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#I’d say my hair is at the classic length rn which I would say is the longest it’s ever been. every time it is loose (which is only when I
apricotluvr · 3 years
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#I’d say my hair is at the classic length rn which I would say is the longest it’s ever been. every time it is loose (which is only when I#brush it or when I shower I’m like 😮 it’s so long and nice but other than that it’s always in a braid) but I feel like it’s getting a#little too long and it’s not like I’m doing anything with it?? the only ppl who get to see it is my household and sometimes my friends when#I’m FaceTiming them. it’s also been getting a little in the way even tho it’s always in a braid cuz the braids gotten quite long as well#It’s around hip-length when it’s in a braid. anyway I’m thinking of chopping it off and maybe donating it? I’ve been letting it grow bc I#was supposed to go to Afghanistan this summer and wanted to have long hair since all the girls there have long hair and I was planning on#cutting and dyeing it for the first time after my vacation in Afghanistan but since I’m not going anymore there really aren’t many reasons#to keep it this long. does feel like a pity tho I feel a little attached do it......... but like I said I’ve never dyed my hair and have#been wanting to do that OH AND GOING BALD! I’ve been wanting to go bald for like 4 years now but was never allowed so and for that past#2 years I’ve been saying to my parents: after we go to afgh in summer 2021 I’m dyeing/bleaching (cuz I want a pastel colour maybe) my hair#and then going bald and I just need to do it. my parents have been saying yeah yeah ok but I think that they think that I will chicken out#and not do it? but I really do want to. sooooo. gonna keep it long this summer and then in September I’m going to bleach/dye and cut and#then go bald inshallah#no wait actually. the first post I made on this blog about going bald/dyeing my hair was feb 2014! 😯 so I’ve been wanting this for much#longer than I thought
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Heyo I’d like to request a cake pls 🍰 Okay so I’m 5’4” (she/her), average body but kinda curvy lmao. I got brown eyes, light brown middle-length hair with bangs. Apparently I’m an INTP but also reaaally down to go out and party whenever possible. Also I’m the crackhead friend, funny, weird/dark humor, loyal, kinda arrogant whoopsie, realistic but I like to dream. I take care of my friends but I also love watching them do crazy shit. Also I’m the kinda friend that is always right about suspicious guys or fake friends. When you come to me for advice I’ll tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to. I’m absolutely stubborn, a perfectionist but sooo damn lazy so these things collide badly. I’m a sarcastic bitch and if you can’t handle some roasting or jokes I’m not the kinda girl for you. I’m a hard forgiver (really ugly trait of mine) and I’m the kinda person that when I forgive, I’ll never forget. I’m usually pretty shy in public or let’s say quiet because strangers don’t interest me. I love the friends that I got but I am open for new aquaintances. When you get to know me I’m absolutely crazy. I will show you my love mostly through actions not words. That’s also why I like to receive actions more than just some “i love you”. Text me, send me a meme that made you think of me, those kinda things. I looove going out and being drunk but most of the time I prefer to be alone or stay at home. Then I mostly watch anime, netflix, draw, play video games, read sth or idk just chill with friends. I mostly fall for the funny/tough guy and don’t need a sensitive boy. Sorry kinda long but well, hope that’s okay ✨
Ok so your my guinea pig for a new layout, hopefully this makes my hc a little more organized. Enjoy!
🍰 for @nozraelart
Romantic Matchup
Kuroo Tetsurou
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How yall met
Ok so you're in a lot of his classes
And yeah he thought you were pretty
But what really drew him to you was the things that would come out of your mouth
Like one day he just walked by your desk and heard you say
“All I'm saying is what if your getting choked all you need to do is say harder daddy and they'll stop”
Mans almost spit out his drink
So one day he was shocked to see you in the gym talking to the coach
Obviously, he was curious so he went over to investigate
Turns out you were going to be the new manager of Nekomas Volleyball Club
You grew quite close to him during practice which then transitioned into becoming closer with him after practice too
He asked you out after like 3 months of you managing the team
What they love about you
He loves your humor
Like yeah the dark jokes catch him off guard sometimes
But he thinks they're still funny
He loves how sarcastic you are
He has never been able to find someone who can take his jokes with a grain of salt
And not only are you able to do that but you're able to throw a jab or two right back at him
He loves that you're what he calls a “realistic dreamer”
Now don't get him wrong he's all about people having dreams or the future
Its when those dreams are very unrealistic when he gets irked
Like if someone said their plan for the future was to win the lottery and just live a happy life
Kuroo would be like 😐
But you don't do that!
Whenever you tell him about your dreams they’re very achievable and he loves that you know what you can achieve and what you can't
What you love about them
You love that he can handle your humor
Some people have heard your jokes and just decided to stay away from you cause it was too dark
Or some people have ditched you because they got sick of your teasing
But not Kuroo!
Once again he loves your sense of humor and he wouldn't change it for the world
You love that Kuroo does things to show you he loves you
From what you said it sounds like your love language is acts of service and/or receiving gifts
So lucky you Kuroo if the perfect boyfriend for that
He does little things like help you with school, help you reach something on a high shelf, he even helps you with some of your managing duties!
He also buys you things
Snacks
Drinks
Stuffed animals
You name it he’ll buy it
Favorite things to do together
Oml he's always down for movie nights
He loves nothing more than cuddling with you on the couch and watching movies
He also loves to just sit with you and read
Ok but have you seen him with glasses 👀
And this last one is more of a group activity but he likes to play video games with you and Kenma
Random Hc
He bought you this necklace
He likes to send you memes
They don't even have to be romantic
He just likes sending memes
He helps you get ready for parties
And by that I mean he makes you put on a fashion show and he helps you decide what outfit to wear
He confessed to you with the classic love note
Friendship Matchup
Kenma Kozume
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How yall met
Your Kuroko's gf so naturally you became Kenmas friend
But before he knew you as Kuroo's gf he knew you as the manager of his team
He didn't really care for you at first
Until you showed some interest in video game
Then he got to know you and realized how cool you were
Why you became friends
You saw him playing his switch at a training camp
So you decided to go see what he was playing
He was playing animal crossing and for some reason, he had what looked like Kuroo in a cage???
You: “Hey I have that game back home”
Kenma: oh … that's cool
You: Is that supposed to be Kuroo in the cage
Kenma: Maybe...
You: His hairs a little too neat here try this
He handed you his switch and when you gave it back Kuroo's avatar had the craziest hair the game could offer
Oh yeah that was the start of a glorious friendship
What yall love about each other
He loves that you encourage him but don't push him yk
Like if he's practicing a little harder you'll tell him that he's doing a good job
But you won't say things like oh you should practice like this all the time
He also likes how you tell Kuroo off for taking his games >:)))
You: Kuroo give him back his switch
Kuroo: But y/n he needs to eat
You: He is 16 I think he can take care of his basic needs
You love how low maintenance Kenma is
Like if you ever need a friend to just chill with Kenmas your guy
You also love that he's not the most social person either
So if you two ever go out together at least you'll always have each other to talk to
Random Hc
Now even though Kenma seems shy
When it's just you two mans is a CRACKHEAD
And even if you told someone how he really acts they would never believe you >:(((
Your favorite game to play together is Mario kart
But be aware that this game can get a little...violent
He lets you help him dye his hair
And if you ever want to dye yours too hell help
You guys pick fun of Kuroo CONSTANTLY
Kuroo rn 🥲
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anavoliselenu · 7 years
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In flight chapter 14
What came up was overwhelming, and filled with even more unpleasant surprises than I was prepared for. I had been aware that he was a young but well-known billionaire. I had expected some attention from the media in his direction, just from his looks and money alone. But I couldn’t have anticipated what I found.
I was out of touch with current events, to say the least. I didn’t watch the news, and you couldn’t pay me to watch some of the celebrity entertainment shows that were on television, and I certainly wasn’t interested in print tabloids. I’d never understood the appeal of things like that. I had just never been able to relate to anything about them. They usually centered around spoiled rich people, and I just didn’t get the appeal. That could perhaps excuse the fact that I was utterly clueless about the man I’d had a brief affair with.
I clicked on the images portion first. It was mostly shots on red carpets. He seemed to have endless pictures posing with countless women, though Jules was in a sickening majority of them.
He wore tux after tux, some fashion forward, some classic. She wore gowns in every color, always looking beyond stunning. The two of them together made a dauntingly beautiful pair. He wore suits in other pictures, to what I assumed were less formal red carpet events. I was shocked to see that I even recognized some of the other women he had dated.
I recognized a very famous actress. I hadn’t realized she was so tiny until I saw her standing beside Justin’s tall figure. She barely came to his chest. I had liked a few of her films, but I felt an unreasonable rush of dislike for her when I saw that she had attended at least three events with him.
I recognized yet another woman, a voluptuous, dead behind the eyes reality star. She was dark-haired and dark complexioned. Her curves very nearly ran to fat, I decided cattily. She was so short that they looked ridiculous side by side.
I felt sick when I saw him next to one woman who had the caption ‘fetish p*rn star’ right under the picture.
He always looked spectacularly handsome, regardless of who he had on his arm, but I was getting a bigger and drastically different view of him now. And I didn’t like what I was seeing.
Farther down on the image page I saw a picture of him and Jules dressed down in jeans. It was a rare sight, so I clicked on it. I got a larger view, with a small gossip article. They were holding hands in the picture. The article said that she was rumored to be his longtime on-again off-again girlfriend.
I turned on my phone just long enough to send Justin the image.
Selena: You Liar. I’ll speak to you on Monday because I said I would, but I’ve begun to do my research, and I’m quickly seeing that I don’t know anything about you.
I didn’t bother to read the dozen unread messages above the one I had sent him, but I got a response almost immediately, and I did read that.
Justin: Please don’t believe that tabloid garbage. I’ll admit I never discouraged the rumors about Jules being my girlfriend, but they were only rumors. She has never been my girlfriend. She’s my best buddy’s sister. I promise I will never escort her to another event for the rest of my life, but last night was not a date with her. It was a long standing social obligation. If I had tried to put myself in your shoes, I would have seen how hurtful it could look to you. I apologize for that. I would give anything if I could do it differently. But please, just try to give me the benefit of the doubt, and stop looking at tabloids. I’m still in New York working, since you won’t see me, but it’s killing me that I hurt you and that I can’t make it right. I could be on a flight within the hour. Just say the word, love.
I turned my phone off after that. His one message almost had me softening towards him, and I just wasn’t going to let that happen. Fool me once…
I went back to my own personal torture of sifting through gossip about Justin Archibald Basil Cavendish, The Third. I hadn’t even known his middle names, or that he had two of them. A random gossip site had had to tell me. Of course, he didn’t know mine, either.
I found articles about his parents, and even a few pictures. They were a stunning couple. His mother was a dark-haired, dark-eyed, ravishing beauty with Justin’s golden skin and pretty mouth. His father was devastatingly handsome and blond, with beautiful turquoise eyes that made my gut clench with recognition. I could see how such a combination of people could create a masterpiece like Justin.
An article I found about them wrote about how they had died in a car accident. Their tragedy, and a beautiful young Justin, a billionaire before he was even fourteen, had quickly been propelled into the spotlight and romanticized.
I caught little snippets and even a picture of his infamous deceased guardian, and the full details of that scandal. The man was in his early thirties in the first picture. He was handsome, with light brownish-blond hair, like Justin, but a paler complexion. And he was slender to the point of frail, with creepy, pale green eyes. Spencer Charles Douglas Cavendish had been a predator in the skin of a lamb. I felt a hate for him that made bile rise in my throat.
I read the article about his death. Spencer Cavendish had been killed by an enraged lover. One Lowell Blankenship had been drugged and handcuffed by the frail Spencer. Lowell had commented that he had consented to have sex with Spencer, but that he hadn’t agreed to any of the other ‘sick shit’ the man had forced upon him. Spencer had been strangled to death when he had unlocked the handcuffs of the much larger Lowell. I personally thought he deserved a far more painful death.
There were countless other articles about Justin’s numerous business ventures. I just skimmed over these. I did learn that he was into much more than just the hotel industry, and I wasn’t surprised.
I read through a three page article about his two month affair with a platinum hit singer. She was barely nineteen, and it had been less than six months since their split.
Dammit, I have some of her songs on my mp3 player, I thought in disgust. He had his hand on her nape in one of the pictures. I wanted to throw something.
There were a few articles that hinted briefly about him being a kinky sex partner, but that was all that I found that was even close to touching on his BDSM lifestyle. I wondered how he’d kept it so well under wraps.
I turned off my computer, striding into my bedroom and tearing the painting of him from the wall. I tried to make myself tear it up, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I put it into my chest of old watercolors.
I turned my phone on again. I ignored all of the new missed calls and texts from Justin. I texted Stephan, asking if I could come over. He answered instantly with a yes.
I went over, and we watched TV and ate too much ice cream. It helped, but as soon as we stopped watching, I started thinking again. That’s how we ended up catching up on my TV until nearly two a.m on a work night. We had an early morning, but Stephan didn’t complain.
“I spoke at length to Justin today,” Stephan told me after we’d been watching TV for hours.
I just nodded.
“Want me to tell you about it?”
I shook my head.
“Okay. Let me know if you do.”
“I need some time. I read up on him online. I’m feeling less inclined than ever to even speak to him again.”
Stephan took a deep breath. “That’s something I wanted to talk about, actually, if you’re willing to hear what I think about the whole thing right now.”
I just studied him for a minute. He looked nervous, which meant I wouldn’t like what he was going to say. “Not right now,” I said.
“I think I can at least understand now why he wanted to keep his relationship with you private.”
I held a hand up. “No more. It sounds a lot like you’re taking his side right now. I just can’t handle that at the moment.” Unwilling tears welled up as I spoke.
He pulled me against his chest, kissing the top of my head. “Never, Buttercup. I’m always on your side. Always. We’ll talk about it when you’re ready.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Mr. Cavendish
I was grateful for busy flights at work the following day. We had full planes going both ways on our turn. I barely had time to eat, and I was avoiding thinking at all costs. I didn’t even have my phone. It was still at home, by my bed, and turned off.
The Agents were present, and I felt a moment of unreasonable anger at them when I first spotted the one in my cabin. I squelched the emotion, just serving them as they alternated cabins on the return flight. I made myself brush off the implication that Justin still had a reason to keep an eye on me. I would set him straight on Monday, and then this nonsense would be over for good.
I was, thankfully, exhausted by the time I got back home that night. I only performed the minimum bedtime preparations before practically falling into bed.
I slept in late the next morning. Even after I woke up, I moved slowly. It took me nearly an hour to prepare and feed myself breakfast.
I felt like a zombie, too numb to even cry. I thought it was an improvement.
Stephan and I had a monthly lunch date with several of the other members of our flight attendant class at eleven. I was skipping out. It was a boisterous, funny, close-knit group. The lunches were always a great time. There were twelve of us in total that went, and we usually caught up with each other over lunch. We often caught a movie afterward or even headed to Stephan’s house, on occasion. I wasn’t up for any of it. Stephan had promised to make my excuses. He had offered to skip out with me, but I wouldn’t hear of it. I knew he was a social creature, and the lunches were always a highlight for him.
I tried to paint. One look at my canvas of a nude Justin changed my mind . I put the painting in my spare room with trembling hands. I just didn’t have it in me to deal with it at that moment.
Finally, I went the masochistic route, turning on my computer again. I set out to do more painful research on my famous ex-lover.
If I had been shocked by what my search had turned up the first time, I was utterly floored by what I found then. What a difference a few days had made.
Now, typing Justin Cavendish into the search engine brought up an entirely new batch of photos that the first search hadn’t. Pictures of me. I had never thought of myself as a beauty. My features were even and symmetrical and my coloring was a soft natural blond, but I had always just considered myself attractive, if I was in a kind mood. I usually photographed well. I even had a picture-ready smile. If it wasn’t all that sincere, it was at least polished and convincing enough at a distance. These weren’t those kinds of pictures.
They had obviously been snapped as I was stumbling out of Justin’s building. I looked disheveled, and, well, horrible. I was ghostly pale, my eyes red and bloodshot. There was mascara running down my face in dark lines. It made me look at least forty years old, instead of twenty-three.
My uniform was in shambles, the buttons of my blouse misaligned by at least three. I hadn’t even noticed at the time. My shirt was untucked, and the top was hanging low, showing an almost obscene amount of cl**vage. My hair was a tangled mess.
I looked like I was drunk and about to throw up in the street. I was teetering on the edge of the sidewalk. Apparently, I had looked as awful as I had felt that night. And the pictures were everywhere. One gossip site after another had scented the story of trouble in paradise. Though they all seemed to have a slightly different slant on it.
One site named me a ‘Vegas floozy’ who had come between Jules and Justin, though the site claimed that their love would endure the scandal. I saw that they were commonly referred to on the gossip sites as J&J. It made me want to throw up.
One site called me a ‘Low Class Inflight’, who had broken the heart of a distraught Jules. That one hurt, with side by side pictures of the two of us. The picture of Jules showed her in the pale gray gown she’d been wearing that night, giving a stiff smile at the camera. She looked strained, but at least she’d known she was being photographed. I saw farther down on the same article that they had indeed still attended the charity event together, in spite of the obvious strain yet another of Justin’s affairs had caused on the beautiful couple. The article concluded that their love would prevail over Justin’s weakness for cheap women.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if Jules had written the article herself, it was so biased towards her. It made her out to be a long-suffering Saint. I’d met the woman, if only briefly. She was no Saint.
One site called me a ‘Blond Sky Slut,’ and claimed that I was trying to trap Justin with a baby. I couldn’t believe all of the lies that could be concocted from a few short minutes worth of unsolicited photos, and all of a woman no one had ever heard of. It was shocking, and infuriating, and sickening.
One site resorted to drawing giant penises all over my face, saying that I ‘gave the best head’, and that was the only reason Justin would risk his long-time lover’s wrath. Supposedly several of the site’s sources knew it first-hand. The lies made me feel ill.
One site claimed I was part of a high-priced flight attendant prostitution ring, and that Justin obviously needed to ask for his money back.
I was almost flattered for a moment as I read the headline of one article. It claimed I was a ‘Swedish Bikini Model’. That sounded complimentary. Until I scrolled to the bottom of the article, which had a link it claimed went to a porno, starring me. I didn’t bother to click on it. I knew for a fact that it wasn’t me, and I didn’t want to see what it actually was.
Another said I was a cocktail waitress, and yet another said that I was a stripper with the stage name ‘Glory Hole’. The slurs went on and on, and I felt humiliated, angry, and heartsick.
This was the price I had to pay for one week of pleasure? I thought in disgust. I was going celibate for the rest of my life.
And I hated myself, for being just as upset that Justin and Jules had still gone out together that night as I was by all of the horrible lies being spread about me…
I got my phone out of my bedroom, finally turning it on after days in the off position. I went straight to Stephan’s name in my texts, completely ignoring all of the other messages and calls that I had missed. I’d missed one from Stephan as well. It had been sent twenty minutes ago.
Stephan: Buttercup, I’ll be home soon. Finishing up lunch now. We need to talk. Please don’t look at anything online until I get there.
I snorted. He should have known better. If I hadn’t already looked, his odd message would have sent me straight to my computer.
I heard the doorbell ring.
That was quick, I thought, as I strode directly to the door.
I wondered why he didn’t just let himself in. He was rarely so formal. He even had my alarm code.
A cold shiver ran through me. I couldn’t place why. Cautiously, I checked the peephole. It was covered.
By a hand, I thought. It made me angry.
I swung the door open, ready to chew Stephan a new one. “You know better than to mess with me like that, Stephan. It’s a mean prank-”
I couldn’t finish as a huge hand seized my throat, shoving me back into the house. I couldn’t even scream as the hand tightened. I blinked, trying to focus on the coldly furious face in front of me. The familiar pale-blue, bloodshot eyes. I could do nothing as the huge blond man picked me up by the throat, and shoved me across the room, my back hitting the wall with a jarring thud.
I clawed at the giant hand that held me suspended like a rag doll. It had no effect. My throat burned, and the impact with the wall had knocked the wind out of me, but the pain was secondary to the terror that gripped me.
A question consumed my thoughts. It was an old familiar pattern for me, when this madman, who exercised so little control over his rage, held me in his grasp. The question circled my brain like a persistent cancer. Would he kill me this time? He always threatened to. Ever since I had stood, not more than four feet away, and watched in horror as he pushed the gun my mother held into her mouth, and pulled the trigger. I had watched in helpless horror as his finger covered hers on that trigger, and pulled so slowly.
Blood had splattered all three of us, but he hadn’t seemed to notice.
At the moment, his words were a confusing tangle of Swedish and English, and I couldn’t for the life of me understand it. I had never been fluent in Swedish, but I’d had to understand it as a child, since my father stubbornly insisted on using it at home. But, either from terror or disuse, any ability to understand it was failing me. I tried to speak, to tell him that, but his hand was still at my throat, cutting off my ability to speak.
His hand relaxed on my throat just enough for me to take a breath. I gasped, then grunted and whimpered as his fist made hard contact with my ribs. I sobbed in another breath, still desperate for air.
He spoke again. This time it was a heavily accented but understandable string of English. “Don’t get the idea that a rich boyfriend will keep you safe from me. If you even think about speaking to the police, I will still kill you. Do you understand?”
I couldn’t speak, but I tried. God, did I try. Finally, I just nodded, but it wasn’t enough. One of those massive fists made contact with my stomach once, and then again. I started to crumble, but he pushed my shoulder into the wall hard enough to keep me upright.
“Look at me,” my father’s cold voice ordered.
I did, getting a good look at him for the first time since he’d charged, like a madman, through my door. It had been six years since I’d seen him, but he’d aged twenty. He was even heavier now, his face dissipated with the signs of a life lived in excess. He was a drunk, a smoker, a chronic gambler, a murderer, and God only knew what else. It had all taken it’s toll on his once handsome face.
I called myself a thousand kinds of fool. I’d known he would never leave Vegas. He had gambled to stay afloat since his parents had disowned him at least twenty-four years before. I had prayed that his destructive lifestyle would take care of him on it’s own, but it had been too much to hope for.
Thinking it was Stephan at my door was no excuse. I was an idiot for letting my guard down for even a second. But he had somehow known when to strike. I was so depressed and despondent that my brain wasn’t working properly. The thought of a real threat had been so far from my mind…
“People have been asking about me, people I don’t know. What did you tell your rich boyfriend about me? Did you tell him about your mother’s death?”
“No,” I sobbed. “I don’t know what people you’re talking about. I didn’t tell him anything. I swear it.”
My words were useless. They always were. My father was a man of action. He grabbed my arm with one hand, punching me in the side with the other. He always spread his punches out. He caught a spot at my back and my spine bowed in pain.
He swept my legs out from under me. I went down easily. He kicked me once, hard, in the back. He walked around me, bringing a booted heel to my neck. “It would be easier than taking a simple step for me to kill you. You understand this? My weight alone will crush your windpipe. Is this how you want to die? Because if you tell anyone what I did to your mother, there is no reason why I shouldn’t kill you. I would not hesitate. Do you understand, sotnos?”
“Yes,” I croaked out. It was a struggle to get that one word out with that huge boot on my neck.
He picked me up, effortlessly propping me back on my feet. “And your man needs to quit poking around in my business.” He raised an enormous fist above me, bringing it down on the back of my head. My world went black.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Epilogue
I awoke to the biggest, baddest headache of my life. It was a doozy. I wanted to sink back into unconsciousness immediately. It was my first conscious thought.
I opened my eyes the tiniest crack. It made the pain even worse, so I shut them again.
I’m in a hospital, was my second conscious thought. Everything, from the way I was propped up, to the smell, to all of the little beeps, clued me in. My third thought was that my head wasn’t the only thing wrong with me. Almost every part of my body throbbed, head to toe.
My hands seemed to be unharmed. My right hand was clutched in a warm, hard hand. I knew that it must be Stephan at my side, and I felt better just from the knowledge of his steady presence. I was in bad shape, but I was alive. And I had Stephan.
I made a second attempt to open my eyes. It was marginally more successful than the first try, but agonizing pain still shot through my temples. I glanced toward the man sitting at my right. I was more than a little unsettled to see that it wasn’t Stephan.
Golden-brown hair trailed into an achingly beautiful face as Justin leaned over my hand, his face stark and desolate, his eyes red, his pretty mouth pursed as though he were in pain. He had the posture of someone who had been sitting slumped over that way for hours, if not days. He looked so tragic that way, and so heart-achingly handsome, that I felt an instant softening towards him. I wasn’t thinking very clearly, but I tried to reach out briefly to comfort him.
My arm didn’t move much, but I was able to grip his hand with a tiny, reassuring squeeze.
His head shot up, his eyes searching. Those vibrant blue eyes looked on the verge of tears. It was surreal to see him like that. He swallowed hard.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. He reached over and pushed a button just to my right, but behind me. And then both of his hands gripped mine, stroking it softly.
My voice was raspy and weak, but I answered him. “Alive.”
He blinked, and a tear slipped down the planes of that perfect golden cheek.
I blinked at him, wondering if I was dreaming. This was such a strange Justin that sat in front of me, nearly a stranger. But then again, he had always been a stranger. Hadn’t he?
“Where’s Stephan?” I asked him. It hurt to talk, so I vowed to keep my talking to a minimum.
“He went to get coffee. He’s been glued to your side.” He nodded at a spot on the other side of me. There was another chair placed right at my side. “He’s even been sleeping there.”
I processed his words, then almost immediately broke my vow of silence. “How long have I been out?”
He lowered his head, touching his forehead to my hand. “Three days. Forever.”
I sighed, feeling a little relieved. It could have been worse. “How long have you been here?” I asked him.
His face looked impossibly tired as he gazed down at our joined hands. “I showed up at your house as the ambulance was taking you away. We followed it to the hospital. Stephan and I were both just minutes too late…”
“You came to my house early,” I said, a small thread of accusation in my voice.
He just nodded. “Yes. But not early enough,” he said, and I could tell that he was blaming himself for what had happened, for showing up too late to stop it, which was crazy, of course.
I supposed, in a disconnected kind of way, that someone who needed so badly to be in control, must also feel the need to take a disproportionate amount of responsibility for things, even things that were completely out of his control. I squeezed his hand.
“How long have you been at the hospital?” I asked again.
He just blinked at me. “Since then, Love. Do you think I could leave you like this?”
My brow furrowed. “Don’t you have work to do?”
He laughed, and it was a rusty sound. “I’m taking some time off.”
I noticed for the first time that the private room we were in was filled to bursting with flowers. They ranged from exotic bouquets, to decadent roses, to simple carnations. It seemed that every flower was represented in the many vases around the room.
“You did this,” I said, as I took it all in.
He kissed my hand. “Not just me,” he said. “The white lilies are from Stephan. And those sunflowers are from Damien and Murphy. The mixed wildflowers are from your airline. And that mixed bouquet is from a group of flight attendants from your class. I got the rest.”
“They’re beautiful. Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” he murmured, watching me like a hawk.
Stephan came in then, and rushed to my other side. Tears ran down his face as he grabbed my other hand.
“How do you feel?” he asked, sitting in what was obviously his chair at my other side..
I grimaced. “Alive.”
“I should go get the nurse,” Stephan said, starting to stand.
“I buzzed her. She’s usually prompt, so she’ll be here any time now,” Justin told him.
Stephan sat again. He stroked my hand comfortingly. “I was just speaking to the police. They want to talk to you when you feel up to it. I told them that I thought it was your father, but I didn’t see him, so they won’t take my word for it. It was your father, right?”
I just nodded, wincing. “Later. I’m definitely not feeling up to it right now. What day is it?”
“Thursday,” Stephan told me.
My eyes widened, my mind automatically going to work. “We fly out tonight?” I asked him.
He patted my hand. “I talked to the director of inflight. He had no problem letting us switch our vacation time, with you being hospitalized. He was actually really great about it, knowing we couldn’t take that much time off unpaid, and that I couldn’t work with you hurt like this. We’ve got two weeks off, so don’t worry about work.”
I shut my eyes in relief. “Thanks, Stephan. You’re the best.”
Justin’s hand tightened on mine. “That’s not enough time. And if you’re that worried about money-”
“Don’t,” I told him, my eyes still closed.
His mention of money opened the floodgate, and I suddenly remembered, quite vividly, why he had no reason to be by my side. I started to withdraw my hand.
He clutched it, and my eyes snapped open, glaring at him. The look in his eyes stopped my hand, and I just didn’t have the heart to glare at someone who looked so…desperate.
“Okay, I won’t. I’m sorry. I just wanted to help,” he reassured me in a way that seemed foreign to him. No one could say he wasn’t trying…
The nurse arrived, checking on me. She asked me about the pain, and I saw her pushing the painkiller button several times. I drifted off.
Both men were seemingly unmoved when I roused again. I could see from the slightly opened shades that it was dark outside. Both of my hands were still warmly enveloped.
“How long was I out that time?” I asked.
Stephan seemed to be dozing, but Justin had his eyes open. He looked like he was praying over my hand.
“Fourteen hours,” Justin said, and kissed my hand. “I think you’ve taken ten years off my life this week.” He reached to punch a button, and I knew he was calling for the nurse again.
It was a different nurse this time, I absently noted, as she left after checking and medding me. They had both been pleasant and quick. I wondered if the hospital always had such good service, or if this was the Justin Cavendish effect.
“You don’t have to stay here,” I told him, as I began to drift off again. He sent me such a hurt look that I tried to take it back even as I sank into a drugged sleep.
Days went by like that, floating in and out of consciousness while my body healed. It was five days before I was up and about. And even then it was a limited amount of activity.
I had a severe concussion, some internal bleeding, and some badly bruised ribs. From the way they felt, I found it hard to believe they weren’t broken. I hated to imagine what they would feel like if they were actually broken, if this was what bruised felt like.
I found out from the doctor that I would be in the hospital for several more days, under observation. All of my injuries were painful, but survivable. I was lucky, I knew. It could have been so much worse.
I had several visitors. The rest of our crew even visited once, pilots included. They wished me well, and chatted pleasantly about nothing important. Neither of the men at my side even offered their spots to the other visitors. I wasn’t surprised.
Justin’s hand tightened on mine once, when Damien reached down to pat my leg. I knew Damien was just being friendly. He would have patted my hand, probably, if they weren’t both already taken.
Justin and Stephan never wandered far from their seats at my side, day or night. Occasionally, they took turns sleeping on a tiny bed that folded out from the wall in the far corner of the room. I couldn’t imagine either man was getting much sleep on the uncomfortably hard looking bed. It was both heartwarming and baffling to me, these two amazing men that insisted on watching over me, completely unconcerned for their own comforts.
A neat, business-like blond woman kept coming in and out of the room, silently handing Justin his phone, or his laptop, or even the occasional stack of papers. I supposed that was how he was able to spend so much time at my side.
“You don’t have to stay here,” I told him. “I understand that you have work to do.”
He just gave me a dismissive glance, working on his laptop.
I was nearly recovered enough to be discharged before Stephan brought up the attack again. “Why did he come after you again, after all these years?” he asked in a hushed voice. Justin was dozing in his bedside chair.
“He mentioned something about people asking questions about him, people that he didn’t know. He saw me in the tabloids, I suppose, and blamed me. He also seemed to think that dating a rich man would make me more likely to get brave and go to the police about him.”
“This was my fault,” Justin spoke, making me start in surprise. His face was ashen. “I’m so sorry.”
I arched a brow at him. “That’s a bit of a stretch. And, anyways, my father wasn’t wrong. I am feeling brave now.”
Justin tried to get me to explain what I meant, but I wasn’t sharing anymore. And there was nothing to share with Stephan. He already knew everything.
I caught the tail end of a hushed conversation as I woke up one morning, days later.
“I think that will do more harm than good,” Stephan was saying to Justin. “She won’t like it. Just give her time, Justin. I know it’s hard, but you’ll have to be patient.”
“What’re ya talkin’ bout?” I mumbled, as my brain crawled out of sleep.
Both men looked a little guilty at being caught discussing me, but neither answered.
“Spill it, Stephan.”
He sighed. “Justin would like to take you to a quiet place to heal. He was suggesting a place on the beach, maybe. And we were trying to figure out how to handle the media circus that seems to follow Justin around.”
I went from groggy to alert as he spoke.
Justin gave me a very solemn look. “I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire of my media circus of a life. That is the entire reason that I wanted to keep our relationship quiet, at first. I was suggesting that I release a statement about our relationship so it’s clear that you and I are together and exclusive. And that Jules is and only ever has been a friend of mine. I hate the implication that you are usurping on her territory. Nothing could be further from the truth.”
I pulled my hand away from Justin, then raised it when he tried to protest.
“Stephan, give us a moment, please,” I said solemnly.
He left without a word, beating a rather hasty retreat.
Justin’s jaw had clenched, and he looked angry and pleading all at once. “Please don’t shut me out, Selena,” he said quietly.
I took a deep breath. My chest hurt. It wasn’t just from the fists that had marked it. It was a deeper pain. “Justin, this has all happened too quickly. I need to take a step back.”
He looked down, hiding his pain-filled eyes, that lovely mouth twisting in a heart-wrenching way. “Please.” His voice was quiet. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you. What can I do?”
I swallowed past a very thick lump in my throat. “Just give me time, please. Things between us happened too fast, and everything that’s happened since has just made me realize that. I can’t think when we’re together. You just sweep me up and I seem to lose all semblance of sane thought. I don’t know that I can be a part of your life, or that I can even accept whatever little piece of it you would carve out for me.” I could tell he wanted to argue, but I quieted him with a look.
“Just give me some time,” I finally repeated. “That’s all I ask. We can discuss this thing we have in a few weeks, maybe a month, if you still want to. Frankly, I half-expect you to just move on in that time.”
He looked very angry now, but he studied me, and I could see that he tried to tamp it down.
“Please have more faith in me than that,” he said quietly. “Will you at least allow me to call you? Or even text you?”
I closed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep, wanting to cry like a baby. “I’ll contact you,” was all I said.
He clutched my hand. “It feels like you’ve already written me off. I wish I knew the words to say to help you understand how serious I am about you.”
There were tears in his voice, and it broke my heart. But he didn’t really try to find any of the words. He never spoke of love, or even how much he cared. It made it easier for me to do what needed to be done. It helped me to tell myself, We barely know each other. This could all mean nothing to him in a month. If he had said he loved me, I might not have been able to manage it.
“I haven’t written you off. I just need time, and space. As you’ve seen and heard, I’m going to be fine. I’ll be released from the hospital anytime now. Today, probably. Stephan will take care of me after that.”
I kept my eyes closed. It was so much easier to say the words when I wasn’t looking at him.
“Goodbye, Justin,” I told him, my voice oddly thick. It was a dismissal.
He kissed my forehead. I felt him watching me for long minutes. Finally, after a suspenseful wait, he departed.
I felt tears slip down my cheeks, but only after he’d gone.
Stephan re-entered some time later. I suspected he had walked Justin out. He came right to my side, seeming to know, without a word from me, what had transpired. “Are you okay, Selena?”
I nodded. “I want to get out of here. And I’m ready to talk to the police, Stephan. I’m going to tell them everything.”
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