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#I was playin with a streamer cause why not
noodles-07 · 3 years
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I just popped off in bedwars again
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mannatea · 5 years
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hhhhhhhhhhhfggngmbmbnhgg
i’m just ranting to rant, so please ignore this or read it and enjoy the salty flavor of my nonsense. up to you! sometimes a bitch just gotta let it out.
i’m in kind of a weird place. it’s hard to explain? i think i have too many hobbies again but god forbid i focus on anything for more than two seconds. i started streaming today so that’s good! i streamed for fIVE hours! FIVE. HOURS! but then the video that twitch recorded was uhhhhh how u say laGGy. if i would have known i would have tried to fix it first!! (i had one viewer the whole time...no idea who was so kind as to even keep it up muted lmfao. maybe they were just watching it for the catcam. shoutout to my 1 viewer i love u.)
anyway i really don’t think my computer can handle streaming the current wow expansion. i turned the fps down to 30 to compensate and the second stream (just five minutes, to test it) turned out better, but 1) i wasn’t in a new zone when i re-tested, and 2) better doesn’t mean lag-free. the quality isn’t very good and it’s depressing because literally no one is going to watch a stream that lags and/or doesn’t look good. already streaming in 720 cause i can’t do 1080....... boo tech limits... something something spending more money for a hobby... seems like a bad idea. i do this shit too often. already bought a webcam just so i can turn it on the cats lol.
anYWAy i did some art for my twitch channel and everything so somehow i picked art back up again (though only for this project...) and uhh i dunno i was so depressed to find out five hours of streaming was five hours of me embarrassing myself publicly lol.
i recorded two podcast episodes this afternoon. i should probably call them “podcast episodes” cause publishing them on my site after bare minimum editing probably doesn’t count. i stopped putting music in them too because adding it cost me like an hour of my time and i was just sick as hell of spending it on something nobody cares about. nobody cares if it has music or not. i have NO clue why people listen to the podcast but the last time i checked my stats weren’t terrible (for such a niche thing).
i mean also since it’s like 99% about literary criticism kinda shit you know the fandom doesn’t agree with me like AT ALL so it’s even more wild that people listen to it.
i kind of want to write The Longfic but fandom participation is sooo goddamn low these days... and if you think it’s bad in your fandom, try being in one where the average fan is 40+ years old...lol. i dunno, i wrote one fic so far this year and the year’s half over and part of me is like WRITE THE LONG ONE!!!!!! and the rest of me is like DON’T DO IT. i think if i posted the first chapter and got no comments (or just the one obligatory comment from sara) i’d have to delete it in shame.  i honestly don’t know if i’d be able to ever write again after that. i remember all the time i put into the fe7 novelization i worked on for literal months that i don’t think anyone has ever seen in full, and take that but multiply it by a lot more and you’d get THIS novelization...but a way smaller potential audience.
i did start the first chapter but i’m not happy with it so anyway i dunno obviously i just stressed about it and didn’t write because it felt like a waste of time and then i got paranoid nobody would read it anyway and then it was too late to write SO.
i literally had a dream that i made a new twitter account just to tweet @ hallmark and ask them if i could write this fanfic (it’s a novelization, technically), but in the dream i randomly changed my mind and tweeted them to ask if i could novelize a movie series i follow instead, and woke up vaguely panicked like WHAT IF THEY SAY YES I DON’T HAVE TIME TO COMMIT TO THAT!!!!
(also me: WoW Classic is coming out i don’t want to write a novel i want to plAY gaEM!!!!)
anyway idk where this streamer shit came from. i’m just a lonely bitch playin a game i’ve played for literal years alone and i’m tired of playing alone so streaming is like you’re playing with friends right? or something. anyway iiiiii’m not thinking i’ll get ~famous~ off of playing on twitch because god knows i legitimately fucking suck at games. it just seems fun. i dunno. 
too bad i’m too embarrassed to do it in front of other people irl. i don’t even like people listening to my phone conversations. i only record podcasts when neal isn’t home. it’s bad. 
mayyyybe i should just stick to writing??? but then 0 comments is too depressing a fate...  i can live with 0 viewers... 0 comments is The Worst Fate.
i don’t know how yall keep writing with 0 comments sitting there. i put too much of myself in my writing to put up with that kind of rejection, especially when the hit count is really high...tho lately my hit count sits at about 50.
hhhhhhhhhhh
i wish i didn’t waffle so much. nothing gets done when i’m like this. >:[
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