#I’m also glad my type in men is still kind of the same

[pupmkincake2000]

Characters study?

Since I play as Gale, I wanted to look at relationships from his side and from my own, since I think that Gale and I have very similar beliefs regarding relationships.

Don't get me wrong, I love Halsin,

he's an incredibly kind and caring teddy bear, but being in a relationship with him is not for everyone. And there are moments in the conversation with him that were very unpleasant for me. But I’m glad that he warned me in advance how he perceives a relationship with someone.

Yes, there are many people who are into polyamorous relationships, but I don’t think Gale is one of them, despite the opportunity to sleep with Halsin even when playing as Gale (I think that in this case some lines should not be available at all as it was with the Dark Urge, when you cannot resist your nature, even when playing a good character).

Now I will explain why.

Halsin honestly admits that monogamy is not for him. He considers us someone special, in fact, declares his love, but immediately says that we are not that special at all and he, even having entered into a relationship with us, will still be free to sleep with other people.

His words are not a lie, but they seem to contradict each other.

That is... there are more people who want to be something special, who want exclusivity from those they are dating than those who would prefer polyamory, I believe. In the case of Halsin, you will simply be just one of his huge number of lovers, and, perhaps, in another couple of decades, he will say those words about love and specialness to someone else, as he spoke to us. It's not mine cup of tea, to be honest. I am a selfish person, and I would like to be special for someone I love. And I really didn’t like that Halsin, without even knowing whether such a relationship suits me, says he hopes to sleep with the person I am dating too. This remark made me understand that although Halsin is still my type of men in appearance and character, he absolutely does not fit into my understanding of relationships, love and specialness. Let me remind you, I play Gale's origin and I am sure that Gale would also refuse and be disappointed.

Just like Astarion. And I will now explain why.

Literally Gale's entire problem and trauma is based on the fact that he wants to be loved,

he wants to be cared for, seen, considered special (which in the case of Halsin will be impossible), he wants to be visible and significant. I know that playing his origin you are still able to choose any lines but... if you play Tav and romance him, Gale does not agree to share his love with someone else and does not agree to be shared too. I believe that Gail is monogamous, and not just monogamous, but he won't allow the thought that his loved one could be with someone else or that he himself could be with someone else while already being in a relationship. Such people rarely fall in love, they are like the wolves Halsin spoke about, who choose a lover for the rest of their lives. And no, I don’t think Mystra was such a lover. I'm sure Gale wants in a relationship not so much exclusivity, but to have something of his own. Something that no one can take away from him. Someone only his.

The same story with Astarion.

He hasn’t had anything of his own for 200 years, and despite his mannerisms and flirting with everyone, he also wants to have something of his own, something that no one will take away from him, and something that will belong to him and to no one else. He is also desperately looking for someone who will be his. Only his. Yes, he agrees to a threesome, he agrees to share his lover with Halsin, but he clearly does not want this and agrees only because he is afraid of losing his love. He refuses to have sex with the drow twins, and if you agree, he will most likely end the romance with you. He is very afraid of not satisfying his lover; he wants to be desired and loved. He and Gale are very much alike when it comes to the relationship, although their reactions are different. Both want exclusivity. One speaks about it directly, the second one shouts about it with his behavior and body language.

I think that's why I love the ship so much.

They both want the same thing, they just express their desires differently.

#bg3 halsin #halsin #bg3 #bg3 gale #bg3 astarion #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #astarion ancunin #astarion x gale #bloodweave #baldur's gate 3 #astarion

[kosmicdream]

Please don’t think of me as a male artist.

..is what i used to feel, for many years, even when I finally came out as trans. In a way, its one of the factors that kept me from pursuing HRT (which im so glad i finally did.) After only one year, my feeling on this hasn’t evaporated completely but i suppose I kind of don’t care anymore about how I am interpreted, as a person/artist, ect.. It isn’t something i can be in control of anyway, which upsets me less than it used to.

Sometimes in the past, the way i write characters has often been analyzed by the gender I am, or appear to be - that my male characters were written like how a woman writes men (too emotional/vulnerable, ect) , or how my female characters are written thoughtlessly- like how a man would. (too horny, stupid, violent, ect.) Its not a new way to analyze a story but I can’t say that it doesn’t annoy me. It could still be true that my characters/writing could fall into sexist/problematic archetypes, but gendering my work based on the way my characters act always reminds me of the “you draw like a girl/boy” comments, which used to be more frequent when i was a teen.. But the idea that boys = angular, good at cars! Or something and girls are, i dunno, gonna draw sexy anime men or something. Even as a teenager, i hated this idea that my art was “girl art.” Truthfully, i always viewed my art and myself as an artist as genderfluid, maybe even a type of drag performance, where i can explore any gender and not be limited by my body, it was my escape from that. Which naturally, it became my place to explore gender presentation and eventually helped me “crack my egg” of realizing i was a trans man.

I do think its important to reflect or regard my work as the art made by a trans man, or transmasculine person. I feel more and more just like “just a dude” these days. I am also a gay man. I think those things are important to my work. I think that the analysis of my work in regards to my identity as a person is important to reflect on. I also think the steps I took to get there were important, that transformation and my continued exploration of my older selves and more “label-less” self in the art i make. That’s a private space for me, that I happen to share with the world too. I feel the audience is part of my work too, I welcome it even. I have become part of the audience too and I look at my work as if I’m also a stranger. The older my work gets, the more of it I can study, the more I can see plainly how I got here and also it feels so confusing how it did. I try to study my art to help me find where I want to go to next, a map to guide me. 

In some ways, I feel more lost than I did before, where all my instinct was pushing me was just to grow and explore as much as possible. Now, I don’t have that same type of energy that I used to. Its not a bad thing, its just different. There’s a sense of duty and commitment and a sense of dread of the time it takes to do what I feel compelled to do on this step of my journey. I am trying to focus more on the things I used to think I was incapable of before and I’m trying to remember the things I used to think were so effortless. I can tell my art is sharper but it feels almost like a mimicry of my older selves - at least when I revisit old work to continue its journey past where its been frozen in time. Comics take a long time, after all, it's normal that after a few years - a story might be yours, but it feels like it belongs to the past of you too, maybe more than it does in the present. I like the commitment I have to my comics though, its not a burden to me. The feeling is strange anyway. 

I tend to think that 1-3 years of a project being made, those are the honeymoon years of the relationship. But you hit a wall in 4-5 years and sometimes you’re in denial about it, you try to keep the dreams and feeling alive as you drag it forward, and sometimes the project really reaches its end around 8-10 years and it becomes a type of empty promise to return to it. Not that this is true for every artist, every project, ect. But I think its a natural lifespan for comics that I’ve observed, and it's because it is uncomfortable to face morality and the morality of our own art. Art is this escape, and when it becomes a job - or an uncomfortable mirror into these things about ourselves, about our failures and promises we couldn’t manage to make, the pressures of the audience, the boredom of the task if you have already told yourself the story a thousand times and you have no longer a desire to continue it, ect - its a normal and natural feeling to want to drop it off a cliff. Blow it up, start over fresh - I know the feeling! Its happened many times. But its kind of temporary? Then, it cycles back to nostalgia - and the desire to create and recreate and reform the past to something tangible again.. uh

Sorry, sorry.. I am getting far from the point I started with. Not that any of this makes too much sense, I feel like writing it anyway. It bothers me that the fantasy of art to me, is the ability to dissolve yourself and stop existing, you are the creator creating. You don’t need to be confined by, really anything. It is in “your control” now, and you surrender your own control by falling into the art and letting it “lead you” places. This is a very seductive process and while it might temporarily be fulfilling (even when done for a lifetime) cannot really.. What.. completely fill the void of whatever you’re chasing down there? Its nice though. At least, when I think about when i first started drawing comics, it was to draw Vash the Stampede (from the original 98 anime series, i hate the new one. We’re not talking about there here) coming out of my television after a thunderstorm and he had to just live in my house now. It was the closest thing I could do to actually manifesting that as reality, of making this amazing anime husband come to life to just like live with me now and be my boyfriend. In a lot of ways I don’t see my pursuit of writing ocs, specifically male ones, really much different from this same desire of like “i can just make my perfect boyfriend!” born out of the loneliness I felt in my heart, and the fear that there is no boyfriend out there for me so i need to frankenstein my own - and this boyfriend will be poifect in every way. Or like, crafting the perfect “relationship” in replace the lack of one, or just the fantasy of watching very abstract extremes come to life in various puppets i crafted, beating the shit out of each other for entertainment. But to subject all these.. Abstract Internal conflicts as simply like a “boy author thing” or “girl author thing” is like.. Tiring. Are we really not past that? (Of course not.) 

Like there’s some hidden truth to the way someone might write/draw, the way that “makes sense” in retrospect once the identity of the author is analyzed and discovered.. How can you make sense of the self, let alone the other .. and In a way that’s permanent? And gendered? Does art now have an inherent sex characteristic? But I cannot deny that I do want my art to look and feel like part of who I am, what I have chosen to sexually identify as - a transgender, a man, a faggot. I DO identify as a sexual deviant, but that is hilarious because I have been single for so long at this point I can’t even remember in a tangible way what that felt like and I question if I ever felt it or experienced it “for realsies” because of the experiences I have had or havent didn’t feel very fulfilling or romantic, despite that being something I desire so much - and so I feel like a failure. And to create art just based on the fantasy of desire rather than the lived reality, can it even really display what that would actually be like. So its embarrassing, right? 

I have worked on my art a lot and I have often thought, or come to the conclusion (true or not) that my singleness is the result of my pursuit and dedication to art - which is the pursuit of self isolation and protection from harm. From influence, from acknowledging that life can exist and someday end. And when you work on projects for years and years, the pride/shame dichotomy only gets more.. Weird. It gets weird, guys! It always was weird, but.. I just think about so many my heroes, my art inspirations, working decades on their art.. I follow in their footsteps too and it feels scarier and lonelier than I expected it to be. And the more and more I realized that as a reality, as my 20s faded away, the more I kept walking. I wasn’t gonna stop now, even if I could, I don’t want to and its not hard to do other things too. I have a slower pace than I used to (thank god) and gets slower but I’m still moving. 

I don’t post or write my little art journals as much as I used to. Mostly cause I don’t really have anything good to say and it kinda feels embarrassing to post them too LOL. But.. whatever!! Its been a weird four months of me being off work and I’m about to go back to being a normal working person again.. But its like, its weird to tell people about your art when they ask about what you do. Its like “oh yeah, i draw webcomics” and they wont get it, you’ll say - “yeah its 8,000 pages long” and they’ll say, “thats a lot!” and it is. They’re very nice about it, but there’s a lack of satisfaction there with what that means. I don’t expect it, that’d be dumb as hell. Its nice to take a break from it too, to discover other sides of myself I never let shine because i stayed indoors for a decade, but its a weird feeling too. Like, what will it mean in the end? I don’t really know. 

I don’t think I need “success” to feel like this was worth it, its not like a trophy is gonna come in the mail for the good workTM I’ve done - there is no closure to the work I make even when a story finishes. I have to keep going regardless of that, and its strange to know it won’t ever feel done. But I am so thirsty for that temporary itch to be scratched, it keeps me working every day for the “maybe” of what that might feel like. Kinda silly, really. Is it my “male” pride that demands recognition? Would respect be given more freely if I had “remained” to be perceived as a woman, for subverting the expectations for what a woman can/can’t write? (lol) Is my value as a person determined by that sort of thing in my art? I don’t think of my pride as gendered, but I know its there and I know because of who I say I am, my pride will be gendered by others. I think when I was a woman, that pissed me off more than now because.. Well.. I wasn’t even living as the way i wanted to. I still don’t really live as the way I want to, the way I want to be perceived, but even being on HRT for a little more than 1 year, without much else lifestyle changes, I feel a little more at peace not mattering what others will take away from me or what i write about. I have a lot of my own expectations for myself and what i write about and that concerns me far more. 

I don’t really know how else to end this, I’m going to eat chocolate now. Oh, to answer your question (?) if you might have this one: can I think of you as a male artist, kosmic? sure. I am one after all.

#whoops! long post #its very rambly sorry #webcomics

[underacalicosky]

A little while back, @somethingsteff posted about the Dr. Squatch Star Wars soaps that she found. I couldn’t find them at any stores near me, but I did find a set on Amazon (I got the Prequel edition, there’s also a Sequels edition) and it happened to be on sale for Black Friday so I ordered one as a fun holiday gift for the fam.

Do you want to know what Obi-Wan smells like? Here’s a quick review of this set in case anyone might want to get these for the Star Wars fan in their life themselves.

This is what it looks like when you open the box. It’s actually quite nice for a soap set, I think? I don’t usually buy collector’s sets of soaps though.

Here’s an closer look at the soap boxes. The Dark Side Scrub (Vader) and Ruthless Rinse (Maul) have some exfoliating scrub to them.

This is what’s under the soaps. I thought it was kind of cool that they had the lightsabers. However, kind of miffed that they had Obi-Wan as a Jedi Knight instead of Master. Somewhere in the galaxy, Vader is laughing.

I took them out of the box to let them breathe overnight and trimmed a small piece to test each of them out.

Wisdom Wash (Yoda) - This is the most mildly scented of the set. It’s a bit earthy (but not like a swamp) and my kids thought it smelled like tea leaves. It’s something that you might get as a hotel soap. It lathers well, doesn’t have any grit, and I think most people would find it pleasant. It leaves a faint scent on your hands that’s pretty true to what the bar smells like. The kids say this is their favorite in the set.

Dark Side Scrub (Vader) - This soap is a little stronger smelling than Yoda’s. It’s a smoky scent and a bit like burnt bacon. They did our boy dirty! It lathers well and the grit is barely noticeable. But it doesn’t leave the smell of bacon on your hands after you wash with it. It’s still a little smokey and spicy, not a “fresh” kind of smell and not really “woodsy” either, but I don’t mind it.

Only Hope Soap (Obi-Wan) - This is the strongest smelling soap in the set. It’s clean and fresh, leading me to believe this is pre-desert hut era Obi-Wan. It’s definitely a “men’s” soap type scent. It’s very smooth, no grit, and leaves a strong scent on your hands that’s true to what the bar smells like. This is probably my favorite out the bunch.

Ruthless Rinse (Maul) - This soap isn’t as strong smelling as Obi-Wan’s, it’s maybe on par with Vader’s. It’s spicy and sharp and very “men’s” deodorant smelling. There’s noticeable grit that’s nice for exfoliating and the it leaves a spicy scent on your hands that’s similar to what the bar smells like. I would say that this almost smells the same on my hands as the Vader soap.

Overall, this was a fun gift! I’m not sure I would’ve gotten it if it hadn’t been on sale (and I got it with my subscribe and save delivery so there was an extra discount), but I’m glad that I did. The box it comes in is really nice and the kids are having a lot of fun with it. I left the slices of soap in the bathroom and everytime they wash their hands I have to guess which one they used lol.

#random thoughts #i’m doing soap reviews now

[builtbybrokenbells]

Hi t!! I just read Reaching New Heights and I've never liked a fic so fast. Bless that anon for sending the ask and thank you for making it come true in the best way. I have to admit I'm a sucker for soft virginity/first time trope, maybe because it's something I've never had. It's so soft and sweet and smoking hot all at the same time and the epitome of fictional men written by women (I mean this as a compliment and I'd choose fictional men over men in real life any day, duh) it instantly reminds me of the episode on Unwaxed podcast where Emily Morse talked about how some so many portrayal of sex scenes in movies and stuff aren't realistic like women actually need time to properly warm up and it's just not realistic for them to have an orgasm in two minutes in an elevator or something. I mean we can all dream in fictional world, but it's just awesome from time to time to read something that has the proper build up (the part with the kisses rather than just rushing into it....top tier writing) I saw dee reblogs it with the tag "men take notes" and I 🙌🙌🙌 I am on my period and anxious as f^ck because of a task I have for tomorrow but coming cross this piece of art feels like a kiss on the forehead. bless your heart for making a stranger feel so soft, mushy, and happpy that she cries a little....THANK YOU SO MUCH. (I am sorry if this is long and TMI, I'm sorry if this sounds awkward....lqiudghxiy I just really need to say it out loud because it's just soooooo goooooood)

Hello, lovely 🤍 let me just say, your words have kept a smile on my face all day long. I wanted to take a minute to formulate a proper response, because you have no idea how appreciative I am for you!

I have also found myself enjoying the virginity/first time trope, and I tend to believe that it’s because my first time was nothing short of awful (and that’s putting it… lightly) and I have spent my entire life dreaming of fictional men that would treat me better than real life men.

I was so nervous to post it, as well as Picasso, which I posted some time ago, now. It was my way of airing out my desire for someone who treated me well, yet I still recognized that first time fics are very difficult to write well. I also fear that with a request like such, that I cannot capture the readers vision as clear or well as they would like me to.

As I posted it and read some messages and comments, I realized that there’s a lot more people who have had the same types of experiences and feelings about the topic than I originally thought. To hear that this made you feel such a way makes me incredibly happy, and I cannot express my gratitude enough.

As for the details, sometimes I feel like it’s easy to forget the build up in lieu of the main event. Especially when there’s so many fics out there that are hot, and exceptionally well written. I hate to say that I did end up cutting out quite a bit of stuff from the main draft, and now that I read this, it makes me feel as though I should have left it. To know that was the part that stuck out with you makes me incredibly happy, because it stuck out to me, too. (I swear I could write a novel about good foreplay and only that, because that’s how much it means to me.)

Good banter and build up are just as essential as the main event to me while creating a scene, as well as a relationship to the story. In a world where it’s normalized for men to leave women unfulfilled, I think it’s quite important to focus on that more than anything else, especially in these types of fics.

I am so grateful for your kindness, and for everyone else who took time to leave a comment. Messages like this and people like you are the reason I come on here and share my work, and I would not be here without your support. Thank you so much for brightening my day, and I’m so glad that my writing could bring you so much joy.

I hope your task tomorrow goes well, and thank you again for being my shred of happiness for the day 🤍

#anon <3 #asks <3 #gvf #jake kiszka #greta van fleet #jake gvf #jake kiszka gvf #jake kiszka fluff #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka smut #sam kiszka #sam gvf #danny wagner #josh gvf #gvf fic #danny gvf #builtbybrokenbells

[kagoutiss]

First of all!!! Congrats on your comic it's so super good!!! I've been rotating it in my mind since reading it like a dungeon boss key!!! So, semi-related: I remembered tags on something you posted a while back discussing Sheik's gender, and I have to say I would be *so* interested in your 40 pages single-spaced thesis about Ganondorf gender (having a billion thoughts about this myself, I'm so incredibly curious about your own take). Only if you feel like it of course!

thank you sm i’m glad to hear it!!! also i remember the tags you’re talking about— so it did NOT end up being a 40 pg thesis, but i DID actually try to draft something like that a while back since a couple people asked me to follow up on it, and then i did not follow up on it, but now that you brought it up again it gave me a chance to look back over my attempted Ganondorf Gender Essay and clean it up a bit, so! here’s my 2 cents! (thank u anon for reminding me!!)

so i’ll start with some of my personal interpretations about gender in gerudo society; this includes the idea that 1) the gerudo don’t have an inherently binary perception of gender, or really an inherent concept of gender at all, and 2) if not for the emphasis that hyrule places on the authority of Kings, then ganondorf might not be described as the One Male among his own kind at all. i’ll try to explain what i mean by this.

by default, i think in ganondorf’s society there is (or at least would be, if not for their complicated relationship with the neighboring kingdom) less of a perception of him being a Man distinct from the Women of his race, and more a view of him just…having been born a very rare type of child, who could be conveniently recognized as a kingly authority by hyrule’s definition. and this is in the context of OoT, in which hyrule has recently absorbed the last independent territory (Gerudo Valley) after the end of a centuries-long war (which is described as having ‘united’ the races of hyrule. which sounds like textbook imperialism and manifest destiny ideology, but anyway). so having been fighting directly with the kingdom of hyrule for several decades, if not centuries, to maintain their independence and some semblance of land & resources, it may have ended up being useful to take into account hyrule’s definition of men & kingly leadership. the gerudo have this special child born every century, in context it might’ve been convenient to start saying ‘if this child can fit hyrule’s definition of a king, so we could at least have one of our own to rival theirs, then so be it. this child is a blessing amidst this conflict and he fits their definition of a king, so that’s how he’ll be raised.’

that being said, i don’t see ganondorf as being inherently male, or all other gerudo as inherently female? this is really just headcanon, but i like to think there are no gendered pronouns in the gerudo language during OoT, and the induction of words like ‘voe’ and ‘vai’ may have initially referred to hylian concepts of sexual dimorphism that became gradually more incorporated into gerudo culture over time. at the same time, i also think, after generations of these two nations being at war, while simultaneously having one be reliant on the other for procreation, the binarism of hylian society would imprint itself on the gerudo in some ways (though not at all in a foundational way). as in, there is a greater understanding about hylian ideas of sex & gender, and associations are made, and it does affect gerudo culture, but the gerudo are still inherently different in terms of how they perceive people, and it isn’t necessarily as Male / Female. and gerudo people don’t perceive themselves as being All Female with One Male— though they’re aware that this is the Hylian perception, and it does benefit them at times to work and communicate within those restraints.

i think ganondorf, as a result, does not really perceive himself as being inherently male, and he doesn’t perceive his fellow gerudo as being conversely female. internally he still thinks about gender as being…mostly a convoluted hylian invention that he’s had to vigorously study and mold himself to. i think growing up he probably had to learn a LOT about hylian society and what defines a man/king other than biology; he understands on an anthropological level what makes a hylian a woman or a man, and that it’s social & behavioral as well as biological, so (at least around hylians) he tends to be a little bit. idk. hypermasculine? while working to suppress behaviors that might break that perception. i think he also deeply despises having to monitor his own behaviors in this way.

for pronoun stuff, i don’t think he particularly minds being referred to as a ‘he,’ like he’s probably used to being called a he in hylian even among his own people when that’s the tongue being spoken. and i think the gerudo might also mess around with hylian pronouns since they can be a bit arbitrary, like it would make sense if plenty of gerudo other than ganondorf used he/him for themselves or switched between different pronouns. i don’t think ganondorf would necessarily care if someone she/her’d him either, though among hylians, he would definitely be able to tell if it was meant to be mocking. and that could be insulting on different levels— namely if they’re attempting to degrade the other 99% of his population, and projecting hylian gender stereotypes/stigmas onto people it really isn’t even applicable to, and also attempting to criticize ganondorf himself for being too effeminate, too similar to the ‘women’ of his race. which may be a common attitude among hylians who think someone of ganondorf’s sex, rank, and physical stature should be far removed from feminine behaviors.

but obviously, this has no bearing on him aside from constraining his behaviors & appearance in the public eye, before he comes to power. i do not think he cares on a personal level what anyone thinks of him, and would only measure said behaviors & appearances insofar as it helps him achieve his goals. this is also just a headcanon, but i like the idea that ganondorf grows his hair out after the 7-year timeskip in OoT because he’d originally had to cut it short sometime after surrendering to hyrule, knowing he’d have to start appealing to hylian sensibilities if he was going to get very far as a vassal to the king. he may have had very long hair prior, and only grew it out again after the coup.

so. i think he has a complex relationship with gender that is based in gerudo social conventions, and then complicated heavily by hylian social conventions. to me, ganondorf doesn’t view himself as being a man per se, but he does view himself as being a sort of redefinition (or even a bastardization) of the hylian idea of a man/king? he’ll call himself a King while behaving precisely as he wishes, especially if it will ruffle any feathers who’d deem him otherwise effeminate or unbefitting of the title. because ultimately, none of that terminology means a goddamn thing to him and he’s probably sick of having to constrain himself to these imaginary rules that were entirely imposed upon him.

i think ganondorf encompasses a lot of traits that could be defined as very masculine & very feminine at the same time. i feel like if my ganondorf had to actually choose a gender he identified more with, like from the Hylian Gender Mythos, he might lean more towards the idea of women? and part of that may also be because his lived experience has been defined by Having To Be A Man? and plenty of other gerudo might identify more with stereotypically male traits, it just depends. but he also likes being called a King and encompassing that role regardless of gender, and uses he/him pronouns anyway. i call him a girl a lot and i’m not joking when i say that, i mean sometimes he really is like a butch goth girl to me??? i’m also a bit sentimental about the idea of the gerudo being ‘all women’ in a case where ganondorf isn’t considered to be an exception to that, even if his biology is unique. but i also think he would generally see hylian binarism as very silly and that he’d love to make a mockery of it. i’m running out of thoughts so i’ll just end this here lol

#ask #txt #ganondorf #tldr. he thinks hylian gender binarism is stupid and likes messing with it #and he can be a woman and a man and whatever and he hopes ppl die mad about it

[inqilabi]

I’m kind of surprised you started dating a lot more and are open to Islam recently, you’re one of the reasons I stopped entirely, which neither is a wrong thing to do. It’s kind of hard to do it alone but I just prioritized friendships in the time I’ve been following you. Which actually is closer to 10 years now I think, definitely since way before the pandemic. Anyway it’s just been on my mind to send this ask for a while now, you seem so successful that when I get to be where you are I know I’ll be even less interested in marriage and dating, but I guess that’s also a plus for you since you said you want kids. Good luck with it all, It’s great you were able to reconcile yourself and Islam, I’ve never felt like religion could be fulfilling, especially when you have views on gender and politics that go again the core tenants of a patriarchal religion. But I can see how the immediate community has its appeal and people are judged overly harshly when they don’t conform to societal and gender expectations of be a woman/man then have a partner/kids, and it’s not like there aren’t other good things too. Anyway I’m glad I followed you when I did because I got a new perspective and it made me more of a brave, accountable person, I’m not really afraid of being lonely and I can take accountability for my wrongs too, knowing that socialization is so deep I need to think about why and what I’m doing. You a few other people impacted me so deeply when I was 16 and trying to leave my parents home

wow this is a very sweet message. But almost makes feel scared that i had an impact on impressionable young teens I dont think my views on Islam have changed, certainly not as much as my view on dating. I still have the same criticisms of sunni jurisprudence. I think i just have less of exposure to that community now as i did back in the day, and it just use to rile me up. I was just angry, justifiably so, and wanting to dismiss everything - and it showed up in the tone of my writing.

I mean i still can't go around muslim events saying the things i actually believe. Sunni jurisprudence is undeniably patriarchal. But so long as they aren't like getting very preachy, doing halaqas and sermons on how to oppress women, im okay. In my uni days, MSAs were actually doing exactly that. That's why i was so critical. But i see now this type of thing seems to be dying down, atleast in my area. i dont find religion fulfilling but i do find likeminded people fulfilling. I still associate more with like academic type folks who either research religion, anthropology, write critiques. I went to a party full of marxists the other day. I didnt agree with everyone there. But i suppose, its discussion that's fulfilling. And sometimes muslim community and gathering can be very dismissive and not receptive to discussion. Which is a shame because in the islamic golden age, that's all they were doing.

i was honestly planning to be alone, and my plan was to solo adopt a kid if i wanted a child. I felt this way all the way up until like summer of 2022. then something did change. and i didn't want to be alone. if you had asked the 2013-2022 version of me, i would have balked at the thought of me wanting a partner. I was almost proud of it. Proud of being a single unattached woman with no men in her life. I suppose the only thing I can say now is that it's very hard to predict how and what you will feel and want at some point in the future. I was certain that I wouldn't want companionship and kids. Half my blog was dedicated to it. And that is kind of scary. I actually wrote about this on my blog back in the fall of 2022. It scared me how much something had shifted so suddenly, something that was a such long held state. If that could change, what else could change?

At your age, i would say prioritize career first ofc/financial freedom etc. If you dont have that, you wont feel ready for anything else. And ofc keep expanding your friend circle and forming connections through local activities or travel.

#asks #love mail

[pokemenlovingmen]

Hello! I just read the thing I requested and I LOVE IT!!! While reading, I was thinking about how tall S/O compared to Ingo would be. I live for tall s/o fr and dw! I love it when the story is long, it just gets me motivated to read more! so while I still have the chance, can I request tall, extremely calm, and works at the subway masc s/o with Ingo and Emmet? (it can be poly, Not blank shipping ofc) - 🚆Anon

man y’all REALLY want to have a

relationship huh?

I mean… me too though.

I love it, let’s do it!! I just think these pokeguys have had plenty of time to tower over people… if no one is cooking up big spoon reader content, then I’ll do it myself!

Thank you very much for your request, I love the train men haha. And I’m also very glad you enjoyed my previous piece I made for you!! You’re so kind. I’m still very much feeling my way around, trying to figure out what I want from this blog, and y’all have been so sweet. It’s why I feel bad not writing as frequently as I could! I love you guys, my fellow gay yearners out there, y’all are my brothers lmao. I hope you enjoy this one as much as you did the last! (And maybe one day I’ll figure out not just how long I want my actual posts to be, but these intros as well. Too much free space for me to ramble in lmfaooo.) Since you said S/O, I’m going to write this as an established relationship! Also the submas are written as autistic because I’m autistic and I make the rules. Thouuuugh this did end up a little too focused on the twins’ autism coded behavior and I apologize for that. I got a little too into it. But at the same time you can pry autistic submas out of my cold, dead autistic hands I refuse to write them as anything but

The Pillar of Calm — Ingo and Emmet (separately!) with tall, calm depot agent S/O

Emmet

⚪️ — Well, no matter what, the most important thing you need to know about him is he loves you verrrrry much!

⚪️ — You two met when you transferred to work at Gear Station after your first long-running job at the Magnet Train station in Johto. Definitely a bit of a culture shock, considering battles are a BIG no-no on those trains, but you figured things out pretty quick. One of the most important parts of adjusting to your new job was, of course, meeting the subway masters to get the proper rundown on how things worked around here, and that’s where it started.

⚪️ — Emmet is a ball of hard-to-contain energy that he constantly needs to express via stimming or just moving around, and even if words aren’t his strong suit, he has a woeful amount of things he wants to say. You being the strong silent type who can somehow keep a level head in any situation and seldom expresses anything, it seems like your personalities would clash horrifically. But when breaks were called around Gear Station, you were one of the first faces Emmet saw as he hopped off the Super Double Line, and you being your grounded self was honestly reassuring to be greeted with after all the stimulation the constant battling is. The more you hung out, the more it became apparent Emmet could just find some calm and steady his tremendous energy with you there to ground him. It ended up becoming a bit of a behind-your-back joke around Gear Station as other depot agents took bets on when one of you would finally stop dragging your feet and ask about being more than friends.

⚪️ — But that was a long time ago. This is the now!

⚪️ — In the same fashion that brought you two together in the first place, you’re one of the first depot agents Emmet sees when he hops off the train for breaks or for closing, and he’ll come bouncing up to you when he sees you. Right away you lock arms—Emmet loves all the excitement of his job, without a doubt, but sometimes he can just overload without even realizing it’s happening. But you’re so stable and your arms are so strong, kind of locking himself to you brings him back down to earth from all the battling adrenaline.

⚪️ — It’s funny watching you two walk hand-in-hand, or with locked arms. You have a very stiff and simple stride and as calm as you are, there are no points of tension or parts of your body that just need to move sometimes. Meanwhile Emmet takes those big, toy soldier-like steps with perfectly straight legs and swings his arms so much, so walking together you’re perfectly still save for whatever arm he’s swinging around with his motions. You’re never bothered, though. It’s all very cute and you don’t mind your arm getting a little sore from Emmet just being Emmet. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

⚪️ — It’s okay that he’s not great with his words or that he can’t script when apart from Ingo if he’s around you. He can talk as much as he wants with no expectations of making sense or proper sentence structure or correct tone. You’re so laid back, you don’t mind any of it. You feel pretty special for being one of the only people on earth who can make Emmet comfortable enough to stray from his usual script and just talk and talk.

⚪️ — Carry him!! If you’re strong enough, that is. When you two get home from a long day of work, you’ll often find your arms full of giggling Emmet. He actually really likes to be held, and not many people are as significantly taller than him as necessary to do that. (Part of the reason why he’s attracted to guys, to be honest. Hold him with those big strong arms!)

⚪️ — Did I mention your calmness is really grounding? Because it is. He knows there’s no judgement with you and you aren’t a struggle to read when you take so much in stride. It’s so rare and strange to say, but Emmet feels like he can make mistakes around you. And have those mistakes not be a bad thing, I mean. He’s always heard of mistakes being learning tools, but they’ve always felt so punishing to him, he never knew why anyone would want to learn through messing up. At least, not until he met you and he realized he could flub his words and commit any social faux pas when he interacts with you, because he knows you won’t judge. You’re safe. When he’s with you, the world isn’t so harsh and judgmental, it doesn’t pick him apart so severely for being “weird” and “different”. It’s so liberating, to feel so safe in making mistakes and knowing you’ll still love him at the end of the day.

⚪️ — And for your part, you struggle feeling strong feelings, especially excitement. So when good things happen, Emmet feels the excitement for the both of you, and his energy definitely seeps over to you! With him around, feelings don’t blend together and fade into each other so easily. He never expects you to change, he loves your calmness, and it only brings him even more delight when you do get excited about something, because that something really must be amazing, then!! It’s just so comforting to have Emmet there and watch him emote for the both of you.

⚪️ — Beyond the actual therapeutic, helpful little things about this behavior, it’s also just adorable. You make that well known, because Emmet likes that you think he’s adorable. Him? Really? Even if his smile is creepy and never goes away, or he’s always tense and shaking around, or his eyes seem too blank or glassy, you think he’s cute? He’s rather insecure about his appearance, actually—he’s been called creepy and weird many times before, mostly regarding his smile and his erratic movements, so hearing you like all that about him is just so, so validating!

⚪️ — You better be a good big spoon because Emmet loves snuggling up to you and being in your arms. If you’re having a bad day, though, your height difference won’t stop him from holding you! He’s lived with Ingo his whole life after all, he’s gotten pretty good at reading fairly minimal indicators of mood since he’s used to going off so little so he always knows how you’re feeling.

⚪️ — Expect a lot of quick shows of physical affection. He’ll crush you in a side-hug for exactly two seconds before running off, he’ll bounce onto his toes to kiss you on the cheek, he’ll nuzzle his head into your shoulder before it‘s about time to get off the couch and head for work, he just likes physical affection and squeezes in it whenever possible. He’s just always very busy, and that applies to just his thought process and usual way of conducting himself, too, but you never complain about his style of affection.

⚪️ — Of course you swap train stories and facts! He’s very fascinated hearing about the Magnet Train, Unova really hasn’t got around to utilizing high-speed railways yet. And if you have any questions about the Battle Subway, he’s happy to answer!

⚪️ — Emmet’s a professional, of course, so he’s not going to be all over you at work, but he doesn’t hide your relationship either. If you’re working his line and he gets off the train in time to spot you, he’ll run over and give you a quick peck before heading off to wherever he’s headed.

⚪️ — Since words aren’t his forte, he uses all these quick shows of affection as his “I love you”s. So Emmet has likely seldom or even never said a verbal “I love you” to you, but that’s okay, because you know that’s what every one of his kisses and hugs mean.

⚪️ — If he’s ever getting overstimulated or just plain riled, you give his hand a comforting squeeze that makes everything slow down a bit.

⚪️ — Ingo loves you, by the way (in a platonic sense). He’s delighted to see someone make his brother so happy, and to see Emmet has found someone he doesn’t have to mask with that’s not just him or Elesa. He would do the classic family move and warn you that you better treat Emmet right, but Ingo doesn’t find that warning necessary. He’s seen you working even before you and Emmet got together and knows you’re not at all fickle about your commitments. He’s not worried.

⚪️ — At the end of a long work day, you can expect to find you and Emmet tangled up in each other’s lanky arms and legs, surrounded by all your Pokemon both on and off the bed. And there Emmet will talk and talk, and probably make no sense while he does it, but that’s alright and he’s just happy to spill his thoughts without worrying about how he structures them. He’ll often go until he’s yawning, at which point you shush your beloved conductor and encourage him to maybe go to sleep.

⚪️ — Before burying his face into your chest or stomach, he’ll mumble out a sleepy “well, next stop: dreamland… aaaall aboooard…!” just because he knows it makes you laugh. You’re so stoic, but he absolutely can make you laugh with ease.

⚪️ — He loves that laugh of yours, because hearing it reminds him how free and happy you two are to express yourselves in the safety of one another’s company.

⚪️ — And when you both wake up in the morning and start getting ready for work all over again, Emmet always manages to find some words with so much less effort than it usually takes him as he barges into the bathroom to help you straighten your tie.

“I am Emmet. And you look verrrrry handsome today.”

Ingo

⚫️ — Everything is Emmet’s fault here. I mean… look, he knows that despite what people think, his brother can feel joy and actually feels it quite often, but it can be hard for Ingo to keep up with how upbeat Emmet is and his brother recognizes that as loud as Ingo can get, Ingo is really more built for the quiet and the calm.

⚫️ — (Most of the time. He definitely has his moments, but unlike Emmet he doesn’t have that surplus of energy to always be shaking out. Ingo is just a bit naturally more reserved. He is certainly more verbose than Emmet, but is actually less of a fan of being social than him.)

⚫️ — So knowing he was the personality Ingo spent the most time around, Emmet really got to thinking his brother needed someone who matched his energy levels better. In general, he thinks Ingo needs someone! It makes him verrrry sad, but he knows challengers approach him much more often than Ingo solely because his outward demeanor is more approachable to people. And by god, Emmet is determined to get more people as loud and proud members of the Ingo fan club.

⚫️ — Unceremoniously shoving his poor brother into you, a complete stranger who Emmet deemed to match Ingo’s “vibes”—at their workplace no less!—was probably not the ideal way to go about it, but you guys are dating now so it really is Emmet’s last laugh this time.

⚫️ — Ingo is very quiet and slow with his affection—at least, when he wants to be. There’s a time for words, definitely, but he honestly spins his wheels endlessly when he does talk and considering he has to take charge in that department for both his and Emmet’s sake, he likes being able to wind down with you.

⚫️ — (Definitely not me gay yearning looking up all different types of cuddles but) He likes to sleep in the sweetheart’s cradle position with you. Being nestled in your arms is very comforting for him, and when he can’t sleep, being so close let’s himself get lost in… well, you. He’ll trace his fingers across your skin, just focusing on the texture, listen to your heartbeat as he lays his head on your chest, or bury his head in your side and try and figure out what that body wash you used is supposed to smell like. He can be a restless sleeper, as his mind’s always buzzing every which way, but he always drifts back off eventually when he’s with you.

⚫️ — He does get a little embarrassed about how clingy he can get and how much he wants to be held, though, but you’re just there to love him even if he gets a little flustered about it.

⚫️ — Not huge on PDA because of his self conscious-ness, and NONE at all if you’re at work. This is a professional environment, after all! Of course, you’re so calm and laid back, that’s not an issue for you. Hey, whatever he wants.

⚫️ — Ingo loves his brother, he loves him more than life itself, but despite being identical twins they don’t see eye-to-eye on everything—Emmet’s excitability and energy being something Ingo doesn’t really have. He can get into those moods and does like excitement from time to time, but as much as he adores his job, the constant excitement can be a little much and he can rely on you for some quiet and calm in his life. He doesn’t need to maximize his energy and put on a show to be enough for you.

⚫️ — You’re so quiet, sometimes he worries his lack of volume control upsets you. He’s always so loud, and you’re… not. But you’re okay with him that way, you tell him you understand that’s a hard thing for him to control and the boisterous voice is something you love, anyway. It’s so uniquely him, just something you can hear and smile to yourself about as you think “yep, that’s Ingo”.

⚫️ — Also a bit nervous about publicly being in a relationship, but hey, you’re willing to take it at whatever pace he’s most comfortable with!

⚫️ — You use your height to your advantage, doing stuff that flusters him often—because you know for all his huffing about it, he loves the attention. You swipe his hat sometimes at home and tousle his hair, only to plop it back down all the way over his eyes. You put your arms around his waist when he’s not looking and lift him up, just a little bit—that move is especially useful when Ingo is overworking himself, because he’s literally powerless in that situation and will just hang there, defeated while you carry him somewhere else like you’re a child with an oversized teddy bear.

⚫️ — You and Emmet are some of the only people who can get a real smile out of him. He absolutely still enjoys himself and feels a good amount of joy daily, he just seldom smiles to express it. But you and Emmet are both capable of pushing him into such a good mood, the corners of his mouth twitch up a little bit into his unique half-smile. (Ingo is very self conscious about how unnatural it looks, but you think he’s adorable and it kills him a little every time when you compliment his smile in spite of him growing up hating it. So with how good of a mood he already has to be in in order to get that tiny smile in the first place, that mood only soars higher once you start complimenting said smile. Very pleasant situation he can get himself stuck in.)

⚫️ — Will happily invite you to join him for safety checks on his lines, and even though he’s very much a “no romantic interactions at work” kind of guy, he’s guaranteed to happily infodump about the trains if it’s just the two of you. He’s thankful you’re such a good listener.

⚫️ — One of his favorite shows of affection to you is kissing the back of your hand, especially to say goodbye whenever you need to part ways—and no, he definitely doesn’t go after your hand because he can’t reach your face.

⚫️ — I feel like both he and Emmet need regular reminders to take care of themselves, but Ingo is definitely the more stubborn one in that department, at least when it comes to the business/paperwork side of running the Battle Subway. Emmet throws every ounce of his energy into the battles he loves so much and is so tired by the end of the day, Ingo doesn’t want to make him do it! But in convincing him to step away from work, he’ll at least begrudgingly listen to you.

⚫️ — The only time Ingo’s voice is at its true quietest is at night, when you two are laying next to each other in bed. Your fingers running through his hair, his hand laced with yours, you’re used to him half-consciously mumbling about his feelings when he’s close to falling to sleep, because Ingo’s a sentimental dork and the sleepier he gets, the harder it is for him to hold back rambling like an idiot. He can’t help it! He compensates for his lack of physical emoting by always outright stating what he’s feeling and thinking—at least, most of the time—and though he’s never dishonest about how strong his feelings for you are, a tired Ingo is the sappiest Ingo.

“Mmh… I love you… so much…”

“I love you too, Ingo.”

“I’m so… lucky to have a man like you in my life…”

“You’re sweet.”

“I just love you so much…! With all of my heart…”

“I do too, Ingo. But you should go to sleep now, really.”

#pokemon x reader #ingo x reader #emmet x reader #pokemon male reader #emmet x male reader #ingo x male reader #blankshippers dni I’ll actually bite you and not let go <3 #🚆

[sharpth1ng]

I just want to say that 4th of July bath scene in Debaser is so perfect that if I can’t come I think about it at 90% chance and come immediately

Also seeing erotic/porn stuff with body as mine (I’m trans masc hi) not being fetishized but just simply hot is really important for me. Like it’s always tranny body/boy toy or whatever bullshit they call it and it portray trans body’s as something unnatural or exciting experience not human being. I’m sick of that. You want too see something with your body type and they attack you with “you just toy” bullshit (don’t get me wrong, I don’t kink shame toy fetish or how it can be called). So yeah treat it as big thank you from fellow trans

(sorry if it’s un-readable but I’m not native English, I’m dyslexic it’s 4am and I’m kinda drunk so I’m not sure if any of this make any sense)

First of all, this totally makes sense don't worry about it!

Thank you for the compliment on the 4th of July scene, honestly I'm still really proud of that one. I feel like I really nailed the build and release of tension with that one.

Also I'm really glad my writing felt affirming <3 its far from the first time I've said this but I wrote the trans version of Debaser because I was tired of the way I was seeing transmasc people presented in sexual situations. Even when it's not fetishizing trans bodies in an uncomfortable way I find a lot of erotica featuring trans men focuses heavily on dysphoria, insecurity and difference, and that's definitely a real experience for a lot of transmascs but it isn't the only one by far and I felt sort of starved for a different kind of representation. It can be disheartening to look for smut featuring people with your body when so much of it presents the same kind of experience over and over, and theres so little of it to begin with.

So yeah, thank you for reading and for the lovely comment <3

#trans billy loomis #debaser fanfic #ask

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi! Question, how to be a good friend? I am recently trying to be friends with women, since I have always been friends with men. And I lacked the emotional intelligence and vulnerability aspect which I’m still working on. It’s been difficult to become a friend and keep friendships now since I’ve lost many women based friendships because they were cruel to me and bullied me and put me down. I didn’t realize it was so bad til I expressed it to family and they snapped me out of my denial. How can I be friends with high value women and be a good friend? I want to also reciprocate my good values and I’m unsure how to since I’ve been so traumatized and taken advantage of by past women based friendships. Hope that makes sense! Thank you :)

Hi love! You sound very self-aware, and it sounds like you've made tremendous progress in learning how to be vulnerable/express your feelings. Glad to hear that you decided to protect your peace and cut the negative people/relationships out of your life. Here are some of my tips on how to be a good friend (especially to other women):

Approach finding friends like you would dating (which is essentially a networking activity). Meet and mingle with as many people as you desire but refine your vetting process for your friends well before your next social interaction – whether it's a group get-together, coffee/lunch date, or a party/work event from which prospective friendship could potentially flourish.

Set your friendship standards. Know the types of people, common interests, values, lifestyle, etc., you desire to have within your friendships. Consider the type and frequency of communication that gives you energy. Be aware of your boundaries so you can communicate them calmly, clearly, and with kindness. Embody the type of friend you would want to have in your life already. Compatibility will minimize conflict in any type of relationship, including friendships.

Remind yourself that it can be more fulfilling to have friends that suit different needs, interests, activities, and sides of your personality. Once you understand what your "ideal" friend or friendships look like, you use this "best friend" archetype to divide up these qualities among the people you meet IRL. See if you click with someone who suits some of these characteristics & shared goals/interests. Choose friends you admire in different areas of their lives. Some friends may be in your life because you connect over your ambitious personalities or bond over working in the same industry/field. Other friends may be so much fun to go out with or chat about romantic relationships with, while others can be great travel companions, intellectuals, workout class friends, etc.

Practice differentiation. Understand both of you have your own boundaries, expectations, desires, and personal limits. Communicate your needs directly without people pleasing while still showing empathy and validating the other person's equal right to have their own boundaries, expectations, desires, and emotional/logistical limitations. People-pleasing is a form of manipulation because this self-sacrificing leaves you resentful of the relationship and blindsides the other person because they didn't know they crossed your boundaries. If someone crosses your boundaries and you address it from a compassionate "it's me, not you" POV, genuine friends will react to your reply from a place of understanding. To be a good friend, you need to do the same. Good friends respect each others' needs and would never threaten the friendship because you need to take care of yourself first.

Be their ultimate hype woman. Show up when it counts, follow up, and engage with a genuine interest. Cheer your friends on when they're going after and achieve their goals. Don't let jealousy & a scarcity mindset get to you. Show support for their wins. Be genuinely happy for them. Go to their milestone events (if you're invited and able to within reason), and send them words of encouragement before a big work presentation, interview, date, etc. Follow up after a coffee date to see how a certain conversation or event went if it seemed important to them. Ask them questions and thoughtful follow-up questions about their lives/something they brought up to discuss. Curiosity is the simplest way to form a connection – especially in conversation.

Don't try to one-up your friends. You appear haughty and insecure when you do this. Good friends complement and compound – not compromise – each others' successes.

Keep it real. Set each other up to win. Good friends don't let their friends ruin their lives, goals, health, or reputation. Call out a friend's bad or desperate behavior by using language that criticizes their behaviors vs. their character (Ex: "Remember how bad your ex made you feel about yourself, you don't deserve to put yourself through that again and spend this precious time with people who care about you or going on dates with others who will value what you have to offer." vs. "You're dumb for getting back together with your ex. You're so desperate for his attention/to be in a relationship." Another example: "Yeah, not working out and eating junk food all day can make you feel sluggish and lazy. You're too cool to be acting like this. It's time to live a healthier lifestyle again so you can be your best self so we can all appreciate your energy to the fullest again." vs. "You've turned into a slob. Get it together.")

Be trustworthy. Everything they share in confidence is top-secret information unless they disclose otherwise. Only share their successes in public. Keep friends' struggles private. Don't be two-faced. Stand by your friend to their face and when they leave the room.

Schedule time to make each other a priority. Invite them out. Set a date on the weekly/monthly calendar to hang out, Facetime, have a long catch-up call with each other, etc. Create fun rituals you do together with each friend or in groups of friends.

Follow through with the plans you set in stone (unless there's a true emergency/late night at work/you feel sick, etc.). Never cancel last minute unless it's essential for your well-being. Show up when you say you will. Respect other people's time. Don't be flaky.

Hope this helps xx

#making friends #friend advice #friendship #high value woman #high value mindset #femme fatale #girl advice #social skills #socializing #it girl #dark feminine energy #dark femininity #communication skills #the feminine urge #female excellence #queen energy #female power #dream girl #femmefatalevibe #q/a

[monako-jinn-stories]

Echo X Fem! Reader FanFic

A Returning Echo ~ After the Citadel

Main Master List

Story Master List

Chapter Thirty Five

Chapter Thirty Seven

Chapter Thirty Six

“Y/nnnnnnnn!”

“What?”

“I don’t like these bunks!”

“They’re literally the exact same as the ones on our Venator.”

“No, they’re different! They don’t hold the memories that ours do.”

“Well then make new ones,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“But that takes so much effort,” Sans whines, Steele nodding beside him.

You pinch the bridge of your nose and let out a long breath, calming yourself before you speak to your men. “Look, I know you think this is helping me prepare for motherhood, but it’s not,” you say while glaring at them.

“Just because her father was Mr. I-Follow-Every-Rule-In-Every-Reg-Manual-Ever, that doesn’t mean she won’t complain like her father’s twin does,” Steele says.

“Or my twin, for that matter,” Hex mumbles, and Steele gives him a rude finger in response.

“You do know that I did live in the palace with Ahni when she had the twins, right?”

“Well, yeah, but you ain’t their mother,” Tie argues.

“And I’m not your mother, either,” you say. “Look, I don’t have the energy for this right now. Just make sure to be on the bridge at 1130 as Rex said.”

“Alright, see you then, y/n,” Aid says, and the others nod before you walk away. 

It’s been a long time since you’ve worked with Anakin on a mission, and you don’t like that you can’t even lead your own men in battle. Sure, Codo is here as well, and all three of you are Jedi generals, plus Ahsoka is a commander, but you still didn’t like letting your men go into a battle without you there with them. 

As you make your way to the bunk area you’re sharing with Codo, you catch your reflection in the mirror. Your body has changed a lot, and you quickly look away, not knowing how to feel about how you look. Sure, your body is beautiful and amazing and you’ve carried your little Echoa for this long, and yet there’s that stupid beauty standard that floats around the galaxy. Those pin-ups of ‘perfect’ girls never show diverse body types, and it’s more than a shame. Everyone is beautiful, no matter what kind of body or looks they might have. Even on your own planet representation is limited, and you wish there was a way to force it to be better.

“Uh, is everything alright, General Jinn?” You look up and meet Hardcase’s eyes, and he’s looking at you cautiously.

“Yeah, why?” you ask, giving him a confused expression.

“You were just stomping down the hall,” he says, before a look of shock and embarrassment flashes onto his face. “I-I mean you weren’t…it’s not because of…kriff, what I meant is…”

“Go on, spit it out,” Jesse says, Kix snickering behind him as they both stand in a nearby doorway, watching their brother fumble for the correct words.

“What I meant is, you were walking as though something had angered you,” he ramblessXA, letting out a breath of relief afterwards.

“I was?” you say, “huh, I guess I didn’t notice. I mean I was having some pretty angry thoughts but I didn’t realize I was stomping.”

“Maybe it’s the, well the uh…” he says before motioning at your stomach and then your head.

“My what?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at him. His own eyes go wide again, another wave of embarrassment heating his cheeks.

“Oh, I uh…I mean…nothing, nothing at all, General Jinn,” he says, and you glare at him for a few seconds before breaking into laughter. His expression only turns to confusion before he looks behind him at his brothers, who were also laughing at him.

“Oh, Hardcase,” you say, resting a hand on his shoulder, “I think the phrase you were looking for is ‘pregnancy brain,’ which very well likely could be why I didn’t notice. Either way, it was nice to have a laugh.”

“Um…glad to uh, help?” he says, and you just giggle again before continuing on. When you finally reach your room, you immediately sit down and take your shoes off, sighing in relief before you lay down on the painfully solid bunk.

“You know, we could have made that more comfortable for you,” Codo says, looking over to smile at you.

“I’m fine,” you say, waving a dismissive hand.”

“You might be fine, but is it good for the baby and being so late term?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been pregnant before,” you say sarcastically. “I just want to rest. I’m tired and my feet are sore.”

“I can draw you up a warm bath to rest in and relieve the stress if you’d like,” he offers, but you shake your head no. 

“I don’t feel like moving again until I have to.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles. “I am going to head up to the bridge and start some plans with Skywalker. You’ll be there at 1130 to go over everything with us?”

“Mhmm,” you say, your eyes closed as you try to get comfortable.

“Alright, rest well, my child,” Codo says before leaving you alone. 

After Codo leaves, you spend another few minutes shifting around and trying to get comfortable, but eventually sigh and sit up when you hear a chuckle coming from the doorway.

“And you’re laughing at a struggling pregnant woman for what reason?” you ask, quirking a brow at the trooper who just laughs some more.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Fives says between chuckles, “I would never laugh at you unable to get comfortable.”

“Uh huh,” you say before you pat the spot beside you. Fives grins and walks over, leaning against the side of the bunk and plopping his legs in your lap.

“Ahh, so comfortable,” he says, and you shove his legs off of you and give him a look. He just gives you an innocent grin and sits up next to you. “Can we do it?”

“Do what?”

“The thing.”

“What thing?”

Fives scoffs, rolling his eyes before speaking again. “The baby thing.”

“A little more specific…”

“Where you let me into your mind so I can sense her!”

“Ohhhh that thing,” you say, flashing a cheeky grin before taking his hands. You place them gently on your bump and then put your own fingers against his temple. You focus on the feeling of Echoa’s life force, and watch as a grin slowly spreads as Fives senses her. His eyes are squinted closed, and it makes you want to laugh, but you don’t want to accidentally break the connection by pulling away his focus. A pang of hurt hits you as you watch his joy. If only things had gone better at the Citadel, if only you would have told him when you had the chance, then maybe Echo would be here as well, waiting for his turn to say hello to his little ad’ika.

“Y/n?” Fives says after a while, and you turn to face him again.

“Sorry, were you pulled from the connection?” you ask, and he nods but then shakes his head.

“Yes, but it’s alright. Are you okay?” His expression shows that he’s worried, and you go to question him before you feel a tear roll down your cheek.

“Oh,” you say, not having realized you were crying, “I was just…thinking about him again.”

“Ah, I see,” Fives says, a sad but knowing smile coming to his lips, “I think about him a lot as well. Especially when I’m in the connection thing. I think about my favorite memories with him and hope that Echoa can somehow see them in her mind. It’s the best I can think to do to help her at least know who her father was to those closest to him.”

“That’s a wonderful idea to do,” you say, “I’m glad you’re trying. I hope she’ll at least grow up and know how much he would have loved her.”

“She’ll always have plenty of uncles to love her as well, and remind her how much Echo really was a stickler for the rules.” You both laugh at that, each of you recalling your own memories of him rambling off some chapter or section of those stupid manuals. 

“You think she’s gonna be like him?” Fives asks, and you think for a second before smiling.

“I think she’s going to be perfect.”

“Ah, y/n, Fives, you guys made it just in time,” Anakin says as the two of you make your way onto the bridge. “We think this plan is good, maybe even perfect.”

“It is one of the more…reasonable ones I’ve seen you put forward,” Codo agrees.

“He’s worse than Kenobi, am I right?” Anakin whispers to you, and you snort at his comment.

“He’s just a bit more…practical,” you counter, earning a huff from Anakin. 

“You mean boring?”

“Watch it,” you warn, “remember who trained me, and who basically raised me.”

“I meant his plans. There’s no danger, no room for improv.”

“Because he accounts for things and plans the best route and course of action,” you defend before nudging him in the side. Everyone is watching the two of you whispering to each other, and Rex and Hex are sharing a look, one that Steele is giving Rex eye daggers for. You always love how jealous Steele gets when his twin is with Rex. He always rants to you about it after, only for you to just end up bursting with the laughter you try to hold in and him scowling at you for it. 

~~~

“Just because they’re both captains, and their names have a one letter difference, that doesn’t mean they’re automatically best friends,” he always says. “Besides, I’m Hex’s twin! I’m already his best friend, and everyone knows you can only have one best friend!”

“Maybe you’re actually just his annoying twin,” you sometimes reply, and it always earns you an offended look followed by even more ranting on how he was in fact not Hex’s annoying twin.

~~~

As you listen to the plan, you can’t help but feel left out. Of course, you aren’t in any condition to fight, but having to be sidelined while your troopers go out with Codo makes you feel like you’re missing out on fun. You never get to go on missions with Codo since he prefers to be on Coruscant and handle issues and planning there. And you hate not being able to protect your own troopers, always worrying about their safety and what might happen when you’re not on the battlefield with them. They’re barely even including you in the planning, having basically already decided on a plan before you showed up.

“Y/n?” Anakin asks, and you come out of your thoughts, “what’s your opinion?”

You think for a moment before shrugging. “I wasn’t really listening,” you admit. “I’m not really doing anything other than waiting for you all to come back, so I don’t really have anything to say.”

“But these are your men.”

“Under Codo’s command.”

“You should at least be helpful with the plans,” he responds, “they shouldn’t do it without you.”

“They are perfectly capable of coming up with a well thought out plan without my assistance,” you counter. “Besides, I have other things on my mind.” Your hand subconsciously rests on your stomach, and everyone’s eyes dart down to glance at it briefly before looking at something or someone else.

Anakin gives you a look before turning slightly, putting you out of his view. You feel like this was your cue to leave, as everyone else had turned their attention to him. Everyone except Codo, Sans, and Fives. The look on Codo’s face is one of parental concern, wanting to know what’s wrong with their child and how to help them. Sans looks at you as if to assure you that you are wanted and needed here, that your input is valued and they won’t brush your ideas aside. Fives looks at you apologetically, as if he’s sorry for how his general had treated you. You give them a soft smile, shaking your head and mouthing ‘it’s alright’ to them before turning and quietly leaving the bridge.

Fives glances at Codo and then Sans, sharing a concerned look with them. They both offer him a reassuring nod, silently letting him know that you just need space and time. He looks away from them, watching as the turbolift doors close and take you down to a lower level of the venator. 

He turns back to pay attention, catching Rex’s eye for a second before he looks down. He should have stood up for you, Echo would have done that. And Echo would have entrusted Fives to make sure you were okay if he weren’t able to himself. Echo had trusted him with a lot of things, and he’d failed on most. Sticking with him wherever they went, protecting him, making sure they both got back safely. The memory of Echo’s death played in his mind over and over every night. The sound of his own voice yelling out for his brother. The glow of the explosion that nearly blinded him, yet he couldn’t look away.

A hand rests gently on his shoulder, and he shakes his head briefly before looking up at his Captain. “You okay? Noticed you zoned out during the briefing.”

“Yeah,” he responds, plastering an unconvincing smile on his face, “I’m alright.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Rex chuckles sadly, “but I understand if you don’t want to talk. I am always here, though. We head out in 15 minutes.” He smiles one last time before turning, pausing to add one last thing. “I miss him too. Every day.”

Fives stands there and nods briefly, his fists clenching at his sides. It seems like everyone around him misses Echo, and yet none of them can change his fate. No matter how hard he wills himself to change places with him, it doesn’t work. He feels nothing at night when he tries to reach out into the force, feeling for Echo’s life force somewhere out there, but never finding it. He doesn’t feel like Echo’s always by his side. He feels like he’s standing alone.

“Excuse me, sir.” Fives turns to look at one of the bridge workers beside him. “Just wanted to remind you that you are set to leave in five minutes,” he says with a small nod.

“Kriff,” Fives mutters, “it’s been that long already?”

“Time does seem to go by too quickly when we’re stuck in our minds,” the other man chuckles before nodding to the side, “better be on your way.”

“Right, thank you,” Fives says before jogging to the turbolift, knowing he’s going to have to move a lot quicker to grab his gear and make it to the hangar on time.

Sans, Hex, Steele, Aid, and Tie are all standing outside their ship, talking to Rex and Ahsoka. Fives quickly catches up, slipping his helmet on.

“Ah, you made it,” Rex says with a grin, “wasn’t sure if we were going to have to leave you behind.”

“‘Course no,” he replies, “I won’t miss a fight for anything.”

“Not even Shaak Ti?” Tie says, snickering while elbowing Aid who just flinches away and glares at him briefly. 

“Well, that’s a different story,” he chuckles before turning back to Rex. “What ship are Jesse, Hardcase, and Kix on?”

“That one just over there,” he says, pointing at the complete other end of the hangar. “You also have the shinies, Tup and Dogma, with you. Better hurry before they leave,” he says. Fives groans before beginning to jog over, turning to a sprint as he sees the ship preparing to take off. He can already hear them laughing at him, and he curses to himself before just barely jumping on as they take off.

“Glad to see you decided to join us,” Jesse laughs.

“We had our bets over whether or not you’d end up with another squad,” Hardcase adds.

“Good to know you all have confidence in me,” he mutters, his helmet hiding his grin. 

“Now, let’s introduce you to the shinies,” Kix says, walking them over with a hand on each of their shoulders. “This here is Dogma, and this here is Tup.”

“Hello, boys,” he says, walking up to them. “You think you’re cut out to be soldiers of the Grand Army of the Republic?”

“Yes, sir!” they reply in unison. He glances at Kix, still holding their shoulders. 

“Hmm. You think you’re cut out for the 501st?”

“Yes, sir!” they reply again. Hardcase lets out a snort from behind Fives, and Jesse shakes with a chuckle.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Fives says before nodding for them to look out of the gunship. The doors had opened as they neared the surface. “See that? That’s where your fate is decided. Where you either live to see another day, or die without even seeing your enemy. You sure you’re ready?”

“Yes, sir!” they repeat for the last time, more confidently now. Fives turns his head to nod at his brothers, and right before their ship lands, he shoves both of the shinies out, causing them to fall face first into mud. Everyone laughs for a second before they help them up. 

“Rule number one,” Fives says, “learn to have fun.”

“Get down!” he yells, grabbing onto the shiny and yanking him behind the rock right as the shell exploded where he’d just been standing. “Rule number thirty two, don’t stand in front of a cannon!”

Dogma nods, shaking slightly as another shell hits the ground in front of them. 

“When I say go, you run as fast as you can to those troopers over there, got it?” Fives yells, and Dogma jerks his head in a nod. Fives closes his eyes, steadying his breathing as he times the cannon blasts, making sure he knows when to go.

It’s almost peaceful, the way he feels. The danger and death around him, yet he’s sitting here, quietly breathing, almost as if he’s connecting to the planet. To the force. The explosions around him don’t even register in his mind, and he slips away, back into his memories. The memories of life surviving on Kamino, surviving the out post, surviving the attack on Kamino…

“ARC-5555?” Dogma’s voice finds Fives’ ears, and he snaps out of it.

He pulls Dogma close to his face before harshly telling him “Rule number thirty three, don’t call anyone by their numbers.” He shoves him away again afterwards, yelling at him to run for it. He jumps up as well, running as fast as possible. He sees Dogma slip, and he quickly grabs him and pulls him back up to his feet. “Rule number thirty four!” he yells, “keep running!”

They both run for their lives, the ground shaking as shells land all around them. Fives makes sure that Dogma doesn’t fall again, and practically drags him to the other group of clones. He throws him forward, practically tossing him into Hardcase’s arms. “Keep him out of trouble,” he says before running back into the fire.

They’re practically surrounded, and he only catches glimpses of Anakin’s saber every dozen minutes. Ahsoka had been stationed here, but even then, Fives barely saw her from across the battlefield. Smoke was everywhere, but thankfully, very few dead clones lay around. 

“Tie! Watch your flank!” he yells as he begins running towards him. His blasters are raised and he’s firing without really aiming, the cluster of droids being thick enough to not need to aim. As he makes his way through, he catches a glimpse of Aid running as well. He can hear him shouting something, but can’t make out the words through the sounds of blaster fire. When he finally makes his way through the droids, he stops to see Tie on the ground with a blaster shot in the shoulder and in the stomach.

“I’ve got him,” Aid yells, “it would be great if you could clear a path for me as I carry him back to the gunship!” Fives nods, holding his blasters up and turning to run towards the gunship that’s closest. 

Another shell rains down and it hits just feet away from Aid, who is flung to the side while clutching Tie close. But Fives doesn’t see the scene in front of his eye. He sees that place again, that citadel, that ship, that explosion. He sees Echo with his shield, trying to help out. He sees him die in front of his eyes again. 

He couldn’t have been out for more than a minute, because when he opens his eyes, almost nothing has changed. He can hear the sound of shells exploding on either side of the battlefield, troopers yelling commands at each other, and a new but familiar sound. 

“Come on, Fives! We need you to get up!” Ahsoka’s voice is strong, commanding, and yet worried. “We’ve almost got’em! Just push through a bit longer!”

He groans, rolling to the side and searching for the green armor. “A-Aid…” he rasps out. “W-where’s Aid and Tie?”

Ahsoka takes a moment to glance down at him. “They’re over there,” she says with a slight side nod. “They’re okay, I checked on them.” It’s a lie, but Fives wouldn’t know. She’s a good liar. “Are you able to get up and help?”

Fives swallows hard, steadying his breath before pushing himself up. “I…got a bit more fight in me, Commander,” he says, though he feels as if someone’s trying to weigh him down. As he stumbles back into the fight, he catches a glimpse of Jesse, Hardcase, and the shinies holding off against a big wave of droids. He stumbles over, catching himself briefly against a ruined Separatist tank, before joining up with the squad.

“Good to see you again,” Jesse says, “you’re missing a boot, though.” Fives looks down, only now realizing that he is in fact missing a boot. 

“Huh, must’ve blown off when the explosion knocked me down.”

“Did you check in with Kix before joining us?” Hardcase asks, slamming his shoulder into Fives so that he moves and dodges a blaster shot he hadn’t noticed. 

“Uh, no,” he admits, grinning shyly under his helmet. 

Jesse and Hardcase both chuckle over the comms. “He’s gonna be peeved with you,” Hardcase replies.

“He’s always peeved at me for some reason or another,” Fives sighs before tossing a grenade to Tup. “Throw this directly at that tank!” The shiny does as Fives commanded, and after that, it only takes a minute or so to clear out the rest of the droids around them.

“We need more reinforcements over here!” Sans suddenly yells over the comms. “We are pinned down!” Fives, Hardcase, and Jesse exchange a very quick glance before running off to where the 17th is fighting, shouting at the shinies to follow as well. When they break through the trees that had been separating the two battalions, Fives nearly stumbles at the scene. 

Clones are dead all around, so many of your troops are lying motionless in front of him. He swallows hard, keeping focused on running to help the survivors.

Codo is standing in front, using the force and his saber to deflect as many blaster shots as possible. Sans is behind him, kneeling - no, resting his leg that has a prominent blaster shot in it - shooting and making sure the no droids can get close enough to his men, or the Jedi. Hex and Steele are further off, helping the wounded crawl away from the fighting and to some relative cover. 

“We’re here!” Rex says as he joins Fives and the others. Ahsoka is there as well, and in the distance, Fives can see Anakin and more 501st troopers coming from the other side. Within minutes of their arrival, it seems as though the enemy just falls away. The troopers’ numbers are too large for the droid army to even try to fight, and before long, they begin to turn and run. Gunships fly above the retreating army and drop bomb after bomb, destroying the enemy, and the planet. 

“What about the civilians who live here?” Jesse shouts, and Fives sees Dogma lower his head, as if in defeat. 

“We had to ensure this was a Republic win,” Rex says, taking his helmet off. His eyes are full of confliction, and he lets out a sigh. “No matter the cost,” he adds, looking around at all of the men from the 17th that are dead. “This might take a toll on y/n.”

“Then we can’t tell her,” Fives says, taking his helmet off and stepping forward. “We can’t let any harm come to the baby.”

“These are y/n’s men, we cannot lie or hide this from her,” Rex says, placing a gentle hand on Fives’s shoulder. “I know you care, we all care as well. But she is a General, and these men died without her leading them. She needs to know, she will know. It won’t harm the baby.”

Fives opens his mouth to argue, but Rex gives him a look before placing his helmet back on. Jesse and Hardcase walk up, each resting a hand on one of Fives’s shoulders. 

“It’ll be okay,” Jesse assures him, “perhaps you can be the one to tell her. She’ll take it better from you.”

“This shouldn’t have happened,” he mumbles, looking around, “she’s lost enough…”

“I’m afraid that in this war, there’s probably a lot more still for her to lose,” Hardcase says.

Fives whips his head around to stare at him, his face full of shock. “Is that supposed to comfort me?”

“No,” he says, raising his hands in defense, “I just was saying. It’s terrible, but there’s no point in keeping it from her, because it’s bound to happen again.”

“Yeah, well, it shouldn’t,” he replies before putting his helmet back on and walking away, deciding to go check for Aid and Tie.

Walking back through the trees, he’s careful not to make too much noise. There might still be enemies nearby that were missed earlier, and he isn’t in the mood for getting shot. Some of the trees are still burning, very slowly, but with the right conditions, it might turn into a raging fire, and he doesn’t want to be caught in the middle. As soon as he makes it through, he tries to look for them where he’d last seen them, but the sight in front of him is overwhelming.

There are barely any casualties on this side of the trees, and the ones that are injured are also very few. He feels a wave of anger, and he clenches his fists tightly. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. Both battalions should have been fine. Their plan ensured it. If anything, the 501st should have had more casualties, so why did so many of the 17th die?

When he reaches the spot he last saw Aid and Tie, he sees a few footsteps with blood trailing along. Then he sees what looks like a spot where Aid fell, dropping Tie and sprawling out. More footsteps surround the spot, hinting at Aid being helped up and led back to the ship. 

Fives looks up and his eyes meet Aid’s from behind his helmet. He takes it off and Aid looks away, focusing on the injured troopers around him. Fives walks over to the ship, glancing around before stepping up. “Is he-”

“Tie is alive,” he replies, cutting him off, “but I can’t talk, I have so many to treat.” He shuddered. “I just hope my panic attack can wait.”

Fives nods, looking around at all of them. “I can help if you want.”

“I’d prefer a medic.”

“Right. Well, I can fly the ship-”

“I don’t want to risk anything happening during flight, especially with someone who isn’t a trained pilot.” Aid sighs. “This…should never have happened.”

“I know,” Fives says, resting a hand on his shoulder briefly. “I’ll comm for a pilot, and I’ll make sure the medical wing is ready on the Venator.” He begins to leave, but after he steps off the ship, he pauses. “As one of her troopers…what do you think we should tell y/n? About all the casualties?”

Aid freezes for a second, and Fives sees his eyes roam over the battlefield. “I didn’t see much of it myself,” he admits, “that’s a question for the others.”

Fives nods, not exactly satisfied with the answer, but a comm from Rex lets him know that it’s time to leave. “Good luck,” he says, and Aid goes back to work, hands shaking slightly as he prepares a needle.

It’s quiet back on the ship, and you can feel your heart racing. You know something went wrong, you can tell by the way the troops on the bridge are acting. “What is going on?” you ask again, and finally someone gives you an answer, just not a clear one.

“They’re heading back up to the Venator, Sir,” he replies, and you bite back a grumble.

“What happened?”

“It’s likely that they will have a mission debrief, and if they allow you to be there, you will know,” he responds before giving her an apologetic look. “Orders,” he explains, and you nod. He isn’t one of your troopers, and so he can’t share classified information with you unless he’s given permission. It’s annoying, but it’s protocol.

You head down to the hangar, wanting to interrogate Sans and Codo as soon as they land. If you could get someone to talk, it was them. Naturally, Anakin, Rex, and Ahsoka are on the first gunship and exit first. Behind them is Fives, Hardcase, Jesse, and the two shinies. You guess that Kix is probably on another ship, helping with the injured. A few more ships of just troopers land before finally Sans, Hex, and Steele exit one of them. You notice immediately that Tie isn’t their pilot, and that he hadn’t walked out of the ship. Codo hadn’t either.

“Where are they?!” you ask, panic immediately taking over. Fives rushes over with Sans, both of them gently taking hold of you to keep you calm.

“Aid is helping Tie and others that are injured on another gunship,” Fives explains.

“Aid said he would be alright, but…mesh’la, I’m sorry.”

You feel as though your heart is about to shatter. Codo can’t be dead…he had to have survived. You don’t feel him in the force, and you know you would have felt him die. Your bond was too close. But he isn’t here, and there’s no other reason for Sans to be apologizing like that. “What happened?” you manage to ask, trying your best to hold back tears.

“There was…some misinformation, apparently,” Sans sighs. “Codo and I, and Hex and Steele, took each of our groups to our designated spots. The plan would have been flawless…but it turned out that we were either tricked, lied to, or didn’t have enough information. We lost so many troopers…the 501st was hardly touched. But the 17th…” he looks away, and you see the pain in his eyes.

“Sans,” you say, gently reaching up to him. His tears begin to fall and he just shakes his head. 

“We tried to help,” Fives continues, gaining your attention, “but it was too late. They had all…so many of them…” He takes a moment to clear his words, not wanting to just ramble. “Codo tried his hardest, he did all that he could. He stood in the front and defended your troopers as best he could. But the result…it was inevitable. I’m sorry you have lost so much in this war. I hope you don’t continue to.”

“I won’t stop losing people until it’s over, and even after, I fear that I will continue to lose those I love,” you reply. “But…Codo…I…” you bite your lip, tears streaming down your face again. “I just can’t…it’s my fault…”

“What?” Fives says, exchanging a glance with Sans who is also confused. “What’s your fault?”

“Him dying,” you reply, “if I would have just gone myself, he never would have been in the battle and never would have been killed. He’d still be back at the Temple and in safety…it’s all my fault.” 

The troopers exchange another glance before Sans gently rests a hand on your shoulder. “Y/n,” he says, “Codo isn’t…he’s fine,” he says, “although he does feel a bit guilty about everything,” he admits. “He feels responsible for the lives of your men under his command.”

“What? Then where is he?” you ask, looking around for him.

“I think I saw him head to the turbo lift already,” Fives says. “He seemed…in a rush.”

It hits you that he’s probably avoiding you out of guilt, but that would be hard to do with the two of you sharing a room on the Venator. “When is your debrief?”

“Not for a while,” Sans replies, “we’re going to focus on the injured first, and then when we are settled we’re going to meet on the bridge.”

“Okay,” you nod, “I’m going to go find him and talk to him.” The two troopers nod and watch you walk off. As you do, something inside you changes. You feel your anguish dissipating, and something else replacing it. It’s not quite a feeling yet, more like something brewing inside and getting ready to become a real emotion.

You walk through the halls and try to keep your mind calm. You need to see Codo and talk to him for yourself and make sure that he’s alright. You don’t want him to blame himself for this, it isn’t his fault…is it?

You take a deep breath as you linger outside the door. It’s closed, something very unusual for Codo, especially when the two of you are sharing a room. Even when he’s upset, he keeps it open in an offering for you to come talk, but this is almost as if he doesn’t want to face you. You type in the code and watch the door open, and Codo’s back is towards you as he stands looking out the viewport. You hesitate, not wanting to disturb him, but not wanting to leave him alone to wallow in guilt.

You feel yourself walking over to stand beside him, but there’s some distance that isn’t normally there. In the past, you’d walk up to him and brush shoulders, or perhaps hold his hand, assuring him that everything was okay. But now, you can’t bring yourself to close the distance between the two of you.

Codo doesn’t turn to you to speak, he keeps his face forward and the distance noticeable. “I know you trusted me to lead your troops into battle and out the other side. You trusted me to keep unnecessary deaths to a minimum. And I know that I have failed you, greatly.”

You don’t respond, not sure what to say. He’s right, you had trusted him, and you lost so many of them. But would it have been any different if you had been the one leading them? Or another general who is more experienced than Codo? Perhaps someone who is able to put their feelings about the war aside and fight for the Republic and protect the troops under their command.

“I know there’s nothing I can say to make up for all of the loss today, and I wish I could have done more, done better.” Silence lingers between you, and you want to say something, but your emotions seem to have you paralyzed. You look down at your bump, as it’s blocking the view of your feet, and rest a hand on it. “I understand if you’re upset with me-”

“Not upset,” you say, cutting him off. You let silence hang for a few seconds while you figure out the right words. “Not upset but…disappointed. In myself and those who gave us our information. In the plan that was supposed to be flawless. And admittedly in you, because I had trusted you with their lives. But also in myself for believing that it would be a good idea to let you take my men into battle. I feel as though you are not anywhere close to being experienced enough. And I’ve always admired your ability to avoid going into battle, but…it comes with a cost. A cost that my men had to pay. I don’t think that…I’ll allow you to lead them alone again. I trust you with them, but only to an extent,” you finish. You don’t wait for his response, deciding to leave and go check on Tie before the debriefing begins.

The medical level is busy, and as you peek into rooms, you see that most of the soldiers are yours. You feel awful, knowing that they had put their trust in you to find someone to lead them safely into battle, and this was what they got in return. You catch a glimpse of Kix tending to Fives, and catch a few of the angry words he’s throwing at him. From the sounds of it, he’s very angry and ranting to him once again on how to properly assess if he should go back into battle or go to the nearest medic. Fives shoots you a desperate grin, begging you to save him, but you just smile and shake your head, continuing on to find Tie.

When you reach his room, you immediately are met with quite a few things hooked up to him. A  breathing mask, a heart monitor, and an IV with a clear liquid are all connected, and there are multiple bandages wrapped around him. 

“He’s stable, but might take a few days to recover. I plan on sticking him in a bacta tank when we get back to Coruscant,” Aid says as he walks in behind you.

“How did this happen?”

“Enemy cannon. The blast landed right next to him and threw him to the ground. Another one made me slip and drop him. Thankfully most of what you see in bandages is surface wounds, small scratches and such, but one is a broken bone, and the way he fell caused his rib to break and puncture his lungs.” He shudders for a moment, and you place a gentle hand on his arm. 

“It’s okay,” you tell him, “he’ll be alright, thanks to you.”

“Yeah,” he mutters, “but this should never have happened.” You glance down at his words, knowing you share the same feelings. “The debriefing is in a few minutes,” he says, snapping you from your mind, “I’d recommend you go, there’s a lot you’ll want to hear about.” You nod and glance back at Tie one last time before leaving the room. You hope that Aid doesn’t push himself, his panic attacks have only gotten worse the further into the war he gets. Your fear is that one of these days, he’ll end up driving himself mad. 

You walk onto the bridge, and everyone’s eyes seem to focus on you. Codo looks down, and Anakin nods to you before turning to address everyone. You vaguely listen, only noting when the discussion is focused on your men, or when one of them is talking. You also listen to Codo, trying to understand where his leadership went wrong.

“...attacked from our left flank…” “...cannons surrounded us…” “...comms went in and out…” “...not enough support…” “...a whole squad blown up…” “...blinded…” “...bad conditions…” “...separated…” “...panicked…” “...at least one and a half companies died…” “...more than two hundred injured…” “...barely any made it out without injury or death…”

The words hit you like daggers to the heart. You feel yourself fall forward, barely catching yourself on the holo table. Hex and Steele are immediately at your sides, but you shake your head slowly. “I need to stay…” you say quietly, “I need to hear everything.”

You stand and watch as the survivors of your battalion march off the Venator, and then watch as the injured are taken to the medical facility. You watch before following, knowing you need to face them yourself. But when you reach their barracks, your mouth goes dry and your throat squeezes shut. You can’t form words, only tears that fall from your face. All you can do is shake your head, clench your fists, and wait for them to say something. But they didn’t say anything.

The men of the 17th all took turns hugging you, their silent way of assuring you it’s alright, that it’s not your fault, that they aren’t upset with you. As they do, you feel something strange happening. Stress has been consuming you since a few days ago when you first learned about the mission plans, and it hasn’t given you any rest. 

Your vision starts to blur, and your palms start to sweat. A trooper notices, and you can only assume he yelled for others, because your hearing is muffled as you feel your eyes slowly flutter shut. The last thing you see is the shiny hovering over you, mouthing something, or maybe yelling. You can’t read his lips though, your brain already shutting down. 

~~~

Medical equipment is attached all over you, and when Fives walks in to visit, there’s just a little bit more color in your face than before. You no longer look like a corpse, and it gives him a sense of relief. You and the baby are still fine, but clearly weak. He just hopes that the air of Dohbar blowing in through the windows will help you come back and be refreshed

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i dont know if tumblr is still messed up so letter spam time

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ernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrtyernvsonbrstonbtrdonbrstoinbrtoibjrty

#star wars #the clone wars #clone wars #the bad batch #jinn the storyteller🤍🤍 #star wars the clone wars #star wars: the clone wars #tcw #clone troopers #clone trooper #bad batch echo #echo the bad batch #echo x reader #tbb echo #a returning echo #pregnancy

[milu1b]

nobody cares which is exactly why i’m writing it.

The Barbie film was so extraordinary, I will literally never forget it. It feels nostalgic to think about it even tho I saw it two days ago, I feel like I’ve grown as a person since I saw it even tho I’m still the same.

From a point of view of someone who aspires to work in film and direction, I naturally tried to capture every detail, and I think a big part of it is everyone interpreted the meaning differently, and somehow all the different perspectives are correct.

It’s unexplainable how life altering this film was. The start really gets you, it gives you everything you expect and then the real deep truth gets you when you least expect it.

It’s like a punch in the gut to see how you can incorporate something so meaningful in such a deceiving (in the best way) surrounding.

From a persons perspective I personally took from it that it was an attack, not on men, not on women, but on the idea that society must be ruled a certain way either by men or women. Because that just doesn’t work.

I found that even though the film wasn’t anti-men, you could still find obvious real life flaws in Ken that you would in some men, as was the same with the flaws in women. I don’t mean to say men are all the same, but Ken represented a good man who did something bad, it doesn’t mean he’s bad it just means he has to grow from that experience.

It just felt so real to watch this film.

From a woman’s perspective I felt extremely emotional when Barbie realised she had not been women’s saviour, and that she wasn’t going to be hugged and thanked.

I felt a tug in my heart when Ken found out that men ruled the world somewhere and his immediate reaction was to turn his home that way, without really thinking, if he was unhappy in the way his world worked then maybe women were in the real world. This was the part that made me cry.

How instead of going to authority and asking for change he decided he needed to convince all the other Ken’s and brainwash the women. How he felt ok making the people he previously respected make fools of themselves for his benefit.

I appreciated Alan as a character on his own, just because of how comedic he was, and how he didn’t find himself being dragged into the mess the Ken’s were making. (Alan appreciation>>)

And I don’t mean they were bad people, hell I know i’d be thrilled if I found a world with Women rulers but I’m sure their way of dealing was not the best.

From someone who’s been in a failed relationship, I loved they didn’t end up together, even tho they felt like the right people for each other. Because Barbie doesn’t really have to have feelings for him, especially not after what he did to all the other Barbies (with help from the other Ken’s). Also because they both had stuff going on and weren’t in the point for a relationship. Felt like a right person wrong time kind of thing.

I have much more to vent out on but this is all I can really be bothered to type so 🫶🏻

Basically, the Barbie film was an absolute masterpiece and I’m so glad I got to have the possibility of watching it.

#barbie #barbie movie #movies #movie review #meaningful #women #men #why isn’t men a tag #margot barbie #ryan gosling #ken #kenergy #i am kenough #patriarchy #matriarchy

[gyumimiz]

1. fever dream high in the quiet of the night

the train runs through fields and meadows as you’re reading the last chapter of the book you borrowed from the library before your trip. the window above your head is slightly open and the wind is making your hair a little bit of a mess. but it feels nice. the air outside smells like warmth and summer. you slowly start to recognize your surroundings, meaning you’re close to your destination. you start to look for the sea which should appear soon somewhere among the hills. 

you quickly pack your things to the backpack when the train reaches its final destination. you get off, surrounded by tourists also coming here for the holidays. parents with their kids, elderly couples and groups of teenagers fill the train station as you’re trying to find haerim among them. 

finally, after looking around for like ten minutes you spot a brown haired girl with two braids waving at you. “there she is”, you mutter to yourself. big grin appears on your face as you make your way to your cousin and you two hug each other so tight you almost can’t catch your breath.

“i missed you so much i thought i’ll die if i won’t see you soon” she admits while trying to help you with carrying your baggage “jesus, what did pack there?”

“yeah i’m glad to see you too. and you know, it’s hard to decide which clothes to bring knowing you will probably force me to go to the parties with you each weekend”

“not this year my friend!” she shakes her head “i told you, i’ve already met the prettiest boy on this planet. i mean... i haven’t met him but i will, i mean WE will.”

right after you unpack your stuff in haerim’s bedroom, you two decide to go for a night walk along the coast. it’s finally cooler outside and the moon and stars shine so beautifully that night, you can’t take your eyes off them, taking hundreds of photos with your phone of the night sky.

you wander along the path by the sea, talking about everything and, at the same time, nothing at all. you grumble about your exams and complain about the fact that you just graduated from high school, but you have nothing figured out. she talks about how she hates living in such a small village because nothing really happens here except summertime and she can’t wait to move to a bigger city. you can’t really understand her, because you would love to live there. you love it when nothing is happening because it’s just so peaceful. your cousin is like the total opposite of you. but maybe that’s why you get along that well. 

since it’s only the first week of summer vacation, there aren’t too many tourists yet. you pass only a few couples and families on your way. the villas near the seaside seem to still be empty and waiting for their owner to come to visit for the holidays. it’s so quiet here. but only until you two hear loud laughs and screams from one of the mansions. some men, or maybe boys, judging by their voices, are probably having a lot of fun up there on the terrace.

of course, your cousin stops and tilts up her head to see their faces. probably to see if one of them is her type or whatever, you think. you just roll your eyes and cross your arms, not really interested in the whole situation.

“oh my god” she says and covers her mouth too late to stop herself from saying that.

you take a deep breath and look up. 

you see a group of five guys, clearly enjoying their time together. they all look as if they were around your age. one of them has bleached hair which, at first, kind of draws your attention. 

he caughts you two staring and smiles. more towards haerim than you.

“hello!” he says, which makes the other one turn around to check who’s his friend talking to. 

and then you feel weird. like, the world kind of stops, as you catch eye contact with the brown-haired boy. he is gorgeous. because handsome is too little to say, you just have to say he is gorgeous. 

he holds half empty bottle of champagne in his hand and you can clearly see he is already a bit drunk. but his dazed eyes and messy hair make him look as if he was straight from a romance movie. he smiles softly, which makes you look away and catch your friend’s hand to pull her with you as you walk away.

“heyy nice to meet you, wait!” but you just say to your friend: let’s go haerim it’s late “we still have some champagne left!” you still hear the voice of one of the boys behind your back

“what are you doing? they invited us and you just...” haerim starts but you cut her off

“bestie, be serious, we’re not drinking with strangers” 

“you really are no fun, that was this boy i told you about!” she complains on your way home.

okay, you can admit. he was pretty. maybe even more than pretty. maybe even the prettiest boy you’ve ever seen. 

well it doesn’t matter now, that you’re all comfortable and cozy in your bed with grumpy haerim laying by your side. she is still kind of mad at you that you ignored the pretty boy and just walked away. but you’re sure that tomorrow she’ll just find another one to admire and forget about the guys you saw tonight. 

and, of course, so will you. 

note: i know it’s short but i just wanted to upload the first chapter already:D i really hope u liked it and sorry for the mistakes (i haven’t really checked it) also, i will upload playlist soon and let me know if you want to be added to the taglist (or removed). as for now i only added people who commented on main post<3

please interact with this post because i see no point in writing this if it has like 3 likes after idk like 2 weeks

masterlist

taglist: @choijxn @flwerfield @felixrs @yxnjvnnie @reetxjaitly @babigriin

#yeonjun smau #yeonjun fic #txt #txt fic #txt fluff #yeonjun fluff #enemies to lovers #stranger to lovers #choi yeonjun #txt fanfic #yeonjun fanfic

[frannyzooey]

"Something doesn't have to look a certain way to be happy" non here! I’m so glad you understood what I meant. I’m kind of obsessed in part because I think I have a weird perspective. I’ve had just two relationships in my life, and both were great guys - just one turned out to not be for me. Hubs and I have been together over 15 years and met when I was a college freshmen. There was a slight age gap (just 6 years but felt larger at 18) and we have remained happy and committed. I think we’re the weird ones 😆

Would you ever consider writing a “happily ever after” type one shot? Totally understand if that’s the most cringe awful monstrosity you could ever imagine. I kinda see it either being sweet or that 😂 I sort of feel bad asking because it could come across as such the antithesis to the intent and so disingenuous, but I know it’s a beloved fic and an AU could be fun if nothing else. By no means am I implying your ending wasn’t perfect — it was — I’m just curious and have also had some wine.

You aren't weird at all! That's exactly what happened with my husband and I at the exact same ages, and we are still going very strong ❤

Don't ever feel bad asking! I have played around with a number of things for them - in my drafts, I have: their first reunion night in England, a 🍑 drabble, a drabble about their time apart and how Ezra seeks solace in men - and I could see someday down the line adding one that gives a little more closure than the ending did? I don't know if I could ever write a truly syrupy sweet ending for them since I can't reconcile that with their paths in life in my head, but if I DID, it would look like a version of this:

Birdie comes back to NYC, she needs a place to stay so Ezra invites her to live there, Cee has long since made her peace with it since she has a new found sense of independence in the city and Ezra is beyond happy to have a little Birdie in his house every day.

Him, working in his work room and her, writing in the front room, and them, cooking dinner together every night.

Him, running his errands and her, coming back from the library and them, curled up on the couch together before they go to bed.

Him, looking over at her every so often with a small smile because she's really here, and her, looking over at him every so often because she's really here, and them, looking at each other in the dark bedroom as their bodies entwine.

Them, going to movies and parking in the back of the parking lot just so they can take in the late show and then make out in the car afterwards.

Them, merging their friend groups and finding new things to do together and them, delighting in the openness of their relationship. The affection they can show in public and at home, freely.

"I'm just curious and have also had some wine" is how I have made half my friends on here, so PLEASE, never feel bad asking me anything!

#in the dark ask #bring on the questions! anytime ❤

[formula-fun]

(This was timestamped October 12th 😱 when I found bits of my always too long ramble in my notes; I was mostly talking about your answer to my ask on the 12th.)

Good morning! (This was really what I started with!)

Good gawd I totally forgot the other omegas on the grid🤣🤣 when I jumped down the rabbit hole of “ABO universes must be more patriarchal than real life” and “my poor baby being the one suffering the most on the grid for being an omega” and of course the waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too much talking about what I like in ABO fics.

It’s quite refreshing to remember that in your story Japan is less “only boys/alphas are deserving of the throne(literally and figuratively ”. (Still can’t believe I totally forgot about it yesterday, and it was mentioned in Capri too! One of my favorite parts!😱😱) Even though technically (please correct me if i’m wrong) ABO was created so Dean Winchester could logically get pregnant in English fics, I sometimes love the more Asian take on it: as in even in the real world, as soon as men can produce children too, the ones who could do that (like omegas in ABO) would immediately be degraded in the social hierarchy to becoming “women”. It’s a very widely used background in fics from Asian writers thus making me love a lot of fics with very strong omega characters, the whole “I am an omega but I am as strong as you(his future magnificent alpha mate). ”

“male can present as alphas or stay betas ;people born female can present as omegas or stay betas” So there is no female alphas. But if the world consists of male alphas + male betas +female betas+ female omegas, Charles is a male omega?

it’s indeed true we think very differently because half of the time is you amiably disagreeing 🤣 and I’m like nodding and pushing more into the same subject or different subjects and we just continuing on politely disagreeing. 🤣🤣🤣

The mating I do understand, since the actual “registering” happens ON each other and in bed hhahah! Do mating trigger heats and ruts for alpha/omega pairings? Since the whole biology of ABO is practically “let’s make two men having a baby as logical/easy as possible, and they should has they just mated!”.

As for spoilers! I am all for them lol, I have always been the type to want to know whether the end would be happy or sad/bad for movies or stories, and then I would decide whether I would read them (I am still on the life sucks so I shall only read stuff that makes me happy and my best friend is a lover of angst, and we bond alot over angsty stories I was “tricked” into reading that I end up recommending to her, so me reading WIP is totally growth 🤣)

——

I just checked the 2024 calendar so if the baby (yeah!) is conceived in June 2024, it looks like it’s going to happen in Austria? (June races are in Canada, Spain and Austria) At first I thought it was going to be in Monaco(late May) at home? (Why am I sticking to the real calendar when talking about characters in fiction having babies lol). I suppose too much is happening for them in Austria seriously hahahha.

You also mentioned that their baby was born early, the amount of stress for Max??? Did they speed all the way to the hospital in their Ferrari with Max “threatening” Charles their baby girl is most definitely not to be delivered in a Ferrari of all cars? Hahahhahahha

Wonder what kind of reaction the tifosi had finding out their prince/king is having a Ferrari baby?

Thank you so much for entertaining all my way too long explanations of “what I think”.

A very lovely Wednesday to you~~~~

Xoxoxoxoxooxoxo

ahhh hi hi!! Glad you found it! ill answer under the cut in case it gets long!

hahahah yeaaaaah sorry, im definitely breaking the a/b/o form a lot in this fic!! i think it's really only loosely an a/b/o fic in the first place tho--im using that as a way to explore gender, and it's become a pretty good vessel for that! there are a lot of expectations in a/b/o about how different genders are supposed to act and i KNOW thats why people like it.....it's just really fun to flip that on its head and poke at how at the end of the day they're all just people and biology doesnt dictate who they are dfjkdfkjdfjkdfk like am i doing it right? no. am i having fun? yes

and definitely! Im not asian so i can't really speak for that, i just knew from the start that certain countries would have different ideas about gender than others (just like it is in our world) and japan happened to be one of them. i do like the way it flips the script though, and you're definitely right about that meaning omegas can be stronger than alphas. it's kinda emphasizing that there's really no one truth about who anyone is and everything is fluid, especially the dynamics between two people. that's the whole bottom line with that scene with yuki, too--he thought alphas were super different but they're really kinda the same as anyone else. As for the bit about dean winchester, I have no idea if youre right but it doesn't sound wrong ;)

"But if the world consists of male alphas + male betas +female betas+ female omegas, Charles is a male omega?" charles was born female, he identifies as a man tho! same with his brothers, all the other omegas on the grid and a handful of the betas. there are also women who are alphas, who are biologically male. Gender and sex have nothing to do with each other in this universe, gender is just a form of self-expression and identity, so this is pretty common

and iiiiii do not knowwwwww to be honestttttttttt. not sure how mating works yet. We'll see! I think it can kind of be done whenever but there are probably some sort of requirements about hormones or some shit like that, like it probably relies on oxytocin or something so if there's not enough happy calm hormones being released then it wont take?? or something like that?? cause its basically the ultimate oxytocin bond right? its possible im getting too scientific about this but idk. cause in a lot of a/b/o it basically works like magic to the point people can start reading minds after and idk if thats really the direction im going to be going with this, but it's not just a bite either. we'll see we'll see, i need to figure it out still

Same with the calendar--not sure, we'll have to see. i had a plan at one point but i honestly do not remember now. I do think their first baby is conceived in a really dumb place like a sauna or a storage closet in the ferrari hospitality or the passenger seat of Max's valkyrie right after charles smacked his head on the roof and then whined for like six minutes straight while refusing to let Max look at the wound (spoiler: there was no wound. there was not even a bruise). idk why, it just feels like it adds balance to the narrative if the whole thing is dumb and ridiculous and literally not romantic whatsoever. im rejecting the 'uwu conception is beautiful and pure' notion, it's a million times funnier to me if charles gets pregnant because he tried to open a condom with his teeth but bit a hole into it instead and didn't notice or think about it until 6 months later when andrea looked at his most recent blood test results and immediately passed out

that's all i have for you!! no more spoilers, i have to go to sleep!! thanks for the ask and happy wednesday!

#xo anon #if i had words #writing tag #should i start tagging long posts??? lmk

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Hellooo~ I think I’m about to ramble a whole bunch so i hope this entertains you despite the heat of the earth right now.

I had been the type of reader who forgets the titles and authors’ names since I liked being a silent fan but have also wanted to avoid attachment to certain fics. This was probably because I personally don’t have a lot of free time but also because I had experienced fics that went on a forever hiatus. (I still loved the authors and totally respect their decisions tho.) That tmi backstory leads me to what I wanted to tell you:

I had loved your wereroomies installments but didn’t know that it was you nor were they part of the same universe. Basically, I loved your stories before knowing you, if that makes sense. BUT, the major force that actually made me want to see your other works was Five-Point Star. I literally wanted to scream at you (in a good way) so I worked up the courage to message but never did SLDJKSJDJE LMAO. (Now wereroomies took me on a chokehold so that’s how I ended up sending an actual message 🥹😭)

SO, the reason that I’m writing now is to tell you that I finally re-read Five-Point Star and 😩😩😩😩 here’s my thoughts about it cuz it still makes me Feel Everything the same way when I first read it.

FIRST OFF, of course you made another Chris to love 🥹. I felt how the MC’s job made her so distant to people and connections so having someone like Chris that could make her feel warm, make her laugh, and crave normality was sooo lovely.

I love how you wrote the whole thing. Like, I did kinda see how it would go but the whole build up and how it actually went was *chef’s kiss*. I really like this kind of trope but I’m also a sucker for that ending 😭. Thanks for breaking me, jk.

LASTLY, my brain worm went haywire with the ending so it started writing it’s own part 2 despite it being a one-shot 🥹. idk what to do with it so imma share it with you and release it from my head. LIKEEE, imagine some time has passed and MC moved to a different location and slowly tried to lessen her load of assassin work. She never really finished her last mission and retracted her contract to kidnap Seungmin. Trying to move on from the biggest heartbreak, she tries out to have a normal life in a different city to forget all of her what if’s. That is, until she gets kidnapped. (The irony.)

She wakes up in a room with a few armed men guarding her, and Seungmin or someone from Five-Point Stars telling her that they want to hire her. They want to get revenge or silence whoever tried to threaten the Kims using her, and the only one who has any information on who wanted Seungmin was her so they tracked her down. Of course, the leader of the whole Five-Point Star squad would be our beloved Chris 🥹. She can’t refuse because they have all of her information and can definitely use her previous assassin history against her. ALSBKAJDJSBDJDND I’ll stop there 😭 my brain worm is doing a funk istg i didn’t mean to ramble this long but oh well.

If you read this far, I love u, and here’s a hug 🤍. Ahck hope u and Raven are still intact and hydrated. AKHSJSHS This is my first time leaving this long of a message so im so sorry if its cringe and mushy 🥹 i really love ur works,,, you’re a great writer.

~🍓

pls this message is cute. you're cute. i'm glad you liked my stories enough that you felt like you needed to reach out. i love having you here💜

i'm all here for some Five-Point Star love 😩 i love love love that story. i felt like i was possessed the entire time i was writing it (i suppose many of us felt that way after watching that 5-STAR trailer and seeing Christopher in that outfit 😵).

i've been thinking about that story a lot these days, and i love love love your take on what could've happened after it.

what you're describing is similar to one of the scenarios i had in mind for a part 2.... i actually have so many different ideas for a part 2 sdjhfsjkdf. BUT, i think i have finally decided on the main ones i liked out of all the ones that came to my head, and i can say that i AM working on a part 2 👀 (i'm already over 6k in and it's nowhere near finished....). even though it isn't quite like what you're describing, i hope you'll like it once it's done and published💜

(mind you, FPS is a story that imo can definitely stand on its own without a part 2.... but you know how it is by now, my brain just does whatever it wants, and it wants to have a part 2 because it couldn't handle the ending KJDSHFKSJDF).

i love you, too, bb. here's a hug as well🤗. Raven and i are managing haha it's a bit cooler today, so hopefully temperatures start going down 😭

thank you for sending this lovely message! i hope you have an amazing day/night💜💜

#🍓 anon #ask #fps ask #wereroomies ask

[godsrejectedmartyr]

last night my uncle hit my cousin. he’s not my bio cousin, and he’s not my uncles bio son. but my family raised my cousin since he was a baby because his mom was single and working several jobs. he lived with us up until maybe a year or two ago when he decided to move back with his mom. he was like a little brother to me, it was sad to not have him around anymore but i was happy for him because he was going back to his mom.

his mom and my uncle got married but my uncle suffered a stroke and never quite was the same. but he was always the type to be kind of aggressive and annoying, he picked a lot on me growing up too and always liked to make me cry. he was weird but never exactly violent, so my family never paid much mine to him.

recently my cousin has been hanging around the wrong people because he’s often left home alone and to his own devices. he got in trouble for being an accomplice to a petty crime with some other middle schoolers that bullied him into submission and is still going through the legal process of it all. his older brothers (who are all grown adults) also have a pretty hefty criminal record and reputation in our town.

last night my cousin was out with his friends and didn’t come home till midnight, his mom was obviously worried out of her mind cuz she didn’t want him to get into more trouble or to just get hurt in general. so when he came home my uncle was mad at him and punched him in the face and broke his nose. my entire family is mad it him, because all the men in our family have been that way. my mom and my aunt both got married to physically abusive husbands, and their dad (my grandpa) was physically abusive too. my uncle saw everything his sisters and their children went through with violent husbands and he still hit a child that isn’t even his.

i’m crying because i never wanted my little cousin to go through the things i went through when i was a kid, to feel that fear and to be hurt like that. i know he’s not doing the best right now but he’s not a bad kid. no matter what i don’t think it’s right to hit a kid like that. my grandma won’t talk to my uncle and my mom told my cousin that if he wanted to he could come back and live with us. i’m scared cuz he might get taken away from his mom. his mom almost lost custody of him so many times, especially because his brothers would get into huge trouble.

his brothers are criminals by law but they also aren’t bad people, they’re loyal men with unconventional morals. but i’m glad they were both there when my uncle hit my cousin. they punched my uncle back and told him to never lay his hands on their little brother again and left the house with him. i’m glad they were there, what i would pay to have someone physically defend little me back then too.

i know i’m mostly projecting here. it’s not about me, it’s about him. but it just hurts cuz i didn’t want him to go through what i did. i thought he would be ok. i never imagined my uncle would do that to him. but i guess no one imagines their family would do such horrible things. but at least my little cousin has the rest of us, because even if my uncle is our family, none of us will ever forgive him for doing such a thing.

my uncle was supposed to be getting baptized this fall. in our denomination you don’t get baptized as a baby, you get baptized when you’re older, it’s like making an oath. but because of this he could lose that opportunity. and i’m glad him and my entire family cares so much about religion because if there’s anything that could ruin him more i’d pay to watch his life and reputation get worse.