too much now. His tummy was burning and his body was begging him to just let it happen.

“I’m getting close, so close.” He panted and she moaned.

“Good, me too.” She assured and he picked up the pace and he could feel that her body was ready. She felt a lot more hot and slick around him and it was driving him crazy. 

“Fuck, baby…” he panted as his thrusts became slower but more intentional, driving into her in such a way that made her feel dizzy. Harry’s body was tense and he was clutching tight to her thighs as he watched his cock disappearing into her swollen and beat up pussy. He couldn’t handle this anymore, he couldn’t put it off for another moment, “Fuck I’m coming!” He groaned as he pushed in as deep as he could and started to spiral. Y/N’s walls spasming and squeezing around him intensified the whole experience for him. She was whimpering and babbling his name as her body milked his for all it was worth. Harry was just awestruck at how this orgasm had hit him as he spilled rope after rope of cum into her. He felt weak and exhausted as he just collapsed over her and she hummed as she wrapped her arms tight around him as they panted wordlessly, just trying to let the tingling and buzzing feelings subside. Her legs still felt twitchy even of she wasn’t using them and deep in her core she could just feel a steady throbbing and then as his cum slowly started to ooze from her entrance.

“Wow…” she whispered and he smiled, eyes still closed as he let his body rest. That had really taken it out of him. Her fingers carded through his curls lazily as they started to doze off.

“I love you.” He hummed, “I want everything with you, baby.” He confessed quietly as he planted a kiss to her chest and suddenly her mood was dampened as he said this because it had all been built on a lie. That wasn’t fair to him.

“I love you too.” She responded genuinely, but she felt that she needed to be honest with him about everything if he really wanted everything with her. Her involvement in an intelligence agency meant that she wasn’t safe and she was technically an enemy of the state for leaving the way she did. Either she turned herself in or they neutralized her, there was no in between. And as that realization struck her, she had this impending sense of doom cloud over herself. It seemed that no matter which way they looked at it, they were doomed. And like she told Harry the week before, she still wanted to make the most of what they had, but in order to do that he needed to know the truth. Her truth. She suddenly sat up, releasing herself from his weight and hold on her body and he groaned from his position on the bed, looking up at her with tired eyes and a dopey smile on his face that was begging her to come back to him. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she worked up the courage to speak. His smile started to fade when he saw the uneasy look in her eyes and he frowned.

"Baby, are you alright?" he questioned, propping himself up on his elbow and she inhaled sharply before just saying it.

“Harry, th-there’s something that I uh, that I need to tell you.”

Part 14

#writing #harry styles #harry styles fan fic #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #compromised #0nlythrowharrybeaux

[polite-pandemonium]

I’d marry you with paper rings - part 1

Prompt: Taichi and Mimi run a seemingly harmless con where they pretend to get engaged in restaurants so they can get free dessert, only to be caught in the act when her parents witness one of the fake proposals and 100% believe it. Pairing: Taichi/Mimi, others will show up I think Rating: T Notes: This is for @piedrpiper, who gave me this killer prompt, which I then ran away with and now who knows what I’ve gotten myself into!!! Also this is unbeta’ed and I wrote it all in the span of an hour so who even knows if it’s good!! WHO EVEN KNOWS!!!!!

Chosen Chat Thursday - 2:01pm

Daisuke:  uMMMMM ╭( ๐_๐)╮ @taichi-san, @mimi-san, do you want to explain what the hell this is?  https://www.tiktok.com/@minakolovesyou/video/87362956028361822

Yamato:  …what the hell is this?

Sora:  …I feel like we are missing A FEW chapters?

Koushiro:  Um? Did I miss a memo?  Or a several years long relationship?

Daisuke: You mean again? ( º﹃º )

Koushiro:  No one asked you, @daisuke-san.

Miyako: WHAT IS THIS? HOW DID I NOT KNOW?

Takeru: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Miyako: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME? ＼(｀0´)／

Hikari: Onii-chan, what is going on?

Miyako: Seriously, WHY? Why did no one tell ME?

Takeru: LOLLLLLLLLL

Miyako: STOP LAUGHING, TAKERU-SAN. 

Yamato: Takeru, stop. 

Hikari:  Takeru-kun, this isn’t funny!

Taichi: Oh my GOD, stop blowing up my phone, seriously.  It’s just this thing Mimi-chan and I have been doing. 

Sora: I’m sorry, what??? A ‘thing’ you’ve been doing with Mimi? You call *getting engaged* a thing??

Miyako: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL?? @mimi-san WHERE ARE YOU?  HOW COULD YOU STAND FOR THIS?

Taichi: NOT FOR REAL!  I found a list on Reddit of restaurants in Tokyo that will give you free dessert if you get engaged there.  So Mimi-chan and I have been going around to them. 

Yamato: …You’re getting fake engaged? So you can get a free dessert?

Takeru: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Hikari: Oh my god, okaa-san is going to kill you.

Taichi: Stop, it’s all in good fun.  Plus she’s never going to find out? Don’t understand why someone filmed it, though.

Miyako:  This happens all of the time! This is TikTok!!  People film beautiful, random moments and share them! They thought this was a beautiful, random moment!  BUT IT’S NOT IT’S FAKE (ノ-_-)ノ ミ ┴┴

Koushiro: This is so unnecessarily deceptive.  You guys are both doing fine financially.  You don’t need to lie to get free dessert. 

Yamato:  Seriously, what the fuck? This isn’t cool. An engagement is an important moment.

Taichi:  Oh, calm down lover boy @yamato Not all of us have been envisioning our engagement since we were fourteen.

Sora: Taichi!

Mimi: LOL I see our game has been exposed. 

Taichi: It has, unfortunately.  The jig is up.

Mimi: On TikTok, too? Ugh, I wasn’t even wearing my cutest outfit that day.

Taichi: I think you looked great. 

Mimi: Aww, shucks, thanks hubby. 

Taichi: Of course, wifey. 

Daisuke: （●≧艸≦

Hikari: 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ

Takeru:  LOL?

Yamato: You’re both ridiculous. 

Mimi: Oh, Yamato-kun, you don’t mean that!

Yamato:  Given that you’re both running around getting fake engaged?  For dessert? I do. 

Taichi: OK, look, it isn’t just the dessert that we do it for.

Yamato: ?

Hikari: ????

Taichi: Sometimes they give us free drinks, too.

Mimi: One time, we got a whole bottle of Veuve Cliquot! 

Taichi: The big one!

Mimi: The BIG one!!!!!

Koushiro: You guys, really?

Taichi: The big one, Kou!!!

Mimi: 100,000 views, huh?

Taichi: Is that a lot?

Mimi: I mean, it’s not not a lot But it’s not viral

Daisuke:  Well, it’s only been up for a few hours And it’s popular enough that I ended up seeing it

Miyako: That’s cause you’re chronically online, Daisuke. 

Daisuke:  Takes one to know one, Miyako.

Hikari: Well, you both better hope it doesn’t accumulate any more views  I doubt you want to explain this to people who aren’t us Like your employers

Taichi: Oh, GOD, no thank you

Mimi: Um do NOT put that out there But I don’t think we have to worry about it Even if it gets more views, the chances of someone who knows us seeing it are so slim You have to be addicted to TikTok Like Daisuke-kun

Daisuke: Look, this isn’t dump on Daisuke, hour I’m not the one going out getting fake engaged for dessert I go to Lawson like any other respectable adult 

Miyako: Konbini betrayal!! (ง •̀_•́)ง

Mimi: My point is!! That we don’t have to worry about it going more viral. Viral is subjective now a-days. Everything’s viral. No one will likely see it. 

7:23pm

Ken: Ah, man I miss everything 

Friday - 1:47am

Jyou: Same But I’m glad I wasn’t here for this Seconding Yamato, you’re both ridiculous

The next morning, Mimi stood in her kitchen, eating natto over rice and running a facial roller over her cheeks. She had been out a little late last night with Sora and Miyako, drinking wine and chattering about their weeks into the wee hours, and it was showing on her face. 

Where had she put her collagen powders? She thought to herself as she surveyed the small kitchen in her Aoyama apartment. There were only so many cupboards for her to tuck them away into and yet they were no where to be found. Maybe if she was able to blend them into her coffee, they could perk her up a bit. Or better yet, a green juice - they were special ones she had brought back from her last trip to America. Surely in green juice they would make her glow. 

But she didn’t know where they were and Mimi didn’t like green juice anyway. 

Sighing to herself, she unlocked her phone. Swiping away from the notifications in the Chosen group chat (Takeru and Hikari were asking the group to settle some sort of debate they had stayed up till 4 in the morning arguing about - the old marrieds), she opened up her calendar. She scanned her meetings for the day: 8 in total, 3 on-site, 5 remote. 

Too many, she groaned, and closed the app. 

Opening up TikTok, she swiped through a few videos. A couple of reviews of local cafes, three videos about the latest season of Stranger Things, and a handful of fashion videos. She paused on one, inspecting the blouse the girl was wearing, before favouriting it as a reminder for her to pick it up later.

Then, suddenly, Mimi was met with the sight of her own face, blushing and teary eyed as Taichi knelt down in front of her in the dining room at Narisawa. 

She sat up a little straighter. 

This had been restaurant number eight on their list and overall, it had been a pleasant experience. Mimi had worn a bright pink linen dress she picked up from Reformation in Toronto on a recent buying trip with simple gold hoops. Taichi wore a well tailored black suit and white dress shirt, no tie. He rested his hand on the small of her back when they walked in. 

For over an hour, they laughed and talked together, recounting their days and weeks. The best part about this whole ruse was that they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company; it was easy to pretend you absolutely adored the person across from you romantically when you did adore them platonically. Taichi hammed it up, taking Mimi’s hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles in between courses, and Mimi answered in kind by reaching over mid-conversation to brush a strand of hair off his forehead. 

The food was delicious and the wine even better and near the end of dinner, Taichi had cleared his throat before getting down on one knee and launching into his (well rehearsed) speech about how much he loved her and how much he couldn’t live without her and could she do the greatest honour of his life by agreeing to marry him?

Mimi’s eyes welled up with tears (she had pinched her thigh hard under the table) before she nodded enthusiastically and said a choked-up ‘yes’. Taichi slipped the ring on her finger, they both rose, and embraced to the sound of both enthusiastic and uncomfortable applause. They kissed each other on the cheek (they were in public, after all), before sitting back down and beaming at each other.

Their server congratulated them and then offered them a bottle of one of their finest wines, on the house. They gratefully accepted. 

From her kitchen counter, Mimi chuckled to herself. The whole thing had been so fun - it had been Taichi who had sent the list to her when bored at work one afternoon and jokingly said, ‘Want to pretend to agree to marry me for free dessert?’ But it had been MImi who answered, seriously, ‘Um, heck yes.’

Together they devised a plan to work their way through the entire crowd sourced list. They would go to one restaurant a month and they would make up a new backstory for how they met, how long they had been together, and other various details for each restaurant, just in case. They took a quick trip to Liquem in Hanakawado and selected a sparkly, slightly gaudy ring for under ¥3,000. 

From there on, it was showtime. 

Looking at the view count on the video, Mimi’s eyes widened. Since Daisuke had sent it the day before, the video had now amassed over 4 million views and over 10 thousand comments. 

“Oh my god,” Mimi mumbled, opening up the comments section and scanning them. 

“Holy shit the way he looks at her, I’m —”

“Her face!! She looks so in love!!”

“If my finance doesn’t look at me like that then I don’t want it!”

“Ew, people like this? It’s so public. No thanks.”

“Her dressssss? Mommy? Sorry. Mommy?”

“Crying in single over here.”

“Who gets engaged at NARISAWA are you SERIOUS? I would be mortified.”

“He’s so hot.”

Flustered, Mimi closed the comments and focused on the video. On screen, she watched as her hands flew to her face as Taichi looked up at her, nervously, beaming, a Harry Styles song playing over them. The Mimi on screen nodded excitedly and the face of the Taichi on screen split into a grin. Mimi suddenly felt like she had to look away. 

They really did look happy. 

Before she had a moment to think about it further, her phone began to buzz in her hand. A text from her parents. 

Family Chat Friday - 8:34am

Mama: Oh, Mimi!!!! We just saw it!!! https://www.tiktok.com/@minakolovesyou/video/87362956028361822 We’re SO SO EXCITED FOR YOU ( ´•̥̥̥o•̥̥̥`)♡(˘̩̩̩̩̩̩ ⌂ ˘̩̩̩̩̩̩)

Mama: Why didn’t you tell us you and Yagami-san were dating?  We would have been so happy!!

Papa:  Mimi, darling, you have some explaining to do.  But we are VERY VERY HAPPY!!!!! ( ‘́⌣’̀)/(˘̩̩ε˘̩ƪ) CALL US!!!!!!

Mama: CALL US VERY SOON!!! AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!!! CALL US!!! ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

Papa: ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

#digimon #fanfic #taichi x mimi #michi #taichi/mimi #otp: flew to japan for a soccer game #fic: mine #fic: I'd marry you with paper rings #part two coming this week or someday idk!!!!

[scary-senpai]

Bestie you shouldn't have done this because I'm going to ask you the worst one. (I almost went with the most controversial tropes I could think of but decided it was too mean.) 🔪 Fuck, marry, kill: Florist AU, Band AU, Soulmate AU?

Ah, Bestie, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Fuck the Band AU (affectionate), because that’s what it’s all about, right? Raw attraction, carnal indulgence, “making beautiful music together.” It’s mostly fun and a little dangerous—always a good time

Marry Florist AU. It’s sweet, it’s stable, there’s nice symbolism… in a Florist AU, nothing can hurt you, not even bees.

…Unless your flower store is all about money laundering and (plot twist!) it’s been a mafia front all along. Anyway I did end up executing on that idea (no pun intended…or is it? 🔪🔪🔪☠️), but since the Jujutsu Kaisen cast happened to be a better fit, the OPM-verse is safe from me..for now.

You see, as I was brainstorming the Money Laundering Florist AU, it lead me to marry all the Flufftober and Whumptober prompts into some terrible, 31 day bastardization of two wildly disparate fandom events. Anyway, I hope for everybody’s sake Flumptober doesn’t take off—especially mine—but who knows. Maybe it will become tradition.

By process of elimination, this would lead me to kill the “soul mate au,” but as I’ve taken a personal vow of nonharming, I won’t be killing anything, which makes the ant problem in my office a bit of a sticky wicket.

I don’t the soulmate au needs to die, but I do believe it could benefit from more reincarnations. I think about how often we attribute strange, conflicting feelings to noumenal elements like the spirit or soul. And while I’ve never neither fully believe nor disbelieve in such things, I find myself leaning towards whimsical thinking when I want to escape the reality of something—historically, a bad romantic relationship. I feel like I’ve seen other friends experience more or less the same (especially late teens / early twenties). It’s hard to conceptualize healing from a broken heart when it hasn’t happened to you yet.

Anyway, even if soul mates are a scientific given, there’s still uncertainty in real science—even a seemingly straightforward diagnosis—so I thought it might be interesting to apply that same uncertainty to the concept of soulmates. I’m thinking back to okCupid algorithms, how you answer a litany of questions and get a percent match. I met my nest partner on okc and we eerily always order the same things, which makes sense since food / drink preferences were some of the questions asked.

Or what about different flavors of soulmates? Why just one kind, or just one soulmate? I (briefly) worked in a linguistics lab (even though I’m not really cut out for research), because I felt such a deep and immediate affinity for the grad students and faculty. We were on the same wavelength about pretty much everything except for how lack of diversity consistently and profoundly impedes developmental psychology research. I’ve (seriously) joked that my senpai John is my creative soulmate because we’re always absurdly on the same wavelength and people sometimes think we are dating if they see us together. (We are not flirting, we are “yes, and”-ing and they are not the same). But I do feel that way, that there are other types of otherworldly bonds aside from the standard romantic ones. My best friend and I were born exactly six months apart and I’ve always felt there was something auspicious about that.

And, of course, I’m a huge fan of The Good Place take, which is that “If soulmates do exist, they're not found, they're made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and they get to work building a relationship.” Because as I get older I find that the most fulfilling and beautiful aspect of a relationship is not that it just magically works, no matter what, it’s that I commit to making it working. Repeatedly. Every day. I think that this is a massively underutilized approach when it comes to prickly characters, because it can show two partners working to change behavior and strengthen communication as opposed to potentially excusing a “ride or die” mentality.

I had a whole rant about the unbearable lightness of being, but I decided to spare you because this is a Wendy’s an anime blog 🤷‍♀️

Thank you so much for the ask! I really enjoyed this (and I got a lot out of this question, including a new WIP)

#asks #ask game #splendiferous mutuals #wilf #(work i'd like to finish) #Flumptober #for my undergrad research project I asked if I could analyze the results of their existing experiments by zip code #or even by hospital (we ran studies on kids and half came from posh private hospital and others came from public hospital) #also our city had notoriously inaccessible public transit #two very wealthy neighborhoods were within walking distance of the university #it’s very easy to support science when you can pop by the lab with your nanny #but science is a bit more than that #anyway #the prof nudged me in another direction and I took the hint

[khaleesiofalicante]

¡Hola Dani! ¿Cómo estás? 👋🏼

He Ate the Fucking Raisins!

Again with the raisin hate!!

THE BEGINNING

They interrupt him during his meeting with Nike and make faces at the camera and run away giggling.

Ok but that is very cute and I will pay all the world's money to see it

He actually does wear Edom clothes every now and then. Shinyun doesn’t know that.

Aww imagine how happy she'll be 🥰

When he walks into the bedroom, Alec is lying on his back, sprawled on the bed. Rafael is hovering over his face and Max is sitting on his stomach.

Too cute!!

Max has a brilliant grin on his face. “We’re making daddy pretty!”

ALSLQLQPW!!!!!!!!! THIS IS MY WEAKNESS!!!

“We’re making daddy pretty for the photo shoot tomorrow,” Rafael informs, as he seriously combs through Alec’s dark hair.

ALSOQLWPQP!!!! I'M A HOE 😍😍😍

This entire scene is giving me life!!!

“Yeah?” Alec asks. “You gonna put the cover up on your wall, baby?”

Oooh you have no idea my beloved twin!!!

The next morning, Magnus forces Alec to wear the sandalwood face pack and then takes him through his skincare regime.

I need that skincare routine ASAP

“Magnus,” Alec says incredulously. “Have you been walking around this whole morning with a butt plug in your pocket?”

“Not for this!” Alec groans. “God, I’m so glad I’m not wearing a butt plug right now.”

“Mr. Lightwood.”

🤣🤣🤣

“I’m not a spitter! I’m a swallower!” Magnus says indignantly.

Listen I'm clearly not mature enough to read this chapter at a work meeting

But I don't want to stop

People are looking at me Dani 🤣🤣

Aww they are being cute!!! 🥰 it's harder to keep a straight face when they are being cute 🤣

Alec opens the tiny box and then blinks at it. “It’s empty.”

“Yes.”

“Where is it?”

“Where do you think it is?”

ALSLQLQLQO!!!! NOP... I'M GONNA HAVE TO STOP FOR A WHILE

Alec blinks. “What? Did I say something rude?”

No my beloved twin you are perfect!!!

Also, Alec might have been right. Magnus does sit by the window and mope around the mansion waiting for Alec to come back.

That's the most appropriate reaction ever!!

“You wouldn’t believe the cheeky shit Max pulled on me today.”

Aaah so it begins!!

This has been the funniest shit I've read in a long time!! Yes, my coworkers and some of the parents present were giving me death stares but I don't care 🤣🤣

I will however wait to read the rest because I don't know what's in store and I refuse to cry in public

THE MIDDLE

But he knows the internet has changed life dramatically for many people.

My life wouldn't be the same without Tumblr and Fanfics... thank you internet 🙌🏼

Magnus who went on his first date after the divorce.

Oh noooooo!!! Fuck you internet 😡

My poor twin!!! And during Christmas time 😭😭

Max has been all over the place in the last three months.

Pre-Mavid times

“Ew. None of my friends are going to eat, dad. Who comes to a party just to eat?”

ME!! MAXWELL!!! I do... that it's literally the only reason I go to parties 😒

This party has impending doom vibes!!

He had promised he would win four medals so they can each wear one.

One gold medal for each of the Lightwood-Banes.

😭😭😭

Both Alec and Max being pining heartbroken messes

And there he is.

The love of his fucking life.

🥰🥰

“It wasn’t even a pudding with raisins!” Magnus hisses. “It was a pudding made out of raisins!”

Ok that's just wrong!!!

“He went into his old bedroom,” Elyaas says urgently. “Then a man went inside it.”

Nooooooo!!!!!!

“Break the door down!” Magnus shouts at him. “Do it! Now!”

“Stay away from my son,” Magnus whispers lowly. “Or I will kill you myself.”

“I WASN’T FUCKING ASKING. SIT DOWN ON THE BED RIGHT NOW!”

This man is doing things to me right now!!!! 🥵🥵🥵

FUCK NATE!!! 🤬 what a creep!!!

“Magnus! What’s wrong?” Alec asks worriedly. “Ba-Magnus. Talk to me.”

Not my twin almost calling Magnus baby... the way I gasped 🥺

Oh my heart!!!!

THE END

Rafael shakes his head, chewing on a roti. “I’m doing a SWOT analysis.”

Rafe mi bebé precioso 🥰 I hate SWOT analysis the fact that me a preschool teacher who studied modern languages in college has to do those makes no sense!!!! WTF world??

“Imma get to the point,” Max settles down next to him. “I’m going to England.”

😯😯😯

Look at my Maxwell being so mature!! I'm so proud

“Aww! You’re in a relationship!”

“Can you stop?”

We cannot!!!

Max takes a deep breath. “I want to work for Edom.”

YES!!!!!!!! Please can we see Shinyun’s reaction to this??? Pleaseeee!!!!!!!!

Magnus smiles. “You like her?”

She's an acquired taste but yeah I like her very much 🥵

Magnus takes a deep breath. “Why not? I’m feeling adventurous today.”

Yes please!!! Do it do it

Shinyun chuckles. “Oh, I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Me tooooo!!!!

“You’re gonna talk to Alec?” Magnus blinks. “What if he says no? You know, um, he is not your biggest fan, Shinyun.”

Yeah no shit!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS!!

I'm so excited!!! I'm shaking right now what the fuck?!?!?!

“You have a snake??” Max gasps. “And you named it Noodle???”

I'm living my best life!!!!! This is awesome!!!!

Shinyun barges into the room. “Hello, Alex.”

Everybody look away!! She's talking to me 🥰😍

🤣🤣🤣 Fuck me Shinyun!!! I AM LOVE HER!!!

“You are impossible!” Alec puts up his hands. “First you come after my husband and now you come after my son.”

😯😯😯😯😯

This conversation is 🔥 👌🏼 🤤 top tier shit!!! Alec vs Shinyun and I'm winning!!!!

Alec smiles a little. “I don’t want anyone to leave me. But I’ve learned that I don’t really get a choice.”

Listen my twin needs to be hugged and loved!!! Soon!!!

“You don’t look okay,” Magnus says.

He isn’t!!!! 😭😭😭

“Take it,” Magnus says. “Take some of my strength.”

ALSOQOQ!!! Nobody touch me!! I'm too soft right now!!!

Did he forget to tell Alec that he broke up with Shinyun?

YOU DID!!! Tell him now!!!!!!!

Maybe he should wait until Alec asks.

Noooooooooooooo!!! TELL HIM NOW!!!!!!!!!

“I agree,” Shinyun says. “Trust Max. Fuck Asmodeus.”

“This is empty!!” Alec yells.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Magnus bites his lip. “I, um, I kind of have to tell you something.”

Yes yes... tell him... tell him now!!!

No Kadir... whyyyy???????

“You totally came over here to tell us this juicy bit of information hoping we’ll tell Alec, didn’t you?”

He did!!! That hoe with his hoe behavior 🤣🤣

“Maryse, you know it’s more complicated for us,” Magnus sighs. “Alec and I didn't get divorced because we stopped loving each other. We divorced because loving Alec was hurting me and   my pain was hurting Alec.”

😭😭😭😭 I just want them to be happy!!!

“He doesn’t,” Isabelle shakes her head. “Trust me. He is both the smartest and the stupidest man I’ve met.”

Comes with the name! 🥲 like the 🌈

“It means I love, Alec. It means I love him more than I used to. I didn’t know it was possible. But I do.”

“Especially now,” Magnus chuckles. “He is trying so hard. For me. For himself. For our family. Because he loves us. I’ve always loved that about him. I love how much he loves. I love how much he cares. I love how he is never afraid to show it.”

Yes, that's my twin so please Magnus please tell him that you love him, dick him and never ever leave him!!!

“Yeah,” Magnus nods. “Yeah. Okay. I told him I’ll call him tonight.”

Noooo don't do it over the phone!!! Do it in person!!

“Because Alec doesn’t like them.”

LALSLSQÑSLQÑALSLSJAJ!!!! I AM DEAD!!!

“He ate the raisins,” Magnus whispers to himself.

Ay dios mio Daniela!!! Only you can make me cry about raisins 😭

Magnus grabs his coat. “I have to go.”

Yes!!!! Is happening!!!!!!!!!

Oh no I don't like where this is going!! No Magnus come back!!! Do it over the phone!!!

Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOUUUUUU??????

Of all the things I imagined this was NOT one of them!!!

I am not ok 😭

Gracias Dani!! This one is extra long I didn’t know there was a limit to how many gifs I can use (fuck you Tumblr) but there is 🥲

¡Eres la mejor! 💚💚💚💚💚

ALEX!!!

Hola! (that's all for now lol).

These gifs and reactions cracked me up so much.

Okay but my fave thing was you were SUCH a shinyun hoe in this chapter and I HAVE RECEIPTS of you being a shinyun hater at the beginning of tlnd.

Your growth is the best growth in this fic 😝

#tlnd

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[confessions-official]

[suicide; abuse]

Last couple years of my life has been hell. i’ve finally reached my mental limit where I can’t take anymore of this. I spent 2020 and 2021 in held hostage in my own home by a physically and emotionally abusive roommate who actually tortured me. I was separated from everybody during that time, and everyone I knew got turned against me. Then I had to deal with death threats from them as well. I didn’t experience any form of improvement Even after I got free. all I wanted after that with someone who is safe and someone who cared. After what I’ve been through I’m a little too fucking damaged to go everything alone when the entire world wants to kill me. I just want one person who cares about me it isn’t going to run off that’s it but everyone I’ve encountered has been just like her or worse I had a stalker. The cops didn’t take it seriously. I’ve had people send me death threats. I have been nearly raped multiple times. 

Now I am in a city where I don’t know anybody or I’m afraid I’m going to lose the only person who gives a shit about me. I’m afraid that person doesn’t care about me anymore. I’ve been to therapy and nothing helps with PTSD especially since I don’t have anyone on my side at all anymore. So I have decided that if I don’t see any improvement in my life by January 1, 2025 I’m killing myself. I even have it saved on my phones calendar as D-Day.

I am probably going to buy a gun. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and studying online, trying to figure out, which is the most efficient angle to shoot from so that I don’t end up still alive afterwards. That’s all the money in my savings account is for Because I’m actually not betting on things getting better.

.

#confession #suicide #rape #abuse

[jovalencia]

good morning team. as promised here is my Very serious fanf movie review. there will be spoilers if anybody cares about that type of thing. also this review is messy as hell and I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about

the first thing I’ll say is that it was not a good movie. it was like. pretty boring actually. but at the end of the day this was the fucking five nights at freddy’s movie and I love fnaf and I have since I was 10 and I was seeing it with four people I love so it was a fun time. like seriously we were fucking Losing it in the back of the theater. the worst part was that everybody else was just sitting there like 🪑 as if the movie wasn’t hilarious. with the exception of when matpat came on the screen and everybody in the theater turned to whoever they were with and went “what the fuck.” in the car on the way there my sister’s friend was like “there’s gonna be a matpat cameo there has to be” and I was like “no there’s not man don’t be ridiculous” but when that motherfucker came on screen I nearly went up to the front of the theater and killed myself in front of everybody. okay that’s dramatic but I did turn to my sisters friend (four people away) and say “I’m gonna fucking killing you” way louder than I intended and I’m sure everybody in the theater wanted to kill Me and it wouldn’t be the last time. because as I said we were the only ones in that theater having fucking Fun I thought the energy in there was going to be electric but no. whatever at least we were having a good time being annoying and losing our Mind whenever anybody coughed up in the back right corner.

but as for the actual movie again. yeah it was boring. idk. like not much really happened and the Big Moment where the kids killed william afton was so underwhelming. the whole thing was underwhelming. but I did like the movie. I’ve loved the games forever and I was so excited to see all the animatronics get up and move around and be silly and have a good time. mike doing all that lucid dreaming stuff while completely neglecting his job was fun and I Love some good guilt over the loss of a sibling so I enjoyed. throughout the whole movie I kept turning to my friend and saying “this is just like lilo and stitch” because it literally fucking was and nobody’s talking about it. that’s a good thing for the record. one of my fav moments in the whole movie is actually when abby thinks mike is gonna transfer custody to the aunt so she goes into her room and scribbles out mike’s face in all the pictures she’s so real for that. speaking of abby I do have to wonder why the kids chose Her to. I want to say torment but that doesn’t work and neither does the word groom. pick on? single out? seek out? idk maybe it was just because she’s the sister of the (presumed) first victim garrett but who’s to say.

okay let’s talk game comparisons :) I actually really liked that the movie took place in a timeline separate from the games it made the movie a lot more compelling to somebody who knows the game lore very well. one detail I Loved is how they didn’t say mike’s last name at All until the final fight with william like it wanted to keep us guessing as to whether his last name was schmidt or afton. I wish the movie had taken place in the fnaf 2 pizzeria so we could see balloon boy and puppet and who there’s chica but that would have just been Too Much so I get it. also did the animatronic they tried to shove abby in lion like a biddybab or was I going crazy? if it was biddybab does that imply the existence of circus baby’s pizza world? because they were clearly setting this movie up for a sequel and I would Love to see circus baby. anyways I’m kind of obsessed with the the way they sort of switched up the roles of the kids. in a way. like. okay this next part is going to be really annoying. so it’s like the afton family was vanessa and william and the emily family was like the schmidt family with mike abby and garrett. like garrett was effectively the charlie since he was the first and since I know the games I have to assume he “gave life” to the other missing children by having their souls live on in the animatronics. garrett was Also an evan figure because his brother like accidentally caused his death and couldn’t save him. but mike was also a puppet/charlie figure because of how he was helping abby the whole movie. okay maybe that’s tenuous. but abby was Also like charlie because she helped put the souls to rest by helping them realize that william was evil. but she was also like elizabeth because she kept going to the animatronics despite the clear warnings etc. vanessa was a mike like character because she was the child of the serial killer and was trying to do her best to atone for her fathers sins but ultimately sucked at it. and mike is like michael in the way that he Is michael also he feels immense guilt over the death of his brother that he “caused” the death of through negligence. they all have to prove that they’re not a bad person for things that happened outside of their control when they were children. idk where I was really going with that but I was thing about that a Lot during the movie.

this deserves its own paragraph but vanessa wants to be betty cooper so baddddd sorry there’s only one girl with a blonde ponytail and a serial killer dad that I support. vanessa could never even Dream of being betty.

back to the actual movie I feel like I would have liked it if it was gorier. one of the stand out moments for me was max the babysitter getting bitten in half and when mike escapes getting shoved in a suit and finds all of their bodies because it was genuinely pretty creepy. could have been scarier but whatever it’s fine. all that being said tho the movie was visually stunning (to me) and the actors were great and I fucking liked it. it was funny and it was a good time and yeah maybe it would have been better on 1.5 speed but you can’t have everything.

and I think I was able to enjoy it more than everybody else (aside from my sister) that I talked to about it because they were like “I spent the whole movie trying to figure out where in the timeline it took place!” but I went in knowing that it didn’t take place in the game timeline at all which probably saved the movie for me.

okay I think that’s all it’s not even morning anymore bye

#carmen.txt