#I was expected to parent without actually having any of the responsibilities or ability to discipline and so when things went wrong it was

[warnersister]

How the Peaky boys react when you tell them you don’t want children (and they do) -> headcannon📽️🎞️

Tommy🪖

🪖He almost thought he hadn’t heard you. He was driving you both back from a family event in which his nieces and nephews had attended, momentarily leaving you throughout the evening to bond with the young children and get you accustomed to the toddler-side of motherhood, subconsciously assuming that you winked be pregnant with your first by the beginning of autumn this year.

🪖“So, did you enjoy spending time with the children this evening?” He asked, flicking the dead bluntness of his cigarette out of the window, satisfied with the nicotine intake he had received. “Yes they’re lovely, parents must have their hands full.” You say, agreeing with his comments on their admirability.

🪖He put his hand quite far up your thigh and smirked, taking his eyes away from the dirt road momentarily. “When would y’ like to start trying for one of us own?” He asked, expecting excitable gasps but all he could hear was a deafeningly tense silence as you almost wordlessly rejected his question.

🪖“Well?” He creased his brows. You looked away and out of the passenger reader “I hadn’t put much thought into it.” You speak small and quiet, presumably nervous to hear his response. “Well we can start trying as soon as we get home, how’s that sound?” He suggested, lightly tapping your thigh to which you squirmed in the leather seat uncomfortably. “Tommy I don’t think I want children.” The car was suddenly lurched sideways and you were grateful the road was private so your husband was unable to cause a crash. “You what?” He asked, car now stationary and his body turned towards you; understandably dominating the situation.

🪖“I don’t want to be a mother.” You say again, voice a bit more quiet this time but still trying to maintain your confidence in your decision. Tommy examined your face to try find some humour, that you were joking with him. “What do you mean you don’t want to be a mother?” “Well Ada gave me her child and I just didn’t want to hold it” “her” he corrects. “Her. I don’t have any maternal instincts I felt nothing, no admiration, no desire, no want. All I wanted was for Ada to take her baby away.” You tell him, spinning the wedding ring on your finger and biting your lips nervously. “No one knows what to do, no one knows how to handle children” he says, assuming you’re just scared “it’s normal to be scared or apprehensive. Heard that’s just a part of parenthood” he restarted the engine.

🪖“Thomas-” “we’re trying for our child when we get home and that’s final.”

Alfie🧸

🧸You owned a bakery; where you and Alfie had met - he’d walked in off the street one day and surprisingly, you must’ve been the only person in Camden not to recognise him. You’d simply greeted him with a large grin, excited to get a customer while he chatted with you and admired the adrenaline fuelled step as you dashed around your little shop - enjoying the appearance of your youth, definitely him being notable few years your senior. He’d ordered some treats, you even had some treats to offer Cyril who you’d asked wait outside for hygiene reasons. “This, yeah, this thing love, it’s bloody lovely it is… hands of an angel you have” he’d charmed, praising your baking abilities as he enjoyed your bakes. Admiring the blush on your cheeks as he serenaded you with words.

🧸He’d left that day leaving you with a sum heftier than the goods had actually been valued at and promised to return. And return he did, every day without fail at 10 in the morning to treat himself and his pup, offering reiteratively to teach you to make some Jewish deserts as the religious population in London was growing. Until the day you’d agreed, both in the back while you were simultaneously running out to greet customers and back to Alfie. You were kneading dough when you heard the bell chime “you’ve really gotta get your fingers in love, yeah, I’ll show you yeah” and he’d towered over you from behind you guide your hands through the mixture. Then a baby’s cry. “I’ll be back.” You say, hurrying out to greet your guest.

🧸A woman stood with a newborn in pram, looking over your selection. The baby wailed. “Can I help you lovely?” You asked with a gentle smile, not noticing Alfie leant against the doorway behind you, sleeves rolled up and caked in flour as he watched you engage with the customer. “Yes, I’d like-” the baby cried louder “erm” she was evidently frantic, opting to pick the baby up and try to sooth him.

🧸“Oh im sorry i cant think straight.” She apologised, cringing at the noise from the baby. You inhaled, not believing what you were about to do. “How about you pick something, and eat it in and I’ll hold him for you to give you a rest.” You suggested and he nodded almost too quickly. Choosing a dessert and you swapped the sweet treat for money and the babe.

🧸You bounced the young child on your hip as he cooed, enamoured by the new face and was now too distracted to cry. The mother relaxed into a chair in front of the counter and savoured the moment of peace, eventually taking the sleeping boy back and leaving incredibly grateful, Alfie almost unable to contain his love protruding from his chest as you turned back around to continue baking. “Back to work” you joked, walking past him to continue on the dough.

🧸“You’d be a great mummy, y’know sweetness?” He muttered, suggestively. You huffed slightly. “Perhaps” your lips pursed and he stopped you kneading. “What’s ’perhaps’ mean, poppet?” He asked you. “Well I just don’t think I want to be a mum.” The man laughed, assuming you were joking. “What do you mean you don’t want to be a mum? I’m getting old now treacle, I’ve not much time left to have little ones and I’d want them to be yours.” He said, holding your hands in his as you refuse to meet his pleading eyes. “Maybe. Not yet.” You mumble, trying to return to work.

Arthur🍺

🍺Arthur had Finn on his shoulders, drunk off his head as he happily paraded his young brother around the Garrison as the party of success roared, Arthur having one too many to drink and now easily excitable.

🍺Finn was happily playing along, bouncing on his brother’s shoulders and clapping to the music drowning out in the background, enjoying the attention he was receiving from the majority of the pub’s inhabitants. Arthur saw you watching the ordeal, bounding over to you to plant a smiley kiss on your lips and you reach up to ruffle Finn’s hair, hidden under your husband’s cap.

🍺“Could have one just like this, what d’ya say love?” He asks, grinning ear to ear but expression faltering when he saw the distaste written all over your own face. He gently took Finn off his shoulders who ran over to John, who processed to spin the body around - scolded by his own wife for nearly pulling the undeveloped youth’s arms off his body.

🍺“Our own little one?” Arthur suggests. You shake your head, small smile. “Not when you keep coming home in a state like this.” You say and his face drops entirely now, sobering up enough to understand the ultimatum you were offering him.

🍺“I will not have children when you come home every day too drunk to think. I will not let our child see his mother carry his father up the stairs because he forgot how to use his own two legs.” You say, pecking your husband’s cheek and offering a disappointed smile before you wondered off to find Polly.

🍺Arthur pondered your words for a moment, before pulling you and grabbing you back towards him, falling to his knees as he promised for stay sober, to get off the drink, he just wanted you to bear him a child.

John🥃

🥃You and John had just gotten married, a marriage you were both unaware of until you were knelt at the alter but still - the two of you had just gotten married and the wedding bells were playing. Neither of you could say you were annoyed with the outcome of this arrangement, neither finding the other unattractive and prepared to attempt to progress in this diversion of your lives.

🥃The reception was a grand festivity, dancing, drinking, celebrating and toasting to the pact and ceasefire between two rivalling families with conflicts decades old. You and John had your dance, him whispering sweet nothings into your ears as if he’d known you all him life and you’d just giggled and blushed and required his advanced with a giddy look upon your faces - like two teenagers in love.

🥃As the evening died down and you’d been escorted to your shared accommodation to last you the night, you finally had a moment of peace and clarity to be able to come to terms with the events of the day, after all, a mere 24 hours ago you were a single maiden merely dreaming of your eventual wedding to a man you’d become enamoured with someday, not a gangster peace pact, but there you stood; having assistance unzipping your dress from your husband John Shelby.

🥃He kissed along your shoulders, to your neck, spinning you around to eventually kiss your lips and continue to consummate your marriage. “How many kids you thinkin’ the ? Five? Ten?” He asked as you lay naked in his arms, a hand drawing gentle cyphers into your skin. “None.” You whisper and his drawings halt and he pulls away from you slightly to be able to look right at you. “That’s not gonna work w’me love. Wanna be dad.” He said, studying the expression on your face. “It’s not that I don’t want to be a mum,” you say - averting his gaze but he caught your chin and drew you back to be unable to look anywhere but him. “But,” he encouraged you to continue. “But my grandmother died in childbirth, as did my own mother. And my sister is coming to the end of her pregnancy and it isn’t looking positive for her either. I don’t want to leave my children without their mummy and my husband without a wife.” You almost whisper, voice cracking as tears gathered in your eyes. John drew you in to offer you a tight and reassuring embrace. “Is it hereditary?” He asked after a while and felt your head shake against his bare torso. “I don’t know. Either genetic or just bad treatment.” You stay in silence for a moment.

🥃“But I’d be willing to try if being a dad means that much to you.” You say, peering up to your new husband whose eyes soften at the admittance. “Well I’ll tell you what, if it was bad treatment no woman of mine would lift a finger while pregnant. You’d stay in bed and I’d cater to your every need, carry you to wherever you need to go. Pay for the best doctor and the best hospital to make sure my woman and my child both leave the hospital alive and well.” He leant his forehead against yours. “I’ll take good care of you if you let me.”

Bonnie🥊

🥊Bonnie always wanted to be a father. Be a dad. Raise his children the true gypsy way with his wife by his side - let them in the audience when they’re old enough to appreciate his fights, falsely tussle with them and let them win as he begged them for mercy and heard their victorious giggled. Oh he couldn’t wait for the day you’d bear his umpteenth child. That day couldn’t come soon enough.

🥊And when he joined the Blinders, he’d fallen head over heels for the young florist who worked tirelessly across the road from the Garrison, carrying Arthur home as Harry locked up shop and he’d still see you working on a bouquet you’d needed for a client the following day. He admired your work ethic and the old fashioned part of him couldn’t help but imagine you working as furiously in a kitchen while you tickled your children for interrupting your cleaning. You’d make a fine wife in his eyes.

🥊And against no wish of his own, one day Isaiah had forced the young lad into the shop with a laugh and you’d peered up at him form over the counted, cutting the final stem off of the roses you were working on before asking how you could be of assistance and you’d be lying if your breath hadn’t caught in your own throat, also - seeing him to-ing and fro-ing from the Garrison with the rest of those Blinder lads and finding his look rather endearing.

🥊“How can I help you?” You asked with a stressed but gentle expression on your face. “How much do you make an hour?” He asked. “I beg your pardon?” You retort, eyebrows creasing at the nerve of the man and you began to question whether your initial judgement was correct.

🥊“Sorry, no, I meant how much would it cost me to steal you for a few hours for a date without you loosing profit?”

🥊And the rest was history.

🥊He’d taken you to his fights, to restaurants, to his home with the travellers, even to a couple of family meetings as you’d already been acquainted with the Shelby men buying apology flowers for their spouses for coming home battered and bruised with no contact for a few days.

🥊It was a Tuesday, business was slow but you still had a few orders to finish and being not-bust himself, Bonnie was there to offer a helping hand to his lady. The door chimed but you couldn’t see anyone, confused; you leant over the counter to see a young boy, no older than seven stood there. “Please may I have a flower for my mummy? She’s very sad.” The boy pouted. You hummed. “What flower would you like to give your mummy?” The boy reached into his pocket and pulled out two coins, a button and some lint “whatever flower this may get me, if you please miss.” You nod and hand the boy a small bouquet of daisies with a bow to hold them together. The lad grinned and thanked you, offering you his pocket change and you shook your head. “All you owe me is your mummy a smile.” You say and he promises, running back out of the shop.

🥊Bonnie came up and hugged you from behind, leaving a long kiss on your cheek. “You’re awfully good with children, darling girl” he compliments and you scoff. “Yeah sure.” You roll your eyes and go back to your previous activity. And Bonnie’s dream world came crashing down around him as he realised your intentions.

🥊“What? Don’t want little ones?” He asked, keying as to why you’d be unable to offer him an heir. “No because I can’t deal with sick, I can’t deal with whining, I can’t deal with crying and I can’t even take care of myself for crying out pigs. How do I take care of a child?” You shake you head, as if the man was daft.

🥊“But with our child, it would be different.” He says and you look up at him noting the sincerity and desperation in his look. “Maybe when we’re married or something.” You disregard. He shakes his head. “Why not now?” “I have a flourishing business and I’m not just leaving it all to be a wife and mother and traveller.” You say, inhaling sharply and he frowns. You will come around eventually. He bargains with himself mentally.

Isaiah��️

♟️You and Isaiah were upstairs in the Shelby household, getting a few moments of blissfulness together before the rest of your family returned. Especially your twin Finn, who was still unknowing about the blossoming relationship between you and Isaiah.

♟️Isaiah was kissing all up your body, a starved man delving hungrily at his first meal in weeks, leaving piercing bite-sized bruises in places for his eyes only. Places he’d see when he’d draw you a bath after you’d finished doing the Devil’s bidding in your frequenting sinful tango.

♟️The boy thrust into you at a desperate pace, eager to fuck you out in a matter of minutes and prove just how desperate you could be for him, just how quickly he could make you cum under the pressure from his cock and his thumb rubbing quick circles around your clit, mouth silenced by his own as he kissed you passionately.

♟️He pulled back, clawing his fingers into your hips as though you were trying to get away from him - but if anything you were trying to get closer, go reach that release you so desperately craved. “Going to fuck my baby into you. Fill you full with my child.” He promised, thrusting deep and skilfully. You shook your head. “No Isaiah.” His pace didn’t falter but he looked up at you, grabbing your jaw and squeezing your cheeks as if fucking you dumb. “No?” “No.” You say between smushed cheeks. “Don’t want no kids.”he chuckled. “Too late.” And he continued working on his promise, and you were too high on pleasure to argue any further but when he came inside you it seemed all to real, his hand over your mouth to stifle your cries as you came all over him and him inside you.

♟️“Isaiah I don’t want children.” You say in tears, trying to catch your breath but his weight on top of you was too much and he was still buried too deep, desperate not to waste a drop.

♟️“You’ll bare my children whether you like it or not, doll.” He says, stroking your cheek. “Then they’ll have to let me marry you, won’t they?”

Michael🎱

🎱Michael loved parading his fiancée. He’d proposed in a place so public, so romantic, so endearing… how could you ever say no to your charming Michael?” The rock on your finger was substantial despite the promise you’d made him make to not waste his money on some piece of jewellery, but he’d argued that piece of jewellery showed what was his so he’d have to make his as obvious as possible.

🎱And one afternoon he’d found himself free from any Blinder work, able to take you out and dined you at the finest afternoon tea he could find, drinking as his hand lay comfortably on your thighs as you engaged in wholesome chatter about your future together. Discussing a home in the country, him leaving the family business or at least doing the work needed to be done in the green hills of the Peak District.

🎱“-and you’ll make a lovely mother-” he continued but you stopped him “wait, mother?” You cut him off and he nods, nearly confused. “Well yes. Once we get married you’ll leave your job and I’ll lay for that pretty little house you want and you’ll cook and clean and you’ll bare my children.” He instructed, as if reeling off some old fashioned fairytale his adoptive mother had told him of as a child.

🎱“Michael I don’t want to be a mother.” You say, nearly afraid of him. “Well we can start small. Have one and then we can decide how many more we want from there.” “And if I don’t want more” “then we’ll settle with a son. Raise him.” “And what if it’s a daughter?” You ask. “See.” He grits his teeth. “Already thinkjng about gender. You obviously care. You’re just scared.” “Michael-” “you are my woman. You will bare my children and do your duty as a lady. End of discussion.”

Finn🎞️

🎞️Finn was head over heels in love with you since you’d started working at the Garrison that one evening in late June. Harry had hired you after you’d lied about your age, and at this point you’d guessed he’d figured it out by now: he was a smart man, but you’d ran away from home and this job was the only form of income or stability you had supporting you and this crumbing life you were trying to withhold. Well, that and Finn’s arm constantly around your waist - ignoring your numerous rejections until eventually managing a date with you.

🎞️The young Shelby smirked at you from across the room, enjoying the sight of you limping around the bar - sore from last night antics. You were staying with the Shelby family, in Finn’s room, where he was determined to take your virginity and bed you in some dark, twisted fantasy. Pump you with his heir so you couldn’t deny him once more, plus the thought of you plump with a child was mouthwatering and he couldn’t wait to see it.

🎞️You’d started the evening quickly, desperate to rip each other’s garments of and clothes pray after you’d sinned to the devil, advocating for his anti-christian tango as Finn fucked you fast into the sheets. You’d done it iteratively, falling asleep only to be woken up by the boy kissing down your back only to lazily thrust into you again with tired eyes. He’d done it three or four times, until the morning when you’d woken up, his cock still buried deep in your velvety walls, a mixture of both of yours productions pooling onto his bed as he tried to act as a cork to not waste a drop of his productivities.

🎞️So he thoroughly enjoyed the sight, and the falsely-annoyed side glances you’d shoot his way when you were presented with the opportunity.

🎞️It wasn’t out of the ordinary to see new faces in the garrison, well they came every day; whether they be travellers passing through Birmingham or illegal businessmen there to drink and tussle before being thrown out. It was a nightly occurrence. And you expected nothing less this evening.

🎞️It was eight o’clock in the evening on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffling in other than the Shelby family who had already been seated an hour prior. “What’re you drinking?” An unidentifiable voice asked and you spun go see a man you didn’t recognise, age substantially your senior as he grinned rotted teeth at you.

🎞️“I’m not drinking. I’m serving, however may I offer you Shelby Gin?” You offer, trying to be polite. “I’ll take whatever you’d recommend. I’ll have you if you’re on the menu.” You grimace and poor him a glass, attempting to move on with your shift, unbeknownst to your dance partner seething with rage at the conversation and seeing red fury at a man trying to converse with a Shelby reserved girl.

🎞️He’d asked for a refill, and when you were topping up his drink, he’d reached across the bar to grab your bosom. And before you’d managed to fathom the situation, Finn had lurched across the room and tackled the man, who was laying on the floor clutching his bloodied, broken nose adjacent to Finn who’s knuckles were bruised and dirtied. “How dare you fucking touch her? Touch my pregnant missus? I’ll fuckin’ kill you, y’piece of shit.” And after a few more rough punches and kicks the man was kicked out into the blistering cold of a harsh Birmingham winter, Finn rounding the bar to hug you and calm down slightly.

🎞️Soon everyone was congratulating your pregnancy and asking when the wedding was and after a while you’d managed to pull Finn to the side and question these praises “why did you say I was pregnant? I’m not. And even if I was you know my views, I’m not keeping it.” “I had Polly read your leaves when you had tea this morning. Fucked ya again and again to make sure of it. You ain’t leaving me when you’re pregnant and you certainly ain’t killing my child.” He said, kneeling to kiss your stomach with an evil glint in his eye.

#masterlist #xreader #smut #fluff #warner sister #angst #requests #x you #imagine #peaky blinders #Thomas #Shelby #Thomas Shelby #Tommy #Tommy Shelby #Alfie solomons #Arthur Shelby #John Shelby #Bonnie gold #Isaiah Jesus #Michael gray #Finn Shelby #Alfie #Arthur #John #Bonnie #Isaiah #Michael #Finn #Thomas Shelby x reader

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 4: February

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! Happy (early) Valentine's Day! This would have been out much earlier but I figured since it's February, I would actually release it near the holiday the chapter is actually about. I'm so excited to finally release this into the wild! I'm in the process of working on March but I might take a break to work on some fluffy drabbles/one-shots because tis the season! I'll be back soon with more!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~8.5k (this one is even longer and I'm not even sorry about it)

Your bedroom floor is littered with piles of the clothes you spent the last hour trying on then discarding out of dissatisfaction. You and Hange were expecting company soon and you were standing in just your undergarments while staring into your almost empty closet in disdain. It felt as if you were 17 again, freaking out the morning before a school day because you were not comfortable with any of the fabrics in your wardrobe. You throw your hands up in the air and exhale loudly, thinking to yourself of how hopeless this endeavor was.

With people coming over, you wanted to try and dress up a bit. But in frustration, you opt for your usual wear of jeans and a baggy pullover sweater. Pulling your hair up in two little buns, you just grunt in acceptance. At least you were comfortable, which is the most important factor here. After slipping on a mismatched pair of socks, you pad back into the living room where Hange sat on the floor milling around on her work laptop.

‘Working again?’ You sign at them while passing them to the kitchen. You open a cupboard for a can of black tea. You were told Levi was coming over for the get together and you wanted to make sure there was tea ready. For everyone, of course, not just Levi. Or so you keep telling yourself.

“Just finishing up a couple documents is all. Did you make sure that we had the ingredients for the cookies today?” They mumble from behind the screen, their fingers zooming over the keyboard as they speak. Their eyes flick up at you as you sign a quick yes and they nod in response, shoving their face back into their reports.

You make quick work of the electric tea kettle, pushing the button to get the water boiling before tossing in a couple teaspoons of loose leaves in your favorite teapot. It was a gift from your foster-parents many years ago and it had golden bunnies hopping around on a light teal background. After the kettle shuts itself off, you pour the water into the teapot to steep then place the lid on top gently.

You then set forth to make sure your wipe-off board had fully stocked markers for tonight, placing them on the kitchen bar for you to reach easily. Texting might be faster, but a wipe-off board served better with a crowd of people so everyone could see what you were saying. When you’re satisfied with everything, you then turn to Hange.

It was past two in the afternoon, and they were still in their pajamas with a rat’s nest in place of their hair. Company was due soon and she was still tapping away, so you go up behind them and place your hands on their shoulders gently. She hums in response, not turning to you. You lean forward and place a hand on the laptop, and she stops. They cock their head up to look at you and their glasses glint off the afternoon sun coming through the dining room window. You furrow your brows at them and scrunch your nose.

“Can I help you?” She asks. Nodding, you release your hands to sign to her.

‘You need a shower.’ She purses her lips and averts her gaze.

“I have time, let me just finish this report first.”

‘No, shower first and then come back to this.’

“But-” You cut them off by pinching her cheek, not hard enough to bruise but enough to leave a mark.

‘Don’t make me throw you in the bath, you know I’ll do it.’ You smirk while raising an eyebrow at them. You’re met with an eyeroll, but she saves her work before shutting her laptop anyways. You kiss her forehead from above and then move back so they can stand up.

‘Thanks, don’t forget to wash your ass.’ You laugh silently and she just gives you a disgusted look before heading into her room, laptop under her arm. She flips you a bird before disappearing behind her door. You grin at yourself and then head back to the kitchen to set out some butter to soften.

For Valentine’s Day this year, Hange decided to throw a little party at your shared apartment. You just wanted to bake and watch stupid movies together, but they talked you into socializing. She had said something about today not being just for couples. She wanted to “celebrate singleness”, her words not yours. So of course, you were roped in because honestly, where else would you have to be? But that also meant she had invited quite a few people as well; a few coworkers and Erwin. And with Erwin, the invitation had spread to Miche and Levi. The latter of which you were excited for, no matter how much you told yourself it wasn’t such a big deal.

You smile at how close you and Levi had gotten in the past couple weeks, getting to know each other a little more as the days passed. It mainly consisted of texting each other little things you thought you’d both like or little hangouts at the café after hours. The café meetings were not anything new, of course, but they had a vastly different atmosphere than before. You chalk it up to the friendlier nature and usage of more words around each other.

You preoccupy yourself by pulling out the rest of the necessary ingredients and dishes needed for your baking adventure. One of the compromises Hange had made with you was the allowance of being able to still make your checkerboard cookies regardless of the plans. It was something you had picked up in the last couple years and it quickly became one of your favorite traditions. Hange did not refuse, which you think is mainly because she loved your baked goods and was looking forward to shoving them in her mouth. With that thought, you pull out another stick of butter to make a double batch just in case.

After a while, you place your hands on your hips and nod your head in satisfaction. Your ears pick up the sound of squeaking floorboards coming from Hange’s bedroom which signaled that she had finished bathing. Another noise comes from the front door with someone rapping on the hardwood. When you glance at the clock on the stove, it reads 2:47. Someone was a little early, you think to yourself as you saunter up to the door.

Pulling it open, you’re met with a smiling Erwin holding a small bundle of flowers and a bottle of wine. Miche flanks him with a box of canned beer under one arm, his other out to give you a hug which you run into instantly, making sure to do the same with Erwin. In the last month since their dinner party, it wasn’t just Levi you had gotten close to.

While you were already pretty comfortable with Erwin through your sister, Miche was a confidant you hadn’t expected to have. Throughout the passing days, you found that he was as technologically competent as he was as good of a chef. When he wasn’t behind a computer screen, he was often found sending you obscure recipes through late night text messages that he wanted to try with you.

‘I’m so glad you two could make it!’ You sign to them ecstatically, breaking out into a grin.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Erwin chirps as he winks down at you.

Taking a step back, you lead them through the door with your hand. You peep a quick glance behind them to make sure there was no one else coming. To your disappointment, there wasn’t. You shut the door behind the two men with a sigh. Hange must have talked to them beforehand about the apartment rules because they were quick to pull their shoes off at the door before walking more into the apartment.

You follow them into the living room as you check your phone. No new messages. You had sent Levi a text earlier this morning to see if he was planning to make it, but he had not responded. So, when Erwin places the flowers and wine down on the kitchen counter, you step up next to him to get his attention.

‘Thank you so much for bringing these.’ You hesitate for a moment as he looks down at you patiently. ‘Is Levi still coming?’ You stare up into his bright eyes, his lips twitching in amusement at your question.

“Yes, he is just running a little behind. He had a stop to make before making his way here.” He pats your head and you just blush. But you feel immensely better, knowing that Levi was coming for certain. To not waste the tea you’ve made, of course, you remind yourself. You grab the bouquet of flowers and take a big whiff of them, relishing the sweet scent.

Bending down into a counter beneath you, you grab a vase and get to work trimming the stems so you can place it on the dinner table. Miche is quick to place a couple of his beers in the fridge along with the wine Erwin brought so they would be cold for later.

‘What kind of beer did you bring?’ You sign towards Miche, Erwin translating for you.

“Oh, definitely not something you would like, even if you did drink. I saw it at the store and had to try it though. There’s peanut butter in it apparently.” Miche tilts his head towards the fridge. You make a grimace at him, and he chuckles.

“Hange had said to BYOB but I can’t imagine just having beer would be great, so I elected for something sweeter.” Erwin furrows his eyebrows at the very idea.

‘You do know BYOB doesn’t just mean beer, right? It’s just a figure of speech.’

“Wait, really?”

Just then, Hange comes out sporting a towel wrapped on their head as well as a t-shirt and jeans. They chose to go for the comfortable yet casual look too. She grins widely at the new company and runs to give them both a big hug as well.

“You guys made it!” She shrieks.

“We told you we would.” Erwin’s deep timbre responds back nonchalantly.

“Yeah yeah, but I still worried I ran you off with how much I talked about it. We’re going to have so much fun today!” Hange starts chattering away about the plans she had made for everyone. You giggle to yourself as you listen to them talk excitedly.

Since you weren’t one for alcohol, you always ended up as the mom for everyone, doubly so for your sister. She may be 5 years older than you, but you always felt like more of the responsible one. You didn’t mind it though. You figured it was a good payoff for everything else she does for you on a daily basis. Suddenly, another knock from the front door echoes down the hall and you’re quick to throw the metal bowl you just grabbed from the shelf down onto the counter before running to see who it is.

Much to your dismay, it’s not Levi. When you pull open the door, you see three people; Moblit Berner being one of them, whom you have seen many times since your move here. Hange’s coworkers are all carrying their own vice for tonight in their arms.

You give them a small smile in welcome and Moblit offers a friendly one in return. The two companions behind him consist of Nanaba, someone you have only met twice in passing, and another man, someone you have never seen before. You eyeball him apprehensively as you wave to Nanaba in hello, to which she does the same in response.

“Oh yeah, Onyankopon,” Moblit turns his head over his shoulder to refer to the man. “This is Hange’s little sister.” He says kindly. You wave at the stranger, still wary. The man named Onyankopon is very tall and broad chested with a crew cut that faded up his head. He gives you a big smile that warms up his entire face and speaks to you in a velvety tone.

“It’s nice to officially meet you. You know, your sister talks a lot about you.” His chocolate eyes are even warmer than his demeanor, and you can’t help but grin back at him with a blush, deciding he was okay. You side-step so they can funnel into the door. Your eyes linger down the hallway without meaning to, hoping to see a raven-haired man stalking up to the door. But it remained empty, so you shut it with another sigh and turn back to the ever-growing crowded apartment.

The company sat in various places in the living room while idle chatter filled the space. Some even opted for the floor, Hange being one of them. After a while, you had to remind your sister to take off the towel she had wrapped around her head because she was so engrossed in her conversation that she didn’t even notice it. It had dried for so long that her hair was even more frazzled than before. You just shook your head at her in amusement.

You make yourself busy with the cookies while everyone converses, the noise turning into buzzing. The living room was so cramped with bodies that you could barely breathe, so you found great solace in the kitchen. At this point you had donned on an apron that had floral designs vining their way to the top. It was an attempt to keep the inevitable mess from splattering on to you. While you loved to cook and bake, you were not neat about it in any capacity, but you found that to be the fun of it.

After turning the mixing bowl on to blend the sugar and butter, you turn to your now cold teapot and sigh. It had gone cold, but you hate to waste it; you decide to pour it into a sealable cup to make iced tea with it later.

You start to juggle the choices of either starting a new pot now or waiting until everyone has arrived when your ears perk up at another knock at the door. Your heart now racing at who it could be, you stare out to the living room over the half wall to see if anyone heard but no one had even turned their head. You shut off the mixer then wipe your hands on your apron as you make your way to the door. Taking a deep breath, you pull it open effortlessly.

You can’t keep your face from breaking out into a grin when your eyes fall on the short man with a deadpan expression standing in front of you. Levi. Furlan is there as well, waving at you from behind his friend. You mouth a ‘Hi’ to them both, barely containing the giddiness from the present company.

“Sorry we’re late. Not only did this jerk decide he was tagging along, but he also spent an ungodly amount of time getting ready.” Levi’s gruff voice speaks out to you as he tips his head to Furlan. You meet his soft gaze, and he winks playfully. Levi was wearing a snug, black long sleeve with even darker denim jeans. Your stomach flips as you force yourself to stare into Levi’s metallic eyes.

Waving them in the door, they follow suit and take their shoes off to place next to the pile already sitting by the door. Levi scoffs, no doubt annoyed by the messiness. You’re suddenly hyper aware of how dirty the apartment must look compared to his. After shutting the door behind them, you spin around and almost run right into Levi. You gasp in surprise and step back right into the door with a ‘thud’. Furlan was long gone, and you can hear his playful voice reverberating down the hall as he introduced himself to the rest of the company.

“Are you okay?” Levi asks, concern lacing into his deep voice. You laugh at yourself silently as he eyes you carefully. You nod and wave your hands dismissively at him to show you were indeed okay.

“Mm. I bought these for tonight. Where can I put them?” He shifts three large bottles of various sodas in his arms in awkwardness. His eyes avert from you as he speaks. You stare stunned for a moment as you realize he must have bought them specifically for you. Noticing you haven’t moved, his eyes shift back up to you with an eyebrow raised. Cracking a smile, you nod. The flips in your stomach hardly cease as you tip your head forward to signify where the kitchen was, passing him as well to lead the way.

After he places the bottles in the fridge, he closes the doors, and his eyes widen in surprise at the mess before him. You being you, there was flour everywhere and butter wrappers lie discarded by the mixer. Said mixer was surrounded by sugar from when you missed the bowl earlier. You look away sheepishly as you feel a hard stare at your face.

“Are you a toddler?” He asks, but there is no malice. It almost sounded as if he was amused.

Grabbing one of the wipe-off boards you placed in the kitchen earlier, you pop off a cap and start scrawling. 'Maybe.' Flipping it over to him with a shrug, you see the corners of his mouth twitch.

'Tea?' You point to your cluttered tea station. Levi turns to see an open tin of tea leaves and an empty kettle. He says nothing as he gets to work, doing it all before you can do anything. You gawk at his deft hands as he makes quick work of it all, like he was back in his cafe. Some of his hair fell in his face as his head hung low in focus. After gently placing the porcelain lid back on the pot, he turns back to you.

'You didn't have to do that, you know. I was mainly asking so I could start it.'

"Tch, I was already here. Besides, I'm probably faster at it." You can't argue on that, so you just shrug your shoulders at him again with a slight smile. He leans back against the kitchen counter and studies your face, and you feel your face bloom in heat. You place the board back down on the counter and point to your mess to show you were going to start back on the cookies. Tightening your hair buns, you then wash your hands and get back to work on the mixer, throwing in the ingredients as needed.

After a moment, you hear something rustling behind you and when you glance to the source, you see Levi pulling on the other apron that hung off the fridge. You stare at him curiously and he just tightens the drawstrings behind him as he meets your gaze.

"I'm helping." You hesitate but scoot over in response, and he steps up next to you. Your arms are almost touching, and it takes everything inside of you not to combust. So, you both get to work like that, side by side. The sounds of chatter and laughter from the rest of the group fade out as you both concentrate. You hand him the rest of the ingredients and he carefully pours them in the bowl. When everything is incorporated and set aside, you then measure out the other ingredients for the chocolate portion of the cookies. You don’t see it, but Levi just watches you patiently, admiring your meticulous yet messy way of making sure everything is accurate. When you glance up at him, he looks away quickly.

"Whatcha two up to?" A sly voice rings out after a while. Startled, you both jerk your heads up from the tray you two were placing raw dough cutouts on. It's Hange, leaning on the wall with their chin cradled in two cupped hands. They have a very cheeky grin plastering their face.

"What does it look like, Four-Eyes?" Levi snaps back dryly.

"Well, since you're asking me. It looks like you two are having fun." They wiggle their eyebrows at you and Levi just scoffs and averts his gaze. Your cheeks flare up again because you were definitely having fun, but you weren’t going to admit that. Hange tuts at you two and reaches over to pat you on the head lovingly.

"I just came over because you were both ignoring our calls." Looking over their shoulder, you see Erwin eyeballing you and Levi with a raised eyebrow. He takes a sip of his drink and looks away to keep talking to Moblit and Onyankopon. Nanaba, Furlan, and Miche broke out a deck of cards and are in the middle of a game of Poker.

'Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.' You sign to her, frowning.

"No worries, we were just wondering if you guys were hungry. We were thinking of pizza!" They clap their hands excitedly. They were always thinking of pizza, you laugh to yourself. Hange loves pizza so much that even the mere mention of its cheesy goodness would summon them right then and there. Your stomach rumbles just thinking about it as well, so you nod.

"I could eat." Levi states as he lifts his teacup to his lips, three fingertips on the rim. Him doing so reminds you of the cup Levi had poured for you that you had left to get cold. You lightly touch the sides of it, and it still feels warm. As you take a sip, you’re hit with the boldness of the leaf blend you had chosen as well as a perfect amount of sweetness. ‘Levi makes the best tea’, you think to yourself.

"Perfect, I'll get those ordered. We'll just stick to the basics, yeah?" She pulls out her phone and starts dialing the nearest pizza place while walking away to join everyone in the living room. Levi picks up the couple of trays filled with raw cookies and slides them into the pre-heated oven. When he turns around, you can't help but silently chuckle as you take a closer look at his face for the first time since you both started your venture.

There is a streak of cocoa powder on his forehead that starkly contrasts on his pale skin. You point to it and your shoulders bounce in silent laughter as he brings a hand up to it to rub the spot. His eyes go wide as he notices the brown powder that is now staining his fingers. He grabs the towel you had draped over the dishwasher to wipe it away, his ears turning pink. He turns away from you as he does.

You eye Levi as he folds the towel neatly and puts it back where he got it from, huffing under his breath. He then starts gathering the dirty dishes and piles them into the sink, tugging on the faucet to rinse them off. While he's busy on that, you begin wiping down the counters with a wet rag. Levi gives you a side-eye and you meet his gaze, giving him a warm smile. He looks away again to focus on a bowl he was currently spraying with hot water. As you stare at him for a second longer, you can’t help but think how well you two worked together.

You grab the board once more and write, ‘Thank you for your help. (:’ before flipping the board over to Levi as he dries his hands on the towel. His eyes trail the words, and he glances up at you with indifference.

“Mm.” He hums. His eyes flick over to the timer that was set on the stove as he leans back against the sink and takes another sip of his tea. The cookies had eight minutes left. It almost felt as if he was reading your mind because neither of you moved with the intention leaving the calm kitchen. When you look over to the living space, you see everyone talking over each other in lively conversation. Onyankopon is pointing at the small fish tank that sat nestled in the corner of the room as he shouts over to Hange, who is in the middle of cleaning off the coffee table.

“Hange, I didn’t know you had fish.” He bends down to take a closer look at the two little fish darting around shifting plants.

“Oh yes, they’re my little babies!” She stands straight up and jumps over to the tank and continues as she points at the respective tetras. “This one is Sonny and this one is Bean!” You can’t help but chuckle internally at your over enthusiastic sister. Ever since you both moved to Jinae, Hange really wanted pets. They had requested a dog, but they were too overwhelming for you. She wasn’t really around enough to be able to spend time with them anyways which meant most of it would fall on to you and you weren’t okay with that. So, you both compromised on her getting a couple fish to start out with and would think about the notion again later. Thus far, Hange has been very content with them and hasn’t asked for anything else.  

“They’re gorgeous, Hange.” Onyankopon compliments as he stares at the tank. Hange slaps him on the shoulder in appreciation and starts rambling off the reasons why she chose tetras and all the research she did on them.

“That’s it, boys. I win!” Nanaba shouts from the dining table, slamming her cards onto the hard surface. Furlan and Miche groan in frustration, the latter rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“I swear you’re cheating.” Furlan sits back in his chair as he places his own hand down.

“I second that.” Miche leans over to stare at her cards and just sighs. Dejected, he gets up and wanders towards the bathroom, almost running into Erwin as he emerges from that same direction.

“C’mon guys, at least I vetoed any betting.” She calls out, smirking as she piles the cards up and starts shuffling them.

“You just did that out of pity.” Nanaba just cackles maniacally at Furlan’s dispirited comment.

“Hange, there are too many men in here.” She twists in her chair to face your sister who turns to acknowledge Nanaba’s complaint.

“Psh, I’ll drink to that.” And she does, holding her drink up in cheers and takes a big gulp. You roll your eyes, but you agree. There were way too many men in your apartment right now. Just then, there’s a knock at the door and Hange stands up quickly, face alert like a meerkat in the African wilderness.

“Pizza!” They yell and then they’re off to the front door, a wad of cash in hand.

At the same time, the timer goes off with a soft beeping and you’re quick to grab the oven mitts to pull the trays out. You gingerly place the trays on the stovetop to let them cool and Levi reaches past you to turn off the oven, his face in your periphery as you glance to the side. His movements waft his scent straight into your nose and you find yourself breathing it in deeply. He smelled of clean laundry with a hint of body wash. It isn’t overpowering in the slightest and you revel in it.

“You two are missing out on the fun cooping up in here.” Someone speaks out behind you two as they walk through the archway to the kitchen. You both jump at the voice and turn to see Erwin holding an armful of empty alcohol containers.

“Tch, it beats being surrounded by a bunch of loud mouths.” Levi counters, turning back to the cookies to inspect them. You reach over to grab the trash can and hold it up to Erwin for him to dump the trash. Hange comes in behind him and places four stacked pizza boxes on the counter next to you. You stare at your sister in awe and sign, ‘That’s a lot of pizza.’

“I know but I didn’t know how hungry everyone was. Besides! Leftovers.” They give another cheeky grin, and you just playfully punch her arm. Reaching up in the cupboard behind you, you grab a handful of plates for everyone as well a cup for you, now realizing how parched your throat was.

“Oi, grab me one too.” Levi asks next to you, so you grab another after setting what you held down first. When you turn to hand it to him, he’s a lot closer than you expected and accidentally hit him in the side of the head with the glass in hand. He doesn’t even flinch. He’s looking up at you with knit eyebrows and a thin line in place of his lips.

“Ow.” You hear Erwin and Hange stifling laughter as they organize the pizza boxes.

You set the cup down and start signing frantically, ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over again. You place both of your hands on his face and tilt it so you could get a better look at the spot where you hit him, filled with relief when you find no visible damage. You’re in such a panic that you don’t even notice his stunned disposition. Your hands feel so warm against his cool skin, and it’s so soft. You realize what you’re doing after a moment and let your arms drop to your side, mouthing an apology and stepping away from him.

“It’s fine. I didn’t realize how long your arms were.” He mumbles as he walks over to the fridge without another word, cup in one hand, his other pressing against the spot where you smacked him. How long your arms were? That was such a weird thing to say. Flustered, you grab the plates and shuffle them over to the counter with the pizza. Now that they have opened the boxes, you get a closer look at the options.

There were a couple cheeses, one pepperoni, and one pineapple. Your eyes light up and you gaze at Hange with adoration, forgetting what just happened mere moments ago. They wink at you then call for everyone to plate up ‘while it’s hot’.

Yes, you ate pineapple on your pizza. It first began as a joke just to spite those who turned it down, but then you found out you actually enjoyed the taste. There was something about the sweet and savory flavors that blended perfectly.

Levi comes over with two glasses and hands one with what looked to be a dark cola to you. You mouth a ‘thank you’ as you watch his face twist in disgust as he eyes the boxes in front of him. “Are those pineapples?” Levi leans in for a better look, eyebrows knit.

“Pineapples?!” Furlan rushes over from the table to look at the pizza, the new poker game forgotten. “Alright, who’s the one who asked for them?” He looks around the room and spots you with your hand raised in the air.

“Oh my gosh I could hug you right now. Pineapple on pizza is the best!” He exclaims. He leans over the half wall to marvel at it and then looks back up to you with a massive smile. Levi clicks his tongue and grabs a slice out of the cheese box then makes his way into the living room. You can’t help but feel sad at the sudden absence.

.

“Okay, okay. My turn. Hange. Your obsession with zombies, what the fuck is up with that?” Nanaba leans on the coffee table in anticipation. Your sister just cackles and sits up straight as they push their glasses up their nose with a finger. There’s a glimmer in their eyes.

“That’s hardly a difficult question. I grew up watching zombie movies and I just need to know how they tick. Like what kind of sorcery goes into making them do the things they do?!”

“Hange, they’re fictional creatures, there’s no science that could ever explain that!” Moblit shouts from next to her, exhausted. Hange just laughs and goes on a tangent about possible ways to make and cure zombies, but you zone out as it’s a conversation you have had with them for many years. Looking around the table, you smile to yourself. Tonight has been such a fulfilling evening for you. Being around familiar faces as well as getting to know new ones brought more joy to you than you expected. Not to mention this ridiculous game you were all playing that made your face ache from laughter.

Miche had come up with a game called “What the fuck is up with that?” as a way to wind down from such a big dinner. Players ask someone something personal about their life and follow it with ‘what the fuck is up with that?’ and if they refuse to answer it, they have to take a drink. It honestly felt like a more cracked version of “Truth or Dare” but it was fun, nonetheless. You, of course, nursed soda in your hands instead of alcohol so you were the most sober one here.

So far, no one was really trashed. Tipsy, definitely; There were some words that were starting to slur. What surprised you the most was Levi’s soberness in comparison to everyone else considering how many times he had to take a drink. It figures that any questions directed to him, he opted for silence. You do, however, notice his cheeks were ever so slightly flushed when you glance at him next to you. He radiated an aura of relaxation, which you can’t help but assume is a rare thing for him. He turns to meet your gaze, not looking away after what felt like a good minute.

“Okay okay, we get it Hange. Enough!” Your attention is snapped back into the present company, and you break eye contact to see Onyankopon laughing and throwing a balled-up napkin at Hange’s face to shut her up.

“Fine, sorry! Hmm…” Their eyes wander on the people sitting in the circle with them until they land on Furlan’s face. “Alright, Furlan. You! You’re single and you’re extremely attractive. What the fuck is up with that?” Everyone’s attention shifts to Furlan’s bright red face.

“What the fuck is up with the singleness or the attractiveness?” His voice sounds an octave higher.

“Well, both, obviously, dumbass.” Nanaba pitches in.

“I well. Uh.” His eyes flicker to yours and then look away just as quickly. “I just haven’t found what I was looking for yet, I guess. And for the attractiveness, I just am?” He shrugs his shoulders and laughs nervously. He takes a sip of his drink anyways as he averts his gaze to anything but the people in front of him.

“Hmmm. I don’t know if I’m okay with that answer, but I’ll let it slide. Okay, you pick the next one!”

“Oh okay, uhh.” His eyes travel around until they lock eyes with you again. “The berry nickname. What the fuck is up with that?” Everyone’s gaze now shifts on you. You realize that Hange had called you her ‘little berry’ in front of everyone but had never really given an explanation. You bite your bottom lip and start scrawling on your board. Everyone waits for you patiently and a wave of gratitude washes over you. They really were a great group of friends.

‘When I was younger, I used to steal Hange’s berries from their parfaits.’ You flip the board, and everyone is silent as they read. They burst into laughter one by one, Hange included. Even Levi’s scarred mouth has an upturn. You couldn’t give the full story because it would be too long for you to write, but growing up in the foster system meant you were deprived of a lot of good things, one of those being fresh fruit. So, when the night came when the Zoe’s officially adopted you and they wanted to celebrate with parfaits, you went absolutely feral. You had never tasted anything like fresh berries before and they quickly became your favorite thing in the world, next to your sister of course.

“You guys should have seen her for the month after that. All she wanted was berries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She prefers strawberries, but we don’t discriminate here. All berries are valid!” She yells, taking another sip of her drink. You laugh silently along with them and start thinking of the next victim. After a few moments, you scribble down what was on your mind. Then you point to Erwin and his eyes bulge at the sudden movement but straightens up anyways, clearing his throat.

‘So Erwin, I notice you’ve been taking my sister out for drinks quite often. Your relationship with them, what the fuck is up with that?” You smile innocently at your sister’s composed face.

“Psh, easy.” He pats your sister on the head and Hange just laughs in response, swatting at it. “You of all people know how fun she is to be around. More so when she’s drunk. She’s a great karaoke partner.” They clink the bottles they had in their hands together and smile at each other. You furrow your eyebrows and stick your tongue out.

‘Boooooooo.’ You write and your sister just shoves your shoulder.

“C’mon, you can’t seriously think there’s anything happening between this,” Hange wiggles their index finger in between her and Erwin. “Like really. We’re definitely not each other’s type.”

Miche snorts and mutters something under his breath but you can’t hear the words. Erwin chuckles and nods in agreement then takes another sip of his drink as he surveys the faces in front of him. They land on Levi and his gray eyes bore into Erwin’s crystal blue.

“Hey Levi…” Erwin has a smirk playing on his lips as he stares at his best friend. “I notice you’ve been smiling when you look down at your phone recently. What the fuck is up with that?” Erwin’s eyes sparkle mischievously. Levi just scoffs but you gawk at him with wide eyes, along with Furlan and Hange. Levi doesn’t smile. Sure, you can always tell when he’s fighting it. But you’ve never seen his curt demeanor break into joy.

Levi narrows his eyes on Erwin then answers with a big swig of his glass, finishing off the contents in it as he continues to stare at his friend. Levi’s face is certainly more flushed than before, the tips of his ears bright red as well. He looks away, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Booooooo!” Hange echoes what you had exclaimed earlier.

“Leeeeeviiii! Are you talking with someone?! I thought you were mine.” Furlan pouts, arms crossed.

“It’s none of your goddamn business.” Levi’s voice is brusque. He gets up from his spot quickly and takes his empty glass to the kitchen.

“What do you mean? I think your friends deserve to know.” Hange sits up on their knees to call over to Levi’s backside.

“Then we’re not friends.” He says and disappears down the hall to the bathroom.

“Is he always like that?” Nanaba questions as she finishes her own drink as she stares down the hallway.

“Yes, it’s very normal for him.” Erwin states matter-of-factly, chuckling at the rise he got from Levi.

“Short and angry. It’s quite the combo.” Onyankopon cuts in, grinning.

You fidget with the wipe-off marker as you think about how he reacted. It wasn’t very surprising to you. Levi is a very private man when it comes to such things. All of the conversations you had with him were still on a fundamental surface layer. You knew better than to ask anything deeper for fear of him shutting you out, like he just did with Erwin’s question. Levi, at least, didn’t sound angry right now, but you suspect it was because it was someone so close to him asking such a question. If it was you… then. Well, you were scared of what he might do from such an intimate question.

“Yanno what, it’s probably about that time I head out. It’s getting pretty late.” Moblit chimes in as he starts to get up from his spot on the floor.

“Whaaat!? We still have one more thing left to do. Besides, it’s literally,” Hange takes a glance at the clock on the wall. “10:30. Just a little longer??” They clasp their hands as they beg, staring up at her friend.

“I must agree with Moblit here, we need to submit our report before the end of this week.” Onyankopon replies as he gets up as well. He squeezes Hange’s shoulder as he speaks with a slight smile. Hange sticks her bottom lip out.

“Fine, fine. But just know, you’re missing out on only the greatest tradition ever: Making fun of stupid romance movies.”

“I wanna do that!” Nanaba cuts in, laughing at the idea.

“Nanaba, we’re literally your ride home.” Moblit calls out from the dining room as he pulls on his winter jacket. Grabbing Nanaba’s as well, he makes sure to pick up the deck of cards they brought and shoves it into her jacket pocket.

“Boo.” She gets up clumsily and huffs. “You two are no fun.”

“What she said.” Hange says, sticking her tongue out again.

“Seriously though, Hange. Great party. We had a really good time.” Onyankopon compliments as he zips up his own coat. At this point, everyone is standing up as they talk to each other. You glance over and notice that Miche is getting ready to leave too.

‘You’re going too?’ You scrawl to him quickly.

“Ah yes, unfortunately IT never takes a break.” He mutters to you solemnly as you go in to give him a tight hug. “Are we still on for next Wednesday?” You nod at him with a cheerful grin. “Great, I’ll see you then.” He ruffles your hair and walks past to say goodbye to everyone else.

After a few more goodbyes, it’s just you, Hange, Erwin, and Furlan standing in the living room. Your sister and Erwin were conversing about what movie to watch as Furlan shuffles up next to you. Levi still hadn’t come out of the bathroom yet.

“I bet he’s taking a shit.” His blasé statement makes you giggle uncontrollably, your shoulders shaking as you do. You hold your hand to your mouth to compose yourself as you give Furlan such a bewildered look. He just winks at you.

“Furlan, I’m going to kick your ass.” Levi’s sharp voice cuts in behind you both and it makes you both jump.

“Hey now, I was just kidding.” Furlan’s voice wavers as he takes a step back. You wave at Levi with a warm smile, but he just averts his gaze and goes to sit down on the sofa, one leg crossed on his knee. Biting your cheek, you go and find a spot on the floor, making sure to put a pillow under your butt for comfort. Hange and Erwin are flicking through a bunch of streaming apps trying to find the chosen movie for tonight.

“Ah okay, I know what we’re doing!” Hange slaps their hands together in finality. Erwin makes his way to the armchair and sits back with a heavy sigh.

“Not my first choice.” He says, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

“Oh c’mon. Everything about it screams bad romance. Plus, it’s the worst out of all of them.”

“Hange, you never cease to amaze me.” Furlan states as he takes the spot next to Levi.

Twilight: New Moon? Really? In your heart of hearts, you couldn’t completely hate Twilight as you were practically obsessed with it in your late teens. But you had to agree, it wasn’t the best out of the five films. It’s like Hange knew what you were thinking because they stare directly into your eyes and wiggle their eyebrows at you teasingly. You roll your eyes, and she chuckles.

“Move it, sis. I’m going for the spot behind you.” Hange slips past you to sit on the couch right next to Levi’s other side. You back up so you’re sandwiched in between Hange’s legs, and you yawn with the added warmth. You had a fleeting thought of not being able to finish the movie before falling asleep. How right you were. You don’t even make it past Bella’s dream sequence, drifting off into your own little world. The smell of clean laundry and musky body wash permeates your senses as you do.

.

Levi isn’t even paying attention to the movie. Even if it was something he was interested in, his focus could not be kept on the screen. Levi felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest as he felt the weight of you leaning against his bad leg. Your soft cheek pressed into his knee while you slept soundly. His joints have been aching for the last hour, but he would sooner touch fire before disturbing you. He couldn’t see your face very well from this angle, but he could only assume how peaceful you looked right now. Your hair is still in buns, but they were much messier than before from the activities of the day, hair falling every which way.

As you sighed softly in your sleep, his mind raced with everything that had happened today. From the ecstatic look in your eyes when you opened the front door to when you had gently cradled his head in your warm hands after hitting him on accident, making sure you didn’t hurt him. He still felt tingles of your touch shooting through his nervous system from that. And making cookies with you, he had more fun than he could admit. You were so meticulous and careful, albeit chaotic in your ways. He found it so endearing.

 Then that damn Erwin asking that stupid question. Erwin knew and still egged him on. Of course, it was you; you were the reason why his heart and stomach did flips whenever he heard his phone vibrate. He wouldn’t allow anyone to know that though, especially you. Not when you already seem so entwined in other people’s lives.

Levi hadn’t missed Furlan’s interest in you. His longtime friend often stated that he wanted to get to know you even more. Not to mention Furlan’s tactless ways of wanting to include you in everything he made plans to do. It seemed as if you weren’t aware of his intentions though, so maybe he wasn’t clear enough. Levi hopes you never pick up on it.

And of course, there was Miche. What kind of relationship did you have with him? Levi didn’t mishear how you had plans with him next week. And the intimate touching? What was that all about? The relationship with Miche did not seem romantic from his viewpoint, but then again.

Levi was never the jealous type, or so he thought. He found that any attention aimed at you ruffled him. What about you made him feel like this? He scoffs under his breath, not able to look away from the back of your head. Hange stops munching on the cookie in her hands and turns at the sound, now noticing you fast asleep on Levi’s knee.

“Want me to take her for you?” They whisper to Levi, shifting to stand up.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you to miss out on prime Eduardo and Beatrice or whoever the fuck these people are.” Levi waves his hand dismissively and carefully gets up, making sure to move your head so it doesn’t flop forward. “Which one is her room?” He asks as he stares down at Hange. They regard him in curiosity but smile regardless.

“The door with the sakuras on them.” Levi nods and bends down to effortlessly pick you up despite his smaller frame, cradling you as your head falls back. You’re deeply asleep at this point, he assumes, because you make no motion from the disturbance. Levi feels the stares from Furlan and Erwin as he steps over everyone to make it to the set of bedroom doors down the hall.

As he delicately places you on your bed, he starts to pull the soft comforter up to cover you but then you shift in your sleep, making him pause. With the confirmation of your sleep-induced heavy breathing, he pulls the blanket up the rest of the way and takes a long look at your soft features. The peace that radiated off your face was something he delighted in. How beautiful you were to him.

On his way out, he steps slowly to the door, being mindful of his surroundings as he goes. He spots a couple of framed pictures that littered your cluttered desk. One catches his eye in particular; It’s a photo of when you were very young, maybe 5 or so. He takes a step forward for a closer look, minding the creaking floorboards carefully. An unsettling feeling runs cold in his veins as he recognizes the family that surrounded you as well as the house in the background. He knew that family and he knew that house, and he came to realize he knew you as well.

A flashback hits him like a brick. One of him and the boy in the photo, your brother, playing outside until the sunset. Of you yelling for him with your small voice that it was time for dinner and that he needed to come home. Of your little pigtails completely askew as you cried after falling on the gravel due to a skateboard accident from when him and your brother tried to teach you how to balance on it. Of him giving you a flower to distract you from the pain and your bleeding kneecaps. Of having to move away because his good for nothing father threatened his mom and Levi had warned him to try. Of you and your family waving goodbye as he stared from the rear window, the view of your tear-streaked face getting smaller and smaller as his mom drove away.

He had forgotten all about you, and it seemed you had forgotten about him. A breath hitches in his throat and he turns to look back at you, your face scrunched up from a dream as you pull the blankets closer. No wonder he felt compelled to you, almost like he needed to protect you. With a soft sigh, he creeps slowly to the door and slips out before shutting it close behind him.

You roll over in your sleep, sighing again, the night of the fire haunting your dreams.

☾ Previous Chapter: January ☾ Next Chapter: March

#Skys blog recovery #this is ported from my old fandom blog chaotic-on-main #I did not steal these I swear lol they’re mine #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #fanfiction #modern!au #fluff #angst #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #erwin smith #hange zoe #levi x fem!reader #aot #aot fanfiction #levi ackerman x you #snk fanfiction #long fic #snk #aot fluff #attack on titan fluff #attack on titan levi #unspoken words #valentines day #heart day

[mashithamel]

Episode 3 spoilery thoughts below (lots of spoilers for the books).

I really love how, even though the show is so changed from the book in many ways, it also feels so true to the books.

- I am really looking forward to the soundtrack release. Amazon will take all my money.

- I didn’t mind “be steadfast” not being included? I noted it, but didn’t really care?

- Nynaeve’s parents!

- Crinsomthorn again, huh. Gonna be a repeated motif this year?

- This has shades of Aginor and is a horribe touch (affectionate)

- Elnore is awesome! As I would expect!

- How on earth would she manage to memorize that long Old Tongue passage after hearing it once?

- Elnore watching her daughter as she is brutally stabbed to death is really overkill. My sister is invested in watching now but can’t handle, like, any violence, so I have to tell her when to turn away. I’m going to have to mute this bit—even I have a hard time with it, and I’ve enjoyed GoT and a couple seasons of Vikings.

- I kind of like how shocking the water dumped over her head is everytime they use it. It seems as much a violantion as the arches themselves. And “washed clean” just seems like wishful thinking.

- Tam!

- Nice to see Natti sober. She’s speaking all of Nynaeve’s worst fears right now.

- I forgot Nynaeve had seen Healing and that it’s been established she can copy any weave after seeing it once. Of course, she isn’t upset enough right now to channel, but it was also spelled out she wouldn’t be able to channel anyway in the arches. I am so ready to see Nynaeve the Healer.

- “How is Rand?” Knife straight to the heart. Invited to stay with Tam until he dies. “I can’t tell you how good it is to see your face.” Wisdom Nynaeve was pretty cool too.

- The fact that she sees the arches as a means to get her people a cure—she isn’t choosing the Tower over them, just what they can do. But Tam calling after her to not leave is even more poignant than Marin in the books, imo.

- Zoe going into the third arch 😭

- This is very a very trippy scene. Rosamund says they are filming something really psychadelic for S3. That’s gotta be Snakes and Foxes, right?

- The lines from Lan here are my absolute favorite from that passage. The “I will hate the man you choose…” is fine. But telling someone she’s as beautiful as a sunrise, as fierce as a warrior? I am fully swooning.

- Red is just not Nynaeve’s color, I think. (Zoe can rock anything, but Nynaeve is not going to wear much red ever)

- Just how empty “you are washed clean of your sins” sounds. “It’s alright, the blood isn’t yours” is not exactly what she needed to hear. It’s properly horrifying.

- A bloody hadori

- I don’t blame her for walking out at this point, and I would have been disappointed if she hadn’t.

- “You’re going to be a woman who’s actually worthy of that title.” Not a fan of book Egwene (actually, she’s my least favorite character—the fact that we share many traits in common has nothing to do with it, I’m sure!), but I look forward to seeing show Egwene come into her own.

- How hard must it be for her to return to the Two Rivers, without any of the kids, and no ability to use Healing?

- I love that Daniel likes filming Lanaeve as much as i enjoy watching this.

- I’ve watched this scene obsessively through gifs as soon as they were available

- “I could come with you.” Taken right from TSR, with the response we’d all like to see in an AU

- They way he holds her, and she just relaxes into him, and he rests his cheek on her head. Swooning some more.

- The pitchers are white, black, and swirl

- See, Darkfriends aren’t entirely evil. They feel bad about things too.

- Aww, Liandrin is legitimately upset. I think she sees a lot of herself in Nynaeve and wanted a mentee.

- They named the girl who gets dragged away by the Seanchan. So we’ll see her in the future?

- The Southern accent is amazingly good. Also some of the soliders have baseball bats as weapons. Will they do anything else to drive home the colonizing invaders are American?

- I wonder who this Seanchan guard is who selects Uno? Egeanin, maybe? I mean, they didn’t have to show her face. Maybe she is a named character?

- UNO!!!!!!!!!!

- The side shot of Uno impaled is deeply disturbing. They split the skin from his lips almost to his ear, and both his mandible and maxilla are fractures. It’s accurate, but holy cow that’s intense.

- I didn’t remember Logain had the Talent to see ta’veren, so it doesn’t bother me at all that he can tell men can channel. Quite frankly, it’s a good excuse for him to be out of the Black Tower later, recruiting.

- Again, I like Rand seeking out help wherever he can find it (Errol with the sword, Logain with the OP). I mean, what else is he going to do?

- Gleeman in a cloak! Branding! Hunt for the Horn!

- Lanfear is remakably up to date on the local lore for someone who was asleep for the last 3000 years. Does Ishy have a crash seminar for them on waking?

- “Your grief is your own.” Too bad the only psychiatrist in the series is evil.

- “Someone I respected.” Liandrin does feel guilty.

- I look forward to Mat rising up and proving Liandrin wrong about every word.

- “It’s not always the most powerful women who write history, it’s the ones who survive.” Ooo, chills. This show is actually going to make me care about Egwene isn’t it?

- The Cairheinin party! I love they included this, and the invitations, and him burning it! And, of course, the red coat.

- This hunt for the horn lie is a great way to showcasse just how horrible upper Cairheinin society is. “One less poor mouth for the rich to feed.” I remember the Tairan Lords are terrible toward poor people, but geez, these guys too!

- Naturally, Selene finds this plot amusing. At what point do you think he’ll catch on that she’s evil?

- Asmodean is going to teach Rand, that’s my prediction. But that doesn’t mean Rand has nothing to learn from Logain. He’s willing to learn from anyone who can teach him, no matter how unconventional.

- Ishy kept trying to get the boys to drink in TAR, right? Is this referrencing that?

- Ishamael making Perrin afraid of the wolf side is genius. A much better reason to be reluctant than in the books. “The more wolf you are the more you’re mine.” Chills.

- Hopper!

- I don’t have a problem with Min being made to work for Liandrin. She’s clearly reluctant. She also has no reason to care about Mat, really, and at least show Min comes across as someone who does what she needs to do to survive. I assume the EF5/Rand will eventually show her something worth staying and fighting for.

- Oh, she is crazy crazy.

- I like how they show the taint on the male weaves.

- And the inn gets set on fire too. They did read the books! Guess that’s the end of the red coat, huh?

- I am in love with Elayne. Seriously, how did that happen??

- I note Nynaeve is wearing mostly blue and green. Lan’s favorite colors on women.

- Fancy Mat and happy Perrin!

- Also nice that it seems Lan may do most of the cooking? Wise choice.

- That hair is…um…a look.

- Mat’s left eye!

- I love that Nynaeve saves herself.

- What more can be said about that ending? Definitely more devastating than in the books. Zoe is amazing. All excellent changes to make sense with the show story/character and move her along, give her the “why” she needs to be at the Tower. Amazing and such great storytelling.

#wheel of time #wot spoilers #wot on prime #wot show spoilers

[cursedvibes]

What are your thoughts on Yuuji as a protagonist throughout the story?

In short, he's the one holding this whole gigantic narrative together. As any protagonist should, really. He might not be the strongest or a leader, but without him the story wouldn't work.

He serves different purposes throughout the story. It starts out pretty standard with him being the vehicle through which the reader is introduced to this new magical world. He gets to make big inspirational speeches and changes Megumi's life. High-energy, fun-loving and a bubbly personality. For shonen and any other kids/ya media that's pretty standard hero behaviour. It's the basis that gets unravelled throughout the story, although he always keeps his core values of wanting to protect people. His outlook towards that goal just gets grimmer. Similarly, he always had those suicidal tendencies and disregard for himself, even in the first chapter. He's scared to die when first encountering curses, but he still pushes through and has a sort of all or nothing attitude.

Despite this being mainly his story and most of the things happening ultimately serve to develop his character, he's very passive and almost becomes a supporting character at times. Things happen to him and he reacts, he rarely gets proactive, always waits for others to tell him what to do. I think this makes sense however. For the majority of the story he is very aimless and is searching for a purpose of his life, hoping that someone (like Gojo and Megumi) would push one onto him. He is also very new to the world of jujutsu and doesn't understand much, so of course he looks for guidance.

The recent possession with Megumi changed things. He came up with ways to save Megumi on his own. He goes to others to tell them about his plan. It's very different to him just doing what the higher-ups tell him to (be it missions or swallowing Sukuna's fingers). Or running around and randomly killing curses or helping Megumi to save Tsumiki. Throughout the Culling Game and his personal encounter with Sukuna he's matured a lot and is ready to take on more responsibility, not just for his death but also the life of others.

The supporting character tendencies are actually quite important. Not only does it show how he harmonizes with other people and relates to them, but it also emphasizes his primary goal of helping people and his disregard for himself in the process. Unfortunately, that can lead to some fans overlooking him and his accomplishments or potential.

I'm gonna talk a bit about his connection to Kenjaku here because I've noticed that people, when talking about Kenjaku's end, will often list Gojo, Yuuta or Geto before even thinking of Yuuji (potentially together with Choso). In a way, I can't blame them because Yuuji's connection hasn't been stated outright as often as in case of Gojo (although here it's more his connection to Geto), but Kenjaku is the primary force, the source of all his problems, since chapter 1. They are indirectly responsible for him swallowing Sukuna. They are responsible for him growing up without parents. They give him his first purpose, the ability to become a cage for Sukuna. They are the one who hurt Yuuji the most. It is only fitting that Yuuji is the one to confront them and sever himself from everything they have put on him.

You could say the main character killing/defeating the main villain is clique, however Yuuji rarely gets considered the main character in his own story. This outcome seems so obvious and yet not many seem to think of it. I don't expect him to go up against them alone, that wouldn't be in line with his character and style of fighting, although I do expect (or want) at least one personal conversation between the two of them. I could see Choso and Maki working very well as his supporters. Choso because of his family connection and Maki because for one, we've seen that she works very well together with Yuuji, but also, she's the exact opposite of the world Kenjaku wants. Zero cursed energy. Unfortunately, we didn't really get into it with the Yuki vs Kenjaku fight, but this would be an opportunity touch on that aspect again. Even if Maki lacks the vision of Yuki and she alone can't bring about a world without cursed energy. It would still be meaningful and there is tension about who would manage to win. Anyway, my point is that Yuuji should fight Kenjaku.

We will see how Yuuji will develop in the future and what kind of end he will have. I have to say, I will be very surprised if it's a happy ending. He might not die, but he has already lost so much - as you can see by his scars - that an ending where everyone comes together and holds hands just to pair off into neat heterosexual couples (as is shonen tradition) seems impossible.

#sorry this took forever to answer I just didn't have the time to sit down and sort out my thoughts for a while #hope this is somewhat coherent and makes sense #asks #itadori yuuji #jjk spoilers

[thenicestthingiveseen]

Prompt- I’m the necromancer and you’re the dead guy in the museum that I accidentally brought to life

in which the Weasleys are "witches". (or, "were" witches once upon a time if you have Arthur tell it)

“In my defense,” Gideon starts. “I didn’t think it would actually work. I mean, seriously, who keeps a dead body in a museum?” It’s a weak excuse and he knows it.

The three - well, four - of them are standing in a circle, just staring at one another. 

When he’d managed to nick the keys from Filch, the night watchman, Gideon expected to horse around with his sister and their friend and run through the different archives. But suddenly, their party of three turned into a party of four (although she’s not fully human, Gideon is counting her presence fully) and it is not how Gideon expected to spend All Hallows Eve. It was meant to be a stop on their night of spooky activities – what’s a cheeky séance between friends? It wasn’t supposed to work, his father swore his powers were dormant at best and very weak at worst. Centuries of evolution and blood dilution had rendered their family’s powers somewhat useless in this day and age. Their mother considered it a blessing, people didn’t look too kindly on witches these days, especially witches who tended to harness powers on the darker end of the spectrum; like Gideon and his older sister Penelope - the two of the most likely to possess some sort of mediumship compared to the rest of their family. Turns out, Gideon’s powers are potent or potent enough, and now a beautiful young girl is standing in front of him and he’s lost all further cognitive ability.

“So,” Rowan draws out the vowels as she surveys the specter before them. “What do you suppose we do with it?”  The ghost looks a lot like the girl from the fairy tale that their mother used to tell them when they were kids. A princess held captive by her evil relatives, waiting for her parents to return, who has a mad King determined to kill her to maintain his claim to a throne that’s rightfully hers. 

“Not call them, ‘it’ for starters,” Hector mumbles under his breath.

“Do something.” Rowan hisses at Gideon and it shakes him out of his stupor. He blinks slowly - brown eyes locked on eyes that might’ve been blue or green in another life - and has to drag himself away from her to look at his sister. Confused as to what she expects him to do. This was supposed to be fun. How was he to know that ghosts lurk in places that aren’t crypts?

He pauses for a moment before turning back to the girl and he’s already asking her her name without any consideration for whether or not she can even utter a response. Because, it would be embarrassing if he was able to call a ghost back, but managed not to be able to get her to speak. His thoughts are interrupted by a barely whispered, “Hallie”.

Rowan and Gideon look at each other with matching looks of surprise and concern. Oh.

#hinny #writing #prompts #displayheartcode #fic

[strawberry-cowmilk]

Hi hi hi, um, can you do a GN!MC who's like Al/Koko from Pokémon the Movie: Secrets of the Jungle, Or Razor from Genshin Impact? Like an MC who's parents died and was raised by Wolves or some creature, and Solomon as MC's childhood friend and the one who taught MC.. "Human Stuff"?? Like the language/vocabulary and how to walk on 2 legs (bc MC was taught to walk on all 4s by the wolves/creatures), can I have this with the brothers, dateables and luke? Like their reaction on MCs past and how Solomon was the one who taught them stuff, thank you!!

Hi, anon! Thanks for being patient, here's your request! I hope it's what you had in mind

the obey me cast with a mc who had to learn 'how to human'

-> brothers and side characters x mc (luke platonic)

mc is reffered to by they/them pronouns once, not proof read

content warnings: mentions of dead parents

-----

Lucifer

he knew about your past before you met

it was in your files for the exchange program and all

when he first read about it, lucifer wondered how and why some wolves decided to raise a human, last time he saw something like that was when he heard about roman myths

Mammon

at first he didn't really care, because you're just a human and he can't make money off of some human

but when he got closer to you, and started to fall in love, mammon started to mildly resent solomon

it's not fair he gets to be so close to you! you're his human

Leviathan

some human who grew up around wolves? they certainly didn't hear of anime then, therefore levi shall keep his distance

but you don't share that same mindset, you kept trying to make your way into levi's room until he decided to give you a chance

now he talks about his hobbies with passion to you, and he doesn't like it when solomon comes near you

Satan

he's only heard about things like that happening is fairy tales and mythology, so he's quite interested in hearing about your past

when you told him solomon taught you 'how to human', satan got worried you might be a terrible cook as well

'mc, were there any cats around when you were growing up?'

Asmodeus

there's a good chance asmo already knew you because of his pact with solomon

but now that you're here, he's excited to teach you about, in asmo terms, proper self-care, he knows solomon didn't teach you that, his skincare routine is tap water

solomon has to stop asmo from going overboard though

Beelzebub

he was sad when he first heard about your situation because you were just a baby without parents, those wolves deserve a golden medal

but you seem perfectly fine, and you act like the average human to him

beel's respect for solomon increased when he found out said sorcerer helped you understand the human world

Belphegor

his past fascination with humans comes back up for a moment

your whole story sounds like something straight out of a fairy tale, he wants to know more but belphie will never ask you about it himself

he really hopes solomon didn't teach you how to cook, belphie doesn't have the energy to fix that damage

Diavolo

he also knew already because it was in your files

diavolo was excited to place such an unique human in his exchange program, and you already knew solomon so that's great too

sometimes diavolo texts you random questions about your past late at night

Barbatos

same as asmo, he already knew you because of his connection to solomon

barbatos has a ton of other priorities and responsibilities, so he doesn't really talk to you much

but when you do speak to each other, he's really happy to listen to your stories, plus he's willing to undo whatever destruction solomon caused to your ability to cook if needed

Simeon

it left a bitter taste on his tounge when he found out your parents died when you were so young

but you seem okay, solomon did a good job looking after you

simeon actually instantly likes you, expect to get invited to a bunch of dinners

Luke

your backstory reminds him of the bedtime stories simeon used to tell him, were they about you all along?

like the other angel, luke likes you instantly, congratulations on your new little brother

he also lowkey wants to meet the wolves who raised you, from what you told him, they seem really nice

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me scenarios #obey me swd #obey me imagines #gn!mc #obey me brothers #obey me side characters

[namelesspastel]

Once Bitten....: Chapter 1

Hello! I'm Pastel, a Sasaki to Miyano fanfic writer. You can find me on AO3 under namelesspastel. This is the first chapter of one of my (personal) favorite stories I've written. Enjoy!!

In this world, vampires exist. No, they don’t exist like they do in the movies or in fiction, but they are real.

It’s been found that via modern science that rather than being bitten or something along those lines, vampires are actually just humans that go through a genetic mutation in the womb. Whatever mutation that is, causes vampirism; the need to drink blood to survive, a slow aging rate making them seem almost immortal, sensitivity to sunlight and heightened physical and mental abilities. Pure-blood vampires always need to drink blood directly from a living being in order to survive.

There are two ways vampires come to exist; a vampire is born between two vampires and a vampire is born between two humans – the baby have mutated before birth. These vampires are considered pure-blood vampires, and the older the vampire linage, the more pure they are considered.

The other way vampires come into existence is by a human and a vampire having a child. The child has about 50/50 chance of becoming a human or vampire, the with the first stages showing in young childhood – approximately around three to four years old. The child will typically show one of the following signs: a need for blood, heightened sensitivity to sunlight, or remarkable athletic and academic prowess. If any of those appear, there’s a good chance the child is a half vampire, a dahmpire, a creature that can live off of both human food and blood.

Some dahmpires need more food than blood and some need more blood than food. Some can take in blood packs, some need it directly from the source. They might not be as athletic or as smart as a pure-blood but they typically do better than humans. They also aren’t as sensitive to the sun as pure-bloods. But no vampiric person is a morning bird.

There are some cases – very, very few – in which a person with a human parent and a vampire parent doesn’t awaken in the early stages of childhood and rather, awakens in the early to late stages of adolescence….

My name is Yoshikazu Miyano, I’m a third year in middle school and I just got my first craving for blood.

***

I knew that there was a chance I could become a vampire – my father is one after all – but having gone through all of primary and almost all of junior high without a single inkling of wanting blood or any of the other signs (aside from being a night owl but I am a teen in junior high, that’s normal), I thought I was in the clear.

But all that came crashing down when one of my classmates cut themselves on some paper. It wasn’t a serious wound, but did it bleed. And all I could think about was how it would taste.

Needless to say, I freaked out and went home early that day. Despite my parents best efforts, I’ve been stuck in my room since. That happened at the beginning of July. It’s almost September now and I still haven’t stepped foot in my school.

I spent my time reading manga and surfing the net. While I was idly looking through some blogs, I came across one that had a band I recognized from a drama I had watched recently. The blog itself was simple, it wasn’t very eye-catching and to be honest, the person running the blog didn’t seem that interested in posting daily, but their posts when they did make them really showed just how much they enjoyed music and the bands they were writing about.

Working up my courage after a few weeks of checking the blog out, I made an account and posted a comment. It hadn’t been anything serious, just a simple comment saying how I had come across the band myself. I hadn’t expected a response and yet, within an hour of me posting that comment, I got an email saying there had been a reply. I was curious and checked and found that the owner themselves had responded to my comment. They had responded enthusiastically about the drama and asked if I had heard any of their other works. And just like that, I started regular contact with the owner of the blog.

We only talked through email, but I did learn a few things. They were my senpai, a year older so a first year in high school. They had started the blog simply because their friends had said they should. Apparently their friends said they needed a hobby and music was something they already liked so it was easy enough. One of the reasons they had replied to my comment was because I was a name they hadn’t recognized. Most of the people who left comments were their friends from school who knew about the blog or bots.

I told them about how I had stopped going to school since July and how I was afraid of going back. It was easier to tell a stranger, someone who I couldn’t see physically, and get across my true feelings about the matter. I didn’t ever bring up the whole dhampire thing though. While vampires were accepted in society as just commonplace, I was still struggling with the fact that I was one now. I played it off as simply a form of anxiety, which in a way it was.

Hmm… that does sound tough. I get that though. It can be hard to return after making a scene like that. Kinda like a you missed your moment kinda thing. Did you talk to the person from school? Get their opinion on it?

No… I never thought to reach out. I was just so freaked out, I hadn’t even thought about what my reaction was like to them…

Were you close?

Hmm… I wouldn’t say we were close but they sat next to me in class. We talked sometimes. They were in the art club and asked me to model for them a few times. I turned them down, though.

Ooh? Could I actually be talking a beauty this whole time without knowing it?

No comment.

ww don’t worry about it, I’m kidding. Anyway, since you stopped going to school, I’m assuming that means you aren’t thinking about high school?

… I don’t know. I mean… I do want to go to high school but… what if the same thing happens again? What if someone gets hurt and I freak out again? I’m scared I won’t be able to stop myself…

Well, I can’t tell you not to worry about it. But maybe it might be good? A change of pace. A different school with a different set of people. If you pick one that’s kinda far away, there’s a chance that people from your school won’t even go there. Or maybe you can pick one of those all one gender schools? That way even if you did run into someone, at least you’d know you’d be on the same level.

“Huh…” I said softly, reading senpai’s message. I hadn’t thought of that. An all boys school a bit far away… there was one that I’d had my eye on. It was about three stations away, and also allowed students to live in dorms. If need be, I thought I could ask my parents to let me stay in the dorm but with my awakening the whole idea of high school had been thrown out the window. But maybe they were right. A change of pace might be a good idea after all.

“But can I even get into high school anymore…?” I pondered aloud. My grades had been good enough before I stopped going to school but I wasn’t sure if I could keep up now. “Hmm… I wonder if this awakening would help me with that… but if I’m serious about this I should probably–” I was cut off by a knock at my door.

“Yoshi-kun?” My mom called, slowly opening the door and peeking inside. “Do you have a moment?”

“Sure. What’s going on, mom?” I asked, closing my laptop and focusing on her. She nodded and came in, sitting on my bed beside me.

“Well, your father and I have been discussing some things… do you still want to go to high school? Or would you rather just stop at middle school? As long as you have your compulsory education, it should be fine but…” She paused and took a breath before giving me a soft smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come off like I was a pressuring you.”

I shook my head. It was fine, I knew my extended absence from school was probably causing my parents a lot of stress, even if they did understand what was going on.

“Anyway, we’ve been discussing things like I said and we came across some schools that are specifically for vampires. While you might only be a half, I don’t see why they wouldn’t let you in. Your grades from before were a little on the low side for this type of school but if you attend cram school, I think you’ll just about make it…” She said, shuffling some papers she had in her hands. I hadn’t noticed them before and a quick glance told me that they were brochures.

“Actually mom… I’ve been thinking about it and…”

***

Senpai! Sorry I haven’t been responding lately. Things have been a bit hectic. Thanks to your advice, I talked to my parents and decided to go to high school! For now, I’m just going to attend cram school – kind of as a way to play catch up and see where I am. Depending on how that goes though, I think I might actually return to school. I’m still kind of scared if I’m being honest...

Hey! Long time no speak! That’s great about you moving forward, I’m glad I could help, even though I don’t think I did much ww as for the whole returning back to school thing… I think it’s really brave of you. Really. From what you said, that moment was really scary for you but it seems like you’re doing better now. I think if it’s you, you’ll be able to do it. Actually, I don’t think, I know.

… thank you, Senpai. For everything up until now. Um, I’m going to be busy now but is it okay if I still message you from time to time? It… it really helps.

Of course! Message me whenever you feel like. It can be about anything. I really enjoy our little chats.

If you enjoyed that (or if it just caught your interest at all), feel free to read the rest here!

#sasaki to miyano #sasaki and miyano #miyano yoshikazu #sasaki shuumei #sasamiya #ssmy #fanfic #writing #vampire au

[chaotic-on-main]

Chapter 4: February

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! Happy (early) Valentine's Day! This would have been out much earlier but I figured since it's February, I would actually release it near the holiday the chapter is actually about. I'm so excited to finally release this into the wild! I'm in the process of working on March but I might take a break to work on some fluffy drabbles/one-shots because tis the season! I'll be back soon with more. As always, if you missed the last chapter, you can find it here!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~8.5k (this one is even longer and I'm not even sorry about it)

Your bedroom floor is littered with piles of the clothes you spent the last hour trying on then discarding out of dissatisfaction. You and Hange were expecting company soon and you were standing in just your undergarments while staring into your almost empty closet in disdain. It felt as if you were 17 again, freaking out the morning before a school day because you were not comfortable with any of the fabrics in your wardrobe. You throw your hands up in the air and exhale loudly, thinking to yourself of how hopeless this endeavor was.

With people coming over, you wanted to try and dress up a bit. But in frustration, you opt for your usual wear of jeans and a baggy pullover sweater. Pulling your hair up in two little buns, you just grunt in acceptance. At least you were comfortable, which is the most important factor here. After slipping on a mismatched pair of socks, you pad back into the living room where Hange sat on the floor milling around on her work laptop.

‘Working again?’ You sign at them while passing them to the kitchen. You open a cupboard for a can of black tea. You were told Levi was coming over for the get together and you wanted to make sure there was tea ready. For everyone, of course, not just Levi. Or so you keep telling yourself.

“Just finishing up a couple documents is all. Did you make sure that we had the ingredients for the cookies today?” They mumble from behind the screen, their fingers zooming over the keyboard as they speak. Their eyes flick up at you as you sign a quick yes and they nod in response, shoving their face back into their reports.

You make quick work of the electric tea kettle, pushing the button to get the water boiling before tossing in a couple teaspoons of loose leaves in your favorite teapot. It was a gift from your foster-parents many years ago and it had golden bunnies hopping around on a light teal background. After the kettle shuts itself off, you pour the water into the teapot to steep then place the lid on top gently.

You then set forth to make sure your wipe-off board had fully stocked markers for tonight, placing them on the kitchen bar for you to reach easily. Texting might be faster, but a wipe-off board served better with a crowd of people so everyone could see what you were saying. When you’re satisfied with everything, you then turn to Hange.

It was past two in the afternoon, and they were still in their pajamas with a rat’s nest in place of their hair. Company was due soon and she was still tapping away, so you go up behind them and place your hands on their shoulders gently. She hums in response, not turning to you. You lean forward and place a hand on the laptop, and she stops. They cock their head up to look at you and their glasses glint off the afternoon sun coming through the dining room window. You furrow your brows at them and scrunch your nose.

“Can I help you?” She asks. Nodding, you release your hands to sign to her.

‘You need a shower.’ She purses her lips and averts her gaze.

“I have time, let me just finish this report first.”

‘No, shower first and then come back to this.’

“But-” You cut them off by pinching her cheek, not hard enough to bruise but enough to leave a mark.

‘Don’t make me throw you in the bath, you know I’ll do it.’ You smirk while raising an eyebrow at them. You’re met with an eyeroll, but she saves her work before shutting her laptop anyways. You kiss her forehead from above and then move back so they can stand up.

‘Thanks, don’t forget to wash your ass.’ You laugh silently and she just gives you a disgusted look before heading into her room, laptop under her arm. She flips you a bird before disappearing behind her door. You grin at yourself and then head back to the kitchen to set out some butter to soften.

For Valentine’s Day this year, Hange decided to throw a little party at your shared apartment. You just wanted to bake and watch stupid movies together, but they talked you into socializing. She had said something about today not being just for couples. She wanted to “celebrate singleness”, her words not yours. So of course, you were roped in because honestly, where else would you have to be? But that also meant she had invited quite a few people as well; a few coworkers and Erwin. And with Erwin, the invitation had spread to Miche and Levi. The latter of which you were excited for, no matter how much you told yourself it wasn’t such a big deal.

You smile at how close you and Levi had gotten in the past couple weeks, getting to know each other a little more as the days passed. It mainly consisted of texting each other little things you thought you’d both like or little hangouts at the café after hours. The café meetings were not anything new, of course, but they had a vastly different atmosphere than before. You chalk it up to the friendlier nature and usage of more words around each other.

You preoccupy yourself by pulling out the rest of the necessary ingredients and dishes needed for your baking adventure. One of the compromises Hange had made with you was the allowance of being able to still make your checkerboard cookies regardless of the plans. It was something you had picked up in the last couple years and it quickly became one of your favorite traditions. Hange did not refuse, which you think is mainly because she loved your baked goods and was looking forward to shoving them in her mouth. With that thought, you pull out another stick of butter to make a double batch just in case.

After a while, you place your hands on your hips and nod your head in satisfaction. Your ears pick up the sound of squeaking floorboards coming from Hange’s bedroom which signaled that she had finished bathing. Another noise comes from the front door with someone rapping on the hardwood. When you glance at the clock on the stove, it reads 2:47. Someone was a little early, you think to yourself as you saunter up to the door.

Pulling it open, you’re met with a smiling Erwin holding a small bundle of flowers and a bottle of wine. Miche flanks him with a box of canned beer under one arm, his other out to give you a hug which you run into instantly, making sure to do the same with Erwin. In the last month since their dinner party, it wasn’t just Levi you had gotten close to. While you were already pretty comfortable with Erwin through your sister, Miche was a confidant you hadn’t expected to have. Throughout the passing days, you found that he was as technologically competent as he was as good of a chef. When he wasn’t behind a computer screen, he was often found sending you obscure recipes through late night text messages that he wanted to try with you.

‘I’m so glad you two could make it!’ You sign to them ecstatically, breaking out into a grin.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Erwin chirps as he winks down at you.

Taking a step back, you lead them through the door with your hand. You peep a quick glance behind them to make sure there was no one else coming. To your disappointment, there wasn’t. You shut the door behind the two men with a sigh. Hange must have talked to them beforehand about the apartment rules because they were quick to pull their shoes off at the door before walking more into the apartment.

You follow them into the living room as you check your phone. No new messages. You had sent Levi a text earlier this morning to see if he was planning to make it, but he had not responded. So, when Erwin places the flowers and wine down on the kitchen counter, you step up next to him to get his attention.

‘Thank you so much for bringing these.’ You hesitate for a moment as he looks down at you patiently. ‘Is Levi still coming?’ You stare up into his bright eyes, his lips twitching in amusement at your question.

“Yes, he is just running a little behind. He had a stop to make before making his way here.” He pats your head and you just blush. But you feel immensely better, knowing that Levi was coming for certain. To not waste the tea you’ve made, of course, you remind yourself. You grab the bouquet of flowers and take a big whiff of them, relishing the sweet scent. Bending down into a counter beneath you, you grab a vase and get to work trimming the stems so you can place it on the dinner table. Miche is quick to place a couple of his beers in the fridge along with the wine Erwin brought so they would be cold for later.

‘What kind of beer did you bring?’ You sign towards Miche, Erwin translating for you.

“Oh, definitely not something you would like, even if you did drink. I saw it at the store and had to try it though. There’s peanut butter in it apparently.” Miche tilts his head towards the fridge. You make a grimace at him, and he chuckles.

“Hange had said to BYOB but I can’t imagine just having beer would be great, so I elected for something sweeter.” Erwin furrows his eyebrows at the very idea.

‘You do know BYOB doesn’t just mean beer, right? It’s just a figure of speech.’

“Wait, really?”

Just then, Hange comes out sporting a towel wrapped on their head as well as a t-shirt and jeans. They chose to go for the comfortable yet casual look too. She grins widely at the new company and runs to give them both a big hug as well.

“You guys made it!” She shrieks.

“We told you we would.” Erwin’s deep timbre responds back nonchalantly.

“Yeah yeah, but I still worried I ran you off with how much I talked about it. We’re going to have so much fun today!” Hange starts chattering away about the plans she had made for everyone. You giggle to yourself as you listen to them talk excitedly.

Since you weren’t one for alcohol, you always ended up as the mom for everyone, doubly so for your sister. She may be 5 years older than you, but you always felt like more of the responsible one. You didn’t mind it though. You figured it was a good payoff for everything else she does for you on a daily basis. Suddenly, another knock from the front door echoes down the hall and you’re quick to throw the metal bowl you just grabbed from the shelf down onto the counter before running to see who it is.

Much to your dismay, it’s not Levi. When you pull open the door, you see three people; Moblit Berner being one of them, whom you have seen many times since your move here. Hange’s coworkers are all carrying their own vice for tonight in their arms. You give them a small smile in welcome and Moblit offers a friendly one in return. The two companions behind him consist of Nanaba, someone you have only met twice in passing, and another man, someone you have never seen before. You eyeball him apprehensively as you wave to Nanaba in hello, to which she does the same in response.

“Oh yeah, Onyankopon,” Moblit turns his head over his shoulder to refer to the man. “This is Hange’s little sister.” He says kindly. You wave at the stranger, still wary. The man named Onyankopon is very tall and broad chested with a crew cut that faded up his head. He gives you a big smile that warms up his entire face and speaks to you in a velvety tone.

“It’s nice to officially meet you. You know, your sister talks a lot about you.” His chocolate eyes are even warmer than his demeanor, and you can’t help but grin back at him with a blush, deciding he was okay. You side-step so they can funnel into the door. Your eyes linger down the hallway without meaning to, hoping to see a raven-haired man stalking up to the door. But it remained empty, so you shut it with another sigh and turn back to the ever-growing crowded apartment.

The company sat in various places in the living room while idle chatter filled the space. Some even opted for the floor, Hange being one of them. After a while, you had to remind your sister to take off the towel she had wrapped around her head because she was so engrossed in her conversation that she didn’t even notice it. It had dried for so long that her hair was even more frazzled than before. You just shook your head at her in amusement.

You make yourself busy with the cookies while everyone converses, the noise turning into buzzing. The living room was so cramped with bodies that you could barely breathe, so you found great solace in the kitchen. At this point you had donned on an apron that had floral designs vining their way to the top. It was an attempt to keep the inevitable mess from splattering on to you. While you loved to cook and bake, you were not neat about it in any capacity, but you found that to be the fun of it.

After turning the mixing bowl on to blend the sugar and butter, you turn to your now cold teapot and sigh. It had gone cold, but you hate to waste it; you decide to pour it into a sealable cup to make iced tea with it later. You start to juggle the choices of either starting a new pot now or waiting until everyone has arrived when your ears perk up at another knock at the door. Your heart now racing at who it could be, you stare out to the living room over the half wall to see if anyone heard but no one had even turned their head. You shut off the mixer then wipe your hands on your apron as you make your way to the door. Taking a deep breath, you pull it open effortlessly.

You can’t keep your face from breaking out into a grin when your eyes fall on the short man with a deadpan expression standing in front of you. Levi. Furlan is there as well, waving at you from behind his friend. You mouth a ‘Hi’ to them both, barely containing the giddiness from the present company.

“Sorry we’re late. Not only did this jerk decide he was tagging along, but he also spent an ungodly amount of time getting ready.” Levi’s gruff voice speaks out to you as he tips his head to Furlan. You meet his soft gaze, and he winks playfully. Levi was wearing a snug, black long sleeve with even darker denim jeans. Your stomach flips as you force yourself to stare into Levi’s metallic eyes.

Waving them in the door, they follow suit and take their shoes off to place next to the pile already sitting by the door. Levi scoffs, no doubt annoyed by the messiness. You’re suddenly hyper aware of how dirty the apartment must look compared to his. After shutting the door behind them, you spin around and almost run right into Levi. You gasp in surprise and step back right into the door with a ‘thud’. Furlan was long gone, and you can hear his playful voice reverberating down the hall as he introduced himself to the rest of the company.

“Are you okay?” Levi asks, concern lacing into his deep voice. You laugh at yourself silently as he eyes you carefully. You nod and wave your hands dismissively at him to show you were indeed okay.

“Mm. I bought these for tonight. Where can I put them?” He shifts three large bottles of various sodas in his arms in awkwardness. His eyes avert from you as he speaks. You stare stunned for a moment as you realize he must have bought them specifically for you. Noticing you haven’t moved, his eyes shift back up to you with an eyebrow raised. Cracking a smile, you nod. The flips in your stomach hardly cease as you tip your head forward to signify where the kitchen was, passing him as well to lead the way.

After he places the bottles in the fridge, he closes the doors, and his eyes widen in surprise at the mess before him. You being you, there was flour everywhere and butter wrappers lie discarded by the mixer. Said mixer was surrounded by sugar from when you missed the bowl earlier. You look away sheepishly as you feel a hard stare at your face.

“Are you a toddler?” He asks, but there is no malice. It almost sounded as if he was amused.

Grabbing one of the wipe-off boards you placed in the kitchen earlier, you pop off a cap and start scrawling. 'Maybe.' Flipping it over to him with a shrug, you see the corners of his mouth twitch.

'Tea?' You point to your cluttered tea station. Levi turns to see an open tin of tea leaves and an empty kettle. He says nothing as he gets to work, doing it all before you can do anything. You gawk at his deft hands as he makes quick work of it all, like he was back in his cafe. Some of his hair fell in his face as his head hung low in focus. After gently placing the porcelain lid back on the pot, he turns back to you.

'You didn't have to do that, you know. I was mainly asking so I could start it.'

"Tch, I was already here. Besides, I'm probably faster at it." You can't argue on that, so you just shrug your shoulders at him again with a slight smile. He leans back against the kitchen counter and studies your face, and you feel your face bloom in heat. You place the board back down on the counter and point to your mess to show you were going to start back on the cookies. Tightening your hair buns, you then wash your hands and get back to work on the mixer, throwing in the ingredients as needed.

After a moment, you hear something rustling behind you and when you glance to the source, you see Levi pulling on the other apron that hung off the fridge. You stare at him curiously and he just tightens the drawstrings behind him as he meets your gaze.

"I'm helping." You hesitate but scoot over in response, and he steps up next to you. Your arms are almost touching, and it takes everything inside of you not to combust. So, you both get to work like that, side by side. The sounds of chatter and laughter from the rest of the group fade out as you both concentrate. You hand him the rest of the ingredients and he carefully pours them in the bowl. When everything is incorporated and set aside, you then measure out the other ingredients for the chocolate portion of the cookies. You don’t see it, but Levi just watches you patiently, admiring your meticulous yet messy way of making sure everything is accurate. When you glance up at him, he looks away quickly.

"Whatcha two up to?" A sly voice rings out after a while. Startled, you both jerk your heads up from the tray you two were placing raw dough cutouts on. It's Hange, leaning on the wall with their chin cradled in two cupped hands. They have a very cheeky grin plastering their face.

"What does it look like, Four-Eyes?" Levi snaps back dryly.

"Well, since you're asking me. It looks like you two are having fun." They wiggle their eyebrows at you and Levi just scoffs and averts his gaze. Your cheeks flare up again because you were definitely having fun, but you weren’t going to admit that. Hange tuts at you two and reaches over to pat you on the head lovingly.

"I just came over because you were both ignoring our calls." Looking over their shoulder, you see Erwin eyeballing you and Levi with a raised eyebrow. He takes a sip of his drink and looks away to keep talking to Moblit and Onyankopon. Nanaba, Furlan, and Miche broke out a deck of cards and are in the middle of a game of Poker.

'Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.' You sign to her, frowning.

"No worries, we were just wondering if you guys were hungry. We were thinking of pizza!" They clap their hands excitedly. They were always thinking of pizza, you laugh to yourself. Hange loves pizza so much that even the mere mention of its cheesy goodness would summon them right then and there. Your stomach rumbles just thinking about it as well, so you nod.

"I could eat." Levi states as he lifts his teacup to his lips, three fingertips on the rim. Him doing so reminds you of the cup Levi had poured for you that you had left to get cold. You lightly touch the sides of it, and it still feels warm. As you take a sip, you’re hit with the boldness of the leaf blend you had chosen as well as a perfect amount of sweetness. ‘Levi makes the best tea’, you think to yourself.

"Perfect, I'll get those ordered. We'll just stick to the basics, yeah?" She pulls out her phone and starts dialing the nearest pizza place while walking away to join everyone in the living room. Levi picks up the couple of trays filled with raw cookies and slides them into the pre-heated oven. When he turns around, you can't help but silently chuckle as you take a closer look at his face for the first time since you both started your venture.

There is a streak of cocoa powder on his forehead that starkly contrasts on his pale skin. You point to it and your shoulders bounce in silent laughter as he brings a hand up to it to rub the spot. His eyes go wide as he notices the brown powder that is now staining his fingers. He grabs the towel you had draped over the dishwasher to wipe it away, his ears turning pink. He turns away from you as he does.

You eye Levi as he folds the towel neatly and puts it back where he got it from, huffing under his breath. He then starts gathering the dirty dishes and piles them into the sink, tugging on the faucet to rinse them off. While he's busy on that, you begin wiping down the counters with a wet rag. Levi gives you a side-eye and you meet his gaze, giving him a warm smile. He looks away again to focus on a bowl he was currently spraying with hot water. As you stare at him for a second longer, you can’t help but think how well you two worked together.

You grab the board once more and write, ‘Thank you for your help. (:’ before flipping the board over to Levi as he dries his hands on the towel. His eyes trail the words, and he glances up at you with indifference.

“Mm.” He hums. His eyes flick over to the timer that was set on the stove as he leans back against the sink and takes another sip of his tea. The cookies had eight minutes left. It almost felt as if he was reading your mind because neither of you moved with the intention leaving the calm kitchen. When you look over to the living space, you see everyone talking over each other in lively conversation. Onyankopon is pointing at the small fish tank that sat nestled in the corner of the room as he shouts over to Hange, who is in the middle of cleaning off the coffee table.

“Hange, I didn’t know you had fish.” He bends down to take a closer look at the two little fish darting around shifting plants.

“Oh yes, they’re my little babies!” She stands straight up and jumps over to the tank and continues as she points at the respective tetras. “This one is Sonny and this one is Bean!” You can’t help but chuckle internally at your over enthusiastic sister. Ever since you both moved to Jinae, Hange really wanted pets. They had requested a dog, but they were too overwhelming for you. She wasn’t really around enough to be able to spend time with them anyways which meant most of it would fall on to you and you weren’t okay with that. So, you both compromised on her getting a couple fish to start out with and would think about the notion again later. Thus far, Hange has been very content with them and hasn’t asked for anything else.  

“They’re gorgeous, Hange.” Onyankopon compliments as he stares at the tank. Hange slaps him on the shoulder in appreciation and starts rambling off the reasons why she chose tetras and all the research she did on them.

“That’s it, boys. I win!” Nanaba shouts from the dining table, slamming her cards onto the hard surface. Furlan and Miche groan in frustration, the latter rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“I swear you’re cheating.” Furlan sits back in his chair as he places his own hand down.

“I second that.” Miche leans over to stare at her cards and just sighs. Dejected, he gets up and wanders towards the bathroom, almost running into Erwin as he emerges from that same direction.

“C’mon guys, at least I vetoed any betting.” She calls out, smirking as she piles the cards up and starts shuffling them.

“You just did that out of pity.” Nanaba just cackles maniacally at Furlan’s dispirited comment.

“Hange, there are too many men in here.” She twists in her chair to face your sister who turns to acknowledge Nanaba’s complaint.

“Psh, I’ll drink to that.” And she does, holding her drink up in cheers and takes a big gulp. You roll your eyes, but you agree. There were way too many men in your apartment right now. Just then, there’s a knock at the door and Hange stands up quickly, face alert like a meerkat in the African wilderness.

“Pizza!” They yell and then they’re off to the front door, a wad of cash in hand.

At the same time, the timer goes off with a soft beeping and you’re quick to grab the oven mitts to pull the trays out. You gingerly place the trays on the stovetop to let them cool and Levi reaches past you to turn off the oven, his face in your periphery as you glance to the side. His movements waft his scent straight into your nose and you find yourself breathing it in deeply. He smelled of clean laundry with a hint of body wash. It isn’t overpowering in the slightest and you revel in it.

“You two are missing out on the fun cooping up in here.” Someone speaks out behind you two as they walk through the archway to the kitchen. You both jump at the voice and turn to see Erwin holding an armful of empty alcohol containers.

“Tch, it beats being surrounded by a bunch of loud mouths.” Levi counters, turning back to the cookies to inspect them. You reach over to grab the trash can and hold it up to Erwin for him to dump the trash. Hange comes in behind him and places four stacked pizza boxes on the counter next to you. You stare at your sister in awe and sign, ‘That’s a lot of pizza.’

“I know but I didn’t know how hungry everyone was. Besides! Leftovers.” They give another cheeky grin, and you just playfully punch her arm. Reaching up in the cupboard behind you, you grab a handful of plates for everyone as well a cup for you, now realizing how parched your throat was.

“Oi, grab me one too.” Levi asks next to you, so you grab another after setting what you held down first. When you turn to hand it to him, he’s a lot closer than you expected and accidentally hit him in the side of the head with the glass in hand. He doesn’t even flinch. He’s looking up at you with knit eyebrows and a thin line in place of his lips.

“Ow.” You hear Erwin and Hange stifling laughter as they organize the pizza boxes.

You set the cup down and start signing frantically, ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over again. You place both of your hands on his face and tilt it so you could get a better look at the spot where you hit him, filled with relief when you find no visible damage. You’re in such a panic that you don’t even notice his stunned disposition. Your hands feel so warm against his cool skin, and it’s so soft. You realize what you’re doing after a moment and let your arms drop to your side, mouthing an apology and stepping away from him.

“It’s fine. I didn’t realize how long your arms were.” He mumbles as he walks over to the fridge without another word, cup in one hand, his other pressing against the spot where you smacked him. How long your arms were? That was such a weird thing to say. Flustered, you grab the plates and shuffle them over to the counter with the pizza. Now that they have opened the boxes, you get a closer look at the options.

There were a couple cheeses, one pepperoni, and one pineapple. Your eyes light up and you gaze at Hange with adoration, forgetting what just happened mere moments ago. They wink at you then call for everyone to plate up ‘while it’s hot’.

Yes, you ate pineapple on your pizza. It first began as a joke just to spite those who turned it down, but then you found out you actually enjoyed the taste. There was something about the sweet and savory flavors that blended perfectly.

Levi comes over with two glasses and hands one with what looked to be a dark cola to you. You mouth a ‘thank you’ as you watch his face twist in disgust as he eyes the boxes in front of him. “Are those pineapples?” Levi leans in for a better look, eyebrows knit.

“Pineapples?!” Furlan rushes over from the table to look at the pizza, the new poker game forgotten. “Alright, who’s the one who asked for them?” He looks around the room and spots you with your hand raised in the air.

“Oh my gosh I could hug you right now. Pineapple on pizza is the best!” He exclaims. He leans over the half wall to marvel at it and then looks back up to you with a massive smile. Levi clicks his tongue and grabs a slice out of the cheese box then makes his way into the living room. You can’t help but feel sad at the sudden absence.

.

“Okay, okay. My turn. Hange. Your obsession with zombies, what the fuck is up with that?” Nanaba leans on the coffee table in anticipation. Your sister just cackles and sits up straight as they push their glasses up their nose with a finger. There’s a glimmer in their eyes.

“That’s hardly a difficult question. I grew up watching zombie movies and I just need to know how they tick. Like what kind of sorcery goes into making them do the things they do?!”

“Hange, they’re fictional creatures, there’s no science that could ever explain that!” Moblit shouts from next to her, exhausted. Hange just laughs and goes on a tangent about possible ways to make and cure zombies, but you zone out as it’s a conversation you have had with them for many years. Looking around the table, you smile to yourself. Tonight has been such a fulfilling evening for you. Being around familiar faces as well as getting to know new ones brought more joy to you than you expected. Not to mention this ridiculous game you were all playing that made your face ache from laughter.

Miche had come up with a game called “What the fuck is up with that?” as a way to wind down from such a big dinner. Players ask someone something personal about their life and follow it with ‘what the fuck is up with that?’ and if they refuse to answer it, they have to take a drink. It honestly felt like a more cracked version of “Truth or Dare” but it was fun, nonetheless. You, of course, nursed soda in your hands instead of alcohol so you were the most sober one here.

So far, no one was really trashed. Tipsy, definitely; There were some words that were starting to slur. What surprised you the most was Levi’s soberness in comparison to everyone else considering how many times he had to take a drink. It figures that any questions directed to him, he opted for silence. You do, however, notice his cheeks were ever so slightly flushed when you glance at him next to you. He radiated an aura of relaxation, which you can’t help but assume is a rare thing for him. He turns to meet your gaze, not looking away after what felt like a good minute.

“Okay okay, we get it Hange. Enough!” Your attention is snapped back into the present company, and you break eye contact to see Onyankopon laughing and throwing a balled-up napkin at Hange’s face to shut her up.

“Fine, sorry! Hmm…” Their eyes wander on the people sitting in the circle with them until they land on Furlan’s face. “Alright, Furlan. You! You’re single and you’re extremely attractive. What the fuck is up with that?” Everyone’s attention shifts to Furlan’s bright red face.

“What the fuck is up with the singleness or the attractiveness?” His voice sounds an octave higher.

“Well, both, obviously, dumbass.” Nanaba pitches in.

“I well. Uh.” His eyes flicker to yours and then look away just as quickly. “I just haven’t found what I was looking for yet, I guess. And for the attractiveness, I just am?” He shrugs his shoulders and laughs nervously. He takes a sip of his drink anyways as he averts his gaze to anything but the people in front of him.

“Hmmm. I don’t know if I’m okay with that answer, but I’ll let it slide. Okay, you pick the next one!”

“Oh okay, uhh.” His eyes travel around until they lock eyes with you again. “The berry nickname. What the fuck is up with that?” Everyone’s gaze now shifts on you. You realize that Hange had called you her ‘little berry’ in front of everyone but had never really given an explanation. You bite your bottom lip and start scrawling on your board. Everyone waits for you patiently and a wave of gratitude washes over you. They really were a great group of friends.

‘When I was younger, I used to steal Hange’s berries from their parfaits.’ You flip the board, and everyone is silent as they read. They burst into laughter one by one, Hange included. Even Levi’s scarred mouth has an upturn. You couldn’t give the full story because it would be too long for you to write, but growing up in the foster system meant you were deprived of a lot of good things, one of those being fresh fruit. So, when the night came when the Zoe’s officially adopted you and they wanted to celebrate with parfaits, you went absolutely feral. You had never tasted anything like fresh berries before and they quickly became your favorite thing in the world, next to your sister of course.

“You guys should have seen her for the month after that. All she wanted was berries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She prefers strawberries, but we don’t discriminate here. All berries are valid!” She yells, taking another sip of her drink. You laugh silently along with them and start thinking of the next victim. After a few moments, you scribble down what was on your mind. Then you point to Erwin and his eyes bulge at the sudden movement but straightens up anyways, clearing his throat.

‘So Erwin, I notice you’ve been taking my sister out for drinks quite often. Your relationship with them, what the fuck is up with that?” You smile innocently at your sister’s composed face.

“Psh, easy.” He pats your sister on the head and Hange just laughs in response, swatting at it. “You of all people know how fun she is to be around. More so when she’s drunk. She’s a great karaoke partner.” They clink the bottles they had in their hands together and smile at each other. You furrow your eyebrows and stick your tongue out.

‘Boooooooo.’ You write and your sister just shoves your shoulder.

“C’mon, you can’t seriously think there’s anything happening between this,” Hange wiggles their index finger in between her and Erwin. “Like really. We’re definitely not each other’s type.”

Miche snorts and mutters something under his breath but you can’t hear the words. Erwin chuckles and nods in agreement then takes another sip of his drink as he surveys the faces in front of him. They land on Levi and his gray eyes bore into Erwin’s crystal blue.

“Hey Levi…” Erwin has a smirk playing on his lips as he stares at his best friend. “I notice you’ve been smiling when you look down at your phone recently. What the fuck is up with that?” Erwin’s eyes sparkle mischievously. Levi just scoffs but you gawk at him with wide eyes, along with Furlan and Hange. Levi doesn’t smile. Sure, you can always tell when he’s fighting it. But you’ve never seen his curt demeanor break into joy.

Levi narrows his eyes on Erwin then answers with a big swig of his glass, finishing off the contents in it as he continues to stare at his friend. Levi’s face is certainly more flushed than before, the tips of his ears bright red as well. He looks away, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Booooooo!” Hange echoes what you had exclaimed earlier.

“Leeeeeviiii! Are you talking with someone?! I thought you were mine.” Furlan pouts, arms crossed.

“It’s none of your goddamn business.” Levi’s voice is brusque. He gets up from his spot quickly and takes his empty glass to the kitchen.

“What do you mean? I think your friends deserve to know.” Hange sits up on their knees to call over to Levi’s backside.

“Then we’re not friends.” He says and disappears down the hall to the bathroom.

“Is he always like that?” Nanaba questions as she finishes her own drink as she stares down the hallway.

“Yes, it’s very normal for him.” Erwin states matter-of-factly, chuckling at the rise he got from Levi.

“Short and angry. It’s quite the combo.” Onyankopon cuts in, grinning.

You fidget with the wipe-off marker as you think about how he reacted. It wasn’t very surprising to you. Levi is a very private man when it comes to such things. All of the conversations you had with him were still on a fundamental surface layer. You knew better than to ask anything deeper for fear of him shutting you out, like he just did with Erwin’s question. Levi, at least, didn’t sound angry right now, but you suspect it was because it was someone so close to him asking such a question. If it was you… then. Well, you were scared of what he might do from such an intimate question.

“Yanno what, it’s probably about that time I head out. It’s getting pretty late.” Moblit chimes in as he starts to get up from his spot on the floor.

“Whaaat!? We still have one more thing left to do. Besides, it’s literally,” Hange takes a glance at the clock on the wall. “10:30. Just a little longer??” They clasp their hands as they beg, staring up at her friend.

“I must agree with Moblit here, we need to submit our report before the end of this week.” Onyankopon replies as he gets up as well. He squeezes Hange’s shoulder as he speaks with a slight smile. Hange sticks her bottom lip out.

“Fine, fine. But just know, you’re missing out on only the greatest tradition ever: Making fun of stupid romance movies.”

“I wanna do that!” Nanaba cuts in, laughing at the idea.

“Nanaba, we’re literally your ride home.” Moblit calls out from the dining room as he pulls on his winter jacket. Grabbing Nanaba’s as well, he makes sure to pick up the deck of cards they brought and shoves it into her jacket pocket.

“Boo.” She gets up clumsily and huffs. “You two are no fun.”

“What she said.” Hange says, sticking her tongue out again.

“Seriously though, Hange. Great party. We had a really good time.” Onyankopon compliments as he zips up his own coat. At this point, everyone is standing up as they talk to each other. You glance over and notice that Miche is getting ready to leave too.

‘You’re going too?’ You scrawl to him quickly.

“Ah yes, unfortunately IT never takes a break.” He mutters to you solemnly as you go in to give him a tight hug. “Are we still on for next Wednesday?” You nod at him with a cheerful grin. “Great, I’ll see you then.” He ruffles your hair and walks past to say goodbye to everyone else.

After a few more goodbyes, it’s just you, Hange, Erwin, and Furlan standing in the living room. Your sister and Erwin were conversing about what movie to watch as Furlan shuffles up next to you. Levi still hadn’t come out of the bathroom yet.

“I bet he’s taking a shit.” His blasé statement makes you giggle uncontrollably, your shoulders shaking as you do. You hold your hand to your mouth to compose yourself as you give Furlan such a bewildered look. He just winks at you.

“Furlan, I’m going to kick your ass.” Levi’s sharp voice cuts in behind you both and it makes you both jump.

“Hey now, I was just kidding.” Furlan’s voice wavers as he takes a step back. You wave at Levi with a warm smile, but he just averts his gaze and goes to sit down on the sofa, one leg crossed on his knee. Biting your cheek, you go and find a spot on the floor, making sure to put a pillow under your butt for comfort. Hange and Erwin are flicking through a bunch of streaming apps trying to find the chosen movie for tonight.

“Ah okay, I know what we’re doing!” Hange slaps their hands together in finality. Erwin makes his way to the armchair and sits back with a heavy sigh.

“Not my first choice.” He says, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

“Oh c’mon. Everything about it screams bad romance. Plus, it’s the worst out of all of them.”

“Hange, you never cease to amaze me.” Furlan states as he takes the spot next to Levi.

Twilight: New Moon? Really? In your heart of hearts, you couldn’t completely hate Twilight as you were practically obsessed with it in your late teens. But you had to agree, it wasn’t the best out of the five films. It’s like Hange knew what you were thinking because they stare directly into your eyes and wiggle their eyebrows at you teasingly. You roll your eyes, and she chuckles.

“Move it, sis. I’m going for the spot behind you.” Hange slips past you to sit on the couch right next to Levi’s other side. You back up so you’re sandwiched in between Hange’s legs, and you yawn with the added warmth. You had a fleeting thought of not being able to finish the movie before falling asleep. How right you were. You don’t even make it past Bella’s dream sequence, drifting off into your own little world. The smell of clean laundry and musky body wash permeates your senses as you do.

.

Levi isn’t even paying attention to the movie. Even if it was something he was interested in, his focus could not be kept on the screen. Levi felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest as he felt the weight of you leaning against his bad leg. Your soft cheek pressed into his knee while you slept soundly. His joints have been aching for the last hour, but he would sooner touch fire before disturbing you. He couldn’t see your face very well from this angle, but he could only assume how peaceful you looked right now. Your hair is still in buns, but they were much messier than before from the activities of the day, hair falling every which way.

As you sighed softly in your sleep, his mind raced with everything that had happened today. From the ecstatic look in your eyes when you opened the front door to when you had gently cradled his head in your warm hands after hitting him on accident, making sure you didn’t hurt him. He still felt tingles of your touch shooting through his nervous system from that. And making cookies with you, he had more fun than he could admit. You were so meticulous and careful, albeit chaotic in your ways. He found it so endearing.

 Then that damn Erwin asking that stupid question. Erwin knew and still egged him on. Of course, it was you; you were the reason why his heart and stomach did flips whenever he heard his phone vibrate. He wouldn’t allow anyone to know that though, especially you. Not when you already seem so entwined in other people’s lives.

Levi hadn’t missed Furlan’s interest in you. His longtime friend often stated that he wanted to get to know you even more. Not to mention Furlan’s tactless ways of wanting to include you in everything he made plans to do. It seemed as if you weren’t aware of his intentions though, so maybe he wasn’t clear enough. Levi hopes you never pick up on it.

And of course, there was Miche. What kind of relationship did you have with him? Levi didn’t mishear how you had plans with him next week. And the intimate touching? What was that all about? The relationship with Miche did not seem romantic from his viewpoint, but then again.

Levi was never the jealous type, or so he thought. He found that any attention aimed at you ruffled him. What about you made him feel like this? He scoffs under his breath, not able to look away from the back of your head. Hange stops munching on the cookie in her hands and turns at the sound, now noticing you fast asleep on Levi’s knee.

“Want me to take her for you?” They whisper to Levi, shifting to stand up.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you to miss out on prime Eduardo and Beatrice or whoever the fuck these people are.” Levi waves his hand dismissively and carefully gets up, making sure to move your head so it doesn’t flop forward. “Which one is her room?” He asks as he stares down at Hange. They regard him in curiosity but smile regardless.

“The door with the sakuras on them.” Levi nods and bends down to effortlessly pick you up despite his smaller frame, cradling you as your head falls back. You’re deeply asleep at this point, he assumes, because you make no motion from the disturbance. Levi feels the stares from Furlan and Erwin as he steps over everyone to make it to the set of bedroom doors down the hall.

As he delicately places you on your bed, he starts to pull the soft comforter up to cover you but then you shift in your sleep, making him pause. With the confirmation of your sleep-induced heavy breathing, he pulls the blanket up the rest of the way and takes a long look at your soft features. The peace that radiated off your face was something he delighted in. How beautiful you were to him.

On his way out, he steps slowly to the door, being mindful of his surroundings as he goes. He spots a couple of framed pictures that littered your cluttered desk. One catches his eye in particular; It’s a photo of when you were very young, maybe 5 or so. He takes a step forward for a closer look, minding the creaking floorboards carefully. An unsettling feeling runs cold in his veins as he recognizes the family that surrounded you as well as the house in the background. He knew that family and he knew that house, and he came to realize he knew you as well.

A flashback hits him like a brick. One of him and the boy in the photo, your brother, playing outside until the sunset. Of you yelling for him with your small voice that it was time for dinner and that he needed to come home. Of your little pigtails completely askew as you cried after falling on the gravel due to a skateboard accident from when him and your brother tried to teach you how to balance on it. Of him giving you a flower to distract you from the pain and your bleeding kneecaps. Of having to move away because his good for nothing father threatened his mom and Levi had warned him to try. Of you and your family waving goodbye as he stared from the rear window, the view of your tear-streaked face getting smaller and smaller as his mom drove away.

He had forgotten all about you, and it seemed you had forgotten about him. A breath hitches in his throat and he turns to look back at you, your face scrunched up from a dream as you pull the blankets closer. No wonder he felt compelled to you, almost like he needed to protect you. With a soft sigh, he creeps slowly to the door and slips out before shutting it close behind him.

You roll over in your sleep, sighing again, the night of the fire haunting your dreams.

☆AN ➼ I hope you guys liked this chapter! Moving forward now with March! Again, this is my first fanfiction in a long time so it's not perfect in anyway. But I'm working on being better, and I appreciate y'all taking the time out of your day to read into my delusions. K love y'all! ☆

☾ Previous Chapter: January ☾ Next Chapter: March

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #fanfiction #modern!au #fluff #angst #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #erwin smith #hange zoe #levi x fem!reader #aot #aot fanfiction #levi ackerman x you #snk fanfiction #long fic #snk #aot fluff #attack on titan fluff #attack on titan levi #unspoken words #valentines day #heart day #valentine #miche zacharias #moblit berner

[elvendorx]

Do you think James and Sirius would ever keep secrets from each other? It’s really just my gut feeling but I think James wouldn’t. However, I’m not sure about Sirius, he seems to me the type to bottle up his emotions and put up a tough front because he wouldn’t want James to worry about him. Would Sirius talk to James about how his family makes him feel?

On the whole, no, I think that the trust that we see they share would effectively dissolve any boundaries or reservations they'd have and it wouldn't even be a question of "I can talk to Sirius/James about this".

However, as you say, I think James sort of never has those reservations. I think James is naturally very open and he wants to share things with Sirius so he does, for him it's mostly as simple as that. James "trusted Black above all his other friends" and that is presented without question, there's no competitor, and I think it's as simple as that for James.

For Sirius it would take longer, he'd sit and stew on things a while privately but he would always tell James sooner or later. I agree that he bottles his feelings up more and he puts on this almost bored exterior. When Sirius tells Harry about his family, it's just "they're dark wizards and I hate them" and he doesn't really go into depth, he seems almost annoyed that he has to talk about them. Sirius takes things in his stride so I think conveying difficult things in his life would always take the form of an inconvenience in his delivery to minimise the sympathy, maybe, but I think his actual feelings would be stronger than that, he'd just regulate them alone - perhaps as a result of being expected to compose himself by his family.

I think James would always know about Sirius' family, but the specifics of Sirius' feelings and specific incidents might come later. I think it would be like "my mum and dad are strict", "my whole family believe in blood supremacy", "my cousin married Lucius Malfoy" rather than going into real detail and at 11, 12 years old James is kind of satisfied with those as facts and maybe doesn't feel the need to dig deeper or realise the wider implications until they're a bit older and he realises the severity/regularity of these snippets.

As they go through school I think Sirius would gradually be more revealing but I still don't think they're conversations that Sirius would want to last long. Sirius is quite clear about marking his difference within the family home so I don't see why he would try to hide that at school, I just think it would be a factual thing publicly and it would just be James who he'd be like "She made the house-elf spy on me all summer" kind of details to, again in a venting way. We don't get much sadness from Sirius about his parents in the books, just hatred and a desire for distance so I think at Hogwarts he'd largely be content just by dint of being away from them.

Also I think with Remus' werewolf secret, with the Animagus secret that they all share responsibility for, the trust is there. Sirius goes to James after he's told Snape about the Whomping Willow - I feel risking James' anger/disgust/whatever negative feeling James may have felt overwhelms any other things Sirius may have found difficult to share.

By the time Regulus joins the Death Eaters, I think Sirius and James would be at a stage where sharing things would be natural, and I think Sirius would go to James to vent about it unprompted - "What the fuck is he doing? Is he stupid? He's sixteen years old, I can't believe this, I bet you he thinks our doting mother and father will love him more, the idiot".

James I see as being more protective of his information in regards to Sirius, but I also don't really see James as having any secrets. I don't think they'd intentionally hide anything from each other and I don't think they'd be able to. James and Sirius have a very equal bond in terms of intellect and ability and I think the other would always be the person who would "get it" best and who would be thinking within the same parameters, thinking most as the other would, who would come up with the most fitting solution for each other, so it would be natural for them to want to share and to have the other's opinion.

Ultimately, I don't see any meaningful secrets between them. I think they know each other well enough to recognise when something is being concealed, and I think they'd both actively want to share, to a point where it's not even something they have to weigh up. Even straying into fic territory where they hide their feelings for each other, I think they'd both either work it out or have to tell the other eventually.

#ask #inseparable #prongsfoot #ty!!

[innerangeltoadlover]

4. The point of my story is as follows : after 30 years of reporting my sister’s abuse to my psychiatrists I only realized after my sister took my brother and I to Court in an effort to make me homeless – that my suffering had been dismissed by psychiatrists. No one should be abused while they are ill- however the fact that I was, and for decades should bring into question the competence of doctors ability to prioritize a patient’s environment over their illness. Psychiatrists have a habit with the mentally ill of being economical with their words – this means that you never really get any concrete advice when you have a problem. The accepted thinking on this (apparently) is they want you to solve problems on your own . However it is also because once you are diagnosed a psychiatrist is very reluctant to validate the conclusions you make under your own volition. This lack of validation prevents them from being held responsible when problems with advice can arise, which is understandable , however the client whom they are treating actually needs real help and strategies which are often way beyond mere monitoring.

5. As my story will show, this continuous lack of authentication can have devastating consequences- not only on a person’s sense of self but can also allow all kinds of abuse to continue unfettered. I am sure that just as abusers are fine tuned into finding opportunities to abuse so too are psychiatrists tuned into creating a distance between themselves and their client that in emphasising a scepticism of their clients testimony can in turn create a safe refuge for the ruthless. This results in a completely disempowered patient without any ability to fight abuse on a meaningful level. The diagnosis allows a psychiatrist to sit safely within your condition and remain neutral . If a session becomes uncomfortable a psychiatrist will always bring you back to the diagnosis in order to address existential questions. Abuse is therefore viewed in the context of illness as aggrandised and a symptom of your illness. For me this resulted in an endless loop effect with my doctors and a worsening of my condition. This terrible skimming over of significant and hurtful life experiences ensured I eventually ceased whining and became their irregularity. Their answer to your problem is a pill (lots of em). Pills do not stop abusers but they do give them the opportunity to enjoy feasting on the carcass of their victims because that victim is exhausted on virtually every front. There will never be real repercussions for abusers because -as I have mentioned- our perceptions are so displaced that our conclusions (according to psychiatrists) cannot be trusted. I was not so impaired that I did not know what abuse was. In the main schizophrenics are not dribbling in a corner unable to carry out daily activities. However , doctors are guilty of bypassing counterintuitive instances when assessing behaviour. For the most part I was guilted into not standing up to abuse because my psychiatrist would constantly remind me that my parents had a right to see their grandchildren and obviously during these visits my sister also had a right to abuse me- it is only now that I realise how covert discrimination can exist between a doctor and patient and the load I was expected to carry.

#im just mentally ill #mentally fucked #mental health #schizophrenia

[shihalyfie]

I’ve noticed that some of the dub writers have gone on record as saying that some of the changes they made were not because of censorship or network reasons, but rather because they thought it would be “funny” or “better”.

I don't doubt that. Basically, my perception is that of all of the potential answers to what went on in the dubbing process are "all of the above".

This was industry standard, so it was an expectation that this would be the norm for dubbed children's anime, especially because it is true that there was no precedent for more closely translated anime so you could really assume anything about how audiences would take it, especially since even if the kids were open-minded you couldn't necessarily say the same about their parents who get the final say in what they can and can't watch

Saban, the company in charge of the older Digimon dubs, infamously had a very derogatory view of Japanese media and had an aggressive attitude towards pushing dub changes to make it "better" for Western audiences (and the biggest evidence that the company itself had a lot to do with this is that the dub changes drastically toned down once Disney took over dubbing, then shot back up when Saban took it back again for Xros Wars/Fusion)

The networks that aired Digimon wanted it to be localized to their tastes

Even the Japanese companies themselves pushed for aggressive changes to "Americanize" their own content because they were genuinely that convinced it wouldn't catch on stateside otherwise (I don't know if this happened specifically in Digimon's case, but this is actually on the record as having happened for several children's anime dubs such as 4Kids ones)

The dub writers themselves had a dim view of the Japanese script and felt they were making it funnier/improving it

...are all probably true at once. The late nineties and 2000′s were full of systematic racism and xenophobia all over the place. The conviction that "American (or other Western) kids can't handle media that's too Japanese" came from every single direction in every possible place. And for an example of this in the opposite direction, the Japanese Transformers: Beast Wars dub infamously turned what was originally a serious show into a gag dub as well, presumably because they thought the Japanese audience couldn't handle the original content. It’s not really an issue of boring or funny or America or Japan; it’s being xenophobic about any Weird Foreign Thing that comes from another country and being certain it won’t sell unless you “fix” it.

All of it is the same thing: racism, xenophobia, and underestimating kids' ability to be open-minded. Cultural localization is necessary, but beyond that, I honestly believe it would have caught on fine with the kids either way -- but also, I am not sure about the parents, and perhaps it is true it wouldn’t have caught on without all of those changes, if only because parents of that generation were liable to be equally as xenophobic and refuse to let their kids touch those Weird Foreign Things. (It’s not like we don’t currently have issues with video games that are “too Japanese” not catching on well with modern adult Western gamers, so there is some truth to that. Look what happened with the Survive review bombing incident and the heavy stigma that still surrounds visual novels here.) I do hold the writers responsible, I just don't think it's productive to hold a grudge against them or to consider them the sole perpetrators of the issue because even if one given factor had been different, the others would still have been in place, and there's not a lot we can do about that.

#jaredthedecimator #dubbing discourse #shiha's ask box

[houserosaire]

Does your OC see themselves as being of particular importance compared to the general population? Do they consider themselves to have greater value than the common folk? Perhaps because they are capable of achieving things that regular people are not? Or because they were born into a position of wealth and power? Or even because they have seen things that would drive ordinary people to madness or despair? Conversely, if your OC maintains that they are no more special than anyone else, how realistic is this position? How different are they really when compared to the average person? Are they actually in denial about their own significance?

This is a complicated (and delightfully meaty) question. And really I think Silvaineaux would like to say that he does not consider himself to be more important than anybody else. But the more honest answer really is that he both does and he doesn't. He does -not- consider that his life inherently has any more value than that of the lowest commoner of the Brume. For the most part he considers that a life is a life and providing that life is lived well the value of them is the same. However, he did grow up with wealth, and privilege, and power. His parents were both good people, his father an ardent believer in chivalry and the responsibilities and duties of the mighty toward those weaker. He taught all of his children very thoroughly on these values and on the duties that he felt came with the rank of their birth.

Silvaineaux was not raised to succeed his father as the Baron. He was raised and trained in warfare, strategy, tactics and the leading of men. He worked exceedingly hard. His knighthood was earned, his rank and leadership something he devoted himself to ferociously. Perhaps he might have been able to earn those things with diligent work even if he had not come from a House with such a proud and lengthy history of service. He certainly put his all into living up to them. Yet there is no question at all that he was handed a command at an age that someone without his heritage would not have been. He carried it well and in that particular respect, in his pride in his own abilities and the things he is capable of doing he does consider that he is in some ways more worthy of similar ranks of command than others without his training and history.

He spends a fair amount of time outside Ishgard. He does not expect people outside his own homeland to know his rank or to particularly respect it if they are aware of it. Yet he also comes from a very old house with seven and a half centuries of history and martial service to Ishgard and he is proud of his house and his history and as someone carrying that mantle he feels -it- is important even if he himself is not so much. And despite his very best efforts at being egalitarian and fair he has moments when his privilege and the sense of pride he was raised with very much shows.

However, for all his privilege, he did also expect to live his entire life and to die in service to Ishgard in its never ending war. Having been raised with love, but also to give one's whole life in service to one's people does have something of a humbling effect, and that remains to balance his pride.

#Silvaineaux #asks #Thank you for the ask #This one was really interesting to think about

[reviewsthatburn]

Alexia Tarabotti is a spinster in her mid-twenties, mostly content to spend her time at home, in libraries, or with her friend Ivy who has unfortunate taste in hats. She’s also soulless, a preternatural whose touch can temporarily revert any supernatural persons to their formerly mortal state.

Alexia and the London werewolf Alpha, Conall, have chemistry built on mutual annoyance. He enjoys someone who will surprise and stand up to him (a limited commodity when one is the Alpha of a pack of werewolves), and she seems surprised when annoying him for fun turns into something more. Professor Lyall is his Beta, a competent and unassuming older werewolf who is a quiet, steady presence. Ivy, Alexia’s hat-obsessed friend, is one of my favorite characters but this isn’t yet the book where she shines. Lord Akeldama is a flamboyant and well-informed vampire who is utterly delightful.

Full Review at Link

#BookReviews #Fantasy #Highly Recommended #Romance #parasol protectorate #gail carriger #soulless

[ksfoxwald]

Animorphs #49: The Diversion

Well, on the off chance that anyone actually wants to watch me experience the Animorphs finale for the first time, twenty years later.

I just finished #49.

Reactions (contains twenty year old spoilers):

Slightly surprised the Yeerks haven't tried tracking the kids with DNA before; like, sure, they thought they were Andalites, but no one thought to check the DNA of their very plentiful involuntary blood samples just to be sure? Because they've floated the idea of them being humans since pretty much the beginning. Visser Three/One's arrogance, I suppose.

"At least they haven't had a chance to get any of our blood" (gets stabbed) "wait no they actually have gotten a lot of our blood."

They tell! Their parents! About the morphing! I think there's been more of a trend in kidlit of letting the parents be involved in the Adventure, but in the 90s it was one of the Rules that Grown Ups Can't Know About The Magic. I think probably people are starting to realize that narratives of kids keeping secrets from adults encourages abusive behavior.

Cassie: "My parents are scientists, so we need to present them with logic and facts. Hi mom, hi dad, I'm fighting an alien invasion and I can turn into a wolf."

Cassie's parents, who once joked that she was too responsible to punish: "Okay, we trust you, let's go." I love them so much.

Rachel: "My mom's a lawyer so she'll just argue with us, we just need to grab my family and run."

Rachel's mom: ~attacks a grizzly bear with a spice rack because what else would you expect from RACHEL'S mom?~

no I'm not getting emotional over the way Applegate repeatedly stresses that parents will do anything to keep their children safe from harm and how she has a trans daughter and shows up in public wearing "Protect Trans Kids" shirts (yes I am getting emotional)

Ax: "Rachel, your sisters are convinced that I am a 'pokey man' and that they need to 'train' me"

Honestly Ax watches enough TV I'm surprised he doesn't know what a Pokemon is. Probably too focused on These Messages.

You thought we were going to get a catharsis with the Jake and Tom situation? I have been waiting twenty years for Jake to speak to his brother without the Yeerk in his head. But NO, the Yeerks take Jake's parents, because if there's one thing Applegate knows how to do well (and there are many things she knows how to do well) it's how to ESCALATE the stakes with PAIN

Jake's mom, who knows her son is going through a lot even though she has no idea how much, but still validates his feelings by admitting that kids go through all the same emotional problems adults do - now waving a Dracon beam and shouting "Die human filth!" = Top 10 heartbreaking moments of the series.

I haven't even mentioned Loren yet!!! She's like the main point of the book! Tobias finally finds his mom! We finally find out what happened to her after the Andalite Chronicles when she basically got the fridge treatment! Except Applegate respects her female characters too much to do that!

So it turns out that in addition to Ellimist-induced amnesia she also has brain injury amnesia? That's so much amnesia. Unless the Ellimist arranged the car accident in order to cover up his amnesia? I'm not too clear on that. In any case: amnesia.

She is also blind; Marco and Ax pose as juvenile delinquents to briefly kidnap the dog so Tobias can morph it.

Ax: "I am a juvenile delinquent. I am very threatening." ~rearranges shelves~

Giving Loren the ability to morph (and in the episode right after The Return of David) and her first morph being a red-tailed hawk, being, in fact, Tobias the red-tailed hawk? That's pure narrative gold.

Followed by an utterly slapstick fight in an abandoned toy store including Controllers slipping on Hot Wheels cars and a gorilla on a scooter, because this is still, after all, a kids book. Though honestly most adult books could do with a bit more silliness.

Also I feel like we don't get enough of Rachel's mom. Gets roped into drafting the Hork-Bajir constitution, then when it's ready to sign realizes none of them know how to read, so now high-powered girlboss corporate lawyer is teacher seven-foot tall spiky aliens the ABC song. Only on Animorphs.

Anyway. Loren's blindness being cured by morphing is a bit "magical cure," but also consistent with the established worldbuilding, so it would actually make less sense for her to stay blind. Also she doesn't get her memories back, and I know Applegate has some really good moments with disabled characters in later books, so I'm not going to be too hard on this one.

So, uh. That was an emotional rollercoaster. Which Tobias books usually are. Sooo satisfying though. Lots of closure. I... might almost be ready for this to be over.

Final five countdown has begun.

#animorphs

[lady-laureline]

Today we're talking about a massive thorn in my side, namely the "water under the bridge" mentality in response to interpersonal conflict. While there is a time and place for it, it leaves a lot to be desired as a default response.

Healthy relationships (romantic or otherwise) go through cycles of rupture and repair. Hurt and healing. Transgression and reconciliation.

This knowledge is usually passed down from parent/guardian to child, through direct instruction as well as example. Buut, if the 'mentor' was never taught this skill, they cannot teach it, and the 'student' will grow up with little concept of healthy confrontation, and instead learn that keeping pleasantries afloat - and yourself under control - is what matters.

Within this context, bringing attention to pain signals a lapse in judgement in those that know better, and a lack of discipline or consideration in those who don't. It's also a sign of precarity: without the ability to break the problem down, it's harder to develop a sense of proportion. Ergo, a threat is a threat, no matter if it's a small misunderstanding, a tangible disagreement, or a full-blown crisis.

×

As someone who did grow up with the skill to repair, my understanding of a mature response to conflict is to parse it out: picking a moment to bring it up, having an open conversation, figuring out the relevant differences in perspective and the actual (versus assumed) root of it all. Only then can the parties involved make up and move on.

I took this attitude for granted before cohabiting with someone without the repair skill and finding out the hard way that trying to fix things was not what was expected of me. The lack of closure was what kept me from feeling like things were okay between us - but for them, not leaving the problem alone was the only thing keeping it alive.

At first, I tried to earn the right to talk about it, thinking I just needed to phrase it right. When that didn't work, I tried convincing myself I didn't need repair after all (pretty funny in retrospect). In the end, I had to conclude that each person is responsible for their own willingness to put effort into understanding the needs of another, and that denying your own, no matter how justified the context, just leaves you with more trauma.

×

That said, I have no intention of treating these attitudes as two sides of the same coin.

"Water under the bridge" doesn't carry your problems away to harmlessly dissolve into the ocean. Those emotions will stick around until you acknowledge their existence and their purpose, meanwhile they’ll eat away at you from the inside, whether you've dulled yourself to the pain or not.

With so much unattended hurt floating about, pretending everything's fine is ultimately nothing more than damage control. It might distract from the immediate upset, but - despite individual sacrifices made for the common good - it doesn't functionally bring us closer together. The brain is wired to fill in whatever information we're missing, and has a chunky negative bias, so without facts telling us otherwise we're likely to assume the worst about a situation and those involved in it. The less you are inclined to prove those suspicions wrong, the more pessimistic your reality becomes. This is how you end up alone in a room full of people.

But we keep shooting ourselves in the foot because the only thing scarier than loneliness is vulnerability. Even if you're willing to admit change, you'll have your psyche screaming at you to quit digging your own grave the second you let your guard down (it's trying to protect you and doesn't know any better).

Sometimes you have to take yourself by the hand and tell yourself it's ok. That you deserve better. Because we all bloody deserve better than just living with the crap that doesn't resolve on its own.

#ramblepost #rupture and repair #and all this is without getting to nonverbal signals and unspoken agreements #what is your signal to go talk to someone #do you do it when you need help or when someone else does #do you need permission to talk #or permission to listen

[thisiswhereirest]

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai showcases the most accurate description of crippling depression, it's such a breath of fresh air. It's not necessarily feeling sadness, just an insatiable emptiness in one's soul. Nothing evokes happiness from him, he is essentially numb to everything.

“Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness. Everything passes” ― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

The narrator struggles with low-self worth which in-turn correlates with his fear of displeasing others. He will say whatever to showcase his likeability, usually involving humor because funny people are easily loved by many. The rejection of his father is the root cause of his desperation: To never disagree or say no. It's basically the wood to fuel his social anxiety. How can he possibly find a true friendship if it's all a bluff? But he can't reveal his true depressing nature because his fear of rejection is so ingrained in him that he deems rejection more painful than lying to everyone for the rest of his life. At least then he'll feel some sense of control if he's the reason for his loneliness.

He believes no one could possibly love someone so hauntingly downcast. The disheartening thoughts/aura would be too heavy for anyone. He believes this and chooses not to burden others with his depression. He doesn't have thoughts of his own in conversations because he doesn't allow himself to, he'll blindly agree to anything even if he thinks an opinion is ludicrous because he just wants to be loved, even though its superficial.

“For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces.” ― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

He carefully observes normal human expressions, aka people who have a reasonable amount of confidence to freely express themselves without any fear for rejection of others. The people whose parents supported them through their development by simply loving them for who they are. These people frighten him because they have the structured self-esteem that he never had. They're not afraid to talk back or to disagree with someone. He can't wrap his head around it because it's so jaw-dropping to him.

This refusal to be authentic is essentially the fuel for his loneliness.

In his childhood, if the narrator wasn't on par with his father's wishes, he was immediately disapproved of. There was no room to develop or showcase his personality without the strain of being rejected by his father. He expected his son to follow his footsteps and paid no mind to his feelings. The fact that Yozo is the youngest of 10 children and his father was always away for work sort of exposes his father's neglect. He never attempted to form an actual bond with his son, he was just another heir to him. His father is the reason why he tries so hard to be liked. Yozo's constantly looking for his father's approval from everyone except his father because he'll never reach him emotionally, so he looks for everyone else's approval to try and fill the void. But no one else can fill the father figure he desperately needs except his own father.

His dejection of being human is because of his social isolation and emotional numbness. Things others care for are paid no mind to him. No one around him carries depression and low self esteem (at least not that he knows of), so he believes he is completely alone. His unhealed trauma response has doomed himself to loneliness.

#its so interesting understanding how he responded to his trauma #i deeeeeply relate to him like this book is a huge comfort to me #this book honestly feels like my little secret #to indulge in nothing but depression-inducing material feels like taking a drug when you've been sober for months #like yesss this is the good shit ive missed #tbh its like depression is all i am and ive been living in denial and using distractions to occupy my mind 24/7 #so to finally allow myself to listen to the thoughts that ive been frantically shoving to the back of my brain #its like oh shit waittttt............ im kind of empty inside and nothing makes me feel happiness :o #sorry for rambling about myself lolllllllz :p just thought he just like me fr #but his story is so tragic like it was so unfair to him from the start #he was pushed aside as a boy and its still ingrained in him as an adult- that he isnt on an equal level with a human