#I was only like 6 or 7 so it wasn’t anything super important

[081314]

Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss – Chapter 1 (Episodes 6-11)

Following is my translation of episodes 6-11 from Chapter 1 of Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss.

Main storyline spoilers after the cut!!

Episode 6

Leona: Geez, do you guys ever shut up? If you wanna have your little chit-chat, go do it somewhere else. You’re ruining my nap.

Cater: Holy crap, that scared me. Leona-kun, how long have you been there??

Vil: I’m astounded, truly. Even in the middle of our orientation, you went and took up a whole row of seats just to lie down and take a nap.

Rook: One wouldn’t expect anything less from Roi des Lions. He gives off such a regal air even as he slumbers.

Vil: Hmph. Well, I think he needs an attitude adjustment. We have to complete these internships in order to graduate, so can’t you take this at least a bit more seriously?

Leona: I already turned in my application.

Everyone: What..?

Trey: How is that even possible!? They just handed out our paperwork a little while ago…

Leona: I looked over everything while Crowley was up there blabbering and just applied online. We’re talking about our super duper important internships here, so there’s no way I was gonna just sit around twiddlin’ my fingers. Ya’ll know me, I’m a real hardworking guy. I’m always gettin’ things done early.

Trey: Still, you were able to choose a location in the blink of an eye. Did you already have one in mind?

Leona: More or less.

Cater: Can I ask where you applied at?

Leona: Sure. It’s a lab run by a mining and energy company over in Sunset Savannah.

Rook: My, I hadn’t known you were interested in geology.

Vil: People do often say that Sunset Savanah contains a massive amount of natural resources underneath its grasslands. Makes sense.

Cater: Oh, yeah. Leona-kun’s the prince of Sunset Savannah, right? That’s really great you’re wanting to give back to your homeland like that.

Leona: Nah, you got it backwards.

Cater: Huh? Wait, you don’t mean…

Leona: Even if I slack off the whole time, ain’t no way a Sunset Savannah company’d dare give a member of the royal family a failing grade on his internship. Honestly, “Second prince” is a real lousy title and doesn’t really come in handy most of the time, but there ya go. I’m gonna be making sure my homeland gives back to me as muuuch as possible. Ah hah hah ha!

Cater: Whaaaat?!

Leona: Okay, I spilled the beans, so could ya buzz off already? *Yaaawn*

(Leona lies down and goes back to sleep)

Cater: No way, dude…that’s not fair!

Trey: Leona might not have sounded very serious just now, but the type of place he was talking about only allows a very limited number of students to apply for internships there. And only ones with top grades, at that.

Cater: So basically, everything he said doesn’t apply to us… Ahh, talking to him wasn’t much of a help on our end, huh. Ah ha haaa…

Vil: Is Leona cursed or something? Is someone forcing him to always boast about all his faults?

Rook: Heh. Even that side of Roi des Lions is very much like him.

Chapter 7

Cater: Uhh, another person we could probably talk to would be…

Rook: Oh, my! Is that Roi de Ta Chambre I see over there?

Idia: E-eep!! M-my bad, I should go find somewhere else to sit….

Cater: It’s rare for you to show up to class in person. Where’s Ortho-chan?

Idia: Ah, he’s… umm…m-my little brother is…

(Idia pulls out his tablet and starts talking through it instead)

Idia: Since he’s officially enrolled as a 1st year student now, he’s not allowed to come with me to class anymore unless it’s, like, a special multigrade class.

Trey: Now that you mention it, there’s been quite the hubbub amongst our 1st years lately. They’ve all been talking about their new humanoid classmate.

Idia: Ah, yeah…. Okay, so we got a bunch of Pomefiore and Heartslabyul cheerful characters here. Mind telling me what you guys want?

Rook: We were hoping to hear about your plans for your internship. You are quite a gifted and renown engineer, after all! I’m certain you’ve set your sights on an engineering institute, no?

Idia: Geez….that’s private info, dude! You can’t just walk up to somebody and start asking about their hopes and dreams like that.

Trey: Ah, we aren’t trying to force anything out of you. I hope you're not mad.

Idia (whispering to himself): Then don’t come talk to me in the first place!!

Idia: Ugh, there wasn’t even any point in me coming here today. What a waste of time. But the principal was all like, “Just because you’ve already received a tentative offer from your internship location, I’m not going to give you special treatment and let you skip the orientation.”

Cater: Huh, tentative offer?!

Trey: So there was someone even further ahead in the game than Leona…

Idia: After I gave my research presentation at the culture festival, a bunch of companies reached out to me saying they wanted me to do my internship with them. I was planning on turning them all down, but then I noticed one of them was NRC’s business partner, so I decided to take up their offer. Not much else to it than that, really.

Vil: I can’t say I have a problem with it, seeing as the company was the one that reached out to you. So, who was it then? It wasn’t… S.T.Y.X., was it?

Idia: No way. My folks told me not to come back home for a while, anyways. The Island of Grief is already back to normal after that incident I caused, but we’re still getting a lot of outside pressure to take responsibility for what happened. My dad is, I mean.

Cater: Oh, that’s right. When those S.T.Y.X. guys showed up at NRC, all the pictures and videos people were taking of them went trending on Magicam.

Idia: Even though a small glimpse of our operations got leaked, nothing’s changed the fact that S.T.Y.X. is still just some “mysterious institution” to most people. And that’s exactly why mass media has been going nuts to figure out who we are. Are we a benevolent institution that works to protect the world from behind the scenes, or a nefarious group that carries out seedy experiments and threatens to disrupt the peace? Everyone’s just saying whatever they want at this point... Those media guys have way too much free time on their hands. I mean, don’t they have, like, more important things to report on?

Trey: Whenever something is kept a secret, it just makes people want to find out what it is even more. It’s just one of the bad parts about human nature, sadly.

Idia: That’s why my folks thought it’d be best to have me come back here. Since the school’s on a remote island and outsiders can’t come here except for special occasions, it’s just the right place to hide away the true culprit behind this whole mess…so basically they just wanted to get rid of the nuisance.

Rook: Heh heh. Well, I find that just shows how much your parents love you.

Idia: I dunno about that. They totally blew a gasket after they got back home. I haven’t seen them get that mad at me since the time I was 8 and outfitted our old vacuum cleaner robot with a magical beam cannon and turned it into a tracking drone, and it went scorched earth in the living room… I mean, I’m really thankful they agreed to let Ortho enroll in school here and all, but…

Trey: Pfft! So you’ve had your parents go off on you like that before, too.

Idia: Huh? What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I have. They’ve also gone and hid my console's power cables after they said I was playing video games for way too long…

Cater: Seriously? That’s hilarious. It sounds like your family’s actually pretty easy to get along with.

Idia: The heck? You guys can’t be serious… My family’s about as approachable as a brick wall.

Vil: But weren’t they fine with letting Ortho enroll here? And aren’t they also supporting your internship decisions, too?

Idia: Yeah, I guess so. But they did stop me from choosing a place in the hospitality industry ‘cause they said I wasn’t cut out for it, so…

Vil: That’s a completely different story. They were just telling you that for your own good. Regardless, what was the company you ended up taking the internship offer at?

Idia: ……Olympus Inc.

Everyone: WHAT!??

Trey: Isn’t Olympus the search engine development company that makes the number one computer operating system in the world?!

Cater: That’s, like, the hardest company ever to get a job at!

Idia: Y-yeah. I’ll be working as a software engineer at their headquarters in the Kingdom of Heroes.

Cater: Oh my gosh, that’s insane!! I bet the employee café they have at their office is super stylish, yeah? I’m so jealous!

Idia: Uh, I’ve never been there before so no clue… Wait, I wouldn’t even go to a café anyways…

Cater: Maaan, everyone’s got such amazing plans. Gotta say, I’m kinda starting to lose confidence here…

Chapter 8

Lilia: What’s wrong, Cater? Why’re you sitting there looking all glum with your head on your desk?

Cater: Ah, it’s Lilia-Chan and Malleus-Kun.

Trey: We’re trying to pick our internship locations and decided to go around and ask everyone what they’ve got planned.

Lilia: I see, I see. Cater…. How many times have I told you? If you go around gathering as much information as possible, that can make it even harder for you to make a decision. Sometimes, you just have to be decisive about these things! For something like an internship, you could just jot down some company names on a few slips of paper and pull one out of a hat.

Cater:  Umm, I think that’s, like, too decisive?

Lilia: You’re still so young, Cater. There’s no need for you to be mulling over all of this so much.

Vil: So, have you two already made your decisions, then?

Malleus: Not yet. To be honest, all of these internship locations look the same to me.

Trey: What do you mean?

Malleus: Well, one season only lasts a mere three months, and I don’t see how we are to gleam anything meaningful during our time there. It'll be over in a moment.

Idia: Hello? An anime cour lasts three months. Watching a really awesome one can change your life forever, dude.

Lilia: Idia’s right. Anyways, this is your one and only chance to attend school and go out into the world as a student, Malleus. I’ve no doubt it will be a wonderful experience for you, so please, make the most of it.

Malleus: I understand. …Hmm, they’ve got some archeological survey locations on here. That does sound a bit interesting. What are you planning to choose for your internship, Lilia?

Lilia: Me? I’m…I’m not choosing any of these.

Cater: Huh?

Trey: Oh, do you mean you’ve already picked one?

Lilia: No….. I’m dropping out of school.

Everyone (Except Malleus): WHAAAAAAAAT!??

Malleus: ………..what?

Episode 9

Epel/Ortho/Jack: Mickey?

Jack: Who’s that?

Grim: Some dude that keeps showing up in the mirror in our bedroom at nighttime. But Yuu’s the only one who can see him. I looked at the mirror one time and didn’t see a darn thing!

Deuce: Oh, yeah. With the culture festival and the whole mess with S.T.Y.X., I’d completely forgotten all about that stuff with Mickey.

Ace: I think we were saying maybe you could try and take a picture of him with the ghost camera, right? Were you able to take one?

(Yuu nods and shows everyone the picture of Mickey)

Ace: So, uhhh…this is Mickey? He doesn’t…look like a beastman. Maybe he’s a monster like Grim?

Deuce: I wasn’t expecting him to look so… charming.

Epel: Yeah. If something like that popped up in my mirror in the middle of the night, I don’t think it’d be all that scary… maybe.

Grim: His ears are even bigger than mine!

Jack: I bet he’s able to pick up sounds from far away.

Ortho: I went ahead and ran a query across some databases of Twisted Wonderland’s known terrestrial species, but I wasn’t able to get a hit based on his silhouette. The databases I’m able to access do not totally cover all fairies and magical beasts, however. Hmmm…. It’s certainly very intriguing, isn’t it?

Ace: The fact that Yuu was able to get a picture of him at all means he really wasn’t just dreaming him up this whole time, I guess.

Deuce: So Grim can’t see this Mickey guy, but he shows up on pictures taken with the Ghost Camera…..

Jack: Prefect, you got any other info on him?

Yuu: Yeah, Mickey’s got some living playing cards and dancing mittens in his room…

Episode 10

Ortho: I see. So if we compile together all the information that Yuu has provided, we’ve learned the following: First, Mickey does not reside in Twisted Wonderland. Second, time passes in Mickey’s world, too. And third, the only time Yuu is able to communicate with him is when Mickey is asleep…This is only my conjecture, but I suspect that Yuu’s mirror might be acting like a dental crown.

Everyone: A dental crown?

Ortho: Ah, my apologies. I’ve gotten a little bit ahead of myself…. Umm, have you guys ever heard of crystal radios before?

Jack: Yeah, we made one before in class when I was in elementary school. It’s a radio receiver that’s just made out of some wire and a piece of crystal. I remember being real surprised as a kid, ‘cause it doesn’t use any batteries or anything, but we were able to listen to music and news broadcasts and stuff with it.

Ortho: Yes, that’s the one! With a crystal radio, as long as the right conditions are met, you can tune it to a specific frequency and pick up surrounding radio waves from the air. In very rare cases, silver dental crowns can meet those very same conditions and will accidently start picking up radio waves, as well.

Epel: Really!? That’s crazy.

Ortho: There’s a number of different parameters that come into play like the size of the crown, how much saliva you have in your mouth, and whether there are any buildings or radio towers in your proximity. With a crystal radio, you meet those conditions I was mentioning before intentionally. But with a dental crown, it’s all by accident. Long ago, people weren’t aware of the receptive nature of dental crowns, and it was a major shock when music would suddenly start playing from their mouths! Apparently, they thought it was the work of a ghost or something.

Ortho: And now, getting back to our main topic at hand…. In Twisted Wonderland, we have numerous forms of magical travel, radio communications, and other such things. I’m sure you all are aware of that already. Now, have you guys ever heard of a Viewglass before?

Epel: I think we learned about it the other day in our history of magic class?

Deuce: There should be a picture of it in our textbooks…. Ah, here it is.

Deuce (reading aloud from the textbook): “In the folklore of the Shaftlands, mention is oft made of an enchanted mirror - one that permits it's beholder to peer at anything from their loved ones, to fearsome beasts that reside deep in the woods. Pictured here is a magical device that was created based off the legends of this enchanted mirror. It is called a Viewglass, and it allows the user to communicate with other people over vast distances.”

Deuce: Trein Sensei said this would be on our test, so I made sure to bookmark the page.

Ortho: Just like with that device there, there's plenty of other magical forms of communication and transportation that make use of mirrors, crystals, or water. Because of that, it made me think there’s a high possibility that Yuu’s mirror just so happened to meet the right conditions and was able to establish a connection with Mickey somehow.

Ace: I think you might be on the right track there, Ortho. If you think about it, the Mirror of Darkness also summoned Yuu into our world on accident, too… Wait a second, does that mean…

Ortho: Mickey exists in a world separate from our own, and Yuu also came from another world. So if we’re able to determine a method that can allow us to form a secure connection with Mickey, that could help us find a way to get Yuu back home!

Yuu: !!!!!

Ortho:  We’ve got a really good chance here. Do you guys wanna do an investigation together?

Episode 11

Grim: An investigation?

Ortho: We’re a group comprised of a magical beast, a visitor from another world, a humanoid, humans, and a beastman. We’re like a bunch of different variables, so to speak. And that means if we each go and try to get Micky to appear, we’ll be able to verify if our hypothesis is correct by changing around the variables. That’s why I think that if we work together, it’ll be perfect for trying to uncover the “right conditions” to establish a connection with Mickey!

Deuce: Honestly, I think you’ve got a point there.

Ortho: My big brother is always saying that systematic isolation is important if you want to reliably reproduce a phenomenon. If we all take turns spending the night at Ramshackle Dorm, we’ll be able to gradually increase our chances of reproducing the connection with Mickey.  

Ace: Sweet!

Deuce: Great idea, Ortho! If there’s any chance we can find a way to help Yuu get back home, then we gotta take it!

Grim: Ortho’s way more reliable than that lousy principal! All he’s done so far to “help” is just pretend to investigate and go on vacation!!

Epel: I’ll join in, too! …Ahh, but that means I’ll have to think of what to say to our warden so he’ll let me stay over at your guys’ place…

Ace: Dude, just tell him you’re going to a group study session or whatever. Okay, so who’s going on what day?

Jack: Oi, I never said I was gonna help you guys.

Ace: Whaaaat. You’re so cold, Jack-kun. We might be able to find a way to help Yuu get back to his home, man. You really don’t wanna help?

Jack: I-it’s not that, I just… I go to bed pretty early at night so I can wake up in time for my early morning training. There’s no way I can stay up late enough waiting for Mickey to appear.

Grim: You can go to bed early if ya wanna. Yuu will be sure to yell nice and loud at ya so you wake up in time.

Ortho: Great, then that settles it! Jack, you’ll take weekends, since you won’t have to worry about waking up early for your training.

Jack: Oi, you listen here! Don’t just go deciding things on your own. My training doesn’t take holidays!

Epel: Heh heh. Ortho-kun, you’re surprisingly kinda pushy… I guess?

Ortho: Aaah, I wish we could have someone of the fairy race join our investigation… Yuu, do you have such an acquaintance?

(Yuu thinks of Malleus)

Yuu (internally): I wonder if Tsunotaro would help?

Sebek: I ABOSOLUTELY OBJECT TO THAT!!!

Everyone: H-huh!?

Jack: The heck was that? Sounds like a commotion over there.

(They look around and spot the source of all the noise)

Ace: Ah, I know that guy. He’s in my analysis of magic elective class. His name is...

Episodes 1-5

Episodes 12-15

Episodes 16-19

#ace trappola #deuce spade #yuu #grim #twst #twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #book 7 #ruler of the abyss #ortho shroud #idia shroud #leona kingscholar #epel felmier #jack howl #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #cater diamond #trey clover #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia #sebek zigvolt #my tl #im losing my mind why do i keep forgetting to put “the” in the title omg

[archie-sunshine]

So, What Now?(Rehabili/Cohabi-Tation)

CHAPTER 1: In Which there is an Announcement and an Offer Between Friends Ex-Enemies

FIC TAGS: Eventual Whirl/Cyclonus/Tailgate, Cyclonus/Tailgate, polyamory, slowburn romance, mutual pining, slice of life, fluff, comedy, eventual smut(planned for later chapters), sappy mushy lovey stuff, polycue, May eventually have illustrations

The Lost Light has a brand new universe to explore! But everyone's still tired from the old one! In the interim between wacky hijinks, a solution is offered to those bored to death by peacetime- Why form a club about it or renovate your hab suite of course!

Whirl doesn't know how he feels about all the pep. And even worse, he doesn't know how to feel about Cyclonus and Tailgate wanting him to join in on their clean slate.

Chapter 2 Here! Chapter 3 Here! Chapter 4 Here! Chapter 5 Here! Chapter 6 Here! Chapter 7 Here! Chapter 8 Here!

_________________________

Author's Notes: I think about Whirl Cyclonus and Tailgate EVERY DAY. They deserve the world, and so I'm going to give it to them.

“So! As we enter our new universe, and plunge into a world of endless possibility, there’s some important things we’d like to take the time to discuss!”

With a world of infinite possibility and endless promise stretching out before them, one would think- rather one would hope, pray even- that it would be impossible to be bored. 

But apparently, once the lost light ripped a hole from one universe to the next, anything was possible. And Whirl was truly, deeply, madly bored. It had only been a deca-cycle and a half since the big jump, and for him, the promise and possibility was waning. It seemed like the crew was set on ‘taking a beat’(ugh) before jumping into anything too risky. Something about healing and resting up after such a climactic series of battles (snore) before running headfirst into more danger. In all honesty, during Rodimus’s disjointed address informing the crew of that matter, Whirl had found it more interesting to do literally anything else. 

Like people watching. If there was anything good about the break, it at least gave him the time to take stock of the new energy in the place. There was a denta rotting saccharine cloud of hope and joy in the air. For the first few cycles Whirl had taken part in it as well, the partying, the smiling, the laughing, the dancing, et cetera. But now it was getting a bit old. A bit old was an understatement even. 

It seemed like every other bot was hand in hand with someone, or standing a bit too close. Hell even the captain’s balcony reeked of love and joy. Whirl wasn’t a stick in the mud, but it felt like the ~positive and loving vibes~ were pinging off his plating like a constant series of annoying flicks and pokes. 

He shuffled a ways back deeper into the crowd, offlining his optic for a brief moment to let the mumbles of the crew wash over him. When he onlined it again, it was in response to a familiar voice-

“Whirl! Hey- Whirl!” Tailgate chirped, waving at the taller bot from his spot sitting next to Cyclonus. They’d been attached at the hip recently, disgustingly cute, a set of words Whirl never thought he’d use in reference to Cyclonus. 

Whirl raised his servo, letting him know he was heard as he shuffled on over towards the loverbots. “What’s up?” He asked, cocking his helm and leaning against the wall next to them. 

“Isn’t that super exciting- what Rodimus said?” Tailgate whispered, craning up to him. Whirl leaned down a  bit to close the distance. Frag it was kinda hard to have a politely hushed conversation with this height difference.

“Huh? The break? That's the opposite of exciting- sitting on our skidplates for ages? Gimme a break.” Whirl snorted, crossing his arms. 

Tailgate gave him a confused look. “What- No! He said we could do renovations since there are some empty hab suites- were you paying attention?”

Whirl squinted at him. 

Tailgate continued to look confused.

Cyclonus cycled his vocalizer. “I don’t think anyone but you expects Whirl to listen to a speech longer than a klik.” He said quietly, placing a gentle servo on Tailgate’s shoulder pad.

“OH- yeah-” Tailgate nodded quickly, a bit embarrassed. “Right- So you know how there’s less people onboard now than there were at the start-”

“That’s an understatement.” Whirl muttered.

“-There’s like a ton of uninhabited hab suites now, so he said after the whole announcement meeting we could go claim some to make a whole hab UNIT out of if there are any empty ones around us!” He was giving Whirl a look like it was the most exciting thing in the whole universe. Tailgate was. Tailgate who had stuck his finger in the forehead of a tyrannical dictator. Whirl glanced at Cyclonus. Cyclonus gave whirl a meaningful look. The kind that said something like ‘Humour him?’

Whirl nodded slowly. “... And thats… Exciting.” He said.

“SUPER exciting. It’ll be nice to stretch our legs, maybe do some decorating- OH! Hey, aren’t you lonely?” Tailgate cut himself off. 

Whirl, taken aback by such an abrupt observation, glanced around. Cyclonus, too, was blinking a bit incredulously at his conjunx. “E-Excuse me??” Whirl asked.

“NO- I mean- y’know- because you don’t have a suitemate-” 

“OH! I mean- I wouldn’t put it that way, flying solo suits me just fine.” Whirl shrugged.

Tailgate cycled his optics. 

“I’m fine with being on my own, Tailgate, I like having the space.” He said, turning his helm away to scan the crowd. 

Out of the corner of his optic, Whirl could see Tailgate turning his gaze to Cyclonus, grabbing his hand. Cyclonus shook his head sagely. He could hear the near silent whirr of them conversing in their heads, trading thoughts so he wouldn’t eavesdrop. 

Whirl turned his attention back to the speech. 

“-Next on the docket, we turn to Ultra Magnus with some important morale building updates!” Rodimus announced, sweeping a servo out to the larger mech. Whirl sunk back against the wall. Primus, just when I start pretending to care again.

Polite applause filled the room as Magnus took his place at the front of the group. He cycled his vocalizer, lifting up a datapad and beginning to read. “Hello everyone. As you all are well aware, during the past deca-cycle we conducted a survey regarding your thoughts on the brief ‘adventuring hiatus’ as our co-captain has decided to call it.” He began, briefly glancing at Rodimus, who offered a prideful nod at his expert naming strategy. “The results have been published, and your resounding, collective answer was, unsurprisingly, a pervasive feeling of boredom.” 

There was a rumble of agreement that rippled through the crowd. 

Ultra Magnus nodded, not looking up from his datapad. “As a means of quelling discontentment, we have come to a decision. In the halls and communal spaces within the ship you will now find holoboards which are available for advertisement as part of our new…” He paused for effect. “Communal Bonding and Engagement Initiative.” He paused again, looking out over the confused crowd for an excited reaction. Rodimus threw his servos in the air, giving a big enthusiastic double thumbs up to gesture for more of a response. After a few kliks of murmuring, Rodimus stepped forwards.

“We’re now actively encouraging you to form clubs and/or recreational sports teams! With the new unused space from our uh… lessened crew, we encourage you to begin construction on whatever spaces you might need-” Rodimus explained over a growing, more enthusiastic din. 

Whirl glanced around, noting the reaction. Bots glanced around at one another, growing smiles on their faceplates and loudening chatter filling the room as they traded excitement about the idea.

“WITH- Proper clearance and permits-!” Ultra Magnus thundered over the growing noise. Soon enough the room was filled with excitement and chatter. 

Whirl rolled his optic. If this was their idea of fun he might just start making problems on purpose. He turned his gaze to the two bots beside him. He had no doubt that Tailgate would be pinging off the walls at this concept- and he was correct, what with the way he was vibrating violently and gripping Cyclonus’s hand so hard it might as well have crumpled like foil. What he wasn’t expecting was the quiet, approving nod that Cyclonus was giving the idea. He wasn’t even doing it for Tailgate’s benefit! Tailgate wasn’t even looking at him for approval!

Magnus had resumed chattering, something about proper procedure for requesting space, and holding a workshop on how to properly take down walls for renovation purposes and Whirl was already bored of it. He was… preoccupied. It was hard to focus on most things for Whirl. But somehow, there was something about Cyclonus and Tailgate’s stupid relationship that held his attention. Maybe it helped that he’d kind of encouraged the two of them together, maybe it was all the gazing at Cyclonus’s constant pining that got him invested. But it was something he couldn’t help but watch. 

They were chatting with one another again, meaning Tailgate was babbling faster than Blurr and Cyclonus was gazing lovingly into his optics with an expression like normal energon, rather than the spoiled version he usually looked like. 

Whirl vaguely heard the doors of the hall open, and Rodimus eke out another ‘Til all are one!’ over Ultra Magnus’s continued reading of the CBEI rulebook that he had no doubt Ultra Magnus had relished in writing. The room was already starting to empty. It felt like Whirl’s audials were a million miles away, the whole room a little muffled. 

Finally, as the room was almost completely empty, Tailgate popped back up onto his pedes, still chatting with Cyclonus. 

“-ly if we’re going to grab the rooms around us before someone else gets their servos on them.” Tailgate’s voice came back into focus as he helped Cyclonus up off the bench. Cyclonus chuckled, which might have just sounded like an apathetic grunt to anyone else. 

“Aw, slag, everyone’s already got a head start!!” Tailgate wailed, grabbing his own helm with both servos as his optics flashed with despair. He began to jog out the door, rolling into his alt mode clumsily and speeding off down the hall, swerving between bot’s legs and around a corner. 

Whirl laughed to himself as he watched Tailgate’s tiny frame disappear off into the ship. “He’s a bit of a servo-full, huh?” He quipped, turning to face Cyclonus. 

Cyclonus nodded with a quiet hum. “You’d be too, in his place.” He said. 

“What, like I’m not a servo-full now?” Whirl grinned- in his own way. “I could be a bigger pain in your plate than he ever could.” He prodded a claw into Cyclonus’s chest. 

Cyclonus raised a brow ridge, folding his arms and cocking his head. “I don’t know, Whirl. You’ve mellowed out from my perspective.” He said in that infuriating tone, humor dry as a desert. 

“Mellow? I’d better up my game then.” He sneered, leaning his optic right up to Cyclonus’s head to leer at him. As usual he gave little reaction, gazing off down the hallway Tailgate had escaped to. 

“You spend too much time in your hab suite.” Cyclonus didn’t turn his optics to face him. “Even if you had upped your game I’d never have noticed.” 

Whirl was quiet for a long moment, turning his helm back down the hall. “... I like the privacy, what can I say?” 

“Tailgate was planning on asking you to join us in our ‘soon to be luxury habitation unit’.” Cyclonus stated bluntly. “He said you seemed lonely.”

Whirl’s optic twitched.

“And sad.”

Whirl’s optic narrowed, flicking down to glance at Cyclonus. He was glancing back at him.

“And it was making him feel lonely and sad-”

“I get the picture, Cyclonus.” Whirl snapped.

The two held each other’s sideways glance for another long beat. 

“I don’t need Tailgate’s pity, I’m doing just fine. Cool as an ice crystal. Never been better.” Whirl added.

Cyclonus let out a quiet ex-vent, taking a step down the hall. “Think about it. The door’s open to you. You know it is.” He tossed one last look over his shoulder. “And I’m not only saying that on Tailgate’s behalf. I can feel it too.” He opened his intake to continue, but shut it, turning back down the hallway. “It doesn’t suit you.” 

Whirl watched the ex-con walk away. That quiet feeling washed in again- Envy? Annoyance?... Longing?- dulling the constant whirr of the ship. Whirl looked down at his servos, clicking his claws together for a moment before glancing around the room.

Yep. Alone again. 

He waited until Cyclonus was out of sight before beginning to walk through the ship back towards his hab suite. He noted the new holoboards, currently empty save for the advertisement for Ultra Magnus’s upcoming CBEI workshop. He figured they wouldn’t stay empty for long, there were far too many bots chomping at the bit in that room. They all loved that kind of community, leave it to a bunch of veterans to jump at the opportunity to get back on a team. Whirl liked it just fine on his side of the fence, thank you VERY much. Teams had a habit of… collapsing on him. 

He tapped at the buttons of his hab suite, the door sliding open with a quiet whoosh. The lights flickered on over his usual mess. He swiped some junk off his slab and laid down. 

After a while of relative stillness the lights flicked off, plunging him back into darkness. He tossed, shifting a bit in an attempt to get comfortable. 

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

It was always a struggle to recharge. His frame felt restless and wrong. He squished himself into a comfortable enough position and focused on trying to pass out. Counted backwards, counted forwards, replayed the most boring parts of Ultra Magnus’s speeches.

Finally, as he started to power down, he was snapped awake by a tiny bit of text appearing in his comms frequency channel. 

A message from someone. Someone who’d signed their words, even knowing that the receiver would know whoever sent it.

TG: Don’t be a stranger! -Tailgate

… Maybe just visiting some time wouldn’t hurt.

#transformers #mtmte tailgate #mtmte whirl #mtmte cyclonus #idw mtmte #mtmte #tf mtmte #mtmte fanfic #my fic #fluff #mtmte fluff #tf idw fanfic #transformers idw #tailgate/cyclonus/whirl #cywhirlgate #cygate #cyclonus #tailgate #whirl

[youmakemyhearthowl]

Punk Princess

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10| Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 (Next Part)

One of Steve’s favorite things to do on the weekends is what El has deemed “Punk Princess” time. 

Hopper works a lot as the Chief of police, so Steve and El have had plenty of time to figure out what exactly they like to do together and how to make things fun. And it’s not like Hopper is an absent father for El by any means, but after everything that happened with El going missing when she went to look for her mom, Steve did get a little firm with Hopper about being more present in his daughter's life. Because being a parent isn’t something you can call yourself in name only. You have to be there for your kid. Love them, notice when they go missing. 

Steve had been beside himself when he’d gotten home from school and she wasn’t there, trying to get ahold of Hopper and getting no answer. He was frankly a mess that she’d gone missing and apparently so had Hop, and then the Billy of it all and tunnels happened and El had shown back up and Steve had just scooped her up into his arms burying his face in her neck to hide the tears. 

When the evening was done, and Steve was laid up on the couch so Hop could keep a better eye on him through the concussion, Steve had laid into him. Hopper hadn’t even gotten angry at Steve for the harsh words he threw at him at the time. Simply pulling an angry, crying Steve to his chest and hugging him stating “You’re right kid, I’ll do better” 

But sometimes Hopper still has to work those long weekend hours and that’s when it was Steve and El’s ‘Punk Princess’ time. 

She’d originally coined the name as ‘Bitchin Punk time’ but after she heard Eddie call Steve Princess one time, she got stuck on calling it ‘Punk Princess time’ and the rest was history. 

The day usually consists of El scouring half of Steve’s wardrobe for exactly what she wants to wear, topping it off with the jacket her sister Kali gave her, before asking Steve to do her hair and make up to make her look Bitchin’ and then wrestling Steve into whatever outfit she picks for him and doing his makeup for him in turn. 

Steve fucking cherishes these moments. 

They usually spend the afternoon with El making demands for Steve to play whatever song she wants to hear on his guitar and to sing for her, holding concerts till their throats hurt. 

And Steve teaches El how to fight. 

He’s not an expert in it by any means and he started off teaching her some of the basics Cam had taught him over the summer, before incorporating more as he learned it in his own jujitsu classes he had started taking. 

El was way too good at fighting, although Steve’s pretty sure she cheats, using her powers sometimes to enhance a move. But he’s never going to tell her to stop. 

Usually when she does though he always makes sure to offer up some advice he thinks could be important one day.

“Knowing how to do this and incorporate it with your powers is wonderful, it’s a great way to learn new kinds of control over it, but you have to practice it without them too, just as you, no super powers. Because you never know if somethings going to happen where you don’t have access to them, but you’re still going to need to protect yourself.” she always gets her super serious face on when he offers her advice, nodding along and absorbing it like a sponge. 

This weekend Steve changes up their routine a bit. 

“Hey bug, how do you feel about a shopping trip?” Els's entire face lights up. “ I figured after we get all dresses and punked out, we can head out to the diner for breakfast, and then go to the Mall in the next town over since the one here isn’t open yet, get you some clothes that feel more like you.” She’s absolutely beaming at him, and Steve would quite literally do anything to get her to smile like that all the time

“Dad says I’m not supposed to go out too much though.” 

“Eh, Hops a grumpy old man. He’s done worse than sneaking out to go shopping when he was closer to our age. Besides, you’re gonna look so bitchin’ no one’s gonna notice that you're Eleven. They’re just gonna think you're a super awesome Punk Princess.” She giggles 

“Would it be okay if Max comes?” 

“Hell yea Bug, give her a call while I hop in the shower and we can get this show on the road.” 

Sometimes Steve feels bad, that he spends so much of his free time with El, and not a ton of it with Dustin, Lucas and Mike and even Max, and he brought it up to Dustin once, asking him if there was anything he could do to be better towards them as well and Dustin had just laughed his fully belly laugh and hugged Steve, stating simply and matter of factly ‘ Steve you literally dedicated all your time to all of us, you live with El, you’re bound to feel like you see her more. But trust me when I tell you, you do more than enough for all of us and we love you for it, even if you couldn’t spend as much time with us. You do just about everything for us and even though you complain way too loudly about it when you do, we know what we mean to you. Just like you know what you mean to us.” and that was that. Steve did notice for a while after that, the rest of the party would show up randomly at his house to spend time with him now. It felt like it was more for him then for them, but he really wasn’t about to start complaining because those kids meant the world to him.

As Steve busies himself putting on the clothes El left for him outside the bathroom door, his mind wanders to Eddie. 

Eddie who spent practically the entirety of Friday doting on Steve between classes and during free period. It’s like after their talk a whole new door had opened and made whatever they had before that much stronger. It was hard for him that entire day to not just kiss Eddie every chance he got. But they weren’t even dating and whatever long game they were playing didn’t currently include kissing, except for the wrist and jaw. 

God Steve’s entire body gets warm every time Eddie places a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist, the raw intimacy of it, attached to the promise behind it has him practically swooning every time it happens.

“Steve, you are taking to long, I have the makeup ready.” El’s voice calls through the door and he chuckles to himself, looking over the outfit she’d picked out for him. He’s wearing tight black pants, that are probably too small for him, but hug him nicely in the legs, making it easier to pull on and wear the thigh harnesses she’d also chosen, which means she's probably wearing the matching ones he’d bought her last week. She’d chosen his lavender sweater with the black hearts on it for him to wear under his jacket and vest as well as a choker with spikes on it.

He really should have her just pick out his outfits for him everyday. The entire ensemble was honestly one of the better outfits he’s worn.

“Alright alright, how do I look?” He smiles twirling around for her to take in the whole outfit.

“Bitchin’”

“You’re damn right. And look at you! You were made to dress punk El, that jacket with those cargo pants? I don’t know how you do it but you come up with the coolest outfits, Bug.” She preens under the complement, patting the stool in front of her for him to get situated so she can start applying his makeup. He’s settling in just as Max bounds through the front door, plopping down on the couch next to El to examine the makeup laying around her on the coffee table. 

“This is gonna be so fun.” Max’s snickers picking up one of the brushes, El smiles at her, handing her the lavender eyeshadow palette and telling her to wait until El’s finished the eyeliner to smoke it around his eyes. He smiles at them, warmth tickling his lungs at the fact that El just gets to be a kid in moments like these. He hopes he can hang onto them and give her more. Be everything for her he never got growing up. 

After his makeups done and he does El’s and her slicked back hair look she loves, he adds a softer look to Max that still keeps her feeling bad ass and their off. Stopping at the diner to grab their breakfast to go because the trip to the Mall is about an hour drive and they are bound and determined to get there as soon as possible. 

Steve smiles softly at their quiet giggles in the back seat as they eat, drinking his coffee and humming along to Iron Maiden. He’d pulled Max to the side when El had run into the diner to go to the bathroom and enlisted her on his mission to make this the best outing they could, so that El could experience life as a 14 year old girl like she was meant to, and Max had lit up and explained that any Mall outing needed a movie montage worthy clothing extravaganza, and Steve wholeheartedly agreed. 

Steve had not been prepared at how much energy Max and El would have as they ran through the mall. Stopping at every store and trying on at least one thing in each one. Steve's wallet was crying at how much he’d bought both girls, but the thankful way they’d thrown their arms around him more then made up for it. 

“Steve, Steve can we get Ice cream before we leave?” El comes running up to him, having changed into one of her new jumpers she’d bought with a flurry of colorful butterflies on it. She’s not even waiting for an answer before both her and Max have ahold of each of his hands and is dragging him to Scoops Ahoy and ordering the most obnoxious sounding banana boat. He really hopes they don’t open one of these in the mall being built in Hawkins. The whole thing is just tacky .

Over all, Steve thinks the day was a massive success, Max and El still bouncing around the house when they get home. Going on and on about everything they’ve seen that day. Steve’s laying on the couch where he collapsed when he got home and didn’t move from when he hears Max laugh so loud she snorts and the girls come running into the living room.

“This is what you used to look like?” Max asks through wheezes. Holding up a polaroid of Steve from his freshman year Tommy had taken. He’s got a god awful gray polo that was a size to big on, and his hairs parted down the middle in an attempt to look suave, the photo taken about two days before he’s figured out the signature King Steve hair floof he’d done every day after. 

“Yuck it up Mayfield. Ladies dug the look.” She snorts loudly, flipping the photo around to look at it again.

“This look? Ladies dug this look? Steve, you look like a square!” She’s yelling in her laughter and not for the first time that day Steve's heart swells with happiness at El’s equally loud laughter next to her best friend. 

“If I was any shape it was a hexagon cause I was sexy Mayfield. You’re just jealous of all my swag.” 

“Swag!” She yells the word before falling over into El, clutching her stomach and wheezing through her laughter, El giggling happily while leaning back into her.

Yea the day was definitely a success. 

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10| Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 (Next Part)

#Punk Steve #Punk!steve #Punk Steve Harrington #steve Harrington #eddie munson #El Hopper-Harrington #Soft sibling hours #fuck i love them so much #punk princess fic

[jjtheresidentbaby]

i know how much u love theo soooo im gonna request the entire fragrance headcanon prompt list for theo! go wild have so much fun!!

- @bebbie-bilinski

🍂Little Theo Fragrance Prompt Headcanons 🍂 ➢ event masterlist

a/n: I didn’t use two of them (rose & jasmine) cause I just don’t think they apply but otherwise I had a ton of fun with this!

warnings: talk of pre-canon/the dread doctors, non verbal!theo

1. Lavender: How do they calm down in moments of major stress?

- physical touch is a great way to calm Theo down if he’s upset! one of his caregivers picking him up or laying with him on the couch should help a lot

2. Vanilla: What is a food or scent that carries a lot of nostalgia for them? How do they feel if they smell it now?

- those sandwich’s you can buy at grocery stores for a few bucks are super nostalgic for Theo, he ate a ton of them while he was still with the dread doctors and now it’s a 50/50 if he likes them. occasionally he’ll want one while regressed and eat it just fine but when he’s big he steers clear of them as the smell can make him gag

3. Bergamot: What gesture of kindness made the biggest impact on them, and why?

- when Stiles apologized for being so cold towards Theo after he was revived. It wasn’t a huge gesture or anything, just a simple conversation, but by the end Theo was a teary eyed mess & regressed and running full force into Stiles to hug him (stiles ofc reciprocated & maybe got a little misty eyed himself)

4. Mint: What is their sharpest sense, and how does that impact their life?

- his sense of smell. It was strong when he was a kid anyways and then when he became a chimera it only got stronger. It can cause a few issues while he’s regressed, normally he can handle all the scents around but while small he doesn’t like how strong everything is

5. Lilac: Of all the new beginnings in their life, which one was the most important to them? How did they celebrate it?

- becoming a part of the pack was a really big step for Theo and he eventually when they found out about his regression it became an even bigger deal. he likes to celebrate the date that he was “officially” committed to being part of the pack, the pack of course find it adorable and all agree to host a movie night or something every year

6. Cinnamon: What’s their favorite fall tradition?

- trick or treating!!!! as a kid it was one of the only holidays he could celebrate without upsetting the dread doctors, he’d scrape together a costume and take a pillow case to go out and fill it with candy! and even now as a teenager he really loves the holiday, especially when he’s regressed and can tug Scott or someone else from the pack along to get candy at houses (even Derek gets roped into it and he definitely doesn’t flash his eyes at the people hesitant to give Theo candy, nooo not at alllll /sar)

7. Lemon: What is something seemingly inconsequential that can put them in a bad mood for the rest of the day?

- the sounds of drilling. It instantly takes him back to the experiments the dread doctors would preform and all Theo wants to do after hearing it is curl up into a ball. most times his caregivers will catch on and be able to cheer him up, but if he’s alone he gets pretty scared and can fall into a non-verbal state

8. Musk: What do they usually smell like, or what does their home usually smell like?

- the detergent he uses is un-scented and made for sensitive skin, as is his body wash, so his scent isn’t strong at all. It’s mostly a mix of faint pine cologne that Scott uses as he’s at his house a lot, and the vanilla that Lydia always smells like. anything harsher gives Theo a headache, especially when he’s little, the pack are all sure to dial back their perfume/cologne use when Theo’s going to be around

9. Berry: What makes them happier than perhaps it should? Do others know about it?

- head pats/head scratches, he blames his wolf side but he adores getting his hair played with or genuinely just getting pet. especially when he’s little, he often full shifts when he regresses and it only heightens his love for head scratches. I think a few people in the pack know. Scott, Malia, Lydia & Liam definitely know and play into it alllllll the time just to see Theo blush a little

10. Patchouli: What sort of outdoor activities do they enjoy most? Do they get the chance to do that activity often?

- hiking/runs. he loves to run around trails or just freely in the woods! Malia goes with him quite a lot, and if they’re regressed they’ll probably talk Scott or Stiles into watching over them as they do (because going alone wasn’t the smartest idea when they both got lost trying to get back to theo’s truck) Theo gets to go out running a lot, even if he can’t make it to the woods he likes to run on the sidewalk before school for a few miles, most of the time it’s Derek that acts as Theo’s caregiver during those times as he’s the only one awake that early & willing to run that much

11. Peony: What is the best gift they have ever received from a parent, material or otherwise?

- Melissa got Theo a fleece throw blanket, it’s a light brown color and Theo cherishes it. he only lets Lydia wash it, she hand washes it and uses some fancy detergent that smells like soft vanilla and Theo loves it. he also has a stuffed blue bunny that Tara gave him before she died, it’s not in the best condition as it was dragged all over creation when Theo was still with the dread doctors, but it means everything to him. Lydia is also the only one who can wash it, she also stitches it up when it’s ripped or the past patches start to come undone, Theo can’t thank her enough each time

#jj headcanons #jj events #teen wolf agere #little!theo raeken #theo raeken

[styxhuntress]

My Reaction to The Teen Wolf Movie (spoilers ahead)

My thoughts on the Teen Wolf Movie.

Spoiler it sucked.

Let’s please write fix-it fics for this train wreck. I am begging you.

Movie Spoilers ahead.

1. It wasn’t great. It did have its moments, hearing Chris Argent call the Nogitsune a “Motherf*cker” was one of the highlights of the movie.

2. Why was Jackson even there? He honestly didn’t do anything of importance and felt like a useless side character, he wasn’t even funny (and it was clear they were trying to be)

3. The Kitsune character girl. I felt absolutely no emotional attachment to her. She kinda just existed.

4. Pretty much every character felt like a side character. They were trying to cram so much into 2 hours that the whole movie felt like a super long trailer for an even longer movie. There was no character development, no relationship development and to be honest it felt like I was watching completely new characters that I had no attachments to. They all just felt like they were boiled down to one personality trait. Like for real, add as many scenes as you need to make sure every character arc and plot line gets addressed properly. A movie can be more than 2 hours. Hell. There are movies that are 10 HOURS LONG! Make the movie how ever long it needs to be to give characters depth, give each plot line the details and attention they deserve, and to make the movie not feel rushed.

4 1/2. Except Derek. Derek was awesome as always. And then they fucking killed him. And I was one second away from chucking my phone at the wall.

5. Anyone else think it was kinda weird how Derek kept the jeep, yet supposedly hated it with a passion? He hated it, yet he never through it away. And then Eli, his SON, kept stealing it and was overall obsessed with it? No? Just me? *hint hint*

6. Eli was obviously supposed to replace Stiles. He was clumsy like Stiles, sarcastic like Stiles, obsessed with that Jeep like Stiles. And in the end he got to keep the Jeep, and that shot of him driving it made it so clear that he was supposed to be the Stiles character. But because he IS NOT Stiles, and because while he may be sarcastic, he wasn’t a spazz or funny like Stiles. And more than that, he didn’t show the same sense of loyalty that Stiles does, he didn’t have a “Scott” so the most important trait that Stiles had, was non existent in him. And because of that we will never even come close to appreciating him like Stiles.

7. Anyone else find it REALLY annoying how they kept talking about Stiles every 2 seconds as though that was going to make up for him not being in the movie? It doesn’t. It just makes us notice his absence more. And hate you more.

8. They made the movie all about the Nogistune, and yet there was NO STILES OR KIRA. Literally the two most important characters of that plot line. If the actors won’t come back, use a different villain.

9. The whole movie felt like a really long trailer. I felt like I was supposed to go watch the “real” movie when it was over. A movie should never feel that way.

10. WTF is up with Harris? He was a major villain in the movie but only had like 5 minutes of screen time. What is up with that?!

TLDR: the characters are all stale with 0 personality (except Derek. He’s great.) one of the main villains had only 5 minutes of screen time in a 2 hour movie. Stop mentioning characters who aren’t there as though that’s supposed to make up for their absence. It doesn’t. Don’t create a character to replace a fan favorite cause they will never be able to. The movie felt extremely rushed, and as though I was watching a movie trailer. Very, extremely mild, sterek vibes at times. And they used a story line that had two extremely important characters, and neither one of them was in the movie.

#teen wolf #teen wolf movie #movie review #teen wolf stiles #derek hale #stiles stilinski #nogitsune #teen wolf harris #terrible movies #mistakes #let’s fix this shit on AO3 please #chris argent #Chris argent cursing was amazing #justice for derek hale #there is no replacing stiles

[mazegays]

could've followed my fears all the way down

Chapter 5

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

“Thomas, you’re abandoning me for the greenhouse now?” Frypan jokes. “I set aside plates for you two. Harriet was going to grab you, but she said you looked like you were having a serious conversation.”

“Now, Frypan, have you ever known me to be serious?” Sonya jumps onto the counter, dodging Frypan’s playful swat. “Thomas, on the other hand, I think we have to convince him not to be.”

“Get off my counter, Miss Anti-Serious. Some of us still have work to do, you know. Jorge was looking for you, Thomas, but he’ll find you at some point.”

Jorge does have a strange way of doing that. Thomas thinks it’s a hard-earned skill. If he knows anything about Brenda, it’s that she likes to find her own way of doing things.

“Thanks, Frypan.” He manages to say before Sonya is pulling him to the fire pits. There’s not much room there this time of day, but she plops down on Harriet’s lap and he sits next to them.

“What if I had had food in my lap?” Harriet tries to look stern. “What would you have done then?”

“One, you didn’t, two, you would have moved it. That’s what you always did in the Glen.”

“I did not.”

“You did!” Rosa, one of the other Group B members, calls. “Admit it, Harriet, you’ve had it bad for Sonya for a long time.��

“I see you’ve turned against your leader. Perhaps you want to think about that.”

“Last I checked, you and Sonya lead together.” Thomas points out. H/e carefully doesn’t look at Sonya, so he doesn’t start laughing.

“Okay, stick, I see how it is.” She shoves him lightly. “You want to race again, is that it? Where’s Minho, maybe he wants in.”

“I’m here. Someone’s gotta show you all how it’s done.”

“Wait, Thomas, are you good to run?” Harriet seems to remember his sight.

“Yeah.” He blinks a few times. “The blurriness cleared up earlier. That’s a weird side effect, though. What do you think causes it?”

“No, Thomas, we’re not debating that right now.” Minho rolls his eyes. “Shank always wants to know everything about everything, I swear. He was like that in the Glade, too. Always asking questions. Newt and Alby didn’t know what to do with him.”

Thomas flinches a little when he says Newt’s name.

Minho’s not upset that he killed Newt. He said he wasn’t, and Minho wouldn’t lie about something that big. Minho hardly lies, ever.

At least, he hasn’t lied to Thomas. Thomas doesn’t have any reason not to trust him.

finish under the cut or on ao3

“How far should we go?” Rosa asks. “We can’t do it here.”

“Let them finish eating, Ro.” Harriet gestures to Thomas’s and Sonya’s plates, still mostly full. “We can decide after. None of us have anything super important this afternoon.”

“Thomas, Jorge and I wanted to talk to you.” Thomas tilts his head back to look up at Vince.

“Yeah, sure. Now?” Minho takes his plate while he stands.

“If you’d like.” Thomas shrugs. He’s just eating. It’d be nice to do with others, but he doesn’t have to.

He has a feeling he knows what they’re going to ask, anyway. Vince takes him to the back room of the common house.

“You know we fixed the Flat-Trans recently.” He nods.

“We were wondering if you’d be willing to go back through it.”

“Do we know where it opens back up yet?”

“Somewhere near where it closed.” Jorge answers.

Teresa’s body would be so close. Would it be worth it to find and dig it up, bring her back to bury her? Like so many of his friends never got to be? No, probably not. And who knows what might have gotten at it by now, anyway.

Or if anything actually survived the explosions.

“We want to do a recon mission. You’re familiar with that WCKD base.” Vince’s arms are folded, hands in fists. That’s never a good sign.

“Somewhat, yes. Mostly from half-memories and dreams. I didn’t get my memory removal reversed.” He reminds them. 

This isn’t what he was expecting at all.

“It’ll be a small group, only a few people. You’ll be leading them.” Vince hesitates, looking at Jorge. Jorge just raises an eyebrow.

“It was your rule, Vince. You can explain it.”

“You can’t take any of your friends. Brenda, Minho, Gally, any of them. Jorge and I will pick who goes with you.”

“So I don’t get any say in this?” Thomas watches Vince closely, then Jorge. 

“You do, hermano. You can say no, and one of us will go, or we’ll ask someone else. We just wanted to give you the option first.” Thomas remembers how he met Jorge in the Scorch. All the signs about him being the leader.

He’s stepped back. It’s not as fun as it looks, and he’s sixteen. He doesn’t want to lead. He shouldn’t have to.

So why does he want to say yes so badly?

Even worse, why does it feel like he’s already agreed?

“Let him have time to think on it.” Jorge says, already putting a hand on Thomas’s shoulder to guide him from the room. Vince just grunts.

Once they’re out of earshot, Jorge sighs. “I’d wanted to warn you before Vince got a chance to say anything. Hermano, you really don’t have to do this. Vince wouldn’t be convinced to ask anyone else first. Take the night at least to really consider this. Take the next few days, if you want. Speak with someone about it, please. It’s not something that needs to be done immediately.”

But the sooner it gets done, the sooner they’ll be able to get more resources, maybe bring more Immunes in. Many of the people here are living without electricity and running water for the first time in their lives. Going through the Flat-Trans might mean being able to get some rudimentary systems up and running again. 

Jorge shakes him gently. “Are you listening to me, Thomas? Don’t decide now.” Thomas has never been good at concealing what’s going on his mind, though, and Jorge remembers him from a time Before.

“Go and race with your friends before you think yourself into this. You are not the only one who can do this.”

But Thomas can tell that Jorge knows it’s a losing battle he’s fighting now. 

There’s a reason he was the Final Candidate. It was always him, it’s always going to be him.

He doesn’t race that night, sitting off to the side and cheering instead. Minho glares at him when he cheers Sonya on, but it’s worth it for the lightness it brings to his chest.

It’s much easier to ignore that he’s going to be lying to them soon enough when they’re all laughing and teasing.

#thomas #minho #tmr #sonya #harriet #tmr harriet #newt #tmr newt #frypan #jorge #vince #tmr thomas #tmr minho #tmr sonya #tmr fic #maze runner fic #could've followed my fears all the way down #fluff #it's a fluff chapter yall be happy about it #thominho #thominho fic #thomally #thomally fic #thominally #thominally fic #nix writes #ao3 #ao3 fic #my fic #my writing

[dollystuartwrites]

7&ME - Chapter 1 - Job

Pairing: OT7 x F!Reader

Genre: fluff, smut, idol AU, straight, bisexual, gay, threesome

Wordcount: 1015

Chapters: [1] - [2] - [3] - [4] - [5] - [6] - [7] - [8] - [9] - [10] [11] - [12] - [13] - [14] - [15] - [16] - [17] - [18] - [19] - [20]  [21] - [22] - [23] - [24] - [25] - [26] - [27] - [28] - [29] - [30] MASTERLIST Wanna read all the chapters right now? You can find the complete story for free on WATTPAD

Summary: Miracles do happen! Somehow you've finally managed to secure a job at a big company! Even though it'll be a 24/7 job, they promised you a fat paycheck, so you don't care what the job is... But what if the job is managing 7 grown men? Seven men who all have needs...

Warnings: swearing, unprotected sex, vaginal penetration, fingering, size kink, oral (f&m receiving), dirty talk, gay sex, threesome sex, bisexual sex, implied masturbation, this is super vanilla compared to most of my stories, let me know what I missed.

Y O U R   P E R S P E C T I V E

I could feel my heart thumping in my throat.

I was nervous.

But I was always nervous on my first day on the job.

I mean who isn't, right?

I've had several jobs before, some simple ones like waiting tables and such.

But never something significant.

I looked out of the window of the cab, watching the streets flash by.

Who would've thought that my first job out of college would be something so big?

Certainly not me.

When I had applied my resume to the vacancy the Big Hit Entertainment had put out, I'd never expected to actually get it. After all, I barely had any experience and I had just gotten out of college.

Nervously I played with my hair as I watched the sun slowly set, outside of the car window.

The job description had been vague, and during the job interview, the workers didn't give me much information about what it was exactly they wanted me to do.

All I knew was this: 1. It would be a 24/7 job. Meaning no time for friends or family. Not that I had any since I had immigrated to Korea. 2. The paycheck was enormous. If my calculations were correct, and I could keep doing this job for at least 5 years, saving up most of my salary (not that I would have time to spend it anyway), I would almost be settled for life. 3. Anything that I would experience should be kept secret. This had been very important to the bosses since they had mentioned it several times during my interview. I was not to talk to anyone outside my job about the job. Not even the bosses themselves. 4. I would get instructions from my clients about what it is that I should do exactly.

This last point had helped me a lot while trying to figure out what the hell it was they wanted from me. Apparently, I had several clients: I would have to work for or manage multiple people. Since Big Hit Entertainment was a company that managed many k-pop stars, I imagined it would be probably a new group that was about to debut or something.

They probably expected me to help them with their schedule or something, making sure they'd be on time for practices and whatnot.

But then, why would the clients be the ones to instruct me? Surely if this was the case, the bosses would instruct me, not the client?

'We're here,' the cab driver spoke. I blinked.

The cab had stopped in front of a large concrete entrance, that had guards and a barrier guarding and checking everyone that came in and out of the place.

'Oh,' I breathed. My heart pounded loudly.

'Do you need any help with your bags?' the cabbie offered politely.

'No need, thank you,' I thanked him. After all, I only had one suitcase.

I paid the cabbie and got my stuff out of the trunk.

The cab immediately drove off into the night.

I wasn't sure what to do. Nervously I walked up to one of the guards at the entrance.

'Erm, hello,' I started, my voice slightly shaking.

The guard didn't say anything.

'I'm y/n and I'm starting my new job today and I was told this was the address...' I said, my voice trailing away as the guard stared down at me unblinkingly.

I wasn't sure what next to say. I didn't even know what my job description was.

I looked at the space behind the gates. It reminded me a lot of a luxury hotel or apartment complex. The ones you would see in k-dramas where the CEOs would live.

Definitely not a place a group that still had to debut would live. They could never afford it. I could never afford it.

'Identification,' the guard said unexpectedly.

I quickly rummaged through my bag and pulled out my passport, giving it to him.

The guard inspected it carefully, before giving it back to me.

'Follow me,' he commanded, walking away with big steps.

I had to run to keep up with him. I had barely any time to look around properly.

There were large condos stacked upon one another. Separate buildings, all with large windows and luxurious-looking balconies and gardens.

This had to be a place where big celebrities lived.

'In here,' the guard said after a while, leading me into one of the large uniform buildings.

The more I saw of the place the more my thoughts were confirmed. This was NOT a place for a rookie idol group.

'This door,' the guard said suddenly when we were standing in front of a large wooden door. He abruptly turned around and walked away.

'Thanks,' I mumbled.

I stared at the high door.

Dear god, what had I gotten myself into?

I closed my eyes shut for a moment and took a deep breath.

Calm your mind

I pressed the doorbell.

'Who is it?' a male voice came from the little speaker

'Hi, I'm y/n. I'm here for the... job?' I said hesitantly, not knowing what else to call it.

The door gave a buzz and I pushed it to open. It was a very heavy door so it took some effort because I was using one hand to hold my suitcase.

With my backside first I entered the hallway, closing the door behind me.

I turned around and my heart skipped a beat.

A group of young men was standing in the hallway, looking at me with curiosity and interest.

I quickly bowed deeply at them.

'Good evening, my name is y/n' I reintroduced myself.

I straightened my back and saw all of them smirk at each other.

A quick count told me there were seven of them. Seven men from, what I guessed, my age. All with different hair colors and postures.

And all very, very handsome...

I nervously smiled at them as they exchanged peculiar looks with each other.

'You'll do just fine,' the tallest man said. He winked at me and grinned.

I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

Oh, dear...

#7&ME #bts #bangtan #rapmon #rapmonster #RM #Jimin #Jungkook #Namjoon #Park Jimin #fanfic #fan fic #fan fiction #fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts fan fic #bts fan fiction #bts fanfiction #bts fic #Hobi #Hoseok #J-Hope #jhope #taehyung #kim taehyung #ot7 #btsfanfic

[loveislarryislove]

2022 Writing Reflection

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 18 (holy shit???)

2. Word count posted for the year: 107,382 (double holy shit?????)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Critical Role, Tamora Pierce, The Old Guard, Percy Jackson

4. Pairings: Larry, BeauJester, Immortal Husbands, Shiall, Solangelo

5. Story with the most…

Kudos: I Can Build Your Heart A Home

Bookmarks: I Can Build Your Heart A Home

Comments: Hash Brown, Egg Yolk, I Will Always Love You

Hits: Your Skin On Mine (I'm Losing Control)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

So I have two fics I want to shout out for this. First is Do You Think The Tides Know, which is a super personal concept to me and one I’ve been wanting to explore for a while. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever written before, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever read anything quite like it -- where from the beginning it’s clear that the main character won’t get the guy, where the endgame pairing doesn’t involve our POV character, where no matter what we’re rooting for we know it involves heartbreak. It’s complicated and it’s messy and it’s imperfect and it’s painful and I think that’s important, you know? That’s real. That’s life. And that’s okay. 

I’m also really proud of my Reverse Bang fic, they say looks can kill (and i might try), which just posted this week. I’ve always been intimidated by worldbuilding, but the art and prompt from @haztobegood were just... so vivid and interesting and exciting, and I could feel the world begging to be explored. I was initially afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it justice and realize the ideas the way I wanted, but I’m so glad I did it anyways. I don’t think I did a perfect job, there are still gaps that I’m aware of as the person who created them, but I also think that overall I did a damn good job! Go me!  

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): 

I’m also going to mention two here. First is my Emelan fic for Troped: Chapters -- I had some fun with the concepts but I just wasn’t feeling the romance that was the center of the prompts, and I wasn’t sure how to make everything play out effectively. Second is my Camp Half-Blood AU for Astrofest -- I had a much bigger, grander, more complex idea mapped out based on all the different positive and negative meanings of the card, but I just bit off more than I could chew in terms of time and energy, so the fic I wrote instead was a much simpler spur-of-the-moment idea. It’s a fine story, I don’t dislike it, but it wasn’t what I’d wanted to write initially. Still, I’m glad it nudged me to start exploring that ‘verse -- I wrote a PJO fic a month or two later and I’d like to write more! I might also revisit the more complex idea someday, I still think that it would be a super cool story! 

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: 

I received a ton of wonderful comments and tags, but I think some of my favourites were the appreciation for the check ins and conversations around kink in fics like it's always me that ends up getting wet. We love boundaries and consent!!! Having that level of trust with your partner is what most interests me about kink, so it felt really validating and rewarding to see that reflected and appreciated. 

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: 

Looking at my writing tracker, I only wrote like... 800 words in March, so I guess numerically you could say that was hard, since I didn’t do it. 

In the other direction, in August and September I published TEN fics (totaling about 46k words), so that was. a lot of writing. why did I do this. I’m so proud but also kind of concerned. 

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Is it too unspecific to say “all of the smut”? Like wow, usually I don’t really write smut, but this year I was apparently VERY INSPIRED. And I kept writing such huge word counts in one go, wow. 

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh man, it’s always hard to pick just one piece (especially without it getting ridiculously long), but let’s go with this snippet from Do You Think The Tides Know, as Zayn says goodbye to Louis at the end of the summer:

Zayn pulls Louis into a tight hug, trying to memorize the feeling of his body, the sound of his heartbeat, the smell of his hair.

“Don’t be a stranger, yeah?” he says, trying to keep the catch in his throat from showing in his voice. “I know we don’t usually talk that much outside the summer, but… you have my number, if you ever, like, have questions or just… if you ever need anything. Call me.”

Louis chuckles. “I know,” he says. “You’ve always got my back. Thanks, man. You’re a great friend.”

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, then forces them back open. “Good,” he says, stepping back. “And… good luck.”

A bright smile dawns across Louis’ face. Zayn wishes it was for him, wishes he could make Louis look like that. But failing that, he hopes that the person who does make Louis smile like that – he hopes he never stops.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

This is kind of unspecific, but I think just... being more willing to try things that are unfamiliar and step outside of my usual comfort zone. That willingness feels like growth, and doing that creates growth. 

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Part of me wants to say writing self-motivated fics, stories I tell just because I want to and without outside boxes I have to fit into or people holding me accountable. But maybe the real growth would be acknowledging that those outside influences and motivations are valid, and if they work for me, that’s not such a bad thing. 

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

gotta be @alwaysxlarrie. I can always count on lauren to hype me up or help me brainstorm or get my creative gears turning or tell me if a sentence or moodboard looks weird or celebrate my accomplishments. and I love returning the favor! mutual brain furbies for life -- you the best! 

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: 

The “weird holiday traditions” in The Streetlights Are All Saying Your Name are both real traditions that my family had when I was growing up

I work in a pet store, and so for All Ewe Need Is Lamb, I used information and products and even photos from my work 

As I mentioned before, Do You Think The Tides Know is based on a really personal experience -- it’s not like 100% true to life, but the idea of dating someone while in love with someone else, and knowing that the relationship had an end date, but celebrating the happiness and fun and learning in the meantime -- that was real to me, and super meaningful. So grateful for everyone else who has connected to the fic as well!

And this is kind of the inverse and a slightly more spicy one, so look away if you don’t want to know, but. Writing for the @1dwatersportsficfest ultimately led to me telling my fiancée that I was into that. So. I guess that’s my writing showing up in my real life!

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: 

If you’re afraid of doing something because it feels out of your comfort zone or what you’re used to doing -- that’s where the growth is. Find people who encourage you to do it anyways, who make you feel excited to go there, who celebrate your achievements. It’s so much less scary with friends, and you’ll probably surprise yourself with how much you’re capable of.  

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

With the publication of my fic for the 1D Reverse Bang this week, I am officially finished all my current projects! Which isn’t to say I don’t have forgotten half-finished projects, but I don’t have anything I’m actively working on at the moment. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. What will I daydream about on the bus now???

I’m feeling called back to my Soft Established Relationship Vax’ilmore Fluff Series, so might write a couple of those next (then again, I said I’d do that last year, and that lasted about 8 days so. we’ll see). I’m also eyeing up some of the fests for this coming year (I need external motivation, it’s a problem) and @1dtourdeficfest @faithinthefutureficfest @1dastroficfest are all on my list of contenders.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

I’m not sure who all has already done this so apologies if I’m tagging someone who has already done it (or already been tagged a billion times), but: @alwaysxlarrie @haztobegood @zanniscaramouche @andfollowthesun @larry-hiatus @panye @littleroverlouis @beckydoesthings @finelinegynandromorph @paranormalbabydoll @thebreadvansstuff

#writing #mine #my fics

[strangeswift]

max mayfield 1-21. no i’m not fucking with you.

I love you for this and also you're a menace for this. (Skipped the ones about OCs only)

1- Favourites thing(s) about this character?

I love how forgiving and understanding she is. Mike treats her like shit all of S2 and yet she still keeps trying to be his friend. El is cold to her when they meet and yet she still admires her and is never mean to her, they become fast friends as soon as El approaches her. I also love her humor.

2- What song(s) remind you of this character?

Anything Kate Bush. All the songs on your Max playlist especially Dead Girl Walking by Jensen McRae. This is Me Trying and Dear Reader by Taylor Swift

3- Do you like this character?

Yes ofc she is top 6 favorite characters.

4- Would you write about this character?

Yep! I have a little bit, I have a madwheeler college roommates fix planned and I'm planning on writing my version of her S4 letters.

5- What do you not like about this character?

I don't think there is anything? I mean I don't love that she broke up with Lucas 6 times in S3 for silly reasons, but she's a kid so I'm not actually upset with her for that?

6- Favourite thing this character has said?

Okay okay she has so many but I think "There's more to life than stupid boys" takes the cake because to me that's our tomboy character embracing femininity and acknowledging just what she said, girl's live shouldn't revolve around boys. Also just such an important step in El's independence and their friendship AHH

7- What do you like most about this character?

This is kinda the same as #1 huh? Well. I also like how she's good representation of someone dealing with grief, abuse, self blame, and depression. Her experience is so realistic which is what makes her story S4 so compelling.

8- Do you think this character is underrated or overrated?

Underrated. Not that she's super underrated I think she does get a good amount of appreciation, but she needs more. She's also misunderstood by a lot of people.

9- What’s your favourite headcanon(s) for this character?

Favorites are that she's bi and that she and Mike become really close friends when they're older.

10- Who do you like to ship with this character?

Lucas Sinclair 💕💞💓💖💝💘

11- Who do you not like to ship with this character?

...... El Hopper 😬

12- Have you read any fics about this character? (if it’s not an OC)? Can you recommend anything good?

Honestly I only read Byler fics so she's always background. So I don't really have recs 😔

14- What outfit would you really like to see this character wear? Or what’s your favourite outfit of theirs?

The outfit she wore in the graveyard is my favorite outfit of hers, I want it.

15- Favourite line of theirs?

See #6 but also when she asks Dustin if she joins Hellfire does she get a cool shirt.

16- What do you think would improve this character? Like, character-arc wise?

Well if I could go back and change the past, I'd show more of her complex feelings towards Billy in S3. Moving forward though, in S5 once she wakes up I think we need to see her actively trying to be more open. She knows now that pushing people away is dangerous, but that's not something you can just switch off in your brain, she'll need to work at it.

17- Have you ever had a crush on this character…?

Nope. But my 14 year old self probably would have. I wanna be her best friend though she's so cool.

18- What’s something you associate this character with? E.g. a certain colour, object or scenery?

I associate her with the color green that her shirt is in s4 the one she wears under the brown jacket at the creel house. I associate her with skateboards. I can't look at a skateboard without thinking about her cuz I am not normal.

19- What would the show/book/movie be like if this character wasn’t present? (if it’s not an OC)

Oh God. El would still have no personality of her own and be in a completely codependent relationship with Mike with nobody to hold him accountable for the way he's treating her. El would be fucking miserable. S4 would be terrible. Max was the best part of S4 hands fucking down. Well her and Will, but mostly her. And no Lumax? Kms.

21- Wild card! Talk about anything to do with this character! Anything at all!

She and Lucas have such a beautiful fucking relationship like the Duffers really got me out here caring about a straight ship??? (Bi4bi so not really but you know what I mean.)

#whew that took a minute #ty ella #max mayfield #asks #abby rambles

[tiredassmage]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Thank you for the tag @captainderyn!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Possibly a great, great(?) grandmother I never had the chance to meet, via middle name, though it’s been... probably at least a decade since I heard that tatter and I’m not sure how correct it is, lol. I’m... not particularly close to a vast majority of the family, tbh, given Drama(TM). Mom picked by meanings though. I know that was very important to her.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I... think I cried a little about a week and a half ago in one of my classes. Not because the class, I promise, lol. We watched the pilot episode of a show called Station Eleven in class and that was a gut puncher.

3. Do you have kids?

No, thank you. My pets and my OCs are all I need, lol. Very ace. Not my personal cup of tea.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Mmmm. I wouldn’t say regularly. It has its moments and I’m sure I was a bit more brutal with it when I was a kid, but its purpose isn’t generally helpful in areas where I need to communicate. I think most of the things I say sarcastically now are probably in regards to fictional characters. xD

5. Favorite time of day?

Late evening, in that like seven - ten pm range. Generally evenings. I’m absolutely not a morning person. If I’m up rather early, I’m tired later in the day. Evening tends to host “me” time.

6. Eye color?

Good ol’ reliable brown. (I need more brown eyed ocs, tbh?) Fun fact: eyes are kind of what enchants me, irl and I probably tend to be a bit invested in fictional character eye colors, too, lol. They’re beautiful. I have no other explanation. That said, I’m very shy about eye contact until I feel more comfortable with people/get to know them better.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, if I’m picking between them and scary. I don’t do horror, I am baby. I can be enraptured by a decent thriller and loved a good crime drama TV show. I can kind of do paranormal stuff sometimes, but I can scare myself just thinking a little too hard about it, so very hesitant.

8. Any special talents?

Mmmm... nothing nontraditional, I suppose. I had a few music teachers tell me when I was younger that I have hands that would’ve been great for piano, but I wasn’t super interested in pursuing musical interests outside of, like, basic school requirements. I did chorus for a while, but was kinda eh. I did enjoy acoustic guitar, but, again, not exactly enough that I ended up doing anything with it.

9. Where were you born?

Rural northeastern US of A. I miss having a fall season, but decidedly not enough to give up the warmth of living much farther south.

10. What are your hobbies?

Largely video games, lol, if it was hard to tell. I’d like to do more drawing and get into digital art. I am majoring in Digital Media Design, after all. One of my hopes is to properly play around with a tablet I bought myself over the summer while I take a break from courses. I desire to draw my blorbos, haha!

11. Do you have any pets?

Two ball pythons, the loves and amusing occasional nuisances of my life! They made a brief appearance on my main here. There’s also two dogs in the house, James and Cooper. Cooper is definitively my mom’s dog, however, and, jokingly, my little brother. (He’s her favorite. We all know this.) Cooper is... ??? We think a Collie mix. And James is a Basset-Lab, both adopted about a year or two apart, if I remember right.

12. What sports do you/have you played?

Oh, actual eons ago, I briefly played soccer (probably not very well) when I was very, very small. I have ridden horses (I miss them, Brent), but primarily only in schooling shows and I did participate for a few years in my barn’s summer gaming series just at Walk/Trot. I used to ride low-level jumping courses. Competitive sports haven’t ever really been my thing, particularly to participate in. I would’ve called riding one of my hobbies while I did. It’s an expensive one though and a bit of a tricky one to get back into when balancing college and part-time retail work. My mom and I try to stick to our developed tradition of selecting a local trail riding venture to attend every year for my birthday though that keeps that connection outside of whatever I vicariously pick up through games, lol.

13. How tall are you?

5′5ish. A smidgen shy, but that’s what they put on my license.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Histories and sciences. If I wasn’t so averse to writing research papers and math, I have genuinely considered majoring in either area. Unfortunately, my university doesn’t have a program for meteorology (weather and natural events are a somewhat more recent interest of mine) and video games evidently have some staying power as my interests, so that’s how I ended up in DMD.

15. Dream job?

I’m honestly not sure anyone has a really solid answer to this question, lol. I certainly don’t. I... went into DMD partially because it was interesting enough and I genuinely felt college would benefit me somehow. While I like my pet store job, it’s not exactly where I’d like to spend the next twenty years, even if I am a creature of habit that balks at change, lol.

So, theoretically, I’m studying DMD and entertaining the idea of a minor in creative writing because characters have always been one of the most important aspect of games to me. The idea is to maybe pursue a focus on character or scenario writing, but I... really don’t know, lol. I’m still largely clearing prerequisites and other structural graduation requirements, so I haven’t really dug into the focus areas of my degree yet and I definitely still doubt that I know what I’m doing or if it’ll genuinely be something I can pursue.

It’s definitely scary and I absolutely struggle with that uncertainty, but it’s also a process of just trying to remind myself that it’s a skill and therefore it is something I can develop if I put the work in - that’s the whole purpose of taking classes, after all. It’s something I’m trying to be more conscious of because I have found it very easy to slip into the student mindset of doing things just for class, so I’m still not sure what all I have as far as presentable skills or how to showcase them. But that is... off the base question, I suppose, lol.

So, work in progress!

Uhhhhmmm, this one’s sort of a mix idk who to tag for, lol, so I think I’ll leave this one open? Muts/followers, feel free to say you’ve been tagged if you’d like to do this one!

#tag games #dot talk

[zackthebrown2]

any time i’ve described my experience growing up in and around the church, i’ve felt like an alien, like i grew up in some weird alternate reality, which, in some ways, is kinda accurate. so i figured i’d write it down, or at least some of the highlights, as a way of just...i dunno...getting it out of my system.

i grew up in church (of the Baptist variety), but it was a little more all-encompassing than that. the church i grew up in also ran a private school on the same property as the church. i attended this school kindergarten to 12th grade. i was on church property 6 out of 7 days a week, and then when i got older sometimes 7 days a week due to various youth group activities. my graduating high school class had 29 students.

in my school, we not only pledged allegiance to the american flag, but also the christian flag and the bible. i think at one point we also pledged allegiance to the texas state flag. we had chapel every monday. in general, we all had to wear uniforms (which basically just boiled down to polo shirts with the school logo and khaki/navy pants for guys and khaki/navy/plaid skirts for girls [but it’s gotta be knee length or longer because you can’t just be going around tempting boys or whatever]).

in high school, i took an “honors” anatomy class, and one paper we had to write was “the autopsy of jesus christ.” we had to look up and figure out how jesus’ body would have been reacting to all the beatings and whippings and various blood loss amounts and organ failures all leading up to the crucifixion. i had a math teacher who would start off every class with a bible reading and a short “devotional.” one day he got so wrapped up in the devotional that he didn’t even teach an important math concept that we all ultimately never quite got a hang of. i once had to take a class simply titled “christian doctrines.” i still very much identified as christian at that point, but even then i found the class super dry and overly old fashioned. i also didn’t learn about evolution (like the nuts and bolts of how it worked) until i got to college. my school literally didn’t even bother covering it. literal 7 day creation, baby!

when pokemon first came out, i was obsessed. i had the gameboy games, i had the trading cards. right before the first pokemon movie came out, my parents made me get rid of all my pokemon stuff. i had first gen holographic cards that would be worth quite a bit now. i had to stop watching pokemon, and i wasn’t allowed to see the movie with my best friend all because in conservative christian circles it was believed that pokemon translated to “pocket demons” so....

ah but that wasn’t the only time i had to part ways with various pieces of pop culture. once a visiting pastor blasted pretty much anything fun, and after that service my family got rid of most of our disney VHS copies (in lion king simba talks to the ghost of his dead dad, so ya know...that’s not cool with god i guess) along with some non-disney movies (swan princess i can remember for sure).

i could go on about the constant fear of hell (am i really saved?) or the rapture (i lost track of and can’t find my mom DID I GET LEFT BEHIND??), or the weird christian movies and series that exist (look up Little Dogs on the Prairie, or, for pure nightmare fuel, PSALTY THE SINGING SONGBOOK). just normal things.

[purplesurveys]

1475

1. Is there currently any snow on the ground where you live? Nope.

2. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Nah. The closest I am to being an aunt is being chosen as one of my cousin’s godmother, which is honestly strange to me because I haven’t identified as Christian in years; but it wasn’t like I could reject the offer of his mom (my aunt). Anyway, yeah no nieces and nephews and I’m just waiting on my friends and cousins to have their own kids so I could be the cool aunt that spoils them rotten and take them out after school days and such.

3. Have you ever sold anything online? I’ve put some photocards up for trade but I’ve never sold anything.

4. Have you ever been to an extremely dirty house before? Whose house was it? No. I’ve been to houses that are more cluttered (or maybe busier is the right word?) than what I am used to, but it’s never been Hoarders-level of messy.

5. Would you ever or do you hunt? No.

6. Have you ever blown smoke into a bubble (kids bubbles) before? No. I didn’t even know that was possible.

7. What bothers you most about the customers you serve at work? If you don't directly serve customers at work, what bothers you most about your job in general? I don’t handle customers but working in an agency, I do deal with clients on a daily basis. The thing that grinds my gears is when clients within a brand can’t even be aligned among themselves and consistently change the direction and messaging of a campaign mid-campaign. And then what usually gives my team secondhand embarrassment is when they discuss and debate about the brief mid-call while already facing us. How can you be that clueless about the direction of the very brand you’re handling? Who green-lit your shit when it wasn’t even 100% approved in the first place?

Another irritation are rush asks that eventually lead to a, “We’ve decided we’re not pushing through with it anymore,” because it’s a lot of time and energy and effort wasted that could’ve been spent on other plans that are just as urgent and actually have a chance of coming into fruition.

8. Do you like to play games on your phone? What games do you play most often? I play a grand total of one game and it’s a K-pop-themed rhythm game. 

9. Do you take a lot of pictures of your pets? I do, a lot.

10. Do you screen shot a lot of things on your phone? Yeah, I constantly have to a deleting spree from my screenshot album because I do it so frequently without even realizing it.

11. What is the most recent video you took of? It was at our company gathering, during the raffle portion we had. Someone from the team made a spur-of-the-moment decision to chip in his own resources so that more people can win prizes, so I took a video of him making that pledge to keep as proof lol.

12. Do you have any future tattoos planned out? Will you actually go through with them or is there something stopping you from doing so? I still want that tattoo of a bowl of nachos as a subtle nod to Nach; this is the only tattoo idea I’m 100% sure about. I also have that minimalist BTS tattoo idea still mapped out in my head, but I think I’ll wait a little longer to see if I’m still up for it. Interest-based tattoos are dangerous decisions I feel like, just because there’s always that chance of you losing your spark for whatever or whoever that is, and then you could end up regretting that tattoo.

13. Who was the last person to break your trust? How did they do so and how did you deal with it? Uh, I don’t know actually. This hasn’t happened in a while.

14. What did you dress up as for Halloween? Or if you didn't dress up, was there a specific reason or do you just not care about that sort of thing? I went as the Front Man from Squid Game because I knew my sister made the mask for her school project lol. I don’t go all out for Halloween mainly because I don’t see it as a super important holiday; and also just because nobody I know really plans Halloween parties anymore at the age we’re in.

15. Has wind ever done any extreme damage to your home or anything that you own? I kind of almost did. I once plugged in a cord that was clearly chewed out by Kimi when he was still a puppy, stupidly thinking nothing was going to happen. Obviously I got shocked and that gave me a good little wound on my hand for a couple of weeks, but when I thought about it as I got older I realized I could’ve even possibly started a small house fire with that mistake.

16. Is your pet very snuggly or are they more independent? Aki is very sweet and is especially cuddly either in the morning or evening. His two older brothers have always been on the more independent side. 17. What shirt were you wearing the last time you took a picture of yourself? I had on a gray turtleneck and flowy maroon pants.

18. Do you enjoy Smile Cookies from Tim Hortons or any of their other charities and/or seasonal promotions? If you don't go to Tim Hortons, do you dislike the coffee, live too far away from one, or is there another reason? I do go to Tim Hortons but just rarely; the branches we have are too far from where I live so I don’t get many chances to have it. For the most part I get their wraps and donuts and come to think of it I don’t think I’ve tried their coffee yet.

19. Are the photos on your lock screen and on your homepage of your phone the same or different? If you don't have that option on your phone, what is your background on your phone? They’re different but they’re related - my lockscreen is of Tae and Yeontan and my homescreen is of OT7.

20. Do you enjoy taking photos with your significant other or are you just not that type of couple? If you don't have a significant other, do you enjoy taking photos of yourself more or of your friends and/or family? I definitely take photos of other people more. I very rarely have photos of just me because I hate posing in front of the camera to begin with. I’m trying to come around to it though.

#survey #surveys

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

CHAPTER 5. THE FLAYED. Sorry I just think that’s super dramatic.

1.) Why is that elevator so fast? The kids could have gotten this place shut down so fast just by going to OSHA.

2.) Erica and Dustin are worsties.

3.) They are so far underground. The logistics of getting that elevator built must have been a nightmare.

4.) The evil Russians can’t build elevators but they sure are good at building secret bases under houses.

5.) The subtitles have betrayed me and no longer translate Russian for me. Probably because Joyce and Hopper don’t speak Russian. So like it makes sense but I can still be annoyed because I’m nosy.

6.) Policeman have rules? Man, you really aren’t from around here, my dude.

7.) STOP SHOOTING A MACHINE GUN IN A CLOSED AREA, DIPSHIT.

8.) Joyce is bad at throwing but that Russian is worse at shooting. HOW MANY ROUNDS DID YOU SHOOT WITHOUT HITTING ANYTHING? And people say stormtroopers are bad, but they at least canonically weren’t actually trying to stop them. Pretty sure that dude actually was supposed to be stopping them.

9.) Nancy called Jonathan at 6 am to vague about Will being in danger, something no rational person would do, but it was done to be dramatic so they could cut to other characters.

10.) JOYCE AND HOPPER BICKERING IS SO BORING. SO FUCKING BORING.

11.) I love Max being sassy to Mike. Also excited for this to go from 4 groups to 3 groups.

12.) I missed part of Robin and Erica being sassy to each other because I was giving smooches to my cat on his widdle head. And now he’s cuddling with me. That’s not an update about the show but I feel it’s important.

13.) Steve stops the elevator door with a truly impressive move.

14.) Dustin got called roast beef.

15.) I don’t care about evil Russian guy who looks like if you ordered Arnold Scwarzenegger from Wish.

16.) OHH MY GODDDDDDDD. WHY DID THE DUFFERS HAVE JOYCE AND HOPPER BE SO INSUFFERABLE AROUND EACH OTHER THIS SEASON?

17.) I forgot that they carjack a guy named Todd and it is the Toddfather car.

18.) Steve figures out the potential upside down connection about the same time that Dustin does.

19.) I love that El just breaks into so many places.

20.) Their plan is to use an 80 year old woman like a tracking dog.

21.) I forgot they take Alexei to Murray.

22.) I love Joyce.

23.) I love Robin believing Erica about the comma room immediately while Dustin is like ‘that could be anything’.

24.) It is very funny that the only time Steve wins a fight is against a Russian soldier while in an adorable sailor outfit.

25.) Robin discovers the portal.

26.) I hate that they have Jonathan say he was 100% wrong. He kind of wasn’t wrong. The real enemy is capitalism, btw. The patriarchy too. That being said, “I’m a woman and I want to do this so you’re not allowed to be mad about losing a job you desperately need because your financial situation is completely different than mine” is not a feminist take, actually. Like Nancy has her own phone in her room. She has her own TV. Her mom is a stay at home mom. She doesn’t have to worry about how she’s going to pay for college or if she has connections for a job because she has both. She can even blow off a job in the summer before her her senior year because it’s not that important. Jonathan doesn’t have any of those luxuries.

Like yes, Nancy was right about this case and she was right to pursue it, but Jonathan wasn’t wrong to want to drop a case that looked like nonsense to keep a job he needed. Or at least not rock the boat with it. It was also just kind of naive that Nancy thought that there was an amount that would make a bunch of sexist men who saw her as a couple years away from being worth fucking to see her as a professional. There literally wasn’t. They didn’t ask for proof, they asked for her to shut he fuck up and get them coffee.

27.) I love Lucas being the one to notice a moment to actually talk to El. Dustin may think he’s the smartest child out of the boys, but it’s actually Lucas.

28.) I forgot that they get chased.

29.) The flirting going back and forth between carnage in the hospital while Nancy and Jonathan run for their lives is something.

30.) so many people get choked this season.

31.) Jonathan gets his ass beat this season.

32.) For every time that ugly man disrespects Nancy Drew, he owes me 20 dollars, so he owes me a lot.

33.) I think they just killed like 1/5 of the papers staff at least. Do either of them get to have a moment to reckon with the fact that they killed two human beings?

34.) The bodies melted into bad CGI that is STILL DISGUSTING.

35.) Have you heard of a meet cute and a meet ugly? Now in season 3 episode 5, you can see a meet disgusting where two blobs come together to form into a mini mind flayer.

#stranger things #stranger things rewatch #s3e5 #stranger things s3e5

[dorefasolsido]

12. No Recess

***credits to the original creator***

1. Pen: Did the ink ever smudge across the paper when you used to write?

I’m sure that happened many times. It would smudge all over my hands all the time.

2. Highlighter: Did you highlight everything or just the super important details?

I rarely highlighted anything, but when I did, only the important details.

3. Pencil: Did you prefer mechanical or regular pencils?

I think regular ones, idk.

4. Markers: Did you prefer to use the fat or skinny markers?

Skinny, maybe.

5. Crayons: How many crayons came in the biggest box that you brought to school?

Oh idk, I don’t remember ever bring crayons to school.

6. Colored Pencils: What’s your favorite color?

Most shades of blue, black, and purple.

7. Erasers: What’s one mistake from the past that you’d like to erase?

I don’t want to erase any particular act, but I would love to have been able to erase my social anxiety in high school. Constant worry about what everyone’s thinking was a nightmare, and looking back on it all now, it just wasn’t worth the stress.

8: Glue: Which is better - stick or liquid bottle, and why?

Liquid bottles always worked better for me.

9. Scissors: Who was the last person you cut out of your life, and why?

A very good friend who was very bad for my mental health, and I don’t think I was good for hers either. We were fighting non-stop, stuck in this weird friends-but-maybe-something-more situation, until I realized it’s stupid and exhausting to continue that way. That being said, cutting her out was one of the more difficult things I’ve done in my life.

10. Notebook: Were you more comfortable using a separate notebook for each subject, or did you use one notebook for multiple different subjects?

I had separate notebooks for each subject until I came to uni. Then it was all in one.

11. Binder: Did you buy plain-colored binders, or ones that had pictures/characters on them?

Definitely with pictures or characters.

12. Folders: What was the one color folder that you were expected to have but could never find in the store?

Uhh, I have no clue, it’s not like anyone ever expected me to have any particular folders.

13. Clipboard: Did your teacher ever require you to use a clipboard as an alternative to your desk’s hard surface?

Nope.

14. Stapler: Have you ever accidentally stapled yourself before?

Lol it sounds like something that would happen to me, but no. Probably because I didn’t use staplers very much.

15. Sharpener: Did you used to like to sharpen pencils (especially colored ones) at both ends?

Oh I definitely did.

16. Hole-Puncher:  Do you prefer the 1-hole punch or the 3-hole punch one?

Tbh, no preference?

17. Sticky Notes: Do you prefer plain yellow Post-Its, or all different colors?

Different colours!

18. Index Cards: Did you study a lot or just try your best on the day of a test?

I studied, I was a pretty good student.

19. Paper Clips: How often during the school day were you unable to hold yourself together? What about school would make you upset?

I just hated my class and the general vibe of high school. And people often said high school days would be the best time of my life, which made me pretty miserable, because, you know, fuck me then. Luckily, that’s 100% not true; uni was around 1000 times better than high school in every possible way.

20. Reinforcements: Who were your friends throughout your years of school?

I had a little group of friends, but I’m friends with only one girl out of the six now. They never felt like real friends to me, and by the time we were seniors, they pretty much excluded me and the other friend from the group. So, when high school ended, I changed my phone number and didn’t bother contacting any of them later on. 

21. Dividers: Did you have separate binders for each subject, or use dividers in one large binder?

I didn’t use binders regularly.

22. Supply Box: Do you prefer a supply box or a pencil case? Why?

Pencil case, just because that’s what I used to carry to school.

23. Book Covers: Did you buy the colorful stretchy patterned kind, or cover your books with a brown paper grocery bag?

I only used these very early in elementary school, and I always had the patterned ones.

24. Backpack: Did you ever use a rolling backpack before?

Nope.

25. Lunch Box::What was the best snack to be traded at lunch?

Lol we didn’t actually have lunch at school. Our parents would give us some cash and then we could buy a sandwich from a shop near the school or something else to snack on. We never had a proper cafeteria, and our “lunch time” was only 15-20 minutes.

26: Ruler: How tall are you?

163 cm.

27: Paper: How long is the longest paper you’ve ever had to write?

Idk, I wrote a lot of long papers. My master thesis might have been the longest one, but I can’t look for it now to check how long it was.

#personal #survey

[cameronaragon]

Here’s my story,

It’s been a month since my ex, Ashley and I stopped communications after being in our toxic relationship off and on for almost 9 years, this month has been nothing but getting to know myself, fast days with slow nights and I’ve never felt more like myself then ever.

On the night of December 12, 2013 I told Ashley I liked her more then a friend under the Christmas lights of the stage in the village green on Orcas Island. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, I thought she was way out of my league at the time, she attracted every boy and I got to call her mine. Being 15 with your first love is a high I cannot explain, I remember almost every moment from everything.

Things were great the first 6 months, butterfly’s everyday, becoming more and more in love, becoming each others first for everything. But then came a bump in the road when I had started to miss my best friend, Patricia, of 3 years before I had met Ashley. Patricia and I use to go to each other for anything, we had dated for only a couple weeks to try it out, I was fully invested into it but we lived on separate islands and it made it inconvenient for her to see me. So we broke things off mutually in her eyes, she hadn’t known I was super into her like that and my jealousy got the best of me when she started dating another guy I didn’t like and I had threatened to break his already broken arm but worst I had threatened by best friend, it was a whole case and I learned my lesson real quick, but am thankful for that moment because that opened my eyes to see how alike my father and I are, I DO NOT LIKE MY FATHER

Ashley did not like how I reached out to Patricia after time had passed from my horrible actions, she thought I wanted to get back together with Patricia but I only wanted friendship. I would secretly message Patricia because Ashley would not let me and that was the first bond of trust broken a little after 6 months into our relationship. TRUST has been the biggest issue since the beginning. I wanted to talk to Patricia about any of my relationship problems because I didn’t have any other friend to talk to, she was the only one that would really step back and see both sides of situations, no judging and give honest opinions and answers.

Fast forward to almost 2 years into it, we have our first breakup. Patricia had been an issue between us and Ashley was not feeling any love from me, I thought I was giving as much as I could but it wasn’t enough. She just graduated and I thought she was going to go to college, I had just entered my junior year and I was feeling my best. I tried so hard to get back together with her and come to find out her and one of my old homies who was the first friend I made when my family moved to the island in 2005, were neighbors for 7 years, were hanging out with each other and I was devastated, crushed. I had lost 2 very important people who i thought was there for me till my last breath but I was wrong

A couple months into them dating, they both reached out to me at separate times to talk and make amends, I didn’t know what to think at the time, no guidance from any friends I was trying to make and I was dumb to let them back in, my friend (nick) came off of good terms and then when I went to talk to Ashley old feelings came up and we started kissing while she was with nick. We would meet in very secrets spots, hookup while she was cheating on nick and I tried to drag her away from him but I couldn’t for some dumb ass reason so I said fuck it and left them. I was doing my own thing for a little while, it was summer 16’ and Blonde came out, that was not a good time for me for that project to drop. All it did was start up feelings for Ashley again, music unfortunately has been an influence in a lot of emotional decisions for me.

Fast forward to winter 2016, Ashley stopped seeing nick, she hmu and things were somewhat back to what they use to be, but I was very unsure, should have been cautious getting back with her. My trust was so uneasy and this was the first time my anxiety kicked in. I couldn’t trust her, I couldn’t tell myself anything to try to force myself to trust her and a young Cameron didn’t know anything about letting things fall into place. Me having trust issues in the back of my mind was the first taste of temptations with another girl

So I ended up leaving Ashley myself for the first time for another girl, the other girl wasn’t what I was expecting and I broke things off with her which only made me feel shitty for leaving Ashley in the dust like that. Should I have ever felt bad? Probably not and this is when I found out Ashley was my kryptonite. This was during spring time of 2017 and I unfortunately went back to Ashley, not knowing she was talking to nick again. More shade started being thrown around and one day I found out she’s off island with “family”’to go to the Seattle zoo and nick ended up meeting her down there. A lot was on my mind during this time as I was about to graduate and I should have been focusing on my future but I was too stuck trying to win Ashley back, and then my father had his stroke…..

My father having his stroke opened my eyes to so much, I found out who my real friends and family were, this impacted my family so hard and all I wanted was Ashley at the time and she was with nick. At that time I could tell she did not care about what was happening to my family. So I decided to start doing what I wanted, applied for community college to try out for the basketball team. Injured myself trying to make the team and all I knew at the time was basketball, if I wasn’t playing for someone then idk what I would be doing, so I fell into a deep depression when I wasn’t playing, went to the bank to take cash out from a Wells Fargo account my dad had authorization for and long story short my father robbed me of $11k. This made my first year of college very hard, all the jobs were already taken up from other college students and I almost hit rock bottom in January of 2018. Unfortunately Ashley had stopped talking to nick and that made her reach out to me. Me not having a job, no money, need to pay rent etc, Ashley was kind enough to pay my rent for the next several months, I eventually paid her back but it only added fuel to our toxic relationship.

I ended up leaving school, leaving my mainland social life where I was about to start blossoming to go back to the island and work as a garbage man. Ashley and I were ready to start taking things serious again and make things feel somewhat normal. We still had toxic traits and kept taking breaks and splitting here and there, fast forward to February 2019, long story short I ended up walking in on my brother and Ashley kissing. That was the lowest I had ever been, nothing can compare to the pain I felt that night. I almost took my life that night, I hope I never feel that pain again. That shit had me sooooonfucked up guess what, I went back to Ashley a couple weeks later. Yeah fuck me right wtf was I thinking. I was so fucking numb, so hurt, I could’ve cuddled up to the devil I would’ve felt so happy, I think she knew what she was doing trying to convince me to forgive her and it worked, by this time all I knew was Ashley and she was the only person I knew at the time that for some reason would go above and beyond for me, it was a toxic comfort that made it easy for me to go back to her. She didn’t know but I was sleeping in my car for the next 3 months after that shit happened because i couldn’t stand to see my brother at home, yes I was still living with my parents at 20/21.

So as this story continues I won’t go into too much detail, summer 2020 rolled around I was an emotional mess, Ashley broke up with me because she kept catching me talking to other girls, some I had sexual intentions with so it could be an excuse for Ashley to breakup with me because I was too fucked up to break things off of my own. Summer 2020 is when I met Kilee Rogers, her sister was into me at first and we had a stupid love triangle, I did tell Shelbi I was interested in her sister and she was understanding, Shelbi is a very nice person that I hope sticks around in my life. I was too nervous to make a move on Kilee and she ended up with another guy, this unfortunately lead me back to Ashley and at this point I thought for sure my life was going to end with Ashley.

Of course things just kept getting more toxic and eventually I blew up, my mental couldn’t handle it anymore. There was no trust between us, close friends were suggesting me to propose to Ashley on a trip to Miami I was suppose to go with her. Fast forward to august 2022 I have officially emotionally detached myself from Ashley, I haven’t felt alive like this in awhile. I do owe Ashley an apology still for wasting both of our times, I can’t give her those years back and time is the only irreplaceable thing in this universe, that weighs heavy on me, time.

Kilee makes me forget all my trauma, any stress, time slows down when she’s around. I haven’t met someone that could make me laugh like this since my old best friend Patricia. But Kilee is also dealing with trauma herself from past relationships and I feel like rn the timing is perfect. I’m ready for whatever trauma she has, I just need to be patient, play my cards right and let things flow out of my soul. It sucks to see her beautiful soul be wasted by these d bags when I know I can treat her right, I just need one chance to blow her away.

So for whoever ends up actually reading this there’s a lesson somewhere in there. No but actually to whoever reads this, trust that gut feeling, take the risk, be selfish every now and then. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile you might miss it. I love everybody who I’ve crossed paths with in my life because at some point a lesson was learned. I must learn from my past and move on, happier days are coming Cameron, I love you

-Cam💜

[diaqueenunderthemountain]

heyy this is for the queer themed asks - 🍁🔮

also how are you? :)

Hi! Thanks so much for the ask! I’m doing pretty well right now. I just learned that you can keep earthworms as pets and they can live up to 10 years, so that made me very happy. (Sorry for the super long answer, I’m not out to 99% of people I know so this blog is pretty much my only outlet to talk about queer stuff)

🍁 - When did you first realize you were queer?

I guess I kind of always knew I was queer in terms of understanding myself, but I didn’t know I was queer in terms of being part of the lgbtq+ community until a little less than 2 years ago. I didn’t find my current labels until like 3 months ago though.

I always really liked my girl friends (I’m afab) and wanted the strongest/closest friendships with them. I know now that it was queerplatonic/alterous attraction, but back then I thought it was completely normal and everyone wanted to date/cuddle/kiss their friends. I also never really connected the idea of love to a man. I thought romance was a cool idea, but I never really envisioned myself going on dates or ending up with someone. I never has a real crush on guys. My friends would all like someone and to fit in I’d pick a random guy I knew and said I had a crush on him. I never really got the whole idea of romantic/sexual attraction.

Looking back now, it’s so obvious that I was a sapphic aroace, but I thought that I was pretty normal. It never struck me to consider that other people didn’t feel the way about relationships that I did. I just went about living my life and thinking that I was straight and cis. (I also live in a super conservative area and met my first queer friends this year, so it was kind of up to me to learn everything about being queer/queer people existing for myself. That’s probably why it took me so long).

🔮 - What Was the Moment you Realized you were Queer?

I wouldn’t really say I had a “moment” I realized I was queer. I didn’t have a big revelation the first time I had feelings for a girl or anything like that. It was more like a buildup of so many small moments of queerness over my life that when I sat back and looked at the whole thing it all came together and I realized I was queer. It was more of a big reflection than a single moment.

I guess I did have the moment that made me put everything together, though. For context I have these crazy vivid dreams every night, and my memory is pretty good so I remember most of them to tell my friends the next day. (Also I’ve had more times I can count where my dreams literally predict the near future, which is super weird) My dreams are usually the weirdest things you’ve ever heard, so it takes a lot to faze my friends. This one day at a football game, I was probably 6-7 minutes into my dream recap when I mentioned part of the dream was about attending my wedding with another girl (being in relationships with girls was a pretty common element in my dreams, but it wasn’t usually important to go in detail about it for the plot. This dream was kind of an exception. Usually I would just say I was at a fancy restaurant with “Susie” not specifying that it was a date, because it wasn’t necessary for the context of the dream and also I was so not heteronormative that I assumed fancy restaurant equated to date no matter the genders). My friends were all shocked out of their minds (conservative area, remember) and I played it off as a joke, like lol couldn’t be in real life, those crazy dreams am I right? I didn’t see what had gone wrong but I knew how to play it safe. I was actually really confused, because I thought that dating a girl would be awesome and didn’t see anything wrong with it. That was when I realized that there was probably something different about me. I had always assumed that anyone could like anyone else, I guess (never something I put a lot of thought into at the time), so the homophobia was new and I figured out for the first time that my attraction to girls (and lack therof towards boys) was not the norm, or even acceptable. I went home that night and just kind of stayed awake and replayed every moment of my life up until then, wondering about what it all meant and what things I thought were normal that other people obviously didn’t. Pretty soon the queer puzzle pieces were coming together fast, and I just needed to learn how to make sense of the picture. This set off a whole journey of self discovery that I won’t really go into here. It did take me a long time to finally work out all my feelings around romance/sex/gender, but I finally found the labels that helped me understand myself and made me feel confident. The thing I got pretty immediately was that the lgbtq+ community existed (!!!) and that I was definitely a part of it. It was such an amazing feeling to realize that there were other people out there like me, and so many ways to discover and define my identity. I guess I would say the moment I knew I was queer was when I first researched about the lgbtq+ community and started learning about all the different identities within it.

#lgbtqia #pride #lgbtq #lgbt pride