#I’ll answer what I’m up for if my ADHD can process it lol

[burninlovebutler]

1,000 Follower Party 🥹

when i came back to tumblr, i never expected to have the experience i’ve had or make the connections & friend’s i’ve made - friends that i consider some of my best friends now.

i also didn’t expect the love i’ve received for my writing, it has been truly overwhelming (in a good way obv) - my numbers aren’t the highest but i am so grateful for my time here & the people i’ve met - thank you for all the laughs, cries, screams lol they make me so happy. you all have shown me a kindness that is such a bold reflection of elvis 🥺 it’s so beautiful & it just makes me wanna pay it forward

and thank you for accepting me & letting me take up some space here 💗

**since i do get quite overwhelmed easily with asks (bc my adhd) i can’t guarantee that i’ll be able to do all of them or that they’ll be done quickly but i will try my best to do most!**

(this is long bc i’ve never done a follower celebration before so i’m making up for lost time lol prob nobody cares & this is prob lame but 😭 idk)

anyway send me an ask w one of these if u want ☺️💘

🍉 - About me / Commentary / Opinion

-tell me about yourself / introduce yourself to me if you haven’t already or ask me anything about myself that you’re curious about or just rant about anything!

-idk people come to me for advice often about random stuff ? could be anything you want or writing related! or ask my opinion on anything fandom related or not

👻 - Title Game

-send in a made up fic title and I'lI tell you what I'd write for it 💓

🤗 - Thoughts on you!

- self explanatory - if you wanna hear my thoughts about you💕

📝 - Quotes (specify which you’d prefer)

- random quotes from WIPs

- or fav quote from existing works

💿 - Playlists

2 options for this one:

Send me A or B & i’ll make/write a short 3-6 song playlist for you 💗

A - send me either austin or elvis + a fav trope / vibe / mini fic idea OR any of my fics regarding a certain scene or dynamic

B - send me either austin or elvis + your personal typa vibe/aesthetic/etc

(perhaps also include like what kinda music u listen to / any specific artist you like so i can include some if they overlap w my library ?)

ALSO - specify if you have spotify or not!

🦋 - Moodboards

similar to ^ playlists

send me A or B [+ the respective details] & i’ll make a 3-6 pic mini moodboard for you 💓

👀 - My fics

-ask me about any of my fics! send me one of my fics & talk/ask me anything about them like how i got the idea / ideas for certain plots or scenes or my writing process or my fav lines/plots/scenes or anything really idk

- or hints out of context 🤭 i love doing those

👽 - Head Cannons

-ask me about a specific fic of mine OR elvis/austin under a certain setting / trope / plot / pairing & i’ll share/make some head cannons for it

🌸 - Recommendations

-recommend some things for me! movies, shows, music, makeup!!/skincare!, tarot decks, books, anything & i’ll answer w some of my own 💓

since my writing process is rather lengthy & intricate i don’t like to write blurbs or take requests etc. so unfortunately i can’t be like y’all that can write/post a million lil stories effortlessly ☹️ i so wish i could, i’m just not built like that 😭

HOWEVER it seems just wrong for me to not include some sort of fic component in my celebration since i am mainly a fic blog SO

i decided i wanted to do a lil contest ??? idk lol

🦋winner will receive a imagine/one shot with the plot request of their choosing🦋

TO ENTER:

- make sure you are following me lol

- like & reblog this post

- comment 🍉🥀 on this post

- comment something that made you happy today 💓

- bonus entry: reblog this w proof that you took a drink of water when you read this 💗 (empty water bottle/cup or something!)

that’s it!

💗whenever the winner is chosen i will convene with them directly on what sort of fic they want & i will write one for them (tho it may take some time lol) 💗

✨contest will be open for the next 2 weeks & the winner will be chosen at random around then! [04.07.23]✨

tagging some of my fav people i’ve met through this blog/fandom 🥰

@cryingabtab @lllsaslll @presleysdarling @loving-elvis @samfangirls @bisexualwvtson @troubleinapinksuit @karamelcoveredolicity @lindszeppelin @succsessions @steph-speaks @luluthesandgoose @ab4eva @softsatnin @elvisfatass @homerow99 @michellelv @flwrs4aust @powerofelvis @elvisabutler @sournatromanoff @jelliedonut @sagesolsticewrites @fangirlwithasweettooth @thatbanditqueen @purejasmine @slowsweetlove @areacodefan @generoustreemystic @golden-kiwis

and so many more 😭 anyone whom i’ve inevitably missed due to my overly medicated rotting brain 😭

again i love you all so much 🥺 thank you for letting me be a part of this beautiful little family 🥺💗

-mel xx

#i love you all so much 😭 #also this feels so lame lol sorry if this is lame #i feel like i’m missing people in my tags 😭😭😭 #pls don’t be offended if i missed u i just have the brain of a goldfish #and my extensive medication regimen is deteriorating my brain #1000 followers #1000 follower party #1000 milestone #1000 follower celebration #🎉🎉 #austin butler #elvis #elvis presley #austin butler elvis #elvis movie #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fandom #elvis presley fandom #elvis 2022 #elvis fanfic

[professor-rye]

10, 20, 30, 40 for the weird writer asks!

Thank you for sending me some questions! Apologies in advance for how much I ended up rambling 😅

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Oh gosh. Definitely Dapple. I was worried that I wouldn’t finish the very beginning idea I had (which ended up just being act 1), so I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when not only did I finish that, but then it kept going… and going… *and going.* I’ve always been good at coming up with ideas for long fics, but never before (or since) have I ever been able to actually *stick* with writing them, let alone so consistently. For some reason, for Dapple, my ADHD brain said “This is your life now and you are addicted”. It literally was what kept me on this earth for a while there. It unironically saved my life. And then it just… disappeared. 

My brain no longer wanted to think about it, and it was only habit keeping me going for a while there. I pushed past that point way too far and got burnt out, and I’m still waiting, desperately hoping, that the floodgates will open again. And not just because I want to finish it, mind you. Like I said, writing and posting dapple did so much good for me. It was a safe harbor in a storm. It helped me process some of the worst traumas in my life. It got me *so many friends*. I can not express enough how much I miss it. …. Gods, okay, that got way deeper than I intended. Apologies! Gods… well uh, on to the next question!

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

Well, after the last question, I think the answer is probably obvious lol. No question at all, I would pick to perfectly finish Dapple (Gods, and if that also let me get the sequel idea I had as well?? And also all the side fics??? Shit I would sell my soul for that). (It also doesn’t help that I am ace and have trouble contemplating the idea of magically gifted eternal happiness, so like… it was just very stacked in Dapple’s favor already)

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

So, its kind of complicated? I am very much so that writer who just daydreams about fic ideas as I lay down to sleep every night, so there is a very hazy period during the in between where sometimes I’ll get ideas that I can actually remember the next morning.

But I don’t think they’re actual dreams, because my normal dreams tend to be a) incredibly stressful and b) about the most boring stuff imaginable, which is quite the combo. 

But I will say that the pre-sleep daydreaming feels so different from any other actual plotting that I do. It’s very… gods, how do you describe this… 

There’s a thing I learned in art school where you step away from your composition and squint till you can only see the hazy outlines of the different elements of the work. Or like when they tell you to turn the painting upside down for a bit to see what isn’t working. The pre-sleep daydreaming always involves reimagining the scenes I had already thought about during more lucid moments, but looking at the broader strokes and the pure emotion of it (because sleepy). 

So most of the “ideas” I got from those moments were realizations that certain elements didn’t quite work the way I wanted them to, and then once I was actually lucid, I could think back on it and then (sometimes) realize a better way to handle that particular part. 

So… yeah? It’s hard to say if that counts as dreams specifically, but it’s also a really big part of my writing… existence? Process feels weird to say there lol. But yeah, it felt relevant to share. 

Gods, I’m rambling again. Last question! 

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

(not me taking several days to find this poem because my memory is terrible and I kept mixing up the line I was searching)

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb. ~ Mary Oliver

So yeah, if anyone else wants to send questions, here is the original question list post thingy. I will try not to ramble quite so much next time 😅

#my writing #writer ask game #dappled shadow and penumbral light #fan fiction writing

[thatadhdfeel]

I’ve seen a couple posts about food, which is one thing I’ve struggled with due to my ADHD a fair amount lol. One thing I do (that may or may not be the best thing but hey sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do) to help with food boredom is to lean into it and actually eat similar food really often while I’m in into it again instead of forcing myself to switch it up. It’s nice in theory but when I try to force myself to switch it up all the time, I get more food boredom, I forget to eat more often, I put off cooking and grocery shopping more, and I eat on a more unhealthy schedule.

So, instead of feeling bad that only one type of food sounds good to me for a week (kind of like a mini-hyperfixation craving or something) and trying to snap myself out of it, I just eat that until I get tired of it. If I like it for a week(s), then I should use that to my advantage to combat food boredom and eat it til I’m tired of it. Not the exact same dish every day usually, but if I’m like hey, I haven’t had Mexican food for a while that sounds good, I can buy the stuff to make Mexican food at the store, which makes it easier for me because I can shop for one type of cuisine and not have to juggle getting enough for multiple types of meals. This makes grocery shopping a lot more approachable in my head, and I’m less likely to keep putting it off.

Once I’ve bought the food, it’s a lot easier for me to cook too. Instead of, what am I going to have for dinner tonight? What ingredients do I have and what can I make, or what should I cook for dinner tonight? That can lead to me getting decision paralysis or a bout of executive dysfunction and not cooking and wasting food. Instead, those questions are answered for me to a degree. You’re having Mexican food this week. So then I find it easier to go start cooking.

Another thing is, typically with most cuisines/food genres, there’s space to mix it up or to make sure you’re still eating the basic food groups. For the example of Mexican, eating something smothered in cheese might be a nice treat one night, but having a veggie burrito or something (or just making sure they’re included in the meal) most of the nights ensures that I’m not stuck with nothing but unhealthy food. I can still eat this food but try to make it healthier where I can.

I can continue with this pattern until I hit the point of, hm I’ve eaten a lot of Mexican food recently and think I’m tired of it. This way, I get the longest reprieve from food boredom, even if it still hits me eventually. Trying to force myself to eat different foods every other night for the sake of trying to be a “real adult” with diverse meals just means I’ll still lose that Mexican food craving I had eventually, but the whole time I had it I was still struggling with food boredom because I was trying to eat meals that I wasn’t into at the time. When I do get bored of that food, I usually rely on a couple different types of snacks and things or struggle for a while until the next, hm you know what I haven’t had Southern cooking in a while I should have that, and then I repeat the process. Eventually, much later, it will be long enough since I’ve eaten that thing that I’ll cycle back through it and want it again.

Basically, fighting your ADHD symptoms is sometimes more effort than it’s worth when it’s potentially hurting your health in the meantime. Rather than try to force through food boredom, listen to your some of your meal cravings and lean into if it helps you shop, cook, and eat more regularly for a while instead of trying to force through the symptoms and do what neurotypicals usually do if it will just lead to you not eating enough anyway. I’d suggest finding one or two easy comfort meals you can rely on when in between food hyperfixation cravings, and don’t force yourself to eat things you absolutely hate unless it’s a suggestion from a doctor or something. On trips, I kept forcing myself to buy sandwich meat and bread because everyone told me that it was the easiest and best option. I ate that for lunch so much as a child that I pretty much almost never enjoy it now so despite good intentions to eat it, I wouldn’t and I’d just eat snacks or not eat and it’d all spoil. Instead, buying a pack of protein bars and some apple slices or something was better for me (even though almost everyone else considered that worse) because at least I was eating something instead of buying deli meat and then not eating and letting it spoil. These kinds of tactics have actually helped me be healthier in the long run because it helps me eat more regularly and not always revert to just straight up snack food.

TLDR; When it comes to food and ADHD, do what you gotta do to eat as regularly and healthily as you can. Don’t make it harder on yourself just because that’s what’s normal for other people.

#long post #adhd #actuallyadhd #mod jordan #tips

[wander-wren]

Ok, here goes! I wanna preface this by saying that I've been in a serious writing rut for like the past six months, to the point where I've pretty much given up on my WIPs. It's not that I don't want to write, or that I don't have ideas, but the actual work of sitting down and getting words on the page feels like pulling my own teeth out. So I'm conducting research on writers I admire to see if I can learn anything from their processes. And so, without further ado:

How long have you been writing?

Do you start out knowing what's gonna happen in the story, like with a plot chart and everything, or does the story take shape as you go along?

Do you write in big chunks or a little bit at a time?

How many drafts do you typically do? Is your first draft usually like word vomit or something a little more polished?

Do you have a beta reader?

What's your editing process like?

Is there a certain time or place where you prefer to write?

What do you consider the hardest part of writing?

Have you ever struggled with perfectionism in your writing? Do you have any tricks for bypassing that "EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT" wall in your brain and just get words on the page?

That was a lot lol. Of course you don't have to answer all of them, but any insight you're willing to give will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you very much <3

woo okay let’s tackle this!! under the cut bc Long. strap in folks

How Long Have You Been Writing?

in any shape or form: since maybe 6 years old? but i started writing fanfiction at 12, started getting serious about writing in general at 15, and threw myself full tilt into fanfic at 17, so currently i haven’t written original fiction Really since june. which is a complicated answer. you didn’t specify if this is about original stuff or fic, but i’ll try to answer from both perspectives bc my process for each is wildly different.

Plotter or Pantser?

for both original fiction and longfics, i’m solidly in the middle; i usually start with a list of things i want to happen, and i always need some idea of where i’m going to end, even if it changes later. from there, i start writing the first few chapters. when i feel like i have a more solid grasp of where i’m going, i outline chapter-by-chapter through one “section” of the story, however i define that. once im done that section, i outline again. this gives me a lot more freedom to change things as i go and adapt to new decisions i make. i also add random ideas to my masterlist of stuff that i might want to include further down the line as i go.

with oneshots i never, or almost never, have a plan beyond the premise/summary, so they frequently get away from me and do all kinds of random things.

Big Chunks or Little At a Time?

i’m gonna say big chunks? i have adhd so i frequently hyperfixate on my projects and can work on them for hours and hours on end, which i don’t exactly recommend, but it happens. at any given time i have a “main” wip or two that i work on pretty much daily, and then others scattered around that i might pick up for a few hours if i get bored. but i try to finish fics as fast as possible bc if i move on there’s a 50% chance i won’t come back, at least not for months.

How Many Drafts?

for fanfic? one. every once in a while if something is REALLY not working i’ll rewrite sections, so that’s like 1.5 drafts, but it’s free labor i do for fun so while i take pride in it and want it to be good, i’m not going to expend THAT much energy, yknow?

for original stuff, like if we’re talking novels…at least three drafts? i haven’t gotten that far with most of my projects so i’m still learning about myself, but my general process seems to be that the first draft is about getting the main story beats and the emotions down. my first draft is always very heavy on the angst and catharsis, sometimes overdramatically so, bc there’s less plot to hold it up. then my second draft is more about plot and realism and structure, but i tend to lose some emotions in trying to do that. my third draft is about combining the two and continuing to polish stories/characters. i haven’t written any fourth drafts, so i’m not sure whats beyond that.

and my first drafts tend to be very polished. i wrote a little rant explaining the history of that aspect of my writing not long ago, so i won’t get into it again. part of that is just how i’ve always been, part of it is practice. i do feel sometimes that i write pretty enough to cover up structural/realism/continuity issues, which can be frustrating when looking for critique from people who can’t see past it.

Beta Reader?

yes! i have a small group of writer friends that i share things with, but that is pretty much always for cheer-betaing and minor critiques unless i ask for actual criticism, which i only do with my original stuff when i get to the second/third draft, partly bc it’s not ready before then, and partly because it’s a lot of mental work for the other people. shoutout to my main bnha betas, @rangerlexi and @spacetime-enthusiast, who are, as i said, mainly cheer betas, tho mav is also my resident bakugo expert bc he’s very hard for me to write sometimes. getting better tho!

can’t recommend finding betas enough, even if just to cheer you on. hell, i can’t make promises about super long works or original fic, but i’m always down to read fanfiction. i don’t even bite, i swear. obligatory note that you do gotta trust ppl tho yada yada thieves exist and mean people exist etc etc

Editing Process?

for fanfic: typically i reread one or two times right away while all my thought processes are fresh in my head. i’ll make spot edits and add or delete things here and there. then depending on how impatient i am, i wait a day or a few to send it to my betas and/or reread and edit again myself. then i post and i’m done!

for original works: i don’t bother to edit first drafts, or even second drafts sometimes. when it’s time to prep for a second draft, i reread and make notes on what i want to keep and what i want to change, then use those notes to make my next skeletal outline. usually my stories change drastically from one draft to the next, but the last time i did a third draft, i wanted it to be pretty close to the structure of the second, so instead of outlining at all i just did splitscreen and wrote the whole third draft while looking at the second, sometimes basically retyping a page word for word, sometimes going “well, that chapter is pointless” and skipping it entirely. when it came to line editing, i used hemingway bc i don’t trust computers to do my editing, BUT the different colored highlights were helpful to break up the monotony. hemingway is a lot more focused on concise/readable sentences and cutting adverbs than anything else, which was good for me as an overwriter. i cut 22k words the last time i used it, from a 130k draft.

Best Time or Place?

not really? i write everywhere and constantly. the advice about finding your niche of productive time never seemed to work for me because, as long as i’m not blocked/stuck, i pretty much always kind of want to write.

Hardest Part?

DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS OH MY GOD IT’S THE WORST. sorry. i hate. doing that. becoming friends? becoming family? falling in love? god. kill me. i love all [thing] to lovers in reading but in writing i tend to drift toward best friends to lovers bc then it’s kind of close. i love writing about people in relationships, tension and banter and softness and fights, but getting there is so awful.

Are You a Perfectionist? Tips?

hm. gonna try to answer this honestly and in the least asshole-ish sounding way possible lmao.

i’m not really a perfectionist? not in writing, anyway, idk about other stuff. but also it’s just like…i know i’m good at what i do. not perfect—i can see flaws in things i wrote even a few months ago—but good. More Than Satisfactory. sometimes fics just don’t work and i abandon them, sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what i’m doing, but i’m not generally paralyzed by the need for anything to be perfect because i’m happy where i am?

that’s a hard mindset to get to, though. and you will for sure feel good about something and then dislike it in a few months or years. that’s just the nature of improving your craft. i think if i had any tips, though, i would say a few things.

watch this video essay, the whole thing but specifically 5:39-9:20. i love cj the x and i agree with many of his takes on art, so. some of his other essays might be helpful as well but that one i know talks specifically about perfectionism.

or if you don’t want to, just have this quote that melted my brain a little when i heard it. “perfectionism is not an inherently bad impulse. but you have to earn that. you don’t get to be a perfectionist if it is unproven up to this point if you can even make a thing.”

read bad stories. like genuinely i’m such a petty spiteful person oops so. i don’t really seek them out much but reading like, really really badly written work is like “well, if that’s the bar, at least i’ve cleared it.” obviously don’t go attacking creators or posting the work to make fun of it, but read it. maybe make notes of exactly why it’s bad for yourself, even, it might help you get better at identifying problems in your own work if you can figure out why things are bad beyond just “i don’t like it.” there, that sounds less mean, right?

just post your shit, tbh. put it out there. most people on the internet, in fandoms, they’re nice, if you curate your space properly. it’s a confidence boost! put something out there that’s less-than-perfect, get a couple of kudos and realize the world didn’t implode, and maybe, maybe it’ll be easier to start/finish next time.

you kinda just gotta accept that you need practice, my dude. like. you can’t closer to perfect without work!! we know this!! just do it. i know i just said to post things but also if you hate what you made no one!! else!! has!! to!! know!! it can be a secret. it’s okay. this coming from a chronic oversharer lol i have the worst time trying not to shove my stuff at people….which, actually, kinda worked better as motivation for me, bc i couldn’t share something unfinished, so i had to Do The Thing in order to get validation/feedback/critique like i wanted. so either way, whatever works better for you.

The End

so yeah, those are my answers, i guess? i hope that makes sense and helps and everything!! i’m really sorry you’re in a rut, that’s the worst. if you have any more questions or just wanna chat about what you’re writing feel free to come say hi again!

#a little birdie asked me #wooo this was fun #i love talking about writing and as such ive already infodumped to most of my friends :(( #i love how my approach to og stuff is like so much more meticulous and then fanfic is like #it exists? cool my work here is done #not that i dont care a shitton about my fic. i absolutely do #but i got better things in life (read: more fanfiction) to be working on #i cant be agonizing over here #esp for 0 american dollars lol #wren wrambles #always forget the longpost tag

[nami-moittli]

1, 11, 15, and 25? for the ask game :]

1) who is on your Home Screen right now?

Cater! Specifically his ceremonial robes card. Whenever a birthday happens I like to put the birthday boy (or girl, in a few cases lol) on the Home Screen, and I haven’t bothered to switch him out for someone else yet lol

11) favorite dorm uniform?

Oooh, this one’s tough. They’re all very pretty! Maybe not Igni, but I do like a lot of them! I’m just going to go with my gut and say Pomefiore and Heartslabyul. Tho, specifically Heartslabyul’s dorm leader uniform.

15) you get to change one person’s hairstyle, whose is it, and what are you changing it to?

Ugh, this is hard. I’m honestly not very good at design, which is why I usually use Gacha cause it’s way easier. I actually lowkey hate my Yuu’s hair, but I’ve gotten used to it and wouldn’t know what to change it too.

But for my actual answer, I think I’d want to change someone’s hair that I HATE drawing, so maybe Sebek? While I understand why his hair is slicked back like that, I like his hair down way more, and while I haven’t tried to draw it yet, I’d bet it’s way easier. Bc this is my attempt of slicked back hair-bek 😭😭😭

Who knows, maybe I’m just shit at drawing?

25) who is the first person to be banned from ramshackle?

My gut instinct is Floyd, simply because of his nature and stuff, but I’ll try process of elimination-ing it

None of the first years, they’re all over every weekend for a sleepover, so they’re all out

I think I can eliminate the OB boys too? They need somewhere to chill where it’s quiet, and ramshackle’s a good place for that. Someone like Vil is on thin ice tho, bc I know he’d be up on my ass for the mess. I do need motivation to clean tho, bc, ✨ADHD✨ so I suppose it could help a bit, but yeah. Thin ice bud

The rest of the 3rd years? Trey and Cater, they’re both good 👍, Rook, ehhhh, again, thin ice. Tho I do think that he’d have to be banned from a 4 mile radius of Ramshackle, due to his scary eyesight. Lilia, he’s banned from the kitchen at least. I don’t think he’s banned from Ramshackle in its entirety tho.

2nd years? Ruggie’s cool. Plus he canonically helps the ghosts out as a side hustle, so he’s there like every week, even he doesn’t go into the dorm. Jade, uhmm, I think that if I was in Twst, he’d scare me, plus with the whole stealing ramshackle stuff that happened, I don’t think I nor the ghosts would feel comfortable with him there. So, probably. Floyd, like I said, is my gut instinct. Kalim, he’s good! Silver is also fine 👍

So, in conclusion, probably Floyd or Jade gets banned first. Sorry Clove

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst ask game

[kazmybeloved]

Hello!!

I'm new to the fandom and i still haven't read the books but i see all this discussion about soc3 and a potential death of a character (especially kaz) and i need to ask why do you guys think that it will be him. Or that it will be a death scene at all. I spoiled myself and know that she killed *SPOILER* matthias (idk what other famous ship you were referring to.. darklina?) but i was thinking about it.. killing any other character may be bad publicity for her? Wylan and jesper are in the lgbt community, i read that kanej represent asexual love (?) and kaz is disabled.. plus the characters had gotten huge publicity now with the series so wouldn't fans be disappointed? Wouldn't she have to think about all that before killing someone?

Idk maybe I'm scared and in denial and I'm searching for excuses lol😅 I hate it when they kill off characters.. Anyway i just wanted your opinion on the matter guys. Thanks for listening to my rant!😄

first off, welcome to the fandom! 😆

ah man idk how much i wanna tell u if u haven’t read the books, but if ur okay with spoilers then read on:

ok so basically in six of crows and crooked kingdom, there have been many hints that kaz might end up dying. one notable quote was when matthias tells kaz that one day his luck is going to run out. obviously kaz replies with some snarky comment lol but leigh is really sneaky with her subtle foreshadowing, and a lot of the fandom has latched on to that one quote.

some people believe it might be jesper or wylan, but it seems like jesper is the obvious choice. and that seems to be because of all the sad headcanons that if they both survive, jesper will end up outliving wylan since he is grisha. but, if jesper dies before then, the whole outliving the love of his life won’t happen. either way, the wesper ending is gonna hurt like a bitch.

but i personally think wesper are gonna be ok, cuz most of the hints and foreshadowing is currently surrounding kaz

we think there’s gonna be a major death for sure because leigh has a track of killing half of famous fandom ships. so yeah, matthias was one of them, and recently, in rule of wolves, she killed david. darklina is abusive as fuck so i don’t count it as a ship death. but yeah so far that’s 2 major fandom ships she’s killed.

i doubt it’ll be bad publicity because i believe she’ll find a way to make it make sense. in my opinion, matthias’ death made sense, albeit it hurt like fuck and i’ll never be over it, but ultimately i think it made sense, narratively speaking. i’m still processing david so idk about that. and while we’re talking narrative, since she’s hinted at kaz’s luck running out and whatnot, the signs seem to hint at a kaz death, unfortunately. and on the topic of publicity, if she does kill kaz, people are gonna TALK. and i guess any publicity is gonna be good publicity for her, given the scale of the grishaverse, especially now that the show is out and doing so well.

in terms of representation, yeah it’s gonna fucking suck ass if either wesper or kanej is fucked over. but leigh hasn’t had a reputation for treating her lgbtq+ or disabled characters like shit, not counting the s&b trilogy. other than david, who many people have headcannoned as being on the autism spectrum, i’d say she’s done pretty well in treating these characters well. obviously, they’ve all been through hell, but it was in a human sense and not a homophobic or ableist sense. their pains and struggles weren’t a result of these characters’ identities or abilities- other than wylan, but his story was about overcoming those biases and hatred. i think if leigh does kill either one of wesper or kanej, as much as it’s gonna suck losing such wonderful representation, i don’t think it’s gonna come from a homophobic or ableist idea. if that makes sense 😭 unless she somehow does a complete 180 and pulls some stupid homophobic stunt

obviously i don’t want anybody to die. kaz, especially, being my all time favourite character in literature. and jesper holds a very special place in my heart as well, being bisexual and adhd-coded. i’d hate to see either of them fucked over but alas all we can do is hope.

thanks for listening to my rant lol. and i hope this answered ur questions. 😅

#kazmybelovedanswers

[spencer-reids-adventures]

Hi (you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to). For some time now I have been thinking a lot about myself and I think i’m autistic. I’ve done a lot of research in different websites and I want to talk to my mom about it to get rightfully diagnosed but i don’t know how to approach it, do you have any tips?

Hi! To be honest, I'm not sure how helpful I'll be... I had very little support from my parents growing up in terms of mental health care, and I received my autism diagnosis from my psychiatrist and therapist as an adult, although technically I don't have a "formal" diagnosis because the evaluation costs $2000 and I just don't have that kind of money.

However, that said, I think it's really good that you want to pursue diagnosis! If you feel comfortable discussing it with your mom I think it could be worth it to kind of start out with the symptoms (I don't really like that word, but I can't think of a better one right now) that you experience, and then bring up the possibility that it could be autism.

If you're already seeing a psychiatrist or therapist I would definitely recommend bringing it up to them, and if you aren't seeing someone yet, it would probably be worth it to find one that you can build a relationship with and discuss those issues with them.

What actually got me talking about autism with my therapist in the first place was I sent him a long email about all the ways I'd been struggling, and how long that had been going on - social issues, sensory issues, meltdowns, everything I could think of. It was... a very long email, lol. I didn't actually mention autism in the email, he was the one who brought it up at my next appointment, and then we kind of went from there.

I mention that last part because I know parents and doctors can sometimes accuse you of like... reading too much stuff online and then diagnosing yourself with things and looking for validation (which honestly I don't particularly see the problem with, especially considering the cost of healthcare in some places), but focusing on the symptoms rather than starting out by saying "I think this is autism" can sometimes be helpful.

I don't know how much of that made sense or was relevant... I was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years before I was diagnosed with autism so a lot of those symptoms overlapped and led to it being maybe a more complicated and drawn-out process than it needed to be, and the lack of family support also didn't help. But if you're able to get support from your mom, and have the ability to meet with a therapist or psychiatrist, those are definitely the best first steps!

And advocating for yourself is so important - don't get discouraged if things don't move as quickly as you'd like, or if you have to try a few different therapists or doctors before finding one who will listen and work with you. It can be a slow process, but it's usually worth it in the end.

Finally, even if it does take a long time to get diagnosed, or it ends up being a difficult process, just remember that you are allowed to use all the resources out there for people with autism, even if you don't have the diagnosis! You can still stim and use sensory tools and calming techniques and whatever you need to feel better, regardless of whether you have a doctor or a piece of paper saying you "should." I am of the opinion that self-diagnosis is totally valid if it helps you to find ways to cope.

(Okay, I feel like I just used a lot of words and maybe didn't say much that was very helpful? And if so, I'm very sorry. But I do wish you the best and if I can be of any other help my ask box is always open!)

#maya's meta #autism

[kyidyl]

Aphantasia anon: So my recognition of smell isn’t impacted. If I come across an apple I am able to identify the scent as apple. But I don’t make association with smell. I know which perfume my mom uses because my brain has stored the fact that mom wears X perfume but if I come across a person wearing the same perfume my mind doesn’t make the connection to mom. There’s also no remembrance of memories where my mom is wearing her perfume. A smell is just a smell for me. Same for the tastes. It’s

Ok sorry I got sucked into Tiktok, lol.

That thing about the smell is still super interesting for me. Like clearly your brain identifies the smells and whatnot but you're also obviously forming long term memory in a really unique way. I'm not well-versed in neurology enough to be able to go into detail there but scent is often one of the things most strongly connected to memory, but yours doesn't connect like that. Your whole experience is so wildly different and it's very cool. I bet you have a lot less of a problem really enjoying the moment in front of you. I have ADHD so like I do a lot of daydreaming and whatnot, or zoning out, and sometimes it gets in the way of me actually engaging with what's in front of me. I'm always thinking of something else and I'm literally incapable of simply enjoying what's in front of me without hyperfocusing. Do you have autism or ADHD? BC now I wonder if it's possible for someone with aphantasia to have that kind of neurodivergence considering how often vividly imagining things while zoning out is reported as an experience we have. Do you zone out/daydream? If you do, what's the quality of it? Is it basically just like talking to yourself in your head?

If your head voice is bland and muffled (mine is muffled too. It has a weird like...fuzzy? Quality to it. Like it's far away.), I can see why long descriptions of things would get tedious for you. That's a very quick trip to sleeping....wait, do you dream??? I'm assuming you do cause everyone seems to. Do you remember it when you wake up? What are the memories like? Also re:reading, do you have trouble with metaphor or simile? If so I imagine English classes (if you're American...for all I know this is your second language.) must have been AWFUL.

Ye gods school must have been (or must be) really difficult for you. Do you think that there was something that teachers could have done/should do to make things easier for you? If you're trying to do something like geometry does it help to draw it out on a piece of paper...like maybe an external kind of visualization? And do things like google maps help you when you're navigating, or not so much? If having things in a place is helpful to you, I bet your house is pretty orderly. No idea what that's like, lol.

Hahahahha I've seen that post, too. That was also when I learned about aphantasia, and I think it was really interesting then, too. It's so hard for me to understand what it must be like to just no visualize because my mind like...it's almost like a physical space. So to me when someone says no visualization I picture a blank space. Like a TV that's off. Like closing your eyes. But I once saw someone describe their blindness by saying "what do you see out of your elbow?" well, nothing. You don't see darkness you don't perceive a sense of space or anything out of your elbow. Is it like that? Or is it like a TV that's turned off? Like a space for visualization that just doesn't turn on, or no? Like it's so hard to describe but my mind feels like a whole other place. Like...the inside of a Tardis. So when I try to imagine aphantasia my brain just supplies like this idea of a big, empty room with a very important voice in the room. But I'm guessing that it's more like you just don't have the room at all....I hope that doesn't come across as rude. It's 2am so I'm probably not being as articulate as I might otherwise be. I'm not trying to insinuate that you're empty-headed, just describing the image that my brain spits up for me.

That description of how your memories work is really cool. I'd love to read a book by someone with aphantasia just to see the differences and see how you guys write and what you emphasize. That sensory thing just is still blowing my mind. Oh man...I bet your acculturation (assimilation of your first culture.) process was totally different. Does the lack of visualization make it harder for you to interpret facial expressions? Like maybe you don't remember which expressions mean which thing bc you can't see them in your head? BTW please don't feel like you need to answer a question if it's accidentally too invasive. It's 100% ok to just be like "yeah not comfy with that".

Ok so I'm going to bed now, but go ahead and answer whenever you feel like it. I'll reply tomorrow. :)

#synesthesia conversation

[painted-crow]

Did you model Bookkeeper Badger or Courtier Badger most of the time ?

In regards to the past tense you're using--it's the Badger primary model I dropped. Which, I've held on to some of its ideals, but they're just another part of my Bird primary system, and that feels very different.

My Badger secondary model is still good and kicking though!

I was just gonna write about how I use it (and how I try not to use it) to answer this ask, but then it turned into

Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 3

(Badger model edition)

and I'm just gonna roll with it.

I did have an unhealthy way I used my Badger secondary model that was... either extreme Bookkeeper, or it's actually been unhealthy Lion secondary all along and I've been mis-Sorting it and this is why the idea of using Lion secondary wigs me out a little. (It's fine when other people use it, but I find the prospect of using it myself at least slightly terrifying.)

Part of my problem is that I'm way too used to situations where pushing through despite feeling like I was about to collapse was the only option. It's probably got to do with... well, some childhood stuff I won't go into too deeply. My mom was in the hospital a lot. The school situation I was in just made everything worse. It's complicated.

Anyway, if I'm under stress, I dissociate out exhaustion, hunger, emotional distress, and even physical pain for hours or days at a time, and I can buckle down and hyperfocus on work (in what would be panic mode if I were more aware of my emotions during these periods). It sounds useful and badass but it really isn't.

Downside #1 is that I will eventually feel the effects of that panic, and any other needs I've been ignoring--it might be at a more convenient time, but those effects definitely won't be lessened.

Downside #2 is traumatic burnout. Do not try this at home. (I always hesitate to use the word "trauma" for my experiences, but the physical reaction I get to writing about some of this stuff says otherwise.)

Downside #3 is that I don't get to choose when my brain does or doesn't do this. It just happens when I'm under stress. I can't count how many times I've had an actual migraine and not noticed why I was so irritable for hours, when I could have taken something.

Downside #4 is that it works. This is possibly the worst one, because the phrase "do your best" takes on a cold sweat-inducing new meaning. My little "ability" has led to some absolutely buckwild performances under deadline, none of which I want to repeat, and I'm not sure I like knowing how much I can get done if I prioritize not failing over not burning out.

(On that note, if you thought my Badger primary model was Exploded last year, you should've seen it 3-4 years ago. I remember when this Kitten Witch post first went up, because I was like "...what? wait--")

In short, this is a very shitty superpower and I would like to re-roll.

I'm undecided whether this is a Badger flavored emergency mode, or the only Lion secondary I can recall using. I lean towards Badger because I have this pathological inability to half-ass anything, and it does not go away during emergencies. But it's possible that it felt Badger flavored because my unhealthy Badger primary model was egging it on with its self deprecating (...self dehumanizing?) exploded Badger crap.

So, wanna know how I got into these nasty deadline crunch situations where emergency hardcore Badger mode became "necessary"?

(I feel like I should reiterate my trigger warning on this series about now: we're talking about gifted kid burnout stuff and I'm about to sarcastically skewer some of my old thought processes here.)

Adequately warned? Great! Here are the step by step instructions to a real shitty time!

Take on a bunch of work while you're feeling okay, based on how much you think everyone else is doing.

Depression gets inevitably triggered somehow, by life stress or overwork or winter or whatever. Burn Bird secondary because that's been a stress response at least since high school.

Have absolutely no clue about the fact that your "limits" vary drastically and your productivity has huge peaks and valleys due to various forms of undiagnosed neurodivergence, which school/college is not designed to accommodate. So, rather than taking a rest and sorting out the stressful thing, get mad at yourself for "being lazy"!

Continue trying to work. Struggle wildly with executive dysfunction. Panic. Get frustrated and angry at yourself. It's cool, I'm sure this will make your Bird secondary start working again soon. (just kidding lol it's making it worse)

When you've aggravated your depression enough, shut down for a few months! Your work will still be there. Piling up. Taunting you. you're falling so far behind what are you doing everyone else can keep up except you

Get sick for a week. Feel relieved that at least now you have a legitimate excuse to not be working. This benefit may feel like it outweighs the symptoms of the flu or sinus infection or whatever you have.

Go into emergency hardcore mode, complete a ridiculous workload in the week before deadline, turn it all in, be almost too exhausted to feel guilty about doing everything last minute.

me: "I don't have ADHD! My focus is usually fine."

also me: this. ^ what is this.

So, I avoid that now. If I notice when Step 3 is happening and I can switch tasks--maybe clean my living space, do some laundry, get some good food, take care of tasks unrelated to whatever project it is that I'm too freaked out to work on--then Bird will be back in a week or two, assuming nothing else huge and stressful happens, and I'll have another productivity peak that'll let me catch up.

This is not the conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom says you must never break momentum, you must schedule your work out 6 weeks ahead so you always know if you're on track, you must...!

Totally counterproductive for me. My brain is weird and did not come with a manual.

These days, on top of my Bird secondary, I model a mixture of Bookkeeper Badger and mirroring (a Courtier skill), for a number of purposes. I find work satisfying, I'm not afraid of long projects (that I choose), and that shifting, empathetic mirroring response is my default social mode.

But Badger's most important job is to gently take over when Bird is stressed out, and give it space to recover while methodically fixing anything about my situation that's not helping. It's good for that.

I prefer it to the alternative, anyway.

#sortinghatchats #secondary toast revolving door #hufflepuff secondary model #burned ravenclaw secondary #shc models #asks #paint speaks

[bigskydreaming]

Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

[hjertetssunnegalskap1]

Hello, Tumblr people. It’s a new year and I’m having a very navel-gazing moment. Btw is navel-gazing an international expression? It basically means that I’m self-obsessed. Still, maybe my experiences can give someone else an aha-moment?

I don’t think I’ve talked a lot about it here, but I’ve been through a process these last years where I’ve learned some new things about myself. I’ve always known that I have some “struggles,” but it has taken me decades to figure out why, and how to deal with it. I mean, I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m getting there. 

I’ve had struggles with overeating, feeling depressed, anxious, unfocused and forgetful, burned out, feeling dumb and socially awkward. I’ve been quite wobbly and insecure in relationships, too. And the thing is, I have finally figured out that I have ADHD. In danger of hanging everything on one explanation, I feel like a lot clicks into place, now that I know this.

Also, the irony is, that I’m a psychologist and well over 40, and hmmm.... how didn’t I figure this out before? I could probably say a lot about that, but I suppose I went under the radar because I was a girl that did well at school. And I’ve always thought that “this is just how I am,” and that it’s about my temperament/ attatchment style/ possible trauma reactions. And I’m not saying that those factors aren’t part of "my whole package”, but they don’t erase these things: 

1. Since I was a tiny kid, I’ve always gotten this “flow” feeling whenever I’m doing something I love to do. I’m hyperfocused and can be very productive over long periods of time. When I’m like this, I forget everything else, and it can be hard to snap out of it and notice other things around me. I also can’t hear a word if you try to talk to me when I’m like this. Seriously. Not a word.

2. I am quite creative. I get a lot of ideas! Also, I like to create things, like stories, art, and stuff like that. Sometimes I get too many ideas and too little time to follow them up, though. Still, I suppose I prefer getting many ideas to not getting any.

3. I’m easily distracted, and can struggle to focus, especially on mundane tasks, but sometimes this also happens when I do stuff I love (mostly because of anxiety, because I fear to disappoint, see point 5). This is probably part of why  I forget things all the time. I try to armour myself with lists and alarms but I still forget things on a daily basis. Thank heavens that we have a code to our front door and not lock or keys.

4. Because of my interests (reading, psychology, history, stories, + +), I’ve become good at picking up what’s important in a text, or underlying messages when someone talk too me. When I’m focused, I can even be quite intuitive.  I’m especially good at connecting dots and seeing the whole picture (not so much the details). However, at other times, especially when I’m stressed, I’m bad at listening. I can also totally misread cues or not pick up details in conversations.

5. I feel a lot. On the positive side, that means I love my friends and family to pieces, and I get excited and happy about the smallest things. I empathise with others a lot. My family love how excited I get about everything, even when we’re watching a movie, or something. However, I also get easily frustrated, worried or hurt, too. Sometimes, my feelings become too much and I have picked up a ton of not-so-good strategies to handle it. Like avoidance. Smoking (not anymore, thank fuck). Escapism. Overeating. Sex. Procrastination. Luckily, I have some better strategies, too, like drawing, listening to music, talking to someone.

6. I struggle with relationships. People in my life probably don’t know how important they are to me, because I struggle to keep in touch and do stuff that maintain these relationships. I feel like I have a lot more to say about this, but I’ll have to come back to it.  

7.  Even if I see myself as fairly intelligent and with a capacity to plan and think forward, I often act impulsively. A good thing about impulsivity is the fact that I get easily enthusiastic about new things and ideas. However, I also forget about possible consequenses to my actions. I say yes to a lot of things, for instance. This is also linked to the fact that I want to be good, and I want to help others when I can. I’m also very optimistic about what I can manage to do. I just... when I get overwhelmed for some reason, I often struggle to follow through.

8. I do not multitask, although I frequently try to. Because of all of my ideas. I struggle to prioritize, choose and make desisjons, especially under stress. Too many options and/ or the thoughts of all the possible outcomes overwhelm me. 

9. Organizing. Sigh. This is a HUGE shame for me. I feel like I’ve always struggled to establish daily routines and keep a tidy home, something “everybody else” seem to manage just fine. It might be a paradox that I love to make lists, but rarely manage to follow those lists. Wait, of course, that’s quite logical. I need the outer structure, but struggle to follow it because it’s too much at once. I shouldn’t make lists that are longer than three bullet points. LOL, and here I am.

10. What is time management? I just... yeah, I don’t know where to start. Sometimes I’m a time pessimist, sometimes a time optimist. I try to compencate by setting clocks earlier etc. Also, I have this one thing I’m basically never late to, believe it or not: Appointments with my patients.

11. Which reminds me: I have some compensating strategies that take a lot of my energy. For instance, I give myself deadlines before the real deadline and sometimes that helps me get things done in time. Because I don’t want to bother people, I have a tendency to say I’m sorry for things I probably don’t need to apologise for. I am working hard to be more honest and tell people when I struggle, but my knee-jerk reaction is to say everything is fine. I try to hide it when I have forgotten something. I use self-irony so much it becomes quite self deprecating and damn, that’s a habit I struggle to quit. Well. These are some of the things I can think of. 

12. All of this can be quite tiring, and this is probably partly how I ended up getting burned out at work.  I try to see both good and bad sides to all of these things, and I think I’m starting to see that this is something I can live with. Most of it has made me feel  like a failure and a bad person and my self image is not... good. My self critical thoughts lead to anxiety, which in turn leads to more avoidance, procrastination etc. 

This is a circle I’m trying to break.

Luckily, I have also started to use medicine that helps me focus, and the meds also help me with my energy levels. Things are slowly getting better. The difference is unbelievable, to be honest, and I can’t believe how I managed without them (well, I managed on buckets of coffee and everything stimulating I could face, hah). I also have someone to talk to, now, which is very helpful. I’m slowly starting to figure out what I can manage. 

Does some of this sound familiar? Well, if so, don’t be afraid to check out what it’s all about. I’ll never regret it, that’s for sure. 

#mental health #adhd #hyperkinetic disorder #rant #list

[the--phoenix--system]

Hi! New here :3 how did you come to connect and I guess "notice" your alters? I have mild suspicions about myself, but info out there is so misleading, you know? TIA!

-kq

Hi! Thank you so much for this ask! You are always welcome to send me more or even PM us (if you're 16 or older) if you need! We really appreciate it! /Gen

Not everyone is comfortable with this kinda questions, so be careful. We do not mind them and it is stated on our pinned post that you can ask us, so it's fine, but just in case needed.

(ps. This is super long I'm sorry, lol)

Leo was our core* and he remembered talking to Yue for the first time around 11? Years ago. We were (around) 7 years old at the time. But he just thought he had a very active imagination. Not long after that they used to talk a lot with Ciel and Yue. All the time. When they were lonely, when they were scared, all the time. Just talking, with those voices in your head.

Mostly when he had to take a decision. Yue made sure he paid attention to how he felt. Ciel made sure he got all the facts and possible outcomes in mind. There was also a fourth presence. They didn't talked much, but they always comforted Leo when he felt down.

So we grew up like that.

Eventually we figured it wasn't normal and Leo shut those voices down. He stopped listening, he didn't pay attention and actually forgot about those friends he used to have. (They both had names at that time, different ones)

But it didn't stop there

He would dissociate, he would feel out of control of his body, forget stuff or feel like he didn't actually lived those stuff. That's when we tried to find an answer. What did our research say? DPDR! And so we guessed that must be it.

It felt wrong, it didn't feel like that was us. But we took it anyway.

Then when we figured out we where autistic and had ADHD we guessed that must be it!

At some point last year Leo remembered Yue and Ciel. He embraced his friends fully. "it must be a way of processing information for some Nd people! It's fine. I'll let those voices be" he thought -oh, honey. It's not.

Then he remembered that fourth voice. He gave it a name and they spent a lot of time talking about their personality and how they acted. That's when Seb cane around. Leo guessed it was just a funky image to hold on when when he felt unprotected. A way to cope.

He started finding a lot of things about DID and decided to look into it.

He googled it and opened a lot of tabs to read but got so scared he couldn't read it.

He even said "I will try my best to forget you. I can't admit this to myself now. I can't." We said it was okay

But one day, I don't remember exactly why, but one day Leo entered a crisis. The details are too personal to add, but that's when Seb told him to accept we were a system and let him front.

We talked to people who knew about it, we followed some blogs, did some research and called ourselves a system ever since

*We use the term core as the one who fronted the most, the one who related to the body the most, and the one we thought it was "the original alter" but that doesn't exist.

I hope this helped, don't be afraid of asking us questions and I hope you can find an answer soon <3

-Merlin

[your--isgayrights]

Okay i actually have no clue on how tumblr works (hope I'm doing this right lmao) but I'm writing my first fic (I still can't really move on from orv so I decided to make my own content lol.), I really love your writing style, do you have any tips??

Hmmmm tips tips tips tips.... First of all I’m really flattered that you like my writing enough to ask me about it! I’ll try to give my best answer... I think that I used to read a lot of people’s “writing tips” but ultimately I ended up not really understanding them until I started writing a lot? Either way it’s fun to read how other authors think... It’s really cool that you’re writing your first fic and you thought to come to me... did I already say that? Okay long post under the cut.

I don’t think this will be all that helpful, but this is just things that I think about if that’s interesting!

For me a lot of writing is like struggling with motivation (I have ADHD so that’s probs why), I really have to pace myself while writing because I can’t just force myself to do it. If I go in every day and think “I have to write today I’m not doing anything so I should be writing” I can get burnt out really easily, even if I really like the thing I’m writing and know how it’s supposed to go. So one of my big things is that when I’m not thinking about writing I’m not thinking about writing. that gives my brain a break and refreshes me when I get back to my google document.

Something I’ve also struggled with having to remember is that there’s like. Never a perfect way to write. What I end up doing is thinking up ideas and fragments and sentences in my head and the very moment I think of something I like I have to write it down in my notes app. Most of my writing process ends up being like. Filling in the blanks and connecting the dots between scene fragments. 

For fics in particular I’d also just recommend rereading your favorite parts of the og work! I’m the kind of person who has a pretty good reading memory, so people may have noticed that I include a lot of little details referencing the text in my fic. Just reading the work kind of helps you remember the voices of the character and the style of the narration, and if you just like. internalize it. you can probably replicate it pretty well if you wanted to.

OKAY I say that but don’t worry too much about replicating things in the og work perfectly. I find that a lot of times when I’m writing I’m inserting a lot of personal touches and putting things that are a part of me in the work. Writing is always going to be like. an extension of your voice, no matter what you’re writing. I think that when I heard about stuff like that from authors in the past I was always like. What? I’m not writing about things that happened to me. I’m writing about grown adult men having emotional issues, silly. But there’s like a lot more nuance to writing about yourself, I guess. Like you don’t have to have like a self insert or be projecting onto a character to have yourself reflected in something you’ve written.

I’d say that like, whatever you write as your first fic is going to be lovely, but when you grow up as a writer and look back on it, you’re not going to remember who you were when you wrote it. I think that’s why a lot of people look back on their first works and are like “I can’t believe I wrote that, what was I thinking, cringe cringe cringe ugh.” Like I definitely do that sometimes, but I’ve found that the old work I’m happiest with nowadays is the stuff where I can recognize myself in it, even if I’m not in that fandom anymore or if there’s old jokes or typos I don’t remember making. 

With that being said, I’m the kind of person who always gives myself a mission statement when I’m writing. I sort of mentally go, okay, I’m writing this kind of thing, and this is why I’m writing it. It can be something like oh I’m writing this fluff piece because I love this character and wish they had a happier ending, or  oh I want to write this multi chapter fic exploring an issue touched on in the original work but I feel like with my own experiences I could expand on it more than the author did. Just something that tells me why it is important to me to write this thing when I’m writing it.

AAAH I feel like I made that sound more dramatic than it really is, that’s just how I think I guess. I’m the kind of guy where its like things need to have like MEANING to me when I do them. I’m dramatic and gay and that’s my personality I guess 😔.

Hmmm maybe it’s also my BIGGEST writing tip tho. Like kind of just thinking things through when you’re writing is pretty important. When I was first learning to write at all (talking about baby baby me here this is like sort of a side tangent sorry) I think that a lot of times I would copy phrases and developments that I had liked in things that I had read without really fully considering why I would include those things other than the fact that that was just what I thought writing was. It’s important to consider what importance every scene and sentence has to do with the flow of the story. Are they just things that are happening, or is there a reason that the audience needs to know these things? The weight of your words should have some sort of consequence as a result of you writing them. Are you telling the audience information they need to know? Is it about how the character feels? What does this say about the character? Etc.

I suppose that’s sort of my own writing style. You’ll probably notice that I don’t write a lot of descriptive prose if you read my fic. The thing about me is that I never want to write something that makes my audience question why they’re reading it, I guess. I’m sort of self conscious and think about the reading experience a lot. All of the things I choose to describe are usually so that the reader can understand where people are in the scene and what emotions they are having. There’s a lot of emphasis that I put in like. A reader’s ability to read into things, which works against me sometimes because I’m not always certain if people picked up on different things that I put a lot of thought into (the curse of being seen... sob).

ALSO use paragraph breaks. In my first fic (that I’m not going to tell anyone what is even though its on ao3 because im shy) the thing I always regret the MOST is that there are big chunky paragraphs that are hard to read through at the start. Like my eyes get lost. I mentioned I have ADHD before but even though I like. physically can’t read a big chunky paragraph I will always write them that way if left to my own devices. Paragraph breaks don’t have to just be broken up by dialogue they can be wherever you feel like doing them. You need a lot of them. This post should probably have more of them... oh my god it’s so long...

OKAY FOR REAL THOUGH IF YOU COULDN”T SLOG THROUGHT THE REST OF THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP IS RIGHT HERE: 

JUST LET YOURSELF WRITE

I have a lot of like. academic trauma, so maybe this is just me, but the reason I didn’t write fic until I was like 16 was because I was always really scared that whatever I wrote wouldn’t be good enough for some impossible standard I was setting for myself. I was always telling myself that I had certain bad writing habits or that I was terrible for never being able to focus on things for very long and all of my projects were doomed to failure before I even started. But then I wrote my first like 8 chapter fic in the summer of my junior year and I was like... oh. that wasn’t so bad. Like. It’s okay to know your limits, but you don’t really know them until you start writing. Like I wrote an 8 chapter fic, and then a few one shots, and then I tried to take on a very complicated project that ended up being over 40 chapters and I had to put it down because I just wasn’t really at the writing level to finish it. I would advise against writing fics that take so long to write that you start hating the way you wrote the first chapter, basically lol. Know how whatever you’re writing is supposed to begin and end before you start writing it.

Nowadays I always have like. plot outlines in my head when I start a fic. Like okay this needs to happen here this needs to happen here etc. I like making lists if it seems to overwhelming when I’m writing something long, just to organize my thoughts. 

OKAY I JUST TALKED A LOT. SORRY IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO READ ALL OF THIS BUT I’M A LITTLE CHATTY IF YOU DIDN’T NOTICE.

Defo feel free to dm me if you have like questions or just want to chat about orv or whatever. I’m a lonely little man out here floating on my pile of words, and I’d love to hear what your fic is about!! 

[kyunsies]

Bilingual 🌻 anon here

I hope you're feeling better 💕

I think I tend to think too much in the future about a lot of things lol

Especially when it comes to having kids (ideally I'd want 3-5 but however many I have I want to love them very much and hope that they can confide in me with anything)

But I'm afraid of a lot of things especially bc of some traumas I've gone through (I won't go into detail I'll just leave it at that). I'm afraid of projecting that trauma on to them unintentionally (and I know what that's like) or belittling/diminishing their feelings by saying I've gone through worse (instead of listening to their kids and trying to understand them) and those things hurt a lot.

Especially when all you want from your parents is for them to understand you, you know?

I feel like those things are so scary, and then if it comes down to getting married and everything, I don't want a man that will belittle or diminish my feelings bc for sure I'll leave him in two seconds flat.

I feel like maybe that's why I feel like I'm emotionally stunted in that sense (of course therapy can help but it's a lot of money smh)

Sometimes, I feel like a black sheep bc the way I feel that the way I process things is different compared to the normal person (considering I have ADHD lol).............. it's so crazy how life experiences can really impact you immensely

I hope that wasn't too much ranting 😬

Sending you hugs 🤗❤

hi bubbie !! i hope u are having a nice day so far <3 if u don't mind, i'm not going to put my answer under a "read more" since i think this is actually really important to talk about (as a woman in her young 20s lol) so i'm going to roll up my sleeves and answer as much as i can <3

i think women think a lot about the future !! obviously everyone does no matter what stage they are in their life lol but i feel that u are someone like me in that i am running out of time for a lot of things .... do u feel this way too? i think about it all the time :( i have seen quite a few ppl say they don't want children and honestly i don't blame them !!! having children is a HUGE responsibility and it's daunting to think about !! some ppl want to adopt and i think that's a wonderful idea as well <3 some ppl just don't want children and would rather create a wholesome life for themselves, and i think that's perfectly fine too :) i will give u a little background: i have 3 aunts along with my mom, 2 of them have 3 children and the other aunt has 2 ... i basically raised 5 of them while the other 3 acted like my older siblings <3 i have been around children enough where i absolutely would love to have children of my own, to call my own ;____; and that's a choice !! i think anyone who wishes to take on a parent role will have these thoughts, and i think that's okay :') i often ask my mom "where u scared when u found out u were pregnant" and she said she was more happy than scared ..... but i honestly think that happiness only comes after the initial shock u know? she was so excited to see how her tummy grew each day and wondered how well i would be developing as her pregnancy went on ; i also think it's normal to feel like we will never be good enough as parents bc we will only want what's best for our bubs....... and although maybe u don't want to invalidate them, you will be able to steer them in the best direction possible bc of everything you have conquered right? this is just my thinking LOL ... we all have our traumas, some worse than others and we would never want that for our children so i think naturally you will steer ur children in the right direction <3

now in terms of getting married there are a lot of different opinions out there, each valid for their own reason !!! i agree with u that i would like to be married too <3 i am always wondering when i will start dating and i know that sounds so embarrassing ......... like i'm still in high school or something stupid like that ....... i've never dated i've never kissed anyone i'm pretty sure no one has even looked in my direction lol but i think it's bc i don't put myself out there much :( honestly i'm afraid but i want to be loved, i want to love someone more than myself, i think sharing that with someone is really lovely . idk if it's bc i don't have any confidence in myself to make the first move and initiate anything; i don't go out and party/drink; i'm not a confident gal so i often wonder "i'm wasting time, i'll never be married or meet anyone, i'll never have children of my own if i don't do something soon" ....... will i end up taking fate into my own hands and meet someone ? idk !

what i'm trying to say is that u are definitely not alone in these thoughts angel <3 for me, i think u think a lot about these things bc u care and that will make u even more caring as a parental figure if u decide u want children in your future <3 and i think it's a life journey to reflect and work out our past traumas, no matter how terribly they may haunt us, right? we owe that to ourselves, don't u think? :) these are really big decisions we face in the future, but i think, i'm hoping that we will all do what feels right for anything we face <3

i hope this was able to bring you some comfort love !!! i think about this stuff all the time about being a good parent, being a good partner, if i ever will find love in this life, will my past experiences affect how i love in the future; i want u to know i am here and i understand <3

#asks #🌻 anon #angel have a wonderful day !!!!!!!! it wasn't too much to handle <3 i like talking about this stuff it helps u know that u aren't alone !!! #sending u hugs right back <3

[idk-my-aesthetic]

a concept

U know how in the comics Aang starts rebuilding the air nation with ppl who are basically converts to their religion? By like teaching them about the air nomad’s ways and stuff?

What if he gave some of them air bending using energy bending? And they could start re-building the air nation and it’s culture by teaching them everything!! They could even start moving back into the temples now that they could fly and rebuilding

They’d even have the bison!! According to the wiki aang found a living herd after the war !!

Idk just. As a Jewish person genocide stories are really really personal to me. And the thought of being the last of my people is terrifying

I just really want the air nation to have a chance to rebuild in a natural way. And I think that like letting ppl choose to convert and gifting them with air bending would probably be the best way

Ik aang’s kids and grandkids have air bending but trying to rebuild an entire nation from one bloodline is.... not the best idea

And I also know that in lok a bunch of ppl are given air bending, but that whole story really rubs me the wrong way (no hate to lok though!! There are parts I like!!)

Under the cut is basically an explanation as to why I take issue w/ it and find it mildly offensive/an essay about cultural appropriation in general lol. but i don’t wanna kill ppl’s dashes so if you wanna see the explanation check there 

but i really think that aang like.... allowing ppl to convert, and teaching them, and gifting them w/ airbending in the most natural/best way for that story to go and i wanted to share that!! :) 

anyway time for a whole essay because i.... apparently need to explain and justify every single one of my opinions. i’ma blame the adhd. 

I have 2 main issues w/ the new air bender plot. a) the air Nomad religion/culture is pretty explicitly seen as a closed one and b) it’s sort of a cop-out.....

so... first:

 Air bending is pretty explicitly a huge part of the air nomad culture and religion and is extremely spiritual. bc of how religious and spiritual it is the idea of ppl just.... randomly being given it really rubs me the wrong way.

It’s really really hard for me to explain this or come up with an irl example, bc these ppl didn’t ask for air bending, or try to gain it in anyway. So it’s not really their fault. But to me it feels almost like accidental cultural appropriation? If that makes sense

Which like. cultural appropriation is obviously bad. Even in the comic I originally referenced (the promise) Aang is initally really really offended by the people practicing the air Nomad religion when he first finds out!!! Which he should be!!!

There’s a difference between cultural appropriation, culture appreciation, and sharing culture. The first is bad, and the second 2 are good when done correctly.

Ima use an irl example w/ Judaism just bc using this personal experiences is apparently the only way my brain knows how to explain things

Scenario 1: Amanda (who is xtian) decides to research the Jewish holiday of Passover and the traditions behind it just bc she’s interested in it

This is cultural appreciation! She’s just learning about smthn she finds interesting. This is generally ok! although in some cultures there is knowledge that you are not supposed to know or discuss if you are not part of that culture and you should 100% respect that if it is the case 

Scenario 2: Amanda learns about the Passover seder and decides to throw one herself

Dont fucking do this omfg. This is cultural appropriation. Passover is a super important and religions holiday! It’s one of the high holy days and celebrating it on her own isn’t ok! 

Scenario 3: Amanda asks her Jewish freind Alex if she can come to his Passover seder

This is cultural appreciation and cultural sharing!! It’s totally valid!! She respectfully asks to join in and be included! 

it’s diffrent from cultural apropriation for one huge reason. she is joining in, rather than celebrating it on her own with no jewish ppl present 

Scenario 4: Amanda eats gefitlefish just bc she likes it 

this is appreciation! even though there are no jewish ppl involved! bc gefiltefish isn’t a holy/religious/spiritual thing. 

different aspects of different cultures have different levels of importance. as a general rule, if smthn is holy/religious, you should not do anything with it, unless invited by someone of that culture. if it’s not then you can generally do it on ur own (though there is some grey area there. ie, moccasins are smthn that aren’t religious to native americans, but if ur not native you shouldn’t be producing and selling them. if you want moccasins by them from actual natives) 

scenario 5: amanda contacts a rabbi and starts the conversion process 

this is...... just conversion lol. when she is finished with the process (which can take months/years) she’ll no longer be xtian and be jewish!! just as much as anyone who was born into judiasm. she’ll be able to host her own seders and any of her children will be jewish as well :) 

sorry for the really long thing!!  but i felt it was necessary to show the difference between some concepts that seem similar but are actually vastly different!! 

anyway, i hope y’all understand the difference between cultural appropriation/appreciation/sharing. if ur asking urself “ok why does it matter tho” friendly reminder that alot of irl ppl have been murdered for trying to peacefully observe their cultures/religions :) 

including the air nomads! (hey segway...) 

they are literally hunted to extension because they are part of one culture/religion. you could argue it’s a racism thing (which it is) but race, culture, ethnicity and religion are all inherently tied. see: almost every non-xtian religion worldwide 

SO. when you consider that a) the nomads were killed for their religion b) airbending was incredibly significant part of that religion, isn’t it weird that random people who have 0 connection or interest in that religion suddenly have airbending?? 

again it becomes like accidental cultural appropriation. which you can’t really blame the characters for in-world

but, these aren’t real ppl. they’re characters in a situation that was written by real ppl, real ppl who can and should be criticized 

not that i’m trying to call the creators bigoted in anyway! this dosn’t seem like anything that was meant to be offensive. and it’s not really that offensive unless you think about it. to me it just seems like a plot point that wasn’t fully thought through. i don’t bring it up to shame the creators, just as a way to show others why it’s smthn not to be repeated 

and, to show a better way to do a similar story 

the reason i went so in depth w/ the explanation of cultural appropriation vs appreciation vs conversion is bc i wanna show why a different way of approaching a similar story would have been better

the reason i think my whole idea (of ppl basically contacting aang or the air nomads, converting to the religion, and then being gifted air bending through energy bending) is better than ppl being randomly gifted it is bc conversion takes work 

to convert to any culture or religion you a) need a connection to someone in that culture (usually made by reaching out to a religious leader) and b) need to actually be accepted by that group in order to be considered one of them. it takes work and dedication. it’s a literal transfer of culture!! it’s just... ack i’m not good at explaining it 

but dosn’t it make so much more sense that ppl who actually worked to integrate themselves into the culture and become one of them are givin airbending? not because it’s a privilege but bc they need to first become part of the culture in order to have any right or claim to it 

but by just giving it to random non-benders it’s basically the reverse!! yes they later learn the culture and religon, but???? thats not how that works??? wtf??? 

i feel like i’ve been talking in circles and i’m sorry if i’ve bored everyone to death but i hope u understand my point. 

anyway! next thing! (i swear this part will be way shorter) 

by just making a bunch of random ppl airbenders it basically retcons one of the longlasting effects of the 100 yr war and almost just... erases the impact of the air nomad’s genocide 

which. is gross and uncomfortable. genocide stories are touchy subjects and smthn that need to be treated with respect 

just giving random ppl airbending it’s almost like the genocide didn’t matter at all. which i take a huge fucking issue w/ ok and i don’t feel like i need to explain why 

instead of a natural rebuilding of the air nomads it’s just fixed with spirit magic. it’s just... an insult to the really compelling and well written genocide story that was in atla and an insult to the irl ppl who related to that story 

so. yeah.... again i’m not trying to call out the creators, i again think this plotline was more accidentally insulting than purposefully 

i already propsed a better way to do it by allowing converts to gain the ability to airbend. (hell it dosn’t even need to come from energy bending or aang. the air nomads were incredibly spiritual, maybe a spirit gifted it to the ppl who earned it instead of random fucking ppl) 

but the other reason that converts instead of just.... random ppl gaining the ability is better is bc there aren’t gonna be that many ppl to convert!! there’s not gonna be some sudden boom in the airbending population!! theres would still be a story of the nation slowly healing and rebuilfing itself instead of the insulting sudden magic fix

oof. sorry for the long freaking thing. i literally went into this just wanting to share an idea and instead spent over an hour analyzing this stuff lol.... 

i hope this was coherent but if anyone’s got questions about anything i said feel free to @ me or shoot me an ask :) as long as ur polite and stuff i’ll answer to the best of my ability 

#atla #airbending #atla meta #avatar tla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #aang #aang atla #atla worldbuilding #cultural appropriation #idk how to tag this also i am big tired #lok #genocide #tagging for blacklist #/ just in case

[pumpkinlass]

This might be a stupid question but if you have adhd how did you manage to stick with drawing so long that you got so good?

No stupid questions! It’s an Interesting question with a vaguely interesting answer? I wanted to just message you back privately, but the message was SUPER long so I’m just going to post it-- I hope you don’t mind!!

Warning. Long Ramblings below

TLDR: I needed to do well in school because otherwise I would be a ‘failure’ and the only way I could focus was by doodling, so by doodling all my life and just copying styles I saw online as I saw them ‘oh neat, lets do my eyes like that’ I have come to be able to draw ‘good’ (-ish) I haven't actively practiced at drawing the way that people practice other hobby skills like sewing or painting or stuff like that. I just... draw ! And I guess now other people like how I draw too

Okay! So right off the bat! 

1. For me, ADHD manifests in a lot of ways. I have difficulty prioritizing tasks, I’m incredibly forgetful, I lose focus on conversations easily, I have intense difficulty regulating my emotions, I have trouble beginning tasks and trouble ending them. (I won’t start drawing some days until 11pm because I just... can’t bring myself to start. but then I get into it and I won’t be able to put down the pen until like 3 or 4 in the morning.)  I spend entire chunks of the day straight up daydreaming. 90% of the time I am exhausted and frustrated even though I’ve done nothing :/

There’s lots of things in my life I didn’t ‘stick’ with, painting, piano, guitar, animation, etc. etc. but doodling has always been present and if you doodle enough and just copy things you see eventually you just... draw Idk how to explain it LOL. 

2. I don’t consider myself good at drawing lol! Like hmmm how do I say this. 

 I just have certain things I like to draw and that I’ve become ... consistent at. Specifically drawing characters and bright colors. When I see my own art ... I just see what’s lacking. I don’t like drawing scenes, or backgrounds or complex things or interesting poses or...you know doing anything mmm you know ‘art-like’ stuff that like other artists I see do!! I hate shading, I struggle with coloring inside the lines and I hate making line-art.

Because [ADHD section now I guess lol]

3. I was, and still am, a very very fidgety person that had a very hard time staying focused on things or not zoning out. I was also though aware from an early age that I needed to do well in school. (blah blah strict parents w/e) And the only way I found that I could stay focused on anything and retain information, was by drawing.

From 6th grade (honors math because someone that that was a good idea LMAO) to 9th grade

All the way up to undergrad:

This was the only way I was able to get through school lmao.

If I’m doodling or moving my hand (at places where I can’t doodle I’ll do other things like wrap a hair-tie around my fingers in knots for hours or fold paper... crumple paper. tape my fingers together... ) I’m able to focus on what I need to be doing. Like listening or taking notes in honors classes --> undergrad --> grad school --> work meetings + professional development.

It’s a way for me to focus.

I literally cannot stress this enough: For 20 years I’ve just drawn characters facing forward or sideways again and again and again lol.

I’ve been actually feeling very nervous and self-conscious about posting my art because I just seem to lack the ability to get in there and make it ... ‘presentable’. 

My drawings are filled with fuzzy shaky lines because I don’t like going back and making it ““clean”“ I don’t have the attention span for it (and am SUPER jealous of all those amazing artists out there with clean vectors and sharp beautiful lines and shading) My work is also filled with color bleeds because I also struggle with going back and doing that as well.

And it’s the reason that I’ve stayed away from posting my art online for so long because I can never seem to finish anything! 

90% of my “art” is just this. Unfinished sketches and doodles. I struggle to finish anything lol.

and if I do color it’s lazy like this:

And it used to be that if DID attempt backgrounds (which was very rarely.) they looked like this:

I’d get bored halfway through and leave. I’d say most of my ‘’’art’’’ art is just me getting bored and leaving.

But like the things that I do keep ? The things that I’ve always done is just draw characters again and again and again:

From 2005

To 2016

And recently I’ve just found that people like to see this kind of stuff as much as I like to make it!

That is to say, I don’t see this all as “sticking to drawing” it’s not... really a conscious decision of mine. I can’t be a 100% sure, but it seems that you consider drawing like an active process that requires commitment and attention. And you’re of course right in that, but for me, I am a flighty non-committal person, and drawing is just a hobby of mine. And over time, it just happened that I got ‘better’ at it

I mean, lol, right now! I’ve spent the last 2 hours trying to answer this and ONCE AGAIN failing to start the commission on my to-do list :/

I hope some of these ramblings made sense. 

#jfc I hope any of this makes sense #this was so difficult to verbalize lol #long post #pumpkin asks #REALLY long post