#I’m FUXKING DYING

[acesammy]

man how do you tell someone you literally do not have the emotional bandwidth to deal with their breakdown

#Like. Hey stop sending me emotionally manipulative texts I keep having panic attacks when I see them <3 #stop calling me 5 times in a row when it’s almost midnight and I have work tomorrow #like I /do/ care about you but I fuxking /cant/ with this #don’t text me shit like ‘I’m jealous that you can engage in your interests bc I don’t think I’ll ever be able to again’ #bro I am GRASPING at the small amounts of comfort drawing and spn are giving me rn what do you want me to DO #I know I shouldn’t ghost #but that’s what I’ve been doing and I just. #fuck me dude I’m trying to put my focus towards finding jobs to apply to. Towards actually making my hours at my #Current job #bc I have family memebers dying and I need to visit them and the family that is around #Ugh I’m just. Maybe this would’ve gone differently if I wasn’t on the fucking brink already #but I am and I can’t and I cannot be the person you’re obsessed with #Anyways I’m on my lunch break crying in a park and I just want to stop existing #lea speaks #can’t wait to go back and work until 7 bc that’s the only way I can think to make my hours to visit my brother next week #Vent

[ashleyinwondrland]

I’m dying, I started Fantasy High and Brennan fully understands mean girl language

“Omg cute outfit it’s like you don’t even go here”

Fuxking brutal!

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #brennan lee mulligan

[detective-prince-pkmn]

I’m glad you’re alive. I don’t care why, you don’t need a good reason or any reason at all, I am glad that you’re alive.

I know it…. Fuck, dude, I know it sucks. I’ve been there. More times than I care to admit. I get it, okay? Sometimes it feels like the only control you have over your life is the ability to destroy it.

I don’t have an easy answer for what you’re going through right now. But I think if you keep your mons close, you’ll make it out.

@gotta-pet-em-all

i dony WANT to bw alibe if i eas mesnt to bw dead ans judt fot broufht bsck by somrone! i madw mt xhoice in rhat room i qas FINE dting thwre if i DID diw thete rhen whst givws ANYOJE the rifht to brinh me bsck?! what gived them rhe rigjt to fuxking IGNORW my dexision, just becaise THEY sobt like it?! its seldish its so selfish im sick snd fuxking TIREF of judt beinh victin to everyobw elses goddsmn whims

(I don't WANT to be alive if I was meant to be dead and just got brought back by someone! I made my choice in that room I was FINE dying there if I DID die there then what gives ANYONE the right to bring me back?! What gives them the right to fucking IGNORE my decision, just because THEY don't like it?! It's selfish it's so selfish I'm sick and fucking TIRED of just being victim to everyone else's goddamn whims")

#pkmn irl #asks #suicidal ideation tw #suicide tw #persona 5 royal spoilers #persona 5 spoilers #(ask to tag)

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

sneak peak of amnesia au! malec first meeting? 😜

(pls don't kill alec)

with love

Magnus makes a sprint to the hospital knowing that Cat’s going to have his head on a platter if he was late after last night.

He spots Cat near the reception area, talking to a few of her colleagues, chatting lightly.

Grey’s anatomy has portrayed the wrong picture of what goes around in a hospital, not everyone’s sleeping with everyone, people aren’t dying all the time and doctors are not insanely hot.

Not all of them atleast.

He reaches the table and pushes a mug of hot coffee in Cat’s hand, a sheepish smile on his face.

“I’m sorry for last night.” He kisses her on the cheeks.

“Magnus.” Cat chides.

Before Cat can scold him sone more, he takes out the box of cookies from behind him and hands it to Cat and she instantly smiles.

“Hello New York’s finest.” Magnus waves at the rest of them and gets warm hugs in return.

He has knows Cat’s friends for a few years now and have easily become one of their own.

“Those would be cops.”

Magnus waves his hand off.

Cat sips from the hot mug and releases a sigh.

“Oh my god. This is good.” She says. “You’re a saviour and my favourite person on the planet.”

“You said the same thing to me the other day when I switched shifts with you yesterday.” A deep voice from behind him mutters.

Magnus turns to find the owner of the voice and oh-

He was wrong.

Grey’s anatomy has been right all this fuxking time because doctors truly were insanely hot.

Atleast in this hospital.

The man standing in front of him was tall, had dark hair and beautiful eyes that Magnus could easily spend his entire life gazing into.

Fine. He was a thirsty bitch.

“Well, that was yesterday. Today, Magnus is my favorite person. People change, Alec.”

Alec.

So this was the guy Cat has been trying to set him up with all this time but Magnus has been refusing for all the right reasons.

“You’re Magnus?” Alec says, his expression more guarded now.

Well Magnus has refused to go on a date with the guy so he gets it.

“Yeah. And you’re Alec.” He replies, his voice turned soft for some reason.

Keep it in your pants, Magnus.

“You wound me.” Alec grins at Cat. “God, I could kill for some good coffee right now.”

“Aren’t you supposed to save lives or something.” Magnus comments.

Alec lets out a mischievous smiles at that. “Well, I could save them later.”

It’s a beautiful smile.

“And what do you save, darling? Brains? Bones? Kids?”

Alec gives him a challenging smirk at that.

“Hearts.”

Oh.

Oh he was fucked.

Just then, Alec’s pager beeps and his groans.

“I have to go.”

Magnus takes back the box of cookies from Cat’s hands and ignores the sound of protest and pushes the box into Alec’s hand.

“Go save some hearts then, darling.” Magnus gives him a charming smile.

The man blushes at the endearment.

Magnus wonders for a second if this heart surgeon can fix his battered heart too.

#i make no promises of not killing Alec tho #malec amnesia au #magnus bane #alec lightwood

[welcum2mymind]

I just want to be 10% healthier I’m begging on my knees for help from doctors but they won’t help me I don’t understand and I’m so sick and I’m so tired and I’m so much pain physically & mentally and I’m so fragile and weak and sick I’m so sick please FUCKING HELP ME or put me to fucking sleep I’m so tired I’ve been doing this for a DECADE fighting for my life all alone and trying to get doctors to help literally begging for help and no one is listening nobody cares I’m too complicated so fuxk me.

Now that I’m trying to stand up & be assertive as I never stood up for myself I was just kind & played along trying to get them to help me in a “nice” way, now I’ve finally got the courage as I’m literally dying SLOW & PAINFULLY, they STILL WONT FUXKING HELP ME. And the energy, time & money wasted, the mental and physical consequences of trying to get help & not receiving it? I can’t keep doing it like I literally use all of my strength everytime to try to get HELP and it’s just a waste and so damaging and hopeless.

Please someone tell me the point? I’m literally too tired I can’t think I can’t eat I can’t drink I can’t move I’m so weak, I’m in so much pain, literal agony & it’s only getting worse and worse & so is my mental health I literally don’t see a point in it. All my life has consisted of is pain, in every single way shape and form. Neglect, abuse, illness, abuse, illness, abuse, pain, mental, physical & cognitive decline & insanity.

If no one will help me then they should offer medical assisted suicide. I’m not killing myself because doctors won’t help me. The doctors are killing me by not helping me so please just speed it up I’m in so much agony & I’m desperate for relief & I’m not taking the responsibility for my death when it’s not my fault. And even when I do want to commit when my mental health spirals more so than it’s baseline, I can’t because I’m literally in too much pain & too weak & basically paralyzed in my bed unable to move. I’m stuck in this prison with no escape.

This prison is hell and they made sure I couldn’t find a way out. It’s almost impressive.

Once again I’m begging for mercy, if no one will help me please put me fucking down.

Even if I lived in a state where MAID was legal I’d need to have 3 referrals & go to court & have it mandated… if you think I could do that you’re wrong, I can’t even go to the ER because I’m literally BEDBOUND AND UNABLE TO MOVE OR TALK. If I have 15 plus incurable chronic illnesses that all cause thousands of disabling symptoms & live in a constant state of pure agony from intractable chronic SEVERE pain in every single part & place of my body, I should be able to call up a doctor, have them see my medical records; that are literally 20,000 pages long, & have them come put me to sleep. Should be as easy as putting an animal who is suffering down. It’s not fair that I’m trapped. I should have a choice but

clearly this is hell and there’s no escape just constant pain, misery & insanity.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #ehlers danlos syndrome #dysautonomia #intractable #severe pain #i am dying #narcolepsy #chronic fatigue syndrome #fibromyalgia #bpd #always alone #medical abuse #trauma #pots syndrome #actually autistic #adhd inattentive #sorry for being depressing

[come-along-pond]

Tell us MORE about Freyja Trelawney?? 👀 I’m very curious to see her as a Harry ship because we ALL know how much Hermione HATED Divination in the books, especially when one of Trelawney’s two star students (in the books) was Ron’s ex girlfriend.. 😅

@dancingsunflowers-ocs 🖤

Freyja my love. She is Professor Trelawney’s niece and is a ravenclaw in Harry’s year. She has minor seer abilities in the sense that she’s really fuxking good at Divination.

omg Trelawney goes to Harry ‘i sense romance in this room’ and like pushes Fay’s chair over to his and Ron’s table xjkdkd

Freyja’s one vision is of Harry dying in Deathly Hallows and GOD its sad.

She deffo is kidnapped by death eaters at some point

Hermione is pretty chill with her because Fay is like ‘you don’t believe in it and thats fair enough, I know this is the only magic muggles have access to, and real witches don’t do it’

I haven’t fully fleshed out her and Harry’s relationship, but she’s a little weird and a little funny and that draws him to her. lots of pinning. Freyja struggles with feeling like her family’s seer powers are a curse, especially after her aunt spoke the prophecy about Harry that killed his parents.

#harry potter ocs #tw: harry potter #ask about Lucy Porter as well #MXMDMDKKE #oc: Freyja Trelawney

[fogesqu3]

I know I have to wear a tight dress next week yet I still am eating wtf is wrong with me I’m just dying to look bad. I have to wear short everyday at work and I am just burdened all the time by the way I look yet I still have the audacity to eat? fuxk if fasting every other day and omad

[cordialcalliope]

my blog is three years old today or something im not sure I looked at the message for two seconds and started writing this. anyways

i took a nap for forty minutes and had the weirdest fuxking dream. the spiders were back (what a surprise) and a man who sounded distinctly like jonathan sims was arguing with them about the possibilities of the universe and then the spiders Converted him. im not sure what they converted him to but they kept repeating that they converted him and he started glowing like he was radioactive and the spiders came together to form a weird-ass humanoid being. made of thousands of spiders. they like led jonathan sims around and had him walk up to people and those people would just drop dead instantly, and their bodies would freeze up?? which doesn’t make any sense but whatever dream logic . anyways. after they stopped killing people we went up this tower which led to a massive ass hole in the universe and the spiders started jumping through it and told us to follow. i did not want to but jonathan sims threatened my partner and then pushed me in anyway?? the spiders were very annoyed but they were also happy because they were feeding off my fear or something. normal spider things. the hole lead to a planet that i know is a REAL planet because i have a massive hyperfixation on space but i can’t remember the name. this point in the dream is where i begin to understand i am dreaming and jonathan sims tells the spiders that i’m aware now? the spiders then wrapped my entire body in their silk and kept repeating a bunch of stuff in hungarian which i understood (i don’t speak hungarian.) about cows and sacrifices and keys to the universe?? (I asked a friend who understood Hungarian about some of the words I heard and he was like. Haha lol that’s right how did you know that, did you use Google translate etc etc, and i went . no I heard them in my dream. And he looked straight into the camera and laughed (we were on a video call) ) and then jonathan sims blasted me with his radioactivity and told me it was pride month and i died but like . I didn’t wake up yet

i was in this weird purgatory place with some guy who had a fucked up voice that was similar to michael’s from tma but it was distinctly Not Michael bc he 1) was not british and 2) did not sound anything similar to michael’s voice actor. he was american and asked me a bunch of questions about what it was like to have met jonathan sims in person. i told him i wanted to kill him a bit and then the guy started to melt and let out these really awful screams that sounded like . if you could imagine what a black hole sounds like with a billion fluorescent lights dying out and being sucked into it ?? with some echoey qualities that are guaranteed to make your ears bleed . That would be the sound. and then i got consumed by the All-Seeing-Many-Eyed-Elongated-Soul-Devouring god that the guy said he mentioned earlier but actually didn’t (this name was beamed into my head like a radio signal being picked up after moving slightly to the right with your device) and i woke up after i watched the guy i was with die

it felt really long even though I was only asleep for forty minutes. my brain worked overtime to produce all that shit. idont understand where half of the material was sourced from

i am so sick of the spiders

anyway blog birthday woohoo confetti confetti yay

#I am not clinically insane i just have stupidly vivid dreams #mainly about spiders #spiders mention #jonathan sims tma #dreams #like really weird dreams #im sick of spiders #i forgot to mention but jonathan sims’ face was also super clear. It was so vivid

[fucklovefucklight]

I need a place to put this so no one can see it and that is here. I wish someone in my life knew I had a tumble. I wish I had a bond with someone so intimate I could poke up the parts of me that I bury under fakeness. All my interactions feel fake lately. Who in my life knows the 13 year old me who would cling to tumblr as a coping mechanism. Who was messaging their first partner at 12 and their best friend who I kissed once and then regretted. Who in my life knows about the many moon phases of life I’ve transitioned through and how the current one im in is dark and lonely and I’ve been there for what feels like forever. I fucking miss her. I compare everyone to casey. Casey was fucking shit to me and yet I compare everyone to her. I can’t even make fuxking friends without shutting myself off because that is how she started in my life. If I go back to therapy it will be because of that selfish fucking taurus bitch. That is ugly language but she was an ugly partner and did ugly fucking things. I still remember the last night I kissed her and lying on my cold apartment floor rolling after she told me she just wanted to fuck then go to sleep when we both took drugs. Being with her was the Casey show and that was fine for me because that’s all I grew up around. The Michele show, the jack show, the being used for others needs then discarded show. At first with Casey I thought I had manifested my dream partner but in reality the universe was testing me with having the perfect partner already in my life and letting Casey home wreck the fuck out of it. I’m tired of using luna as an excuse. Her dying was traumatic but not the reason I started dating Casey. I fucking cheated on linda numerous times, and almira too. Addie was the last good love I had in me and it took me all of college to “get over her” and now I find myself in the same predicament. I also find myself being painfully aware that without connection and love there is really nothing to live for. I don’t want to grow old alone even if I say I do. I don’t want to have kids as a single parent even though I say I will. I want a fucking family more than anything on this earth. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going on pretending that I don’t care about being lonely or constantly moving or being lonely or constantly moving. If I knew there was someone to take care of sol there are many times I would have driven off the mountain I was living on in Mariposa. In highschool, there was a reason I got into so many car crashes and I have never said that out loud before but it’s true. I didn’t fucking care about my life and I do now but not enough to want to live it alone. Everyone I talk too bores me, everyone I miss disgusts me, everyone I meet disappoints me and I have genuinely felt like I’m asexual for a while now. I feel like a fuxking shell of the person I used to be and I know nostalgia is a liar but is so fucking good at manipulating it doesn’t feel like lies. I don’t dream about her as much but when I do I wake up and feel like crying and cutting my entire body up. So I come here or my notes and write. Because I cannot keep that feeling of a mixture of disgust and longing inside me any longer. Everyone always leaves even if I’m the first to go. I have never had someone stay even if I’m the one to push them away I just want someone to fucking push back. To fucking see me and challenge me and not leave me. I just want a fucking human to share this fuck ass existence with

[bu-t--t]

so i think about dying every day and have for most of my life so i pretty much always will,

and now sometimes a special treat with that is thinking about how i told my “best friend” who responded to me with, “tell your therapist.” i asked to have an emotional conversation and to not have to make plans and leave with actions because i was simply feeling upset for a good long while and i wanted to feel my feelings and she said, go tell your therapist.

and then on top of asking to talk about her hand in hospitalizing me and she told me to go talk to my parents. it’s bat shit fuxking insane she went and talked shit on me to mutual friends after making it overwhelmingly obvious she doesn’t want to be around me. it blows my fucking mind that she could not admit to herself how much she didn’t like me and i didn’t like her and she was so fucking mad that i said it that she turned around and acted confused and said shit like, “i just care about her.” like i’m a bitch for not inviting you to coffee to break up when you made it glaringly obvious you don’t want to talk to me? you don’t give a shit. i made you uncomfortable a lot and you were consistently frustrated with how to get it over with. and maybe that’s entertaining.

my favorite hobby since about 2007 is crying. i documented that in an email to a better friend i lost to time. much prefer it that way.

#personal

[harryforvogue]

not sure if you’re a logan lerman fan but did you see his pics for the w magazine 🫣😍

i’m fuxking DYING.

[unadulteratedhate]

i really don’t see any reason to keep going on. im tired and no one understands that.. im tired of loving harder than im loved. im tired of wishing for a friend like me. what did i do to deserve this treatment by the closest to me? i give my all in every fuxking relationship .. yet no one gives a fuxk.

you tell me you’re depressed and suicidal, I’ll neva leave your side. ever.

I’ll tell mfs I’m depressed or suicidal, or even give off the signs? and they’ll leave me where I’m standing.

loyalty is a dying trait, one that’s going extinct.

[haydenbadartist]

Hold up

You mean to tell me that there’s a queer baiting Sherlock Holmes x Moriarty anime that exists in the world and I only JUST NOW FOUND OUT ABOUT IT

#I’m FUXKING DYING #WHO WROTE THIS SHIT #I thought the Sherlock fandom would die by now it’s stronger than ever #and now anime apparently #hold a gun to my head and pull the trigger

[theamazingannie]

Why they gotta fuck up TK literally every season lmao

#911 lone star #911 lone star spoilers #tk strand #like first he gets shot #then he gets kidnapped #then he gets trapped in a fire #and now He’s just fuxking dying #like i know why #it’s cuz he’s all our favorites so he’s an emotional draw #which is why they can’t kill him #you know everyone would stop watching if they killed him #so I’m just holding onto that now #but the fact that they made tk and Carlos break up and won’t tell us why is pissing me off #like Yeah go ahead and cause drama we need some angst #but dont wait 4+ episodes to tell us #also I didn’t even know the show was back until today whoops #i thought it came back this week but it’s week 3 lmao #Im loving the fact that the characters are sharing the screen time tho #i didnt need Owen to leave the show i just needed him not to hog it

[genderfreakxx]

Talking to cis people about trans things- no matter how deeply you love them or they love you- is so fundamentally fucking exhausting

I really wish I could get the nerve to reach out to a trans community of literally any shape or form but I’m so god damn shy it’s absurd

[edit] wow I literally reached tag capacity with this one. That has never happened to me before- didn’t even know tag capacity was a thing. Anyway, the last tag I wanted to add was

“All I want is for that to happen ALL the time”

#every time I talk to my mom (whomst I love more than anyone in the world) she tells me to find a group of trans folks online to talk to #but!! I’m so fuken nervous and shy I always chicken out #I’ve joined like four Facebook groups- posted once- liked about a dozen posts- and then ran away in fear #trigger warning suicide mention in tags coming up so don’t read if you’re goin through some shit my guy!!!!! #but like deadass no joke I would kind of rather die than lay myself bare to anyone. like. to be as pre-transition as I am? #to be as non-passing as I am and claim to be trans? #I bared witness to so much unmitigated vitriol against non-passing trans folks in my youth that I’m scared shitless to even dip my toes in #like. if im not ripped as hell with a baratone voice and a beard what the fuck am I even doing #that’s legitimately how I feel #at least to some extent #I really like being feminine. I just. want to be seen as a feminine man. #I don’t work out. I wear makeup. I would grow a beard if my fuken hair would grow in faster!!!! #all I fucken want is to pass as a man. #but it’s coming so slowly #I’ve been on t for so long now. and still I don’t pass #and even if I worked out I fucken bet I wouldn’t pass #because I have dyed hair down to my shoulders #and piercings. and tattoos. and fuxking noodle arms #I’m feminine okay #but. I’m still a man. even if I die alone. I’m not doing this for anyone else. I’m doing it for me and my comfort in this one life I have #I’m taking measures to become me. to become comfortable in the life and body ive been given #if no one else ever sees that in a truly romantic sense I’ll be okay as long as I can pass to the general public #I hate myself for saying it but I really do just want to pass #but like. all I want is a deep voice and a flat chest. #the rest be damned #all I’ve been saying for fucking YEARS now is that I want a deep voice and a flat chest. #THATS IT #and it’s ALMOST working. #customers at my work call me sir. man. dude. boss. brother. #I light up inside every fucking time.

[malewife-central]

Genshin Impact headcanons for being stuck in a sweltering hot car because I am ✨dying✨

Note: I’m trapped in a hot car and I wanna die….anyways here’s some headcanons I wrote to distract myself from the suffering :’)

Warnings: Swearing, All caps, Some mild threats and fight, and bad grammar and punctuation.

You and your group of friends have your car breakdown while you’re on a road trip. how would they all act while stuck in the sweltering hot car waiting for someone to pick you all up?

—Diluc

This poor man is already really hot all the time and now he’s fuxking stuck in a hot car?? Kill him he’s going insane.

He and Kaeya are at each other’s throats because Kaeya is being a bastard like always

Diluc is the one who called the people to come pick you up and is the one who brings the unfortunate news that you’ll be stuck there for an hour or two…He’s sorry please don’t be mad :(

—Kaeya

*laughs in cryo vision*

This mf laughs at yours and everyone else’s suffering like a fucking asshole but will shut up if you glare at him hard enough…but only for a short while cause he’s a bastard

Diluc gets pissed at him for making fun of everyone and the heat just makes everyone even more tense until the two start actually having a brotherly fight.

—Venti

He’s also kind of a bastard but he has the kindness to tell everyone to open the windows so he can call upon some wind and cool everything down a bit.

Plays a song for everyone on his lyre but it’s the same song over and over again and it slowly drives everyone insane.

“Well everyone! I hope you’re ready here’s wonderwall :)”

Narrates the battle between Diluc and Kaeya and laughs when Lisa goes apeshit on them.

—Lisa

Is the only one with spotify premium so she plays actually good music to drown out Venti’s bullshit

Has some cold tea in a thermos and will share if you ask nicely enough but once that drink runs out she’ll slowly start to get more and more irritated so…drink it all at your own risk

Offers to do the makeup of anyone next to her once she gets bored enough…Sit next to her she’s the best I stg 😭

Gets sick and tired of Diluc and Kaeya fighting and will either put headphones in to ignore the fight or yell at Kaeya and Diluc to shut up before she castrates them

—Zhongli

Zhongli wears a coat fuckin everywhere and now he’s dying of heat because of it…But he’s still good to sit next to cause you’ll be able to have deep conversations with him to ignore the heat…

Also probably has a cold thermos filled with water but will only share with you and Xiao because it was already mostly gone

Tries to get kaeya and Diluc to stop fighting cause it’s giving Xiao and him a headache until Lisa snaps and tells the two brothers that she’ll kill them if they don’t shut the fuck up

—Childe

THIS MF I SWEAR TO GOD

He ALSO makes fun of everyone for being hot even though HES ALSO DYING

Eventually gets too hot to keep teasing everyone and laughs the entire time Venti narrates the fight

Has a small drink cup but his cold drink slowly warms up and tastes like absolute shit…He still drinks it after he gets desperate

—Xiao

He puts headphones in and ignores everyone but if you ask nicely and give him puppy dog eyes he’ll share an earbud with you 🥺

Didn’t bring a drink and now feels stupid for it…Thankfully Zhongli shares some of his cold water with you and Xiao or he’d have died of heatstroke

Stays on his phone the whole time until it dies and he’s stuck listening to Kaeya and Diluc bicker…poor thing gets a headache from it and he and Zhongli have to try and get them both to calm down…

used just my favorite characters because I’m dying and I haven’t ever written for Genshin Impact before so….please be nice 🥲

•Reblogs are appreciated•

#Genshin impact x reader #Genshin impact headcanons #Genshin impact Xiao x reader #Genshin impact Diluc x reader #x gn reader #genshin impact Kaeya x reader #genshin impact Zhongli x reader #genshin impact venti x reader #genshin impact childe x reader #genshin impact Lisa x reader #my writing #genshin impact