#I wholeheartedly don’t want to cause trauma for anyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writethelifeyouwant · 2 years

Text

Runaway | Ch 22

Summary: Instead of attending her spot at a top college in the fall, Y/N runs away from her home on the East Coast and ends up on a city bench in L.A. – lost, cold, and utterly alone. When one of her favourite actors, Jared Padalecki, passes her on his way home from a club with his best friend Jensen, while Y/N is getting ready to sleep in the street on that bench, he finds he can't just walk by.

Pairing: Jared Padalecki x Reader Rating: 18+ Chapter Warnings: trauma victim, extended hospitalisation due to trauma, trauma victim triggered Tags: AU, slow burn, rumours about sexual misconduct, angst, friends fighting, making up, smoking (tobacco) Word Count: 2,502

Series masterlist | Read ahead on my website

Jared strode out of the hospital as quickly as he could without actually running. He felt horrible. Sandra had promised him it wasn’t his fault, that these things happen sometimes, but he still felt awful; triggering a reaction like that for Meredith hadn’t happened for nearly a year, he’d hoped she was past it by now, but evidently not. He wondered what exactly had set it off this time. The only thing he could think of was the videos he was playing out loud on his phone. Maybe the unfamiliar male voice had frightened her when he let the video of Morgan play.

That reminded him, he still didn’t know what that video was about. Now ensconced in the safety of his car, he pulled the app back up and rewound the video to the beginning. Fuck, he thought as he watched it through. This was not good.

“The allegations made against me are something that I’m, of course, taking very seriously.” The Morgan in the video spoke soberly to the camera. “But, I would appreciate the opportunity to tell my side of the story.

“Starting with the accusation of assault at the party in Europe. I’m not going to reveal her name because it seems she wants to remain anonymous and that’s absolutely fine, but this accusation is something that she and I have discussed in the past. I’ve apologised profusely, and I thought we had put this behind us.

“We were both drinking at that party, drinking too much, really, and I wholeheartedly believed at the time that what we were doing was consensual. I was devastated to learn later that she didn’t feel the same, and I am incredibly sorry for any pain the incident caused, but we both agreed that it was an honest mistake, one that I take full responsibility for, but a mistake nonetheless. I am saddened that she has gone to the press and, in my opinion, misrepresented the incident, but obviously she has a right to her own story and I don’t want to silence her if she feels the need to speak about it.”

Jesus Christ.

“In response to the allegation of sexual harrassment on the set of Paris Remembered, this has come as a massive shock to me. I don’t remember anything of the sort happening on that set, and I don’t know the identity of the person who is accusing me of this behaviour. I am planning on cooperating fully with any investigation that results from this accusation, however, it is my impression at this time that this is a false allegation made against me by someone looking to capitalise on the publicity of the incident I’ve already addressed.

“Thank you for watching, and listening to my side of the story. I hope you all have a stellar weekend.”

The video ended and the screen went black. Jared let out a shaky breath. He really couldn’t believe it. He’d never seen Morgan act inappropriately towards anyone, on set or off. He sounded really upset and genuinely apologetic about the incident he owned up to, and Jared could see how easily things like that can be skewed by the media, particularly in this day and age. But the sexual harrassment allegation just made no sense to him, that wasn’t like Morgan at all.

Sighing heavily, Jared ran his hands through his hair to shake off the tension that was tightening up his whole body. He needed a drink. Badly.

Starting up his car he reversed out of his spot and weaved through the parking lot to turn back onto the main road towards the centre of town. He didn’t have a particular place in mind, so he stopped at the first bar he passed. It was just going on evening, so the place wasn’t very crowded yet, and that suited Jared just fine.

Walking up to the bar, he dropped himself heavily onto a stool and asked the bartender for a beer.

“Can you be a bit more specific?” the bartender asked, half joking.

“Dealer’s choice,” Jared grunted. He didn’t particularly care what he drank, so long as it helped him relax a little bit.

“A bit early for the dark broody stranger at a bar act, isn’t it?” A familiar voice spoke just behind his shoulder, and Jared turned to see Jensen standing behind him. His hands were in his pockets, and he was hovering a few steps further away than he normally would be, clearly unsure if Jared would want to see him.

Jared didn’t answer him.

“Are you okay, man?” Jensen asked cautiously, taking a step closer, and Jared heaved a sigh. If anyone would understand what a crappy day he’d had, it was Jensen, and he could really use someone to talk to right now.

“I uh,” Jared cleared his throat when his voice came out scratchy, then tried again. “I just visited Mere in the hospital.” He paused, and Jensen nodded understandingly, taking the unoccupied seat beside his friend.

“Was it one of her bad days?” Jensen asked sympathetically, and Jared nodded. “I’m sorry, man. I know how tough that is on you.”

“I just feel so awful that I can’t do anything about it,” Jared sighed, taking a sip from the drink that the bartender had deposited in front of him a few seconds ago. “It’s pretty shitty when the best thing you can do to help your little sister is not be there.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jensen agreed. “Fuckin’ sucks, dude.” Hesitantly, he reached out and patted his hand on Jared’s shoulder in a gesture of solidarity. Jared was grateful for the contact, after having to be so careful in the hospital not to touch Meredith, being able to interact so casually with Jensen was a relief.

“Thanks, man,” Jared gave his friend a tight smile. They both knew there wasn’t much else they could say about it, this was just the way it was now, but having someone else who understood what was going on was comforting in and of itself.

“Did you want to talk about it at all?”

“There’s not much to say about it,” Jared shrugged, taking another drink. “It was probably my fault she got triggered, I was watching this video on my phone out loud, I think hearing the new voice upset her.”

“What video were you watching?” Jensen raised his brow sceptically.

“First it was a press interview of Quinn and me for the movie, but she started screaming during the video with Morgan,” Jared explained.

“Has she ever done anything like that before?” Jensen probed, and Jared shrugged again.

“Not with a video, but we both know how she reacts around men. She was reading so she probably wasn’t expecting to hear a new voice, I think it just startled her.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jensen shrugged too. He certainly wasn’t a psychiatrist, and Meredith’s condition had always been pretty volatile since the attack. If Jared didn’t think it was that unusual than who was he to say it was. He just felt awful that his best friend had to deal with any of this. Not being able to have a conversation with your sister, or even hug her, he couldn’t imagine just how difficult that was. And he knew Jared still blamed himself for the whole thing, even though it was obviously not his fault.

“So,” Jared cleared his throat and changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on it any longer, “what have you been up to?”

“Still working on my story with Stanford,” Jensen answered mildly, now accepting his own beer from the barman.

“I uh, I’ve been a shit friend, man,” Jared grimaced, “I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that when we–”

“Hey, it’s cool,” Jensen interrupted. “I’m not saying I wasn’t right, but I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”

“How about we don’t talk about that,” Jared laughed uncomfortably, “and you fill me in about the Stanford thing instead.”

“Deal,” Jensen laughed, tapping his drink against Jared in accord.

Jensen had done a load of work for these profiles. All in all there were six students that had potentially gotten into the college unfairly – four football players, one basketball player, and one swimmer.

“And they’re from all over the country, too,” Jensen explained. “I’m trying to figure out if this was like a network sort of thing or if they were all isolated incidents. It makes you wonder how long this sort of thing has been going on for, too. Like are we only just finding out about something that’s always happened, or was it a new idea that’s just massively backfired in a super public way.”

“I’ve certainly never heard of parents helping their kids cheat into school,” Jared mused. “Bribing the school maybe, like with donations or some shit, but actually paying people to take the SATs for their kids?”

“Yeah, it’s weird, right?” Jensen nodded, flipping through his notes. “And now the problem the schools are having is figuring out if the kids were in on it, and if they weren’t, what do they do? Let them stay or kick them out?”

“Yeah, that’s a tough one,” Jared agreed.

“There’s two kids at Stanford, the swimming girl and one of the football players, that I’m positive had no idea what their parents did. When I spoke to them they were so cut up about it, they really thought they’d gotten in on their own merits. Neither of them had fantastic grades but they thought their athletics got them in, not their parents faking their tests for them.”

“That fuckin’ sucks.”

“I know man,” Jensen sighed heavily. “The funny thing is, those two are both from D.C. They went to different private schools, and they didn’t know each other, but I’m looking into whether or not their parents are connected at all. From what I’ve been able to dig up it looks like the same service, or whatever you wanna call it, rigged their scores. Makes you wonder just how deep the whole operation goes.”

“Too bad Mrs. Powalski wasn’t in on it, she coulda faked me into college,’ Jared joked, and Jensen laughed.

“That old crone spent way too much money on cleaning products to be able to afford the kind of bribes these parents are paying,” Jensen scoffed. “Plus, if you’d gone to college, we wouldn’t have such top class cinema like Taking A Chance about to come to a theatre near you,” he grinned, and Jared gave him a playful punch on the shoulder.

“Shut up,” he rolled his eyes.

“You’re done filming now, right?”

“Yeah, we finished last night,” Jared nodded.

“Got any plans for what you’ll do next?” Jensen asked curiously, and Jared shook his head.

“I’ll have the PR stuff for this to keep me going for a bit, but I’m sure Cassie will have some stuff lined up for me when we get back to L.A.” Jared drained the last of his beer.

“Want to get another one?” Jensen asked, already getting up, but Jared stopped him.

“No, I still need to drive back.” He still felt a little keyed up though, and if he couldn’t have another drink… “Would you judge me massively if I went and bummed a cigarette off someone outside?” Jared shot his friend a guilty smile, and Jensen frowned.

“Yes,” he nodded seriously, but then softened a little, “but I’m also not gonna ditch you.”

Jared smiled gratefully and walked outside with Jensen. Luckily, there was an old guy outside already with a full packet of smokes, and he was happy to share.

“You know, smoking’s bad for you son,” he smiled sagely as he lit Jared up, and Jared laughed.

“If I make it to your age, I’ll be happy,” Jared laughed, and so did the old man.

“Happiness is all we can ask for, I suppose,” he smiled and tucked his lighter back into the breast pocket of his suit.

“Thanks,” Jared raised the cigarette in salute, and turned back to Jensen, being careful to exhale the smoke in the opposite direction of his friend.

“So, uh, Y/N/N asked me to come to your wrap party with her,” Jensen admitted nervously, and Jared looked up at him, startled. “I figured you should know, but, it’s just as friends, yeah?”

“Sure,” Jared nodded, processing the new information slowly. “I'm glad she’ll have a friend there, actually, I probably have to hang out with Quinn and the rest of the cast most of the night.”

“Yeah, I’ve uh, I’ve seen some stuff online,” Jensen hedged, looking for Jared to take him up on the hint. He didn’t. “You and Quinn seem to be spending a lot of time together,” he pressed on and Jared scoffed, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Have we?” he answered evasively.

“Y/N/N mentioned it too,” Jensen stuck his hands in his pockets and crushed a stray cigarette butt under his boot, before looking back up at Jared, who was remaining silent. “Are you dating her, man?”

“Who?” Jared asked cheekily, and Jensen kicked his foot.

“Quinn. Are you dating Quinn?” Jensen asked gruffly.

“I–” Jared swallowed nervously. He wanted to tell Jensen the truth, he really did.

“Since when have you liked Quinn? You always said she was too Hollywood for you whenever I joked about it before,” Jensen accused mildly.

“I can change my mind,” Jared hedged.

“Yeah, I guess,” Jensen huffed. “You’ve clearly changed your mind about Y/N/N, then.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jared flicked his eyes to Jensen’s face angrily.

“It means that you might not want to admit it, or talk about it, but I’m not a fucking idiot. You like her, or you did, at least. But if you want to date Quinn, you can date Quinn, it’s not my business.” Jensen shrugged, something sharp beneath the neutrality of his tone that put Jared on edge.

“No, it’s not your business,” he snapped, taking a final drag of his cigarette and snuffing it out beneath his shoe. But then he sighed heavily. “I don’t want to fight about this with you.”

“Sorry,” Jensen grimaced, “I just… I really thought I knew you better than this.”

Jared gulped. The dejected look on Jensen’s face stung. He didn’t like thinking he’d hurt his best friend, especially when Jensen was absolutely right about this whole thing. He couldn’t deal with the disappointment he saw on the man’s face.

“You know me better than anyone,” Jared sighed, leaning back against the brick wall of the bar. “That’s why you can see through all my bullshit.” Jensen looked at him curiously, waiting for him to continue, and all the pent up frustration Jared had been feeling for the past few months about his fake relationship with Quinn, and his persistent feelings for his personal assistant, and his fear that Y/N/N was beginning to push him away, all came tumbling out.

Chapter 23 coming February 22nd or subscribe to my website to read up to Chapter 27!

Runaway: @maliburenee @samsgirl93 @67waywarddaughter @supernatural3002 @deans-baby-momma

We’re All Mads Here: @vulgar-library @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @austin-winchester67 @flamencodiva @katbratsupernaturalwhore @drakelover78 @fictional-affairs @letsbys-library

All SPN: @cemini-winchester @akshi8278 @stoneyggirl @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @slamminmine @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @alaufeyson @raidens-realm @tatted-trina6 @defenderrosetyler @cluz1babe @delightfullykrispypeach @05supernatural20

#Jared x Reader #jared padalecki x reader #Jared Padalecki #Age Difference #mutual pining #Slow Burn #romance #alternate universe #actor!Jared #actor!au #runaway!reader #SPN AU #runaway #writethelifeyouwant #series

23 notes · View notes

atlasshrugd · 3 years

Note

Hi seeing as you seem to be the only sorta active britin blog I can find lol I wanted to ask you about some of your favourite moments for them, as I'm kinda new to the fandom whatevers around lol, and would like to hear peoples thoughts on them if you don't mind answering 😊

Hey there! Sorry I am answering so late, but WOW this is a big ask because there are SO many favorite moments.

So I have narrowed it down to my Top 5:

1. Prom (obviously)

Okay this is a no-brainer. This is literally the most romantic sequence in all of television history. I still have not found something more beautiful, moving, triumphant, loving, and groundbreaking than when Brian and Justin danced to 'Save the Last Dance for Me' at prom. Obviously barring the horrific events of what followed, this scene transcended all stereotypes and barriers and allowed us as the viewers to feel pure happiness and pride as queer people. I remember seeing it for the first time at 14 and feeling so unadulteratedly happy and validated. This was a scene of two gay people unapologetically showing the world that they did not give a shit what anyone thought of them. The only thing that mattered was this thing between them; this unspoken understanding, solace, love, and pride. I still moves me to this day whenever I watch it, no matter how many times I do.

And of course we must talk about the implications of Brian's character in this scene. Throughout season 1, he has been an emotionally stunted and cold individual who does not believe in love, relationships, or trying to make other people happy. Here, in the finale, we see Brian finally putting away all his ego bullshit ("I wouldn't be caught dead in a room full of 18 year olds"), and going out of his way to make someone he cares about happy. The fact that he even showed up at Justin's prom is a direct U-turn from the moral principles he has been reinforcing all season. And by dancing to a "ridiculously romantic" corny song, waltzing, and kissing Justin in front of everyone without giving a shit — that is pride. That is one of Brian's long-accustomed walls tumbling down.

"And don't forget whose taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be..."

2. When they make love for the first time after the bashing

Now these scenes...how do I describe the sheer profundity? After Justin's bashing at prom, Brian is left in shambles. He blames himself for everything, and it is just further proof that Brian's love always causes further destruction. Justin has lost all memory of that night at prom, and this is one of the big tragedies. Justin had promised that he'd never forget it, and that it was the best night of his life. That proof of Brian's love that he had for so long been longing to experience — has disappeared as if it never happened. Now, Justin's confidence and surety of the world has been distorted. He is no longer sure of anything, including himself and Brian. He needs reassurance and things spelled out for him.

When Brian and Justin sleep together for the first time after the bashing, it is not like all the other times they had sex. This, in fact, is the first time they make love. Justin is telling Brian that he trusts him wholeheartedly, enough to allow him in his body again after his own agency had been ripped away from him. This is where Justin absolves Brian of his guilt. He takes the blood-stained scarf off his shoulders, lets it fall to the ground. He gives Brian the forgiveness that Brian cannot offer himself.

"Like the first time?" Brian asks, because it is the anniversary of their first meeting, but at the same time—it is nothing like the first time. Now, they are not strangers. They are more acquainted with each other than they have ever sought to be; know each other in such profound depths. They are forever linked by this thing they have both experienced, but it is not just that shared trauma. It is based off deep understanding and love. They have, somehow along the way, become more each other than themselves. They know that they have become irreplaceable and inseparable parts of each other. And Brian has been holding onto that guilt for so long that it has become rooted deeply within him. SO when Justin absolves him of it, Brian allows himself to truly feel for the first time since the bashing. He gives himself to Justin, in that moment, as Justin gives himself to Brian. It is a brilliant and tender scene of trust, devotion, acceptance, and absolution. Something they both needed to soothe their troubled souls, and a new basis for their relationship.

3. When Brian helps Justin walk down the street after the bashing

Again, this is Brian showing nurturing, care, patience, compassion, and selflessness to another person. Justin trusts him enough to rely on him, and Brian doesn't take this trust lightly. These are some of the sweetest scenes of the whole show, because this is when Brian is completely focused and devoted to Justin. He wants to help him, more than anything, to get better. And he accepts and takes up this role of carer, not because he has to, or because he is obligated or forced to. But because he will do anything to ensure that Justin will be okay, and that he gets the life he deserves.

Specifically, my favorite scene is when the song 'Grand pianos crash together, when my boy walks down the street...' is playing. Justin is walking through a crowd and Brian has his arms outstretched. When they come together, they hug deeply and easily. This scene is so simple and pure, so chaste, but it shows the true essence of their relationship, beyond all the facades and bells and whistles. At the heart of it, Brian and Justin care about each other more than they care about themselves. They have established a stable foundation of trust that they can rely on. And it also perfectly encapsulates just how far Brian has come once again. He is showing such selfless care and devotion to a boy in public daylight, kissing and hugging him and not wanting to let go of his hand. Season 1 Brian would have never even considered that. This just shows how much the events of the prom changed him, and shows how his desire for responsibility of another person has matured him. He had been forced to face his inner feelings, fears, and truths. Now, they are out in the open for the first time and Brian accepts this. This alone is a huge development.

Brian is also afraid to let go of Justin. When Justin says he can walk back himself and says 'Later,' Brian repeats it apprehensively as he holds Justin's hand until he can't anymore. Then, he watches Justin go, walking through the crowds. The look on his face is wistful, a little troubled. He hasn't wanted to face just how much he enjoys Justin's presence and how much happier and content he is when Justin is with him. He hasn't wanted to face just how afraid he is to lose Justin again. Their words of 'Later' are a direct mirror of their last words on prom night, just before Justin got bashed. Brian had watched Justin walk away, too. And a second later, he was gone.

4. Pride

This is probably one of my all-time favorite scenes in television ever. I have cried each time I've seen it. There is something so pure, essential, liberating, triumphant and tender about this scene, and the song that plays (Chiquitita by ABBA) certainly shows it. Firstly, Justin accepts Brian in his entirety and doesn't expect him to change. He knows how much Brian has been devoting to Justin in his recovery, and how strange that role is for Brian. Here, he tells Brian to 'go find a stud, ask him to dance,' — because he knows how much Brian has been sacrificing for him. This alone shows Justin's maturity and inner strength. He loves Brian, so he will not try to change him or shackle him. He wants Brian to be free to choose and live the way he wants, and that is what he fell in love with.

But when Justin shows this sacrifical and detached love for him, Brian realises that there is nothing he wants to do; no one he wants to be with more — than Justin. He is aware of the myriads of choices he has. But he chooses Justin. (Technically, for the first time, perhaps aside from prom. But even at prom, he had been running from something [turning 30]. Here, he chooses Justin without pressure for the first time.)

So, he follows him outside. He ask him "Hey, stud. Wanna dance?" Justin doesn't believe him at first, because he is not used to Brian choosing him by his own volition. He cannot imaging Brian passing up getting laid, especially after being celibate for the whole day. He also feels like a burden; like Justin's recovery has been inflicted on Brian, stopping him from living his life normally. Justin loves Brian enough to let him be free, but the biggest part? Brian loves Justin enough to choose him in that freedom.

So this marks another checkpoint in their relationship. Not only is there trust, understanding, and love — there is also desire. Sure, they have always desired each other. But this desire is not the physical kind or one born out of loneliness. This is desire for the other person as a whole. This is desiring another person's company because theirs is the only company you want. This is desiring to be with someone when there are so many other options. This is real desire — the kind that originates from the heart and not the flesh.

"I promise you won't forget this one." Brian is promising Justin that this dance will be theirs, just theirs. Not to stick it to anyone, to show anyone anything, to make some kind of point, or to make somebody happy. This dance is theirs, for the reason that Brian wants Justin to have this: this moment where Brian only wants Justin, where he dances with him simply because he wants to. And he wants Justin to have this memory, to overcome all the vague blurriness of their past. He wants this dance to be the one he remembers when he questions himself. And so they dance, and they sway, and they kiss, and they press their heads together, and the lights are bright and colored on Liberty Avenue, and everywhere people are free and joyful, and there is nothing to prove, no one to run from, nothing to hide. Their arms are wrapped around each other and the sound of 'You'll be dancing once again...and the pain will end...you will have no time for grieving...' tumbles through the air and all around them. 'But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.' Now: there is nothing to be afraid of, and everyday life is full of reasons to be alive. To be proud.

5. Their reunification

This is one of their main checkpoints. This scene is the moment they finally become equals. Justin had left Brian for the reason that Brian could not give him what he needed to be happy, which was: reassurance. After the bashing, Justin lost all sense of who he was. There was a huge gap in his memory, therefore a huge part of himself he could not claim. He had lost partial use of his dominant hand which took away the only thing that gave him solace; his drawing ability. He was no longer sure of anything and needed things spelled out for him. He needed to talk about it.

But Brian was not willing to do that, because he himself was struggling with trauma from the incident that he did not want to face. Where his love language is in acts of service (letting Justin live with him, paying for his tuition, helping him recover) — Justin needed to hear the words. He needed verbal affirmation to prove that he wasn't crazy and just projecting his feelings onto Brian. He could no longer trust his own perception and interpretation of things whereas in the past he could read Brian's mixed signals easily without needing confirmation. This is the part Brian failed to understand. He was not willing to concede his identified notions of 'relationships' and 'love' — no matter how far he came. He had not accepted that his feelings for Justin were love, and that scared him. So he refused to compromise with Justin, believing that his actions were enough when they weren't. But all Justin needed was to be heard, and for someone to love him enough to give hime what he needed sometimes (which was, verbal and emotional affirmation).

So their relationship ended, and Justin thought he could get what he needed from Ethan, which proved to be another big lie. So at the end, Justin still cannot trust his own perception, but — he finally knows what he wants.

He comes to the realization that while Brian could not give him the words, he gave him honesty. He learned from Ethan that words without action had no meaning. So he prioritized what mattered more to him: hearing that Brian loved him? Or, knowing that Brian loved him. So he chose honesty.

And this is when they could get back together without that imbalance and insecurity.

"And you are never to play violin music in my presence again." This single line is the only thing Brian needed to say to indicate to Justin that he was hurt by Justin leaving. Brian has been putting up a front of indifference for their entire break up, only indulging in pain management in private. Justin leaving him irrefutably hurt him more than he could have ever anticipated. But he did not show it.

So, Justin smiles — a little nod of awareness — because that is all Brian needed to say. And he says, "I promise."

"And it's time...that we...grow old and so some shit..." plays in the background (Lover's Spit) as they start to undress each other, because they are now on the same playing field. They have no illusions, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations anymore. They are starting anew; a little older and a little wiser than before. Brian knows how painful it is to lose Justin. Justin knows how skewed his perception had been, because he had been so caught up in his isolation that he could not see the truth of Brian's actions.

But they both know at least one thing: that life is better together than apart.

Tbh I could go ON and write a dissertation about each of these individual scenes, but I hope this made sense and gave a little more insight on these scenes and characters. Thank you for the great question!

#queer as folk #ask #britin #qaf #brian kinney #justin taylor #brian x justin #mine

77 notes · View notes

girlinlotsoffandoms · 2 years

Text

she's her daddy's girl, her momma's world - chapter 10

there’s no place like home

in the aftermath of his shooting and Maya’s kidnapping, Kelly comes home

Read on AO3

“You ready to blow this popsicle stand?”

“You have no idea.” Severide smiled, looking up from the bag he was packing and turning his attention to the door of his hospital room where Stella was waiting. “Where’s Maya?”

“Casey and Brett took her to grab lunch for us while I came to get you,” Stella explained, entering the room to stand next to Kelly. “She was very excited when she found out you were coming home today. She was practically bouncing off the walls.”

“She doing okay?”

It’d been almost a week since Severide had been shot and Maya had been kidnapped. The first night, Maya and Stella both spent the night in his hospital room. Casey and Brett had offered to take Maya home for the night and the Cruzs’ offered Maya a sleep over with little Otis, but Maya refused. It was a rare occurrence for Maya to throw a fit, but the tantrum that followed anyone trying to get her to leave her parents was one of epic proportions. It had taken a long time (and lots of cuddles with her daddy) before she calmed down and the hospital staff felt so bad for the toddler, they let her stay.

Natalie had one stipulation for letting Maya stay at the hospital; she had to talk to Dr. Charles. Stella agreed wholeheartedly so, while Kelly slept off his most recent dose of pain medication, she took Maya to Dr. Charles’ office.

Dr. Charles spent some time with Maya, talking with her while she drew a picture for Kelly, and told Stella that, despite the tantrum, Maya seemed to be handling the day’s trauma relatively well. He told Stella that Maya’s clinginess, her need to be with her parents, was normal given what she’d gone through. The psychiatrist assured Stella that Maya would overcome the trauma of the day with time.

Stella and Maya left Dr. Charles’ office with a referral to a child psychologist and a promise that Dr. Charles would check in on all of them tomorrow. Stella carried Maya back to Kelly’s room, despite the toddler being fully capable of walking. It had been the longest, most stressful day of Stella’s life and, although Maya and Kelly were going to be fine, she wanted the reassurance that came with having Maya close.

When they arrived back to Kelly’s hospital room, he was still asleep, but Brett and Casey were there. They’d swung by the loft and packed a bag for Stella and Maya and grabbed dinner for the family. Despite Brett and Casey being Maya’s godparents, and two of her favorite people, she only had eyes for Kelly.

She wiggled in Stella’s arms, wanting to be let down. The second Maya’s feet hit the floor she was running towards the bed and trying to climb up to get to her daddy. Before she could get too far and hurt herself, or wake up Kelly, Stella swooped in again. “Easy baby, we don’t want to wake daddy up. Let’s eat dinner first and then you can sit with him, OK?”

Maya pouted, but she listened to her mom and ate her dinner with little complaint. When she was finished however, there was nothing stopping the determined toddler from being back by her dad’s side. Thankfully Kelly had woken up by that point, so getting Maya in the bed with him without hurting him was easy. Even if Maya did touch something or move in a way that caused Kelly pain, he wouldn’t say anything; after watching her be taken from him, and being unable to do anything to stop it, Kelly never wanted her to leave his side again.

For the rest of that evening and the night that followed, Maya didn’t. She spent the night next to him in the hospital bed and neither she nor Kelly felt the least bit guilty about making the nurses’ jobs a little more difficult.

With a level of resiliency only children seem to possess, Maya was back to her normal bubbly self the next day. She put up no fight when Casey and Brett came to pick her up and take her away from the hospital for the day. Stella and Kelly weren’t ready to send her back to daycare just yet, but they knew Maya needed to get out of the hospital. Plus, as their best friends, Casey and Brett would likely be less annoyed by their constant text messages to check in.

The plan was for Maya to stay with Casey and Brett for a few days while Stella stayed at the hospital with Kelly however, the plan changed after the toddler struggled with nightmares throughout the night. They brought her back to the hospital the next day and Kelly and Stella were just going to have her stay with them, but Dr. Charles suggested getting Maya back on her normal schedule, as best as possible.

So that’s what they did. Over the next few days, Stella and Maya spent their nights at the loft and their days bouncing between visiting Kelly in the hospital, going to therapy appointments, and getting back in the swing of their daily routine. And now that Kelly was finally coming home, the family would be together again, and things would get back to normal.

Or whatever ‘normal’ would look like for them now.

“She’s back to her normal, happy self. It’s like it never even happened.” Stella sighed softly. “And that’s what worries me.”

“Hey,” Kelly said, dropping the shirt in his hands and turning to face Stella. He wrapped his arms around her. “We’re gonna get her all the help, love, and support she needs. She’s going to be fine. She’s strong, just like her mom.”

Stella wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled at his sweet words. He always knew what to say to calm her down. “She has you too, you know.”

“Let’s just hope she hasn’t inherited my coping skills,” Kelly said with a self-deprecating grin.

Stella rolled her eyes but chuckled. She removed her arms from around Kelly’s neck and lightly slapped his chest before picking up the bag on the bed and slinging it over her shoulder. She held out a hand, “Let’s go home.”

Kelly grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Yes please.”

… … …

It was a quick trip from the hospital back to the loft. When they opened the door, Casey and Brett were in the kitchen, sitting out the food for lunch, while Maya sat close by in one of the bar stools. The second Maya saw them, she jumped from her bar stool and ran towards them, scaring her parents and her godparents. “Mommy! DADDY!!!!”

The toddler sprinted straight for Kelly, but Stella squatted down and grabbed her before she could crash into Kelly’s legs. “Easy baby girl. What did we say about jumping off the bar stools?”

“No jumpin’,” Maya said quietly. “But daddy—!”

“Just got out of the hospital and we don’t want to go back because you need stitches or a cast.” Stella scolded gently. “OK?”

Maya nodded and Stella hugged her, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

“Can I hug daddy now?” Maya asked sweetly.

Stella and Kelly shared a look and laughed. “Yes baby,” Stella said. “You have to be gentle though, OK? Daddy’s still hurt so you have to be careful.”

Maya nodded excitedly and Stella moved out of the way, allowing Maya to gently, but excitedly, wrap her arms around Kelly’s legs. He reached down and placed a hand on her head, running his fingers through her curls.

After breaking off the hug, Maya grabbed Kelly’s hand and tried to pull him towards the kitchen. “Lunch time daddy! Unca Matt got your favorite!”

Kelly let Maya pull him into the kitchen, where he saw the spread of food on the kitchen island. The toddler was right, Casey and Brett did get one of his favorite restaurants for lunch, but he also saw an order of chicken nuggets he knew came from somewhere else.

“Looks like Uncle Matt got your favorite too,” Kelly said with a smile.

Maya’s smile grew and she nodded, her curls bouncing happily. Kelly snorted and looked from his daughter to his best friend, quirking an eyebrow.

“You didn’t need to stop and get her something special. She would’ve eaten this,” Kelly said, gesturing to the other food on the island.

Casey shrugged; he’s never been able to say no to his goddaughter. “She was so excited about them when I asked her what we should get you…I didn’t want to break her heart.”

Kelly and Stella shared a look and laughed. Brett tried to laugh with them, but they knew she was just as complicit as Casey was and, once again, the parents were thankful for choosing their best friends to be their daughter’s godparents.

The group made their plates and gathered around the table, settling in for some good food and good conversation. Kelly took his meds and convinced Maya to eat something other than chicken nuggets. The toddler was fairly easy to convince—all Kelly had to do was promise to be the one to put her down for her nap and she happily ate the veggies he put on her plate.

Once lunch was finished, Kelly grabbed Maya’s hand and walked her into her room, keeping his promise about putting her down for her nap. While he was gone, Stella, Brett and Casey cleaned up from lunch and put everything away. They retired to the living room to wait for Kelly to return, but after 30 minutes, he still hadn’t emerged from Maya’s room.

Stella knew that if anything bad or concerning had happened to Kelly, Maya would’ve yelled for her, but after everything that had happened the past week, she still had a bad feeling in her stomach. Leaving Casey and Brett in the living room, Stella made her way to Maya’s room and quietly opened her door. The sight she was met with chased out the bad feelings, leaving nothing but peace and love behind.

Kelly and Maya were on her bed, sound asleep. Kelly had his arm around Maya, securely holding her against his side. Stella smiled and leaned against the doorway, watching for a moment. She closed the door behind her and made her way back to the living room.

“They OK?” Casey asked.

“They’re good,” Stella said with a smile.

There was still healing to do, for everyone, but the Severide family was together again and that was a good start.

#she's her daddy's girl her momma's world #kelly severide #stella kidd #maya severide #stellaride #chicago fire #homecoming #recovery fic

12 notes · View notes

seeker-of-stories19 · 3 years

Text

Found this article about things Ian did wrong in Shameless and I’m not saying he’s perfect but this didn’t even make sense so I’m fixing it. (Part 2)

10/20

C’mon I’m dying here so I’ll just reiterate what I was saying in part one of this. He’s mentally ill, so no he’s not making great decisions but that’s not his fault. Also at this point in the show he’s really starting to live with his bipolar disorder, he’s on better meds and he’s moving forward in his life. And seriously if you want to have sex with a ton of people who cares as long as your safe and honest with your partners, which wasn’t the case for Ian but I was annoyed by the overall negativity of this section’s title because it’s really no one else business.

9/20

I don’t have a lot to say about this one because it was a pretty bad thing to do regardless of the circumstances. But I’d like to add that they didn’t have enough of a relationship to be massively affected, and that the last sentence makes Frank out to be the victim of the series. It’s obviously referring to the bridge incident in which he was a victim but saying “he struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty” seems unfounded and out of character. It’s never mentioned again and isn’t this big moment of shattered relationships it’s made out to be in the article.

8/20

Personally I really liked Trevor as a character and I even thought his relationship with Ian was good for the series because it kind of represented everything Ian wanted from Mickey that he couldn’t give and I think being with someone who was maybe his dream guy when he was younger helped him move past whatever idealism he had surrounding his relationship with Mickey by realizing that it wasn’t really what he wanted or needed. And as for Mickey their relationship is clearly unconventional in a variety of ways but they love each other so much and overcome so much more than most people in their relationship. It wouldn’t be considered ‘healthy’ from a phycological standpoint but they work really well together and complement each other and make each other happy. Whatever they have works for them and that’s all that matters.

7/20

This one is also pretty bad but while I’m not justifying his behavior here I still didn’t like how it was presented. Starting once again with the fact that Ian shouldn’t blackmail an old client but at the same time old men shouldn’t be having sex with underage teenagers. And overall I could see Ian’s power play being the result of a mental illness induced trauma that caused him to make decisions he wouldn’t have in a stable mindset. He was not mentally stable and he was high which means he was being taken advantage of even if it was consensual and his clients didn’t have this information. It not being intentional wouldn’t stop it from being traumatizing or hurtful to Ian and I could understand why he’d want to take a little bit of power back after being helpless for so long. Also its nothing like Frank because he’s doing it for a good reason, not to get wasted or high so that again doesn’t make sense.

6/20

Yeah so not his best moment but I’d just like to add that he was genuinely trying to help people so no one would have to struggle the way he (and Mickey) did. And while his behavior quickly turned erratic he was still trying to help albeit in his own unstable way. But it is later revealed that Ian was off his meds at this point which kind of dissolves any validity this claim may have had. And his attitude toward Trevor could be attributed to this as well (or maybe Ian was just losing interest, who knows?)

5/20

His meds don’t cure his illness they just balance it out and sometimes it’s not enough. He doesn’t stop taking his medication because he’s selfish but because he’s sick. And as for the rest of it he’s mentally ill, he’s not thinking straight, and it’s not his fault.

4/20

He’s bipolar and he’s off his meds, not sure how many more ways I can think to say this.

3/20

Great well they’ve been giving him a hard time for at least the past three sections and now the opposite criticism is being made. He believed in the cause and he said he believed in it at his hearing but telling the judge and a group of his followers that the way he’d handled the issue was wrong took courage and I was upset at his followers, some of whom were friends as well, for abandoning him when he admitted he was off his medication. Saying he shouldn’t have withheld a child from their parents and that he shouldn’t have blown up a van aren’t the same as saying he didn’t believe wholeheartedly in the cause.

2/20

Ian lives a life he’s happy with and that’s what matters. So he didn’t go to college (and get kicked out) or buy real estate (and then lose it and subsequently go off the deep end) he manages his bipolar disorder, works as an EMT, and is married to the love of his life while looking out for his siblings too. This seems like a pretty great life to me and despite its challenges he still has room to grow. And again with the medication, seriously?

1/20

Well this is so bad it’s almost funny. Literally Ian and Mickey are the only reason to watch this show and this comment had me torn between laughing and throwing my phone when I read it. I’m going to break it down a little anyway though for fun. So Mickey denied his feelings for Ian (internalized homophobia by the way) considering how his dad behaves when given this news can you blame him for wanting to protect himself? There was the rape incident with Svetlana, Terry tried to beat him to death when he came out, he burned down their wedding venue and tried to kill them on their honeymoon. I wonder why he didn’t accept he was gay sooner? And I’m sorry but are you kidding me, Ian being bipolar does not keep them from being happy, this is discriminatory towards people with mental illness in relationships, insulting to their characters, and blatantly untrue. The whole article was underplaying his mental illness and now they’re saying he can’t be in a happy relationship because of it? Also, the only time they weren’t faithful was when Ian was first suffering bipolar symptoms and didn’t have his meds which isn’t his fault, before that Mickey was just trying to force himself into being someone he could never be because he’s traumatized and afraid (and they weren’t exclusive and Ian knew he was with other people.) I’d like to point out again that there was heat on Ian for this earlier and it’s contradictory but so what he didn’t run away with Mickey. He wanted too but felt responsible for taking care of his family and things worked out better for him having stayed. Their relationship is unique and funny and sexy and they make each other happy so I don’t know what else there is to say.

I really hope people enjoyed this because it took me forever, I’d love to know everyone else’s thoughts.

P. S. The full article is posted to part one of this post for anyone who wants to check it out but mostly to give the writer credit.

Part 2/2

#shameless #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #gallagher’s #gallavich #rant post #ranting #bipolar disorder #mental illness #mental disorder #my thoughts

39 notes · View notes

agent-cupcake · 3 years

Note

I don't know if you've touched upon this in your asks before, but I find the way Claude's parents treated him as a kid upsetting. When he misbehaved he got dragged behind a horse and they apparently left him on his own to be bullied by his half-brothers and survive assassination attempts. I want to give my poor boy a hug. :(

I’m not sure I’ve ever specifically talked about this, but I agree! Compared to Edelgard and Dimitri, his childhood wasn’t as overtly awful, but it obviously left him with some severe scars (his trust issues, being an outcast, knowing that he has to cover physical weakness by being smarter than everyone else) and it is really sad. Like, yes, meme man deer boy haha, but also... Poor kid?

I think the writing for Claude’s background is pitch perfect. Just the WAY he describes that story about being dragged by a horse is heartbreaking cause he’s so casual like “lol yeah my parents thought it was hilarious to torment me” then quickly moves on because Hilda’s rightfully horrified by it. But, in context, that’s clearly meant as an ice breaker or joke, not that serious to his which is also so human because it was normalized. Joking and making light of trauma is possibly one of the best coping mechanisms there is. It’s also interesting that Claude never really seems to hold any disdain for his parents despite the fact that they betrayed him in basically every way a parent could. He just addresses things as they were and rationalizes his upbringing while still maintaining a positive, or at least working, relationship with his parents. To me, this is a very nuanced take on people’s interactions with their families. Claude places a lot more of the blame on circumstances. That’s especially apparent in this line: “But in the right environment, anyone could be seen as an outsider. It can become…overwhelming. That’s why I kept running. Kept fighting. As a kid I spent a lot of time licking my wounds and coming up with schemes, trying to keep my nose out of trouble while plotting against my enemies. My parents always told me I wouldn’t grow stronger if I didn’t learn to fight my own battles. And so, in the end, I did. And I grew up to be as independent and self-reliant as my parents always wished for me to be. Lucky me, right?” Obviously, there’s that tone of ironic bitterness, but it’s kind of passive. It seems like Claude regrets that that’s how it happened because he obviously lost a lot in the process of learning self-reliance, but acknowledging that it did ultimately make him a more capable person to play the bad hand he was dealt in being born of mixed parentage. Which is just... really sad.

Despite not being as dramatic as some of the others, Claude’s story a lot more realistic, or at least relatable. Like Dimitri and Edelgard, he never had agency in the circumstances of which he developed, stripped of a childhood and forced to grow up quickly for the sake of self-preservation. Although, in his case, I think it made him a lot more mature. Not so much in emotional ways, but in a very practical sense. Dimitri and Edelgard grew up in a chrysalis of trauma, developed in some ways but still very immature in others. Neither of them have ever had to be independent and take care of themselves, even when drowning in isolation and pain. There’s also something to be said for the fact that they both had people who loved and unconditionally cared for them, even if the bad ultimately outweighed the good. They both know how to recognize and reach out for that, as evidenced by the unhealthy bond they form with Byleth. Claude didn’t have that. I don’t recall that he mentions any close friends and his family was a mess. Obviously nobody stuck up for him. Not that he needs to talk about it, as his difficulty forming actual trusting bonds with others is enough of an indication that he missed out on those emotionally formative experiences. Just because he was able to take it on the chin and jokes about it doesn’t make the things he describes and the way his childhood affected him any less tragic. When people brush over his past just because it’s not as overtly awful as some of the other characters, it strips away context for a lot of the most interesting and morally questionable aspects of his character.

TD;LR sorry for the rant, I wholeheartedly agree with you and will do anything to avoid my finals and talking about Claude for an hour is therapeutic. We should all give him a hug.

#fire emblem three houses #claude von riegan #fe claude #Anonymous

157 notes · View notes

blackstonesandtrapnest · 4 years

Note

Hi could you write some sfw&nsfw head cannons for nana osaki x f!reader? 🥺💓💕 Thank u sm!!

Thanks for the request anon and yes I will :) I was waiting for someone to request headcanons for her ^_^ I hope these are to your liking!

~~SFW~~

Approaching Nana is not an easy task since she comes off as aloof and intimidating yet beautiful to most people. But don’t worry! Nana is quite easy to talk to and whether you meet her on your own or through a mutual friend, she’ll accept you with semi-open arms.

Don’t get things twisted though. It takes a lot for Nana to open up to someone and she doesn’t talk about herself to people she doesn’t know. If you ask questions or get curious, she’ll only answer so much and she’ll tell you if she doesn’t wanna talk about whatever the subject is. In return, Nana won’t ask you anything personal about your own life or past unless you bring it up in conversation.

How Nana opens/warms up to you depends on when you meet her in life. If you meet her while she’s in Tokyo after her break-up with Ren, then you’ll have an easier time since she’s at a more stable time in her life and is trying to strike it big in the music industry. If you meet her after Ren’s death and her departure from Tokyo, getting close to her will be pretty difficult because of all the trauma and pain she’s gone through. Either way, you’ll have to prove yourself to Nana if you wanna get in her good graces.

Nana has never dated a woman before so if you wanna explore your attraction to her, you’ll have to make the first move. She’ll be flustered and sputter a bit but she’ll come around when you give her enough time. If you really wanna get Nana’s attention, be bold and unapologetic about it. She might complain and bitch at you but anyone can tell she’s not really mad. Go easy on the poor gal will ya?

Sadly being with Nana isn’t gonna be all sunshine and rainbows. Balancing her career and personal life is one of the biggest struggles she has to face daily and there will be times when she’ll choose BLAST over you. Nana will not abandon her career for the sake of your relationship but she doesn’t want to lose you either. If you have a career of your own, then that makes things much better but there will be some tension if you’re better at balancing things than she is.

Another flaw of being with Nana is how possessive and manipulative she is. Once you establish yourself as a constant in her life, Nana’s not letting go of you. She’s like a pit bull that’s locked onto you and she’ll bite anyone that tries to hurt you. Nana’s possessiveness isn’t as straightforward as Shin’s and you probably won’t even realize that she has this trait unless you’re very good at observing and reading between the lines. But Nana’s possessiveness is smothering and it can feel like you’re catering to her all the time like you’re some kind of pet. She also suffers from anxiety, often having panic attacks but she tries to keep it a secret from you so she doesn't worry you.

Once Nana gets used to you and being in a relationship with you, she’ll start taking charge and initiating things more often. She doesn’t want you doing all the work because she’ll feel guilty which is due to how independent she is.

If you’re the kind of gal who takes no bullshit and will call Nana out to nip things in the bud, prepare yourself for an argument that will most likely end in tears. It will most likely be similar to the fight Nana had with Shin in Episode 36. The best way to resolve things with Nana is to stick to your guns and not fall for her tactics. Be the bigger person and Nana will respect you more.

Nana’s toxic traits and independence stem from her abandonment issues caused by her mother and Ren. She doesn’t want to lose any more people in her life and she doesn’t wanna be hurt again. But Nana is fully aware of her bad traits and wants to change but doesn’t know how to. She’s so used to running away from her problems that she’s made an art form out of it. Nana facing her issues head on will take a firm hand as well as patience from you. Show her that she’s not alone as well as support her wholeheartedly and she’ll be by your side, purring like a kitten.

~~NSFW~~

1. Nana's only had one sexual partner (Ren) and she's never had sex with a woman before so when you two start to become intimate, you'll have to take the lead for a while since Nana has no idea what she's doing and she'll just be fumbling around which will lead to giggles between you two.

2. Nana's sex drive is pretty average and she's generally cautious too. But since she doesn't have to worry about pregnancy this time around, she'll definitely take more risks and can get pretty wild if she's pushed far enough. Nana prefers to have sex in the privacy of her own home and if you suggest having sex somewhere else, she'll get flustered and yell at you but she won't turn you down if you take a more physical approach. The only places Nana is willing to have sex with you is her dressing room, backstage after a concert, and in your car. You try to suggest anywhere else and you'll get shut down with a quickness.

3. Once Nana gets used to having sex with you, she's gonna start being more dominate and initiating sex more often. She prefers giving over receiving and she prefers to use her fingers and tongue over sex toys but she isn't opposed to using them either. Nana's fingering game is on point and if you like it rough and fast, she's perfect for you! Nana's tongue game is just as good if not better and she'll be between your legs for so long that they'll go numb!

4. As for sex toys, Nana's never used them before so you'll have to take her to a sex shop and show her the various things that can be used to spice up your sex life. Nana will be quite awkward and embarrassed since she's not one to discuss sex so openly so she needs to be eased into the experimentation. Patience is a virtue with her!

5. Nana will definitely have her own collection of vibrators, dildos, and strap-ons and yes they will be big. Size queen anyone? But she will definitely have plenty of lube as well to make you comfortable. Nana also loves spanking, handcuffs, blindfolding, and choking. Her main no-no is anal. She doesn't wanna give or receive that! The most she'll do is fingering but that's all you'll get in that category! As far as dirty talk is concerned, Nana doesn't like to be called degrading names nor does she like to use them. Don't even try the humiliation thing or Nana won't be fucking you for quite a while!

6. When receiving, Nana will be putty in your hands. She'll moan, beg, and gasp as her orgasms make her body shake and quiver. She'll be having spasgasms instead and she'll be singing in a whole different way! Nana obviously likes it rough and she loves to be manhandled so don't worry about hurting her when it comes to using the toys. You'll definitely be using hers instead of yours because she likes them big and don't hold back either! If things ever do get out of hand between you two, there's always a safeword and it's BLAST as one would expect.

7. The most rounds Nana will do with you is 2 but to make up for it, she'll make sure that they're as long as possible so you'll be fully sated and satisfied especially if your sex drive is higher than hers. If she's too tired to have sex with you, then you'll have to settle for masturbating. If Nana's not into it, it's not happening at all.

8. One of Nana's secret fantasies is sexting and having phone sex. But she's ashamed to admit it because of her status as a musician and because she's too worried about anything on her phone or yours getting leaked out to the public for everyone to see. If you decide to initiate things by sending her a dirty picture/text or calling her while masturbating, Nana will literally drop her phone in shock and have a shocked Pikachu face. Nana.exe has blue-screened! But she'll come around eventually so don't worry. However there are gonna be some ground rules to prevent anyone else from seeing/overhearing you two or leaking everything to the public. If that ever happened, Nana would be mortified!

9. Aftercare with Nana is the only time she'll be slow and sensual with you. It'll also be one of the few times she starts opening up to you, talking to you about things she normally wouldn't talk about with anyone else. Nana's way of giving aftercare is taking a luxurious shower with you and massaging your sore muscles while whispering sweet praises to you. Afterwards, she'll cuddle with you while having a smoke. If you smoke as well, then she'll share a cigarette with you which is very rare for her. Nana definitely lets you get away with things she wouldn't allow anyone else to do but that's only one of the many signs of how much she loves you and even though she acts like a tsundere about it, she'll do anything to keep you in her life and she'll always love you no matter what happens!

#nana #nana anime #nana manga #nana osaki #female reader #bringing sexy back #nana headcanons #anime imagines #anime headcanons #nana imagine #Ai Yazawa

204 notes · View notes

chanel5designer · 3 years

Text

Macgyver 5x10 final scene continuation fanfic

....“Hiding your emotions. Did they go way?”

Riley stares deeply into Mac’s eyes, trying to decipher what she sees written on Mac’s face. There is such a raw intensity about it - a longing she’s spent many nights dreaming about but never really believed she would experience with Mac.

A little frown appears on her forehead as she replies, “Why does it matter Mac? You’re going to propose to Desi.”

A flash of hurt skates across his face. Brokenly he responds, “It changes everything, Riles. I admit that my desire to propose to Desi wasn’t as well thought out as it should have been.” He glances away from Riley and gets a faraway look in his eyes, “Ever since my dad died, and losing Jack, I’ve been searching for a way to stabilize and clarify my relationship with Desi. I thought that by making that grand gesture by proposing marriage would get us back on the right track in our relationship. Admittedly, not my best, but I am so tired of feeling alone, like I don’t really belong to anyone. The uncertainty was driving me nuts. Until your confession, I thought you only saw me as a really good friend. I love our friendship, and the thought of screwing it up terrifies me. You’re the most stable, secure relationship in my life. The thought of losing that paralyzed me. You know what I see when I look at you? You are the epitome of all that I ever wanted in a woman, but never thought I had the chance to have. You’re a smart, beautiful, resourceful genius hacker who knows how to improvise and has the kindest heart of all the people I know. You love fiercely and have saved me in every way imaginable. It’s always been you, ever since I unlocked your handcuffs and you joined me in this crazy, dangerous life. You drew me under your spell and slowly filled in all of the cracks that I didn’t know I had. You are my rock, my best friend, my home. So I need to know, am I too late?”

Shocked by what she hears, Riley takes a deep breath centering herself as her mind races with this new information. Tilting her head slightly to the side, she says, “You really thought proposing marriage was the answer to your relationship issues? Not your best idea Mac. I really thought you were happy with Desi. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy. Before I answer your question, I need to know if I say yes, will you go back to your original plan and propose to Desi?”

“No. Desi and I were done the minute I heard your confession to Bozer. I think she too knew that we weren’t the right fit for each other, and was tired of trying to fix what proved to be an unfixable relationship. We agreed to break off our relationship for good just prior to today’s debriefing in the war room. I’ve spent the last few hours wrestling with what to do about your confession. Do I act on it or let it go? On the one hand, your confession was like being given a cold drink of water after getting lost in the desert. It soothed the voice in my head taunting me that I don’t really belong to anyone. My entire family is dead. I know our group at the Phoenix is family, but I wanted something more. Something deeper. A personal connection - a person to wholeheartedly love and who would love me with that same passion. On the other hand, hearing that I was breaking your heart gutted me. I feel horrible for having caused you pain. You’re the last person I ever wanted to hurt. Learning Leanna had been killed reinforced my desire to see you. Life is short. I don’t want to waste another moment wondering what might have been. I know, no matter what comes next, whether you confirm that those feelings you buried did in fact go away or not, the no knowing would be worse than taking the risk to find out if my own buried feelings for you are reciprocated.”

She looks deeply into his eyes, contemplating how to respond to all that she’s learned. Mac - her best friend Angus Macgyver - admitted to having feelings for her. Can she risk everything and tell him the truth? She’s never stopped loving him, and never will. Out of nowhere, a lyric pops into her head. If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss. “Could it really be that easy?” she thinks.

“Let’s find out,” she thinks. Riley reaches up and snakes her arms around his neck drawing him in for a deep, passionate kiss. It was like nothing she’d ever imagined. It was so much better.

Surprised by her move, it takes Mac a second to react to the fact that he’s kissing Riley Davis. Once his brain registers what’s happening, he pours all of the longing and buried feelings into expressing how much she means to him. When he finally draws back to get some much needed air, he looks down at her. His Riley. He now understands what Bozer meant when he said he didn’t want to die before getting the chance to kiss Riley. Getting the chance is life changing.

Riley looks up at Mac checking to see his response because she’s wrecked right now. She’d imagined them kissing would be good, but this was exponentially better. She never wants to stop.

He looks as wrecked as she feels.

She realizes they are still standing in her door way and he could probably use a rest and an ice pack or three. She gently grabs his hand leading him to her couch pointing for him to sit down before going to her fridge and pulling out a couple bottles of his favorite beer and a bag of frozen carrots. He’s limping slightly and given the hell they’ve gone through, she knows he’s got to be covered in bruises.

“Do you want to live in a world of what if and might have been, or will you seize this opportunity to let out all of the emotions you’ve bottled up inside and come home?” She argues with herself.

She walks back over to the sofa, handing Mac his drink before sitting down on the chair across from him. He’s fidgeting. She grabs a paper clip and hands it to him. He smiles gratefully.

“Mac,” she whispers, “My feelings...they never left. No matter how much I suppressed them and tried to move on, I couldn’t. My heart has been and always will be yours. I’m never leaving you. It’s you and me no matter what.”

A huge grin breaks out on Mac’s face, causing the wound on his cheek to throb a bit. He lifts the frozen carrots to dull the pain and gets ready to speak.

Riley holds up a finger causing Mac to pause before speaking, “But Mac, I want to say a few things. While I still have feelings for you, I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you. Honestly, you’re not ready to be in a relationship with me either. I’m scared if we jump into this too quickly, it will flame out, making us just another failed statistic in the long list of Phoenix operatives whose relationships that haven’t worked. Besides we still have to work with Desi. Let’s be smart about this so that it doesn’t create a rift in the team. I have no intention of being your rebound, second choice or safety net. I need you to prove to me that we can still work together smoothly despite of our feelings. Show me that the knowledge of our feelings hasn’t compromised our ability to work together. I want you to promise me that you will be willing to work on finding healthier coping mechanisms to deal with your trauma. Maybe even talk to a therapist to see what kind of tools they have to help you process your negative emotions. I’ll go with you if you want to a session or two. It’d wreck me if I lost you because your body can’t handle all of the emotional trauma you’ve suffered and you ended up stuck in a panic attack like what happened in Kazakhstan on a future mission.”

His euphoria at their first kiss deflates a little bit at her words, but he understands where she’s coming from. He knew he needed to make some changes, not just for Riley but for himself. He admitted to himself that his erratic behavior was rooted in the fear of being alone.

“Does that mean I can’t ask you out on a date until I can prove to you that we can make this work professionally?”

“Let’s take a few months and focus on working on ourselves before we talk about going on dates and getting into a relationship. Don’t worry. We will still see each other and hang out. We will do it together, like we do everything else. You jump. I jump. You go boom, I go boom. So prove me wrong. Show me that not all Phoenix relationships have to end in heartbreak. Show me some of that infamous Angus Macgyver charm I’ve heard so much about. Sweep me off my feet if you can,” She smirked.

Grinning widely at the challenge issued, Mac replies, “I’m looking forward to it Miss Davis.”

Game on.

#riley davis #macriley #angus macgyver #macgyver #fanfic

47 notes · View notes

hyrule-kingdom-updates · 3 years

Note

ALL of the emojis for Siv :D

What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

I don’t think I can point out a *single* ultimate kind act, but Siv raising and caring for his brother throughout their whole childhood is definitely one of the kindest periods of his life. Spoilers, but: Siv didn’t actually believe himself to be capable of being a knight, in fact Ligero was specifically trying to keep him out of Larc’s life, letting them grow to be more independent, giving Siv every reason to be jealous and spiteful. But Siv trained to be a knight anyways because he didn’t want his brother to be alone through it all. He would never admit it, but Siv is a really kind and soft person. He cared for everyone of LinkLink’s scars and scabs when they went shield surfing, he took Zavis to a surprise party when his mother didn’t bother to throw anything that special. He wrote Revali letters, he sewed little rat plushies for Aryll to add to her collection—and I think it all stems from his childhood, where the only thing that he was certain of, the only choice that he could without a doubt claim was a good and kind thing that he didn’t mess up on, was caring and loving for someone that he by all other means didn’t have to.

As for the kindest thing someone has done for him, well honestly I think Siv would consider anyone giving him a basic amount of respect and appreciation as the “kindest” thing. Although once, Zavis allowed himself to team up with Link to plan a perfect party for Siv, which is to say, a very notable feat.

As for the worst thing Siv has done to someone: that’s probably spoilers. :3

What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

If a stranger was upset, Siv would probably just think, “Sucks to suck!” and move on. Unless they were like, REALLY sobbing, to the point where it would be impossible to ignore. Then he might stop walking, chat them up and buy them a drink, maybe hear their woes, but that’s probably it.

If it was a friend, he’d be immediately on their case, but would still try to play it off as him being an apathetic, disgruntled guy. But you know, Siv didn’t become an official royal Branch Buddy for nothing.

What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

Under absolutely no circumstances will Siv admit that he is shorter than anyone. He finds it completely unfair that BOTH of his brothers are taller than him. He would hate it if you told him so, but Siv without a doubt has inherited a bit of his father’s ego, so calling him short, or even complimenting his hot royal guard brother when Siv is right there would ruffle his feathers to say the least

Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).

Pre-Orator days, Siv basically wakes up whenever he wants (usually past noon), feeds the pet rats in the alleyways, then heads to the underground. Everyday is scraping enough rupees for a hot meal and a drink by selling illegal tickets to the underground monster fights, maybe organize a rigged gambling ring or two, and obviously scam any ten year olds that were looking to enter the world of pocket monster fighting themselves. Then when the “work” day is done, he’ll pop by an adequate tavern (the only one that would tolerate letting someone like him around) and eat and drink, and...that’s pretty much it.

As the Royal Orator, Siv wakes up and immediately heads to the dining hall, then hauls all the food and drink over to his office by 10am, cause that’s when his official work hours kick in. He then has to just sit there, listen to people’s grievances and input that will promptly be ignored (by either his hand, or most certainly by his superiors) while also posting out the important announcements and rat doodles with the Quill of Roost(both pre and post consumption). He might grab lunch in between and do fuck all, but by 9pm he’s gone out and about, doing whatever it takes to get as little sleep as possible because he doesn’t really like the sort of dreams he’s been having.

Current Siv doesn’t have a schedule, but he does have an agenda.

How does your OC think they will die? Does death scare them? Is there any reason for this?

Siv isn’t thinking about death. In truth, he thought he would have died much, MUCH earlier. Maybe get stabbed or executed? Maybe have a poor run in with an ex or particularly angry victim of his scams? But hey, now that’s he’s living the high life with all this power, he doesn’t care about death! For all he knows, he could live forever as long as he sticks with Ganon! All he has to do is follow what he says, and he’ll be happy forever and never have to fear anything ever again.

What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

The Asunder Incident.

Siv constantly questions himself after that, “Why would I do that? Was I really capable of killing someone? Surely not, I’m not...I’m not that bad...” but the facts obviously stated otherwise. This was basically the incident that cemented himself as the person he is at the start of hku, apathetic and broken. He wouldn’t admit it then, but this singular event basically solidified everyone’s prejudice and perception of him, and rightfully proved them correct. It was his own actions that left him hated, abandoned, and alone, so yeah, he can’t complain now, it’s all his fault.

How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

If Ligero died he would throw a fucking party for the ages.

Other than that, yeah, if someone he knew and cared about died he would be very heart broken about it. I think the only person he would really confide in about it would be Larc, but if it WAS Larc that died...I can only assume he would at the very least be severely depressed. He’s his favourite, cherished, little brat brother, after all.

What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

This is an interesting question given that...I’ve already shown both sides to this, haven’t I? Maybe I’ll just let the story speak for itself...

How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Siv would first play it off as a joke because defense mechanism! “Haha, yeah, and you know what I love? The bathroom!” and he would be off escape the situation. But if they were persistent, he would be very flustered and very...vulnerable, and scarily sentimental in his opinion. It would take some time, but I believe eventually he would really, truly accept it, in the end. Although patience is certainly a virtue, it took an entire childhood for him to use the L word for his brother.

What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

He hates being a bad person. He does not believe himself to be good or worthy of anything, thus he internalizes it wholeheartedly in order to gain that sense of control. So now that Siv’s accepted he will never be truly happy, he’s like, “Great! I can just not care about anyone else now.”

Thankfully, that’s changed recently, and he now believes, “You know what? I’m NOT a bad person! It’s everyone else that’s been wronging me! The problem with me is that I’ve been way to much of a coward to take what I deserve, so now I’m gonna do it, no matter what! I deserve to not be hurt anymore, and if I can’t do whatever it takes to achieve that, then how can I say I deserve to be happy in the first place?” Be sure to thank Calamity Ganon for that pep talk.

Right now Siv loves his power. He’s had the most control and power in this one relationship with Ganon than he’s ever had with anyone else in his entire life. He’s finally on top! Number one! He has something to really be proud of about himself! The old Siv hated themselves, but now that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Does your OC have any scars? How and when did they get them?

He doesn’t have any notable scars, especially given that he’s got the power o’ malice, baby! Malice is a representation of many things, one of them being time and memory, so it’s pretty easy for it to heal and return skin, flesh, and bone to a prior state. Perfect for healing and repairing people and objects, alike! Of course, malice is more famous for doing the opposite, sucking your soul out from you prematurely, feeling yourself die rapidly, your last breath being snatched and forced out of your lungs, a thousand breaths meant for a lifetime suddenly sapped out in a few minutes. But I don’t know why I’m talking about that, that’s not relevant haha

What is something your OC blames themself for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

The Asunder Incident, he blames his actions for leading him to basically abandon his brother for like fifteen years. But that’s all I’m gonna say as I have plans to talk about his feelings on it further in the actual story.

In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

Why, I can’t answer this in detail! That’d be giving away the story :3

Ok, maybe I’ll say this: Siv tells himself that he would do anything to get what he wants, of course he would do anything, because if he can’t, well then that just means he’s a pathetic coward who doesn’t deserve happiness anyways. So of course he claims that he will do anything, even killing someone.

What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

Siv would eliminate all shitty parents, maybe also give revive some dead people, and also permanently have a giant neon green tattoo of a dick be on Ligero’s forehead. Assivus would do the first thing, but he might also make everyone who has ever wronged him suffer for a very long time on top of that.

Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

- Oh no, made a ficlet.

The first night he was in the castle, he had a dream.

There was a man, sitting across from him, dressed in glittering gold, with a green sash wrapped across his chest and waist. He was tapping his long nails against a desk, HIS desk, the white and purple quill still in the cup of ink, and blank parchment in front of him.

The man looked very out of place, and that was ignoring the fact that he was a withering corpse.

You’re dashing, aren’t you? The man said, still tapping his fingers. That’s when Siv realized that he was just sitting opposite to him, in the seat where guests were supposed to be. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. He tried to move, but couldn’t. He tried to blink, but didn’t.

He sat there and listened to the man, attentively.

Do you know what you’re doing here, Asunder? the man asked. Asivus didn’t. Do you know why I’ve allowed you here? What you are?

Siv didn’t know, but he couldn’t exactly express as such.

That’s because you don’t need to know. At least for now. The man leaned forward like mist, disappearing as Siv felt something pass through him, he couldn’t turn to look behind him as a delicate hand was on his shoulder. You’ll know things when I want you to know. You’ll say things when I want them to be said. And you will do things when I want them to be done. Because I own you. Err...

The man suddenly stopped to think, leaning on the right arm of Siv’s chair, tapping his bony chin, as if he had made a casual slip of the tongue. Because...you owe me. Yes, that’s the word. I’ve helped you so much Assivus Asunder. Or “will?” “Have?” “Am currently?” Futures and times are a funny thing. I apologize, I’ll have my words sorted out into something more professional and proper in our future.

The man spun around, and suddenly, he was no longer a corpse, but a dashing Gerudo man, dressed brilliantly and handsomely. His eyes were no longer a hollow gold, but green, somehow familiar.

The room was no longer some dinky orator office, but the sanctum of the castle, the apex of the kingdom. The man snapped his head towards him.

Let me ask you something, Assivus Asunder: Would you rather be here?

He gestured to the grand view of the sanctum, the sunset casting striking shades of red, black, and gold across the towering walls.

Or here?

The world spun once again, and they were suddenly on a dark street. The houses of Rauru diced the stone brick pavement. Siv glanced around and saw himself, sitting on the ground. There were two knights, one of them cursing loudly, and the other laying down beside him. There was so much blood and he could feel himself floating closer and—

No. NO. Wait. STOP. PLEASE! He tried to speak, scream, anything. No sound came. He saw a sword, a dark and rich puddle that seemed to even reflect his own face and—

They were suddenly back in the office.

Which is better? What do you prefer, of the two? I’m assuming the former? The man looked at him. I will allow you to nod yes or no to the former.

Siv immediately nodded a yes.

Trick question!The man boomed. Both are fantastic places, environments that you should love and cherish. There is so much good hiding in the places you would least expect, Assivus. I’ll help you remember that.

The world was suddenly nothing. Nothing but black. Just him, in a chair, staring at this smiling, pleasant, scary, red haired man.

Don’t you want help, Assivus? I think there’s something you want, that you need help attaining? Isn’t there something? There’s no shame in admitting.

Siv thought for a moment, then slowly nodded a yes.

Do you want MY help?

Uhh...Siv wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Perhaps you can do a favor for me?

Fuck no! was Siv’s immediate thought. Who the fuck—First off, I don’t think I really like you, actually, so—

Oh that’s alright! The man was suddenly very close to his face. Oh shit, could he hear my thoughts? Assivus, you can do whatever you want to do to be happy. I don’t want to force anything from you. He patted his cheek with a very cold hand.

In fact, I’ve now decided you don’t have to do anything for me. I am going to help you, and you don’t need to do anything in return. The man stood back, clasping his hands together. How does that sound?

I... He tried to speak, but remembered he couldn’t even move his lips.

I’m sorry again, Asunder. Here, I’ll allow you to speak now. The man didn’t even wave a hand, but Siv could suddenly feel how hoarse and dry his throat was.

So how about it, Assivus Asunder? I want you to be in charge of your destiny, I want you to be in total control. I would never force anything from you, I will simply be here, by your side, helping here and there, as you...figure it all out. How is that? Does that sound alright?

Siv opened his mouth, but couldn’t decide the words. If I say yes can I go back to sleep? Hella tired...

The man didn’t move, but Siv someone sensed a whisper beckoning somewhere with a “Yes. We’re all tired of many things, aren��t we?”

“O-Ok...” Siv finally said. “Alright, sure. I don’t see why n—”

Before the words were fully out of his mouth, the world suddenly stopped dead, as quick as a snap. He awoke from his bed with a jolt, his heart racing like he had just run a marathon, even though he didn’t find those last moments to be that thrilling or terrifying.

Siv sat for a moment longer, trying to contemplate the dream. But as most dreams are, the memory of it fell out of his grasp like loose sand between his fingers, and soon enough, it was already gone.

He flopped back into bed with a sigh.

Whatever it was, it was probably nothing.

What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

Already answered in a previous ask c:

#oc ask game #out of character #Asivus Hartell #hku spoilers #Yes the ficlet at the end I'd consider canon

15 notes · View notes

mc-critical · 3 years

Note

Hello! Hope you're having a good day

I have a question about mck. I haven't watched it but I've seen a lot of cuts from episodes on youtube and fan's discussions so I hoped you might explain something to me.

Everybody says that Kosem killed her sons only for power and it wasn't for the good of the country. Is that true? Was Murad a good ruler in the show? All I know is that he was harsh and in the end wanted to kill his brothers. What Ibrahim? In history he clearly made a very poor ruler. What about the show?

Hi!

Fans often have different interpretations of the subject matter and what is perceived on-screen, so some of them might say that Murat IV was a good ruler in the show and some might say that he isn't. Really depends on what you consider a good ruler - is it someone who goes on campaigns and wins wars for his country, is it someone who cares about the people, the janissary and their opinions above all else or is it someone who considers himself unquestionable authority and refuses to take any advice, even if they took the wrongest, most problematic decision ever?

To me, show!Murat is anything but a good ruler. He ascends the throne as a kid, with Kösem as a regent, and I feel that he never actually gained any experience in how to truly rule the state. And yet, when the time comes for him to actually take matters into his own hands, he is ecstatic to finally assert his will and dominance for everyone to see and learn. One of the key problems with him are that he not only wants his decisions to be completely unparalleled and undebated, he considers everything he does as right out of principle. He has the mindset that every single decision he takes is absolutely correct and is beneficial for the state, but not because it's actually correct or beneficial, but only because he's the padişah and "the shadow of God on Earth". And there are quite a lot of decisions that are problematic at best (forbidding alchohol and then you yourself drink it) and outright destructive and dangerous at worst. (leaving just like that, even it's after a traumatic event for you, caused a huge literal revolt!) And even if he realizes what he's doing isn't right, he ignores every kind of advice when people around him tell him to do the precise opposite. This guy is so drowned in his own ego and authority that he destroys everyone around him.

But then again, there's that side of things where, writing-wise, you understand where all that comes from - most of Murat's flaws as a ruler stem from the massive past trauma of Osman's death, which only caused irreparable damage to the mind of such a small kid. It created such unrelenting paranoia that Murat began to forever believe that he couldn't count to anyone but himself. This is what his "meeting" with Osman in E47 symbolizes, he hears both what he wants to hear and that part of Osman which could never accept Kösem's outside interference. That's also the episode where "one Murat went away, there comes the other" and there he began to go further into the abyss of his own beliefs. Murat has Süleiman's paranoia, but upped to eleven in a more offending form, because while with Süleiman this paranoia grew gradually and he could let it go more easily, because despite of all he knew how to rule a good state, with Murat it was always there from the very start, constantly preventing him from doing the right thing, especially due to the constant fear of being manipulated and deceived by someone else (just like Osman thought he was.) and always thinking he's in his mother's shadow.

Speaking of which, Kösem and Murat's dynamic is the central conflict of season 2 of MCK and that's not only an interpersonal character conflict, as it would seem at first glance to someone who's new to the franchise in example, it's a conflict of one newly established and another already established powers in the palace that would never back down and fight for what they think is right. Kösem and Murat have a different relationship with the state. The state for Kösem has a dynamic role - firstly, it was a role she had to accept for the greater good (her standing in front of the people in Ahmet's name in E07 of season 1.), then she saw herself engrained in it due to her strong sense of justice. (getting revenge for her father, trying to expose Fahrye, then Handan and Derviş and lastly, ''protecting the country" from Iskender.) By season 2 country and power are already synonymous to her due to her fully taking the responsibility of a regent and taking the country in her wing of protection, always keeping an eye on it and consistently representing it without a second thought. The state for Murat, however, is static - it is something given to him by God himself, it is something he takes for granted, without truly trying to improve it. The first steps he takes as a ruler is to seemingly "clear" his own path, to remove the traitors around him. And while that seems correct and valid at first glance, he never sees the bigger scheme of things, due to his paranoia. He doesn't see the people who actually conspire to remove him (which is why he never found out the true traitor in his palace and died, thinking this person was the most loyal man ever.), but sees what he wants to see, this shadow who is looming in for years. Murat thinks his mother is a problem, which is why the first step he takes, is to immediately remove her regency and then send Kemankeş to follow her around. These two forces clash with each other incessantly, with their opinion of a state at constant odds. There have been many times throughout the show where Murat does a problematic thing, Kösem tries to snap him out of it and fails, because he doesn't want to listen to her no longer. He's always felt that she overshadowed his own reign, even in her regency years (see the flashbacks in E56.) and he wants to believe that he's already a big man, a person who can do anything, even with a big lack of experience. So whoever tries to give him decent advice is immediately washed off and out of the question, because who are they, they don't know better, he's the only one who does. This mindset is reflected as totally wrong in the show with the people and the janissary despising him, with the numerous revolts (the season literally began with a revolt.), with the multiple traitors around him, with everyone (Atike and Farya aside) turning against him sooner or later. That of course isn't appreciated by Kösem, and she, being the self-and not-so- self- proclaimed representative of the state, tries to fix this all, even if it means acting behind Murat's back. She doesn't really wish her son harm only due to him eclipsing her own power, she just sees the genuine flaws of his rule and is willing to achieve everything to fix it. Later on she began to indeed consider him as unworthy due to all the mistakes he made, claiming that the country is able to defend itself and listing qualities that all padişahs should possess like virtue and justice. She saw how messy all of it became and instinctively began to search for solutions that even came to ending him. (her ordering the doctor to cease healing his illness.) The narrative doesn't actually condemn this choice, highlighted by Murat's last flashback with him reuniting with his mother.

Murat is the one that killed Kasım and Bayezid in show, because he considers them a threat to his own power, first and foremost. Bayezid's the primary one, him being the eldest heir, with people wanting him on the throne from the get-go, when Murat was alive. Murat doesn't accept threat to his own power, and his brothers aren't exceptions, even though he told them certain times that he wouldn't put them in the kafes or take their life. Even though Bayezid became so much like his toxic mother (Gülby, I love you, but sorry.), prone to revenge, harsh actions and gaining questionable one-sided morality, his death was heartbreaking. As for Kasım, Murat took drastic measures, because Kösem thought Murat was dead and tried to calm down the people by bringing to them Kasım exactly as the next sultan. This was extremely harsh, because after all Kösem used it only as a desperate measure, to calm the people down and to apply the most optimal solution. Putting Kasım in the cafes when you once said that you wouldn't is honestly chief irony, reaching Süleiman's level, but worse.

Yes, Kösem was the one who ultimately sealed the pact to kill Ibrahim, but this was due to manipulation. Turhan Sultan wanted his death to pave the way for her little son and gain absolute power, so she indeed pushed Kösem's love and dedication to the country against her. She was put in a position where she had no other choice but to accept - we had a mentally ill Sultan as a ruler, one who could be reckless, one who could cause imbalance and instability and one who also doesn't really listen. So she decided his destiny and the theme of the loss of innocence, the core theme of the whole show, came full circle. She killed Ibrahim, but she wasn't happy with it, she was devastated and her conscience spoke so loudly, she couldn't unhear it. And that deed of hers made her give it all up - by the time of her death, she only wanted piece, nothing else, and she wasn't even interested in who gets the ring of power and she wasn't all that focused on her own death, either. Life was over for her.

Anyway, yeah, it all depends on interpretations of the events and characters and where your sympathies extend. MCK has really interesting and complex themes and I wholeheartedly recommend for you to watch it to drive your own conclusions. Thanks for the question and have a nice day!

#magnificent century kösem #murad iv #ask #proudofmyanger #magnificent century kosem #kosem sultan

41 notes · View notes

the-silentium · 4 years

Text

The Lost Future Pt. 2

Masterlist Part 3

Pairing: soulmate!Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: Soulmate AU where the soulmates share their wounds. || Along with your brother, you are transported into the 1960's with a bunch of kids you don't know. Turns out they are trying to stop the 2019 apocalypse and you are playing a key part of it.

Words: 3500 words

Warnings: Violence, swears, angst, fluff. FRENCH WORDS Y'all have to bear with my French Canadian ass.

A/N: Yay part 2 is out! We are almost at the best part :3 I love comments and feedback 💜 The French words are translated so no need to go on google translate and have a bad traduction. Also, I anyone want to be tagged in the next part, feel free to ask. Enjoy!

After everyone had calmed down and the two slashed hands were taken care of, the food was shared and people scattered to different places in the house and bunker. Andrew hasn't left your side until 11, asking non-stop how you were feeling and catching you up about what happened into his life while you were away.

"So yeah. Oh and I got a puppy." You squealed in excitation. You loved dogs and puppies were the best. You already knew what breed Roo's companion was, you both had wanted one for years but you would never deny your old Mountain Bernese, Berrick, all the love and attention he deserved.

"You got a Samoyed?" Oh how you wanted to shower this little ball of white fur in cuddles and kisses.

"Ya. Named him Yukon. He's the happiest puppy of the world but damn! He loves mud better than his food! I swear, he starts dancing when it rains and the second we open the door, he rolls into the closest puddle of mud." You laugh wholeheartedly, the image clear in your mind. Your joy was short-lived when you caught the sight of a certain blue-eyed boy. Your soulmate.

The thought felt weird but incredibly right. Deep inside you, a primal desire was burning for you to dive right into the newfound relationship without any back thought and see what would happen next. Unfortunately, you knew what would happen next. It was inevitable.

So maybe you could save Five from a major heartbreak and just reject him. It would hurt every party involved, but it was the best option. You couldn't lead him on, make him love you, and then break his heart. From what you learned while being around Five today, is that he has walls around his heart. So tall. So thick. You were sure any trauma that would leave someone else broken in thousands of pieces would not even bother him. But your link with him gave you a secret passage through these defenses making you one of the few things that could hurt him.

"Do you really want to do this to you? Deny yourself to be happy?" Damn him and his perfect reading of you.

"You know what I'm going back to when we go back in 2019."

"I do. That's why I say that you should enjoy it while it lasts. You deserve it."

You scoffed at his comment. "It would be selfish. He would suffer because of me."

Andrew sighed, he would never change your mind and he knew it. He softly patted the back of your hand before getting up. "All I say is you have your last chance." He made his way in another room, where his not so comfortable bed was waiting for him to try and sleep as much as he could before another day began.

You harshly wiped the fresh tears for your eyes, but your throat was constricting despite your best efforts. At least, you managed to keep your sobs in, the only telltale of your predicament being the regular shakes of your body.

You froze when you felt fingers stroking your arm in a reassuring manner. You didn't dare to breathe, in fear of letting a sob escape your lips. No one else could know.

"I'll kill him if he hurt you." Your ragged breath caused the pressure on your arm to increase slightly. You really tried to resist. You tried. But you needed the comfort. Just once. You would allow it just this once.

"That's what brothers do. You should know that." Five hummed before moving closer. You didn't know how your body knew that Five was going to get onto your bed and sit so that your head would be on his lap, but it did. Your desire to cry came back full force when you realize how heavenly the feeling was. His hand in your hair, his fingers tracing lines on your arm, his patience when waiting for your shaking form to calm down. You felt so dirty to enjoy his presence while knowing that you were digging the grave of his happiness.

"I'm definitely killing him." You laughed, tapping his legs in a playful manner. His chuckles sounded like music to your ears and you knew right then that you signed your fate. You needed to hear it again and maybe if you were lucky enough, you could hear his laugh before everything ended.

"Sooo…" You turned on your back so you could try to discern his handsome features in the dark. "Why does Klaus call you old bastard? We are all born on the same day, right?"

"Yes. But when I jumped into the apocalypse, I got stuck there for 45 years, meaning that my mind is 58 years old." The three lasts words were so low that you almost missed them. Almost. "Deal breaker?" Your bandaged hand reached for his, testing the water.

"No. Never." You closed your eyes the second his fingers interlaced with yours. You tried to engrave this perfect moment, your first intimate time with your new-found soulmate in your memory.

"I'm sorry." Five's whispered. His fingers were tracing the border of the bandages covering your hand.

"For what? You didn't hurt me." You admired his hair, contemplating how soft they would feel under your fingers.

"Yes I did. I was a hitman. I got stabbed, I barely survived an explosion, I hurt myself in the apocalypse so many times that I'm surprised I didn't die from an infection-" Your furrowed brow made him ponder. "You never got hurt because of me?"

"Nope. Never. Did you?" He shook his head. His fingers slowed their motions on your hand, telltale of his mind working at light speed. You couldn't stop yourself this time and reached for his dark strands, combing your fingers through their softness. For a tiny second, Five tensed, stopping his ministrations simultaneously but soon relaxed and leaned into your hand. You smiled and massaged his scalp just like your mother did to you when you weren't well. "Maybe our bond couldn't link us through the timelines." He sighed before a tired smile stretched his lips. "I'm glad."

You giggled, trying to suppress the yawn building in your throat, but failing miserably. A kiss fell on your uninjured hand followed by a stroke on the cheek. "Get some sleep." Your whine got a chuckle from him. "We'll have plenty of time after we stop the apocalypse." A last kiss landed on your forehead and Five moved to get up. "Good night, mon âme soeur."

You smiled at his flawless use of French. "Bonne nuit, my soulmate"

…………………………….

Just after breakfast (read here the rest of yesterday's diner) everyone gathered in the bunker to assess yours and your brother's powers.

"So, Roo can kinda dematerialize himself? I don't know how to explain it." The Hargreeves were all sat on couches, watching them intently. Vanya had woken up and was briefed of the recent events.

"Just show us." Diego played with a knife, obviously bored.

Andrew placed himself in the middle of the room while you joined Five and sit on the ground between his legs. Andrew pointed to Klaus who was fiddling with a controller. "Throw it at me."

The surprised cough of Klaus made you giggle. His left hand went to his chest dramatically, his eyes wide. "Me? Throw an innocent controller at you?" Letting go of the act, Klaus' eyes returned to normal, a smile on his face. "Fine."

The throw was messy and weak, hitting its target on the chest nonetheless before falling to the ground and a back piece of it broke. Your twin lifted his arms as to say "see?" He then pointed to Diego, shiny knife still in hands. "Throw it at me. Don't hold back and don't deviate."

The room stopped breathing. "Sorry, what?" Diego was incredulous, just like everyone else, minus you.

Confident, Andrew nodded. "You heard me. Bring it on."

Allison and Vanya tried to dissuade their brother, clearly afraid that someone would be gravely hurt in this process. "You asked for it." You weren't surprised by the amount of force Diego put behind his throw. The knife flew at an incredible speed, passing right through Andrew leaving no hole, no blood, nothing. On the other side, the wall wasn't as lucky.

"What?!" Diego was on his feet in a second, quickly getting to his knife to inspect it while your brother flashed a smug grin. "Things pass through you?" His eyes went from the broken controller at their feet to the weapon, trying to figure out what really happened.

"When I want them to." Hands digging in his pants pockets, Andrew swung himself on his heels and toes. "It comes very handy in fights."

You had indeed witnessed a fight between Roo and 3 bigger tugs, the outcome hasn't surprised you, but seeing it was very impressive. He had to time his punches so his body would be fully materialized when the punch landed all the while taking care that his body was dematerialized for any punch threw at him. His power had no secret for him and he mastered it completely. Unlike you, who lacked practice.

Andrew then sit on the floor, his eyes not leaving yours. It was your turn. You nodded. Your nervosity was making your hands shake a bit. It has been a while since you last used your power and you were scared that you would embarrass yourself in front of the perfectly trained Hargreeves. A deep breath entered your lungs before you concentrated on visualizing Roo's soul.

You could see it neatly, a pale ivory flame softly floating within Andrew's seated form. You projected your own soul forward, reaching for the silky edges of your brother's and pushed him into the back seat. You took control of his body, slight nausea hitting you in the first seconds. You blinked quickly, adjusting to your new vessel and assessed the scene before your new eyes.

Your real body was laid down on the floor with a panicking Five leaning over it. He slowly shook its shoulders, your name falling from his lips in an urgent tone. Allison and Vanya scurried to help him, Klaus and Diego watched seemingly paralyzed and Luther was the one to slap the back of your current head.

"What's happening to her?"

"I'm fine. I told you, my body just shut down when I project myself." A furious Five raised his head to meet your eyes and you suddenly felt very small despite Andrew being taller than the blue-eyed boy.

"Y/N? It's you in Andrew's body?" You nodded, unsure of what you just got into. "You didn't tell us shit!" His harsh tone caused a lump to form in your throat, blocking almost completely your airways. You knew you'd screw something up. Andrew's soul became agitated, its pure ivory slightly turning grey on the edges. You could feel his anger at the back of your mind, his need to punch something. I don't care that this midget is your soulmate. He better watch how he talks to you. You cringed at Andrew's thoughts.

"Sorry." You muttered. You quickly projected yourself back into your body to try and appease everyone. You pondered if leaving the room was a good idea, fleeing from the trouble you had just created and more importantly, trying to forget Five's anger directed at you. The ex-assassin was thinking ahead of you, because even before you could set up your mind, a hand caught yours keeping you in place. He helped you get into a seated position and positioned himself right behind you, encasing you with his legs on each side of yours.

Five's muscles on your back softened only slightly. Allison stayed close by despite everyone else regaining their initial place. "Now can you explain?" You didn't want to meet their eyes in fear of what you would see, so you kept your eyes low.

"I can project myself into someone else's body. It’s like I take the wheel of their body and they are in the backseat. They can still see and hear what’s happening and when I get out, they remember everything. They just don’t know it was me.” You paused, trying to see if you missed anything. “Oh, and I can hear their thoughts and access their memories too. That’s pretty much it.”

“So you can possess anyone?” Andrew obviously didn’t like Diego’s tone despite it being a legitimate question.

“As far as I know, yes. But I’ve not used my power much and I would never use my power on you guys. I’m not dumb.”

Diego lifted his hands in the air in surrender even though his face clearly showed that he didn’t believe you. Klaus' way of watching you, elbows on his knees, eyes reduced to slits, a hand under his chin, set off alarms in your head. A stupid comment was coming your way. “Sooo. How is it to have, ya know, an extra appendage?” You nearly choked on your saliva at the pretty forward inquiry and your brain went blank for a second. You should have known. It was written in the sky that Klaus would get stuck at THAT fact.

“Seriously Klaus?” Allison wasn’t impressed. Like. At all.

You shivered at the memory of the first time you tried your power. You didn’t know what it was at the time, so you let Andrew persuade you to try it on him. The trick was, you two were kids back then and Andrew had a very tiny bladder. To top it all, you didn’t know how to get out of his body yet. “Eeeeh. J’essaye de pas y penser? Parce que c’est inconfortable pis troublant en criss.” “I try not to think about it? Because it’s really uncomfortable and fucking disturbing.” The reboot of your brain apparently forgot to change the default language from Canadian French to English, causing a chorus of what? in the room. A very familiar laugh followed suit, annoying and embarrassing at the same time. Your only comfort was found in the shape of Five’s arms wrapping around your waist.

“How long can you last into someone else’s body?” Five’s hot breath in your ear made you shiver for a totally new reason. You would have loved it if the moment hasn’t been broken.

“That’s what she said!” You were very, very close to hit someone, them being Roo or Klaus, you had no preference. Back at home, you weren’t known for your patience, quite the opposite. Your nickname wasn’t Panda for nothing. You liked to pick fights, even if it meant some black eyes at the end of the day. You tried to get up, escape the grip keeping you on your butt, with no big results.

“I need an answer.” The serious look on his face made you stop squirming.

“So far? An hour? A bit more? Why?”

Five nodded, a content smile on his perfect lips. His head tilted a bit to the side and he watched you like it was the first time he ever saw you. “You can stop the apocalypse.”

Andrew’s unstoppable laugh abruptly came to an end at those words. “I’m sorry. She what now?”

…………………………….

The plan was brilliant, not that you expected anything less from Five. The only issue was that you would need to take over someone’s body for way, way longer than an hour. The only way for you to do just that was to practice. And boy, did you practice. The Hargreeves way.

You panted, the return to your original body was brutal and spontaneous. Every muscle in your body was screaming in pain, your lungs were burning and your heart was a movement away from exploding. You laid on the couch, staying as steady as possible to appease your aching frame. If it wasn’t enough, even your mind felt on fire. The multiple jumps from body to another was getting its toll on your mind and to help your cause, the ones you possessed were instructed to fight you back as much as they could.

The Hargreeves and Andrew rotated between themselves to be your target. Undoubtedly, Diego was against it, but after some persuasion Five’s-style, he soon joined the training and damn did he fight you whenever his turn came.

Each day you made progress, but as soon as you hit the pillow at the end of the day, you were gone for a good 14 hours to be able to function again. On the good side, you were now able to stay in a calm host for more than a day and managed to keep a hostile one for a good 10 hours. At one point, Five had instructed you to jump from a host to another one. You had shown him the middle finger as quickly as your suffering muscles allowed you, indulging to his demands nonetheless. Jumping from a person to another was difficult to say the least. You often lose focus while transferring, catapulting yourself back into your own body or the second host would immediately put you K.O. the moment you tried to push them in the back seat.

It was safe to say that you hated these trainings. Each time you had to remind yourself why you were doing it and in the end, you made it. It took 2 whole days, but you made it. And today you mastered it.

“You last 9 hours in Luther and 7 in Klaus. That’s more than enough.” Five appeared at your side and took your hand in his, stroking the back of it slowly. You noticed said boys exiting the room to give you both some alone time.

“No more training?” Your hoarse voice made Five frown. He leaned over you to grab something on the coffee table and as carefully as he could, he bring the water bottle to your lips. You make a last effort to take the bottle yourself, not surprised when your hands don’t move an inch.

“No more training. Now you need to rest.” His hands slipped under your shoulders and knees and he lifted you like you weighed nothing. You so desperately wanted to stay awake, enjoy being in his arms before the last lap to stop the apocalypse began so you fought the exhaustion as much as you could.

"You're so beautiful." His comment just above a whisper made you hide your face in the crook of his neck in self-consciousness. You were never one to like receiving compliments, always waving them off or at least say it back. The latter would have been a good option if you weren't scared of where that led you.

"Five?" He hummed, waiting for you to continue. "What if I screw everything up?"

Five finally reached your attributed bed, carefully setting you down on the covers before joining you. He stayed at an acceptable distance from you, so if a certain male was to pass, there shouldn't be any blood spilled. His hand went to your waist, slowly caressing the skin exposed by your misplaced shirt.

"You won't. We trained you for this and I know you can do it. You're my soulmate after all." His signature smirk was back on his lips. His confidence relieved some of the anxiety that was slowly expanding at the back of your mind and you started to think that maybe you could do it. You could really save the world. "What do you miss the most to do? In 2019 I mean."

You furrowed in brow, deep in thoughts. You missed doing a lot of things.

"When I was a kid, once a year my parents would take us to a drive-in movie theatre. I've not done that in a long time." Five found himself reciprocating your dreamy smile.

"It's a date then."

"What?"

"It's a date." He repeated. "The first thing we'll do when we get back is go to that drive-in theatre, then I thought we could go stargazing at one of my favorite place."

It was so unexpected, tears formed into your eyes in a flash despite your best efforts at repressing them. It didn't take long for Five to notice the water rolling down your cheeks, worry tainting his sharp features.

"Shit. Is it too soon?"

"No." The speed of your shaking head almost made you dizzy. "I'd love to go there with you." Even the radiant smile on your face couldn't stop the flow of tears cascading from your eyes, leading Five to see them as happy tears. He smiled in return, reducing the distance between your two bodies to none as he cradled you into his chest, his face buried in your hair.

Your mind wanted to scream at the universe. Yell for the unfairness of your predicament and for how much pain your selfishness would inevitably create.

The events of the day got to you, your mind getting foggier and your breath steadier. As you were about to fall asleep, three little words flew to your ears, soft, almost indiscernible but pretty clear.

"I love you."

Part 3

#five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #the umbrella academy #tua #soulmate #my fic #THE GOOD PART IS COMING

173 notes · View notes

transsexualhamlet · 3 years

Note

okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -

1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀

2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not

3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD

p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)

AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel

I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.

So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.

But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff

So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it

But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.

Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.

Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.

But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there

I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense

A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:

-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.

but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.

The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol

-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.

-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun

-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently

And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy

#rowan gets yelled at #rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan watches bsd

8 notes · View notes

specterchasing-a · 3 years

Text

I Won’t Bite || Kyle & Eddie

TIMING: Current

LOCATION: The Bloody Stake

PARTIES: @darkh0wl & @specterchasing

SUMMARY: A chance meeting followed by... a lot. It’s just a lot.

CONTENT: Suicidal ideations & head trauma.

It was a slow night at the Bloody Stake; just a couple regulars nursing their drinks quietly. Kyle stood behind the bar, drying glasses. He could fall asleep standing up, right there. He wouldn’t do that, of course. He was in the middle of a probationary period at work. Apparently, employers don’t like it very much when you leave without a word in the middle of a shift. They like it even less when they hear screams coming from the alleyway and find the alley covered in blood. Kyle not contacting his boss for two days after, and the boss’ car being dented by a large animal--that didn’t help his case either. Kyle was in deep shit for that. Thin fucking ice. So he dried the glasses and willed himself to find something to focus on that wasn’t how tired he was.

Spotting someone at the bar who wasn’t a regular, Kyle’s brow furrowed. The guy looked familiar to say the least. “Hey, you’re that YouTuber, right? Didn’t we go to high school together?”

For Eddie, a night out usually meant visiting one of the many White Crest cemeteries, or perhaps the woods. When he felt particularly daring, he ventured all the way to The Bend. Tonight, however, he found himself at a bar, one with a reputation he could appreciate. Filming within The Bloody Stake would be like asking the patrons to usher him into an early grave, so he opted out of his usual role of documentarian. Instead, he seated himself at the bar and allowed the atmosphere to wash over him.

While Eddie observed the crowd in muted reverence, a voice pulled him out of his trance. “Huh?” he responded abruptly, his head snapping in the direction of the voice’s source. It took him a moment to register what had been said. “Yeah, nail on the head, that’s me,” he said fondly before his brow furrowed slightly. The employee mentioned knowing him from high school and Eddie could feel his name on the tip of his tongue. Keiran? No. Kirk? Also no. “Kyle,” he finally recalled with recognition shining in his eyes, but they quickly dimmed.

Eddie remembered Bex screaming; the way she begged for mercy. The wolf—she called him Kyle, didn’t she? It could’ve been a coincidence, ‘Kyle’ wasn’t an unusual name, but he still felt uneasy. If this man hurt Bex, Eddie needed to do something about that, right? He forced his smile back into place. “So, how the hell are you, man? Gotten up to much since I last saw you?”

If Kyle noticed anything awry, he said nothing. His eyes drifted over Eddie, then flicked back down to the glass in hand. He’d forgotten how cute Eddie was and now his stomach fluttered with unexpected nervousness. Why was he nervous? They were just two dudes at the bar being dudes at the bar. No need to worry there. “I’m--” (Good? No, that was a lie. He definitely wasn’t good. His grip on shifting was slim at best and felt like it was getting worse every day. Fine? No, that wasn’t right either. He’d nearly killed at least one person in the past month, and had ample opportunity to do it again. That didn’t exactly constitute for good or fine.) “--hanging in there,” he said, with a smile that didn’t quite touch his eyes. “Still hanging out in this weird ass town, but I’m sure you know all about that.” Kyle wasn’t exactly a fan. He definitely wasn’t subscribed to Eddie’s channel. But he’d seen a handful of videos; enough to know that Eddie was unearthing all the mysteries of White Crest one at a time. Kyle thought it reckless to do so. The more he found out about White Crest, the more danger he was in. Setting the glass aside and picking up another, Kyle leaned against the bar. “How’s the internet fame treating you?”

Eddie’s eyes remained trained on Kyle’s face almost as if he expected to find the answers to his unspoken questions about Bex etched into his features. He noticed the smile and, more importantly, the way his eyes looked comparatively dim. Kyle didn’t seem like a vicious monster. Mostly, he just seemed kind of sad. Adulthood suited him though; he looked good despite the invisible baggage he carried.

When Kyle mentioned Eddie’s familiarity with the weirdness of White Crest, he shrugged slightly as his smile transformed into a smirk. “Sure do, and I love every minute of it.” He adored the danger shrouding his hometown, it kept him from getting bored. The conversation shifted when Kyle put the spotlight on Eddie. “Pretty damn great, actually. I don’t… I mean, I probably wouldn’t call myself famous, but yeah. I’m really proud of what I’m doing.” His head tilted slightly as he momentarily assessed Kyle. “What about you, Kyle? Doin’ anything you’re proud of these days?” His expression harbored no ill-will, but his intentions weren’t entirely pure.

Eddie talking about himself put Kyle at ease, even for just a moment. He didn’t want to talk about himself. He didn’t want to think about himself. “You’ve had at least a couple viral videos or something, right?” he asked. “I don’t know much in the way of YouTube fame, but I’d say that’s pretty good.” He set aside another glass and picked up a third from the sink. “I’m glad you’ve found something you enjoy.” He wasn’t being disingenuous, he was happy for Eddie. It wasn’t every day you found a passion you could toss yourself into as wholeheartedly as Eddie seemed to be.

If Eddie’s responses had put Kyle at ease before, this question had the opposite effect on him. He tensed immediately, glancing up at Eddie. He half expected a taunting look or a smug smirk. Something that would indicate the question was as loaded as it felt. “Uh--” The wet glass slipped from his fingers and shattered on the floor. “Shit,” he hissed as he hurriedly started scooping up the bigger pieces with his towel. “Um, I--” What did he have to be proud of? Nothing, really. There was specifically more to be deeply ashamed of lately. “Gimme a second,” he mumbled, grabbing a nearby broom brush and dustpan, and sweeping the glass up. Once that was done, he stood back up and looked at Eddie. He couldn’t know, could he? Bex wouldn’t tell anyone. Right? “Wh-what was the question?”

The glass in Kyle’s hand fell to the floor and shattered. Eddie winced at the sound and tried not to feel guilty. A few curious patrons turned their heads to gawk at the source of the commotion. Whatever doubts Eddie had about Kyle being the Kyle dissipated. It was plain to see how guilty his conscience was. He needed to make a choice. Either, he could treat Kyle like the wolf who nearly ripped Bex to shreds, or he could treat him like the man with sad eyes and kind words.

“Oh, man, I’m so sorry—forget I even asked. I should’ve known it was a kinda heavy question,” Eddie responded with an awkward laugh. “I’ve always been lousy at small talk, it’s my fatal flaw.” An unfortunate thought occurred to him, causing his lips to purse. “They’re not gonna make you pay for that, right? I’ll cover the cost, if they do. It’s the least I can do after hurling you into an existential crisis.” Eddie liked the man better than the wolf, anyway. Maybe, he could even figure out how to help bring some light back into his eyes.

Kyle’s eyes searched Eddie’s face for any sign that he knew, but then he was talking and he definitely knew. Had Bex told him? Had he asked? Was this part of being a medium, or whatever, that he didn’t understand? His stomach twisted up and his heart jumped up to his throat. “How did you…?”

He sighed shakily. It was okay, he and Bex had never agreed to a code of silence or anything. She was free to talk about it if she wanted to. It was healthy for her, rather than keep it all bottled up. Kyle just had to breathe for a minute. Being at work, thinking about it at work—it felt wrong. It felt bad. Breathe. He just had to steady himself for a minute. It was fine. “I, uh, guess my new reputation precedes me.” His voice was even; a practiced calm. “I’m gonna go outside for a smoke. If you want to talk, you can come along. If you want. I won’t bite.”

Eddie’s heart sank when Kyle immediately saw through his attempt to conceal the truth. Before tonight, Eddie suspected he would have some choice words for Kyle should they ever meet, potentially more than words. But, now that he sat mere inches away from him, he felt sorry for him. The urge to comfort Kyle came as a surprise; he seemed so distant and alone.

“She didn’t mean to…” Eddie trailed off, he knew the bar wasn’t the right location for this discussion. Apparently, Kyle felt the same way. “Yeah, man, you got it,” he replied more enthusiastically than he intended to. He raised to his feet, smiling politely, and kept his eyes on Kyle. “Lead the way.” He tried to stop focusing on the ‘bite’ comment. Kyle may not use his teeth, but Eddie knew he had experience with causing harm in different ways.

Kyle’s hands shook as he tossed the dish towel aside. He patted his pockets, checking for his phone, lighter, and cigarettes, then headed for the front door. On his way, he brushed past the bartender, cigarette already between his lips, and mumbled “fifteen minutes.” He didn’t acknowledge Eddie, didn’t look at him, just kept walking. He needed some fresh air and he knew the other man would follow.

Once outside, Kyle leaned up against the brick exterior of the bar. It was just breezy enough that it took him a few tries to light his cigarette. Once he got it, he took a slow drag and steadily exhaled. The deep breathing, associated with smoking, calmed his frayed nerves; at least a little. He let his head drop back against the wall and closed his eyes. Bex didn’t mean to? Eddie had said she didn’t mean to. Was it another situation like the one they had had on campus, when Morgan had needed to intervene? What had triggered it? Now Kyle had to deal with someone else knowing he was not only a werewolf, but one with a tentative grasp on control. He tried not to think about how he had mauled Bex right here; right outside this bar, just a few dozen feet away. He tried not to think about how he would have killed her if not for the mindlink that got them in this damn situation in the first place.

After a long moment, he opened his eyes and looked at Eddie. “What do you want to know? I’m pretty sure you have questions. Shoot.” His voice did not betray his feigned calm. Maybe it wasn’t feigned tonight. Nell had given Kyle wolfsbane capsules for the full moon. He had taken a half of one a few hours before work, just to make sure nothing would go wrong. Just to make sure he’d stay calm enough to keep his job. “Did she have a panic attack?” He tried not to wince when he asked it, but his jaw tightened noticeably.

Like most alleyways in White Crest, Eddie knew the one he now stood in well. He’d been here more than once and nothing bad ever came from his visits. In fact, most of them were complete busts as far as creating content for his channel went. He possessed no personal experiences that would turn this alley into anything other than a small stretch of cracked concrete, two towering brick walls, and a dumpster. The same couldn’t be said for Bex, who shared her injurious memory with him in vivid detail. And now, here he was, near the site of the attack with the wolf who nearly killed her.

Eddie’s hand nervously rubbed his chest as if making sure Bex didn’t share her wounds with him too. He’d been doing that a lot lately. The stench of cigarette smoke infiltrated his airways and inspired a fleeting grimace to appear on his face. Kyle asked a question; he sounded farther away than he should have. Eddie took a breath and silently reprimanded himself for not staying grounded.

“Yeah, she did,” Eddie replied to Kyle’s second question; he still needed to grapple with the first. He figured out a way to buy himself some time. “We were in an alley kind of like this one and then everything went sideways. I tried to help, but… I didn’t do a great job.” He cut the story off there. Bex said she and Kyle were friends, but that didn’t mean he knew about her magical abilities. “Question number one,” he said, backtracking to his offer. “You’re a werewolf. I’m sorry about whatever struggles that come with that, but you have a responsibility to keep people safe from you. Why didn’t you take precautionary measures to make sure you wouldn’t hurt anyone?”

The confirmation that Bex had had yet another panic attack because of Kyle’s actions was hard to hear. His shoulders sank, but his expression didn’t change. No doubt, Eddie had seen Bex’s waking nightmares, just like all those students in the campus café. Kyle couldn’t help but wonder how many people he’d scarred after one bad night. They say the beating of butterfly wings can create a hurricane; Kyle had surely set a dozen or more in motion. Like some twisted King Midas, he left pain in his wake. Everyone he touched was worse off. He pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling tears pricking at his eyes. He didn’t want to cry here in front of someone he’d just started talking to. It didn’t help that Eddie had made him the good kind of nervous. Kyle opened his mouth to say something, anything in response. He was at a loss for words and only managed a pained, “I’m sorry.”

If the realization that he was still Bex’s nightmare had hurt him, that first unexpected question was a punch to the gut. Kyle’s hand dropped from his face and he looked up at Eddie now. The tears he had been holding back made his lashes stick together as they slid down his face. His eyes held a primal rage that he was struggling to quench. “How dare—,” he barked, voice louder than expected. He sucked in a breath, clenching his fists. He had all but forgotten the cigarette he had been holding until the heat from it registered. He dropped the crushed cigarette with a hiss. Good, the pain was good. It grounded him for just a moment.

When he spoke next, his voice was quieter, but dripped with malice. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t know anything about me or how hard it’s been going this alone.” Kyle knew his anger wasn’t justified. He knew Eddie was right; he’d been a danger this whole time. It was a wonder he hadn’t cracked sooner. But to hear it from someone completely outside of the situation, to hear his own guilt weaponized against him—Kyle couldn’t bear it. Focus on the pain. Focus on your breathing.

The good thing about wolfsbane was that it kept Kyle drowsy and feeling inebriated at best. The bad thing, and there were many bad things to choose from, was that it didn’t prevent a shift, and he wasn’t working with a full dose. He had maybe a few minutes, at most, to slow this train of thought before it detailed him completely. That would be easier said than done as Kyle’s heart rate picked up and his breathing became increasingly shallow.

The realization that his question struck a nerve hit Eddie immediately upon seeing the look in Kyle’s eyes. The tone of his voice hammered the point in even further. Every muscle in his body tensed as he wondered whether or not he and Kyle would be reenacting the night with Bex. The only difference between now and then being that there was no one around to save Eddie. People didn’t respond to cries for help in White Crest, the residents were either desensitized to them or preferred to pretend they didn’t hear them. If Kyle attacked Eddie, he would die. That probably should’ve scared him more than it did.

“Actually, I know a lot about being alone.” His brain didn’t care what happened next, but Eddie’s body was eager to stay alive. Adrenaline coursed through him, his hands shook, and nervous sweat broke out near his hairline. No matter how badly his instincts told him to run, he kept his feet firmly planted where he stood. Stupid or brave, he didn’t really care either way. “And I know a lot about feeling like I can’t handle that feeling of being alone.” It somehow felt like a timer was counting down-to-zero in Kyle’s head. How long did he have left?

“But, you are right about one thing. I don’t know you, not well, anyway. If you don’t kill me, I think I might like to, but that’s feeling like a very big ‘if’ right now.” Eddie swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. “I crossed a line I didn’t know was there and I’m sorry for that. For the sake of you not having to explain to Bex what you did to my body after the wolf is gone and you turn back into a pretty decent guy who got dealt a shitty hand, I hope I’m with you when you walk back into the bar.” Eddie watched Kyle closely, his chest rising and falling dramatically with each breath.

Kyle’s heart was about to beat right out his goddamn chest. He clutched at it, his whole body shaking now. Breathe. Eddie was talking, but he sounded far away. Like he was at the other end of a long hallway. His words reverberated through Kyle’s head. What he was saying hit a little too close to home. Particularly, the bit about feeling like he couldn’t handle being alone. Kyle knew that feeling well. If he was in a more sensible state of mind, he might’ve actually hugged the man.

If you don’t kill me. Kyle didn’t want to kill Eddie. He didn’t want to kill anyone, but Eddie was so tantalizingly accessible right now, and Kyle was falling apart. He buried his face in his palms. The streetlights were too bright. They buzzed too loud. Eddie’s voice was too loud, too. Breathe. Feeling overstimulated, Kyle turned his back to the medium. He tried to walk away, he tried to put ground between himself and Eddie. It was a losing battle before he’d begun, and he fell to his knees. His palms scraped along the concrete beneath them. Breathe. Focus on the sting. He screwed his eyes tightly shut.

It was too late. Kyle’s body was already ripping itself apart to build it back up. He grit his teeth to hold back any noises of pain as he shifted. When he opened his eyes again, they had to readjust to the streetlights. Kyle was panting now, his tongue lolling to the side. He stretched and shook out his fur. The shift had taken it out of him. Whatever energy he had left after taking wolfsbane earlier in the night, it was all but gone now. Unsteadily, Kyle got to all fours and rounded on Eddie. His dagger-sharp teeth were bared and a low growl escaped his parted lips. He wobbled as he took a step towards the man before him. Kyle was dizzy now. The wolf blinked rapidly, trying to regain himself. He swayed in place, clearly struggling to maintain balance.

A small part of Eddie had hoped that talking to Kyle would prevent this from happening. As the transformation happened before his very eyes, he realized how much of a fucking idiot he was. Eddie had the gift of gab, but he couldn’t recall ever hearing a story about someone talking an animal out of mauling them. As far as self-preservation went, he was lacking. Despite the fear gripping his heart and the incontestable urge to run, morbid curiosity made him wonder what would happen if he just… stood there. On the bright side, it would probably be a quick death.

But then Eddie thought about Kyle; the smile that didn’t reach his eyes, the glass shattering on the floor, his guilt and anger. If the wolf killed him, how much deeper into self-loathing would Kyle sink. And, fuck, what about Bex? He told her he would be more careful. At the thought of her, he instinctively took a step back. Much to his surprise, life without people who might mourn him was a lot simpler.

Eddie quickly went over his options. Running into the bar would be baiting a werewolf into a public space and he wasn’t fast enough to run past him. What else could he do? His eyes snapped to the dumpster in his peripheral vision. He’d never moved anything that big with his mind before and the chances of succeeding now seemed slim, but at least he could say he tried to survive.

He focused hard on the dumpster, slowly backing further away from the wolf. It felt like every muscle in his body was being pushed to its limit, but the dumpster began to slide against the concrete. He inhaled deeply, extended his hand, and whipped the dumpster at Kyle as hard as he could, slamming him against the alley’s wall.

The wolf stalked forward, wobbly as he may be, slowly trying to close the gap between himself and his prey. If there was any part of Kyle that remained consciously human, he didn’t show it. He watched as his prey panicked. He could smell the fear as Eddie tried to find a way out. Kyle paused when he felt close enough. He eyed Eddie’s throat, mouth flooding with saliva. His body tensed, ready to strike. He was so in the zone, that he didn’t register the sound of the dumpster beginning to scoot across the alleyway towards him. He only realized what was happening a moment too late. Kyle’s head whipped to the side and he braced himself mere seconds before the dumpster had collided with him. He slammed against the wall with a sickening crunch and let out a pained yelp. Pinned between the wall and the dumpster, Kyle’s claws scrambled across the pavement in front of him, as he tried to drag himself out to no avail. He wheezed and whimpered, trying to push back against the heft of the dumpster.

Eddie didn’t feel proud of what he did to Kyle. The yelp and obvious desperation he felt trying to free himself Unfortunately, he didn’t have much of a choice. “Really sorry about this, Kyle,” he said, voice strained from the amount of effort it took to keep the dumpster in place. He moved closer to the pinned wolf. With each step, Eddie felt like his legs might buckle under the sheer amount of exertion needed to propel him forward.

He knew he couldn’t leave, not if Kyle sustained any significant injuries from the impact, but lasting much longer seemed impossible. Eddie’s vision began to blur as he stood in front of Kyle. “Turn back, turn back, please just fucking turn back,” he pleaded though clenched teeth.

Kyle’s panic and desperation grew the longer he was stuck. He shoved back against the dumpster as hard as he could, but he was exhausted already. He couldn’t keep up the fight and he slumped down, motionless. As soon as it had come, just like that, the storm had passed. What was left in its wake was a less than fully conscious Kyle, his clothes ribboned around him. A thin trail of blood trickled along the curve of his jaw. He’d smacked his head fairly hard, and gained a sizable, but not serious, gash. The sound of a dumpster slamming into the wall would surely be enough of a commotion to alert bar staff and patrons, who would be there soon, if they weren’t already on their way.

At the sight of Kyle’s human form, limp and possibly broken, Eddie used the last of his strength to drag the dumpster far enough away from him to allow him access behind it. He stumbled to Kyle’s side, weak and disoriented, and tucked himself underneath one of his arms. Eddie avoided looking at his recently exposed skin as best he could while he hoisted him onto his feet. He wobbled dangerously under Kyle’s weight before miraculously finding his footing again. “We can’t stay here,” Eddie grunted. Trouble was, he couldn’t exactly drag an essentially naked man through a packed bar either, especially not one who looked barely alive.

“Walk with me, please,” he quietly begged as he led Kyle through the alleyway as quickly as he could. At the mouth of the alleyway, Eddie could see his car. At the same time, he heard a door swing open behind him. “Oh, fuck me,” he mumbled as he hobbled as quickly as he could to the passenger’s side door. He quickly ushered Kyle into the seat and slammed the door. Not wanting to waste any time, he booked it to the other side and took his place in the driver’s seat, peeling onto the road as quickly as he could.

Eddie glanced over at Kyle, unsure whether or not he was at all conscious. “I don’t—is the hospital even an option for you?” He imagined it would be tough to conceal his accelerated healing.

Kyle blinked in minute long intervals. His feet shuffled along with Eddie as best as he could manage, which wasn’t great. He curled in on himself with a groan as soon as he was seated in the car. That was the first time he became vaguely aware of his surroundings. The sudden movement of the car was disorienting and Kyle had to close his eyes to keep his bearings. He pressed his cheek against the cold glass of the window. The glass felt nice against his fevered skin as he still sweat with the exertion he’d just put in. The blood that flowed down the side of his face was now smeared across the window. That was something he would want to take care of when he was a little more awake. He wouldn’t want to make a mess of Eddie’s car.

“Where—,” he mumbled, brow creased together. He couldn’t go to the hospital, that was for sure. If they called his emergency contacts, he’d be pretty well fucked. His parents and stepdad didn’t need to get involved in this. On top of that, there was a lot of explanation required at the hospital, and that was something neither he nor Eddie could provide. Kyle was having trouble forming the words to say any of this, though. He mumbled, “N-no. No hospital,” before he was out for at least another few moments.

Every inch of Eddie’s body ached, his head felt like it might split open, and his nerves were shot. The road before him went in and out of focus as he drove—if he couldn’t pull himself together, his shitshow of a night would end in a collision. Kyle was clearly struggling to answer him coherently, leaving him unsure about how he should proceed until, finally, he managed to utter what Eddie needed to hear.

“Okay,” Eddie breathed, nodding his head as he realized what he needed to do. “I’m gonna take you home with me, Kyle. I’m gonna take care of this, I promise. Please, just… please, be okay.” His eyes snapped to his passenger for a sign that he was listening, but he was out cold. Fresh tears stung Eddie’s eyes as they returned to the road. “I am so sorry,” he whispered.

#c: kyle #wickedswriting #writing #suicide tw #head trauma tw #// ):

14 notes · View notes